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yxami · 1 year

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Idea of a yandere who is bullied by his darling, a sadistic reader. The reasons why the yandere enjoys being mistreated by his darling, is bc he’s masochist and obviously, a yandere crazy of love for the reader :3

The yandere it’s soo delusional, like, reader pushes him hard in the school hallways, and he thinks it's because reader accidentally bumped into him, and ofc, he gets to shake like a maniac from the interaction with his beautiful (she’s not. Is a fucking bully with everyone on the school) and perfect darling.

I want a really toxic reader so badly!! A reader who abuses, manipulates, and mistreats. There is no apparent reason for her sadism, the reader is that kind of person who was born violent.

I love that you made your request long! This idea is adorable I couldn’t help but make the writing a lot about his little delusion’s. If he becomes an oc I’m planning to call him Caleb but if anyone has a better sounding name then feel free to say it in my inbox!

Description: yandere masochist x female reader, heavy delusion, bullying, yandere themes, abusive themes, manipulation, insults, lots of cursing if anyone’s wondering, etc etc.

You always knew you were someone who struggled with anger. You made no effort to fix yourself, why did it matter? If someone told you that you were rude as hell and you were going to end up alone you’d grace them a punch to the face and flip them off telling them they were fucking stupid.

Sure you had a lot of issues even more than anger ones but if you couldn’t care less about your anger then why would you care about the rest? It’s others who have to fix themselves to fit your standards!

Nobody had the confidence nor heroic traits to stop you for what you do. So you just terrorized the school without consequences. Teachers would say something every now and then but your father was the biggest donor to the school’s funds so they kept quiet.

Living that plush spoiled life didn’t help with your attitude. You were never taught that it was wrong so why does it matter?

“It matters because you’re out of fucking line! Jesus, you’ve been picking on that kid for a month!” A friend of yours was now retaliating against you for bullying a kid who practically asked for it.

“Oh shove your guilt up your ass, you’re acting like you didn’t bully the shit out of that kid too!” You pushed your friend, agitating them further.

“Tch, whatever. When you’re rotting alone, you’ll see how fucked up you are” Your friend stormed off, nobody caring enough to see the loud bickering that had just ended.

“Stupid bitch, acting all morally now” You cursed under your breath. You spotted two pathetically familiar eyes that you would always find landed on you.

You had to let out your anger somehow. You charged towards him and he held his books close to him but didn’t say anything nor flee, he never did.

You were coming up to him! Were you gonna ask for homework answers! You were so cute when you were stubborn about getting them! Sometimes you would get a little irritated so you would slam him against lockers. He loved when you did that, he loved every inch of attention he got from you. You must’ve known he loves when you slam him against something in a loving way!

“The hell are you looking at?” You grabbed the collar of his shirt pinning him against the cold metal lockers. He was probably the most fucking annoying and relieving person to go to when you were angry. A little doll that you could treat however you wanted and would never leave the confinements of your desired place for it.

“N-nothing!” He tried to cover the blush on his face. He was so embarrassed you were so close! You must want to be more affectionate with him! It’s been about a month since you started focusing your attention onto him! You must be ready for the next step, he was just so worried he wouldn’t be able handle it!

“You sure? Cause I saw you staring at me and my friend. Do you have something to say?” Your icey cold glare was scanning the intent behind this stupidly submissive classmate.

“J-just.. uhm.. I—“

“Speak up, stop stuttering like an idiot” You held onto his shirt tighter and pulled him closer to you. He seemed even more scared from what you saw. If only you saw that he was sweating and blushing under your warm touch! His thighs felt like jello under your influence!

The bell rung and all students had returned to their proper classrooms. All but you and your unfortunate victim. Time passed slowly in his eyes, his books had already fallen out of his hands, all that was needed was for him to speak.

“I just noticed that the two of you were arguing! That’s all” He managed to ramble his words out before you let go of his collar. He was much more relaxed without you so close to his face. He probably wouldn’t be able to handle another second of your touch!

“That’s none of your fucking business, so stop eyeing me like some stalker.” You poked in the middle of his chest, emphasizing your words that clearly told him to fuck off. You would never want your favorite victim to actually go away though, then who would you tease and torment when you were bored!

He was so happy you insisted you didn’t need his supervision! You were always an independent woman! He was just watching because he was annoyed about that friend having the audacity to speak out against you! He was obviously going to always stalk and watch you but you didn’t have to know even if you asked him not to!

“O-okay! I’m so happy that you noticed me! You haven’t said anything to me all day so I was worried.. that you were mad at me!” He laughed off his worries. He honestly thought you were ignoring him! He frowned at the idea earlier once it popped up in his head. But look at you! Talking to him and touching him… He was so silly for thinking that.

“You’re so creepy and stupid, you’ll never understand what I’m doing to you, huh?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question, you wanted an answer, and you knew you were going to get one.

He knew you were upset because of the homework answer he gave you! He didn’t do well because he was too distracted with your beautiful stare on him while he worked on it.

“You’re so pretty when you scold me! I promise I’ll further my studies so you’re impressed! I know the C I got on the homework assignment wasn’t good but it was because—“

“I’m not talking about the homework! I’m talking about me bullying you. Are you dumb or just deaf?” You grabbed his shirt again, pulling him closer. You relished in his reaction, finding it funny.

“I don’t mind! I love you and I don’t care how you treat me!” He fawned over how close your face was. He felt his cheeks warm up and he couldn’t help but squirm a bit.

“Really? Would you do anything for me?” You leaned towards him and let go of his shirt. His back pressed against the lockers and his blush grew.

“Yeah! Anything!” It was like god himself blessed him knowing that he would love to prove his love for you by granting you anything you wanted. No matter if it meant getting his hands dirty.

Your question was nerve racking though! Were you going to initiate something? Right here?! That’d be so embarrassing for his first time to happen in a school hallway but he would do that for you! Even if it was crazy, he was crazier after all!

“Tch, yeah right. Fucking idiot” You mumbled pushing him aside and walking off in the opposite direction to your class. You’d probably get scolded by your dad for being tardy since your teacher couldn’t be bothered to do that.

You decided to cut the bullying short because of that. Maybe you’d ask him to run some errands for you tomorrow, even though you had butlers for that. It was much more enjoyable to see his frantic face.

His hands caught his fall as he was pushed aggressively by you. His heart was beating out of his chest, soaking in all of the events that just happened. His eyes did not waver and were pinned against your disappearing figure.

He loved you so much it hurt to see you walk away, but god was it amazing to sense that feeling after you’ve pushed and insulted him. He could feel a tent pitch up in his pants. He had to deal with this since you weren’t quite ready to bless him with help.

#yandere #yandere x you #yandere x y/n #gn reader #male yandere #delusional #delusional yandere #yandere delusions #bully reader #yandere masochist #yandere scenarios #pls request #yandere imagines #manipulation #female reader #fem reader #calebmyoc

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glitchyko · 3 months

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I’ve decided to just go wild and start showing off my ocs and stories here that I’ve had in my brain and have made art for, even if they make absolutely no sense, starting with my oc that arguably makes the least amount of sense, but I still love her despite that, Xiǎodàn

To explain what’s up with Xiǎodàn, she kind of started as a sort of silly what if thought I had that went something along the lines of, “What would happen if someone was like, born in the scroll?” I’m not sure how to explain it, but before I knew it I was just running with the idea and Xiǎodàn is the result of that-

I’m still working out some of the details of Xiǎodàns story, but I have a sort of general idea of her backstory and her family’s to an extent

So this story starts with Xiǎodàn’s mother, Xīcai, who was a celestial maiden, though she was only a servant/attendant, nothing too grand or special. But she was forced into assisting in a crime (this is one of the things I’m still thinking on) and was caught and sentenced to be imprisoned in the memory scroll, however her punishment was reduced to be only temporary since it came out that she wasn’t helping of her own free will

But when Xīcai was eventually released from said scroll, two things were different about her now, one being her divinity was taken away from her (this was part of her punishment) and she was pregnant-

To explain that Xīcǎi, falls in love with a man who is a apart of the ink scroll (he’s the memory of someone else, I don’t really know how to explain it, ink scroll stuff is hard to explain, but basically he’s not the actual guy, but a memory of him) and stuff happens from there that leads to Xīcai to be expecting when she’s freed from the scroll

So now that she’s a mortal woman, and soon to be a mother, Xīcai works her ass off building a life, getting a home and job and integrating into the mortal realm and raising her daughter, who she named Xiǎodàn, and her daughter looks and acts completely like any mortal human kid would

That changes after Xiǎodàn’s 13th birthday

One day, Xiǎodàn noticed on the very tip of her middle finger, was a small black mark, that no matter how much she scrubbed and wiped it, wouldn’t go away. And with each day that passed, that black stain quickly got bigger and bigger and more appeared as well, and within a month or two, she was basically an ink person, though unlike the ink demons shown in s4, her body has more physicality, she’s got flesh, bones, etc, and her body doesn’t stain everything it touches

