#every day i listen to hozier and die each time. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

callsign-rogueone · 9 days

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Hey my love, welcome to another rant of a chaotic mind. 😵‍💫❤️

Hear me out. Bren and duchess dancing. That's it. Whether it's at an event, say maybe there's this event at riorson house and there's music playing ( like classical idk ) he's dancing with her. Wedding ofc too. Say duchess is playing her millennial music and she's just idk vibing/dancing to it while holding Brens hand, he's going to give in to his wifey! He's has to right? He's a simp for her. He's gonna twirl her and hold her hand or waist/ lower back. And when she's just vibing to her music he lets her do what she wants. It's just a thought that has been stuck in my head for 2 days.

Also what do u think is bren and duchess song? I love the song love story from indila for them. But what do u think lovely? ♡

love all of the rants, especially about my most favorite couple 🧡

Duchess, being nobility, was definitely taught to do ballroom dancing and all that fancy stuff as a child. so she totally could (and has before) lead Brennan around in a lazy waltz in an empty ballroom in Riorson house or her parents' house, just the two of them swaying and Brennan humming a tune for them to dance to... keeping one hand on her back like you said, maybe he twirls her and pulls her in for a kiss, or dips her to make her laugh and hold on to him tighter... lots of potential there.

which is good practice for rare formal events where it's expected of them. and their wedding, of course. their first dance is just them swaying around and him holding her close and trying not to cry lol. Bren is absolutely going to cry at their wedding because he loves her so much and cannot believe it's happening + all the emotions of his fam not being there + the "official" start of his second life... yeah. I got a request for their proposal / wedding / honeymoon which I'm working on and it's going to be several emotions, fluff, spice, and a few tears lol

and you know he cannot say no to her. if she wants to dance with him, he's getting up out of his chair and following along, even though he's not the best at it / shy -- he just loves seeing her happy, loves holding her and seeing how graceful she is. he'll also stand silently and just watch her dance if she doesn't know he's there, and scare her a little bit every time when she twirls around and realizes he's there and gets all shy and embarrassed. but he just gives her a kiss and says it was cute / reminds her how much he loves seeing her like that.

also, if they're at a fancy party or something her parents are hosting, Brennan is by her side all night. no other man is going to dance with her since Brennan is glaring at any man who gets too close or looks at her the wrong way, especially if most people there don't know she's married to him. possessive baby, hehe.

only Brennan gets to hold you like that. the exception was Liam and Xaden and her dad each dancing with her at her wedding, which is traditional, and he knows that's her family. but nobody else! especially not Drake Cordella.

I do not understand any french at all but that song is really pretty! here's some of the songs that are on my playlist for them (I have playlists for most of the couples that shall remain secret, hehe)

across the stars (love theme from star wars): I like using this one when I'm writing for multiple couples, including them <3

I also like a lot of dramatic Lana Del Rey for them... young and beautiful (especially the orchestra version!!), born to die... dark paradise...

war of hearts by ruelle was on repeat when I was writing the chess game, for the dramatic ambiance. I'm listening it to it again now, going through my playlist for them and I can feel the panic I was trying to convey in duchess when the venin shows up... the lyrics don't really match their story but the vibe does!

for more thematic, obvious reasons, work song by hozier... "no grave can hold by body down, I'll crawl home to her"... generally anything about defying death for love. Brennan is just very Hozier coded in the depth of his love for his partner and his devotion to her,,, yeah. expect an essay about that later lol.

also, would that I by hozier... this one has references to fire, and to the beauty of her hair, and we all know how Bren feels about her hair.

til forever falls apart by ashe. I have a one-shot planned for this song but not for them, though I think it still applies -- they're endgame, until death and beyond.

I'm thinking about doing a little "disney love songs" type thing with little fics for a handful of the gfs / wives, and theirs would be kiss the girl from the little mermaid, with Ban and Marbh meddling and encouraging them to just kiss already!! since I still haven't given you how exactly they got together...

another song I have saved for a future chapter of theirs is are you with me by nilu. that will be the title for their next full chapter toward the end of iron flame / battle of basgiath... there's gonna be some angst there for sure, but "happy ending" (or as happy as the end of iron flame can be... both of them survive and the argument they have is resolved.)

#brennan and duchess #answered #aura 🧡#liz.txt

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ghouljams · 7 months

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I am giving the go ahead to go and analyze. For I too am foaming at the mouth for the info dump of analyzing and putting songs to fics. I can't not listen to hozier when i read your works now.

Your works are just hozier coded to me

(am gunna also start signin off uvu)

- a hungry raccoon 🦝

My Darling I am Hozier coded. I am in love with that man, and nearly all my WIPs have a Hozier title because I'm a huge nerd. (I even got to see him in concert in september AAAAH he was so good)

Actually the Cowboy AU is the only one that doesn't have a Hozier title. Ghost/Goose's official title it "Here's Hoping(Things Look Better on the Other Side)." Which I'm not planning on changing but "I'll Crawl Home to You" would also work really well. Anyway Ghoul being pretentious under the cut.

So I am going to preface this saying that I believe Hozier has said the song is about addiction, the way it starts sweet and then you can't get out. But I have my own thoughts because I'm a romantic, and you're going to listen to them. I am going to interpret this as Ghost telling folks about Goose.

"Boys, workin' on empty Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby I'm so full of love I could barely eat There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be She give me toothaches just from kissin' me"

OK verse 1. The first two lines are very much Ghost's time in the military. He's not really there, he's an empty person, a shell for the SAS to command, and he faces hell every day like that. He's hopeless, but he doesn't have a need for it, hell is an inevitability to him. Lines 3 and 4, I think that's again him in the military. He thinks about the life he's never going to have. He barely eats, he's in survival mode, there's not a life worth living for him so he only does what he needs to. Then with line 5 we meet Goose, and with line 6 Ghost decides he never wants anyone else. There's nothing sweeter than his baby, no one that takes him the way she does, she sees him for all that he is and she wants him anyway.

Then the last line of verse 1. UGH. The guilt. This is Price's kid. He loves her but she's bad for him, he can't have her. And Goose is still sweet to him, even when they both know there's no future for this, she still is sweet. AND IT HURTS. It hurts Ghost to be around her and so he pushes her away.

"Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib And I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did"

Verse 2, we'll cover the chorus at the end. Yeah the sins. The SINS. Ghost pushing Goose away, but also a callback to how they met, to the bar and choosing each other. When Goose found him he wasn't a person, he was Ghost, he was bound for hell and nothing was going to lift him from the lake of fire. But then lines 3/4, Goose doesn't push to break his walls down, in fact she sets up her own. Stakes a flag on his head that say's "Goose's do not touch" and somehow that works. He has a safety net the likes of which he's never had before, and when he turns to look at Goose he realizes she doesn't have much either.

Line 4? She's given her whole life to a cause the same way he has, she's never made a choice that wasn't for someone else. There are expectations that she's taken on that no one should have asked her to. Ghost sees that, sees that he's a choice too and he has to decide if he's a good one. I think again(I know I've said this a million times) that Ghost has lived his career like he's dying. He's never cared about whether he makes it out alive, as long as the people he's watching over live it's fine. But Goose tells him, "you're not allowed to die" and he believes her. She never asks him what brought him to this point, but she's there when he's ready to tell her.

"My babe would never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me When I was kissing on my baby And she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamplight I was free Heaven and hell were words to me"

Verse 3, lfg. Despite being a worrier, Goose really doesn't worry over what Ghost did in special forces. He served under her father, and that's worth its weight in gold. For all his "I'm dangerous" talk, Ghost has never raised a hand to her, never tried to hurt her, and never done anything to make her think that Price was wrong to recruit him. For all the bad he may have done, Goose holds onto Ghost's hope that it was all for the greater good.

They we wrap up the verse, lines 3-8, it doesn't matter if Ghost is bound for hell because he has Goose now, and whatever happens they're in it together. Goose accepts Ghost as he is, she loves him for all his flaws, and she has him body and soul. Lines 4 and 7 feel very much like an admittance from Ghost that Goose really wears the pants in their relationship. She's the one steering their ship, and he's perfectly happy to take her orders. It's freeing for him to put himself into the hands of someone who loves him so unconditionally that she would stand up at the gates of heaven and demand he be allowed in. She'd fight Gabriel himself for Ghost. But he'd never ask her to, because it doesn't matter anymore.

Heaven and Hell are just words, they're not a promise or a reward, or a weight around his neck. He has Goose, and she has him, and that's his heaven. He's free from trying to scrape a shred of forgiveness from a higher power, Goose is his God now.

"When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her"

Yeah Chorussss. We love the grave metaphors for Ghost, very cheeky little backstory nods. He's crawled out of a grave once, and he can do it again. Nothing will keep him from Goose, and the peace that she offers him. What's heaven, what's hell? He can find better rest in her arms, and he will always crawl home to her.

But also! "Lay me gently" GENTLY, he wants to be taken care of. Even in the lowest points of his life. He begs for it over and over between every verse. "Treat me gently, even if I leave it behind give me comfort." Over and over again. He doesn't expect comfort except in death, but by the end I have to think: who's laying Ghost to rest? Goose probably, and she will always treat him gently. Because for as big and scary as Ghost is, he craves softness. He's built tall walls to hide the cracks in his armor, to hide the delicate underbelly, but it's still there waiting to be loved. And Goose loves him, for all of it.

#ghoul speaks #simon ghost riley #cod x oc #x oc #cowboy!ghost #simon ghost riley x oc #oc: goose #anywaaaaaaaay I love work song #and I love doing ghost analyses

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furiosophie · 1 year

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Hellooo

I'm halfway through rereading post·mor·tem for... I don't know how many times already and my friend has already finished it and is dying because of how good it is. The Thranto brainrot is too real, good job, you are one of the best fic writers out there, we will send you the hospital bills.

We were wondering if you listened to any music while writing it or if you have any specific song that helps your inspiration for this ship.

Thank you for writing this, I'm going to pile up some kleenex for when I finish it.

thank u anon, i'm so glad you both like the fic!!!!!

i did listen to music while writing, in fact i can't write anything without music and thus tend to have a playlist for pretty much every one of my fics! here's the one for postmortem:

🪐 post·mor·tem playlist 🪐

yes it's chronological, yes i am aware it's maybe a bit too detailed, and yes if you wanna know exactly which song fits where i left it all under the cut

✨ file 01 // an act of kindness - bastille

tentative friendship

hiding - florence + the machine

they nearly die and start pinning hard

half alive - amber run

violet city - mansionair

they slowly realize they are doomed

hardest of hearts - florence + the machine

thanatos (end of us) - j. maya

thrawn sends eli away

a memory away - matt maeson

✨ file 02 // remind me - bastille

thrawn knows he fucked up but tries to justify it/turn it around

hollow crown - ellie goulding

state lines - novo amor [resurfaced memories]

two evils - bastille

good day lieutenant vanto and aftermath

mercy - shawn mendes

make up your mind - florence + the machine

thrawn admits to himself he lost just as he realizes he loves eli

in between - linkin park

they make up but it still all sucks

one last night - vaults

we have it all - pim stones

✨ borika interlude (eli scenes)

eli struggles with thrawn going MIA

saudade, saudade - maro

✨ file 03 // don’t let go (love) - bastille

ezra and thrawn try to survive together

solitude - M83, felsmann + tiley

i know the end - phoebe bridgers

long & lost - florence + the machine

ezra and thrawn scream into the forest

my tears are becoming a sea - M83

thrawn tries to hold on to the thought of eli while captured

the night we met - amber run

they get rescued

blood // water - grandson

ii.

eli is fucking pissed at thrawn

what kind of man - florence + the machine

blender - 5 seconds of summer

would’ve, could’ve, should’ve - taylor swift

thrawn tries to wrap his head around eli’s anger with the help of mak’ro and broika’s

high water - bishop briggs

the hearse - matt maeson

rescuing thalias and aftermath

love me - wide awake, jacob banks

foreign tongues - crywolf [bathroom scene]

they finally make up

constellations - jade lemac

iii.

they fall into each other's orbit again

war - chance pena

thrawn has to say goodbye to ezra and borika

still - noah kahan

they struggle with their guilt and trauma

daylight - david kushner

final stand

gravitational forces - itg studios

how deep is your love? Mashup - hans zimmer, calvin harris, hozier

they heal and rebuild [thrass grave & tava blossoms]

evergreen - richy mitch & the coal miners

surprise wedding

everything everywhere - noah kahan

they decide to infiltrate the empire again

as it was - hozier

#thranto #postmortem #yes i am aware i'm a bit insane about playlists #i just listen to music pretty much 24/7 so #idk it's bound to happen #soph answers asks

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shivunin · 10 months

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✨9 Ship Songs✨

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

Tagged by @brother-genitivi---Thank you so much! I am always delighted by any opportunity to talk music c:

I didn't want to pick one ship, so here are three songs for each of my canon DA ships instead (I have great playlists for all of them that I want to show off haha), so nine total split across the three.

