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sup4l3e · 3 years

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I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

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histeetharenotsoft · 4 years

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honestly i have no idea how i’m supposed to make it to ep 165

because 162 killed me, like 3 times

spoilers below the cut!

ITS GERRY!!!!!! MR KEAY I MISS YOU

but this is the first time we’ve actually Heard him, not secondhand or with spooky ghost echo, just as a normal voice on a tape. and i just want to hug him so much because ohhhh boy he has no idea what’s going to happen and also i am love him

“do i get to hear them?” “perhaps. if you live long enough.” shut up gertrude shut the fuck up don’t just mention gerry dying so casually its Rude

hmmm i might write a fic where jon, sasha and gerry are somehow all the archivist because I Can Do What I Want

ooo here we have more fire in the archives foreshadowing

did. did gerry’s chair scrape when gertrude raised her voice. like he flinched. someone hug this man

and then his voice goes all quiet when gertrude is lecturing him and Mary Keay Can Catch These Hands

“you are occasionally useful despite your foolishness” wowwww gertrude. what glowing praise. don’t just say that to his face come onnnn

but “useful” though. “useful”. i know we already know gertrude is an ‘ends justify means’ type character but goddamn if that isn’t just a perfect description of her relationships with people: categorised by their use to her plans and nothing more

“the network of sinister tunnels that snake beneath the archive” gertrude definitely knows about the tunnels lets be real. she’s just protecting jurgen leitner stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner goddamn fool book collecting dust eating rat old bastard shithead idiot avatar of the whore

what i wouldn’t give for gerry to have canonically beaten up jurgen leitner more than once. that’s going in my triple archivist fic

“what happens if we fail” oh. oh no. oh no whats gertrude going to say

“i suspect death puts us beyond their power” hmmm. seems like a fair point but i feel like the end would come up with some fuckery because this universe is a bastard and doesn’t let anyone get the rest they deserve. this isn’t really important to the plot (at least I Hope Not) but the thought of eldritch fear gods being able to reach us after death... chills

“[actual death] is preferable to lingering in a world they control” oh no that’s not good for jon to hear

“they might even stop death entirely.” hmmm. HMMMMMM

“and taxes?” “taxes i imagine will continue” hell yeah jonny get his ass (’him’ being capitalism). also i know the coronavirus lockdown isnt exactly an apocalypse caused by eldritch fear gods forcing themselves through into our world, but considering the shit thats been going on? yeah i imagine taxes would continue

“could it be undone?” “no, i don’t think so” oh no. oh no jon. jon nooo. he’s just playing it over and over and god he must be feeling so guilty and helpless. he also gets a hug. and another. and then three more. then one more but it lasts for like an hour before i have to phase back into my own dimension

TIM AND SASHA i’m still not prepared to hear their voices i love they

sasha is so competent she’s incredible and i am in awe of her

hell yeah tim is drinking his respect woman juice

“jimmy magma. joany magnum? jack magnet” asjdfhakjfhakjhfk tim you’re the best

“what if we kill him” Fuck Off Jonny You Can’t Do That

SADHJA WAS GOIJNG YO QUIKT I AM SJDFHKJLASLKFDJGKSDJHF

holy fuck we got canon timsasha. also “you’re not the love interest”??? sasha was a lesbian. source: me, also a lesbian. who can Do What She Wants

“you might be the character they drop after the pilot” sasha no dont say that!!!! as the character who was dropped after the pilot (ok season not episode but still) i have determined that is Illegal. and yes i know sasha was killed off for entirely valid reasons and not just dropped but shhhh i am hurting

“i dont have anything keeping me here” oh sasha. oh you sweet summer child. i wish that was the case. i really do

oh hey sasha knew about tim’s brother? martin told tim about his CV? THE S1 ARCHIVE STAFF WERE FRIENDS AND I MISS THEM A LOT BECAUSE GODDAMMIT THE S3/4 STAFF DIDN’T FOUND-FAMILY LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO

“no such thing as the real you”? “it’s all just masks”??? jonny stop stop im already dead you dont need to kill me again

(god i fucking hate that i get the stanislavsky bit. i only did drama gcse but the exam was terrible because none of the exam board’s practice questions were even anywhere close so no one was prepared and i spent so long revising all these pointless notes on how to answer the difficult questions and i regret it So Much and any reminder of that fucking bullshit exam i had to do Fills Me With Rage

“if you get eaten alive by improperly filed statements, me and martin will avenge you... we’ll burn this place to the ground.” god i am in pain. not only do we have more archives arson foreshadowing but we also have this line that hits like a punch in the gut because they didn’t avenge sasha, did they?

