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itsokbbygrl · 28 days

Text

Make Me Sweat.

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Rating: Explicit, 18+//MDNI!!!!

WC: 6.8k (whoops)

Summary: Javi can't sleep. You can't keep it in your pants recently. Both of you find yourselves dripping on this sunny Saturday morning.

A/N: This is filth. I mean, it's written by me, so it's soft filth, sweet filth, but like, FILTH nonetheless. ♡ Written for my sweet new friend, Kricket @sugarcoated-lame for the @swiftiscruff friendship exchange, and inspired by P looking fucking delectable post-workout in that giant navy t-shirt. Thanks, bby boy. Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Tags: SMUT, PWP, reader understands basic spanish, author is requesting the reader to look up the minimal spanish used themselves if they can't figure it out with context clues, established relationship, f masturbation, sex toys, unprotected PIV, fingering, creampie, breeding kink, body hair mention, reader fits into Javi's oversized t-shirts, reader is able bodied and has female anatomy but otherwise pretty physically undescribed. i think that's it, lmk if i missed something egregious.

Javier woke with a start, heart racing, breaths coming quick and heavy. He closed his eyes and tried to slow, slow, slow it down. Concentrating on his breath, deep inhale, long exhale, again, again, until he felt the parasitic tendrils of his subconsciously derived nightmare recede. He sat up on his side of the bed and ran his palm down his face, the body-warm sheets pooling at the bend of his waist, the cool night air of the bedroom causing his skin to break out in gooseflesh. He peeked at the alarm clock on his bedside table. 5:43AM displayed in bright red light, the time taunting him. Too early to do much, too late to get much more sleep. Javi groaned to himself and decided to greet the day earlier than he anticipated. He leaned over to his side, dropping a soft kiss to the shoulder of his bed partner before lifting the sheets from his body and gently scooting out of bed to avoid waking her.

Javi quietly moved around the room in darkness, grabbing a ratty old t-shirt and some athletic shorts out of a dresser drawer before moving to another to grab a pair of socks and clean underwear. He gently opened the door to the bedroom and padded down the hallway to the kitchen. He grabbed the pad of sticky notes and a pen from the junk drawer and left a note. Couldn’t sleep, went to the gym. Be back in a bit, amorcito. Te amo - Javi. He peeled the note from the pad and stuck it to the coffee maker, knowing that was the first place she always stopped in the mornings, sure to be seen, before grabbing his keys and wallet from the bowl on the countertop and heading to his car.

“That’s it, mi amor, there you go. Just like that, cariño. Take it, take it, take it.”

You writhed from your place below him, face buried in the sheets of your shared bed muffling your unabashed sounds of pleasure, hands gripping desperately at anything they could find. Javi’s hips smacked loudly against the flesh of your ass, his cock hitting you exactly how you needed as he pounded into you from behind. You felt your orgasm building, the coil of muscle in your lower belly tightening, cunt tightening and fluttering around him.

“Can feel you, hermosa, she’s so tight, baby. You gonna come for me, hmm? C’mon, baby, come on it, need to feel you squeeze it like I know you can.”

You were right there, just a few more thrusts and you’d be tumbling over the edge. You tip your head to the side, wanting him to really hear it when you come for him. You let yourself be noisy, needy whines leaving your lips unbidden, tears springing to the corners of your eyes, the feeling of his thick cock so wholly overwhelming inside of you. You start to cry out in earnest as you feel your orgasm cresting, tears falling down your cheeks, pussy a tight, tight vice, gripping him so strongly you fear you may be torturing him just as much as he is you.

“Javier! Javier! Don’t stop, don’t stop, please, please, please, ple–”

You wake with a start. Daylight is only just breaking over the horizon, the cool orange and blue glow of the morning shining through your bedroom window. Your brain begins to register where you are, when you are. You groan and reach over, feeling Javi’s side of the bed empty and cool to the touch. You remember your dream and sigh, wishing he was here to finish taking care of you. You look at your nightstand and see the time—just after 6:30AM. You sigh and wonder where he is this early.

“Jav?” you call out. All that meets you is silence. You sigh and flop onto your back. You can try to get yourself off, but it’s never as good as when he’s there with you. You can be a proverbial teenage boy and take a cold shower to try to kill your arousal. You can try to push it from your mind and go make a pot of coffee and just start your day earlier than you’d planned. “Fuck it,” you say to yourself. You roll over to your nightstand and fish your trusty little vibrator from the drawer, turning to lie back and you shuck your wet panties.

You scoot yourself back, propping yourself up a little, making the angle easier to reach as you turn on your toy and bring it down to your mound, teasing yourself a little, trying to ease your mind back into the place your dream had left off. You part your legs, spreading your folds ever so slightly, and you follow with your hand, touch featherlight, barely gliding the vibrator around the outside of your clit. You whimper and let your imagination wander.

“There you are, cariño. Oh, she’s so wet, look at her drip. You’re getting our sheets so messy. That feel nice, baby?” you hear in his voice. You whine and nod to yourself, answering him. “Drag it lower, hermosa, hear how soaked you are?” You obey him, dragging the toy to your entrance, the vibrations meeting the sloppy mess there and causing an obscene splattering, crackling noise to reverberate through the room. You moan out loud at the sound, at how worked up you are. “Delicious, wish I was there to have a taste. Always so sweet when you wake up. Have one for me, baby, get it nice and wet and have a taste,” he instructs in your mind and you comply, dipping the toy inside and giving yourself a few shallow thrusts before pulling it out, viscous line of your slick still attached, snapping over your stomach and leaving drips of you behind as you bring the toy to your mouth and suck, cleaning it of the remaining stickiness and humming at the sweet sour taste of yourself.

You bring your vibrator back down, placing it back down just next to your clit, not wanting to end things too soon. You let Javier’s voice filter back into your head. “Beautiful, baby. Look at you. Goddess in my bed, making herself feel so nice. Go, baby, put it on your clit like you want. Dámelo.” You use your other hand to pull the little hood back, fully exposing the button of your clit to the air for the first time this morning. The feeling sends zings of pleasure down your spine and you shiver, pussy clenching tight with desire. You move the toy to press directly on your button and you see stars behind your eyes, mouth dropping open, a whiny moan escaping your throat.

“Mierda, cariño. Tan hermosa. Come on, baby, rub her nice and fast for me, want to see my girl come,” you hear him say. You click the button to increase the intensity of the vibrations from the toy and start massaging it in tight, firm circles on your clit, the pleasure almost unbearable. You release the little hood from your hold and use your free hand to push up your sleep shirt, pinching at your nipples. The added stimulation was exactly what you needed and you feel your orgasm crash into you like a tidal wave. You cry out in ecstasy, thighs closing of their own accord as your pussy convulses, waves and waves of creamy slick sliding out of you and down to the sheets below. When the vibrations become overstimulating, you press a long click to turn the toy off and toss it to the side. You lie there for a moment, catching your breath and coming back to reality after so thoroughly rocking your own world. You let out a little giggle, happy hormones flooding your system after such a good orgasm. You snuggle into the pillows for a moment, grabbing Javi’s from his side and inhaling the scent of him that lingers there. The smell of him makes you melancholic for a moment, wishing he had actually been here to experience your morning pleasure with you. You give his pillow a squeeze before putting it back on his side of the bed, throwing your legs over your side and forcing yourself to get up.

You head to your ensuite bathroom first. You strip off your sleep shirt and give your naked body a once over in the mirror, turning to the side and admiring the curvature you find there, a thing you despised for years, but have learned to love through the adoring gaze of your partner. You quickly clean yourself up and brush your teeth before walking to your dresser and grabbing a fresh t-shirt and pair of lounge shorts, throwing them on your body.

Once dressed, you make your way to the kitchen. Daylight has broken over the horizon, bright sun warming the space. You yawn and stretch your arms up high over your head. When you open your eyes, you spot a hot pink square attached to the coffee machine. Curious, you walk over to see what it is and make a pot to share with Javi, wherever he is. You grab the bag of grounds, box of filters, and the measuring spoon from the cabinet above, setting them on the counter, and pull the sticky note away, giving it a read. You release some tension you didn't realize you were holding onto now that you know where Javier is, but you frown knowing he was struggling with sleep, hoping it was just a one-off bout of insomnia and not a symptom of a greater issue.

You dump the requisite amount of coffee grounds into a filter, placing them into the brewing compartment of the machine, filling the water compartment and setting the machine to brew. You grab your favorite mugs—yours a, “World’s Best Grandpa,” joke gift from your little brother, his a vintage speckled cup you found while thrifting that he says reminds him of the mug his dad always used when he was a kid—and set them on the counter next to the brewing pot. You rest your hip against the countertop as the coffee percolates and think about Javier’s note, remembering the last time he dealt with insomnia.

It was early into your relationship. Javier had been home from Colombia for barely a year, still adjusting to the new speed of his life stateside, working the ranch with his papá. He had taken you on a date to the drive-in movie theater and fallen asleep within the first half hour. You’d noticed he had looked tired recently, but weren’t sure if it was your place to pry yet, so you let it be, figuring if it was important, he would tell you. You let him snooze for a few minutes before you gently shook him awake.

“Javier? Javi? Hey,” you softly uttered, rousing him.

“Hmm?” he sleepily replied, smacking his lips and tongue.

“You fell asleep. Is everything ok? Should we reschedule?” You ask, trying to convey nothing but genuine concern with your kind eyes and touch.

“I…what?” Javier starts, confused. “I fell asleep?” He’s visibly embarrassed, cheeks reddening and eyes widening. You can feel his heart rate pick up from where your hand rests on his chest.

“You did. It’s ok, I’m not upset,” you console him. “Just want to make sure you’re ok. Is everything alright? I know this,” you gesture between you, “is still pretty new, but, Javi, I want to know things about you. If something is wrong, I want to know, want you to tell me, want to help if I can. I really,” you trail off momentarily, “I care about you, Jav, a lot.”

Javier sighs and lets his head release, falling towards his chest. He takes a couple deep breaths before he meets your eyes. “I haven’t been sleeping. It’s been, fuck,” he swipes his big palm over his face, “a few weeks now? Can’t get more than a few hours at a time. I’ve been, umm,” he considers his next words. You wait patiently, soothingly rubbing your thumb over his chest. “I’ve been having these dreams. Or memories. I…they feel the same, I don’t know how to describe it. And I can’t, fuck, their faces, I can’t stop seeing their faces, cariño.” You feel something wet drip onto the back of your hand and look up, watching as two more tears fall from Javier’s eyes.

“Oh, Javier, come here, baby,” you coo, wiping his tears with your thumbs before winding your arms around his neck, pulling him bodily to you and holding him tight, allowing him to cry into your shoulder. The movie was all but forgotten that night as you turned down the radio and listened to Javier tell you everything he experienced in Colombia. He told you later on how he was terrified he’d scared you off after that night, but when you asked to see him again the next night, he knew you were something special, someone he didn’t want to lose. You come back to the present, hoping this isn’t his PTSD rearing its ugly head again, but prepared to help him through it, whatever he needs, you’re a team.

You decide to get a head start on breakfast, pulling the carton of eggs, the leftover stir fry veggies from your dinner a couple nights ago, and the cartons of strawberries and blueberries out from the fridge. You bend over to grab your trusty cast iron pan from the lower cabinet and place it on the stovetop, setting the temperature and turning on the oven. You reach for the radio that lives in the kitchen and set it to one of yours and Javier’s favorite stations, swaying to the beat of the music as you crack eight of the eggs into a bowl, using a whisk to whip them into a fluffy scramble before adding the leftover veggies. You season the mixture, dumping it into the pan, and placing it in the oven to bake, setting a timer to check it and fluff the mixture before it fully sets. You turn back to the countertop and grab a cutting board, preparing the strawberries when you hear the garage door open, signaling Javier’s return.

Javier was frustrated. He’d slept like shit, had only a mediocre workout, hit just about every red light on the way home, and then realized he’d left his ear buds on the treadmill after he parked his car back at home. He wished he could start the day over. He took a deep breath and tried to re-center himself before making his way inside, not wanting to drag you into his bad mood.

Javi expected to find you still in bed, the time just past 7:00AM on your day off, but he was pleasantly surprised to find you awake and puttering around the kitchen. He knows you heard him enter the house, but took a minute to admire you from behind while you worked, radio crooning one of your favorite songs, your hips swaying to and fro as you cut fruit for your breakfast. He knew he’d been staring too long already, surprised you hadn’t called him out on it yet, so he moved from his spot in the doorway over to you, gently removing the knife from your hand and winding his strong arms around your waist.

“Morning, hermosa,” he said into your messy bed hair, taking a moment to hold you and reset his day. He felt your body relax in his hold, your hands resting over his own, tilting your head to the side and exposing your neck to him. Javier knew to never look a gift horse in the mouth, tilting his head down, nosing along the tendon there, leaving a soft kiss on your pulse point before continuing their descent lower, down your neck and across your shoulder. You sigh and he smiles.

