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#but god I’m so nervous
transboysoprano · 10 months
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God dammit I feel like I need to talk about this. So, any of my other choral nuts may or may not know that VOCES8 is starting a new professional group in the United States. A treble ensemble. An ensemble like this is something that I've been waiting for since I've been in high school and I've been trying to act like it's not a big deal.
Lately, I’ve been really distant from my musician side and focusing a lot more on my trans side. It’s the off-season and I celebrated Pride Month really hard. Go figure. But it’s been so easy to pretend like I don’t have these degrees in vocal performance and vocal chamber music and that I’ve wanted to be in a full-time professional ensemble that previously didn’t exist since for me since I’ve been twelve years old.
It's a full-time professional choir for treble voices based in the United States run by my favorite choir of all time. For context, there are no full-time professional choirs that voices like mine can even be a part of in the United States right now. Only "men's choirs." If I weren't going through this vocal gender dysphoria thing right now, this would've been some thing I'd be foaming at the mouth for. It’s the thing I’ve always wanted, even tried to form myself. (I started a treble ensemble with the intention of growing it to professional level some years ago, but my rehearsal leadership skills are subpar so I asked a friend to direct for me, and she insisted it needed to be a “women only safe space” so I quit my own choir 🤦‍♂️ they’re still singing today and sound pretty good btw).
But anyway, I was hanging out with a friend today and told her about the whole thing and was pretty wishy-washy about whether I was going to audition or not, told her I’m this close to giving up on the dream of being a professional choral musician and taking the hormones and just starting my whole life over and not auditioning means I don’t have to keep trying to be a soprano and not transitioning because it’s what my adolescent self wanted for me, and got himself $60k in student loan debt for. I thought she’d get it but she basically chewed me out, saying that I really need to audition and try to make that dream a reality.
I need to make fourteen years of college and young artist programs and suffering through community choirs and trying to start my own professional groups pay off. I need to put to rest the yearning and crying over a dream that feels more like a death sentence these days. If I do this, then I will have done it. I want to be a part of this group so badly. I need them to accept me. I want to sing with them for as long as it makes sense, and then I can finally say all those years were worth it. My younger self can feel satisfied with the work I have done, I will have accomplished the task I set for myself when I was a child and didn’t know trans people existed, and then I can finally get the fuck on with the rest of my life. I can go to the gender clinic and get the testosterone and ruin my “beautiful” “god-given” “perfect” soprano voice and finally be fucking happy.
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grymalkyn · 3 months
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I’ve finally finished it. I’m fucking shaking, its been like 4 days of just nonstop working and sleeping for this. QSMP what have you done to me.
It’s also on my YouTube channel: https://youtu.be/-NA5flY-2Vo?si=Ms4i1d-AtS7pnxVs
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strangermask · 7 months
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Beginning | Next (Not here yet)
The beginning of the transmasc 2012 Donatello mini comic series. No turtles were actually drawn yet cuz… I’m not used to drawing in the art style that is the 2012 verse (how turn 3d to 2d *screams*) but there will be on the next update. Right now, we start in the turtle tots era. It’s not much now, but it will become more later. Trust me.
For now ✨the beginning✨
( also @olibensstuff hi, I’m the anon who told you about making this comic. I hope you enjoy.)
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jethrowest · 6 days
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let me see you stripped down to the bone…
- stripped by depeche mode
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congratulations! you’ve been hired as homelander’s entire glam squad! what an opportunity! now let’s try real hard not to let the fumes get to you, okay?
pairing : homelander/afab reader
word count : 5.6k
warnings : homelander in and of himself, toxic workplace environment, something akin to stockholm syndrome, fingering, smut. 18+, mdni
special thanks to @blindmagdalena @sehtoast @homeb0ys and @clockworkzeppelin for letting me scream at you about this!
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Homelander is an asshole.
That doesn’t bother you much. You’ve dealt with plenty in this field, which means you’ve learned how to make life easier for all parties. That particular learning curve includes when to stand out and blend in, at times concurrently depending on what variety of asshole they happen to be.
As a whole, the makeup artists and hairstylists at Vought take care of The Seven and go where they’re needed. And as a cosmetologist, you were hired to provide both services for Homelander and Homelander only, which you consider to be one of the most prestigious stamps one could add to their professional passport.
Before you became official, you were colorfully threatened by a Ms. Ashley Barrett, who, after the fact, had no qualms throwing you into the lion’s den to figure your own shit out.
In no uncertain terms were you told that if you fucked any part of this up, your sparkling resume would look best as something to sit her smooth, bare ass on while getting fucked on top of her desk. No lube or protection. It would then be tossed exactly like her salad.
Not an image you could have ever predicted crossing your mind. Honestly, you should have stopped her right there and walked your happy little ass out of her office toward pastures that might have not been greener (you were being handsomely compensated), but certainly not as toxic. While the red flags were a color you couldn’t quite ignore, you were also curious about why they stood out so much more than they did regarding previous employers.
None of this is to say you live under a rock. Anyone who has access to the internet is ambushed daily by these Supes’ personal lives. Homelander’s track record as far as choice in partners went hadn’t been ideal, so you understand that made him less popular at the time. That of course has nothing to do with you or your capabilities.
You opt to wear gray-colored glasses, seeing everything with a neutral blend of black and white. As much as possible anyway.
Nevertheless, curiosity killed the cat. But hopefully not your career.
The first day was awkward to say the least. Immediately, you knew you weren’t going to like your coworkers.
