#feel understand and process or even identify my emotions + I don't know how to handle the feelings that come with processing the | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deadandphilgames · 24 days

Text

A note from Daniel (new epilogue from You Will Get Through This Night)

Thank you for reading This Night. Writing this book in 2021, while sitting locked down in a lightless basement apartment for months, had a certain self-fulfilling irony that was not lost on me.

In many ways, I wrote this book for not only my past self that I wish could have known these things when I needed them most - but for the guy sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable, hunched, t-rex-esque position typing, that needed it right then. Like many of you, I thought those particularly fun couple of years were a temporary inconvenience, that I wouldn't have to age the book by diving into. And here we are. I hope you enjoyed that new chapter about resilience and whatever the hell a 'polycrisis' is. Turns out certain global events do have an additional effect on our mental health - it's understandable that you may try to power through it and pretend it never happened, but we all deserve to take whatever time we need to honestly process how life makes us feel. I hope you're doing alright. My journey of reflecting honestly on my own life experiences and lifestyle while writing was …like spontaneously punching yourself in the stomach. "Wow. I really live like this? That is apparently not conducive to a healthy mind. Oops. Guess I'll go touch some grass." I'm happy if that made this a more entertaining read occasionally.

Even now, I find myself continually re-reading the book in those small moments of first emotional reaction to situations where I now at least think "Wait - what was I supposed to do here? Right. Not catastrophise." If this is you - that is fine. You are not expected to perfectly memorise this book or retain all knowledge you hear in life. I know I don't. If you're ever sat next to me in the emergency exit aisle of a plane, know that you may be required to physically throw me out of the door in order to inflate the slide because I was busy during the briefing, imagining how my life would have been different if I actually had the nerve to dye my hair black that time in school. I am at peace with that.

It was honestly terrifying for me to try and mine the content of my life to try and actually illustrate advice for people that may really need it …for me to honestly look at the balance between joking about my mental health, and really getting real. Hey - if your attempt at opening up via some humour comes out a bit offensive, you still get points for at least putting it on the table. That's progress.

This is not a book about me. I am here just as an example of terrible behaviour that you have permission to have an inappropriate public transport snort at, and as a writer who has repeatedly not finished traditional 'self-help' or scientific study books for being dry, unrelatable and preachy. I just hope you found this moist, identifiable and accepting of all of your beautiful flaws. So many flaws. I often worried if any of the material was maybe obvious, or something you could stumble across on the second page of Google - then I had a small moment of honesty with myself contemplating my own ignorance, commitment to procrastination, attention span …and the fact that factually just 0.63% of all people searching online, ever bother clicking to the second page of results. If you already knew some of this, good for you. Honestly. You must literally be happy with yourself. I'm just looking in the mirror and trying to do something for the 99.37% of humanity that spend their lives never successfully researching how to not lay awake at night fantasising about their doom. Look forward to the upcoming pocket size book of 'offensively self-destructive jokes' by Dan - or 700-page memoir of my yet un-girthy, mostly unremarkable life so far if that's what you're really looking for.

Perhaps the most terrifying result of releasing this book into the world, has been coming face to face with those of you that have read it. For in these moments, all of my protective self-deprecating persona comes crashing down in an instant when someone says this book made them feel better. Hearing that this book was the first time they finished anything tangentially related to self-improvement, or that just one thing they read was a new perspective on a part of their life they needed, makes me feel my mission in life is already complete. Seeing it be recommended by bookstores amongst all the other choices, hearing that people have shared it with their therapists or had it suggested to them by a professional, is an unbelievable seal of approval that I appreciate. I am so inarticulably grateful to have been given the opportunity to do anything that could make your life easier, more peaceful, more enjoyable. I've met people who annotated this book with post-its, told me they listen to audiobook exercises on their commute - and even a few people that have had illustrations tattooed onto them as a symbolic reminder of a message.

All of this puts that year of typing like some kind of infinite monkey at a typewriter into perspective. I'd do it all again. Mostly. It has been the greatest privilege of my life to be the guy whose name is printed on this book, and I just hope that reading it helped you, as much as writing it helped me.

Love and good luck.

- Dan

#ywgttn #ywgttn spoilers #i guess? mental health spoilers is a funny concept #love and good luck <3333 #also. look forward to a 700 page memoir. dont play with me like that daniel #dan and phil #daniel howell

363 notes · View notes

earthytzipi · 1 year

Text

hm. gotta be honest, i don't understand why people characterize donnie as hiding his emotions in fandom. I feel like, maybe it's just a misunderstanding of autism in general? so here, have an internet-speak version of a character analysis:

first, you guys need to know that alexithymia makes it so you're not processing your emotions. which can fool you into thinking you don't have them at all, even if you're actively demonstrating emotions. and this can contribute to flat affect, especially if you only have a flat affect on occasion.

I would not say it's common for people with alexithymia to be deliberately hiding emotions. I'm not even sure it's possible for a lot of us, honestly. if all I can identify is "bad," at best, how am I supposed to smoothly hide my emotions behind an inscrutable expression? if that happens, it's not on purpose.

donnie definitely has alexithymia. see:

donnie has never once in canon tried to hide his emotions, at least to my knowledge. he never shows signs of being embarrassed by genuine emotion- surprised, maybe, but not embarrassed. hiding them is not something someone whose: "oh, uh, I'm really... sad?," the best he can do to mimic an emotion he's not feeling, would be able to do. he's canonically a terrible liar, too: "what??! I said mystic-free!!"

if nothing else, "I don't normally feel things but that one got through" should be an indicator that he's not hiding his emotions. it's, again, not that he isn't *having* them (he so is) but that he's not *processing* them as emotions.

I'm not sure if this is just another "allistic and autistic people have a serious communication barrier where both sides fail to understand the other," or what. I would just love to stop seeing that characterization in fandom 😅 also GIFS! to prove my point. a character who was unfeeling/deliberately hiding their emotions would not be like... this whole situation:

#rottmnt #donnie #character analysis #fandom #actually autistic #autistic #donatello #autistic donnie #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #alexithymia

648 notes · View notes

skayafair · 15 days

Text

Ep 1 Rewatch Notes

So I'm rewatching the 3rd time and want to note a few things I didn't realize before:

This:

where Edwin seemed so sure he won't need these self-defence techniques is followed by this ↓ the very same episode. No wonder it ends not well. Should have listened to ur mate, Edwin!

Edwin identifies the era Emma is from by her hairstyle and details of clothing and purse. Someone's been studying historical fashion huh~

When the boys banish the demon from Crystal in the underground, Charles looks mostly alright despite taking the most damage (apparently ghosts can very well feel things inflicted by other supernatural beings and forget that material hindrances like floor or a wall or a door shouldn't be an issue for them), while Edwin seems to be alarmed and breathes fast as if trying to calm down from panic. I guess it's not "as if".

Table soccer line on the wall is such a cute detail reminding they are still teenagers.

