‘I have become something wonderful, she thought.

I have become something terrible.

Was she now a goddess or a monster?

Perhaps neither. Perhaps both’

i think i’m onto something

I love them sm

something about rin being betrayed by everyone in her life and in her final moments turning against the only person who would never betray her because that’s all she’s ever known (they make me go insane)

- She’s the only divine thing he’s ever believed in. The only creature in this vast, cruel land who could kill him. And sometimes, in his loveliest dreams, he imagines she does.

this was supposed to be posted here on valentine’s day but i forgot to happy late valentine’s day from your favorite doomed lovers

closeups under the cut 💋

jiang and daji 😆😆😆🤮🤮🤮😭😭😭😢

finally finished reading the poppy war trilogy and i have WAY too many things to say about it, but first let me shed light on one of the mysteries regarding altan's death (because as the last speerly, a legend itself, he remained a mystery to everyone even in death) and why chaghan couldn't find any trace of his soul after passing: it can clearly be linked to how his soul was connected to rin's, as the last two speerlies even their wills became alike (or at least altan made sure to mold rin's will like his), altan's soul was coexisting in rin's body, in rin's mind; chaghan couldn't find any trace of his soul because only after rin's death he would finally be free from any "speerly rage", because there would be no speerly left to pass on what the genocide of their nation truly meant to them.

but, while reaching this conclusion, i also had the realization that altan's soul was actually scattered among everyone. everyone had a little bit of altan in the end, right? rin gained his rage, suni gained his empathy, chaghan gained what we could call somewhat love.

altan's soul became part of rin's, yes, but it was also shared among everyone. therefore, in the end, he did not have anything to himself just like what he had learnt during all his life.

as someone who is absolutely disgusted by the "he's bullying her because he likes her" trope, the only reason why I'm fine with rinezha is they are not that trope. nezha bullied rin because he just hated her and thought she was beneath him. he then started to begrudgingly respect her as his rival when she wiped the floor with his ass during the tournament. then he saw her as his ally when they fought together during the invasion of sinegard. as probably one of the only familiar faces in khurdalain, nezha's respect for rin started to turn into friendship. that friendship turned into affection and a budding love when they started working together in arlong. then whatever twisted thing it turned into after he betrayed her. rinezha isn't your generic enemies to lovers, bully-bullied love story. they are more than just a trope.

Even though I love Nezha and ship him with Rin, I don't see him being someone Rin needs or would love, so much so that she didn't love him for a long time anyway.

His mind was always very closed, he was never able to see the world beyond his father's eyes, or was unable to believe that there could be a world beyond what his father believed.

And Rin, being a war orphan who grew up in a small town and with dark skin, knows that the world under the vision and control of people like Yin Vaisra didn't contemplate people like her.

While Rin was alive, Nezha was not able to see a world that worked through Rin's vision, because Rin being alive meant the eternal risk of more and more wars because of the Hesperians, and he preferred false peace through Hesperian colonization than the rebellion for the independence of a sovereign country that embraced people like Rin.

Nezha loved Rin so much, but she wasn't enough and Rin knew it. She knew that as long as she was alive, not even Nezha, who was once her friend/ally, would give her peace. She knew that she would not be a good ruler, so she accepted that, after destroying the entire greatest force that would make Hisperia sovereign over Nikara, the best option to rule Nikara was Nezha.

Unfortunately, Nezha was too cowardly, his mind was too closed, his racist views were still too strong, his belief in Rin was too weak.

Imagine what it would have been like if he had believed in Rin and stayed by his side, I highly doubt Hisperia would have had any chance of winning, no matter how hard they kept trying.

this came to me in a dream (art credit: @hannamuriel)

these virgins have me in a chokehold

altan trengsin the man you are

when your card declines at therapy so they make you read the poppy war again.

Imagine a man cursed by God.

Imagine a man who dreamed of dying, considering himself a cursed nonentity, but God did not allow it, giving him a semblance of immortality.

A man who was despised by his own family.

