#but never doubt that I will finish this fic. I’m not abandoning nothing I’m just really. really slow
Note
can we get a snippet of the next chapter of tbhtbh, queen?
My bros it has been 84 years but I swear to god it’s getting done one day. Have this and my eternal thanks for your praise and patience in the meantime.
A few hours earlier, when the light falling through the windows had been muddled sunlight instead, Darcy had come to her.
The witch had stood in the middle of the room, seemingly alone to anyone who merely glanced inside. Her back straight, her eyes downcast.
“You knew.”
It's a rasp, barely more than a whisper. She doesn’t recognize her own voice, but Darcy hears her anyway. Still, she doesn’t turn towards Bloom, hidden in the shadows of her corner as she is.
“I know many things,” Darcy says evenly. Composed. But there's a small, narrow edge of defiance there, too, something almost childishly deflective.
Bloom doesn’t look up either.
“You knew about Andros. You knew about his plan.”
Her hand clamped over the side of her neck tightens.
“His mark.”
She opens her eyes.
“My friends.”
Darcy has her back turned towards her. If there's any emotion at all on her face, genuine or false as it may be, Bloom cannot see it. The witch runs a dark blonde strand of hair through her fingers and stays silent.
Then:
“I advised you not to give him the excuse, didn’t I?”
“You advised me to give up. In more flowery words, maybe.”
“I told you, Bloom. You're not my priority here.”
She breathes out. Leans her head back against the wall and pulls her knees closer, as if there's any comfort in that.
“Was it your idea?”
“No. But I would have suggested it to him, if it had been.”
She steps towards the window, stares down at the frozen surface of Domino beneath them. Or would stare down at it, if it weren’t hidden by the eternal clouds surrounding the tower.
“He's toyed with the idea since before we even found you, I think. But I don’t think he considered it… urgent, until you were shot.”
She crosses her arms. Dignified or defensive, or maybe a mix of both.
“Your friends weren't as careful as you. Icy figured out they were involved on Icthos, and from then on it really was just a matter of making the right people believe the right thing. He's good at that, you know.”
She does know.
On the other side of the room, backlit by the cold, harsh daylight, Darcy inclines her head just a little.
“Icy told me he hesitated. For a while, at least. The day before you escaped.”
Her nails dig into her skin, and her memory seems to taunt her, snippets of half-heard conversations floating through her head. Things she'd found confusing, now seeming perfectly clear. So laughably obvious, in hindsight.
“Was there ever a chance he would have stopped, if I'd stayed?”
It's not really a question. There's no answer to it she doesn’t know already.
It's the hollow hope of reassurance, maybe. A demand for confirmation, pointless as it is.
Darcy breathes out a laugh.
“No. Not really, huh?”
She turns around and leans back against the glass, finally facing her.
“Doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t. I still think you would have improved your circumstances a lot, though, if you'd listened.”
There are no circumstances that could have fixed this. The look she throws Darcy says as much.
The other girl sighs.
“Not that it matters now. If there ever was a point to back out, we missed it.”
She walks out as calmly as she'd entered. But she pauses at the door to look back, just for a moment.
“And I don’t dwell on what-if's, Bloom,” the Witch of the Darkest Night says. The shadows of the hallway seem to reach for her, as if to welcome her home.
“I do the best with what I have.”
#asks#fic: to be hunted to be haunted#its arguably the least interesting thing that happens this chapter but it DOES have Darcy so eat and be grateful#if everything goes according to plan you'll get the long overdue Council Hall flashbacks too this time#adhd said Darcy and I said yes ma'am#I am sorry its taking so long idk what it is this time either#but never doubt that I will finish this fic. I’m not abandoning nothing I’m just really. really slow
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Advice for new writers? Common pitfalls?
As in fandom writers? I’m going with that because I’m still an unpublished writer so I don’t think I’m qualified to speak to that.
For new fandom writers, my biggest piece of advice would be to lower your expectations of both yourself and your fandom.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but most new writers aren’t going to produce sweeping, complex, meaningful 200k+ epics right out of the gate. Writing is a skill, just like any other, and that means it requires practice. The beauty of fanfic is that there are readers out there who will absolutely devour your early works, whether or not you think it’s garbage or “not good enough.” You’re not gonna win the Pulitzer with fanfic, so lower the expectations and try to enjoy the experience.
Finish something. A 100 word drabble or a 5000 word ficlet. If you can, finish something. That rush of “oh! New idea!” Is heady, but the crushing self doubt when you’ve got 50 first chapters and nothing marked complete is just as powerful.
This one’s almost impossible: If you are prepared for nobody to interact with your fic, then it’ll be a pleasant surprise when they do. Readers will scroll by your work for a million and one reasons. Sometimes they’re just not in the mood to read at the moment and when they are, they’ve forgotten they saw it. Sometimes you posted when the largest chunk of readers for that fandom are asleep and by the time they’re awake and looking for something to read, your work is buried under other updates. Sometimes they just didn’t see it because as a new writer you maybe haven’t gotten a lot of exposure and reach. Readers come to fanfic as a kind of comfort read. We’re familiar with the characters or world so we can dive right in, but also… that leads to readers who have favorite writers whom they trust to handle the characters or they know they’ve got a good chance of enjoying the story. Readers in older fandoms tend to be comfortable with established writers and less comfortable trying new writers.
That’s an unfortunate issue new writers might have to face, and it tends to be more pronounced in older fandoms where people have built lists of “classic works” and they’ve watched cycles of writers coming and going, leaving works seemingly abandoned or on a long hiatus.
So maybe have patience with the readers too and try to understand where they’re coming from.
Standard advice applies: write for yourself. Write what brings you joy because you’ll just be miserable if you write for someone else.
It’s not about the numbers or the notes. If your only goal is to get the kudos and comments etc, then you’re going to be miserable at some point. But also, it’s really hard to not be affected by low interaction, so be ready for that. It sucks to feel like you’re pouring your heart and soul into this writing thing and then get little to no response. Because part of the fanfiction writer experience is the interaction with the readers. If someone doesn’t want that interaction, they’d write but never share.
So note to the readers: it kinda is about the interaction. No fanfic writer posts hoping that no one will comment and they’ll be left feeling like they’re just shouting into an empty void.
Not sure if this is what you’re looking for, Anon, but I hope that helps.
❤️ kdnfb
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20 questions for fic writers podficcers
Thank you for tagging me @gracieryder and @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove, I feel so included <3
How many works do you have on ao3?
1,559 - which I believe is 1,208 podfic, 179 vids, and 163 fics
What's your total Ao3 word count?
615,783
What fandoms do you create for?
I have works in 450 fandoms so I’m not listing them all so here are top couple of fandoms by work-type:
- Vid: Nirvana in Fire, The King: Eternal Monarch, and 9-1-1
- Podfic: Yuri on Ice, Teen Wolf, and The Raven Cycle
- Fic: Smallville, Stargate Atlantis, and Gundam Wing
Top 5 Works by Kudos:
Fics dominate sorting by kudos so here's top two of each category:
- Fic: The Rock and The River this Spirited Away fic wins out by a large margin, bubbling up is another Spirited Away fic and in second place.
- Vid: Bury a Friend is my most kudos’d vid (Untamed) and Applause is second most kudos (Untamed RPF) though that is my most-watched vid on YT.
- Podfic: through a window softly by impossibletruths, an Untamed fic for which I did a lot of music mixing is my top kudos’d podfic, so much so that it actually gets in my AO3 top 5 kudos list which is wild. The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch: A Manifesto in Many Parts by aubreyli is in second place.
Do you respond to comments?
I try!
What is the work you've made with the angstiest ending?
- Fic: All my fics are neutral or positive endings (I think?)
- Vid: this TKEM AU where Yeong dies
- Podfic: I enjoy narrating big emotions so I have a lot of people-cry-in-this-fic grief/angst and self worth issues stories but often they end on at least an uplifting note. Possibly something in Attack on Titan or X-Men had a and-they-stay-sad ending but I can’t remember something specific to for-sure point at.
What's the work you've made with the happiest ending?
So many happy endings (both the emotional kind and the porn kind). I’m not sure I could point to a ‘happiest’ since a lot of them are very happy.
Do you get hate on your works?
I’ve had some weird comments but not particularly hate, hopefully that will continue to be true.
Do you create smut?
Yup, at least with podfic and fic.
Craziest crossover?
I wrote a heralds of valdemar / lord of the rings fic when I was just starting out in fandom.
Have you ever had a work stolen?
I hope not.
Have you ever had a work inspired by your works?
Very excitingly, people have made vids inspired by my vids which is the absolute coolest thing (Nothing by @nubreed73, and Mei Changsu is Climbing the Mountain by @sandalwoodbox)
I have had fic translated, which is neat.
People have made podfics of my fic which is just delightful and makes me so, so happy as a fellow podficcer.
I've also had people make me fanart/coverart which is super cool!
Have you co-recorded/co-written/co-vidded before?
I’ve done a podfic collab where we co-wrote the story together and then recorded the story together. I’ve been part of multivoice collabs of things I did not participate in writing for with both in-person/live recording and recorded separately then edited together. I’ve also done oral not!fic collabs.
I've done collab vidding with @sandalwoodbox
All time favorite ship?
I can't decide. I tend to have one OTP per fandom I'm into, but see fandom list it's too long to pick just one ship.
What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
I’ve got a variety of old files for fics I never got a permission response on that will just live in my computer forever. Some are complete, some needing editing, some are partially completed and all abandoned due to lack of response. I learned my lesson and now do not record unless I have already received permission or the author has BP.
What are your podficcing/writing/vidding strengths?
- Podfic: Consistency? Enthusiasm. Emotion (I hope).
- Vid: Picking decent songs?
What are your podficcing/writing/vidding weaknesses?
- Podfic: Accents, words not in english, cover art.
- Writing: Doing it without a challenge/exchange
- Vid: I don't know how to do a lot of technical stuff so I'm sort of coasting on my current skill level without challenging myself much.
Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
For podfic I try! Sometimes I don’t know what I don’t know (see past mispronunciation of French where I thought I knew what I was doing T_T). But having been in into anime, c-dramas, k-dramas, and a variety of fandoms with various languages involved I know I will give it my best shot, possibly fail, and it will take me 2-3x as long to record, but sometimes I can be proud of what I’ve come up with on the far end and that’s nice. Forvo, google translate, and finding friends/acquaintances I know who speak the language have all be helpful.
First fandom you podficced/wrote in/vidded?
- Podfic: Spiderman/Smallville crossover: 2008.
- Vid: Eastwick (TV)
- Fic: Heralds of Valdemar
Favorite work you've made?
- Podfic: The Ion Arc by Sunhawk - I started recording this Gundam Wing story in 2008 and finished in 2019 and it clocks in at over 80 hours. This was my labor of love for just over a decade and will always hold a very important place in my heart. Have I re-listened to it, no. Do I think it’s the best podfic I’ve ever made, probably not, doesn’t matter, still my favorite.
- Vid: I’m not sure how to pick so I’ll just go with my co-vid with @sandalwoodbox Hug Cats!
- Fic: I’ll follow the consensus and say The Rock and The River for this.
Tagging - feel free to take up this invitation to answer some questions or not as you see fit!: @sandalwoodbox, @revolutionaryjo, @rollerskatinglizard
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20 questions for fic writers
thank you @queseraone & @thisnightissparkling089 for tagging me! ♡
1. How many works do you have on Ao3?
22
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?
114,753
3. What fandoms do you write for?
the rookie
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
Congrats, Boot!
all along there was some invisible string
They Don't Know That We Know They Know We Know
Technically You Still Owe Me A Date
This Love
5. Do you respond to comments?
i try to but i’m not always the best at it but i always go back and look at my comments because they mean more than i can say ♡ especially on a bad day or when i’m struggling with muse to write, they always put a smile on my face and help me find my way back to writing.
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
it's not done but maybe I'll Look After You, it's still at a pretty angsty point but nowhere near peak angst yet hehe ― lucy's in a life or death situation and it's a sad time for everyone so far as she's remains in limbo with jackson guiding her and everyone else is just worried about her surviving and also worried about tim.
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
hold on to the memories (they will hold on to you) ― i don't want to give away the ending because it's just straight up fluff but essentially it's 5 different pov's of watching tim and lucy + 1 time no one did ♡
8. Do you get hate on fics?
omg no, never. everyone is so sweet and supportive and just so nice????? ♡♡♡
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
*cue this is me trying* i have dabbled in it at least once but nothing i'd say is v smutty?? i'm trying though, i have a wip that will lead to that but it's not easy to write??? the regular kind?? idk lmao.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
nope, that's too confusing for my brain to keep up.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
i don't think so
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
no but it sounds cool
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
not yet but pls holler at me 👀
14. What’s your all time favorite ship?
chenford ♡ (huge surprise, right?)
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Look At This Photograph, i haven't abandoned it but trying to figure out this third chapter that's back when tim got his uniform ripped off has been super tricky
16. What are your writing strengths?
i want to say maybe finding the right emotion in a fic? i think i'm pretty good at keeping the flow of the emotion throughout?
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
coming up with summaries to describe the one-shot/chapter and knowing how to end a darn story. also, titles. titles are really hard lmao. but on a serious note, sometimes i second guess my writing or the idea too much that i get stuck and won't write it anymore
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
sounds cool. i'd be open to trying it depending on the context? it would very much be limited to spanish though lol
19. First fandom you wrote for?
i want to say gossip girl?
20. Favorite fic you’ve written?
i wanna say i have a few but gonna go with my latest one because i'm really proud of it and it's a missing 2x11 scene in the hospital and y'all know that is my jam. anyway, it's called Halo lol
thanks for tagging me, besties! ♡ tagging @sylvies-chen @ameliagiovanna0 @makeitastrength @timandlucy & anyone else who would like to do it (it's almost midnight and i know i'm likely forgetting a friend or two).
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20 Questions for Fic Writers!
I was tagged by the wonderful @minim236 ! 😘 Thank you, doll!
1- How many works do you have on AO3?
Only 7! (Very soon to be 8! 👀) All of them are from my Meet Me at Midnight series.
2- What's your total AO3 word count?
67,450… which is a little crazy to me! (Also, in looking for these stats, I learned that “Can I Ask You a Question” has 15,998 words, and now it’s taking everything in me not to just go in and add two words somewhere. LOL)
3- What fandoms do you write for?
I’m still a really new writer, and Bridgerton is the only fandom I’ve written in, technically… Although I once started a Poldark fanfic that I abandoned and never published. (That was back when I was still very gun shy about posting anything anywhere!)
4- What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
First place: Can I Ask You a Question? - 290
2 - I’m So In Love - 258
3 - Stars by the Pocketful - 233
4 - Older but Just Never Wiser - 185
Last place: My Whole Life - 154
(“Can I Ask You a Question?” was the one I was most insecure about so it’s nice that it did so well.)
5- Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I respond to every comment I see because I can’t believe how sweet people have been about my little stories. I so appreciate everyone who takes the time to say something nice!
I’ve always loved writing. Pretty much since I could hold a pencil, it’s been a sort of coping mechanism (and occasionally a source of stress 😆 ) but I’ve never ever felt confident enough to share anything with anyone. With fanfic, I finally freed myself to write little plotless stories and share them, and it’s been unbelievably rewarding and I genuinely feel it’s helping me grow as a writer. Knowing that people enjoy the thing that gave me so much joy to write is mind-blowing. ❤️
6- What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Honestly, I’m not that angsty in my writing. I think “Older but Just Never Wiser” was my angstiest fic, but the ending was still fairly sweet and resolved. I honestly can’t imagine myself writing something with an angsty ending!
