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thehorrortree · 1 month

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Deadline: April 30th, 2024 Payment: $30 CAD for features, $20 CAD for film diaries Theme: TEN + Films Note: This outlet looks more for non-fiction though does take poetry and some fiction on their topics, see details below to see if your work will count! In honour of our 10th issue, we’re getting literal and asking for submissions on film, TV, music videos, and pop culture relating to the number 10! This could look like: Cinema’s 10 Most Ineffectual Therapists, movies with “10” in the title, 10 Times I Fell Asleep in the Theatre, or movies celebrating their 10-year anniversary. At In The Mood, we don’t believe in taking ourselves too seriously, and this might be our least serious theme yet!* *But on a serious note, please read our full guidelines below before submitting 😉 This special issue will only feature 10 pieces, so send us your best! - Theme: TEN - Deadline: April 30th, 2024 - Word count for completed pieces: max 1,000 words for features, max 300 words for film diaries - Honorarium: $30 CAD for features, $20 CAD for film diaries 💡 Some ideas for inspiration: - 10-year anniversaries - Movies from 1910 or 2010 (but not ‘11s to ‘19s) - Top/Bottom 10 lists - 10 blindspots (and what you thought of them after watching) - Movies with “10” in the title (e.g. 10 Things I Hate About You, 10, 10 Items or Less, Ten Years, How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days) - What you loved watching when you were 10 - If you had 10 days left to live, what would you watch? - 10 times I ___ during a movie (e.g. cried, fell asleep, got horny, screamed) - First 10 movies you remember seeing - 10 frames from a movie - Focus on 10 of something in a movie (e.g. costumes, meals, furniture) - A celebrity/ famous character dinner party with 10 guests 👇 Please read our full guidelines before submitting: What We Publish We’re looking for writers with a distinctive voice, who aren't afraid of getting personal, and who are curious about why we watch what we watch. We appreciate thoughtful analysis but also a playful tone; we want intelligent pieces that aren't too full of themselves. We don't think of ourselves as an authority, but a confidante. 🎬 We publish the following about film, TV, pop culture, and moving image media—click for some examples we love: ‍ ‍- Personal essays, non-academic essays ‍- Conversations, roundtable discussions, interviews ‍- Poetry ‍- Round-ups, lists ‍- Experimental pieces, fan fiction, spec scripts ‍- Games, questionnaires - Visual art, comics ‍- First-person, on-the-ground pieces about going to movies or working behind the scenes ‍- Film Diaries (short personal piece about something you've watched lately) - Anniversary pieces (but try to think beyond "this movie is still great") - Works on other moving image media, e.g. music videos, celebrities, commercials, filming locations, interesting areas of the film industry ❌ Things to avoid: ‍ ‍- Straight up reviews - Excessive summary - Academic or overly-formal tone - Flat-out pans (if something is bad, tell us why that's interesting!) - Pre-1970s media (unless from 1910 for Issue 10!) - Clickbait/hot takes Please explore our past issues and our newsletter to get a sense of what we publish! How To Submit ‍We strongly prefer completed pieces, but we understand that writing on spec is not a realistic prospect for many writers. With that in mind, we still accept pitches. 👇 Please include: ‍ ‍- Completed piece (doesn't need to be perfectly polished!) ‍OR if you’re pitching: a short paragraph on the piece (topic, relevancy, intended word count - 1,000 words max for features, 300 words max for Film Diaries) - Why you think this is a good fit for In the Mood ‍- 1-2 writing samples (they don’t need to be published) - Short bio or link to your website Send Submissions & Queries to: [email protected]‍ What then? We aim to review our newsletter submissions within 1 week. We review all of our submissions at the end of our submission period, after which you’ll receive a response from us with our publication decision.

Please keep in mind that a rejection is not necessarily a reflection on the quality of your work! We get a large number of submissions and only have a limited number of spots per issue, which unfortunately means we have to pass on many great pitches. If your piece is accepted, it'll go through an editing process. As a volunteer-run journal, we pay a modest honorarium of $30 CAD per feature and $20 CAD for film diaries, sent upon publication. We acknowledge that this is not a market rate, and won't be doable for some writers. Thanks for pitching to In the Mood, we're looking forward to reading your work. And remember, we love surprises! 😈 Via: In The Mood Magazine.

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moonbeambucky · 4 years

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Hey Neighbor (Part 23)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader, Peter Quill x Reader Word Count: 3787 Warnings: fluff, light angst

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: Sorry for the delay but it’s here now, I hope you enjoy! Feedback is always appreciated!

HEY NEIGHBOR PART 22 | HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

It was hard to come to the realization that Bucky did want a relationship but you didn’t cut it. The weekend at the wedding was a test and you failed. You may have gotten high scores but obviously there was something about Claire that made her better than you. You’ve known Bucky for almost a year but in one date she was able to capture his heart in a way you never could.

The truth sits in your stomach like a rock, feeling the pain each time you move. It’s a boulder tied to your leg and you’re drowning but Peter cuts the rope, with soft gazes and a tender touch, sweet words and sweet sounds he pulls from you as you’re tangled together in bed.

You let go, let yourself be pulled into a bright world where Peter is waiting, because he actually wants you. There is no test. No competition with the exception of Groot. Even Rocket warmed up to you, the temperamental animal preferring to cuddle up in your lap over Peter’s. There was light now that the sea was no longer about to swallow you whole.

The group chat would still go off with messages about plans but you chose not to attend, taking the time to be alone with Peter or hang out with his friends. Drax was a fellow firefighter, a burly man, bald as an egg and covered in tattoos. Thor was a firefighter too, tall with cropped blond hair and biceps bigger than your head and then there was Gamora, the first friend Peter made when he moved to the city. And by friend you think he meant girlfriend though they have more of a platonic relationship now. She was effortlessly beautiful with rich brown eyes and hair, with the ends dyed a bright magenta that complimented the warmth of her skin.

It was nice to hang out with different people and it opened you up to seeing a new side of Peter when he was with his friends. Sometimes he was the Peter you knew, lighthearted and playful, teasing Drax for being too serious to understand a joke, other times Drax would make fun of him; a booming cackle coming from deep in his belly as he laughed at Peter’s expense. Most of the time Gamora would roll her eyes, calling them both idiots.

Thor did his fair share of teasing too although much less now that he was transferred to a new station. It’s probably for the best considering how often he and Peter seem to be in competition with each other though it’s all friendly underneath and you could tell how close everybody was.

They acted like a family and quickly accepted you as a part of theirs but your heart ached behind your smile, missing your own family. Steve who was like a brother to you, Wanda your sister, Peggy the mom of the group who was always there to care and comfort you if you were hurt, and Natasha the other mom that struck fear into the hearts of anyone who would dare hurt her family. Sam and Clint were the troublemakers and then there was Bucky.

You couldn’t think of how to describe him when you didn’t know what was real anymore. The Bucky that exists today is not the person you first knew; the man that was passionate about his music but apologized the moment he realized he was inconveniencing you. He didn’t have to do that. He could have been your asshole neighbor but instead he became a friend.

Peter takes your hand, jolting you from your thoughts as he pulls you off the couch to dance to “Come and Get Your Love.” It’s a fun distraction and you allow yourself to enjoy being swept up by it and surrounded by Peter’s affection.

Groot became accustomed to seeing you in Peter’s apartment, giving you a big greeting as you came over for dinner after a long day of work. Peter was able to steal a kiss before the big dog demanded more of your attention.

“Babe, can I use your laptop?” you asked, kneeling down to rub Groot’s stomach, hitting the spot that made his leg twitch.

Peter stepped away from the stove, wiping his hands quickly on a towel before getting his laptop from the bedroom. With Groot satisfied by his tummy rubs you were free to say hi to Rocket though he was sleeping.

“Here you go,” Peter said, handing you the laptop and leaning in for a better greeting. His tongue slipped past your lips as he deepened the kiss, pulling away when the hiss of boiling water splashed against the flames.

You set the laptop down on his table, bouncing your leg as you opened the cover and waited for it to load. Commencement was next month and you hadn’t applied for graduation yet. An email reminder you got earlier today sent you into a panic as the deadline was coming up.

It was not like you to forget something as important as this. Sure, there’s been a lot going on in the last month but there is no excuse to have let this slip your mind. You’re eager to take care of it right away, ready to log on to your school’s website but the last page Peter browsed was still up and it made your jaw drop.

“Oh my god Peter!” You flipped the laptop around to face him as he craned his head back. “What is this?” you asked, bursting with laughter.

Peter bloomed red like a rose, eyes going wide as he laughed, “Oh shit, sorry!”

The Sex Files, a threesome with an Agent Mulder-esque man having sex with two alien women, a busty brunette painted dragon fruit pink and the other a slim redhead with Wicked Witch green skin.

“Aliens, really?” You raised a brow questioning him with a smirk.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, slightly embarrassed. “It was on the main page. I gave it a chance,” he shrugged, chuckling.

You shook your head laughing, opening up a new tab so you could finally submit your graduation application. As Peter finished preparing dinner you ordered your cap and gown, smiling a little wider when you saw the citron hood, a symbol of all the hard work you’ve put in towards your Master’s degree.

Over dinner you teased Peter a little more about his video. “It’s fine if you’re into that but you won’t catch me painting my skin. Do you know how messy that would be?”

“You might as well. If I had a black light, I bet this place would already look like a Jackson Pollock painting.”

Groot lifted his head at your loud burst of laughter, playfully shoving Peter’s arm. You wouldn’t be lying if you said his joke was still on your mind later that night, lying together in his bed after having just added to the invisible art.

Hot sticky skin against each other’s, the sheets lightly draped over you as the mugginess of the air settled in the room. Your eyes closed languidly, watching the rise and fall of Peter’s chest as you drifted to sleep.

The sun blazes on the street of a sweltering Sunday morning as you walk towards your destination, wiping the sweat from your brow as you huff down into the seat beside Natasha and Wanda whose hair were nearly identical now though Wanda’s had a more fiery copper tone. A tiny smile pulls at your lips when you see mimosa flutes already on the table; now it was officially time for brunch.

You apologize for not seeing them as much lately and thankfully they understood. Wanda was practically inseparable from Sam when they first started dating so she definitely didn’t blame you, although she still thought you were making a mistake.

Bucky was in the back of your mind though you did your best to ignore the fact that you were at the same place you met Wanda almost a full year ago to complain about your new neighbor. So many things have changed but obviously it’s for the better.

“So…” Natasha said with an enticing tone in her voice. She wiped crumbs off of her lips, a faded cherry red from the lipstick that still clung to them. “I have big news.”

“You’ve set a date!” “You’re pregnant!” You and Wanda spoke at the same time, waiting with anticipation to see who was right.

“No,” Natasha laughed. “I made partner!”

“Congratulations, that’s amazing!” you said, leaning over to hug her.

Wanda followed suit and as you sat back down you kept your lips pressed tightly together, eyes widening as Natasha raised a brow to question Wanda about her guess. She sunk back into her seat, clenching her teeth with embarrassment but Natasha was only kidding (or maybe she wasn’t, sometimes you couldn’t tell.)

“Clint and I are going to throw a party once it’s official, nothing big. Y/N is it okay if I invite Bucky?”

Natasha’s turned towards you, holding your gaze with compassion overflowing in the depths of her eyes. She knew what happened between you and Bucky. Whether someone told her or she put it together herself, the latter most likely, it didn’t matter. She knew. She knew and she wasn’t looking to force a resolution but to make sure that you as her friend would be comfortable being around Bucky. You assumed she realized you weren’t only spending time with Peter because of your new relationship but still Natasha didn’t question your actions. She waited patiently, a soft smile on her pillowy lips until you gave an answer.

“Of course Tash, you can invite Bucky.” Wanda started to look as green as her avocado toast as she gave you a worried stare. “I promise, I don’t have a problem with him.”

No one questioned your answer despite the opinions they held back silently and the rest of brunch was spent playing catch up since Steve’s birthday. You hadn’t really missed much, Clint was sleeping until noon most days, Steve was still growing in his beard, Bucky was… still with Claire. Yeah. You figured. You may have checked her Instagram again, seeing a picture of two coffee orders tagged at The Grind House.