So while Xīcai is trying to figure out what to do about her daughters transformation and who she can go to for help, Xiǎodàn stays home and in her room most of the time, since she can’t go outside with her current appearance, cause of this, she’s grown incredibly lonely since she can’t see or talk to her friends in person now, the only person she can talk to face to face is her mom. One day at some point she’s just curled up in her room, and she mutters how she just wants someone else to talk to, before pressing her face into her knees, unaware of drips of ink on the floor slowly coming together and forming a small puddle, until a figure starts coming out of said puddle

It turns out Xiǎodàn can summon Inky (that’s what she calls the protective curse/ink MK) and de summon him whenever she pleases-

In a way Xiǎodàn is kind of like a walking scroll, she can create/summon ink people, but she can’t imprison people in the scroll (maybe she could if she had a piece of the scroll but I’m still deciding on this)

Xiǎodàn is not super eager to trust this ink monkey person who appeared in her room, and Inky isn’t super keen on trusting her either, though they are very curious about what exactly Xiǎodàn is and what she could be capable of, since she was able to bring them out of the scroll without a having a piece of it, and Xiǎodàn summoning inky and talking to them does make her wonder what exactly can she do (inky helps spark her curiosity) but she doesn’t tell Xīcai about this because she doesn’t want her mother to worry or freak out, and Inky advised her not to. So Xiǎodàn sort has Inky as a secret friend, summoning when she just wants someone to talk to about whatever.

One day inky is summoned by Xiǎodàn, and inky notices some bags are being packed and asks what are those for, and Xiǎodàn explains that her mom says they’re going to go to a city called Megaopolis to meet someone Xīcǎi says might be able help her, and when inky asks who, Xiǎodàn says he’s called the monkie kid and Inky just quietly says with a smile, “Interesting…”

And that’s all I’m gonna share for right now, I know this oc and this story don’t really make sense when you think about it, and there’s things I still need to decide on, but I wanted to share these here cause why not

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neteyamyawne · 1 year

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🪷 — Forever : Persistent

୭ ˚. Pairing : widow!JakeSully x fem!na'vi!reader

୭ ˚. summary : Request

୭ ˚. Parts : pt1 pt2 pt3

୭ ˚. Song : Becoming one of "the people"

୭ ˚. Warning : angst , fighting, cursing, mutual pinning, stubbornness , kinda rude y/n, fluffy ending, confession during argument, implied smutt, rude!Jake, kissing, war scene, insecurities, age gap, yelling, let me know if there are more 💚

୭ ˚. Word count : 4.3k , not proof read

୭ ˚. Note : oh my fucking god, this story has been a ride and I'm dead!

"word" - dialogue, word - thoughts

୭ ˚. Glossary : [syaksyuk] - monkey like creatures from Avatar, [kehe] - no, [ma'yawnetu] - my little loved/beloved one.

It's been 5 years seen we have been "mated", 5 years since i accepted my fate for the good, the day i stepped out of that healing tent i made a vow to never be the naïve girl that got me into this in the first place, to never depend on anyone for my protection, even if Jake gave me his word to protect and respect me but that is now in the past, the past where i locked out my old self in the darkest depth of my mind, creating walls over walls of hard exterior to prevent that once soft hearted y/n to never escape.

One day, that's all it took to change the entirety of my life, one word and everything crashed, my whole world flipped upside down I may have become cold and cruel to unsuspecting eyes but the moment i get home and see the faces of our children, their smiles makes every moment of my decision worth it, our children ,yes , even if not by blood, i made my promise to their mother that I'll treat them as my own and they were mine the moment they all were born, i had every single right to even call them mine as i was the only one parenting while Jake was too engrossed in his war plans, sometimes i don't even know if I'm wrong when i think he is forgetting his own kids, his behavior still hasn't changed a bit , his demeanor almost always a bit cold towards everyone, concealing emotions to an extent where his own kids became wary of him, even if we rarely talked i knew he was hiding everything he can until he can't, as he promised he gave me his respect and in return i acted like his perfect "mate", to the world we were a sweet overly in love joyous couple, always helping eachother out, wearing things that matched in the communal festivals all sunshine and sparkles, but the moment we entered our tent the act was over, only keeping it up when the kids are around so it doesn't cause any suspicion between them, as i said me and Jake talked occasionally this silence became a big part of our routine, some of the topics being gatherings, family dinners, raid strategies, kids health etc. Other than that there was nothing to talk about between us.

Even after years of neglect, years of protecting myself from him, that stupid and selfish side of mine fell for him, pathetic i know and i did my damn best to ignore whatever this attraction i felt towards him labeling it as a stupid crush and nothing else but look where i am now years later still pinning for the man who sees me nothing more than an acquaintance, a person who looks after his kids that's all i was to him, i closed my eyes, opening them to reread the war plan for the 10th time now, groaning i got up for a walk to silence the stream of thoughts that fixated on the man i lived with, walking out as clearly was in no state to work right now, reaching our tent i sat near the extinguished fire, staring at the blackened wood i was interrupted by tuk throwing herself on my back wrapping her arms around my neck as she exclaimed "Mommy, you're back!" I stopped , turning to her as i brought her in front of me as i spoke " tuk tuk, how many times have i told you not to call me that" as i caressed her cheek , she looked down sighing " but you are my mom now" shaking my head i knew there was no debating with her, she always got what she wanted but i still stopped her from calling me that whenever i can, even kiri called "mom" sometimes, even if that brings me joy to no extent i couldn't help but feel the guilt weigh down on my heart, i knew i could never take ney's place and i didn't even want to but i couldn't help but think that it was supposed to her who should be sitting here and the one who tuk should be calling "mom", i just gave her a smile and giving her another small indication to not call me that even if i knew she'd call mom again i let her go, turning to make today's dinner….

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I knew we had angered eywa by going behind her back, tricking the people into believing that we have mated but in reality we both just sat down near the tree of souls in complete silence not even daring to utter a single word, i cringed inwardly at the memory as i made my way towards the weavers tents where i kept the surprise necklaces i was making for tuk and kiri, as i made my way over , i knew eywa could get angry but i didn't know she was petty as well, couples and mates were littered throughout the whole route, it's been like this everywhere i went as if eywa herself was taunting me for the decisions i have taken, ignoring everyone i got inside the tent just nodding at the people who acknowledged me not saying anything i went to my spot sitting down and working on the unfinished necklaces, i knew there were whispers and gossips about me floating through the clan but hearing them first hand was different " she has changed so much now" - " 5 years together and still no child of their own tsk tsk" - "that's what I thought maybe the Olo'eyktan isn't satisfied enough by her-" - "how can he be? He was mated to neytiri, she is nothing compared to her" every word uttered from their mouths digged deep into my skin, temper shoots through my mind all those pent up emotion resurfacing but i dampened as i got up walking over to those women and gritted out "if you want to talk bad about me please do it right in front of my face not behind my back, I'll come to you as I'm all ears for your criticism when I'm done with my work because i have a life to live unlike yourselfs" their faces were palling rapidly as they weren't aware of my presence before i made it known to them, i stormed off to angry at myself for letting my temper take the best of me, i speed walked to my spot at the lake, as i sat down , the necklaces still in my fist while i stared at the water that ripped with the breeze, Eywa i shouldn't have done that, scolding myself mentally i let myself calm down, this is gonna end up rough ,i thought sighing…..

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I got back home just wanting to eat something and go to sleep, as i walked inn to give tuk and kiri their necklaces but to my surprise the whole tent was empty, worry gripped me as i turned around to go look was them, it's been 2 hours past eclipse by now everyone should be home, but i was stopped in my track as the last person i wanted to see on the entirety of Pandora stood in front of me , Jake walked towards me as i started "Jake where are th-" but me cut me " they are with mo'at for tonight, they wanted to spend the night there" i let out the breath i was holding

Turning around once again I went towards the fireplace but Jake's voice rang out stopping me " why did you do that?" I know what he's talking about but how did it spread so quickly? " I lost my temper and I don't want to talk about it," I said curtly, continuing my way to the fireplace as I sat down. " You yell at a clan member and you don't wanna talk about it? How's that gonna work?, Huh!" I just ignored him not having the energy to talk any longer but he didn't stop as he yelled " Talk to me!" And for the second time today I lost my battle to contain my anger down " You wanna talk? Then let's fucking talk Jake, tell me what the fuck do you want me to do? Huh! What in the name of eywa should i have done? I had to protect my honor because I don't have that person to do it for me! Okay? I lost my temper because I don't have anyone to just LISTEN TO mE!" He was taken aback a little by my outburst, i have never in my life yelled at someone, in raids yes but not like this, he recovered quickly a dark look replacing it " you knew what you're getting into all those years ago, i made myself cl-" , " i fucking know that Jake, i know why i took that decision because i made a promise to neytiri and it was her last wish to me to not break it, i won't let her down like that" my voice got smaller with each word " just stop okay? I don't have to energy to fight right now please just leave me alone Jake " with that i walked out , not wanting him to see the pathetic sight of me crying, i didn't know where i was going i just walked and walked till my legs got tired and i couldn't think straight as i sat down on a branch as i let everything out, once again all alone deep inside the forest so no one has to give me that unwanted sympathy…

It's been a few days after my fight with Jake and to be honest it's been a lot awkward sleeping in one hammock as the kids still didn't know about the fight, at first we slept differently but the kids got suspicious so we opted for one hammock with our backs turned to each other as tuk laid beside me because 'she can't sleep when I'm not with her', they have also picked up on the tension between us but no one said anything, today we had another raid, neteyam and lo'ak were meant to be spotters but lo'ak got on the war ground where i was covering for other warriors when i saw them, before i could even get to them the blast happen, neteyam was hit badly, lo'ak was dazed but i picked him up as i saw Jake picking up neteyam as we ran to our ikrans, ushering lo'ak on his, i got onto mine…..