7- What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Oh my gosh, I think my first one, “I’m So In Love…” was absolutely saccharine! It was nothing but candy-coated sweetness. However, “My Whole Life” ended in a proposal/engagement with like fireworks, so I guess it’s a coin toss.
8- Do you get hate on fics?
I haven’t yet! (Thanks, everyone!!)
9- Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
No — not yet! I’m definitely still too shy about it. But I do have an outline for a little something smutty that I wrote once when the muse visited me with it... Whether it will ever see the light of day depends on, like, my confidence and the supply of whisky in my house. Haha
10- Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
No crossovers! I haven’t even read a lot of crossovers, so that’s completely uncharted territory for me.
11- Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not that I know of! (I don’t think I’m high-profile enough for that! LOL)
12- Have you ever had a fic translated?
I haven’t!
13- Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No! But that sounds super fun.
14- What's your all-time favorite ship?
Right now, I’m pretty ride-or-die for Kanthony. I’ve loved so many ships throughout my life, though!
15- What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
SO. About two years ago (before I came late to the Bridgerton party), I had watched Poldark and it was so beautiful but also had a lot of heart-wrenching aspects, which sort of matched the dark place I was in mentally, so I started a Poldark fic that was just full of angst and sadness and hurt feelings. I never finished it, but I think about it quite a lot, actually, and how I left those guys hanging. I’d love to finish it just to give them some closure, but I’m not really in that headspace these days (which is a good thing!).
Also, more recently, I had an idea for a Regency-era, canon-compliant Kanthony story that I actually did start (I wrote a prologue and have an outline for the rest of it) but as I’m getting into it, I’m rapidly losing confidence that it’s a good idea…. So I don’t know. It might end up abandoned. It’s Anthony POV and more angsty than my Midnights series. It would be a challenge to write, for sure, and maybe that’s why it makes me nervous!
16- What are your writing strengths?
Oh gosh, that’s so hard to answer. I like to think my writing paints a picture, because I see the characters and settings so vividly in my head. Hopefully that’s true!
17- What are your writing weaknesses?
Well, in a general way, second-guessing myself is the BIGGEST weakness. But I often catching myself writing in what I call “outline form,” where I write like “she did that. Then he said this. Then this happened.” And I have to go back and write in more emotional reactions and physical sensation. Also, I’m intimidated by writing conflict and angst. 😂
18- Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
That’s fascinating, and frankly it’s a really intimidating thought. Language is so complex that using a translator just doesn’t capture the full scope and meaning of words and phrases, does it? So, I feel like I would only go there if I could check with someone who knew the language.
19- First fandom you wrote for?
Oh wow. I guess technically that’s Poldark (see above) but back in high school (before I knew what fanfic was) I wrote out a prose version of scenes from a Broadway musical I was obsessed with because I wanted to explore the inner feelings of one of the characters. Nothing was really original, but I needed to do it in order to understand this character I couldn't stop thinking about. Now, looking back, I realize that was fanfic!
20- Favorite fic you've written?
I have this special place in my heart for “I’m So In Love…” because it’s the first fic I ever finished and the first one I ever shared. It also really captured a moment in time for me personally, so I think that one will always be a fave for me. Tied with it is “Stars by the Pocketful,” which was an idea that I carried in my heart for MONTHS before posting “So In Love” gave me the confidence to write it down. That one felt like it was burning a hole in my imagination for ages and I’m so genuinely happy with the finished product.
I’m tagging these lovely people, but no pressure! ❤️- @mimix007, @harnitbee, @nervousladytraveler, @ninamayawrites, @stars-of-kyber
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I am working on my Blackbonnet fic that's basically Blackbeard raids a port and he's offered a wife of his choosing in return for leaving them in peace and he's like yeah sure that sounds fun and then picks Stede who is just. he does not know what to do. with any of this, really. and then has to face down the idea that this pirate might just end up RAVAGING HIM, after all, isnt that why a pirate like him would pick a wife?
but anyway, here's some excerpts. i'm probably not gonna post it until it's nearly done, i have far too many abandoned wips, but i do need some dopamine so please tell me what you think because i really do feel i have nailed stede's voice and i'm pretty proud of myself
"He's already married," Mary pipes up. "You can't have him."
It's a noble effort. He's surprised she even cares so much as to try and keep him from being taken as a captive by Blackbeard himself.
"Hardly matters on the sea," Blackbeard says. "In fact, anything goes once you're on the sea." He never takes his piercing gaze from Stede, never looks away and barely blinks.
"I'm not going to let you run off with my husband and do God knows what with him!" Mary puffs up and Stede really does admire her bravery, even if he thinks she really should stop it.
"It's all right, Mary," he soothes. "You'll be just fine without me." He puts on a firm smile and tries to put out of his mind the implications of everything both Blackbeard and Mary said. "The request was I go willingly and in return, they leave Bridgetown in peace, forever. Correct?"
"Mhmmm." Blackbeard's voice rumbles, low and sultry, and Stede valiantly tries to ignore the way that feels. "You have my word as captain of the Queen Anne's Revenge."
Stede nods. "Then we have an accord." He tries to exude more confidence than he feels. "May I have a moment to say goodbye to my family?"
Blackbeard shrugs. "We've got shit to finish up here and since you're coming willingly, you can take your time." His eyebrows raise. "Within reason."
this is from chapter one
then chapter two:
He's just been taken captive by the infamous pirate Blackbeard -- the Blackbeard -- the most dreaded pirate on the seven seas, the actual terror of the deep, and worse still he isn't just taken captive, he's been taken as-- as-- as a wife.
A wife!
Stede is a married man. He knows what being a wife entails (and truly, he does pity Mary, he knows neither of them wanted any of that, but they did get two beautiful children out of the equation in the end, which is better than nothing) and that usually involves--
Blackbeard keeps looking at him. His eyes keep lingering on his clothes. Does he plan to take them off him? Does he have intentions already? Did he pick Stede because-- because out of all the options on the dock, Stede is the one he wanted to ravage?
He feels a little faint. He's heard things -- after all, he did go to boarding school, it's hard to avoid at least a little knowledge of what goes on between teenage boys with too many hormones and not enough girls in sight -- and not all of those things sound-- Well, a lot of them sound interesting. He's always thought so! But-- but-- they also sound like being ravaged by the dreaded pirate Blackbeard might be-- Well, it might be unpleasant, is what he's thinking.
It's not that he thinks it's always unpleasant, he sincerely doubts it makes a lick of sense for boys -- and men, he supposes -- to do it willingly if it's always an awful experience, but that's the point, isn't it? The willingly part, compared to whatever the hell is going on here, which he doesn't think is going to be willing at all!
He only realizes he's been overthinking every last inch of what he's just done when he catches Blackbeard staring at him. He's led him halfway into the bowels of the ship, halfway to what Stede is assuming are his cabin, unless he intends to keep him in the brig like the world's most disobedient pet. He thinks he's been rather obedient so far, following Blackbeard like a puppy he just picked up at market.
He's still overthinking.
and then the chapter i'm working on rn:
Eventually, in a moment when he has his ear pressed to the wooden door, the footsteps get closer and closer and he realizes at the last moment they're outside of his door and then he nearly falls right out into the corridor when the door is suddenly whipped open and the short pirate stands in front of him, looking furious.
"You are to dine with Blackbeard in his cabin," the pirate says.
Stede can only assume it's dinner time. "Oh! Well, righto then," he says, putting on a smile. "That's the cabin right out there, yes?"
The face of the pirate before him darkens. "If you try anything," he warns, "I will skin you slowly over the course of three weeks and feed each individual strip of your pathetic skin to the nearest seagulls."
Stede gags at the imagery his words conjure. "That's a little vivid a description, I really could have been intimidated solely by a promise of a prolonged, torturous death, but I accept your warning. I will keep my hands to myself!"
The pirate pauses and eyes him like he's about to say something, but then changes his mind.
and this:
Izzy leaves the cabin, letting the door shut behind him, and Stede stands awkwardly, unsure what to do with himself, until Blackbeard stands, setting his pipe aside, and steps towards him.
"I don't think we were properly introduced," he says, and Stede resists the urge to point out he technically took him captive, "I'm Edward." He extends his hand to shake.
Stede shakes, albeit nervously. "Stede," he says. "Stede Bonnet."
"Sit." Black-- Edward says when he takes his hand back, using it to gesture at the table. There's stuff flung somewhat haphazardly nearby, which Stede suspects was once adorning the table. He wonders where Bl-- Edward ate before, if he just sat in his chair to eat or if he ate with the crew or on the deck.
Stede sits carefully, especially once he realizes the table is actually a desk, with nowhere to put his knees, holding himself tensely and looking around. "I, ah, I like your cabin," he says, which isn't a lie, so he supposes that's a good start. "The windows are very, um. Well they're very nice! Stained glass. You have excellent taste."
Edward pauses briefly, halfway to sitting down at the opposite end of the table. He finishes his descent and puts one foot up on the only unoccupied chair, the brace around his knee glinting in the candlelight. "It's not like I designed the ship," Edward says. "I stole it, innit?"
"Right, yes," Stede agrees, possibly a little too fast, "but you still chose to steal it! And you didn't get rid of the windows or anything once it was yours. So... clearly you have good taste."
"Mm."
okay there we go thank you for your attention
#blackbonnet#gentlebeard#ofmd#ed x stede#ofmd fic#wip#our flag means death#ok to rb in fact please do <3#my writing
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Next Fic Released POLL !!!!
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Hihi everyone !! Just wanted to gage opinions as to which one shot draft should be put out first. I’m working on each one (at a snails pace though LOL) so they’ll all be put out eventually so no stress!!
I’ll give you all the title, summary, and whatever the first paragraph or so I have done :3 Some are worked on more than others but all my one shots are in this limbo like state where I keep making excuses not to finish them ehehe
Mostly hypmic but one p5 for my AkiRen and Akechi fans out there
Vote once you read them all please !!
LOL (lots of love) <3
Option 1: What you leave behind (MCD->DD!Ichiro x Reader)
Angst no comfort, unrequited feelings, abandonment
In where Ichiro gets so caught up in what comes next for him that he doesn't realize what comes next for you. Which is nothing.
Sometimes he wonders where you ended up. He wonders if you're happier than when he last saw you. He wonder's what you do now. He wonders if you ever think of him too.
He was stupid then. He thought that since his life was perfect, everyone else's must be too……
Option 2: I wanna get to the next tier! (Jiro x Fast Food employee!Fem!Reader)
Silliness, classmates to lovers, Jiro can’t talk to girls
Jiro with a crush who works at their local chain bakery. He goes there too often than he would like to admit, just so he could see them. His excuse? He’s just trying to earn points on his app!
Jiro downloaded the Wacdonald’s app for two reasons. (1) The amount of money he would be saving everytime he went. (2) You.
It’d be a win-win every time he went, he thought. He’d get a few points towards a free cheeseburger or something, and he’d get to make conversation with you on the regular.
If only his brothers would stop asking why he insisted on getting fast food everyday…….
Option 3: High and mighty (Jakurai x Temporary Roommate!Reader)
Angst to comfort, friends to lovers, self doubt, sudden kisses
The only thing getting in the way of confessing his own feelings is himself.
"What about being human gives you the right to be all high and mighty?!"
A long time in the past, Ramuda had said that to him. He was a different person then, they both were.
So why was that question the only thing ringing in his mind right now?
You were cooking him breakfast, insisting that it was the least you could do to help him out after he let you stay with him……
Option 4: Lost you once (Ren Amamiya x Reader, Goro Akechi x Reader)(separate)
Angst, being aware of your own death, 3rd semester spoilers
In where Ren and Akechi struggle to make the right choice.
This is cruel. This is so fucking cruel. Both to you and to him.
He can't just accept this. And you can't just walk into Le Blanc like nothing happened.
Like you never died in his arms…….
Thank you for participating 😛💕
#iotext#persona 5 x reader#hypmic x reader#hypnosis mic x reader#hypnosis microphone x reader#hypmic#hypnosis mic#hypnosis microphone#persona 5
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
Got tagged by @elevenelvenswords (kudos, thanks for the tag my dude) so here we go 7:P
How many works do you have on AO3?
21, two of which were co-authored by others.
What fandoms do you write for?
These days I write for the Silmarillion, as it’s my biggest hyperfixation currently. I used to write MCYT fics (my last biggest hyperfixation, lasting about 3yrs), but I’ve long since run dry of mcyt fic ideas.
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Funny enough, because of everyone else’s hyperfixations my non-silm fics are still top 5, even tho they’re so much shorter than my more recent works lol
(1) Many vegetables, one soup
(2) Close your eyes, let them reawaken Red
(3) MCYT Whumptober 2022 (and then some)
(4) Cradle Brothers
(5) Meteor
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I do! I love to give bonus facts about the fic in my comment section.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
Either “I keep my enemies closer than the mirror ever gets to me” because of the canon angst foreshadowing or “I take scraps from dinner as little parts of love” because the ending is bittersweet in hindsight of canon (and because it made someone in my comment section cry lol)
What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
Staccato, Familiar Acceptance and (somewhat) reconciliation are prime in the 2nd chapter.
Do you get hate on fics?
Nope! I don’t write very controversial topics, very long fics, or in very large fandoms, so at the moment I’m just a small fish in the pond. No hate nor attention comes for the small fish.
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
I’ve written a scene where inexplicit sex was implied to be happening, but I don’t know if i’ll ever write anything with explicit sexual content (Disclaimer: I’m an adult).
Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?
The only crossover i’ve ever posted is an abandoned wip in “Discontinued Hermitcraft WIPS - chapter 7” It was a hermitcraft and Phasmophobia crossover.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
To my knowledge, no.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope! Though I’d be open to it if anyone wanted to (given they asked permission first).
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes! A discontinued original work titled “Shattered Stars” and a fnaf fic co-authored with a friend titled “Many vegetables, one soup”
What’s your all time favourite ship?
These days it’s either Silvergifting (silm) or Scarian (hc)
What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
An unnamed fic where Post-Canon, everyone is reembodied in Valinor and Russingon + Kidnap Fam are all together Happy Family Style.
Except, so very ago Fingon & Maedhros adopted a tiny Gil-Galad together, Maedhros left at an early age and never treated Gil like his kid afterwards so Gil is real bitter towards Maedhros. Elrond wants them to reconcile but it’s not going well.
“In case you’ve forgotten, Elrond. I’ve met Maedhros Feanorian and he found nothing of value in me.”
Elrond cringes. Maedhros flinches back as if slapped.
What are your writing strengths?
Not sure. Probably writing angst that hurts readers in the trauma epicenter, since i’ve made a few people cry with my fics.
What are your writing weaknesses?
Pretty sure everything needs to improve, but i’d say descriptions and character placement. Maybe pacing too.
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
I’ve done it a few times for Sindarin & Quenya (reluctantly) but I wouldn’t touch that hot potato for irl languages. Pretty neat when other writers do it tho.
First fandom you wrote for?
Five Nights at Freddy’s, somehow. I wrote a single fic for that fandom but it was my first.
