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#bill can fill them in on the master too
oh-stars · 3 months
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Eddie Doesn't Share Food
Love is sharing food.
a @steddielovemonth prompt | 1131 words | CW: N/A | Rating: G
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It’s a common fact among Hellfire that Eddie doesn’t share food easily. He can provide food to everyone and if he knows you’re going without, he’ll gladly give you all of his share, or at the very least a good portion of it. But outside of a necessity or hosting an event, Eddie’s not one to share. 
When they get a basket of fries for the table after games, Eddie takes handfuls at a time. He’ll eat one and place the rest on a napkin in front of him. He’ll eat a few here and there, grab a few more from the basket, and then eat the remainder from his napkin.
They’ll all be sharing bites and trying each other’s meals when they’re out to eat, swapping onion rings for fries and bites of steak for the grilled chicken, but not Eddie. Never Eddie. If you even ask for a bite of his food, he’ll give you that stare, the one he usually saves for his villain NPCs or when you ask a dumb question in Hellfire. 
So you can imagine Dustin’s surprise when Eddie splits his burger with Steve unprompted. 
“Are you sure, man?” Steve asks, taking the sandwich from Eddie’s hands. 
Eddie nods, already reaching to take a bite of his half. “Go for it.” 
Steve shrugs. “Want a part of mine?” He offers his plate, where his BLT is already cut in half and one side is completely untouched. 
“Sure,” Eddie says. 
Dustin looks between the two of them, unable to even touch his chicken fingers, as they go back to eating like this is a completely normal thing for them to do. And if it was literally anyone else other than Eddie fucking Munson, Dustin may be inclined to agree that it is. But since Eddie is the initiating party, it is assuredly not normal.
And he knows a thing or two about freaky things. 
“Close your mouth,” Steve says as he tosses a fry at him. “You’ll catch flies and I am not about to perform the heimlich because you decided to swallow flies instead of fries.” 
Eddie snorts, smirking through his mouthful. 
Dustin scrubs his face, then shakes his head so hard his hat nearly falls off. “What am I looking at?” he asks, eyes narrowed at Eddie. 
“We’re eating. It’s what you’re supposed to do at lunch, Henderson,” Eddie says. He reaches forward to thump the bill of Dustin’s cap so it falls over his forehead. “If you don’t hurry it up, we’re leaving you here and heading to the movie without you.” 
“You wouldn’t,” Dustin says. 
“Try us,” Steve says, shrugging as he wipes his mouth. 
Dustin opens his mouth, then closes it. He’s not about to goad Steve into a dare. He’s seen how that plays out one too many times. Instead, he vows to see if this is a singular occurrence or if it happens again. 
Which it does, the next week when they’re setting up for Hellfire. 
Eddie’s got a bag of chips in his hands as he looks over his notes, leaning back into his chair. They’re all talking amongst themselves as Eddie gets in the zone, regrouping for the session and filling in Jeff on what he missed since he had to miss the last session for a family thing. 
Steve brings a two-liter in and some red solo cups, filling it up for everyone who wants the pop. “What about you, Eds?” Steve asks, leaning against the back of Eddie’s chair. 
“Yes, please,” Eddie says, glancing up from his notebook. He’s holding a chip, has been for a moment, likely too lost in his thoughts to remember he was snacking to begin with. And Dustin has the honors of watching, horrified, as Eddie offers Steve the chip. Only, Steve doesn’t take it like a normal person, he dips down and lets Eddie place the chip into his mouth. 
“Thanks,” Steve says as he leaves Eddie’s freshly poured cup on the side table Eddie has next to his chair. Then he disappears back into the kitchen.
Eddie just smiles and goes back to his notebook, hand fumbling for the bag to grab another. 
Dustin whips around to his companions, eyes wide and gesturing toward their dungeon master. “You guys saw that, right?” 
Gareth’s eyes are narrow, but he nods. “He’s been brainwashed,” he mumbles. 
“Or maybe he’s just growing up,” Jeff says. 
“Eddie?” Mike scoffs. “Please. The guy’s so stubborn he’d rather die than give up his beliefs. And not sharing food is one of his biggest ones.” 
“Apparently not,” Lucas says, motioning to the bag of chips Eddie’s still digging through. 
It happens again when Steve comes back in to say he’s running to the store, pausing only to take the offered chip from Eddie, this time like a normal person. 
They don’t even get a chance to process it before Eddie’s announcing the start of the session. 
Dustin racks his brain on a way to bring it up, to investigate further, but once again, he doesn’t get the chance. 
He’s staying the night at Steve’s, with Eddie and Robin, to watch movies and celebrate Steve’s birthday in a lowkey way. The four of them are relaxing and enjoying the night together, simple and quiet in comparison to the party’s usual festivities. 
Steve dishes out the small cake Robin had made him, slicing and passing out plates to all three of them. He doesn’t take one for himself though. Instead, he plops back down onto the couch and practically sits on Eddie, tucking himself under Eddie’s arm. 
Eddie offers a bite of his cake, unprompted and like he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. 
All Dustin can do is watch as Eddie and Steve alternate bites, eating from the same slice like they were a couple or somethi–
Oh. 
Dustin feels like his brain is hit with a thousand thoughts at the speed of light as it all falls into place. Huh. Okay then. He leans back into the recliner he’s sitting in, his own plate held close to his chest, and lets himself enjoy the too-sweet icing. It tastes like how he feels; happiness and wonder in the form of cake and icing. 
If Eddie’s willing to share his food with Steve, then he must really love him and that’s the kind of love Steve deserves. 
He feels like he could burst with happiness for his friends, for the possibilities this will open for them. Rather than express those thoughts, even if he really wants to, Dustin shoves the biggest bite into his mouth and does a little dance. 
Steve laughs at him, eyes all crinkly and bright even as he accepts another bite from Eddie. Yeah, Dustin could get used to seeing Steve that happy.
--
Thanks to @lady-lostmind for betaing!
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messedupfan · 16 days
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Chapter 17
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Summary: Wanda looks over her plans for her future after standing up to Vision. You discover something shocking about your friend on a night out. And the kids join you for a special haircut as Wanda collects her prize.
A/n: Hello! I didn't plan on posting this so soon but eh what the hell. Hope y'all don't kill me. Enjoy!
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Wanda stands in the middle of the large empty property that she now owns. She walks around the area as she visualizes a house. She sees the walls and the windows. She thinks about where the kitchen would be and the kitchen table for breakfasts and intimate family meals. Then she walks into a dining room where she’ll host holidays and birthdays. She pretends to climb a beautiful staircase as she envisions the separate rooms for her boys. A couple more rooms, maybe one of them is a guest room and the other is an office space. Then she sees a master bedroom. The image of climbing into bed after a long day has her heart racing as she pictures collapsing into your arms. 
Her phone ringing breaks her away from her fantasy world and back to the land with overgrown grass. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and sighs. “Hello Vision,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “What can I help you with?”
“Mom?” Tommy's voice has Wanda softening her tone almost instantly. 
“Tommy, hi, why are you calling me with your dad's phone? Is everything okay?” She asks as she starts to fill with worry. 
“Dad says he has to go out of town for something… for work! I mean um… I mean he has to go out of town for work. Can you come pick us up?” Wanda sighs when she can hear Vision correcting their son. She doesn't understand the man. He is constantly making a big racket about being in Tommy and Billy’s life but this is the third time in the last couple of months that he has had her pick up the boys halfway through the week. 
“I'll be there soon,” Wanda says in a soft tone. She does her best to not let her frustrations with his father affect her tone. Vision is being harsh enough as it is. “I love you, sweetheart. Let your brother know that I love him too, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” Tommy says. “Bye, mom.”
Wanda hangs up the phone. She takes one last glance around the empty land and sighs. One day, she will be able to fulfill her dream. But that is years away. 
“Vision, you can't keep doing this to them,” she says quietly once the boys are in her car. 
“It's my work, Wanda. It's what pays the bills,” he says with a roll of his eyes. 
“Oh I'm very familiar with your work,” Wanda retorts. “Who is she this time? Another TA? No, that pairing has to bore you by now. Besides, you don't need a dating profile in order to date a student.” 
“You've been stalking me?” He asks, he's more intrigued than anything. 
Wanda makes a face, “Gross. No. That would mean I gave a shit about your personal life. I have friends that use dating apps. And you weren't exactly discrete about it on your profile.” 
Vision’s face starts to get red and Wanda knows that she has struck a nerve. Not only did she reveal that she knows he isn't being faithful in his current marriage, she revealed how she found out. She is almost certain that the mention of her friends being involved has painted a mental picture of her having a laugh about him with them. She’d put good money on Vision picturing you as the friend, causing him to grow even more upset. 
“Vis, I don't care what you do in your free time. I care that it affects my kids,” she states firmly. “Either end the affair or give me full custody. Because I will not allow you to keep hurting them with this deadbeat father act you have going on.” She starts to walk towards her car expecting him to slam the door shut but instead, he follows her. 
“Oh you'd love to have me out of the picture, wouldn't you? So that you can live happily ever after with, Y/n! That's it, isn't it?” He shouts behind her. Wanda stops and spins as she lets out a malicious laugh.
“What is with your obsession with Y/n? They have been nothing but kind to our boys when you fail them time and time again. They are always there for the twins when you've abandoned our boys. Y/n has covered for your ass over and over,” she takes steps towards Vision as she defends her friend to him. “They do nothing but try to make you look better to those boys. You should be thanking them instead of threatening them! You have no idea the kind of person they are. And it's not their fault that you are such a sorry excuse for a father. Gosh, your own family finds it difficult to be related to you.” 
Vision shakes his head, “You are a vindictive cunt.” 
“Call me all of the names you want. You can't hurt me anymore,” Wanda glares at her former husband defiantly. She scoffs. “You're a pitiful man. I hope karma gets you one day.” She walks away and doesn't turn back once as he continues to shout profanities at her. She does, however, raise her middle finger at him. 
“Mom, are you okay?” Billy asks from the backseat once Wanda has joined her boys in the car. She turns back and reaches out to hold his hand. She smiles at him and squeezes his hand. 
“Mommy is more than okay,” she says confidently. She doesn't recognize herself at this moment and it's a fantastic feeling. “Are you boys ready to go? You didn't leave behind any important homework or school books right?” 
“Right,” the boys say at the same time. 
“Okay, let's go home then,” she smiles at each of her kids before starting her car and driving away from Vision’s house. When she pulls into the driveway of her current home she can feel the ghost of the person she used to be. The woman that once believed living a life on eggshells was normal. That she was always meant to be careful around her husband. That her children were to be completely obedient and quiet. That woman and that life haunt every corner of the house. They start to hide when the boys laugh loudly at something that happens in the movie they’re watching. But when you stop by to return the tupperware, the ghosts seem to disappear instantly. As if they were never there.
“You know, Y/n,” Wanda starts as she closes the door behind you. “We are friends, you don't need an excuse to see me.”
“Okay, you caught me but we never really got a chance to ourselves last week and I thought since,” you are cut off when the boys come running towards you and wrap their arms around you as they crash into your body. “Oh! Hi guys! What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be with your dad this week?” You keep your tone light, you would hate to ever make them feel unwanted. You hug them back just as tight. 
“Dad had a work thing,” Billy answers with a smile. “What are you doing here? Rachel isn't here.” 
You look at Wanda, not sure how to answer. “That’s right, Rachel is not here. But Y/n had my container and I asked them to bring it back,” Wanda answers for you. “Come on boys, I'm sure Y/n has to get back home and you two need to get ready for bed.” 
“Can you stay and read us a bedtime story?” Tommy asks with wide eyes filled with excitement as he steps back.
“Yeah? Can you?” Billy asks as he jumps back, just as excited. 
You hesitate and that causes the two kids to start begging. “Please? You and mom tell the stories really well together!” You look at Wanda as you reminisce about the couple of times the two of you read bedtime stories for the three kids when you and Rachel were staying here. 
“I thought you said bedtime stories were for babies?” Wanda says as she messes with her son's hair. 
“They are but not when you and Y/n tell them,” Tommy defends. Wanda gives you a look that says ‘I tried,’ and it makes you laugh. 
“Okay boys, go finish getting ready for bed and I'll join your mom for story time,” you agree and the kids cheer as they run up the stairs. 
“Thank you for that. You know, you don't have to stay,” Wanda says as she tests the waters and puts her hand on your bicep. You shrug as your arm warms up from her touch. 
“They think we're good together,” you say with slight innuendo. “Besides, it won't be long before they despise my presence. I'm sure their dad will poison them against me as soon as puberty hits. I have to enjoy their praises while I still can.” You smile at her as you maintain eye contact and stand a little closer to her. 
Wanda bites her lower lip as her eyes travel to your lips. It's been a week and a half since the two of you kissed. You had been by every day since but neither of you have had a moment alone long enough to discuss anything. She had so much that she wanted to tell you that she couldn't. Not when the kids are so close. She would hate it if the kids got excited about something that may or may not happen. “I wish their father thought about the fact that we only have a few precious years left with them before they become moody teenagers. But,” Wanda shrugs. “I guess that's my fault for falling for a selfish man before my frontal lobe developed.” Wanda’s eyes meet yours again as she flashes you a sad smile. 
You reach out and hold her shoulder. You open your mouth to say something but you're interrupted by a loud screech of, “We're ready!” from Tommy and Billy. You laugh. 
“I guess that's our cue,” you say as you drop your hand from her shoulder. 
“You go first, I have to put this away,” she holds up the tupperware and you nod then you climb the stairs and warn the boys that you are on your way. Wanda takes a deep breath as her body craves your touch. It was an innocent touch but it made her mind wander to not so innocent thoughts and she needed a second. She serves herself a cold glass of water and chugs half of it. 
“Mom! Mom! Mom!” She hears you chanting with the boys and hearing you call her that almost makes her spit out her water from laughter. 
“Okay! I'm coming!” She shouts as she gets to the bottom of the staircase. The chants don't stop until she walks through the door. You and the boys clap and cheer as she comes in. Wanda stops for a moment and poses. You start whistling as the boys cheer louder. “Alright, settle down. Settle down. What story are we reading tonight?” 
The boys fall asleep halfway through the story. You were so engrossed in the storytelling that Wanda had to stop you in order for you to notice that they had fallen asleep. You shut the book and the two of you carefully snuck out of the room. You waited for her in the hallway as she shut off the lights and closed the door. 
When the door was shut she turned to face you. The two of you stand there, both wanting to embrace each other. Maybe even share another sober kiss that would intoxicate each of you. Wanda wants to thank you for helping her find her strength. You want to thank her for always being there for you and your daughter. You want to tell her the deep feelings you've developed for her over the months. You want to hold her in your arms and never let go. 
“Can I show you something before you go?” Wanda whispers. 
“Uh, yeah, sure,” you answer, feeling a little awkward. You clear your throat and gesture for her to lead the way. Wanda takes your hand and laces her finger through yours as she guides you to her office. You were a little surprised that she led you here but you were more surprised with yourself that part of you anticipated her taking you to any other room. Especially with her kids here. 
Wanda lets go of you and walks around her desk to shuffle through her files in the drawer. When she finds what she's looking for she looks up at you with a grin. “Close the door and come closer. It's a secret,” she says with a playfulness to her voice. You smile and shut the door to her office before joining her side. “So I have a plot of land,” she starts as she opens the folder. “And I want to build my dream house on it. These are some of the ideas that I have so far.” She shows you printed-out mood boards and detailed sketches along with images and measurements of the land. 
“Wow, I think this is great,” you say as you flip through the pages. You look at her with a curious glance. “What inspired this?” 
Wanda shrugs, “I'm tired of living under someone else's guidelines of what my house is supposed to have or not have. I'm a very overqualified architect, I know what I can and cannot do.” Her confidence makes you smile. “Besides, this is Vision-free land. He's never owned it. He's never lived on it. He's never traumatized me or the kids here. It's a land that is free to have an unlimited amount of good memories and none of them have to be tarnished by him.” Her grin widens and her shoulders relax at the thought. 
“That's wonderful,” you tell her softly. “So, why are you sharing this with me?” 
A blush appears on Wanda's cheeks and your heart picks up speed in anticipation for her answer. “I um, I could use your expertise in building it. Not anytime soon. I still have to get the money to fund the project but, there isn't anyone I'd rather have build it for me than you,” she smiles up at you. 
You lick your lips as you consider kissing her. But you think better of it. Billy or Tommy could walk in at any moment and catch the two of you. It's enough to make you stand up straighter instead of hovering close to her. “I'd be honored to build your dream house for you, Wanda.” 
Wanda rises from her chair and pulls you in for a warm embrace. “Thank you,” she says against your chest. 
“Of course,” you respond quietly as you wrap your arms around her. You close your eyes as you embrace the moment. “I should get going. It's pretty late,” you state without letting her go. Wanda hums in agreement as she also makes no motion to break away. 
Eventually, the two of you do break away and she offers to walk you to your car. You feel giddy as you remember the night of the kiss. Wanda’s mind is thinking about the same thing as she walks with you arm in arm. 
“I don't know if this is weird to mention but we did make a bet on it so I feel as though I kind of have to tell you about this,” you ramble nervously as the two of you get close to the car. “Uh, you win the bet. That volunteer texted me the other day.” Wanda's smile drops and her demeanor shifts a little. 
“Oh? And what did she have to say?” Wanda asks as she starts to feel her positive energy waiver. 
