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The Most Important Review of Every Single Marwan Kenzari Film

If you’ve seen this one about Luca, you know the drill.

Now, Marwan’s brand is a little less defined than Luca’s but I managed to find similar tropes in a lot of his films. Also, rather than copy myself and give you a redundant Marwanmeter, I decided instead to recommend which Luca character best pairs with each Marwan character for your crossover pleasure. Let’s see if we ship the same things! Some of them are crack. You’re welcome.

(all gifs again by the awesomely amazing @weardes​ who did not ask to be my gif factory but life’s a bitch)

Het zusje van Katia (2008)

Will you miss him if you blink? Kinda. They talk about him a lot but his actual screen time is like 43.7 seconds. Also can I just say... he’s supposed to be from Italy?? The boy says literally one (1) Italian word, and you’ll never guess what it is. (Obviously, it’s “bella” like there’s a chance he could’ve said anything else.)

Is he hot? Painfully hot.

Is he naked? There’s this one scene where he’s wearing the sluttiest pair of speedos I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Does his hair look great? Actually, yes. Perfect hair, perfect beard, he looks amazing.

Does he fuck? Yes, a lot - off screen, including an M/M/F threesome he presumably, probably, most definitely initiated.

Best paired with? From what I’ve gathered, this hoe ain’t loyal, so the best course of action is to find him a Luca that would benefit from a one night stand with no strings attached and wouldn’t fall in love with him. The obvious choice here is Valerio from Slam - Tutto per una ragazza. They meet, they fuck, then Giac makes his 4-hour drive back to Pisa, and they don’t see each other again until the next time he’s in Rome. Everybody’s happy, especially the two sluts in question.

De laatste dagen van Emma Blank (2009)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, absolutely.

Is he hot? Very.

Is he naked? Almost constantly.

Does his hair look great? He’s got those cute short curls, he looks so good.

Does he fuck? That’s literally why he’s there: to fuck and to die.

Best paired with? Man, I wish I had something to work with here. The only thing we know about him besides his sexual prowess is his affinity for white suits and toy helicopters. And as far as I know, those might be the exact things Fabrizio from Nina finds hot in guys. So like, why not?

Loft (2010)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character.

Is he hot? Yeah, sure.

Is he naked? There’s a scene where he’s wearing underwear and a tank top but it somehow makes him look like a kindergartener.

Does his hair look great? It looks quite nice.

Does he fuck? Yes, though I wish he didn’t.

Best paired with? Tom is a very violent person and a drug addict. He does messed up stuff to his sexual partners I’d rather he didn’t do to any of Luca’s characters. Feel free to use him for your sadistic fantasies or as a villain or whatever.

Rabat (2011)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s one of the three leads.

Is he hot? Oh yes! And cute!

Is he naked? He’s at the beach wearing nothing but boxer shorts.

Does his hair look great? He’s got this extreme undercut thing that would look ridiculous on anyone less pretty, so like no, he doesn’t have great hair, but also like it’s Marwan, you know what I mean?

Does he fuck? Before he embarks on a road trip with his friends, he has an offscreen threesome with two girls he picked up at a wedding. Slut.

Best paired with? Gabriele from Waves. They’re both sweet guys who could meet in some Tunisian port and decide to sail the Mediterranean Sea together.

Black Out (2012)

Will you miss him if you blink? Not unless your blinking is very deliberate.

Is he hot? Not really. He’s a dirty cop with a shitty moustache and oral fixation.

Is he naked? No, but I wish he was: his clothes are awful. Marwan is 29 in this movie and he looks 50!

Does his hair look great? Nope. They took Marwan’s usual short hair and made it not work somehow.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? The one thing Luca’s characters all have in common is that none of them come off as bootlickers. All of them are either too soft for such a relationship or wouldn’t waste their spit on a cop.

Wolf (2013)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? *gestures wildly at the gif*

Is he naked? He’s got quite a few shirtless scenes.

Does his hair look great? It’s nothing special but suits his character well.

Does he fuck? Oh yes.

Best paired with? Hear me out. I know that some people ship him with Fabio, but in my opinion that pair, while hot, doesn’t work. Here’s my pitch: Cesare from Non essere cattivo. The drug connection is still there, but in this case Majid’s problem-solving skills won’t fall on deaf ears. Cesare needs a daddy, ok? Majid can be a daddy when he needs to, especially when he has a soft boyfriend to care for. And Majid needs soft, not psycho.

Hartenstraat (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist once again.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? There’s that iconic scene where he’s wearing nothing but black boxer briefs and boots while carrying a tray...

Does his hair look great? He’s got Joe-like curls and looks like what every male romantic lead should aspire to look like and then cry because they all fail.

Does he fuck? There’s one very unfortunate sex scene played for laughs. I’m pretty sure he’ll need therapy afterwards. I certainly do.

Best paired with? Paolo from Il padre d’Italia. Paolo deserves the best boyfriend, and who’s better than Daan, an extremely hot man who cooks? They both have daughters, so they can talk about that, I guess, and Paolo can finally have a family. Honestly, this is so wholesome I just made myself cry.

Lucia de B. (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? For sure.

Is he hot? He’s a cop. Again. But he looks good.

Is he naked? Fully dressed, but man are his clothes ugly. Is that a cop thing?

Does his hair look great? He has slightly longer curls, which is fine and the best thing about this character.

Does he fuck? ACAB. (I know this doesn’t answer the question, I just wanted to make it clear.)

Best paired with? See my bootlicker comment from earlier. While Detective *checks notes* Ron Leeflang isn’t explicitly corrupt, he’s obviously a dick, so the best I can do here is recommend any Luca character that has ever been in trouble with the law for any fics about power imbalance you want to write but aren’t comfortable with a nice Marwan playing the villain.

Bloedlink (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Oh no, he’s there the entire time.

Is he hot? In a weird way, yes.

Is he naked? So, so, so naked. Like, leave nothing to the imagination naked.

Does his hair look great? I’d say that little rat tail is the exact opposite of great.

Does he fuck? Probably more than is good for him. I should also add that he’s canonically queer in this.

Best paired with? Rico is a pathetic loser in need of someone who’s got his life together and has a lot of experience dealing with fuckups. Enter Loris from Il mondo fino in fondo. He has a stable job and a savior complex, and with his little bro gaying it up in Chile and not needing him anymore, all he wants right now is someone to fix. I should be a fucking matchmaker in real life, for real.

Pak van mijn hart (2014)

Will you miss him if you blink? Undoubtedly.

Is he hot? No. The whole point of his character is to be the lesser choice compared to a guy who looks like a completely ordinary bland white dude...

Is he naked? ...so of course he isn’t naked! What, are they gonna take this poor woman, show her Marwan Kenzari’s post-Wolf body and expect her to choose her deeply mediocre ex? Please! They’re gonna dress him in the dorkiest clothes possible...

Does his hair look great? ...and make him wear the most awful wig that was clearly run over by a truck.

Does he fuck? No. As you can observe, they tried really hard to make him unfuckable, but honestly, he seems like a perfectly nice guy.

Best paired with? You know what? Mattia from La solitudine dei numeri primi is in desperate need of some sweetness and normalcy. I’m sure Richard will treat him with kindness and respect.

Collide (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s the fifth most important character. Out of five.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? Not for a second! What’s up with American movies where people aren’t just casually walking around naked without any plot necessity???

Does his hair look great? His curls are so cute you guys! Look at them!

Does he fuck? Not explicitly.

Best paired with? Fabio from Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot. Again, the drug connection is there, but Matthias is soft enough not to butt heads with Fabio and, by the end of the movie, rich enough to satisfy his cravings for good living and fame. Also look at how good their color coordination is with those dark wine red clothes! Sometimes planets just align, okay?

Ben-Hur (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? Yes, especially if you aren’t watching the background.

Is he hot? Your usual Marwan hot.

Is he naked? No.

Does his hair look great? His typical short curls with a twist. I think the forehead area is supposed to invoke the Caesar cut? I don’t know. It looks fine when not hidden under that dumb helmet.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? A better script and a much better director. (Seriously, what is this blocking?)

The Promise (2016)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there a decent amount in the first half of the movie and then almost completely disappears in the second half.

Is he hot? Very much, yes.

Is he naked? Unfortunately, no.

Does his hair look great? He’s got short curls again, but this time they’re fashionably styled, it’s magnificent.

Does he fuck? Oh yeah! And there’s no way he isn’t bi or pan in this. No way.

Best paired with? Roberta from L’ultimo terrestre. Listen, Emre Ogan may be a slut but he’s a gentleman, okay? He’d treat Roberta right and he’s got daddy’s cash to spare on hundreds of gorgeous white dresses for her.

The Mummy (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s there, but barely.

Is he hot? Dangerously hot.

Is he naked? Not once! Instead we get a naked Tom Cruise literally no one asked for.

Does his hair look great? It’s your basic professional short hairdo.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Malik is a member of an organization tracking and destroying various monsters and historical artefacts related to them. Guido from Tutti i santi giorni speaks four languages, including Latin, and is a literature and ancient history nerd which makes him a valuable asset. Malik can fight and protect; Guido is bumbling and in need of saving. Guys, this writes itself.

What Happened to Monday (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, especially not in the third act.

Is he hot? He’s okay.

Is he naked? Very naked.

Does his hair look great? They shouldn’t have greased his curls back. He looks like another victim of Fabio Cannizzaro’s stylist. Also I wish he’d either shaved or finished growing out that beard.

Does he fuck? He fucks and he fucks good. He’ll go down on you, he’ll deflower you slowly and gently, he’ll choke you if you want him to, he’ll spoon you all night, he’ll give you emotional support, he’ll murder people for you - he’s down for whatever.

Best paired with? There’s one Luca character who needs a lot of sex and even more emotional support. Alright, most of them do, but I’m thinking of Ettore from Lasciate andare. He needs it, okay? Good dicking, good spooning, a good ear, a fine piece of ass to cry into - you get the gist. Most importantly: someone who’d love him for who he is and with whom he could relax and be himself. (Also, I see you, people comparing him to Fabio. Shame on you for sleeping on this soft boy and judging him based on his appearance.)

Murder on the Orient Express (2017)

Will you miss him if you blink? He’s kinda always present, being very French.

Is he hot? Very hot.

Is he naked? No, but I’m willing to forgive that because he looks so good in his conductor uniform.

Does his hair look great? He never takes off his hat.

Does he fuck? No.

Best paired with? Mickey Miranda. They’re both murderers morally dubious characters who would look hot together. What else do you need? (Again, I see you, people who want Pierre for Roberta because he’s a “nice guy”, and I know for a fact you didn’t watch the movie. Spoilers, I guess.)

The Angel (2018)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the protagonist.

Is he hot? Oh yes.

Is he naked? Not once, but you won’t regret it because he’s wearing excellently stylish 1970s clothes.

Does his hair look great? It looks fantastic. The sideburns (not yet seen here) are a good touch.

Does he fuck? He can definitely get it, but he’s loyal to his wife.

Best paired with? As the most aesthetically coherent and fashionably hot pair in this post, Ashraf and Primo are a no-brainer. Can you imagine Primo calling him “Angel” in different contexts? When he’s being intimidating, not realizing how palpable the sexual tension between them is, and later not even hiding his arousal? Sometimes things just work because they’re hot. That’s all, folks.

Aladdin (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s the main villain.

Is he hot? It’s not like he went viral for being the “hot Jafar” or anything.

Is he naked? No! Fucking thanks a lot, Disney.

Does his hair look great? He has a buzz cut under that turban but he looks good in the turban, so that’s something.

Does he fuck? It’s a Disney movie, so he doesn’t fuck - explicitly or otherwise - but he still comes off as a thirsty bitch.

Best paired with? Jafar ends the movie as a genie who’s obligated to grant his master three wishes but is enough of a petty bitch to exploit the hell out of the “gray area” and screw them over Wishmaster style. My unconventional pair for him is Lui from Ricordi? So many scenarios with distorted memories and magic-induced mindfuck. So many possibilities for awesome and messed up crossover gifsets! Don’t say I never give you guys anything.

Instinct (2019)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, he’s very prominent.

Is he hot? I hate myself for finding him hot but I do.

Is he naked? He’s playing basketball shirtless in one scene, shaking his sweaty boobs everywhere.

Does his hair look great? His weird mohawk-like thing is honestly terrible, but if anything can make it work, it’s Marwan’s bone structure.

Does he fuck? Um, I’m pleading the Fifth on this one for the sake of good taste.

Best paired with? Prison. A very lonely, Luca-less prison.

The Old Guard (2020)

Will you miss him if you blink? No, unless blinking in your case means sleeping through the gloriousness that is the first ever canonically gay couple in an American action film.

Is he hot? Painfully.

Is he naked? Shirtless in one scene.

Does his hair look great? Soft curls courtesy of Luca Marinelli’s tireless lobbying.

Does he fuck? Not on screen, but you can just tell by the way he looks at his husband and reads impromptu poetry right to his face. And everybody knows nothing kindles the fires of passion quite like murdering homophobes together.

Best paired with? If you have to ask, you’re clearly reading this by mistake. In which case, kudos for finishing such a long and confusing post, now go watch The Old Guard and cry at the beauty that is The Immortal Marriage.

She-Ra S5 E09 - An Ill Wind

In which the Best Friend Squad’s back on Etheria and I’m back to writing up my thoughts about it. (The real question is whether I’ll manage to finish these posts before season 5’s one-year-anniversary.) I probably really don’t need to say this anymore, but there might be spoilers for the rest of the season in this post.

- I think it’s funny how Catra can’t stand teleporting, but what’s even more important is how visibly concerned for her Adora is each time. Have you seen how she touches Catra’s shoulders and looks at her with such a worried expression? D’awww.

- “Wow, you don’t trust the princesses? I am shocked.” No Glimmer, Catra’s 100% right. This has nothing to do with trusting the princesses; you really don’t know who’s chipped and which places are occupied by clones. Perfuma literally told you the rebellion was compromised.

- “Catra’s right.” THANK YOU, ADORA! (Also, I love Catra’s satisfied little smirk in the background when Adora says this.)

- I just paused the episode when they arrive in Erelandia and counted the Horde flags you can see hanging all over the town: 14, plus one giant Horde sign in the sky and a spire not too far away. Prime, are you compensating for something? (Also, Adora has an arm on Catra’s back again. Cute.)

- Is it a little disappointing that all the rebellions against Horde Prime on other planets got reduced to one brief exposition scene where a clone mentions they’re happening and a few quick images? Yeah. But I also get why the show just didn’t have the time for more and wanted to focus on Etheria.

- Speaking of, are those the magicats we see in the second image? Interesting… I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of Catra potentially being an alien as well. But then again, the show never clearly answers it one way or another, and there’s no reason magicats couldn’t have existed on multiple planets.

- Also, am I understanding this right: The Star Siblings started the intergalactic rebellion after meeting the Best Friend Squad? And now there are already rebels on several planets? Nice job, Star Siblings!

- “My heart aches for these misguided children.” I’m not sure if I’ve ever properly addressed the heavily religious symbolism around Horde Prime and his cult, but… that right there is *such* a Christian-extremist-coded line, holy hell…

- So Prime says he wants to use the Heart of Etheria “to bring peace to all the universe” and at this point I’m not entirely sure what his exact goal is. Does he just want to destroy all the planets with the Heart? Because I’ll be honest, I tend to find “I just want to destroy everything” a bit boring as a motivation in villains. What’s the point of him ruling the universe if there’s no one left to rule over? I mean, I know Prime had his whole “If there’s no one left, there are no wars, etc.” speech in an earlier episode, but that’s also just so dumb.

- Where did the Best Friend Squad even get those cloaks? Either way, Catra looks adorable with the outline of her ears showing under the hood. 🥺

- “I hope you, too, are full only of love for Horde Prime… and have no crippling doubt eating at your soul.” / “Brothers, there is nothing to see here!” Like I said in an earlier post, all of Wrong Hordak’s lines are absolute winners. Also, I love how the other clones just keep falling for his very obvious bluffs.

- Wrong Hordak learning to wink so quickly makes me jealous because I can’t wink. (No, I really can’t; I’ve tried. Whenever I try to only close one eye, I always end up closing both. If anyone has good advice on learning to wink, let me know.)

- I love the character designs of the mushroom people.

- Catra wasn’t wrong about the locals selling them out and not telling them anything useful. The others should listen to her more.

- Bow posing as the “average traveler passing though” is especially funny because I’m pretty sure there are no “travelers passing through” in times of Horde Prime.

Catra: “A town that hates princesses? Should I buy property here?”

Everyone else: *glares*

Catra: “Is what I would have said before I joined you. Go, team.”

😂😂😂 Catra’s quiet little “Go, team” in the end is what gets me most about this moment 😂. She’s adorable and trying her best, okay?

- I love how Wrong Hordak just calls everyone “brother” regardless of gender. Also, Adora’s little “Did you just wink at me?” / “That’s not how winking works!” moments are hilarious and adorable.

- “You’re wearing hooded cloaks, it’s highly suspicious.” Okay, mushroom lady’s not wrong, though. And I love how someone finally points this out, since hooded cloaks are so often used as “undercover” disguises in shows like this.

- That said, both she and mushroom guy earlier did try to sell the Best Friend Squad out super quickly. Like, I get that the locals are scared, but still… They could have tried to stay safe without running towards the clones to tell them everything right away.

