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lovelessrage · 2 months

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Loveless: A Loveless Review

[Plain Text: Loveless: A Loveless Review]

Trigger Warnings For: Discussion of sex, sex negativity, platonormativity, arophobic tropes, and anti-loveless rhetoric

Disclaimer/Disclosure: I couldn’t finish this book. This will factor heavily into the review, as it has to do with how some scenes, details, and the writing quality were just very hard to sit with and continue. I got about 50% through, so I didn’t just skim pages and get back to you on it.

You might guess I don’t think of this book highly if I had to put it down and stop reading. This would be correct. However, I have more in depth thoughts than that. If you like this book and don’t want to read negative things about it, that's fine, but I implore you to read it anyway. A lot of the problems in this book are present in a lot of creations I see and can be a valuable teaching lesson; loveless people aren’t out to ruin your fun because biases got questioned.

Alright. Enough disclaimers. Review under the cut.

The Bingo Card: Surprisingly, Not A Strikeout

People who have been following me for a while may remember I mentioned I went into reading this book with a bingo card in hand: Loveless and Tired Bingo, a sheet made by yours truly. I did not get Bingo with this book! I did, however, fill 17 spaces out of 25; it just didn’t happen to line up, not because the book passed with flying colors. We’ll return to the Bingo Card at the end of this post to see what it looked like. But, letting you know, that’s a rate of 68% of all squares ticked on Loveless and Tired Bingo. Not looking so hot.

Platonormativity, Envy, and The Loneliness Whirlpool

Let’s start with the meat of the post so nobody has to read it all if they just wanted my representation opinions. Other things like writing will be shuffled down for your convenience.

Edit: Past Scowl is a liar and a fraud and did not have maims glasses on, and misread the bingo card! I did get Bingo. Oops. Point still stands because the data is the same, I just gave this book a sliver more credit than it deserved for not getting one.

If this book had a full course meal, normativity would ironically be a key ingredient in every plate on the menu. Loveless has a platonormativity problem that confronts you from page 1, more realistically before that; the blurb!

[Text ID: From the marvelous author of Heartstopper comes an exceptional YA novel about discovering that it's okay if you don't have sexual or romantic feelings for anyone... since there are plenty of other ways to find love and connection. /End ID]

I promise not all my complaints will be raving about one sentence, but this kinda encapsulates the entirety of my problem with Loveless: Georgia Warr is not supported in her own novel. Loveless is a deeply insecure book that many can relate to, but, really… does it alleviate that insecurity, or just cover it up? There’s an unspoken “but” to every part of Loveless’ philosophy about aspec people [especially aroaces], where they must have platonic love to make them whole, to “fix” and “redeem” their lacking attractions. This has always bothered me, and it’s not an uncommon opinion in the community, unfortunately.

Aroaces aren’t allowed to simply “be” – they must be more. They must be so platonically invested you forget they’re aroace, because they have all this other type of love to give the world. It’s reflective of a view on a community sourced from hurt and exclusion, of someone trying to rebuild their worth on a new forefront. It doesn’t make it less of what it is, though: it’s a “yes they’re valid, but” statement that serves as the backbone for far too many aspec-focused media.

Georgia is a deeply unsure character, and there’s nothing wrong with her being this way; she’s a fictional character made to represent a journey of acceptance, not a real person with the ability to inflict harm on other real people. She does reflect the author’s biases in many ways and many points on the same token, though, acting as a mouthpiece. This often comes in Georgia’s insistence her friendships are simply stronger than other relationship types, as well as her reflexive tendencies to judge the friendless.

One of my many, many hurdles in this book had to do with Rooney [someone save her and half the cast from this novel, please], when the group realizes she’s only a socialite, not really a long-term relationship holder, and the entire room devolves into silent judgment. Georgia does not defend her newfound friend, simply noting she thought differently of her. What about Rooney not having many friends changes her outgoing personality? It doesn’t. It’s simply the fact that Rooney being friendless makes her weird, as with many things Rooney is unfairly demonized for in this novel.

The emphasis on friends doesn’t end here, and persists through the entire novel, practically. It is the main focus, when it isn’t talking about Georgia’s disinterests, and her friend circle is very important to her. All of this is fine. What isn’t fine is the expectation and casual enforcement of friendship being all you have, so you must seize it; this book, even though I wouldn’t recommend it, is often given as The Book on being aroace, but I wouldn’t agree [you’re free to tell me I can’t have an opinion on that if I’m not aroace, but at least read on before deciding anything, alright, official hear me out warning]. One, not all aroaces are alloplatonic, and two, this:

Why Is This Book Written Like A Workplace Safety Seminar

It’s a very… cookie-cutter way to be aroace, and cookie cutter aroaces exist in real life! The rep should exist, no doubt, and shouldn’t be taken away from anyone. It’s not my problem per se that the book is semi-stereotypical. What my problem is has to do with something I see a lot.

The book falls into many of the pitfalls of what I’m dubbing “the pamphlet effect”: when a novel, show, etc. continuously needs to halt the plot to remind the audience this character is different, and explains this to you in a way that resembles an educational pamphlet at a pride event. Georgia Barr feels like an example given to explain a concept more than a person, and I feel bad for her because of how little this book engages with her actual character when it shines through. I understand the book is primarily centered on her journey through the spectrum, but very little is given to make Georgia’s experience unique outside of one scene off the top of my head. Her interests, hobbies, and unique feelings only seem to play a role when it comes time to be an author mouthpiece on slutshaming for fun and sport; only one scene, the forced kiss with Jason when rehearsing the play, really blends her life experiences with her aroace experiences.

Georgia feels designed to be an everywoman, and it was very disappointing to say the least. Very little of the book actually feels like I’m with her, or learning about her unique take on being aroace as a theatre fan or young adult figuring things out; it just feels like Georgia [and the reader] are being dragged through the Cliff’s Notes version of what it is to discover being aroace, rather than a look at how a character like this might feel differently than others on a fuller, whole scale. She’s a hole that can fit most shapes into it, which makes her broadly relatable, but not as fun or engaging to read about if you don’t fit precisely in the demographic Georgia is for; even if you do, is there much to engage with beyond “I’m like that too!”?

This isn’t just a Georgia problem, either, as many, many characters in this book are walking stereotypes or very flat. But, we’ll get into that later [if you want to get into it now, skip to Writing Problems, Oh My!].

The Fingering In The Room: Loveless’ Weird Ideas About Sex

Alright, if you’re sex repulsed and braved the storm to get some insight, this next paragraph is just complete confusion about this book’s sex scenes and talking about some of the details within. If you want to skip that, skip the next paragraph.

Why is everybody fingering each other? Fingering is fine and it feels good, but it is basically the only sexual act this book knows outside of making out with tongue. Someone having sex in Loveless? They better have clipped their nails because at least two are going in. It feels like a point of research that was skipped because it was unimportant, which. Pretty much, yes. But when you’re someone who pays very close attention to sex scenes because you’re of the opinion they can have artistic value, as well as conveying the author’s views on sexuality, I come away with “is fingering what Oseman thinks young adults do?”. Anyways. Something I noticed.

[Okay sex repulsed people, you’re good. No in depth descriptions beyond this point, just the word “sex”.]

I should’ve titled this section “In Defense of Rooney Bach” because oh this poor girl. Oh you are just there to be gawked at.

First off, let’s begin in a good place: this book always has to clarify it isn’t slutshaming its characters, followed by slutshaming its characters. Rooney is, for the uninitiated, very sexually active. Georgia’s envy often leads to a judgemental, close minded view of Rooney that often pins her sex life as “too much” – something many sexually active women get villainized for. It strikes me immediately how Rooney is constantly picked on for her sexuality as a woman in ways no male characters who aren’t asexual either are treated. None of the men she flirts with or spends time with are reprimanded or “held to account” by the book; Rooney alone is breaking the rules. Rooney’s descriptions are often bookended with a disclaimer that she isn’t being called a slut, she’s just like one, which… This is slutshaming. You can’t just say you aren’t doing it to not be doing it.

Rooney is also a victim of a very arophobic trope, and one that is also misogynistic: the Broken Woman. Why is Rooney sexually active? A rough breakup that broke her heart and makes her fear intimacy on account of potentially being wrong again. Sure, sex feels good, but explicit focus is made on the fact she is only not engaging with romance because she tried and it didn’t work. For a few chapters, admittedly I was hoping for a book where an aroace and aroallo can get past some differences and expand each other's worldviews; what I got was Georgia thinking pretty poorly of Rooney through unaddressed envy and sex negativity, and Rooney being made to only like hookups because she’s messed up. Because of course a woman could only enjoy that if she had a negative experience that forced her on the path!

Also, another scene I didn’t like was Georgia and Pip watching Rooney have sex while she is completely unaware of their presence? Jason leaves as soon as he notices, but the two of them watch before Pip makes a comment on how disgusting it is and Georgia agrees. I’m shocked at how little this is brought up as being violating or creepy.

If it was a better book, I would have expected it to result in some kind of furthered conversation about boundaries; it could've been a place for Georgia to start establishing what she likes and dislikes, starting with Rooney preferably keeping her out of her sex life when she’s able. Instead, this event gets brought up solely for jokes, and for a motivation for Pip to start hating Rooney, despite her insistence it wasn't because of the hookup and she isn’t slutshaming. Always a great sign when that needs to be clarified. This is a PSA for everyone: you should not need to clarify you aren’t trying to slutshame. If you feel the need to do so, you are probably being sex negative.

This book isn’t very fond of sexually active people, nor is it kind to characters that are. I can understand why being asexual and sex repulsed is representation people would want, but I also think there’s many, many ways to write it without making it an exercise in shame.

Ironically Kinda Arophobic In Some Parts

This is a short section of a thing I noticed, hated, and had as a contributing factor for my ending early: this book loves aphobic tropes. There’s already the trope against aroallos of not needing romance because of being broken into only liking sex, but also the problem with Pip and Rooney.

I’m a lesbian, for clarification, and I’m saying from experience that I hate the archetype of the angry, jealous lesbian. It’s everywhere. It’s in this book. Pip, upon even the idea of being rejected, starts berating and demeaning the girl who turned her down, even if she was only turned down in her head. The book passes it off as a lighthearted, funny story that Pip got so mad at an ex-crush she was suspended for throwing an apple at their head. Why do I bring this up?

Is it not ringing any bells that this is arophobic? That a character so hostile to romantic rejection is treated as a joke? Many, many aros, and queer people in general, have experienced violence for turning down someone. It’s a serious issue for aros and a real fear in rejecting someone. I found it incredibly hard to read and sit through as everybody passes off Pip’s tendencies to do this to the women that reject her as a silly, funny Pip moment and not a major issue for the aspec community. I don’t care if it’s enemies to lovers, because it doesn’t really feel good to read at all. The only tension is built off the back of something I’ve experienced in real life and many others have as well.

Lovelessness: The Insecurity Unaddressed

This book, despite its title, is obviously about a loving character. Many people might not see this as a problem: first off, loveless doesn’t always mean the same thing, and second, many aroaces express feeling loveless when coming to terms with their identity. Here’s my rebuttal.

One: Georgia fits no definitions of the label. She subscribes to none of the beliefs. She loves her friends actively and sees their relationship as more than romance or sex, as something greater to her.

Second, this is because anti-loveless rhetoric is everywhere and all over this book. Not once is it suggested Georgia could live as loveless, or truly be without love. In the end, she is surrounded by it, simply learning to accept friendship instead. The way her insecurity isn’t met with “you’re complete as you are”, and instead with “you can still be complete if you simply fill the void with friends”, is anti-loveless. Nobody is allowed to be whole on their own without a subplot where their doubts are reinforced or they’re explicitly made to be broken inside.

This is shockingly common, and always sad every time I see it. Many aspects fear being loveless, as if it is a curse or blight they must cleanse. This book is one example out of many, but it doesn’t make it less hurtful when a book that runs against everything your community stands for [self-acceptance and the optionality of love] bears your name regardless. It is a book for people who are afraid of loneliness, and it answers their insecurities with “you’re right. You do need other people. You just need to find a way to still find and have a life partner!”. This is damaging to loveless people, especially those questioning an aplatonic identity.

Again, it’s not unique to Loveless. But, it’s reflective of a broader issue of aplatonics who may be seeking community constantly being presented with “you ARE broken, but friendship can fix you!”, a “solution” many can’t use, and often leads to even more self-hatred.

That’s about it from the aspec side of things. If you got this far, congrats! The rest is opinions on the writing, and the bingo card finale. You can drop off here if that’s all you came for.

Writing Problems, Oh My!

This is veering into heavy personal opinion, so, I will remind you: I don’t usually like YA, but YA can be a very good genre! I do not think this book is a good representation of what good YA looks like.

The writing quality is one of the hardest things to get past, because of a major problem I observed: Oseman is better at comics. This isn’t so much a vilification as a recommendation that it would’ve been much better suited for a different type of media. This kind of “media dysphoria” is present in many of the ways the book operates: many scenes would flow perfectly well in a visual piece. Georgia’s inner monologue has a tendency to jump suddenly into scenes and interrupt the action in a way that would be perfectly natural as a narration bubble put over a drawing of the scene around her. There are entire pages of just… text messages that would be much better suited to a visual medium where you could make these dialogue bits look much more interesting through different shots, or drawing what the background would look like on a screen [The Girl from the Sea does this well, for example].

There’s also the fact I cannot place in my mind if I'm too old for this novel. A lot of the jokes boil down to “hah! Sex!” in a way that instantly alienates me from the writing. The jokes can be pretty juvenile and repetitive, and serve to be the equivalent of a comedian saying “eh? Get it? That was a joke.” six times.

