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#but it's still about valuing the love you have while it's there. because it can be lost so so easily.
chilpilled · 1 day
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one of the things i love most about the relationship between chilchuck and laios is that though they have vastly different outlooks, they still respect and engage with the others opinion. their relationship is one formed on the basis of deep mutual trust and respect. chilchuck doesnt hesitate to tell laios whats on his mind, and laios values his opinion and knows that chilchuck will be honest and blunt with him!! its easy to play it off as chilchuck being mean or a hater, but hes shown to really do care and be willing to actually engage with laios‘ ideas, like when he actually started second guessing himself about the mermaids. most of chilchucks criticisms are valid and laios knows that! thats why he trusts him and follows his advice.
laios doesnt understand why eating fishmen would be wrong, and though chilchuck cant really articulate it, laios immediately accepts it when he says its just a matter of feelings, while on the other hand, chilchuck actually does end up second guessing those feelings that he had, too. he kept quiet for marcilles benefit but he also ate the eggs himself and reconsidered his own stance. hes genuinely willing to engage with laios‘ ideas even if they go against his instincts! (as is shown in basically every single chapter)
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especially considering the impact the shuro situation had on laios and how much he struggles with people lying to him and only pretending to understand, i think its nice that he has someone he can rely on to be honest with him and just tell him what he thinks. thats what laios asks of chilchuck when he goes to confront the demon, too. he wants chilchuck to bring him back to his senses, because he trusts him, and he knows that chilchuck will be the one person who would know what to say. and they didnt get the opportunity to actually try this plan, but i think the scene where chilchuck convinces laios to go back up to the surface again is all you need to know about why the winged lion isolated him.
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birdbrainedboy · 2 days
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I’m obsessed with this show and fear a hyperfixation anyways here are my thoughts on every character in the show
Edwin Paine: forever my favorite, even back before the show when I read the comics! I think it’s funny that basically every man in the show wants him? I’m intrigued by his character arc throughout the story regarding his sexuality as despite dying in 1916, he seems to have had time to slowly become more accepting of gay people (I’m guessing in part due to Charles, who is pansexual), to the point where there’s only mild internalized homophobia if at all, which just exhibits itself in him denying any possible feelings for Monty. I love how face-value and logical he is while still being a sweetheart
Charles Rowland: he has a pan flag pin on his jacket which confuses me bc can ghosts only wear clothes they would’ve worn when they were alive, or how do ghost clothes work? Because he died in 1989 and I’m near positive he didn’t wear that pin back there. Anyways I do love him but I wonder about some design choices, like the one earring (not sure why it just kinda annoys me). That was more a rant abt his design than his character, which I have nothing notable to say abt since I LOVE HIM he’s so real
Crystal Palace: sometimes she was a bit annoying the way she was trying way too hard to pry into everyone’s lives, but honestly that was just momentary annoyance since nothing could make me hate her. I love how her past was slowly revealed (as someone who already knew it from the comics) and how she came to terms with the person she used to be vs the person she is now. She’s so cool!
David the demon: honestly kind of caught me off guard at first bc the person I’m dating is named David but I actually enjoyed his character. LOVED when Crystal dealt with him in the end. He was very interesting
Niko Sasaki: I love Niko, but I have some problems with her character. First of all, I feel like ditsy anime-loving cutesy Asian girl with dyed hair is a weirdly common trope? But whatever my main issue is that it feels like characters who normalize the fetishization of gay men are so common. Like if Niko had been a guy obsessed with lesbian manga evb would be weirded out, so why is it different? If we ignore all of this tho I absolutely adore her and I’m actually praying she’s in the next season bc she was one of my favorites (esp her relationship w Edwin)
Jenny: She is so hot and cool and funny I’m in love with her
Esther: oh my god words cannot come close to describing how much I love her character. She felt powerless and weak in the past and now she’s become obsessed with making sure nobody has that power over her ever again. She was so fun and I loved her attitude! I’m sure she won’t show up next season, as she was the main antagonist of s1, and while I love her, I kind of hope she doesn’t since I think her arc was finished.
Monty: His personality was like 2020 “soft boy” who acts nice and dumb but is lowkey a manipulator. So obviously this kind of made me like ☠️ bc why is he acting like that… but I still love him to bits because he’s just a crow guys he didn’t ask to be human,, Anyways yeah his personality annoys me but also I love him so much so? It’s confusing. ITS COMPLICATED. I will cry if he’s not in s2
Kingham and Litty: I honestly thought they were annoying but I can’t lie they were so fucking funny. Every time they were on screen I laughed.
Cat King: oh my god. He is so camp. I love him. There’s honestly not much to say he is simply iconic. Love how he’s afraid to be alone so chases after other people, he’s so real AGHH I love him
Night Nurse: Ruth Connell the woman you are… 😍 she reminds me of Muriel from Good Omens, in a way, and I love her! I really hope we get to see more of her in relation to the guy in the fish, and see her get to better understand human emotions and why they choose to cling onto the human world rather than pass on!
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cosmicjoke · 3 days
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Do you think that Levi has abandonment issues/fears and worries about being a burden to others? I don't know if these count as social anxiety, but there are a few scenes in the anime that I think of as social anxiety.
One of them is in the 3Season when Eren says "little old man" while swinging a fist at Historia's mutated father. I heard Yams say about that scene that Levi thought "I wonder if this is how they see me". I think he was offended.
And what makes me think that he has abandonment or being left behind issues is that both years later when he asks Kenny why he left him, and in the manga when Levi is injured and clinging to the sides and trying to walk and Armin tells him that he shouldn't get up because he's injured, Levi says "if I lie on that thing any longer, you guys will completely forget that I exist". I think this dialog was changed in the anime.
And later on, when the others are fighting, Levi looks at his injured knee and talks about being a burden to them.
I'm sure there are a few more scenes like that but I don't remember them now. But when we add them up, I think it's probably Levi's worry that he's a burden to others in any way, that people might abandon him because he's not good enough. I think it's because of the childhood trauma of Kenny abandoning him as a child. Child Levi was there thinking that Kenny had left him because he wasn't good enough.
I also me too think that Levi doesn't care whether other people like him or not, but on the other hand, I think that he believes that he is worthy of their love by trying to prove that he is a successful person, a useful person in the eyes of the people he cares about. But first of all this is my opinion. Canonically this may not be the case in reality. But I think he cares a little bit about what people think about him. I can say this both for Eren's example and for his height. I think he might be a little insecure about his looks.
I do think Levi has abandonment issues, yes. That's a little different than what I was talking specifically about, which is whether Levi is concerned with coming across as "likable" to others, and adjusting his behavior to make himself seem more likable in social settings. I don't think Levi cares much about that, just like I don't think he cares if he gets any sort of praise or recognition for his heroic acts. He's a hero precisely because he doesn't engage in acts of heroism for himself, but entirely for others.
But I do think Kenny’s abandonment of Levi certainly had an impact on Levi’s sense of self-worth, in the sense that, he taught him that strength was the most important thing, the only thing that mattered, even.  But then he abandoned him, and in doing so, sent Levi the message that there was something inherently lacking in him that caused that abandonment. 
