#don't eat the meat pies
Note
Kimber is truly ah..... Something......(shes creeping me out but i like her:))
Kimber. My baking queen. :) The cutest little cupcake there ever was.
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You're the heir to the royal family of a kingdom besieged by demons and during a surrender, are offered up to one of the Demon Lords as a prize of battle. Don't worry, he assures you with a warm yet devious smile, you'll soon 'grow' to love your new life with him
You're taken back to his manor and draped in a lavish, yet skimpy outfit, one that really shows off your body and highlights the slight curves of your features. Your new Lord sits you down at a huge banquet table and takes his seat across from you. All manner of succulent and delicious foods are lined up before you, you take a moment to really take in the size of this hulking, handsome demon and assume he must eat like a beast. But when his impish servants are done setting the table, he just brings his elbows onto the table to rest his head in his hands. He smiles at you,
"You've nothing to fear. Eat."
His voice is so commanding. Nervously, you load up your plate with foods that seem the most familiar to you. Roast chicken, potatoes, various vegetables and a bread roll. It's delicious. With the effect the war has had on your kingdom, you can't remember the last time event he royal family could assemble such a sumptuous selection to feast upon... so you end up forgetting yourself a little and eating until you're quite stuffed. You lean back in your chair and graciously thank your Lord for the meal, shyly paying your compliments to the chef
"Good," he smiles wider and snaps his fingers. "Eat."
A surge of warmth courses through your body. With some demonic intervention, everything you'e just eaten rapidly digests within you and you feel hungry again. Your frame even grows a little bit softer, though not enough for you to notice just yet.
You blush and oblige his order, you brain trying to rationalise what's happening. A display of dominance, perhaps? Or did he notice how much you were enjoying the food after having had so little for so long and just wanted you to get to enjoy that more? Was something bad coming after this, or was he actually a good demon somehow?
All of your questions seemed to melt away as you dug in to the feast again, this time trying the honey roasted ham, sweet fruits, leg shank and more. Once again you eat until you feel completely stuffed. Once again you thank your Lord for such a wonderful meal... and once again he smiles at you with fiery eyes from across the table, his own plate still empty and untouched,
"Good," another snap of his fingers. "Eat."
That familiar surge of warmth strikes again, but this time you notice how much plumper you look after, especially in your skimpy clothes. You look up at your Lord in shock and confusion, but he just gestures to the food in front of him. You timidly shake your head, yet your stomach growls audibly in the large dining hall
"Perhaps you'd be more in the mood for wine and cheese?" the demon snaps and the feast before you changes to a decadent cheese plate with crackers and dried meats abound. "Or would my royal prize prefer dessert?" Another snap and the table becomes stacked with cakes, pies and pastries alongside jugs filled with custards and creams, all so sweetly mouth watering
The look of disbelief doesn't leave your face. Your stomach growls louder, more painfully as your owner laughs
"Better not to ignore your hunger, my dear. It'll be much more pleasurable for you if you just. Eat."
The command rings through you and sends shivers down your spine, you want nothing more than to stuff your face with every dessert in sight. Your hands reach forward greedily and you begin to eat your fill as your Lord looks on, almost lovingly at you
"So good, so obedient, I'm going to like you a lot," he stands and gently makes his way all around the table to your side, his towering form standing behind you, gently rubbing your now slightly pudgy shoulders. "I'll spoil you so much, feast after feast, night after night of pure pleasure to make you into the perfectly fattened up image of hedonism," his hands feels so good and warm on your soft skin as you gorge yourself. "Just think how demoralising it'll be for your kingdom, to see how easily their royal heir fell to demonic corruption... but I must say from a personal standpoint, I do just think you look so beautiful enjoying yourself like this. I'll have a bath ready for us after I think you're done here, there we can really relax and get to know each other, my dear. But for now, please keep eating. I told you you would grow to love it here."
#hutch posts#ok this got away from me but hoo boy#demons#weight gain#magical weight gain#rapid weight gain#stuffing#wg fiction#wg story#queer feedism#queer feedist#corruption kink
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Baked Goods
Alastor x Baker reader (slow burn romance)
Plot: During the 7 years, Alastor was missing the reader and Rosie became friends. Now that Alastor is back, Rosie is dying to introduce you. She just knows you'll get along amazingly, after all, she's a great matchmaker.
Warnings: suggested cannibalism, swearing
(Note: reader is a poisonous frog demon)
Next
“Alastor!” Rosie was waving her hand in the air to get her friend's attention as she approached him. Her other hand was pulling someone behind her.
Alastor smiled at his friend before noticing the demon his friend was dragging behind her. Alastor was filled with curiosity and excitement.
“Rosie!” Alastor greeted, letting the woman hug him before turning his attention to her guest.
“I have someone I want you to meet” She smiles wide, pushing you in front of Alastor. You smile up at him, offering your hand, “Nice to meet you. I'm y/n.” You were beyond nervous.
You've been in hell for a while. You knew about Alastor and had even heard his broadcasts. You were a huge fan. You were also hugely disappointed when Alastor disappeared, but you kept his radio on display in your shop. In hopes, he would one day return.
Shortly after he left, you met Rosie. You were hoping to branch out and expand, and the cannibals were one of the few markets left. You had approached her about doing business, and the two of you quickly became friends.
Alastor shook your hand. “A pleasure,” his signature smile seemed genuine. Rosie quickly excused herself, leaving the two of you alone. Alastor looked you over a bit, amused, “So tell me about yourself.” Alastor led you over to a bench so you could sit and chat. After all, Rosie had made the effort to introduce you, which piqued Alastor's curiosity.
“Oh, um, I'm a baker.” You take your seat on the bench. “I've recently started working with Rosie to include meat in my menu.” You emphasized the word. A bit obvious, but that was the point. Alastor's eyes light up. That was interesting. “Oh? You must let me try one sometime”.
The two of you talked for hours about everything from recipes to music. It was getting late, Alastor stood up and adjusted his outfit “it's getting late, allow me to escort you home” You nodded jumping to your feet this earned a chuckle from Alastor. You'd never dream Alastor would be walking you home. You chatted more about meaningless things. All too soon, arriving at your home. Alastor gives you a bow, “goodnight, I do hope we meet again soon.”
“Holy shit!” You were pacing around your living room. Alastor, the Aalstor, the Radio demon himself, just walked you home. You couldn't sleep that night.
You contemplated closing the bakery today but decided against it. You had a feeling Alastor might stop by. You quickly eat and dress before heading to the bakery.
It was currently 9 am and business was slowing down. The morning rush was finally over. You were sitting at a table taking a much-needed break when 'ding' a customer. You sigh before getting up and turning to see Alastor.
“Hello dear” his smile widened at you. “I was hoping to try your meat dish”, Alastor emphasized the word the same way you had the day before.
“Of course!” You smiled and disappeared for a moment before returning with a plain white to-go box. Handing him the box.
Alastor accepts, “may I?” He gestures to the box. You nod, holding your breath as he opens it. In the box is a medium-sized pie. Enough for about 4 people. Alastor pokes a hole into the pie with one of his long fingers and samples the pies insides. His eyes light up. “That is fantastic!” His voice crackled with excitement. You can't help but blush. “I will have to return,” he smiles, turning and leaving. Stopping at the door, he snaps his fingers, the radio you had on display switches on, and music begins to play. “Such a lovely radio should be enjoyed, don't you think?” With that, he walked out the door.
