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verychaoticlife · 1 month

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Jenny Vi Pham and her game: Going live

TW: Suicide topic, mention of ED, manipulation, death

I know it's not Twitter or tik tok but I think people need to know about this. This post is mostly about Jenny's new game even if she didn't wait for this game to be problematic. Also, this post is about Jenny Vi Pham and only her the others did a great job and I hope they got a lot of money!

1) The story in general

In the first place, the story feels rushed, I'm not the best writer but you can tell that Jenny did not do her own recherche about anything for this game starting with how fast the guy gets followers for doing almost nothing to the hanging ending (I'm talking about this in a minute). The whole story is a mix of Needy Girl Overdose ( the fact he wants 1M in a week and he is helped by his partner) and DDLC for its "disturbing" ending. Ok, it's great you take inspiration for your game but it's so similar and made not in a great way that the game get's boring and cringe really fast. Talking about cringe PLEASE stop making the MC act like you and PLEASE stop making the whole game feel like a booktok comment section. Also to finish this first part the relationship between the MC and the guy. The whole time it just feels like the MC controls everything about this little white hair dude it just feels like I'm playing a toxic relationship simulator (talking about the fact that we aren't guiding him for a better streamer career but we are imposing him stuff like "ban her from modding" or even when he have to apologize and the MC literally choose for him and when he say "I don't think it's a great idea" the MC doesn't listen to him and force him). He has 0 personality unless "I'm gonna take my shirt off on stream and I love my girlfriend" is personality to you. Plus the fact that he is sexualized by everybody in the game is just so sad he kinda deserves better.

2)The hanging and homicide ending

Now let's talk about real problematic things. First, the hanging ending: so if you don't know he decides to kill himself because he got bullied on the internet cause he apparently hates people with cancer (omg I wish I wasn't serious rn). So yeah the whole reason why he did this is dumb and it explains why I think the story is rushed but you know maybe before he was mentally unstable and it was the event that finally broke him. Nope, he killed himself just like that, there is no indication that he is feeling bad, it just happened. The way she just killed him was disgusting. Suicide is a very serious topic, normally you get signals of those things, this guy is not killing himself like that. It just feels like the ending was here to just shock people and it did I was shocked because it happened without warning, it was so out of place. I don't really get words to describe this scene cause the picture was very graphic kinda like DDLC but when you play it you know what is going to happen here no and maybe I act like snowflakes but you have to put warnings on those things. Same for the Homicide ending it kinda happened like the hanging ending out of pocket and was very graphic. After playing for a second time normally you get an interaction with the cat (introduced at the start of the story and then forgotten) AND YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE SAID?? "yeah I can bring him back if you leave 5,000 rates on itch.io". This whole thing is just crazy to me, you killed him TWO times in the worst way possible (creepypasta writer got competition) and you ask for a good ending if they give good rates... Like what?? when do you think it's ok? You are using his death and his suicide as a way to get reviews and you think it's normal?

3) Her fans and her

(here some of the information came from Elduator on Twitter)

So after being shocked about the game I decided to read some reviews and saw people talking about her Twitter. It keeps getting worse. First, the way she mocks her fans is crazy it kinda reminds me of that fan/creator relationship in the Vtuber community "you're a clown to me and you like" type of relation she got with her fans. (some proof)

In the first tweet, she is making her fans looks like fools it's obviously a way to encourage them to give more reviews and that's so weird "he needs you" This is just pure manipulation knowing that her fans are probably young people it just making it worse. Kinda the type of manipulation in the second tweet ngl but here she is bringing her team which kinda tells us that some of her team workers support her way of acting.

this message speaks for itself, disgusting.

She also makes those kind of tweets here again just pure manipulation and making rates on someone suicide

And here a compilation of some very weird tweet.

The worst is literally the ED joke like what the hell?? and no one said anything it's so problematic in so many levels. Also again the hypersexualisation of her characters but sadly it's something normal on her twitter.

Let's talk about her fans cause they are also CRAZY. They encourage the hypersexualization of her characters, create fake accounts to make more reviews (which get obviously deleted) and are also encouraged by Jenny. They are also a bunch of creeps in general on itch.io or the discord server (proof from Elduator on Twitter)

(i can't fixe the bad quality so look here for better quality)

Ok, I think I said everything I'm thinking about posting it on twitter but someone already did so idk

bye!! XX

#going live #problematic #going live!#yeah ik it's not twitter #visual novel #otome game #itch.io #error143 #jenny vi pham #going live! game

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popculturebuffet · 18 days

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Supermay!: It's A Bird... It's a Plane.. It's Superman! Review (Comission for Emma Fici)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Supermay! A celebration of all things man of steel. And today boy oh boy do I have a treat for you. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a goddamn musical. We're taking look at the 1975 tv adaptation of the 1966 Stage Musical It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's superman! Baby.

This is something i've wanted to watch since seeing a clip of what turned out to be the final number years ago: It looked cheesy as hell and I was here for it. And when I pitched it to Emma her response was a resounding

So here we are.

So thanks to wikipedia I got some background on this one. Usually not the best source but I didn't have a lot. It did give me stage actor and superman in the broadway version Bob Holiday's 2000's as hell website

it's funly nostalgic and the guy seemed genuinely nice and i'ts mostly to tribute the man. Ther'es the odd bit like "sounding every bit as masculine as superman must" but it's mostly a nice little tribute. It didn't tell me much but it did impress that Bob HAD to maintain the superman posture live on stage and that the musical had flying effects, which is neat.

Otherwise the musical did well with critics.. but Audiences didn't catch on. They may of just not been in the mood for this level of camp, it may of been that old attitude that "comic books ares for childrens", which is true but their also for everybodys at the same time. At any rate it didn't do well.

The weird thing is.. it was a case of DC accidnetly undercutting itself. Around the same time the camptastic glory that was Adam West Batman started airing so an intended Time article for the musical was reduced to a blurb to promote batman instead.

So a decade later DC tried to recoup some losses, lisenscing the musical to ABC in the hopes of getting some of that sweet high school and regional theater money. And instead.. ABC just shoved it on their schedule and didn't really give a shit. So yeah this musical is mildly cursed and I feel bad fo rit. It's a wonderfully campy little piece of superman history, a truly odd, truly unique thing that deserves it's flowers, so today i'm giving them to them. So come fly with me under the cut as we experince bargin bin sweden hating lex luthor, jealous journalists, wacky mobsters, depression, an iconic musical number, gay supervillians in love, and all the camp that's fit to print. It's A Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman! .. and some ads!

Commericals!:

As a brucey bonus, the person who put this specail on youtube also added a cluster of superman themed commericals at the end. I'm going to tackle them because my good friend @jess-the-vampire recommended them. We watched the musical together but she stuck around for these commericals.

We open with one from Bob Holiday, who promotes Aqua Velva.. and honestly I wish more than just the soundtrack for the stage musical existed because he seems like an excellent superman.

The next is just superman using an at and t card to call the office as they try to get back to .. contact london. And Lois brings up he always disappears? I don't get you commerical

Now we get into the real nonsense. Lex Luthor has kidnapped superman.. to ask why superman peanut butter tastes so great. The funniest part of this is I could buy lex being THAT petty that he can't just ASK superman, he has to kidnap him, put him near a giant chunk of kryptonite and demand he tells him. Some kids save superman, they enjoy some peanutbutter and luthor finds out he'll find out someday, SOMEDAY SUPERMAN YOU'LL TELL ME THE SECRET OF YOUR RICH CREAMERY PEANUT BUTTER!

Anyways, now for superman to say no to smoking! Some man dressed like a wizard is teaching children to smoke. Man big tabacco is really having to get clever. I remember the old days when they didn't have to be as subtle

Superman then fights Nick O Teen again.. yes that's really his name.

Yes he really looked like that. And the sad part is this special proves this isn't even the dumbest guy he's fought. he fights nick as he tries to corrupt youth at baaseball and then claims you can quit any time only to disprove it when superman takes his sigs. He also coughs up a big black cloud when superman does this? Superman.. I I think you might be killing this guy. Give him his smokes superman, let him live!

Superman then calls a kid who smoked to be cool a looser. This is somehow only the second most dickish thing he's ever done.

We then get a few less takable adds: Superman picks up a kid who was abndoned by his friends for being intrested in drugs and relaizing drugs ar efor loosers, then promotes a kit for asmatic kids.. which is actually really nice. Good job superman.

We then get an add for underoos which is a bunch of children dancing around in their underwear. I feel like i'm going on some sort of watchlist just for watching this. There's Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Spider-man! And another add which adds batman and the hulk.. and the dukes of hazzard? Also this add made me realize the venture bros were wearing underoos for some time

Though the actual aquaman underoos are way more half assed

That's just..sad.

Anyways enough about children's underwear, for the love of god enough about children's underwear, let's have some airforce propoganda by some weirdo in a mustache and some weirdo in a superman outfit who gets recurited for the airforce.

Now Taco Bell is offering SUPERMAN GLASSES. Super fuckin shooter.. I actually want one of those now. I miss when restruants did this. I wasn't really around for it but I miss it.

Now superman on viewmaster! God I loved how these things looked as a kid.. on the outside. could never really see them well.

Next superman rescue two kids from the evils of WEEEEEEDDDD and just fly them to the boys and girl club. I mean that last part's nice and children shoudln't smoke weed but like... do they have a ride home? Are you just going to fly them to my house.

Now for a create a super villian contest. Everyone gets puffy stickers! EVERYONE EVEN YOU. EVEN IF YOU DON'T WATCH THEM. Also Casey Kasem robin. That's dope.

Now for a living french fry from superman french fries

And now our feature presentation

So we open with some .. weird as hell introductions to most of our cast. And it's right away we get one of this special's weirder quirks: out of Superman's suprisingly large supporting cast and main rogue's gallery only THREE characters from the comics are in this musical: Superman himself, played by David Wilson, Lois Lane played by Lesley Ann Warren and Perry White played by Al Ludden. I couldn't find anything really on wilson, but Warren's been in a ton of stage and tv while Ludden was the host of pass word. Yes weirdly Jimmy Olson is left out.. I wonder why

Fair enough then. So rather than say get Lex Luthor or Jimmy in the plot we instead get Max Mencken, an egotistical reporter who hates superman for stealing all the attention played by Kenneth Mars, mars assitant who has a thing for him Syndey Carlton played by MASH star Loretta Swit, the only actor I recognized in this, and David Wayne as Dr. Abner Sedwick, a mad scientest working for the Metropolis INsittue of Technology who wants to kill superman to conquer the world. There's also a mafia boss played by Malachi Throne, thankfully replacing the racial sterotypes with hired goons

Yeah while I get not using some of supes Rogues, Braniac would hard to be get right on stage back then for instance, it's very weird to me that they don't use Luthor for sedwick's role. Ther'es nor eason it CAN'T be him: while Luthor didn't have sedwick's veil of legitmacy back then (A weird thing to think about) it's not that big a change nad as seen by the 80's onward, it actually improves the character. I get Max, they wanted more characters at the planet and there didn't seem to be a deep bench and Jimmy never would've fit the roll. It's honestly hilarious to me as Steve Lombard, Morgan Edge and Jack Rider would all fill similar rolls over the years to this one, while Sydney would likely be Cat Grant, the planet's gossip columnist, these days.