Levi was strong, he’d fulfilled the requirements for Kenny’s approval, but still he was denied it. 
So it had to be something else, something else wrong with Levi that made Kenny leave.  His mere existence wasn’t enough to make him worthy in Kenny’s eyes.  I think that plays into Levi’s belief that if he has nothing to give, then his own life isn’t worth anything, which is what I think the scene between him and Armin on the ship implies. Levi sees himself as a weapon to be wielded. That's where his sense of self-worth lies, and if he isn't able to be used as a weapon, or a tool, if others aren't able to utilize him to their own benefit, then I think Levi feels his own life holds very little value.
Again, because he fulfilled all of Kenny’s requirements, he lived up to Kenny’s standards of being strong, and it still wasn’t enough.  There was something more he needed to be or do in order for his own life to have worth.  Simply being who he was wasn’t enough.  I think when he discovered that he could use his strength to help people, he also began to believe that his ability to give that strength defined his self-worth.  He felt he himself wasn’t enough for other people to value or love, not on his own. It didn’t matter what defined his core personality, it didn’t matter what sort of person he was.  But if he could give people something, if he could offer them something, then maybe that was where his value lay. 
So Levi's sense of self-worth is wrapped up in his ability to help others.
But I think it's also important to understand that a desire to find a purpose for himself, or a sense of worth in himself, isn’t what drives him to help people, isn't what created that desire in Levi. 
What drives him to help people, to be a “hero”, is an innate generosity in him, the sense that, because he has something that no one else does, his exceptional strength, it should be given freely to them.  Isayama spoke about this, and I don't have the direct quote on hand, but he said something along the lines of how, if Levi didn't have his great strength, that would make him just an ordinary man, and he wouldn't be responsible for others. But he does have his great strength, and Levi has the sort of innately compassionate and generous personality that won't allow for him to feel okay with the idea of having something others don't and not sharing it. That has nothing to do with his strength, or even with his belief that in order to be loved, he needs to be useful. It has to do with who Levi is, what type of person he is. That’s what makes him a “slave” to his strength, or a slave to being a hero.  His genuine belief that the possession of that strength makes him responsible for others.  The genuine belief that, if you have something to give, you should give it.
It would be the same as someone who has food, and when they see someone who doesn’t, they feel obligated to give their food to that person, even if it means starving themselves.  Levi feels obligated to share what he has.  He’s a slave to that obligation.  He gives, even when giving what he has is detrimental to himself. 
When I say Levi is a slave to that, that’s what I mean.  He can’t escape his natural compassion. Similarly, I think, to the way Eren, on an opposing end, couldn't escape his natural dissatisfaction with the world and thirst for upheaval and violence.
It’s why Levi’s attempts to keep his distance from others, to avoid the pain of losing people, never works, because Levi just naturally cares about people, in general, even people he doesn’t know well, or at all.  He’s chained down by that natural compassion.  He’s a “slave” to it, in the sense that he can’t break free from it.  He can’t escape it.  No matter how hard he tries, it always drags him back in, and he can’t ever ignore someone in need.  He can’t turn away from that.  That’s being a slave to heroism. That's what Kenny means when he asks Levi, "What are you, a hero?". 
That's why I constantly talk about how selfless Levi is, and the tragedy inherent to that selflessness. He doesn't help people because he wants to feel better about himself, or because he wants recognition, seeking attention as a means to boost his ego or social standing, or even because he wants to be loved. He helps people because of a genuine and pure desire for them to be okay, and feeling with his strength that he has the means to help, he in turn feels he owes it to them to help.  Again, that feeling exists in him because he’s an inherently empathetic person. He has a great ability to connect with other people’s feelings, on a fundamental level.  So it's important to understand that it isn't Levi's strength that makes him compassionate, or his strength which makes him a hero. It's his heart. Whether he was strong or not, he would still care about people, he would still wish to help people. Kenny believed one could only be compassionate if they were strong, but it's not the ability to help that makes one compassionate, it's the desire. And with Levi, we see that demonstrated at the very end, as he, wheelchair-bond, is still doing his best to better people's lives, and it's got nothing to do with his strength.
Where his sense of self-worth ties into that, and how that self-worth impacted by this feeling of obligation, is that, in his view, his only worth is in his ability to give, in him having something to give, and if he doesn’t, then his life is worthless.  That’s also what makes him a tragic figure.  He doesn’t realize that his innate empathy and compassion alone make him a worthwhile person.  That it makes him an exceptionally good person, even, and certainly one deserving of love.  He believes that the mere desire on his part to help isn’t enough to mark him out as a person of worth.  He believes that the only thing that would mark him out as such would be him actually being able to help.  This is also part of why it weighs so heavily on Levi when he fails to save lives or protect others.  Because he views that as a failing on his part to give what he has.  It comes into direct conflict with his innate generosity, his natural inclination to give.  It registers to him as fundamentally wrong, having this strength, and not being able to use it to the benefit of others.  It’s why Levi struggled for so long to understand what his strength was even for, because it never seemed right to him that it would only be for himself.
A good comparison to make, in terms of contrast, is between Levi and Reiner, for example. Reiner wanted to be "recognized" as a hero, and he committed horrific acts toward that end, in the hopes of being made an honorary Marleyan, to be hailed as a hero back home. But Levi doesn't want to be "recognized" as a hero, and he never did. He just feels compelled to heroism because he has something other people don't.  Like he’s the custodian of that strength, the keeper of it, but that strength is meant for others, not himself.  This flies directly in the face of what Kenny taught Levi.  Kenny taught Levi that his strength should only be used for his own survival.  That his strength belonged to him and should only benefit him.  That’s why I always say Kenny can’t be credited with Levi’s compassion and kindness.  Levi came to the conclusion that his strength could be used to help others all on his own.  Nobody taught him that.  And his innate compassion and generosity renders him incapable of justifying to himself sitting idly by while others are in need.  That’s why we see Levi so anxious and restless, for example, during the plan to capture Annie in Trost, or again, when he was bedridden before the final battle, but refused to stay there.  That’s where his issues of self-worth tie into his ability to help. He feels it's his duty and responsibility to help, regardless of the consequences to himself, regardless of his actual ability to do so.  We see this most clearly demonstrated during the “Battle of Heaven and Earth”, of course, and why he calls himself a "burden" when he's taken out of the fight with his ruined knee.  Levi is literally half-dead, and he still fights with everything he has, doing himself further, untold harm in the process, eventually sacrificing his body completely, which is how he ends up in a wheelchair at the end.  That’s true selflessness. 
I talk about this in regards to Furlan and Isabel, too. Levi would have had an easier time surviving Underground on his own. Helping Furlan and Isabel would have just meant an added burden to his already struggling existence, two extra mouths to feed, two other people to look out for.  Levi didn't need them. But he helped them anyway, because he's a selfless person. And again, this isn't something he was taught. He was taught the opposite. That's why I talk so much about Levi's nature, and how his goodness is inherent to his nature.
