your blorbo was abandoned by his father mine was abandoned by god we are not the same

Ya'll want to know the funniest shit?

I'm researching the era when Alastor was alive right now to get a better idea of both his character, the life he lived before Hell, and to hash out a backstory for him.

And so, apparently, Alastor lived through the Prohibition (which was basically the United States government illegalizing the manufacture, transportation, and sale of alcohol because they thought it was the cause of a lot of domestic violence and child abandonment).

Alastor canonically died in 1933.

Do you know how long the Prohibition lasted?

From 1920-1933.

ALASTOR LITERALLY DIED THE SAME YEAR ALCOHOL BECAME LEGAL AGAIN. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW BITTER HE MUST'VE BEEN?

The Prohibition officially ended on December 5, 1933, and now my headcanon is that Alastor died December 6, 1933. Literally the day after he could legally drink all the booze he wanted.

I am learning a LOT about New Orleans and the era Alastor lived through (including the gay community in the city at the time) which has been a lot of fun, and I just wanted to share that tidbit because it is so fucking funny to me.

it fills me with such righteous anger thinking about harrow going to The Mithraeum and seeing God indulge in all of the things she has been deprived of/deprived herself of all her life- in order to worship HIM. seeing him and the other lyctors have feasts while even tea is too flavorful for her. seeing them have gross old people orgies while she had probably never been hugged in her entire life before Gideon. seeing them do jackshit all day while she did nothing but pray and study. telling her she is but a baby- despite the fact that she has experienced the worst of horrors(at the hands of the religion they created) and posseses more necromantic power than all of them. her fellow saints taking advantage of her schizophrenia for their own agendas, and never giving her the time of day otherwise, not even pity when she is lying on the ground with her gut ripped open and innards strewn about. god saying she is like a daughter to him- and her throwing herself down onto broken glass because she is so overcome by guilt at the idea of being a daughter- of being given anything, of having anything, of having love or affection, of being something to somebody, of existing- and god having the audacity to say such a thing after failing to raise her. god not understanding her, god's lack of omnipresence, the saint's lack of kindness or holiness of any capacity. harrow, having grown up in nothing but dark black halls and clothes- and The Mithraeum being nothing but pearly white. harrow, who dedicated her life to an empty religion and a god who does not care and is not qualified. harrow, who only had ONE thing(Gideon) that ever made her happy, and having that one thing taken away from her by this god. so much avoidable grief and abuse forced onto her. and the fact that she has been forced to continue this cycle of grief and abuse as well by having had continuously hurt her only friend and being turned into a lyctor against her will. harrow begging god to ask the saint of duty to stop trying to brutally murder her, and god telling her to get a hobby? devastating. truly the most tragic character of all time

youre chilling in camp and they are just sitting there. silent. you are now trapped forever

This came to me in a dream??

Gareth notices first and as soon as Gareth has a thought he has to share it.

They’re at Hellfire (now hosted in Mike Wheeler’s armpit of a basement) having just finished a long combat when Eddie declares it time for a break and without any further preamble dashes up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and calling dibs on the main bathroom. 

The others are taking a bit longer to get to their break. They all stand like they’re in some kind of synchronised swimming competition and all reach up in unison to crack the various bones that need to, heaving out groans and mumbles about shitty chairs. 

“So,” Gareth says as he rubs his fingers in his eyes. “Eddie has a crush.” 

Jeff collapses back in his chair to burry his face in folded arms with a groan. “I can’t do this again, Gare-Bear.”

Gareth wrinkles his nose at the nickname, and mentally curses his mom for using it around his friends. They’ve never been able to let it go. 

“Wait, what?” Dustin asks. His head is bouncing between Gareth, Jeff, and Grant, eyes tracking over their faces to see if they’re just trying to fuck with him. As if Eddie’s love life wasn’t already tragic enough without the added fun of trying to bother some kids with it.