I didn't understand the bridge scene with "Like, I'm being mean to you. - What? Am I supposed to get mad?" properly before. I do now though. Chaaaarles 😭 I believe it's a mixed bag of him keeping up his "sunny" facade, being able to communicate to another teenager who's alive (as a connection to being alive and regret that he's dead) and liking Crystal. Damn, that's too sad(((

Charles knows Edwin sooooo well. I can't with this huge smile after "You're really gonna let a little american girl die?". He was 1000% sure Edwin would cave in.

"Edwin this woman has a big cleaver-" WHY are you asking Edwin about it Charles?! 🤦😂

Ooooh no oh no oh no. The first case they take is a missing girl one. Crystal is crying while reading the mother's mind. Of course the woman can think only of her lost daughter. And THEN we learn that Crystal's own mother didn't give a damn. DIdn't even know her daughter was missing. My turn to cry 😭

Wow Edwin looked like he was on the verge of tears when Crystal confessed she let David in willingly. Heavy stuff.

Gods the whole "our deaths didn't matter" scene is. Idk how it can hit harder the 3rd time - maybe because I'm paying more attention to the details and have already processed some of their meanings - but it does. A moment of involuntary vulnerability, a true connection, reluctant as it was, and. Edwin is not collected in the slightest. It's not just that his emotions blew up - he just can't control them at all. This whole case with David the Demon became a very strong trigger and Edwin simply could not handle it at all. Crystal can't handle it either, she has her own trauma in full bloom. It's such a fragile moment between them when they decide to set this issue aside, even though it's very much urgent for Crystal. And poor Charles who's used to being a fixer is so lost the whole time because his words don't work and he has no idea what to do. Say what you want but the 1st episode is CHARGED with emotionally strong scenes.

Charles had a beef with Monty from episode one I just can't- 😂

"Keep mocking me, crow. I'll make you my friend eventually. Everyone likes me". Oh well, he sort of succeeded!

#dead boy detectives

57 notes · View notes

circular-bircular · 3 days

Text

Now that I can finally sit down and take 10 minutes to write this post--

Earlier today, we finally dived into the littlescourse that's starting up again. I fucking despite littles discourse, but it's so important to talk about, especially since there are a lot of common misconceptions. So, I'm going to get my thoughts out under a cut.

Firstly, it's important to acknowledge that child parts and littles are not the same thing. Child parts are parts who are stuck in that trauma; stuck in that moment. They often split when you're that age yourself, and they still feel that age entirely.

We only loosely have a child part, and we don't indicate which of our 14 alters is that part.

Then we have littles. Little is a term used by the community to denote... a lot of things, honestly -- it has a fairly loose definition from what I've seen! The way I use it for my system is "Part that identifies as a child in spirit." That is because none of my parts are literally children; all of them can acknowledge we are 26, going on 27, and can accurately remember things. Only one part gets fuzzy on that, and that would be said child part.

Our littles are adults. Because I am an adult.

Now, to address some of what was said in the post from earlier (which I will not be linking, as I genuinely don't want to bother OP with this, but it's all things I feel need said):

something I HATE about syscords is that they have sections specifically for littles. they are CHILDREN. Why are you letting them have a place online?

I hate littles channels in syscords too, because often, my littles who curse, discuss severe trauma, and like to vent about adult matters are stuck with child parts. If your post is discussing child parts, then... I can understand some of your reservations, honestly! But I can also say, to each system their own -- maybe that system knows something I don't about how safe their child parts can be. I know I can let my child part talk in syscords without it being harmful for her, though we do keep a close eye.

I'm sorry, but caretakers in your system are there for your littles.

None of my caretakers look after my littles because our system only has three caretakers -- and two of them are our littles. We have Sie and LED, who are our emotional caretakers. The other caretaker is... Sie, but grown up -- Sierra. By your logic, my littles should be caretaking themselves! Which. They do.

Which, skipping around a bit, leads me to this point you made:

The fact that you let your littles participate in adult actions and they are "mature enough" when littles are there to heal your inner child that you LOST due to trauma makes me SO disturbed.

...

My littles aren't here to "heal the inner child that I lose due to trauma."

Straight up, that is not their job.

Sie's job is to help us understand that we can still have fun as an adult. She's there to remind us that childhood is how we define it, not how our parents did. She isn't there to 'heal our inner child' -- she's there to heal our inner adults.

LED's job is to regulate our emotions. We struggle with our distress, our fear, our shame. When it gets too much, he helps us to see the positive light in the world again. His job is also to process trauma and come to terms with what we've gone through in a healthy manner; learning how to grow up is his job.

And Gazi, her job is specifically related to Curtis's. Yknow. The sexual alter we have who we split to deal with our internalized homophobia and transphobia. Gazi, who is there to help him process his feelings. To help us all process our feelings, as we start to integrate more. She's newer, so it's hard for us to understand her role, but nowhere there do I feel "healing our inner child" fits.

Your system is not applicable to everyone. For instance, my system does not have an "inner child" who needs healed in that way, and even if we consider our one child part to need healing -- it wouldn't be their job!

Our mum (an adult, like you.) is a system and one of her littles isn't allowed to consent or have adult actions, you know why? BECAUSE THAT LITTLE IS A CHILD!!

Cool! My littles aren't like that. That was my point in my post.

Every system is different and I won't judge you for what you do. But the fact you openly say this shit on the internet as a GROWN ADULT makes me lose faith in the future for everyone.

This sounds a hell of a lot like judging me for what I do.

For most systems the littles chat is there for a reason and that's to protect them, especially if that system is a minor. Which in syscords, is mostly minors.

Never said they're inherently bad; I just said I wish more syscords allowed people to choose for themselves if their littles need to isolate in those channels.

As I MINOR (let me say it again.) MINOR with littles, for some systems I get why littles can't stay in main chat in syscords, it's for safety.

Cool! I genuinely don't know why people in syscourse are so insistent on reminding everyone that they're minors. It's okay to be a kid. I didn't describe anything graphic in my post. I simply mentioned "mature acts."

Obviously, as a 16 year old... You shouldn't be doing those mature acts! But I would hope that, by 16, you can understand that... adults... do mature things sometimes? And can find positivity, joy, and yes, healing through those mature things. I had hope that you were mature enough, yourself, to be able to acknowledge that adults do things you don't do.

Your system will be different you're an ADULT. but us, we're a MINOR, there's still things that we don't even understand and we're still going through my own traumas. You're able to recognise basic things without being disturbed and out right saying your littles can do outrageous shit like this.

You being a minor once again does not negate the ability to understand "Huh, maybe that person's experiences will be okay once I'm older."

I can recognize you're a minor and going through your own traumas. I never once said you need to let your littles completely loose to do whatever they want -- in fact, I strongly advise against it, especially if you're still in an active trauma situation. But. Minors can recognize basic things "without being disturbed" as well. That's not something I gained from being an adult. I knew how to do that at age 15 at least.

The reason the post even exists is to state our opinion and talk into the void about issues that either we have or others do. Not for you to compare your system to everyone else's. Respectfully.

I will be honest, I don't feel very respected, with my actions which have been incredibly healing for my parts being called outrageous, disturbing, and something to lose faith over. I'm really sorry that your post -- publicly put into the DID tags with the word "thoughts?" at the end of the post -- wasn't looking for other system input. I'm also really sorry that you're going to get a LOT more people explaining their thoughts on this, when it seems like the conversation is unwanted.

