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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 6 months

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up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get

Lee says:

When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.

Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.

If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.

You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.

You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.

When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.

These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.

So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.

Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.

If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.

Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.

Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.

You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.

If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.

If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!

If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.

When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.

I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.

I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.

Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.

I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.

Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!

Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!

#Lee says #transphobia m

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vaspider · 2 years

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Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

Truly amazed at the people whose big takeaway from that thread is "you hate Pete Buttigieg" like buddy did you not... read... all of it?

I genuinely don't give a shit about Pete himself. If you think this is about Democratic self-devouring or whatever the fuck, please mentally substitute Ellen or George Takei or Rachel Maddow or your favorite Other Respectable Gay. I hear some dude named Rubin is even a conservative who is getting turned on for adopting a baby? I don't know who he is and I don't care (do not tell me, I do not care) but if it makes you feel better, substitute any of those names.

I think the ones that actually make me sad are the people who keep insisting that 70% of people support gay marriage, and that I'm just 'acting out my trauma', and we won't see things turn against us, we're perfectly safe now, how dare I say that cishets won't put themselves out for us when it counts, it's different now.

Honey, 99% of people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today, and what they'll support when it doesn't cost them anything has nothing to do with what they'll support when it does. Those of us telling you 'we were abandoned before, and we were the ones who took care of us then' aren't telling you because we're incorrigibly bitter misanthropes. I am annoyingly hopeful, actually, and in love with humanity and the beauty of life. Seriously, I have to write poems about it because I love the universe and all of humanity so fucking much. One of the things I love about humanity is its fragility and its uncertainty. I love the ways in which we fail.

And humans, over and over again, turn our eyes away from tragedy.

If you are lucky enough to have cishet friends and family who will put themselves out for you when it really matters, that is fucking fantastic. That's not nearly universal, and I'm afraid that you're going to find out sooner rather than later that it's far less universal for you than you'd like to believe.

At the end of the day, you can believe me or not about all of this. You can say that I'm just a bitter old transfag, an angry old dyke, a traumatized old queer if it lets you sleep better at night, if it allows you to just close your eyes and say 'this is all going to be fine, because 70% of people support marriage equality!' and get some rest. I can't make you pay attention.

And the thing is? I'd love to be wrong. I would absolutely love for every cishet who has ever said "one of them" or said "well, I mean, I just don't want to see it, they can do whatever they want in private" or whatever to turn out to be the raddest fucking ally the world has ever seen. I know it can happen! My in-laws went from being Baptist homophobes to getting weekly chatty update phone calls from the two trans women refugees from Latin America who they housed and helped get their papers sorted and who are now living in New York and call them Mom and Dad. Like, truly, it can fucking happen!

But you can't count on that from the vast majority of people, because when it comes down to it, most people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today. You're much more likely to be able to count on someone with a dog in the hunt.

More than that, though, the point of that essay -- which, when people miss it, they miss it so hard that it feels deliberate, honestly -- is that all of our bullshit infighting doesn't mean dick. I've been saying that for years, begging people to think inclusively about our community, begging people to stop all the bullshit infighting because I could see this shit fucking coming, you didn't need to be Cassandra to see it coming but sometimes I felt like I was screaming until my throat was horse, the fucking tsunami is coming, it's coming, motherfuckers, can't you see the way the water is pulling back?

And here we are, and all the arguing about whether bi lesbians are "valid" doesn't matter, and everyone's attempt to gatekeep butch and femme doesn't matter, and everyone's arguments about whether neopronouns are bad doesn't fucking matter because we are all just fags, dykes and trannies to them, they do not care for one fucking second about any of this. None of them care for one second about our infighting. No one is going to stop and ask you what your orientation is so they can call you the right slur when they're gaybashing you, kids. They. Don't. Care.

So now here we are, and people are acting like the point of the essay is that I wanted to call one particular dude a fag, rather than that it doesn't matter how perfectly primed you are to fit into Respectable WASP Society, it is your queerness which is objectionable. It is your gayness. It is your transness. It is your bisexuality, your asexuality, your lesbianism. You will never be granted rights and respectability. You have to defend your rights, and stop giving a shit about respectability as a metric of whether or not someone deserves them.

