#but at the same time I really don't
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Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important
In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway
If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️
50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️
100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️
200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️
500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it. ✅️
1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️
5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️
10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden) ✅️
20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it
April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT
May 2024: Red hair, red hair, red hair. I'M CROWLEY, RED HAIR!!!!!
#Just my random stuff tag because I don't want to do any of this stuff#but i do want to do this stuff#fuck i really hate wanting to do things and at the same time wanting to simply... stop#fuck#jay and... jay what are you doing?
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Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.
(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU#I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track)#The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more.#I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by#and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles!#Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise!#I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space.#It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is#You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together:#I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper.#I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything.#You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there.#Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite.#day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less:#'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all)#This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly.#(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)
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hi I don't think this duo gets enough love, so here are my fave screenshots of Raph and Leo mirroring each other! :D
+bonus:
look at this frame! don't their poses look similar, even though they're in totally different places?? well, there's a simple reason for it! we can see raph in the driver seat, his left hand on the wheel, while the other one's searching for someting, it's symbolising his active role as leader, while leo stands alongside him, his left hand on a handhold while he gestures with the other, showing him being less active and more of a passive presence, but he's ready on his feet, it's symbolising his potential as raph's co-leader but also him not yet being ready, still gripping the safety rails instead of the driving wheel-
(nah i'm kidding- like, was it just artists drawing similar poses in one scene? oh yeah most definitively! will that stop me from over-analysing? nope! :D this basically wrote itself!)
#there're so many examples of them mirroring each other and im sure i don't have em all!!#don't you think it's interesting every time leo and raph team up they end up in similar poses/expressions A LOT?? because i do!!#writers and animators really said they're co-leaders from the start 🤧#i mean theres probably a lot of duos trios etc where theyre in the same/similar position but. well. im biased.#also can we talk how they are the only ones to canonically mind-meld?? can we please do that??? ITS REALLY IMPORTANT#brothers of all time ;;;;;;;;#raph is leo's favorite i will die on this hill btw!#rottmnt#rise leo#rise raph#magnet duo#long post
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator.
Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize.
It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate.
I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual."
No, you didn't.
There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.
#thotty speaks#thotty rants#I was thinking about that Christine chan post and its like yeah yall really don't know how bad it got for her before she did what she did#It reminded me of that thing on tiktok where people take 'cringy' cosplayers videos (most of whom are literal children) and put racist or#bigoted text over it then reupload it to call them out then the og creator gets a flood of harassment mostly from people who hated them for#the crime of being weird on the internet but now they can use 'oh but they're a bigot!' as an excuse to tear them down until they come out#and say 'hey i didn't say this someone stole my shit' and nobody takes their vids down nor apologizes because they didn't fuck with them#anyway so wash rinse repeat#idk I just wish that people had the same smoke for people they actually like#mostly cause I'm tired of being accused of 'switching up' every time I cut people off or stop fuckin with an artist#like this is what we should be doing!!!! ACG ANYBODY CAN GET IT!#It should be smoke for ANYONE who does harm every your fave people!#otherwise you create this world where taking people to task for the harm they've done is less about the harm#and more about justifying our own actions#anyway keep that same energy across the board that's all I'm saying#cause if it comes out tomorrow that somebody close to me did some fucked up shit I'm out of there period#aint no talkin bout shit and that's on me growing up as a child told that certain grown folks can't be alone with me#but they allowed in my house...#Idk about yall but i'm ending that generational curse with me
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#selfie bee#me telling a coworker who I have been working with for 4 months and whose name I do not know about my toenails#i'm sorry Tobias (?? Paul ??) it was the only topic I could come up with after I already told you about the big bird I saw in 8th grade#FRIENDS how are you!! :) how has the new year been so far!!#did you have a lot of snow on christmas!#we did and it was really fun! I had a very bad cold so I just watched the snow from inside but that was good too c:#do you have any plans for the new year?#i always have lot and most of the time I do not do any of them but planning is fun#this year I REALLY want to watch all of Star Trek ヽ(´∇｀)ﾉ#I would also love to learn how to make a handstand#imagine if you could just make yourself upside down#but it is a far away dream because honestly I am not very good at being usual side up most of the time either#but I will try probably at least 2 times to learn it ( ᐛ )#maybe I'll finally finish that website!#new years are good and fun#it's wild to think about how much daily life has changed since last year but I feel just the same :)#who knows what this year will bring!#I hope I don't hit a pheasant with my car#I almost hit a pheasant with my car last year and the pheasant made direct eye contact#I wonder how he is doing today#since that moment I think about pheasants a lot#I knew they were real but I had never seen one#just to know they are out there is a mystical feeling#right know it is raining so all the pheasants might be wet#get dry soon pheasants!!#I don't think I've ever seen a wet bird either#I don't know what do do with all these birds thoughts#also thank you for the person who asked about my skirt!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅#I've finished it and its really really bad#but I love it
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Happy non chocolate cake day.