#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor x reader#x reader#reader insert#gn reader#hazbin hotel#bird scribbles#alastor#hazbin hotel fanfiction
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Lex made Wally and Dick a clone child with their DNA together
Bruce, holding lex by his shirt: You idiot why did you make a child with a known but forgotten murderer and his helper, the tricksters of the hero scene, the things gods have nightmares about!?
Lex: because I was bored.
Bruce: that kid gonna make mystery meat pies, you created a monster!
Wally: no worries B, since the kid has more of my DNA they won't be making pies. They're going to rearrange people organs.
Bruce: that's not great news!?
Dick: welp, I don't know what to do then but I guess adopt? Is it adopting if the kid yours?
Wally: I don't know, I'm a chemist not a lawyer, but hey now you didn't have to go through pregnancy but we're going to need a bigger place Damian won't and shouldn't share a room.
Dick: ah, true true.
Bruce: that thing not staying alive! They're a danger to humanity!?
Dick: kill my kid and I will make you into a pie that Harvey gets to eat.
Bruce:
Bruce: you know my grandchild is pretty cute.
#dick grayson#wally west#bruce wayne#birdflash#lex luthor#the meat pie au is a bunch of shit I can mox into it#nonsense and shit
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not a specific prompt im just a whore for kas!eddie being utterly obsessed w Regular Guy steve harrington & i think it'd be funny if they tried to just have a normal hangout w the party & eddie absolutely cannot be normal & just like gargoyles around or something
sorry about the wait, writer's block hit me pretty hard again but i did it!!! i hope it's to your tastes and that you have a very happy birthday!!!
So here's the thing.
Eddie could have been a vegetarian.
It was a whole thing when he was like thirteen years old and had just watched a very, very terrible movie that involved a lot of gore and too many metaphors about chickens. It fucked him up so bad that he refused any of Wayne's meat-infested meals, from pies to hot dogs to fucking sandwiches.
He did end up caving after one too many weeks of hiding in his room when the smell of delicious, juicy steak (it wasn't really a steak but fuck if he knew the difference) wafted around the trailer. He cried the entire time while he ate but Wayne pat him on the head and said he was still proud of him for making it that far.
Anyway, the point is Eddie could have sworn to look at nothing but vegetables and grass his whole life.
He's never been so glad that he didn't.
Not when Steve, the absolute fucking dork that he is, is eating his burger in the messiest way possible just to prove to Robin that he could do worse.
Eddie can't tear his eyes away.
The way the dark, twilight blue of that Henley somehow makes his skin look that much warmer, the way his smile is riddled with sauce and lettuce, the way his eyes squeeze shut when -
"You can't eat Steve."
Eddie blinks, and turns his head to find Dustin with his arms crossed, his face squished into a grim expression.
Eddie tilts his head.
"I'm serious, you promised you wouldn't eat anybody -"
"I don't want to eat Steve," Eddie rasps out, his tail flicking against the wall. It's cold, the surfaces of everything in this house is too cold. He's almost desperate enough to burrow his way into the couch, just so he can soak up the warmth of Steve and Robin, even if their eating habits are disgusting.
Dustin glances at Steve, who's already got a tissue and is jamming into Robin's cheek with a laugh, and frowns at Eddie. "You're sure? Because you've been staring at him like, all day."
Sighing, Eddie resettles himself on the island counter so he's sitting cross-legged and continues to watch Steve. "I know."
There's a pause.
"That's it?" Dustin says incredulously. "That's all you have to say?"
"Have you ever seen someone so intrinsically against everything you've ever believed in that's somehow also the exact poster child for what you should aim to achieve?"
He hears Dustin blink. "What -"
"He's just so -" Eddie flails a hand, his tail mirroring the motion. "Benign! And yet, he possess the strength, the fearlessness of a man on the battlefield -"
"Why are you using your DM voice -"
"And yet again, he will sit there, with a perfect swoop to his hair, an innocence to his eyes and a delicate sweetness to his tongue and he will ask that you believe him to be harmless."
Another pause.
"Okay, that was a little weird -"
"And you will!" Eddie leaps onto his feet, standing above Dustin with power raging through his veins as the head rush of a monologue captures him. "You will believe that fine, gracious man to be harmless! As long as you don't - look - back."
"Eddie, get down from the counter."
With a laugh, Eddie spins and his tail wiggles a hello to Steve, who looks up at him with his exasperated, innocent eyes. "My liege," Eddie says, hopping down only to slink into Steve's space and wrap his tail around his bicep. "How goes the competition?"
"Robin won -"
"As usual!" said-bird calls out from the living room.
"Yeah, as usual," Steve repeats with a lovingly snarky tone. Eddie's tail tightens. "What have I said about standing on tables, Eddie?"
"Oh but sire," Eddie murmurs as he circles Steve, ducking down just to pout up at him. Yeah, he knows the power of his big brown eyes, he knows how to use 'em. "I was simply delivering an informative, nay, crucial declaration of your -"
"Eddie."
He switches tactics. "I won't do it again?"
"You fucking better not," Steve mock-glares down at him and oh, that's a look to think about later. Hooking a finger under Eddie's tail, where it's curled around his skin, Steve gently pulls it off and walks to the sink, the warmth of his finger sending shivers down Eddie's neck.
There is a moment of silence.
"You can't fuck Steve either, by the way, it'd be like - weird. For a lot of reasons. Not because you're guys -"
"For fuck's sake, Henderson -"
#i restarted this request so many times but eventually went back to this iteration#and i think i did alright? not as much description of steve being Regular as i think you wanted sorry about that apple#wishing you a great day tho!!!#sailor✧writes#sailor✧replies#steddie#writing#ficlet#au content: kas!eddie#kas eddie munson
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Ngl, Aceyuu has me in a chokehold right now. Now imagine this:
Yuu's been learning how to improve their cooking and baking so they and Grim don't have to stick to eating the same ol' food everyday. After successfully making their first successful dish, which is chicken pasta bake, they decided to kick it up a notch. Salads, meat dishes, soups, pastries and desserts, the Ramshackle duo are eating good. So, why not make lunch for the both of them to bring to school?
The first years look in awe when they see the delicious lunches Grim and Yuu are eating. Ace, however, has his eyes set on Grim's dessert: a slice of cherry pie. But just before he can grab it, Grim's already chowing down on the pie before trying to take some of Ace's food. Yuu, of course, scolds Grim and gives him one if their cranberry white chocolate buns to tame him. Noticing Ace's expression, it didn't take long for them to put two and two together. So, they ask for the first years to come over to Ramshackle for dinner. While the first years are talking excitedly, Yuu throws Ace a wink, confusing him.
