#but i guess i like being annoying sometimes
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Title: Unchaperoned.
Pairing: Yandere!Gojo x Reader (JJK).
Word Count: 5.2k.
TW: Non/Con, Fem!Reader, Prolonged Captivity, Semi-Public Sex, Mentions of Physical/Psychological Abuse, Mentions of Kidnapping, Reader's Just Going Through It In This One Okay, and Dissociative Behavior. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.
You should’ve known something was wrong as soon as you realized Satoru wasn’t in bed.
Most mornings, he’d already be gone by the time you woke up, with the only signs that he’d ever laid down next to you at all being the phantom weight of his chest pressed into your back and a sickly sweet note left on the bedside table (usually something to the tune of ‘be home late tonight, can’t wait to see you again’ or ‘if you keep trying to pick the lock on the kitchen window, I’ll know’), but today was supposed to be one of his prized days-off, and when he wasn’t pried away from you by obligation, he preferred to spend as much time as he could sprawled out across the mattress, your body tucked against his, waiting for the haze of a slow morning to dip and ebb until his mouth founds its way to your neck and his hands to your waist. Sometimes, he was called away by an emergency mission, a sudden problem with one of his students, but you weren’t often that lucky, and he never left without waking you up, first.
Failing that, you should’ve known something was wrong when you did finally open your eyes, and immediately found Satoru looming above you, perched on the edge of the mattress, already dressed and wearing the wide, toothy grin that made your stomach drop and something embedded deep within your chest curl up and pray for death.
You tried to shut your eyes, to roll over, to pretend you were still asleep, but Satoru must’ve been watching you for a while. His hand was on your shoulder before you could so much as settle into place, his mouth crashing into yours before you could brace yourself for his rough affection. He’d never been a very good kisser, even when you’d been a willing victim, but there seemed to be no moment sweet enough and no occasion soft enough to stop him from forcing his tongue down your throat, from keeping his mouth slotted against yours until your lungs ached, from nipping at your bottom lip with enough force to sting. Too resigned to be genuinely annoyed, you remained limp and pliable underneath him until he finally pulled back, his smile just a little brighter as he beamed down at you.
“I picked out something nice for you,” he muttered, his voice low, sentimental. If it wasn’t for the cold bolt of dread that accompanied the sound of his voice, you might’ve called it playful. “Get dressed. We’re going on a field trip.”
You swallowed, thickly. “Where are we going?”
Impossibly, his smile seemed to grow wider. “It’s a surprise. You’ll like it, I promise.”
You blinked up at him, too used to suppressing your reaction for the effort to be conscious. Satoru was possessive, but he was also childish, impulsive – too self-indulgent to keep his favorite toy locked away for very long. Usually, though, your little trips were planned meticulously and limited to five-star restaurants with private backrooms, rented-out theaters, picnics in the countryside where he could ensure you wouldn’t have anyone to pay attention to other than him. He’d never been so vague, before. You didn’t like having to guess what he was going to do to you.
But, his grip on your shoulder tightened, and you were abruptly reminded that you didn’t have much of a choice. It was either go along with his whims, play into his domestic fantasies, or risk disobeying him and—
And disobedience wasn’t an option. Not anymore. Not after so long.
A little more than an hour later, you were in the backseat of a black sedan, hands clasped together in your lap and Satoru’s arm draped over your shoulders. Every so often, your eyes flitted from the floor to the window, lingering on the passing landscape for no longer than a few seconds before falling back to something less direct, less contentious. Still, from what you could tell, you were miles outside of the city and deep into the backwoods that surrounded it. Anxiety alternated between tying knots in the pit of your stomach and stabbing into the tender flesh at the back of your throat. You’d never been very prone to motion sickness, but maybe, if you told Satoru, you’d look pale enough for him to buy it, tell his driver to turn around, and let you go back to the kind of misery you were used to.
You straightened, sucking in a deep breath and doing your best to choke down the worst of your paranoia. If Satoru noticed the extent of your distress, the most the offered by way of reassurance was an airy laugh, a gentle tug that left you pressed that much deeper into his side. Fighting not to draw back, you broke the silence, more eager for a distraction than a genuine answer. “Are you really not going to tell me where we’re going?”
“I can’t, baby.” He was still playing coy, playing cute. It might’ve been charming three years ago, when you were just having fun with a mysterious man with endless funding and eyes brighter than cloudless sky, but it was hard to find someone charming after you’d known them longer as a captor than you ever had as a friend, as a partner. “If I did, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now, would it?”
Your gaze fell into your lap. You’d been allowed to do your make-up and style your hair to your preferences, but he’d chosen your outfit – an ankle-length sundress the color of snow and daisy petals and pale skin bled dry. The color of his hair, although you tried not to let the automatic association needle its way into your conscious mind. “I don’t like surprises.”
“You’ll like this one.” Another laugh, another tug. Your skin was crawling. Maybe you wouldn’t have to play sick after all. “It’s real special to me. Thought I should finally get around to sharing it with you.”
You could remember complaining about that kind of thing, once – just how little you knew about Satoru in comparison to just how much he knew about you. You shared your life openly with him, and even if you hadn’t, he always seemed to be just around the corner, always where he needed to be to walk you home after a dull workday or invite himself to drink at a downtown bar with you and your friends. He’d been more secretive, more discreet. It’d taken you three months to find out he was a teacher, and another six so much as hear the word ‘sorcerer’. In retrospect, it was probably more of a deliberate effort than you’d been willing to give him credit for, at the time. He’d assumed that, the moment you found out anything more than his name, you’d try to run, and he’d been right. He’d wanted to delay the inevitable, and he’d succeeded.
It was stupid to be so worried. It was stupid to be so… so upset. Most days, you would’ve traded anything to be able to leave Satoru’s suffocating penthouse apartment, would’ve sold your left kidney for just an hour of freedom, but this wasn’t freedom, and it was hard to enjoy the illusion of it when you didn’t know what price you’d have to pay after it was pried away from you. You didn’t like not knowing what to expect. You didn’t like not knowing what you’d done to deserve this. You didn’t like that, even after years of learning to deal with Satoru’s bullshit, he could still make you feel just as scared and just as helpless as the day you first woke up in that dark room, your hands tied behind your back and—
The car jolted to an abrupt stop. Reflexively, you snapped up, going rigid, but Satoru seemed unaffected. He started to reach for the door, then stopped himself – fishing something out of his pocket. “Show me your hand, princess.” Satoru didn’t give you time to obey before taking you by the wrist and slipping a thick, silver ring onto your finger. You glanced from it to Satoru, who winked. “Just in case.”
You didn’t have a chance to ask what he meant before he was threading his fingers through yours and dragging you out of the backseat, into the open air. You tried to be thankful to have room to breathe – tried, and failed.
The driver didn’t follow you out. You stood, alone and unprepared, next to Satoru at the foot of massive, winding, temple-style staircase. Weather-beaten torii separated the pathway from crowded foliage, and with your hand still trapped in his, Satoru guided you through the steep ascent, each step accompanied by another drop of tell-tale dread, a fresh wave of anxiety. For one long, terrible minute, you managed to convince yourself that there was a sacrificial altar waiting at the top, or a guillotine – something ornamental and damning that he’d use to cut your life that much shorter, to tie you that much closer to him. Your eyes were clenched shut by the time you crested the peak, your breathing rapid and shallow, any panic you might’ve been able to stave off during the trip now returning in full force. It was all you could do to keep yourself from breaking down entirely when he finally, finally came to a stop, squeezing your hand with enough force to leave it aching.
You wanted to stay like that, blind and deaf and only on the verge of sobbing, but it wasn’t possible – your body couldn’t take much more, and even if you had been more durable, Satoru wouldn’t wait much longer. Tentatively, you forced yourself to open your eyes and took in—
A schoolyard. A bog-standard, borderline uninteresting, utterly devoid of life schoolyard. The architecture was a little pre-modern, sure, and it was strange not to see any students or teachers milling through the open space, but it was far from the ceremonial execution site you’d primed yourself to step into. As far as you could see, at least.
“Pretty, right? In a rustic kind of way, I mean.” Satoru was still grinning from ear-to-ear. You doubted he’d stop any time soon. “I promised I’d get around to showing you where I work eventually. C’mon, I’ll give you the tour.”
Right. You’d known he was a teacher, but somehow, you’d managed to go your entire captivity without ever so much as attempting to picture the school where he must’ve taught. Then again, to be fair, you may have had more important things on your mind.
The tour wasn’t optional. When Satoru wasn’t dragging you from building to building, he was rambling on about his students, his own education, telling you decade-old stories with more energy than a man closer to thirty-one than eighteen should’ve had. You listened to very little of it and retained even less, but Satoru seemed satisfied with your occasional nod muted noises of acknowledgment. You never passed anyone else, but he kept a vice-grip on your hand, as if he was scared you’d make a run for it as soon as he turned away. A few months ago, you might’ve considered it, but you weren’t that hopeful, anymore.
“One more stop,” he said, as he pulled you towards the last building – or, buildings, rather. It was a row of ornamental classrooms, all divided into separate schoolhouses. Against your better judgment, you edged forward, willing him to move a little faster, too. This was the last stop. He just wanted to show you his classroom, then you could leave. This was the last thing you’d have to endure, and then, you could go back to the kind of misery you were used to.
Or, at least, that’s what you might’ve told yourself if a blur of pink and black hadn’t emerged from the nearest corner, sprinting across the small courtyard, and running directly into Satoru’s chest.
You flinched back, but if Satoru was fazed, you couldn’t tell. You couldn’t see his eyes, not through the tint of his glasses, but he wore a crooked smile as he looked down at the teenage boy now standing in front of you. He must’ve been in high school – a first-year, if you had to guess, his black uniform coated in dust and debris. Rubbing the back of his neck, he blinked a few times before seeming to notice Satoru and straightening, bowing his head shallowly. “Gojo-sensei,” he barked, speaking quickly enough for the name and the honorific to blend together. “I was looking for Nanamin, but— So, Kugisaki found this ultra-cool cursed weapon, and we thought Fushiguro could figure out—”
He was cut off abruptly by a sneaker hitting the back of his head. A second later, another teenager – a girl, this time – seemed to appear behind the boy. Notably, she was missing a shoe. “He’s lying,” she said, her tone nearly venomous enough to be believable. “Whatever he says, it isn’t true. He’s a liar, and sexist, and I heard Sukuna say—” Abruptly, she cut herself off, her attention snapping towards you. She was quiet for a second, then another, before going on with a polite smile. “Hello, ma’am.”
For the first time, the boy turned to you, his eyes immediately widening. “Fuck,” And then, his gaze falling to where his hand was still wrapped around yours, “Fuck.”
You couldn’t stop yourself – bringing up your free hand to stifle your laugh. You almost introduced yourself, but Satoru was quick to cut you off. “These,” he explained, with a broad gesture to both teenagers. “are my beloved students, Kugisaki and Itadori, who value my mentorship and look up to me as their teacher.”
“I know,” the girl, Kugisaki, whispered to her companion, Itadori, only half-heartedly trying to hide her voice. “I really didn’t think men or women could stand to be around him.”
“And, adoring students, this,” His grip tightened as he forced your hand into the air, your new ring facing the students. “is my beautiful fiancé.”
“Fiancé,” Itadori repeated. “Was it, like, arranged?”
And then, from Kugisaki to you, “Did he pay you up front?”
Reflexively, you moved to respond, used to having to provide an answer as soon as you were asked a question lest Satoru resort to more drastic means of getting your attention, but something else caught your attention. A mop of black hair rounding the schoolhouse’s corner, the collar of a white t-shirt pulled over a bloody nose obscuring, but not completely hiding, a familiar face. You didn’t want to, but you recognized him immediately.
Megumi.
Huh.
You’d never seen him without his sister, before.
He made a point not to look at you, dark eyes trained on the ground as he positioned himself a few feet behind his more energetic classmates. You opened your mouth, then closed it, then opened it again just as quickly. You might’ve actually found the courage to say something, if Kugisaki hadn’t lurched forward, shoving Itadori out of the way and tearing your hand out of Satoru’s. She clasped both your hands between hers, staring up at you with a frantic kind of urgency. “Listen,” she started, her tone just as dire as her expression. “If he bribed, kidnapped, or threatened you to make you go along with this, say so. There’s another sorcerer on campus – we’ll make sure you’re safe while he’s brought to the proper authorities.”
You hesitated, for a second.
Then, you opened your mouth, and distantly, heard your own voice spilling out. “We used to be in a relationship.” You stopped, swallowed, then went on. “But, he kidnapped me three years ago, and he’s kept me trapped in his home ever since. If I ever leave him, he says he’ll break my legs and kill everyone I know. He hasn’t really proposed, yet, either. He just shoved a ring onto my hand and started calling me his fiancé a few hours ago.”
