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thefreakandthehair · 7 months

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@eddiemonth prompt, oct 4th: Rejection | Arsonist’s Lullaby - Hozier | Lost a/n: pre-steddie post-s4, angst with soft, happy ending because I'm a marshmallow. un-betaed because I'm challenging myself to write these in under an hour. read on ao3 | link to series on ao3

All Eddie Munson has ever wanted to do is play music.

That’s it. There are other hobbies, of course, other things that bring him joy– D&D, fantasy novels, art– but ever since he was a kid, whenever a teacher would ask what he wants to be when he grows up, it’s always the same answer.

I wanna play music.

As a kid, it seems less daunting. He just has to practice, he just has to play, he just has to have the passion to make it big. To be the next Kirk Hammett, or Eddie Van Halen, or Ozzy Osbourne if he can teach himself to carry a tune.

Making friends is hard, but he manages to find a few in middle school who can play the instruments he can’t– drums, bass. Eddie takes the role of frontman, not exactly a singer still but he’s charismatic enough to get away with it at their school talent show.

High school comes, and Corroded Coffin is revamped. New vibe, new members. He’s older now, a little more jaded with each rejection.

No one wants their EP, recorded by hand in Gareth’s garage onto cheap cassette tapes.

No venue will let them play, and Eddie knows that it’s probably because they’re in high school but hadn’t The Cure started in high school?

No one believes in them, trying to push them– especially Eddie– to consider more successful careers, safer paths.

But eventually, they book a regular gig at The Hideout and Eddie’s certain this is it. This is their big break. Until they play week after week, staring at the same five plastered faces every Tuesday. If they can prove themselves though, the owner will have to let them play on a Friday or Saturday.

He never does.

The final nail in the proverbial coffin comes after Eddie’s final senior year. Being accused of murder should have beefed up his credibility if nothing else– he’s already been traumatized, terrorized, and hunted like a goddamn dog, nevermind almost killed via hoard of angry mutant bats. Surely, he’ll catch at least one break.

And then the owner at The Hideout tells him he can’t play there anymore.

The hoards of people who still blame him for Chrissy Cunningham’s death are too much for him to manage himself and, in his words, Eddie’s driving away good business. His heart shatters, his breath catches, and Eddie leaves without a word because if he were to try to speak, all that would come out is either an enraged scream or a choked sob and Eddie doesn’t want to risk either.

He drives around aimlessly for an unknown amount of time, just circles around the outskirts of Hawkins. Maybe I’ll just leave, he thinks. Indianapolis might be far enough. Maybe Chicago. Fuck it, maybe Argyle and Jonathan can put me up for awhile in California. Eddie wants to go somewhere that makes him forget just how lost he is, how unwanted and forgotten he’s become. Being the social pariah is only fun when he’s making speeches on cafeteria tables, not when it boots him out of his one and only career path.

Somehow, he ends up in Loch Nora. He can’t face Wayne right now, he doesn’t want to bother Robin or Nancy, he’s already let Jeff, Gareth, and Freak down in the worst way imaginable, and if he goes to his mom’s or Chrissy’s tombstones with one more sob story, he’s afraid they’ll start haunting him. Steve’s become a friend over the last year or so it makes sense. Process of elimination and all of that.

He doesn’t have the mental bandwidth to realize that he’d started driving that way before he ruled everyone else out.

Steve welcomes him like he always does and offers him a beer, sitting with him in companionable silence on the couch as they watch Monty Python and The Holy Grail and laugh at the same parts. Eddie knows Steve can see that he’s upset but instead of asking questions Eddie isn’t ready to answer, he just sits a little closer with their thighs touching and one arm strewn over the back of the couch, just barely grazing Eddie’s shoulder.

The movie ends and Steve moves to switch the tape when Eddie finally speaks up.

“The Hideout kicked us out. Can’t play there anymore.”

Eddie sees Steve freeze from behind before turning, his eyebrows knitted together above his nose. “Are you fucking serious?”

He nods and sighs, lifting one hand to chew on this thumbnail as he looks at the wall beyond Steve.

“That’s bullshit, dude. Why? Because of the protestors or whatever?”

He nods again.

“Want me to go down there? I’ve still got my bat around here somewhere. It might be nice to swing at something that’s not trying to like, eat me.”

Eddie huffs a small laugh through his nose and meets Steve’s eyes, their righteous anger blending with his own as he sees Steve cross his arms over his chest. It’s hard not to stare.

“Well, then at least I wouldn’t be the only guy in this town wanted for murder.”

Steve shakes his head and just chooses another movie, Howard the Duck this time, before returning to his spot on the couch. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite movies but he can’t focus to save his life because Steve is even closer now, his arm draped fully across Eddie’s shoulders and creating a space for Eddie to easily just… rest. So he does.

The title sequence starts and Eddie’s head drops to the side, resting on Steve’s shoulder. It’s one of his favorites but he can’t follow the plot to save his life. All he can focus on is the way Steve’s fingers trace symptoms and shapes against the cotton of his tee shirt, and the steady rise and fall of his chest, and the feeling of Steve’s head leaning against the top of his.

“I had a new song and everything,” Eddie whispers, surprising both himself and Steve.

Steve hums and tightens his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, a ghost of a hug. “Play it for me sometime?”

All Eddie Munson has ever wanted to do is play music. And maybe he still can.

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theriverbeyond · 1 year

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can we hear about your gideon eyes tinfoil hat theory 🥺 i love to think unhinged thoughts

THANK YOU FOR ASKING also i had an entire essay typed up for you and tumblr lost the draft. apologies because this re-do is Definitely Worse

my unhinged theory is this: Gideon has, and has always had, a fragment of Alecto's soul inside her, that lay somewhat dormant until it was "activated" by Harrow consuming her soul (and thereby also consuming the Alecto fragment).

bear with me: we know Harrow began to be haunted when a fragment of Alecto escaped into Harrow when she kissed her in the tomb at age 10. Harrow's individual fragment wasn't enough for the Body-vision to have sentience OR for her to, as a child, be sending out "I'm here!" signals that were trackable by the other RBs, so they were basically just hanging out.

HOWEVER. when Harrow ate Gideon's soul, two things happenened: 1) Alecto/The Body started speaking to her, protecting her, gained enough coherence to eventually becoming Nona, etc and 2) Harrow became a becon for the RBs, specifically Number 7, who immediately turned towards her to make a beeline to the Mithraeum.

This makes me think that Lyctorhood "activated" the Alecto-fragment in a certain way, and it makes sense to ME that the trigger would be that fragment getting bigger, via Harrow taking up Gideon's soul (including whatever fragments Gideon herself was carrying)

"evidence" (wild speculating) for Gideon having Alecto's soul under the cut!

1. the gold eyes

in these books, eye color is explicitly linked to what soul is in what body. this is a heavily important plot mechanic throughout every single book - it feels "off" for Gideon's eye color to be the ONLY time in the entire series where eye color means "genetics" and not "soul".

Gideon does not have a normal human eye color. the color is described as like an egg yolk & gold coins, and no human eye color reaches even close. This is further evidenced by how when Augustine and Mercymorn saw Gideon in Harrow's eyes, they thought Alecto had woken up. pre-NtN, this made more sense as The Body was assumed by the fandom to look somewhat like Harrow. post-NtN, we know that Harrow and Alecto looked *absolutley* nothing alike, and therfore these eyes are not fucking normal, they're weird enough that if you see them you automatically assume "8 ft tall Barbie Doll Alecto Woke Up" even when the body you are presented with is 5 foot nothing with black hair.

"Lipochrome... recessive" does not make sense even for the most basic understanding of genetics, which I am assuming is what is happening here - eye color genetics can get really complicated but colloquial understanding is that recessive genes present themselves when BOTH parents are carriers. John had gold eyes because Alecto chose him, but.... how would Wake be a carrier for what is basically Alecto's stigmata? it makes NO sense for Wake to be a carrier of the Alecto-specific, egg yolk kind of eyes

2. the emission

John and Alecto's souls are inherently linked. rather than being two seperate souls, they are more like two parts of continuous whole -- John hid himself in Alecto, and he hid Alecto in him. it's not even two puzzle pieces they are just layered over and continuous with each other

John, then, would very reasonable "pass on" a part of Alecto when he, ah. well. you know. blew a big load.

maybe the Holy Emission carried soul fragments, is what I'm saying

3. the two hander

Occam's razor posits that Gideon likes the two hander and is good at it because she is cool and buff and it was the option presented to her. BUT!!!

Nona instinctivly knows how to hold a two handed sword. Alecto has a greatsword with her in the tomb. Gideon uses a two hander. idk makes u think!!

#tlt meta #tlt thoughts #anyway THANKS FOR UR PATIENCE ANAON...#ANON*#its been 84 years since i got this ask #ask #anon #i love to speculate wildly

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willbyersenthusiast · 21 days

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since i won’t shut up about Found Heaven, here’s a list of songs i think are very byler coded:

Found Heaven (the title track)

Alley Rose

The Final Fight

Miss You

Forever With Me

Eye Of The Night (kind of)

Winner (kind of)

and yk what while i’m here im gonna explain the reasons i think so;

Found Heaven:

i already explained this in a previous post (idk how to link them so have fun scrolling) but i will give a brief explanation; the song is about internalized homophobia and it’s basically conan telling his younger self it’s okay, or at least that’s how i perceive it, so i see this as a mike wheeler song. it can be will too but will is more out of the closet than mike tbf.

Alley Rose:

this one is kind of more about yearning and wanting but not before the relationship, it’s after it. they’re also kind of nervous around each other (especially mike) in season 4. the line “i waited all year at your feet like maybe you’d love me” is so them because they both waited for the other to reach out when Will moved to Lenora.

for the bridge, will is so worried about his best friend hating him because he’s gay and in love with him. “i thought if you’d ever leave me that i’d be the reason why.” and will again for the last little bit of the bridge saying “i swore hands were made for fighting, i swore eyes were made to cry, but you’re the first person that i’ve seen whose proven that might be a lie.” it’s kind of self explanatory in a way because will grew up in an abusive household. and for “don’t leave me hanging alone again.” i feel it fits both of them but also mike, because mike told will he felt like he was losing him and he wanted to be best friends again in s4

The Final Fight:

i feel like this one says how will wants to tell mike how much mike hurt him, and how he really upset him. he probably wants himself to get over mike and thinks this will help him (but it’ll just make mike confess😏 [hopefully].

