#everything is going AWFUL and i need the distraction
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omg maybe some soft angst bcs evelyn overworks herself and callum is so worried
For A Fortnight There We Were:
A LITTLE ONE SHOT SINCE YOU ALL SEEM FERAL FOR THEM AND I LOVE IT AND ENCOURAGE IT
tw: mentions of drug use/addiction
"Hi everyone, I'm Evelyn Shaw, and I'm so happy to finally be introducing you to the new Dior Addict Lip Glow Oil." She held the tube to her lips and pressed a cheeky kiss to the side. "It's infused with cherry oil which nourishes my lips after long days on set and even longer nights on the romantic streets of Paris."
"Cut! Let's reset and run again." Evelyn yawned as the camera turned off then looked up as her makeup artist approached with an eye pencil.
"Do I look as shitty as I feel?" Now in London, she had been in Paris this morning, finishing fittings for fashion week, The Hague three days ago for an engagement on behalf of the United Nations Women's Conference and she was due back on set for House of the Dragon by the end of the week.
"No. You look glossy and juicy," Nicole teased.
"Let me get some spray on the fly aways." Ev closed her eyes as her hair stylist spritzed a toothbrush and brushed it over her hair.
"Have we heard anything from Callum yet?" She was headed straight to a meet and greet at the Dior store in Mayfair after this before she had just enough time to change for the launch dinner she was hosting as the newly minted Global Ambassador for Dior Beauty.
"Mark was on the phone finalizing your filming schedule for next week so it didn't conflict with your brother's graduation so I'll flag him when he gets back," Nicole offered.
She hadn't seen Callum in almost a week. There were unanswered texts and calls and a red circle on her FaceTime app.
Evelyn felt awful about it but her first trip for work since the pandemic was proving to have more of a strain on her relationship than she thought it would. She was used to using work to distract herself from her ex-husband and saying yes to everything so she didn't have to be at home. Now, with Callum, that was all she wanted to do. And she knew it was perfectly in her control to change it but she couldn't find the right way to convince her brain this man was different.
"Alright, Evelyn, let's do more sultry than cute this time." She shook the fog from her mind and stared down the camera.
"Hi everyone, I'm Evelyn Shaw, and I'm going to let you on my secret for endlessly kissable lips..."
----
She kept her sunglasses on as she stepped out of the car and let the screams and camera clicks wash over her. She blew kisses and waved as her security ushered her into the store and the door closed behind her with a sigh. Evelyn made an extra effort to shake the hand of all the staff that were in the store and hugged the handful of Dior executives that she had gotten to know during the process of launching the lip oil.
"Ev, let's get some candids of you looking at the new collection over here." Bleary eyed, she slowly rifled through the racks as her stylist took a few photos.
"Hey, Mark?" she called for her assistant as everyone made final preparations before opening the doors. "Do we have any..." she brushed her finger over the tip of her nose, asking for a hit.
"I do, but you were going to stop now that you got out of that relationship, right?"
"Yeah but I'm about to fall over and just need to get through tonight and I'll be fine." They had done this song and dance with her and cocaine before. The habit stopped and started in fits. "A pinky nail. That's all I'm asking for."
"Not here, Ev. Go to the dressing room and I'll bring it back." She kissed his cheek and headed to the back, reapplying her lipstick and fluffing her hair before pacing around the room for a few laps. Finally, there was a knock at the door.
"Fucking finally, Mark, I'm-" She opened the door and it wasn't Mark. "Cal."
"It's been a minute, Ev. You pick up on old habits while you were gone?" He wasn't sure if she had read his message or listened to his voicemails since she'd left. They had gotten increasingly desperate so he hoped she hadn't. But if she was using again, it was no wonder she wasn't responsive.
"No." Her lip quivered. "I'm just exhausted, Callum." Hiding away with him wasn't an option anymore. The safety of his bed wasn't an option anymore.
"There's other ways for us to fix that. Ways that don't involve you pushing me away and letting those vultures back into your life." She fell into a chair and dropped her head into her hands.
"Everyone wants a piece of me and I don't have enough to go around." There were legal battles over dividing assets. Magazines and podcasts that spent their time speculating on the true reason behind her failed marriage and spending hours and pages devoted to convincing someone, anyone, that Callum was a controlling manipulator who had tricked her into cheating with him for status. Photographers who lined every street she walked and yelled obscenities and tried to snag a shard of her broken soul. "You're my drug, Callum. You make the voices stop when I'm with you. But I can't always be with you."
"But that's why we learn how we communicate best. We call or we text or send each other dumb photos to make it feel like we are always with each other." He sat down on the floor in front of her and put her hands on his cheeks. "I'm right here, Ev. And I'm not going anywhere. I'm not him."
"I'm sorry I didn't call. I wanted to. I just didn't know what to say." For all the benefits quarantining together had offered for their relationship, it had also introduced certain complexities. Introduced reliance and dependencies and they hadn't learned how to be apart. Let alone how to be successful at it. "I'm still getting used to things being normal. To having you as part of my normal."
"I'm sorry I didn't come find you sooner."
"Promise you'll always find me? Even when I'm just lost in my own head?" He kissed her forehead.
"Especially then, Evvie."
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hi recommend me your favourite video essays i need something to listen to while i sew
#everything is going AWFUL and i need the distraction#or like. anything similar. idk long form content that isnt super visual#literally any topic is good! longer is better!#ive been watching a lotta contrapoints and philosophy tube recently. but also a person called hoots and just like. media videos!#yes girl give me a retrospective on this show ive never seen#..... i should rewatch the vampire diaries video#nyxtalks
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#tmi but i've been trying to consume less fanfiction so i dont always resort to escapism and fantasy when real life gets tough but#it's so fucking hard#like i feel so alone w no one to talk to rn and everything is so hard and im having family trouble and the past few weeks have been awful#and allllll i wanna do is read and fantasize abt how ppl from the other side of the world who dont even know i exist would comfort me#or distract myself w other scenarios that will literally never happen n all it does is feed into my discontentment when real life is a bitch#and inevitably fails to match imagination#not only that but it also has a real effect on my real life relationships (or attempts at them) and i know i cant keep going like this#but as someone who's been an avid fanfiction reader for over a decade.... yea it's hard 🤡#this is not a pity party or a cry for help btw i just wanted to get this out and needed to dump it somewhere#feel free to ignore it! or not idk! do what u want#mari.txt#personal#tw negative
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#making my two favorite ocs like oh i’m gonna give you both sooo many character flaws you’ll be helplessly drawn to each other bc of it#river dipping#theodore doe#echthroi#cw drugs mention#questionnaire lb#hello all........ i come bearing good news: theo's doc is already at 9.2k words <3#not so great news: i actually still have 29 questions left so.......... um. i'm still not done...#😂🔫💥#i'll definitely be making some cuts for length once i'm done answering all of the questions#like i simply can't have this go over 11k at any point... bc that would be....... just too much. like just way too much.#editing is gonna be rough when i get to it like i can just tell but whatever kill your darlings etc. etc.#also :) i've been so good at not opening tumblr or letting anything else distract me which is how theo's doc is already this long#in such a short amount of time like!!! i'm really proud of myself actually!!#i'm trying to finish it quickly bc i miss being on here but dfjkhh when i took that three hour break the other day to catch up i lost all#of my motivation to write and ended up stopping for the day bc i felt like everything i was writing was awful and ooc 😭#so i'm holding off....... i do see my activity feed and i'll get to it i promise i'm not ignoring anyone on purpose!!#or. well i guess i kind of am but jsdkchddkj i'm just trying to get this done first!!#honestly i'm moving pretty fast tho so i feel like i'll have this done soon :) theo favoritism etc. etc.#okay... i need to go now........ i've rambled here for much too long#just felt compelled to drop another little update since my blog is inactive otherwise#logging out...... wish me luck friends and lovers