“You stink,” is the first thing you say to him this morning and it makes him laugh, the two of you long past pulling your punches around each other.

“Went to the gym, did you get my note?” Javier checks.

“Mmhmm, thank you for leaving it. Made me feel better, knowing where you were.”

“Mm good,” Javi replies, giving you a squeeze before releasing you to continue fixing your breakfast. “What’cha got going there, baby?”

He watched you pick up the knife and deftly get back to work. “Have a frittata in the oven, slicing up some strawberries, figured we could throw them in with the blueberries since they’re getting old and need to be finished. Made us some coffee, too. Your mug is out on the counter if you want a cup,” you turn your head and nod in the direction of the mugs. He walks by and kisses you on the cheek before grabbing his mug and the full coffee pot, pouring himself a cup.

“Want me to make you one?” he asks, watching as you shake your head in response.

“That’s ok, thank you though. I’ll fix my own in just a minute, want to finish this first,” and as you finish your sentence the timer beeps. Javi leans his hip on the counter, watching as you bend over, giving him a prime view of your juicy behind. Far too invested to care if he gets staring, he notices your cheeks are bare, loose legs of the shorts doing little to conceal what lies beneath as they ride up just enough while you’re bent over the oven, fluffing the eggy mixture of the frittata. He changes the angle, leaning further to the side and tilts his head to get a better view, fully perving on you now, and he catches a peek of what he’d hoped he’d find. Your sweet, soft, wholly bare pussy greets his eyes. Tan hermosa, Javi thinks, loving the way he can see wetness lingering on your lips. He whistles low and soft, causing you to turn to face him, shutting the oven door and resetting the kitchen timer.

“What?” you chuckle, crossing your arms over your chest, inadvertently drawing his eyes to your breasts beneath your shirt.

“Just enjoying the view,” Javi replies, taking a slurp of his coffee, casting his eyes down to your now hidden pussy, before lifting them back to meet your gaze. He watches as your breath hitches ever so slightly in your chest, eyes growing wider. He knows you know you’ve been caught, thinks it’s sweet that you still find it a little scandalous being caught bare around him after how long you’ve been together, everything you’ve been through together. He glances at the timer, 10 minutes remain, he can work with that.

He sets his mug down and moves forward, caging you between his broad chest and the countertop. He’ll never get over the way you look at him, how much want he finds in your eyes. He still can’t believe he gets to call you his, permanently, that you’d wanted to keep him forever just as much as he wanted to keep you. Javier brings a hand up to cup your face, brushing his thumb along your cheekbone and feels you nuzzle into his palm. “You’re a naughty little thing, aren’t you, cariño? ¿Dónde están tus bragas, hmm?”

He feels you smile against his palm. When you speak, you’re looking directly into his eyes. “Had to take them off, they were all wet.” He anticipated your dirty mouth, but didn’t expect you to say that. He shakes himself out of the stupor.

“Oh?” he starts, softly dragging his hand along your jaw, briefly pinching your chin between his forefinger and thumb before they continue their journey down, down, down, over your neck, between your clothed breasts and lower, over your stomach, the muscles jumping at his touch. “Why’s that, baby? Something happen while I was gone?” he asks, touch feathering where he knows you're desperate for him before taking mercy and cupping his wide palm over your heated sex.

“Might’ve,” you sigh, teasing him right back. He loves this about you, you always give just as good as you get, keeping him on his toes.

“Yeah, cariño? What happened? Tell me, baby,” he requests, pushing the heel of his hand up, giving you more of the pressure you’re craving. He feels you tuck your face into his neck, grinding down into his touch, your arms winding around his neck to keep him close, as if he would ever pull away from this, from you.

“I had a sexy dream,” you start. “I, mmm, I—you were railing me, Javier, so fucking good,” you take a second to rub into him, breath hot and damp against his neck. He’s going to get light headed with how fast the blood is rushing to his cock. “You had me face down, ass up. You were, ahhhh, so fucking deep, stretching me so good, had me screaming for you, and I, fuck, I woke up right before I came,” you finish, fully whining now, grinding with his hand in a slow, syrupy rhythm.

“Ángel, mierda,” Javi says. “Need me, baby? Need me to touch that sweet, neglected little cunt?”

“Not that neglected,” he hears you mumble into his neck.

Javi drops his voice to that deep timbre he knows works you up like nothing else. “That so? ‘M I gonna be spoiling her? Giving her this much attention? Sounds like you took care of her already, hmm?”

He feels you shake your head and hum a “uh uh,” sound. You peel your face away from his neck and tilt your head back, leaning up to whisper in his ear. “Made her come once, but she needs you, too. Please, Javier, amor, te necesito.” And how can he ever deny you when you ask so nicely?

“Jump up,” he requests, grabbing you by the waist to help guide you as you hop up to sit on the counter. He reaches to the hem of your t-shirt, dragging it up your torso. “Lift,” he instructs, and you comply easily, raising your arms overhead as he finishes pulling the garment up and off you, tossing it to the side, using both hands to gently knead at your breasts. You smile and sigh at the feeling and he hums in approval, wanting nothing more than to please you.

Javier grabs your hands, cock twitching in his shorts at the sheer size difference between you, and brings them to pick up where his own left off. “Touch, feel yourself, cariño, there you go,” he encourages, watching as you squeeze and pinch and flick at your own nipples, little quakes traveling through your body at the feeling. He slides his palms beneath your shorts, pushing them down, caressing his hands over the swell of your ass as he goes. You lift yourself up helpfully as he tugs the garment down and off your legs. You’re a vision from his place at your feet, gorgeous tits in your hands, your cheeks heated, breathing heavily, eyelids fighting to remain open. He watches you shiver and he gets an idea.

He reaches behind his neck and tugs his own sweaty t-shirt away from his body. He flips it around and bunches it up in his hands. “Arms up, hermosa,” he commands. You release your breasts from your grip and look at him, eyes glazed over in pleasure. You give him a slightly confused look, but comply, once again raising your arms above your head. Javier carefully guides your arms through the holes before pulling the shirt down over your head.

“Winnie the Poohing it in the kitchen on a Saturday morning. Casual,” you joke, giggling, and it lights his heart on fucking fire. So sexy, so smart, so silly, all rolled into one perfect package for him. He sends a thanks to the heavens, assuming his mamá pulled some strings up there to bring you to him, unable to explain it any other way. He chuckles with you, easing the tension slightly, cooling you both off a little before things get too hot too fast.

“Always so fucking sexy in my clothes,” he remarks, unable to help himself.

“Trying to get me in the shower with you, amor? Could’ve just asked,” you retort cheekily, gently tugging the sweaty t-shirt away from your body.

Javier hums. “No, mi ángel, s’not that…know I’m about to be covered in you—my fingers, my mouth, my cock are going to reek of your sweet pussy, might never be able to get the smell out.” To drive his point home he reaches his hand down to where you’re absolutely weeping for him and drags two of his thick fingers through the wet mess he finds there, coating them thoroughly in your juices before bringing them up to his nose and taking a deep inhale, groaning at the scent of you, before stuffing them in his mouth, sucking and savoring the taste of you. “Wanted you to reek of me, too. Fair is fair.”

Your smaller hands dart out from where they had been holding his shirt, grabbing his face and hauling his mouth to yours. The kiss is feverish, desperate, teeth knocking, tongues aggressively searching each other’s mouth. Javier brings his fingers back to your cunt, gathering your wetness and coating them thoroughly before teasing one at your entrance. The feeling makes you gasp, pulling back from the kiss enough to nod, before he sinks his finger inside you. The tight warmth he finds within your body is incomparable. You both look down to where his finger slides in and out of you, watching the obscenity of it, the beauty of your creamy slick coating the single digit. He gives you a few pumps before adding a second finger. He can feel the stretch of your walls, working to accommodate him so graciously.

“Good girl, baby. There you go, just relax and let yourself feel it. S’nice, so fucking wet, cariño, look how creamy you are today.” He hears you groan at that, your breathing picking up as he explores you from within, curling his fingers to rub against the soft spongy spot he knows makes you see stars.

“Think I’m, shit, think I’m ovulating. Or close, or something. I’ve been so needy, can’t get enough of you. Need you in me, on me, around me all the time,” he hears you say and it almost knocks the wind out of him. You’re not done yet though and you continue, “Honestly, I’m not even mad about the shirt, think the fucking stink of you is making me drip. Pheromones or some shit. Had to shove my face in your pillow this morning after I came,” you finish.

Javi uses his free hand to push his shorts down, finally freeing his hard cock to the warm air of the kitchen. He’s leaking, tip shiny with pearlescent wetness. He uses his free hand to swipe it from his head onto his fingertips, and brings them up to your mouth. “Open for me, hermosa. Taste me, take me inside you like this first, baby.” You’re looking at him like he hung the moon just for you, and maybe he did. He would. He’d do anything for you. You open your mouth for him, so soft and sweet and plush, and he feeds you his own slick at the same time that he removes his soaked fingers from you and brings them to his mouth, getting another taste of you, feeding each other in the most primal way.

Javier grabs his thick cock in hand and gives himself a few strong pumps to take the edge off, loving having your eyes on him like this. He steps back towards you and grabs your right leg first, bending it at the knee, opening your hip wide, and placing the heel on the countertop, messy pussy on full display for him in this position. He swipes his cock through your wet folds, coating himself in your slick again and again. He rubs his head against your clit over and over and over, nerve endings alight, zipping pleasure through both of your centers.

“Javi, baby, fuck, please, please, I need you inside me, please put it inside me,” you beg. And who is he to deny you when you ask like that, his earth angel. He notches his cock at your entrance and starts pressing forward, the wide head of him popping through the tight opening of your sex, both of you moaning aloud at the feeling. He’s overcome with the feeling of being inside you like this. You’re so wet and tight and hot—the temperature of you something he can never replicate on his own.

He presses forward firmly, but gently, knowing he’ll always be a stretch for you to take. “Doing so good, hermosa, keep breathing for me. There you go, let me in, baby,” he praises, having learned his words do wonders to help you focus on the moment and keep your muscles relaxed. He uses his thumb to rub soft circles into your clit, watches as you shiver at his touch, feels you soften further, sweet pussy dripping more slick around him to help him slide forward. Before he presses all the way inside, Javier draws his hips back, cock sluicing out, and presses back in. He repeats his slow, shallow thrusts a few more times, obsessed with how your cunt is coating him in thick creamy wetness, the squishing sound it makes with every movement intoxicating.

He looks at your face as he presses in deeper, extending each of his next thrusts until he’s fully sheathed. Your eyes are closed, mouth agape, lips bitten and kiss swollen, your eyebrows raised in pleasure. You’re breathing heavily, chest rising and falling visibly as you let out the most beautiful noises he’s ever heard. You’re unreal, a goddess divine, and he will gladly worship at your altar until the day he dies.

“Baby, ángel, mi amorcito, eres toda mi vida, me tienes para siempre,” he lets the words fall from his lips prayerfully, immediately making good on his promise.

“Javier, javier, fuck me, amor, fuck me harder,” you gasp out to him and who is he to defy the will of the divine?

“Hold onto me, amorcito, gonna give you what you need.” Javi feels your hands slide around his sides under his arms as he continues to thrust in hard and slow, wrapping your arms around his back and holding onto his shoulders before wrapping your legs around his hips, locking your ankles in the dip of his lower back. “There you go, baby, so perfect for me. Stop me if it’s too much, ok?” He lifts your chin with his finger, meeting your eyes to make sure you’re both on the same page. You look wrecked and he’s sure he’s no better off. He leans forward, capturing your lips in a kiss far less debauched than the last.

You break away and rest your forehead against his, the gesture releasing a thousand butterflies within him. “Ok, I will, I promise,” you reply sweetly, and Javier lets himself go. He immediately pulls almost completely out of your wet clutch before throwing his hips forward, hard. It punches the air out of your lungs on a scream, so he does it again, and again, speeding up with each thrust until you’re nothing more than an animated moan. Your fingers are clutching at his shoulders, half moon divots of your nails leaving him branded with your pleasure.

Javi knows you’re doing well, that you feel good, but he hasn’t made you make that sound yet, the one he knows so well, the one that makes your eyes roll back and body go limp. He changes the angle, bending his knees and tucking his hips under to get leverage towards the front wall of your soaking cunt.

“JAVI, there, there, there, oh fuck, please, baby, don’t stop, please,” you cry out, your pussy squeezing him so hard he fears he may come right then. You start to whimper, breath hitching over and over and he knows what comes next. You can’t help yourself when it gets like this, he knows, so it doesn’t scare him anymore when he sees you start crying, tears streaming down your cheeks. He knows it’s a way for your body to release, ease the tension that’s been building within you. He moves the hand bracing himself against the cabinets to your cheek, wiping away the tears as they flow, giving you the comfort he knows you need when this happens.