After leaving the girls you went home with a seed of anxiety planted in your stomach, knowing it will grow larger every day until Natasha’s party where you would have to see Bucky and Claire again. You wanted to get this over with, rip the band aid off and see them but sometimes life liked to mess with you. Natasha’s party wouldn’t be until the following weekend because this weekend she and Clint were going to Vermont so he could participate in an amateur archery tournament.

You try your best not to focus on the countdown until the party despite the sequoia sized tree of anxiety, each limb a different scenario playing out in your mind of all the terrible things that could happen. It didn’t help that this was your last week at Metro-General as the semester was over. While you were thrilled to have finally finished your hours leaving Elena made you emotional.

This was the end of a long journey, a ride you never expected to be on for so long but now it was over; this is the end of the line and part of you doesn’t want to get off the train. Your legs are atrophied from being in the same spot, Stark Industries, Metro-General, soon it would be time to walk away from both but you’re not sure you remember how. The real world is scary and your doubts and fears are starting to take over.

On the Monday before the party there’s a knock on your door and all you can do is smile. You’ve expressed to Peter just how anxious you are about actually achieving your dream. He comforted you, reminding you there was nothing to worry about and to cheer up. Peter always knew how to bring out your smile and you suspect he’s orchestrated another flower delivery for you. A pre-graduation congratulations of sorts, something to lift your spirits and get your mind back on track to where it needs to be.

You open the door without looking, expecting to see a grand bouquet, or even courier holding balloons but instead there was Bucky. You felt the tree twist within your body, growing to an enormous scale. Your eyes catch sight of an item in his hand, a hanger wrapped in plastic and beneath it the dress you wore to the wedding.

“Hey nei– ” He cleared his throat, speaking your name instead after watching the way your whole body dropped at the sight of him, from the smile that faded to the slouch of your shoulders. “I needed to get my suit dry cleaned and I forgot about this. I got it dry cleaned too so, uh… don’t worry about it.”

He rambled a bit, nervous, handing the dress to you.

“Thanks.” You said, biting back the nauseous feeling that crept its way up your throat.

“Going to Nat’s party?” he asked, hoping small talk would open the door to a real conversation.

Yes, I was friends with them first. “Yeah.” The curtness stayed in your mind only though your short answer wasn’t any friendlier.

Bucky nodded his head, “Kay… cool,” he said, with an uneasy tone that tried to pass itself off as calm. “See ya there.”

You smiled with tension, shutting your door. Tears were burning in your eyes, falling down your cheek as you jolted at the sound of his door slamming beside yours. Your dress was tossed to the side as you ran into the bathroom, running the water in the shower to mask the sound of your body heaving over the toilet. Bile burned up your throat, hot tears streaked down your cheeks and your heart felt like it was being torn apart by wolves.

Avoiding Bucky didn’t help you get over him, and seeing him now, clutching your dress… a painful reminder of the weekend you spent together made it all worse. You wanted to call Wanda, to cry in her arms again, or Steve or even Val, to get drunk with and forget this ever happened. But you couldn’t call anyone. You couldn’t do anything but sink onto the cool tile floor of the bathroom, wishing you never met Bucky, sorry that he ever moved next door in the first place. You cried until there was nothing left to give.

Now that you were done with your internship you were back at Stark Industries full time, devoting your days to The September Foundation, and helping coordinate a guest list for the opening gala. It was a lot of work that kept your mind very occupied so when it was time for Natasha’s party you were feeling better.

Better but not great.

Every time you glanced over at Claire’s arm looping through Bucky’s you felt weak and gripped Peter with a tighter hold. Each time he would lean down to kiss your temple, to hug you, hold you, show affection in any way while being ignorant of the real meaning behind your touch.

Claire waved her hand in front of Bucky’s eyes, having apparently been calling out to him though he didn’t hear it. He was caught up in his thoughts, lost in a tunnel that plunged him further into darkness every time Peter caressed your sweet skin.

He apologized, snapping himself back, taking note of the concern held in Claire’s eyes. He forced his muscles to fake a smile but it was useless, just as he tried to force the emotion that was absent in their kiss. Does Claire feel it too? It’s been that way for a while, empty actions, going through the motions so Bucky can continue to convince himself that something is there but he can’t do it anymore.

The next day he breaks up with Claire and it isn’t a surprise. They part on amicable terms and while Bucky should feel better he doesn’t. You’re still with Peter, and it was his stupidity that sent you straight into his arms.

Claire was supposed to be something special, that relationship he had been longing for but instead she was just a distraction, a voice to occupy his mind, a warm body to keep him company, but none of it worked. Her voice was nails on a chalkboard compared to yours, her body a pair of dice thrown across a half empty puzzle; it wasn’t a match, she wasn’t you.

Now it’s Bucky’s turn to avoid you, staying quiet in his apartment, taking the stairs so he didn’t have to chance meeting you in the elevator. He can’t handle it. He walks quickly past your door, his heart wrenching every time he’s forced to think of you, remembering what he lost.

Emptiness creeps in like a fog, loneliness settles in the empty cavern of his heart, without you life has lost its rhythm.

It’s late in the day when you receive an email from your school that sends you reeling. You couldn’t graduate. You thought it was a mistake, it had to be! There was no way this was correct.

Shaking fingers dialed the school as shaky hands stumbled across the keyboard, logging into your records and double checking that every class you’ve taken over the years is complete with a grade, and then you saw it. Your internship. INCOMPLETE.

Upon the school’s review you didn’t have enough hours, which is impossible because you have been busting your ass since the Fall semester to do this. You planned it, calculated every day, every hour and yet somehow you were wrong.

Your voice cracked as you begged for a resolution, bawling to the person over the phone that you’re thankful can’t see the way tears and snot are streaming down your face, sorry for the fact that they have to hear the way you loudly blow your nose into the phone.

By the end of the conversation you have a plan but it isn’t one that you like. You can walk for commencement next week but you would have to make up the hours and won’t receive your diploma until December.

You cleaned your face, barely, hoping to avoid everyone as you made your way down to Steve’s desk. You broke the moment you saw him, trying to keep your composure as best as you could until he was ready to leave.

Steve was devastated for you as was Wanda when you spoke to her that night. Natasha was already looking into your school’s policies to see if there was any legal recourse. “We can prove negligence on their behalf by failing to communicate in a timely manner to you the student that you did not meet the necessary requirements for graduation, therefore breaching their contractual obligation to provide adequate course guidance in accordance with…”

She went on with more legal jargon before you stopped her. “No, Nat this is my fault. It was my responsibility to calculate my hours. Would it have been nice to have an accurate figure to go off of? Sure, but I was the one who should have double checked. If I went in for an audit I would have known exactly how many hours I needed to get complete before the deadline.”

Natasha let out a sigh of frustration, wishing there was something more she could have done. Instead she let you lean against her, curled up on her couch as Clint prepared a giant bowl of ice cream topped with whipped cream, M&Ms and chocolate syrup.

“Thanks guys, I really appreciate this,” you sniffled, wiping a stray tear away.

It was nice to have your friends around for the night considering Peter was working. You could have texted him about this but chose not to. His shifts are long and stressful as it is and you didn’t want to add to whatever might already be on his mind.

But the next day you went to his apartment after work, somberly dragging yourself in through the door. Groot was able to put a smile on your face, and Rocket too, sticking his little hand out to try and unlock his cage upon hearing your voice but it wasn’t enough to stop the tears.

You took Peter by surprise as you wrapped your arms around him, soaking through his shirt as you cried. He held you close, stroking your hair gently as he whispered, “It’s okay. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.”

Peter walked you to the couch, his thumb softly wiping away tears, squeezing your hand in his as he waited for you to let him know what was going on. And when you did he let out a sigh of relief. “You scared me so much. I thought something bad happened.”

You were taken aback by his reaction, confused for a moment because maybe in your tear riddled conversation the truth about what happened got lost.

“Peter, I can’t graduate. I have to wait until December.”

“Right but you’re going to graduate. You can still go to commencement and all you have to do is make up the hours right? Did you talk to Elena?”

Of course you spoke to Elena, she was sorry to hear about what happened and is going to work something out with you but that wasn’t the point.

“Peter, I don’t think you understand what this means to me. One of my best friends died from a situation that could have been prevented if a social worker was involved. Ever since then my only goal in life was to become a social worker, to never let something like that happen again. And now I have to wait four months to graduate, four months before I can apply for jobs and go on interviews.”

“It’s just four months.”

Whatever Peter said after you didn’t hear. Everything was white noise as four simple words destroyed your soul. How could he not understand? It doesn’t matter that you will be able to make up your hours (which you will), it doesn’t matter that you are allowed to walk for commencement next week (which you won’t because it isn’t real). What mattered was that after all this time, all of your hard work, the sacrifices you’ve made, working full time while you were in school, exhausting yourself to the bone with your internship, that none of it was enough and you still have to wait. It isn’t just four months, it's a painful setback for your dreams.

Peter doesn’t get it.

Bucky got it...

PART 24

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes au #peter quill x reader

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luvdsc · 3 years

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just realized i forget to respond the day you did,, so here it is a little late LMAO

no worries abt your response time!! i know you’re super busy and tumblr notifs and features bug out all the time

paint definitely offers a lot of freedom! i think it’s probably the most therapeutic of all the mediums? like there’s something relaxing about mindlessly, or carefully, using a brush and watching it come to life

drawings,, full portraits that is, are normally like 5+ hours for me ? i’m very slow already as an artist and i get distracted very easily too,, so i kinda forget about pieces or what part i was doing all the time💀

i have one piece of my art i did on my wall! it’s something i entered in a competition. i didn’t win and i’m still proud of it, but i do think the background isn’t that great (mainly bc i had sharpened the pencil i was using a stump and couldn’t buy a new one to blend everything better before i had to submit it)

i do gift art for birthdays mainly!! but not all the time since i am very slow and tend to not finish in time😭

i actually make fake photocards of my drawings sometimes, which are really nice, because i have a printer and laminator and a way to do all of it at home!!

i also bake a lot in my free time. like if i’m not drawing, reading, playing a game, or watching video essays, i’m cooking or baking! i feel like i do a lot of creative hobbies but i’m not sure what i’m actually going to do career/college wise? i don’t want to suck the fun out of my hobbies by making them a job, and it’s also really weird to consider i have to apply to colleges this fall and i will already have “completed” freshman year, credit-wise!

omg no worries, lovebug, i know i'm answering this super late sorry 🤧 but i hope you've been doing well and this week has been off to a good start for you! 💕

yesss exactly! i think there's so much more freedom with painting compared to other art types, especially when i do some finger painting and just splatter paint everywhere, it's just so incredibly therapeutic and relaxing :')

alkjdhlakjdfs 5 hours is considered slow???? i've been slaving over the same picture for months 😭 i really need to get a move on this, but i also keep redoing the same areas because i don't like how it looks rip

omg that's awesome, lovebug! what's the artwork on your wall of? :o adflakjslfdask i hate sharpened pencils like it makes the darkest marks and then it won't go away no matter how hard you erase it and kasjdfhas ugh yeah the stubby pencils are the best for drawing

aaaaa your friends are so lucky to get artwork from you as their presents 💛💛 oof i feel that, like i don't want to rush art but bdays are such strict deadlines so i end up working super fast aksjfdas

seoulbinz photocards limited edition 🤩🤩🤩 that's uber cool, lovebug !!!! and if you have a clear phonecase, you can swap them out on the back 💞

oooo what's your favorite thing to bake, honey bee? cooking and baking are so much fun! 💕 i recently tried out a super easy recipe for mochi waffles using the melona ice cream bars, and it came out pretty well?? i was surprised 🤧 and i feel that! i definitely don't want to turn something i love into something i hate, so i ultimately went the route of separating my hobby from my career. but it really depends on the person! do you have any majors in mind? and that was me too :') all my ap credits covered for my first year / lower div general class requirements - it's definitely helpful because if you're stuck with choosing a major, you can opt to sign up for classes in different majors and see what you enjoy best! i signed up for business and engineering classes my freshman year, which was a bit of an overkill, but it was very helpful and i learned that i did not enjoy comp sci engineering aklsdhfas

#asks #seoulbinz

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sillystarshine · 4 years

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90210 season 3

ep 29&30 Commencement parts 1 and 2

I am loving the whole gangs outfits at the beginning of this episode

did they really all take a 40 min drive(if traffic was light) just to discuss this plan of theirs?