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#let me express to u perhaps The frustration of my life#i like to learn. it is perhaps my favorite thing. new information. more more more constantly#but. my fucking brain is the fucking worst. because im not fucking stupid if i can focus and process the words being said i can understand#many things. i like to learn about math and physics and chemistry and biology and anatomy... ect concepts#but the focus and the processing of words is where we have problems. because i cannot focus for more than like 5min#i blink and suddenly ive been spaced out for a sec and need to reorient. i cant prioritize what to do 1st and im constantly bouncing betwee#tasks so nothing ever gets done and im too intimidated to start learning things. and when im trying to learn we habe the processing words#problem. like my reading comprehension is so fucking bad. like i will read a book on paper and maybe retain 25% of the info if im not#hardcore trying. for a class where i had to do a ton of paper reading. i had to read everything out loud to myself. highlight important#info. write myself a summary based on the highlights and then read the paper again before i could even begin to feel comfortable in#discussions. it was so fucking frustrating and miserable. ppl will give me physical books and im like thanks i cant fucking read sorry#too fucking dyslexic. read and listen they say. u have to read and listen at the same time bc i cant pay attention and i cant read#so if i do both then maybe the info gets in. thats y i have to read aloud but i hate it and still get distracted#i mean. i probably just have an attention problem. its also really annoying that my short term working memory is so awful#bc in order to make things make sense i have to draw or write them out. i cant judt go off the top of my head or i get stuck saying thr sam#thing over and over and over. its like my ability to think is extremely shallow. but thrn i read papers and recognize concepts from classes#i took years ago and im like. fucking y cant i know what i know? my head feels so empty but info is in there somewhere#its just so fucking frustrating that i love understanding systems so much. complex annoying little systems that fit together like a puzzle#and my fucking brain refuses to accept the information im trying to get in there. so i return to a remark left on my dyslexia assignment:#intelligent when not constrained by language or time. thanks. unfortunately language is how ppl communicate#also i freak out under time pressure lol. anyway ive just been reading papers for fun this weekend and remembering y i dont: bc its agony#but also i fucking love the concepts so much and i need a good understanding of photosynthesis before August when i join a photosynthesis#lab lmao. ugh. i love learning but my brain was not buildmt#built for it. if only if only someone could podcast about the obscure things im interested in while reading directly from the source#unrelated#also its like 105 degrees plus. its too fucking hot out#thats like 40 degrees C. the sun is like a death ray
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and everything has consistently sucked since we got back from that trip.. not a week after that i got covid and was really sick the beginning of august was truly the last time i felt properly happy. word
#the past few months have just been. so bad idk i've been feeling so unwell and throwing up daily at times for like 2 weeks straight#it's been like. a week since i last threw up so i'm hoping it's done#but fuck man#it's been awful my anxiety has been through the roof my skin is terrible i feel so lonely#like. it's all just happening fr#on the plus side i've been finding a lot of comfort from small things.. going to the gym and watching my shows n making music#i'm so glad i can hyperfixate rn though bc. during like. my really low couple of weeks i couldn't hyperfixate#and it was genuinely hell bc i couldn't find comfort in anything and i essentially lost all interest in everything#i started watching nana during that time as like a distraction so that was nice but i couldn't focus on anything except feeling bad#now at least. i still feel bad but i have the comfort from my hyperfix 😭 been rewatching csm and it's making me feel just like#safer and comforted which god knows is what i need rn#idk i just. i wish i could go back to july man. i wish i never got covid i wish my mental health wasn't like this#it's just so fucking hard my god. it really is#and i'm trying i swear to god i'm trying to stay strong and take care of myself and not be terrible
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me: this is distressing but I am fine
Me: [sees more things]
me: Oh No I Am Not Fine Actually
#plz plz don’t reblog this I am. processing tbings#just 2 more hours at work and I can go home#unforntunatoey my task isn’t like#intensive enough to keep me fully distracted from the Things I am Dwelling On#i am nnnnnnot handling this super well I think#i mean not awful or anything in#i am just. emotionally goin thru it yknow#thinking about things I never wanted to think about again but#constant news just forcing me to Relive Certain Stuff#yes this is part 2 of what I was stressing about before I went into work#all things considered the [REDACTED] I experience was#not nearly as bad as. everything else#but like. it was still bad. the outcome was still bad.#and we’re just stuck with this personal association forever#Sorry I am LITERALLY back and forth on the vibe so hard today uhhhhhh#I’m too idle at work I wish I had a more involved task#bc I really need something to keep my mind busy 😭😭😭😭
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#harry fan anon#finally here! hello!#yeah i get that :/ it's rough trying to enjoy your fandom experience only to have outside forces make it unbearable sometimes#especially with this kind of discourse which is so... draining and ugly and often personal feeling for a lot of people#and even when you actively try to avoid the discourse- it is still so pervasive that you end up seeing it anyway#don't be embarrassed at all- this fandom IS draining and it totally makes sense if you need to take a step back#it is unfortunate that it has to be this way since fandom is supposed to be fun and shouldn't be like this but 100% understand needing to#step back for your own sake#because a fandom is never worth your peace of mind and your happiness#i cut out everything related to 1d in 2016 for like 4-5 years because it was making me feel so awful and it was entirely worth it#gave me perspective and helped me find the joy in it again when i came back#obviously you don't have to go on a multi year break like i did lol even just a couple weeks can make a huge difference#it makes you remember what's important and realize the parts of fandom you can live without#my main recommendation for stepping back is to pour that extra energy into another hobby or interest you've been neglecting#or pick up something new#as soon as you have something else to focus on you'll find it easier to detach emotionally#when so much of your mind is wrapped up in one thing without any distractions it is much easier to invest to much of yourself into that one#thing at the detriment of your peace of mind#the little lovely corner of fandom you carved out for yourself will be here when you get back!#and never feel embarrassed for feeling things deeply- it's a lovely quality! just remember to take care of yourself#asks#anonymous
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Oh my gosh someone needs to remove my very being from my body cause right now it is my personal flesh prison hell, my senses are so outta wack rn I am going to commit a crime everything is awful, someone needs to do it before I peel all my skin off in a desperate attempt to do so
#ace rambles#rant#genuinely what the frick am I supposed to do???!?#like I am actually losing it rn#gonna have a breakdown#gonna scream#gonna scratch off all my skin and flesh and everything until I am nothing#void needs to eat me rn#I just need to not exist rn please I am going to scream and cry and akcnkdndnsnsm#dying dying dying dying#excuse me while I try and distract myself so I can ignore it and feel less#or something idk everything is awful rn
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#i need to take a bath/shower really bad but im not emotionally well#like im not suicidal but when i was i wanted to drown myself (fortunately i was too cowardly to go through with it)#and im kinda scared i might impulsively try to do that#everything feels like its going wrong#like i kniw it will get better#usually misfortune preceeds fortune for me so yea#but i just have this sinking feeling that mire awful things are going to hapoe#fuck im scared to go to bed because im worried real life events will seep into my dreams#i also dont want to stay awake because i dont want to think about things#this is tge lowest ive been in years#i just dont know what to do#im trying to distract myself but that isnt wirking anymore#rambles#ignore pls#i genuinely want to die rn
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Underneath The Strobe Light
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Pairing: Mike Schmidt (2023)/AFAB Reader
Rating: Explicit
Summary: You're aware of your feelings for Mike, but you're unsure if he feels the same. A single late-night conversation changes everything. (4.2k | originally posted on ao3 | Masterlist )
Extra Notes: Posted October 29, 2023
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You know Mike, sometimes. Mainly in bits and pieces.
You know he has that poster of Nebraska above his bed; you know he's got a soft spot for terrible eighties cartoons. You know he likes his steak well done. Maybe it's generally useless information — but you've tucked it all away in a dear corner of your brain, in a well-worn cardboard box with his name scrawled fondly on the side in Sharpie.
He's been busy nowadays, especially with his awful new job at that abandoned restaurant. You've always been there if he needs someone to watch over Abby. It's a strange juxtaposition— spending more and more time at his house, but spending less and less time actually talking to him. But you know he's exhausted, both mentally and physically.
You don't expect much. You don't need much. Even though Mike's always offered to actually pay you for babysitting Abby, you've always declined.
However— needing and wanting are two very different things.
And you want. So, so much.
Sitting here, on the couch in his living room, your mind always wanders back to him. Abby's a really nice kid, even if she's a little on the eccentric side. Whenever you're sitting with her, watching her draw or watching the television, you can't really focus on Mike. But now, with her safely put to bed … There's nothing to stop you. Nothing to distract you from the empty spot next to you on the couch.
You blink, already bleary-eyed from the hour. There's some mediocre sitcom playing on the television. It's practically white noise, and you can feel yourself slowly but surely being lulled to sleep. The stubborn part of you wants to fight it. The tired part of you wants to just let it happen. You fumble for the remote instead, switching the channel.
World News Now?
Not bad, you think wryly, slumping back into the pillows. You liked the guy playing the accordion and singing about the news, polka-style. Hopefully they'll bring that back. Maybe large broadcasting networks actually do know their audiences.
Yeah, no.
You stifle a yawn, tugging your blanket a little tighter. The room's dark, so the only real sources of light are coming from the kitchen and the bluish glow of the television. The only sounds besides that of the T.V. are the occasional car passing by, joined by the gentle chorus of crickets. It's quiet, but not in a discomforting way.
It's kind of perfect. Like your own little bubble in the world. Untouchable. Not until the sun rises, anyway.
Your bubble suddenly pops when a car pulls into the driveway, tires crunching on the pavement, and your heart skips.
It couldn't be anyone else.
About a minute later, there's the sound of keys turning in the lock. The door swings open and then shuts behind him. Softly. He knows Abby would wake up if he slammed it. Then there's the thump of him setting down his stuff— carelessly.
