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#everybody's emotions are high and excuses can be made
fooltofancy · 7 months
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writing aymeric like he gets to say fuck. as a treat.
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I’m sorry but I have to request Jake x fem & Navi reader once again 😩
I have this idea where Jake has an obvious crush on reader but hasn’t confessed so reader decides to tease him the whole day like brushing against him or “accidentally” touching his c0ck but Jake doesn’t quite give up until reader flirts with Tsu’tey 😜
Jake watches from distance and reader knows he’s there so she touches Tsu’teya arms and praises him which is the last straw for Jake 😋 and it ends with Jake giving reader a lesson ( yk me like spanking and chocking, also the sir & breeding kink like I’m sorry )
AAAAAA jealous Jake Sully just afraid of sharing his emotions?? 😩😩😩 the tension omggggg
And don't apologize, love!! I adore getting your requests!!
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Everybody knows Jake Sully has a thing for you. Well, thing is probably underestimating it. It's more like he's already in love. He follows you around like a lost puppy, he makes you gifts like bracelets and necklaces but he just never gives them to you. He wants to, he really does, but—
He has no excuse. You just make him nervous. Really, really nervous.
But it's obvious. So much, that even you know, and you wish the young oloeyktan would gather the courage to confess. He can never seem to bring himself to that. So you resort to...well, trying to provoke him to confess.
One particular day, when Jake is training with you, you get extra touchy. Placing a hand on his arm, giving him big doe eyes and a pretty smile, and going as far as ghosting your fingers over the front of his loincloth. Although that last one elicits a soft cough and blush from him, he still doesn't say anything.
As you aim your arrow, purposely messing up your stance, Jake stands behind you, correcting your position.
“Back straight, elbows high, eyes on the target,” he orders softly. He's so close, you can feel the warmth of his chest.
Playfully, you straighten your back, pushing your ass against his groin. Jake gasps quietly, and you coyly ask, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Jake coughs. “'m fine.”
You shoot the arrow, and it lands on the X carved into the tree. “You sure?” you question, placing a hand on his forehead. “You look...flustered.”
His blush increases, and he waves you away. “I'm fine. Honest.”
Later that same day, while you're making bracelets with your friends, Jake approaches, just taking a seat beside you and joining in the conversation.
You place a hand on Jake's large thigh, showing him a necklace you made and ask, “Do you like it?”
“It's beautiful,” he replies, but his eyes are focused on your fingers as they caress the skin of his thigh.
“You can have it,” you tell him, and before he can react, you climb on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck and tying the necklace.
His breath quickens, fanning over your shoulder, and you can feel his cock twitch under his loincloth. You straddle his hips, pretending to admire the necklace while you're actually getting a feel of his cock. “It looks good on you,” you tell him, smiling before innocently getting off his lap.
But even after that, he doesn't confess to anything.
It's frustrating you, and it makes you irrational.
As night approaches, you find yourself with Tsu’tey, actually asking him what to do with your Jake situation.
The others are around a bonfire a few feet away, eating and talking, and you can see Jake watching the two of you. The look in his eyes is odd, burning and dangerous, close to—
Jealousy.
You grab Tsu'tey by the arm, dragging him a little farther from the crowd, and you can feel Jake's eyes on you.
“So what should I do about Jake?” you ask him, holding onto his arm.
Tsu'tey sighs softly. “Maybe just tell him?” he suggests.
You laugh, giving him a big smile, aware that Jake is watching the exchange. “He'll never budge.”
“You won't know unless you try,” he says.
You sigh, caressing his arm. “I don't know...it scares me.”
Tsu'tey gives you a curious look at your touch, but says nothing about it. “It probably scares him, too.”
You bite the inside of your cheek. “You're saying I should just risk it?”
Tsu'tey nods. “Just risk it.”
Someone calls Tsu'tey back, and you two return to the bonfire. As you approach, your eyes flicker to Jake's, who continues to stare, and you tell Tsu'tey, “You're the best, you know that?”
Tsu'tey laughs quietly and waves goodbye.
You're the best, you know that?
The words ignite a fire in Jake, annoyance filling his veins. He moves toward you, looking like a predator stalking his prey, and he grabs you by the wrist.
“Come with me,” he growls, dragging you away from the crowd. He takes you deep into the forest and you can smell his rage.
The clearing he takes you to is dark, way away from the crowd, and you feel somewhere between worried and excited.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he snaps, whirling around to face you. His eyes are wide, bright with rage.
“What do you mean?” you ask innocently.
He pushes you to your knees in front of him, enraged. “You know as much as I do that you're not stupid,” he snaps. “You know what you were doing. Tell me, now, what your fucking plan was.”
“No plan,” you respond, shrugging.
“You just desperate for cock, hm? Willing to take it from the first guy who walks past you?”
“No,” you reply, snarky.
Jake grabs you by the back of your head, tangling his fingers into your hair, harshly tugging on it. “That's sir to you,” he says firmly.
You look up at him through your eyelashes. “No, sir,” you repeat.
He moves his hand to you chin, holding you in place, and he orders, “Open your mouth, you slut.”
You obey easily, eagerly, and Jake spits in your mouth, making you whine softly.
“You're mine,” he growls. “Mine. That's my spit in your mouth, it's gonna be my cock in your cunt. You're mine.”
He turns you around roughly, pushing you on all fours and then placing a large hand on your back to press your chest against the floor.
He spanks your ass, watching the flesh bounce, and he can feel his cock twitch under his loincloth. He spanks you again, making you mewl.
“Doesn't feel pretty, does it?” he chuckles. “Makes you rethink your fucking attitude, hm?”
“Yes,” you reply.
He spanks you again, harsh. “Yes, what?”
“Yes, sir,” you quickly correct.
He rubs your ass cheek with his hand, squeezing the soft flesh. You push your hips back in response, eager, and he spanks you again.
“Please, sir. I'll be good, please,” you beg.
He slaps your thigh, and then slaps your pussy, making you jerk and mewl. “Now that you're getting punished, you're playing nice. What's that say about you, huh?”
“That I just wanted you t'fuck me,” you reply.
Jake chuckles. “Then you shoulda just said that, you silly girl. I woulda fucked you without punishing you, hm?”
“But you didn't say anything, didn't do anything!” you point out, whimpering. “Everything I did to get your attention, and you still didn't say anything.”
“'m doin' something 'bout it now, aren't I?” He scoffs. “You just had to go and push all my fuckin' buttons, now you better take the consequences.”
He removes his loincloth and pushes the tip of his cock to your soaked folds, making you gasp. Your back arches like a cat's, exposing your pussy, and he groans softly.
He slides his cock into you with ease, you're dripping to the floor, and you whimper softly as he fills you to the brim.
“Fuck,” he groans. “Oh, honey, you're so tight.”
You grind your hips back. “Please. Sir, please, I need it so bad,” you beg.
Jake is rough and mean in the way he thrusts into you, making you mewl, your nails digging into the ground.
“I'm going to remind you exactly who you belong to,” he grunts, his hips slamming into your ass, your cervix taking the bruising from the thick head of his cock.
“You know I'm yours, sir,” you tell him, trying to buck your hips back against his. “I'm all yours. 'm sorry I made you angry, was just tryin' to get your attention, sir.”
“You got my attention now,” he says, his hands bruising the skin of your hips as he fucks you. “What d'you say about that?”
“Thank you,” you whimper. “Thank you, sir. This is all I wanted—You're all I wanted.”
Jake can hear his heart beating in his ears, butterflies filling his stomach. He leans down to kiss between your shoulder blades, licking your spine before he bites the nape of your neck. “That's what I like to hear,” he grunts, his cock abusing your sensitive gummy walls.
You whimper, your swollen nipples dragging against the ground, a coil growing low in your stomach as the pleasure slowly floods into your womb.
He reaches a hand around your hip to play with your raw clit as it pulses with need. You mewl at the sensation, your sopping cunt tightening around Jake.
“Please. Sir, please! Make me come!”
“I know, baby,” he says, chuckling. “I know you need me to make you come. You were so desperate for me that you went and behaved like a slut with another man. What's that say about yourself, hm?”
“Mhmm! Mhmm!” you manage, whimpering in response.
“Fucked dumb already?” he sneers. He spanks your ass, making you gasp. “Answer me, what's that say about yourself?” he insists.
You whine lowly, your cheek pressed to the ground, your spit dribbling out of your mouth and to the soil below. “'m a whore!” you reply, body shaking.
Jake spanks you again. “A whore and a brat. So fuckin' disgusting, just needing me to fuck you nice and deep, huh?”
“Sir, please. Please!” you mewl, eyes rolling into the back of your head as you clench around him. Your pussy is soaked, your slick smeared on his hips and thighs, coating his balls as they slam into your raw folds. You're seeing stars behind your eyelids, the coil in your stomach ready to snap.
Jake's ears fold back and he glances between your bodies, watching the way your ass bounces with each thrust, the sound echoing in the quiet Pandora night. He can't take his eyes off your ass, the way his hands bruise your hips, the way your body jolts forth and back with each pound. He loves how he's much stronger than you, how you're like a pretty rag doll for him to toss around, and he adores that you'd never stop him. You're too much of a slut for that.
He spanks your ass again, sending pain whirling through you. It mixes with the ecstasy and suddenly you're over the edge. The pleasure crawls across your skin, washing over you in waves that drown you in bliss.
Your ears are ringing, your heart racing, your mind blank, and you realize that Jake is still fucking into you. His thrusts are harsh, mean, his cock continously bruising your insides, your cervix sore from the abuse.
You reach a hand back, grabbing onto Jake's wrist and you beg, “No more. No more.”
He ignores you, fucking you, if anything, harder than before as he feels his own orgasm approaching.
“'m gonna come inside you,” he growls, cock stretching your gummy walls. “'m gonna fill you up, and I'm gonna give you a baby. Would you like that? Would you like me to put a baby in you?”
You mewl, body shaking, and whine, “Please! Sir, please! I need it!”
“Goddamn right you do,” he groans, his hips stuttering as the pleasure overcomes him. “Fuck, you're so fuckin' good for me, you slut.”
You can feel a second coil building in your lower stomach, growing and stretching until suddenly you come again, your slick gushing out of you. Jake can feel it dripping down his balls, and the sound of your squelching pussy sends him over the edge.
“Fuck!” he cries as he pushes all the way into you. His cock presses against your cervix as his cum spurts into you, thick ropes of white sliding right into your womb.
“Fuck,” he echoes, taking a few deep breaths to compose himself. He pulls out of you, his fingers spreading your folds. He watches his cum spill out of you for a moment before gathering it with his fingers and pushing it back into you. “Keep it in there, yeah? 'f you want my baby, you can't waste a single drop.”
He helps you lie on the ground and settles beside you, pressing soft kisses to your shoulder.
“Fucking finally,” you gasp, breathing heavily. “I thought I'd never get you to confess you like me.” Then, after a moment, you add, “Remind me to thank Tsu'tey for this. But later. When I can walk again.”
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@kamcrazy123 @yagirlheree @sweetllamaparadise @neytirishottie @crazy4books1
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come-see-our-show · 1 year
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Now that it’s been a week since I've watched Roald Dahl's Matilda: The Musical, here are all my thoughts (as someone who loves the musical and played Bruce once):
THE BABIES SINGING IN THE OPENING NUMBER WAS THE CUTEST SHIT I'VE EVER SEEN
The cast was INCREDIBLE!! Emma Thompson was terrifying! Stephen Graham and Andrea Riseborough were hilarious! Lashana Lynch was so endearing! AND I WANNA SEE ALISHA WEIR IN MORE STUFF BECAUSE SHE ATE IT UP
I want to give credit to the makeup team for Trunchbull's makeup because even though I knew it was Emma Thompson, they did such a good job of realistically transforming her into someone else. Her appearance wasn't a joke in the same way that it is in the musical. Her character in the stage version is definitely pretty misogynistic and transphobic because they play into her masculinity by having a man play her. Here, it's just a way of adding to her character, but it isn't what makes her scary.
All of the changes worked so well in adapting it for the screen. It wasn't just a copy-paste (couch cough everybody's talking about jamie) Examples of the changes that really worked:
Getting rid of Michael Wormwood. It makes sense since the Wormwoods clearly hate kids.
Giving Lavender a pet newt (very Chekhov's Guncore)
Including telekinesis throughout the whole story instead of just showing it a few times in the 3rd act. This includes Nigel asking Matilda if she has TK, Matilda messing with the doors in the cake scene, exploding the chokey, THE FUCKING CHAINS
Having the Spain news earlier in the story, causing a catalyst of events. Matilda is enraged, she sings I'm Here, she explodes the chokey (which was BONE-CHILLING), it gives Trunchbull a reason to make more chokies, and now Matilda is so emotional that she can take her powers to the extreme with the chalkboard and the chains and throwing Trunchbull out the window. All of this gave much better pacing in the story and made it all connected.
Having more scenes outside of the classroom (the cake scene and The Smell of Rebellion) and putting Ms. Phelps' library in her car. It's quirky and also gives them an excuse to put the storytelling scenes in pretty locations.
Giving Ms Honey a bike while her co-worker had a car, foreshadowing her being poor.
Putting Matilda's bedroom in the attic made so much sense because the Wormwoods obviously did the bare minimum for their child.
The students' drawings in Ms Honey's cottage
SO MANY FANTASY SEQUENCES! BRUCE!! WHEN I GROW UP!!! QUIET!!!!
All of the kids were so adorable (and ridiculously talented!)
The storytelling sequences!!! Interweaving it with the real world worked so well, like Matilda making it a real story for school but also clearly using it to cope. And putting them in a real circus made me more empathy for the Honeys, which lacked in the stage version because it always felt very thrown-in to me. Like, I genuinely got nervous during the stunt with the dynamite. It also made "I'm Here" even more emotional. Carl Spencer was amazing as Magnus and I teared up a bit. Also the parallels of I'm Here vs My House, helping Matilda put the pieces together.