Miss You:

this one makes me think of Mike telling Will how he misses him and how he felt like he “lost you or something.” and how “it’s not hawkins without you.” in season 4. and he knows he’s been a douche a little asshat (you can tell i’m a little upset with this mike lmao) but he wants “to be friends again. Best friends”

Forever With Me:

holy fucking shit this one. this song. i see this as Will yearning for Mike and wanting to be with him forever. “I ain’t sorry, though i should probably be. I think i’m gonna love you. You’re forever with me.” THIS SCREAMS WILL BYERS. “you are the reason i learned to love. Also the reason i cry” holy fucking SHIIIITTTT

Eye Of The Night:

i perceive this song as “this person haunts me. i see them everywhere and i can’t escape them” so it kind of reminds me of how they like always come back to each other? idk this one just kinda makes me think of them 💀

Winner:

this song (mainly just the pre-chorus and the chorus) makes me think of the rain fight. Will’s pov to be specific. i see it as Will saying “yeah you won you made me feel like shit, are you happy??” ykwim? OH AND THE SECOND VERSE “yet you have the nerve to miss me. how do i somehow feel guilty when you’re the one who let it get this bad” HOLY SHIT THATS LITERALLY THEIR FIGHT AT RINK-O-MANIA. like mike blaming will for not reaching out in the heat of the moment and therefore will blames himself too.

anyways that’s my little rant done GO STREAM FOUND HEAVEN ITS AMAZING AND IT HAS SUCH A DAZZLING 80S VIBE ITS MY FAVORITE THING RN GO LISTEN TO IT PLEASE ITS LIFE CHANGING

#conan gray #conehead #found heaven #alley rose #the final fight #miss you #forever with me #eye of the night #winner #stranger things #will byers #mike wheeler #byler #byler tumblr #st5 #stranger things 5 #byler endgame #mike wheeler i know what you are

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thefirstknife · 1 year

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I have multiple questions, of which may be already known to people who've played the gamr recently (I personally came back for Lightfall, left after the raid). Don't feel pressured to answer all of them.

Has there ever been an instance where a known Exo Guardian undergoes a reset but still have to do their duties as a Guardian?

What has Eris and Drifter been up to since Beyond Light? Have they continued to communicate with the Nine?

On resurrection, does a Ghost become aware of everything that their Chosen knows about? Do they share a mental bond that ties them together? Can one hear ones thoughts? And on that line of thought, would that stop a Ghost from resurrecting a known Ghostless Guardian like Osiris?

Hi!

First question: seems like the answer is no. Exo Guardians that went through a reset are extremely rare and so far it seems none of them really resumed doing the same. From Lakshmi-2's search:

Historical Basis for Spontaneous Reset Syndrome —Heyka-3/4: Notorious Dark Ages Warlord. Post-reset, became a lone raider. —Vander-2/3: Rescued from the Great Disaster because reset incapacitated him. Served as City guard post-reset. Ghost destroyed on Luna. (Pre- or post-reset? Do Ghosts protect Exo Guardians from spontaneous reset?) —Lilakee-5/6/7: Curious case. Known sufferer of severe DER-related nightmares and outbursts. Commandeered a jumpship and vanished. —Selass-7/8: Technician sent to data mine Titan settlements. Reset occurred in return transit. Post-reset, remained research technician assisting Cryptarchs.

It's unclear for Heyka-3/4 what "lone raider" means, but given they were a Warlord first and then stopped, it probably means that simply resuming the same duties is unlikely. Vander-2/3 is also curious since we know for a fact they were a Guardian, but they lost their Ghost in the Great Disaster. Being a City guard is not the same as being a Guardian, but that could also be because they lost their Ghost, and not because of the reset. For the last two, it's not clear if they were Guardians. But given that they all changed their jobs, it's very likely that a Guardian that underwent the reset would no longer act the same and would probably not take up the same duties as a Guardian after the reset. They'd most certainly be excused in some way.

Second: Eris and Drifter did not resume speaking to the Nine, so far and that we know of! Drifter is always kinda tangled up with them due to the nature of Gambit, but he hasn't done much with them since Prophecy. I definitely expect the Nine to pop up again some time, maybe this year? I'd expect Drifter to be a part of any storyline with them.

Instead, Eris and Drifter worked together on some egregore research back in Haunted and they also worked together on Nezarec's relics in Plunder for a bit. They both have ties to this sort of Darkness stuff, Drifter especially since he both had a relic himself and he also has egregore in his ship. We've not had much updates on Eris since Plunder, though we do know that she's friendly with Eido and shares tea with her. Drifter on the other hand is still shown as actively helping the Eliksni in the City.

Third: Ghosts definitely share a bond with their Guardians, though I'm not sure if it's mental. There's definitely something more and metaphysical going on when a Ghost and a Guardian bond. For example, Fynch claims that he can hear his dead Hive Knight, both before he was chosen at all and now that he's dead.

I know. I know you don't want to be dead. I know that! You think I don't know that?!

I watched you shoot a Guardian. And her GHOST. Dead. All because I could hear you, in the back of my mind, needing me to bring you back. And I listened. I listened to the others… then to you… to everyone except myself.

I didn't expect miracles, but… I expected something!

Yes, you're dead now. And I can hear you—but I can't. Don't you get it? I just. Can't!

It's impossible to say if this is standard; Fynch having a Hive Lightbearer might have something to do with it, but maybe it's something that all Ghosts feel. However, beyond this very strange effect that death in general has on Ghosts and Guardians, it's unclear if this bond manifests as Ghosts being aware and able to hear their Guardian's thoughts at all time.

I'd say it's not applied broadly to the relationship between them, as Ghosts and Guardians still have to talk to properly communicate. For example, Ikora had a bad relationship with her Ghost Ophiuchus and stopped talking to him for 61 years (!). When she spoke to him for the first time after that, he was shocked. He spent all of that time just observing her. If a Ghost could simply mentally connect with their Guardian, then this communication issue between them wouldn't have impacted him that much.

Speaking of Ophiuchus, and related to the question, he and Sagira had an interesting conversation once about the reason for Ghosts having only one Guardian.

Anyway, O said he had a theory why there was one Ghost for one Guardian. He thought that each of us had strengths that complemented weaknesses in our Guardian, and vice versa. That we needed to be together, or neither of us would be whole.

"Like soul mates?" I asked. "Because I'm not in love with Osiris or anything. Not only would that be really weird, he kinda gets on my nerves a lot of the time."

"It is not a romantic attachment," O said. If he had eyes, he would have rolled them at me. "It is my belief that the Traveler understood that normal people would not be enough to protect humanity. That it would take those who are extraordinary in both body and spirit. And that only by the merging of Ghost and Guardian into a single unit could this be accomplished."

Interesting! Ghosts don't really agree on matters like this and they tend to have a lot of different opinions on their own nature and the nature of the bond between a Ghost and a Guardian. But a bond definitely exists and is probably a reason why a Ghost will not pick another Guardian or why a Guardian that lost their Ghost won't pick another Ghost.

The relationship between a Ghost and a Guardian is unique and emotional and very deep so the idea of just getting another Ghost, like they're a tool, is deeply unsettling to most. It's technically possible, but most (both Ghosts and Guardans) will simply choose not to try due to the emotional toll. Similarly, an unpartnered Ghost will most likely never choose to pick a Guardian that already had a Ghost but lost it, because that unpartnered Ghost must have their own Guardian somewhere.

The one exception is, as usual, Shin Malphur who inherited Jaren Ward's Ghost. This has somewhat more sense when you know that Jaren and Shin were basically father and son so Jaren's Ghost was already deeply familiar with Shin and had a bond with him as well. We're still unclear if Jaren's Ghost can have full functionality with Shin though. Shin already had a Ghost prior, as a baby, but it died. Shin's situation is very complicated overall so it's not entirely useful as an example, but it's worth mentioning in this case.

#destiny 2 #guardians #eris #drifter #ghost #long post #fynch #ophiuchus #ask #hope this helps :)

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autumnslance · 3 months

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Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @sheepwithspecs technically on my main but this is where fanfic goes. Do this if you wanna!

How many works do you have on AO3?

47 as of 2/6/24. There's a few things I need to get around to adding there though.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

411,290 as of 2/6/24

What are your top 5 fics by kudos

Downtime (compilation of younger Scions & other teen chars being pals in Norvrandt) Unexpected (compilation of shippy nonsense) A Constant Distant Thunder (Thancred in ARR patches post-Lahabrea) Ruminations (General Warrior of Light introspections & adventures) Rogue's Prelude (My headcanons on Thancred meeting Louisoix, Papalymo, and Yda)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually do! I often try to. So my comment count is almost, not quite though, doubled.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hrm; I tend to do a lot of bittersweet endings. We'll keep it simple and say "Never Gets Easier", a fic where Edmont and Charlemend talk about their lost sons. There's no sweetness there, just men haunted by mistakes and losses.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Maybe "When Everything Changes" which is kid fic from the POV of my WoL's older brother when she's born and his ambivalence turns to big brother joy and love.

Do you write crossovers?

Haven't yet.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I recall.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally. Usually pretty vanilla. It's all right, I guess.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Had an OC's backstory on our WoW RP server's fic blogging site lifted wholesale; they changed the names and class, and then…walked into our weekly guild meeting that I was leading and tried to join our guild. When confronted, the person claimed their partner had leveled the character for them and based the backstory on Skyrim (my OC's story is very specific to WoW). They tried to message me later as if we were pals who would laugh this off someday. I informed them that was not a thing and btw the site mods knew they were a plagiarist now. Also everyone knew who their alts were and a bunch of other trouble they'd caused. So far as I know, they bailed from our server after that.

I hoped they learned better and grew up quite a bit; this was well over a decade ago.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once or twice now; so long as folks credit and link back to my originals, and share the translated link with me, it's all good!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Roleplay and actual story collaboration both. It's a lot of fun.

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

How dare you.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*stares at WIP folder*

Come back with a warrant.

(I won't say never, but there's a lot that probably are just noodling and scraps to feed something else later)

What are your writing strengths?

Folks seem to like my dialogue.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Impatience, and certain grammatical abuses that do nothing for length nor clarity.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Depends on the fic. Depends on the intended audience.

For dialects, mostly the concern is "don't overdo it" as it can slow things down, be really jarring at best and offensive at worst, and difficult to understand if laying it on too thick.