At any rate we get a quick recap of superman's origins that also belies that this musical is goofy as shit, using comic panels and leaving subtly at the door as this is superman's rocket in this version

I'm all for it though: the musical's clearly meant to be tounge and cheek and is trying to be funny.. but is that rare work that's both genuinely funny once in a while and so bad it's glorious. Someone wrote a joke this corny, thought it was funnya nd put it on tv. Someone had to assemble this prop and I salute them.

So we get clarks teen years, him becoming superman all in miniture before we get our first number. We Need Him. And I have enough praise for later numbers I can comfortably say this is dogshit and not feel too bad about it. Like it is just bad. 80% of it is just them saying WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM

Listening to the original version, it was more of an operatic crowd number originally.. why they dumbed it down to the point of being grating I have no clue. While this does update the arangments, the arangments aren't really BAD for the most part but this is just.. awful.

Thankfully we soon get our first planet scene and our general characterizations for our bullpen: Clark is going with the old "he's really a mask for superman" routine, with Clark having a very whiny voice i'd swear was doing a rick moranis if rick was acting at that point. God there was a time when rick moranis wasn't a thing. Such dark days. It's fine... like I said in the clash of the superheroes review, i'm not a fan of "clark is just a costume superman puts on", but this musical is going for camp. Having everyone forget Clark's even there and exagerating this dynamic to all hell works just fine.

What dosen't is Lois. Lois feels like a prop in this: she loudly goes "scoop" in a shrill voice, never realizes Clark is there and genuinely kinda sucks. She's mostly there for Clark to pine over, the villians to kidnap later and that's it. I'm so relived Crisis on Infinite earths gave us the modern lois: no nonsense, hard nosed, but with a kind nature versus "SUPERMAN MUST MARRY MEEEEEEE". It's too Amy Rose for my taste.

We get our next umber it's superman next.. and this one is also not good and once again can be blamed on the rearrangment taking away the orchestra and replacing it with.. nothing.

Thankfully we're rescued from this by the oldest of superman's foes.. the mafia! The sad part is out of superman's three big bads in this film.. it's the closest to being true. It's still not entirely true as looking into the first 10 issues or so of action comics, it's mostly shady buisness douches, corrupt wardens and other conmen, putting the comic WAY ahead of it's time, it's still entirley plausable he fought some mobster in a sterotypical suit in his early career.

So the cartoon gangsters added to this version work for me. It helps their just so fun: their over the top, goofy and fit this over the top and goofy musical like the hats they all wear. They also get the first good number of the musical, It's a Swell Country, which was made for this special but I honestly coudln't tell as it's really good and like "Mean Green Mother From Outer Space" should be added to future stage versions. IT's a fun song about how it's a "Swell country" for criminals, and will be even more swell once they take care of superman

Back at the planet, Lois interviews Abner Sedwick. Sedwick tells lois MIT has death ray and Clark overhears, becomes superman and easily takes care of it. He seems to have foiled Sedwick's grand scheme.. but it turns out having him stop the death ray was part of it.

Later in Sedwick's office he gets a solo revenge, this weird shatner style number where he sing talks a lot. And also actually sings. Sedwick however.. is the best. He talks to the audience a lot and his motivations are hilariously petty: he just abrubtly reveals why he wants to rule the world: to destroy sweden. And why? Because he keeps coming in second place for the noble prize. Ten years in a row. I honestly think at this point their doing it just to fuck with him and are doing so at their peril.

Turns out Max was there the whole time and pieced it all together.. and it also turns out he dosen't care that Sedwick is evil as he also wants to kill superman. I've seen worse meet cutes, i'll take it.

Max comes back to the office and we get what Jess perfectly described as

The Woman for the Man is a good song and works well out of context, a lot of these songs do, but my god is it uncomfortable to watch two minutes of a guy hitting on a woman who just.. is not interested while he does not get it. Reminds me of what a younger me might of become had he been a bit more of a douche and ab it less awkward and I don't care for it. Lois tells max to fuck off and he vows revenge on superman because it's superman's fault his sexual harassment no jitsu didn't work for the 80th time.

So while the cartoon mobsters decide Sedwick might be worth kidnapping because superman is gun proof, Max blows off Sydney

To go talk to sedwick who reveals his plan which is honestly, especially for something like this... really clever. Superman's too powerful to beat normally.. so their going to break him mentally.

Clark has other problems though as we get

With You've got Possiblities. The song itself.. is utterly fantatsic. I'd actually heard this one around but never knew it was from a superman musical. it's an utter classic, being hilaroiusly dismissive and Swit's super 70's version works. And unlike other rearrangments while i'll admit the original is better.. this one's still good and there's more reason to do this "update": the original is such a big song, you kinda HAVE to make it your own and Swit does.

That said the gag for the first half is that Clark isn't intrested... and Sydney won't take no for an answer. Clark DOES come around eventually.. but it's still deeply uncomfortable, even more than the max stuff as it's clear they aren't on clark's side here like they were with lois.

Clark and Sydney hook up.. and then this never really comes up again because they presumibly cut that part of the plot out for time.

So we get Sedwick's plan: he's going to put a bomb under city hall

Again it's clever: the death ray was so he could plausably throw a celebration for superman at MIT , and then blow up city hall at the same time. now he has Max, Max can slander superman in the media for missing the attack and this will destroy him mentally.

The two then sing you got what I need aka

Yeah there's no way around this Max and Sedwick are gay as hell and this musical number is gay as hell and being bi as hell I love every minute of it. Suddenly the two villians just come off like their going to make out any second from now and given their both asepects of lex luthor it works. I honestly wish they had end up together: their both egotistical, petty and hate superman. It's a great foundtaion for a relationship.

They get interuptted by the mobsters, btu Sedwick decides he wants kids after he realizes their ALSO after superman. Well henchman.. same thing really. Either way their adopting these sterotypes.

We then get back to the planet as Lois falls in love with clark because he's always there.

Yeah once again they just.. step up a subplot for time's sake. She sings a song about it. Once again it's not great. I do not know why they kept this subplot, it impacts nothing. The syndey thing really impacted nothing. This musical is somehow a LOT happneing, max and sediwick's evil plan, falling in love and adopting a family of mobsters, sydney and clark, lois and clark, sexual harassment, more sexual harassment, blowing up sweden, and also nothing of consequence happening and i'm somehow here for it.

So with clark kent happy it's naturally time for the universe to shit on him.. wait no that's peter parker. The Universe is going to take a steamer on clark's life anyway as our power couple pull off their plan, with superman at his celebration and meeting Jerry and Joe, two hippies based on Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, superman's creators. it's a sweet touch that only gets sweeter later, but for now the explosion happens and Sedwick's able to turn the crowd against him thorugh the power of "comic book unvierse characters can be real dicks"

Superman is now hated and clark's frustrated, while Sydney is fed up with max's crap and gies us a song. And for once.. it actually DOES feel necessary this scene is happening. Not only is max kidnapped during it but it gives payoff to sydney's crush on max

The song is the underrated "Oh Do You Love You" a REALLY fun song i'm shocked didn't blow up like you got possibilities. It's one long take that at max's ego and it is AWESOME. Loretta Swit can REALLY sing and while she got to show it off with possibiliteis she really gets to go all out here.

Max is abudcted during it as Sedwick thinks he's superman. Max asks "Husband are youf ucking high", pointing out the obvious: why would he do all this frame superman shit if he was. They figure out it's clark, they always forget about him, as did Sedwick's computer, so Sedwick heads to clarks to finish off their foe while Max has lois kidnapped.

We then get another song.. and sadly another weak one. Seriously this musical bounces between all time bangers and "please god make it stop" The Strongest Man in the World is about superman's vunerablility which SHOULD work and I like the staging of him changing into clark as he does it, but the awkward singing and

Suck the energy out of it.

Sedwick shows up and reveals he' knows who clark is. He then proceeds to psychologically break him, accusing him of pretending to be clark as a gag, being a hero to lord his power and of being a freak. This leaves superman in a super depression and thus he can't rescue lois when the mobsters kidnap her.

It's then the table turns as everybody betrays everybody. We also get another lois song and I genuinely feel terrible for Lesley Ann WarreN: Three numbers.. and all of them awful. Moving on Sediwck betrays max and then is betrayed by the mobsters who even give their king boss the award for best criminal just to make sedwick feel worse. Id ont' remember him teling them about the noble prize thing but he's also the kind of guy who strikes me like he'd bring it up every chance he got.

Superman then.. goes.. to drown himself...

Yeah just.. the fuck. I get it was the 60's/70's, these jokes were okay but it's just a weird turn. He also can't drown himelf because he has super lungs GET IT IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE CAN'T DIE BUT WANTS TO.

Thankfully this segues into the musicals best non musical scene: Joe and Jerry runn into supes again.. and upon seeing his crisis admit part of why they love him..is that he is a freak. He's not normal, he is diffrent. and that's okay. He gives hope to all the other "freaks", all the outcasts who need someone to cheer and to look out for them. He's the defender of the downtrodden

With his confidence back, superman arrives and we get the best number of the muiscal, Pow! Bam! Zonk! a gloriously cheesy number where Superman cleans house. It's a nicely silver age segment of superman giving plnety of one liners as he talks about how he's regained his sense of self and easily beats up the mobsters with some great funny bits like them shattering a blackboard over him or two using ONE MOBSTER AS A BATTERING RAM. I'ts one long fun sequence showing how awesome superman is and David WIlsons ings the hell out of it. It's cheesy, fun, and incredibly well coregraphed. A great climax.

In the end our hero triumphs, our villians have amnesia so their good now and max is good to syndey though maybe she'll consider a throuple with sediwick. DA END. Seriously it just kinda ends. Lois is back into superman, tha'ts it. Go home.

It's a Bird It's a Plane It's Superman is fun as hell. It's not super good: only a few jokes land... but it manages to be cheesy so bad it's super. It's got great numbers dotted with hilarously bad ones, goofily petty villians, wacky mafia mobsters, and a truly bonkers plot that while itnetionally so has aged to the point it's even more zany than intended. Add in a weird lack of superman, a truly awesome final number, and some goofy effects and title cards, and you have a good time. Well worth the 90 minutes. Check it out on youtube. Stick around for the commericals and thanks for reading.

#superman #it's a bird it's a plane it's superman #lois lane #clark kent #musical theatere #musicals #abc #dc comics #broadway

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iguessweallcrazyithinktho · 6 months

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Hey you don't have to post this if you don't want to ( cause people might get triggered or wtv the word is) .

I'm Palestinien and i would like to thank you for the support and love ur showing and also posting and sharing info with people 🤍

I need people to understand that what Isreal is doing has been going on for decades i'm 20 and i think if my dad didn't send me and my mother to Morocco ( North Africa if you don't know) i wouldn't be here today trust me .

