#even my nightmares
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No
#I’m fucking struggling#I don’t know wtf is wrong with me#I can’t even do the bare minimum#I’m doing good to bathe my BODY#wtf is wrong w me😭😭😭#I have so much anxiety about it#even my nightmares#they’re about my mom#and cleaning#and then I wake up to it still being destroyed#PTSD can suck it
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
--
no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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Dpxdc AU: consultant groups can be used to outsource problems for companies so why not monarchies?
Danny is listening to the various eyeballs and ghosts chatter on about all the issues that he now has to oversee and advise and make so many freaking decisions on. It’s annoying that it all has to come down to his call because he was a dumb 14 year old who didn’t want his town to permanently live in the ghost zone.
Now 17, King of the Infinite, and a bit wiser to the world, Danny is doing his best to balance his teenage ambitions to not give a shit and his protective obsession to very much give a shit.
Sams parents are making her learn the family business and Tucker is trying to make this internship he’s got with a fancy tech company out of New Jersey into a career without college… so while they’re commiserating with Danny the idea comes up.
Earth has a shit ton of heroes. Like, ever since the Justice League *poofed* the GIW out of existence with the Meta human acts- more and more caped crusaders seemed to be coming out of the wood work. More villains too but still, more people who seemed wise to their abilities and morals. Danny has literally never taken an ethics class.
But rn, Eye-mothy and Eye-Bert are arguing over how Danny as King Phantom is supposed to tackle the problem of some fucking pool acting as a weird trade route with a cult and… ugh it’s just so boring but like also such a fucking problem. But… maybe it can be someone else’s issue.
Opening a portal, Danny escapes into space and gets to work finding the base of operations- Tucker had told him there was a new satellite after all and there’s no way it wasn’t connected to the hero orgs- and boom he flies into the Watchtower.
“Hey- are any of you guys willing to consult on some weird pools of ectoplasm in Pakistan? Green and glowing little lakes of bullshit and magic?” Danny asks into the meeting room of the JL regardless of their startled and alarmed exclamations.
“… I could consult on that.” A voice comes from the corner, and Danny recognizes him as one of the bat people. Or bird? The guy is in a lot of red and clearly wasn’t supposed to be in this meeting based on the way he’s propped in the corner. The room erupts in protest but Danny barely hears them through his excitement and focus on the dude.
“Great! I’ll have him back before the end of the day! Lets go Bird boy!” And with that, Danny grabbed the Bird, chucked them both through a portal back into his thrown room and begins to explain the way these eyeballs are totally trying to trap him into doing more work than he needs to do.
“What do I call you by the way? I’m Danny but you’ll probably hear them call me King Phantom.”
“I go by Red Robin, and honestly, I’ve been trying to get this shit taken care of for years.”
From there Tim becomes a regular consultant for King Phantom- the Bat Family is losing their minds with him constantly going to the land of the dead but also Constantine said not to piss off the king at all costs.
Danny is just thrilled that this dude has a shit ton of insight as well as business sense- like he could legit run the monarchy way better than him despite the fact that they’re the same age.
They end up working together for years, and even when there’s not an active issue at hand, Danny will meet up with the bird just to talk.
Sam and Tucker think they’re hilarious each time they ask if Danny’s proposed yet.
Tim has already planned their wedding but all of that information is in a folder more secured than the nuclear codes- Danny needs to ask him on a date first.
#dcxdp#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#danny phantom#Tim drake#dead tired#dc crossover#dp crossover#ehehehehe#also him just grabbing any random hero to help on any issue their power set might help to advise#danny outsourcing his issues is my favorite headcanon#boy wants to be helpful but also like is begging to just have one lazy Sunday#Tim drake is like ‘why would I not help run a monarchy in my spare time from running a Fortune 500 company and being a vigilante?’#tim drake is a menace#he’s what the eyeballs have nightmares about and they didn’t even think they could have nightmares
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Every time I think about the Tree of Feelings I can't help but be a little underwhelmed at how the most popular depictions of it is just. the tree. on a hill. surrounded by miles of nothing but grass and maybe a few houses in the distance.
