YOU FOOLS HES NOT A TWINK HES A HOPELESSLY IN LOVE BIMBO!

Hi…I came running as soon as the request opened. I just had my bday and would love a…Sylvain modern day nsfw / SFW fic about celebrating his s/o bday pls? Thanks a bunch.

Yes indeed! Sorry my requests are so backed up that it took me a while to get to this lol but I hope you had a lovely birthday!

Sylvain (FE3H) x AFAB Reader (no pronouns)

Birthday fluff & smut - Modern AU

NSFW 18+

"Hand over your controller, you're banned from the next round," Felix scowls with an intensity hardly suited to a game of Smash Bros, but Sylvain merely grins as he rolls his eyes.

"It's not my fault you can't time your shield properly," Sylvain says as he tosses his controller towards Mercedes, who fumbles it a bit on contact, "But fine, if you guys can't handle my masterful strategies, then go play in the kiddie pool with each other for a bit."

You give your boyfriend a skeptical grin as he wraps an arm around your waist beside you, seemingly oblivious to the stream of critical comments regarding his "masterful strategies." The general consensus is that they were cheap and repetitive at best, but Ingrid does remind everyone that they should have expected Sylvain to go to such lengths to win in front of you.

Annette leans back over the arm of the couch to look up at the two of you,

"Hey Sylvain, since you've been dishonorably discharged, mind grabbing us some refills?"

"'Dishonorably discharged,' c'mon-" he scoffs, looking to you for backup, but before you can chime in, Ingrid adds,

"Formally exiled?"

Followed by,

"Kindly instructed to piss off," from a still very irritated Felix. Sylvain throws his hands up and sighs,

"Fine, fine, another round of drinks from your humble servant," he nudges you on his way to the stairs, "Mind giving me a hand? We're looking at eight or nine drinks."

"And be an accomplice to a known criminal?" You reply with a smirk, though you do follow to help nonetheless.

You can't remember the last time you felt so naturally warm and giddy. Sylvain can be a terrible tease, and sometimes more flippant than you'd like- but there's no doubt in your mind that he cherishes you, especially given all he'd arranged for your birthday. By some miracle, he'd managed to get all of your mutual friends to schedule time that weekend to spend at a rented cabin ("cabin" only in the loosest sense of the word- it's more of a rustic mansion), sharing drinks and food, games and movies, and enough dumb jokes that your face is already sore from laughter. You hadn't expected him to go to such lengths for your birthday, and if you did dare to imagine how he would choose to celebrate, you'd assumed it would be something more traditionally romantic. But frankly, that he'd instead chosen to surround you with your friends showed that he understood you better than perhaps you'd even considered.

Not to say you haven't been quite pleased with the moments of alone time that the two of you have stolen among the celebrations. And judging by the sideways glance he sends your direction as you follow him up the stairs from the basement, he has something similar in mind for you right now.

As you reach the kitchenette area, you mumble to yourself,

"Okay, it was Pilsner for Ingrid and Dimitri, gin and tonic for Dedue-"

"C'mere, you," Sylvain says in a low and devious tone as he tugs you to him by the waist. He cuts off your coy laughter with his lips on yours. Strong hands run up your sides as he pushes you against the nearest wall, and the sound of your friends downstairs immediately fades from your mind. With a soft moan, you part your lips for his tongue, as skillful as ever as it runs against yours, sensually exploring your mouth. Then, you feel his hand grab at your ass, shamelessly enjoying the feeling of your flesh filling out his palm and then some. He gives a low groan, and his kisses begin to trail away from your lips and along your jawline. Already panting despite yourself, you cling to the front of his t-shirt and manage to say,

"Sylvain-! The... the others will notice- we don't have time..."

"No time to spoil the guest of honor on their own birthday?" he whispers against your ear, "Just try me. You won't last more than five minutes."

His fingers play coyly at the hem of your shorts, but his lips part from you as he awaits your go-ahead. You give a slanted smile and say,

"You win one round of Smash and get all cocky. Fine, just try it- but if it takes too long, we have to go b-"

Before you can finish, he's lifted you into his arms, only to set you down, sitting on the nearest countertop. Sylvain catches you in one more deep, impassioned kiss, pulling yet another gasping moan from you. Your thighs grip around his hips, but he suddenly breaks from you, leaving your very-kissed lips slightly parted. Then, he tugs your shorts and panties down your legs at once, and lowers onto his knees.

"Sylvain!" you gasp out, though you do lean back and angle yourself for him as his head dips between your parted thighs. Your boyfriend wastes no time- in an instant, the heat of his mouth is on your clit and the surrounding sensitive flesh. Throwing your head back, you moan aloud, glad that the TV downstairs is so loud and your friends are shouting and jeering their way through their next match. Without a thought, your fingers tangle through his fiery hair, urging him on as his tongue pulses eagerly against your stiffened clit. Sylvain's hands grip your thighs as he presses himself against you, servicing you near obsessively. It seems he meant to make good on that "no more than five minutes" threat.

The heat of his breath and the vibration of his voice send a shiver up your spin as he groans against you. For a moment, his tongue travels lower, teasing at your soaking wet entrance. You whimper, your hips pitching towards him subconsciously as he laps at your juices. He thrusts into you, and you gasp out his name, your fingers tightening in his hair. Still- he doesn't linger there for long. He can tell you're close. Returning to your aching clit, he buries himself between the soaked lips of your pussy, sucking at the tender flesh while the tip of his tongue flicks across the sensitive little nub.

Your eyes roll back, your legs tremble around him, and you swear that for a moment, you see white. With a final cry of his name, you grind your hips against him, urging him harder against your throbbing clit until you cum with a powerful shudder through your entire body. Panting heavily, face flushed, you watch him pull away from you with a smirk and a pleased hum. Once more, he drags his tongue along your slit, licking up your cum and savoring your taste and your little squeak of surprise.

"No... no fair..." you whimper out. Sylvain only chuckles as he rises to his feet with your previously discarded shorts and panties in hand.

"So? How long did you last, babe?" he prods with an absolutely insufferable smirk. You make an attempt at a disapproving glare as you snatch your clothing from him. At first, you ignore the question, sliding back onto your feet to dress yourself. "C'mon," Sylvain graciously allows you to make yourself presentable before urging you to look at him with a hand at your chin, "tell me how quickly I made you cum."

Your eyes dart to the nearby microwave clock, and you grumble,

"Just under four minutes..."

Sylvain's grin widens, and he places a sweet and soft kiss to your lips,

"Happy birthday, babe."

"That was... a hell of a present," you admit with a shy smile.

"Please, that was only a warmup," he says, amber eyes indulgently wandering your body, "Your birthday's not over yet, you know. You'll get the real present later tonight."

The mere thought causes that familiar warmth to bloom at your core, and you have half a mind to drag him away to the nearest bed here and now. But then, you both turn your heads at the sound of roaring cheers and boos, and the telltale banter of the end of another round. You and Sylvain exhale in unison, and he turns to the refrigerator while you take a moment to finish composing yourself.

"Right, so we're looking at two Pilsners, a gin and tonic, two rum and cokes, a cider, and... y'know what, let's just bring the wine down there with us for ease of access."

Sylvain rattles off everyone's drink orders as though he hadn't just interrupted his errand to drive you to a mind-numbing orgasm. You give an awkward half-smile and shrug, then come to receive as many drinks as you can carry. As he lists them off to ensure he hasn't forgotten anyone's order, you interrupt him by standing on your toes and planting a brief but tender kiss to his lips.

"Thank you, Sylvain," you see his eyebrow quirk upward and go on, "For- for planning all of this just for my birthday. And for the incredible orgasm," you add, since you can see him about to mention it, "but mostly for how fun this whole weekend has been."

Seeing Sylvain blush is a rare treat, but you're certain you can see that faint flush across his fair complexion at your praise. His gaze softens and he says simply,

"You know I'd do anything for you."

Soon enough, you're both headed back to the basement with arms full of drinks, moving slowly to avoid tripping or spilling. As you start distributing your cargo, Felix mutters something about the wait, to which Sylvain flippantly replies,

"Sorry man, beer can exploded, total mess."

"Dumbass," Felix mutters, though he receives his hard cider graciously. Sylvain glances over at you, and the knowing smirk he wears, tinged with genuine warmth and fondness, makes you all the more eager for the coming night.

summary: just tae as a college student and plant mom on the side. also slow burn & sexy times :)

genre: smut & fluff !!

warnings: um dirty talk? bit of curse words? smut lol 

au/prompt: college!au, bestfriendtolovers!au

word count: 2818

not proofread, sorry!! wrote this in one seating hehehehe 

 i think Taehyung would be the kind of guy who’d wanna purse arts and/or fashion but he’d go for something a little more prAcTIcaL

introducing, Kim Taehyung of Daegu, 24, major in business

 he’d want his own business someday, just not quite sure what it’d be

 anyways, even being a sophomore at college, he’d have girls and boys feigning over him because he’s just famous for a lot things

 one of which is his looks

 another being the cute barista at your local café

and the one who sings at bars every weekend

he’s just very popular and everyone adored him

but he isn’t the f boy type of popular, though many people did want to sleep with him, he just politely declines them

not saying he doesn’t get action though noPE he’d have sex occasionally when his schedule allows him to

fast forward to monday, a day where college students doze off and attend class 6 hours late 

Taehyung was always punctual and early but today’s an exception

he fell asleep doing equations and maths on his table and well his classes start at 9 am but he woke up around noon

 Taehyung doesn’t even bother to change clothes nor brush his teeth, he just zoops out of his apartment and rushes toward campus

 he’s still sleep deprived from all the work load and late night shifts but his adrenaline’s too much that he reaches the campus in 10 minutes when it usually takes him a good 20 minutes

he just keeps on running and just as he was about to approach the door to 34A (where mr. jung teaches philosophy,, his minor) the door completely smacks him in the face

 he clutches his nose that was hit and was about to curse the person who accidentally hit him but when he sees who hit him

 his brain just goes @/$;2($:&sk;L3

 LIKE WOW???

hair blowing in the wind, light focusing on her figure, flowy dress lightly being blown by the wind and worry etched into her features

 “oh my gosh, i’m so so sorry !!” even her voice sounds like an angel

Taehyung says “it’s fine” then acts all cool and stuff and she smiles at him

AND WHEN HE WAS ABOUT TO ASK FOR HER NAME SHE JUST WOOSHES AND he’s left there looking at her disappearing figure

aaaand that’s where you come in thought that the angel-like girl was you? haH

you see taehyung still clutching his nose and staring off to space so you smack his back and he yelps in pain

“Y/N!!!!”

“TAEHYUNG !!!” you mimick but then you quickly apologize seeing that he was in a bad mood

you fix his hair and ask what happened

you two walk to the cafeteria as he tells you everything that happened

including the oh-so-beautiful girl that accidentally hit his face

“i wanna date her. she’s made my heart race so much. that’s very rare,”

you look at him like ????? like bro you’ve just met her and you’re IN L OV E

 what about me? you think. i’ve been with you all these years and you never even consider looking at me like that.

but you don’t say that. of course you don’t. that’s just too selfish.

so you hype him up and tell him you’d ask around for the girl’s name and Taehyung hopefully finds her to get her number

fast forward and you and Taehyung goes home. you two have no work today, just some lectures to catch up to

you set up the microwave to heat the fried chicken you bought home and Taehyung attend to his plants 

yes he is a plant mom™️ like he sings and hums classical tunes while he waters the plants and letting out little praises and encouragements 

he’s just overall a proud mom of his plants tbh

anyways you and Taehyung work on your school stuff until you felt your body growing tired and found yourself laying down on his lap

the view like this is ✨majestic✨his hair was loose and he had a headband to keep the bangs off of his face

his jaw was locked in concentration as he tries to make the numbers MAKE SENSE

 not to mention how your face is just millimeters away from his crotch akskakd

but you’re wholesome so you ignore the pool of arousal that’s in between your legs

“let’s go to sleep Taeee,” you whine but he pays you no mind

so you opt for straddling his lap so that he’d pay attention to you and it worked

“leave me alone please? you could sleep and i’ll wake you up later,” then he smiles at you

gaaaah his smile just aldksofkeoyn he’s soooo friggin’ warm and cuddly and when he smiles he just takes your heart then and there

but you stay perched on his lap and opt to nuzzle your head on the crook of his neck and mumble about sleeping there

he just chuckles and shifts a little bit to feel more comfortable

that night, Taehyung holds you dearly while he finishes his work. if you were awake, you’d probably see the slightest hint of adoration in his eyes whenever he’d stop working and look at you.

of course he loved you, way more than platonic. about half the population falls in love with their best friend anyways right?

but he wasn’t going to confess. he knew you deserve someone better

see, Taehyung, he sees himself as this messy and too emotionally damaged to even fucking function. much less start a relationship with you.

sure you were damaged like him, maybe even more, but he just can’t risk of hurting you and breaking you into pieces. you’ve already lost so much, he doesn’t want to add to that. so he opts for kissing you on the lips, just lightly. light enough so that it doesn’t stir you awake or anything of the like. he lays you down in his bed and bids you goodnight.

you and him started being friends back in the first year of college, you were both 4th year college students now. anyways, you used to visit the coffee shop he works at almost everyday. he’s seen you stress over your finals, seen you hang out with your friends there, also seen you cry when you boyfriend left you. 

you’ve always ordered something simple, choosing a black coffee instead of something creamy and milky.

until one day you decide to say, “surprise me,” to Taehyung and he just stares at you confused. then you tell him to give you something different, something he’d recommend to you.

alas Taehyung’s mocha latte was born !1!1!

 it was something simple and common as well but it held special meaning to him.

And so you started ordering his mocha latte while you stayed and studied at the coffee shop, eventually forming a friendship with Taehyung.

Anyway back to the present times

come Friday night and you were surprised to find out that Taehyung was going out on a date.

with Seo Soojin

the girl who hit him accidentally on the face

you were surprised with a lot things. first, knowing Taehyung was going out on a date. he wasn’t the type to date and settle down. I mean, of course he’d eventually settle down with a girl but not now. not while he’s in college.

Second, Soojin was actually pretty. In a goddess level, she might just be your girl crush lololol

And lastly, you thought that you had a chance with your gorgeous best friend. You knew he pecked you on the lips while he thought you were sleeping. You were sleeping at one point but you woke up when he lifted you up to place you on the bed. It took all of your willpower to not kiss him back but you were afraid of ruining things, despite the obvious actions he’s made.

But after days of convincing from your other friends, you decided to ask him out.

Yes, girls ask boys out now. it’s the twenty-fucking-first century after all

BUT THE UNIVERSE HAD OTHER PLANS

NOOO fate had to watch your best friend dress up in a nice tux and slick his hair back as he waited for Soojin to text him her address. You had to act all supportive while deep down you knew that him going out with Soojin was hurting you a lot more than you liked.

Now Taehyung,,,,,, he was more than surprised to feel his heart flutter at the appearance of Soojin. She really is pretty but he couldn’t help but think that you would look a lot better.

Their date surprisingly went well but he hoped that he just spent the night with you instead.

He came home to you watering his plants for him and he felt his heart flutter at the sight.

There you were, wearing his grey hoodie and god knows what else underneath

You had your earphones on while you tended to his cacti and various other plants 

If he were a murderer you’d be dead, no doubt bout that

So, he hugs you from behind and rest his chin on your shoulder

You ask him about his date, ignoring the pang in your heart when he talks about how good it was

Instead of breaking your heart over the details in their date, you focus on his warm voice that almost made you sleepy tbh

Taehyung didn’t know why he narrated their date with so much enthusiasm. Maybe he wanted to get out a reaction out of you

But you stayed calm and interested with what he was saying, not showing any signs of jealousy or hurt

He goes to take a shower and he was expecting to have a movie night with you but surprised to see that you’ve gone to bed and so he does to 

You two don’t sleep well that night

SATURDAAAAAAY and Saturdays mean parties

Meaning, Taehyung and you getting shit faced and the two of you could barely make it back to your apartment alive

But it was no doubt your favorite part of the week

You got dressed up wearing something seductive yet still conservative on the side paired with the comfiest pair of heels you have

When Taehyung saw you all dolled up, he was like :000 DAYUMMMM

But he felt a little overprotective when he thinks about the people who’ll look at your body and all that so he gives you his jacket

Though you tell him it’s too hot and that you could handle yourself if ever something happens

You’re already in the party and Taehyung swears to himself that he’ll keep an eye on you and that if something bad ever happens to you he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself 

He sees you out of your comfort zone, dancing around people and gathering attention from lots of people

You’re happy with the attention so you keep on partying

Taehyung was about to go to the bathroom, thinking that you’d be fine since you were just dancing, but then he sees a man talk to you

The man was fucking tall, very smug, very untrustworthy

His lips were too close on your ear and you seem very very uncomfortable

So Taehyung rushes to your side, grips your waist and says,

“Back off. She’s mine.” WITH THAT LOW AND SEXY VOICE OF HIS ASKJJDSK IM LOSING IT

But the guy had the aUDACITY to ignore Taehyung and continues “so, will you spend the night with me sweetcheeks?”

TAEHYUNG GROWLS AT PUSHES THE GUY WITH SO MUCH FORCE

You had to grip his arm and ask him to stop and not make a scene with the smallest voice you have

And just as you two were about to leave, the guy shouts “lucky you, you’ve got a fine piece of ass right there,” and that’s all it takes for Taehyung to throw his fist at the guy

Everyone stopped dancing and focused on the scene unravelling in front of them

Pulling Taehyung back you tell him “that’s enough,” and drag him out of the house

The whole walk home was quiet and the tension was thick

“It’s because of that damn outfit,” he says once you’ve entered your shared apartment

You scoff and bend down to take you heels off and say “It’s not my fault men can’t control their dicks,”

Taehyung looks at you with this animalistic glint in his eye and stalks toward you

“You should’ve been more careful, babygirl,”

His lips attack your neck

You couldn’t move because you were shocked and aroused all at the same time

He sucks at the sweet spot on your neck and it just turned you into a moaning mess

You tug his hair, moan his name 

“Jump,” he commands and so you do

He kisses your lip and you kiss him back with more force

Tongues fighting for dominance, teeth clashing, little spills of moans and grunts here and there

“When I saw you in that article you call clothes,” he chuckles “all I could think about was ripping it off of you right there and then,” he kisses your collarbones

“It isn’t the first time too. All the nights you spend snuggled up to me wearing my shirt with no bra on and I could feel your breasts pushed up against me,” he unzips your clothing and lets it fall to floor

·“God fucking dammit Taehyung. Fuck me already,” you say and he looks up at you

A smirk on his lips and eyebrows raised in challenge

He grips your hip and you wrap your legs around him as he carries you to your bedroom

You were slightly expecting him to be just a tad bit gentle but clearly he was in a bad mood so he throws you into the bed and removes both of your clothes quickly

 “Suck,” he tells you and moans when your lips wrap around his digit

He brings his fingers to pump his cock a bit and pushes into your cunt without warning 

The force got you screeching and clawing at his back

“Fuck, harder,” you mewl and he obliges

He fucks you at an animalistic speed and his eyes bore into yours as he thrusts deeper into you 

It doesn’t take long for you to reach your climax and Taehyung’s thumb rubs your clit until you were coming

And he’s coming to and as much as you want him to finish inside of you, you knew that that wasn’t safe so he pulls out and cums on your tummy

He helps you scoot over and lays beside you

“I’m in love with you and this is probably the worst timing ever but I just want to say that I loved you for a long time and even if you don’t like me back, I’ll keep on loving you and-“ he rambles

But you cut him off with a sweet and slow kiss

“I’m in love with you too, Tae. Have been for a long time,” and you look at him 

The moonlight from the window doing wonders to his face

His lips turn into a small smile and kisses you again

And again

And again

“Do you know why I made you a mocha latte on that day?” he quietly speaks as he tangles your bodies together

“Ooooh that’s a question I’ve been dying to ask for a long time. Tell me. tell me,” you pipe

He breathes before saying, “you know how you alternate ordering an americano on bad and normal days and plain milk on warm and good days?” You nod 

“Well, a mocha latte is a combination of both with just with added chocolate flavouring and sugar,”

“That’s how you made me feel,” he says and you look at him with question marks in your eyes

He laughs, “Before you, my life was just plain and dull. Kind of like an americano,”

“But then you started visiting the café shop more and everyday it brought me a whole new feeling,”

“Every time you’re sitting at alone, whether it be studying or just reading, it made me feel a lot of things. happiness, curiousity, the whole butterflies in my stomach thing,”

“So think of the sugar and chocolate to be my growing feelings for you and yeah,” he laughs again and this time you laugh with him 

“I love you, even though you’re so damn cheesy!”

“I love you too, Y/N. I love you,” and you both smile and hold each other

“I think I’m going to have a coffee shop as my business once I graduate,” he says and you nod

And you two live life happy and healthy 😊) (safe to say the universe’s on your side now)

 SO SORRY IF THAT WAS TOOOOO LONG AND NGL I FEEL BAD FOR SOOJIN AND THIS SEEMS SO RUSHED AKJDS ANW HOPE Y’ALL LIKED IT :>

HLVRAI Oneshot: “Good”

I crave more wholesome interactions with Joshua...

Word count: 2352

Summary:  Benrey was not human, he was not an alien, he was just… something else. Something dangerous, something destructive, something that had nearly killed Gordon over and over again. He was… bad.

Right?

“I’ve gotta take care of some business, but I should be back in a couple hours.” Gordon quickly explained as he pulled on his jacket, smacking his arm off the wall in the process.

Benrey watched, confused as to what the rush was and uncertain as to what Gordon meant. He was coming back at some point so things would be chill until then-

“Make sure Joshua doesn’t break anything.” Gordon quickly added, not noticing how the smile on Benrey’s face dropped and the slate grey orbs that floated out of his mouth. “There’s food in the fridge-shit, can you even use a microwave?!”

“i make my gamer fuel in there.” Benrey shrugged, trying to look casual and composed. “like eggs-”

“You what-NO! YOU DO NOT PUT EGGS-oh my god.” Gordon groaned, pressing his head into his hands for a moment to wallow in the sheer mental agony of trying to process such a horrible cooking choice before scrambling to get ready once more. “No eggs. No microwave.”

“no me gusta?”

“You’re like an old internet meme.”

An Uno card was chucked at Gordon’s face, which was quickly dodged. He glared at Benrey, ignoring the faint laughter coming from the other man, and pulled his keys out of his pocket.

It was at this moment that Benrey began internally panicking. He could handle being on his own, but having to watch after a kid-

“Text me if anything happens or if you need help!” Gordon called out as he made his way out the door and locked it behind him.

He did not see how Benrey stretched an arm out after him, face panicked and worried as he tried to beg the other man to stay because oh shit oh shit I don’t know what to do-

It had been about three hours since Gordon had left on whatever business he needed to complete. Fortunately, Joshua had been rather chill about the entire situation, happy to be able to play games with Benrey and just relax.

Of course, the kid had only had a melted cheese sandwich for dinner since Benrey had no clue what to really make for him, but Joshua had not complained. For a while the mock guardian had waited to see if the kid would be poisoned by the makeshift meal, but all seemed to be fine.

Benrey did not get… food, or at least the type of food that Gordon typically made. He was all for fast and easy to prepare, and only somewhat edible. Cereal, frozen meals, stale candy, that was the good shit.

Not good for a growing child according to Gordon.

He sighed and dragged a hand down his face as he watched Joshua flop over the sofa and watch tv. His legs were up in the air and his head was hanging off the sofa, he was basically upside down. A humorous sight, something that helped to alleviate the worry in Benrey.