- I’m just noticing that Erelandia has mushrooms everywhere. Obviously the people are mushrooms, but there are also mushrooms growing outside in the streets everywhere, and the shop they’re in is selling mushrooms and clothes with mushrooms on them as well.

- Both Bow and Glimmer blowing their covers almost immediately and Adora just quietly shaking her head at both of them in the background is amazing.

- Love Catra (and Melog) just casually stealing a mushroom from a mushroom lady.

- So Catra’s just chilling in a tree and eating stolen mushrooms and Entrapta wants to analyze samples that’ll be ready in 4-6 weeks – neither of them’s really helping right now. But then again, Catra wanted to leave in the first place because she thought the locals would sell them out (and she was right about that), so she probably thinks it’s not worth the effort.

- Also, you know who this scene with Entrapta and Catra is missing? Scorpia. If there is one problem I have with season 5, it’s that we didn’t get any Super Pal Trio reunion / moments with all of them on the same side now. (Or just in general, that we didn’t get to see Scorpia and Catra properly talking things out.)

- “That’s the windy one, right?” Okay, am I the only one who finds this line weird? Spinnerella literally has Adora, Bow and Glimmer trapped in a tornado as Entrapta says this. Obviously she’s “the windy one”? Entrapta can literally see that??

- “Lord Prime has given me peace.” Oh, I’m just realizing that’s just what Catra said when she was chipped. That’s got to be awful for Adora to hear again.

- Glimmer grabbing Bow and Adora’s hands and teleporting them out of the tornado was badass.

Adora: “How are we supposed to fight our own friends?”

Catra: “It never stopped you before.”

OMG. I love that Catra still considers their time as enemies as “being friends”.

- I really love Netossa’s entrance. What makes it really cool to me is that at that point the Best Friend Squad didn’t even know if there were any unchipped princesses left, so Netossa jumping in there with a casual “Welcome back, guys” was just an amazing moment.

- Also, I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I really like that this season finally made Spinnerella and Netossa more important characters. (And I wonder how much network censorship of LGBT+ storylines had to do with them not being that important earlier on.)

- Hordak getting flashbacks of Entrapta again (while Prime looks at his older body’s memories) is just 🥺. I like how Prime talks about Etheria while Hordak slowly remembers more and more about his own life on Etheria.

- “So, the only person I’m fighting here is… my own wife.” I love the on-screen confirmation that they’re married! But also, Netossa wanting to attack Catra and Wrong Hordak at first was pretty funny.

- Catra and Glimmer’s respective expressions when they hear about Scorpia and Micah being chipped are a gut punch. Also, Netossa talking about how she has to get Spinnerella back is making me tear up.

- “Where are the rebels?” “Right beside you!” 😂😂😂 Amazing, just amazing.

- Love to see Catra taking out those bots. She’s so badass ❤️.

- “Be careful.” “Always am.” I wonder at what point Netossa started to realize what’s going on between Catra and Adora.

- Love Netossa whistling at She-Ra’s new look. Your wife’s right there, darling. But then again, who wouldn’t whistle at She-Ra’s new look?

- Honestly, why did anyone ever say Spinnerella and/or Netossa were weak? Their fight here really shows how powerful both of them are when they don’t hold back.

- “Stop holding back. She won’t.” Looking past how hard this must be for Netossa, this line really sums up why so many characters in shows like this seemingly become more powerful when they turn evil (or less powerful when they turn good): Because the bad guys have no reason to hold back.

- Adora firing a rainbow beam from her sword was amazing. I wish we’d gotten to see a bit more of She-Ra’s new powers this season.

- “Please. I love you. Come back to me.” I’m crying 😢. That’s a nice first taste of all the “I love you”s to come in the finale. And I love that it works (even if just for a bit). The whole “power of love helps you break free from mind control” thing might be a cliché, but it’s a cliché I love, so…yay, awesome!

- But also, and I’ll probably talk about this more when I get to the next episode (that I had a few problems with), I like how Netossa doesn’t only rely on the power of love, but still realizes she has to first fight Spinnerella without holding back to get her into a position where they can even have this talk.

- Yay, mushroom town is saved!

- Catra reassuring Netossa that Spinnerella will be okay was so sweet. She’s really trying to be nice and I think she’s doing great 🥺. (Also, Adora looks at her so proudly.)

- I just noticed that when She-Ra replaces the Horde symbol in the sky with her sword symbol, all the Horde flags around town are already gone, too. Did Catra, Glimmer and the others just like… take all of those flags down in between fighting the bots? Or did Wrong Hordak maybe walk around taking off the flags while the others were fighting?

- That said, the rainbow sword in the sky looks amazing.

- “I think Horde Prime is going to know She-Ra’s back.” “Good.” Love Adora’s determined expression here.

- Geez Horde Prime, no need to punch the screen. The screen didn’t do anything to you.

- Okay, so Horde Prime finally decides to go to Etheria himself, and when he announces that, Hordak looks at the crystal in his hand – it’s all coming together.

- “This is where the rebellion is hiding out?” “Yup. Why, have you been here?” The looks on Glimmer and Catra’s faces here are amazing. People have of course already written all kinds of amazing metas analyzing their expressions, but the short version is that Glimmer seems to remember their fight fondly, while Catra seems embarrassed.

- Perfuma trapping them all in vines and demanding to see their necks is not only hilarious, but also shows that the rebellion has learned from their past mistakes. 👍

- All of their reunions (Bow and Perfuma, Glimmer and Frosta, Adora and Swift Wind, Entrapta and Emily) were super sweet – I like big reunion scenes 🥺. Wrong Hordak meeting Emily was adorable. Perfuma clinging to Bow and crying about how she doesn’t want to be in charge anymore had me laughing so hard 😂.

- Okay so, I know Frosta’s punch breaks the mood a moment later, but I really think Adora wanting to officially introduce Catra to everyone after seeing her standing there alone while everyone else was having big reunions was super sweet. The way her face falls when she sees Catra standing there sadly, the way she asks her to come here so gently… it’s just so sweet. 🥺

- Also, unpopular opinion, but am I the only one who didn’t really find Frosta punching Catra funny? (And the same goes for Scorpia electrocuting her in the next episode, by the way.) I know these moments are meant to be cathartic “drag the former villain because some people are still mad at them” moments, but Catra’s whole story is largely about being a victim of physical abuse. Wasn’t there some way for the story to make fun of her without having other characters physically assault her? I like how Catra’s redemption was handled overall, but moments like those kind of rub me the wrong way. (Netossa trapping her in a net was fine though, because that didn’t actually harm her.)

- That said, Adora’s “Catra’s with us now. Okay? Hmm.” was hilarious. I love how she just gives the briefest explanation and then turns away from Frosta with a smile and little “hmm”, just completely expecting Frosta to be fine with this now.

- That ending shot of all of them together is epic.

So, what changed this episode is that Erelandia was freed, the space group has reunited with the remaining princesses, and Horde Prime is heading for Etheria. Good episode!

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Lord God Savior of All Ryu, I ask for but one noble request. lol i just wanna see all your AUs. Like, I always here about them in replies and stuff but I've almost never seen what they actually look like. So if you could just tag pics of them or doodle (they can be super bad 30 sec doodles too, it don't matter to me) them, I would be the happiest, most joyful little shit ever.

Anon!! Thank you for being so interested in our AUs and wanting to learn more about them. It was a very good excuse for us to go through the list of the AUs, doodle them, revisit some of the older ones, etc. So yeah, your wish is granted lol

Here’s the majority of them, we decided not to include those that we’ve barely talked about and thought out... I’ve put tags for those AUs where we have at least something posted. Most of them are something we haven’t even talked about at all and they don’t have a single sketch, but I liked drawing chibis for them way too much. Sorry, I used your ask lol

We have a general tag for our aus and specific ones for some of them, but sometimes an au from here is not tagged separately, so you might have to use this general tag...I tried to fix it, I don’t think I missed anything, so it should be ok now! ;w;

1. Space AU. It’s a story about a space expedition.. which turned out to be not exactly what everyone planned thanks to Erwin. What a commander! 

2. Tribal AU. It’s a story about Eren becoming a part of the tribe where Erwin and Levi live. 

3. Babysitter AU. Levi is a babysitter to Eren and Zeke, unfortunately for Zeke, who’s 17 and not exactly thrilled about being babied. Sometimes there’s kid Erwin too. We’ve never posted anything related to this AU, I think, and I don’t think we will. There’s another AU related to this one, but 19yo Eren from the paths (he has the memory of the manga events) keeps kid Eren company as an invisible ghost, while others think that kid Eren is cursed or something.

4. SnK AU. A classical one, where Eren has dreams about the plot of SnK, but when the story stops progressing, he decides to kidnap Levi to make the plot go on. Erwin finds out later... and keeps Levi in the basement because he wants to know the ending too lmao plus it’s hot.

5. Mines AU. Erwin gathered a team for his wonderful plan to find a treasure, but it’s not like the rest of the team needs to know where they’re really going. Zeke’s particularly terrified to find that out. Despite its name, they spend the majority of time in the forest. Also, there’s a timeskip of 11 years. 

6. AU with Neetwin who’s a history teacher. We don’t tag this one though, it’s not like it’s our AU. So now it’s a Neetwin tag, although one of the drawings is with adult Levi... eh, who cares. 

7. CC AU (cleaning company). Levi works in a cleaning company and cleans up Neetwin and hobo Eren’s apts. They need a lot of work. Yes, they make their apts even dirtier to make Levi spend more time there. 

8. Prison AU. Damn this one is good... we came up with it before reading the timeskip in the manga, so Eren’s appearance doesn’t really match his age, he’s 17 lol Levi is a mafia member who goes to prison because he need to kill one of the inmates (who later became Zeke) on Erwin’s (Levi’s boss) request. Eren’s his personal guard, although Eren works as a regular guard too.

9. King Kong AU. It’s an AU where the Beast Titan is King Kong lmao Zeke is having fun killing dinosaurs... Levi, not so much. Thank Erwin for his wonderful plan of going to this island.

10. Rus AU, basically just characters living in Russia. Because ofc we will have this type of a setting... Damn, I thought we drew this one more often, huh. 

11. Sea AU. Mainly our modern AU, we use it as a base for other modern stuff for the most part. Levi’s getting two boifrond rings, he lives with Erwin, Eren visits them often, Zeke bitches a lot, fun times with and without Zeke, stuff like that. There’s also a subplot (11.5) where Eren gets “kidnapped” by a witch, so Zevi have to find him and bring him back. Titans exist in this AU, Eren and Zeke are titans, and all of them have military training, but Erwin and Levi retired some time ago. We don’t have a tag for just a modern setting, though. 

12. Cult AU. Eren lives on a farm and has a whole village of his followers. He also has cursed animals... and I think we’ve told about some of the plot points in replies. Erwin’s really into all this cult stuff because it affects reality for real, so he asks Levi to follow rituals, although Levi came to ask Eren to go back to normal life and finish the fucking school. 

13. Serial killer AU. Eren’s a serial killer, duh. Never posted anything with this one, unfortunately, but Eren got disappointed in the police when he was a child, so he decided to fix the situation himself, while Erwin and Levi, as a part of a special department, investigate his “fixing”. It also has a time skip. I really need to redraw at least one sketch...

14. Hospital AU. Levi gets into Marley trying to make Eren go back, but it’s not that simple because Eren doesn’t want to lol Basically canonverse with this small change.

15. Hobo AU. Eren and Levi are hobos, Zeke wants his brother to stop living under a fucking bridge. Later Erwin takes both of them under his roof because he really likes Levi, but he can’t leave Eren alone.

16. Doggies AU. AU where Eren’s a wolf and Erwin’s a doggo. Levi got Erwin because he was a retiring trained dog and sniffed enough drugs in his life, and Eren... his “owner” found him on the streets and lied to Levi about Eren being a dog. Later Eren turned into a magnificent beast and now he doesn’t want to leave. There’s also Zeke, but he belongs to Xavier. 

17. AU where Eren wants to become a mangaka. The first post is self-explanatory, although I’d probably make some changes now if I cared enough. There’s also a time skip where Eren ditched his manga and became hobo!Eren. His editor was pissed lol 

18. Scolopendra Eren AU. You know the drill, and I’ve talked about the plot in some of the replies. 

This post doesn’t show up on the tag for some reason.

19. Ghost Eren AU. I should’ve named it combini AU... Anyway, I’ve talked about this one a lot, although poor Erwin gets neglected a little bit lol it’s hard to compete with a ghost when you’re just a mere stalker... but a very invested one. Eren likes Erwin here, they’re vibing on the same malicious-towards-Levi wave. 

20. Shark Eren AU. It’s just for us for funs, Eren’s a shark, and Levi’s there to help him fight depression. Eren later escapes into the sea.

21. Midsommar AU. Levi and Erwin get an invite to go to the village from Yelena, Eren’s a part of a cult who is kinda attracted to one of the newcomers... Such a good movie, we need to draw them properly. Both Yeagerists and Eldians are a part of the cult, they don’t have any specific rules by which I categorised them... Although not all characters are present, and some of them (Jean, I think) are newcomers who will join the cult later. Sorry, I don’t remember much. 

22. Silent Hill AU. It started with Erwin peeking into Levi’s apartment, but now there’s Eren too... We haven’t thought out this one, I’m bad with Silent Hill AUs for some reason. 

23. House Eren AU. Eren’s a house, and we’ve explained how it works too, so just check out the tag. Levi actually lives there with Erwin, but I don’t remember if we’ve mentioned it or decided to skip this info. 

24. Eren pack AU. It’s an AU where Erens of all ages (6 of them, I believe) are a little bit feral, and they have wolf ears and tails, and they live in a specific place and Levi visits them every day and takes care of them. They love Levi. Here’s the only post that survived, and here’s a link for a twitter post which I never got back on tumblr after it got deleted. 

25. Trailer AU. The story is about Levi who has to live with Zeke for a month as his slave because Erwin lost him in a game of cards lol To be fair, Erwin lost a lot of money and their whole flat, and Zeke gave them a choice between that and Levi (he’s horny ok), and Levi agreed. Zeke even put Levi on a chain, although Levi doesn’t even try to escape...

26. Flower shop AU. Eren’s a plant, and he brings death to the whole planet. He keeps Levi alive though, as a treat for himself. We’ve explained some of the stuff in the replies. 

27. Blair Witch AU. It’s pretty much explained in this post, and if you saw the movie, there’s nothing for me to tell you. Everything that’s different from it is in the post lol 

28. Corpse AU. Eren’s a corpse, Levi’s a pathologist who works on difficult and mysterious cases alongside the police. Eren later comes to life along with a couple of other bodies...

29. Antichrist AU. Zevi adopt baby Eren, but Eren’s a fucking satan. He loves Levi, but Zeke... not so much. Zeke loves Eren to death, though. Eren would love to organise that, but first he needs to grow up a little bit. It doesn’t mean that he won’t torture his parents during his journey. And everyone else who interact with them.

30. This one doesn’t have a title, but it’s an AU where kid Eren went missing, and Levi goes into the forest to find him. Levi owns Erwin who’s a good doggo and helps him find Eren. It turns out Eren killed two adult dudes, and he has paths!Eren telling him what to do and how to do it... Paths!Eren has the memory of the canonverse.

31. Zombie apocalypse AU. There’s only one drawing with it though, but basically Levi builds himself a wonderful place to survive the apocalypse, and he keeps Zombie Erwin in the basement in hopes of Hange finding a cure. Then Eren joins just because he can and because Levi’s very awesome. Eren has a boner for the apocalypse and enjoys every second of it. 

32. No title, but Eren was casted away from the canon universe for the rumbling, and now he’s a mythological giant wolf who lives in a deep very old forest. He was very surprised to find out Levi exists in this universe... So he kidnapped him ❤️

33. Halloween AU. You’ve seen this one, it’s a story where Jean, Connie, Sasha and Eren get into the wrong house and find a ritual instead of a Halloween party... So after saving the child who, as it turns out, is not really a victim, they decide to ditch him at Eruri’s place.

34. Okusan AU. Levi’s a housewife, Erwin is a cuckold who’s really into adultery. He invites both Zeke and Eren from time to time to act as Levi’s husbands, and they (Levi and Erwin) almost get caught because the “husband” suddenly came home... Sorry, we’ve read too many doujinshis lol

35. Island AU. Erwin loves sending Levi to dangerous places to get souvenirs for himself, and now it’s time for Levi to get a crystal from a very isolated island full of strict rules in terms of interacting with outsiders. We have a cool idea for a two part drawing (like with our flower shop au), but it’ll take us ages to complete anything at this rate... I have like two sketches on Patreon for now, but damn this AU has so many cool visuals we wanna draw... It’s another cult AU with people living on Paradis (more like one village in the middle of the island), isolated from the rest of the world. They don’t welcome strangers, and Levi has three months to find and steal that crystal, although it’s not that simple.

36. Erewan. Not exactly a full AU, but Erewan’s a cursed animal plushie who kills people and loves Levi a lot. 

37. Cat AU. Everyone’s a cat (duh). Not really our AU, but it has its own tag, and it’s only asks. 

38. Tiny founder Eren AU?? Again, not really our AU, but now it has its own tag. 

I’ve also found the reply where I talk about how characters’ relationships work in some of the AUs, you can check it out too. I thought it was fitting for a master post. 

more stuff that no one asked for! keep in mind that the ask box is open so feel free to request!

JOKER FLUFF ALPHABET

he deserves more love!

A- Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Okay, let’s be honest, you fell for Joker because of the hair or because of his eye.