The couch cushions squeak a little when Mike sits down next to you. Silently. He's gotten rid of that stupid security vest.
"Hey," you offer.
"Hi," he obliges.
You're sure he's not really paying attention to the T.V. "How was work?"
It's bland small talk at best, and brutally annoying at worst. But it's the only way to move into interesting conversation territory. And he didn't just trudge past you to go flop down on his bed, so you're assuming he does want to talk. You might pretend not to know, but you're well aware of his social life— or lack thereof. Everyone needs to talk, sometimes.
"Pretty dull." Rolling his probably stiff shoulders, he lets out a small sound of discomfort. Sheepishly, he murmurs: "I kind of … I kind of just napped, to be honest."
"Aren't you supposed to be a security guard?" You tease. "That's a really important job, you know. You have to stop all the dangerous teenagers from breaking in and spray-painting dicks on the walls."
He huffs out something reminiscent of a laugh. "Honestly, the pay's too low to take it seriously."
"And yet … "
"There weren't any kids, okay?" Mike shakes his head. When you turn to look at him, though, he's smiling. It's faint, but it's there. "No dangerous teenagers that I had to fight off. It was fine."
"Fine?"
"Fine."
You don't want to let the silence set in.
"Oh, yeah, we finished the leftover spaghetti earlier. For dinner. I hope that's okay."
"No, it's terrible," he deadpans. "I hate you."
"Asshole."
"Whatever." Mike snickers, and you bask in its gloriousness. "Yeah, it's okay. I know that I probably wouldn't have eaten it anyway. Did you, uh … " He pauses for a split second. "… Did you like it?"
His tone makes you wonder, but you hastily brush it off. "Yeah, I did," you clarify, "the sauce was pretty great. Was it store-bought, or?" Because if it was, then where can I get it?
"Yup," he replies, popping the 'p'. "Great stuff, for something that's canned. But I always add a little more garlic powder, too."
"Oh, really?"
Mike hums an affirmation. "It's like magic, I'm telling you. Doesn't even take a lot to add flavor."
"That's cool." You rustle with your blanket again, adjusting it more out of habit than anything else. That, and it's kind of cold. "I'll try and remember it for later."
He's almost cheeky when he speaks.
"It's life-changing."
You can't help but snort. "You sound like an addict."
Incredulously, he glances at you. "To what? Garlic powder?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"I can't believe that you'd say that." He slowly shakes his head, for the second time in the span of roughly a minute. "Especially as someone who's experienced it firsthand—"
"—you're the one talking about how life-changing it is—"
"—you can't possibly ignore the irresistible savoriness of garlic powder."
You look at one another for a moment. The sheer absurdity of the situation sets in all at once. And, well. He starts giggling, and you can't hold it in, either. How could you? Even though he looks at least part zombie, his eyes are still very much alive. Despite the blatant awkwardness and lingering shyness that always follows him around, he's still got a very contagious laugh.
After you both calm down, he lets out a long sigh.
"It's getting really late."
You cling to what little stubbornness remains. "Yeah?"
"Are you gonna head home?"
Again, there's something there. Despite his nonchalant attitude, it's almost like—
—but you're probably overthinking. Wouldn't be anything new. He has to get some rest, and so do you. The drowsiness repeatedly threatening to tug your eyelids closed is a testament to that. Normally, you'd just pass out on the couch or something, and take off early in the morning; before Mike and Abby wake up. But now, it's different. Now, you actually have to make a choice before your sleepy body makes it for you.
"Um." You rub your eyes again. "I mean. I could, if it's bothering you—"
"It's not."
He interrupts you so quickly that it catches you off-guard. It seemingly catches him off-guard, too, judging by the way he promptly averts his gaze and pretends to care about the guy on the television going on about some sort of plumber strike in the city.
"Oh." You need a second to process. "Oh, okay. Well, in that case … I don't really think that it'd be safe for me to drive right now." You laugh, a little too airily for it to be completely genuine. "I'd probably fall asleep at the wheel or something." At least that's the truth. "I'll just take the couch. As usual."
"Okay," he says. He's back to murmuring.
"And I'll be gone before you eat breakfast." Subconsciously, you're fiddling with the slightly frayed edges of the blanket. It's well-loved. "As usual."
You think you hear him suck in a breath, seconds before:
"Why don't you stay?"
Your own breath stutters in your chest.
"... what?" Is all you can manage, without horrifically humiliating yourself.
"I mean," he rushes to correct himself, "you come by sometimes because you want to spend time with Abby— she likes you a lot, you know, sometimes I think she likes you more than she likes me . I think—" He's properly nervous now, his knee bouncing up and down. But he's already continuing before you can get a word in. "I think she'd like you to be here in the morning. And you don't accept pay, anyway. You just— won't."
His nervousness is spreading to you. "Hey, I—"
"Why are you here, anyway?"
The question sounds like it's been a long time coming. He's demanding you now, brow furrowed and eyes sparking with emotion. "Is it out of pity? Do you feel sorry for me? Do you feel sorry for Abby? Because if you do, then— then you can just—"
"It's not!" You exclaim.
Immediately, you realize that there's a sleeping girl not too far away, and shamefully lower your voice.
"... It's not, I promise. I just—" It takes a little while for you to gather the right words, and when you do, you don't drop your gaze from him. All of his previous frustration is all but gone, replaced by a slightly wide-eyed expression that's making your heart ache a little. "I genuinely really like spending time with Abby, okay? She's really sweet, and creative, and just a really great kid. And I—"
You stop yourself.
"And you what?" Mike asks, gently.
Might as well, huh?
"And I really like spending time with you, too," you admit, finally unable to meet his eyes and focusing on your lap instead.
There's an incredibly tense beat, in which you swear your life flashes before your eyes.
Then:
He's barely audible when he speaks. His knee has stopped bouncing, but he's playing with his thumbs. Clearly, your confession— vague as it was— resonated with him, in some way. You hope he understands what you meant, because you couldn't possibly put it all into words in a way that would make sense.
"Feeling's mutual," he mutters.
Your head almost snaps up at that. Maybe you had expected it, deep down— you're not oblivious, duh— but it's one thing to have a hunch, and another to have that hunch proven. And out loud, no less.
"Yeah?" You dare to ask.
Slowly, he looks up. He meets your eyes.
"Yeah," he repeats breathlessly, like the wind's been knocked out of him.
You let your blanket fall from your shoulders, and it slides all the way onto the floor.
You reach out.
He lets you lace your fingers through his.
Mike's palm is sort of clammy— and he's shaking a little— but he still squeezes your hand. On instinct, you guess. It still makes you smile. He doesn't return it, but his lips are parted a little, and you really, really like that. More than you probably should. You like a lot of things about him more than you probably should.
You scooch a little closer, and he doesn't move away. You let your gaze drop back down to his lips again, making your intentions clear. Still, you don't know if it's clear enough. You lean in, just barely.
"... Can I?"
His reply is almost instantaneous.
"Please."
You swallow all of the witty quips you could make, and kiss him instead.
He's very tentative at first. Like he hasn't done this for a while. But you ease him into it— and before long, he's got one hand on the back of your neck, the other somewhere near your waist. He tastes like coffee and something else you can't really put your finger on. It doesn't really matter, though. Because you are kissing him, damnit!
His eyes are still shut when you part— with a soft smack — but they flutter open after a second. You're not sure if you're supposed to say something meaningful. Luckily, he leans in instead, and your thoughts are immediately transported elsewhere.
You kiss like this for a while. It's really nice, and you know he needs it. So do you.
However— when you start losing track of time, lost in the moment, he makes a noise.
It's quiet, definitely. But it's nothing like the little hums and sighs he's been making so far. It makes you shift closer, pressing more insistently into him. And he responds, enthusiastically wrapping his arms around you, closing the little distance between your bodies that there was. You can practically feel his heart jackrabbiting in his chest when you slip your tongue past his already kiss-swollen lips.
He moans.
You indulge yourself. For a little longer. And Mike chases you when you part.
"We shouldn't do this in the living room," you whisper, nearly panting. "The couch is a little—"
"Okay," he whispers back, already sounding wrecked. "Okay."
You've been in his room before. You've sat on his bed— you've even laid on it before. But you've never straddled him on it before. It's a position that makes your head spin a little, and you occupy yourself with kissing him again. His hands fit perfectly on your hips, but they don't stay there for long, tragically— they trail upwards, up your waist, to your back. To your shoulders, and then back down again. It's as if he just can't get enough. You can't either. You need more.
So, you tug at his shirt. He gets the message right away— hands scrambling to pull it up and over his head. He's still rather slim, but with a slight softness, mostly located in his midsection. There's a light dusting of dark hair on his chest, as well as the provocative happy trail leading down from his navel. You drag your eyes downward, admiring him, and then decide that you're wearing too much clothing. Your top comes off, dropped onto the floor near his.