Nobody will ever understand the pain and trauma we all have from waking up to bombs sirens and building falling down everyday some kids think that that's the norm that's how everybody lives and it breaks my heart . I've lost almost everyone in my family except my mom , my cousins my aunts but the biggest heartbreak was getting the news my dad died my whole world shattered and to this day i still can't take it . Idc if i get insulted or wtv but i hate Isreal and the Western world so much for the pain they caused us we don't deserve this we really don't what Hamas did was just retaliating man we've been through so much we can't take it anymore . You know how many people had to literally sold their kida to isrealis in hopes that they'll live a better life only to end up getting the news that their kids where killed because 'Oh no they're Palestiniens they're muslims they shouldn't exist' .

Like this probably don't make sense my english is not that good but i need people to understand that just because we're muslim don't mean we deserve this treatment nobody does i'm sick of muslims arabs africans getting mistreated because racist white people feel like they're somehow superior.

Anyways i'm sorry for the long blabbering i wish u have a good day again thanks for the love and support it means a lot🤍🤍🤍

I'm sorry about your dad and family members 💔 This whole thing is absolute horrific. It blows my mind how anyone can support this genocide. Palestinians deserve better

#if they want to get triggered then they can block me idc #free palestine till its backwards

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killuachii · 9 months

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I feel ashamed of dying.

An Itzy One Shot

Member: Chaeryeong

Concept: Feeling trapped in life, nowhere to go, no ambitions.

POV: Chaeryeong.

Sometimes I wish I could stop dreaming, because even my dreams show me dystopian things. I am a restless body. I am searching for recognition. The recognition everyone seems to get except me. Aren't I worth it? Everyone is moving on, while I am still stuck in the rat race. When will it be my time? When will people look at me and cheer for my existence? All I get is jealousy and hate.

I want to be free for once. I want to feel like I belong. I don't want to think "Why not me?", when I see them so loved and happy. I want to be happy too, but I could never tell anyone. I avoid my own feelings by chewing them down. But sometimes I can't swallow every emotion, sometimes it's too hard.

This time I bit off more than I can chew. Those negative emotions jump out of my mouth as if I am vomiting them. As if they don't belong in me and I agree. I wasn't born for these negative emotion. Every human was born out of love and for love. So why can't they love me? In your eyes I am nothing. I am a nobody longing for the title somebody. I am a body without shape or form. I live because I have to, not because I want to.

Everything is in shambles, only because I chose to believe everyone is good deep down. But I was wrong. I can't help but still believe that everyone is good, even though they hurt me. I believe they are hurt too. Instead of trying to fix the hurt, to live a life worth living, they break me down with that same hurt. They direct their hate towards me. They are envious of me. All they have is themselves, but at the same time aren't I as lonely as them? Should I follow in their steps and convert the hurt to hate? No, I don't have the heart in me to hate anybody, not even myself. But why do I still feel anger towards me, Lee Chaeryeong?

I know Lee Chaeryeong as someone who is ambitious and kind. Someone who tends to lie, when things get bad so she doesn't worry anyone. Someone who is naive and trusts people a lot, just to be disappointed and hurt. I resent Lee Chaeryeong because I am her. I know her every emotion. I know everything about her because after all I am her. But why are people resenting her, without even knowing her? It's jealousy.

I still believe Lee Chaeryeong will become someone great, I can't seem to stop loving her, even though I resent her so much. I am a hypocrite.

Everything in me is gray and dried out. Why do I feel so guilty? It isn't my fault everyone hates me. Everyone around me is the culprit not me. But why do I still feel so guilty?

Lee Chaeryeong is a selfish person. She doesn't care about anyone. She is ugly and worthless. She has no talent.

I came to realisation that I could only lose. As I was looking into the mirror I didn't recognise Lee Chaeryeong anymore. Who was this person in front of me? Why don't I know her? Who is she? Who am I? I don't know anymore. I lost myself and feel ashamed about it. I am ashamed I died.

∆∆∆

Another oneshot that has been in my drafts since last year :(

This story follows Chaeryeong through a depressive episode, where she feels lonely, sad and confused on what or who she is. She feels disgusted by the comments her haters make and it made her start to think the same. Looking at the other members not getting the same hate as her, she starts to feel isolated. She gulps down any emotion that could make her lash out on everybody. She believes everyone deserves kindness but at the same time she is conflicted because no one shares the same view as her. At the end she doesn't even recognise herself through all the hate she has received. She started to transform into the hate comments.

With this story I tried to symbolize that everyone can talk poorly about you, but you yourself see the real you. However, if you believe these hateful comments you will start seeing you transform into the form people want to push you to. This transformation shows that you were never what they told you you were. If you were all these things, you wouldn't transform into them.

thank you for reading!!!!!

#itzy #kpop #kpoponeshot #one shot #yeji #lia itzy #ryujin #chaeryeong #shin yuna

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bookofbonbon · 2 years

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dialogue prompt list: 1/?

A compilation of some of my fave dialogue prompts.

All creators have been credited + specific list linked as I've only taken the specific ones that I liked from the lists (a few prompts are very slightly altered).

post not rebloggable - happy to remove any if original creator wants me to.

@soulprompts (x)

" stop this. "

" let go of me. "

" you're gonna have to make me. "

" please don't do this. "

" don't make me do this. "

" i can't do this. "

" i won't let you do this. "

" i'm not gonna let that happen. "

" don't get in my way. "

" revenge won't bring peace for you. "

" you always knew this would happen, didn't you? "

" what's going on in that head of yours? "

" you do not turn against your family. "

" get up. "

" it's too late. "

" you can't do this. "

" i thought i might find you here. "

" it's over. we won. "

" it's over. you lost. "

" you can't protect any of them. "

" give me your hand. "

" i can't help you. "

" you can't help me! "

" i can't do this anymore... "

@kingsmemes (x)

‘ i won’t give up on you. ’

'of course. how could i not see it? ’

‘ we’re not done here. ’

‘ love isn’t for everybody. ’

‘ i see what’s happening here. you’re bored. you want a little attention. ’

‘ i suffered a long time waiting on you. ’

‘ help me make this right. ’

‘ we didn’t choose this. ’

‘ i had to burn it. all of it. ’

‘ did i frighten you? i’m awfully sorry, i didn’t mean to. ’

‘ you had your chance. ’

@soulprompts (x)

" get behind me... "

" stay here. "

" don't worry. everything's going to be alright... "

" when you love something, you protect it. "

" i'll keep you safe. "

" do everything that i say, and we might both live to tell the tale of this night. "

" close your eyes, you don't need to see this. "

" why wouldn't i save you? "

" of course i came for you... it would take far more than that to stop me. "

" there's nothing in this world, that would stop me from protecting you. "

" i knew you'd feel guilty; you do understand that i'd take a thousand wounds if it meant keeping you safe, don't you? "

" it's my job to keep you safe, yes, but you could work with me a little to make it easier. "

" protecting you isn't my duty. it's my privilege. "

“ why is it so difficult for you to believe that you deserve to be protected? “

“ you’re a good person. good people deserve to be safe. “

“ i’m going to protect you, now. because that’s what we do for the ones we love."

" it's alright... it's okay... i'm here now. i've got you. "

" it's all over now. don't panic. it's not my blood. "

@kingsmemes (x)

' don’t get in my way. ’

‘ don’t play friendly with me. ’

‘ i work alone. ’

‘ try to keep up. ’

‘ follow my lead. ’

‘ i’m following you. ’

‘ i have never heard such a stupid plan. ’

‘ great. you’re going to get us all killed. ’

‘ thanks for the advice. ’

‘ i’ve got your back. ’

‘ try not to die! or do, i don’t care. ’

‘ don’t get blood on my floor. ’

‘ this was supposed to be a stealth mission. ’

‘ they didn’t tell me i’d be working with an idiot. ’

‘ i hate this just as much as you, but we have to see this through. ’

‘ i’m not doing this for you. ’

‘ let’s not make a habit of this. ’

‘ you could’ve gotten yourself killed. ’

‘ i will leave you behind. ’

‘ i’m not leaving you behind. ’

‘ you started this thing with me, you’re ending it with me. ’

‘ we make a pretty good team. ’

‘ maybe we should do this more often. ’

‘ you’re not so bad yourself. ’

‘ try me. ’

‘ don’t push my buttons. ’

@soulmemes (x)

" you know, they say that crying has all these health benefits. "

" are... are these good tears? or bad tears? "

" you never need to apologize to me. ever. and certainly not for crying... "

" there you are! i was... hey... what's the matter? have you been crying? "

" oh, love... i wish i could take away all that pain from you... "

" you don't have to be so... stoic, all the time. crying isn't a sign of weakness, you know. "

" you heartless ass! you won't even shed a tear now?! "

" tears? seriously? how pathetic... "

" you can't just keep it all bottled up, you know? you gotta let it all out of you, otherwise you'll just explode. "

" hey, uh... come on now, huh? don't cry. it'll be okay. "

" sorry. i... i never know what to do when people start crying. "

" you don't have to be so strong all the time. i can be strong for the both of us, if you'd let me... "

" you know, i don't think i've ever seen you cry... "

" some people just don't cry that much. it's not a big deal. "

" no, no, i'm okay!! i'm better than okay! these are happy tears! "

" i'm just so tired of pretending everything's fine! "

" god, i'm sorry... i'm sure you didn't mean a shoulder to literally cry on, right? "

" of course i'm crying! i thought i'd lost you! "

" you... you won't tell anyone, will you? about me crying? "

" i, um... i didn't know where else to go... "

" thank you for listening to me. and for the tissues. and the tea... "

" godd, this is so embarrassing! i hardly ever cry... "

@flovprompts (x)

“ where were you last night ? ”

“ i saw you with that lady yesterday. ”

“ i’m fed up with your lies. ”

“ tell me the truth, now. ”

“ you are full of lies. ”

“ stop making excuses. ”

“ i saw you. i saw you two together! ”

“ what is your relationship with her? ”

“ you’re the worst at keeping secrets. how long did you think you could fool around and make ridiculous excuses without me noticing it? ”

“ i thought… i thought you were better than that. ”

“ i can’t even begin to understand why you would get into a relationship with her. ”

“ you couldn’t have gone for someone better than that? ”

“ why’d you have to go for her?”

“ you’ve got bad taste. ”

“ you’re a real mess. ”

“ how long? ” [a confused pause] “ how long have you two been in a relationship ?”

“ i’m telling mother about this. ” “ no, please don’t ! ”

“ what will you do if your family finds about this, huh? ”

“ how long do you think it’s going to take before your family finds out ? ”

“ i never expected this from you. ”

“ have you hit your head? ”

“ are you in your senses? ”

“ what have i done to deserve this? ”

“ why would you betray us like this? ”

“ you’ve disgraced me. ”

“ our reputation will be ruined. ”

“ you have made a fool out of us. ”

“ have you no respect for us? for me?”

“ we expressly forbade you . ”

“ you will cut all ties with her . ”

“ no more. you will stop this now, you will stop meeting with her. ”

@malabu (x)

“i don’t even remember why we used to fight so much.”

“just because i’m the bad guy doesn’t mean i’m a bad guy.”

“you’re not a bad guy. you’re actually kinda nice to have around.”

“why didn’t you kill me when you had the chance? “you know why.”

“you bring out the good in me.”

“please, for the love of god, shut up for once.” “why don’t you come over here and make me?”

“i wish i never acted the way i did towards you. i’m sorry.” “i know.”

“we’re not good for each other.” “why not?”