“i find it highly unlikely this sasha ever even existed at all” “i’m unforgettable” shut up shut the fuck up is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED???? because it fucking shouldnt be. it’s murder jonny time lads!!!

is. is jon crying. oh no

and then he gets fucking posessed by the cabin?? i love how the format of the statements has changed its very interesting

The One You Love The One You Love The One You Love

jonmartin are so in love that even eldritch fear cabins can’t not see it. jonny really said “you can read their relationship as platonic... but i am going to do my goddamn best to make that hard for you” huh

and fuck, this statement. it’s so creepy and i love how we cant distinguish which entity it is, because does it even matter any more? the list of 14 was a human creation anywhere, i think the ‘different parts of a body’ metaphor l*itner used is makes more sense now. it doesn’t matter which part of the body is attacking you, it matters that you’re being attacked in the first place so figuring out which part it is isn’t really a priority any more

but i think it’s mostly stranger and spiral? i also get very vague corruption vibes from the description of the planks because “they are warmer, softer and more yielding than the timber they present”? ugghhhh. corruption has often been associated with this kind of ‘wrong’ warmth (think jon amherst) and it also brings to mind that episode where the guy nails meat all over his walls and the rot makes the statement giver’s ceiling collapse. but then there’s the lonely there too, because yes jonmartin have each other but jon says it himself: “it will not let you feel the warmth of joy this love may claim to gift”. just try tell me the concept of being unable to find happiness in love isn’t Lonely, even if it’s not entirely true

but yeah basically i love the merging of entities present in this creepy statement

“our tomb” huh. the pov changes here, it’s gone from talking about jon in second person, to talking as jon in first person. so if jon wasn’t possessed by SpOoKy CaBiN like i thought (because if he was, why would he suddenly switch like this? it doesnt make sense)... then what was making that statement? my instinct is to say it was The Archivist or rather, The Archives talking about jon but like a separate personality, which... yikes

“[this will be] my chrysalis. it is time that i emerge.” monster jon? monster jon. this line gave me chills because damnnnn i love me some good eldritch!jon

“i wanted to leave and hunt down elias” hell yeah jon go and brutal pipe murder that bastard its what you deserve

martin has packed bags already and he brought tea and i love him so muchhhhh

and jon’s smile is AUDIBLE he loves martin so much my tiny heart can’t handle it

“we got this.” “apparently so 😍 “ just tell me you can’t hear the heart eyes in jon’s voice. oh wait. you cant

LET MARTIN BURN SOMETHING ITS WHAT HE DESERVES

“we can’t fight the world, martin” “says you” afkjhasfkjhadkjghdakjghakdgf

to summarise:

get ready for me to type out the same summary for all 40 episodes because jesus fucking christ. jonny’s writing never fails to make me Feel All The Emotions at once. i give this one a spooky sentient cabin out of 10

#tma s5 #tma episode 162 #tma spoilers #my s5 rambles

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studyingismyphenotype · 4 years

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Hey guys little vent time

I feel underrated.. fr

Like my GCSEs do NOT reflect my efforts or my knowledge. I was not accepted into chemistry yet apparently a lot of people doing both chemistry and biology find biology to be really difficult, which sucks for me considering I find biology completely understandable and borderline easy. Not to mention I technically count as an at risk student.

It. Sucks. Ass

I dont want to be that kind of cocky person but I know I am better than my GCSEs and I have proven myself with my current grades in tests and such. I love science and I am so commited to it and it is a shame that because I was one grade lower in maths than I was supposed to be I didnt get to do a subject that I find interesting and enjoy. It upsets me.

