#but yeah i looked at it and the whole thing is basically just
Text
first moments
words: 1.5k
warnings: mom!reader, dad!rafe, established relationship, brief hospital setting, anxiety (from rafe)
“rafe, wanna do chest to chest?” you hum, eyes mostly closed, the exhaustion from labor still affecting you.
“i…” he stares at you, and then at your son, resting against your chest, maternity dress pulled open so he's against your skin, his face resembling the exact same one rafe makes when he's sleeping. “its okay, you keep holding him.”
“okay.” you say, looking down at your son. it didn't take you long to decide on a name. leon andres cameron. leon after rafes grandfather and andres after your own. a good strong family name.
“he's so perfect.” rafe whispers, his voice cracking slightly.
“come closer.” you beckon, rafe moving his chair closer, but still keeping his distance, making you frown. “what's wrong?”
rafes mouth opens, but no words come out. you pause, hand petting over leons back.
“wait…” your mind starts to piece together, still foggy from the delivery and drugs. “you haven't held him yet.”
“i-” rafe stumbles over his words, knowing he's been caught. “i can't. he's too tiny. too perfect. i-i don't want to ruin him.”
“ruin him?” you frown. “rafe, you're his father. get over here.”
you struggle to scooch over on the hospital bed, but manage to make room for rafe to sit down next to you. he even sits carefully, gnawing at his lip as you turn leon over, keeping him asleep as you turn him face up, supporting his neck the whole time.
“just cradle your arms. it's okay, you'll get used to it.” you watch as rafe moves his arms before placing leon in them, having to cover your mouth when the sudden urge to cry hits you, leon looking even smaller being held by your husband.
“i love him.” rafe whispers, voice cracking, a few tears sliding down his cheeks. “i love him so much.”
“look how relaxed he is in your arms.” you coo. “i knew you'd be a good dad.”
--
“god, im so nervous.” rafe looks in the backseat where you’re sitting, leon buckled tight into the carseat.
“its okay.” you hum, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “just drive slow.”
“yeah, of course.” rafe nods. he barely puts the car above 15 miles per hour the entire ride home. leon thankfully stays asleep, you’re not sure if you could have handled just leaving the hospital and having him crying on the way home.
“okay, here.” rafe takes a deep breath as he pulls the car into the garage.
“you got his carseat?” you ask. your body is still recovering from birth, and you’re not sure if you can lift anything up without tearing.
“yeah.” rafe undoes the carseat carefully as you get out and unlock the house, happy to be home after two days spent in the hospital.
“mmm.” you breathe in the fresh air. “my eyes are so happy after all that fluorescent light.”
“um- watch out baby.” rafe hates having to have you move out of the way so quickly, but he can hear leon beginning to fuss and needs to get him inside.
you giggle and step away, watching as rafe quickly rushes to unbuckle him. he looks to you to get him out of the carrier, but you allow rafe to scoop him up, shushing him and gently rocking him back and forth.
--
“i got it.” rafe offers.
“no, he's hungry.” you groan, already feeling your breasts swelling with milk just from hearing his cry. “i can tell.”
“im sorry, baby.” rafe sighs, staying in bed as he tries to get back to sleep. no point having both of you completely exhausted.
you manage to settle leon, feeding him in the rocking chair rafe got you before you gave birth. he almost wakes when you transfer him back to the crib, but you get him down and back to rafe, crawling into bed next to him.
“i wish i could do more.” rafe sighs. so much of you is required from leon, not just the pregnancy but now needing to feed him. rafe tries to take care of anything else you could need, but he struggles with not knowing how to do things as basic as changing diapers.
“you're learning fast, rafe. it's okay.” you move closer so rafe can hold you, snuggling into your back, his hand gently rubbing over your hip.
“i don't deserve you.” you know it's just the exhaustion talking. you grip his hand in yours, squeezing three times, saying the words without needing to speak.
“we should sleep while he's asleep.” you say, rafe nodding and pressing kisses to your shoulders and upper back until you're pulled back to sleep.
--
“shh, leon, it's okay.” rafe looks around for you, surely you must have heard leons cries. you said you'd be just a minute, running to the beauty aisle to grab your conditioner before returning to rafe shopping for groceries.
rafe pushes the brim of the carrier back, his heart breaking as his sons little face scrunches with big tears rolling down his cheeks.
rafe isn't sure what to do, so he just lets his instincts guide him as he quickly undoes the seatbelt and lifts leon into his chest, being careful to hold his head just as you instructed.
the second leon is against rafes, his cries lessen, and then all together subside as rafe bounces gently.
“is he okay?” rafe looks up to see you hustling down the aisle towards him.
“yeah, he was upset but i got him.” rafe pats leons back gently, turning his head to press a kiss against his cheek.
“okay.” you let out a sigh of relief, tossing your conditioner into the grocery cart. “want me to take him?”
“no, im good.” rafe shifts leon a little as you start to walk, pushing the carrier and loading the bottom up with more groceries, especially all the things you couldn't have while pregnant but are now safe despite still breastfeeding.
rafe doesn't miss the way you keep looking over at him with light in your eyes, excitement evident at seeing how comfortable rafe is becoming with leon held snuggly in his arms.
--
“are you sure?” you ask, frowning as your eyes flicker between leon laying on the couch cushion and rafe sitting next to him, focus on your baby as he makes silly faces at him.
“baby, i know i struggled at first, but this is one weekend. you have plenty of milk pumped. ill be fine.” rafe scoops leon into his arms as he stands, walking towards you.
“besides, if i need help i can always call your mom. even wheezie, you know she'll be happy to see leon.” rafe shifts the baby to one arm while his free hand comes to cup your cheek. “go. please, i will miss you and leon will too, but you deserve a break.”
“okay.” you nod, getting on your tip toes to press a kiss to rafes lips before also kissing leon, who lets out a familiar cooing sound.
“im gonna text my girls.” you can't hide the excitement in your voice, pulling out your phone to confirm you'll be able to go to the girls spa weekend away.
“i want nightly face times with you though baby.” you poke leons little nose, whose cheeks stretch into a smile.
--
“oh my god, rafe, is everything okay?” you squeal, squinting at the screen as if it'll somehow make leon appear.
“yes! fine, i promise.” rafe points the camera down so you can see leon happily on his lap, already looking tired as bedtime is quickly approaching.
“why didn't you pick up the first time?” you ask, a lot calmer now that you have eyes on your baby.
“leon and i were just getting home. i took him to the park. he couldn't really do anything but be in the carrier but he liked watching the other kids play.” rafe looks down at leon, giving him a little tickle under the chin. “isn't that right buddy?”
“did you-”
“yes, i put sunscreen on him. and he wore a hat. and-” rafe stresses before you can interrupt. “i reapplied sunscreen after an hour.”
“you're the best.” you smile. “you know i never doubted you rafe, it's just-” you take a deep sigh. “i worry so much about him. and making sure he's happy.”
“and he is.” rafe assured you. “look at his little face.”
you feel tears well up in your eyes as you look at your husband and your son, snuggled together on the couch. you quickly take a screenshot while they both have smiles on their faces.
“you're such a good mama. leons lucky to have you, and so am i.”
the tears are now falling down your cheeks as you smile. “i love you.”
“i love you too. and we miss you, but go enjoy your night with the girls!”
“okay.” you nod. “you're right. ill be home tomorrow around noon.”
“got it.” rafe holds the camera closer to leon. “say bye bye to mommy, leon.”
the call ends with his smiling face looking back at yours.
sfw taglist: @bejeweledreverie @winterrrnight @ladyinbl00d @ethanthequeefqueen
#ur not supposed to put sunscreen on a baby until theyre 6 months but lets just roll with it for the fic#not that anyone is taking parenting advice from a rafe cameron fanfic lmao#rafe fic#rafe fanfic#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe fluff#rafe cameron fluff#dad!rafe#dad!rafe cameron#rafe imagine#rafe blurb#rafe drabble#rafe one shot#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron one shot#rafe x you#rafe x y/n#rafe x oc#rafe x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x oc
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Fated Hearts Start With Fire
PT5 - Holidays Hearts
masterslist
PART 1 // PART 2 // PART 3 // PART 4
Moving to a new city is tough, but it’s even harder when your roommate is a dick.
Summery - After you invite Ellie to travel back with you to your home town she immediately denies. But after a bit of convincing everything works well.
- - (It goes straight from part 4 so re-read if you gotta)
Warnings -> Miscommunication (Mia & Reader) / Readers in a relationship / Reader definitely self sabotages 🗣️ / JEALOUSLY / TENSION / Loser!Ellie if you squint? / Readers dad is weird idk? /Kissing / Cheating 😬 / Eventual smut / (Lmk if I missed anything)
WC: 5.6k
(Not proofread!)
“No!”
Ellie all but laughs in your face. Going to your hometown? Literally alone with nothing but your family and friends.
Yeah no fucking way.
She all much rather stay all alone in your shared apartment, beats introducing herself to a fuck ton of new people.
Yet her reply from your point of view has you confused? Because why not come? It 100% beats staying home alone in your shared apartment. She’s just being stubborn at this point??
“Ellie come on!” You say putting your hands in a praying position, trying to emphasize you really do want her to come.
“No dude!” Ellie again immediately denies shaking her head. She’s not going to fold under pressure. At least she’ll try not to!
“Why??” You say a whining tone leaking.
The foundation Ellie just put up. The one where she’s not going to fold? That’s definitely breaking as soon as that tone leaked.
But she regains and starts adding more support, she just shakes her head while not breaking eye contact with you? Trying to prove that stupid fucking tone didn’t affect her.
“Because!- just invite your girlfriend??” Ellie says.
That sentence does actually bring you back to reality. Fuck you haven’t even asked Mia yet, yet you’re practically begging for Ellie to join you. Hands cuffed in a prayer and all.
“I-I will! But Mia probably has plans with her family? So why don’t you come?” You say looking as her a pout now apparent on your bottom lip.
Ellie groans, her hand sliding down her face.
No, no, no.
“No..” Ellie sighs.
“Im not intruding on your family shit because mine aren’t available.” Ellie again shakes her head. Despite the fact your words are actually getting to her. She’s a adamant on denying, at least for as long as she can.
“Yeah but you’re not intruding? My parents hardly care? They’d probably be happy to see a friend i’ve made here! I think they think i’m lying” You laugh trying to ease Ellie’s discomfort about the whole situation. Trying to prove to her that you really want her to come.
You can tell the whole family situation is definitely rough. Because she’s told you a lot about herself but she’s pretty prominent about not mentioning that.
A clear example is when you guys you first started actually being friends, you almost instantly told her about your family, trying to make a perfect opening for her to share insight on hers. But instead she just shook it off.
She basically stopped talking and didn’t continue to press further into the conversation.
“Thank you- but no thank you.” Ellie again denies this time waving her hand. Making a valid point she doesn’t want to.
“I’m okay staying here and just chilling.” Ellie smiles at you.
You frown.
“Ellie.” You talk.
“Yeah?” Ellie says.
“Please.” You again beg. Now the desperate act is coming out.
You don’t even know why you want her to come so bad. Well sorta..
The main thing which is actively pushing you to invite Ellie, is no other than Mia.
It’s selfish. 100%.
But you literally don’t want to face her anymore. It’s to awkward and maybe if Ellie comes it’s going to push her away? Make her go enjoy Christmas with her family.
At least that’s what you’ll hope.
“Why do you want me to come so bad?” Ellie single handily rips the words from your train of thought.
And now you’re derailed.
You feel like the train just crashed into a dead end because you have almost nothing to defend with.
You’re not leading with the fact you’re avoiding your girlfriend. But it’s also weird why you’re so alluded with Ellie coming back to your hometown to spend Christmas with you and your family.
“Fine-don’t worry about it..“ You just groan, a clear annoyed tone as you begin to walk away. Which Ellie picked up immediately.
You know it was 100% pity and weird you relied on full guilt tripping, but you’re helping out Ellie at the end of the day..! Just giving her a light push.
You lightly close your eyes as you walk down the hall.. You didn’t know if it would work but then again you never know…
It was a solid two steps before there was a light grip on your wrist.
As you turn your eyes are met with green ones. Ellie’s looking at you, and just by the way her eyes are scanning through yours and no longer have a presence of unsureness. You know she 100% folded.
“O-okay i’ll come-“ Ellie sighs looking down, hand still on your wrist.
“Yeah??” You say with an excited tone. “You’re not just saying that.” You decide to clarify. I mean you hope she’s not just saying it.
“No..no- I just don’t wanna like intrude.” Ellie’s close to you.
Close enough to the point it’s falling into territory none of you are used to, but you both seem to be to distracted on a different fact right now. The one that has Ellie coming to your hometown.
“You’re not?” You smile at her to which she nods, slowing sighing.
“You did that on purpose.” Ellie tilts her head and smiles.
“I have zero clue what you’re talking about??” You say looking at Ellie. You know what she’s talking about? I mean you 100% guilt tripped her, having her feel a sense of guilt. But you’re avoiding that!
Ellie dramatically turns around and huffs. “Fine!”
You laugh and grab her wrist now mimicking Ellie’s actions. A perfect mirror of what just happened.
Ellie also laughs now that your mimicking her. “You’re so dramatic??”
You shake your head. “Am not!”
Ellie laughs “You fucking huffed then walked down the hall!”
Ellie points with her opposite hand to avoid the possibility of her forcefully making you let go of her wrist. Something she’s doing on purpose.
“You were being annoying-!” You say pushing you finger in the middle of her collar bone.
“Ellie please come with me!” Ellie says mocking you, which means her voice strained into a whining one that unfortunately appeared as a weird fucking whimper..
Her smile fades when her brain trails into a thought process allowing her to actually dwell on what she said.
So now her face is turning red and the laugh she was just previously ensuing on was dying into an uncomfortable awkward silence.
“Huh!?” You whisper yell straight in Ellie’s directions. A silent understanding that Mia’s still currently asleep in your bed, having you want to do anything you really can not to wake her up right now.
“I-I didn’t even mean it like that freak?” Ellie groans, a desperate attempt to hide how embarrassed she is.
“When did I ever even fucking say ‘Please come with me Ellie!’” Your tone again now leaking with a whine.
Ellie actually needs to go to bed.
Because maybe it’s the fact she’s tired, and honestly a little sleep deprived.
Or that your hand is still looped around her wrist.
But those 5 whiny words shouldn’t have caused an ache in the middle of her legs she couldn’t ignore.
Fuck.
“Whatever i’m going to bed..!” Ellie says now being the first to take your grip away from her wrist. Something she tried to avoid a mere minutes ago.
“Alright, alright.” You smile.
“Goodnight..!” You add on a few seconds later.
Ellie practically rushes to her room. Because it’s extremely fucking evident the little back and forth banter between you two had did not have the same affect on you which it had on her..!
Ellie needs to get fucking sleep. Get her mind to stop racing..
You two are just friends, she knows that.
The last thing she wants is to have yet another Cat situation.
✧☾༻✩༺☽✧
When you woke up and an arm was still presently draped over you, your mind raced.
It’s like you fully forgot the events of last night.
The ones with Mia..
And shamefully you wished it stayed that way.
The worst part is you don’t even know why?
Mia is fucking great, you’ve had almost zero reason to want to avidly push her away. She’s never done anything remotely mean and last night she was perfect.
Saying the right things, making sure you were comfortable and putting herself last. Making sure you enjoyed yourself first before she was even a fucking thought..?
So why do you wish you were waking up in a bed which is just full of you. Empty is something you prayed you’d never feel yet right now it’s all you’re praying for to happen.
And why?
Not even you know?
That’s something that keeps ending with dead ends.
Mia hums against your neck as her parted lips stay on them. She’s awake which isn’t a surprise, you’re little ruffles you made as you awakened probably had her eyes fall open not to long after.
“Hi..” She says, sighing, her eyes finally opening, and for the first time since last night her ocean blue eyes are rested on your face. Gaze refusing to break.
“Hey..” You smile. It’s fake, but it’s the best you can do as of now.
She leans in and gives you a light kiss on your cheek.
“Sleep okay?” Mia ask as she observes your face. Making sure you’re not lying or something.
“Mhm.? All good- what about you” You say trying to change the subject, trying to get her eyes off you even if it’s just for a second.
Because regardless of you lying or not her gaze is something you’re not enjoying right now?
“Yeah. It was good, last night was really nice. You were really nice.” Mia smiles kissing your cheek once again..!
“It was!” You say a fake excited tone accidentally making an appearance, luckily for you, Mia must have been to focused on kissing you, because now it’s going to your jaw, then neck.