The fact is, your experiences are not just not universal -- they are also fairly uncommon. Many, many, many systems have found healing through letting their littles grow up and be mature. Whatever that may look like for them.

And then this last bit...

(I'm not pressed about this, but the way you've replied makes me feel physically ill from someone who has been taken advantage of not only as a child, but also has had to see our littles go out of their way to not be around a caretaker because they wanna talk to people and then hurt, harassed and exposed to disgusting content online because people are CREEPS. For our system, we CANNOT let littles into online spaces. Especially around strangers. Our littles have the mindset of a 16 year old. so, oh so sorry to stay it's different for minors.)

You've made a lot of bold assumptions here, entirely based on your own experiences once again.

I am a system who was taken advantage of as a child. I've also had my littles -- back when they were more akin to child parts -- go out of their way to not be around a caretaker. I've had my littles get hurt in the past, exposed to disgusting content, and participate in acts they could not, at the time, consent to. We were severely hurt by these actions.

I also changed. They changed. And we grew.

There is hope for the future, you know that, right? Again, I know you're 16, but I really hope you know that there will come a time when those child parts of you may grow up, or become part of you in their own right. There may come a time in your future when you will need to navigate romance and intimacy and "mature things" in regards to your littles. I don't say this to scare you, but to help you understand that there can be growth and change.

You don't need to make that leap right now -- again, please fucking don't, you are a LITERAL MINOR -- but understand that healing can come in many ways.

I compared my system in your post to help you understand the perspective of others who might be healing in ways other than yours, or even just the perspective of others who aren't like you at all. Not to say all systems have to be like mine, or that you HAVE to let your littles do things like what mine do. I'm not sure how many times I could've added, "This definitely isn’t the case for every system" like I did in the post, but... Yeah. Apparently I didn't make that clear enough.

Things are different for minors, yet. Thankfully, you've only got two more years left before maybe, just maybe, it might be time to start thinking about what your life may be like as an adult, and what healing may come in your future one day.

#syscourse #keeping up with nerd shit

20 notes · View notes

kundusaysthings · 2 months

Text

I've been thinking about asexuality and aromanticism and art

I've been thinking about how most relationships that are portrayed in media, in some way, use the model of demisexuality or demiromanticism in how they present themselves. Most media relationships that we are supposed to understand as good try to convey the idea that one can only form meaningful relationships via close emotional intimacy, and that close emotional intimacy always leads to a relationship with romantic and sexual connotations. It feels somewhat insidious to me, upon reflection - and might be part of why ace people find themselves in an uncanny valley of sorts when it comes to representation. Like, it's using some of the right ideas, but it's not actually there, and that makes it more wrong.

I've spent a while processing that my dislike for sex is not a symbol of some form of wrongness. But I still find myself balking at the idea of being 'aromantic'. I find myself yearning for the poetic companionship of grand operatic narratives - mostly because I am a sucker for grand operatic narratives as a whole, but also because I find the idea of a 'soulmate' beautiful. But I struggle to find signifiers of romance that appeal to me. Like, I find myself drawn to the idea of Achilles and Patroclus, but, you know, differently.

And I find myself wondering whether what I am searching for is a demonstration of my romantic desires or a recognition of my need for healthy relationships as a human being. And whether it is even possible to divine the answer given that we all live within the larger media landscape that has defined both the creation and our understanding of art through a mostly cis-allo-het lens.

Mostly, I don't know how to square my desire to not be alone, with my desire for no romantic or sexual connection at all. And I understand that labels are only tools for identifying broad groups and trends, but having some explanation for this yearning sure would help. Did it come because of what most media says people should be? Or is it a normal part of me?

<s>Is there an option for operatic/dramatic/poetic asexual?</s>

#asexual #aromantic #demisexual #demiromantic #aroace #media analysis

28 notes · View notes

botanylobotomy · 22 days

Text

Spirit Shops Red Flags

Welcome to the list of Spirit shops Red/Yellow/Green flags post. These posts were Co-written with Katsper, and was also added to with the help of those in the Summoner’s Review server. General list was written with Katsper and expanded points are ones that people shared in TSR. Yellow & Green flags post to come

Please not that due to length some has been put under read more

closed religion species (up to personal values on what is closed or not)

There is a lot of religions and cultures that are closed. Spirits that come from them isn’t meant for people that aren’t of that culture or religious practice. Granted anybody can say “Oh I’m in xyz culture or religion” but it’s just uncomfortable to deal with. And a lot are really unsafe for those not in the religion or culture. Golems for example are of Jewish Culture, there is a whole process of making them and they are very specific to that process. Personally I wouldn't trust somebody selling them because from my personal understanding they are very complex and the one who makes them goes through a very heavy learning process. It’s uncomfortable. Adding, native American spirits are also big for people to sell, lets not do that for MANY reasons.

Straight up dangerous spirits (such as Native american w**s or skinwalkers)

“Spirit xyz can and will kill any human they can so they need a powerful keeper to keep them under control”, why are they thinking this is a good idea? Why are they selling Native american spirits or spirits that just want to destroy whatever they can and kill others. Serious lapse in judgment and a way to get other keepers harmed. Or even non practicing relatives.

over sexualizing spirits

Over sexualized spirits brings the feeling that sex is the only thing that matters and that’s all they are good for. Listings that say that spirit just wants to have sex devalues them as a being that has it’s own feelings, history, or really anything. They basically are advertised as breathing blow up dolls you put no care into.

selling ubis as sex fiends

Not all Ubis (plural for for succubi and incubi, as well as a gender neutral term for those that don't identify as strictly male or strictly female) are actually interested in sex. It can be seen as a necessity for some, but there's also ones that want the emotional bond before getting down and dirty. It's a really heavy handed misconception.

selling "orphans" or children spirits

Now this was a big no no back when I started getting into online spirit work. Children spirits should be with their parents or adults of their species. If they’re selling orphans means they made no leg work to connect them with an adult spirit of their species so generally left with questions. Think of it like somebody selling you an orphan human child on the black market. Sketchy as fuck and feels super illegal {which it is}, there’s sometimes ulterior motives there that just leave the whole situation feeling wrong. And some species have strict as hell rules about their children and you don’t want to get into the cross hairs of that.

short CC or RC turnaround time (within a month or so)

So this is more about having just conjured a spirit for your custom conjure (cc) or reverse conjure (rc). It's not giving you much detail or assurance that spirit is actually safe or says who they say they are. It also feels like “meh, did the work of conjuring good fing-ing luck. Give me my money I've waited long enough.”

short vetting times

Short vetting times can be seen as super dangerous because it means they are just catching or conjuring spirits to sell for profit and not for care. Always ask about their vetting times and if vetting times are in physical or astral. Some astral spaces time moves differently so astral time of vetting could be shorter or longer compared to those who vet just in physical, it’s important to know their vetting times. Longer doesn’t always mean better, but it should give you an idea of how much they should know about the spirit

very little information about the spirit

This makes it feel like the conjurer didn't actually do vetting or did the shortest amount of vetting possible. They got some random details or bare minimum and said it was good enough. To a lot it feels like there is no care about the spirit and again, more interested in the money than actually connecting a spirit with a human keeper

misinformation about the spirit

Imagine you just got a spirit and the conjurer tells you it's a dragon but you learn from the spirit Is actually a hellhound. If you go to the conjurer and ask wtf is up and they ignore you? Chances are they don't actually care. Or they gave you the wrong info for that spirit. It's really frustrating to learn and so that's why you should always double check with your spirits and address things with the conjurer. but it leaves seeds of distrust and people talk.