“So beautiful, amorcito, so sweet for me, soft little pussy doing such a good job, baby. She’s holding me so tight, so nicely,” he babbles, listening to the way your pussy absolutely squelches for him. He wonders if you’re right, if you’re ovulating right now. The thought sends a shiver down his spine. The most primal part of his brain ignites, making it hard for him to think about anything other than pumping you full of his spend, his seed, letting it take. You’ve talked about it, you’re both open to the possibility and decided to let nature run its course. If it happens, neither of you will be upset about it, and now, he wants it to happen, wants to be the cause, strut around with his chest puffed out, showing the world that you’re his, his goddess incarnate creating life through nothing but your love and pleasure.

He’s brought back to the present when he feels you rocket through your orgasm. Cunt squeezing him so tightly he thinks you might push him out. He hears you scream his name as he continues to drive hard into your favorite spot, fluttering walls of your pussy massaging him from the inside. “Javi, javi, oh shit, fuck, I’m–Javi, I’m gonna—” he hears you get out before he feels a splash against his lower belly and he looks down just in time to see you squirt all over him and the kitchen floor.

“Cariño, mierda, gorgeous, so fucking amazing, look at you coming for me. You’re unreal, mi diosa, mi cielito,” Javier praises as he slows his thrusts, knowing you need it softer after such an intense experience. He strokes his hand over your hair soothingly, petting you gently before bringing his hand to your cheek, tipping your head to look at him and he smiles when he meets your eyes. “There you are, baby. Did so good. You ok if I keep going? I’m close, promise, I’ll be careful with you.”

You smile back at him and his heart clenches in his chest. Your smaller hand comes up to cup his cheek, mirroring him, stroking your thumb along his cheekbone as he did for you. “Go, baby. Want you to come for me. Want you to come inside me,” you encourage him. Not for the first time this morning, Javier feels time stand still.

“But you said,” he starts.

“I know, I know what I said. Do it. Come inside me, Javi. Dump it deep, make it stick.”

Your words rattle around in his brain on loop, it’s all he can think about as he picks up the pace again. He tucks his arms underneath your knees, lifting them up and pressing them back towards your shoulders, opening your sweet center to him fully. He looks down, watching his big cock disappear and reappear over and over again, shiny wet and covered in your come, the thatch of hair at his base coated in your thick white creaminess. He’s going to do what you asked. He’s going to come so deep inside you that it can’t help but take. He’ll give you whatever you want, would give you his own life if you asked.

You must feel him tensing, knowing he’s close, because he feels you sweetly push his sweaty hair back and lean forward, leaving a soft kiss to his damp forehead before giving the wet beads there a little kitten lick, giggling cutely as you taste the saltiness and curling your tongue back into your mouth. Content little menace, teasing like you didn’t just get fucked within an inch of your life, he thinks. It works for him though, spurs him on as he thinks about more of you, little yous, in the world. He groans and feels his balls pulling up, knows he’s right there.

“Come, Javi, please. Want it, fill me, baby. Come on,” you chant, moving your arms down to grip his ass, pulling him into you. He moans loudly, giving you one, two, three more strong pumps before he releases. He convulses with the force of it, spurt after spurt of thick come coating you from the inside. You hold him tight, stroking your hands gently up and down his back soothingly. He feels cherished here in your arms and he can’t imagine being anywhere else right now.

BRRRRRRRRRING, BRRRRRRRRRING, BRRRRRRRRING, BRRRRRRRRING

You laugh and Javier feels it from inside you. “Eggs are finished cooking,” you say nonchalantly.

“Yeah, hopefully,” Javi says under his breath. He grunts softly as he pulls himself from the warmth of your body. He notices you move to get down and get the eggs and he stops you immediately. “No, you stay right there. And keep your hips up, need all the help we can get,” he says as he nods towards the devastating mess of your pussy.

His words send a shiver through you and you whimper quietly, staying in your position as he requested, reaching a hand down to cup your mound and hold in as much of his come as you can. The sight makes him feel feral and he growls. He leans over and kisses your forehead, lingering for a moment before he pulls away to get the breakfast you so kindly prepared for the two of you out of the oven.

“Mmm, smells delicious, cariño. Thank you for cooking for us,” Javier praises.

“It was nothing, really. Easy recipe. It’ll be a good one to use with kids actually, can use it to trick ‘em into eating their veggies, too. Just load it up with cheese,” you chuckle in reply. Javier looks at you with stars in his eyes, the way you’re already making considerations for an expanding family. He can’t help the way he pulls you in, kissing you with everything he’s feeling, how thankful he is for your presence in his life, how deeply in love he is with you, how excited he is for your future together. You give it to him right back and he knows.

“Thank you,” he reiterates, leaning his forehead against your own.

“Of course, Javier. Can’t imagine doing it for anyone else, with anyone else. Now can you please run to the bedroom and grab me a pair of panties from the drawer? I’d like to be able to use this hand at some point today,” you laugh and he laughs in return.

“I’ve got you, hermosa. Un momento.” Javier scampers to your bedroom, grabbing your favorite pair of comfort panties before making his way back to the kitchen. He holds them up and you smile at him in a way that lets him know he made the right choice. He helps slide them up your legs and over your behind, using his fingers to flatten the waistband around your hips. “Here, let me grab your t-shirt,” Javi says, moving to grab your discarded clothes from the floor.

“No, Jav, it’s ok. Want to wear this one,” you reply, nuzzling your face into the shoulder of his dirty, old t-shirt. He swears his cock gives a feeble twitch at the sight.

“Ok, baby, that’s fine. You can keep that one,” he confirms and holds out a hand to help you hop off the counter.

“Good,” you reply, hands dusting off your thighs, the shirt fitting you in your favorite way, as you’ve told him, just covering your panties. “It makes me feel sexy, I can’t really describe why, but I do. You’re just so fucking broad, baby, your shirts hang off me, it’s hot as fuck,” you’d told him once and he never forgot it.

“We’ll have to get you some more, make sure you have plenty of options,” Javier started. “Need you to be comfy while you cook,” he finished, reaching a hand out to casually graze against your lower stomach. He looks up to find your jaw dropped open, eyes getting that faraway, glazed over look, and he knows what’s coming next. “Baby, your breakfast,” he reasons.

“Fuck breakfast, we have a microwave. Can you go again?” you ask, reaching out to palm at his semi-soft cock.

The feeling of your hand against his sensitive skin makes him shiver. “For you, cariño? Always.”

Thank you for reading. Please leave a comment or reblog to support fandom authors!

#ppcugiftexchange2024 #javier peña #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena narcos #javier pena smut #javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #narcos #narcos fanfiction #javi p x reader #javi peña #LJ writes

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rafesfavgirl · 27 days

Text

jj maybank headcanons

pairing: bf!jj x fem!reader

context: jj maybank as your boyfriend.

words: 657

warnings: definitely +18. mdni. daddy issues, marijuana use, alcohol use, abandonment issues, attachment issues, physical and mental abuse, SMUT

jj's 100% the definition of a "golden retriever" boyfriend.

your relationship doesn't start out all sunshine and rainbows at first, though.

y'all were definitely a friends with benefits to lovers story.

at first, y’all kept it completely physical because you were both afraid of getting too attached and hurting each other.

jj felt like this, especially. he just didn’t think he was good enough for you.

but even when y’all were just fucking, he’d do the sweetest things for you. including making sure you were all cleaned up afterwards.

once you started dating though, the sweetness only amplified.

he doesn’t have much money, but he ALWAYS brings you flowers that he’s picked from somewhere—whether that be some kook’s garden, the country club, or even outside the chateau.

you are his absolute number one priority and the most important thing in his life.

you’re his ray of sunshine.

whenever things get bad at home with luke, you’re the first person he comes to.

when luke hits him and he shows up at your door with bruises, you nurse him back to health.

when luke talks down to him and makes him feel like a piece of shit, you reassure him that he’s not.

“you’re perfect, j. it’s not your fault.”

he’s terrified of losing you.

sometimes he thinks you’re going to see all his flaws and leave him just like his mom did. you always tell him otherwise, though.

“i’m not going anywhere, baby.”

when he gets anxious after all the pogues start fighting, you squeeze his hand three times and that makes him feel better.

he’s convinced he doesn’t deserve you.

he always takes you out on adventurous little dates—and sometimes, y’all get in trouble for it.

you’re his number one surfing buddy.

he was the one who taught you how to surf.

your family’s the family he’s never had.

he loves when your family invites him over for dinner and he gets to play with your little siblings, who absolutely adore him.

when you and the pogues smoke together, his favorite thing is when you hold the joint out in front of him and let him take a hit that way.

you always help him with his party trick when he tries to do it on the hms pogue.

you’re the only one who can keep up with him when it comes to taking shots and drinking. john b, pope, and kie always tap out.

sometimes you get insecure about his close friendship with kie, but he always assures you that it’s only you.

“i love you. you got that?”

his favorite nicknames for you are mama, princess, baby, and baby girl.

you’re the only one he’s ok with addressing him by his full name—jesse james.

don’t think everything’s perfect though, sometimes you fight too.

especially about guns. and jj getting into fights.

you always nurse him back to health regardless, but you hate when he gives in and scrambles with whoever.

fights are non-negotiable if someone says shit about you, though.

not only will he go against your wishes about him fighting, but he’ll make sure he wins.

speaking of jealousy, it doesn’t happen often, but he definitely still gets jealous every now and then. and he loves reminding you that you're his.

“you’re mine, princess.”

he’ll show you that in bed too.

and since it's jj, he's an ABSOLUTE FREAK in the sheets, and kinky as hell too.

he'll tie you up, eat you out, and make you cum over and over again until you beg him to stop.

he loves bending you over and fucking you while giving your ass a little smack.

he chokes you occasionally, but prefers pulling your hair.

he will lick anything off of you and tease your clit until you're squirming.

he definitely has a daddy kink too.

when you give him head, he loves giving you facials.

and his favorite position is your legs on his shoulders.

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

click here to be added to my tag list!!

#jj maybank #jj #jj obx #jj outerbanks #soft jj #cute jj #cute jj maybank #jj headcanons #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank smut #jj smut #jj fluff #jj hcs #jj maybank headcanon #jj maybank x reader #jj x y/n #jj x reader #jj maybank x y/n

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 22 days

Note

You should post the full screenshots, in light of everything that has happened. Not to start drama, but people should know who not to continue having a relationship with on here and block. The community feels so unsafe now that we know anyone you are talking to could be laughing at you on discord or doxxing you on social media. I only come to tumblr for the hotd fandom and it just seems to get worse here every month.

Hello, anon.

I was going to let this lie, truly I was. I was reached out to by the person behind the comments made approximately half an hour after posting, an exchange in which I was gaslighted and levied with implied threats in a style I am very much familiar with from this person. I did, however, state that I would not escalate matters without provocation. Learning about past events, while upsetting, is not a new provocation.

That has changed upon learning that my good friend Ange, @ewanmitchellcrumbs, has been receiving screenshots of specific things these users have been saying in a group chat with originally six members, now five, via burner accounts. Presumably, this is the efforts of one/two members trying to deflect from what Ange has learned about @rafeism's doxxing efforts by suggesting it was another member in the group responsible. And in the last hour, burner accounts have been attempting to share very obviously doctored screenshots attempting to assign mean-spirited comments about other writers in the community to Ange. I believe this is the work of one or both of the original two people I called out in this post, and I strongly suspect that my answering this ask will invite continued instances of this behaviour or even a direct public post incorporating edited screenshots to defame us and divert from accountability. And finally, I was informed via anon that a lawyer would come after me on the basis of lies and misrepresentation, which is a direct threat and something I will not abide.

I said I was going to expose it all if I learned of any fresh fuckery. And alas, I have. This was asked for, and now my hands are tied.

My original post was about Bel, otherwise known as @succnfuccubus or @valeskafics, and Fae, @eyelinerandcigarettes or @barbiedragon, both of whom have been historically prominent figures in the House of the Dragon fanfiction community on Tumblr.

In July of last year, Bel made a commentary post criticising fanfiction writers who did not write anal intercourse with an appropriate amount of attention paid to preparation. This was perceived to be an attack against another fanfiction writer with whom she had noted enmity at the time, @arcielee, who had written a fanfiction work that arguably did or did not meet this criteria. I do not know and cannot claim expertise on this, as @arcielee and I have mutually blocked each other some time ago. What I do know is that several of @arcielee's mutuals observed the possibility that Bel's post was about this fic; the user Cal, @bucknastysbabe or @bnb-atnite, despite having had absolutely no prior connection to Bel, decided to call her out in a public post for it. Ange, with no context other than thinking a mutual of hers (Bel) had been targeted by this user, defended Bel, believing at the time that the post was not aimed at this writer or at any specific writer she was aware of.