Last night felt like boundary both of you overstepped. Because instead of literally just a week prior, Mia isn’t hesitating to kiss your neck. She’s assuming your okay with it.
And it’s not like it’s making you uncomfortable and you want her off of you, it’s just something that you wish maybe wasn’t happening right now. So you talk.
“M-mia can we talk..? Just quickly.” You say as you voice cracks..
It’s about time you give her insight on the fact you fucking invited Ellie instead of her to your parents, that being said though it’s not like she’s unwelcome to come.
She’s completely allowed. It’s just the probably odd you didn’t hesitate to invite your fucking roommate…
“Uh-oh?” Mia chuckles pulling back from your neck. She assumes you just being funny or something? That fades quick. Because when she sees you replied with a nervous smile, she takes your outlook, now becoming openly nervous..
“Fuck what’s wrong?” Mia says looking at you.
“Just Ellie and I-“ You try to think of how to word it properly. But currently nothings coming to your head. It feels like a broken electrical circuit no longer getting responses.
Mias smile fades when she hears the mention of Ellie. Because why the fuck did you say it like you and Ellie are some ‘thing’. Or even like you did something?
Mia would never suspect you of cheating- she doesn’t think you cheated. It’s just the sentence ‘Just Ellie and I” Could have a shit ton of add ons? That’s what she didn’t like.
“I-I invited Ellie to go back to my hometown for Christmas..and i’m sorry- because I know I should have asked you first. And-“ You shove your head in your hands embarrassed at the fact you feel like you could cry. You know if you continue you will cry.
Yet don’t get anything twisted, Mia felt a strong pang of jealously- but you and her have been dating for a solid month, she didn’t except you to ask her to come to your literal home town for Christmas, at the end of the day she knew you actually didn’t owe her anything. So even though she’s not to fond of the fact you’ll be going back to your hometown with Ellie, she knows you two are friends.
And that offers comfort.
“Hey-hey it’s fine..” Mia softly chuckles bringing your hands down from your face and kissing them lightly. “I have plans with my family- I assumed we weren’t gonna go head first into plans with family’s.”
“Oh..” Now you feel stupid because you were about to bawl over something that definitely wasn’t that deep. “I just-“ You start but Mia waves her hand dismissively.
“It’s fine. I swear.” Mia smiles kissing the corner of your lips..
“Plus, we have so many future Christmas’ and shit. This is just one out of many.” Mia says.
“Right?” You say in a breathless sigh now starting to calm down. “Now I feel stupid!” You chuckle and Mia shakes her head.
“No don’t!” Mia kisses you, you respond by slotting your lips right back on hers enveloping in a passionate kiss.
And that’s how you and Mia left it. Obviously you texted a lot but now it was time to go to your home town and you sorta just wanted to disconnect.
Because not only were you going with Ellie but you’re finally going to be able to see your family after a few months so you were beyond fucking excited. With a twinge of jealousy!
You and Ellie got on the plane no problem but now sitting down you can see Ellie’s hands fidget with plane seat buckle. A common sign she was nervous.
Learning Ellie’s nervous ticks was easy, because she has three she’ll always do.
Number one fidgeting with something close by.
If not that then number two. Playing with her index and middle.
And finally biting her bottom lip.
You see her top teeth slowly sit on her bottom lip.
She was nervous but you knew why.
One thing Ellie strongly emphasized that she fucking hated flights, she hated heights since she was a kid and that being said she was completely okay with the fact she’s never been on a plane.
“I don’t get how you can be scared of flights but you wanna go to space..?” You tease looking at her.
“Fuck you.” Ellie groans. Unlike her joking tone this does come out as more cold? Which you know why, she’s trying to hide that she’s extremely nervous.
“Wow! I feel like I just got flashbacks..!” You smile nudging her.
“Fuck off man.” Ellie smiles, now she’s looking at you trying to avoid the fact they’re taking off in a few minutes.
Her eyes just trail back and forth for a solid 20 seconds before looks down and clears her throat.
“And spaceships are different.” Ellie says.
“Mhm?” You say looking at her.
“Then imagine we’re on a spaceship?” You add and Ellie laughs.
“It’d be a pretty shitty spaceship.” Ellie sighs and then the intercom comes on announcing the plane is ready for take off.
“Fuck.” Ellie sits up.
You hold out your hand not thinking much about it before it happens. Because you’re just being a fucking good friend! Nothing deep, nor something to look into!
Ellie also doesn’t think much, because it didn’t take long before she sat her hand open on yours intertwining her fingers. She hates how fucking fast her nerves relaxed after you and her were holding fucking hands.
Because just like that her heart stopped racing and the feeling of taking off was the last thing on her mind.
It felt like a blacked out room with a spotlight shined on just you two.
Ellie knows she’s being weird, she thinks it’s the fact that since your roommates you’ll always be in a close proximity, so when building a bond the friendship lines get foggy.
Something that happened with Cat, and something which is happening with you.
The biggest factor on the plan which was weird was the fact you and Ellie held hands for a solid 30 minutes after the plane took off.
And you don’t really know why? It just happened. Everything with you two just seems to mistakenly happen.
It’s not like you were doing it purposefully, it was just after the 10 minutes it was a bit hard to let go of her hand smoothly so you two just watched movies holding hands a bit after the plane took off.
There was an underlining of comfort as well? When both of you are together there’s something you can’t really avoid?
You’re just good friends in that sense.
Nothing weird about that?..
Plus after you two got off the plane and through security it felt stupid to mention!
Talking about it would have just been more awkward and unnecessary!
So that’s what you two both purposefully did? Not mention it.
You and Ellie both just shuffled your things in the trunk of taxi before you guys get into the back seat..
When you tell the taxi driver the location and your gaze is completely focused on him, Ellie finally looks at you.
The moment on the plane was weird, and Ellie didn’t fully understand.
The last thing she wants to be is a home wrecker.
But maybe you two were being friendly, she’s seen a shit ton of friends hold hands, you guys might just be shifting into a physical friendship and nothing is wrong with that!
At least she rather come up with that solution instead of maybe expanding on the fact she might be falling for yet another roommate which at this point is getting fucking old.
The Cat situation should have ruined that possibility yet here she fucking is.
You finally turn your gaze to the back seat no longer focused on the man and quickly noticed how Ellie’s gaze was straight on you.
She tried to smoothly clear her throat and look away but you just chuckled, again not taking it as serious as she was.
“You good.” You ask.
“Just nervous I guess?” Ellie wasn’t lying but it was also a smooth excuse to hide the fact she was just hardcore staring at you.
“My parents are nice- promise” You look at her offering a smile to ease Ellie’s nerves.
Ellie feels like she should ask, like she needs to ask.
Because after what happened with her parents she just rather avoid it if she can.
“You’re out to them right? Or like no.” Ellie ask her voice cracking which she clears once again.
“Oh yeah! I literally came out at like 10 because I wouldn’t shut up about how hot the Elizabeth girl from Pirates of the Caribbean was?” You laugh which also makes Ellie laugh along.
Well at least Ellie doesn’t have to lie to your parents or some shit. “K-yeah cool.” Ellie nods.
“You good?” You ask looking at Ellie.
“Mhm- i’m good” Ellie says looking at you.
“Okay” You tilt your head before looking out the window.
Seeing your old town has put you into the realization that nothings really changed. The shops stayed the same, with the exception of a few new ones you hadn’t noticed before.
You can tell somethings prioritizing Ellie’s mind but you rather not push or question it? She seems to be an overall private person and practically forcing her out of her comfort zone seems rude.
You just decided to get comfortable in your seat for a few minutes before you arrive.
Which really didn’t take long, because soon you’re pulling into the house you called home for so many years, and instead of walking in alone, or with Alex and Jess. This time it’s you and Ellie.
You just grab your suitcase exiting the car.
“I can grab that?” Ellie points to your suitcase as her left hand grips hers.
“It’s fine- if anything I should be carrying yours.” You chuckle at her request.
“You’ll be hugging your family and shit? I’ll just grab it weirdo” Ellie fully takes it into her own hand reaching her right hand forward to grab your suitcase.
“All right, all right- thank you.” You say walking up to the front door.
And even though it’s your family your mind is racing about whatever the fuck is going to transfer. You just hope it’s positive.
But before you can open the door, your mom does.
Her eyes are excited and she immediately lunged forward to hug no other than you..!
“You’re home!!” You’re mom says while hugging and kissing all over your cheeks earning a stupid chuckle from Ellie which she “smoothly” covered with a cough.
“Yeah!” You say, you barley hid the fact you’re extremely embarrassed because it was super apparent in your tone and pink cheeks.
You mom then pulls back from you and smiles. “Who’s this!”
Your mom knows who the fuck it is, because you told her Ellie’s coming as soon as you got okay.
“H-hi!” Ellie spits out nervously, she puts down your suit case to hold out her hand. An invitation for your mom to shake it.
Ellie’s super fucking nervous. Because after her relationship with her parents came down with a big tumble, so opening up to other people’s seemed off.?
Like she couldn’t properly function, it almost felt like she was constantly on thin ice.
Plus Ellie doesn’t really know if you told your mom about the shitty roommate. Which would be horrible because she’s the fucking shitty roommate?! She wouldn’t even be shocked if you did? Fuck she was horrible.
“Ah we don’t need handshakes!” Your mom fully takes Ellie by the shoulder and hugs her tightly. Having Ellie drop the other suitcase to her feet.
Ellie doesn’t know what to do other then reciprocate it, so that’s all she does, just wraps her arms around your mom?
“It was Ellie right.?” Your mom says her gaze not leaving Ellie’s.
Ellie just nervously nods. She’s never had someone be extremely nice without even knowing her.
Which she’s now starting to understand where you got it.
Because even on the day when you first moved in, you weren’t automatically mean, even though Ellie was rude for the whole first day, you managed to put up with it before finally snapping back on the second day.
“Yeah..!” Ellie smiles awkwardly stepping back.
“It’s nice to meet you-” Ellie signals to you about to continue the conversation.
Then your dad walks out. He’s a stocky man, a bit scary looking, with permanent furrowed eyebrows.
You’d like to say it’s all some facade and he’s a real softie under the rough skin.
But no.
He’s always will silently judge, somethings he’s done your whole life, giving his thoughts despite not really asking for it, he’ll always supply it.
“Hey kid.” You’re dad nods a head to you. He’s not a hugger. A drastic change from someone like your mother. You don’t really know how they ended up together.
“Hey dad..!” You smile and look at him.
Your dad doesn’t reply after that, he turns his attention to Ellie.
“This the girlfriend?” He says his eyes trailing up and down her, you can tell he again is fucking judging.
Yet Ellie’s not even your girlfriend! So he’s judging her for no reason?..
“N-no that’s Mia- this is Ellie.” You say directed to your dad despite you looking at Ellie, her face is now red and she seems embarrassed.
Fuck this is awkward.
“I-It’s nice to meet you.” Ellie smiles awkwardly at your dad. She feels she should shake his hand yet his gaze has her fall nervous. So she doesn’t. She just occupies both hands with the suitcases
“Quite young for a tattoo hm?” You dad says clearing his throat, slowly turning his attention to Ellie’s tattoo.
You never understood why your dad says or does some things? But either way he does and you can’t really change it, this conversation between him and Ellie, it’s one of the ones where you don’t understand why the fuck he’s doing it.
“Oh uh-“ Ellie’s cut off by your words.
“We should really settle in. The flight was long..!” You chuckle a desperate attempt to clear the awkwardness which is looming.
Ellie nods and looks at your parents. “It was really nice to meet you both.” Ellie nods towards them before the everyone starts to head inside.
After you showed Ellie the spare bedroom it didn’t take long till there was a light knock on your bedroom who you can only assume is her.
She did tell you once she was done unpacking she’ll come to your room.
“Come in?” Your voice echos through the bedroom as you sit on your queen bed.
As you guess Ellie’s auburn hair and green eyes come poking through the door.
“Oh i’m the fucking nerd?” Ellie immediately says with a sarcastic chuckle.
She starts walking into your room before sitting on your bed a decent amount of distance between you and her. Her eyes trail throughout your room and she scouts the many different movie posters, books, journals scattered throughout your bedroom.
“Fuck off..!” You chuckle looking back at Ellie.
“No- you fucking bullied me for my space shit” Ellie says laughing. “I get to bully you!” Ellie says pointing right at you.
“Because that’s objectively nerdy! You like space! I just like reading and writing.” You try to defend yourself.
“Yeah, yeah nerd.” Ellie scoffs which earns a little smile from you despite you actually wanting to laugh. “Whatever makes you sleep at night.!”
You roll your eyes and look at Ellie. “Im gonna kick you out?”
Ellie chuckles and shakes her head. “Okay i’m sorry!”
It’s a bit of silence before you finally speak again.
“Get settled in okay?” You ask looking at her.
She bites her lip, looking down before shortly nodding. “Oh yeah, all good.” Ellie offers you a smile to try and distract you from any red flags that she might be uncomfortable.
Yet it didn’t really help or work, you noticed right away.
“You alright?” You ask looking at her.
“Yeah- no good. I’m happy you invited me.” Ellie wasn’t lying at the last part. She was super happy she decided to come with you, it’s just-
“My dad?” You question looking at Ellie. You basically finished her thoughts.
“I-Did I say something wrong- because people- he just seemed-“ As soon as you questioned it Ellie’s mouth wasn’t going to stop. She was ranting.
So you took it into your own hands and looked at her.
“Ellie I swear he’s just weird and like that with everyone. Like i’m his daughter and you saw how weird he is with me!” You say looking at her. Despite not being even the single bit religious you prayed her words offered comfort.
Ellie let’s out a show sigh of relief. “Fuck okay good! I thought I said something” Ellie laughs lightly.
“Like the tattoo comment was-“ Ellie starts.
“Fucking dumb!” You tilt your head.
“Your tattoo is cool.” You add on chuckling.
It took about ten seconds before your hand started making its way to travel over the different intricate details.
“Yeah?” Ellie ask going a tad bit closer. Both your shoulders now touching as her arm is hovered above both of your thighs.
“Mhm?” You say looking at her, she slowly mirrors your movements.
And in that moment you know if either of you decide to even lean in just a little further your noses would touch.
You start to think what’d you do, something you’ve purposefully deterred your mind from going. Blocking off those openings before they could even get through. But now they were flowing and you couldn’t stop it?
Like if she leaned in would you do the same...?Would you kiss Ellie bac-
What the fuck, you have a fucking girlfriend.
And you couldn’t sworn Ellie’s eyes were fluttering shut, a sign to back the fuck up. And that’s what you did.
“Uh- dinners probably like basically ready.” You stand up awkwardly rolling your hands down your clothes an attempt for them to appear more straight.
While also making an effort to avoid her gaze without making it look more forceful?
Ellie also stands up, the main bit of her head being filled with confusion- because why did it seem like you wanted to kiss her two seconds ago, and now you can barley look at her.
“Right..cool.” Ellie sounded just the slightest bit immature but in her defence you made her feel stupid? Like was she interpreting that whole situation wrong.
“What..?” You ask, almost like she’s crazy for feeling embarrassed.
“Didn’t say anything” Ellie gives a fake smile before opening your bedroom door.
When she opens the door you walk through first and you hear her trailing after you.
You and Ellie hardly talked through dinner, little chip ins from both of you, but when you did the conversation was usually to other people.
So if you were talking i’d be to your parents, avoiding Ellie, and vice versa.
The main reason is because it just so happens both of your minds are occupied from the fact you two almost kissed.
It was like that for at least a little. Till your dad decided to talk.
“So Ellie? What’s your family doing for Christmas.” His mouth is still in the middle of chewing food, his hand reaches for his glass and he tilts it back swallowing back a large swig of wine.
Ellie finishes what’s in her mouth before talking. “Not really sure?”
She says it casually. Like not knowing what your family’s up to is the normal, yet for her it is?
“Why’s that..?” He says rubbing the back of his hand on his outer lips, getting any excess droplets of wine or even food.
“Honey.?” Your eyes shift from Ellie’s uncomfortable gaze to your moms. She’s clearly trying to get him to back off from the conversation, yet he keeps going.
“What- were taking a kid in for Christmas so I’m just overall interested what her parents are doing? You know as in why she’s joining us?” He shrugs, It’s like the fact he’s opening up his home gives some moral right to know?
And for that reason you can tell your dad won’t back off.
Not till her gets an answer that is.
“Dad?..” You say looking at him shaking your head.