"This spirit or item will solve all of your problems!" mentality

This can be dangerous to people as they then have the mentality that they don’t have to do anything for themselves if they can just buy a spirit or item because they were told that it can fix things for them. It can also be super harmful for those that struggle with mental health because they don't take the steps to help themselves and rely on spirits or items to help instead. It leaves spirits themselves in a difficult position especially if they can't do what they're being advertised to help/cure/fix what the conjurer is saying they can do

Doing "forever" bindings, or something similar

If a spirit wants to follow you after death into the next life, they will... don't make them. Forcing them to stay bound no matter what life takes away their right to choose and be free. It’s slavery in a way.

Has very little information about the spirit to offer, a paragraph or less

This ties into the vetting red flag. It shows they took little to no effort to getting to know the spirit and let you know that they actually took the time and care to get to know the spirit before matching them with a keeper. It shows they care more about the money not the spirit or the people they are matching them with

selling a "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" spirit

This feels icky just for the fact it feels like a spirit is forced into that kind of situation. Like a hostage and kidnapper feeling

Really Really high pricing, especially for very little information

According to others in TSR, if the pricing is really high and you get a page or less of information, they’re more interested in their pocketbooks than they are actually connecting spirits with keepers.

They don't allow any visits with spirits before adoption, seeing how certain energies and personalities fit in your family is important.

This is becoming a lot more popular, especially if shops have discords. The general consensus from this is that a lot of shops do not allow refunds or returns after buying a spirit’s binding. So you’ve bought a spirit, turns out they just do not vibe with your energy, or they don’t get along with other companions. Now you’re just stuck. Visiting a spirit allows you to see if you actually vibe well together or if they can get along with your current family. General idea is that you should visit a few times to be sure that the vibes and energies all mix well.

making up species that diverges from canon, especially with closed religions

“Canon” being the core myth of the species. Take leviathans for example {new example because Native american spirits been pointed out a lot}, they are world enders. They want to destroy the world and consume it. Somebody selling a leviathan that’s friendly, wants to be buddies, isn’t a thing. Or taking a closed culture/religion species and just completely erasing their ties for sellability.

Human spirits in general

It gives buying and selling humans for a lot of people. Which is weird considering the humanoid spirits, but the outright from earth humans feels… wrong???

Haunted dolls in general

This is generally seen as buying human spirits and selling them. A lot tend to be children as well for a ridiculous amount of money. And they are traded and sold a lot which makes things uncomfortable. Mixing it with the severe lack of any vetting, feeling that the spirit is trapped in the haunted doll, and it feeling like selling/trading children it feels wrong.

uses language like "caught" or "captured" a spirit

This makes it seem like the spirit was completely unwilling for companionship and basically taken against their will and sold. Like slavery.

Offers "black magic" spells or "essence" spells

Black magic is a racist term. Please google on how it's considered racist. In this day and age we should be more alerted to the fact that a lot of core practices were built in a way to suppress BIPOC individuals and their cultures and practices. Be better. Essence spells also feels weird.

A spell that affects you physically, such as giving you fighting knowledge when you had none before or making your teeth sharper

For a lot of people this feels more fake and more giving the hollywood glow to the witchy or spirit work community. It gives false expectations of what doing spell work is like. In return you get people that are pissed that they paid

#witchcraft #spirit work #spirit shop #spirit companion #witchblr #witch #wynter post

14 notes · View notes

lains-reality · 11 months

Note

Hey, so I think I somwhat understand this now. Since yesterday I decided to apply what I know and just start identifying with I AM and know I am not this character. And honestly it feels good. Like when the character feels any emotions or have any thoughts or gets a desire, I'm not bothered by it because I detach from the character and know those have nothing to do with me. But I don't know how to go on from here. I've just simply been going back to identifying with my true self everytime I remember, but am I supposed to just keep observing this character till what? Till she dies? I'm not sure how to progress on from here, I would like to experience pure awareness but I'm not sure how to go from here to there. Honestly I don't even feel I've changed much, besides knowing I'm not this character I'm still confused on a lot of things. I mean shouldn't the character go once I've stopped identifying with it, or is it a process? I continually stop identifying with it and after some while it disappears?

"And honestly it feels good."

right!!

"But I don't know how to go on from here."

i have the perfect reading for you.

Past doesn't come up anymore, memories don't come up anymore after you've ignored - detached yourself enough. They just don't. You can think freely now about being something different. If you can't, don't get mad, don't blame, only know that the one that's doubting isn't you, so the doubts are totally fine to be. They'll be for a while and then they dissolve too, because by ignoring, not getting involved - you forget. And by forgetting not only do you free up so much mental space, but possibilities of what can be become unnumbered. [section - blind faith is stupid!]

heres another. one more. last one.

"I mean shouldn't the character go once I've stopped identifying with it, or is it a process? I continually stop identifying with it and after some while it disappears?"

i feel like the readings would of answered this already but i'll answer too

the attachments to the character goes. you'll see the stories that you take to be the character's leave. because your're not that anymore. you'll feel more peaceful etc. then you can choose what other character to take on.

the reason why a character would disappear is if you've chosen another or you have no mind lol. if you're choosing to have no mind then yeah keep going and experience no-mind. you can bring the mind back in when you like. its down to what you want, most people don't want to stop having an identity, so they choose a new one.

and yeah, i re-read the readings, and it would of answered this already. i hope this helps

#lainsmail

88 notes · View notes

wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

Text

*lies down for a nap*

*thinks about The Eighth Sense post by @starsickkk and @lurkingshan*

*jolts violently upright from bed*

"OH MY GOD, EIGHT SENSES"

Okay so most of us are familiar with the five senses, right?

Touch

Sound

Sight

Taste

Smell

But there are three other senses as well, at least according to this website on the sensory processing system, and this one on autism, and this one from the STAR institute, and this website on neurodiversity as well. So what are the other three senses?

6: Vestibular- This is your balance and orientation in space (x)

7: Proprioception- This is your perception of position, location, and movement of your muscles. Essentially your ability to process where your body physically is. (x)

According to Wikipedia (this is a fictional show and as such I will not be spending time looking for the original, actual, scientific journal articles) your body uses information from both proprioception and the vestibular system to understand your body's position and movement. Now the internet has not been specific/completely in agreement about whether vestibular or proprioception is 6 or 7, but multiple sites I've cited on here do list the following as the eighth sense:

8: Interoception- Internal perception. The eighth sense is what allows us to feel if we are hungry or thirsty. But it also said to be tied to how you experience/feel your emotions.