The new song wasn't my favorite but it was a really nice finishing touch. Even though the circus at the school didn't logically make sense it was so fun
The only things I disliked: I wanted more of the already incredible stuff. More of the Wormwoods, who were absolutely hilarious, especially Mrs Wormwood. I really missed "Loud" (though removing it helped with the pacing). I wanted a bit more of Bruce (they didn’t give him the high note in Revolting Children 😭), and I would've liked Ms Honey to be a bit more affectionate with Matilda.
Anywho I want snort this movie like cocaine
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ishipgenfics · 1 year
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You and Your Human: Part 2
Part 1
You let yourself fall apart with your human for a few more moments before pulling yourself up. You are not helpless. You have your own ship now. You can keep yourself and your human safe. But you need a new crew. Loyal ones, who are good at their jobs and don't mind humans. Which... isn't so easy to find.
Luckily, you and your human are at one of the largest trading posts this side of the Starry Abyss. If there's anywhere you can find someone who won't much mind working with a human, it's here.
You do not actually end up finding your first crew member, they find you. In fact, they run up to you, beaming.
"Pronouns?" they say, speaking to you in your native language. You are stunned.
"Er... she/her variance?" you say.
They nod and keep speaking, words tumbling out, accent like that of a native speaker. But unless the setup of the trading posts has very much changed since your last visit, they cannot be a native speaker. They are tall, with feathered wings and puffy gray-white hair. They wear flowing white robes and their beak makes a satisfying clicking noise as they speak.
"Oh my gosh thank you so much, I'm not sure why they sent you as opposed to one of my superiors... are you working for one of the ambassadors? You know what, it doesn't really matter. Anyway, thank you for reconsidering I swear I won't let you down--"
You puff your tail up and step in front of your human. "Pronouns?"
"They/them variant."
You nod. "Excuse me, but who are you and what do you want?"
The Equilian backed up. They looked genuinely remorseful, which made you feel a bit bad.
"Oh my gosh I am so sorry," they say. They chuckle nervously, teeth retracted into their beak. "I didn't-- I have been a mess today, Saints. I'll just tangle my way out of here then...?"
They start to walk away, but you let out a high-pitched squeak, a signal to wait. You aren't sure why. Your human squeaks at you, but it has the pitch wrong and you can't tell what it's trying to say. You pat its ankle reassuringly and then turn back to the Equilian.
"How do you know Pyricese so well?" you ask. Most people do not know more than their standard language, and maybe a second one they learned at school. It is the reason why most ships are only one species, why the United Galactic Council failed so badly, and why translators are one of the most coveted resources in the Abyss. Someone like you-- who speaks nearly every language a person might need-- well, everybody wants you. It's why you have to be careful.
"I spent five years as part of an aid program, for the alliance between our two planets." Their head bounces up and down, almost like a nod, and you notice your human copying the motion. "I'm essentially fluent!"
"Aid?" you say. There is a cold spiral of dread in your stomach. You feel sick. "What happened?"
"Oh. Oh Saints you don't know."
"What. Happened." Your human is babbling comforting nonsense in the background. Normally you would be happy to hear it speaking its native language, but you are too hopped up on adrenaline right now. When you get back to your ship, you are going to have a nice hot bath and a long lie down. This much adrenaline cannot be healthy.
"It was a sandstorm," the Equilian says. "A bad one. A lot of things were destroyed, pretty soon after the alliance was formed. So they sent over aid groups to help."
"You were one of them?" you clarify. You are starting to have an idea.
"Yeah." The Equilians wings slump. Their feathers are messy, they must not have preened in a while. "Was. My contract ran out and I wasn't a citizen so... I wasn't allowed to stay."
You realize that you are leaning forward, tail perked up. You look too invested in this, you don't even know this person. You're always emotional after a breakdown. "What I am hearing," you say, recovering magnificently if you do say so yourself, "is that you are in need of a job."
"Are you offering?" the Equilian says.
Your tail shakes upwards. "I am. What can you do?"
"I'm a builder, or have been for a while, but I've always liked to think that I'm a good pilot," the Equilian says.
You smile. "It just so happens that I have acquired a new ship. And I'm not a particuarly good pilot."
The Equilians wings flap in and out. "That's-- that's great! Are you ready to go, or do you have any other business? Is there somewhere I should meet you?"
Your human is making soft muttering noises. From what you can parse, although it is difficult to follow two languages at once, it is trying to figure out what you are saying. It does not seem to be having much luck, which makes sense, you've only taught it it/its variance and this whole conversation has been in she/her and they/them variance.
"Meet me at the docks, in the crow section," you say. "I'll show you where the ship is once I get there." You do not think your pilot would steal the ship, but it is standard procedure, and you do not want to risk getting stranded, especially not now that you have a human to protect.
The Equilian nods, and flutter-walks away. You grab your human by the hand, and head off into the crowd. You have more crew members to find.
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neptnszn · 8 days
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Gojo Satoru isn't cut out for stable and long lasting relationships.
Intimacy is an even bigger stranger to him, yet one where he actively keeps his head down low each time he passes it on the street.
He despises intimacy’s hugs. its overgrown nails would dig into his skin each time they made contact, yet as soon as intimacy pulls away, he's back to square one again. it's both frustrating and pitiful.
It explains so much and yet that alone isn't enough.
It's not enough to fill the hole of loneliness that someone left behind.
No, that's not right. it was always there. Satoru was always alone. ever the anomaly, he was deemed the strongest for as long as he can remember. born into wealth and power—unmatched power—naturally meant that relating to others would propose a challenge if even possible.
he just couldn't relate to anyone who wasn't on par with him..which was practically everybody. even his fellow upper and underclassmen.
apart from one.
Satoru is positive that suguru was the best thing that happened to him so far, while being the worst all the same.
he felt seen without the emotional complications. he didn't need to utter a word to suguru in order to feel understood. getting away and simply being a kid with your best friend is one of the things his soul longs for. with him, Satoru truly got a taste of intimacy.
the sorcerer often questions whether what they had was true love when he's on his own. the unspoken trust, the times where suguru actually accepted satoru's clingy behaviour instead of shoving him away; moments where suguru looked out for him. his pale brows would furrow in deep thought when he noticed how blurred the line between friendship and love was. Upon hearing two girls gossiping in a café, however, his perspective on the thought quickly broadened.
he's often heard of the notion that twin flames really do exist, but he's always never paid any mind to it. rather difficult when the fate of Japan is on your shoulders at times.
when compared to the fact that literal manifestations of negative emotions exist to kill and harm people—the idea doesn't seem too far fetched.
he googles the term one night for a better understanding, wincing when the bright light blinds his eyes in the darkness.
he lazily scrolls through the intro of a magazine, crystalline eyes skimming each word until—
‘..also referred to as mirror souls. it promotes the idea of a powerful spiritual connection between two individuals thought to be two halves of the same whole.’
his eyebrows twitch upwards. of course. suguru being his twin flame made so much sense—he was like the yin to his yang.
it was almost scary. the two of them were the hottest flames of the bunch, it was no wonder master tengen selected them to carry out a high stakes mission.
..but then Satoru wonders if his flame burned a bit too bright.
in hindsight, everything went wrong from the moment they split up in the school courtyard. that dark haired brute messed everything up. the assimilation failed and kuroi didn't make it. poor woman—she just wanted to experience her final moments with amanai before leaving her for good. gojo satoru himself got a lick of defeat and found that he hated the taste.
after his awakening, he was separated from suguru. not out of spite, he's sure, but because it was around that time that jujitsu society saw him as the strongest alone. learning reversed cursed technique on your deathbed and defeating whoever the hell that ex-Zen'in clan member was is quite the feat after all.
his first mission on his own after that felt..different, already missing his voice of reason over his shoulder.
Satoru kicks himself for not pressing further about suguru's constant absence in his third year. he saw that he wasn't doing well, skinner, darker eye bags—he had the signs right in front of him, covered by some weak excuse that had something to do with the summer or something.
but he didn't follow up.
he didn't notice that something was terribly wrong with his best friend.
he didn't notice that his flame was dwindling until the candle sanctuary around him felt abnormally cold.
Satoru doesn’t think he ever really recovered from the bomb that Yaga dropped on him after Suguru went MIA.
How are you supposed to react when your best friend goes missing for days and find out that he murdered a whole damn village?
denial.
There was just no way. not with his ‘survival of the weakest’ mentality that Satoru grew to hate.
but even he wouldn't go out and murder a hundred people in cold blood.
The confrontation made satoru feel even worse. every word that came out of geto's mouth made his pulse quicken as he tried to reason with his best friend—his amber eyes suddenly so unfamiliar.
the moment was akin to satoru so desperately striking the matchbox to relight his best friend's candle.
except the match would not light.
suguru had already made his mind up, and he was literally going to kill all non-socerers. his arms dropped to his sides as he remembers watching his figure disappear in the crowd.
Are you the strongest because you're gojo satoru? or are you gojo satoru because you're the strongest?
He turns over in his bed. Damn it, Suguru.
Hearing those words after everything really warped the perspective he had on himself. Who even was he outside of his strength? Gojo Satoru.
But who even is that?
even after a decade he can't seem to win any of the arguments he has with his own mind.
he closes his eyes with a heavy heart and let's himself sink into the mattress as he massages his achy jaw. He probably outdid himself with the smiling work today, he needed to make an extra effort so that nobody would ask him—to avoid any complications.
But he's Gojo Satoru, evading difficult situations is basically his forte.
especially when it comes to his emotions.
ah well, he shrugs to himself. what can you do when you're born and raised in a society where feelings aren't considered. The cold and bitter ways of the higher-ups never failed to leave the bitterest taste in his mouth with every fuck-ass decision they made.
Yet each time the urge to slaughter ever sorcerer in societal power in cold blood itched at his skin, he had to slap it off. it wouldn't change a damn thing and would start at ground zero when they would get replaced. Worse, the heirs would probably have keen eyes on satoru.
Or maybe not. he had more than enough potential to make it look like an accident.
So at the moment it was up to him to teach the new age about cursed energy, without the barriers of cowardice instilled by those currently in power. Then, he'd be able to change jujitsu society for good, maybe even have somebody as strong as him to guide the new generations of sorcerers to yet another peak of jujtusu.
Maybe do all of his fallen allies justice.
Do Suguru justice.
Until then, he would just have to keep on burning on his own, and hope to whatever power above (if there is one) that the wax of his candle doesn't go out before that happens.
Because Satoru is tired.
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elminx · 5 months
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Energy Update: 12/15/23
A consequence of our new moon in Sagittarius happening almost simultaneously with Mercury's retrograde (also partly in Sagittarius) is that people are showing their hands right now.
They don't intend to, surely, but the chips are on the table and they aren't winning. Everybody is a happy creature when they are winning, what really shows character is how someone reacts when they are stressed out, out of time, and in it.
We all make mistakes. There isn't a perfect human in this whole world. But beware the person who doubles down on their mistakes, who offers excuses rather than apologies, who gaslights you into believing you made it up or even, you CAUSED them to make that mistake.
Sagittarius, ruled by Jupiter, can really get on a high horse. Their ideas can be so big and overarching that they forget to look at the details or the little guy. Sometimes Sag decides to fight for the sake of fighting and ends up burning all of their bridges.
It is only your job to mend the fence right now if YOU are the one who damaged it.
The other side of our astrological equation right now is retrograde Mercury, currently in Capricorn, the sign that will always take on more of the responsibility than is their share. If you have people-pleasing tendencies right now, they are going to be on full display.
This is your cosmic reminder that the only adult's emotions and actions that you are responsible for are your own.
If they aren't mature enough to apologize and come clean, you have your answer. From there, you have some decisions to make.
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stinkyracoon · 2 years
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I headcanon Kokomi Teruhashi as aroace and neurodivergent and here’s why
Disclaimer: I am not saying that other opinions on her aren’t valid and deserve respect, this is just the one that makes the most sense to me.
1. Her color scheme
This is the least important argument in this, but still worth mentioning to me. Teruhashi‘s colorscheme consists largely of blue and yellow, blue for her hair and eyes, yellow for her glow. These are also the main colors of the aroace flag.
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Yes, the shades are different, but to be honest, I don’t care.
2. Her behavior around romance
When it comes to dating, Teruhashi has impossibly high standards. Though she she never actually lists any preferred traits, it’s clear by how whenever a guy asks her out or shows interest she mentions how she would never go out like a guy like that and that none of those guys even have a chance with her.
In season 1 episode 2 when Saiki is showing how he sees her she says, or rather thinks, “His annual income should be at least 40 million yen!” And the only time she considers going out with a guy (aside from Saiki) it’s because he’s loaded, of course I’m talking about Saiko Metori, however this clearly does not count as genuine romantic interest. This shows that she values money in a partner over anything else and because this is the only ‘qualification’ a guy needs to date her, you could say that the only reason she would go out with someone is for their money.
3. Her crush on Saiki and Rejection sensitive dysphoria
The only reason Teruhashi likes Saiki is because he doesn’t like her. He is the only man, the only person, and the only creature who doesn’t love her (aside from children). Obviously this would be an issue for her, her whole life people have loved her the moment they met. Everybody has always loved her, why doesn’t he?
Not just that, but she also lives for others. In season _ episode _ we see Teruhashi become so obsessed and so worried about being perfectly perfect she literally works herself to exhaustion, she straight up passes out in the middle of the hallway from the stress and exhaustion. We also know she often worries about disillusioning the entire world, if she isn’t perfect, the entire world will suffer. She holds herself to very high standards, which she has always been able to meet her entire life, and so, when Saiki ‘rejected’ her, her entire world shattered. It wasn’t possible to her that she wasn’t perfect, so she made excuses, that Saiki was too nervous to say anything, that he thought she was an illusion. Then, he disappeared. She just went through the most stressful experience in her life
4. Why she’s neurodivergent
The things mentioned in 3, as mentioned in the title of 3, point toward Teruhashi having what is called “rejection sensitive dysphoria”. For those who don’t know, healthline (a reliable source for such things) defines RSD as so:
“Rejection sensitive dysphoria occurs when you experience an intense or overwhelming emotional sensitivity to criticism or rejection. It can be a learned emotional response or you may be genetically predisposed to it.”