I stood a little behind neteyam as Jake scolded both of them " I let you two geniuses fly and you disobey direct orders!? You two were supposed to be spotters not down there on the ground!" He yells and i knew i had to step in as blood dripped down neteyam's wound " enough Jake" he looked at me with a pointed glare but i didn't waver as i said " your son is bleeding" just as pointedly to get my message across, " ma, I'm fine, I'm okay" but i didn't hear any further, sparing one last glance at Jake i took neteyam to the healing tent, quietly giving him a piece of my mind as well while we walked, dropping him at the tent, i just watched from outside, i knew it wasn't his fault, lo'ak have always wanted his father's approval more than anything but his ways to approach it drove Jake even more insane, i sat down besides Jake while he cleaned his gun, as i said " you need to be more gentle on them, they are your kids not your soldiers'' he glared at me once again but this time it was a bit different, something softer in his eyes " you don't have to tell me how to raise my kids" i exhaled through me nose, hissing at him " you're hurting them Jake, can't you see? He looks up to you, he looks for your approval and all you do is shove him away!" This was the most civil conversation we had in a while, his eyes glassed over, a shadow coming over his face as he finally looked at me, my heart sunk at his next words " i thought i lost them y/n" i pressed my lips into a thin line as i dared to put a hand on his giving him a knowing nod, sighing i stood to, walking to our tent to clean up and make something for us to eat.

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~ Jake POV ~

All i could think about was her outburst, the way she screamed at me, god i wanted to hug and never leave her side but things were way easier said than done, i knew i liked her and i also knew that she didn't reciprocate it, she couldn't! So i kept my act up of being a total asshole to her, but i knew i fucked up good when i forced her to talk, pushing the buttons a little to far and then being stupid enough to be shocked as she snapped, i regret yelling at her but i didn't know what got into me in that moment, now this fiasco with neteyam and lo'ak, her confronting me with how they really felt about me, it just hung in silence inside my mind, i knew i was being hard on them but i had too, there is a war going on out there if don't teach them now then it would be too late to teach later…

I really try to talk to her but i chicken out everytime, i know even after being a clan's leader , their toruk makto I'm still afraid to confess to the women who literally lives with me and has been living with me for 5 years, we sleep in same hammock for god's sake and i still back out at the last moment, it's always the same story, i build up my courage picking up the newest creation i made for her almost walking up to her then letting my thoughts take over , what if she doesn't like this? What if she doesn't feel the same way? She's younger than me, definitely wouldn't want someone as old as me at all, and i would back out, now i have dozens of necklaces, armbands , earing, beads, tops and what not piled in a corner of our tent were no one is allowed to go, i can lead hundreds of warriors in one command but this? This was definitely not my cup of tea, even winning neytiri was not this hard. I have to make a move soon because I can see my time is running out but I don't know how….

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~ Y/n POV ~

Flying besides Jake as neteyam was right behind us as we petroled our borders, it was nice to finally fly for a while without so much stress, it was still there but a lot less, syaksyuk clung around chirping and hooting now and then, all in all it was peaceful….until i heard lo'ak voice calling out through the coms, his voice was hushed and i knew right away something was wrong i glanced at Jake as he was already looking at me when lo'ak spoke "devil dog, this is eagle eye, we are near the abandoned shack and there are 6-7 Navi but they are not one of us, dreamwalkers maybe, they are armed with ARs'' before Jake could respond i said " who are "we"?" There was a moment of silence before he spoke "me, kiri, spider…and tuk" and my heart dropped to my stomach as Jake instantly ordered him to fall back and to move out without a sound, neteyam hearing all of it as he said "sir, here i have short cut" and we both turned to follow him.

It was getting dark as we got their, they were captured, my heart was beating a mile per second, my mind only coming up with different ways to get them all out, it had started to rain as well so we had to fast, taking a deep breath i let out a chirping sound to notify them of our arrival, i situated myself on top of a branch as knocking in my arrow as i trained it on the soldier holding kiri, i looked down seeing Jake as he nodded and i let of my arrow, that's when all hell broke loose, jumping down i took down the two demons in front of me, taking hold of kiri and tuk i pulled them ahead of me, pushing them towards our ikrans, i stood back to a tree when i heard his voice " ahh, mrs. Sully, long time no see, looks like you were very busy looking at that litter of yours, why don't you come down here huh? Have a little chat, it's been a while after you killed me" i let out a hiss, he thinks he's talking to neytiri but i couldn't help myself as i said " I'll kill you a hundred times if i have to , demon" right as i said it i heard a crunch behind me as i whipped my head to look but a spray of blood hit my face as i saw Jake with his axe in the shooter's neck him long dead, as i twisted knocking my arrows one last time as i shot the two soldiers beneath me and i ran with Jake towards our mounts, i pulled kiri into me, as she sobbed in my neck, Jake's checked on lo'ak as i pulled in tuk as well, kiri sobbed for spider as he was taken, i silently sent a prayer to eywa to keep the boy safe, as we all mounted the ikrans, lo'ak with neteyam, kiri with Jake and tuk with me, tuk was shocked by all this as she clung to me , wrapping her arms around my neck as i kept her close to me, no one said a word all throughout the journey home…..

" We have to leave, there is no other way" Jake said as I stared at him, I knew he was back but this? Leaving the only home I've ever had? Leaving EVERYTHING I ever had behind? He had to be joking, "kehe, no, do you even understand what you're saying?" He just lets out an exaggerated sigh " i know what I'm talking about y/n, he is BACK, but now not only for me but my family as well, he will come here and destroy everything we have made all over again" and i just stood there " you can't ask me for this Jake, this is going too far now, i can't-" "Don't you understand? He will not stop till he gets to me, listen to me , we have to get out of here as soon as possible" and what i said next left him flabbergasted "NO! i will not leave my home in fear of him , we'll fight like we did last time, i will not leave, if you want to go you can, we have no bond stopping you, we had nothing to even begin with…..this is my home and I'll stand with it." He stared at me shocked, like he never expected me to say no but here I was doing just that! A new kind of determination came over his looks, i thought he was gonna turn around and storm out but what he did next left me speechless as he propelled forward connect his lips with mine, my eyes widen but i didn't break it, he slowly pulled back and said " i need you y/n, I've always needed you, you grounded me , you are my support, if it weren't for you i would have gone insane years ago, i need you by my side, i should have said this way earlier but now i can't lose you, please , you're all I've got, i can't do this without you, I've- I've loved you for years y/n but i was too afraid to say anything, please just think about this, we have to get out of here before he has a chance to get to us" i didn't have any words as he still held me in his arms, my heart beating so fast that i think it'll burst out of my chest, my fingers were shaking at their spot on his forearms as i stared at him, he tilted his head , his tail wrapping around my thigh, everything felt unreal, like time froze, tears lined my eyes while i fell to my knees…

