Well, it’s not quite a master’s thesis, but this is (the first of) a series of posts on why Catra and Adora are the best love story in the history of kids TV animation and maybe the greatest love story in the history of TV. This may in some ways be faint praise - romance on TV is generally not very good compared with books or movies. Often it’s just some will they/won’t they sexual tension that is defused by getting characters together and re-heightened by breaking them up. TV is full of nearly shark jumping pointless dramas like Sam and Diane (Cheers, holy fuck am I dating myself, though that was technically before my time), Ross and Rachel (Friends, which was no Cheers) etc, but also some less annoying couples like Ben and Leslie (Parks and Rec) or Amy and Jake (Bk99) who are mostly just kind of cute and fun. Other shows, like the X-Files, teased viewers for years with unresolved sexual tension. In kids shows most romances are, appropriate for their target viewers, mild, sweet relationships based more on self-conscious flirting and blushing than on complex and conflicted feelings or deep passions - which is pretty realistic when the characters are young teens or even mid-teens. Some of these relationships are really well done - Finn and Flame Princess, Dipper and Pacifica (yeah I ship them), the early stages of Katara and Aang (before the showrunners imbued this childhood crush with cosmic significance), Steven and Connie, etc. Catra and Adora, though, are different. Their love story is not a side plot or a sub plot, it’s the heart of the show. It isn’t a childhood crush, it’s a very messy and passionate relationship between two young adults. She-Ra is an emotionally complex lesbian romance just as much as it is a thrilling action/adventure show. Everything about their relationship is baked into the show’s plot, its themes, hell even its musical score. The dramatic tension between Catra and Adora is not the result of stretching out a flirtation for ratings, but a coherent dramatic arc that runs through the entire show. As Noelle said, he made Catradora so central that execs couldn’t take it out without ruining the show. And the show is better for it. In this series of posts I’m going to try to show why, as well as showing why She-Ra is such a fantastic love story.

First off, let’s talk about how Catra and Adora’s character arcs are foils for each other, and how they come together and apart through the series. This is actually a post that I’ve been working on for a while but I keep summarizing the show rather than cutting to the chase, so I’m not going to recite many plot points so much as sketch out what’s going on with the dramatic structure at the time. But also, let’s talk about what each character’s arc is saying, and how they are commenting on each other. Spoiler alert: Catra’s arc is a subversion and critique of stories of empowerment through ruthless self-assertion and revenge, while Adora’s arc is a subversion and critique of chosen one narratives and stories of self-denial and self-transcendence.

When the show starts, Adora and Catra are shown as rivals and friends - their first scene starts the recurring motif of them reaching out for each other as one of them dangles above an abyss, as well as establishing their flirtatious banter and easy camaraderie. We quickly learn that these two young women plan to conquer the world together. These scenes and later flashbacks show Catra and Adora as deeply enmeshed in each others lives, to the point where neither of them (but especially Catra) have clear identities outside of one another. There is so much genuine love on both sides before Adora leaves, but also resentment, envy and fear, especially on Catra’s side, as well as a protectiveness on Adora’s side that deprives Catra of her autonomy. They are both being abused by Shadow Weaver - Catra physically  and emotionally, Adora emotionally. It wouldn’t be too much to say that Shadow Weaver holds Catra hostage to control Adora (this is why critiques that Adora abandoned Catra to be abused are actually kind of messed up, since they accept Shadow Weaver’s premise that Adora is responsible for what Shadow Weaver does to Catra). In addition, Catra and Adora actually see the world incredibly differently. Adora already sees the world in terms of right, wrong and her destiny to right wrongs - this is why it’s important for her  to accept the Horde’s obvious lies - she couldn’t keep living if she didn’t. Catra, on the other hand, sees the world solely in terms of survival and personal loyalty - everything for her is about preserving herself and the person she cares about - Adora.

Then, when Adora finds the sword, she leaves because it’s the right thing to do. Catra doesn’t even have a concept of ‘the right thing to do’ being something she should care about, or perhaps, something she can care about as an irredeemably evil, awful fuck-up. So at Thaymor neither one understands where the other is coming from, and Catra and Adora begin to part. This is the first turning point in their relationship. Adora chooses duty over what she desires, Catra chooses to protect herself (such as she sees it) and nurse her sense of betrayal and abandonment.

Their relationship until Promise is a kind of weird Frenemy thing that is fascinating to watch and sold me on the show. Neither one wants to fully admit to themselves that the other is now their enemy, neither one has given up on changing the other’s mind. Each is furious at the other, and desperate to see her again at the same time. There’s a lot of heartache and just as much sexual tension, especially at Princess Prom. Both of them come alive when they fight each other (more about that in a later post). But they’re already growing apart - Adora embracing her destiny as She-Ra, Catra rising in the ranks for the Horde. Adora now has the purpose she always wanted, plus other friends and a sense of being chosen to do something great, while Catra now has power - the means to protect herself from people like Shadow Weaver as well as the vindication she had always been denied, and even the opportunity to beat Shadow Weaver at her own game.

The next turning point is Promise. Holy fuck, this episode. It’s an episode that is even more heartbreaking after you’ve watched the show because you know just how much worse things are going to get, and yet, it’s a necessary part of both of their character arcs. Even through season 1 Catra and Adora had remained very much enmeshed in each others lives in an increasingly fucked up way as they grew apart but refused to turn away from each other. Even though they aren’t -exactly- a romantic couple (Adora doesn’t recognize and acknowledge her feelings until the last episode of Season 5), Season 1 of She-Ra is one of the worst breakups I have seen on TV. As I said in a couple of previous posts, this is the kind of shit that the Mountain Goats write songs about. Everything that was poisoning their love for each other even before episode 1 bubbles to the surface and combines with them fighting on opposite sides of the war to make a truly fucked up situation. In the end, it’s Catra that makes the choice to turn away from Adora. This isn’t a -good- decision. It’s spiteful, and destructive, and based on an outright deluded understanding of their relationship (inspired by Light Hope’s manipulations and her own issues), but it’s in some ways a necessary decision. Catra has been so wrapped up in Adora for so long that she isn’t going to be able to figure out who -she- is without cutting Adora out of her life. And the same is true of Adora.

But each of them do this in about the worst way possible. Catra embraces destruction, ambition, manipulation and outright cruelty, turning the tactics of her abusers against them and against everyone around her. She first triumphs over Shadow Weaver and manipulates Entrapta into trying to corrupt Etheria itself. Meanwhile Adora ‘lets go’ and commits herself to the self-denying mantle of She-Ra. Over the next several seasons, their respective paths will nearly lead both Catra and Adora to their deaths (in the Season 4 finale).

For the next season (counting season 2 and 3 as one) Catra and Adora are still closely linked, but as enemies. Still, there’s more than enough flirtation between them (that ‘Hey Catra’ in the first episode of Season 2 is something else), and especially on Adora’s side we see her hold back with Catra, and often take responsibility for the harm Catra inflicts, just like she had when they were kids. Yet they still drift apart - after facing off every other episode in Season 1, they spend less and less time on screen together through season 2 and 3. Catra continues her ascent to power and descent into villainy while Adora becomes more of a stressed out mess as she takes the fate of the world and the wellbeing of everyone she cares about on her admittedly broad shoulders. Catra’s one moment of vulnerability is rewarded by Shadow Weaver’s betrayal and her exile, then Catra triumphs in ruthless badass fashion through sheer desperation and aggression. In the Crimson Wastes, we see Catra at her most independent, and she almost seems happy. But once Adora shows up and Catra hears about Shadow Weaver, she’s sucked back into the worst of her resentments, and she makes very clear that being happy is less important to her than making sure Adora is miserable.

This changes everything. Catra completely breaks with reality and tries to kill Adora, herself and the world rather than lose to Adora and Shadow Weaver (I do think it’s important to remember that she does that after Shadow Weaver nearly kills her). Catra betrays everyone around her when she exiles Entrapta, threatens Scopria and lies to Hordak. Then she flips the switch. When Adora tries to fix things, Catra fights to her own death to make sure that the world disintegrates with her. For her part, Adora fights first to understand what is wrong with the world and then to fix it. Finally she tells Catra that destroying the world is her choice and she has to live with it, decks her, and then sees her off with a death glare once the portal is closed. With this, Adora writes Catra off even if, as she says later, she never never hated her. By doing that, Adora casts off the guilt that had dogged her and takes responsibility for her own life rather than someone else’s - this is actually a huge step for her, and one that will become more important in Season 4.

Season 4 is in many ways the nadir of their relationship. They only see each other once during the entire season, in Fluterrina, when Adora tries to blast Catra, much to the latter’s shock. There’s a sense in that scene that Catra is trying to have the same flirtatious enmity she used to have with Adora, and Adora is having none of it. Catra almost seems hurt by this, which is an early hint at how isolated Catra is beginning to feel. Catra spends the rest of the season at her highest and lowest. On the one hand she spends most of 12 episodes winning by every standard she has ever claimed to care about, besting Hordak himself in single combat and making herself co-ruler of the Horde and coming within a day’s march of ending the Rebellion. In many ways it is the ultimate empowerment fantasy - the abused young woman has defeated her abusers, showed up everyone who doubted her and forced everyone to respect her. But I think it’s striking that the show starts with her and Adora dreaming of conquering the world together and in Season 4 Catra nearly succeeds in conquering it alone, almost like she was trying to live out her old shared fantasy while proving she didn’t need her former best friend. 

At the same time, Catra is clearly miserable. She’s always been unhappy, but in Season 4 we see her completely isolated and lying to herself and everyone who will listen in a desperate attempt to justify her actions. Turning the tactics of Hordak and Shadow Weaver against them to gain power and then against Scorpia and Entrapta to maintain it haven’t vindicated Catra, they’ve made her more and more alone as Entrapta is exiled and Scorpia drifts away. Meanwhile Catra reaches out to Double Trouble, and her interactions with them reek of a kind of desperate desire to have someone in her life (the feeling of their interaction is of an unhealthy casual relationship where one partner becomes emotionally invested and the other takes advantage of that while denying the other the closeness they desire). As people leave her, one after the other, it becomes clearer and clearer that Catra doesn’t want power at all - she wants connection, friendship, love, and power is a very poor replacement. As I said in my long Catra rant, Season 4 is both her ‘Walter White as a Catgirl’ season and the beginning of her redemption. Everything comes to head when Sparkles destroys everything Catra has tried to achieve, Double Trouble delivers those harsh truths and Horde Prime shows up and makes it all irrelevant, just highlighting how futile all her struggles and sacrifices and crimes have been.

Meanwhile Adora spends Season 4 becoming her own her and her own woman. After telling off Catra, she grows more and more disillusioned with Light Hope and critical of Glimmer (though the latter has more than a shade of her old habit of taking responsibility for others - Adora’s development is not linear). She’s gained the courage and confidence to strike out her own path, not just follow a destiny. At the season’s end she once again breaks with her best friend to do what is right, and discards the destiny that she was being prepared for. But in this case she isn’t chasing one packaged destiny for another, instead she’s making her own choice and literally shattering the thing that she thought gave her life purpose. It’s badass, and heartbreaking, and along with decking Catra and jumping after Catra into the abyss (see below) it’s the perfect Adora moment.

In many ways Season 5 starts with Catra and Adora farther apart than they have ever been. They aren’t even enemies anymore, they’re completely out of each other’s lives. And both Catra and Adora are lost at the beginning of Season 5 - Catra is useless and alone on Prime’s ship, completely defeated despite ostensibly being on the winning side, and she goes through the motions of her normal plotting without any particular conviction and none of her normal flair. Meanwhile Adora is even more miserable and self-destructive than usual, throwing herself at Horde Bots and working herself until she drops of exhaustion. In a very real way they both stay lost until they have a chance to help the other. Catra takes responsibility for what she’s done and what she can do, saves Glimmer (at least partly for Adora’s sake), apologizes to Adora, and sacrifices herself. Adora only seems to come alive when she decides to turn around, face Prime, and save the cat. And when she does, Catra and Adora’s arcs, which had separated so completely in season 4, come crashing back together to end the series.

Adora during Save the Cat is such a contrast with the uncertain, hesitant and self-destructive wreck we’ve seen so far in Season 5. This is possibly her craziest plan in 3 years of mostly cazy plans, but she never wavers or questions herself. Even when Chipped Catra appears and we see Adora’s heart break while we watch, Adora doesn’t back down or relent. She keeps at it even as the tears stream down her face. She fights better trying to save Catra without She-Ra’s powers than she fought at the Battle of Bright Moon with them. Catra’s just about as desperate - we see her cry and plead, and now is probably as good a time to any to point out how amazing a job both VAs did throughout the show, but especially in this episode, and how good a job the board artists did. 

Seeing each other for the first time in a year, and only the second time since Catra blew everything up, Catra and Adora are probably the rawest and least restrained we’ve ever seen them. There’s barely any banter, no bravado, and no pretense that they are anything other than two women who desperately need each other (Prime doesn’t help with ‘You broke my heart’.) Then Catra is flung to her death, Adora jumps after her, breaks both her legs in the fall (we see her crawl to Catra, as though she couldn’t walk) and becomes the real She-Ra. It’s such a triumphant and deeply queer moment seeing a woman transformed into a warrior goddess to protect the woman she loves, and it’s the reason that, as dark as it is, Save the Cat is my Comfort Food episode.

Let’s not sleep on Taking Control, though. This episode is like a microcosm of what this show does best, especially the A plot with Catra and Adora. Catra’s reversion to lashing out at everyone and her refusal to be open to Adora shows just how much of a struggle this whole ‘being good and trying to connect to people’ thing is. Catra’s outburst gives Adora a chance to stand up for herself and refuse to be Catra’s punching bag, while also not trying to control her. Adora’s ultimatum gives Catra a chance to reach out to Adora (quite literally), and allow herself to be vulnerable. In this episode, we see just how far Catra and Adora have come since the messed up stew of their relationship in Season 1. Adora lets Catra be responsible for her own actions; Catra lets herself be vulnerable to Adora and takes responsibility for her actions. They’re both better people and better friends and better partners than they were, and the show has shown this in a strikingly nuanced and realistic way. 

The important thing to note in the next few episodes of Season 5 isn’t just how much closer Catra and Adora get to each other and how much they flirt (So much. So much, y’all) but just how -happy- they are. We see both of them transformed in the other’s presence. Basically, since they’ve parted, both Catra and Adora have been defined in no small part by how miserable they often are. They have both had their triumphs and their lighter moments, but there’s been a sense of melancholy dogging both Catra and Adora since episode 1. And now that they’re together again, that lifts, somewhat. Catra’s verbal barbs have lost their venom, and she can openly show how much she cares for Adora and even Bow and Glimmer. She’s still herself - snarky, cynical, somewhat devious - but she’s not engaged in a self-destructive zero-sum struggle with everyone around her. Meanwhile Adora has spent 4 seasons being a neurotic and sometimes nearly joyless mess who takes responsibility for everything and often doesn’t let herself enjoy anything other than the odd BFS group hug (exceptions include trying to uh...impress Huntara and reveling with the butterfly ladies of Elberron in Flutterina).  Around Catra, though, she’s a cocky, swaggering jock who gives as good as she gets. It’s a side of Adora we’ve only seen hints of before, and one that’s so much more confident and joyful even as the world is ending around her. Apart, Catra had tried to protect and vindicate herself with power and conquest, while Adora had tried to forget herself in duty and sacrifice. Together, they can be themselves again. This dynamic is crucial to the show’s portrayal of Catra and Adora’s romance because it doesn’t just show how much they love each other, but how they’re -good- for each other now that they’ve grown as people, and that they are so much better than they were when they were apart.

Until Shadow Weaver shows up. Their old abuser reintroduces tensions but even then things are different than they were. Now Catra isn’t just resentful of how Shadow Weaver prefers Adora - she’s  protective of Adora, which is clearest in Failsafe when she calls Shadow Weaver out for being willing to sacrifice Adora. And while Adora takes the Failsafe, it isn’t to follow her destiny or because she has a death wish - it’s because she loves her friends, and she is the only one who has any hope of doing this and living (though Catra’s suggestion that Shadow Weaver take it is a good one). And finally, when Catra leaves Adora, it isn’t because she hates Adora, nor, despite what she says, is it because she really thinks that Adora chose Shadow Weaver. At least, not exactly. It’s because Catra loves Adora, and can admit that to herself, and can’t stay around and watch the woman she loves sacrifice herself rather than choosing Catra. Before Catra leaves, she asks Adora ‘What do you want?” It’s a question that echoes Shadow Weaver’s speech in Episode 1: ‘isn’t this what you always wanted since you could want anything?’ As much as Adora has grown as a person, and defined herself and stood up for what she thinks is right, she still has never answered that question - it’s never been ‘what do I want’ but ‘what do I have to do?’ and that’s how Adora answers Catra’s question. This is Adora’s last gasp as a self-transcending hero, letting go of what she wants (not that she ever dared articulate what that was) in order to do what must be done. And it nearly kills her and dooms the universe, because Adora can’t be the hero that she needs to be by being anyone less than herself.

But it’s losing Catra that inspires Adora to tell off Shadow Weaver for good (not that she’d ever really warmed to her after season 1). And it’s love for Adora that inspires Catra to stand up to Shadow Weaver and demand that she do the right thing. In both cases, Catra and Adora aren’t just standing up to their abuser, but holding her to account for the harm she’s caused, and it’s the love that they have for each other that inspires them to do this. In Catra’s case in particular her refusal to let Shadow Weaver weasel out of finding Adora is a much greater triumph over Shadow Weaver than beating her up and breaking her mask in Season 1 - it’s proof not so much to Shadow Weaver but to Catra herself that Catra really is better than this and that she deserves better than this. It’s not turning her abuser’s tactics against her, but truly holding her to a moral standard and demanding that she do the right thing.

And then there’s Catra and Adora together at the heart. Catra has already come back for Adora and stayed to the end, choosing to die with her even if she can’t share a life together (not out of some death wish, but because Adora needs her). And Adora, who’s been avoiding answering the question for three fucking years, finally let’s herself want Catra when Catra finally confesses her love (breaking the last of her self-protective shields) and asks Adora to stay -for her-. And by admitting what she wants, Adora can truly be at peace with herself and be the hero she needs to be, lesbianism saves the universe, The End.

So anyway, that’s how Catra and Adora’s stories are woven together and how they compliment and comment on each other. Narrativiely, Adora and Catra start together, come apart, find something of themselves, and truly find themselves and each other when they are reunited. Thematically, they are critiquing seemingly opposing narrative tropes - empowerment narratives and narratives of self sacrifice. But by showing the flaws in both types of story and showing how neither self-seeking empowerment nor self-negating self sacrifice can actually make us happy, She-Ra asks and answers more profound questions than most prestige dramas for adults do. I’ll get into how the show sells the idea that the power of love can bring us happiness (and save the world) in a future post. But next up, I’m going to celebrate just how much Catra and Adora’s relationship revels in ambiguity, complexity and contradiction and so tells a grown up love story in a kid’s show.

Further exploration…

I’ve used this chart before when going through signs, houses and certain planetary aspects. You can find the post here.

I thought I’d move spontaneously with my own train of thought as it applies to this chart in order to explore it a bit more.

At a first glance, this person seems like a hopeful and ambitious person, hungry for expansion but conflicted, held back by insecurities and limitations. The world is an open road, a big playpen, an endless adventure for this person. All Sagittarius Rising people head out in life with a spirit of boldness and expectation, but seeing as the Ascendant and Jupiter (the chart ruler) are square Pluto-Uranus and Saturn, there are difficult dilemmas for this person to deal with. There’s probably resentment, fear, paranoia of being used and taken advantage of and strong emotional charges tied up with the desire for a good and abundant life. There’s certainly a motivation to work hard and use the all one’s inner resources to achieve wealth in the broad sense of the word. Jupiter is in the 7th house (of other people), Pluto-Uranus in the 8th  (of intimate merging) and Saturn in the 2nd  (material possessions). The potential success one can get out of cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) conflicts with the emotional intensity and tie to other people (Pluto in 8th) and one’s sense of responsibility and effort to acquire something of one’s own (Saturn in 2nd). The person feels burdened to acquire personal resources and may be harboring violent resentment (Saturn square Pluto) because of the influence that other people have over him (Pluto in 8th). The ease that is sought through cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) and partnering up with other people might be in painful conflict with the obligation to be financially independent (Saturn in 2nd). There’s suspicion and unpredictability in the sphere of intimate relations, a lot of storms and violent passions that might rob the person of stability and structure. This is not an easy dynamic to deal with and one might feel like there’s a difficult contradiction between the passionate intensity and positive expansion that is derived from other people (Pluto in 8th, Jupiter in 7th) and hard reality of having to achieve something on one’s own and stand independently (Saturn in the 2nd).

