#but god dammit this is the ONE thing im sure about. not 80% not even 90%. but 110%. *this* is who i am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

akirameta84 · 3 years

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a scene written in the discord monarchy au, with me and @littleundertaletrash (Trash) as characters. it is not proofread because I wrote it late at night and just wanted to finish before bed. and even now its 2am so im just copying and pasting it onto tumblr. enjoy.

mentioned: @saikikslut (Moth), and @incorrect-saiki (my wife)

Honestly, what did they take her for? Swinging her legs back and forth, Akira was starting to get a little bit fed up. Time was of essence to her, and frankly no matter the payment, waiting over an hour to meet someone was a bit ridiculous. They had asked to meet her, not the other way around. What the hell has them held up? Having people schedule meetings to hire her was not uncommon, but usually they had the decency to show up. With her skill level as an assassin, she tended to be in high demand, so keeping her waiting was just asking for someone else to snap her up with a higher price.

Well, apparently just leaving was considered "rude" and "reputation ruining", and her wife promised her dessert if she stayed the whole time, so Akira wouldn't be ditching quite yet. Although another hour and she'd be at her wits end. Finally, thank god, it seemed Miss Has Better Things To Do had arrived, or the so called "Trash". She couldn't say anything about the name, (even though personally she thought it was, pfft, trash), nearly everyone had an alias. Only the truly close exchanged real names, like her and her wife.

Akira snorted when Trash walked into the room. The mask was hilarious, and it looked like she was trying to be cool to overcompensate for something else. Maybe her horrible sense of time? Not that she was still stewing over the wait time.

"Wow, I'm impressed you actually showed up! I was starting to think you'd ditched me," Never mind, definitely still stewing over that.

Trash just hummed noncommittally and gestured for her to follow, likely to a meeting room. Definitely playing at being overly edgy. People like this usually pissed her off, and it still did, but Trash was a faction leader, and likely very, very rich. Another reason not to loose her temper or ditch. This was also the first job she hadn't brought her wife to. They'd both agreed that a leader could be playing a trap, considering they had at some point definitely killed people on her side. If Akira died here today, her wife would be swift in making sure Trash's rule was tarnished. Permanently.

They reached the meeting room and she had to say, she was impressed. A large glass table sat in the middle, emitting a faintly blue glow. The walls were a deeper blue, while the floor a nice cream. At least Trash had some taste. It was still taking all of her will to not rip that mask off of her face, though. Sitting down, Akira stared into the emotionless face across the table. Jeez, she really was one of those types. Her charms rarely worked on the near emotionless, so she'd likely have to be on her best behavior instead. Tsk.

"Calm yourself. We'll get to that. I first want to know your success rate, and the weapons you use," Trash wasn't looking directly at her, almost like she was being dismissed. Okay, Akira would admit that she'd have to switch to "best behavior" mode. What an annoyance.

"Soooo, obviously you want to hire me. That's cool 'n all. I just want to know what you're paying," She started off, yawning. Okay, that was maybe a little, tiny bit rude, but dammit Trash had wasted her time first.

"Sorry, sorry. I stick to bladed weapons mainly. I've been known to have an 80% success rate," Akira kept her sentences short and choppy, otherwise she'd likely let something snarky slip. She had also fibbed a little bit on her success rate, but it'd be awhile until it was deemed safe enough to bring her wife. When working together, that rate was nearly a hundred.

"If you wish to work for me, sign this. I'll give you a bit to read it. Please don't take too long, I have other affairs to attend too," Akira resisted the urge to roll her eyes at that last statement. Did this meeting not count as an important affair? She gave a nod before turning down to the papers before her.

Trash hummed and reached behind them, pulling out a few papers. Where on earth did they get them from? Akira didn't recall a pouch or pocket. Whatever, it wasn't her business. The papers were slid across to her. A contract. She raised an eyebrow and looked at the leader. This early into the meeting? It reeked of suspicion. Trash must've seen her skeptical look, because she elaborated.

It was very detailed, she'd give her that. It layed out what exactly would be expected of her by working for the monarch, and all the other basics on seemingly every contract. She agreed with it, luckily. Of course before moving on to the section she wanted to see, Akira made sure to do a close inspection for hidden clauses or small texts. Trash didn't seem like the type of leader to play around, that was more Moth's cup of tea, but it never hurt to double check. Finally, she reached the payment section. And damn, was it a nice figure. Trash likely knew she worked for whoever payed the most, and was determined to have her. Mmm, she could likely double that figure if she brought her wife, but those were thoughts for the future.

As she looked up, there was a pen not so subtly placed next to her. Giving the paper one last glance over, she took a deep breath and grabbed the pen. Such a powerful person giving her this much freedom in the job, with a hefty pay? It would be a dream. Hesitating for a moment, Akira took another breath before signing her alias on the contract, and setting down the pen. Trash grabbed the papers and slowly slid them back over to herself, nodding. And if she looked hard enough, Akira would admit to seeing a small smirk on her face.

"So, you're with me then," Trash spoke up, breaking the lengthy silence. No expression sat on her face as they made eye contact.

"Well, unless someone pays me more..that'd be a yes," Akira snarked back, letting a grin cover her own face. Trash stood up, and gathered the contract papers in her hand, straightening them.

As the monarch walked towards the room's exit, she uttered something near Akira's ear, "Then each payment will get higher. I'm sure that will suffice," Something glowed in her hands, and was tossed back towards the assassin. Crystals? "You'll need these crystals, they are communicators of a sort. Do not loose them."

"Don't disappoint me," Ha, as if.

#discord monarchy #Akira scribbles #i woke up randomly at 2am and decided to post this oneshot I wrote right before bed

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kinktae · 4 years

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hi babe !!! i’m starting on my journey through the whole bitchin’ series today !!! and i just wanted to say that it really reminds me of that 70’s show (even if i know urs is set in the 80’s lmao) !!! and i want to congratulate u on the job well done !!!

All the bitchin’ asks I didn’t get to answer in time uwu. Spoilers ahead:

prince-jjk said: just read your beyond the story for bitchin’ and i literally cried twice 🥺 especially in the 10yrs later when, for the wedding gift, jk gives y/n the contract they wrote all the way back when they barely knew eachother, that part just made me be like skfkskckskfkd on the inside, that was adorable.

Anonymous said: bitchin is so soft 🥺 it was love at first chapter for me, i loved watching y/n and jk grow throughout the story both together and on their own and i love all the soft lil moments and reading every chapter warmed my heart so damn much 🥺 thank you 💕

Anonymous said: okay so i finally read bitchin’ all in one day and 🥺🥺🥺🥺 they are both idiots i love them sm,, thank u for writing such an incredible story!!💕💗💕💘💗

Anonymous said: MISS ROSE?!?!?!?! BITCHIN' IS BACK AND WITH YOUR BEHIND THE SCENES COMMENTARY?!?! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED MA'AM!! AND WELCOME BACK QUEEN WE'VE MISSED YOU AND THESE LOVABLE DORKS!!!!💛💓💙💕💜💖💚💞❤💘💗

Anonymous said: I LOVED WHAT YOU POSTED FOR BITCHIN OMGGG i actually LOVE seeing behind the scenes of writing so i really enjoyed reading about the details of bitchin. nOT TO MENTION HOW CUTE THE EPILOGUE WAS PLEASE I DONT THINK ILL EVER GET OVER THEM but overall i really liked it and thank you so so so so so so so much for this

Anonymous said: i swear Yara and Taehyung do be the cutest couple :(

beifong-bitch said: So im new around here and just started reading bitchin and oh god- I KEEP IMAGINING TAES VOICE SOUNDING LIKE THAT ONE SURFER DUDE FROM TOTAL DRAMA.

Anonymous said: beyond the story: bitchin’ got me so emotional like??? i think i can’t live without them:( thank you for this beautiful story🤧 you’re so talented

sapphireprinces5 said: can I just say that the fact you called it Behind The Story as BTS is so genius and the best chef’s kiss of the century. reading this made me tear up like I miss the two so much and to see them happy forever was just 🤧 it was so cool to see how the stories developed and your thoughts as you wrote them. thank you for giving this to us - probably one of the best gifts i’ve ever received as a reader. amazing, you’re amazing

mochiieberry said: JUST READ THE UPDATE FOR BITCHIN AND FINALLY I CAN START MY DAY(ignore the fact it’s 3 am :) ). But honestly after reading BITCHIN I questioned what happened afterwards and thank you for writing the behind the scenes and giving us 10 year update!!

ggukcangetit said: oh my gosh i was missing bitchin' and you posted the most incredible companion piece. also love how its called beyond the story (BTS) so sneaky rose (¬‿¬) you really spoilt us with the connect i am sad and happy so thanks for that. lastly, just wanna appreciate how much effort, hard work, and care you devote to your stories, characters, and readers. since you are a LOT younger than me imma go ahead and say this- uWu rose is the best liddol bean in the world. okay bye.

Anonymous said: I just wanted to say thank you for the extra bitchin' content! It's one of my favorite fics ever (mainly bc I am a woman in stem who takes shit from no man and I hardcore identify with yn) and to see how much you love the fic and genuinely get excited about the little details you slip in to make it more enjoyable for you to write just makes my heart !!! bc i love nothing more than hearing writers talk about their works with pride. love you lots and thank you for always putting out great content!

Anonymous said: Yara refusing to put a label on her relationship after 10 years sends me. For one thing, as an independent woman who is terrified of commitment, I can 100% relate lol. The titles she gives him instead killed me as well. Her outrage at the crustaceans was also so something I’d do. Like “no ma’am my best friend ain’t sign up for this and as far as I’m concerned she’s gonna get exactly what she wants”. Yara is my spirit animal.

Anonymous said: I have a lot of questions. #1- How dare you? Bitch I am sobbing. I love those Bitchin fools and I ain’t ever gonna stop loving them!

lee-u-ne12 said: I may have giggled one too many times during my "beyond the story: bitchin'" reading. Dammit it's just so cute! I found it charming how instead of just giving us an update on the characters you included some commentery on each chapter! Ngl i was rlly sad earlier but this made me smile :)

Anonymous said: I definitely noticed the sock thing and thought it was stupidly cute (like this entire fic tbh) and djjdjdjdjjd I wish I had commented on it when I first read it! I loved the behind the stuff and loved all the reasoning as to why you didn't want y/n to be a 'popular guy gave me confidence' type of character 👏 honestly loved it all thank you!!!!

Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR WRITING BITCHIN’!! ITS A WORK OF ART AND SO AMAZING QND I LOVE U SO MUCH MISS ROSE 😭😭😭💕💓💖💕💗💞❣️💖💝

Anonymous said: AHAHJAJAJAJJA THIS MADE ME SOOOOO HAPPY AND I HAVEN’T FELT THIS HAPPY AND SAPPY IN SUCJ A LONG TIMEEE!! i absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE READING THE BACKSTORY AND BEHIND THE SCENES OF WRITING THIS FIC AND THE 10 YEARS LATER AND WEDDING MADE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY AHAHAHJAHA I ALSO LOVE TAE AND YARA SO MUCH AND I LOVE THAT THEYRE SO HAPPY BRO AND LIKE THEY DIDN’T NEED A LABEL LIKE yES PERIODT!UGHUGHYGHI I LOVE YOU SO MCUH MISS ROSE AJHSJS I HAVE SO MUCG LOVE FOR YOUU 😭😭😭💖💓💕

Anonymous said: ROSE YOU SON OF A BITCH I LOVE YOU

cheeky-kookie said: ROSE, I am so happy this is the best birthday present wowza ily thank you bitchin' update I cry

Anonymous said: oh my gosh yara and tae are gonna get married someday and she's still gonna be like what? husband? you meaN my matChing riGg wEareR.

Anonymous said: Just wanted to let you know, I just read BITCHIN' AND IT'S THE BEST STORY I'VE READ IN A WHILE AND NOW ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITES. I would totally read it again in the future . Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us and you're awesome!

Anonymous said: Bitchin' was amazing. I cried. Thank you for writing it 🖤

Anonymous said: I think I've read bitchin like 3 times now but in never fails to put a smile on my face. The 80s slang kills me every time. Just wanted to say it's one of my favourite fics I've ever read :)

Anonymous said: i just finished bitchin’ AND IT WAS SO GOOD i cried at the end when it came full circle about the paper 😭❤️

Anonymous said: Hi I just binge read bitchin I’ve always ran into it but I hesitate Bc I knew it wasn’t completed I’m the worst but,,, ow. Ow. My heart physically melted you developed two characters so well and there’s no way I’m not going to reread again and again because of how good and genuine their relationship was. Uhh that’s it sorry I just wanted to let you know I’ll need money Bc my heart is unfunctional because of how full it is

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that you made me feel so 🥺🥺🥺🥺!!!! with bitchin', that it is one of my favorite stories ever and that it's just so amazing and well written i just- don't stop doing what you're doing please !!!!!