Mike takes more time to admire you when your torso is completely bare. His hands are warm on your bare skin, and slightly rough. Like before, he's hesitant at first, but when you encourage him— either literally or with physical indications— he grows bolder. His stubble scratches gently against you when his lips find your collarbone.
You squirm a little, not even realizing it— and you feel him. Simultaneously, you both gasp. He's not fully there, but he's at least half-hard— and it can't be comfortable in those jeans.
"Should I—"
"Yeah—"
With steady fingers, you unbutton his fly, and then unzip him. It's a little awkward when he shimmies out of the jeans, and when you wriggle out of your bottoms— you both snicker a little, but he's back to comfortably breathless when you settle back onto his lap. Under normal circumstances, you would tease him again. And yet, you can't bring yourself to. Not right now, at least.
All you want to do is keep going.
You roll your hips, testing the waters. His breath audibly hitches, and his hands fly up to settle back on your hips. He looks up at you, eyes already half-lidded— and they close when you grind down again. And again. His lips are clumsier this time when you kiss him, but he still reciprocates all the same. The sensation of him directly underneath you like this is intoxicating. You can feel every little twitch and every little jolt.
"Fuck," he breathes, long and drawn-out, " God, I can— I can see the spot on your—"
"Yeah?" You encourage, grinding down again, drinking in his answering groan. "You like that?"
"Yes —"
"You want me to take 'em off?"
Mike's pupils are blown wide, even though his eyes are already dark as is in the dimness of the room. He nods, once, then twice. "Yes," he murmurs. "Please," he adds, for good measure.
He stares openly when you get off him, just enough to peel off your last remaining layer of clothing. And when you sit back down, well. It's obvious that you'll have to give him a second. "Can I," he says, finally, "can I touch you?" The way he's looking up at you again is just so sweet, so needy, that you consider saying no. Your throbbing core quickly shuts that idea down.
"Go on," you encourage.
He helps you move so he has easier access, and—
His fingertips find your slit, already wet for him.
"Look what you did to me," you murmur.
He visibly flushes— and then carefully works one finger into your slick heat. The feeling, combined with his thumb brushing against your clit— it's relief that you've needed this entire time, and you can't help but let a quiet sound escape your lips. It's apparently enough incentive for him to quicken his pace a little. Deliberately, he continues massaging your sensitive nub in a firm but easy pattern as he gently pushes a second finger inside you.
Mike may be out of practice, but evidently, he still knows what he's doing. He peppers kisses up and down your neck, some more open-mouthed than others. Crooking his fingers, he maintains his diligent rhythm. A thought floats through your mind, unbidden— he must have strong hands, if he's been able to keep up like this—
Two becomes three, and you're spreading your thighs a little wider for him. He's still transfixed, but speeds up at your urging, breath hot against the divot between your neck and shoulder. You chance a glance down, and you can see the visible outline of him through his boxers. You did that to him. He's desperate— for you.
"Mike," you gasp, "nnh—"
"Yeah, c'mon," he mouths, against your neck, "c'mon—" He's not letting up in the slightest, and when you tell him to, he speeds up again. He needs to see you cum just as much as you need to feel it. Your needs and wants are rapidly blending into one. You squeeze your eyes shut, but open them to look at him. His dark curls are a mess, his hand working tirelessly between your legs.
"Mike —"
He says your name in return, like he's the one in the vulnerable position.
"Mike , 'm gonna— 'm gonna—"
"Please," his breaths are ragged, debauched, "cum, please, c'mon, lemme see it—"
"Oh —"
The tension snaps, and you spasm around his fingers. Your hips twitch, and you moan, your mouth falling open as you ride out your orgasm. You're rising— falling — molten honey pooling in your core, before flowing throughout your body. And Mike keeps going throughout it all, letting you enjoy the sensations until you're fully satisfied.
Nearly boneless, you sag backward. His fingers, soaked with your glistening release, slip out of your cunt with a wet noise. He doesn't waste any time in bringing them up into his mouth, cleaning them off with his tongue— at the taste of you, he groans, even though it's muffled. Your mind takes a moment to catch up again with the world, but another thought manifests itself— how would he react, if you let him use his mouth on you? How would his head look between your thighs? He would be noisy, wouldn't he? Enthusiastic, pliant, and—
Your desire, although it waned for a short minute, comes back tenfold. But you take one look down again and— you can do that later. Right now, you want him inside you.
Mike lets you tug him down for another kiss. He lets you feel the worn fabric on his thighs, almost playfully. When you palm him through them— he hisses through his teeth, hypersensitive even though you've barely touched him yet. You're going to fix that, though. Hooking your thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, you tug them down.
You were right. He's desperate. As soon as his overheated skin meets the cool air, he lets out another quiet hiss. And when you take him in hand—
"Mmh —" A firm stroke from base to tip, and you've already got him. He's average in length, but a little girthy. You know he'll be perfect. There's a little drop at the head of his cock, and you resist the urge to lick it off, focusing instead on warming him up a little. He whispers your name, once, when you pump up and down, twisting your wrist.
"Got a condom?" You ask, stilling for a second. His eyes snap to you.
"Oh my God, " he quickly mutters under his breath, before raising his volume, "uh, yeah, I think so. Lemme—" And he's already scrambling off the bed, opening the drawers of his nightstand with speed, but somehow simultaneously managing not to make much noise. He rifles through them, but soon emerges victoriously with what he was looking for. It's a little funny, how he doesn't waste any time in ripping it open and tossing the garbage into the mostly-overfull pail near his bed. Hastily, he rolls on the condom. You think he's expecting you to lay back or get up on your hands and knees so he can fuck you like that— you wouldn't be entirely opposed to it— but that's not what you want right now.
You place your hands on his chest and push him back down so he's sitting against the headboard. He goes without complaint, even shifting when he understands what you want to do. He's flushed almost down to his neck.
When you sink down on him in a smooth slide, still slick from earlier, you both moan. He sounds strained— he's biting his lower lip, squirming until he finally bottoms out. You have to take a moment to catch your breath, too; the fullness is just how you imagined, but it's so, so much, especially because of your lingering sensitivity.
"I'm not—" He audibly swallows, hands tightening on your waist when you move just a little, "oh, fuck, I'm not gonna— I'm not gonna last long." He's babbling a little. "You're tight, fuck."
You rock back and forth, once, and it's enough to force a choked noise from his throat. You watch his face, observing every little twitch, the clenching of his jaw. You can't hesitate for much longer, though— so you begin lifting yourself and dropping yourself down on his cock. Just in little movements at first, so you can get used to the feeling. His eyes squeeze shut—
"Look at me," you demand, and he does. He doesn't try and thrust up into you when you really start to move. Up and down, up and down, with lewd plaps that accompany your sounds; his grunts— you swear you hear him whimper . His eyelashes flutter open and closed, as he struggles to follow your command, wanting to be good. For you. Even though you can see his thighs flexing as he holds everything back. You ride him for all you're worth.
True to his words, you can tell when he gets close. Maybe he's been on edge this entire time. You thread your fingers through his hair— he buries his face into the crook of your neck, maybe out of embarrassment. You can feel how flushed he is, a thin sheen of sweat covering both of your bodies. Your muscles are aching, but you're determined to make him cum. You're determined to do this for him.
He says your name, but it's more of a whine. "Please — I'm gonna— I can't — "
"Go on," you pant, "you can. Don't hold back." Your arms are wrapped around his neck, now, holding him tight; just like his arms around your waist. The contact is almost too much, but somehow it's still not enough, despite him being inside you. "Go on," you repeat, after he whines again, the sound sending white-hot heat straight to your core. "Cum."
Mike twitches, and you can feel him pulse— the sound he lets out is high-pitched, muffled into your skin. You slow your movements— the aftershocks of his orgasm last longer than yours. It might've been a little while for you, but it had definitely been longer for him.
He doesn't let go, even after his breathing's slowed down.
Gently, you pull his head back so you can look at him. He looks up at you with slightly wet eyes. The kisses you press to his cheeks and forehead make him scrunch up his face.
"Hey," he rasps, "I gotta throw out the condom. Hang on."
"Yeah, okay."
When he slips out of you, you both sigh a little. With unsteady fingers, he ties up the condom before chucking it into the pail.
The sheets are cool on your skin when he pulls them over you both. The room reeks of sex, but both of you are too exhausted to care. When you turn to lay on your side, he's behind you, throwing an arm over your waist. Tugging you closer. Almost absentmindedly, there's a kiss pressed to the back of your head.
"Thank you," he mumbles.
You stare at the far wall, unable to close your eyes just yet.
"For what?"
"For—" A pause. "For everything, I guess."
The awkwardness is back. But you let it in. You smile.
"You're welcome."
He doesn't respond, but shuffles nearer, chest pressed up against your back. It's not long before you're both fast asleep.