I dont regret doing Environmental Science, I love it and it is so helpful for my aspirations as a zoologist but the fact that chemistry just looked at my maths grade and said no is disappointing at the sheer lack of hope they have in some students. Oh a statistic tells you that students who got a grade lower than expected? Fooey. I know I am doing better than stats. I know it.

Anyways rant over, I am doing some active recall for organelles and I wouldve posted my plasma membrane diagram but its super messy lol.

#study #study motivation #study notes #studyblr #studying #studyspo #alevel #alevels #biology #bioblr #college #sixthform #student

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malewifekane · 5 years

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rules: answer 22 questions and then tag 22 people

thank you @kierantripps for the tag!!!

nicknames: matty, matt, and matt the twat (my sisters v nice to me x)

height: 5'2 and 5'4 with my insoles in bc im insecure 🤠

last movie i saw: i was feelin a little nostalgic so i made myself some top quality aldi microwave popcorn and threw on james and the giant peach fjdfhsgsh

last thing i googled: 'why does bleach make me sneeze' bc i was cleaning the kitchen and had a massive fit until i couldn't feel my nose anymore xx

favourite musician: changes allll the time but atm? probably the marías bc they remind me of sitting on a balcony on a warm day in spain and watching the people on the beach :'))

song stuck in my head: exit music (for a film) by radiohead bc im rewatching the umbrella academy with my sister bc im on my easter holidays and fuck revising for gcses 🤪

other blogs?: used to have an 'aesthetic' blog but i couldnt be arsed to keep up with it so i deleted it press f to pay respects

following: 88 blogs and i love every single one of u xx

followers: 194 😎 sorry lads cant handle this fame off to la to become a child star and inevitably fall into a life of deep self regret xx

amount of asks: i like to answer every one i get bc i hate having a messy inbox but there's one i got years ago that i just??? dont know how to answer but ave never got down to deleting it so its always been there

lucky number: 25 bc its half of 50 and thats half of 100

what are you wearing?: my sexy third kid shirt with kanes name and number on the back w/ some camo leggings and cute socks of penguins jumping off an iceberg with them saying splash :)

dream job: wanna be an artist or something arty like a fashion designer or a creative director. dont really see myself doing anything else really yikes

dream trip: wanna go to canada to meet my friend ive known for almost 4 years now and also to seoul to get a bunch of tats done and tokyo during cherry blossom season :'))

favourite food: anyone who can make me a thai green curry can automatically get it tbh

instruments: i can play the guitar, piano, violin and ive finally figured out how to blow into a flute without fainting from the lack of oxygen xx

languages: fluent in english, turkish, i know some spanish and im learning latin (not a tory i swear)

favourite song: right now its probably ruthless by the marías

random fact: my favourite thing to tell people is that snails!!!! have best friends and they get lonely when they're separated from eachother so when you spot two snails close together dont move one of them away bc that might be their ride or die

aesthetic: cups of tea with 4 spoonfuls of sugar and way too much milk in them, karaoke nights at a pub with the same people singing the same songs every friday night, playing minecraft at 2 am in peaceful mode with a thick hoodie on, retro arcades that eat up all of your money, drinking cans of gin on the rooftop of a hotel, golden hour in the back of an old car with barely any room to move your legs

right lads dont think im actually gonna hit 22 people but we'll see how far i get 🤝🏼

@eriksensational @king-kane @king-kante @king-dele @onlycostfivemil @nolifeoftheparty @nogirl @ninetyminutesofsuffering @niguezsaul @thegameisaboutglory @sendinthehuskies @oliolir @category-5-harry-kane @glowinghendo @deleealli @lovesomehate plus anyone else who thinks theyd have fun doing this (v sorry if ive tagged you and u dont wanna do it xx)

#that was definitely not 22 people #that was fun i love being self indulgent #sorry for my rambling on ur tls xx

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lap-of-the-gods · 5 years

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30 question challenge!