I mean, for fuck's sake, some Iowa voters tried to withdraw their caucus support once they realized that Pete was gay. It literally fucking happened. There's video. Someone they supported above all the other candidates in the Iowa primary was immediately disqualified for them to the point where they tried to retract their support the minute they found out he was gay.

That's the fucking point. I don't care who you use as your Proxy Respectable Gay.

Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

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cherry-pop-elf · 29 days

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Weasley Siblings Reacting To You Coming Out 🏳️‍⚧️ ((Trans Edition))

Some wholesome/projection because wah-! Also reader is under the impression of muggleborn, so muggle ideals would be different from wizards of course

Can he read as Platonic or Romantic! Clause Platonic love is valid af! I see you Ace/Just wanting stuff to not always be sex, folks!

Warnings: Transphobia,bullying ((not from the Weasleys obviously)) anxiety, depression, don’t worry it’s fluff just ya know. It’s scary coming out!

Writing Coms Open

((BTW this was in my drafts, and since Trans Visibility Day was today, it gave me motivation to finish it so let’s go-!))

William ‘Bill’

“Like Tonks-!” You did feel pretty silly, once he said that. Made you wonder why you waited so long. Literally you were friends with a Shapeshifter, so why would you coming out be so different? Oh right, what muggles would do if they knew. “Kinda, minus the whole ya know….Changing on the whim. Wish I could do that-“ You muttered, as Bill would pat your back. The pair of you, ever cozy in the library. Special permission to access the resurrected section, since he was being interned at Gringotts for curse breaking. Meant you had some privacy for such a sensitive topic. “Hey, we can find a way to. Right? It’s magic. I bet you my lucky dagger that the twins probably have something in the works.“ He comforted, and it made you smile. That Bill. Always finding a way to brag about his younger siblings somehow. That was just the cutest thing to you. Just a big brother, finding a way to show off his family. Helped a lot. “Whatever you need, I’ve got you. I know muggles do stuff differently, and a lot isn’t really to positive-“ Bill was the eldest, so it made sense he would be more informed with muggle culture. If his band shirts were to say anything. “Like name changes and stuff. Got a new name you like?” There was something so weird about how casual he was. Just, casual. It was a field, but also felt off. Like something bad should have happened. Maybe it will. Until then, though, you were happy to tell him your new name. “Suits you-!” He smiled that awkward half smile, given the other half didn’t exist anymore. “I like it.” And he was soon ruffling your hair. Older brother habits. They don’t die easy, and you were greatful for it.

Charlie

“Like Tonks-!” Why did you get Déjà vu? You shook it off, before nodding. “Yes, minus the actually changing my gender and stuff.” You clarified, as he multi tasked with the latest baby dragon Hagrid had gotten. Charlie just couldn’t resist, and now you two were stuck in his hut. Hagrid off to find someone to take said dragon, while Charlie treated it like a puppy. Kissing its snout, and making it squeal in utter delight. Despite the slobber, and despite the heat. One of the reason you trusted him with such a secret. His heart was so big, and he held such passion. Not to mention, you hoped he could help you get out of your shell a bit. Such a loud, and proud, man. Also, well, imagine trying to bully someone who’s buddies with the dragon tamer. “Neat-! So do I flip flip between pronouns, like Tonky, or you got new ones-?” You swore he was paying more attention to the dragon, than you. Weirdly, you liked it. He didn’t treat it as life or death, which healed something in you. He didn’t care, but in that good way. That it didn’t change how he saw you. Or, maybe you just asked at the right time. You had to shake his shoulder, to remind him you were still there. You two shared a laugh, as he went on rambling about how beautiful the dragon was, as you were able to relax a little easier.