Favourite fic you’ve written?
“I take scraps from dinner as little parts of love” I put so much symbolism, emotion, and thought into this fic. It’s my favorite brainchild for sure. I’m working on giving this brainchild a sequel sibling, too.
Tagging: @crystalcatgamer @foolofatook001 @melestasflight
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I'm trying getting back into writing fanfiction. I got several WIPs. And I've been focused on one to have this feeling of accomplishment. It's supposed to be on the shorter side, under 1k.
Thing is, I have four or five versions of the story, but all of them feel like a first draft, no matter how much I work on it. Yes, every version is better than the one before that, but nothing feels like THE version I just have to polish.
I don't even know if I am making any sense.
No, you’re making sense. I’ve gotten that feeling before, too.
For me at least, I have to attempt to write when I’m in the mood to. If I’m not in the mood, then no matter what I write, I won’t like it. Maybe you have written THE version, but just not THE version for your mindset. If you think it’s trash, your mind is gonna tell you it’s trash and you’re not gonna like it. So don’t force yourself to write or you’ll just wear yourself down and you’ll want to abandon the idea all together, even though it still has plenty of potential. Once you’re in the mindset, maybe you could combine your four or five ideas? Take the bits you really like and combine them. That’s what I’ve done before when I have two different fic ideas that are somewhat similar.
I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a professional screenwriter, and I asked her how she deals with writers block while under a time limit. She said that for her, time limits actually help motivate her. So maybe that’s something you could look into doing? Set aside some time, maybe an hour or so, to focus on that fic. That time limit won’t allow you to go back and constantly doubt what you’ve just written, you just have to go with it. There is no four or five ways it could go, just the one you went with.
Honestly, stories are never really things that are *finished*, writers have to just find a good stopping point. You could go to any of your fics and add on what happened before the start, what happens after, some scenes in between… but if you did that, you’d never find THE version. You’d never get to “polish”. Maybe your version needs to focus only on one point in time. Start small, you know? You’re just getting back into it. Don’t write about a character’s entire year when there’s plenty that can happen in one week.
Alright, it’s late, that’s all the advice I have for now. If you need me for anything else, feel free to message me. There’s also some other amazing writers out there that could probably give you way better advice. 😂 @aelaer has been around for a long time and is wise regarding the fanfic world. @whitefoxgone has also been around for a bit I think. @webtrinsic1122 is in a few different fandoms and posts pretty regularly. @trickstress333 has given me good advice on how to structure fics. You could also try talking to them.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Inspiration will come.
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For the ask game: Q, X, and, Y?
HI YES THIS ASK IS FROM SEPTEMBER—ANYWAY MOVING ON
Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?
Yeah, actually! I never post anything to Ao3 unless I’m 100% sure I’m going to finish it (even if it takes me literal years). That means both that I’ve never gonna perma-hiatus/abandon a fic if it’s on Ao3 and also that there are a lot of things floating around that I’ve actually put some legwork into that haven’t really gotten anywhere and I doubt I’ll get around to, so they've never really seen the light of day.
i was gonna permadeath hyrule and then i didn’t, details here
i did some light drafting and outlining of a story where the Four Sword splits Sky. it’d have to be long to do it justice and i didn’t wanna commit to that with two active WIPS on Ao3 at the time. i have just finished To Isolate, but i have 30k words of celestial navigation nonsense to now balance with hey four so i doubt i’ll get around to this one
i’ve got 4k words of legend slowly opening up to sky and telling him things and growing much closer and then very belatedly realizing that he knows next to nothing about sky himself. i started it in someone’s discord dms, but it wasn’t really going anywhere that excited me so i dropped it. if people want me to slap what i do have of discarded sketches-but-writing like this one on tumblr, let me know, though i warn you that they’ll all cut off partway through and be deeply unsatisfying
i’ve got 2.5k words of outline for something that’s kind of the same idea i mentioned in bullet 3 but it pulls wind into the mix and instead of being an i-just-dove-in-and-started-writing, it’s a pretty solid outline of something i just didn’t feel like fleshing out. the working fic title was “don’t look at me, i won’t be able to smile for you.”
i have another doc titled “haha lol legend is a punching bag.” this is a very apt title. legend gets nabbed by a baddie, puts up a heck of a fight tryna get away, almost manages, and then gets caught for real, bonked with malice, and unleashed onto his friends because we love to see link v link combat and the old i-know-you’re-in-there-somewhere fight. kind of an extension of that Malice!Legend ficlet i slapped on here a long while ago, but it does way more things. this one’s just an outline.
i’ve got 1k words of legend on koholint talking to marin after realizing the island was fake. had a cool take on marin, but wasn't really the vibe
i have this vague, very fluid concept that’s just “five times legend was helpless and one time he refused to be again.” what those five times are vary every time i try outlining it, but it’s just a lot of legend running into different kinds of The One Problem He Can’t Solve and struggling to cope with not being omnipotent. might actually revisit this one cuz i still like it a lot and i think there were some good ideas in here. my biggest problem with it is the “and one time he refused to be again” because i don’t like the implication that the solution to not being omnipotent is just to Try Harder but “five times legend was helpless and one time he accepted it” just sounds depressing. i’m very open to suggestions on this one!
i’ve got 2k words (written, not an outline) of four coming back to camp one night with red Very Much In Charge so his eyes are very red and then hyrule thinks he’s possessed and draws his sword on him and red freaks out and ditches and the other three have to figure out what’s going on. i didn’t really think it was going anywhere interesting but what really stopped me from continuing was that i started writing four Very Much Like A System and it was cool but then i started researching the neuroscience behind it and psychologist brain went wheeeeeee and now thinking about the fic just makes me want to do research instead of working on it oop
this one venty thing of hyrule just having no energy whatsoever and not wanting to talk to anyone. then he climbs a tree and feels a bit better. that’s literally it, and this one is actually complete, i just didn’t feel like posting it anywhere, though i can plop it here if y’all want.
then i have a silly AU outlined where all of the LU boys are either students or instructors at a flight school (like for airplanes and pilots n stuff). it would have to be really infodumpy though and i’m doing enough of that with my celestial navigation fic. the characters and world are fun but i also didn’t really have a storyline i liked so this hasn’t gone anywhere
there are probably more kicking around but i can’t find them right now
as for discarded scenes and storylines within fics i have actually written, there definitely are some, but i don’t really have any way of keeping track of them. the one i remember most vividly is that there was gonna be a part in to isolate ch.8 where sky overhears legend playing ballad of the wind fish and wind asks him about it and legend says he was hoping this was all some bad dream he could wake up from, but it didn’t really fit in the flow of the narrative we ended up with. there are actually a lot of deleted scenes from chapters 8 onwards because the outline and the actual thing are virtually unrecognizable as being part of the same fic.
X: A character you enjoy making suffer.
All of them, obviously, but Wind and Four have been climbing that particular ladder! we need more content of them being deep and interesting and mature together (and wind especially, solo) and what better way to explore that than through strategically deployed angst and suffering!! this bodes well for Hey Four >:3
Y: A character you want to protect.
all of them, believe it or not, but right now it’s mostly Legend, shockingly! he’s been my favorite punching bag for a while, but i’ve also noticed myself growing increasingly gentle with what i put him through and how i have him take it lately because these days it's actually way more interesting for me to be kind to him than to bully him
thank you for the ask and i hope you don't miss my reply considering it's been several months sfkghskghsdlfgjsdkl take care!!
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Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13
Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13
Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader
Rating: R for language and smut.
Words: ~3000 words.
Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.
Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9
Part 10 Part 11 Part 12
gif credit: @bilyrusso
Part 13
It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.
You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.
An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”
“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”
“Yeah. How did you know?”
There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”
You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”
“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”
Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”
“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”
“Sure. What time?”
“2pm.”
“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”
“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”
“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”
“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”
Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.
“Do you want to come over?” he asked.
You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”
“Come over after you’re done.”
“It’ll be really late.”
“That’s fine. I can wait.”
“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”
“No, it’s okay.”
You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.
“Bring your stuff with you.”
“Stuff?”
“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”
“Oh. You want me to stay over?”
“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”
“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.
You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”
“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”
“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”
He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”
“Okay. I’m leaving now.”
“See you soon.”
After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.
***
An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.
“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.
You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.
“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”
“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”
“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”
“You don’t mind?”
You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”
He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”
“Yup. Probably still working away.”
Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”
You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.
Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.
***
It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.
“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.
“Are you still working?” he asked.
“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.
Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”
You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”
A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”
“That’s sexual harassment.”
Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”
You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”
“I brushed my teeth for you.”
“Wow. Be still my heart.”
A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.
“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”
Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.
“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”
“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.
“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”
The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.
“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”
“How do you actually feel?”
“Nothing. I feel nothing.”
“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”
“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”
“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”
Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”
You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”
“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.
“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.
“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”
You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.
Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.
Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”
“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”
He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.
“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”
“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.
***
After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.
“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.
“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”
“I hope it’s not earrings again.”
He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”
“What is it then?”
“Jewelry.”
You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”
“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”
“Ah. And where is this gift?”
He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”
You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”
“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”
He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.
“What happened with your family?”
Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”
“They’re dead?”
“Yes.”
“Both of them?”
“Yes.”
He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”
“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.
“What were your parents like?”
Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”
He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.
You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”
“How did they die?”
“Car accident.”
“You miss them?”
“Of course,” you lied.
He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”
“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”
“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”
He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.
***
It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.
“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”
You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.
“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”
“Billy-”
“Promise me!”
“I can’t.”
“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”
You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.
The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”
His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”
“I’m not what you want.”
“And what do you think I want?”
You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”
“Is that so wrong?”
You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”
His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”
“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”
He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”
Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.
He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”
Part 14
A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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Bucky x reader, except the reader is also a supersoldier who went through the same thing, so she 1000% understands. They both wake up from a nightmare and comfort each other, and end up having very passionate sex.
oH mY gOd iZzY!??!??!! good lord that is 𝓈𝒽𝓇𝑒𝓍𝓎.
Anyway babe, here's a bucky x fem!reader fic for ya. also omfg i love bucky barnes sm 🥺 hnngh mr barnes can rail me any day
Warnings: smut (duh), p in v sex ;) a little angst kinda? top!Bucky, bottom!reader (kinda?) unprotected sex
Word count: 1,398
You and Bucky were no strangers to nightmares; over the years, both of you were frequently plagued by them. They never became any easier to manage.
You live in the now, but there is one thing that will always and forever be a part of your past.
The Super Soldier serum.
The Soldier is part of who you are - who you both are. It's a part of Bucky, a part of you.
It wasn't an easy decision to make; to take that acceptance of what the past had set you on, and face forward.
Bucky shouts, bringing you out of your light, fitful sleep with a jolt. You throw yourself up and away from the bed with one quick motion.
It takes a moment for your vision to clear, and your breathing to steady. By the time your heart slows back down to normal, you're aware of Bucky was sitting up, leaning back with his hands braced on either side of his hips, breathing harshly, and panting as sweat dripped down his face and onto his chest, fingertips glistening with moisture.
Your pulse hadn't even calmed down enough for you to register what caused it to speed up in the first place when you exhale sharply, seeing Bucky crouched in the middle of the bed, face contorted in the middle of a scream. You can't see his eyes behind the glare the moonlight throws at you, but you get the feeling he's looking right at you.
He's looking at you.
"Bucky," you say, softer than you intend to, eyeing him as you finish sliding up onto your feet in the floor. "Hey. It's okay, Bucky. Breathe," you offer, holding your hands out open and out to your sides, to show you mean him no harm.
Bucky doesn't register your words and doesn't stop staring at you. His eyes are wide, his fists clenched.
"It's only me, Bucky," you breathe. It's then you notice how tense his body is; the tic of the muscle in his jaw, the tension in his arms, the way his shoulders hunch. He looks like he's ready for a fight, ready to grab his weapon of choice and take aim for the kill.
"Bucky, look at me," you request, the words coming out as soothing as you think you can get them. "Breathe with me. Come on. It's just me. You're safe," you reassure, still maintaining a safe distance.
It takes a couple of seconds, but you can see the way his shoulders visibly relax when he finally looks up at you, breathing deeply and still shaking. The sight of him in the state he was in made your heart ache.
You nod, ready to approach.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, and you can hear him swallow audibly. "I…" he falters, pausing, and then he pauses again, exhaling harshly. "I'm sorry." he repeats.
"Do you...want to talk about it?" you ask tentatively, though you doubted he would. Neither of you liked to talk about your nightmares.
"No," he replies, almost immediately, though you can see him glance back at you briefly before his eyes avert back to their spot between his knees. "No, I don't. I don't want to…I don't want to think about it anymore."
"Okay," you agree, "Okay," you repeat again, slowly. "I don't expect you to." you add with a smile, though you doubt he can see it. You sit beside him on the bed.
You let the silence fill the space between you, letting him collect himself.
Finally, he says, “I don’t want to go back to sleep.”
You shift, tucking a loose hair behind your ear. “Well, what can I do to help?”
Dark, lustful eyes follow your silhouette. "I don't want to think anymore... just let me..." He whispers, the tone of his voice desperate.
You wordlessly nod, allowing him to pull you into a kiss. There’s nothing quite romantic about the way he kisses you, insatiable and impassioned. The kiss feels longer than it actually is.
Finally, you break apart, staring at each other for a moment longer before his eyes glance down to where your lips are still slightly parted, watching him.
Without another word, his cold metal hand slides up your nightshirt, leaving trails of goosebumps in it's wake. He helps you out of your shirt, leaving you in only your sports bra.
His brow furrows. He growls, and you can hear the telltale sound of tearing fabric - and then you’re bare for him, nipples hardening in the cool air.
You never liked that bra, anyway.
He mutters your name in appreciation, teeth grazing your neck. His hands trail along your body, like he was making sure you were real.
You wish you could see his brilliant blue eyes, if only to reassure him more.
He tugs impatiently at the waistband of your shorts, pressing his forehead to yours. You card your fingers in his hair, and before you know it, your shorts are uncaringly tossed to the floor.
He pauses at the waistband of your underwear. You can feel his hot breath against your neck, his fingers hooked at the waistband.
"Bucky," you plea softly.
That's seemingly all the motivation he needs, and your underwear is added to the ever-growing pile of clothes on the floor.
He doesn't hesitate to touch your clit, rubbing tight circles on the bundle of nerves.
You mewl, spreading your legs for him, anything to get more attention on your clit.
However, he abandons your clit in favor of something else.
You can feel the cold metal of his fingers In your searing heat, and you squirm. “Bucky, oh, God-” you mutter, biting your lip.
He shushes you, pressing a kiss to your lips. You quickly get used to the icy coolness of his fingers, it adds another layer to your pleasure. He buries his two fingers to the knuckle, pumping and curling his fingers just right, making you a wet, wanton mess.
He hits your G-spot, and you throw your head back, moaning aloud. He hits that spot a few more times before he removes his fingers, making you whine at the loss.
“Suck.” is his simple demand, fingers coated in your slick.
You oblige, sucking his fingers, the faint taste of metal mixed with your own juices.
He groans, and then his fingers - wet with your own spit - go back down to your clit, rubbing it with fast, light strokes.
You moan, clenching around nothing, aching for him.
Eventually, he stops, and you can feel the head of his cock brush against your entrance. He pauses, pressing his forehead to yours. "-needed this so much, Doll. God, I-" he trails off.