“Nothing worth mentioning,” you say in an attempt to let her know that you're not interested in Nebula as you reach your truck. “Anyway, I'm thinking about getting my haircut on Sunday after I pick up Rachel. Should I give you a call?” You lean against the door as you watch Wanda. She gives you a tight smile and you know that whatever you thought might happen isn't going to. 
“Yeah, I um, I think I have a few ideas ready. Just let me know where to be on Sunday,” she doesn't look at you as she speaks and you want to slap yourself for even mentioning another woman. 
“Okay, I'll make the appointment and text you the details,” you fiddle with your keys awkwardly. “I'll see you on Sunday,” you say as you climb into your truck. Disappointed in yourself. This was not at all how this was supposed to go. It was starting to feel like there are forces out there trying to keep the two of you apart. 
On Friday night, you stare at the message from Nebula as you consider responding while you sit at a booth with Darcy. It's becoming a common occurrence, hanging out with Darcy, Steve, and Bucky. Your coworker is typically the one inviting everyone out. You're surprised that he doesn't invite his girlfriend. In fact, you don't think you've seen Natasha since Wanda's New Years Eve party. And Steve hasn’t talked about Peggy in some time either. But you don't think about it too much. 
“I know that face,” Darcy says as she steals a couple of fries from your plate. 
“I don't know what you're talking about,” you put your phone in your pocket. 
“You have many faces, Y/n. That face is one of regret and frustration,” Darcy continues to steal your fries. You shake your head and look around the bar to avoid looking at your friend. “Come on, lay it on me. Is Wanda seeing someone finally? Did your former child-bride reach out to you?” 
“Daisy wasn't that much younger than me,” you defend as you take a sip from the beer bottle. “Besides, you never got to meet her. You don't get to judge.”
Darcy leans in closer with wide eyes, “She dumped you when your kid was in the hospital! What more do I need to know about her?” You shake your head. Then your eyes widen as they land on Steve and Bucky kissing. Your eyebrows knit together from the shock. “What?” Darcy spins around to search for what you could be seeing. Then she sees them. “Oh, yeah. That,” she turns back to you with a shrug. “I've known about that. Now back to you.” Darcy snaps her fingers in your face and waves until you look back to her. “Hello? What's going on with you?”
“What do you mean you knew about them?” You ask instead. “They both have girlfriends! They're cheaters! I didn't know I was friends with cheaters!”
Darcy sighs and rolls her eyes. “Calm down. The way I understand it, Steve and Peggy broke up sometime after that party at Wanda’s place. And Bucky and Natasha have an understanding. I don't know if it's an open relationship situation or a throuple or what. I don't ask them questions because I don't care. What I do care about is you. So, what's wrong?” 
You shake your head before running your fingers through your hair and sigh. “I fucked up,” you go on to explain the bet you made with Wanda about Nebula. “Then we kissed and before I could get a chance to talk to her about the kiss, I mentioned that she won the bet and she completely pulled away. I haven't been able to get a hold of her since. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just, she likes to win. I thought she'd like to know that she won and she gets to choose my next haircut.” You shrug then shake your head and then rub your face. 
Darcy reaches across the table and holds your wrist as a way to provide some sort of comfort. The two of you sit in silence for a moment. Darcy hasn't gotten to know Wanda enough to be able to explain her behavior. But she's known you for some time now and she knows that sometimes all you need is support. No encouraging words. No solutions to your problems. Just someone's presence. 
Steve and Bucky rejoin the two of you. Steve sits next to you and Bucky sits across the table next to Darcy. “What’d we miss?” Steve asks as he throws his arm around your shoulders. You shrug in response. 
“I'm an idiot,” you mutter. 
“Oh come on, I asked what I missed. Not what I already know,” he teases and with her free hand, Darcy throws some fries at him. “Ow, hey!” She snaps her fingers and points to you and you start to feel a little ridiculous. “Oh, I'm sorry Y/n,” he says once he is paying attention. You shake your head and stand up muttering something about leaving. “Hey, no, come on. It was a bad joke. Stay, Y/n,” he tries to call you back to the table. 
“You're so full of yourself, Steve!” Darcy says before she catches up with you. “Hey, lets-” 
“No, it’s fine. I'm fine. It wasn’t about Steve. He's always like that. I’m just…” you shake your head. “I need to go home.” You tell her calmly. “I won't do anything stupid, I promise.”
Darcy sighs then nods, “Yeah, okay. I'll see you soon. Oh! That reminds me, I will be moving to Germany to join a research team for a year. I leave in three months.” 
“Oh my goodness! Way to bury the lead!” You pull her into a quick hug. “Congratulations! That sounds like an amazing opportunity!” You pull away and admire her for a second. “You are possibly the coolest person I know.” 
Darcy closes her eyes, tilts her head, and smiles. “I know I am,” she says happily. She opens her eyes and pats your arm. “Get out of here. And tell Wanda I said hi.” 
You make a face, “Why would I tell Wanda-” 
“Oh please, you think I actually believe that you're going to your apartment? She is your home. And I better be receiving an invitation to the wedding by the time I come home from Germany.” 
You shake your head as you give her a final hug goodbye. You get in your car and consider driving to Wanda’s house. Her boys are with her so you try to not think about it. But as you're driving, you suddenly realize that you're close to her neighborhood. You sigh as you think about what Darcy said. Wanda is your home. You take the turn into her neighborhood and start to think about what you're going to tell her when you see her. 
As you pull up, you notice the time and frown as you see that the house is dark. You put the car in park and stare at her house. It was pretty late. You shouldn't have expected that she would be awake just because it was a Friday night. You don't even let Rachel stay up past eleven at night. But you know that sometimes Wanda likes to enjoy a glass of wine and catch up on her favorite reality show before going to bed. 
So you take your chances and call her. The phone rings a couple of times before you finally hear her voice. “Hey you,” she is speaking softly. You wonder if her boys are near her. Awake or asleep, there's a reason she is so quiet. 
“Hey, did I wake you?” You ask as you start to regret being here. 
“No, no,” Wanda says, her voice still low. “I’m catching up on my show. But um Billy had a nightmare. He’s sleeping next to me and I'm trying to not wake him.” Your eyes travel up to her window as you see the faint glow of the television through the blinds. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” 
You don’t respond right away. You just think about her. “No, I'm okay. I just,” you sigh. “I never responded to that volunteer. I want you to know that. I’m sorry if I-” 
“Y/n I don’t think now is a good time,” she interrupts. 
“I’m parked in the driveway. If you don't want Billy to hear,” you tell her quickly. You watch the shadows of the curtains move and the blinds open after a couple of minutes. Her silhouette stands in the middle of the window. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” 
Wanda is quiet as she stands still. You hope that she accepts your invitation. “Go home, Y/n. It's late and,” she trails off as she closes the blinds. “We don't have anything to talk about.” Your heart breaks at her words. 
“Wanda please,” you beg, “let's talk about this. Maybe not tonight but soon.” 
“Y/n, I,” her words seem to fail her as she goes quiet. You sit in your truck patiently waiting for her to continue. To say something. Anything. After a while you wonder if she hung up so you lift the phone off of your face and are slightly relieved to see that the call is still going. Then you watch the call end. Your eyes travel to the front door as it opens. 
Wanda walks out and you step out of the truck to meet her halfway but she holds her hands up to stop you. You stay close to the truck. “Wanda, can you explain to me what I did wrong? Because I don't feel like I-” 
Wanda waves her hand to cut you off, “Stop, you didn't do anything wrong. It's me. I'm… I wanted our friendship… I want us to…” she closes her eyes and shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I practiced this speech to myself since Wednesday but,” she sighs as she runs her fingers through her hair. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “When we kissed, I did want us to explore the possibility of more between us. Hell, I deleted all of the dating apps I was on and blocked every person I hooked up with that night. I thought I was ready. But I'm not. And it's not because of you. You are great. You're great to me, you're great to my kids, to my entire family actually.” She opens her eyes and you can see the tears building up. “I'm in a better place than I was when we first met but I’m not ready for anything more than your friendship. At least not right now.” 
You cast your eyes down to the ground for a moment to allow your heart to break. You bite your lips to keep from letting the emotions show on your face. Then, when you feel ready, you swallow your feelings and you nod. “Okay, yeah,” you look at her as you try to hide your sadness. “I can do that. I can be your friend. It’s okay, I understand that you still have a lot of healing or whatever to work through. It's okay, Wanda. I lo-” 
“Don't,” Wanda cuts you off and you nod with your mouth shut. “I know that you care about me. A lot. I care about you too. A lot. But I… I don't expect you to wait for me to be ready. No. Let me rephrase,” she steps closer and holds your hands. “Don't wait for me. Don’t put your life on hold for me.” 
You want to argue and fight for her but if this is what she wants then there isn't much else that you can do. You look her in the eye and ask, “Are you sure this is what you want?” Wanda nods. “Okay. I won't um I won't wait and I won't bring this up again. Not until you do. I understand.” 
“Thank you,” she says softly. 
“Will I still see you on Sunday?” You ask as you think about the bet again. “You still have a prize to collect,” you remind her playfully. 
“Yeah, I'll be there,” she flashes you a small smile that drops as fast as it appears. You drop her hand and shove your hand into your pockets. 
“Darcy wanted me to tell you that she said hi. I was hanging out with her before this,” you tell her. 
“That's nice, how is she doing?” Wanda crosses her arms over her chest to keep her body warm as a cool breeze comes by. 
“She's good, she'll be gone for a year. She got a big opportunity in Germany. But she's got three more months of being stuck here,” you inform her conversationally. Trying to move past the emotionally heightened moment. 
“Wow, that sounds fascinating. I'll have to reach out to her. I liked meeting her,” Wanda says. 
“I'm sure she'd love that,” you nod then you look at your watch. “I'll let you go back inside. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-”
“No, I'm glad you did. I'll see you on Sunday,” Wanda kisses your cheek before she walks away. “Goodnight, drive safe,” she shouts over her shoulder as she continues walking to her front door. You climb back into your car and drive to your apartment. 
You allow yourself to cry and feel the heartbreak. You don't drink alcohol to forget it or make it easier. You don't smoke from the pack of cigarettes that you purchased on the way home. You just lie on your bed and clutch a pillow to your chest. 
On Sunday you pick up Rachel from her mom's house and tell her that you lost a bet to Wanda and that she is going to pick out your new haircut. Rachel giggles with excitement. 
“A mullet? Really?” You look at Wanda like she is crazy. “Are you trying to sabotage my dating life?” 
Wanda laughs with a shrug, “It's not my fault your hair is long enough for it. Besides, I hear it's a very popular style for the They/Thems of the world.” You shake your head as she plays with your hair. The hairdresser laughs at the request as well before promising that the style is coming back. You tell him to just get it over with. 
In the end, you don't completely hate it but you still don't feel like it's your style. However, Wanda's boys love it. “Mom, I want my hair like Y/n's! Mom, can we get our haircut too?” 
“Oh, I'm sure that the schedule is busy and we didn't make an appointment for you two,” Wanda tried to tell them.
“Oh we have a couple hours free, I don't mind giving them a cut. The kids want to match their parent,” Clint says. 
“Oh I'm not,” you stutter. 
“We’re just friends,” Wanda corrects. 
Clint nods as he eyes the two of you with a knowing smirk. “So am I cutting the kids' hair or not?” he asks a little loud, drawing the attention of the boys. The twins begin to beg over and over until Wanda caves. They cheer as they each hop into a chair. Clint disappears into the back to collect his wife to cut Billy's hair while he works on Tommy. 
You sit next to your daughter and Wanda sits on the other side of her. “What about you? Do you want to get a haircut?” Wanda asks. 
Rachel shakes her head with a scrunched-up face. “No, I'm okay.” 
“Her hair doesn't grow back fast. It took a while for it to get this long,” you explain. “That's her mom's genetics,” you say lightly as you mess with Rachel's hair. She swats her hand away and goes back to playing games on your phone. 
When the boys are done with their haircuts the group of you decide to grab some ice cream together and enjoy the treats at a nearby park. 
Wanda is messing with your hair as you watch the kids play on the playground. “Why are you suddenly so obsessed with my hair?” You ask with a laugh.
“I don't know, I've never seen a mullet in person. It looks so… touchable. I don't know. I can't explain it,” Wanda replies as she continues to move her fingers through your hair. “Business in the front,” she touches the front of your hair and then moves her hand down to the back, “party in the back!”
You shake your head slightly, “You're insufferable, you know that right?”
“I know,” she says. As much as you are giving off the impression that you don't want her to touch your hair, you're happy that she is. 
“I'm starting to rethink this whole friendship thing,” you grouch with a playfulness to your tone. 
“Whatever, Uncle Jesse,” she pulls her hand out of your hair and holds her phone up. “Say cheese!” You roll your eyes as she takes candid pictures of you. Then she calls her boys over to pose with you. The three of you show off your new haircuts. 
After going to a fast food restaurant for dinner, you and Wanda decide it's best to split from each other so that the kids can get ready for school on Monday. Everyone hugs each other goodbye. 
“Baba?” Rachel asks for your attention as you're driving home. You hum to let her know that she has your attention. “When you do fall in love again. I hope it's with someone like Wanda.”  You don't say anything as you keep your eyes on the road.
Chapter 18
Taglist: @princessprudy @sayah13 @agaymilflover @awkwardmandalorian @bentleywolf29 @thatshyboy1998 @artisannat @thisischaismagic @wqndanat @madamevirgo @likefirenrain @tearsofglitter @feltlikethat @the-writer-arcane @natashasilverfox @karsonromanoff @aloneodi @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous @jovialsublimecomputer @natasha-maximoff @iliketozoneout @doudouneverte @druggedduck @notbornbutforged @when-wolves-howl @lifespectator @justyourwritter69 @wandaromamoff69 @awesomelygayasf @nekoannie-chan @diaryoflife @wuwu96 @wandanats-goodgirl @sincerely-indi @blueredg52 @sisiofthemultifandom @fuzzyuniversityeclipsefriend @arcturusseer @scarlettwidow34 @chasethemoon @raven-ss @canyonyodeler @sokovianbaby @alexawynters @bittysworld @hopeless-romantic17177 @spongebobtentacles @the-ox-fan20
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keykeep · 2 years
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Kinktober Day 19- Truth or Dare- Charlie Weasley
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warning: master/slave,anal,female masturbation,blowjob.
“Can we play with your hair?” You and Tonks asked Bill Weasley who was perched on the floor with you, Tonks and Charlie playing Truth or Dare. “Fine” he mumbles as you and Tonks wave your wands changing colours and styles until you land on green pig tails. You two giggling and satisfied with leaving his hair like that.
“Okay, my turn” Bill announces to the room, “Charlie, truth or dare?” “Truth,” he says to his older brother. “Who's your favourite sibling?” laughter filled the room as Charlie replied, “you Bill” he mumbles to his proud brother.
“Okay, Dears, we are going to bed don't be too loud you'll wake the kids” Molly announces to the room as Arthur and Molly hug their sons before departing from the room.
“Now the real fun can begin” Bill announced rubbing his hands together.
Charlie looked around the room before landing on you, “truth or dare?” feeling the intense gaze of everyone in the room you answered with truth as Charlie raised his eyebrows and said “neck, ear or nipple which do you prefer to have nibbled on?” a chorus of ooh’s went around the room.
“Neck” you mumbled softly, you turned to Tonks to ask truth or dare and there was no surprise when she picked dare. “Tonks, perform a sexy dance in front of everyone” “only if you do it too” she announced pulling you to your feet.
You and Tonks danced for the brothers who were mesmerized by your moves from the stay of your hips to your shaking of your breasts judging from the smiles on their faces and their hands covering their crotches. They thoroughly enjoyed it.
Sitting back down Tonks turned to Charlie and asked him truth or dare, he picked truth as Tonks leaned closer and said “who was the last person you dreamt about?” Charlie's freckled face flushed as his eyes met yours as he said your name. Tonks and Bill grilling Charlie about the contents of this dream as you continued staring at him your cheeks burning. Charlie replied “I’ve fucked her in loads of positions” which made you smile.
Truthfully, you had a crush on the Weasley and loved his dedication to dragons and Quidditch, but you always thought he wouldn't ever see you as anything more than a friend.
He turned to you asking you the burning question, This time you chose dare. He nodded announcing “touch yourself until your next turn” everyone looked at you as your eyes grew. “Here? In front of everyone,” he looked at Bill and Tonks before turning back to you and nodded.
You lifted your skirt until it was bunched around your waist as your fingers slid between your thighs, your gaze fixated on Charlie you slid your fingers into the waistband of your panties working your fingers into your cunt letting out a small moan at the feeling.
With a shaky breath you gave Tonks her next dare. “Make out with Bill” you dared, as you gently stroked yourself as spread the moisture around your cunt. Before alternating between teasing your clit to plunging deep inside yourself.
As they turn to each other you keep your gaze on Charlie who is palming his erect cock through his pants. You push a finger inside you as you begin to pump them in and out as fast as you can.
Your back arches as you release sharp intakes of air and mumbled words of pleasure. Your legs shake as cum flows down leaving a wet patch on the floor.
Conveniently it was Bill's turn to tell you a dare. “Become a slave for 10 minutes to Charlie” you slid closer to him as you cup his face in your hands, “Master I'm all yours” he swears under his breath before he kisses you pulling you flush against him, “on your knees, now?” He said breathlessly as you knelt before him. “Open wide” you obeyed his command letting your lips part as his erect cock slips into your mouth slowly. You painstakingly run your tongue all over the sensitive head of his cock.