He was so stupidly worried.

A part of him wondered why Gordon had left Joshua in his care, even if there had been some sort of an emergency he needed to take care of. Tommy made a much better babysitter! Coomer did too!

Literally anyone was better than him! He was…

Dangerous.

Benrey knew he was the furthest thing from safe due to both his nature and lack of knowledge in practically everything. He had no experience in dealing with any of this simple human stuff, had no clue what was potentially dangerous and was just…

A hazard.

It was something he had come to terms with some time ago, recalling all the things he had done back in Black Mesa and how easily it had happened. How easily he had killed innocent people, not that he felt guilty for ending those lives, but it was something he was aware of.

Aware of how potentially dangerous he could be. Aware of how many times he had hurt Gordon and nearly killed him without meaning to-

He did not dislike himself because of this, per say. There were times where he looked back on certain actions with distaste, all of them involving hurting Gordon in some way, and continuously reminded himself that he needed to do better, be better.

It was exhausting, and now he had a kid to look after for who knows how long-

“Benrey?”

Ah shit. Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

“yooooo, what’s up little joshie?” Benrey casually waved at the kid who was now standing in front of him, having abandoned both the sofa and television. “josh dude, bro josh- brosh.”

The last nickname got a laugh out of Joshua, though the laughter quickly faded out and was replaced by a silence mixed with the muted noises of the television. Not wanting to have to deal with any awkward silences, especially when he was in a bit of a mood already, he asked another question.

“you-you bored of the tv or somethin’? wanna play some games and chill?”

Joshua quickly shook his head. He actually seemed… nervous, which was weird since he was relaxed earlier. Did something happen? Did Gordon text him something? Had something bad happened to Gordon?

“Benrey… d-do you like me?”

Well that was a loaded question.

The ex-security guard let out a nervous laugh. “wh-what do… do you mean by that, little joshie bro?”

“You kinda act like some of the kids at school who don’t like me.” The explanation was rushed, nothing more than a sharp exhale. “You talk to me and play games with me and stuff but you always look… uncomfortable.”

Shit, shit, shit-

“And…” Oh god, was the kid starting to cry now?! Water could be seen building up in Joshua’s eyes, and he sniffled. “I-If you’re only doing it cause you wanna make dad happy, that’s okay. Dad should be happy since he’s stressed a lot-”

“no, no, no!” Benrey quickly interrupted while waving his arms, hoping to stop the young boy’s spiral into sorrow. “it’s not you-i’m just… just-”

Words, why were words such a struggle?! In his stressed state, he placed his hands on his helmet and groaned, grey bubbles floating out of his mouth.

Grey means that he’s not okay. Not that Joshua knew this, of course. All the kid knew was that Benrey was having some sort of a reaction to his words, and that it did not seem to be a good one. He anxiously fiddled with his hands as he watched the ex-security guard. It looked as though he was contemplating leave, probably planning on going to his room and wallowing in his sorrowful emotions, and this was when Benrey decided to speak up.

“bbbbbbbbb, joshie-you… you’re a good kiddo. cool pro gamer.” He somewhat rambled, as close to rambling as he could get at the moment. “you don’t-you’re not… th-those kids are wrong a-and you need to eat your veggies-”

Oh this was a disaster.

Partially giving up, Benrey groaned and walked over to the sofa. He plopped down and buried his head in his hands. What should he do, what should he do-

Joshua, seeing the obvious strife that the ex-security guard was going through at the moment, walked over to the sofa and sat down beside him. Despite thinking that Benrey did not like him, the last thing the young boy wanted was a bad relationship with the strange man.

Partly due to the fact that Joshua did enjoy his presence, and his dad clearly cared about the man to some extent. It was just that sometimes he could see Benrey cringe before talking to him, the hesitation during some of their interactions and…

It hurt, plain and simple.

Benrey cringed as he felt the cushion dip as Joshua joined him, and he hesitantly lifted his head up to look at the kid. He took in the worried expression on his face, as well as the lingering anxiety and tears that were present.

“it’s me.” He blurted out, not knowing how else to phrase it. Upon seeing Joshua’s confused expression, he kept speaking. “kids, i dunno… kids are tough little dude, but they’re also fragile and i... don’t wanna h-hurt you on accident cause you’re cool and feetman’s special kiddo-”

He was not going to mention the time he had jokingly insulted Joshua’s appearance. He was not the best at navigating conversations, but even he knew that would be a stupid move.

“and i’m… me.” He gestured to himself, pointing out some of the key features that made him look so different from your typically human. The glowing eyes, the sharp teeth, the talons that would appear and disappear.

“i’m-i’m not safe. i... hurt your dad and-and a bunch of other people and you’re so... soft’n squishy cause you’re a kid and i don���t wanna hurt you too.”

“Would you accidentally hurt me?” Joshua’s question was simple, and so was the answer that Benrey had for it.

“course not, you’re my little gamer bro.” He immediately replied, momentarily surprised at how coherent his words were. “we’re... we’re buddies’n stuff, right? i wouldn’t let that happen if-if i could stop it, y’know?”

“We’re buddies? Really?” The shine of tears in Joshua’s eyes seemed to be replaced by the glow of excitement and joy.

Oh god, he was getting the warm fuzzies-

“yeah we’re like-like two peas in a pod.”

To celebrate the wholesome conclusion that had been reached, the pair decided to engage in some friendly competition by playing some video games. Of course, Benrey did hold back a bit so he did not totally crush Joshua during their various bouts of fighting and racing.

The kid totally did not kick his butt, not in the slightest.

As what tends to happen with kids around his age, Joshua slowly began to grow more and more tired as time passed, although he did not want to go to his room to sleep.

He was still a bit worried about his dad, after all.

So, he ended up having the brilliant idea of asking Benrey if he could watch him play some video games. Fortunately for the young boy, the ex-security guard was quick to agree with his idea. This allowed Joshua to stay by his side and relax.

At some point he did end up passing out, not that Benrey noticed for two reasons. The first being his hyper focus that was directed towards the game he was playing, and the second being that he was also getting pretty tired.

Which was quite unusual since Benrey was a night owl, but he assumed it had something to do with the emotionally draining conversation from earlier.

Slowly, his eyes began to shut and the controller started to slip from his grip. By the time it hit the ground, he was fast asleep.

Hours later, Benrey was roused out of his nap as he felt a warm hand resting on his shoulder, gently shaking him. A voice whispered his name over and over. It was familiar.

Gordon…?

Bleary eyes cracked open, Benrey groaning faintly in annoyance as he waited for his vision to clear, only seeing the blurry outline of some figure. Plus there was that weird weight on his side. Felt kinda nice, even if he didn’t know what it was.

After rubbing his eyes and getting the grit out of them, he found himself staring up into Gordon’s face, and was greeted by the surprisingly warm smile on it. He could feel his cheeks flush as his heart pumped faster in his chest.

Gordon looked so cute in the dim lighting provided by the tv, highlighting his cheekbones and the scruffy beard. His eyes seemed to shimmer and glow, and every bit of his messy hair reflected the light-

“Thanks for taking care of Joshie.” Gordon suddenly said, snapping Benrey out of his thoughts. The ex-security guard continued stare at him as he continued speaking. “It looks like you two have a fun time.”

… wha?

His confusion must have been obvious as the other man was quick to gesture towards whatever the weight on his side was, and a quick glance had Benrey inhaling sharply.

At some point during the night, Joshua had fallen asleep against him. The young boy was curled up on his side, arms and knees tucked close to his chest and he practically snuggled up to Benrey. He was still sound asleep, somehow.

A miracle based on how loud Benrey’s heart was beating. Surely the kid could hear it too.

He must have fallen asleep at some point, but it was surprising that he had not moved or gone to his room to sleep in his bed.

Benrey hesitantly lifted a hand up before gently placing it on Joshua’s back. The kid mumbled something in his sleep and stirred, not waking up. Gordon’s smile grew at the sight and he fully stood up. For a moment, Benrey assumed he was going to pick the kid up and take him to his bed, but this assumption was proven wrong when Gordon started quietly cleaning up the living room.

“psssst, feetman? gaydon? wh-when are you gonna move josh dude?”

Gordon turned around, the smug smirk on his face letting him know that he was about to face his demise. “Move him? But he looks so comfortable.”

“feetman don’t do this to me-”

“C’mon, Benrey, do you really wanna make Joshua sad? Just look at how happy he is.”

Benrey blinked at his words and, with a bit of prompting, looked down at Joshua once more. After a bit of focusing, he was still kind of tired, his eyes landed on the kid’s face.

He was still smiling . Still happy at the outcome of the conversation that had taken place hours earlier.  

Gordon chuckled as Benrey sat there, in shock and awed at the revelation. He… he had made someone happy. Cheered them up when they were down. With the realization that he had managed to actually help someone, never mind that someone being a kid who was almost as important to him as Gordon, Benrey came to another conclusion.

Maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

nothing but the truth (1/2)

His body is burning hot, shaking in the way it would in the early days. He doesn’t know where he is, everything blurring together as black spots dance in his vision. The tight feeling in his chest is a leaky and dripping thing, filling up his lungs and crawling up his throat, and Five just wants it out.

Distantly, he can hear a lock click.

“Five? Five!” Two strong hands wrap around his shoulders, a blurred face breaking through his haze of panic. Five blinks and the image focuses - it’s Diego, hauling him up by his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

He bursts.

(Following their collective un-adoption, Five gets injected with a truth serum, has a bit of a breakdown, and finally gets a hug. Post S2 - S.A. exists.)

Part 2 (Coming Soon)

AO3 Link (Coming Soon)

They all practically collapse into a motel, bruised and bloody but alive. They no longer have a home, their lives are in shambles, but at the very least, he and his siblings aren’t dead. Five has learned to take what he can get. Allison rumors them two connecting rooms with ease, and they all file in.

Five plops himself down on a ratty wooden armchair tucker in the far corner. It’s got a good view of the rest of the room, and it’s close to a window. His side twinges at the thought of having to sleep upright on the uncomfortable and splintered insult to furniture, but it’s a small price to pay for safety.

“Is everyone okay?” Luther asks, collapsing onto one of the queen-sized beds. With the way it groans, Five is surprised it hasn’t collapsed under his weight already. Diego falls into the other one next to him, gripping his gut. “Diego?”

“I’m fine. It’s just the fucking stab wound Dad gave me acting up.” Diego mutters, face pinched.

“Join the club,” Five mutters. Amidst the chaos that was fighting the Sparrow Academy completely unprepared, the man had managed to stab him with a needle. Five had managed to shake it off before all of it was emptied into his body, but the fact that he doesn’t know what it’s going to do to him is… unsettling.

It’ll be fine. Five can handle whatever side-effects it throws at him by himself.

“You join the club,” Diego snaps back, bringing him back to the present. “Dad stabbed me first!” He pauses, brows furrowing. “Wait, when did you get stabbed by Dad?”

“Does it matter? It’s Dad.” Diego stares at him, pushing himself up on an elbow.

“Five—“

“Do we even still call ‘Dad’ now? I mean, he pretty much un-adopted us.” Klaus wonders out loud, stretching out next to Diego with his legs crossed. “Don’t even get me started on Emo-Ben.”

“‘Emo-Ben’?” Allison quirks an eyebrow, placing a first aid kit on the coffee table in the middle of the room. She tosses Diego a bottle of aspirin. Five makes a mental note to sneak some pills from it later.

“Yeah, ‘cause of his awful bangs. Where’d you get that?”

“Asked the motel owner while I was getting this room. It’s not great, I know”

“Should I get some food?” Vanya asks, wiping the sweat from her pale face. Fighting against the Sparrow Academy’s attempts to capture them had taken a lot out of her.

“No offense, Van, but you look like you’re gonna pass out,” Klaus says. “So does Five, honestly.” Five jerks slightly at the mention, instinctively gripping the briefcase tighter.

He doesn’t want to deal with their worry right now. (‘Where was it when the world was about to be destroyed?’ A quiet, bitter part of him hisses.)

“Actually,” Allison says, glancing between him and Vanya with her stupid mothering eyes. “I think I saw a small shop downstairs. Does anyone want anything?”

“I want chips! And a bottle of nail polish, thank you.”

“I can come help, if you want,” Five can practically see Luther’s tail wagging as he sits up to look at Allison hopefully. He’d laugh if his chest didn’t hurt so much.

“Some notebooks and pens would be nice,” Five mutters, absentmindedly rubbing at his neck. The injection point is starting to itch, and he digs his grimy nails in further, practically clawing at it in a vain attempt to get the sensation to stop. There’s a tight knot in his chest like he’s gotten heartburn, and he can’t seem to breathe. “I’m taking a shower.” He says, abruptly standing up and brushing past his siblings towards the dingy motel bathroom.

As soon as the lock clicks, Five throws up.

--

Five practically tears the shower curtains off of the rod when Klaus busts down the bathroom door, clothes in hand. “Oh, Five-y!” He chirps, setting them down on the cracked toilet seat. “I come bearing gifts!” They must have gone out for new clothes - Klaus has shed his 60s get up for a loose black skirt and some band t-shirt.

“The door was locked,” He hisses. “Do you even know what the word ‘knock’ means?”

Klaus laughs, turning to look at him. “Of course I do, Fi—ive, Christ on a cracker!” His mouth drops open. It’s the bruises, Five realizes belatedly and clutches the curtain tighter to his chest. “What happened?”

He bats away the hand that’s reaching to grab the shower curtain. “Unlike the rest of you, I haven’t exactly had the luxury of sitting around and playing house.” Between two apocalypses, there wasn’t any time to worry about old wounds and a couple of bruises. Besides, Five’s gotten used to the dull aches of pain. “It’s fine. It doesn’t matter anymore. Get out.”

Klaus stares at him. “Uh, I think it matters a lot? You look like someone used you as a punching bag. You need help, Five.”

You need help, Five.

Now they want to help? Not when the entire world is on the line?

His thin, fraying line of patience snaps.

“Get out, Klaus!” He snaps, throwing a bar of soap at the younger man. Klaus flees at that moment, leaving the bar of soap to hit the door and fall onto the dirty floor.

Great.

Five turns off the shower.

The clothes Klaus brought are clearly for adults much bigger than this stupid body’s skinny frame - the shirt comes down to his knees, and the leggings are baggy around his legs, only held up by the elastic waistband. He looks even stupider pulling the academy shorts over them, the only piece of his uniform that doesn’t smell or feel like something died in them.

It’s comfortable.

Fuck.

Klaus immediately zeroes in on him as soon as he leaves the bathroom, pushing a plastic cup of cheap microwave noodles into his hands. The synthetic chicken smell makes his stomach flip. “Five! I think we should probably talk about what happened.” He claps, looking at Five expectantly. This, unfortunately, attracts the attention of the rest of his brain-dead siblings who can’t seem to get the memo that he wants to be left alone. Five can practically feel the weight of their concerned gazes on him.

“You look like shit, Five.” Diego comments between bites. “What’d you want to talk about anyway, Klaus?”

“It’s about-”

“-nothing.” Five cuts in with a sharp glare. “It’s about nothing. Klaus just needs to mind his own damn business.”

“Five,” Vanya says reproachfully.

“I’m not apologizing,” He says shortly, ignoring the feeling of bile burning the back of his throat. Five doesn’t bother jumping to the armchair - he’s too tired, having burnt up all his energy to stop the apocalypse two times over, and now he has to burn whatever scraps he can find to figure out a way to get them out of this mess. He places the cup noodles onto the floor, grabs the cheap notebook and pen lying on the chair, and tries to start on his equations.

The keyword being tries.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Five?” Luther asks.

“Not hungry.” He bites out. Allison raises an eyebrow.

“Have you been eating?” She asks, pointing a fork at him. “I think all I’ve seen you drink is coffee.”

“He had a pot of coffee when we went to a diner back in Dallas.” Vanya offers up. He shoots her a glare. She doesn’t flinch, staring back cooly.

Huh. Look who grew a backbone. Five would be proud of her if her newfound confidence wasn’t getting in his way.

“I ate other things too.” His headache is getting worse. Maybe he’ll just take some aspirin now.

“Just eat your food, bro.”

“And I said I wasn’t hungry,” Five snaps, slamming the notebook down onto his lap. “I’m fifty-eight fucking years old, Diego. If I wanted a bunch of children half my age to baby me, I would have gone to a fucking daycare.”

Before anyone can say anything - though he can see Diego gearing up for a fight - Five grabs his things and jumps. He ignores the way he stumbles, the way his throat burns, or the way the itching spreads. He doesn’t have time for this. Right now, he needs to work.

There’s probably a closet or something around here that he can work in.

---

It was hot in the apocalypse.

In the first few days, when the bodies were still fresh and unburied and there was smoke and fire everywhere, the temperature never dropped. Even at night, the sweltering heat never eased up, keeping him in a choke hold. It was even hotter where the bodies of his siblings were. Dolores had told him not to sleep at their half-built graves.

It’s too warm, Five. You’ll burn up. She had been kind and gentle about it. It was more than he deserved. You can come back, but you can’t stay.

Five stopped listening to her and continued building.

He got heatstroke two days later.

In his dehydrated, fevered state, he clung to the sun-warmed bodies of his siblings, convinced that they were still alive. His heat-induced hallucinations would talk to him, begging him to help them. If it hadn’t been for a weak thunderstorm passing overhead, Five would have died there with his siblings, lying in a half-dried puddle of his own sick and piss.

He’s reminded of those times now.

His body is burning hot, shaking in the way it would in the early days. He doesn’t know where he is, everything blurring together as black spots dance in his vision. The tight feeling in his chest is a leaky and dripping thing, filling up his lungs and crawling up his throat, and Five just wants it out.

Distantly, he can hear a lock click.

“Five? Five!” Two strong hands wrap around his shoulders, a blurred face breaking through his haze of panic. Five blinks and the image focuses - it’s Diego, hauling him up by his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

He bursts.

“Everything’s wrong, I don’t know, I never know, it just hurts so much,” The words leave his mouth unbidden, every secret he has ready to spill out into the open at a moment’s notice. “It always hurts, but I guess watching your family die, it’s- it’s always painful, and you look so much nicer alive-”

“Five? Klaus, w-why is he acting like this?”

“Klaus is there too? I never gave him his twenty bucks. I never came back for you either, I’m sorry, I wasn’t going to leave you, I swear, I love you all so much, I-” The world moves, colors blurring together. Next thing Five knows, he is being laid out on something soft.

When it refocuses, Five is staring at the worried faces of his siblings. “I don’t know why you care so much,” His mouth is still moving, and if he were a bit more coherent, he would have been mortified at what was coming out. “I left and even though I tried to get back, I never got back in time, I never get back in time, something always happens-”

“Did he finally lose it?”

“Maybe I did.” Don’t say it. “I spent so long in the apocalypse, I’m-” Don’t say it. “-sure I went insane, I, I thought-” DON’T. SAY. IT. “-about killing myself sometimes, but I didn’t try, I didn’t, I swear, Dolores would-” Something jams itself between his teeth. The taste of wet metal and vomit fills his mouth, and Five only realizes that it’s his forearm when the sharp sting of pain sets in.

His neck itches.

“Hey,” Klaus laughs, voice pitching high with hysteria. “What the fuck?” All of his siblings are staring at him, a little shell-shocked at the sudden confession.

“Ish the needul,” He blurts out, desperate to take the attention off that confession, half-muffled by his forearm. “Dad, he got’h me wiff ah needul.” The heat has died down some, after blurting out so much, but it’s still there.

“I’m sorry, Dad got you with a what?” Much to his chagrin, Diego pries his bloody arm from his teeth. Vanya passes him a roll of bandages. “Why the hell didn’t you say anything? Why can’t you let us help you instead of going off on your own all the time, Five!?”

“Because-” it was only a little, I could handle it, I’m not a kid “-I don’t want you to die again. I don’t want to see you die again. I’m always the last one left, and I’m going to be the last one left because I’m stuck in this stupid thirteen-year-old body, it’s why I hate it so much, though the patronization obviously doesn’t help much since I’m supposed to be 58, but all my wrinkles and white hair and sunspots are gone, and if they’re gone, was I ever really in the apocalypse at all? If a tree falls in the forest with no one around, does it still happen? Sometimes I wish-”

Fuck it. Five might as well put it all out on the table. He’s in no shape to teleport out, and his mouth isn’t going to be stopping anytime soon.

“I wish the bullet holes stayed when I rewound time, because these bruises hurt and maybe I’m the problem, and you were all so happy in the 1960s-”

A soft, calloused hand covers his mouth. “This is an invasion of privacy,” Vanya says quietly. Five can’t see their faces - doesn’t want to see their faces - but the silence says everything.

“H-He said he was hurt,” Diego says, bandages still in hand. “We need to... can you take off his shirt? He’s probably got something hidden under there.”

“Five, do you want me to move my hand?”

“Why are you being so nice to me?” He blurts out the minute Vanya moves her hand slightly to start taking off his shirt and check his injuries. “I don’t understand, I’ve done so many bad things, I ran away and left you to get beaten by Dad, I stranded us in the 1960s, I’ve killed so many people, I killed the board of directors, and it didn’t even get us home in the end because I was so fucking stupid to think the Handler wouldn’t go back on her deal, she always does! I know this-” His shirt is tugged over his head, effectively muting him.

Five resists the urge to cover himself as his bare chest is exposed. The audible gasps of his siblings don’t help whatsoever.

“Five,” Diego takes mercy on him, opening up the first aid kit Allison handed him. “There’s a lot to unpack here, and I know I’m still not entirely sure what’s going on with you, but here’s what’s going to happen.”

“I-”

“Vanya,” Her hand clamps down on his mouth. “We’re not going to force you to say anything else. This is- This isn’t something- what you’ve said. I’m sure there are things you really didn’t want to tell us. That doesn’t mean there aren’t things we won’t address, but not when you’re like this.” Diego’s fingers run through his hair soothingly.

“But why?” Five nearly sobs around Vanya’s palm, and maybe he is sobbing at this point. Everything feels far away and painful at this point, but he fights through it to focus on Diego.

“Because we love you, dumbass,” Diego lightly raps his knuckles on Five’s sweaty forehead. “You’re still apart of this family. Sure you’ve missed out on some stuff, but so have we. It’s a two-way street.”

“We’re here for you,” Vanya hums, Allison sitting down next to her with a smile on her face and a glass of water in hand.

“Yup. Time to shut the fuck up, Five-y.” Klaus grins at him. Luther, who had been standing a little ways away, comes over to wipe at his sweat and tears with a napkin.

“Is it okay if I give you a hug?” He sounds a little teary himself. Five doesn’t trust his mouth not to run away from him, and he nods. At this point, he’s too emotionally and physically exhausted to keep up any pretenses.

Everyone crowds on the shitty motel bed that’s way too small to support the weight of six people to join in on the hug, but Five finds that he can’t seem to care.

He clings to the first hug he’s gotten in forty-five years and doesn’t let go.

Doki Doki Grist Panic! Ch. 1

pairing: John/Dave Characters: John Egbert, Dave Strider, Bro Strider cw: Canon Typical Violence, magical boys, more tags to be added as needed

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27802735/chapters/68066416

The life of a magical boy is a tough one, but Dave doesn't really have much of a choice in the matter. It's the fate he was handed, and the fate he'll cope with. With new enemies spawning in his city left and right, Dave has his hands full trying to maintain the peace and little time for much else. That is, until the cute boy he rescued turns up in his college class and seems to share all of his interests. Is love on the horizon? Or is love too much to hope for in this line of work?