Anonymous said: hi sorry this is random but im a huge fan of your work! i havent checked in with tumblr too much lately but last night i binge read camellia, groovy, and bitchin and oh my goodness i was so enthralled !! you have such a wonderful ability to engage readers with such relatable and dynamic characters! like wowowow i cant wait to read more of your writing! thanks so much for putting in the time and effort you do to create your work, its great and im glad you get to share it with the world! 🌟

Anonymous said: hi so i may or may not have read all of bitchin in one night BUT I LOVED IT AND IM AMAZED BY YOU 🥺♥️

Anonymous said: hiii! bitchin’ has been the best thing i have ever read and im so sad that its over, but im so happy you wrote it! u are an incredible writer❤️❤️❤️

emdancing said: Hi! I’d just like to say I binged bitchin and i absolutely loved it! It just might be my favorite koo fic 💕 your writing is awesome and so are you!!

Anonymous said: i binge read bitchin this weekend and i don’t even like fanfics but kept seeing it get recommended so decided to check it out and i loved it 😭 jungkook in that fic is so perfect and cute (except for his mess up with kiri) and that note at the end got me emotional 🥺 your story and writing was too too good, i skipped all the smut but still loved it 💗 thank you for sharing one of the most heartwarming and lovely stories i have ever read! 🤧

lowlifeoeuvre said: Hi i just read bitchin and i only have one thing to say about it... A WHOLE MASTERPIECE MAN!! literally almost cried and actually made a very inhuman happy noise at the end. I will for sure be reading anything else you write or have written.

babeewiththepowerr said: I just finished reading Bitchin and now I’m crying 😢 it was soooo pretty and well written 💜

#ask

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willelbyers · 5 years

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Listen to Kids(Reprise) and give us ALL your thoughts ( (They don’t have to be coherent, just dO iT (: )

I hope the one by The Midnight bc I just turned it on. Enjoy my live blogging of it

Synth thingy opening. Like it

Stranger Things vibes with this whole beginning for sure

Oh monsters in the spare bedroom-

The ARCADE????

Moving away,,,,,,, okay okay okay

THE MALL ARCADE

Okay lots of monster talk,,,, I hear ya

Oh okay the best dropped I like this, nice little guitar bit here

It’s a little repetitive for a six minute song but like. I like it lol I’m gonna go listen to the prelude

Also just saying I LOVE this album art. Basically if you wanted to make me sad about the 80s and Stranger Things (and even IT, dammit!!) you damn well succeeded

EDIT: OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED WHATS UP IM SO DUMB WTF THIS IS A BYELER SONG WTF ITS ABOUT CHILDHOOD AND ARCADES AND MONSTERS AND MOVING AWAY AND BEING FUCKING SAD THIS IS A FUCKING BYELER SONG WHAT THE FUCK

#thanks for asking!#anon submission #stranger things #it #the midnight #byeler #byler

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norcumii · 5 years

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Reblogged from the prior tumbl, originally posted 02/04/2016. Question submitted by @makiruz. Slightly reformatted to avoid a readmore cut and whatnot.

In Full of Sith, they always ask new guests how they got into Star Wars. And you know? That's a good question, how did you got into Star Wars?

HEH. Oooh, that’s a bit of a loaded question. So I’ll give you the short answer, which I suspect would fit the thing you mentioned what I haven’t heard of; and then because I’m a wordy bastard what overshares, the long answer which is more accurate and has content warnings for self harm and suicide.

SHORT ANSWER

It was the 80’s. I was young, in single digits, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what age. I was already dealing with an irregular sleep cycle, though all I knew was I had a flashlight, a pile of books near/on my bed, and a thick pound puppies duvet to read under.

I don’t know if I was in my room or on my way to/from the bathroom, but I could hear my parents watching something downstairs. Swooshy noises, a shrill screee, and some thwoom bzzts.

Of course I went downstairs.

I don’t know if it was episode 5 or 6. I’ve a fondness for 6, but carbonite left a HUGE fucking impression on me, and my parents have always approved of muppets, so Yoda.

I knew I loved it. I didn’t have any toys, though I think somewhere there was a print edition of A New Hope running around. I do recall multiple sleepovers at my grandmother’s place – a tiny house on acres and acres of woods – and she’d sometimes pull out Return of the Jedi and we’d watch it together on her tiny TV. Later on I’d be in bed, staring out at woods and trees that I knew, but seemed huge to a little kid, and I’d dream of Ewoks.

RotJ was Gram’s favorite, and for many years mine, too.

I like Ewoks.

VERY LONG ANSWER

TW: mental illness, depression, self harm, suicide, abuse

In late elementary, early middle school, my brother and I were basically reading ANYTHING we could get our hands on. He sometimes dove into books that didn’t interest me, so I’d read the first of something and then be bored and he’d keep going.

Star Wars EU was one of those. It was too grim for me. I think I didn’t run into any of the really good writers. It was all Han and Luke and Leia on the covers, so take that for what you will. There also was no Wookiepeia, so I was depending heavily on the writers’ abilities to convey things to someone very visual, yet pretty impatient with descriptions, so it never took.

I was in high school when The Phantom Menace came out. Mine honorable brother was off at college, so it was with great excitement on my part, and bemused tolerance on my parents’, that they and I went off to the theater.

On the one hand, I was dazzled.

On the other, there was Jar Jar. There was the fact that I hadn’t been impressed with the re-release of the OT – Han shot first. FITE ME. There was the fact that TPM didn’t feel like Star Wars, which was darker and grittier and…simpler to me.

So I wrote it off. Packed Star Wars away as “one of those things” that I’d been into, but felt like I was moving past. I was obsessed with Gargoyles, I was looking at going to college, and I would keep m’damn ewoks without needing to try to extend that vision with gungans.

College sucked. I went in, not sure if I wanted to go into English, for writing, or Psych, because I had always been what I’d now call The Mom Friend. I met a nice guy who tried, but things never really clicked between us, and there was an interesting bit that he was mad about Star Wars and insisted that I read the Rogue Squadron books.

That was a Good Decision. Dating him, not so much.

I had a huge assortment of Life Issues. Got into an abusive relationship that would end up lasting 14 years. Transferred schools. Got the fucking Psych degree, though literally only by the grace of a professor who didn’t want to see the kid not graduate just ‘cause she couldn’t numbers and I did go in and try. Talked to him and still couldn’t with the maths but the effort was there to bump me a few points above failing.

I was burnt out. I was depressed. I tried killing myself a few times – not very good at it, as you can see. Took up self-harm as a coping mechanism. Failed in the still never successful search for a decent therapist in Pittsburgh. Got a job slinging food, because needed some kind of income, and people without pressure was nice. The keeping on a schedule thing failed, leading to an average of 4 hours sleep a night. Losing contact with family and friends because I couldn’t stand the pressure of “how are you?” and “what’s going on in your life?” Clinging to Warcraft because repetitively farming was better than clawing open my back or neck again, and the people there were ok with some rando dropping out of sight on a dime, and only a persistent few had the grace and spirit to make it past some serious defensive issues of mine.

I stopped writing. Stopped caring about Gargoyles, stopped being able to see into that AU I’d made for myself of a crazy clan and the weird human who survived cancer with them.

Stopped going on IM, for the same reasons I stopped talking to people.

I still kept track of some folks via LiveJournal. A handful of the Gargoyles folks who were determined, gods know why and thank you, since I know several are here on the tumbles and I genuinely love you to bits.

I quit my job after five years, because enough was enough between the fact that it had all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship and I was fucking tired of being a manager without any actual authority, and the endless hamster wheel of hiring and people quitting because it was a nice, but highly dysfunctional place.

I missed the customers, though. Several of them are here too, and it’s kinda funny ‘cause I know in at least one case I talked to them about Star Wars. I still hope they’re not too shellshocked that I kinda went down the rabbit hole pretty deep.

Started getting more sleep. Not less anxiety, not less depressed. Tried out a few depression medications, with very mixed results.

Then one day @dogmatix came into the LJ area I still hung out in. Enthusiastically recommending to all and sundry that if there is even a shred of interest in Star Wars, THERE IS THIS THING YOU SHOULD READ.

She drew a Wookiee. That was a character?

I’d always liked Wookiees.

And I needed something to read.

Star Wars was one of those things, from back in the day before things went to shit. Low investment, since if I didn’t like it or didn’t care, then eh. Whatevs. Dogmatix was one of the Gargs holdouts still in my circle (or whatever it is that I was hovering at the edges of), and in the past I’d liked her recommendations more often than I disliked them.

I’m also endlessly weak to her art.

Wookiee.

So I did that thing. That so many of us here have done. It took me about 2 weeks to get through Re-Entry. It had trouble taking root in the depression, but Obi-Wan going crackers was something I could empathize with and appreciate.

There was the hope that had been missing from the EU novels I’d tried reading back in the day.

There was Wookieepedia, which meant I could stop and see what a Nautolan was. I had tabs open for DAYS so when someone named Adi or Gallia who were apparently the same person? I could see who that was. I got stupidly distressed that Abella didn’t have an entry, until I twigged and checked for a Chitanook, and holy shit I could never tell what character was going to crop up as canon, obscure EU character, or home brewed.

I honestly expected to set it aside, get updates as they happened, and gradually step away because that’s how things were going at the time.

But I still needed something to read, to stave off empty hours when my brain was too full of screaming.

On Ebon Wings. I’d loved The Crow when I’d seen it back in high school, and that story tapped into the powerful visuals and the lovely message I’d adored and in ways I still don’t quite understand it somehow validated that I could be mad and still be ok. Maybe. Maybe not now, but someday.

Maybe.

So I gave in and got a Tumbl. I’d been a stubborn holdout, regularly checking the same half dozen feeds daily because dammit, I don’t wanna go through the trouble and I was close to giving up on LJ and another journaly thing? That was stupid. But I wanted to follow Flamethrower and Dogmatix, and it made it infinitely easier to follow several blogs (and oh GODS one of those is a mutual and holy fuck I swear I screamed the day that happened and it’s still a high to realize).

Dogmatix wrote Möbius and Accidental Timeshare, wherein Venge goes universe hopping. That’s also a weakness of mine.

I’d been kvetching IRL about the treadmill and wanting something to watch, and someone mentioned in Dogmatix’s feed The Clone Wars – which conveniently was on Netflix. So I figured what the hell. I was disinclined to like clones – ‘cause yeesh, they’re the reason the Jedi all died, and yeah, ok, the Order was SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, but.

I still had never seen Episodes 2 or 3.

I turned on the Clone Wars movie, and within ten minutes I nearly fell off the back of the treadmill due to crying.

THIS was the Star Wars of my youth. THIS was what I remembered. A little grim. Lots of quips.

That sound. Lightsabers igniting. A-wings rumbling overhead. Blasterfire, and that music.

I had to stop and calm down and for the first time in ages WRITE [, because I just had to ramble about how it all hit me in the feels]. I had no idea I’d missed this.

By the end of the movie I’d decided ok, I wanted more. Wasn’t sold on these clone fellas, and damned if I could tell one set of armor from another (this is ALSO due to the treadmill screen being calibrated to be a compromise of a very short person – me – and a very tall person, which means neither person gets a decent view but that’s not what the treadmill tv is for).

I’d been told there was an order to the episodes, but I didn’t care. Continuity is for those who think about the future, and I was still regularly suicidal.

So the first episode I watched was Yoda romping around a planet, playing with droids while three clone troopers tried to babysit his mad little ass.

They had me, all in one episode. I loved these guys. They had individuality, I could tell them apart by the voices (which is sometimes just as important to me as visuals) even if I couldn’t name them, and the personalities –

They were loyal. Their primary concern was old batty Yoda which I had adored as a child because MUPPETS. They were willing to die to keep him safe and there was this lovely reciprocity in taking care of each other and all of them, clones and Jedi alike were doomed to extinction and I don’t think I knew yet HOW the clones were except they weren’t in the OT so there was shit going down.

Tragic figures, loyal found family, incredible voice acting, Batty Old Yoda who OH YEAH FUCKING KICKED SO MUCH ASS I COULD NEVER GET ENOUGH.

I wanted to keep those three clones. I was willing to keep them all.

Final blow, that knocked me into the fandom so hard I’ll be surprised if I ever leave?

THIS.

The origins of Balance. This is the post that started a simple notion, to try to write something when I’d gone….anywhere from 7 to 10 years of not writing A SINGLE. DAMNED. THING of substance – and that was after thinking I might try to get a degree related to it.

Darth Wraith was a tentative idea. I was scared @deadcatwithaflamethrower would be irked I wanted to play in her sandbox (oh my gods I was inserting myself into a conversation with her this amazing person who wrote blindingly well and so damn much and how the FUCK was I daring to speak up about a silly half DREAM I’d had because once again I couldn’t sleep).