You press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm here, Bucky."
He exhales shakily, and suddenly, he buries himself inside of you to the hilt.
The noise that he releases is primal.
You moan at the feeling of being full, and the delicious stretch that comes along with it.
He stays like that for a brief moment, letting you adjust to him before he rolls his hips.
He thrusts sharply, experimentally, before he finds his rhythm, setting a frantic pace, fucking you like he'd never see you again.
He peppers kisses everywhere he can, kissing your lips, your cheeks, your neck, your shoulders - as you writhe underneath him, incoherently begging for more. He grips your hips, holding them tightly, muttering slurred praises in your ear.
It was something carnal, something wild and desperate, and it was so fucking good.
His skillfull fingers find your clit once again, and the combination of the attention on your clit and the way he hits your G-spot makes you cry out his name, you orgasm steadily approaching.
You clench around his cock and he groans in appreciation, kissing and nipping at your neck.
There was surely going to be a hickey on your neck and bruises on your thighs when you woke up tommorow, at the rate he was going.
His hips begin to stutter, his breath gets shaky. "'M gonna-" he warns,
You were about to respond when he pinches your clit, and your orgasm hits you suddenly, quickly. You yell his name, milking his cock.
He groans into your hair, whispering your name as he gives a few short, choppy thrusts before he orgasms.
You both sleep nightmare free the rest of the night.
-------
Taglist:
@rizwritesfandom @motherfuckingstargirl10 @haydens-moles
yo sorry this was vv not good ngl 💁🏻♀️ but like I'm really tired yall I'm sorry 🗿✌️ hope y'all enjoyed<3 also the ending was trash
Edit; wtf deadass I forgot the part where the reader was supposed to have a nightmare too????? Literally ignore me sldjfhskek
#bucky barnes#jo's writing#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky barnes x fem reader#smut#izzy!#asks#smut fanfiction#fanfiction#marvel#marvel fanfiction#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfic
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this is how you fall in love ━ levi ackerman
ೃ pairing: (levi ackerman x gn! reader)
ೃ the entire division of the survey corps are not convinced that you and levi are absolutely actually together. however, it took a small expedition outside of the walls and an abnormal titan incident for everyone to coo adoringly at the soft and loving demeanor that levi holds around you and only you.
ೃ genre and warnings: canonverse, fluff, and strong language.
ೃ my nav → my aot masterlist → sign up for my taglist
ೃ 1.6k words
ೃ dedicated to one of my first uni friends, @ryscenery because if the two of us didn’t yell (affectionately) at each other for our love for levi, this fic may have never been birthed. i hope you enjoy! 🥺
Love certainly makes you do the wacky. But in a world where chaos is imminent, war is always looming, and people die to giant man-eating humanoid monsters, how can one possibly make their life akin to that of a romance novel?
Well, unfortunately, you can't.
It's a Live and Let Die world, after all.
But... to the remaining few of humanity who are strong and lucky enough to be still wandering the faces of the unknown world, love is a treasure. A gift only a few can find.
And somehow, and someway, you were lucky enough to find comfort in someone you never thought you'd expect to find.
Levi Ackerman.
The stoic and blunt smart-ass captain of the Survey Corps? Yes, him.
Honestly, it's quite a surprise. No one would have ever thought that someone could shake the world of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. It almost felt like a dream, honestly. Your subordinates and co-captains can't even get their heads wrapped around the fact that there's something between the two of you. Well, it's not like either you and Levi were bold enough to rub it in other people's faces.
Even Hanji, who made it seems as if they were utterly convinced over the fact that the two of you are together by teasing the two of you every time that you were within a few feet of each other, has their doubts.
It didn't take long until a minor expedition outside the walls made everyone in the division finally realize how much you and Levi were pining lovestruck dorks when hidden from the eyes of prying and spying soldiers.
An attempted attack from an abnormal titan had forced you to stray away from the rest of your squad's formation. Baiting the abomination away from your subordinates led you to get lost in the outskirts of an abandoned town. With a terribly injured leg, none of your essential equipment with you, and with no means of communication, you had no choice but to wait for the rest of the scouts on patrol to find you.
However, you were afraid of one person.
Levi knows how strong and how much you can hold up in a fight (Your Titan kill count is one of the highest in the Corps), but he hates how reckless you can get. How stubborn. How irrational your decisions can be at times and how much you hate the fact that he reprimands you for the littlest mistakes. Even if those mistakes could ultimately be the cost of your own life.
Catching sight of a shadowy figure and the sound of the clopping of horses from beyond a steep hill, you brace yourself for another long and agonizing lecture from Levi as he continues to approach.
"Captain (Y/N)!" Armin, a rookie soldier from your fleet, calls out. A look of relief forming on his face. "We brought Captain Levi! He's just behind us!"
"Oh, great." You whisper, grimacing to yourself. "Just great." Your wounded leg fails you as you try to prop yourself up onto your horse, falling back down on a mound of rubble.
You only wish you could know what Levi is feeling right now once he sees the predicament you've brought upon yourself once again.
"Captain (Y/N) has strayed away from our formation!" Jean reports sternly, a tinge of worry straining his voice. "They have diverted an abnormal titan from ruining our formation! As of now, none of us in the fleet know of their whereabouts! Neither do they have a flare gun nor any kits in case of an emergency, as they have left them with Krista before the expedition!"
Erwin clears his throat, shaking his head to try and keep his calm facade. "We'll send some soldiers to scout the-"
Before he could even finish his sentence, the distinct cry of a nearby horse could be heard. As the rest of the surviving soldiers turn their heads to where the sound came from, they could do nothing but stare agape at Levi's fleeting figure cross through the safe area and again into dangerous territory. No one could dare to stop him, after all. There was no way.
All they could do was stare in awe at the dramatic yet sweet gesture of the stone-hearted captain that happened right before their tired eyes.
Maybe now they're finally convinced that the two of you are actually
together.
(Levi's POV)
I sprinted through the vast fields with all the remaining strength I could muster. After a long exhibition, I didn't expect I'd have to drag my ass around to find (Y/N). Yet, I could not recall the last time I found myself so short of breath.
Dammit. Please be safe.
I am only vaguely surprised to feel an icy trickle of sweat on the back of my neck and my wringing hands as I hold onto the saddle.
Hurry... I must hurry.
There was not a moment to waste. If there were a titan to cross through these shitty grasslands ever again, I'd have to kill these fuckers as fast as I can. Whatever it took to reach them.
....How unlike me.
I hated this feeling. I knew it was inevitable and could happen anytime, but my body launched forward before Erwin could even give his command. Duty decreed that I should have informed him, but the thought came far too late.
I have no doubt Erwin will conjure some excuse for me. After all, this is what everyone wanted, right? Didn't they want to see more proof of my undying love for them? Just because I don't make goo-goo eyes at them doesn't mean I wouldn't defy everything just to keep them safe.
Perhaps I am being irresponsible... but I have no choice but to put my trust in him.
For now, I have someone more important than anything else, someone I cannot fail. Someone I must save.
At the end of the maddeningly long field of nothingness and stark skies, my destination hoves into view.
As (Y/N)'s weakened figure appears closer and closer to me, I abruptly halt my steed and dismount from it. With all my strength once again, I rush to their side.
Moments later, you hear Levi's voice, whom you had seen off just this morning. Wincing in pain due to your injuries, you mentally prepare yourself for another scolding.
"Keep safe" were the words he'd never fail to whisper every time the both of you are forced to depart from each other. It wasn't the most romantic saying out there, but it meant a lot. Especially coming from Levi. He was not the most physically affectionate beau out there, but these little sweet nothings were enough to make your heart flutter.
Observing his looks as he approaches, Levi almost seems panicked. Out of breath, even breaking a sweat... you can't even remember the last time you saw him like this.
His piercing gaze bore into yours, and you felt as though you might fall into it.
Levi takes one step towards you and then another.
"I-I'm fine... okay?" You puff your chest and tug at his hand reassuringly. "Don't worry. I kicked that titan's ass before it could even get a hand of me. How about you? Are you alright? You're breathing so heavily."
He doesn't answer your question but instead drops his gaze into your shaking hands.
"(Y/N)..." His voice was barely audible, a whisper. There's this exasperated look in his eyes that you can't quite describe. And yet, through that faintest movement of his lips, you knew what he meant to say.
"Levi, listen. I'm-"
---And yet... he did not allow you to finish.
Soft warmth pressed against your lips. And his embrace... so intense yet so gentle.
He didn't have to say it with words; This is the first time Levi has shown such love through his touch. Kind, yet powerful. His kiss felt like the wings of butterflies, beating softly upon lips of crushed petals.
You remain in his arms, held tight to the Captain's chest.
The suddenness of his actions came as a surprise, of course... but even so.
The heat radiating from your bodies brought such a wellspring of happiness to you. You were so happy. So very, very happy.
It was so profound that you wished that it might never end.
"Tch. I thought I was going to lose you..." He trails off, squeezing your arm in slight annoyance. "W-why do you always have to be so damn reckless? Why can't you just stick to the plan?"
"Reckless is my middle name after all." You giggle, the kiss ever so deepening.
You're suddenly brought back into reality when a flustered cough echoes from behind you.
You and Levi took it as your cue to finally let go, releasing one another.
"I hope we're not interrupting something..." You turn to see Armin Arlert, a rookie from your fleet, approach the two of you awkwardly. "I'll be tending to Captain (Y/N)'s wounds... if you'd allow me." He clears his throat, clearly intimidated by the cold and striking facade emanating from Levi.
"Captain Erwin sent us." Mikasa added stoically. Ah yes, the ever so tactful commander.
"Were you brats watching?"
"No! Of course not!" Jean, Sasha, and Connie who were lagging from behind, dismiss Levi's claims with a dramatic wave of their hands. "We totally weren't-"
Levi sighs, "Look. Even if you were, I wouldn't get mad." There's a slight blush that slowly creeps on his face yet quickly fades away. "Just... don't get into details once Hanji or Erwin tries to bug you about it, alright?"
"Yes, Captain!"
"Thank you for coming to pick us up." You smile weakly as you let Armin kneel to tend to your wounds. "Who knows what could have happened if we were left here alone?" You nudge Levi's shoulder suggestively."
He smirks, chuckling to himself. "If we were, then they'll finally have more proof that the two of us are actually together, won't they?"
taglist: @crapimahuman @hu-tao-main @smg-valeria @moonless-abyss @midnightangelfox @dukina @chibishae34 @arvinrusselisbae @kenmakeii @eissaaaa @yummyyumi @the-one-that-lurks @prxttyguardian
#snk x reader#aot x reader#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi ackerman x y/n#attack on titan#levi ackerman fluff#levi x gn!reader#attack on titan x reader
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Vulnerable in The Dead of Night (M)
I wrote this QUICK, so if it’s bad, I’m so sorry, but I just wanted to get this out ASAP, so I hope you like it! Also, pls feel free to give me your thoughts or ask any questions, I love to answer them!
NOTE: This is part of The Household’s Bunny series, which I recommend you read before this bc otherwise, it may not make sense.
Summary: Taehyung finds himself consumed with self-loathing and crushing loneliness. You find Taehyung standing alone in the kitchen late at night, happy to see him again for the first time in weeks. The usually playful and flirty man is left with his feelings when faced with you in the dead of night.
Genre: Soft Yandere! Taehyung x Chubby! Reader
Word Count: 4k
Warnings: 18+, soft yandere tendencies, obsessive/possessive thoughts, crying, loneliness, self-loathing, abandonment issue, adopted person feeling unworthy of love, kissing, hickeys, cunnilingus, precum, blowjob, swallowing, dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, this is a yandere fic so unhealthy relationships are throughout this series
Taehyung felt like he was losing his mind, and maybe he was. What could he be doing wrong? How can you not know how he feels? How can Jimin get his point across better than him?
Do you not like him?
His pacing in the kitchen ceased at this thought.
No.
Surely, no. You liked him, right? You told him you did.
Although, that was before he and Namjoon had basically disappeared from your life these last two weeks. Is he that replaceable?
The nagging insecurity of his childhood crept up. Flashes of tears, isolation, and craving for love tugged at his mind. He shook his head. He wasn't a 6 year old watching his father leave him. He wasn't a 14 year old in a foster home. He just wasn't that 17 year old in a new home, trying to adapt. That wasn't him anymore. Taehyung was loved now, by many. So why not by you?
He blew out a shaky breath before finishing his glass of room temperature water. He was still dressed in his suit, having just gotten home from the final session of the blasted weeks-long project that kept him from you. His tie was more suffocating than ever but could not find a reason he deserved to undo it.
Too enraptured in his own thoughts, he didn't hear the soft pad of slippers downstairs or the tiny pants of regaining your breath from the nine flights you just went down in the dead of night, "Tae?" Your breathy voice sliced through the chaos in his mind and he let out a breathy chuckle, thinking he was going insane, hallucinating your voice.
Truly, he felt useless. He felt sub-human. He felt every piece of shit adult who turned his back on him must be justified if this was the best he could do. If a smokescreen of lovability with no love was his peak. If being alone with only hallucinations was the closest he could get to companionship-
He nearly choked on his water when he felt arms wrap tightly around his midsection, "Tae, you're home!" Your voice cleared the cloud of self-loathing and he looked down to see your half manicured nails, most of the polish chipped off. He slowly placed his hands on yours and was relieved to find you weren't a hallucination, "I missed you." He could feel your mouth moving against his suit jacket as you squeezed him a bit harder.
He let his eyes close as he relished in the feeling of you nuzzling into him, missing him.
Worried when he said nothing, you moved to detach yourself but he held your hands firmly, "Tae?" You questioned only for him to hum lightly.
"I missed you so much, little lamb." His voice was soft, the softest you'd ever heard it as his thumb stroked your palm, "I didn't know you missed me." His voice held a fondness you had never heard from him before. Usually, his tone was light and playful but now, he was almost melancholic.
Did he genuinely feel that way? The panic of one of the men you found yourself falling for each day thinking you didn't like him as much as you did take over and you moved for you both to face each other. Tae merely blinked before you were in front of him, hands holding his face, not searching in his eyes but looking to express something with yours, "Of course I missed you." You pouted, "You all mean the world to me."
He searched for any sign of a lie. He'd seen it time and time again from people in the entertainment industry, but with you, it was nothing but pure honesty, "Little lamb." He commanded your attention even though he already had it as you let your hands settle on each of his shoulders, "You mean that?"
"I would never lie to you." You didn't miss a beat before looking at him further, realizing he is not acting like he usually does, "Are you okay?" You asked lightly, eyes traveling over his form, hands working to undo his tie as you've done before when he asked you to help him, "Oh gosh, that must feel so suffocating this late at night." You mumbled and undid two of his top buttons. He grabbed your hands as you worked at the second button, making you look up.
"Do you wanna know how I feel, baby?" He asked, eyes a little darker now as he drank in your form, wearing a mere long shirt that reached the middle of your thighs with no shorts in sight. You nodded and his grip on you tightened but wasn't painful, "Jealous." He rasped and you looked up, confused, "Jealous that you don't cum for me or crave me like you do everyone else." His voice was strained despite neglecting Namjoon's own lack of experience with you.