At Ramshackle, the dining table was full of dishes: grilled chicken, vegetable stir fry, shish kabobs, and more. When it was time for dessert, everyone was on the edge of their seats until Yuu came out with different desserts for each first year. Mini egg tarts for Deuce, pear compote with vanilla ice cream for Jack, spiced apple muffins for Epel, double chocolate cookies for Sebek, custard pudding for Grim, and Yuu has strawberry gelato. To their shock, Ace doesn't have any dessert which bums him a little. Though, to be fair, he is super full so he probably has no room for dessert at the moment. But Yuu, ever the friendly soul, let's Ace eat some of their gelato.
Before they leave, Yuu asks Ace to stay behind because they have something to gift him. They hand him a box tied with a red ribbon and tell him to open it when no one's looking. He's confused but he complies.
Back at Heartslabyul, Ace opens up the box to find what's inside: beautiful mini black forest cakes arranged into a heart shape. Ace, who's a little hungry, snacks on the cakes while feeling all giddy.
annon this is a whole meal (⊙_⊙) and I had to make sure I had a whole meal before I let myself look at this ask, people extensively describing food makes me hungry (－－；
I would make one mini addition to your little scenario, cherry pie is listed as Ace's favorite food, so it makes a bit more sense for Yuu to give him something like that... especially since that's what he wanted from Grim in the first place! Maybe it could be something like these heart shaped cherry hand pies? And Yuu gives him one little black forest cake for desert so it doesn't seem like they are singling him out too much, I mean sure Ace is their favorite but they can't tell the other boys that!!! They need to make up some sort of excuse, maybe they stole found a pencil of his they need to give him so they ask him to stay behind so they can get it for him... and Ace "sighs" and agrees to, acting like he's soooo inconvenienced while the other first years exchange a look and book it so they don't have to deal with you two.
Ace would be so stupid embarrassed if you made him cherry pie. It's his favorite, you know him and see him. Making food for someone is a pure and heavenly form of love, and you had to think about what you wanted to make for each of them and thought long enough about him to make him something extra. It's so touching he can;t even bring himself to gloat about it, but he will thank you for the food.
How can he be expected to get more otherwise?
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Experimental pies in the oven! So, to explain what's going on here:
Because of reasons we have a stockpile of flour that's about to expire. Non-perishables technically don't go bad for as long as they're stored right, but there's a limit to how palatable they're going to be a few years after the use by -date. I haven't baked much bread since 2020, and didn't feel like picking that up again.
It's also harvest season, so we're receiving as much vegetable produce as we're willing to accept form my boyfriend's mother's garden, and it would be rude to decline more and wasteful to let it rot. So I'd have to figure out a way to also eat the vegetables.
Then it crossed my mind that hold on, I can make pies. Use up the flour stockpile, chop veggies in, and the only ingredients I'll need to buy fresh are the dairy products, eggs and some sort of meat. And then I remembered that I also have an unreasonably large hoard of close-to-expiry beef jerky because of reasons completely unrelated to the flour stockpile.
So currently I am testing whether I can use soaked beef jerky for the pie filling. If this batch doesn't work out, I'm going to keep experimenting on how to get it right, because if I figure out how to pull this off, y'all better believe I'm all set for meals for the next few months.
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Lmk ss edits + Headcanons, Part 3 (Chang'e, Nezha, Pif, DBK)
- She/Her
- Bisexual w/ male pref (eternally devoted to her husband, Hou Yi, in Chinese mythology though, so I don't ship her with anyone)
- Constellation shaped freckles
- Even though her robot bunnies don't need to eat she still sets out extra plates otherwise she feels bad
- Ambivert
- Used to have a short hair phase
- Aside from cooking she's also good at coloring/painting and makes jewelry for fun
- Can talk for hours on end
- Would absolutely loose her mind if she found out about rollerblading, change my mind
- BIG sweet tooth
- Exchanged a few recipes with Pigsy before they left
- Uses Kaomojis
- Stress eats
- Chang'e and Macaque are besties (I saw other people talking about this and thought it was cute)
- Chang’e is one of the very few people Macaque allows hugs from because she gives the best comforting hugs ever
- She tried to teach MK how to cook once and he failed miserably, she has banned him from the kitchen permanently
- Everytime Macaque complains about something to her it ALWAYS has something to do with Wukong and Chang’e is honestly done with them at this point
- She is always energetic, like seriously, she can run around and cook and exercise for hours and never break a sweat
- She can play the flute
- She does Nezha's hair sometimes when he visits
- Her, Nezha and Macaque will all get together sometimes and just gossip for hours
- Hates it when her kitchen is messy, even when she's in a rush to make something or there's a lot going on she'll be sure to put everything in a neat order
- Smells like cakes, pies and other pastries
- Love language is quality time
- Her skin is always really cold (because of , y'know.. living on the moon) but she's lived there for so long now that she hardly notices anymore
- Doesn't really have a skin care routine and doesn't use a lot of products but her skin is always so soft and clear anyways
- Makes up her own constellations when she stargazes
- She has a small shrine in her house in respect to Hou Yi
- Has two group chats, one with Macaque and Nezha for gossiping, and the other with Pigsy and DBK for cooking
- He/Him
- AroAce
- Put his hair up in a messy bun the ONE time Wukong decided to drop in unannounced, still gets bullied for it to this day
- Would probably die if you ever gave him any kind of soda
- Has a scar on his neck and can even pop his head off like the headless horseman because of... iykyk.. sometimes pulls it off to scare people
- Like Pigsy, he's a huge environmentalist; got super pissed when he heard about climate change and pollution, like he was DEVESTATED
- Really likes chocolate milk, but only drinks it when he's alone because Wukong caught him once and still teases him about it
- Use to babysit Redson when he was little, especially when Princess Iron Fan was too distressed to look after him herself for long periods at a time after her husband was sealed away
- Taught Redson how to harness his powers while he babysat
- Perfect handwriting, it should be a font
- Has difficulty breathing, especially when he gets overwhelmed, due to... yk.. committing..