This isn’t to mention the fact many of these characters are complete cardboard. Sorry. Jason does not need to exist. When he appears in a scene, he is ignored or completely leaves it on his own. He really only serves to drive Georgia’s character forward, rather than have one of his own. I found myself forgetting he was present in a scene at all until he spoke again and reminded me of his existence. The book would practically be unchanged if Georgia temporarily dated Pip and Jason was never a factor, plus or minus the Shakespeare Soc plot.

Many interesting characters suffer from severe Pamphlet Effect syndrome. Most of the girls do. In a better novel, they would be more in depth, but Loveless doesn’t really afford them this luxury. I need to take the girls very far away from this novel, okay. I need someone to write a version of Loveless where they have personalities. There’s crumbs there. Please, someone make a loaf of bread out of it. They deserve it.

Another thing, but minor: the breakneck pacing at some points followed by slow slogs of not a lot happening contributes to the reading issues. You may thing something would be dwelled on, just for it to go flying away into the sunset as 3 more things happen and then one problem lasts for 2 chapters. I found it very hard to catch up with Loveless, while other parts I felt like I was constantly waiting for it to catch up with me instead.

The Final Frontier: The Bingo Card Returns

And without further ado, the Loveless and Tired Bingo Card for Loveless by Alice Oseman! Completed with help from other readers braver than I.

[Image ID: A bingo card made from a basic template. It has no title, and all the text is black on a white background. Some squares are marked with a blue X, while others are marked with a red scribble. The marked squares are: “Not prioritizing friendship treated as freak behaviour”, “Jab at loveless sex thrown in”, “Something about not being like THOSE people”, “Universal type of love is laid on thick”, “The answer to all your problems is finding some pals”, “Found family ending”, “Platonic-romantic binary”, “Love still treated as universal [free]”, “Friendship is more wholesome or pure”, “Amatonormativity BAD [platonormativity is my bestie]”, “Platonic love being more powerful or sumn”, “You still love your friends though, right?”, “Friendship saves the day”, “Still thinks you need dedicated people to survive”, “Being alone treated as worst thing in the world”, and “Friendships are more stable than partnerships anyways”. The unmarked, blank squares are: “Something about "players" and pickup artists where no commitment is villainized”, “Character fears being loveless and is kinda aplphobic about it”, “Aspec double standards [one is normal, one is weird]”, “You still love your FAMILY, right???”, “QPRs mentioned by no nuance given to their diversity”, “Friendship forced upon a character against their will”, “Comment about some people being inhuman gets brushed past”, and “Simply prioritise your family instead!!” /End ID]

Would I recommend this book? Uh. No! Well. Yes, but not as a good book for aspecs. I’d recommend it solely to read it yourself and form your own opinions. But, no, I would not recommend it to any aspecs I know, especially not loveless ones, aplatonic ones, aroallos, or if they're an aroace looking for support.

Ah, Loveless, how you vexx me. Never again. See you in the next, much shorter post.

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rollingaroundin-bread · 10 months

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Hi 🥺 what if they- 👉👈 what if they got mawwied???? 💕💕💕

Okay hi I’ve been working on these on and off all month (mostly off I got really busy whoops) and I have A LOT of thoughts about a Legbone wedding (ft. the drawtectives cause they really are my blorbos)

Anyways here’s a list of headcannons that I didn’t get to draw:

So right off the bat let’s talk OUTFITS

To me Legzi and Ryjinah had gone looking for dresses but Legzi wasn’t really pumped about any of them

So maybe they went on a road trip (because ladies bookclub road trips my beloved) to either go look in a different boutique or to do other wedding related shenanigans

And on the side of the road Legzi spots this rag

And of course it’s a torn up wedding dress and suddenly she has a Vision^TM

Just Legzi being more excited about fixing up this dress than anything she could have just bought up to that point

Because to me Legzi is someone who loves to feel like a part of the process and having all her random skills she picked up from Darkmouth

Then design wise I wanted something puffy so I could hide how much taller I made her

Because personally I think her using the leg stilts on her wedding day is not only very Legzi^TM but I also made myself laugh with the concept :)

And florals because those are fun, green, and easy to make by hand (as someone who’s made a lot of ribbon flowers)!! The vines were places where the dress was really torn and needed more structural stitching

Ryjinahs dress on the other hand I wanted to take some inspiration from her season 1 design (even though I haven’t seen it)

Also I love a chance to draw some boob

so anyways York’s invitation

I’ve said it before but “artists draw fan art of each other’s art” where Karina drew Ryjinah, York, Rowan, and Jacob horse all hanging out is CANON TO ME

Which is why all of those characters were invited!! :)

Anyways I imagine all the invitations had your standard stuff- names, dates, rsvp section

But where it would’ve said +1 I think Ryjinah scribbled that out and hand wrote “+2 ;)”

Which of course Grandma would be slightly flustered by meanwhile York is like “AWESOME you guys can come!!!”

I believe in drawtectives polycule supremacy and also York is aroace

Which also lead to my miniature leg wrestling joke :)

Oh but the second York and Rah’ōxah lock eyes they’re going to leg wrestle (Pokémon rules)

Then they can become friends too and we can make Julia’s drawing in “pro artists redraw their old OCs” canon!!!

Rah’ōxah is both Legzi and Ryjinahs maid of honor :)

She’s awesome of course she can do both!!!!!!

I wish I had drawn this but to me Parker the cat officiated :)

Maybe while standing on top of Parker the horse

Ryjinah was not pleased with this but also couldn’t say no to the combined force of Legzi and Rah’ōxah’s puppy dog eyes

Plus Parker the cat is the only person (cat) they know who’s ordained

Oh last thing I wanted to but didn’t draw was a Rosé & Rowan interaction

Or not even so much of an interaction but they catch each other’s gaze from across the room and freeze

Oh more headcannons but they’re siblings to me

I mean dyed hair? Knives? Mysterious pasts? Color schemes?? Attracted to himbos???

Anyways they both have moved on from their family in different directions

So to suddenly meet again even from across the room

Then York or Gramdma calls for Rosé and she looks away and they’re gone

But I digress

Tbh for everyone’s outfits I kinda just went “you know what would be cute???”

So floral dress for grandma (obviously)

Jumpsuit + long gloves for Rosé because vibes

Unbuttoned shirt and double breasted vest for York so he doesn’t have sleeves

Similar thought process for Rah’ōxah because they give off similar vibes BUT I made Rah’ōxah’s the same colors as Ryjinah and Legzi so she could match both :)

Then a demon Johnny button on her outer vest kinda like the pin/broach she has in Julia’s drawing in pro artists redraw old OCs

Rowan I just wanted to look swanky and what’s more swanky than a tailcoat?

And for everyone but Rah’ōxah I tried to keep to their normal color schemes!! :)

Are all these outfits practical for what I made a beach wedding on a whim? Absolutely not

I gave pretty much all of them some sort of heels even if they are technically wedges which is better but STILL

Beaches are fun and easy ish to draw and I never do backgrounds anyways give me a break lol

But anyways I think that’s all my thoughts!!!

So Legzi & Ryjinah ride into the sunset on their noble steed Jacob Horse :)

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aroacesafeplaceforall · 2 months

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hello, its me! the anon who asked for your opinion abt shipping Alastor with other characters :)

firstly, thank you for answering! i totally agree that, if you build on a character's canon aro/ace orientation, then shipping them would be okay. ive just heard other people say doing that was aroace erasure, and i didnt feel like i had much say, because (as previously stated) im aceflux and nebularomantic.

my sexuality fluctuates, and i cant really tell the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, which is why i didnt feel qualified to put out my opinion on such matters

i also feel like i should apologize, bc i kinda feel like my ask may have snowballed into some sort discourse? idk, just from what i saw when looking at the blog every now and then, it looked like some shit was going down, revolving around Alastor 😭

now, onto why im here: why should someone do if a person they looked up to, who outwardly supported the aroace community, turns out to be a horrible person? (im sure that some people reading this can already guess who im talking about)

i feel so icky about the situation, bc ive supported and loved this person for years. all of the songs theyve ever written have been so aro-coded (as said by aromantics), and a vast majority of their fanbase is aromantic/on the aro/ace spectrum, myself included. they even spoke about their love for the aromantic community openly, and now, with them being exposed as a horrible person, i dont really know how to feel. is there any advice you could give me and others who are in the same boat? /nf

—sincerely, 🦢🦌

No it’s all good! The discourse was started by me ducking up and some people taking it slightly to far.

Unfortunately I do know who you’re talking about. I was in that fandom back in 20-22 ish, and I couldn’t be happier that I left. Honestly. I don’t know ANYthing about the situation other then someone being revealed to be a piece of shit for some reason and I would like to keep it that way:

I don’t need to know the details about what this person did.

Small side note before I begin:

I think the problem is a lot of people have put people like that on a pedestal while not knowing anything about them.

The big difference between e- celebrities and true (actors, singers, rich assholes ect) celebrities is the accountability of the public. True celebrities have been held accountable much sooner and to much more effect then e-celebrities due to the fact that the media cares what they do. The paparazzi ect

People talking about not listening to said persons music anymore: reminder that it’s not only them who produces and plays that music. Don’t listen to their solo shit, burn CDs rip it off YouTube, piracy is on the rise.

The rest of the people involved with the band are NOT at fault here and their career and income should not have to suffer for an asshole.

“Cancel” the person not the team.

You can still relate to something without relating to the asshole

You can still relate to something without being the asshole

Be respectful

Listen to victims

And a word for my aspecs ->

The amount of straight people who are just as bad doesn’t matter here, no matter what happens next, all people will see is “he supported aroace spec people” and will try and use it.

Ignore that block them and report harassment

Stay safe anon

#asks #ask #sorry if this was a mess #dsmp #lovejoy #wilbur soot #discourse #tw abuse #tw violence

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confused-bi-queer · 2 years

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Fic author’s self rec

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♥️

Thank you @bazzybelle and @aroace-genderfluid-sheep for tagging me, this’ll be fun.

I’m only going to use the ones I’ve finished. The order goes chronologically.

I think I do 👩‍❤️‍👨 [M, 1.6 k]

“It’s not okay,” I cry, and he holds my head and presses a sweet kiss on my forehead. “I’m sorry. I wanted to give you this. I thought I could,” my whole body is shaking. He brushes my hair.

“We don’t have to do this if this is only for me. I want you to enjoy yourself too. We don’t have to do this at all. Full stop. I’m not with you because I’m hoping we’re going to do this. You’re my future. My endgame. You are all the good, pretty things in life. Aggie, I’m with you because I love you.”

I really enjoyed writing this fic. It’s Simon/Agatha during 6th year, and they’re having sex, but I found the concept of writing them when they were together fascinating because they both thought they were endgame. And maybe they weren’t really right for each other in 8th year, but I think they cared and loved each other so so much. This was sort of a study of Agatha’s character.

I’m here, my little puff 🤱🏻[T, 14.5k]

I take my wand as the venom starts taking effect and I feel myself changing and breathe.

“I love you,” I whisper to my sleeping or possibly crying son.

A tear slides down my face.

I’m sorry.

I watch one of the creatures approaching the cradle and start the spell.

“Tyger, tyger.”

This was SO painful to write, you have no idea. Natasha is the narrator and we watch her having Baz and loving him and Malcolm to the the small banter they have as a married couple to the Tragedy at Watford to what happened after she died. This fic is centered on how Natasha perceived things, but mostly how she saw Baz because she was trapped in the Catacombs, so she watched Baz breaking down every time he visited her.

I cried so much, possibly in every chapter because it was just so sad to write because of all the things they were robbed and because how the story changed after ahe died. This is hurt/hurt/comfort

Un minuto / One minute 💔 [G, 1.3 k]

Tú y tus alas y tu pelo y tus putos ojos. Y es que… ¿Qué acaso no lo ves? Maldita sea. ¡Yo lo hubiera dado todo! ¡Yo hubiera esperado! Te hubiera podido darte todo, en bandeja de oro, de puto diamante. ¿Qué acaso no lo demostré lo suficiente lo mucho que lo daría todo por ti? Cruzaría cualquier línea. ¿Qué faltó, por favor? ¿¡Qué faltó!? Te odio. A ti y a tus puños que solían estrellarse en mí. A ti y a tus expresiones que solían mirarme a mí. A ti y a aquella atención que alguna vez tuviste y que se esfumó. Te odio a ti y…

You and your wings and your hair and your stupid, fucking eyes. And it’s just… Can you really not see it? Fuck. I would have given everything! I would have waited! I could have given you everything, in a golden platter, in a fucking diamond platter. Was it that I didn’t show you enough how much I would give everything for you? I would cross any line. What was missing, please? What did I miss?! I hate you. You and your fists that used to crash on me. You and your expressions that used to watch me. You and the attention you once had for me and now it has evaporated. I hate you and…

This was odd to write. I wrote this small fic in spanish, but also wrote the translation in the same space. I’m going to say it again, but spanish is so intense, so rough! I love it so much I simply couldn’t go on with my life without writing angst in spanish. It hits different. And about the plot—This is a response Baz sent Simon after they broke up and Simon wanted to meet him just to check up on him. A few years ago, I would have done the same as Baz, so no roasting him for sending that long-ass message😗✌🏻

Now, let’s make a huge jump and talk about smut, so very dirty things to come (pun intended) 😈

Sick of vanilla 🧎🏻‍♂️ [E, 11.7k]

“Play nice?” I ask him, shaking my head. “What are you talking about?”

I sit up and get closer to his face.

“You asked me to be gentle!”

He did! I let him bite me and hold my throat in his hand (which, now that I’m thinking about it, might as well be choking), but I like that. I would gladly return the favour. I have a thing for biting; he knows that, but he told me ‘gentle’, so I was.

“Well, I’ve changed my mind,” he says, indignantly.

This is sort of a study about Baz and Simon’s relationship getting kinkier after they dealt with their own traumas and self-doubts. This is a what if they trusted each other so much and decided to take their dynamics in the bedroom to the next level.