So:

Arianwen/Zevran

The Killing Kind by Marianas Trench (YT link)

The ghost in me was true but you were haunted too just didn't see it all along. Nevermore to leave here, nevermore to leave here You should never be here I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know my love can be the killing kind.

Howl by Florence + The Machine (YT Link)

If you could only see The beast you've made of me I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free Screaming in the dark I howl when we're apart Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your bleeding heart

Got Weird by dodie (YT Link)

I got weird when we made out What a goddamn kiss to think about Poured a drink all over my wiring Short a fuse, all cylinders firing It got weird when we made out Clearly I've got shit to figure out Baby, baby, please don't hate me Call me up again, I won't get weird

Maria/Fenris

Francesca by Hozier (YT Link)

Now that it's done there's not one thing that I would change My life was a storm since I was born How could I fear any hurricane? If someone asked me at the end I'd tell them "put me back in it." ... I would still be surprised I could find you, Darling, in any life

reckless driving by Lizzy McAlpine (YT Link) (with Maria singing the man's part)

Now we're at 180 and I can finally see but then it's over in a second, crashed the car into the tree Yeah, I can see it all happen You'd rather die than take your eyes off me

Lose Myself by Lera Lynn (YT Link)

Don't want to talk Don't want to listen You'll just convince me That you're what I'm missing If I stay longer, I know what I'll do I'll lose myself in you

Emmaera/Cullen

Dark Doo Wop by MS MR (YT Link)

The world is gonna burn, burn, burn, burn As long as we're going down Baby you should stick around It's all gone to shit; it's out of our hands Baby if you could, I know: you would hatch a plan That's my, that's my man

You and Me on the Rock by Brandi Carlile (YT Link)

I'll build my house up on this rock, baby, every day with you There's nothin in that town I need after everything we've been through. Me out in my garden And you out on your walk Is all the distance this poor girl can take without listening to you talk I don't need their money, baby Just you and me on the rock

Photograph by Cody Fry (YT Link)

If I wished myself a superpower I would make this moment last for hours If I had my will, time would just stand still Wait for me until I find some magic film To take a photograph and live inside I need some way to prove that this was real A memory is not enough I'm scared that I'll forget the way it feels To be young and in love Let me stay right here---just a moment longer The picture is so clear Please let this last forever

Tagging (no pressure): @greypetrel @demandthedoodles @star--nymph @vakarians-babe @scribbledquillz @zenstrike @gaysebastianvael @transprincecaspian @ndostairlyrium @gvnseylike @idolsgf @layalu @bitchesofostwick @jtownnn and YOU

Tell me what music you like for your fellas!!

#music #tag game #zevwen #maria/fenris #cullemma #arianwen tabris #maria hawke #emmaera lavellan #this took me longer than it should have lol. like which songs best exemplify them? there are sixty some songs on the maria one #had to discard three songs about devouring your lover in favor of howl for wen #also man. i need a better ship name for maria and fenris :/#i just hate throwing these things in the main tag you know?

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

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I feel like Lorraine Heath's two most recent books haven't been as angsty as her books usually are and I'm low-key depressed about it! Do you have any recs for hrs by other authors that are super angsty?

I really like both of them, especially The Return of The Duke (I just love the hate vibes and of course... the time he asked her to ride him~) but I agree that they aren't as angsty for the couple personally. More the plot. I will say that though I haven't read her latest yet, I do have it and I've read a few bits and pieces and.. WHEW. That one, I think, is gonna be a looooot.

I think you can't go wrong with Elizabeth Hoyt for angst. She writes excellent sex, and intense, flawed characters who often do a bit of emotional damage to each other.

Angst standouts include:

The Raven Prince--boss/employee, he's an earl and she's his widowed secretary so they can't be together. He's very angsty because he's scarred after a bout with smallpox and like. His wife cursed him as she lay dying in childbirth lmao.

The Leopard Prince--upper class lady and her steward, he doesn't feel good enough for her and also people are trying to frame him for mURDER

Scandalous Desires--pirate hero, widowed Quaker heroine; there's a lot of "he's gonna die" angst because, you know, pirates, and he's pretty mean at first in the beeest way

Thief of Shadows--virgin hero, widowed/older heroine, he's a masked vigilante and she knows who he is; also, she's infertile and is FOR REAL, there is no magic baby, and there's a lot of sorrow from her and feeling that she shouldn't keep him from the kids she knows he wants. EXQUISITE novel, one of the best ever.

Duke of Midnight--duke hero/impoverished lady's companion hero; they have a cat and mouse thing where she knows he's a vigilante and blackmails him into helping her free her brother from imprisonment. They begin this passionate sexual affair, but he's courting the woman she's a lady's companion to.

Sweetest Scoundrel--uptight heroine/wild hero, but she's deeply traumatized after being sexually abused as a child; they begin a slow burn affair where he's super respectful of her boundaries and helps her learn to enjoy her body again, but they have every intention of not staying together. It is *chef's kiss*

But all the Maiden Lane books are worth reading, and they are all ANGSTY.

Sarah MacLean does angst very well. Her heroes are always like "LEAVE ME TO ROT AND FEED ON MY CARCASS IF YOU WISH, I AM SUCH TRASH". MacLean heroes listen to Hozier and go "he gets it", but only after they leeearn.

Angst recs:

A Rogue By Any Other Name: childhood friends to enemies to lovers, a forever fave, he does her soooo baaad and soooo gooood but he has to make it up to her

No Good Duke Goes Unpunished: she was engaged to his dad and accidentally framed him for her murder, lmao

The Day of the Duchess: a daringly angsty book where he cheats on her while she's pregnant (he has reasons, not that it matters) and then she loses the baby and they separate for years before reuniting

Daring and the Duke: may be better if you read the two previous Bareknuckle Bastards books more (depends) but lol.... he kinda tried to kill her? It's another book-long grovel

Jeannie Lin's The Dragon and The Pearl made me like. Tear up. because it was like so star-crossed and the tension got so high, and they just couldn't spit it out. Also: has one of the hottest non-sex scenes I've ever read.

Indigo by Beverly Jenkins is gorgeously angsty. He's an upper class guy she nurses back to health, as they both work with the Underground Railroad. The heroine was enslaved as a child, and she's go a lot of understandable trauma related to that. The mountains this hero moves for her... It's gorgeous.

Dreaming of You is my favorite Kleypas because of the high angst. I mean, he literally sends her away for months and becomes a shadow of his former self. He like, confesses his love in a SOBBING. BLUBBERING. MESS.

Unmasked by the Marquess by Cat Sebastian. Another very high angst book. One lead is AFAB nb, the other is a cis man. They're friends, and then they fuck, and he's like "be my wife" and they're like "dude no". A LOT A LOT A LOT.

The Madness of Lord Ian MacKenzie and Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage by Jennifer Ashley. Madness has a hero who's on the autism spectrum and has been an outcast and literally imprisoned for it. Lady Isabella has a couple that spent time apart and is now back together because she knows someone is stealing his identity, basically. He's trying to win her back, despite all their issues.

The Bride Goes Rogue by Joanna Shupe. Hero and heroine were betrothed by their parents, and he dumps her. They hook at a masquerade and start a no strings relationship that quickly becomes intense.

The Duke Gets Even. Enemies to fuckbuddies. Uptight duke who's head over heels x brash woman who refuses to commit. A favorite of mine.

The Prince of Broadway by Joanna Shupe. Hero is trying to destroy the heroine's father, agrees to "mentor" her in running a casino and gets in way over his head.

Duchess by Day, Mistress by Night by Stacy Reid. A cold duchess gets into an entanglement with a self made man. It's supposed to be for fucking, but it gets FOR REAL.

I'm currently reading the Lady Charlotte's Society of Angels series by Grace Callaway, and it's both fun and angsty. The heroines are a part. of a Victorian Charlie's Angels thing, which I LOVE. She's also like... one of the hotter historical authors I've read.

Olivia and the Masked Duke--she's a 19 year old ingenue type, he's the 31 year old widower who's all damaged from his first marriage; together, they fight crime and she's the brat to his dom; he feels VERY angsty about despoiling her but does it anyway

Pippa and the Prince of Shadows--childhood friends to lovers; she's a widow with a shitty first husband, he's a Scarred Hero (TM); has one of the most lovely and emotional "let me see your scars" scenes I've read

Anyway, these are some!

#romance novel blogging #book recs

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cieloclercs · 8 months

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heyyy can i get a lover, you should’ve come over (also, love this song it hits so hard) for an f1 driver or atp player

i’m 5,3” with short brown hair (floppy curtain bangs), brown eyes and freckles just across my nose. i love classics, history, geography, english and politics in school, and i’m currently rereading the heroes of olympus series. jewelry is my favorite thing in the world and i love wearing novelty earrings, i don’t really wear make up just some occasional mascara. i love to read and write, and obsess over fictional characters and sportspeople in my spare time. my favorite music artists atm are the smiths, jeff buckley, the cranberries, fleetwood mac, hozier and the cure. although i don’t really believe in astrology, i am such a cancer and get very emotional about things. my family and my friends mean more to me than anything else in the world and one of my main goals in life is to be the kindest, best listener i can possibly be <3

tysmm and i love your writing <3

i ship you with oscar piastri!

— ok so a lot of my reasoning for this is that in another writer’s celly i was shipped with oscar piastri, and girl YOU SOUND JUST LIKE ME WHAT ??!! 😭 but like after reading it it made so much sense ?? i’ll explain:

— first of all you sound adorable, like i’m building up a picture in my head and you and oscar look so cute together 🥹 obviously he’s not the tallest, but he’s still significantly taller than you, and you can bet he’s gonna tease you about it at every given opportunity 😭 (he’s such a little shit i’ll stand by this till i die) also i feel like he’d absolutely love your freckles !! like one of those slightly cliche moments where your s/o traces the freckles on your face ?? you know one of those moments ??? yeah, that’s oscar with you 😭 cue him zoning out trying to count them and you catching him just staring at you and he blushes so hard 🤭🤭

— the more i learn about oscar piastri the more i can picture him with a super intellectual s/o, not just because of the vibes, but also because i think he’d take a genuine interest. not a lot of people would be interested in things like classics and history (i mean in my opinion it’s literally the coolest thing ever but from experience not everyone agrees 😭) and oscar definitely thinks you’re like the coolest person on earth 😭 he’ll ask you loadsss of questions about it just so he can hear you talk 🥹 and you can bet he’ll try to learn as much about it as he possibly can so he can impress you 😏😏 the man is a SIMP

— i don’t know whether a lot of other f1 fans think this ??? but i feel like oscar has surprisingly diverse music taste 🤔 like i can definitely picture him being into some of the old classics rather than current mainstream music (à la sebastian vettel) so i feel like you guys would have LOADS in common when it comes to music. oscar is definitely a huge blur fan (idk why he’s giving damon albarn vibes to me) BUT his guilty pleasure music is the smiths and fleetwood mac !!!! he’s a soft boy at heart 🥹 he’ll literally make you custom playlists and buy you vinyls if you’re into that stuff (pro boyfriend behaviour honestly)

— i feel like oscar will quite often be the voice of reason in your relationship. i mean we’ve all seen how chill he is (he genuinely reminds me of kimi he’s just completely deadpan 😭) so when you get emotional about something he’s always there to talk you down and help you feel better 🥹 and he’d be such a good listener too !! this man will literally sit and let you rant for HOURS if you need to without losing concentration 🥹 i also feel like oscar sometimes bottles things up ?? so when you can sense he’s doing that, you always try to coax him out and get him to talk to you about whatever it is that’s bothering him. you guys genuinely tell each other everything. you’re his confidant, and he yours 🤍

— + bonus head cannon !! sometimes oscar will surprise you or turn up at yours a day or so early after his races, and every single time he’ll bring you a new piece of jewellery from whatever country he’s just been in: whether it’s your favourite novelty earrings or a necklace or bracelet from one of those independent jewellery stores (the best jewellery imo) and he’d love just seeing your face light up every time !! 🥹 it’s not a particularly expensive gift, but you both love the authenticity of it and how personal it is to you ❤️

#🪷 — rose’s 1k celebration!#oscar piastri #formula 1 #f1 #anon ask #<3

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depressiongirlchronicles · 4 hours

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11:33 - Hey Good Morning,

I don't really know how to start today, but I swear I'm not holding a loaded gun and firing. I am not keeping up with Ms Swift, I have blocked her on everything and removed social media so I don't get notifications and what not so if something is happening over there I wouldn't know.