Other languages entirely have different guidelines though, from sprinkling in single words or short phrases, to entire passages, and whether or not you translate or leave it up to the reader. Depends on fandom, on the characters, on the story, author intentions.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Narnia, in a my little girl diary as a pre-teen. I wanted to pick up Susan's story as a grown up and bring her and family back to a magical land. Cuz I knew it could, would happen someday, even if Lewis never got to write it himself.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Final Fantasy XVI. Midst. The latter is tricky as I really don't have ideas at the moment, but really want to dig into that vibe. My writing needs to be more weird in general, really.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

How dare you, come back with a warrant!

#About Me #Blogging #Fanfiction #Writing #Lyn Writing #Fandom #Ao3

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umbry-fic · 21 days

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mairieux

Summary: Colette Brunel, and the decision to live.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia Characters: Colette Brunel, Lloyd Irving, Frank Brunel Relationships: Colette Brunel & Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel & Frank Brunel Rating: G Word Count: 1990 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 07/04/2024

Notes: A short pre-canon fic. The title is from mairieux by n-buna.

~~~

When Colette was ten, she learned what it meant to fear death.

She had known since she was a child that she was special - chosen to carry the hopes and wishes of the people of Sylvarant, fated to one day deliver them to the Heavens and into the embrace of the Goddess. A holy figure to be revered, not to be befriended. A lonely figure among a thronging sea of people that always parted around her, praying at her feet yet refusing to approach her.

Standing before the church’s stained glass window depicting the benevolent Goddess reaching ever skywards, the truth of her fate was delivered to her by a group of priests, their voices containing not a hint of passion, as if they were blandly discussing the weather.

Because to them, her death was nothing more than a fact - a truth that could not be overturned.

When the light of salvation arrived from the Heavens, she would walk the land of Sylvarant in a quest to reach the tower that represented hope, and thus preordain an era of fortune, dooming herself in the process.

In that single moment, her heart grew cold, as if she had suddenly found herself lost in a vicious winter storm, flurries of snow assaulting her from every direction.

The few hands that had bothered to reach out towards her, to wipe the tears from her cheeks and coax a smile from her…

She would lose them, no matter what.

~~~

“Colette, would you like to go pick apples in the orchard today?” her father offered, nursing a steaming cup of tea over the dining table, empty plates littered with crumbs still scattered over it.

The scratch of pencil against paper stopped, and she sat up straight in her chair in excitement, homework forgotten. She barely spent any time with her father - most of it was monopolised by the priests. She had long since learned to stop asking, not wanting to be the one to put that horribly sad expression on his face when he gently turned her down.

She opened her mouth to answer enthusiastically, but the words wouldn’t come. They were trapped in her throat, drowning in poison that bit at her skin. The priests’ words from yesterday echoed in her ears, that strange chill gripping her heart in its claws once more.

“I… I have a lot of homework to catch up on, Father, so maybe not today.” She smiled weakly, not understanding why those were the words that had left her lips as she stood, gathering loose sheaves of paper. “I think I’m going to go back to my room now.”

In the silence that followed, neither her father nor her grandmother said a word to interrupt it. Her grandmother passed her a plate of still-warm cookies, a terrible guilt haunting both of their gazes.

She hurried up the stairs, cracks splintering on the surface of her heart.

If this was how they had felt all this time, then she could understand why they never spent any time with her.

~~~

“That’s all I have to teach you today. Class is dismissed.” Professor Raine snapped the book in her hand shut, faint muttering exploding into a ruckus as friends made plans and chattered about their day. “Remember to do your homework!” she yelled over the chaos as the dozen or so students jostled each other to be the first to leave the stuffy classroom.

Colette continued to stare out the window at nothing in particular, watching clouds drift across the colourless sky.

“Hey, Colette! Wanna come over today?” Lloyd grinned, sliding into view and jolting her out of her thoughts. The vibrant red he always wore was a shock after an hour of overcast grey, blooming to consume her vision. “We can do our homework together and then go visit Genis to see if he’s feeling any better.”

“I…” she faltered, heart sinking when the smile on her best friend’s face flickered for a moment at her hesitation. She had never, ever voluntarily given up a chance to spend time with the only friends she had, who stole her away from her closed-off world of prayers and scriptures to a world of fun and laughter where she could be nothing more than an ordinary girl.

She didn’t understand, how she could want nothing more than to be by the side of those she held dear, only for the thought of doing so stabbing a knife through her heart.

She shook her head. “I’m a little tired today. Sorry, Lloyd. Maybe next time?”

The lie slid from her lips with ease, despite not knowing when she could next spend time with him - not without this strange numbness creeping into the very depths of her soul.

“Oh. Well, that’s alright.” She glanced away when his expression crumpled, disappointment flooding his face.

“Give Genis my well wishes, won’t you?”

She folded her hands in her lap, keeping her head bowed, not wanting to bear witness to his crestfallen expression.

“...Alright. See you, Colette."

~~~

The ticking of the clock echoed loudly in her ears as she kicked her feet back and forth, seated at the dining table and pondering the intricacies of a complicated math equation.

This had been the longest week of her life. Guilt had choked her each and every time she had turned someone away, but the biting sting from the cracks in her heart that were only continuing to spread was worse, never fading. Tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, she slumped over the table, burying her face in her arms.

What was she supposed to do? She didn’t want to keep doing this - she didn’t want to keep hurting those she held dear. But the pain wouldn’t stop.

If she was inevitably going to die, then what was the point of enduring all this pain in the first place?

Steady knocking of a fist on wood bid her raise her head, and she wandered over to the door in a daze to see whoever it was that would come over at this time of the night.

“Hey, Colette!”

A familiar face greeted her in the doorway, and she wondered if she was dreaming.

“Lloyd? What are you doing here so late?” she asked, her gaze roving over her best friend, dirt smudging his cheek and a small glass jar wedged under his arm.

“I have something to show you, is all!” He offered her a hand, his smile small but brave, surely knowing there was a chance she’d turn him down again. Yet still he reached out for her, as he always did, never giving up.

She wavered on that threshold, weary, her heart pulling her in two different directions. She could just give him the excuse that it was late, far too late for the Chosen to be wandering into the woods. But she…

A hand landed on her shoulder. “You should go, Colette.”

She turned to stare in confusion at her father, who gave her an encouraging smile and a squeeze of her shoulder.

“I… Alright…” she mumbled, taking Lloyd’s hand.

~~~

Frank had watched his daughter close herself off from the world all week, grief colouring his gaze as he watched her slowly kill her own heart with every passing second without even realising she was doing it.

She had been on the verge of becoming nothing more than a living corpse with the trappings of a messiah. Still able to shamble her way to the tower and sacrifice herself, giving away the heart beating in her chest that had died long ago.

And not a single person would have cared, so long as she completed the duty she had been born to carry.

Perhaps that would have been easier. A peaceful existence, one without suffering, that would come to an end without any regrets.

But it broke his heart to lose his daughter this way, even if he could no longer reach her anymore.

So he hoped, and prayed, because that was all he could do.

~~~

“Woah! Careful there!” Lloyd laughed, steadying her as she slid down a slope, having nearly tripped over a particularly large root. She grabbed onto his arm, preventing herself from falling face-first into the dirt.

The sound of his laughter, carefree and bright, soothed the aching of her soul. It had been a while since she’d last heard it, hadn’t she? The warmth of his hand seeped into her arm, slowly melting the ice around her heart. For a moment, she could be an ordinary girl again.

She’d missed him.

“Here we are.” Lloyd ushered her into a clearing, the dense leaves of the trees clearing to reveal the moon hanging high in the night sky among the twinkling stars, casting everything in liquid silver. “Now we just have to wait.”

“Wait…?”

She didn’t have to wait long, a gasp rushing from her lips as gold erupted from all around her.

“Fireflies…” she whispered in awe, spinning in a circle to observe the clearing, which had completely transformed. There were so many of them! The tiny insects were almost like stars that had fallen from the sky, sharing their radiance as they floated gracefully about, doing as they pleased. Some filled tree hollows, and some fluttered past her hair, surrounding the both of them.

It was a magical sight, one that Lloyd had still wanted to share with her, despite how hard she had been shoving him away all week, refusing to let him in as she shut her heart in a gate to protect it. He truly was kind, wasn’t he? Kind enough to see her as nothing more than a normal girl, one with normal troubles, with normal dreams, who deserved to be happy…

She couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face, even as her heart continued to break.

“Anyway, here!” The jar she had noticed him carrying was now shoved beneath her nose, filled to the brim with vibrant gold. She accepted it with careful hands, tracing the paths that the fireflies made against the glass. “You’ve been down all week, so I thought maybe I could cheer you up. I’m… glad you’ve finally smiled,” he mumbled, averting his gaze, the tips of his ears red.

She cradled the jar close to her chest, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks, drop after drop. It still hurt, so very, very much, and it always would. To know that moments like these would one day come to an end - that no matter how much she cherished these memories, they would inevitably be wrenched from her. And every time, her heart would remember this pain.

Perhaps it would be easier to cast it away in this sea of gold and let it dissolve into nothing, shielding her from the sea of pain that threatened to drown it. But it would mean giving up this overwhelming joy that she had forgotten, and she would not forego her dwindling chances to spend time with those she loved, knowing that here, she was safe, cared for by gentle hands that would never let her go.

“W - what’s wrong?” Lloyd panicked, rushing closer. “Did I -”

“You didn’t say anything wrong, silly.” She laughed, for the first time this week, letting the lock over her heart fall and shatter as she took his hand, rubbing the dirt that stained his fingers. “I’m just… really, really happy. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“Truly? You’ll tell me next time, though, if you’re feeling down again? I promise I’ll cheer you up!”

“It was just something silly. Nothing to worry about. I’m feeling much better now. All thanks to you, Lloyd!”

His cheeks flushed beet red again at her words, and she giggled, squeezing his hand.

Her happiness would not last. But she would make the most of it right now.

She would live, to the best of her ability. That was the decision she had made.