He fell for you because he admired your bravery and kindness (doesn’t matter if you’re part of the SPFF, helping him and Licht, or just a plain ol civilian). You two met because he had showed up in your apartment one night, bleeding out, and your first instinct was to patch him up, and as soon as you were done, you pulled a knife on him.

B- Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

I think Joker wouldn’t really want kids. He lives a dangerous life, and so far, you’ve been the closest thing to normal that he’s been able to keep without it being taken away from him. If he did decide he wanted kids, he would have to have finished his work and he would have to be sure that no one would be coming for him or his future family.

C- Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Despite appearances, Joker is most definitely a cuddler. He loves wrapping his arms around you or having your arms wrapped around him because he likes that security. He loves the assurance that you’re there. 

With that being said, his go to cuddling position is probably the Honeymoon Hug. It gives him access to feel your arms wrapped around him and the security that gives him, and it allows him to wrap his arms around you. It makes him feel like both the protectee and the protector.

D- Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Joker…. doesn’t really plan dates. If you help him on his mission, that’s probably the closest to a date you get with him. Well, you two do order take-out and cuddle while binging some movies too. If you really want to go out though, just tell him and he’ll plan a most extravagant evening out.

It doesn’t really matter what you two do as a date though. Joker just loves spending time with you. You two could literally be watching paint dry and he’d be content with it, as long as it’s with you.

E- Everything (You are my ___; eg: my life, my world)

You are my only hope in this godforsaken world.

F- Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

After a long night of helping Joker decipher some clue he picked up on his latest expedition. You were mumbling to yourself and tossing out guesses. Joker took a moment and looked at you. Your eyebrows were furrowed, eyes squinted yet somehow glaring at the clue, biting your lip in frustration. You caught his gaze and asked if something was wrong and he tossed out a witty remark. You laughed and in that moment Joker realized that if this was normal, he wanted it, and he wanted it with you.

G- Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Joker is not a gentle man. However, with you, he is the most gentle person to ever walk the face of the planet. He knows that you’re more than capable of handling yourself, but he’s so terrified of losing the best thing to ever happen to him that he sometimes treats you like the slightest touch would break you.

H- Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Joker likes to slip his hand into yours and then you intertwine your fingers. Depending on his mood, he might lightly swing them. If you two are cuddling and you lace your hands together, they’re probably laying on his chest.

I- Impression (What was their first impression?)

Your first impression was probably somewhere along the lines of: “Man, I can’t wait to eat my rame- HOLY SOL, THERE’S A GUY BLEEDING OUT ON MY COUCH!” When you were able to think rationally, and after Joker had managed to talk you out of removing the knife from his throat, you thought he was weird and a little creepy, but you guys managed to bond anyways.

His first impression of you was that you were incredibly kind. I mean, you patched him up without a second thought. His second thought was, “Okay, this chick/dude might slit my throat. They’re awesome.”

J- Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He absolutely does not. 

How can you be jealous of someone who never existed in the first place?

Okay, so he does get jealous, and he might not go to the extent of murdering someone (although I wouldn’t say he’s above it). Usually if he gets jealous, Joker just materializes at your side and the guy almost immediately makes up an excuse to leave. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t trust the other guys.

K- Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He probably did. The first time he kissed you was impulsive and quick and neither of you realized what was going on until you pulled away. He got embarrassed so you dived back in to kiss him again.

Kisses with Joker start off soft and slow and almost timid if you’re really looking for it, but eventually get more passionate. He always drags it out for as long as possible and they always tell you just how much you mean to him without him ever having to say it. Needless to say, when the both of you pull away, you’re usually breathless.

L- Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Honestly, probably you.

You and Joker were kissing one night and when you pulled away you breathlessly sighed, “I love you.”

When you looked at him, he was tearing up, and he moved to hug you, quickly repeating the phrase. He loves you so much, and he was scared to say it in case you didn’t feel the same.

He can’t thank you enough for loving him and giving him the normal life he’s always wanted.

M- Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

His favorite memory involving the two of you is simple. You two were cuddling. He had woken up first and you were still sleeping. Your hair was beautifully splayed out behind you. You looked so peaceful while you slept that he dared not move for fear of waking you. The light from the window highlighted your face perfectly and it was just perfect.

N- Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person that they love everything?)

Joker doesn’t buy you everything. If he sees you eyeing something a lot, he will buy it for you with no hesitation, but he isn’t the guy that goes out and buys you a teddy bear for no reason either.

O- Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Green. You had an ivy plant in your bathroom so anytime he sees that magnificent shade of green, he thinks back to how you two first met and he goes full sap mode.

P- Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Doll is his go to. I don’t know why. It's just is. He’s also rather fond of love, dove, and baby.

Q- Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

The watch. He keeps it, even broken, and it is still one of his greatest treasures.

R- Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

On a rainy day, he loves to make some type of hot drink and then curl up on the couch with you in his arms while you watch westerns (like The Magnificent Seven, Tombstone, or Quigley Down Under).

S- Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Joker doesn’t cheer himself up. He bottles up his emotions and distracts himself.

DO NOT CRY AROUND THIS MAN!!! He has no idea how to console a person and he gets extremely awkward. He’s torn between joking and hugging you so he settles for rubbing your back. He’ll let you talk and offer to help the best he can.

T- Talking (What do they talk about?)

With you? Anything and everything. His goals, his mission, whatever movie you managed to get him into.

U- Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Cuddles. Cuddles help him relax. Please cuddle this man. Any sort of physical contact from you makes all of his worries and stress from the day melt away, and it’s just what he needs after a long day.

V- Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Well, he is proud of you and shows you off to his associates as much as he can.

Aside from you, his hair. Like, have you seen it? hOW DOES HE GET THAT VOLUME???

W- Wedding (When, how, and where do they propose?)

Joker bought a ring two weeks before he proposed to you.

Where and how he proposed is kinda funny. Both of you were exhausted. You had either accompanied he and Benimaru on their mission or spent the entire night worrying about him, and he had done cool fighting stuff all night. So when he got home, you both crashed onto the bed and he immediately pulled you into his arms.

He thought you were asleep, and in truth, he almost was too, when he popped the question. “(Y/N), you mean a lot to me, more than I’m capable of expressing. You’ve given me the closest thing to a life that I’ll ever have and you make life suck a little less. Marry me?”

Imagine his shock when you mumbled out a sleepy, “Yes.” Nevertheless, you woke up with a ring on your finger in the arms of your fiancee.

X- Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I have absolutely no idea why but the Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan reminds me of Joker.

For your relationship song, I’d say it’s most definitely James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens.

Y- Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

He absolutely would love to marry you, and he thinks about it all of the time. He buys a ring on a whim and carries it around for two weeks and constantly thinks about when would be the right time to do it.

Z- Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He wants a dog. Having a fluff ball around would be fun to him. Plus, he’s always wanted one.

Hi Steph, you’re amazing at what you do. I just want to know from a true connoisseur, which 3 fics do you think you’ve read and re-read the most number of times? As in, 3 ultimate comfort fics.

Hi Nonny!

Ooof, I’ve been asked a similar question here a couple weeks ago, but hmm, this is actually something I never really had to think hard about! EXCEPT CAN I GIVE YOU 5? Because 5 immediately came to mind. Is that okay?? OMG I’m so sorry. Plus 5 is a number I like better than three, sorry :P Another weird tic of mine. 

No surprise which is my first, hahah:

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w., 7 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

It’s just such a joy to read every single time, and I never skip any parts at all. Start to finish EVERY TIME. 

Next:

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

This was my first Parentlock fic I read and it’s why I now do read Parentlock. Still one of my favourites, and it’s short enough to read in one sitting. It’s just so sweet, and Sherlock is SO precious, and GAH I LOVE it. Another start-to-finish. Which then brings me to this one:

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

I REALLY like this fic because it’s Sherlock POV and it’s him learning about his feelings for John. THOUGH I feel bad admitting that lately, rereads usually start around Ch. 30, because I love John showing up all BAMFy in Ch. 34 and essentially tells the social workers to piss off. And Sherlock is RIDICULOUSLY adorably in love with John so much in this fic. I’ve reread the whole story enough to know what happens before Ch. 30, and all the smoopy stuff happens after that. BUT DON’T think I don’t love this story. I DO. A LOT. I just... Sometimes need certain parts of a story RIGHT now, and that one singular scene is one of them, and I always just keep going from there. :P

Next:

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

I just really love this one. It’s painfully sweet and OH GOD I love how much they fall for each other and HARRY IS TWINSIES AND SHE’S AWESOME. Love it. It’s such a feel-good fic with a great ending. Love it.

And:

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

THIS FIC. GUH. Just, the way John pieces together how much Sherlock pines for him is ACHINGLY beautiful, that all comes together in a really tender scene in a pool. It’s the pool scene we should have had. UGH. AND SHAMPOO. And best friend Lestrade essentially telling John he’s a moron, LOL. LOVE this fic. I’m SO glad I finally remembered this one was the one with the Shampoo and the spa day.

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THIS IS ABSOLUTELY not my only always reads. In fact:

Top 30 Read-Again Fics (March 2019)

Top 30 Read-Again Fics Pt. 2 (Sept. 2019)

And I could TOTALLY do another 30 EASILY. The second one, I remember whittling it down quite a bit, LOL. These are just the first five that came to mind right away. I could also add these five:

a good old-fashioned happy ending by darcylindbergh (E, 32,731 w., 26 Ch. || Christmas, Frottage, Comfort, Est. Rel., Fluff, Insecure Sherlock, Frottage, Nightmares, Sleepy Sherlock, Marriage Proposal, Humour, Fluff, Dancing, Cooking, Happy Ending) – For Christmas this year, Sherlock wants to get John something special: something every fairytale deserves. Part 2 of things fairy tales are made of

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w., 23 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E, 151,907 w., 19 Ch. || Friends to Lovers, Gay Bar / For a Case, Drugs, Pining, Case Fic, UST) – When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate's charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim?

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OKAY I NEED TO CUT HERE or I will go on and ON and ON. Hope this answers your question alright <3

Mars AU Part 1

What if our favourite 'joys lived on Mars instead of California, scavenging for forgotten tanks of oxygen while there are S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W units on their tails. Night skies covered in neon colours and the cold grip of the red planet being the last thing one can feel out there millions of kilometres away from home. One last human colony called Battery city with handful of kids running on gasoline against it.

Ok just kidding they use solar energy not gasoline XD

word count: 1 368

tw: near death experience from second person's point of view

And thank you so much, @ordinary-dust for being my awesome beta tester

Jet was pissed, he spent hour driving to ruins of what used to be one of the biggest cities, hoping that its distant location would mean that it wasn’t completely raided yet like the others. And what was he rewarded with? One can of water, that has been laying around for years so who knows if it really is even drinkable, and a spare helmet that is probably older than the city itself. And as if it wasn’t enough, he had about forty minutes before sundown and the battery in his car was already running low, he will be lucky if he makes it home in time.

He just finished adjusting the solar panels on the roof hoping he could get few more minutes out of the setting sun when he noticed something that didn’t belong out there, just few meters in front of him. He did consider it nothing more than just few rocks before, nothing uncommon but now that he was closer, he could see it had too round and organic shapes to be part of the surface and he could recognize folds of fabric. As he got closer, he could recognize two people one laying on the ground, from how it seemed one was probably unconscious and the second one hunched over them probably trying to hide them from any dangers that could come.

As he stopped next to them, he could see that they were both around his age, possibly siblings? But for fucks sake how did two kids such like them get so far from the city? Based on their suits that even though not in the best state seemed quite new and like ones that Battery city's citizens or troops would wear, they couldn’t have been in the zones longer than for just few days. Sure, most killjoys wore suits like these but you pretty much don’t meet one that wouldn’t have their suit covered in patches, colourful fabric and pretty much any crap you can find out there. These two could maybe fool someone with their bright jackets that they had over their suits since that is very killjoy thing to do but when you paid even a slight attention to the way they looked it was obvious they were very new runaways.

The younger kid moved in front of the older one’s unconscious body to protect them with their own body when Jet stepped out of the car. But judging by the way they moved their oxygen was almost gone too and they couldn’t do much damage, knowing that, Jet slowly approached them. ‘Hey, I know you’re scared but I’m not gonna hurt you, okay? Look I’m not even armed’ Jet slowly showed the kid his empty hands. And for once it was true, he did leave his blaster in the car, not that it was really a gamechanger since he could take them with his bare hands but it at least seemed to work as in calming them down. He didn’t need his spacesuit either, thanks to the air field provided by the car but he could already feel the cold biting into his uncovered face and arms, he had to do this quickly.

‘Is that your sibling? They don’t look good, you run out of oxygen, right? I can help them. And I can help you, I can take you both to a safe place.’ Jet asked them to which they slightly nodded. Jet decided to take it both as an answer and as a permission to come closer. He went past the kid and kneeled down next to their sibling, the other one didn’t seem very happy about that, Jet could see they were still terrified but at least rational enough to realize that Jet was their only chance of surviving. ‘I’m just gonna take their helmet off so that I can have better look at them alright? You can take your helmet off too, there’s air around us.’ he was lightly annoyed at that point, he got that the kid was scared but there wasn’t much time left so some co-operation would be nice.

The younger sibling looked at them with very obvious distrust but they still took their helmet off, streaks of blond hair falling over their eyes. Jet took that as a sign of at least some trust and carefully removed the older sibling’s helmet too, covering the ground in bright red hair. They remained unconscious but Jet could see that they were still breathing, very mildly but there was chance for them. Just few more minutes and it would be probably too late, Jet couldn’t imagine telling the kid that was now sitting next to him, that their sibling is dead, he has seen many people die and he had to deliver the message to their families, friends or lovers too many times but for some reason this would be different, these two seemed to innocent, like they didn’t really belong into Jet’s world and yet one of them was lying almost dead at his feet. ‘They will make it, but only if you help me. We have to get them in the car and then somewhere where they can get real help.’ Finally, that was something that made the kid move, they got up helping Jet pick their sibling up. Jet still had to carry most of the weight but at least they weren’t working against him now. They quickly laid the red head down on the back seat of Jet’s car and the kid climbed in next to them nursing their siblings head in their lap.

Jet sat behind the driving wheel and got going. There was no way they could make it into his shelter in time and it wasn’t like he could help them much anyway, he had barely enough food and O2 for himself. The only option was Dr Death’s radio station. He hasn’t been there in months but apparently the universe was telling him it was time to pay his kind of adoptive family a visit again. ‘So can I at least know your names, since I’ve let two complete strangers into my car?’ Jet smirked and looked over his shoulder just to see the kid passed out too.

It was already dark when Jet arrived to the station and his breath was condensing in the cold air around. He parked right in front of the main door and rushed in. ‘Oh, look who’s back, I thought I would never see you again.’ snickered Pony without looking up from some video game he was playing. ‘Great to see you too, but where’s D I need some help.’ that seemed to get Pony’s attention ‘D’s on air right now but what’s the matter?’ he said as he stood up, his typical roller skates clacking on the floor. ‘Picked up some kids, must have escaped the city, gotten lost and run out of oxygen. One of them isn’t looking very shinny.’ Apparently, that was all he needed to hear because soon he was helping Jet carry the red head into the spare room with the younger kid right behind them, suddenly completely awake. They laid them on a mattress in a small dark room left for situations such like this one.

Jet left the room to go wait for D, leaving Pony to take care of their two guests, he was way better at it anyway. It didn’t take long for Dr Death to finish his part with Cherri taking his place. When they came into the room, they could see Pony had done quite a work, both of the kids had their space suits off and the older one was now in bed covered under several blankets while the younger one was sitting next to them holding their hand, they themselves were half asleep bundled up under a blanket of their own but they made it very obvious they weren’t leaving their sibling. Jet was really tired himself so after D stated that the kid would make it and that there’s nothing more, they could do at the moment he decided to go to sleep too, leaving the two foundlings alone. Not like they could disappear suddenly anyway.

Eddie Brock|Venom NSFW Alphabet 

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Eddie is very very caring after sex.  He knows Venom can be rough so he wants to make sure you are okay.  He LOVES to cuddle after sex.  Very touchy.  A lot of forehead kisses.  

B - Body Part (Their favorite body part of their partners)

Eddie loves your hands.  He loves intertwining fingers with you.  Venom, on the other hand, loves your neck.  He loves to wrap his hand firmly around it.  

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)

Venom loves finishing inside you.  Eddie would never admit it, but he does too.  

D - Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory)

Secretly, Eddie has a HUGE daddy kink.  He never told you, but one time you let that name fall from your lips and it drove him mad.  He adores being called that.  

E - Experience (How experienced are they?)

Eddie may have a tough guy exterior, but he actually does not have that much experience.   He always tends to wait until he has rather strong feelings for the person he is with before deciding to sleep with them.  Obviously, Venom is only as experienced as his host. 

F - Favorite Position

Any position where they get to be the dominant one.  They adore being on top for real.  

G - Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Eddie and Venom are both very serious in the moment.  They love having sex and consider it to be very intimate.  They do everything to make sure it’s perfect for you.  

H - Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Well, Venom does not really have hair.  That one is self explanatory.  Eddie keeps himself groomed, but there is hair always.  

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect)

Eddie is one of the most caring people on the planet.  He loves to make sure you know how much he loves you.  

J - Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Venom has a very high sex drive, so sometimes he ends up getting Eddie worked up.  Eddie often has to take care of it as not to bother you.  It often happens at the worse times, so Eddie does not like bothering you with it.