Then, because I was trying to break out of the depression, the cycles of mental ill health, and if I was on this tumbls thing, fuck it, I’d try the IM thing again.

I’d been gone long enough that pretty much no one on my contact list was still there. That…was ok. There wasn’t the pressure.

And Dogmatix popped on, asking if I wanted to share details about this Sith Qui-Gon thing.

I had A SCENE. ONE. SCENE. And she was spinning it off into this EPIC, which at first I was gleeful because she had neat ideas and I couldn’t wait to see what she would do with it and then wait, she’s not talking about writing it herself, this is more about something WE could work on.

Thank gods it was IM, because I had a little panic about commitment to a project when I regularly was sure I wasn’t going to see tomorrow and if I didn’t wake up one morning that’d be MORE than ok.

Still. There was that itch. The visuals in my brain. The characters I’d started to like in Flamethrower’s universe, which had formed my mental voices for them.

The only sound in my head for so long was just screaming.

Writing down that scene in Knock On Effect, where Venge meets Wraith – that felt good. It never changed much from the first draft to what was posted. The rest grew, and quickly. It was clear if we were doing this, then there were multiple stories, spanning in universe years.

And then there were spinoffs. Wonderful ideas and plots spiraling away from this one notion, and gods I wanted to write about those glorious clones.

How’d I get into Star Wars?

Chance. One strange little step at a time, and a bunch of miracles and horrors that kept me bleeding but not dying. Damn good fic. The kindness of friends. The generosity of strangers.

The tragedy of a once great order of space monks, and their allies-forced-to-be-betrayers clones.

One little picture, of Qui-Gon Jinn with Sith eyes.

#tumblageddon #reviving from the purge #star wars #tw #self harm #suicide #depression #mental illness #abuse #emotional #Norcumi has Opinions again #deadcatwithaflamethrower #dogmatix #i did not expect to cry when writing this #star wars saved my life #literally

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cerealmonster15 · 5 years

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(anon from the other day sorry i was gone lol) buddy me too i am on anon for a reason but it's so nice to infodump i totally feel u!! i cant speak for all ur followers but in my adhd having opinion i loooove seeing people gush abt their hyperfixations/special interests/stuff they love!! :D [owain voice] it gives my heart wings!! (1)

[im just gonna screenshot the other parts and paste them as i answer them to keep it all together c:!]

BWAHH THANKSSS if u ever wanna come off anon im 1000% down for jammin about fe forever lsjkfjsd naga knows i can t a l k. OWAIN WOULD SUPPORT US ;A; i too like seein people get super HYPED it’s so sweet and fun when people are havin a good time ! i still worry that i overdo it kjdsfbkj but i am glad it’s not a bother for u :D [the rest are gonna be in a readmore]

DKLSJFD YEAH HONESTLY ,, when i started conquest at the decision chapter i fuckin LOST the first time and was like ,, well,,,,,,, hmmmmm...... this is going to be Difficult LOL cryin... IM SO SAD BC THE NEXT CHAPTER I HAVE IS CALLED POSSESSED AND LIKE,,, I PLAY FEH,, I HAVE POSSESSED TAKUMI,,, I PLAYED BIRTHRIGHT I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I DONT LIKE IT !!!!!!!!! i misss himmmmmmme the entire time i played birthright: i miss leoooooooo i miss elise im so sadddddme the entire time ive been playing conquest: i miss takumiiiiiiii ryoma is disappointed in me and im so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd and also the spoilers ive heard for what’s about to happen make me 80 times as sad i dont wannaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god the end of chapter sakura w/everyone being so upset and hans + iago ruining everything LIKE ALWAYS was just. so awful. the hoshidans are so heartbroken and depressed and im SO UPSET IM SO SORRY SAKURA + CO I LOVE YOU EVEN THO YOU HATE ME RN ;0;

JDKSLKFHDS HONESTLY WHEN I MARRIED SILAS I WAS LIKE,,, SHIT,,, I HAVE A TYPE AND IT’S GOOFY + LOYAL RIDE OR DIE BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS WHO ALSO HAVE SORTA BLUE HAIR I GUESS FKDSLJFKLSDJ and effie is so pretty i cry,, and her lines crack me up sfkjldsjkfjkds i love when shes guarding the prison and she says something like “this prison doesnt seem very secure. why dont the prisoners just bend the bars and leave?” and im like EFFIE.............................. MY LOVE...... WH................... DSLKJFL

omg ok with dating sim type games i typically make them like,,, meish, but with fun colored hair LOL so my first one in birthright has my name and similarish hair to me except it’s pink LOL , but then when i play as boys i tend to play more of a character ? tho this one is sorta just boy me with wild purple hair lksfjds, his name is Tino bc it’s partially a section of my not first name and also “cupertino” was a family name in my fam that i always thought sounded kinda cool *w* tino loves his strong wife and is bffs with keaton (THEY WERE KICKING ASS TOGETHER AS DRAGON AND WOLFSKIN SO IM LIKE,,,,, UR BESTIES NOW IT’S CANON) . and i like to imagine leo and corrin are really close bc theyre close in age so i made sure to make them really close :3 AND ALSO ODIN AND ELISE BC FAVES LOL.....

rev is probs gonna be me again bc like. im marrying odin. im in love w/him i gotta do what i gotta do fdskjlfjsjlk [THO IM FOREVER SALTY ABOUT HOW THOSE SUPPORTS GO HHHHGHHGHFD CORRIN DONT BE A COWARD AND BE NICER TO ODIN DAMMIT]

What’re ur corrins like,,, eyes emoji,,

WHAHH NO UR GOOD !! listen any lore is good lore for me , I REALLY WANNA HEAR ABOUT BRADYS CLINIC, i remember u talkin about him and owain in that one and also brady in feh mentions it and it MADE ME SO SAD MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOU BRADYYYYYYYYYY

i need to replay awakening so i can actually get kjelle this time ;w; I RAN OUT OF MEN IM SORRY SWEETIE SKLJFSD

me cryin at intsys why wont u let chrom hold mrobins HAND they r in love,,,,, god if they made an awakening remake id cry and marry chrom 50 more times fjkslfdjdsls

PLEASE YOU GOTTA THEYRE SO FUNNY I CRY SKLLFJSKLFDS

IM GONNA POST SOME OF MY FAVE 4KOMAS HFSDKJFSJK LOOK

I THINK ABOUT THOSE TWO ALL THE TI M E JFKDSFLJS

also odin and niles are banned from the kitchen forever and i. i die:

cooking with niles uhh corrin voice: i would prefer not to fsdklfjslkdfjksdl

i saw a fancomic just like this one and i just think about both every time i put kaze or the other ninjas in the arena fkjlsdfjdsklj POOF , alas,

im in love with these two oh my god. this + skimming through felicia’s and ryoma’s supports similar to these comics made me dead set on s supporting them together when i play revelations because oh my god this is the cutest thing ive ever seen in my entire LIFE . ryoma!!!!!!!!! you blushy dork !!!!!!!

RYOMA RIPPING OFF HIS SHIRT AND TAKUMI BEING LIKE BROTHER NO WHAT THE FUCK FSJDKLFJSKL IT’S SO FUNNY , and these two have a fun rivalry about corrin fjskdflskl ive skimmed their supports and it’s Amusing

but like, best one is still

THESE STUPID LOSER BROTHERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FJSDKLFHGHH i cant fuckin wait to play rev and to force everyone to be best friends . also the first 60000 times i read this one i didnt even notice the arrow so i thought leo just saw a far away enemy headed for them and just punched him about it fkjsdlfjds

god theyre just

so funny

#Anonymous #asks

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wafflesandsyrup · 6 years

Text

About Me~

“tagged” by @vontacompton.

My Last:

1: Drink: Water, but maybe wine by the time this post is through. 2: Phone Call: @catneepx, an angel. 3: Text Message: Mom! 4: Song You Listened To: “Doesn’t Remind Me” by Audioslave 5: Time You Cried: Like five minutes ago. Not even an exaggeration, I cry over everything, and it’s triggered by every emotion. This time it was because I watched The Iron Giant for the millionth time.

Have You Ever:

9: Lost Someone Special: Yeah boi 10: Been Depressed: Yeahhhhhh boiiiiii 11: Gotten Drunk And Thrown Up: Once! I can’t even think of drinking a gin and tonic anymore. But I took it like a champ. It was super funny then and now, lmao. 12: Three Favorite Colors: Red, Blue, and Gray/Black tbh

In The Last Year Have You:

13: Made New Friends: Yes! More before I moved, but I have made a handful of friends recently. 14: Fallen Out Of Love: Nope! 15: Laughed Until You Cried: Absolutely. 16: Found Out Someone Was Talking About You: lol yeah 17: Met Someone Who Changed You: I don’t think so! I’m usually who changes myself. I don’t think I have ever changed because of someone else. 18: Found Out Who Your Friends Are: For sure. I don’t tolerate disrespect or pettiness lmao 19: Kissed Someone On Your Facebook list: My husband, so yes! 20: How Many Of Your Facebook Friends Do You Know In Real Life: All of them, even if I knew them briefly. 21: Do You Have Any Pets: I have a dog! Back in MO, I have another dog and a cat, who I miss a shit ton. 22: Do You Want To Change Your Name: No, though it was hard to let go of my last name when I got married. I’ll always hyphenate it on unofficial documents lmfao. My new one is pretty unusual, though. 23: What Did You Do For Your Last Birthday: I made a booze cake and drank at home, since Brendan won’t be 21 until October and I had no other friends in WA lol. 24: What Time Did You wake Up: 9:30 25: What Were You Doing At Midnight Last Night: Playing Skyrim 26: Name Something You Can’t wait For: I can’t wait to visit home in July, for the short term, and I can’t wait to achieve my goal of being a forensic nurse. 27: When Was The Last Time You saw Your Mom: November. I miss her so much. I am her number one fan. I’ll talk about my mom to everyone, she’s so smart, funny and pretty! 28: What Are You Listening To Right Now: Chopin’s “Ballade No.1 in G minor, Op.23″-- I’m planning on learning this on the piano soon, and I grew especially attached to it after watching Your Lie in April tbh. 29: Have You Ever Talked To A Person Named Tom: Actually, no.

General:

30: Something That Is Getting On Your Nerves: Boredom tbh, but that’s nothing new. My inability to relax, too! I just want restful sleep god dammit. 31: Most Visited Website: YouTube probs 32: Hair Color: Dirty blonde?? Light brown maybe?? some copper is in there too?????????? Idk anymore. 33: Long Or Short Hair: Short right now, though I want to have medium-length hair for a while before having long hair again. 34: Do You Have A Crush On Someone: I’m married, so I obviously do lmfao. 35: What Do You Like About Yourself: I like my personality-- I like making people laugh and how I look on the bright side of life (since I used to be a real big whiny pussybitch). 36: Piercings: Ears 37: Blood Type: Ok i’m gonna be fr I have no idea what my blood type is so if i need blood immediately i’m fucked 38: Nickname: Syrup! 39: Relationship Status: Married to my fav human. 40: Zodiac Sign: Capricorn 41: Pronouns: She/her 42: Favorite TV Show: the X-Files, though I also like Parks and Rec. 44: Right Or Left Handed: Right 45: Surgery: I got my tonsils removed as a kid (super shit) and my wisdom teeth removed (also suuuuuper shit). Once I am done losing weight, I’m going to have a breast reduction because this shit is out of control. 46: Sport: Softball/baseball 47: Vacation: I would like to visit Europe (particularly Ireland, England, Germany, and Italy) and Japan, China, and Korea. In the US I would like to visit each state at some point. 48: Pair of trainers/Sneakers or Tennis Shoes: I call them tennis shoes, and I have a nice black pair of running shoes which are super comfy.

More General:

49: Eating: an apple lol 50: Drinking: wine 51: I’m About To: fold laundry and play more Skyrim, probably, maybe, hopefully. 52: Waiting For: Death to Take Its Inevitable Toll on my Flesh Prison 53: Want: hugs, friends, to be able to eat like a fat piece of shit w/o being a fat piece of shit lmfao help 54: Get Married: check 55: Career: I want to be a forensic nurse. I love working with the human body, always have, and I have always been fascinated with the forensic industry. I’ve wanted to do something that makes me happy and does something to get justice for people who have been hurt, and the moment I decided upon this career path I felt like everything finally made sense. A huge weight left my shoulders, that’s for sure.