This was really the first only smut fic I wrote and I’m quite proud of it because it took me like 3 months to write and because it was the first one I had someone to beta it. It was for the @erotic-grope-fest because the vibes will never die, and it’s the first part of a series of three fics. It has dom/sub stuff (Dom Simon!), bondage, kinks and so on.

And finally, I think my now personal favorite smut:

The Second Chain ⛓ [E, 3.9k]

“I can’t believe you ever wore a cross to protect yourself from me, back at Watford, Snow,” I say. “Look at you, letting me hurt you under your petitions.”

I’m only going to share that bit because it’s pwp and it scalates really quickly. This one had such a good response because apparently writing something self-indulgent is noticeable and enjoyable. With this fic, after writing 3 fics for the EGF, I studied Dom Baz, because I wanted them to be kinky as hell (literally; there’s some sacrilegious shit I did there that, I’m going to hell.) this was part of the @teeth-and-tiddy dynamic, with the prompt “cross”.

Anywayyyyy, tagging because this was fun. (I don’t know who already did this, sorry): @wellbelesbian @moodandmist @aristocratic-otter @takitalks @martsonmars <3

#my writing #carry-on #baz x simon #spicy content #let’s keep the egf vibes alive

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idrisofficial · 9 months

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ok intro post so i can pin something

this is an oc blog dedicated to a wip i’ve had for about four years now, and is really special to me :) idris is the name of the country which the story takes place in, but the wip is otherwise untitled

a list of character names in case you’re thinking of sending me an ask, linked to their informational oc tags (please please please send asks, ask games reblogged are always open):

brinne

adrian

rowen

evander

grace

lennox

zuri

nesrin

alya

zephyr

nova

kori

natal

and onto the descriptions…

some basic worldbuilding: the country of idris is an oppressive monarchical regime, set in a time about technologically equivalent to the mid-1800s. the universe exists on the same earth we live on, but is organized into entirely different countries than ours. idris exists on swedish, norweigan, finnish, and some russian territory. it is mainly governed by the alistair family monarch, the kaldaver family high priest, and seven other noble families. the vast majority of idris is fiercely loyal to the country’s polytheistic religion of halcyonism.

brief (enough) character descriptions

brinne alistair - twenty two, ruling monarch of idris. grew up resentful of the monarchy and its oppression, but after a traumatic rebel attack that came to be known as “artemis’s massacre,” she became so obsessive over her own safety that she couldn’t bring herself to care about the good of the people anymore. generally a cold and unstable individual who should not be trifled with, but she has incredibly nuanced feelings and beliefs inside. an artist at heart. prone to fits of mania and depression. betrothed to kori for political purposes, but has been adrian’s forbidden lover for years.

adrian kaldaver - twenty two, high priest of idris. resident poor little meow meow. knows a lot about halcyonism, but deeply insecure about his place in it and where he really belongs. complete wet noodle of a man who has net negative spine, but tries his best to do the right thing anyway. he has no direction and is manipulated very easily. actually smart, but his lack of confidence prevents him from being truly intelligent. getting involved with brinne at a young age greatly changed his perspective, and he would do virtually anything for her sake. not a virgin and he’s still freaking out about it after six years. betrothed to zuri.

rowen zeysra - twenty five, co-leader of idris’s underground rebellion. she goes by the alias “artemis” among revolutionaries, and only a very select few know her real name. extremely passionate about the cause, but can be callous and reckless. gets much more credit for the rebellion than evander, her brother and co-leader. the name artemis is feared throughout idris after her revolution’s massacre in the royal palace five years ago. trained knife-fighter, and very much a product of her environment. she’s gentle with the innocent, but reveals a sadistic streak from time to time. crushing on grace.

evander zeysra - twenty seven, co-leader of the rebellion, and rowen’s brother. goes by “apollo” among revolutionaries (see what i did there). not as famous as rowen, but acts as the architect of operation planning. an extremely level-headed and focused person. kind, too, although sometimes he worries he shows it too much. he serves as a major source of balance within the revolution. he’s the kind of crafty that’s perfect for a ren fair. wants a lot out of life and is okay taking his time to get there, so long as it gets done. great with his hands, but not in the way you’re thinking, perv. he’s aroace.

grace odessa - twenty two, lead noble of idris’s house of education. wholly aware that most of her job is maintaining state propaganda. secretly joined the rebellion after artemis’s massacre and natal’s death*. a tough person through and through, and an intellectual until the end. deeply idealistic, despite her skeptical personality. she’s much more scarred than she lets on, and has a very high tolerance for pain. hates lennox in particular. previously betrothed to natal, now betrothed to another noble. crushing on rowen.

lennox warryn - twenty two, lead noble of idris’s house of criminal justice. endlessly calculating and manipulative, but only smug about it in his head. the entire noble court looks up to him, even those who dislike him for one reason or another. there are layers under his mask. he genuinely loathes both brinne and adrian for their political incompetence, and underhandedly assumes the position of regent when brinne goes through depressive episodes. he could crack at any moment from the amount of pressure he puts on himself, but he won’t. betrothed to nesrin.

zurielle (zuri) tessing - twenty years old, noble of idris’s house of agriculture. sweet and hard-working. one of the only nobles immune to the noble court’s cutthroat politics. head over heels in love with adrian, and is convinced there’s something wrong with her because of his lack of interest. no matter how hard she tries, she can’t seem to get close to much of anyone. a little desperate for attention at this point. betrothed to adrian.

nesrin theoris - twenty years old, noble of idris’s house of military forces. she’s serious, and sometimes harsh, but overall she acts in good faith. she isn’t especially powerful within noble court, but she uses her connections extremely wisely. an expert at accomplishing whatever needs to be done (unlike many of her peers). she dislikes social niceties, and will tell you what she thinks regardless of if you want to hear it. more sensitive and romantic if you probe deeper. has a thing for lennox’s sister. betrothed to lennox.

alya volkotya - sixteen years old, refugee from the neighboring country of zaseov. fled to idris after her parents died from starvation and her older sister was killed in a common gang war. she initially despised idris for its religious oppression, and after being taken in by the revolution, hated the country for nearly everything else as well. she’s gentle in appearance and nature, but won’t hesitate to resort to hostility when her wrath is earned. a good hunter and avid music lover. very cottagecore in general. dating zephyr.

zephyr siles - fifteen years old, ex-soldier of idris. grew up in the squalid slums of idris with no father and a neglectful mother. somehow maintained an attitude of unadulterated optimism throughout his childhood and enlisted in the military at thirteen years old, hoping to make something of his life. he had a mentor in the military who meant everything to him, but was discharged after he snuck into an armory and accidentally caused an explosion that caused permanent injury to his left eye. found the revolution while wandering on the streets looking for shelter. still only wants to be useful and fulfilled. dating alya.

finnovamina “nova” twyvek - twenty one years old, born the heir to idris’s biggest newspaper company. hates his family, hates the monarchy, hates idris’s religion. he’s a little hater boy. very interested in medical sciences, but has never had the opportunity to explore it. extremely socially awkward, but voracious for knowledge and what people have to offer by way of it. dresses like he has five bucks and a gum wrapper to his name, much to his parents’ chagrin. always has a scarf on. joined the revolution because he believes in justice and also because he wants to be a hater.

koriandarius “kori” twyvek - seventeen years old, and bases his entire personality on being the golden child of his family. he’s friendly to all seven of his siblings, especially nova, although nova usually pushes him away. not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but remarkably earnest. loves putting smiles on other peoples’ faces. craves approval and success. not used to rejection, and is doing his best to cope with a recent influx of it. ecstatic to be marrying the monarch, both for his personal sake and for his family’s name. betrothed to brinne.

*natal maravei - dead. haunts the narrative a little. used to be grace’s fiancé from idris’s noble house of international relations. following artemis’s massacre, he tried to find the rebellion and join it, but was caught in the process and executed by brinne. died at seventeen. a little shit when he was alive, but had always been intellectually savvy and charming. he was daring to a fault, and deeply convinced that he was destined for greatness. unlikely friend to lennox (lennox definitely did not have a big gay crush on him). his death serves as a symbol of brinne’s onset paranoia following artemis’s massacre, although different nobles believe different things as to whether her paranoia is truly justified or not.

here’s a link to my uquiz to find out which one of these guys you’re most like!!!

the things i tag for on this blog could be referencing the original setting of idris, or could be referencing a modern au i have. honestly i just dick around with my little guys here and everyone is along for the ride.

if you made it this far i love you so much. thank you for taking the time to learn about my ocs, and if you’re curious about the characters or world, i love answering questions. my ask box and dms are always open. my main is @galaxitic but if you’re here you probably already knew that. it’s also in my header umm. goodbye

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gb-patch · 3 years

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Ask Answers: May 15th Part 2

And here’s the next part of the long answer set of the day!

When will OL: N&F take place? Beginnings and Always took place during summer breaks, will now and forever take place during a fall break or will the characters be going to school at the time of the events we play through?

It takes place over all of the fall season, so school will be happening in OL2. Some events do take place in school, though many times events only start after school is already out for the day, haha.

Hey!! I have kind of a weird question?? I’m sorry if it’s been answered before and I just haven’t seen it but is OL 2 taking place during the same years as OL 1? I’m just curious, thank you for such amazing games!!!

It’s a similar time frame, but not 100% exactly same.

Do you have any idea when the demo for now and forever will be available?

Hopefully this fall! But that’s not a guarantee.

Okay the crime show in Step 2: Growing up. Long blonde hair, police station, crime series? Was it The Closer? Because I’m the same age as MC and Cove and my mom was constantly watching that when I was 13. 😂

Haha, yeah! The Closer and, to a lesser degree, Medium were the kind of shows I was referencing there. My mom also used to watch those back in the day.

Hey um this might be an odd question but if the setting of OL: N&F is fall/autumn, what country or city will it take because my mind tells me it is either Poland or Canada. Also I can't wait for the game I am hyped

It’s set in the USA again. We’d like to be able to have cameos and that’s easiest to do if the OL games take place in the same country.

Is it possible for the PC of OL to have non-seriously dated other people in the in between years even if they’ve had a consistent crush on Cove?

You can causally date Baxter in Step 3 if you get his DLC and then ultimately choose Cove in Step 4. If you mean off-screen people, it doesn’t really come up, but you can certainly headcanon that. The game never says Cove is the only partner you’ve ever had.

Is there going to be a Kickstarter for Now and Forever as well? For like voiced names and stuff again? Didn’t find B&A until after it was released and I’d really love the opportunity to hear my name in the game 🥺

Yeah, we are gonna have a Kickstarter with getting a voiced name as a reward! Though, it will be more expensive than it was for OL1. I feel bad to raise the price but we realized too late the first time around that it was being super undersold for the amount of work it took, aha.

Do you know how much the remaining DLC for OL will cost? (Step 4, Derek, Baxter)

Step 4: Free

Wedding DLC: $2.99USD

Derek DLC: $4.99USD

Baxter DLC: $4.99USD

Has an artist for the new position been picked yet?! I'm super excited for the new game!

We did fill that spot. Thank you so much for taking the time to apply!

hmmm what would it take to get each of the XOXO jerk squad to feel the need to hug you?

They’d have to first like you a fair amount, otherwise the most you’d get is maybe a pat on the shoulder. If they were attached, they might hug you if you broke down crying or if you gave them super good news.

Unless it’s Shiloh, of course. If you want a hug you only have to ask!

May i ask how the Derek DLC will work? I believe that there aren’t any memories in step 4 and doesnt derek’s dlc take place during that step? So will the dlc add memories? Thank you!

Derek’s DLC will add five Moments to Step 2 (a new page will appear on that screen if you get the DLC). Then in Step 4 you’ll have to choose between playing the default epilogue or going through the Derek romance story.

Is the pc version on itch,io different from the steam version? Like an offline one or something?

Steam has achievements, but that’s about it. Both can be played offline, if you prefer.

I've been wondering this for awhile, what determines if cove winds up with a ponytail in step 3? I've done multiple runs with different MCs with varying hairstyles. Or does it have to do with a particular moment in step 2?

I’m afraid I can’t say exact choices that determine things. But generally it’s preference based options in the Step before that decide those things.

Any Floret Bond updates?

No, the artist had to leave the project and it’s been on-hold. I’m not sure if I want to try working just with what we have or replacing it all entirely. The design is a bit too specific for us to easily find someone who could mimic it. Hopefully we’ll work things out later, though.

In step 3 is Cove's plan always to stay in sunset bird?

Yeah. He is never ready at 18-years-old to make a big life change.

I love your content! If it's alright to ask, you answered in a previous ask about how Jeremy was too particular with what he likes his types to be romanceable with just any MC and it's sort of got me wondering.. What /are/ his types and/or preferences and such? Sorry if it's a lot!

Jeremy likes stubborn jerks and will not date someone who’s sweet or even generally a decent person, haha.

uh, excuse me if you said this somewhere before, but how will step 4 be actually? Will it he like an actual step and have moments and dlc and all? Or will it be more like a long epilogue of some sort?

Will the step 4, the wedding and extra routes dlcs be paid too? Im just confused, sorry if im asking too much

Step 4 is only an epilogue, so it’s just a long series of scenes one after the other rather than a collection of Moments you can choose from.

The Step 4 epilogue is free, the wedding DLC, Derek DLC, and Baxter DLC cost money.

i’m not sure how much of the wedding dlc you have planned already, or if this would be to spoilery, but what kind of wedding traditions will be included? i keep thinking about how flustered cove would get over a garter toss & was wondering if we’d see a scene like that haha. obviously no worries if it’s not included, i’ll enjoy literally anything cove related

I don’t know for sure yet, haha. Right now we’re focused on the parts before the big day. We’ll see how many scene alterations we can include for the wedding itself later on.