You moan at the luscious taste. You began to lower your mouth on his cock inch by inch getting as much of his cock as your throat could handle. His strong hands gripped your hair as your tongue ran around his tip to his shaft in one long lick. You start to raise and lower your mouth over him sucking at him as he grunts in approval. His hands on your hair dictate how much his thrusting into your mouth.
When Charlie suddenly stopped you “god I want you to taste my cum, but I also want to fuck you so badly, get on all fours” you obeyed his command getting in position and awaiting your next instruction. You felt Calloused hands stroking your ass as he rubbed lube onto his hard cock.
He pressed his cock against your ass, not yet inside you as he slowly inserted himself inside you as you took him in as your body stretched to accommodate his big cock. You felt him move inside you pushing himself in deeper until his moving in long strokes.
You moaned his name as you felt his hips flush against your ass, as he thrusts in and out of you. His hand moves to your clit stimulating that in rhythm with his thrusts. His intense pounding and the pressure on your clit was too much, as you felt yourself tighten, whole body shaking as your orgasm approached. 
The pounding continued until you felt Charlie still, him emptying himself inside you as his body shook through his own orgasm. You pulled apart bodies dripping with sweat. As the room became clearer you looked up to see Tonks and Bill pleasuring themselves to the scene in front of them. 
“Fuck, that was hot” Tonks moaned as she bucked her hips against her hand trying to get deeper. Your eyes went to Bill who had his erect cock in his hand stroking it from shaft to tip with his head tilted back.
You turned to Charlie as you were now filled with determination. A new mission for years to come, You waned to replay every dream Charlie had about you with him. But one thig is for certain, you didn’t care if you had an audience or not as long as you had Charlie Weasley. 
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focsle · 10 months
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Medicine Aboard A Whaler
I answered an ask about this some years back that was...a few paragraphs long and was before I learned that some people have the stamina and desire to read 3k+ word whaling essays from me. So if ye count yourself among them, here you go!
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On August 21st, 1870 aboard the whaleship Sunbeam, two-time whaler Silliman Ives found himself ill with a condition “very akin to mumps, with the exception of the swelling”. It prevented him from opening his mouth, and he dreamed of the days when such an action was possible.
“I never really appreciated the luxury of a good gape before. When a fellow cannot open his mouth to any greater extent than the width of a lead pencil, gaping is not a success to say the least. And then anything in the way of a sneeze is entirely out of the question, unless you are prepared to part company with the top of your head at very short notice. A ship is a hard place to be unwell in. So long as one is in good health you can get along nicely. But if you are sick the only place where you can find sympathy is in the dictionary. And then too the remedies at hand are limited in number and obsolete in use. Your medicine chest is filled with medicines in use a hundred years ago, but which modern pharmacy has dispensed with to a very great extent. Calomel and castor oil and such like delectable doses. There is no question about it. A whale ship ought to have a surgeon, and the law should oblige such vessels to carry them. When I get into Congress I shall introduce a “Bill” to that effect.”
As Mr. Ives noted, American whaleships went without doctors aboard even when the work was rife with injury and illness, and often quite far from access to any kind of care ashore. On British whalers it was required by law for a surgeon to be signed on for the voyage—Sir Arthur Conan Doyle was one on a voyage bound for the Arctic and apparently fell in the water so many times that the crew called him the 'Great Northern Diver'. However on American whalers—which dominated the industry—a doctor was seen by the agents as an unnecessary expense. There was the captain, the carpenter, and folks who could mend sails. Together, that makes one whole doctor! Right?
Read on, to see how they fared.
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1845 whaleship medicine chest from the collection of the New Bedford Whaling Museum.
Joan Druett, in her book Rough Medicine highlighted some really fascinating things that came as a result of this, ranging from men who had scars that healed in a herringbone pattern because they were mended like canvas, to this wild tale about an amputation performed between a captain and mate at gunpoint:
“Another stirring tale told is of a Captain Coffin, who was hurt so badly in a whaling accident that it was obvious his leg would have to go. Being the master, the medic, and the patient all at once, he knew the situation was complicated, but he was more than equal to the task. He sent for his pistol and a knife, saying to his mate, “Now, sir, you gotta lop off this here leg, and if you flinch—well, sir, you get shot in the head.” Then he sat as steady as a rock while the mate went at it with the knife, holding the pistol unwaveringly until the operation was completed. No sooner was the stump wrapped up and the leg cast overboard than both men fainted.”
It was the captain's responsibility to provide medical treatment. Often without training himself, he was simply given a medicine chest full of numbered tinctures for various treatments. Those tinctures were a mix of chemical and herbal compounds, some which are still used holistically today and some that you.....absolutely want nowhere near your body. Epsom salts as a laxative, laudanum for painkiller, St John's wort for bruises and burns, mercury for syphilis, rosemary as an antiseptic, lead acetate as an anti-inflammatory, arrowroot for dysentery, henbane for insomnia, and on it goes from the innocuous to the dangerous.
John B King was a rare doctor aboard a whaleship, sailing on the Aurora out of Nantucket in 1837. He wasn’t hired as a doctor though; for reasons unknown he initially obscured his identity and joined simply as a foremasthand until his skills were revealed and he became the ship’s doctor. On that voyage he kept a book of the medicines he used.
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John King’s medicine list, from the collections of the Nantucket Historical Association.
In addition to dosing medicine, the captain would also be responsible for setting broken bones, stitching wounds, and amputations. Benjamin Boodry, who had been whaling since the age of 13 and by 1856 was captain of the Fanny described instances in which he had to tend to his crew.
“At 2 o clock a cask of watter rooled away in the Bluber room and one John Haggerty tryed to stop it and got his leg broke just above the Nee there was another chance to show my surgical skill set it splinted it and bandaged it.” “McKee fel from the Main Topsail yard on deck bled him in both arms he came to some broke his arm and leg and badly bruised”.
Fortunately for McKee, his accident happened off the coast of Faial. The captain sent for a doctor ashore to examine him. He was advised to leave McKee in the Azores where he could receive more proper rest and treatment. But if land was a long way off, people had to make do the best they could.
Some captains had a better bedside manner than others. Where Silliman Ives felt terribly neglected in his illness, William Abbe of the Atkins Adams, 1859, had quite a different experience. He turned to the captain for help with a painful swelling on his hand that eventually grew so bad he was unable to use it.
“The captain was extremely tender in his treatment of my hand, pouring on laudanum to relieve the pain, lancing with caution and as tenderly as could he and using every means in his power to make me comfortable—washing my hand thrice a day with warm water and cutting away dead skin, pressing out matter in a manner that gained my affection + respect. Mrs. Wilson sent me preserved meats, pickled oysters, cake, buttered bread and seconded her husband in all his care. I felt a great deal of respect for both these kind people + shall repay it when I can […] The Cap treated us all with a care + skill that surprised me — I supposed that we should be left to take care of ourselves—the case in many ships, but we were not only cared for but allowed to stay below until we thought fit to return to duty.”
Mrs. Wilson--the captain’s wife--stepping up to help was not so unusual. Often whaling wives also found themselves taking on the role of doctor. All throughout July 1846, Mary Brewster was busy tending to the ailments of the crew aboard the Tiger.
“The last part of the day I have spent in making doses for the sick, in dressing some hands and feet, 5 sick and I am sent to for all the medicin. I am willing to do what can be done for any one particularly if sick for in whaling season a whaleship is a hard place for comfort for well ones and much more sick men.”
She reported that all her patients recovered, with the exception of a young man with a liver complaint beyond her immediate treatment.
Other times, other members of the crew served as de facto doctors as well. One such man was veteran whaler John Martin aboard the Lucy Ann 1842. In addition to being a skilled watercolorist, he also had a knack for bloodletting and tooth pulling. Often he made note of his ministrations in his journal:
“Blistered Frank on the side for his pleurisy & the steward on the neck for the sore throat” “Cupped the steward on the back of his neck with wine glasses and lanced with razor for want of proper instruments, which gave him almost instant relief” “Pulled a large jaw tooth for one of the crew. I lanced the gum with a penknife & set him spouting thick blood, & at the second wrench of the iron turned it up.” [Very cheeky language he’s using here, the same sort of talk one uses when hunting whales] “The loose whale struck Mr. Dean on the lower jaw & broke it, & knocked out 2 of his lower teeth, & he was taken on board [...] Sat up with Mr. Dean last night [...] Bled Mr. Dean [...] Drew 3 teeth from Mr. Deans broken jaw.” “Bled Antone. Since the death of Manuel, Antone has been on the sick list with swelled testicles and pain in his back. Poor fellow, he is very much frightened & thinks he is going to follow Manuel. He occupies the same bunk. When I bled him, he was so frightened that the perspiration stood on him in large drops, & groaned like a person dying.” “Blistered and glystered [clystered, i.e. gave an enema] Antone.”
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One of John Martin’s watercolors from his journal. NBWM.
Blistering, bleeding, and emetics were among the most common treatments for all that ailed a man aboard. John King included his recipe for creating a blistering plaster and its uses:
“Blisters are serviceable in affections of the chest attended with much pain and difficulty of breathing. Bleeding or purging is proper previous to the application. Severe and long-continued headaches are relieved by a blister to the back of the neck. In all cases before applying a blister, the part should be washed with warm vinegar and wiped dry. The plaster should be spread as thick as a wafer on soft leather. When laid aside it soon becomes mouldy in the dampness of a ship, but if rubbed over with a knife the same one will draw two or three times. When very old it loses its strength. From eight to twelve hours is the time usually required for drawing a blister. Then remove it and dress with basilicon or simple ointment”
Other ailments were met with more specific treatments. It was not uncommon to see logbooks noting several men laid low on account of ‘the venereal’. William Chappell, a cooper and boatsteerer aboard the Saratoga in the early 1850s commented on the frequency the mate found himself off duty following liberty ashore. 
“Our mate is off duty again with that disgracefull disease and as near as I can find out it threatens destruction to a small but very usefull member of the body  I am sorry for him but he is old enough to know better than to play with every body that looks pretty and bewitching”
“Flaxseed tea is very serviceable in clap”, wrote John King in his journal, as well as white vitriol “sometimes used as an injection in protracted cases of clap.” For syphilis, the common treatments were more severe. King writes,
“No 25. Mercurial Ointment This is frequently used in venereal cases for bringing the system under the influence of mercury. The bulk of a small nutmeg is rubbed on the inside of the thighs morning and evening until the gums are slightly sore. It is a good application to chancres when mixed with twice the quantity of lard, and renewed twice a day.”
Mercury compounds could also be injected into the urethra. There were doctors who spoke out about the use of mercury in treating syphilis contemporary to when use was at its height. One 1853 advertisement in the New Bedford newspaper the Whaleman’s Shipping List reads,
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“Important to the Afflicted CONFIDENTIAL TREATMENT in Medicine and Surgery may be had of Dr. TOMPKINS at his office in rear of the Apothecary’s Shop, No 58 Middle, corner of North Second St  Dr. TOMPKINS gives particular attention to the treatment and cure of private diseases. All those who have been taking medicines of their own prescribing, or from certain inexperienced or self-styled physicians, for a long time without benefit, are respectfully invited to call on Dr Tompkins, who is a regularly educated Physician of twenty years experience, and is competent to treat diseases of all kinds, and in every stage and form. Dr. T. warns the public against the abuse of mercurials; he is convinced by long experience, that most of the chronic affections, generally supposed to be the relics of diseases, are merely the effects of a long continued course of mercury. Recent affections cured in a very short time, without a grain of mercury”
Even with such objections, mercury compounds still were the standard and did more to sicken their patients than cure them. While whalers were often listed as being off duty due to venereal disease, there was less comment about whether or not they were given anything to attempt to alleviate it compared to other conditions.
“Our mate limping about again—had another furious attact of the venereal He is a used up man I fear,” Mr. Chappell wrote. Ultimately the mate was in a poor enough condition that he left the voyage at the next provision stop they made.
Scurvy was another common affliction. Given that whaleships spent extended time at sea and were loathe to waste too much time with anchoring somewhere, fresh food ran low quite often. When whaling in the Atlantic and South Pacific whalers usually fared okay, as there were a fair number of provision stops in locations that had fresh fruits and vegetables readily available for trade. It was on said provision stops that whalers could also, as said by Samuel Wood of the Bowditch, 1849, take a walk to 'knock the scurvey from their bones’. In seasons that took place up north however, in the North Pacific, Sea of Okhotsk (Kamchatka Sea), Bering Strait, and eventually up into the Arctic, scurvy was extremely prevalent. The fresh food depleted, the ice was always a threat, and unlike other regions there weren't many accessible places to resupply with large amounts of foods that could ward off scurvy. It's in reading journals during these periods that I find the most complaints of scurvy. And sometimes, the more successful the voyage was, the sicker the men would get because they'd spend more time up there rather than giving up and returning south. The US Consul in Hawaii complained of this in the 1840s, saying:
"Whaleships were much more successful in taking oil on the North West during the last summer and fall than for three or four seasons previous and most of the vessels remained on the fishing grounds much longer than usual, the consequence of which was that many of the crews were severely afflicted with scurvy, some died after reaching port and before they could be landed, while others were carried to the hospital on litters, being too feeble to walk."
There were endless attempts to ward it off. John Martin wrote of men "In the evening, dancing cotillions and jumping the rope to keep off the scurvey". It didn't seem to do much. Within two weeks:
"One man on the sick list, supposed to be caused by his being so long at sea. All hands are complaining of soreness throughout their bodies. If we do not get on shore soon, we may expect to have half the crew down with the scurvey at least. We have no vegetables on board, and are going into King Georges Sound, New Holland [southwest tip of Australia], a place where we can scarcely get anything to recruit with."
His captain allowed the crew unlimited vinegar and free access to the potato pen. The vinegar, a mistaken remedy due to its acidity, wouldn't have helped much. Potatoes are an excellent source of vitamin C, more so when they're raw, but they were rather intolerable to eat in such a way.
William Chappell spoke of a similar struggle with potatoes, and the grim humor the lads maintained to choke them down:
“Three of our men are off duty with the scurvy which makes its appearance in the knees and feet All hands are called aft every morning to get 2 or 3 potatoes apies which they are required to eat raw in the preasance of the officers for fear they may throw them overboard as many require presing invitation to partake of the dainties They have however a considerable sport over them Call them Kodiak Peaches”\
Aside from the crunch of Kodiak Peaches, Dr. King had his own remedy for scurvy as well:
“13. Salts of Lemon This is good in scurvy when fresh fruit and vegetables can not be obtained. A teaspoonful dissolved in half a pint of water will form an acid nearly the strength of lime juice. It may be mixed with water and taken freely, sweetened or not. [it makes a good substitute for lemonade, in fever, to allay thirst in fever] Water made slightly acidic with it is a good substitute for lemonade to allay thirst in fever."
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The Sailor’s Hospital in Lahaina, Maui, constructed in the early 1830s.
For all the varying attempts to hold off sickness, it took root among crews nearly every voyage. J.E. Haviland of the Baltic, in the early 1850s spent the last few dozen pages of his journal in a state of declining health and low spirits.
“My side and breast pain me nearly all times I have not been on deck since I came below. The Captain and Mr Stivers are both very kind and come down to see me as often as once a day and sometimes two or 3 times. I am taking medicine but it does not seem to do much good but I think I am better than I was at first. Dear mother how I do wish I could see you once more. I get so homesick and I know I am peevish and cross. Some days I cannot get out of my bunk at all. I blame the captain (wrongfully I know) thinking he does not give me the right medicine but it is a very bad place to be sick at sea.”
He suspected it was due to the harsh conditions of whaling up North, but also held a fear within him that it might be something more serious that couldn’t be remedied simply by warmer climes.
“Dear mother, I shall be obliged to leave the ship when we arive at the Sanwich Islands for I do not think I could live doing another season in the cold Norwest. My cough seems to increase and the pain in my side gets no better I am getting weaker each day and am getting very thin in flesh. I have said nothing as yet to the old man about my leaving at the island as I do not know as he will be willing that I should; but I intend going to a doctor and in all probability will tell the old man I am not fit to go North in the ship […] I would like very much to be in the states now for I am afraid this will turn out to be the Consumption that I have. I think if I could have good medical advice I might get rid of it before it got seated upon my lungs. I am afraid it will be a long before I shall see my native land again.”
Ultimately Haviland is discharged from the ship because of his sickness and is left at the Sailor’s Hospital in Lahaina. His stay seems to do him well. His last entry reads:
“I have been here now going on two months and am entirely free from my cough and think I feel as well as ever again. It is intensely hot and I am heartily sick of the place and sincerely wish I could get away but I do not expect any chance before next fall.”
Unfortunately from here he completely drops off the record, so it’s unknown if he ever made it back home. Like so many of these men, he slips through the cracks of documented history. It’s only through their journals, preserved by chance, that their voices and challenges and feelings are known. Often a whaling voyage marked at least one death due to disease or injury. But many also recovered, sometimes rather miraculously given the circumstances and extent of their ailments. In the face of the conditions of a whaler and the limitations of care both in terms of resources and medical understandings at the time, I’m always surprised that there wasn’t more death. People did what they could, with the knowledge they had.
But as so many people expressed while laid up in their bunks: it’s a hard time to be sick at sea.