     There were nearly too many to count by the time Dave arrived on the scene, dark creatures that looked like they were born from an oil slick, their shoulders and head decked with odd looking colorful scraps of fabric collars and hats. Most of the people had fled the area when the hungry beasts had turned up, but a few victims had been downed by the creatures, their bodies lying limp surrounded by bright colorful gems of energy in a rainbow of colors.

     Grist. It was the energy of this planet, the energy that powered every living thing, and as such it was a tasty target for most enemies from beyond the asteroid belt who wanted a quick powerup. Dave had run into plenty of creatures before, both from home and from beyond, who were a threat to the populace, but he’d never seen beings act this efficiently before.

     Everywhere the creatures jumped they left behind an oily mess, even soiling the grist their greedy hands reached for, wanting to throw the delicate candy looking items into their mouths. Were they just going to eat them to further their own power? Or were they eating them to transport them? It didn’t matter. They weren’t going to get far. Dave was planning on doing a silent takedown, a sneak attack, but he realized there was a risk. A lone person was standing in the midst of the carnage, dark hair and tanned skin stark against a blue sweater the color of the crisp autumn sky itself and a bright white shirt collar.

     He had to get them safe, before they fell to the same fate as the scattered bodies.

     Right. Showy it was, then.

     “STOP RIGHT THERE,” Dave cried, bounding out of cover and out into view in a flash of red. His black and white knee high boots, black buttons shining on the side, clicked on the concrete as he landed safely from the larger than life jump he’d performed. The black leggings he wore beneath the red, gear pattern edged tunic were pristine from the recent transformation, the same material coating his arms and chest like a second skin. The dark red cape he wore fluttered in the wind, hood down and back, white hair windswept. It was quite the impressive appearance, all things considered.

     “Wh-what?” said the soon to be victim. His eyes were pretty to look at behind the thick glasses he wore, black frames perched on his nose. He didn’t look nearly as terrified as he should have, but then again shock can do a lot to a person.

     “Get to cover!” Dave barked, a gloved hand pointing to the clear area he’d come from. As planned, the creatures focused on him, pausing in their gorey gathering ritual to flock his direction. Another flash of red, the afterimage of a slowly ticking gear hanging behind him for a moment and Dave had summoned his weapon of choice, a long silvery blade with a gilt crossguard, broadsword firm and true. He bounced on the balls of his feet for a moment, hyping himself up as he shifted his grip, before pointing the sword at the incoming beasts.

     “You will not best me. I am a warrior of Earth and you’re not gonna get in my way!” he shouted.

     Time slowed around him briefly, the clock gear flashing in the air behind him as he darted forwards, giving him enough speed and delay to get in the heavy strikes he needed against the inky interlopers. Their bodies felt solid at first hit, but when they collapsed it was into grist and oil slick once more. Darting around this way, the creatures slower than usual, gave him an upper hand that was in some ways criminal. They were low tier creatures judging from their density alone and the lack of a fight they put up, but their numbers were still worrisome to Dave. He was panting by the time he finished the slicing and dicing, black gunk coated grist littering the ground behind him.

     He held the sword as he caught his breath before slowly straightening, loosening his grip on it and willing it back from where it had been summoned. The released grist was slowly beginning to move, rolling and bouncing back towards the limp bodies they had come from. With luck, they’d wake up soon. No doubt the police would be coming shortly, ambulance in tow, if only from the amount of people that had run away in terror.

     Right, where was- Oh. Good, there he was. The fellow from before, mister blue sweater, seemed fine and dandy. A little wide eyed in shock now, but who could blame him? It wasn’t often that Dave had to make appearances where people could see him. It was far, far easier being a magical boy out of view of the populace, guarding people from a distance, not having to deal with aftermath even if he was capable of making quick escapes unseen. Mister blue sweater might have been hit if he hadn’t exposed himself as he had.

     Actually, speaking of-

     “What’s your name?” Dave asked as he clicked his way closer to the bystander’s side, glancing him over. No sign of damage. A little oil on his shoes, when he looked closer, but otherwise unharmed. Good.

     “John,” said the black haired fellow. “Who are..?”

     Dave smiled a bit, reaching a gloved hand up to flick his bangs away from his face. “Doesn’t matter who I am. John, you got really lucky. Do me a favor: when the cops get here, make sure that the people who are still asleep get help. They should wake up soon, but some might be feeling sick for a while after this. Grist doesn’t always redistribute evenly, when there’s a lot scattered like that.” Pain in the neck, really, but what could anyone do? Somehow have an inventory of how much grist people had at the moment of attack then inventory reclaimed grist and distribute it evenly? Impossible.

     He smiled then, blue eyes crinkling at the edges, and showed buck teeth that were actually pretty charming when taken in with the rest of the whole. The upside of this duty Dave had, this burden in some lights, was that he got to see all kinds of people. Even the really cute ones. Charmed, but needing to beat feet, Dave smirked and turned around, making a series of difficult leaps to reach the top of the buildings before speeding away, flash stepping out of sight and allowing the magic to slowly fade. There were no more feelings of intense wrong, nothing on his internal radar nearby, at least for the night. Safety had returned. Time to relax.

     By the time Dave was closer to home, his hair had changed back to blonde from the stark white it had been during the fight, and the uniform had returned to the clothing he’d been wearing before the change, a simple t-shirt and some jeans with rips in the knees, sunglasses, high top sneakers and a chain wallet, his keys with the stupid heart keychain Dirk had given him that he’d never bothered to get rid of. He made his way up the long sets of stairs before unlocking the door with his key, waving to his Bro where he sat on the futon in front of the television, playing a video game.

     “Hey.”

     “Hey,” he heard back, ignoring the sound of familiar game music in favor of carefully raiding the fridge for something to eat. “Very big of a mess this time?”

     “Nah. Nothing I can’t handle,” Dave said, settling on a bottle of juice. Instant ramen sounded better than the leftovers that were available, even if it was mostly salt and carbs. He was tired and needed something hot. “Y’know, if you thought it might be a big mess you could’ve at least bothered to cook.”

     “You’re a big boy, you can handle it,” Bro said casually. “When I used to run around on the beat, I-”

     “Flew uphill both ways in the snow,” Dave said flatly, annoyed, but breaking his noodles into a bowl and adding water and the powder before slapping it into the microwave to cook.

     “No, I was gonna say I didn’t have anyone to run me a bath and cook me stuff, I was on my own. If I could do it, you can do it. Who knows when I won’t be here to help back you up anyway?”

     “Back me up?” Dave said, brows lifting over his shades. “You can’t back shit up when it comes to some of these things!”

     “Please, Dave. I might not be magic anymore, but I still know how the fuck to fight some monsters.”

     “If anyone could back me up against monsters, it’d be Dirk, but he’s off bein’ a prettyboy ninja stud fuck knows where. You need magic to beat this shit, or at least the shit that’s turned up in the last few years. You know that. You knew that before you gave everything up an-”

     Bro was quiet for a moment before he paused his game and sighed, leaning back against the futon, interrupting Dave’s train of words. “Yeah, yeah, I know. C’mon, man, at least let me pretend I’d be useful to your ass beyond fightin’ practice.”

     “I don’t need fighting practice! You always wanna use katanas, I use a broadsword! A broadsword!” Dave said, looking to the microwave when it beeped before aggressively popping it open. He grabbed a fork and his hot noodles before heading for the hallway. “I’m gonna go eat, shout if you need me. Or text, or whatever.”

     Bro frowned, but let Dave go without a word. Not that he could really say much. He knew how much stress Dave was under, knew he could probably help in some ways that would matter a lot, but knowing there was no way to gauge how much longer he’d even be around to begin with, it made it hard to know when to try being close and when to push further away.

     Probably better to just keep things at arms length like they had been for a few years now, make it easier for them both. The last thing Bro wanted to do was become a source of weakness for Dave, after all.

     It was the least he’d be able to do.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - -

      The last face Dave expected to see on Monday was a familiar one. Amidst the chatter of his classmates filling the lecture hall, Dave spotted messy dark hair and shining blue eyes, black glasses with thick square lenses. When he spoke, when he grinned at someone, he saw the buck teeth that had finalized the squirm in his stomach on the weekend. It was still early enough in the semester that students were dropping and adding classes left and right, so it wasn’t unthinkable that there’d be another handful of new faces in the class for a while. The fact it was this one, though, was surprising. More surprising still was the eventual way the tall guy made his way towards the back, towards Dave’s table, and pointed at the seat beside him.

     “That open? Everyone else has their bags on their chairs, I guess they’re saving them for someone else,” he said.

     More like trying to deter randos from sitting beside them, Dave thought, realizing he’d forgotten to do the exact same thing. Whoops. Oh well, not the worst person in the world to want to sit beside him and listen to the professor prattle on up in front of the lecture hall.

     “Yeah, it’s open,” said Dave after a moment of processing that… shit this guy was pretty fucking cute up close. Sounded nice too, when he wasn’t high off adrenaline. He kicked his backpack further under the tabletop and glanced down at his laptop, making sure he wasn’t on anything embarrassing without realizing it. Nope, youtube and a flash game till the class started (and for during class if the guy went off topic and wouldn’t get back to the relevant things for class, as was this Professor’s apparent specialty).

     “My name’s John,” offered messy hair as he sat down. “What’s yours?”

     His name didn’t matter.

     “Dave,” he said, grinning a bit. “Nice to meet you, John.”

     “Oh man, you’re subscribed to them too?” he asked suddenly, pointing to the screen. “I’ve been watching their Lets Plays for years, it’s kinda amazing how much they break the games they play. And it’s neat to see two girls running a channel that big, normally it’s guys as far as the eye can see.”

     “Yeah? I feel ya,” Dave said, glancing to the screen again and clicking to pause. Rose was in the process of executing a risky near game breaking glitch that would speed them towards the ultimate weapon of the game, while Jade was explaining the process and the details, as well as the history of the game itself, and giving real life comparisons to the events and reality. He’d seen this episode at least a half dozen times, but the duo were charming as hell and really knew their shit. Cut throat and cut throat, and yet entertaining and casual. “Space Needle is kind of a weird name for a channel though. Isn’t that a landmark somewhere?”

     “I know, but have you heard Jade go on about space and technology before?”

     “Oh yeah, her science corner,” Dave mused. Shit, this guy really was a fan. ...Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad being distracted by him after all, they’d managed to break the ice without even a second thought.

     The professor had finally made his way into the classroom, however, and Dave nodded his direction to John, who hurriedly dug into his bag for his own laptop. Right, time to focus now. They could geek out later. Dave didn’t miss the Space Needle sticker on the back, along with an impressive amount of other insignia that Dave could only guess at. Dude seemed into pop culture to a wicked degree, there were even memes on display, up to date ones too.

     They were hard cut to focus though, finding it much more fun to whisper back and forth about their favorite episodes, their favorite quotes, in jokes and memes. John apparently had started watching fairly recently but was already die hard, and was living for Dave’s deeper lore on the channel. The whispering only stopped when the professor focused enough to catch them, calling for quiet in the back. They exchanged guilty smirks and went back to actually focusing, taking notes from the display and trying to decipher what would be most important from what was being said to note down as well.

     When the class ended, it was back to business as they packed up and headed out, deciding to hit the cafeteria for more conversation and a snack before they had to go their separate ways. Dave’s eventual regretful time to leave came all too soon after he’d finished some fries, and he was surprised  when John handed over not only his discord information, but his phone number on a scrap napkin. His handwriting was messy but clear, and on his way to his next destination Dave took care to gently set it into his bag for later.

     He’d gotten a cute guys details without even asking. Discord was one thing, but his phone number? Holy shit. The fact that it’d be difficult to remain casual with him was going to be the next task at hand, what with his duties and all, but Dave had confidence he’d manage it.

     He could handle saving the world. Of course he could handle a cute guy at the same time.

     Somehow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     Somehow seemed a lot further away when Dave was busy. A lot less possible. How could he juggle a friendship casually, much less with a really cute guy, while dealing with shit like this every other day? Another attack had laid low several people, with the creatures showing they could reproduce with enough of the inky substance on the ground. Someone had unleashed another flow of them, but this time they seemed prepared to fight back.

     They had sharp claws that cut at the fabric of Dave’s cape, and his usual speed didn’t seem enough for dealing with them with such a heavy weapon. He vaguely wished he had the skills to use a katana like Dirk or Bro properly, one handed and speedy as sound itself, but alas. His mantle was the royal deringer and no less. Fate seemed to think he could handle a broadsword, so a broadsword he was dealt.

     When a group of the imps managed to knock him over, sending him flying into the air and then skidding along the ground till he came to a halt, Dave knew he’d need to change tactics. Slowly getting up onto his scuffed white boots once more, Dave began to circle the creatures, biding his time and waiting till he could strike properly. They were mindless before, but this time they seemed to be working as a team, occasionally using each other as weapons or sending projectiles made of sludgy oil Dave’s direction. He’d dodge, dance backwards, flash step sideways to avoid. He needed to act quickly, though. It appeared as though there was potentially a way for them to combine themselves, to become even larger. Deadlier. Finally though, they left themselves open.

     Gritting his teeth, Dave felt the surge in his blood as the gears activated in the air behind him, flashing brightly as they turned. He flash stepped forwards and angled his blade, slicing clean through four in a go before flash stepping another direction and backstabbing another. He bounced about this way for a good thirty seconds of real time, dodging slightly slowed attacks and striking what he hoped were key points of these taller, more deadly imps. Grist showered the ground with the falling oil, a slow motion wave that only grew in intensity as he finally shouted and beheaded the final creature and came to a knee to catch his breath.

     His arms burnt, his back ached, and the ticking throb in his head only seemed to get more and more intense as the gears slowed and finally disappeared following his strife. He was coated in oil, and was thankful he didn’t need to worry about cleaning and detailing his weapon as he sent it back where it had come from, let alone cleaning himself or his uniform. He ran a hand through oily white hair and grimaced, looking at the fallen grist, the fallen people, and shook his head.

     A repeat attack so soon, escalating no less, meant that this foe wasn’t just another one and done mission. Something felt… wrong. Intensely wrong, really. Dave couldn’t put his finger on it, but his instincts were telling him to be wary of the situation.

     With the sound of sirens on the horizon, Dave bolted from the scene, taking to the building tops with some parkour and extreme jumps, flash stepping some distances and simply taking cover for others till he could return to the ground in a desolate area. Away went the magic, a gear appearing overhead and quickly whipping over him to the ground, returning him to his normal clothes.

     If only it could take away the fatigue, too.

     And the sense of loneliness that cropped up not long after as he was walking back to where he’d ditched his backpack originally tonight, passing by a gaggle of people out having fun, unaware of the danger that lurked around them. Unaware of just how great they had it, being able to go to the movies with friends whenever they wanted to instead of forever being on call.

     Would he be like that someday, somehow? Find a way to get peace for extended periods, or peace everlasting? Not eternally being on call? Or would he be like Bro, powerless and essentially alone, traumatized and waiting for his timer to tick down. ...No. He’d never be like Bro, probably. Bro had given everything up for him. It was his fault he was-

     A chirp from Dave’s phone alerted him that he was near his bag, and just in time to boot. He rummaged in the pocket to dig it out, and blinked at the screen.

     John. 

     That’s right… He had a friend now. ...Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. He actually smiled as he lit the screen up and tapped out a reply, shouldering his bag before heading home. It was more discussion of Space Needle, which was a welcome distraction from how Dave felt, and how his thoughts had begun turning.

ectoBiologist:  so like i was saying, i just heard about their next lets play and i’m freaking out a bit! turntechGodhead:  yeah?? whats planned ectoBiologist:  they’re going to cover SBURB! can you believe it?turntechGodhead:  sburb huh turntechGodhead:  seems their style i guess turntechGodhead:  didnt it get kinda mid reviews though ectoBiologist:  some people rated it sub par but i don’t care, i think it sounds great. ectoBiologist:  i don’t know what would be better, if it was a great game or if it was a spectacular piece of shit they can tear apart on screen. turntechGodhead:   think theyll stream any of it ectoBiologist:  oh shit i hope so!

     The banter carried Dave all the way home, up the familiar stairs, and into the apartment where he was surprised to smell food cooking. The room was warm from the stove and oven being on, catching Dave out of the conversation and into reality once more, freezing and lifting a brow.

     “Okay, what’s happenin’, you don’t cook.”

     Bro, sprawled out on the futon again with his long legs crossed, smirked from beneath the brim of his hat.

     “Excuse the fuck outta you, I do too. It’s just been a goddamn long time.”

     “Okay, you don’t cook for me though,” Dave clarified, setting his bag down.

     “Who said it’s for you?”

     “...”

     “I’m fuckin’ with you. There’s a casserole in the oven and some sides on the stove. Eat up.”

     “I need a shower first,” Dave said, remembering all too well the feeling of oil in his hair, oil hitting his face, the bittersweet smell of the inky sludge. After warning John he was going offline for a bit, Dave dropped his bag in his room and went to clean himself up. It’d be the first night in a long while he felt secure, comfortable, warm, clean, AND full all at once.

     There were worse ways to spend an evening than falling asleep on his phone after too much supper. Though, right then, Dave couldn’t really think of any. All he could think about was the cute boy on the other end of the discord handle, his favorite gamers prepping for a new title they could experience at the same time, and the lulling comfort of sleep seeping into his bones.

Overnight Gone Wrong (Colby Brock Imagine)

Okay, so I’d been toying with this idea for awhile and I finally just caved and decided to do it. I’m trying to be more active this break and get some stuff done for you guys! Sorry my schedule is *ahem* nonexistent but thank you for sticking with me! Anyway, my requests are still open for Sam, Colby, and Jake so you can send them in! Hope you guy enjoy!

——————————————————————————

“Whats up guys? It’s Colby and today, I’m doing something dangerous,” he announced with a spooky voice. “From my earlier video, I stayed in Sam’s apartment without him knowing, and it was a success, except for me getting out. THIS time, I have an escape route and all my supplies I need, except for snacks. I really have no good food in my house,” Colby remarked with a sigh. “Oh, and if you didn’t know, I’m going to be staying in my girlfriend’s apartment. I’m going to store my stuff in the closet and I’m going to start getting ready.”

Colby turned off the camera and then he loaded his stuff into his car and started the drive to your place. He had a key to get in and he was able to stash his stuff in your closet. He checked his phone and saw that it was close to the time that you would be getting home. He quickly threw himself in the closet and shut the door, moments before you opened the front door. He knew that you didn’t have too many plans tonight because he had checked in advance.

You walked in and you set your stuff down near the door. You liked your job, but you were really tired and wanted to go home. You went first to your room to change into some comfy clothes and then you came back down to the kitchen. You checked the time and it was 5:45, so you decided that you were going to start dinner. You could’ve ordered food in, but you decided to be spontaneous and cook.

It took everything Colby had in him to night chuckle when you started humming your “cooking song.” Sometimes, when you cooked, you would start to hum this random tune and it always made Colby smile.

While you were cooking, you decided that you would FaceTime your best friend, Kat. She didn’t have anything going on that night and you wanted someone to talk to. You would’ve called Colby, but he said that he was going to be doing something with Jake tonight and you didn’t want to bother him and interrupt his “bro time.”

Kat answered after two rings.

“Wassup, girlfriend!” Kat shouted when the call connected.

“Wassup,” you chuckled back. “On today’s episode of (Y/N)’s Kitchen, we are making pasta!” you announced to her. She laughed and then you guys talked about your days.

“Where’s Colby?” Kat asked when you guys had a quiet moment.

“He’s out with Jake,” you sighed. Kat snickered and you looked at her and waited for her to explain.

“You guys are just so cute and you missing him is adorable,” she answered. A slight blush rose to your cheeks as you started thinking about your boyfriend.

“He’s just so sweet,” you started, and Kat hummed as she waited for more details. “Like just the other day, he bought me flowers for no reason. Just said that he was thinking about me. He writes me little notes on the mirror while I’m taking a shower about how he loves me or that he finds me beautiful. When he takes me out, he always makes me feel so special. He just makes me feel so...” you trailed off, trying to find the word, “whole.”

Colby wanted to jump out of the closet and hug you right there. He wanted to wrap his arms around you and kiss you all over. But he forced himself to stay in the closet. He wanted to finish what he started.

Your timer went off and you saw that your food was done. You showed Kat and then you said your goodbyes before you hung up. You got your food and you tried to make it look super fancy. When it looked somewhat satisfactory, you took a picture and you started eating. You sent the picture to Colby.

“Missing you! Maybe I’ll save some for you when you come over tomorrow, considering you’ll probably be eating something you found on the side of the road for dinner...”

Colby opened his phone and smirked. Luckily, he had turned his ringer off before hand.

“I miss you too. And that looks delicious,” he replied.

You chuckled to yourself and then sighed.

“See you tomorrow. Be safe and I love you!” you sent. Colby smiled at your message.

“I love you too.”

You closed your phone and then started to eat your pasta and to be honest, it was pretty good. If only you had thought to make garlic bread to go with it.

When you finished, you packed up your leftovers, putting a sticky note saying “For Colby” before you put it in the fridge. You then grabbed your speaker and decided to jam out.

Colby couldn’t help but chuckle while he was hiding out. Typically, he thought your singing was actually pretty good, no matter how much you insisted it was bad. But this was a different type of singing. This was your I-don’t-care-who’s-listening type of singing and it made him smile. He could just picture you doing your dance moves while you rocked out to your music.

After you listened to your music, you decided to shower. When you got out, you went to your living room and you surfed through Netflix, trying to find something to watch. You finally found something that looked interesting to you, so you snuggled up in a blanket and clicked play.

Colby, luckily, had prepared for this situation so he found his earbuds and started watching Netflix on his phone. He wasn’t too worried about battery percentage, considering he had a portable charger.

Somehow, you had drifted away into the timeless vortex of binge watching, so when you checked your phone for the time, it was around 12:30. You had gotten up earlier than usual for work that day and you were pretty tired. You gathered your things and went to your room. After you were ready to go to sleep, you texted Colby to stay safe and that you were heading to bed with tons of hearts and kisses. He had grinned when he received it and sent you a goodnight text as well with almost double the amount of hearts and kisses. You had a warm smile on your face when you plugged up your phone and closed your eyes to sleep.

Colby waited about 15 minutes before he stood up in the closet and stretched. He was preparing himself to go out. Almonds really were terrible snacks and that food you had been cooking earlier smelled absolutely delicious.

Carefully, Colby cracked opened the door and listened for any sounds of movement. Sometimes, it took you awhile to settle down to sleep. Colby confirmed that there were no sounds and quietly, he stepped out into the hall. He walked and cringed at the sounds of his feet on the hard wood. He didn’t think that you would hear it, so he proceeded with caution into the kitchen, camera in hand.

When he arrived at his destination, he set the camera down on the counter and gripped the handle on the refrigerator. He made faces at the camera as he pulled open the door and it made some noise. He found the leftovers he was looking for and set them on the counter near the camera. The bag opened with a small popping noise and he looked around and listened for footsteps. Nothing happened, so he dished out the food, closed the bag, and as gently as possible, closed the refrigerator door. Colby opened the microwave and cursed at the loud noise it made when he closed it. The number buttons beeped terribly loud and Colby froze. Still, you were asleep. He turned it on and the microwave whirred to life, heating up the food.

It was the buzzing of the microwave that woke you up. The rhythmic hum was enough to stir you out of your sleep. With wide eyes, you sat up in your bed and looked around. Quietly, you got up and walked out your door and down the stairs. Someone was there, in the dark, with their back turned to you. You crept close to the counter and grabbed the first thing you could find, which happened to be a rolling pin. This surprised you, because you had no clue that you even owned a rolling pin.