Glints of sympathy changed how they perceived you. A target, whether they intended for this to happen or not, was nailed to your forehead, and it made them buzz around you like avid, greedy wasps keen on seeing how rapidly the honeybee will be brutalized. You didn’t much care for going cross-eyed while staring at that target whenever you crossed paths. They didn’t know you, yet because of who you were working under, deemed you helpless. They didn’t give you a chance to establish yourself before branding you a victim.
Why should you respect them?
Small talk wasn’t entertained either, as their judgment tarnished any future encounters. They ostracized you once you showed no interest in engaging with them. That didn’t disappoint you. You weren’t here to make friends.
You do wonder how those before you fared: if they were jaded when they arrived or if they couldn’t help but succumb to the pressures of being at the top rung of a very unstable albeit sought after ladder.
Ms. Barrett quickly introduced you to Homelander, her parting gift before leaving the two of you alone.
You weren’t completely nervous in his presence. He wasn’t any different to you than the other celebrities you’d worked on, except he could rip you in half like a piece of paper if he was so inclined. But he’s the hero of this country’s story, so really, you should have nothing to worry about.
His demeanor, you noted, suggested arrogance, annoyance, and boredom. All things you’re used to. So you offered your hand to shake, which he eyed with a slightly upturned nose before grabbing, told him it was a pleasure to meet him and got straight to business.
Looking back, he was clearly expecting more out of you. Maybe not a display as excessive as getting on your knees and professing your undying love, but close enough. Somewhere in the middle, perhaps.
Part of you believes he might have also counted on fear. To you, he’s not anything or anyone unknown. Another big name in a fancy suit with impossible demands.
You were given a routine to follow and products to use. You did as you were instructed and found the process to be simple and, as Homelander’s expression revealed, uninspiring.
While you were utilizing a face brush to apply powder, he must have decided he was done enduring your lack of enthusiasm, because he suddenly asked, “What are you wearing?”
You stopped for a split second, no longer than, and continued. “The name of my clothing designer, you mean?”
He scoffed, waving his gloved hand at you, almost knocking the applicator you held to the ground. “No, your perfume. What are the top notes?”
You laughed and that seemed to confuse him. “Why, you want a bottle?”
“I don’t like it.” He sniffed sharply and cleared his throat. “Smells like you should be on the corner selling your used body parts.”
Ding ding ding. Alarm bells and red flags galore. You enjoy a challenge, however, and are a bit of a masochist, so you persevere.
“Well, what doesn’t smell like a cheap hooker to you? I’ll start wearing that instead.”
He cocked a brow, studying you. Trying to figure out if you were being serious or mocking him.
“It’s your first day.” A warning. “Are you on your best behavior, or can you do better?” He leaned forward in his chair, forcing you backward. “You should be working harder to prove yourself. Prove your worth.” He sat back again and shrugged. “Or maybe you really are worth as much as that dumpster juice you doused yourself in.”
At this point, he more than likely envisioned your happy little ass getting offended and storming out of the room. Breaking down, sobbing. Questioning why he was being so rude. One of those or, better yet, a nifty combination.
You’ve heard worse, unfortunately for him. Not always directed at you, but that doesn’t matter. You can handle it.
“You’re absolutely right,” you stated calmly, folding your arms across your chest. He looked at you with pretentious, petulant intrigue. “It is my first day, and I want to make a good impression. Which is why I’m asking you what you would like me to wear so I can continue to keep that good impression intact and, as our professional relationship develops, stay on top of it.”
Homelander’s mouth twitched. He sighed deeply and slouched in his seat, staring at the wall to the left of him. Then he deigned to cast his gaze back at you, resting his cheek on his index and middle finger. He tapped the arm rest with his other hand.
“Ugh, fine. Whatever.” A pause followed that lasted longer than necessary. Were you meant to guess? “Just wear something, I dunno, less. If you would have done your homework like a good little peon, you’d know I have super senses. Highly developed. Can you even imagine what that entails?”
Finally, he freed the canvas you were nearly finished with, and you flicked the soft bristles across the bridge of his nose. You smiled, more to yourself than him.
Felt rather on the nose, as the saying goes.
He didn’t comment on your grin. You didn’t give him time to. But he did huff like you were being obtuse on purpose.
“I can try. And my imagination is giving me some less-than-ideal scenarios,” you replied. Another pause. At least he was letting you do your job again.
You don’t know what compelled you to keep going, but something about his lack of a real answer made you carry on. “Do you have a favorite flower or baked good? Maybe a spice?”
Homelander almost glared up at you. You say almost because, for whatever reason, it didn’t seem like he was directing that harshness at you, though former words and actions proved otherwise. Something inside, perhaps. Or outside of this enclosed space.
“I already told you what to wear. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
You took the hint and remained quiet the rest of your session. Soon, you were done.
As you were packing and tidying up your station, he took it upon himself to stand behind you. He lingered over your shoulder, watching the scene play out like he was director and star and you were barely an ant on the sidewalk he acknowledged before squashing.
The heat radiating off of him was impossible to dismiss, a wall of it barricading your backside. He clasped his fingers underneath his cape and inched closer. You thought he was as close to you as he could get without touching you. He was that warm.
When you glanced up, he was staring at you through the mirror. As absurd as it was, you managed to get chills. Goosebumps broke the surface of your skin.
“Fresh chocolate chip cookies. Straight out of the oven. Like mom used to make.” He flashed an unnerving smile before turning to exit.
From there on out, even after you bent to his will and found a gourmand scent that matched what he described, Homelander tested you. Your work ethic, clothing choice, eating habits, and most of all, patience.
Your parents would ask how you were liking your job, how it was working alongside the Supes- not to mention the most famous of all- and you’d lie through your teeth. You felt you had no choice, Ashley’s threat ringing in your ears.