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tuliprry · 1 year
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asthore (h.s)
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summary: "yn and harry have been married for 3 years now, still a secret to the public. this is a comfort story, going back and forth of how they met and their married life and a lot of sweet drama in between. very full of love, fluffy, safe. "
asthore main post
word count: 3.3k
warnings: death, anxiety, depression, christimas time, sex mention, fluff
sunday, 17 of december 2022, 3:36pm 
the cold breeze from christmas approaching in the small italian village almost freeze y/n’s bones as she’s cruising through the christmas markets, the ligurian sea facing her as she hands a 5€ bill to the italian man that just finished filling a jar with taggiasca olives, “grazie! buone feste!” y/n says as she puts the jar back in the jean tote bag and covering her right hand with the black comfy glove once again. the humidity has driven y/n to have her hair constantly covered by a beanie or her curls would be so tangled she would spend an eternity in hair masks trying to salvage it. the phone pings. 
soupy
“just passed passport control, 30 minutes and i’m home. i love you x H”
y/n smiles, feeling her cheeks blush up from thinking about seeing her husband after nearly two months since halloween in los angeles, the butterflies from being apart fly more in her stomach as she rushes to their italian home, this was the first christmas both their families would spend in the home they have been building in the small coastal village of sanremo, y/n had done her masters in  the university of verona and absolutely fell in love with the country. and here she is, buying olives for christmas eve dinner, the first ever she’s hosting herself. 
the white gate opens up as y/n presses the button attached to her keys, she sighs at the car standing in the driveway as harry told her to try and get used to it and he would teach them how to drive but y/n has a unreasonable fear of cars, even when she had to drive the bumper cars, she would cry and her dads would end up picking her out of the car. she walks down the darkened stone (by the raindrops) path, the automatic light shines, lightening up the whole entrance area, y/n opens the green heavy front door and is greeted by patata and notte, their two cats, “ahh my two girls!! daddy is about to be home so mama is gonna heat up the soy lasagna and light some candles!” y/n is used to only talking to the two kittens she had rescued with harry, she takes her gloves and beanie and her long brown coat, hanging them by the door as she closes it behind her. 
soupy
“it’s raining really bad, i’m at the petrol station right by the theatre, 10 minutes i’m all yours, sweet bunny. god i miss you x”
bunny
“i already threw your jammies in the dryer so they’re warm when you get here, turned the ac on and i’m watching british news, just for you”
soupy
“you’re an angel!!!!! my angel wife”
y/n wrapped herself in a black silk robe that matches her pyjama set and sat on the sofa, heart heavy awaiting for harry to open the front door and them reuniting, her stomach was seriously going through it, she could barely work in the morning and had cereal for lunch as she felt too eager to even think about eating. the news were mentioning winter wonderland in london and how crowded they were after the pandemic, y/n missed london a little bit, being her home for most of the year and 2022 being the first time she’s not having a hot cocoa by the london eye just staring at the tourists. her stomach growls again, her anxiety is leading up to not knowing if she should even eat or stay pretty by the door so she can immediately kiss harry. 
she opted to fill up the kettle with water so they could have a tea and harry could warm up, as the water boiled the sound of a car motor makes its way into the house, meaning harry was home, in unicorn slippers y/n gets out of the house in a rush. harry is parking his car next to his other one and y/n is regretting being outside in slippers but she couldn’t wait one more second. 
and there he was…
he stood tall leaving the car, wearing light blue jeans and black vans, his upper body was covered by y/n’s favourite coat of harry’s, the multitude of greens and how long it looked y/n genuinely wanted the coat for herself, his hair clipped back with his regular black clip and his smile, y/n felt her entire body relaxing as she sloppily ran to his arms under the humidity of sunset. “fuck, fuck, you’re real” his arms wrap around the short figure in front of him, “fuck, my y/n” he sighs in relief and keeps the embrace just as tight. y/n places her chin on his upper chest and looks at him, his face structure coral-ish like the sun just about to set. “i missed you” their lips meet, a kiss they had been longing for almost two months, yet as their lips collide it’s like no time as passed, they went to sleep and woke up together, just like their meant to be. “harry i love you but i came outside in my jammies and i’m freezing” y/n shivers as she speaks up, he can’t help but keep a stupid smile on his face, this was his most normal, his wife saying she was cold begging them to go inside, his brain filled with deja-vu, “goooo inside, dummy” he says, opening the boot of the car, taking his suitcase out of it, y/n had already grabbed his backpack and made her way into the house, making harry stand a few meters from the door, feeling nothing but relief, to be home.
monday, 18 of december 2023, 4:13am
harry woke up almost jumping from the sofa, looked at his phone, 4:13am, y/n was passed out in the sofa as well, their cats asleep between them and the electric fireplace still on as well as the bbc 1 still playing out the news from throughout the day. 
a big yawn escaped his lips as he slowly got off under the covers to grab a chocolate brioche from the kitchen, he knew y/n like the back of his hand, keeping the chocolate brioches at hand for a lat night craving of something sweet. harry for the first time in a few months felt genuinely at peace, not that he doesn’t love tour, he does, he can’t stop touring and seeing the familiar and unknown faces he hold in his heart with so much love but just sometimes he misses home, home isn’t exactly a place for him, because harry has a lot more houses than he could explain, but he only has one y/n, a short irish and scottish teddy bear in a human form that writes her fingers off and spends too much time in front of her computer and totally belongs to the generation he longs to understand. he walked back into the living room, y/n’s now sleepy eyes open, petting the cats, “harry! we fell asleep on the sofa…can we go to bed?” his heart skipped a beat right there, her curls messy from the sofa pillow, eyes droopy, cheesy smile on her lips from having him home. home. she was home.
the sleepy couple headed off to bedroom with their two cats following them, y/n and harry have always allowed their kitties to sleep in bed, even though sometimes the cats do bite harry off the bed, “how are patata and notte doing at night?” harry asks as he slides under the covers with small roses that y/n picked and he loves so much, “well patata sleeps on top of my feet and notte well… she likes to stay under the covers” y/n admits not changing notte’s behaviours, “y/n! she’s gonna bite me off the bed! again!” y/n gets under the covers as well and kisses his lips softly, “god i missed having you home”, y/n places her self on top of him, “oh bunny.. you almost make me forget the jet lag” harry kisses y/n, this time more abruptly, almost raw. “fuck! i missed you”
10:46am
the regular sunny beach town’s sky was covered in dark, heavy clouds, ready to burst at any given second, harry was aware of this, he was in the middle of his run and upset that the rain was going to interrupt his so beloved routine, he was running along the giardini municipali, his favourite place to run while they’re in their sanremo home, he checks his watch when a raindrop falls exactly on top of it, harry groans, he has left 20 minutes ago and his run was being cut short by an angry christmas weather rain that the old lady that lives next door has told him… or what he understood from his beginners italian. running back home in hopes to not get soaked was truly in vain. when he opened the green front door he was soaked through his entire clothes, he thought of y/n, likely still wrapped in the duvet, he almost envied her for a second but he knows y/n’s medication makes her crave her bed a little longer than he does. after a much needed shower harry walks quietly into the bedroom, curtains still closed, loud purring coming from the bed, a little night light on y/n’s side, still on, his hands gently rubbed through y/n’s cheek, a way he learned to wake her up without startling her, “mmmm too early” she moaned, still with her eyes shut close, “baby.. c’mon sweetheart, i made coffee and pancakes, i didn’t know if you wanted eggs” he says almost whispering, lowering his body, squatting down next to the bed, “oh the banana pancakes? with pecan nuts?” y/n opens her eyes, looking directly in his, “exactly those ones”, harry smiles doing the gentle rub on her cheek again, “okay i’m listening” y/n yawns, turning on her side to look directly at harry, “well..after breakfast we could start decorating the house maybe even finish our christmas shopping?” his hand now travelled to her hair, gently running his fingers through it. “mmmmm give me a kiss?” she asks, getting closer to the edge of the bed, “always, as many kisses as you want, bunny.”. 
the kitchen smelled exactly as y/n had hoped, of harry, banana, coffee and fresh bread, their kitchen was a little sanctuary for the both of them, the floor was almost like honeycomb, brown, yellow and dark red, usually very cold, the walls white, the cabinets a sage green y/n and harry fell in love with, a white oven that seemed too complicated at first and all of the kitchen adorned with gold details, the handles, the pots… the countertops were wood like, matching the kitchen table with mismatched chairs, the other side of the kitchen still with the sage cabinets, a window right on top of the big white sink and golden faucet, decorated with tulips, y/n’s favourite flower. the cat’s food bowls filled, the eggs sizzling in the frying pan, y/n begged her brain to take a screenshot of this moment and remember it forever. her happiest place, her and her husband. 
y/n sat on one of the mismatched chairs as harry placed the food in front of her, “vip treatment huh?” y/n mocks due to him being the one used to vip treatment, “for my wife? anything.. also i got super soaked in my run earlier” harry comments as he takes the eggs out of the pan to another plate, “you did? why didn’t u call me i would’ve.. well i would’ve cheered u up” y/n speaks with her mouthful with a pancake bite, harry thought it was cute, how her mind was always racing, y/n hates it, harry in the other hand thinks it makes her special, her brain never shuts off, more time he gets to spend with her in her little world. “well baby i knew you were asleep and this jet lag is so weird, woke up, fell asleep, woke up and then couldn’t sleep so i went and fed the cats and then i came back still couldn’t sleep so i went on my run without checking the weather app and well yeah but i’m okay” y/n felt hypnotised, yes she knows she’s married to him but just sometimes when he goes on his rambles, y/n likes to stare at him, his lips, his lips now covered with honey from the pancakes, she doesn’t know what power over her has given her the chance to be here, staring at her husband eating her favourite breakfast. “if you feel like you get a cough i have those cough drops from when i had covid, they were pretty good” her lips press together in worry, “baby i came home, took a shower and woke you up, i’m okay. i promise” 
promises were something big in their relationship, from harry’s perspective he needed someone he could trust blindly and from y/n’s perspective she has always been an open heart ready to trust anyone, so they met half way, keeping promises. promises that they wouldn’t hide stuff from each other, promises that they’d always be honest about their health, promises to stay in contact even if the signal is one bar in the middle of nowhere. right here, right now, their home is a promise from harry’s vows: 
“i promise, even when i’m far to always come back home to you, my love, i promise to make our home the most beautiful place that ever existed, just for you and me.”
the rain hit the kitchen windows pretty strongly, soothing the couple that was still eating breakfast,  “i don’t think going out is a very smart idea, soupy, look at the weather!” y/n says, calling harry by his nickname when they started dating, soupy, he had soup every day on facetime and y/n just came up with it, soupy and now even her family calls him soupy, “don’t call me soupy! and we are still doing stuff because decorating the house for christmas doesn’t require leaving” harry affirms, holding his plate and mug placing them on the sink, “the christmas decorations are in your studio harry and i’m not going to the other house” y/n pouts, “i love rain when i’m inside! not when i’m outside and need to do stuff!” she complains. a few meters away there’s a small house that harry converted into his studio while he was stuck in italy with y/n because of the pandemic, y/n stored the christmas things there and never touched them again, in all fairness it was a beautiful sunny january day and she was in a good mood. “fine, i’ll get them, you’re lucky i’d do anything for you”, “oh!!! can’t wait to tell my friends my husband would walk in the rain for me, what a man!” she mocks giggling against the mug, “mrs y/n styles you’re very sassy today!” he says in the same mocking tone, “it’s what happens when you fuck me to sleep, i wake up feeling like a spoiled princess” she keeps laughing, waiting to catch her breathe to finish her coffee. harry gets close and kisses her forehead and sighs in relief, “i love seeing you like this” y/n knew what harry meant, her depression and major anxiety really sprout up in the first few months of their marriage, making the first year even rockier than what they had anticipated, y/n is still medicated, for awhile harry felt like he had lost his y/n, until everything started piecing together like a puzzle, her smile, her jokes, her collection of books, her arguments in irish with one of her dads, it’s like his y/n had never left, she just needed a little boost that harry alone couldn’t give.
“wonders of antidepressants and a good loving night with my husband, you should know i’m always better with you around” she whispered against his lips, “i love you, bunny”, “and “i love you, soupy”.
to better understand this story, we have to go back to almost 40 years ago years ago, when y/n’s parents, cormac and callum first met, they were both 15, had the same classes, did everything together in their hometown of sterling, a true high school love story that lasted their entire lives, they considered themselves lucky, falling in love at a time it was no longer illegal to love each other in scotland, their love only grew with time, moving in together, dreaming of getting married, dreaming of having children.. which eventually happened when they were 25, elsie and ewan, their families thought they were insane, adopting twins at 25 and all the repercussions of only one of them actually being able to be “legally” their father, but they still did it, elsie and ewan were 1 year old when they were officially adopted by callum but they always taught them cormac was their father regardless of what any paper said. 
the year 1998 came along, cormac’s younger sister orla was pregnant, cormac was so excited that his children would have a cousin and nothing prepared him for the next months of his life, the day that should be of joy was clouded by sadness as his sister died while giving birth, making y/n immediately orphan with half a second of life in her body so cormac stepped up, christmas being the first holiday they all spent together, the 5 of them. just them.
when same-sex marriage became legal in scotland they did get married. even though, in their hearts they had been married since they were 15.
but before that, as the siblings grew, y/n had friends that didn’t have the best family environment, and cormac and callum had no luck trying to adopt them because their parents wouldn’t allow it, so as adults it did happen, simon and flora became the 6th and 7th member of the family. harry knew this story, y/n had told him this story a million times but he’s hearing it again as they get the christmas tree ready, he looks at her with an amount of love in his eyes that he’s not able to express if not by poetry in his hidden notebooks, “and well the rest you know, elsie is a teacher at the same school as my dad mac, ewan plays football in torino, simon is a tattoo artist in manchester and you know flora better than anyone” y/n explains once again as she places the handmade ornaments she got from and italian charity shop, “flora.. the baker that purposely calls me soups” harry goans as he makes sure the christmas lights are all working before placing them on the tree, “i didn’t know she was gonna give you hell for my nickname for you, harry, she’s the baby, i don’t like getting angry at her… are those lights ready?” 
“they’re ready”
“then help me put them on, soupy”
“kiss me first, under the mistletoe” 
“you’re so sappy!”
“thank god i found you then, to love all this sappiness”
“and i do. every single inch of you, tha gaol agam ort (i love you)”
“and i love you”
taglist: @grapejuice-rry @theekyliepage @madgracee @iamahallucinationnn (anyone else please tell me if u wanna be tagged in the next chapters!)
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Text
The Apothecary Diaries
S1E9 First Watch
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Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.
To start at the beginning:
Episode 1
Content Warning: discussion of suicide, suicidal thoughts
My character/location cheat sheet:
Sir Kounen - an officer who died drinking
Lady Ah-Duo - one of the top 4 concubines
Fengming - head LIW to Lady Ah Duo
Garnet Palace - Lady Ah Duo's residence
Cryptic opening. The officers are gossiping and drinking. Someone puts something in a drunk man's drink. He's a man who has had a fall from grace, perhaps a former well respected officer or war hero?
Jinshi is sulking. Love this for him. Gaoshun drops this line:
The Jinshi I know would never give in to such childish behavior. The Jinshi I know would never become so attached to a toy.
Which is reinforcing the theme that Jinshi is changing and he's not willing to keep up pretenses.
I don't love that Gaoshun has once again refered to Maomao as Jinshi's toy.
Apparently Lady Gyokuyou took pity on Jinshi and told him the truth, that Maomao hadn't hooked up with Lihaku. So this misunderstanding is cleared up but there was still damage done. Jinshi wants Maomao to trust him, to be able to come to him if she needs something, but instead she made a deal with a virtual stranger.
Gaoshun fills us in a little on how things have been on Jinshi's side. The day Maomao left the palace, Jinshi had rushed through his work because he had been looking forward to seeing her. He arrived at Jade Pavilion only to find she had left with another man. A shock and a disappointment to someone who is used to being able to use his sparkles to seduce any woman.
Jinshi's trying to wear a lot of hats. Here we see him reviewing bills that have been submitted by bureaucrats. Is this something that the Rear Palace manager is expected to handle, or are these responsibilities those of a prince? Gaoshun pities Jinshi for his workload. He has mostly managed it up until now, the exception being the time after the Garden Party when he became exhausted. It seems that Jinshi often has his hands full but can manage it until something unexpected is added to the queue. Even though he is so busy Jinshi makes time to see Maomao, but it's funny because she interprets that as him being bored and not having anything more important to do.
It seems Jinshi's workload will grow tonight however. An important man, Sir Kounen has died. Based on Jinshi's reaction to the news, this man was more than a mere acquaintance. Perhaps someone he served with in the military or someone he grew up around in the palace?
He seeks out Maomao the next morning. There is absolutely nothing to indicate that this is anything other than what it looks like which would be an accidental alcohol poisoning, but Jinshi is struggling to accept what happened and he needs to hear it from Maomao to know if it's true.
To Jinshi something isn't right. Sir Kounen could handle his alcohol, this was too sudden. And yeah, Jinshi definitely knew this man personally. He's upset that the man is dead for more than professional reasons. Jinshi doesn't seem to have a lot of close relationships, and now he's lost someone he knew and cared for. The timing of this is also challenging for Jinshi. At a time when he is trying to build up his close personal relationships, he loses one instead. And he's still reeling from everything that has been going on with Maomao. It must feel alienating.