.
#aaaaaa#gosh#sorry I keep saying this but every time you draw Machete I'm just in awe of how nicely you depict him#he always looks so pretty in your style#the eyes in particular#the glossy lids#and the overall sharpness of his shapes#it's okay they can have chocolate cake if they want#they don't have the same dietary restrictions real dogs do#it would just needlessly complicate things#thank you!#gift art#kuroikamome#own characters#Machete#really liking the combination of the sepia color palette and the ornate frame as well#it reminds me of antique cabinet card photos
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hmmm probs won't go with this style but we'll see
#but was still nice to have it out of my brain? will post more about this in a couple months or something haha#sketchbook stuff#artists on tumblr#working on some tHINGS#insert eyes emoji#would love to do the sketchy loose lines though#bless you clip studio paint for having really nice inking brushes#also in a rare event the family dog is sleeping on my bed :'D#long time no art post mdfkhdfhg don't mind me doing 5 different things at the same time#oH I did recently finish a rug hook commission which was really cool#will hopefully post that very soon
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to all people who said PART 1 made them laugh - i lov u 💗 this is for u
#look...i know it's been a month but hear me out-#guys don't yell he's really trying okay!!#NOT a mean ww truther bc he really isn't mean like at all#not in an intentional way#he's just stressed and embarrassed and tipsy here give him a break#he's swagless & thinks it's yet another reason he's unlovable (untrue)#dont worry woowoo vash also severely lacks in the swag department#but funny doodles aside i have other more serious art of them already posted + in the works#their understanding of each other ends up being so deep#but at the same time they manage to be so utterly stupid about it#how do they manage? i don't know#they just make me want to tear my hair out#you're important to each other!!!! get!! that!!! thru!! ur! HEADS!!!!#neither of them think they deserve what they want/need#i'm inconsolable actually nobody talk to me (talk to me please)#see using words isn't so hard. stupid fictional men#(she thought she did something with those tags)#times are hard but i stay silly#by that i mean i re-read vol 10#on the daily.#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d. wolfwood#nicholas d wolfwood#trimax#trigun#tzarrz
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For those who don't have Twilight Princess but would like to know:
The move Twilight performed while fighting Dink is called the helm splitter. It's one of the Hidden Skills that the Hero's Shade, aka Time (but as a skeleton oof) taught him
This move is often an instant kill. It is harder against Lizalfos, so the goal is to quickly turn around and deliver a slash. He lands with his back to the enemy- which made Dink grab him from behind (and bit Twi's arm ouch). But it's one of the most powerful moves Shade taught him- he practically ripped out Dink's shoulder.
One of the art screenshots is not Lu, but art Jojo did of shade teaching him to do it. (Can confirm it was terrifying- bro stopped the blade an inch from Twi's head- after telling him it's called the helm splitter)
#love that Twi's using the skills Time taught him#also doing this move in game feels really badass tbh#run away dink#linked universe#linkeduniverse#lu#lu twilight#hero's shade#Lu time#lu dink#twilight princess#I know that many have already pointed this out and or already know#I wanted to include videos and stuff but never want to imply I know things that others don't#and if you have the links (heh. pun) to posts where others pointed out similar or the same stuff I want to see them!!! because!!#literally everyone's thoughts are so cool and valuable? I love you guys never stop creating#and if I ever say or imply anything offensive let me know because I want to learn always#:)
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it is funny though how kids' shows are so so so careful about death, no one's ever killed except MAYYYYBE the big bad, all those random side characters are fine, here have a quick shot of them before we leave just so you know they really did survive that 50-foot drop into a stormy sea,
and meanwhile kids' books nearly all agree that it's not an adventure until it has a body count.
#to be clear I don't mean the heroes killing people#that's frankly a separate question#but bad guys come with collateral damage#even if they're nameless extras who are never described as more than a body in the street#and quite often the friends the hero meets along the way#will not all make it to the end#edit: actually I do also mean the heroes killing people#atla being so so so careful to show random mooks surviving and having the fire nation take prisoners all the time#vs animorphs going 'yeah we kill people. yeah we've got ptsd. what of it'#vs that one vivian vande velde book I read where the protagonist is really really stressed#about creeping up on a mook with a rock to bash him on the head#bc *what if she kills him?* she's just a teenager she doesn't know how brain trauma works she doesn't want to be a killer#to be clear animorphs and this book are on the same page
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All of the quest menu descriptions for Aventurine's quest "All the Sad Tales".
(... And the one from "A Walk Among the Tombstones.)