Now Ellie’s uncomfortable, because at least in her mind she feels everyone wants to know a little sob story as to why she isn’t with her parents right now.
In stead she’s with her roommates parents.
Ellie just clears her throat. Her eyes are noticeably getting glossy and that’s her cue to leave.
“Sorry excuse me..” Ellie wipes the napkin down her lips and silently pulls back from the pulled in chair. She makes her exit b-lining straight for the bathroom.
Once Ellie’s gone you groan at your dad. “Seriously?” You clearly annoyed and he picks it up. But instead he just shrugs?
“What did I say? I simply asked a question” He says.
“Which she didn’t want to answer!” You’re now always pulling back your chair making an open exit for you. “Fuck.”
He tsk silently. “Language.”
“I’m gonna go check on her.” You sigh starting to walk down the open hallway.
You quickly turn back to your mom. “Thanks for dinner.”
She nods in response while muttering something to your dad. You hope it’s putting him in his fucking place.
You don’t know if that man just doesn’t have social cues but fuck sometimes he needs to read a room..
It didn’t take long to find Ellie, she only knew where one of the 2 bathrooms were so once you heard distance sniffling in the one planted beside your bedroom you knock on the door.
“Mhm?” Ellie’s voice try’s to come out as full and clear but it’s sounded more desperate and sad.
“Can I come in?” You ask.
“I’m okay..? Trust me?” Ellie says clearing her throat.
You can tell she’s not okay. But mentioning that didn’t seem important, so you just nodded in understanding before talking.
“Okay well can we talk, even if your okay..?” You ask.
A little sigh comes out then a click of the lock comes through.
You open the door and you see Ellie’s eyes are red.
After seeing that sight you hugged her.
Ellie wraps her arms under your arms which are looping around her neck. She hesitantly put her chin on your shoulder as you did the same.
“I’m okay..” Ellie sighs in your shoulder.
“Mhm..” You just nod against her shoulder.
“Sorry my dads a dick.” You say.
“Mine probably worse?” Ellie let’s out a chuckle, it’s dry and forced.
You pull back and look at her eyes.
You can feel her arms trail down your back finding a resting spot on your waist.
“I swear I don’t cry a lot.” Ellie chuckles once more. This time sounding a bit more real.
“That’s becoming hard to believe.?” You say tilting your head, Your hands come from around her neck and sit on her cheeks wiping any left over tears.
Ellie’s grip on your waist tightens just a little, she doesn’t want you to pull back but she knows what she’s doing right now, what she wants to happen, She knows it isn’t right.
Either way she can’t control her eyes from glancing at your lips..
She looked at them for a few seconds before glancing back at your eyes.
She sees how your eyes are now glancing back and forth between her eyes and lips..
Without thinking she presses a soft kiss to your lips holding your cheek..
A/N -> BOOOOOO CHEATER 👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽
I actually don’t know what the fuck to write for the AN! But I really did enjoy writing this chapter, and i have so much planned for the next one 😋
i promise i won’t take as long 🙏🙏🙏 (maybe)
I’m just so fucking busy with school and work, so this happens to always be the last thing on my mind.
I’ll try to be consistent with summer but then again i’m insanely busy in that time period too?
Other then that I’m gonna start working on hearts over hierarchy
happy pride month btw!!
and that’s all, hope you enjoyed reading this 😈
(Like and reblogs are so appreciated!)
Taglist - @a-little-bit-of-everybody @bready101 @shiimer @boobdrug @amberputh @macaroni676 @soupycloud @seraphicsentences @eringranola @mikellie
#ellie the last of us#ellie williams x reader#lgbtq#ellie williams#ellie x reader#ellie x you#loser!ellie#the last of us#the last of us two#ellie x y/n#pride month#lesbian fic#lesbian#wlw#wlw ns/fw#thelastofus#loser ellie#elliewilliams#ellie williams smut#ellie#ellie tlou#ellie x fem reader#ellie smut#lgbtqia#pride#mean ellie#wlwpost#wlw smut#wlw post#wlw fiction
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am i allowed to cry?
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ one slip and falling back into the hedge maze, oh what a way to die.
enemies to lovers // pierre gasly x fem!reader
prequel - how can i be guilty as sin?
authors note - god fucking damn that took a while, im so sorry lmfao😭 here is part 2! hope you enjoy! xx
yourusername
liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, taylorswift and 815,682 others
yourusername surprise!! “guilty as sin?” is out!! i hope you all enjoy, take care i love youu <3
9,152 comments
username ARE WE MISSING SOMETHING
username not u being horny on the main girl-
username MY JAW DROPPED
landonorris i can never look you in the eye again
-> yourusername honey i told you not to listen to it😭
-> landonorris YOU KNEW I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO ANYWAY
-> landonorris it is a very good song though
charles_leclerc you should see his face rn
-> yourusername YOU’RE WITH HIM?
-> username WHO OH MY GODDD
-> username NO WAY ITS A DRIVER WHATS GOING ON.
username girl this cutesy post does not reflect what i just listened to.
-> username babes didn’t the song title give you a bit of a clue?
-> username you’d think😔
Charles couldn’t wipe the knowing smirk off his face. He simply watched Pierre, waiting for more of a reaction as the song playing finally died down, leaving the pair in tense silence.
Pierre’s jaw was slack and his eyes wide as he pathetically turned to Charles for confirmation that this was in fact about him, or to see if he was just as dumbfounded as he was.
“Woah.” Is all he could muster up upon seeing the Monegasques ever cocky expression.
“Yeah.” Charles laughed. “Are you really surprised? It was quite obvious, mate.”
“What the fuck do you mean? The only sign she’s given me in the last couple years that she can even stand me was her not kicking my ass at your party!” Pierre dragged a hand over his face, simply not believing his friends blunt words.
“Okay mate, breathe.” Charles breathlessly chuckled, patting his shoulder carefully. Pierre shot him a warning look, and he holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Why’re you worrying? You’ve been in love with her for like, a year now, isn’t this a good thing?”
“Yeah- yeah, of course,” the corners of his lips curl up into a slight smile. “It was just unexpected, man. But holy fuck, you knew she liked me? For how long?”
“Months! We all figured it out ourselves, we thought you knew!”
“We? Who else knew?” Pierre exclaimed.
“Oh- uhm,” Charles trailed off, laughing nervously. “Lando, Max, Carlos, Oscar, Danny, Lewis, Alex, Yuki-”
“Okay okay! So basically the whole grid, I get it.” Pierre huffed, crossing his arms.
“So…” Charles began. “You gonna talk to her?” Pierre wordlessly fled the room, leaving Charles smiling to himself and shaking his head.
You frowned, dragging yourself off your bed at the sound of rapid knocking on your apartment door.
“Fucking hell.” You mumbled, wondering who on earth needed to speak to you so urgently.
Oh.
You cursed to yourself again, knowing you likely should have seen this coming. But, a small part of yourself doubted Pierre would even take the hint that the song was about him, let alone show up at your apartment.
“Hello?” You asked as you opened the door, feigning confusion as you see the flustered Frenchman.
“You like me?” Pierre breathlessly said, a questioning frown adorning his pink tinted face.
“No,” you laugh incredulously. “Why… why would you think that?”
“Don’t lie to me.” You groan slightly, refusing to meet his gaze as you shake your head in defeat.
“Fine. I do like you. I like you a lot, and I’ve liked you for over a fucking year now, happy?” You rambled, finally meeting his eye with a frustrated glare.
He stayed silent. He knew what was coming, he knew you liked him, but actually hearing you confess it was completely different, he felt as though his heart would burst out of his chest.
Of course, you had no idea what was going through his head as he looked down at you without saying a word.
“Just go away, Pierre. I should’ve never told you.” You moved to close your door, but he quickly stopped you.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. Just… hearing you actually say it. It was nice.”
“For your ego or…?”
“No! Dieu, princesse,” a slight smile finds its way onto his face at the way you were trying to get on his nerves, most likely to distract him from your rushed confession (he was right). “I like you too. A lot.” He places his hands on both your shoulders, almost reassuringly, as he looked into your eyes.
“Really?” You unsurely said. The hostile facade you put up to hide any feelings of undying love towards him melted ridiculously quick at his words.
“To be honest, I thought I made it more than clear.” He grinned. Your brows raised, taking the past year and a half into consideration.
In any social situation, whether it be a gathering of your mutual friends or a large celebration of some sort in which there would be no need to even look in one another’s directions, he’d find any excuse to be right there next to you, ready to annoy you or something along those lines. A prime example of this being the party days prior, or more specifically the interaction that finally led to you releasing the song completely unprecedented.
Or the more glaringly obvious sign, the constant flirting.
“Wow.” You couldn’t help but smile. “You actually like me.” He only shrugged.
“How could I not?” You giggled, leaning further into his hold.
“You’re being so sweet, it’s making me feel like shit for not releasing a cuter song.”
“Don’t worry amour, I like that one perfectly fine.” He smirked, brushing a stray piece of hair from your face.
“Y’know, I was thinking you’d just kiss me but-”
As you’d hoped, you were cut off by Pierre’s lips on yours.
His head lifted from his phone when he heard your laugh. His favourite sound. Your head tossed back as you gently smacked your friend on the arm. Pierre couldn’t help the way the corner of his mouth tugged up into a smile.
He didn’t think it was possible to love you any more, but with every single interaction since unveiling the fact you both held the same feelings for one another, he was falling even harder.
“I thought you two hated each other?” another friend spoke up. “How come you’re sending heart eyes every time you see her now?”
“You know what they say, it’s a thin line between love and hate.” He shamelessly shrugged, just as you turned to him with a smile and a small wave. He didn’t even try hiding his blush.
#pierre gasly x reader#pierre gasly#pierre gasly x y/n#f1#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#pierre gasly imagine#charles leclerc x reader#lando norris x reader#enemies to lovers#f1 imagine#f1 x female reader#pierre gasly x you
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Your Hands All Over My Guilty Conscience
☆ Okkotsu Yuuta x F!Reader
☆ Chapter 1/7
☆ Genre: Fluff & Smut, Mutual Pining
☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+
☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, College AU, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Obsession, Loyalty, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Drinking, House Party, Masturbation
☆ Word Count: 10.6k
☆ Summary: Linked at the hip as best friends since birth, you and Yuta have never once not been at eachother's side. Anyone who knew one of you, had to know the other. You made quite the reputation for yourselfs as an inseparable duo, throughout all your school years together. Yuta was committed to keep things this way, despite his secret feelings for you. He was strong-willed, keeping his longing emotions reined in and your relationship stable just the way it is.
But once the two of you graduate and enter university, this proves to be more difficult than Yuta anticipated. He finds himself in a whole other playing field. One that forces him to see and confront his feelings for you head-on. His once clean consciences regarding you, starts becoming more and more tainted. And worse, uni only seems to pull the two of you apart, something neither of you are used to. What is he supposed to do with all these new experiences and deep yearning for you?
☆ A/N: i actually wrote this chapter a while ago but didnt want to share until i had more planned out and written! hopefully next chapter is soon but this first one is probably longer than the ones following will be! think of it like a detailed opening introduction to the story.
warning: this story switches from fluff to smut/perverted a lot. might throw you off at times. also, HEAVY on the obsession tag. youre both obsessed with eachother but i really went over the top to express how crazy yuta is for you. hehe
Read on AO3
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Chapter 1 - Firsts
Yuta has a guilty conscience.
He’s known he was in love with you since high school. And aside from the painfulness that comes with an unreciprocated crush, he actually didn’t mind his feelings. He liked being head over heels for you. It was a privilege, he thought, to get to love you, even just to know you.
The two of you have been glued by the hip since birth practically. Your mom’s were best friends and somehow ended up pregnant at the same time, basically raising you two together. It really shouldn’t be a surprise the way he feels, after having you by his side all this time, how could he ever love someone else as deeply as he does you?
You were popular in high school, and people would only really acknowledge him in the way it related to you. “Y/n’s friend”. “That guy thats always with Y/n.” And, Yutas personal favorite, “Y/n’s boyfriend.” That one was always used in a way to tease you, and you would always refute it and scold whoever said it. But deep down it made him happy to be called that, and maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why at some point he started doing things in the hallways or the lunchroom to enforce that rumor. Very subtle physical affection that he was known for doing with you at this point. Fingers gently entangling with yours while the two of you talk about something by the window. It’s so gentle that you don’t even notice or mind, but anyone who was looking at you could see that you’re obviously holding hands, albeit weakly. The need to always be touching you in some way when you were together. Shoulders slumped into eachother while sitting together, pinkies wrapped while you sit on the school grass with friends, his hands grazing against yours when you walk side by side. He could never get enough of the little things. And yeah he did it for the rumors, so everyone would know that even if it wasn’t official, you were his. You were claimed already. No one could be this close with you and get away with it. But when you two were alone it was even better.
Yuta's love language was most definitely physical touch. You’ve always known that he likes to be physical, and that was just his way of showing he liked you. Platonically, in your eyes. When you’d hang out at each others house, he was still always connected with you in some way. Head in your lap as the two of you talk about some drama in your class. Arms around you from behind with his head on your shoulder as you finish a level of a game he already died in. Legs entangled in various ways under the kotatsu as you both do homework. It took many forms. It never bothered you luckily, in fact you’d long become accustomed to it. Even as kids Yuta was the same, and your moms used to eat it up and say you two would be married someday, taking a thousand one pictures of you for that reason.
It really was all innocence until sometime in high school when he had developed feelings. His physical affection never changed but the feeling and motive behind it might’ve. And sometimes he quite literally couldn't do some of the stuff he used to do when you were younger, because it would most definitely give him away now.
He’ll never forget the day it really changed for him. Playing video games with his arms around you like normal, but it wasn’t normal this time. His heart was beating, he was nervous. Looking up at you from your shoulder, he couldn’t get over how you look pretty from every angle. How cute were your reactions to every hit of damage you take in the game. Suddenly he’s incredibly aware of where his hands are sitting, how close you are, your warmth, your breathing, how good you smell. Something in his awareness heightens, like the flick of a switch, and he realizes that this is different. Different to what he thought it was. He also realizes how bad that is, and it makes his stomach drop. He went home early that day, but nothing ever changed. Only the way he felt.
After that day Yuta knew he had to be mindful with the way he acted with you, and even in the way he thought of you. He allowed himself to have loving thoughts of you, for they could always be rationalized in someway to be friendly. “You’re so pretty” could be followed by “so I cant believe none of the guys in class have confessed to you yet.” and “You have the most precious laugh” could be backed by “its no wonder why you have so many friends”. Stuff like that. What he wouldn’t allow and actively tried to avoid, were thoughts that could not possibly be platonic in any use of the word. Like sexual thoughts.
It was only natural. After becoming aware of his feelings and with the effects of maturing into a young adult he was bound to have thoughts like this. But he wouldn’t allow it, not even in your absence, in his own privacy. Of course he couldn’t fight sexual urges all together, but he did his very best not to think of you when he was doing something like that. And Yuta was very good at self-discipline, the reason why his test scores are the best in your grade. He was successful in pushing the thoughts away, avoiding seeing you in this new forbidden light. For a long time.
And everything was fine. You never suspected a thing from him, your friendship never changed, and you even ended up enrolling in the same university.
That’s where his trouble started.
College is a totally different experience from high school that he wasn’t quite expecting. And everything has been taking a toll on him lately.
When the two of you first start, everything’s fine. You already know a bunch of freshman from your school, but you’re also easy to make friends with a bunch of other people as well. Yuta mostly stays with your smaller friend group that you two had in highschool. Inumaki and Panda got into the same Uni as well, not to mention the boys ended up living together.
And Yuta has no real issue with you making new friends at all, of course he’s happy for you. You still like to have him with you all the time, even if you don’t have many classes together. So long as he can still have time with you, he’s happy. What starts to bother him is the way the guys around you stare. Men in uni are much different from high school. And most of the guys here have no idea about the rumors of you two, all his years of showing such a thing are now practically worthless. You don’t notice, but he always does. He hated the way they stare, as if undressing you with their disrespectful eyes, grinning and whispering to friends, probably making sly comments he can’t hear when they shouldn’t even have the right to take the slightest glance in your direction.
“Yuta?” You call to him from where you sit next to him in the dining hall. He just now realizes that he’d been staring down these two guys a couple tables away in his peripheral vision.
“Huh? Yeah?” He calls back to you, turning to look at you now.
“Is something wrong?“
“Huh? No, nothing.”
“Oh, okay… well, did you hear what I said?” You ask and his heart sinks a little. He wasn’t listening, he didnt even realize you were talking to him.