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Blue Christmas
One-Shots Masterlist | Complete Masterlist | Secret Santa Masterlist
Summary: You ask Loki to give you something special for Christmas.
A/N: This is a Secret Santa gift for @divine-knight-hand. I wanted to give you everything you requested, my love, but I already wrote something similar a while ago. For the sake of not sounding repetitive, I altered your request just a little bit. I hope you still like it. However, please check out the other story because it checks off all your points! And is Christmas-themed! Mayari: If You Let Me. Also, sorry for the cringy title. I couldn't think of anything else.
Pairing: Loki x Female Reader
Word Count: Over 2.7k
Warnings: Explicit. Smut. P in V. Jotunn Loki (yes, cuz he's a whole warning!)
You crossed your legs as the last rays of the sun were trickling down on your body. Your book was discarded on the ground as the condensation from your Pina Colada dripped down onto the side table.
Loki had surprised you and whisked you away to the Fiji Islands for Christmas— no more crowded New York streets. No more dirty ice falling onto you from the splash of an oncoming taxicab. And certainly, no more missions and assignments till the New Year.
It had been an exhaustive nineteen-hour flight. Especially since he didn’t tell you anything he was planning. When you came home to your room earlier that day, you were greeted by Loki with two suitcases on either side of him.
“Merry Yuletide, Darling,” he said as he rolled your luggage over to you and kissed you on your lips in greeting.
“Loki- what?”
“No time to explain, we need to leave now in order to catch our flight,” he said ushering you out the door by patting you on the bum. You jumped up with giddiness, planting a lipstick-stained kiss on his cheek. He was always surprising you with little trinkets and excursions.
“Thank you, sir,” you said in a deep voice.
“Ooh, you dangerous nymph. Go on. I need my wits about me till we get on the plane. I can’t have you distracting me.”
“Then, after?” you asked luring him to a sinful promise.
“After,” he promised in the same breathy tone.
That was two days ago. Loki had kept his promise, and then some- inducting you both into the mile-high club several times over.
Now, here you were in a private villa surrounded by an infinity pool that stretched towards the Pacific, watching your godly boyfriend come out of the water. He ran his hands through his hair, combing the droplets from his tresses. Beads fell down the defined lines of his muscles causing you to heat up in the already balmy weather.
The sight of Loki, wet and in nothing but short swim trunks, was enough to make you convulse. You were sure that if Michelangelo had a model for David, it would’ve been Loki. And knowing Loki, you wouldn’t have been surprised if it was him.
He came up to you, lounging on your chair, and shook his wet hair in front of you to tease you. “St-stop!” you laughed as you playfully pushed him before you got completely wet.
“Awe, come on, Darling. I thought you liked me wet?” he charmed as he sat next to you and leaned in for a kiss.
“I have to admit, it is kind of refreshing.” You said as your hands guided themselves around his slick body. “It’s so hot here. I might need something to cool me down,” you tempted.
There was a flash of understanding in his face. Nights of hedonistic pleasure and anticipation of his moods taught you how to read him. If you weren’t so attuned to him- so zealously infatuated with him and his praise over you, you would have missed it. But you didn’t.
“What’s wrong?” you asked.
“Nothing. I just-” he paused for a second, trying to find the right words. “There was a reason why I chose Fiji.”
“You mean, the beautiful waters and sandy beaches weren’t enough of a reason?” you joked.
“It’s in the southern hemisphere. Which means that it’s summer here whilst still cold and winter back home.”
“Why would the season be an issue?”
“Contingency.”
“Contingency, for what?” you asked confused.
“It was about what you wanted for Christmas,” he answered slowly. Confusion still clouding your memory. Little bits and pieces of a long-forgotten conversation nipped at your mind as you tried to piece together what you had asked him to give you.
As if to remind you, Loki raised his hand and cupped your face. As he did so, his fingers turned a beautiful shade of blue. It was fair, yet sharp. It reminded you of the color of blue thistles on a cold afternoon.
As he touched your cheek, a shiver ran down your skin making you shudder for the first time since you arrived. Realization struck you as you remembered the conversation you two had a month ago.
“I think I know what I want for Christmas,” you lured him in.
“And what is that, my Darling?” Loki said absentmindedly while looking through his mission briefing.
“You."
“You already have me,” he scoffed, placing a kiss on your forehead.
“I meant…all of you…the other you…” you trailed silently. Loki looked at you bewildered. There were many nights he had dreamt of taking you in his other form, wondering how you would react to him. He’s postponed showing you this long because he was afraid of his feral nature. He would be at the mercy of his urges and base needs. Loki wasn’t quite sure how to ease you into that new situation. Would he be too much for you? Knowing your adventurous spirit, you wouldn’t mind having his beastly side take you.
“Why, you little nymph. Now, why would you want to see that side of me, hmm?”
Excitement bubbled up inside you. “Loki, I-” you started, but he quickly put a finger to your lips to quiet you.
“I want this, Darling. And I want it with you. So, if at any point in time, you want to stop, you know our safe word.” You nodded your head enthusiastically and Loki chuckled. “But I should let you know, that…there was a reason why I’ve waited this long to show you. I become somewhat different when I change. Jotunns, in their very nature, are severe. Harsher. They have to be, to live in the climate they do, and survive.”
You sat there, fervently hanging onto every word Loki was saying. “We relied upon each other for strength, for warmth, basic needs…” Loki trailed off, tracing your lower lip with his cold finger. “You can imagine the creativity we had in finding ways to keep our blood warm and stave off the frigid climate.” You nodded solemnly at his words as if they were gospel.
“If we do this, I need you to be in control. Do you understand me, Darling?” he asked, inching closer to you. You felt a shiver run down your body. You focused on his eyes as his lips weaved a spell for you to follow. “I won’t know how much is too much. How rough is too rough.”
Loki grabbed your hips and sat you on his lap. The sudden move made you yelp into his arms. “Sorry, my dear. You see, I’m already too excited. My body is reacting to you.” He ran his nose up and down your neck. His cold hands encircled your back, caging you on top of him. “I’ve wanted to take you like this for so long.” His hands entwined themselves with your hair and pulled as his lips met yours in a crushing kiss.
You held on tightly, with your legs wrapped around his waist, as Loki stood up and walked both of you to the edge of your bed. When he broke the kiss, you heard him moan before he continued to suck a bruise onto your neck.
You felt his body change. The hairs atop your skin began to stand as the temperature began to drop. The once-sweltering heat that prickled your skin was replaced by the cool tingles of his touch. It surrounded you and enveloped you in a cold caress. You finally understood the need for a warmer climate. With a slight force, he released you from him, falling onto the soft mattress below.
That was when you had your first glimpse of his true self. The beautiful shade of blue you had seen earlier spread throughout his body. His form was somehow sharper, more jagged. Yet still soft and giving. He had markings defined by fine lines and grooves. They traced over his muscles and sinew, highlighting the best parts of himself. You followed them with your eyes as it led your stare down to his protruding cock. Your jaw went slack as you noticed how hard he was for you already.
Loki watched you appraise him. Your wanton eyes grew darker, and your breathing got quicker. His senses picked up every reaction that your body was going through. He was prepared to confront your fear or disgust, but he couldn’t see that in your face. Instead, he saw hunger and need. He could smell your desire growing for him and it made him feral. He wrapped his hands around his shaft, stroking himself to the sight of you, ready and waiting on his bed.
Loki felt ravenous as he knelt over you on top of the sheets. He spread your legs apart, seating himself in between the warmth of your thighs. His heavy cock resting atop your wet cunt. His hands eagerly tore up your swimsuit as they explored and venerated your body. His lip’s sole mission was to mark bruises where his hands had trailed, following the chill of his touch.
“…Loki…”
“Shh, Darling. I won’t hurt you. Unless you want me to,” he winked as he nipped the underside of your breast. Too many emotions. Too many thoughts. They were swirling at the forefront of his mind wanting to be said. His desire for you was overwhelming him.
In this form, he felt more primal. His emotions were stronger and almost frightening, but all he felt was fire. Everywhere. An all-consuming heat that wouldn’t dissipate until he had claimed you. His need for you was never as aggressive as it was right now. If he wasn’t careful, he knew he could easily hurt you. He needed you to be in control.
“Don’t stop,” you begged him.
“And what would you have me do my Darling?” he breathed onto your skin. “Tell me, and I will comply.” Loki was giving you the green light. The authority to take over because he wasn’t sure if he could be gentle enough not to harm you.
Oh, but the fire. The fire inside him wouldn’t relent. “Shall I force my cock down your throat till you gag for me to stop?” he suggested with a grin. You bit your lip and moaned as the image took hold in your mind. You moved your hips involuntarily, rubbing against his hefty shaft.
“Maybe I’ll edge you for the rest of our stay. Keep you here tied to our bed, my little slave, until I’ve properly bred you.” Loki seized your lips and held you down on the bed. His cold hands capture your wrist in an icy grip.