Yeah, no thanks. I'll just go with my own interpretation on this one
#dreamtale#utmv#undertale au#dryeart#my art#fanart#not that it's bad#but for a sacred tree that needs constant protection...#that damn tree can be spotted from miles away#with no natural barriers#like. come on.#something like a forest or valley would make so much more sense. hell even a mountain would work better#and idk maybe even have a magical forest surrounding and also acting as a barrier for the important magical tree#instead of just. relying solely on a couple of prepubescent children#dream sans#nightmare sans#they're the little silhouettes under the tree it fucking counts#digital art#digital painting#environment art#concept art
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sqh has two god powers. accidentally changing the world by saying something, and any time he's more stressed than he can physically take anymore he pulls a bocchi scream. glitch effect and all. "Shang-shixiong, why don't you meet with other sect leaders? What do you think, sect leader?" "Oh yes, our trade and intersect reputation could benefit greatly from- SHANG SHIDI?????" nightmare fuel situation. he acts 100% fine when they say he doesnt have to, like it never happened.
IM ACTUALLY SO OBSESSED WITH THE IDEA HE'S DOING A BOCCHI SCREAM WHEN HE'S TOO OVERWHELMED OR DOESNT WANT TO DO STUFF ANON THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME
He's just a little tired, nothing like an all-powerful god screeching to inhuman levels that beings can't comprehend
#svsss#shang qinghua#god shang qinghua#anon imagine him doing this scream during court when a demon is threatening his king but hes WAY#to tired to even think and just kinda screeches like this and mobei is#head over heels#like he already was in love but that was hot#everyone in the court room is having nightmares#can other demons do that? no. but his husband can. absolute best.#not sure what to tag this as like as horror?#horror#tw horror#just in case#nib text#ask#my art#nibbelraz
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Something I miss from earlier eras of the creative side of the internet was things just being unabashedly low-budget. Just all unashamedly amateur, unprofessional, ‘I don’t own a good camera but I have a story to tell you’, ‘I can’t afford a good mic but I have a song to sing for you,’ ‘I don’t have any kind of background in editing or lighting and I only just picked up this guitar last Tuesday but here’s an entire musical me and my friends wrote about our favourite book, we filmed it on a potato and put it up on YouTube in ten minute segments because we thought it was pretty funny.’
#everything felt so much less like Content then#and as someone who wants to share creative stuff online#it’s now incredibly daunting thinking about doing that bc#especially as a disabled person who can’t work full time#it feels almost impossible to extricate art from being Content#like there’s this immense pressure to produce things that could pass as professionally produced by a team of educated people#and to make smart decisions so that somehow eventually you can profit off your art#and instead of it being a ‘hey look at my silly little song’ it becomes#competing in an over saturated market already dominated by the nepotism afforded by wealth and connections#and it feels like it would very difficult not to measure my personal satisfaction with how a certain piece of art turned out#by how much attention it got online#even though I genuinely have zero desire to be famous and it sounds like a complete nightmare#anyway I’m gonna have ice cream for dinner how about you guys#hmp42
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happy- wait… what day is it again?
prints and stickers up! shop now<3
#im kidding i could never forget my son’s birthday even if vecna obliterated my entire family or whatever#happy birthday will byers#nightmare on elm street#will byers#byler#stranger things#byler fanart#stranger things fanart#will byers fanart#fanart#stranger things 5#st5 spoilers#stranger things poster
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warmup draws w my fave jocks
#fantasy high#fhsy#out here taking selfies in the nightmare forest as one does#dimension 20#my art#i like to think that the hangman occasionally gets dropped off with gorgug for tuneups sometimes and they spend half of it like#sitting on the couch or playing fetch#even when hangman is in motorcycle mode#because fetch is just fun fabian i don’t get what’s confusing to you about this
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Not too long ago I saw people talking about Mariah playing Ethan and I had to draw her (plus it was an excuse to draw Joey Ethan as well :) ).
#I love love love them#Ethan green is such a good character#and let me tell you I just about went insane when I saw a Joey playing him for the first time#joeys just so pretty sometimes#and don’t even get me started on Mariah#beautiful people those two#Ethan green#mariah rose faith#joey richter#nightmare time#yellow jacket nmt#black friday#hatchetfield#starkid#team starkid#my art#:)
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But I'm not so strong,
...And they're not gone
#Five Nighs at Freddy's#fnaf#fnaf 4#fnaf crying child#fredbear#fnaf foxy#fnaf bonnie#fnaf chica#fnaf nightmare#fnaf freddy#plushtrap#MSPaint Draw#fanart#in a turn absolutely NO ONE saw coming: Five Nights at Freddy's#and it's not even bc of the movie#but bc ytube decided to put the Living Tombstone songs from 9yrs ago into my recs with absolutely zero prompting#and they're FIRE of course so now I'm in Deep#just the speed at which me n juls went 0 to 80 on it is entirely ridiculous#personally upsetting
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i haven’t finished the show yet but they totally are gay and run away together and live happily ever after right? guys ? right? guys?