In the context of the aforementioned arguments, it can be said that in Teruhashi’s case it is a learned emotional response, however, one does not have to exclude the other.
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natromanxoff · 1 year
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Daily Mail - April 21, 1992
(x)
AIDS PLEA BY STAR AS FANS SING PRAISES
Mercury show with a warning
ELIZABETH TAYLOR took the stage at Wembley last night to remind 72,000 Freddie Mercury fans why they were there.
As well as raising an estimated £20million for AIDS charities, the tribute concert to the late Queen star was intended to increase awareness among young people about the perils of the killer disease and Miss Taylor made no excuses for her hard-hitting speech.
'In just two weeks there will be as many new infections of the AIDS virus as there are people here tonight,' she said. 'Please don't let it happen to you.
‘You are the future of our world. Protect yourselves. Whether you are straight, gay or bisexual use a condom every single time you have sex.'
At one point, she was interrupted by hecklers screaming 'Get Off' and 'Let's have some music'. Eyes blazing, she said: ‘I’ll get off in a minute. I have something to say.'
In a personal tribute to Mercury, who died of AIDS last year, she added: ‘The bright light of his talent still exhilarates even now that his life has been so cruelly extinguished. It needn't have happened, it shouldn't have happened, we must not let it happen again.'
In Britain, there have been 5,649 cases of AIDS since 1982, according to Government statistics with 3,334 deaths.
TRIBUTE TO A LOST STAR: 72,000 SAY IT WITH CHEERS AND TEARS
For one big night only Freddie was centre stage
By BAZ BAMIGBOYE and LESTER MIDDLEHURST
EVERYBODY who was anybody in pop music was there as the late Freddie Mercury made a guest appearance at his own tribute concert last night.
His face appeared on giant video screens high across Wembley stadium.
It was as if the lead singer of Queen were alive and well and strutting centre stage once again. 'You ready, brothers and sisters?’ he bellowed as a video showing past triumphs was screened. The 72,000-strong crowd screamed back: 'Yes!'
They waved Union Flags emblazoned with 'Freddie, we love you', 'Freddie come back' and 'Freddie forever'.
They were sentiments echoed 10,000-fold throughout the night. But the big message of the show was a warning — that AIDS, the disease which killed Mercury, could do the same for many, many more.
Weeping
Queen drummer Roger Taylor came on stage with fellow band members John Deacon and Brian May to launch what amounted to the most glittering send-off any showbusiness star has been given.
‘This show is for Freddie, for you and for me,' Taylor told the audience. 'It's also to show that AIDS affects us all. Tonight you can cry as much as you like.'
Many in the crowd took him literally. Stars too had difficulty choking back the tears, and earlier in the day George Michael broke down as he sang Somebody To Love with the London Community Gospel Choir.
Michael moved away from the microphone, unable to continue. 'I needed to cry and I wanted to get as much crying as possible done before the actual show,' he said.
Just as Mercury appeared on the video screen singing Yes, I'm The Great Pretender, Mary Austin, who was his lover for six years and remained his friend until death, took a seat in the royal box.
Earlier, she said: 'I feel very emotional about the whole thing, a mixture of sadness and happiness. It's an incredible tribute to an incredible guy, and I think he would have been knocked out by it.'
One by one the stars appeared on stage to pay their musical tributes. Backed by surviving Queen members May, Taylor and Deacon, they performed solo and collaboration versions of the group's hits.
Liza Minnelli, who led the stars in singing the finale number, We Are The Champions, and the National Anthem, paid her own tribute: 'Freddie was a true champion, and he would have liked us to sing and to celebrate all the good things he stood for.
'The tears we have shed are in happiness and to remember Freddie.'
Satellite messages were beamed in from Michael Jackson, Madonna, golf champion Nick Faldo, Jason Priestley of Beverly Hills 90210 and basketball star Magic Johnson, himself an AIDS victim. Stars were determined not to allow the event to slide into the maudlin. 'There is absolutely no way Freddie would have wanted everyone to be miserable,’ said David Bowie. ‘There's an important message to be put across, but it's also a day when Freddie's music should be celebrated and enjoyed.'
Certainly, fans who had queued all night were determined to do just that. They roared their approval through each moment of the biggest concert since Live Aid seven years ago. Led Zeppelin leader Robert Plant sang Innuendo, Seal fronted Who Wants To Live Forever, Roger Daltrey sang I Want It All, and there was a live satellite performance by U2, on tour in America.
Outside the stadium, touts were offering tickets for £250, up to five times face value.
Fans who couldn't afford them made a pilgrimage to Mercury's home in Kensington, where they laid flowers and messages at the garden gate.
IT WAS UNCANNY -- THE REAL STAR WAS NOT HERE
SPENCER BRIGHT AT LAST NIGHT'S CONCERT
LET'S pretend Freddie Mercury is still alive and was at Wembley last night at someone else's testimonial. Would he have admitted he had AIDS? Probably not.
He chose not to spread the message in his lifetime, but we must be thankful that he has the power to spread the message of the dangers of AIDS posthumously.
It's always difficult balancing mass entertainment and trying to educate people. We were treated to the extraordinary sight of David Bowie on bended knee reciting the Lord's Prayer.
We had a nervous George Michael giving us statistics. We had Liz Taylor, spectacularly glamorous, reading an autocued speech and giving a heckler short shrift.
But oh, how I enjoyed the simple dignity of Elton John, materialising, singing Bohemian Rhapsody and continuing with the music and nothing else. We needed that more than any amount of piety.
Uncannily, the real star was the man who was not here in body, Freddie himself. Even the most unconvinced onlooker could not have failed to feel his presence. The video inserts of Freddie performing had the crowd reacting as if he really was here.
There were a few presantation mistakes. U2's satellite link was a mess. During the link from South Africa, the crowd preferred to entartain themselves with a Mexican wave. Extreme tried to be Queen-like, but it didn't come off. The show was really about the second half, with the three remaining Queen members acting as a backing band for superstars.
The inclusion of Guns N' Roses, considering Axl Rose's anti-gay statements, was a curious one, but he was one of the finest performers of the night, both with Guns N' Roses and later dueting with Elton on Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bowie and Annie Lennox dueted on Under Pressure but it was hard to hear them. George Michael brought things back on course with his duet with Lisa Stansfield, These Are The Days Of Our Lives.
Liza Minnelli came on for the finale in a dangerously low-cut dress for We Are The Champions and proved she could have got by as a rock chick. By this point, it didn't matter what egos were flying around. The weather and Freddie's legacy had worked wonders.
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mackat24 · 4 days
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Analytical Application 6: Race and Representation
Cultural Hegemony
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Cultural hegemony is the domination of a society, ideologically and culturally. According to Hall, cultural hegemony “is never about pure victory or pure domination… it is always about shifting the balance of power in the relations of culture” [1]. Cultural hegemony concerns how dominant groups maintain their power. 
“I Wan’na be Like You” showcases cultural hegemony. King Louie is king of the apes; however, he wants to learn how to be human. King Louie is in a position of power, but searches for other ways to maintain this power. He is the person dominating society. Afterall, King Louie sings, “I’ve reached the top, I’ve had to stop, and that’s what’s bothering me.” He demonstrates cultural hegemony because he wants to expand and solidify this position of power. Furthermore, this scene/the characters themselves are ways to solidify white power. King Louie was designed with Louis Armstrong as the voice actor in mind (hence the name King Louie). However, Disney hired Louis Prima, an Italian American jazz musician, instead because they were worried that a black person voicing an ape would be a bad image. Because of this original plan, King Louie still maintains some stereotypes. Louis Prima put on a black accent to become King Louie, which could suggest that blackness was essential to this role. That’s not true, though. By keeping this accent, scatting, etc., it pushes the idea that black people can gain power over other black people, but they will always strive towards whiteness (being “human”) because you need to be white to have power. So, this scene demonstrates cultural hegemony through the story and through its role in society. 
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The Occident
The Occident is a person from the West, such as America, Britain, or France. It is a man-made concept, and in Orientalist ideology, the Occident is the norm. In media, oftentimes “Occidentals are superior to Orientals” [2]. This is a way that Orientalism excuses Occidentals forcing their political and culture onto Orients. 
In The Aristocats (1970), Duchess, Marie, Toulouse, and Berlioz are Occidentals. They are from Paris, a Western country, and are high class “aristocats”. On the other hand, Thomas O’Malley and the other cats that appear in the “Everybody Wants to be a Cat” sequence represent poorer, other races/ethnicities/nationalities. Thomas O’Malley could be American (based on his accent), and he could also be a mixed-race person. His full name is Abraham DeLacey Guiseppe Casey Thomas O’Malley. Earlier in the film, Duchess notes that it spans all of Europe. Abraham is Hebrew, DeLacey is Norman, Guiseppe is Italian, Casey and O’Malley are Irish, and Thomas is Aramaic. Thomas O’Malley could be all of these things. Furthermore, the cat that plays the piano very clearly uses Asian stereotypes. The others could be Russian, African American, a hippie (?), etc. They do not appear to be French at least; they are the “others” to Duchess. This is exemplified in Duchess’s segment on the harp. It contrasts the rest of the music, and everyone quiets to listen to her. It suggests that she, the Occident, has more power. She is the norm, and they are the “others”. Also, the harp is viewed as more refined and high class, like Duchess. Jazz is portrayed as more emotional and fun but less perfect in the sequence. The Occident is the only high class person, so the scene contributes to the idea that “Occidentals are superior to Orientals” [3]. Furthermore, when Duchess tells Scat Cat to “put a little soul into the tune”, Scat Cat does so and plays smooth jazz, which is viewed as more elegant. Only with the help of an Occidental was an “other” able to have attention and participate in something high class. The scene can be read in support of Eurocentrism, but ultimately the song has a positive message about individuality and shows people of different backgrounds getting along, so it’s overall a good scene. 
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The Orient
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The Orient is a person from the East, mainly Asia. Like the Occident, the Orient is a man-made concept. Orients are the “other” to the Occident. They are portrayed in the media as mysterious, exotic, dangerous, alluring, and incomprehensible, but lesser than Occidentals [4].
The Siamese Cats from Lady and The Tramp (1955) are examples of how Orients are portrayed in the media. Si and Am are Siamese Cats, one of the first recognized breeds of Asian cats. They have almond eyes and pointed teeth, paralleling the almond eyes and buck teeth that Asians are stereotypically portrayed with in the media. Furthermore, the song uses gongs, chimes, and drums which are typically associated with Asian music. They also have a thick accent, which is portrayed by Peggy Lee. It could technically be argued that they are not representative of Asians, that they are not Orients. It is pretty clear that they were inspired by post-WW2 anti-Japanese sentiments. However, in other versions of the song, it is undeniable that Si and Am are representations of Asians. They sing, “We are former residents of Siam.” In these other versions, they also sing, “There are no finer cat than we am,” portraying Orients as lesser than Occidentals. Their English is not perfect, making them less powerful than Occidentals in that sense. Even in the version of the song that made it in the movie, they have grammatical errors such as, “Where we finding baby there are milk nearby.” It’s notable how they are mischievous villains in the movie and the only cats, too. They are the “other” to the protagonists, dogs that are American. Furthermore, their uncanny synchronization further pushes the narrative that they are other. Very rarely do you find synchronized doubles in nature, pushing forth the idea that Asians are uncanny and different too. Furthermore, many times in the film they are hiding, emphasizing the “mysterious Orient” demonology. For instance, before they begin singing, they hide in a basket and you can only see their eyes (Marshall, 1989, 00:16). They are unviewable and appear to be villains. Only eyes in the dark tend to represent villains. For instance, in The Little Mermaid (1989) there’s a shot of Ursula’s eyes in the dark after instructing Flotsam and Jetsam, her henchman, to keep a close eye on Ariel, the protagonist, as she may be the key to King Triton's undoing (Marshall, 1989, 00:11:59). Combined with the Oriental caricatures, this may insinuate that Asians are evil. Overall, the Siamese Cats are Orients in Lady and the Tramp. 
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Popular Culture
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Popular culture is the culture (goods, media, entertainment) that the masses consume. Stuart Hall believes that popular culture is “an arena that is profoundly mythic. It is a theatre of popular desires, a theatre of popular fantasies. It is where we discover and play with the identifications of ourselves, where we are imagined, where we are represented” [5]. Popular culture is a place to explore identity and to have discussions. 
The song “What Makes a Red Man Red” along with its sequence in Peter Pan (1953) illustrate popular culture of the time. Peter Pan is a kids story that is/was widespread among the masses. The Disney movie was too. Both exist within popular culture. This makes “What Makes a Red Man Red” part of popular culture too. The scene also uses elements of popular culture during the time; it has stereotyped depictions of Native Americans. For one, they are called “injuns” and refer to themselves as “injuns”. Furthermore, this song answers three questions Micheal and the Lost Boys ask: what makes the red man red, when did he first say “ugh”, and why does he ask “how”. The responses are not based in reality or Native American culture; they are simply created by Disney for the segment. The responses are also a bit degrading. For instance, according to the song, Native Americans say “how” because they used to not know a lot of things, so they kept asking how. Considering it was 1953, these responses follow popular culture. For example, Tonto in the The Lone Ranger is a degrading representation of Native Americans. He speaks in a pidgin language and was literally created just so the main character had someone to talk to. Furthermore, some of the stereotypes portrayed still exist in more recent pop culture. Tiger Lily is portrayed pretty and desirable, whereas the older Native Americans are completely red and have unrealistic proportions. This trope of the pretty, young native woman can be seen in Pocahontas (1995), The Road to El Dorado (2000), “No Doubt” by Gwen Stefani, etc. So, Peter Pan incorporated elements of pop culture within the movie, and perhaps it contributed to what is popular culture today. 
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Stereotype
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A stereotype is a belief held about a certain group of people. Stereotypes use images which lead to “essentialism [that] generates in its wake a certain ahistoricism” [6]. In other words, when people see something in the media, they boil the concepts down what they deem is most important to a person’s identity. This leads to a static idea about others that does not consider history whatsoever. Stereotypes are overly simplistic misrepresentations. 