Today I drove in to Emu Park, which is about 30mins away from where I live, and I listen to Stick Season (Forever) on shuffle. I have been trying to rewire my brain to be making positive links so I have better days. I say what I'm thankful for about the day each night and I am working on trying to do certain activities to reduce the pain in my skeleton frame (rheumatoid arthritis be like) so I walk 5km most days and am trying to be consistent with yoga. The more you stress and be upset the more you create inflammation so I can't be like that all the time.

I have been thinking about a few different things lately. The first one is drug addiction because lately I've been feeling really overwhelmingly sad that I don't get to smoke weed every night. It mostly has to do with the skeleton frame pain, but also in part with extra work obligations. For four years I was high every single night. I have been missing my dogs and don't know if they're still alive anymore. I had this weird realisation that I didn't understand fully the extent of what was happening to me because I was on drugs, and drugs have this really funny way of making the moments you're living in enjoyable rather than fucking miserable. Being sober feels extremely difficult. It feels like every single morning you have to get up and get through the day is this long drawn out challenge that will never, ever end. So when I was thinking about all the things I previously had it sort of felt extremely odd to see the perspective that I only enjoyed my previous life because I wasn't even there to truly understand what that life really was. Which is weird. In comparison my life is much better, but I feel sad because I found the little moments more enjoyable while I was high and I don't get to do that anymore. Maybe it's not a super relatable feeling to everybody but it felt like a new step in understanding how things unfolded and why I was there for so long.

Another thing I've been thinking about is the Stick Season (Forever) album. I don't know how to really put it into words other than it has become a meaningful part of my mornings where I will pick that album and only that album to listen to. I really like all the choices for the musicians that were picked for the remixed songs. I go crazy for Brandi when she comes on. I live and breathe You're Gonna Go Far but Brandi's Version. If it's not Brandi I will sing the small Brandi parts and wish for Brandi to come on the shuffle. All of the choices of the musicians makes me want to fucking cry with how good they are. Hozier, Sam Fender, Kacey fucking Musgraves, Brandi, Gracie, Lizzy, Gregory, Posty. I want to die and go to heaven.

I just want to say thank you again Noah. You've become a big part of helping me through this moment in my life while I get through some challenging subjects that are kind of really sad in the grand perspective to think about. You are an integral component in the rewiring my brain to make positive links to move forward and you really don't know how much I appreciate that album. Seriously. I hope you are here and are reading this and I hope you know how much you've helped. I want to try my best to capture this experience to give to my brother when it's his turn but I'm not sure how to do it. I just want to give him the album, but in the future, if that makes sense.

Anyways, I've rambled on, but thank you so much. I am putting you in tonight's thank yous for my three good things about the day.

Also this is a bird that was on my bag today

I am calling him Jelli

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readbentweenthelines · 14 days

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TASK 001 - Follow the Strange Trails - A Ben anak Bandi Playlist

As someone who appreciates poetry, it should be no surprise that Ben also enjoys music. He believes that music, much like cooking, benefits from a wide pallet, and he likes to sample all different genres and songs, particularly those with interesting lyrics. While he deeply enjoys the lyricism of it all, he also has a special fondness for classic rock music, grunge, and folk.

Ben's playlist is separated into chapters, with a prologue, two chapters, and an epilogue at the end. Each chapter is themed, with the first being representative of his love of rock and the second representing more moody tracks with a heavy focus on lyricism. These are not just songs that Ben would listen to but also music that I believe suit his personality. To quote Shakespeare, "If music be the food of love, play on..."

Listen here. Songs detailed below the cut.

Prologue

Time by Pink Floyd | Every year is getting shorter / Never seem to find the time / Plans that either come to naught / Or half a page of scribbled lines / Hanging on in quiet desperation / Is the English way

Chapter One

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy by Queen | Ooh, love, ooh, lover boy / What're you doing tonight? Hey, boy / Write my letter, feel much better / And use my fancy patter on the telephone

Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls | And I'd give up forever to touch you / 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow / You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be / And I don't wanna go home right now

Live and Let Die by Guns 'N Roses | But if this ever changin' world / In which we live in / Makes you give in and cry / Say live and let die / Live and let die

Cemetery Gates by The Smiths | A dreaded sunny day / So I meet you at the cemetry gates / Keats and Yeats are on your side / While Wilde is on mine

Brain Stew by Green Day | My mind is set on overdrive / The clock is laughing in my face / A crooked spine, my senses dulled / Past the point of delirium

Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm | So they came into the outway / It was Sunday / What a black day / I could made a salutation / Sounding heartbeats / Intimidations

Chapter Two

Sunlight by Hozier | Each day, you'd rise with me / Know that I would gladly be / The Icarus to your certainty / Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

Mykonos by Fleet Foxes | And you will go to Mykonos / With a vision of a gentle coast / And a sun to maybe dissipate / Shadows of the mess you made

Far From Home (The Raven) by Sam Tinnesz | 'Cause out here in the darkness / And out of the light / If you get to me too late / Just know that I tried / Oh, I'm so far from home

Myth by Beach House | Found yourself in a new direction / Arrows falling from the sun / Canyon calling, would they come to greet you? / Let you know you're not the only one

Way Out There by Lord Huron | Find me way out there / There's no road that will lead us back / When you follow the strange trails / They will take you who knows where

Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths | Today, of all days, see / How the most dangerous thing is to love / How you will heal and you'll rise above / Crowned by an overture bold and beyond / Ah, it's more courageous to overcome

Epilogue

Evergreen by Richy Mitch & The Coal Miners | What am I waiting for? / Feet planted beneath / My compass my transport

#half a page of scribbled lines: music #great expectations: about #the tell tale heart: headcanons #lunarcoveprompt1 #lunarcoveinspo #//i did this weeks ago and just forgot to post it rip

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journalofsorts2 · 1 year

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i made a playlist with a bunch of songs that make me like genuinely cry, like a lot of different media definitely makes me sad or like genuinely effects me, but it takes a lot to actually produce tears from my eyes, and to produce enough that they genuinely roll down my face. and so now i'm going to list each song and try to explain why it makes me cry (if i even know)

Never Love an Anchor - The Crane Wives, mommy issues, daddy issues, parental issues, yeah thats about it

The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives, i don't really know for this one, maybe it's the similarity to never love an anchor that does it, idk

In a Week (feat. Karen Cowley) - Hozier, i've already explained it before but that one really really sad fic that made me cry for days that had a animatic to go along with it and that animatic was to this song, and also it's just a sad song in general but it makes me want to rot away

Gilded Lily - Cults, i really relate to the lyrics, i repeated 'haven't i given enough' really fucking struck home for me like idk life seems so pointless but i keep trying and i keep having to try even harder and i just want it all to be done, so this one also makes me cry

Answering Machine - Ruby Haunt, this one doesn't even have any lyrics but idk man, it just like strikes something in me, i also played this on repeat while writing some of my more sad and serious posts on here so maybe it's because i cried writing some of those that this song makes me feel like crying again

September Sparky Deathcap - Reno, um okay this one's kinda silly but it was playing in the background of a bluey edit for one of the saddest episodes (camping) and it just really struck me and now i can't listen to it without getting sad

welcome and goodbye - Dream, Ivory, i don't actually know the reason for this one, maybe it's the tune, it's definitely not the lyrics because i can barely make them out most of the time, but idk this one just makes me really sad

Scott Street -Penelope Bridgers, idk for this one too, sad song go brr i guess idk man

Would That I - Hozier, of course another hozier song ended up on here, i've already talked about this one making me sad before too, but i think it's because it reminds me of in a week and it evokes that same specific emotion that in a week does and that makes me sad ig

Soldier, Poet, King - The Oh Hellos, okay so i've actually been a super big fan of this song for a long time, i think it was actually my most played song in 2020 or 2021 idk, but it just makes me really sad and makes me think of past happiness and like it just makes me wanna cry

Is There a Place I Can Go - Trudy and the Romance, this one reminds me of the type of songs my mom used to play in the shitty car stereo when i was little and we would go grocery shopping together and it just makes me want to curl up in a little ball and be hugged and like i miss being loved

Young - Vacations, this one's kinda cliche but who cares, it's been in my sad song playlists for years now and i've cried with it in the background and idk it just makes me want to melt into the floor and lose consciousness

Constellations - Duster, this one's also kinda cliche but it's also been in like every sad song playlist i've ever had and idk it just calms me down and the tears i cry to it are calm, quiet tears because this is a calm, quiet song

Heart to Heart - Mac DeMarco, this one's the hopeless romantic in me, cause like i just want to be loved so much and i just want someone to love me and that's the feelings and ideas that this song brings out in me

When It's Cold I'd Like to Die - Moby, Mimi Goese, this one is just like i'm tired of trying, living is so exhausting, when life gets hard all i want to do is lay in some grass and fade away, like just, idk when it's cold i'd like to die man, life is too much effort to be this miserable

Romantic Homicide -d4vd, this is another cliche sorry, yes i did find it from tiktok, who cares, but another hopeless romantic song, i just want to be loved, why is that so hard. i also relate this song to losing my old self and my old friends and stuff idk

What Are We Gonna Do Now - Indigo De Souza, idk man something about her voice, something about that statement, something about the dramatic pick up, something about all of it, i just want to know what to do with my life, i just want to be enough, i just want to not have my life have been for nothing, i want to be loved, i want to love

little person - Matt Maltese, this one has also been on like every single one of my sad song playlists and i don't have enough fingers to count how many times i've played this song while lying in my bed in the dark, trying to muffle my cries so my sister doesn't hear me and ask what's wrong because im not even entirely sure what's wrong

Vas - jagger finn, this one's another cliche, yes i get most of my music from tiktok, but it just idk, i've seen too many videos that made me want to end it all that had this song playing in the background, too many slideshows with the saddest quotes known to man and this is in the background

rises the moon - Liana Flores, this one i didn't get from tiktok! it blew up on there like a year after i found it. anyways this one was the first song on my main sad songs playlist and so usually i was already crying by the time it was on, and like it reminds me how i'm always gonna lose my friends in the end and like i've cried over the fact that i have like no friends to this song too many times

ゆめうつつ - Lamp, i'm pretty sure those are the right characters, anyway i have absolutely no clue what the words in this song mean but the way it's sung is just so comforting and it's like 'oh this what happy sounds like' and it just sounds like it's just out of reach and i'm so close to being happy but i can't and idk man

this list made me realize i cry too much, but yeah that's the whole playlist, my playlist are usually only an hour anyways and this is pretty much all the songs that have made me like genuinely cry, it's not a very long list. idk whatever, i'm too sad man

#journalofsorts rants

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monkeydlesbian · 3 years

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# MY FAVORITE HAIKYUU BOYS AND THEIR FAVORITE HOZIER SONG (+WHY).

a/n: i’m bisexual and i have religious trauma so who else could be my favorite music artist? i love that irish bog man with everything in me and so do these characters. this was lowkey inspired by @sugardaddykenma because her hc’s are always SO FUNNY. hope u enjoy <3

warnings: NSFW THEMES!! mentions of oral sex, mentions of cum?? (it’ll make sense), religious trauma (but funny), mention of human beings rotting (what did u expect it’s hozier), me self projecting (LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING)

tetsurou kuroo ➔ like real people do: a true classic!! he loves how sappy it is because he himself is a massive sap. something about kissing your lover and becoming alive again because of it and the mutual understanding they have of each other gets him going. me too girl! he always tears up at the part “so i will not ask you why you were creeping, in some sad way, i already know” me too girl....

morisuke yaku ➔ angel of small death and the codeine scene: THE DRAMA!!!! THE POETICISM!!!! he loves it and he loves hearing the lyrics and trying to figure out what the fuck they mean. he’s obsessed with the raw power and emotion in the chorus especially the french idiom for orgasms (“small death” yeah what the fuck hozier). cherry wine is also a close second because of the lesbianism.

shouhei fukunaga ➔ in a week feat. karen cowley: IS OBSESSED with the idea of rotting in a field with the love of his life and letting nature take its course. he’s not even being ironic he just thinks it’s so cool. EVERY TIME it comes on he’s like “wouldn’t this be a fun thing to do?” and you can’t help but worry about him a little bit. loves the guitar and the descriptions of all the animals. goes feral over the notion that the lovers will be “at home” as they decay together. a man after my own heart. let’s rot together in an empty field and wait for the buzzards to collect our remains shouhei.

koutarou bokuto ➔ movement: LOVES the clapping and the way the chorus gets kinda intense compared to the rest of the song. will scream “SO MOVE ME BABEYY” and the “MOVE LIKE GREY SKIES, MOVE LIKE A BIRD OF PARADISE” because he loves the PASSION and the INTENSITY!!!! has asked you if you could make out to this song more than once. you say yes obviously because he’s cute and he listens to hozier and the song is sexy as fuck.