Rules:

- Tag the person who tagged you

- Answer the questions tag 20 people

tagged by the gorgeous @rogersautomolove, thank you my darling ❤️

How tall are you? 5′3

What colour and style is your hair? Dark brown and wavy (literally cocker spaniel Deaky with a longer fringe)

What colour are your eyes? Brown

Do you wear glasses? Yep, ur girl is blind. if it’s more than 25cm away from my face it doesn’t exist

Do you wear braces? fun fact i have never worn braces, i have a little crooked tooth which i think is cute so i decided against them

What’s your fashion sense? its either really on trend fashion blogger or deranged 3 year old and there is no in between

Full name? Elizabeth (unspecified middle name which i hate more than life itself and surname which i’ve always been teased for)

Where were you born? about an hour’s drive from where i currently live

Where are you from and where do you live now? brighton (aka the lgbt capital of the uk, south east england), i now live about 35/40 minutes drive from there

What school do you go to? i’ve not gone to school for close to 3 years now

What kind of student are/were you? i was okay i guess, not a teachers pet but i never really caused any trouble

Do you like school? i love learning but always hated school. i’m dyslexic and they never really did anything to help me so i really struggled

Favourite school subjects? DRAMA i’ve since realised that my gcse and a level drama classes were the only place i’ve genuinely felt 100% happy and at peace w myself. i loved those lessons so much

Favourite tv shows? the good place, call the midwife, brooklyn 99, parks and recreation

Favourite movie? obviously bohemian rhapsody, the princess bride, the empire strikes back, captain america the first avenger, stardust

Favourite books? les miserables, jane eyre, birdbox (yes, that birdbox), i am malala, the song of achilles

Favourite pastime? reading, writing, procrastinating writing, supporting my siblings 100%, sleeping?

Do you have any regrets? doesn’t everyone?

Dream job? i’d love to be a stylist or a makeup artist or something like that

Would you ever like to be married? i’m definitely the type to either never get married or know someone for a week and be like YES and get married immediately

Would you like to have kids? i’ve not really thought about it. i guess if i meet someone who makes me want a family then who knows? but i hate hospitals and needles and thinking ab pushing a child out makes me feel funny so maybe not?

How many? like 1 i guess? but maybe i’ll just get a dog

Do you like shopping? you do not love clothes as much as i do and NOT enjoy shopping

What countries have you visited? France, Spain, Germany, Italy, Crete, Qatar, Egypt, Sri Lanka, America (do Ibiza and Mallorca count as separate from Spain? probably not)

Scariest nightmare? i had a nightmare about 4 years ago that i got possessed and i woke up completely unable to breathe, that was probably the most scared i’ve ever been by a dream. another one a few months ago was like a lucid dream within a not lucid dream? i realised i was dreaming so i tried to fly (and did for like 2 seconds) and then i woke up but i wasn’t awake? and there was this thing sitting in a chair in my room (i dont have a chair in my room) and it didn’t have eyes but it was watching me. and then i woke up for real.

Any enemies? not enemies per say but i will go out of my way to avoid all contact with anybody who says they need a gun in their lives. you dont, end of.

Do you have a significant other? lol no

Do you get along with your family? for the most part, as long as we don’t talk politics or religion or anything like that

Do you believe in miracles? not in the traditional sense. i agree that things happen that science cannot explain but i don’t agree that they’re a divine intervention

How are you? i am surviving i suppose

idk about 20 people but i’ll tag as many as i can think of? @spring-blisss @rogerina-owns-me @preciousbarakat @smells-like-ugh @killerqueen-gunpowdergelatine @frcddiesmercury @rogerfxckingtaylor @butqueenthough @thesevenseasofnublar @fortuneboldlyfavors @24karat-gold

(you’ve all probably already done this but if you havent then feel free) x

#tag game #rogersautomolove #ab me #lol shut up elizabeth

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eirxair · 4 months

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DO NOT AND I MEAN DO NOT !!!

pick two languages for gcses please, i am regretting it, you WILL regret it!!!

my english is going out the window (always was tbh) i speak spanish when im supposed to speak irish, i speak irish when im supposed to speak spanish.

I THOUGHT PORTAN (they carry 🇪🇸) WAS PORTÁN (crab🇮🇪) I WISH I WAS JOKING.

