Don't make me tap the sign

Original | Exclu comments

Exclus went full circle.

"I'm attracted to one gender" -> "I am bisexual". Lolgic!

what if...instead of blaming bi women for men's behaviour towards lesbians...we blamed MEN for men's behaviour towards lesbians...just a thought...don't mind me...

Battleaxe bis are so funnily hypocritical because they'll yell at pan people about how bi historically included attraction to all genders so the pan label is biphobic

Yet you'll never see them acknowledge that historically multi gender attraction was included in lesbianism or say that the bi label is lesbiphobic because lesbianism historically included their attraction

They only care about history when it benefits their ideology

Ok, but also: there aren't bi spaces.

I mean, there are now, online, you can follow exclusively battleax bi tumblr blogs if you really want to for some reason or hang out in a bisexual Facebook group that spends most of its time yelling at people for not talking about non-binary people the right way or go to r/bisexuality and post about lemon bars and movies that have hot actors and actresses.

But in person?

Just over ten years ago, in San Francisco (the city whose flag might as well be the rainbow one) I ended a five year relationship and decided that I needed to figure a few things out about myself, and that one of those things had to do with being bi, so I looked over the LGBT Community Center's calendar and found one bisexual event, a monthly support group. When I went to the support group (a few times, until I stopped going when I decided it wasn't really what I wanted or needed and they didn't even have tea) I found out about a casual social group of bisexuals who met for I don't remember, brunch or dinner or something at a particular time, and went, but that was under six people typically and they were significantly older than I was and somehow significantly even less cool, and I stopped going. That, and a bisexual contingent at the Pride march, are the only in person bisexual events I've ever been to. Or heard of.

(The kink community has "pansexual" play parties. But, that doesn't mean play parties for pansexuals, it means play parties that are open to people of all sexual orientations. In contrast to the queer men's and once in a blue moon queer women's/eh people in that ballpark parties. The vast majority of the play at these events is between men and women, although that doesn't necessarily mean the people playing are straight and quite a lot of them aren't.) (just for clarification; I have never heard of any events or spaces specifically designated for pansexual people. Granted I haven't looked recently? But I'd be surprised, bisexual is still by far the more popular/common label.)

While there can be a lot of informal social groups that have a high percentage of bi people in them, there just isn't a bi culture that wasn't just made up by someone on the internet in the past ten years.

And god if you've had different experiences please argue with me, I would genuinely like to hear about it. But yeah, that's my experience. That spaces that might create some sort of bi culture, that offline bi spaces, are rare and spread out enough to essentially not exist. Not in the way that "lesbian culture" (the bars the bookstores the dating scenes the robust social groups the printing presses the significant chunk of "gay and lesbian" spaces) (in quotes because "lesbian spaces" never have and never will exclusively contain women who like women and don't like men) exists. Bisexual women get straight land and lesbian land. We're binational. We don't have our own land.

bi/pan discourse is so stupid bc you can literally define any sexuality in a transphobic way. you can ostracize trans people by isolating them as a third category and you can exclude nonbinary people by saying you're attracted to both genders. no cis person is exempt from being transphobic just bc you use a certain label cannot believe anyone thinks they can

Reading all the hate in the pan-related tags is seriously getting me down and making me so sad for my fellow pan people, so let me say this to y'all:

Fuck what these assholes are saying. We are better than that, better than them for not sinking to that level, and better than the hurtful things they say and believe! We don't deserve this. We don't deserve to have our identities repeatedly and constantly scrutinized, torn apart, and tossed aside. We don't deserve to have people post hate in our positivity tags. We don't deserve to be harassed and ridiculed for having a different identity. We. Deserve. Better.

We deserve love, kindness, understanding, and acceptance. We deserve to be part of the overall queer community, to share it with those who call themselves "more palatable, more acceptable" queer people. WE ARE PART OF THE LGBTQ+! WE BELONG HERE, TOO!

It's not the fault of every single pan person if one of us doesn't understand what pan means and/or has been told the wrong definition of it. It doesn't automatically make that person or the rest of us inherently transphobic, enbyphobic, biphobic jerks. Misunderstandings happen, and people spread false information due to confusion or hate. But that doesn't mean we're all bigoted, and it doesn't mean we want to be pitted against bi people or any other mspecs. We simply want to coexist and be allowed to use the labels we feel fit us the most.

A little lesson for y'all... Bi and pan are not and never have been the same. Bi includes trans/nonbinary people, and it always has. Pan includes them, too, which it always has as well. One is not better than the other, but neither is the exact same as the other. Pan simply means "attraction to ALL genders, regardless of gender," while bi is "attraction to two OR MORE genders." Bi CAN include all genders, yes, but it doesn't have to if the person claiming the label doesn't want it to. But pan ALWAYS includes all genders. So yes, they are different, and no, saying that doesn't make anyone rude or hateful or biphobic or panphobic. And there's nothing wrong with pointing out differences (nor similarities) between each other.