#fanfiction #one shot #tales of symphonia #colette brunel #lloyd irving #frank brunel #i marathoned six hours of lecture and my brain is leaking out of my ears so good time to post this

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mahoushoujotechsupport · 10 months

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ok lets get started

ok so starting off, something that i've been wondering since suletta tested out calibarn, why did lfrith have these layers but not calibarn? i'm guessing maybe that has something to do with calibarn having no filter or maybe the layers kept you at a lower permet score since elnora asks dr. cardo to raise the score and dr. cardo scolds her about it. like yea the scenes are supposed to be be parallels to each other but the way calibarn works when hooked up to someone is so different it seems

who'd have thought on first watch everything this little gremlin would get up to

the samaya sisters sure do love fucking spanking people wtf

honestly really love nyla and wendy. i'm so happy we got to see them one last time in episode 24

i know the actual earthian vs spacian subplot of the series bores some people, but i do wish they'd gone into it more than they did. like i remember when i first saw this shot and was wondering if they'd get more into class issues but they really didnt at all. i know expecting radical politics from a mainstream series is kind of setting yourself up for disappointment, but at the time it seemed promising

i wonder if the light novels or anything will ever go into elnora's past. she claims here that dr. cardo saved her life and that without her gund prosthetics she'd be dead and i've gotta wonder if maybe she wasn't lying about the mining accident she brings up in episode 2, or if she really was the daughter of mercurian miners

also worth noting that elnora's voice as she speaks to eri here uses the same loving tone of voice she uses with suletta over so many of their phone calls later on. i know a lot of people hate on prospera but its so hard for me to dislike her at all. she went through so much and lost basically everything.

has anyone ever caught this before? so nadim helped to get ochs earth to invest into the vanadis institute?

look at her stupid little faces

so like we can just safely assume this was probably belmeria, right?

little brat. really though, i hope suletta and miorine start celebrating her birthday at some point

nadim's reaction to both elnora and eri missing from their living quarters is honestly heartbreaking once you know what's about to happen. did he have any idea what was about to transpire in the next few minutes?

like he had to have known he wasn't coming back once he got into that lfrith

the pre-production lfrith bits remind me so much of the pharact's bits. *screams in el5n*

yes, yes, i know the main theme of the series was forgiveness but goddamn i wanted this stupid asshole dead

sarius' face here as he's likely being told about the folkvangr massacre really is something. gotta wonder what it was like for him those 20+ years having to work with delling. i wonder if the grassley orphanages came to be because of this tbh

the birth of milfchar

there is absolutely nothing that can do this scene justice if you're not just watching it. the music, elnora's horrified look at realizing eri is the one to synchronize with the lfrith.

i've rewatched the prologue probably a handful of times over the last like half year or so and this scene just always gives me goosebumps lol

just awful shit lol

so back in early december or so, when i finally decided to check gwitch out, i watched the prologue while i was really fucking high and i cannot tell you how much this scene fucking wrecked me lmao

i reached image limit for this post but god i hope hearing people sing happy birthday just fucking haunts rajan for the rest of his life

man, i still remember watching the prologue for the first time and really just not knowing what i was getting myself into since i had never watched a gundam series before, but like even as a standalone watch, the prologue fuckin delivers

ok onto episode 1

#g witch #rewatch time #g witch prologue

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viatorix · 2 years

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Sol’s OBKK Fic Rec List

ObiKaka fic rec list let’s goooooo! Here’s a list of my absolute favourites and ones I’m currently subscribed to. I’ll be adding to this when new favs pop up.

Long Fic

Diplopia by blacknoise. [Probably abandoned]. Damn I love this one. Post-fourth war obkk where Obito is still an angy boy and vicious. It's pretty dark in places, and the relationship is pretty toxic and sex-fueled (by god there's a lot of sex), but it looks like it has the chance to slowly get better.

Kamui Blues by butter_peanut. [Completed] Obkk become Kamui roommates and sort of fall in love along the way and Obito realises that maybe this world is worth saving after all. God I just *bites knuckle* love this so much. Angsty and sweet and with a happy ending and finished??? Hell yes.

Pitch Black by butter_peanut [Completed] Obito gives Kakashi both of his eyes raises baby Naruto while blind. Role reversal as he’s stalked by a ruthless Kakashi who can’t stop caring about Obito.

Pity Speaks Backwards by cyavillain [Completed]. Right before he’s supposed to announce the 4th War, Obito decides he doesn’t want to do this anymore but doesn’t want to go back to Konoha and helps Kakashi on the downlow. Heavy Hurt/Comfort with sexual healing. Mainly just focuses on Obito and Kakashi’s relationship.

Quintessential Reflection by ridingthemagic2arpet [WIP]. Kakashi discovers Kamui and a strange Akatsuki member who inhabits it. He’s convinced that Tobi has stolen Obito’s eye and Kakashi intends to bring down the whole organisation from the inside.

Gem of the Eddy by beetlebee [Probably abandoned] Obkk isn't the main focus of the plot, which instead involves around the revival of Uzushio, but this fic is still funny, and cute, and heartwarming. Oh, and Kakashi has been turned into a kitsune fox along with the rest of Team 7. The interactions between fox!Kakashi and Obito are so good, I've gone back and just read those chapters. Beetlebee also has a few other obkk fic that are pretty good.

Discography by malamanteau [WIP] Post-fourth war that focuses on Kakashi and Obito's relationship and Obito accepting the damage he's done and trying to make up for it.

The Komorebi Series by tomorrowsrain [Probably abandoned] After Obito sets the Kyuubi on Konoha (which he soon regrets) and Kakashi defends him, they're both banished from Konoha and roam as missing-nin. Only have Team 7 fostered on them and become sensei. This is really sweet with serious found family feels going on.

What Once Was Lost by LilanAsmodora [WIP] Obito kills Kakashi during the fourth war and insta-regrets while also being haunted by Kakashi's not-ghost. He tries to fix things by going back in time and saving his younger self. There's still a lot of set up going on in this fic but it looks like it's heading interesting places and I do enjoy the multiple POVs.

Eleven Months by Amikotsu [Probably abandoned]. Obito breaks out of Madara’s cave, losing his Zetsu arm in the process and while he can’t save Rin, he can return with Kakashi to Konoha. This is just really sweet with young Obito and Kakashi becoming friends and reliant on one another. It’s pre-ObiKaka still where it’s stopped (they’re still young teenagers). Also features really nice original side characters. Really wish this would update.

Crimson Stains by Hellowriters [Probably abandoned]. Kakashi accidently dimension hops in his pajamas to a world where Obito is alive and Kakashi’s alternative self is the leader of Akatsuki. The shinobi world has all but been destroyed and the remnants of those who oppose Akatsuki are forced to survive underground. Nice intrigue going on. Also features Hokage Kushina!

One shots

Convergence by blacknoise. Snippets of Obito and Kakashi's relationship that are really sweet and angsty all at the same time.

The New Recruit by butter_peanut. I’m just out here recommending all of Peanut’s stuff, don’t mind me. Kakashi infiltrates Akatsuki as Sukea and there are shenanigans.

Ghost Story by Hiiraeth. Not explicitly OBKK (tagged platonic in this only), but still good. Obito doesn’t die, to his surprise, and now shares a body with Kakashi.

Let me feel your heartbeat (grow faster, faster) by MomoYoMaki. Little time travel fic in which Kakashi travels back to his younger self and jail breaks Obito from Madara’s cave.

Choose life by Foxfluent. Obito saves Kakashi’s life. Then keeps on saving him. They both fall a little in love. Very sweet.

Smut ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Do me a favor by colormebleu. [WIP] Obito and Kakashi have been fake dating for years and now start to ‘practice’ sex to ‘make it convincing’ and well...

A Week in Kiri With the Hound by butter_peanut. [Completed] Kakashi doesn’t love himself and Obito teaches him how with sex

You’re just a daydream away by shannyan [Complete] Largely smut but with feelings that make me gooey inside. Obito visits Kakashi in his Tsukuyomi dream and doesn’t understand why despite the fact that Kakashi could have anything he wanted, his dream is about his devotion to Obito. Obito hijacks Dream!Obito’s body and things go from there. I really love this one.

#obkk #obikaka #kakaobi #naruto #hatake kakashi #uchiha obito

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picathartidae · 3 months

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random OC ask: does your OC have any significant relationships that have defined them, for better or for worse? what do those relationship(s) look like, and have they changed over the course of your OC’s story?

oooooo! Love this question! My answer will involve heavy spoilers, though. Probably also going to be a long one, too.

Pre-amnesia;

The most important people in Alassane's early life was his foster family, which I made a whole thing, and it's all very tied up in his name and his sense of identity. Essentially, this couple that took him in gave him a version of a traditional family name, as a way of showing him that he was their son, in every way that mattered, and he always would be, even after they had a biological child of their own. This meant literally everything to young innocent baby child Alassane, who was always a little traumatised by the fact that he had been abandoned by his "real" family. Consequently, the name "Alassane Erendse" is deeply, deeply important to him. It's so important to him that he still clings to it long after his foster family met their bloody end. He even keeps using it after the events of the game, despite it having come to represent the monstrous past that he's desperately trying to escape from.

Their death was the one thing that Alassane ever truly regretted in the depths of his Dark Urge murder fun time era, and continued to haunt him for the rest of his life.

The other important relationship in his life prior to losing his memories is of course Bhaal. The fact that he was just abandoned on the streets as an infant haunted Alassane for his entire childhood, sowing the seeds of a deep unspoken insecurity and desire to please. Alassane was obsessed with the idea of earning Father's affection and being the favourite, making it so he wouldn't be abandoned again.

Bhaal turned Alassane into a monster that was so utterly beyond redemption it was almost comical, and made it absolutely clear that Father Dearest was the only one who would ever love him. Eventually, it got to the point where Bhaal didn't have to do anything, because Alassane simply sabotaged his own budding relationships in order to appease Him.

This relationship obviously changed drastically, as Alassane was abruptly removed from the situation, and lost all memory of it. When faced with his past, he realised just how insanely abusive this dynamic was, told his dad to shove it, and was promptly spectacularly disowned for his insolence.

Post-amnesia;

Unsurprisingly, his most important relationships after the memory loss is our usual main cast of colourful characters. However, the three main stand-outs are Astarion, Karlach, and Jaheira.

Astarion;

They're both terrible people who somehow, against all odds, manage to actually bring out the best in each other. Ultimately it's through their relationship that either of them actually succeed in becoming better people by the end. They have a similar journey of self-acceptance and healing from trauma and having to figure out who they are. They repeatedly butt heads and argue maybe more than they should, but it's because they actually matter to each other.

Their relationship changed quite a lot over the course of the game. It started out as somewhat cold, vague mutual dislike. Then Astarion figured the emotionally fragile amnesiac who's convinced he's losing his mind was probably the best and easiest person to manipulate, and Alassane completely fell for it because, you know, he's an emotionally fragile amnesiac who's convinced he's losing his mind. Then, whoops, feelings happened. Alassane realised that he cared about Astarion during the kill your love interest scene in Act II, surprising himself with just how ardently he fought against it. Astarion also immediately had a crisis after this, as he realised that he did actually care about Alassane, and genuinely was more worried about him and his well being rather than his own. Things got awkward, and they decided to try being in a real relationship maybe.