“i used to want to kill you.”

“i don’t like you. i can barely tolerate you.” “then why do you keep coming back?”

“no one has to know. it’s not like they’d believe us anyway.”

“it’s too late for me.” “no. i don’t believe that.”

“i’m tired of having to pretend we hate each other.”

“we can’t help who we fall in love with.”

“you’re annoying, you know that?”

@creativepromptsforwriting (x)

“You’re all I could think about.”

“I shouldn’t have left.”

“Please, let me in.”

“I’m tired and I’m scared.”

“Can’t you understand why that hurts me?”

“Some people don’t want to be saved.”

“I asked you not do this, but you did it anyway.”

“Don’t touch me!”

“It was all I had left of them.”

“I never really knew you.”

“I’ve always been alone.”

“It hurts, but I’ll live.”

“Please, tell me your ok.”

“I didn’t miss you as much as I thought I would.”

@vintunnavaa (x)

“It would be better if you stayed away from me.”

“Do you really want me? Or is this your way of getting back at my father?”

“There is no power in this world which can stop me from taking you away. All you have to do is say yes.”

“Perhaps this is the end of our story.”

“Why is this happening to us?”

“You have given me enough memories to last a lifetime.”

“Will we ever meet again?” “Maybe in another life.”

“If I ask you to kiss me in front of all these people, will you do it?”

“I have to go.”

“I am here to tell you that I cannot meet you anymore.”

@nightprompts (x)

❛ it should have been you. ❜

❛ wait for me, will you? ❜

❛ i can’t lose you again! ❜

❛ you were dead, i saw you die. ❜

❛ we won’t forget each other, right? ❜

❛ you already know how this will end. ❜

❛ it’s always my fault, isn’t it? ❜

❛ i love you, but you’re not mine. ❜

❛ you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you. ❜

❛ i never meant to hurt you. ❜

❛ their blood is on your hands. ❜

❛ i’m not ready to lose you yet. ❜

❛ i wish i met you sooner. ❜

❛ you’re the first friend i ever had. ❜

❛ you always push people away. i just thought you’d never do it to me. ❜

❛ everyone i’ve cared about has either died or left me. except for you. ❜

❛ i know i have a heart because i can feel it breaking. ❜

❛ they’re not coming back. ❜

❛ in my dreams, we’re still together. ❜

❛ you’re the one good thing left in this world. ❜

❛ it’s okay. you can let go. ❜

❛ you mean nothing to me. ❜

❛ it wasn’t supposed to end like this. ❜

❛ do you remember when we first met? ❜

❛ we’ll see each other again. ❜

❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜

❛ why does it feel like this is goodbye? ❜

@nightprompts (x)

❛ you think you know me, but the truth is, you don’t. ❜

❛ i’m fine. there’s nothing for you to worry about. ❜

❛ do you wish i was different? ❜

❛ i just, i don’t want anything bad to happen to you. ❜

❛ you deserve better than what you’ve got. ❜

❛ i guess we both lost something. ❜

❛ i’m not leaving you out here alone. ❜

❛ you don’t have to keep me company, i’m fine by myself. ❜

❛ i’m afraid of losing you, okay? ❜

❛ i know you probably hate me right now, and i get it. ❜

❛ yeah, you keep on telling yourself that bullshit. ❜

❛ i didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, i just have a lot on my plate. ❜

❛ you’re lucky you got away with only a scratch. ❜

❛ people like us don’t get to decide when we’re done. ❜

❛ i don’t know what’s the truth or what’s a lie anymore. ❜

❛ you’re not as bad as everyone says you are. ❜

❛ how is it that you’re never scared? ❜

❛ you think i’m weak because i’m not like you. ❜

❛ you wanted to be left alone, right? ❜

❛ how do you make the pain go away? ❜

❛ i hope you find the peace you’re searching for. ❜

❛ you’re avoiding the subject and you know it. what are you hiding from me? ❜

❛ you’re not at war anymore, you can come home. ❜

❛ it feels like you’ve been avoiding me. ❜

❛ what are you so afraid of? ❜

❛ you shouldn’t be out here by yourself. ❜

❛ why do you care? you could have just walked away. ❜

❛ i know you. how else do you think i found you so easily? ❜

❛ if it was the other way around, would you have come back for me? ❜

❛ i just thought you’d like some company. ❜

❛ are you jealous? want me all to yourself, do you? ❜

❛ i knew you had a heart. ❜

❛ can you look at me? please? ❜

❛ i don’t think i’ve ever seen you smile. ❜

❛ if you won’t take care of yourself, then who will? ❜

#dialogue prompt list

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futurewriter2000 · 2 years

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Things I'm going through but can't tell anybody:

I don't eat. I eat too little and that is mostly because of my father.

I haven't talked to my father in mo ths even though I live with him. I feel like I'm going to go crazy inside this apartment with him. The amaunt of hatred I have for this man, makes me want to cry. I can't look at him in the eyes, I can't eat his food and I can't be in his presence. I tell people I'm fine but this situation is really torturing me because I see other people having normal fathers and mine is just a selfish drunk, who hates me.

I'm in love with this boy, who we started as friends with benefits and I told him I have feelings for him multiple times but he always shut me down. Somehow, the times we ended things, the whole friends with benefits, we always came back together and I always feel stronger. My feelings for him are so strong he's the one thing I think about when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I dream of him and he's constantly in my head. Now, what I'm doing js avoiding him because I do deserve better than the way he's treating me but it's hard when you love somebody like that. He's became my person through all this year. He became my best friend... And now I have to prepare myself to lose all of that.

I'm the saddest person. I know people see me as funny and happy and a bit crazy but that's all the mask I wear because I deel like I cannot be volnurable with the person I truly am, which is sad. People don't like sad people. They pity them and I do not want to be pitied but deep down I am so sad. Icannot tell you the amaunt of sadness I carry inside of me. I just do. I'm not depressed... I'm just always so sad.

I wish I lived with my mum but my mom doesnt care. She broke a promise by saying she will get an apartment and bring me to her but it's been four years and I stopped expecting that 2 years ago. I love my mom like the world but I'm so mad because she left and now all she saying is "Just get out oft here as soon as possible." Like you're supposed to take me with you! You're supposed to save me from this but you didn't. All you do is 3njoy your own life and dictate mine like its that easy. Do you know how many things I cant do because of the way my parents are? The way my father is? Of course, other people can judge me why I still don't have a drivers license and why I act the way I do and why I needed to add one more year to finish one of the hardest schools everbut they never lived what I lived through and they mever experienced what I did. Most people that judged me had parents that gave them everything, that took away their worries. Mine give them to me. I was taking care of my own finances since I was 15. I started working when I was 17. I had no money for a coffee, for a drink, for anything. It was tortuous being a kid of these two parents. But nobody will ever understand what's it like living a different life than them. And nobody will understabd what's it like not having everything served on their plate and doing everything by yourself since you were 15 year old. Nobody will understand how alone it has felt for 7 years, with no help, nobody to believe in you but everybody discouraging you and judging you and letting you know how stupid you are because you take longer to accomplish things than most people. Well, I do a lot of things by myself with 0 help from anybody. Not a single effort. Everything I do is by myself, every single percent. So I am a sad and angry person deep down and nobody knows that... Because nobody really cares.

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longlivelevi · 3 months

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One day I hope

you understand how much I loved you. How much my soul danced on the altar of devotion it built for you. How every thought was of how much it cared, worried, celebrated for you. How the inner child felt that it finally found somebody to be its keeper. A real person, and not another fragment of a fragmented soul. How much trust it put into you. A trust that was so pure, it could have crippled the entire existence of this world if it was given a chance to bloom. The images, the visions, the musings, the hopes, the dreams.

I allow myself to mourn today. I allow myself to mourn because the days of blankly staring into nothing, and tears falling from my eyes is too much. I allow myself to be a human being. I allow myself to feel today because I have gotten to the point where I am strong enough to feel the overwhelming crashing of waves. I allow myself to feel peace because if I didn't, my friends would love to do nothing but come with me and burn you alive for what you did.

Was it the insecurity? Was it really about Kim? Was it about Luz? Or was it about Cielo? What really was the problem? These days I wonder if you really knew me if you could assume so wrong about who I was. Maybe you're the actual idiot. Maybe it's been you who was dumb all this time. And maybe I was just feigning to be the idiot to make everybody else feel better because I hated myself. Because I wanted so badly to never accept who I was.

That I so callously and selfishly threw away the gifts bestowed to me - the touch of Midas that exists in my mind to inspire, inflame, and intrigue. How the words dance on the page for me. The rhythm of songs continue to linger in my heart. And the dying hopes of unknown children live in my soul. The songs that have been written since you were gone, the pages of eternity alchemized waiting for your return, the poems I wrote for you that meant nothing, and a split soul that now just has to find reason to go on every day.

You wonder why I won't make the first move. Why it seems I have so much pride? I have no pride. I have no ego. I just have to stick with the promise I made, and that's to survive. Not for myself, but for those that desperately need the sun I will provide. I can't devote myself to anybody or anything that can't even do the same for me. It doesn't matter anymore because love is fictitious. It only exists because of the people sent here with the capacity. It exists because I exist. But I know it isn't real because if I stopped loving people, then all everyone is left with is preconditioned responses. And if love is all about method, then it is method. Acting.

I didn't cry typing any of this. That's a damn shame. This is the type of day I wish a katana blade could be ran through my skull, but knowing me... I'd probably move to the side these days. I live for too much now, too many people. I don't feel empty. But sometimes I can feel the grave my inner child is buried in and I feel this immense void inside of me. As if they died for absolutely nothing. They died because the insecurities of a little girl decided they didn't deserve to exist. That thought can't even make me cry anymore. What happened to me?

I miss who I was. They were weak, fragile, neurotic but they were pure. They were so pure. They were hanging by the edge, and I so callously gambled their life into your hands. That is something I will always have to take responsibility for. That I chose you. I believed in you. I trusted you. And all it did was end in me crying in Brian's house in front of Cielo. And making the rage in me even more prominent. I miss the little kid so much. He would get hurt by the slightest of words, but that was pure.

I allow myself to be a human being. I allow myself to be emotionally devastated. I allow myself to be vulnerable. Strength can be found in our pain. Truth can be found in our shame. I'm going to live life like this because I simply don't give a fuck anymore. Let everybody know my sins, let everybody know my failure, let everybody know the days I would pray for absolutely nothing because that's what I got - absolutely nothing.

Accept me as the sun, and I will show you the way. And then after that, promise to dim my light and let me sleep, please.

destiny, embrace

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artificii-in-ceata · 6 months

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Fireworks in the Fog dashboard simulator LET'S GO jump in the bandwagon!!!

🥀 ladylazarus1991 Follow

Mar 8, 2014

Sorry I was gone for a while my old account got nuked for posting "graphic content" (can't handle seeing a little gore??!! Like sorry but that's literally my coping mechanism???)