I HAVE SÉIMHIÚ-ED WORDS THAT DO NOT NEED TO BE SÉIMHIÚ’ED LIKE ‘MI CHASA’ (supposed to be ‘mi casa’ which means ‘my house’ 🇪🇸)

A Live Re-enactment from my spanish class except i gave my teacher a nickname:

Señor Joven: ¡Hola! ¿Qué tál? ¿Tuviste una buena Navidad?

Yo: ¡Hola! Tá mé go maith, bhí buena Navidad agam. ¿y tú?

Señor Joven:

OR OR.

the awkward:

Señor Joven: ¿Qué tal?

Me: Maith…. ….bien.

you thought that was just spanish??

A Live Re-Enachment of My Irish Classes (giving my teachers more nicknames):

Bean Uí Beanna Boirche: Cad é mar atá tú?

Mé: Muy…go leor…

Or I’ll pronounce the ch in ch sounds spanishly instead of irishly Boirche? nah its Bore-che (ch like choo choo)😰. or even the word Leche(milk🇪🇸)in spanish? nah its ‘Le-hé’ but like throatily apparently

sometimes i spell báinne (milk🇮🇪, i was revising my foods and drinks in both languages) with a tilda ‘báña’ which sounds suspiciously like baño except my dumbass looks at the b and a goes “broad!🥰” and pronounces it ‘bwaño’ bc apparently i cant just leave spanish words alone

(ive spelt ‘catholic’ like ‘caflich’ before, ive spelt the word ‘you’ with a j, ‘seven’ like ‘sebhen’, senior like señur and milk like milch)

in conclusion: dont pick two languages for gcses.

but do if you want to. just one language id a lot of work and i mean A LOT buts its great craic and if u enjoy languages then go u ig. 👍

#THEY SRENT EVEN SIMILAR LANGUAGES #ONES CELTIC ONES ROMANCE #ive called it ‘Spáilge’#for any moots not from the uk: gcses are like exams you do when youre 14/15-16/17 as a form of qualification #irish #languages #gcses #i love languages #spanish #life lessons #advice ig #this is a rant but oh well

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bigweldindustries · 5 years

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Rules: Tag the person who tagged you, answer the questions and tag 20 people. tagged by rhys @rhysi. i love u rhys muah muah muah!!

1. How tall are you? 5′5 barefoot. i wear platform boots 95% of the time tho

2. What color and style is your hair? yknow what? i have no idea. vaguely blonde, maybe mouse? and style??????? i have no idea. i need a cut but im too scared to go to the barbers LMAO

3. What color are your eyes? grey...........

4. Do you wear glasses? i havent been to the (i cant think of the word so) eye doctor since 2013. currently no

5. Do you wear braces? i have a permanent retainer!!!!!!

6. What is your fashion style? alternative, but in no identifiable style. black and red 85% of the time.

7. Full name? axel, if you know my surname, you know. i tentatively use james as a middle name but fuck knows

8. When were you born? feburary 1st 2000 babey!!!!!!!!!

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? born in lambeth, but i’ve live in the shitty south london outskirts all my life lmao

10. What school do you go to? i go to uni now motherfucker

11. What kind of student are you? s i l e n t . i do my work, i pass, im the only person who ever shows up to math tutorials out of all 48 students in my class. yeet

12. Do you like school? up til sixth form, yeah, it was great. post 16 killed me. i am however quite enjoying uni even if i dont like group work lmao

13. What are your favorite school subjects? oh man i hated most things. in sixth form i studied maths, physics, and computer science; i hated english lit/language, hated geography, and i hated art, which were my gcse subjects. computer science was always my favourite, maths was okay, and physics i could jive with, but sixth form sucked the soul out of me and so i ended up detesting most of them

14. Favorite TV shows? i’m normie af; if i’m watching TV it’s almost always The Amazing World Of Gumball, Always Sunny, or Brooklyn 99.