“No.. I’m sorry. Tell me again?” He offers, giving you his full attention now. You give him a smile at hearing his usual sweet tone of voice when he speaks to you. You love everything about the way he is with you.
“I was talking about a party I got invited to-“
“You were invited to a party?? But-“
“Yu, let me finish.” You tell him before he can start lecturing you about it being dangerous or something, as you’re positive he was going to. He pouts a little. Cute.
“It’s for freshman. An upperclassman invited me so I think it’s for all years, but I guess it’s more of a welcoming party.” You explain and Yuta only frowns more. Since when did you make friends with an upperclassman? He’s never seen you with one. And the thought of you being at a party with a bunch of drunk guys or just drunk people in general makes him nervous.
His fingers automatically find yours under the table. Without thinking he finds a way to connect with you. It may have been to calm himself down, or maybe to get your attention again so you could see that he’s clearly uncertain about this idea. He couldn’t say. It does get your attention though, and you give him a look of understanding as your fingers intertwine a bit more.
“I know college parties can be kinda crazy and all that, and I wouldn’t want to go alone anyways even if they weren’t. They said I could invite whoever I wanted so.. You guys wanna come?”
“Sure, I’m down.” Inumaki says, and Yuta had almost forgot his friends were there for a second.
“Oh, yeah! Our first college party! I’ll be there.” Panda grins and you smile at their agreement. Your gaze returns to Yuta again, and his to yours.
“I’m.. not really into parties but..” He starts and you look like you’re anticipating his agreement. “If you wanna go, of course I’ll go with you.”
You smile at him, sweet as ever. But you do feel a bit bad about the possibility that you’re forcing him. As much as you want him there, you don’t want him to be miserable going with you.
“You don’t have to, y’know. Just because I’m going. I wont make you.” You remind him and he smiles too now, nodding.
“I know. I want to.” He reassures you and you feel relieved at that. “Plus, I want to make sure you guys are all safe. It’s better to go with a group to stuff like this and have someone to look over everyone.”
“You don’t have to worry about me.” Inumaki tells him. “I can’t drink.”
Right, Inumaki has a chronic condition that makes his throat very sensitive, of course he wouldn’t be allowed alcohol.
“And I have a high tolerance! I’ll be fine.” Panda informs too, and you all look at him like you’re suspicious of how he even knows that. He just smiles.
“Well, still. Being in one place with a ton of drunk people is dangerous on its own.” Yuta says anyways, going back to picking at his food.
You give him a knowing look.
“You can just admit you wanna come and have fun. It’s okay, we wont judge you.” You tease and the other two chuckle a bit.
“Well, maybe.” Yuta gives after a second of embarrassment by your call out. “But I’m mostly going for the other reason.”
You laugh at how cute he is, squeezing his hand before letting it go to hug him. He blushes in concession with both your adorable laugh and your warm embrace. His two friend wiggle their eyebrows at him as your back is to them and Yuta rolls his eyes at them. They are always contempt to tease him in silence. Yuta never even told them about how he feels, but he knows they just know. And he doesn’t mind. As long as it doesn’t get to you.
Agreeing to go to this party with you was probably both the best and worst thing he could’ve done. It would’ve been better if he could’ve talked you out of coming, but he knew from the beginning that wouldn’t be an option, and he wouldn’t want to control you.
When you first get there, the four of you are a bit awkward. Panda offers to take your first ever shot with you and somehow Yuta even agrees to do “just the one”. You take the hit pretty well, but you all burst out laughing when Yuta makes the most disgusted expression you’ve ever seen on him.
It’s sweet, even if embarrassing, the two of you having “first” moments together like this. It’s not long before your two friends are nowhere to be found, and Yuta can assume why they left you two alone. It’s also not long after that you’re convincing him to take another couple of shots with you, even though he hated the first one, he loved having these moments with you. He’d do anything with you. Even follow you to the center of the room to dance when he’s always known he’s not the best dancer.
When you’re dancing, quite a few people come up to you to talk, even just to say hello. You really know a lot of people. But it doesn’t bother him at all because even with everyone that comes by, you never once let go of his hand. And when your attention isn’t on him, he can freely admire you as much as he wants without having to be cautious about the way he looks at you.
He knows the alcohol is catching up to him a little when he starts to get needy. Any kind of connection with you is enough for him on a normal day, but right now he has the urge to be all over you, and it’s taking everything in him to keep it subtle.
You’re still talking to some girl he’s maybe seen a few times— he can’t recall, when he decides he needs your attention again. He pulls your hand towards him, but it doesn’t deter you from the loud conversation you’re having, much more than a quick glance at him. On the inside it feels like he could start whining, begging for you to look at him, be with him in this moment. The music isn’t helping either, some seductive rnb song with vulgar lyrics pumping in his ears. He does something he’s never done before, without much thought to it either. His free hand reaches out and grabs your waist, gripping you tightly and pulling you towards him. You gasp and look at him with surprise. Even more surprised when you see the longing expression on his face. Your friend seemingly understands and leaves you two be, to Yutas relief.
He can’t stand the embarrassment he feels with the way you’re looking at him, but he also can’t bare to be apart from you at all anymore. He pulls you in, his arms wrapping around you, hands resting in a dangerous area. Any lower and this couldn’t be considered platonic at all. He bends over a bit so his head can nuzzle into your neck. He wants to feel you, all of you, even more than this. But he stops here.
“Yu…?” You say in a bit of a confused tone, right in his ear. A chill runs down his spine. Your hands had already come up to wrap around him as well, rubbing his back in a way that made him feel so warm.
“Mmve you.” He mumbles and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying anymore.
“Hm?” You ask for him to clarify, voice smooth like honey, but he doesn’t say anything else. The two of you stay like that, starting to rock to the music when it’s clear that this is not just a hug.
It’s not like you look out of place at all, there are plenty of people around you doing something similar, even straight up making out.
“Yu.. look at me.” You tell him and he can’t help but comply. His head lifts up from your shoulder and he stands up a bit straighter to look at you.
“You okay??” You ask him sweetly and his heart races looking into your eyes. It’s too much for him. This is all too much.
He nods anyways, eyes closing and forehead coming to rest against yours.
He thinks you must be at least a little drunk too by the way your hands start to caress his back and sides. But he doesn’t even think about what you might be thinking about him being so clingy like this. He knows you don’t mind, that you understand, you always understand him. He loves you for it.
“You drunk already? Hmm??” You say and he doesn’t have to be looking at you to hear the smirk in your voice.
“I mean I expected it but you’re really a lightweight, huh?” You say to him and this time he opens his eyes to see you smiling.
“Of course I am.. this is my first time drinking.” Yuta says in basically a whine. Your heart races.
The thing Yuta doesn’t know, is that you’re obviously just as needy for him right now. You don’t think the alcohol has really gotten to you that much, and thank god for that honestly. But you love seeing him like this, it’s making you feel all types of things about him.
There’s a silence as he frowns. You tilt your head as if saying “what?” to him.
“I need to use the bathroom.” He tells you so bluntly that it makes you laugh. But before you know it you’re leading him to the bathroom, guiding him by the hand. Truth is, you don’t know where it is either, you’ve never been here. But you feel a sort of need to take charge for some reason. You find it pretty quickly anyways, and tell him you’ll wait outside.
Relieving himself proves difficult after having gotten half hard from what just happened. He’s lucky you didnt feel it, or maybe you did and you didn’t say anything. Who knows? Eventually he figures it out and gets back outside.
His heart sinks when he doesn’t see you. Glancing around frantically, he tries to look for any sight of you. Red, you were wearing red, that and any of your features that he’s so familiar with would be impossible to miss. He starts pushing past people, anxiously looking for where you might’ve gone. It’s maybe 20 minutes later when he finally finds you, in the kitchen. After the relief washes over him, he realizes that the anxiety looking for you definitely sobered him up already.
He wasn’t able to see at first, someone blocking his view, but as he moves further into the kitchen, he catches it. A guy talking to you, but not just any guy, the guy from the lunch room the other day.
His dirty mouth probably having said disgusting things about you—that you’re totally unaware of, yapping away at you as you nod at him.
No. He wont have it.
He continues to push past people, small apologizes leaving his mouth all the same even with all the anger running through him right now. You’re surprised when he grabs your wrist, even though he’s still gentle about it, it comes so suddenly.
“Oh! Yuta, you-“
“Where’d you go?” He asks immediately, as if scolding you.
“Huh? Where’d I.. oh! My friend pulled me away I- oh but I told someone waiting in line to tell you where I went did they not tell you?”
“No. No one told me.” He states coldly and you frown.
“Oh. Sorry..” You say but realize that now he’s glaring at the guy you were just talking to. “Oh, yeah, this is-“
“Don’t care.” He mutters and before you can say anything, he’s pulling you back towards the living room from where he came in. His pull isn’t harsh, you could easily refute, but you follow him anyways.
He leads you away until you’re in the corner of the room, away from the speakers where it’s a bit quieter.
“Wha was that? Kinda rude, Yu.” You say, confused, and now significantly more disoriented. Your friends had pulled you away for a drinking game, and Yuta was in the bathroom for a bit.
“You said you would wait outside.” He says, almost like pouting, but his expression is stern and serious.
“Yeah but you were taking foreverrr.” You tease, giving him a silly smile. “What were you even doing in there, huh?”
“That doesn’t matter, you scared me! I told you places like this are dangerous for-“ He starts to lecture you, but cuts himself off to focus on you for a second. It finally starts to click for him that you aren’t in the same state he left you in. Your eyes are lazy, kind of wandering. Your body swaying and unbalanced. And just from knowing how your body language usually is, he knows something is really off.
“Did you drink more while I was in the bathroom?” He asks.
“Yeah.” You tell him honestly, not seeing any reason to hide it.
“How much?”
“Ummmm….”
“You don’t know?!”
“I’m thinking!!”
You put your finger to your lips and start working your brain to remember, counting off the number in your head.
“Y/n, you’re scaring me.” Yuta says as it takes you longer than he thinks it should to answer.
“It was like.. four.. actually, five.”
“Five what?”
“Shots.”
“Of what??”
“Um.. alcohol?”
“You don’t even know what they were giving you?” Yuta stares at you in complete disbelief.
“Well, they didn’t tell me, so..” You mumble a reply, feeling guilty now like you must have made a mistake. “Does it really matter?”
“Y/n!” Yuta says as if scolding you, again.
“What? It was a game, we were all just having fun!!” You retort.
“You can’t just take any drink anyone gives you! I cant believe I have to tell you that.” He says, crossing his arms.
“They’re not just anyone they’re my friends!” You retort again, frowning at him.
“I’m your friend. You hardly know these people!” He argues without hesitation and something in you hurts at those words.
“Yu…”
“And what’s in that, then?” He inquires, pointing down, and— up until now you totally forgot the red cup in your hand. Oh, make that 6(?) drinks you guess.
“It’s mango juice and… vodka.” You tell him warily, knowing you have no clue what kind of alcohol it actually is. But you can’t lie to his face, you know you can’t. “…Probably.”
“Probably?!”
“Yu!! Stop worrying! Look, I’m fine! I’m safe! And I have you here, so iss okay.” You tell him genuinely and Yuta’s heart pangs. Knowing you have so much security and trust in him to know you’ll be safe as long as he’s here, makes him incessantly happy. But he just doesn’t trust the people here, and god forbid he lose you again.
“Y/n, let’s go home.” He tells you as nicely as he can.
“What? No, I’m having fun.” You tell him to his dismay and he frowns. He really doesn’t want to argue with you.
“Please. The alcohol you had probably hasn’t even really caught up with you yet. We should get you home before it does.”
“Yu, I’m not leaving. I came to have a good time.” You tell him again firmly and he basically pouts at this. “Cmon. I wanna have a good time with you too. Let’s go dance again.”
You entice him, your hand finding his for the millionth time, that look in your eyes as you stare up at him. You have to know what you do to him, right?
“…Alright.” He agrees and your smile spreads into a grin, practically jumping in place with excitement and victory at convincing him.
“But!” He interrupts, putting his finger up and making you go still again. “No more drinking for the night.”
“Whattt?” You frown and protest as he takes the cup that was basically empty anyways out of your hands.
“You’ve had a lot already for your first time and I don’t want you to get sick. Let’s just hang out for the rest of the time, okay?”
You pout as he waits for your compliance to his terms. You think about how likely it would be for him to actually carry you out of here if you didn’t.
“Promise me? Please?” He says sweetly, looking into your eyes as if further asking with them. You cant say no to him like this.
“Fine.” You tell him and you adore the way he smiles afterward. “For you.”
After that, the two of you are back in the middle of where everyone else is dancing. This time he isn’t really intoxicated at all and maybe that’s why he’s not so needy. Your other friends come to join with you, even inumaki and panda as well. He sees you having a good time and that’s enough for him to have a good time too. Though he supposes he’s also just having fun dancing and being young with everyone like this.
The night about peaks there.
After dancing a bit, you lean into Yuta’s ear to tell him you’re gonna go get water for the two of you. You’re basically yelling since you guys are dancing pretty close to the speakers this time. When Yuta finally understands you he shoots you a concerned look. You roll your eyes.
“You trust meee, right?” You say again into his ear. He nods without hesitating. Of course he trusts you.
“I’m just getting water, promise.” You tell him again. “I’ll be back.”
Before he can offer to get it instead, you’re gone.
He watches you go, snaking your way through people toward the kitchen. He feels a bit awkward with you gone now, like it’s not as fun in your absence. Still he watches your friends and his dance along together, and he can’t help smiling at them.
After a minute he feels a hand on his arm, and he looks over, thinking it’s you. It’s a girl he’s never seen before. Or at least he thinks he hasn’t. She’s mouthing something at him, probably talking at normal volume, but he can’t hear obviously.
“Sorry, what? I can’t hear you!” He shouts over the music and she beckons him with her hand to come closer. He complies, not really thinking much of it. She must have something to tell him. Maybe it’s about you?
When he does lean in, shes so close he can feel her breathing. It’s weird, being this close to someone else and it almost feels wrong. She just starts a normal conversation with him, asking where he’s from and what year he is. It seems normal and Yuta talks along with her, thinking it a little strange to be having a normal conversation somewhere so inconvenient. But he’s polite about it. She keeps talking, and all Yuta can think about is where you are. Would it take this long to get water? No, but, he trusts you. He doesn’t need to worry.
“Are you okay?” The girl asks and he snaps back to the current moment again.
“H-huh? Oh, yeah.” He yells back, as they’ve been doing for a few minutes.
She says something like he’s very cute, or that’s what he thinks she said. When it’s clear he didn’t properly hear her, she pulls him close, forcefully by his shirt. It’s when she starts saying things in his ear that are obviously flirting now that he finally sees you out of the corner of his eye. You look shocked but, hey, you do have two cups of water with you.
You start talking to the girl, back and forth, the two of you talking quickly about something he’s not quite hearing.
Something something- you. Something something- your boyfriend? Something something- just leave something alone.
Then they start getting louder, and he starts to hear better. This is also where he starts to realize you’re not just talking to her, you’re arguing with her.
“Why do you even care? _____ jealous?” The other girl says, parts of what she’s saying still kind of blank. The two of them are clearly angry now. Even your friends are starting to wonder whats going on.
“Excuse me? Who even are you? You ____ and then ____?!”
From there it all happens so quickly, Yuta barely has time to process it all. He knows how you get when you’re angry, he’s seen you argue with girls and even guys from your school before. Hell, even when you were kids you used to get into fights with other kids who would bully him until they stopped. It’s not that you look for a fight, or that you’re easy to get upset at all, but when you do you’re a hundred percent with it. You don’t waver or back down, as long as you believe you’re in the right. But, what could this girl have possibly done to make you so mad? And what’s gonna happen when how you usually are in an arguement is boosted with the effects of being intoxicated?
He has no time to prevent it at all. Voices get louder, you both get closer. Then he hears the other girl say “Oh, why don’t we test that then, huh?”
She turns to him, calls something out to him, but he just continues to stand there, very confused. Suddenly her hands are reaching up for him, taking his face in her hands and pulling him towards her own. Again, this is all happening too fast for Yuta to process. He only realizes shes about to kiss him when all at once the girl is now drenched in water, some of the splash bouncing off and hitting him as well. She freezes to look down at herself in shock, and Yuta stares with eyes wide. He’s too late to look at you because when he does, you’re already lunging at her, shoving her towards the wall with no remorse.