Hello! Firstly, thank you for creating such an amazing game like OL, and I couldn’t be more excited for OL2! Out of curiosity, are you looking for any writers to come on for OL2 or are you all pretty much set in that department? Just thought I’d shoot my shot haha but I’m still excited regardless ^^!

We will be hiring writers for OL2 later this year! Thank you for the interest.

Will we be blessed with a spin-off Yandere Cove, like XOXO Blood Droplets?

Sadly, no. It’s a shame but there’s not enough time to keep making OL1 bonus/spin-off content.

How is Q pronounced?

I’m afraid Q’s full name hasn’t been publicly announced yet so I can’t answer here (Q and T are the first letters of the names for the new LIs in Our Life: Now & Forever).

Question; is the steam version getting a Mac update? I purchased the dlc there thinking it had Mac support without realizing it and just wondered if I’d need to refund it to purchase on itch.io 😭

I’m really sorry, you will need to get a refund from Steam. We do hope to have it there for Steam eventually, but have no idea of when it’ll happen. Apple requires special notarization to be an officially accepted app for their devices. We don’t have that. Steam requires having that, Itch will let you release it as an non-notarized third party app. That’s why Itch is the only place that has the Mac version right now.

would you mind posting outfit sheets for Cove in every step? it would make things a lot easier for us artists. it would save a lot of time spent looking for references

I think we did do the earlier steps when they were finished way back in 2019 (this game took a long time to make, aha), but we can probably repost them sometime!

In our life n&f, will we be able to get into qprs/will there be more options in regards to having deep platonic relationships with the love interests? Because as an aroace individual, it would be great if there could also be emphasis on platonic love so that it's more aspec inclusive.

It’s a little hard to say at this point. There may not be things like a wedding DLC for OL2 and so the relationship for platonic and romantic feelings might not go as far as it did in the first game. We’ll kind of have to see how much we can do based on timeframe/budget constraints that will only be set near the end of the year. But we will be keeping things like that in mind at least.

hi! i really really like your game and im absolutely in love with it! i cant wait to try your other games like xoxo droplet and future OL NF :))

during the step 3 erands moment i got curious, which fudge flavor is his favorite? it seems like he likes all of them, but which 4 do you think he would like best?

also i noticed that in some playthroughs cove would let me give him a piggy back ride, and in some he wouldn't, how come?

how does your choices affect cove's interests or looks? i replayed the game without changing any choices but i got cove to look different, is it just random?

thank you!

Cove’s favorite flavors are ones with nuts and that are fruity! But he appreciates them all. Whether or not you can give him a piggyback ride depends on if your MC is fit/large enough to hold a muscular 6-foot-tall beach boy, haha.

Cove’s appearance does depend on choices and it’s generally tied to choices that are preference based rather than emotion/action based, such as which key chain you pick in Step 1.

Is it possible for cove to reject MC's proposal at the end of step 3?

Nope. He’ll always accept.

hi! i was wondering how heavily the side characters will be featured in the our life wedding dlc? obviously it'll be cove & mc focused, but i was thinking it'd be sweet if we could take lizzie dress / suit shopping or dance with cliff at the wedding or something.

The side characters are there about as often as they are in normal events. So, it’s clearly focused on Cove but he’s not the only person you have any meaningful moments with.

When will responses be sent out to applicants?

I’m afraid we don’t send responses out to all applications, only ones we’re interested in offering the position to. Not everyone likes rejection emails and the amount of applications is too high to contact them all to say we’re not hiring them. We post updates on the job page when a position has news. Right now we’ve filled every role that was open.

Is there also going to be the option to keep your relationships with the love interests platonic in Our Life: Now and Forever? That's something I really appreciate in Our Life: Beginnings and Always

Yeah! OL will never force you to end up in a romantic relationship with someone.

I was wondering, in the Step 3 Happiness moment, what are the different fishes Cove can compare MC to? I got "you'd be a paradise fish, because being with you is paradise," but my friend got "you'd be an angelfish." Are there more variations?

He says paradise fish if you’re a couple, angelfish if he’s just crushing, and then a royal dottyback/queenfish/emperor tetra (based on your gender) if he likes the MC platonicly.

Hello! So, in one of the Step 3 DLCs, Cove's arm was gone. I think it was to show him putting his arm behind his back. But if that wasn't the case, did it get yeeted?

Thanks for letting us know. That was an error we tried to fix a little while back. When did you make the save file you were playing? If it was older that might be why it happened. Or maybe the error wasn’t fully fixed after all.

Asking for your opinion, but do you think Cove would at all be into ABBA? Because all I could imagine during the car trip in step 3 was him and the MC belting to Mamma Mia.

Haha, yeah, there’d definitely be some ABBA songs he was into.

So throughout the game, Cove can develop different interests depending on the player’s choices; does this mean that he can have different careers in Step 4? Or his is line of work in adulthood never mentioned at all?

He can have different career paths in Step 4!

Hi!! I'm so so sorry if this has been asked before but I just acquired knowledge about the so famous nsfw dlc for OL and nearly chocked on my bubblegum 💀💀💀 So, my real inquiry is if that specific moment will have any kind of impact at some point of the fourth step OR if it will just be treated as a side-story-ish “what if” scenario.Also, is there any chance there'll be something similar for Step 4? Haha jk,,, unless 😳Questions apart let me thank you profoundly for making the best visual novel I've ever played 😭 Really really looking forward the epilogue and OL2 💕 Have a nice day

It’s just a bonus side story that’s fully separate from the main game.

It would be nice to have one for Step 4 too, but I sadly don’t see us having time to actually do it. I don’t know, if people are still asking for more OL1 content several months from now it might be doable and worth doing.

I'd just like to ask, when is Baxter's birthday :0 -- I'm really curious esp with their zodiac signs so ;w;

I don’t know, haha. Maybe I’ll come up with one someday.

Please help!! I bought the Step 3 DLC but I still have no idea how to get to where you can propose to Cove - any tips?

How do I get the option to propose to Cove at the end of the game?

You can click HERE for a discussion on that.

I love that Miranda and Terry are getting together! I'm curious if you have canon sexualities for them? Also just wanted to say how much I love OL and how much joy it brings me everytime I play it <3

Terry likes ladies and Miranda likes dudes!

ngl Step 4 Terry's design reads like y'all see trans guys as their assigned gender more than you see them as men to me (a trans guy)... like maybe if he isn't heavily dysphoric, I could see it, but everything you've said about him doesn't line up with that. Even then, immediate warning bells go off in my head looking at him. I wouldn't have touched the game if I saw him ahead of time.

I’m sorry you aren’t comfortable with the way the design looks. The situation with Terry is that he’s now open about who he is, but the body he was born with is still physically the same. He only came out recently as an adult and hasn’t gone through any treatments/procedures yet (his chest is flatter because he wears a binder). However, even though his body hasn’t transitioned at the point Step 4 happens, no one treats him as anything other than the guy he is. Having a trans character who’s identity is supported/respected from the start is what we’re going for in this case. But what we’re doing with Terry isn’t the only trans content we’ve ever had/ever will have in the future.

how would baxter react to bae pyoun and vice versa? and can you please detailly explain both love interests personalities from our life 2: now and forever? i was just curious, sorry for dumb question!!

I imagine it’d be pretty opposite experiences, haha. Bae would initially think Baxter is pushy and thoughtless, but would quickly realize, oh, he’s instead a soft, considerate boy. Very cute. Baxter would first be struck with the impression that Bae is charming and gentlemanly, but then would realize that, no, he’s a sarcastic asshole. And I’m afraid we can’t reveal the personalities for the next game yet.

Sorry if you've already answered this, but I have a question about the patreon exclusive moment you're working on. I was wondering if it's mainly going to be CGs or if it's mostly character sprites + backgrounds with some CGs.

Either way, thank you for doing the Lord's work and not only making Cove, but making this bonus moment as well 😌😌😌

It’s mostly sprites/backgrounds with two CGs!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for the interesting questions everyone :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

#our life #Our Life Beginnings & Always #Our Life: Now & Forever #xoxo droplets #ask #gb patch #gb patch games

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thominho-incorrectquotes · 3 years

Text

You are the miracle I was hoping for

This is my entry for Thominho Week 2021, Day 1 “ Minho's first impression (Canon compliant) ”

Characters: Thomas x Minho

2129 words

Tags: Canon compliant, takes place in the first book, grey-aroace Minho (hinted)

Summary: When Minho volunteered to be a Runner, he didn't expected to be so alone. Until everything changed.

Note: I'm so excited for another Thominho Week! Hope you enjoy all the fics I have prepared!

You can also read it on AO3 and ff.net

_______________________________

When Minho first arrived in the Maze with the first bunch of teenage boys, with no memories, it had been a mess. Trying to figure everything out took a while and they lost few boys to what they decided to call Grievers. But he remembered being somehow attracted to what was beyond those walls. He wanted to know more.

When they started dividing the different jobs, Minho had jumped on the "Runner" one and was soon assigned as the Keeper of the Runners since he was the fastest and bravest one. He wanted to know what this "maze" was all about. If their theory was right and that they were sent there to solve what appeared to be a Maze with the few small exploration they made during the first days, then Minho wanted to be the one to find the solution.

So he ran. Everyday.

With time, they started figuring more things, like how the Maze had sections that changed every day. Or how The Grievers seemed to come out more at night. The young Asian was thrilled every time a new discovery was made.

Soon enough, it had been a year. A year of running every day, mapping out the Maze, eating at the Glade before sleeping. Starting all over the next day.

And after a year… there was no new discovery. They stagnated.

And after a year of running alone in the Maze… Minho realized how lonely his life had become. Beside the few times he had to train a new Runner, the Keeper spent most of his days alone, running his ass off in hope to find an escape to this hell.

He wasn't in the Glade long enough to become close to someone. He had been close to Newt, another runner, even if they still didn't spend much time together. But one day, Newt tried to kill himself and was no longer a Runner. And ever since, the blond stuck to Alby.

And Minho was lonelier than ever.

It was hard, really, being the Keeper of the Runner, having the biggest responsibility on his shoulders while also having to see everyone in the Glade having friends, or even partners, while he was alone.

He hated it. Hated it so much. He hated those who put them there. He hated loosing another Glader, like it was his own fault that he couldn't save them all. He hated that he had no one.

He was starting to lose hope. And he hated it even more. It was his job, his responsibility, he couldn't lose hope! So every time he set foot in the Maze, he wished for a miracle. Every time one of his Runner was about to give up, he took on the role of the optimistic one, giving words of encouragement, ignoring how hard it was to do so when he was also falling apart.

Another year passed. Same loneliness. Same old Maze who couldn't be solved. Same hatred for those who put them there.

Despite all this, he did his job every day. Despite losing their leader, Nick, to the Grievers few weeks ago, he still wished that things would change. Despite the routine making him sick of everything, he continued. He couldn't stop. Everyone counted on him.

Another Greenie came. The first one since Alby became the leader. Minho didn't think about it too much. Just another Newbie that he won't be able to get close too. But then, on his daily run in the Maze, he came across something he'd never seen before. A dead Griever.

Was this the sign he was hoping for? Were things starting to change?

He ran back to the Glade. He had to figure it out. This was big!

He never ran faster before. His lungs were burning, but he didn't stop. It's only once in the safety of the Glade that he allowed himself to crash down in exhaustion, finally allowing his body to escape the pain from his long sprint.

The Greenie, a brown-haired boy, a little younger than him, ran to him, asking if he was okay. Minho was momentarily distracted by the many moles covering the boy's face.

He was beautiful. So beautiful.

Perfect lips, curious amber eyes that looked golden in the sun, messy brown hair that made him look younger than he probably was… He was perfect. And it was so unsettling for Minho, all those feelings… He had never felt the need – the urge – to kiss someone else before, and this boy comes and steals Minho's breath away, not that he had any left after his run.

Alby's arrival got him out of his daydream. Quite annoyed that him for that, he commanded their leader to get him some water. He wanted to have the Greenie for himself, just for a while.

Of course, he couldn't help but be his sarcastic self. He was a bit afraid that Thomas, as the boy told him what is name was, would take offense in his sarcasm, like all other Gladers who couldn't stand him for that, but unlike them, Thomas, after seemingly understanding Minho's way of communicating, seemed to not mind it. It was a pleasant surprise. There was something about him that made him different from the others. Minho only wished he could spend more time with him.

And then, Ben was banished for attacking Thomas, saying that it was all Thomas's fault, which only was adding to Minho's suspicions about Thomas being different.

Trying to push back the thought that a Glader died once again, he went into the Maze the next day along with Alby to show him the dead Griever. No matter what, he still had a job to do.

He would never could have guessed that Alby would be dumb enough to poke the disgusting flesh of this monster with a stick. He would never could have guessed that he would have to smash their leader's head with a rock in order to carry him to safety.

After hours of walking in the Maze with Alby on his back, Minho knew time was running out. He didn't have to look at his watch to know that. After years in the Maze, it had become a second nature to just know when the doors would close.

The idea of leaving Alby there and saving himself made its way into his mind, but he pushed it back. If he couldn't save as many Gladers as he could, his job as the Keeper of the Runners meant nothing. He had to save Alby. He had to save everyone.

The finally saw the doors, but to his horror, they were closing. He knew he had no chance. He knew that if he just dropped Alby there, he could still run to the doors and save his life. But he couldn't. He couldn't give up!

So he continued his way to the Glade, Alby on his back. He saw Thomas. He saw the boy looking at him in horror as the doors were closing. Before he could yell him to stop, he saw the Greenie rushing into the Maze, as the doors closed behind him.

Minho wanted to scream, but no sounds came out. His throat was raw and he was breathless.

He was trapped. He was trapped in the Maze.

And Thomas, the dumb shank, was there too.

Minho couldn't understand why the boy would throw away his life like that. It was a death wish. The boy was suicidal, there was no other option.