The crows from Dumbo demonstrate stereotypes of black people. One huge issue is that the main crow, Jim Crow, is named Jim Crow. Jim Crow (not Dumbo’s) is a caricature of a slave. It originated in minstrels, used blackface, and stereotyped speech and gestures. “Jim Crow” became an offensive term for African Americans. There were also “Jim Crow” laws that enforced segregation from 1877-1965. Overall, associating an animated character with this history in itself is terrible. Moreover, there are stereotypes portrayed in the film. For instance, the crows’ speech and the jazzy music are typical traits associated with African Americans. This creates the idea that black people are flat, 2D characters. They are only their speech and music. Also, Jim Crow’s voice actor is Cliff Edwards, a white man putting on a typical “black” accent. The other crows were portrayed by the Hall Johnson Choir, a group of black singers. However, this furthers the stereotype that white people are “better” than black people. Why was the main crow the only crow with a white voice actor? It suggests that white people are the only ones suitable as a main character; people of color are stuck in a supporting role. Overall, the crows are a harmful stereotype of African Americans. 
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Jim Crow
[1] Stuart Hall, “What is this ‘black’ in black popular culture?” in Critical Dialogues in Cultural Studies (London: Routledge, 1996,) 471.
[2] Edward W. Said, Orientalism (London: Routledge, 1978,) 23. 
[3] Edward W. Said, Orientalism, 23. 
[4] Edward W. Said, Orientalism (London: Routledge, 1978).
The Little Mermaid, directed by John Musker and Ron Clements (1989; Burbank: Disney+, 2023), VOD. 
[5] Stuart Hall, “What is this ‘black’ in black popular culture?,” 477.
[6] Ella Shohat and Robert Stam, “Stereotype, Realism, and the Struggle Over Representation” in Unthinking Eurocentrism Multiculturalism and the media (London: Routledge, 1994,) 199. 
@theuncannyprofessoro
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motownfiction · 2 years
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🌟💥🍩🌹📣🖍️💖 for steph, daniel, sam
for ✨steph✨
💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
grief. we know this. steph would rather recklessly punish herself for something that absolutely isn't her fault (e.g. sam's death, primarily) than accept the fact that there was nothing she could do (no action she could take) to change things.
🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?
not sure if this counts, but orange slurpees.
🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?
steph loves valentine's day. she can't help herself. it's an excuse to get dressed up and have an adventure, her two favorite things to do. she's been confessed to so many times -- by sam, early in high school, by both sheehan siblings, by her freshman roommate, by daniel ... everybody falls in love with steph.
📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?
steph is somewhat loud, though i wouldn't say she's one of those people who's screaming even when they don't mean to be (like so many michiganders i know, rip). she speaks off the cuff. whatever feels right in the moment is what she says. i suppose she sounds like this, since that's her face claim!
🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?
steph. steph. stephanie. stephanie dawn armstrong. stop denying yourself. the one shit billion times you've either made out with or slept with other women isn't just "because." you weren't doing it for male attention. you are not straight. you are bisexual. it's ok.
(incidentally, sadie has this exact conversation with steph around 2006, when steph realizes she has feelings for katie whom she already slept with when they were in college asmfsdfksdf stephanie)
🌟 GLOWING STAR - what do they think about when they look at the night sky? is there someone they want to star gaze with?
when steph looks at the night sky, she thinks about sam. she can't help herself. she really thinks sam lives amongst the stars after he's gone, and she might not be wrong. she wants to star gaze with katie, but there's a part of her that will always want to star gaze with sam. steph has two soul mates 🥺🖤
💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?
steph is a showy lover. remember when she ate an orange tootsie pop just to show daniel he was worthy of his own candy-flavored kiss, one he didn't have to share with sam? i'm obsessed with her.
for ✨daniel✨
💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
anger. daniel really does not want to be angry. he forgives people too easily just so that he can avoid anger (which, in term, makes him even angrier). so, he chooses not to be, often to his detriment. poor guy's gonna develop an ulcer if he's not careful.
🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?
you know, i can see daniel really loving donuts. he's probably really into the entemann's rich frosted donuts. i love him for this.
🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?
i'd say daniel is neutral to positive on valentine's day. he likes that he gets to spend it with sadie, though he doesn't need the excuse. he's romantic at heart, as we know. sadie confessed her love for him in high school, but no other girls really did. they hooked up with him, sure, but it wasn't love or really any serious crushes with any of them. he, too, had to confess his love for sadie (and played his could-be love for steph close to the vest before then).
📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?
daniel is quiet, quiet, quiet -- unless he finally lets himself get mad. then, he's somewhere between loud and shrill, which is honestly so funny. i'm not sure he has a voice claim yet because he never has a steady face claim. the way i have bounced around the same performer for both sam and daniel because of how well they'd work with our sadie ... hate myself!
🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?
please stop claiming charlie as your best friend. he sucks. i know will and sam were always best friends, and even in death, they always will be. but will is infinitely kinder to you than charlie is to anyone. go hang out with him. i promise it will be ok.
🌟 GLOWING STAR - what do they think about when they look at the night sky? is there someone they want to star gaze with?
i think daniel thinks about all the different versions of his life that could have existed and how, despite all the abuse from his father, this is the life he would have chosen for himself because it's the one that guarantees sadie and the kids. he wants to star gaze with his family!
💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?
despite being the casanova of st. catherine's, i think daniel is really more of a subtle lover. he's a shy boy, and you have to be watching for his cues very carefully.
for ✨sam✨
💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
fear. sam doesn't want anything to stop him. he wants to keep going and live to the fullest, and he doesn't want anything to stand in his way. but that's the thing. he's preoccupied with fear. he's afraid of roadblocks, so he thinks about them constantly. he is always afraid and always angry with himself for feeling that way. poor dude.
🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?
so, there's this episode of gilmore girls where lane, who's breaking away from a conservative christian upbringing, is about to have sex with her boyfriend. at the last minute, she says, "well, i have to be married," which surprises both of them. later, when she talks to rory about it, she asks something like, "why does this have to be the one thing i keep?" and it's agonizing.
this is my way of saying that sam doyle is a chocolate cake guy.
🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?
oh, you know sam loves valentine's day! it's an excuse for him to make the best mix tapes in the world, and he kind of fucking loves the color pink. he's confessed to steph, who has also confessed to him. they are so star-crossed.
📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?
sam is pretty fucking loud. he wants so badly to be noticed (it's not because his mother preferred his siblings to him -- why would you say that?). he speaks with incredibly high energy and excitement. as with daniel, i tend to bounce around his face claims, but weirdly enough, my voice claim for him is always the same. this is not who would play sam physically, but this is who i hear every time i write for him. idk!
🖍️ CRAYON - what advice would you give to them?
it's ok to commit to steph. she is a lovely person, and she won't hold you back. you won't hold her back, either. you inspire each other. she'll be a good way to spend your time. emphasis on your time.
🌟 GLOWING STAR - what do they think about when they look at the night sky? is there someone they want to star gaze with?
sam thinks about how everyone in the world has a story, and maybe he'll learn some of them. maybe he won't. but it's weird that everyone is walking around with their own set of loves and losses and victories and problems. sometimes, he feels like he's the only one. if he could choose somebody to star gaze with, it would be either steph or his wonderful, beautiful, perfect goddaughter, ms. elenore o'connor.
💖 SPARKLING HEART - are they a subtle or a showy lover?
i think sam is an odd middle ground between these two things. he wants to be showy with mix tapes and kisses and chocolates, but when it comes down to it, he performs these gestures quite bashfully. he is soooo adorable, and i love him sooooo much!
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ghostonly · 2 years
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One of my favorite scenes in the entirety of Our Flag Means Death is when Ed is in the dining room with the fancy assholes because, let me back up
ADHD/autism pairings are literally my lifeblood and whether it was intended in writing or not, these two are a very very good example of that. Stede is written very much autistic and Ed is a perfect and shining example of ADHD and I love it
And the thing about this episode is it's a terrible but accurate trope where one character is completely overshadowed by the other, and the way Ed suddenly lit up and became the life of the party, he made Stede feel invisible and pathetic because Stede has been trying so desperately his entire life to follow all of the rules that his allistic peers have laid out for him, and then Ed shows up to a fancy event for the first time in his life and everybody loves him, and Ed gets fucking drunk on the social approval.
It's such an accurate portrayal of when people like you and you have ADHD that it hurts. The dopamine from social acceptance made him completely blind to Stede's feelings the entire night, but that's not why it's painfully accurate. That's not why I love this scene.
I love this scene because, just like is the reality for so many people with ADHD, the social approval only lasts as long as Ed is being funny and making a show for people. And the second he sits down and tries to actually do something in earnest, to use all this fancy silverware and eat this fancy food, the show is over, but they're still laughing, and he realizes that his value to them is as entertainment only. And he looks to his side and suddenly the dopamine high is gone and Stede is not there.
His anchor is gone.
And he completely unravels.
He was never better at fitting in than Stede. He was just better at laughing with them and playing along like the things that they found funny were meant to be. But the thing about ADHD is that, in that moment, the high of the social approval is so strong that it convinces you, too, that you're really doing something spectacular.
And when he suddenly realizes that he's out of his depth - when the high has worn off - he realizes that he's the joke. And the RSD hits him.
You can see it in his face - the devastation and the panic. And he loses his composure and he yells.
And I was fully prepared for him to make good on his threats and kill every last one of them. Because that's what most TV writers would have done.
This is my favorite scene because I finally saw a writer accurately portray someone having an RSD breakdown without using humiliation as an excuse for sensationalism.
He didn't kill them, he fled. Because he wasn't murderous or enraged,
his heart was fucking broken.
The look on his face when he finds Stede. This man is on the verge of fucking tears and only then does he finally pull out his gun and start fiddling around with it, because it's the only way he can distract himself from the onslaught of emotions he's trying to swallow
And then Stede goes and does his thing, because nobody hurts his boyfriend like that
So anyway I'm not crying or anything
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bludhavents · 3 years
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things that each greaser struggles with:
these are mostly headcanons i came up with. also, this gets pretty angsty.
content warning: alcoholism, addiction, anxiety.
darry:
- maturity. he thinks everybody looks at him like the “dad” of the group instead of just another friend, and he loathes it. he misses whenever he was able to skip work to catch a movie at the drive-in or take ponyboy and sodapop up to the dingo for lunch.
- accidental intimidation. his build is very large and strong, which is good for his job and for when he’s actually trying to, well, intimidate people, but other than that it just makes him feel guilty for being so unapproachable.
- relationships. specifically, darry is very insecure in his relationship with pony. he especially hates it whenever pony dogs on him for forgetting things or accusing him of not caring.
- emotional intelligence. he knows he comes across as cold. and he hates it. he has lots of emotions and he doesn’t air them out in a healthy way, so he tries his best to cut all the emotions off altogether in hopes that the negativity will stop, but it just makes him feel even more insecure.
- social skills. in high school, it was all much easier for him, but now that he’s working full-time and running the household, he’s fallen majorly behind in the social scene. he never goes out to the drive-in or to the dingo, and at first it was because he was too busy, but now, even if he doesn’t have a shift, he’ll make up some excuse because he’s too nervous to go and have to talk to people again since he feels like he’s gonna mess up.
- identity. darry was just starting to feel comfortable in himself and in his role in the world right before his parents died, and when they did, he stopped trying to figure out what made him happy. it has made him insecure of the emotional stint that is centered around his ego and sense of self.
sodapop:
- smarts. it’s canon that he’s insecure about this.
- growing up. while everybody else moves on to new things and grows up, he feels like he’s stuck in the same place watching everybody else progress while he stays behind. this was especially true after sandy left, because marrying her was going to be this huge exciting step in his life and when she left, he didn’t have that fulfillment anymore.
- reassurance. he feels a constant need for approval, and he will take it wherever he can get it. there’s a sort of pride he gets whenever he sees a girl checking him out, but there’s a deeper feeling telling him that she’s gonna run away once she finds out about how ‘stupid’ he is.
- authority. soda has a really hard time talking to people who are in a position of power. he gets all nervous and his hands get sweaty and his face goes sheet white in panic. his charm and social skill is enough to satisfy a conversation with a person his age, but he feels silly trying to be confident in front of an adult. he feels like they look down on him and will laugh.
- fatherhood. he’s very insecure about having a family in the future. he feels like he never appreciated his dad’s skilled parenting while he could, and since then darry has been a sort of fatherly figure in the house, but it’s hard for soda to see it that way. he grew up for 16 years with darry as a big brother and for him to suddenly be forced into a father role is troubling for soda. because of this complicated dynamic between soda and fatherhood, he feels like he won’t be able to be the best father possible for his children.
- legs. he hates his legs. you will never see soda in a pair of shorts, not even when he’s swimming. he doesn’t like the way they’re shaped and thinks that they make the rest of his body look odd, so he wears loose jeans to hide them. he’s also embarrassed of being embarrassed about them, so nobody knows, not even steve.
dallas:
- emotional intelligence. his lack of emotional intelligence is something he battles with a lot. he understands what people are feeling, but he has a hard time understanding why they feel that way. he says it’s because he’s too tuff to deal with emotions, but deep down he knows it’s because he was thrust into a traumatic childhood so early on that he never had time to build emotional bonds with people that would strengthen his empathy and understanding.
- his past, another canon take. he hates talking about it, even the good stuff, because when he thinks about new york all he can picture is 10 year old dallas watching a man being covered in a white sheet by the paramedics on the side of the road. he thinks about his friends from there and knows they’re all either locked up or dead, and it ruins any enjoyment he gets from reminiscing on the good times.
- health. he definitely has crohn’s or IBS or something else that makes his stomach hurt whenever he eats, and it embarrasses him to no end. he’s always anxious that his stomach is going to start hurting when he’s with the gang and is going to have to find some excuse to leave. he smokes so much while he’s out with them to keep from getting hungry until he gets back to buck’s place.