He engulfed me in a hug as tears and sobs wrecked my body, years of pent up emotions coming out, he held me rubbing my back, supporting me,as i stopped pulling out and started hitting his chest and arms with whatever strength i had left in me, he took it all in as he just smiled, hugging me again he spoke " I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry for letting you go through all this alone, i see you, i really do, i know i should have been there through every step but i let my thoughts get in between, it's okay if you don't lik-" i shut him up as i kissed this time but pulled back just as quickly, getting up and away as a confused Jake Sully still sat on the floor, he frowned his eyebrows joining together but i simply pick up my bow and i said " a simple apology won't fix everything sully, you have to earn it" my back was to him so i didn't see him come up behind me as he puts his big hands on my hips turning me around looking at me with love sick eyes, keeping my bow down i put my hands on his chest , he gave the smirk i haven't seen in years, and pushed him back , letting out a sigh i said " I see you too Jake, and just like you i kept silent for years but you can't expect me to do this, this my home, my life! everything I've ever known, we haven't even made tsaheylu yet, and i respect your choice but i can't do this" he silently put his forehead against mine and i closed my eyes as he began " i know i said i won't make tsaheylu with you but all these years together, i have changed, really, you changed me and that too for good, i wasn't in a good state of mind back then but now i know" i opened my eyes to the silence but gasped as i saw Jake his queue in front of me, pulling my forehead back from his as i looked at him in the eyes " Jake are you really sure about this? I don't want to do it if it's only for the sake of all this!" But he just shook his head " No, ma' yawnetu, i mean it, i see you and i want to prove it, that is if you give me a chance too" i knew the water works were coming as i brought my queue in front of me, i looked at him seriously and he just nodded connecting our queues, it was a feeling I've never felt before, closing my eyes as it washed over me in waves, it was everything but nothing at once, i felt him and his love for me, his heart beat, his breath, his thoughts everything, fluttering my eyes open i looked at him again as he smiled down at me, i felt complete, he hugged me once again and i melted in it, pulling him as close as i can , sighing i let go, " c'mon we don't have all day, we have to move fast, I don't want that demon anywhere near my children" i walked away giving him a smile over my shoulder as i picked up my bow and went outside to tell the kids about the plans but found them huddled up against the side of our tent, ears pressed attentively, my guess is they were secretly listening instead of being with mo'at and they haven't heard me come out and i was right as i heard tuk say " why aren't they talking? Is mom crying again?" I came up behind them and coughed , all of them tensed up as they slowly turned their heads as i glared at them head tilted and neteyam started " I'm sorry ma, it's my fault-" "enough, everybody inside right now as i assume you've heard everything, we need to discuss and pack up". I know this is gonna be hard for them as it's for me but we have to, it's for everyone's safety, sighing i lead them all inn…..

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

I was lying besides Jake, as the kids were with mo'at spending their last night with their grandmother and giving an excuse for our privacy too, my head on his chest as we both stayed silent enjoying for once together, i chuckled as i thought about just yesterday when we slept with our backs against each other absolutely refusing to look and now i am lying almost on top of him, he looked at me confused as of why i was laughing, i just looked up and did the first that came to my mind, kissing him right on the lips as he reciprocated and deepening it, his hands moving to hips and waist, roaming up my chest as my own tangled in his hair, he licked my bottom lip and every wall i ever made tore down one by one, letting him inn as his tongue immediately dominated mine and i gladly caved in , breaking the kiss as he smirked at me, the question evident in his eyes and i nodded and that's all the confirmation he needed as he took over, as for tonight? I'll be busy but a different kind of busy……..

A/n : i fucking had so muchhh fun writing this fr 😭 some parts made me sad even tho i was the one writing it 😂 i hope i did good, i hope y'all like it ☺️🫶🏼 and 4.3k?!!! Wtf i didn't know when i even crossed 2k lmao

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli.

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sunsetschloe · 24 days

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The Poppy War Series

“How could she compare the lives lost? One genocide against another—how did they balance on the scale of justice? And who was she, to imagine that she could make that comparison?” --R.F Kuang, The Poppy War

I have so much to say about The Poppy War series. No amount of words will describe the feeling it left me when I turned the last page and broke a little inside, but I will try, because that's all I can do the lessen the heartbreak of reading this series:

Rebecca Kuang. No words will describe my adoration for her writing abilities. To be able to incorporate such beauty into such a dark tale is impossibly hard, and no words will describe my absolute respect for her. I absolutely loved her truthful portrayal of war, instead of just romanticizing cruelty, and how utterly blunt she was about the horrors that ordinary people faced during times of chaos.

Rin, Nezha, Kitay, Venka, etc etc. They were just children. That's all I can say. They were children that were no longer innocent because adults shoved swords into their hands, and told them to die for a cause. They were so fucking young when the responsibility of millions of lives was forced upon them, and no person should ever have to make a decision that had such impact, especially not some young people. I loved each and every one of them, and I also loathed the decisions they made, but at the end of the day, they were just children born into a fragile world of cruelty and darkness.

Rin

"Dying was easy. Living was so much harder--that was the most important lesson Altan had ever taught her" --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

From her choice in choosing to pledge Lore, till the end when she took her own life, I didn't like Rin. I didn't like her decisions, and I didn't respect how she treated her friends, but I did grow so SO attached to her as a character. I hated her for leaving Nezha with a shattered nation, but I also realized how much courage it took for her to take that route. Since she was born, survival mattered the most, always, and the fact that she chose to kill herself, with the interest of her country in mind, deserves so much respect. Yes, you could argue that she realized how hard surviving was, and chose the easy way out, but she was nurtured in a way that forced her to choose survival, to choose life, even if she wasn't truly living. Along with that, she also had Kitay's life bound to hers, so I don't think she made her final decision out of selfishness, but rather a willingness to sacrifice her life so that millions more would keep their own. As long as she was alive, the Hesperians wouldn't leave them alone, so she made her final decision for her country.

Nezha

“He knew exactly what choice she'd made and what she intended. And that made everything- hating her, loving her, surviving her, so much harder.” --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

I truly believe that Nezha only acted the way he did because he was fucking terrified of everything happening around him. Yes, he was bred for this, but nothing ever prepared him for the shit that was going to come his way. And when Rin was going to kill herself, his composed mask just faded and he revealed the fear he had in him all along. He was another victim of the fragility of society, and I truly hope that no matter what happened after the third book, he found his peace and order.

Venka

After her reappearance (iykyk), I was so terrified that she would die, or go through something just as traumatic again. AND SHE DID. I was trembling when Rin accused her of being a traitor, and the way she threw herself on top of Rin to save her just broke my heart. I refuse to believe that she sold them out and wrote the letters, because how could anyone be a traitor, and still be willing to sacrifice her life for the person accusing them of such things?? Since the truth will never be uncovered, I will live with the hope that she was innocent all along, because she's been through so much, and her legacy should live on clean and untarnished.

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trans-wojak · 1 year

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I swear to fucking god, do people even listen to themselves these days? Another stupid girl posting on Facebook that she’s supposedly “agender” but ain’t ever going to inform her parents about her precious gender identity because they won’t understand. That she will die without them ever knowing.

Do you know how privileged that is? Literally, your parents won’t even give a fuck. Why? Because you aren’t actually going to transition. Do you know what happens to ACTUAL transsexuals? We get kicked out of home, we get abused, our parents disown us. I was NOT put in conversion therapy and pushed back into the closet for fucking 9 years then made homeless just so some stupid girls can think “oh but I don’t feel like a girl, I’m fine with my sex tho” is on the same level as me.

My parents originally fucking were horrible to me, they put me in conversion therapy and you what that lead to? Me having such low self esteem that I believed being abused was normal, so normal that I got into a domestic violent relationship that lasted for 9 years. Conversion therapy actively encourages you to consider suicide as an option if you can’t live as your assigned sex. They break down your spirit, they basically try to convince you that you’re delusional. Leaving him meant I was left with NOTHING but not only that, I had already started testosterone and the changes were beginning to get too obvious for my dad to ignore. He literally made me homeless cause he refused to have me live with him until I could get my own place. Because now I wasn’t just looking like a dyke, I was now showing signs of true transsexuality.

Both my parents are better now, they have a lot of regret about treating me so poorly over my gender dysphoria - but they are not perfect. My mum will still run away and hide from people who knew me prior to my transition if I’m with her because she doesn’t want to defend me if they are nasty when they realise it’s [deadname] as a man now. My dad still uses she/her pronouns for me even though it makes people think he has dementia lol. He constantly thinks I’m going to kill myself because I will eventually regret my transition. He also thinks everyone can always tell that I’m trans even though I’m stealth in real life. He lets it slip that he thinks I will never find a partner, constantly tells my mum that he wishes I “just stayed as a lesbian butch woman**”. My mum thinks [deadname] and Mike are two different people, she thinks she lost a daughter, but gained a son even though I am the same person. She has said before that I killed her first daughter when we have arguments.

I am so sick of this non binary craze bullshit. Y’all don’t understand that transsexuals do not get the same benefits you do, you can hide being “trans.” You can put on your they/them pins at LGBTIBBQ meet ups but take them off to go back to your cis life. I cannot. My life is forever shaped by this bullshit, I am struggling so hard to change my name legally so EVERY TIME I do anything that requires that nonsense - people treat me like fucking shit. Cause they see a bloke in front of them but a legal female name, they know. Nurses are absolute trash to me if I ever go to the hospital because of my legal name. They use he/him until they see the paper work then do a condescending smile and use my deadname, she/her etc. Its rare that I have a decent nurse or doctor who ACTUALLY continues to treat me correctly.

Your non binary identity is based all on fucking sexist gender roles and without those, you wouldn’t have an identity. Mine is based on the fact my brain sex is male but my body was born female and I’m actively changing that to male.

We are not the same.