- Always has a least a small taste of metal in his mouth
- Redson would somehow manage to disappear if Nezha looked away for even a second so he wound up having to get a ring sling to carry him in, no one took him seriously with it on
- Sees PIF as an older sister
- Favourite food is strawberry cake
- Not necessarily a vegetarian but doesn't eat meat often
- Meditates to save and absorb energy instead of sleeping, that way if something happens or someone attacks, he's always awake and ready to handle the situation
- When meditating, stray lotus petals will float around and surround him that act as a shield while also emitting a peaceful aura that keeps both himself and the people around him in a calm state of mind
- Him and Wukong have a sibling rivalry
- Felt incredibly guilty when Redson got trapped in a scroll because he was the one Redson came to when his parents were gone and thought he failed to protect him
- DBK and him have an awkward relationship given the whole "Attack on heaven" thing, but have been trying to find something to bond over for PIF
- Erlang and PIF are basically his older siblings, like they'd be the kind of siblings who'll pretend to give him an important task so he'll leave them alone and then immediately shut and lock the door as soon as he leaves the room, y'know?? He still hasn't forgiven them for that
- Smells like Lotus flowers and strawberries
- Love language is acts of service and words of affirmation
- Likes the idea of hiking and stargazing but never has the time to do it since he's always working
- Isn't afraid to call out someone's bs (*cough* Monkey King *cough*) but can't handle someone calling him out for the literal life of him
- He loves flowers and their symbolism, use to study it before he was tasked with guarding the map to the samadhi rings
- He's actually a really good swimmer but people don't believe him because of his relation to fire
- Has absolutley licked himself to see what he tastes like
- She/Her
- Bisexual
- Has a beautiful singing voice and use to sing lullabies to Redson all the time when he was a kid. Although it's a rare occurrence, she'll sing lullabies to him even now if he gets particularly stressed out or anxious
- Feels guilty about being too mentally unwell to take care of Redson properly after DBK was sealed away when he was little but never knew how to make up for it so she just closed herself off instead which is why she's so cold with him
- Would sleep in a guest bedroom or on the couch for the first few years of DBK being sealed away because she couldn't handle being alone in such a big bed without him
- Follow up on the last HC, after she started sleeping in her and DBK's bed again Redson would sometimes come in in the middle of the night and sleep in bed with her so she felt less lonely but stopped after he turned 11-12 (or at least the Demon equivalent to that age cause he's like 500+)
- Does Redson's hair for him in the morning since he's always too tired to do it himself
- Use to style his hair like hers, with the little horns made of hair, at least until his real horns started growing in
- Her and Macaque are sworn siblings (I have no idea where this HC came from but I saw other people talking about it and thought it was cute)
- Sees Nezha as a younger brother
- Was outcast from her family after DBK started courting her, she was upset for a while but it was worth it
- Super long hair, like it reaches her thighs when it's fully down
- Master calligrapher, seriously her writing is so beautiful and neat
- When DBK was first freed, the first two or so weeks she would stay up as long as possibly and hold onto him so tight whenever she finally did fall asleep because she was scared she'd wake up and he'd be gone again
- Felt like she failed as a mother when she realized she missed Redson's first words, first steps, everything, because Nezha had to look after him while she mourned her husband
- Favourite flowers are Dhalia's
- Because her hair is long it's also very heavy, sometimes if her scalp is particularly sore from keeping it styled up in horns all day DBK will sit with her and brush her hair while she relaxes and watches TV or reads
- Cooks sometimes but isn't as good as DBK
- Has a terrible habit of hiding her emotions from her family (actually the entire Demon Bull Family struggles with this habit)
- Hates the feeling of ink on her skin, someone knocked over a bottle of writing ink in her hand once and she washed it for almost an hour straight to get rid of the feeling of it on her skin
- Smells like Stargazer Lilies
- Love language is quality time and words of affirmation
- Surprisingly big fan of horror movies (conjuring, exorcist, Shining, etc)
- Listens to true crime shows/podcasts while working
- Had servants home-school Redson and then took over home-schooling him herself when he was older
- All her clothes are custom made, and had to get them re-made with fire resistant materials after Redson was born, as well as everything else in the Demon Bull Palace (Clothes, rugs, sheets, blankets, curtains etc)
- Has separate makeup and jewelry boxes, one for everyday wear, and one for special events (anniversaries, royal gatherings, etc)
- Ambivert
- If she runs out of patience for you, you will literally die
- He/Him
- Bisexual
- Hardly recognized Redson when he was freed from the mountain, which is why he didn't address him as quickly as he did Iron Fan
- Has a hard time trying to Remember Redson isn't little anymore, was devestated that he didn't get to watch him grow up
- Tries to connect with Redson and learn about his interests but it just comes off as really awkward for both of them
- Throws all of MK's (and other suitors) Courting gifts to Redson away if he sees them before Redson does (I am a firm believer of overprotective dad DBK)
- Learned how to cook for Iron Fan after they started courting eachother to impress her and it grew into an actual hobby of his, now he likes to cook and bake when he's stressed instead of yelling and breaking things (especially after the Lady Bone Demon incident)
- All his old cook books are pretty much dust after not being used and taken care of for several centuries and although he was upset, he still remembers a few of the recipes, majority of the food he makes now is what he learned from watching Chang'e's cooking show
- Exchanges recipes with Pigsy after getting to know eachother a bit at the beach, but they don't talk much outside of food related topics
- Once walked in on Redson and MK making out in Redsons room and promptly threw MK out the window (he was fine)
- Use to allow Wukong to take naps on his chest while they were still in the Brotherhood, mostly because Wukong would never stop and DBK eventually gave up on trying to get him to stop
- Got really emotional when he found out Redson got a nose ring to match with him (pretended not to care but started crying when he was alone)
- Keeps a photo of PiF and Redson with him at all times, it's not in great condition anymore because he was buried under the mountain with it, but it's too sentimental for him to replace it
- Knows Redsons date of birth down to the exact hour by heart (Canon in JTTW)
- Touch starved, being locked away for 500 years definitely took a toll on him
- Still hasn't entirely forgiven Wukong for calling Redson a "half-baked son"
- Much like how PIF will sing to Redson when he's particularly stressed or anxious, DBK will cook Redson his favorite childhood meal; he was worried the first time it happened because he wasn't sure how to handle Redsons emotional state and also wasn't sure if he still liked the dish he loved as a child, but Redson was visibly happier (or at least calmer) afterwards so he'll keep making it for him
- Has a sepertate pen and writing ink that he uses exclusively for writing to PIF
- He's a sucker for romance movies
- Will pick Redson up by the back of his shirt like a cat and drag him to bed if he's overworking himself
- Invited the Brotherhood to see Redson when he was first born; was disappointed when Azure, Peng and Yellowtusk never showed up
- Goes all out on him and PiF's anniversary to make up for the 500 anniversaries he missed (same with PIF and Redson's birthdays)
- Smells like dirt and regretful life choices (fr though he's been under a mountain for 500 years, that smell doesn't wash away easy after that long, Iron Fan surprisingly doesn't mind, but maybe she's just too happy that he's back to care enough about it)
- Love language is physical touch and quality time
- Cried watching the Titanic, don't even try to tell me otherwise
- Hopeless romantic
- Loves spicy food but doesn't have as high a tolerance as Redson (still very high though, but I mean c'mon, Redson is literally a fire demon)
- Cannot understand or use technology for the life of him, he's calling in Redson left and right asking how to download something or how to get onto another website
- Still feels guilty whenever he sees Redson flinch at him (because of the whole almost killing Redson when he was possessed by the Lady Bone Demon)
#fanart#lego monkie kid#lego monkey kid fanart#lego monkie kid chang'e#chang'e#lmk chang'e#lego monkie kid nezha#lmk nezha#lego monkie kid dbk#lmk dbk#demon bull king#lego monkie kid princess iron fan#lmk pif#princess iron fan#lmk headcanon#headcanon#lmk spicynoodlesshipping#lmk spicynoodles#spicynoodleshipping
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Toe Rag (Affectionately)
Read on A03
"Did you see Lily delivering a swift kick to Arnold Palmer’s balls in divination this morning?" Sirius inquired, dropping onto the bench beside James in the grand hall during lunch. "Fucking metal."
Peter and Remus glanced up from their seats across the table, mouths full, sporting amusing grins. Remus hastily swallowed, wiping his mouth with his sleeve as he enthusiastically nodded.
"I'm surprised she hasn't landed herself in detention by now," Remus remarked. "Palmer was on the ground, in tears."