There was a beat of silence, then another.
And then, Satoru laughed. It was a cheery, juvenile sort of laugh. A ‘forget everything you just heard and look at me’ sort of laugh.
Soon enough, his students joined him – Itadori first, then Kagisuki. Megumi never made a sound.
“I think what you meant to say,” Megumi didn’t even look at you. You wished you could ask how his sister was doing. You wished you could say anything at all. “is that it was love at first sight. I was on a mission, fighting my way through a group of a hundred curses. That’s when I heard someone crying out from the heart of the swarm, and I—”
You made no attempt to listen. As Satoru’s story drowned on, Megumi’s eyes flitted upward – first to Satoru, then to you, widening slightly. You made the same realization a second later.
Satoru wasn’t holding your hand, anymore.
Satoru wasn’t paying attention to you at all.
Finally, Megumi met your gaze. He held your stare for a second, before shifting – looking towards something behind you. His message was glaringly apparent, albeit unspoken.
You took half a step back, then another. Satoru was still caught up in his story, and if his students noticed you moving, they didn’t feel the need to comment. It wouldn’t work, something vile and fearful whispered into the back of your mind. He’d notice, and he’d drag you to somewhere isolated and claustrophobic, and he’d break every finger on your right hand, or dislocate both your ankles, or lock you in a room so dark and so tiny that you would be able to convince yourself he’d buried you alive. It wouldn’t work, but you were already three feet away from him, then ten, then twenty. At some point, Megumi shifted, taking your place just outside of Satoru’s peripheral, replacing your presence at his side. When you reached the corner of the nearest schoolhouse, you turned on your heels and ran.
Your mind raced as you made your way back to the main schoolyard, back to the front gates. You were in the backwoods, but you couldn’t be that far from the city – not if you’d been able to drive here. There was bound to be a public road nearby, or better yet, a highway, something with drivers you could flag down and beg to take you as far from here as possible. You’d pawn the ring, dye your hair, call yourself by a different name until you found someone willing to get you out of Tokyo, to get you out of Japan. Maybe, if you made it to a port city, you could—
You stopped abruptly about twenty feet away from the main gates. A blonde man in a suit leaned against one of the wooden beams, his face familiar but not immediately placeable. Someone working for Satoru, you thought, irrationally. Someone who wanted to stop you from getting away.
He was already looking at you. He nodded, the gesture slow and measured, and you continued to stare blankly in the direction of the gates. “(Y/n).”
His identity came to you immediately. Not Satoru’s employee, but one of his coworkers, only barely remembered from a few nights spent drinking, a handful of conversations you only barely remembered. “Kento.”
You’d taken a few beats to respond, but Kento wasn’t as hesitant. “Gojo said you left the city.”
“I didn’t.”
“You’re here with him?”
You swallowed. “He’s talking to his students, right now.”
He took a moment to evaluate you – your disheveled dress, your wide eyes, the way you couldn’t seem to stop breathing in shallow, panicked huffs. Should you have tried to look more sympathetic, more like a captive? Should you be talking to him at all?
He didn’t smile, didn’t soften his tone into something overly sweet, overly dizzying. It was good that he didn’t – or, actually, it might’ve been bad. If he had, you would’ve forced your way past him without ever stopping to hear what he had to say. “He was never the type to think further than he could reach,” Kento said, straightening. “I’d like to talk to you, sometime. Somewhere private.”
“I… Satoru doesn’t really like it when I—”
“Gojo doesn’t have to know.” He paused, straightened. “Honestly, I’d prefer if he didn’t.”
Something thick and acidic rose into the back of your throat. It was your turn to straighten, now, to ball your fists at your side, to let your mouth fall open and—
And shut it again as you felt an arm wrap around your waist, pulling you against a broad chest. You didn’t have to check to know it was Satoru. You felt his fingertips dig into your side, his chin settle onto your shoulder. “Just can’t stand not to havin’ me all to yourself, huh?” His voice was low, playful. If you’d been able to think over the deafening static in your head, you would’ve called yourself an idiot for ever thinking it was cute.
“Thanks for looking after her for me.” He was talking to Nanami, now. You might’ve been grateful, if not for the ever-present pressure of his hand on your waist. “My fiancé tends to wander off.”
Kento’s expression, as always, was near-unreadable. He seemed to catch on the word ‘fiancé’, but whether that was because of the implication or the way Satoru seemed to bask in it, you couldn’t tell.
His response was curt, polite. “Congratulations.”
You could feel Satoru’s grin against your throat. He’d been glad to show you off in front of his students, but it almost seemed compulsory for him to flaunt you in front of Kento. “One wrong step, and suddenly I’m a taken man. Not that I’d have it any other way.” His arm fell away from your waist. Rather than reaching for your hand, he took you by the wrist, his grip tight enough to bruise. “I’ve gotta show the little lady a couple more things. You’ll keep an eye on the first years for me, right?”
Kento might’ve tried to answer, but you were around long enough to hear it. Satoru was already dragging you back in the direction of the schoolhouses, and willingly, you followed, keeping your head bowed and your teeth grit. It was almost a relief to know he was going to do something terrible to you. At least, while you were injured, or bound, or so heavily sedated that you couldn’t remember your own name, you wouldn’t be able to try to run away again. You wouldn’t be able to get your hopes up, and have to bear the hollow, gnawing agony that came when they were, yet again, dragged back down and crushed under Satoru’s heel.
There were no flustered students to intercept you before you reached his classroom, this time, no stoic teachers to pretend to care that you looked so miserable. Satoru only let go of your hand once you’d crossed the threshold, once he’d shut and locked the door behind you. Idly, you wandered into the empty space at the front of the classroom, only sparing a quick glance towards the empty chalkboard, the vacant teacher’s desk, the barren walls before letting your eyes fall back to your feet. “I’m sorry,” you mumbled. “I didn’t mean to do anything, but—” You almost brought up Megumi, but stopped yourself. “I… I’m just sorry.”
Satoru hummed. You felt a hand on your hip first, then your side, nudging you towards the desk. When you failed to move, he chuckled and abandoned the idea of your cooperation entirely – lifting you off of your feet without a hint of strain and placing you on edge of the empty desk, positioning himself between your legs. His hands fell to either side of you, caging you between his arms. “I know, pretty girl, I know.”
“And—And, your students seemed so nice, or—uh, energetic, at least. I haven’t talked to anyone other than you in so long, I just didn’t know what to do.”
“I get it, princess. You were always shy like that.”
Shy. You’d never really been shy. Not before he kidnapped you, at least. Not before he took all the things you’d always told yourself that people just didn’t do to each other and done them to you.
Still, you didn’t correct him. “Can we…” You trailed off, shrunk into yourself. “Can we go home, then? I don’t want to—”
His mouth was crashing into yours before you could finish. You jerked back, but one of his hands was already on the back of your neck, keeping you in place while his tongue racked over yours and he moaned shamelessly into your mouth. Just as suddenly as he’d lounged, he drew back, his mouth falling to your throat as his free hand slipped under the skirt of your sundress.
There were a few minor differences between building dread and cold, pointed fear that you’d never noticed, before your time with Satoru – that you still managed to sometimes forget, during the brief calm patches spread throughout the course of your captivity. What you’d felt in the back of his car, that aching pressure that can only ever stand on the precipice of crushing – that was dread, all anticipation and no catharsis, your own mind doing worse things to you than Satoru ever could.
What you felt as the pad of his thumb traced over the length of your slit – that was fear.
“No,” as your hands found his shoulders, nails burrowing down, and then, a second, later, as your eyes found the door you’d come through. “Not here, ‘toru, it’s—Your students, they’re still—”
“You don’t have to worry, pretty girl. I’ve still got an eye on them.” His voice was airy, distant, his words only just audible in the gaps between open-mouthed kisses pressed into the curve of your throat. You could feel his saliva on your skin, the heat of his breath fanning across your jugular. Disgusting. He was disgusting. Disgusting and messy and vulgar and perverted. You were ashamed that you’d ever so much as considered loving him willingly. “I’ll be quick – all you’ve gotta do is sit still and look pretty.”
“But, someone might—” Your voice cut off as he found your clit and pressed down, immediately using too much force and too little care. You jerked forward, burying your face in the dip of his shoulder, but Satoru had only ever taken your aversion as a sign to go further, to do more. You could feel him drawing little, quick patterns into the sensitive bud through the thin fabric of your panties, and even worse, you could feel liquid heat beginning to pool in the pit of your stomach, dripping out from the space between your thighs – your own body betraying you when faced with Satoru’s coercion. “Satoru,” you whined, your pleading tone the closest thing to actual anger that he would allow. “Please, I don’t want to do this her—”
He hushed you, the noise soft and definite, and just like that, you gave up on speaking entirely.
Satoru’s impatience was unparalleled, but he’d had time to train your body to keep up with his impulsivity. By the time he pulled your panties to the side, slipping two fingers into your tight entrance, you were already wet, already waiting for something new, something more. “That’s my girl,” Satoru muttered as he slid his ring and middle digits into your dripping cunt, only stopping once he was knuckle-deep. “Always so bratty until you get something inside of you. It was a good thing I found you when I did, before someone else realized just how easy it was to get you all soft n’ pouty.”
His fingers curled upward, scissored apart, and you let out the smallest, weakest possible whimper – quickly cut off by a bubbling, half-choked moan. Your eyes darted to the second door; he’d been decent enough to lock the one you’d come through, but there was another, leading into a hallway that must’ve connected the disparate classrooms. It didn’t have a window, meaning you wouldn’t be able to see if someone walked by, wouldn’t be able to know you’d been caught until it was too late to tell Satoru to stop – not that he’d listen, even if you did. Rather than drown out the feeling of Satoru’s pumping into you, it only seemed to make the sensation of his fingers battering against the walls of your cunt more acute, only seemed to heighten the awful pressure starting to mount in your core. You buried your teeth in your bottom lip, shut your eyes and buried your face that much deeper in his shoulder, but no amount of self-suppression could stifle the slick, lewd noise of his fingers thrusting into you. No amount of self-loathing could convince Satoru to shut up, no matter how strongly you willed him to choke on his own tongue and die.
“I don’t think you were taking me seriously – about the whole engagement thing, I mean.” His voice was airy, almost distant. It was the same way he’d talk to you over breakfast, or when he insisted on resting his head in your lap as he told you about his day and you half-heartedly pretended to listen. “I meant it, y’know. I’ll have to do something more romantic for the actual proposal, but—” He paused, laughed. You felt his lips ghost over your cheek, then the corner of your jaw. “I meant it. Couldn’t stand the idea of putting it off any longer, ‘specially not when I already knew that you were going to say yes.”
Whether he was speaking out of narcissism, cruelness, or genuine delusion, you couldn’t tell. You didn’t want to know. All you could seem to focus on was the terrible heat of his affection, all you could seem to do was whimper through grit teeth as he forced another finger into your hyper-sensitive cunt. “We’ll have to get married, too. I wanna do it as soon as possible – fuck, I wouldn’t mind being able to call you my wife today.” You stiffened, shook your head, and Satoru huffed, amused. “Right, right – gotta pace the good stuff out. That’s why I love you so much, babe. If it wasn’t for you, I probably wouldn’t have time to breathe.”
A ragged sob escaped your pursed lips as you came undone around his fingers. He nursed you through your climax, only drawing back after you’d gone limp against him. There was another kiss, this one to the corner of your mouth, before his lips found yours – his touch suddenly gentle, featherlight. Your head fell to his collarbone as he straightened his back, but you were beyond the point of caring. You let your eyes fall entirely closed, sinking into him. At least, if someone walked in now, you’d be able to write it off as Satoru comforting you after a sudden bout of heat exhaustion, or a purely romantic (albeit, uncomfortably intimate) moment between a man and his—
His captive.
You could last a few more days before you fully submitted to the role of his fiancé.
You opened your mouth, unsure as to what you wanted to say but aware that you couldn’t stand to sit in silence for any longer, but anything you might’ve said was swiftly and callously drowned out by the sound of rustling fabric, the weight of a hand on your hip while another positioned Satoru’s now-free cock against your entrance. For a moment, you thought about attempting to shove him away. For a moment, you thought about screaming and hoping someone was close enough to hear you.
Then, he thrust into you, and you couldn’t do anything at all.