They're extremely messy in Act III. Both have feelings while being allergic to having feelings and they both lash out a bit. Somehow they work it out. They're still together six months later and they seem happy.

Karlach;

Basically Alassane's best friend, and arguably the person he trusts the most out of everyone.

They quickly bond in Act I, and grow to be very close in Act II, as Alassane accepts Karlach’s preference to die in the Material Plane rather than return to Avernus.

By the time Act III rolls around, they're basically inseparable, but then Karlach reacts extremely badly to the idea that Alassane and Gortash actually were close friends, and the revelation that Alassane had been the original mastermind behind the entire Cult of the Absolute. I like the idea of them having a harder falling out than the others at this point, so they have to struggle to rebuild their friendship from before. Alassane finds this absolutely devastating, as he had no idea of his part in the overarching evil plan, or his previous friendship with Gortash. They manage to make up, obviously. I don’t think Karlach was ever actually mad at Alassane (not as she knows him, anyway), but more the situation, and Gortash. She’s also grieving her own life.

In the end, when they're faced with the fact that one of them has to become a mind flayer after they've freed Orpheus, Alassane completely breaks down, realising that he's the one who should pay the price, and needs to face the consequences of his actions. Karlach stops him and becomes a mind flayer herself, and that utterly destroys Alassane, knowing that her soul is gone and "Karlach" is effectively dead.

I just really enjoy the devastating emotional gut-punch.

Jaheira;

Initially tense, but they come to like each other over the course of Act II, and develop a very amicable relationship by Act III. Jaheira is the self-appointed parent of the group, and semi-adopts Alassane in particular.

Jaheira puts together Alassane’s true nature as a Bhaalspawn at some point in Act II. She’s incredibly wary, but warms up to him and sort of becomes something of a mentor to him through his prolonged mental breakdown about it.

Alassane is very comfortable with her, and feels safe enough that he allows more of his original personality to surface. I think Jaheira is the reason Alassane has his moment of understanding that the problem is not in who he is. As such, Alassane is comfortable needling and pushing back against Jaheira. Alassane appreciates the almost sort of maternal affection, though tends to play up the annoyed teenager act, pretending to hate her calling him ‘cub’ when he secretly kind of loves it.

I'm just in love with Jaheira's dynamic with Dark Urge. It's neat!

Hoo boy that was an essay! I hope you enjoyed my nonsense!

#character asks #oc: alassane erendse

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wingsofescape · 1 year

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Edwin Week 2023: Day 2: Purpose

In which Winry writes a letter to the person she misses. Set post-03 but pre-CoS.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed,

I don’t really know what the purpose of this letter is, other than I have too many words to say and the person I want to say them to isn’t here. And if you’re wondering, yes, that’s you. Where the hell have you gone? How could you just disappear without a trace or an explanation? You’re a pain in the ass on a good day but this is a whole new level of fucking asshole douchebag behaviour.

And still, I want you to come back. There’s so much you’re missing out on. Gracia’s apple pie is still as delicious and she’s been teaching me the recipe. Elicia asks about you constantly. Rose is staying with us with her son. I know she thinks about you too. She blames herself, even though she won’t say it. So if you could come back, like, now, it’d be great.

I watch the seasons change. Spring has come and gone and summer is just around the corner. Al and I are going to the summer festival but I can’t help but think it’s not the same without you. You should be here. Why aren’t you here? Are you coming back?

I went to Central alone and saw you in every blonde boy with a braid. Hope rises and falls like a breath but I lose my breath for every person I think is you. It’s always disappointing when it’s not you.

I have to move on. Maybe you’re dead and never coming back. Maybe you’re stuck in some alternate dimension or been kidnapped by aliens (I swear, the things Sciezka will come up with). Maybe you decided you had enough of this life and wanted a new one. I have no idea and I’d give up all my limbs to have an explanation.

I wish you’d let me be there in your pain and your grief instead of shutting me out time after time. I know I can’t change the world or take away the things that haunt you, but I can’t help but think things could’ve been different if you’d given me more information. If you’d shared your pain instead of hoarding it like some dragon guarding gold.

You need people, Ed. Pain never eases by isolating yourself and waiting for alchemy, fate, time, to one day show up and make you better. You get through grief by living. By getting out of bed and opening the windows even when you’d rather shut the blinds. By being around the people who love you and care about you even when you’d rather be alone. Grief is a treacherous being that will make you think nobody understands and only you can get through it alone. And maybe people won’t understand. But let them try. Let them in. You might be surprised.

We want to be there for you. I want to be there for you. To give you hope, faith, and a new sense of purpose. To tell you that life is worth living, even though the people you have lost aren’t there anymore. How people never really die, but live on in the parts of your heart they have touched.

I hope you’re happy, wherever you are. But I also hope you will think of us, of me, and return home. You’ll always have a home here, even if you want to burn it down. I know I shouldn’t wait for you, but I can’t help but stand on my balcony every night and shine a light over the hills, praying for your return.

Come back, Ed. I miss you. Come home.

Your automail junkie,

Winry

@503week

#edwin #edwin week #503week #winry rockbell #edward elric #fma 03 #edwin week 2023 #day 2: purpose

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steviewashere · 2 months

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Still You

Pairing: Platonic Steve Harrington & Nancy Wheeler, Pre-Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler & Barbara Holland Rating: General CW: None Apply! Tags: Post Canon, Post Season Four, Coming Out, Hugging, Platonic Hand Holding, References to Canon Scenes, Apologizing, Making Up, Past Steve Harrington/Nancy Wheeler, Forgiveness, Nancy Wheeler is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart

💛—————💛

They aren’t very close anymore. But still, Nancy finds herself calling out, “Steve?”

There’s a Dungeons & Dragons gathering in her basement. Mike and his friends are all there, circled around Eddie as the dungeon master. And Steve’s sitting on the sideline, comfortably reading an old magazine, feet propped up on Robin’s lap. She wonders what it’s like, to have a best friend that close still. After everything.

He immediately drops what he’s reading. Eyes shooting up to the stairs where she’s standing. His face growing pale and concerned. “Yeah, Nance? Are you okay?”

She wants to roll her eyes, scoff or something. How can he still care, she wonders. But doesn’t let herself linger on that. Simply, she asks, “Can you come to my room really quick? I need to talk to you about something.” She half expected the room to breakout in whoops and cheers on behalf of Steve, something about winning over the girl, something about getting his groove back. But there must be something in her voice, timid and shaking, that causes them to just stare at her. Wide-eyed, hands stilled over their dice, leaning towards their backpacks where their walkies all are. Eddie looks up from his screen, eyes flicking to here, eyebrows raised. His silent question, Do you need me, too? She looks away without acknowledging. Sure, somehow and for some reason, they’ve grown close as friends. But this is a Steve conversation.

It’s a conversation that she’s been dreading for years. He follows up the stairs after her, slow and careful like he’s about to be scolded. She’d laugh in another life. Maybe in that life it’s one where this conversation actually doesn’t need to happen. In that life, monsters aren’t real and they’re probably still together and life is simply…simple.

When they get to her room, he shuts the door softly behind them. Though, instead of entering any further than the doorway, he stands idle. She supposes it’s odd, to have your ex-partner ask to have a private conversation with you. There’s six feet between them where she settles on the edge of her bed. Arms crossed over her chest. Head tilted south. Her stomach churns uneasily. Out of the corner of her eye, Steve remains stock still, just the slight twitching of his fingers noticeable, as if he’s itching to reach out or put them somewhere.

She takes a steadying deep breath. “Do you remember—No, sorry, of course you remember that night.” Her hands fall to her lap, rubbing up and down on her thighs. Nancy lifts her head, throwing a sparing glance at Steve. He’s so expressive—concerned and petrified. “Halloween, 1984,” she murmurs, “I said some things that I could never take back. And that sort of lead to our whole falling out. Just—I just wanted to apologize. For what I said.”

“Forgiven,” he states. “Honestly? I think a part of me forgave you the moment you called me, well, y’know. Needed to hear the truth, didn’t I?” Steve chuckles self-deprecatingly.

“No, Steve,” she hits back. Her eyes lock on him now. Probably scared and haunted. Definitely determined, maybe a little crazed. “Steve, I don’t think you heard me. I said that I’m apologizing.”

“And I’m forgiving you,” he murmurs. “Nance, we were traumatized teenagers. We are still traumatized. I was expecting you to spring back and move on. But that’s—Nancy, there’s no real way to bounce back from the shit we’ve experienced,” he explains, “you, especially so.”

She huffs. “What do you mean?”

“Nance,” he sighs. “You lost your best friend, obviously you weren’t going to go back to normal. Of course what I was trying to do was bullshit. I forgive you. Is that—“

“Okay,” she mutters, closing her eyes and nodding to herself. “Yeah, okay, I guess it’s that easy. Can I—“ Her right hand drags up from her leg, reaching out towards Steve, fingers spread. Eyes pleading.

He comes closer, taking her hand softly. But instead of sitting down, he just stands, holding her hand. They’re both trembling. She soothes her thumb over the back of his hand. “Can I tell you the other thing?” She whispers. Then, finally, he sits down. There’s a good six inches of space between them now. But it’s okay. It’s comforting. The warmth. The way he holds to her, it almost reminds her what it’s like to be normal.

She takes another deep breath, he squeezes her palm, and she swallows. Eyes away, towards her dresser, at the drawer filled with old polaroids. The one place in the world where Barb still exists. “Robin,” she begins, “told me it would be okay to tell you this.” Her other hand comes up, fingertips tracing his nail beds. They’re dry, slightly indented from him biting his nails, a couple chipped with clear polish. “I don’t think I’ve ever been normal,” she whispers, “What I had, what I felt with Barb isn’t considered normal.” Her voice stops there.

“Okay,” he murmurs, “it’s okay to not be normal, Nance. It’s alright—“

“Steve, I like girls,” she rushes out in one breath. Her palm squeezing in a vice grip, though Steve doesn’t make a sound. “It doesn’t change what I had felt for you at one point,” she elaborates, “I think I’ve always been like this. But I still like guys. Just—I—The reason I’m telling you is because it has to do with that Halloween. Yes, I was mourning Barb, but I was…Steve, she—“ Her voice wobbles, edging on a soft cry. He slowly brings up his other hand, placing it on her shaking shoulder. Squeezing there, too. “—She was, I loved her, Steve,” Nancy confesses. “But I didn’t realize until I lost her and I tried. I tried really hard to get over it all, to go back to normal, but I couldn’t. Even with Jonathan, something has always felt—I don’t know,” she softly cries, “I don’t know, Steve. I’m sorry.”