But Thomas wanted to help, wanted to find a solution. Minho couldn't believe how dumb the boy was. Sure, he had arrived in the Glade not so long ago, but he was pretty sure Newt told him about the Maze and how dangerous it was.

Fear filled his whole body. He didn't want to die. He still had his goal to achieve. He still had to solve the Maze and save everyone!

He was the best Runner, he knew the Maze by heart. Maybe he would be able to escape the Grievers?

With that thought in mind, he left Thomas there with Alby. Alby was going to die anyway and if the Greenie was bright enough, he'll escape the monsters too.

So he ran. He was exhausted, but he couldn't stop. The Maze felt alive, as if it was watching him. The blood pumping into his hears couldn't stop the noise from the Maze. The Grievers were there.

He was terrified. Only the familiarity of running kept him going.

But then, he was hit with a strange feeling, making him stop in his track. Thomas had went into the Maze. He went into the Maze! He went to help him! And Minho just left him there. The boy knew nothing about the Maze, he was going to die without his help! And the thought of Thomas dying twisted Minho's stomach.

He didn't know exactly why, but Thomas couldn't die. Thomas was different. His act of stupid bravery back there was enough proof. No one in the Glade would have done the same. Everyone, himself included, would have just stayed in the safety of the Glade.

Thomas was important. Thomas could not die. With that in mind, Minho turned around and retraced his steps to where he hoped Thomas still was. His fear was pushed back, taken over by the pure determination of helping the Greenie. The only thing he allowed himself to be scared off was finding Thomas dead.

He wasn't dead when Minho finally saw him. But he was about to be killed by the four Grievers surrounding him. Minho was too late. Thomas was going to die. The Keeper wanted to scream, but his throat was squeezed shut.

But then, Minho saw something that changed everything.

Thomas sprinted towards one of the Grievers. The monster seemed surprised for a second before rushing at the boy, but before he could get him, Thomas stepped aside letting the Griever pass by him, not able to stop, before running again.

It wasn't the fact that Thomas shucking escaped a Griever. It was the fact Thomas didn't give up, even if all the odds were against him. That's what they needed.

And as Minho came up with a plan of his own after seeing the boy's stunt, as they ran together towards the cliff, as he took Thomas in his arms after they pushed the last Griever down the hole, trying is best to comfort the crying kid because of an unknown feeling in his guts told him to, as they came back to the Glade alive, as Minho took Thomas's defense during the Keepers meeting, as they became closer on their daily run in the Maze, as his feelings for the one he now considered his best friend grew… Minho knew he wouldn't be able to live without Thomas.

Because Thomas was the miracle he was hoping for.

___________________________________

Hope you liked it! See you tomorrow!

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georgiaswarr · 3 years

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georgia warr

never been in love - gatlin

a song about wanting to be in love but not being able to be in love, which is very fitting for georgia’s initial situation. i’ve put this at the beginning of this playlist because - spoiler alert - the last song on here is also called never been in love and i think these two songs symbolise georgia’s journey in a very mint way. also, the first line of this song is “that boy from georgia was so sweet” which i think is pretty funny

somebody to love - queen

the title says it all. georgia wants to find somebody to love. i mean, she’s already found them, but we’ll get to that later.

paradise - coldplay

georgia is a big dreamer and yearner and i think this song really encapsulates that on so many levels. i mean “when she was just a girl / she expected the world / but it flew away from her reach / so she ran away in her sleep” that’s georgia !

tous les garçons et les filles - françoise hardy

french song because i’m ~quirky~ but this song is basically about seeing everyone else be in relationships and feeling lonely/wanting one for yourself

waiting for love - avicii

georgia is a hopeless romantic, but she’s still waiting for her own grand romance (she still hasn’t realised that the “love” she’s “waiting for” has already “come around”)

dear no one - tori kelly

georgia “i want someone to be in love with but there is no one” warr, at least at the beginning of the book

chaos - miki fiki

this song can be interpreted with various themes of the book in mind such as yearning for something you don’t have, feeling lonely, emotional turmoil, etc, it’s a banger

i walk a little faster - fiona apple

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist (they’ve done a great rundown here). this song has similar themes to dear no one, anticipating that romance will come to you, but it hasn’t, despite how hard you chase it, how fast you walk

when - dodie

shoutout to @drarrystar for recommending this song to me because so many of the lines reflect georgia to the core. just look up the lyrics and you’ll agree

deeper - ella eyre

“cause i’m scared, i can’t lie / i don’t feel the same inside / i can’t decide if i have the heart to confess” georgia thinks she can learn to love jason romantically if she just digs a little deeper

loneliness for love - lovelytheband

“anything at all not to feel alone / anything at all just to feel whole / ‘cause i keep mistaking loneliness for love”

a little more - alessia cara

“there you are with your college friends / you played in a marching band / i can't help but wish i knew you then / but i guess i know you now // it looks as if i've stumbled right into the palm of your hand // hey, you / hey, mr. knock on my door / i'm sorry that I've been emotions galore / am i crazy for wanting a little bit more? / a little more of you” georgia about sunil. she needs their guidance and wishes he’d been there for her earlier.

stuck in california - rightfield

a song about feeling alone and alienated by everyone and everything around you, and waiting for your “stars to align”, which fits georgia if you ask me

seven - taylor swift

georgiapip song !!!!!! it’s also about how alienating it can be to grow up and lose your childhood innocence, and i have a lot of thoughts about a very specific brand of growing pains that come with being aspec, but that’s a topic for another day

te amo - rihanna

this is a song about having someone be romantically in love with you and the heartbreak that comes from not being able to reciprocate those feelings --> georgia about jason

love love love - of monsters and men

same as te amo. it hits especially hard when you do love the other person so fucking much

ceiling won’t break - finish ticket

this song gives me georgia’s emotional turmoil vibes, also the line “i see no lights ‘cause the lights weren’t aimed at me” can be interpreted in a “cupid’s arrows didn’t hit georgia” way if you get what i mean

lack of emotion - skott

once again we are dealing with themes of not being able to feel the emotions that you “““““should”““““ feel for someone

let me go - hailee steinfeld

another song about georgia and jason’s (romantic) relationship and how it was doomed to fail from the beginning so she hopes he can let her go

i’m so tired - lauv, troye sivan

i’m just thinking about that line in loveless where georgia resentfully realises how many songs are about romantic love. she’s just so tired

crush culture - conan gray

and another song about being resentful of our romance-obsessed society, which georgia certainly is plenty of times throughout the book

home - ella eyre

christmas break time babey !!!! georgia has reached her low point and she’s going home

i love my car - belle & sebastain

“I pressed a cold hand against my car, which was as far up the drive of our house as it could get. I’d missed my car.” - loveless by alice oseman, celebrating all kinds of love since 2020

i’ve never written a song about a boy - eva westphal

this was actually recommended to me by @michaelholdenn for this playlist ! a song about the liberation that comes with not having to force attraction anymore

this is home - cavetown

i think months ago some ask told alice that this is a loveless song and i agree

why can’t we be friends - jordy searcy

this is about georgia’s strained relationship with pip and jason after the bailey ball and how she wishes they could just be friends again, the way they were all throughout their childhood

chiquitita - abba

okay fuckers THIS is literally the LOVELIEST song about friendship and wanting to be there for your loved ones and i’m sure georgia relates

open up - matt simons

“you’re hard to talk to with that wall around you” vs. “rooney had a solid brick wall round some part of her that nobody was allowed to know.” basically, georgia wants rooney to open up to her

just fucking let me love you - lowen

okay, yes, this song is very gay, but i think it can be applied to georgiarooney too ! the frustration this song expresses of wanting to shake someone and scream at them to just fucking let you love them is definitely shown in loveless when it comes to those two

less than i do - the band camino

georgia about pip. she hopes that pip will forgive her eventually. i mean look at the line “i still have your denim jacket” in the song - georgia still has pip’s jacket too, it’s perfect !!!

friends will be friends - queen

if loveless taught us anything it’s that friends sure fuckin will be friends

stick with me - olly murs

“we all get lonely / trying to find a place where we should be / trying to find someone to set us free / there are times a friend is all you need” you know when alice said that every character in the book feels “loveless” in some way at one point or another, but they all learn the value and importance of platonic love? yeah.

your song - moulin rouge

“and then, with three accompanists, i stood on a boat on the river wear and sang ‘your song’ - the version specifically from moulin rouge - to pip quintana, who didn’t yet know me as well as i wished she did, but despite that, was one of my favourite people i had ever met.”

wherever i live - alessia cara

you know the scene after georgia leaves pip and rooney to their first kiss? yeah, this song really reflects that mindset of half loneliness, half acceptance to me. listen to it.

take time - honest men

accepting your identity takes time ! even by the end of loveless there’s still days when georgia wishes she wasn’t aroace and the book presents this in an amazing and properly nuanced way !

die alone - finneas

"you asked me, ‘do you wanna die alone / or watch it all burn down together?’ / i said i’d rather try to hold on to you forever” this song is very much georgiarooney - finding each other in their darkest of days and watching everything they thought they knew (amatonormativity) burn down. together.

no lover - jetty bones

the next few songs are basically just one aro anthem after the next. this is another recommendation from @michaelholdenn - “maybe i don’t need a lover, i just need the friend”

solo - carly rae jepsen

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist. amazing anthem about how it’s okay to be single and how romantic love isn’t as fulfilling as society makes it out to be anyway

trust my lonely - alessia cara

i think in georgia’s case this song can be interpreted as her learning to finally let go of her pre-conceived notions of what love is and what she should want, her learning to “trust her lonely”, though lonely here just means romance-less

love is a town - josh gilligan

“if [romantic] love is a town then i’m passing through" yeah, romance is not for georgia and she’s starting to accept that.

new romantics - taylor swift

the loveless gang is the new romantics !!! they’re redefining love and romance !!!

team - lorde

“and everyone's competing for a love they won't receive / 'cause what this palace wants is release” anyway, let’s go found family song

wild things - alessia cara

now, i don’t know if alessia cara is queer but I DARE YOU to look at the lyrics of wild things and not tell me that this is the ULTIMATE queer anthem about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics. i DARE you. anyway, loveless is also about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics so it’s very fitting

never been in love - will jay

full circle babey !!!!! this is THE aro anthem so obviously i had to add it and comparing the “never been in love / and it’s all good” to the “never been in love / and i fucking hate that i couldn’t make it past a crush” message from the first song we can really reflect georgia’s journey of self-acceptance in loveless which i love a lot

#oof my playlists are loooooong #anyway shoutout to thunder kindaorangey for coming up with the concept of a playlist masterpost ily dude #playlist #osemanverse playlist #long post

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aspiringhorrorauthor · 3 years

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hello, PLEASE tell me your aroace analysis of the black parade album, i would like to see it 👀👀

What up guys, I just passed a vet med practice exam and I’m aroace and emo as fuck so let’s do this

First off, I will preface that I know that this wasn’t quite MCR’s idea of the album, but art is interpretive and I will at every possible opportunity rub my grubby little aroace hands all over that shit. This is also gonna get long so here’s a read more

Okay so first off, let me just exclude the following songs from this interpretation simply because they are exactly as they appear: The End, Dead!, Welcome to the Black Parade, Sleep, Teenagers and Blood. I can’t find anything to really psychoanalyse in this regarding the aroace experience so much as they are about the emo experience. And also, as a heads up, I feel this may teter more into aromantic interpretation than asexual simply because that’s how I roll, baby.

Let’s start with ‘This Is How I Disappear’, there’s something in here that strikes me as ‘coming to terms with being aroace Very Badly’, that first onset of panic when you realise ‘oh crap, I’m not allo’. I didn’t have the ‘hell yeah no sexual/romantic attraction oh wait there’s a word for that?’ realisation often stated online, I was in a lot of denial, especially when I first started listening to this album.

The lines “And without you is how I disappear/and live my life alone forever now” really strikes this message to me. The gnawing sense of loneliness and isolation when you first realise that you’re not like everyone else, that ‘living a life alone’ is both what you want from life and dread, as an amatonormative society drills into every one of us that love and relationships is what makes us important in life, and without it we will simply disappear. The line hits home the pain of questioning, the horror of when you realise this is who you likely are before you can truly accept it. It’s not a pretty part of being aroace, it wasn’t for me, but it is an important one, and the lines always hit home to me in this era.

Added on to this is a sense of how we’re seen in media. Consider the line “Who walks among the famous living dead”. There’s a real push in amatonormativity that love and romance is what makes us human, what makes us alive, and without it, we’re not human. Therefore, by extension, the aromantic narrator is ‘not alive’ by these standards, nor is their community they’ve yet to find. This is also doubled down by the monster symbolism throughout the song; especially when I was younger, aromantic (and asexual) coded characters in media were always the bad guys, the monsters who could only be stopped by the unstoppable power of love; the narrator is lamenting how this part of themselves seems monstrous, evil to society, when really that isn’t true, and this evolves over the course of the album.

Let’s move on to The Sharpest Lives. This is less aroace specific, but it certainly seems like a downward spiral of the narrator, which carries on from the self-loathing of Disappear. There’s really only 1 line I want to talk about here: “Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands/Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo”. This is an obvious allusion to Romeo and Juliet, but it turns on its head the usual story of Romeo and Juliet being in love; Juliet doesn’t love Romeo, she just loves the beat, and Romeo is taking it too far. This speaks to another experience, not exclusive to aromantics, but definitely strongly felt in it, when someone misinterprets the relationship or your feelings and tries to push for romance when all you wanted was a good time. I had an awful experience of this myself, so I’m claiming this one for the aroaces.

(As an aside, I got into MCR around the same time we did Romeo and Juliet at school, so imagine little me, not knowing she’s aroace and sick to death of talking about romance at school and hearing this line. To say I lost my shit was an understatement. I ADORE that line.)