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Eddie has a secret daddy kink.  Venom himself has a breeding kink.  He gets off on the idea of his seed impregnating you.  He longs to reproduce with you.   

L - Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Eddie loves to do it in the bedroom.  Call it old fashioned, but he loves taking you into the bedroom after a night out and ripping your clothes off you.  

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Eddie loves to be seduced by you.  When you graze your fingers up his arm or chest it gets him going.  He also loves when you kiss his neck.  

N - NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Neither of them want to share you ever.  They both are super overprotective and only want you to be their’s.  

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Eddie and Venom both LOVE to eat you out.  They love being in control and watching you squirm under them.  

P - Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Both Eddie and Venom tend to be rough during sex.  Eddie is more on the sensual side, usually taking things slowly before getting rough.  But Venom loves to get rough real quick.  He slams into you as hard as he can and moves quickly inside you.  

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Venom would have sex with you anytime anywhere.  Eddie, however, prefers to take you home first.  So when Venom gets him worked up in public, Eddie usually rushes you home.  Whispering in your ear, “He’s decided it’s time.  We gotta go.”  It sends chills down your spine.  

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Eddie is usually down for anything.  There are a few things Eddie won’t do.  But most of the time, Eddie loves to try anything you want.  He always has to be careful thought because Venom can get out of hand.  

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last)

Eddie can go a few rounds, but does not want to overwork his partner.  Venom can go all night if he is feeling it.  He goes until he decides he is done.  After a night with Venom, you are usually so tired and worn out you are seeing stars.  

T  - Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

No.

U - Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Eddie adores teasing you in public.  Like if you are out at dinner, he loves inching his hand up your thigh.  He gets achingly close to your opening and just sits there.  Or he will lean into your ear and whisper something rather nasty.  “I’m gonna rip that little dress off you when we get home,” or “You have no idea what’s in store for you when we leave here.”  He loves driving you crazy.  

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

They both are not very loud.  Grunting and whispering your name or curses is about the loudest they get.  

W - Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Venom loves to wrap his long tongue around your neck.  He loves choking you with it.  The taste of your skin drives him crazy.  

X - X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Venom can be any size he wants.  Eddie is packing himself.  

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Very.  Eddie wants to do it multiple nights a week.  Venom, however, would do you multiple times a day if you would let him.  This sometimes leads to Eddie having to take care of things himself.