Which Is Better:

56: Hugs Or Kisses: Hugs! I love hugging. I hug everyone bc I have a lot of platonic love to give every single person. 57: Lips Or Eyes: yo’ peepers! 58: Shorter Or Taller: I’d say similar height or taller because I am incredibly short, but personality is what seals the deal for me in the end. 59: Older Or Younger: about the same age, give or take a year (since my husband is about a year younger than me), or older. I wouldn’t be able to stand someone all that much younger than me if we’re being honest here lmfao 60: Nice Arms Or Nice Stomach: Stomach?????? 61: Hook Up Or Relationship: Relationship, for the other person’s sake. I’m too much of a goof for hooking up and I’d make someone feel insecure for cracking a joke in the middle of some sort of sexual encounter. It is literally impossible for me to take sex seriously. Also, I just prefer the companionship part of relationships over the physical. 62: Troublemaker Or Hesitant: Troublemaker, but not like... a felon or anything. Just goofy, without shame, and kind of annoying. Like me. But being reasonable when appropriate is important, too.

Have You Ever:

63: Kissed A Stranger: Yeahhhhhhh, immediate regret (cigarette mouth!). 64: Drank Hard Liquor: ya 65: Lost Glasses/Contact Lenses: every gd day dawg. and it’s partially because in order to find my glasses I need my glasses to see them. 66: Turned Someone Down: hoooooooo boy, yes, yes, yes. 68: Broken Someones Heart: HOOOOOOOOO boy, yes. I was always caught off guard by it, because I never see someone as potential relationship material, but always as bff material, until they make it explicitly clear. It just wouldn’t feel right to assume they may have a thing for me. So, most of my friends in life have been guys, and I have had to deal with a lot of uncomfortable confessions and rejection from said pals. I hate hurting people, and they’re often very hurt by my rejection, and I end up losing friends over it. I don’t even like thinking about it lol. 69: Had Your Heart Broken: Yup! Abusively and tragically. Some Carrie shit, haha. It doesn’t impact me now, except for making me angry. 70: Been Arrested: I’m a straight edge dude. 71: Cried When Someone Died: Duh 72: Fallen For A Friend: I can’t fall for someone unless we are friends, so yes! Brendan was my BFF for a while until he told my oblivious ass he wanted to date me.

Do You Believe In:

73: Yourself: Yes! The only person you can always depend upon, no matter what, is yourself. 74: Miracles: hmmmm, maybe. I’ll say yes, but my skeptical mind will always question. 75: Love At First Sight: Attraction at first sight, maybe. I believe in friendship at first sight, if we’re being honest. I see someone and just get this feeling that we could be awesome friends. Love is something much more deep rooted for me. 76: Santa Claus: I believe in My Dad 78: Angels: I’m not sure. I’m open to the possibility, due to the limitations set by existing as a human, but I’m not Christian or anything. I feel like there’s “something” out there, but I’m just a dumb human and will likely never be able to know for sure. I think human beings can be deemed angels.

Other:

79: Current Best Friend’s Name: Casi/Stephanie (I love them both so much my dudes). 80: Eye Color: Green/Hazel (more green than hazel tho-- it’s really cool because i have a fleck of gold in one of my irises, and my grandma has the same fleck of gold) 81: Favorite Movie: I couldn’t narrow it down to one. I love the LOTR movies, The Sixth Sense, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Spirited Away, Saving Private Ryan...... the list goes on forever. My family has always been a big movie family.

im not tagging anyone lol

#long post #tagged

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thorodnson · 7 years

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RAGNAROK WAS VERY GOOD GUYS

review because i have a lot to say about this movie, and all spoilers are under the cut!

soooooo i was so hype to see My Boy™ again and he was so good i could cry like thor is the best???? the actual best??? i love him so much??? the fight in his intro scene is wow. just wow. i was like ‘okay yeah so this is a god yes good’. Basically this is a movie really centre on thor (thank god) and i feel like a lot of people are going to like him more after this movie and i’m so happy about it!! because he’s funny! he’s nice! he’s powerful! he has a shirtless scene!!!

- it’s probably my new favourite marvel movie now (even if winter soldier is still the best)

- great music, like ALWAYS great even if it’s an orchestral theme, a 80s retro synthwave vibe or immigrant song it was amazing and i didn’t know a movie could have all these types of music and not be ridiculous

- Valkyrie... my girl... my first born... stay safe i love you

- i NEED to know more about asgardian art and history of art like right now

- one of my favourite thing is the relation between thor and loki, and LISTEN it’s not even about thorki, quite the opposite because i realised halfway through the movie that it was the first time that i actually felt like they were siblings. It’s the ultimate “‘no officer i have no idea who this person is’ and ‘fuck them all i will die with you if i have to’ with no in between” trope and i love it?? i feel like if they were portrayed like this from the start i wouldn’t have ship it (but TOO LATE rn i want 256752 fics about them in ragnarok)

- need more idris elba in the next movies thanks

- my main complaint is that the movie wants to be fun first (and it is!) and it’s sometimes at the plot’s expense or even the context’s expense. Sometimes things are told just to get a laugh out of you and it doesn’t really work with the intergalactic setting or just the personality of the character. But i guess the casual viewer doesn’t really care about that. It would have been great divided in 3 movies to really get into things, because everything was too ‘fun and fast’ and it’s a bit upsetting because all the ideas were here but there wasn’t time to really develop them

- update: need more idris elba and GIRLS where was Sif dammit

- Thor is stronger than the hulk even without his hammer it is now a fact thank you goodbye

- his eye..... my baby.... what have they done to you.... but at the same time oh my god he was so hot with all the lightning around him, fuck you could almost feel his power FINALLY a real god of thunder i could cry

- hela was a generic villain i was kinda hoping for more? again, i’m pretty sure her plotline would have been better with 2 more hours but still

- i don’t know how to feel about the whole thor/valkyrie thing? which isn’t really a thing in the movie but... there was something? i love them both but together huuum but at the same time thor looking like a little boy in awe at a valkyrie is so cuuuute so i’m not totally against it

- also how old is she now???

- let’s talk about art and history or art with the mosaics and these very christian-looking halos around people like Odin or, i don’t know, LAUFEY?????? TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT ASGARD HISTORY I WANT TO KNOW how was the peace treaty accepted by the people? did they begin to like the Jotuns or was the mosaic just propaganda? how did people perceive the change in Odin policy after the Hela debacle? the fact that he locked his daughter away? How did people forget that??? historians are probably people sworn to secrecy because of all the shit Odin had to cover up tbh

- please let the brucenat thing die i don’t want it

- i d o n t c a r e a b o u t d r s t r a n g e i don’t care about your sherlock joke i don’t want him near thor i don’t even want him near loki

- but the friendship between valkyrie and hulk was cute! i hope they’ll keep it between her and bruce if they can

- the last scene between thor and loki was the death of my thorki shipper heart just because of the ‘i”m here’ and then NO HUG??? TAIKA YOU COWARD

- but K I N G T H O R and loki by his side okokokok im alright

And to end this very long review: MATT DAMON AND LUKE AND SAM NEILL.

#i probably forgot a lot of things but there #ragnarok #ragnarok spoilers #thor spoilers #ragnarok review #clem talks #basically it was super fun and thor is the love of my life #what is new #long post

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lesbrarians · 6 years

Text

lacertae-dreamscape replied to your post “So ages ago I saw a post that was something to the effect of like,...”

i only watched one, meet the robinsons (unless i read about the santa clause and i know it, but by title alone im not sure)

I only just saw this! But omg you should watch all of them -- The Santa Clause is my family’s holiday movie, I’ve seen it literally every year for the last 21 years. I can recite it all by heart. I love it so much bc like, for a movie where Tim Allen becomes Santa Clause, it’s so like.... realistic?? Like, divorced father trying and failing to have a nice Christmas for his son, tensions between him and his ex-wife’s new husband being a better parent then he is, everyone criticizing him for letting himself go when he starts gaining weight when he becomes Santa and telling him to get help, him not believing it himself (”I see it, but I don’t believe it” “You’re missing the point. Seeing isn’t believing. Believing is seeing. Kids don’t have to see this place to know that it’s here. They just... know.” and then his whole conversation w his doctor, trying to find explanations for why he’s gaining so much weight and rapidly growing facial hair and going grey and having mood swings), then losing visitation rights bc people are concerned about him having delusions and the effect it’s having on the child... like idk, it’s hard to explain, it’s just a very. True to life portrayal of how relationships work and how people would react to this kind of thing happening in the real world.

And Fievel (An American Tail, I always just called it Fievel bc that’s the main character’s name) is just. The best. I sob disgustingly every time he reunites w his family at the end. Like actual tears. If you’ve ever watched Brooklyn 99, I lost all my shit at the whole “Papa!” “Fievel! part of the Pontiac Bandit oh my god. Also “Somewhere Out There” still makes me very emotional bye. I was tiny when I saw this for the first time, and I think I have a vague memory of me asking my mom to sing me that song at bedtime?? I was small. Oh and I also memorized the song in French when I was in high school.

And The Breakfast Club is the best movie to ever come out of the 80s ever. The scene where they all talk about why they’re there is so good, and so goddamn relatable, it kills me. And it was unscripted! Also I know “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” gets like spoofed all the time but god fucking dammit, I love that song and am like YEAAAAAHHHH BOI every time at the end.

And I hate bugs but James the Giant Peach actually makes me like them. A core cast of bugs anyway. I had a crush on Ms. Spider and wanted to be Mr. Centipede. The soundtrack is so damn good. And it’s an incredibly uplifting story and I seriously find the stop motion animation so charming, it’s such a contrast to the live action world but it works. This is a movie that I used to watch all the time at my grandma’s house when I was a kid. I love it.

And you’ve already seen Meet the Robinsons, but god that movie. Also cry at the end of that movie too. I saw it in theaters w my friends in high school, and my best friend’s nickname became Goob, like I still think of her as Goob even tho we no longer talk, and we’d be like “hey Goob, nice binder!” every time we passed each other in the halls. I have a little stuffed T-Rex with a bowler hat that I think I got when we all went to the Disney Store together. It just like became a huge part of my life in terms of like casual references and shit. And I quietly fandomed for it, nothing major, just browsed an LJ community for it and stuff. But to this day, it still means so much to, and the whole like “nothing is impossible” message is so inspiring and the ending still makes me emotional no matter how many times I see it

#lacertae-dreamscape #replies #personal post

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a-panda-reads-act-omega · 7 years

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ACT OMEGA PART 17

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Welcome to the... sixth update today? I hope this isn’t getting excessive. It probably is. OH WELL, i dont care. lets just hurry this up and GET ON WITH THIS SINGLE PAGE.

80%, huurrry up. I just realized, these updates are a LONG while apart, so this download probably is meant to represent how LONG they’d have to wait. There’s a flash for the 100th page, so im gonna assume thats what was eating up their time.

PLugging something in. Also, I just wanna mention how perfect Rose’s sassy pose is. John’s explaining more shit with Karkat, and DAD’s watching over appropriately.

Oh. Kanaya looks upset about something (could it be how rose was totally checkin jade out). Dirk looks confused, or just kinda like everybody’s missing something he thinks is obvious. Jade seems content. Jake is looking kinda insecure. Terezi still seems bothered by Vriska’s absense. Roxy and Calliope are smiling next to Dave’s neutral self. and OH. Looks like Hal plugged in the audio, because now we get to see a pesterlog!

or... bunnylog

JOHN: are we all good? JOHN: is that everything? DIRK: I really fucking hope so. JADE: yes, john JADE: thats everything

GOOD NOW GO GO GO!!!

JOHN: so i can finally, FINALLY open the stupid door? ROSE: Yes, again, John. The stupid door is yours for the opening. JOHN: anyone have any issues with the plan? TEREZI: W3 JUST T4LK3D 4BOUT 1T PR3TTY 3XT3NS1V3LY TEREZI: 1F SO TH3N TEREZI: TOUGH SH1T, 1 S4Y JOHN: so we're even good on all the weird ectobiology stuff?? KANAYA: I Reserve The Right To Alter My Stance On That At Any Time KANAYA: Though Not Necessarily Right Now

Hmm.. did Kanaya not want to use ectobiology for baby stuff? Or maybe she finds the mixing genes thing to be odd. Maybe she wanted to make baby’s the old fashioned way with rose ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

lenny looks weird on tumblr.

KARKAT: EXCUSE ME, *I* RESERVE THAT SAME RIGHT. KARKAT: BECAUSE APPARENTLY I’VE BEEN IMPLICATED IN THAT MESS SOMEHOW? KANAYA: Yes Precisely JOHN: that’s fine, i guess? JOHN: we have everything we need for that no matter what you decide, anyway. JOHN: earth is all de-flooded for sure, right jade? JADE: yeah! like i said before, i can even see my island back above sea level! JADE: or, rather, jakes island JAKE: Youre welcome to share it with me. JAKE: If you want. JAKE: Though i presume its somewhat different from the version you grew up on... JADE: aw! thanks, jake JADE: well see JADE: i definitely want to at least see the changes up close!