#personal #rant post #anti mogai #lgbt exclu #transmed #d slur mention

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the-owl-tree · 1 year

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PLEASE tear into moth flight's vision i am so interested in hearing ur thoughts about it

look at the time the fandom hyped up dotc so hard i got my hopes up and i vehemently hate this arc because of it. it is a hotbed of misogyny, ableism, shitty characters who are never portrayed to be wrong, abuse apologia, fatphobia, and did i mention the misogyny? like wow. they fucking hate women in this arc.

and i'll be honest when i went i first read moth flight's vision, i was already going in with a negative view because i hated dotc so fucking much...and i hated it! I ended up rereading it waaaaayy later and hated it AGAIN i have no clue why people put this arc or era on such a pedestal it sucked ass so bad. i want a written apology and financial compensation from the erins after i read it.

i know im being like a little dramatic but listen to me. i need everyone to hate this arc as much as i do.

Moth Flight's super edition is a mess of ideas, half-baked executions, and honestly...just bad? It doesn't convince the reader why a cat would be pushed to do this. Everything that goes wrong is because a) Moth Flight doesn't ask for help and b) Skystar, despite being redeemed, is a continuous antagonist that fucks over anyone for the sake of the plot.

The book is so afraid of having to deal with an actual redemption that Skystar is allowed to be the reason why Micah and Tiny Branch are killed yet the narrative refuses to foist any responsibility onto him. He's not allowed to be a villain, he's just there to service the plot then walk away scot free. Why? Why am I reading this??? What is the point of 6 books of this guy being an arrogant bloody dick with a half-baked redemption only for him to saunter out to cause problems with the books need it and don't even bother with sticking to him being an antagonist?! Anytime he's on screen I'm begging for someone to kill his ass already, I don't understand why the narratives tries to also push the blame on Moth Flight.

....speaking of her, her entire conflict doesn't work. Look, the idea of an individual problem leading to an entire societal wide change that cause more problems than it solves is interesting but the book doesn't sell it! The Clans are communal, she has tons of options in asking for help. The narrative is constantly patting my back saying see? see? she can't do it therefore it makes sense why she thinks no one can do it. It's an entire book of "how can a WOMAN raise her CHILDREN without her MAN" and the answer it gives us is: she can't :'( and by the end of the book i feel like i've been spit at. There's an overwhelming sense of disdain towards parents who ask for help (how Moth Flight treats Slate is cruel) and all of it is presented as in the right because the entire thesis is that despite living in a literal communal society where there's an entire rank dedicated to looking after children, single parents (read: mothers) are unable to look after children without a partner (read: the husband).

There's nothing wrong with a law being cruel or unfair, it actually adds to the story! It makes things interesting! But her entire story doesn't sell me on why the law was made, it makes me think more and more that the erins are really fucking weird about women (which has been made even more clear by that shitty kits & queens article no i will not let that go). But Moth Flight's conflict sucks ass, I don't buy it, and I feel I'm being shown one thing and told another.

I especially don't get why they didn't go with the obvious reason of having it be for superstitious/religious reasons (this shit is already so catholic, just go even further into the nun thing). Like, okay, here's my pitch of the law: kittens of medics are thought to be more at risk of curses/sickness/etc. Having it so Moth Flight's children share the same fate as other characters who are born to Medics: doomed to a life of suffering or go onto a path of destruction.

It wouldn't be true of course, the reason these children go off the rails is because the Clans expect them to but it would still be interesting!!

and that is my rant on this shitty super edition, thank you for asking :D

#warrior cats #deer rambles #this book is infuriating to read #the entire ARC is infuriating to read #i am not excited for riverstar's se because im so worried it's gonna follow into the dotc era shitty writing trends

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flowersofstarlight · 3 months

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Hi @ericaportfolio

If you’re reading this, I wanted to let you know about my thoughts about Nick Nack’s past and thinking about him having PTSD. I’ve been thinking a lot about Nick’s childhood and going through trauma and abuse by his father in your AU. And it kinda got me to psychoanalyze him and theorize what he’s feeling, what he’s afraid of and that he might be going through depression after he and the Handeemen manage to escape from Francis and his mob.

I’m not a therapist or a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I have learned a little bit about how the brain works when people have experienced schizophrenia, PTSD, trauma, etc. from the videos of Therapists reacting to Arcane: League of Legends, talking about Vi’s trauma and Jinx/Powder’s PTSD and schizophrenia. Both Moxxie from Helluva Boss and Hunter from The Owl House were also abused by their parent/guaridan like Nick. It might make sense to mention them having similar situation as Nick did.

This is going to be sad what I’m about to say and long to read, but take the time you need to check it out later and if you have some free time. And let me know your thoughts about this in the comments or reblog. I am curious what you think and I think Nick needs a lot of hugs.

So, after Mortimer and the others escaped from Fracis, Nick probably would be at home blaming himself for getting the others dragged into that situation with Francis and his mob. Obviously he didn’t know that he would see his father again and didn’t know what to do. He thought he got away and never had to go back to the place he grew up in. I feel like Francis’ manipulation has pushed Nick’s sadness to guilt, making him think that it’s Nick’s fault for what happened to his mother and what was about to happen to Mortimer and the others, the way Scar did to his nephew Simba.

If Francis told him things, when he was a child and internalized those messages in his head, Nick would have a hard time challenging them as an adult. He might still carry that guilt and what Francis said to him. He probably would feel like a burden to everyone in their life. Feeling like he carried so much weight on them to stress out and felt like the one who put them in danger. He would even hate himself because he didn’t ask for anything bad to happen to the Handeemen that got dragged into that mess, he didn’t ask to be born, and never asked to be the son of the Mob Boss.

Francis’ words and manipulation would be stuck into Nick’s head, and Nick would be going through depression, fear and probably hallucinate hearing negative words around him and having nightmares and trouble falling asleep. His mother Jancis, was very kind and loving to him, like the light that guides him and there to comfort him. But since Francis took that away from him, he would felt helpless and be treated like a toy or moved around like a pawn on the chessboard.

Nick might be thinking that it’s his fault for his mother to disappear because he is her weakness. Although Jancis does love her son dearly and wanted to protect him, it isn’t true that Nick is the responsible for her disappearance because he was (I assumed when he was eight) just a kid and didn’t do anything wrong to her. It was Francis’ choices that made Jancis disappear. And that affects Nick really badly, causing him to have PTSD, and Francis hitting his own son (like an abusive father he is) makes him never forget those scars and would haunt him forever.

Of course, Nick ran away to start a new life where he can be himself and follow his dream and years later, he found others who truly cared about him and like him the way he is like Valentino, Mortimer and the others. But after meeting Francis, Nick probably felt he does not matter to anyone and is just a problem that dragged others to get hurt because of him. He is sick and tired of being the victim and wants to bury that pain or other negative emotions down in the ground forever, but it gets worse. It really doesn’t help if you keep suppressing your own emotions.

He probably would push everyone away, so that they won’t get hurt again. But he needed to realize that bad things are going to happen to everyone, including the good people. He has people who cared about him, but that scared him the most because he’s afraid that Mortimer and the others will disappear like his mother or be killed or worse and that he can’t do anything but watch it happen right in front of him, and he thinks it’ll be all his fault because he did nothing and let it happen.

Valentino may not understand what Nick is going through or what it feels like to be in his shoes, but they can sympathize that because they were mistreated by someone who treats them like they’re nothing, but a tool or pawn. Before Val opened their own boutique, they used to work with their boss who is a famous fashion designer operating in London.

Valentino was extremely happy that they got the job to work with their idol and create the dresses and suits to show their creations. But after a while working with their idol, Val told Nick that they were getting abused and under so much pressure by their boss. Valentino felt they needed to be perfect around her and keep pleasing her to do what she demanded because they are one of her best designers to create new clothes that are worth selling. She was very manipulative to them and would steal their ideas, and also insulting their appearance. And Val once said to themselves, “If I don’t complain, if I do my best, if I do every simple thing she asks of me, maybe one day she will throw me a bone. Maybe one day, I will gain her enough satisfaction that she will give me the respect and show her gratitude.” Which obviously is not good, and is unhealthy relationship to have with someone.

They worked with her for almost 3 years and it really made Val feel miserable and felt like they haven’t rested since forever. It even made them forget about their family and why they do it in the first place. However, their boss is not just awful to Valentino, she is awful to every fashion designer who works with her and would fire her least favorite designer if she didn’t like what they created.

But after Val met a friend who was very kind and gave them the wisdom they needed to hear, Val was happy that they worked up the courage to quit and say “I deserve better” and walk away from a toxic relationship. After they quit, they felt a lot happy like they haven’t been that happy for so long. Now they get to reconnect with their family and catch up for lost time, they find peace and went to therapy to talk about their emotions they felt working with their idol (well, used to be their idol). Val gives Nick advice to go to see therapy that their old friend could help.

Nick needed to realize it wasn’t his fault for putting the Handeemen in danger and his mother disappearing. He needs to see that he’s not alone and has people who are there to support and care about him. He also needed to be honest and show his vulnerability to himself and others to grow as a person. And have self-acceptance, opening up, and relinquishing his fears to build trust and honesty with others.

I think if Nick will give time to heal, he’ll finally start accepting the past and move on. And maybe he’ll be able to let go and find peace and he’ll be okay despite everything that happened.