I said this before, but people always say Levi is a slave to his strength, or a slave to being a hero, because he feels he has to use his strength to help people.  But he only feels like he has to use it to help people in the first place because of his natural empathy and compassion.  So really, it would be more accurate to say Levi is a slave to his empathy and compassion. 
I think Levi does carry some insecurities too, about his height, and, as I said, about his social awkwardness. Kenny called him a "midget" and made some other, derogatory remarks about his height, so we can extrapolate from that that Kenny likely made a habit of verbally abusing Levi in that regard, and Levi probably developed insecurities about his height as a result. And yes, I think the scene where Eren calls Rod Reiss a "little old man", and Levi's feelings regarding that, is indicative of an insecurity on his part. So Levi definitely isn't immune to feeling insecure or self-conscious about certain perceived faults of his, or perceived unattractive qualities. I just don't think we ever see those specific insecurities ever have an actual impact on his actions or behavior in general. He doesn't try to please people, or to gain their approval by acting in ways he thinks will ingratiate him. His low sense of self-worth, though, or his belief that he isn't of value if he isn't able to use his strength to help others, is definitely something we see affect him all the time. I think Levi feels, if he isn't useful in some way, if he isn't able to give something to others, than his life is forfeit and he may as well not even exist.
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curatorofvibes · 1 day
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Saturn in the 11th House
Saturn in the 11th / Eleventh House natal. Don’t let astrology limit you, you can be who you dream you are!
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Saturn in the 11th House. That feeling that you can’t “fit in”, especially with your age group. Yearning for a true connection, people who really love you for you and not how you make them feel, what you can give them, or the idea of you. Wanting to be recognized and given your flowers while you’re still here to receive them (give them their props, they tend to feel really unappreciated). Loving being alone as a result of never really feeling like you connect with others or feeling understood. Just hating surface level shit. But wait... Have you ever had a friendship break your heart? Lol but no seriously!? Like I trusted you and I let you in, I showed you the most vulnerable parts of myself and that’s something I never do. It’s like.. How could you? I understand some people don’t really take friendships that seriously and just go around calling anyone and everyone their “friend” and “best friend”, but that shit means a lot to the native with this placement and it’s not just a title. If they consider you a friend they really mean it. Can I be understood and loved for me? You can’t give that to me, so I have no problem giving that to myself. ~♡CuratorofVibes♡
Saturn in the Eleventh House Perfect Description (in my opinion): Saturn In The Eleventh House : The Atheris hispida Snake
Here’s the link to the playlist:
(…)
(At this point just... leave me alone.)
(I don’t know who to trust anymore.)
(“I’d rather have quality than quantity.”)
(I want to be loved for me.)
(Trust Issues.)
(“I like bein’ alone.”)
("Please don't think I'm insecure.")
(I'm surrounded by so many people, yet I feel so alone.)
(Find myself asking: “Is this really what people talk about and value?”)
(“If you go cost my peace, then I go take my leave.”)
(I’ve decided to remain reclusive.)
(I don’t “fit in”, and that’s fine.)
(Far beyond pretending that I need you.)
(“Me, myself and I. That's all I got in the end, that’s what I found out.” - Beyoncé)
(I choose me.)
(Will anyone ever really see me?)
(♄.)
I originally made this post on December 27, 2021 and then I put it on private for reasons that I do not recall. I'm unable to reblog the original and its moodboard, so I've created this new post. I hope whoever indulges in and with this playlist and post enjoys it. I love reading comments, so if you have anything to say about this placement, playlist, and/or post don't be shy (but if you are, send something in the asks lol)! 🤎💫
I would also like to state that I'm not an astrologer, I created this post because of the playlist that I made in relation to this astrological placement and simply wanted to share it with whoever it finds its way to.
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ktaerssoi · 9 hours
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just keep swimming
nika mühl x swimteam!reader
summary: being a swimmer for UConn isn't always easy.
notes: i did NOT mean to make this so angsty, i was literally thinking about something cute while i was writing so idk where this came form. please don't kill me! - kate
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it was hard being on the UConn swim team, not only were the practices grueling, but the meets took hours and hours. this wouldn't be a problem to most, because if you love your sport you would give up almost anything.
and you did love your sport, but you loved your girlfriend even more. which is what made swim meets so difficult. most of the time, it would be from eight a.m. to four p.m.. and it just so happened that nika's game schedule was also within those hours. meaning she usually had a game while you were at your meet, making it hard for you to attend her games.
not to mention she was missing your meets, which wouldn't bother you normally but when it's been happening all season long it sort of gets to you. what if she wasn't coming because she doesn't think it's important?
you knew she had time in the mornings, time that she usually worked out during, but why couldn't she make an exception to see you? you were stressed out, to say the least.
you finally reached your breaking point the night before one of your most important meets against Georgetown.
-
you and nika were curled up together in bed, watching a movie on your laptop. her hands were on your hips, and she slowly started to travel to your back, massaging different parts as you groaned lightly.
"tense for the meet tomorrow? you'll do great baby," she muttered into your ear as she stopped her movements, causing you to turn and face her, the lack of physical contact making you cold.
"you would know if you came to one," you didn't mean for it to come out so harshly, and you watched as her face quickly contorted to one of hurt. "oh im sorry, should i call off my game?" you knew you had hurt her feelings, but she didn't have to come back like that.
"nika you know that's not what i meant." you watch as she sits up a little, biting the inside of her cheek as she crosses her arms over her chest. "okay then, what did you mean? you know i want to go to your little events, i just don't have time."
you roll your eyes at the use of "little events," you knew she didn't value your sport as much as hers, but it still hurt. "little event? that's what i meant, you don't value my things as much as your own! you and i both know that you could make it to the morning part of the meet and keep me company but you just work out with KK!"
you didn't mean to let out your feelings like that, you knew you wanted to talk to her but you hadn't meant to yell. "i'm sorry okay? i don't know what more i can give you." nika wasn't breaking eye contact with you, she wanted to see your complete reaction to her words. it was not a good reaction.
"you're sorry? tell me what you're sorry for. i doubt you could." it's your turn to cross your arms as you stare up at her, her face never showing what she was thinking.
"i'm sorry your silly little pool tricks aren't as important to me as warming up. i'm sorry i have priorities." to say you were unhappy was an understatement. you close the computer that had been playing the movie up until that point, not even knowing how to react to that.
she thought your sport was "silly little pool tricks?" you took a deep breath, nodding. "okay, well then, you can leave then." you weren't slow to notice the scared look on her face. she knew she had messed up, she also knew there may not be a way to come back from this.
"no, c'mon baby, you know it wasn't meant to come out like that. i just, i have other things to be thinking about." you stand up, still heading to the door, opening it for her. "okay, then go think about them. somewhere else."
you weren't thinking, just letting out everything you had been feeling for months. you watched as she nodded, grabbing a few things before walking out of the room and right out the front door. you didn't cry until she left. she thought that little of you?
a few hours later, you got a call from paige.