Percy

“Trans-? Like as in Transfiguration? Finally, actually focusing on your studies.” You were already regretting this. You figured Percy would be someone to confide in, since he was a prefect. You were being bullied by the muggleborns, but the thing is….Hes a pure blood. He didn’t really understand what being trans was. So, you tried to explain. “Percy, they were making fun of me because I was born different.” You tried to explain, as he was starting to pay a bit more attention now. “They saw me going to the bathroom, and immediately threw books at me. It’s not like I don’t mind Moaning Myrtle, but it’s hard to pee with company.” You sniffled, as it was settling in now. “I’m so sorry, I’ll handle this immediately. I….Let’s go take you to the medical wing, to make sure you are patched….Could you explain more to me about this trans thing? Why it makes you different?” It’s a start. He’s willing to learn, and that’s more than so many. That gave you comfort. He’s confused, but willing. With his arm around you, you did your best to wizard it to his language. To get it out of your system, and for once? Percy stayed quiet, and listened. It’s a start, and you couldn’t be happier.

Fred

“Swear you are like the fifth person to tell me that this month-!” He laughed, as you blinked. Despite the prancing dynamic of the twins, they had grown a bit over the years. Suppose the older brother energy they held just drew in comfort. It’s easy to confide in them. They may not act like it, but they can keep a secret. Guess the courtyard was just a hot spot for such. “Wait, why are you telling me this anyway? I knew the moment I met you-!” He snorted, with an elbow nudge to you. Honestly? You were certain he was joking, but you wondered if he did. “About bloody time you figured it out yerself! Not sure how that whole thing works, but I’m sure George and I can brew something up for ya. Need a beard? Or bigger hips? I’m sure we got something-“ That had you roll your eyes. “Sounds like an excuse to turn me into your personal lab rat-“ That had him blink. “The hell is a lab rat?” Right. Pure blood. “I’ll explain it to you later. Just, promise not to tell anyone? I’m….not ready yet.” Fred seemed like he was ready to argue, about needing to just be passionate about who and what you are, but he was hushed. As if he could already hear Molly yelling at him. That was trauma for another occasion. Instead, he made a zipping motion to his lips, and threw away the key. “Thanks.” You smiled, as he gave a thumbs up. Pretending he couldn’t speak at all, and it got you to giggle. Calmed your nerves down just fine.

George

“That’s uh….That thing-! Yeah-!” He bullshitted, but you understood why. He’s the more emotional side of the dynamic duo. So many kids come to them for advice, but more come to George. You would pay a guess that many who went to Fred were actually looking for George, but didn’t realize it was Fred at all. You only managed, because he was wearing his Quidditch Jersey. Least, you think it was his. Shit, was this Fred? Nope, Fred walked by. With Angelina. Phew. “George, do you need me to explain?” You asked, as he rubbed his neck nervously. Embarrassed he wasn’t instantly able to comfort, like it was his only job. “It’s a muggle thing, breathe.” And breathe he did, as he laid back down on the common room couch. With a quick run down, it clicked. He’s an inventor, they are good at thinking outside norms. “Oh! Oh man, that sounds stressful as hell. Hey, anyone starts shit-“ He gave a sharp click with his tongue, and made a shooting motion with his finger. “Consider them chucked into a vanishing closet.” And given he’s a Weasley, you didn’t underestimate him. So, instead, you hugged him. A big, warm, squeeze. Of course, it was returned. Oh those Weasleys.

Ron

“Would you be offended if I go ask Hermione what that means-?” Least he’s honest, and knew better to ask her than anyone else. Hard to ever get alone time with him, as he was glued to her and Harry. Surprised to catch him alone, for once, and took the chance while you could. Now to just look at your breakfast plate, nervous. “I’ll just explain it, the best I can.” You sighed, as you saw Ron wince a little. Feeling he did something wrong. “It’s a muggle thing-“ You quickly said, as he breathed a little easier. A few nervous gulps of juice, and many confused brows, it clicked. "Woah, that sounds terrible. I rememberer when Harry and i had to drink a polyjuice potion. we were still the same gender, and all, but my skin just felt so wrong. Everything was wrong. was just a suit, and i wanted to peel it off. Even if it hurt." You had to stare. That was just so accurate to how you felt. Your eyes watered. “Did I say something wrong, again-? I’m sorry about-“ But you hugged him, with your eyes in his shoulder. Don’t get Ron started on how many times he’s had to be the shoulder for Harry. So, like a time turners clockwork, he held you back. Comforting you. Someone got it.