I love that Brenda and Dylan were the first ones togo for steve’s plan(soul mates! little rebellious soul mates ;) those two )

awe. cute little moment with Brenda & Dylan playing football >.<

Senior Wills? never heard of those did anybody do these at their high school

David 6 finals in 3 days means 2 finals a day...is this not the norm? I mean that’s exactly how i took my finals in high school 2 finals each day school was over by noon each day

How’s Dylan able to go anywhere sending in his application so late? unless he plans to start in the winter or spring semester?

WOW I’m shocked that hulu/the show was actually able to keep one of the songs they used in the original airing(school’s out by Alice Cooper)

Do people who work in TV just blissfully ignore/or forget about college application deadlines? It’s either late May or Mid June by the time these kids are graduating so they should be (or have already) finding out what college they are going to... not just barely submitting applications and recommendation letters

whoa make that 2 for 2 in keeping the songs!

I love that Nat is now an honorary member of the class of ‘93

OMG I forgot that David wasn’t really a part of the gang during the whole Laverne episode! (update: just watched the Laverne episode again David was actually there when Brenda and co. were lip-synching It’s my party)

Also is this episode clip/flashback episode?! So cheesy and cheap and yet I love it already!

oh no Andrea don’t you be having second thoughts about Yale just because of Brandon

lol baby David Silver...back when he had a crush on Kelly... they work much better as step siblings

The Walshes should just open their own ice cream Parlor at this point

Also Brenda and I both agree extra candy in ice cream everyday ;)

“Mom, this is the '90s: what kind of insecure wuss chooses a college based on where some guy is going” ~Brenda just before Andrea walks in...Pot meet Kettle lol

No Andrea thought Damn he’s cute! when Brandon first walked into the news room and you know what i can’t blame her ;)

i think we all jumped to conclusions regarding Andrea and Yale...oops

Smush??? :P that’s really you’re nickname for him Kelly? bleh

of all the flashbacks why must we flashback to Dylan choosing Kelly? did the writers enjoy seeing the fans suffer

they need stop acting like Kelly and Dylan were the big will they wont they couple of the show I’m sorry but they’ve barely been together for like 6-8 months and i’m going to stop there i’ll save the whole Dylan-Brenda-Kelly love triangle fiasco for another day

getting interrupted all the time you’re with Dylan, Kelly maybe you should take it as a sign

I love Dylan’s mom! She’s definitely the captain of Brylan(Brenda & Dylan) ship

“you’re still with Kelly?!”~Iris Mckay 1993 what a mood; same Iris same

I love Steve and Andrea’s friendship such an oddball one but it works

An egg hahaha

the double date from hell! lol that episode was hilarious and one of the last genuine sweet moments Kelly and Brenda had as friends(sans season 4 b/c idk what’s happening there)

Brenda’s Pairis adventure will always be her big what if...and i hate it :’(

an SNL skit lol too cute David and Donna

Damn no forgetting it’s the early ‘90′s with all those TVs on rolling carts...i guess they couldn’t project their video with a projector?

Damn David is not holding back handing Steve the giant legacy key lol

do you think the class of ‘93 was like WTF when they got their video year book and it was basically days in the life of Davids best friends lol

like why was David even considering putting the gangs camping trip in the yearbook? it had nothing to do with school

but i sure am glad they’re showing it lol

wait since when did Brenda and Kelly have a film crew with them when they went sky diving? lol

Hello Day! and who could forget Emily Valentine

what is this random musical number? about Brandon hahaha

oh i thought Brandon was day dreaming but nope it’s happening which makes all that much more bizarre and funny

also is it a little odd that Brenda is apart of this song? maybe it’s just me lol

oh Brandon you’ve been with more than a few girls

Oh the Spring Dance back when Dylan and Brenda were the happiest they’d ever been!

Jim and Cindy get a flashback too and it’s to one of their strangest encounters ever hahahaha until Brandon got arrested for Drunk Driving

Why do they keep teasing/hurting us with these greatest moments of Dylan and Brenda! Now the shower moment?!

Awe i still feel so bad for David and Scott :’(

If i didn’t know any better i’d say this episode is leading back to Dylan and Brenda getting back together but i know it’s not

it sure does feel like you flipped a coin Dylan

had there been no Kelly i think he Brenda would’ve gotten back together

I still think he would’ve had a summer fling...but had it been with someone random or a new character then i think it would’ve ended and he’d realize how stupid he was and get back with Brenda

He loved her more than he ever thought he could love anyone!

so he was scared by how much he genuinely loved Brenda i knew it!

Oh Iris I love how she doesn’t hide who she’s rooting for!

Dylan i know you have your problems with her but when it comes to relationship advice please listen to her ;)

I really wish Kelly would’ve gone to Paris :/

awe cute Minnesota twins moment(but has Brandon always been there for you Brenda? really it’s debateable)

oh I’m glad to see the writers remembered that both Brenda and Brandon transferred to West Beverly as almost straight A students and they are now graduating with honors

it just sounds weird to hear 1993 as 19 hundred and 93

damn poor Andrea can’t even relax on her graduation day

awe Kelly’s father actually showed up :’)

awe i loved that Jim(and Cindy) had a flashback moment that was specific to Brandon and Brenda

Dylan not only got a picture with his mom but now she’s taking a picture of him with Jim and Cindy who she knows might as well been his actual parents with all the times they were there for him

oh wow that was so mature of Dylan to reinstate the trust

uhhh no seriously i’m pretty sure they have to watch out for mountain lions

Very cool (and cheesy) way to end the high school years of 90210(gotta love that green screen lol)

and so we’ve come to the end of another season overall i’d give this season a 7.5/10 it lost a lot of points for all the Brenda-Dylan-Kelly BS it put me through and then even more pints lost when my OTP didn’t come out on top :P but overall good season

Onto Season 4 the gangs first year of college and honestly possibly the last season i watch since Brenda/Shannen leave the show at the end of it idk we’ll cross that bridge when we get there

#90210 #beverly hills 90210 #bh 90210 #season 3 #BH Review #tv show review #Brenda Walsh #dylan mckay #kelly taylor #Brandon Walsh #andrea zuckerman #steve sanders #david silver #donna martin

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fallingfromdepression · 4 years

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10/28/2020

writing this in the middle of a class session per usual, but we’re going over a midterm exam from monday that we had 24 hours to work on and turn in. and well guess who’s the person who didn’t even LOOK at the midterm until around 9-10pm my time (it was due at 11am my time) so I pulled an all-nighter to do it ... anyway listening to the professor and some students discuss the midterm answers during this class session and i’m like LMAO ... i am so fucked because while my thoughts may be in the right direction, my answers were definitely not as developed bc 1. i literally worked on it in the wee hours of the night when my brain is basically shut down and 2. I have only been watching lectures and not doing ANY of the readings. and the latter point is important bc legit the last midterm question most ppl apparently referenced the latest class reading we were supposed to have done and i just said some underdeveloped bullshit not referencing anything.

i mean i’m fucked for all of my classes basically bc i’ve been putting off doing all work. i’m behind on like 2-3 lectures in one class, i have a midterm essay due friday that i haven’t even STARTED thinking abt or working on at all (only 2 pages tho so i’m not AS fucked as i could be), and i have a graded discussion for this class above that closes tmr that i still haven’t added to bc 1. i still haven’t finished the reading and 2. ppl be writing goddamn ESSAYS and also seem to know shit and i’m just like idk anything at all. and like i see all this and i’m like ok i need to take time to work on it but yet i just be on twitter and youtube and IG basically 24/7 not doing work even when deadlines creep and eventually barrel closer.

i mean part of it is anxiety, i’m too nervous to do it bc i know i won’t get it done perfectly (bc i haven’t been doing any readings and shit) so i just put it off and then end up having to submit crap anyway. but part of it is just me being a fucker bc i’ve managed to scrape by the last 2-3 yrs with this bare minimum mentality so theoretically i can do it again for this next year but the issue is now it’s starting to show in my grades bc before i could manage A-B grades but now it’s going into lower B-C range aka actually reflecting my lack of motivation and low quality of work. and also i’m getting no sleep so maybe that’s impacting the number of brain cells i can rub together for warmth. i just don’t feel motivated to do work even when the deadline is breathing down my neck, and i get easily distracted/lose focus when i’m actually attempting to do the work. idk if it’s unaddressed adhd cropping up more (context i’ve never officially been diagnosed with it but i’ve been reading cases of ppl struggling with adhd suddenly in higher edu situations lately and it just sounds a lot like what’s going on with me) or if it’s me with shit health habits. i’m not even motivated to do things i feel like i’d enjoy doing, like art projects or whatever idek. i’m just going by each day scrolling through twitter and IG uselessly, watching youtube videos when i should be doing schoolwork or actual work at my part-time job, and feeling miffed abt the state of affairs and the world yet doing nothing abt it (like volunteering or reading up on theory or etc).

starting to think maybe i seriously do need to see a therapist. i feel scared of saying all this bc i literally put myself in this situation and i don’t really want to hear a therapist telling me what i already know aka i need to do the work to get out of this hole, it’s not all gonna get solved by continuing to bury my head in the sand. but since i don’t have any close friends or friends in general to talk about this with, and i don’t really want to unload on my sibling or academic advisor... i really need to get an outlet to just spill all this out and maybe get a new, fresh view on it. the thing abt therapy is tht it feels exhausting to have to do multiple intakes to try to find the right therapist though ... i just want the first one to be good for me and then go from there. i did one intake sometime last year and that therapist was aight so honestly maybe i should just go with her for now so at least i got SOMEONE... god getting it all down makes me realize how fucked and unhinged i am fr. i didn’t mean for these diary entries to be like this but my academics are so tied up with my mental health so it makes sense.

#diary

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yeahyeahbaby · 4 years

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Finished my first game and game jam!

Link to my game Ahh, Crabs! I realized that I haven’t posted in a while, so I thought I would write about finishing my first game and game jam, and what my next plans are. Get ready for a fucking novel lol.