This prompted Cal to divert her attention from Bel and turn it toward Ange, claiming that she had been told by "dozens of people" that Ange was quote-unquote toxic and abusive, claiming to have screenshots of this though she never shared proof, and essentially spending a good several hours (the specificity of which I can no longer recall, though it was certainly over the span of 24+ hours) responding to asks that 'came forward' with incredibly inappropriate commentary about Ange's personal life and friendships under the guise of "exposing her", without however actually committing to concrete proof beyond this. I will note that several of these posts discussed the nature of Ange's marriage to her husband and outright stated that Ange was parasocially fixated on Ewan Mitchell, without proof of this. I was a peripheral target of this, though it was clear the issue was with Ange specifically. This seemed to be the efforts of a few isolated users with personal grudges against her, masquerading as anonymous users to create the perception that this toxicity was widespread. I still do not know what prompted this explosive behaviour, and have absolutely no interest in hearing from this user directly to find out.

All in all, this served to bring Bel, Ange and I together, and we created a group chat on Discord on the 26th of July 2023 so that we could discuss the effects of this effort.

Fae was added a day later, as a close friend of Bel's and an ongoing mutual of both mine and Ange. Fae had previously had a conflict with another user named Shruie over her perception that Shruie had borrowed elements of her story writing to create her own works. Shruie received hate over this, which Fae had previously stated to me was not her work. Shruie went to Cal's blog, submitted an ask publicly slandering her and us by association, and thus it was decided that Fae would join the group too.

This group originally revolved around venting over the ongoing effects of Cal's decision to publicly slander us, and the fallout of this. We received a few hate anons and several people unfollowed or distanced themselves from us all because of it, and we were all understandably angry and upset about this. This anger is justified, and I absolutely still maintain that.

However, I and others in the writing community learned that Shruie had received a number of anons with racist connotations, specifically that she had been called a 'paki' and sent rat emojis. I still am not aware of the culprit behind the 'paki' anon, but Bel herself admitted to sending the rat emojis to Shruie:

I would like to note that Fae reacted to this with the react.

I did not call this out. I should have. But given that Bel was capable of this, the idea of addressing her behaviour directly made me nervous, and so I ignored this revelation and tried to cling to the hope that if I concentrated on building closer friendships with these two women, the hate Cal was levying would die down. Eventually, it did.

However, the vitriol these two women would participate in over the course of the months we identified as 'friends' was nothing short of ugly. They did not want to speak about writing-related topics at all; the entirety of their conversation revolved around making inappropriate and at times downright nasty comments about other writers in the community, many of whom I was completely unaware of. A great deal of the time, I would ask who someone was, as I did not know them at all. Other times, I would 'lol' at a comment to further the conversation along, and I will admit to also participating in some unkind venting about people I feel had been unfair to myself or to Ange. I have already reached out to these people specifically and apologised for this behaviour, as it does not reflect who I am as a person.

Further complicating things, Bel shared the private details of a user whom we had all blocked due to her association with Cal, including the sharing of her full legal name and her private social media account. I have screenshotted this and redacted heavily as evidence it exists, but I do not wish for this information to be known public. I have already initiated conversations privately with this person to provide them evidence.

I need to be clear. This is a crime. The ONLY fortunate thing about this matter is that this information was shared specifically to Ange, Fae and I, and Ange nor I are the type of person to have acted upon the sharing of this information. To this user, I am sorry I did not reach out before now. I am sorry that I allowed our previous longstanding enmity to fuel my inaction. To this user, I promise that my knowledge of your real name or social media presence will not be revealed to anyone. I have not shared this information in any way whatsoever, though you are already aware I have spoken to a close friend of yours and asked them to pass the bare facts forward to you.

Even worse, Bel has also shared this person's image and mocked her physical appearance, which again I have a redacted screenshot of:

During the months in which I was friends with Bel and Fae, I was influenced to believe in several untruths. First of all, Ange and I were informed by Bel that a user we shall call E had deliberately chosen to speed-write a fanfiction work about Ettore in order to post it before Ange could finish her Ettore series as a means to 'drown out' her update. This fact had originally made Ange upset enough to complain without naming E directly in my public Discord server, something which spurred E to receive numerous hate anons and spark the conflict that I currently believe eventually spiralled into Cal's decision to publicly slander us. I requested evidence of this from Bel while I was writing a public post about it, so I could attach evidence. I should have known that her inability to provide it was a problem.

I was influenced to believe that another user, @targaryen-dynasty, had created her server as a means to spread inappropriate rumours about me and Ange to her mutuals. I created a falsified Discord account and joined her server to see if this fact was true; when I failed to find evidence of this after a period of time, I exited the server. I have already apologised to Laura for this, and freely admit it was stupid of me to do so. She has not engaged in inappropriate commentary about me on her server and I am happy to publicly share this. We have mended bridges, and moved on. I have also apologised to Sam, @randomdragonfires, for being unkind about her in response to Fae's upset that she had written a Daemon fanfiction work. There are many people I have been unkind about that I earnestly wish I had not been, and I have done my best to apologise for these things.

What I have not done is engage in the following.

I have a number of screenshots wherein these two women admit to sending anonymous hate messages to various users. I have reached out to who I can to provide them unredacted versions, but I will be redacting names for privacy reasons. These are throughout and as I have a photo limit, I cannot provide every single one. Here is an example:

I wish to also share the further evidence I have of racial escalations from these two women against a writer of German heritage. I have reached out to this user to share directly, but will redact the name for privacy reasons.

There are numerous instances of further hate to many, many writers. To those of you who suspect you may have had comments made about you, I invite you to reach out to me in private if you wish to know exactly what has been said. To those of you who I have already informed, I am deeply sorry I allowed myself to be silent.

Over the course of this 'friendship', I began to pull away from the internet. I barely interacted online, even with Ange, who is one of my absolute best friends on here. I did not write at all. I couldn't. I was paranoid, anxious, full of anger and fear. I was ruined. Fandom was ruined. These women ruined me. I watched on from a distance as Ange began to grow distant with Fae and Bel in the group chat, as it had been MONTHS and they were still behaving in the exact same angry, bitter way they had when they first joined the group chat. Ange grew increasingly frustrated because Bel had commenced a pattern of using Ange's content to heavily inspire her own.

It all came to a head when Bel learned that her 'enemies', Jo and Karina, had unblocked E and @arcielee and mended bridges. She decided to do the same, and in doing so apparently informed E that Ange was at fault for any and all conflict that had occurred, and I presume any and all hate anons that had been sent to E. Ange learned this because E reached out to her and sent a barrage of furious messages telling her that Bel had 'told her the truth', which Ange was completely bewildered by. Here is the exchange that effectively ended the group chat:

You will note that Bel's story is different here. I do not have screenshots verifying what Bel specifically told Ange the conversation was about, as it was a private conversation. If Ange wishes to add to this and bring this conversation up specifically, she is invited to do so.

Not long after this, seeing little point, I ejected Fae from the group and decided to leave it for the time being. You see, after learning this last fact as above, I had a very unfortunate suspicion that things were going to turn sour for us. I was right, and boy am I glad I have the evidence to dismantle the lies that have been told about us.

For a time, we existed in limbo. Bel and Fae and Ange and I had a series of lukewarm interactions that were largely brief in nature. I think we all knew that the friendship was about to come to an end.

Then, Ange reblogged an opinion post about her dislike of the bimbo trope being used for Michael Gavey fics, believing many examples of this to be an incorrect and wildly offensive representation of what writers thought was the ‘bimbo’ trope. This prompted Cal to go on another rampage, ugly and public, and one I will not post screenshots of because let’s face it, everyone is aware that it occurred. I do have them, though. I can provide them if anyone insists. She spent further time calling Ange out for being ‘toxic’, eventually having it die down when her posts failed to gain much attention. I did hit out at a few of her mutuals who tried to claim for some reason that Ange was a racist (?) because she expressed worry about Ewan attending a Con, and hoped his fans wouldn’t behave inappropriately to him. I digress. Irrelevant. The result of this all was that Bel, without warning or notice, reached out to Cal to ‘make amends’, despite having gone through all the above. Despite the fact that she was supposedly friends with Ange, who had had her marriage, her life mocked and insulted by this woman. Over what? A perception that Ange was insulting her for her love of the bimbo trope.

Ange told Bel directly that she wasn’t a fan of it but that she didn’t care either way that Bel wrote it if it made her happy, and Bel told her this was fine. Bel choosing to befriend Cal was something Ange and I felt was a massive, massive betrayal. We blocked Bel, and we moved on.

This was one of my final interactions with Fae:

I ended up blocking Fae because I learned she unfollowed me, and I presumed it was because of her friendship with Bel. I knew what Fae was like, didn’t want her to have access to my anon inbox, and so I blocked. For a very brief time, things were somewhat approaching peaceful. Until I started learning that people I barely associated with were being targeted. I learned that @marthawrites had been blocked by Chris and from her, that Bel/Fae/Cal/Chris had made reference to a quote-unquote “frightening degree of hatred” for me and Ange. From her, I also learned that Bel evidently had a burner she used to “camp out” on my blog and make screenshots of everything I said so she could mock it in her group chat. She did the same to Ange. I received a number of strange or unkind anons during this period, and so I can only speculate as to the person involved. I also learned that Bel has a habit of calling me “pedo” or “Pedo Em”, which I can only assume has something to do with the fact that my main character in my fanfiction is 17 when she is married. In A Song of Ice and Fire, this is tame.

I was deeply upset to learn this, and I made a vague-post. Within hours, I received the anon from this post, prompting me to respond in the manner I did. See, me being called a pedo is not a widely-circulated insult from my knowledge. It had to have been Bel to send it. Interestingly enough, she reached out to me not even an hour after my post went up, claiming she’d been sent a screenshot of it. I don’t believe this. Here is the exchange:

What surprised me most was when a formerly incredibly staunch friend of Cal and Chris, and Bel and Fae by association, reached out to me via a different account before completely deactivating. She grew tired of the relentless hatred circulated in the group chat she previously shared with them, and left. This prompted the entire group to block her, only after Chris called her names and Cal had what was described to me as an “absolutely psychotic” rant at her. She is struggling. She was very close friends with them, and despite having engaged peripherally in the commentary they have circulated against me and Ange for a while, I cannot hold it in my heart to be angry with her for believing lies her friends have told her. She has told me that they would repeatedly mock me and Ange, constantly trash-talked about us for months, make claims of all manner of insane things, and yet never provide a SINGLE instance of proof for this.

I would like to now provide clarification for some of the specific rumours that this former mutual informed me have been spread around about me and Ange.

Ange and I are racists who told Bel off for wanting to write Bollywood HOTD fanfiction. This is categorically untrue: see this screenshot for proof that this was never mentioned.

Ange and I bullied Fae whenever she mentioned getting her treatments for her condition (which, by the way, she has discussed online and is therefore ALSO not doxxing). See the screenshots for proof that Fae has never once mentioned it. There are specific phrases that can be searched for also, but because she has not been specific about her illness online I will not disclose the nature of this.

I have made nasty comments about Chris’s child. See the screenshot below for evidence that it is in fact Bel who called the child “a little fucker”, among other things.

Ange and I have doxxed people. See…… all the above as proof we have not. This was likely a pre-emptive deflection, and I am disappointed but not surprised by it.

That I have sent hate anons to the group, which they claimed was verifiable through their 'hacker' mutual. However, the former mutual of theirs that reached out to me has sought professional feedback about this claim, and it has been concluded that the so-called hacker was "right-clicking on page analytics" in a manner that cannot possibly reveal the identity of the anon-er. Furthermore, I didn't. They have been blocked by me.

I am responsible for @emilykaldwen blocking Cal and others. See this exchange wherein Nat informs me she already had Cal blocked. As for the accusations of a block list, this is categorically untrue. I have no screenshots to share because there are no screenshots at all. Because I did not do this.

I don’t know at this stage what else has been said. If anyone has anything further they’d want clarification for, I’m sure I could find evidence to disprove it. There are further statements that are wholly untrue that, as I do not believe they have been disclosed by any party in public, I will not share here.

None of this should have happened. None of this should have happened. How DARE you all. You have spent FAR too long abusing this fandom for your own sick, selfish amusement, and I am done. Nothing that has ever happened here was begun by either myself or Ange, and the fact that even NOW you are all attempting to redirect the blame on us or even on each OTHER is truly, truly shameful. I have owned up to the part I have played. I have apologised to the people who I have hurt, whether they had known I did it or not. That alone makes me better than you will ever be, because even now, you fail to take accountability for the full scope of what you have done. You have minimised, redirected, falsified and manipulated everyone because you do not know how to admit you were wrong without taking whatever opportunity you can to get 'the last dig' in.