"Any idea what Palmer said to provoke her?" Sirius questioned, loading his plate with meat pies.
"It doesn't matter what he said to her," James replied, rolling his eyes. "He probably had it coming."
"You'd defend her even if she kicked you in the balls," Peter chuckled, prompting Sirius and Remus to conceal their knowing grins behind their food.
"I'm a strong supporter of women's rights," James hastily defended himself, "including Lily's right to beat the shit out of anyone who irritates her."
Remus's eyes sparkled with amusement. "Then how do you manage to escape Lily’s wrath? You irritate her everyday."
James feigned disgust. "Moony, how dare you. I am her favorite person."
Sirius stared at James as though he had sprouted two heads. "She called you a ‘toe rag’ yesterday at dinner."
"Yeah, but lovingly," James retorted.
"I've never heard anyone called a 'toe rag' lovingly," Remus raised an eyebrow at James.
"Hey, guys," Lily interjected herself between Sirius and James, planting a kiss on James' cheek. James raised himself a bit higher in his chair, sporting a proud smirk in response.
Lily rolled her eyes at his reaction and remarked, "Eat your food, toe rag." Despite her words, a smile betrayed the affection in the term, causing the other boys to reconsider their earlier remarks.
"Do you have detention tonight?" James inquired of Lily.
"No," Lily replied as she buttered a scone, "Palmer was convinced to accept his punishment without snitching on me to the Professor."
"What did he say?" Peter asked, his curiosity evident.
Lily’s green eyes glowed with exasperation as she explained, “he said the tea leaves told him that I should show him my tits.”
All four boys erupted in outrage, drawing confused looks from those around them. Lily shushed them all, laughing at their indignant reactions. James couldn't fathom why she remained so composed; he was ready to seek out Palmer and transform him into a slug.
Lily likely noticed the fiery determination in his eyes, prompting her to toss her scone at his forehead, causing it to bounce off and land back on the table. "James," she warned, "sit down before I make you."
Grumbling, James reluctantly took his seat, exchanging a meaningful glance with Sirius, signaling that their business with Palmer was far from over. Sirius nodded in agreement, his eyes reflecting anger.
"Anyways, I'm pretty sure I made his chances of procreating 90% less likely than before," Lily declared, picking up the scone that had fallen onto James' plate.
"I hope you uninvited him to your birthday party tonight," James said, slinging an arm around Lily's shoulders and glaring towards the Ravenclaw table in search of Palmer's brown, buzzed hair.
Lily shrugged in his embrace. "I doubt it. He learned to value his life this afternoon, and he knows you and Sirius will be there."
"I don't see why James and I being there has anything to do with it," Sirius remarked, his tone deceptively calm.
"Please," Lily snorted, "don't act like the two of you aren't already telepathically planning your revenge on my behalf."
"Sirius and I don't communicate telepathically," James insisted, "and even if we did, we're well aware that you can handle yourself."
"Keep lying, Prongs," Lily patted his chest with the back of her hand, her tone lighthearted but her eyes full of knowing suspicion, "I've known you long enough to recognize when you're contemplating making someone barf slugs all night."
James chuckled, a warmth spreading through his chest at her remark. Her ability to read him like an open book was both a source of amusement and admiration. She had recently acquired the skill of distinguishing between the Marauders using their nicknames, and the fact that she used his without hesitation was a small delight that never failed to make his heart race. His hand slid down her back lovingly, tracing her sides until he was holding her at the dip in her hip, reveling in the comfort of her presence.
As they sat there, the great hall buzzing with the energy of fellow students eating their lunch, James found himself contemplating the idea of persuading her to spend the remainder of the evening curled up by the crackling fireplace in the Gryffindor common room. The dancing flames and the cozy ambiance seemed like the perfect setting for some quiet moments together, away from the boring classes they were subject to that Tuesday.
"I was actually considering turning him into a slug," James admitted with a mischievous glint in his eyes, savoring the way she blushed when his thumb brushed enticingly across her upper thigh. "But your idea is much better."
Lily turned her head to face him, her green eyes locking onto his with a mixture of amusement and something deeper. Her pupils were slightly wider than usual, perhaps a result of the intimacy of the moment or the thrill of his touch. She whispered, her voice a soft murmur that only heightened the intimacy of their conversation, "It's my birthday, and I don't want you in detention for it."
The air between them crackled with unspoken understanding, and James couldn't help but smile. He was more than willing to comply with her birthday wish, even if it meant putting aside his plans for revenge with Sirius.
He leaned closer, teasing, "Why? Do you have plans for us tonight, Evans?"
She licked her lips, replying carefully, "Well, Mary's making cake."
"I can think of something sweeter." James whispered, winking.
Remus, with a half groan of annoyance, extended his arm across the worn wooden table, brandishing a succulent drumstick like a playful weapon. He thrust the piece of chicken into James' unsuspecting mouth, prompting an immediate protest from the latter. Startled, James leaned back, his eyes widening as he hastily spit out the uninvited mouthful onto his plate.
In an attempt to regain composure, Lily took a deep breath, filling her lungs with air, and shifted her attention to her lunch, feigning an intense interest in her food choice to divert any lingering feelings someplace else. James’ hand dug tighter into her side, refusing to let her get too far in response to Remus’ action.
“Can I flirt with my girlfriend in peace, please?” James asked with a snap.
Dryly, Remus remarked, "You two disgust me sometimes."
#jily#happy birthday lily evans#james potter#lily evans#jily fanfiction#jily fic#toe rag (affectionately)
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Margaery hailed them when the two columns met and fell in beside the queen's litter. Her cheeks were flushed, her brown ringlets tumbling loosely about her shoulders, stirred by every puff of wind. "We have been picking autumn flowers in the kingswood," she told them.
I know where you were, the queen thought. Her informers were very good about keeping her apprised of Margaery's movements. Such a restless girl, our little queen. She seldom let more than three days pass without going off for a ride. Some days they would ride along the Rosby road to hunt for shells and eat beside the sea. Other times she would take her entourage across the river for an afternoon of hawking. The little queen was fond of going out on boats as well, sailing up and down the Blackwater Rush to no particular purpose. When she was feeling pious she would leave the castle to pray at Baelor's Sept. She gave her custom to a dozen different seamstresses, was well-known amongst the city's goldsmiths, and had even been known to visit the fish market by the Mud Gate for a look at the day's catch. Wherever she went, the smallfolk fawned on her, and Lady Margaery did all she could to fan their ardor. She was forever giving alms to beggars, buying hot pies off bakers' carts, and reining up to speak to common tradesmen. (Cersei VI, AFfC)
--
"You're not supposed to leave the column," Sansa reminded her. "Father said so."
Arya shrugged. "I didn't go far. Anyway, Nymeria was with me the whole time. I don't always go off, either. Sometimes it's fun just to ride along with the wagons and talk to people."
Sansa knew all about the sorts of people Arya liked to talk to: squires and grooms and serving girls, old men and naked children, rough-spoken freeriders of uncertain birth. Arya would make friends with anybody. This Mycah was the worst; a butcher's boy, thirteen and wild, he slept in the meat wagon and smelled of the slaughtering block. Just the sight of him was enough to make Sansa feel sick, but Arya seemed to prefer his company to hers. (Sansa I, AGoT)
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Ohhhh if you’re taking writing prompts how about enemy chefs to lovers Polin?