You blinked, "I mean if you want sex, that's okay." He let go of your hands, one of his hands moving to grip your hip as the other cupped your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, "But you know that sex is just that, I mean, I like closeness and it makes me feel good, so I do it. But I also know that being sexually attracted to me doesn't mean you want me as your partner- oh!" He cut you off by pressing you roughly against the wall, his hand now cradling the back of your head to prevent you from getting hurt.
His gaze burned into you and you averted your eyes but the hand behind your head went to grip your chin, forcing your gaze to meet his own, and what a fierce gaze it was, "Who made you think that?" He snapped and continued when you struggled to respond, "Who convinced you that you're not just as worthy of pleasure as you are intimacy? Love? Companionship?"
You were dumbstruck. Part of you wanted to ask how long he had because you had a list. You remembered every person who made you feel that way whereas they surely forgot you moments after you either did or didn't succumb to their desires. Instead, your eyes began to water, "Why are you…?" You forced out, blinking back your tears, "I don't...I don't understand." You shook your head.
"I don't want to fuck you so bad just because you're the sexiest woman I've ever seen." Your breath hitched and your mind couldn't properly process his words, "I crave you." He breathed, leaning down, "I've been agonizing over how to come to terms with the fact that I feel so fucking strongly for someone who has no obligation to feel the same." Before you could even respond, he placed his mouth on yours in a bruising kiss.
You responded immediately, trying your best to convey your feelings in this sloppy kiss, tongues intertwined as you needily moaned when his hand wrapped your leg around him, but he didn't grind into you, he just pulled your closer. The kissing lessened in urgency and increased in passion as he gripped you with a near bruising force, "Tae…" You groaned into his mouth and found yourself nearly crying. You held him closer and he squeezed you to him.
"Yes, baby?" He moved to kiss lightly at the corner of your mouth, mouth moving to. kiss at your tears. He didn't need to ask you why you were crying. He knew. He felt it too. He felt the relief that came with being held close, being kissed, and is wanted as much as another wants you.
"Do you mean it?" You asked, crying more now, "You…"
"I feel so strongly for you." He affirmed and you shook your head, having a hard time believing him, "And that's so frightening because you could just leave and I..." He breathed shakily, head tucked into your neck, "I don't know how everyone else is holding it together when I know they feel the same-"
"I do too." You had to say it before you wouldn't, "All of you, I do." You sniffled, "But I can't find a reason why you guys would feel anything for me too." Your voice was breaking and he just crushed you to him further, "And I don't know if they feel that way, and-" You cried further, "I-I need to go to bed, I need to-" You tried to pull away from his crushing embrace to no avail.
You whined a bit at this. Your mind was scattered, and you didn't know what to do. There was so much going on yet nothing going on at all. You received a confession and so did he and yet, everything felt so complicated. The doubt of anyone wanting to be with you strangled your very being and made you want to stay in your room and never think about it again. Live alone in mediocrity and loneliness.
"Promise me you're not scared." His words were demanding but his tone was pleading, "I...I know it's a lot and I know I never act like this, but just, don't avoid it, don't avoid me." He sniffled and you relaxed, "The fact of the matter is, we feel the same about each other, the rest will come in time." He was regaining his composure and slowly you began to calm down. He was right. It was just you and him. Everyone else is at bay, they will get their time. You don't have to wake everyone up to know their feelings. You have time, "I know Jimin said his piece to you too, and we're not going anywhere, so please, don't go." His voice was stable again as he tucked in the scared and lonely little boy that haunts him sometimes and set his mind straight.
You nodded against him, honest and understanding of his words. You were nervous, sure, but only time would tell. If you run, you break your heart. But if you stay, you could either get your heart broken or get everything you want. It's a risk that you don't know how to calculate, but it's a risk you're willing to take. Maybe Taehyung is right and everyone feels the same about you in a way you could only dream. Just maybe.
He lets you go and you look at him, flawless as ever. His face was minorly red, tears minuscule and long gone by now, "We should go to bed." You murmured as Taehyung reached up to wipe away the stray tears on your cheeks and he nodded.
He held your hand as he pressed the elevator button, lightly scolding you for taking nine flights of stairs in slippers with no traction, "Wow, you tell me you tell me you like me and now I'm getting chewed out." You giggled, the feeling of someone fussing over your safety was quite refreshing.
He looked at you incredulously, "If you fell or hurt yourself, all hell would break loose." He chided and you hummed.
You broke out into a goofy smile, "You like me." You giggled and the man next to you gave you a side-eyed glare before giving up on containing his own smile.
"Yeah well," He paused for a moment, smiling to himself, "You like me back." He chuckled and you felt your face heat up.
He squeezed your hand and you watched the floors tick up to your own, "Tae?"
"Yes?" He asked, noticing your voice got quieter, more unsure.
"Do you have anything to do tomorrow or do you want to stay with me tonight?" You forced out, nervous he would say no.
Little did you see, he broke out into a cheerful smile and thanked his lucky stars before responding coolly, "I'd be honored to stay with you tonight."
The elevator dinged just in time and you held his hand all the way to your bedroom before finally standing to face him. You studied his face for the nth time tonight. He was still beautiful each time and the moonlight only further deified his beauty further, "You're all so beautiful." You mused, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.
"And all yours." He breathed.
You scoffed, "Sounds impossible."
"Start believing, my darling." His voice was as smooth and deep as ever and you looked into his eyes and found an emotion you'd never seen before.
Maybe you could do this. Maybe Taehyung was right and all 7 of them felt the same. Maybe you were deserving of sex and love.
And quite possibly it was your own resignation of maybe of the whole situation that made you reach up and push his suit jacket off of his shoulders. Confused, he still shrugged off the jacket, letting it fall to the floor. You reached up and began undoing the third button on his shirt. With more of his chest exposed you reached your hands up and feel the exposed skin of his chest softly, "Baby, what are you- fuck!" You cut him off, leaning up to suck onto his neck harshly before licking the spot. Your breath hit his neck, "You have got to be careful or I may not be able to control myself." You merely smiled before licking a stripe along the column of his throat and you could feel the vibration of his groan against your tongue before kissing along his jaw, "I don't want you to think I just confessed to you so I could come up here and-" He cut himself off with a strangled growl as you shifted your leg up for your thigh to brush against his erection.
"I like how cumming feels knowing you're still going to like me the next day." You spoke honestly and Taehyung wanted to find every person who didn't make you feel that way, "Unless you don't want to do anything, which is fine." You nuzzled into his neck, "I just, want to be close to you in more ways than one."
He pulled back to look at you properly and found no doubt in your eyes. With Jimin, sexual acts had been a show of emotions. Now that you thought about it, even what happened with Yoongi and Jin felt like something different than what you were used to. In each sexual encounter, there was a level of care, making it feel so alien. Even with Jungkook and Hoseok, there was something there that you didn't know, intimacy. And yet, it felt so good.
Nevertheless, he asked, "Are you sure?" You nodded and he smiled, head dipping down to kiss you deeply. You continued your work on the buttons of his shirt while your tongues felt each other. Your hands went to his belt, undoing the Italian leather before you pulled away from his mouth and began kissing down his neck and his hands intertwined with your hair, "Baby, you don't have to make me cum." He breathed and you sucked at his neck to protest.
"I want to feel you in my mouth." You whined, hand reaching into the pants you unbuttoned to grip his dick over his briefs, "Please?"
He nodded, eyes heavy, unsure how he could ever say no to you in the first place, "On the bed though, I don’t want you to hurt your knees." His voice was soft and you giggled at his wholesome request but nodded anyway.
You sat on the bed as he rid himself of his mostly taken-off clothing. You both tangled into each other as he kissed while he laid over you on your bed. You lightly pushed him to flip over so you were on top of him, legs straddling his hips. His hands glided over your thighs, squishing the skin gleefully as you continued peppering kissing down his chest, pressing your core into his bare erection, making you let out a needy moan, “You’re so hard.” You whispered, mouth sliding down his body.
Before you knew it, you reached his dick and of course, it was pretty. You wrapped your hands around the base and he sucked in a breath through his teeth before you licked at the precum at the tip before taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and he let out the most delicious grunt,” So good to me, my little lamb.” He praised you in a gravelly voice and you felt yourself get wetter as his hands curled into your hair, “Fuck, just like that.” He groaned as you hollowed your cheeks and sucked him further. The dark room was filled with sounds of you drooling all over his erection as he praised you and was very vocal with his pleasure. The praise made you moan against his dick in delight, “My little lamb likes to be praised, huh?” He cooed, voice strained and breath heavy as you nodded, never letting his length escape your lips, “So perfect for me, aren’t you?” You hummed in delight as he threw his head back, fingers tensing in your hair as he did his best to not pull it or push your head down. However, determined to please, you guided his hand to push you further, nodding to let him know it was okay. He was gentle as he guided your head, his other hand intertwining with yours as a sweet gesture. You bobbed rhythmically and you could hear his noises becoming less and less controlled, “Fuck, I’m getting close.” He warned and you responded with a strong suck that made his hips lift off the bed, “Where do you want me to cum?” He asked urgently and you answered by looking up at him through your lashes with a look way too innocent for someone about to drink down his cum. It was that look that sent him over the edge and you felt him cum in your mouth. You drank him dry before letting his dick go with a resounding pop.
“Did I do well?” You asked and, his hand still in your hair, pulled you to him as he nodded before planting a sweet kiss on your lips.
“Perfect, baby, perfect.” He was breathless but still intent on kissing you deeply as he sat up, hands going to your thighs to grip the hem of your shirt, “Can I taste you, little lamb?” He asked and you nodded.
“Please.” You whined as he kissed your throat, going over the hickeys you had from the other me in the house, all of them mostly faded except for the one Jimin gave you. He lifted the shirt, only detaching from marking you to strip you of your clothing. He laid you down as he slipped your panties off, groaning at how you were glistening.
“You this wet for me, sweetheart?” He spoke huskily and you hummed desperately as his finger slid from your clit to your drenched hole slowly, “I really wanted to go slow, but fuck,” His finger slid in with little resistance much to his delight, “You’re just so ready for me, aren’t you?” You nodded, panting as his finger fucked slowly into you and he raised a brow, expecting you to be verbal.
“Yes, yes, I’m ready Sir, please.” You gasped out, fighting the urge to wiggle your hips as you confirmed with the honorific you trusted him enough to give yourself fully.
“Just because you’ve been so sweet to me,” He leaned down, breath fanning over your drenched core, “I won’t make you beg this time.” He kissed your clit, making you twitch before his tongue licked a stripe from your clenching hole to your clit, making you gasp, “You taste so fucking good, no wonder Jin and Yoongi were so smug for days.” He rasped and felt you clench around him further, “Oh?” He chuckled darkly as his tongue flicked your clit, “You like when I talk about the others? You wish they were here watching you squirm around my finger?” You writhed in delight as he slid another finger in, “You wish they were here helping me get you off so pretty, holding you down so you’ll be still like a good girl?” He teased you and it only soaked his fingers and tongue further as he slurped you intently. Taehyung had been waiting what felt like his whole life to have you come apart in his clutch and feel your sweet cum on his tongue.
He tasted you intently, fucking into you a little quicker as he let you squirm around him. He would be lenient and kind this time around, because of both of your desperations and tearful confessions. There was so much to feel and so much to taste, and he just wanted to have you crumble in his clutch. You were well on your way to be his, theirs, and he would be yours in return. He wanted to channel his hunger for you as he moaned into your pussy. You were already getting off by making him cum and now, you were unsure how long you would last if he kept flexing his tongue and running it over your clit as he curled his fingers in your cunt, hitting a particularly sensitive spot that made your back arch off the bed.
He murmured dirty and sweet nothings into your pussy as you clutched the sheets with a death grip, doing your best to not push his head into your core. You wanted him to have total control over your body and pleasure in this moment, “You’re getting close.” He cooed teasingly and you nodded, spurring him to take his fingers out.
You cried out as he chuckled, sucking your juices from the two fingers, “Please, I wanna cum, please, please!” You whimpered, pushing your hips up as he let his fingers go from his mouth.
“Shit, you’re so fucking cute.” He groaned, hands pinning your hips to the bed as you squirmed, “I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry.” He kissed at your clit, eliciting a desperate cry, “You just have to be really good for me and cum while I fuck you with my tongue.” He licked at your hole as you nodded eagerly, “Can you be good for me and do that?” His voice was dripping with lust.
“Yes, Sir, I can, I will, please!” You babbled, having been so close to cumming just moments ago.
You calling him Sir made his teasing nature disappear as he slid his tongue into you with a groan on his end and with you nearly screaming as he fucked into you. He moved inside of you as your walls fluttered, slowly clenching more and more as you could feel your high coming. It was when his hand went to rub quick circles onto your clit that you came with a strangled moan.
His tongue fucked you through your high and he only pulled away when your back settled back onto the bed and you were trying to catch your breath. He kissed your stomach before going to put on his briefs as he slid your panties back on. He hovered over you, placing a quick kiss on your mouth as you wrapped your arms around him, humming in bliss, “You’re such a good girl.” You keened at his praise as he placed a kiss on your cheek before rolling over to pull you in his arms, holding you tight.
“Now you get to be smug.”You giggled tiredly, eyes closing as you listened to his heartbeat.
He chuckled, equally tired as he kissed the crown of your head, “I already am.” He mused, “Goodnight, little lamb.” His voice was soft and sweet as you could only muster another blissful hum.
Now, you were starting to understand what was so different about all of your sexual, or near-sexual, interactions with almost everyone. It was the emotion in it.
You’ve had people say they liked you, get what they want, and then never see you again. However, the guys, barring Tae and Jimin, hadn’t said they liked you, but they tried to communicate it. They held you close, they stayed to cuddle with you after. There was care in the way they touched your body and it was liberating. It was frightening, the idea of getting used to something that could just go away one day, but nevertheless, you let your consciousness fade, knowing he would be there tomorrow morning.
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#yandere bts#yandere smut#yandere bts smut#bts smut#kim taehyung#kim taehyung smut#kim taehyung angst#bts fanfic#bts series#bts drabble series#the household bts
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Hi! Have u done any pregnant Hanji and overprotective daddy Levi already?? Yep i think im craving for more domestic levihan family, im sorry 😭
Im a bit new here in the community, and when i read ur works, i fell in love with it already, thank you for existing!!! 💖💖💖
Hello anon! Thank you so much, I’m so glad you enjoyed my other fics :3 Sorry for the very long wait for this one, I've been struggling to find the time/motivation to write lately, but I'm feeling a little better and I figured I'd get to work on some of my prompts. Starting here!!
It ended up a little less domestic and a touch more angsty than I had originally planned, but only for a moment--happy endings all round!
Warning: this does start off with non-graphic depictions of nausea/vomiting, I hope that doesn't bother you!
Hange had been feeling unwell for days.
It wasn't an uncommon occurrence—Hange tended to wake up feeling nauseous some days, most often when she'd neglected to eat a decent meal the evening before—but this was the fourth morning in a row now, that Hange found herself bent over the toilet bowl in the early hours of the morning, heaving up nothing but acid and empty air.
She retched until her stomach ached. There was nothing left to bring up, but her gut still rolled unpleasantly and there was a telling tremor under her tongue that warned her it might be best to stay in the bathroom a little while longer. She settled heavily against the wall to catch her breath.