What was the purpose, ladies? What is possibly going on in your life that being so angry, so hateful filled you with so much joy? Now, you’ve gone past the point of no return. You cannot come back from this. You cannot deflect from this. I’m sure you’re going to try to, maybe even to come up with “evidence” that none of this is true. You’ll lie, you’ll scramble, and you will not apologise, I’m sure. You should. Do you understand how far past the line you have crossed? Do you understand that we are actual, real people? This isn’t a game where you’re making sport out of upsetting a bunch of pixels. Ange is a journalist. I am a teacher. We are adults with full time jobs and full time lives and full time human experiences, and you have done your absolute level best to destroy us. I don’t understand why. I don’t understand how you could do this to another person. I don’t know what to do to make you stop. Do I need to deactivate? What do I need to do? You have terrified me beyond belief. I am so, so afraid of you. Does that make you happy?

I’m just speechless.

And to those of you still—STILL—clinging to supporting these women… You’re either stupid or just as horrible. The fact that people on "all sides" of this fandom have reached out to me and cleared the air should be telling enough, but I cannot change what you refuse to accept. I really don’t know what your problem is with us. With me. We’ve been holed up doing nothing for months, and that STILL wasn’t enough for you. This isn’t a game. This isn’t something you can win. This is real life, and you are making people suffer. For fucking fanfiction.

I am open to letting bygones be bygones if you genuinely didn’t know any of the above information. However, to the four of you—Bel, Fae, Chris, Cal—I do not wish you kindness. I do not wish you empathy. I do not wish for anything at all but for you to leave us alone, finally. You have burned just about every bridge possible, and the only people at fault are you. If you attempt to ‘reconcile’, your burners will be reported. If you attempt to further slander us, your posts will be reported. We are in the process of figuring out what legal recourse there is, because this has gone beyond ‘mean’ and straight to cyberstalking and criminal offence. I want you to take a good, long think about why on earth you ever thought any of this behaviour was okay. And then, I want you to stop. Stop. No one’s safety is worth your ego on Tumblr.com.

To everyone else. Please don’t get involved. Do not send any anons, any messages, any vitriol to these women. Let them reflect in peace and silence. Or let them bang at the walls of the prison of their own making. Let them lie to themselves as much as they wish.

I don’t know what to do anymore. But if anyone does have a similar story to tell about these women, please reblog this and share it. It'd be nice to know I'm not alone.

#hotd fandom drama #hotd writers #hotd writing community

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your3fundamentaltruths · 3 months

Text

"Penelope Isn't Owed Colin's Feelings"

Some parts of this fandom have a tendency to elide and otherwise get twisted the following regarding 2x08: (1) why many of those who are unhappy with Colin are unhappy with Colin and (2) why many of those who sympathize with Penelope sympathize with Penelope. And that's only more apparent in the reactions to the season 3 scene released on Valentine's Day.

It's not about thinking Penelope is owed Colin's feelings.

People are unhappy with Colin because of how he expressed that he wasn’t interested in Penelope – both because friends shouldn’t talk about their friends that way in general and because she’s in a more socially precarious position than he is and his seeming to think her less-than only makes her prospects worse. Even if Penelope didn't have feelings for him, it still would have been viewed unfavorably.

Some like to say the latter point about damaging Penelope's prospects isn’t a big deal because Penelope didn’t have prospects before 2x08 so she’s not losing anything when it’s actually a bigger deal for that very reason. Speaking like that about a Daphne/an Edwina/another popular, sought-after girl would be seen as sour grapes or otherwise not reflect badly on the girl, but saying something like that about a wallflower who has no dowry is just pushing her further down and increasing the likelihood that she’ll never have any prospects, particularly when Colin’s just been seen leading her out of a ballroom after being regularly spotted in her company. What’s wrong with her that, despite all that, the notion of courting her is not just unappealing but laughable? the rest of the ton will wonder. And Colin will recognize why this wasn’t great because he’s a fundamentally decent and sensitive person and will likely also recognize that Pen’s confidence is ground to dust at the beginning of the season. Neither of these things will sit right with him. Hence, the “confidence lessons.”

Yes, Colin’s not perfect and he's allowed to make mistakes. He's only human. But this mistake hits Pen (and the audience) harder because he's otherwise been good and kind. And because we know, even if she doesn't in that moment, that he will feel very badly about it because he's a good guy and will hate to have hurt her.

Penelope falls in love with Colin (even if not in the fully-fledged, "see all of you" way that they both will this season) because of the kind of friend he is to her, i.e., his kindness. The fact that she develops these feelings in the course of their friendship and that these feelings sometimes influence the ways she acts doesn't make her some kind of awful predator lying in wait who feels entitled to having her feelings returned as I've seen implied by some. This makes her someone in love with her friend, which is a necessary part of a friends-to-lovers story. Hope ≠ entitlement.

And people sympathize with Pen not because they think she can do no wrong or because they believe she is owed Colin’s feelings but because, even knowing that no one is owed anyone else’s feelings, they see her grappling with unrequited feelings in particularly painful ways. In season 1, they watched her have a front-row seat to the person she loves romancing someone else, mostly in her own home, up to an engagement and near-elopement. At the beginning of season 2, they watched her and Colin talk past each other in the "you do not count" scene in a way that hurt her, even if they know that was not Colin's intent, after the pair of them spent the off-season writing heartfelt letters. They watched her hopes build up all throughout the rest of season 2 until the very moment she overheard him (more on that shortly), even if, again, it would never have been Colin's intent to confuse her or lead her on. Colin and Pen are simply not on the same page.

So people have all this context coming into 2x08. But most of all, they understand how badly it would hurt to hear anyone you care about, let alone someone for whom you have feelings (and doubly so a dear friend for whom you have feelings) say something like that in that tone and laugh, let alone in your own home on the same night you've just lost your best friend.

Relatedly, let’s talk more about why the Featherington ball was a night of such high highs and low lows for Penelope. Up until that point in the season, Colin had shown her such care, including just a little while before and, while for him it is exclusively in the spirt of friendship, it's very much unintended mixed signals, i.e., more talking past one another. The ways Colin expresses his friendly affection for Pen are at odds with what was widely considered appropriate behavior in their time between a man and a woman who are neither related nor romantically involved. In fact, by the standards of Regency England, Colin is taking very significant liberties that are inappropriate between opposite-sex friends of marriageable age who have no intention of becoming more than friends (and even between those who are romantically interested in one another but still unmarried). For example, Portia would have been considered justified in demanding that they marry just after finding them alone together behind a closed door in 2x08 doing nothing else otherwise untoward – and likely would have, had she not been so shaken up by Colin figuring out the gemstone scheme. And, yes, Pen is not pushing back, is meeting him where he is, because she likes it and because she also values their friendship and wants it to mean more – but, in the context of their time, it’s even more understandable that she’d read more into it than someone now. And even someone now might read into some of the things Colin says and does and get confused and then hurt upon learning they're wrong and that their friend only has friendly feelings toward them, particularly in the way Penelope is forced to learn that she's wrong.

Does that mean Penelope's reaction in the new clip is the kindest or fairest? No. But she’s human and she’s hurting. She's a lonely nineteen-year-old girl really struggling to find her place in the world who heard her dear friend express his lack of interest in her in a really disdainful-sounding way inconsistent with both his immediate and long-term private treatment of her. That’s really jarring and she not unreasonably concluded that this happened because he finds her embarrassing. If you were her, might there not be a little voice in the back of your mind wondering whether this is even the first time he’s spoken about her that way when he thought she couldn’t hear him? Still, I expect she’ll also feel badly that she spoke to him the way she did, especially in the face of an earnest apology from Colin about what he said, or she wouldn’t accept the offer of the confidence lessons and it would take longer for them to get to where they are in the “remarkable shade of blue” scene in the second episode. Let's give her space to come to that place. Let's show her a smidge of grace instead of assuming the worst of her and anyone who sympathizes with her.

Lastly, some of the same people who are mad about what Pen said and how she said it in the Valentine's Day clip (1) complain about the way the fandom is too hard on Colin for not saying things exactly right and (2) spent months preemptively raking Pen over the coals for "ghosting" Colin, for holding "never dream of courting Penelope Featherington" over his head for ages, for publishing it in Whistledown to punish him rather than talk to him directly, etc. So let’s give her a little credit for ultimately saying it outright to him, even though it must have been mortifying to do so when she believes she embarrasses him. Did it feel nice to Colin not to receive any replies to his letters? Of course not. It wouldn't feel good for any of us. (Side note: I hate that his family seems to have mostly left him on read, too! Don't get me started on that.) But would you want to reply to someone whom you believe you embarrass and who you believe has been two-faced toward you (i.e., being kind and friendly in private and laughing at you in public)? But to her credit, when confronted, Penelope does say why she's upset.

And no, Penelope does not owe it to Colin to further mortify herself by explaining that her feelings for him made his words last season that much more hurtful. (I’ve seen people criticize her for that, too.) Not sharing every single thought and feeling that crosses her mind does not make her Bad – neither a bad friend nor a bad person. Again, have some empathy and be honest: is there any scenario in which you would you be eager to tell someone you had feelings for them after hearing them laugh at the thought of you being a serious prospect for them? If Penelope does at some point admit her own feelings (and the longevity of said feelings) before she hears a declaration of love from Colin as she does in the books, then she is brave as hell and hats off to her, but not doing so at this stage would not be some dereliction of any friendly duty to Colin, especially not if she forgives him for his words as we know she does.

Actually lastly: not forgetting something entirely doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven someone for it or are trying to punish them for it. It would not only not be Bad but also entirely understandable if Penelope had doubts when first confronted with a proposal from Colin later in the season, especially if it immediately follows the carriage scene. It would not be unreasonable for her to think this arises from a sense of gentlemanly obligation or lust or both, especially when she's familiar with his tendency to want to play the hero and when she has every reason to believe that his engagement to Marina came on the heels of a seduction. Grappling with understandable insecurities, including a fear that she might be inadvertently entrapping him, too, would ≠ Penelope trying to punish Colin for 2x08 or for not having feelings for her from the start if the show goes down that route.

#polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #bridgerton #I love them and I wish people would just allow them BOTH their humanity #and not assume the worst of people for trying to do so

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mysterycitrus · 5 months

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Hiii can i ask ur thoughts abt damian... lately ive been a little obsessed and u have such a great grasp on dc canon... id love to hear what u think abt him !!!

for damian, a huge part of his motivation is (both real and imagined) disrespect. there’s this pervasive interpretation of him where he’s a swing the sword first, ask questions later kinda guy, but the truth is that he gets provoked, interprets this as someone being condescending, then acts.

tim is kind of an asshole when they first meet, and damian has no context for when he’s joking or not. dick is an adopted child, who threatens damian’s place in the hierarchy. tim put him on a list of people he specifically doesn’t trust, etc. he can definitely be very rude, absolutely, and a lot of that ties into how addresses people (“grayson” to “richard,” as an example, from his surname to his first name as dick earns his trust). he’s very rude to steph, and ironically damian is also very condescending depending on who he’s talking to, but again he has a high opinion of himself and how he should be treated by others. the biggest change is that he learns that others are also owed respect, regardless of their birthright or status.

a lot of this ties into bad faith interpretations of him as a literal feral baby, when that just isn’t reflected in canon at all. he’s talia’s kid, he was raised as literal royalty, and he does not need etiquette lessons from alfred pennyworth. he doesn’t bite people at galas, he doesn’t need help to do his math homework, and he respects u when u prove urself to him. he starts out with a very distinct black and white idea of the world, and slowly learns otherwise.

im a big fan of steph and damian’s friendship in particular, because like dick she exists in opposition to his worldview. she isn’t a wayne or an al ghul, she’s just a person who independently decided to do good. she was also mistrusted to the point where it led to her death, but she is still kind, still loving, and still motivated by empathy. the same as dick being batman, that’s confronting. she looks past what everyone else sees (the al ghul heir, a murderer, etc) and acknowledges that he’s a little kid who’s never learnt to play.

because he’s prickly, it’s easy to misinterpret his intentions. the same as bruce, even when he’s being respectful, people can assume the worst out of him. and that’s hard! he genuinely wants to do good. he has to unpack so much in his head about how to act, and what the idea of respect means in this new context. him being robin is a crucial part of that — it isn’t an insulting mantle as a placeholder for his eventual ascension into the bat, it’s simply something more.

#i hope that makes sense idk me brain no work good #damian wayne #stephanie brown #robin #batfam #dc comics #the ask and the answer #ty for the q!

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sandboxer · 7 months

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Why Phoenix and Edgeworth are exceptionally well-suited for kink

The short answer: because they’ve been doing it together for the entirety of their professional lives.

The long answer: because they’ve been doing it together for the entirety of their professional lives.

After the events of 1-4 (and to some extent 2-4), Phoenix and Edgeworth regard one another as friends. Edgeworth begins to help Phoenix in investigations, they treat each other with (relative) kindness, and they see one another outside of work.