It would be interesting to see his character development grow, seeing him standing up to his father, fighting back to protect his loved ones, seeing Riley and Nick working together to escape, and helping others to escape from Francis and his mobs. And maybe it would be cool to see Nick vs Francis if it’s possible. You know, like fight scenes. But knowing that Mortimer’s Handeemen is a kids show, I don’t think they’ll allow that. But if they do, the battles would probably be similar to Muppets as long as it is not dark, not too violent or inappropriate to watch for the kids.

Anyway, that is all I want to talk about. Again, feel free to reblog or comment what you think. And I hope you’re doing good and find it interesting what I talked about Nick having PTSD.

#nick nack hello puppets #hello puppets nick nack #nick nack #Valentino Voguish #hello puppets oc #hello puppets #hello puppets midnightshow #hello puppets midnight show #hello puppets: midnight show

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kanalaure · 3 months

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🪄🔮 and 🍽️ for the Silm asks!

🪄You can change how one (1) Big Event goes down in the Silm - either in favor of something in HoME or something you made up. What happens instead? Tell us the cool stuff!

i think... there are so many things to choose from. i think i'd save celebrimbor. i don't know how much of the troubles of the second age that would actually solve, but the way he died makes my heart ache, and i have such a soft spot for characters who try really hard (and especially the ones who fail)

(also i'd be afraid of unraveling events as i knew them by acting on anything bigger. big events have big effects when you alter them, and i'd hate to accidentally prevent elladan, elrohir, and arwen from being born)

🔮You can reach into the Beyond and ask the Professor to settle one (1) debate for you. He won't even waffle on the answer, honest. What do you ask him?

i would not be asking him about any debates or the canonicity of a particular event, no. for one, it wouldn't really settle the argument because you couldn't really PROVE you actually got the information from him. and moreover, i dont consider word-of-god information to be canon. when authors reveal things in interviews years down the line it leads to silly little "well mom said-" fights in the fandom, which irritate me. basically, if it's important enough for them to speak on it, it should already be in the published material, and if it isn't-- well, i don't believe it's necessary to get their opinion on it. i'd rather make up my own mind based on the presented, published canon material

what i WOULD ask him is if he ever came up with a quenya or sindarin word for "mercy" that he forgot to write down, or if he had any thoughts on the matter to guide me. i've made some fumbling attempts at compounding words to reach something that would cover that concept, or at least come close, but i'm not satisfied yet. it bugs me for all that mercy is a concept baked into the universe there isn't an actual WORD for it in the languages he created. 'pity' is as close as we get

🍽️ You are having a dinner party and you can invite five (5) characters from the Silm. Who do you invite?

i've actually thought about this one a bit! my friend answered this question earlier and it got the wheels in my head going

i'd invite maglor (i'm sure this comes as a shock to everyone reading this), bilbo, elrond, celebrian, and finrod amarie can sneak in as his plus one. they're all people i would love to meet and they've lived across broad enough times and places you could really cover a lot of ground speaking to them for an evening. i don't believe there's any big personal conflicts between any of them? but if there were at least three people present are skilled at smoothing things over, causing big distractions, and telling really cracking stories about their lives

i'd love to talk to celebrian in particular because we know so little about her life outside of the way her family relates to her, and i'd like to get to know her as a person instead of galadriel and celeborn's daughter, arwen and the twins' mother, etc

#asks #........hmm. given my guest list #i guess this is an early fourth age dinner party

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nakedmonkey · 1 year

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Can you elaborate on "Melissa Schemmenti is a bottom" for me.... for reasons....

oh my goodness, this is my chance to (be pelted by fandom cause I know this is a controversial opinion) shine!

So. Here's the thing. If we want to get technical, Melissa is a switch who tops A LOT (is this gonna get NSFW? Yah. A little bit, but first let's get real angsty--also this got long, I apologize), BUT once someone manages to crack the hard shell, she is emotionally, sexually, and inherently, a bottom.

Top in the streets, bottom in the sheets BECAUSE she needs to feel emotionally supported to grant someone the absolute gift of topping her (can you imagine? The Privilege).

People like Melissa aren't born tough, they're made that way because they have to be. She gives off very Eldest Daughter vibes to me (happy to be proven wrong by canon tho, would love it if she had an older brother but I doubt it), the third parent type. She's taken care of people her entire life, has taken on great responsibilities because that's just what you do when you're the eldest (took care of grandma during her last days etc.), and this can turn an Eldest Daughter into a Parent-Partner, especially if a certain ex-husband didn't mind being the one in the relationship whose needs were always met and wasn't really expected to reciprocate.

Melissa is resourceful and tough because she's had to be, and she's never asked anyone for help cause no one's ever offered!

This kind of habit of compartmentalizing and setting aside her own needs carries over to her sex life.

It's a comfort zone as much as it is a setback. Both with women and men, but more so with women.

Women have always been Melissa's downfall, more than men. And that's because it always starts out on pretty even ground.

Because old customs and a very Catholic upbringing normalize a level of subservience to men, it allows her a certain freedom when it comes to her relationships with women. Private as she may be, she's still less guarded around women by nature and she approaches these connections without the preset notion that she's expected to take care of them.

They're like her. They take care of their own shit.

If only she wasn't such a homo for them tho.

Melissa's found that she takes great pleasure in giving women pleasure, because she knows, from personal experience, that if you want it done right, you have to do it yourself, and why would sex be any different?

Doing this for another woman, making her feel good, is a high like no other.

If Melissa's sexual history had a Yelp page, she'd have only 5 star ratings.

There are rules tho. Or she used to have rules before Barbara.

Casual flings were fine, but no one fucked her unless she knew them.

And NO ONE ate her out unless she trusted them.

She may love women, but she has boundaries--and plenty of trust issues.

(those boundaries have never applied to Barbara Howard)

Being the one who leads, the one in charge, is a way for Melissa to keep herself safe.

But that's not say she doesn't enjoy being lead just the same--it just takes a certain kind of person.

Like Jen, the personal trainer she hooked up with on a semi-regular basis during one of her breakups with Barbara who liked to blindfold her and fuck her until she was absolutely spent.

It all ended when Jen suggested maybe they should spend more time together.

Barbara is a lot like Melissa in certain ways--she's got a thick shell of her own for one, except hers requires heavy machinery to cut through.

Melissa never got a chance to think about who would top who when they got together because she realized she was in love with Barbara before she ever really recognized she wanted to fuck her.

It was easy.

Barbara takes care of Melissa in ways no one else ever has--she anticipates her needs and Melissa never has to ask

She trusted Barbara with her life before they even acknowledged their mutual attraction.

And the first time they kissed, Melissa knew that she would a) spend hours between Barbara's legs given the chance, and b) she would let Barbara do whatever she wanted to her.

Now she's still selective, but the criteria changes depending on her mood, and on how things are going with Barb.

She may spend hours replaying the way Barbara moans her name when she fucks her, but she also likes being pinned to a flat surface as much as the next girl, you know?

#abbott elementary #melissa schemmenti #melissa x barbara #i wrote this in a rush cause I have to get on a call so i hope it makes sense

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hawkstincan · 10 months

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Tagged by @starstruckpurpledragon for the 15 Mutuals, 15 Questions meme

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope. I don’t think anyone in my family was.

2. When was the last time you cried?

If weeping counts... Yesterday? Big cryings were all at the end of last year. When Loch passed away I was crying a lot. Can’t remember how many days though.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. My step sister has a son. I’m avoiding them for now. Crying babies isn’t a thing I can handle with grace.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

It depends? I use it a lot with my close friends. And family. Not at work. They just don’t get it. So it’s easier to keep my mouth shut.

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

I’m not a sports person. I love playing badminton and I think I was not bad at it. I sadly didn’t play for ages. Too little time, too many things to do. And I’m not sure my back and knees can handle playing any active game.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Tone of the voice. This is about irl meetings, right?

7. What’s your eye color?

Blue-ish grey or grey-ish blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. (I spent a bit too much time writing and deleting here xD)

9. Any special talents?

Hmmmm, I can miss whatever everyone and their pets knows about? If something isn’t in my zone of interest… It’s safe to assume I know nothing about it. On the other hand my zone of interest is wide and strange af xD

10. Where were you born?

In moscow. I was once told which hospital but I never cared enough to remember.

11. What are your hobbies?

Hmmm, I knit scarfs. Yep. Scarves only. I do it to relax and trying to work with schematics is not relaxing for me. So scarves. I draw when I feel inspired or have the IDEA. The ‘you can’t get this shit out of your head until you try to do something with it’ idea. Eating your mind and all your ability to focus idea. I wrote down some of the brain eating ideas I had too. I collect stuff. Like I have a collection of cinema (train, theater etc) tickets. And yes, in-app tickets are useful and amazing and all that… but I miss my paper tickets so much 😭 You can think of my book-buying as collecting too I guess. It’s hard for me to read books on a reader or smartphone. I do prefer to buy paper books. And comics. And manga.