tooru oikawa ➔ wasteland, baby!: it’s all about the apocalypse babey!!! oikawa likes aliens right so i feel like a song about the end of the world (which aliens might bring) would be right up his alley. what is better than living through the end of the world with the person you love? than living in an abandoned and run down city but still being in your lovers arms? nothing is better than that. it’s the confronting challenges and obstacles and having someone with you through it all that has oikawa sobbing.

hajime iwaizumi ➔ nina cried power feat. mavis staples: you’re gonna listen to this song and tell me iwaizumi DOESNT work out to it?? ok. but anyways i feel like this song speaks to him and really gets him motivated. “it’s not the waking it’s the rising” holy FUCK hozier starting off strong. i also feel like the minute he figured out this song was about the civil rights movement (!!! i’m feral) he was looking up every single name that was sang and was like damn this is cool as fuck. he’s also a big work song fan because “there’s nothin’ sweeter than my baby” (i’m YEARNING for the working man)

issei matsukawa ➔ moments silence (common tongue): GOD!! FUCK!!!! he says when he hears hozier compare his cum to catholic rosary beads (yeah me too). every time mattsun hears this song he gets horny because all he thinks about is oral sex. the snapping, the guitar, the chorus in the back, it all makes him go BATSHIT. hears “a moment's silence when my baby puts the mouth on me” and is immediately laying between ur legs. it’s about the intimacy. the trust. the reclaiming of sexual acts as a spiritual connection between two people. he eats that shit UP!!!

takahiro hanamaki ➔ take me to church: again another true classic!!! except this time ur sad, probably a little gay, and religiously traumatized. me too girl! makki has a love-hate relationship with this song because he loves the idea of heaven being in the bedroom with your lover but then gets sad when hozier says “we were born sick, you heard them [the church] say it”. besides for the symbolism and religious trauma he fucks HEAVILY with how deep hozier’s voice gets and the PIANO????? incredible.

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fanimesenseiwrites · 3 years

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Things the MC would bring back to their demon bois from the mortal realm:

Lucifer:

MC goes to second hand stores and vintage shops always on the look out for vinyl records that they think Lucifer would like.

Most of the time they try and bring back stuff he'd actually like, such as Tchaikovsky or Vivaldi

Once, they brought back Stravinsky's Firebird Suite and Lucifer wouldn't stop kissing them (once they were in the privacy of his room of course)

Sometimes the MC will bring back more modern music just because it makes them think of him

"I dunno, I just listen to Hozier and think of you"

Lucifer doesn't like all the modern music they bring back but he appreciates the sentiment just the same

Then there's the gag gifts...

Any kind of music that has a reference to the devil or Satan or hell is fair game

These gifts usually elicit an eye roll from the eldest brother but he keeps them all the same

This is why Lucifer owns a copy of "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"

So when MC brings back a copy of Giuseppe Tartini's Violin Sonata in G minor, they're a little surprised at Lucifer's delighted reaction

"You know, I was the one who visited Tartini in his dreams."

MC's mind = blown.

"Also, this copy is cursed. I know you know how much I enjoy cursed vinyls."

"I- wait... What?!"

MC is very upset that they had a cursed vinyl in their possession this whole time

Mammon:

This boy loves stuff, and he loves MC, so he's gonna love any gift really

But MC knows he loves treasure and jewels and as much as they'd love to just bring him back nice watches and jewelery...

MONEY IS A THING, AND MC IS NOT MADE OF IT.

So MC settles for semi-precious stones instead

They always find fun and beautiful stones at museums and those metaphysical stores and they always pick out one that reminds them of Mammon

They're really nervous when they give him his first gift

"Hey, I got this for you and I know it's not fancy or expensive but I saw it and thought of you and I just wanted you to have it."

Mammon will love them until they die. He is really just so touched that MC thought of him. He'll try and play it cool though

He totally fails. MC won't tell him that though

MC brings him Lapis Lazuli and tells him it reminded them of his eyes and Mammon is now a puddle of lovesick goo on the floor

Mammon puts more shelves in his room dedicated to all the gifts MC gives him

One time MC brings him back some fool's gold in a teeny little jar on a chain, so that he can wear it

"Fool's gold? Why cuz I'm a fool?" Mammon asks with a roll of his eyes.

"What? No, cuz I'm a fool for you."

Mammon only love MC until they die? WRONG.

He's gonna love them forever now

He was gonna do that anyways

Leviathan:

C'mon, this boy is easy. Anime/manga stuff and TSL. Need I say more?

At first he'll be suspicious of MC wanting to give him gifts, but once they've convinced him that they're doing it out of the kindness of their heart he's really touched

The first thing the MC brings him is a pen with a little Ruri-Chan on the end of it

"I know it's not much, but I just happened to see it and I knew you'd like it"

Like it??????

HE LOVES IT! HE'S OVER THE GODDAMM MOON.

He's never seen anything like this in the Devildom and he doesn't think about the small stuff usually because he's too busy trying to get the big collectors edition items. So he actually really loves this.

MC continues to bring him cute small stuff like buttons and keychains and Levi loves them all.

His favorite item(s) that MC brought him is a pair of Lord of Shadows and Henry BFF enamel pins

He definitely tackle hugged MC when he got them

He gives the Lord of Shadows pin back to MC so they can each have one and show off their BFF status with them

Satan:

MC loves going to second-hand bookstores to shop for Satan.

Satan also appreciates new books, but there's something special about how his face lights up when he finds something old or rare. Anything with a little bit of history to it.

Of course, finding rare books for not a lot of money is a rare event in itself

So a safe bet is to bring Satan non-fiction, the boy loves to learn

But he really loves it when MC puts thought into finding fiction books that he would like

"I just really feel like you'd like Dean Koontz so I brought you one of my favorites by him."

Satan loves those gifts the most because he can talk to MC about the books afterwards

Satan's absolute favourite gift is a leather bound copy of Arabian Nights though

"I was thinking we could read this one together"

"Like you read it to me and pretend to be Scheherazade?" Satan suggests.

MC is flustered at the connotation of the suggestion but agrees anyways

The time they spend together reading that story will forever be one of Satan's favorite memories

Asmodeus:

He's a little harder to shop for than the MC had originally imagined

They tried bringing him make-up and skin care, which Asmo always graciously accepted, but he never seemed super excited about the gifts

But what else is to be expected from the guy who already uses only the best products?

MC suddenly gets an idea when they send Asmo a selfie of them at the park

- OMG! You're so cute! And the background is pretty too!-

MC starts dressing up and going to nice and beautiful places just with the intention of taking pictures

Botanical Gardens, museums, downtown skylines, anything that would make for a good picture

MC goes full on aesthetic art hoe just for Asmo

Only the best pictures get sent to Asmo

Asmo is LIVING for the looks their MC is serving up

- You are absolutely STUNNING! I'm in awe at these AMAZING pictures-

MC makes a scrapbook of the best pictures to give to Asmo the next time they see him

Asmo loves it and keeps it on display in his room always

Also, Asmo definitely makes MC their personal photographer after seeing the wonderful shots they took

Beelzebub:

Obviously, the boy loves food. He's always down to try new snacks from the mortal realm.

But MC wonders if there's something better that they could bring him

One day MC is at GNC for supplements for themself when they notice the workout supplements and get an idea

They grab some fun flavored protein powder and some BCAAs and a really nice shaker bottle just for Beel

Beel is actually really excited to get these gifts!

The Devildom doesn't have fun flavors of protein powder and the shaker bottle is such a great idea!

MC always brings new flavors of protein back for Beel, doing their best to find the weirdest flavors for him to try

Beel's favorite is definitely Birthday Cake.

MC starts bringing him new stuff to try too, protein bars, recovery supplements, collagen, and superfoods shakes

Beel tries everything and tells MC what their favorites are

"I love the BCAAs, I just wish the Devildom had them..." *sad Beel noises*

MC may or may not talk to Diavolo about researching BCAAs and getting them produced and sold in the Devildom

The supplements MC brings actually help Beel with his workouts and to control his hunger (a little)

Beel actually gets hotter??? Who knew that was possible???

MC definitely takes advantage of Beel's new 8-pack 😏😏😏

Belphegor:

What do you get the boy who only wants to sleep?

MC has gotten him stuffed animals and blankets and even a couple of nice pillows, but nothing seems to excite him

... but maybe that's just his personality??

It's not until MC accidentally leaves a sweater in the Devildom, that they figure it out

- You left your sweater down here- Belphie texts MC.

- Oh no, I'll just get when I come to visit y'all again-

- That's fine. I like having something that smells like you-

And the light bulb went off in MC's head.

Every time MC goes to visit they leave a shirt or sweater behind for Belphie, so that he can have something that smells like them.

Belphie loves how MC smells, its like a sweet dream all the time. It helps him sleep better when they're gone.

Belphie starts to complain when MC is gone longer than the item they left smells like them

(Which is every time)

So MC will start leaving Belphie more than one item, packing them in airtight bags so he can use them one after another until they return

Belphie can and will fight anyone who tries to take MC's clothing

"Mammon, you have two seconds to put that sweater back or I will kill you."

And Lucifer probably won't stop him

Diavolo:

He's honestly the easiest to please.

He's so fascinated with any thing that humans do that he'll enjoy any gift from the human world.

MC's first gift to him is a rubber duck.

"The duck is wearing a crown so it made me think of you and I just thought it was cute."

"I love it! What's its purpose?"

"Uh... to float around in the bathtub with you and look cute?"

"Isn't that what you're for?"

Diavolo loves the rubber duck so much it gets his own silk pillow to rest on when it's not taking a bath with Diavolo.

MC brings him cute pens, and keychains sometimes bottles of wine if the bottle is cute.

"The bottle is shaped like a cat! Isn't that delightful?!"

MC's proudest moment was when they found a full and intact tea set at the thrift store

Diavolo immediately fell in love with it.

He insists on only using that set when having tea with MC

But his favorite gift will always be the rubber duck.

Barbatos:

He'll insist that he doesn't need any gifts but that won't stop the MC.

MC is with him in the kitchen in the Demon Lord's Palace when they get an idea.

KITCHEN TOYS.

Barbatos works so hard, he deserves some things to make his life easier and liven up the bland kitchen

MC's first gift is a vegetable spiralizer.

"You use it to turn zucchini and squash and the like into noodles so that you can do fun stuff with vegetables!"

Barbatos accepts it graciously, but he'll probably never use it.

MC brings him spices from the mortal realm and Barbatos actually really loves those.

When MC brings him a food processor, he offers to cook for them right then and there

Despite all the weird gadgets MC ends up bringing him, and there are plenty out there, Barbatos's favorite is a ladle that looks like a stegosaurus.

It's far more whimsical than anything he would've ever picked out, and he'll never use it, but only because he's afraid of ruining it, not because he doesn't love it.

At some point, Barbatos does ask MC to stop bringing him kitchen gadgets

"Why? Do you not like them?" MC asks with a pout.

"I appreciate all of them, but I have everything I need when you're in the kitchen with me."

If MC wasn't already in love with him they are now

Smooth bastard just doesn't want anymore shit in his kitchen

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c-optimistic · 3 years

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Not sure if you’re still taking prompts, but I just watched Hozier’s from Eden music video and now I can’t stop thinking about Lena and Kara on the run finding and saving a kid from a bad situation...

obviously slightly different from the video and also an unambiguously happy ending

Alex handed over the keys to the beat up car, her eyes not straying from Kara’s for even a second.

“Travel at night as much as you can. The tank is full, but you need to make it last as long as possible.” She blinked, bit her lip, and squeezed Kara’s hand. “No powers. Not for anything. And no contact. I’ll find a way to let you know it’s safe.”

Kara nodded, pulling her sister closer and enveloping her in a tight hug, trying to memorize the way it felt, the warmth that burrowed into her bones and eased her mind. “We’ll be fine, Alex,” she said, injecting as much confidence in those four words as she possibly could. She was glad that Alex couldn’t see the tears she wasn’t quite able to suppress. “I’ll be listening for you.”

Alex pulled away and opened her mouth to argue, probably to point out that Kara’s statement went directly against the no power rule, but then her mouth snapped shut, like she knew better than to argue.

“Don’t put on any music you like on the radio. You know it makes you want to sing, and that sort of thing is bound to attract attention,” Alex said instead, smoothing over Kara’s shoulders and tugging slightly on the collar of her borrowed leather jacket. “Take care of each other,” she added, clearly no longer able to hide her anxiety behind jokes. Her eyes didn’t stray from Kara, but the comment was undoubtedly meant more for Lena than for Kara. “I love you, Kara.”