The pressure and requirement of being self-sustaining and solid financially seems to have wounded the person in some way, seeing as Saturn is conjunct Chiron, the archetype of the wounded healer. The challenges and hurdles to overcome might not have been possible to face. Earning money might prove difficult, or at least it’s done in a very cautious and controlled way according to convention. Saturn represents the concept of responsibility and duty – Chiron represents a wound that is impossible to heal but is coped with through philosophical approach or practical skills. There’s wounding around discipline, structure and authority and there’s probably deep inadequacy around being truly effective in the “real” world of objects and assets – but it’s coped with through adopting certain attitudes and deliberately finding practical ways to cope. The person might secure a stable and reliable source of income but doesn’t get the feeling of being of true importance, perhaps there’s a feeling of being replaceable, not naturally suited for the work that is done or being undervalued and underpaid. The Saturn-Chiron conjunction sits in Pisces, which goes well together with the 10th house Neptune. There’s a sacrificial and heavy emotional approach to career and earning a living, the person might not have any particular desire for “making something of himself” in the world and becomes more of a servant of the needs and demands of society. It would seem as if this dynamic is easily accepted by the personality, seeing as the Sun in Cancer trines Neptune and Saturn, creating a grand trine figuration in the chart. The person derives identity through the disciplined and sacrificial components of the psyche. The Sun in the 7th indicates that purpose, meaning and self-actualization happen through other people, possibly with a life partner that cooperate as to provide some kind of care and safety (Sun in Cancer) and that is gentle, imaginative and responsible (Neptune and Saturn).

Let’s go deeper into the relational realm. Venus sits in Leo the 8thhouse conjunct Mercury, which means that love is a deep a passionate pursuit for this person. It is felt through soul-touching intimacy and strong emotional binds. It would appear as if this person derives a lot of his experiences from other people, in other words, he’s accessing himself through close proximity and entanglement with others.  This person doesn’t feel loved and can’t really love until he’s gotten to the most raw and real parts of himself or another. Venus is tied up with Mercury, which indicates a skill with words in expressing fondness and adoration. When he’s in love he’s communicative, flexible, exciting and very emotionally expressive. However, the sacrificial element of Neptune is squaring Venus, hinting at a proclivity to fall for an image or illusion, seeing people through rose-colored glasses and hoping to be saved through romantic union. This person might be disappointed in love and find out that one is prone to give of oneself to the point of depletion. The dilemma that has to be tackled has to do with boundaries – how far one is willing to extend oneself in the name of sustaining relationships or how much one is able to demand of a partner. There’s a savior-victim-redeemer complex tied up with the idea of love – individual integrity has to be sacrificed. It might be that the person feels that the only the attractive quality that he possesses is the one of complete acceptance and sacrifice of individual pride as characteristic of “spiritual love”. Neptune sits in the 10th, the house of the mother, and no doubt she must’ve been quite emotionally consuming, dreamy and yearning for the biggest treasures of life, the greatest happiness and the greatest love without boundaries. Of course, there’s no such thing as boundlessness in the physical realm, and acting like there is might lead to over-consumption (seeing as Neptune is inconjunct Jupiter and square Venus). “Where did love and happiness go?” is the question of such a person and the answer, as always with Neptune is “down the drain”. The lack of structure and definition that is characteristic of Neptune always become painfully real sooner or later. The person might be quite able to keep up with his job and career endeavors in Neptunian style of compassion and selfless service (seeing as Neptune is trine Saturn, the planet of discipline and material structure) but might not be as fortunate in love or abundance. Relationships require some effort as much as anything else in the “real” world. A lot of painful disillusionment and unfulfilled dreams might surface in relationships seeing as both Jupiter and Venus in relational houses makes aspects Neptune.

As already touched upon briefly, it would seem that the person has an inclination toward engaging in writing and literary pursuits. The Venus-Mercury conjunction points to a real sensitivity and feeling for communication, Mars in Libra (sextile Venus-Mercury) is in the 9th house of higher education points to a fine-tuned and socially accommodating drive to achieve greater intellectual understanding of the world. Aries, the sign ruled by Mars is in the 3rd house of interaction and communication, suggesting an inclination to assert the will through mental engagement. Not to mention that the Sagittarius Ascendant is a big indicator of the scholar type, the lecturer and the preacher. There’s a lot of personal strength derived from being knowledgeable for this person – sharing and perhaps imposing one’s insights on the environment (Mars 9th house, Aries in 3rd). Mars in Libra sextile Venus-Mercury and the Moon, which is indicative of a quite benign and socially acceptable Mars. There are no difficult aggression problems in this person as far as the chart can tell, the way he goes about things are quite smooth and void of severe friction. The martial drive is quite different from the plutonic passion; the latter being something the person would have more of an issue with. Martial drive is action that is taken on the behalf of the self in order to move forward, to move beyond obstacles and problems. The Mars drive is our personal capacity to achieve. Plutonic passion is inner emotional intensity that is ultimately outside of personal control – it’s the primitive survival mechanism that works in all kinds of quietly powerful ways. Although this person might consciously pursue is ambitions in quite pleasant and non-violent ways, there’s a lot of emotional charge stirring below the conscious surface that should be evident to anyone that comes close enough (Pluto in the 8th) and it might be extremely destructive and undermining, not only to others but to himself as well.

Let’s take a look at the Moon and the emotional nature. It’s in Sagittarius which means that the person needs to be “on the go” to have things to look forward to, to keep moving and occupied with rewarding and fun activities. The fire signs are all about honoring the immortal spirit which means that the person has to find a way to keep the spirits high and the energy flowing in order to feel good, this is especially true since the Moon makes a trine to Venus-Mercury in Leo. Mentally stimulating and warm environments that allows for spontaneity is what this person wants and needs. The placement in the 12th house echoes the Neptunian influence, pointing to an emotionally undefined and obscure person that has a hard time finding personal identity in emotion. Emotions might be something that just flows through, leaving little to no trace as they continuously fluctuate. The 12th house is related to family issues from the past and it’s possible that emotions were not something that was dealt with as real and important. Emotional neglect and isolation might’ve been the case. Since the Moon relates to the mother, she was probably quite avoidant of her own emotional truth, remaining diffuse and undifferentiated, fluctuating with the dictates of the environment and constantly mirroring others (which is confirmed by the 10th house Neptune as well).

Let’s end with taking a brief look at the father. The Sun is in Cancer in the 7th, possibly pointing to someone who is sensitive and emotionally driven, diplomatic, keen to establish a strong social identity and take advantage (not in a bad way necessarily) of other people’s skills. He would have a good sense of responsibility and duty (Sun trine Saturn) as a natural inclination toward artistic pursuits and heightened sensitivity to the imaginative realm (Sun trine Neptune). He would also be quite intense, determined and persevering, considering the Sun sextile Pluto aspect, and original, preoccupied with ideas and potential considering the Sun sextile Uranus aspect. Taurus is in the 4thhouse, indicating a Venusian tilt, a taste for the pleasure of materialism and personal possessions.

The Wildfire Generation: Pluto in Sagittarius

HAPPY SAGITTARIUS SEASON!

Whew. We made it.

In honor of this season, wherein the sun ventures back into my 1st house of self, initiatives (and a whole host of other things too), I'm starting a series of personalized placement deep-dives! I'll speak generally and personally, so find yourself, find a friend, find a piece of me, or find out how lovingly and in-depth I can speak about you and your own beautiful natal placements, if you do us both the honor of booking a reading with me. <3 And if you're an astrologer yourself, please reach out with any push back, feedback, or disagreements! Very interested in other POVs, esp from other Pluto in Sag readers. :)

Okay! So without further ADO, and in the spirit of the season, I’ll start with my only, lonely, planet in Sagittarius: Pluto

I feel p equipped to talk about the Pluto in Sag gen, as a 0 degree Pluto in Sag. The 0 degree marks what's often deemed the transit’s truest, most concentrated expression of the energy. When a planet changes sign, and especially when the slowest moving planet changes sign, shit shifts quick.

My Sag Pluto is located in my 12th house (in the Placidus house system)—about 6 degrees above my Sag ascendant, so a loose conjunction, giving me no choice but to project the energy outwards as part of my perceived identity. The 12H(ouse) is where the deep stuff gets done. It’s the reservoir of our psychic structures, our collective foundations. Pluto is deeply perceptive, even from very far away, so with Pluto placed here, I'm deftly able to wade through the collective unconscious—the whole poverty, extinction, destruction, scarcity, fear, violence, hatred, oppression, etc that comes out of the foundation of modernity (antiblackness and capitalism). If Venus or Jupiter were here in my 12H, I might not be so focused on the power-centric doom and gloom of it all, but, alas, it's Pluto, and Pluto's not fucking around. Still tethered to the Sun, as tiny as it is, it's like the pea under ten mattresses that you're never quite able to ignore. Even if you're able to fall asleep with it there, it shows up in your dreams, your subconscious makes nightmares of it, until you jump down off your perch, wriggle underneath all that weight, and inspect what the fuck is going on. Then you realize it's not a pea, it's a whole damn planet, and under the mattresses are also, as I said, antiblackness and capitalism. Yikes!

Pluto happens outside of us, yet drives us still—the collective consciousness we're tuned into, it's a deep-seated, karmic, powerful lil planet that marks a generation: temporally, instinctually, and viscerally. It's the underlying energy that connects us all, binds us together in an unspoken, even subconscious, shared direction. From 17 Jan - 20 April '95 then again from 10 Nov '95 - 27 Jan '08 and with a last little dip from 13 June - 26 Nov '08 we have a Fiery Generation, the Pluto in Sagittarius generation. The only generation born of fire since 1945 and until 2068.

Assuming no limitations, and to hell with consternation, fire catalyzes change—and when mutable, change that can never return to what it once was. Situated in Sag, we see a generation of visionaries, optimizers, and philosophers. A generation tasked with life-long journeys of karmically transforming Sagittarian energy—working with the shadow side of the sign, engaging in all the ways it's been corrupted, and evolving it. Sagittarius is the healthy wildfire that sweeps through the forest after the trees get too dead and dry. Pluto in Scorpio ppl are the fungi on the dead tree stumps working to decompose all the shady doings going on in power structures (but unfortunately sometimes joining in), and the nutritious ash that will feed the secondary growth—holding an absolute truth that death and rebirth are inevitable and sacred. Their M.O. is gaining power and slowly, quietly breaking things down from the inside-out. But that’s not the Sagittarian way.

Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter—the Great Benefic, the fattest mf in the solar system—likes to think BIG. Jupiter is the protector of the bunch, so big and beautiful that its vast orbit reroutes asteroids hurtling towards Earth. We're a Jupiterian gen that loves humanity and the idea of ~Liberation~ and that loves to yell about it too, loves to get together and figure out how to fix things, to make them more fun, more spirited, and less serious. A gen that's more than happy to do something that's never ever been done before, maybe even something crazy, (a generation that will re-imagine the very notion of crazy, because if you're not going crazy within this deranged hellscape they've built and simply thrust us into, then what the FUCK?) Sag likes to attempt something amazing and laugh if, for whatever reason, it fails. Because Jupiter loves to learn above all else, and there is simply no learning without failure.

So, in whatever house Pluto lives in within your natal chart is where these energies will be most potent. I’m explaining generally how I intuit the planet Pluto and the sign Sagittarius meshing and interacting, but how it manifests within you will be unique, and further clarified in your chart through aspects to other planets, and ofc your on-the-Earth life experience!

With the oldest of us now 26, and our bbs just becoming teens, we are finally taking the stage and taking names (for the guillotine). Pluto in Sag comes through with a moral compass to lead us all in the right direction. Hopefully. A gen that seeks to shout the societal secrets unearthed by Pluto in Scorp, preferring to shout our beliefs from the rooftops, not even giving a single fuck if anyone's listening. We theorize, sensationalize, try anything on for size. We're collectively saying fuck what ya heard about any and all cultural norms, as we are a gen that makes its own rules and, even then, might not follow them.

People say that Pluto is all about power, but Sag doesn't want power, doesn't necessarily believe there's anything good about having power over another. Will we have an influx of quirky and charismatic gurus? Maybe. Will there be a whole bunch of teachers holding classes for concepts and skills that don't even exist yet? Surely. But, honestly, power is responsibility(!) and, generally speaking, Sag would prefer to do without that for as long as possible, especially if it’s a forever thing that can’t be put down from time to time. If anything, they're here for purpose—the power that lies within an idea, in faith, in doing something that matters and feels like it matters. Something divine.

When power is given to one person or a group of people, especially when that person/those ppl are Not acting according to anything resembling a righteous good, Pluto in Sag is not gonna fuck with it. I genuinely believe that we are the gen that will reject hierarchical power structures. That we will search the globe (ideally, digitally and respectfully) for alternative ways of governance, because centralized power is, like, the surest way to restrict freedoms, and Sag's ultimate goal is True Freedom—they'll drop anything else in the name of it. The Sag dream is that of surrender—to the journey, to the vibe, to the experience of life. And it's no fun to surrender to a dreadful situation, especially when that sitch seems to have no end in sight.

But it's not the Sagittarian way to look to the past and repeat it. A Sag practice is certainly to study, to be well-learned and to be ready to wax poetic about their preferred theoretical frameworks and belief systems at any given moment . . . but I wouldn't really call that a foundation for what Sag does with that information. It's more of a jumping off point. We, the Plutos in Sag, are more so destined to launch into something new and unknown (not colonizing Mars, pls not colonizing Mars) rather than attempt something that's already been tried.

Pluto in Sag asks the question: what if the end of the world isn't all doom and gloom and the scary state of nature pitched to us by our hypercapitalist ethics professors (was that just me?)

The wildfire sign whispers, why don't we simply [theoretically—remember, Sag is allll theory] BURN IT ALL DOWN, paint ourselves with the ashes, and throw a motherfucking party, because what if, instead, it's the end of THEIR world, and the beginning of ours? What if it's quitting our useless jobs, saying fuck you to the brutal business of academia, shimmying tf away from organized religion, and going out into the natural beauty of this earth, the LITTLE of it that remains, and respectfully taking some time amongst the splendor to think for ourselves and dream up a truly beautiful lifestyle? Simply doing what we love and know is right, providing the space for people to delve into and explore their purpose(!) and having it all work out? Jupiter has an extremely hard time believing that everything won't all work out. There may be a grand journey, a little tussle here and there—for the mems and the memoir—but Jupiter WINS in the end AND shares the bounty and the glory with everyone.

And if we do it well enough—if we use the upcoming Pluto in Aquarius transit [a sextile! a pleasant aspect, especially if worked with consciously] to deepen our humanitarian ideals, think outside these damming boxes and binaries, these one-dimensional spectrums and vertical hierarchies—if we can break free from the conditioning that exploitation is natural, that greed is inherent, that independence and collectivism cannot coexist in culture—if we can do this with intention? The Pluto in Capricorn kids coming up behind us will secure the bag. Those lil Saturnians will provide the structure to hold our ideas, if those ideas are truly sustainable.

I hope you enjoyed this deep dive! Next week I’ll be back in ur inbox to talk about the South Node transit through Sagittarius, which is finallllly finishing up at the end of the December, after 18 whole months :o I'll also have both this letter and the Scorpio szn letter recorded by then, I promise!!

<3 kay

Also, to hear more from me in the future, and read any of my past musings too, find me at https://kaydarling.substack.com/

Palestine and Challenging Settler Colonial Imaginaries

This week on the show, we’re airing a portion of our 2018 interview with filmmaker and activist Yousef Natsha about his film about his hometown, Hebron, and the Israeli occupation of Palestine. We invite you to check out our full interview with him from March 25, 2018, linked in our show notes and we’re choosing to air this right now because of the flare up in violent evictions, home destruction and the assassination of around 100 Palestinian residents of Gaza by the “Israeli Defense Forces”. Podcast image by Yousef Natsha. [00:10:24]

Then, we’ll be sharing a panel from the 2021 UNC Queer Studies Conference called “No Blank Slates: A Discussion of Utopia, Queer Identity, and Settler Colonialism” featuring occasional Final Straw host, Scott Bransen alongside E. Ornelas and Kai Rajala. This audio first aired on Queercorps, on CKUT radio in Montreal. If you’d like to engage in this project, reach out to [email protected] [00:24:05]

Also, Sean Swain on aparthied [00:01:48]

No Blank Slates: A Discussion of Utopia, Queer Identity, and Settler Colonialism

Presenter(s)

Scott Branson, E Ornelas, Kai Rajala

Abstract

Under the neoliberal regime of multiculturalism, the settler colonial project has relied on the assimilation of certain subaltern communities into its project for the effective dispossession and control of indigenous lands. This discussion will present ideas from a book project we are collaborating on in order to invite conversation around the intersection and tension around ideas of liberation and forms of appropriation and oppression. Our main challenge for radical queers is to rethink the kinds of futures we try to include ourselves in, and how our liberatory work can subtly replay exclusion and erasure. How do neoliberal utopian gay politics perpetuate settler colonial erasure and genocide? How do politics that seek inclusion and representation--in other words assimilation--disavow the work by indigenous self-determination movements, which are also poised on the frontlines of planetary self-defense? The workshop will be divided up into short presentations by each writer, followed by a structured discussion facilitated by the presenters.

Description:

The utopian project that underwrote the Canadian/American settler colonial states that still exist today was eventually transmuted into a neoliberal utopian sense of identity. The entire concept of space and self that we inherit is imbued with utopian longing for a time and place that we can fully be ourselves. This kind of rhetoric is largely at play in mainstream identity-based movements, like gay rights. But this longing often works in favor of the regime of violence and dominance perpetrated by the modern nation state. We can see how the attempt at inclusive representation of queer cultures leads to assimilation and appropriation. What gets included in regimes of representation ends up mimicking the norms of straight/cisgender heteronormativity, in terms of class aspirations, behaviors, and family structures. This therefore contributes to systematic erasure of Black and Brown queer folks, who are still the most targeted “identities” for state violence and its civilian deputies. With images of diversity that appeal to bourgeois urban gays, businesses and governments can pinkwash their violence.

A radical queer politics that relies on unquestioned utopian and dystopian visions risks aligning itself with a settler colonial imaginary of terra nullius or “blank slate” space. On the one hand, dystopian and apocalyptic visions perpetuate the unquestioned assumption that a societal collapse is impending, as if the continual degradation of human and more-than-human communities has not already arrived. Particularly dangerous in this assumption is the kind of crisis rhetoric that fosters opportunities for settler colonial sentiments of insecurity and, in the face of this insecurity, assertions of belonging and sovereignty in land and lifeways. Furthermore, visions of radical utopias as-yet-to-be-realized (or, as-yet-to-be-colonized) discount the ongoing presence of Indigenous alternatives to the current settler colonial dystopian reality, and instead preserves a view of geographic and social space as blank and ready to be “improved” with a “new” model.

Here we have a problem of erasure of the oppressions and resistances that have been ongoing in different iterations, in favor of the blank space of the utopian frontier. We argue against these linear progression narratives of societal and environmental collapse which promise to bring about a future idealized world of rainbow-diverse identities. Instead, we propose ways for radical politics, particularly those espoused by non-Indigenous people, to disavow such settler colonial mindsets. There are a few ways to offer a glimpse into the lived realities—what we might still call utopian moments—that make up the non-alienated, revolutionary life: queer and indigenous histories of resistance, rituals and moment of community care and mutual aid, and science fiction revisions of the world. We argue that this other world does in fact exist—has existed and has not stopped existing—if only in the interstices or true moments of communing and inhabiting the land alongside friends and family.

This is not an argument in favor of utopia, but one that seeks to bypass the utopian/dystopian divide. The world we inhabit is clearly dystopian for most, and utopian for some, and in many estimations, constantly on the verge of ending. The disaster scenarios, repeating the puritanical eschatology that helped settle the colonies in America, perpetuates the history of erasure of ways of life that aren’t in fact gunning for that disaster. We still argue that the purpose of dreaming, of envisioning alternatives, is to make action possible today, through recognition of the power we do already hold. Our discussion will interrogate the settler-utopian impulses that get hidden within apparently liberatory movements, such as radical queers and strands of environmentalism, as well as the way these identities and politics are represented in narratives of liberation that rely on the same logic they claim to oppose.

Bios

E Ornelas (no pronouns or they/them) is a Feminist Studies PhD candidate in the Department of Gender, Women, & Sexuality Studies. As the descendant of a survivor of the Sherman Institute, a Native boarding school in Riverside, California—and therefore robbed of cultural, linguistic, and tribal identity—E’s research interests focus on the continued survivance and futurity of BIPOC communities, particularly through the use of literature. E's dissertation illuminates community-based, abolitionist-informed, alternative models of redress for gendered, racialized, and colonial violence by analyzing Black and Indigenous speculative fiction. When not on campus, E can be found reading feminist sci-fi, making music, baking vegan sweets, and walking their dog. [00:45:06]

Kai Rajala (pronounced RYE-ah-la) is a queer, nonbinary, white-settler of Finnish and mixed European descent. They are a writer, and an anarchist anti-academic working and living on the unceded territories of the Kanien'kehá:ka peoples on the island colonially referred to as Montréal, and known otherwise as Tiohtià:ke. They are currently pursuing studies as an independent researcher and are interested in sites outside of the university where knowledge production occurs. You can find Kai on twitter at @anarcho_thembo or on instagram at @they4pay. [00:57:28]

Scott Branson is queer trans Jewish anarchist who teaches, writes, translates, and does other things in Western so-called North Carolina. Their translation of Jacques Lesage De la Haye’s The Abolition of Prison is coming out with AK Press this summer. Their translation of Guy Hocquenghem’s second book, Gay Liberation After May 68, is due out next year with Duke University Press. They edited a volume of abolitionist queer writings based on two iterations of the UNC Asheville queer studies conference, due out with PM Press next year. They are currently working on a book on daily anarchism for Pluto Press and researching a book on the institutionalization of queerness in the academy. They also make books of poems and artwork. You can find Scott on Instagram @scottbransonblurredwords or check out sjbranson.com for more of their work or on twitter at @sjbranson1. [00:30:41]

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Featured tracks:

Dabkeh Melody by Mecky from The Combination Soundtrack

Born Here by DAM from The Rough Guide To Arabic Revolution [00:20:21]

Check out this episode!