Ginny

“Think I’m that to-“ Ginny said, as you two just laid in the grass. Just trying to relax, from a long school day. “Like, maybe it’s just because I was raised by a bunch of brothers. Just, being JUST a girl feels weird. Like I’m more than that, I’m not JUST that. Maybe I’m feeling something else entirely. Never been the same, after that book.” She admits, ready to stress her out all over again. Voldemort did a number on her. What a way to start Hogwarts. Damn. “Well, maybe don’t think about it too hard. It’s both super complicated, but not at the same time. It’s more a feeling than anything else. You can be born it, or maybe over time it changes. Maybe by tomorrow you feel something else. Then, the next day it changes.” You tried to explain, as you watched the clouds. “Yeah, like magic.” She agreed, as she looked to her broomstick next to her. Thinking back to her childhood. “Maybe I am a guy, but Mum being so excited to have a girl just….Made me feel like I HAD to be….” God was that relatable. “Trans buddies?” You asked, and offered a hand. In a playful solidarity. You figured that would comfort her, or maybe now he. “Yeah, Trans buddies.” Ginny smiled, as you shared hands. “Jean sounds nice.” Ginny said. “Jean does sound nice.” You agreed.

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nothorses · 1 year

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as i understand you and your friends have a habit of taking what can be called the "ben shapiro argument method" (taking what someone says and misconstruing it enough that they have no way to respond without looking bad, even though it has nothing to do with what was originally stated, nor does the opposer raise any real points), i have decided to present this as a nice, clear, and concise numbered list, so i hope you can respond in a way that makes sense for once! :) 1. it was not private, that person posted it on a publicly available blog, the person in question chose to make this public 2. huge difference between what you're describing and FANTASIZING about that and "corrective rape" for transgender women and cisgender lesbians as well, which is what happened 3. i never said i disagreed that trans people should come together against transphobia, i said that the word "transunitism" sounds fascist, because it does 4. unlike the person in question, i am anonymous, i am choosing to stay private, you have no right to know what i do or do not enjoy. hell, you don't even know if i am an adult, and making a leap like that is a really dangerous thing you should reassess, because if this keeps coming up, as it has proven to, and people keep saying this, as they have been proven to. you will inevitably land yourself in deep shit.

sure, let's play.

it was a (password-protected, afaik) kink roleplay blog marked NSFW and restricted to adults. that's not the same as consent, for anything. it is especially not consent to spread shit around to random individuals who also, like, do not want to fucking hear about it (as I do not) (that's also sexual harassment btw. if you even care).

what I am describing is literally what happened. what I am telling you is a. not contradicted by anything he has said elsewhere, and b. what he told me. at minimum, you should not be making the assumption or claim that the kink is his without iron-clad proof, regardless of whether or not you believe me that it was someone else's.

literally do you hear yourself.

you are saying that you believe the only difference between situations where it is or is not okay to judge a person by their kinks, spread them around to strangers, and encourage harassment against them-- is whether that information has been made available to you (even if this was not consensual).

buddy. hey.

I don't want to know about your fucking kinks, you absolute buffoon.

these tags?

blatant sarcasm. I am mocking you, because your logic is all the way unhinged.

it would be literally horrific if everyone was expected or required to publicly state their every sexual interest, fantasy, kink, thought, or act so that the entire rest of the world could judge their morality and determine how worthy of harassment they were based on fucking Thought Crime.

but your argument hinges on the assumption that everyone should know about the sexual roleplay this guy did at the request of his transfem partner a few years ago, because it makes him dangerous that he has this kink (even though he doesn't actually have this kink).

so here's my question:

how do we know you don't have these kinks? how can we be sure you're not just hiding them? anon, you could be the biggest rape fetishist in the world for all anyone else knows! you are literally anonymous- who's to say you don't have a sex roleplay blog where you act out even more scandalous and non-normative sexual fantasies? I certainly don't have any way to know!

if the only thing that makes you a "good person" here is that nobody knows about your kinks (yet), then this truly has nothing to do with the kinks themselves.