“Danvers sisters, right?” Kara said thickly, holding back tears. She pulled Alex in for one more tight hug, taking care to listen to her heartbeat, to memorize its unique rhythm. “I love you, too. You call if you need me. Okay? Do you promise?”

“Promise,” Alex said, pulling away and wiping at her cheeks. “All right. Go. Go.”

Kara and Lena didn’t need to be told a third time. They got into the car, and drove off into the night, Kara’s eyes on the rearview mirror long after Alex had disappeared entirely from view.

Very quickly, they developed a routine.

Hats, thick sunglasses, hoodies, and overall easily forgettable outfits became their norm, much to Lena’s eternal dismay. Kara would pretend not to see her wince as she pulled on sneakers, and Lena returned the favor by not calling Kara out when she used her superhearing to listen for Alex every single night.

They drove throughout the night for the most part, sticking to unpopulated areas as much as they could, not speaking much to the people they ran into at gas stations and diners. When the posters with their faces began cropping up on public restrooms and outside of convenience stores, Lena suggested they die or cut their hair.

During the day, they slept. Sometimes in the car, no relief from the sweltering heat. Sometimes, if they figured it was safe enough, they’d sleep a few hours at a motel before setting off again.

They definitely didn’t use each other’s names. Not once. In fact, they didn’t speak much at all.

(One thing filled both their minds:

Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving.

As long as they were on the move, Lex couldn’t get to them.)

It wasn’t much of a life, but it wasn’t all bad either.

It meant Lena would surreptitiously take her hand out of anxiety or a desire to provide comfort when driving past other cars. It meant when Lena’s always busy mind became bored, she’d invent new games to play as they drove along.

It meant huddling up together one particularly cold desert night.

It meant becoming very familiar with the song Lena hummed as she showered.

It meant learning to decipher Lena’s mood based on tuts, clicks of her tongue, breathy sighs, and the roughness of her voice when she would break the silence between them.

No, it wasn’t a bad life, being on the run with her best friend, the only person on this planet after Alex who’d ever made Kara feel at home.

It wasn’t a bad life, with money carefully hidden in the car, under the mats and inside the seat cushions, their every need anticipated and planned for, long into the future. Theoretically, they could stay on the run for years, evading Lex’s long reach.

It wouldn’t be a bad life, but to be fair, when your only goal was survival, having a good life (or really living at all) just wasn’t the point.

Kara chewed on her lip as she refueled the car, her eyes on the meter, her ears on the men coming out of the gas station.

They were laughing, clearly a bit drunk despite the time of day, one of the men complaining loudly as they walked towards their car.

“Costs me a fortune to feed that boy. Clothe him. Give him a place to sleep. And if she can leave him, why can’t I?”

Kara didn’t react. She finished refueling, paid, then slid into the driver’s seat, watching as the drunk men piled into their car and pulled away. Her grip on the steering wheel was tight, knuckles white. Just a tiny bit more pressure, just a little bit more of a squeeze, and she could shatter it in her hands.

“Is something wrong?” Lena asked, reaching out and brushing her hand over Kara’s shoulder, so careful, so tentative. “You seem upset.”

Kara turned to her, still chewing on her lip.“What do you think about getting a good night’s sleep tonight? I know a place we can go. It’ll be safe.”

Lena’s eyes roved over Kara’s face for a moment. “What did you hear?” she asked finally, gesturing with her head in the direction the men had driven off to.

“Just that they’re leaving and won’t be back for a few days.”

Lena eyed her skeptically, clearly knowing there was something else, something Kara wasn’t sharing, but she didn’t comment. “Okay. Okay, if it’s safe. We can both use the rest.”

Kara didn’t respond, but her grip on the steering wheel finally eased. She didn’t speak as she inserted the key in the ignition and started the car, pulling slowly out of the gas station and down the road.

And Lena let out a breathy sigh, the only indication of her displeasure at being kept in the dark, though belied by the slight quirk of her lips.

(And as they drove, windows down and hair billowing in the wind, Kara wondered if Lena felt the way she did:

An aching need to stop running, even for just a moment.)

The floorboards of the house creaked under them as they stepped inside, Lena immediately wrinkling her nose at the smell—something harsh, like paint, and underneath it, the sickly sweet smell of rotting flowers.

“No wonder those men were in such a hurry to leave,” Lena muttered, distaste coloring her features as they stepped further in the home. The floor was littered with empty beer cans and filthy clothes, the smell of rotting flowers growing stronger. “This place is disgusting. Who would live here?”

Kara didn’t respond, just kept walking towards one of the rooms in the very back of the house. She wondered, briefly, stupidly, how Lena couldn’t hear what she could: the sound of a little heart, pounding furiously away in an equally small chest, body and bones rattling in fear.

“Where are you going?” Lena asked, still following dutifully. “Kara?”

It was the sound of her name that made her pause, turn around, and smile. “I had to help him,” she explained in a whisper before dropping to her knees and gently pulling a closet door open, revealing the pale, dirty face of a little boy. “Hi,” Kara said softly, heart breaking as he pressed himself against the wall of the closet in an attempt to create distance between them, his legs tangled in rags that made up what must have been his bed. (And in the corner of the closet, flowers, long dead.) “Don’t be scared,” she continued, though she didn’t advance further. She stared at him, listened to the terrified pounding of his little heart, and she came to a decision. Without thinking about it for longer than a second, she reached up and let her hair out of its ponytail, then pulled off her glasses. “Do you recognize me? Do you know who I am?” she asked, ignoring Lena’s warning hand on her shoulder, silently urging her not to do this.

The boy pushed away from the wall, approaching Kara with more than a little hesitancy. But his eyes never left her face. “Supergirl?” he finally whispered in awe, mouth falling open just a little bit. “Are you really her? Are you really here?”

“Yeah,” she answered, holding out a hand. “Yeah, I’m here.”

He paused for a moment more, as if not entirely sure she was telling the truth, but then he rushed forward, allowing Kara to pull him into a hug. “You’re really her. You’re really here.”

She broke Alex’s rules and used her powers to speed through cleaning the home. Lena was in the kitchen with the boy, digging through the cabinets and the fridge to make him something to eat, eventually settling on soup that Kara heated with her laser vision, much to the little boy’s glee.

Much later, when the child was wrapped in blankets and letting out soft snores as he slept in the only bed in the house, Lena handed Kara a mug of tea and motioned for her to follow her outside. They sat on a rickety bench on the porch in silence, sipping their tea and taking in the cool night air, the miles of empty desert around them. And then:

“You didn’t tell me because you knew it was a bad idea. You knew we shouldn’t have come here.”

“I wasn’t going to abandon this kid.”

“You don’t know this kid,” Lena admonished, sounding tired. And in her tone, something else. Guilt, maybe. “I know what you’re thinking, Kara. But we can’t help him. Lex is still after us. Being on the run is no place for a kid.”

“But what we found him in is?” Kara asked, turning to look at Lena. She took their mugs and placed them on the ground at their feet, then grabbed Lena’s hand. “You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want to help him. I know you, Lena.”

“It would throw everything off. All our plans, the sacrifices we’ve made,” Lena said, pulling her hand out of Kara’s grasp.

Kara felt her back stiffen. “I know you’ve planned for a decade or more, but I can’t, Lena. I can’t live like this. I don’t want to look over my shoulder running from Lex forever. I just. Life has to be more. And this kid needs our help. We can’t use Lex as an excuse forever.”

This was very clearly the wrong thing to say.

“I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you. No one asked you to go on the run with me. It was your choice, if you remember.”

(It was.

But here was the thing, the thing that Kara wasn’t sure how to put into words: she would’ve made the same choice again and again. She would’ve given everything up for Lena a hundred times over.)

“Lena, you know that’s not what I meant,” Kara said softly, reaching for her hand again, grateful when Lena grabbed on tightly.

“We can’t stay here. We’ll have to drive through the day and night for a while,” she said after a long pause. “We’ll need to get him clothes. And you need to explain to him he can’t mention Supergirl ever again,” she added, narrowing her eyes at Kara.

Kara nodded quickly and, absolutely unable to help it, leaned over and pressed a kiss to Lena’s temple.

“Have I ever told you you’re my favorite?” she asked as she pulled away.

Lena just rolled her eyes, picking up their mugs and getting to her feet.. “After Alex, maybe,” she said with a grin, holding out a hand for Kara to help her up.

“That’s different. Alex is my sister. You’re…” Kara trailed off, not noticing the tremble in Lena’s hand, “you’re you.”

“Very eloquent, love,” Lena laughed, the endearment making Kara’s heart skip a beat. “To think you’re a journalist.”

They laughed as they put away the mugs and settled for a sleepless night on the lumpy couch in the living room, Lena’s head resting on Kara’s shoulder as she slowly dozed off.

And Kara sat there, breathing in the smell of Lena’s shampoo, half of her focus on the little boy’s gentle breathing in the next room, the other half of her focus on Alex’s heartbeat thousands of miles away, her thoughts on what it meant to be a family.

It was after several days of driving that they found a place Lena determined to be safe enough to rest.

The boy, who had yet to tell either Kara or Lena his name, ran ahead of them, heading straight for the small garden littered with colorful flowers.

“We shouldn’t stay here long,” Lena said as she grabbed one of their bags from the car, struggling a bit with its weight. “Have you been listening for him?”

Kara didn’t ask who him was. Either it was Lex or it was the boy’s unfit father, and regardless of who Lena was referring to, the answer was yes. Of course she’d been listening for him. “No news,” she confirmed, taking the bag from Lena, swinging it easily over her shoulder. “I have heard some odd frequencies lately though. Not sure what to make of it.”

Lena, who was smiling gratefully at Kara’s help, suddenly stopped, fear taking over her features. She pulled Kara to a halt by the wrist, eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t think—”

“—no,” Kara assured her, shifting the bag so that she could pull Lena into a loose, one-armed hug. “It’s similar to the frequency on Alex’s watch. I thought it was her way of signalling it’s safe but—”

“—but it seems more like a warning?”

Kara nodded, watching as the boy raced back towards them, a handful of flowers he’d pulled from the garden clutched in his fist. “A day or two,” Kara said in an undertone. ��Just to rest. Then we’ll move on to the next place.”

Lena didn’t respond, but her hands twisted into the fabric of Kara’s shirt, and she pressed her face against Kara’s shoulder, and Kara figured that was answer enough.

Their routine changed.

It was as if, in their determination to give the child everything they possibly could for as long as they could, the fear and dreariness of being on the run was replaced by laughter and joy.

Lena took them all on a shopping trip, letting the boy pick out bright colored clothes, even rolling her eyes and conceding when Kara got them all baseball caps.

Rather than stay at sketchy motels, Kara would constantly be on the listen for people going on vacation or on weekend getaways, feeling better about ‘borrowing’ the home by making sure the home was immaculate when they left, Lena purposely leaving behind a small stack of bills.

They ate whatever the boy wanted, from sugary snacks to cheesy burgers. There was always music, usually a bubbly pop song Kara liked and they found that the boy preferred, leading to impromptu dances in the kitchen—with one memorable time, which Kara rather thought was seared into the back of her eyelids, Lena making the boy laugh as she grabbed his hands, swinging his arms to and fro, shaking her hips in time with the music.

(And in the dark, long after the child was asleep, Kara and Lena would lay together, heads close, trying to calculate what resources they had left, how much more they could stretch it out, how much longer they could continue this way.

And every night, long after Lena had finally drifted off, her head nestled on Kara’s shoulder, Kara would close her eyes and listen to the ever-closer frequency she didn’t recognize, increasingly worried about what it could mean.)

Then Lena changed their routine again.

Every morning, as Kara would make them coffee, Lena would press a lingering kiss to the corner of her mouth. She had them play the games she’d invent on the spot, winking at Kara when the boy would win every single one. And at night, every night, rather than just fit her head in the juncture between Kara’s head and shoulder, she would tangle their legs, hold Kara’s hand, pressed so tightly against Kara that she could feel Lena’s heartbeat against her skin.

(And Rao, did Kara want to take one of those moments, freeze it in time, commit it to memory, wanting it etched into her heart, where she could carry it forever.

But mostly, mostly, all Kara wanted was to close those few inches between their lips and finally, finally, kiss her.)

One night, weeks after finding the boy, after he’d already been tucked in and reminded that the next morning they would have to move on to the next place, the next town, Lena played with Kara’s fingers as they lay in the dark, the little breathy sighs she let out every few moments warning enough that she had something serious on her mind.

So Kara shifted a little, pulling away so that they were facing each other, hands still intertwined. And she made it a little easier for Lena. “I can practically feel the gears turning in your head. Just tell me what you’re thinking.”