Gogol the Clown

A member of the decay of angels, one of the few characters in the story we have seen follow Fyodor willingly rather than being mind controlled or a sycophant, an immediately loud and attention grabbing character. Nikolai Gogol has an incredible impact on the plot, despite only being around for a short time. There is a lot of deeper themes and philosophy to unravel in this engimatic character. So let’s answer Gogol’s question, just who is he? 

1. The Overcoat

As an ally of all clowns I am obligated to give a more in depth look at Gogol’s character. The first clue to his true nature is the author of his namesake, Nikolai Gogol. The author Gogol had a reptuation of a dramatist and a satirist, and blended humorous and tragic elements in his story to make critiques of society therefore we have Gogol, the laughing and yet tragic clown. 

His ability is named after The Overcoat a short story that had great influence in Russian Literature, as said by Dostoyevsky as “We all come from Gogols’ Overcoat.” 

The story narrates the life and death of Akaky Akakievich, an impoverished government clerk and copyist. He lives as nothing more than a tool of the bureaucracy, until he decides to save up for a new stylish overcoat which soon becomes the center of his life. Akaky after fasting for months finally can afford it, and is praised for the first time for the quality of his coat, only to be robbed the next day. When he speaks with a government official and meekly asks for help in cooperating with the police to retrieve the coat, the general scolds him so fiercely for interrupting his time with an unimportant matter. Soon afterwards, Akaky falls deathly ill with fever. In his last hours, delirious, imagining himself again sitting before the general and he pleads for forgiveness, before finally cursing the general. 

While Gogol, a clown who cooperates with terrorists and tries to drag down society has almost nothing in common with a punch-clock bureaucrat who has no life outside of his work, there’s an interesting comparison on how different their stories are. Almost as if Akakay is what Gogol is terrified of being, so much so he runs in the opposite direction. 

Both of their stories are primarily about their own deaths, but the way they die is opposite, Gogol chooses death, whereas Akaky meets his death soon after he deviates just a little bit from the social order of his humdrum life. 

If Gogol is a deviant of society, a dangerous terrorist, then Akaky is the living definition of a normal person. He has absolutely no life outisde of doing what others tell him to do His name Akaky Akakievich Bashmachkin, in russian means Akaky Bashmachkin the son of Akaky Bashmachkin. Which basically makes it the equivalent of John Johnson. It communicates his role as an everyman. He begins at the story a introverted, and hopeless but otherwise functioning non-entity with no expectations of social or material success. 

He basically acts like he was born to fit in a slot. His entire life consists of copying down documents, he does not do anything for himself other than what he is told. 

“It would be difficult to find another man who lived so entirely for his duties. It is not enough to say that Akakiy laboured with zeal: no, he laboured with love. In his copying, he found a varied and agreeable employment. Outside this copying, it appeared that nothing existed for him. He gave no thought to his clothes.”

He ‘enjoys’ his life so to speak, but he basically lives without living. He never makes any choices for himself, or desires anything for his life. He is satisfied but only because he wants for nothing. He has no thoughts of disatisfaction, but only because he never thinks. He lives without worries, because he never takes on the burden of his own free will. 

In other words as a bureaucrat he is not a person. He is a tool in the system. Not only that, but despite the fact that he is a completely harmless existence lacking any evil or bad intention at all, he is almost constantly bullied. He causes no trouble for others, keeps his head down, and does not even retaliate when he is jeered at and yet people continue to constantly push him down. Even when he is on the absolute bottom of society, he’s pushed. The only time he retaliates is when their jeers start to get into his work, at which point the mocking of him turns from humorous to tragic. 

How little humane feeling after all was to be found in men's hearts; how much coarseness and cruelty was to be found even in the educated and those who were everywhere regarded as good and honorable men."

When he is asked to think for himself and change just a few words on a document, Akaky is completely unable to do it. He’s unable to have a self.

This caused him so much toil that he broke into a perspiration, rubbed his forehead, and finally said, "No, give me rather something to copy." After that they let him copy on forever.

When he starts to desire a coat for the first time, something outside of his work, Akaky develops as a person. His self-esteem is raised and his expectations towards lief are raised as well by the overcoat. Which is why, when it is finally stolen, and Akaky is put back in his place so to speak by a much more important general he crashes back down. 

"Do you know to whom you speak? Do you realise who stands before you? Do you realise it? do you realise it? I ask you!"

In the end it’s a story of someone who dies without ever living, and only ever really making one choice for himself which was immediately taken away from him as he was ordered to go back to fitting in his slot. It shows that there’s more to life than simply obeying every single order given to you. Akaky by all means lived what society might call a good life, he never caused harm, he was never greedy, he never missed a day or work and yet we see the only result of that is people continuing to beat him down without any consideration. It’s an argument of what fitting into a society entails, and how absolutely mundane human cruelty can be. 

And St. Petersburg was left without Akakiy Akakievitch, as though he had never lived there. A being disappeared who was protected by none, dear to none, interesting to none, and who never even attracted to himself the attention of those students of human nature who omit no opportunity of thrusting a pin through a common fly, and examining it under the microscope.

A being who bore meekly the jibes of the department, and went to his grave without having done one unusual deed, but to whom, nevertheless, at the close of his life appeared a bright visitant in the form of a cloak, which momentarily cheered his poor life, and upon whom, thereafter, an intolerable misfortune descended, just as it descends upon the mighty of this world!

If you imagine Gogol as someone who exists in complete opposition to Akaky, trying to live a life where he makes every single choice in the opposite manner than the clown’s character becomes quite clear. 

Akaky is someone with really no free will, no free thought of his own, and no uniqueness. He is always the punch line to the jokers of other people. He is so plain what you see is basically what you get with him. He has no internal world whatsoever, and no designs of life. 

Gogol is a character based entirely around the concept of freedom, where freedom and his own identity, his uniqueness are the most important things to him. Which is why he dresses himself up as loudly as possible, plays the role of an eccentric, and becomes the clown. 

He is a terrorist, an outsider to society because for him that is the best method of being free. 

Society in Bungo Stray Dogs is after all, a lot like the one depicted in the Overcoat. A stagnant, uncaring thing, almost like a force of its own bearing down on others. Characters cannot easily move their position. Akutagawa is a stray dog, an orphan who is expected to die in the slums without ever receiving a helping hand, and the only way for him to escape that life is to become a murderer for the mafia. The poor stay poor, the weak are taken from, more orphans are not saved, the people in power stay in power in the name of an uneasy peace. 

The decay of angels is a group to hasten the destruction of a society that in their eyes, is already slowly decaying away. Not much is known on Gogol’s backstory, but if the alternative choice is for him to become downtrodden on like the man in the Overcoat it’s understandable why he would be so desperate for freedom he would flip the switch and go in the exact opposite, try to destroy anything that might hinder him, break any chain that might slow him down, run away from society so fast that running away and pursuing freedom became his only true identity. 

Gogol’s plan also shows how quickly society as a whole, but more importantly government bureacracy can turn on people the moment they stop fitting in a slot, the moment they ceae to be useful, no matter how much service they have given before that point. If the employees willingly give up their own humanity, the bureacracy will stop seeing them as people, as we see how quickly the government turns on the Armed Detective Agency despite all of their work before this point. 

The agency is the heart of the country, the nation’s pride, and then suddenly they are not. As easy as that. Which is a good existential conundrum showing that the rules you believe in, the securirty you believe you have, the structures in place are not as solid as you think they are. The foundation can crumble at any moment, and you are not a significant loss, because you are not a person to them in the first place. 

Gogol is someone who wants to be free to the point of radicalism. He deliberately disrupts the status quo, not just for his enemies but even the people he’s manipulating. He leaves the corrupt government agent alive because he does not want him to die until he realizes that he never wanted his seat in society, his power, his role in society in the first place. 

“As I grew up, I opened my eyes and saw the real world and I began to laugh and I haven’t stopped since. I saw that the meaning of life was to get a livelihood, that the goal of life was to be a high court judge, that the brighest joy of life was to marry a well off girl. That wisdom was what the majority said it was, that passion was to give a speech, that courage was to risk being fined ten dollar, that cordiality was to say ‘you’re welcome’ after a meal. And that the fear  of god was to go to communion once a year. That’s what I saw, and I laughed.” - Soren Kierkegaard. 

If Akaky is the joke, then Gogol is so determined not to become a joke that he becomes the clown instead and makes others the joke. That society for him is not something that people live in as themselves, but rather repress themselves so they can mindlessly repeat society better. 

2. The Only Philosophical Question is Suicide

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”  - Soren Kierkegaard

Then, what is the center of Gogol’s philosophy? If he sees society as something inherently meaningless that he longs to be free from, if the values of others are just empty ideas to him, if he acnkowledges that every role others might assume, everything they think is important is not, everything they want to hold onto forever was never theirs in the first place: If it is all meaningless to him one way or the other then why are Gogol’s ideals so strong he would die for them in the first place? 

Gogol is someone who tightly controls information. He makes others play guessing games so they can think for themselves. His goal is to make others fall from their roles, and to make them regret the roles they assigned to themselves in the first place. Once again though, this is an objective, this is a goal, there is motivation behind his actions. He acts like everything is meaningless to him, that he is flippant to the world’s woes, and yet he is sharply making these critiques and satires of the society around them with a purpose. That in itself is the central question of his character. His philosophy as confusing and contradictory as it is, is easy to understand once you unravel the central question of his character. 

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide... Judging whether life is or is not worth living. That is the fundamental question of philosophy.” Albert Camus, Myth of Sisyphus

Everything is a choice, and the first choice everyone makes is whether or not to kill themselves. Camus judged existence to be one that is entirely meaningless,  but rather than that negating the meaning of choice rather it makes choices matter more as they define who you are. A life that has no inherent meaning is therefore, defined by the actions it entails. 

“If the universe is meaningless, so is the statement that it is so… The meaning and purpose of dancing is the dance.” 

Therefore a lack of meaning, of outside validation, ironically gives people more freedom to dictate their own meaning. 

If the fundamental question of all philosophy is whether or not one should commit suicide, then what Gogol aims for himself is radical freedom. 

Sartre's notion of 'radical freedom' said that everyone always has a choice, and every act is a free act. When people say they have 'no choice' but to do something, they are lying to themselves.  

“We are left alone, without excuse. This is what I mean when I say that man is condemned to be free” (Sartre). 

Sartre’s view of the world is that everyone, everyone, is utterly free. Existence precedes essence. Human beings first come into existence, then they determine their own essence by the choices they make. 

There is no essence to any thing that exists.  There is no pre-existent essence that makes a thing what it is.  There is no essence to a human being that preexists the human and makes a human what that human is.  There is no essence to being a male or a female.  There are no predetermined roles.  NOTHING is predetermined.  There is NO fate or destiny.  Humans make themselves what they are.  Humans choose to believe what they do about themselves.  Humans choose to believe in something called a human nature.  But humans make that nature what it is by choosing to be what they are.  There is no God that predetermines what humans are and even if there is a God, God made humans free to determine their own natures.  Humans are freedom.  I am what I choose.

Therefore if everything is free, then everything is a choice which you bear responsibility for. The cost of Sartre’s absolute freedom m of realizing our own freedom is Angoisse, or the anguish of existence. Everything is terrifyingly possible because humans are just making it up as they go along, and are free to toss aside their shackles at any time.

Because suicide is a choice, that means that choosing to live is also a continued choice that people make. If a gun is put to your head, you are still responsible for your actions, because the choice to die was still a choice available to you. It is something that emphasizes an incredibly harsh respsonsibility on the ideal of freedom, as people are no longer able to blame outside their circumstances for their own choices, it is at the same time liberating but heavy. This is the same philosophy which Gogol holds. 

This idea of freedom is reflected in Gogol’s ability as well, it’s one that allows him to tranvserse space with almost absolute freedom. He can move things around at his will, as even dimmensions bend to his choices. 

During their fight, Atsushi assigns him the predetermined role of a villain. As if he was a character cast in a play, rather than a real person.  Atsushi himself like a striped tiger, sees things in blakc and white, often loses control of himself and blames the tiger rather than his own free will and emotions when his ability went crazy and lashed out. He is in a way the opposite of Gogol, someone who rties to chain himself down because it gives him a purpose, rather than soemone who liberates himself. Atsushi clings onto his past pain, his obligation to save others even to harm himself, and repeats those actions without analyzing their true meaning or even taking full responsibility for them. 

Gogol then plays to Atsushi’s expectations of the world. His black and white, regimented story roles. In Atsushi’s mind people can only cause hurt to other people, because they’re bad people who feel nothing. He has a hard time grasping complexity, because he himself does not want to take responsibility for his negative emotions, his resentment, his anger, so he completely fails to see it in other people.

Gogol confronts Atsushi with the reality that society is not rational and acceptable to him, but rather it is fundamentally irrational and something unacceptable. 

Gogol kills people, he acts as a terrorist, but his pursuit of freedom is the real deal. For Gogol, complete freedom also means the freedom to lose others, the freedom to hurt other people, the freedom to live also means the freedom to die. He accepts the anguish of existence, and the responsbility of all of his choices because to him that is what it means to be free. 

He does not take orders, he chooses to cooperate with Fyodor fully as an equal, because if he took orders he would no longer be responsible for his own essence, and no longer free. He does bad things of his own free will and does not attempt to hide from the guilt, and instead frees it and takes responsibility for the kind of person he is because that is what it emans to be radically free. 

He is someone completely honest with himself, because decieving himself, or lying, is something that would once again make him untrue to his own essence which he wishes to set out to define. 

Which is why Gogol is honest to Atsushi, but also tells him not to listen to the words of a clown too seriously. Because what GOgol says is a heavy revelation. The extreme freedom he exists for is almost too much of a burden, because it means accountability in every single one of your actions in every single circumstance. 

Atsushi can choose to live free of the stories of good and evil he thinks is meaningful, or he could continue to live bound to those stories trying to seek out meaning in them. If Atsushi let go of what other people told was meaningful, than Atsushi would have to define it for himself, which is hard for someone so desperate in validation from others they are almost entirely lacking in a sense of self. It would mean him acknowledging that the validation they constantly risk their life to seek means absolutely nothing. 

He might be happier not having that revelation, to think there is still value to his pointless struggles. Camus argues that after the revelation of an empty life, our search for meaning and happiness is a moral obligation, even though in the end it is as futile as siyphus pushing a boulder up a stone. It’s labor for labor’s purpose that will amount to nothing in the end. Existence is a search for meaning in Camus’ view. A search we must undertake even though we are certain there will be no reward. 

Gogol’s ultimate trick is to switch the roles that the detective agency thought were so fixed in place. They were the heroes one moment, and the villains the next, because the meaning and security they thought they had never existed in the first place. 

He sets them adrift from meaning the same way that he is. He frees them from obligation of protecting others, and makes them have to survive for themselves. He presents them with the same moral dilemna that he awakened to. 

Are the armed detective agency the good guys because they want to be? Or are they obligated? The same way Atsushi believes he is obligated to save others because he believes it is the only thing that will give his life worth. The detective agnecy are in a trap they 100% could have avoided if they simply made the choice for themselves to avoided it instead of acting out of thoughtless obligation. 

There is one truly seriously philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Gogol appears as a careless clown, but he is actually the most responsible character in the story. He lives with his choices, and then dies with them as well to live a life perfectly defined by his own choices, himself. His death therefore, awakens the characters to the fact that they are also responsible for their own choices. 

Excerpts from Rachel Cusk’s Outline

“It was this eccentricity that had made me answer him. The unexpected sometimes looks like a prompting of fate.” “He began to ask me questions, as though he had learned to remind himself to do so, and I wondered what or who had taught him that lesson, which many people never learn.” “They were both still young enough to believe that this principle of growth was exponential; that life was only expansive, and broke the successive vessels in which you tried to contain it in its need to expand more.” “For a few weeks he lived in a state of pure illusion which was really numbness, like the numbness that follows an injury, before pain starts to make its way through it.” “Life had responded willingly to them, had treated them abundantly, and this -- he now saw -- was what had given him the confidence to break it all, break it with what now seemed to him to be an extraordinary casualness, because he thought there would be more.” “The memory of suffering had no effect whatever on what they elected to do: on the contrary, it compelled them to repeat it, for the suffering was the magic that caused the object to come back and allowed the deligh in dropping it to become possible again.” “What I knew personally to be true had come to seem unrelated to the process of persuading others. I did not, any longer, want to persuade anyone of anything.” “It was with her, after all, that his identity had been forged: if she no longer recognised him, then who was he?” “And all the time he sees at a distance his home - his wife - standing there, essentially unchanged, but belonging to other people now.” “Love restored almost everything, and where it can’t restore, it takes away the pain.” “It’s a case of home is where when you have to go there they have to take you in.” “What Ryan had learned from this is that your failures keep returning to you, while your successes are something you always have to convince yourself of.” “You build a whole structure on a period of intensity that’s never repeated. It’s the basis of your faith and sometimes you doubt it, but you never renounce it because too much of your life stands on that ground.” “No matter how busy you are, no matter how many kids and commitments you have, if there’s a passion you find the time.” “I said I didn’t believe people could change so completely, could evolve an unrecognizable morality; it was merely that that part of themselves had lain dormant, waiting to be evoked by circumstance.” “But what other people thought was no longer of any help to me. Those thoughts only existed within certain structures, and I had definitively left those structures.” “He didn’t once glance back at me, for people are at their least aware of others when demonstrating their own power over them.” “Those people were living in their moment, and though I could see it I could no more return to that moment than I could walk across the water that separated us. And of those two ways of living - living in the moment and living outside it - which was the more real?” “Sometimes it has seemed to me that life is a series of punishments for such moments of unawareness, that one forges one’s own destiny by what one doesn’t notice or feel compassion for; that what you don’t know and don’t make the effort to understand will become the very thing you are forced into knowledge of.” “... but this sense of life as a progression is something I want no more of. In his marriage, he now realized, the principle of progress was always at work, in the acquiring of houses, possessions, cars, the drive towards higher social status, more travel, a wider circle of friends, even the production of children felt lik an obligatory calling-point on the mad journey...” “...because it made me see my books not as just entertainments for the middle classes but as something vital, a lifeline in many cases, for people - largely women, it has to be admitted - who feel very much alone in their daily lives.” “I replied that I wasn’t sure it was possible, in marriage, to know what you actually were, or indeed to separate what you were from what you had become through the other person.” “For some women, she said, it would be the realization of their greatest fear, to discover that they were not needed, but for her it had the opposite effect.” “... such a woman is nothing but a parasite, a parasite on her husband, a parasite on her child.” “Perhaps it was because I had begun to see the virtues of standing still.” “... her daughter had said that she didn’t see why it was necessary that men exist... but the plain truth was that she would never have left the children the way their father had... she herself simply wouldn’t have been capable of it, and whether that difference was a biological fact or merely a consequence of conditioning, it still had to be accounted for.” “At that I had to laugh: the idea of me, of all people, nurturing an undue respect for male authority!” “All she wishes is for her life to be integrated, to be one thing, rather than an eternal series of oppositions that confound her whichever way she looks.” “... she recognized the piece as the D minor fugue from Bach’s French Suites, a piece she had always loved and that caused her, hearing it so unexpectedly, to feel there on the pavement the most extraordinary sense of loss. It was as though the music had once belonged to her and now no longer did; as though she had been excluded from its beauty, was being forced to see it in the possession of someone else, and to revisit in its entirety of her own sadness at her inability, for a number of reasons, to remain in that world.” “Music is a betrayer of secrets; it is more treacherous even than dreams, which at least have the virtue of being private.” “If anything, he saw such outwards extremes as the symbols of a correspondingly great inner emptiness, a futility that he believed came from the lack of engagement with any meaningful system of belief.” “It is interesting how keen people are for you to do something they would never dream of doing themselves, how enthusiastically they drive you to your own destruction: even the kindest ones, the ones that are more loving, can rarely have your interests truly at heart, because usually they are advising you from within lives of greater security and greater confinement...” “.... on the contrary, I had come to believe more and more in the virtues of passivity, and of living a life as unmarked by self-will as possible.” “If a man had a nasty side to his character, she wanted to get to it immedkately and confront it. She didn’t want it roaming unseen in the hinterland of the relationship: she wanted to provoke it, to draw it forth, lest it strike her when her back was turned.” “I want to know the content without living through the time span.” “... why bother to speak at all? Why say anything, if you can just take it back the next minute?” “... the disgust taht exists indelibly between man and women...” “Looking back, those were some of the best times of her life, though at the time they had had the feeling of a prelude, a period of waiting, as though for the real drama of living to being.” “... the barrier of language was, ultimately, impassable.” “Her links to the life before him had been completely severed - that person no longer existed, and so when the incident occurred it had been two kinds of crisis, one of which was a crisis of identity... she was like someone who had forgotten their native language, an idea that likewise has always fascinated her. She found, after the incident, that she lacked what might be called a vocabulary, a native language of self.” “... the point was this, that he lived a life ruled by discipline, where hers was governed by emotion.”

I dunno if you're taking asks rn, but if so, witch of rage analysis please?

The Wwitch of Rage? Hellz yeah!! Requests are closed at time of wwritin, 8ut they wwere open wwhen you sent this, so here wwe go!