Z - ZZZ (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Eddie loves to cuddle afterward.  He will stay awake until you fall asleep.  He wants to make sure you are comfortable and cared for.  

~~~

[Tags]

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Maniac | Chaeyoung

Genre: fluff

Wordcount: 3,366

Summary: Just a normal day in Chaeyoung’s life: scribbling some new lyrics, taking Kuma for a walk, bodyslamming the wrong person...

A/N: Have I written this just to be able to use a picture of her new hair? ...maybe

“Ok Kuma, we’ve got this. Your mum doesn’t have much faith in me, so we will have to prove to her today that I can take good care of you.”

Chaeyoung said determined to the little brown fluffy ball that was walking right next to her.

Jennie spontaneously had to leave this morning for a photo shooting, and Chaeyoung offered to take care of Kuma till she returned. The older member had thrown a skeptical glance at her, remembering the day that Chaeyoung had left the door open in the dorm and lost all four of Lisa’s cats while looking after them. But after some begging and convincing, Jennie finally gave in and gave Chaeyoung the chance to prove her ability to take care of animals that weren’t trapped in a glass tank.

The first part of the day after Jennie had left, wasn’t that hard. Chaeyoung just scribbled away some lyrics in her notebook while patting her housemate’s precious baby time after time- and paranoidly checking whether the front door was really closed at least five times. But now Chaeyoung had to face the biggest, but gladly last challenge of the day: taking Kuma for a walk.

How difficult could that be though, Chaeyoung thought to herself.

That dog probably weighted less than a container of milk and Chaeyoung knew this park in her sleep. Nevertheless, she tightened her grasp on the leash a bit, too afraid that she would accidentally drop it. Kuma on the other hand, chipperly sniffed every blade of grass that he came across while being completely unaware of his temporary owner’s anxiety.

With every second in the park, however, Chaeyoung began to relax more and more. She had spent some beautiful evenings here before. Whenever there had been fights in the dorm or stress in the company, this park right around the corner of their apartment had been her harbor. Almost no other place in Seoul offered a better view on the sunset while being relatively undiscovered by the public.

Automatically a smile started to play on Chaeyoung’s lips as she noticed that the color of the sun beams playing between the branches slowly turned from a light golden color to orange. It wouldn’t take long anymore till the sun would kiss the earth goodnight, making Chaeyoung’s heart beat faster in anticipation.

“Come on, Kuma. Let’s save a good spot!”

She excitedly said to her companion of the day that lifted his puppy dog eyes for a second to look at her before devoting his attention to a large black dog across the park again. With or without his approval, she pulled him across the place to find the perfect spot to watch the sunset.

Eventually Chaeyoung ended up sitting on a bench right at the edge of the park from where she had a perfect view over the city and the setting sun behind it. She sighed contently before pulling out her phone and snapping some pictures of the beautiful spectacle in front of her.

“You know, I think we spent a pretty awesome day together, right?”

Chaeyoung asked the puppy next to her as if he could understand her while averting her gaze from the purple and pink clouds that had claimed all her attention till now. Her eyes followed the leash in her hand all the way to the end, only to find... nothing but Kuma’s collar.

Adrenaline flooded Chaeyoung’s body, making her heart stop for a second and frantically slam against her ribcage the next.

“Kuma?!”

She squeaked panicked before jumping to her feet and checking all cardinal directions for the little dog.

But no matter how much Chaeyoung narrowed her eyes, she couldn’t spot him anywhere.

“Oh god, oh god, oh god.”

She muttered under her breath while grasping her forehead in an attempt to steady her thoughts that were shooting through her mind in an alarming speed.

“She’s gonna kill me.”

Was the only thing Chaeyoung could think of, making her feet automatically carry her body through the park.

“Kuma!”

She kept yelling over and over again, in hopes that he liked her enough to return to her. But unfortunately, he seemed to want to cause her death.

That didn’t stop Chaeyoung, however, from at least trying to save her life. She combed through the park a thousand times while cursing herself for not taking any treats with her. How could she have lost him? She should have focused on him instead of the stupid sunset.

“I can never go home again...”

Chaeyoung had experienced a variety of emotions by now; shock, panic and now defeat. She was about to collapse to the floor to wallow in self-pity when she suddenly spotted a person halfway across the park with something brown and fluffy in their arms. She couldn’t believe her eyes. Was that Kuma? Intently she zeroed in on the little bundle until it suddenly started moving, leaving no doubt that it was indeed her dog.

“Kuma!”

She yelled at the top of her lungs, causing everyone in the park to look at her, including the person carrying Kuma. But after giving her their attention for a second, they turned their head and started walking towards the exit of the park.

“Oh I don’t think so.”

Chaeyoung wouldn’t let anyone steal Jennie’s dog and seal her death.

With her gaze focused on the target, she started making one step after the other until she was running at full speed. Her hair was wildly flying in the wind, making it resemble a lion’s mane while her face was all scrunched up in anger. How dare that person? They didn’t even seem to be in a rush, making it easy for Chaeyoung to catch up to them. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t take any chances to let them get away.

“That’s my dog!!”

She growled before pushing herself off the ground and tackling the person from behind. With a loud thud, they landed, but Chaeyoung quickly picked herself up to confront the thief.

“Did you really think, you could get away with stealing my dog??”

Chaeyoung asked in disbelief between heavy panting due to her unplanned exercise. But she didn’t care, she had caught the thief, that was all that mattered.

----

You left out a groan as your body hit the ground. Your face was hovering just inches above the dirt and you needed to shake your head to comprehend what had just happened. Only when you felt a weight shifting on top of you, you realized that someone must have tackled you to the ground. A voice made you snap your head around and you saw that the girl that had tackled you had already bobbed up again and was looking at you expectantly now.

“W-what?”

You responded in confusion because you hadn’t understood a single word that she had been saying.

The girl, however, just grunted in annoyance and grabbed your puppy. To her surprise though, he snarled menacingly before jumping off her arms into yours again.

“Kuma?”

His rejection had apparently come unexpected, leaving her perplexed. You used this chance to finally recollect yourself. What was this girl thinking?

“Could you please leave me and my dog alone, you maniac?”

You gritted through your teeth before pushing her off and getting on your feet again.

For a second, the girl remained on the ground in confusion before meeting you on eye level again.

“Your dog?”

She repeated your words slowly before inspecting the dog in your arms. You could see that her eyes were scanning his body from his head to his paws until she suddenly gasped loudly. In shock, she covered her mouth with her hand and looked at you with wide eyes.

“Oh my god...”

Those three words were the only thing that she exclaimed before staring at you wordlessly for a second.

“I’m so sorry...I-I...don’t know what to say. I just lost my friend’s dog and she loves him more than anything else on this planet. He looks just like yours, except that he doesn’t have a white paw. I guess, I just wanted your dog to be him. I really don’t know how to tell her...”

With every word more and more tears started to pool in her eyes until they were streaming down her cheek in a rapid pace. Your anger immediately vanished and made room for pity in your heart.

“Oh- It’s fine. Please don’t cry.”

You were quick to backtrack, but the girl vehemently shook her head, making her tears fall to the ground.

“I’ve already searched everywhere! He’s gone!”

She sobbed and the sound broke your heart.

“No! Don’t say that! We can find your dog together!”

You offered quickly, because you couldn’t stand to see her sad for a second longer.

Finally, the girl looked at you although tears were still rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t say anything, making you awkwardly shift from one foot to the other; you really weren’t good at handling crying people. Quickly you cleared your throat and held out your hand to break the silence.

“Um... hi. I’m Y/N by the way.”

You introduced yourself sheepishly, but the girl just kept staring at your hand.

“Why are you being so nice to me? I just tackled you to the ground.”

Her cheeks became a light shade of pink and you couldn’t help but giggle when you remembered the incident a second ago. This evening stroll had definitely taken another turn than you had expected to.

“I would have reacted the same way if I had thought that someone tried stealing my dog.”

You shrugged, causing the girl to glance up at you before groaning.

“Ugh I’m such an idiot.”

She sighed while crouching down and burying her face in her hands. Awkwardly you watched the ball of misery in front of you for a while before hesitantly patting her shoulder.

“Hey don’t say that. Your friend should at least give you some credit for the effort. I mean you literally bodyslammed me to the ground...”

You hoped to cheer her up a bit, but when her sad gaze snapped up to you, you started questioning your ability to comfort people. Suddenly, however, a silent giggle escaped her lips and she stood up again.

“I guess you’re right about that.”

You smiled proudly when you saw that her expression had lightened up a bit.

“I’m Chaeyoung.”

This time it was her to hold out her hand and you grabbed it happily.

“Nice to meet you! Shall we search for your dog?”

You asked and finally a smile appeared on Chaeyoung’s lips, causing your heart to suddenly miss a beat. All this time you had been so distracted by her miserable state that you hadn’t noticed how pretty she actually was. Her eyes were still a little puffy, but you were sure that you had never seen a prettier person in your life. Dumbfounded you scanned every detail of her face from her white, pearly teeth to the cute crinkles on her nose because of her smile. You were completely lost and only her voice managed to rip you out of your trance.

“Yes! Let’s find him!”

She stated with a sudden burst of positivity before marching off.

Quickly you shook off your trance and followed her. She greeted you with another wide smile after you had caught up to her, making you realize that you were hopelessly falling for her.

“What is his name?”

Chaeyoung cut through your train of thoughts another time by reaching out to pat your dog on your arms that you had completely forgotten until now.

“Um... Yeontan!”

You stuttered surprised by her question, making it seem like you had just made that up.

Chaeyoung looked at you confused for a second before devoting her attention to Yeontan. He seemed to like her a lot better now and licked her hand, causing Chaeyoung to giggle. Like on command your heart left its steady rhythm again and you cursed yourself for being so easily wooed by her. This was the same girl that had tackled you to the ground not long ago.

As you remembered the incident, you finally noticed how your leg was actually hurting and you rubbed the spot that had had to bear your whole weight earlier. Chaeyoung immediately looked at you concerned.

“Is it because of the fall? Are you in pain? I’m so sorry about that.”

She looked like she was about to cry again, so you were quick to put on a smile.

“No, no, it’s fine. Don’t worry.”

You assured her but Chaeyoung kept looking at you worriedly.

The awkwardness from earlier returned again, but you didn’t want to allow it. You wanted to keep listening to her beautiful voice and get lost in a random conversation. Therefore, you gritted your teeth and picked up the pace to proof that your leg was absolutely fine.

“How did you lose your friend’s dog anyways?”

You asked to change the topic and Chaeyoung looked at your leg a little longer before snapping up her gaze.

“I was looking at the sunset...”

She mumbled sheepishly, making you bite back a grin. She really looked adorable when she was flustered.

“Ah that happened to me too before.”

You responded to ease her bad conscience.

“Really?”

She met your eyes as a slight pout on her lips was making your heart flutter.

“Yup. I tied up Yeontan’s leash because I was tired of carrying it, but then I got so lost in eating my sandwich that I didn’t notice how the leash untied and Yeontan walked off by himself.”

Chaeyoung nodded understandingly and started telling you how much easier it was to take care of fish. Without you noticing, the two of you had already rounded the park once while talking about this and that and looking for Kuma. If it were up to you, you wouldn’t mind talking with Chaeyoung the rest of the evening, but you could see how she got more worried with every minute.

“Be honest, Y/N. We won’t find him, right?”

She asked eventually and you scratched your neck helplessly. The park wasn’t that big, and you were sure that you had checked every corner by now. It was likely that Kuma had run off and finding a small puppy in a 10 million people metropolis was pretty hopeless. You sighed sadly and opened your mouth to tell her to go home when you saw a person walking into the park with two dogs next to them. A large black dog and a tiny brown one.

“Kuma looks exactly like Yeontan, right?”

You probed while keeping your eyes on the dog across the park.

“Yeah...”

Chaeyoung answered while following your gaze. She gasped loudly once she found what you were looking at.

“You don’t think that’s...”

She trailed off, but you nodded in response.

“Come on, it’s our last shot.”

You motioned Chaeyoung to follow you while already starting to walk towards the little brown dog.

“Please don’t tackle that person though.”

You chuckled once you almost reached your destination, making Chaeyoung slap your arm lightly.

“Stop.”

She whined, causing you to laugh even more. You hoped that you would get the chance to tease her even more about your first encounter in the future, because you surely didn’t want it to be your last.

The nearer you came to the two dogs, the faster Chaeyoung walked. You could see the hope in her eyes, and you prayed that she wouldn’t get disappointed another time.

“Kuma?”

She called out almost hesitantly once you were only a few steps away from the dogs. The little brown one actually raised his head and looked right at the two of you. It took him a while, but then he suddenly wagged his tail and ran to Chaeyoung in lightning speed. She squealed in joy and sank to her knees to lift him up in her arms.

“You naughty dog! Why did you run away?”

She tried scolding him, but her shaky voice was betraying her.

You smiled as you watched Kuma licking Chaeyoung’s face, causing her to giggle happily.

“Thank you for finding my dog!”

She said to the owner of the black dog.

“No problem. He must have followed us out of the park. I was already halfway home when I noticed him trailing behind us.”

They answered and Chaeyoung shook her head.

“How could you, Kuma? I was worried sick.”

The little dog didn’t seem to have that big of a bad conscience though as he was already starting to get distracted by the black dog again. This time, however, Chaeyoung didn’t take any chances and put his collar around his neck again. Precautionary she picked him up and turned to both their savior another time.

“You can’t believe how grateful I am.”

Relief was written all over her face and she couldn’t stop thanking the owner of the black dog that had to leave eventually though.

“What an evening.”

Chaeyoung sighed once it was just the two of you again.

“I better get going home now. Jennie is probably going crazy by now.”

Although you had known that the two of you had to part eventually, your heart still sank. You wished that you had more time.

“Yeah, I think you probably should.”

You mumbled while avoiding Chaeyoung’s gaze and looking at your shoes.

Nevertheless, you could see in the corner of your eye that she hadn’t made a move to leave yet. Instead, she was standing in front of you while fidgeting with her fingers. This could be your chance to ask for her number or to at least tell her that you enjoyed this evening, you thought to yourself. Your brain worked at top speed. You needed to choose your words wisely; you only had one shot that you couldn’t mess up. No matter how hard you tried though, it seemed like you had lost all your eloquence. The words in your head were jumbled, making your throat dry out.

Impatiently Chaeyoung started shifting from one foot to the other as silence surrounded the two of you, causing your nervousness to increase tenfold. It was now or never. But when you met her eyes, your carefully prepared words suddenly disappeared in the back of your mind again and you were left speechless. Instead, Chaeyoung cleared her throat at last.

“Well, thanks again for your help. Um... bye, I guess.”

She said while slowly starting to walk backwards.

Helplessly you met her gaze, but when you opened your mouth no words came out, causing her to sigh and turn around.

“Come on, Kuma. Let’s go home.”

She mumbled and you cursed yourself inwardly. What was wrong with you? You needed some sort of wake-up call.

Like the heavens had heard your cry for help, Yeontan suddenly barked in your arms and you almost dropped him in shock. The noise made Chaeyoung look over her shoulder again, allowing you to take a glance at her beautiful features one more time.

You simply couldn’t let this chance slip.

Only a few more steps and she would disappear through the gate of the park, but finally your courage seemed to have found you.

“I’m here every day. Same time.”

You yelled, causing Chaeyoung to turn around. A wide smile was playing on her lips when she met your eyes.

“Good to know. See ya.”

She winked and you were sure that someone had just shot an arrow through your heart.

“See ya.”

You mumbled to yourself while waving awkwardly and watching Chaeyoung disappear.

She was out of your sight for a while now, but your feet were still firmly planted on the ground and your eyes fixated on the gate until Yeontan barked eventually to rip you out of your trance. You almost yelped in surprise, but quickly put him down to finally go home as well.

“I hope you’re prepared, buddy. We’ll go on a lot of walks the next weeks.”

You chuckled, causing Yeontan to snort disapprovingly as if he had understood your words.

Who would have thought that you would fall for the maniac tackling you to the ground?

The Arc charm

RWBY: *playing with adrien*

Adrien: *happy baby giggles*

Yang: awww.

Ruby: he's so cuuuute.

Blake: he is.

Weiss: *hugging him* he's the most adorable thing on this planet.

Saphron: wow, so young but already surrounded by girls, adrien is quite popular don't you think.

Terra: *nods*

Jaune: yup, he is. Just don't let dad teach him how to flirt, its gonna go wrong for him.

Saphron: who needs flirting skills? He has the arc charm on his side already.

Yang: vomit boy already mentioned this arc charm and used it to go after ice queen, it didn't worked for him though.

Jaune: *deadpans* not all charm in the world could make up for how annoying i was being.

Saphron: still, i'm surprised your charm didn't work on her *grins* adrien on the other hand doesn't seems to have problems using the arc charm to get the attention from the ladies.

Ruby: what is this arc charm?

Saphron: it's a natural skill all arcs are born with which makes you a chick magnet basically.

Yang: is vomit boy's charm broke? Cause he isn't that magnet.

Saphron: believe me, during school days there were lots of girls interested in jaune, he was just too dense to notice that.

Jaune: i wasn't dense.

Saphron: yes you were, just like dad was when he first met mom. *sigh* at least i hope adrien didn't got that side from arc family.

Weiss: if you raise him properly, then you won't have that problem right?

Saphron: i don't think so, being dense is engraved in the arc DNA, so i'm afraid that i can't really do much about that.

Blake: *raises eyebrow* i thought adrien was terra's kid?

Terra: and he is.

Saphron: but he's also an arc.

Weiss: wait, wait, wait, how is it possible that he's both terra's child and an arc, last time i checked two womans couldn't. . .well. . .reproduce.

Saphron: *snort* and they still can't silly, that's why we had to add the boy factor to the story. *pulls jaune into a headlock* and that's where my little brother comes in.

RWBY/_N_R: *car crashing sound on the background*

Ruby: w-wait a minute. . .does that means that-

Saphron: adrien is jaune's son with terra? Yup, he is.

Nora: hold on a second. *picks up a cup of tea and sips it, before spitting it all out* HE'S WHAT!?!?

Saphron: what? We wanted our kid to be an arc too, and since my brother was a very kind person he didn't refused to help us and donate some of his DNA.

Weiss: o-oh right, so jaune donated the DNA so you could make an artificial insemination? For one moment i thought-

Saphron: no, they just straight up banged for a whole night.

RWBY/_N_R: *chokes*

Terra: *blushing* s-saphron!

Saphron: what? It's the truth.

Terra: still. . .

Saphron: still what? Don't act like you didn't liked it, i can still hear you screaming and moaning jaune's name for hours. it kinda makes me jealous, i never heard you moan like that with me.

Terra: *atomic red*

Jaune: *red* s-saphron? Don't you think you said enough already?

Saphron: yeah i probably did, but that reminds me, are you okay with making me and terra another baby?

RWBY/_N_R: *chokes even harder*

Jaune: *deep red* w-what!?

Saphron: me and terra were talking about it for awhile and we wanted another baby, we're both very excited about the idea of another adrien running around the house. . .although i can't really say if terra's excitement is for the baby or for getting dicked by you again.

Terra: *solar red* s-saphron!!!

Saphron: so? Can you help us out?

Jaune: . . .are you really okay with me doing that again?

Saphron: as long as you give me a new kid i'm one hundred percent fine with it, luckily terra is on her fertile period today so i don't think you'll have troubles knocking her up.

Jaune: *blushing* and you terra? Are you okay with that?

Saphron: ohh i bet she is, especially now that you've got ripped and even more handsome.

Terra: *hiding her face with her hands and with smoke coming from the top if her head* please stop.

Saphron: that's not a denial. So, can you do me that favor lil' brother?

Jaune: *dark red* well. . .if she's okay with it i don't mind.

Terra: i-i don't mind it, really.

Saphron: *pushing them upstairs* great, great, now get out of my face and start making me a second kid.

Jaune/Terra: *disappears on the second floor*

Saphron: *walks back to the living room and sits down on the sofa with a sigh* finally. *looks back at RWBY and _N_R who have completely shocked expression on their faces* what?

Ruby: *blushing* a-are jaune and terra going to. . .uhm. . .well. . .

Saphron: yup, unless you know another way for them to make babies.

Weiss: and you don't care for the fact that jaune is going to sleep with your wife?

Saphron: he's doing me a favor, why would i be worked up about that? plus terra has been a bit stressed because of her work recently and i don't have much time to take care of her, jaune's actually doing me two favors for the price of one.

RWBY: *blushing* oh my god.

Ren: well, when you put it that way it does make sense.

Nora: fearless leader has also been stressed for awhile now, i bet that this is going to help him too.

Weiss: are you two seriously agreeing with this!?

Nora: yup.

Ren: *shrugs*

Saphron: what about you girls?

RWBY: us?

Saphron: did any of you give my brother a try?

RWBY: *dark red* a WHAT!?

Saphron: so? Did you?

Ruby: n-no.

Weiss: absolutely not!

Blake: i don't think so.

Yang: no.

Saphron: you girls have no idea what you're missing. I bet jaune could help you girls with all the stress you've got on this trip.

Weiss: *red* who said we're stressed!? And what makes you think he can help us!?

Saphron: *grins raising three fingers*

Ruby: . . .what does that means?

Saphron: three. . .two. . .one *cover adrien's ears* aaand.

Terra: OOOOHHHHHHH FUUUUUUCK!!!!!

RWBY: *blushes*

Ruby: w-was that. . .terra?

Saphron: yup.