Maomao notes that something is off with Jinshi.
He's acting meek. Must realize he's asking for the impossible. I prefer dealing with his usually-shiny self. Then again, for awhile now, Master Jinshi has been behaving more like a child.
Jinshi has emotions about this case and he's not interested in hiding them. He shows Maomao his grief and despair, and she's not comfortable with that. After the Garden Party when Maomao was poisoned she saw an incensed Jinshi and she knew she was seeing his real self. She preferred his real self then. Now she sees his pain, and that isn't something she can heal. She doesn't like to see him suffer. She'd prefer to see him sparkle over this pain.
And this is the second time this episode that someone has referred to Jinshi as childish. What is going on? Is it just because he is showing some emotion that he's getting called childish?
He's making himself vulnerable in front of Maomao and she's not great with vulnerability. Not in herself. And not in Jinshi. She has no idea what to do with a vulnerable Jinshi. She would prefer to deal with the sparkly Jinshi, even if that is a mask he wears. She doesn't understand yet that there is no going back to that. And she's too afraid to move forward with Jinshi. They're at an impasse.
Jinshi gives Maomao the booze that was served at the gathering and she proceeds to binge drink. Trying to poison herself maybe? She asks that they look into something for her.
Maomao really is superior. After she has the report she requested she easily solves the case of what happened to Sir Kounen AND offers her conjectures! I'm personally glad to see it after her self recrimination about it last episode. Maomao really does have good intentions, she wants to help identify the culprit (even if she does have some guilt about incriminating someone) and because it's Jinshi, she knows she can tell him and her words will be given careful consideration. Even so Maomao is conflicted with having shared her thoughts. If her conjectures ever do prove false and someone is hurt because of them, Maomao will be devastated.
Maomao sees Jinshi's mourning tassel and realizes why he's been acting strange. She does a kind thing and asks him about Sir Kounen. Seeing Jinshi reflect fondly on his memories, Maomao thinks he looks like a "regular person."
I guess he is human, after all.
The mask is off and the emotions are out and Jinshi is suddenly relatable. Where as before Maomao viewed him as some lofty official so far above such things as love or grief, now, in this moment, he's just a person who has lost someone he cared about.
Jinshi takes note of everything, with everyone, but especially with Maomao. It did not slip his notice that she loves booze. So today he has a gift for her, which she sincerely appreciates.
This whole scene has been too real for too long, and both of them are feeling a little too exposed. There isn't enough trust yet between them to maintain this level of intimacy. So Jinshi breaks the tension by teasing Maomao. She responds by accusing him of slacking, which is a well targeted shot, because the man is drowning in work.
They're teasing each other here, but having a real conversation, as Maomao asks him a question about his work. Jinshi really is quick witted because he shares with her about a bill that would ban young adults from drinking, landing his own well targeted shot. And then we get a sparkle from him. Nothing makes Jinshi happier than bantering with Maomao.
We get just a short glimpse of Jinshi later that night. He's alone, he's drinking, but he's also smiling. For as shitty as his day has been, he's feeling hopeful again after meeting with Maomao. He had let himself be vulnerable in front of her and she offered him a compassionate listening ear, by asking him about his deceased friend. She also asked him about his work because she's interested in learning more about Jinshi. And their banter felt comfortable, like they were returning to a place where they still knew where they stand with each other. He sees that although she has set some boundaries she's still interested and she's reaching out in her own careful way. Jinshi is insightful and I doubt any of that that was lost on him. Hence, his smile.
A woman's body was found in the moat around the palace. The doctor is as inept as ever. He can't bear to look at a dead body. Maomao doesn't feel repulsed at all, but has been ordered not to touch dead bodies since she struggles not to cross ethical lines when it come to her obsession with medicine. Jinshi concurs. Though I have question if that is the whole truth of the matter.
We get a nice interaction between Jinshi and Maomao.
Jinshi: There're somethings even you won't do, then.
Maomao: I figured you'd show up eventually.
Jinshi is teasing, knowing that it's going to be taken well. Maomao is just happy he's there, because his support and encouragement really does make it easier for her to solve these cases.
How on earth is this doctor going to manage to do this autopsy? He's so incompetent and unfit for his job, that I have to wonder if his placement in the palace is intentional. It seems unlikely that someone like that could have earned his placement, instead perhaps he was appointed precisely because of his incompetence. Maybe so that nafarious deeds could be done without notice?
Maomao doesn't touch the body, but she's not giving up on the case. She makes her observations and she seems deeply sad as she thinks about what the dead woman must have experienced. She realizes what happened to this girl and that realization, along with all of it's ramifications are having a powerful effect on her. She's unguarded for a moment and Jinshi notices.
Jinshi reviews the facts of the case with Maomao, but what he really wants are her thoughts on it, and he asks for them. Her conjectures that her father told her never to speak aloud. Maomao's powers of observation, and curiosity are unmatched, which she demonstrates as she logically lays out her theory of what happened to the servant girl.
Maomao's mood is darker than we've ever seen it before. She knows this could have easily been her, after all she is merely a servant girl herself. Up until now Maomao has seen people suffer and die from incompetence like with the poisonous powder, through malice that was meant to tease or harm, but not kill like with the fish that was served at the Garden Party or even the salt in Sir Kounen's alcohol. She has even seen people attempt to murder those who may deserve it, like with the horrible client at the brothel. She managed okay with each of those, but this time the target was a servant girl. Someone who's life means nothing and is easily discarded by people in power if she becomes inconvenient. The girl who died was powerless, like Maomao. And now she is dead.
Maomao considers thoughtfully for a moment both suicide and murder. She confirms that she doesn't want to die and wouldn't kill herself, but her reasoning for wanting to live is thin; she wants to continue testing drugs and poisons on herself. And though she claims she wouldn't kill herself, she has thought of how she would do it, which is a sign of just how dark her thoughts have been.
Jinshi has noticed her mood and asks for her thoughts. Maomao is vulnerable in this moment. Something she usually tries to avoid, but she's so despondent right now, it seems that even her usual anxiety around intimacy is subdued. She's in too dark of a place to even care what Jinshi thinks right now. Or maybe she just thinks he really needs to her this.
She tells Jinshi that she's thinking about what kind of poison she would use to kill herself. And Jinshi is in no way equipped for this conversation. He's so competent on so many levels, and he's not afraid of difficult conversations, but in this, he's lost.
Maomao says of dying:
It's not something that I want. But there are malicious third parties out there, who would wish to cause harm to other people.
It's not me today, but it may be tomorrow.
She continues on, talking about the inevitably of death.
We wander through life, never knowing when it's our time. That's fate. There's no way of resisting it.
They both turn away from each other and take a moment to think over the people who have suffered or died lately, and neither one knows quite what to do or say. They are both privately experiencing their own crisis in this moment.
Why is there so much evil in the world? Why so much suffering? Does any of it mean anything at if death is the end result anyway?
Maomao has been at the side of so much trauma as an apothecary and that trauma is now in conflict with her motivation to heal. If people suffer and die and none of it matters, then what does it mean to be a healer? This is Maomao's dark night of the soul.
Jinshi flounders. Where is this coming from? What changed? He can't read her thoughts here, he's as lost as he's ever been with Maomao and has no idea what to do. And he can't help her, because he doesn't understand. Maomao's on her own.
Maomao: If you're tasked with executing me, could you make sure it is with poison?
Both she and Jinshi may be powerless to prevent her death if someone in power wants her dead, so she asks for the one thing Jinshi could control, the method of her execution.
It's so, so dark. Such a terrible thing to ask of someone who cares about you. She recognizes that and apologizes.
But she's not wrong about the fact that it could happen. If she makes a mistake as she said, or if those malicious third parties that she mentioned earlier were to conspire. And the order to execute would fall to Jinshi.
Jinshi: You realize that's not going to happen?
Jinshi is panicking internally. Why is she saying this?! Stop it!
Maomao: I am but a lowly commoner. My life is easily taken away over the slightest error.
Just like the servant girl who was found dead in the moat.
Jinshi: I would never do that!
Maomao: It's not about would or would not. It's more can or cannot.
Jinshi gasps and Maomao knows she's hit a nerve. Because here we are again with the insurmountable class differences and Jinshi's inescapable responsibilities that stymy their relationship every time they take a step closer. Because of her class, Maomao's life is expendable. Because of his position he has to order executions even if Jinshi doesn't like it.
While the two are talking the sun is setting, signifying the end of a chapter between these two, then Maomao leaves. Jinshi looks more lost than we have ever seen him.
Devastatingly, the case of the drowned serving girl was covered up as a suicide, further proving Maomao's assertion that the girl's life is expendable, and all of her work is meaningless. We get a shot of Maomao contemplating it as she watches time pass by her window. She's experiencing a crisis of faith and will have to find a reason to believe that her efforts matter before she can reclaim what drives her.
And we close on a scene between Jinshi and Gaoshun. If Gaoshun was concerned before that Jinshi was acting childish, he need not worry any longer. He's every bit the lofty inaccessible palace master now. His walls are back up and indeed, he's quite a bit colder with Gaoshun than we've seen before.
It's painful to see, when Jinshi has made so much progress in opening himself up. But his trails have never been about his feelings or making himself vulnerable, instead he has to face the expectations that are placed on him. Maomao always seems to hit him in the most painful spots. This time she said that there may come a day when his station requires him to execute her, and there would be nothing he could do to stop it. The prince is powerless to defy his responsibilities.
So maybe what we see in this scene is despair or at least a retreat. Like Maomao, Jinshi is also questioning what does any of it matter? Why should he bother trying to connect with others if the barriers of his status make it impossible? If he can't protect the people he cares about, maybe he shouldn't care about them at all. Having to execute Maomao would destroy him. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt if he didn't care so much.
We see Maomao's and Jinshi's character arcs running parallel here. Each of them facing their own crisis and retreating. But things have changed and there is no going back. They may be able to briefly pull away from their problems but soon they will be facing these same trials again, until they can overcome them.
We do gain a lead in the case from awhile ago that involved caustic chemicals on wooden sticks. It turns out that Fengming, who works for Lady Ah Duo is the suspect.
A super heavy episode, with devastating consequences.
Every time the lovers take a step forward they are pulled away. I'm barely over 1/3 of the way through this show though, so I suppose that's to be expected at this point in the story. There are many trials left for Maomao and Jinshi and they have a long way yet to go.
I like the way the relationships and the plot are building on each other and I have to appreciate the storytellers for adding so much nuance to it. The writing is phenomenal and the animation and voice performances are so good at telling it. Nothing is wasted. Not a single superfluous shot. I'm amazed that the animators are so good at expressing subtle and complex emotions. And the voice actors have been incredible about keying in to exactly what the characters are experiencing and cueing the audience into subtext. It's so well done, I really am loving this series.
If you want to read these from the beginning:
Episode 1
Next Episode:
Episode 10
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cambot77 · 11 days
Note
When you mentioned Becky doesn’t know how to budget, I came up with this short caption.
Anya: So, how’s living like a “commoner”?
Becky: Oh, it’s been great actually. I’m shopping for my own food and getting stuff that I like and good for me. Don’t know why you make things so hard?
Cashier: That will be 200.
Becky: Okay, just put it on the blackbell account and bag it up please.
Cashier:…I have no idea what you’re taking about.
Becky: I-Oh! I forgot, you see my dad is making me live like a working class person as a punishment and usually when I buy something I told them to put it on the blackbell account. But I forgot about that.
cashier: That’s great, you still own 200 for all the food.
Becky: I don’t have that much money, can I pay the what I have and pay the rest when I’m done with my punishment?
Cashier: *Baffled* I’m sorry but we don’t give stuff away.
Becky: So what can I do to pay this bill?!
*Later* Anya:…That uniform matches your…socks.
Becky, in a cashier uniform: I feel remorse for you Anya.
Aaah, Anon! This is great! So sorry for the late response - I've been thinking about this for a long time, though.
----
Becky shut the locker door with a snap and took a moment to rest her head against the cold metal. The employee breakroom was deserted at this time of night as most of the other closers were either finishing their final tasks or had already gone home for the night, but Becky being new (and therefore slow at her job) still had to mop the aisles of the store and put the go-backs on the shelves. She had slipped into the breakroom to take a breather, and the pounding at her temples echoed the pounding of her feet where they pressed against the still-stiff pleather of her new work shoes.
To say the day had been hellish was an understatement. She had thought that this last day of her first week would be a bit easier than previous days, but she had been wrong. The milestone meant nothing, because even though seven days had passed, Becky was still struggling to master even the most basic tasks of this, her first job, ever. Which she shouldn't even need to have in the first place! How was she to know that Daddy had been serious about his threats to cut off her access to the Blackbell money if she moved in with Bill while they were still in college? It was ridiculous to still think like that these days, but he had actually meant it! She had been shocked when she had tried to make purchases at her usual stores and been denied, and a quick trip to the bank had just confirmed that Mr. Blackbell was playing hardball with his rebellious daughter. Well, two could play at that game. Becky had always prided herself on her resolve, and if her father thought he could bring her to heel and give up her independence and love using money, of all things, then he was sorely mistaken.
That still left the matter of how to afford things. Bill had his own savings but Becky had never saved because she had never needed to. That had been a very frank conversation between them, but Becky had been confident that she would be able to contribute. Getting a job had never been a goal of hers, but after all, people went to work and made money every day. How hard could it possibly be?
Apparently, very, if her aching back and oncoming headache were any indication, and that didn't even begin to touch on the positively awful way some of the customers had talked to her that day. Who knew people could be so terrible over trivial things? Was it her fault they had run out of sale items, or that all the cashiers had decided to go on break at once? No, and yet she had borne the brunt of their anger just because she had been close by at the time! She wasn't even a manager! It just wasn't fair!
But she'd persevere, because the alternative was just too awful to think about.
Her father would pry her housekey with Bill out of her cold, dead hands.
Filled with fresh resolve, Becky stood up straight again and slapped her cheeks to get some life back into her. Just half an hour to go, and then she could go home to the apartment she and Bill now lived in. It was modest (to her eyes, it was still larger than most family dwellings in the city) but nicely furnished, and Bill would be home, waiting for her, to kiss her and tell her she had done well that day and make everything worthwhile again.
She smiled to herself. Yes, it was all worthwhile just for that. For him. Because she knew that he would work jobs like this - or even worse ones - if it meant they could be together. How could she do any less in return?
"Becky!" someone called before they opened the breakroom door, and she looked up just as Dwayne, the manager on duty, came in.
"There you are," he said, and rifled through a stack of envelopes in his hands. "Thought you'd left already."
Becky shook her head. "I still have to do the mopping. What are those?" She gestured to the envelopes in his hand. Dwayne looked at her curiously.
"Our pay packets? Today is pay day, you know."
"Oh!" Becky exclaimed in surprise and delight. "We get paid in envelopes!"
"Uh... yeah." Dwayne handed over the envelope with a raised eyebrow. She had put a different last name on her hiring paperwork, so her lack of general commoner knowledge sometimes caused her co-workers to look at her strangely because they did not know one of the richest heiresses in Berlint was stacking cans amongst them. She knew they thought her an escapee from a boarding school or some such thing, but in that moment, she did not care. Becky ripped into the envelope eagerly. Finally, all of her hard work was paying off!
Then, her face fell.
"This... this is it?"
Dwayne was already going back out the door. "If you have an issue, call corporate payroll. And don't forget to leave out the wet floor signs when you mop this time."
Becky slumped against the lockers, not in defeat, but in something very much like it. How could a week of work only earn the sum in the envelope? She did the mental math, but each time, the numbers didn't lie.
She had spent more than this on a single meal in the past, and now looking back, she cursed herself for her wastefulness. Money wasn't just numbers in a bank account or an intangible, invisible thing to her anymore; it was hours of work, discomfort, and real, hard proof of her efforts. It meant food in the cupboard, lights in the apartment, heat, hot water, all of it. It wasn't a certainty anymore but it was still a necessity, and as she stood there and counted her pay one more time, she realized something equally important.
This was the moment her father had been counting on to break her. He had probably hoped that when she tallied up her pay and expenses and saw the imbalance, she would be swamped with hopelessness and come crawling back. Becky Blackbell, after all, was used to nothing but the finest, and there was simply no way that her meagre paycheck could sustain even a fraction of that lifestyle no matter how much Bill could supplement it with his own money.
And there was a moment (brief yet fierce) where her soul did quail, and a small voice whispered that a simple phone call would make it all go away. She could be back home in her huge, luxurious bed before midnight, snuggled up and safe with all the Blackbell fortune like an invisible wall behind her...
But she would be alone in that bed, and no fortune, however large, could replace the strength and security of Bill's arms.
Becky swallowed down the fear and uncertainty and firmed her resolve once more. She would just have to work harder, or even get a second job, whatever it took to make it work. She was sure that plenty of people had survived on less than this, and besides, once she was graduated and had her degree, why, she could earn even more! There was nothing saying she had to work at grocery stores for the rest of her life! And Bill's career in the Army was also pretty much guaranteed, so really, there was no reason to buckle now! They were just getting started!
And they would stay together. That was what really mattered to her.
Of course, they would have to tighten their purse strings a bit... maybe she could forego her morning coffee to save some money...
She mopped the store as quickly as she could, plans and budgets spinning in her mind while she worked, and by the time she stepped outside she was full of her usual cheerfulness again.