You tiptoed closer to the figure and just when you got close enough, they started to turn around. As they turned, you rated back and swung as hard as you could and hit the person in the side with your pin.

“OW!” the person screamed. You went to swing again but you paused. You knew that scream.

“Colby?” you asked incredulously. You went over to your wall and flipped the switch. Colby was standing near the microwave, clutching his side. Your hands flew to your face as you rushed over to your boyfriend. “Oh my gosh I’m so sorry are you okay?”

Colby started laughing and then wincing when it hurt.

“What’s so funny?” you asked as you examined his side.

“You attacked me with a rolling pin,” he started laughing.

“Why were you even here?”

“Remember that thing I did to Sam when I stayed in his apartment without him knowing?” You nodded and he continued. “I was trying to do it to you. I don’t know how you didn’t wake up earlier because I was being so loud.”

“You really are an idiot, Brock,” you said and kissed his cheek.

“Now that you’ve injured me, can I maybe sleep in your room instead of the hall closet?” he asked and looked at the floor.

“Of course you can. Now I’ve got to cuddle my baby back to health,” you said with a smile. You grabbed his hand and tugged him up to your room. Before you got to it, you stopped and ran back to the kitchen, grabbing the rolling pin. When you got back, Colby quirked an eyebrow at you.

“What? It’s a good weapon against criminals that break in to microwave leftover pasta,” you said with a smirk. Colby just shook his head at you before crawling in the bed and opening his arms for you. You crawled in next to him and snuggled in close to him. He kissed the top of your head before whispering something to you.

“Just so you know, I heard what you told Kat earlier, and I love you so much and I just wanted to remind you how amazing you are.”

You smiled against him before getting even closer to him.

“You’re even more amazing but thank you for the reminders they are greatly appreciated.”

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” you responded before you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep.

———

Taglist:

@sp00kybrock @yikes-xander @daddydobrock @trapbrock-local @thenameisbabe @far-to-many-bands @lyssaholic @wacky-webber-458 @colbysbaby @katiaw2 @brocks-girl @chesterbenningtonaremylife

We Have Not Touched The Stars Nor Are We Forgiven (aka The One Where Ishimaru Jacks Off With Oowada Butter)

( ‘́⌣’̀) Ao3 (˘̩̩ε˘̩ƪ)

Summary: Ishimaru Kiyotaka handles grief and love the best way he knows how, poorly.

Author Comments: Just gonna come out and say it, this is a darkfic lol. If you’re not in to that, then you may wanna skip this one. This fic is also r-18 so younuns please come back later! 

Reblog if you like what I write and check out my Ao3 ㋛

SPOILERS FOR DANGANROMPA TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC  ***

“Wh-whoops...I slipped...Sorry, man.” 

“Sorry, man.” Was all the Biker could muster, gazing away from Kiyotaka and his remaining classmates. Though his face was veiled by his unkempt pompadour, tears crept down his visage and dripped from his chin, making their presence known to everyone. 

Ishimaru Kiyotaka didn’t remember who he voted for instead of Mondo, it wasn’t a conscious election. It could have been Byakuya, Hifumi, Yasuhiro, Aoi, Celestia, dead Chihiro, Touko the harbourer of a blade-wielding maniac, or Makoto, who shot down every last one of his feeble rebuttals, just anyone, anything but his Aniki. Kiyotaka’s final bid to save Oowada Mondo was predictably trivial. No one listened to him because no one loved like him. That had to be it, none of his classmates had a bro they made a promise too. That’s how they could be so blind and imperturbable. So wrong. It was all wrong.

The bilious cackling of the mechanical ursine wrang in Kiyotaka’s ears “Pupupupupu! Punishment time!” it squawked with excitement that mocked the mournful courtroom. 

 Kiyotaka staggered forward, towards a detached Mondo who wouldn’t meet his tear-drowned eyes. The Ultimate Moral Compas didn’t get very far before Sakura swiftly encapsulated him in a bear hug. He watched the boy, the bear, and the bike pull off in the direction of an enormous metal cage embezzled with wooden tiger cut-outs.  

Gunk from his nose stained his quivering lips as he cried out “Wait! I’m asking you to just wait, please!” Kiyotaka spurted in place, hopelessly retrained by the Ultimate Fighter. 

Sakura tightened her grip “You fool! Do you want to be dragged off as well?” she snapped but her usually husky and authoritative voice was brittle. 

Kiyotaka clawed unprofitably at Sakura’s thick, brown, arms. If he could just break free he would fly ahead and save his innocent best friend. But he was not strong enough. “Why won’t you wait!? I’m begging you to listen to me!” 

Sakura groaned and hung her head, and at that moment Kiyotaka felt dampness against his hair.

The execution couldn’t have been more than a minute. Sakura attempted to shift her arms in a way that allowed her to cover Kiyotaka’s eyes but he would not allow it. He watched, sangria eyes bulging, as the tiger-adorned contraption began to spin Mondo around and around. Even from a safe distance, he could see, take in Aniki’s face, first stained with regret and then completely deformed by consternation as the machine gathered unbelievable speed. Kiyotaka witnessed the moment Aniki’s neck snapped from whiplash and he was beyond anything he could’ve done to save him. Seconds later the man Kiyotaka loved was a jet-black blemish on the cage’s steel tracks and the bitter scent of smoke bombarded his nostrils. It was over. Or so he thought.

 There was a sharp ting akin to an old fashioned microwave and the machine expelled something that resembled a pint of yoghurt. The cream coloured container slid across the checkered linoleum and landed at Fukawa Touko’s feet. The haggard girl did her best impression of a cat vomiting and stumbled backwards into Asahina Aoi who reacted with a high-pitched yelp once she saw what had spooked Touko.

“W-what is that!?” stammered the tanned swimmer, covering her mouth with a quivering palm.”

“Haa...Haa...Consider it a souvenir for Captain Morals over there, pupupupupu!” Monukuma replied between pants, he was exhausted from his impromptu hula-hoop routine. 

Sakura released Kiyotaka and he clambered over to the two girls, hastily despite his legs feeling like lead. The boy fell to his knees, snatching up the container. He stared blankly at the lid and stern, smokey eyes stared back at him. It was Aniki. By then a few other classmates had gathered around him, anxious to see what was causing such a commotion. 

Naegi Makoto leered over Kiyotaka’s shoulders and read the pint’s label aloud. “‘Oowada Butter’..? What the hell, Monokuma, that’s too horrible! You can’t just turn our friend into...butter!” 

“Pupupupu, Oh but I can! And I have a feeling something beary interesting is going to happen tonight!”  The bear vanished, marking the end of the trial.

 Students filed into the crimson elevator, some looking rather ill, all completely silent. Kiyotaka felt a large hand on his shoulder and glanced skyward at the tower of a woman before him. 

“Come now, friend, we do not want to miss the elevator,” Sakura said, regarding him kindly. On her other arm, Aoi clung for dear life. “We will walk you back to your room.”

He allowed Sakura to drag him from the courtroom.

***

They sullen group strolled wordlessly for what felt like aeons to Kiyotaka and arrived outside his room a few minutes before 10 pm. 

Sakura’s low voice cut the thick silence, “Would you like Asahina and I to stay over tonight?”

“No. That would be improper.”

“It’s fine, really,” Aoi chimed, “Ogami-chan and I have had plenty of sleepovers when I need someone!” 

If this were any other evening Kiyotaka would’ve delivered a choice lecture onto Asahina Aoi and her muscular...cohort, but tonight he said nothing. Without replying he reached for his door, but a hand on his shoulder froze his motion.

“Wait, Ishimaru.” Sakura addressed him firmly, but there was an underlying softness and compassion in her voice. “What do plan to do with that?” 

He knew immediately what she was referring to. He tightened his grip on the container. “I am going to keep it.”

“Whoa, are you sure? Just because that bear didn’t mess with the doughnuts or any of our other food doesn’t mean he didn’t poison that butter!” Aoi exclaimed, bringing a hand to her ample chest. 

Kiyotaka clenched his teeth. “I’m not going to eat it!” He trudged into his room slamming the door behind them before either girl could interject with anything else. 

He did not turn on the lights, opting instead to stand in the doorway of his black room for a while. Aoi and Sakura were likely calling out to him from behind the door, but the soundproof walls helped him blot the concerned pair from his mind. He hated Ogami Sakura and Asahina Aoi. He hated all of his classmates who had allowed Aniki to die. He hated Monokuma. He hated Fujisaki Chihiro because she was with Aniki and he wasn’t. He hated so much that his head spun. Monokuma’s nightly announcement aired and ended with Kiyotaka paying no mind to it. Eventually, he shuffled towards his bed, took a weary seat, and set the Oowada Butter on the adjacent drawer. He undressed to his briefs, socks and undershirt, in the dark, leaving his uniform to rest atop his boots on the floor. He knew it would wrinkle this way. He paid it no mind tonight. He swung his leg on to the bed, one at a time, mechanically, and let himself collapse. Laying there, Kiyotaka felt oddly restive. This was his typical bedtime, but his racing mind refused to align with his exhausted body, sleep would not grant him escape from this nightmare. He wanted desperately to will himself unconscious but every time he shut his eyes he saw Mondo’s neck snap. Again and again and again and again and-

The teen bolted upright and urgently switched on the bedside lamp. To his relief, he discovered the butter was right where he left it. He snatched up the container, taking the time to thoroughly examine it in the dim lamplight, reading all labels aloud in a shaky murmur. “Oowada Butter...Yankee Bread...Mondo...Two times the fat...80 kilograms...Keep refrigerated.” He gingerly turned the container on its side and read through the serving size, caloric total, nutritional facts, making his way to the ingredient summary, 

“Ingredients:...despair...cream...natural Oowada flavouring...salt...contains milk.”

The final warning text in bold stuck out to Kiyotaka. ‘Aniki doesn’t have any milk..?’ A feathery tingle engulfed his half-naked body and he chuckled joylessly at the thought for reasons he was unsure of. He lay back down, holding the container close.

“Aniki,” he addressed his best friend’s face on the plastic lid, “you’re not really gone, are you..?”  Then he peeled back the plastic lid to gaze upon the thick, cornsilk coloured expanse. 

‘Just because that bear didn’t mess with the doughnuts or any of our other food doesn’t mean he didn’t poison that butter!’ 

- He pushed Aoi’s voice to the back of his brain until it was completely muffled as if she were speaking from underwater. 

The lid was off and placed beside him, Mondo side up. He breathed anxiously, excitedly as he ran his right index finger through the butter, collecting a fair amount of it on the length.

‘Whoa, are you sure? Just because that bear didn’t mess with-’

Kiyotaka shoved his butter covered finger between his lips and into his mouth. His bright eyes widened the second it met his taste buds. Never in his life had he tasted something so rich and creamy and salty. Never in his life had he tasted Oowada Mondo. He sucked his finger clean in one greedy slurp. 

“Aniki…” He breathed the title, plaintively, “you’re not really gone, are you…?” 

This time he collected a large amount with two unsteady fingers and inserted them deliberately into his hungry mouth. Carefully he slid the fingers in and out, savouring the unique flavour until his fingers were clean. He swallowed, then repeated this a second time, and a third time. But by the third time he began to experience a strong foreign sensation. His body grew hot and restless, and his heart throbbed and tumbled in his chest. Kiyotaka was vaguely familiar with the concept of lust and arousal but had never given in to those sort of thoughts. He was the Ultimate Public Morales Committee Member, and it would be unbecoming of him. So he’d push the rare moments of desire to the back of his mind and drown it with push-ups and Tai-chi, and homework and lectures. But never had he encountered want and need so agonising. And never had he felt so hopeless. 

Kiyotaka groaned and whispered with his mouth full “Ahhhh, Aniki...What do I do, Aniki?”

With little thought, almost automatically, he scooped a small handful of butter with his left hand, slipped it into his tank top and slid a cold, buttered palm up the front of his chest until he found a nipple. He expelled several short and fast breathes as he encircled the sensitive thing with the heel of his palm then suddenly pinched it.

“Shit!” Kiyotaka hissed, nearly biting down on his own fingers. 

He wasn’t sure why he did that, it wasn’t something he’d ever thought to have done to himself. Regardless, the flustered boy yearned for more of this intense contact. Whatever had come over him, he craved more. By now the container was about half of its original contents. With both hands, he seized more of the decadent treat and began to feed his carnal hunger. His left palm slid smoothly up his chest to tend to his neglected right nipple all while three fingers on his right hand made love to his mouth, vigorously sliding in and out, overwhelming him with the taste of cream and saline. He resented the rest of his hand for not fitting into his mouth and preventing him to slide his three fingers further back, allowing him to gag on his Aniki. Kiyotaka relished in Aniki’s thickness and flavour, his toes curled and he crossed his legs, attempting to quench the new throbbing between his thighs. It wasn’t enough. He found his slick right hand had fallen from his mouth and was collecting a copious amount of butter, leaving it near depleted. His eyes grew wet as he pushed aside the cloth flap of his briefs and freed his arousal. Panting frantically he gripped the base of his shaft and slid up and down, meticulously spreading Aniki down this full erect length until slick with softened butter. More butter was collected with three fingers from his left hand and those fingers were subsequently thrust into his mouth. He drove his hips forward into his hand in hurried, desperate movements. Feeling Aniki. Tasting Aniki. Right now there was nobody else, just him and Aniki as one, for eternity. Without warning, Kiyotaka’s entire body clenched and he felt so light in the head that he wondered if he were floating above his sweat-drenched sheets. 

“What’s...hah...pening?” he sputtered between hastening breaths.

 His eyes fluttered shut and for a moment he saw The Ultimate Biker Gang Leader shrouded in a curious, artificial green light, leering at him with those cold grey jewels for eyes. Oowada Mondo’s thin brows were knit in characteristic assurance and his lips were curled into a slight smirk. 

“Aniki…” The title of the man he loved dribbled from his lips as he came in long, pearl coloured spurts. 

The Ultimate Moral Compass lay there in the aftermath of his ecstasy, stained in sweat, butter and semen, finally able to catch his breath. He reached into the container once more, only for his soiled fingers to be met with plastic. Emptiness. Kiyotaka beamed in spite of the rivers that flowed from his sangria pools. 

He rolled over to face the lid that bore Oowada Mondo’s image and spoke to it. “There’s nothing they can do now, Aniki. We really will be together forever. I promise.”

And right then there really was no one else in the world but The Ultimate Public Morals Committee Member, his Aniki, and the girl who watched him through the surveillance camera in his bedroom.

Aigoromo (Fishwoman) Lemon

Rating: Explicit Relationship: Male Human/Fishwoman Additional Tags: Exophilia, Fishwoman, Male Reader, Reader Insert, Sex, Fish Lady Content Warnings: Eggs, Babies, Broken Leg, Tornado Words: 3881

A commission for @redgunnit ! After a man breaks his leg and loses his house and job after a tornado rips through his town, he calls upon his brother for help. His brother lives on an island supposedly protected by a water spirit, whom the reader meets shortly after arriving. Please reblog and leave feedback!

The Traveler's Masterlist

A surprise, unprecedented tornado had ripped through your town, taking most of the homes and businesses with it. Your own house, ten years worth of work and saving, was demolished in a matter of moments. Now, with a broken shin bone and without either a home or a job, since the factory you worked for was also crushed, you sought out help from your brother.

After sitting in a hospital bed and crying for a while, you called your brother, who lived with his wife and kids on an island called Farway. Within hours of getting out of the hospital, you were on a plane out to the island with nothing but a small bag of personal items you managed to salvage and whatever money was in your savings.

The only way to get to the island was by ferry from the mainland, so your plane landed at the airport in a city west of the coastal town where the ferry was located. You took a cab from the airport straight to the ferry. Luckily, you got there just in time to catch the last ride of the day.

You sat on the deck of the ferry, stretching your injured leg out with a tight grip on the bag that had what was left of your worldly possessions. You stared at the sky as the sun was setting, a deep, deep exhaustion in your bones. Half of the sky was a grey-blue and the other half was blood red, which seemed appropriate for your mood. If you weren’t completely numb, you were just… angry. Angry that you’re entire adult life’s work lay in ruins in a town you never wanted to see again. For the first time in a long time, you had no plan, no future, no prospects. Nothing but the clothes on your back and the kindness of family.

Your brother, Caleb, was there to meet you when you got off the ferry, and after a brief, tight hug that conveyed a bevy of emotions, he picked up your bag and helped you to his car.

“I’m so glad you didn’t get more badly hurt,” He was saying as he drove you to his home. “We watched the news about it. We heard people died, and I was scared to death when I couldn’t reach your cell.”

“Yeah, it was destroyed,” You replied. “I’m going to have to replace it while I’m here.”

“You had insurance on the house, right? Are they going to pay out?”

“I don’t know,” You said. “Our town has never had a tornado go through it, so I don’t even know if I have coverage for that.” You sighed and rubbed your aching head. “I’ll call tomorrow.”

“Maybe you should just rest for a few days first, bro,” Caleb remarked, looking at you in concern. “You look beat.”

“Maybe you’re right,” You said, reclining and putting an arm over your eyes. “I’m… I’m… I don’t even have the words to describe how I feel right now. This has been the worst day of my life.”

“I know, bud,” He said with sympathy. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure this out. In the meantime, you’re welcome to stay with us as long as you like.”

“Becca won’t mind?” You asked. Becca, Caleb’s wife, didn’t have the highest opinion of you. You sort of made a bad impression on her when you first met, and it’s colored every interaction the two of you had since then.

“She’s agreed, too. Whatever she thinks of you, you’re still family in need. I love my wife, but you’re my brother. I’m always here for you.”

You clap a hand to his shoulder. “Thanks, man.”

He nodded. “No worries. The space above the garage is empty, so you can have free use of it. There’s already a fold-up cot in there, but we can get you a real bed.”

“Nah, the cot will be fine. I don’t plan on living up there long.”

“Suit yourself. Hungry?”

“If I wasn’t so tired, yeah, but right now, I want to sleep for three days.”

“Gotcha. We’re almost there.”

Caleb had moved to this island three years ago, but you’d never actually visited it. If you hadn’t been half asleep and in a considerable amount of pain, you’d have noticed what a beautiful town it actually was. Most of the buildings were painting pleasing shades of blues, greens, reds, and whites. The streets were symmetrical, even, and clean. Beautiful cast iron streetlamps lined the roads and the sidewalks were cobblestone. The buildings somehow looked decades old and brand new at the same time.

Caleb made a quick stop at the drugstore to drop off your prescription for painkillers and picked up some over the counter stuff, then a short drive brought you to his house. It was a two story Victorian style place with a detached garage, the space above which had an outside set of stairs. Oh, fuck, that would be an obstacle with your leg, but you’d figure it out. The house was blue and white and had a short pier on the water down the hill behind a fence in the backyard.

Thankfully, the boys, Jake and Jack, were already in bed for the night. You loved your nephews, but they were five and a lot to handle all at once if you weren’t ready for them.

Becca greeted you when you came in.

“Hey, hon,” She said, giving you an uncharacteristically friendly hug. “How you holding up?”

“I’m alive, but that’s about it,” You said, your voice rough with exhaustion.

“I bet,” She said with a sad smile. “The cot’s all set up for you. Do you need anything.”

“No, but thanks, Becca. I appreciate you guys putting me up until I figure out what to do,” You told her.

“Think nothing of it,” She said.

“Do you need help getting up to the apartment?” Caleb asked.

“No, I can make it if I’m careful,” You said. “I’m lucky it wasn’t my femur, so I can still bend my knee, otherwise I’d be sleeping on the porch. I think I’m going to lay down, though. It’s been a hell of a day.”

Your brother patted your back and you made your way back outside. Climbing the stairs was arduous, but eventually you made it up into the apartment. It was sparse; there was a cot, a small bathroom with a shower, and a sink and counter with a microwave on it. It reminded you of your college dorm, strangely enough, and you felt comfortable in it immediately.

Falling face-first onto the bed, you were asleep within seconds.

The next morning, you awoke and had breakfast with the family. Your nephews were nothing short of ecstatic to see you, though they were confused by your sudden appearance. You tried to explain the destruction of your life and livelihood to them in terms five-year-olds could understand.

“So now my house is broken and can’t be fixed,” You told them. “It’s just bad luck.”

“You should go talk to the fish lady then!” Jake said emphatically. His twin nodded so hard, you thought he might get whiplash.

Your head rocked back and and an amused smile formed on your face. “Fish lady?”

“Yeah-huh,” Jake said. “I saw her out in the bay. She waved at me. She’s good luck.”

“I see,” You said, and then looked to your brother for an explanation. He snickered.

“It’s a local legend,” He said. “Aigoromo the water spirit. It’s supposedly why this island has such an ideal climate. It rains when it needs to rain, it’s sunny when it needs to be sunny. There’s never huge, crushing waves or bad currents. There’s always fish, year round. It’s like this island is the only place on earth that has perfect weather all the time.”

“I should have bought my house here, then,” You grumbled bitterly.

“Sorry,” Caleb said, wincing. “I didn’t mean to rub it in.”

“No, man, don’t listen to me. I’m just being salty,” You assured him. You turned to your nephews. “So how do I get good luck from the fish lady?”

“You gotta make her like you,” Jack said. “When we saw her, we threw flowers in the water.”

“Nuh-uh!” Jake protested. “We were feeding the ducks!”

“You were feeding the ducks! I was throwing flowers!”

“Flowers are stupid! She liked that I was feeding the ducks more!”

“Nuh-uh!”

“Boys, that’s enough,” Becca said.

“So to get her to like me so that I can get my luck back, I give her flowers and/or feed ducks?” You asked with an indulgent smile. The boys nodded their head at the same time. “Well, I guess I’ll have to try that, then.”

Caleb laughed and shook his head and Becca herded the kids upstairs for their baths.

Later that night, you were having difficulty sleeping. The pain-killers that you’d picked up that day helped dull the sharp pain in your lower leg, but it made you feel itchy and extremely restless. You fought your way down the staircase, into the backyard and went to sit on the pier, stretching out your leg.

You looked out over the water, sort of mulling over your recent bad luck. It was pretty here, with the moon rising over the bay. Looking down, you noticed a little stack of flowers, nothing fancy, just wild daisies and dandelions. Sniffing a laugh out of your nose, you picked the little bundle up and laid them in your lap, picking up one of the daisies and just plucking the petals off and blowing them out in the water, honestly for something to do that wasn’t just sitting there, feeling uncomfortable and anxious about your future.

You heard a splash in the distance that caught your attention. It was dark, but the moon was out and over the water. After a minute of squinting, you didn’t see anything, and you relaxed.

Until you looked down into the water at the edge of the dock and saw wide eyes looking back at you.

Your leg prevented you from scuttling back on the pier like a startled crab, so you were frozen in place as the eyes rose up out of the water and stared at you. The eyes were set into a face that was light blue with purple contours, orange stripes, and no nose. There were large frilly gills around its neck that were thin and membranous. It swam closer and placed it’s webbed hands on the pier, staring at you curiously.

“Holy shit…” You whispered, not sure what you should do. It’s mouth was open, and you could see teeth, but they were like ridges, one on the bottom and two on the top with a gap between them. It chittered at you, as if expecting something. Looking around you, you saw the flowers still in your lap. Unable to think of anything else to do, you scooped them up and handed them to the creature carefully, concerned it would bite you or attack with the claws on its hands.

It reached out and took the flowers, and as your fingers grazed its hand, you were suddenly flooded with emotions and thoughts that didn’t belong to you. It left you reeling and dizzy, and by the time your head stopped swirling, the creature had disappeared.