Resume, bare ass, tossed salad...
Oh yeah, it’s going great! They’re all super flexible. I couldn’t be happier!
At least that pun made you feel a little better about hiding the shame of what you’ve allowed yourself to take on.
This was all in the first few weeks. It started to get a little easier after that, which is surprising considering more was added to your to-do list.
You should have moved on before starting. But, for whatever asinine reason, you didn’t.
Every time you go back to your apartment and assess your appearance in the bathroom mirror, you wonder who’s making who up here. He’s changing your looks more than you are his. You’re like his human doll.
You’ve put up with a lot over the years, but this takes the cake and shoves it in your face. As fucked as it is, the flavor is growing on you. Like a fungus. Growing, nonetheless.
You can’t stop thinking about him.
It’s innocent enough, you try convincing yourself. Making sure you have the right outfit laid out the night before, the right lunch (no onions or fish or anything “freaky”!), etc. He is your superior, after all. You shouldn’t be viewing him in any other light.
He’s the most frustrating aspect of your existence these days, but he’s also the one you’re around the most. His penchant for workplace gossip and how unintentionally funny he is tends to make him palatable, which has regrettably become an understatement.
Months go by. You’ve witnessed how alone he truly is. How he has nothing outside of performing his tricks on Vought’s all-encompassing stage. And when he begins asking for your input, starts doing things for you that are so blatant it’s perplexing, you find your stress and vexation melting into cumbersome fascination.
It’s embarrassing. You don’t have the courtesy of enough time to dwell on your feelings toward the situation either, from beginning to whatever end you might be met with. You suppose that could be beneficial in the long run.
It also hits you when you least expect it; when you really don’t want it to.
Your body doesn’t wait until you finally have a moment alone. It decides, while you’re helping Homelander with his skincare routine that he insisted upon because you know more than these vacuous corporate douche-bags, to heat up without warning and slither from your head to your heart until it grasps you unfairly between your legs.
You try not to step into momentary paralysis. You understand to what extent his powers reach. It’s not like he doesn’t go on and on about them. About himself.
Whatever he notices, it’s not right away. A palpable tension fills the air between the two of you eventually. But it takes a more significant amount of time than you would have anticipated to permeate the natural flow of things.
Fuck, you can’t even be safe inside here, where your thoughts, whatever they may be, are yours. You can’t even have yourself. He has every part of you, and you are willingly relinquishing that control.
Your evening, once you can have it, consists of combing over every decision you’ve made leading up to this strange, disorienting space you find yourself occupying. All it does is leave you exasperated in a much different way than before and with an unsettling observation (or hallucination):
Was that the tail end of the American flag outside your window?
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You are unacceptably late.
Rushing around, you throw on the first top and bottoms you see from your closet and spritz some perfume on your neck and wrists. You don’t check your phone. You’re afraid of what will pop up on your screen. And, frankly, you don’t have the time.
Your only option for transportation is the subway, as you’re sure the special vehicle from Vought is long gone. Why would they wait for someone like you, even if you’re practically Homelander’s personal assistant? One of his only friends. You doubt he has more than Black Noir, and that isn’t as perfect as it appears to the casual viewer.
You dread what kind of explosion you’re without a doubt walking into once you show your miserable ass up. You’re going to smell like everyone on this train. He’s going to go ballistic.
The question remains: why are you continuing to put yourself through this? It’s not your circus, yet somehow, the monkeys have become your liability.
You know, deep down, what keeps you going back. It’s simply too ridiculous to admit aloud.
Making your way past security, hurriedly presenting your badge, you realize you forgot to brush your teeth, or at the very least, gargle some mouthwash. You thank your lucky stars when you open your purse to a pack of gum tucked away in one of the compartments.
It will have to do.
When you open the door to Homelander’s dressing room, you see a couple of employees standing near the counter where the bag of supplies has been opened and rifled through, looking like they might soil themselves, a frantic Ashley, and an extremely pissed off Homelander in the middle of it all.
Reflexively, you cringe. You attempt to wipe any trace from your features, but it’s too late. Ashley is glaring daggers at you and Homelander can hardly bring himself to look in your direction. The others don’t matter to you. They never did.
“I’m so sorry I’m late. I know there’s no excuse-”
“You’re goddamned right, there’s no excuse! I don’t give a shit if god and his whole fucking choir of angels came down from heaven and divinely called you to give them a makeover! What were you thinking?!”
You’re about to answer, though you comprehend her query is more or less rhetorical. She interrupts your slightly open mouth while gesturing wildly, proving your point.
“Oh, that’s right! You weren’t thinking at all, were you?! But I do believe you’ve thought long and hard about what’s at stake here. And you know damn well we at Vought don’t tolerate this kind of sloppy behavior. Not to mention the way you’re dressed! It’s adding insult to injury!” Her hand swipes at the air, the length of your outfit, and you glance down, recognizing how comically mismatched you are. Her correct observation affects you more than it would have months prior, stinging your ego- one of the many things that’s been shelved in order to accommodate the person who won’t even grace you with a glance.
A dramatic groan cuts short any further commentary from the redhead, perpetually stretched thin between her absurd duties.
“Jesus Christ, Ashley, why are your big fucking horse gums still flapping?” Homelander’s booming voice slices through your mind like a jarring, dense migraine. He pinches his brow between middle finger and thumb, eyes closed. “I want you and Tweedledee and Tweedledum t’get the fuck out. Now.”
Ashley is plainly dumbfounded, struggling to see where she went wrong (a pattern when it comes to dealing with the volatile leader of The Seven), mouth agape. She shakes her head. “But sir, are you-?”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about or doing. Clearly.”