Lena didn’t respond right away. Instead, her eyes were fixed on Kara’s, and after a moment, she used her free hand to smooth over the scar above Kara’s eyebrow. “How do you do it?” she finally questioned, voice so soft that Kara wasn’t sure she’d even be audible without superhearing. “How are you so effortlessly good all the time?”

It wasn’t really what Kara was expecting (and if she was honest with herself, it wasn’t what she was hoping Lena was thinking about either). “What do you mean?”

“You came with me without a second thought. Then, with the boy, you didn’t even pause to help him. You knew he was in trouble, and that was all it took.” She closed her eyes, her brows furrowing, almost as if she was in pain. “But my first thought was how it would make things harder for us.”

“That’s not true,” Kara said easily, and without really thinking about it, she pulled Lena closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “You know it isn’t.”

“Do I?” Lena snarked back, but her heart wasn’t in it. She allowed Kara’s closeness, even going as far as burying her head under Kara’s chin.

With her hand that wasn’t still tightly in Lena’s grasp, Kara began to rub comforting circles on Lena’s back. “Your first thought was the danger he’d be in just because of us,” Kara reminded her gently, still rubbing her back. “Besides, I don’t know if you know, but you’re incredible.”

“Kara, be serious.”

“I am,” Kara laughed. “Being good...it’s easy. It’s the default setting. But you, you’re extraordinary. You were told your entire life that the opposite was true. That the only thing you could do was evil. And yet look at you. You did good anyway.” She paused, wanting Lena to soak in her words. “Do you see how amazing that is? Every single time you make a choice, you have to go through years of noise, years of interference, years of lies, and every time, you find your way through all that,” she tugged their joined hands up, pressing it against Lena’s chest, right over her heart, “to this. A good, kind heart.”

Lena pulled away suddenly, leaving Kara wondering if she’d said the wrong thing, but then she noticed the expression on Lena’s face, the blazing look in her eyes. “Do you really believe that?” she asked, voice barely a whisper.

“I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t have said it otherwise, gosh Lena, I—”

But Lena didn’t let her finish. Instead, she swung one leg over Kara, straddling her, and after waiting for Kara’s eager nod, finally, finally, kissed her.

(It was okay, Kara thought as Lena’s hands pinned hers to the bed, that Lena didn’t let her finish her sentence.

There was all the time in the world to tell Lena how much she loved her. For now, showing her would have to be enough.)

The frequency only Kara could hear, the one that worried her so, got closer every day, and so they stopped staying anywhere for more than a few hours.

It was hardest on the boy. He and Lena had especially grown close, falling asleep in the back of the car as Kara drove, chancing a look at them in the rearview mirror every now and then, feeling her heart swell with fondness. But Lena’s whispered concerns, about how he was faring, how he was feeling, felt more and more serious as the days dragged on.

Being on the run was no place for a kid.

“We could fight,” Kara suggested one night as they drove through the darkness, the child asleep in the back, clutching a toy Lena had bought him weeks ago. “Just wait for Lex to find us and fight.”

Lena tugged on Kara’s right hand, pulling it out of its vice-like grip on the steering wheel, then brought it to her lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “We went on the run because we couldn’t fight. Nothing’s changed.”

“Everything’s changed,” Kara said, turning to look at Lena. “What do you want to do?”

“We have a two day head start on Lex, right?” Lena confirmed. At Kara’s nod, she pressed another kiss to the back of Kara’s hands before releasing it. “We’ll find a place, spend one more night with him.” She motioned towards the child. “Then we’ll take him to the police station. CPS, I don’t know. Once he’s safe, we can wait for Lex.”

“No,” came a small voice from the back of the car. Kara watched the boy slowly sit up, toy clutched to his chest, meeting her gaze through the rearview mirror. “I’m staying with you. I want to be with you and Lena.”

(They tried to argue with him, tried to make him see reason, but Kara knew it was a lost cause. There was no convincing a boy who felt he’d found his family that he’d be better off or safer anywhere else.

Kara would know: she’d felt that way after landing on Earth, after Clark sent her away.)

So they made their last stand.

With Lena’s help, Kara found a fairly sturdy home, one that seemed to have been empty for some time, and they began to prepare.

Kara put her suit on for the first time in almost a year. Lena pulled out what she’d called her ‘emergency technology’ and the boy was secured in the house, letting Lena hug him to her as Kara sat nearby, her focus on everything beyond the walls of the house.

The frequency drew closer, the sound almost maddening in Kara’s ear. But there wasn’t much of Lex’s fanfare. No explosions, no gunfire. No whirring of new Lexosuits. There was nothing except for that sound in Kara’s ear and cars approaching.

“Kara?” Lena questioned, taking her hand and breaking her focus.

“He’s here.”

(She could hear it, cars and trucks coming to a halt, heavy footed people beginning to surround the house, the sound of their weapons in their hands loud in Kara’s ears.

And also, something else, something Kara hadn’t heard from this close in a long time.)

“Kara, I’m scared,” the boy said, looking to her, still gripping tightly to Lena.

“That’s okay,” Kara told him, brushing his hair back and then getting to her feet. “But you’ve got nothing to be scared about.”

“Kara—”

But she waved Lena’s concern off. “Trust me. We’re safe.”

One of the people surrounding the house broke down the door, making the boy hide his face in Lena’s stomach. Footsteps approached. A gun was raised. And then:

“Alex. You found us.”

The DEO was loud. Or maybe it was that the city was loud. After being in the middle of nowhere for so long, the sudden influx of noise was a little a little different.

Different, but nice.

“So, you broke all my rules, right?” Alex said as she followed Kara out on the balcony, standing next to her and leaning against the balustrade. “I said to keep a low profile, you kidnapped a kid. I said no powers, I find you in your suit.”

“I didn’t sing,” Kara said with a grin. Lena was still with the boy, holding his hand as he was checked over by doctors, happily sucking on a lollipop that Alex had offered him. “Your watch is broken, the frequency it lets off is wrong, I thought you were Lex for weeks.”

“I had a run in with an Aellon. I knew the watch was acting fritzy afterwards, but Brainy said any changes in the frequency would be ‘nearly imperceiptible.’” She grinned a little, bumping her shoulder against Kara’s. “So, while I was busy working with Brainy, Nia, J’onn, and Kelly to bring Lex down...you and Lena started dating and adopted a kid?”

Kara snorted, turning her head, watching as Lena and the boy (who were clearly done with all the tests) walked over to where she was standing with her sister.

“Pretty much,” she told Alex, marveling at finally having her entire family together again.

#I watched the video once #sooo I'm sorry in advance #supercorp #fanfic

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allyouneedisbuck · 3 years

Text

when my time comes around (lay me gently in the cold, dark earth)

summary -> bucky wasn’t perfect, but he was a good man.

words -> 1.4k

warnings -> MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, dealing with said death, religious themes, google translate russian (roughly translates to love of my life) spoiler he doesn’t come back to life

notes -> sometimes… when you’re stressed, you write angst. after this piece it will most likely be awhile as i focus on much longer pieces i desperately want to finish. title from work song by hozier….love of my life…. hozier if ur out there im free everyday for u

— ➶ —

It’s like cold has washed over you permanently. Which, well, which is a sick sense of irony when you think too hard about it.

He was here one minute and gone the next. Bucky was here, laughing by your side and pulling you close to press kisses against your cheeks one day and the next you were falling to your knees with Sam’s arms trying to hold you up.

How could he just leave? Just die?

It’s like ghosts are phasing through you over and over and over again. Flashes of cold mixed with burns that leave your skin tingling.

How could Bucky leave you?

“Promise me.” You whisper into the night. Bucky’s hand is intertwined with yours. So tight you think you may lose circulation but you don’t care. “You and me. Forever.”

“I promise.” Bucky’s knuckle grazes your cheekbone. You lean into his touch. “Nothing is keeping me from coming home to you, my love.”

Did a promise count as kept if he came home in a casket?

His funeral is on a Friday in the middle of fall. Leaves are brown, orange, red and scattered across the grass you walk across. They crunch under each step, you grimace every-time. Sam’s hand is intertwined with yours, Sarah and her boys trailing behind you two.

You don’t listen to what anyone says. All you can think of is Bucky not being the one by your side.

“Bucky’s fiancée is going to say a few words.” You think it’s odd that you’ve gotten a priest. Bucky had been through so much, what person comes out the other side believing in a just God who put them through hell? “Please.” He steps aside, your train of thought cut short.

“What do you think happens when you die?” Bucky asks so quietly you almost don’t hear him. “Do you… Do you believe on heaven?”

You turn to look at him with furrowed brows. “Do you?”

“I don’t know.” He won’t look at you. Bucky’s eyes are stuck to your ceiling fan as his fingers tap anxiously against his stomach. “Even if I did, I don’t think I’d be there.”

It’s a small crowd. You supposes that’s not surprising. Those who knew Bucky before Hydra were dead, Steve was gone. T’Challa is here though. Shuri too. Grim looks on their faces as they come to stand beside Sam while you step forward to make your speech.

You open your mouth, but no words come out. The speech you’ve written is held so tightly in between your fingers that it rips. You flinch at the sound a jarring reminder that Bucky had always been the one to unravel your tightly wound fists when the stress became too much. That he would no longer be able to do so.

Who would now?

Your eyes trail over the casket, an American flag draped over it, and you laugh. A hysterical fit of laughter that has people looking around uncomfortably.

“How does a man live through one of the worst wars the world has even seen just to…” You trail off. Tears are burning in your eyes and you can’t care enough to force them back. “Bucky Barnes was a good man. He wanted to right his wrongs in the world.”

You crumple the pre-written speech up entirely. “He wasn’t perfect. He… He never made his side of the bed. He always left his shoes lying around for me to trip on. Then laughed about it,” you smile grimly at the memory.

“Bucky!” You groan as you cradle your knee close to your chest. You can feel the throbbing pain of what no doubt will be a gigantic bruise across you knee cap.

He looks over his shoulder from the couch to stare at where you’ve fallen in the entry hallway. You glare as amusement dances in his eyes. “Yes, любовь всей моей жизни?”

“Don’t try and sweet talk me.” You can’t stop the smile as you climb to your feet. “It won’t work. How many times have I told you to put your shoes away? I didn’t build the shoe rack for nothing.”

Bucky laughs brightly. He walks over to you with a big smile that you know will kill your anger within minutes. “Brat.” Your murmur as his arms wrap around you.

You glance down at your feet. “He didn’t believe in separating colors so our laundry always had color bleeds.” You swallow thickly. “He broke promises. He… He was supposed to come home. He promised to come home.” Your voice is choked up and tears stream down your cheeks.

“But he was good.” You force out. “He once asked me if I believed in heaven or hell and I… I still don’t know the answer,” you glance at the priest, who just looks at you with pity, “but I do know Bucky was good to his core and whatever there is after death, he’s in a good place. I hope you all find comfort in that.”

As you step back into Sam’s space, soldiers step forward. It had been Sam’s idea to give him a veteran’s honor funeral.

You can’t say thank you when they hand over the folded flag because your legs give out underneath you. It’s like the flag being placed in your hands made it all official.

You crash to the ground, the leaves screech underneath your knees and the wet grass soaks through your black clothing but nothing matters. Not when Bucky was being lowered six feet into the ground and you were still waiting for it all to be a joke.

“Breathe.” Sam says softly as he kneels down beside you. It’s impossible though, all that comes out are choked breaths and sniffles as you clutch the flag close to your chest. “You’re okay. Breathe.” He tries again, rubbing a hand up and down your back.

“Marry me.” Bucky blurts. It’s three in the morning and you should both be asleep, but it was hard when each episode ended on a cliff hanger. You laugh, and Bucky shakes his head with a smile. “I’m serious, marry me.”

Your heart nearly stops. “W…What?”

“I was going to,” Bucky rummages through his nightstand drawer as he speaks, “do this later. At dinner or the park, but this… This feels right - ah hah! - So, marry me?”

He turns to you with a ring in hand. Your mouth falls open in shock while he grins smugly.

“любовь всей моей жизни.” Bucky murmurs when you don’t respond right away. There are small ticks of nervousness, the way he vibranium fingers clench and unclench or the small smile that overtakes his smug grin. “Marry me?”

Like you would ever say no.

You visit all the time. Your therapist says however you want to grieve is okay. Nobody can judge you, but you can sense visiting him everyday doesn’t help you move on. Could you ever really move on though? Bucky was a piece of you, a part that you would never get back.

“I miss you everyday.” You whisper. “Not a day goes by that I don’t wake up and for a brief second look for you then realize…” You fiddle with the ring still on your left hand. “I’m doing better though. I… I’m working again. Sam and I go out to dinner once a week. I’m trying. I know you would’ve wanted me to try, so that’s what I’m doing.”

“I love you.” You say softly. “любовь всей моей жизни.”