According to these website you can either be hypo-sensitive (meaning low awareness) or hyper-sensitive (meaning high awareness). People with low interoception might not be aware of pain and temperature, might not feel hungry or thirsty, and may have trouble identifying their emotions. People with high interoception may have heightened awareness of their hunger or thirst signals, might experience emotions more strongly, and might feel pain even after an injury has healed.

And it's making me think about this post from @chicademartinica about JaeWon's relationship to food. I don't think these are entirely related but, I don't know I guess I'm just thinking about whether or not there is a reason this show is named The Eighth Sense. Whether or not this show will explain the meaning of The Eighth Sense. Whether or not what we are seeing before us is real or imagined.

And because I sometimes have difficulty pointing things out and then letting it hang open for interpretation and speculation, I started digging into the idea of PTSD playing with interoception. I found this study from Frontiers in Psychology that found "the more childhood trauma participants reported, the more difficult it was for them to perceive their heartbeat after the stressor" where heartbeat was being used to define interoception. And something I do know to have a current evidence basis is that prolonged exposure to stress, particularly in childhood, is associated with greater HPA axis dysregulation (For those of you who don't know, the HPA axis controls stress) that can cause both physical and mental health problems long term.

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having to abandon your dreams and your passions to take over the family business?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, having an aggressive father?

Prolonged exposure to stress like, say, witnessing the death of your baby brother and being powerless to stop it? Living with the guilt of that for over a decade?

What I really want to know is the name of the medication JaeWon is taking because that can help narrow down the type of mental health problem he is struggling with.

Any way you play it though, I am really just curious if the name of this show is The Eighth Sense because JaeWon is missing his. Because he's numb, because he's not eating, because he's has outbursts of aggression, because he's feeling detached from people who aren't JiHyun (many of these are symptoms of PTSD by the way), because he wants people to like him and he wants to be nice, but you can see him just spend so much of his time folded in on himself. But JiHyun is lighting that spark, JiHyun is getting him back in touch with his emotions. JiHyun is making him feel happy again.

Note: Usually I would want to be more responsible about sharing science like this (ie I would be checking sources for accuracy, trying to find studies or at least looking at the studies these articles may have been inspired by, making sure these studies are published in peer reviewed journals or whatnot. But as I said before, this is a fictional piece of media and so I will not hold it to the height of scientific feasibility because this is what you find on the internet when you google this stuff so if the writers were at all informed by this concept this is probably far more likely what they would have found)

#the eighth sense #t8s #the eighth sense theories #TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS PEOPLE I WANT TO KNOW #the eighth sense meta #jaewon #jaewon x jihyun #I need the next episodes now so I can know whether or not this show is real #i honestly have no idea how we got here

121 notes · View notes

ancientgoddessofegypt · 4 months

Text

Subconscious Manifestation ; How the Womb connects us to the psyche of our hopes and dreams. Divine Fem Talks.

Hey! So this is a small read on subconscious manifestation, using the womb. If you're someone who identifies with your womb than this is for you. The point of this read is to help understand how to the brain and the womb come together in terms of manifesting our realities. I start off with speaking about the subconscious and daydreaming alone, and then connect them all together. Anyways I hope you enjoy this reading and if you have some questions do feel free to ask !

Subconscious Manifestation - Using the mind to connect to the psyche of dreamed realities and making them more realistic day by day.

So you daydream correct? Maladaptive Daydreamers can make a 9-5 out of this constant roleplay of characters they've created with themselves and the world around them.

However, when we spend too much time in the mind, we have forgotten how to manuveur in the body. When we're not activating our conscious brains to morph into the realities we seek. We get lost in what we think is realistic. And whats realistic is not always true. It's something we've all grown accustomed to. So heres my tips on how to process the reality you want but taking a closer look from where it's coming from.

Why did I add the womb? Because the womb carries knowledge of what we need in this reality. And working with both changes the universe's law. Which is connected to the woman. So I'll explain in detail what I mean by this, changing universal law etc.

We are the universe, we carry knowledge, abilities, ideas, things from out of this world comes into this body of ours and we as women give it life. The soul of a baby has connected itself to the womb before you known you were pregnant, and again, you give birth bring life to the world and we celebrate newness in this earth.

So your brain is the same way, it connects the soul to an idea and the idea waits for it to be birthed. When we are day dreaming, we are connecting to the universe. We are connecting to a certain part of our brain that lets out a certain arousement for the dream to even live on. So in this case, I'll ask you this... What is something that you're dreaming of? what are you waiting for? Yin energy is darkness, it is connected to the shadows, and its birth is how it comes to the light.

Now with yin energy, this is unconscious mind written all over it. The mind knows its place but you don't. You surrendered to society's stigmas on how the mind really works but have you really checked in to view that society might not be listening to whats really changing in our bodies and minds? Our minds are capable of a thousand different things. And i want to relax on this and allow others to shape their minds to a new perspective and make things different for your future.

My favorite thing about the womb and the subconscious/unconscious mind is that astrology aligns it with the moon and neptune. The womb would be connected to venus.

Both energies are necessary for growth in manifestations, but when do we draw the line?

I've embraced apart of myself that knows that my manifestations can come to reality when you just believe, however it is so much deeper than we understand.

We can go out there and do the thing, but when their is something rejecting itself in our bodies, how can we work to get these energies moving?

The womb is connected to our emotions, and our mind is the one that brings out emotion into an idea. So both come together to make a fine daydream come into fruition and our intuition (the moon) / gut feeling gives us the green light if its a good emotion around it.

What happens when the emotions are discomforting? Then the mind is also going to make it discomforting. This is the unconscious speaking through the soul, and your mission is to go through the darkest parts of the self to figure out where it leads. The ocean of layers that goes on in the psyche is a mystery on its on, but its a story waiting to be held lke a book and wading for the individual to read the book of waves it has settled into the gates of the mind. It's mission is to let you know how it is feeling in there, and grazing into the subconscious gives us the enlightment we need to push it forward to our conscious.

When a person has not faced their emotions, let alone know how to control them.. They wither away the potential of creating long term satisfactory when coming along the waves of emotions hiding in the belly.

The womb is a safe space, its sacrad voice need not be scoulded. It lets us know as women how to heal, what it truly wants, how to relieve itself from the poison and to move to its desired vibration.

When the womb isn't getting the nutrients it needs, it will fall short of having claritive dispositions. Blinding the individual with distractions and whether or not the woman knows how to deal with this contraction, she will lose hope when she is uncertain with where her energy is needed. The pain of the womb being from generations of trauma women have faced, this dire need to get the womb and the mind back on track is a need. The womb and the mind in a woman is a powerful took in attracting, and many centuries ago women from past lives where able to commence a deity or natural power towards them because cosmic energy lives through them. We are the sacred portals of divine fruits, and we've lost that along the way.