That cheerfulness only doubled - no, quadrupled - when she saw who was waiting for her.
"Darling!" she cried out happily as she took a running leap into Bill's arms. He caught her easily and she reveled in how tightly and happily he held her. How could she have thought, for even a moment, that she could survive without him?
"Hi, sweetheart," he smiled as he held her with her feet dangling off the ground. "How was work?"
"Horrible," she said with a smile, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Have you come to take me home?"
"Of course, you know I don't like you wandering around by yourself at night." He looked stern and protective and Becky felt her heart melt just a little.
"You're so sweet," she sighed. She squirmed to be put down. "Let's go home."
Bill did not let her go, though. "Actually..."
"What is it?"
"Well... your dad called."
Becky stiffened. "Oh?" The last time she and her father had spoken had been the day of their blow out fight, and she didn't like to remember it if she could help it.
Bill's expression gave nothing away. "Yeah. He wanted to talk to me, actually."
Now Becky was really alarmed. She knew her father had nothing against Bill in particular, had even been happy when the two of them had started dating, but still. He had also been adamant that only a wedding ring would allow Becky to live with a man, and as she and Bill were still only "engaged to be engaged," she didn't think her father had called to chat with Bill about the weather.
A horrible idea came to her.
"How much did he offer you?" she snarled. Bill looked taken aback behind his glasses.
"What?"
"To give me up. How much? One million dalc? Two million?"
"Becky, that's--"
"Don't tell me he offered less?" Now she was really outraged. "Oooh! Put me down! I'm going to march straight to his office and tell him just where he can put his bribe money!"
She fought her way back down to the pavement and Bill lowered her, but he kept his hands around her arms to keep her from storming off.
"Listen!" he insisted over her ranting, and she huffed into silence. "He didn't offer me anything."
"So he threatened you instead?!" If Becky had had fangs, they would have been out. How dare her father even think--
"No," Bill said pointedly. "He called because he wanted to talk about you and me -- not like that! Listen, sweetheart! -- he wanted to make sure my intentions are pure and honorable, basically. And he wanted to know how you're doing. He's really worried about you, Becky. When I told him you were working overtime at a grocery store, I think he just about fainted."
"Well, he probably thought I'd come home by now," she allowed as she crossed her arms. "But the only home I want is with you, so the sooner he realizes that, the better."
"I think... I think he realizes that now," Bill replied hesitantly. "I told him the truth: we are definitely getting married and I'm absolutely serious about our future together no matter what. And he knows you're serious, now, too. So, he wants to come over tomorrow to talk it over with us, and maybe he'll give us living together his blessing after all."
"I don't need his blessing," Becky retorted, then softened. "But it would be nice to have."
Bill gathered her close again. "I know how much it means to you to be on good terms with your father, sweetheart. And who knows? Maybe if he gives us his blessing he'll give you access to the family bank account again."
Becky pulled back to insist once again that she didn't care about the money, but she saw the twinkle in Bill's eyes and knew he was joking. She batted at his chest ineffectually.
"Even if he did I certainly wouldn't spend like I used to! Did you know, things cost actual money? Like real, tangible sums?" She looked up at Bill and saw him stifling back laughter. She pouted.
"I mean it! I worked my butt off all week, and the paycheck barely covers our food bill! I tell you, when we get home we are going to have to make some changes."
"Who are you, and what have you done with Becky Blackbell?" Bill laughed tenderly, and then tugged her close as they turned and walked towards home.
--------
Well, this certainly spiraled out of control! I do like the idea of Becky working some crappy job and realizing, oh my gosh, this is how normal people have to live every day. How does anyone do it???
Of course, Bill's money is probably more than enough for them to get by, but it would still be finite and so horrible customer service job for Becky AU is born!
Lol, thanks for the idea, Anon! :D
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space-blue · 2 months
Text
BG3 Fic Feb Comic Edition, Day 20 :
Tav gets a proposal from their partner. In which Gale offers to pay the bill on a fancy new outfit to wear around camp, so long as Tav lets him pick the cut. He's fallen for his love's chubby body and thinks he deserves better than the rags they made it to Baldur's Gate with.
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With a small rambling H/C below the cut on Gale's relationship with fat, and a chubby/fat LI.
In which I posit that Gale's abs are fake, and a relationship with a fat or chubby Tav can change his view on his own body.
I saw the debate going around early on, and it has stuck with me. Are Gale's abs real? Do they make sense on a man who has been on a self-imposed year of isolation in his tower? A gourmand who loves to cook?
I've seen art that shows him working out, and I've seen lots of art in which the abs are replaced with chubbiness he's either fine with or self conscious about. But see, I'd like to think that Gale, the good dancer of Blackstaff academy, Chosen of Mystra, prodigy fretted over since boyhood, would have a particular relationship with "appearances".
Let's imagine that his looks are exactly as they are at the start of the story. He has a six pack, depression, and a magical black hole stuffed in his chest that pushes a strange hunger on him. He eats magical artefacts to upkeep it, and delicious dishes to soothe the sadness and anxiety.
Except now he's on the road, making do as best he can, prepping meals out of what we can scrounge. So for a while the intense physical effort of the adventure, paired with bare bones meals, would maintain his physic. But eventually, nature would take its course, and arriving in the environs of Baldur's Gate, sweets are available again, as well as real, restaurant grade food. His waist thickens, his cheeks fill out, he's less gaunt. He's got the glow of a man in love, too.
But even deeply in love, Gale struggles to fathom that Tav could love him as he is. Well, no, of course Tav loves him, but Gale is only offering so much, and isn't that bad? Tav, who he now loves more than his own Goddess... Tav deserves more. Deserves better than puny, human Gale. I think God Gale would come with chiseled silver abs because it's the vision he has of perfection. An ambitious body should be flawless, right? And Mystra, his Goddess, is a skinny depiction of "perfection" herself, isn't she?
So in his mind, fat is still a flaw. Assuming we manage to show him the light and guide him away from godhood, that he is truly who we love, as we love him, I think that Gale, master of illusion, would still want to present the best way possible for Tav. Having regained his old abilities, he'd be tempted to trim himself again.
I think his abs, in that context, are a lazy wizard's artifice. Anyone at Blackstaff can do it, and does. Being chubby, to them, is an aesthetic choice. And if it's not in fashion, then why indulge it? But also why work out, when time can be best spent hunting and reading books, writing essays, and sourcing collections of rare artefacts? Or eating 5 stars meals at the best restaurants in Waterdeep? There's only so many hours in the day, and so much to do. Plus, we've seen his home, and he pointed out the magical piano that plays itself (wink wink), not the dumbbells and workout bench.
No, Gale would be tempted to go back to his easy snatched waist, and probably would if his LI was slim. He's got a tendency for self-consciousness. I like to imagine that he kept the six pack through his great depression era because he just couldn't stand the idea of slipping in appearance this much, and having to get a new wardrobe. We already know the beard is unusual, and that he keeps it because he likes it, to Tara's dismay.
I think a fat or chubby Tav would help Gale relax. He falls for this person, and they so happen to be fat. All right, so what? He leans more towards intercourse in the Weave anyway, so bodies aren't so high a concern. But after Gale declares his feelings (which are returned) and the intimacy with Tav becomes more physical (small caresses, sleeping and cuddling together, hugging...) I think he'd start seeing the light.
He'd press himself into Tav and be completely overcome with the pleasure of having all this softness be for him. That Tav being chubby means more of Tav to have.
Slowly realising that Tav's fat isn't making them any less gracious or fetching in their clothes, and that a lot of the things Gale was worried about in himself were image concerns brought by the gazes of others. Expectations put on him. What a wizard of his standing should look like, that being a gourmand should not get in the way of being Mystra's arm-candy Chosen.
If Tav's chubby belly is such a delight however, then why should his be an issue? I think Gale would remain nervous and try to open the conversation, rather than not mention it or deciding to make the change on his own. Because ultimately, even being more relaxed around the idea that he's gaining weight again, he'd be nervous that this might not suit Tav's tastes.
That's the problem with being a wizard this powerful. You can influence your self and your image so much. Heck, there are spells that can resculpt your very face, so why would someone like Gale, who has carte blanche on himself, dare disappoint his love?
Tav would have to work to reassure him, but imo would have less struggle is they are a man, or masc, because Gale couldn't use the "beauty standards for thee" logic loop. A handsome man who makes tight shirts look inviting? Fat softened pecs becoming the greatest pillow he's ever rested his chest on? Seeing a form of desirable beauty in his lover that he's slowly growing to mirror? He'd wax poetic about it, get in his feels.
Tav could whisper a soft, 'Please, be yourself.' and Gale would never concern himself with six packs again, nor be afraid to develop his well-settled-professor's body.
Gale's taste remains a tad refined, and I think his concern with appearances would not go away completely. It's just that, settled in Waterdeep, he'd drag Tav to his favourite tailor, and commissions well fited clothes for him. I can see Gale being quite on top of fashion, and anxious for everyone to see Tav under his best light, especially early on as they meet the family, his circle of friends, the faculty... Stressful days, during which being able to sink into Tav's soft embrace would be the best of cures.
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apex-academy · 2 months
Text
Chapter 6: The Decay of Our Lives (#18)
Lunch is my first remotely decent excuse to leave Mahavir’s side. As much as I’d like to support my friend, watching him stew in his guilt sure isn’t helping me. Which means I’m not helping him much, either.
I confirm he’s staying in the Nurse’s Office, then trek back to the cafeteria. No Tsunyasha, at least.
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“Oh, GREAT! JUST when I thought I might get some PEACE AND QUIET!”
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“Right, I’m the threat to that here.”
I flee to the kitchen before he can manage a coherent response. No idea what I want to eat, though, and Mahavir certainly didn’t have suggestions. Time to stand blankly in front of an open refrigerator and hope it hikes up the young master’s electric bills.
Unfortunately, it’s also cold, so I grab some cheese and deli meat and shut the door before too long. After a few moments’ contemplation, I decide I’m not in the mood for any more meal-making decisions, so I’ll just make rollups of these. Bread’s overrated, anyway.
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“...And so are condiments, I guess.”
Whatever. I’m sticking with it.
...And standing in the kitchen to eat so I don’t have to hear whatever Ichiriki’s raving about now. Is he just bored? Does he need some new colors of chalk for a little enrichment?
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Well. I make fun of him, but I sure wouldn’t mind access to the art room again. No chance of that unless someone else uses it for a murder, though.
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“...”
I finish my food and make Mahavir a plate. Can’t imagine him having any remnant of an appetite right now, but might as well try.
Unfortunately, the cafeteria’s still the only exit from here. 
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Maybe I should run.
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Or actually check on Ichiriki, I guess. Gotta admit, “Is Ichiriki doing okay” is not a thought that’s crossed my mind much. He’s just... He just is. I don’t know. He’s free to leave with the rest of us if he is one of us, but until then... Not my problem. Got enough of those already.
So, a fine brisk pace it is.
But when I step out, Ichiriki is no longer alone.
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“...sure you wouldn’t be interested?”
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“Of COURSE NOT! The FIRST one was bad ENOUGH!”
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“But you’re curious, aren’t you?”
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“No!”
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“Just a little bit?”
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“MAYBE!”
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“........”
Think I’m good to just. Slink on out of here unnoticed.
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“Ah, Miss Kogamino!”
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Assuming Aidan wouldn’t notice something was a bad call on my part. “Do I want to know what I’m missing over here?”
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“You ABSOLUTELY don’t!”
Not sure why I asked. Really striking out on logical behavior today.
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“Not another weird dream, I hope?”
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“No...”
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“...Or at least not one of my own! There’s no telling where the writers got their inspiration, of course.”
Ichiriki mentioned “the first one”...
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“Ah. The movie sequel.”
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“.............”
More words are said, but I’m so distracted I can’t even tell who spoke. With current company, that’s really saying something.
Another dream... What was it that I...
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“Hang on.”
I turn around to retrieve my little “young master deductions”—like you could really call them that—notebook and flip to the last filled pages, the letters askew and distorted from drowsiness and poor lighting.
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Flashback dreams... Yeah, I sure do have those sometimes.
But not just me.
I wheel on Aidan and slap my hands on the table to catch myself, interrupting whatever I end up interrupting.
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“Aidan! Your dream!”
The boys break off their conversation with widely varying levels of offended sputtering. Aidan adjusts his glasses.
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“Er. The ‘professional air traffic controller’ one, or something else?”
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“The one you told me about the other day.” Yesterday? I don’t even know anymore. 
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“You woke up in a mirror of Lab Room A, right?”
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“Within the dream? Yes, that sounds accurate.”
The table’s edge digs into my palms.
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“What if that was real?”
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He hums.
“I suppose it’s entirely possible. There must be a Lab Room B, after all, even if we’ve yet to be allowed inside.” 
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“And I’m sure I would have been kept somewhere on-campus to minimize risk of discovery by unrelated parties.”
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“Which is probably why we haven’t been let inside, right? If the young master’s cutting-edge revival technology, or whatever, was in there...”
I lean in further, much to Ichiriki’s offense. Don’t care.
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“Were any of the other students there in the dream? Can you remember?”
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“I hate to report that dreams are partially immune from my perfect memory skills here, but... Let’s see.”
Ichiriki grumbles to himself, but at least he’s not yelling over us. Probably doesn’t know what to say. I’ll take it.
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“I can’t guarantee that the other fallen students were present.” 
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“But I am certain that the life support systems and such did not take up the entirety of the room. There was space for other beds, or whatever you'd call the thing I was lying on.”
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“So, if all of you were hooked up before that motive vote, and only before it, and if you’re the only one who was—then—!”
I think he responds, but I’m busy swinging my head around to check every corner of the room. Not here. Wasn’t in the kitchen. But if I’m right...
Dizzy, I try to remember to breathe as I charge into the hallway.
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“MONOCHAP! I need to talk to you, now!”
[BACK] [NEXT]
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inkedobsidian · 2 years
Text
~ Jealousy - B.B ~
prompt: 11 "Good thing I didn't ask your opinion."
summary: Y/N tells Bucky about her hooking up with another SHIELD agent and he jets jealous and storms off leaving Y/N confused
pairing: Bucky Barnes x Y/N
warnings: jealousy, sex mentioned
word count: 1,409
a/n: Requests are open! Prompt list is there if you guys want extra ideas!
Master-List - Prompts
It had only taken Bucky a few days to notice the pattern Y/N had started on an evening. She'd go to bed at about 9 pm but then her phone would ring again at 2 am. She'd quietly leave her room at 2:30 then sneak back in at 4 am. Bucky hadn't intended to pay this close attention to her pattern but he's so used to noticing routines that it came naturally to him. Plus he always wanted to make sure Y/N was safe, which made it lucky that their room was right across each other in the compound. Sam had told Bucky to just leave it because Y/N could take care of herself but he was still worried. He found his chance to ask her alone when he walked into the kitchen after a workout to see her stood there still in her workout gear making a coffee.
"Hey, Buck! Good workout?" Y/N said smiling. She always managed to smile when Bucky was around no matter what was happening. It made him feel good too knowing that when he was around she smiled.
"It was alright, I'm afraid SHIELD might start billing me if I break another punching bag though." He said returning her smile as she handed him a cup of coffee across the kitchen island.
"You'll be fine aren't those things filled with sand you can just pick them up a new one at the beach," Y/N said laughing. She had the dumbest of humor but it also made Bucky smile because of how sweet it was. Bucky couldn't reply, mainly because he didn't know how to. It felt weird to just jump into the questions but he also wanted to know. The more he thought about it the more his face must have shown his struggle because Y/N just kept his eye line and cocked her head to the side. Bucky just smiled hoping he hadn't made it awkward but then he realized he had when Y/N came around to sit next to him. She put a hand on his right arm and just smiled.
"Penny for your thoughts, buck?" He knew she wouldn't be mad at him, or he hoped she'd see he was just trying to protect her.
"I was just wondering where you go, like on a night. Not in a creepy way! Just like I wanna know your safe and stuff." Bucky let his voice fade at the end, somehow he feels guilty for just wanting to know that she's safe. Y/N pulls back slightly, that wasn't what she thought it was going to be at all.
"Oh! Well, I've been seeing, or more just sleeping with, someone. It's cute you being worried though! I'm safe don't worry, I'm a certified Avenger I can handle myself." Y/N says smirking towards the end of her sentence. There was something about that sentence that struck a chord in Bucky. She was seeing someone? And she didn't mention it to anyone? Bucky knew why he had a negative reaction to that but he wasn't going to tell her that.
"Oh… who?" Bucky said trying to keep a calm manner and not give away his reaction.
"You don't know, his name's Rapp he works in the armory downstairs," Y/N said nonchalantly getting up and walking back to get more coffee.
"Wait, you're sleeping with another SHIELD agent. Do you not see how stupid of an idea that is?" Bucky had a sudden rise in anger, the thought of her with someone else. Y/N didn't know why Bucky had such a change in attitude towards her, she was the only person he never snapped at so now he had she was taken aback. Y/N physically stepped away from the counter and just looked at Bucky with a look that could kill, she would know. Her hands flattened her shirt and just from the look, Bucky knew he'd hurt her feelings.
"Well Bucky, it's a good thing I didn't ask your opinion." Y/N turned on her heels and stormed out and Bucky just sat there looking at the door she left from knowing he'd screwed up, and once again he had no idea how to fix it.