That could be awkward though! Jake doesn’t seem to be a people person, annnd... Well, Jade only just met him. Would it really be that great to live with somebody you’ve only just met? even if he is your grandpa. I just realized, the person Jake got along with the best was Tavros. And in another universe... Tavros fucking murdered Jake. Irony.

DAVE: i cant believe that reverse noahs ark scheme worked DAVE: well actually i can DAVE: this game would be in need of some serious balancing if it wasnt permissible by virtue of kicking so much ass DAVE: i mean think about it DAVE: were like DAVE: actually gods DAVE: and we just congregated on this circular platform and discussed how wed shape an entire civilization DAVE: except instead of taking six days we all had a quick thirty minute powwow and decided yeah this is probably good enough lets skip to the sabbath already DAVE: so maybe more like zeus and his pantheon on mt olympus or whatever

Dave dont get a god complex. thats all i have to say.

ROXY: lol ROXY: weve still got a long way to go before were all like ROXY: greco-roman levels of omnipodouche ROXY: though i bet that jade n i could def construct a marble palace 4 u john ROXY: on top of some ridiculously tall mountain ROXY: from which u can rule the skies and shoot lightning bolts from ur fingertips at pesky disobedient ectobabies

Yes, Jade and her need to build it together (I need some version of Jade Lalonde to come true dammit im sorry.)

JOHN: that sounds cool and all, but... JOHN: even if i could smite people, i don’t think i would! JOHN: i’d rather just get inside people’s heads and talk shit. JOHN: mwahahaha.

Ok yep youre adorable John, but now IM REALIZING YOU STILL HAVENT GONE THROUGH THE DOOR HURRY U P.

JADE: how diabolical! JADE: no palace for you, then JOHN: damn. JOHN: how about a dungeon? JADE: maaaaaybe :P CALLIOPE: oh! i think i know what stories yoU’re referring to! CALLIOPE: it does seem apropos, doesn’t it. CALLIOPE: does this mean that i have a place among the rest of yoU at the oUtset of this odyssey? ROXY: ofc it does! ROXY: ur like ROXY: an integral part! JANE: You know what? Callie, do you still have the book we were writing in earlier? CALLIOPE: Um. i think so. JANE: I think it would be perfect if you were our official scribe! JANE: You could keep record of everything so these important moments are preserved for future generations. CALLIOPE: !!! :U CALLIOPE: i woUld love that! ROSE: I did something somewhat similar over the course of the last three years. ROSE: It’s fairly therapeutic. CALLIOPE: oh? CALLIOPE: i might be a bit more aware of what yoU’re referring to than yoU know. ~_u CALLIOPE: therapUtic is right. ROSE: ... ROSE: If I’m understanding you correctly. ROSE: You and I are going to need to chat. ROSE: Specifically about private things that are best left out of the clutches of the impressionable coming ages. ROSE: Or, better yet, forgotten altogether. KANAYA: (I Disagree) ROSE: (Kanaya!) KANAYA: (Heh)

UGhh, you guys need to stop being cUTE AND OPEN THE DOOR.

IM sorry, how can I not get anxious when theres a fucking flash coming up, and everybody’s acting all happy.. .

CALLIOPE: of coUrse! CALLIOPE: thoUgh... no promises! CALLIOPE: i can hardly wait to get started on all this! DIRK: Yeah. I for one, would love to see myself in a history book. DIRK: Nothing better to stroke your own ego. DIRK: But in order for any of that to happen. DIRK: We should probably, you know. DIRK: Get on with it.

Thank you Dirk, listen to him he knows what’s up. This game is nothing but disaster after disaster, but most disasters come when everybodys being STUPID. so use your brains and open the door before somehow you all die due to a session in your new universe having such a powerful prototype ring that their queen and/or jack manages to get to your session and fuck you all up.

JOHN: oh. JOHN: yeah, you’re right. JOHN: damn it, we got side tracked again! TEREZI: W3LL 1F YOU DONT W4NT 1T TO H4PP3N 4G41N TEREZI: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD JUST OP3N TH3 STUP1D DOOR 4LR34DY! KARKAT: AND DO IT QUICKLY. NO DRAWING IT OUT! JOHN: okay, i’m opening it! JOHN: the moment we’ve all been waiting for-- KARKAT: WHAT DID I *JUST* SAY? JOHN: hehe! sorry, couldn’t resist. JOHN: for real this time. JOHN: here goes!

Here, FUCKIN GOES!

ughh theyre all gonna die... I guess we’ll see on the next update, so STAY TUNED FOLKS

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #act omega #act omega liveblog #hs act omega #hs act omega liveblog

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ificouldflytotheclouds · 6 years

Text

Youngblood Album First Impressions

These are my initial thought after listening to the album for the first time.

Youngblood

I was at work when the studio version of this song first dropped, I was standing in the foyer as I waited for campus transportation to arrive. I was familiar with the song because I had listened to live recordings to prepare me for my concert, which at the time was three days away. My jaw dropped. The live version was good, but the studio version was a killer. This song is a deserves to be danced to, HARD. In concert, I don’t feel like this song goes as hard, and for that reason, I prefer the studio version. It’s funny because I thought this song went hard, I WAS NOT PREPARED.

I think this was an excellent title track and song to start the album. It encapsulates the feel of the entire album from the production, singing, and the lyrics.

Favorite Lyrics:

“Surrender my everything/'Cause you made me believe you're mine“

This line is so vulnerable and it tugs at my heartstrings.

“When you looking at those strangers/Hope to God you see my face”

I am a sucker for these lyrics after making eye contact with Luke during the concert, but I also relate this to the crush that at had at the time, and the friends that are no longer friends.

Want You Back

When I first listened to this song I was like wHo iS tHiS bAnD?? I think this was a good lead single (had they known the success of youngblood that might’ve been better, but it might not have gotten as popular if it came out of nowhere) to introduce the new song. Compared to rest of the album this song is fairly tame, I’ve listened to it so many times that ofc this is 5sos. I just wow I’m so proud of them (imma try not to write this through the entire post bc thats basically what I did on twitter all night)

Favorite Lyrics:

Is it tears or just the fucking rain? (who am I liking explicit lines, I am a changed woman)

And the way that I used to make you laugh/'Cause you know every morning I wake up/Yeah, I still reach for you/I remember the roses on your shirt/When you told me this would never work

Lie to Me

Out of the non-singles performed on tour (+valentine, talk fast, moving along), this one is my favorite. I fell in love with it instantly. It makes me think of Come Back… Be Here which is my second favorite Taylor Swift song. Ngl, hearing the studio version was a tad disappointing because I was hoping that there would be piano in the song, even though why would there be? Lol. It’s not like there was piano in the live version. Listening to the studio version made me understand the boys when they talk about the contrast the sad lyrics with the happy beachy vibe instrumental. I still LOVE this song, it was just a bit of a shock because I had unrealistic expectations for the studio version (I think I was thinking closer to Ghost of You vibes), regardless, I will request they release a piano cover of the song. The short clips of Luke on the piano is not enough. The harmonies in this song are so good and my hear hurts over the lyrics.

There is violin in this song and that needs to be appreciated. There’s also a certain sound at the end of the chorus that sounds like something else but I can’t remember what.

Favorite Lyrics:

And I caught you looking too, but you didn't look twice

Valentine

This song took me a while to get into. 1) The rhythm is very different from anything else I have heard by them 2) The word choices in the chorus, there are some words that automatically turn me off of songs they just sound cringy to me. After listening to the song enough I have gotten us to it and enjoy the song.

I don’t know why it took me so long to realize, well I do, it’s because I had to get used to the lyrics, but this song is HOT. Another good song to perform on tour to introduce how SEXY this album is, literally. It’s funny because I normally am not a fan of albums when they’re too sexual but I am so in love with this album and they also address the topic in a classy, normalizing way, that doesn’t just focus on being horny, there��s an additional psychological dimension within their song.

Favorite Lyrics:

We know we're classic together like Egyptian gold/We love us

Talk Fast

This was the only song they sang on the tour that I hadn’t heard the studio version, my jaw was on the floor (I mean it was for most songs but lol). This was my second favorite non-single song they performed on tour, it has a fun ‘80′s inspired feel. The bass (and the drums) stand out in this song.

Favorite Lyrics:

Leave all of your indecisions with you at home/Don't see you're doing me a favor

lol me.

God dammit we look good together

Moving Along

This song also took me a little while to get into, besides the beat, I think it has to do with the more talk quality of the song. And again, the interesting lyrics. But now you see me bopping. I feel like they chose very unique songs to perform on tour and I appreciate that it also gave me the time to love them, so now I can properly enjoy them now that the album is out.

Favorite Lyrics:

For this song, my favorite lyrics has to do more with what part of the song is the most fun to sing along to.

I know I’m the stupid one who ended it/And now I'm the stupid one regretting it

I've been thinking about you lots, lately/Or are you moving along?

If Walls Could Talk

This is the first new song that I heard and it was so exciting. From the first listen I knew that this is going to be one of my favorite songs. Which makes me scream because this is a straight sex song. This song just makes me smile and makes me want to dance.

This is the first song that Ashton has a proper feature and it makes me so happy :) I love the drums and the piano in this song. Michael’s guitar part during most of the song brings a lightness during the song but then during the bridge it brings the gritty, we're getting down and dirty aspect to the song.

-Disclaimer- I will not talk about bass enough through this post bc I do not have the best ear for bass, I am just not as familiar with the instrument. I can tell in some songs, but in others, I have to listen very closely but even then I don’t necessarily hear it (I mean I’m pretty sure Cal will be playing the piano in this song so... it makes sense)

Favorite Lyrics:

Bodies are hoping to get addicted to sound

I love this line. This is a song that makes you want to put your head back, dance and get lost in the music. It is a perfect representation of the song.

If these walls could talk, I'd hope they wouldn't say anything/Because they've seen way too many things

This lines really brings perspective. I find this song to be very vulnerable. The line is saying that it’s seen everything you’ve done within these walls, the sex, the desire, but also you break down crying, the look of falling in love, anger, and frustration as you hit the wall… The walls know your everything.

Better Man

Another Taylor Swift reference? Lol. But actually, this song reminds me of Ed Sheeran. I even feel like how it’s sung gives me ed vibes, the guitar, down to the mhhh.

This song is so cute.

Favorite Lyrics:

New friends again and again, gone when the morning comes/Demons I try to defend, but I couldn't get enough

This line stood out right away it was sad and relatable.

Wrapped in your arms, I swear I'd die for you

im not emo.

Another fav. This song goes so hard. It reminds me a little bit of ONE OK ROCK. There is a heavy guitar part, Ashton kills the drums at the end, and there's a shaker?? in this song too.

I mean... this is about Luke. It can easily apply to the other boys, but there’s a reason why this is a Luke dominate album.

Favorite Lyrics:

Enemy lines are drawn, lines are drawn

I love how Calum sings this line

I like a lot of lines in the album, the first verse is a standout, idk, this is a very sad relatable song.

Why Won’t You Love Me

Lol the first few seconds makes me think of Chole by Emblem3

This was the first song where I was still and entranced while listening to it. This is a very cinematic song, which is very beautiful but also makes me think of someone (cough cough) staring out a rainy window.

While I have never been in a relationship I can relate to this song, specifically to friendship. Sometimes people change or need something better even if nothing actually went wrong. I think this is something important to remember with any relationship, sometimes “It’s not you, it’s me” is as true as it gets.

The ooh at the end is cute.

Favorite Lyrics:

You say you can't wait and need to make a change

I check my phone to see your face/Staring back as if to say/Don't worry, you won't be lonely

Woke Up In Japan

I can’t help but think about my time in Japan while I listen to this (Even though I am actually visualizing China bc we were in a hotel for a short time, while the dorm we were in Japan was more like an apartment). This song is good, they lyrics standout the most, but it defs doesn’t stand out as much as other songs. It’s an interesting contradiction that I am trying to wrap my head around. It’s all over the place. The song is about amazing sex, the ecstasy of a night out while being in a bad mental place in another country. (even though japans probs metaphorical in this context)

Favorite Lyrics:

It was more than just a neon weekend

Empty Wallets

This is another song that does stand out too much but it’s still GOOD.

Favorite Lyrics:

Dancing on empty wallets

I love the visual

Shoulda caught a break/The fluid ain't to blame/For the sugar causing pain

Ghost of You

I’m not dying, I am already dead. This song pulls at my heartstrings so much. I can’t. It also reminds me of songs that they play in ‘00 movies which makes me emo (closest I can think of I’ll be, but that’s not exactly the feel I’m going for).

This is a masterpiece.

Favorite Lyrics:

The verses. I can’t pick.