In court, though, little changes from their first encounter to their last. The two remain antagonistic—and at times, almost nasty—toward one another.

To me, this dichotomy looks a lot like kink.

There is nothing tender or kindred about their interactions in the courtroom. Their court scenes are seldom wholesome or sweet. Instead, each man pushes the other to the brink of their abilities so as to reach an ultimately Good goal—a climax, a just verdict. And often the path there is not paved in kindness. Edgeworth does not cease his insults, and Phoenix doesn’t lose the urge to triumph over Edgeworth. So does the courtroom magically trigger some kind of latent hatred in the pair?

Clearly, this isn’t the case. Rather, it is because of the profound respect they have for one another’s abilities that they are able to have heated arguments in court and trust that the other will turn the content into some sort of logical conclusion or use the momentum to piece together evidence. Their in-court personas maintain a sort of hostility/antagonism throughout their association, not only despite their friendship, but because of it.

And is this not kink? Is kink not the assumption of roles or dynamics that may be unpleasant outside of a scene, but serve a wonderful purpose within it? Is kink not the exorcism of strong emotions within agreed upon boundaries? Is kink not pushing one’s partner to the brink of their desires and abilities, armed with the knowledge that 1) it is acceptable to do so and 2) the activity will conclude in some sort of satisfying ending as a result of the exertion?

Consider this passage from The New Topping Book:

Play pushes both top and bottom out to the far ends of the spectrum. Each player, in traveling further out, supports the other in going yet further. Thus as a wonderful scene progresses, the bottoms get smaller, the tops get bigger, and the larger the territory we encompass: we move to the outer ends of the spectrum, generating something like centrifugal force, spinning further and further out while holding each other safe and tight.

In pushing each other out further toward the bounds of their comfort and intellectual abilities, Phoenix and Edgeworth generate this same kind of force. It’s like pulling a rubber band taut, only so that you may let go and feel it snap. The two-handed pull gets converted into energy. When it’s time to let go, both men let the band snap, and the energy they’ve created is released. The case is won or lost, whatever the result of their joint effort. Their reciprocal pull out to the furthest ends of their comfort is crucial to reaching the correct verdict. Such is kink—the eroticism of extremes and the otherwise unacceptable, so that the rubber band can snap that much harder.

I see a lot of parallels between their dynamics inside and out of the courtroom and a couple who gets off on, for example, sadomasochism. For these two, court is kink. It is a bounded realm of unpleasantness brandished for the heightened reward it produces. It is assumed personas that cut deep into the heart of their wielder. It is the trust that outside of that bounded context, those assumed personalities may dissolve, and the dynamic need not persist.

#narumitsu #wrightworth #I was up all night rotating them in my mind and had to get this out of my brain gn #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #c thinks

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haesunflower · 1 year

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zb1 finds out they were not your top pick

genre: reaction, comedy, sad for some

pairing: reader (mostly gn) x all members of zerobaseone

about/tags: reaction when they find out you didn't one-pick vote them or they weren't your main pick

established relationship unless stated otherwise, yujin's context is friendship only, bullet point reactions, lowercase intentional, junhyeon and jeonghyeon make an appearance!

⠀⠀ kim jiwoong ⠀⠀

"babe i have a confession to make"

you sounded so serious and you looked so nervous, so he put down his phone to put all his attention into what you were going to say

then you confessed that you were so busy during one-pick voting you didn't get to vote for him consistently and it was eating you alive

he released a sigh of relief then laughed

is kinda endeared with the fact that you blurted that out to him and that it warranted a "confession"

honestly was kinda unbothered

he made it in the debut group and that's all that matters to him

stands up to place a kiss on your head

"that's it? don't worry about it babe "

⠀⠀ zhang hao ⠀⠀

he founds out because he finds your voting certificates screenshots

he kinda deadpans and goes "ricky? you voted for ricky??"

and you have to explain that you were sure he was gonna land AT LEAST 2ND no matter what, so you had to vote for other people you wanted in the lineup

he agrees with your stance

and commends your argumentative reasoning

you end up talking about the strategies you applied in the different rounds of voting, and he shares about his strategies when choosing concepts for each mission

you're both very smart people that understand how survival shows work

⠀⠀ sung hanbin ⠀⠀

when you tell him that you alternated voting him and zhanghao during the one pick round he jokes that maybe that's why he ended up in 2nd place

but he's genuinely joking, he says that whole sentence with a huge smile on his face

you don't take it a joke and you start crying

full on tears

"i'M soRRY it's my fault as to why you don't get your own song"

you look like this (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`) at this point

he giggles and kisses your tears away

"love...i was joking, please stop crying"

"i cAN'T"

⠀⠀ seok matthew ⠀⠀

actually....this one might cause a fight

he actually has to leave the room for a while to think it over

i can see him being so sad over it like :(( "i thought you only supported me"

keeps bugging you to ask who you ended up voting for

when you answer jiwoong he sorta just goes..

"....ok fair"

but he's still going to be sad about it

is very open with you that he feels disappointed

your relationship is very new though so he's trying to be understanding

you work 10 x harder to reassure him that you're his #1 priority nowadays

⠀⠀ kim taerae ⠀⠀

he's lying on your lap when he asks "you voted for me everyday right?"

"well....."

immediately sits right up

"you see, there's just so many talented people, i couldn't really choose....and well..."

you're trying to make up words as you go, rambling at this point

the truth is you voted for him every damn day you just wanted to see his reaction

he's so patient with you and holds your hands as you're trying to explain

makes direct eye contact with you, eyebrows knit awaiting the point you're getting at

you realize you took it too far

so you just bring out your phone and pull out your album of voting certificates

"i'm joking. sorry, i just wanted to get your reaction"

literally smiles so big and takes the phone from your hand as he scrolls through the album

album name: for taerae's dream

⠀⠀ ricky ⠀⠀

this one is an actual fight, well, a petty one

you're getting ready to go to dinner with friends when ricky facetime calls you

"i heard from taerae that you like jeonghyeon"

and you're like ??? "yeah i think he's talented, why?"

"he's your one-pick?"

"if you're asking if I voted for him, then yes i did"

then he just hangs up

he ignores the calls and texts you send after that, and literally doesn't reach out to you again until the next day

he caves when he opens your 50+ unread messages & sees the pictures of a long handwritten apology in 3 diff languages (yes, idol-like apology)

he smiles, then realizes he's supposed to be annoyed, then smiles again

he didn't mean to be this petty so he calls you back to apologize as well

⠀⠀ kim gyuvin ⠀⠀

when you're playing truth or dare and he asks you who your one pick was

he instantly regrets it

"don't feel bad okay, but it was gunwook"

he pretends it doesn't bother him but it does

mainly because he previously compared himself to gunwook a lot and he's starting to think that even in dating you, there's competition

and it doesn't help that you guys are so fresh into the relationship

he forces out a little laugh but I guess you can tell it's fake

bc you distract him from his thoughts by kissing his nose

"stop overthinking silly, i said it WAS...was like past tense"

takes your word for it, and holds your hand tightly, intertwining your fingers

⠀⠀ park gunwook ⠀⠀

never let him find out .

i'm serious never .

mainly because you know how gunwook gets

he likes it when your attention is on him 100% of the time

but that failed when one of your alarms went off and it said "vote for junhyeon"

he just looked at you like ᯣ_ᯣ what do you mean vote for junhyeon

you had to explain that you had another device where you were voting for junhyeon every day too so that he could debut with his best friend

while you expected him to be kinda pouty he totally wasn't

he just looked at you softly before tugging you into a warm embrace and said

"thank you for always thinking of me"

⠀⠀ han yujin ⠀⠀

(not romantic) (if you want to know why read my important announcement)

after the finale, the class groupchat blew up full of congratulatory messages for yujin

in midst of the chaos, of your classmates exposed you for being a gyuvin stan

classmate a: yah y/n, why are you typing you didn't even vote for yujin

classmate b: all you did was talk about gyuvin everyday

yujin sends a photo of gyuvin's autograph he promised to get you

yujin: guess this is going in the trash, y/n

you: waIT NO plEASE yujin i voted for you up until we could only pick one

yujin just seenzones you

everyone laugh reacts at the message exchange

A/N: this was funny thanks for requesting!

૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

✎ mobile masterlist

✉︎ request

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imagineanime2022 · 1 year

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The Hashira See You As A Sibling

Giyu Tomioka X Platonic!Reader, Obanai Iguro X Platonic!Reader, Sanemi Shinazugawa X Platonic!Reader Gyomei Himejima X Platonic!Reader Muichiro Tokito X Platonic!Reader Kyojiro Rengoku X Platonic!Reader Tengen Uzui X Platonic!Reader Shinobu Kocho X Platonic!Reader Mitsuri Kanjiro X Platonic!Reader

Requested: Anon

Request: Hihi!! First off all I hope you are having an excellent day / afternoon / night! May I request some headcanons of the hashiras seeing reader (who's also a hashira) as an older sibling figure (Gender Neutral if possible!)?? If it's possible all of them, if not that's alright! Please and thank you! ^^

A/N: This took far longer than I thought, sorry about that.

General

So for a little bit of context you have imitation breathing, which means that you can execute any other type of breathing after seeing it, you freaked out the others when they first met you because of it.

They all saw you as an older sibling even if you weren’t actually older than them, you joined before most of them and had been there with them and had yet to leave.

You were close with the master because of how long you had been a Hashira and you often spent time with him and he asked your opinion on a lot of things.

You were the one that was often called for a rescue mission when the Hashira needed help, you never really stayed in one place, you travelled around a lot so you were probably the closest to trouble at any given time.

They all loved you, none of them said a sincere bad thing about you, they might tease you from time to time but you honestly teased them just as much.

They each had their own way of greeting you but you made sure that you split your time with all of them otherwise there’d be complaints from everyone except for Giyu or Mitsuri.

There aren’t many outside of the Hashira that knew you, you were more like a phantom that the demon feared.

Mugen had fought you once and you both came away gravely injured, the upper moons knew of you and hated you and the lower moons had been killed by you on a few occasions and promptly replaced.

Now let’s get a little more personal.

Giyu Tomioka

🌊 Giyu is often the one to take a step back and wait for the other to finish whatever they wanted with you, he never thought that he was worth your time and you were likely going to have to seek him out to actually spend time with him. 🌊 This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to spend time with it’s just that his inferiority complex is acting up again. 🌊 That being said, once it’s just the two of you it’s easier to talk to him, he might still be quiet but you often talk to him and soon enough he’ll involve himself in your conversations. 🌊 If you tell him that you have an interest in something, if he comes across it on his travels he’ll pick it up and give it to you the next time that he sees you and he always remembers what versions of something that he got you, so you never end up with doubles. 🌊 Compliment his jacket, if you close enough he might even tell you what had happened then give him that jacket and from there you’ll realise that survivors guilt weighs on his mind. 🌊 Giyu is one of the youngest and yet acts like one of the oldest, so sometimes you have to remember that his view of the world would be different than yours and you explain the nature of friendships to him because he really doesn’t understand them. 🌊 When you were out on missions with Giyu, you often let him take the lead, you wanted him to be confident in himself, when he was on his own. 🌊 You were probably the only person he was confident in starting a conversation with and/or asking to spend time with. 🌊 You never missed a chance to stick up for him no matter what the others said, he was probably the one with beliefs closest to yours. You did agree with his choice for Nezuko and Tanjiro after all.

Obanai Iguro

🐍 Obanai was snarky as hell and was often sassing you in some way, you were never not hitting him upside the head for trying to start a fight with someone. 🐍 The rest of the Hashira watch with great amusement when you were both involved in arguing back and forth with each other neither one of you ready to admit defeat. 🐍 His snakes often wrapped around your arms or neck, so whenever they went missing he knew that you were around. Sometimes they’d even take your side in an argument, especially the argument about his feelings for Misturi. 🐍 You’ve told him on many occasions that he should just tell her how he felt but he kept denying that he felt anything at all. Which we all know is a lie so you teased him about it every chance that you got. 🐍 Your arguments with Obanai were strictly verbal considering the fact that you are physically better than him, he never tried to take past that. 🐍 Obanai spent a lot of his time trying to sneak up on you but it never worked, that was usually the greeting that you got from him. 🐍 When you were on a mission with Obanai you often took a step back to allow him to do his thing, you helped him where you needed to but for the most part it was his mission and he’d complete it. 🐍 You often rolled your eyes at his unrealistic expectations of others, he very rarely berated you because you very rarely came back with any injuries, that being said he was probably harsher on you than the others because you would fight back. The next time that he came back injured you were the first one to comment. 🐍 You were probably the only other person that he could stand spending time around without some kind of return and you were probably the only person that didn't get hurt by everything that he said.