Title: Witch of Rage

Title Breakdown: One who actively manipulates [transforms, mutates, bends the rules of, pushes the limits of] Rage [disbelief, negative emotion, skepticism, defiance, and of course, metanarrative shenanigans]

Role in the Session: The Witch of Rage is the ultimate iconoclast and rule-breaker, casting aside conventions as though they were never there to begin with. Therefore, the Role they’re meant to play is somewhat ambiguous, as they’ll likely stand in defiance to the concept of playing a Role at all. They’ll likely be tempted to abuse their powers; this is the case for all Witches, but the Witch of Rage in particular will have access to a font of negative emotion, of literal rage, that could amplify this temptation significantly. Their influence over these domains parallels the influence of these domains over them, which could lead to initial difficulties between the Witch and their team.

However, this is not to say that a Witch of Rage would necessarily be a negative factor in the session’s overall narrative. Indeed, they’re the sort of player that could easily get a team out of a seemingly inescapable situation, allowing their teammates’ Rage and desire to get away to manifest physically, perhaps even as a being independent of its host. As a corollary to Hope’s association with (religious) ecstasy, Rage can have associations with sobriety, clarity, and grimness – not the sort of intellectual or perceptual clarity brought on by Light, but a pessimistic emotional clarity that suggests that one’s course of action, however mad it seems, is a necessity. The Witch will be able to follow through on lines of inquiry that other members of the team may deem unpalatable. However, this same clarity of purpose can incline the Witch towards overcommitting to certain dangerous courses of action; like other highly Active players (Lords, Thieves, and Princes), Witches struggle with the risk of pushing their Aspect past its limits and succumbing to hubris in light of their newfound power.

The healthiest path forward for a Witch of Rage is probably to embrace their role as a fixer, a clearer of obstacles – one who transforms adversity into advantage. Their Quest may be set on a particularly brutal, harsh, or unfamiliar Planet, and they will have to progress by turning each set of dangerous and uncertain circumstances into a tool to advance to the next area, and the next set of challenges. They likely won’t find the decision to Ascend difficult, should they reach that point – a Witch of Rage would be well aware of the necessity of sacrifice, even loss of life, for a greater good (for whatever value of good they happen to be using, naturally). Their powers, which will almost certainly be somewhat destructive in nature, would be well-complemented by those of a Maid or Sylph of Space, who could assist in creating anew in the wake of the Witch’s destruction. A Seer of Life could have an interesting, albeit complex, relationship with the Witch as an advisor, guiding the explosions of energy they create through the systems they inhabit in a more transformative and less blindly devastating.

Opposite Role: The Seer of Hope. The Seer of Hope is one who learns of, interprets, and ultimately teaches their interpretation of faith, positive emotion, and suspension of disbelief. Which is to say, the Witch of Rage throws a spanner in their whole deal, then does it again out of spite. Everything that the Witch does is likely to somehow bother the Seer, who prefers positivity and comprehensibility to the sort of borderline-nihilistic madness which the Witch deals in. While they’re unlikely to be hateful people, the Seer certainly isn’t going to like the Witch, and the Witch certainly isn’t going to care about whether or not they’re liked. They’re likely to clash more and more as their affinities with their respective Aspects deepen.

God Tier Powers

Rage is the Expansive-Explosive-Personal Aspect; domains associated with it include demons, explosions, carnivals, chaos, et al. The Witch is the Active Manipulation Class, whose powers tend to involve altering the nature or manifest characteristics of their Aspect, and in combination with the Aspect of Rage, the manipulation involved will specifically have to do with the expansion or (often violent) of personal identity and experience into the outside world. Here are a few ideas as to how that might happen…

Make My Demons Come to Life: The Witch allows the “negative emotional auras” of everyone nearby, themselves included, to physically manifest as semi-tangible psychokinetically projected demons, under the Witch’s control. The form these demons take depends on the particular character of the emotions from whence they were drawn, and their size, strength, and ability to affect change in the material world wax and wane in tandem with those emotions. This ability can have a self-fueling effect, whereby the fear and rage provoked by the demons actually strengthens them; one’s best hope of destroying them is to face them with calm and stoicism, which may prove to be a difficult task.

Shaped Charge: The Witch of Rage is capable of manipulating explosions, conflagrations, and electric surges with extraordinary efficiency. This has several applications, beyond just making things blow up more (although that remains, as ever, a viable option). For one thing, this will allow the Witch a functional immunity to flames and blasts, as they can just reshape the flow of energy around themselves. Additionally, they can manipulate the shape and direction of a blast wave so as to destabilize a structure without totally obliterating it, or to destroy one small part of a machine with great precision.

Command Control: Rage players at the height of their power have been known to have the capacity to influence events on a metanarrative level, which is pretty damn weird, and Witches are pretty much the masters of weirdness. An Ascended Witch of Rage could well simply refuse to comply with an adverse narrative development. How this would manifest would vary widely based on the particular Witch and the context in which they’re using this power, but, for example, it might involve simply refusing to let a co-player die if they think that they’re being killed off for the convenience of the writer rather than for the good of the story. Extremely broken, use with caution, &c.&c..

Personality: Witches tend to be big personalities, if somewhat strange and/or scattered, and they’re easily excitable, idiosyncratic, and inclined towards rebellion and trend-bucking. Rage players are aggressive and also paradoxically cynical and passionate at once, believing in very little but having firm convictions about what they don’t believe. I think a Witch of Rage might be the sort of person who actively doubts things most people consider to be consensus reality – maybe not to the degree of, say, Flat-Earther-ism, but then again, maybe so. They might identify as an “optimistic nihilist” or something along those lines, and would probably be the type to blur the lines of, and indiscriminately play with, irony and “meta” commentary. I’d rank them pretty high on the “most likely to break the 4th wall” list, also. The greatest obstacle to their development as a person and as a player might be their excessive playfulness and envelope-pushing, and their serious lack of emotional stability, but these things could also contribute greatly to their resiliency. Like any coping mechanism, a balance must be struck here between what allows you to thrive despite adversity, and what keeps you alive at the cost of personal growth.

Songs

New Chevrolet In Flames by the Mountain Goats

The Five of Us Are Dying by My Chemical Romance

Nightlife by Green Day (lol)

I hope you found this analysis entertaining and/or informativve, anon!! Thanks for the ask ^^^^v^^^^

Evisceration Promenade

In quarantine, my creative process is an evisceration promenade: a public stroll without my organs and a quest for intimacy in isolation. Now, reader mine, I confess, there is a bit of a contradictory process going on here. I want to create intimacy in isolation, through the screen or in writing, but I also am insistent on becoming a stranger to myself in isolation. I am developing oscillation rituals between familiar and alien. 

Some days quarantine melts my center, some days it hardens. Some days I am puppet, some days puppeteer. When the world is reduced to one place, I find I do not stay in place. I hardly stay in space anymore, or at least I try my very best not to. I’ve long since reached the end of my drug phase, so I have to be much more intentional about finding methods of escape or adrenaline rites to enact when necessary or desperate. Drinking is a flawed strategy, I always end up drunk too early in the night because the winter took my 8pm and made it 4pm. Time is screwing with me so I screw with it back. We are not on the best of terms, you might say. 

My housing companions are keeping me alive and I lean on them like extra legs. Sometimes I feel wet, sticky fire on my skin and all my internal organs ache, longing to vomit, because my loved ones make me so anxious and angry, and everything is too tight and too loud, including the crowd of people I share a bedroom and a brain with. Sometimes I drown out the nervous voices of my brain family with the words of vindictive Artaud, or the sorceress Anzaldua, or the mid-bender brunch mood of Deleuze and Guattari. They all scratch a particular itch and it helps sometimes, but other times they can make me feel much worse, confronted with the peaks and valleys of creativity.

I have had to expand my subjectivity and proliferate it, to endure isolation. And no, this did not become an antidote to boredom or loneliness, I just met new selves who dwell in such states. We tolerate one another. We cohabitate in modes of peculiar familiarity. Sometimes I am eager to neglect and abandon certain selves. Their vengeance, though often frightful, is something to look forward to. Most events are. Any motion is interesting at the very least, if not entertaining, revelatory, or disastrous. 

The existential planes of thought and feeling are as bold as the walls of my room. Nothing is ever as simple as these walls and their promise to contain. It is a deceptive offering; they can hardly keep me within and I can hardly even see them anymore, even though I keep covering them with bright art to counteract winter. And what occurs amid the shifting, false walls is performance; a special quarantine theater which I’ve named the Evisceration Promenade.

The Evisceration Promenade is a stubborn habit, documented delicately in writing and video. Evisceration Promenade is a mode of embodiment that functions at the degree of intensity where it becomes an objectification, a mechanism for receiving cosmic impulse. I find that it is a matter of befriending my organs, not transcending my body, for this can be dangerous and distracting. Activities that are almost transcendent but too inadequate and incomplete to achieve such an eventful climax, are those that simultaneously chisel and broaden consciousness. 

Reader, please know, I do not gain consciousness by departing from my body, nor do you by departing from yours. Instead, I connect to all that I am not, by honoring my capacity to confront such forces; honoring the impossibility of being eternal; and surrendering to becoming. Becoming is necessarily a process that occurs in in-between space, in oscillation, and in proximity to limits. When I befriend my organs, they become receptors of divine messages and the impulses they receive channel into my voice, a chorus of the cries of organs. 

Performance— a deceptively public art— is a mechanism for survival in isolation. The promenade claims movement as its imperative and evisceration refers to the drawing out of sputtering organs to brave the light and the air for the first time ever. When enacted together, these two gestures or rituals (a public stroll without organs) achieve a special embodied objectification (a result of outside gaze + relation to the organs as external friends). This particular embodied objectification allows one to name and redirect shadows, as Artaud suggests, a critical survival strategy when you’re stuck in a house with your own madness as your only companion. Organs inside the body never experience light. Once removed, they make shadows, like growths that collaborate with sun.  My partner put it rather eloquently in a text message on the matter, “Evisceration is to make painfully public the private… the sudden act of isolating a piece from itself… isolation is then, the reverberation of the first torn intensity.”

The circumstance under which I create performance requires simultaneous and contradictory impossibilities. I eviscerate: I have no organs because I am an object in relation to other objects, including the relation between self and the Body Without Organs. I promenade: I move through an externalized public because I observe and document assemblages and their components. My organs are my audience; my nerve-juice, joints, bones, tissue and blood are my friends and do not belong to me. If I held myself superior to them, I’d be trapped in subjective interiority that cannot be sustained while also trapped in a house.

Antonin Artaud states that theater exists only in the moment where impossibility begins to occur. In the pandemic, theater as it was known to me, became impossible: assembling crowds is impossible, standing closer than six feet to people is impossible, conversing with uncovered faces is impossible. Therefore, the theater that I am interested in, quarantine theater, began at the moment when the art form was banished to the untouched margins of possibility, where I await to meet it for the first time. 

Truthfully, I feel as though I am making theater for the first time, which may come as a surprise to you. In quarantine, I must conjure an audience myself and weave it into my compositions, which requires great, reckless fortitude of the imagination. I must also conjure stakes high enough to put me in “danger,” for the actor experiences true affects in imagined situations. To believe that I am in enough danger to require enormous risk, while trusting I am safe enough to take them, I must ritualize entering into and parting from states of fight or flight. Deleuze and Guattari might refer to this as injecting doses of caution, the key strategy to interacting with the Body Without Organs. The BWO is a force that produces desire as it resists organization and the functional conformity of an organism. “The BWO howls: They’ve made me an organism! They’ve wrongfully folded me! They’ve stolen my body!” It is a body with no belonging or form, one that acts upon its violent desire for formlessness and “expresses the pure determination of intensity, intensive difference.” The disorganized body is encountered in pursuit of a dismantled self. It is dangerous. Deleuze and Guattari prescribe “injections of caution,” for the “human body is scandalously insufficient” so if handled thoughtlessly, the BWO can override the organism and destroy it.  

Reader, my dearest, I have known it all along. Artaud knew it too. Impossibility and insufficiency are tools of the theater. Artaud opens his book The Theater and its Double with an essay called “The Theater and the Plague.” Timely, I think. The text pursues similarities between the bubonic plague and performance. Both pose disasters that must either be settled in death, or satiated by some remedy. He describes the agonized social psyche of the plagued era: the invasive imagery of dead people in heaps, loved ones blistered and passing one by one, the dreaded familiarity of various moans and groans that spurn or welcome death, the false privilege of escape into seclusion, the fear of dropping dead unexpectedly like the neighbor did yesterday. 

Today, our plague kills millions, with a particularly brutal fondness for the most vulnerable people, abused by power structures and neglected by those privileged with resources. Many people rightfully fear this plague, and many others act as though it does not exist. Outside the house there is life-or-death risk bursting from the orifices of strangers and all they touch. Inside the house too, there is the risk of ever-approaching psychosis or of suicide. 

Artaud writes, “The state of the victim who dies without material destruction, with all the stigmata of an absolute and almost abstract disease upon him, is identical with the state of an actor entirely penetrated by feelings that do not benefit or even relate to his real condition.” My favorite challenge of quarantine theater is that of enacting impossibility, rather than representing it. 

In a paper about Tadeusz Kantor, Heidi Gilpin writes that such a challenge is precisely the function of theater. Theater manifests contradictions and utilizes them as affective materials that serve a sort of collective surrender to the ambivalent insistence of “life’s appetite,” which Artaud defends as a characteristic of the inherent evil of the universe. 

Kantor’s work is centered around the bold, sneaky ties between performance and death. The importance of representing death in theater is reinforced by the fact that it cannot be represented. But when an audience does experience a spectacle of disappearance and enactments of death, they are confronted with the inadequacy of representation, and furthermore must reimagine their personal relationships with possibility.  Since theater happens when impossibility begins, Kantor raises the necessity to witness death. It is the same necessity which I encounter more and more frequently: that which Artaud names as cruelty, and that which I outline as the shifting distinction between speaking the unspoken and raising the unsayable. 

Theater has a very important task in the face of impossibility and the unsayable. It can be accessed through the enactment of incompleteness, or insufficiency, in addition to repetition. Gilpin offers examples of repetition from psychoanalysis that function similarly to the repeated experience of witnessing disappearance in theater, which makes possible the impossible through self-referential, partial enunciation of that which is absent. 

Repetition is a consequence of failure. It is an action performed from the desire to control past events, to overcome failure, but true repetition is impossible. In performance, the tight activity of repetition and its oscillating manipulation of memory, which eventually licks open scar tissue, fulfills the desire of the audience to view becoming. This particular form of becoming faces Artaud’s cruelly, or necessity of life. Gilpin names it as “a desire to witness survival mechanisms at work.”

The desire to witness trauma reenacted and inadequately confronted, is connected to the spiritual inclination of theater to raise the unsayable. It is a measured injection of release toward the vast hazard-loaded landscape of the BWO. Artaud, in his section about the plague, elaborates upon my reflection, “... the action of the plague that kills without destroying the organs and the theater which, without killing, provokes the most mysterious alterations in the mind of not only an individual but an entire populace.” 

Quarantine theater is Artaud’s theater that dispels evil. It is not made to rouse chaos, but to redirect it; “naming and directing shadows,”  to reduce the frequency of mind spirals, sinking nihilism, claustrophobic grief, and other apocalypse-imposed madnesses. I have spent recent months inquiring about theater as a mechanism for survival. My writing honors performance as a source of life in isolation. It works as medicine, it is a worthy spine to wear through ambient collapse. During Evisceration Promenade, many things that had never known light before have now grown shadows; their gestures are unrecognizable and complex. 

The other day, one quarantine roommate took it upon themselves to reflect back to me some observations they made about my behavior when I am creating during quarantine. I am glad they shared their study with me, for it delighted me greatly. They described the way I move erratically through the house, often bursting into rooms where people are consumed in quiet activities and I announce: THAT I AM HAVING AN EXPERIENCE, AN ARTISTIC BREAKTHROUGH, MAKING UNPRECEDENTED THEORETICAL COMPOSITIONS, FALLING INTO UNCANNY FRIENDSHIPS WITH THIS AND THAT WRITER. Or, on unfortunate occasions: A DREADFUL, INSURMOUNTABLE CREATIVE BLOCK AND IMMENSELY SPECTACULAR DESPAIR IN REGARDS TO MY WORTHLESSNESS AS AN ARTIST, STUDENT, AND PERSON. My roommate giggled as they told me all of this, and I cackled relief, in awe of the accuracy. They carried on, describing the daily inconsistencies and the conspicuous cloud of mood I invariably don. And I carry on too, careful not to lean too far into the trope of tormented genius, but parading my guts around my ever-shifting house as the  fantastical, untethered prodigy that quarantine has taught me to be. 

References

Artaud, Antonin. The Theater and its Double, Trans. Victor Corti. London: Alma Classics, 2010.

Deleuze, Gilles and Félix Guattari. A Thousand Plateaus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia, vol. 2. Translated by Brian Massumi. Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 1987.

Gilpin, Heidi. “Lifelessness in Movement, or How Do the Dead Move? Tracing Displacement and Disappearance for Movement Performance,” in Corporealities, ed. Susan Foster (New York/London: Routledge Press, 1996), 106-128.

Uranus Enters Taurus // A Shock for The Books // March 6th, 2019

Blessings star fam! Long time no forecast from the Hef, here at H.H! 

 I hope all of you reading have missed my reports as much as I've missed writing them for the shop! This article doesn't mean the shop is back open just yet, as that will officially take place sometime around May 15th (if not sooner). I've got some interesting ventures in the works, so be on the look out for posts as we lead up to re-opening again in May! I had, HAD, to write this article for Uranus's entrance into Taurus!

In the year 2019, few astrological shifts can compare to the move of electric Uranus into the rich soils of Taurus. 

There are a couple of other astrological influences which will effect the landing as we head into this unexplored terrain. Mercury will station retrograde at 29º Pisces at 1.20pm EST on March 5th, the day prior to Uranus's entry into Taurus, and there will also be a New Moon in Pisces at 15º. It's important to note, all of this Pisces energy will likely add a touch of surreal, and a dream like fog over everything. On the one hand the retrograde of Mercury will have you rethinking your plans, and probably feeling like going inward no matter how much change is happening outside of your cerebral fantasy world. If Uranus shifting into Taurus hits you heavy in the first few days, this Mercury shift may be the cherry on top of a horrible situation. Mercury Retrograde is notorious for being a thorn in one's side, causing chaos, playing pranks, tricking us, and having a laugh. Take extra time in planning any travel now, and DO NOT BUY ANY NEW ELECTRONICS until at least March 28th. Often when we make commitments to new things, plans, contracts, ideas, or work, we end up having to come back and re-do it when it's done during a Mercury Retrograde. Better to save yourself the trouble before hand. Those born with Natal Mercury Retrograde in their birth charts however, will see progress in communication, talking more about their dreams, being in the right place at the right time, ect.

The New Moon on the other hand could have you feeling a MAJOR re-birth on the horizon. If you have significant Taurus, or Pisces placements, are a fixed zodiac sign (Taurus, Leo, Aquarius, Scorpio), are the adventurous type, or you just feel done with everything you've been doing for awhile, NOW is the time to act, to change your life in significant ways! Regardless of the Mercury Retrograde, it might be worth a re-do if it meant you could come out of it all with a re-newed since of livelihood, love of life, and perspective. New Moons are always a time of new beginnings, planting seeds, and new ideas! We may feel bombarded with many new ideas, and way's of seeing even the mundane suddenly, that we are confused about which option to pursue. You may have so many ideas you can't remember, so it may be best to keep around a small journal to jot them down before they dissolve. Remember that every great thing you ever saw, and every experience you ever enjoyed, was once a dream, or an idea. Keep the faith, and have patience as you plant these seeds!

Back to Uranus's Entry into Taurus... this will effect us all, not only on an individual level, but on a planetary level. Ruled by Venus, the perpetrator of beauty, and love, Taurus can be slow, but steady, in smelling the roses. Taurus is the ruler of the 2nd House. This means Taurus effects everything we value, our possessions, money, all things material, expenses, desires, career, and our food. Taurus is known for effecting the Earth, or in a Natal Chart, one's relationship with grounding. Uranus is the planet which effects all things electric, and our technology. Uranus boasts themes of revolution, liberation, freedom, shocks, surprises, the unpredictable, the eccentric, change, innovation, the future, science, chaos, and humanity as a whole.

Put these two together, and what'daya get? Take the information above and apply it to the house Uranus will be visiting for a better picture of the kind of unexpected shocks, surprises, and jolts that will begin to become prevalent in your life. Look below for your Sun Sign for more information! Or message the shop for a Natal Chart Reading specifically for this transit, and how it will effect you over the next 7 years!

Aries (March 21 – April 19) 

 Uranus will enter your 2nd House 

The themes that will come up involve your values, your possessions, money, the price you pay, the price you ask, all things material, expenses, desires, career, your neck, and throat, what is yours, how secure you are, how stable you are, your physical world, what brings you pleasure, self-worth, things that bring you comfort, working on coming out of your comfort zone, or creating one, your resources, your personal talents, promises, getting a grip, defense/ammunition, and your personal strength, examining your relationship with the natural world (nature), lack of/working on - themes of patience, practicality, finding something to reach for, reliability, solidity, interest/attention- to art and music.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Citrine- Natural Citrine is a premier stone of manifestation, imagination, and personal will. Carrying the power of the sun, it is warm and comforting, energizing and life giving. It stimulates the chakras like the sunlight of spring, clearing the mind and stirring the soul to action. Called The Merchant's Stone for its properties of increase in the cashbox, sparkling yellow Citrine not only assists in acquiring wealth, but helps in maintaining it. It is a stone of abundance and manifestation, attracting wealth and prosperity, success and all things good. It also encourages generosity and sharing good fortune. Citrine assists in all fast money ventures, and is especially helpful in financial speculation and for commercial success. Carry one in the purse or wallet to attract money and stop excessive outflow.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20) 

Uranus will enter your 1st House 

The themes that will come up involve your personality, appearance, ego, early childhood memories, who you are becoming and will become, both internally and externally, your personality and presentation to the world, your essential qualities, approach to life, demeanor and basic sensibilities, the head, the face, your existence, the self, finding your individuality, self-pride, and identity, examining aggression in yourself/others, working on impatience, learning to assert yourself differently, learning to lead/asking who is the leader, examining your competitive side, becoming more outspoken, examining the energy you have/what you give it to, taking more risks, and going on more adventures, time lines speeding up (sometimes out of your comfort zone).