It didn't make any sense. For most of the day, Hange felt fine. A little tired, maybe, but that was only to be expected after spending half the night every night on the bathroom floor. Tonight, no doubt, would follow the uncomfortably familiar routine: Hange would dry-heave a little longer, until the queasiness abated enough for Levi to convince her to come back to bed, and then she would toss and turn, too warm beneath the bed clothes, until she could fall into a restless sleep. She'd wake up feeling a little groggy, a little bleary, unreasonably hungry, but after a coffee and some breakfast she would feel well again. Perfectly normal.
Like clockwork, Levi appeared in the doorway just as Hange had flopped herself back over the toilet. She felt his palm, cool and soft, press against the back of her neck. Hange gathered her hair back from her face with both hands, braced her elbows on the toilet bowl, letting out a groan of discomfort as her stomach twisted, threatened to revolt again. Levi's thumb rubbed soothingly against her neck.
Sure enough, she brought up nothing more, but she gagged plenty, and found herself gasping for breath by the time she leaned back against Levi, aching and exhausted. His lips pressed into her damp hair.
Levi was as silent as always. His touch was pleasant, his presence welcome. Hange needed the hand he offered to pull her to her feet, needed his reassuring grip at her hips as she brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth out. Her quaking knees felt unstable beneath her.
He lay facing her after they got into bed. Hange was sprawled out atop the covers, shifting restlessly to find the coolest patches on the bed. Levi watched her for a moment, then said, "This isn't normal."
Hange only grumbled.
"You said you'd book an appointment with the doctor."
Hange grumbled again. Levi ticked his tongue and rolled to lie on his back, staring at the ceiling.
"Call tomorrow."
"If I didn't know better," Hange said sluggishly, "I'd say you were worried about me."
He scowled and rolled onto his other side, his back to her now.
"No, just sick of waking up at half four every morning to drag you back to bed."
Hange managed a small, wicked snicker, but shuffled across the space between them and pressed an apologetic kiss to the back of his neck.
"Must be dreadful," she said. Her voice sounded raw, hoarse. She buried her nose into his hair and took a long, deep breath. Levi grunted, but reached back and pulled her arm loosely over his hip. He knotted their fingers together loosely.
"Call them, Hange."
Hange gave his fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze.
"I will."
**
Hange prided herself on being a reasonably intelligent person. She had two degrees, was working towards her doctorate, and already had her name on a small handful of peer-reviewed research papers. She spoke multiple languages, read dissertations for fun, kept a (in Levi’s words) disgustingly realistic human skeleton in a box under the bed for study purposes, and had spent the better part of the last 26 years of her life studying human biology and physiology.
How she had not predicted that she might be pregnant was almost unfathomable.
She left the doctors office in a daze with an appointment card and several pamphlets in hand. She had been referred hastily to a midwife and the hospital would soon be sending out a date for an ultrasound—“As soon as possible,” the doctor had said, “since you’re not sure how far along you are.”
The thing is, Hange had been on the same birth control pill for years now. Forgetful as she may be about many, many things (like eating, and bathing, and washing the dishes and taking out the garbage and and and), Hange was religious in taking that damn pill at the same time every single day. She had never missed it, not even once. Without a regular cycle, Hange had no way of predicting when they had conceived, and the doctor was eager to make sure no essential landmarks in her antenatal care were missed, if they could possibly help it.
The thought had never even crossed her mind. It seemed ridiculous now, in hindsight. The sickness was one thing, but now that she thought about it, there were a whole host of small oddities that Hange could easily attribute to pregnancy. Lethargy, and bloating, heartburn, and she had been peeing more than usual—Hange groaned, and scrubbed her hands over her face. She should have suspected, at least. Should have put the pieces together sooner.
But, stupid and naive as it may be, she hadn’t thought it possible. Why worry about it, when Hange had taken consistent precautions to avoid it?
She felt queasy the entire bus ride home.
It wasn’t that she was against the idea of having children. One day, maybe. When she had finished her doctorate, got herself a steady, well-paid job. When she and Levi had moved out of their tiny, cramped apartment into somewhere bigger, somewhere more suited for a family.
And god. Levi.
This was something they’d never really talked about. For his part, Levi never seemed all that interested. He was good with Hange’s nieces and nephews, and Erwin’s son adored him, and he hadn’t showed any express dislike for children, but—well, tolerating other peoples little brats and raising your own are two very different things.
What if Levi didn’t want the baby? What if he did? Hange wasn’t even sure herself what she wanted to do about the whole situation—what if she didn’t want it? What if, after some reflection, Hange decided now wasn’t a good time? Could they even afford a baby right now? Hange’s money was tied up in her education, while Levi was just making ends meet at the office. They got by well enough with just the two of them, but add in a baby? A whole other person, entirely dependant on them for support? Hange could barely feed and bathe herself, some days, never mind responsibly care for a child.
By the time the bus pulled up near the house, Hange felt more distressed than ever. Levi, at least, was at work until the evening, so she had a few more hours to herself to mull everything over, but the entire situation made her stomach clench and churn unpleasantly with every new thought.
The prospect of having a child was terrifying. The prospect of not having this child was nauseating.
Levi had left the flat in pristine condition when he had left for work, but Hange barely had the energy to feel even a little guilty as she shrugged off her coat and kicked off her shoes, leaving both strewn about the floor. She dumped her bag and made her way sluggishly through to the bedroom.
Levi had made the bed. The sheet was stretched flat over the mattress, the pillows perfectly fluffed and set against the headboard. Hange’s nightshirt, one of Levi’s old, baggy shirts, too stretched and threadbare for him to wear, had been folded neatly and left on her side of the bed, her slippers lined up smartly with the bed frame. For some reason—hormones, she told herself—her eyes watered, and a lump swelled in her throat. She sniffled pitifully as she stripped off her clothes and pulled on the shirt, clambering into the bed and tugging the sheets until the cocooned around her.
Hange passed the rest of the day tossing and turning in bed. She tried to nap, but her mind was too restless, occupied with thoughts of the baby, with the concept of having to tell Levi when he came home. She could try to lie, say the doctors had done some blood work, that she was waiting on the results of some test or other, but Levi knew her too well. She could never lie to him, and her despondent state would give her away before she had the chance to say anything.
The sun was beginning to set by the time she heard Levi’s keys in the door. She felt exhausted, head aching with all the thinking, considering, weighing up her options; with running over every possible outcome she could imagine. Keeping the baby, getting rid of the baby, Levi not wanting the baby, Levi leaving over the baby—every scenario she could imagine was worse than the last. There was only one idea that she had hardly dared entertain, in fear of disappointment if things didn’t work out.
She heard Levi call out for her, but gave no answer. She listened, curled up in a ball on her side, as he shuffled around, no doubt picking up her coat and shoes from where she had abandoned them. And then he made his way towards the bedroom, steps soft on the plush carpet. The bedroom door creaked open.
“Hange?”
She made a small, warbled noise under the bedclothes. Levi came to sit on the bed, the mattress dipping beneath his weight. His hand found the curve of Hange’s hip.
“How was it?”
Hange made another noncommittal sound. She wiped her nose and eyes on the sheets, but didn’t dare show her face just yet. She wasn’t ready. She had never prepared for this conversation, never even imagined it before today. It was too soon. Not enough time to rehearse.
Levi’s hand moved to her back, rubbing lightly up and down her spine, before dropping to the mattress behind her. He leaned over her, and she felt his lips press warm and gentle to the point of her shoulder. A fresh wave of tears poured over the bridge of her nose and down the side of her face.
She tried to be quiet, but something—the shake of her shoulder, perhaps, or the shudder of air as she tried to take a steadying breath in—gave way to her crying. Levi moved off the bed, but Hange felt his fingers prying lightly at the sheets, pulling them down until he could get a good look at her face. He was kneeling by the bed now, face level with her, and he looked at her with worry pinching deep creases between his brows.
“Oi, what’d they say?”
Hange bit the inside of her lip and rubbed her damp cheek on the pillow. If Levi was bothered by her using their bedding as a tissue, he didn’t show it. He simply looked at her, eyes darting over her face, searching. It occurred to Hange then how this must look to him. She had gone to the doctors due to unexplained, violent sickness, and now she is in bed, hours later, still crying about whatever news she had received.
“I’m fine,” she said. Levi’s tense shoulders relaxed a fraction, but his face remained pinched, frowning and concerned. Hange wanted to tell him quickly, simply, like ripping off a plaster, but the words would not come. She opened her mouth, but her throat constricted painfully.
Eventually, she said, “my bag. There’s some stuff in my bag. Have a look.”
Levi gave her a somewhat quizzical look, but stood, dropping a quick kiss to her temple before going to fetch the bag, and dipping his hand in to fish out the contents inside.
Hange watched with her breath held and her stomach clenched as Levi pulled out the handful of leaflets and turned them over, looking at each one in turn. His eyes widened fractionally as comprehension dawned on him. His lips pressed into a thin line. Leaden weight settled in Hange’s gut. She curled into a tighter ball, pressing the bedsheets over her mouth and nose, waiting for him to gather himself enough to say something.
After a moment, he spoke.
“That’s all?”
Huh? “Huh?!”
Hange disentangled her arms from the sheets and sat up, staring at him. Levi moved to sit on the edge of the bed again, a scowl back on his face, though there was an intriguing flush high on his cheeks as he whacked her lightly on the top of the head with the leaflets.
“Stupid four-eyes,” he said, exasperated. “Crying like that. I thought you were dying.”
“I’m pregnant.” Hange said the word slowly, carefully, in case Levi had somehow misunderstood. He had the audacity to look at her like she was stupid.
“I can see that.”
“And you have nothing more to say about it? That’s all?”
Levi shrugged a little at her. Aside from the small patches of colour in his cheeks, Levi seemed wholly unfazed by the revelation.
“It’s just a baby. We can handle a baby.”
“That doesn’t terrify you?”
Levi scrutinised her for a moment, before he said, “are you scared?”
“Yes? Yes! How are you so calm? We can’t afford a baby—we don’t have the time for a baby? Where will they going to sleep? We don’t have a spare room. Can we get time off work to take care of a baby? How will we pay for childcare when we can’t be around?”
“Hange,” Levi said, putting a stop to her rambling. He watched her with a pinched stare. “Do you not want it?”
Hange had spent the majority of the day mulling over this same question. Staring a family was a huge, life-changing commitment, something that required careful forethought and planning. They had not had that luxury. Hange was pregnant now. She had doubts and fears, more than she could ever express, but the idea of simply having a baby—of having this baby—wasn’t upsetting. In the small, brief moments she had allowed herself to imagine a future where she and Levi were parents, where they weren’t wanting for money or time, where things were well, she felt happy. Giddy. The prospect was almost exciting.
“It’s not that,” Hange said earnestly. “I do—I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I—I do want it. But I just—we had no time to prepare. We have no savings, we have no space, I’m a mess. How are we supposed to take care of a tiny person? Babies are hard work, Levi.”
“You’re already hard work.”
Hange laughed weakly, and wiped at her face again. Levi pressed a kiss to her raw cheek.
“We’ll figure it out,” he said.
Hange leaned into him, sighing quietly.
“Is this the kind of thing we can just figure out?”
Levi hummed, shrugging his shoulder. His fingers skimmed up beneath Hange’s shirt, splaying over the small of her back and pulling her closer.
“Why not? We’ve done a good job bullshitting our way through everything else.”
Hange laughed lightly and bumped the side of her head against Levi’s.
“This is different, Levi. This is a person. A tiny little person who is going to need me and you to do everything for them. What if we can’t do it? What if we mess up?”
“Hange.” Levi pulled back a little and his hands came up to grip either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. “Stop. I know all that. But if you want the brat, and I want the brat, we’ve got no choice but to get on with it.”
“I know, I know, but—wait, you want the baby?”
Levi maintained eye contact with her, but it seemed to take a concentrated effort to do so. The flush of his cheeks deepened a little and his lips quirked at the corners. No doubt to compensate for the show of emotion, he pulled his face into his customary frown.
“It’s fine,” he said. Hange fought the urge to roll her eyes and caught his hands as he lowered them from her face, pulling them into her lap.
“Are you saying that because it’s already too late, or do you want to keep it?”
Levi’s face took on a look of constipated strain. He curled his lip as though in distaste, then hooked a hand around the back of Hange’s neck and pulled her face to his abruptly, smacking a kiss to her lips. He let his forehead settle against hers and stroked his thumb over the hinge of her jaw.
He fought to keep his tone neutral, but Hange could hear the happy tremor in his voice as he said again, “It’s fine.”
For the first time since hearing the news that day, Hange allowed herself to feel excited. To accept the idea that she and Levi were about to start their own bizarre little family. That Levi was still with her felt incredible enough, but to know that he was pleased—it was more than she could ever have hoped for. Hange gave a wet laugh and kissed him again.
“Are you allergic to looking happy?” Hange asked as they broke apart. Levi clicked his tongue and pulled back to flick her square between the eyebrows. She laughed a little louder and leaned to wipe her runny nose on his shoulder. Levi muttered under his breath, but didn’t push her away.
“Okay,” Hange said, after a moment. She sat back and pushed her hair back from her face. “Okay. We’re having a baby, then.”
Levi’s rubbed the smile from his lips with the back of his hand, nodding. “We’re having a baby.”
Hange sunk down to flop back over the pillows. Levi looked down at her, head tilted, chewing the inside of his lip. Hange reached up to brush his fringe off his forehead, warmth spilling in her chest when he held her hand close and turned to kiss her palm.
She smiled a little playfully, and freed a leg from the sheets to dig her toes into his ribs.
“If I’d known you wanted kids I would have been significantly less stressed, you know.”
Levi quirked a brow at her.
“I’ve told you that before.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“I have. At your sisters wedding.”
Hange racked her brain, searching for the conversation. She remembered the occasion, and she remembered that she and Levi had somehow ended up babysitting Hange’s family brood. She remembered Levi, wrestling to keep her youngest nephew on his lap while the eldest, still only five or six at the time, was clambering up the back of his chair, sticky hands tugging at Levi’s collar. Hange fought hard to recall more of what was said, but could remember nothing at all of Levi announcing that he had wanted one of his own.
“You said these brats aren’t so bad,” Hange said slowly.
Levi nodded at her. Hange waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t, only looked at her like there was nothing more he needed to say.
“That’s it? That’s your idea of telling me you want kids?”
“The hell else could I have meant?”
Hange dug her toe at him again but Levi caught her foot this time, pushing it firmly down onto the mattress. Hange reached for him with both arms instead, curling them around the back of his neck and tugging him down quickly. He toppled over her with a quiet oof, and Hange rolled them quickly, straddling his waist and dropping her weight down onto him.
“That is the kind of thing you say clearly, Levi! These brats aren’t so bad—you’re ridiculous!”
Levi wrestled with her arms a little longer before giving up and bringing his hands instead to rest low on her hips. He watched her with a curious expression on his face, something open and soft, and then his eyes roved down to her abdomen and his thumbs brushed inwards, beneath the hem of her shirt, stroking over her lower belly.
This time, he didn’t fight his smile.
He reached up and pulled her down by the neck, and kissed her soundly. Hange melted against him, welcomed the press of his tongue between her lips, shuddered pleasantly when he nipped at her bottom lip. She went with him willingly as he rolled them both over, nudging a knee between her legs and settling his weight against her.