Your heart was racing and you stared out over the water, expecting to see it again, but you didn’t. You stayed out there for two hours, but it didn’t return.

Your leg wasn’t hurting anymore and the itchiness had subsided, so you decided to try and go back inside and sleep, hoping when you woke up, this would have just been a dream.

You did dream, in fact, about underwater worlds and strange creatures similar to the one you’d seen, slowly fading away, until there was only one left, and you awoke feeling an intense sensation of loneliness that you couldn’t explain.

For the rest of the day, you were distant and unfocused. Your brother blamed it on the pain-medication, but you actually hadn’t taken any since the day before. The sharp pain that was in your leg had faded to a dull ache.

Around dinnertime, you got a call from your attorney:

“Good news,” He said. “They’re going to pay out your insurance.”

“You’re kidding me!” You exclaimed, overjoyed. “You said it could take months to get an answer, and even then, they might not pay out!”

“Well, it looks like it’s your lucky day,” He said with a smile in his voice.

Lucky, huh? “Yeah, I guess so,” You said.

That day, you made a special trip to the florist under the guise of buying Becca some flowers to thank her for being hospitable, which was partially true, but you also bought a bouquet for the creature in the bay. You wondered if it ate them, or just liked the look of them. Either way, you chose flowers that were both pretty and edible and hid them in your apartment above the garage.

After presenting the bouquet to Becca and taking the family out to celebrate, you told them all that you were exhausted and retired to the apartment, but in reality, you felt anxious and impatient, wanting to test how far this “good luck” was going to get you.

Caleb and his family finally went to bed around eleven that night, and you hobbled your way down the steps of the apartment with far more ease than the night before. You had the bouquet in your hand and sat carefully arranged your legs on the pier into a comfortable position, waiting.

An hour passed, and there was no sign of it. You took out one of the flowers, an orange nasturtium, and flung it out into the water. One by one, you took a flower from the bouquet and tossed it into the waters of the bay.

Then, it appeared in the distance. Your heart jumped up in your throat as it came closer. You still had a number of flowers left, but you wanted it to stay for a while. You wanted to try and communicate with it. As it came closer, you scooted back a little and took out a peony, holding it out. You were enough of a distance away that it would have to come up on the pier to get it.

It trilled, reaching out for the flower, but you motioned for it to come up on the pier.

“Come on,” You coaxed. “It’s okay. I won’t hurt you.”

It was hard to gauge its facial expressions, but you thought it might be confused.

“Can you understand me?” You asked slowly, but the look of confusion remained. You sighed and scooted closer, holding out your hand. “You communicate in a different way than me, don’t you?” You asked.

The creature seemed to make a decision, and pulled itself up to sit on the pier. Oh. Well, now you knew it was female. She was muscular and had no breasts, but there was very clearly… lady parts… between her legs. She had blue scales with orange ridges and frills like the ones around her neck flowing around her waist, as well. There were also patches of white scales around her belly and shoulders.

You held out the flower, but she knocked it away and took your hand. Suddenly, you saw yourself, saying the words, “Can you understand me?” but it was harsh and garbled and sounded like an animal attempting to speak. You could barely make out what it was supposed to sound like and only had the flower in your hand as a context clue.

Then, you saw a world underwater, and the sounds of other creatures communicating with each other, the words like a song. You couldn’t understand what was being said, but you felt the emotions through the creature.

“I see…” You whispered.

The creature tilted its head, and you felt a question come from it and flow into you. It wasn’t words, not exactly, but you understood the gist of it. Who are you? Why are you here?

In your head, you ran through the memories of your house, how hard you’d worked to buy it and how it had been destroyed in a matter of minutes, leaving you injured and homeless.

She felt your sorrow and absorbed it. In return, she flooded you with comfort and ease, showing you beautiful light and waving fronds, giving you the feeling of a gentle wave, like rocking a child to sleep. Peaceful.

You were lost in the flood of sensations and emotions she poured into you, and by the time you came back to awareness, dawn was breaking. Surprised by the sun on the horizon, you looked at her and smiled in thanks, trying to convey it wordlessly while the two of you were still connected.

Several weeks passed, and she came to visit you every night. During this time, your leg healed twice as quickly as it should have, the insurance company paid out nearly half a million dollars, and you’d taken a job with the butcher in town near the florist. A house by the wharf came up for sale, meaning you could buy it and move there. It even had an enclosed boat dock attached to it so that Aigoromo, which you’d taken to calling her since she couldn’t tell you her name even if she had one, could come and visit you without being seen.

Aigoromo was a constant presence since the day she revealed herself to you. Even during the day, if you looked out at the water, you could see her now and then, just watching you go about your day, and you would smile at her, feeling warm and tranquil. She would smile back and disappear under the water.

When you got the key to your house, she came to visit you the same day, coming up out of the water inside the boat dock. She seemed anxious about something.

You reached for her hand. What’s wrong?

She filled your mind with a flurry of images. It was hard to sort them all out, but you saw one picture very clearly: eggs. You suddenly understood. It was mating season, and she had no one to mate with.

She had shown you a while ago that most of her kind had either left this region when humans began to settle here, or died off when the humans began to over fish, before laws were put in place to stop those practices. As such, she had been alone here for many years.

You were sympathetic, but you didn’t know how to help. What can I do?

She took your hand and pressed it to her cold slit and trilled at you, spreading her legs and laying down on the wet wood of the dock, the frills around her entrance waving like the fingers of an anemone.

Your heart began to race and you looked at her in alarm. It’s true, sharing your emotions and memories with her had made you feel very close to her, and you felt a great affection for her, but… could you do this? More to the point, did you want to?

Aigoromo seemed to sense your uncertainty and took your hand, flooding your mind with an emotion: love. It was stronger than saying it out loud could ever have been; you really felt it in a way you never had from anyone else. It warmed the body and eased the soul.

“I didn’t realize…” You said, softly, knowing that talking too loud was grating to her ears. You tried to convey it silently, and she nodded in understanding. In your minds eye, you showed her a picture of people kissing followed by a questioning feeling. She rose up and pressed her lips to yours. This was a good start.

You began to remove your clothing, and she watched with interest. She’d communicated that she didn’t understand the purpose of clothing, and you tried to help her understand that humans didn’t deal well with cold and, well, there were laws. She understood the cold part, but not the law part.

After you had disrobed, she looked at your body curiously, using her hands to explore. She seemed mighty interested in how your length throbbed and grew as she touched it. She spent some time enthralled in how your body reacted to her touch, and you couldn’t help but groan in pleasure. She looked up and chirruped questioningly. Since she was touching you, you were able to convey wordlessly that it felt good, so she continued.

She lay back again, and you climbed over her, kissing up her body. You could feel it from her perspective and could perceive how she was feeling as you did it. She liked it. A lot.

It was a little strange, as she had no breasts to lavish attention on, but you made up for it by just touching her, which she seemed perfectly happy with.

As you moved to meet her lips, the tip of your cock touched the frond-like frills of her opening, and they seemed to guide you inside, creating an incredible suction around you that was mind-blowing, and you gasped. She trilled in response, feeling what you felt.

You began to move, pressing your warm body close to her cool one, kissing her neck and caressing the frills around her head. She clawed at your back, which drew blood, but didn’t hurt and seemed to heal immediately, heightening the sensation.

Your pace quickened, and she gurgled in response. The shared pleasure between the two of you made the experience unlike anything you’d ever felt before and you were bathing in it, drowning. You raised up on your knees, grasping her waist and thrusting hard, your body slapping wetly against hers, and she looked at you with her huge orange eyes, drawing her claws down your chest.

She was squeezing tightly from inside, and you could feel a ripple as she began to crash into the wave of ecstasy. You came at the same time, releasing deep into her and moaning over and over again.

You spent weeks with her during her mating period, making love over and over. Most people assumed you were taking the time to put up your house, but in reality, the house was still bare inside. Soon, mating season ended, but she still came to see you, to share her experiences and converse with you in the only way she could. You’d go swimming with her sometimes, and you had to admit, you’d never been happier.

A year passed. A new legend had popped up among the townspeople, one that said the water spirit had found her mate, and that there were now little Aigoromos living in the bay. People swore they had seen little heads the size of small children bobbing out of the water, only to disappear when people called out to them.

When you heard these stories, you’d smile and laugh. Then you’d buy a bouquet of flowers and head to your boathouse to make tiny crowns for your little visitors, due to come with their mother after the sun went down.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience!To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

Electricity - Ectoberweek 2019

A short one today, because I forgot that I’m really bad at writing pointless fluff. I just don’t get through my words if there isn’t at least a tiny bit of plot to support all the banter. But I also didn’t want to throw out my idea and write angst, so...

Rating: General Audiences / K+ Warnings: none! Genre: Humor, Fluff Words: 1,961 Additional Tags: Banter, Light-hearted, Puns & word play

[AO3] [FFN]

---

Lightning ran over Danny’s skin, simultaneously hot and cold, branching to cover every inch of his flesh. Its currents ran under his skin, electrifying and sharp.

He let out a breath laugh, twisting his arm to watch the play of energy and light where it danced over his skin.

“Okay, that’s pretty cool,” Sam said, leaning in closer. The light of the electricity, ecto-green in color, reflected in her eyes. “And it doesn’t hurt?”

“Not at all,” he assured her. Her, and Tucker, who maintained a careful distance. “It’s a little… electrifying, but it’s no more painful than any of my other powers.”

“Ha ha.” Tucker rolled his eyes, pushing his PDA a little further away. “You keep that power away from me, Fenton, until you can assure me that you won’t fry my electronics.”

“Aw, Tuck,” Danny whined, pouting at his friend, “but what if that never happens? How am I supposed to hug my bestest bro if he won’t let me come close?”

Danny shifted like he was about to stand up, and Tucker hissed at him like a cat. “Don’t you dare! You hear me, Fenton? Don’t!”

He laughed, but sat down again. “Alright, alright. Settle down already, Tuck, I’m just joking.”

Tucker huffed, disgruntled. “Yeah, uh huh. I’ll believe that when you stop having live electricity running down your arms.”

“Technically,” Danny said, lips twitching into a smirk, “it’s dead electricity.”

Both of his friends groaned, loudly, and Danny laughed. “Sorry! I couldn’t resist it!”

“You never can.” Sam shook her head. “It’s Tucker’s fault for giving you the set-up.”

“Hey! Don’t blame me!”

“Can and will!”

Danny rolled his eyes, cutting off the stream of lightning that was pouring down his arm. “Alright, that’s enough. Here, is that better, Tucker?”

The boy hummed. “Well, I suppose that it’ll have to do.”

---

The ever-constant buzz of electricity hummed under Danny’s skin. He felt restless, the energy crackling and demanding a release he couldn’t give it. Large displays of power were bound to set off all kinds of radars his parents had set up, never mind the damage that he would undoubtedly do to all the electronics in the house.

Really, he didn’t know what he would do if he fried the microwave. Rely exclusively on his parents’ cooking? Absolutely not. Not only would he rather die, he probably really would die if he tried.

Jazz looked up from her book, fixing him with a speculative gaze, and he stilled. Hadn’t even really realized that he’d been moving, jittering restlessly.

Although… now there was an idea.

“Danny?” Jazz asked, cautiously, when he stood up from his chair. “What’re you-- Hey!”

He quickly ducked away to avoid her swatting hand, his core quickly replenishing the little charge he had lost shocking Jazz. He’d been careful to restrict it; the zap had been little more than what she might get from static.

“You little brat,” she said, grumpily, but with an undeniable fond undertone. “Keep your static to yourself, will you?”

Danny hummed, pretending to think about it. Then, lightning-fast, he tapped her, zapping her again.

“Hey!” She glared at him, putting down her book entirely. “The first time I was willing to pass off as regular static, but there’s no way you could’ve recharged it that quickly. Are you going to tell me, or am I supposed to guess?”

“Eh.” He glanced over at the door, making sure it was closed, and that his parents were staying downstairs. “It’s a new ghost power. I can generate electricity, I think? But I’m having some trouble controlling it still.”

He tugged on his core, the electricity running through his flesh sparking through it, forming visible branches of lightning. The release didn’t last long, however, because he heard footsteps on the stairs and was forced to cut it out quickly.

“Huh,” Jazz said, briefly looking towards the stairs. Had clearly heard their parents coming up, too. “That’s pretty neat. Definitely something you would need to learn to control, though. Lightning is--”

“I know,” he interrupted her, rolling his eyes. “Believe me, Jazz. I, of all people, understand how dangerous electricity can be, especially when charged with ectoplasm.”

She made a face, clearly disgruntled by his interrupted, but nodded. She opened her mouth as if to add more, but the door to the lab slammed open, their parents entering.

Jazz shot him a look that clearly said that they would be talking about this more later, but…

Well, he might’ve pretended not to see.

He could handle it just fine without her, he was sure of it.

---

Danny yawned, idly twisting his locker open. Despite all the energy he could feel coursing in his body, he was still exhausted.

Well, he supposed that he might be tired because of the electricity. Generating so much charge so constantly was probably something he should be compensating with more food and sleep.

Ah, if only he could afford such luxuries. He could barely get enough sleep to support his body normally.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and turned his around forcibly, and he startled back to awareness. Dash loomed over him, face twisted into a snarl.

“Fenton!” he growled at Danny, hands balled into fists. “You ready for a bit of fun, huh?”

“I don’t know, Dash, what do you have to offer?” Danny taunted back, not feeling particularly threatened. He saw Sam push her way through the crowd already, Tucker right behind her. And even without them, well… Dash wasn’t all that scary if you fought ghosts on a daily basis, was he?

“You feeling smart, huh?” Dash reached forward, grasping onto Danny’s shirt, lifting him up slightly.

Then the boy suddenly let go, yelping.

Danny landed roughly, caught off-guard by the sudden drop. Blinked confused at Dash. Why had he…?

“What the hell, Fenton!” Dash flapped his hand a little, like he was shaking off a small hurt. “You think you can save yourself with a little static, huh? Well, too bad.”

He reached for Danny again, taking hold of Danny’s collar once more. And again, he was forced to let go, hissing between his teeth.

“Oy, what the--?”

“Leave him alone, Dash.” Sam shouldered her way past Dash, stopping right next to Danny. Crossed her arms and glared at him with her full goth fury. “Or are you bull-headed enough to try that again?”

Dash shot her a sharp look back, then shifted it to Danny when Sam failed to falter. Seeing that neither of them were responsive, he huffed loudly. “Ah, what do I care. I’ll see you, Fenton,” he narrowed his eyes at Danny, “some other time when your girlfriend’s not around to save you.”

Danny rolled his eyes. “Sure, Dash, whatever.” As Tucker sidled in next to them, he called after Dash, “And she’s not my girlfriend, by the way!”

The three of them watched Dash walk a little further away, the boy digging a hand into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Then, suddenly, he shouted in anger.

His phone had died.

Danny winked at his friends, who both grinned back, knowingly.

Ah, it felt good to get a little petty revenge sometimes.

---

Danny walked into the kitchen, arms stretched out over his head. His spine crackled with the movement, his spine noisy as its vertebrae shifted into their proper alignment. He yawned, idly scratching his left arm.

The electricity under his skin was still present, strongest in the arm that had taken the initial charge of the Portal. In his ghost form, he could see the sparks shift along the scar it had left. In his human form, he had no scar, no monument to the accident.

Not until now, at least. The metaphysical scar formed by the constant currents of lightning, forever trapped in his skin, and ever-shifting.

He forcibly took his right hand away from his arm again. No scratching. He didn’t want to risk breaking the skin, releasing the power that laid underneath it. Baring the scar that laid underneath it.

Still, his core hummed in discontent. It continued to produce electricity, energy that Danny couldn’t release.

Licking his lips, he eyes up Jazz sitting at the kitchen table, breakfast in front of her. Maybe he could…

He snuck over to her. Not the stealthiest, perhaps, but stealthy enough thanks to the book distracting her. Then he placed his hands on her shoulders, making sure to draw back enough power that it would be little stronger than static.

“Danny!” she yelped, jumping in her seat. “What--”

“Again?” his mom asked, her eyes narrowed as she looked away from the pan with eggs. “Danny, stop shocking your sister.”

“Sorry,” he said, pulling up his shoulders, feeling chastised.

“How do you keep getting so much static, anyway?” His mom shook her head, turning back to the pan, thus missing Danny’s panicked glance at Jazz. “It’s almost unnatural, how much charge you keep accumulating.”

“Unnatural?” his dad echoed, suddenly drawn into the conversation. “Why, it must be--”

“It’s not ghosts, Jack!” Maddie snapped at him, shooting him a sharp look. “Honey, not everything is the fault of ghosts.”

As his dad pouted, Danny shot Jazz a half-panicked, half-relieved look. She returned one much the same, although somehow much more comforting. Also somehow chastising at the same time.

Yeah, he was pretty sure he was gonna stop with the zapping other people.

At home, at least. No promises on using it against Dash.

---

Danny rose up, higher and higher in the air, arms flat against his sides and legs merged into a spectral tail. Even with the wind buffeting him, he could feel the electricity coiling underneath his skin, his jumpsuit.

Suddenly he stopped, the ghost chasing him not realizing until it hit him. He grabbed it, hands fisting the longer fur on its neck, and he grinned down at it.

Then, for the first time since he’d gained his new power, he let go of his grip on the electricity his core was generating.

Lightning crackled out of him immediately, lancing through his ectoplasmic flesh. Cleaved through the air with a booming crack like thunder.

But it didn’t hurt.

If anything, it was elation that Danny felt. Pure bliss, like an increasingly heavy weight was finally taken off of his chest.

The ghost he held yelped, and he released it, watched as it fled. He felt certain that it had been properly chastised, that it wouldn’t risk bothering him again.

Still, he yelled after it, “Shocking, right?”, grinning to himself.

He let the lightning crackle over him a little longer, branching over his arm and his chest and through the air around him. Then, after a long moment, and with a heavy sigh, he pulled back on his power again.

Well, he got to use his new power in a fight, at least?

Danny flew back down to the ground, made sure no one was watching him, and shifted back to human form. He stuck a hand into his jeans to pull out his phone, going to call Tucker and Sam so they could reunite. He’d lost them sometime during the fight.

He pressed the on button on his phone. Pressed it again, frowning as it didn’t turn on. Disgruntled, he held it down a little longer, waiting for it to turn on.

When he finally realized that it wasn’t turning, he sighed.

“Of course,” he grumbled to himself, stuffing his phone back in his pocket. “Of course the stupid thing got fried. Should’ve known.”

And he slumped off, hoping to find Sam and Tucker on foot.

(He was relieved to find, when he returned home and plugged his phone into the charger, that he had just drained its battery, and that the phone was otherwise fine)

May I please request Kuroo, Ushijima, Kenma and Oikawa relationship and proposal headcannons please? Thanks, my Irish beauty!

Omg Irish beauty hahahaha ur so sweet!! Also of course u can^^

Kuroo

❤️ A relationship with him is two words: never boring. He’ll literally be ALWAYS filled with conversation and different things for you both to try- there will never really be a dull moment between you both

❤️ You guys would travel a lot, and he would make it his priority to travel the world with you by his side

❤️ You’d love adventure- and you would 100% be the type to go on really wild safaris etc just to experience all you can

❤️ He would be such a teasing, playful boyfriend. Short? Be prepared to be BULLIED. Wear glasses? BULLIED. Clumsy? BULLIED. It’s all playful tho and u know he only does it cus he loves these things abt you bro

❤️ Prank wars ALL THE TIME LITERALLY 24/7 BASICALLY. Includes a side of Bokuto. Sometimes you and Kuroo will go against Bokuto and Akaashi and it’s so chaotically perfect plus you guys always win

❤️ He CAN be so romantic when he wants to be, and has chivalry hidden in every crevice of his body he’s clearly also a daddy lmao but behind his dorky, sciencey exterior lies a romantic nerd who will sweep you right off your feet

❤️ When he wants to propose- he does it right. Romantic Kuroo takes the reigns. He’ll definitely take you out somewhere you both know very well- like where you guys went on the first date. He’ll have a little speech planned and everything it’s so cute

Ushijima

💜 Big confused babie??? In a relationship??? This only means 1 thing= adorable

💜 He is sO caring and polite. A true gentleman: he will call during your breaks at school/ work, he’ll bring you home things that remind him of you, he’ll spoil you when he can. He’s amazing

💜 He’s still quite stoic, but lets himself talk more and smile a little wider around you. You make him happy and he’s comfortable showing that to you.

💜 Very loving. He’ll hide ZILCH of his feelings (“why should i? I love them- so they deserve to know how i feel inside”)

💜 Lots of missing common sense though. He’s so intelligent but damn he will stare at the microwave for 3 minutes straight wondering if he can put a fork in there or not PLEASE BBY

💜 When he wants to marry you, he knows how to go about it properly and enlists help from the Shiratorizawa Angel™️ Reon Ohira, who helps him plan out everything

💜 It’d be a simple proposal- and he would do it somewhere you guys were alone so he didn’t cause a huge fuss. He loves you and he only wants YOU to hear the words he has. He’ll be soooo nervous tho but it’s adorable

Kenma

🐱 Quiet boy. When you get him into the relationship he’s like a cat: very weary at the beginning but as time goes on he becomes your other half

🐱 Whenever you guys get super close, he’ll show his humorous side a lot more. This is basically him making sarcastic puns and dry, borderline offensive humour all said with a blank expression. He has you in fits of laughter

🐱 You guys are the relationship with 937 inside jokes that only you could even begin to understand. Even if you tried explaining them it’d still sound so confusing but that’s what makes them golden

🐱 Video games galore- y’all would just sit for days and play together while eating junk food and not caring about your health

🐱 He’s so snuggly though. When he begins to get tired he sprawls out on your lap and snuggles into your side and u just wanna tuck him in and kiss his little head omg he is babie

🐱 He’ll propose to you AND HE’s SOOO SHY. It’s like small, timid kenma from before rises to the surface and you haven’t seen it in so loNG so ur confused until you realise

🐱 He just looks at you, sighs a bit, runs a hand through his hair and then presents the ring Kuroo helped him choose (and it’s beautiful). You know it’s real when he proposes, because he’s never usually the type to make such a move so he’s in it for the long run bro 😎

Oikawa

💙 A relationship with this man just screams drama amirite so make sure you can handle....him

💙 He’ll always be so flirty though, and will leave you blushing after every single conversation for at least the first year like he has skill™️

💙 Really romantic moments: going out for dinner, dancing around the kitchen at 3am, twirling you and kissing your cheek. It’s something straight out of a movie

💙 However he’s also sooo super dorky. Late nights watching buzzfeed unsolved? Yes. Alien conspiracies while sitting on the roof of your house at 3am? Check. Binging stranger things until morning? Boom

💙 You’ll see his dorky side and he’ll trust you with everYTHING. He’ll also flaunt you as much as possible all over social media, and will be your no. 1 supporter as long as you’re his

💙 When he wants to marry you he wants to make it as glamorous and memorable as possible. He considers doing it during a match, but then realises it would maybe be a little TOO MUCH (thank u iwa for telling him tht)

💙 He proposes so sweetly though: getting down on one knee, taking your hand in his, looking up at you with those large, chocolate eyes and telling you exactly what you mean to him. The ring will be so beautiful and you just CAN’T say no to this boy

Lightning Round, Take Two

kudos to @notedchampagne for inspiring this!!

also on ao3

-

“This is a terrible idea.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“She’s going to hate me.”

“She’ll love you.”

“Love me? Love me?!” Karkat all but shrieked. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, Dave, but I don’t exactly make the best impressions! In fact, one might even say I make the worst impressions! We’ll be lucky if she doesn’t end this visit early because she can’t stand being around me because I have the personality of a deep seated pimple!”