#subconscious manifestation #womb healing #mystic #chakras #intuitive #metaphysics

25 notes · View notes

sincerely-sofie · 30 days

Note

no worries if you aren't sure/rather not answer, take as long as you need, public response over private is okay does schizophrenia come under dissociative disorders, and if not, what's the difference?

i know i have /some/ form of dissociative(-like?) thing, as many people with DID or similar have pointed it out. but i don't have the alters separate memory different people fronting thing. what i do have is myself, logic brain, emotion brain, possibly other stuff, and

the part(s) that's actually relevant here - what feels like a peanut gallery of cptsd-induced hecks reinforcing internalised stuff. why i'm asking is your description of the hallucinations sounds more like them than a lot of experiences i've read, so i'm wondering if it'd be worth me looking into (i'm already in the process of signing up for therapy, but more info for initial assessment always good)

it's definitely not identical because as far as i know i don't hallucinate images or sounds (besides that i used to hear my sibling calling my name when they weren't for some reason?), and i don't know how to identify anything distinctly let alone have mental images of any of them like your drawings, but.

i'd appreciate any insight you may have, but no obligation of course (i know you probably know that already but peanut gallery yells at me if i don't make it clear) thanks even just for reading even if not sure how to answer :)

Media portrayals of schizophrenia vs. dissociative disorders oftentimes blur the lines between them. It's very understandable to be uncertain on which you may or may not be experiencing period--- but throw in the public confusion on the differences and it's a muddy mess to understand their distinctions. ESPECIALLY Dissociative Identity Disorder, oh my goodness. You mentioned DID by name, so I'll be using it and schizophrenia as the main apples and oranges I compare. Keep in mind that there's various forms of schizophrenia and dissociative disorders, though.

(Obligatory disclaimer that I am not a medical professional and the only qualifications I have to answer this is that I'm a field researcher of sorts. Good on you for starting signing up for therapy, PLEASE keep that process going. Do not take my word for gospel. I'm one person with no degree or training. Anyone reading this and relating to the mental illnesses I'm describing here should seek out medical professionals and be particularly wary of self-diagnosis for these disorders.)

The DSM-5 (aka The Big Book of Mental Bad Vibes) classifies schizophrenia and DID under two different umbrellas: psychotic disorders vs. dissociative disorders. They're two distinct, but similar, conditions. Schizophrenia's diagnostic criteria centers on a disconnection from and altered perception of reality. DID's diagnostic criteria, meanwhile, revolves around a disconnection in identity, awareness, and memory. People with a textbook case of schizophrenia, while they likely experience delusions, do not display alters--- though there may be erratic behavior and moods in individuals that can come across to outsiders as such.

While they're very distinct, they have a number of similarities and a distinct amount of overlap between symptoms at times. I've seen statistics saying that anywhere up to 50% of schizophrenia patients meet the criteria for DID--- though I'm personally wary of that statistic, as DID's diagnosis criteria and treatment has been shifting all over the place in recent years and I'm not sure when the statistic was said. It also reeks to me of the fear-mongering a lot of classic horror movies used when lumping the two disorders into a scary boogeyman figure.

All of that context aside, I'm a very strange example of schizophrenia, and my doctor has said at times that the diagnosis was more so something I received because it checked enough boxes and less so because it was something I truly embodied. He's said that if Anxiety with Psychosis were in the books, he'd have given me that diagnosis in a heartbeat. It's not, though, so I got the shiny moniker of Early Onset Undifferentiated Schizophrenia--- which basically means "Your brain exploded while you were a teen and the aftermath sort of fits into this one psychotic disorder's box, but only sort of". My experience with schizophrenia is not typical, and knowing what I know now about my mental health background, I'd say that PTSD and C-PTSD is the strongest overlap with my experience--- just with added psychosis for extra spice. Ultimately, my hallucinations were largely manifestations of my various complexes and neuroses--- this makes them a lot more comparable to thought processes in patients with a form of post-traumatic stress than your average schizophrenia patient's hallucinations.

It's important to note that a small degree of hallucinations / psychosis is normal--- we've all thought we heard a notification from our phone when no such thing happened, and hearing someone call your name when they actually didn't is a pretty typical experience. It's not cause for immediate concern. Heck, I thought hypnagogic hallucinations were part of my diagnosis--- it turns out over half the population experience them!

TL:DR; if my description of my hallucinations resonates with you, you're more likely to have some form of trauma or anxiety disorder than straight up schizophrenia or DID. I'm a weird case, and the way my hallucinations formed was apparently very atypical. So I really would recommend looking into the anxiety disorder / trauma angles before you start gaslighting yourself into questioning your perception of reality. Check out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy strategies. The ones described in this workbook in particular ultimately did more for my recovery in the end than medication did--- and medication did a lot for my recovery. Absolutely keep seeking out therapy, because you need a medical professional to sift out whatever may be going on in your head--- ESPECIALLY if you suspect a psychotic or dissociative disorder is at play. Others with disorders might be able to identify someone with a similar condition, but they may also be only identifying symptoms which merely overlap with their own experiences. They are not professionals. Their word is valuable, but ultimately you need a doctor for this kind of thing.

#schizophrenia #psychosis #dissociation #dissociative identity disorder #ptsd #complex ptsd #mental illness #mental health #sofie answers asks

12 notes · View notes

aspd-culture · 10 months

Note

hey, i've really enjoyed this blog so i want to make absolutely sure: your stance on endogenic systems is "they have trauma, they just don't know it"?

Yep. If someone is genuinely a system, that is incompatible with having no trauma. If someone genuinely did not have trauma, they by our current scientific understanding cannot be a system.

That said, unlike many other people with this take, I try not to push endos to realize that because if they were ready to, their system would have told them. I know *multiple* people who identified as "endo" before remembering their trauma when they were ready to and realizing they were very wrong.

I also know people who formerly identified as "endo" but realized that trauma to a child can be things as "simple" as a divorce or death of a very important person in their family etc. It's not always super intense abuse. Whilst that is much more likely to cause a system it is in no way impossible to see it from things that are not commonly thought of as traumatic. It's a great time to acknowledge this actually because it's true of every trauma disorder - childhood trauma is inherently going to be different than adult trauma because children are less resilient with less life experience and their brains are still in development so they are much less likely to "bounce back". It gets cemented in their development that pain like this is part of the world and they need to develop ways to cope.

The things that an adult believes they cannot manage to survive, and therefore need to change the way their brain functions to tolerate, has a *much* higher threshold than the same for a child because a child has not seen proof of what the human brain and body can survive. Further, a child hasn't developed the ability to emotionally support themselves, so emotional neglect can make it so what in no way even upsets a child with a support system may feel unsurvivable to a child without any. If you didn't know how much blood you could lose and still live, you would think the smallest scratch might kill you - that's what life is to a child.

All of that is to say, systems don't need to have lived through unspeakable horrors to be systems, but they *do* need to have some sort of trauma as far as we currently know. If you look into adverse child experiences (ACEs), you will probably be surprised as to what counts as traumatic in the mind of a child. I cannot stress enough that a kid may become traumatized enough to develop a system from almost *any* normal negative part of life if they have no emotional support to teach them how to adjust and handle pain. That is where, in that case, the system would come in - to be the ones helping them process and handle pain since no one else is.