Anyway I initially planned to quit Tumblr forever and work on my mental health but I just realised that today is Mother's Day so that plan obviously goes out the window. My stepmom is literally the nicest person ever though so I should get her something. I just wish I could forget my bio mom forever. I wish she knew how much one word can ruin a child's life permanently, I wish I had the power to make her feel the same hurt, but I never will! Any insult I might throw her way will never as much as touch her, but her telling me I'm... UNWANTED... when I was just 4... honestly can anybody blame me for the way I am. I should tell this to my therapist I guess. I mean that kind of applies to everything I post on here. If she saw this she'd say I'm not trying to do any progress. I don't care!!! I just wish to bite someone right now I swear. Maybe revenge will fix me after all...

#vent #depression #trauma #abusive parents

4 notes

🥀 ladylazarus1991 Follow

Mar 9, 2014

@ everybody saying they thought I was dead: nope, I was just back and forth between the hospital and the psych ward and the therapist, you know the drill. If there's one thing I'm happy about it's that I at least got my first job recently so now I feel less like the biggest loser on the planet haha.

And thank you everybody for the concern. Don't worry about me, though, I really am well on my way to recovery but yesterday I got really triggered, but I'm fine now. By the way, I did cut my toxic bio mom out of my life, or more accurately she left us and never looked back many years ago. But you guys are right, I shouldn't let her live rent free in my head!! And yes, my real family are wonderful and they love me very much. I sometimes focus on hating myself too much and forget how much they actually care about me, but they really do.

Shoutout to my sister. It's convenient that she studied psychology cause she can talk to me in a way that I understand. When I was at my lowest, she told me that I'm a fighter and should use this in my favour, to fight against death. It didn't click at the time but I think I get it now. If I have to live out of spite, I WILL. I'm going to make all the people who hurt me seethe because they couldn't bring me down.

Shoutout to my brother for helping me accommodate to my new job. And shoutout to dad for being so patient and understanding all the time. It makes me so mad that he could ever blame himself for my being mentally ill, when it was our "mom", his ex, that made us feel worthless. Good on dad for getting away from her as soon as he did, and for eventually finding love again - he absolutely deserves it. And stepmom (but I just call her mom cause it's been many years since she and dad got married) is such a sweetheart. I got her some nice earrings yesterday and she loved them.

I suppose I do feel better right now. Call that practicing gratitude haha

#personal #depression recovery #mindfulness

5 notes

#fireworks in the fog #madalina #girlblogging the main plot

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friendlyneighborhoodmomfriend · 1 year

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"If you weren't there, you missed out big time"

Thanks for reminding me of how bad I wished I was there but I'm 800 miles away. Thanks for reminding me that the one thing I want in this world can never fucking happen, and it shatters my heart into millions of pieces. I want to be at every single one of your shows you're either performing or attending, but guess fucking what? I physically can't and I FUCKING HATE IT. There are literally not enough words in the English language to describe how much it physically pains me that I can't come out to your shows. My chest literally hurts when I have to miss out on your fucking shows. I wholeheartedly love that you're getting all of these endorsements and playing shows because you're amazing and deserve all of the attention and exposure...but I can't help but cry my fucking eyes out every time I see a new show announcement because it'll be another show that I once again miss out on and wishing I could be there so bad. I'm jealous and envious of every single person and band that gets to see you perform and play said show with you because I want that more than anything. Especially since I supported your band before you even had a fucking name. I should have been the first to see you guys play a show, but I missed out because I'm 800 fucking miles away. I feel like I'm never going to see your band play a show. I feel like we're never going to play a show together either. Yeah, when I came down to visit, I watched you guys practice, but it wasn't the fucking same as a show setting. Your singer wasn't even there, so it didn't fucking count. All I want in this life is to share the stage with you just once...but I'm bitter and angry that it will never fucking happen, and all I can do is cry. This is why I wish I didn't have dreams about things that make me this happy, especially when it's physically, financially, logistically, and irrationally impossible to make said dreams come true. So when you post "if you don't come to this you're missing out," I feel like I'm getting stabbed in the heart. It's a soul crushing reminder that I'm forced to miss out when you know damn well how bad it fucking hurts that I can't be there. It's a soul crushing reminder that everybody who lives closer can experience the one thing I never will. And I know you're gonna forget about me if/when your band takes off in the future. I'm never gonna hear from you anymore. Especially since you've literally gained over a thousand Facebook friends within the last eight or nine months. These new friends, fans, and potential girlfriends, are going to take up all of your time and attention, so I'll hear from you for like what, a few minutes here and there? I get left on read/delivered and will have to wait 18+ hours to get a response back from you, yet you're perfectly capable of responding to everyone else almost immediately. You message people while we're video chatting together. I see you active on Messenger all fucking day and I see you laugh reacting to other people's memes, care reacting to these other girls' sadgirl attention-seeking posts, heart reacting to these other girls' selfies, new profile pictures, etc, so don't you fucking dare lie to me about "being so busy" that you "didn't get a chance" to message me back. Remember, I spent an entire week with you. Unless you were passed out by 6:30/7pm, you were on your phone texting people nearly the entire time even though we haven't hung out in over a year and a half. So, I know you see my messages. I'm just not important enough to respond to, even though I'm apparently your "best friend." You don't interact with any of my posts anymore, even though I'm apparently your "best friend." Oh wait, that's right, I'm only your best friend when it's convenient for you. I'm only your best friend when people you'd rather talk to/hang out with aren't available. Now that you're getting Facebook famous now with your thousand friends, my posts probably don't even show up on your newsfeed anymore. Or maybe they do, but you just don't care.

Hope you're fucking happy. Remember who was there for you when you were on the verge of ending your own life.

Remember who was there for you when no one else was.

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iamloveandlightsworld · 2 years

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I had an okay day

The last month I've been talkative and not too down

But then like a switch

I feel like I'm being pulled under the water again

My mind is chanting stick a knife in your throat

You're disgusting

I hate looking myself in the mirror

I haven't been drinking water

So ofcourse my face looks like a monster

I haven't been moving ofcourse my body is disgusting

I don't have a personality ,I'm as bland as they come

I'm a fraud,an imposter

I'm a bad person who loses interest in people and then blame them for not caring enough

I'm pathetic because I expect people to care when I'm already pushing everyone away

Lately most shows I watch with mum there has been a suicide

And she'll comment something like Amejiua

And she has zero awareness that I am thinking and planning on how to die

There are so many people who have potential and are good people and have the will to live but they die

I wish I could give them my life

You might be wondering..ah..she was so weak and such a coward..did she expect us to read her mind...why didn't she ask for help...she knows we love her and we supported her

Maybe I'm wrong

I'm a lazy ass bitch who can't get off her ass and look for work

I've wasted everybody's time and money

Mum and dad must have spent a fortune on my education

But lil sad Gin...poor Gin...just take your meds and integrate into society and stop being so pathetic

You expect people to wake up and serve you

What a joke....can I just sleep and never wake up again

Why am I so resistant to God

People seem to have their lives together when they believe and trust in God

I don't really try to make an effort to get to know him

The being in charge of me

The being who supposedly loves me so much he brought me to existence to fulfill some type of purpose when I'm on earth....the one who will send my soul straight to an eternity of pain and misery

Gin...you think being this privileged is so miserable

Wait till you're in purgatory and burning in hell for an eternity

Why the fuck are you so resistant

I think it's because I'm exhausted

I don't want to be helped

Maybe I deserve an eternity for suffering

You're nothing but a waste of space

Taking up oxygen that someone else needs

Like I lie in bed and let mum slave herself with house chores

Like Fuck Gin....you could at least be helpful if you're going to lazy around in bed and eat free food and get free shelter and clothes and electricity and comfort

I mean why the fuck do you feel like you're suffering

What the fuck is wrong with me

JUST TAKE THE KNIFE AND PLUNGE IT IN YOUR HEART

YOU DESERVE A PAINFUL DEATH

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SISTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD NIECE

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD GRANDCHILD

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD HUMAN

SO HURRY UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY

THE MORE YOU PRETEND PEOPLE NEED YOU

THE MORE IM HURTING THEM, NO ONE NEEDS YOU

I MEAN THEY WILL BE HURT AND BETRAYED BY MY SELFISHNESS 😂😂😂🤣SEE EVEN IN DEATH YOU ARE A MISERY TO EVERYONE‼️

YOUR COALS TO BURN YOU ALIVE FOR ETERNITY ARE ALREADY BEING LIT

I MEAN I DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL

IM NOT EVIL

I DONT WANT TO BE ON LUCIFER'S OR GOD'S SIDE

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ON ANYONE'S SIDE

I DONT WANT TO EXIST

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK GOES ON AFTER ONE DIES...BUT CAN I JUST PLEASE DISSAPPEAR AND CEASE TO EXIST

LOOK AT YOU GIN

RUNNING AWAY FROM LIFE LIKE A COWARD

AND ALSO TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM MY PUNISHMENT

I FEEL LIKE I CANT BREATHE

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED SO HARD

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMAN SOCIETY

YOU SEXUALITY

YOUR MINDSET

NO ONE NEEDS SUCH FILTH,DIRTY STAINS IN THEIR LIVES

I WAS HERE BUT I WAS NEVER HERE

YOU SAID HELLO ONCE OR TWICE

SO MY DEPARTURE FROM EXISTING SHOULDNT AFFECT YOU AT ALL

JUST ATTEND MY SENDING AWAY BTS THEMED "FUNERAL"...CRY A LITTLE...REMINISCE SOME OLD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES

FOR MY FAMILY...I AM EXTREMELY PROFOUNDLY SORRY TO MY FAMILY...I WISH I COULD ERASE MYSELF IN A NOT SO TRAUMATIC WAY..LIKE A PHYSICAL ILLNESS OR SOMETHING...THATS EASIER TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON

BUT MAYBE LEARN FROM ME

IT MIGHT BE PAINFUL

BUT PLEASE GROW CLOSER AS A FAMILY

STAND TOGETHER AND LOVE THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER

To be completely transparent and honest,Bangtan are a very high reason why I never stick a knife in my throat esp Park Jimin...I keep telling myself to wait and see what they do next....they will never know they had someone who loved them so much that they were my life jackets,my beam of light...they will never know of my existence as an individual and that's okay...it's been a great journey with them...they made me see the beauty of life but unfortunately the darkness won....I CAN BREATHE TOTALLY FINE BUT I CANT BREATHE....MY LUNGS ARE BURNING..MY MIND IS SCREAMING....DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE WHY WONT YOU DIE YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT....🤮🤮🤮YOU DISGUST ME..NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS LOVEABLE...WELL YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE..THEY CANT HATE YOU...GOD STRIKE ME DOWN..IM AN EMBARRASSMENT AND A WASTE OF SPACE, A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND ERASE ME...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND JUST MAKE ME DISSAPPEAR NEVER TO EXIST AGAIN..PLEAS HAVE MERCY ON ME AND FORGIVE ME

PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND DONT CONDEMN ME TO AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

GIN.....WHAT IS RHHSSUEYEHKSKAUJDJKDJWJEJJEJEJJEJWJJRJDJJAKSJDIIE...IM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE

PLEASE DONT HATE ME

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I don't own any of this photos credit to the original owners

#thoughts #negativeintrusivethoughts #self-deprecating #mental health #mentally drained #exhausted af #archive #late night thoughts

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theglitterypages · 3 years

Text

Title: Sweetheart Part 2

Pairings: Armin x fem! reader

Part One

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2000+

••••••

“Fix your postures!” you commanded, your hands are on your back as you walk in front of the Cadets. Levi stood behind you with a smirk on his face, he's been a little gentle with the Cadets these days but now that you're back to kick ass with him this would be so fun.