“S’cold,” you gritted.
“You can take it. You don’t mind a little bit of frostbite. Don’t you, my love?” He ground his hips as he bit into the soft flesh of your shoulder, leaving teeth marks in their wake. You felt his hard cock rub against your sensitive nub. It elicited the most erotic noise from your lips. Loki fought to keep his composure. With every moan you made, it got harder and harder for him to control his urges.
“I thought this was supposed to be my Christmas present,” you sighed, regaining some form of authority and clarity. You intertwined your fingers with his and signaled him to turn over with your hip. You pushed his shoulders down onto the bed as you straddled his waist.
Loki looked up at you in all your glory. Your beautiful face shining down with love and adoration was enough to heal the worry and anxiety he was feeling. “I want to admire my present,” you pouted as your eyes took all of him in.
His mischievous smile broke through as he raised his arms and placed his hands behind his head. “As you wish,” he hissed as the corded muscles in his biceps swelled.
You traced his beautiful blue markings down from his arms to his pecs. “You’re beautiful,” you whispered absent-mindedly, getting lost in the exploration of his body. Loki blushed at your words. He had never heard that word describe his Jotunn form before and it ignited a warm glow inside of him. Different than the fire, but still heated.
You leaned over him as your study led you to his neck and handsome face. You traced his dark lips as he opened them. His bright ruby eyes concentrated on you. “I love my present,” you whispered before you gently kissed him. “Thank you.”
Loki deepened the kiss, his tongue invading yours, as he wrapped his arms around you once again. His cold touch left a trail of goosebumps as he squeezed and grabbed your ass. He raised you slightly with one hand. And with the other, he guided himself into your entrance. The slick of your arousal coating the tip of his hard cock. “Are you ready for me?” he grunted. You nodded your head, keeping your lips on his, not wanting to break contact.
He thrust deep into your body. His heels held on against the mattress of the bed. He held your hips stable as he continued to drive upwards slowly- savoring how snug you were around him. Every pull of your tight pussy made him moan your name. “…yes…” he whined.
You sat up, holding onto his shoulders for support. “I need you, Loki,” you pleaded. Your nails dug into his dark skin as your hips took over his strokes. “…deeper…faster…”
“Take me then, Darling. Use me.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wanted to do this for you. To be good for you. With each push of your hips, he unraveled each time. Crowning to a tight knot in his abdomen.
You waited patiently for him to open his eyes and see the love and pride you had for him. When he did, you were met with an intense sparkle of carmine. Desire and vulnerability shone through, swirling in his gaze. His brows furrowed with pleasure as he bit his lip. “…oh, fuck…” he cried.
You moved faster. Your swollen clit rubbed against his dark curls adding to the already heightened pleasure you were building. You took his hands from your hips and guided them up your body. You placed them over your bouncing tits and he squeezed- rubbing your hardened nipple with his thumb.
“That’s my good little whore,” he gasped. “You like it rough don’t you?” You squeezed tighter around him in answer and Loki couldn’t stop the wolfish grin on his face.
He swallowed thickly watching you enjoy his touch. “Loki” you screamed. The only indication that you had reached your climax and was about to topple over. You trembled over his body screaming his name over and over as you came down from your bliss.
“Don’t stop, Darling.” He pushed harder into you. “Ride me,” he commanded. Loki watched as you clenched around his hard cock- disappearing into your wet folds. The sight was enough to make him tremble.
God, he was so much bigger in this form. You had to push hard to meet the hilt of his shaft. You raised your hips and dipped back down eliciting the deepest groan fleeing his lips. “That’s a good girl,” he whispered. “Fuckin’ good girl.” His head tilted back and the desire to claim you came back. He had to take you faster. Harder.
He dug his heels back into the mattress and slammed his hips upwards. The gasping air leaving your lungs, the wicked moans filling his ears. All of it coerced him to cum inside you- finally releasing his pent-up yearning. Loki couldn’t stop the moans or praises leaving his lips. Your name peppered in with teasing curses and praises. “You always know how to make me feel good, don’t you, pet?” he prized as he took a deep breath to steady his exhaustion.
“Mmm, yes sir.” You kissed him ardently, taking his breath away from his already spent lungs. You trailed your kisses down to his neck and onto his panting chest. Each kiss made your lips tingle and chilly.
“We should probably get ready for dinner. What say you, my love?”
“Hmm? Maybe in a while…I’m not done playing with my Christmas gift yet.” You responded as your lips traveled further down towards his already hardening cock.
Loki smiled as he closed his eyes, savoring the feel of your warm tongue on his cool skin. “In a while,” he repeated. “Fuck…in a while.”
🏷️ @emarich7 @michelleleewise @coldnique @psychospore @lokisgoodgirl @silverfire475 @fictive-sl0th @springdandelixn @wheredafandomat @goldencherriess @peaches1958 @salempoe @thomase1 @kkdvkyya @a-witch-with-words @mischief2sarawr @sarawr-reads @vbecker10 @peachymallow @irishhappiness @cakesandtom @simplyholl @here4thefanfics @tallseaweed @holdmytesseract @immersed-in-mischief @joyful-enchantress @lokisninerealms @kikster606 @glitterylokislut @loz-3 @slytherclaw1227 @chantsdemarins @the-lady-amphitrite @eleniblue @km-ffluv @lokidokieokie @n3rdybirdee @melsunshine @gigglingtiggerv2 @lokischambermaid @cjand10 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @chrisevansmaindish ++
#Loki#Loki fanfiction#Loki imagine#Loki x reader#Loki x yn#Loki x you#fluff#angst#smut#Loki au#avengers Loki#Loki Laufeyson#Loki Odinson#Loki Friggason#christmas fic#loki fanfic#loki smut#xmas#holidays#secret santa#camille's secret santa 2023
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Light On- single mom/neighbor fic
Simon Riley/female reader
Prompt: 1 of 2 for sickfics / requested by multiple
I’m going to need a raincheck for dinner tonight.
Simon frowns at his phone. You’re bailing? You seemed excited about it when he asked earlier in the week, offering to take you and Emmaline down the street to the little café on the corner for dinner. It had taken him days to work up the courage, needlessly pushed on by Johnny’s ‘encouragement’ relentless text messages filled with date ideas, and bad pick-up lines.
Still, you had said yes. Had asked if meant Emma too, and he took secret pleasure in the way you seemed so relieved when he tilted his head and told you, of course.
Okay. Is everything alright? He fires back immediately, wondering if the crying that he’s been hearing on and off all morning has anything to do with you backing out.
I’m not feeling great, and neither is Emma. I think we’re coming down with something. Coming down with something, like you’re sick? You’re sick? Anxiety twists in the pit of his stomach, worrying curling his fingers into a fist with a clench.
Alright. Let me know if you need anything? He waits for a text back, an answer of some kind, an assurance that you’ll seek him out if you need help or need anything.
It never comes.
Six hours later, Simon is at your door.
He has grit his teeth through the day, paced around his own flat endlessly, tried everything he could think of to distract himself. Every time he heard Emmaline wail, his stomach flipped, worry, fear, breaking down his logical sense, the analytical part of his brain until he was standing in front of your door, waiting for the inevitable click of the handle.
When it comes, and you’re standing on the other side, his heart sinks.
He should have come over soon.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He says it as softly as he can, a newfound pitch of his voice that seems to only be reserved for you, trying to allay the panic that has started to form as ice inside his chest.
“Sorry about the noise.” You croak, and he smothers his wince. You sound awful, voice nearly gone, like your throat has been rubbed raw with sandpaper. Emmaline is clad only in a diaper, and when he looks closer, he can see the stain of what he thinks must be her vomit on your shirt. Over your shoulder, dirty bottles, dishes lay stacked next to the sink, a laundry basket with a mountain of baby clothes piled high sits on the table.
“Can I help-“ You sway, arm tightening around the baby, and he doesn’t think, doesn’t stop himself, he just moves.“Alright,” He murmurs, wrapping an arm around you, supporting both you and Emmaline by shifting you into his side, one hand against Emma’s back. She feels warm, but not nearly as hot as you, and panic tries to bubble up his throat again at the blaring heat that’s coming from your skin. “I’ve got you.”
“Sorry, ‘m a little dizzy.”
“It’s okay.” He keeps you close, turning you back through the door. Emma makes scratchy, unhappy noises, and he rubs his thumb against her skin. “Shhh. I know, I know. You’re okay.” You lean into him harder, and he accommodates it, moving the two of you towards the couch. “I know, you’re not feeling too good are you?” He says to Emma after he gets you down on the couch, hands now around her back, waiting for a sign of permission from you to lift her.
“She can go down. If you-“ Your breath gets caught in your chest, and you curl forward, his hand going to your shoulder, your body shaking with a cough. “If you want to try.” You whisper once you recover, brows knitted together in misery, and he cradles her, rocking her back and forth, mimicking your usual movements.