If the psych community were to find in multiple repeatable studies that there is a reason for non-traumagenic systems to develop, I would change my stance because I know that psych knowledge especially has a very short half-life. We learn new things all the time. But for what we currently know about how systems develop, they cannot do so without some type of sustained trauma.

If that affects your enjoyment of this blog, I'm not sure what to say. It is not common that systems even get discussed here, though it does come up sometimes because both are trauma disorders (with ASPD being infrequently purely genetic I think?). When it does come up - because all of this blog besides the culture asks are based in current psych knowledge, the DSM/ICD, and my personal anecdotes - you will see my understanding in my discussions of it. It's not to alienate anyone, but it's no different than someone asking me to say something currently believed to be factually wrong about ASPD for their comfort; I can't and won't do that.

I don't mean to come off hostile, this is all /neutral, it's just that I hate the idea that an ASPD blog that is helpful or enjoyable to someone might in some way have that positive impact affected by a currently accepted truth about a completely unrelated disorder.

Is it right of me to take that out on you though my tone? No, because you're not the one causing that emotion bc I don't even particularly know your stance on this. Unfortunately though, despite rewriting this post like 3 times, I cannot seem to get the /neutral tone to come across properly. Just... please understand it is there because my autism is not letting me phrase it right.

#aspd-culture-is #tw endo #cw endo #system discourse #cw trauma

46 notes · View notes

anarchistauthor · 7 months

Text

The Last Jedi, the Last Good Star Wars Movie

I'm gonna go ahead and preface this by saying, I have no idea how this will play with my social circle here on Tumblr. I know how my Twitter and Bluesky friends feel about SW, but not y'all. I don't think I've ever even seen a post about it here, and I don't care to go look. Bottom line, I have too many opinions and not enough people who agree with me, so now you have to suffer through this essay. You're welcome.

I was a fan of SW at least as early as I have memories. I'm 29 years old, which means I grew up firmly in the prequel era, and watched them young enough that I didn't even realize older people hated them. Obi-wan was my hero, not my mentor, I never really identified with Anakin and always liked Obi the most. But, and this is important, I loved Star Wars and thought all of it was good. I read one EU book set between episodes 1 and 2, I watched as much of the original Clone Wars series as I could, and I played lightsabers during recess in school. I am at least as nostalgic as every gen xer who laments a bygone era when SW was good because they don't understand that they just liked things better as a kid. But, the difference is, that kind of person tends to despise everything about the sequel trilogy, in my experience. Not so for me.

The Force Awakens was a pretty good movie in my eyes, when I first saw it. I did notice the deja vu, I had very little actual interest in Rey as a character, but just having a female force user at the forefront was huge to me, and it was certainly, at least, a solid foundation for the next two movies. My biggest TFA hot take is that Kylo Ren was the perfect antagonist for this movie, as basically a spoiled shithead who is a fanboy of his grandpa and wants so, so badly to be cool like him. I was also the sort of person who got really invested in the ~mystery~ of Rey's origin, and the speculation of her parentage.

Enter TLJ. My first emotion, at several points during this movie, was dismay. I couldn't believe they just made Rey some random person, after setting up that her background was vague and mysterious! I couldn't believe that Luke never fought anybody and then he died! But, very quickly after, I had time to process my emotions, and I realized that this movie was something special. It manages to "yes, and" TFA while also roasting me for investing so much passion into the questions it rose. "You thought she would somehow be Obi-wan's daughter? Are you serious?" And when you get angry at that, you're met with the obvious question, "Why should it matter?" It shouldn't. We want to see the characters we love come back, but when it comes to this girl, this hero, why should she have to be related to some old dead guy in order to be special? The Force is everywhere, it lives in all of us. That is the central point of TLJ. And, arguably on purpose, this film pissed off Star Wars fans more than anything ever could.

TLJ isn't just a movie that taunts the audience for speculating based on its predecessor, it taunts the audience for being overly invested in the entire franchise. TLJ looks at its series, it looks at the people who watch it, and it demands that you question your relationship with the material. It calls you a fool for assuming that an emotionally-stunted young adult like Luke would become a well-rounded mentor, for assuming that he was incapable of being tempted by darkness, for worshipping him as a pure hero. Because, who is Luke? He was a kid who was bored with simple life, got pulled away into a galactic conflict, and pretty much stumbled his way through saving the world. Even at the final moment, he was very close to murdering his father out of rage. Do you think that's just gonna go away after Palpatine died? Just because Luke put his sword away? No. It also mocks you for assuming Snoke is going to be important just because he's a large man in a fancy chair. He's a parallel to the Emperor, so you assume he'll be the same, and the movie roasts you for it by killing him off unceremoniously. And the Poe plot? That is nothing but one giant own on everyone who loved Poe assuming that the cool guy hotshot was the most important and competent person in the fleet.

The intent of all this playful mockery, I believe, was to get viewers to question how they idealize the past of the franchise. That's what it did for me. But, mediocre white dudes don't like being mocked, as we all know. They take it VERY personally, and they blew up the whole thing. They harassed creatives involved, sent death threats to poor Kelly Marie, and all in all went berserk about this movie for children about space wizards. How dare it move on?! How dare it not just be about my nostalgia?! Not just white, not just men, but I don't feel any need to deny that that's the primary demographic. There was already some backlash to TFA, but TLJ pulled no punches, and the most perpetually-offended fandom in the world lived up to its name. It's really that simple. And as a result, the Disney Overlords scrambled to make them calm down. Enter...Rise of Skywalker.

I. Fucking. HATE this movie. Apart from the fact that it tries to undo everything I loved about TLJ, it's poorly made in more conventional ways. Rushed pace, aimless writing, having no idea what to do with the characters, (not to mention giving the black protagonist a black girlfriend who has all the same backstory and traits as him, lest anyone ship him with Poe) it is the epitome of a movie that only exists for nostalgia, but it can't even do that well. If there's one lesson I've learned from the sequel trilogy, it's that JJ Abrams is not only a trashfire of a director, but he is utterly incapable of reacting to what happened in the previous movie, because he spent so much runtime just calling Rian Johnson a liar! "Rey's not no one, instead she has the most asinine backstory in the history of the franchise." To me, it reeks of a man who despised the way Rian responded to him, and is just desperate to overrule it. As a writer myself, I can't even imagine doing something like that instead of doing my best to work with what came before. The definition of hack behavior.

TLJ was a movie that tried to move Star Wars into the future, to divorce it from idolatry of the past, but ROS is a movie designed with intent to reel it back in, to say, "Hold on, art and creativity are great and all, but Disney gotta make them nostalgia bucks." A return to hero worship, to centering the leads of decades ago, to feeding the lore rather than telling a story. And the fact that it followed a film that told the story it wanted to tell and didn't give a shit how you felt about it, it's just insulting.