“Kirstein! Straighten up your back!”

Jean immediately obeyed while Connie was staring at you with wide eyes, this was not how they remembered you few days ago, you were soft spoken then, all sweet and all smiles but now they are seeing the tigress that Levi was talking about.

Levi was even more gentle in handling them because Levi rarely shouts yet his words carries heavy emotions but you, you can do both.

“She's the sister of the commander that's why she has the guts but I bet she's all cry and whine if she faced a Titan.”

You have a good sense of hearing and you heard what the Cadet has said about you, it wasn't the first time that someone underestimated you because of your gender and because you're Erwin's sister, it's one of the stereotypes, you don't actually mind but what you heard next took every single strand of patience inside you.

“Bet she's a good screamer in bed.”

Levi balled his hand into a fist, he may call you brat and have endless argumentd with you but he treats you like a sister and hearing the Cadets say those filthy words to you makes his blood boil but then when he saw how you tilted your head in both sides and how your eyes went blank he already knew that you can handle it yourself, you're not a simple girl after all so he let you do what you want.

Your eyes wandered around the Cadets, you were hurt by those comments, you hated being looked down just because they think you had it easy because of your brother when in fact you almost die a lot of times in the past and those wounds from Titan attacks heals in time but those words that serves as daggers stabbing your heart won't.

After a minute of searching you found the pair that you heard, the two men were standing beside Armin Arlert, it would've been a great view if the assholes weren't standing beside him, Armin Arlert's face screams peace, those blue eyes are calming.

“I bet she's been sleeping with the Captain.”

That was the last straw, Armin immediately threw hard punches towards the two guys who are both taller, and probably a couple of years older than him, he had enough of their dirty mouths, he knew that he's not suppose to do that but he couldn't stand them talking shits about you like that, his knuckles got red because of the impact and when he looked down at the two fellow Cadets, both their nose were broken as they lay flat on the ground.

Levi was shocked to see Armin straight up punch his fellow Cadets but he secretly smiled, he knew that the kid is promising. Everybody just need a little push to unleash their demons, seems like Armin Arlert has been unleashed just now.

Eren and Mikasa immediately went beside Armin to put a hand on his shoulders trying to calm him down silently, the blonde teen was heavily breathing, “I was taught by my grandfather to treat women right, you don't talk dirty shits about them like that, respect a woman the way you respect your Mother.” Armin growled through gritted teeth, he's surprised of the damage that he had done to the two men, those broken and bleeding nose gives him some sort of satisfaction but as he tore his blue eyes away from the two, he met your eyes.

You were frozen on your position, you were planning to do punch them first but Armin's action made you stop, you see the blonde guy as a soft one, the type of person who wouldn't even dare hurt a fly but here he is proving that he knows how to throw a good punch, when your gaze met, the anger on his eyes vanished, his face softened as his cheeks turned bright red including both of his ears.

With a small smile you made your way towards them, Connie, Jean and Sasha were standing behind Armin now too, checking up on him, you've deduced that he's like the baby in the group, suits him, he does look like a baby.

You looked down at the Cadets lying on the floor and grabbed their collars so you could lift them off the ground.

Everybody gasped at your action but no one dared to interfere. “I would love to have you two on our squad next expedition but we're the one leading the whole team which means...we're the first one to encounter titans and if we're unfortunate we'll be the first ones to get eaten too. I'll show you how I cry in front of the Titans then.” you let go both of their collars and let them land butt first on the ground.

You turned to Armin and smiled at him genuinely, “I appreciate your efforts for breaking their nose for me, Cadet. Thank you.” you smiled as you pat his head, Armin looked up at you with a smile, his cheeks flaming red, “It's natural human decency, M-Ma'am. No need to thank me.” you smiled at him and pursed your lips before walking away so you could go back to the center of the scouts.

“Captain Levi would take over now.”

Levi stood beside you and the Scouts saluted at him, “Take care of some written reports for me, brat.” he ordered and you nodded as a response as you walked away from the training grounds but before you could even went further, you heard grunts and gasps behind you.

You saw how the sole of Levi's boots collided with the face of the Cadets, you winced and bit your lower lip as you see how Levi kicked them hard.

“I'll make sure you two would learn how to respect your superiors now and women in general.”

You started to feel bad because you're damn sure their jaws would be dislocated because of Levi's signature kick but you remembered that they're assholes and they deserved it so you proceeded to go on and take care of the written reports instead of watching their ass get beaten.

°°°°

It was already dark when you've decided to take a walk to try and breathe some fresh air, you looked up at the dark sky, the moon was shining brightly.

Your eyes settled on the mysterious moon, you've always been fascinated of the moon, when you were a kid you often cry to tell Erwin that the moon is a creep because it keeps on following you, your brother would always hold back his laughter and would assure you that he'll protect you from the moon.

A part of you wishes that you two should've stayed as kids then, your brother has been seeking to find out the truth and as he gets closer to that truth, you're slowly losing him. You immediately wiped a tear away, you should just be happy for your brother and make sure he'll be safe, that would be enough.

You lifted your arms towards the sky as if reaching the moon, it is beautiful yet awfully frightening but the stars cast out those fears, as the stars shine brightly in the night sky you felt at ease and you smiled to yourself before putting your hands back to your pocket. It's getting colder now.

The cold wind embraced your whole and you shivered strands of your hair escaped from your messy hair bun. When the cold was too much for you to handle, wearing thin clothes is not a wise decision so you've decided to go back inside just to hear a hissing nearby, if you're right the hissing comes from the tree nearby.

Out of curiosity you slowly made your way towards the tree, you just silently prayed that it's not Cadets that are making out outside because you've witness a pair making out behind trees before and you wouldn't want it to happen again.

But as you got closer to the tree you confirmed that it wasn't a couple doing something nasty outside, it is an angel silently sitting down.

“Aren't you suppose to be sleeping by this time now?”

Armin's eyes widened as his head snapped on your direction, his mouth gaped open as while his brows raised in surprise. "I c-can't sleep Ma'am.” he stammered and looked away from you, not that he doesn't want to see you, it's just that the thin material that you're wearing is revealing your cleavage. He had to gulp and remind himself that it's not appropriate to look at women like that.

“Mind if I sit down beside you? I couldn't sleep either.”

“I-I don't really mind.”

When your arms accidentally brushed, Armin wanted to flinch but he didn't because he wouldn't want to offend you and when you looked at him you can still see how red his cheeks were even if it's dark. “Thank you for what you did, earlier. I don't really mind such comments anymore, it wasn't the first time and it probably wouldn't be my last either.” you chuckled bitterly, you've worked hard to be a skilled fighter so you could prove to everyone that you're not a woman living as your brother's shadows.

But sometimes life is fucked up, actually most of the time it is fucked up.

“You should inform Commander Erwin about it. I mean they're crossing the line, they're talking as if they know you.”

“How about you, do you know me?”

“It feels like...I do.” he silently whispered as he looked down on his hands, you followed his gaze and your mout gaped open when you saw that there's a bandage covering his knuckles. “By the walls, Armin...w-what happened? You shouldn't have done it, I could've taken care of them myself.” you grabbed his hand and examined it, not that you can see through those bandages but you just feel like doing so.

Armin could've taken away his hands from you but he didn't, feeling your soft skin against his is comforting, he's forgotten that he shed a tear when Mikasa put those bandages around his knuckles, he didn't break any bone but it's red and sore, he's not really cut out for scenarios like that but it was worth it because he was able to defend you at some way, in the little way that he could.

“It's just sore. I'm not really good at punching, you know. I used to get beaten up as a kid, they'll steal my food and Eren and Mikasa would come to rescue me but now, I finally...I finally get to do something for someone.”

“Why didn't you fight back before?”

“Because I can't and I'm not as brave. You know, when I came face to face with a Titan, I—I was frozen. Eren got eaten and it was fortunate that he's alive.”

You didn't notice that you stared caressing his knuckles as you listened but it seems ljke he doesn't notice too so you let it be, “But look at you now, I've heard from Erwin that you're a smart one. You've figured out who is the female titan right?” Armin looked at you and his blue eyes widened in shock as he saw how close you two were.

He knew that in one wrong move he can finally know how would it feel to have your lips press against his, if he'll move his head forward maybe he can feel how soft those lips are.

But he stayed back, he respects you. He's attracted to you but he knows his boundaries, his grandfather told him to grow up as a gentleman and all that and he thinks of Mikasa, if Mikasa would be treated so inappropriate by a man he wouldn't like that, he wouldn't like that to happen to his sister.

That's why he would behave himself around you and he'll choose to be contented of just staring at you, it's more than enough.

“W-Well it was a gamble and I was already late...it was—”

You kissed his cheek to shut him up. The poor guy looked at you as his whole face reddened, both his ears flaming up.

“W-Why d-did you do that?” he whispered as he looked away.

“I just want to. Can you promise me one thing?” you asked as you leaned away, Armin looked at you with curiosity before he opened his mouth to respond, “It depends, make me promise something that I can fulfill.” he told you. When he promised someone, he'll always make sure that he can fulfill because he hates it when promises are broken and he wouldn't want to break any promise to anyone, especially to you.

“Each one of us has our own expertise, I want you to focus on yours and if you find yourself in a fucked up situation, don't hesitate to go to me, call out my name or somethin', I have your back now, Armin.”

“Then call out my name too if you need me.” Armin told you bravely, he doesn't have any idea why he felt this way but the moment he saw you after bumping into you, he already know that he's attracted, he told Eren about it, Eren teased him and he's not amused, not that he hates it but he's afraid that you'll hear.

He often watch you from afar, most of the times you are found with the Captain, probably why some thinks the two of you are in a relationship but as you sat beside him under the moonlight, his heart was filled of hope.

“Good night then, sweetheart.” you whispered as you gently press your lips on his cheeks again, as usual, he was frozen and you stood up to walk away so you could go back inside already.

Armin followed you with his gaze as a sweet smile made its way across his lips, his eyes sparking with glee.

“Good night, sweetheart.” he whispered.

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meganlpie · 3 years

Text

I'll Wait for You

Based on this request: can I get one with fili x reader, but reader likes Kili but it’s unrequited because he likes Taruiel, and so Fili steps in at like a banquet thingy they’re having for reclaiming the mountain? And just shows her that he loves her and that he’s been waiting for her. Please and thank you

Here you are! I do not own Fili. He belongs to Tolkien.

Warnings: Angst, Unrequited love, a little short. Everybody lives AU

Pairings: Fili x fem!reader (No pronouns are actually used for the reader though)

Fili felt his heart breaking as he watched you looking at his brother with such sad eyes. This was probably one of the worst days of your life. A celebration for reclaiming the mountain and…Kili's engagement. Fili never in his life thought that he would fall in love with someone who loved his brother.

It felt wrong in some ways, like he had no right to feel the way he did for you. Yet, Kili wasn't oblivious to your feelings for him. You had told him yourself and had given him time to accept or reject you. He never gave you a real answer, but instead got engaged to someone else. You didn't blame him. You knew how important finding their "One" was to a dwarf, but Fili knew you were still hurt by it.