Ms. Barrett turns a shade paler, staring at Homelander and blinking owlishly before snapping herself out of her stupor. She hurries her lackeys out of the room, shooing them along like a pair of misbehaving toddlers. She doesn’t give a final look, no further warning. She merely shuts the door behind her.
You also hear it lock.
What the hell does she think is going to happen?
You should have stopped this while you had the chance. You should have never taken this job. You should have stood up for yourself and walked out. You should have you should have you should-
“Who the fuck do you think you are?”
His caustic tone sends shivers down your spine. It’s unlike anything you’ve heard come out of him. And you’ve heard enough.
Again, you open your mouth. It fills with blood, thick and metallic and more potent than the mint from your gum. You’re silenced by it.
He stalks toward you and grabs you hastily by the shoulders, swiveling you around so you’re face-to-face with the choices you’ve made. Your mirrored image is reflected back at you, exhausted and searching for any last shred of who you might be beneath his heavy palms.
“Look at yourself! Do you even recognize who’s staring back at you?” No.
“What kind of game are you playing, hmmm? Is this… humiliating spectacle you’re putting on for the money? Your pathetic career? Like it’s goddamned rocket science to pick up a can of hairspray and use it. Monkeys have hands.” He makes a noise that’s akin to a snorting horse, exhaling forcefully past his nostrils. “I mean, did you really think you could pull a fast one on me?” He clutches your jaw, squeezing it between middle and thumb. Every muscle in your body tenses, your heart picking up rhythm.
“Spit that fucking gum out. Don’t think I can’t hear you grinding it between your molars like a dumb animal. You aren’t a mama bird, are you? Y’don’t have cute little baby birds t’force-feed your regurgitated leftovers, do you? Eugh, gross.”
You take a deep breath and exhale through your nose. It presents you with a false sense of security. You do as you’re told, and it lands on the floor in front of your shoe, saliva dangling on a thread as withered as your sanity.
Suddenly fresh breath seems like the most insignificant issue, when Homelander himself once made it out to be something earth-shattering.
You’re such a fool.
He leans in and sniffs your throat. Your fingers lengthen and bend.
You’re so many things at once. Confused, angry, nervous, scared. And, to your dismay, warm. God you’re so fucking warm. He’s heating you up from the inside out. You clench your jaw, still held in place by a firm bind.
“Get rid of those ugly clothes. I don’t care what you have to do. I can’t stand the sight or smell of them.”
You shut your eyes. When you open them, all you see is red. The other emotions are smothered in favor of that brand of heat. What happens next is a blur. You temporarily leave yourself.
“Fine. Have it your way, Homelander. You always do.”
Breaking free of his fluctuating hold, you start tearing at what you’re wearing, tossing everything- including your bra and underwear- to the ground. Your shirt winds up with the gum sticking to its loose fabric. You even take your shoes and socks off, not paying any heed to where your belongings go. Just that they’re gone.
You don’t process the glaring fact that you made yourself naked in front of your boss. In front of the most powerful man this country, and possibly world, has known. You don’t care that things have escalated this far. That they shouldn’t have. They shouldn’t have. But guess what? They did. And these are the consequences you both have to deal with.
“You wanna know what game I’m playing?” You turn around, forcing him backward. “It’s funny, I thought you’d be able to answer that for me, considering all the hoops I’ve had to jump through to not only save my ass, but make sure you had someone to talk to at the end of the day! Who on your team can you say goes above and beyond like that for you?!” He blinks at you now, eyes wide. Features fall to the floor where your clothes reside. You have his full and undivided attention.
An impressively dangerous thing to have.
“What more do you want from me, Homelander? I practically live with you without any of the benefits that usually includes! You’re really going to stand here and berate me like I haven’t given you fucking everything you’ve ever asked me for? Because I made one mistake? I gave up my entire world, which I know doesn’t mean shit to you. But it does to me.”
You fold your arms over your chest. Nothing covers it. You have to know before you lose all dignity. So you ask once more, hoping it won’t get lost in this bizarre mess.
“What do you want from me?”
Nothing. He can’t stop staring at you. You aren’t aware enough to be ashamed, but you are aware enough to be upset.
His infuriating silence compels you to bend down and gather what was a barrier between the two of you. You are no longer needed if he can’t do what he does best, which is spout off, leaking bottled words everywhere like a broken faucet. It’s a pretty simple question, you think.
That’s when the glass behind you shatters.
You flinch, pause what you’re doing and slowly stand. Cautious in whatever your next approach will be.
Surveying the aftermath, you’re relieved to find that you’re far enough away from the mirror so no injuries were inflicted.
When you finally lock eyes with the source, you see red. The atmosphere surrounding you heaves like the distended belly of a rotting corpse; hisses like an overflowing tea kettle; pierces you like lightning.
Homelander’s expression is rigid. His jaw quivers. Irises are a bright, shining scarlet. If you try anything rash, you might be next. But, having been around him for so long, you’re more inclined to believe he’s having trouble processing his own emotions. And that might have been one of the only ways to release them.
You drop the top and pants you managed to reclaim. Your brain hasn’t fully recovered from the constant devastating hit it’s taken, so you don’t want to put a name to what’s pushing you forward. You don’t stop until you’re directly in his line of vision.
Swallowing, you carefully extend your hand. The ruby color begins to crumble and give way to the vast ocean you might have drowned in one too many times. You lost track, blocking what you could out. Too real and intimate to accept for a realm that thrives off of inauthenticity and misfortune.
Homelander inhales harshly and you retreat, pupils hooking themselves to his. Searching for any sign you shouldn’t be right where you are.