He’s quick to act this time as you’re about to go after her for more, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you back as you actively squirm and yell for him to let you go. It’s to his dismay when he sees the other girl coming towards you now rather than leaving. Your other friends join in to help in holding the both of you back. It’s a bit of a struggle to get you two apart, but before he knows it, Yuta and the other boys have successfully gotten you away. Which happened to be upstairs, since the girls were taking the other girl outside.
Thankfully it didn’t cause too big of a scene. People around had stopped to look and see what was going on, but once the fight was prevented, everything went back to normal.
“What the hell was that?! What happened?!” Panda shouts at you as you’re still panting from all the struggle to get out of the hold of the three boys that now stand around you in some random bedroom. You’re on the bed, and Yuta sits next to you. You don’t even want to look at him.
“What did she say??” Inumaki adds.
“Are you okay?” Yuta also adds, sweetly more concerned about that than anything.
“I’m fine.” You say in a tone that indicates you are infact not.
“Oh, sure, answer Yuta but not us.” Panda says, rolling his eyes. “Can we get an explanation?”
“Guys. Cmon. That was obviously a lot. She needs time to process.” Yuta says in your defense and it’s honestly hard to stay mad at him, though you’re not even quite sure why you are. You’re feeling a lot of things right now.
The three of them go back and forth a bit and you’re not having it, already upset enough.
“Can you guys jush leave me alone!!” You shout and again, you’re not even sure why. You don’t want to be alone.
“…What?” Yuta says, almost like in disbelief, and you turn to see his sad expression. Something on your heart tugs. You don’t think you’ve ever asked Yuta to leave you alone. He was always around to help you even in your lowest times, even when it was the two of you who fought.
You hear a sigh from Inumaki.
“Alright, we get it, we’ll leave you two alone. Lovebirds.” He says, muttering the last part. You blush slightly, they totally read through you just now.
“We expect an explanation later though!” Panda calls on their way out. The two of you stare at the door for a moment after.
When Yuta finally turns back at you, he’s genuinely surprised to see you look so angry. Were you mad at him?
“What’s… going on? What happened back there?” He asks you gently, cautiously.
“Yuta you are so clueless!!” You shout at him suddenly, making him jump.
“H-huh?!”
“You didn’t notice?! She was flirting with you!” You say and push his chest, too gentle to actually be real anger.
“What?? I mean.. well I kind of noticed, eventually…” he says sheepishly, a bit confused. “Why does it matter?”
He watches your face heat up and you quickly look away from him.
“Oh my god,” you say, putting your face in your hands. “You make me feel crazy.”
“Huh?” Yuta mumbles again and then he suddenly remembers that you’re still drunk. He goes to touch your arm but you snap back around at him before he can.
“She was trying to kiss you!!” You shout and he nods in surprise.
“I know!” He confirms and his heart speeds up when he realizes that was clearly not the thing to say. You suddenly look sad instead of mad, and it breaks his heart.
“I-It’s not like I wanted her to. It happened so fast I-“
“Yeah right, when I got there she was all over you! You’ve always been clueless!! It’s like this any time any girl flirts with you! In highschool too.”
…what?
When Yuta looks back on tonight, it was obvious that girl was flirting with him, sure, even if he did notice kind of late. But high school? He never had girls who flirted with him, not that he can think of.
“What.. do you mean? I was never hit on in high school.”
“Yeah, that’s what you think.” You say, poking his chest. “That’s my point.”
This is troubling for him as he starts to really analyze anytime any girl might of flirted with him in the past. No matter how hard he thinks, he can’t even think of one.
Then he realizes something. What… does this have to do with anything? So you were mad that that girl was flirting with him. Got that. But why? There’s really only one answer right? But there’s no way… it has to be in a platonic way, right? Jealousy.
He snaps out of his thoughts suddenly when he hears a familiar sniffle, and his awareness lights up, like an instinct. You’re crying. You’re crying right next to him, and it seems like it’s his fault. His heart aches and he immediately pulls you into an embrace, quietly cooing soft affirming words and apologies, rubbing your back. He remembers AGAIN, the fact that you are very drunk, and of course your actions are not going to completely make sense to him or anyone. People do unreasonable things when they’re drunk right? Things they’d never think of doing sober. So, he decides to just comfort you and assure you rather than argue or try to understand anymore.
You stay like this, gently crying into his chest and gripping his shirt as he holds you, his chin resting on your head. He knows exactly when you need this kind of comforting, and he’s very happy to give it to you. You go quiet after a few minutes, and he doesn’t pull back until you quietly call his name.
“Yuta.” You say, slightly muffled.
“Mm?” He hums as he softly pulls back to look at you.
You look up at him, eyes wet and face tinted pink, an absolute painting of purity underneath him.
“We should kiss.” You tell him, completely genuine.
“h-hUH?!” He squeaks and the crack in his voice does not help his face that immediately turned red at your words.
“You don’t want to?” You say sadly and this feels like some kind of test.
“No, I!- I mean… why… do you say that?” His words leave his mouth in a pathetic way that he hates, as if betraying him.
“It’s just…” You start sheepishly, and now you have to look away, embarrassed. “We’ve been together since we were kids.. we’ve done everything together. All the firsts. So…”
He watches as you breathe in and turn to look at him again, hanging on to every word you’re saying.
“Doesn’t it make sense that we should be eachothers first kiss too? It’d be weird to give it to anyone else… and you almost had someone take your first kiss tonight… that can happen too, so…”
You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk. You’re drunk.
He has to hammer that into his head to not lose himself here. But even repeating it to himself over and over, he’s leaning in, and you’re leaning in. You’re so close, something he’s always wanted deep down is right in front of him, teasing, taunting him.
It takes everything in him to pull back again.
“I can’t…” He says, his eyes clenched shut.
“Why?”
“Because you’re drunk.”
��And?”
“And… it would be wrong…” he continues, really trying his best to keep composure here, and somewhat failing. His eyes shoot open when he feels you climb over him, coming to sit in his lap where your legs stratal him. Now this is something you two have never done. Your body is so warm on top of his, and your hands too when they come to rest against his chest. One hand comes up to brush a hair out of his eyes, then falling down to caress his cheek. He swallows hard.
What are you doing?
“This is about me?” You ask him curiously. Your sober self would be shocked by how easily you’re about to do something you’ve always dreamed of doing to Yuta specifically. You want to kiss him, of course, but you also want to tease him. You love to do so on a normal day, but you’ve been given quite the special opportunity with the current situation and your rise in confidence thanks to the drinks earlier.
“Yes.. b-but this is-“
“If it’s about me, then let’s just do it. I’m practically sober.” You lie to him, which you never do. You really want this.
“You’re not. You’re drunk, I can tell.” He calls your bluff even in his flustered state. You’re caught. You can’t really argue with him on that. Instead you bring your head down to lay on his shoulder, resting there for a moment. He sighs quietly in relief, thinking you’d given in, his arms coming in to hold you again. There’s a moment of peace.
A loud gasp leave his lips suddenly when you start pressing your lips to his neck. Softly, you place one by one, moving around to make sure to give him plenty. You feel like you’re on fire when you hear him start to moan at this. You knew he’d be the type to moan and whine, you know him. You want to hear more. You cant stop yourself.
“Ah.. Y/n..” he breathes as you kiss up to the nape of his ear and along his collar bone. You even come up to give his cheek a couple of pecks the way you think you must’ve when you were really little. My how times change, and yet not at all. All he can think about is how soft your lips are, trying to fight against is own pleasure.
“Y/n..” he says, strained, like he’s pleading you. “Really, we can’t do this… Please, stop.”
At his specific request for you to stop, you do. You pull back and look at him. His face is flushed like crazy and he looks so lusted. Yet he said no, and his hands stay put on your back. In fact, he’s not moved a muscle at all since you climbed onto him.
“You really don’t want to?” You ask, almost sadly.
“I already told you..” he trails off weakly, not able to look at you in the eyes. His face is really burning up. Honestly even he’s impressed with how much he’s able to hold back right now. Literally any other circumstance. Anywhere, anytime, he would give into you. But he would hate himself if tomorrow you said this was a mistake, or god forbid got angry at him for letting you do something in a state where your minds not right like this. You trusted him to keep you safe, and that includes from himself. He is a man after all, childhood best friend or otherwise. He’s doing this for you essentially, even though it’s ironically the opposite of what you want in the moment.
“If you’d rather have your first time with someone else, you can just say that.” You say, stubborn, frowning at him. What first are you talking about here?
“You know it’s not that-“
“Say you don’t want to and I’ll drop it.” You say sternly, giving him the hard choice. You don’t know how you got stuck on this, or even if your reasoning or actions were making sense. All you know is you want to kiss your best friend, and you want him to want it too.
He groans, almost a whine and you feel him squeeze your sides. You get excited for a moment, thinking he’ll give in.
“Fine... I… I don’t want to.” He says finally, and looking you in the eyes when he does so you know that he’s serious this time. He can’t even believe it himself, he knows that’s a huge lie. But it’s the only way to get you to stop apparently, and it’s for your own good. Plus, this is something he hasn’t even allowed himself to fantasize about, and now it’s happening right in front of him. He’s a little scared of what this might do to him, and more importantly, your relationship. He’s also unsure if he has the self control to stop after kissing you once. Cross that first line and there’s no telling where this will end up. Maybe that’s the real reason he knows he has to hold back for your sake. One kiss wouldn’t be so bad, after all.
You go from looking hurt, and then back to angry. You push yourself up off him, coming to stand.
“Fine. Then, maybe I should go get that girl. Since I obviously ruined what you two had going on.” You shoot at him, turning towards the door. Apparently being drunk really amplifies your jealousy, which is new to you. Usually you’re very good at hiding or completely ignoring it.
“Y/n, that’s crazy. Why would I want to kiss some girl I hardly know?”
“Well you clearly weren’t against it!” You say, turning to him again with your arms crossed.
“I didn’t notice! I don’t want to kiss her!” He insists.
“Whatever!” You head for the door again, hand taking the knob. You feel him grab your other hand.
“Y/n-“
“Let go!” You shout and try to pull your arms from his grasp to no avail.
“Please. Just stop. Listen to me.” He pleads, ignoring your squirming to pull you back to him. You finally look up at him, annoyed.
“You’re my best friend. I’ve had you for as long as I can remember, and you’re right. We’ve done everything together. It would be weird to have my first with anyone else, so… I actually think, what you said.. I think it’s a good idea. I want to do it.” He tells you quickly so that you’ll hear him out. You look at him a little surprised.
“Wha..? But you just-“
“I’ll tell you what…” He stops you before you can retaliate. “If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”
He tells you this and you immediately believe him. You know he will, he never goes back on his word. Still, your stubborn expression doesn’t waver much.
“I promise.” He says, squeezing your hand and giving you a genuine look. That does it. You let out a sigh.
Truth is, ever since standing up, you’ve felt kind of dizzy and gross. It’s been hard to even stay focused on what you were mad about.
You lean forward, dropping into Yuta’s chest, surprising him a little.
“I don’t feel good.” You say weakly and he chuckles.
“Let’s leave, yeah?” He suggests and you nod, following as he finally opens the door and leads you down the hall. He only stops in front of the stairs when you stop, pulling his arm by staying in place. He looks back at you, confused, but understands almost immediately after seeing you. He realizes now that he must’ve underestimated just how “not good” you felt.
He takes you back towards the bathroom, gently, but with urgency. You make it there and luckily there’s no line either. He guides you in with a hand on your back, shutting and locking the door after you.
Honestly you don’t know why but you’re embarrassed by what he’s about to see. It’s not like he hasn’t seen you in terrible states before, sick, or sobbing, or depressed. But this is just, humiliating for some reason, especially after what just happened. Though it could be worse.
He of course pulls your hair back as you let it out into the toilet. He hates hearing your sounds of pain and he’s pretty sure he hears you crying as well. He wishes he could help more, but once he thinks you’re done he just gently rubs your back for a while.
“Sorry..” you mumble to him without moving and he shakes his head immediately.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” He reassures you.
I love you. I would do this for you everytime. Is what he wishes he could say. And he so badly wants to think about everything that just happened in that bedroom, to replay it in his mind and ask questions. But he knows to save it for later. Your condition is more important right now.
Eventually people outside need to use the restroom, and it seems like you’re not going to throw up anymore, so Yuta helps you up and outside. But even then, you feel too weak to stand and you decide to sit against the hallway wall. He takes a seat next to you without question. He sits with you for a while, even after your head falls onto his shoulder and he can tell that you’re asleep.
Panda and Inumaki find you and suggest leaving, so Yuta knows he has to wake you. He shakes you slightly by the shoulder.
“Hey..” he says softly when you groan and blink your eyes a couple times hazily.
“Think you can stand?” He asks you.
You groan and nuzzle further into his shoulder.
“Mdont wantto.” You mumble into him and he smiles.
“Alright, I’m gonna carry you then, okay?” He tells you and you just hum in response.
Eventually you’re on Yuta’s back, walking outside around your school campus to get to his apartment. Most of its a blur as you fall in and out of sleep through the whole walk.
Yuta tells the two very eager-to-know boys about what he thinks happened with you and that girl, but not much about what came after with him. They say the same things his brain was trying to tell him and he kept ignoring. They say it’s obvious. That theres no such thing as “platonic jealousy” like that. But he’s still in denial.
“I’m sure it was only a platonic thing.” He says, trying to convince more than his friends, looking over and checking on you every few seconds to make sure you’re still out. “We’ve never been romantic with anyone so shes probably just nervous about what would happen. I would be too.”
They don’t believe him, and he’s not sure if he does either. But he has to. Because if tonight meant anything else, then what does that mean for you two?
Yuta decided a long time ago that he would never confess, not unless he was 100% sure of your feelings. For fear of losing this privilege to know you, to get to have you around, even if just platonically. He couldn’t bear it. Things had to stay the same.
When you get back to his apartment, he brings you straight to his bed, ready to let you sleep there and find his own place on the couch.
“Do you want to shower first? I can lend you some clean clothes.” He suggests softly as you both sit in the quiet of the room. He brushes your hair gently behind your ear so that it’s out of your face.
“You’re just saying that cus you don’t want me to get all my sweat and stuff on your sheets.” You accuse, but he can tell it’s not hostile at all. You’re not mad anymore.
“I don’t care about that, I can just do laundry tomorrow. But I think it’d feel better for you that way.” He tells you honestly and you sigh. He knows you don’t want to.
“I just wanted to remind you that you can, you don’t have to. But you know what’s mine is yours here, right? If you need anything just go ahead.” He says sweetly and you hum, finally moving to lay down, resting your head on his pillow. It smells like Yuta. You nuzzle into it further.
“Okay.. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.” He tells you with a chuckle.
“Wait.” You say before he can get to the door. He turns to you.
“Mwhere are you goin?” You mumble sleepily. His heart melts.
“Just to the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch so don’t worry, okay?”
“Come here.” You tell him bluntly and he does. When he gets to the bed you pat the spot next to you. His face flushes.
“What? You want me to sleep here??”
“Mhm.”
“With you?”
“Just lay down, Yu.. I wanna sleep.” You groan, too exhausted to be explaining or convincing. You just want him next to you.
And then he’s laying next to you.
This shouldn’t be awkward, you guys have napped together before. But that was a long time ago, and things feel different now. He’s so unsure of where to put his hands or how to position himself until you decide for him. You reach out and pull yourself into him, arms wrapping around him and legs tangling. He naturally just curls around you all the same, feeling your breath on his chest as you easily lull into sleep like this. It’s a bit hard to think about anything but how soft and warm you are for a little while, hot and flustered from how intimate this feels and scared to mess it up. But, he does feel more comfortable after. How could he not? The way you sleep so peacefully in his arms sends him off to sleep not long after you.
The morning after that night is the start of his guilty conscience.
When he wakes up sporting a full hard-on, he’s incredibly glad you’re not in a position to have noticed it. He had the craziest dream about you, and waking up face to face to you afterwards could not make him feel anymore mortified and embarrassed. How could he? Have a wet dream about you when you’re sleeping RIGHT next to him.
And the thoughts he’s having about you right now as he watches you so innocently sleep, blissfully unaware to his thoughts.
It’s horrible.
It’s exciting. No, it’s perverted.
Even with all his self control in previous years, you can’t really control what you dream about, can you? Sure, he’s had dreams like these about you before. But he’s read on the internet that people have wet dreams about random people too, people they’ve never even considered like that! So he doesn’t count it.
But it’s when he’s sliding out of bed to take care of things in the bathroom, trying to relieve himself to anything but the thought of you. He just can’t think of anything else good enough. He wants to think about you so bad. The way you were all over him last night, so many opportunities where he could’ve told you how he feels. He could’ve told you want he wanted from you so badly instead of denying it.