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Blue Calcite - can aid you in accepting yourself, even your imperfections. The light blue rays are excellent for recovery efforts from addiction or destructive behavior patterns. They aid in curbing tempers and helping us become more tranquil and composed. Their rays are potent and they can aid us in changing our lives to become more optimistic and confident. They are also helpful in dealing with grief, letting go of the past, and easing feelings of guilt.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) 

Uranus will enter your 12th House 

The themes that will come up involve your subconscious mind/thoughts, hidden enemies, the unconscious, your self-undoings, imprisonment, hidden psychological problems, your weaknesses, your karma, past lives/future lives, your dreams, your sleeping patterns, psychic phenomena, clairvoyance, paranormal activities, unconscious abilities, self-sacrifice and suffering, secret charity, behind the scenes activities, illegal jobs, illegal affairs, confidential documents, secrets, all large animals, monasteries, asylums, hospitals, prisons, rehabilitation centers and every institution that imposes limitations, the feet, toes, and lymphatic system, working on becoming more adaptable, compassion, working through confusion/becoming more confused then usual, examining your own escapist tendencies, and those of other around you, taking time for reflection/meditation/yoga more often, shyness, intuition, sympathy, and the meaning of unconditional love.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Blue Apatite- can be used as a dream stone to access the subconscious for creative problem solving, as well as for exploring other lives and karmic patterns.It is a particularly strong stone to use in past-life or alternate-life work, because of its ability to access the energy levels where the Akashic records and an individual's soul patterns exist.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) 

Uranus will enter your 11th House 

 The themes that will come up involve your friends, groups, how you interact with organized patterns of people, and how you blend into collective structures, memberships, learning more about your own individual uniqueness, experiencing freedom, liberation, and revolution or feeling a lack of these things, forming more of your own opinions, learning to be more outspoken, examining the fairness/injustices in our society, the immediate results that come from your career, social status, Step-children and adopted children, humanitarian causes, donations and volunteering through financial aid, volunteering through work, hopes, dreams, and wishes, aid through connections, opening of gates or even economic support from strong friends, the calves, shins, and ankles, learning when to be attached to something/detachment, revolution, rebellion, humanity as a whole, science, technology, moments of genius, visions of the future/experiencing futuristic worlds/places, and free thinking. As these themes seem to contradict one another, you will ironically be examining the paradoxes that reside in our shared reality.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Lapis Lazuli- Beautiful blue lapis lazuli is excellent for improved communications between friends. This gemstone encourages honest, well-thought-out communication. It will make it easier to speak from the heart, with compassion and understanding. Lapis lazuli also has the ability to give you a deep self-awareness that can help you see where you might be able to improve in order to be a better friend.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

 Uranus will enter your 10th House 

The themes that will come up involve your career, how you appear in the eyes of your community, your public standing and rank in society, becoming an authority figure of some kind, occupation, your dream job, governmental institutes, your dominant parent, how you appear in the eyes of the people that surround you, your reputation, the opinion of those who observe you, how you will be remembered when you die, judgement, who has the power, how can you get the power, becoming a mentor for other people, guiding them with your influence, your legacy, and the karma you will leave behind, examining themes of impersonal determination to achieve (in yourself/others), your personal ambition, self-control, personal achievements, examining ways in which you may be narrow minded, and dealing with perceptions of narrow mindedness in others, authority figures of all kinds, organization, starting a business, or examining themes of business becoming prominent in your life, examining ways in which you have become callous/the perceived callousness of society, how you can provide for yourself, ways in which you/society are conservative/conventional, depression, discipline, hard work, the elderly in general/ideas of growing old, your personal societal status, way's in which you/society are miserly, traditions, things you've become a master at/working with masters of trade, and perceptions/concepts of "time".

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Black Tourmaline- Black Tourmaline is an excellent grounding crystal for meditation and healing, one of the very best protective stones, Black Tourmaline soothes panic attacks, especially those caused by dark or confined spaces, or in places where the atmosphere is frightening, blocks other people from throwing negative energy at you or attempting to harm your reputation, and will help ground you so that you can accomplish the business you need to get done.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

Uranus will enter your 9th House

The themes that will come up involve philosophy, higher Knowledge, expansion, whether it is knowledge, traveling or the spreading of ideas, abstract ways of thinking, luck, writing and publishing, teachers, professors, anything foreign to you, foreign culture, religion, language or social structure, import/export business, second spouse's, one's/someone's third child, grandchildren, in-law relatives, the law; advocates, jury and all people that work in the law department, religion, priests, gurus, spiritual people, perception of the Universe, God or gods, or even our denial of a higher existence, the meaning of your own existence, profound life-changing spiritual events, cults, the hips, thighs, and buttocks, what are your aspirations, how do you acquire knowledge, concepts about the transference of knowledge/facts/wisdom, examining your personal morals/having them tested, how strong is your personal optimism, talking to more people (especially those far away), playing practical jokes/having them played on you, examining preaching (what it is to you, how do you preach, ect.), expanding in size body wise, idea wise, or luck wise, finding a quest worth taking, examining how you are reckless, or where you could be more reckless, seeking something, finding humor in situations, being more spontaneous/having more spontaneous ideas, going back to college/taking up a new class, and finding ways to be more versatile.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Amethyst- Amethyst will increase your spiritual awareness and transmutes unhelpful energy into energy that is beneficial to you. It is a high vibe crystal that also calms and soothes, bringing about peace, love and happiness. Use amethyst to provide protection to your psychic energy and spiritual communication.

Libra (September 23 - October 22) 

 Uranus will enter your 8th House 

The themes that will come up involve birth, re-birth, death, deaths of other close people, near-death experiences, occupations connected with death such as undertaker and everything connected with the realm of the dead, other people's money, sex, taboos, inheritances (both material and spiritual), legacies, wills, the occult world, conscious magick, mysticism, the mysteries of life and existence, taxes, debt, loans, credit, spouse’s resources, "letting go" of things/people which no longer serve you, sacrifice for evolution, paying back of negative karma, compassion's, obsessions, jealousy, manipulation, hate and other feelings related to our shadow side, shadow work, and the genitals, examining your own emotional power, finding your true passions, and your personal depths, becoming more observant, who has control, how can you gain control, what role does control play in your everyday life, themes of possessiveness in yourself, or others, in what ways are you cruel, in what ways have you perceived cruelty in the world around you, your psychological health, what role psychological health plays in the world around you, destruction, you ability to destroy, ways in which you self destruct your life, your sensitivities, things becoming extreme, sudden fears of becoming too vulnerable, hiding your emotions in your shell, dealing with trauma, concerns about survival, suspicions, mystery's, and ultimately spiritually transformative experiences.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Sunstone- Sunstone provides a source of strength if you are dependent on others emotionally, or have suffered the sudden loss of a partner. It helps alleviate fearfulness and stress, and protects against those who drain your energies or finances. It is also an excellent crystal for phobia sufferers to ease fear of the dark, enclosed places, or the presence of other trigger. Use this to light your way through the depths of the 8th house!

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) 

 Uranus will enter your 7th House 

The themes that will come up involve your relationships and partnerships between you and other people, marriage, divorce, your partner, open enemies, your associates, close business partnerships, your grandparents on your mothers side, cooperation, agreements, things you do out in public, seeing yourself through another, concepts about relationships, what is right and fair, how should an individual be treated and what is justice between people, balance, fairness, harmony, allies, beauty, beauty standards/ideas, the kidneys, and lumbar region, ways in which you adjust to changes in your life, the overall aesthetic of your life, examining your personal attractions/what you're attracted to, concepts of peace, and how you can achieve it/teach others how to achieve it in their life, ways in which you are a people pleaser, people who people please you, and your over all expression of your actual desires, ways in which you aim to be a perfectionist, examining concepts of being polite/why we use manners, feeling torn between two opposing sides (as you can see reasons for both), feeling social/anti-social, examining ways you can create more harmony in your socialization, examining themes of superficiality, and what role it plays in your reality, examining themes of grace, and idealism.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Rose Quartz- The fair and lovely Rose Quartz, with its gentle pink essence, is a stone of the heart, a Crystal of Unconditional Love. It carries a soft feminine energy of compassion and peace, tenderness and healing, nourishment and comfort. It speaks directly to the Heart Chakra, dissolving emotional wounds, fears and resentments, and circulates a Divine loving energy throughout the entire aura. Reawakening the heart to its own innate love, it provides a deep sense of personal fulfillment and contentment, allowing one the capacity to truly give and receive unconditional love from others.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) 

 Uranus will enter your 6th House 

The themes that will come up involve your job and service, health and personal hygiene, pets, daily routines, and responsibilities, occupations, service towards others, others service towards you, diet habits, healing and self-healing, small animals, discipline, responsibility, effort, and patience, obligations, uncles and aunts, obsessive-compulsive behaviors and habits that do not change quickly through time, the work environment, co-workers, the abdomen, and digestive system, learning more ways to be adaptable, examining ways in which to be cleaner, neater, and more organized, becoming careful/examining ways in which you are too careful, trying to gain order in your life/dealing with complete chaos, examining the smaller details in situations, precision, practicality, purity, examining your personal faults, and the faults in those around you, becoming skeptical to things, how can you help/how can you be helped, examining the system in which you live/have created, examining your personal modesty/lack of modesty, humility, and themes of alchemy.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Amber- Yellow, brown, or red colored amber is believed by some to be a powerful gemstone with uses ranging from treating headaches and stress to promoting self-expression. It’s also said to promote cleansing and purification, which may help to bring illnesses out of the body and alleviate pain so that the wearer can heal.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) 

 Uranus will enter your 5th House 

The themes that will come up involve pleasure, love, entertainment, how you expresses yourself, your personal road towards happiness, fun, gaming, hobbies, athletic activities, recreational games, gambling, financial speculation, creativity, collecting objects, searching, hunting or simply playing with luck, manias and obsessions, sex as a recreational activity, romantic relationships and flirting, falling in love, getting excited and enthusiastic, meeting new people and goofing around, theaters, drama, and acting, leadership, innocence, first born children, children in general, one's own inner child, and partly rules one’s childhood; more particularly, it rules what the native chooses as, how you played as a child, and discovered the world around you, childhood creations, amusements, and performances, artistic or athletic tendencies, your personal pride and showing off, and all types of celebration and partying, the heart, upper back, and spine, sustained vitality and loyalty, the loyalty of others, sudden desire for recognition, ways in which you are a boss in your life/vs/who's the boss of you, where you find courage in your life/vs/where you lack the courage to push plans through, how you feel about being conceited/ways in which you are conceited, finding determination, finding ways to feel more "royal"/learning about royalty, faithfulness, trust, generosity, warmth, and your relationship with the Sun.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Apache Tears- Heal Grief and Give Protection and Grounding. Apache Tears are a type of Black Obsidian, but they have a more friendly vibration than some of the other types of Obsidian. They are not altered but are natural crystals that heal grief. Apache Tears are helpful for surfacing grief held in the emotional body in order to cleanse and heal old trauma or wounds. Apache Tears is best known for it's ability to help one overcome depression. Use this stone to heal your inner child, and all inner wounds for more happiness, and fun in your everyday life.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) 

 Uranus will enter your 4th House 

The themes that will come up involve foundations, the home, the family, the roots, ancestors, domestic issues, your property and real estate, land, houses or even subterranean places, origin, the grandparents, the lineage and traditions passing from them, as well as material things that are coming from previous generations of your family, broken/strengthening family bonds, your less dominant parent/mother, your own feminine energy, place of residence, the collective karma of your lineage, and influences that your ancestor’s actions have on your whole family, magickal powers passed as a blessing or curse from elder generations, your bloodline, nurturing (how you nurture yourself, and others, how others nurture you), safety/lack of safety, empathy, nostalgia, cooking, examining your emotions/moods, and their patterns, examining your insecurities and their roots, the chest, the breasts, and stomach, your nesting instincts, what is your shell, what are you protecting yourself from, things smothering you/you smothering something, what is tender in your heart?

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Selenite- selenite is connected to the crown chakra – your direct line to the Divine. It is high-vibrational and self-cleanses. Selenite’s white light brings clarity and breaks through debris that clouds our auras blocking us from connecting with our ancestors. Use selenite in conjunction with obsidian, as it can leave you feeling “flighty” after use and obsidian is a strong grounding stone.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20) 

 Uranus will enter your 3rd House 

The themes that will come up involve perception and sharing of all connections, changeability, curiosity, intellect and of all low-level knowledge(primary education until high school) you obtain in your life, brothers, sisters, and relatives, while also everyone else that is close to you such as neighbors, communication, both the actions the individual does to communicate and the devices he uses, telephones, letters, small walks to see a friend nearby, TV, radios, and newspapers, transportation,you may get a new form of transportation, short travels in nearby places, discovering a new special skills of speech or hands, working on your physical hand writing, trying painting, sculpting, becoming a mechanic, routine behaviors in the nearby society, from how you behave when you go to the nearby store, to how you greet your neighbor and so on, examining what type of filters we are using to perceive reality, low-level communication and conversation, gossiping, chatting and small-talk, needs and desires to be informed, issues concerning the usage of the internet, blogging, information junkie, learning a foreign language, playing jokes/having jokes played on you, learning more about you own adaptability, examining you own mulit-fascited personality/moods, becoming nosy about others lives/having someone suddenly become nosy about your life, examining you own dexterity, being slick, examining the symmetry's in the world/your own self, and the duality's within society/your own self , experiencing people who you perceive to be "two-faced", or seeing ways in which you can be "two faced, experiencing flashes of information, and examining your own intelligence.

Gemstone/Crystal for this transit: Chrysocolla- a great stone for public speaking, not only because of the confidence you’ll be feeling, but also because of the new beginnings Chrysocolla aids in realizing. If you’ve ever thought about strengthening your communication, use Chrysocolla to bring about a new you who is a powerful communicator. The personal power that Chrysocolla imbues is known to banish phobias, release limiting beliefs and mental tensions, and activate your motivation.

The Megxit Drama pt. 2

Since I already went through Meghan Markle’s chart in light of the Megxit Drama, I’m going to get into Prince Harry’s as well, considering that they’re both very much part of this demonstrative break with tradition and authority. However, for Harry, it’s not only a break with a work environment and in laws, it’s a break with his family, his up-bringing and his roots in an attempt to rid himself from outdated and harmful beliefs and thought-systems imbedded in fabric of the institution.  

As stated in my previous post, Harry and Meghan has been far from applauded in their break with the Royal Family, especially after the Oprah interview in March where they made public accusations of being treated unfairly in various ways. Meghan felt attacked by the media, left out in the cold and denied protection, deprived of support when she felt suicidal and even encountering racism. Aside from Harry’s motivation to help his wife, he admittedly also felt like Meghan’s situation gave him the opportunity to cut ties for good with a way of life that apparently had affected him more negatively and positively throughout his childhood and into his adulthood.

It’s certainly bold for Prince Harry to make complaints seeing as the public tends to not appreciate when wealthy and privileged people come out whining and wimping about their “difficult life”. However, the world is not as straight forward as rich equals happy and poor equals sad. Starvation and difficulty can be encountered on many levels of existence and just because one is born a prince doesn’t mean that one is incapable of experiencing legitimate lack. Life doesn’t spare any of us, which is why there should be compassion for all people – there’s no group or individual that is exclusively entitled to have their suffering be acknowledged. In a sense, Harry being able to look at his own struggles and prioritize his own and his wife’s well-being is a good thing. The message and spirit behind their action is good, at least if they’re honest and genuine (which people still doubt). Regardless, when the status quo is disrupted, there will be friction and unpleasantries.

(Chart of Prince Harry on astrotheme.com)

Although Harry’s chart reflects a predominantly earthy influence, which is speaking to the need for structure, permanence and routine, his planets in Sagittarius and Scorpio, gives him a free spirit and emotional endurance. Ever since Harry was little he was notably more impulsive and risk-taking than his brother William. Harry’s Mars (which marks his physical energy and drive) is suitably placed in the restless fire sign of Sagittarius, conjunct Uranus, which gives him a non-conformist and individualistic streak – especially in the context of friends and groups. Apparently, he was a wild teenager, drinking a lot, letting lose in “inappropriate ways”, being aggressively competitive on the polo court and so on. He seems to be quite the mellow type at first glance, his Capricorn Ascendant gives him an outward persona of seriousness and his Scorpio MC gives him a public image of being a bit “in the background” not wanting to attract too much attention or reveal too much. As I mentioned in the previous post, Harry acted passive in the interview, coming off as a troubled man not knowing what he’d gotten himself into – which is quite characteristic of the Scorpio MC and Saturn conjunct. Astrology is a very useful tool when analyzing a person, because sometimes, the public image is only a tiny speck of what really goes on. Harry’s chart shows that he comes off as more cold and guarded than he actually is, and quite understandably so considering growing up with the media on constant watch for slip-ups. Opposite the MC, in the 4th house he has his Taurus Moon, pointing out that his sensitivity and vulnerability only comes out in private with his own family in his own home. It’s a deeply loyal placement that is resistant to change and it might not have been that easy to uproot for him, if he hadn’t had his own family with Meghan to provide some safety and emotional containment.

It has become evident that Harry seems to be a troubled soul that is haunted by past traumas and experiences. His Sun (which marks his individuality, his will and sense of significance) is in the 8thhouse, suggesting that his identity is based on other people’s values. There would be a feeling of having one’s identity and significance being in the hands of other people – of having one’s individuality being owned and controlled. When being part of the Royal Family, one is subjected to rules and values imposed from the outside. Significance is granted based on the opinions and approval of others – it’s given if one succeeds in appealing to their psychology. The 8th house is the house of death, regeneration and traumatic events. The Sun usually signifies the father image and it’s obvious that Harry is very disappointed of his father. He pities him for being trapped, undoubtedly resents him for being a “bad” husband to his late mother and not caring enough to make a change to alleviate his children’s suffering (typical 8th house themes). Even though his father was present during his childhood and inevitably involved, at least physically, he probably wasn’t able to be there as an effective role model and supporter of Harry in the way he needed emotionally. The Sun in Virgo squares Mars and Neptune in Sagittarius, which describes Charles’s disapproval of his son’s recklessness and marked individualism.

Harry’s Sun in the 8th house also points to someone who derives a sense of self from his troubles and tribulations in life. Since the big break with his family he has gained a sense confidence and has undertaken a kind of hero-journey through opening up about his mental health struggles and destructive coping mechanisms used in the past to numb out his emotions directly or indirectly related to his mother’s death. Sun square Mars and Neptune describes someone who struggles to act on his own will as well as finding and pursuing his own ideals and dreams. He is probably struggling and has been struggling with undermined sense of importance his whole life, perhaps naturally given the circumstances of always being the unruly sidekick to his older brother growing up. His 3rd house of siblings is ruled by Aries, which points to competitiveness and head butting, not to mention a strong need to be the best. I’m sure this competitiveness isn’t and wasn’t all bad – it likely kept them alert and motivated to improve their skills and abilities. Another sibling signifier is Mercury, sitting in the 8th house. Harry has admitted that he views his brother to be as stuck as his father, that he is trapped within the system upheld by other people’s values. Charles and William presumably don’t like being reduced to “victims” by their family member in a public statement. It must feel like being stabbed in the back by someone who’s supposed to show loyalty, to only for the sake of the monarchy but for the sake of personal feelings involved. Harry stated in the Oprah interview that he has great respect for all members of his family, but it was done in a business type manner, like an employee respects his employer “in theory”. The true feelings of Harry are obviously more complicated and seep through the carefully portrayed civilized sentiments. His public image being that of Scorpio, it certainly appears to the public like he’s take pains in order to get revenge through strategic moves involving relating secrets to the public of the power dynamics going on behind closed doors. Saturn in Scorpio conjunct the MC is especially prone to build a career by getting to the bottom of shady events. He’s now putting an emphasis in his work on mental health, raising awareness and exploring his own psyche as a way of enlightening the world, which is his Saturn in Scorpio in the 9thacting out. He has collaborated with Oprah on the on the documentary “The Me You Can’t See”, in which several well-known celebrities open up about their own mental and emotional difficulties. As a 9th house Saturn and Pluto in Scorpio person that Harry is, it’s not surprising that he wants to share these things. The 9th house is about sharing and distributing knowledge and Scorpio is about that which is hidden and taboo. Pluto sits in this house as well, putting an even stronger emphasis on highlighting uncomfortable issues hidden underneath the surface.

Valkyria Chronicles, Squad Hope (VC x DR)

In a crossover maybe 5-10 people will appreciate, here’s my picks for the various casts of the many Danganronpa installments and how I would organize them if they were structured like a Valkyria Chronicles Squad. Note: I’ll mainly be going by Squad E’s set-up in VC4, which removed the Armored Tech class and simplified the skill trees from VC2 and VC3 into armor and weapon types, rather than classes.