A man who was thrown too much responsibility too soon.

A man who tried to save his people at the cost of himself, because he was told from childhood that his life was worthless and that he should devote himself to service.

A man who couldn't save the only chance for HIS salvation, leaving himself alive until God finally drives him crazy.

A man in whose arms the only being he considered divine died.

A man who became a puppet ruler of a destroyed country, which was captured by another nation, who didn't even take his subjects for people.

A man who gradually and painfully lost his whole family and all his friends.

A man who was left alone with the people, who hated him, because all attempts to end the war led to enslavement.

Yes, this is all - Yin Nezha.

forever thinking about that one scene in the dragon republic when rin tries out the wings kitay made for her and they’re just so happy and when she comes down she shouts move! but he just grabs her wrist and swings them around until they collapse in a tangled laughing heap of leather and silk and limbs and she says “i love you” and kitay gives her a tired smile “i know”

The Poppy War Series

“How could she compare the lives lost? One genocide against another—how did they balance on the scale of justice? And who was she, to imagine that she could make that comparison?” --R.F Kuang, The Poppy War

I have so much to say about The Poppy War series. No amount of words will describe the feeling it left me when I turned the last page and broke a little inside, but I will try, because that's all I can do the lessen the heartbreak of reading this series:

Rebecca Kuang. No words will describe my adoration for her writing abilities. To be able to incorporate such beauty into such a dark tale is impossibly hard, and no words will describe my absolute respect for her. I absolutely loved her truthful portrayal of war, instead of just romanticizing cruelty, and how utterly blunt she was about the horrors that ordinary people faced during times of chaos.

Rin, Nezha, Kitay, Venka, etc etc. They were just children. That's all I can say. They were children that were no longer innocent because adults shoved swords into their hands, and told them to die for a cause. They were so fucking young when the responsibility of millions of lives was forced upon them, and no person should ever have to make a decision that had such impact, especially not some young people. I loved each and every one of them, and I also loathed the decisions they made, but at the end of the day, they were just children born into a fragile world of cruelty and darkness.

Rin

"Dying was easy. Living was so much harder--that was the most important lesson Altan had ever taught her" --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

From her choice in choosing to pledge Lore, till the end when she took her own life, I didn't like Rin. I didn't like her decisions, and I didn't respect how she treated her friends, but I did grow so SO attached to her as a character. I hated her for leaving Nezha with a shattered nation, but I also realized how much courage it took for her to take that route. Since she was born, survival mattered the most, always, and the fact that she chose to kill herself, with the interest of her country in mind, deserves so much respect. Yes, you could argue that she realized how hard surviving was, and chose the easy way out, but she was nurtured in a way that forced her to choose survival, to choose life, even if she wasn't truly living. Along with that, she also had Kitay's life bound to hers, so I don't think she made her final decision out of selfishness, but rather a willingness to sacrifice her life so that millions more would keep their own. As long as she was alive, the Hesperians wouldn't leave them alone, so she made her final decision for her country.

Nezha

“He knew exactly what choice she'd made and what she intended. And that made everything- hating her, loving her, surviving her, so much harder.” --R.F. Kuang, The Burning God

I truly believe that Nezha only acted the way he did because he was fucking terrified of everything happening around him. Yes, he was bred for this, but nothing ever prepared him for the shit that was going to come his way. And when Rin was going to kill herself, his composed mask just faded and he revealed the fear he had in him all along. He was another victim of the fragility of society, and I truly hope that no matter what happened after the third book, he found his peace and order.

Venka

After her reappearance (iykyk), I was so terrified that she would die, or go through something just as traumatic again. AND SHE DID. I was trembling when Rin accused her of being a traitor, and the way she threw herself on top of Rin to save her just broke my heart. I refuse to believe that she sold them out and wrote the letters, because how could anyone be a traitor, and still be willing to sacrifice her life for the person accusing them of such things?? Since the truth will never be uncovered, I will live with the hope that she was innocent all along, because she's been through so much, and her legacy should live on clean and untarnished.