She was spreading her legs to make space for him, when he paused suddenly, and pulled back, leaning over the bed and scooping through the discarded back of leaflets. Hange, winded and dishevelled, watched him incredulously as he flicked through the contents of one, then tossed it aside and opened another.
“What are you doing?”
Without looking up, Levi replied, “Checking.”
“Checking what?”
“I wanna know if we can still—” he waved a hand between them, and went back to searching.
“We’ve been—” Hange mimicked his gesture, “—up until now anyway.”
Levi looked up at her, looking mildly horrified. He held up one his open leaflet and said, “You’ve been drinking alcohol, too. You’re not supposed to do that. And look, here—you’re not supposed to overwork. You’ll have to take on less hours at the university. And you’ll eat. Proper damn meals. Every day.”
Hange flopped back against the pillows, eyes rolling, watching as Levi picked up each new leaflet in turn, pointing out every little adjustment that Hange would have to make.
“This one says you should get eight to ten hours sleep per night. Every night. And not so much coffee, the caffeine’s bad for the baby.”
The baby. It sounded surreal. It sounded ridiculous. Levi shifted to sit against the headboard beside her after opening the chunky little What to Expect While Expecting volume Hange had been handed while leaving the doctors. He seemed thoroughly engrossed, and seemingly unaware when one of his hands reached out to pull Hange’s hair free of its ponytail and sink into her hair. She hummed happily as his nails scraped over her scalp.
Things were still scary, and Hange was still uncertain about how this whole adventure might turn out. But Levi was still with her, and Levi was happy, and that—
—Well, that was good enough.
#levihan#ask#my writing#this was fun!! thank you :D#hoping I can get around to the other prompts soon too!!
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A Wife for Thor Pt.18
Annulment
03/06/2021
Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 6,291
Warnings: angst, pregnancy, broken marriages, depression, abandonment, little bits of fluff, supportive Loki
A/N: After I finished the last chapter, I went right to work on this one because the mood was good and I’ve been wanting to get these chapters out since the very beginning. These are the moments that drive me to write fics. The point of contention when everything gets messy. I hope you enjoy it, thank you so much for your comments and reblogs. Since I posted this one so quickly after the one before I will be replying to the comments on this one instead of the one before. I hope you can forgive me! <3 Thanks for reblogging if you do, it seriously helps SO much. xoxo
If you were ever in question as to whether you had a fight or flight instinct when faced with stressful situations, you now know that your instinct is to freeze.
You’re immobilized by the terror that’s tearing through you. Nothing feels real at this moment when your whole world has suddenly come crashing down.
Only seconds have passed but you quickly push your meltdown as deep within you as you can.
One hand placed on your belly in an absentminded caress of the baby growing inside, you reach for the door to go in and tell Thor you’re pregnant. It doesn’t matter that Jane is pregnant too.
You’re his wife. This little one inside you is the heir to the New Asgardian throne. And yet, your mind starts to add up the time that Jane might have become pregnant and her baby would come first.
Her child would be heir, not yours. Legitimate or not. These days, that stands for nothing.
So, despite knowing that you’ll have to deal with Jane for the rest of your life as she is the mother of your husband’s first child, it’s really not all that bad.
He loves you.
Thor loves you.
While you process this sudden revelation, the conversation on the other side of the door continues not waiting for you to come to get a grip.
“Are you certain?”
“Do you doubt her?” Thor demands, sounding frustrated and stressed.
“Yes,” Loki says passionately, “I would doubt anyone that I have not seen in several months.
“What reason would she have to lie?” Thor begs, genuinely looking for an excuse that will make this untrue. “She has never wanted the responsibility of the throne. She has always spoken of having children as a distant possibility. Not an assurance. The last thing Jane would want is a baby.”
“When did you even have the opportunity to bed her? Did you secretly make her your mistress?”
“No!” Thor gasps, as if the idea of cheating on you is ridiculous. “No, I-it was the day I went to end things with her when Y/N accepted my proposal.”
“So, you slept with Jane and then came back home and bedded your new fiance on the same day?”
“I’m not proud of that fact,” Thor admits.
“Regardless, even if you did sleep with her, you need to have her examined, Thor. You cannot take her on her word, not with so much on the line.”
“Fine,” Thor agrees, “But I’m certain that she isn’t lying. She’s been tired and sluggish since she arrived, her appetite strange, and this past week she’s been sick at every meeting, unable to hold down any of her lunch.”
A deep sigh from Loki tells you he’s resigned to Thor’s judgement. Jane is pregnant.
“What will you do?” Loki asks.
The quiet tone of their voices more dire than the passionate denial Thor’s voice had been just a moment ago.
You should go in now. You’ll tell him that you don’t care that Jane is pregnant. You’ll support him and assure him that if he wants them to move into the palace or maybe one of the houses on the palace grounds, you won’t mind! In fact, it will be better so that your babies can grow together as true siblings.
“Y/N is not pregnant yet,” Thor says slowly, his voice calculating.
He’s thinking hard.
“What is your point, brother?” Loki demands, sounding defensive.
“If-” Thor breathes in deep, but when he speaks, the words tumble out sure and decided. “If I am to do right by Jane’s and my child, if I am to legitimize my heir, I’ll-”
He hesitates, your heart thrumming so fast and hard that you can hear it’s beat in your ears as your brain throbs.
“I’ll get an annulment. The basis of which will be that Y/N has been unable to provide me with an heir. I’ll get sworn statements from her doctors that our-our bodies are not compatible and since Jane is already pregnant-”
You take a step as if to run but freeze because you know you can’t do this. No. You can’t face this. Not here. Not this close to him and her and all of this stupid royal bullshit that you never asked for but got anyway.
As you fracture from the inside, you paint a calm smile on your face and while you pull it off, you can’t disguise the exhaustion that pokes through. You take several feet back from the door, giving yourself a good length of hallway to walk.
You straighten up, stand as tall as you can, and move towards the parted door, “Thor?”
There’s a rush of movement from inside as you reach the war room and you try to keep your hand from trembling as you reach down and pull the door open.
Inside, Loki stands ramrod straight, hands behind his back and his face carefully devoid of any kind of expression other than his normal neutral.
Thor turns away from his desk, forcing a smile for you until he sees your face and his own falls quickly.
You know he doesn’t think you overheard him because you’d given yourself plenty of distance so that he and Loki could stop talking before you were close enough to hear anything.
But he knows something is wrong and he moves towards you, right hand extended to take hold of your arm.
Trying not to make it obvious, you meander towards one of the tall wooden chairs by the war table and sit down before Thor can touch you.
“What is it, cherub? Are you ill?” Thor wonders, moving towards you.
Feigning interest in the small models of the outposts that the Warriors Three occupy across the planet, you get up and move away from him again as you lean down to look at the one in the United States.
“I’m-to be honest, I am feeling a little under the weather,” you nod, sighing as you give him a quick pained smile.
You clear your throat, hoping that it sounds like you’ve got a tickle.
“I’ll send for the doctor,” Thor moves towards the cord by the door but you stand up straight quickly and shake your head.
“No, Thor, don’t. I think maybe I just need some rest?” you nod, smiling at him again but it still just looks painful. “I came to ask you if it would be okay for me to go stay at my house for a little while? Maybe a week or so? Just so that I can get some proper sleep and-and maybe find out if it’s really me getting sick or I’m just stressed out about this park project?”
“I thought the park was almost done?” Loki checks.
“And it is,” you nod at him. “But we’ve had so much trouble with the import of several of the plants that I’d wanted to have in the wildflower corner of the park and the fountains are still giving us trouble so, I-I just need a few days to get away from it.”
You turn back to Thor who isn’t looking at you anymore but has his hand pressed to his mouth as he loses himself in thought.
As you watch him contemplate and weigh his options, wondering if he should seize this very convenient opportunity you’ve intentionally given him to make up his mind on what to do about Jane and her baby, you very nearly break.
Your lip quivers and in your desire to hide it, you move back towards the door and feign a quick peek out as if looking for someone.
“Thor?” you prod, getting a hold of yourself and turn to fix him with your expectant gaze. “Is that okay? Can I take a few days to just rest up?”
He snaps out of his thoughts and his face softens. You see the Thor who’d just had you perched on his lap, arm around your waist.
“Of course, cherub, if you need some time then you should take it.”
The sadness that fills you is urged on by the knowledge that before Jane’s pregnancy was revealed, Thor would have insisted he come with you.
There is no way that he would have let you go off on your own.
As he moves towards you, this time you make sure not to budge as he places his hands gently on your arms.
He cups the left side of your face, stroking your cheek with his large thumb before he makes to lean in towards you.
Instead of pulling away or making it look too obvious, you press your face in against his chest and he strokes your back as you successfully juke his kiss.
“No, don’t kiss me. I-I threw up and I haven’t brushed my teeth,” you pretend to fuss.
“You know I don’t care, cherub,” Thor nudges you back a little.
“Well, I do.”
You shake your head at him, delving deep into your soul to scrounge up whatever pieces of it you can find and give him a small pout instead.
“Alright,” Thor gives in, but he still leans down and presses his lips to your cheek and then your forehead before you’re pulling away from him to edge towards the door.
“I should go if I want to catch the next flight out,” you tell him.
“Y/N,” he calls and you stop by the door to look back at him, wishing he’d just let you go so that you can fall apart alone and away from all the eyes of the palace.
Thor clenches his hand into a tight fist, gently tapping it against the war table as you wait.
“I love you.”
You blink, give him a quick forced smile, and sigh because despite the heartache you’re drowning in, “I love you too, Thor. So much.”
As you walk away, you know that nothing will ever be the same. In a week’s time, you might not even be Queen anymore. Wouldn’t that be something?
~~~~~~~~~~
You’re given a bodyguard. Well, more like a friend who can kick serious ass. Hilde was happy to volunteer.
“Something’s up,” she observes as she escorts you into the airport gate.
Normally you’d have set up for a private plane, or Thor would have.
But he has other things on his mind.
“What do you mean?” you ask her, clearing your throat again for the fifth time since you left the palace in order to uphold the pretense of feeling sick.
“Your face is all wrong, you’re not saying something.”
“I have nothing to hide, Hilde. I’m just tired. I feel weak and beaten. I feel like I can’t catch my breath. Like I’ll crack if I’m not careful enough to hold myself together.”
All of this is true. You do feel like you’re about to crumble to pieces. Nothing you just said is a lie. You’re not hiding anything, just waiting. In a week’s time, you’ll know where you stand. And then you can tell Hilde everything.
“How long have you felt this way?” Hilde wonders, real concern painting her tone.
“Not long,” you tell her. “It just started today, actually. About two hours ago?”
“There’s something more,” she refuses to believe that you’re only sick. “It’s like you’re running from something.”
“What would I be running from, Hilde? My luxurious and comfortable life? My loving husband? My sweet and loyal people? My life is perfect. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.
“I have a family. The only thing I’ve ever wanted. Why would I run from that? Unless of course, I’m being kicked out?”
Hilde fixes you with a look of complete confusion.
As you hand over your ticket to the man at the gate, you force a smile on your friend.
“If I were being kicked out, I’d run before they could get the chance to give me the boot. Then at least it was my choice and not someone forcing me to go away.”
“Why would anyone kick you out? It’s not possible, Your Majesty. You are Queen of New Asgard. Or did you forget?”
“I don’t think it’s possible for me to ever forget my time as Queen. I think I’ll remember it until the day I die.”
Hilde takes your arm, turning you to face her with subtle force, “Oi, what aren’t you telling me?”
You swallow hard, pushing your sorrow down until you can ignore it a little better.
“I’m-I’m not hiding anything, seriously. I’m just tired, Hilde. Being Queen is harder than I ever thought it could be and even though I love being married to Thor, the stresses of doing my job as Queen have reached a point where it’s boiling over.
“I just need a break...from everyone, Hilde. Even you.”
“What did I do?!” she demands, offended.
“Nothing. You’ve been one of the good parts of being Queen, but I just need a little break from Asgard as a whole. I spent my entire childhood and teenage years alone with no one to rely on me but me.
“I just need to be alone for a bit. One week. That’s all I want. So...I know that Thor won’t be happy about it but now that you’ve seen me onto the plane-”
“I am not leaving you alone,” Hilde frowns, almost angry at you for even asking.
“David is meeting me when the plane lands and then driving me home himself. I’ll be fine being alone for just the flight,” it’s a plea as much as it is a reassurance. “Please, Hilde. Please? Please?”
The higher your pitch gets, the more she breaks, turning sympathetic.
“Please, Hilde? Please?”
She growls and rolls her eyes, holding out your carryon bag--a large brown duffel bag stuffed with clothes--so that you can take it.
“Thor is going to be pissed at me,” she grumbles. “And it’s all your fault.”
You take your bag, hang it on your shoulder, and quickly pull her in to kiss her cheek.
“Thank you, Hilde. I’ll text you as soon as I land. I promise.”
“You’d better, or I’ll come find you and stick at your side like paste.”
A stewardess comes out to peek down at you and you hurry off before Hilde can change her mind.
In no time at all, you’re in your seat, the plane up and the air, and New Asgard--Thor and his annulment of your marriage--is fading fast behind you.
When you land, no one is there to meet you.
A necessary lie. You'll have to call David in the morning and let him know what's happening. He's your lawyer and if Thor goes through with his plan, you'll need to be legally ready.
You're hit with a stab of hurt that your previously loving marriage has taken such a shift.
Still, you feel bad for lying to Hilde, but when you’d said you needed your alone time, you’d meant it.
You rent a car with your own money, ignoring the shiny black credit card that Thor had given you during your honeymoon shopping trip. The last thing you need is them tracing your movements when you just want to be left alone.
The drive home is lengthy but the peace it brings you is welcome.
Four hours of no one but yourself, the music on your radio, and endless grassy hills and small town charms streaking past your windows like long lost friends.
After an hour of driving you stop at a roadside diner. You buy a bag full of fries, smear them in lines of ketchup, grab a lemonade to go, and text Hilde that you’re with David and on your way home.
After another hour, you stop again. This time at a decently sized convenience store, newly built. It's a truck stop really and you take the chance to use the bathroom then loiter by your car as you tap the screen of your phone with your thumb, waking it up over and over again. Unable to make up your mind.
Your wallpaper taunts you. A picture of you sitting between Thor’s legs on your massive bed, his arms wrapped around you as your left hand is placed to his cheek as he kisses yours, your other arm extended as you take the picture.
It’s difficult to find the courage to unlock your phone, scroll through your contacts, and press the little phone to dial Thor.
He doesn’t pick up right away.
Sadly your marriage already feels like a past life. It feels dead. Like a good dream you’ve woken up from and you just know if you try and go back to sleep to keep it going, it’ll only turn into a nightmare.
The phone rings and rings. It goes to voicemail.
It hurts. So much more than you expected it to hurt and your tears overflow leaving salty trails along your cheeks as you hiccup and try not to sob out loud.
You lean and cry against your car for the longest two minutes of your life before your phone is ringing and vibrating in your hand.
It’s Thor, and for a second, you consider not answering. You consider disappearing. Just fading into the wilderness. Abandoning your car right here. Never making it to your little house. It's so tempting in the moment to give up your throne, which will soon be taken away from you, and start your life again.
How long would they look for you? Would they eventually assume you're dead?
Still, you know that Dr. Wilson and Dr. Alric would spill the beans and if Thor knew...