Of course there are several; unfortunately, you are currently blind to them. Blind to everything but him.
That’s how it’s been for awhile, hasn’t it?
He has a habit of not granting you the luxury of time.
Quickly, he snatches your wrist and brings your palm flat against his cheek. He exhales, eyelids fluttering, nuzzling into you.
It’s so simple, yet it disarms you in ways you aren’t accustomed to.
Homelander basks in this chaste display of affection, and so do you, in awe of how enraptured he appears. Soaking you inside of his pores.
In turn, your cognizance reappears. You nearly topple over, realization infiltrating every part of you.
You’re not wearing a stitch.
A knock at the door startles you both. You glance over in that general direction and hear from the other side, “You’re on in fifteen, Homelander, sir!”
Gazing back up at him, you witness that same fire expand at a rapid rate. You use your other hand to bring him back down to reality, to ground him. It rests against his chest, delving into and cracking his ribs, flaying him open.
What strikes you is how vigorously his heart is beating. How you can feel it through his uniform.
This is how much you affect him. (Can you fathom that you’re only privy to a fraction?) Having evidence of the tiniest reciprocation drains you of any unwanted discomfort.
His fury subsides. You breathe out. He does, too.
“Go sit in your chair. I came here to do my job, after all.” The tenderness with which you speak seems to ease him further, his shoulders deflating with each word.
That aside, you’re playing with a lit match. You’re unsure who’s going to set who ablaze, but you’re willing to go down with this entire building to find out.
He does as he’s told, watching you the whole way like a mutilated mixture of a snarling cornered animal and a man fervently in love. He almost trips into his seat, not an ounce of grace in his gait.
Sacrificing his entire image just to get a glimpse of you.
Whipping his cape to the side, he sinks into the cushion. You get things ready as you typically do, your movements a bit jittery from the adrenaline sending haphazard jolts to your limbs. Despite this, you’re focused. You are more focused than you remember ever being.
You work efficiently, keeping in mind the limit that’s been put on your time.
Homelander bores holes through you. He doesn’t need lasers for that. You’re exposed and vulnerable and he pries what he fostered apart until it’s distinguishable by no one else but him.
You relearn his perfectly manufactured features. Different lights shape shadows you either haven’t seen before or feigned ignorance of. You commit to memory how he looks, smells, feels, the side of your hand grazing his cheek and hanging on.
He’s invigorating, your excitement building to a crescendo you can’t neglect. The heat in your core disperses, most of it congregating low in your belly and behind your expanding rib cage. His pupils drink you in, urgently and violently.
Your arousal is heady. He licks his lips. A hint of a whine caresses your ears and it makes you dizzy.
How could you have ever denied yourself?
You decide to take further control, testing the waters to a greater extent.
It’s your turn to watch him the whole way down. You straddle him, easing yourself atop his taut thighs.
After a few moments of humoring yourself, of pretending to concentrate on your work, dusting his nose with powder, you straighten. Eye contact has not been severed.
You motion toward his hands, balled into tense, repressed fists at his sides.
“Take off your gloves.”
Initially, it feels like maybe you said the wrong thing, or said it the wrong way. He doesn’t budge. You’re patient, however, so you wait like you’ve always done, the warmth from your cunt mingling with the hardness beneath you. Your mouth waters.
At last, Homelander nods and removes his gloves, tugging on the index of each. He places them on the armrests and transfixes himself to you once more.
“Do you want to touch me?” you ask, voice and body staying impossibly still in spite of your nerves.
Immediately, he shakes his head, “Yes,” the first time he’s spoken since your outburst, and without hesitation, reaches for your chest. You close your eyes, falling into his snooping lifts and tugs and squeezes, giving yourself permission to become possessed by the inhibited imaginations of how selfish, how rapacious his touches might be. How smooth his bare hands are, how ardent each digit is.
Leaning into you, he sucks one nipple into his mouth and palms the other, moaning and vibrating against your flesh. He digs his fingers into the pliant softness of your hip, steadying you with disciplined pressure. You squirm, attuned to every minuscule shift.
The lit match is tilted toward you now, swift and stunning. Your fingers release the brush you’ve been holding. It aligns with the slit of the cushion, forgotten and purposeless.
You wrap your digits around the hand on your curves and guide him toward your throbbing center. He doesn’t fight you. Doesn’t stop your movements. Doesn’t scold or challenge you. Instead, he curls his fingers in a way that makes you unabashedly moan, cupping your folds and pinning his thumb to your clit, adapting to your anatomy.
Your wants.
It seems like breaking away from you is a daunting task, but he does for a moment, brow furrowed, more engrossed and invested than you’ve ever witnessed.
“Fuck.” The curse sounds downright edible, your new favorite flavor. Your name tumbles from his lips like he’s been practicing, a sweet, rich icing on top. You gasp, his tongue adhering to you again, swirling around your peak before lightly biting it.
Rocking your hips back and forth, side-to-side, you grind hard into his palm. He strokes you like he’s studied what pace you prefer, how much friction you crave. You’re so wet, even you’re thrown off by it.
Once he’s finished with your chest, he’s back against the seat, unable to peel his gaze from you. Your full, swollen, glistening breasts.
His mouth hangs open, obscene, desperate whimpers slipping from it. Pupils are like whirlpools that drive you under. Drive you mad.
Homelander adeptly slips two, three digits inside your sopping cunt, unrelenting in his intentions to make up for lost time. The voracity of his actions propels you forward, balancing against his chest. He grasps and pulls at your other hip, groaning loudly in your ear, confirming his approval of how close you are to him.
It’s still not enough.