When he was tipsy, body pressed against you and music pumping in his ears. His face tucked into your neck, breathing in your scent clearer than anything and feeling your hands stretched around his back. He even could’ve told you then, that he loved you. How badly he wanted you in that moment too, his desires bubbling up so bad that he could practically beg for you. And maybe you would’ve at least humored him, giggled at his drunken daze and been so gracious as to grant him more of you.
Or what would’ve happened if he had let you do what you wanted? In that bedroom, alone just the two of you, with you in his lap. Would you really have stopped after one kiss?
And then snippets from his dream start to cross his mind. You in the same dress last night that he tried so incredibly hard not to think about too much, how it hugged every curve of your body and made your breasts look so nice. And in that dream, the dirty things you said to him between kisses on his neck while you stroked his length.
“Does that feel good, Yu? You wanna cum for me?”
“Yes.. ffucyes..” He mumbles to himself as his pace gets faster. Somehow it ended up like this, not sure when he even started to touch himself, but far past the headspace to care. He feels his climax already, the thought of you making him so unbelievably excited.
In his mind you’re on top of him, bouncing on his cock in all your glory in that beautiful dress that you love. And he could admire anything else right now but all he wants to see is the look on your face. He wants to see how good he can make you feel, not holding back anything at all.
“Fuck, Yu… That feels so good.. I love you..” You’d whine for him and he can feel his pleasure spilling over.
“Y/n… godfuck.. I love you, I love you.” He chants to himself as quietly as he can manage as his hips start to jerk up and stutter. His climax hits and normally he’d be ready to catch his load in his hands, but it rips through him so urgently and suddenly that it manages to catch him offguard.
He stares at the scene in front of him, the mess he made. His breathing is shaky and uneven. His heartbeat doesn’t slow as he starts to realize what he just did. He just jerked off thinking about you, shamelessly, while you’re literally a room away. How could he? What would you think of him if you found out about this? You’d probably think he’s a huge pervert and never talk to him again, right?
You always understood him, but this is unforgivable.
The guilt eats him alive, even after he’s cleaned up and started making breakfast. Trying to distract himself with tasks and chores, he can’t even bring himself to go back to his room and face you as he keeps thinking about the awful thoughts his mind willingly conjured about you. There’s no excuse now. And even in his guilt, he can’t stop thinking about how good that felt. He’s never felt that good thinking or looking at anything else when pleasuring himself. This is bad. He could get addicted to this. He wants to do it again right now, actually. Is that horrible?
“Yu?” Your voice startles him so bad that he jumps, almost throwing the frying pan in his hold. He turns to see your still fogged-with-sleep self standing before him. You’re still in that dress.
“H-hey. You’re up! I’m… making breakfast. Are you hungry?” He says, nervous for some reason. Like you’d be able to tell immediately just by looking at him what he’s done, smell the pervertedness and deceit on him.
“Mm.. That sounds nice.” You just smile and then let out a small yawn. You’re so adorable. What has he done? “I’m gonna shower first, is that okay?”
Another wave of anxiety rushes through him as he starts to overthink whether or not he cleaned up enough in there. Which is dumb, because he literally scrubbed any evidence possible off the floor with diligence. But maybe you’d find something anyways.
“Oh.. um.. yeah, go ahead. You know I don’t mind.” He says after maybe a little too long of a pause.
He waits for you to come out again with breakfast laid out on the coffee table in front of him. He mindlessly scrolls on his phone to keep his thoughts busy with something, anything else.
When you step out again, you’re wearing one of his t-shirts he almost never wears and seemingly his boxers as well, though he can’t see them very well from how far the shirt falls. He has to act like he’s reading something very interesting on his phone to avoid looking at you, his face blushing. This should be just a regular morning for you two and yet why does it feel like like you just-
“Fuck, I needed that shower! I feel so much better” You tell him as you take a seat by his side.
He smiles, putting his phone down now.
“I’m glad.” He watches you sip down some of the water in front of you, eyes shamefully trained on your lips. “And.. how are you feeling?”
“I feel fine! Don’t worry. I think I probably puked up all the alcohol in my system last night. If anything I’m just hungry. And thirsty.” You tell him as you poke your fork into a piece of pancake on your plate, and then catching yourself. “Oh. Sorry, that’s kinda gross to say right before we eat. Thank you for the food by the way.”
You look at him and smile so sweetly that it makes Yuta forget about all the thoughts plaguing him for a moment. He laughs at your words.
“You’re welcome. But you should eat as much as you can before the other two get out here and devour it all.” He jokes and starts eating as well. You let out a small laugh and nod in agreement.
“You’re right, I forgot they live here.”You say and you’re only half kidding. “That’s why you made so much, huh? I got worried you were expecting me to finish this, but I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Yuta laughs and shakes his head, taking another forkful of eggs. After that the conversation kinda dies as the two of you just enjoy your delicious breakfast.
A few minutes of silence go by before he decides to speak up.
“So.. do you remember much about last night?” He asks you and you turn to him with a curious look. “I know that sometimes if you drink too much it can affect your memory.. so I was just wondering.”
He knows he’s probably blushing a bit now. There’s a real reason why he’s asking you, right?
“Oh. Well, yeah I’m pretty sure I remember most of it. Some of it is maybe a little foggy.” You tell him after thinking for a moment. When you look at him again, he’s staring at you. You laugh a little.
“If you’re wondering if I remember the almost-fight and all that, I definitely do. Though I kinda wish I didn’t.” You joke, but not really kidding. Deep down you are a little mortified about what you did. Moreso with Yuta than with that girl, but still even then you only caused that scene because of your jealousy over Yuta. Does he know you like him that way now? Did you give yourself away?
“Ah.. I see.” He says awkwardly and your guilt pangs in you.
“Yuta.. I’m really sorry about last night.” You say finally and he looks at you kinda surprised. “I mean I did a lot of embarrassing things that weren’t too bad, could just be written off as those funny things I did at my first party, yknow? But..”
You play with the food on your plate a little, not quite able to look at him.
“But I did something really not okay with you. I.. I was forcing myself on you and you were clearly uncomfortable, right? I don’t even know what I was thinking.. I would never..” You start to apologize, but kind of struggle with how to put it. How can you even explain yourself for something like that? Isn’t it obvious?
“Hey, it’s okay.” He says gently, putting your nerves to rest with just one phrase as he puts his warm hand on yours. You look over at him to see him smiling fondly. How can he forgive you so easily?
“It wasn’t like that. I know you weren’t in the right headspace. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t.. do something you’d regret, yknow?” He explains like youre sure he said to you similarly last night. You ended up being regretful anyways, but you suppose this is best case scenario. You cant imagine if you had kept forcing yourself on him then, probably ruining your relationship forever. You’re thankful that your best friend is as sweet and forgiving as he is.
“Thank you.. I still think it was wrong though. I’ll make it up to you.” You promise him and go back to eating.
You don’t bring up the kiss at all. Even though you remember exactly what he told you last night.
“If you wake up tomorrow, when you’re sober, and you still want that first kiss.. I’ll do it.”
You believe him. You know he would, and it scares you. It scares you because you know you might not be able to control yourself if you open that door. Anything could happen after. You’re scared.
Yuta doesn’t bring it up for the same reason. And he doesn’t ask you about your reasonings or motives for why you did what you did that night either. Like why seeing some other girl almost kiss him made you so angry that you offered to take his first instead. No, even though his mind yearned for answers, he was also too scared to look for them. Afraid of what he might find or what trap he might set off.
So, neither of you bring it up. You act like it was all meaningless. Just drunk nonsense with no actual motive behind it.
But even so, that night ends up changing your relationship forever.
#okkotsu yuuta#okkotsu yuta x reader#yuta okkotsu#yuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen#fanfiction#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fluff#fluff#smut#mutual pining#friends to lovers#childhood friends#college au
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It says a ton about Vivziepop’s writing that when watching the latest episodes I was both
1) rooting for the C.H.E.R.U.B.S to win because then it would shake up the status quo and actually make it so that their screentime was justified but knew it wouldn’t happen because she hates that
2) Fully prepared for Stolas to do his full demon mode at the moment where Blitz confronted him because all signs were pointing to that (the red and black colors, Blitz fighting back for once and out of Stolas’s version of him) and in a better show where he was still the villain signify a big turning point in their relationship
Yeah there are no stakes at all. And ykw? That actually worked in season 1. Hear me out, while there were some exceptions like Striker as a threat, in S1 in the first cherubs episode the stakes were really just whether they’d be able to do the job for their client or not. Or the stakes were things like the bet in spring broken. There were episodes with danger like with DHORKS but even then, the agents were played as idiots and the serious/“omg what’s gonna happen next” type of focus never really actually was on them. Rather it was on the character drama that was sprinkled between the whacky antics, and the character drama was the actual thing that held weight, how character relationships would change etc. HB has always been a dual character drama and whacky action/comedy that mixes in silly moments with serious. This can make the tone difficult and arguably it’s always had a tone problem, like with the bullying of Moxxie being both a joke and his insecurity being something that’s supposed to be taken seriously. But I would say it mostly worked in S1.
The character drama was usually mostly resolved by the episodes end like at the end of Harvest Moon, Moxxies relationship with Millie’s parents improved. Or the character drama was shown but was deliberately left unresolved or was only half addressed in an “acceptable” way because it was such a big thing that was being shown. Blitz’s feelings towards Stolas in the drug trip for example - that’s something that would take more than 1 episode to resolve. Same I would say with Loonas feelings towards Blitz being overbearing in S1, they were shown and semi addressed but still left open to future development.
The less extreme stakes if IMP lost combined with the character drama in S1 made the stakes actually feel higher. I think it’s because losing a job to the cherubs or a bet feels more believable while you know they wouldn’t just kill off a main character. Also, the spring broken bet was related to Blitz’s past with Verosika. It was related to the character drama.
But when the characters are fighting for their very lives… you know they’re not gonna die. The violence in the DHORKS S1 ep felt fun because it was basically just a cool montage designed to look flashy and show our faves being cool and violent. And the whole plot of the episode was that they got caught by demon hunters. You still knew that they probably wouldn’t die and nothing too serious would happen but it didn’t feel like the violence was actively in the way of the drama as much. It wasn’t supposed to be that serious in the first place so you watched it more as just something fun instead of being supposed to actually take it seriously as a threat.
I think Full Moon encapsulates a lot of the serious problems with HB S2 relating to all the above. We knew that there was going to be a huge drama at the end of the episode. So all the violence and antics that exist for comedy or the sake of fun violence become just a roadblock cluttering the eventual actual point of the episode. They become an annoyance. It’s a lot harder to enjoy comedy and action when it’s actively working against and is in the way of the shows other half instead of complimenting it. In S1 before going back to antics they managed to mostly clear up the drama or we understood it was on the back burner because it was so big/would be addressed slowly over time and therefore the comedy and action felt less like it was in the way. Or the action was the character drama more - like the Striker/Blitz talk in Harvest Moon about class and the assassination. I just think the interspersing of comedy/action and drama is so bad lately. The S1 Cherubs episode knew that it was going to focus heavily on antics and so it didn’t bother with character drama. And it was so much better off for it! While Full Moon drags us through DHORKS, Cherubs, so much clutter all at once and all of it impedes and gets in the way of the St*litz shit instead of complimenting it. Why not do an episode that just focuses on those 2 and save DHORKs and the cherubs for a full relaxed comedy episode? Why can’t we have only or mostly comedy episodes anymore?
The drama also felt more precious and meaningful when it was rare. You really got on the edge of your seat because it was a scarce thing you didn’t see often and reminded you these whacky assassins were still complex characters behind the comedy. Now, a lot of the time it feels like it repeats over and over. Moxxie’s constant repeated supposed arc of feeling underestimated is especially guilty of this.
Compare Full Moon to the Ozzie’s ep as well. I feel like that episode built up the eventual drama that was going to happen and given the serious heavy drama they were addressing, they made it the entire episode’s focus and as the first half of a season finale that was fitting. It felt more like the episodes knew what they wanted to be - it’s just too bad we never got a sequel episode that actually wrapped up Ozzies. Instead we went back to the St*litz status quo, and we were supposed to ignore all that drama and go back to focusing on antics. Not addressing that conflict was so god awful and is another example of how the drama clashes so badly with the other stuff in the show since S2.
HB right now, in order to be all about St*litz, is caught in this stupid thing of desperately trying to still be a whacky violent comedy at all yet the drama is more and more serious and the show becomes more and more about only the drama. So this means whenever the antics come on they’re getting in the way of the drama instead. And it means the other drama that was set up like Loonas issues have been flushed down the toilet -_- I’m so tired.
I’ve gone on so long omg anon sorry for an insanely long response I won’t say too much about your other point but you’re absolutely right. I’ve seen people saying that a better show would have made St*las an antagonist instead and honestly… I have to agree. That scene really shows you what could have been if he was allowed to be the antagonist he acts like imo.
#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critique#hb critical#vivziepop critical#stolitz critical#anti stolitz#Stolitz hate#stolas critical#anti stolas#stolas hate#critical stuff
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Can you do a Jason Grace x fem daughter of Aphrodite reader dating hcs?
‘cause I love, to love, to love, to love you <3
warnings: kind of stereotypical??
pairing: jason grace x daughter of aphrodite
summary: just headcannons
A/N: I’m going to attempt to finish a few requests today because I still have like 10 or so left that I keep procrastinating 😭
alright here we go
to start off: we’ve got a pretty boy x pretty girl trope
literally the most gorgeous relationship ever
anyways
he’s basically head over heels for you, literally whipped
because look at you!
a truly stunning woman you are
this might be stereotypical but aphrodite kids always wear lipgloss
I’m not even in cabin ten but I love lipgloss
this isn’t about me- apologies
so after you put on lipgloss you force ask jason to kiss you
and you don’t even tell him you have it on, so he doesn’t realize that now he has lipgloss on his lips
he walks around like that too??
but blushes like crazy when someone points it out
and you use your charm speak to convince him that this was totally not planned
he figured out your trick after a while though
next subject: fashion
aphrodite kids have good fashion, I think this is a well known fact
so every time you get new clothes you put on a whole fashion show (doesn’t everyone?)
and jason just sits and watches
I don’t even think it matters what your wearing because he will say anything looks good
sometimes you force him to go shopping with you
and you ask him “is this cute?” and it’s the same answer everytime
“yeah, that’ll look good on you”
like it could literally be the most hideous piece of clothing EVER, but he’s so sweet and thinks that you could pull off anything
he’s also obsessed with your perfume
this is so random
but anyways every time he hugs you he takes in your scent, it’s the most comforting thing to him
and sometimes when your away he’ll just smell the bottle because it reminds him of you
this might be creepy? I think it’s cute thought idk
to conclude this- I would say this is such a cute dynamic, literally love it 💘
#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo series#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo#percy series#pjo hoo toa#heroes of olympus#jason grace imagines#jason grace x y/n#jason grace x you#jason grace x reader#jason grace#xoxochb
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@butterflydm and i have realized, if the seals are already broken in the show and were repurposed as sealing the forsaken rather than the dark one, could that mean the late-series rand-egwene conflicts will be caused by something else? such as the seanchan?