12. Do you have pets?

I have two cats. Lenny is an adorable two years old. Loves playing fetch xD Meloch' is loud, annoying, 10+ yo and I love her dearly.

13. How tall are you?

165 cm (it’s 5'5" I think?)

14. Favorite subject in school?

History and computer science.

15. Dream job?

When I was a kid I dreamed about being a veterinarian. And after I got my first job… I’ll be honest here. My dream job now is to sit on my butt reading stuff (watching stuff, playing stuff) and to have no need to work. I have zero inner need to participate in social life of my county. Talking to strangers makes me anxious. I stress a lot in a new company. I can’t speak on job interviews. I’m terrible at communication. Jeez, I dropped out of college cause I was too stressed about the exams. (And well teacher as a career was the worse choice I've made. Do not let your parents bully you into 'just get your diploma there and do whatever later' kids) I just couldn’t handle them. And my current job… My mom got me there temporarily. And I was around since I was a teen and people knew me and I had known them… So I’m quite happy to be left alone or with my friends. But I need money to buy food and pay bills so seating at home isn’t a possibility until retirement (the road is so far). Tagging @luna-shimizu, @simpledontmeanpeachy, @eaion, @mommalosthermind, @thefancydragonqueen, @kateera, @thing2dani, @hardwiredweird, @hautecoldture, @holycafe, @lotusvalkyrie, @ruti2, @artsyape, @superalondrauniverse, @ptatas77

#tag game #hope you don't mind me tagging

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37q · 1 year

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thank you so much for the sources and directives wrt tara :) i'm not a buddhist (yet?) but i've been reading a lot about the female deities of dharmic traditions, shaktism, the Mahavidya, etc. and honestly the idea of being heard, understood and protected by an all-powerful feminine entity feels like salvation to me right now. like, i crave tara's Liberation more than any other gift or miracle she could give me atm lol how did you get into buddhism and the tara practice btw?

my dearly unacquainted your words struck a chord in my chest. i hope you read this, its for you and me and everyone like us.

the search for liberation is endless and i hope tara can show you how to break the cycle. please, read this message as a journey. if i play u the melody, can you hear the karmic harmonies?

i got into buddhism because im a woman who refuses to be one. growing up trying to be something thats harmful to myself and others, where everyones place in line comes from hideous cruelty, covert or otherwise, and being trained under social conditions which ultimately seek to accelerate mass suffering via systemic domination -- that all made me a little sensitive to the idea of anything being "fixed".

maybe i should say -- i craved impermanence. please dont let this be innate. this cant be forever. what i am, everything thats been done to me, all their pain. i saw my pain everywhere else, in everyone else. i saw my pain before and after me, i saw everyones pain in their walk in life and i saw the pain held over our heads. it was hard not to see it as connected, like everyone is just clinging to our histories of interdependent pain and it makes us who we are. gender made it obvious, although thats a basic benefit of feminist standpoint epistemology.

i got into buddhism because in order to survive i needed a respite from the systemic suffering caused by social attachments. gender, like all phenomena, must be impermanent or people like us are doomed. fundamentally i wanted a world of compassion and empathy, forgiveness and change. buddhism offers such a path. despite my desire for it to serve as a refuge from gendered violence however, its clear that there is a current of antifeminism or general misogyny present in many sanghas. i recoiled more into cycles of womanhood once i felt my status as a human mightve been called into question.

stranger, do me a favor? pause and read tara's vow, reflect on all this a bit before going on.

do you know what bodhicitta is? its the endeavor to achieve true liberation, buddhahood, for the sake of all living beings. the pursuit of ending the suffering of all living beings, only reaching liberation with everyone else. returning with each life to the suffering world of samsara, bound by the restraints of our worlds attachments. remember this.

i found my way to chenrezigs lineage and the impacts of his legacy as bodhisattva of compassion. ohhhh how important buddhist compassion has been to me. always aiming for selflessness but avoiding habitual nihilism. dissolution rather than destruction, seeing through the conditions and loving the emptiness inside.

(recommended reading for the next part isnt dharma, its monique wittigs One Is Not Born A Woman.)

my first step in finding female solace in a doctrine of non-attachment was with his female form known to some as guanyin, or guanshiyin, who hears the cries of the world. she always lacked a certain... bite my practice needed. in my experience emancipatory compassion is disruptive sometimes. we connected, dont get me wrong, but it was hard to separate her pacifism from the training ive received in gendered submission.

well, then i found green tara, or she found me or something, not to get too new age-y. guanyin, the surveyor and listener, contrasted with tara, already stepping out to take action. my personal relationship with her is one whose compassion cuts through my karma. deep enough compassion tears down the walls of our attachments.

ive always been troubled to find this-world radical applications of the dharma, or to find this-world radicalism in the dharma itself. reproducing the gendered self by looking for reflections of my social conditions in a god is not radical, but dissolving the self without addressing these unjust social conditions isnt radical either...

in her vow, that tara returns. just like any other bodhisattva she heeds the constraints of her rebirth and transforms those chains into a vehicle of liberation. the "karma" of womanhood is a mere microcosm of samsara's suffering, she says, and as a bodhisattva she is an expert in engineering mechanisms of suffering into dharmic opportunities.

that womanhood, that divine femininity we see in her. ugh. such an illusion -- we project it in others minds! such falsehood -- its conceptual boundaries dont reflect reality! such conditionality -- in ourselves, throughout history, how we enact it! such instability -- we require life long conditioning and policing to maintain its peaceful performance!

stranger, do me another favor? read through the short green tara practice. meditate on what it means to look for solace in divine reflections.

do you know why the bulk of even basic tantric visualization practices are inaccessible to the uninitiated? two examples. one is that it requires education and training in action rooted in dharma versus action rooted in attachment. another is that it requires a deep understanding of emptiness.

when you look for tara youre looking for help. you need the second part of a hug. youre in crisis, and you need to get out. total solitude and nowhere left to turn. we reach this point in our lives where we can barely even find joy within ourselves, so we look for transcendental salvation elsewhere.

tantric practices employ, for the sake of this piece, two basic assumptions. one is that yidam visualization, such as with tara, manifests the persisting merits of the yidam nondually, so neither from within or without. another is that desire can serve dharmic purposes when not rooted in attachment.

lets revisit visualization. when you look for tara you look for help. you look for someone like you, as stable as divinity can get. she is separate from you, yet you see yourself in her.

visualization takes that projection a step beyond via what some call "manifestation", and so that requisite understanding of emptiness comes into play here, as does the knowledge of desire not rooted in attachment. it requires a practitioner with no self from which to draw attachments in their work. so i want you to listen closely.

when youre more attached to your karmic conditions than you are to liberation, you will bring that suffering with you in your path.

read that again. i am explicitly warning you from finding feminine solace in tara.

returning to samsara ad infinitum, rebirth only as a woman, manifesting taras protection, these actions seek to abolish the processes which allow their existence. to end the cycle of rebirth, to end the cycle of reproducing gender in our liberation, to end the cycle of reproducing the self and the god. these actions require you to dissolve their fundamental, impermanent dualities before you can free yourself with them.

when you attempt to visualize tara while still clinging to an impermanent sense of self such as with gender, she loses all emancipatory potential. her merit twists, soiled with your attachments to a divinely persisting feminine, female, or womanhood, serving only to reproduce those mechanisms of suffering within you.

i want you to interrogate these little things you do to feel better about your suffering in life. please, acknowledge that gender causes suffering. whether it be its systemic enforcement or because of our attachment to something ultimately impermanent, please recognize that looking to deify something so fraught will only hurt you.

ask tara where one can even find refuge on a sinking ship. ask her how she found liberation in something meant to subjugate. start to wonder where all the answers are coming from, doubt your sanity, try to find the border between yourself and her and find nothing. find that everywhere else, too.

dearly unacquainted your search is your karma. your findings will be your karma. tara asks you to stop searching, stop finding. she will show you the dead end, and i ask that you address that proactively rather than keep digging.

reblogging with links to side reading :)

#sorry 4 the long post pals #freeform

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gamingstar26 · 1 year

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Donald FOWL Mini AU Info

A mini au where Donald joins fowl. It’s basically a dt17 season 3 rewrite with different duckverse canon mixed in. Cause I thought it would be interesting.

Donald joins FOWL after the events of Quack Pack, after Bradford has a small talk with him, and after being mostly convinced he joins FOWL to seek some revenge on Scrooge and Della. Donald tries to balance his family life and FOWL life, while his family is oblivious to the fact they have a FOWL spy in the manor pool. They believe he’s just traveling more often because of his new job. Even Mrs. Beakly couldn’t figure it out.

Bradford chose Donald is because he sees him as someone who shares similar ideals to him in terms of adventures, and someone who is very skilled at many things, a hard worker that Scrooge can’t see is in front of him, easy to manipulate in a way, Etc.