I entered the I Can't Draw But Want To Make A Game (Again) game jam because I wanted to make a game. Before starting the jam, I’d thought about game development and 3D modeling on and off for about a year, but hadn’t started any projects. Last summer, I’d watched BlenderGuru’s series and made a render of a doughnut which was cool and did a few tutorials on the Unity learn site, but I didn’t do anything with those newly developed skills and eventually forgot most of what I’d learned. I’m currently 24, going to be 25 in August, and I think a lot about how I spend my time, am I on the right path, what do I want out of life, etc. All of the big existential anxiety inducing questions. I work as a front-end web developer, its a great job, but I know that I don’t want to do web development forever. Anyway, I’d recently started thinking about game development, and wanted to try committing myself again. Game development presents the opportunity for me to create something that combines all of my interests. Art, music, technology, story telling, world building, animation, etc. It’s also appealing to me because being an indie developer means being an entrepreneur. I know that I want a life where I’m my own boss. I want to decide what projects I work on and what takes priority. I want to build a creative life where I can support myself financially from my work. I thought about how this time could be different from a year ago where I tried to get into game development, but never committed. I started off slow by creating small assets with MagicaVoxel while I tried to come up with ideas. This is when I remembered that game jams were a thing. I found the game jam (not going to keep typing the name cuz its long as hell lol) on itch.io and was hesitant to enter. I was afraid of starting and committing to something only to let myself down when I didn’t finish. I’d recently started journaling and was writing about this fear that I had. I realized as I was writing that I was stopping myself from trying something because of fear. That’s when I decided to commit to entering. The great thing about game jams is that they take place over a set period of time and you’re usually given some kind of parameters. This was EXTREMELY helpful to me because I was able to quickly come up with an idea for the game. I knew that I only had two weeks to finish. Not two full weeks because of course I work full time and have other home chores to do. Plus ya girl likes to relax and watch anime ( I think at the time I was actually reading Hana Yori Dango aka Boys Over Flowers uwu). So being given a set time period helped me to plan a semi-realistic scope for the game. So I started to work on the game! I had a lot of fun making silly art and music. Because the mechanics of my game were also SUPER simple, I could easily find tutorials for everything that I wanted to implement. Even with the tutorials, I still had small hiccups as I worked my way around Unity and C#, but I was never stuck for more than a few hours. Things were going great! And then.... I stopped working on the game. I think I didn’t work on the game for like 4-5 days?? I got off track because of some personal stuff that I had to deal with. Once it was handled, I didn’t immediately get back to work. I wasn’t really motivated anymore and I was running out of time. I felt like I had wasted time already, I wasn’t going to make the deadline so why FUCKING TRY *sobs*. BUT! Once again, journaling saved the day again lol. I was writing about these feelings and saw how stupid I sounded. Why TF am I giving up before the jam ends???? BITCH!!! So I got back to work. I think at this point I had like 3-4 days left?? Something like that. I worked my butt off , literally until the deadline. I was rushing like crazy, super determined to finish. I was keeping up with a Trello board of things I wanted to add to the game, but a lot of things had to get cut. For example, the help button, a pause game function, cleaning up the mechanics, also wanted to add some pre-game comics, etc. BUT thankfully I was able to prioritize the absolute must haves to make the game playable and shippable lol. So, the deadline was 12am CST Friday. 11:59pm CST rolled around. And I’m still waiting for my build so I can upload it. 12am came and it was too late. I didn’t make it. I was literally sobbing. I don’t remember the last time I cried so much. I was just feeling super emotional. I had a long day at work, just spent the last 8 hours crunching to finish my game to submit to the game jam, and even though it was finished, in the moment I felt like a failure because I couldn’t submit it to the jam. I know it may sound silly, like BITCH you did the thing! You made a game! You reached your goal! Buuuut I was still feeling like shit lol. The build finished and I uploaded it it itch.io. I was sniffling around the discussion board on the jam’s page, feeling sorry for myself, and decided to post a link to my game and let everyone know that Hey! I finished this game but couldn’t submit it in time. pls check it out *sobs* WELL! Many blessings came my way, the creator of the jam was sending unique submission links to people who missed the deadline a little! They saw my post and sent me a submission link. Of course I submitted that hoe so fucking quick lmaooo A wave of relief washed over my exhausted shriveled body. It was time for celebration and sleep because a bitch had to go to work the next day. I’m so thankful for this experience. I saw something that I wanted to do, I committed, almost QUIT, BUT PUSHED THROUGH AND REACHED MY GOAL! I feel so much confidence in myself and my ability to pursue and finish my creative projects, whatever they may be. SO WHAT’S NEXT BITCH???? Well, thank you for asking uwu I’m going to make another game! This time, not part of a jam so I have to keep myself super accountable. I want to make a game where I can learn and experiment with dialogue, camera movement, art, and sound design. I think I’ve settled on an idea but need to give it some more thought before I commit and reveal the idea. I’m hoping for about 30-45 minutes of game play?? And I want to work on this project for 6 months, so pretty much the rest of 2020. Might as well keep myself busy while the world burns :/ If anyone is reading this and made it this far, wow, i’m impressed. I wouldn’t have read this much lol I think I’m going to make a youtube video on this topic?? I mean, if I can write a novel about it might as well talk about it on youtube. It can be my first dev-log-ish type video for the yeahyeahbaby channel (that has yet to be created lol) Okay. Bye-bye now.

#gamedev #indiegamedev #retrospective #GameJam #womeningames

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layesica · 4 years

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2019: It was a year that ends tonight.

2018 was rough, right? Well, so was 2019!

I did not feel like writing this, but it’s a tradition now, so for the fifth year in a row, here’s what I did all year with some of the crappy crap that made it not the greatest. I can’t promise an unwavering sense of optimism, but it’s okay. I’m okay. Here we go!

JANUARY Went to The Not Inappropriate Show at UCB curated by the Odenkirks, then Spent New Years Eve at Dynasty Typewriter with Ian & Emily. It was fun, but... eh. Home is better, y’all. Home is always better. Did a couple performances of a show at Second City – A Fonzie Scheme. It was fun. I was in an improv class at The Pack. I think it was Improv 4. The last weekend of January, Very Famous went to Sketchfest, which was super amazing. That’s, like, a goal. And even though it had pretty much nothing to do with anything I did, it was cool. And it was fun. And I was at a party with Neil Patrick Harris and I was SUPER cool about it.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse. It was free, and I would have never seen it otherwise. I enjoyed it. It was good.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Toasted Coconut Milk & Cookies (V)

FEBRUARY Made a return trip with Ian & Emily to San Francisco. Well, Oakland with an SF jaunt. I don’t have any cool stories, but Emily fought a seagull for her cookie and won, and that was pretty badass. On the drive back, there was a ton of snow just on the other side of the Angeles National Forest. I wasn’t excited enough to get out of the car, but snow is nice to look at. Oh, I had lunch with one of the head writers on my dream show that my old roommate met at the gym. I am terrible at networking.

Went to stuff: LA Times screening of VICE. It was free, and I would have seen it... eventually. It was... a bit... self-indulgent.

Salt & Straw Flavor: “The Chocolatier Series” = Jeni’s Coffee & Sweet Cream

MARCH Auditioned for a house improv team at The Pack. I didn’t mention working with a practice group all of February & March to prep for that. The biggest bummer about not getting on a team may have been the loss of that practice group. It was fun while it lasted.

Went to stuff: Saw comedy dads, Bob & David, at Largo. They asked for volunteers, and I almost passed just thinking about it. Ian & Emily jumped up there. Good for them!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Smoked Sea Salt & Chocolate Crack

APRIL Interviewed for a new job at one of the guilds. HEY! I owe the government $3700. That’s fun! I went ahead and added a good purse to my new 0 APR card.

Went to stuff: Dana Gould Podcast at Dynasty Typewriter. Panel with Conan Writers at Lyric Hyperion. For some reason, I saw Avengers: Endgame. I dunno. I feel like I should see it through for some reason. Deadline did their day-long FYC event, The Contenders, at Paramount, so I spent all day seeing so many people from TV and eating so much yummy food in between. Amazon FYC at Hollywood Athletic Club – went mostly for the building. Prime seat at Conan taping.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Wildflower Honey with Ricotta Walnut Lace Cookies – I wait all year for this to roll around again!

MAY We were supposed to have a call for a travel show on Buzzfeed, but they ghosted us. I went camping with a huge group at Idyllwild, which would have been fun, but it was FREEZING and I got SUPER sick on the second day. After a few days, I got better and got the guild job. Free insurance, baby! (More on that later.) Bought a Universal pass.

Went to stuff: A UCB show with people from Chicago. Free Booksmart screening with Q&A. Such a good movie! LA Times panel for Broad City. I never really watched it, but I would love to have a partnership like that! Netflix FYSee for Nanette. Guys, people are like vultures for the passed trays. Adam Sandler at Dynasty Typewriter. Attended the actual red carpet, fancy-pants premiere of Amazon’s Late Night. It was enjoyable and not at all realistic, and I could not stop staring at John Early in the theater. He glows!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Pear & Blue Cheese

JUNE Went to stuff: FYSee for Dead To Me. I had not seen it yet, but then I watched it and it’s good. JV show at UCB with Paul F Tompkins. Did a lap at the AT&T Shape event that is always free. I only go to be on the WB lot where I would like to be more often. Like, 40+ hours a week more often. That’s it. I just went to stuff.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Campfire S’mores (with Brian)

JULY SO. MANY. EARTHQUAKES. After the third one, it stopped being cute. Went for a drive to the Angeles Forest and hiked to a waterfall. Did a sketch with Very Famous at Packcon. It was a small group, so I got a part! Huzzah!

Went to stuff: Saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood at the Cinerama dome. (First visit!) Not a great idea because I kept trying to pick out the scenery and got a bit of motion sickness. Shirtless Brad Pitt on a roof in the ‘70s is nice.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Goat Cheese Marionberry Habanero (2x)

AUGUST Went on a random overnight to San Jose. Time to get panicky about Pack Sketch Teams! I did what I should have done last year and requested to be moved. I loved the people on my team, but I wasn’t getting a return on investment for myself. And that’s no fun. Did a show called Gibberish with Duckboi as Sharon Osborne and wore a great wig. Sketch is fun. Fell off my bike & got bruised legs.

Went to stuff: Mike O’Brien & Friends at Lyric Hyperion. Saw some Pack shows to be a supportive. Put up a sketch at GSY.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Green Fennel & Maple

SEPTEMBER Started working tech at UCB. It’s pretty easy. I get to see new faces... and old faces, too. I have no more comedy theaters to work at. Well, unless someone is going to pay me real money. My vision has been getting blurrier, so I went to the eye doctor to get new glasses. Ended up getting referred to a specialist for a “freckle” in my eyeball, but had to wait a month to go. Submitted a character video for Pack Sketch performer auditions. Got a callback! That’s one step further than last years attempt, and I actually came up with characters and I was pretty proud of it. Came up with more characters, then faced the fear of being on a stage all by myself while trying to be funny. I felt good about it. It used to take a day to find out, but not this time...

Link to Character Audition Video

Went to stuff: Got an AMAZING ticket (location & price) to see Skintight at the Geffen with friggin’ Idina Menzel. She is a queen! It’s a cute theater I should go to more stuff at. Saw Scott Thompson as Buddy Cole at the Lyric Hyperion. So good! I think I’ve seen the evolving show every year I’ve lived here. My face hurts for several days after. Lyndsey got a fancy job and invited me to the Dreamworks Friends & Family screening of Abominable. Would not have seen it. It was cute. Thanks, Lyndsey!

Salt & Straw Flavor: Forgettable

OCTOBER Flew to Denver for my cousin’s wedding. I almost typed, “weeding.” That’s Colorado for you. It was my first time to see my family all year. The time just got away from me. I got a late flight out and spent the day walking around Denver on my own. Went to a good bookstore. Ate some Giordano’s. Left my luggage in a van. Found out I got cut from Very Famous – also, Very Famous got cut from sketch night – and I didn’t make a new team. Started watching new season of Mr. Robot and felt so lost, so started it from the beginning. The new Almodóvar came out, so I bought one of those expensive Arclight tickets. It was very, very good. Maybe my favorite Almodóvar film. Worth it! Saw the specialist about my eye. They dilated it, took a bunch of pictures, did a closed-eye ultrasound (Yeah, they use jelly for that!), and refereed me to another specialist. Hunter picked me up, and I ate at Canter’s for the first time. The specialist’s office made the appointment for me at an oncologist. Guys, I just wanted new glasses and now can’t stop Googling some pretty scary stuff! Lyndsey took me to USC & hung out with me for a while. They dilated my eye, took a bunch of pictures of it with a bunch of different machines, performed an OPEN EYE ultrasound, saw two trainees and then the doctor. She said she is not diagnosing me with melanoma. BUT it has the orange color and a sliver of the fluid that are “concerning.” The pictures of the tumor weren’t as large at the ophthalmologist’s pictures made it look. So... bright side, I guess. I go back in January to check for changes. Margot scooped me up and brought me home. Baby’s first root canal!

For our very last Very Famous show, everyone got to put up a sketch they wrote. My favorite had too much production, so I did a black out. It turned out great, and I felt loved. It was a very nice way to go out.

Went to stuff: Two weeks after the Arclight screening, the LA Times invited me to see Pain & Glory with a Q&A, so I finally got to be in a room with my favorite director. I may have cried... slightly more than I did just seeing the film.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Black Cat Licorice & Lavender (2 cones, 1 pint)

NOVEMBER It was time for Penelope’s annual visit to the vet, so I rented a car for the weekend and took her. She had lost quite a bit of weight. I sprung for all the tests, and she has kidney disease. Her numbers aren’t terrible, but there’s not really treatment for it. We switched to a new kind of prescription food. All I can do is be good to her and try to keep her hydrated & happy. So... yeah... September – November have been... uh... not so great. On the bright side, I got invited to be in the Night Cap with Stacy Rumaker show as a character! I love this show so much - and when you read a thing in December, this show is the exception to that. I was so nervous, but I pulled it together and think it went very well. It felt good! Also, I am so emotionally invested in Mr. Robot! Mom & Dad came to visit for Thanksgiving and that was a nice relief. It rained most of the time, but we got out at about a bit.