(we can't discount the possibility that a second set of TDO Prison Seals might be introduced later, but i find it somewhat more likely that the show opted to change the function of the one set of seals than that they're keeping the original seals as-is but also invented a whole second set of seals for the forsaken. and even if no prison seals, i'm sure it wouldn't be hard to still maintain rand's whole "breaking the prison in order to reforge it stronger" thing, that could be incorporated in some different aspect of the prison.)
anyway, to me it always kinda felt like RJ only had in his notes that rand and egwene have a conflict ahead of TLB and moiraine arrives to mediate, but didn't specify what the conflict was, so sanderson made up the whole thing with the seals. no clue if that's true, it was just the impression i got because the seals being the source of the conflict just is not very good. it's not that interesting of a moral/philosophical quandary to wrestle over for that much pagetime, and while sanderson tries to make it a Both Sides Have Points situation, it's so abundantly obvious that rand is fully correct and egwene is fully incorrect, which makes egwene look like she's stupid and/or being belligerent for no reason. and when moiraine shows up, the resolution is basically just "rand is right about Everything Ever and egwene should listen to him" rather than moiraine actually having to mediate and make both of them adjust their perspectives.
but the question of "how much should we appease the seanchan for the sake of the last battle"? now, that is a much thornier and murkier moral quandary with much more room for Both Sides to Have Points. rand has points that the shadow is the greatest threat of all and they need to ally even with enemies they hate in order to fight it, but egwene has points that enabling and rolling over for the seanchan too much now will have disastrous consequences in the fourth age. and this fits in perfectly with the Theme of rand being focused on winning the last battle and egwene being focused on shaping the world after the last battle! and of course on top of that there's also all the moral questions surrounding damane and whether the westlands should turn a blind eye to slavery for the sake of winning the last battle, etc.
not to mention that this is a much more important, personal, and emotionally-resonant conflict, both for the characters and for the audience. who gives a shit about the seals? who has any emotions about the seals? the seanchan, however, have had major impacts on our characters throughout the series, and so the characters and audience are going to have very strong feelings and opinions about how they should be dealt with. rand is so crushed by prophecy and duty that he feels he needs to do whatever it takes to win the last battle no matter the consequences, while egwene is so traumatized by the seanchan that she's going to oppose allying with them with everything she's got no matter the consequences. in TGS, we see rand trying to broker peace with the seanchan while at almost the same time egwene is fending off an attack from them. this is narratively delicious! and i'd love it if the show actually did something with the good guys having differing opinions on allying with the seanchan, because it felt like such an elephant in the room in the books and something that should have caused major strife among team light but didn't really (that i can recall).
so yeah, no clue if any of this will actually happen in the show, just doing some musing on what could potentially replace the seals as the source of the late series rand-egwene conflicts (IF the seals even are fully out of the picture, which, who knows)
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https://www.tumblr.com/tired-fandom-ndn/752290057709355008/your-post-on-the-extended-abernant-family-and-will
ok but the silver hatchling not letting go of adaine once its time for actual bedtime and their parents are trying to go “you’ll see auntie adaine in the morning dear”
but then adaine goes “me and oisin can take them for the night, right oisin?”
and that’s how oisin ends up with a hatchling in his nest in between him and adaine
and by the morning hatchling is as clingy to oisin as they were with adaine just a few hours ago and they spend breakfast and basically the entire day attached to one of their hips
i can also see the hatchling being balanced on oisin’s head so they can be a “big dragon” like oisin is and adaine is worrying he’ll drop the baby and oisin is trying to sooth her while also still balancing the small babe in his head by saying “i have feather fall prepared don’t worry.”
and adaine goes “when we have a hatchling of our own you most certainly aren’t going to be doing this.”
and that’s how he gets cornered by the older family members the elves and the ones of dragon lineage, because adaine mentioned having kids with him
and that’s a separate conversation to the general “hurt her we kill and resurrect and kill you again speech he got a few nights ago”
[link]
Oh my god, yes, I love this, thank you for indulging me in this.
So the thing I need to say first is that my approach to oisaine/inkblade is that Oisin has been obsessed with Adaine since day one and has had baby fever since like. The second week of freshman year. He'd be sitting behind her in class, admiring how the light made her hair look like gold, while he brainstormed baby/hatchling names in his notebook. So the moment he sees her actually holding a dragonborn hatchling (even if the scale color isn't right), he is THERE. One moment he's chatting with her cousin about some territorial dispute between clans, then Adaine blinks and he is at her shoulder, staring down at her and her baby cousin and he Does Not Leave.
And Adaine's a smart girl, if she didn't know about his whole. . . thing already (he has NEVER mentioned the list of baby names he still has hidden in his hoard), then his reaction at the reunion is a dead giveaway. And yeah, maybe she takes advantage of a clingy cousin to mess around with her boyfriend a bit, but it's all in good fun and the hatchling's parents are thrilled to have the night off.
It takes a while for the hatchling to warm up to Oisin (scary and strange dragonborn! danger!! but smells like family?? confusing???) and they keep leaning out of Adaine's arms to sniff Oisin or poke at his fins before very quickly retreating back to the safety of their cousin. At one point they bite Oisin, probably his hand when he tries to touch Adaine, but their teeth are still so small that it's just really adorable seeing them try to break through a nearly grown dragonborn's scales. And yes, by morning, the hatchling is just as clingy with Oisin; there's a point where the poor kid is looking desperately between Oisin and Adaine trying to decide who they want to be held by and they compromise by being in Oisin's arms and holding Adaine's hand.
The hatchling climbing all over Oisin aaaaaaa!! The thing about dragonborn hatchlings is that they're pretty sturdy compared to the (physically) softer races like elves, so Oisin isn't really worried about the hatchling falling but still keeps feather fall stocked just in case (and also because he doesn't want to be murdered by parents who see their child hit the ground, even if said child is totally fine).
For Adaine, this whole experience is to see how well Oisin handles that kind of responsibility (and if he can let go of his possessiveness enough to not see a child as a threat to her). He followed the parents' bedtime routine, didn't mind the hatchling being in their bed, did great at helping the kid eat dinner and breakfast (it was gross seeing him feed strips of raw meat and egg to her cousin, but Adaine has seen Fabian people eat far worse), and answers the endless questions even if he struggles with the language barrier mixed with babytalk. The whole "acting like a jungle gym" thing is. . . worrying, but she can probably break him of that habit. Maybe.
That one little offhand comment though. . . It's her own fault. She shouldn't have said that in the dining room, where family members were still finishing up breakfast. The next thing she knows, the hatchling is safely back with their parents and Adaine and Oisin are neatly corralled into separate rooms to receive multiple talks at once.
Adaine gets the "you're too young to have kids" and "are you sure he's the one" and "you know, I've been widowed 7 times, I can give you some tips" and "I've carried a few dragonborn pregnancies and this is what you NEED to know" talks. Oisin, in the other room down the hall where he is surrounded by many very intimidating and powerful magic users, gets the "hurt her and we'll do far worse than kill you" and "you know you'll be marrying into our family and not the other way around, right" and "how dare you think you're good enough for her" and "here are my tips on helping her conceive an egg in EXCRUCIATING detail" and "you need to propose first, the wedding should be here" talks.
This all culminates in Grandma Abernant, the family matriarch, calling them both into her greenhouse/gallery/tearoom, where she has them sit with her under the suspended skeleton of her late silver dragon wife and in front of the giant mural of her and her wife, all to give them a very long and rambly lecture about marriage and love and parenting and extending lifespans with magic (Wait, what? Adaine asks. Her grandma does not elaborate.), with several long tangents about her different marriages and how she'll fade away one day and leave the family to Adaine's care (WAIT, WHAT? Adaine demands. Her grandma still does not elaborate.) and exactly what it's like to carry and birth a dragonborn hatchling (Please stop talking, Adaine begs. Her grandma does not stop talking.) and Adaine and Oisin have to redirect her back to the main topic several times. She's like 8,000 years old, give her a break.
That whole conversation ends with Grandma Abernant giving them her blessing and demanding to see a wedding and grandchildren within the next century. Adaine, who is used to old elves not understanding the passage of time, agrees. Oisin is still stuck on the extending lifespans part. Can they get back to that?
Adaine and Oisin are in college here, at the absolute oldest, but now they're apparently engaged and planning their family?? How did they end up here.
(Oisin is thrilled. He's finally gonna get to use his baby name list!)
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An analysis of alcemy for the Magnus Protocol!
I have just finished the episode I have found a list of alchemical symbols let's fucking gooo baby. Just to clarify it is my belief these are the new entities. I know it would probably be better if they were less rigidly defined but I love sorting things and am hyped!!! This is going to be long so strap in (not all of those though they're just to illustrate)! I am so sorry if you use dark mode (like me!) these images are almost all transparent.
1: Mercury!
Referring to both the metal and the planet, go wild. Mercury is all about transcending boundaries as it's kind of both a solid and a liquid (it's not but whatever), specifically the boundary of life and death, possibly even transcend death. That seems relevant. Also related to snakes so if snakes show up... probably mercury. Also if we ever get some sort of white queen in a chess way? Mercury. It also represents the mind, or spirit maybe? It's got a lot going on. Colin said it'd make the world end. Fuck yeah probably why not.
2: Salt
This is one that is not included on one list I have but is on the other. I'm not guaranteeing all of these are significant I'm finding it hard to find a definite list. If you look into just all the alchemical symbols they've got loads and I doubt they're all significant. Anyway. Salt is the physical body in this trifecta (we'll come onto that). Very to do with physicality, the body, honestly might manifest in a few ways similar to the Flesh. Also to do with purification? In general but also 'purifying' the body which I think medieval people meant in a good way but sounds evil to me. There is also of course, seperate to the whole alchemy thing, salt circles and all that. You've seen supernatural you know what I'm talking about. Although that's also to do with purification.
3: Sulphur
Or sulfur, if you are American. This one's actually got a few different symbols but let's go with this one for now. Honestly, and I know we shouldn't be comparing these to the TMA entities, but this one's pretty desolation. It's all dry heat and masculine destructive energy. Yeah this one's 'masculine' and mercury's 'feminine' for some reason, I doubt that will come up. Which I guess makes salt non-binary. This is the red king, too. This is the soul in the 'tria prima', Mercury, salt and sulphur, which were the three first elements apparently, and also cause disease? Idk. That might be relevant. Hell's meant to smell of sulphur, that tells you most of what you need to know. Again, we've all seen Supernatural. Colin said something about this making you go mad. I think yeah sure but less spiral-type mad more slaughter-type mad.
4: Air
Right, onto the four basic elements. These all have a humour related to them too and air has blood for some reason. Air is life and light and God and passion and all that good shit. I have to imagine it's gonna have some vast shit going on too because I don't think Jonny can help himself, but it's also to do with being changable and generally quite nice. Oh also ideas and creativity. All that good shit!
5: Earth
Basically the opposite of air. The 'masculine counterpart' as all these websites keep saying. It's associated with salt, which makes sense, and is all about stillness and being grounded and again, I feel like there's going to be some buried attributes in there. It's got the humour black bile which is all about sadness and shit. Most of the four basic elements are fairly self-explanatory.
6: Fire
You know what fire does. Passion, emotion, love and hate and all that. Although honestly in an alchemical way fire seems to be more emotional. So far (and I am writing these as I look into them) if you want something based around physical destruction you're gonna wanna look at sulphur. Its humour is yellow bile.
7: Water
Water, humour is phlegm, connected to mercury, honestly alchemically I can't find anyone having much to say about it but y'know. It's water. BUT I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT WATER. Okay so this has gotta be the deep, right? The whole mix of the buried and the vast thing with the sea? That killed the girl Alice saw? Or at least was involved with the death. It's all very water.
8: Lead
Right, onto planetary metals! Which Mercury kind of also was but hey ho. So, Lead is associated with Saturn. So, alchemists believed that lead was the base metal, that all other metals were just lead that had turned into something else. Which means it's really important but also kinda sucks, and is why people kept trying to make it into gold. So lead is also to do with change but also kind of purity as they thought it 'purified' into gold. Also associated with the Roman god Saturn/Greek god Chronos, who are both to do with time so that might be involved.
9: Tin
To do with the planet Jupiter. It seems to be connected to wisdom and maturity and education and all that. BUT ALSO. It is connected to Lady Mowbray, hell yeah. Because I watched a video about the arg and noted that on the back of Lady M's assistant's clipboard or whatever is this symbol which I recognised at the time as Jupiter! Now. What does tin have to do with dogs and eating people. As far as I can tell fuck all. I thought I'd misremembered for a moment and it was actually the Saturn symbol because that would work with cannibalism at least but no Lady Mowbray seems to serve... tin. Which is kind of funny. I get the connection to nobility at least, Jupiter is king of the gods after all, but as far as I know he doesn't hunt people with dogs? Idk.
10: Iron
Related to Mars and, as I'm sure you can tell, men. Because these fuckers loved gender. Similar to fire it's all about anger and passion, but also seeing as Mars is the god of war I don't think it's beyond belief we've got something similar to the slaughter on our hands here.
11: Gold
Connected to the sun and therefore does not have a classical god I can interpret. Damn. Maybe Apollo? Gold is about having gay lovers. No. So gold's big thing is that it doesn't corrode. Something about staying as you are, the opposite of Air's changability, sort of similar to earth... I could make something out of this.
12: Copper
Well hello ladies. Copper actually has a cooler symbol but I suspect we're sticking with these. Connected to Venus, obviously, which is all about attractiveness and desirability because copper is a very pretty metal. Personally, I would say episode 2 is to do with copper. I don't know if ink5oul themself is (I think they might sort of span entities) but what's her name from the episode and her obsession with looking good seems very copper to me. I know I'm not sorting all these episodes (yet! I have to relisten first) but this one jumped out at me. Copper is also to do with love, of course. I feel like one reason maybe the desire theory got so big is a lot of alchemical elements are to do with love and desire, so that just sort of bled through?
13: Silver
That's right, it's the moon! Very to do with mystery and weird shit. I think if you get the non-literal elements of The Dark you've got Silver. Also keeps away evil, again, Supernatural. Although it also has to do with tides so I think there is a very small chance that actually this is the Deep? I doubt it though.
14: Antimony
So I wasn't going to do the mundane elements because they're less likely to be important (you'll see) but some of them are really interesting! I might not do them all. Anyway, antimony is about the wild and animalistic side of human nature, and is to do with wolves. That remind you of anyone? A certain... aristocratic milf? I know she's connected to tin but it should be antimony okay??
15: Arsenic
Arsenic is cool, we all know it. It's my mum's favourite element on the periodic table. Anyway. Swans? It's to do with swans. Apparently it transforms its appearance like a cygnet to a swan. It also fucking kills people which I'm not convinced the alchmists were aware of.
16: Bismuth
Nobody knows what they were doing with bismuth. RIP. Also, I don't know my astronomy but that is taurus. Does that mean anything? I looked into the metal; it's quite pretty and people get it mixed up with tin.
17: Magnesium
Oh boy. It's hard to extinguish once it's lit, so it represents eternity! That's gotta be something babyy! Some combination of the end and the vast and all that.
18: Phosphorus
They thought phosphorus trapped light. I know it's easy to say this from a modern perspective but alchemists were fucking dumb. I feel like I could disprove this. But they were the first scientists so we have to be nice to them I guess...
19: Platinum
Supposedly a combination of gold and silver, hence the symbol. Possibly something about being bound to something... idk.
20: Potassium
Or potash. Didn't seem to have much historical context. But I believe it has very important modern context.
21: Zinc
They burned zinc to get what they called 'white snow'. You fucking idiots snow is already white.
That's it! Honourable mention to horse dung, which is a more obscure element but gets its own symbol and everything.
also soap and urine and all sorts of shit so I think we should stop there. What have we learnt? Possibly nothing! One of these has got to be to do with plants - I assume earth? That would make sense. One's something to do with luck from the sounds of things and I have no idea what that is, hopefully someone knows more about alchemy than I do for that. There's definitely some sort of watcher and I think either that's the eye crossed into this dimension or possibly mercury? I don't think the names are going to be these because honestly imagine Lady Mowbray being like hey I serve Tin. She's probably going to say Jupiter but we all have to know in our heart of hearts. It's just fucking tin. I am very tired I am going to bed.
#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp theory#the magnus archives#tma#posts what I done#I think I lost my mind when I was writing this#I suspect I'm going to try and sort all the statements into these at some point but I need to relisten first
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If you were to psychoanalyze the characters from tmagp, what would you say about them as well as how that affects them and their outlook on life?
now THAT is a loaded question
Sam -> oh that boy is not well. getting rejected from the institute fucked him up a lot, and all the expectations his parents ( and himself) had for him didn't help. all of that resulted in him being a massive overachiever & people-pleaser, n also his obsession with the institute. Sam feels that need to prove himself, prove that he's good enough, and if for some reason he isn't, he needs to know why. he's trying to cross-reference cases, looking for the answers— and yet, he's being deprived of them. again. I've noticed that he's slightly manipulative, not like, playing people to do what he wants, but just small little actions and stuff he says that seem harmless at first but do have second intentions in mind. I'd say it's related to the whole Gifted Kid Burnout™ thing, usually ex-gifted kids are great at lying and schooling their expressions to not show what they truly feel and think.
Alice-> oh she is not fine. not fine at all. We don't know how her experience at the institute impacted her (or if he remembers it at all. I think she does, just trying to ignore it) so I'll leave that aside for now. Her parents' deaths resulted in her having to fill that role for Luke, and she probably did not have time to grieve properly for them (yes, Sam helped her, but there's only so much a friend can do. and in a way, grieving never really stops). Her 'jokester doesn't care about the horrors' demeanor is meant to hide the simple fact that she is scared she probably has been for a while, but never had the chance to show it, and know she doesn't know exactly how to. if she can't make it funny then she'll ignore it, it's better that way.