#hsr spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#penacony spoilers#i really don't look at quest menu text often#but i'm glad i did this time around#i think that's all of them but i could have missed one or two#the text for the next step sometimes changes while keeping the same description so i only captured it once each time#this is was really funky but also goddamn aventurine just had a horrible time the whole patch#delightful for me personally#who loves it when characters suffer#mihoyo pulled 0 punches#i hope i used enough spoiler tags cause that's big fat spoilers right here but it's one of the things i liked the most about the new quest#i love it when games have fun with their medium#ray's records
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You know I am surprise Sebek that is never jealous to anyone who is close to Yuu. It is a boys school and I can imagine some have crushes on her.
#jk jk it's a total tragedy for sebek if he ever loves the same person as the one malleus loves#i swear malleus just loves the company#or is he#he did give me a little heart throb at the masquerade but that's all just yet#i can't really imagine anyone else likes her#malleus draconia#because partly i really don't plan of shipping her in the first place#sebek was a total surprise development fhsdshdh#this question arose at the time she was being shoved to jack#i can see that jack is totally someone to be jealous at ha ha; he is a total hunk#but i feel like sebek see him as a solid trustable friend than a snatcher who would disrespect him#i did think of a scenario from how sebek is jealous of malleus drinking coffee with silver that goes like...#yuu talking to silver; sebek be like “WHAT WHY ARE U TALKING TO SILVER MORE”#and yuu be like “bcs silver whispers when he talks”#and stubborn as he is sebek be like “I CAN TALK IN WHISPER TOO”#and he sat there and tried so hard to whisper which pretty much end up as at the very least normal talking voice#and Sebek just “GRRR NGRHRHHRH!!!!!! YOU'LL SEE I'LL WHISPER PROPERLY ONE DAY!!!! AND U'LL HANG OOUT WITH ME MORE”#fjsdsdj#but i don't even know what would yuu talk with silver#i didn't even realize before that silver is actually in 2nd class#they look so same age#yuu be like - . - to everyone anyhow#she just keeps the guy act while brushing off the thought whether the others already know she is a girl or not#sebek zigvolt#twst yuu#twst mc#twisted wonderland#twst#fanart
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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen
the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"
#my food crime is that i regularly make a “pasta and tuna” situation that has somehow gotten even more evil and degenerate over time.#it is a ''white wine reduction'' (it's just white wine and garlic powder & seasoning)#and tuna from a can.#and plain pasta.#if i have the spoons i will actually chop garlic for it but this tends to be my comfort food for a REALLY bad day#bc its super easy to make:#boil pasta. drain. put into bowl for later. into same pot u used for pasta.#put tuna (with oil/water from can). let fry a little for like 2-3 min. put in whatever amount of wine. season to taste.#the tuna will get a little crisp on it which is nice. important side note:#this began as a Bolognese sauce.#and one day i had to sub for tuna. i know. not ideal. i cried about it too.#somehow over time it is now its own little evil thing. i would never make someone else eat it. it is beautiful.#but yeah i don't even stir the pasta in afterwards i just slap pasta into serving bowl#slap this ''''''sauce'''''''' on top#molto bene#(i really can cook fairly well btw. this is a food crime. not a suggestion of skill or ability)#(i LOVE baking but when i cook for myself. the autism is obvious. bc i just don't understand the point of most of the steps)#(.... i can just eat the deli meat out of the bag. it is protein. i don't even have to like it. i just have to eat enough calories.)#(also i used to cook MUCH more before this apartment which is so small that i can stretch my arms out and overreach the counter length.)#(.... i'm 5.2. so.)
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I'll take awhile before I can make this into a full proper post with explanation (and sketch illustration) of each segment, as well as the bird view from the market, entrance and a better view of the smithing corner buuuut have this for now~!
#hollow knight#fanxtended : colosseum of fools#fanxtended project#my art#like damn I really wanna work on this but in the same time#I wanna draw other stuff too#but no time#eventually I'll get to it *clinging to this so tightly I don't let go*#you would think the entrance might not be that important#but that's where most sponsors and betters hang out#as well as the prep zone#you want to find yourself a nice noble sponsor you wanna hang out there for a bit#as long as you made yourself known in the fights#also the gambling is all sorted there
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(cw; nsfw)
so we all love to read and write about aziraphale and crowley's first time as either a marathon sex experience or a really slow and sensual and drawn out encounter. this is great fun but let's face it, they'd both just cum within about 30 seconds of touching each other intimately for the first time
it'd be half i'm unbelievably turned on right now because it's not possible to be more horny for someone than i am for you and half heaven/hell i love you so so mu- oh shit
#i don't care that they can manifest superdicks or superpussies or superboth#cumming like straight-a-fucking-way is more emotionally charged and funny and real#and so human#which is what they are really#as inhuman as they may be at the same time#good omens#sexy stuff#hcs#ineffabildaddy
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