Went to stuff: Vulture Fest screening of MacGruber with Will Forte & John Solomon.

Salt & Straw Flavor: Spiced Goat Cheese & Pumpkin Pie (with Mom & Dad)

DECEMBER Fell off my bike, bruised my legs, and scraped a chunk of skin off my hand. Finally: I left my mark on this town! I was not in the mood to plan a birthday thing, but rented a car to take Penelope for her health certificate she might need to fly home with me, then went on a showtune-belting drive on my birthday. Not the best drive ever, but it was nice to just drive aimlessly. Margot went with me to dinner at an Italian place in Los Feliz. In other news, Penelope gained some weight. Then I flew home for Christmas. I’ve just been sitting around with Mom & Dad, and it has been great. I had lunch with Justin & traditional margaritas & Tex-Mex with Lindsey. I finally did an entire month of morning pages after 4 years, so I may be done with that. Oh, and I (temporarily) quit comedy.

Went to stuff: Saw CATS (can’t hate on a bad movie with bad source material) & Little Women (I cried so much!)

Salt & Straw Flavor: Apple Brandy & Pecan Pie (with Brian), but I’m in Texas now, so I’m ending the year with some Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla. Do better, Tyler!

So, that’s it. I was not looking forward to this, but it did make me feel a little better since the crap at the end has just felt like it has beaten me down. I’m not a quitter, but a breaker is maybe a good idea for a bit. I don’t have any resolutions for 2020.

If you’re still here, THANK YOU for reading my yearly download. I hope that you are doing well.

You’re great!

I love you!

Have a great 2020!

#year in review #2019

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inyournightmares97 · 6 years

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GOT7 AS: Managers in a Company

Just a few thoughts about what GOT7 would be like if they were managers/Head of Department in a company. Totally inspired by the fact that I’ve been watching the kdrama Chief Kim lately and corporate politics fascinates me.

Mark

Mr. Tuan is the head of the IT Department.

He works with computers and is the acknowledged technological genius of the company. It takes Mark Tuan exactly two minutes to scan a software and he can suddenly use it as though he designed it himself.

At the insistence of the employees from other departments, he regularly conducts tutorials and FAQ sessions to help employees better utilize the office software but nobody ever attends those. Instead, they just summon the IT Department to their desks whenever they can’t figure out something.

It makes Mark furious.

Sometimes there isn’t even any problem with the software. It’s just the female employees who have nothing better to do and want the chance to flirt with the cute guy from IT.

He was even slipped a man’s number once.

Mark finally ended up going to the CEO and making his tutorial sessions mandatory for all employees, So now on the first Tuesday of every month, all the employees have to gather in the auditorium for an hour and listen to Mr. Tuan give a lecture on the latest updates to the office Intranet and explain how to use the software.

He knows it’s a waste of his time since people will keep calling the IT Department for help anyway, but Mark figures the least he can do is waste some of their time in exchange. It gives him a small sense of achievement to look at all their bored and miserable faces.

Mark is a silent genius when it comes to IT, but his managerial skills are... non-existent.

The IT Department essentially does whatever they feel like because Mark has never scolded his employees or even told them to get back to work.

His only strategy is non-interference. He doesn’t care if the employees are playing games during office hours (he often does so himself, with the door to his office locked and his secretary warned to send all visitors away) and even if he catches them in the act he never says a word.

But the employees know better than to completely neglect their work, because if they do, somebody from another department might file a complaint about them and that complaint would get forwarded to Mr. Tuan.

Complaints = Paperwork

There is nothing Mr. Tuan hates more than paperwork. The only time his smiling and handsome face turns dangerous is when somebody comes up to him with paperwork. He would rather install the intranet software into a hundred office computers than file a single report.

Mark doesn’t even remember the names of all the people who work underneath him in the department. So during performance reviews, everyone just gets a good/decent review because who knows how much work is being done by each employee? Certainly not Mark Tuan. He couldn’t care less.

Mr. Tuan has never worked a minute of overtime in his life.

He leaves the office at 5 pm sharp, every single day and he does not come in on weekends under any circumstances. I’m sorry, the company is about to fall to pieces and you need someone to fix the software? Sure, remind me first thing on Monday morning.

Orders pizza and coke for the entire Department whenever it’s somebody’s birthday (his secretary slides him a note to remind him whenever that is the case).

He’s a little absent-minded and clueless at times, but the entire IT department agrees that they pretty much lucked out getting Mark Tuan as a manager. They wouldn’t exchange him for the world.

Jaebum

Mr. Im Jaebum manages the Production Department

Production and manufacturing isn’t easy work. There are deadlines to meet and quality standards to maintain. Production is the lifeblood of the corporation.

The quality of the products is extremely important to the company’s reputation and Im Jaebum does not compromise on anything. Everything has to be done perfectly and he expects his employees to come up with flawless results. He comes up with numbers and his employees have to bring them into existence.

But his expectations come with a responsibility of his own.

Jaebum takes excellent care of his employees. Even though the production goals he sets seem a little high at times, he also makes sure that every single employee, right down to the lowest factory worker is well-taken care of.

The company hasn’t faced a single worker’s strike since Mr. Im took over the Production Department. He can often be found arguing with the Directors and higher-ups to ensure better working conditions and benefits for his employees. A healthy workforce makes for a healthy company. He genuinely believes that his workers need to be happy for the department to function efficiently.

Mr. Im is both feared and respected.

He sometimes goes down the factories himself and conducts surprise inspections, so the warehouses and production facilities are always on high alert. But if the inspection goes well, then he treats all the workers to drinks after working hours end.

Jaebum sometimes gets a little drunk himself and does a really good impression of the CEO which gets everyone cracking up. But if anyone tries to take a video of him doing it, they’re going to be treated to a death glare.

Jaebum also secretly really adores kids, even though he doesn’t have any of his own. So he organizes a ‘bring-your-kids-to-work’ day twice a year. All the employees of his department can bring their kids to work to see what their parents do. Jaebum places a huge jar of candy on his desk and blushes whenever the kids come up to him. He’s too awkward to actually entertain them but he thinks they’re really cute.

He even let a particularly adorable five-year-old girl sit in his large, swirly leather office chair and wheeled her around like a rocket until he noticed the other employees were looking at him weirdly.

Even though Jaebum works them hard and enforces a lot of strict rules, everyone in the Production Department agrees that you can never find a manager more fair or just than Mr. Im Jaebum.

Jackson

Mr. Jackson Wang is head of the PR Department: Public Relations is his natural calling.

Jackson is that guy who constantly has a little Bluetooth mic in his ear; it’s really hard to tell whether he’s addressing you in front of him or he’s just talking to somebody through the Bluetooth. He likes to pace up and down the main office while taking calls in a loud voice. It makes him feel important.

Jackson takes a lot of phone calls. Most of them aren’t even work related, he’s just chatting with people in high positions but he claims that “maintaining contacts” is what he’s getting paid for.

Mr. Wang also uses the company card a lot. He submits receipts for various clubs and restaurants that he took some big politician or journalist to. Jackson can often be found in the Finance Manager, Park Jinyoung’s office towards the end of the month, begging him to clear all sorts of absurd expenses made in the company’s name. They usually have an hour-long meeting in Mr. Park’s office and Jackson ends up paying for the events by himself.

He’s not the best problem-solver. Jackson’s solution to just about any problem is “let’s call for a press conference.”

- “Mr. Wang, it’s actually very important that we keep this information away from the press for the time being-”

- “Yeah, yeah, I get that. But don’t you think we should hold a press conference? I’ll set one up right away!”

Somehow, he’s extremely hurt and surprised whenever he finds out that he’s been kept in the dark about confidential company matters.

Whenever there is a press conference though, Jackson makes it the most flashy and extravagant event possible. He hands out imported care packages to all the journalists and gives them free hampers with company products.

Every minuscule charitable contribution the company makes is on international headlines the next day. Pictures of the CEO visiting orphanages and making donations to starving children in poor countries can be found all over the internet. Jackson put them there.

He has a special team of people dedicated to leaving nice comments about the company on all sorts of internet fora. Sometimes he logs on himself and responds to haters just for the hell of it. He also manages the company’s social media presence; they have an Instagram page, a Twitter page, a Facebook page and exist on pretty much every social media platform ever.

Jackson has an excellent employee incentive scheme. Friday mornings are brainstorming sessions and anybody who comes up with a good idea to boost the company’s image gets a special gift; usually an expensive bottle of wine Jackson scored from a guy he knows, or a little bonus. The Finance Department severely disapproves of this scheme, so the funds come directly from Jackson’s own pocket.

He also likes a comfortable and bright environment. The PR Department’s office spaces are all painted in colorful shades, with beanbags and funny-looking chairs and fluffy rugs. He tried to get a cafe installed but the Finance Department put an end to that nonsense very quickly.

Although Jackson can be a little wild and loud at times, everyone agrees that the PR Department is undoubtedly the most fun department to work in.

Jinyoung

Mr. Park Jinyoung manages the Finance Department.

Before he turned up, the department was a corrupt mess. There were accounting scams everywhere, people at all levels of the corporate structure were siphoning off money whenever they pleased. Jinyoung personally tracked every single one of these people down and found proof that they’d been embezzling company funds.

Let’s just say that a lot of employees got arrested during the first two months of Mr. Park’s appointment. The PR Department was in panic (the only time Jackson Wang was forced to actually work overtime to ensure the entire company wasn’t labelled as corrupt by the media), but it worked out in the long run. Now the company is clean and Mr. Park does not compromise on integrity.

Jinyoung has one golden rule, which is written in bold letters and pasted on his office for everyone to see as they arrive. The sign reads ‘No Wasteful Expenditure’. There is nothing Jinyoung hates more than useless expenditure. Every penny spent must bring in some solid, traceable returns and that is how he runs the finances of the company.

He can regularly be seen arguing with Mr. Wang of the PR Department in his office. “Taking the journalists to a strip club is NOT a business expense! I refuse to sanction your reimbursements! Pay for your own entertainment!”

Jinyoung is also extremely stingy about allocating budgets to the Research and Development team. Kim Yugyeom can often be found in Mr. Park’s office as well, pleading for more funds while Jinyoung ignores him completely. “When is the last time your Department ever designed anything worth selling? All the money we’ve allocated you in the past is a sunk cost. Do you know what that means, Mr. Kim? It means it’s sunk to the bottom of the fucking ocean and we’re never getting that money back!”

Mr. Kim Yugyeom doesn’t ask for money anymore. R&D make do with what they have.

Jinyoung is extremely anal about his office space. The entire Finance Department is stuck with posters like “Reuse and Recycle” and there are reminders to turn off the lights when not in use. Jinyoung also insists that the air-conditioning be switched off for at least two hours every day. Even in summer. Sweating is good for your body.

The prevailing system is tough love. Jinyoung is harsh with employee performance reviews and getting a bonus is not easy if you work for the Finance Department. He’s also a micro-manager, requiring that every small thing be passed through him for approval.

Delegation is not a term well-respected in Mr. Park’s vocabulary. He doesn’t trust people to do things themselves. Sometimes he wanders around the employee’s desks for no reason, hovering over them like a schoolteacher trying to make sure the students aren’t cheating on an exam.

Whenever the auditing season is over, though, Jinyoung makes sure to throw a huge party for the accounting branch and invites the entire Finance Department. Work outings aren’t often but when they do take place, they get wild.

Overall, the employees of the Finance Department work hard and long hours, but they can’t really complain because Mr. Park works just as hard as them and he never sets any standards that he doesn’t follow himself.

Youngjae

Mr. Choi Youngjae is the friendly Human Resources manager.

The HR Department is a very calm and peaceful place. Youngjae has strategically placed potpourri all over the Department office to disseminate calming fragrances and he keeps scented candles in his own office. It’s his way of relieving stress after a long day of dealing with people screaming at him.