Grant nodded sagely. “Unfortunately, it only gets worse from here.” 

Mike, who had been half way towards the stairs, now joins in. “What gets worse? He’s being normal Eddie, or like, as normal as Eddie can get.” 

Gareth shares a long look with his bandmates, all seemingly coming to the same conclusion. These kids were here to stay, that much had become clear after the Spring Break/Eddie in a coma Saga, so they could be let in on a few Eddie secrets, not the big one, never the big one until Eddie told them. These were more secrets about Eddie that Eddie was completely unknowledgeable about. 

“You remember the bartender at The Three Brothers we spoke to to find out about the curse?” Gareth says, somehow becoming the voice for the older members of Hellfire. “Did you notice the way Eddie described him?”

“He talked a lot about his hair?” Will offered quietly. He was new to Hellfire so Gareth didn’t really know him, but just from the way Will played his cleric, he could tell that he was a damn sight more observant than his friends. 

“Exactly!” Gareth pointed. “That is Clue 1 in the ‘Eddie Munson Has a Crush’ textbook. He gets so hung up on that one thing that he likes the most about who he’s crushing on, get ready to hear a lot about the NPC’s hair. Clue 2 is that when he comes thundering down those stairs in a minute and realises we haven’t actually done anything with our break, he won’t be shitty about us taking extra time. He just gets nice outta nowehere.”

“Eddie always hates when he has to wait for us though!” 

Jeff finally pulled his head up from his arms. “Just watch, and it’s the one good thing that’s going to come from this crush, so make the most of it.” 

The four boys all gave each other looks that seemed to be conveying a whole conversation. They seemed to come to the same conclusion just as Eddie, as Jeff predicted, thundered down the stairs, skipping the last one so he could jump to the floor and theatrically clap his hands. 

“Who’s ready to get fucked up by what I have planned next?” He asked, not even noticing the way the rest of the boys hadn’t moved from their places stretching next to the table. 

“Sorry man. I still gotta go to the bathroom,” Lucas quickly said before Dustin could start grilling Eddie about his crush. 

Eddie shrugged with a smile. “No worries, Sinclair. You gotta go when you gotta go, right?” 

This was particularly offensive to Mike, who when he first joined Hellfire had been forced to squirm in his seat for over an hour while Eddie threatened to kill his PC off if Mike left the table to use the bathroom. He turned his gobsmacked expression to Gareth who could only raise his eyebrows in a kind of ‘told you so’ gesture. 

Lucas, to his credit, didn’t let on that he was also gobsmacked and rushed up the stairs. Will and Mike followed him quickly, stumbling out an excuse about getting more drinks. Eddie being amenable was seemingly still too new to let them make the most of it, the Corroded Coffin boys had at least been through this three notable times before.

“Get me a coke while you’re up there, please?” Eddie called out after them. He kicked up his feet to rest on the edge of the table, crossed at the ankles and rocked back onto the back two legs of his chair. He turned to the Corroded Coffin boys. “I’ve been thinking about arranging this song, not our usual style but I think it could sound totally metal if I did it right.” 

“What song?” Jeff asked carefully. 

Grant caught Dustin’s eye and mouthed ‘Clue 3′. Dustin nodded as if he were mentally taking notes, which if Gareth knew anything about the kid, he probably was. He took to the puzzles Eddie laid out for them with more gusto than anyone else. 

Eddie closed his eyes and brought his hands up in front of him as if he were tenderly cradling his warlock. His fingers worked over imaginary frets. “Dancing in the Dark. Springsteen.” 

“That’s Steve’s favourite song,” Dustin blurted out, clamping his hand over his mouth when Eddie’s fingers paused in the air. 

A slow smile spread over his face. “Is it?”

Gareth turned to his best friends to see the expression he wore mirrored two times over. 

Holy shit. 

Eddie was crushing on Steve Harrington. 

(part 2)

Imagine the batfamily playing dnd on patrol:

Barbara: So you try to open the door and it’s locked.