- his friendships. the shepherd gang is close-knit. then, the curtis’ are brothers, steve has known them forever, and two-bit is outgoing enough to make himself fit in to the group. johnny is the closest person dallas relates to, and it’s the friendship hes the most secure in.
- his smile. he knows smoking ruins his teeth, and he knows they’re crooked all over, and he knows that when he smiles his lips crack and stretch out.
johnny:
- his appearance, canon insecurity. he looks young for his age, and when the gang found him in the lot after he was beaten by Socs, they all started treating him like he was young too. he didn’t think the scar on his face was tuff, it just reminded him of being attacked.
- his voice. this is less about how it sounds and more about him not being able to speak over the shouting at home. he hates yelling, and he won’t stand in to speak up for him cause he’s too afraid of being told to “stop yelling”.
- being average. johnny feels painfully average in everything he does. he’s tried to find a skill that he truly loves and wants to take time to be good at, but he always gets frustrated and quits before he can improve.
- romance. almost every aspect of it terrifies johnny. he doesn’t know what a healthy marriage looks like, what he does know was from Mr and Mrs Curtis, but seeing them die together warped his sense of love. he doesn’t understand why you would want to love somebody so much if you didn’t have to. he doesn’t like the “til death do us part” aspect of marriage, because it makes him feel trapped. he’s not afraid of commitment, he’s afraid that he will end up in a marriage like his parents’ and not be able to leave.
two-bit:
- alcoholism. he’s an alcoholic and he knows it, but he’s been stuck in the vicious cycle of addiction for such a long time that the only way he knows how to cope with the emotional baggage of addiction is to drink more.
- social awareness. as of now, he’s very self-aware and extremely skilled in reading a room, but he didn’t used to be. he used to crack jokes at the wrong time and get scolded for it, and it made him feel horrible. like he wasn’t able to experience all the same sad feelings as everybody else because they reacted differently to the sadness than he did. they wanted to process the sadness while he wanted to ignore it.
- being absent at home. he knows he spends the majority of time at the curtis house, and he also knows that his mother spends the majority of her time at work, which leaves his little sister at home alone. he has a good relationship with her, but he doesn’t like for her to see him drunk, and as his alcoholism progresses, that gets to be more and more often. he knows this, and it’s one of the main reasons he’s so insecure about his addiction, because she’s the one who let him know that it wasn’t a one-way street. his problem affected him and her.
- commitment. two-bit is young, but he feels old enough to know how relationships work. he saw his dad walk out on them, and he was never able to process how you could go from marrying someone to leaving and never looking back. at first, he thought that his dad was just a selfish jerk, but when he met johnny and saw that his parents were also married and simultaneously abusive, he convinced himself that all marriages were bound to end up that way. he believes that if the curtis’ lived longer, they would have eventually gotten bitter and tired of each other, because in his mind, that’s just what couples do.
ponyboy:
- confidence. he has a lot of insecurities, and they’re shared pretty evenly between physical and non physical. he doesn’t like his body or his eyes. he doesn’t like how impulsive and dramatic he is.
- security. not in himself, but in life. he’s permanently on edge, feeling anxious about who’s going to be around the corner and what would happen if he got jumped and how many Socs he’d be able to fight off in case anything happened. his parents’ sudden deaths did not help this. he feels like life is constantly tossing him around, and he never feels completely safe.
- emotional outbursts. this isn’t exclusive to ponyboy, but he struggles with it the most. he hates getting upset with people, and he hates hurting other people’s feelings. when he’s feeling too many things, he starts to speak without a filter and gets mad at the littlest things, and he knows that it makes everybody around him feel bad.
- fitting in. in contrast to johnny’s insecurity, ponyboy wants nothing more than to fit in. he’s tired of being the only greaser in his classes, he’s tired of his isolated taste in movies and theatre, he’s tired of being a track star, and he’s tired of all the pressure put on him since he isn’t average.
steve
- masculinity. his dad always enforces an unrealistic standard of being strong, independent, and logical. steve is inherently all of these things, but the pressure he feels to keep it up weighs him down.
- comparing himself to others. it started in middle school when he noticed all of the people liked sodapop more. from then on he couldn’t help but feel like soda was more attractive and charming, darry was stronger and smarter, two-bit was funnier and cooler, dallas was tougher and unbothered, johnny was more likeable and down-to-earth, and ponyboy was more creative and well spoken.
- addiction. there was a time in steve’s life where he was getting high every day. at first it was fun, but then he had to quit track because he wasn’t as athletic as he used to be. it ruined his health and motivation. he started working on cars more to keep himself busy, and it helped a lot, even got him a job.
- hyperindependence. steve’s biggest character flaw is that he can’t ask for help. whether it’s asking for help in school or asking for soda to hand him a tool in the garage, steve can’t bring himself to do ask. it makes him feel like he’s not good enough to do it on his own.
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donaweasley · 3 years
Text
Their Little Secret
Pairing: Loki x Fem!Reader
Plot: This can be read as a sequel to What If or even as a solo.
The reader and Loki have been best friends for long, but eventually realised that it was more than just friendship. As they secretly step into a new world, the entire team, unbeknownst to it all, makes it their mission to make the love birds realise and confess what they feel for each other.
Warnings: Fluff, slight angst in relationship, a happy ending! Oh! And late-night hazards and a long read. Sorry!
Read time: ~26 mins
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“(Y/N), could you please take a look at this once?”
Loki waltzed in through (Y/N)’s door with a file in his hand. She was reading a book, when he knocked.
“It’s pretty late. I thought you said you’d go straight to bed. What are you doing with this poor old piece of rat-food now?”
“I did. But then I couldn’t sleep. So...I thought of doing something boring enough to lull me to sleep. But this old file actually turned out to be quite interesting,” he explained animatedly. “I just couldn’t understand one part. So, here I am!”
She eyed him suspiciously as he spread his arms to accentuate his royal presence.
“That, or you wanted to see me, and this file is a flimsy excuse,” she drawled.
“Come on, darling! I’m fond of you but not to the extent that I’ll have to make lame excuses to see you. Besides, why would I need to lie to you?”
After taking a moment to consider his words, she stepped beside him and asked him to show the file.
“It is here - this part,” he pointed at a chunk of printed information.
“This one is…” She pondered aloud. “That doesn’t make sense! Loki, w-where did you get this from? That doesn’t look like any mission report or anything. It looks like...an excerpt...from...a book?”
Before she could register, a kiss landed on her cheek. It was immediately followed by Loki excitedly wishing her, “Goodnight, darling,” and vanishing into a green glow.
She stood stunned for a while. Gradually, the tingling sensation where Loki’s lips had caressed her skin began to spread like wildfire through her face, and soon she was blushing and smiling like an idiot.
“Idiot!” She cursed him as she flopped back on the bed.
After a few seconds of fiddling with the bookmark, and staring at blurred lines on the page, she closed the book, and decided to call it a night. After what Loki just did, nothing else could compare to a happier ending to the day.
As she closed her eyes, sunny memories started flooding her mind.
It had all started hardly two months ago, when they were having their usual midnight snacks, casually talking the day’s stress away, talking nonsense - just the usual best buddy night.
But then something happened: a childish game of “what-ifs”.
It was fun, for the most part, until Loki had asked her about her intentions if she met the love of her life the next day. Already stained with painful memories of past relationships and with the hopelessness about her love life, she tried her best to evade the question. But Loki, being Loki, kept proding her until she gave him a genuine reason for her frustration.
And everything changed after that. Because in trying to save the other from falling down the emotional cliff, they had saved each other. They had found each other.
She laughed softly as she remembered the hesitancy in both their hearts as they had crossed the threshold of friendship.
That was the first time that she had kissed him. On the cheek. And that was even before she had fully realised that her feelings for him were no longer platonic.
That was the first time Loki had put an arm around her and pulled her close to him.
Another giggle escaped her as she remembered the moment when the soft morning light, and a stiff back had awakened her from her sleep.
Both were still sitting in almost the same position as they had been when they were chatting.
She had found herself cocooned in the arms of Loki, her legs tangled with his, both of them safe under the thin blanket that Loki had picked while preparing for their night. Her head rested on his chest, while his rested on the top of her head.
The last thing that she remembered from the previous night was them promising each other that no matter how things turned out, they’d always be beside one another. And then Loki had pulled her closer, and gently laid her head on his throbbing chest.
It was now peacefully moving up and down with his sleepy breaths. Before opening her eyes to reality, she stole a few moments to let this feeling sink in.
When she had closed her eyes the night before, there was an excitement so high in the air that Thor’s thunder would have been ashamed. It was the hammering of Loki’s heart that had eventually put her to sleep.
The morning brought a peaceful rhythm beneath her ears. It was beautiful, it was calm, it was...reassuring. She loved it more than the thrill of the past few hours.
But no matter how long she tried to soak herself in the feeling, the incidents of the night before still seemed somewhat unbelievable. How could something months long change overnight? Was it all a mirage then, cast by the treacherous night?
The darkness of the night sets the mind free to imagine anything, take any decision. But the clarity of the day brings logic to the forefront, which sometimes turns out to be good but sometimes not so good.
But...it had felt right. She took a deep breath to clear her mind. It still felt right. That was all the assurance that she needed for the moment.
As she turned in her bed, she remembered the raspy voice in which Loki had wished her a good morning.
The close proximity, the husky, sleep-laden voice, the sudden change in the air - everything made blood rush to her cheeks and ears. Loki had sleepily chuckled at her flushed state, though he was only slightly better than her in hiding his own flustered state.
Ever since, not a single day had passed when the two of them hadn’t thanked the stars.
She used to think that she loved Loki’s friendship more than anything. She was happy to be proven wrong when she experienced Loki’s courtship.
A different flower everyday, sometimes inside her room, laid carefully near her door, sometimes on her bedside table, and on some mornings, beside her pillow.
She was used to going out with her best friend Loki, but going out with her boyfriend Loki was an experience on a whole new level. Light brushes of the fingers, sometimes an arm around her shoulder, intertwining of fingers, occasional brushes of his lips on her temple, and not-very-occasional blushes that tinted both their skins.
Every day, before parting for the day, she was blessed with bear hugs from him - something that she had never expected him to be fond of.
It was the best time of her life! Almost every doubt that she had about this relationship not working out had evaporated long ago. It was - she dared to say - perfect!
Except for one small hiccup: they had to keep everything off the radar.
For one, they were still testing the waters. No matter how happy and confident they were with one another, their newfound relationship was still at its infancy, and they didn’t want to declare anything to the rest of the team right away.
Second, everybody in the compound had been teasing both (Y/N) and Loki about “getting a room” for a long time. They didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that they were finally correct. Well, figuratively.
Unfortunately, the team did not know that they had already confessed their feelings to each other. And so, they were desperate to make the love birds see the truth of their emotions. The Avengers, tough and stubborn as they were, never gave up. And Loki and (Y/N) simply decided to play along.
For instance, around a month and a half ago, Tony had thrown one of his usual parties at the compound, and had brought a line of apparent suitors for (Y/N) and a host of gorgeous ladies and lads to introduce to Loki.
Though the new couple was initially confused at the unbridled attention, they eventually understood what was going on: Tony Stark had decided to use the age-old recipe of jealousy to crack either one or both of them.
It was fun, they both admitted later, to dance to the tune, and give the host a frowning face when he realised that neither were biting the bait. Instead, both seemed to be enjoying themselves flirting or dancing with their respective “baits”.
What escaped the eagle eyes of the team were the furtive looks that both (Y/N) and Loki threw at each other from time to time. It wasn’t easy to masquerade those longing glances with playful teases that two friends might share. But they had to.
Late into the night, after the party was over, Loki teleported into (Y/N)’s room. The security cameras were still a threat to their little secret.
“Hello beautiful!” Loki purred when she didn’t turn all her attention towards him as she usually did, but kept herself apparently busy in making the bed.
“Is this my consolation prize for all your flirting this evening?” She tried to keep it casual but her displeasure seeped into her tone.
“Ooh, someone sounds jealous,” he drawled.
“Speak for yourself, God!”
Loki stepped towards her, and gently caught her hand, putting a pause to her actions.
“Look at me. Please?”
She smiled as she faced him, but he could easily catch the facade.
“I know what you're trying to do. You can’t fool me, (Y/N).”
“And what is it that I’m doing?” She tried to question with the same casualness but her voice kept betraying her.
“You are trying to make it look like it didn’t affect you - me being with all those lovely people. But in reality, you are hurt, even if it is a tiny bit.”
Her smile faltered. Of course, she couldn’t fool the God of Lies!
Closing her eyes, she shook her head, “I don’t know why you’re saying this Loki. I’m perfectly fine! Why would I-”
“You and I understand each other perfectly,” Loki gently cut her off. “Or did you forget that?”
He reminded her of the one line - of the one realisation - that had triggered the tiniest thoughts of them being possibly together, if at all.
Realizing that all doors were closed for her, she tried to turn away from him, only to be stopped by the trickster.
“If it makes you feel any good,” he resumed, “it did burn me a bit, too, to watch you dance and laugh with those clowns.”
At this, she burst into laughter. Loki was glad at the change of mood, and allowed a few happy creases around his eyes as well.
“Is that true,” she asked, “or are you simply trying to make me feel better?”
He shrugged, “What do you think?”
“I’d like to believe that it’s true,” she confessed shyly.
“It is.”
“Well then,” she said after suppressing a wild grin that tried to crack its way through, “I guess that makes us even.”
“Guess so.”
“I’m sorry, Loki,” she sighed, “I lied earlier because I didn’t want to put any kind of pressure on you or anything. I mean...jealousy? That’s the first stage of obsession. And...I don’t want you to think that...”
“Hey,” Loki held both her hands in his, “your feelings for me will never suffocate me. On the contrary, they help me breathe. You have given my life a new purpose. I thought I was happy being your best friend. But this...this is even better. Never think that you’re putting any kind of pressure on me. None of those men or women out there, or anywhere for that matter, can bring me what I feel with you, for you.”
Words seemed insufficient for what she wanted to say. So, she simply nodded, and wrapped her arms around his torso.
“Thank you,” she murmured into his chest.
