crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

"ok but are you diagnosed" what are you a cop.

https://x.com/d3kutism/status/1741579841764475157?s=46

it should be illegal to be this fucking stupid so loudly and confidently omg..

mfs on the internet preach about "media literacy" yet they completely gloss over the fact that the only damn things that kusuo "canonically" is are a tsundere, an unreliable narrator, and a fucking liar LMFAOOO.. babe thats like basic reading comprehension, im sorry..

EDIT: it should go without saying not to send a person hate just because of a silly post like this one(+i dont have any reach anyway so im sure it wouldnt happen, but i wanna say this nonetheless lol) but i would just like to say that i just checked and realized that this person is 15 years old, so like... yeah, too young to be arguing with grown people on the internet. dont take this too serious or send this person hate pls lol..

lets hear it for the femmes who have strong boundaries re: eating ppl out but will gag themselves on all forms of cock without a second thought 🥰

this post is about lesbian sex

i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three

Autism Food Opinion Report:

Pls give me your Opinions(tm) in the tags.

Alicia has so many autistic traits

like,,,omygoddd its insane. and I'm kinda mad no one has brought it up?? even tho a few ppl have hc'd Rudy as autistic too (which i 100% agree with but) I'm starting to realize how much sexism plays a part in Alicia not being hc'd that)

like,,, she keeps to herself so much more from other agents, there are instances where she doesn't understand blatant social cues, along with sounding rude when she doesn't mean to, along with her not being able to express emotions in a way she sees as normal, as well as empathy issues.

like there are scenes where she would just blatantly ignore a huge worry or traumatic event or something like in the movie or in s3 that just point to her having a sort of lack of empathy, which is a pretty common autistic trait (not like that for all autistic ppl tho)

Saying Chiakis a mary-sue is like saying Ibukis straight like its just factually incorrect. did you even play the game lmao

i’m not gonna actually reblog it bc i don’t feel like getting dogpiled but this is the most allistic take i’ve seen in a hot fucking minute like first of all since when are the two options “mind numbing small talk” and “traumadumping your deepest darkest secrets” like there’s a middle ground… there is talking in a meaningful and connected non-small talk way that also isn’t therapy session-level sharing😭 and secondly i cannot fathom on any level how it would be enjoyable to engage in small talk with anyone. like im not “speedrunning” anything i am just having a conversation as a human being and as a human being i do not want to engage in some pre-constructed social ritual that i can barely navigate half the time, that drains me energetically and affords me no sense of connectedness (and usually feels like it alienates me even more). if having a human conversation with someone makes you uncomfortable that’s not my fucking problem. if you don’t understand how one might feel glimpses of connectedness from a conversation with a stranger that is also not my problem— obviously i’m not looking for emotional intimacy with the cashier at the grocery store or whatever but that doesn’t mean that there’s no human connection when we chat for a couple minutes about some life experience or something. connectedness isn’t a sigmoidal response you can find human connection in people you meet once in your whole life and in people that you see once in a while and in people that you’ll never actually be that close to. anyways i think what primarily pissed me off was the all or nothing framing of the issue because it’s a dire misrepresentation of the experiences of at least some of the people op is referring to, and also the phrasing of the post makes it evident that op is painfully allistic and probably unkind to the autistic people in her life.

idk like of course the post feels directed more towards people who are vocal about hating small talk and use it as a way to exit a conversation they don’t want to have but i honestly don’t see a problem with that beyond it being a bit of a social blunder— but i have no problem with people committing social blunders like that because i think that unspoken social rules are confusing and frustratingly difficult to follow 100% of the time. i view small talk as the thing i have to get through to have a normal conversation but there are definitely times when i don’t have the mental energy to deal with it. besides, people in the notes are saying the most vile shit where they’re obviously taking “i don’t like small talk mfs” as code for autistics

like fundamentally i actually agree with op that you can’t just jump right into a breakdown of every trauma you’ve ever endured and that it’s important to be able to engage in a conversation about something other than yourself (and that it’s pretty irritating to ask someone how their day was and have them reply “oh i don’t do small talk”) but i just think the way the argument is presented is really hostile to autistics and misrepresentative of a lot of people who struggle with allistic social rituals

i think this is also an important point to make: when i say small talk i mean “weather’s nice today” type stuff, not like surface level get-to-know-you type conversation or chatting about interests, and i think people tend to have a muddled definition of small talk where anything that isn’t trauma dumping is small talk. i won’t start talking about hyperpolarization/all or nothing thinking in society’s collective perception of the world but know im thinking about it <3

send help my coworkers have started to notice my strange verbal mannerisms and asked where they come from how do i tell them im Just Like This. most recently called out was 'thank you kindly' which is among the more normal of my fun linguistic bits i think

autistic! bruce wayne & silver st. cloud — detective comics #470

[ID: Bruce Wayne talking to a beautiful woman that's attending his yacht party. He's wearing a black suit with wide-notched lapels and a pink button up shirt underneath it with a matching cravat. She's wearing a coral green dress that clings to her figure, pearl earrings, and has shoulder length silver hair. She greets him, "Ah! The mysterious Mr. Wayne! I don't believe we've met! I'm Silver St. Cloud!" Bruce smirks slightly, obviously enthralled by her as he chimes back, "I'll bet you are!" He smoothly asks, "Have you lost someone?" as she gazes out at the bustling room. She tells him, "My date? Davy's down hustling pool with the mayor's speechwriter! You have most of Gotham's government on board! I hope you're not an enemy spy – or running for office!"