Gwen-> yeah she's not good either. honestly no one in this fucking office is alright. The first thing we know about Gwen is that she comes from a rich family, and that obviously impacts heavily how she views the world, the scene that portrays this the best is when she welcomes Lady Mowbray into the OIAR because " she's an actual lady'' ( like the most dangerous thing isn't an old British lady) Gwen is very much an elitist. she needs to be at the top at all costs, she needs to be "In it". While her experience with Bonzo definitely shook her up quite a bit, she does not seem to want to go back though. We don't know much about her personal life (outside her family being rich obv) so I won't comment on that.
Lena -> I think she might be the most unwell on this list. she doesn't interact much with the others, but she does care a lot, we have basically 0 information on her background (outside of headcanons, and while I have many I'll only talk canon stuff here) so I won't comment much on it, but Lena seems like someone who was taught to always obey and not to ask many questions. she wants to complete the tasks management send her, not only because she needs to obey, but also because they're supposedly helping the world with that work. Lena cares, she just doesn't show it, I'd say either because she was taught not to, or because she learned it the hard way that caring may be your downfall.
Celia -> this one's a bit complicated. everyone and their mother have talked about how celia is the same one from tma etc etc. and yeah, I believe in it BUT since it wasn't properly confirmed yet, I'll talk about tmagp-only Celia first and then tma-travelled-to-tmagp Celia bc that's a whole other angst ( well not that they don't have stuff in common, but they're for different reasons)
So we know very little about Celia actually. she has a son, she likes little doughnuts, she wakes up in the middle of the night at a train station sometimes. She seems very reserved to talk much about her own life, even to old friendships such as Georgie. Celia is a very secretive person, she does believe the cases are true and does not hide that fact, even bringing it up at her date with Sam. Jack adds an interesting layer to her character, we haven't seem much of him yet, but I think that eventually her Mother Instincts and protectiveness will come into play. So overall, Celia is a pretty reserved person that does believe in the horrors, but doesn't want her loved ones to be involved in the horrors ( unless they show an interest in it? lots of people have theorized that maybe she is not in love with Sam or something, while i do not share that theory it is something to consider still. ) She definitively had a past experience with the horrors though.
now our beloved tma-celia-went-to-protocolverse-celia. Like i mentioned before, she has basically the same personality as— well, herself. but now I can pick out these traits and explain the reason behind them ( or speculate because this is a theory, even if like, everyone has agreed on it. we could just have been fools the whole goddamn time. do not forget that) first of, her being extremely secretive is kind of obvious, trying not to attract unwanted attention and not have many people involved in it, as not to harm them. Celia has first-hand experience with the horrors, she lost herself in it, she doesn't want that to happen to anyone else. I choose to assume Jack was born before she took tmagp's Celia's place, and she did not have the courage to just get rid of an innocent baby (tmagp celia was too but hey, telling lies to justify our actions is easier when looking through a mirror). She cares, she even became georgie's friend again, she cares a lot and she knows she'll have to work hard to keep the people she loves safe.
We don't know that much about collin and teddy yet, although if anyone want to psychoanalize them go for it!
thanks for sending this question anon! and i apologize for taking a while to asnwer it, and if any of the asnwer seems weird or not like what a human person would say, it is because they were written all in different times and places and stages of sleep deprivation.
#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol#tmagp speculation#celia ripley#samama khalid#sam khalid#gwen bouchard#gwendolyn bouchard#alice dyer#lena kelley#answered ask
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Okay done with chapter 10 starting with chapter 11 of The Lightning Thief, and normally I planned on not making a post on every single chapter BUT, I do have some changes/additions in my traitor theories.
So first off, Annabeth is the traitor. SO far has the most prove in the book imo (which is till meager), but I REALLY don't like how she told Percy that they HAVE to not get along because of their parents. Personally I just think that's more proof for my "Annabeth is the traitor" theory.
She was pretty nice to Percy pre-claiming, and on the bus she did fully intend sacrificing herself for him. But she also seems to have this very deep anchored world view of how their parents should affect them and their actions.
So, I modify my theory : Annabeths a traitor, but will get a redemption arc. The reason for the betrayal stays the same, her mom and her rivalry with Poseidon. And Annabeth would think that she NEEDS to betray Percy bc she's the kid of her mom.
So instead of being a malicious traitor, she'd be more like a tragic, indoctrinated villain who needs to be shown to do better ! It most definitely would be interesting.
HOWEVER, this is based of the reaction of another friend when I talked to them about my theories and they reacted very...... weird. After some time I threw in Grover being the traitor more as a joke and while not SAYING anything, that silence was SHOUTING.
So, Grover being the traitor. Canon proof ? Not rly there. Would it be one hell of a plot twist ? YES. Could be bitterness maybe ? My impression was that Satyrs were sort of servants or atleast bellow halfbloods in some way. I could deffo see him getting worked up over that.
Then however he did have a close relationship with Percy and a GOOD reason to stay loyal to get his license. So may I present : Multi-book build up of Grover betraying Percy.
With that I mean, should Grover be the traitor I think he wouldn't betray Percy in this book. Chiron said smth about prophecies having double meanings, so I assume they can be kinda wacky. Imagine Grover slowly building resent against the demi gods for how they use his ppl as tools/servants, and betrays Percy/the halfbloods as a whole in a later book. It could be a cool moment where the thing mentioned in the first book comes back around !
I do however admit myself, that theory is a WILD. Like, WILD WILD. And my only thing to go off on is the silence of my friend and the emoji's they send as a response. Take that theory with the BIGGEST grain of salt.
The third option I think possible : The traitor isn't gonna be Annabeth OR Grover, but will be a character later introduced. Comes from me starting to think that Annabeth could be a bit obvious with the whole sudden switch in how she acts with Percy making it a bit obvious. And the Grover theory being borderline crack.
That option would be my fav, since tbh I don't RLY want Annabth to go villain (even if the redemtion arc would be juicy as hell) but I also don't want Grover to start resenting his friends.
Logically speaking I do think it's Annabeth more likely than Grover tho. (Considering I now have theories for both being the traitor we're basically back to square one. Kill me, please.)
ON ANOTHER NOTE; apparently it's quite common for the author to describe scars as ugly looking and evil. (Thanks to the wonderful user who gave me that info !) Which, first off, YIKES. Not good, like at all.
That fact does however help me with my theory, since it allows me to safely eliminate one character for sure now. Luke !
I mean, I already didn't think it was him. The only thing that made me peek up was when he was described as evil-looking in that one paragraph. But if that (sadly) apparently is a norm, then it more likely than not wasn't foreshadowing.
So yeah, it's not gonna be Luke so I can just start to safely ignore him in my traitor theories. (Not like I ever considered him a real candidate in the first place, he's just safely eliminated in my head now)
#pkz mark spoilers in replies/reblogs if you have them ! Thanks ^^#That last part abt Luke rly was just there for the sake of being complete#because#like#how could it EVER be Luke !?#Like even Chiron has more of a chance to be the traitor than him at this point lol#It's between Annabeth and some thrid character that will get introduced later on for me rn with a STRONG tendency to Annabeth#percy pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#annabeth chase#pjo series#pjo fandom#pjo#luke castellan#grover underwood#grover pjo#pjo theory
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I need yall to know how unbelievably healing it is to see such a wonderful sapphic relationship so blatantly shown like I cried the first time I watched this show
#i could talk FOREVER about them#chaggie#charlie morningstar#vaggie#like look at them guys!!!!#theyre so sweet#idk man seeing them just be so blatantly in love absolutely killed me i adore them#as a lesbian idk it was so wonderful to see them just be together and in love#they have a little hiccup in episode 7 and its basically fixed when charlie realizes how hard sharing that part of herself mightve been for#vaggie yknow just#idk dude im losing my mind i adore them#hazbin hotel#please talk to me about them oh my god#like look at how vaggie looks at her i-#look at how they look at each other!!!!!#im losing it!!!!#also nobody asked BUT#femme vaggie and butch charlie#i cant im losing it#vaggies whole “i want to be your armor” thing#idk if youve ever met a femme lesbian but uh#as a butch lesbian yeah that checks and also#fucking SCREAMING#the urge to protect and shield your loved ones??#seeing vaggie be not only portrayed as obviously the more femme of the two and desperate to protect charlie#warms my little butch heart idk man#i could go on forever tbh#v chronicles
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#alan wake#alan wake 2#alanwakeedit#ilkka villi#ilkkavilliedit#yeah yeah my whole gimmick is basically 'what if it was purple' and yes i'm thinking of that meme#thought i'd only do it for...that one guy but ilkka looks great in it too#maybe it's more of a just 'my style' type thing i guess#mk.op#mk.edit#mk.gifs
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Just saw a picture of divine dragon chung myung before he got that title and it really hit me how small Cho Sam's body was when chung myung came back. This little thought has spoilers for chapter 400+ (I think anyway) and vague spoilers for everything past ch 400 until like. Ch 800
GOD OK so we as the reader understand chung myungs situation very very intimately. WE understand that he is an 80+ year old man mentally. WE understand that he is not in fact 15, then 17, then 19, 20, etc. Everyone around him, however, truly believe that he is those ages.
It's brushed upon multiple times throughout the novel, especially whenever chung myung is down for the count/recovering after a fight. The facade he makes around himself, the strong reliable leader, fades away and the "truth" of who he is reinstates itself to those close to him in this second life. His back, every time he wavers, is described as small. This is always through the perspective of anyone but himself. This is even more apparent whenever he is unconscious after a serious fight. I don't know exactly chapters, but i KNOW that baek cheon (and the rest of the 5 swords plus soso and hye yeon), at least once, has had the reality of Chung myungs apparent age dawn upon them. That they're youngest sajae (sahyung in soso's case) is constantly spilling his own blood to protect them. (This fact is straight up said by yu iseol after the particularly bad fight with Jang ilso, spitting her frustration with only getting in chung myungs way instead of protecting him).
This phenomenon is hardly limited to the main group of disciples. After the first myriad men siege on Mount hua (while The Gang is in Xian), everyone subconsciously gains courage with the thought that soon enough chung myung will come, that he'll protect them. The disciples (soso being the most prevalent since she's one of the main disciples focused on in the novel) of course correct this thought, realizing that they cannot rely on chung myung forever. Anyways moving on from just describing this arc. What I mainly want to focus on is Hyun jong and chung myungs interaction AFTER the siege is finished, after un gum is fresh off of his amputation, after chung myung has barely gotten treatment for his own (quite serious) injuries.
What do you think when through Hyun jong's mind, seeing his youngest disciple, the one who brought back the hope that had almost died out with his sect, ruthlessly kill the enemy, return heavily wounded, and then try to sneak out almost immediately to go back to smite those who have harmed his home? To us, Chung myung is more than capable. He's the plum blossom sword Saint, the one who (even with all the regret he holds over this) severed the head of the heavenly demon. He's an 80+ year old man trying to protect the only thing besides bloodshed that is familiar in this second life. We understand the guilt he has over not being able to protect his home the first time. We understand that he would rather die than allow Mount Hua to fall again.
Hyun jong does not know this. He does not understand chung myungs rage (and guilt and grief and longing and-). He looks at chung myung and sees an 18 or 19 (I don't remember) year old boy, covered in wounds, trying to sneak out of his home on a suicide mission of revenge. He sees a boy. He knows that if he let's this boy go, he will never see him alive again. So he uses chung myungs borderline (who are we kidding, it is way past borderline) unhealthy loyalty with mount hua to dissuade him from walking to his death.
ANYWAYS long story not so short, I need need need more analysis over what everyone but chung myung thinks about him. Everyone sees this young teen, then young adult, bend over backwards to the point where he has almost died so so so many times just so mount hua can flourish. They've seen him kill ruthlessly, they've seen him sob over the skeleton of an ancestor (one of his brothers, a reminder of what he has lost, what he will never get back), they've seen him silly and carefree, they've seen him almost mad with bloodlust.
To us, he is chung myung, the old plum blossom sword Saint, slayer of the heavenly demon. To them, he is chung myung, the scrawny 15 year old that changed their lives, that faces unknown traumas, that has had a life so, so unkind to him.
Sometimes I look at chung myung pre time skip, how small he is, how he looks like a child, how he acts nothing like one, and remember that only we, the readers, get the full context behind his actions.
#ANYWAYS#this turned out to be uh. not so small.#but no i saw 15 yr old chung myung and went#wow he really does look like a baby#and then my thoughts went WILD#i know this is kind of just like. a summery of a few different parts of the novel#and i kjnd repeat myself a lot#but i read a fic a whole ago that kind of touches on this whole conceot#i Do Not remeber what its called#but its basically the mount hua elders discussing things#and then chung myung is brought up#and all of them are like#wow this kid has obviously been through some shit. life has NOT been kind to him#but uh no yeah#sometimes i forget that the people of mount hua do NOT have the same context we do#and in place of the chung myung we see#they see a very very traumatized and scarily capable teen/young adult#and they dont know WHY HE ACTS LIKE THAT#but yeah hope this kinda makes sense#this novel makes me sick#return of the blossoming blade#rotmhs#return of the mount hua sect#analysis
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oh my god can ppl find a reason to ship/not ship something that’s in the middle of a ship war w/o trying to make out the other character to be the worst person in existence? honest to god it’s not that hard to say “this ship doesn’t work for me bcz of xyz” u rlly do not need to go “uhhh actually no it’s not character a that’s a horribly racist asshole who thinks SA is cool (that’s so stupid wtf, they barely did anything), its character b. did u not see how they [smallest thing possible]??? can’t believe the hypocrisy u have going on here…” like seriously PLEASE u do not have to justify urself to this level it just makes everything 10x more annoying
#kataang/z*tara ship war posting in the year 2023? more likely than u think.#also abt the whole jancy/st*ncy thing but this was spurred by me seeing a kataang v zk argument where both ppl just sounded so insufferable#literally “aang is so racist for not liking this one water tribe dish” “actually zuko dismissing aang’s anti-revenge philosophy is the same#as the great grandkid of an ss officer making fun of jewish culture”#(not even exaggerating they both said that basically verbatim)#like babes please it’s really not that serious-#i hate how this happens every time there’s a ship war that’s boy x girl v same girl x different boy#it’s always “erm actually it’s implied in one frame in s1 that boy 1 hates black ppl bcz of the red x over the black background”#“oh yeah? well boy 2 was an asshole pre-character development so he’s definitely homophobic as hell”#with minimal mention of the girl u guys r shipping them with#like look i love kataang nd while jancy might not be my fav of all time i still ship them#but holy shit u guys can be as annoying as the zk/st*ncy shippers u claim to hate#idk this is just a problem i have with fandoms a lot nd i needed to yell abt it#rant#ship wars#fandom bs#atla#kataang#pro aang#pro zuko#ryan shut the fuck up
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au where mike narrowly escapes the upsidedown while on patrol and gets an obscure curse to be a catboy for a month. this is amusing to everyone but mike.
#catmike au#dont know if people will like this au of mine or not but ill keep posting doodles of it cause its funny#dustin is very interested in the curse and is also conveniently the onely one who has owned a cat#hes tests things almost immediately in such excitement#basically its just him seeing mike in the living room and running quickly to his house because he needs to grab some things#its also set vaguely post s5 so some of the byers share the wheeler house#lets just say the wheelers went off for the apocalypse#dustin comes back with a laser pointer and catnip (to the others it honest to god looks like weed)#then of course hes inspecting him and asking questions like seeing if his human ears are gone and if he can move his tail and all that#they find very quickly that he can purr when will comes over next to him curiously#this def disturbs other upsidown meeting because imagine nancy's talking and in the middle of it its just *LOUD PURRING*#mike does chase lasers (out of his control) and he can in fact get hopped up on catnip#which makes him go zoomies or purr crazy loud and it makes him shove his whole body all over will like a strange clingy 5 yr old#also his pupils can go big and small and as expected it goes massive when hes on catnip#everyone finds this hilarious and they make a game of who can secretly get mike catnipped#will is the unwilling victim because he's the cat's (and mike's ofc) assighned so he'll just be sitting and then he'll#hear running qnd suddenly mikes holding his arm up and rubbing against it while purring very loudly#anyways i may have written that for no one in particular but yeah theres some cat au!#st mike#mike wheeler#stranger things#stranger things fanart#byler#st mike wheeler#mike wheeler stranger things#will byers#byler fanart#st will#st will byers#its supposed to say that wills the cats favourite person idk tumblr deleted it cause something something formatting
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