Next up is ‘I Don’t Love You’. I’ve talked about this one before on my blog, but this is the song that really gives it away to me that this album is very strongly catered towards aroaces. “But it’s a break up song!” No, it’s not, if you look at it from the correct angle. Also I’ve gone to further lengths with other break up songs so try me bitches (See: Love Drunk by Boys Like Girls being about disregarding amatonormativity rather than breaking up with someone. It’s so damn obvious too)

Here’s the short of it: I Don’t Love You is actually about falling out with a friend because you had entirely different ideas as to what it was you wanted from your relationship. The aro narrator wants it to remain friends; they’re happy with where they are, and doesn’t want it to change. The other ‘person’ in the song is alloromantic, and wants it to become a romantic relationship. The most important line for this is the most important line in the song: “When you go, would you even turn to say, I don’t love you like I did yesterday”. Let’s focus on the word choice here: ‘Like I did yesterday’. When allos talk about love, they talk about the amount; if this was about falling out of love, it would reflect that, that the other person in the song loves them less, not differently. The narrator is lamenting that their friend no longer loves them as a friend; the friend’s view of love has changed, they love them romantically, and less as a friend as a result, and the narrator’s insistence on remaining friends has highlighted this.

What’s more, I don’t think this is the first time the narrator has gone through this. Admittedly, I misheard one of the lines for years and I insist the line is “Another time was just another blow” but I’m not American so we don’t have dollars, and this is about me and my interpretation of the album so we’re in this ride together and I’m driving so lets do this. The song is very pained, you can hear it in Gerard’s voice, and there’s so little about the pain of losing a friend, especially when they wanted romance from you, that this song really speaks to.

What really gets me though is how the narrator is clearly still struggling with being aroace too. Let’s consider the line “Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading”. The narrator clearly isn’t at ease with their identity yet; maybe they wish they could keep their friend, but their placing their boundaries down, even though its costing a friend. These boundaries are important, and its important for our friends to respect them too. And listening to, and singing along to, this song really makes me proud for the narrator in a sort of self-love kind of way when you couldn’t love yourself.

Final matter on this song: the narrator still thinks of them as a friend, which is tearing the narrator apart. Yes, the line “Don’t ever think I’ll make you try to stay” might make you think differently, but I believe that’s the narrator setting their boundaries; they’re not going to become an item just to please their friend and make them stay. Instead lets look at “Better get out while you can”. The narrator sees that their different views on the relationship is incompatible, and suggests they ‘fall out’ before their friend gets too caught up, and the rejection pains them both even more.

Now for House of Wolves. Not a long to say on this one, but I see it as being about media and ace exclusionists. See, the song flips between another character seeing the narrator as an angel and as a sinner simultaneously; just as how the media depicts asexual/aromatic/aroace people as non-human, that our sexuality (or lack thereof) makes us incomplete (the sinner aspect), while exclusionists say that we must be loved by the same media (and by religion too) for being aspec (the angel aspect). The song flip flops between them very rapidly, a state of confusion that felt very poignant for me when I was questioning in the height of the ace discourse.

Okay Mama is just here not for interpretation but because my English teacher once told us to analyse songs for her to mark as revision for exams and she loves long songs and kept making us analyse them so I analysed Mama and handed that in and got an A*. So Mama said AroAce rights that day.

Disenchanted is another strange one, filled with lines that mean more to aroace interpretation than the song itself. It spoke to me most when I was on my year out, having failed to get into uni despite good grades, still struggling with coming to terms with being aromantic, and dealing with severe anxiety. All in all, it was a year of disenchantment. It’s a good song. So what about an aroace interpretation?

The main thing about the song seems to be pretending to be someone you’re not. And really, when talking with family who expect you to be allo, how can you be anything but? I was told in this time that ‘Girls only go to university to find a husband’, which is many levels of wrong, but that thought always sticks in my head with this song. Moreover, I always think of break up songs with the line “You’re just a sad song, with nothing to say”, because they ARE just sad songs with nothing to say; and yet we’re expected to love them, because it’s a universal experience. There’s never been nothing to them.

But really, the line “I spent my high school career spit on and shoved to agree, so I can watch all my heroes sell a car on TV” is what really spoke to me. You spend school years being told that these people are sexy, you’ll want romance one day, and you have to agree or we’ll bully you mercilessly for it. The kids at school knew who was aroace before they knew what aroace meant. And we grow up watching heroes we relate to on TV, the fantastic loners who don’t need a significant other, only for fandom and the shows themselves to pair them up, make them “sell cars on tv” and sell out what made them special to us. And it hurts. And this song reflects that so well. In this song, the narrator is reflecting back on the years lost by hating themselves, slowly coming to terms with being aroace.

And finally, Famous Last Words. This is the real tipping point where the narrator feels comfortable with themselves, and finally confronts the friend from ‘I Don’t Love You’. The song is sung by one person, yes, but it feels like a dialogue between the friend, who still wants to hold a romantic relationship with the narrator, and the narrator who’s finally had enough. The introduction is from the friend, their thoughts on the narrator and how they know that they’re not going to win, but maybe they can make them feel bad for it “But where’s your heart?”, the friend is accusing the narrator of being heartless for being aromantic. But here’s the thing:

The narrator’s accepted who they are. “Well is it hard understanding? I’m incomplete.” The narrator accepts that they’re aroace, that to the friend, they are different, they don’t experience romance. The pain that they felt in the first few songs, of being the living dead and disappearing, makes them feel incomplete still, but they’re finally secure with being aroace enough to declare that, while they aren’t fully there yet, “I am not afraid to walk this world alone.” The narrator knows who they are, and they’re no longer afraid of it. Even when the friend tries to backpedal “Honey if you stay I’ll be forgiving” the narrator knows that the friend isn’t worth the pain anymore “Nothing you can say can stop me going home.”

That’s also why the lines about ‘love’ in this song are so important too. “A love that’s so demanding I can’t speak” “A love that’s so demanding, I get weak”. The narrator is explaining that, for them, romance is demanding; it’s not easy, and it’s not worth it for them, it’ll tire them out. The first quote can also speak of their friendship now; it’s so demanding, the narrator feels that if they stay, they may not be able to speak up for themselves any more. They have to friend break up, for both of their wellbeings.

And finally, the last verses “Awake and unafraid, asleep or dead” is the final attempt at kicking the narrator, harking back to “the famous living dead”. But the narrator refutes it by insisting that they’re not afraid to be alone anymore. And the song ends with the narrator winning, leaving the friend for good, for a better life.

And that’s the aroace interpretation of Black Parade.

And it’s 2200 words long fuck

#my chemical romance #the black parade #aroace #aromantic #asexual #You should've asked me why I can headcannon every video game character as aroace instead its shorter #Well all except the sims 2

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mcrmadness · 3 years

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Madness draws: my dä fanart from when I had my (arts) comeback in 2018

For years I didn’t draw anything because of a personal (art crisis) and because I simply was studying and working so much I just had no energy left for arts.

In 2018 I was done with schools and studying and dropped out of the school I was in at that moment, and also the horse stable I was working at (school related stuff) was sold and closed its doors so also my work ended. For the first time in almost 5 years I was actually free. The longest holidays I had has was 3 weeks summer holiday in 2016, I think. I had another in 2017 but of that I actually was having health issues (nothing serious) for 2 weeks and then had to be in school for the 3rd one, after which I even got the flu.

So I was SO excited when I finally was free the first day of November in 2018. After I had got enough sleep and rest, I started to find my creativity again. And I started to “daydream” before falling asleep every night, I started to write fanfictions in my head and I started to draw, too. Partially it was also because for the first time in years I had an online friend I enjoyed talking with and we had similar interests, aka dä and Bela/Farin, and that inspired me a lot to draw even more - but unfortunately that friendship did not work out in the end and we’re no longer friends.

Anyway, most of these drawings are very much Bela/Farin related again because I talked about that a lot with this person and I often asked what they’d want to see and then drew it if the idea was something I could carry out.

This is not the first one I drew but maybe the 4th or so. I’m just putting this here first because it’s the most “innocent” aka not too much shippy stuff rubbed into the faces of my followers who don’t care about that. There’s 5 different drawings + 1 comic behind the read more link. All of these, apart from the comic, where drawn into my old sketchbook.

About the drawing above - I didn’t use pencil for these first ones at all yet, I just drew them with the fineliners as I was still a bit rusty as the last time I REALLY drew anything was in 2013 aka over 5 years ago from 2018, so I had to actually look at my old comics and drawings to even figure out how to draw these characters anymore. And I think the last actual time I drew in this style was in 2011 even. And that is very visible from the first 2018′s drawing I did! ↓↓↓

This is the one - and wait, I have an explanation!

So with this person I mentioned, we just constantly had this playful debate over whether Bela is “bottom” or not - and honestly I couldn’t care less about that because I no longer read any fanfics. I do write fanfics - or a fanfic - but only for myself and as an asexual I have never been interested in writing about certain themes so I never need to think about the whole top/bottom stuff anyway. I used to read smut before until I one day just realized it’s SO BORING and uninteresting to read, started skipping all smut scenes and wanted to read fluff but all the fluff was so quickly and badly written because everyone wanted to write smut only, that I was left with absolutely nothing to read. So it was the old story again: I started writing/drawing the stuff I wanted to read and see.

However, back to the top/bottom topic, I always base my opinions with everything over how things are in real life and with these guys, if you look at how they are in interviews and on stage, the dynamics are not just plain black&white. I’ve never seen there anything that would indicate that just one is “top” or “bottom” whatsoever which is why I kept saying imo they’re more like just switching if you listen to their jokes. Remember: I don’t read any fanfiction and don’t give a fuck about smut (lol at the pun) and honestly, even tho I understand those jokes they do and say on stage, I wish not to have any visuals about any of that “activity” in my head.

So, to support my “they switch!” opinion, I drew this, just for fun. And it is the official first drawing I did in 2018. I just needed to fire back bigger than I could do with simple text messages :D

***

Moving on. The person in question was very fascinated by the idea that Farin would be a vampire and not Bela (to support their top/bottom views...) which is why I drew this:

Also a very quick one, without sketching anything before drawing with fineliners. This and the first image of this post both are very small in real life actually, the signature is about the same size in every drawing so you can see from that that they are actually pretty small.

Talking of the signature: The funniest thing to me about this IS the signature. Because I was so rusty I didn’t even know how to write it anymore :DDD You can compare it to the signature in the other drawings because in them it’s better. Why it’s so funny to me is because it should say “Aada” but it looks more like “Hella” which means “stove” in Finnish.

***

Next one was something I saw in my head and wanted to draw - I think this one was also done without sketching it at first:

Kinda simple, right? :D I just wanted to draw something with heavy shadows and they’re meant to be watching TV at night. I guess it came out pretty okay.

***

The next two I drew based on one of my old fanfics I wrote years and years ago. I’m a bit annoyed that I decied to draw these into my SKETCHBOOK when I could have used just paper I use for drawing but I guess I didn’t know yet where I was going to end up with these and drew them into the sketchbook because of that. I thought I didn’t sketch these at first but I have found photos of these with sketched with pencil so that means I started sketching my drawings at this point.

So, back to the fanfic, it’s one of the longer ones I wrote (but still not that long even) and set to happen in the late 80s. There was some drama in the story because of Bela’s drug use and Farin was very harsh and Bela left altogether. For some time they had no idea where each of them were but then one very rainy night they both were on a walk at the same time and happened to stumble upon each other for the first time in weeks or so. I can still see those scenes so vividly in my head and here’s my artistic view over those scenes:

Yes. I love drawing stuff like BRICKS.

I have used my Promarkers with the second image, the paper was not the best for them which is why the black looks awful.

What comes to the image... it really annoys me to look at that because how the FUCK that is something I have drawn? And it’s legit based on something I have written. ME??? Like wtf. My aroace ass just can’t handle me writing/drawing fluff like this. I have days when I need to see fluff more than anything and then have to produce the content because can’t find it from anywhere else and my brain is simultaneously like “flufffff 8))))” and “boohoo whyyyyy how staaaaaph D:” because I am so afraid of being connected to what I draw. Like. If I draw or write fluff, it doesn’t mean I would be a romantic person nor allosexual nor alloromantic, right? Because I can also draw a comic or write a story about a murderer and it doesn’t make me a psychopath either. It’s the exact same thing.

And in fact: I had a comic book character who was called Micro the Insane Murderer because that’s what he was. Also I once wrote a story about a serial killer but she was also insane. But for whatever reason it’s much harder to show people fluff I have written or drawn than my fictional serial killer stuff... I guess people just easier assume that you’re an allo, thanks to anormativity, but usually don’t think you’re a psychopath just because your OC is :D

***

The last one is the comic that has a Halloween theme as it was around Halloween and the person I talked with still wanted to see/read something where Farin is the vampire instead. So here’s something that was my first B/F comic in 7 years. I didn’t remember how to do pretty much anything anymore and the coloring is a bit off, and I was really still just trying to figure out how to do all this again :D

At that point I think my head was still filled with fanfiction stuff so the comic also is full of (hurt/comfort) drama - and a long-ass “backstory”. You can see that from this on I have moved to more humorous stories. Sometimes I draw occassional fluffy comics when I’m really on that weird mood (usually 1-2 days/month thanks to the uterus and hormones), but my main focus is on the humour and I wish to make people laugh.

But that’s about it. I think I have now posted everything here, the newer ones I have posted here after drawing them since 2019 but this post is the “missing link” between those old old comics and the newer stuff :D Then I of course have all the other traditional art like potraits and such I did in 2009-2012 which I have never shown here. Maybe I should post those too?