Before I get into this, let me clarify that I am of the belief that if they don't try to kill each other at least once, then it's not enemies to lovers. Now that that's out of the way, this gives me an idea. Also partly inspired by @thekatebridgerton post of the siblings being embodiments of the 7 (8) deadly sins.
Penelope grew up in a family where every generation, one child would be born to be eaten by the gluttonoust demon whose domain bordered her family's ancestral lands. Well technically they were raised to be the one who cooks for the demon but when it always ends with them being devoured instead it doesn't really matter does it?
Typically, this role should have been taken on by the second born, Penelope's older sister Philippa, but instead, Penelope's mother had convinced her father to make Penelope the sacrifice instead.
"You're smarter than your sisters," Portia had told her the night it was announced. "Clever. If any of you have a chance of killing the demon it is you Penelope."
From that point on, Penelope learned how to make different dishes from things like mince pies, biscuits, and her personal favorite eclairs. She knows how to prep all different kinds of meat from farm raised animals to game to fish. She knows which fruits are ripe and which still need time. Portia made sure Penelope knew how to use a knife and which plants mixed well for flavor and which would end a life if mixed together.
"Remember, Gluttony will always want to consume more," Portia would remind her daughter. "There is no such thing as never enough."
Finally, on the day of her 18th birthday, the day came where Penelope would present her first meal to the demon. She decided to go with a fish covered in a basil and lemon cream sauce. Some roasted potatoes and vegetables. A loaf of dark bread, wine, and mixed berry eclairs for dessert.
All that was left was to bring it to the forest and pray he eats it instead of her. Carefully, she packed everything into a basket. She had to be at there by sunrise after all.
"Pen wait!" Penelope's youngest sister, Felicity, called out. The eleven year old ran down the stairs with a package in her arms.
"Litty!" Penelope exclaimed. "What are you doing awake? The sun has yet to rise."
"I wanted to give you your birthday present," Felicity said, holding up the package.
Penelope set her stuff down and carefully opened the gift. Inside was a beautiful set of kitchen knives. Every single one sharp and ready for use. "Oh Litty."
Felicity hugged her sister. "The blacksmith promised me they are extra sharp. So maybe, maybe you can come home soon."
Penelope hugged her sister tighter. Even if she could get rid of the demon it wasn't guaranteed she live too.
"I'll try," Penelope promised.
That seemed to be good enough for the eleven year old as she gave Penelope one last hug before waving her off.
In the forest, where Penelope was to meet her new master sat a table directly over the border between her family's lands and the demons. It is where her relatives in the past have presented their first and often times last meal to the demon of Gluttony.
It is where Penelope sets up the meal as the first rays of light spill across the land behind her. It is also where Penelope sees her new master for the first time.
Gluttony honestly looks like any other man Penelope has seen, a rather handsome one, but still a man. Penelope would put him at around 6 feet with dark chestnut hair and green eyes. His beauty, though, screamed dangerous to Penelope. Like a poisonous snake whose pretty colors serve as a warning to the venom they carry.
Now that snake sat across from Penelope at the table.
"Ah are you my new mortal?" Gluttony asked.
Penelope bowed her head. "Penelope Featherington, my lord."
The demon picked up the fork Penelope placed and dug in. He let out a moan tasting the food. "Delicious, and thank you for not poisoning it like some of your other relatives."
Well that's one plan Penelope shouldn't rely on.
Gluttony bit into the eclair. "Are you not eating?"
Penelope shook her head. This had to be some sort of test, right? Gluttony doesn't share. "No, my lord, I know sharing food isn't something you do."
Gluttony's eyes lit up. "I don't share huh?"
Penelope found herself on her back, staring up into green eyes. A piece of the eclair was being pressed into her lips. The same piece that Gluttony held in his own lips.
What is he doing? Gluttony always wants more so what is he getting more of out of this?!
Penelope found herself frozen on the grass. She tries to command her hand to reach for anything that can help her. She can't breathe. She opens her mouth to take a deep breath, but that only entices Gluttony to push the eclair further in.
Penelope felt her hand brush against her basket. Somehow, she reaches inside and grabs the handle of one of Felicity's gifts. Her grip firmly secured Penelope plunges the knife into the demon's side.
Gluttony, still on top of Penelope looks down at his side.
Oh shit. Well, she's definitely getting eaten.
"Lord Gluttony I-"
Penelope is cut off by the demon's chuckle.
"Gluttony is my sister," the demon said, looking back down at Penelope. Without even flinching he pulled out the knife. "I'm Wrath."
Penelope's eyes widen. "But the food-"
The demon Wrath only smirked. "I'm a growing boy, and you mortals have such delicious food."
Colin grinned down at the little mortal underneath him. Oh, she had no idea of the courting ritual she just initiated by stabbing him. He's going to have fun playing with her.
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The Cullens don't eat, but what were their favorite foods when they were human?
Sources for more reading: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6
Carlisle - So, foods in the 1600s weren't exactly the greatest. Carlisle ate better than most, but it was still meager. There was a lot of mutton and venison, oats and other grains; lots of spinach and sorrel and stews. He was quite fond of fruit pies as a dessert, when they could afford them.
Esme - Honestly? Esme was quite fond of Oreos; the little cookies were first released in 1912 and she adored them. In fact, she liked most sweets, especially Angel Food Cake and these apricot biscuits that her mother used to favor.
Edward - Edward remembers liking pork a lot as a child, when his mother would cover them in bread crumbs and fry them in oil. He was also a fan of glazed carrots and liked caramel candies.
Rosalie - she loved baked apples, especially when drizzled with honey. Grapefruit was also quite popular then, and she remembers eating them a lot for breakfast when they were sprinkled with sugar. They were very lucky to have food on their table at the time, and she remembers eating a lot of fried egg sandwiches, glazed ham, and potato soup.
Emmett - They didn't have access to a lot of foods, so there was a lot of tinned meats and vegetables that his mother grew in their garden. His family is Scotch-Irish, so he ate a lot of cabbage and corned beef, which he loved. He remembers colcannon most fondly, that spiced mixture of potatoes, turnips, and carrots.
Jasper - food was rationed for Jasper as a soldier in the Civil War. There was a lot of molasses, hard tack, and salt. Wheat and cornmeal were quite common, so if he had to choose, he thinks that he misses cornbread the most. It was such a simple dish back then, a rare delicacy when they could have access to sugar.
Alice - she misses seafood most of all. She vaguely remembers eating fried fish and brown rice. She also misses certain fruits, like cherries and strawberries.
#cullen family headcanons#the cullens#twilight saga headcanons#edward cullen#twilight renaissance#twilight saga#carlisle cullen#esme cullen#alice cullen#jasper hale#emmett cullen#rosalie hale
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Clingy Roomates Oneshot NSFW
Clingy! Satoru Gojo x Fem! Reader
a/n: This does contain sexual themes. Fluff is everywhere. Satoru is extremely touchy and clingy. Slight angst referring to Suguru. Satoru does walk in to see Y/N naked. This alternates between 3rd person and Y/N's POV. Y/N gets cream pied.