Terra: AAAAHHH!!!!! JAUNEEE!!!! OOHHH MY GOOOOODDD!!!

Yang: is the always that loud?

Saphron: not even close, terra is pretty shy in bed and she gets embarrassed of the neighbors hearing her lewd noises, so she tries her best to hold back her voice, but that's only with me, when jaune comes around the story is different.

Blake: *blushing* is he really that good?

Saphron: oh he is, i never saw him in action for obvious reasons, but from everything i heard from terra. . .well, let's just say that if she met first jaune instead of me, terra nowadays wouldn't be lesbian.

Blake: wow. . .he's that good?

Saphron: isn't that enough of a proof to you?

Terra:  YESYESYESYESYESSSS!!!!! THIS IS SOO GOOOOOD!!!

Saphron: do i really need to say anything else?

Yang: . . .gotta admit, she does have a point.

Weiss: are you serious!?

Ruby: i mean. . .terra is supposed to only like girls, but jaune can still make her feel like that. . .what would happen if he did it with a girl that likes boys?

Weiss: ruby i. . . *sigh* why do i even bother.

Yang: where's blake?

Blake: *walking downstairs with wide eyes and a nosebleed*

Ruby: blake? What's wrong?

Blake: i saw them. . . 

Weiss: d-don't tell me you were peeping on them!?

Blake: there are things i thought were only possible on books and doujins. . .jaune just proved me wrong. . .i need to see the rest. *walks back upstairs*

Yang: okay, now i'm curious. *follows her*

Ruby: h-hey! No peeping *follows* i-im going too, but just to make sure you'll not peep on them.

Weiss: y'know what, i don't care anymore *follows* wait for me!

Ren: . . .were you planning all of this?

Saphron: *grinning* maybe, but would it be that bad if your friends and jaune got together and made us some nephews?

Nora: it would awesome! And they would be so cute too!

Saphron: *picking adrien up* and adrien would have friends to play with him. Now if you excuse me i'll walk a bit with adrien, maybe find a nice hotel to stay, something tells me that even after he's over with terra jaune will still have a lot of work. Bye you two! *leaves*

Ren: . . .

Nora: . . .soo, wanna do something renny?

Ren: like?

Nora: i don't know, watch a movie, eat something, maybe-

Ren: *sigh* you wanna do 'that' too, don't you?

Nora: *pounces at him* thank god i thought you weren't going to ask!

Ben Solo/Kylo Ren: a character analysis

OK, first things first: THIS ISN’T A STAN OR ANTI POST. This is a character study, and if you can’t handle this character getting impartial concrit, just don’t read. If, however, you don’t agree with some of the points I’m going to make and want to have a healthy discussion about it, then I’m all ears. I don’t think my opinion is the only valid one, so feel free to try and change my mind.

And second things second: I tried so hard to love the sequel trilogy, but when it became clear after TROS that the studio had no plan other than making money, it became very difficult. I’m aware that the main problem for all the characters is the lack of general planing in this whole mess of trilogy, so keep this always in mind while reading this post: the first problem of this character was that the studio didn’t even know what to do with him.

1. Does Ben Solo becoming Kylo Ren make sense?

I checked the comics to get his background better. He had a happy childhood traveling a lot with Han and Leia, but when she discovered about the First Order, she sent him to train with Luke while Han and Chewie ran undercover missions for her. This is important: up to this point, he had a good relationship with his family, even if he was already being pulled by the dark side of the Force. It was during his adolescence that he started to be really seduced by Snoke, hearing the voice he thought belonged to Darth Vader. After the Luke incident, he did explode the cabin and thought he had killed his uncle, but he was not the one who killed all the other students and destroyed the temple: that was Snoke’s thing. He did kill some of his fellow Jedi apprentices later on, though. So, his turning points were Luke’s treason and Snoke’s coordinated abduction. And I would like to point out: the Sith training involves torture and brainwashing, so the first wrong impression I would like to correct about this character is that he was not simply a dick and revolted teen who ran away to join a cult.

BUT, there are some huge problems here. The first one is that when you watch the movies, you don’t learn anything about that aside from Luke’s part. In the way he’s presented in TFA, he’s Leia and Han’s son who betrayed his family, destroyed his uncles’ dream and joined the dark side for no reason. OF COURSE half of the audience wouldn’t like him. That wouldn’t be a problem if they just wanted him to be a villain like Darth Vader was, but it’s very clear that there was a plan (at least for one director) to make him a supposedly redeemable character. And how can we sympathize with his character like that? Even after we get to know what Luke almost did, the next question is simple: ok, so why he didn’t go back to Han and Leia?

And here is the second huge problem: we learned that after Ben leaves Yavin IV, Luke vanished, and Han and Leia broke up and went back to smuggling/leading a rebellion. And I can’t stress this enough, this doesn’t make any sense. The sequel trilogy killed Luke, Han, and Leia’s characters. These three characters that we have known for years would never, ever, had abandoned Ben Solo. Leia F*cking Organa and Han shot-first Solo would have brought their son back or die trying. Luke Skywalker is not a coward, he wouldn’t go into hiding and abandoned his only sister to clean up his mess during another war, let alone close himself to the Force, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to feel if she was in danger. Just remember Han risking his life to save Luke in Hoth; or Leia leaving the rebellion to rescue Han from Jabba; or Luke straight-up disobeying ghost Obi-Wan and ghost Yoda to save Han and Leia, even if that costed the war. They were older and different, for sure, but we are talking about the quintessential things, the things that make these beloved characters themselves.  

(THIS ^^. This right here is the spirit of Star Wars)

So no, in the way it was done in the movies, Ben Solo becoming Kylo Ren doesn’t make sense to the audience, and that’s a huge problem. A friend of mine suggested once that instead of being a rip-off of ANH, TFA should have been a movie about the beginning of the First Order (because after we defeat the Empire on episode VI, episode VII starting with ANOTHER all-powerful evil government already dominating the galaxy and exploding planets just throws away all the previous movies’ efforts) and about how Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren. Just imagine if Rey, Finn and Poe had interacted with Ben Solo before he becomes evil: the stakes would have been so much higher, and it could have been well done. It would have made this character more human and likable.

2. Kylo Ren’s motivations: what does he want?

If the OT was about hope, I think we can agree that the ST’s themes are legacy and belonging. Having their protagonists, Rey and Ben/Kylo representing two apposite sides of those things was one of the best ideas for the new saga.  Rey looks for belonging in the past she doesn’t know, while Kylo wants to abandon Ben Solo’s past and find his place in his future as Kylo Ren.

In that sense, his character arc was somehow solid. In TFA, it’s clear he’s still struggling with the dark side and feels the temptation of the light: he loses control easily, and he’s not doing anything unless Snoke orders him to. Ok, but why? Why is he clinging to Darth Vader’s ideals and staying in the sith path? Basically because he thinks it’s too late, and he has no other options. Which brings us back to the problem with Han and Leia: his parents didn’t go after him, they chose to go back to their old lives – of course he would think there’s no going back for him now. “But he is an adult man and could make his own decisions.” It’s a fair point, but again: sith training corrupts you and even if he had escaped, the only thing that would happen would be Snoke finding him again. It’s kinda like leaving an addiction: you supposedly can do it by yourself, but it is so much easier if you have help. Not a simple promise or offer, but actual, constant, and present help. I can not stress this enough, but I insist that one of the main problems with the sequel trilogy was not explaining in a satisfactory way HOW and WHY he turned to the dark side and stayed there.

3. Han Solo

Okay, I will admit: maybe my opinion on this specific topic is biased, because Han Solo is my favorite SW character. You may call me out as a fangirl if you don’t agree, but my point is: making Kylo Ren kill Han Solo was a bad idea. They basically killed the character for half of the audience, with zero chance of redemption.

It’s because it’s fratricide. Unless your father is Satan, the Emperor, or someone as equally villainous, fratricide is just that bad. It’s not easy to redeem a character who commits murder, but one that kills his own father? Who happens to be one of the good guys? And one of the most iconic and beloved characters in the franchise? There were other options to give Kylo Ren a tipping point, a conflicted moment that didn’t involve killing Han Solo. But they did, and he killed him. And now he’s no longer a villain we can sympathize with: now we think he’s a monster.

4. His interactions with Rey in TLJ

(I’m not wearing shipper goggles for this. I don’t even own shipper goggles when we are talking about Star Wars.)

Kylo Ren is conflicted after killing Han Solo, (and I will make a small pause here to reinforce how good Adam Driver’s acting was. He’s the only responsible for all the likable parts of Kylo Ren, especially in this movie). Kylo is once again unstable and Snoke is displeased with him, and for a moment we think he finally turned completely to the dark side, until he pauses before shooting Leia’s ship.

The force bond was the most interesting part of the movie. I don’t agree that he used it to manipulate Rey: if anything, he was completely harsh and blunt and kind of a dick to her, but he didn’t lie. He told her things how he saw it, with so much conviction that she started to see his side of the story. And since she was probably the first person in years that actually listened to him, his decision of murdering Snoke and inviting her to join the dark side makes very much sense.

We are talking about motivations and his are simple: let the past die, forge a new path. When he kills Snoke and no longer has a master, he only has one option: to become the master. That’s why he takes over the FO, and wants Rey to be his apprentice. Does the character suffer from sith-tunnel-vision? Definitely. But it makes sense. His decision-making is not overly complicated: he feels alone, and he wants a purpose: he decides that the solution for both is Rey joining him in the dark side. When she refuses, he still has one purpose: the FO.

This is, however, the point where he turns his back to the light completely: on Crait, he orders the FO to explode the Rebel Base and kill everyone, knowing full well his mother was in there. He orders them to exploded the Falcon out of the sky, once again knowing that Chewie and Rey are on board. When facing Luke, he repeats that he will kill Rey and the rebels. His transition from conflicted sith apprentice to the new villain of the franchise was actually well done.

And exactly because of that, the next topic pisses me off so much.

5. The continuity problem between episodes VIII and IX

Introducing Palpatine here was bad for so many reasons: backtracking Rey’s arc, making us think about Palps’ sex life, insisting on beating a literal dead horse when there were new things to explore, etc etc. And it was also bad for Kylo Ren’ arc. As I said before, the way they finished episode VIII, everything pointed to Kylo becoming the final evil Rey would have to face, and that would have been awesome. We didn’t need Palps, or ANOTHER all-powerful evil army ready to conquer the galaxy with exploding-planets-tech (seriously, is Alderaan a joke to you, Disn*y?).

  But, in the third movie, they went back and decided they didn’t want Kylo Ren to be the ultimate villain anymore. They wanted him to be redeemed. And that’s not bad per se, but an actual redemption arc needs to be planned, and I think we can all agree, there was no planning in the sequels. And again, FRATRICIDE. So they introduced an old, more powerful evil to make Kylo Ren less evil and less of a threat in comparison. And evil so definitive, and with such a bullshit connection to Rey, that it makes Kylo reconsider his previous promises of killing the last jedi and going back to the plan of making her turn.

And so, his character spends the movie going after Rey, to tell her the bullshit truth about her parents, to convince her to join him. At least his arc is still somehow solid, because once he’s decided on his path, he doesn’t lose control like in the previous movies, and his body language is more firm and lethal. Which, honestly, thanks Adam Driver, he knew the character way better than the director at this point.

He finally comes back to the light when Leia dies. Although it was rushed, I agree that, at that point, it was literally the only thing that could have made him turn. Rey reminding him that he wouldn’t be alone if he hadn’t chosen the dark side helped, too. It was clear that the moment with Han Solo was supposed to be with Leia, but I’m really glad Harrison Ford agreed to come back to fill in the role for his old friend.

6. Ben Solo

Okay, there’s so much to unpack here. When Ben Solo finally comes out to play, it’s very good. We can finally see some things that explain Kylo Ren better – it’s so obvious how awkward he was in his own body trying to be an evil sith lord when he is clearly a natural disaster. He still suffers from tunnel vision, but at least now it’s Skywalker-do-or-die tunnel vision. It’s like a weight was lifted from his shoulders, and the way his actions scream Han Solo makes me, once again, wish the first movie had been about him, and not the whole “find a map/ Star Killer base was ANOTHER ridiculous idea / I know R2’s alignment is chaotic bastard but COME ON”.

Star Wars has a notorious story with pulling Force powers out of nowhere, and I’m not going to pretend to be an expert in SW lore, so I won’t complain about the dyad thing (and the weird stuff with the light sabers). I honestly liked the concept. There’s a lot I have to say about the final battle against Palpatine, but I think it would fit better in a future character study about Rey (God, that’s going to be another long ass post). I just want to add that after Luke insisted on her taking both light sabers to Exegol, and after all the crazy stuff Ben did to get to her, they should have, you know, actually fought side by side against 85% dead Palpatine? Aren’t these two idiots supposed to be stronger than that?? I’m not complaining about Rey bringing him down “alone” since she is the protagonist yada yada, I just wished that Ben had done something, instead of being thrown into a hole.

(Palps did that out of spite because of his grandfather? I bet he did.)

I won’t say I didn’t cry hearing the voices of the past jedi talking to Rey, because I definitely did. If anything, it was great to see so many beloved actors getting a chance to honor such iconic characters. But are you freaking shitting on us? Where were ANY of those assholes when Luke, Leia and Ben needed them, like, ten years ago?? “Well, force ghosts should not be used as ex machinas, and they don’t see the future” Tell that to episodes IV, V and VI. Anakin, Obi Wan and Yoda can show up for Vader weird funeral/party with ewoks but they can’t send a jedi signal for the Skywalkers to warn them about Sith bullshit about to happen? “They were probably ahead in the world the comes next and they didn’t have a way to come back, they just talked to Rey because Exegol is a Force nexus and-” And so is Ach-To. And so is Yavin IV. And so is Dagoba (Yes, Snoke sent Ben there for training). Look, I have no problems with Force Ghosts, I love them bastards. I’m just so freaking mad with the lack of coherence in this trilogy. If they did not talk to the Skywalkers – and I’m sure at least Luke and Ben asked Obi Wan/Anakin to show themselves A LOT – they should not have talked to Rey. It was a crowd please moment, for sure, but it was another gigantic middle finger to Ben Solo (before he becomes Kylo Ren).

And then Rey died, and Ben brings her back. I know how many funny jokes are going around in the fandom about how resurrecting Qui-Gon or Padme would have saved the galaxy so much trouble, but again, I’m okay with that. It was previously established that since they were a dyad, they had this living Force between them (although it was rushed in the final like everything else). And it does make sense Ben doing that: he had just come back to the light, and his parents were both dead. Han and Leia were gone because of him, the last time he saw Chewie was as his captor, and before that, he got shot by him, etc, you get the idea. He had nothing else, only this: the chance to make it right by a person that genuinely cared for him. Exchanging his life for Rey’s was nothing: he knew that his family would be waiting for him in the world that comes after.

So, did I like the Bendemption? It. Was. Not. A. Redemption. It was the right choice, and it made things right between him and Rey, because she forgave him for everything. But that’s it. He did not face the consequence of any of his previous actions. “But he died for her!” And we just established that it was not a difficult choice, considering that he had literally no reasons to stay alive if Rey was dead. If you want to see an actual redemption arc, go watch Avatar the Legend of Aang.

And finally, the kiss and the death. Okay, I know I’m digging my own grave by addressing that, but my mama raised no coward. Here it goes: it was fan service, pure and simple. It’s there to make part of the fanbase happy. Good for you, reylos, but to us, not shippers, it came out of nowhere. And I’m not questioning if they had feelings for each other or not: I’m talking about pacing and characterization. I’m not 100% convinced that Rey, as a character, as she was presented to us so far, would have done that. It felt out of place, and it broke the immersion of the scene. I was emotionally invested on what was going on, I was happy to see Ben smiling at her and everything, but then suddenly they were sucking faces and the “FAN SERVICE” alarm was so loud in my mind that I immediately lost interest. If they wanted that in the movie so much, there was probably a better way to do that.

It makes sense that Ben had to die to bring Rey back: one life for another and everything. I still think that, story-wise, it would have been better if none of them had died a ridiculous death, and Ben had faced the consequences of his actions as Kylo Ren, but okay, moving on.  The main problem here is what happens after he dies: nothing. Absolute-effing-nothing. He dies, he disappears – which, again, I won’t question because Leia was involved and Skywalkers do whatever they want with the Force and I’m no expert – but that’s it. Rey, the same Rey that had just jumped his bones fifteen seconds earlier, doesn’t even mourn him. She doesn’t cry, she doesn’t do anything for him in the end, she just goes to Tattooine because it makes sense to the Skywalker saga to end where it started. She sees more of those Force Ghosts who never appear when they freaking should and that’s it.

Why is it bad? Well, first, like it or not, Ben Solo/Kylo Ren was one of the main characters and he deserved an actual final. Finn and Poe too, but those are long posts for another day. And second, it makes the fan-service in that kiss scene more evident. You can’t have the girl kiss him and in the next scene act like it didn’t matter at all. “Ok, then it was a thank-you kiss and there were no real feelings of loved involved”. But that makes it worse, it would be even more completely out of character for Rey – who avoids physical contact with people on the regular – to just kiss someone as a thank-you. Do you see how the math does not compute? If she had feelings for him, and therefore kissed him, she should have mourned him. If anything, she should at least miss her other part of the dyad thing. And if she didn’t mourn him because she didn’t have actual feelings, then she should not have kissed him. A little consistency, it’s all I’m asking.

7. Conclusions (aka tl;dr)

He was a somehow consistent character, but the lack of plot for the sequels was a huge problem. If the trilogy had been about Ben Solo becomes Kylo Ren – Kylo Ren kills Snoke and becomes the real villain – Rey faces Kylo Ren and she either saves him or kills him, it would have been so much better than the mess the studio did.

His story in the comics is so much more complex than what it is shown in the movies, but what they did to Han, Leia and Luke was a crime.

It was clear that one director had a vision to give him a redemption, and the other to make him the ultimate villain.

Adam Driver did what he could to make this character solid and somehow likable, let’s thank him for that.

There was no reason to bring Palps back,

Rey’s actions in the final are contradictory,

He should have stayed alive to face the consequences of his actions,

and the studio is charged guilt for getting our hopes up just to crush them with their lack of interest in doing something descent for the fans.

But again, that’s just my analysis of this character. Feel free to disagree with me, I would love to see what other people think about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

lily watches fma:b, eps. 58-61

I hate suspense, so I went ahead and read the plot summary for the next few episodes, so I could relax a bit. Unfortunately, there's a lot of plot decisions that elicit a major "WTF?" from me, so we'll see if they work better in context.

so they're using the Gates as transportation portals now?? This is new, isn't it?? or does it only work with people who have already opened gates?? I'm so confused!!

okay, so ling doesn't know how to use alchemy to heal people? but he can sense homunculi because chi? or is this just something everyone in Xing can do? I'M SO CONFUSED.

[he has a stone but neither he nor Greed know how to use it to heal others, I guess?? why not, though?]

Bucaneer calls Olivier a "queen," which is right on!

Greedling is the best thing about this adaptation, full stop

*sings* "It must be nice, must be nice, to have a homunculus on your side..."

that one random woman looks so much like Danta from FMA03 that I just had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't imagining it

Elicia HAS ECLIPSE GLASSES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING

I don't understand why Hoheneheim counts as a sacrifice - yes, he was present for the opening in Xerxes, but he did not attempt human transmutation himself (even though the portal was centered around him without his knowledge) I feel like intent matters?? iirc, he wasn't consumed and broken down the way Ed and Al were???

He's also now fused with Father in a weird blob that reminds me of Topaz trapping humans in Steven Universe.

I don't know why Hawkeye hasn't managed to shoot the evil doctor in all this close-quarters fighting. And why isn't Roy using flames? We had a demo earlier with the zombies that he can work around his allies without burning them, so... ???

Mustang is ordered to perform human transmutation so the bad guys can have a fifth person to complete their circle (somehow, alchemy always works in fives?) He refuses, but then they say they'll shoot Hawkeye if he doesn't so he caves.

this "gotta get a complete set" seems really sloppy for Team Bad, because the eclipse is like, any minute now. Seems like they're cutting it really close. You think they could have found/persuaded/forced someone into doing it, given how long they've had to work at this. So I'm just like "???" about this.

(the doctor dude also lampshades this, lol)

also, I'm so confused why the doctor claims Roy can bring anyone he wants back - maybe this was FMA03 I'm thinking of, but it seems like you would need some sort of specific connection to a particularl person in order to bring them back that you couldn't just whip out at a moment's notice??

is there any other way to open the gateway besides human transmutation?? And why doesn't the doctor count, since they've made plenty of philosopher's stones (which involve human transmutation, and is why Hohenheim is a sacrifice in the first place)??

okay, hawkeye isn't dead yet, but he's supposed to transmute her anyway? How does that differ from healing? I'M SO CONFUSED.

anyway, pride shows up and eats the annoying doctor and also makes a transmutation circle with his shadows while Bradley pins Mustang to the floor. o...kay. andthen it just...happens?without roy's consent?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDES

okay, andnow the eclipse is starting, irl they'd have a maximum of 8 minutes at totality to Do The Thing, but who the fuck knows what's happening here since all the characters are UNDERGROUND (how do they even KNOW)

fuck, they're basically raping mustang here since his consent does not matter because pride ate the doctor and the doctor has the knowledge (but that should make him and/or pride the sacrifice, not ROY).

like what the actual fuck

so the doctor gets transmuted, even though he was the one with the relevant knowledge?? I don't get it.

and mustang is automatically transported to be with the other sacrifices - why? how?? how does this even work? is that other circlethey wereusing still active? was it part of pride's set-up for this circle to be dual-purpose?HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

and apparently, it's just one floor below so all they have to do is break the floor??

Roy is blind... but does not physically lose his eyes, which makes NO SENSE, given that Al, Ed and Izumi lost actual physical pieces of themselves.THE FUCK.

ed's like, "this is super fucked up shit, and you don't get to moralize about human nature and hubris if you guys forced him to do this"

pride is basically acting like a kid who had all the time in the world for an assignment and then rushed to complete it at the last possible moment

scar fights bradley, yes FINALLY SOMEBODY KILL THAT DUDE

al's emaciated body is just so heartbreaking, and al's like "no! I can't suddenly move to this incredibly emaciated version of myself before the final battle!" which is actually really smart of him

of course, al's body waits until AFTER his soul leaves to monologue about how al might have just destroyed the entire world. GEE THANKS YOU ASSHOLE.

broussh shows up at the radio station and maria ross is like :????:

Father says the sacrifices are "all in his belly" and we cut to the chimeras on the outside looking at a massive blob - so Father is ALSO a gate???

(ngl: it would make TOTAL SENSE if Father was originally one of the creatures we see when the gate opens, who got pulled into our world by Hohenheim's master... especially since he used Hohenheim's blood? DID HIS MASTER PERFORM HUMAN TRANSMUTATION? WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF WE ACTUALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS??)

(okay, this is my working headcanon now)

May's like "I'M GONNA TAKE 'EM" and I'm like "aww, heck yeah girl!"

it's really appropriate that Scar--Formerly Consumed by Anger--is fighting Wrath, who ordered the Amestrian equivalent of Order 66 on Ishval.

scar put a reconstruction circle on his other arm, how Symbolic

FATHER MAKES A GUN OUT OF HIS OWN BODY WITH EYES AND TEETH

no seriously, what the fuck did I just witness

Al apologizes to Hohenheim in case he hits him when he attacks father, bless that boy

Izumi makes A GIANT FUCKING CROSSBOW, did I mention I love her?

the personal gates of all of the sacrifices open - so they have giant eyes in their stomachs, wtf

father wants to open.. the planet's gate??

(this ties in with the alkahestry and chi, but... what?)

okay, the country-wide transmutation circle activates and everyone dies

Pinako (who knows Hohenheim is involved with this shit): Hohenheim, I'm gonna slug you. AND DAMN WELL YOU SHOULD MA'AM.

then the gates open and Father challenges God to a fistfight

... and God answers??

[apparently God lives in the sun, and only comes out during an eclipse??? looks just like the usual gate-eye-tentacle creature, tho]

okay, so we get our answer as to why an eclipse: male + female, sun + moon, = perfect being = immortality.

apparently there's a rule that all megalomaniacal shounen villains end up looking the same, because Father looks just like Aizen''s final form from Bleach now, except with more eyes.

Father ate God and now he's young and hot and mostly naked again.

He negates alchemy and creates a miniature sun in his hand because he can.

I hope God gives him indigestion or something.

Oh, wait, Hohenheim had a plan after all... THOUGH APPARENTLY 50 MILLION PEOPLE HAD TO DIE FIRST, WAY TO GO THERE

turns out he's been letting bits of his philosopher stone around amestris on his travels so that father would eat them and they'd tear him apart from the inside

... and the circle for the alchemy is the moon's shadow on the earth.

[I don't know if the astronomy actually works out, but it's very nifty nonetheless]

anyway, everybody's soul returns to their bodies, and everyone wakes up. IDK how their bodies handle having been functionally brain dead, but we're just gonna say it all works out, okay?

ooh, and everyone REMEMBERS WHAT JUST HAPPENED so they’re all like “...the fuck??”

scar saves the world by activating the reverse transmutation circle over the center that all the Ishvalans set up during the time skip

instead of blood you just need circles drawn on paper for reconstruction? why did Team Evil go to so much trouble to murder people instead?

father spends this whole fight looking like a very ripped hohenheim in a bathrobe around his waist OMG

pride calls ed his brother and I think this was handled better in 03 with Envy, but w/e. anyway he's going to take over ed's body but kimblee steps in and stops him

(man, this fucker again!!!)

kimblee's like "lol, I just like being a contrary bitch"

pride is reduced to a little baby, which Ed calls "Selim" and puts on his red jacket... okay...

well that was a trip.

cannot fault the manga-ka for ambition and epic scale here, but also: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2020

it’s that time of year again! *saddest toot from the party horn*

for those of you just joining us: it’s a “consume a different content every week for 48 weeks of the year” challenge. for a longer explanation, check out last year’s write-up here, and as always, feel free to pop in and ask questions about any and all of this content.

(same disclaimer as last year too: content for this project ONLY here, and not certain...*looks at my billion Sad Cop Lady posts*...hyperfixations.)

(man remember when i was big into X-Men comics earlier this year? better times than these, if only because no one's discoursing about Emma Frost’s woobie/war criminal ratio anymore--her w/w, if you will)

(...i swear at one point i didn’t exclusively like platinum blondes but alas)

Bitter Root (comic, 1 issue finished 1/1/2020): still very cool on a basic concept level, but runs into the Image Comics problem of just not having enough content to keep my interest beyond that. part of that is on me, for picking it up again BEFORE the second arc rolled out, but the first five issues didn’t really follow (or resolve) any cohesive story either, so...meh.

Immortal Hulk (comic, 3 trades finished 1/17/2020): still not gonna be something i care deeply about (maybe one of Bruce’s Hulksonas dyed his hair???), but i do want to give kudos to Al Ewing for sheer consistency in terms of sustaining this level of quality storytelling month by month for more than two years now. working with the dense archive of the Hulk mythos and managing to make it interesting and thoughtful is impressive even if i personally would not expend the same effort.

Disco Elysium (game, finished 1/18/2020): honestly i should have twigged onto what this year was gonna be like when the third thing i drew from the barrel was pure uncut Eastern European flavored depression. i faintly recall people ragging on it for being pretentiously cynical, but i actually thought its core slid more towards idealism than people give it credit for. also gratified that i haven’t heard anything about Robert Kurvitz using slave labor to finish it, which is a thing we have to say about our video games now!!! fun.

Watchmen (TV, 7 episodes finished 1/27/2020): i am a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof and I WAS RIGHT!!! honestly still cannot believe that he pulled off this highwire act with such deft aplomb. might be my favorite TV this year, which is a pretty high bar given how much TV i ended up watching.

On a Sunbeam (comic, finished 2/1/2020): Tillie Walden rightly deserves all the praise for inventive queer storytelling, but i will say that on reread--since i first read this as a webcomic--there ARE some issues with pacing here that clearly come from the foibles of its original intended medium. still just excellent, even if after some plot significant haircuts i was having trouble telling a few folks apart.

Lazarus (comic, 1 trade finished 2/8/2020): it’s so good and i want moooooorrrreee--though obviously Rucka and Lark have the right to take all the time they need. the newer longer issues work really well with the epic prestige drama vibes of the story! i’m into it.

The Good Place (TV, 4 seasons finished 2/18/2020): i’m gonna be super honest: i actually wasn’t a big fan of the finale, nor the last season as a whole. it felt like all of Eleanor’s flaws vanished for a majority of the season, and the Chidi-centric episode where they tried to give a legible justification for why he’s Like This was...i didn’t care for it. still, it’s so good and unique on the WHOLE that we’ll literally never get anything like this ever again, and that counts for a lot.

The Old Republic (game, finished 2/21/2020): it’s an MMO so it will never actually Be Finished so long as the servers aren’t shut down, but i caught up on the content i’d missed in the intervening months. Onslaught thus far has mostly been...kinda bland tbh; going back to Imps vs. Rebs after all the shakeups in the previous expansions feels like a waste.

High Road (album, finished 2/22/2020): someone should tell Kesha not to say that word!! otherwise i was very happy with this album, and happy FOR her even though we don’t know each other. being able to find joy again in the same genre of music you made while you were being horrifically exploited is very cool.

Young Justice (TV, 13 episodes finished 2/28/2020): given how much the middle stuff dragged--STOP KILLING YOUR HIJABI CHARACTER IN HORRIFIC WAYS--i was...actually kinda mad by how the end managed to stick the landing anyway. the day being saved by Vic’s self-acceptance and Violet’s sublime compassion was A+, and even the Brion/Tara switchup was a pleasant surprise, though it relied on me caring about Brion MUCH MORE than i actually did.

Manic (album, finished 2/29/2020): do people still care for/about Halsey? i feel like even That One Song that was on every tumblr gifset ever has kinda faded into obscurity at this point. this album was...okay. i feel like people give Halsey a pass for extremely obvious lyrical turns that they wouldn’t for other folks because of her subject material--which is fine. not really my cup of tea, but i also listened to lots of Relient K this year, so that’s probably a good thing.

Jade Empire (game, 3/10/2020): the only 3D-era Bioware game that didn’t franchise out, and for good fucking reason!!! the Orientalism and appropriation really haven’t aged well, and even beyond that the story was...standard Bioware faire. even my usual “my wife’s a bitch i love her” Bioware type didn’t do it for me, and i just ended up romancing no one. it did make me think a lot about what level of cultural borrowing is accepted nowadays, and why: people still look fondly at Avatar and talk about how ~accurate and respectful it was, for example, despite it being staffed almost entirely by white folks, and the Orientalism ALL OVER the monk class in DND is still fine for some reason.

Alif the Unseen (book, finished 3/31/2020): interesting to have read this AFTER reading The Bird King last year, because it highlights how the intervening years have shifted G. Willow Wilson’s thematic interest and improved her craft. i’m actually quite fond of how her characterization work is rougher here--Alif is extremely flawed to the point of being insufferable, but it makes his development by the end more satisfying. Dina is also just good and i love her

Baldur’s Gate (2 games, finished 5/31/2020): well, having finally finished the series i’m happy to say that it...still doesn’t really do it for me, sorry. any awesome story moments were overshadowed by the EXCRUCIATING inventory management system and the combat (i still don’t know what a THAC0 is and at this point i’m afraid to find out). these games crucially lack the Home Base that later Bioware games were so good about, and that (coupled with the huge cast of characters you can drop off and never see again) really hurts the intimacy for me. by the time we finally did get one it was the Hell Dimension in Throne of Bhaal, and i was just...trying to get through it. (yes, i did just say that about one of the most beloved expansions ever to one of the most beloved games ever.) THIS particular iteration of “my wife’s a bitch i love her” was very good, but the game wouldn’t let me romance her :(

The Underground Railroad (book, finished 6/19/2020): honestly what is there even left to say at this point! it was exactly as good as every critic on the planet said it was, even with my usual aversion to hype. draining and horrifying in turns but still insistent upon a future for Black folks.

Steven Universe (6 seasons and a mooooooviiieeee, finished 7/11/2020): yes, i DID finish the show and almost immediately begin a rewatch. this series is now one of my top five most formative things, and the amount of love and respect i have for it is incalculable. that said: i once again did not love how the central conflict of Future was resolved (just the resolution--i loved the finale just fine). for all of Steven’s breakdown was built up, resolving it with “EVERYONE HUG HIM UNTIL HE CRIES” felt...cheap, especially since up until this point the show had been so good about treating trauma and mental illness with the respect and nuance it deserves. it made me wish some of the earlier, less substantial episodes had been cut so we could spend more time at the end.

What It Is (comic, finished 8/19/2020): y’all i love Lynda Barry SO MUCH. for the longest time i was worried that One Hundred Demons was more a lightning in a bottle situation but every book of hers i pick up makes me feel obscure emotions i didn’t even realize existed. the compassionate way she’s able to describe her child self and how weird and fucked up she was (and still is) is honestly aspirational.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (TV, 5 seasons finished 9/26/2020): so here’s a reversal of what i’ve been complaining about with other shows: i was mostly lukewarm-to-warm about She-Ra, but the later seasons and the finale made me much more into it as a whole. more shows should improve in stakes and overall quality as they age tbh!! i still don’t actively love Catradora (my sole quibble with season 5 actually has to do with the way Adora kept backsliding as a character to make certain Plot/Relationship things happen), but i’m very happy for them nonetheless. i can certainly appreciate a show that will go for High Feeling over tight plot. dark horse standout moments: trees growing everywhere proving that Perfuma Was Right, and Hordak and Adora seeing each other--that weirdly intimate moment of recognition.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters (album, finished 10/7/2020): again i find myself not having much to say that no one else has said. it’s good! once again love it when an artist reclaims something they’d attached with negative affect (anxiety, depression, disordered eating) for better and brighter things.

Solutions and Other Problems (comic, finished 10/25/2020): i was very into Allie Brosh’s ambition with this book, which feels weird to say but i stand by it. it’s cool to see an artist try to make a new medium work for them instead of just sticking to what already works. not all the experimentation was 100% effective, but it was still delightful and occasionally devastating to read, so.

Legend of Zelda (3 games: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Link Between Worlds, finished 11/1/2020): this was the third time i’d played Ocarina of Time, which made it the nice, comforting groove i settled into before Majora’s Mask blatted me in the face. i’m not usually a completionist Zelda person because...the gameplay in Zelda is bad, do not at me it just is, but i really felt like i HAD to be one for Majora’s Mask since the whole point is to get attached to the banalities of the town. i’m sure nobody’s surprised that i loved it, even if it gave me an existential crisis about how life goes on in the game for NPCs when you’re not there to save them from it, and there’s not enough time to save them all all the time (also not a surprise to anyone: Romani and Cremia gave Personal Feelings). Link Between Worlds...bad. not like in a “this is a bad story by every measurable gauge” way, but i was already struggling with the 2D playstyle shift enough that for the whole story to end with some “yes it’s v sad that Lorule is Like This but trying to steal Hyrule’s privilege is Even Worse Actually” noblesse oblige bullshit left a VERY poor taste in my mouth, this year of all years. i did audibly gasp when Ravio took off his mask, though. i’m currently playing Breath of the Wild in cautious increments; it’s the first time i’ve enjoyed early Zelda gameplay, but if they wanted fully voiced cutscenes i wish they got voice actors who...knew what words sound like.

folklore (album, finished 11/6/2020): my belief that Taylor Swift is Just Fine continues, i’m afraid. i LIKED this album, don’t get me wrong, and respect her constant drive to innovate, but i didn’t love it substantially more or less than any other Taylor Swift album. mostly i’m just tickled by how she thinks leaning into the indie aesthetic means borrowing Vita Sackville-West’s entire wardrobe, though i will admit to feeling Something when she swore in a song. i think it was like. savage vindication?? you go ahead and swear, Taylor Swift. you deserve it.

Shore (album, finished 11/19/2020): do people still care about the Fleet Foxes? i think there was some Drama with Josh Tillman a while back but i don’t remember where the discourse landed with who was being more problematic. it was nostalgic for me to listen to their new album--made me remember being an undergrad who exclusively listened to men who mumbled and played acoustic guitar all over again.

Star Wars (3 movies: original trilogy, finished 11/27/2020): there is So Much bad Star Wars these days that every time i rewatch the original trilogy i’m afraid that they will suddenly be bad, but guess what! they’re not. i love these children and their hot mess stories, i love that Lando doesn’t know how to say his best friend’s name. what stood out to me this time was the way Obi-Wan described the Force in A New Hope, which strongly implied that ANYONE can be Force Sensitive; that obviously faded with each subsequent movie, but part of me does wish they’d kept it.

X of Swords (comics, 22 issues finished 12/5/2020): i am enjoying Hickman’s X-lines!!! not so much here for the Grand Conspiracy or whatever, but the character work and highkey weirdness is fabulous--they FEEL like X-Men, despite all the shakeups in-universe. this crossover is a nice microcosm of all that: grandiloquently all over the place, but still full of cool standout moments and genuine hilarity. ILLYANA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL MAGIC.

Fire Emblem (4 games: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, finished 12/14/2020): this was the thing that i was closest to giving up early on, but i ended up hyperfixating on it instead. that’s a credit to what the gameplay does to my lizard brain more than anything else, because the story and character writing is...insipid. it was very bizarre to witness this franchise blunder around with its animal-people racism allegory around the same time i was getting back into RWBY, and ITS animal-people racism allegory blunders. Awakening was the first time i felt anything for the franchise beyond “teehee red units disappear make exp bar go up and brain go ding,” so i’m excited for more mature storytelling in subsequent games (they MUST get better. they MUST). the child husbandry thing is...very bad tho, and Apotheosis being “challenging” entirely through the game changing all the rules is also bad.

once again no vidya games that came out this year--i’ll probably pick up Spiritfarer or Hades after the New Year, though (or maybe TLOU II! but probably not. sry Laura and Ashley). more TV and franchises this year, which made me feel In Touch with the Children but was also kinda exhausting. nothing was so egregiously terrible i dropped it without finishing! in a year like this that feels almost like an accomplishment

Since I seem to be in a really positive mood today and even though this show clearly doesn't deserve this post here's my list of favorite skam france s6 clips:

Samedi 07:52 The day after ep1: I really really loved the first clip of the season a lot more than the trailer and I think that it was such a great introduction to Lola's pov. We really saw the world through her eyes in such a special way in that moment n I loved all the hints to the plot (same sex couple walking down the street and being viewed as completely normal> w|w storyline with no internalized homophobia; the raccon tag > foreshadowing for otteli and urbex plot; lola photographing broken things > insight into lola's feelings) The cinematography and use of pov was a masterpiece in this one.

Lundi 7:43 Tiff ep1: This one is just here for the grew being the most supportive and loving friend group, skipping classes together to take care of Daphné and that group hug <33 need I say more?? No. Every clip with the grew is gonna be on this list because the little screen time they had this season needs to be honoured. I'm sorry that they did you so dirty babes:((

Mercredi 13:03 Fuck the planet ep1: my absolute favorite mayla clip this season!! one of my absolute favorite clips in general!! I still remember the day when they dropped that clip and I got so excited for this season again. Maya being a climate activist and such a warm and lovely person I immediately fell in love with her. Maya looking at Lola as if she's a princess walking down the stairs to a ball in some fairy tale. Maya not letting Lola's cold remarks throw her off n replying with equal sass instead, Maya's iconic coming out line and Lola smiling for the first time all season!! That clip was really off the charts

Vendredi 16:43 Someone exceptional ep1: This is my absolute favorite clip of the whole season and the amount of times I've rewatched this is actually unhealthy. Something just clicked and for the first time I felt really connected with Lola and felt and understood her pain (probs to Flavie she was amazing here) I loved the lil details abt this clip: Lucas playing the piano, le grew all hugging Daphné, Daphné's speech and break down (lula was amazing here too I really really felt connected to Daphné in that moment), Eliott and Lola meeting for the first time (their best clip this season, gosh the potential they had to actually develop such a cool and beautiful sibling relationship with them and then they did.... whatever the rest of their storyline was), Lola trying so hard to read Daphné's speech and then holding her own instead because she so desperately needs to get this off her chest and make ppl understand her and last but not least the cinematic shots of her running out of the church and breaking down. Truly my favorite clip.

Mercredi 12:56 You don't know me ep2: my second favorite mayla clip and hell did I love their dynamic and chemistry in this one. The community service clips were so so special and gave them such unique vibes I'm so sad that the rest of their storyline really couldn't live up to that because the beginning really was breathtaking and I was so here for their storyline and really believed that I would get the w|w rep I deserve this season. Rip

Jeudi 19:33 Sorry ep2: Daphné and Lola finally warming up to eachother, both of them apologizing, Lola saying that she can make dinner and they can watch one of Daphné's favorite tv shows together. Baby steps. Also Daphné grieving and smelling her mother's shirt to find comfort. Such an important clip!!

Vendredi 22:22 Otteli ep2: Again the opening shots and cinematography of this clip!! Lola meeting la mif for the first time and I was completely buying their found family dynamic from the start, maya and lola being 👀 the entire time and last but not least Eliott being introduced as urbex legend n royalty,, the wasted potential of that storyline tho...

Samedi 6:43 An awesome party ep3: again maya's and lola's chemistry in this one and their first real and deep conversation, maya opening up about her parents and how she found a home and family in la mif, their smiles and laughs and lola replying to Daphné's text messages because that's growth baby!

Lundi 7:53 The slap ep3: again just here for le grew, the way they all pulled daphné in for a group hug I'm cryinnn. Also Lucas telling the people who were gossiping abt Lola to turn around and mind their own business, dare I say iconic. the way we could have had it all this season and then skamfr decided to make them enemies. Hate it here

