#Zjust this constant stream of regrets
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#that didn’t help. it made things worse.#high school failed me. my mother failed me. i failed myself and i’m still fucking failing myself#and i don’t have the willpower to do anything about it#i can’t focus i never have been able to i got through gcse on intelligence alonr i didtn have to work for it#and lockdown ruined me#i keep questioning whether my mothers right and i did choose the wrong degree#“you need to be on top of your game!” What if i dont want to. what if i just want to be me for once in my fucking life.#and i cant tell anyone#because nobody understands#could i have told him before he died?#maybe. maybe out of all of them he was the only one i could trust#because he never lied to me#he told me straight that he failed his a levels and STILL got into a good job because he knew how to work ppl#i dont know how to work people. i don’t know how to work myself#i trust people. i tell them whats worrying me and they use that against me#they make it my fault#maybe theyre right. maybe it is#so i lock myself away with my writing and ignore the issues until they get bigger and bigger and they crush me#idk how i’m going to face going back to uni#Zjust this constant stream of regrets#i just want someone to tell me i dont have to be perfect#and mean it#i dont have to be what they want me to be#ive always been isolated. it’s coming up to a decade since i started high school#And its just fotten worse
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