You stand hastily wiping the tears off of your cheek, the metal now glaringly absent from your hand.

All that’s left of Bucky Barnes is a headstone surrounded by flowers, a flag and a diamond ring.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Here Lies James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ Sergeant 107th

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎WWII

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Prisoner of War

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Beloved son, brother, friend and partner.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Not perfect, but good.

— ➶ —

notes -> this is bad i’m just bleh. i forgot how rough school and work was because i was lucky enough to not have to work last semester. have a safe week 💗

#james bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #tw death

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coexiising · 3 years

Text

angel of small death & the codeine scene - anakin skywalker

SUMMARY ◆ anakin is just so fucking enamored by you that he can’t take it holding back from professing it anymore. porn with a plot lol.

WARNING(S) ◆ smut, lowkey public sex but not rly, y’all just fuck in his ship in the hangar, dirty talk, unedited

WORDS ◆ 2.5k

NOTE ◆ this is based off of the song ‘angel of small death & the codeine scene’ by hozier so yeah listen to that if you desire but i can’t stop you if u don’t. this is really short lol im just indulging

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“YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE HAVING TROUBLE WITH YOUR SHIP?” YOU ASKED THE GENERAL, WALKING UP THE RAMP. it was later in the day, and just as you were going to call it a day and settle down for the night, you got a call on your comms asking for you to come down to the hangar. that was where the commander told you that they were experiencing some problems with general skywalker’s ship and sent you to do your job.

you hadn’t been working in tech for super long, still young enough to make a real job out of it. but you joined the side of the republic in the war because you didn’t want to see democracy die, and if you could play a small part in that, that was good enough for you.

there was a clank of something mechanical from the main control center and no response to your question, prompting you to walk towards the noise to find out if the general was making the problem worse. the second you came within a few feet of him, he jumped and turned around to face you, wrench in his hand. “maker, you scared me,” he stated.

a small grin made it’s way onto your face. “aren’t you supposed to be able to sense things coming up behind you?”

generally, you wouldn’t be talking that way to a general of the republic. but anakin was different, more close to your age and really didn’t care all that much for titles or respective ranks. you could see it with the way he treated the soldiers with as much respect he would give to someone like general kenobi or general windu.

anakin laughed, stepping out of the way to let you see what he was attempting to do. you saw all these wires popping out of place, and one of the pipes completely busted out of its socket. how the hell had he managed to do this? you turned back to face him and cocked your head to the side, motioning at the carnage and saying, “how did this even happen?”

you allowed your eyes to only look into his blue ones, because you knew the second you let them do what they wanted, you would look over him like he was a meal. and to your defense, anakin was incredibly hot. there was no denying it. but he was a jedi, and a general, and to the most of your knowledge nothing was ever going to happen.

he cleared his throat. “just a . . . just a mishap that’s all, look, can you fix it or not?”

“yeah, it shouldn’t take too long,” you replied, setting down your bag filled with tools and beginning to work. and then hopefully you would finally be done for the day and could get some much needed rest.

“alright, i’ll be back in just a moment,” anakin told you, his hand coming to your waist for just a moment to push past you. you knew that it was just something that he did absentmindedly, but it sent a shock through your body, making your brain hotwire for just a moment. but as soon as it was there, it was gone and you were alone in his ship.

anakin knew that he was a reckless person. it was evident to anyone that most of the time he did what he wanted, not taking into account any of the possible consequences afterwards. you would think that being a jedi wouldn’t keep that much room for error, since sometimes the weight of the galaxy sat on his shoulders, but there were times where he felt himself breaking away from the jedi code. and that happened the second he saw you.

he knew that it was wrong to lust over some mechanic that he only saw from afar most days, but you were just so goddamn beautiful he couldn’t help himself. anakin admired the way that you carried yourself, confidently in anything that you did, the way that your hair framed your face every day, and the face you made when you were concentrating.

at first it just started off as a passing thought, just a brief ‘oh, she’s hot’ instinct that everyone had once in a while, but now he knew that he wanted you. and anakin was planning on just letting the feeling run its course until it was sucessfully gone, but the second you walked into his ship, he could feel the want practically jumping off of you.

he had to have you, especially now since he knew the feeling was mutual. there was just the tricky task of initiating something.

you puffed out a small breath, biting the inside of your cheek as your fingers carefully patched wires together. it was getting later and still no sign of anakin again. weird, you thought to yourself, but not so unlikely. it’s not like you needed him to complete your job anyways. you went back to work, wondering what could have possibly happened to general skywalker.

it seems that devising a plan to get your attention was harder than the man wanted to admit, because he had been standing next to the ramp for almost ten minutes now since he had left for a quick daily briefing. he was probably looking like an idiot just standing there. to hell with it. he would just improvise. like he did most things.

“you finished yet?” you heard anakin ask from behind you. you shook your head in response, taking a moment to look at him.

“your power converters are basically fried,” you told anakin, your cheeks flaring up at the way he was looking down at you. sure, there had always been a slight height difference between the two of you, but you were crouching down right level with his hips. you bit your lip and immediately got back to work, pretending like you weren’t just thinking about giving him a blowjob right then and there.

the problem was that anakin knew exactly what you were thinking and that smirk came onto his face, leaning against the wall closest to you and watching you work. your face flared up, feeling his eyes trail on you. “do you have to watch me while i’m working?” you asked him in a hushed tone, as if you weren’t trying to ask him that indirectly.

“am i making you nervous?”

your stomach dropped, you were so flustered by him that the cable almost slipped out of your hands onto the floor. luckily you were quick to conceal it and you hoped that anakin didn’t notice. but he did, he was watching your every move, seeing how long it took before you broke. “no, general skywalker, you are not making me nervous, just tired that’s all,” you said, not daring to look at him.

though, the next thing anakin asked caught you off guard.

“when are you just going to admit you want me?”

you would be lying if you said your knees didn’t feel like giving out right then and there. anakin said it in a deep voice, like he was teasing you for your attraction towards him. your mouth felt dry, like someone was stuffing cotton balls right down your throat. there wasn’t anything you thought you could say to try and defend yourself.

instead you stood up and crossed your arms, looking into those eyes to decifer what he was thinking. anakin was looking right back at you with those magnificent eyes of yours, yet there was a hint of something else there. he was being mischevious and you knew it, toying around with you all because he could feel the feelings you were giving off. “fine, general, i do feel something towards you, but what does that have to do with anything?” you said, deciding to take the high ground.

it was like a lightbulb went off in his head, and before you knew it he was walking up to you, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer. woah. this was not the reaction that you thought you were going to get. honestly, you thought that he would kick you out and order for someone else to come fix his ship. this was definitely not that.

“I asked you,” he started, one of his hands coming up along your back to your neck. you shivered and leaned into his touch. “because i want you too.” both of you were staring into each other’s eyes, almost daring each other to make the first move.

and that’s all it took before you were leaning in, hesitating for just one second more as your nose brushed against his own. there was still time for you to compose yourself and walk away, leave your desires there and forget this ever happened.

to hell with it. you wanted him and he was looking at you like you put stars in the sky. the stupid jedi code would just have to be pushed aside for the moment, because you were closing the gap between both of you and kissing him, body intermingling with his own.

it was a mesh of your gasps from his roaming hands and his groans from your own hands tangling and tugging on those curls of his that were just begging to be ran through. you could’ve sworn anakin tasted like berries and he kissed with so much want and need that it was almost hard to keep up with him. but you did nonetheless, wanting as much as he was willing to give you. these types of things only happened in your wildest dreams.

your back was soon pressed against the wall that he was once leaning on, one hand on your waist and the other sitting comfortably on your neck to keep you close to him. the air was hot and heavy surrounding both of you and you pressed your body against him, signaling that you needed him right now.

anakin pulled away, cheeks red from lack of air. “the guards come to check the hangar every 2200 hours,” he told you, forehead pressing against your own. you looked at the clock behind him and saw that it was almost that time, and that you had at least fifteen minutes maybe less if the guards decided to come a few minutes early.

you were quick to think, your eyes landing on the chair near the controls. he seemed to hear your thoughts, pressing a kiss against your lips before bringing you over there by your hands. you pushed him down onto his seat, pulling down your pants just enough and watching as he pulled himself out of his pants.

of course anakin skywalker was packing.

you swore that if you could take your time with him, you would already be on your knees for him. oh well, there would just have to be a next time.

“hurry,” anakin said to you, helping you up onto him so you were straddling him, your knees on either side of his sitting body on the chair. you put your hands against his shoulders for support and once you were ready, you sunk down onto him and your eyes rolled to the back of your head. he filled you up just right and it was better than you could ever imagine. anakin panted below you, head bowing down to nip at the exposed parts of your neck.

the second the pain began to subside, you experimentally moved your hips forward, feeling a wave of pleasure course through your entire body. it almost stopped you from moving, which was not good for the time constraint. just as you were about to begin again, anakin grabbed your hips forcefully and lifted you up slightly, biceps flexing as his hips raised to meet your own.

you couldn’t stop yourself from making noise while he continued with this fast pace in the same way, mouth wide open and hands shaking as they tried to keep their hold on him. you were hot all over, every time he pushed into you it felt like he was splitting you open so deliciously. the noise being made by both of you incredibly lewd, though it was on neither of your minds.

you always thought that anakin looked so good after battle, when there was still sweat on his brow and his hair was all messy. he looked like that now, except you were the person messing up his hair and making him sweat, and that made your heart swoon. you wanted to kiss him and now there was nothing stopping you. your lips attached to his in a hungry kiss, tongue slipping right into his mouth and prodding against his own. everything was hot, sloppy, and messy and you didn’t care.

“you look so hot like this,” anakin told you against your lips, pulling back and watching your face as he pounded into you. and he wasn’t lying, it was one of the best things he’s ever seen in his life. he made sure that he would remember this moment so he could replay it in his mind over and over again. “if i would’ve known you’d take me this good i would’ve done something sooner.”

you couldn’t respond to him with words, only moans that came from deep in your throat. you weren’t going to last much longer, not when every time his hips hit your own it rubbed against your clit for just a short moment. you tried to help him with the movement, circling your hips and feeling the release creep up on you before you could compose yourself.

“anakin,” you moaned out as you hit that much needed orgasm, looking right into his eyes as you fell apart. you were so sensitive that you whined against his neck where your head now laid, making use of your lips by kissing along his tanned neck.

a few more thrusts and he was there, cumming right inside of you and making you hum in contentment. the two of you caught your breath against one another, his hand coming to rub against your back in a way that was surprisingly really loving. you moved your head so you were facing him and he leaned in to give you one last kiss, pushing away the hair that had fallen into your eyes.

a new voice in the hangar made you jump, realizing that the cloned guards were here. both of you scrambled to get up, helping each other dress and look at least a little presentable. your legs were shaking with every step and you heard anakin laugh a little from behind you, making you hit his shoulder jokingly. the footsteps came closer and soon enough one of the commanders was looking at the two of you. for good measure, you picked up your bag of supplies.

“general skywalker, you’re out here late,” the guard said, giving a look at you. “is everything alright?”

“yes,” anakin responded. “the mechanic here was just finishing up work on my ship.”

as soon as the guards stepped away, you gave him a look. “you know i didn’t even finish repairments, right?”

anakin shrugged, a grin on his face. “i guess you’ll just have to come back tomorrow then, same time?”

“sure thing, general.”

#anakin skywalker #anakin skywalker smut #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin smut #star wars #star wars prequels #star wars fanfiction #star wars x reader #star wars smut #anakin skywalker x you

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cassianstattoo · 3 years

Text

HAPPY ACOSF RELEASE DAY!

(ACOSF SPOILERS AHEAD) ARE YOU EXCITED?

I personally am. It’s time for Nesta’s story (and not just hers) to be told. So, this leads to another thing I think (and hope) you’ve been waiting for.

LET’S EXPLAIN THE PLAYLIST! (Read every song’s meaning while or after reading the book) And thank you for all your love and support.

“Alone” by Melancholia: It describes the Cauldron scene at the beginning of the book. In this song you can feel the rage and how hard she’s struggling. This song is not about weakness. It’s about her strength.

“Impossible” by James Arthur: Chapter 1. Even if it’s not so clear in this chapter, I think this song represents how Cassian feels when Nesta’s around. He feels worthless and not so different from the other men she beds (as he thought in ACOFAS). He lost his hope of an happy future with the woman he loves and he feels like he’s breaking that last promise she made her. Everything just seems so impossible.

“Sister” by The Black Keys: Chapter 2. This just makes me think of Feyre and Nesta’s fight. It’s from Feyre’s pov.