"hello?" you answered the phone confused, paige never called you. "hey, um i heard about what happened, i wanted to make sure you're okay, nika is all sorts of mixed up." she seemed sincere, which led you to talk to her for almost two hours about the situation. you had felt bad taking up so much of her time.
"it's just, i don't get it, i mean i cheer her on in everything she does. this is the one thing i am the most passionate about, and she barely cares! i just feel shitty, like im less important to her." you had shed a couple of tears in the time you had been on the phone, not knowing who else to talk to.
"mhm, well, i think you should give it some time. don't go reaching back to her, let her come to you. let her know what she's missing." you nod, her words causing you to come up with a plan.
-
UConn won the meet over Georgetown the following day, causing you to go out to dinner with some of your closer teammates. durning your meal you got two messages.
paige 🏀: good job at the meet today! i wish i had time to stop by and watch
nika 😚: hey, can we talk, please? today was really hard and i miss you.
you replied to one message, thanking paige, and letting her know you appreciated her reaching out. you would text nika back later.
you didn't.
instead, you got one too many drinks at dinner and ended up calling paige. you didn't do anything too wild, just, you know, told her everything you had been feeling about nika for the second time. which, wouldn't be an issue had you let her talk when she first picked up. but, because someone is praying on your downfall, you hadn't been made aware that paige was currently with nika.
and nika heard you.
not that big of a deal.
-
it had been almost a week since your horrible phone call with paige. it was friday night, you were trying to wind down for the night, choosing to watch a random movie.
you had done everything to prepare for your swim meet the following morning, it wouldn't be particularly hard, the team not having the best stats by any means.
you fell asleep early that night, missing a text from paige.
"see you at the meet tomorrow morning, bright and early!"
-
you wake up the next morning by putting your phone directly on do not disturb, not bothering to check any messages. you needed to be in the right head space.
you arrived at the pool at 7, getting your events and warming up. your first event was at 8:15, 200 butterfly, it would be easy.
standing on the block, you look up to see paige and nika.
holy fuck. 
the whistle blew almost directly after, and you had a delayed start, causing you to start behind. the whole way back and forth you were thinking about paige and nika.
there was no way you had just seen them, they had a game later, they should be practicing? your thoughts had clouded your mind, and you were lagging behind on the last lap. you caught up quickly, barely pulling through in the last few seconds.
getting out of the water in a huff, you walk over to your teammates, taking off your cap and goggles. as you chat with one of your closer friends you see them again. no way it wasn't them.
you quickly excused yourself to go talk to them.
"paige?" she turns around with a smile on her face, nika not far behind. "hey! we decided to stop by and see what all the hype was about," you nod, looking to see nika holding what looked to be a bouquet of your favorite flowers.
"hype is a reach, but thanks. um, so you watched that?" you flustered thinking about nika watching you struggle so much in a simple 200. "yeah, you were really good, and like super fast. i had no idea it was so complicated, i think you swim faster than i run." you looked as nika stunned, you hadn't thought you did good, but to her it was amazing.
"really? that was like, my slowest time ever, i sucked." you laugh a little, noticing paige slowly slip away to find people she could befriend. "seriously?" you nodded, smiling at her shocked face.
"listen, im sorry about what i said, i was embarrassingly uneducated on this, seriously i thought you just did a little free stroke and left. oh! and here, these are um, for you." you watched as she held up the flowers, taking them with a smile on your face.
"thanks babe, they're beautiful." you take them from her, smirking as you see her cheeks flush. "um, i have another event in like twenty minutes, but if you want to come with me to put these in my locker you can." you guys chat the whole time up until your event, and then the whole time after.
"oh my gosh, what time is your game? and where the hell did paige go?" you grab her wrist as you get on your tippy toes to look around, causing her to laugh. "our game isn't for another two hours, we'll be fine, thought we should get going soon."
you nod, upset that she couldn't stay for the whole day, but understanding that she stayed as long as possible. she found paige a few minutes later, mingling with some other girls on the team. you rolled your eyes as you heard her complain about being in the middle of a conversation, smiling to yourself.
"okay, ill see you guys later. oh and hey, text me when you're done with the game, we can get dinner." you smile, kissing nika on the cheek and hugging paige goodbye as you watch them leave.
you guys would definitely be having a talk at dinner.
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lovezbrownies · 17 hours
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Hello??? I just found your blog and omfg your writing is DELECTABLE 💖 I especially love Red ❤️‍🔥 you don’t have to but if you don’t mind could you share some more info about him? Like maybe some head cannons, please?? It’s up to you though!! Love your work!!!! Have a nice day/night, cheers!
Thank you!!! leajdsjhj, super glad you enjoyed Red, honestly I loved writing down his story :3 I'll probably add more to his character later on! keep in mind he isn't as twisted in this as he was in his intro post but i will write something like sometime in the future.
Yandere!Boss headcanons.
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Masterlist
Red Ludenhart x Reader
Warnings: Obsessive behaviour, murder, torture, suggestive at the very end, but cute overall :3
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~Red is very romantic. You could go out for a coffee run and somehow come back to your apartment covered in roses, balloons, 15 different gifts, and a very horny Red. You really won’t see the end of it! He’s obsessed with you and he will let you and the entire world know. With Red’s income this man can easily rent out an entire restaurant just to have a nice private extravagant dinner with his loved one. Although he is a tad bit crazy if he finds out you’re uncomfortable with him doing that he would bend over backwards just to find out what your preferences are. Red wants you to love him as much as he loves you, so why would he ever try to make you uncomfortable? You make his life better so he’ll make yours perfect.
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~Red is also quite affectionate, an arm always around you, his face nuzzled somewhere on your body, kissing at any spot of skin he can find. He especially loves it when you just randomly go on his lap. Red loves it when you’re on his lap, he loves to completely wrap himself around you, cocooning his little butterfly. If he, for some reason, can’t touch you, rest assured he will grab at your shirt instead, his love and need for affection knows no bounds, really! If Red ever catches you wearing jeans oh lord you’d have to physically pull him away from you because he will put his hands on the back pockets of your jeans. Or he would grab your hand and put it in his own back pockets, he just finds the whole act so cute!
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~Red refuses to go to work if you’re not there. An investor wants to speak to him? Tell them to wait. There’s a storage issue? He’ll deal with it when you two get there. This man would not work without you there even if the Queen told him to. People have come to learn his schedule is your schedule, if they see you’re not there they won’t bother trying to find him. Even when he is there, he will most definitely neglect a lot of his duties in favor of you, pulling you away for an impromptu makeout session, just staring at you like a lovesick puppy; fair warning he will get upset if anyone dares to interrupt his precious time with you.
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~You should be careful if you do go out with him  however, because if Red catches anyone trying to make a move on you he goes absolutely ballistic. While he knows you’re smart enough not to cheat on him, others aren’t. Red cannot handle the fact that other people can perceive how attractive you are, and what’s worse is when they act on their feelings. Red has a tactic for these parasites. Act like it’s okay, get to know the freak, then pay good money to have them kidnapped and tortured for a very long time. He even pays extra for a recording of it! Of course Red has all these recordings well hidden from you and checks you’re nowhere nearby before watching them.