You press your free hand to your stomach and know that you can’t just vanish. This life will follow you wherever you go and as painful as it is, you’re not sorry for the baby you’ve made.
You swallow your sobbing and with all of the other things you’re not allowed to feel right now or you’ll give yourself away, bury it deep down inside.
Gliding your finger across the screen, you answer the phone and press it to your ear.
“My love,” Thor gasps, sounding stressed or tired? Labored breathing.
Your mind goes to dark places and you chase away the nasty images your mind thinks up before you can let them hurt you more.
How can he still call me that?!
“I’m sorry I didn’t answer. Forgive me. I'd left my phone on my desk and I had my hands full of books.”
Your mouth won’t open. It won’t speak.
You realize all of a sudden that you don’t want to talk to Thor. You’re so angry at him. You’re hurt and betrayed and everything he’s ever told you is a lie.
“Y/N?” he sounds so confused.
“I’m here,” you manage.
“How are you feeling, cherub?”
Stop calling me that!
“I’m not great,” you sigh, sagging against the car. “I just wanted to call you to tell you that I’m with David and we’re on our way to my house. We stopped at the store to go to the bathroom, so I thought I’d call you.”
“Wait, David? Why is David with you? Where is Brunnhilde?” Thor asks, his heavy breathing still loud.
“I asked her to stay behind,” you explain. “Look, Thor I don’t really feel well enough for talking. I just didn’t want you to worry. I promised I’d call.”
“Why would she let you go alone?” Thor demands, shouting into whatever room he’s in. “Loki! Where is Brunnhilde? Get her up here!”
“I have to go, Thor. David’s waiting. I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Wait. Don’t hang up yet, cherub. Do you have a doctor to see you close to home?” Thor frets, and you can’t stand it.
“I’m coming, David!” you pretend to call, the convenience store clerk currently throwing the trash looks at you then turns his head back and forth as if searching for who you might be talking to. “Bye, Thor.”
“No, wait, love. Don’t hang-”
His voice is cut off and yet his deep tone still rings in your ears as if he were standing right beside you.
Your heart cries out for him. You wish he was there with you but then your brain reminds you that your time with Thor is already over.
The clerk is still looking at you and you give him a quick shake of your head.
“Sorry,” you start. “Bad breakup.”
He nods sympathetically as you get back in your care then gives you a wave as you drive off, setting back off into the night.
You’re not driving twenty minutes before your phone dings. A text.
Then again. And again. And again. Too many texts come through and you can’t stand it.
You reach over and completely shut it off.
~~~~~~~~~~
It’s midnight when you finally get up from bed.
There’s no escaping Thor even here in your own home. Your honeymoon memories are everywhere here.
The bed. The shower. The closet--Thor was eager one morning. The kitchen. The backyard. Every room has a memory. Not all of them sex, but all of them just as poignant and meaningful.
Or so you’d thought.
You wander down the hall to your kitchen, flipping the switch as you enter and make a beeline for the vintage fridge.
“Shit-” you sigh, not even opening it as you remember that there will be no food until you go shopping for some.
You take a peek, just to confirm, and all that's inside is a half empty jar of pickles on the door.
Irritated, you move towards the pantry and grab the first box of cereal you see, pop it open and plunge your hand inside.
You scoop a bit into your mouth but just as you begin to crunch, your mouth falters at the sight of Loki sitting on one of your island stools where he clearly wasn't before, a gentle smile to compliment the knowing sharpness in his eyes.
“You heard us, didn’t you?”
You try not to react to his question, because it’s not a question. Just confirmation of what he clearly already guessed.
“You’re not really here, are you?” You finish chewing, taking more cereal into your mouth after you swallow.
You’re starving. You should have bought some burgers at that diner to reheat and eat tonight and tomorrow.
“No,” Loki confirms. “I'm...checking in. Thor doesn’t know. He’s pretty oblivious, actually. Other things on his mind.”
“Like pregnant ex-girlfriends whose baby will have a stronger claim over the Asgardian throne than mine?”
There’s a bitterness in your voice but you don’t feel sorry for it. You’re not going to hide how hurt you are.
Loki’s face finally breaks as he realizes what you mean. He gives you a small startled blink before he’s got control of his expression again.
“Don’t tell him, Loki.”
“He deserves to know.”
“Does he?” you demand, voice rising in your anger. “And I don’t deserve to know about Jane being pregnant?”
“He would have told you,” Loki assures you.
“When?” You demand, eyes stinging. “When he needed my signature on the annulment papers?”
“He’s not decided on anything yet.”
“Oh, my god! As if that even fucking matters!” you get up, throwing the box of cereal into the garbage.
They’re stale.
“The point is he thinks it’s a good idea. I married him. I thought he welcomed me into his family. I thought I belonged with him, and you and Hilde and Heimdall, but I’m just some fucking guest after all, aren’t I?”
“You’re overreacting,” Loki chastises you.
You pick up a nearby mug and chuck it at him. It goes through him and breaks against the wall behind him.
“Don’t tell me that I’m overreacting when my husband is thinking about legally erasing all traces of our marriage!
"I trusted him," you reach up and jab at your own chest somewhat painfully.
"I thought what we had was worth keeping and protecting. I was already making plans to move Jane and her baby into the palace so that our kids could grow up together, as a family but he doesn’t want that.
“He doesn’t want me in his life if he’s already got another heir lined up so why should I tell him? If he doesn’t want me without this baby then he has no right wanting me with it!”
Loki lets you shout, he lets you break down. He doesn’t judge you for it either, but he reads into it. Too much, and you hate him for it.
You don't want to be reasonable. This doesn't feel like the time for reason. You're shattered.
“He loves you, Y/N. His choice is made-”
“For the child, yes. I get that. That doesn’t make it hurt any less. And maybe I shouldn’t be angry for him doing right by his baby when I’m carrying one of my own, but I am angry. It hurts to know that in moments he was able to make the choice to end our marriage.
“He’s my husband and I am his wife. Does that seriously mean nothing?”
Loki shakes his head, “I’ve already told you that he hasn’t decided anything, yet.”
“You don’t get it, and I don’t know that you can understand what even considering the option of annulment means for us as a couple.”
Loki sighs, “I want you to listen to me very clearly, Y/N. I say this with as much love as a brother can feel for his sister. You need to understand and you need to accept that you and Thor are not a normal couple. Thor is, first and foremost, a king.
“He is beholden to his people and he needs to ensure our position on this planet because we don’t have a home anymore. We are refugees and this is our home now. It is Thor’s job to protect that on behalf of all of us by any means necessary. Choices like these are the reason that my brother resisted the throne for so long.
“As a King, all of the love in the world cannot keep him from making the choices that will benefit our people, even if the choice should hurt him in the process.”
You’re shaking with tears as Loki speaks, shaking your head as you press your hand against your tummy. Your thoughts are full of the baby growing within you and the helpless feeling that presses down on you.
“That’s why this baby changes things, Y/N. You must tell him that you’re pregnant if you are going to keep him for yourself. If you want your marriage to survive this, you can’t keep this from him.”
Shaking your head, you turn away from him to fill a small glass with water and take a small drink.
Yes, you need to tell Thor that you’re pregnant. As wounded as your pride is, you can’t keep him in the dark forever.
“My Queen?” Loki urges you, calling you by your title probably to remind you that like Thor, you have obligations even if you don’t like or want them.
“Fine,” you sigh. “I’ll tell him, but not yet. Just give me this week, Loki. Please.”
When you turn to look at him again, he’s softer with his gaze.
“You’re going to let him suffer for his idea of the annulment,” he guesses.
“No,” you shake your head. “This isn’t for Thor. This is for me. Just because I understand the reason he thought of an annulment doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt anymore.
“If I saw him right now, I couldn’t even talk to him, Loki. He might have betrayed me for good reasons, but he’s still betrayed me. He still accepted, even for a few moments, that giving me up was the best thing he could do.
“And maybe it’s because he’s the-the first person that I’ve ever loved, and maybe I’m still looking at our very arranged marriage with some girl’s view of romance but I can’t separate his duty from my hurt and I-I don’t know that I can ever forgive him.”
"I suppose that's fair," Loki sighs. “I won’t say anything, I promise. But I’m going to make sure that he’s here on Friday. From there, it’s your duty as mother to a future prince or princess of Asgard to tell Thor about your pregnancy.”
You move to sit next to him, giving the bits and pieces of the mug you’d thrown at him a look as you settle.
“I’m sorry I threw a cup at your head.".
Loki smirks, “Would you believe me when I tell you that it’s happened before?”
You almost smile, “Yes. I believe it.”
Loki chuckles but you can't return the sentiment. For you, the world is still ending.
“Can you do me a favor, sister?” Loki asks, his term of endearment warms you a little.
Even if Thor found it easily to cast you off, you’re happy that Loki sees you so permanently a part of his family.
“Something tells me I’m not going to be happy about it, but sure.”
“Turn on your phone,” he glances at the phone sitting at the center of the island only inches away from you where you’d left it to avoid temptation. “Thor won’t shut up about how you’re not replying. If you really want to cherish some time alone, it would be better if you answered him. If he’s worried, he can get here within the hour. I don't suppose you want that."
"No," you shudder..
"Oh, and make sure you use your black card. He’ll be checking to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself.”
You roll your eyes, the rift between you and Thor already so big you can’t see a way to fix it.
“This contradiction of Thor loving me so much he’s worried to death and his ability to decide on annulling our marriage is hard to swallow. What’s he going to do when we’re not married anymore and I’m living here and he’s married to Jane?”
“That will never happen, Y/N seeing as you’re going to tell him that you’re pregnant and he won’t go through with an annulment.” Loki insists.
“What if he does?” you wonder. “Jane’s baby was conceived first. They’ll be heir to the throne. Not mine. What if Thor decides that an annulment is still the best course of action?”
“Then I think I’ll have to reconsider my pledge to serve him as my King. But he won’t go through with it, I promise you. Trust me. I know him. Thor is too soft hearted to hurt you like that.”
“He already hurt me, Loki. It’s just the finality of a follow through that I’m waiting for.”
“You’re so eager to be abandoned,” Loki observes, frustrated with you.
“It just feels like I already have been. I’m sorry if that bothers you, but I can’t help how I feel. Haven’t you ever thought you belonged somewhere only to find out that you’re not as accepted as you thought?”
Loki thinks for a moment, his silence heavy with memory, “I have.”
“And how long did it take you to get over it?”
Loki grins, meeting your eyes with a bit of resignation.
“A long time,” he admits.
“And mine just happened today. You expect me to be over it already? Get bent, Loki.”
Loki chuckles.
“You have a point. I’m sorry, I’ve been looking at this through the lens of being my brother’s advisor. I’ll try and do better.”
His promise is genuine and it makes you feel better that you have at least one person on your side.
“Thank you, Loki,” you sigh. “I know this isn’t an easy spot for you to be in, between me and Thor. I appreciate you coming to check on me.”
“It’s my pleasure. Thor might not have noticed the way you refused to touch him when you left today but I was instantly sure that you’d heard everything. Does it bother you that he slept with her and you on the same day?”
“Not as much as I thought it would,” you admit. “Even without him explicitly saying it, I knew that he’d been with her. I knew that it was likely that he’d slept with her. They were in love. Maybe him more than her, but they didn’t break up because they wanted to. They broke up because he needed to get married and Jane wasn’t ready to do that.
“If Thor had made more of an attempt to delay our wedding, maybe Jane would have come to him sooner with her news and Thor and I would never have gotten married. I wouldn’t be pregnant, and this would all be much less messy.”
“I’m glad he didn’t wait. I’d rather have you as a sister than Jane. She’s nice but you’re much better suited to be Queen.”
“Until my King pisses me off and I run off for a week,” you tease.
“This is an exceptional situation,” Loki nods. “I don’t think if anyone else were in your shoes, they would be any less hurt than you by the news of Jane’s baby. If she is pregnant.”
You look at him, interest piqued.
“You said something like that before, that Jane should get tested to make sure she’s pregnant. What makes you think she might not be?”
“Nothing in particular. She might be. I just really don’t want her to be. I like you for Thor, Y/N. As far as I’m concerned, you’re Asgardian now.”
“I wish Thor thought like you do.”
“He does think it, Y/N. He’s just thrown off balance right now. Give him a little time and tell him about your child. His child, and it will clear up his mind. His judgement is compromised by the fact that he has an heir from the woman he once loved and the woman he now loves has had no luck in conceiving one. Or so he thinks.”
“I already told you that I’ll tell him, Loki. I just want some time.” you sigh.
“I know. We’re talking in circles. I’ll go, let you get some rest.”
You turn to watch him, slowly he begins to dissolve into slow moving golden swirls mixed with a tinge of green.
“Oh, and check your fridge again. I’ve left you a present.”
Just as quickly as he’d shown up, he’s gone.
With a heavy heart you remember the favor he asked of you and turn on your phone.
Twenty texts chime in and you quickly scroll through them.
They’re all from Thor, save for two from Hilde.
Hilde: Thanks. Be careful.
Hilde: Snitch!
All of Thor’s are variations of the same message.
Thor: Please reply, cherub.
Thor: Are you asleep?
Thor: I’m sorry if I’m waking you up.
Thor: Are you home yet?
Thor: Are you safe?
It isn’t until the last few messages that his frenzy of worry seems to change. More resigned to your lack of response. Probably believing that you are actually asleep.
Thor: I miss you already, cherub. I can’t tell you how strange it is to lay in our bed without you.
Thor: I don’t think there’s been a night since we married aside from my visit to the outposts that I have not had your perfect body pressed to mine.
Thor: My heart aches without you.
Thor: My body craves in your absence.
Thor: My soul is empty. You are my very essence now, my sweet cherub.
Thor: I hope you’re not very ill. I could not stand to lose you.
You sob, reading his texts through paints a drastic contrast between his deep voice crying for annulment and the loving, doting, sweet husband who sent you these messages.
His text voice is also so different from the way he talks. You can hear the way he might have talked to you if he hadn’t spent so much time with the Avengers and other humans here on Earth. Jane probably heard him speak like this out loud when they first met.
She’d been his first contact with this planet.
Wiping at your tears, you clutch the phone to your chest for a moment before focusing your blurry eyes on the screen again to keep reading.
Thor: I’ve never known how essential you are to my life until this moment. I need you at my side. I am most certain of it now.
Thor: I would give my life for you. I will keep you close from now on. I don’t know if I can last a week without you, my love. Don’t hate me if I come to you tomorrow.
Thor: Loki has just told me that he’s come to see that you’ve settled into your home safely. I really need him to teach me that trick. He says you need rest and that you already have a doctor coming by in the morning.
Thor: Please tell me what they say once they’ve seen you.
Thor: Loki keeps yelling at me to let you sleep.
Thor: Goodnight, cherub. I love you. More than my life.
Thor: Please text me in the morning.
Thor: It’s Loki. I’ve taken his phone. I’ll make sure he leaves you alone for the full week. Thank you for turning your phone on.
Y/N: I’m fine, Thor. Just very tired.
And because it’s true and if you don’t say it, he’ll get suspicious:
Y/N: I love you, too.
You sniffle and lock your phone.
“Jerk,” you grieve, and move to the fridge.
Opening it again, you’re surprised to find it fully stocked this time with all of your favorite foods and treats.
Loki is seriously the best brother-in-law in the universe.
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