Really, it breaks my heart to see so much in-fighting STILL going on after years and years of it. I know it can be frustrating on both sides, but we have to stop. We don't have to be friends, we don't even have to like each other, but we have got to stop throwing hate at each other. We're all part of this community, we all belong here, and we all deserve to feel safe here. No matter how you feel towards each other, please realize that while we're all different with different genders and orientations, we have much more in common than you think. We all face discrimination from cishets; we're all fighting for equal human rights; and we're all just trying to make our way, find ourselves, and exist in a world where many people hate us simply for who we are.

Please, I know it's hard, but please try to be better to each other. Please show each other love and kindness when you can, and if you can't, please leave each other be. Sending love, light, and good vibes to each and every one of you out there 🩷

Really hate how bisexual discourse has gotten to a point where bisexual activists have to write paragraphs on paragraphs just to define bisexuality. The damage y’all have done to what was otherwise a simple, clear explanation for a unique orientation that simply encompassed attraction to multiple genders. Like god. You all make it so hard for bisexual people to just exist. Why do we have to keep explaining explaining explaining? Why do we have to talk so much for people to hear so little? Why do you devalue us and our histories constantly?

just so we're all clear if you post bi vs lesbian discourse or bi women hating on lesbians/vice versa i am blowing you up in my mind. every time i see one of those posts my urge to sloppily make out with a bi woman increases. your discourse can't stop me. im kissing every normal bi woman/enby directly on the mouth right now actually. we're gonna have sex on your bed later btw

I feel like if I had a nickle for every time somebody making a stupid argument in my inbox on anon attempted to use their bisexuality as a gotcha against me I would live in a mansion and drive a Ferrari. Do I really need to keep repeating the whole "no group is a monolith" thing? Because I really thought we all understood that it applies to bisexuals too.

There are plenty of bisexuals out there who disagree with me on a variety of things both related and unrelated to bisexuality/LGBT discourse. Me being bisexual doesn't automatically make me correct about bi discourse and somebody who disagrees with me about bi discourse being bisexual doesn't automatically disprove any of my points. I've never claimed that all bisexual people think like me, it should be obvious that they don't.

*acquaintance posts somethig homophobic*

Me: Freddie Mercury was bi yk

Him: I'm talkin about the gays at our school. They do that for attention. Like *names few kids*

Me (desperate to befriend every queer in school): I don't think they do it for attention, but *xyz boy* is gay?

Him: They all do it for attention. I bet these 'im fully gay kids' will grow up and marry men. Also, that boy became gay after *name of girl* rejected him. He's been giving off gay vibes ever since.

Me: it's not possible to become gay overnight. You are born like that. Ofc if he's flirty around guys he may be bi but that's not our thing to decide.

Him: getting rejected in front of the whole school can make you gay. Trauma is a reason to turn.

Funnily enough this is the exact same dude who pretended to be bi just to try something from how I met your mother

He is also a guy who tried to explain sexuality to a bi girl who now knows coming out is a bad idea because of this.

"Yes, I know respectability politics has never worked before, but it'll work this time, I swear."

"Yes, I know that I'm using arguments that were used against gay people before, but this time I'm right."

"Yes, I know that exclusionists have been wrong before, but this time I'm right."

"Yes, I know making ourselves small to placate bigots has never worked before, but this time it will."

Can we just not? Can we just learn from history for once?

I think it’s absolutely crazy how most Anti-Lunter Lumity shippers will try to take Lunter down by saying “Luz already has a girlfriend!” But then in that same breathe in that same mindset, say absolutely nothing about the Willuz ship.

Why? Because Willow is a girl and Hunter is a guy. Luz is a Bi character who has shown attraction towards both male and female characters. And being against her being shipped with someone of the opposite gender really gives biphobia.

People trying to convince people who don't label as bi that they actually are bi will not annoy the fuck out of me

"It's okay to be bisexual-" yes, it is, but not everyone is bi. Nor is everyone you see as bi going to see themselves the same way. And at the end of the day, it is their orientation, not yours.

Can't imagine why anyone would unironically want to identify as a febfem in 2022. Yes girl, show everyone today how grossly biphobic your clown ass is, we love that for you.

Bi people who say “even if I’m in a relationship with [the opposite gender] my relationship is still queer!” I’m convinced have never dated someone of the same sex.

Because I’ve done both! And I wasn’t even living in a super homophobic place but there is a tangible fucking difference between being in a same sex relationship than being in an opposite sex one.

You notice people look at you different, you have to question if you can hold her hand on a date or if the people walking towards you on the street will say something. Introducing her to people in my life came with this fear that they might say something ignorant, or might just straight up not be okay with it.

And that’s not to say that relationship was worse, no I consider my relationship with her my best relationship. But it certainly wasn’t the same.

I’m always gonna be bisexual, but when I’m dating a man? That’s a straight fucking relationship.