“Damn. The kind it hurts to pop?”

“Yes! The kind of pimple that never forms a head and settles on your upper lip so it hurts every time you move your mouth! That’s what my personality is like: persistent, painful, and pus-filled!”

“The three P’s.” Dave mused, and Karkat shot him a scowl. “C’mon man, don’t sell yourself short. You’re like a blackhead at the worst.”

“Don’t pander to me, Strider.” Karkat grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t complain when Dave slung his arm over his shoulders. “I still think this would go much better without me.”

“Nah, dude, trust me, this is the best option. I mean, best case scenario, if I did this by myself, she’d be like ‘omg do u have a bf’ and I’d be like ‘yeah’ because that’s part of what I’m tryna do here, tell folks about us, but then she’d want pictures even though she’s definitely met you, and then I’d have to show her all those cute pictures I took of you when you weren’t looking, and I know you don’t want that.”

“You what?”

“You didn’t hear that.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned a little closer into Dave’s side, eyes tracing the little carapacian homes they were walking by. Dusk was falling, much to his relief; they both had to make compromises when they realized their species operated at different times of day, but he still avoided leaving the hive when the sun was glaring and ready to burn him to a crisp. Dave probably could’ve flown them all the way to Roxy and Calliope’s house, but Karkat hated making him carry him that far (Dave always insisted he wasn’t that heavy, but the strain in his voice never escaped Karkat’s notice), so they were walking the last few blocks. Karkat had a sneaking suspicion Dave was fine with walking because he was trying to delay the inevitable. He was nervous, if the way his fingers were tapping on Karkat’s upper arm or the way he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw said anything. Karkat sighed and unfolded his arms to wrap one around Dave’s waist.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you know.” He said, surprising Dave into looking down at him.

“What? Who said I’m worried? You’re the one who’s been bitching the whole evening.”

“Because I want to make a good impression on your weird paradox ancestor, shit for brains. I’m saying you don’t need to be worried about coming out to her.” He met Dave’s eyes through his shades, something he’d gotten good at over the sweeps. “Of all fucking people, she’ll be the most fine with it. That’s why you’re telling her first, right?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just-” Dave sighed and looked away. He was better than he used to be, but holding eye contact was still hard for him, “It’s a big deal, you know? I mean, Rose probably figured it out from living in a confined space with us, and Dirk kinda got it out of context clues, but this is a first using the big B-word.”

“She’ll be fine. And if she isn’t, I’ll tear her apart and at least give her a reason to hate your boyfriend besides my shit-awful personality.”

“Aw, babe, I dunno whether to be flattered you’d attack my mom like a feral raccoon or bummed that you’re trashin’ yourself.”

“How about we compromise, and I’ll stop shit-talking myself if you stop stressing yourself out about this.”

“...Deal.”

“Good. Because I think that’s her house.”

“Oh shit.”

The two of them stopped just outside the elaborate building the carapacians had offered Roxy and Calliope back when they’d first arrived in the middle of Earth C society, both of them brimming with anxiety despite their reassurances. Karkat almost thought Dave was going to say this was too much for him and turn around and fly home, but he unwrapped himself from Karkat’s arm and instead held his hand to walk up to the front door and knock.

“Just a sec!” Roxy’s voice rang out from somewhere inside, and a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal her smiling face. “Davey!” She squealed and launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. Dave, to his credit, adapted quickly and let go of Karkat’s hand to hug her back.

“Sup, Rox.”

Roxy pulled away from Dave to turn towards Karkat, who instinctively took a half step back. She noticed and laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hug you if you don’t wanna. Is a fistbump cool?”

“I don’t know if I would call anything a certain red asshole harangued me with in the early years of our friendship ‘cool’, but it is acceptable.” That made Roxy laugh, and he gave her a light fistbump.

“Karkat, bro, I can’t believe you’re just calling me uncool in front of my mom. What the fuck. What is this betrayal.” Dave shook his head, but he already seemed more relaxed.

“Dave, I dunno how to break this to you, but you’re related to me ‘n Dirk.” Roxy tried to adopt a sympathetic expression despite her grin. “You’ve got dork running through your veins.”

“Goddamn. You’re tellin’ me I’ve got a genetic predisposition for this shit?”

“Yup. It’s chronic. Doctors everywhere’re rushing to write studies on our family to try and isolate the ‘cool-but-really-not-cool’ gene.”

“Let’s hope it’s not replicable in a lab or anything. I’m pretty sure Earth C can only handle four of us.”

“Ohmigod, can you imagine them trying to test it out. Little lab rats wearing shades and writing wizard fic. Holy shit.” Roxy gasped at her own idea, an unbelievably pleased look on her face.

“Oh my dick. Fuck ectobiology, this is the science I want to invest in.”

“Absolutely not.” Karkat interjected. “There’s already enough of you jackasses, I think I’d have an aneurysm if any more blond lunatics were running around.”

“Lol,” Karkat couldn’t believe Roxy just said that out loud, “You’re probably right. Are we gonna keep fucking around about cool mice on the doorstep, or do you guys wanna come in?”

She stepped aside to lead them inside and showed them to the living room. “Callie’s out picking up dinner. I would’ve made something since I invited you guys over for dinner, but living in the water apocalypse did not leave me with many cooking skills.”

“Hey, no shade here.” Dave shrugged, plopping down on the couch with Karkat at his side. “I don’t think I’d be able to work an oven if I tried. We’re a strictly take-out household. Hivehold? I dunno, but we’ve barely touched the kitchen in the week we’ve been here.”

“Excuse you, I made those Hot Pockets yesterday.” Karkat countered sharply.

“Yeah, and they were like 30% cooked, dude. You put them in the microwave for thirty seconds and then panicked.”

“Fuck you, I don’t see you doing much better! In fact, I distinctly remember you eating those frozen pizza pockets like a ravenous barkbeast! It was like you’d been locked in a cave with nothing to eat for half a sweep and my delicious plate of folded sauce treats were the only thing saving you from a miserable, malnourished death!”

“I mean, a Hot Pocket’s a Hot Pocket. I’m not gonna turn one of those fuckers down, who do you think I am.”

“I think you’re a wiggler with no sense of taste.”

“You eat bugs.”

“And you put ranch on your pizza! Bricks and glass houses, Dave!”

“Dude, do trolls even have that expression? Aren’t y’all light sensitive? Why would you have glass houses?”

“Newsflash, dipshit, I’ve lived in close proximity for the majority of the past two sweeps with an overflowing fountain of pop culture references and idioms and an uppity seer that likes to make things as convoluted and difficult to understand as possible. I picked up a few human phrases! Uh, no offense, Roxy.” Karkat added at the mention of Rose.

“None taken! I’m pretty sure she gets that from Dirk anyway.” Roxy waved him off. “Take it back to the ranch on pizza thing tho, do you really do that? Is this some earth delicacy I missed out on?”

“Oh fuck yeah, it rules. You gotta try it some time.” Dave nodded, excited to get someone else to try his food crimes.

“Imma have to take a pass on that.” Roxy said, crinkling her nose.

“Finally, someone with taste!” Karkat exclaimed, and Dave gently hit his shoulder.

“I am slowly workin’ through traditional earth food tho! Or at least as traditional as you can get here. That’s where we’re getting dinner from! There’s this human/troll fusion place that Callie and I like. I dunno how authentic it is, but it tastes good at least!”

“I mean, nothing on Earth C is super authentic, it’s all like human diet slightly to the left, but it’s edible.”

“Better than the garbage we alchemized on the meteor, at least.” Karkat agreed.

“God, the fucking buffalo wings debacle.” Dave and Karkat shuddered in unison. Roxy looked amused.

“You guys spent a lot of time together on the meteor, right? And now you’re living together?” Roxy asked, and they both nodded. She had a look in her eyes that was far too reminiscent of the look Rose got when she was gearing up to psychoanalyze someone, and Karkat was hit with a stroke of panic. “Sooo, I should prob’ly do a lightning round with you too, right? Since you’re important to Dave?”

The pair shared a look and Dave shrugged, appearing nonchalant despite the way he was anxiously picking at a loose string on his jeans. “Uh, I guess?” Karkat said, bracing himself.

“I’ll start easy, I promise!” Roxy drummed her fingers on her lips as if thinking. “Hm… you’ve got ‘cat’ in your name, do you like cats?”

Karkat made a face, thrown off by the question. “I guess? I never had one, but Nepeta was pretty fucking into them, and they seemed… fine. I can respect a meowbeast that just lazes around if it’ll leave me the fuck alone, but Nepeta’s lusus could’ve probably torn me to shreds, so…” He shrugged.

“Was Nepeta a friend from the game?” Roxy backpedaled the moment she saw Karkat’s face fall. “Oh shit, tender subject, sorry.” She worried her lip, looking for another question, then perked up. “Oh! What’s your sign? I know it’s Cancer from earth astrology and stuff, but what’s that mean for trolls?”

Karkat looked down at his chest and grimaced. “Fuck if I know, I don’t actually have a sign. I spent most of my life thinking this stupid thing meant precisely fuck all. I guess it’s a symbol of my ancestor? But I never really learned much about him since the empress always tried to erase his rebellion, and I thought that ancestor shit was highblood bullshit anyway. I guess now I know it’s not, but ugh, I could’ve happily gone my whole wretched life without meeting that douchebag.”

“We met his ancestor in the dream bubbles.” Dave explained. “Or I guess descendent? Since y’all are technically the post-scratch group? I never really understood that part.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter, he was a pretentious asswipe with his head so far up his nook it’s a wonder he was even audible, but oh god, was he audible alright.”

“Lmao, I kinda wanna meet this guy.” Roxy grinned.

“No you don’t.” Dave and Karkat said in unison, which made her laugh.

“I’ll take your word for it.” The mischievous look was back in her eyes. “Next question! Have you ever had your quadrants filled?”

Karkat almost choked. “What the fuck kind of question is that? That’s none of your fucking business!” He blustered. “My quadrants are private, and it’s my decision if I want to bring them up! Are all humans this fucking nosy or is it just the Lalondes?!”

“It’s just the Lalondes.” Dave said flatly.

“I just thought it’d be fair since I asked Dave that in our lightning round!” Roxy put her hands up in apology, but didn’t look particularly apologetic. “I was curious!”

Karkat was about to continue his rant about people feeling entitled to knowledge about virtual strangers’ quadrants, but the way Dave sat up and cleared his throat gave him pause.

“Actually, Rox,” Dave started, fidgeting a bit, “I never answered that question back on the lilypad.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay!” Roxy brushed him off. “I’m not gonna push you to answer something you’re not comfy with.”

“That’s the thing. I wanna answer you now, if that’s cool.”

“Oh!” Roxy’s eyes widened. “Of course that’s cool! That’s cooler than cool.”

Dave lifted an eyebrow, a smile pulling at his lips despite himself. “What’s cooler than being cool?”

“Ice cold!” Roxy shouted at the top of her lungs, and the two of them chanted “alright” about a dozen times while Karkat watched them in bewilderment. Humans, he thought. He’d never understand them.

“Okay, but for real tho,” Roxy said once they’d both gotten a handle on their giggles, “You wanted to say something?”

“Yeah.” Dave almost immediately looked anxious again, running his hands over his jeans. “So. You asked if I’d ever kissed anyone or-” He cleared his throat and the rest came out in a mumbled cough, “-been in love.”

Karkat held his breath, eyes flicking between Dave and a very focused Roxy.

“The, um. The answer to both of those questions is… yes? And I know you’re wonderin’ who, that’s like the next logical question, like if you ask someone if they’re hungry and they say yes, your next question is probably gonna be ‘what do you wanna eat’, unless you’re a total dick and just wanted to, I dunno, be aware of someone else’s hunger for your own sick pleasures and leave ‘em waiting like you’re some kinda sick torturer tryin’ to extract information out of a prisoner, like ‘hey are you hungry?’ ‘Yeah, I am, actually. I’ve been hanging from my ankles for a week now and I’d kill for some motherfucking KFC right now.’ ‘Interesting. Go fuck yourself.’ That’s not a very good interrogator, actually, he didn’t even try to get any information out of the guy except for the knowledge that he’s really craving some chicken, which is virtually useless, unless the interrogator is working for KFC’s competitor, like Popeyes out here tryna get the deets on their rival brands. Hey, do you think they’ve got a Popeyes anywhere on Earth C? Maybe we should start one, make a shit ton of money. Really boost the economy.”

“Dave.” Karkat cut him off before he could get too far from the topic, giving him a pointed look. “Were you actually going to say something important or were you going to just talk out of your deflated ass forever?”

“Hey man, you know you love my ass.”

“The point, Dave-!”

“Right right right.” Dave shook his head and took a deep breath before looking at Roxy again, who looked like she was might be putting things together already. “It’s Karkat. The answer to ‘who’, I mean. We’ve, uh. We’ve been dating since the meteor.”

Roxy’s whole face lit up. “Aw, congrats you guys! That’s really sweet!”

“Yeah.” Dave looked over at Karkat and gave him a tiny smile before looking a little apprehensive again. “I’d, uh, appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone though? I mean, the rest of the meteor crew probably knows because we spent… a lot of time together.”

“Most of that was platonic, though. A good two-thirds of it, at least.” Karkat countered.

“True, but they don’t know that. Far as they know, one day we were just two bros hanging out and watching movies and shit, then the next day, Vriska walks in to catch one of those bros taking a snooze on his other bro’s lap and falling off the couch the moment she announces her presence.”

“I’ll give you three fucking guesses which dumbass that was.” Karkat directed that at Roxy, and she snorted.

“Rude.” Dave nudged him. “But yeah, they’ve probably figured it out, but we haven’t officially told anyone. I haven’t even told anyone I’m, you know. Bisexual.”

“Wait, so I’m the first person you’ve told?” Roxy looked a little stunned.

“I- Yeah? I just thought you’d probably be a safe person to go to, especially since we don’t have any weird baggage like I might have with John and Jade, you’re just my alt-mom, which I guess does make things a little weird-”

“It’s a little weird, but it does mean you get a certified mom hug!” She interrupted, standing up.

“A mom hug? Dunno if I know what those are like.” Dave said, smiling a little.

“They’re like this, you big goober.” Roxy pulled him into a tight hug, pulling him down a little so he could put his head on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Davey. That’s a big deal, comin’ out and shit. I’m glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“...Thanks mom.” Dave’s voice was a watery mumble against her shoulder, but he seemed to have collected himself by the time they pulled away. Roxy immediately turned her sights on Karkat.

“Your turn! You’re family now, you can’t escape hugs anymore.”

“Ugh, you humans are so fucking tactile.” Karkat grumbled but resigned himself to Roxy’s affectionate squeeze.

“Hey man, don’t act like you’re not cuddly as hell. I have to pry you off of me with a crowbar to go take a piss sometimes. You should see this dude when he gets sleepy, Rox, it’s so fucking cute. Did you know trolls purr? It’s some kinda flushed noise or something and it’s the fucking best.” Dave seemed to already be relaxing now that the thing he’d been dreading was over with.

“That’s private!” Karkat hissed, embarrassed. Dave just grinned at him and sat a little closer when they took a seat again. “Do you want me airing out how you melt like a touch starved candybar left in the sunlight when I suggest you should be the little spoon? Or how you turn into a warbling puddle of Dave when I do this?” He reached over and out his hand on Dave’s knee, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. Casual affection, Dave’s weakness.

“Aw,” Roxy cooed. Dave looked thoroughly embarrassed and made a strangled noise in his throat. Karkat gave him a smug look.

“Shut up.” He grumbled weakly and scooted a little closer so he could press against Karkat’s side and hold his hand.

“So you guys are matesprits?” Roxy asked, and Karkat’s anxiety immediately returned. Dave wasn’t the only one who had coming out to do. Dave squeezed his hand and let Karkat start since this was his thing to discuss.

“Mostly?” He offered weakly, then tried to sound more certain. “We’re kind of pale too.”

“Plus I piss you off in a pitch way sometimes.” Dave added helpfully.

“And the way you kept me from tearing Vriska apart on the meteor was sort of ashen.” Karkat admitted.

“I mean, there wasn’t really much of a chance of you tearing her apart to begin with. Spidertroll could’ve probably kicked any of our asses in her sleep, she’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“My point still stands!”

“So…” Roxy interrupted, guiding them back on topic, “You’re in all quadrants? I didn’t know trolls did that!”

Karkat winced. “They don’t. Usually. It’s extremely frowned upon.”

“Karkat’s had trouble keeping shit in one quadrant.” Dave explained for him. “He’s got a big ol’ heart full of love.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in Paradox Space to come to that conclusion about what my useless fucking pump biscuit is full of, but thanks for the thought.” Karkat rolled his eyes, defaulting to annoyance to avoid the insecurities that always gnawed at him when he thought about his relationship with quadrants. “‘Full of love’ is usually not the first thing people describe me as. More like ‘full of a burning anger’ or ‘a perpetual stream of irritable piss’ or, hell, ‘just undiluted dumbass juice!’ As far as most people are concerned, I’m Karkat ‘useless shitfit’ Vantas, and they’re not fucking wrong!”

“Okay, sure, you might be the grumpiest person in all - what, is this five universes now? I can’t keep track, but that doesn’t mean you’re not secretly a big softy.” Dave rubbed his thumb over Karkat’s knuckles. “I know that best out of probably anyone.”

“If it helps, I don’t think of you as those things!” Roxy added. Karkat gave her a disbelieving look.

“Full offense, we’ve never really ‘hung out.’”

“I mean, no, but I’ve seen you interacting with Dave and John and Kanaya and stuff, and you’ve always seemed to be a caring friend underneath all the yelling.” Roxy shrugged. “It’s nice knowing Dave’s in good hands since I’ve only been part of his family for a couple weeks. Means I don’t have to give you a shovel talk prob’ly!”

“The shovel talk? What the fuck? What does that even mean?” Karkat looked at Dave for an explanation, but he only winced.

“You know, when parents meet their kid’s partner and are like ‘you better not hurt my baby, or I’ll kill you.’ That kind of thing. I’m guessing trolls didn’t do that on Alternia?” Roxy tilted her head, seeming genuinely curious. Karkat’s face contorted as he wrapped his head around that concept.

“Okay, first of all, no we didn’t because we didn’t even have parents and our lusii wouldn’t give two shits about our quadrantmates. Second of all, you better not even think about giving me your ridiculous human ‘shovel talk’! I’ve known Dave far longer than you have, so it really should be me going ‘don’t fucking hurt him,’ but I know I don’t need to because Dave can fucking handle himself! He doesn’t need your bullshit defenses! If I ever hurt him, I trust him to be able to tell me to fuck off out of his life - not that he’d ever need to because I’d rather establish a culling system in the Troll Kingdom and offer myself up as their first sacrifice than hurt Dave!” He took a deep inhale to continue his tirade, but Dave cut him off with a pat to the cheek.

“Yo, dude, shoosh, it’s okay. It’s really not that big of a deal.” It was only after Dave cut off his train of thought that Karkat realized how worked up he was getting, and he shrank back down against Dave’s shoulder, embarrassed. “I’m pretty sure Roxy was kidding, anyway.”

“Yeah, for sure!” Roxy nodded quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply you were gonna hurt Dave or that he couldn’t take care of himself or anything. That’s hella not my place, and you guys seem very good for each other.”

“Oh. Well. Good.” He sent her a warning glare just to make sure he’d gotten the point across, then forced himself to let some tension out of his shoulders.

“It is really nice knowin’ my family’s in good hands though.” Roxy smiled. “Hell, it’s nice knowin’ I have a family! Oh my god, Dave, do you realize none of us Strilondes are straight? I mean, Rose ‘n Dirk are both gay as hell, and then you and I are bi!”

“Yeah- Wait, what?” Dave jolted a little in surprise. “Rox, you’re bi too? Since when?”

“Uh, since always?” Roxy laughed a bit. “I thought that’s why you came to me, because you knew!”

“No! Holy shit, I gotta process this for a second.”

“LMAO.” Roxy said, pronouncing every letter. “Yeah, dude! I mean, can you blame me? Like, dudes are hot as fuck, that’s like self explanatory. I mean, have you seen the Englberts? Eglishes? Whatever their family name is, John and Jake are both total babes, but then there are girls too! I mean, Janey, what a gal, right? And Callie too!”

“Right?” Dave enthused, clearly excited someone understood where he was coming from. “Girls are so fucking good, hot damn, but then? Dudes? Holy shit?”

“Yeah!” Roxy was just about throwing herself out of her chair with her excitement. “I can barely leave the house, it’s just smoochable babes everywhere I turn.”

“I’d say it’s a goddamn plight, but I got the most smoochable right here.” Dave emphasized his point with a kiss to one of Karkat’s horns, making him squawk. Dave laughed a little and turned back to Roxy. “Yo, but rewind back to Callie. Soooo, are y’all two, y’know…”

Roxy looked remarkably like Dave when embarrassed. “Uh…” The sound of the front door opening and Calliope’s greeting voice cut her off. “I’ll get back to you on that!” Dave waggled his eyebrows at her but didn’t push it.

Dinner was an enjoyable affair, despite Karkat’s near constant crippling fear of being miserable in every social engagement. The food was good and pretty close to tasting like home, and the conversation was fluid - mostly because Roxy and Dave chattered the entire time like hyperactive squirrels. Karkat tried to be annoyed with their ridiculous stream of consciousness discussions, but he couldn’t help but feel warm watching Dave talk so comfortably with his ecto-mom. And he certainly wasn’t the only person happy with the situation; every time he and Dave started bantering back and forth, he could see Roxy’s delight out of the corner of his eye, and the absolutely lovestruck look on her face whenever Calliope spoke didn’t escape him either.

Eventually, though, they had to head home - though Dave and Karkat had both shifted their sleep schedules to be active in the afternoon and most of the night, the majority of their human friends were still diurnal and needed to go to bed eventually - so after a few more hugs from Roxy, they were sent on their way.

Dave landed them down the street from their hive, and Karkat didn’t complain about having to walk that last distance. The Troll Kingdom was just now starting to wake up, stores and restaurants lighting up, trolls in suits rushing to their early jobs, and young trolls getting ushered off to school. It was so different from Alternia, but Karkat thought he could probably get used to the differences if it meant he didn’t have to worry about getting culled at a single glance at his blood color. Maybe it was too early to tell, but if he let himself feel just the slightest bit optimistic for his future, he had a feeling he could be really happy here. He could live a peaceful, successful life on Earth C, and if the cheerful way Dave was swinging their clasped hands meant anything, he wasn’t the only one feeling hopeful.

“So,” He prompted, leaning into Dave’s shoulder, “I guess that could have been more horrible.”

“Yep.” Dave said, popping the ‘p’. “We’ll have to scrap those emergency plans. Cancel our name changes and facial reconstructions and flights to the other side of Earth C, no need to run away immediately.”

“I don’t know, we might have to keep that shit pencilled in. We still need to tell John.” Karkat reminded him, and Dave groaned.

“Oh fuck. Yeah, never mind, you sure we can’t just fuck off into another universe? Universe D here we come. The D stands for Davekat ‘cause it’ll just be us, babe. It also stands for Dick because, come on, it’s us, of course it does. Also Dinosaurs just ‘cause. Do you think dinosaurs are a universal constant? Like, did dinosaurs exist for you guys? Or- oh shit, do you think they evolved differently? Are trolls just super evolved dinosaurs?”

“Dave,” Karkat gave him a look, “I think I would know if I was a dinosaur.”