All at once, though carefully, Steve brings her into his warmth. A hug, tight and gentle. Encompassing. His comfort like a blanket on her back. He quietly hushes. “It’s alright, Nance,” he breathes, “don’t apologize.” He drags a palm down her spine, up and down in slow strokes. “Whatever you’re feeling is okay. It’s okay, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

She wraps back, crying messily into his shoulder, letting herself finally collapse. The weight of Barb’s absence, those feelings trapped between shadows and fighting, any mistakes she’s made—all of it comes crashing down. In something familiar, in the presence of normality, so foreign to her but somehow correct. Somehow welcomed in this moment.

When she’s able to pull back, Steve’s palms cup her cheeks. Swiping away the tacky tears trying to dry on her skin. He looks upon her with soft reverence. Every movement from his thumbs like dragging away part of the mold she’s tried to stick herself in.

“Thank you for telling me,” he whispers when they lock eyes. “Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you and I understand, okay? This—none of this—changes who you are to me, who you were to me at the time, and it won’t change a single damn thing. You’re still Nancy Wheeler. And I still adore you, alright?” He nods and she finds herself nodding back.

She finds herself admitting, too, chuckling with it, “I think I really like Robin. Which…That scares me. She kind of—It’s almost like talking to Barb again, sometimes.”

He smiles at her, something soft and knowing. “It’s alright to be scared,” he whispers. “And it’s also okay to think more about it. I’m here if you want to talk. I’m also here if you want me to set you guys up,” he lowly chuckles. And for a moment, their small giggles filling her bedroom, she’s almost normal. This moment will probably be the closest thing she gets to that time before Barb disappeared.

Steve’s familiar warmth, his words, his actions swaddle her. She heaves a sigh as he removes his palms from her face. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that,” she laughs. “Wanna go bug her in the basement with me? Might make this easier.”

“Sure,” he mutters, “And, Nance?” She looks to him. “You’re secret is safe with me. I promise.”

She nods again. “Thank you, Steve. I knew I could trust you.”

💛—————💛

#stranger things #platonic stancy #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #pre-robin buckley/nancy wheeler #past steve harrington/nancy wheeler #coming out #apologizing #making up

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didiersdragon · 2 years

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hello hello, here's a silly little poetic thing i wrote at 3 am about Kai dealing with nya's death, it's called "little love" hope u enjoy <3

(set in post seabound and pre crystallised)

For as long as he remembered, Kai found the crashing waves irritating. The ocean had always been so loud. A cacophony that sent shivers down his spine, as if a ghost were reaching in to steal his soul. He feared the water; a deep blue that showed no mercy in her grasp. It would crash at his feet and give him nightmares of sirens dragging him under into her depths. Visions of what lay beneath where the light never reached haunted him. The ocean, a force that rattled his very soul with a loathsome sense of weakness. The ocean, his very ruin.

Yet, he could never bring himself to hate the ocean.

Why? Because of her.

Even at the mere age of five, she was the epitome of bravery and curiosity. No fear present in her stride, her steps as steady as the waves against the corroding cliffs. Determination set to succeed and explore. No hand could ever bring her down, for she was a girl with a soul strengthened by many warriors before her. One who would become as strong as the seas before her. There would be no creature powerful enough to bring calm to the force of nature named Nya.

He could never hate the ocean, for his little love was her.

She used to run to the waves, ignoring his yells for her to slow down and remain close to him. Her arms wide open as if she were seeing an old friend. No worries ever marred her soft features when she was near the water. It was as if she knew all the secrets that died beneath the waves and she was not afraid to discover more. That despite her brother's folktales of creatures that would drag her to the deep, warnings of the life being stolen from her lungs, she knew the ocean would never harm her.

And maybe she did know. Maybe when she stood with her toes rooted into the wet sand, the waves tickling her knees and the salty air kissing her freckled cheeks, that the ocean loved her. Like all would. Like he did. Maybe the sound of the ocean was not as harsh for her as it was for him. Maybe the sound was euphony to the child's ears, a lullaby that the young voice of her older brother's could never sing well enough. Filling an integral space in their present that had disappeared. Maybe it gave her the hope and happiness that he longed to be able to give her.

And maybe that's why, despite never being fond of the ocean himself, he returned to her after she took back her heart. He sat at the shore and let the waves kiss his sorrows. He let her hold him willingly. He lets her soothe his weary bones and embrace his cries in the salty air he once found chilling. His tears become one with her. And maybe, he prayed to whoever may listen, that his tears would somehow find their way to the other half of his soul. The one he lost beneath the depths in which he never entered. That his tears would provide her the last bit of warmth he held in his heart, so even in the cold depths, she would feel his love. He made sure that, although he made the choice to live, the ocean held his will. That he was simply a man who knew nothing more than to put one foot in front of the other. For his fears have won, but she played the game fairly and he knew when to admit defeat.

So he leaves his soul in her arms and mourns the loss. Mourns his little love.

The sun rises. And the moon hides.

The waves continue her dance. And he will continue his.

i think Kai never liked the ocean because of his aquaphobia but when Nya was always close with the ocean, he hated it a bit less and finally could never hate it at all after Nya became the ocean. He couldn't blame the ocean for what it did to Nya because it was Nya. Maybe when he was younger he would've been harsher but he has matured.

I also believe that although Jay and Nya shared two halves of a heart, Kai and Nya shared a soul.

all of this is up to your interpretation! this was meant to be an opening for a fic i was working on but i got a little too deep into it hehe. also big thanks to artical for betaing <33 whatever y'all get from this little (over 600 words is not little) thing, i would love to hear it :)

#ninjago #kai smith #kai jiang #nya smith #nya jiang #lego ninjago #kai ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago nya #jinx the dragon rambles #terrified to post this but here goes #might put it on ao3 #maybe

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midmorning-bomb · 1 year

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Thanks for the tag @meggie-stardust, I'm always up for some shameless self-promotion.

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to AO3 (Sort by date posted.) If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have!

Honey Dew (Stiles/Peter) “We used to have ritual szable, you know. Slung across our backs, stained with the blood of the unworthy. Then later, daggers hidden in our cloaks or the pins of our hats. And now omegas are supposed to, what? Threaten an alpha with your salad fork? Politely flag down security? Tch. I stabbed a suitor with a steak knife once, clean through the meat of his palm.”

Leave the war with me (Stiles/Peter) Stiles has taken a punch before. He’s gotten into scraps. He’s scrappy. Words usually save him before it gets too far. Stiles talks his way out or he runs. He knows it’s looking pretty dire this time, though, when he’s thrown into the basement to find Erica and Boyd chained to the ceiling like a low-budget Saw knockoff.

To the Child Drifting Out to Sea (Stiles/Chris) “It won’t be them.”

Changed (Stiles/Peter/Chris) Peter should have protested more, he thinks.

Milk & Honey (Stiles/Peter) There’s a story about a boy in the preserve. There’s a story about a monster in the forest. There’s a story about a thing that tears apart the wicked, leaves them in pieces, haunting the woods around Beacon Hills.

sleep baby sleep (Stiles/Peter) Stiles looks down at the new line on his forearm and sighs. This one won't be a long wait, at least. You're so beautiful, I wish we had more time.

Please don't go (Stiles/Peter) “Fuck you, Peter! Fuck. You. You do not get to do this to me.”

Sway (Stiles/Peter, Pre-Stiles/Peter/Chris) There’s another world where this isn’t happening right now.

Better Days (Stiles/Peter) It starts out as making up for his lost year. Stiles wants to try everything and Peter wants to give him everything, so it works for them.

Possibly Maybe (Stiles/Peter) “Charming.”

Tagging anyone who would like to rec some of their own recent work!

#teen wolf #fic #fic rec #tagged

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tealenko · 2 years

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Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Echoes from the Past

Don't let the title fool you, this chapter is 30% fun and 70% angst (sorry guys... but it's ME3, there's no realism if Shepard doesn't go a bit crazy little by little).

By the way, I went a bit mad myself and there's like A TON of references to my previous fics of this saga, especially to Listen Before I Go (Shepard's pre-ME1 story in the Alliance) and Never Have I Ever (Where Shep, Garrus, Vega and Kaidan get mega drunk and say way too many things they shouldn't have).

I'm at that point where all my fics are connected and that's okay, because I'm 100% writing them for myself (well... 90%, if it was 100% they would be in Spanish lol)

Anyways...

Sorry this took me so long. Life happens (You can always check my tumblr to see what I'm writing and if I'm close to post a new chapter)

Summary: Shepard wakes up and has to deal with the consequences of what she did when she got drunk.

Words: 4717 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language and drinking

Read in AO3 -> [link] Previous Chapter -> [Link] Next Chapter -> [Link]

Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

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“Shepard.”

She hears her name like an echo. A whisper that retumbs through every shadow and fades on the horizon along with the rest of the scenery.

“Live… Be someone…”

Dark trees grow in thousands from her surroundings to infinity, planted through a limbo of trembling shadows and thick fog that makes it impossible to discern if there’s truly an end to the whole scenery.

“...be more.”

The air is so dense that she finds it almost impossible to breathe and think at the same time, feeling like an unknown gravity, way stronger and harsher than the one she’s used to, keeps trying to bring her down to the ground.

“Maybe in another life…”

After a few seconds of disorientation, she starts walking, moment in which the voice becomes louder, clearer and is promptly joined by many more.

“Kalahira…”

“...”

“Go back and get Alenko.”

“...”

“Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

“...”

She crouches under the overwhelming noise, hugging her legs as she fixes her eyes on the ground in a futile attempt of concentrating on something else than the many voices that haunt her past.

“First time, eh?”

“…”

She freezes in place.

All the other voices are banished away by the appearance of the last one, which sounds so sharp and real that she is almost expecting to find its owner in front of her if her eyes ever dare to leave the ground.

Nevertheless, she keeps her sight still, along with the rest of her body, too afraid of both hearing and not hearing that specific voice ever again if she decides to move in the slightest.

“I trust your gut Dee, choose and I’ll follow.”

She shakes her head a couple of times, too tortured by the memories that are now gathering in her mind but, against her efforts, her attempt to make it all dissapear only makes things worse and, in a matter of seconds, echoes from all the past conversations with her long lost friend, start to fill the air that surrounds her.