Y/N took the elevator down from the kitchen straight to the armory avoiding everyone who tried to ask her a question, once she found the shooting range she just shut the door and immediately grabbed some standard government-issued pistols and began firing. Y/N knew she had actual powers she could be playing with but is fire really the best thing to be playing with when you're already angry. Y/N hit every target perfectly and she even shot it in the groin area once for good luck. She was so blinded by her rage that she didn't even notice Sam walk in and stand beside her.
"You okay firecracker?" Sam said smiling and leaning against one of the shelves. That god damn nickname, every time.
"I'll be okay, just working off some stuff, birdman," Y/N said smiling pushing Sam's shoulder as she replies with his nickname. Sam returned her smile thankful he could make her smile when she seemed so angry.
"So, you gonna tell me what's up?" Sam asked. Y/N knew she could trust Sam, he always made her feel safe.
"It's Buck. He asked me what I was doing recently going out late and I thought I could be honest. So I told him I was sleeping with another SHIELD agent but the minute I said it he just had this look on his face like I'd pulled his arm off. Then he said it was a stupid idea and I should know that. Am I not an adult? Can I not do what I want? Do I need protecting or something?" Y/N continued with this rant as Sam just slowly realized why Bucky had reacted that way and he was surprised that Y/N didn't know why, he thought it was obvious. Maybe both of them were just oblivious to the situation in front of them. Sam was nodding along to Y/N speaking to show he was agreeing. He didn't even realize that Y/N had stopped talking and he was nodding to silence.
"Do you know something I don't Sam?" Y/N said raising an eyebrow and leaning back to create some space so she can gauge his reaction.
"Okay, I'm going to try and say this in a way where I'm saying it but I'm not. You following?" Sam paused and looked at Y/N to make sure she was following along. "Now think, why would Bucky start to get mad at the idea of you with another man? Really think about the most obvious answer and stick with that." Sam nodded at Y/N as her eyes started to widen at the thought that Sam was trying to get across. Without another word, Y/N walked straight out of the room and into the elevator almost exploding with how slow it felt.
The minute it dinged on the floor that contained everyone's rooms Y/N almost ran from the elevator to Bucky's room which ironically was across the hallway from Y/N's. Y/N didn't even knock she just swung open the door walked straight into the middle of Bucky's room and slammed the door behind her. Bucky spun around like a deer in headlights slightly worried that Y/N was just about to start yelling at him and potentially throwing fire at him. That was until he saw a smirk appear on Y/N's face as she stood with her arms crossed.
"James. Buchanan. Barnes. You are jealous." Y/N knew that saying his full name would freak him out a little bit. Bucky was just more freaked out with the fact that she knew he was jealous of what she told him. What was he supposed to say? Was he supposed to admit to the fact he was jealous and admit that he'd been in love with her fr years?
"And what if I am?" Bucky says trying to match her energy, hoping if he fakes confidence then it'll happen naturally, he was very wrong. Y/N took an extra step towards him so the gap was basically none existent. Bucky could feel his heart rate rising, and he could feel the literal heat radiating from Y/N.
"Do something about it," Y/N whispered knowing she didn't have to speak loud for him to hear her. The minute Y/N stopped speaking Bucky closed the gap between them.
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darhknight · 4 days
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X-Men 97 Reaction
Reacting to Episode 7. Bright Eyes
• WARNING •
Spoliers under the cut. Do not read unless you seen the episode or don't care about spoilers. I warned you.
The gravestone and speech from Nightcrawler broke my heart
"He say it was just in the cards" my heartstrings
Every gambler has a tell. Modesty was Gambit's.
Not Jubliee crying. Someone give her a hug
Dad Wolverine to the rescue
Jubliee is right tho. Where the crap is Rogue?
Found her
Love how Nightcrawler knew Rogue was f*cking stuff up. Like that's a good brother.
HULK NAME DROP
General Ross? Sir she might kill you be nice
CAP'S SHIELD. CAP'S SHIELD
STEVEN ROGERS BOIIIIIIIS
Love how Rogue was like five seconds from fighting Steve and Steve was like 'nah let me just show you what I found and maybe we can work together once I get the ok.'
she said no
then she proceeded to throw his shield into the mountains somewhere
Big Boss Energy
A resort ... mmm Kay. Who's paying his bill guys?
Kick his butt. Kick his butt. Kick his butt
Annnnnd we are back to the other X-men
Is that BEAST'S GIRLFRIEND THE LOVELY CARLY OR CARY I CANT SPELL HER NAME THE REPORTER LADY
Love how the same mutants show up everytime in the background
Not the statue heads of Magneto and Charles 😢
Jubliee convincing Reberto to tell his parents. I'm so proud of him. 👏
BEAST IS ANGRY 😡
A little Jean and Scott moment. Good for them they need it.
Why am I not surprised EMMA FROST is the first survivor they find
Also sorry Scott. We know you love Jean and Madelyn. (That's not how her names spelt my bad)
Back to Rogue
Nightcrawler being a good brother
Him KNOWING ABOUT HER AND MAGNETO
No she's crying.
Their all there for her. I'm so happy
IS THAT BASTION?!
EVIL NASTY MAN. EVIL NASTY MAN
HE Killed Him. He killed Gyrich.
I skipped over Jubliee and Roberto. My bad.
Love how his mom knew
Shes like honey if your weren't a mutant I be concerned
'It was your secret to tell.'
'Spriters anyone?' Like ma'am. You just made a reference to him maybe not seeing Jubliee anymore and your offering drinks?
Back to the other X-men
Forgot to mention how much I enjoyed watching Trask tell them the truth
Also Morph being like 'He created the master mold let's like not trust him.' Aka he's evillll. 😈
Sleeping GAS
(Notice as I was typing this that I have the scenes backwards. Whoops)
Is it me or do those robots kinda look like ultron?
Trask really be losing his mind right now. I actually feel bad for him.
Love how Trask is ratting out Sinister tho
Like he took one look at what Sinsiter did and went NOPE. Gonna go rat him out to the group of mutants I have been trying to kill since season one of the original show.
ROGUE DROPPING HIM
GIRRRRRRRL
SHE DEADLY
'Is this what we are now?' A great question Morph. The answer is ... complicated.
HUMAN SENTINEL!!
Dude he knocked Rogue OUT
Love the little Nightcrawler saving Rogue moment. Thank you creators for my fill of sweet siblings.
Morph getting hurt and Wolverine yelling his name
I ship it
You GET YOUR HAND OFF SCOTT
Never in my life have I liked Cyclops but this show has changed me
SO GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON
CABLE. CABLE. CABLE.
Jean reading his mind to figure it out
'Let's skip the reunion dad.' I'm dying
My son is meeting his son guys. Their meeting!
BASTION IS BACK
EVIL HUMAN SENTINEL CYBORG.
NASTY MAN
Oh Sinister is here too I guess.
rip the human race. Bastion gonna turn them all into sentinels. bet.
THEY KNOW ABOUT XAVIER
OH NO
XAVIER YOU DONE MESSED UP
That Song. I don't know if I hate it or love it.
MAGNETO!
ERIK MAGNUS LESNHARR
MY HUSBAND?!
BASTION YOU GET YOUR NASTY HANDS OFF MY MAGNETIC HUSBAND
I don't care if he has facial hair you don't touch him
Also love how Magneto has the mutant collar AND tape over his mouth
Plus cuffs around his hands sticking him to the chair
Like I understand the collar and the chair but like the tape?
This man is the master of magnetism not screaming really loud
Also you be in the middle of nowhere
Who's gonna hear him?
But once again
GET YOUR HANDS AND THAT BLADE AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND YOU D*CK
'Just obey. Just listen. You were made for this.'
Leave Erik alone.
• Maybe a few unfavorable opinions •
Erik is a holocaust victim. And jewish/german. Was treated like crap and Bastion is out here telling him that he was made to obey to be Bastion's plaything?
That he was made to be a Slave
cause I don't know if you all got that vibe from that scene but I definitely did
Especially if you know ANYTHING about Bastion
The guy makes Red Skull look sane
Bro I hope Rogue finds you and tears you a new one
Or Charles.
Or any of the X-men for that matter
Actually in my honest opinion it probably be Wolverine. Like I'm gonna call it right now. If Charles doesn't find Magento telepathically. Five bucks says somehow Wolverine does.
Or Bastion turns Magento into a sentinel
Actually don't do that
Please
Leave my somewhat questionable but trying his best to play nice with humans master of magnetism husband alone.
He deserves better
They all do
Expect Sinister.
He can die in a ditch for all I care
And Bastion ... sadly
For plot reasons we gotta sacrifice Bastion
Sorry bud
Gonna say also that Cable might have to go back in time cause I don't feel like they are going to keep Gambit dead.
But that's just me.
Thanks for reading my ranting
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bumblepony · 9 months
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Master List Of My TLOU Fics On AO3 & Artwork Made For My Fics
Color Coding: Green: Finished Red: On Going
Classification Coding: CU: Canon Universe AU: Alternate Universe
My Series
The Life of Bill and Frank - CU - Bill & Frank stories that fill in the gaps.
Growing Up With My Two Dads - AU - Bill & Frank become Ellie's dad's after they help Anna give birth.
Tess and Joel Another Time - AU - Tess & Joel meet and the apocalypse doesn't happen.
Life's Little Surprises - AU - After Silver Lake and David, Ellie has some unexpected consequences. The Miller family comes together to help.
Baby Boy Miller - AU - No apocalypse happens, and Joel has two kids with his ex-wife, Sarah, and a son called Junior.
My Non-Series Fics
The Love We Weave - CU - Joel teaches Tommy how to braid SJ's hair, and Joel opens up to Ellie about what braiding Sarah's hair meant to him.
Glitch in the Code or Playing Video Games with My Uncle and Dad - AU - The Miller's find copies of The Last Of Us Part I & II in Jackson and play the games together.
Papa Is A Rolling Stone - CU (kinda, they make the cure) - Uncle Tommy watching his brother become a father again.
Grilled Cheese and Late Nights - CU - Joel makes Ellie grilled cheese on a hard night.
It's Not A Straight Line - CU - Joel is there for Ellie in all the moments not just the big ones.
See You When I See You - AU - Maria is the waitress that Tommy saved at the bar on outbreak night, and they meet up again in Jackson many years later.
Measure Twice, Cut Once - CU - Ellie decides to dress up like Joel for Halloween, and Joel has memories of another little girl who had the same idea.
I Saw The Sign And It Opened Up My Eyes, I Saw The Sign - CU - Joel's having more issues with his hearing, and the Miller clan steps in to help.
It Keeps Going Round and Round - CU - Joel, Tommy, and the rest of the Miller gang are in for some hurt/comfort. - This is a collaborative work with @tlouobsessed
A Soul For Sale Or Rent - AU - No apocalypse happens. Ellie is a Ghost, and Joel is the only one who can see her. She needs his help to figure out what happened to her before it's too late.
Back In The Swing Of Things - CU (But Joel's is Bi) - Joel and Ellie are finally settled into Jackson, and Joel is ready to get back into the dating game.
Boy I Was Back Then - AU - Tommy and Maria meet for the first time in 1995 when Tommy works as a Ranch Hand on Maria's family ranch for the summer. They met again 11 years later in 2006, Will their love be strong enough to bring them back together?
Bad Things Happen Bingo
If Only We Were Pirates - Ransom Note - Tess gets kidnapped, and Joel and Fam go and rescue her.
Dancing On Glass - Angry Mob - After getting separated from Tess, Tommy, and Riley during an easy job because of an Angry Mob, Ellie gets bit, and Joel has to deal with failing again.
Forever Hold Your Peace - Mouth Stitched Shut - Joel dreams of Tess at different points of her life, both real and imagined. The taste is intoxicating.
We're Only Going So Far - Trying to Wake Them Up - Dying in your sleep isn't how anyone expects to go, not in this world, least of all Joel… and yet.
Muscle Memory - Sore Throat - Ellie gets sick a week out from Kansas City, and Joel has to take care of her.
Smut
Save A Horse, Ride a Cowboy (Cause The Girls, They Are So Pretty) - CU - Tommy and Maria go line dancing at the Tipsy Bison, and things get heated when they get home.
With My Head Up In Outer Space - AU - Maria has a bad day at work and just wants to get out of her head a little bit, Tommy is happy to help.
The Night I'm Here With You - CU (But Joel's is Bi) - The NSFW section of Joel and Issac's first date from my Back In The Swing Of Things story.
Artwork
You can find artwork for my fics under the link.
PFP Ponies
All of my PFP ponies!
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dark-frosted-heart · 9 months
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3rd Anniversary Event - A Beast’s Dream Fulfilled by Beauty - Sariel
Main route
With how busy Sariel is as chief bureaucrat, it's hard to get some alone time with him even on his day off, but Emma has a plan. Emma invites Sariel to her house, the perfect place to hide him. Sariel comments on the stuff in her room and when Emma sees him looking at something on her desk, she breaks out in cold sweat. It's something she forgot to hide. She runs over and hides it from Sariel's view. Well now he wants to see it even more [me: deja vu]. Emma tries to change the subject but Sariel stops her from talking. He tells her that he wants to know every little thing about her because he loves her so much and offers to exchange a secret of his own. Unfortunately for her, Sariel's a meanie so he reveals his secret before waiting for her response. He admits to watching her adorable sleeping face for a while before going to sleep himself. Now it's Emma's turn to reveal her secret.
She holds out an used sketchbook filled with drawings and writing from her childhood. Sariel takes the book and flips through the pages. He can't help but smile at the drawings and can tell that even as a child, she was very kind-hearted. The amount of people drawn shows how loved she is. Sariel then stops on one particular page. It's a drawing of Akatsuki holding a book, along with the words "I want to be a bookstore owner" clumsily written on the page. Back when Emma was little, Akatsuki didn't have a shop then and would sell his books at a stall in the market.
Emma too wanted to sell books, but now she's happy being Sariel's apprentice. She then casually asks Sariel what his childhood dream was, but he looks down with a pained smile. He didn't have one. He was too busy trying to survive each day to think about a possible future. But to be able to have one sounds nice.
Emma asks if he has any dreams now. He does. Hugging her around the waist and resting his forehead against hers, Sariel tells Emma that he wishes they could just be like this, touch her like this, every day. Emma says that it's not a dream if it's already come true. Perhaps Sariel answered this way to ease the tension, but it's not something Emma can let go. She wants to go find his dream together. Sariel agrees to the idea; Emma will be his instructor for the day.
The two head into town and Emma takes a moment to think.
Sariel: What should we do first, instructor? Emma: Please don't call me that! Sariel: Then how about master? Emma: You're enjoying this, aren't you Sariel... Sariel: Of course. It's a day off so it'd be regrettable not to enjoy it.
Emma takes note on how he's always in a good mood when spending his day off with her. Back to the matter at hand, Emma informs him of how dreams come to be. Usually from interests, but she hasn't seen him be interested in anything other than work. Sariel asks if he's not been clear with his interest toward her. No, he has. Very much so. Moving on...They're going to find other interests for him besides work and her. Emma looks at a flyer on a bulletin board advertising a play. It's titled "Love-Hate Comedy ~ A Single Rose's Magnificent Counterattack Against the Devil ~". Sounds like...adult content...
~~~
Emma's speechless. It truly was an adult performance that left her red. Sariel teases her about her reaction a bit but then says that they're going to need to draft an amendment to the art regulation bill relating to content warnings and age restrictions. Whoops, they ended up circling back to work. Emma's embarrassment is stirring something in him though. Sariel did enjoy the play, but he doesn't think a dream will be formed related to it. On to the next thing.
The couple go to see a fortune teller who's getting some bad vibes from them. Sariel notes that her crystal has a Pegasus engraved on it, the crest of the Tanzanite's living god. Tanzanite fortune tellers perform divination under the divine protection of the living god.
The fortune teller tells the two that they will be facing some trials because of their love for each other. Sariel thanks her for the warning, not believing her at all, and tosses a coin to her. He then leads Emma out of the alley. Sariel mentions that he can do fortune telling too since he's the devil. Taking a look at her palm, he tells her that good fortune will come to her unexpectedly. And then kisses her hand.
Soon the sun starts to set, yet they haven't found something for Sariel. They've tried out everything in town, but Sariel had no interest in any of them. Emma's at a lost and Sariel asks if she's run out of ideas. She hasn't given up yet. As her eyes dart around town, she hears Sariel let out a laugh. He admits that he was being a little mean to her today. He did, in fact, find his dream.
Ending
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carewyncromwell · 9 months
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"Playground school bell rings again... Rain clouds come to play again... Has no one told you she's not breathing? 'Hello -- I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to... 'Hello..."'
~"Hello" by Evanescence
x~x~x~x
Told you there'd be more Haunted Mansion AU content coming! This one, unfortunately, is more on the sad side. Also, sorry for the blood trigger -- the mental image just was too strong in my mind.
Okay, so in the Haunted Mansion AU, I have mentioned that Bill Weasley fills the role of the "Ghost Host" -- the spirit who greets Duncan when he first comes to the Cromwell Manor and, as it turns out, ends up mostly taking charge of the other ghosts and daily affairs inside the Manor while his BFF the Beating Heart Bride (Carewyn Cromwell) takes on the responsibility of keeping the actual Master of the House, the malevolent Phantom, contained to the attic so he won't terrorize everyone else. When Duncan investigates more about the Cromwell Manor's history and the Cromwell family by extension, though, he learns that Bill was Carewyn's childhood friend, and that the eldest Weasley not only tried and failed to help Jacob and Carewyn run away from their uncle Blaise before they died, but that he was the one who discovered Jacob's severed head and buried it on his family's property, which ended up resulting in Charles not being able to lay claim to Jacob's soul postmortem the way he'd planned. What only was briefly touched on in the AU, though, was Bill's reaction to what happened to Jacob and Carewyn.