Monster Among Men

Michael starting of the song. Yes. This song is funky and fun. I really enjoy the instrumental arrangement in this song, Ashton’s drumming goes hard, mikey’s guitar solo, cal on the piano. It’s amazing. This isn’t my #1 but it’s defs up there (as with the next to songs)

Favorite Lyrics:

one, two, three, four

I love how this switches with the beat. The oh no’s in this song also go hard.

it's time for me to admit/That I'm an asshole, so here I go

boy…wyd? At least you’re being honest.

Meet You There

The chorus, the beat drop. YESSSS. I also love the attitude of whatever will be will be, the universe will choose our destiny.

Favorite Lyrics:

I would break in bed, if you wanted me to

I. AM. SCREAMING.

Babylon

Calum F it up. The intro to this song. I had heard that a song sounded like FOB, my friend made the direct reference last night, but not until this morning have I finally been able to hear it. Sounds similar to centuries which is one of FOB’s best songs (that I’ve heard).

Favorite Lyrics:

The entire second verse

I'm tired of the feud, your short fuse, my half-truths are not amused/I wish we had a clue to start new, a white moon, no residue/The color of our mood is so rude, a cold June, we're not immune/But if we're way too faded to fight, you can stay one more night.

And there we have it, folks. I am so incredibly proud of these boys. This album was life-changing for them, their excitement feed off to us, and it followed through. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed an album so much since Made in the AM and that was back in 2015. Well, this will all I will be talking about for a long time. So I am sorry in advance.

Ranking to hopefully come later in the week.

Album Review/Ranking Masterlist

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0fthewolves · 6 years

Text

rip myspace

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? Sho ‘nuff

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? I have.

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” Obviously a cat.

4: What’s something you really want right now? A giant wine glass of chocolate milk, a long shower and a week off of work.

5: Are you afraid of falling in love? I wouldn’t say afraid, no.

6: Do you like the beach? I like to look at it, and I like being on it at night. Beaches on a hot summer day are miserable and I hate it.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? Ya

8: What’s the background on your cell? My fiance and I

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? How the fuck do I name a bed

10: Do you like your phone? I mean, yeah

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Much better, to be honest.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? Um, shit I don’t even remember.

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? Holy fuck I’ve had both. I love my poodle to death but Rotties are my heart and soul. Rottweiler.

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? Emotional, I’d say. But only because I haven’t experienced much physical pain in my life.

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? A zoo

16: Are you tired? Constantly.

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? My whole life.

18: Are they a relative? Yes lol

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? Absolutely not. And not only because I’m engaged.

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? A couple hours ago when I left work. He’ll be home in about 20 minutes :)

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? I have a goddamn ring on my finger as we speak, so I sure do plan on it.

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? One :( All my other ones break bc I’m too cheap to buy anything that won’t

24: Is there a certain quote you live by? YOLO jk, no.

25: What’s on your mind? Nothing specific

26: Do you have any tattoos? No :(

27: What is your favorite color? Blue or black

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? In about 20 minutes

29: Who are you texting? No one

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? Yea probably

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? Yep

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? I do

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Well fuck I sure hope so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? Yes

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? Oh boy shit’s about to go down Actually no I’d probably just cry and break down into a puddle of tears, to be honest.

36: Were you single on Valentines Day? Nope

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? IM ENGAGED TO THEM GOD DAMMIT

38: What do your friends call you? Jess

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? Yeah, but it’s pretty damn easy to do

40: Have you ever cried over a text? Oh absolutely

41: Where’s your last bruise located? Shit I don’t know. Probably on my hip, I hit those bastards on everything.

42: What is it from? A piece of furniture or a door handle or some shit

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? lol every day at work

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? My boo

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? I do I do!

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? Beanies yes, but they don’t really help :’(

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? Probably not. My noggin would get cold.

48: Do you make supper for your family? I help... kind of...

49: Does your bedroom have a door? Yes

50: Top 3 web-pages? I don’t ever use my computer so Idfk

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? Well yeah

52: Does anything on your body hurt? Actually, no. Not at the moment.

53: Are goodbyes hard for you? Yea

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? HAHAHA I don’t even know I spill shit on myself every day

55: How is your hair? A fucking mess

56: What do you usually do first in the morning? Pee

57: Do you think two people can last forever? I can only hope.

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? I was 12. and ugly. and weird. Yes I was single.

59: Green or purple grapes? Im not sure. Both.

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? IN LIKE FIFTEEN MINUTES

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Nah, I love my bed,

62: When will be the next time you text someone? The next time someone texts me.

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? In this bed that I’m in right now.

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. Working :(

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? Yep

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? Yep

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? Yep

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? Probably something stupid

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Oh absolutely

70: How many windows are open on your computer? Just this one

71: How many fingers do you have? 10?

72: What is your ringtone? The standard Iphone ringtone

73: How old will you be in 5 months? 22

74: Where is your Mum right now? Probably at home

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? Well I guess because I was fucking 14 and I’ve grown up and changed into a different person and things change dog idk ????

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? Yes

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? I mean, I guess. I don’t really have friends though lol

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? Yep lol

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? ugh yes

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? Yes

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? One

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? Yes

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? YES

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? dunno

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? Define drugs

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? I don’t remember the last time I went to a movie

87: Who was your last received call from? Jamie <3

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? Omg I don’t know. That’s a lot of money but that’s cruel as fuck.

89: What is something you wish you had more of? MONEYYYY

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? Yeah

91: Do you sleep with your window open? I take naps with them open

92: Do you get along with girls? I don’t NOT get along with girls, but I don’t typically keep girl friends either so I mean...

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? I don’t believe so

94: Does sex mean love? No.

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? No

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? Haha no

97: Did you sleep alone this week? Napped alone, but not sleep-sleep no

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? Yes

99: Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really, but I’m pretty sure I’ve loved Jamie since the first day we actually hung out. Or close enough to love. Idk dawg.

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? A lady at kroger while I was buying wine lol, she didn’t feel like checking my ID

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moved-to-klirk-hammurton · 5 years

Text

Punisher Fan Fiction Chapter 3: Trouble

The next morning, Frank opens his eyes to see Nadya nestled comfortably against his bare chest. He smiles to himself, folding one arm behind his head as he curls the other around her shoulders. He caresses her arm tenderly and closes his eyes again; for once, he had slept soundly without any nightmares. He woke up to his body being completely relaxed. He didn't ache and didn't feel worn or tired. His mind and body were finally at peace. It felt good to him to feel this way. Taking in a deep breath, he exhales contentedly. All was well until his cell phone buzzed loudly on the nightstand beside his bed. He jumps at the sound, going into an alert mode but sighs heavily as he realizes that it's only the cell phone. Rubbing his temples, he carefully reaches for it and rolls his eyes as he recognizes the number belonging to his old friend, Micro. Frank rubs his eyes with frustration as he flips open the phone.

"This had better be good Lieberman. It's-" Frank begins to scold before looking at the phones screen for the time, "it's five o'clock in the morning. Unless someone is dead or dying, you'd better have a damn good reason for calling this goddamn early, David," he'd threaten Lieberman with a growl to his voice. A heavy weight of regret started to weigh on Franks chest as it seemed like history was repeating itself again.

"Remember that mob family you attacked a few months back? Well, they're back on the grid Frank, and they are not happy. I've been getting pings all over Hells Kitchen, NYC, and even down in New Jersey about their activity. I don't know what you did, but I think they're planning on going to war...going to war with you Frank...With the Punisher. You've really gotten yourself into some trouble this time," Lieberman says on the other line. He was a scruffy looking man with an unkempt beard and thick, curly hair that nearly resembled a small afro, yet he was ex military just like Frank. Lieberman rubs his forehead with his middle and index fingers, along with his thumb as he could hear the heavy breathing from Frank through the phone.

"Names Lieberman, I need names. Who am I dealing with this time? Who's stepped up, who's working for who now? Where are they establishing themselves, where's their hideout, their business partners and allies. I need information Lieberman!" Frank finally snaps at him. The harshness of his voice causes Nadya to jolt awake from her sleep. Her chest heaves as she looked around the room before finally seeing Frank on the phone. From the harsh expression on his face, she could tell he wasn't happy. His jaws were clinched tightly as a tic had worked into his temple. The shadow that was cast across his face was darker near the orbitals of his eyes due to his brow being furrowed with frustration.

"Wait wait wait, one question at a time Frank. I'm only just now getting this information. You gotta give me a few minutes to work my magic to figure_" Lieberman begins to explain before being cut off by Frank.

"Get me everything you can, then get back to me David," Frank says before closing the phone to hang up. He looks at Nadya and cups her cheek in his hand. The words of Lieberman shook him to the core, causing flashbacks to zip through his mind and cloud his vision. It was like one of those old reels of tape on a constant wheel of repeat, replaying the same portion over and over again, except it was a horror tape. He couldn't help but to see his beloved Maria smiling and laughing with him one minute, then the next there she was...dead on the ground with blood splattered on the face of a porcelain horse on the carousel. His ears became clogged with the piercing screams of his children as they saw their mother gunned down before falling victims themselves of the gun fire. Suddenly, Frank feels a sharp pain in his chest that causes his body to grow stiff and cold. The pain causes his vision to come back into focus as he gulps down air to clear his head. He could see Nadya now sitting up in bed. Her eyes were wide, but soft and full of concern as she looked at Frank.

"Frank? Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost," Nadya remarks to him. What she didn't know was that he did see a ghost. Three to be exact. The ghosts of his past that still seemed to weigh him down like a ball and chain. Frank rubs his eyes with his index finger and thumb with a sigh as he nods. Even though he shook his head 'yes,' his eyes still said otherwise. His expression looked as though he had taken a swift kick to the balls. His brow ridge was furrowed and pain riddled his eyes. That's when he did one of the most painful things, he offered a small, warm smile to her and nodded. He didn't want to worry her first thing in the morning.

Pulling Nadya close, he kisses her forehead. "Yeah, I'm okay. Nothing to really worry about," he assures her before standing up with a stretch. The phone call seemed to have taken quite a lot out of him, but he wouldn't show it. At least not blatantly. Parts of him still wanted to hold onto last night. Thinking back to it caused a small chuckle to rise into his chest as he smirked inwardly at the thoughts. Each step he took towards Nadya, the more his hand began to let go of the ghosts of Maria. He wasn't ready just yet to let go, but he had been living in the past for way too long now. It was time to start letting go and start moving forward.

"What did David want? You didn't sound to happy with him," Nadya inquires as she stiffly scoots towards the edge of the bed. She looks up to Frank and arches a brow to him. "I know that look Frank. Tell me what it was. What is it: DEA, FBI, CIA...ANVIL?"

As she listed off the names of the different organizations, Frank could feel himself growing more fearful. Even the Punisher himself had fears he hid under that cold exterior. He clinches his teeth as a tic worked into his jaw from him grinding his teeth. Using his thumb and index finger, he rubs the sleep from his eyes and exhales a sigh, knowing that Nadya was bound to discover the truth one way or another.

"I don't know which is going to be worse: Irish, Italian, or the Yakuza. All three are in an uproar right now and Micro has gotten intel on them that they're bound to make a move soon. Their target is right on my head, and yours..." he finally breaks the silence. He turns to look at the sounds of the sheets ruffling as Nadya stands up and walks to him, wrapping her arms around him from behind and rests her head against his spine.

"Then we'll have to swing back harder than last time. We'll make sure they stay down with no chance of getting back up," she says against his back. "Sic vis pacem pera bellum."

~o0o~

LOCATION 155 & Broadway Manhattan, New York County (Manhattan), New York, USA Time: 12:45 PM

Black suits filled both the interior and exterior of Trinity Church Cemetery and Mausoleum in Uptown for the funeral of the beloved familia captain, Anthony "Tony" Gambino. He was a capo to the Gambino familia within The Five Families of New York. A light drizzle fell upon those whom were at the cemetery and funeral home to pay their respects.

"Poor son of a bitch," Angelo says as he looks at the closed casket that held the remains of Tony. He rests a silver crucifix necklace on top of the casket before looking to Tony's father. Franceso was edging close to his mid 80s, but he didn't let that hold him down. "I'm sorry about Tony, boss. I really am. May God bless his soul and_"

"Ah hold that shit. Tony was far from being blessed...that stupid son of a bitch. Getting into shit he wasn't supposed to. Now look atcha. I gotta bury your ass. And of all days too eh? You had to die around the day your great grandfather got murdered by those damn cops, didn't ya?" Franceso curses at the casket with sadness and frustration. "Dammit...God forgive me..." he mutrers, touching his index and middle fingers to his forehead, gut, and each shoulder to mark the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Francesco slowly walks back to a pew within the church and takes a seat to get off of his weary feet. "Tony...my only son. He was the best damn Capo in Clinton. Who woulda guessed he'd get whacked by that hot cat in town. What's the media calling him now eh? Da Punisha. The goddamn Punisha."