He chuckled as he ran his hand on her head, “Being jealous actually makes you look cute.”
She unwrapped herself from him just enough to look at his face, “Says the man who just confessed being jealous himself!”
“I never said I don’t look cute,” he shrugged again.
Shaking her head and laughing, she pulled his face down, and placed a warm kiss on his cheek.
“Go now, before I punch that cute face of yours.”
“When you say ‘punch’,” Loki drawled, “do you mean…’kiss every inch of’...?”
Blushing furiously, she pushed him towards the door.
“Shut up, and just go!”
Loki laughed as he wished her a lovely night, and disappeared into his usual green glow.
---------------
But the Avengers were not the ones to give up.
Not many weeks later, Natasha planned an evening at one of her favourite nightclubs. While Steve, Vision and Bucky backed out of the plan, given their previous not-so-delightful interactions with the loudness and the crowd, Thor and Tony were adamant on dragging Loki with them.
“We thought you liked a little fun! Since when did you start wearing grandpa’s knickers?” Tony snorted.
“C’mon, brother, don’t embarrass me,” Thor’s voice boomed in Loki’s room. “(Y/N) has embarrassed me enough. She didn’t want to go either. Said she’d rather sleep than be tormented by the blasted noise.”
She said what? That means she’s going to stay back-
“Wait, what?” Tony turned towards Thor with a perplexed look, “She said that?”
He turned around to face Loki again, “Are you two planning something or have you both become boring?”
No, no, no! They’ll add up…
“I am not boring!” Loki declared. He decided to stay quiet on the other option that Stark had mentioned.
“Well, then join us,” Tony shrugged.
With a dramatic roll of his eyes, Loki agreed.
Needless to say, his eyes went wide when he saw (Y/N) dressed up and ready for the outing when he was expecting her in her pajamas. When she silently questioned him, he immediately realised that he had been tricked.
I have to be more careful.
The team’s plan soon became obvious when, after a few rounds of shots, everyone made a beeline to the dance floor, leaving behind a string of excuses, and Loki and (Y/N) at the bar. Even through the crowd, the duo’s trained eyes could catch glimpses of their teammates shadowing them.
“Do they really think getting drunk will make us confess?” She shouted over the sound of the music.
“I’m a God,” he shouted back. “Midgardian liquor doesn’t affect me anyway.”
“Well, it affects me,” she shrugged and drained another shot down her throat, “and I love it!”
Last one.
She had started feeling dizzy. Getting wasted could be saved for another moment when she wasn’t being spied on.
A few minutes passed in silence as neither was fond of shouting to communicate. (Y/N) bobbed her head to the music while Loki eyed the mass of bodies swaying and moving with the beats.
“Would you-” Loki began but stopped midway.
While her eyes questioned him, he silently slipped from the stool, and came to stand almost behind her.
His hot breath, dipped in a faint whiff of alcohol, hit the shell of her ear as he purred, “Would you like to dance with me?”
She was rendered immobile for a while. A small corner of her mind wondered if Loki knew what he was doing to her.
I bet he knows what he’s doing.
“I’d have loved to!” She drawled. “It’s a shame there isn’t room for a waltz here, and I wouldn’t want a God like you to hop like teeangers in the crowd.”
She felt his chest brush against her back.
“I was actually hoping that you’d be up for that dance,” he pointed at a section of the crowd where bodies were gliding against each other in the most provocative ways.
Her breath hitched again. She didn’t need to turn her head to know that Loki was smirking at his achievement.
But this time, she wouldn’t squeal, she wouldn’t push him away with a timid smile. Diffidence and boldness both tugged at polar ends of her heart until boldness won the war.
Not this time. Two can play the game, darling.
“So, what’s stopping you?” Her lips almost brushed his earlobe as she tilted her head to whisper in his ear.
Where did that come from?!
Loki wasn’t prepared for this.
It was usually him who threw mildly suggestive comments which she pushed away with a shy gesture. He never expected the tables to turn so quickly.
She did not even have enough shots to get drunk yet, he noticed.
“What happened, did the cat get your silver tongue?” She smirked.
“I-I...uh...”
While Loki continued to gape at her, an inkling of panic nudged her chest.
Did I take it too far? He obviously wasn’t ready for this, but…
It all must have been another prank for him, and I…
No!
With a cackle, she sliced the apparent tension in the air. “So, finally got you, ha? Mischief!” She winked.
Turning towards the bartender, she ordered another shot.
Loki’s brain was still trying to decipher her behaviour.
Did she really mean it…? It didn’t look like a joke though…
As she focused on her drink, he thought he saw a flicker of disappointment cross her face, but the incessant dance of light and shadows made her features almost unreadable.
“You should get back to your seat, y’know?” She told him with downcast eyes.
“What?”
“The team might notice and...they might know.”
Did her voice just...tremble?
Loki hated the place: the noise, the dim lights, the secrecy - he hated the way everything seemed to veil her from him.
“I think I’ll go find them.”
Downing another drink, she hopped off her seat, and disappeared in the crowd, leaving Loki to his thoughts.
Once they were back in the compound, Loki went straight to (Y/N)’s room. This time he did not sneak into her room using magic; he knocked on her door. This wasn’t the moment to play a game of cat and mouse. If the entire compound was prying on him, he would gladly allow them to. Well, maybe not gladly.
“Hey! Hi, Loki!”
Her smile was as bright as ever.
Was it all in my mind then?
“Are you alright?” He tried to sound calm but his anxiety turned out to be more stubborn than him.
“Yes, I am. What- Come inside first.”
She stepped aside, allowing him to stride into her room, and flump down on the bed.
“I’m sorry,” he began honestly, “I thought...I thought you were upset. At the club… I thought I saw you...sad? I’m not sure. I just had this feeling that you’re probably not okay, and-”
“Loki,” she held his shoulders and gently hushed him, “I’m fine.”
Her assurance enabled him to breathe normally again.
Caressing his face, she placed a light kiss on his forehead.
“Thank you, Loki! For everything. For caring so much about me.”
“(Y/N),” he held her hand, “are you hiding something? From me?”
He didn’t miss the way she gulped before replying.
“Why would you say that?”
“Look, I’m sorry if I cross the lines sometimes. I know I tease you but those are… I’m sorry if I’ve ever made you uncomfortable or have hurt you.”
“You are an idiot! Do you know that? You’ve never hurt me or made me uncomfortable. Now, get these stupid thoughts out of your little brain, and give me that devilishly charming smile of yours.”
Despite all her compliments, his eyes did not light up as they usually did.
“Are you sure?” He asked her.
“Absolutely!”
“You’ll tell me if you’re upset, won’t you? Promise me.”
He took note of how she licked her lips before nodding.
Something is not right.
“Come here,” he pulled her in his arms, and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “And I’m not an idiot. I am smart.”
---------------
The next few weeks turned out to be more and more challenging as the team was now hell-bent on getting them exposed. What made them so sure of their relationship was still a mystery to the couple.
“Are we that obvious?” (Y/N) asked Loki one day.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged. “It is said that it shows on the faces of those in love. So, I guess...”
The words, coming from him, filled her with warmth. If that be true, and if everyone could see that they were in love only by looking at them, then she’d happily trade their secrecy for more obviousness.
But every time they came close to taking the relationship to the next level, she would find Loki backing away. Every time they had the opportunity to reveal their beautiful secret to the team, he would quickly shield both of them.
Why, Loki? Do you not want us?
---------------
It was a rainy evening when Tony had gathered everyone in the living room. At first (Y/N) thought that it was an urgent meeting for a new mission. But when she knew the actual reason behind it, she couldn’t prevent the snort that escaped her.
“Excuse me?” Tony pointed at her. “You got some problem, princess?”
“Truth or dare? Like, how old are we? Twelve?”
Tony spread his arms as if to silently make a point. “Since when did you start categorizing fun into ages? Ever since you started dating Rock of Ages?”
“Hey!” Loki made a tiny protest at his nickname.
“We are not dating,” (Y/N) deadpanned.
“And there goes my question,” Wanda sighed from across the room.
In response, (Y/N) simply rolled her eyes, and grumbled, “Kids!”
Once the game started, the team wasted no time in getting to the point: (Y/N) and Loki.
The first one to get attacked was Loki.
“No, no truth for you,” Sam chimed in just as Loki sucked in a breath to choose “truth”.
“He’s the God of Lies!” Sam announced, “He can easily slip away with any lie!”
“The bird’s got a point!” Tony agreed, followed by everyone else. “‘Dare’ for you!”
“This is not how it works,” Loki protested.
“Did you play this on Asgard? Thor?”
“No, we had never even heard of it until we came here,” the big brother responded.
“But-”
“Nah-ah!” Tony didn’t let him finish. “This is exactly how it is played. Who wants to give the God of Mischief a mischievous dare?”
(Y/N) wanted to protest; she wanted to tell Tony that he was bending the rules to get to them. But any word of support would further corner them both. All she could do was play along.
“Kiss (Y/N). And you know where I mean.”
Nat’s voice yanked her out of her thoughts. She watched in horror as Loki’s expressions changed from shock to anger while the entire team cheered.
“Nat!” (Y/N) jumped up from her seat, “do you even hear yourself? He’s my best friend! We can’t just...”
“Why not?” Sam questioned with a smirk. “You seemed to be enjoying it when I was asked to kiss Buck. He’s my best buddy.”
“Speak for yourself,” Bucky mumbled.
“C’mon, it’s just a game! Don’t be a spoilsport.”
Steve?? Et tu?
Rubbing her eyes, (Y/N) tried to find a way out of it. She knew well that if Loki kissed her, she’d melt into it. Everything would become obvious.
No, no, no!! This can’t be. They can’t just expose us like this. Loki would be so....
Wait, why isn’t he saying anything?
She opened her eyes to see Loki standing. His expression was unfathomable.
Oh no! Is he going to…
“This is outrageous!” Loki snapped and turned on his heels to walk out of the room.
Oh!
For reasons she did not want to explore then, (Y/N)’s heart dropped several feet. She was expecting a similar reaction from him but wasn’t hoping for it.
Quickly gravitating back to the situation in hand, she stammered an excuse or two for his behaviour, and followed his tracks to check on him.
Once both of them were out of earshot, Tony leaned towards the group, “Did we save it or kill it.”
“Looks like we killed it,” Sam sighed.
“Trust me,” Wanda smiled, “we saved it.”
“Vision? What do you think?”
“I still do not understand why you have to torment them like this. Let them come out when they want to. It’s-”
“Okay!” Tony interrupted him. “Sorry I asked! My bad!”
The door to Loki’s room was half open when (Y/N) arrived. Gingerly, she admitted herself inside.
Loki was standing at the window, with his back towards her. His head was bowed but his hands were curled into fists on both sides of his body.
“Loki?”
The name came out so softly that she couldn’t be sure if he had heard it, given that he did not move at all.
But before she could call him again, he spoke.
“I did not want this to happen,” his voice bore that particular kind of seriousness that usually preceded an unwanted or unhappy revelation.
What?
“I am sorry, (Y/N).” He turned towards her, and she realised in an instant that he wasn’t fooling around.
“What are you talking about, Loki? What did you not want to happen?”
Her chest felt tighter with every passing second.
Please, not what I’m fearing.
“This,” his hand vaguely gestured towards the hallway. “Whatever happened just now. I knew they would come down to this one day. I never wanted-”
“It’s okay,” she interjected. “I did not like that either. Although they meant no harm. It was just for fun… And I understand if you're having second thoughts. This entire thing between us was just something… y’know, a spur of the moment kind of thing. I totally understand if-"
"(Y/N)! Where is this coming from? What are you even talking about?"
She couldn’t make herself look at him, for if she did, he could clearly see the moisture pooling in her eyes. She needed to appear strong.
“Loki, you’ve always been my best friend. And I’ve loved that. You know it. And it’s okay if this new turn in our relationship does not turn out to be something that you had hoped for. It happens. It’s okay-”
“It’s not okay for me,” Loki grasped her hands. “What are you saying? Why? A-are you not happy with me? Have I done something wrong? Did I offend you in any way?”
What is he saying? I thought…
As she looked up at him, a couple of drops ran down her cheeks and on her shirt.
“(Y/N), please tell me. You had promised to tell me anything and everything that upsets you. So, tell me what happened. Why do you speak of our relationship as if it was a mistake?”
“It never was a mistake for me,” she breathed, “I thought you felt...I thought you...”
“What?”
The shaky way in which the question came out of him stung her more than any thought of Loki not wanting this relationship. It was then that she realised how badly she had hurt him.
He never wanted to leave! He always wanted me? Us?
She didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” she finally managed. “I thought that you...didn’t want...this. Us. I-”
“Why would you even think so? Why would you bear such thoughts when I love you with every fiber of my being?”
Her head snapped up.
“You love me?” Her own voice became shaky.
“Of course, I do,” he gently placed a hand on her cheek, “always have. At first I thought it was a love for friends until that night, when I realised that I wanted to be more than just friends with you.”
More tears fell down her cheek as she rejoiced in the moment. Loki wiped them all, and placed soft kisses on each cheek.
“And all this time, I was afraid that you’re having second thoughts,” she confessed.
“And why is that?”
“Because...”
How do I say that it’s because you haven’t kissed me yet? And ran away from the one moment we had today, albeit in a not-so-comfortable situation?
“Because I haven’t kissed you yet?” Loki asked her.
Her heart beat so violently, she could have sworn that Loki could hear it. Her tongue felt too heavy to speak.
“I didn’t think you were ready,” he admitted. “That is the reason why I did not dance with you in the club either. I was teasing you, yes, but when you responded I was definitely taken aback. I wasn’t sure if it was you or the ambience talking. So…
You have always shied away from any comments that I make, and...I did not want to push anything on you.”
“Oh, Loki!”
She hugged him so hard that even the Asgardian had to take two steps back to balance himself.
“I’m so, so sorry,” she wept into his shirt. “I misunderstood your actions for… I pushed you away. I thought you weren’t ready for this relationship. I’m sorry!”
Tears of both apology and relief flooded her. He tried to sush her as he rocked her slowly from side to side.
