(tldr: op’s rambling and unhinged thoughts on Amok Time)

“I will do what I must, T'Pau, but not with him. His blood does not burn. He is my friend.”

as much as we all love a good fuck-or-die spin on pon farr, there’s something about the original episode—and this line in particular—that hits a different way (for context, this line is after kirk becomes t’pring’s challenger but before he learns the fight is to the death)

like—what if you loved someone so much you would surface from your madness, if just for a moment, to plead for your friend to be spared? what if you loved someone so much you would beg an exception from traditions passed down from the beginning of time so they wouldn’t be harmed?

while the framing of this episode is the classic “fuck or die,” the main heart of the conflict ends up being more akin to “kill or die” when spock’s condition, originally only dangerous for himself, puts kirk in mortal danger as well and the plot becomes “how do they both get out of this alive and unharmed?”

and there’s something powerful in that sentiment, in fighting to save someone despite all the trappings of biology and tradition, that makes this a romantic moment more so than the other aspects of the episode, because if you look at it objectively, pon farr is awful, with both your consent and bodily autonomy taken away from you (eventually, there’s the third path with kirk’s fake-out-death that resolves the conflict, but the issues of this situation still remain)

so for me, as someone sliding vaguely around the scale but usually somewhere around gray-ace, it’s the depth and strength of caring in this quote that really stuck with me after the episode—it’s love, it’s obviously and undeniably love, but it fights against the trappings of the situation, and that’s something that you don’t often see outside the episode

(don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of fics that chose this theme that are well-written and enjoyable, but there can be this amatonormativite idea that sex and/or romantic connection are the only possible solutions when love exists in infinite forms, none of which are higher of lesser for their nature. for example—the original episode, due to the era in which it was written and the showrunners not intentionally writing spirk as romantic, comes off now as more of an asexual/qpr situation, but in my ideal hypothetical universe with explicit romance between the two, the resolution between the two could still be the same as in the original for reasons stated above)

Learning that fans hated Applejack and called her "boring" is crazyyy to me because I genuinely, unironically believe AJ's the most complex character in the main six.

Backstory-wise, she was born into a family of famers/blue collar workers who helped found the town she lives in. She grew up a habitual liar until she had the bad habit traumatized outta her. She lost both her parents and was orphaned at a young age, having to step up as her baby sister's mother figure. She's the only person in the main gang who's experienced this level of loss and grief (A Royal Problem reveals that AJ dreams about memories of being held by her parents as a baby). She moved to Manhattan to live with her wealthy family members, only to realize she'll never fit in or be accepted, even amongst her own family. The earlier seasons imply she and her family had money problems too (In The Ticket Master, AJ wants to go to the gala to earn money to buy new farm equipment and afford hip surgery for her grandma).

Personality-wise, she's a total people-pleaser/steamroller (with an occasional savior complex) who places her self worth on her independence and usefulness for other people, causing her to become a complete workaholic. In Applebuck Season, AJ stops taking care of herself because of her obsessive responsibilities for others and becomes completely dysfunctional. In Apple Family Reunion, AJ has a tearful breakdown because in she thinks she dishonored her family and tarnished her reputation as a potential leader –– an expectation and anxiety that's directly tied to her deceased parents, as shown in the episode's ending scene. In The Last Roundup, AJ abandons her family and friends out of shame because believes she failed them by not earning 1st place in a rodeo competition. She completely spirals emotionally when she isn't able to fulfill her duties toward others. Her need to be the best manifests in intense pride and competitiveness when others challenge her. And when her pride's broken, she cowers and physically hides herself.

Moreover, it's strongly implied that AJ has a deep-seated anger. The comics explore her ranting outbursts more. EQG also obviously has AJ yelling at and insulting Rarity in a jealous fit just to hurt her feelings (with a line that I could write a whole dissection on). And I'm certain I read in a post somewhere that in a Gameloft event, AJ's negative traits are listed as anger.

Subtextually, a lot of these flaws and anxieties can be (retroactively) linked to her parents' death, forcing her to grow up too quickly to become the adult/caregiver of the family (especially after her big brother becomes semiverbal). Notice how throughout the series, she's constantly acting as the "mom friend" of the group (despite everything, she manages to be the most emotionally mature of the bunch). Notice how AJ'll switch to a quieter, calmer tone when her friends are panicking and use soothing prompts and questions to talk them through their emotions/problems; something she'd definitely pick up while raising a child. Same with her stoicism and reluctance at crying or releasing emotions (something Pinkie explicitly points out). She also had a childhood relationship with Rara (which, if you were to give a queer reading, could easy be interpreted as her first 'aha' crush), who eventually left her life. (Interestingly enough, AJ also has an angry outburst with Rara for the same exact reasons as with EQG Rarity; jealous, upset that someone else is using and changing her). It's not hard to imagine an AJ with separation anxiety stemming from her mother and childhood friend/crush leaving. I'm also not above reading into AJ's relationship with her little sister (Y'all ever think about how AB never got to know her parents, even though she shares her father's colors and her mother's curly hair?).