#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere x reader#yandere x you#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen imagines#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yandere jujutsu kaisen#yandere jjk#jjk imagines#jjk x reader#yandere gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#yandere gojo x reader
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just enough
warnings: nightmares and paige being annoying but thats lowkey it this ones kinda cute
request: hi!!! i loved you nika headcannons. would you be open to writing about her? i rlly feel like you’re hc abt her match up so well
nika mühl x reader
the warmth of my blankets encompassed me in, the weight of the soft fabric holding me down. i don’t really know how i was still awake, considering it was almost 1 a.m.
its not like i was staying awake, i was actually trying to sleep.
my room was small, but comfy. the only light was a streetlight gleaming through the window. it had one bed, a nightstand and, a dresser. a uconn ncaa banner was pitched above the bed. my dorm-room was surprisingly quiet, the only sound being a small floor fans whirring.
the silence was interrupted was a quiet jingle from the door handle. the metal clicked and the door creaked open, and a tall brunette girl poked her head in. “hey niks. couldn’t sleep again?”
“how’d you know?” she spoke sarcastically, shrugging while she walked in. the door closed quietly behind her. sometimes when nika can’t sleep, she finds her way into my room. after what was probably the 20th time this happened, i gave her an extra key so i didn’t have to get up to let her in.
i scooted closer to the wall to make space as she stumbled her way over. nika lifted the covers up and slipped under them, instantly moving closer to me. she gave me a quick smile before rolling over, facing away. “thanks. for you know. this?”
“yeah… i don’t mind,” i traced little shapes on her back while we talked. i drew a dog and a house and two girl standing outside of it before she moved. nika sunk further into the bed, “i was kind of worried you would.”
“why would it bother me? its really nice when you’re here.” she giggled before turning back towards me, making eye contact in the dark. “do you really think i would give you a key if it bothered me?”
she had really nice eyes, and they were looking right in mine. and the way she talked was so perfect, “i guess i never thought about it that way.” she blinked and it broke me out if my trance, but i was pulled back in the second i could see them again. the chocolate brown swirled around, darker on the inside and lighter on the outside. it had such a sweet look to it and the colour highlighted her face.
nika sighed and then we just layed there in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. nothing needed to be said. the presence of each other being there was just enough.
but i had to break it. i don’t really know why. “are you sure your doing okay?”
she seemed taken aback, her eyes loosing the happiness they had seconds prior to my words. “i- why wouldn’t i be?” she was laying so close to me that i could feel her breath shaking while she spoke, a nervousness coating her expressions.
“niks, i’m just worried about your sleep and stuff. you come in here saying that you cant sleep more often then not,” she pulled the covers slightly closer, twisting the edge lightly with her fingers. “and theres nothing wrong with you coming in here, but is something keeping you up at night?”
“its not like its important or anything.”
“yes it is.”
even though she was laying down she still crossed her arms and gave me a you should be quiet look. “why?”
“because your important. and i care.” a strand of hair fell in front of her face and she blew at it to try and get rid of it, but it kept ended up right back in her face. frustration grew over her face. after she started mumbling swears at it, i tucked it behind her ear.
“why do you care?” she spat, calmness buried underneath her mean tone.
“i don’t know, why are you interrogating me now?”
“you know i didn’t come here for a heart to heart. i came here to sleep.”
“i guess we don’t always get what we want.”
she took in a deep breath, “i’ve been have these nightmares, where i cant do anything right. and coach gets mad at me, then the rest of the team follows,”
“and nobody will talk to me, because i keep messing the plays up. not even you will talk to me.”
“and it gets to the point where nobody will look at me, because they’re ashamed for me. or at me, i’m not really sure. and in the end, i just stop loving basketball.” her voice cracks with those last words and it breaks my heart. and as the tears she was holding back slowly make their way over her waterline and onto her face, i pull her into a hug.
her voice was all squeaky and wobbly, “i just don’t want to be a failure.” nikas face was pressed against my chest, a wet spot appearing on my t-shirt.
“no. look at me,”
nika peered up at me, eyes still glossy with tears. “you are not a failure. you never will be, okay? we all love you so much. i love you so much.”
“yeah.” she sniffled out. my hand held her head close the myself, playing with her hair. my other hand scratched her back, trailing under her shirt slightly.
she wiped her tears with her sleeve before cuddling back in, “your a good friend.” she mumbled into the crook of my neck, her lips brushing lightly over my skin as she spoke.
she was still there when i woke up, snoring lightly. her leg was thrown over me and her arms were still wrapped around my waist. nika was practically a koala, but i didn’t mind.
i was just glad she was there.
most if the time when she came in the night, we wouldn’t talk at all and she would be gone by the time i was awake. usually i was asleep when she got there too. sometimes i didn’t even know she was in my room until she mentions it sometime during the day.
i trusted her, entirely.
it didn’t matter to me if she came in and out throughout the night and the morning.
after awhile, we just stopped talking about it. if she was there, then cool. we didn’t need to have a conversation about why.
im not sure what was different about last night and this morning. but i liked it. i liked talking to her, and i liked having her with me.
she was a cute sleeper too. her messy hair still looked perfect. i could just lay there forever, it was peaceful. but we weren’t going to, because nika woke up. she yawned and stretched her arms up, nudging me in the face with one. “g’morning.”
she peeled herself off of me, smiling up. “good morning. whats the time?”
i shrugged, “i dunno.”
nika got out of the bed, grabbing my hands and pulling me up with her. she didn’t let go when she started to talk, “hey, I’m sorry about last night.”
i smiled at her, it was more of a sad smile though. my thumb traced over her hand, “don’t be. everybody needs somebody.”
she squeezed both of my hands before pulling me into a hug, pressing a quick kiss to the side of my head. “no, i- you said you loved me, and i didn’t say it back. so i’m sorry about that.”
“its fine.”
she spoke quietly, almost like a whisper, “i do love you too, by the way.” she smiled.
i held her face in my hands, “good.” i pressed a light kiss to her chin. “you better love me.”
god, her smile was perfect too. she giggled and smiled again. “ill see you at practice?”
“three hours mühl. trust me, ill be there.” she pulled me into a hug, patting my back.
she pulled away, heading towards the door. “bye bye!”
i walked into practice with my bag slung over my shoulder, barely awake.
i had fallen asleep again after nika had left, only waking up because paige barged into my room, woke me up by scaring me, then still made fun of my scream.
then she forced me to make her waffles, then complained that i had no butter. like…?
i held my head in my hands, rubbing my temples. “p be quiet, for one second please?”
“but-”
“paige. shh.” i took a sip of water and began walking towards the court, not realizing she was multiple steps behind me. at that point, it was too late.
she ran at me and jumped onto my back which sent up both onto the floor, laughing hysterically. i was curled into a ball holding my stomach because it was so funny it hurt. “paige, why?” i laughed out, hitting her over the head for payback.
“oh you did not”
she shot onto her feet and grabbed me, hoisting me onto my feet. i wiggled out of her grip and started to run away, laughing at her as she chased after.
i ran into a brunette girl, grabbing her shoulders in putting her between me and paige. “help! nika, help me please.”
“what did you do?”
i wheezed as i spoke because i was out if breath. “i-”
the blonde girl cut me off, “she hit me.”
“you practically tackled me!”
paige smirked before running around nika towards me, hitting me over the head. she laughed as she ran away, “paige! i’m done.” i spoke as i lied on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
nika leaned above me, shaking her head while smiling, “get up,” she spoke, dragging out her words.
i groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, ignoring her.
her hands wrapped around my waist, trying to pull me onto my feet. “put me down. its colder on the floor.”
“no.”
once my feet were on the ground, i turned around to face her. i didn’t realize how close she was, because our faces were an inch apart. “not so bad up here, huh?”
“its horrible. i’m getting water.”
she snickered as i walked away, finding paige again. i walked over to the benches, grabbing my water from my bag.
“hm. look what the cat dragged in”
i turned to face the girl, “paige. what?” i sighed, “what are you talking about?”
“nevermind. i have a question.” the blonde sat down next to me, leaning to whisper into my ear, “what up with you and niks?”
“nothing! what?”
“you know what i mean,” she wiggled her eyebrows at me, “i mean she totally likes you.”
“first of all, shes just my friend and my teammate. second of all, this is very random.”
she stood up, putting her hands on her hips. “it would be cute.”
“i guess.”
paige made an explosion sound and motion with her hands. “so you admit to it?”
“fine, yes. shes cute.” the blonde pulled me into a hug and swayed back and forth. “ill make it happen.”
im shutting this idea down. “no, p. your doing nothing.”
“but-” i held a single finger to her lips, silencing her, “shhh.”
“please just let me! trust me it will go perfect.”
i closed my water bottle, placing it down next to me. i went to answer her but coach walked in, the rest of the ream following behind. “alright. lets get started! running laps! go!”
i was so sore. my legs felt like jello and everything hurt. i was laying on my bed on my stomach, scrolling on my phone. it was quiet, until nika came to my dorm again. she normally never came twice in a row, but i didn’t mind. “hey. whats up?”
“i need to talk to you.”
she was fiddling with her fingers and sweatshirts sleeves, a nervous expression pasted over her face. “i was talking to paige after practice today, and i-, uhm.”
“oh god.” i pulled my knees to my chest while sitting up in bed. breaking my eye contact with nika.
she closed the door and sat down in the beanbag chair in the corner of my room. “is it true?”
“yes,” i think i might kill paige. “niks, i don’t want things to to be weird.”
she stood up from the beanbag chair on the floor and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to me. “it wont be.”
“why, i thi-” i never got to finish my sentence.
nika grabbed the side of my face and placed her lips on mine, smiling into it. my hands made their way to her neck before she pulled away. “thats why.”
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Well, we sure can turn anything mean when we try hard enough.
Consider Mean!Jean. She's top of her class, good grades and even better opinion from professors. She's kind, she's helpful and most importantly—she's best friend with the popular mean kids. It's weird, actually, that such a bright woman that embodies spirit of chivalry runs around with such crowd! But... when she did ever stopped Lisa from bullying others? Sure, she scolded her and all but nothing really sticked when not even a ten minutes later Lisa's is on her usual bulllshit and Reader know it best.
Reader is favorite target of Lisa, always being bullied by her oh so gently, and the weirdest thing is that Jean doesn't even try to even pretend to stop Lisa.
She's joining in, caging reader against the wall, whispering dirty things that makes reader blush and Lisa chortle. Whenever Reader tried to speak up Jean shushed them before doubling on her teasing, getting more and more excited when the blush on R's face deepened.
And when Reader couldn't take it anymore Jean pulled away, snatching R's phone from their pocket just to put her number in here. Before anyone could even blink Jean smiled softly, her usual serene face came back, and said that she will wait for R's plan for their date.
Who knew that Jean could be such a vixen.
Bystander Jean is just as much of a mean girl like the rest of them, since she doesn’t rlly do anything to stop the bullying. So yeah, it’s not hard to imagine her in the mean girl clique as she’s more so of a “passive” type of mean girl.
But when it comes to you? Oh no. Jean is actually in on it. She wouldn’t pick on you as often as Lisa or Miko, but she would playfully wrap her arms around your shoulders whenever she sits by you in class, or steal your phone sometimes to look at what you’re doing (she claims it’s because she wants you to pay attention in class, but really she just wants to add her number and make sure you weren’t talking to anyone else)
She’s so nice, but god she can be annoying sometimes. Shes also the type of person to cover your face in the middle of the hallway and go “guess who?”
BAODJWKF I ALWAYS HATED THOSE. And I bet Beidou, Dehya, Navia and Shinobu do it too >:(
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Dance Of Hearts
Plot: Returning for your yearly job at the Dance Camp, you prepare yourself for the nuisance that is Song Mingi. Will you be able to survive his games again? Or will you finally fall victim to his charms?
Pairing: Dance Teacher!Mingi x Dance Teacher!Reader (Gn!Reader)
Request: What about enemies to lovers with mingi, they’re both dance teachers at sleep away summer camp and he’s the menace I think he will be around the reader while reader tries to deny all the rumors the kids come up with about them both < sort of started out like this then went off the rails
Requested By: Anon
Warnings: Mingi gives off sort of annoying fratboy vibes in the beginning and then becomes a KDrama level simp. So enjoy that whiplash I guess.
A/n: More like frenemies to lovers. This is my first time writing an au like this so I hope you like it! It turned out really long but I really enjoyed writing it!
Words: 5.9k
As the landscape grew more and more familiar, nervous and excited butterflies filled your stomach. As happy as you were to return to the camp, you had a few reasons to dread it as well. Lack of sleep, mosquitoes, sunburns.
But the main reason being, Song Mingi.
Mingi was another dance teacher around your age who had joined the camp about four years ago. You truly believed he made it his mission every season to irritate you as much as he could in the two weeks he had. Whether it be through challenging you, teasing you, or flirting with you, it was constant.