“I’m just here because of you.” A tear starts falling slowly, way too unhurried to follow the laws of physics, somehow unaffected by the strange force that’s keeping her down to the ground.

“You already have a plan, don’t you?” She remains still, avoiding any kind of movement to see if that makes it fade away.

It doesn’t.

“Oh, come on Dee! You don’t fool anyone... You love me and you know it!” She can hear the laugh that came along with that sentence almost a decade ago floating around her, and also feel the warm embrace that came right after.

“Wait… That’s why? No… That’s the true meaning of that ring?” Her hand closes instinctively, trying to hold on onto the piece of jewelry that is no longer there. Hasn’t been for years now.

A second tear falls now.

And a third.

And a fourth.

“How about a song?”

Shepard covers her ears with her hands while the tears keep traveling steadily across her face, in a desperate attempt of silencing the voice, with every sentence hurting her more than the one before.

Nevertheless, and despite all her efforts, one last memory makes it all the way through her pain in order to give her the final strike.

“Dee, listen… Please… Do not let me become an anchor.”

Her crying stops dead the moment she hears that, feeling her heart falling apart along with whatever was left of tears and, before she has time to think about it, her body decides to move on its own, quickly redirecting her eyes against her will to search for the source of all those words.

Unfortunately, all she finds after raising her head is the familiar wall of her room, that seems now narrower than ever after her haunting visit to the vast neverending forest.

“What…?”

It takes her a few seconds to be fully awake and come to terms with where she is.

“A dream.” She says after a big sigh, observing all the details of her cabin as her mind returns to the real world. “Another dream…”

She frets about it for a second before all her other worries distract her from this one and, in no time, her head is filled once again with the burden of all of the tasks attached to the title that, for years now, has replaced her true name.

Shepard’s usual routine starts once again but, as she finishes checking her messages on her omni-tool, one remnant teardrop falls onto it, carried along from her dreams into reality.

She looks at it for a second before getting out of bed and, as she clears her face and what’s left of her sorrow on it, she heads to the elevator, trying her best to leave behind in her room, not only the tears, but the forest and the echoes that caused them in the first place.

"EDI, are Garrus or Vega alive right now?"

"If by alive you mean awake, yes. Garrus is in port observation, in his own words: taking a rest from ‘keeping the Normandy afloat’. Which I find to be a deeply inaccurate affirmation, but he insists that: ‘nothing could be more true’."

Shepard laughs a little.

"Thanks EDI."

After taking a deep breath, she presses the elevator panel and heads to the crew deck.

She's resolved to go directly to talk with her friend, before she has time to overthink or question what she wants to tell him.

Nevertheless, a familiar laugher coming from the kitchen area suddenly calls her attention, and she is unable to resist her curiosity, which leads her to lean against the hallway walls as she focuses all her senses in dropping ears in the distant conversation.

"You have to be kidding me…" Kaidan says, way too pleased by the new information he just received. "So… I'm crazy enough to forgive her, eh?"

"That's what she said."

Liara’s voice sounds very happy too, amused, she figures, by his reaction to her news.

"Nah, you just made that up to cheer me up."

"I didn't, I swear."

"Are you sure those were her words?" Kaidan asks again. "That doesn't sound like Shepard."

"I was there, Kaidan… Why are you finding it so hard to believe?"

"I don't know…" There’s a moment of silence, but Shepard doesn't need to see Liara's reaction to understand the look she’s giving him once she hears him laughing as consequence. "Okay, okay. It's just… That I see nothing to forgive.“ He clarifies. ”She did what she had to."

That last statement hits Shepard right in her heart, who suddenly starts to understand how deep the root of her guilt of having to work for Cerberus extends into her being.

"So… You'd choose differently, if given the chance again?"

"No… No, at least I don't think so. Would you?" Kaidan sighs and giggles a little. "She is right. I'm not able to go against my morals and judgment, not even for her."

Liara doesn't add anything to his reply. Shepard can imagine her staring at Kaidan, processing all he said to her with care before she actually forms a new opinion.

"Lucky for me, she says she likes that about me." Kaidan chuckles a little. "Which is ironic if you think about it…"

"What is?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't easy for her… To go against her own wishes in the name of a greater good, and…" Kaidan takes a second to clear his throat. "I guess, that's one of the things that made me fall in love with her in the first place. The fact that she always puts everything and everyone before herself… I mean, to a point.” He laughs again and, this time around, she knows perfectly the reason why. “I can’t count how many times I’ve wished she would take better care of herself…"

Kaidan stops mid sentence and sighs.

"Sorry… I was just thinking out loud." He tells her. "It's just that I… I…”

“Yes?” Liara asks him, giving him all the time he requires to reply.

“I just wish I would’ve seen everything so clearly a year ago."

It’s difficult to pinpoint which one of them is more affected by Kaidan’s last sentence, the two members of the actual conversation, or the one this one is about, who keep listening to them from afar.

"Better late than never…"

"True."

Both of them laugh again and fall silent and, before she has time to process everything they just said, she notices a set of footsteps coming closer to her by the second.

“Hey Lola.” James greets her, appearing out of nowhere and making her jump a little. “Uff, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Shepard laughs and shakes her head a couple of times.

“No, no… It’s okay. In fact, I wanted to talk to you and your bestie, have a second?”

“My bes… Ah, Scars.” James laughs at her comment. “Yeah, of course, order and I’ll follow.”

“Great then.”

They walk together into the room and find Garrus there, sitting on one of the sofas, telling battle stories to one of the youngest soldiers of the crew.

The turian looks briefly at them before continuing talking, dedicating them a subtle nod as a greeting.

Shepard and Vega don’t even need to talk to know what to do. They just share an amused look and sit on the bar right after, pulling out a couple of beers to drink as they become silent members of the audience and let Garrus continue his stories.

They stay like that for a while. With the Turian sharing his experiences and cracking a joke here and there while everyone else listens and pays attention to everything he has to say.

After almost an hour like this, the young man excuses himself and goes away to resume his duty, leaving the three friends alone in the room.

“So…” Garrus says after a few seconds of awkward silence. “How’s it going, Shepard?”

“Great, surviving.” All of them laugh and relax a little. “How about you?”

“Well, surviving as well.” He replies. “Remind me to never accept anything that comes from Vega.”

“Hey, you asked for it, Scars.”

“And this is your second time falling for it, Garrus…” Shepard ads, joining forces with the leftenant. “I thought by now you would’ve learned your lesson. No wonder you’ve never managed to finish the whole ship’s calibrations… I think we’re asking too much of you.”

Shepard and Vega break into laughter right away, cheering in honor of her teasing by toasting their bottles mid air as they laugh.

“Ahh… I should’ve known better than getting aboard an all human ship.” He says under his breath, or in its turian counterpart, which makes his two friends laugh even more. “This is why you’re here? To make fun of me?”

“No, that’s not it…”

“Lola wants to speak with us, Scars.” James interrupts her, giving a lot of emphasis to the word ‘speak’. “I guess this is when she begs us to keep the whole ‘Alenko deal’ down to ourselves.”

The two of them smile and, to their surprise, so does Shepard, who can’t avoid finding the whole situation somewhat funny.

“No, no… I mean, I’d appreciate it if I could exercise some range of discretion, I’m not gonna lie, but this kind of thing always finds its way out. Would be nice if you tried to avoid discussing it in the open, though.”

“Yeah, you got it Shep.” Garrus says, and James nods right away, both of them reassuring his friend. “We might be a pain in the ass sometime but you can trust us, right Jimmy?”

James starts laughing and nods one more time agreeing with the turian.

“Yep, and we promise to behave a little better too…” He adds, feeling a bit guilty for everything that happened in that room not so long ago. “Or at least we’ll try our best to not corner Alenko and get him drunk.”

The three of them laugh again.

“At least it was an interesting experience…” She adds when she thinks about it. “I have to say I had a great deal of fun.”

A strange silence fills the room before any of them finds the courage to ask what they really want to know but, after a few seconds of hesitation, James finally finds a way to inquire what they’re fearing.

“I really thought you were gonna scold us…” He says with a soft tone of voice. “Isn’t that why you wanted to talk with us?”

“What? No…” She replies right away, feeling now even worse about the whole situation. “No. In fact… I wanted to apologize.”

“A… Apologize?”

Despite all the remorse, Shepard can’t avoid laughing at her friends’ expressions, which have changed from remorse to disbelief in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah. Apologize.” She confirms, after seeing the confusion in their faces. “I could blame the alcohol, which I’m sure was a deciding factor in the whole thing, but, I’m your commanding officer, and I should've known better than to guilt trip the both of you into leaving us alone in the room, no matter the fact that there was more gin than blood running through my veins when that happened.”

James’ jaw falls gradually to the ground as Shepard says all this, laughing with his eyes wild open, completely in awe of her statement.

Garrus, on the other hand, stays with a confused look for almost a minute, before everything finally clicks in his mind, starting to understand a great deal more of what Shepard said on said evening, or better said, of what he can remember, which isn’t a lot.

“Wait… Are you saying…?”

“Yes.” She confirms right away.

“That’s why you tried to make him leave…”

“Yup.” She nods again.

“And the whole ‘I’ve never had a home…’”

“Yes.” She cuts him again, this time with less enthusiasm. “And I’m really sorry about that last one. I have no excuse, no matter how much… How much…”

She struggles to find the appropriate words, so she just leaves her sentence unfinished and decides to keep drinking her beer, hoping his friends are able to understand what she wants to say.

Unfortunately for her, they are.

“... how much you wanted to bang Alenko like a door on a hurricane?”

Shepard almost chokes with her drink when she hears those words coming out of Vega’s mouth, moment in which her two friends break into laughter all at once, and, after a few seconds of general shock, she surrenders herself to the whole situation and joins in too.

“Sorry, Lola… I couldn’t help it.” James says, clearing a tear and trying to compose himself.

“Nah… That’s fine, I kinda deserve it.” She considers a sentence in her mind for a couple of seconds before she says it out loud. “And let’s be honest, you’re completely right.”

James smiles and claps a couple of times.

“Well, it’s good to know we didn’t say anything inappropriate…” He says as he stands up, getting ready to go back to his schedule.

“Oh! I mean, you totally did…” Shepard replies right away, in between chuckles. “But it takes more than the two of you, completely smashed and all, to offend me… ”

“Cool.”

“I mean… I used to deal with Udina’s shit on a regular basis, and,” she stops for a second of reflection, before adding in a lower tone of voice, “just between us, I’m kinda glad that he went mad and gave Alenko a reason to shoot at him.”