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~Red values family. While he understands if you have a complicated relationship with your family he hopes you can still get along with his. Red’s family is incredibly important to him, some parts of his childhood weren’t the best due to his biological parents, he was thankfully adopted by his new dad, Grim Ludenhart, and given the best childhood possible. Red would let you choose when to meet all of his family, but meeting his biological younger sibling is something you will not be able to skip on. Red values Siolis’ opinion quite a bit– so if they end up not liking you it will hurt him. While it won’t deter him from pursuing a relationship with you, this drift between the two most important people of his life will cause him a great deal of pain. But thankfully Red’s father, Siolis, and the rest of the family did end up approving of your relationship, welcoming you in with open arms.
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~Speaking of families, Red is amazing with children. But does it mean he wants any? No, not necessarily. If you do end up asking him for kids he will gladly provide two, preferably adopting. No more, no less. Red would be a phenomenal father, loving his kids equally and ensuring that anything they want they get. He will keep his job hidden from them up until they are teenagers, by then Red isn’t that worried of the influence his job might have on his kids. Red will buy a big enough house with a huge backyard right before you have kids. This man refuses to skimp out on them, just like his father.
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~Oh boy how excited Red gets in the bedroom. This man is NOT vanilla at all, introducing all types of freaky shit into the bedroom, with your consent of course. Red adores the act. And not in a kinky way at all, he loves how close you two become when you do the deed, how intertwined you are, how you desperately grab at him, how you look just as you’re about to let go, how even after multiple rounds you somehow manage to turn him on once again, causing him to become rock solid before he can even pull out fully. Also want to mention Red definitely has some form of food or mouth kink. This man loves shotgun kisses, the way you cough it up causes his dick to dig straight into your back. He loves to do this with any substance really, if it went from his mouth to yours, or better yet your mouth to his expect a complete mess in his pants.
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~Point is, this man is so loving. While also kind freaky :3.
Lil quick drawing I made of him :3
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forcedhesitation · 7 months
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Man.
there's just something about the love between a woman whose impending death is inevitable and a man who's an immortal undead...
#bg3 spoilers#thoughts about media#starlach is so beautiful but so fucking tragic#apparently you cannot save karlach as astarion unless you've ascended#you cannot join her in avernus as a spawn :(#bro and it kills me karlach has been unwillingly celibate for 10 years#but that doesn't matter. she loves astarion SO MUCH she just wants to be with him. however she can.#AND THE FUCKING KISSES????? dude she is SOOO gentle with him!!!!!!!!#makes me think of this one short french film. which is obv a bit different from karlach and astarion's romance.#but it's still about valuing the love you have while it's there. because it can be lost so so easily.#basically a husband is cheating on his wife but then his wife falls terminally ill. and so he takes care of her.#and while taking care of her he realises just how much he loves her. he stops seeing the other woman. and stays with his wife to the end.#just the devotion he shows her in her remaining time alive and then the final shot where he's alone and just. dumbstruck with grief....#I saw this film years ago and it still sits with me. it was so beautiful and tragic. very french! lmao.#just makes me think of starlach in a way though. like the beauty of that limited time karlach and astarion would have together.#and the fucking tragedy that would be karlach dying and astarion...immortal astarion.... being alone again.#ugh MAAAN!!!! starlach and wyllstarion and wyllach are all SUCH good pairs#they offer a veritable buffet of the most wonderful. tender. and tragic romance tropes T____T#I have to give credit where credit is due. thank you larian for two VERY fucking good m/f pairings.#so easy for writers to come up with piss poor m/f romances that have no chemistry but karlach works SOO well with either astarion or wyll.#i wish the fandom wasn't. well as fandoms normally are. you know. 😒#literally any of these three pairs SHOULD be the most popular imo.#if you disagree- that's your own opinion. I am not here to fight with people.#also one last thing? the youtube poster's icon fucking KILLED me. please look at it.
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st4rstudent · 3 months
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I AGREE its so crazy how zap gags weren't a thing.... like TTCC really popped off with that one! i understand TTR is moreso sticking closer to the way TTO was but WOW zap just feels so natural with a REALLY good mechanic that uses strategy in using squirt and its just so good.... also my favorite track
YEEEPP!! That's how I feel about it. Squirt and zap just mix well together. I also think the addition of an 8th gag track was also a good move, allowing for a nice rotation of combinations (like how lure-trap and throw-drop are together as a combo). And also its a nice even number. I also think it helps utilize squirt, idk just feels good to do in general. Of course, I don't really have anything to compare this to and it's just me speaking as a player of (currently) one server, so take what I say with a grain of salt.
It's my favorite too, zap warriors UNITE!!
#clemask#clemramble#this is also not me hating on tt r either#actually i probably dont have to space that out because this is going to appear in word search anyways but still#i know sometimes there's a little bit of competition (is that what youd call it)? between the two servers. i want it to be stated that#i do not care about server comp. play what you want. who cares. i think both servers have their pros and cons and finding value in what YOU#like is more important than which one is the “”best“”. I think TR does an amazing job of taking TTO and transforming it into something more#while also staying true to the original game. i love the fact it brings some of the old concepts that were originally scrapped or lost#i also like the toon events that they have. like there was the halloween one and if i believe correctly it had a parade in it?#SUPPPERR COOL. i shouldve atleast played a little during that time just to experience it. but to be fair during the school year my#playing in general is toned down a lot. im sure everyone reading this knows how it is#and obviously i like ttcc. it has mac and winn. i mean what who said that.theres a ghost in here....#and i can understand why people like or dont like each server. they all have pros and cons. but to me its like the two cakes image#sorry i felt the need to clarify bc i know im kindof exclusively a ttcc guy and me going 'ummmm well tt r doesnt have zap' might sound#like im hashtag hating but im not. tt r is awesome ok. i need to try it out one day.#i just really like zap as a gag. like anon stated i think it just really feels natural to the game#that water electric combo does wonders
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acewizardinspace · 1 year
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The truth is, sometimes there is no watsonian answer.
Lets say for a moment a character is established to hate the color green. Then in one scene we see them wearing a green scarf. This is never mentioned or explained. It can be fun to come up with watsonian (in universe) explanations for this behavior. Maybe he got it from this other character who loves green, or maybe he changed his mind. But when those explanations actually directly contradict what happens on screen, then there is a problem. Lets say it is impossible for him to have met this other character and gotten a gift, or he mentions his hatred for green again two episodes later meaning it is impossible for him to have changed his mind.
Now your fun watsonian headcanon instead of adding meaning actively detracts meaning. Now it makes the story worse not better. Now the story stops making any amount of sense because you insist on calling attention to something the creators never wanted you to. This can be fun for AUs and headcanons, please keep with it! But it is a shit basis for shit literary analysis.
The truth is, sometimes his scarf is green because that is what the costumer designers had on hand. The truth is, sometimes there is no watsonian answer.