16. Favorite books? the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy series........

17. Favourite past-time? fuck knows.......i like just kind of wandering by myself tbh. i get random buses and go random places lmao

18. Do you have any regrets? fuck kinda question is this

19. Dream job? FUTURE TECH!! that’s why i’m studying cybernetics! someday i’m gonna work on all kinds of crazy future technologies and be the wild ass inventor of my fuckin dreams

20. Would you like to get married? i have serious commitment issues and also my autistic ass can’t quite wrap my head around why its quite so desirable outside of tax benefits tbh

21. Would you like to have kids someday? nope. nada. i cannot look after myself, and i dont mean that in a ‘haha im a manchild’ way, i mean that in a i have physical and mental disabilities which mean i cannot function by myself, let alone look after a child

22. How many? fuck off

23. Do you like shopping? im always buying shit! my side hustle is buying things to sell, whether they be broken things i fix or just something i snagged cheap i can get more for. i never buy anything new, though.

24. What countries have you visited? france and belgium!

25. What’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? no.

26. Do you have any enemies? im a beacon of salt and i have a shitlist, but no actual ‘enemies’ as such lmfao

27. Do you have a s/o? nah!!

28. Do you believe in miracles? who fuckin kn o w s man like shits wild

im gonna tag uuuhhh @agentvicinity @quetzalpapalotl @thatswhyhesprime and uh....who ever else wants to do it!! im mcfuckin tired i cant think of people >:U as ever if yall don’t wanna do it either no worries no pressure!!!!

#axel grinds on #tag thing #long post #aaaaAAAAA

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gimmedatingadvice · 3 years

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hey i need some advice. i really really like my best friend. she has a crush too, and she says that she wants to ask her crush out after gcse's (over a year away). we both want a mature relationship and we trust each other a lot. i'm a lesbian and she's bi, and we're really close. she sends me pick up lines and tells me i'm prettier than Aphrodite. i dont want to ruin her plan in case she hasn't got a crush on me. what should i do??

Hello! I hope I can help you out.

I think you should confess your feelings if you’re prepared to do so. If you don’t, you might regret it and you might keep thinking all kinds of “what if” questions. Besides, if you tell her and she says no, at least it’ll help you to move on. Just be brave and be ready for all possible consequences. Your best friend may have a crush on you too or she may not. It might also be awkward at first for you and her, if she doesn’t have the same feelings as you do towards her. However, even if that happens, since you and her are really close, I think you both can keep being friends. It certainly is possible.

Good luck!

#dating advice #dating #advice #anonymous #ask #relationships #relationship advice #love advice

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stuck-in-studytine · 7 years

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Things I wish I had done in my GCSEs

Okay y'all sit down, listen up and enjoy! I did my GCSEs last year. I didn’t bomb them by any means, but I also didn’t do as well as I’d hoped! So here are some tips and tricks on how to pass yo GCSEs!: • Don’t just re write the text book. I did this for science because ‘that’s just how I learn’ and ‘everybody is different!’. Yeah. Some people can learn that way, but that’s how I revised for science, and I got a B when aiming for an A at least. I already had a text book, and while I did retain some stuff, I didn’t have to spend hours copying down something I already had. • I ignored my food tech exam. I decided that I didn’t want it, it wasn’t important and I wasn’t fussed about my result. Come results day? I cried because of it. Don’t be me. Even if you focus on some exams more, never leave an exam until that morning. • You can revise for maths. Its called practicing. Even if you have a formula sheet, you need to practice. • You have three different long term memory stores, two of which are phonological (sounds) and visuo spatial (words/reading). Instead if trying to cram everything in to one store (eg. Only doing mindmaps) utilise them both! Listen to the information and then make a mind map. You get 2x the storage space! • DONT STOP REVISING AFTER YOUR MOCKS - I appreciate that its too late for some of you, but this is a piece of advice that I was given that I will regret not taking for the rest of my life. If you revise 100 pages over 150 days, those last 50 can be used to consolidate what you already know. If you revise 100 pages in 50, you’re rushing and literally learning everything before you go in to the exam. • Don’t ignore a subject that you don’t like and hope it’s not on the exam. It will be on the exam. That’s how it works. True fact. I ignored rivers and coasts and two hours before the exam showed up to my geography teacher and said 'I only know hazards’. She thought I was joking. After a mad rush of cramming I got an A, but she told me that I could have gotten an A*. • DO get plenty of rest the night before. Its better to answer most questions amazingly because you didnt cram at 2am that morning than answer all the questions but badly because you didn’t sleep • Do take a bottle of water in to your exam. Students who take water in to their exam do 25% better than those who don’t. • Do use pre exam checklists to cool your nerves • Do have faith in yourself. GCSEs are important, but they aren’t more important than your health. Unless you’re doing medicine or a similar course, your uni won’t look at them because they know that at the at point you were just a kid. That they were a life lesson. I didn’t do great in my GCSEs, but I was so heart broken that my teacher then said I probably wouldn’t get in to Cambridge that I worked my ass off and am now one of the best students in my year ❤ GCSEs should motivate you to show what you can do in your A Levels