You and Mingi had an unusual relationship. The other staff and students called it a love-hate relationship, while many made bets on how long it would be before you either fought or started dating.
You challenged each other, teased and bullied, and you insulted yet joked with one another. He annoyed you, but you had to admit, you kind of missed him sometimes, often finding your mind drifting to him throughout the rest of the year.
But, you could never admit that out loud, especially not to him. You would never hear the end of it.
Your thoughts began to drift from Mingi as you pulled into the campsite. You noted a few familiar faces as you parked, your eyes landing on a tall man as he climbed out of his car. His hair was a different color for the fourth year in a row, but you could still recognize him from a mile away.
'Mingi'
You took in a deep breath as you refused to acknowledge the tightness filling your chest as your heart beat quickly.
Turning off your car you let out the deep breath, "Here we go."
Mingi's eyes scanned the area as he smiled at the other teachers and staff. The students would be arriving soon, but they weren't who he was looking for.
He started to frown as he saw no sight of you, fear creeping in that you wouldn't be here this year, but upon hearing another teacher call your name, his head snapped at the direction of the sound. His eyes finally landed on you as you smiled and waved to the girl.
Mingi scanned your figure as a smile spread across his face. Determination and confidence filled his chest as he clenched his fist around the strap of his bag.
As you spoke to the other teacher you looked around, your eyes eventually landing on Mingi. He held eye contact with you as his smile turned into a smirk. You let out a soft sigh as you looked away from him and left with the girl.
"This time." He muttered to himself, as he grabbed his bag and headed towards the cabins.
As the campers arrived and things started rolling over the next few days, you only thought about Mingi when he was around you. Which was only about a hundred times a day. He seemed to be seeking you out more often than he used to, which you found unusual and frustrating. Not just because he was annoying you purposefully every time, but because you seemed more nervous around him that years before.
Poking at the noodles on your plate, you felt your breath catch as a familiar scent filled your nose as someone sat beside you.
'He always wears the same scent.'
Feeling a shoulder press into yours you glanced to your left to see Mingi smiling pointedly at you.
"What?" You asked bluntly, making him chuckle.
"Just wondering how this years competition is gonna go."
You looked back at your food as you thought back on previous years.
The first year Mingi joined you two worked together to train the same group and won the end of summer competition. The next two years you were against each other, you won and then he won.
Mingi leaned a little closer, "Gonna try harder this time?"
You glared at him and he only smiled bigger. You knew he was just trying to rile you up to make you competitive.
You looked away from him with a soft scoff. "Why would I? You only won last year because the guest judges had crushes on you"
He opened his mouth in sarcastic offense before he smiled and leaned a little closer toward you, "Was that an insult or jealousy?"
You locked your eyes with his and he smirked. "I'm not jealous of you winning a swayed competition."
He leaned a little bit closer and you swear you saw his eyes flick to your lips, "I wasn't talking about the competition."
As you realize he was insinuating you were jealous because of the judges crushes, you felt your heart skip a beat. Before you could respond, you ears caught onto the amused and whispered comments of a nearby table of students.
"I told you they were dating!"
"I don't think they are, they look like they hate each other!"
"No they are totally dating, look at how they are looking at each other."
Realizing just how close Mingi was to you, you swallowed before scoffing in reply to Mingi's comment as you leaned away from him.
"You wish." You muttered as you rose, throwing out your scraps and heading back to our cabin.
Mingi watched you leave with a soft smile as his heart pounded, the students comments replaying in his mind.
Your body was tired as the day came to an end, you always struggled getting used to this amount of work the first week of camp. You began packing away your supplies as you heard the door slide open. Looking up, you smiled as one of the younger girls hired for a training program approached you.
"Hey what's up?"
She scratched the back of her neck nervously, "Hey. I was just wondering if I could ask you something."
"Sure what is it?"
"Well... it's about Mingi."
You felt your chest clench as you stared at her for a second. Was she going to ask if you were dating him? They always ask that. She was obviously crushing on him, as many of the teachers and student's did. You weren't sure why it annoyed you so much. No, that was a lie, you did, but you refused to acknowledge the reason.
"Uhm...are you dating him?"
'Knew it.'
You cleared your throat as you stacked a couple chairs. "No, I'm not dating him. And I never have, if that was your next question."
"Oh, cool. Well...just in case, cause I feel like it might be obvious I sort of have a thing for him-" she giggled nervously and you forced a smile. "Do you uhm- have feelings for him then?"
You paused as you felt you breath catch. That was always the question that followed. And as much as you convinced yourself you answered truthfully each time, you knew deep down it was only ever a lie.
"No, I don't."
"Huh? Really?" She asked in surprise, "Why not?"
You let out a soft scoff, "He's not my type."
Another lie.
The girl thought silently to herself for a moment before nodding, "Okay, sorry to bother you!" She waved before leaving and you let out a sigh.
Mingi's chest clenched tightly as he furrowed his brow. He watched the girl leave as your words echoed in his mind. After a few more moments you walked out as well, not noticing him as you closed the door and began to leave.
"What is your type then?"
You jumped in surprise as your hands flew up to your chest, "Oh my God!" You let out a groan, "You scared me!"
He smiled in amusement at you as he pushed himself away from the wall and approached you.
You let out an exasperated breath as you realized what he had asked, "Eavesdropping? Really?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "What? I was just walking past and heard my name. I think I have the right to know who's talking about me."
You sighed again, "Fair enough, but that doesn't mean I have to answer your question."
Turning, you began walking away from him, aware that he was going to follow you.
Catching up to you he walked practically pressed up against you as he pestered you. "Come on, just a hint. What's your type?"
You rolled your eyes as you stopped, causing him to stagger away to stop himself from colliding with you.
"Not you. That's all you need to know, now stop following me." You warned as you headed towards the bathrooms.
Mingi put his hands in his pockets as he watched you leave with a soft smile. His heart was pounding as his chest seemed to ache. Did you really not like him? Was he really not your type?
Your eyes were shut as you danced to the music playing. The movements were as natural as breathing even though you hadn't danced ballet in quite a while. Various thoughts ran through your mind as you moved around the room unaware you had a one-man audience.
When the song came to an end your heart jolted as clapping echoed throughout the room. You looked towards the door to see Mingi leaning against the wall with a smile on his face as he let out a soft laugh at your startled reaction.
Rolling your eyes you walked over to your phone to stop the next song from playing. As you sat on the ground to switch your shoes, Mingi walked over, crouching down in front of you.
"I always forget you can dance like that."
Glancing up at him a jolt ran up your spine at the intense stare he was giving you. You couldn't quite place the emotion in his gaze but you knew it made you heart race.
Breaking the eye contact you seemed to get stuck in, you continued switching your shoes, "What, does it intimidate you?"
He grinned and let out a soft airy chuckle and you couldn't help but smile too, knowing ballet was not intimidating in the slightest to someone like Mingi.
As you stood, you missed the way Mingi's eyes followed your every move. His heart fluttered at the sight of your smile, something that was rarely aimed at him, much to his dismay.
As you grabbed your bag, Mingi spoke again, the tone of his voice catching you off guard.
"Do you really hate me?"
You halted as you looked down at him with bewilderment, "What?"
"I always thought we had this sort of love-hate relationship, but I've been wondering recently if the love is all on my side."
Mingi almost laughed as he watched your brain seem to shut off and reboot as you blinked a few times in confused silence.
Shaking your head softly you met his gaze again with a soft frown and Mingi felt his chest clench. "I don't hate you."
He raised his brow a bit in pleasant surprise.
"You're annoying, and a menace and you drive me crazy. But, I've never hated you."
Mingi stared at you with a blank stare for a moment before suddenly standing and stepping towards you. You froze as he slowly rose his hand and wiped a strand of hair from your forehead where it was stuck. The sudden realization that you were probably sweaty and gross from dancing hit you and you suddenly felt shy.
'Why do I care?'
As Mingi continued to stare at you in silence, you swallowed before stepping back. Mingi quickly reached out and grabbed your wrist, stopping you, fearing you were going to walk away from him before he could do what he came to.
You looked between his hand and face as you quirked your brow at him.
"Do you know why I keep coming back to this camp every year?"
You frowned at him before slowly shaking your head no.
"Because of you."
Your heart seemed to skip a beat at his words. "What?"
"Because I want to see you." He swallowed nervously but continued, knowing this might be his only chance to have you alone like this. "You've never told me your number, or where you live, or how else to reach you. So I only get to see you here. So I come back."
Your heart was pounding heavy as you struggled to find you words before finally stuttered out. "That's a stupid reason."
He shook his head, "It's not, not to me."
"You want to tease and torment me that badly?"
He shook his head as he let out an exasperated sigh, "No, I just want to see you. And be around you. Do you really not get it?"
From the way you swallowed nervously and messed with the strap of your bag he knew you understood his words, but you didn't believe them. Did you think he was just messing with you? His chest clenched painfully as he took a small step closer to you.
"I like you. So much that every year I count the days till I can come back here and see you again."
You seemed to forget how to breath as you stared at him. His eyes burned into yours as he stared at you intensely.
"Don't you like me too?" His voice was soft, almost scared.
You hesitantly opened your mouth, uncertain of what to say as your thoughts and emotions that had been repressed all this time tried to escape, but the fear rejection and heartbreak tried to force them away.
Your eyes darted to the studio door as it slid open with a loud clang, revealing one of the other dance teachers. Mingi's face showed his clear disappointment and annoyance at the interruption, but the somewhat tipsy girl didn't notice as she grinned at the two of you.
"There you are! I've been looking for you everywhere! All the instructors and staff are down at the lake why are you guys up here?"
'You guys' You rolled your eyes at the attempt at including you, when her eyes were strictly glued to Mingi.
As she approached, you saw the way she glanced between the two of you, her obvious crush and jealousy showing.
She grabbed Mingi's arm as she grinned at him, "It's no fun without you there."
You felt your chest clench as you cleared your throat, "I don't feel like drinking so I'm just gonna head to bed."
Your eyes locked with Mingi's as you began to leave. He was clearly going to try and follow you, but the girl tightened her grip, stumbling a little, clearly on purpose, as she started gigging.
As you made it out of the studio, you let out a shaky breath as Mingi's words repeated in your mind.
'Don't you like me too?'
As you stared up at your ceiling that night, his question repeating over and over in your mind, you let out a soft sigh. Finally giving in to the thought you had pushed away for years.
'Yes, I do.'
The next week seemed to pass by in a blur. You had gotten so busy with your group you hadn't seen Mingi as often. You feared seeing him around every corner. Afraid he might find you again and force you to reveal your true feelings, something you weren't sure you were ready for.
Though, at the same time, you felt panic creeping up on you at the realization that the camp was almost over. Then he would be gone again for a whole year.
Coming to a decision you grabbed a piece of paper and a pen as your students prepared for the final competition at the end of camp.
You smiled brightly at your group as they cheered happily after being announced the winners. Your eyes scanned the crowd of students before landing on Mingi. Your heart jolted and your breath caught. He was clapping with a genuine smile on his face as he stared at you.
A smile spread across your own face before you quickly looked away, turning your attention to the students, your heart hammering nervously from the brief moment.
Mingi's eyes had been glued to your every movement as he tried to make his way through the crowd. Students and teachers were rushing around as everyone boarded busses and cars to return home. He didn't care to say goodbye to anyone but you, but everyone and their mother's seemed to need to speak to him, something he had found amusing in previous years, but now it only frustrated him.
He desperately needed to see you before the end of the camp. He couldn't let another year pass without being around you, not again.
His anxiety grew as you disappeared from his sight, lost in the crowds around him. His eyes darted to every face he passed by, but you were gone.
"Mingi!"
He turned at the sound of his name, but felt disappointment rush over him when another teacher approached him.
"Hey, where's Y/n?"
"That's why I'm here, they left already." Mingi's face fell as his heart dropped, "They were running late for their flight, but, they told me to give you this."
Mingi took the note, quickly opening it. His eyes scanned over the city name and phone number listed on the paper and he smiled letting out a soft breath. He nodded to himself as his mind already began turning, determination stronger than before.
You seemed to be constantly on edge after you left the note for Mingi. You read the text one more time as you walked towards your dance studio.
'See you soon ;)'
You knew it was from Mingi, but hadn't replied. Nor had he sent another message.
A week had already passed since the camp ended, and you consistently stopped yourself from sending him a message asking what he meant. You told him the city where you lived, but why did the message make it seem like he was gonna show up? It's not like you gave him your home address.
Entering the studio you smiled and greeted the front desk clerk before entering the studio. Spotting one of your coworkers she grinned and ran up to you.