Carewyn was Bill's first real friend in the world -- one he made when he and his family had only just immigrated to upstate New York and had never had a true equal who he could rely on for emotional support just as much as he supported them -- and for Carewyn, Bill was the same. Both Bill and Carewyn had had their respective brothers -- Charlie and Jacob -- as emotional support, of course, but Bill had still always taken on the "big brother" role with Charlie and Jacob obviously was that same "big brother" role for Carewyn. Even despite their two year age gap, Carewyn and Bill treated each other like peers and, due to their similar personalities, often ended up "taking care" of everyone else around them (sometimes together), as well as helping take care of each other. Carewyn would stand up for Bill while he was working multiple jobs as a child to support his family and even coaxed members of her own family to give him odd jobs, so as to support him. Bill would hide Carewyn (often with Charlie's help) in his family's barn when her uncle Blaise came looking for her and taught her how to climb a tree and read the stars. When Jacob was stuck with his tutors and Bill was forced to work unpleasant jobs to make ends meet, Carewyn would keep him company and even help him complete his tasks, just to show moral support, even though her grandfather and especially her uncle so disapproved.
It's frankly no wonder that Bill immediately agreed to help get Carewyn and Jacob out, when Jacob approached him for help. It's also little wonder -- considering how close Bill was to Carewyn and how much he knew she loved her brother -- that Bill reacted so hostilely toward Blaise, when he confronted him about finding Jacob's skull.
“The only piece we have of Carey’s brother is this skull, thanks to you,” barked Bill, “and the only piece of Carey even left in this world is trapped in there with you, rather than buried in the cemetery where we can visit – ” “I want my nephew,” Blaise interrupted him, very harshly. “I know you have him, so give him back.” Bill’s eyes flooded with angry, grief-stricken tears.  “If Jacob were with me,” he said very quietly, “I would sooner burn in Hell than let you lock him up in here again.”
There was no way that Bill was going to let Blaise have a single piece of the person his best friend loved more than her own life.
So Bill buried Jacob's head under a tree not far from the Weasley house. He also kept Carewyn's usual red hair ribbon -- something she'd left at the Weasley house, the night she and Jacob tried and failed to escape the Cromwell Manor -- wrapped around his hand as he worked, before tying it to a branch right over the tiny plot. This blood-red ribbon would serve as a marker many years later, when paranormal investigator Duncan Ashe eventually discovered the tree and the skull buried underneath it.
Fortunately Bill and Carewyn were reunited long before Duncan came along and discovered the truth of the Cromwell family murders, when Blaise Cromwell insisted the medium Madame Olivia bring back his lost family members.
Carewyn actually didn't fully materialize for a very long time after being forced back to the Manor, even with the ghostly medium summoning spirits non-stop. Instead she appeared as nothing but a cold, light blue, ghostly orb, floating aimlessly into and out of the attic with seemingly no awareness or direction.
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It frustrated and grieved the Phantom to no end, especially since the orb that was Carewyn would never speak and would dissolve away out of his clawed hands if he tried to grab her.
It was only when Bill brought his hands around the orb, not to seize it, but to cradle it, that the orb finally stopped wandering. Bill immediately knew this fog-like orb was his friend's spirit, too melancholy and hopeless to fully materialize, and choking back tears, he spoke to her.
"...Carey...Carey, forgive me. ...I failed you, Carey -- you and Jacob. God, I wanted so much to get justice for you, but I failed, Carey. It's why I'm still here, why we're all still here -- we all knew we failed you, Carey. Charlie and Mum and Dad...all of us. We should've been able to protect you -- we should've been able to get you away from your uncle, and yet even now...even now, you've been brought back here, against your will. Brought back here to this terrible house without your brother, without your mother. ...But...I'm not leaving you this time. I'm not leaving you alone here with him -- not again. And I will never leave you again. I swear 't on my life -- nay, on my...on my death...I will never leave you again."
And as Bill bared his heart to this incorporeal ball in his arms, he suddenly felt the cold light expand, growing limbs that clung to him just as much in return, that shook in his arms with silent sobs as strong as his own as she tried to comfort him. For a moment, all Bill and Carewyn's spirits could do, upon both being fully materialized, was hug each other and cry.
If anyone were to want a reason why the Phantom never banished Bill or the Weasleys from the Cromwell Manor the way he did the Wanderer Orion Amari multiple times, even with how much Blaise Cromwell detested them in life...the fact that Bill was the reason Carewyn didn't choose to remain in that hellish, spiraling, maddening, timeless chaos that exists for ghosts without a proper home may be very enlightening.
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"...Bill...it's not your fault. It's not your family's fault. I made a choice, and it was mine, and it was cowardly. ...Forgive me..." "No -- no, no, Carey, you weren't cowardly. You were grieving, you were in pain, and...I just wish I could've helped you..." "You have, Bill. You have."
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being-of-rain · 2 years
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Lots of my spoilery thoughts on The Power of the Doctor! It was jam packed episode so there was a lot of things to have opinions on!
Overall, it was fun! A big action-packed blockbuster filled with cameos and fan-service, and that’s the most I was hoping for really! For me it was easily better than all of Thirteen’s season finales, and both of Sacha Dhawan’s other appearances as the Master. It feels like the plot held together better than usual too, mostly because basically all the nonsensical parts of the plot can be explained as ‘The Master did it for fun and laughs,’ which is entirely believable with this incarnation. I’ve always enjoyed Chibnall’s fun runarounds (eg. Dinosaurs on a Spaceship) more than any other Doctor Who eps he’s tried, and that fits with this ep, which really feels like a celebration. That makes sense since it’s the centenary special, something that I kept forgetting about after I had something else to call it because I just don’t care about the BBC itself jslkjsdfj.
Honestly, when I first heard the rumours that the Doctor was regenerating into David Tennant at the end I was like ‘I wouldn’t like that if it happened’- but because the rest of the ep felt like a cameo-filled madcap celebration, it actually didn’t feel out of place at all! I disagree with people who say the scene undercut Whittaker leaving (because to me it felt more at home than most other post-regeneration scenes do in their eps) or Gatwa arriving (because if he gets more than a 30 second filler scene in the coming special, it’ll be technically more of an introduction than any other new Doctor). But I can understand people not liking it from the point of view of Tennant just being brought back for the PR, or that he’s going to attract all the worst kind of fans. I’m just lucky that I have an easy time ignoring those type of people I guess.
What with all the cameos and returning characters, I was surprised to see that most of them got substantial things to do! Chibnall or someone else must have taken note of how bad that issue got in The Vanquishers. I’ve seen people say that the Cybermen attacking UNIT plot wasn’t necessary, but it made sense to me, and was positively vital compared to a lot of the plots in the last third of Flux. Though I can’t believe Dan got written out 10 minutes in, presumably to help avoid the problem of too many characters?? Can’t think of any other coherent reason to do that. He’s hasn’t done much or had much plot his entire time as companion and this was the funniest possible way to have him leave. I laughed when I started a rewatch and saw John Bishop get one of the top billings in the opening titles.
The only person who really badly fell victim to the unnecessary character syndrome was Vinder, who also had the least reason to be anywhere near this episode. He’s one of my favourite minor characters from the era so I was happy to see him, but literally the only thing he does is threaten to shoot the Master because he isn’t the Doctor’s companion so he’s allowed to. The most hilarious thing is that this is the one and only Thirteen episode that the Doctor explicitly gives a companion permission to use a gun, for exactly the reason Vinder uses it. And Yaz was right there. No one tell Vinder, he’ll be crushed. In any case, Vinder also gave Thirteen an excuse to put a welding goggles on, so he’s excused.
I was sad that Bel only got the smallest possible reference, since she was such an important part of Vinder’s character in Flux and I love her too. And even more so with Ryan Sinclair (who’s still probably my favourite of Thirteen’s companions)! Felt so weird that he was missing while all of Thirteen’s other companions were there- I hope it was because his actor couldn’t/didn’t want to, because if I found out Chibnall arbitrarily just didn’t want to include him I’ll be mad. Grace O’Brien didn’t get a reference either, which wasn’t strictly necessary but did irritate my liking of bookends in a series, considering she was such a huge part of Thirteen’s first episode.
But I did love who did return. Graham and the Martin Doctor got the biggest cheers from my brother and I while watching the episode, I was so hoping they would make an appearance. Shame that it was an AI Doctor rather than the real thing, but it was still an absolute joy to see her appear for what I assume was the most amount of time since her first episode (which is still a massive highlight of Thirteen’s era).
When the AI Doctors turned up I did worry it was going to be The Vanquishers all over again, but they worked really well as simple plot propellant and fan service with Tegan and Ace rather than completely overshadowing everyone. Weirdly the Five and Tegan conversation touched me a lot more than the Seven and Ace conversation, even though the latter is a relationship that means more to me (although Seven referring to Ace as his child was so touching). It was maybe because of the episode aggressively ignoring all EU (surprisingly even the SJA retcon of Ace running a charity, which doesn’t get a mention), which I saw coming and didn’t really bother me, but still made the Ace and Doctor relationship a bit less meaningful to me when they have SO much more history in whichever branch of the EU you want to accept. Also so many authors seem determined to say that Seven and Ace left on bad terms huh. I think they liked each other actually, and Ace went to Gallifrey with good memories.
The plot itself of the episode was great fun! Can’t wait to see all the Game of Rassilon fans to say that their podcast did it first, which is very fair jsdlkjf. So much of the plot seemed to be solely devoted to the Master getting to dance to the song Rasputin while dressed as Rasputin, and it was 100% worth it. Sacha Dhawan is just as fun as I could have hoped in this episode, and honestly steals the show. Him becoming the Doctor was a wonderful plan fit for a final episode like this, was executed very well, and given so much delicious flavour by the Master’s line “don’t let me go back to being me.” Plus I saw someone point out that it’s basically just the Master’s plan from the TV movie, which I’m always here for. And the “dress for the occasion” reference was icing on the cake. (Although here’s a nittiest of nitpicks: the Master described forced regeneration as “the ultimate sanction for breaking our laws,” when it clearly wasn’t. When they did it to the Doctor, it was after the Doctor bargained them down, and in the same episode they straight up erase some dudes’ timelines.)
Unfortunately the final showdown and mortal wounding of the Thirteenth Doctor was one of the episode’s weakest scenes imo with lots of missed potential. The quaranx is a generic mcguffin depicted as an unremarkable CGI light ball, and could’ve been so much more. Sounds like a lot of people including me drew a link between its child form and the Timeless Child- why didn’t it stay in its child form later to reinforce that link, which was a heck of a lot more visually striking anyway. The Doctor telling the creature to destroy the cyber-moon, something it could’ve done all along, could’ve been so much better framed as the Doctor convincing a child to embrace their power or fight their fear. And the Master suddenly taking control of the random laser beam wasn’t built up to either, which feels like something that should’ve been established considering the Doctor dying is rather an important part of the episode. Think of the Doctor being mortally wounded because she wouldn’t give up trying to save a little girl, even though she knew the risks.
Anyway, a touching end to Thirteen’s Doctor. I can’t honestly say I was moved to tears by her departure; I always felt like Jodie Whittaker could’ve done more with better scripts, and the fact that she was avoiding confiding things in Yaz this episode shows she didn’t too much over her lifetime (I laughed Tegan being faced with that awkward repression, because her Doctor was exactly the same). Although Yaz and the Doctor being so upbeat and hopeful at the end felt like a great pay-off to all this Doctor’s talk of hope for the future, and probably added to the reason I wasn’t so sad myself. I’m similarly touched but not awfully upset over Yaz leaving, sorry jskldfj (her showing off her firearm training sure is one way to end her run of avoiding any police discourse during the late 2010s/early 2020s, thanks Dr Who). But it was emotional to see them both agree that it’s time for Yaz to leave, because continuing just wouldn’t be the same for either of them. It’s nice that all of Thirteen’s companions have left because the time is right, after the RTD and Moffat eras seeming to think that the only possible exit was tragedy.
Anything else? Obviously, seeing all the past Doctors was a real treat, and Seven and Eight bickering made everything worth it. Like I said, the episode felt like a celebration, and the next episode being part of the 60th anniversary makes it feel like the celebrations just keep going! Only thing I have to be bitter about is that the 50th anniversary was an emotional tale about restoring Gallifrey, and now we’re going into the 60th with it destroyed again (still easily the worst story decision in Thirteen’s era). And it’s a shame to wait a whole year for more Doctor Who, but I’m really hoping that after that the waits between seasons will become more regular.
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sundayinthcpark · 3 months
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okay so i’m still scribbling down ideas and i’m kinda stoned and idk if i’ll ever manage to write this cos i have never rlly written anything like this (literally anything i’ve never written for one of these fandoms i’ve never finished a multi chap plotted fic i’ve never written an in-depth au like idk if i even could do this) but the other day my brain decided WOULDN’T IT BE COOL if Kingsman and UNIT were the same people. (and honestly MIB: International a bit too) but like. Kingsman Doctor Who AU. that’s mostly focused on osgate.
for whatever reason, the code name Arthur isn’t used and is instead replaced with The Doctor. why, idk. there doesn’t need to be a reason. just, when the doctor, the brig, and liz shaw all started this, he decided his code name was The Doctor and it’s been that way since
also the plot was: three different stories, spanning a couple different time periods.
first story (kingsman: the secret service) is very much just stolen ideas from what i know of the Cyber-Reality Big Finish stories. which admittedly about 80% of that (i did start listening to them. finally) is because of @technicallywrite’s fanfic 🫡 but i promise i am doing my research. but anyway like that cyber program instead of valentine’s program??? osgood thinking kate’s dead for like half the story adds some fun to it and i could add kate’s pov w whatever’s happening to her OR i could just. go off from Kingsman and do it closer to Big Finish and just call it good.
ideally: harry = kate; eggsy = osgood; arthur = 12th doctor; merlin = river
considering replacing jakobi!master w gomez!master for some extra fun? like it just could be fun is all.
also: focus is osgate but there is background stuff going on. 12/River/Missy ???? do some fun little twists get them all together i think they deserve it. also other knights/agents would be (possibly.) amy, rory, clara, rose, yaz, donna, martha, bill, sam, josh, gwen, ianto, maybe jack? not as important characters literally just names to fill in blanks. i have code names for them too just in case it’s needed as well as ships cos background ships r always so fun
also was thinking abt the possibility of: sarah jane is the lancelot being replaced. i don’t wanna kill her either but. it adds some fun messy stuff for kate cos i am always a sarah jane/kate truther but also establishing it all could be messy
also was considering just having sarah jane have been a past agent that kate’s father knew (will get into family history in a sec) and kate got to occasionally hear some stories about her OR sarah jane is kate’s aunt (basically they knew each other but sarah jane is gone now and kate struggles with that a bit)
cos kate’s dad was obviously part of Kingsman which is how Kate got recruited- sorta. (here is why i want sarah jane to be. important and not related to kate but i can’t change some of it) cos she technically still had to be recruited but sarah jane kept an eye on kate while she was in military training and actually recruited her having not realised who she was until after she had already decided
which is about to be what happens here cos. osgood is a rlly fucking good hacker and they can hack into p much any database okay so kingsman has been keeping an eye on them- not cos they’re worried that osgood will reveal them, just cos they kinda think she’s brilliant- and kate actually ends up running into them at a bar. where idk what but some kinda relatively easy to defeat alien shows up right and kate has to get rid of it and suddenly there’s a lot going on but kate is asking osgood to come to kingsman with her
and basically what osgood had been doing is kinda like. non-violent the beekeeper type shit like hacking elon musk’s bank account to send a billion dollars to palestine or some shit like just trying to improve the world in whatever ways right
and then osgood’s ends up joining kingsman (sorry but skip the ‘roxy beats eggsy’ plot line cos even tho i love roxy i don’t have time to figure out how to fit weird sexism into this especially cos not one man has actually been a part of this story yet) and proceeds to get sucked into the Cyber-Reality storyline
lowkey tho a) i need to learn how to write smut because i need them to hook up at least once probably pre-cyber like. anything. like they r attracted to each other. maybe that’s how kate learns about them in the first place is they hook up and osgood tells kate what they do with their life and kate decides to look into her work
(just occurred to me this may not be obvious but she/they osgood. possibly they/then doctor too cos i like fucking around w characters’ pronouns)
but anyway yeah i actually lowkey want the story to end with them not quite having figured themselves out but knowing they’re gonna do it together (😏)
but def positive ending cos i have not thought out Kingsman: The Golden Circle yet
i have figured out origins but not entirely how to make it follow a plot line yet but there’s a strong chance of it involving the third doctor, liz shaw, and the brigadier and possibly autons. liz = galahad; brig = merlin. and obviously it’ll have threebrig. but it’s a separate story i’ve barely thought about
also figuring out how to make the time jump from three to twelve but also still having time in there for kate to come around? it’s gonna be interesting for sure
this is so much rambling j am very sorry and i’m also very tired and i definitely could do better hashing this out and i’m working on doing better hashing this out i just also needed to ramble at someone. lol
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