Jason: I kick open the door

Barbara: Roll me a strength check

Jason: …

Jason: FUCK

Barbara: The door…. kicks you back

—————

Barbara: Ok, Tim I need you to roll initiative

Tim: Wait… some goons just—

Steph: Roll the initiative, Tim.

Dick: Yeah, roll the initiative.

All, chanting: Roll the initiative!

Tim: Ok, fine.

Tim, to the goons: Wait a second, guys.

*rolls d20, gets a nat20.

The goons: Ooooooooh

Tim: So that’s 26

The goons and the batfamily: OOOOOOOOH!

—————

Bruce: I open the chest.

Alfred: Batman, I don’t think you should do that.

Duke: Yeah I detected something suspicious about it.

Bruce: I open the chest.

Barbara: The chest opens its jaws. It’s a mimic.

Duke: Wow, who would’ve guessed.

Alfred: Delightful.

*deep, long sigh over comms.

—————

And last but not least:

Dick: Damian, for the love of everything holy, please do not kill the mayor.

Cassandra: kill him.

Dick: No, No. Do not.

Damian: I go to his house.

Cassandra: I follow.

Dick: No—

*Radio silence as Barbara talks to them separately.

*Cassandra and Damian giggling

Barbara: They—the mayor regrets his life choices and moves out into the countryside. He leaves you the house.

*giggling intensifies

the shadow monster

mind flayer will is an absolute most for season 5

here’s my take!

clear ver:

Things that Whumper Can Do to an Undead/Immortal Whumpee

Induce a heart attack, as many times as they please

Induce a stroke

Induce a seizure

Electrocute them

(Depending on the rules of the immortality) Remove, electrocute, or cut into the brain, creating effects similar to an extremely bad drug trip

Drain their entire body of blood

Waterboarding (also potentially in blood)

Encase them completely in concrete, immobilized and unable to breathe

Embed a sharp object inside them, which stabs them continuously from the inside out

Embed a sharp object inside them, which stabs them continuously from the inside out, but sexually

Play the long game with their connections, getting them attached to someone for whole years or decades before forcing them to kill that person

Play the long game with their hope, giving them some form of freedom for whole years or decades only to rip it away again

Play with their memories by falsifying historical documents and gaslighting them that they're starting to forget details from early on their long immortal life

Indefinite starvation

Indefinite sleep deprivation

Indefinite solitary confinement

Cut off limbs (they'll grow back)

Blind them

Cut out their tongue

Cut off that one special limb

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND I NEED TO BUY THE CD I NEED TO HOLD IT IN MY HANDS I NEED IT

gonna post this fic later tonight (hopefully) after I finished editing the beast and decided to post a little sneak peek because why not! This is for @codywanfirstkissbingo for the prompt drunk kiss lol

“Is everything alright over there?” Obi-Wan asked as he pulled his blankets back up to cover his bare chest. He decided to pretend he didn’t hear the chorus of disappointed awh’s on the other end of the call. “No,” Fox said, somehow managing to pack years of contempt in that single word. “Your Marshall Commander got too drunk, because he refused to admit when he has had too much to drink. And so he—” Fox was cut off by Cody then, who shouted, “That is not true! Lies and slander, vod! Lies and slander indeed!” It was clear to Obi-Wan that Cody was incredibly drunk, not only by the way he was slurring his words, but by how loudly he was speaking. To his credit, Fox continued on as if Cody wasn’t even there. “He threw up on my carpet, General. If you do not come to collect him, I will dispose of him myself.” Obi-Wan had to try his hardest to keep in his laughter. Poor Fox, he seemed like he was very done with his little brother’s antics. “You don’t love me at all,” Cody whined. “That’s true, we all hate you,” another voice, who Obi-Wan assumed had to be Bly, cut in. “Sir,” Fox said. “Evac. Please.”

God's a Fool