Sanemi Shinazugawa

🌬 Sanemi treated people a certain way because of the way that he was treated which was why you were a little more gentle with him where you could be. There were times that called for you to be firmer with him but for the most part you tried to avoid clashing with him. 🌬 He learned to respect you after picking a fight he had no chance of winning, now he challenges you to fights to see how much he’s grown in the time that he hasn’t seen you. He literally greets you with a punch and there hasn’t been able to dodge yet. 🌬 You often told him off for the way that he treated his brother, you understood the way he felt about loss but that didn’t condone the way that he pushed his brother away and hurt his feelings. 🌬 Because of that you actually ended up spending a lot of time with Genya too, you made sure that he didn’t feel like it was his fault that his brother treated him the way that he did and honestly that made Sanemi kind of jealous sometimes. 🌬 Sanemi did ask you how Genya was getting on when you did see him because he refused to go anywhere need him. 🌬 You almost never agreed with the way that Sanemi went about things and even got angry with him at the meeting for the way that he handled Nezuko, you even put yourself between the box and his sword at one point. Which you got a mumbled apology for later. 🌬 You were often the mediator when he was on missions, he could be a bit harsh and sometimes he didn’t look before he leaped so you were the one to watch his back and maybe point him in a different direction. 🌬 Sanemi would never admit that he liked having you around but you biggest clue was that he never told you to go away and actually listened to a suggestion that you gave him every now and then.

Gyomei Himejima

🪨 Gyomei was the oldest of the bunch and the one that needed you the least, he’d spend time with you because he wanted to not and you were able to spend time with him because you wanted to not because you thought there was something that you could offer him. 🪨 You guys trained together all the time and by extension made each other way stronger than you would have been alone. 🪨 You were probably the only person that could keep up with him on a mission and with your breathing allowing you to copy his means that he didn’t have to worry about the strength that you possessed because it equaled his in most scenarios. 🪨 You were always there to make sure that he was okay, you comforted him when he cried no matter how small the issue that caused him pain was. 🪨 You engaged in prayer with him where you could and even asked him about his beliefs when you guys had the time to talk properly. 🪨 He warmed up to you easily but that was probably because you had been together for longer than any of the other Hashira, you both know things about each other that none of the others did. 🪨 You tried not to disrespect his beliefs or make his go against his principles and he knows that you're trying your best even going as far as offering to give the killing blow if it helps. 🪨 He’d often mindlessly talk to you about anything and everything, his voice was always soft and he encouraged you to give your views (which was probably why you knew so much about each other). 🪨 Gyomei was the one that you’d often spend time with when you had been through something taxing, he doesn't always need to talk or fight sometimes you can both sit there.

Muichiro Tokito

☁ Honestly for the longest time you didn’t know if he even knew who you were, he proved that he did one day when he mumbled your name in conversation. ☁ You were a little more protective of him though because he was the youngest of the Hashira, he was very good at looking after himself when he needed to. ☁ You would often be the one to relay information that he missed when his mind wondered, he’d often tug at your arm to point out a cloud as you half listened to the conversation so you wouldn’t both be lost. ☁ There would be times when he’d use you as a pillow and you’d never wake him, unless there was a mission you needed to go on or there was some kind of danger. ☁ It didn’t take long for you to realise that he didn’t put much stock in emotions, so when he talked he didn’t necessarily mean to hurt your feelings and you often had to defuse situations between him and the others. ☁ On missions you wouldn’t need to watch his back in the actual fight he was pretty good at doing that himself, it was in the moments that you were travelling from place to place or looking for information on the demon that you needed to be there. ☁ Sometimes you carried him to where he needed to go but that was faster than any other means of transportation. ☁ Muichiro would often use you to hide from conversations or interactions because the others were less likely to bother him when he was with you. ☁ He was more like an aloof little brother, you checked in more often with him to make sure that he was okay and worried that he’d get more lonely than the others so you hung around with him a little more than the others.

Kyojuro Rengoku

🔥 Bless this ray of sunshine, he’s probably the only one that actually asks how you're doing from time to time. 🔥 He respects you and treats you as such, he offers you food that he thinks is tasty and strongly advises that you taste it. You’d always accept what he gave you and compliment him on his tastes. 🔥 Rengoku would actually ask you for help when he needed it, as well as drag you into whatever stupid thing he and Tengen were getting up to that day, since you were the only one fast enough to keep up with them. 🔥 Rengoku was more than happy to introduce you to his brother who you became fast friends with. He made you promise that you’d look after Senjutro if anything happened to him. 🔥 That being said, you weren’t actually going to let something happen to him and that was why you went after him when Mitsuri said that she had a bad feeling, you ended up saving his ass when Akaza came calling (that was the day Muzan decided that you were a nuisance that needed getting rid of). 🔥 Rengoku holds you closer from there on, even going as far as introducing you to people as his sibling. 🔥 He’s usually the first to greet you and you always smile no matter how loud he’s being, took the time to learn and/or teach him sign language for stealth missions together or general secret keeping. 🔥 Rengoku was one of the older Hashira and yet ended up being one of the most childish so you spent a lot of time making sure that he was okay but he’s the one that you get the most reward from because he shows his gratitude for you.

Tengen Uzui

🔊 Tengen was the one that always successfully snuck up on you, you hated every moment of it but no matter how hard you tried he got you every time. 🔊 He would often challenge you to a race and you were the only person that could beat him, but that being said you were still in a rivalry and there was a scoreboard with the other Hashira had placed bets on. 🔊 Tengen actually tried to get you to be one of his wives which you denied, if only because your independence was important to you. 🔊 On that note his wives love you and when they can’t go on a mission they’ll send a message to you, to ask if you can keep an eye on him, which you had no problem doing. Though you had no problem looking out for them, Tengen would often send you a separate letter asking you to keep an eye on them while he was gone. 🔊 Tengen is forever jealous of the food Hina kept aside for you, the gift that Suma made for you or how Makio would always ask how you were doing after he came back from a mission. 🔊 They invite you for dinner all the time so when you are in the area you stop by and join them. 🔊 After getting word that Tengen’s wives had gone missing you were the one to save them from Daki, then promptly slapped Tengen around tha back of the head for putting 7 different people in harm's way before asking you for help (Zentsu and Inosuke were so confused, Tanjiro had to explain that you were a Hashira). 🔊 You help him beat Daki and Gyutaro. Gyutaro referred to you as the phantom which confused everyone but now that’s all that Tengen will call you. 🔊 Tengen is by far the loudest of the Hashira and the one you probably had to watch the closest because despite the fact that he was a trained shinobi and probably the fastest Hashira out there, he’d forgo all of that for a flashy entrance and that will be what gets him killed.

Shinobu Kocho

🦋 Shinobu was reluctant to actually treat you as a sibling, after what happened to her sister that part of her was closed off for two reasons. 🦋 The first fear and the second not wanting to replace the sister that she had already lost. 🦋 You never tried to replace her sister and you never pushed her to be more than she wanted with you so the relationship developed slowly. 🦋 She was probably the only one that you needed to earn the trust of but that happened over many injury treatments. 🦋 You really earned her trust when you got very badly injured for her and she spent months nursing you back to health, it was then that you told her about your relationship with her sister. 🦋 You often drew fire on missions with Shinobu, you knew that she worked better being about to get a knick in and most of the time, she was testing something new so you served to keep the demon alive long enough to see if whatever new poison she had developed worked, all while getting jabs at each others fighting skill or the fact that you gotten hit. 🦋 She’d often send you off with something new that she had developed because she knew that you’d stay alive long enough to report back to her. 🦋 You guys could spend hours talking about anything and everything, most of the time it was Shinobu talking through ways to treat wounds so that she was sure that you could make it back here to get properly treated. 🦋 You guys would often have sarcasm battles with large smiles on your face, anyone who saw them wouldn’t know if you guys were serious or not. 🦋 Your relationship was probably the closest to a love hate one, no one could tell whether you actually liked each other or not and that was for you to decide.

Mitsuri Kanroji

❤ Literally worries for you all the time, from the moment that she met you to the present day. ❤ Always wanted a sister, so it took literally no time at all for you to become close, she’d come to you whenever she felt like something bad was going to happen or when she needed encouragement. ❤ Girls nights happened often if you were both in the same place and that meant that she helped you with self care and you encouraged her to face the crush that she had on a certain snake hashira (never worked but you tried). ❤ You guys communicate with looks and in some cases noises, you’ll be able to tell what she’s thinking and send back a response that she understands completely. ❤ You watched her carefully when she felt strongly about something. Her health took a back seat sometimes, so you made sure that she ate properly and looked after herself especially when she felt guilty about something. ❤ You often found yourself telling her that she wasn’t a burden to you or any of the other Hashira. ❤ You two have so much fun when you are on a mission together, she likes that she has your full attention and there’s no one to hide from, she could be herself around you. ❤ As much as you both acted like siblings, the love that she felt from you reminded her of a parent and she wouldn’t change it for the world, being away from her family and the people that she grew up with, she likes that feeling that she gets from you.

Request Here!!

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 2 months

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lets lighten to mood here a bit: what are your top 5 kataang moments?

"Top five" hahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaha, what kind of nonsense is this? I need a top 15!

#15 - Them bickering on Kyoshi Island (01x04)

This one was one my favorite scenes in the whole show, even back when I didn't really care for Kataang as a ship. It's just such a funny, accurate representation BOTH of "When you wanna hang out with your friend, but you're still too mad to talk things out" and "When your is getting attention from other people and now you're really, really jealous."

Scenes like this are why I never felt Kataang was truly one-sided, again, even back when I personally didn't like the ship - it's just so obvious that with how close they are, lots of moments that could have been purely platonic end up having a romance vibe, so the eventually romance feels way more earned.

#14 - Aang nearly cofessing his feelings to Katara (02x18)

It's a short little moment, but I like it a lot. Aang is just so shy and nervous, it's adorable - and I actually don't mind that they were interrupted because we got lots of flirting in book 3.

#13 - The first two damn episodes (01x01 & 01x02)

I know, I know, putting not one, but two whole episodes is cheating like crazy, but I don't care. Aang likes Katara IMMEDIATELY, they go penguin sliding, he offers to take her to the North Pole long before he finds out HE needs to go there, Katara is ready to throw hands with everyone for wanting to banish Aang and is then losing her mind when he is taken by the Fire Nation. Even Sokka noticed they were getting a bit too clingy for two people that just freaking met and goes "Let's save your boyfriend."

#12 - "Baby, you're my forever girl" (03x09)

This one is just HILARIOUS. It starts out looking very realistic, sweet and romantic... and is then derrailed into embarrassing teenage fantasies, and Aang clearly feels so awkward when he realizes he had just been standing there like a dumbass. The entire episode is great, but that scene is easily top 3 of the funniest moments in it.

#11 - Flirting after he gives her the necklace back (01x15)

They are freaking adorable in that scene. Aang joking around when returning the necklace to her, Katara kissing his cheek and making him blush... peak cuteness. Gets extra romantic with the added context that those necklaces are basically the same as engagement rings.

#10 - Aang finding out Katara brought him back from the dead (03x01)

Aang just looks so in awe of her in that scene, like he can barely even comprehend how someone could be so amazing. The look in his eyes, man! I can't! I CAN'T!

(And for real, how can ANYONE still have doubts that the whole "Aang needs to let go of Katar FULLY AND FOREVER, ALL DAY AND EVERYDAY otherwise the world is doomed" thing is bullshit? The show literally looked us straight in the face and said "True love/friendship saved the day because if it wasn't for it the world's last hope would be fucking dead")

#9 - Cave Of Two Lovers (02x02)

Once again I'm cheating, and once again I don't care. Katara and Aang both blushing when she suggest that they kiss, Aang trying a little too hard to act like he totally doesn't want that kiss, Katara getting offended at it, "I'm saying I'd rather kiss you than die, that's a compliment!", the light of the torches fading away as they get closer to each other, Aang looking all lovestruck after it, then them both blushing after they're out of the cave - INCREDIBLE! SHOWSTOPPING! BEAUTIFUL! ADORABLE!

#8 - Katara not wanting Aang to go into the Avatar State (02x01)

I understand why Aang going into the Avatar State to save her on this same episode gets so much attention, but this moment is criminally underrated AND what makes that other scene hit so hard.

Katara can't stand to see Aang in so much pain and rage and thus refuses to be part of that plan. She is the one putting his humanity, his feelings, and his well-being before his responsibilities as the Avatar. She'll always encourage him to do what's right and help him do what's needed to save the world - but she'd never put him in any unnecessary harm. She'd never take him granted and act like she, or anyone else, is entitled to put him through so much stress and pressure just because of his duties as the Avatar. She'd never take advantage of Aang's kindness.

When Aang went into the Avatar State, it wasn't just about the protagonist saving his love interest (which is already an epic moment) - it was a friend saving another, a survivor of genocide saing another, the hero saving an innocent person who was in harms way. And more importantly, it was someone who was constantly treated like he needed to be a soldier/weapon first, person second, saving the girl that had always been his ride-or-die from the very beginning and that had just proven yet again that she cared about HIM, not just about the Avatar and what he could do for the world.