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brookheimer · 1 year
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do i post my long explanation of empathy vs sympathy re: roman tonight or is that just excessive
#like warning it is Long. will cut it down some bc i wrote it in a mad frenzy at 3 am in my notes app last night but still#tl;dr: roman is intensely empathetic and entirely devoid of sympathy. the seemingly contradictory displays of compassion vs disregard/#cruelty are not contradictory at all and make complete sense if you understand the actual definitions of empathy and sympathy. i’d argue#that while rome’s capacity for empathy stands out in a show a#of people who are not prone to empathy his complete and total void of sympathy is much more unique in terms of humanity at large. it’s just#a show filled w cruel people so it’s less noticeable that the forms of cruelty he displays are rooted in empathy/lack of sympathy rather#than sympathy/lack of empathy like kendall and shiv (and just most people more generally)#sympathy is predicated upon difference distance and logical dissection of emotion while empathy is rooted in identification intimacy and#visceral experiences of emotion#you guys just literally do not know what these words mean. but that’s fine ! most people do not ! they are frequently confused and conflated#! that just doesn’t mean they SHOULD be. so . maybe i can help w that#also for further reading edmund burke is an absolutely fascinating figure to read esp his writings on british imperialism#although the term he uses is sympathy mehta & other later thinkers who have talked ab him have concluded that his cosmopolitanism of#sentiments/sympathy is much more like the modern definition of empathy (the words have shifted meaning slightly over the course of history)#or rather that the sentiment is empathy but the push to action is sympathy and combining together u get the cosmo. of sentiments#but basically burke is the founder of modern conservative thought basically. he is also the only british thinker who at the time of british#occupation of india actually spoke out against imperialism. this is because he viewed others not from a lens of sympathy/pity (feeling bad#for their plight) but empathy (identifying with their circumstances and placing himself within them)#love burke bc i find it so fascinating how someone i disagree with so frequently also holds a mindset that i value greatly and is anti-#imperialism despite everything else about him#kind of like rome in that sense. except rome’s sense of empathy is slightly broken because a) he doesn’t have any sympathy to supplement it#with and b) his visceral/emotion/gut instinct leading way of viewing the world + the way obscene wealth makes the rest of reality feel#fungible = inability to feel anything towards that which he does not identify#and unlike burke rome is too skewed by wealth and his upbringing to see resemblance in the masses and empathize w them#the other sibs function using sympathy and feel bad for the poor without having to relate to or understand them#but roman doesn’t do sympathy. he doesn’t feel FOR people he feels what people are feeling instead#but only so long as they’re seen as people. sympathy requires hierarchy so not viewing others as ppl v much allows for sympathy.#empathy requires some level of perceived horizontality so rome cannot empathize w that which is not horizontal to him#me: should i post this long thing? also me: posts another long thing in the tags that’s a long short summary of the much longer actual post#anyways. ahem. back to work
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grimtaleslb · 1 year
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IM LOSING MY MIND ITS TO LATE AT NIGHT TFOR THIS
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blackpearlblast · 5 months
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[ID: drawings of a golem animated by a palestinian flag painted on its forehead. it is seen: holding out its arms protectively in front of a crowd of children, the children also hold each other supportively; catching an air strike missile from the air and throwing it away or crushing it in its fist; turning its back so that a child can warm her hands by the earth oven built into its back, food in a pot is cooking on the fire and a boy holds a cup of steaming tea to his face and enjoys the aroma; clearing away rubble so a man can help up his wife who was buried underneath, she is clutching a baby to her chest; stooping down to look at a kitten a young boy is holding up to show it; and dissolving small flakes of clay from its finger into a glass of water, purifying it. end ID]
@fairuzfan asked people to create and share art for the strike. i wrote an artist statement and then set about trying to draw what i envisioned. artist statement below.
This golem is a protector that I wish I could gift to the children and adults in Gaza. The flag on its forehead is to show that love for the Palestinian people is an animating force for people fighting for a free Palestine all over the world, especially for those in Palestine who are trying to free themselves and their people. Love is the motivation for the call for a free Palestine, not hatred like people try to claim. It is very strong and fast and can catch air strikes out of midair and crush them to dust or throw them back in the direction they came from. It can lift all the rubble of a collapsed building very quickly so nobody can get trapped underneath. It has an earth oven in its back with an ever-burning flame that people can use to warm themselves and cook food and heat water to use to bathe themselves or make tea. Pieces of its clay can be crumbled up and mixed into water to make even the most brackish and unclean water pure and safe to drink.
The golem is always a bit of a tragic figure so I don't imagine it staying around forever once Palestine is free and it is no longer needed. I think it would use its great strength to help rebuild the destroyed houses, churches, schools, universities, hospitals, and mosques and then dive into the Jordan river and dissolve. It would clean the river of all pollution and make the water splash up over all the newly replanted fruit trees, causing them to grow big and strong. Its love for Palestine and its people can be tasted in the fruit they grow for generations.
I choose a specifically Jewish icon of protection because of how it feels to witness such horrors done in the supposed name of Judaism and the Jewish people. For many anti-zionist Jews, we feel like we are acting directly within the teachings of our stories and communities by opposing this genocide. It is difficult to understand how the very people and institutions who taught us these values now fight against them so fiercely. While obviously I would still oppose Israel were I not Jewish, the way I oppose Israel is directly informed by my Jewishness. I hope that someday, somehow, Judaism can bring as much joy and support to the Palestinian people as it has brought grief and destruction. That Jewish symbols used in the name of love and justice will bear more significance than the ones used in shows of hatred. Knowing the depth of the harm caused, I do not know if this is possible. But this artwork and everything I have dedicated myself to these past few months and continue to dedicate myself to in the future is born from this hope. I love you. Thank you for being on this planet with me. From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free! And it will be beautiful.
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inkskinned · 5 months
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i think a lot about exactly 1 thing from the roman empire: the concept of bread and circus. the idea was that if your population was fed and entertained, they wouldn't revolt. you are asking us to give up our one small life, is the thing - for under 15 dollars an hour.
what would that buy, even. i am trading weekends and late nights and my back health. i am trading slow mornings and long walks and cortisol levels. i am trading sleep and silence and peace. for ... this. for what barely-covers-rent.
life really is more expensive right now. you aren't making that up. i make almost 3 times what i did 5 years ago, and despite an incredibly equal series of bills - i am still struggling. the most expensive line item i added was to own a dog. the money is just evaporating.
we were okay with it because it's a cost-benefit analysis. i could handle the customer harassment and standing all day and the manager's constantly changing temperament - i was coming home to hope, and my life planned in a blue envelope. three hours would buy me my dog's food for a month. i can give up three hours for him, for his shiny coat and wide, happy mouth. three days could be a new mattress, if i was thrifty. if i really scrimped and saved, we could maybe afford a trip into the city.
recently i cried in the car about the price of groceries.
business majors will be mad at me, but my most inflammatory opinion is that people should never be valued at the same place as products. your staff should not be a series of numbers in an excel sheet that you can just "replace" whenever you need something at that moment. your staff should be people, end of sentence.
it feels like someone somewhere is playing a very bad video game. like my life is a toy. like someone opened an app on their phone and hired me in diner dash ultra. they don't need to pay me well or treat me alright - they can always just show me the door. there is always someone more desperate, always someone more willing.
but i go to work and know i could save for years and not afford housing. i am never going to own my own home, most likely. i have no idea how to afford her ring, much less the wedding. my dog doesn't have his own yard. everything i love is on subscription. if i lose my job, i have no "nest egg" to catch my falling.
this thin life - they want me to give up summer for it. to open my mouth and throat and swallow the horrible hours and counted keystrokes. they want me to give up mountains and any non-federal holiday. to give up snow days. to give up talking to my mom whenever i want. to give up visiting the ocean and hearing the waves.
bread and circus worked for a while, actually. it was the kind of plan that would probably now be denounced by republicans as socialist commie liberal pronoun bullshit.
but sometimes i wonder if we should point them to the part of the history book that says: it worked until it didn't.