The three friends break into laughter all in unison this time around, creating a loud noise that, even if they aren’t aware of it, scares the life out of Tali, who was coincidentally near the elevator when the whole laughter started.

They stay like that for a while, to the point that, when Vega is finally able to collect himself and bid them farewell to carry on with his agenda, Shepard and Garrus are still struggling to go back to their normal selves.

After a few minutes like that, the turian regains a little of his composure and moves to sit next to her at the bar, needing a couple more seconds before he is finally able to say something.

“Ayy, Shepard…” He says as he pats her a couple of times on her back. “I’ve truly missed you.”

“You see me all the time, Garrus.” She says with a big smile on her face. “I mean, no one has spent more time with me in the last ten years…” She takes a moment there. “You were even crazy enough to follow me to Cerberus, being a turian and all that.”

“Not all of us are as strong as Kaidan, Shep.” She laughs a little before hitting him gently on his arm.

“Very funny.”

“I mean it…” He clarifies.

“Sure”

“I promise.”

Shepard directs her eyes to the ceiling for a moment and sighs.

“So… You aren’t gonna give me the ‘are you sure about Kaidan’ talk?” She asks as she redirects her sight to look at her friend.

“Maybe a few months ago I would’ve…” He admits in a repentant tone. “Not anymore.” He states, no hint of hesitation in his voice. “It takes a strong will to do something that goes against all of your own wishes and… Well.” He stops mid sentence and points at her with his open talons. “Look who I’m talking to.”

Shepard smiles one more time because of his comment, but he can see how her expression differs quite a lot from all her previous ones, finding a well of sadness the moment he meets her eyes.

“Yeah…” It’s the only thing she adds, in a calm tone of voice, lost in her own thoughts.

“You okay?”

It takes her a couple of seconds to process his words, but his question is able to bring her back to reality.

“Yeah.” She replies again, more sure and cheerful this time around. “Just a bit tired…”

“Of course.”

Garrus is aware that she isn’t telling the whole truth, but he knows his friend way too well to understand that delving deeper into the whole affair would only make things worse.

“So…” Shepard starts saying, trying to change the focus of their conversation. “Tali, eh?” Garrus smiles at her comment. “You moved fast Vakarian, she’s only been on the ship for a couple days.”

“We kept in touch…” He clarifies in a softer, almost shy, tone of voice. “When you went back to Earth. And well…”

Shepard touches his arm and smiles at him, letting him know she’s also able to understand what he means with only that much of a sentence.

“I’m glad for you two.”

“Yes… As I am for you.” He replies. “As I said before, I missed you.”

Shepard sighs, knowing there’s a hidden meaning in his last words, but unable to picture what he is truly saying.

Despite her better judgment, her curiosity ends up winning and, after a few seconds of processing everything, she finally decides to reply instead of using her standard strategy of avoiding this kind of conversation.

“You’ve said that already.”

“It is true.”

“So… You missed me since you saw me yesterday?” She asks with skepticism.

“No… No. I’ve missed you since I saw you fall along with the Normandy.”

For a second there Shepard feels completely defenseless against his comment.

A strange force appears out of nowhere and tries to rip her soul apart from within, both too similar and nothing alike what she remembers the feeling of drifting away into the vast space was like, with the gravity of Alchera sucking her into its atmosphere at complete mercy of the forces of the universe.

Despite everything going inside of her, she maintains a straight face. She even laughs a little at Garrus’ comment once the initial shock is gone, trying her best to hide or, better said, avoid all of her memories as long as she’s able.

Unfortunately for her, her friend doesn’t seem to be willing to let the whole thing go away so easily.

“I missed you for years now… The real you, that is.” He insists, trying his best, and failing miserably, to get a better understanding of what she’s really going through right now. Nevertheless, he keeps going with his speech. “And, for the first time in years, I'm starting to see glimmer of you, the real you.”

Shepard gives him a dry smile before gulping what was left of her beer with a somewhat annoyed look on her face, but that doesn’t stop him either.

“I mean, you even seem happy. Who would've thought that to be possible a few months ago?”

“You're exaggerating…” She tries to deflect again.

“Well, I guess that's another thing we have Alenko to thank for…” He turns a little to look better at her, knowing the effect the mention of Kaidan’s name is going to have on his friend.

For the first time in their whole conversation, he gives her enough time to process all of his words, instead of expecting an instant answer, and decides to continue with what he’s been meaning to tell her.

“That’s also the main reason I’m not gonna give you… What did you call it? The ‘Kaidan talk’?”

She laughs at his comment, this time for real, shaking away some of her previous feelings and memories for the moment.

“Yeah, something like that…”

Garrus smiles with her, thinking about the implications of her original sentence.

“Are people giving you shit about him already?”

“Already…” Shepard laughs again. “I’d say ‘still’ fits the whole situation.” She rests her arms on top of the bar, leaning backwards on her bar stool. “Not that I care, though…” She smiles. ”I’ve wanted this for so long that I really don’t give a…”

Shepard lets her words disappear into thin air, suddenly aware that she’s giving him more information than she wanted to say.

She waits patiently for his comeback, completely sure he is going to ask her to finish her sentence, but instead, he just looks at her for a few seconds and nods, not needing to hear this either to know what she meant.

“I understand.” Garrus finally tells her, moving to sit closer to her as he starts to smile, already amused by what he’s going to say. “And, next time someone tries to give you ‘the Kaidan talk’... Call me up.” He tells her, giving her a soft nudge on her arm. “I still owe you for the last two times you prevented me from killing someone.”

Making use of all of her strength, Shepard manages to control her grin long enough to give a comeback.

“Three…” She corrects him right away.. “But who's counting.”

The two of them start laughing at both of their comments, finding each one of them, and what they imply, as funny as the other.

They calm down quicker this time around, giving Garrus a new opportunity to strike one more time.

“Sooo…” He starts again once he has the chance. “Everything okay, then? With the whole ‘Kaidan thing’, I mean. Are you okay?”

As always, there’s only preoccupation in the tone of his voice, no judgment or will to pry on her personal life. Just overall worry about someone he cares about.

Her whole body asks her to reply right away and say ‘yes’, a self defense mechanism she’s been implementing since she can remember. Nevertheless, she manages to fight against it and attempts to slow down her thoughts, searching for a true answer to his question.

“I don’t know…” Shepard finally states, taking a small pause to think about her feelings. “I…”

“You feel guilty.” Garrus adds without any kind of doubt.

“Yes.”

“For being happy.”

“Yes.” She admits again, finding some sort of peace after saying it out loud. “Am I that easy to read?”

He smiles a little at her comment.

“Of course not, Shepard. It’s taken me a lot of years, alcohol and effort to refine the noble art of knowing what’s really going on inside of your head…” He says in between laughs. “I guess I deserve it, for deciding to have a human as my best friend.”

His last words crash against her harder than she could’ve ever imagined, bringing back echoes of her past that instantly begin to haunt her, no nightmare nor forest needed this time around.

I prefer to see you like this.

The voice of her long lost friend retumbs on her mind, replaying memories so accurately that she can almost see them.

Talking and laughing.

Shepard quickly stands up and takes a few steps. Summoning all her strength to hide from Garrus what’s really going on inside her head.

Please, stop. She says to herself, clenching her fist. Don’t start again…

Her own memories answer her begs, using the same reply that was used against her so many years ago.

I know, I know. You don't talk about that. You don’t talk about your name. Or about your family. You don’t talk about your past. Or your feelings. Or what you’ve been through…

“You okay?” Garrus asks, as careful as he’s able, knowing something is happening to her right now, but well aware that if he pushes this too far she’ll run away as fast as she’s able.

And he isn’t wrong.

“Eh? Ah, yes. Sure”

I get it. You never talk about yourself…

Shepard ignores the voice and keeps looking away from Garrus.

“I just remembered I… I…”

But you cannot deny that you're way happier now than when we met for the first time.

“I needed to talk with someone…”

“Someone?”

“Joker, I need to talk with Joker. Yes… To apologize and all that, for the whole drunken call.” She turns for just one second and forces a smile to say goodbye. “See you around, kay?”

And just like that she vanishes before Garrus is even able to comprehend what just happened, running from the whole situation in the blink of an eye.

“Okay…” He replies to the empty space she’s left behind, his mind still trying to find some kind of sense in the whole situation. “What…?”

After a few seconds of general confusion he shakes his head a couple of times, inspects the room and decides to clean a little, needing something else to focus on for a moment.

Garrus drags the stools closer to the bar and throws the two empty bottles of beer in the trash and, while he’s on it, his head keeps replaying the last few minutes of his conversation with Shepard, trying to find the moment where he crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

He’s been out of the loop with Shepard before, but this is new to him. This time around, he wasn’t expecting it and, worse of all, he has no idea of either the root of the problem nor its solution.

“...”

He quickly runs out of distractions and, the moment there’s nothing else to do, he goes back to his frozen pose and is instantly swallowed by the dilemma once again.

The fact that she reacted better than he thought she would to everything he was afraid to ask up to that point isn’t helping either, making the whole problem even harder to pinpoint.

“Maybe it's nothing and I’m obsessing over it…” He says, almost surrendering to the whole idea that if he isn’t able to find the problem, there must be none. “Yeah, that has to be it.”

He starts walking towards the door and, for a few seconds, he almost succeeds in fooling himself.

“You worry too much about nonsense, Garrus.”

His own lie works flawlessly against him for a moment there, for who could know more about Shepard than him, right? He says in his mind. If I don’t see anything…

Nevertheless, something makes him stop at the threshold, right when he’s in the middle of his inner speech, no longer able to deny what’s the real thing he needs to do in order to get some clarity.

“Ah…” He sighs at last, finally choosing to do what’s best for his friend, and not what’s easier for him to accept. “I need to talk to Kaidan.”

-------------------------------

*hums melody before starting to sing* loooook I made you some conteeeeeeeeeent XDDDDDDDDDD Sorry, I had to.

Errrmm... I'm going to address it in the future but, for those who didn't understand what's going on with Shep, the main character in her dreams, that she also hears at the end, is the main character in LBIG. Her best friend from training days and... Well, my Shep has the survivor background so... you can imagine the rest (and if you don't it's okay, I'm going to write it... aaaaand that fic will end in Akuze T-T) Anyway... You may now be able understand why Garrus calling her his "best friend" is so triggering for her.

Btw, don't worry, next 2 chapters are going to be more fun than angsty (I promise XD)

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #mass effect 3 #femshep x kaidan #fanfic

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