After taking a moment to compose herself, she stood straight. Loki looked at her red-eyed, tear-stained face and tutted.
“Doesn’t suit you, darling. Show me your crazy, grinning face.”
With a chuckle, she gave him a funny face-splitting smile, making both of them laugh.
“(Y/N), I didn’t want to kiss you because of a game or under the watchful eyes of that insufferable bunch of imbeciles. But if you will allow me now, I-”
“Just stop being so polite for a change, and kiss me,” she tugged at the collars of his shirt.
Loki didn’t need to be asked twice.
---------------
In the hall, the Avengers were busy speculating the outcome of their little plan, when the couple in discussion walked in. Hand in hand.
“Yes, we had changed our relationship status around six months ago,” (Y/N) announced to a stunned audience.
“And yes, we kissed. Just now. And I hope you know where I mean,” Loki added before dragging his love away towards the elevator.
“What was that?” She whispered as she was being whisked away.
“What?” Loki asked innocently, although his eyes stated otherwise.
“You didn’t need to declare that we just kissed!” She laughed as the doors of the elevator closed.
He shrugged while jabbing at a button. “They wanted us to kiss anyway. So, I gave them the satisfaction of knowledge. Besides, they need to know who you belong to now.”
“Aha! Possessive?”
“No! I also made it clear who I belong to now.”
He smiled as the doors opened to the hallway that led to his room. And once again, his words had rendered her speechless.
Silver tongue!
***
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You can read the backstory here.
And here's a song to sing along and keep the mood floating...
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psychewritesbs · 3 years
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Chapter 160: How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated? + Megumi the stage-five clinger
Happy JJK-Sunday!
If I had to describe chapter 160 with as few words as possible, I would say: Oh f*ck...
My favorite moment was, of course, Megumi acting like a stage-five clinger. His interaction with Yuji in this chapter is especially ominous in light of Yuji being adamant of protecting Megumi from Sukuna.
A second favorite was Sasaki showing up in this chapter because of the implications moving forward.
Let’s jump right in. 
How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated by Kenjaku?
We start the chapter with Kenjaku talking to none other than Sasaki, one of the members of the Occult Club at the high school in Sendai that Yuji used to attend.
Of course, the bomb that Gege dropped on us in this chapter is when Kenjaku thanks Sasaki “for getting along with my son”. 
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Like... excuse you?
Not only does this 100% confirm that Kenjaku used Yuji’s mother’s body to give birth to him, but this specific moment + some foreshadowing from previous chapters also opens an interesting can of worms about Yuji’s life: just how much of Yuji’s life has Kenjaku orchestrated?
For me, the implication is that Sasaki had an assigned role to play in Yuji’s life that would inevitably lead to him eating Sukuna’s finger. 
I am assuming this because although we don’t see Kenjaku’s interactions with the other people in Sendai, we get to see that, in addition for thanking her for getting along with Yuji, Kenjaku is incredibly kind to Sasaki. We also learn that she’s the only one who has received a special message from him (thanking her).
Ready to make this whole interaction more ominous? Someone pointed out that the kanji in Sasaki’s name means assistant. 
All of this brings us right back to Yuji’s free will--or lack thereof?
We already know that Kenjaku claims he made Yuji “ingest” Sukuna’s finger and that Megumi is rightfully concerned with this idea because he witnessed Yuji eat Sukuna’s finger “of his own free will.”
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It’s also becoming increasingly obvious that Yuji was "created” solely for the purpose of becoming Sukuna’s vessel. 
What this new reveal about Sasaki does is that it makes everything feel like certain events have been part of Kenjaku’s master plan all along. While this still feels a little farfetched, it will come down to how Gege works this idea into the story moving forward.
Come to think of it, even Yuji’s grandfather’s dying words to Yuji take on a new meaning since we know Wasuke knew something was definitively up with Yuji’s mother.
Another possible bit of foreshadowing all the way in chapter 1: While the intersection in the second panel below could be ANY intersection in Japan, it sure looks like the Shibuya crossing:
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A quick note on the importance of kanji meanings in JJK before moving onto the next section: knowing the meaning of Sasaki’s name tells us that names are important in JJK. If you haven’t, I recommend you read my break down on the meaning of Megumi’s FULL NAME. His first name is important, but so is his last name.
The plans moving forward
Going off to Tokyo Colony #2 are Panda and Hakari. 
As the strongest, Hakari feels like he should take on Hajime. As for Panda, it looks like his focus will be on hunting down Angel.
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Side note: I love that Hakari is still calling Megumi names. Guess Senpai can’t help himself.
I must admit I was disappointed to find that Kirara will stay behind to report, but it is what it is. I am assuming Gege could see no use for Kirara and decided to leave the character out of the action for the time being. 
As for Megumi and Yuji, they’ll be heading to Tokyo Colony #1 to target Higuruma, everybody’s new favorite Law & Order boss. 
This brings us to Megumi’s current state of mind...
Megumi the stage-five clinger
I had a hard time coming up with the title for this section because what I see happening is that Megumi is starting to feel the pressure of the looming deadline for Tsumiki joining the Culling Game. What his behavior shows, however, is that he needs Yuji with him and is clinging onto him but won’t come out and say it--opting instead for aggression towards Yuji, the very same person he needs most. 
His behavior reminded me of how Megumi could be mean to Tsumiki even though he clearly adores her. Apparently that’s the meaning of being tsundere. I’ve read about the term tsundere before but it never “clicked” until this moment and I just love Gege’s interpretation of the trope through Megumi’s character. 
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It goes without saying that it was REALLY interesting to me to see Megumi’s dynamic and interaction with Yuji in this chapter because it looks like Gege is letting us know Megumi’s state of mind continues to be one of desperation--remember that dogeza bow from chapter 157?
The thing about Megumi is that he looks stoic on the outside, but he’s actually an incredibly emotional person who doesn’t often show how he’s feeling. 
I hadn’t caught on, but in chatting with @justafrenchlondoner​ about the chapter, they pointed out Megumi’s behavior in his dynamic with Yuji appears nervous and aggressive.
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Upon a second look I have to agree that Megumi is acting out of character and aggressive with Yuji when all that Yuji really wants is to protect Megumi from Sukuna.
And yes, let me go ahead and sound like a broken record as I remind you of Yuji’s rather ominous words from chapter 143 yet again:
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And this is the part of the chapter that knocked the air out of me: Megumi telling Yuji to stfu about Sukuna but Yuji thinking to himself “as long as I’m around you will suffer” back in ch143 is so damn ominous.
Oh f*ck...
But this is what REALLY gets me about this whole interaction and why I’m calling Megumi a stage-five clinger...
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Even though Megumi is calling Yuji selfish, in reality, the one being selfish is Megumi.
This is, of course, my own interpretation of the situation, but to me it feels as though Megumi is clinging onto Yuji’s strength for dear life. 
It’s almost like Megumi needs not just Yuji’s physical strength, but also his unwavering conviction or mental strength.
If you think about it, Megumi has only recently started fighting to win. Remember how unsure he was of himself when fighting Sukuna for the first time? It wasn’t until he went up against the Cursed Spirit from the Yasohachi bridge that he let go of his inhibitions.
Megumi’s battles during Shibuya were the pinnacle of his growth as a character in that moment. If I remember correctly, according to the timeline of events, the Shibuya incident happened around two weeks prior to the current chapter. You could say that although he is more comfortable in his strength than before, Megumi is still growing into his strength at this point.
The thing about Megumi is that everybody and their Divine Dog believes in him and sees his potential except for him. As Gojo tells him “you undervalue yourself.”
Looking back, the way Megumi asks begs Yuji for help in chapter 143 is very enlightening of how Megumi needs Yuji’s strength: 
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I initially had read this to mean Megumi needed Yuji’s physical strength. Upon second look, however, Megumi has always seemed to have admiration for Yuji’s conviction.
With the looming deadline for Tsumiki’s vow to join the Culling Game, as Megumi starts to feel the pressure to make his plan work, who better to keep around than the person who will always go for the home run and whose strength he admires?
In other words, like hell he’s going to let Yuji leave his side. Which, again, only makes it more heartbreaking to think Sukuna is up to no good regarding Megumi and Yuji wants to protect him from that.
Oh f*ck.......
The panel below feels like a bit of a lighthearted and comical moment, but it’s also interesting to note that this is the second time they “fight”.
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The first “fight” having taken place during the Cursed Womb Arc.
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If you will remember, Gege used the Cursed Womb Arc and the Origin of Obedience Arc to show us how much our favorite trio had grown. 
Not sure Gege is going to parallel something here again, but just interesting to note.
Oh f*ck...
Ya, please excuse the French.
Despite the many words I’ve shared here, this chapter left me mostly speechless. 
I feel like I’ve been trapped in Gojo’s limitless domain expansion and all I can think is “oh f*ck” or “halloween” (if you catch my drift).
Chapter 160 was incredible because it looks like Gege has finally finished putting all his pieces into place and is ready to go for the kill by: 
Starting to unravel the story bit by bit, giving us all of the twists we both saw and did not see coming, and
Ramping up the stakes. Taking into consideration the estimates that JJK is somewhere around 60-70% done at this point, It’s not a matter of whether some of our beloved characters will die, but about who, when and how they will die
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One last detail
I love the last four panels of the chapter showing Panda, Hakari, Yuji and Megumi all wearing their uniforms (barring Panda) and getting ready to become official participants of the Culling Game by entering their respective barriers.
Knowing that Gege is a very talented artist capable of showing and expressing emotions through his art, I feel like these panels tell us a lot about what the characters might be thinking and I thought I’d expand on that. 
Bear in mind this is my personal interpretation as an artist:
Panda looks excited and ready to fight, perhaps even confident. Panda is saying “bring it!” with his body language
There’s a hint of something I can’t describe in Hakari’s face. It’s almost like he’s coming face to face against how big of a challenge this is going to be and yet he’s resolved to walk straight into “the depths of hell itself”
Yuji looks focused, determined to go in and give it his best no matter what comes his way--that’s just who he is
And then there’s Megumi. I’ve been drawing Megumi recently, and one thing I noticed is that he has very specific micro-expressions. In his panel, he’s warming up his wrists as though he’s getting ready to fight, he has a focused look on his face, but the shadows around his eyes say he might be feeling like he is carrying the heavy burden of the uncertainty surrounding the situation he’s going through
With all that being said... the Culling Game is officially starting and we’re in for a one-way ride straight to hell.
Thank you for reading and happy JJK-Sunday!
What about you? What did you enjoy most about chapter 160?
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fawnandshadows · 2 years
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25 Days of Elriel — Day 3
Solstice (Baby Please Come Home)
Warnings: Language
Word Count: 1.4k
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Azriel sat in front of the fireplace, slouched in one of the leather wing-appropriate chairs in the House of Wind, and watched as the flames tumbled and turned; Every once in a while the orange would look like the burnished gold in Elains eyes, and that was the highlight of the Solstice so far —the brief imitation of what he longed for. One hand was bent on the arm of the chair and propped to keep his head up, and the glass of whiskey he was nursing clasped between the fingertips of his other hand. It was his Solstice present to himself, he had grabbed it right out of Rhysands secret stash. The one that Cassian didn’t know about. Azriel figured it was only fair; Rhys was keeping him away from Elain, and his family, so Azriel stole the oldest, most expensive whiskey the High Lord had.
It tasted like shit.
That was the only reason Azriel hadn’t drunk the entire bottle yet, it tasted like complete and utter shit. Briefly he entertained the idea that Rhysand had the forethought to somehow sabotage the bottle, or just swap it out with sewer water, but it was impossible. Azriel had done it one a whim. It was either grab the whiskey, or grab Elain and kiss her until her brilliant smile melted onto his lips and their souls fused together. So, Azriel tucked his wants away, yet again, and placed them close to his heart.
After a year of Azriel giving her the cold-shoulder, at the behest of his High Lord, Elain had still gone out of her way to get him a gift. An incredibly thoughtful, perfect gift like she had the two solstices before.
She stood in front of him — cheeks flushed from the fire or her drink or some other reason that was too painful to think of — and held up a shiny, leather holster for Truth-teller. Her fingers worked over the buckles as she said, “You can adjust the size like this, so it can fit perfectly on your thigh,” Azriel’s brain shutdown completely. Thigh — Elain had mentioned his thigh. Her tongue poked through in a flash of pink on the “th” sound which held all of his attention. It was such a common word, one he tossed around all the time during training, yet he never realize how stupidly seductive it was. She had looked at his thigh long enough to notice his holster was hanging on by a few threads. He hadn’t cared enough to get a new one himself. “Emerie said that this was the best one at the shop.”
She presented the holster to him with open hands, the leather placed delicately on her palms, and he knew that she saw how his fingers trembled as he reached for it. Elain, of course, was kind enough not to mention it.
“Thank you,” Azriel rasped out, and swallowed loudly, the ball of emotion in his throat growing to the point of pain. His fingers trailed over the sturdy leather, and he noticed his initial monogrammed into the fabric and a small rose next to it. “I needed this.” I need you were the words Azriel didn’t say. The words he tied against his heart with the last of his self-control.
His eyes couldn’t look away from the quiet joy that radiated from her smile and lit up the entire room. Her happiness was suffocating. To be so close to her, and not be able to touch her or be with her in any meaningful way. He couldn’t even have the conversation he wanted to have with her. He wanted to tell her that she was the best gift-giver, that she had the unique ability to see everybody’s needs and fulfill them, that he treasured everything she had ever given him, but he didn’t. He let the words die and settle in his chest. 
Before the tether of self-control completely snapped, Azriel made some bullshit excuse that Elain was too smart to believe. He ran from her. He, Azriel: Shadowsinger and Spymaster, ran from Elain Archeron, Kingslayer, gardener, and owner of his heart.
He fled from her. He fled like a coward in battle.
The only stop he made was to go to the cabinet locked in the basement of the River House before winnowing back to the House Of Wind — he and the twins were the only ones who could winnow in, so he could disappear before anyone even knew he was there. He sat for hours, alternating between lounging in the chair and occasionally taking a sip of swill and setting his glass down to look at the holster Elain had given him.