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wishful-seeker · 8 months
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Tips on how to avoid being unintentionally ableist
1. When a disabled person says they cannot do something, and you wish to offer solutions, do not make a solution that involves them powering through pain, or something thats not accessible to the disabled.
Example:
Disabled person: "washing dishes hurts too much and i cannot do it."
Abled person: "what if you did one dish at a time throughout the day?"
This statement is not respecting that this disabled person just said they "can't". Always respect that. No matter how simple the task would be for you.
Disabled person:" i think ill use plastic silverware so i don't make dishes."
Abled person: "plastic is bad for the environment!"
This statement shuts down the most accessible and disabled friendly option that this disabled person can actually do because of the abled persons personal beliefs. This is not helpful, and ableist.
Better yet, instead of offering solutions, ask them directly "is there anything you need that you do not have that would help you do this?" This allows the disabled person to think about what would work, and they will always have a better idea of what would work than you do.
To add on to this, when we say we have no more energy to solve a problem or do a task, or change our lifestyle, we mean it.
2. If you feel discomfort when a disabled person is talking about their health, good and bad, that is ableist. Your discomfort is coming from a place that deams disabled peoples very existence as a bad thing and you need to fix that.
For example:
Disabled person:" this week has been rough pain wise, ive been through a lot, felt like my body was on fire. Lucky i got new meds though and i think they're helping!"
Abled person: "can we talk about something else, this is a bummer."
Disabled people should be able to exist freely without worrying about your personal comfort. Do you really think its appropriate to tell someone in constant pain that their life is making YOU uncomfortable?
3. Do not treat disabled people as tragedies, do not romanticize their old life or put their current one down.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah my life is pretty difficult sometimes, ive lost a lot but i still have happy moments."
Abled person: "it makes me so sad to see what disabled people go through :(. You used to love rock climbing and running, i would love to see you move around more again."
This statement is putting more value on the disabled persons abled past, and ignoring their life as a whole.
4. Do not avoid speaking to disabled people because it hurts to see your loved one disabled.
For example: my grandmother avoids conversations with me because it hurts her to see me in pain. While she has good intentions it leaves me being unable to be close to her. This is very isolating to the disabled.
5. Do not stop inviting your disabled friend/loved one out even if they are never well enough to attend. Unless we specifically ask you to stop asking if we can go out, good chances are we want to know you still care because again, disability is very isolating.
6. When a disabled person says certain things in their health have gotten better or worse, do not challenge this because you don't see a difference.
For example:
Disabled person: "yeah things are getting a little better"
Abled person sees disabled person using their wheelchair like usual: "i thought you said you were getting better?"
Better and worse are usually small changes only the disabled experience, its not like abled people healing from a broken arm. Better to a disabled person could mean they can stand for 10 more minutes.
7. Do not expect disabled people to ever be abled again, and again, do not put more value on an abled life.
For example:
Disabled person:"I have been using a wheelchair for 2 years."
Abled person: "oh you're young, im sure you'll be walking around in no time!"
This statement invalidates and ignores the disabled persons current life by hoping they get a more abled bodied life. Its fine to hope disabled people get better, but you don't get to decide what better looks like.
Hope this helps, stay punk.
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thymechaos · 13 days
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i just can't believe that oda fucking create sanji, a stereotypical ladies man who simps to an embarrassing degree for women while having his hackles comically raised around everyone he perceives as a man - and most notably butting heads with the more obvious ~manly man~ of the crew. haha, classic anime running gag, the kind that gets obnoxious at times but still makes you laugh.
AND THEN, like a billion chapters later, motherfucker steeples his fingers and goes "soooooooo... what makes a person Like That?"
and the answer is that he grew up in fucking Toxic Masculinity, The Kingdom. the answer is that he was always Different, in a way other guys instinctively perceived as weak, and that made him the target of visceral scorn and violence. the answer is that he was sensitive, sweet, caring, nurturing - feminine-coded traits which are only valued by patriarchy insofar that they're performed by women in service of men. the answer is that in a kingdom comprised almost entirely by violent men, the only ones who were ever kind to him, the only safety he ever had, were a girl and a woman.
so cooking is for women and servants, it makes you less of a man. only women will ever really value you for your passions and dreams. women are also actively hurt by the way the world works, they are unsafe unless they comply with men's violence, and you have to protect them.
(men will always know what you are, and they will hurt you if you let them.)
and even after he leaves... at baratie he is cherished and respected, but even that is an extremely masculine environment. we don't talk about our feelings, we don't let our guard down, the only love is tough love. when he tries to express his artistry and express himself through his cooking, rather than just filling orders and making money, he gets mocked.
so here is a man who will not raise a hand to a woman, because he rejects the masculinity he was raised with and refuses to become yet another man subjecting women to violence. he is desperate for women's attention and affection because it's SAFE, it's the only kind he can trust. other men are potential threats and must be treated as such. he must at all times be snarky, tough, Not Feminine, because to be perceived otherwise is to be powerless, to be hurt.
like y'all. the queer coding of it all? the overtly feminist themes? the active rejection of toxic masculinity and the way it's shown to be directly tied to imperialism? what the fuck.
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ashfae · 9 months
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The thing about romance is, it makes a good story.
As soon as Neil described season 2 as "quiet, gentle, romantic" I figured we'd be in for it, because as he's the first to point out, writers are liars. And the best way to deceive is with truth.
Season 2 is romantic. The trappings of romance are everywhere. Crowley tries to set up Nina and Maggie by trapping them under an awning during a rainstorm, a classic cinematic bonding technique. Aziraphale's chosen method comes from his beloved books: the ball, the dancing, appearing as a pair in public, hands held as you twirl gracefully with your heart thrilled and racing. If they can set up a sensational kiss that will unlock the happy ever after. They've lived on earth, they've studied the tropes, they know how romance works.
The problem is a story is only a story.