I don't want to fucking know your kinks, anon. I also didn't want to know his. I don't fucking care, I did not consent to any of this, and neither did he. both of us, and many others, have asked explicitly and for years now for this to please, please stop.

and yet here you are.

#harassment #you are responding to weeks-old posts prompted by MORE anon hate i did not want to receive.#fuck!!! off!!!!

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piffany666 · 5 months

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Ok just one more punk progeny won't hurt~

Chapter 5: the agreement

Ftm trans Bright eyes

Tank uses they/she pronouns. Primarily 'they' but for the purpose of this fic they are occasionally referred to as the "cool step mum"

TW: smoking

Out of all the people Bright had met since turning, Tanker was the one he trusted and genuinely liked the most.

Which did suprise Sam but In retrospect, it did make a lot of sense.

They had so much in common, so much so that Tanker sometimes would refer to Bright as a "mini them".

Tank did see Bright as kinda like a step son and Bright saw Tank as like the cool step mum to Sam's grouchy step dad.

And it was because of this, the two had made a habit of hanging out whenever Bright was.....feeling bad.

It started out as them just going places together, karaoke, party's, exploring old abandoned malls, just like when it was just Bright and Fred, but eventually they started sparring and working out together.

Bright wanted to compensate for being turned by new blood and Tank wanted to let off some steam so they became gym buddies.

Then, once they were done, they would go to a clear part of the woods and sparr.

A little while ago Tank beat the crap out of him and asked "do you enjoy being a vampire?"

Obviously Bright said "no" and in response, Tank grabbed him by the hair and said

"Then stop trying to fight like one".

It was only then did Bright understand that he'd never be a strong vampire if he played by their rules, he was turned by new blood, he knew that, but maybe he could be strong

If he fought like a wolf.

Bright had learnt from Tank that vampires, wolfs and elementals all have different fighting styles but vampires specifically see their fighting style as gospel so its easy to spot there weaknesses.

So Tank agreed to train him and now he has the strength of a vampire, but the skill of a wolf.

But unfortunately that wouldn't prevent a wolf like Tanker from beating him.

Tank may have admitted that Bright is the only vampire they'd ever let beat them, but that was because they had sympathy for him not because he necessarily COULD beat Tank.

"Ow ow! OW! OK OK TIME OUT!"

"Alright, Alright, get up"

Tank let out a few chuckles as they helped him up from the hard, dry forest floor.

"OK, OK you've done good today, you wanna take a break?"

Trying to hide his breathlessness, Bright replied.

"Yeah....that sounds good"

They both sat on the floor, Tanker pulled out a canteen and gave it to Bright.

"Thanks"

He glugged down the water, it had a mild iron taste to it.

As he did, Tanker pulled out a cigarette and a lighter.

Bright noticed this and rolled his eyes.

"I still don't understand why you always do this, you don't smoke! What's the point? You're wasting a perfectly good cigarette!"

Tank just shrugged at this, they always had this same conversation basically every time they saw each other.

"I quit a while ago, but I still like the ritual of it, besides this helps me not smoke, but I know you think that that makes no sense"

"Yeah, cos it doesn't, anyway just give it to me once your done holding it"

"I thought YOU were quitting? And that you took up that push-pop looking, flavoured shit"

"Vapes, and yeah, but I propose the point of, it's not like vampires can die of lung cancer"

Now it was Tank's turn to eye roll

"Just cos somthing won't kill ya doesn't mean it isn't bad for ya"

Hearing this, Bright's mind went to what happened yesterday night.....he felt the scars brush across the fabric of his clothing.

"Y-yeah"

Tanker noticed his sudden change of tone

"OK, what's wrong, you know as well as I do that we only hang out like this if one of us has got a problem we can only share with each other, so have at it, whenever your ready"

Bright sighed and it sounded painful

"K but, I'll be needing that"

He gestured to the rolled up, tobacco filled paper that they held in their two fingers.

"Fine then"

Bright took a drag from it, then felt the confidence to tell Tank about what he did the other night wash into him.

As he explained, he pulled back his sleeve and slowly removed his glove, so as to not rub on the scars that William's healing could not fade.