Tank Commander

Makoto Naegi (1st Lieutenant, later Captain): Being that “Inspire” is an available order in the series, he felt fitting as the entire squad’s commander; outside of the tank, he’d be a Scout. His plans -though unusual for a high ranked commander and likely to make other squads doubt him- have come through time and again with his “everyone comes home” mantra inspiring loyalty that few other commanders can boast.

Shuichi Saihara (Tank Driver): Like Isara in VC1 or Miles in VC4; I would naturally have him beside Naegi in the tank, helping to come up with tactical moves. His character arc would be learning to speak up and showing himself to be an immensely talented tactician in his own right; Naegi encourages him frequently to one day surpass him and lead the squad.

Secondary Tank Driver

Kyousuke Munakata (2nd Lieutenant): Like Zaka in VC1 or Ronald in VC4, he’d drive a smaller tank solo, setting him up as a “rival” character to Naegi. He’ll follow orders, but won’t be afraid to question his commander’s more risky maneuvers.

APC Driver

The Imposter: Like Dan in VC4, he’d carry soldiers into battle aboard his APC, telling them “I will carry you all” as he does so. Few know his true identity but absolutely none question his driving skills.

Scouts

Kokichi Ouma (Sergeant): Like Alicia in VC1 or Minerva in VC4, his stats would be frightening; despite the sheer lack of trust his comrades place in him preventing him from moving up in rank, he would frequently come up with strategies of his own that often pay off, undermining Naegi’s leadership.

Rantarou Amami: Being a “survivor” his evasion stats would be tremendous. He largely joined the conflict to travel deep as he could into Imperial territory in search of his lost sisters.

Aoi Asahina: She’d likely have access to the “Double Movement” potential because she’s so fit. A plucky girl that helps keep morale high within the squad.

Daisaku Bandai: The joke here is that he’s tall and conspicuous enough that people assume he’d be a lancer and yet is so strangely good at blending in with nature that he makes for a perfect scout.

Yasuhiro Hagakure: Given his skill for escaping the mob unharmed and slip out of danger, he’d also have a strong evasion stat (and probably some lousy accuracy).

Rouma Hoshi: He’d be a powerful all-around capable scout with high accuracy and defense. His squad story would be essentially based around finding his purpose in life, as opposed to looking for a “good death” in battle.

Sonosuke Izayoi: He’d be another tough scout with some potentials leaning towards stealth assassination.

Yuuto Kamishiro: He’d likely have access to a variety of stealth potentials to let him handle recon and the like (without necessarily being fit to engage enemies directly).

Koichi Kizakura: He’d be one of the rare “defensive” scouts able to protect camps all across the map. Happy to be of help, he claims to work best as a “spotter” to the squad’s star sniper, though she’ll deny needing his help every single time.

Mahiru Koizumi: Given her talent, she’d be almost purely recon focused, probably having higher-than-average accuracy. Given the opportunity, she’ll prefer not to kill.

Leon Kuwata: I find the notion amusing of him claiming that he wants to switch classes to shocktrooper because they often get all the glory only to turn out to be completely suited to scout work in a later squad story (though he’d still be in denial by the end of it).

Sayaka Maizono: Like Freesia York in VC1, her background as a dancer makes her work well at the general necessities of a scout. Given her role as the “heroine” character, I’d have likely made her the medic if not for the role being taken already by someone better suited.

Komaru Naegi: The commander’s younger sister who graduated the academy some years after him, he was always quick to tell people she inherited all the firing accuracy in the family. Taking to the battlefield herself, she’s eager to prove this to be true.

Kanon Nakajima: A younger girl who entered the military to follow after her cousin, many ironically believe due to her firing accuracy and ruthlessness with dispatching hostiles that she’d have been better suited to the shocktrooper class; she dismisses all of these claims each and every time, perfectly content to occupy the class closest to her cousin.

Angie Yonaga: She’d be the one with the more off-the-wall potentials that become useful in rare situations.

Shocktroopers

Hajime Hinata (Sergeant-Major): Like Rosie, Zeri or Raz, he’d be the “main” Shocktrooper with stats far above the rest, which eventually gets explained as him being the first in a series of failed attempts to create an “artificial Valkyria” like Maximilian at the end of VC1; his story arc would be overcoming this side of himself to win the war with the power of a normal human being.

Tenko Chabashira: She’d no doubt have the Man-Hater potential like Dallas Wyatt in VC1, while also making a point to protect the rest of the girls in the squad whenever she can. Some of them don’t appreciate or want said help.

Touko Fukawa: Though some see her as a jittery bookworm, once she’s in the heat of battle and witnessed enough blood, her true potential comes out, turning her into a killing machine.

Mukuro Ikusaba: I’ve considered making her a soldier of The Empire, though as a “what-if” character, she couldn’t be anything else but a Shocktrooper (having her be a Darcsen in this AU could also make for some interesting character drama)

Kiyotaka Ishimaru: A young Darcsen man, he’d push himself to achieve glory for his family and to hopefully fight back against the stigma against Darcsens (like Zeri in VC2)

Nagito Komaeda: Something of a walking disaster ala Lily in VC4, his potentials would all largely be based around luck (such as “Dude Mine” or Mica Hawkins’ “Jam Jinxed“) and would most certainly either help or hinder whichever detachment he’s a part of.

Ibuki Mioda: Given that she canonically fires a flamethrower, this role seemed obvious for her. She’d probably keep a chipper attitude even in the madness of war.

Kaito Momota: Given his role as a “Hero” character, he’d naturally be one of the best shocktroopers in the squad, with stats nearly comparable to Hinata’s.

Akane Owari: She’d be a more evasion-focused trooper who occasionally experiences major downgrades to evasion due to rushing headlong into danger (much like Raz’s Reckless Charge potential)

Peko Pekoyama: Given her hardy nature, she’d be especially capable of tanking a lot of rounds, though she’d likely feel somewhat uncomfortable with a rifle (like Fleuret Valois in VC4) and have less-than-stellar firing accuracy.

Juuzo Sakakura: A powerful shocktrooper all around, his main drawback would be a disobedient streak when it comes to orders not given by Munakata.

Byakuya Togami: Naturally talented, Togami would participate mainly as a matter of family honor. As expected, he’d be the 3rd or 2nd best shocktrooper behind Hinata (or maybe even above Momota)

Lancers

Sonia Nevermind (”Honorary” Lieutenant): A noblewoman and a member of the royal family for the country your squad is protecting, her military service (and her comparatively low rank) would be an effort to inspire her countrymen by taking to the field of battle. In spite of her high station, she’ll gladly accept any orders given for the sake of the mission.

Gonta Gokuhara: Born in a small town on the outskirts, his reasons for joining the war effort would be to protect the bug habitats that The Empire is toppling.

The Great Gozu: He would likely have the highest HP of all the other lancers.

Hiroko Hagakure: A former delinquent and veteran of the last war, this woman has no problem telling people she taught her scout of a son “everything he knows.” Many doubt if this claim is something worth bragging about, though are just as quickly silenced by her ingenuity in stopping tanks dead in their tracks. Those days as a delinquent weren’t for nothing…

Kiibo: Humanized in this continuity, he would take the firing proficiency he was taught growing up to take out tanks efficiently rather than by brute force.

Isshiki Madarai: The only one of his brothers to get conscripted, this beast of a man would take great pleasure wiping out tanks for the glory of his family.

Nekomaru Nidai: A reliable man happy to support his fellow soldiers, he would dutifully “soften up” tanks before letting someone else delivery the finishing shot.

Sakura Oogami: Likely the most powerful lancer in terms of sheer destructive capacity, she’d the only one to carry the heavier equipment that other lancers dare not attempt to lug into battle.

Mondo Oowada: Something of a loner, he’d he the unit you send off to take care of pesky tanks on obscure parts of the map. He swears by his firing accuracy (though he can never match Kiibo).

Engineers

Ruruka Andou: As a bonus to her repairing and healing job, she’ll occasionally let soldiers and tank drivers have a piece of her candy upon helping them out, giving them a minor morale boost. The drawback is a major drop in morale if she does so again, refusing to hand out any more of her candy as a way to string them along. She’s a double-edged sword if there ever was one.

Chihiro Fujisaki: A tech wizard as far as the 1930′s can go, he’d be highly attentive to fixing tanks though physically frail and often needing protection from them in the thick of battle. He’s working to change this.

Miu Iruma: A self-proclaimed genius inventor, her tendency to make “modifications” to the tanks she repairs has given her something of a bad reputation, even if anything she repairs often ends up working better than it did out of the factory.

Teruteru Hanamura: He would be the type to compare both tanks and injured soldiers to various fine dishes he’s prepared in the past, saying all they need is his “special touch.” Units rarely come to him for help.

Ryouta Mitarai: Highly insecure of the quality of his repairs, he’d likely go through a squad story in which he learns to have confidence in his abilities as an engineer, though that confidence may not last. Baby steps…

Chiaki Nanami: Something of a natural genius, she would get a lot more done on the battlefield if she weren’t so sleepy. Once focused, her support on all fronts is second-to-none.

Hiyoko Saionji: Even though she calls it “lowly Greasemonkey work” she takes her job seriously enough when it comes to taking care of tanks, but can be l stingy when it comes to healing, sadistically holding Ragnaid over someone’s head while saying “Wellll… I guess I could heal you.” One of the rare engineers that both sides fear.

Kazuichi Souda: Something of a scatterbrain when it comes to tanks, he’ll stand by his repairs as being the best, though the sycophantic infatuation he’ll take with the machine once the repair is done leave some drivers reluctant to call upon his services.

Hifumi Yamada: His preference is to keep himself busy all across the battlefield by clearing mines, resupplying ammo and just generally aiding the push on the front line without sticking to any groups in particular. Aside from the commander, the only orders that’ll have him to resupply are those given by a certain red-eyed sniper…

Himiko Yumeno: Something of a lazy engineer, she’s prone to sticking close to groups when she can all while claiming to be lending “support” with her magic. Few question her on it for the simple advantage of having a semi-reliable engineer at arm’s reach.

Snipers:

Kyouko Kirigiri (Staff Sergeant): Having graduated the country’s top military academy in the same class as the current commander, many assumed she would be the one leading the squad only for her to defer the position. Some believe her preference for watching over the battlefield with “the eyes of an eagle” (as some have nicknamed it) are the reason for her choice in class.

Maki Harukawa: A famous mercenary, few in the squad are eager to lend her their trust, a position she’ll happily accept; she doesn’t want any amateurs getting in her way (such as a certain boisterous shocktrooper).

Celestia Ludenberg: Considered something of a devil behind the scope, her rank would surely improve if she weren’t so willing to allow “unworthy” marks from leaving her sights. Convincing her out of this insubordination may take some time…

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu: Often underestimated due to his missing eye, he’s happy to shut any doubts about his skills down with a well-timed shot between theirs. Some rumors claim he used to hunt in the small village his family owned beside one of the squad’s other shocktroopers, who would always bring back whatever quarry he’d taken out.

Yasuke Matsuda: A surgeon in his civilian life, many questioned his choice of class as opposed to operating as a field medic. His usual answer to this is a scalpal embedded in whatever nearby wall has some target that few would mistake for a bullseye if he wasn’t so skilled at hitting them from many meters away.

Korekiyo Shinguuji: A self-proclaimed anthropologist, he joined the war effort in order to experience the human condition in the cruelest of circumstances. Thanks to the look of glee on his face when blowing away a target that knows he has them in his sights, he’s often avoided by the rest of the squad.

Grenadier

Kaede Akamatsu: A girl with an unusual sense for viewing the battlefield like a composition, she’s prone to using musical terms like “orchestra” to refer to a combined effort and “coda” nearing the end of a mission. Somehow, despite all the chaos of war, her rounds almost always hit their mark.

Seiko Kimura: An unofficial member of the squad, she joined as a science officer tasked with testing new chemical compositions that she creates for her mortars in the field. Given the choice, she’d much rather be back in her lab, but has slowly grown accustomed to the soldier’s life beside this rowdy band of oddballs.

Ryouko Otonashi: Her position in the squad is something of a “what-if” again, but the role is largely to take advantage of her talent for predicting and analyzing coordinates.

Tsumugi Shirogane: A seemingly frail girl unfit to carry the payload of mortar rounds all grenadiers are expected to, she makes a note of always observing every possible piece of information she has access to before making a move, gaining a natural skill for manipulating her enemy’s movements into the range of her interception fire.

Gundham Tanaka: Prone to calling his rounds “Hellfire that rains from above” few are aware his strangely accurate estimations of the enemy position comes in part from the animal friends he makes before each mission, relaying intel to him before scattering.

Kirumi Toujou: An all-around reliable woman, she joined the war effort for the sake of her master’s businesses that began struggling almost immediately after, though she immediately denied when asked if it would be possible for her to destroy The Empire. Despite that, she’ll make every effort she can to accomplish that very task, one mortar at a time.

Medic

Mikan Tsumiki: The medic who rushes into the warzone to evacuate wounded soldiers. Despite assumptions of her weak or scared nature, she’s shown a surprising amount of bravery during the course of the campaign, leading the squad to trust her with their lives. Her bed-side manner is second-to-none.

Drill Sergeant

Chisa Yukizome: This immensely multi-faceted young woman is charged with training both rookies and veterans. Though she may come off as tough at first, the squad have to come to understand over time that she’s always looking out for each and every one of them. To her, every wound is something she could have prevented with better training.

Mission Control

Kazuou Tengan (General): Not a playable class per se, his role as the direct the operations themselves that the squad take part in. Given his years of military service, few question his battlefield wisdom.

Miaya Gekkogahara: As a radar operator, her role is to debrief the squad on their current mission. Despite her fiercely logical approach to strategy, many have difficulty taking to her tendency to describe the complexities of these operations with a hand puppet shaped like a pink rabbit. Her dedication to ensuring each and every unit understands the mission has endeared her to the squad.

Junko Enoshima She’d start out the game as a rival tank commander ala Jaeger or Walz with Monika as her tank driver, only for her to boredly say when backed into a corner “I hate doing this” before her eyes start glowing red while her hair pales to a snowy white, glowing all over. She’s not just a brilliant tactician: she’s The Empire’s secret weapon, the Valkyria of legend.

How does the squad manage to topple the strategic genius that’s given them this much trouble now wielding the power to decimate whole companies with a single stroke of her lance? They’ll need a Valkyria of their own, naturally.

Perhaps they have such a woman in their midst? Who can say…

FIRE SIGNS; WHAT’S YOUR KARMA 2019

ARIES

MONEY: Career and ambitions will continue to go through change, transformation and even “destruction” with Saturn and Pluto in Capricorn sitting in this area of life.    Plus  the Solar and Lunar Eclipses in Capricorn this year will all affect the same area of life.  The first Solar Eclipse in Capricorn, January 5th brings an offer for a new career structure that should lead to greater authority and power over time.  The offer may not seem like much on the surface but will generate great rewards/recognition in the future.   By the time the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse occurs July 16th, you should see results and progress.    Another opportunity comes your way at the next Solar Eclipse in Capricorn, December 26th.  

With Uranus back in Aries until March 7th, you can expect a release of tensions allowing many problems to be solved at once.  New people coming into your life will be the catalyst for you to change direction and manner of expression.  Once Uranus moves permanently into Taurus March 7th, for six years,  unexpected financial offers and opportunities will “test” your self-worth/confidence.   At the same time stimulating your creative potential beyond your comfort zone. Sudden change in the area of finances should be expected.    If you’re stagnant in the same employment/position, expect the Universe to create “upheavals”  affecting your security.   The course of events that occur could “force” you  to  reconsider your current job and look elsewhere.  Evidence of job change will be evident around the time of the Full Moon in Virgo, February 18th. in your house of work, health  service to Self and others, showing you are not in a healthy work environment with healthy people.    This will become glaringly obvious around time.  

When Mercury retrogrades in Scorpio October 31st - November 20th,  unpleasant truths maybe revealed that have been hidden, which, once exposed could mark a significant “ending” to certain joint financial partnerships.

SEX: The Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Leo, January 21st, initiates closure of love relationships that are not fulfilling/bringing happiness, at the same time motivating you to rethink your approach love and the people you choose to be with.   A change of attitude/approach to love and the people you choose as a partner, is necessary this year if you want to be happy.    When Mercury retrogrades in Leo, July 7th - 31st,  memories of past lives/childhood experiences could come back to “haunt” you.   However, you must be cautious before going back to old loves, because they really haven’t changed and will only serve to regurgitate mistakes and unhappy experiences between you.    Childhood  experiences hold they to the  current state of love in your life, a chance for you to explore and go deep.   You will find the answers you’re looking for if you can do this.

POWER: With Jupiter in Sagittarius unity December 2nd, the focus of this transit will be  expansion, good luck travel, higher consciousness, travel, optimism, foresight, study and publishing, empowering you to feel free to really step outside of your comfort zone and explore the world with a broader perspective.

The key to success is to not fear doing something completely different and interacting with people different from your Self.   If  opportunity presents itself to learn something new, that elevates your perspective of life, take it. you’ll be surprised at the positive affect this has on your overall attitude and beliefs.  

The “World is your Oyster” in 2019, therefore going backwards, repeating the same thing is not an option or recipe for success.

LEO

MONEY: With the Full Moon in Leo January 21st you’ll be influenced to reconsider actions taken/plan to take, to further your ambitions, regardless of how right you may or may not be.  If you try to “force” issues you run the risk of threatening others to react against you which will not have a good outcome.  

With the New Moon Solar Eclipse in Capricorn January 5th, you’l have to contend with a new employment structure/employer, that you might feel the need to criticize.  If you do this you’ll miss the point  of what certain individuals are trying to accomplish to create positive changes.   If you can avoid being too fixed on your own perspective and see other’s point of view, everything will work out satisfactorily.

By July 16th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Capricorn will finally bring an end to an old work structure that no longer serves a purpose. motivating you to go elsewhere.  However, with Saturn and Pluto both  retrograde in Capricorn, April 29th - September 18th and April 24th - October 2nd, a lot of difficult issues, undermining and problems will need to be resolved before you can move on.   Financial plans could also fall apart around the Full Moon in Virgo February 18th.  This won’t be a bad thing because these plans were not too beneficial to you furthering your goals, neither was the foundation solid enough to survive.  

With Neptune in Pisces highlighting joint financial partnerships, you can expect dissolving to occur with agreements that may have had a future If the inner workings of these partnership were more transparent, practical and straightforward.   if this dissolving takes place, you might experience fear insecurity and doubt about forming new alliances with others.   All this can be avoided if you don’t ignore weaknesses that are obvious and need attention.

Uranus will remain i Aries until March 7th, then move into the sign of Taurus until July 7th 2025.    While the planet is  stallion Aries, you have to make more of an effort to step out of your  comfort zone of beliefs about success, recognition, interacting with different kinds of people  and overall achievement.   This is a time to be more open to growth, broaden your perspective of life, in order to achieve your life purpose. Once Uranus moves into Taurus March 7th,  you must prepare for career change during this cycle, because it will come unexpectedly and affect financial prosperity, status/power and future ambitions.  

By the time Jupiter moves into Capricorn December 2nd for one year, You will know by then, if it hasn’t already occurred, that you’ll have to work hard to preserve security, structures of identity, home and employment.  Any weakness with career will be made very evident, therefore attention to this areas of life is important.  

SEX: Jupiter in Sagittarius highlights  romance, happiness, childhood and risks. Throughout the year of this cycle until December 2nd, it will be necessary  to evaluate why you’re not happy in love and not fear delving into childhood experiences to find answers.    Beliefs you hold onto about love need to be looked at and most likely let go. Once you let go, it will be easier to have a fresh broader viewpoint that isn’t so limiting or dogmatic.  Make an effort to learning about love and how to love, not just physically but to appreciate your partner on other levels too.  

POWER: This is a year when the only way to maintain and power is by removing illusions  you have about Cause and Affect.  This may sound trivial but in fact Cause And affect applies to everyone, no-one is exempt.    Although for sometime you may have gotten away with breaking the rules and Natural Law without consequence, this will change with Neptune in Pisces unity March 31st 2025,.  Past deeds will inevitably come back to “haunt” you, because the Universe requires you start to learn your life lessons now.  The outcome depends on whether you resist or accept these “lessons” : Acceptance will bring later rewards for work well done, resistance more karma to deal with.  

During 2019, t wouldn’t be a bad idea to take up meditation  or similar modality, to help you become more introspective, self-aware and insightful enough to understand  Universal Law.  This is the “test” for 2019.

SAGITTARIUS

MONEY: With Jupiter in your sign until December 2nd, then moving into Capricorn for one year, and your house of money, material possession, self-worth and personal resources, you’ll be at the start of a positive new cycle, bringing changes for the better.   Currently Jupiter is giving you protection from any and all negativity directed towards you.  As long as yo have a broad view of you abilities and what you can achieve, this cycle should end on a very positive note.  

Now is when you should be in action to overcome, negotiate, prosper, succeed, start a new business, settle business disagreements, buy a car and receive just payment owed to you.    New opportunities can be created while expanding your talents.  Uranus still in Aries until March 7th, is nudging these creative abilities, to stretch beyond your comfort zone, take bigger risks and show the world what you can do.  