"Hey, have you heard about the new dance teacher they hired?"
You shook your head "I knew they were hiring but I didn't know they found someone."
She nodded her head fervently, "They did and he's so attractive!"
You rolled your eyes with a soft laugh as you started setting your stuff down. "I want to ask him if he's single but that might be too forward right?"
You eyed her, "A bit."
She sighed, as she leaned against the wall. Hearing someone walk into the room your coworker gasped lightly before tapping your arm aggressively. You met her eyes as she motioned her eyes behind you.
'Must be the new guy'
Turning around, your eyes met with a pair of striking and familiar eyes, only a couple feet away from you. Mingi grinned knowingly at your shocked expression as he approached you.
You were stuck in stunned silence as Mingi let out a soft chuckle before taking another step closer and leaning in, "Miss me?"
Your coworker looked between the two of you, "You two know each other?"
Mingi nodded as he explained, your coworker nodding along in interest. Mingi's eyes never left your face, and you could hardly find the strength to breath as your thoughts raced.
'So, this is what he meant. But how did he find me? And why did he get a job here? He's not secretly some weird stalker serial killer right?'
As one of the lead dancers came in looking for Mingi, you made your escape to the locker room, aware he watched you leave. Disappointment was obvious on his face at missing the opportunity to talk to you properly.
You were on your toes the entire day, aware Mingi was in a nearby room as you wondered when you would see him next. You would have to talk to him. Before, you were too shocked to think properly, but now you needed to know what was going on with him.
When the day finally ended after seeming to drag on a lot longer than normal, you didn't see Mingi around the studio.
'Did he leave already?'
Frowning, you exited the studio, heading towards your car, slowing down as you saw Mingi leaning against the door.
As he spotted you he grinned, straightening up as you approached.
Before he could speak you broke in, "What are you doing here?"
"Well, I had been looking for a new job anyways and after you left me that note I was surprised to learn we really didn't live that far away from each other. Twenty minutes to be exactly."
As shocked as you were to hear this, you continued your own line of questioning. "So you applied for a job here?"
He nodded in reply.
"How did you know I worked here?"
"One of the few things I knew about you was that you worked in a dance studio. So once I knew you lived here, I asked around."
You squinted at him and he furrowed his brow. "You do realize this is stalker-like behavior right?"
He let out a laugh and nodded, "Yeah I realized that too but..."
"But?"
"But, you didn't answer my question."
You furrowed your brow, "What question?"
Stepping closer to you, he leaned down, looking into your eyes, a habit he seemed to be developing recently. You breath caught as he scanned your face.
"If you like me too."
Remembering back at the camp in the studio room, you swallowed nervously as you stared silently at him.
A small smile played at his lips as he let out a soft breath. "So, I'll be hanging around until you tell me. " Standing back up to his full height, he reached up and ruffled your hair, "See ya."
As he walked away, he left you in stunned silence beside your car as your heart and mind raced.
'Is he really going to stay here until I answer him?'
Looking back, you saw him at his own car. He met your eyes and paused with a smile as he winked at you before getting into the car.
You swallowed again before quickly getting into your own car, breathing heavy as your mind raced with what you should do as you laid your head against the steering wheel in exhaustion.
The following week was a new form of torture you had not been expecting. Mingi spent every moment at work he could teasing and openly flirting with you. Clearly tired of holding back his affection and not caring who else knew.
You poked at your food during lunch as your friend drilled you for information on Mingi.
"So you've known each other for a few years?"
You shrugged your shoulders. "Sort of, we only ever saw each other during the dance camp."
She hummed as he looked around, a smile forming on her face. "Well he's clearly obsessed with you. "
You scoffed softly, though your heart skipped a beat. "Don't be ridiculous."
She caught your eye before motioning her head behind you. Looking back curiously towards the table the other's were sitting at, your eyes locked with Mingi's as he had been staring at you.
His lip quirked up as you quickly looked away, your friends smile widening, "Do you still think I'm being ridiculous?"
You cleared your throat as you tried to steady your hammering heart, "Yes, now be quiet."
She chuckled as you messed anxiously with your food, now aware of his eyes on the back of your head.
By the end of the day, you had forgotten about lunch, and even Mingi. Up until you found him waiting for you at your car after work.
He had the same smile plastered on his face as you approached, but you saw the way his eyes scanned over you, an almost worried gaze on his face as your leg bent stiffly as you walked.
"What now?"
He chuckled, "I just wanted to see how you were, I heard you twisted your leg earlier. Does it hurt?"
So it was worry on his face. Your heart fluttered but you tried to ignore it.
You looked down at your leg as you kind of shook it around. "It's a bit stiff but fine, nothing serious."
He nodded his head as he let out a soft sigh of relief. "Good." He cleared his throat as he glanced around, "Wanna get dinner?"
You felt your chest tighten as your stomach flipped. "Dinner?"
He nodded and you realized just how hungry you were.
Thinking about how little food you had at home, and how much you dreaded cooking anything you nodded, "Sure."
As you saw the brief surprise cross Mingi's face you realized this might not be the best idea. As his face was quickly covered in a happy grin you held back, guilty at the thought of changing your mind now.
You stared into your drink as you played with the straw, too afraid to look up as you could feel Mingi's gaze burning into your skin.
Finally giving in and glancing up, you saw a soft sparkle behind his gaze at he looked at you, making your heart seem to flutter.
"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" You couldn't help but ask, mostly to break the growing tension.
He smiled softly, "Because I like you."
You swallowed hard, butterflies filling your stomach. You began fiddling with your hands nervously, something Mingi noticed immediately.
Giving into your curiosity you spoke softly, "Since when?"
He rose his brow, "Huh?"
"Since when have you liked me?"
He looked down at the table as he thought for a moment before looking back up with you with an almost shy smile. "Since the day we met."
You leaned forward in surprise, "What?" You glanced around, a bit embarrassed at the volume of your own voice. Lowering your tone you looked at him, "Four years ago?"
He chuckled, "Yeah. The first time we met you were bright and bubbly but fierce, and you challenged me on my first day. You told me I was replacing one of your past teaches so I had big shoes to fill." He smiled as he stared at you, "Ever since then, I was intrigued by you, and before I knew it, I was always thinking about you. And I guess I wanted you to notice me, and since you only ever acknowledged me when I was annoying..."
"You decided to make it your entire personality?"
He laughed as he nodded, embarrassed by his own behavior. You couldn't help but laugh along as you thought back on that first summer you met him. He always seemed really nice and caring, yet was always so different around you.
"I always wondered why you were like that around me and no one else."
"You noticed?"
"It was kind of obvious." You chuckled, "I just thought you didn't like me very much. And as the years passed I just figured you enjoyed annoying me for your own fun I guess."
He frowned as he let out a sigh and shook his head in annoyance at himself. "I'm sorry. When I finally realized I had been like that for too long, it was too late."
Mingi looked back up at you, and you seemed to get lost in each others eyes for a moment, the tension began to build before you broke eye contact and looked away. You heart was hammering heavily in your chest as your mind raced about the decision you needed to make.
As Mingi walked you back to your car, you looked over at him almost shyly, "Thanks for dinner. I'll buy next time." You hesitated at your own words as his brow rose before he grinned.
"Did you just ask me on a date?" He teased making you roll your eyes.
"Don't be cheeky."
He chuckled as you climbed into your car. He remained by your car as you started it, raising his brow in curiosity as you rolled down your window and looked up at him.
"The answer to your question is yes by the way."
He frowned in confusion as you smiled almost teasingly at him.
"I do like you."
His eyes shot open wider as realization formed on his face. Before he could reply you rolled up your window and pulled away, leaving him to watch after your car in stunned silence.
As your car disappeared, he started grinning to himself as he pumped his fists and jumped around in excitement and celebration at his requited feelings. Letting out a loud sigh of relief, he got into his car, cheeks aching from grinning as he thought about what to do now.
Your own smile tugged painfully at your face as you drove home. Your heart seemed to never slow down as the adrenaline of confessing your feelings remained throughout the night, eventually leaving you exhausted in bed as you slept restlessly, waiting for the next day to come.
Arriving at the studio earlier than normal since it was your turn to set up, you felt nervous in your own skin. Part of you wanted to avoid Mingi strictly out of shyness, while the rest of you wanted to see him as soon as possible.
You shook your head with a soft sigh as your own flip-flopping feelings. As you set up the studio, waiting for the other's to arrive, you wondered if he was feeling and thinking the same things. Would he be his normal self? More forward? Would he avoid you?
Your question was answered as a voice suddenly spoke right next to your ear, "Morning."
You jumped away out of surprise, seeing a grinning and chuckling Mingi beside you.
"Mingi!" You gasped out with a breathy chuckle.
The doors opened as a few of the others showed up with bright smiles and greetings. You and Mingi met eyes as he smiled knowingly at you.
Suddenly grabbing the equipment in your hands he smiled at you, "How's your leg?"
You nodded with a shy smile, "It's fine, no pain."
He nodded in relief as he helped you finish setting up, the tension between you more casual than anxious.
Mingi couldn't stop looking over at you, hoping to catch your eye each time. He could barely sleep last night, his thoughts full of you and where today might lead. You may have confessed you liked him too, but it was just that. Now he was determined to make you his.
As one of he studio managers called Mingi to help him, he looked over at you before stepping closer, leaning down so he was close to your ear.
"I'll see you later."
As quick as he was there, he was gone, leaving your cheeks burning as you realized he had pressed a swift kiss to your cheek before walking away. So fast you barely had time to process it. You looked around, seeing no one had seen anything, you let out a shaky breath, your heart hammering as you smiled giddily to yourself.
Mingi, being the new guy, ended up running errands all day for an upcoming charity event. You had barely seen him, even as the day came to an end.
As you did at the end of each work week, you spent a couple hours after work practicing alone once everyone else had gone home. As you moved to the music, your thoughts bounced from the event, to Mingi, to your work schedule, but mostly to Mingi though.
Eyes closed, you spun around, gasping as you collided with something. When your eyes shot open, you saw Mingi holding you against his chest, arms wrapped around you as he had caught you when you staggered away.
"Mingi." You muttered out in surprise.
He smiled softly as he looked at you, "Sorry, I got so caught up in watching you I didn't realize you were coming towards me." He smiled sheepishly and you giggled softly.
"It's okay."
His eyes trailed down your body and you felt a shiver run up your spine.
"Are you sure you should be dancing?"
You smiled, knowing he was worried about your leg.
"It's fine, I promise."
He pressed his lips together tightly but nodded. Realizing you were still pressed up against him, hands on his chest, you started to push yourself away, only for him to pull you back.
You questioned him with your eyes and he smiled softly as he slowly leaned his face closer to yours. You froze in anticipation, his eyes almost burning into yours.
"Are you going to avoid me?"
You furrowed your brow and shook your head, "Why would I?"
"It's become your motive every time we get closer."
Realizing this was true you looked down, gently squeezing the cloth of his shirt in your hands. He tightened his grip on your arms just enough to get you to look back into his eyes.
Bringing his hands from your arms to your face, he gently cupped your cheeks as he smiled at you.
Your breath caught as his eyes slowly wandered around your face, lingering on your lips before he met your eyes again.
"I've waited four years for you. I can wait as long as you need. But, to be honest, I don't want to,. So..."
Your voice came out as a whisper as our heart pounded in your ears. "So?"
"So be with me now."
You stared at him in silence for a moment, your eyes gazing into each others before you gently nodded your head.
A grin slowly spread across his face, causing you to smile in return.
He began caressing your cheek with his thumb as he slowly leaned forward, closing the already narrow gap between you. His lips pressed softly against yous, motionless for a second before he leaned in more, gently deepening the kiss for a brief moment before pulling away.
You were stunned by the kiss, and Mingi gazed into your eyes, almost worried about how you would react. As you smiled shyly at him, his smile widened before he pulled your face close again.
He paused briefly just before your lips met, your eyes locked before you both leaned in, kissing each other. His hands caressed your cheeks before he moved them to wrap around your waist, pulling you close to his body. As your lips melted together, you wrapped your arms around his neck allowing yourself to be lost in the kiss.
You weren't sure how long you had been kissing, but when you finally pulled away you were both out of breath. He pressed his forehead against yours as he gently swayed you back and forth.
"Does this mean we're officially together now?"
You chuckled softly as you nodded, "Yes."
He grinned as he leaned his head back almost dramatically. "Finally!"
You laughed as you gently smacked his chest. He pulled you closer and you laid your head against his chest. Thinking for a moment you chuckled.
Mingi looked down at you in curiosity, "What?"
"I wonder how everyone at the camp is gonna react next year."