Tank looked at him with a sympathetic disappointment, though they weren't disappointed in him, they were disappointed with themself for not being there to stop him.

However those thoughts were quickly pushed away by Bright as he reassured Tank that it wasn't somthing they could have stopped him from doing at the time.

He then explained what happened with William and how he had prevented him from burning himself to the bone.

"William? Why would William do something like that? I mean I'm grateful that he did obviously, and you should be too, but why him specifically?"

"Oh! I totally forgot to tell you! Sorry, I probably should have started with that"

"Tell me what?"

"Well...."

Bright took another drag then went on to explain what had been transpiring the last couple of days.

After he'd finished, Tank exasperated heavily as they took it all in.

"So he wants you as his progeny?"

Bright nodded almost sheepishly.

".....do you WANT to be his progeny?"

"......yeah....I think I do"

"Then why didn't you take up the offer right away?"

"Because I....I don't want him to regret it....I don't want him to regret ME. I like him, he's nice to me Tanker and I just....you know I've been passed around by father figures before and William has regretted every progeny he's ever had so....I don't know"

Tank understood, they probably understood better than anyone Bright knew.

"Yeah, so what are you gonna do?"

"I have no idea, I was kinda hoping you'd give me an answer?"

Bright elongated the last words of his sentence and heightened the tone of his voice, implying that what he really ment was

"pleeeessse tell me what to dooo"

Which Tank found amusing.

But would not entertain.

"Nah, sorry kid, you have to make this choice on your own, but I gotta say, what your doing now is good, your taking your time to think about it, your weighing out pros and cons and I'm proud of you for that"

Bright looked almost bashful, but he'd never allow even Tank to see that, so he turned away from them.

Tank responded to this by smiling and turning their head towards him, but he would not face them.

Then an idea struck them, the smile grew wider.

"Hey, you want me to do....the thing"

Bright's head turned just as quickly as expected.

"Y-yeah"

"Cool"

At that Bright turned away again as Tank got up and proceeded to remove layers of their clothing.

A little closer to when they had first met, Bright had confided in Tank that the closest thing he had ever gotten to therapy was an emotional support dog.

He was a bull Terrier named Spike and two months before Bright's turning, he died.

That was the first and only time Fred ever saw Bright cry.

At the time when Bright had told Tank that, they proceeded to shift into their wolf form

And Bright responded by crying for the first time since his turning.

The two huddled together for hours before falling asleep in the woods. Sam eventually found them and berated them both for being out so long but from then on, Tank would be there whenever he needed it.

It was safe to say Bright was a dog person.

Once Tank had shifted, they nudged him so he knew he could turn around.

Bright smiled as he began to stroke them. They got closer and eventually Tank found themself laying down in his crossed legs.

They were significantly larger than him but they managed and eventually

He let it all out.

Tank didn't mind that their fur was wet and smelled like salt from the tears, because they would have killed for somone to have done the same for them when they were a kid like Bright.

The closest thing Tank had to that was....him and while they may joke about Bright being like a mini them, the last think Tank wants is for him to go through what they had to to be where they are today.

This way....Tank could give him the thing they didn't have back then.

Somone they could trust and confide in.

Eventually, after the tears subsided, Bright pushed Tanker out of his lap and got up.

The cigarette he had previously held in his fingers was now burned out and on the dry forest floor, Bright stomped it out and started walking.

Tank, still in wolf form, followed along, grabbing their clothes with their muzzle along the way.

This was how I was, they would have their moment and then Bright would need some time alone, and Tank understood that, so as they walked back to the solaire mansion, Tank kept their distance.

Somthing not even his best friend could understand.

Eventually they made it back.

Bright gave one last look at Tanker before walking up the obnoxiously large hill that led to the solaire Manor.

Tank had to retreat back into the woods in order to go home to her Sam.

So he gave a limp, but filled with gratitude, wave of his hand before Tank trotted into the darkness.

As he staggered up the hill he thought about his decision for the 10000 time.

He knew what his decision was going to be.

Maybe be always knew.

He quickened his pace in order to gain momentum and eventually burst through the doors of the Manor.