The New Moon Solar Eclipse in Capricorn, affecting your money house,  will bring a new business structure, better equipped to support your goals.  by July 16th, the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in the same sign, will eventually end the old structure you’ve been used to  and form of employment.   As the year closes the last and final Eclipse in Capricorn will bring yet again another solid formidable opportunity to enhance goals, ambitions, authority and power.  In conjunction with Jupiter moving into Capricorn December 2nd for one year,  long-term opportunities should be your focus and past opportunities will resurface to fulfill current needs.   Any problems/misunderstandings with people in authority/power can also be resolved around the time of the Full Moon in Virgo, February 18th.  Be sure to not give up on  your own objectives because perseverance, patience and diligence will bring success. Do all you can to learn new things/subjects and gather information because there’s still a great deal you don’t know and have yet to learn/understand.

With Uranus permanently in Taurus March 7th - July 7th 2025, not only is your employment status up for change, but reversal of fortune could occur, which cold facilitate the change in work.   Expect unexpected opportunities to increase finances and gain recognition, to be available throughout this 6 year cycle. Nothing will stay the same, so be prepared for major changes in work, career and finances  during this transit.

SEX: Uranus in Aries will also affect love, until March 7th.  During this time make an effort to smooth over any problems between you and your significant other, because the possibility of separation is likely with this aspect.  At the same time you can also do something different to surprise your partner (in a good way), which will serve to strengthen the bond between you.   Be clear about your intentions/feelings and avoid wanting your own way all the time.    For Single Sagittarius,  unexpected potential lovers come into your life out-of-the-blue, but as suddenly as they come, the could go just as quickly with this aspect and you can expect a lot of ups and downs in love while Uranus is in Aries.

POWER: From a perspective of health, 2019  is a year to be more discriminating about the food you digest.  Listen to your body because it will “tell” you what works and what doesn’t .  A good nutritionist will be of great help throughout the year, once Uranus moves into Taurus and your house of health, work, service to Self and others. Unusual allergies could also be an issue that  seem to manifest out of nowhere. Also try not to overwork, because the stress will affect health and well being.

With Neptune in Pisces, still affecting home, family, foundation of life, anything/anyone that is not conducive to a nurturing environment, will be “dissolved” during this transit   This is a time to visualize the life you want with discernment, working towards making it a reality.    Remember, too, you can’t be all things to all people or keep people in your life that hold you back for moving forward because they are unable to move with you.

Throughout 2019, the Universe is on your side, therefore don’t be afraid to implement

The child entrapped in this kind of horror develops the belief that she is somehow responsible for the crimes of her abusers. Simply by virtue of her existence on earth, she believes that she has driven the most powerful people in her world to do terrible things. Surely, then, her nature must be thoroughly evil. The language of self becomes a language of abomination. Survivors routinely describe themselves as outside the compact of ordinary human relations, as supernatural creatures or nonhuman life forms. They think of themselves as witches, vampires, whores, dogs, rats, or snakes. Some use the imagery of excrement or filth to describe their inner sense of self. In the words on an incest survivor: “ I am filled with black slime. If I open my mouth it will pour out. I think of myself as the sewer silt that a snake would breed upon.” By developing a contaminated, stigmatised identity, the child victim takes the evil of the abuser into herself and thereby preserves her primary attachments to her parents. Because the inner sense of badness preserves a relationship, it is not readily given up even after the abuse has stopped; rather, it becomes a stable part of the child’s personality structure. Protective workers who intervene in discovered cases of abuse routinely assure child victims that they are not at fault. Just as routinely, the children refuse to be absolved of blame. Similarly, adult survivors who have escaped from the abusive situation continue to view themselves with contempt and to take upon themselves the shame and guilt of their abusers. The profound sense of inner badness becomes the core around which the abused child’s identity is formed, and it persists into adult life. The malignant sense of inner badness is often camouflaged by the abused child’s persistent attempts to be good. In an effort to placate her abusers, the child victim often becomes a superb performer. She attempts to do whatever is required of her. She may become an empathic caretaker for her parents, an efficient housekeeper, an academic achiever, a model of social conformity. She brings to all these tasks a perfectionist zeal, driven by a desperate need to find favor in her parents’ eyes. In adult life, this prematurely forced competence may lead to considerable occupational success. None of her achievements in the world redound to her credit, however, for she usually perceives her performing self as inauthentic and false. Rather, the appreciation of others simply confirms her conviction that no one can truly know her and that, if her secret and true self were recognised, she would be shunned and reviled.   [….] Survivors of chronic childhood trauma face the task of grieving not only for what was lost but also for what was never theirs to lose. The childhood that was stolen from them is irreplaceable. They must mourn the loss of the foundation of basic trust, the belief in a good parent. As they come to recognise that they were not responsible for their fate, they confront the existential despair that they could not face in childhood. Leonard Shengold poses the central question at this stage in mourning: “Without the inner picture of caring parents, how can one survive?…Every soul-murder victim will be wracked by the question ‘Is there life without father and mother?'” The confrontation with despair brings with it, at least transiently, an increased risk of suicide. In contrast to the impulsive self-destructiveness of the first stage of recovery, the patient’s suicidality during the second stage may evolve from a calm, flat, apparently rational decision to reject a world where such horrors are possible. Patients may engage in sterile philosophical discussions about their right to choose suicide. It is imperative to get beyond this intellectual defense and to engage the feelings and fantasies that fuel the patient’s despair. Commonly the patient has the fantasy that she is already among the dead, because her capacity for love has been destroyed. What sustains the patient through this descent into despair is the smallest evidence of an ability to form loving connections. Clues to the undestroyed capacity for love can often be found through the evocation of soothing imagery. Almost invariably it is possible to find some image of attachment that has been salvaged from the wreckage. One positive memory of a caring, comforting person may be a lifeline during the descent into mourning. The patient’s own capacity to feel compassion for animals or children, even at a distance, may be the fragile beginning of compassion for herself. The reward of mourning is realised as the survivor sheds her evil, stigmatised identity and dares to hope for new relationships in which she no longer has anything to hide.

Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery

On the internet, where people become data and popularity is conveniently quantified, it’s easy to learn what a community values most. Twitter embraces celebrities and #brands. Reddit stans for Barack Obama and elaborate pop-culture GIFs. Quora is an asylum of techies questioning their morality and their stock options; its second-most-upvoted answer is a “soul-satisfying” account of a sales bro helping a homeless man.

On the Bodybuilding.com forums, the two most popular threads of all time are not about deadlifts, intermittent fasting, or maintaining motivation. They’re about women. Specifically, women Bodybuilding.com members would “love to pound.” While one thread features pictures of “petite/slim girls” and the other of “athletic girls,” both are an endless stream of lightly Photoshopped near-nudity and predictably lecherous comments. Both have been viewed almost 3 million times. And both are on the lone section of the Bodybuilding.com forums that’s explicitly unrelated to fitness: the Misc.

“Participate at your own risk, some content NSFW,” reads the description of the Misc. on the forums’ homepage. “U Aware?”

The number of people who are Aware, it turns out, is over 16 million. As of January 2018, these members of Bodybuilding.com have made more than 137 million posts on the forums, including 90 million on the Misc. The forums first became active in 2000, a time before Wikipedia and when “Skype” was neither app nor verb. Myspace—Myspace!—didn’t exist until three years later. The Misc., as the predominant section of an internet community with such immense popularity and longevity, has cemented its place near the top of Google’s search results for any query imaginable. To appropriate Rule 34, if it exists, there’s a Misc. thread for it. Online, at least, the Misc. is inescapable.

A cursory scroll through the Misc. reveals what it has in common with the still-popular internet communities it predates, Reddit and 4chan. There are the memes, comics, copypastas, acronyms, and slang recycled endlessly in a digital echo chamber largely devoid of moderation. There are the forum members—Miscers, they call themselves—who post, and post in, intentionally incendiary threads about whether tongue rings scream “cum dumpster” and how “Crossfit is gay,” then fan the flames for entertainment’s sake by doubling down on their inanity. There are moments ofuproarious, absurd, gut-busting idiocy. There are ideology-clarifying usernames (RICHSTRONG, MinisterOfLust, weightsb4dates, WishIWasJawBrah, MericaThatsWhy) and statement-making profile pictures (deliberately titillating yet invariably off-putting abdominal shots, monochromatic selfies, strategically underlit bicep closeups). There are trolls surely seething and/or laughing maniacally, their keystrokes like machine-gun fire, as they launch poorly punctuated ad-hominem attacks and, at their most destructive, encourage people to commit suicide. There are sexists, racists, xenophobes, and homophobes. There is the sense of being in a parochial, patriarchal madhouse where decorum has gone to die.

What emerges, when you spend enough time on the Misc., is a ghoulish portrait of a place that embodies the white, male id currently at the helm of S.S. America. The Misc. is a stone-faced Uncle Sam with Popeye’s forearms and a cocked pistol in each hand. It’s a screeching bald eagle with a foreign Bad Thing in its talons. It’s everything that defines America’s bro culture, magnified and weaponized. But it’s deeper than that.

“Bro-merican” culture is largely defined by the stratification of power and status, both real and imagined. So, too, is Bodybuilding.com, where a power imbalance is embedded in the structure and design of the site’s forums. Unlike on 4chan, where all posts are anonymous and ephemeral, or on Reddit, where the grand sum of a user’s upvotes has little value, Bodybuilding.com members’ reputation points, or “reps,” mediate and deeply influence community interactions. While reps are similar to Facebook likes—weighted such that getting either “repped” or “negged” by a user with hundreds of thousands of reps will drastically affect your own rep count—they function as the Misc.’s de facto currency. Your rep count is displayed next to your every post. It’s like your bank account balance flashing on your forehead whenever you speak.

Bullying by those with power (high-rep Miscers) and obsequiousness by those without it (low-rep Miscers) is rampant. Getting negged by a high-rep Miscer means potentially becoming a “red,” a user with negative reputation points, displayed beneath your username as a gradated red bar as jarring as a stop sign. If you’re a red, you’re a second-class citizen. Your posts might as well come with a disclosure: “I’m a worthless idiot. Please listen to absolutely nothing I say.”

The opinions and caprices of high-rep “green” Miscers, then, dictate the forum’s personality. Any Miscer brave enough to post contrarian ideas—including, and especially, those that are liberal and feminist—is often negged into oblivion. Bad joke misses the mark? Negged. Sincere comment comes off as sarcastic? Negged. The Misc. is an echo chamber in which “greens” are given a megaphone and a gun.

But in contrast with Reddit and 4chan, the Misc. has been filtered through and molded by bodybuilding subculture, a set of beliefs and customs rooted in the many manifestations of stereotypical masculinity: egotism, aggression, hypersexuality, über-competitiveness, entitlement. Insecurity, intolerance, misogyny. Bodybuilding, after all, is not about functional strength but about vanity and surface appearances, how masculinity is projected to the world. It fosters narcissism by trading in cosmetic superlatives: the highest bicep peaks, the most vascular calves, the most extreme V-shaped back.

The Misc. applies this dog-eat-dog frame of mind to every topic. Everything is a masculinity- or dick-measuring contest. Including, of course, the actual dick-measuring contests, because Miscers are nothing if not cripplingly aware of their own inadequate manhood. Swears and slurs are censored but their creatively misspelled phonetic workarounds are not, which makes for a forum full of “kunts” talking “chit” and menacingly telling each other to “pepper your angus” (prepare your anus). The most recurrent insults all concern perceived masculinity, or lack thereof. “U mad bro?,” a popular retort, juxtaposes one-of-the-guys slang with the notion that showing emotion means demonstrating debilitating weakness. A real bro doesn’t get mad, he only gets testosterone-fueled revenge.

Near the bottom of the masculinity totem pole are “low-T beta manlets”—that is, short, shy, effeminate guys. Lower down are “phaggots,” a word that gets tossed around the Misc. like salt at a Sichuan restaurant. Lest any Miscer think you’re a “phucking phaggot,” all posts about personal care, fashion, home decoration, or how to look like a certain actor/model/bodybuilder are appended with “no homo.” Yet shaky Misc. logic dictates that even if you’re a gay man, there’s still someone you genetically out-alpha and who is, therefore, below you: a woman.

While the entire internet is teeming with horny men whose dark loneliness and insecurity wears the cloak of misogyny, they seem to be especially vocal, and in especially high numbers, on the Misc. Every other thread is a depressing question (“Think she’s faithful to him?”) or a charged statement (“Drunk Sex > Sober Sex”) about women—their bodies, hitting on them, their innate tendency to cheat—and sex—where to find it, how to go “no contact” after having it, why she is fucking him.

The Misc.’s ties to PUA (pickup artist) forums and Reddit’s /r/TheRedPill, a perniciously misogynist, anti-feminist Reddit community dedicated to “discussing sexual strategy in a culture increasingly lacking a positive identity for men,” are as well documented as they are unsurprising. One of PUA’s most frequent suggestions is to acquire “inner game,” or self-confidence through self-improvement. Miscers, being on what is ultimately a bodybuilding forum, have inverted that mantra—they’re going from the outside in. Look good, feel good.

Other elements of the manosphere, from cries of societal misandry to sexual techniques like kino escalation and shit-testing, permeate the Misc. All women are “thirsty sloots” to be conquered, their emotions and physical well-being to be toyed with for internet strangers’ entertainment. When, to the forum’s delight, a Miscer posts about a sexual conquest in lurid detail—a surefire way to rack up the reps—the verbs employed are barbaric: “took down,” “smashed,” “hit.” To have “oneitis,” or an obsessive and unrequited crush on one woman, is to be afflicted with a masculinity-destroying emotional disease, one that can be cured, naturally, by sexually subjugating another woman. Regardless of whether a Miscer is successful or is rejected in the pursuit of sex, the response is the same: “Sloots gonna sloot.”

Despite the Misc.’s obsession with women, it has the latent homoeroticism you’d expect of a website devoted to a male-dominated sport in which bronzed, muscled competitors get smeared with oil and put on thongs before preening onstage in front of other men. This is no more obvious than when discussing a “Chad.” While there is a 5,000-post thread asking what, exactly, defines a Chad, the consensus is that he’s shorthand for a tall, built, strong-jawed, big-dicked, thick-haired, financially successful, athletic, confident, funny, sociable man who, because of these eminently desirable qualities, has his pick of the XX-chromosome litter. You look at a Chad and say, “This guy fucks.” (The prototypical Miscer might be a “Sheldon,” minus any TV-driven connotations of high-level intelligence.) Rob “Gronk” Gronkowski is a stone-cold Chad. Chad Johnson of The Bachelor is a Chad, and not just in name. It’s no accident that “Chad” is one of the most generically white and straight names imaginable, nor that archetypal Chads are nearly always white and straight. The etymological origin of the name Chad is the Welsh word cad, meaning “battle,” a fact that would surely delight Miscers to no end.

The Misc.’s resident Chad is an Australian bodybuilder known by his Bodybuilding.com handle, Zyzz. In early 2010, Zyzz began regularly detailing his “aesthetic” lifestyle on the Misc. As the so-called and self-proclaimed “king of aesthetics,” and with the zingy catchphrases “U mirin’ brah?” and “U jelly?,” Zyzz became the preeminent demigod of the Misc., where he and his “Aesthetics Crew,” acolytes similarly lacking in shirts, body fat, and social grace, were #bodygoals and #squadgoals come to life. Pictures and videosof Zyzz fist-pumping shirtless in public, wrapping his tanned arms low around the waists of nipple-pastied ravers at festivals, adopting a Herculean pose while standing in a shopping cart—these were the icons of the Misc. religion. When Zyzz died of a heart attack in 2011 at the age of twenty-two, his death became the sixth-most-searched death-related topic in Australia that year. His Facebook page, still regularly updated, has over 400,000 likes.

Zyzz’s masculinity showed itself in vain but harmless demonstrations of grandiosity, but other headline-making Miscers have expressed theirs through violence and morally indefensible acts. Gable Tostee first became a Misc. star by posting screenshots of his Tinder and text conversations with women he “rooted,” or had sex with; he entered Misc. lore after creating an ill-advised thread titled “Regarding the balcony tragedy” in the wake of news that one of his Tinder dates had been found dead from a fall from his apartment balcony. (Tostee was later acquitted of murder and manslaughter.) A Miscer known as YaBoyDave secretly filmed himself having sex with women—“whale-smashing,” in Misc. parlance—and posted the videos on the Misc.; he served 10 months in jail and is now a registered sex offender.

Still worse was Luka Magnotta, a wannabe model whose desperately misguided attempts at fame led him to asphyxiate kittens on camera and, later, live stream the brutal murder and dismemberment of a Chinese student while music from American Psycho played in the background; he was arrested at an internet café in Berlin, alternately surfing for pornography and reading news stories about himself, and it was later revealed that he’d posted on the Misc. Most infamously, Elliot Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter, was active on the Misc., starting threads like “Why do girls hate me so much?” and “I’m tired of seeing losers with hot chicks.” In the latter thread, he recalled being “disturbed and offended” by seeing a “short, ugly Indian guy driving a Honda Civic” with a “hot blonde girl in his passenger seat.” It’s the bro’s classic sense of entitlement: Why should someone less masculine than me have what I know I deserve?

Miscers reaching toxic masculinity’s most violent nadir are mercifully few and far between. Yet the obvious connection between these people is one shared by the vast majority of the Misc. They’re young, white men whose social and sex lives are marked by absence or humiliating rejection, and their worldviews have likely been shaped by those failures. Rodger, for one, admitted in his autobiographical manifesto to having “never even kissed a girl.” He was an “incel,” or involuntarily celibate. “Not getting any sex,” he wrote, “is what will shape the very foundation of my miserable youth.”

A pervasive negative sense of self, of disappointment about one’s past and simultaneous anxiety and hopelessness for one’s future, is to the Misc. what the iceberg was to the Titanic: visible if you know to look for it, destructive if you don’t, and lurking below the surface all the same

The running joke about Miscers is that they’re all sad, awkward, forever-alone virgins who don’t lift and are on the only non-fitness-oriented section of a bodybuilding website because they can’t get their shit together. It’s revealing that one of the Misc.’s celebrities—there’s a 24,000-word condensed version of his “saga” on a fan-made website dedicated to him—is a weird, often clueless Everyman. He’s neither egregiously out of shape nor conventionally “aesthetic,” and his videos show a distinct lack of social awareness, a trait cultivated, presumably, by a life spent behind a computer screen and under a barbell.

Users of other Bodybuilding.com sections and other internet communities entirely propagate this idea of the Misc. as a cesspool of beta males with hopelessly futile aspirations of being alpha. “They have to be some of the most insecure dudes out there,” a Hypebeast forum user said of Miscers. On another forum, a user wrote that the Misc. is “filled with people [who] make fun of autism, while at the same time they themselves complain about their jobs, women, etc.”

More often, however, the call is coming from inside the house. Miscers reveal their vulnerabilities and problems in earnest with critically self-aware, self-deprecating posts. There are countless threads about “beta” topics like being a virgin (a Google search of site:bodybuilding.com “virgin” yields nearly 70,000 results), undergoing hair loss, not knowing how to normally interact with women, and giving up entirely. The Misc.’sRelationships and Relationships Help sub-forum would be more aptly titled “Sex: Help.” The “Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part III” thread is “stickied” by moderators at the top of the Misc., indicating that it resonates with the community; “Part II,” before it got so long that a new thread had to be created, had 10,000 posts and 1.6 million views. After the two aforementioned pornographic threads of “petite/slim girls” and “athletic girls,” the most-viewed Misc. threads are one about “Beta/cringe” moments of social awkwardness and another that documents the 350-pound weight-loss journey of a Miscer named Wetbreasts. For many Miscers, undoubtedly, browsing those threads is either motivational or like looking in a mirror. Or both.

It might appear counterintuitive that unconfident, sex-deprived, socially awkward young men would congregate—by the millions—on a bodybuilding website. But that paradox is precisely what’s responsible for the Misc.’s enduring allure.

It goes like this: A young guy thinks that improving his body will improve himself, that lifting weights will make him more confident, which will make girls like him more, which will make him happier, which will get him laid. And so on. In search of guidance, he finds Bodybuilding.com, where, after analyzing fat-to-ripped or skinny-to-jacked transformation stories, he ends up on the most popular part of the website: the Misc. But in the Misc. he finds a different kind of self-help: a vibrant, active community of like-minded guys. Guys who’ve felt inadequate and lonely and somehow less than manly, who’ve struggled with women and friends and money and body image, who’ve laughed at internet jokes and self-referential image macros that no one found funny, much less comprehensible, in real life. With a newfound sense of solidarity, this young guy wades deeper into the Misc., a community that gets him, his worldview increasingly shaped by this bodybuilding subculture, his mind warped by the community’s devil-may-care, “LOL, nothing matters” ethos.

It’s this last quality of the Misc. that Miscers themselves most readily use to characterize the forum. They see the stupidity of getting worked up over little green internet squares. They don’t take themselves seriously—it’s a motley crew of dudes on a bodybuilding site, bro—so nor should anyone else. Their attitude, one adopted from the bro culture with which they’re intertwined, is predicated on actions not having consequences. Break shit and someone else will pay for it. Get blind drunk, scream offensive things in public, and your boys will carry you home. Sexually harass or assault a woman, more than one woman, dozens of women, and you’ll still be revered, promoted, elected. You’re just “bro-ing out,” man, be easy, be chill, have a beer, have a protein shake.

“bro that forum is a fucking laugh man, just need a sense of humour,” a Hypebeast forum user wrote, in a thread titled, “The misc section of the bodybuilding forums is full of clowns.” If you’re young, white, and male, with a sense of humor shaped by the internet and a sense of privilege shaped by, well, everything else, the Misc.’s “clowns” can certainly be hilarious. But the further you are from that in-group, the more those clowns start to look like a horde of disturbing, misogynistic Pennywises.