When Kili and Tauriel stood to dance, you let out a sigh. Tauriel looked a little uncomfortable, but smiled regardless and Kili only had eyes for the she-elf. That was too much for you. You got up slowly and quietly, trying not to draw attention to yourself. Fili hated seeing you like this.

"Would you care to dance, Y/N?" he asked. He expected you to decline, really he did, but it was his way of telling you that you weren't alone. That he was there at least as friend. That was all he could hope for from you. You looked to the floor and Fili gently used his fingers to tip your chin back up. "Hey, you don’t have to. If you'd like, we can grab some mead and head outside. I know you like it out there." You gave him a smile as tears began to well in your eyes. "I'd like that," you whispered. Fili dropped his hand and grabbed two tankards of mead before leading you outside.

Under the stars, you seemed to breathe a little bit easier which made Fili happy. He hated seeing you so tense and upset. Fili handed you one of the tankards before sinking down to the ground. You took a moment before doing the same. Without even thinking, you leaned your head on Fili's shoulder, breaking his heart a little bit more.

"I'm happy for him," you whispered. Fili laughed lightly and shook his head, ruffling your hair a bit. "No you aren't. You don't have to lie to me." A soft sigh escaped your lips. "I am happy he found his One, Fili. I just wish he'd have given my feelings some thought before just suddenly deciding to marry her. He could have said anything, but he didn't. Am I not worthy of at least that much?"

"He's an idiot. His One is important, of course, but you are too. He doesn't deserve your heart or your tears, Amrâlimê." You stiffened hearing the term of endearment fall so easily from his lips. You sat up and Fili swore in Khuzdul under his breath.

"What did you call me?" you asked even though you knew exactly what he'd called you. Another curse slipped from Fili. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I truly am." Your brows furrowed and you asked him why he'd called you that. Fili let out a groan as he raked a hand over his face. "Fi?"

"Because I love you," his whispered answer hit your ears like the loudest horn you'd ever heard. Fili took a shaky breath before continuing, "I said nothing because I saw how you felt about Kili. You are worth far more that what he's done to do. You do not have to say anything. Your heart is broken and you are hurting."

"What do you want from me?" you asked. "Nothing. I want nothing from you. I know better than to expect anything. I simply needed you to know that you are more than worthy of a real love that Kili would not and now cannot give you. I needed you to know that you are not alone. I am here for you, whether you ever return my affections or not."

You shot up from you spot, mead spilling onto the grass beneath your feet. "I-I can't do this right now." You didn't give him a chance to say anything in his defense, not that he could have. You simply ran back inside, probably to your chambers. Fili brought his knees up and rested his elbows on them. He placed his head in his hands. He cursed himself for being so stupid. Now he was certain you would absolutely never return his love and it was all his fault. But even with that thought crushing his heart, he knew that he would wait for you.

(a/n: I hope you liked it!)

#tolkien #the hobbit #everybody lives au #fili #fili xreader

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mrsseverussnape · 3 years

Text

Love Is You - chapter 7

Scarlett woke up quite early this morning. She was feeling pretty good, apparently talking with someone and going out were pretty much what she has needed. She wanted to return the favour by preparing Severus's breakfast this morning. She dressed up and headed to the kitchens. She wasn't the brightest chef so just made cheese toast, scrambled eggs, cherry tomatoes to the side and fresh orange juice. She took the tray and headed to Severus's room happily. It was hard to hold the tray and knock on the door at the same time but she managed to do it without causing a mess. Severus opened the door couple of minutes later with a sleepy look on his face and a messy hair.

"Oh, i guess i woke you up this time..."

"We are even now. Come in." Severus showed her the table and she put the tray on.

"Today's breakfast is from me, hope you like it."

"It looks delicious, thank you." He sat down after her and took a bite of his toast.

"I did improve my kitchen skills tiny bit, i can show you sometime." Scarlett grinned proudly. She was not the best in the kitchen since her family always had house elves for the cooking. And when she was together with Severus, he was doing most of the cooking and he had a talent for it. His caramel brownies were Scarlett’s favourite.

"If you say so, i am excited to see then."

"Don't get your hopes too high tho."

"Ah i already did, they changed from 1 to 1,5." Severus smirked at her.

"You are a jerk Severus!" Scarlett chuckled and slapped his leg lightly.

He laughed, he loved to annoy Scarlett like that. "Jokes aside thanks for the breakfast Scarlett."

"My pleasure." She smiled softly. "I better leave so you can do whatever you want, i already woke you up early on a Sunday morning." She stood up to leave. Her mood has started to change, she felt like she’s being a burden for him.

"It is totally fine, i normally wake up early anyways. Last night i marked some papers so i went to bed quite late."

"Rest then. You already spent the last two days with me and i was pretty tiring with my nonsense."

Severus shook his head in disapproval. "I like spending my time with you Scarlett. We can all have problems time to time, life is not always easy and fun so don't feel guilty or anything."

"You do me good Severus, i feel better when i am with you..."

Hearing those words made his heart melt. He was very happy that he was actually being helpful to her.

"I will take the dishes and come back then. And meanwhile you can get dressed." She smiled and fixed his messy black hair slightly.

"Thanks..." Severus smiled shyly while she was leaving.

~~~~

Scarlett was walking back to Severus's chamber when she came across with Professor McGonagall.

"Ah Scarlett i was looking for you! You need to go to Albus's room; you have a guest."

"Guest? Who is it?" Not many people knew she was staying at Hogwarts so she wasn’t expecting any guests.

"The new deputy minister."

Now Scarlett had a even more confused look on her face so McGonagall continued. "I know you are not in the mood for such meeting, so i tried to send him back but he was pretty persistent."

"That's weird but i guess i have to meet him... Thank you Minerva." She smiled and headed to Dumbledore's room. She knocked and walked in after hearing the headmaster’s invitation.

"Oh hello Scarlett! Someone wants to meet you, i will leave you alone." Dumbledore greeted her and then left, leaving her alone with the new deputy minister. The tall man has stood up, Scarlett took a look at him and first thing came to her mind was he was looking like a human version of a husky dog with blond hair. His light blue eyes were so piercing and made her feel uncomfortable in a way.

"Hello Miss Rose. I am Amos Langley, the new deputy minister." He held his hand out for her to shake.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Langley." She shook his hand but his grip was strong enough to hurt her hand.

He looked at her head to toe attentively. He has seen her before but mostly on newspapers and magazines. She was the type of woman who so many men would dream of to be with. Even though she wasn’t looking her best right now, she still had the captivating aura. "I heard the news. It's such a shame you've been cheated on, you are such a beautiful and intelligent woman Miss Rose." Amos sent a tiny smirk to her way while sitting down. She was feeling extremely uncomfortable with him and just wanted this meeting to end as quickly as possible.

"My personal life is none of your business and I am asking you to be respectful. Beside that I am guessing you didn't come here just to meet me Mr. Langley, may i ask what's the real reason? Because i don't have much time." Scarlett replied firmly.

"I thought you have plenty of time Miss Rose since you are unemployed now. Anyways, the real reason is that i want to abolish a law which you legislated."

"You know you can do it without asking me, right?"

"I know but the minister wanted me to consult you first, he is still very fond of you Miss Rose." He made an unamused expression.

"Which law is that?"

"The one that causing death eaters to serve in Azkaban for rest of their lives."

"Why would you want to change that one?" Scarlett raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"I think it is very cruel to put someone in jail because they chose a different side than the majority."

"It is not about choosing a different side but the side they chose murdered innocent people and caused a war."

"Everybody deserves a second chance Miss Rose, even the "bad" ones."

"I am not the decision maker anymore; you can do whatever you want since you are the new deputy minister but if you ask me i don't think this law should be abolished." Scarlett stood up, she had enough of this man.

"Thank you for sharing your opinion Miss Rose but like you said, you are not the decision maker anymore. I just come here because the minister wanted it."

"Well okay then. Have a good day."

"You too Miss Rose, you too." Amos Langley watched her go with a challenging look on his face.

~~~~

Scarlett was so confused and annoyed, it was such a weird conversation and made her extremely uncomfortable. She went to Severus's room directly after it ended.

"I thought you got lost on the way." Severus said while letting her in.

"New deputy minister came here to "meet" me. But it was actually a showdown." She sat on a chair while murmuring angrily.

"By looking at your face, i am guessing you didn't like him?" Severus sat in front of her.

"I hated him. Severus he was just... so weird."

"What do you mean?"

"He kept calling me "Miss Rose" in an annoying tone, literally crushed my hand while shaking it, mentioned the cheating situation and he wants to abolish the law that i made about death eaters."

"I wasn't expecting that much fuckery to be honest. What is his problem?"

"I don't know but i got such a bad vibe from him, something is off with him but i can't put my finger on. I will write a letter to the minister later."

"That's a good idea. Don’t think much about him, probably he was just trying to annoy you."