“New House” by Toro y Moi: “I want a brand new house Something I can not buy, something I can afford I just want a long shower I been feeling so crowded” Chapter 3. It’s about Nesta settling down in the House of Wind. It’s not the place she feels she can call “home”. First of all, it’s not really hers. The last two sentences of this verse are about her breathing and trying to calm herself at the end of the chapter. She’s just tired.

“My Mother & I” by Lucy Dacus: Chapter 4. The whole song is about Nesta and the relationship with her mother when she was a child. I think there’s nothing else to say. Also, in the 1st Chapter it says that she’s born in spring, so the song talks about a girl who was born in May. It all fits.

“Teacher’s Pet” by Melanie Martinez”: “Teacher’s pet If I’m so special, why am I secret? Yeah, why the fuck is that? Do you regret The things we shared that I’ll never forget? Well, do you? Tell me that I know I’m young, but my mind is well beyond my years I knew this wouldn’t last, but fuck you, don’t you leave me here” Chapter 5 and 6. Nesta and Cassian’s first day of training together. She basically doesn’t want to act like she’s his pet and she’s got to do whatever he want just to respect her sister’s will.

“Dangerous Man” by Valley Of Wolves: “They say I’m a wanted man Holding line and break the fire I’m setting all the captives free But I’m hanging by a wire” Chapter 7. It’s about Eris and his double-cross. That’s how probably Cassian pictures Eris in his mind tbh.

“Control” by Halsey: Chapter 8. Nesta facing the stairs. It can be linked to other chapters too because if you take this song as a whole and not just a few verses, it really contains A LOT of things. For example, the line “The House was awake”. Also Chapter 9, when people start calling their children. You can find this moment in the song when it says “All the kids cried out ‘please stop, you’re scaring me”.

“Bookstore Girl” by Charlie Burg: Chapter 9. The bookstore girl is Gwyn and Nesta tries to know more about her.

“Wrong Direction” by Hailee Steinfeld: “I don’t hate you” Chapter 12. This song is about the chapter’s ending.

“You’ve Got a Friend In Me” by Cavetown: Chapter 13. Nesta and Gwyn’s interaction. Also, Nesta helping her.

“like that” by Bea Miller: Chapter 16. Nesta and Cassian’s tension is hilarious, but this song makes me thing about this scene so much.

“Queen” by Shawn Mendes: Chapter 17. Elain fighting with Nesta. This lyrics is so powerful. The first part is Elain talking to Nesta. The second part is Nesta talking to Elain.

“You’ll Follow Me Down” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 17. Same scene. This is totally Nesta. She’s so scared of herself and of the world that surrounds her. She’s afraid to lose her sister in this world she still knows nothing about if not violence. She wants Elain by her side, even if it means dragging her down with her.

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapters 18/19. I like to call it “THE chapter”. Do you need me to explain why I chose this song? Um, I don’t think so. You know it.

“Only You” by Ellie Goulding: “Baby I’m on my knees” Chapter 22. He’s... returning the favor.

“Revolution” by Diplo, Faustix, Imanos, Kai: Chapter 24. Our girl Nesta knows what she’s doing. What she’s starting.

“Best Friend for Hire” by Anthony Amorim: Chapter 25. The whole song is about Nesta and Emerie’s interaction. Everytime I listen to it I can’t help but cry.

“Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue)” by Hozier: Chapter 26. Nesta’s worried about Cassian and gives him relief.

“Rise Up” by Andra Day: Chapters 27/28. These three girls are going to rise up, bitches.

“Nina Cried Power” by Hozier, Mavie Staples: Chapter 29. This song is really powerful, just like Nesta. She always is, but in this chapter we learn HOW MUCH.

“Fix Me Now” by Garbage: “Bring me back to life (fix me now) Kiss me blind” Chapter 31. THAT scene. HE HEATED UP THE WHOLE ROOM Y’ALL. Cassian literally kissed her back to life.

“Ready or Not” by Fugees: Chapters 34/35/36. I can’t choose only one quote from this song. But can you hear its vibes? Nesta’s leading a dead army. This is THE power.

“PILLOWTALK” by ZAYN: Chapter 37. *wink* This song says everything.

“Go Fuck Yourself” by Two Feet: Always chapter 37. I couldn’t choose just one song, you know. Also, lowkey Chapter 38.

“Never Again” by Breaking Benjamin: “Never again, never again Time will ot take the life from me” Chapter 38′s ending. All I can say is: NEVER AGAIN.

“Boy In The Bubble” by Alec Benjamin: Not linked to just one chapter. It makes me thing of Azriel a lot.

“Past Lives” by BØRNS: “I've got the strangest feeling This isn't our first time around Past lives couldn't ever come between us Some time the dreamers finally wake up Don't wake me I'm not dreaming“ Chapter 39. Gwyn and Azriel. Well, these lines are about them, but I think the rest of the song represents Elain and Azriel, too. I don’t know if you feel the same.

“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day: THIS IS AZRIEL’S SONG. YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

“Watch Me While I Bloom” by Hayley Williams: Chapter 41. Nesta teaching Cassian how to treat a woman. She’s got big dick energy ayeee

“R U Mine?” by Arctic Monkeys: Still chapter 41. Cassian taking control of the situation. This song just screams “dominant” lmao.

“Walls Could Talk” by Halsey: So Halsey once said “The House was awake” (Control). What if those Walls Could Talk? Like, poor thing. It could have a mental breakdown. This song is dedicated to the House of Wind ‘cause it needs respect. It’s alive. Just imagine how’d you feel watching non-stop those two fucking and fighting. Also Azriel, you’re loved.

“Despicable” by grandson: “If I were you I wouldn’t love me neither” Chapter 43. Tamlin deserves a song, too.

“Part Of Me” by Katy Perry: Chapters 45/46. It’s all SO chaotic. This song means a lot of things. They all lied to her, but this song is particularly about Nesta and Amren’s fight. In my opinion, she did the right think telling Feyre the truth ‘cause she deserved to know, but it just wasn’t the right time and space.

“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Andy Grammer: Chapter 47. Cassian’s going to take care of Nesta. She made a mistake but she knows here better than anyone. He won’t give up on her.

“There You Are” by ZAYN: Chapter 50. Cassian comforts Nesta when she finally explodes. He’s there for her with open arms.

“You Found Me” by The Fray: Still Chapter 50. This chapter was so hard to read and this is another song that can describe it best.

“Locked Out Of Heaven” by Bruno Mars: Chapter 51. Illyrian bat boys just love flat objects. I see.

“Thin White Lies” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 51. Yeah, still thinking about that desk.

“Chosen Family” by Rina Sawayama: Still Chapter 51. This song is wholly dedicated to Nesta’s new found family. Not only Gwyn and Emerie, but also Cassian.

“Library Magic” by The Head And The Heart: Chapter 52. Listen to this song and read the scene at the beginning of the chapter.

“Battle Cry” by Imagine Dragons: Chapter 54. I know it’s weird but I feel this song talks about Lanthys and Nesta’s fight.

“Hurt” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 55. Nesta takes Cassian to the place she lived with her family in the mortal lands. It’s dirty and broken now but it’s still there. Nes talks about her father and realizes how much he’s done for her and her sisters.

“Story Of Another Us” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 56. I know this sounds like a sad song but to me it represents Gwyn’s present. The story of their past (of another “them”) and also their present.

“Drama Club” by Melanie Martinez: Chapter 57. Eris vibes, y’all. I know you can feel them. Everytime I listen to this song I can’t help but thinking of him. So the only thing I can tell you is: listen carefully.

“Genius” by Sia, Diplo, Labrinth: Chapter 57. Hear this song. It just makes me think of a ballroom where two people try to talk to other people and they’re avoiding to make eye contact. And they fail (yeah, those people are Cassian and Nesta btw)

“Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish: Chapter 57. Still about Eris, but also Cassian. They can’t stand each other. So imagine the astronomical energy (inside of this bus lmfao) when Nesta comes in between.

“All About Us” by He Is We, Owl City: Chapter 57. Nessian dancing.

“Rock Bottom” by Hailee Steinfeld ft. DNCE: Chapter 58. This song is SO accurate. This is the moment I realized “That’s it. I think I can die happy now” and then I started crying. Nesta just thinking she’s not enough and she deserves to be with someone as ugly as she thinks she is. Cassian is like “shut the hell up, woman” and yeah. That’s the kind of energy and conversation I was waiting for.

“Stop Crying Your Heart Out” by Oasis: Chapter 58. Their life becomes brighter. They have to stop crying their heart out because of their fears and the emotions they keep trying to hide. They need to feel free and express all the love they can give to each other.

“Fade Into You” by Nashville Cast, Sam Palladio, Clare Bowen: Chapter 58. Finally the truth comes out and everything becomes real. Even if the song is pretty sad, the lyrics is just SO accurate and it describes the scene perfectly.

“I Miss You” by Adele: Chapter 59. Basically Nesta feeling needy ‘cause she doesn’t see Cassian for days, but it’s more than that. Pay attention to the depth of the song. It shakes you. And that’s what Nesta feels when she thinks of Nesta.

“Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 59/61. I want to dedicate it to my favorite girls in this book: Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn. They’ve been through a lot but they also learnt to face their fears. And they realized that unity is strength.

“Smile” by Uncle Kracker: Chapter 62. Cassian’s sooo happy to be with Nesta it breaks my heart. And his own too.

“Broken Pieces” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 62. Aaand here we go again. Cassian just wants Nesta to give him the chance to be happy with her.

“Carried Away” by H.E.R.: Chapter 62. Nesta thinks they got too carried away and now they’re at a point of no return. She opened herself to him too much. It’s not like she regrets this but she understands that now everything’s too real and changing. She doesn’t feel ready.

"What’s Up?” by 4 Non Blondes: Ending of Chapter 63. Okay, I’ll make you laugh but this is me after reading it. I needed to put a song about how I felt when I read this freaking ending, after all the devastation Chapter 62 brought into my heart. And the fact that Nesta’s 25 and the first line begins with “25 years”... I DIED. Also I think of her just screaming to the word “WHAT’S GOING ON?!”.

“Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves” by Eurythmics ft. Aretha Franklin: Chapters 64/65/66. DO I NEED TO DESCRIBE IT? NAH, I DON’T THINK SO. THESE GIRLS ARE POWERFUL, STRONG AND SMART AS HELL.

“Run The World (Girls)” by Beyoncé Chapters 67/68/69/70. The girls want to win and they’re going to conquer everything with no mercy.

“Puppets” by Depeche Mode: Chapter 71. Eris impotence t is heartbreaking.

“Warriors” by Imagine Dragons: This song is for every character. It’s about Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn, but also Cassian, Azriel and Eris. They’re fighting different battles and they’re doing it with every ounce of power they have.

“Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco: Chapter 74. Nesta kicking Briallyn’s ass.

“Survivor” by Destiny’s Child: This song is dedicated to Emerie and Gwyn. They spent all their lives learning how to survive. At the end, they finally won.

“Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele: THE Nessian Anthem. I put this here ‘cause FINALLY they’re endgame. But something bad’s about to happen...

“Cancer” by My Chemical Romance: Chapter 76. This chapter’s been the hardest one to face. I had to put the book down for a minute and breathe. I know this song made you panic and ow you know why I chose it. I can’t stop crying thinking about Feyre in those conditions and all the IC and her sisters surrounding her. I’m still so heartbroken.

“You Saved Me” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 77. Nesta cares about Feyre. She’s her little sister and she just can’t let her die like that. She gave her a happy ending even if Nes had to lose almost every ounce of power she had and learned to accept. But they’re worthless in comparison with her sisters life. She just loves them both. She’d do anything for them and this scene proves it.

“Lean on Me” by Bill Withers: This song is about friendship and sisterhood. Nesta’s relationship with Gwyn and Emerie, but also with Feyre and Elain (and lowkey Rhys). Also, I dedicate it to little Nyx, too. They all love you, babyboy, and would do anything for you. Welcome to this chaotic world, kid!

“Sorry” by Halsey: Chapter 78. These are not explicit apologies. Nesta doesn’t need to say “sorry” vocally. She already demonstrated it. Her actions speak louder than words and her sister know it. This song is not about a “romantic lover” but a “person who loves” and they all love too much and strongly.

“Amazing” by Aerosmith: WE FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT. This is the happy ending they deserve (but the cliffhanger is killing me tbh). It’s about everyone in this book. I put it in the playlist ‘cause at first I thought it could refer to Azriel and Cassian. But the more i listened to it, the more I realized it just describes every single character.

“The Reason” by Hoobastank↓

“this is me trying” by Taylor Swift: Both the songs refer to Chapter 80. Nesta visiting her father’s grave is one of the first steps to finally go on. The songs represent what she really wants to tell her father. He’s the reason to start over. And she’s trying. Even if she made mistakes she’s ready to fight for the happiness and love she denied herself years and now she knows she deserves it.

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