Zyzz was once your standard insecure teenager with bad hair and spaghetti-thin arms. “I remember feeling like a little bitch when I was out with girls, walking next to them and feeling the same size as them,” he said in an interview. Becoming “aesthetic” hid a profound insecurity. His no-fucks-given attitude hid a fierce desire to be wanted.

Miscers see only the mirage. To them, Zyzz was living, walking, flexing proof that an average guy could eventually open the door to the HBB-filled alpha-male kingdom by gaining confidence and an aesthetically pleasing body. But the king is no more. And not every guy in search of personal fulfillment finds the key to that door by picking up a barbell. Not every young, white male who’d otherwise troll Reddit or 4chan becomes, through bodybuilding, the type of bro who doesn’t spend time on internet forums because he’s too busy crushing it, whatever “it” is, in real life. The Misc.—an online fraternity of the average and awkward, a safe space of the resentful and lustful and doubtful—is for the bros still searching.

Journey to Awakening

by Judy Lief

MAPS

I have always been fascinated by maps. In grade school, when we were introduced to map reading and map making, it seemed so magical that the world and its complexity could be represented by pictures and diagrams on a simple sheet of paper. It was amazing that if you followed the directions on the map you would actually be able to get somewhere, even if you had never been there before. It got even better when I discovered that I could send off a cereal-box coupon and receive in the mail a genuine pirate’s map leading to a chest of buried treasure. These sepia maps, ancient looking and burned on the edges, led me to believe that I could follow such a map to the point where “X marks the spot.”

There are many kinds of maps. We create internal maps without even being aware of doing so, mapping our physical, emotional, and mental realities. By means of a map, you can find your way back to where you started without getting lost. A map can lead you to someplace new or give your friends a way to find you. Maps give us directions on how to proceed. They provide a feeling of security and are a defense against bewilderment and disorientation. It is a relief to be able to look at a map and see where you are. It is a relief to know that you are somewhere specific, that you came from somewhere and that there is somewhere to go.

JOURNEYS

Journeys are challenging. We leave our familiar home and enter new territory. How do we know what to do and where to go? Embarking on a spiritual journey is like this. The new spiritual terrain can seem to be a kind of terra incognita, scary and possibly overrun by monsters. We are afraid we might get lost and not be able to find our way forward or back. We are on a treasure hunt, but we don’t know where to look. If we have the right map, we might be able to find that buried treasure, even if it has been underground for many years.

On the spiritual journey, it is possible to get stuck and not really go anywhere. It is also possible to be swept along so rapidly that we lose our bearings. If we have no map, we might drift about aimlessly and go round in circles. But if our trip is overly scripted, there will be no room for personal discoveries. It would be like signing up for a package tour in which every point of interest has been spelled out in advance. So we need the right kind of map, one that gives us a sense of direction and an overview of where we are going but also leaves room for us to explore. Along with a general map of the territory, we need a good guide for our journey who can point the way. This guide should have explored the region so thoroughly that he or she no longer needs an external map. Their familiarity with the terrain is so thorough that they have developed a kind of internal map, like an inner instinctual compass. But although they no longer need a map themselves, such guides recognise the value of maps for newcomers, as well as the limitations of relying on maps.

On my own journey, I have been fortunate to encounter both a guide and a map. In my case, the guide is the late Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the terrain is Vajrayana Buddhism, and the map is the teachings on the stages of the path.

VEHICLES

In the Vajrayana tradition, one’s journey can be described in terms of three main vehicles, or yanas. The first is the path of individual liberation, the second is the Mahayana path of greater openness and compassion, and the third is the Vajrayana path of indestructible wakefulness. Each yana has its own integrity and completeness, and at the same time they form a unified system. Although any one of the three can be studied and practiced separately, the path of individual liberation, Mahayana, and Vajrayana are in fact expressions of a single path.

The dynamic nature of this model is exemplified by the use of the term yana, vehicle, rather than more static terms such as steps or stages. When you get into a vehicle, you definitely expect it to move along and carry you forward. Likewise, in the three-yana journey you are continually moving forward. There is an organic quality to the three-yana progression, in the sense that with a little care each experience on the spiritual path naturally evolves and grows. At the same time, as you progress along the path, you do not drop the previous yana as you move on to the next one.

Vajrayana teachers also liken the three yanas to building a house. Here, the yana of individual liberation provides the foundation, the connection with the Earth. There is no way to build a solid house without a foundation — it is what you build first, and it is the ballast or support for the whole structure. But a foundation alone is not a house; you need walls and windows and doors. This is like the Mahayana, for it provides the possibility of hospitality and a means of communication and exchange with the world. And finally, of course, you need a roof. You need shelter and protection and the kind of adornment that brings the whole picture together. That roof is the Vajrayana.

This straightforward and systematic guide for practitioners is a great benefit of the Tibetan tradition. The set of teachings by Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche, titled The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma, presents the three-yana teachings as the framework for deepening and refining the study and practice of the dharma. Trungpa Rinpoche placed great emphasis on these teachings and presented them in many individual talks and in public seminars. He came back to this topic again and again, and most notably, he used the three yanas as the structure for every one of the three-month-long Vajradhatu Seminaries he led for his most senior students. The Profound Treasury presents these teachings to the public for the first time.

THE YANA OF INDIVIDUAL LIBERATION

Before you can figure out the map of dharma, you first have to know where you are. The yana of individual liberation is like the spot on the map that says “You are here.” It is where you begin. This is the yana that introduces the fundamental principles and practices of the Buddhist tradition. These key insights are the foundation of the Buddhist path altogether and the underpinning of the subsequent two yanas.

VIEW

In the path of individual liberation, you examine your view of yourself, your actions, and the world around you. You contemplate the nature of your own identity and discover that your seemingly solid self is in fact not all that solid. You see that sensations and experiences arise and fall continually, but if you try to find what holds them all together, you come up empty-handed. And as your own solidity begins to be questionable, you also begin to have doubts about the so-called solid world outside. There is a softening of the pain of alienation and the split between I and other.

In this yana, you also look more deeply into your actions and habits and their consequences. You examine the attitudes and actions that have brought you up to this point and take a hard look at where they will inevitably lead you in the future. You gain respect for how small actions can have big effects. By looking closely into these patterns, you can distinguish where and why you are stuck and where and how there might be openings for change.

This is the yana of personal responsibility. You begin to see your own role in creating the thought habits and emotional tangles that entrap you. You realise how much of what seems to be out there or coming at you is your own projections bouncing back at you.

This yana has a quality of purity and no nonsense, which can be summed up by the Buddha’s teaching on the four noble truths: suffering, its cause, its cessation, and the path to liberation. The reality of suffering, and the many subtle expressions of suffering underlying our ordinary experiences of pain and pleasure, is not that easy to understand or accept. It is like we are addicted to dysfunctional living, so we keep telling ourselves it can’t really be all that bad. But maybe it is that bad, and once we take an interest in that possibility, we are beginning to move along. We are awakening our inquisitiveness. That leads us to explore what might be causing our suffering, and we discover the destructive power of ignorance and grasping. This is the truth of the cause of suffering.

The brilliance of this teaching is that right away it gives you something to work with. Instead of dreaming of how things might be or should be, you begin simply with what is right in front of you. You begin to make a transition from feeling victimised: you see that since you are actually responsible for your situation, you yourself can change it. So instead of despairing that “you made your bed, now lie in it,” it is more like “you made your bed, so you can unmake it as well.” This is the third noble truth — cessation, the possibility of freedom. And finally, with great practicality, the Buddha gave detailed instructions on how to move forward. This is the path, the fourth noble truth.

MEDITATION

Like the view of path of individual liberation, which is the foundation for the entire path, the meditation practices of this yana continue right through the Mahayana and Vajrayana. The central practices are twofold, shamatha and vipashyana—mindfulness and awareness.

Basically, shamatha is the practice of taming the mind; it is a stilling and settling of the mind. Vipashyana means “clear seeing,” and it has two aspects. There is an inquisitive, investigative component, and also a direct perceptual component that comes when the mind relaxes and opens out. Both shamatha and vipashyana are ways of gaining sophistication about the working of your own mind and the play of thoughts and emotions. As a result, you are less captured by your opinions and judgments and not so easily overwhelmed by the intensities of your emotions. There is a quality of kindness and self-acceptance.

ACTION

The yana of individual liberation is all about slowing down and simplifying. There is a paring down of experience at all levels, with fewer distractions, fewer thoughts, less drama, fewer entanglements. When you act simply, with mindfulness, your actions have more power. You speak when something needs to be said, and you act when action is needed. You are learning how to be, and you manifest the power of simple genuine presence.

In the yana of individual liberation, there is also a quality of restraint. You practice the discipline of refraining from harmful actions. Because you are less caught in speediness of mind, you can recognise the arising of impulsive, negative action and nip it in the bud.

The view, practice, and action of the path of individual liberation set you on the path of dharma. They help you build the mental, emotional, and meditative health you need to grow in your dharmic understanding and realisation. They prepare you well for the journey.

MAHAYANA : THE BODHISATTVA PATH OF WISDOM AND COMPASSION

The Mahayana is a natural outgrowth of the yana of individual liberation. It is the simplifying and paring down of the path of individual liberation that makes the expansiveness of Mahayana possible. Doing the hard work of investigating your own nature and your preconceptions about the world changes you in significant ways. You become more self-accepting, gentler, more real and genuine. When you have become a better friend to yourself, you are ready to be a better friend to others.

VIEW

In the Mahayana you see yourself as inextricably connected with all other beings, and because of that your individual path expands and broadens. Your training in the yana of individual liberation has brought you to the point where you sense the underlying inclination of all beings to awaken, and you gain more confidence in your own potential. At the same time, you recognise that focusing on your own development is not enough. You cannot be free from suffering if you know that others around you are still suffering.

So the awareness you have cultivated through sitting practice makes it hard to ignore the suffering of others, and it gives birth to greater empathy and compassion. Likewise, the silence and stillness cultivated in your shamatha practice gives birth to a sense of vastness, openness, and continual expansion. This wide-open quality, since it is free of deception or any boundaries, concepts, or limits, is referred to as emptiness, or shunyata.

MEDITATION

The practice of sitting meditation continues to be important in the Mahayana. But in addition to the cultivation of mindfulness and awareness, there is an emphasis on the cultivation of the heart and on meditation in action.

The term “meditation” usually refers to more formless practices, such as placing attention on the breathing process. But once the mind is somewhat settled, you can engage in a variety of contemplative exercises as a mindful way of reflecting on a particular subject. This kind of reflection could be about obstacles you need to overcome or it could be about qualities you aspire to cultivate.

In one traditional contemplation, you contemplate the qualities of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity, known as the four immeasurables. This is not done in a dry or abstract way; you aspire to tap in to the limitless energy of each of these benevolent emotions and direct it outward to beings near and far. So at one and the same time, you are deepening your understanding of these four qualities and you are evoking them on the spot.

Perhaps the most well-known Mahayana practice is that of tonglen, sending and taking. This practice is also referred to as exchanging yourself for others. It is a radical reversal of the habit of putting oneself before others; in this practice, others come first. When others are experiencing difficulty or pain, you breathe that in; when joy or confidence arises within, you breathe that out to benefit others. You practice tonglen in relation to your own mental emotional process and you practice this in relation to others, starting with those closest to you and extending from there. Tonglen practice challenges our sense of territory, limits, and boundaries; it confronts us with the limits of our thoughts, and the limits of our love and compassion for ourselves and other beings.

In the Mahayana, the practice of tonglen is complemented by the ongoing practice of bringing wisdom and compassion into our ordinary, everyday encounters. This is called meditation in action. Formal practices are like basic training, but the test of that training is how it manifests in your daily life. It is easy to be compassionate in theory, but putting it into practice is not so easy. So along with tonglen practice, you can work with a set of Mahayana slogans called lojong (mind training) that serve as pointed reminders to continue the cultivation of loving-kindness and compassion in the midst of daily life. These powerful little slogans will not let you off the hook.

Although such Mahayana practices as tonglen have become popular, Mahayana wisdom practices are equally important. In the Madhyamaka, or middle way approach, you work with a sophisticated system of logical reasonings to deconstruct your ego-clinging and fixed views about reality. These cut off any escape from immediate experience and leave you groundless, in a kind of no-man’s-land. Although this might sound desolate or devastating, it is simply the pain of emergence from the constraints of our fear and ego-clinging.

A related practice is the systematic contemplation of the different aspects of emptiness. Once again, you are using reasoning mind to realise the nonconceptual. You do so with such diligence, putting so much energy and fuel into the project, that eventually the struggling conceptual mind simply burns itself out.

ACTION

In the yana of individual liberation you cultivated the discipline of restraint, of refraining from harmful actions. On that basis you can afford to extend yourself. In the Mahayana, your discipline is not only to limit harmful actions but to increase activities that are of benefit to yourself and others. You are challenged to push beyond your comfort zone and be willing to engage fully with the world.

The notion of virtuous action in the Mahayana has great depth. Six fundamental principles serve as guidelines: generosity, discipline, patience, exertion, meditation, and knowledge. These are known as the six transcendent perfections, or paramitas. There is constant interplay among these six and a variety of checks and balances. And underlying all of them is the basic Mahayana principle of putting others before yourself.

There is a subtlety in the approach to action in the Mahayana. If you are attached to the idea of being virtuous, if you are fixated on results, if you want a pat on the back, it is no longer real virtue. You may accomplish a certain level of benefit, but if your actions are less tainted by those kinds of concerns, you can accomplish much more. Without that kind of residue, there is a lightness and humour in your actions, as well as great depth and power.

VAJRAYANA: THE TANTRIC PATH OF INDESTRUCTIBLE WAKEFULNESS

The third and final yana is the Vajrayana, which is also known as tantra. It is the natural fruition of the groundwork laid by the path of individual liberation, and the expansion of the path in the Mahayana. In the three-yana system, the Vajrayana is the fruition, the endpoint, yet it is also a continuation of what has come before. The Vajrayana does not leave the path of individual liberation and the Mahayana behind; it incorporates the views and practices of the previous two yanas and builds on them.

You gather your energy in the yana of individual liberation and extend out in the Mahayana. In the Vajrayana you dive into reality completely. When you dive in without hesitation, the world is seen as sacred, and your ordinary vision is transformed into sacred outlook. At this point you are already steeped in the view and practices of the buddhadharma, so the time has come to fully manifest what you have learned. It is the Vajrayana that shows you how to do that, and so it is known as the yana of skillful means.

VIEW

In the Vajrayana your view is expansive. It is as if you have been trudging along a mountain trail for miles and miles and finally reach the top, where at long last you have a chance to see the entire panorama. You experience your ordinary world in a fresh way and the most mundane experiences are seen to be infused with sacredness. The Vajrayana view is nontheistic, yet you experience this sacred world as filled with deities, filled with teachers and teaching, filled with symbolism. In the Vajrayan you being to touch in to a realm of boundless space that is both luminous and empty, accommodating birth and death, samsara and nirvana, all phenomena.

MEDITATION

Vajrayana practices can be divided into those with form and those that are more formless. Naturally, the foundation for embarking on these advanced practices is your training in shamatha and vipashyana, and in the Mahayana mind training and compassion practices.

Visualisation practices make use of the mind’s natural tendency to form pictures. In visualisation practice you create an image in your mind of a deity, and you evoke the wisdom and power of that deity, identifying the deity with those qualities in your own nature. Visualisation practices are done in the context of liturgies, or sadhanas, that include meditation, the recitation of mantras, and ritual gestures, or mudras. In tantra, there are many deities representing different types of realisation. For instance, Avalokiteshvara represents compassion and Manjushri represents wisdom. However, it is important to understand that these deities are unlike more well-known theistic concepts, such as a creator God. Tantric deities are luminous yet empty, and they arise and dissolve out of emptiness in the process of visualisation. They embody our own enlightened nature.

Vajrayana formless practice is the epitome of simplicity and relaxation. This experience is sometimes referred to as being like an old dog. There is a carefree, confident, and nonstriving approach to meditation and a letting go of pretense. Trungpa Rinpoche talked about this as being content to be the lowest of the low. There is an exhaustion of egoic ambition.

Vajrayana practices are meant to be transmitted directly by an accomplished master to students who are well-trained and prepared to enter into them fully. They are not taken up casually. The personal relationship between teacher and student is paramount. The meeting of the dedication of the teacher and the devotion of the students provides the essential spark for Vajrayana practices to take root.

ACTION

Vajrayana action, like that of the previous yanas, is based on wisdom and compassion. It has its root in mindfulness and awareness. But at this level, compassionate activity becomes more radical, even wrathful, and totally uncompromising. Such action is described as having four forms or energies: pacifying, enriching, magnetising, and destroying. There is a no-nonsense approach to obstacles, and a determination to clear away fearlessly anything that threatens to undermine one’s progress on the path to the realisation of the sacred, wakeful nature of reality.

In the Vajrayana we recognise that physical gestures, sounds and utterances, and thoughts are all gateways to awakening and should be worked with and respected. We see that all aspects of our experience, and the environment as a whole, are workable on the path to enlightenment. The Vajrayana is a complete world. Once you enter it, every action becomes a message of the teaching. There is no boundary and nowhere to hide.

TREASURE

The three-yana journey I have been describing is not a linear journey. You repeatedly circle back to the beginning and start over again. Each time you think you have reached a break- through, you find that there is further to go, and it becomes clear that an accomplishment at one level can become an obstacle at the next. However, you keep going, drawn by the lure of the treasure, the promise of awakening, the yearning for freedom. If you follow the map with enough persistence, maybe you will find it. There it will be: X marks the spot. Or maybe the search itself is the treasure. Maybe you have been carrying the treasure with you all along.

A key aspect of Mahayana practice is that you continually bring compassion and wisdom into balance. There is no real wisdom without compassion, and no real compassion without wisdom. Fundamentally the two are inseparable, but it is possible to lose that balance, so it must continually be restored.

“Age, Race, Class, and Sex: Women Redefining Difference” by Audre Lorde

“MUCH OF WESTERN EUROPEAN history conditions us to see human differences in simplistic opposition to each other: dominant/subordinate, good/bad, up/down, superior/inferior. In a society where the good is defined in terms of profit rather than in terms of human need, there must always be some group of people who, through systematized oppression, can be made to feel surplus, to occupy the place of the dehumanized inferior. Within this society, that group is made up of Black and Third World people, working-class people, older people, and women.”

“Traditionally, in american society, it is the members of oppressed, objectified groups who are expected to stretch out and bridge the gap between the actualities of our lives and the consciousness of our oppressor. For in order to survive, those of us for whom oppression is as american as apple pie have always had to be watchers, to become familiar with the language and manners of the oppressor, even sometimes adopting them for some illusion of protection. Whenever the need for some pretense of communication arises, those who profit from our oppression call upon us to share our knowledge with them. In other words, it is the responsibility of the oppressed to teach the oppressors their mistakes. I am responsible for educating teachers who dismiss my children’s culture in school. Black and Third World people are expected to educate white people as to our humanity. Women are expected to educate men. Lesbians and gay men are expected to educate the heterosexual world. The oppressors maintain their position and evade responsibility for their own actions. There is a constant drain of energy which might be better used in redefining ourselves and devising realistic scenarios for altering the present and constructing the future.

Institutionalized rejection of difference is an absolute necessity in a profit economy which needs outsiders as surplus people. As members of such an economy, we have all been programmed to respond to the human differences between us with fear and loathing and to handle that difference in one of three ways: ignore it, and if that is not possible, copy it if we think it is dominant, or destroy it if we think it is subordinate. But we have no patterns for relating across our human differences as equals. As a result, those differences have been misnamed and misused in the service of separation and confusion.”

“Too often, we pour the energy needed for recognizing and exploring difference into pretending those differences are insurmountable barriers, or that they do not exist at all. This results in a voluntary isolation, or false and treacherous connections. Either way, we do not develop tools for using human difference as a springboard for creative change within our lives. We speak not of human difference, but of human deviance.”

“Somewhere, on the edge of consciousness, there is what I call a mythical norm, which each one of us within our hearts knows “that is not me.” In america, this norm is usually defined as white, thin, male, young, heterosexual, christian, and financially secure. It is with this mythical norm that the trappings of power reside within this society. ”

“Some problems we share as women, some we do not. You fear your children will grow up to join the patriarchy and testify against you, we fear our children will be dragged from a car and shot down in the street, and you will turn your backs upon the reasons they are dying.”

“As a Black lesbian feminist comfortable with the many different ingredients of my identity, and a woman committed to racial and sexual freedom from oppression, I find I am constantly being encouraged to pluck out some one aspect of myself and present this as the meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of self. But this is a destructive and fragmenting way to live. My fullest concentration of energy is available to me only when I integrate all the parts of who I am, openly, allowing power from particular sources of my living to flow back and forth freely through all my different selves, without the restrictions of externally imposed definition. Only then can I bring myself and my energies as a whole to the service of those struggles which I embrace as part of my living.”

“For we have, built into all of us, old blueprints of expectation and response, old structures of oppression, and these must be altered at the same time as we alter the living conditions which are a result of those structures. For the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”

“As Paulo Freire shows so well in The Pedagogy of the Oppressed,* the true focus of revolutionary change is never merely the oppressive situations which we seek to escape, but that piece of the oppressor which is planted deep within each of us, and which knows only the oppressors’ tactics, the oppressors’ relationships.”