Samedi 13:18 Hangover ep4: this clip being a parallel to the beginning of ep2, we all believed that Lola went out and slept with another stranger and would feel lost and overwhelmed again and then! we and she found out that she's at maya's n instead of being lost again she completely openes up to Maya abt her life and Maya just holds her and Lola clings onto her as if her life depends on it and finds comfort in Maya. Still crying about this one

Mardi 21:43 You want to talk about it? ep4: I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I've rewatched this clip countless of times simply because seeing Eliott so happy and excited at his workplace has me feeling some type of way. I liked his and Lola's general dynamic in this one my main problem is just that it was so damn underdeveloped and came out of nowhere. Skam france you're a transmedia show text messages would have really helped you bby!!

Samedi 14:23 Luquette ep5: ohh out of all the clips with Eliott in it this one's definitely my favorite (and also one of the only ones I liked) both Eliott and Lola getting to speak for themself abt their mental health, seeing Eliott's development going from being ashamed and hiding his mental illness to now being so open about it and giving others advice, them talking about Eliott's Lucas and Lola's Luquette (🥺) Eliott being ready to run from Daphné with Lola and Lola saying that she's gonna take responsibility and Eliott looking like a proud big brother > the only clip with sibling vibes of them this season

Samedi 17:36 Just a girl ep5: Daphné and Lola reconciling, Daphné wanting to buy Lola picture frames and not letting that go even tho they have so little money and she sorts other stuff out instead. Please their sister bond this season has my heart. And also Maya and Lola at that supermarket gay panic energy at its finest. I loved that clip and that even after what happened last Friday Maya is still such a warm and loving person in that clip. Ugh why did they had to ruin her character later that season??☹

Mercredi 18:49 I miss you ep5: in case y'all are wondering if I'm just gonna put every single mayla clip on that list- don't worry this one is gonna be the last in a while. Anyway back to the good old days lamifex hanging all out together and being literal children together <33 mayla finally getting to talk and Maya explaining herself, showing Lola her scars and telling her that she misses her when she's not around. My heart combusted watching that clip

Lundi 12:35 We are even ep6: le grew studying together!! especially lucas and imane!!!! screaming. the only time we ever got to see them preparing for the bac but at least we have this one clip. Basile and Lola sibling dynamic and also the clip confirming that Daphné indeed has an eating disorder and Lola beginning to be really worried about her

Mercredi 18:27 I don't know what you're looking for ep6: Lola finding out about Daphné's eating disorder and finding proof in her room, Daphné freaking out and the last shots of her trying so hard not to fall apart, lula's acting in this scene!! It was all so realistic it truly is one of the top ten clips too

Jeudi 21:53 It won't always work ep6: Daphné and Lola talking and Lola opening up abt her addiction problems and telling Daphné that she can really really understand her and that both of them can get better again, Lola and Daphné being completely at peace and cuddling on the couch and watching tv together. One of my favorite clips of them this season I just love their sister bond so much

Mercredi 16:52 The break up ep7: both Lula's and Paul's acting was incredibly I was 100% buying that break up, Basile desperately wanting to help Daphné but not really knowing how, Daphné throwing him out and immediately having a break down, feeling so helpless and lost :'(( also Lola seeing her sister breaking down and not knowing how to help her either broke my heart. Protect the Lecomte sisters at all costs

Dimanche 18:32 Freesias ep8: for me this one was the true full cycle moment this season. The Lecomte family visiting their mum on mother's day, Lola revealing that she does know her favorite flowers and that her mum used to sent them to her along with letters she never read, Lola saying that if she could she might read them now but it's too late for that and in some kind of way she was making peace with her mum and everything that happened between them. Daphné taking the umbrella so Thierry can pull Lola close and them just standing in the rain and healing n growing as a family!! This clip was so emotional and important and skamfr had the audacity to destroy all that development with Thierry for useless drama. I'm endlessly bitter

Mardi 18:03 Vital prognosis ep8: just daphné, basile, lola and maya being a happy lil family together. This clip was so peaceful and beautiful to watch every time ep9 ruined my mood I went back to this clip to cheer myself up again. Really wish we could have seen more of them together and maya and lola as a couple

Vendredi 23:04 Emergency ep10: okay so I really didn't like that skamfr switched povs to build up suspense and was actually just triggering for many of us. But I just wanna say Lula's acting!!! The way she said "But how do you know we're going to find her, Lucas? Putain! She has never left a note before this is the first time for all we know" truly her acting!! I rewatched that clip so many times for that line alone (until I realized that the storyline was actually really triggering for me so I haven't watched the clip ever since but still)

Samedi 01:06 Sisters ep10: still hate the storyline and that it was done in episode 10 but I'm sooo glad that Daphné went to talk to Lola alone, that Daphné tells her that she's always loved her and basically everything they said in that clip!! Really moving and emotional one of the only clips that really made me cry this season. Again I live for Flavie's and Lula's acting

Mercredi 16:38 Beep beep beep ep10: even tho the mayla storyline was in context of the season really lacking depth at this point, watching this clip ignoring the context really was a cultural reset. One thing I love abt skam france is just that they let lgbt people live their lives without having homophobia being thrown at them left and right so kissing your gf in the middle of the supermarket like that might not be realistic but I don't care!!!!! let the gays live their life and kiss in the supermarket!!! thanks!! also that song especially the lyrics "darling I won't let you go" thoughts are being thunk💌

And yeah basically that's it. As yall may notice I loved the first half of the season way more than the second half and I feel like there was so much wasted potential and important storylines left unaddressed because they wanted to throw in more drama....

Black Gold (CH Fanfic)

(Hey guys, gals, nonbinary pals! So, I’ve been working on a fanfiction book called “Black Gold.” This is just Chapter One. I hope you enjoy!) Chapter One November 5th, 2019; 11:37 A.M .“Come on, Dad! Blowing up coal deposits has always been our tradition!” Wyoming said to America. “You literally let me blow up my first coal deposits when I was 100 years old!” She then said, her arms now crossed as she looked up at America. “I know, but now it’s far too dangerous Wy. Your people have been using C4 for crying out loud!” America replied firmly, looking back at his daughter. “Yeah, I know, but it’s really fun!” Wyoming retorted. “Besides, it’s not like I can get hurt from the explosions,” she then added. America was still uncertain. His daughter-- one of many he had, along with sons-- was very risk-taking because she could always lose her life. “Hey, Wy! I think we found a new deposit!” Colorado suddenly called out from one of the towers, which loomed over a giant hole on the side of a mountain. “Awesome! Bring a sample to me!” Wyoming called back. “You do seem to have a lot of coal deposits around here,” America noted. “Obviously. I’m known for coal, dad! Especially around these parts!” Wyoming said proudly. “Here’s the sample, sis!” Colorado said. “Uhm, Colo? That’s not coal.” “Well, then what is it? It can’t be anything else.”America studied it and realized what it was. “Why, this is oil!” he said proudly. “Oil?! What? But I’m known for coal! Not oil!” Wyoming said. “Texas and Alaska cover the oil, don’t they? I can’t take their places! They’re the biggest states for crying out loud!” She sounded freaked out because of the whole situation. “Hey, don’t worry, Wy. you won’t take their places. You’ll be joining them in their ranks,” America replied. “Besides, only we know about it. Well, your grandfather as well since he’s currently visiting to see how you’ve all been,” America muttered, giving the sample back to Colorado. “Now, come along. We have to get you approved to be a member of OPEC.” Wyoming stopped in her tracks. “What’s OPEC?” She asked. “I mean, I’ve heard of it mainly because of Venezuela speaking about it with you, but what does it even stand for?”“Well, it’s simple really: Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries.” “So, where does the oil part come in?” “Petroleum is oil, Wyoming. It’s the scientific term for it. I thought you knew that already.” “Well, I never knew I had petroleum in the first place, so there.” America just let out a soft chuckle. “Come along, champ. We have to get you into OPEC now,” he said, leading Wyoming out to their car. “Oh, can I drive?” “If you’re British and drive on the passenger side, sure.” “Dad!” OPEC Headquarters: Vienna, Austria, 5:35 P.M. “Hey, Russia! Get in here! You’re going to love this!” Iran called out of the Meeting Room. Russia sighed. “What is it now? Can’t you see I’m busy?” Russia asked as he walked in. He looked up from the ground to see Iran balancing on a thin wire that looked nearly invisible. “Iran. I’m trying to work. I don’t need your preposterous distractions,” Russia said firmly, his arms crossed as he held a giant folder of paperwork from the OPEC leaders in his arms. “Oh, come on, mi amigo! Live a little! Life just isn’t about working!” Venezuela commented with a smile on his face. “Russia’s right, you two. We can’t just get so easily distracted from work. America will be very disappointed in us if he finds us fooling around,” Saudi Arabia said formally. Iran hopped down from the wire with an annoyed sigh. “Fine,” he said reluctantly. “We’ll get back to work. That was really impressive though, Corrí,” Venezuela said. Corrí was Iran’s name in Venezuela’s native language: Spanish. “Ah, thank you,” Iran said with a smile. “Oh, hey, Austria,” Iran said quietly when Austria entered the room. “Were these two getting easily distracted again?” Austria asked Russia, looking up at him. “Yes, unfortunately,” Russia replied. “Well, their penalties will have to wait. For now, we have to focus on Wyoming; the new, secret member of OPEC that America nor the UK want anyone else to know about, not even us,” Austria said, having everyone sit down as he explained. “As you may know, America and the UK both are the reasons why oil is referred to as ‘black gold’ in the economical world. They’re also the reasons why Alaska, Texas, and Wyoming are a part of the organization, but secretly,” Austria said. “Recently, this morning no less, Wyoming and America struck an oil deposit in Wyoming’s mountainous region.” Austria then pulled down a diagram of a map of the United States, showing the land formations, all fifty small and large states, and many other qualities the United States shared with many other countries on the face of the planet. He then grabbed a stick that looked as though he was conducting an orchestra, pointing to where Wyoming’s land was. “I’m sure you all remember that Wyoming is located on the Western side of the United States. Oil is very uncommon here, but not impossible,” Austria explained. “There are currently 18,000 estimated oil rigs taking the oil from her land. Now, if we want oil ourselves, then we must put or own oil rigs within the region.” this whole idea provoked a comment from Libya, one of the African countries in the OPEC organization. “Yeah, sure!” Libya said with a laugh. “That’ll definitely work! We won’t get arrested or classified as war criminals because of this whole preposterous plan!” Austria glared at Libya. “Quiet. Do you want oil or not? We can cut off the trade routes to your own country for oil, you know.” “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Dr. Austria.” “I’m not a doctor! I’m a psychologist!” “That’s still a doctor, Austrian wanker!” “That’s enough you two!” Indonesia said from his side of the table. “If we want this oil, why not just ask America to sell it to us? It’s the only reasonable option. Stop trying to break and enter into a government site!” Iraq looked at the group. “He’s right,” he said. “Breaking and entering could get us killed, especially if you have someone like me or Venezuela, who are war criminals.” “Fine. Nigeria, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Austria, Saudi Arabia, and Russia: you’re all going to Salt Creek Field in Wyoming. That’s where the oil is supposedly located based on our sources,” Ecuador said firmly. “The rest of us will stay behind and make sure neither America nor the United Kingdom gets here to hear of our plans to steal oil.” The six chosen all nodded. They were all sent to the warehouse for tactical gear and weapons just in case things went south or if someone found them in the act. After getting everyone ready (and finding Russia the right tactical gear), they were all being loaded into a bulletproof truck. Of course, the truck had to be bulletproof. Paranoia could reach anyone at any time. “Saudi, you seem out of it. You okay?” Russia asked his ally. Saudi Arabia looked at Russia from his side of the truck. “Oh, yeah... Yeah, I’m alright,” Saudi Arabia said hastily, fiddling with a small string he always brought with him. “Are you sure? You’re never this quiet.” “I’m sure. Thank you for asking, though.” After that, everyone was silent. A couple of the ones who were sent out began falling asleep. Russia was one of them. The only person who stayed awake was Saudi Arabia. He was never a sleeper; never could be in a million years. As he waited for someone to arise from their slumber, he watched the sunset over the Mediterranean Sea. It wouldn’t be the last time, right? Hopefully not. Saudi Arabia hoped it wasn’t the last time he saw the sun. He hoped his paranoia was wrong. He hoped. And hoped. And hoped. Salt Lake Creek, Wyoming, 12:30 A.M. All five of the members reached the location with no troubles, thankfully. “Alright. We have to be as quiet as possible. Remember that,” Algeria said to the others in a hushed voice. “Be careful, too. America always has guards around the oil rigs. Take them out if needed.” The others nodded and split up. Saudi Arabia took the Northern Area of the Creek with Russia next to him. The two were heavily skilled fighters, so if they were caught, they had little to worry about. “Russia. Take out those guards on the East. I’ll take them out on the West,” Saudi Arabia said quietly. Russia nodded. Saudi Arabia snuck towards what he assumed were guards until he got closer and he heard America talking to someone. “Oh, come on, Dad!” The voice said. They had a very Southern accent Saudi Arabia only heard from America when he was in one of his multiple phases. “What’s with all of that paranoia? I reckon you’re hidin’ something, but I know you wouldn’t hide anythin’ from me!” America chuckled at the voice. “Well, you know me, Texas. Your dad’s gotta keep secrets from you and your siblings just in case something goes wrong. I can’t have you all in grave danger that could’ve been prevented,” he replied, clapping Texas on the back. Texas! That one cowboy kid! Saudi Arabia knew it! He kept listening to their conversation until Russia came up next to him. “What’s taking you so--” Saudi Arabia covered Russia’s mouth immediately. “What was that?” Texas asked, turning in the direction of Saudi Arabia and Russia. “What was what?” America asked. “Did you hear something?” “Well, more or less of someone,” Texas replied. The clicking of his boots got closer and closer as he steadily went to the sound. He found both Russia and Saudi Arabia. “Ah. Two old enemies of my old man, huh?” Texas said, a smirk on his face as he tilted his cowboy hat up. “Let me get a good look at y’all,” he then said, studying the two. “Texas, who are you..” America trailed off when he saw Saudi Arabia and Russia. “You two. What in God’s name do you want now, you heathens?!” America said angrily, glaring at his old enemies. “W-We didn’t want anything--” Saudi Arabia started. He was cut off by America. “Security! We have a breach!” He said to the guards. Three guards came and arrested both of them. “Let go of us!” Russia said angrily. “We did nothing wrong!” America scoffed. “Say that to your little buddies, Russian spy,” he said bitterly. The guards brought in Austria, Algeria, Iran, and Nigeria. “No! You don’t understand!” Saudi Arabia said, struggling to get out of the handcuffs. “Sure I don’t,” America retorted. There seemed to be nothing but arguing until a gun was fired and Texas was on his knees, holding his blood-stained leg tightly. “Texas!” America said, kneeling next to his son. “Who did this?!” He suddenly screamed at the six. Nobody answered. “Fess up, or you’re all getting executed!” America shouted. “It was me!” Saudi Arabia suddenly said. “I shot him!” Russia looked at his friend in shock. “Saudi, what are you doing?! This is suicide!” Austria said desperately, looking at him. “It was me,” Saudi Arabia said. America smirked. “Finally. Some truth out of all of you. Guards! Let the other five go. Keep Saudi Arabia in a cell until further notice,” America then commanded. Russia caught Saudi Arabia’s eye one last time. Saudi Arabia just simply waved goodbye, knowing all hope he had of seeing the sun again was lost forever. It was all over for him. European Union Headquarters: Brussels, Belgium, 8:30 A.M. “Good morning, UK!” Germany said with a smile to his ally. The United Kingdom looked up from his paperwork. “Good morning, Germany,” he replied calmly, sitting next to Germany as he quickly put his paperwork away. “Another meeting… Fun,” Germany said sarcastically. The UK chuckled. “Yeah, well at least we don’t have to sit next to Spain,” he replied jokingly. “If we did, this would be a bloody--” The UK was cut off by his lover and best ally: France. “Bonjour, Royaume-Uni and Allemagne!” She said happily, sitting next to the UK. “Good morning, dear,” the UK replied with a smile. “Good Morning, Frankreich,” Germany replied, fixing his glasses. Everything seemed perfectly normal until Germany noticed his brother, Austria, wasn’t next to him like he was supposed to be. “Polen, have you seen Austria anywhere?” Germany asked, turning to look at Poland. Poland looked up from his paperwork. “No. Why? Is he late?” the Polish asked. Germany nodded. “He could be running errands, Niemcy.” “Most likely. Or he got in trouble again. I wouldn’t be surprised if Vater held him back for getting in trouble.” “The Weimar Republic? Being strict? Thought I’d never see the day!”Germany chuckled, but immediately stopped when the European Union leaders walked into the room with the European Union. The man himself. “We have unfortunate news to bring upon all of you this morning,” the EU announced. “As you may or may not know, Salt Creek Lake in the mountainous state of Wyoming was broken into last night. Six suspects were found, five of them were freed. If you have not yet noticed, Austria was one of those suspects.” The UK, France, and Germany all tensed. People they cared about were in danger. In grave, grave danger. “The one suspect that was not freed is a war criminal you may know of: Saudi Arabia,” the EU continued, looking mainly at the three. “There will be more information given to us of the matter as this meeting continues. If there is an important detail or one that is just important to you, please come to my office immediately after this meeting. We will speak of the situation from there and figure out what you need to know.” Shortly after the meeting, the UK, France, and Germany were all walking-- well, running in Germany’s terms-- to the EU’s office. They had to know. Was everyone okay? Were there guns involved? Will there be anyone held responsible? (I hope you guys like it so far! Let me know what you think!)

And now a list of things I would really love to see addressed/explored in Steven Universe season 6:

> Spinel and the Diamonds’ relationship post-movie! I don’t think they’ll mesh together completely at first, all four of them have to re-learn how to care for someone else, and the Diamonds especially have a lot of work to do in really understanding other gems and treating them well. I would love to see an ep where Steven visits Spinel and she admits she’s had problems adjusting but is afraid to speak up about it, and he helps her come to a better understanding with the Diamonds.

> What the HECK happened with Pearl/Pink Pearl, their whole situation, etc. Even if our Pearl wasn’t WD’s to start with, WD definitely inherited Pink’s old Pearl. Why? Why did she take her Pearl away? Where is Pink Pearl now?

 > More of Little Homeworld! This one seems obvious but I’m just really hype for it. I think what is going to be the main theme for LH plays in Amethyst’s section of Happily Ever After and I love the tune. I want more gem backstories and relationships to get screen time!

> Jasper, of course! I saw one post that had the idea she’s on Watermelon Island and I think that would be a really interesting and funny route to go with her. And fitting too! The Watermelon Stevens just reconciled after being divided into Peace/Fight factions, so maybe that’s a good sort of environment for Jasper? Away from Steven and the other gems she’s hurt, but not totally isolated?

> Peridot fusion! Lapis seems like the most likely candidate, and I would LOVE that honestly, I think it would represent something really good for how far they’ve both come both as individuals and as a close pair of friends. I’d love to see Peridot fuse with anyone though (still sad we got teased for her and Garnet fusing but it never happened!!) Honestly, any new fusions including her, Lapis, or even Bismuth would be awesome to see.

> At least one more ‘story for Steven’ where we get to hear about Greg and Rose’s relationship. Especially after the movie, I think it would be really meaningful to have at least one last look at Rose after she started a serious relationship with Greg. We’ve seen a LOT of Rose when she was still PD, and during/after the rebellion. But really, we know so little about her time with Greg before she has Steven. I would really love to meet the Rose she became, the Rose who grew more as a person in the few short years she spent with Greg than the thousands of years she’d existed prior. 

> On the topic of Rose: how/when/why she decided to have Steven! I think at this point it’s a common theory that Rose knew she would ‘disappear’ when she had Steven because she asked Garnet to peek into the future to see if it was possible. But I would still really love to see her and Greg coming to that decision together, and maybe the aftermath of understanding the full weight of that choice if they go through with it... There’s honestly still so much we don’t know about Rose in that time of her life.

> More of Greg and Steven hanging out, honestly! They’re so precious together, and I feel like Greg’s had to take a bit of a backseat recently. Need some more good dad time ;w; Especially if it means we get more Steg! I said it before, but I would LOVE to see them fuse in a low-stress situation so we could really get to know Steg’s personality better. 

> Maybe more gems from off-planet! Not Homeworld gems either - gems from other colonies. How much have the reforms to gem society affected them? Are there any gems who dislike the way things are now? How do they function in a universe where every gem is meant to be treated equally, and doesn’t have to only act in the way they’ve been designed? I don’t know how likely this would be to explore, given the possibilities are kind of endless and it would take a lot of time to cover the subject in a satisfying way, but it’s cool to think about. 

> Steven still clearly has like... a lot of anxiety about his role in everything, and a desperation made clear in the movie for things to just... Settle Down. I know a point within the movie is that there is always more work to do, but I’d like some good Steven Relaxation Time, or at least more adults/gems acknowledging that Steven has to deal with a lot of shit (now on a truly galactic scale). Basically the plot of “We Need To Talk” but it’s not just Amethyst realizing he doesn’t deserve to have to deal with everyone else’s baggage all the time and telling him as much, haha. Just support the boy... show him he’s loved.