Nina and Maggie had the classic romantic setup completely by accident before Aziraphale and Crowley ever began trying to interfere with them. They get locked in Nina's coffeeshop. They can't escape or communicate with anyone else, they end up talking by candlelight because there's no electricity, Nina offers wine. Maggie mentions how she'd hoped for a chance to talk to Nina, and now here they are. It's every bit as much a standard as what Aziraphale and Crowley attempt to arrange. Blanket scenarios galore exist because of that starting point. We love that story. And there's nothing wrong with that.
But it's still only a story, it's not enough. Because once that moment of connection is over, however lovely it was, all the rest of the world comes flooding back in in the form of dozens of angry text messages. Nina's messy entrapping relationship hasn't magically gone away just because she and Maggie shared a romantic encounter.
And it's so tempting think oh well, that's easy. We'll just give them more romantic encounters and eventually those will overwhelm the rest of the baggage. Must do, because it'll make them fall in love, and once they realize they're in love that trumps all other considerations, right? So it'll be fine. Love Conquers All.
Neil also mentioned Pride and Prejudice.
Darcy knows he's in love early on and makes a disasterous proposal that shows that he has no understanding of Elizabeth's perspective, possibly hasn't even thought about it. They've been meeting in forest lanes for walks, conversing, had tete-a-tetes in the sitting room, danced at a ball. And while his turn of phrase isn't as flattering as he thinks, he's still offering her everything he thinks she wants and needs: affection, security, his good name, wealth, an escape from the embarrassments of her situation, the world. How can there be anything to object to? Why would anyone ever refuse so much of value?
Elizabeth quite rightly cuts him to pieces. He lashes back with a few hard truths of his own and they separate. During that separation, he thinks and he learns. He takes to heart the criticisms she offered, re-examines his assumptions, opens his eyes. Thinks about her perspective and how sometimes the only difference between pride and arrogance is where you're standing. He does the work. When they meet again he tries to demonstrate that he's learned--not in order to court her again (yet), but because the only real apology he can offer, the only one that would have weight, is to show that he's grown, he listened to her. He changed.
Elizabeth of course has her own journey, accepting that many of her own conclusions about Darcy were erroneous because they were formed without her having the full picture to hand, and once she's done that she has to apply it to her own situation as well. She loves her family, but they do place her at a disadvantage on a number of levels, leading eventually to full-out disaster as her younger sister carelessly ruins all of their reputations. It's hard to admit, it's mortifying, but Darcy was offering her a great deal she needs. His offer did have worth for all that she dismissed it as an insult. And as she learns to value his own character more highly, and then as she sees that he did listen to her even though she insulted him so thoroughly...well, she grows too. And when they do eventually come together it's not because of courting and balls. There's a big romantic gesture in his rescue of her sister but even that isn't why they'll get their happy ever after. It was just the catalyst for the conversation. They win because they've learned how to understand each other and how to communicate for the future. How they can strengthen and support each other, how to balance their strengths and weaknesses. The films leave them at the wedding, but the book shows a bit of their marriage too, and during it they keep learning from each other. Their relationship is held up as a superior love story for good reasons.
The end of season one was romantic too. Crowley stopped time rather than face a world where Aziraphale would never speak to him again, Aziraphale walked into hell to protect Crowley, they dined at the Ritz and toasted the world. But then they stopped. Sure they spent time together, talked, enjoyed each other's company. But if they were talking about important things would Crowley still be living in his car? They had a bit of respite but all that real world baggage that exists outside of the romantic moment hasn't been faced, none of it. Four or five years sounds like a long while but for beings who are quite literally older than the earth? That's just an intermission.
Nina's relationship ends, leaving her with a tangled mess; Maggie realises the sweet dream of love she's been longing for isn't as important as the real Nina. They talk. They plan. Nina will sort through her life, get closure, figure out what went wrong with Lindsay and what she wants from a relationship, learn how to ask for respect instead of just bending under her partner's demands. Maggie will support Nina the way Nina needs, which sometimes means helping her get oat milk for the shop and sometimes means giving her processing space. They're on the same page; they're going to do the work. That's why most likely they'll succeed. To quote one of my favourite fanfics: it's not happily ever after, but it's a chance. It's all going to be okay. (The Profane Comedy by Mussimm, who absolutely nailed this theme)
The romance is nice, it's lovely. We need it to keep ourselves going. To give ourselves the dreams that help us get through the days and nights. But it's not the relationship. It's not enough on its own. The wedding can be the grandest most beautiful ceremony ever with doves flying and sweeping music and bells ringing, but that doesn't guarantee the marriage will last.
Crowley and Aziraphale have had their romantic gestures, oodles of them. One wing raised to protect the other from falling stars, another from rain. Shared ground, shared interests, hands offered in friendship and held on a bus. They've tried to get to the same page, they really have. They just aren't there yet. The biggest most important things still haven't been talked about, and season 2 showed there are even more of those big important things than we'd realised.
The show paints Maggie as Aziraphale's foil and Nina as Crowley's, even to the point of Nina casually calling Maggie 'angel'. But Aziraphale's baggage is Nina's. The toxic relationship has to be processed and understood and closed, and it hasn't been, despite season one. Lindsay never really liked Nina very much, for all that they tried to keep her trapped; Heaven never really liked Aziraphale very much for all that he believed in it. They both let themselves be used. But Lindsay left Nina and went to their sister's, whereas now the head of Heaven has reached out to Aziraphale and said here, we can fix this, you can fix this, don't you want to fix this? Others are already writing about that and maybe I'll add to it later, not sure. And Crowley, like Maggie, has had a sweet dream that he has to set aside. Maybe he'll be able to pick it up again eventually, maybe not. But sometimes you offer support by buying oat milk or rescuing your beloved from the legions of hell, and sometimes you do it by standing back while they sort through their shit.
Quiet, gentle, romantic. It was.
But that's only part of the story. Now they have to do the work. They thought they had, but they were wrong, because there's so much they just hadn't touched yet and tried to cover over with relief and sleight of hand and alcohol and forgiveness. The apology dance doesn't mean much without showing that you listened and learned. They've faced so much trauma already and that should have been enough, we wanted it to be enough and so did they and it's such a blow for it to turn out that there's still more to do, that the baggage hasn't just gone away and can't be hidden under blankets or soothed with cocoa. The texts are still coming in and demanding answers.
But it'll be okay. It will. It's still a chance. And one that in the long run makes them better, builds something real that lasts.
The best stories, the ones that last longest and become classics, are the ones that don't end with the kiss under the awning or the blanket scenario or the wedding. They're the ones that heal us while the characters heal themselves. It's hard to accept that there's still more to do. Harder to imagine how it can possibly work out. And yes, bloody frustrating to wait and see.
And we'll get through that interim by telling even more stories. Because the story is never just a story. It's how we get through the work, it's what we tell ourselves so we can do the damn work. Stories are what we cling to and how we remind ourselves we're human and connect. A book is a person you can carry with you. We're not alone, none of us, stories connect us because we love them and see ourselves in them, which means we see each other.
Aziraphale's back up in Heaven to deal with his unfinished baggage; Crowley left his behind long ago and it's clearly going to come back and bite him in the arse however much he tries to go his own way. And they can't help each other with that. Not yet.
But they'll get there. So will we.
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