Pulling you even tighter to his blinding sun of a body, he encloses his free arm around you and desperately bucks his waist. “I want… I want… I want…” he chants. Your nails drag up his neck and along his scalp, overwhelmed by his warmth, his scent, him. Your lips ghost the sliver of skin above his collar, making him growl.
You anticipate and dread and yearn for what’s been building for so long. You clench and release, clench and release, clench and release, body chanting with him.
You’re intuitively thankful for the chair’s sturdiness; however, if it would have collapsed, you’re honestly not sure you would have noticed. Or cared.
You hear him come first. Feel the temperature rise temporarily. It’s so sudden and all-consuming that you naturally follow, his name an instinct you can’t help but divulge. You haven’t come down from the turbulent emotions rushing through you earlier, and that combination catapults you over the edge.
Your orgasm draws more deliberate, vehement grunts and sighs of satisfaction from him, as if your pleasure is inexplicably the same or worth more than his.
You can’t crumple into a boneless heap like you want to. You just can’t. You have to look at him. Look at his bliss; the glazed, barren-yet-so-full-of-you expression, of what these months of working in close quarters have done to him.
What you uncover is not what you were picturing. There’s a mixture of that haze with something almost apologetic below the teeming surface. Clouds of red to skies of blue. Destructive in and of themselves.
Sliding his fingers from your wetness, he wraps his lips around each one that was inside of you and spreads them apart. Your slick sticks to his glossy skin and stretches between digits, a generous amount. You whimper at the loss- the emptying, hollow feeling- and watch, mesmerized and delirious as he savors you.
Swallowing you whole, Homelander sweeps his knuckles across the apple of your cheek and presses his lips hard against yours. He wastes no time inhaling your gasps and moans, licking your mouth and the faint taste of mint, stealing it from you. You ingest what you can of him as well, exploring what was open to you longer than you realized.
He then seizes your wrists. It’s a rough gesture that evaporates into gentle circles along your pulse points. Still, you know you’re going to bruise where he turned the key and locked you into place: wherever he is.
A visible sheen coats his lips.
“I want you to tell me I’m good. Great. The best.”
His breathing is labored. So is yours.
He kisses the inside of the wrist smeared with perfume, your fluids, his saliva; ends with your hand and rests his cheek against the slope of it.
“I want you to be mine. All mine. Mine alone.”
You’re shaking. He moves forward and pets your hair, twirls it; grabs your nape and holds his thumb to the front of your throat. Securing you. Keeping you there.
“You have to stay. Be mine and stay.”
You thrum with an ache he forced upon you. He’ll claim you were starving and he was the only one who could satiate.
You nod. You were never going to leave to begin with.
Homelander made you his. And you thanked him for it.
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zeb-z · 7 months
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leo leaving foolish a sign like all the others, leaving the most concrete out of all the messages, but no one comments on it. foolish, dead quiet after asking for a direct translation, as the others come in, take note of the sign, and then continue on to other topics. forever coming up, asking if this is anything new or “just another sign”. baghera and fit, the only ones asking if he’s okay, and he just brushes it off, because of course he would, it’s foolish, and it’s easy even though it’s entirely unconvincing and obviously a lie, because everyone else is talking over them anyway. etoiles not even checking in, just pulling him aside to accuse him of federation bullshit. everyone proceeding to talk about crimes in his tower, sitting right on the concrete trail. mouse in the cappy place, saying foolish doesn’t even care about leo, he doesn’t care that she’s gone, and foolish goes quiet for a full minute, until he can find some joke to latch onto and start deflecting again. I can’t take it anymore I’m at my limit.
did anyone other than foolish know the significance of the amethyst, and take note, like they did with the other eggs and their left behind items? or was it just him, alone later on, repeating always juntos to himself as he looks at the message again.
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kitnightowl · 1 year
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POV: you are in both of these fandoms and you’re about to have an interesting weekend
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teruthecreator · 5 months
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i need 4 million teru images beamed into my brain as celebration for doing that interview
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I’m trying to clear out my drafts, so have the alternate version of this <3
Even on quiet days where Eddie should, theoretically, be able to take time to himself, he finds that it’s nearly impossible.
The guys had pulled him aside early on and explained hey, they were mostly cool with Steve, as long as he didn’t talk too much when he was around. Billy was almost completely out of the question. It was kind of an ultimatum, made in the privacy of Gareth’s garage one afternoon.
It’s them or us, is what Eddie took away from it.
Try as he might, Eddie has come to find out the hard way that he can’t keep his two worlds separated. His partners are sure to discover that his friends don’t like them even if he doesn’t say anything, and his friends are stubborn enough to stop inviting him out because of it.
He eventually stops trying so hard to convince Gareth, Jeff, and Grant that his partners are okay dudes, and that turns out to be the right decision.
Because apparently this shit has to happen organically.
As the movie wraps up on screen, Gareth stretches where he sits in the recliner, pausing with his arms in the air like he just realized there’s a lion stalking him. Eddie quirks a brow, confused, until he realizes.
About halfway through the second movie in their marathon, Billy had wandered in soundlessly. Settled beside Eddie on the loveseat and leaned into his side, welcomed with an arm around his shoulders, and promptly dozed off. In all honesty, Eddie kind of forgot that he was there.
He’s been cradling Billy like it’s second nature. Threading his fingers through his hair and scratching softly at his scalp, keeping him humming happily and hugging Eddie like he’s a body pillow.
“Dude,” Gareth hisses.
He dawns a look of tired frustration, and Eddie rolls his eyes.
“What? He’s not bothering you,” he whispers.
Grant and Jeff seem just as caught off guard as Gareth was a moment ago, but Eddie keeps coddling his lover anyway. Even when Gareth narrows his eyes.