Bruce laughs at the joke as he leans over the yacht's railing. He looks out at the water as he tells her, "I'm afraid not! But Gotham's been good to me! I just wanted to say thanks, in my own way!" Silver, who probably knows of Bruce's orphaned past and is actually familiar with Gotham, looks at him intrigued as Bruce straightens back into standing. She tells him, "You're a strange man – not like what I'd imagined!" Bruce winks and does a little finger gun in her direction as he says, "I wish I could fascinate you further, then, but I have to make the rounds! Maybe I'll see you later, if Davy's still busy!" She giggles, "I'd like that!"

Bruce slips away through the crowd and quickly changes into his Batman costume and snorkeling gear! He thinks to himself, "I'm sorry to leave you, Silver! Bruce Wayne was really interested!" But alas! He has the evening planned to the last detail in order to stop a villain commit nuclear fallout within a hour. He succeeds, receiving only minor radiation burns in the process, and returns to the party just in time for him to be present while dinner is being served!

Silver notices his presence and strolls up to him to greet him again, saying she's been looking for him. Bruce excuses, "I'm not that hard to find, Silver! Your luck must be bad!" Before he reassures her, "Actually, I've been looking for you, too!" Miraculously, she's charmed by him and wraps her arms around his neck. Her hands go to his hair and he places one of his hands on her upper back as the other stays in his pant's pocket. She purrs, "So we're just ships that pass in the night–?" Bruce enthusiastically tells her, "Lady, I could make a pass at you any night!" Before he pulls away and starts walking. He tells her without looking, "Come on! Let's get some food and talk it over!" Silver looks at her hand perplexed, pondering to herself that it's odd that his hair is damp and how she wonders why... END ID]

OCD is pretty common among autistic people, and many of us who dont have full-on OCD may experience some things that can be kinda similar to some aspects of it. I'm on the spectrum myself and i also have this issue of basically getting stuck on some thoughts. It sucks, sometimes it's something that makes me angry but doesnt actually matter that much in the grand acheme of things and i just end up in a bad mood over something stupid and cant stop thinking abt it for a few days even though there are no new thoughts about it, i just keep going through old ones again and again and again. I dont know if there's a term for it, but hey, at least I'm not the only one, and neither are you. Generally i just look for distractions and wait until the thoughts get less obsessive and annoying

That makes sense, thanks!

i think a big problem with cw shows is how stilted and unnatural (lol) shit feels. was watching a few s14 episodes and this is like a prime example of exactly what im talking about

sam walks into jacks room and jack is sitting alone upright against his headboard looking at the wall. even if ur stuck in ur thoughts like jack is in this scene, why be in such an unnatural pose on a bed. thats not comfortable. jack also was sparring in these clothes in the last scene he was in, supposedly really stuggling and extering himself yet his clothes have no sweat on them and look newly washed and ironed. hes wearing shoes on the bed. pure virginal white shoes that look like theyve never been worn before, let alone worn during exercise like they supposedly are. there is no element of this that feels lived in. it doesnt feel real. this happens a LOT in mid to late seasons of supernatural and i think a lot of cw shows from the same era also struggle with this.

I love ur blog and I’d be sad if u left. But if you need to ofc but just wanted to say that I appreciate you in the space !

thanks, its just making me really miserable right now to want to post all of my ideas even ones that i know would be a little controversial or whatever thinking this is a safe space where i could do so but it turns out its fuckin not it sucks

Little nitpick on the dream nd Nicholas cantu video

When nick said "im like this cuz i got autism, adhd yknow nuerodivergent" nd then dream said "i have adhd too" BRO

Having adhd nd having adhd AND autism r too wildly different experiences

Nd the fucking tone he had like "i have adhd nd i dont act like you so you have no right to say wut ur saying" GRRRRR

i hste how i overlook stuff that bothers me when im dating someone i mean i eventually do something abt it aka break up w them but idk🙄i mean im proud of myself for seeing the red flags when we had our first conflict and removing mgself from the situation after i saw he wasnt trying to meet me in the middle at all and wasnt the type of person i wanted in my life but

ig i try to assume the best out of someone or just justify their behavior but then i look back on it nd im like i def shld have been meaner or more direct lol.....