It was beautiful. Dark leather with fine stitching, and his eyes kept going to the monogram that glowed in the light of the fire. His name and rose. She had given him a gift with herself on it, so clearly next to his first initial. His heart clawed at his insides just looking at it.
Azriel moved to swap his glass for the holster when shadows started swarming in the corner of the room, and soon a flash of pink and gold tumbled elegantly out of them. He watched as Elain smoothed out the nonexistent wrinkles in her dress and looked around the darkened room before her brown eyes settled on him.
“Was it Nuala or Cerridwen?” Azriel asked as the shadow behind her disappeared.
“Cerridwen,” Elain stated and stepped closer to him. Her arms crossed over her chest. “I have to ask. How could this,” She motioned to the whiskey in his hand. “Be better than spending a night with your family?”
“It’s not better,” Azriel said, leaning forward so that his elbows were perched on his knees. “It’s just less painful.”
Her soft steps echoed through the room, and from the corner of his eye Azriel saw her kneeling next to him. Her silky pink dress gathered under her legs. Her warm, rich chocolate eyes looking up at him. Her cheeks flushed and kissable. His breathing shattered and sputtered as she laid her hands on his exposed forearm.
“It’s the Solstice. Azriel, please come home,” Her fingers dug into his skin and Azriel thought he was going to combust. Her swallow and shaky breath rattled his thoughts. “I would like it if you came home. I know I made it awkward last year, and I’m sorry I ruined our friendship, but I miss you. You shouldn’t be alone tonight. You should be with me, with your family.”
The clank of glass on wood filled the air as the sweaty glass fell from his hand.
“Elain,” Azriel said, his voice and expression pained. “You didn’t ruin anything,” His hand moved on it’s own accord to cup her cheek — his chilled fingers settled upon the warm, plump flesh of her cheek. “I’m the one that ruins everything. It’s all my fault, I never should have allowed myself to have feelings for you, what kind of idiot do I have to be—”
He was cut off by the words shortest, sweetest kiss.
Her lips pressed against his, and then they were gone. It was nothing more than a peck, but it irrevocably changed him forever. His soul was different — lighter.
Azriel sat there, blinking at her face, as he tried to process the fact that he had somehow missed his first kiss with Elain.
“You’re not an idiot,” Elain said gently, her voice soft and affectionate. “And you don’t ruin anything. In fact, I find my life much better whenever you’re around — The world always seems better, brighter, like there’s more sunshine.”
Maybe he shouldn’t have drunk the incredibly old and aged whiskey, Azriel thought, apparently it had some hallucinogenic effects.
He just stared at her, unable to comprehend her words.
“If you don’t want to be around everyone else, then I understand,” Elain said, and she shifted her legs to a more comfortable position. His hand never dropped from her cheek, even though the angle became uncomfortable and awkward, he wasn’t able to break contact. “But you’re not going to spend the Solstice alone. I’m going to be right here the entire time.”
Her eye-lids drifted shut and she leaned her head back to rest against his thigh. His fingers curled under her jaw bone, gently tracing her delicate skin and feeling the energetic pulse pounding wildly beneath her skin, and his thumb softly ran back and forth across her cheek.
“Did you like your gift?” Elain asked dreamily.
Azriel wondered if she was talking about the holster, the kiss, or their time together.
“It was the best gift I’ve ever gotten.”
--
tagging: @thefangirlofhp @tswaney17 @impossiblescissorspeachpaper @jujugirlfrombookstore @courtofjurdan​ @offtorivendell​
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linkspooky · 3 years
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Kamo and Megumi is the same... 
I’ve always read the Kyoto vs Tokyo arc as a breakdown of communication.The Kyoto kids want understanding, but  due to everyone being teenagers the Kyoto Kids cannot explain and the Tokyo Kids cannot understand. One of the stand out moments is when Kamo insists they are the same, and Megumi just says no. 
They are both dark haired, quiet, introverts. They were both born outsiders. Toji and Kamo’s mother the prostitute. People that the clan looked down on. However, the clan will take in their children because they were born with a strong cursed technique. They’re both strategists, who act like they’re logical, but tend to be swayed by emotions instead. They’re both trying to protect someone, Megumi his sister, and Kamo his mother and both only became jujutsu sorcerers to protect these people. 
But yeah, they’re totally not the same at all... More under the cut. 
So, why does Megumi reject Kamo so utterly? 
Well, on the surface level it’s simply because Kamo is wrong.
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To explain complicated morality a bit. 
Killing one child, even if it’s to protect the peace of everybody else is ethically wrong. 
However, the position Kamo is trying to explain to Megumi is utilitarian. He’s saying, the best way to handle this situation is to do what’s best for everybody, kill one person out of a hundred to save ninety nine. 
He then also adds that, because they’re both heirs to political families they are pressured to think that way. Kamo is thinking in a utilitarian sense, because, he’s saying that as a family with major political power they have to make their decisions on the scope of society as a whole. 
So adding onto that,  Kamo is acting like there is a higher order of reasoning. He says they are expected to think in strictly numerical terms like this, they have to be utilitarian, they have to make their decisions without personal bias, because that’s what is expected of them as the future heads of clan. Kamo is also trying to elaborate, he’s not really allowed, to let personal feelings get in the way of his judgement, because from such a young age he’s always been forced to act responsible in every situation. 
So basically.  Kamo is saying. I’m not allowed to do what I think is right because I’m the son of the Kamo clan, I have to do what the clan thinks is right and fall into line with their utilitarian thinking. 
Megumi’s response to this is, I don’t care about that, I decide things based on what I think is right.
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So on one level Megumi is right. Kamo is not actually doing what he thinks is right, he’s doing what the clan thinks is right and claiming he has no choice. Megumi is saying “I don’t care about your cicrumstances or what’s pressuring you, I still believe it’s wrong for you to try to kill my friend.” 
He also, is right in calling that most people are just following their own conscience and just trying to do what they think is right. Kamo’s repressed motivation this entire time is, he’s not really thinking of the whole clan, he’s just trying to do right by his mother. Megumi, is trying to save Tsumiki and Yuji, Kamo is trying to save his mother, however they go about it in different ways, Megumi by saving people selfishly, and Kamo by pretending to be the dutiful and loyal son. 
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Megumi’s callout works. Both Megumi and Kamo are just doing what they feel is right in this situation. Kamo is the one pretending like he has a higher reasoning. He’s using the clan’s control over him as a way to excuse himself for what he knows is wrong. 
However, on another level Megumi is wrong.
Megumi is saying, you are doing a bad thing. Therefore, you are a bad person and I don’t have to listen to you. 
When it’s really that Kamo is in a bad family situation. It’s true Kamo’s choices are his own, and he can still make bad decisions and held to responsible for them, however, it’s impossible not to look at Kamo’s family situation, because one it influences his decisions so much (the constant flashbacks to his mother, he’s trying to do what will protect his mom), and two because it resembles Megumi’s own family situation so much (Megumi is also, someone who became a Jujutsu Sorcerer to save his sister). 
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“We have no choice but to curse each other.” 
In other words. 
“I don’t care to hear what your reasons are, I’m just going to fight you.” 
It’s never a good thing when you’re quoting Geto. 
This is a bad end. This is where the talks break down. The thing is, both Megumi and Kamo are wrong because they are both kids. Yes, Kamo shouldn’t have ever agreed to the order to kill Yuji but at the same time, Kamo never should have been put in that situation. It’s the adults that are making these kids fight, it’s the adults that create the situations where these kids fight. 
Megumi is using a simplified morality here. Megumi unconsciously divies people into good or bad people and judges them based upon that. We’ve seen them do this countless times, he sees the bad people as not worth saving, and then puts the good ones on a pedestal where they can do no wrong. 
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His sister is a “good person” therefore she’s always a good person. Yuji is a “good person” therefore no matter what he does he’s always a good person and worth saving. The problem with this sort of black and white morality is that it doesn’t apply to a life that is a very, messy, gray. The thing is, the way Megumi sees the world the only people who ever do bad things are bad people. 
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Well, this guy must have been bad because he hit someone while driving without a liscense.
Megumi says while not knowing the circumstances at all.  Maybe he was driving to work without a license because his mom needed the money and he was still in high school and couldn’t get one? Maybe, he actually felt sorry about it. 
The thing is, the guy was arrested, and was already actively serving penance for his crime. And yet, Megumi is like, “Nah he’s not worth saving. I was planning on letting him die.” 
That’s like, an awful thing to think, because crimminals are no longer human and therefore no longer worth saving. That’s how simplified Megumi’s view on morality is, it’s downright childish, once you’ve done a bad thing you’re labeled as bad for life. People can’t improve, or repent or feel sorry for what they’ve done. 
The thing is people do bad things all the time without meaning too, or for understandable reasons, or because they’re people. Megumi’s primary fear is what if the person I save, turns out to be a bad person?
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However, that doesn’t come from a place of hating crimminals per se. 
It comes from Megumi’s tenderness, his kindness, his fear of hurting people. Childish is the best way to describe it. Megumi’s primary character trait is that he was abandoned by both parents, he doesn’t really know how to survive in the world but he has to pretend that he does because no one else is there to take care of him. Add onto that the idea that he was sort of forced into becoming a jujutsu sorcerer first by his dad selling him, then by Gojo only intervening on the premise that he come to work for him instead. Second, on the fact that he was completely powerless to stop whatever was happening to Tsumiki. 
It makes perfect sense that Megumi has a really childish morality, he is a child, and it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to punish bad people so much as he’s afraid of other people getting hurt by his actions, and he’s afraid that he might be at fault, that he might be the reason that people like Toji, and Tsumiki left his life. Megumi is so careful with choosing his actions, because he’s so afraid that he’s the reason everyone else around him left him, and if he screws up he’ll lose other people again, or he’ll hurt people. It comes from Megumi genuinely being a soft guy towards almost everyone he meets, just like Yuji. 
The problem is, Kamo is the same.
Kamo is also someone coping really badly with circumstances just like Megumi is. However, when it comes to judge Kamo Megumi just ignores those circumstances. 
The difference between Kamo and Megumi is that one of them is good, or one of them is bad, they’re not better than the other, their fight even got interrupted and ended in a tie. They are both children.
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The difference is their circumstances. Basically at this time, Kamo had already been placed as the next head of the Kamo clan, whereas Megumi was still being protected by Gojo. Megumi doesn’t stop to think about how their circumstances might be different, because he doesn’t think of circumstances at all he’s still hung up on good people vs. bad people. 
The reason that Kamo decided to turn against Yuji is that he was being pressured too, he thought he had to choose between doing the thing he thought would help his mother, or saving a random stranger. He made a bad choice, but people make bad choices in bad circumstances. 
The problem with Megumi’s reasoning is that he assumes because he’s deciding things based on his own conscience, that he’ll just somehow be stronger in those circumstances. Megumi assumes that he would still make the right choice, even if put into Kamo’s cricumstances. However, how would Megumi react if he was forced to choose between Yuji and Tsumiki. If he had to decide which one to save? 
Now, Megumi is being pushed into similiar circumstances that Kamo once faced. 
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Tsumiki, who Megumi always held up as his gold standard of a good person might do something bad. Geto says he’s going to release all the new cursed energy users he created and make them fight, Tsumiki might hurt someone. 
Yuji, who also was what Megumi decided was a good person also has hurt a lot of people now. 
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Yuji and Tsumiki are both victims of circumstance the same way Kamo was once. Yuji never wanted to do anything bad, his only intention the whole way was to save people. Yuji ended up hurting a lot of people in Tokyo. It wasn’t even his fault, but the undeniable reality is it’s still something that happened. 
This is why dividing people into good or bad doesn’t work, good people can still hurt other people, good people make mistakes, good people are capable of doing wrong. 
You could say that Yuji should have always known about the possibility that Sukuna would rampage, but it didn’t occur to him, that one he’d ever be in a situation where Gojo wouldn’t be around to stop him, and two he didn’t think he’d be fed ten or so fingers at once. It’s true Yuji wasn’t acting responsibly as Sukuna’s host, but Yuji is, just a kid. He’s like seventeen. There’s no way he can be held responsible in every single situation. 
If you wanted to be pedantic you could even go back and say that Kamo’s decision was the right one. That Megumi should have killed Yuji all along, because the threat was always there that Yuji might let Sukuna rampage and kill hundreds of people.
However, even that is missing the point. The point being that, Kamo, Yuji and Megumi are all just kids. It’s unreasonable to expect any of them to be well adjusted in these circumstances. By expecting these kids to act like rational adults in situations that most adults couldn’t handle, then blaming the kids for their reactions, all you’re ensuring really is that the kids pay for the adults mistakes. 
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Now, Megumi is being put into the exact same position as Kamo. He’s a child, being forced to now act like the heir to the Zen’in clan because Gojo is no longer around to protect him. He’s going to become a piece to be manipulated by the adults around him. 
Megumi probably won’t do very well in this situation, because he’s just a kid. If anything that’s the strength of Jujutsu Kaisen as a manga. Characters don’t ever like heroically overcome circumstances with sheer willpower alone. Yuji isn’t acting heroic like now, he’s horrified by what Sukuna used his body to do, he doesn’t feel like he can go back home right now because his friends wouldn’t accept him anymore, and he would just hurt them. It’s almost etter to see Yuji falter with circumstances instead of heroically overcome them, because now Yuji feels like a real kid. He feels what any kid would feel in that situation, he struggles with it. 
Kamo and Megumi are the same, because they’re just kids. I wish Megumi would see that too, because he might learn to be more forgiving towards himself. It’s not his fault that Toji and Tsumiki left because he wasn’t good enough. 
The strange thing is Yuji thinks that Megumi might blame him for what happened in Tokyo and think he is a bad person now, but Megumi is much more likely to blame himself. He’ll think it was his choice to save Yuji that led to Sukuna rampaging and he has to bear all the respnosibility alone without Yuji. When the truth is it’s neither of their faults, because both Megumi and Yuji are just kids. 
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