The reason Donald joins FOWL is for some revenge on Scrooge and Della (mostly Scrooge), and also to stop FOWL on his own. (Cause I figured that he fought FOWL, Organization, etc in the past in his Agent 44 SHUSH, as Double Duck Agency Days)

Donald helps Bradford get the Papyrus of Binding, blessed bagpipes, and other mythical artifacts. Bradford even tried to get the Golden Atlas, but failed.

Donald is the true heir to Scrooge not Webby because I figured it makes more sense and it ties well with the whole “most trusted ally” thing, and it also makes the most sense in terms of how Donald has always been the true heir. (Also Della but Donald is more likely in all honesty)

As backup in case Donald couldn’t get The Papyrus of Binding and as weapons against the Mcduck/Duck family, Black Heron made two Donald clones Project 34 aka Project Lux Dei.

Black Heron never trusted Donald from the beginning, because she believes that he will betray them and stop their plans (she’s not wrong) Donald grew to like the other FOWL Agents and see them as a small weird family.

Donald is called Agent D or Agent Duck when working for FOWL. sometimes Black Heron calls him Double Duck.—————————————————————

Project 34 aka Project Lux Dei (which means light of god in Latin) Donald’s clones

There are two versions of them the male and female.

The clones were made as backups in case Donald couldn’t get the Papyrus of Binding, and as weapons against the Mcduck/Duck family.

The Males Clones: Jurakan and Yocahu. named after Taino Gods. Jurakan is the god of Hurricanes. Yocahu is the leader of the other gods and god of sky and creation. while their post last adventure names are Aku and Paolino named after Donald's names in Italian (Paolino Paperino) and (Aku Ankk) Finnish. the reason both are missing limbs was because when they were “born” they were conjoined, so they were later separated. They have prosthetic arms just like Black Heron’s and have peg foot. Jurakan is missing his left arm and right foot, while Yocahu is missing his right arm and left foot. (The same as Donald in my lost limbs au)

The Female Clones: Amphitrite and Doris. named after sea goddesses. Amphitrite is the goddess of the ocean and wife of Poseidon in greek myth. Doris was a goddess who ruled over the oceanids in greek myth. while their post last adventure names are Donna and Dottie. Donna is referencing Donna Duck, Donald's first love interest, Dottie is Referencing Daisy's First Niece that later got replaced by April May and June. Which ironically is how Webby was made to be a condensed version of the AMJ.———————————————————————

How season 3 would change in this: I have a few problems with dt17 season 3 so yeah.

Well for one Donald is more important to the story, and Huey still has his arc but is a bit different. Webby is not a clone herself she is Mrs. Beaklys granddaughter all the way till the end, Her parents were killed by FOWL agents and they were SHUSH and Agency agents themselves. Donald and Della interact more cause we needed it man. Also Bradford’s motivations is not just ‘adventures killed my grandma crap’. Della actually changes and becomes a bit of better person cause she didn’t develop at all in the show. Daisy appears more often, she and Donald dated before and got back together in Louie’s Eleven. Also Xandra shows up cause I love her alright. Della and Scrooge face the consequences of their actions cause they never did in the show. And both get called out for their crap and on how they treated Donald, the kids, and the rest of the family. Just Della in general cause she had potential and was disappointing could’ve been better. Scrooge is more close the comics in this au, he’s more in the moral grey area just like in the comics. Some events change, added or removed to complement this au. There’s more but that’s all for now.

#donald duck #ducktales #ducktales au #f.o.w.l.#ducktales 2017 #bradford buzzard #F.O.W.L Donald Duck AU

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thesilversoutheastern · 6 months

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Welcome to the Silver Southeastern Railway!

Ran by @caramellvibecheck, this little fleet of characters was made cause...why not? I don't know, the idea had me hostage for 3-4 months.

I'm not use to making introductions, but I do want to put some starter info here just in case:

I am a young adult who simply likes the RWS, Thomas and Friends, and anything related to TTTE. Anything else will be on my main blog.

I like shitposts and memes

I work with mature themes, so don't be surprised if you see some mature stuff and swear words here.

I have a hard time getting things done, so writing chapters can take a long time for me. Doesn't help that I'm in college atm- I'll try to be active, but it can be hard for me to handle my outside-of-internet life.

I block spammers. Please for the love of God don't spam asks. If I have already replied to the ask, I will link to it.

My stories uses premises seen in @asktrio516's human-engines, such as their strength, the option to eat, and leg wheels when in human form. This does not mean in any way I'm ripping off or such, I just enjoy and agree with those aspects that I incorporate them into my stories. Plus, I feel it gives a way of thanking her for being one of my main sources of inspiration when making this.

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Now some basic questions in case I have to repeat myself:

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Who's your favorite engine(s)?

Edward, Diesel, Murdoch, and Duncan.

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2. What made you create this blog and get into TTTE?

Mostly because I stumbled onto @asktrio516's blog one day and then watched a lot of Unlucky Tug afterwards. I remember seeing the show as a kid, and I did remember liking it. I was mostly curious if the fandom was still kicking, and it was, as it kicked me into the rabbit-hole you are now reading.

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3. Do you do art?

Not really, mostly I use Hero's Forge for visual references and write about additional factoids. I'll more likely commission someone than anything.

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4. Is there a focused time where the SSER takes place?/Do you focus on the books, model era, or cgi era?

I'm not sure? BWBA and AEG does not exist in this, cause fuck Mattel, but otherwise not really? I will make a solid timeline though, as I do enjoy a timeline that doesn't mess stuff up. Character development will also be important for me, so it could depend on how I want to write out the arcs. WW2 stuff will be mentioned, alongside certain years, but it defiantly won't be modern times where cellphones and Tumblr exists. Best point I can place, if it was in a time where the SSER really kick in, it is in the surrounding years of dieselization.

If I had to pick an era for my blog...I'll be pulling from all the sources I can get, so I can fully understand the character and work from there. I will do my best to stay faithful to the source, but this is my story to tell. My biggest difference would defiantly be from TATMR, but I will still incorporate aspects from it.

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5. Is there magic in this AU?

YES! Cry as I might, I still have a soft spot for TATMR.

Their main ability is to shift from engine to human forms thanks to Lady and her Golden Dust. All engines do have to be taught on how to use their abilities, but do know basic aspects of themselves (their build, basic functions, emotions, etc.). Certain aspects of their work before interacting with the Dust however, such as war, can also cause a variety of additional knowledge, such as having the ability to talk in multiple languages with little or no difficulty. Think of it as like reading to a baby before they are born. If asked what they did before the Dust was introduced, they can only remember events as a hazy dream or have no memory of it at all.

An example of this would be Oswald. He was built in America and was sent to Europe to aid in the war efforts, mostly staying in France with both English-speaking and French-speaking men working on him. Because of this, he is able to understand and speak both French and English when awoken by the Dust. He also knows he helped the Allies by pulling trains in France, but doesn't know what exactly was on his train or what occurred during.

I'm working on a story or Lady & D10, but it is going to take time so bare with me on it. Also there is such a thing as ghosts in my stories, so other mystical creatures could be seen as well.

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6. What happens to and engine when they get hurt?

I go with @asktrio516's take on this, in that they can bleed a dark blood that never runs out. The blood, depending on the engine though, is different when compared: Steam engine blood is thinner or more watery to a diesel engine, which has more of an oily sheen when spilt. This also goes for other liquids too. It doesn't mean that either blood type has a negative affect on them, but it's treated similar to how humans learned not to mix blood types together.

Injuries also apply similarly, except for three key factors:

If an injury is grave enough, the ability to shift between forms is stopped until repairs or natural healing has occurred. A paper cut for example won't stop shifting, but the aftermath from a high-speed derailment or a broken limb can.

Golden Dust helps speed up the healing process, but it can still take weeks before shifting is allowed again.

Because of this, engines are required to have at least one human with them, nicknamed 'Drivermen' by the engines. They see them as a 2-in-1 of the driver and fireman roles. The engines themselves can still fuel themselves and work on their own fine, but if a injury occurs or if they need someone to go get help, the driverman would be there to fill in that need.

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7. Do the engines have rights?

Well...engines aren't innately seen as people in my story. Mostly it depends on the Controller involved. Some can be father-like, like the Fat Controller or the Old Silver Controller, and others will scrap an engine without a second thought. Many do support the engines, but by a full-blown political/legal stance, they got nothing aiding them. They are seen as a sort of like pet. Very expensive pets that can talk.

All engines do want to work though, as it gives them value, but they see no use in things such as money (unless they like collecting it or something). They might be rewarded for good work with better coal or something the engine may want, but again, that is dependent on the controller the engine is working with.

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Links (Will add more as time goes on):

The Silver Fleet

The Story of Lady

#ttte fanfic #tatmr #ttte lady #headcanon #human au #fan lore #au #ttte au #thomas the tank engine #humanization #ttte humanized #thomas and friends #asktrio516 #ttte #ttte human au #ttte oc #rules and faq

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