#mcrmadness draws #my dä comics #my fub comics #my dä drawings #dä fanart #die ärzte #belafarin #my OLD dä fanart

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hydra-collector · 4 years

Text

Let Me Go: Chapter 1

AO3

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

Pairings: Intrulogical

Characters: Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Virgil Sanders, Janus Sanders (minor character)

TW: sucide attempt, self harm, blood, cursing

Words: 1,238

Summary: Logan attempts suicide. His friend Virgil and his partner Remus are there to try and help. Sanders Sides high school AU.

Note: Virgil is cis and aroace. Logan is cis, panromantic and asexual. Remus is nonbinary and gay.

Logan stared at the beads of blood arising from his thighs and calves. He didn’t want this right now. He was all for self-harming at the moment, don’t get him wrong, but he didn’t want the blood. He wanted to hit his arms, his torso, his legs until they bruised black and blue.

But he didn’t have the energy for that.

To be fair, he didn’t have the energy for much of anything. He'd spent the night, and the morning, torturing himself, reminding himself of all the shitty things happening. All the people that hated him. He wished he would die. Other people did, too, according to his Tumblr ask box. But he'd still diligently go to high school when all he needed was a break, talk to his friends even when his depression made it tortuous to fake happiness, ignore the hate on his sexuality and romantic orientation.

He had friends that knew, though. Virgil, who had guessed, Janus, who had also guessed, Remus, who hadn't explicitly talked about it but had obviously guessed (they dropped hints whenever appropriate, or whatever appropriate for them was). They probably didn't think it was this bad, though.

Maybe he should die and they'd know without him having to tell them. He couldn't fucking talk anyway. No one cared about what he said. He hated what he said.

He hated himself.

Better fucking go to school then, not the time to be a disappointment.

He heaved himself to the bathroom, planning to stop the blood and nothing more. He checked the time. 7:43. He was going to be late.

In the time Logan was willing to treat his cuts, (about two minutes) they didn't stop bleeding, but he didn't really care. He had black pants.

Logan anxiously checked his watch throughout the bus ride, arriving four minutes after eight, late. He felt far worse than most days.

For being late?

Virgil greeted him when he walked into the building, but he was far too depressed to say much. His friend knew this was a warning sign, for despite Logan's often introverted or antisocial, even, personality, he was always polite, answering people. Always.

"You doing okay, Lo?"

"Fine," he answered quickly and with tears forming, which he quickly wiped away, fake-cleaning his glasses.

Virgil knew not to push it, at least not now. If he asked him later, after he was calmer, he might be more open.

The pair worked through their classes, Logan avoiding speaking at all costs (as well as doing his work, when he could) while Virgil tried his best to keep tabs on Logan's mood during their shared classes.

Then lunch came.

Virgil figured Logan's mood was a bit better. If not ask him now, he might not get the chance. He had to make sure Logan was okay.

The noise in the cafeteria was drowning when Remus slid in next to Logan, their boyfriend since sophomore year, and hugged his torso, pressing their legs against Logan's. Logan flinched them away, earning a concerned look from Virgil on the opposite booth. Logan shrugged it off, turning his attention to his partner who was now nuzzling his neck and gave them a head kiss.

"Lo? You okay? You usually say stuff, babe."

Virgil stayed behind when the other two headed to get lunch. Logan got it to follow the school rules, while Remus just got it because it was shit (and was also easily mixed together). Virgil prepped himself to confront Logan before he saw it.

Blood. There was blood on Logan's leg.

Shit.

"Logan, is your leg okay?"

He froze sliding into his seat, hand reaching seemingly to feel the exposed part of his ankle, panic emerging on his face before he wiped his hand and attempted to act normally.

"It's nothing, Virgil. I'm fine."

"You sure, babe?" Shit. Now Remus is worried too.

"I-I'm fine, really. Really."

Neither tablemates were convinced.

"Lo, I need to see your leg."

You're so fucking stupid. You could have prevented this. Cleaned it and wrapped it, maybe? Too little energy for that, too?

"Please, Lo. I need to make sure you're okay."

I fucking hate you, Logan.

He reluctantly pulled the dark, bloodied fabric from his calves. This revealed several long cuts that seemed to be still bleeding slightly, and whose blood stained most of his leg.

Virgil stared, almost in fear, at the sight. "We need to get you to the nurse, wrap them up."

"No."

"Logan, please."

"No. They're fine. I don't need to treat them."

"Lo, they're gonna get infected." Remus took Logan's hand, who pulled it away.

"I don't care. I don't care what happens to them. They could fucking kill me. I don't care."

"Babe, it's hurting you."

"Pain is subjective. I'm gonna die anyway. Who fucking cares?" Irritation crept into Logan's eyes.

"Logan, you need to get help!" Virgil was close to tears.

"I don't want it!"

"Don't you want to be happy?"

"I'm not fucking good enough to be happy!"

"Logan, we both care about you so much! Janus too! You're an amazing person and you don't have to feel this way. Please, let us help."

"No."

"We can't let you die from this!"

"I WANT TO FUCKING DIE, VIRGIL!"

He slumped back on the bench, shoving his pant leg down. Virgil had nothing else he could say to help Logan. Remus offered their hand to Logan, who at first refused it but then moved closer to them to receive a hug. He kissed Remus's cheek before leaving the booth and offering Virgil a hug as well. He took it before Logan left the booth entirely.

"I'm sorry. I love you guys, too."

He walked over to Janus’s table and presumably did the same thing.

"Logan?"

He didn't answer, but instead kept walking away. Virgil and Remus watched him as he left the cafeteria. The pair decided to follow him.

Logan walked up the stairs faster than Virgil or Remus did. Up the stairs. Further up the stairs. And further.

"Oh my god. Logan, wait!"

He ignored Virgil's pleas and began to run, Virgil following. Further until he reached the fence barring him and the roof. He climbed over it easily, while Virgil in his panic struggled to get his legs over. Remus offered their help, but not before Logan had reached the spot they couldn't see from there.

"Logan, please," Virgil called in a last desperate attempt to get him to listen.

They ran up the stairs to the roof to find Logan already standing on the edge.

Virgil ran faster than he ever had.

Remus lagged behind, as their legs weren't as long as Virgil's. Still, they ran as fast as possible.

Logan knew he'd have to jump now. He drew in a last breath and stepped over.

Logan found himself in Virgil's arms, instead. His terrified face was beautiful.

He remembered why he was there. He began squirming, trying to be released from Virgil's grip.

"Let me go!"

"No, Logan."

"You'll fall too! I can't let you fucking die."

"Come back, please."

He continued to fight Virgil. Remus stepped in to take Logan by the torso, pulling him closer to solid ground. Remus was stronger than Virgil, but not Logan. Tears streamed down his face, his whole body reaching to be free. Remus held on, held on, they tried, they swear they tried-

“I love you.”

And Logan was free.

#sanders sides #sanders side fic #logan sanders #remus sanders #intrulogical #virgil sanders #ts logan #ts remus #ts virgil #tw suicide #tw cursing #tw self harm #tw food #ts logan angst #logan angst #depressed logan sanders #depressed logan #grays fics #let me go

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lostnfinding · 4 years

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aroace Eva Sanchez

feat. qpp Kate Dalton

in honour of asexual week, i thought id do a little peojection aroace Eva content. may turn into a fic, may not, who knows. who am i kidding, this is mainly Kateva qpr, enjoy me projecting into fictional characters yet again

Eva's really casual about being aroace. she never really came out, she just started spreading pride flags everywhere and that was that

Kate once asked her if she listened to girl in red and she just replies with “no i listen to Will Jay|Moses Sumney”

Kate went to listen to both of them as soon as she got home and her brain just went “oh”

Eva just doesnt understand how being in love feels, and she`s okay with that

when Kate gets a crush on Eva she freaks out and pushes away bc she doesnt wanna make Eva uncomfortable

Eva gets a little confused and thinks she did something wrong so she doesnt push Kate to talk to her

eventually Eva just feels really overwhelmed and goes talk to Kate

Kate explains the situation and Eva just says “Kate Dalton has a crush on me? I’m honoured”

Kate blushes a lot

“so you dont hate me?” “why would i hate you?”

from then on the two start getting closer

Eva was very affectionate with most people, and Kate tried to hide that she was secreatly a softy

that resulted in random gestures of affection that turned into constant affection

people who didnt knew them thought they were dating

Kate got a little awkward and Eva just chuckled and denied

they trusted each other with their secrets, their nightmares and fears

Eva loved that. she loved being so close to Kate and cuddling

so she started to question her sexuallity yet again

she freaks out for a while because questioning is Confusing

but she remembers queerplatonic attraction and her mind just goes "yes"

but she also gets nervous because there has been a while that Kate told her she had a crush on her

so she pulled herself together and started to hint some things

giving Kate more affection and checking on her a bit more often

until it was sort of an unspoken thing they had

and Kate was a bit conflicted until she heard Eva mention something about a qpr someone was in

and somehow they both had the same idea

they came to an agreement of trying a qpr and they both couldn't be happier

#idk much about qprs even tho i really want one #but id anyone does know more feel free to add #also feel free to add if you want to #:D #kateva #eva sanchez #eva watt #kate watt #kate dalton #we are the tigers #we are the tigers headcanons

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angelofthequeers · 3 years

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hi, i was making an aroace sapphic character and wondered if you could give me any tips? :)

I can sure try! If anyone is uncomfortable with semi-explicit talk about sex (in terms of smutty writing and vague personal anecdotes) then feel free to skip over the asexuality part. I’m mostly going to talk about my own experiences as an aroace sapphic to try and offer more depth than just generic character advice. And this is my experience; not every aroace is the same. I’ll also refer to your character with she/her pronouns but they might not be the ones that she uses, so I apologise in advance if that’s the case.

So this is assuming that she’s fully aroace instead of, like, somewhere else on the aro and ace spectra (such as demisexual or greyromantic). I direct you to look up oriented, angled, and electio aroace to get a better idea of ways in which this entire package of aro, ace, and sapphic might come together - you don’t have to use or adhere to these labels but they do provide handy information in case you want a better understanding for your character. Basically:

Asexual

I don’t experience sexual attraction (or if I do and I’m demi like I first thought, I sure as hell haven’t noticed it yet). I never look at someone and think “hmm, they’re so physically hot and I want to smash them specifically”. A lot of my smutty writing was heavily influenced by other people’s smut at the start because, like...I didn’t know what was supposed to be hot. I didn’t inherently know what to describe when writing sex scenes. I had to rely a lot on other people and put together what they found “hot” in terms of physical descriptions of bodies because I don’t feel that kind of draw to people. Back when I was into Supernatural, everyone always went nuts over Misha Collins’ hipbones and I was like...yeah, they’re nice aesthetically because they stick out and they’d probably be sharp and cool to touch, and I incorporated that into my writing by often focusing on Castiel’s hipbones from Dean’s perspective. But I truly didn’t understand why they were considered so attractive. I wasn’t physically drawn to any part of Misha or Castiel (apart from things like his hair and eyes, and even then it wasn’t a sexual draw) and I had to absorb what parts allosexual writers found hot and then translate that into my own writing. I claimed to have a crush on Brendon Urie when I was 16 purely so I wouldn’t look like a “freak” to the other girls in my year, and I made that claim based on my aesthetic draw to his looks and assuming that that was what sexual attraction had to be.

(Look up aesthetic attraction. It’ll blow your mind once you realise that you can be drawn to people without it being sexual in any way. This is a very good definition of it).

And it’s important to separate libido (sex drive) and attraction (the draw to specific people) because a lot of aces can have an average to high libido and even sleep with people but just...not feel sexually drawn to anyone. So in the case of your character, you have to decide whether she’s going to have no libido and/or is squicked by the concept of sex, or if she’s got a higher libido and is drawn to the concept of sex, or anything in between. Me personally? My libido and my draw to the concept of sex fluctuates - sometimes it’s as high as what you’d expect from a typical allosexual, sometimes even the vague idea makes me cringe and my engine is flat - but I’m never attracted to anyone specifically. That lack of attraction is what makes me ace, because you can also get allosexual people (non-asexuals) whose libido and relationship with sex is like this.

There’s that misconception that ace people are pure virgins who cringe at the very idea of being touched and sure, some ace people are sex-repulsed and touch-averse, but a lot of us aren’t. Some of us might enjoy sex as a bonding activity in the same way that you’d enjoy yoga or another form of exercise; it’s nice and feels good, but it’s not exactly our highest priority and we could go without it for a good while if we wanted. Some of us actively enjoy sex and initiate it often. Some of us are okay with one-night stands because we’re not attracted to anyone specifically and just want the sex. Some of us don’t want to do it with someone else but enjoy some self-love every now and then, whether as stress relief or because that’s just the kind of sex we enjoy. Some of us are okay with touching someone sexually but don’t want that touch reciprocated.

Even if you’re not planning on putting your character into a sexual situation, it’s handy to figure out her relationship to sex and touch because that can give her another dimension, such as where does she draw the line with touching? At what point does she see it as going from non-sexual to sexual? What kind of touch does she crave? Does she not want any touch at all, either because she hates it or because she’s afraid that it’ll inevitably stray into sexual touching? I crave touch because I’m a very tactile person, but when I’m touching someone who’s not a family member, I’m always uncomfortably aware of how one tiny shift in position or one slide of a hand can make things stray out of my comfort zone and send the wrong message. And I hate it when people unexpectedly draw me into contact, such as someone suddenly hugging me. That could also be a dimension of my autism, but I do feel that my asexuality plays a part because touch from a family member of mine is always different to that of anyone else.

Aromantic

And then we come to romantic attraction. I...don’t know what that is. I mean, I do know what it is in theory, but where’s the line between platonic attraction and romantic? Some of us aros might enjoy romantic-coded things like kissing, yet not feel that romantic draw to a specific person. And what makes these things romantic in the first place? Dates are just a hang-out between people where you get to know them better. Kissing can be a sexual thing, and many one-night stands or friends with benefits kiss without it being romantic. Family members cuddle. Friends compliment each other’s appearances. All of these things can potentially be reshaped to remove the romantic element, and that’s what makes it so confusing for me personally to figure out wtf romantic attraction is.