“I dunno, dude, maybe we’re all dinosaurs-”

“Okay, I know when to cut that shit off.” Karkat rolled his eyes and let go of his hand to unlock their door. “Seriously, I think… that went okay. Less than horrid.”

“Less than horrid, huh? That’s a big compliment coming from you, are you feeling okay? Are you gettin’ some kinda fluffy feelings from hanging out with Roxy too long, ‘cause like, I get it.”

“Shut up. All I’m saying is this might not have been as much of an ordeal as we thought, this ‘coming out to everyone we know’ thing.”

“Maybe. You might be right.” Dave admitted, following him inside. “But that involved way too many emotions, and I think all my brain’s been used up for the rest of the day for anything that involves more thought than playing Xbox for seven hours straight. You down?”

“Fuck yes.”

A Prelude to Chaos Control - Chapter 2: The Great Emerald’s Power

Click here to start from the beginning. You can also read this story on FanFiction.Net or Archive of Our Own.

*****

“Sure…is…cold in…here…” Sonic said to himself, shivering as the cool air from the freezer pierced his fur. Balancing on a step stool to reach the top level of his refrigerator, the blue hedgehog sifted through various frozen foodstuffs until he found a half-consumed tub of vanilla ice cream.

“There it is,” Sonic declared, grabbing the plastic handle and pulling the gallon container out from the freezer. Careful to maintain his balance, Sonic stepped down from the stool and placed the ice cream on the kitchen countertop.

“It’s colder than Ice Cap Zone in there,” Sonic said, rubbing his hands together to warm his body, his shivering beginning to cease.

Sonic raced around the kitchen, grabbing a variety of ingredients so he could put together the perfect ice cream sundaes for him and his little brother. After placing the ingredients near the tub, he proceeded to shovel large scoops of ice cream and drop them into the two bowls, totaling three helpings each. The hedgehog then microwaved a container of hot fudge and evenly poured the contents over the scoops. From there, he smothered the ice cream with whipped cream, sprinkles, and crushed peanuts.

“I almost forgot,” Sonic exclaimed as he went back to the cupboards to grab an unopened box of Mobian Scout™ mint chocolate cookies. Recently purchased by the duo to benefit the youth scouting organization, he was surprised to find that the two-tailed fox hadn’t already gobbled-up the delectable morsels.

“He must’ve forgotten about them,” Sonic said to himself before quickly realizing the foolishness of this thought.

Silly hedgehog…Tails would never misplace a minty treat!  

Not wanting the hot fudge to melt the ice cream too early, Sonic poured some of the cookies into a sealable plastic bag and crushed them with a rolling pin, breaking the cookies down into tiny pieces.

“That’s the way the cookie crumbles,” Sonic mused to himself, pouring the crumbs over the ice cream.

Finally, after adding a few cherries to the top of each sundae, and staking the scoops with cookie straws, the hedgehog took one final look at his delectable creations before placing the bowls on the coffee table in the living room and returning to the workshop to fetch his younger brother.

*****

“That should do it,” Tails said to himself as he placed the last component in its final corresponding pile on his workbench. “Now I just gotta find a place to store everything.”

The young kitsune glanced over at the unfinished detector, the light from the mid-afternoon sun reflecting off its glass surface. Tails picked it up, staring at it while rubbing his head with his free hand, wracking his brain for ideas on how to get the detector to work.  

Sighing heavily, the discouraged fox slumped in his chair, allowing his arms to dangle freely as he stared up at the tall ceiling of his workshop.

“Hey Tails, the ice—"  Sonic began to say as he came back from the kitchen, stopped short by the sight of the apathetic kitsune in front of him.

Knowing what he’d say next, Tails sat motionless for several seconds, looking away from the hedgehog as if in a daydream, before turning his head in his direction.

“Okay, Sonic,” he replied in a somber, emotionless tone before getting up and making his way to their living quarters, no spring in his step.

As they entered the house, Sonic ran to the couch, beckoning his brotherly companion to join him.

“I think you’re going to enjoy this!” the hedgehog said, waving an arm in his direction.

Tails sat down next to his older brother and looked down at the treat before catching a whiff of something utterly delightful.

“Is that…is that mint?” the orange kitsune asked, taking in a few deep breaths right above his bowl as the feelings of failure begun to dissipate, replaced only with the desire to consume his favorite dessert flavor.

“It sure is, pal,” Sonic replied. “Crushed-up Mobian Scout™ mint chocolate cookies, to be precise.”

Tails licked his lips in anticipation of the treat as he witnessed a flow of hot fudge dribbling down a hill of vanilla ice cream, taking bits of peanut and cookie crumbles down its stream. Using a cookie straw as a spoon, Tails took a bite of the sundae, ensuring that it contained a diverse mix of ingredients.

“It’s so good!” Tails exclaimed, before munching on the cookie straw and grabbing a metal spoon from the coffee table, ready to dig into the rest of the dessert.

“Glad ya like it,” Sonic replied, pleased to see him enjoying his confectionary creation.

Grabbing his own bowl with one hand, and the television remote with another, Sonic began flipping through channels while taking a few bites of his own cold treat.

“Anything you wanna watch?” Sonic asked, looking over at the orange kitsune, hot fudge dripping from his lips.

“Not really,” Tails replied, distracted by the sundae that remained half-eaten in his lap. “Nothing too scary, though.”

“You got it,” Sonic said, searching for something that the brothers could enjoy together.

“How about this?” Sonic asked, pointing the controller at the television. Tails winced at the sound of gunshots bellowing out of the television set, exchanged between a group of bank robbers and the police officers attempting to stop them.

“A bit too violent,” Tails replied, setting down his empty bowl on the coffee table, scooting closer to his brotherly companion.

“Alright,” Sonic said as he continued changing programs. “How about this one?”

Tails looked on to see a group of 20-somethings crowded in a large apartment, having conversations about their relationships, artificial laugh tracks regularly interrupting the dialogue.

“Too cheesy,” Tails replied, yawning into a gloved hand.

Finally, in a last-ditch effort, Sonic found a channel that he was sure would be to Tails’ liking.

Sonic nudged Tails’ shoulder, at this point leaning against his own, as he pointed towards the television. It was a nature documentary featuring a narrator with a rhythmic, slow voice describing, in detail, the mysterious origins of flickys and how their evolutionary track diverged from their avian brethren.

“Sure,” Tails said in a tranquil voice, leaning further against his big brother while shutting his eyes. Sonic set the remote down and settled in for a documentary that he’d likely find boring.  

Sonic looked down at the orange fox, cuddled peacefully against him, his tails covering his chest like a blanket.

Sure has been sleepin’ a lot lately.

Sonic took a closer look at the sleeping kitsune, noticing that his face was still stained with hot fudge. To remedy this, he reached for a tissue and gently wiped below his lips, not wanting him to wake.

Crumpling the used tissue into a ball and throwing it toward the coffee table, the blue hedgehog sighed, drowning out the television as he lost himself in thought. 

If only I knew what was going on in that big ol’ head of his, maybe I’d do a better job of helping him feel better. Ice cream sundaes won’t work every time.

Itching below his nose, Sonic peered over at the distant wall, observing the clock near the kitchen.

4 PM, huh?

Not necessarily accustomed to sleeping this much in a day, Sonic allowed himself to nap, his little brother still snuggling against him.  

*****

The sun gave way to the glow of the halfmoon in the sky, pouring its dim light through the dark living room housing the sleeping orange fox and blue hedgehog. Sonic was in a sitting position, arms resting against the back of his head as he snoozed, when a physical force against his belly woke him up.

“Owwooo,” Sonic yelped, placing a hand on his lightly bruised belly. After realizing that no harm was done, he looked to his left to find the source of the attack: his kitsune companion rustling in his sleep. After falling asleep against his shoulder, he shifted to his back some point after Sonic began snoozing. The blue hedgehog looked on as his little brother continued raising his knees for small kicks in his direction while flailing his arms.

“H..Help me, Sonic,” Tails said, although not to Sonic himself. The hedgehog scratched his head before coming to the realization that Tails was having a bad dream.

“S..sa…save me, please,” Tails begged, choking up as his arms and legs continued moving around as if controlled by a puppet. Sweat rolled down his fur, and a pained expression appeared on his face.

Getting out of harm’s way, Sonic got up from the sofa and dropped to his knees next to his little brother. He gently placed his gloved hand on the kitsune’s head, rubbing his fur back and forth gently enough to prevent the fox from waking up.

“It’ll be okay,” Sonic said, hoping that his voice would reach Tails’ subconsciousness. “I’m here now.”

As if by magic, Tails’ limbs ceased moving, and his face relaxed. His breathing was no longer labored, instead returning to a slow, consistent pace.

“Th..thank you, Sonic,” Tails said in his dream, presumably having been saved by the blue blur himself from whatever was tormenting him in his nightmare.

“No problem, buddy,” Sonic said, padding the excess sweat from Tails’ forehead with a small towel from the coffee table.

After drying off his little brother, Sonic covered him with a blanket, tucking his body in to ensure that he stayed warm and comfortable.

“Sleep tight, little bro,” Sonic said, smiling at the knowledge that, even in his sleep, he can help him feel better.

Not wanting to be too far away from Tails in case his bad dream returned, Sonic crept to the closet to find a blue sleeping bag, generally only used on long expeditions but perfect for an impromptu sleeping solution in emergencies such as these. The hedgehog unfurled the bag on the floor facing the sofa, got in, and zipped himself shut. After a brief yawn and a final stretch of his arms and legs, Sonic fell back asleep.

*****

Surrounded by Eggman’s army of robots in a wide, metallic corridor, Tails reached for his utility belt to find that his supply of ring bombs had been depleted.

“Damn it,” Tails said to himself, looking around once more to find Eggman’s minions approaching him from all sides, stepping over shards of their own fallen comrades previously destroyed by Tails’ arsenal of bombs and physical attacks.

The orange fox, whose only option now was to make a strategic retreat, decided to use his twin namesakes to propel himself out of harm’s way. Before he could begin rotating his tails, however, he felt a cool hand grab both from behind, pulling the fox backwards.  

“Ahhh!” Tails cried as he fell to the cold floor, the army of robots now mere feet away from the cornered fox.  

Realizing that there was no longer any way out, he covered his face with his arms and screamed, “Help me, Sonic!” His voice echoed across the room, ricocheting against the metallic walls, echoing back into his sensitive ears.

But Sonic wasn’t there to save him. Not this time.

The robots surrounding the orange kitsune targeted him with their front-mounted machine guns as the robot nearest Tails pulled him up by the neck and raised him in the air.

“Put…me…down,” Tails struggled to say, gasping for breath as the robot tightened its hold on his neck. Tails flailed his arms and legs around, attempting to escape the robot’s wrath before he suffocated from the lack of air.  

“S..save me…please,” Tails yelled, now attempting to pry himself out of the robot’s metallic grasp with his hands.

So this is how it ends, huh? After all the years battling Eggman, I’m going to die at his hands.

All alone.

Worthless.

That’s all I really am.

That’s all I really was.

Tails closed his eyes, waiting for the inevitable, when he heard exploding robots in the distance, the whooshing of a blue blur pulverizing the mechanical slaves at a rapid pace.  

By the time he opened his eyes, all the robots were already destroyed, save for the one still holding him above the ground. Finally, this machine met its own demise, destroyed in the same manner as its metallic colleagues, sending Tails careening to the ground. Before Tails collided with the floor, however, Sonic, with outstretched arms, caught the terrified fox and dashed away from what was now a robot graveyard.

Bracing for impact just a few seconds prior, Tails loosened the muscles in his face and slowly opened his eyes to reveal the blue hedgehog running swiftly, determined to get the two out of harm’s way.

“Th…thank you, Sonic,” Tails said in a raspy voice, still recovering from the excruciating chokehold.

The blue hedgehog simply gave his trademark wink and said, “No problem, buddy.”

The orange kitsune could hardly keep his eyes open as his blue savior jumped out of an open window, landed gently on the cement surrounding Eggman’s base, and ran away, traveling toward what appeared to be a large void of white.

“Sleep tight, little bro,” Sonic said, clutching Tails in his arms, helping him feel safe and secure.  

But then he found himself lying on the ground, all alone in the white void, no presence of Sonic anywhere.

“Where am I?” Tails asked himself, as he lifted himself up and attempted to find any landmarks that could provide a clue of his location.

There was nothing but white.

“Well,” Tails began to say to himself, stretching his arms. “I’m sure Sonic couldn’t have gotten far. Maybe if I wait here, he’ll find m—”

His monologuing was interrupted by the sound of beeping coming from his utility belt. Reaching into the belt, he was surprised to find one of its pockets full, the same compartment he found empty when cornered back at Eggman’s base. After fishing around a bit more, he retrieved the object responsible for making the artificial noise.

“My Chaos Emerald detector?” Tails asked himself in wonder, his pupils dilating in surprise. “What are you doing here, and…are you detecting something?”

As if answering his question, the glass screen surrounding the circular device began displaying two blinking dots: one in the center and another a short distance ahead. The central dot represented the location of the device, whereas the other dot was…

“…a Chaos Emerald?”

Astonished that his device was working, and eager to verify the contraption was tracing the Chaos Emeralds’ unique energy signature, the orange kitsune began sprinting forward. After gaining enough speed, he switched to his twin-tail propellers, going as fast as he would when racing against Sonic the Hedgehog himself.

After a minute of flying, a large structure became visible in Tails’ line of vision. He continued racing forward as the object grew larger, and when he was but a few yards from his destination, he stopped to catch his breath and analyze what he found.

“The Master Emerald shrine?” Tails asked himself, scratching his chin as he wondered why the device brought him to the large gem that gave power to the smaller Chaos Emeralds that he was truly after. As if responding to his question, the detector began to beep more loudly than before, beckoning the orange kitsune to climb the stone steps to greet the Master Emerald in-person.

Taking the hint, Tails traversed up the shrine, wondering why the Master Emerald wasn’t being guarded by Knuckles the Echidna, the sole protector of the priceless gem.

“And if the Master Emerald is here,” Tails asked himself, “wouldn’t that mean Angel Island fell to the ocean?” He was, of course, referring to the fact that the Master Emerald kept the floating island from falling to Mobius. But he saw no ocean. No island either, for that matter. Only the shrine in the forefront of an empty void.

The kitsune reached the top of the stairs. He stared at the large green emerald that awaited him before stepping forward, keeping the detector in one hand as its beeping grew louder by the second.

As if acting by instinct, Tails reached out with his other gloved paw and placed his palm against the emerald, its warmth radiating up his arm, across his torso, and down his legs, providing the fox with a renewed sense of vigor.

Putting the device back in his pocket, Tails placed his free paw on the gem, feeling the energy coursing from the emerald continue to bridge over to the young kitsune. His heartrate intensified as he looked down at his furry body, glowing with an orange hue unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Indeed, the great emerald’s power allowed him to feel a sense of hope and fulfillment, emotions that had been dormant as of late.

Finally, as he was about to let go of the Master Emerald, he heard a young woman’s voice permeate his thoughts.

The controller serves to unify the chaos.

“Huh?” Tails asked himself, looking around for the source of the voice. Before he could look further, however, the emerald began to glow various shades of green before disappearing into nothingness.

“Wait a second!” Tails yelled, jumping headfirst towards the vanishing emerald. Instead of catching the mystical gem, however, he found himself falling belly-first down an endless white void, the shrine having disappeared along with the Master Emerald.  

“Ahhhhh!” Tails yelled, as the fall appeared never ending, his rotary namesakes unwilling, or unable, to save their owner from certain death.

Staring downwards into white emptiness for several more moments, Tails finally noticed the appearance of solid ground below. A few seconds later, he was able to make out a bed of sharp spikes waiting below to turn him into a freshly skewered fox. Bracing for impact, the kitsune covered his face with his arms.

*****

He didn’t feel any painful spikes dismembering his body. Instead, he only felt the warmth of a blanket covering his legs, arms, and torso, tucked in to ensure that he’d stay warm and comfortable. He slowly opened his eyes, surprised that the white void was replaced with a dark living room, the sound of steady breathing coming from the floor below.

Tails rolled onto his side to get a better peak at the noise, peering down at his hedgehog companion soundly sleeping in his blue sleeping bag, only exposing his face and quills from the open end of the zipped-up blanket. Looking back down at his own tucked-in blanket, and the empty ice cream sundae bowls on the nearby coffee table, the orange fox’s eyes welled-up, thinking about his best friend’s kindness and generosity as a smile filled his face.

“Thank you, Sonic,” Tails whispered to himself. “For everything.”

Before he had the opportunity to lie back on the couch, however, the young kitsune began to feel a radiating sensation in his lower abdomen similar to what he experienced when interacting with the Master Emerald in his dream. Taking a few moments to comprehend what was going on, he placed an arm behind his head, lightly blushing in embarrassment, as he realized that he needed to use the restroom.

After making his unscheduled pitstop, Tails crept silently back to the couch to resume his sleep, only to find Sonic sitting on the sofa waiting for him.

“Ohh, hiya Sonic,” Tails said, pleasantly surprised to find him awake to greet him.

“How are you feelin’, bro?” Sonic asked.

“Well,” Tails said, looking behind him in the direction of the restroom he just vacated. “I feel a bit better now!” The two companions chuckled in unison at the fox’s literal toilet humor.

“Hey Sonic?” Tails said, his heart beginning to race once more.

Before Sonic could respond, though, the fox ran into his arms and gave him a hug.

“Thank you.”

The blue hedgehog, taken off guard by the sudden display of affection, regained his bearings and returned the hug, rubbing Tails’ back as he did in the workshop that afternoon.

“You treat me just like family, even though I always mess things up,” Tails said, looking down at Sonic’s sneakers and his own bare feet.

“I’m so lucky to have you as a friend,” Tails continued, moisture from his tears beginning to dampen Sonic’s furry chest.

“Hey,” Sonic replied. “That’s what best buds are for, right?”

“Mhmmm,” Tails said, his voice muffled in their shared embrace.  

The young kitsune was the one to end their hug, choosing now to sit on the sofa.

“Do you wanna hear about my dream?” Tails asked, drying the moisture around his eyes with his hands.

“Sure,” Sonic replied, taking a seat next to the orange fox.

“Well, you see,” Tails began. “The first thing I remembered was getting cornered in one of Eggman’s mechanical fortresses. A robot took me by the neck, lifting me yea high,” he described, standing on the couch and raising his arm up in close approximation to the height the robot took him.

“But then,” Tails continued, “You showed up.”

“I bet I mopped the floor with those mechanical thugs,” Sonic exclaimed, punching the open air as if fending off robots in real life.

“You sure did,” Tails replied, a smile on his face, as he dropped back down to the couch.

“But then,” he continued, looking up at the ceiling while rubbing his chin. “You took me away to a white void, and you disappeared. I was left all alone.” Tails’ voice became somber as his eyes peered down at his feet, dangling off the sofa cushion, too short to reach the floor.

“That’s how you knew it was a dream, right?” Sonic asked. “Because I would never abandon you like that in real life.”

“I know, Sonic,” Tails replied, a small smile returning to his face as he looked back at the blue hedgehog. “That isn’t even the craziest part.”

Tails proceeded to complete the story, telling his hedgehog companion how his detector led him to the Master Emerald, how the mystical gem filled him with immense energy, about the woman’s voice who spoke a mysterious hymn, and how he fell into a pit of death.

Performing a long whistle, Sonic said, “That sure is one weird dream!”

“It felt so real, too,” Tails replied.

Sitting in silence for a few moments, Tails stood back up, this time on the floor, and turned to Sonic.

“This may be a longshot,” he began. “But what if it was a sign?”

“What d’ya mean, buddy?” Sonic asked, not used to his little brother speaking in riddles.

“Well, I’m not quite sure,” Tails replied, placing an arm behind his back in embarrassment before he looked sternly at the blue hedgehog, allowing his arm to drop back down. “But I almost felt like the Master Emerald was…calling for me.”

Sonic looked at the determined fox in bemusement, unsure of how to respond to his theory.

“I say we stop by Angel Island and run this by Knuckles,” Tails proposed. “Maybe I can even bring some equipment, try studying the Master Emerald to see if it could help get the detector to work.”

The controller serves to unify the chaos.

“That hymn,” Tails said to himself, as it played back in his mind, pondering its meaning as he placed a hand on his chin.

“Either way,” Sonic replied, standing up and giving the orange fox a thumbs up. “We can see what Knuckles thinks.”

“You mean it, Sonic?” Tails asked, happy to see that the blue hedgehog appeared on board with the plan.

“Of course,” Sonic replied. “After all, I’ve been wanting to stop by Knucklehead’s island for a while now. No time like the present!”

“Then let’s go,” Tails said, rushing to put his sneakers on near the front door.

“Hold on a sec,” Sonic said, sticking his arms out, motioning Tails to stop. “You do know what time it is, right?”

“Huh?” Tails replied, with one sneaker on one foot and the other in his hands. Sonic pointed to the clock behind him across the living room.

“10:30 at night,” Tails said to himself. “I guess I lost track of time.”

After sharing a few laughs, Tails said, “I feel wide awake, though.”

“Well yeah,” Sonic replied. “Between our nap at the oak tree and your rest just now, it’s no wonder why you’re so awake!”

“I suppose I messed up our sleep routine, huh,” Tails asked, sticking an arm behind his head once again.

“No sweat,” Sonic replied. “We can just wake up for our morning run extra early tomorrow.”

Tails slipped off his shoe, placed them neatly back by the door, and proceeded up the stairs to his bedroom.

“G’night, Sonic,” Tails said as he walked past the blue hedgehog.

“Sleep tight,” Sonic replied, collecting the sundae bowls to wash before heading off to bed himself.

As Tails slipped into bed, pulling his comforter over his chest, he stared at the ceiling, reflecting on his prior dream.

“Even if it was just a dream,” Tails said, rolling onto his side. “I’m just happy we finally have a plan.”

Tails turned off his bedside lamp, turned on his alarm clock, and closed his eyes, excited to visit Angel Island and, with some luck, finally find some answers.  

*****

Chapter 3

Text prompts, team! Go crazy, be creative, have fun. 

[text] Today I asked my mother to buy me smaller condoms by mistake, instead of smaller tampons. If she pitifully looks at your crotch the next time you come over, don’t be confused.

[text] You yelled at the kitchen sponge and asked for the Krabby Patty secret formula. I’m pretty sure you were drunk.

[text] I just finished watching Alice in Wonderland for the third time in a row. I’m starting it again. I’m eating cocoa puffs. I’m a grown man. If you’re ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that you could be me.

[text] It’s been twelve hours and I think I’m officially ready to enter into the slutty stage of the break up phase.

[text] The last time I heard someone say ‘YOLO,’ I ended up getting arrested for pole dancing in the middle of a shopping mall. Too soon.

[text] On a scale of 1 to I should go prepare a grave for [him/her] in the woods, how’re you handling the break up?

[text] So anyway, the moral of that story is that they actually have a tiny jail in malls.

[text] I caught him masturbating to the Mario Bros. theme song. I’m marrying him.

[text] I just remember a disco ball flashing in the bathroom as I finger-banged a drag queen’s cleavage.

[text] You ran around town with nothing but my sister’s barbie doll taped to your junk.

[text] FUCK. FUCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S NOT SAFE.

[text] You know how I sent you that selfie of me peeing on a cop car? Burn your phone. And if the cops stop by your door, I have a twin named Miguel.

[text] THE BABY IS CRYING THE MICROWAVE’S ON FIRE AND THE DOG IS DRAGGING HIS NEUTERED BALLS ACROSS THE FLOOR. BABYSITTING IS EASY, THEY SAID.