This is going to sound like cheesy artist babble, but to me, the art of creation is sacred, in a way. Not literally holy, but just beautiful and meaningful. Even if what comes out is bad, it's worth doing if done with sincerity. That's how I see TLJ. But given the way both fans and the rights holders reacted to it, I'm depressed and pessimistic regarding the future of the franchise. The Phantom Menace was the first movie I loved, and I still like it today. I'm sure I'll love TLJ forty years from now, and I'll probably continue to watch new SW movies when they come out. I don't know if I'll ever love a movie in the franchise again, but I can have hope. This is a movie that proved Star Wars was capable of being better, and that doesn't change just because neckbeards hate it more than they've ever hated anything. This is still going to be the franchise that has TLJ in it, and the haters can't take that from me.

#star wars #the last jedi #essay #fandom #media critique

25 notes · View notes

theambitiouswoman · 1 year

Note

Do you have any tips on dealing with anger?

I tend to act on my anger ,for example I end up saying really hurtful things to others which just makes the situation worse

I actually get this question a lot, either online or my friends. I used to have the same problem, and just finished giving a friend advice on this yesterday.

Before, I was very reactive and lived in a triggered state. Would speak without thinking, or better argue/react. Eventually, I realized that just by having the wrong reaction, even if I would have been right- made me wrong. How we handle situations matters more than the situation itself (there are obviously exceptions to this i.e. an argument with an abusive partner etc.) I started practicing by, and this is advice is always give, removing myself from the situation immediately. breathe in and breathe out and process the whole scenario in my head, along with the outcome i wanted to achieve. Sometimes, returning to those conversations would take me a day or two to process. other times, i would consciously decide to wait to make sure i was right or wrong. Some experiences that i wasn't exposed to or had experience with, i would wait a second time for the situation to happen before i reacted. I knew if i felt upset about it more than once, that something was wrong and needed to communicate it.

I also imprinted in my mind, how much control the other person would have over me if i couldn't control my own emotions. Absolutely no one was going to upset/hurt me, then also know they had the upper hand/power over me. No way, no ma'am.

Emotional control is very powerful. It makes you a very powerful person. Also speaks to your level of confidence. You don't win when you lose control. You also don't want to ruin relationships.

It really depends on the situation that upsets us, but we are not always right just because we are upset. Its not that your feelings aren't valid, but sometimes they come from something else. It could even come down to us misunderstanding.

In short, I would recommend you start practicing removing yourself from situations where you feel like you are going to explode on someone. Take time to process your thoughts and decide on the outcome you want to achieve regarding that situation. Recommend you repeating to yourself "i control my feelings, my feelings don't control me."

Other ways you can learn to manage your emotions:

Identify your emotions: The first step in controlling your emotions is to identify what you are feeling. Try to name your emotions and recognize their intensity.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It can help you to become more aware of your emotions and to respond to them in a healthy way.

Use cognitive restructuring: Cognitive restructuring involves changing negative or irrational thoughts into positive or rational ones. This can help you to manage your emotions more effectively.

Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally can help you to manage your emotions. Eat a healthy diet, exercise regularly, get enough sleep, and make time for relaxation.

Develop healthy coping mechanisms: Identify healthy ways to cope with your emotions, such as talking to a friend, practicing relaxation techniques, or engaging in a hobby.

The next time you are in the middle of a discussion and start feeling angry, try these methods instead:

Walk away: If you feel yourself becoming angry, take a break from the conversation. Take a few deep breaths, go for a walk, or do something that helps you relax.

Listen actively: Listen to the other person's point of view without interrupting or becoming defensive. Try to understand their perspective and feelings.

Use "I" statements: Use "I" statements to express how you feel instead of blaming or accusing the other person. For example, say "I feel hurt when you do this" instead of "You always do this and it's annoying."

Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their feelings and perspective.

Avoid personal attacks: Avoid personal attacks or name-calling. Stick to the issue at hand and focus on finding a solution.

Take responsibility for your emotions: Take responsibility for your emotions and reactions. Acknowledge your feelings and express them in a healthy way.

73 notes · View notes

system-of-a-feather · 5 months

Note

Do you have any recommendations on finding a good therapist for treating DID?

(Sorry about how I think this has been sitting in my ask box for like a month I kept saying Id respond to it later XD)

Honestly? Its a complex thing and unfortunately finding therapists - in my opinion - is largely a game of shopping, luck, and fishing for someone who works well.

Typically though, a few things I find to be green flags.

They work with / help / are trained to help LGBT+ people; even if you arent LGBT+, therapists that are LGBT+ therapists tend to have a better perspective and better mindset to approach DID related issues. It's not a red flag if they don't explicitly say LGBT+ necessarily, but it is something I like to see

If they say they work with dissociative disorders, thats an obvious green flag

If they say they do EMDR I tend to consider that a relative green flag, as EMDR is a really useful tool for trauma processing and while its controversial as to if it is a good standard for people with dissociation, being certified in EMDR tends to signify that they have a dedication to working with people who have trauma and have dedicated time to that; so even if you dont plan to do EMDR, I like to see therapists that COULD do it

If they are trained and capable of working with personality disorders, particularly cluster B personality disorders, that is a good sign. Even if you don't have a cluster B, Cluster B personality disorders tend to be stigmatized WITHIN the mental health system and also tend to be considered "difficult patients" - so if they are more than comfortable stating that they work with Cluster B personality disorders, they are probably going to be better at dealing with some of the more extreme core beliefs, emotional dysregulation, and chaos that can come with working with someone who has DID

Some RED flags:

If they are a religious - particularly Christian or Catholic or have anything about 'healing through god / faith' or anything like that - run.

If they don't at least have PTSD on their treatment list

Trust your gut honestly

Also know what you need and what you want out of a therapist / out of therapy. "A good therapist for DID" could mean a lot of things depending on where you are in your journey and what sort of approach, level of help, and what not you need.

If you are early on, having someone that is familiar with complex trauma and dissociation that can help you figure out how to get a sense of stability, manage your trauma symptoms, learn self care and what not can be super helpful and you might not necessarily need a DID expert as the first stage in DID recovery is stabilization and is focused less on identifying all the parts and communicating with parts (though that will inherently be part of it) and more about trying to establish a sense of stability. For some systems, this might be able to be done pretty well even without a focus on DID and a good C-PTSD therapist that has a good rapport and good match generally can do you a lot of good

If you are later on in your recovery, having someone more DID familiar might be helpful in navigating the more complex nuances and conflicts that can come between parts.

If you are late stage in your recovery, having someone that is familiar enough with the concept and terms to generally follow the flow of discussion and experiences as well as open and respectful to learning / understanding your experiences can be plenty of enough for some people. In these cases, if you have issues that feel like they need a specialist more, then as long as the therapist is comfortable working with you, is familiar with DID and dissociation, and is capable of handling a C-PTSD / PTSD patient, then needing to be a "DID therapist" is honestly really not too important.

The latter is actually our situation, our therapist is an autism/adhd specialist first and foremost that got training and went through a deep dive relatively recently on complex trauma and complex dissociative disorders. Its by no means his expertise, but he is familiar and capable of following along which is honestly all we need at our stage

#alter: riku #alter: fei #ask #asks #advice #therapy #finding a therapist #therapy advice

8 notes · View notes