"He was so weird..." she mumbled to herself once again.

~~~~

Around 8 pm Carina and Remus turned back to Hogwarts after spending their weekend with Sirius.

"I will come with you, i want to see Scarlett as well." Remus followed Carina to her chamber.

"Sure, uncle Rem, hopefully she is doing better. I couldn't stop thinking about her."

"Her letters sounded good though. I think she is doing okay."

Carina nodded and walked in her chamber but it was dark and Scarlett was not here. She immediately started to worry, thought the worst and run to the Professor Snape's room, knocking it in hope to find her there. Nobody answered the door, now that made her even more worried if it’s possible.

"Where are they!? Did something happen to mum and he had to take her to the hospital...?" Carina was panicking and pacing around. Remus held her softly to stop.

"Don't worry if something has happened Severus would let you know for sure. Maybe he is in his class, marking papers? Let’s check there."

He walked her to the potions class and Carina rushed in with worried eyes. Severus and Scarlett turned to see the person who interrupted them.

"Mum!" Carina run to her. "I couldn't find you in the room, i was scared!"

Scarlett hugged her daughter and caressed her hair to calm her down. "I am fine, we are playing chess here."

"Oh... i am sorry that i rushed in Professor..."

"It is okay." He smiled slightly.

"How are you doing Scarlett?" Remus asked her while kissing her cheek. That caused him getting a deadly glance from Severus.

"I am good, pretty good actually. Thanks to Severus, he took care of me really well." She smiled softly at him.

"No doubt he did... Anyways, you are having the dinner with me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, i would like that."

"Okay then, good night everybody." Remus waved at them before he left the classroom.

They wished him good night except Severus.

"Mum i will be in the room, okay? You can continue your game. Good night professor and thanks again."

"Good night Carina." Severus smiled at her and turned his attention back to Scarlett.

"I was taking your queen." Scarlett grinned and knocked his queen down. "Aaaand checkmate!"

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nadashead · 2 years

Text

Stage 8: God

Click here to go to the Seventh Stage

My mom actually isn't a religious person at all. She sometimes skips the praying routine, not feeling guilty at all. But when it comes to me rebelling, she's a saint. Waking up at 4 a.m. to pray, and even controlling how should I sit to pray, my hands, my eyes, and how my mouth speak. She prays on time, but after the heat is down, she'll procrastinate her own prayer again.

I like to pray in secret. I don't like people looking at me while I ask God for something I didn't deserve. But at least I never took him for granted. I pray everyday, in secret. Without anybody noticing. That is probably why people gets mad at me. They think I didn't pray.

Her mom know this better than anyone, that the best prayer are the one that was done in secret. And I did that all the time, so I like to excuse myself to another room to pray, to talk to God.

It just felt so much more intimate, more serene, and I could ask for whatever it is I wanted, because it's only me and God.

But mom asking me to pray out loud in front of everybody present just doesn't seem right. Praying alone, without anyone knowing is a sign that a person just want to praise the Lord, in all religious purposes. But praying in front of people, most of the time, means that the person praying is only seeking for approval that they are praying.

"Oh, such a good girl, praying in front of us." No, the good girl isn't praying, she's looking for attention. God doesn't like it, and it's also considered as a sin.

Why can't her mom just let her be?

Even when I finally could go somewhere else with my dad, I couldn't stop thinking about how my life was taken from me. He looks intrigued by my silence and little sobs, but did nothing to ask.

My father doesn't care about me, even when he heard everything I said to mom. Not even if he stared at me, tears falling down in public places, he just pretend he doesn't know. A safe bet, he'll just throw a little joke so that I could chuckle politely, while choking on my own tears.

We're on our way home, and he drives recklessly. He drives so close to other vehicles to cut ways, but when it gets too close to a crash, he'll pull the brake suddenly all the time. I usually gets angry, and scolded him all the way home, but now I'm just glad. I wish there will be an accident hitting on me. I don't even use my helmet properly, just waiting for fate to pick me up from here.

Because... why bother? What life will I live after this? Might be better, right?

Finally, I reached the point that I felt numb. It all hurts, it all stings, but it's all silenced, sealed inside me.

I face my mother with my swollen eyes. She shakes her head, can't think of a reason why would I feel sad when I have everything that she and dad has given to me? I'm ungrateful bitch.

I chuckled looking at her. "What? You hate me? Same. I hate me too."

Her mom was glaring at her, aligning the words in her head to spit out. She's so angry. This kid has no gratitude over what I gave her.

"The only difference is..." I started talking again. "You hate me because I'm not obeying you." I pointed to her. "And I hate myself for not living my own life."

I'm tilting my head left and right, I feel so dizzy that I have no control over my neck. Like a crazy person. "Why don't I go to a party? Why don't I wear whatever the fuck I want? Why don't I work however I want?"

Mother is clenching her jaw, just too close to flipping the dining table.

But I'm not done talking. "And for God, dear mother, how I see him is different than how you do. You see Him as a punisher, as a frightful owner. I, see Him as a forgiver. The most loving, merciful." I laughed hysterically. "I love God, while you're just scared of Him."

Next, (please show some support if you like the story, or not, whatever. Go to the 'God' chapter and continue reading, because I cropped the story so you can enjoy there, hehe. Leave a comment! Ty!) The Final Stage

#short story #short fiction #sad #sad story #sad thoughts #painfu l #tw depressing stuff #depression #depressing #anxiety #suicidal #suicide #writing prompts #creative writing #writing inspiration #scenarios

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emachinescat · 3 years

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I've decided to watch MacGyver from the beginning (again), and I'm live tweeting the experience with every tweet tagged with #savemacgyver. I thought it would be fun to share my collected thoughts from the episodes on here as well.

My Thoughts on S1E2, "Metal Saw"

Seriously love the music in this show!

THE FREAKING BELT GRAB. You can tell they've done this kind of thing before.

I always love it when Jack and Mac have heart-to-hearts in the middle of super intense, dangerous situations. Like... it's sweet, but time and place, guys?

"Hi, I'm Jack." Nervous Jack is bebby.

Ew, sweat. Like, I know it's "realism" to have sweat stains on clothes in situations like these, but that's one bit of realism I can always do without. Gross.

Is that a bit of PTSD I'm seeing with Mac there on the couch? That's a kind of realism I can always get behind.

Riley finding Mac and Boze in that compromising position will never not be funny. "But he was on top." I love Riley more every episode.

Riley is a really good liar from day one.

I love the joke about ex-cons benefiting from being in relationships with stable people (i.e., fake boyfriend Bozer), then the immediate cut to Bozer with his whole arm inside the vending machine. Great stuff.

Love the Riley and Bozer bonding... right up until the cringe-tastic "Slide me your digits."

"Soon, I'm gonna woo you the same way Romeo would have wooed Juliet if they had Snapchat back in the Renaissance." Bozer and his surprisingly accurate pickup lines. The Renaissance did in fact start in Italy around the 14th century, when R&J is thought to take place.

I love all this psychoanalyzing of Mac. "Adapting is his survival mechanism." Also I'm living for Jack sticking up for Mac to Patti.

"This place has been searched by everybody and their dog." Is this a Texas thing or an old guy saying? Either way it's great.

Nothing beats the early days of Mac and Jack. Nothing. I wish we had gotten more interactions where Jack has to parent Mac: "Stop touching that. Look at me." ❤️❤️❤️

Jack so concerned about Mac and putting on the kid gloves = everything I could have ever asked for and more.

Jack has such a big heart. Poor guy, the look on his face when he sees that the reporter is actually Sarah...

Paperclip sculptures: When I first started watching the show, I thought they were lame. Now I miss them so much. Does that mean I've gotten lamer or that they were always cool and I was always lame?

"Closest time I ever came to coming home in a box." Oof. This line hits different now, and not in a good way.

I just love how Jack is this big tough ex-Delta who is so open about his emotions, particularly with Mac. And the way Mac reassures him... Their bromance is top-tier.

"Oh, like when they invented fire!" Another zinger.

Mac grabbing that giant cigar right out of that dude's mouth 😂😂😂

Love some good fight-scene Mac whump! 👏👏👏 And bar fights are always a blast!

Riley with the car door - such a boss. "What? You told me to stay in the car, and I did."

I've seen some people say they don't like S1 Mac's hair. I kind of dig it, to be honest. He looks like he's 5, but I love it.

Mac has made a lot of DIY cutting torches in his time, but they never get less impressive.

Jack trusting Mac to save Sarah while he keeps watch is just *chef's kiss*!

These early episodes have so many MacGyverisms. One right after the other. It's awesome.

I've never been a big fan of the dark either, Mac.

The first scene with Mac and Sarah is so beautifully tense and whumpy (he way he scrabbles for purchase, gasps for breath, that hitch in his voice as he tries to squeak out Jack's name) that I had to rewind and watch it again.

The hopeful disbelief in her voice: "Jack Dalton came for me?"

Sarah can kick some serious ass. I can see why Jack likes her. Too bad she's about to lead him on the rest of the episode, while actually having a fiance...

Sarah: *leans out of car, shooting her weapon with deadly, terrifying precision* Riley: I agree, this woman should not have kids. 😂 Everything that comes out of Riley's mouth is gold.

Riley asleep in the back of the car while Mac sits quietly and Jack and Sarah have a sweet moment is like mom and dad with the kids in the backseat. Except mom has a fiance and hasn't told dad yet, even though she's had ample opportunity.

Because seriously, Sarah. It's not that hard to tell him the truth. Giving him those big eyes and flirting with him, thinking he has a chance is just cruel. I have never liked her character, and this is why.

Mac and Jack giggling about Jack's crush on Sarah like middle-school girls is life.

"You're just gonna have to let that go." Man, I love their relationship.

Gosh, the scene where they find Luis always hurts so badly. These early episodes did not play around.

"There isn't always time to beg some suit back home for permission to do what's right." I'm not a fan of Sarah, but I love this line. Also, this is pretty much the synopsis of the whole show.

Riley's hair used to be so LONG! 😍

The loyalty of these three! And I love the OG trio so much.

This sleazy guy in the computer place makes my skin crawl.

Love how Patti's like, "Mac will be back by then." Not Jack, not Riley. Just Mac. Can we say teacher's pet? I actually lowkey love this though.

"Who is this guy?" Much like Doctor Who's "It's bigger on the inside," I never get tired of people being equally amazed and confused at the stuff Mac can do.

I've never been the biggest car chase junkie, but Barrios jumping over the car using that log in the road is pretty dope.

Sarah's rage is chilling. And Jack talking her down breaks me every time.

Again, I love the loyalty of our team. Everyone sticks up for each other, ending with Mac's totally unbelievable but still somehow 100% genuine "It was me. I forced them." TOO good.

First mention of Oversight this early. Just thinking about who it is that doesn't like unsanctioned ops just makes me 😤 I wonder if the writers knew who OS was at this point or if it was a later development.

I do wish we could have gotten more conspiratorial, approving Patti. She's so much better than expressionless, bland Patti.

The way Sarah never told Jack about her fiance Jeff (who is in fact a cinnamon roll but still a discount Jack) pisses me off. "I tried to tell you." Yeah, right. It's not that hard to say, "Yo, I'm in a relationship."

Jack NEVER should have found out about Jeff the way he did. There's no excuse.

It's not okay, Jack. She did you wrong. You didn't deserve that. Stand up for yourself, man. Gosh, he's so broken here, and I hate it.

"At least we have each other... Don't look at me. I know how weird it sounded." THESE TWO I SWEAR 🤣🤣🤣

Poor Mac. I do love how we get his obsessive tendencies so early in the show, and how they keep coming back, even as late as season 5. As someone with clinically diagnosed OCD, this makes me feel seen and I love being able to relate to my favorite character.

Love the found family antics at the end. Riley and Bozer making dinner while Mac and Jack play basketball? Perfection.

Lol, Bozer calling Riley a "caramel goddess" has such Schmidt/Cece vibes from New Girl, and I dig it!

Ew. More sweat. I know some people find sweaty men attractive, but that is NOT my vibe. I prefer my men clean and freshly laundered.

The way Riley glances back over her shoulder at them as she walks away, as if to make sure they're really there, that this is actually real!!!

"That's not even... that's true, actually. That's sad." Jack 🤣 Also, "I'm hungry." Big mood.

As a Grandpa Harry stan from the OG show, I eat up any mention of him in the new one. I just wish we'd gotten more of that wonderful man in the reboot. Still, I'll take what I can get!

I'd honestly forgotten how much I enjoy this episode! So solid, full of bromance, found family, and lots of good-natured bickering. Can't wait to watch the next one, hopefully tomorrow! In the meantime, please keep fighting for our show! Together we can #savemacgyver!

If anyone wants to join me in my re-watching and tweeting adventure, please do! It's my way to take about an hour a day in my busy, busy life to commit to the #savemacgyver movement. (And to enjoy my favorite show yet again!) If you do tweet as you watch, make sure to tag EVERY tweet with ONLY #savemacgyver so we can keep that hashtag trending! :)

Thanks for letting me share my (numerous) thoughts on this episode. This was really fun, and I hope it's something you all enjoy, too. I'd love to know what you all think of the episode in the comments! ❤️

#macgyver #jack dalton #riley davis #wilt bozer #macgyver rewatch #my thoughts #episode review #save macgyver #we can still save our show #s1e2 #metal saw #emcatreviews #spoilers

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