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#but now my struggle is
noxtivagus · 2 years
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a different kind of pain when songs remind you of memories T_T
#🌙.rambles#this one i'm listening to rn as i start writing this#i rmber listening to a lot when i missed someone#a friend on ffxiv that i ended up really enjoying talking to#i rmber for that whole week we spent considerable time together n#i grew attached i guess. it's been ages since we last talked but i think i'll never forget him#the next one here on my queue is smth i hear from a friend a lot bcs she rlly likes the band#these memories ache so much. remembrance really hurts#that aside#i'm doing rather well tonight compared to other days#but now my struggle is#how do i help others.#sometimes i'm absolutely fucking shit when it comes to words n comfort n showing that i care n i'm listening#but it's not like i can#idk pat someone's head or hold their hand or hug them through a fucking screen T_T#yk complimenting others really makes me happy#the words i say really come from my heart. so. yeah#earlier i was cheering a friend on n#i think she's pretty insecure bcs she sees herself as weird#i told her i loved her weird self either way. no matter what. bcs she's my friend n i love her#in that convo she said at some point that she personally doesn't find me weird tho. n she called me cool#i. uhm. >///< FUCK WHENEVER PPL TELL ME STUFF ABT MYSELF N HOW THEY SEE ME#UWAHH!!?! 🥺🫠 my poor heart#i rmber months ago when i comforted same said person she#she wrote smth to me back n said. she loves how dependable i am#🥹 having words written back to me means sm to me#anyways she's like a sister to me i love her so much i hope she doesn't see this bcs that's embarrassing but#really in short. if i've really let you in my life then goddamn you have no idea how much you mean to me#i'm incredibly loyal n passionate about loving so. yeah.#i want the best for the people i love n it's just enough for me to be able to contribute to that even a little
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abracadaze · 2 years
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i feel so bad for nikola tesla like imagine spending years beefing with a guy who has conned the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and you end up dying broke and starving and alone and then 100 years later another guy cons the public into believing he's some sort of supergenius when in reality it's his overworked employees developing all of his world-changing inventions and he's doing it all IN YOUR NAME. he must be rolling in his grave like a fucking rotisserie chicken
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magentasnail · 9 months
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drawing is hard so i tried to illustrate my struggles as video game bosses
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majunju · 6 months
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it took march 10 minutes to take this photo (they did not understand how to pose their hands)
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rheakira · 4 months
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I like them a normal amount.
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araekniarchive · 10 months
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@mnvart // Kaveh Akbar, 'Calling A Wolf A Wolf' // @PinkRangerLB on Twitter // @kosmogrl // @devinsturk, '15 Proverbs for the Fellow Chronically Ill' // Jasmine Deporta // Anaïs Nin, House of Incest // the gentle wisdom uquiz by @inkskinned // Rora Blue, 'Sweet Dreams' // Hala Alyan, Dear Layal
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i-wanna-hug · 1 month
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redrew the most important frame from the p3 movies
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angelnet23 · 2 months
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falin from dungeon meshi doodle
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sorry guys they finally showed me peak fiction . Its called “phantom of the paradise”
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schizopositivity · 2 years
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i see reminders to take your meds all the time and thats great but heres your reminder to get your meds refilled! to call your pharmacy! to pick up your refills while the pharmacy is still open! you cant take whats not there, its super important that you stay on top of getting your refills
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turrondeluxe · 9 months
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I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM!!!!🗣️💥💥💥
commission for @/chamomila_tea_ on insta!
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inkskinned · 11 months
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 4 months
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Happy Year of the Dragon!
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rottmnt-residuum · 5 months
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Part 11 of Arc II (Part 37)
huzzah! exposition be upon ye
⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾ (censored) | ⇾ (gore)
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jackfuckingtwist · 29 days
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— I'm doing what I can, okay? Just...trust me. Please.
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lolorenoca · 22 days
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without you i'm nothing 🥀
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