AJ's stubbornness is a symptom of growing up too quickly as well. Who else to play with your baby sister when your brother goes nonverbal (not to discount Big Mac's role in raising AB)? Who else to wake up in the middle of the night to care for your crying baby sister when your grandma needs her rest? When you need to be 100% all the time for your family, you tend to become hard-stuck with a sense of moral superiority. You know what's best because you have to be your best because if you're aren't your best, then everything'll inevitably fall apart and it'll be your fault. And if you don't know what's best –– if you've been wrong the whole time –– that means you haven't been your best, which means you've failed the people who rely on you, which means you can't fulfill your role in the family/society, which makes you worthless . We've seen time and time again how this compulsive need to be right for the sake of others becomes self-destructive (Apple Family Reunion, Sound of Silence, all competitions against RD). We've seen in The Last Roundup how, when no longer at her best, AJ would rather remove herself from her community than confront them because she no longer feels of use to them.

But I guess it is kinda weird that AJ has "masculine" traits and isn't interested in men at all. It's totally justified that an aggressively straight, misogynistic male fandom would characterize her as a "boring background character." /s

At the time of writing this, it's 4:46AM.

yes I'm writing a sci-fi novel why do you ask

something something giant isopod sharing is caring pass the detritus

inprnt

This is so funny to me. Reducing them down to their simplest attributes. Turning them into symbols.

It’s been a minute, (both post wise and design wise) so decided to update the fam + a couple additions compared to last time

recks cleo !

she's a human btw, not a robot teehee ^_^

my clown college grad project from december last year 🎪

Muppet fact of the day: One of the Muppet show's pilot episodes was called "The Muppet Show: Sex and Violence", but the Muppets are owned by Disney now and Disney really doesn't like the word "sex" so they insist on just calling it "the Muppet Show Pilot"

anyway reblog this forbidden image of Jim Henson in front of the Sex and Violence title card to make Disney mad

It's always funny when an author on ao3 that I subscribed to for a specific fandom starts posting fics for another fandom that I'm also in. Especially niche ones. Great minds think alike I guess.

*MC and Solomon are being interviewed about their relationship*

Solomon: I’m definitely the one that’s in charge in the relationship.

MC:*rolling their eyes* Solo, stand up.

Solomon:*stands up*

MC: Sit down.

Solomon:*sits down*

MC: Look at me.

Solomon:*grinning like a fool, and turning to look at MC*

MC: Good boy~

Solomon:*blushing and clearing his throat* As I was saying, watch this! My star, could you please go fetch my spell book?

MC: Of course.

Solomon: See, MC would do anything for me!

Mephisto:*regretting the whole interview*…..this was pointless.

Pac: I'm not going to say anything to you guys [Chat], I'm not going to say anything to you. I'm not saying absolutely anything, I'm not going to comment. Man, you broke me here, you broke me in 3 parts! I'm not going to- no no no no no, I won't fall for your game, I won't fall for your game.*

Pac's chat allows viewers to make music requests, which led to this very well-timed moment today where Careless Whisper started playing as soon as Pac met back up with Fit.

* [Approximate translation. I'm not a native Portuguese speaker, so as always, please feel free to let me know if there's a better way to translate things!]

day 260 Swampert

buy stickers, commission a pokemon, or support me on kofi!

this is so dumb and cheesy I'm sorry lmao happy valentine's day! 💖

I cannot express enough that if your reaction, as a hobby artist, to not getting that many notes on your art is to say "maybe I should just stop doing art altogether" you need to stop posting art to tumblr

not necessarily forever, not even for long, but just stop putting your art on here and start doing it for you again, remember why you enjoyed doing art in the first place and stop relying on the attention of faceless people on the internet for your enjoyment of your hard work

believe me, I get it, nothing crushes the artistic soul quite like labouring for hours on a piece only for it to get like 10 notes, so you need to find your own source of joy in the act of creation and a lot of the time that means making art and not showing it to anybody