“But this is our movie night.”
“I promise you, he hasn’t been watching.”
There’s a moment where nothing is said. The credits are rolling on the screen, and Eddie and Gareth just stare at one another for a long beat. Eddie wants him to say it.
He’s ruining it just by being here.
“Guys, c’mon,” Jeff intervenes. “Let’s just put in the next one, yeah?”
Grant nods enthusiastically, but all efforts of distraction go ignored. Gareth crosses his arms.
“It’s like you don’t like hanging out with just us anymore, man,” he grumbles.
A wave of clarity washes over Eddie in an instant, and he bites back on a smile.
He’s fucking jealous.
“So that’s what this is, huh?” Eddie muses.
“What?” Gareth snaps.
“Y’know, if you actually gave him a chance, you’d probably get along with him. He’s super easy. Easier than Steve, even.”
Grant sits forward at Eddie’s other side, peering around him to get a look at the sleeping blond.
“Steve is more approachable,” he concludes.
Out of the few times that Steve has been around during a game night or a movie marathon, he’s always been awkward. Maybe the guys don’t see it the way that Eddie does, but he tends to talk to them like he talks to Dustin. Lots of things like what’s up, big man are said and nodding is done when he doesn’t understand a reference or joke.
Maybe they think that Steve is just naturally easygoing.
It’s especially funny, because he just so happens to be the most nervous person that Eddie has ever met in his life. He hates being around Eddie’s friends as much as they hate being around him, if for no other reason than he isn’t quite sure how to act around them.
But they don’t need to know that.
“Nah, he just looks a little intimidating, that’s all,” Eddie says, still carding his fingers through Billy’s hair. “He’s a total teddy bear.”
Gareth barks out a laugh, his face paling a bit when Billy stirs at the noise. Clutches onto the front of Eddie’s shirt with an unforgiving grip as he shoves his face further into the crook of his neck.
After he falls still again, his fist relaxing, Eddie gently guides his hand away and smooths out the front of his shirt.
“He’s an aggressive cuddler,” he dismisses.
“Right,” Gareth huffs. “I’m sure he’s sweet to you, Munson, but I don’t really plan on testing the waters with it.”
“Do you really think that little of me?”
“What?”
Eddie presses his lips into a line and sighs. Looks down at Billy’s sleeping face, studying the faint sprinkle of freckles on the bridge of his nose.
“You think my taste in men is so terrible that I’d date any old piece of shit.” Eddie makes pointed eye contact with Gareth, who swallows thickly. “It never occurred to you that maybe, considering I like him, he can’t be all that bad?”
Gareth opens and closes his mouth, and huffs irritatedly after a moment.
“I’m just wary of his type is all.”
Now Eddie laughs, and subsequently deals with Billy clutching at his shirt as if to say keep it down again.
“See, now you’re just doing what the vast majority of people do to us,” Eddie muses. “Kind of hypocritical, no?”
The tv screen goes blank as Jeff removes the tape. He doesn’t reach for the next movie just yet, probably waiting to see how this conversation plays out first.
“In his defense,” he begins. “It’s usually guys like Hargrove that rag on us for being different, so you can’t really blame us for being wary of him.”
Gareth and Grant both nod in agreement. Eddie sighs.
“Fair enough. I’m telling you, though, he’s a sweetheart.”
“I’m gonna need some proof.”
All three of his friends stare at him expectantly. Eddie feels the end of this interaction rapidly approaching until an idea blossoms in his head, and he stops petting Billy’s hair. Lifts his arm up and rests it on the back of the sofa, depriving the blond of contact, and smirking deviously as he begins to stir.
If for no other reason than the guys all look like they’re ready to bolt.
Billy cracks his eyes open, sitting up just enough to peer up at Eddie’s face as he splays a hand against his sternum.
“Was I snoring?” he asks, voice groggy.
Rubs at Eddie’s chest with a heavy hand, looking like he’s fighting to stay conscious as he waits for an answer.
“No,” Eddie says, and resists the urge to chuckle.
Billy sighs. His eyelids are heavy, palm rubbing in circles as he thinks for a moment. Then his eyebrows are furrowing.
“‘M I bothering you?” His movements halt for a moment. “Should I go to the room?”
“No, no, baby, you’re not a bother,” Eddie coos.
Billy nods, but his lips press into a frown as he pouts. Begins rubbing at Eddie’s chest again.
“Then why’d you stop lovin’ on me?”
The question is so earnest and he looks so betrayed while asking it that Eddie can’t help but smile and open his arm around him again. Coaxes Billy back into his side where he’d been pressed before.
Once his face is tucked into Eddie’s neck again, he melts instantly. Slumps into the brunet and hums a happy noise when fingers push into his hair once again.
“I’m sorry, Bills, I’ll keep loving on you.”
Billy drapes his arms around him. Gives him a squeeze before his muscles are all going limp, and Eddie is left scratching softly at his scalp as his breath evens out.
As if having proven his point, Eddie fixes Gareth with a look.
“Teddy bear,” he whispers.
Maybe he should’ve let Billy’s actions speak for themselves a long time ago, because the air of fear is no longer present in the room. Simply because Billy is all but purring and snuggling as hard as he can into Eddie’s side like a clingy cat.
“Dunno why, but I thought he’d be the type to get pissed about being woken up,” Grant says quietly.
Eddie hums amusedly. Tilts his head against Billy’s and noses a kiss into his hair.
“He’s normally a little moody in the mornings,” Eddie says. Keeps his nose buried in blond curls as he breathes a dreamy sigh. “It’s nothing that pancakes and coffee with extra creamer and sugar can’t fix, though.”