"Oops," Satoru says with a mischievous grin. "Didn't mean to interrupt," he has a bad habit of not knocking before entering your room.
Maybe agreeing to be roommates with him right after high school wasn't the best idea, but his company was appreciated.
"Are you ready to grab a bite?" He sometimes acts more like your boyfriend than your roommate, constantly urging you to go out and cuddling with you on the couch. But deep down, he's just trying to fill the void left by Suguru. He's afraid you'll leave him too. You're all he has.
About 2-3 months ago, Suguru disappeared from both of your lives. Leaving nothing but a note and his cell phone for Satoru to find in the kitchen of their once shared home. Ever since then, Satoru has moved in with you, finding the quietness of his once shared home painful.
"TORU!" I yelped. "I'M NAKED, KNOCK NEXT TIME!" I squealed, trying to cover myself up with whatever I could find. My cheeks dusted with pink as I stare at him in disbelief.
"Sorry," Satoru says, chuckling softly. "Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." He backpedals out of the room, leaving you feeling a bit embarrassed, but also somewhat reassured that he didn't take advantage of the situation. You take a deep breath and finish getting dressed, trying to shake off the awkwardness of the moment. As you step out of your room, you catch sight of Satoru cooking in the kitchen. He's dressed in a white shirt and black sweatpants, a pink apron wrapped around his neck and torso, with the words "Kiss The Chef" written across. He turns around and flashes you a warm smile. He motions for you to come over. You hesitate for a moment before joining him at the kitchen island. The smell of food is comforting, and you can't help but feel grateful for your clingy roommate who always seems to know just what you need.
As you sit down next to him, he places a plate in front of you, steam rising from the delicious-looking meal. The pasta is cooked, perfectly al dente, and coated in a savory sauce with bits of tender meat. You can't help but look up at him with appreciation.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you 'Toru, I was caught by surprise, please don't be upset." I said as I rubbed the back of my neck. Feeling guilty about my previous actions, I put my hand on top of his, feeling his warm and soft yet scarred hands.
"It's okay," Satoru reassures you, squeezing your hand gently. He chuckles softly before taking a bite of his food. You follow suit, savoring the flavors on your tongue. The pasta is perfectly cooked, and the sauce is tangy yet sweet, reminding you of the times Geto would come over, seemingly attempting to teach you how to cook.
You feel a pang of sadness wash over you, but Satoru's warm presence next to you helps ground you in the present. As you continue eating, you find yourself relaxing a little. Maybe being around your clingy roommate isn't so bad after all. You glance up at him, noticing the gentle way he's chewing his food, the way his eyes light up when he talks about something he's passionate about.
There's something about Satoru that draws you in, even if it's different from the intense connection you had with Geto. You decide that tonight, you'll give him a chance to explain why he's acting the way he is. After all, maybe he just needs someone to lean on too.
We finished our pasta in a comfortable, warm silence. As I grab our bowls to start washing the dishes, I feel 2 familiar hands wrap around my waist. Satoru's chest pressing against my back as I feel him snuggle in the crook of my neck, white soft hairs tickling my cheek. "So, do you want to talk about why you've been so clingy recently?" I say in a gentle tone, a smile creeping onto my lips as I breathe in his expensive yet comforting cologne.
Satoru hesitated for a moment before he exhaled softly, his warm breath tickling your neck... "I can't help it. You're just so amazing, and I want to be with you all the time." He shifted slightly, his arms slightly tightening around you. "But please, give me a chance. I want to take care of you, and I want to make you happy." He lifts his head from your shoulder to kiss the top of your head.
His words sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but feel a strange surge of emotion welling up inside you. You turned around to face him, your faces inches apart. Satoru's eyes widened slightly at the sight of you so close, his face flushed with an adorable blush. He reached up to gently cup your face, his thumbs brushing against your cheekbones.
"Anytime.." he paused.
"Anytime what?" I looked at him, admiring his features.
Most people found Satoru's presence intimidating, mainly due to his height, but under that is just a soft, gentle, giant. His eyes were the prettiest shade of blue. I always loved getting lost in those eyes of his. I gently raise my hand to cup his cheek, rubbing my thumb against his soft skin.
"Anytime you need me," he whispers, leaning in to press your lips against his, leaving a gentle and soft kiss. As you pull away, a small smile plays on your lips. You can feel Satoru's heartbeat quicken under your touch, and it sends a wave of warmth through your body.
I wrap my arms around his neck, tippy toeing to shower his face with kisses.
Satoru's hands snake around your waist once more, pulling you closer. He leans over, his lips brush against your neck, sending shivers down your spine. He nuzzles into you, inhaling your scent.
"I will always be there for you. I never want to lose you." He said.
Your heart swells at his words. You know there is still healing to do, both physically and emotionally, but with Satoru by your side, you feel optimistic about the future. You press your body against his, feeling the gentle warmth of his skin.
The soft texture of his clothed chest is enticing, and you can't help but wonder what it would feel like to touch it bare. Satoru's hands move from your waist to your back, and then down to your bottom, squeezing gently. He pulls you closer, his erection pressing against your thigh.
You sigh contentedly, pressing your body against his, wanting more. You know that with Satoru, you have found someone who will cherish and protect you. And for the first time in a long time, you felt at peace.
He pulls you into a kiss once more. This time long and needy. The kiss deepened, soft moans escaped from the two.
My hands ran through his soft hair. I pull away from his kiss, looking at his eyes, his beautiful eyes with a soft expression on my face. "Satoru... Please.. I need you in me." I said. Lust filled both of our eyes. He doesn't hesitate to pick me up and bring me to his room, where he gently placed me on his bed.
Satoru removed his shirt, revealing his toned torso, and the soft pattern of hair that trailed down to his navel, your heart skipped a beat.
You took off your own shirt next, eager to feel his skin against yours. Your bra came off with a gentle pull, and Satoru's eyes were drawn to your perky breasts, already hardened with desire. He helped you undo it, and then stepped out of his pants, releasing his member from his boxers. It was already fully erect and glistening with pre-cum. You marveled at its size, the thought that it would be inside you sent a jolt of electricity through your body.
He alined himself up as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple. As he's pushing his hips forward, you gasped at the sensation of being filled up so completely, but also moaned in pleasure. He began to thrust slowly, his hips meeting yours in perfect rhythm. You wrapped your legs around his waist, digging your heels into his back, urging him to go deeper. His tongue found its way into your mouth, dancing with yours.
Soft moans escaped my lips, as I feel him completely fill me up. '''Toru.. please.. come in me." I said desperately. "I need you, I need all of you." I said, moaning his name.
Satoru groaned at the sound of your voice, and with one powerful thrust, he plunged his whole length into you, filling you completely. He let out a deep moan of pleasure as he felt you tighten around him. It was a sensation that sent shivers down his spine.
His hips began to move faster, his body rocking against yours in a rhythm that was both primal and passionate. You felt him hit your sweet spot with every thrust, eliciting gasps and moans from both of you.
Satoru reached around to touch your breast, pinching the nipple gently as he continued to pound into you.