He grinned. "I doubt anyone will be surprised."
You smiled, "I might become enemy number one to all of the other teachers."
He chuckled, "Don't worry, I'll protect you."
"Promise?"
He nodded happily as he held you closer, resting his head against yours, "I promise."
xx End xx
Not sure how I feel about the ending but I didn't have a plan for it lol so it is what it is.
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dS rewatch shenanigans
So me and @mannequin3thereckoning rewatched 2.04 Bird in the Hand, 3.02 Eclipse and 4.03 The Ladies' Man (or 4.05, depending on the region; I like this ordering of the episodes better, it makes the season more equally paced to me). Somehow we picked a nice equal distribution between seasons 2-4 (sorry s1, I just did not have that much free time!)
It was fun to compare the impressions between us, a person who's fresh off a rewatch and one who didn't touch dS for some years :) Unlike my rigorous friend, I don't have it in me to do a separate post for each episode. It's all pretty chaotic, but here goes:
Bird in the Hand
It was funny to notice how much easier it is to judge the pacing of an episode while also chatting about it in real time compared to a regular watch. This one is pretty much perfect!
It's a great showcase for the side of Fraser that sometimes gets lost between screen and fic, or screen and meta—his lowkey permanent annoyance with his circumstances ("I'm not sulky. I don't sulk," he said. You know, like a liar!) and his masterfully contained intense anger. It's so funny how annoyed he gets with Turnbull! Finally, someone at the consulate who gets more shit than he does haha.
Also another great example of Ray consistently ready to both stir up shit and take shit for Fraser in a highly stressful situation where Fraser's hands are tied. “He’d shoot him for you if you asked"—even Dad knows <3 Linking this wonderful art to express my endless appreciation for how well-oiled Ray and Fraser's banter is. No one does put upon like Ray Vecchio. No one.
And, I mean, the emotional centerpiece of the episode is BRILLIANT. The tone balances on the usual dS edge between wacky and weighty juuust right for juuuuust long enough via Ghost Dad, and then it cannonballs right into heartbreaking because of the Ghost Dad in the span of two lines, sustains it for one of the most effective conversations in all of dS and eases out of it by—you guessed it—Ghost Dad diffusing the tension with continuous murderous overtures.
And I think Fraser's ✨Plan✨ in this one is a rare example of his speechifying that actually bares his underbelly as opposed to only expressing his beliefs illustrated by his experiences. He's very self-aware: he says to his father, "I'm no better", I, too, can't ask for help, I, too, can't express my love and my hurts—and then he goes and does exactly that—and then he immediately follows it by turning the tables on everyone and going "ah, but I stunned you all with my emotional openness on purpose so I could get the upper hand in the stand-off"—but it works both ways, and it's clearly also him using the excuse to actually be vulnerable for a second. Man, Fraser is a thing to behold in this episode.
But you can actually see how far he's come since the pilot, and how his partnership with Ray affected him—it's cool that this happens only two episodes after Ray bullies him into admitting his dissatisfaction with his circumstances. And here he's expressing grief, not the anger, not the desire for revenge, but grief, out loud, to everyone. "You broke my heart." Jesus.
10/10 episode, highly recommended.
Eclipse
This episode is like a favourite well-worn hoodie to me. Apart from the iconic "Do you find me attractive?" exchange it offers so many joys.
It's funny (The "now it's broken and it's working" exchange and "Mom, how you've changed—into cuban cigars" are both beautiful moments).
There's Fraser's "I'm acquainted with loss and, on occasion, loneliness" line which is I think a great thing to learn about him early in the season both if you tuned into the show without seeing s1-2 and if you're Ray Kowalski.
There's the great Ray intro, doubly so because we already had the intro, and were even given a lot of the info there that Eclipse reinforces (like Ray's compulsive need to express his vulnerabilities in hope of protecting himself from being judged too harshly, but also his competence—even if my man should really keep those glasses on—and his ability to think on his feet and his obsessive tendencies and his soft romantic underbelly and I could go on, we learn so. much. stuff. by the point we hear Fraser's exposition on Ray's professional record we're not even surprised).
I love that Fraser is immediately comfortable with his new position of being the more emotionally stable one in the duo, haha—while Ray Vecchio had his insecurities and great moments of learning to trust himself with Fraser's help, Fraser is clearly both fascinated by Ray Kowalski's openness and ready to offer his shoulder to lean on, with an added bonus of being in less danger of being perceived while near this dude who constantly makes himself available for perception.
Random little notes: I really love how Ray says his own name with so much disappointment when introducing himself: "I'm... *frustrated sigh* Kowalski." I love how he tentatively asks Fraser to repeat "friend" after his declaration of friendship. I love that he's a dork who throws the dreamcatcher like a frisbee. I love the b-plot letting us hang out with the station gang a little and see them stand up for each other. I love the insane angle on Ray's face while he's being interrogated (see: my eyelashes gifset). I love the birthday party. I love the crypt as a setting, and I love everyone in that impromptu holding cell.
And, in the words of my wiser friend, "ray finding out his imposter syndrome was caused by a guy who doesn’t even remember him is so very ray". I take my hat off to everyone involved in making this episode.
The Ladies' Man, which I'm very glad my friend suggested, bc otherwise I probably would've forced her to watch it anyway, and I'm not a fan of such cruelty.
Let's get some things out of the way:
Ray looks incredibly good in this episode. It's a crime to look this good AND suffer prettily on top of that. The fact that the camera that was already pretty obsessed with CKR these two seasons gets, like, terminally stuck on him here does Not hurt matters.
I have some Questions for the episode, and I'll get to them, but it's my top one dS episode on a pure viewing pleasure level because it pushes my buttons.
Can't say much about the cold open because it's pretty much perfect, tight and tense and we get the Homoerotic Calling Off Your Rabid Dog Partner When He's Losing It Before He Kills Someone, which is a timeless classic (complete with the obvious and iconic Look at me! Look! At! Me!), and Ray and Fraser are perfect characters to act it out. CKR is on fire, no notes.
One moment I somehow forgot from my many previous rewatches that really struck me during this one is Fraser's almost casual admission of imagining murdering his father's murderers—thinking again about Bird in the Hand up there. It's a great reminder late in the show, where we see this aspect of him less often, and it's cool that he can safely share it in the face of Ray's rawness, you know, as opposed to it being a great and painful admission when he's the vulnerable one.
A brief interlude to shake my fists at the sky and wail Why, o Paul Gross, did you have to add the singing—it's not just that the joke didn't age well, it didn't even land at the time, and I don't think it would in any episode, but especially here???— and the bark tea flirting—which is par for the course as far as dS goes and could be cute but it feels totally disconnected from the rest of the scene, let alone the episode, so, again, ???? It's not that I wanted a mournful monotony of an episode with no laughs—I would pick a different show then—but like, I think better jokes could've been made. Like later in the episode, where during a climactic scene they drop the "actually, all that exposition makes me feel a little thirsty" line, it works.
Back to the point: Dixie Seatle is fucking amazing??? Her and CKR work so well together that all the noise of failed gags and nonsensical continuity of Ray's cover and whatnot is super easy to wave away because they're the emotional core of the episode, and they deliver. They have such a fragile thing going on, with him being exhausted from all the guilt and her also being exhausted from his guilt on top of the, you know, the whole death penalty thing.
Which, speaking of, UM, that's one of Thee Darkest Premises in the whole show and encountering it for the first time was a trip, during a season I was not a fan of and considered dropping. And yes many rewatches later I'm still confused but grateful about it all. The world in this episode is brutal in the way it rarely is in the show; integrity and redemption and whatnot are big motives in dS, and the big point is usually that the world, imperfect and unfair as it is, can respond to kindness with kindness and this is worth upholding. It is Not So here; scenes like the whole precinct cheering away at the prospect of Beth's impending execution are just—wow, okay.
So, as far as dS goes, this is a super solipsistic episode. It's perfectly self-contained, and even though it could have, I don't know, implications for Ray the way some of Fraser's Bad Shit did for Fraser, it just isn't addressed in the end. And I don't think it should be. It's a character study, and whoever decided they needed a very heavy one for Ray is my hero. (Note: I think this is the reason I never read a coda for this episode that I enjoyed. Having your blorbo break down in tears right in front of his boyfriend right before the credits with no follow-up kind of begs for a coda, but—newp. It works so well because it cuts off with no big resolutions.)
And whoever wrote those two closing scenes deserves a medal; to have this much restraint is an achievement for late season dS. CKR and Dixie Seatle also deserve a medal each for creating something this excruciating with super precise line deliveries and body language.
Small things my mind always catches on:
Welsh and his pink duster, looking out for Ray
CKR's rolling over the car stunt (steam comes out of my ears)
tiny flashback Ray checking his hair in the mirror at the crime scene because of course he does
Ray casually fiddling with Fraser's hat as they walk around
Sam Franklin's whole deal. I mean, there's tension there. For god's sake he pats Ray's cheek like a proud mentor he played the whole time when Ray takes his gun during his arrest. I mean. Uh. Yeah.
the fact that truepenny quit her meta right before this episode is a human tragedy
Probably like 40% of what you've read above have been brought up or articulated by @mannequin3thereckoning, so thank her for all the fun. I hope we can do this again some time <3
#ds30below#due south#meta#benton fraser#ray kowalski#ray vecchio#i wrote this in seven sittings during work#and on my meds#and so hungry i couldn't think straight#so don't hold any nonsense against me
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I'll find you at the end of the road - Chap 5/8
Chapter summary - Your now is not my now
They meet but how can a meeting go well when one knows and the other not...
On Ao3
Chap 1 - Chap 2 - Chap 3 - Chap 4 - Chap 5 - Chap 6 - Chap 7 - Last chapter
The Dirty Donkey - 2024
Eric exclaimed, "Why didn't you tell us it was your birthday? We could have thrown you a little party or something. No one should be alone on their birthday."
Crowley replied with a lopsided grin, "I don't really like to make a fuss about my birthday. It's just the passage of time after all."
Eric looked at him with piercing eyes and said gently, "You keep a lot to yourself, don't you?"
Even though he was beginning to open up a little more lately, Crowley couldn't argue with him, and besides, he felt strangely comfortable with the other man.
There was no judgment in Eric's eyes as he continued, "There's nothing wrong with that. But sometimes I wonder what else you have in your life besides your work. Do you have a family? A girlfriend or boyfriend? Hobbies? A pet?"
Crowley was silent at first, but in the face of Eric's kindness, he finally began to talk about himself.
Furfur's house - At the same time - 2022
Furfur placed a glass of champagne in Crowley's hands. Still in a state of shock from the unexpected party, he let Furfur lead him to be introduced to his circle of friends. If one could call it a circle, when it gave the impression that half of the city was here. The next few minutes were nothing but toasts, hugs and congratulations.
Now that the surprise had worn off, Crowley tried hard not to show that he was annoyed.
They arrived near Aziraphale and Arthur, who had their coats in hand and were about to leave.
Furfur said in a high voice, "Crowley, I'd like you to meet Aziraphale and uh... Arthur. Aziraphale will help us find our lake house."
Crowley nodded at them and replied with a smile, "Hello. Thank you for coming."
The two men greeted him in return when suddenly, seeing that they were holding their coats, Furfur asked in a dramatic voice, "Are you leaving already?"
Aziraphale looked at them, his gaze slipping to Furfur's arm around Crowley's waist before he replied, surprising himself, "No, actually, we're staying."
He felt Arthur's irritated look on him, but decided to ignore it completely.
Furfur exclaimed, "Perfect! That's more like it. Come on Crowley, I've got some more people for you to meet."
Crowley gave a pinched little smile and followed his enthusiastic friend with a not-so-enthusiastic air.
A little later, Aziraphale was looking for a restroom and passed by a half-open bedroom door. Inside, Furfur was kissing Crowley. Aziraphale quickly stepped back and heard Crowley say, "Not here, not now. We have... guests... A lot of guests."
Furfur asked, "Were you surprised?"
Crowley replied in a tone that Aziraphale found more annoyed than pleased, "To be surprised, I was. When are they leaving?"
Furfur asked worriedly, "What is it Crowley?"
Crowley sighed and replied, "Nothing. I'm fine... It's just I've had a long day, plus the crowded train, I don't know. I guess I thought we'd be alone tonight. You know I don't like to make a big deal out of my birthday."
Furfur replied plaintively, "But they're my friends, babe. They'll be our friends. I want you to get to know them. We're going to make a life here."
Crowley sighed and said quietly, "I know. I know. And don't call me babe. I don't like it. And you know it."
The Dirty Donkey - 2024
"We moved in together after I graduated. He rented a big house. A beautiful place, north of the city. We were going to live there forever. That was the plan."