Angelo nods as he listens to the old man. Taking the hand of Francesco into his, Angelo kisses his rings, "we'll get 'im boss. I promise ya that. That Punisha bastard ain't gonna be no more once we get our hands on 'im. Just tell me what you want done and I'll do it. I'll bring ya back his head or cock, just name it and I'll cut it off and give It to ya in a silver platter." Angelo tells Francesco before being cut off as other capos come to pay their respects to Francesco and his loss.

"I'm here on behalf of Johnnie. Poor bastard couldn't make it, but the Bonanno family sends their regards. We're here for ya," Vinnie tells Franceso before kissing the elders rings and taking his leave for others to follow suit.

By near 4 PM, Anthony's casket was laid into its final resting place within the mausoleum. Francesco rests his weight on the cane he carried around for balance as he says his final goodbyes to his son. He turns attention to Angelo, "Ang...Angelo my boy, you've always been like a son to me. I'll accept your offer. Bring me that son of a bitch alive. I want that bastard ta' hurt like I've been hurting watching ol' Tony have to fade away the way he did."

"You've got it boss. Anything for you," Angelo agrees as he glances around to be sure there were no stray ears eavesdropping on the duo. "Should I put a hit out in him? Have one of us bring him in alive for ya so we can cover more ground? I'll get the Bonanno and Columbo families in on it. They've always got your back."

"Yes, yes that will certainly work. For now, let's allow Tony to have a day of peace. Tonight, we'll be having a very special night of poker," Francesco tells the young capo before lighting himself a cigar. He takes a long drag, exhaling the plume of smoke up into the air. He was pained, but he wasn't about to let that show. He couldn't let his men see him cry. He couldn't show weakness. He was mad and pained. He wanted blood. He wanted Frank's head.

~o0o~

LOCATION 210 E 46th St, New York, NY 10017 Sparks Steakhouse Time: 8:45 PM

Sparks Steakhouse was a big time hangout for the Gambino family. It became a big part of their territory thanks to the old mobster, John Gotti. Francesco sat at a booth with several of his closest capos. The round table was cluttered with empty beer glasses and bottles. Several large platter sized plates were stacked in the center from a more than hearty meal. Steaks, shrimp, mozzarella sticks, and lobster bread were just some of the items on the menu that night in a way of memorance for Tony Gambino.

"Ah hell, I don't think I can stomach another bite," Paulie states as he rubs his overstuffed stomach. He was a fairly new capo, but he knew how to get shit done within the family. "What's the special occasion, Francesco?"

"You shouldn't be askin' me. Look to ya unda boss. He's got everything that you're gonna have ta' know," Francesco tells Paulie as he points to Angelo with his cigar before taking a drink of his scotch.

"Fellas, as you know, we're here in a way to honor poor ol' Tony. Three months ago, we took a pretty hard hit from that rat bastard, son of a bitch, named the Punisher, and because of him, we lost our beloved Tony. Yeah the bastard was a loose canon, but he was our loose canon. I'm gonna miss that bastard," Angelo says through a fairly shaky voice as he tries to keep his emotions at bay. "Today, I made a promise. It's not a promise just to Frankie, it's a promise to Tony too. We're gonna find that Punisher bastard, and we're gonna make him pay. He took something from us, so now we're going to take everything from him. He hurt us, so we're gonna hurt him. I want that bastard delivered alive."

"Can we rough him a bit? I'd like to make that motha fucka bleed for what he did to Tony! Oh how I'd like to cut that fucka's balls off," Joseph "Sonny" says as he slams a fist down on the table. "I've got a few guys that could help track him down for us. Couple of loan sharks, a few clean up crews. I'm sure we can find him somewhere. He primarily operates in Clinton, right?"

"That's what the media says. If he ain't there then the son of a bitch knows we'll be after him. Let's a get a move on this fucka and take him down," Angelo says before lifting his glass of whiskey. "His head is gonna be yours Tony. We ain't letting you die in vain Ton. For Tony!"

The rest of the twenty six men at the table raise their glasses and beers with a cheer of 'for Tony!' across the table. The men all meet each other's glasses before downing their drinks and setting their glasses on the table.

"May the Punisha huntin' commence boys," Francesco declares with a crooked grin and sets a wad of bills on the table to pay for the meal.

#frank castle #original character #fan fiction #italian mafia #trouble #it just got worse #for your entertainment #wattpad

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choujiro · 6 years

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so i spent 3 weeks at ph and oh gosh

week one:

the flight wasnt bad at all tbh i got to watch my kdrama & listen to my favorite music

scratch that was kinda annoying because my brother took a xan & instantly knocked out once we were seated, my mom and a flight attendant got extremely worried because he wasn’t really opening his eyes

i told them he was just really tired

he fuckgin drooled and it smelled

i couldnt sleep for like an hour or two because we saved his dinner but on my tray and it bothered me

incheon airport is so nice omfg !!!!! bought a macaron at a starbucks there & i wish we had that here at u.s

my uncles picked us up from the airport and our younger uncle (20 yrs old) got chubbier and said he got really fat so we were like no ur jst thicc

while we were waiting for my mom to fix her phone he was talking to me about kdramas because he saw the iu photocard on my phone LOL but its really interesting because guys arent really into stuff like that

found out his girlfriend makes him watch kdramas lol

found out the portions at jollibee were wayyy smaller so my uncle told me to buy two of the same food yah huge shock to me

the wifi was incredibly slow; we had to buy this portable wifi in which we bought 1gb of connection for idk 300 pesos??? wow first world problems for sure

my mom, brother & i slept on the same bed & it was just so hot i honestly could not sleep (we couldnt really sleep anywhere else)

the next day my cousins and i walked to our other cousins house & the aircon in her home was just fucgkin AMAZING

we could not stand the heat tbh it ruined us

we went to the next town over to buy stuff at the market because we found out my uncle had fake gucci slippers

i bought fake nike slippers and some of us got the same along with gucci ones lol

went deeper in the market and found hella fake stuff like fake vans and addidas (i was planning to come back to buy them and when i came back to the market we didnt have time to get them so im really bummed esp since they’re cheap like 200 or 300 pesos only)

went to the local mall the following day & found this really cute shop that resembled h&m, i ended up buying this overall dress & used up 800 pesos out of 1000 & didnt have enough to buy anything else lol

went to the supermarket the following day inside another mall & ended up buying a bunch of snacks in BULK (my cousins bought wine & alcohol, ended up tasting really weird)

bought a LARGE ASS bulky bag of corn chips called bawang na bawang & when my auntie found out i called it “bah-wang” instead of “buh-wang” she kept laughing & told everyone else because apparently im saying town instead of garlic

met my other cousins’ family (they live in the same town, a 2 minute drive basically) and ate good food, talked to their uncle about palawan since we were going there soon

attended our parent’s high school reunion and watched them perform this dance line lol

we werent really interested in their reunion, i mean it wasn’t really for us anyways??

i actually got really sick the day before new years, i had a bad fever & had cold sweat. i told my cousins to move the fan away from me despite the weather being 80+ degrees :-(

i took antibiotics & got better several minutes before the new years hit lol

week two:

got sick to the point where i lost my voice

went to pagasinan and ate rly good sisig & etc

went to the same supermarket from the one back in my family’s hometown and ended up buying more snacks in bulk

my skin got super worse & im just like fuck it dammit

on jan2 we were supposed to go to palawan but our flight was delayed, we were transferred to a super nice hotel nearby, free of charge of course

got a massage with two of my other cousins for the first time, the lady thought i was korean so they were like “oh !!! korean!!”

i couldnt speak so my manang talked for me lol

gosh the massage was both relaxing and hurtful LOL

i understood the lady speaking to her coworkers as she was massaging me as she said she felt sorry for me because my skin has alot of scars

i didnt mind at all, i felt bad that she had to see it tbh

she told me to turn my body facing the ceiling so i did and omfg she pulled the towel and massaged my ..... armpits and boobs (im so ashamed because i shaved before i left the airport and it grew fast oh my god)

my cousins and i were talking about how our butts hella hurt after they massaged that part because FUK it hella hurt oh my god i have never clenched my buttcheeks so hard in my life

my kuya said he was ticklish there so he let out a giggle

we boarded our flight to palawan the next day and went island hopping right away. i felt really bad because my skin got even worse so it made me uncomfortable & i couldnt talk to anyone so yeah bad time lol

island hopping was nice nevertheless, we couldnt explore the cave because the tides were high

my cousins, brother and mom got a massage at the hotel we were staying after finding out we got one in the other hotel

the masseurs come to the room instead of having a separate room

so i couldnt go to sleep right away since the bed was being occupied smh

we went to a place called bakers hill the next day & it was really nice idk how to say it, it was much of a hill tho. lots of places to take pictures there i guess??? theres only one bakery there and its small, the families bought alot of pastillias and hopia to bring back home, basically we left the store with a box full of sweets

went to bagiuo the day we returned back to our town and went to a place called mines view where we had an amazing view of the hills/mountains

its realllly nice and green and man !!!!! gr8 view

went shopping for gifts at the local market and bought a jacket & two wooden keychains shaped as a small ..... dicc

my brother bought a wooden flute and he really used it throughout the whole trip like he played in the house AND during car rides. i think the good part was that it wasnt annoying at all, he actually knew how to play and did some covered a bunch of songs that made all of us laugh (my cousin recorded it and has the videos on her phone so i cant show everyone here)

we went driving at pengbenga park, but not literally driving. we got to drive these plastic race car things and it was sososo fun!!!! i overtook some kids & adults but mostly kids on the driveway & i crashed like only twice

we were given the choice to use a bike/multi-seater bike, race car, & other stuff but yeah race car boi

ate really bomb waffles and pancakes at this pancake house and LORD !! GOOD AMAZING AAAHH OOOOO

went to a small mall the following day and bought 50 peso facemasks and i spent like 15 dollars worth of them??? idk i just bought hella without counting my money lol

drove to manila few days later and went to a place called greenhills (famous for fake brands like nike and gucci) and my cousins and aunties bought alot of gucci, ray bans, louis vuitton (wallet, belts and bags lmao). went to a store called miniso and it was so packed i wasnt able to look around as much, & i really wanted to go here ;___; it was okay tho

so there are basically two malls in one, one small one with a food court and market with the fake items and a REAL mall; they’re connected by a yard which is partially a church lol (there was a tv outside so we assumed it was a concert of some sort, found out there was a priest praying inside the building along with so many others)

next morning, instead of going to another pancake house we were accidentally taken to a coffee house but honestly, it was the best choice ever

it was so fuckgin AESTHETIC I LOVED IT they decorated the place with flowers and it wasnt like overwhelming full of flowers it was just right and the iced latte?? AMAZING and ugh man i loved ittttttt

we went to a museum after and learned so much about jose rizal and the history of philippines before and during spanish colonization and it was super interesting

darn u white ppl go away

it was really ironic to see white people check out the museum too like.. first u colonize us then u wanna check our museum hm

went to eat after at a place similar to pepper lunch, so basically hot sizzling food

i ordered a sizzling tapa and it was so fuckgin AMAZINg gattdamn ugh i love sisig

we went to the mall after hoping to check out another museum inside the place (an ice cream one) but we found out that it was opened until feb

anyways we checked out the whole mall and ate some aesthetic looking ice cream which was amazing also

dropped off two of our cousins at the airport since they were only here for two weeks (the rest of us dreaded over the fact that we had one more week left when our trip here was originally 2 weeks)

went back to my familys town at la union and didnt do much

spent two days at baguio, day 1: found a kbbq and ate lunch there, it was only 300 pesos per person so we werent complaining

we went to the mall after and i checked out this store that had really amusing shirts, bags and pouches. i ended up buying a shirt with a bunny that said “bunnies like carrots but not this one. this one chose the jacuzzi” it was so amusing omfg

i bought a pouch that said “lechon is my lifeforce” aka pig and my friends were like “thats really amazing”

we left the mall to buy tea and i didnt have enough because i bought the bunny shirt so my uncle bought a drink for me LOL (i felt so bad tho)

watched netflix the whole time till it was time to sleep

the next day my other cousin was dropped at the house and we went to go out for a different kbbq place, it was much better (500 pesos per person too!)