The friction between your bodies was creating a heat that seemed to consume them both. Their breathing became heavier, their moans louder, as their bodies moved together in a frenzy of desire. He moved his hand down to stroke your clit, adding another layer of pleasure to an already intense experience. The feeling was overwhelmingly amazing, and it wasn't long before you both climaxed together, crying out each other's names as wave after wave of pleasure washed over them. They collapsed onto the bed, still connected and panting heavily. Their hearts beat in unison as they looked into each other's eyes, their souls truly connecting for the first time.
"I love you 'Toru," I said. I stared at him, my eyes full of love. Satoru looked into your eyes, his heart racing. He pulled you closer, his lips pressing against yours in a deep, long, and passionate kiss. You could feel the love and desire that flowed between you, binding your souls together. As the moments passed, the kiss became slower and more tender, a reflection of the love that had been growing between you. You both knew that this was just the beginning of a beautiful journey together.
#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#jujutsu gojo#jjk#jjk x reader#jjk x fem!reader#gojo x female reader#jjk smut#angst#fluff#jjk fluff#jjk angst#slight angst#fem reader
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New au, yandere au.
Wally: what happened to my bully, Rob.
Other YJL members, looking at Robin from behind the kitchen counter.
Robin: I don't know what you're talking about, last time I checked he's alive, isn't he?
Wally: he is, but he flinches when I get near him, he moved desks if he can which is bad for him since I was his easy A in chemistry. So, what the hell did you do.
Dick: I'm not even talking about this. *Gets up to leave, gets pinned to the wall by Wally.* You know I can hurt you to get out of this.
Wally: you won't, now tell me what did you do.
Dick: ugh, fine. I, as my other self, told him to never touch you again or his mother was going to eat meat pies using his meat for it. I wasn't going to stand this bully bullshit anymore.
Teammates: *softly gasp*
Wally: you shouldn't have done that in the first place, if I wanted to protect myself I could have, now people are wondering what I did and there's eyes on me, what time did you do it.
Dick: at 18:00.
Wally: American time.
Dick: ugh, 6pm.
Wally: thanks, *kiss Rob forehead* noe behave you psychopath.
Dick: whatever.
Wally left to tell Barry how far too go back, Dick following him, the teammates left in shock.
Artemis: we're never eating whatever he cooks.
Everyone but Kaldur: agreed.
Kaldur: at least he's alive.
Them, looking at Kaldur.
Kaldur: I have history with them, remember?
Them: oh, yeah...
#dick grayson#wally west#birdflash#kaldur'ahm#young justice league#yjl#yandere!Dick Grayson#yes wally is aware of his boyfriend being a yandere#so is roy and kaldur#a dish at international time for Nebby#and meat pies for bae
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horrified to discover the dairy pie warmer isn't a universal experience. wydm you don't have a little heated unit in your dairy/corner store/whatever that has hot meat pies (veggie/vegan often increasingly) and sausage rolls. like. i know a lot of other places don't do meat pies but. no samosa or burrito? what do your tradies eat? what do you do when you're in the suburbs at 2pm and you're fuckin ravenous if you're not grabbing a spinach and feta roll out the dairy pie warmer.
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World Meeting (pt. 1)
England: *Enters the meeting room* Right, I want to address a particular Tweet as today’s meeting topic…
*All Nations stop what they’re doing to look at England*
England: Just last week, I read a Tweet from a *specific* individual, talking shit about my food.
*All Nations groan, America snickers to himself*
England: *Narrows eyes at America*, I’ll have you know, my ‘Pie and Mash’ is a good, hardy meal and a British classic!
America: *Stands from his desk with a cheeky grin* Come on dude, don’t tell me you actually look forward to eating dry ass meat pies covered in nuclear green gravy and a side of wall paste~. *He laughs mischievously*
England: WHY YOU CHEEKY BAST-
France: *Clears his throat* Mon amie~, I’m forced to agree with America…unfortunately.”
England: *Snaps his head towards France* WHAT!? Says you, you snail sucker! Your food is overrated and overly complicated to make.
France: *Clutches pearls* Sacré bleu, you heathen! At least my food is desired for and doesn't make people fat, no~?!
*America and England both glare at France*
America: Excuse me bro...?
*Germany stands up and places hands on table*
Germany: Now's not the time to talk about frivolous topics as such. The three of you, sit down und shut up!
America: Hmph, says you. You think it's perfectly okay to eat boiled sausages with boiled potatoes and noodles with no seasonings.
*Germany gasps and gets taken a back*
Germany: DON'T TALK SCHEISSE ABOUT MY FOOD, YOU LARD COVERED ARSCHLOCH!
France: And no, covering everything in mustard or paprika doesn't count~.
*Germany is fuming like a hot baked potato*
England: Hehe~. Now you know how I feel in this situation, you bland Kraut!
America: HAHA! And your beer tastes terrible~.
*Everyone deadass looks at America*
America: What?
Russia: That's some bold words coming from you, Америка~. Germany's beer is pretty good, your beer tastes like man pissed into bottle before closing it.
America: HEY! At least my food is well seasoned and diverse...
China: Yeah right, your shit is just our stuff but with too much sugar and salt.
*All Nations nod their head in agreement*
America: No it isn't! I just like lots of flavor....
*England looks over at America's Stanley cup on his desk*
England: I bet that coffee cup is filled to the BRIM with pure sugar and syrups, you fat ass.
America: Nah dude, it's filled with my *:･ﾟ✧special sauce*:･ﾟ✧.
*America opens up his giant cup filled with sauce*
America: It's a combination of ranch, hot sauce, chicken tender sauce, tangy BBQ sauce, ketchup, mustard, mayo, bacon bits, chipotle, sour cream, sweet n' sour and chili sauce~.
*Everyone looks in horror at America's concoction*
England: What in the ACTUAL FUCK AMERICA ?! Why do you have a huge ass cup of JUST SAUCE?!
America: To quench my thirst, of course!
*Everyone's jaw drops in disgust, some start to gag*
Russia: I should have bombed you when I had chance...
America: Nah, I'm just playing! It's for my chicken tenders.
*America pulls out a box of fast food chicken tenders out of coat pocket*
Germany: WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT WITH YOU?!
America: It's my snackies :3c , this is the sauce I use for everything! Like tacos, burgers, pizza...
*North Italy faint after hearing 'pizza'. South Italy gasps and tends to his brother.*
South Italy: You sick fuck, you always fuck up our beloved pizza and pasta!
America: Wha- no I don't!
South Italy: You are the bastard that put pineapple on pizza and fucked it all-a up!
America: Actually, that's Canada's invention...
South Italy: WHAT?!
*Everyone looks at Canada*
Canada: ...damn it. It's really not that bad, honestly.
South Italy: You're just as bad as your brother!
Canada: Fair...
*America gets on the desk and stands on it*
America: How about we once and for all decide who has the best food in the world and that person can talk all the shit they want about other countries food!
*All Nations agrees to the motion, except for Germany*
Germany: Gott in Himmel... *facepalms*
(to be continued...)
#hetalia#hetalia world stars#hetalia axis powers#hetalia headcanons#aph america#aph england#aph france#aph germany#aph russia#aph china#aph italy
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