“Yes, sir, I understand that you booked the conference room in advance and that the PR Department should not be allowed to play loud music and disturb your meeting. Yes, I’ll have a talk with Mr. Wang about this.”

“It does make sense that an executive of your level should be allowed to travel in business class, but it’s up to the Finance Department to allocate budget and sanction your... yes, I understand. I’ll talk to Mr. Park.”

The HR Department is essentially the anger management center for all the other employees. Many of the managers like to come and walk into Mr. Choi’s office at all times of the day to vent their problems to him. He’s often dealing with noise complaints filed against the PR Department and the Marketing Department.

His only friend in the office is Jaebum, who often comes to talk to him about employee benefits and payroll issues. Youngjae admires how passionate Jaebum is about worker’s rights and he generally backs him when trying to beg the Board to allow for an increase in wages or additional holiday bonuses for the employees. It’s the only time Youngjae’s job feels worthwhile.

Youngjae is also required to hold seminars and training courses on conflict resolution and workplace ethics every quarter. The sessions are largely pointless because they usually just end in Jinyoung making snarky remarks about how all of the other departments waste the company’s money and Jackson’s cellphone goes off every five minutes because he refuses to keep it on silent. Bambam and Yugyeom are usually entirely absent from the seminars completely; they translate seminar day to mean holiday.

Youngjae is extremely grateful to Mark and Jaebum for being the only two people who actually pay attention to his seminars, but they’re never involved in any conflict anyway so it makes no sense.

Youngjae also regularly has to talk to Bambam about taking too many vacations days. Somehow, the man turns up with perfectly valid medical certificates stating that he was ill even though everyone knows he went on a trip to Bangkok with his new girlfriend. Youngjae doesn’t really know how to deal with the problem. He chooses to ignore it.

On slow days, Youngjae brings his dog into work and spends the afternoon playing with Coco.

Overall, he’s an extremely sweet HR manager who secretly hates his job but puts up with it because he doesn’t know what else he would do. Also leaves work at exactly 5 pm sharp and sometimes runs into Mark in the parking lot.

Bambam

Bambam runs the Marketing Department.

The Department is largely a mess. It’s meant to be a hub of creativity, and the office is filled with drawing boards and sticky notes and all sorts of scribbles all over the place.

A clean environment does not get one’s creative juices flowing.

Bambam also has dartboards with pictures of their major competitors set up all over the office. Employees are encouraged to use them often.

The job of marketing is to get products to sell and Bambam firmly believes that there is one foolproof way to do that; glamour.

He makes the company sign endorsement deals with almost every single famous celebrity in town; actresses, sports-persons, singers... Bambam knows them all and they’re all endorsing his products. If his team can’t come up with a good enough marketing strategy then they can just take their pick of all the celebrities Bambam has signed deals with and use one of them to endorse the product.

It’s not easy convincing Jinyoung to part with millions so that he can pay some famous actress to advertise their cosmetics line, but Bambam is better at wearing Jinyoung down than the other managers. Also, sales figures have been skyrocketing ever since Bambam took over so Jinyoung has a soft spot for him. At least he brings in results, unlike the R&D team.

Bambam maintains a very casual work environment with his employees. The moment their workload decreases, he’s usually off visiting some exotic foreign country. It’s surprising how he manages to get work done despite almost never being in his office; but Bambam parties hard and works harder.

He probably would have been fired by now if he hadn’t been bringing in so many sales, and if Youngjae hadn’t been too soft to bring up the matter of him overstepping his allocated vacation days.

All the same, all his employees love him.

Yugyeom

Mr. Kim Yugyeom manages the Research and Development team

The R&D team was one of the biggest spenders in the company until Mr. Park Jinyoung was hired and slashed their budget in half. They’ve been struggling to operate since then, but their productivity hasn’t increased much. They still produce next to nothing.

Yugyeom always encourages his employees to share their wild and insane product ideas. Since the R&D department don’t actually have to show any concrete results, they can often be seen slacking off. Most of their ideas are insane from the start and could never have been implemented anyway.

The only productive research that was taking place through the R&D Department was in the cosmetics line, but Yugyeom had that research shut down after he found out that they were testing the cosmetics on little bunnies and mice. He spent the rest of the day locked up in his office watching PETA videos on the horrors of animal testing and crying himself to sleep.

It took the combined efforts of Youngjae and Bambam to reassure Yugyeom that he wasn’t responsible for the deaths of hundreds of animals and that he should just shift his focus to products which didn’t need to be tested on living things.

The biggest achievement of Mr. Kim’s career was convincing the company to start a line of chocolate milk-based products. It was a line of research that Jinyoung firmly refused to fund but that didn’t matter because Yugyeom and his employees were fully willing to test the product on themselves. They drank nothing but chocolate milk for an entire month before the product was finally approved for sale.

Nobody complained because Yugyeom looked so hopeful.

Bambam was so proud of his friend for having finally developed a successful product that he hired one of the most popular actresses to endorse it and the chocolate milk sold like hotcakes. It’s still one of the most popular milk brands.

On days when they don’t need to work because Youngjae is holding one of his workplace ethics seminars, he and Bambam go to the amusement park or the bowling alley and have the time of their lives.

Most of the employees in the R&D team love Yugyeom because, well, nobody every really does any work there and he doesn’t care either. Who wouldn’t love a manager like that?

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eponymous-rose · 5 years

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Weird question, but you seem really productive despite seeming to have a constantly fluctuating routine, with both your work and your hobbies. Most people think having a solid routine is the only way to increase your productivity but I've pretty much given up on having a routine since my life seems similar to yours--a lot of travel, weird and always changing work hours. Do you have any advice on how you deal with routine and productivity in spite of that?

Oh gosh, this is definitely something I struggle with a LOT, and I’m not sure I’ve found a coping strategy that works for me yet. But the small things that have been helping have been (1) keeping a routine in my planning even if the stuff I do changes dramatically (even if I’m traveling, I have a notebook where, every Sunday, I list all the stuff that has specific dates/times for the following week, I list the stuff where I still have to come up with a date/time, and I list the stuff I’ve gotta do that week for sure), and (2) finding multiple ways to approach the same goals that I can tailor to my level of energy/spare time on any given week (so this week I’m just not in a super exercisey mindset and can’t rely on having the motivation to run every day, but instead I’m making an extra effort not to eat out this week—lower-effort for my current state of mind, but all toward the same goal of feeling a bit healthier overall).

I’m also very cognizant of how little time at work is actually spent working, so I try not to feel guilty if the total number of hours worked is low as long as the work’s getting done. I’m an incredibly routine-oriented person, but it’s been a bit freeing to slowly and steadily teach myself that stuff just has to get finished one way or another, and the easiest way to do that is to just focus on specific goals and let the rest be flexible.

Anyway, yesterday I was thinking of this ask and was like, “You know, I’ll just write up what I do on Monday as an example, and I bet things will go hilariously awry.” And so they did.

So here’s what my weekly planning list looked like last night:

Dated Events:

Call with paper coauthor at 9AM Monday

Call with leadership academy planning committee at 10AM Monday

Call with peer mentoring group at 9AM Tuesday

Sit in on class at 11:30AM Tuesday and Thursday

Seminars Wednesday at 3PM, Thursday at 4PM, and Friday at 3PM

D&D Saturday at 6PM

Undated Events:

Coordinating abstract submission for an upcoming conference (early week)

Setting up Skype calls with a couple friends I haven’t talked to in a while (late week)

Assorted Priorities:

Book hotel for work travel in July

Accept journal article review request and scope out how long that’ll take

Review some materials sent out for my peer mentoring call

Revise my paper and submit the revisions before the Monday deadline

Get my driver’s license renewed (the joys of yearly visa renewal… your license has to be renewed yearly as well)

Put together a schedule for a biweekly Twitter feature highlighting new publications for the account I run for a subcommittee in my field

Respond to an e-mail about a conference in January about some weird deadline that popped up for next week

Come up with conference abstract ideas before the as-yet-unscheduled meeting

Fill out some action items in advance of my 10AM Monday call

And some more specific checklists for four research projects I’m focusing on this week

I purposely try to group conference calls together, because I currently share my office and feel weird doing video calls when she’s stuck in frame five feet away from me while she tries to work. So Monday seems like a good day to work from home, and I can squeeze in Tuesday’s call before heading to the office that morning. I’ll be in the office Tuesday-Friday, which means I’ll be able to attend those seminars and classes with no problem. I have most of my D&D prep done already because we ended early last game, so I can leave that until Saturday. The only thing I might have to shuffle to next week is the driver’s license thing, because it’ll take three hours and I have to account for finding a Lyft there and back. Okay. Aces.

Wake up this morning to find my internet’s out, and I also somehow left the hard drive with all my research on it at work. Hoo boy. But staring over my to-do list, I think I can set today up as a “big picture” day and not have to do any actual coding, so I’m still okay to work from home. I can also phone in to the conference calls instead of using the video call software. All good.

Luckily, the internet comes back right before my first call of the day. Said call is with someone who also happens to be a dean, so she has a tendency to get held up at meetings, so I take that delay to look at the action items for my second call (I mean… if you send me action items at 8PM on a Sunday I am not gonna touch them until Monday morning).

When she did make it online, we chatted about the new paper, and she strongly encouraged me to send it to our other coauthors in case they have suggestions. We’re submitting on Monday, which is way too short-notice to read a 20-page research paper, but they already read the pre-revision version in great detail, so I shot them an e-mail that included a summary of the substantial changes and a note to the effect that if any of them want more time to look at this stuff, I can beg the editor for an extension on their behalf. Minor crisis averted.

Second meeting is very intense and structured. Everyone has to volunteer to organize and lead two webinars in the next three months, so I go ahead and volunteer for the two April ones so I’ll get it out of the way early. Aaand the first webinar is at 1PM this Friday. Okay. I’ll work from home that morning so I can do last-minute prep, then head into the office in time for the 3PM seminar. No biggie. One organizer puts together a draft schedule, and I send a quick e-mail suggesting a different use of one of the ten-minute time slots. One of the other organizers requests another conference call tomorrow instead of e-mails. I tell them I can only do after 4PM, if I leave work early. Eh. We’ll see how that works out.

After the call, I get through a bunch of small tasks in maybe 20 minutes: hotel booked, Twitter posts prepped, review request accepted (not due until May 20, so plenty of time on that), conference deadline e-mail chain started. I spend the rest of the time before noon getting sucked into an article someone sent me about the myths surrounding undergraduate grade inflation and then reading up on the peer mentoring materials for our call tomorrow. A couple other minor e-mails pop up (scheduling the precise date of a conference mixer in January, that kind of thing) and I manage to deal with them right away.

Lunch! Clearly working from home means I should take the opportunity to indulge in some fine cuisine, some leisurely cooking that highlights—

I heat up a microwave meal (chicken couscous) and watch YouTube videos for an hour.

Back in it! I write up some abstract submission ideas and make a valiant attempt at setting up a time to talk about them, but it looks like that might have to wait until next week. We’re still a ways before the deadline, so that’s okay.

Mmmmmmm someone on Twitter mentions a conference in Germany in September and a workshop in Colorado in July that both look like a good fit for my research. I’m in a situation where I have a big chunk of travel funding that’s going to disappear unless it gets spent in the next year. Oh no. But also oh yes.

Just in case, I put together a couple point-form ideas for stuff to propose that I can bring to the people holding the purse strings.

The rest of the afternoon is spent putting together weekly goals for four of my research projects: each one involves a collaboration with a different person, so I’d like to be able to send each of them an e-mail with at least one new thing to share about that project this week. Just in case that doesn’t happen, though, I rank them from most to least important. Worst-case scenario, I don’t have to send any of them this week, but it’ll make next week tougher if I don’t.

It’s only about 3:30 at this point, but honestly, I’m feeling a bit exhausted and overwhelmed (some of the e-mail chains have gone through five or six replies at this point and keeping it all straight is giving me a headache), so I opt to get some groceries and call it a day.

I may have added some stuff, but I got a lot crossed off today! Here’s how that last checklist looks at the end of the day:

Assorted Priorities:

Revise my paper and submit the revisions before the Monday deadline

Project #1: come up with a new exploratory figure and send to Person A.