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draemers · 7 years

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tagged by: @softdiggory (firstly I love ur url and secondly I aDORE ur blog’s aesthetic and lastly thank u sm for tagging meee !!!)

rules - you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 (or not lmao) people. tagging: @ruthstophatstuff @femdeadpoets @-water-proof- @hardfeelngs have a nice day !!

the last: 1. drink: water 2. phone call: my best friend^^ 3. text message: my pal 4. song you listened to: writer in the dark by lorde 5. time you cried: lmao idek anymore 6. dated someone twice: twice? I haven't even dated someone once lmao 7. kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: I dont think so 10. been depressed: no 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: aha I'm not that rebellious I'm sorry

3 favorite colors 12. greeeeeeen 13. orange 14. blue

in the last year have you: 15. made new friends: yes !!!! loads !! somehow !!! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yE 18. found out someone was talking about you: no 19. met someone who changed you: yes 20. found out who your friends are: kinda 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: ha no 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: the majority.. I think.. 23. do you have any pets: yes ! I have a cat. 24. do you want to change your name: nah 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I went to a posh hall and had afternoon tea with my best friend, 26. what time did you wake up: 7am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping !! exciting !! 28. name something you can’t wait for: I'm gOING TO BELGIUM WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND IM SO EXCITED 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: a few mins ago 31. what are you listening to right now: Melodrama 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes a few days ago actually. I walked into him and apologised and then he apologised back and then I apologised it was a mess 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my ncs leader lmaoo 34. most visited website: tumblr ://// 35. hair colour: brown 36. long or short hair: long but not rly long 37. do you have a crush on someone: unfortunately yes ahah 38. what do you like about yourself: -- I cant think of anything oops - 39. piercings: no thank u 40. blood type: uhhh idk 41. nickname: my friend calls me cat 42. relationship status: singlee 43. zodiac: aquarius 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: dear white people and uhh well I'm currently watching shameless :// 46. tattoos: nope 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: naw 49. piercing: no than k s 50. sport: wow ok so um I represented the county three times for athletics (100m and long jump aye) and I did volleyball club bc of haikyuu ooopppsss 51. vacation: I want to go to cute hidden villages in France or something 52. pair of trainers: uh,, anything?

MORE GENERAL 53. eating: I love pizza like at any time 54. drinking: a cuppa tea 55. i’m about to: go out to tea with my best friend 56. waiting for: ..results day agh 57. want: a boyfriend I'm JOKING (sort of), I would really like a milkshake. and all A*s at GCSE and a dog 58. get married: naw 59. career: id love to be a photographer but apparently that is too flimsy so a professor would be great

WHICH IS BETTER? 60. hugs or kisses: I don't think I have enough experience to clarify lmaO 61. lips or eyes: eyes ! 62. shorter or taller: taller 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends

HAVE YOU EVER 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: no 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: surprisingly not 70. turned someone down: ..yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: maybe 73. had your heart broken: hhaahha moving on ! 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: no 76. fallen for a friend: ...yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: no 78. miracles: yes 79. love at first sight: no 80. santa claus: no 81. kiss on the first date: yes 82. angels: no

OTHER: 83. current best friend’s name: benny boi and chloe 84. eye colour: brown 85. favorite movie: dead poets society

#tagged #!!#cat complains #ayeee I got tagged in something I'm scREAMING

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