For once, when Eddie glances over, Gareth doesn’t look beyond pissed off. His expression is more neutral now, and it stays that way even when a door closes somewhere beyond the kitchen.
Steve pads into the living room, rubbing one of his eyes with the heel of his palm, and comes to stand beside the couch. Spreads a smile when he spies the couple on the sofa.
“I was wondering where he went,” he muses.
“Were you not cuddling him good enough or something? He’s been in here for a while,” Eddie chuckles.
Steve puts his hands on his hips and tilts his head to the side.
“I think he just missed you.” He sits on the armrest and reaches over, gently tucking Billy’s hair behind his ear. “Kept feeling your side of the bed and grumbling when you weren’t there.”
The information has a pang of sadness piercing Eddie’s chest. He holds Billy tighter and squeezes a surprised little grunt out of him, but the blond is quick to reciprocate. Nuzzles his face harder into Eddie’s neck and leans more heavily into his side.
“Did you come out here to take him back?” Eddie asks.
He flushes a bit red when he hears the shake in his own voice. Steve spreads a sympathetic smile.
“I figured, since…” he trails off, gesturing loosely around the living room. “You’d, y’know, want the room to yourselves.”
Eddie pouts at the thought of his sleepy boyfriend getting taken away. Momentarily considers calling it quits for the night so he can go snuggle Billy in the comfort of their bed, until Gareth clears his throat.
“It’s alright if he stays, or whatever.”
All eyes snap to him, and he crosses his arms over his chest nonchalantly. Eddie bites back on a grin, especially when he looks around and doesn’t see that either Grant or Jeff protest the claim.
Steve sighs and stands up.
“You okay if he stays?” he asks.
“Mhmm,” Eddie hums. Keeps his eyes on Steve as he rounds the sofa and leans over the back of it, draping his arms around Eddie’s neck. “You can stay too, if you want.”
Slender fingers tilt his chin up, and they meet in a soft kiss. Only parting when their smiles ruin it.
“You’re such a good boyfriend,” Steve coos.
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh.” Another kiss is planted on Eddie’s lips, and he can’t help but melt a little. “I’m gonna pass, though. Pretty sure you guys wouldn’t appreciate me snoring over the movie.”
Steve chuckles when Eddie pouts, leaning down to smudge a few kisses in Billy’s hair before he turns to pad out of the room.
“Goodnight, Stevie,” Eddie calls. “Love you.”
“Mm, love you, Stevie,” Billy grumbles.
In an instant, Steve is leaning over the back of the couch again and smothering them both in more hastily-placed kisses. Billy spreads a lazy smile and Eddie giggles until their lover ceases the affectionate burst.
“Hurry up and finish your movie night so I can cuddle with my boys,” Steve says.
Eddie hums when he’s given a squeeze for emphasis from Billy.
“Yes sir.”
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evansbby · 10 months
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poyt 5 is such a fucking rollercoaster, y’all! like i feel like people may not like it bc it’s so all over the place and it reads more like a book than a chapter 😭😭 in the sense that there isn’t just a beginning - middle - climax - end. It’s more like, a bazillion ups and downs, about three climaxes, three very emotional and poignant scenes (although I guess the main heart-wrenching scene is the big one in the middle, and then there’s a lot of mini heart-wrenches) and then there’s also a bit of comedic stuff which we haven’t seen in the other poyt parts, and some heavy romance stuff and revelation stuff, of course the main biggest climax, and then the ending and then the epilogue…
I guess I’m saying all this bc I feel like people will get bored halfway through bc it’s so super long 😭😭😭😭 I’m so so so anxious about people losing interest bc poyt 5 is very different structure wise 😭😭 I just threw EVERYTHING in without caution and now I’m editing and it’s like… some scenes are way too long but then I don’t want to cut anything, I feel like everything is so important to the story!!! And I keep thinking back to poyt 4 to reassure myself, bc it was 22k words long but I remember some of you saying that it didn’t FEEL like 22k words bc it went by quickly! I JUST HOPE y’all feel the same way about poyt 5😭
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opheliadae · 10 months
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It’s defend-your-thesis day. let’s do this
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sailermoon · 5 months
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my last praxis score is in
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roxyrondell · 5 days
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I’m about to hit publish on the first chapter of my OFMD modern au fic. It’s a long one at 7,122 words. Idk if I’ve ever seen one chapter that long before. I tried editing it down more but didn’t want to leave anything out. This is my first published fanfic ever so I’m extremely excited and nervous. The title is “We Belong” which I got from the song by Pat Benatar. I hope y’all like it. I hope I can get the next chapter edited and published soon!
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New the roommate series chapter is out and now it’s time to fuck this old man
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tmcsartstuff · 3 months
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Viv: hazbin finale releases tomorrow. We ready????
The people who don’t want a character to die: NOOOOO :((
chaggie shippers: NO. My sapphics are going to be MAD at each other.
Adam/ Lute haters: NO. I can’t bear to see them again.
Afraid of emotional damage: NO….
side character lovers: Is someone like Cherri going to fight with the main cast?
Alastor theorists: Are we getting more about Lilith?
those who thought the season was too short: wait what, it’s over?
the impatient: Season two is gonna take so long to release ofc not
simple enjoyer: FUCK YEAH
Me: NOOOOO MY COMFORT SHOW WAIT
Who are ya’ll gonna be like at the finale 😭
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leowantsfood · 1 year
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Fighting on your father’s grave
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amphirrhvx · 5 months
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johnny with freckles…,,,❤️❤️❤️❤️
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alt vers. under cut !
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