Project #2: summarize the early results I started last week and send to Person B, along with an ask to see whether he’d be up for me presenting this stuff in Europe in November.

Project #3: improve on figures I showed last month and send to Person C.

Project #4: prepare a rough outline of the next paper to send to Person D.

Not having my work hard drive means I was able to just focus on the stuff that wasn’t specific to research today. In all the chaos of today, I’ve set myself up well for a research-heavy rest of the week where I (hopefully) won’t have to worry about non-research stuff or big changes to the schedule and can just burrow into research, emerging for occasional seminar/webinar breaks. A good Monday, all around.

#eponymous academia tag #karionwriting

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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594

How are you today? I’m doing okay. My classmates in my least favorite class, Newspaper Layout and Design, have been a big pain in my ass and I’ve been carrying the entire class on my back because no one has the initiative to start giving a fuck about the requirements (I’d want to not give a fuck either, but someone has to and I’m probably the most grade-conscious person in that class) – but it’s a Friday and I’m having amazing coffee right now so it balances out. Do you have mean comments that replay in your head and haunt you? Not really. Some days I’ll remember the one hate comment I got on my ask.fm which led me to delete my account altogether, but it doesn’t bother me because I kinda proved that person wrong eventually.

For context, they told me I should stop wishing to be in UP so bad and to actually pass the entrance exam first before I’m allowed to talk about how much the university means to me. Joke’s on them – I passed the UPCAT not long after. Doesn’t mean I’d forgot the demotivating message, though.

^If so, do you know why that is? I always want to please people and thrive on compliments, so I’m bound to remember every single bad thing anyone tells me. What are you currently worried about, if anything? I’m worried about my deadlines for my Layout class. The requirements are a group effort, and so long as my classmates don’t start moving, I can’t really pass my parts anyway because I have to wait on them. UGH Did you go Black Friday shopping this past Black Friday? Pls stop asking me first-world references

^If so, what was the best deal you got? Have you ever been Black Friday shopping? What is your favorite Thanksgiving food? Do you wear a watch every day? No. Wearing them always makes me feel like there is something on my wrist, and that bugs me haha.

Pineapple or pepperoni? I don’t like either. All-cheese pizzas are my favorite. What food makes you feel nauseous? Not to say that it makes me feel like vomiting or dizzy, but I was never really a big fan of blue cheese. I can handle it on my pizza and sometimes its flavor jibes well with the other cheeses, but the taste always sticks out so I’m not particularly obsessed with it. Have you ever seen a spirit? No. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want it traditional, so I’m going with green. It’s gonna have all sorts of decor like baubles, snowflakes, tinsel, leaves, etc. My family has always made an effort to make our trees look super nice and detailed and I wanna pass that on when I have my own place and maybe even kids down the road. Name 3 youtube channels you've been loving lately. HiHo Kids, Mankalor, and Moon Jeongwon’s vlogging channel. Do you have a youtube channel? I do but it’s only so that YouTube can tailor my homepage to what I’m into at the moment, and so that I can like/dislike videos haha. I don’t post my own content. ^If so, does your family approve? ...I don’t think they should have an opinion about me owning a YouTube account. But in any case, they don’t really mind. What do you think about the new "for kids" or "not for kids" rules? Like, parental control? I guess it’s a good thing. Kids have always had very makulit hands and end up seeing stuff they’re not supposed to. Makulit is a Filipino word that defies translation, but I guess the closest thing to it is either mischievous or restless.

Case in point: Back when I was in high school, I was working at one of the library computers when these Grade 1 kids sat at the computer beside me. They were searching images of the movie Frozen and it was all normal for a bit, but they scrolled too far down and eventually they landed at this very questionable manip of Elsa and Anna doing some stuff that kids that age definitely shouldn’t be seeing. ^ Do they affect you? No. I’m neither a kid nor a parent. What is the most disgusting thing you have ever eaten? [slight trigger warning for the vegans!!! Sorry, Filipino cuisine can sometimes be a lot to take for non-Filipinos] I’m super adventurous when it comes to food so I haven’t found anything I’ve tried disgusting. I don’t particularly like the flavor of bopis (pork/beef lungs and heart) and pinapaitan (goat and ox innards meat flavored with bile, tamarind and chillies), but I don’t find them disgusting, and I’d still eat them if that was served at a family party.

What food is so disgusting you could absolutely never eat it? Dog/cat meat. Do you like sushi? Love sushi. What color was the last sweater you wore? Gray. Name 3 material items on your wish list right now. Nintendo Switch, a new pair of shoes (wow I really am a grown-up), and cash. Are you planning on doing Vlogmas (for youtube) this year? No. Zoella’s the only person I know who still does lmao Have you ever done Vlogmas before? No. Have you ever made money off of youtube? Omg no Are you happy that the year is coming to an end? SO HAPPY. 2019 felt like it was three fucking years long. Have you ever bought a designer purse? I haven’t bought any with my own money. Do people tell you that you look sick when you wear a certain color? No? ^If yes, what color? Do you consider yourself creative? Not at all. ....outgoing? Kinda. It depends on the situation. If I’m meant to be doing something I like or hang out with people I know, I can be very outgoing; but if it’s an unfamiliar situation, I tend to be more shy and let other people lead the way. ....free-spirited? I don’t think I’d call myself that. ....shy? Yep, at first. ....socially awkward? It’s a hit or miss. Sometimes I’m great with socializing; other times I just miss the mark. Do you often feel alone? Mostly during the Christmas season. Otherwise it’s an on-off thing for me, but the loneliness is for the most part turned off. What could be the theme song to your life? I never know what to answer in questions like this. My life has had a lot of phases and it’s hard to sum it all up into a single song. List three new songs you've discovered this year that you like a lot. I Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House, the Summer section of Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons (thanks, Portrait of a Lady on Fire), and Joji’s Dancing in the Dark. If you could win a shopping spree in any store, what would it be? Fully Booked. Do you wear jewelry often? Very seldom. List 10 of your favorite girl names. I list them on surveys all the tiiiiiimeeeeeeeee. Uhh Olivia, Mia, Arden, Harper, Juliana/Julia, Isabella, Elizabeth, Charlotte, Lily, Emilia. I’m feeling the name Eloise tonight too, so let’s throw that one in as a runner-up. List 10 of your favorite boy names. Miguel, Joaquin, Javier, Jacob, Mason, Noah, Liam, Seth, Leon, Luis. Andres is also good, so I’m putting that in even though it’s name 11. List 10 girl names (or up to 10) that you don't really care for. That’s so many and possibly offensive :((((( I’ll just go with boomer names like Sally, Linda, Agnes (sorry to my Lola, who’s named Agnes), Karen, Pamela, Susan, Brenda...and maybe more common ones like Angela, Marie, Sam. List up to 10 boy names that you don't really care for. Not a big fan of boy names in general, but ones I don’t particularly like nor dislike are names like John, George, William (lmao just naming all the royals now I see LOL), Benedict, Jeffrey, Donald, Michael, Daniel, Drew, Mark. How old were you when you found out Santa wasn't real? Five. I didn’t find out; I just put the clues together. Do you own a Polaroid camera? Nope. I want one though. ^If so, what color is it? List one past regret. The one dumb thing I did in one of my classes where I forgot to submit something on time, and I had to make do with a late submission, which would already have deductions. Do you own Converse, and if so, what color? i used to; they were red. I stopped wearing them after a bit though so my mom threw them out. We have white Chucks now – my sister brings them with her in her dorm but when she’s home, I’d borrow it sometimes. What color was your senior prom dress? Let’s plz avoid talking about the stuff we purposely want to forget Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Nobody, other than the colorblind folk on Twitter/Tiktok who make wholesome videos separating different colors of Skittles or M&Ms heh. What's one pet peeve of yours? People who DRIVE IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO LANES YO WHAT’S UP WITH Y’ALL Would you ever consider a career in writing? Sure, I’m kinda headed that way anyway. What was the first thing you wanted to be when you grew up? Astronaut. What was your first favorite color? Purple. What is your favorite color now? Pink or black. Do you know a lot of people with the same middle name as you? Yeah, Isabelle is very common. But where I live it’s usually spelled Isabel or Ysabel. Do you like the name Brynn? Not really. It sounds very 2010ish, wherein people would give their kids double-N’s like Kaitlynn, Rylinn, Brooklynn, Ashlynn and I was never a big fan of that trend (except for Finn, Flynn, and Quinn, which I find cute). List five names you hate the spelling of. Literally those 4 names I just mentioned. Oh and in the Philippines, there’s this trend of putting H’s on otherwise normal names, e.g. Jhulia, Mhae, Ghabriella, Mhark...it’s common in the lower classes so I don’t judge, but like it’s just not really not my taste lmao. Do you watch Niki and Gabi on youtube? No. Do you watch Brooklyn and Bailey? No. ....Bethany Mota? No. But I did see her once when YouTube held a FanFest here in Manila and she was part of the lineup. ......Gillian Bower? ....LaurDIY? .....Family Fizz? ....Chronically Jaquie? No to literally all of those. Have you ever purchased a youtuber's merch? No they are always way too expensive lol ^If so, what did you buy?

#survey #surveys

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scrambledthoughtz · 5 years

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what i could do better on

1) i could be spending my time better. i feel like, as of late, i’ve been wasting more and more of the time that makes up each of my days. i get distracted so easily. i come home from school or work, and i spend hours and hours on youtube, watching random shit. four out of my five school days, i don’t get home until 5 pm or a little after, and you’d think that this limited amount of time would spur me into productivity. that’s what i thought too, but usually when i get back, i end up laying on my bed and draining my energy even more by spending hours on youtube or facebook. i feel like i’m significantly less motivated than i was last semester, and i’m not sure if this is a sign of burnout, if i’m depressed (lol probably not?), or if my study habits are just spiraling and i’m becoming more lazy. i have this mindset where it’s okay if i don’t start my work until later bc i don’t need to sleep. as long as i get it done before 11:59. as long as i get it done before the deadline, even if that means finishing it in the morning. yesterday, i had a whole collection of assignments due at 11:59 and i actually waited until 11 pm to start one of them. earlier this week, i submitted my essay at 11:57 and i spent until 11:50 typing up the conclusion. it’s crazy, bc “past” me would have finished my essay early to make time for revisions or proofreading. this time, i didn’t even care; i was typing up my conclusion for the first time 10 minutes before the essay was due. it’s weird to think about this comparison, but in my first semester, i literally went to mission coffee after my class ended, and i took out a sticky note and i wrote down EXACTLY how much time i would spend on each assignment to make sure that i was sufficiently alternating between getting things done. i would carve out an hour to type up my english 101c reflection responses, and then i would take a 15 minute break to go on my phone, and then i would start another subject and then i would alternate and it was so freaking efficient. nowadays, i just trust that i will get it done, even if it means putting minimal effort into my work. as long as it’s submitted.

2) going off of that, i could control my impulses better. what do i mean by that? it’s honestly pretty difficult to put into words. this is something i’ve actually never spoken about, which is weird bc most facets of my life i’ve attempted to put into words and talk about at least once. anyways, what i mean by impulses is that i’ve been more frequently getting the urge to watch videos that make me feel a certain type of way. it’s not quite like porn, but these videos are more intimate and raw, and usually when i’m watching them, they evoke a deep aching within me that spreads like a crackling electricity that numbs me in the best way possible. i usually do this before i go to sleep or right after i wake up bc it’s such a pleasant sensation, but as of late, i’ve been more frequently waking up in the middle of the night (i think it’s bc i usually forget to turn the lights off before i go to sleep, or it’s bc i decided to take a nap instead of studying and the anxiety wakes me up or bc i spend an obscene amount of time staring at a bright screen before i go to sleep). but i’ve started watching these videos when i wake up in the middle of the night too, and it’s honestly something that has been taking up so much of my time. i get these urges and they’re hard to resist, so i lay down on my bed and get into the zone and hours can pass by without me caring. i recognize that this is starting to sound erotic lmfao but it’s the best way that i can put it for now. i’m sure i’ll get better at putting this into words later.

i do wonder though: am i getting these urges bc i’m craving physical touch? this is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. i haven’t really had solid physical touch for a while. the most physical contact i get and receive is an awkward hug or an occasional handshake. i keep telling myself that the last real time was with mom bc she would hug and hold me when i was upset, or she’d gently brush my hair back. honestly, this is probably the main reason i would be okay with having a romantic partner. it’s not bc of pressure from friends or family, but it’s to have that level of physical intimacy.