Eric, who was listening attentively, asked him softly, "What happened?"
Crowley shrugged and replied a little bitterly, "The problem was, it was his plan, not mine. It always was. I just followed. "
Eric nodded, looking understanding, and Crowley shook his head before continuing, "No, I'm not being fair. I thought I wanted it too. I don't know. Anyway, I ended it."
Eric put his hand on his arm and said soothingly, "It was and is your right, Crowley. You don't have to justify or apologize, whatever your reasons, you had the right to end the relationship. Maybe for a while you thought you'd be happy that way, and then you realized you wouldn't. Time has taught me that happiness can take many forms, you just have to grab it when it's there, but also know how to let go when it's gone."
They both took a sip of their drink and Eric asked, "So who are you writing to?"
Crowley didn't answer right away.
He didn't know how to explain Aziraphale.
Faced with Crowley's silence, Eric added gently, "Sorry. It's none of my business."
Crowley shook his head and replied, "No, don't apologize. You're right, there is someone. "
He twirled his glass in his hands to calm himself and added, "It's kind of a...long-distance relationship."
Eric's eyes lit up with interest as he asked, "How long?"
Crowley sighed, "A long time...sort of."
"How did you two meet? "
Crowley blushed slightly and replied, "We didn't meet. "
"What?"
"We just write letters to each other."
Eric laughed softly and replied, "Is that a joke?"
Crowley shook his head again and replied, "No, I promise."
"You mean it's like a pen pal?"
Crowley nodded and Eric laughed again, but Crowley didn't join in and drained his glass before continuing, a little sadly, "That's the story of my life. Keeping everything at a reasonable, safe distance. Everyone... The man who loved me, who wanted to marry me, I pushed him away, I ran away, I kept running away. Whereas now, the one man I can never meet... I want to give him my whole heart."
Eric shook his hand and looked at him sympathetically, "So you've never really talked to him face to face? "
"Nev..." Crowley paused, suddenly realizing something, "No. Wait. Once..."
Furfur House - 2022
Crowley had to get out after his talk with Furfur because he really needed some fresh air. He felt more and more suffocated and knew that he was partly to blame.
He sat down on the stairs and, after a heavy sigh, suddenly realized that he wasn't alone.
Aziraphale, the blond guy in the old-fashioned suit, was there too, all alone.
There was silence, neither of them knowing what to say.
Then suddenly Aziraphale just smiled and said softly, "Happy birthday."
Crowley grunted and replied, "If one more person comes and says that to me tonight, I'll kill them."
Aziraphale looked apologetic and stepped back a little in surrender.
Crowley sighed and sheepishly replied, "Sorry for the reaction, I know it's no big deal. Just another year. I guess I'm not really in the mood to party."
Aziraphale replied, "Me neither, actually."
Crowley raised an eyebrow and asked, "Then what are you doing here?"
Aziraphale hesitated and replied, sitting down on the steps next to Crowley, "I was hoping... to meet someone."
"Who?"
"Someone Furfur told me about."
Crowley hummed and said, "Oh, I see, like a reunion?"
Aziraphale chuckled, "Something like that."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
Aziraphale sighed and replied, "Trying to find some courage."
Crowley smiled, "I understand. Better than you think."
He wrapped his arms around himself, feeling the chill of the night, and asked, "So you're the one who's going to find us a house on the lake, right?"
Aziraphale replied in a confident voice, "Yes, I will.
Crowley was a little taken aback by the certainty of his answer and asked curiously, "Are you a real estate agent?
Aziraphale laughed softly and replied, "Me? No! Absolutely not. But I do have a lake house."
Crowley looked genuinely surprised now, and Aziraphale spontaneously added, "And you'll be renting it when I move out."
Realizing his mistake, he coughed and pulled himself together, "I mean, you could. If you want."
Crowley, finding the other man a bit odd, asked, "When are you moving out?"
Aziraphale replied, "I'm not sure. I guess when you get your degree in astronomy?"
Crowley gave him a puzzled look.
"How do you know?"
Aziraphale wanted to punch himself in the head, he really wasn't good at lying, so he tried to make something up, "Furfur said you were in college and that's what you were studying."
He paused and the silence was awkward.
Crowley looked truly puzzled, and Aziraphale felt like he'd lost the thread of the conversation, if there was one.
Then Crowley asked him, "What makes you think I or we would like it? How can you be sure?"
Aziraphale replied earnestly, "You'll like it. "
Jumping from pillar to post, Crowley asked, "Can you swim? "
Aziraphale replied, a little surprised, not seeing what the other man was getting at, "Sure, I took lessons when I was a kid. At least my father gave me lessons."
Crowley shook his head and laughed before saying, "No, I mean, can you swim in the lake from your house?"
"Oh."
Aziraphale laughed with Crowley at his misunderstanding and replied, "Uh, no. We can't do that. It's an inconvenience. There's no path to the water."
"That's too bad."
Aziraphale nodded before adding, "Actually, I thought.... You'd have to see it, but since I've been there, I've had the idea that I could change it. Nothing major. But a few new elements could really change the house. A patio out back overlooking the lake. And stairs..."
Aziraphale paused, embarrassed by his enthusiasm when Crowley shouldn't have seen the house.
But Crowley continued his sentence, "Stairs down to the water? "
Aziraphale nodded eagerly, "Yes. That's it, a gentle downward curve.... That way we can walk out the back door and down to the lake whenever we feel like it."
"That sounds really nice. In fact, I think I might like it."
Then he turned his head toward the house, where the party was still in full swing, and sighed, "It's pretty late. Shouldn't you be getting back inside? If you want to find the woman of your dreams tonight?"
Aziraphale replied with a wink, "Actually, that would be the man of my dreams."
"Oh..."
"Surprised?"
"Oh no, not really, it's always nice to know that I'm not the only one swinging for the other side or a little bit of both."
Then Crowley gave him a teasing nudge on the shoulder and Aziraphale chuckled in response before adding, "To answer your question, I'm not interested in finding the man of my dreams, I'm much better off here."
Crowley blushed slightly at the implication of Aziraphale's words.
Aziraphale then asked him gently, "Crowley, have you read Persuasion by Jane Austen?"
Crowley gasped slightly and replied in surprise, "It's my favorite book. Why?"
"I have a friend who likes it."
Crowley replied with a half-smile, "Your friend has good taste."
"Yes, he has good taste." Aziraphale replied, a mischievous gleam in her eyes, before adding, "I've been meaning to read it. Could you tell me about it?"
Crowley paused for a moment and thought before answering. He wrapped his hands around his knees and began to speak, resting his chin on his knees, "It's about... waiting. These two people meet. They almost fall in love, but it's not the right time and they have to go their separate ways. Then, years later, they meet again. They have another chance. But they don't know if too much time has passed, if they've waited too long, if it's too late for things to work out.”
Aziraphale replied quietly, "That sounds sad."
Crowley shook his head and replied, "Oh, no, it's not. Not at the end. I wouldn't have read it, I hate books that don't have happy endings. I'll tell you a secret, I don't look like it, but I'm a huge fan of romantic comedies, you know."
Aziraphale winked at him and whispered softly, "Thanks for sharing that secret with me. I swear I won't tell anyone."
They sat quite close together, thighs touching, and Crowley straightened a little before turning his head toward Aziraphale, not seeing that the other man had also moved his face closer.
They stared at each other in silence for a long moment before leaning towards each other until their lips met.
They kissed for a long time, forgetting everything around them.
Crowley felt the sense of suffocation suddenly vanish, and Aziraphale felt he was where he belonged, both of them experiencing an incredible sense of adequacy, of harmony, at that very moment.
After a moment, they parted to catch their breath and Crowley moved back, saying hesitantly in a hoarse voice, "I don't know why I did it."
Aziraphale raised his hand and gently stroked his cheek, "We both did this, not just you, listen Crowley, there's something I need to confess to you, I..."
He was interrupted by the door opening behind them and they quickly separated before standing up at the same time, facing Arthur and Furfur.
There was an awkward silence until Crowley decided to break it, "Oh, Furfur, hi. Uh, Aziraphale was just telling me about his lake house. It sounds really great."
Furfur, his face set like stone, replied in an icy voice, "Great."
Crowley turned to Aziraphale and continued, "We're, uh, definitely interested. "
Aziraphale nodded and replied, "Good. I'll be in touch." He stared at Crowley for a few seconds, then whispered, looking at the ground, "I promise."
Arthur, his gaze dark, intervened, holding out his coat, "Aziraphale. It's late."
Aziraphale reluctantly followed, taking one last look at Crowley before heading to his Beetle.
The ride home was deathly quiet, and he dropped Arthur off in front of his house. As he closed the car door, the carpet seller said bitterly, "You know, if you didn't want to have anything to do with me, Aziraphale, you should have told me. I know I'm intrusive, but you never say anything because you never want to hurt people. But not saying anything can hurt too, you know".
Aziraphale now felt bad that he had really hurt Arthur's feelings, and he was really sorry, because even though he didn't want anything to do with him romantically, Arthur didn't deserve to be treated like that.
He said sheepishly, "Arthur, I'm really sorry. I... I'm not very good at this. I really like you as a... friend, but I don't want to go any further. I... I'm in love with someone else."
As he said it out loud, he realized his own feelings for the first time, and he knew in that moment that it was true.
He was in love with Crowley.
Arthur noticed Aziraphale's realization and his face softened a little as he replied, "It's going to take me a little while, but don't stop coming to the store or talking to me because of it, okay? I like you as a friend too, not just as a lover. I don't want to lose our friendship. So I'm probably going to give you a hard time for the next few days, but that's okay. We will be fine."
Aziraphale nodded, touched by Arthur's kindness and promising to treat his friend better, "I... I don't deserve it, but thank you. "
Arthur said nothing, closing the car door gently and heading home.
Aziraphale drove to the lake house, lost in thought, and was surprised to see the mailbox flag up.
He opened it and grabbed the note inside.
Oh, my God. It was you.
I remember you.
Why didn't you tell me who you were?
I'm waiting by the box, I know you're home at this time because I remember what time you left Furfur's house.
So you can answer me now.
Please do.
And once again started two years apart, another conversation, punctuated by the movement of the little flag.
A: You would have thought I was crazy.
C: But I liked you. There was something between us. This was our chance.
You should have told me.
A: What about your boyfriend?
C: What about yours?
A: He's not my boyfriend!
C:Well, he's not my boyfriend anymore!
A:He was then! I mean he is now.
C:Your "now", not mine! And maybe this "now" would be different if you'd said something then. Maybe now would have come earlier, or maybe now would be our now, not just my now, you know?
A: No! I don't know!
Crowley's apartment - 2024
Crowley reread their conversation, grumbled in frustration, crumpled up the letter, and threw it across the room in exasperation.
A missed opportunity.
Harry whirled around his feet and rubbed his legs as if to comfort him.
Lake house 2022
Aziraphale, equally frustrated by Crowley's lack of response, threw down his pencil and stomped toward the house.
Once inside, he slumped back in his armchair, sighing and gazing thoughtfully out the bay window as Harry lay down and rested his head on his feet, sensing his owner's distress.
_________
Still not beta'd
Still not my native language
Still hoping you'll enjoy this story 🥰
Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝
Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here
#good omens#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable boyfriends#aziraphale#crowley#good omens fanfiction#aziraphale x crowley#crowley x aziraphale#human au#alternate universe
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This might just be my two special interest bleeding into each other and blending together buuut... There are so many Vandermatthews coded mcr songs
Like, so many its unreal
Especially the first two albums, as far as im aware, the stories are kind of connected and the first album is about two lovers who are also criminals and then one of them dies in a gunfight and the other makes a deal with the devil to kill and bring him 1000 souls of evil men to bring his dead lover back, only realising way too late that the devil tricked him and he is the last evil man and then he kills himself knowing he will never see his lover again.