“You stay right here.” He nods to the couch, using a fraction of the voice he uses on Johnny, and you immediately nod, eyes shuttering closed with a slow blink. “Just rest.”
Emmaline is still crying when he opens the door to her room, the first he’s seen it, pale green walls and dark wood crib, small rocker in the corner next to a changing table. It’s a comforting space, decorated and cared for with love, and for a moment, his mind wanders to an image of you, painting the walls with a swollen belly, or curled in the plush rocker, reading a book to Emmaline, still nestled inside you. He wasn’t there for it, but he just knows you were so beautiful, the kind of glow that would have stopped him in the street. You still stop him in the street.
Emma wails, bringing him back to reality with a softer cry than earlier, and he keeps her close to his chest, murmuring low and soft. “Shhh. You’re alright, baby girl. You’re okay.” He continues the rocking side to side thing you usually do in a standing position, mumbling things to her, stroking his fingers down her cheek, her forehead, bouncing and swaying at the same. “Are you not feeling too good? Is that what’s got you all upset? Yeah. I get kind of grumpy when I don’t feel good either.” He coos, little lashes slowly blinking up at him, transfixed on his face during his stream of chatter until they begin to slip shut, her mouth still hanging half open. He holds his breath, staring in astonishment at her sleeping face, half shocked, half ridiculously pleased.
“Have you taken anything?” He barely sits on your ottoman, leaning over to get a better look at you, uncomfortable with the way your eyes seem glazed over, how slow they are to react. Maybe you need to go to the hospital?
“Some naproxen, a bit ago.” You look exhausted, eyelids heavy, and he can’t stop himself from pressing the back of his hand to your forehead.
“You’re really warm, sweetheart. Do you need a doctor?” Tell me what to do, he wants to beg. Tell me how to help.
“No, jus’ sleep.” A confused look flickers across your face. “Oh my god, did you…” you swallow a cough, his hand sliding down to cup your shoulder, thumb soft against your dirty t shirt. “did you get her down?” He nods, slowly, fighting the small grin that tugs at his lips.
“Wow.” You breathe, and your hand drags up your chest to where his still sits on your arm, fingers intertwining in his with a small squeeze. “You really are our hero.” He smiles at you, because how can he not, heart warm and full in his chest, the feeling something he hasn’t experienced in a long, long time.
There’s a moment, a second extended into a minute, maybe an hour, he’s not sure, where you don’t look away from him. Where you look at him, really look at him, and see him, see his twice broken nose, the scar on his cheek, the one above his eyebrow. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t try to hide or look away, just holds himself still, staring down at you on the couch, sweat dotting your forehead and neck, still beautiful with your fever parched skin and tired eyes.
“Simon.” You whisper, and he thinks, maybe… he’s supposed to kiss you right now. That if he were braver, if Johnny were here to egg him on, if he felt like it wasn’t taking advantage of your weakened state… he might. But instead-
“Why don’t you close your eyes, love. Try to get some rest. I’ll stay. See if I can get some of these dishes done. I can get her if she gets up.”
“You don’t have-“
“I know.” He soothes. “I know I don’t, but I’m here. Let me help.” Let me help you. Let me be here.
You take a deep breath, as deep as you can manage, and then your voice is light, but so sweet, and so, so trusting when you say;
“Okay, Simon.”
#peaches writes#light on#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley
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HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND — y.o
⛤ yuuta okkostu x fem! reader
How else would yuuta react if you denied your relationship in front of everyone? You obviously weren’t gonna be let off easy.
cw. smut. (kinda) exes to lovers-ish. thigh riding. semi-public sex. library sex. dry humping. oral (f. receiving). groping. marking. pet names (princess). face grabbing. slight manhandling. +18!
wc: 1.1k
a/n: yall i got a full time job and I’m doing school and i really want to post my fics more bc i love sharing my writing and hopefully this doesn’t sound rushed lol.
“He’s not my boyfriend!”
You practically had to shout it out loud for it to be known. How many times did you have to say it to get through Maki’s skull as she was constantly teasing you about how you and Yuuta used to act like two middle schoolers in love, laughing about it in front of everyone.
You wanted to craddle yourself into a ball hearing it all made you remember the soft moments you had together and then made you cringe about it in every being of your body.
You held hands and tried to catch the perfect moment to kiss but was too anxious to, spent everyday together before he left, he promised to send a call, text or at least email and now he’s back, decides to act all cool, his attitude changes only slightly like he’s all that now, he had fixed his hair to side and his demeanor turns cold. Everything about him and his current presence ticked you off. He didn’t have to stay. You wished he’d go back.
Did you really wish that? Or did you need him to trap you in the darkest aisle of a library where he caught you. Whispering in your ear to take all those awful words you said back while he’s pinning you against the tall shelf, his pelvis is rocking against yours, his lips ambushing your neck. He’s just kissing you and touching you all over, making sure you don’t escape him either. He’s squeezing your tits a bit too hard, leaving too many hickeys.
“Can we just take a moment—“
“Why should we?” his hot breath hitting the shell of your ear, traveling down your jawline. His hand squishing the sides of your cheeks to turn your head to the side to gain access to your neck. You could feel his wet muscle and his warm lips glide over your skin, his hand on the back of your ass, squeezing it and also pulling you more into him.
The slight change in yuuta was quite scary, he wasn’t as soft as he used to be. He’s leaving marks and his hips are moving recklessly. He knows it will be so much better if he could take your clothes off and be bare already to fuck you like he is your boyfriend, you’re all his.
He guides his leg between your legs under your skirt, his thigh grazing your covered cunt and his hands situated on your hips to rock you against his thigh.
“Didn’t you think it hurt my feelings when you said that in front of everyone?”
You couldn’t look him in the eyes knowing his eyes bore into you, he was looking for an apologetic look from you but you were too distracted by looking down watching as he was driving your hips to desperately drag on his thigh. He was pressing his leg harder into you making you finally let out out moan. The shame you felt when you realized you were in a public place making such noise.
“I was just telling the truth..hah…” your tone with half of regret and moans by yuuta forcing your hips to grind on him, your clit throbbing from the harsh friction and you’re already leaving a damp on his leg.
The way your words were set in annoyance and anger like you truly disregard the fact that you and yuuta never had a thing going on and this frustrates yuuta when he replays how you yelled that he wasn’t your boyfriend.
“I am your boyfriend, i just wanna make sure you don’t forget that princess” He pulls down your bottoms and he’s on his knees with his hands on the sides of your thighs like he’s kneeling to an angel which you were to him and you never thought so with all the built of negativity you had towards him.
“Alright i get it—“
He doesn’t think you do, he wants you to understand that you were his and he was yours. Why would he stop here? He’s already pulling down your underwear and your anxiety strikes at you when he gives your pussy a gentle kiss and you gave out a yelp, you kept your eye down the aisle to see if people would pass by. Your hand is slightly hovering over your mouth, so you’re still emitting small moans.
“C-come on yuuta—quit it already..ah!” You would rather move somewhere with more privacy though yuuta doesn’t care a place, he was too busy making out with your cunt now, his tongue flicked and sucked on your clit.
And it was not enough for him he had to prop your legs on his shoulders that your back pressed against the shelf of books more and you gasp by the sudden feeling of being weightless with your feet off the ground and yuuta buries his lips, his tongue to eat you out.
You cursed under your breath not knowing where to put your hands, you wanted to support yourself to not fall though yuuta would never let that happen and yet also drown in bliss with your hands gripping his black locks. the anxiousness and the pleasure clouding your mind at the same time.
Your trying your best to keep it down and your constant repeated pleas. Yuuta was lapping his tongue from the outside of your walls to your clit and something ignited deep in the pits of your stomach that just made you push your hips further into his face. It doesn’t seem like he was gonna stop anytime, he was so focused his eyes were shut thinking about how good you taste and how he had never got the chance before. he can tell that your twitching to cum soon and your sobs getting a little louder.
“Gonna cum! Gonna cum! Gonna cum!” You squealed, your legs wrapped around the back of his neck and your heels digged into his back, your spine arching off of the shelf and your eyelids flutter.
“Cum on my mouth princess, I’m all yours…” the way his voice melted your heart all over again, causing butterflies to fly in your tummy, made your orgasm come faster but also made you feel shamed and entirely hate it for feeling this way.
The moan of his name being let out so indecently that people might hear or probably did. Feeling the waves of you cumming flow through your body and his mouth hasn’t yet disconnected from you.
Yuuta looks up at you like this was just the beginning. You’re forced to wrap your arms around his neck when his hands comes under behind your knees, you still had no chance of keeping your feet on the floor. He’s already planning to fuck you with the zip of his pants and his cock freeing out, make you cry out a million times repeatedly that your his and he’s yours.
Now you’re gonna have to take everything you said back.