3) lastly (for now). stop with the self-pity. you need to get yourself together. i got a C on my geography midterm this past week, and the first thing that came to my mind was, “it’s okay, you’re probably going through something bc normally, you wouldn’t get such a bad grade on an exam.” i need to stop thinking like that. when i come home and spend hours on youtube, i tell myself that it might be bc i’m subconsciously going through something. but that might not even be true, and even if it is, it doesn’t make this excusable. i feel bad for myself way too often, and even worse, i expect others to feel the same level of understanding or pity. if only they knew about mom, they would let me off easy. this fact about me has become this type of secret weapon that i’ve told myself that i can wield at any time. but in reality, that doesn’t make it okay for me to fuck around instead of spending time on my classes, and it doesn’t make it okay for me to be getting lower grades on my exams and assignments just bc i procrastinated.

you can’t expect everyone to have sympathy. even if they did know about mom, they might not give a shit. other ppl have gone through worse, but they’re still doing well at school. you’re super privileged, and this one sad fact about you doesn’t change that. at least you get to come home from school every day to food on the table, and you can still ask your dad to pay you back for groceries and gas. you have a job, but you don’t actually need it bc your dad is supporting you with his income. you need to get out of your bubble. you expected your dad to pay for your car accident, and you were shocked when he said, “you were the one who got into the accident, don’t you think you should pay for it?” and he’s right, you know? you can’t be recklessly spending money every time you get stressed. that’s just another part of your self-pity cycle. you tell yourself that it’s okay to spend $2 on a granola bar at the vending machine bc you forgot to pack a snack and you were stressed about the fact that you failed your geography midterm. you expect your dad to pay you back for your purchases, when in reality, you should be taking responsibility and keeping a budget and making sure that you don’t eat out too much with friends or spend too much on coffee every time you can’t focus at home and go out to a coffee shop to study.

you’re being irresponsible, lazy, and your self-pitying is getting out of control. get yourself together.

you know, even as i’m typing this, it’s not hitting me for real. these are just words that are my thoughts, but i’m not actually internalizing them. it’ll probably hit for real when i transfer and move away, but i honestly want to get a grip of these things before then.

#personal

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kokoronopikuseru · 5 years

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Review: Pixelogue

A little late to post this, but I intend to share details and reflect on the editing of Pixelogue, in hope that it will help editors and organizers who need advice. (If you’re not interested in editing info, just skip to the last section)

Details are in Chronological Order -

# Software:

I designed everything from scratch in AE, with all the stock plugins. I had to relearn everything I used to know about AE; I last used it extensively in Pixelophobia years ago and furthermore, I wasn’t really used to the new CC interface. I had to seek tutorials for every simple effect I wanted to execute. It sure was difficult for me. For english speaking editors, this is probably your main tool if you intend to do simple video animations and graphics.

# Planning: Song Choice

I had intended to use a Korean Indie Track as stated in the collab details page. Sadly, the music really didn’t fit the music. I spent about 3 days rearranging the clips in every permutation I knew. I didn't really manage to find an arrangement that suited the clips. The unfortunate reality for editors is that we are usually at the mercy of the submission clips. I finally chose something Tigres’ described as “Shawn Wasabi-like”. It was a major challenge for my editing since I wasn’t exactly used to creating work that is colourful or cheerful rhythm-wise. I had to have major re-planning if I wanted it to work out.

# Editing: Draft

My process for editing clips always starts from arranging the combos. I used Vegas for this since, well, it IS a video editor, and it is pretty fast in processing clips. For learning purposes, here is the link of my very first draft (https://youtu.be/kRDwXTnxXGw). I think it’s necessary to spend a longer time at this stage, so as to visualize how its gonna turn out. And of course, to ensure that this is the flow of the CV you really wanted. By this stage, you should also have planned out the fillers (as denoted by the empty instances in the draft) and roughly how long your intro and outro will be.

# Editing: Intro

I didn’t really want to make something too kawaii. But yet, I can’t really escape the colourful imagery I imagined the intro to be. I compromised and made something that alternates between some modern TV visuals and old school TV visuals.

Modern TV; I was greatly inspired by those colour wipes that vloggers used for their youtube channels. It was one of those common and simple transitions that AE users exploit regularly. I found ways to incorporate it in a radial and a rotating wipe. The font animations were all plugins in AE that I found. I wasn’t gonna edit every alphabet like the previous CVs I made.

Old School TV; I took most of my inspiration from the adjustment knobs on analog TV. I found that it goes well with the subtle static noise in the music track. Hence I employed selection circles, and drew an actual knob (not sure if you guys realised that was what it was supposed to be). I also warp bulge the static background as well as the words, to emulate the concave glass distortion present in analog TVs.

And in the final burst of images, I made the clips alternate between 16:9 and 4:3, just to show the juxtaposition between modern and old school.

I really hope people notice all these small details. I didn't feel it was impactful enough, but I guess these are probably cool facts for those who are interested.

# Editing: Combos

I always render my CV in a 16:9 resolution, simply because it IS more pleasing to the eye now that computer monitors are no longer square. My preferences have yet to change. However, with regards to the clips, I have read enough indirect feedback that the cropping wasn’t something that most people liked. I took this criticism pretty seriously, and thought it was time for me to hop on the bandwagon, to try the new-age style of CV editing.

I had to put in much more effort to retain a 4:3 combo in a 16:9 visual space, with an additional need to create a secondary background layer. But because of this decision, it gives me more freedom to explore options of panning and perspective movements.

I create a blurred and expanded duplicate of every combo as a background. I thought it was great that I could retain the original colours and give the clips a “floaty field”. No one has done something like this before, so it was instantly cool and hip. It also gives more room and potential to play around with the transitions too. Eg, fading the background before the clip (transition from Tigres to popte). Interestingly, all the backgrounds all have different properties, namely position, scale and degree of gaussian blur. The reason was really because some clips were seizure inducing due to their extensive movements. I thought it would be nice to vary all of them, which adds a unique aesthetic touch to all the combos.

I am pretty new to editing in a 3Dimensional Space and camera tracking. I was intending to do something as simple and fluid like Talentica Neue. Well, I learnt it wasn’t as simple as I thought. I had about 5-6 Parameters of camera movements, and frankly till now, don’t really know what each one does. I highly suggest for editors who wanna try 3Dimensional camera tracking, watch more tutorials and try simple practice projects. Learning how to utilize it properly will extensively improve your editing game.

Oh yeah, remember to use the graph editor for EVERYTHING. Acceleration and Decelerations have too much aesthetic value to miss out on.

# Editing: Outro

Because I have spent so much time on all other parts of the CV, it’s only responsible for me to put in some effort on an outro which I am usually way too lazy to make. Yeah guys, it’s important to make outros too guys. I used the same warping and television static effect from the intro to retain a sense of continuity. It's simple and nice, I liked it.

# Combos; (Warning: Difficult to Stomach)

I’m gonna be a little too frank about this- the quality of combos I received were lower than what I usually work with (I love my UPSB submissions tho). I guess this is the huge downside of organizing sign-up CVs to an international community that is slowly dying and regressing. It was even harder when most didn’t submit on time. I had only 7 clips by the deadline. I wanna admit that I had moments regretting that I was organizing Pixelogue as a majority-signup CV. Some of the filtered combos either didn’t fit the style of CV (really sorry padrace) or was just bad due to the lack of effort. Mostly bad.

But here’s the heart of the matter, this might really reflect the standard of the international community.

I’m not sure if I am the only one who feels this way, but I feel that most of the current international CVs can be separated into two groups, the JEB invites, and the rest of us. Don’t get me wrong, I do acknowledge the high standards JEB spinners deliver. But I’m not comfortable with the fact that they don’t submit better materials since their combos are guaranteed to be featured, and mainly because the quality of an international CV is often a 50/50 hit or miss (could be lower). Who can blame them really. Even so, their names are usually enough to make the lineup look great.

> Pixelation was an all JEB sign up CVs. Pixelarium, Pixelophobia, Pixelography, Pixeholic were invites-only CVs, a mix of international and JEB guys. <

Most of my CVs have a JEB last spinner or a JEB dominant lineup towards the end. (coffeelucky 6th is also guilty of this). Clearly, you can see how much we use japanese invites as a way to boost the “quality” and hype of our projects. Yeah, sucks to admit it, but I am sure these are common sentiments shared with many of us international CV editors for a pretty long time.

Well, its not something I’m really contented with. In fact, I don’t like the way this becomes the norm.

More recently, around the time I released “Express 12.1.18”, I really wanted to believe in us - the international community veterans, the borderline pen spinning retirees, that we can perform. I didn’t wanna believe that the international community was any inferior. I finally felt ready to edit something solely from our pool of people. I can accept that I don’t have to rely on japanese invitations to superficially enhance the CV. We have enough to make something great ourselves.

I fondly assert that the international community does NEED this kind of confidence. Otherwise, we will always be second rated. Seen as the lesser beings. Y’all JapEn tiering meme-lords know what I’m talking about. I personally needed this to prove to myself that it will work out for us even when the scene looks pretty shitty now. And yes, I did feel better after this.

# Conclusion

It didn’t really garner much attention especially when there was a flood of CVs being released around the time it was released. But I do love it a lot. It’s made up of familiar spinners that I cherish, good combos that I’m thankful for, and finally, an editing that drained my whole summer holiday away. Yeah, I do love it a lot. Definitely one of my proudest work.

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divinefishingtips · 2 years

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TGIWednesday: Keep the change

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I always tell folks, the only guarantees I can give you are death, taxes and change! So if you don’t like change, buckle up because everything from our blood sugar, blood pressure, sun, moon, stars and the tides are in a constant flux of movement and change. Like a lava lamp I am envisioning us moving and breathing into all of it and adapting out outlooks and positionality to what is happening now. We need to do our level best to put the past in the past and avoid it haunting us like the plague! Learn from it, remember the happy times, then release it like a balloon! Being in this flow and create more of the good mana from heaven that you are so deeply craving on a primal level and yes even your flow of abundance will flourish. And so it is. Speaking of mo money! It’s not too late to join us TONIGHT on our monthly Zoom event (always the last Wednesday of the month) Grab that Irish pot of Gold with us. Stick your hand deep into it and see how much change can occur when we all commune together to spread the love of affluence and the very vibration, energy and frequency of MONEY! Don’t miss this one, but if you do, know that even the replay will be just as powerful!!!

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365dailyaffirmations · 2 years

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TGIWednesday: Keep the change

TGIWednesday News

TGIWednesday Download

~ EMBRACING CHANGE ~

Wishing you the rest of your life will be the best of your life and reminding you to make a little progress each and every day!

TONIGHT! Monthly Zoom

After registration - Email your 3 brief one-liners: to: [email protected]

Pre-Register Here - $22

FREE Live Appearances

YOU WEALTH REVOLUTION Season 23 ‘Energy of Miracles™

Here's a fun video with the background story of Prince's legendary Super Bowl performance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NN3gsSf-Ys

Watch and listen to hundreds of Radio Show replays for FREE here in the archives from the Jimmy Mack Healing Radio show: https://thejimmymackhealingshow.com/

Fish Food

The Daily Bread To Feed The Fish

From the Fish Box

"Hi Jimmy,

Receive 24/7 Prayers from Jimmy

The 30-day service is now being offered exclusively and you also have the option of selecting an ongoing subscription ($95/month) which is managed through PayPal only.

You can add yourself and those living in your immediate household and yes you can include pets! Merely include everyone’s names and Jimmy will add them to his daily prayers.

Browse all MySwitchWorks replays

**Can't See The Full Email? Click Here to View Online**

Go deep sea "fishing" with Jimmy!

Level 1 is open to ANYONE at anytime! Click here to watch the Mastery video playlist

Learn About Certification Here

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