Thats just, hmmm... I guess its just me being delusional and absolutely insane about these two pieces of media but i can see it
#i need to meet some people who both mcr and red dead so desperately#i feel like those are two completely differend breeds of people but then how come i exist?#anyway im thinking about making a series of red dead fanart inspired by mcr lyrics#thats what inspired this whole post#because im feeling very inspired rn#so i will be spamming that very soon#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#vandermatthews#dutch van der linde#hosea matthews#my chemical romance#mcr#honestly dont know what possesed me to write this this should be staying in drafts where it belongs#but i guess i like being annoying sometimes
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#ryu ga gotoku#rgg#yakuza series#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#daigo dojima#ryo aoki#masato arakawa#snap sketches#im annoyed looking at this jaGELARKGJ#I LIKE MY LNIE ART BUT .... just nthing was clicking with me rtying to shade this#i only meant for this to be a quick thing today but i ended up mulling over it for longer than i wanted so im just throwing it out there#every time i make a rendered drawing of aokis office it always dark as hell like bro PLEASE you have a lamp#theres like ONE instance where i dont make it dark and it was in that goofy Rumor Mill comic#LIKE EVEN THAT COMIC ABOUT ARAKAWA BEING DEAD IT'S DAYTIME YET I STILL MADE IT DARK VJLAKJVAE#ridiculosu.#moving on ive wanted to draw them playing chess for months i just kept. Not Knowing How To Do It#whats funny is that i initially was planning an entirely different thing but i was thinking about that too much i got stressed#so . thats why i worked on this. and then i got stressed over this 💀💀💀#speaking of chess ive always wanted a chessboard birthday cake with edible pieces .. that a lotta work tho ...#i love chess ... am i good at it probably not but i still lke to play it on my phone sometimes ..#guess ill work on that other thing now that im free and i know what i wanna do now that ive slept on it ... lol ...#mk bye i dont like rendering
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my ass is not getting into heaven with these pink haired pete wentz pictures on my computer dawg 🤣
#sorry if ive been psycho posting for the last few hours#<- actually i have noooo idea what ive been posting maybe i made 3 whole posts but it feels like a lot#was supposed to be working on my resume but ive just been on flickr the whole day#now im on smugmug which.. didnt know people actually use that site#feels like a photospam website. the quantity of pictures from 1 show is more than i see ever#which i guess flickr is like a portfolio thing and smugmug is for posting on your silly blog spot yadda yadda who cares#do you sometimes feel like you can/have to talk constantly and you notice that youre being annoying but you cant stop it from happening#like yesterday i noticed i was just starting a convo every 3 seconds and annoying everyone else. im like that dumb fairy from loz#hey look at this hey did you know hey do you ever think about hey hey hey. like shut the fuck up bitch damn
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#gay lil punch & the hand going right back into his coat pocket lol#idk what this subplot was for but. cute#mash#i guess with that episode with the french lady. she was saying how sorry she was that he isn't much of a boy at all#bc he's never carefree and never lets himself experience the whimsy. it's good 2 see him experience the stupid stuff for fun#(also that ep was like. my family won't ever accept you with your unconventional ways => reading it with DOS being closeted..... poignant)#which is why i think him + klinger subplots are so fun. klinger is impulsive and wild and sometimes v basic#and drags charles into situations he'd never find himself in. and charles seems annoyed but when hes with klinger#he lets himself be 'stupid' and enjoys doing the stupid stuff. he's not verbally nice to klinger still.. calling him dumb and all but#i think klinger is such a great guy bc he knows that's how charles expresses himself and he's just afraid to let things happen to him.#and he keeps on going back to charles for his enterprises and adventures and includes him. and charles has changed a lot thru him u know.#anyways.
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God q!BBH is fascinating. His paranoia especially. q!Bad has called himself paranoid in character btw. multiple times. but the one example that immediately comes to mind is when he was talking to q!Aypierre. When people call him paranoid he doesn’t really say “Nuh uh” (at least not seriously - he’s become a little more self-aware) he says “okay maybe I am, maybe I’m not. but don’t you understand why?”
for q!BBH the price of potentially overreacting and hurting his friends’ feelings with his lack of trust is significantly outweighed by the price of an egg fucking dying because he decided to relax. He has been the deciding factor in a life-or-death situation for an egg multiple times. And his overreactions have saved lives. Obviously his developing belief that he’s like the Lone Responsible Caretaker of the Eggs is like blatantly incorrect but it didn’t come into existence in a void. It isn’t just one of his inventions it’s a consequence of other parents putting (whether purposely or accidentally) a lot of pressure on him that he tried and failed to escape from.
So he doesn’t care if he’s paranoid, he doesn’t care if his distrust hurts people, he doesn’t care about what’s reasonable or not - he cares about the eggs being alive. And if being unreasonable has kept the eggs alive in the past then damn you better believe he’s only going to get more unreasonable. And he’s not going to be sorry about it either, not while he feels responsible for every single child on the island.
#also people in real life experience paranoia so when people call q!bbh annoying or stupid for it… kinda makes me go Hm.#coming from someone w a personality disorder btw#and while I don’t experience paranoia as a symptom there are other aspects of q!bbh that I def relate to#idk I guess I’m just#like yeah sure he got defensive at q!Bagi and she probably didn’t expect him to go off on her like that but#experiencing paranoia does not make you less deserving of being acknowledged yknow?#anyway sometimes the way q!BBH is talked about kinda tows the line of ableism#am i being crazy rn? i don’t know#this is mostly about older twitter stuff that I’ve seen cropping up from wayyy back#I’ve had this in the drafts for a while but his convo w Bagi made it relevant again
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Man, I still remember participating in one of the many jjba zines that I took part in and how my piece was placed as the first page (for the second time) and how one of my mutuals/artists that I’ve always admired, hit me with the “oh… you’re on the front page again… 😅…” like man, that kind of killed me lmfao. I never got over it like man, what was that about.
#it’s not like i put the books together myself or anything all my ass did was submit my work#like this was from a really popular and well known artist as well like#their art has always been so gorgeous to me too I was like ‘I’m literally a nobody is this person really being shady or…’#rambling#I guess it’s nice being in a zine with ppl I don’t know or care to get to know at least now 😭… just submitting my art and running#referring to the jjk zine 😭 I need t start working on it uhh#zines make me feel so anxious man#it really did make me feel bad and almost guilty? I was like this is kind of awkward…#another zine I was in which was run by a mutual… well… I never even got my zine in the mail#and I even sent them $20 for some merch that they were making since I wanted to support and never got that either…#they deleted their blog but I see that they remade and draw a lot of DM and have a lot of popular posts here so it’s kind of awkward seeing#their art shared on the dash sometimes skeks#we’re still mutuals on Twitter but I don’t rly want to ask about my zine again or the $20 bucks#it’s okay like I owe other ppl stuff too I’m a late bird man but still loskekk#they were the mod for the zine too#I might hit them up again I guess I still love their art and they were always fun to talk to#there was another zine that I participated in where we had to purchase our own copy bro#i remember being so annoyed by that but went ahead and bought it anyway#I was invited to this zine so it made me even more annoyed#I#Guess it didn’t make its money back#or something like that but I remember being broke at the time and was pissed that I had to pay for my own book#I didn’t buy any of the merch because why when it was supposed to be free#if you’re participating in a zine the book and merch should be free
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Semi-continuation of this post.
I wish to discuss these scenes:
First scene: Robin and Nancy are about to escape Penhurst, and Robin rambles fact that it took her longer than most to learn to walk. Nancy is busy observing their situation and determining the best way to go.
Second scene: They had just made it to the car when Nancy says, "You really are a weird runner" in humor.
Third: A day or so later, they are in the Upside Down, and Robin has wandered ahead a bit. Cue Nancy bringing up this tidbit about Robin, again.
You may be asking why this matters. I'll tell you why. It's an example of Nancy listening. They were in middle of a stressful situation, and Nancy was also focused on planning, when Robin said that. Nancy didn't even acknowledge the words in the midst of it. One would assume she wasn't paying attention or was drowning out Robins rambles if they were annoying her. Instead, she immediately referenced it as soon as they were safe. It was an active sign that she had both heard and interalized what Robin was saying.
Now, it's one thing to respond to something right after the fact, and another entirely to remember much later. Many people can be good at pretending to pay attention when someone is talking too much. That doesn't mean that they actually take in the information you provide them. Nancy remembered.
I think I can say with full certainty that no matter how you interpreted Ronance's interactions in season 4, Nancy was listening the entire time. Not just allowing Robin to speak, but paying attention. Any irritation was never about how much she was speaking, only from the accidental insults being sent her way in the beginning.
Anyone who has a tendency to ramble or is autistic probably knows how valuable and somewhat rare it can be to find someone who is not only willing to let you speak about whatever, but actually listens to you. It's more precious than words can say. Especially if they don't already have a shared interest in the topic.
#it also makes me wonder about what Barb was like#idk i can just picture he being the kind of person to get very passionate about certain topics#and nancy would just listen and enjoy all this new knowledge and seeing the girl so excited#this is also about how people interpret Nancy#she didn't appear to be paying attention in the first scene but guess what anyone who thought that was wrong!#don't assume she's annoyed or whatever just because#the girl is just kind of bad at showing interest or care sometimes#but she really is a caring and kind person#nancy wheeler#robin buckley#ronance#autistic robin buckley#stranger things
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im happy my post is garnering discussion but honestly i wasnt around for 2018-2021 fandom on tumblr and i was mainly talking about how its kind of silly to get mad at people for portraying colonizer countries as mean, or calling it demonization and stuff. like its okay not to like personally portraying ur fav characters as mean or part of the state, but getting irritated at the fact that it exists or is popular imo kind of misses the fact that this… is the state and nation personification fandom. and its hard to say its not canon when canon did once portray the characters in uniform and at times involved in their state activities… like the early strips discussing western imperialism in china is literally ‘china being bullied by the allies’ ‘france wanting to grope china’ ‘china being treated like a maid’ etc etc like they were very much. the state LOL also china and japan’s canon relationship, as much as I have my issues with it, has an entire thing about china being stabbed by japan… i do feel like hetalia started out as a history nerd’s history exploration that blended humour with ‘what i find cute’ with satire etc etc, which inevitably involves illustrating the personifications as vessels of state and culture, and although the modern strips have deviated quite a bit… well, different people will approach this series for different reasons, right? Whether its serious or comedic content showing the characters as mean or imperialist or unpleasant, it’s not something that deviates too far from canon (if we take all canon eras into consideration) nor is it surprising given how history laden the topic is.
#diary#hetalia#hater tag#also have some issues with some things being called drama…#like i know some of u think of me and some others as drama stirring little devils#honestly i dont enjoy drama that much but ill become upset when i see things that i see as racist or insensitive…#because im of the opinion that this fandom requires extra sensitivity given the subject matter.#let people have fun#but#also be careful yk? i guess for me personally im always trying to be careful#when im out of my depth i try to talk to ppl with better understanding while doing my own research#and if ive written or expressed antyhing bad (which i certainly have even on this blog many times before)#i try to change my stances with new info… and like#this is important to me and its important for me to read ppls thoughts bc.#i know what its like to be treated racistly and dismissed. or to have things and history precious to me twisted#but anyways rambling aside… i guess what i want to say is i understand it seems annoying but#if you post something insensitive… and someone gets upset… then thats just how it is. hetalia is sensitive#again ive definitely posted bad insensitive things. ive been told im acting out of line.#and it sucks. but… sometimes you have to understand ur own irritation doesnt outweigh the hurt#and listen a little#sometimes i like things that i then find are insensitive or cruel. and id rather not engage with it than dismiss peoples hurt… or something#honestly i keep most of my whining private i promise JLKFHDJGLKFH BC FOR THE MOST PART I THINK I CAN TELL THE DIFF BETWEEN#when i have a real issue and when im just nitpicking#so i keep my more petty whining or basic stuff private#but if i see something egregious then i dont want to be quiet#and if a friend of mine (esp if theyre a kid) is upset or hurt by racism I dont want to be quiet
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Sorry if I'm annoying
#i know it's probably all in my head lol i just feel like im being annoying sometimes and feel the need to apologise#but i know that's even more annoying to bother ppl who don't actually find u annoying by apologising for being annoying#also I guess there are worse things to be than annoying it's just hard to internalise that#anyway feel free to ignore me lol
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what’s your favourite thing about your favourite driver?
i have been Thinking on how to phrase this… probably that lando is very very relatable to me 😭 lots of the things people hate about him are things i see in myself unfortunately LOL
his food icks… so real. coming across as perhaps brash or rude on accident… real. the swings from self deprecation to extreme confidence? real as hell. the random touchy moods? he’s so me. i can’t remember other things but i KNOW i have drafts that are like. “unfortunately i am a lando bc i too would do the goofiest shit to get my friends to pay attention to me” or whatever
#i’ve fully embraced being loud and annoying which has made me a far more confident and happier person LOL#i very rarely am like ‘am i annoying 🥺’ in my feels anymore bc it’s like.#yes bitch u are!!! and guess what that’s how you’ve made all sorts of friends!!!#i do worry sometimes that some day my personality will become an unsustainable performance#as i have kind of turned up the dial on some bits and turned down the dial on others#but idk . it’s working so far. i’m good at making friends bc i refuse to be afraid lmfao#and is it really a performance to fully accept who u are and be yourself dialed up to 100… idk.#ask
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