[text] On the plus side I started dissolving vitamins into my morning bottle of whiskey.

[text] Please tell me you don’t know why the dean came to me asking why there was blood in our dorm.

[text] WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! THE SKY IS GREEN, THE GRASS IS BLUE, AND THE TRESS ARE JUST BLOWING THROUGH THE LEAVES!

[text] You told them the TV just grew wings, unbolted itself from the window and threw itself at the ground, and then started to cry because you believed your own story and thought it committed suicide. I’m pretty sure the police were justified in drug testing you.

[text] Hyyypothetically, if you happened to run out of toilet paper and the only other people in the bathroom were the two people having sex in the next stall over, would you act like you didn’t know what was going on and just ask, or politely wait until you heard the chick swallow?

[text] I am literally ashamed of what I would do for a Klondike bar.

[text] His grandmother ripped off her clothes and started belly dancing. I couldn’t look away. I blacked out and woke up in a fetal position.

[text] MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE WILL BE DONE RIGHT, DAMMIT. IT WILL BE DRUNK AND MEANINGFUL.

[text] I remember my bellybutton getting licked, your toe getting sucked and your ex-boyfriend doing better at deep-throating a banana than both of the gay guys in our class. What happens in the back of the bus stays in the back of the bus.

[text] I just caught two people fucking in a bathroom stall. At my church. While there was a sex addicts support group going on. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems a little counterproductive.

[text] She climbed on top of me and made out with me and then yelled at me when I got a hard-on. Bitch, nachos turn me on.

[text] If she was stupid enough to believe that you’re a student at Harvard, she deserves what she gets if she dates you.

[text] She told me she’d flash me if I tried to be happy. I thought she was joking so I laughed. Best mistake of my life.

[text] Don’t worry, if we end up getting chased by a murderer, we’ll just split up. Whoever he runs after, sucks for them. That means you’ve got like, at least a 50% chance of survival if you come camping.

[text] She called me a fuck twit today. I’m counting it as progress.

[text] The Trojan Horse shoved itself through the city wall, broke open, released a ton of little guys into the city and ruined everyone’s day. Explain to me how Trojan seemed like a good name for a condom brand.

[text] If you listened to the voicemail you got from me about how much I love [insert name here] … I totally didn’t mean you. I definitely meant this other person I know.

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credit

like this post and I’ll pick a sentence from this meme and turn into a short starter (one liner or with a bit of context)

you can specify your muse(s) and everything else if you want (fandom, what is Emma)

some sentences might need to be adjusted to work

I’ll copy them under read more as well in case the post disappears:

‘  i’m a snack but everyone seems to be on a diet.  ’ ‘  i’m gonna replace every bone in my body with a knife, if someone punches me they’re in for a surprise (the knife)  ’ ‘  let me just flirt with you and be a brat and send you cute half nudes.  ’ ‘  blue-flavored candy is always the best flavor of candy like what the fuck. blue raspberries aren’t even a thing. we are literally eating the color blue as a flavor and it’s fucking magical.  ’ ‘  touch id is pissing me off. ‘try again’ the fuck? it’s me with a lil chicken grease.  ’ ‘  call me in the middle of the night and tell me you can’t sleep without me.  ’ ‘  healthy relationships with fathers? sounds fake.  ’ ‘  me to my alarm in the morning: i was literally sleeping but go off i guess.  ’ ‘  do i blame my zodiac sign or my childhood traumas or both  ’ ‘  *eating microwaved ramen noodles and watching kitchen nightmares* i cannot believe this asshole didn’t use fresh chicken in his paella, unbelievable.  ’ ‘  my specialty: the accidental 12 hour nap in broad daylight  ’ ‘  quiet little moans while making out is the hottest thing ever  ’ ‘  date somebody who will go on a road trip with you to see america’s 10 most haunted places  ’ ‘  any vampires who need permission to enter my house…. you have my permission… you wanna come through my window in a flurry of fog and wind?  you can do that… wanna drink my blood and take me away to your big vampire castle? alright friend, go for it  ’ ‘  i’m the guy from the lady and the tramp who gives stray dogs pasta and stands in an alleyway playing an accordion for them  ’ ‘  *nervously calls crush bro*  ’ ‘  i don’t have trust issues. i have ‘seen that shit happen before my own eyes’ issues.  ’ ‘  fuck summer. i want it to be dark and misty and frigid and october.  ’ ‘  concept: we are holding each other in bed, we look at each other and know that all that waiting all that distance was worth it to be close now  ’ ‘  i’m so lucky to have gotten to watch you grow so much this past year. i’m so proud of you.  ’ ‘  i’m so protective of me now, i’ll cut somebody off for simply having the wrong energy  ’ ‘  why are you trying to make me horny. bitch, you know i’m making macaroni.  ’ ‘  date a boy who curls up on your lap, even though he is 6’2" because he loves cuddles  ’ ‘  going out on a date is cool and all; but what about simply sharing a bed with someone, listening to music and discovering everything about one another, together.  ’ ‘  we are drunk and i ended up sitting on the bathroom counter with my legs wrapped around you, but when i wrote ‘marry me’ on your hand with a sharpie, i wasn’t joking.  ’ ‘  you’re equivalent to my favorite color. you’re the human version of what is safe.  ’ ‘  one of the most toxic things i’ve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because i love them.  ’ ‘  you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when i’m not talking  ’ ‘  why would i fuck a demon? simple, the status. imagine rolling up into hell already havin had your back blown out by one of their own. imagine you and a gang of other losers standin at the gates of hell, they’re all crying, scared to death about having a pitchfork up their ass for eternity and you just walk into the arms of your sugar demon? legendary.  ’ ‘  i like wearing your clothes. they smell like you and your scent is home to me.  ’ ‘  *therapist voice* you are stupid and gay.  ’ ‘  i like to blame myself for everything just in case.  ’ ‘  the realist thing you can do for me is keep your word.  ’ ‘  love yourself enough to set boundaries. your time and energy are precious.  ’ ‘  i haven’t done anything but i sure could use a break.  ’ ‘  sometimes you just need to hear how much you mean to someone.  ’ ‘  who needs april fools. my entire life is a joke.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be near you, my heart misses you.  ’ ‘  i’m not trying my hardest but i’m very tired which i think should be taken into consideration.  ’ ‘  me @ me: don’t start buddy don’t you dare.  ’ ‘  so what’s next? you heal. you grow. and you help others.  ’ ‘  my kink is not setting an alarm for the next morning.  ’ ‘  if you think i’m cute send me money.  ’ ‘  one day i will take a good selfie and you will be sorry….. you will all be sorry.  ’ ‘  not a day passes where i don’t embarrass myself but it’s ok because i’m on the path to destroy my ego so i won’t be embarrassed anymore.  ’ ‘  there is no reason not to love with you whole heart.  ’ ‘  i hope your heart heals from all the damage it took over the years.  ’ ‘  sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and send that text.  ’ ‘  ‘i can see your nipples through that shirt’ first of all stop being ungrateful.  ’ ‘  so much is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s too much!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want to sleep in the forest for 190 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m tired leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ’ ‘  i heard you like bad girls. well i’m bad….. at everything.  ’ ‘  yes, i am fully aware that I’m The Worst™ but i still wanna be like……. loved and stuff.  ’ ‘  i really am, from the bottom of my heart, an actual fucking idiot.  ’ ‘  let me show you just how good i can be.  ’ ‘  i’m just tryna chill on a beach somewhere at 3 am.  ’ ‘  i have a serious weakness for thigh grabbing and hickeys.  ’ ‘  i’m a snail and god is salting me.  ’ ‘  i hate texting people who don’t use a billion emojis and a trillion exclamation points in their messages. just say you hate me and want me to die.  ’ ‘  being called baby?????? holding hands????!? being KISSED?!!!?!???????  ’ ‘  i hope your heart heals from all the damage it took over the years.  ’ ‘  my heart busts a nut every time someone tells me they saw something and they thought of me.  ’ ‘  i have hella heart eyes for you.  ’ ‘  you’re cute. i wanna kiss you for a whole hour.  ’ ‘  it’s pretty iconic to like yourself.  ’ ‘  i am so jealous of animals that get to hibernate, like what the fuck, why can’t i just sleep for four months and then return to real life.  ’ ‘  stop feeling sad and acting weird you bitch (the bitch is me)  ’ ‘  i’m still obsessed with you like it’s day one.  ’ ‘  to quote hamlet act iii scene iii line 92, ‘no’.  ’ ‘  i would have a cuter room if i wasn’t a goblin who threw all her shit on the floor.  ’ ‘  on two hours of sleep i’m either way too happy or violently homicidal.  ’ ‘  let’s go on a date and by date i mean lay in bed and make out for three hours.  ’ ‘  alphabet soup. more like times new ramen am i right.  ’ ‘  tbh it’s okay if no one else thinks i’m funny because i think i’m a riot.  ’ ‘  catching feelings is bullshit. i’m just eating french fries, why i gotta think about kissing you? fuck you.  ’ ‘  smiling is so weird like you stretch your eating hole to show happiness.  ’ ‘  self care is putting absurd amounts of parmesan cheese on your pasta.  ’ ‘  you didn’t go through all of that for nothing.  ’ ‘  get you a girl who loses her shit every time you send a selfie.  ’ ‘  i wish i could be there to take care of you right now.  ’ ‘  home is where the heart is and my heart has always belonged to you.  ’ ‘  i just wanna have soft glowy skin, long eyelashes, pink lips, rosy cheeks, lots of cash, and no responsibilities.  ’ ‘  ok but platonic forehead kisses.  ’ ‘  my heart is guarded but like… very poorly. the kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an r-rated movie.  ’ ‘  what doesn’t kill me doesn’t kill me (unfortunately).  ’ ‘  do you ever look at a boy and wonder if he moans as pretty as he looks.  ’ ‘  life tip: if nothing goes right go to sleep.  ’ ‘  by cute do you mean you wanna frick frack or do you mean i look 12?  ’ ‘  cats are very pickupable and i think that was a really good choice on their part.  ’ ‘  don’t depend on anyone. handle your own shit.  ’ ‘  there isn’t one alternate reality where i didn’t fall in love with you.  ’ ‘  being my ex must be the worst thing. imagine losing me?  ’ ‘  if i say ‘backstreet’s back’ and you do not say ‘ALRIGHT!’ we’re not friends. burn in hell, you sick fuck.  ’ ‘  i love every cat in the entire world. every cat on the planet. if there are any cats in outer space, i love them too.  ’ ‘  my mom is really that bitch and i’m that bitch jr.  ’ ‘  you know you’re fucked when their voice turns you on.  ’ ‘  don’t look at my fucking boner when we fight.  ’ ‘  not all heroes wear capes. a lot of them wear collars and are called dogs.  ’ ‘  it’s you. it will always be you.  ’ ‘  why do tattoos cost so much? i’m paying you to injure me.  ’ ‘  thank you for being the biggest light in my life and saving me from the darkness.  ’

Headcanons: The Bros as Roommates

I’m going off to college soon and was thinking about roommates, so this was born

Warnings: swearing of course

Noctis

Noctis just showed up one day looking for a roommate

You had no idea he was the Prince of Lucis, all you knew is he showed up with your ad and a wad of cash in hand (good enough for any broke person, right?)

You didn’t even find out he was the fuckin prince until like… four, five months into it? When you did find out, you were more pissed than anything else cause that meant he totally had enough money to buy a new microwave when he accidentally blew the old one up

He didn’t even tell you about him being a prince, you found out when his dad (the fucking goddamn King of Lucis) showed up one afternoon like “Hi I’m looking for my son” with the Shield of the King behind him

Schools might not have showed pictures of the King’s son, but you damn well knew what the King looked like and seeing him at your apartment door when you were in your bum clothes was terrifying

Noctis had a lot of explaining to do that night (after Regis and his shield, Clarus, joined you two for supper, of course)

Overall tho, he was an alright roommate

He didn’t bug you (in fact, he barely talked to you unless you initiated conversation or if he had to give you a heads up about some guests)

And much like yourself (probably, if you’re on this hell hole of a websight), he was a bit of a night owl. Dude stayed up until 2 am at the earliest, and usually slept to noon (unless he had a prince thing to do)

Your biggest two complaints? He constantly made messes and the boi had no fucking independence (you had to show this manchild how to do his own laundry ffs)

Oh, he’d also use your hair products and shit, too (so make that three)

Anyways, you’d come home after a long day of work and school and the damn apartment was a fucking mess like…? What the hell? There’d be overcooked mac n cheese on the coffee table, blankets and pillows all over the living room, crumbs everywhere…

Turns out, it wasn’t just him making those messes

One day, you showed up and there were just three other grown ass men in the room, roaring with laughter and playing poker with bags of chips all over the place and various drinks in their hands

It was the first time you had ever met Noctis’ best friends (and it was not the last, either), and you were a lil pissed that they had been making so many messes

Still, they were cool dudes and sometimes you’d play video games together

In fact, the more you saw of Noctis’ friends, the closer to Noctis you became. It was thanks to his little blonde friend, Prompto

Lil Prom always felt bad about the messes and noise, so he’d drag you into their fun and games (you both loved and hated him for that)

ANyways

The closer you became with Noct, the more you saw of his weird shadow, Ignis

You’d get up in the morning, walk out into your living room in nothing more than your undies and a sheerish shirt, and there Mr. Scientia would be, chillin’ with a cookbook in hand while wearing his best clothes

It was creepy; half the time it felt like you had a third roommate who didn’t pay rent

He’d just… be there. Sometimes he’d nag Noctis, other times he’d cook (always made some for you, too), and occasionally, he’d just talk to you (you lowkey got a crush on him as this went on)

Still, Noct was a great roommate at the end of the day, especially when you two became friends

Prompto

You were the one to find his ad, this time around

Saw a tiny ad on the craigslist of Insomnia and were just broke and desperate enough to take it

You had prepared yourself for the worst, but when you met Prompto, you found all your worries were in vain

He was the sweetest, most polite roommate you’d ever had (and probably would ever have, tbh)

He pretty much lived around your schedule, he’d always ask if you had to be up early so he’d keep the noise down if need be and he was super conscientious of your schedules

Boi was like a saint

If anything broke, he’d fix it in a jiffy

If anything needed replacing, he took care of it

And guess what else? Prompto Argentum can cook. He’d make meals a good few times a week (usually in bulk so he could have leftovers and save stuff), and he would always, always make you some

Honestly? If it wasn’t for Prompto’s cooking you’d probably have fed off of nothing but frozen food and stale chips

He wasn’t a master chef or anything by far, but he had some basic knowledge of cooking and he used it regularly

Sometimes you’d joke about having to marry him for that and he’d blush a bright tomato red every time (it was super cute, too)

The boi also C L E A N E D

To be fair, tho, he was also messy. Always making messes. BUT, he cleaned, which was more than you could ever ask for

He’d clean up his messes, your messes, the messes of friends… Just, he was a clean boi.

Once again, not super masterful at it, but he could clean pretty damn decently and you were not about to complain

Fun fact: Prompto forgot about the existence of periods, so if you happen to be a female who gets periods, good fucking luck lmao

Whenever you’d roll around in bed from the pain of cramps (or puking or crying or other such horrible things), he would absolutely panic

And when he caught sight of a bloody tampon or pad? Or a lil bit of blood on the toilet? Oh god, he was a wreck. He ran into your room, eyes wide and worried, demanding to know if you were okay. Boi even offered to take you to a doctor

Of course, when you told him that it was just your period, he was just embarrassed

Much to his credit though, he would make sure that the kitchen was stocked with chocolates and that there was a heating pad for you to use (and some pain meds), so yeah, probably the best roommate in the world

But the negatives?

He liked to talk - a lot.

You’d come home and if he was there, you bet your ass there was conversations to be had. Not a morning person? Too fucking bad. Prompto’s got some juicy convos to have with you at 8 AM

It was cute, yes, but more annoying than anything else (as precious as he was, it was sometimes too much)

Still, if you asked for a lil bit of quiet time, he would listen and back off immediately

That went with any complaint, he always listened and changed his behavior accordingly

And in saying that, if anything you did happened to bug him? He would bottle that shit up until he broke down crying

You never really saw many of his friends, but you quickly picked up that he usually went to their places (you eventually found out that it was so they wouldn’t bug you, bless his lil considerate heart)

The one friend you did see regularly was Noctis, and he was so chill that you usually barely noticed he was there (and when you guys did hang out, he was just as chill)

Sometimes, Prompto would have breakdowns or anxiety attacks tho

You weren’t always sure what to do, but you did your best to help him out or to comfort him (he appreciated it more than you ever knew)

In the end, you guys became great friends that knew each other pretty damn well. You guys would always end up accommodating for the other person in your daily lives without ever realizing it

Basically, you guys were G O A L S

Gladio

Gladio was the one who answered the ad

You were scared to death at first, but you had bills to pay and were desperate af

You were surprised when he was moving in, a good half of his boxes were books and he had a whole box of scented candles (the man had good taste, too)

Gladio was pretty gruff and he kept to himself for the most part

However, if something was bugging him, you bet your ass he would bring it straight to you to talk things out, and he expected the same in return

That was how he worked as a whole; he would do his best to make your life not shitty and expected the same from you

It wasn’t hard to avoid bugging him; he was hardly ever home (you later found out it was his job as the Prince’s shield, which explained a shit ton of his life)

Gladio noticeably left you and your shit alone, but eventually you two became closer (you probably bond over a book series or a TV show, things like that)

You bet your ass that once you guys became close, he borrowed your shit, teased you a bit, and boundaries went out the fucking window

He’d stolen more blankets than you even knew you had. There were times when he stole your hair brush or your shampoo, hell, he even started using your damn body wash (“That shit is fucking expensive, Gladio!”). You swear he even used your toothbrush once, but you could never prove it.

Still, y’all were close (Noctis once made a comment about the sexual tension, but neither of you ever acknowledged it)

Even tho Gladio intimidated you a shit ton in the beginning, when you two became comfortable around each other, his presence made you feel safer than anything else

If a robber or a murderer tried to break in, he would handle it faster and smoother than anyone else

Plus the creepy neighbor next door was too scared of Gladio to be weird towards you anymore (bless)

His little sister showed up a lot, too

You liked her so it was never a problem (in fact, you looked forward to her sudden visits). You always got a kick out of her nagging Gladio about his messy room or how he makes the apartment “smell like man”

Anyways, when he actually graced the apartment with his presence, there would be a candle lit and a book in his hand. Sometimes, he’d have some chill music playing and it wasn’t uncommon for him to hog the bathtub for a solid hour

Surprisingly, Gladio could cook. He didn’t do it often, but when he did, the apartment was full of delicious smelling spices and you could count on there being a great big steak waiting for you at dinner

More often than not, he just helped himself to massive cup noodles tho (it got to a point where you were concerned for his health)

You met his friends a few times, but it was usually in passing whenever Gladio had to grab something

The friend you saw the most was Ignis; sometimes he and Gladio would be up late drinking in your shared apartment, but they were fairly quiet and respectful (minus Gladio’s loud laughter and Ignis’ mild chuckles when they got too tipsy)

Despite seeing Ignis the most, you knew the most about Noctis simply from Gladio bitching about the shit Noct pulls with Prompto. Sometimes he’d just complain about his job, too, and through that you learned what kind of people his friends were and that was actually how you pieced together his job enough to get a proper response as to what he did with his time

Sidenote: Gladdy was never great with technology

You never, ever saw him watching TV or playing video games (unless it was with his other friends), and the few times you saw him on a laptop, it was a noticeably old model and he was grumbling about how he “couldn’t work the damn thing”

More often than not, you had to help him out with technology troubles; he was pretty shit with computers and such (it was pretty comical at times)

From there, you learned that he hated driving and didn’t even have a license. In fact, he just hated technology; the only reason he had a smartphone was because his job pretty much required it for communication purposes

In summary: Gladdy was old fashioned and you didn’t trust him alone with your computer

But yeah, you guys had a weird roommate relationship

He was hardly there, but you guys got along surprisingly well and even had some “self-care days” together (it was your idea, but when you guys tried it, he found he liked it)

Ignis

When he showed up, following up with the ad you put in the newspaper, you were pretty surprised like...

Those designer shoes? The impeccable hair? High quality glasses? The man could probably afford the best apartment on his own, yet there he was, at your own front door (turns out, he chose your apartment due to its close proximity to the Citadel and Noct’s  apartment)

When he actually was home, it was like he wasn’t there 

In fact, half the time you were like “Sorry? Roommate? What roommate? I only know the mysterious check that appears in the kitchen that always pays half the rent!” (dude was home even less than Gladio and his apartment)

The only way you knew he was actually in the apartment was when you could smell food being made or hear noise from the kitchen

In the beginning, Ignis was strangely firm with boundaries. He never went in your room or messed with your stuff unless it was out in the open (hell, even when you two actually became friends he wouldn’t get in your business)

You had to specifically tell him it was okay to go put your shit back in your room if he mentioned that you left something out

And if you went into his room or touched his stuff without asking? Oooo boi, be prepared for some saltiness in the few exchanges you had with him

The more you got to know Iggy, the saltier he was about things. Like if you purposefully did something to annoy him, he would be the most passive-aggressive person in the world

Even so (especially in the beginning), Ignis was very forward with problems or annoyances. If anything was wrong, he’d call it in to be fixed and let you now right after. He’d also tell you if you needed to clean something or if your appearance was… lacking. The closer you two got, the more forward he was

There were quite a few times when he’d tell you your room is a mess or that you look like a slob

Still, it took quite a bit of time and effort to get there. He was hardly home, and when he was, he pointedly left you alone after a quick nod of acknowledgement

In fact, he was usually doing work at the dining room table or actually sleeping for once, so if you wanted to talk with him, you’d have to initiate it

As mentioned earlier, he did cook or bake when he was home. Usually, he was trying to master a recipe and always had you test out his food

When you asked why, he merely told you that he had been exposed to the smell too long to viably give a proper response to its taste (in response, you told him he was a dork)

The more you got to know him (over a painstaking year, might I add), the more of a dork he seemed to be (he totally is a dork, btw)

At first, he had been uptight and mildly intimidating, but as time went on, you caught sight of the occasional fumble in his step, heard the dumb puns he said, and listened as he eagerly told you of one of the few hobbies he genuinely enjoyed

He also grew fond of you, much to your own surprise

He’d even make your favorite foods out of nowhere sometimes (he’d always say it was for practice, although you both knew the truth)

Iggy kept his job surprisingly private, even when he would stay up late working on documents at the dining room table. It took a long time for you to find out he was actually the adviser to the Prince. In fact, Noctis had actually been over a good seven or eight times before you found out

Still, even when you knew, Ignis never really told you what was going on in his job for the longest time. Part of you thought it was due to important secrecy, but when you asked, it turned out that Ignis didn’t want to burden you with anything (“Your life is rather stressful on its own, wouldn’t you agree?”)

It took several different conversation to actually get him to talk about work for once, and when he did, it was mostly just complaints and salty bitching about certain employees or mistakes others have done (it was pretty funny, actually)

Ignis never really had company over, either

In the beginning you seriously doubted that he had any friends at all

Despite how many times he told you that he had friends, you didn’t believe him until three of them showed up unannounced at the apartment at 11 AM on a Satuday, proclaiming that they were having a card game session whether “Specs wants to or not!”

You never thought Ignis would be friends with guys like the other chocobros, but when you saw them interact, it seemed like it shouldn’t be anyone else at all

In the end, even if Ignis wasn’t home a lot and even if you didn’t really know his friends too well, you guys did care about each other in a weird, subtle way. But hey, it worked