went to the mall again and watched jumanji

watched black mirror when we came back

left the next day & went back to the mall since it connected to the other large buses to go back to town

week three:

next morning i met a faith healer who looked for the cause of my eczema, she cured my mom the day before because someone had cursed her food (she had stomach cancer several months back but she’s better, she occasionally has stomach problems tho)

one of the amazing things i have heard from her was that when she was cleaning my moms body with a white towel, she squeezed out the remaining water & black sand came out. she says the curse has been removed & that she’ll feel better soon

she looked at my skin and proceeded to put a special oil everywhere and said it mightve been the burning of a dwende outside the house when i was kid (when he was hurt, he probably hurt me too)

the next day she came by again and lathered a special oil again and came to the conclusion that when i visited the house when i was about 4-5 years old, the dwendes decided to play with me (which actually hurt me so)

she said to only have faith and keep praying, virgin mary will come by to heal you in the form of a sudden breeze with a nice scent

i know that alot of people might think this is crazy and all, but since i come from a spiritual family and had actual experience with something like this, its really easy to believe

it seems like the dwendes dont like modern medicine so everytime i put on my creams or ointments, the healing effect didnt last long

the next and final day, she put on oil once more and concluded that the dwendes have been playing with me since i was a kid so it was the root of my eczema. she had personally asked them to stop yesterday so she said they wont play with me anymore

as she was lathering oil on my skin, she said that i had nice legs and hands, the dwendes had played with me because i was “pintas” or pretty

so that kinda shocked me like me? pretty?? lol

but after that she said i will get better, i need to have faith and pray all the time. once you believe, it will happen (i have great faith in both the faith healer and myself healing, my wounds are slowly closing so im really determined to recover from eczema)

the thing about faith healers is that they DONT ask for money. you could donate, but they dont ask for anything at all. i believe that they heal people in the form of good will

my mom & i gave money and clothes, and soap as a payment for her time and faith healing and im sososo thankful for her

she also did this thing where she could figure out things by putting oil and water in a plate and picking out rice grains and letting them either sink or float in another bowl

3 rice grains had floated while the others sank and she concluded that there was something wrong with me, both spiritually and physically?? i couldnt understand quite well since they were speaking in ilocano

but something along the lines of that, she had called me soul in order to protect me so i can heal. and that kinda boggled me like soul? is that always with you? is my soul somewhere else? why was it that my soul had to be called? so yeah interesting

she also found out that my grandpa had visited (he visited last week too, along with my grandma) and he’s just watching the family in the living room

also odd thing but last week a white butterfly came inside the house while my cousins and i were just doing whatever and it landed on the couch my manang and i were sitting on

my kuya said there was a butterfly behind me and i was like fuk imma move couches cuz i just dont like bugs in general (my cousin had entered the back door the other night and felt something crawling on his head so he slapped it away, turns out it was a HUGE spider so yeah FUK that lol i wanted to throw up when i saw it)

so i switched couches and the butterfly followed me and went on my head so i shoo’ed it away

the next day after it had happened a lady who had a third eye/some sort of spiritual power said my grandparents visited last night and i guess i shoo’ed my grandpa away lol

anyways, going back to the rice grain thing, the faith healer knew i couldnt sleep well because my body has been burning for the longest time, so she put those 3 rice grains in a cotton ball and safety pinned it to my shirt

my mom said that her mom would often do the same thing to her sisters back when they were kids, it was really effective in to protecting yourself

i think its really crazy how theres so many spirits and the like in philippines, and also in vietnam and other asian countries as well. i thought it was because it was 3rd world countries or countries that had been colonized

i searched it up and 1) when PH was colonized, the conquestors often scared them with stories about spirits and 2) when the angels had fought lucifer and his army out of heaven, alot of them fell on earth, landing on the islands of PH

we all packed our stuff last minute and my mom was having a hard time since everything could not fit in the luggage, i told her just to put everything in our large balikbayan box and she refused, she eventually gave up (even the stuff barely fit inside the box). we left at 1am that day for the airport at manila and man, i guess i’ll miss ph

our stopover was at incheon again and this time we had more time to buy stuff at the airport. my mom bought her starbucks mug in which she was excited about. i bought another macaron and planned eating it on the airplane but my mom misplaced it & once we came back i found out it was smashed lmfao

i went to the duty free store and looked around for some snacks, the ladies were rly kind in helping me, i tried speaking in korean but had no luck at all lol all i said was kamsamnida after they had helped me

while waiting for our flight, my mom and aunties were telling us about stories about our other auntie since she’s really mean and all lol we were all curious to why she had treated everyone so unkindly basically the their whole lives

my cousins dont like this specific aunt and i dont have a good judgement of her either but my other aunt told us to always be kind despite that.

i had planned to watch the rest of my kdrama on the plane but i knocked out for 9 out of 11 hours of the flight

the men at the airports where they check our passport were so handsome omfg. the ones both at manila and san francisco like... so... handsome. i told my mom that they’re really good looking and she assumed it was because they were light skinned but even if they werent light, they were SO handsome like i dont discriminate against color man if youre handsome you are HANDSOME

arrived back at SF at 2pm and my manang welcomed us by making us cajun shrimp and it was literally the best meal ever ugh i miss american food

i had school the NEXT day, and i had barely realized that i signed up for a class at UC DAVIS instead of sacramento and oh my god i was truly fucked up lol (ended up fixing it tho)

i checked up on my character on maplesaga and found out that literally everyone had outleveled me like ok fuk

to summarize the 3 weeks there, my skin did not get better at all lol. although we were originally going to stay for 2 weeks, my mom couldnt fix our flight time and ended up staying there longer. despite it being dreadful at times, im really lucky that i had met a faith healer the 3rd week for my eczema. if i had left the 2nd week, i would not have been healed (the doctors here in u.s were completely useless so...) i was sick 80% of the time of the trip which made me feel bad lol but its my immune systems fault :-/// im really prone to extreme changes in weather, so coming from a 50 degree city to a 80 degree country took a toll on my body. it was the same back at home, during the summer the weather was often bipolar so that also took a toll on my body

anyways its so good to be back home except for the piles of homework stacking up ;__;

#i hope i can look back at my post and wonder oh wow i remember this happening #im quite forgetful #super long post but lots of stuff happened #the photos are on my ig if anyone wants to check them out

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vee-blackwell · 7 years

Text

i got a bout of depression that hit tonight from not being distracted enough to avoid getting in my own head and i think i had too many bad thoughts about who i am VS family acceptance

my queer things, my interest things, my (lack of) set goals.

it hurt a lot to try and explain transgender things to my gramma while watching I Am Jazz, when talking about nonbinary people using “they/them” pronouns, she essentially said that if you dont use he/him or she/her then you have no gender “so you’re just nothing” which was just too close to home (literally) for me to hear as someone who doesnt feel anywhere close to any definition of gender, and am definitely not enough % to feel comfortable going on the male side of the binary.

that’s the hard part of that. it seems like it would be easier to tell her i’m bisexual or something (another term that doesnt really match me, but explaining asexuality or the differences between pansexual and bisexual self-identities is another thing thats hard to do with an 86 year old woman). but then what if it changes how she asks me about anyone i hang out with or makes weird assumptions about my relationships?

but at the same time, in watching this show with her, where she’s trying her best to be open-minded and learn about transgender people via watching I Am Jazz, she starts asking me to explain things in the show. not in a negative way, again, shes trying to understand which is more than i could hope for other 80+ year old grandparents. but then she asks me how i know so much about transgender people and issues they face when its things she doesnt expect people i know in real life, close to me, to have dealt with yet. and i have to play the “Educated Ally” instead of the “Depressed, Closeted Transperson” and hope she doesnt go from asking about my friends that are out to wondering about me. because it just makes me fearful of being in another time period of living in an abusive and unsupportive / negligent household where i never feel safe and im constantly arguing with my family. and i dont need that, or even to feel like im risking getting to that point again

i at least want to feel like i wouldnt be kicked out of the house and become homeless, or stop getting money from my family if i came out at all... but how many other transpeople had the same thoughts and were totally wrong? my mom who watched some of the show with us today almost immediately misgendered one of the transgirls on the show, talking about how **she (i dont want to misgender even by quoting my mom) clearly didnt have hormone blockers as long as Jazz because **her voice had changed. and it’s like, alright, she uses a feminine name, looks like any other normal high school girl, and has been working to try and get her voice to pass better, and it’s still so easy for ignorant people like my mom to pick up on that one thing they feel doesn’t fit right and just misgender someone immediately. and it’s worrisome. because i know how easy it is for “the average adult” around my mom’s age to miss the point entirely on how someone works to transition and making their own personal choices

...

im just queer and tired and fearful. my mind screaming at me “do SOMEthing” every time i wake up is like the echo of a broken record player that’s playing somewhere i can barely hear it. so i do something. i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions.

i get bored of the phone game, the magickarp jump cooldown timers are all that’s left.

i get bored of harvest moon, after realizing that i was 1 floor away from the bottom of the mines last time i get frustrated. do i go back for it again and make the long boring trek, or do i go back to grinding cooking recipes so i can finally make that god damn tempura meal? each day passes as quickly or as stagnantly as i please thanks to my emulator. freeze time and do my daily farm chores, use the inventory item dupe glitch to keep stocked every gift item i need to give everyone, show everyone on the local islands my pets for bonus friendship points, unfreeze time so that the one fisherman character will finally show up to talk to and i give him his daily gift and show him my dog, i go fishing with frozen or unfrozen time as i choose. the day is done. time for the next one.

i get bored of the computer games that both tantalize me into playing them because i love them and want the mental stimulation, yet the other screens beckon to me stronger, and i sit on the 3 blue hellsites, toggling between them in mixed intervals.

i get bored of neopets, because it is after midnight and its the 3rd day in the row i forgot to do my dailies. god DAMMIT i’m never going to get trudy’s shitty 30 day bonus spin for those 100k neopoints if i keep this up. i go onto the help boards, and bump up the lottery board. copy and paste my old post, add the moneybag emoticon and congrats the winners. short list gives the UNs. long list gets generalized. the regular group of lottery players and bumpers congratulate and recognize each other, making the odd chat message about their lives. this is as far as i chat on the neoboards now because i have no social energy otherwise to talk to other neopets friends about how life is still depressing, and trying to speak around the child filters and character limits.

i go to my mom’s room, its hard to predict if she’ll be home at 5 pm or 8 pm or 11 pm or gone to her shitty boyfriend’s house. it had been GTA V. then crash bandicoot warped (ps3 port). and now skyrim with the DLC. i play it as i spend my life, there are markers telling me where i should go for quests to progress, yet i wander aimless around the world finding something more interesting to explore until i finally remember what i meant to do. my mom comes home, and i ask if she wants me to get out so she can sleep. she says its fine, and leaves the lamp on shining on her bed. it becomes after midnight, my gramma scolds me for staying in there when my mom is sleeping. while i agree, my hyperfocus is hard to break, and it still takes me more time than it should to simply save and quit in the middle of my doing nothing of importance in the game that i play for the middle of my doing nothing of important in my life.

i eat wherever i spend my activity. TV tray by my bed at all times now, my propel bottle sways like a top heavy asshole everytime its moved. the tissue box takes up space for food, but everytime i move it on my bed its either in the way or not close enough to use when i need it. my nose is still almost ready to bleed from the dry summer air. im still dehydrated because i lack the ability to remember to drink the juice, milk, or propel bottles within arms reach.

it’s 3 am, or probably later. i ask joey if it’s time to sleep. i take my melatonin, we both brush our teeth and say goodnight. am i lying to him again this night, and apologizing and saying i’ll do it for real? this could happen twice before the guilt takes over and i either cave and do it for real, or stay awake focused on my daily nothingness distractions.

on the days its 5 am or later, my mom wakes for work. we talk about the cat. we always talk about the cat. sometimes she says her work is shit and that shes in pain. things that are obvious. she leaves for work and says goodnight to me in the hopes i go to sleep soon.

i sleep. around 11 am to 1 pm is around the time i get woken for my medications. anxiety, depression, birth control pill (1 daily for 3 weeks at a time). i have to eat and drink with it, so its something simple. on bad days i fall back asleep for over an hour. like a sloth, i drag the tray of food to me, resting the plate or bowl on my bed to eat as i stay laying down. sitting up means i feel more obligated to stay awake after this. i finish the food, drink, and my pills, and shove the tray back against my closet, and lie back down in bed forcing myself to sleep.

it becomes anywhere from 3 pm to 5 pm, on bad days its 6 and later. i lay in bed after waking up maybe two or three other times from sweating, or tossing and turning with bad dreams or being awake enough that i could get up, but unmotivated or too depressed to get up and have to be awake for that much more time. i crawl to the computer first, turning off my nightly music and going online on steam. just so whoever cares knows im awake. i go adjust the thermostat as both i need as well as what wont freeze my gramma to death (or at least to complaining for hours). i say that i dont know what i want for food. she offers a suggestion, and i say sure. i return to my room until food is brought to me, and i grab juice or milk to have with my meal. it probably gets cold if it was meant to be eaten hot.

i get a food. i grab a game. i grab my phone for games. i grab a video, or a game tutorial, or ANOTHER computer game, or i go on social media sites. and i do all these empty “SOMEthings” to mute the bad thoughts like the ones above. the ones that both overwhelm me into submission and also make me numb to any emotions. the pattern repeats.

...

this has been Vee Life Simulator. sorry. no refunds.

#vee's pathetic little life #i'm too tired to tag much #it's just depression talk so #you know. avoid it if you want #long post #text heavy

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