Just like with asexuality, we can range from romance-repulsed to craving a relationship that’s romantic in nature. Some of us are okay with being in a romantic relationship with a friend who’s attracted to us in that way because we want increased intimacy and don’t mind it taking on a romantic tone. Some of us freak out when a friend confesses to us. Some of us don’t really want or don’t care for a romantic relationship but want to not look like an outsider to alloromantics. Some of us do it for the tax benefits.

(But in all seriousness, the world is currently heavily skewed in favour of romance. Some places only accept your next-of-kin if they’re legally family i.e. your spouse, and just being their good friend won’t cut it. Capitalism makes it so that we basically have to live with others to survive in certain places because living alone is inaccessible. Marriage comes with certain benefits that other relationships don’t. Queerplatonic relationships can be just as deep as romantic ones and incorporate everything that romantic ones do yet in a deromanticised way, yet they’re not seen as valid. Look up alterous attraction to see how love and attraction can be so deep and yet something that doesn’t slot neatly into romantic or platonic. Once you start seeing all this, you just can’t stop).

I had a month-long online relationship with a girl back in 2017 and I thought I was feeling romantic attraction. I was giddy to talk to her, I had 7-hour phone calls when I normally had anxiety around phone calls, I felt good and happy when she sent me selfies...but there was something about the relationship that I couldn’t put my finger on. I thought at the time that it was just because it being online meant that I didn’t have the physical intimacy (like cuddling) and that affected it, but now I realise that I’m aro and I was trying to force myself into this idea of an ideal relationship because I didn’t know that you could be close and not be romantic partners. I still talk to her and we’re still close, but there’s so much less pressure and panic now that I’m not trying to force myself to be attracted to her in a way that I think I should be. But I’m still drawn to her in a way that I’m not drawn to men and in a way that’s not just platonic, which is why I call myself sapphic aroace. And even if I figure out whether I am drawn to men as well, it still feels...different. More on that later on in this ask. But it’s basically why I just call myself queer and why I’ve given up on trying to find the Perfect Microlabel for myself, because I never will.

So regarding your character, the first thing to do is figure out where exactly she sits on the aromantic spectrum. Is she fully aro? Does she feel romantic attraction once in a blue moon, and who does she feel it towards? How close would she have to be to someone to feel that attraction? Does she constantly question what romantic attraction is, or does she not even care what it is? Does she want a romantic relationship, or does she crave close friendship? Does she not understand where that boundary between close friendship and romance is? How would she react if a friend confessed romantic feelings to her? Is she okay with doing things like cuddling, or does she fear that it’ll be misread as romantic? How does she react when people tell her to stop flirting or otherwise imply that she is? Can she tell when others are flirting with her? What even is love at first sight? Why is romantic love so much more important than platonic or familial or any other form? Why are people so obsessed with finding The One™? Why can stories only be relatable/attractive/amazing/etc. if there’s a romantic relationship in them? Why are the ‘greatest love stories of all time’ romantic? Why can’t those greatest love stories be between friends? What do you do when you’ve got a wlw or mlm relationship and you want to offer this representation but don’t want to feel pressured to make them romantic just because of that? Why even is love itself seen as such an important thing, like we’re inhuman robots if we don’t love someone in any way? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Like I said, once you start questioning this stuff, you can’t stop. That was basically my raw thought process while I was writing that paragraph, and that last one about the wlw/mlm relationships is my current struggle with my original characters).

Sapphic

So, tying in a sapphic draw with being aroace, I once again urge you to look up oriented aroaces, along with angled and electio. I recommend starting here and here. Basically, what we feel isn’t romantic or sexual, and it might not be just platonic, but it’s something. It’s something important enough that we feel like it’s a key part of our identity because it shapes how we interact with people and it might make us feel separate enough from aroaces or aspec people that we start to question ourselves and where we belong. Going back to an aro who might crave or be okay with a romantic relationship or an ace who might be into sex, they might be an oriented aroace who wants this partnership with someone they love or wants sexual experiences with only those who would fall under her sapphic attraction umbrella. In the case of your character, how does her sapphicness interact with her aroaceness? How does her attraction to women or woman-aligned people differ from her attraction to those who aren’t included in the sapphic umbrella? (Look up non-binary sapphics, for example). Does she feel like she has to call herself sapphic/a romantic-oriented term and leave herself open to potential relationships because she doesn’t want to be alone, or does she genuinely feel that attraction? Once you add in the aroace dimensions, it changes the gay/bi/pan/etc. dimension to something that can’t just be defined as “attracted to this gender” and it’s something you have to think about to know how your character would interact with different people in different circumstances.

Good luck with your character! Don’t hesitate to ask if you need any more help 😊

#ask #aotq answers #aromantic #asexual #sapphic #aroace #oriented aroace #sexuality #cw sex mention #just to be on the safe side #aroace character #writing help #character help

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pridebooks · 4 years

Photo

Guess who actually read a book again!!!!

so have my immediate post-book ramble because otherwise i won’t say anything

I really liked The Lightness of Hands!! It was interesting and the characters were all wonderful, and serious discussions fit into the story naturally! It never felt like a serious discussion was stuffed in for no reason, and there was maybe one line that felt a little preachy, but it was from a Dramatic character so I think that’s allowed. I’m pretty sure already that it’s going to be another comfort book of mine, which is a title currently held by 2 other books total - including Symptoms of Being Human

More under the read more because i ramble a lot when i ramble, and it’s a lil incoherent probably because i should really be sleeping

There’s something about Jeff Garvin’s writing that is very special to me. I don’t know what it is, but since I first got Symptoms, I’ve been able to read it even when my attention span was horrible. It’s been a book that whenever I pick it up, for any reason, I end up reading at least part of it. Coming back to Riley is safe.

I was sort of expecting that to not be true for The Lightness of Hands, just because I know one author’s work can widely vary. But it was. It’s just as much of a comfort, it grasped my attention just as well (I was able to read it in under 4 hours even with a couple breaks to talk to people about things that excited me - it’s a 380 page book not counting the author’s note etc).

I really want to read these books back-to-back someday, to compare Riley and Ellie and to compare the stories and characters. Right now, I think that this book did better with characters and story, as would be expected when comparing an author’s first book and second book, but I absolutely adore both books. I also want to compare them because there are certain things that are definitely shared with the main characters. A few months ago, Jeff Garvin tweeted - I can’t find it now, but I recall it very clearly - that he was diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2017. Which is after Symptoms came out. A lot of how he wrote Ellie’s depression/”down” times reminded me very strongly of Riley, and I have absolutely no doubts that his undiagnosed bipolar impacted exactly how he wrote Riley’s depression.

What’s interesting for me is that I read Symptoms shortly after it came out, and now have read The Lightness of Hands right after it came out, so I’m thinking about it with nobody else’s input on it, with no prior knowledge of quotes, references, or plot points. Knowing them wouldn’t have ruined anything, I just think it’s fun. I also think it’s fun that this is one author who I’ve read both their books pretty much as soon as I possibly could after they came out, which isn’t common for me. We’re a very paperback household. Our bookshelves were literally custom made to fit paperbacks better (before I was born). Yet, here I am.

I did keep waiting for someone from Symptoms to show up - Ellie’s best friend Ripley is from Park Hills, where Symptoms is set, and was slightly disappointed when nobody did, but that’s okay. I just like little Treats like that.

Something I really appreciated in this book was Ripley. I fucking adored Ripley. Holy crap. I’ve had Harry Potter on my brain lately (the hp wandlore is very fun and if you want to know about it please ask), but then Jeff just had to go and put more harry potter in there. Ripley is canonically a Hufflepuff (like me!!) and we’re pretty similar in general honestly? He’s a better hacker than me (as in: i dont know shit) and we look different, but otherwise?? Same hat. I would love to have Ripley as a friend. And while I had those 2 thoughts completely separately, it made me realize that means I’d want me as a friend, and that’s a very comforting thought. Basically what happened here is that Jeff Garvin tricked me into saying good things about myself?

Seeing an ace character isn’t That special for me anymore - I can currently put my hands on at least 5 books with ace characters. But this is the first one with an ace guy who is clearly stated to be ace. Or.. sort of the second? In Radio Silence by Alice Oseman, Aled is demisexual, but I think of him as nonbinary, because I got those Vibes and Alice has said he probably figures out he’s nonbinary at some point in the future, so I don’t think of him in the “ace boys” category? Anyway, the other 2 I have are both from one author and are questioning & ambiguous, and only one mentions asexual as a possibility. So an explicitly ace guy is a big deal for me (an ace guy).

I also adore that Ripley wears an ace ring!! Especially because I almost do (I got a ring but it doesn’t fit on my middle finger so it’s on my ring finger where it does fit and the black was actually just a coating but I like it better this way, it’s complicated, it’s a star trek ring, it says “infinite diversity in infinite combinations” in vulcan, I’m a nerd.), and because ace rings are simultaneously our most well known signal and something that relatively few aces know about? I would’ve appreciated if it was explicitly stated that it was an ace ring, but as Ellie is the narrator it’s entirely possible that she didn’t know, so she couldn’t tell us. And he’s still wearing it!! It’s something that a lot of aces will see and be very excited about!

Honestly, I remember back when Jeff posted an ask about this book back in late 2018, telling us what he could about it. we got Female protagonist, ace bff, road trip. And I was seriously expecting the friend to be another girl. Largely because so many books will have any boy and girl who are friends end up being romantically involved. But nope!! A wonderful ace dude bff. I’m pretty sure Ripley is aroace based on what he said, but either he just calls himself ‘ace’ or that bit never came up? Assuming he is aroace, I would’ve liked to see his aro-ness as explicitly stated as his ace-ness, but that’s also mostly on me.

I don’t know what i’m even really saying anymore so goodnight!! I had a great time with the book, it’s brought me great comfort and joy already, and I hope it can bring you the same.

#books #the lightness of hands #jeff garvin #ace books #asexual #ace boys

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babblable · 3 years

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10, 67 & 68 for all 3 of your lovely characters!

Okay this got long as hecc but I AM CRYING IN THIS CHILIS TONIGHT GDI I HAVE SOMFT BRAINROT BC OF THIS HOW DARE- (I love you, Vwild XD) Be warned though, there is some angst here.

10. Do they often Lie? What causes them to be dishonest?

I'm gonna start with Gibbs on this one, because out of all of them, he's the most naive and trusting.

PEKKIT: Another one who doesn't care for lying! The guy has nothing to hide, but he also doesn't talk much either and it can be hard to read him with his deadpan, tired dad expression, lazy behavior and voice. That being said, he's honest when he speaks. Most of it is rather blunt and often times it's at the wrong time. There have been instances though where he's told riddle truths or vague truths that are so natural, you don't even see the answer until it's almost burning you alive! And that... isn't on purpose either. It was a natural answer for him. To him, he was being as honest as usual.

GIBBS: Like I said, he's the most naive and trusting and he expects honesty out of said trust. In turn, he himself is.... usually honest. He hates lying to loved ones so much that instead OF lying, he chose to jump off a cliff. a wise choice? no. Did he think about or understand what he was doing? Also no. But to him, it made more sense than hurting a friend with a lie and that whole ordeal taught him(for the moment) that maybe the truth isn't so bad. Certainly hurts less that water after an 80ft drop.

That said, if needed, it's been shown that he can and WILL lie. Even in ways that make him so pecking uncomfortable that it hurts. I. E. Posing as a rockin' 80s woman and flirting with the captain of the jailhouse.

On that same coin though, he can't seem to do so for very long. At least when it comes to having to flirt to keep up the act. His old AroAce ass got fed up with that so quick that he practically possessed me to smack the captain with his hammer.

GIBBS: Got he's an idiot- He'll laugh at damn near anything, even jokes he doesn't understand.

AJAXX: Mmm... Ajaxx, out of all three of them, is a dirty liar. When it comes to *one* thing. Now, that's not to say it's because they want to be! They have been trying and failing to tell the truth about this one thing for 20 years! But... they can't. They don't know why they can't and they thought they'd be able to after the GR sank, but no. Oh nooo no no... It only got *worse* after she sank. Now they shut down. They choke. They feel sick. With no plausible explaination! When the opportunity to tell the truth passes, they feel better physically, but the guilt and the sadness and the anger take over then.. They've been begging to tell the truth, pleading. But the truth won't come out...

They believe that silence is the worst lie of all. Both parties are going to be hurting in ways the other couldn't fathom.

67. What makes them laugh?

PEKKIT: He doesn't laugh so much as he snorts or does that little puff of air in amusement, but give him a dad joke and you might get that!

GIBBS: Gibbs has lived a long, long, loooong time and his memories don't last anymore... but at the moment? Holding hands with Murmur when they went looking for Mr. Mantis. It's such a small gesture, but to him, that means the world and it will stick in his memory for centuries to come.

AJAXX: Admittedly they can be a giggle monster. It's rare right now, but after a thing happens, gods... I can't wait to have been be a bubbly birb again.

One thing that always makes them lose it though? Abbigull doing a pacman face and making funny noises. Sends them into a giggle fit every time and has since they were real little.

68. What was the best moment of their life?

PEKKIT: Falling into the Infernal Plane Pit. Meeting Lute is a mega close second, but after what'd he'd been through before The Pit, it's hard to beat the relief and safety he felt back then.

AJAXX: I can say with full confidence it would be meeting Abbigull. She gave them the first loving touch they ever had and that moment has stuck like glue ever since, even if it's in the shadows of the pain rn. They love her so much and always look forward to spending time with her.

#ajaxx mackeller #gibbs #pekkit #leeym answers asks #tw: angst #just a bit

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