#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk yuta#jjk yuuta#jjk x you#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu smut#yuuta smut#yuta okkotsu smut#yuta x y/n#yuta okkotsu x reader#yuta x reader#yuta smut#yuuta x reader#yuta okkotsu
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Talkative- M. Sturniolo
pairing: Yapper!reader x Boyfriend!Matt
classification: SFW & NSFW headcannons
inspiration: request
warnings: some 18+ content, use of y/n, established relationship
summary: head cannons of Matt with a talkative, yapper girlfriend!
Talkative- C. Sturniolo (Chris’s Version)
Talkative- N. Sturniolo (Nick’s Version)
—
☆ SFW
It’s no secret that you love to talk, you can ramble on about topic after topic and never run out of things to say. Matt loves listening to you, whether you’re retelling your day or just discussing a topic you find interesting.
☆ you always ask him rhetorical questions in between your stories, “Okay, but can you believe she said that?” But you never give him enough time to respond.
☆ he just nods his head and hums in response, confused with all the characters of the story.
☆ when you’re watching a movie you always start asking questions about the characters or commenting on the scene.
☆ “why did they do that?” or “wow that’s a cute dress, I really like that.”
☆ most times he responds just so you know he’s listening, but other times he’ll ignore you because he’s too immersed in the movie.
☆ “Y/n I don’t fucking know, this is my first time watching this movie too,” and “That is a cute dress, baby. You’d look nice in it.”
☆ you’re ALWAYS last to finish your meal, mostly because you keep talking in between bites.
☆ he listens intently, responding in between mouthfuls of food with small “uh huh’s” and “yup’s.”
☆ by the end of your stories you’re usually not hungry anymore, so he eats your leftovers while you start yet another story.
☆ when you guys go through drive throughs he knows to just sit as far back into the drivers seat as possible.
☆ you’re leaning over him, chatting with the worker and somehow managing to learn their whole life story before you can even order.
☆ or when you’re going somewhere new and he needs the GPS you’ll constantly talk over it
☆ after missing like five exits, he begins to find it annoying
☆ “Babe, shhhhh,” he’ll smother your mouth with his hand while he grips the wheel with the other.
☆ that never stops you though, you just mumble from behind his hand.
☆ you’re such a good story teller that he can imagine everything you say.
☆ your stories have him dying of laughter, and it’s even funnier that you don’t laugh, you just continue telling the stories like normal.
☆ by the end of your story his face and ribs hurt from laughing so much, “Holy fuck that was hilarious.”
☆ when you say outlandish things he stares at you in shock, “Y/n! You can’t say that!”
☆ you just stare at him blankly and continue voicing your opinions.
☆ he looks at anyone who tells you to shut up with the ugliest, meanest stank face.
☆ you talk to EVERYONE whether it be in the checkout line in the grocery store or in the waiting room at the doctors office.
☆ Matt just turns away for one second and then when he looks back at you, you’re talking to an elderly lady and walking in the complete opposite direction.
☆ “Aw Matt, she said her cat died.”
☆ “Y/n, the cashier asked for your card.”
☆ “Oh, right! So sorry about that-”
☆ “You know what? I’ll pay for it,” he cuts you off before your rambling can distract you again.
☆ on the odd days that you’re quiet, he’ll know somethings wrong.
☆ you’re just sitting on the couch, scrolling through Netflix on the TV or typing away mindlessly on your laptop.
☆ “What’s wrong with you?” he says abrasively, like if he’s upset that you’re quiet.
☆ you’ll just shake your head, choosing to remain silent.
☆ “Did somebody do something to you? Why are you so quiet?” he’s ready to fight whoever made you upset.
☆ “I’m just tired,” you mumble, followed with a quick shrug.
☆ He doesn’t pry, he just lays with you and waits until your mood picks up so he can listen to more stories.
☆ if he ever starts telling someone a story you’re quick to interrupt, “no that’s not what happened!”
☆ he playfully rolls his eyes and lets you take the spotlight.
☆ NSFW
Although Matt loves listening to you talk, sometimes it becomes too much. So, he has to get creative and think of ways to shut you up.
☆ the movie is getting good and you won’t stop talking, asking about the characters and the storyline.
☆ next thing you know you’re on your knees with Matt’s dick in your mouth.
☆ he’ll let you do all the work as he continues to watch the movie in silence.
☆ sometimes you’re a little too friendly with strangers.
☆ Matt’s not usually the jealous type, but he knows that guys get the wrong idea when you’re talking to them and that they mistake your friendliness for flirting.
☆ he’ll pull you away and take you to a secluded area, “we gotta go.”
☆ “Wait but I wasn’t finished talk-“
☆ “we gotta go, Y/n.”
☆ then he’s fucking you and making you talk to him through it, “C’mon, I thought you weren’t finished talking.”
☆ you’re forced to babble your way through it, each thrust fogging your brain more and more.
☆ other times he’ll let you use your words to praise him.
☆ like when he’s eating you out, he just wants to hear you say how good he’s doing.
☆ “Yes, baby, right there. You’re making me feel so good.”
☆ after, he’ll make you ride him and whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
☆ “You feel so good, baby. So big, I can’t take it.”
☆ your words are always enough to send him into a frenzy.
☆ he’s wrapping his arms around your waist and bucking into you until he cums.
☆ when you guys are done having sex, he’ll cuddle into your side and lay his head on your chest while you play with his hair.
☆ these are the moments when he talks and you just listen, only chiming in occasionally.
—
MASTERLIST
A/n:
YAP 🗣️YAP 🗣️YAP🗣️
thank you for this request I luv that I’m cementing my legacy as a certified yapper 😏
- L.A.M.B👼🏻💗
—
taglist: @nicksmainbitch @sturniololovers @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @gnxosblog @meg-sturniolo @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattnchrisworld @sanyi5 @lustfulslxt @whicked-hazlatwhore @tworosesblackthorn
note: if you want to be tagged in my fanfic related posts, you can access my TAGLIST and comment 💐
#teapartyanonreqs✨💗#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#sturniolo#matthew sturniolo imagine#matthew sturniolo x reader#matt sturniolo imagine#matt sturniolo smut#matt sturniolo x reader#matt x y/n#matt x reader#matt sturniolo x you#matthew sturniolo#matthew sturniolo smut#matthew sturniolo headcannons#matthew sturniolo x y/n#matthew bernard sturniolo#matthew sturniolo oneshot#matthew sturniolo fanfic#sturniolos#chris sturniolo x reader#nick sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo fanfic#nicolas sturniolo x reader#christopher sturniolo fanfic#christopher sturniolo x y/n#christopher sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo imagine#chris x y/n
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Some facts/statements I use to remind myself that a day or two eating above your calorie limit is not going to reverse all your progress, even if it feels like it has 💕
-You would have to consume roughly 3500 cal above your bmr to put on 1 lbs/0.5kg. The extra few hundred won't have as drastic an effect as your brain believes.
-The weight you think you've put on so quickly is water retention and if you drink enough water it usually goes away.
-The extra calories sometimes help some people with keeping their metabolism high, meaning more weight loss in the long run.
-I know the extra weight in your stomach feels awful but it will pass eventually. Everything passes eventually.
-You can always exercise some/all of the extra calories off for peace of mind if you can't cope.
-Progress never looks like a straight line. Whether you've binged or not your body is still going to have ups and downs. This is just an up wave you need to try and ride.
-Do your best not to let it tear you apart. Try to distract yourself with something for the rest of the day to keep your head above water. If your head does sink under, on the plus side, crying burns a decent amount of calories.
-You are not a robot. Slip ups happen and they're probably happening because you're lacking vital nutrition. Allow your body a break sometimes even if your mind isn't happy about it. A few hundred extra calories may stop you from passing out and bashing your head on the wall.
-Tomorrow is a new day. If no coping mechanisms are helping, sleep it off the best you can. Sleep burns a surprising amount of calories and you can always start fresh the next day.
-You are not a failure. Just because your mind keeps telling you that you are doesn't mean it's true. It's your survival instincts bleeding through the disorder. It's a reminder that the you from before this is still in there somewhere and you'll find them one day. A reminder that deep down you're still capable of finding enjoyment and happiness in something other than watching numbers fall.
-If you've read this far tysm for taking the time to do so and I wish you the best in this crappy life. Stay safe and remember to be smart about your health through this journey💕
#pro for me not for thee#ana trigger#tw ana diary#@na rules#ana bllog#ana rant#ed not ed sheeran#4n4rexia#@n0r3xia#an0r3c1a#pro a4a#pro4n4#i want to ⭐️ve#i need to ⭐️ve#i will reach my ugw#body ch3ck#@na blog#i wish i was weightless#⭐️rving#anatumblr#an4r3xia#@na trigger#@na tips#@nor3×14#@na vent#ed not sheeren#tw ed diet#tw restrictive ed#disordered eating thoughts#block dont report
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