#7 - Aang and Katara VS Pakku (01x18)

Once again, Aang and Katara showing that they both take the concept of "ride-or-die" VERY seriously. They are really excited to learn together, and Aang is so pissed off when Pakku refuses to train Katara solely because she's a girl, that he says "Fuck this guy, fuck my mission, I'm out of here." Katara, of course, then accepts dealing with that unfair situation because she knows Aang's mission is important and doesn't want to stand in the way of it, even if she obviously isn't happy about it.

Then, once Sokka gives them that idea, Aang is super eager to teach Katara everything Pakku is teaching him, because, once again, Katara's personal goal of wanting to be a badass fighter is as important to Aang as his mission to save the entire freaking world.

They're caught, everything is going to hell, and Pakku now refuses to let train either of them unless he gets an apology, and so Katara goes into fighting mode with no hesitation. Aang, the absolute sweetheart that he is, lets her know that she doesn't have to do this to get Pakku to teach him - then steps aside when she explains this is about HER, her pride and her right to knock some sense into that sour old man.

Finally, after everything is resolved, we get Pakku saying Aang should start calling her "Sifu Katara" - which leads me to:

#6 - Sifu Katara (02x09)

That. Was. So. Fucking. Cute.

Aang wants to make sure Katara knows just how much she means to him, how much he respects her as a fighter/master and we KNOW he absolutely means it, and Katara is very touched by it.

And I gotta love how comfortable they are with each other. Aang practicing waterbending and talking with her to clear his head, Katara giving him advice as to why he's struggling with earthbending AND trying to make Toph change her approach into something Katara knows works on Aang, the push and pull/ying and yang motions showing how they just click and are in harmony with each other - it isn't just AANG showing he appreciates Katara's role as his master, it's the show itself doing that.

#5 - Aang & The Painted Lady (03x03)

That boy was simping for and flirting with the Painted Lady before he even realized it was Katara, because she was a kind "spirit" that he went out of his way to mention looked REALLY pretty even though he couldn't see her face. Then, of course, he has to praise her for wanting to help the people of the village and goes on to help her blow up a whole factory.

You google the meaning of "being in love" and Aang's face is the first the thing that comes up, I swear to fucking God, I can't with this boy.

#4 - Katara threatening to end Zuko if he ever hurts Aang again (03x12)

Once again, Katara and Aang take the idea of "Ride-or-die" VERY seriously. Katara doesn't trust Zuko really changed, but she does trust Aang's judgement and knows that he has the right to choose his firebending teacher, and that they don't really have much of a choice at the moment.

But she didn't forget what Zuko nearly took away from her, and makes damn sure he knows that if he screws up again, he isn't getting a third chance.

And I gotta say, we as a fandom don't talk enough about how, much like Aang's love for his people is explicitly stated to still live on through his love for Katara, the girl he already sees as family and would eventually marry, Katara was only ever willing to kill for two people - Kya and Aang.

This is one of those moments that proof that, even if one doesn't care for the ship, NO ONE can deny just how strong their bond is and how much they mean to each other.

#3 - Finale Kiss (03x21)

Even though I think they should have officially become an item after their kiss during the invasion and that the last minute conflict of "Maybe Katara doesn't actually want to be with Aang" that we got in Ember Island Players was REALLY forced, I still love this moment.

They look so happy, so at peace. They don't even need to say anything. They just lock eyes, smile, embrace each other and kiss. It's oen of the most romantic moments not just between them, but in the whole show.

Also if anyone has a Katara doll with that dress, please mail it to me, because my inner 5-year-old cannot deal with how pretty she looked on that scene and NEEDS it to be immortalized in a doll I can put on the shelf and stare at for hours.

#2 - Aang saying Katara gives him hope (02x12)

Okay, okay, okay, OKAY, we are once again in the territory of "Even back when I didn't like the ship, I still adored this scene." It's one of the moments that I'm always super excited to reach whenever I'm watching the show yet again.

Is just so rewarding. Every single episode we are reminded that Katara has complete faith in Aang, that he gave her hope before they ever met. Yet at that moment, because of Appa's kidnaping, he can't be the Aang she knows - be that he goofy, optimistic, super affectionate friend, or the kind, super empathetic, compassionate messianic figure of the Avatar. He is too hurt and scared, so he goes from lashing out to shutting everyone off - including her. He is doing his duty, but there's little to no emotion there.

Katara keeps the team together as they cross the desert, brings Aang back to Earth when he is snapping, parts the freaking sea, and then helps bring baby Hope into the world - and thus Aang is finally Aang again, and makes sure to let his best friend know just how much she means to him.

It's a nice role-reversal, with Katara being the one put on a pedestal and Aang showing reverence. It's sweet and makes all the moments in which she shows her blind faith in him all the sweeter. It easily could have been my number one.

If it wasn't for THE Kataang moment that is:

#1 - The Dance (03x02)

How could this not be number one? It's the definition of iconic. Literally invented romance. You open up a dictionary and see a picture of this scene in the definition of "chemistry."

Katara feeling insecure because of all the attention is getting, Aang going out of his way to make sure she doesn't feel left out, the way he says "it's just you and me", the way everyone is staring at them in awe... the lighting, the music, the camera angles, the freaking choreography... their smiles, Katara blushing, the way they lock eyes, the almost kiss, Aang holding Katara as they finally stop... it's too good. Just too freaking good. 11/10, no one is doing it like them.

#pro kataang #kataang

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eunseoksimp · 1 month

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Hi! Can you write jealous reader x Sungchan (could be same y/n from poison)

You writing is so good !!x

hey anon, thank you so much for your kind words. i wrote a completely different reader because all my poison creative juices have been exhausted, i hope you don’t mind.

i also low-key got carried away with the insanity, this might be a step further than simple jealousy whoops.

. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:･ﾟ. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .

it wasn’t a hidden fact that the bounds of your jealousy did not mirror those of a normal person.

you found that you tended to like people a lot more passionately than others, but you assumed it was overall a healthy amount of course, the type that any person might feel when they liked someone.

that was until you met jung sungchan.

you weren’t sure what it was about him that induced a scary amount of rage every time you saw him draw near to another girl.

you had no right to dictate who he could and couldn’t speak to, because the truth was that the relationship between you and sungchan was complicated.

you couldn’t exactly call each other lovers, but the things that you both did was nothing becoming of friends. so you were stuck in a weird sort of limbo, forced to ramble to your best friends and hope it would alleviate the burning flame that resided in your chest.

‘i don’t get it. it’s not like the both of you are dating, so why do you care that he’s around other girls?’ wonbin spoke up, tossing another skittle into his mouth successfully.

‘she likes him stupid, why else would she feel this way?’ chaewon, who was resting her head on her shoulder had her eyes closed, almost as if she was sleeping, but you knew she was listening.

‘my point is, if you like him why don’t you tell him that?’

you loved wonbin, you really did, but sometimes you wondered how someone so pretty could be so empty headed. he often was unable to pick up on context clues and you thanked god that chaewon was always with you, otherwise you might go crazy.

‘i don’t want to ruin our friendship. what if i lose him forever.’

‘i’m pretty sure your so called friendship was ruined the moment you both decided to fuck like rabbits,’ you lifted your head to give wonbin the middle finger, but quickly dropped it as you sighed.

a drunken night at a party is what led to the situation you were in. at the time you were sure that it was nothing more than sex, and given that the both of you were best friends and trusted each other more than anything, you decided on keeping a friends with benefits dynamic.

it was great at first, being able to sleep with someone without having to worry about feelings, or inviting strangers into your home and your body. sungchan was such a gentleman, looking after you in and out of the bedroom.

when you fucked, it was magical. he was always more concerned with your pleasure than he was his, drawing orgasm after orgasm out of your first before he would finally retire for the night, satisfied that you enjoyed yourself.

eventually, you found yourself craving intimacy outside of the bedroom, and it wasn’t uncommon for him to stay over after to cuddle, or to make the both of you a quick meal.

before you knew it, you started to become dependent on sungchan, needing him nearby at all times, wanting to be the only one he touched, or the only one he looked at. there was a desperate desire for him to be with you forever, and you thrived off of the feelings you got whenever he touched you.

‘i hate that he talks to other girls. it makes me want to hurt them,’ you confessed, truthfully, because you felt like you could trust your friends.

for the first time since you had started your conversation, chaewon’s eyes opened, scrambling to hold your head in her hands as she stared directly at yours.

‘you’re joking. right?’ a part of him knew the answer to that question, chuckling nervously as he observed you.

‘she’s not. that’s the scary part.’

lately it felt like your feelings for sungchan were bordering on obsession. you relied on him heavily for emotional support, seeking attention and validation from him in everything you did.

he had the ability to make or break your day, and you realised that as dangerous as it was, you placed the responsibility of your happiness onto him. depending on when he paid attention to you he could make you feel like you were on top of the world, or in the deepest pits of hell.

‘why is it so serious in here,’ sungchan walked into a tension-filled room, duffle bag slung over his shoulder, hood covering his messy hair.

chaewon moved away to make room for him and wonbin cleared his throat, but you paid no attention to them both, a wide smile forming on your face as you looked at the man you were in love with, even without trying he was beautiful, the ability to take your breath away something that came so easy to him.

‘hey,’ he was standing in front of you, crouching down till you were eye level, his smile mirroring yours as he messed with your hair. there was no way he couldn’t feel the intense connection between the both of you, how perfect you both were for each other.

‘where were you?’

‘karina needed some help so i stayed behind. she got me some coffee to thank me,’ he was nonchalant in what he was saying, but you furrowed your eyebrows at the pink that faintly painted his cheeks.

‘you’ve been spending a lot of time with karina lately,’ you dug your fingernails into your palm, hating the mention of her name.

karina, or yu jimin as written on her birth certificate, was the evil bitch trying to keep you away from sungchan. ever since they started sharing some classes together she had been hanging around him more and more, like a fly hovering over him so persistently.

you recall moments where sungchan would cancel your movie nights, or invite her out when your group would go to the cinema together, or even eat. it drove you mad, watching her flip her hair over her shoulder, flashing him a smile as she playfully pushed his shoulder.

each time your stomach would turn and it would make you want to throw up on the spot. why was she trying to steal your favourite person?

‘i actually wanted to tell you guys something. i-um, we’re going on a date this saturday,’ his eyes darted towards yours and you chew on your bottom lip, afraid to allow your thoughts to spill out.

you were sure he felt the same way you did. he had to with the way he looked at you. he wouldn’t be able to fuck you so good if he didn’t.

so why did he need another girl? what did karina have that you didn’t? how desperately did she push up on sungchan to get him to fall for her.

‘i have to go,’ you stood up abruptly, grabbing your things from beside you and making a beeline for the door, suddenly feeling the room close in on you. you could hear sungchan’s hurried footsteps coming after you, but it only made you want to go faster.

‘please slow down, i need to know if you’re okay,’ he finally succeeded in grabbing a hold of you, chest rising and falling as he caught his breath for a couple of seconds.

‘do you love her,’ your voice was quiet, barely above a whisper as you looked at him expectantly, awaiting his answer.

‘love? what no, i barely know her.’

‘then why are you taking her out?’ a tear spilled down your cheek, but you refused to make an attempt to wipe it.

‘i just- i like her i think,’ you could tell he was trying his hardest not to hurt your feelings, but it only made your heart ache more. how could someone so sweet, someone so caring, want to be with karina and not with you?

how could you carry on knowing the one you love unconditionally, the one that you go to for everything, the one who helped you breathe, was thinking about another girl.

it was hard to hear, to see that his whole world did not revolve around you, like yours did around his. that not hearing from him made you anxious and paranoid that he would one day abandon you.

‘i still want us to be friends, you mean so much to me,’ he was sincere in his words, but your ears were ringing as you thought about the date he would be on with that girl tomorrow.

it left a bitter taste in your mouth, and the rational part of your mind would tell you to see this as a sign to move on, to look for someone else who would love you the way you wanted.

but the loss of sungchan was just too much to bear, so much so that you would do anything to keep him.

this was why you spent the rest of your night stalking through her instagram pages, seeing her likes and dislikes, her personal style.

it was why you were haphazardly dying your hair blonde, having only the tiny mirror in your bathroom to guide you.

it was also why you desperately searched in your cupboard for clothes with the same cuts, or prints as her.

you were changing your self-identity slowly, lost in the hope that this would make sungchan return back to you.

maybe then he would like you.

and when you showed up to sungchan’s house, merely a few hours before he was meant to go on his date, you took the shock on his face to mean a good thing.

‘you look… different,’ his voice trailed off, carefully studying your features.

he was always so perceptive, you were sure he had figured things out by now. but that didn’t matter, as long as you could keep his attention on you for a little while longer.

a faint line between faith and blindly waiting.

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