#s1 Morgwen#morgwen#this is my third time posting this but also my last bc I’m done tweaking it#it had some major contrast issues as well as the fact that they weren’t even looking each other in the eye before#Merlin bbc#Merlin#Morgana#guinevere#morgana x gwen#Morgana pendragon#morgana le fay#Merlin fanart#merlin bbc fanart#merlin art#morgwen art#lesbians#procreate#digital art#fanart#queen guinevere#artists on tumblr#lord why didn’t Gwen say she was loyal to Morgana and mean it#Morgana they could never make me hate u#Morgana stop trying to kill or ruin Gwen’s life ur gay for her okay#when she woke up from a nightmare of Gwen being married to Arthur i almost audibly laughed#Morgana u big homo#I’m gonna draw Gwen in one of her pretty purple/pink dresses but i wanted to do specifically season 1 and I don’t remember her wearing any
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Kitchen Nightmares, S5 E1
#kitchen nightmares#kn lb#do i even have to explain why i dropped everything to capture this moment#you don't understand her smile makes me fucking insane#slowly unfurling like when the fucking grinch he realized he was gonna steal christmas#the staff on kn ARE NEVER FUCKING AROUND#especially when their bosses are shitty like. oh my god#it's the best part of this show hands down lol#love when the staff get tired of being nice#also im so glad i got that EXACT last frame it really really encapsulates the energy
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HAPPY NIGHTMARE NIGHT!!! let's not forget who this holiday REALLY belongs to >:)c
#my art#fanart#mlp#my little pony#nightmare moon#princess luna#nightmare night#ponytober#ponytober 2023#this was for day 9 but i didnt post these on tumblr#ill be posting my october art backlog on here !!!#might even post some more today hmm. ill see
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and so the bloodbath begins... good luck in the event everyone! enjoy some white day trio \o/
#project sekai#pjsekai#mizuki akiyama#tsukasa tenma#my art#not tagging akito just bc... he's a lil chibi guy#he's a chibi here bc i would like to draw him with the new touya card and also#drawing these outfits even this simply was a nightmare aha#i want to pull for these cards but gyaaaah i'm savinggggg
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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This is sad but unfortunately I think this is just going to be the norm for the next few years as streaming services die a slow death.
HBO Max should in theory be able to make money from a show that was at one point the top new series in the US. At the time, David Jenkins said "This is what happens when a major media company invests in inclusive mainstream stories" (agree!) but unfortunately that major media company, like all streaming services, has a terrible business model that can't support that investment.
This is an interesting article about how streaming services are losing money and scrambling to make it back by trying to convince people to buy cheaper, ad-supported options or bundling with other streaming services. Unfortunately for them, I think that's like... all of the options? At some point they're just going to continue to lose money. Making shows is expensive and very few consumers are willing to pay more when they could just cancel and use a cheaper service (or, you know. 🏴☠️)
This is also a good article that was written after Shadow and Bone was cancelled by Netflix about whether it could be saved:
"The problem is that while saving shows used to be plausible, at times, the cost of Shadow and Bone combined with the fact that streaming services are really, really starting to cut back on spending means that this would be an extremely tough sell. WB Discovery’s Max is being lambasted for killing finished projects for tax breaks to chip into its massive debt. Disney Plus has done the same thing and has said they will cut back on things like expensive Marvel shows. Amazon Prime is mired in expensive creator deals going nowhere and throwing insane amounts of money at projects they are realizing are not panning out. Paramount Plus losing $500 million a year. NBC’s Peacock is losing $650 million a quarter."
TLDR; Streaming services have reached such a dire point financially that they have to cancel some of their most popular content (Marvel shows on Disney+???? These have seemingly been very successful; it's wild to read that they're "cutting back") in the desperate hope that a new season of something that's cheaper to make will get more attention.
What I gathered from these articles is that steaming services are dying a slow death and sadly, a lot of good shows are going to go with them.
#as a teacher i'm Very Familiar With Budget Cuts and listen#when they start doing stuff that doesn't even make logical sense you know it's bad#this is the point where they're pointing at chairs in the break room being like 'do we really need that'#streaming was a terrible business model in the first place#subscriber services are pyramid schemes no i will not elaborate#mine#our flag means death#ofmd#rip in peace#where else can i watch con o'neill tho#him saying 'ooh daddy' haunts my nightmares i want to watch all of his content
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