Not stopping, he did what he referred to as 'zoomed' up the flights and flights of stairs

To William's office.

Once again, just as he had before

He burst in.

Slightly out of breath.

William looked more startled than before, maybe it was the storm brewing up outside or the fact that he looked like he was just on the phone.

"I'll do it....I'll be your progeny"

Before William could respond, Bright brought his finger in front of him.

"On one condition"

William smiled as he got up from his desk.

"Oh?~ and what might that be?~"

"Can you promise?"

"Promise what exactly?~"

"That you won't regret it?"

William stopped in his tracks as the smile faded from his face.

"You've regretted every progeny you've ever had, and I'm sick of being passed around from person to person, each making promises that they don't intend on keeping, so I'll be your progeny

If you can promise me that you won't regret it.

That you won't regret ME.

Can you do that?"

William thought for a moment, which to Bright, was not a good sign.

He did have a point, thought William.

He HAD regretted every progeny he had ever taken in.

However he regretted alexis because he had embarrassed himself by being a bad judge of character at the time.

He only regretted Vincent because seeing him like his own child was not only a liability but it also compelled him to bend over backwards trying to shelter him from the world that could hurt him.

There was no denying that William sees in Bright what he sees in relation to Vincent.

However he knew he couldn't shelter Bright the way he had Vincent.

Bright has already seen the parts of the world that William would have otherwise kept away from him, most likely even before his turning.

He can't protect him, but he can provide him with everything he needs when he gets hurt.

The smile returned to his face.

"Yes, I can promise you that"

Bright wasn't sure if he believed him.

And he knew damn well he didn't deserve what he was offering to him.

But.

"OK then, shake on it"

William continued in his stride across the room towards Bright.

When he was face to face with him, he shook his outstretched hand.

"I look forward to teaching you Bright eyes~ I'll make arrangements for your coronation during this year's summit~"

"....ok"

William was going to mention that he wouldn't be there but he thought it best to leave that to a better time.

(Sorry this one took so long, I've just been doing other sh*t)

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #redactedverse #redacted fanfic #redacted fic #redacted bright eyes #redacted tank #redacted darlin #redacted william #ok just one more punk progeny won't hurt~

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oddlittlestories · 6 months

Text

Notre Dame Visit

Wrote up a little fic to go with this WIP fanart! This is inspired by @greghatecrimes elaborating on my life changing field trips post, and is currently brought to you by Anya’s prompt re my Halloween fic ask game.

Fic under the cut.

Chase & Thirteen as found family siblings. They're backpacking through Europe. Late s6 AU, probably consistent w/HH:Reprise. Trans masc bi Chase as a treat.

CW: mild travel danger, religious irreverence, religious homophobia reference

“Are you sure? Are you sure you’re sure?” Chase whispered. Not that whispering was gonna help him. She was loud enough for the both of them.

“Yes, we’re fine," Thirteen cackled, "now take the damn photo.” She raised her middle finger to the ceiling of the cathedral. He supposed it was her way of sticking it to all that religious homophobia. They were a hell of a pair to be anywhere near a cathedral—a failed novice divorced bi trans guy with blood on his hands, and a deliberately-irreverent bi woman after House's own heart. But as Thirteen liked to say every time she dragged him into a cathedral, which seemed to be as often as possible, they hadn't spontaneously burst into flames even once.

That said, Chase could just imagine a priest clamping his hand firmly down on his arm… Chase hunched his shoulders, trying desperately to look over his shoulder and take the photo as fast as he could at the same time. Maybe no one would notice. If he could’ve melted into the Notre Dame floor he would have. It was mortifying.

He took the photo and lowered the phone as quickly as he could. Still, it came out pretty cool.

“Okay, let me see,” Thirteen said, scrambling for his iPhone.

“It’s fine,” Chase insisted, trying to tuck the phone back in his jacket pocket.

“I want to be sure! What if it’s blurry?” Thirteen made grabby hands, struggling with him over the device.

“It’s not blurry!” he insisted.

“Then show me!”

“Fine!” Chase heaved a sigh and let her have the phone.

She snickered. “Yeah that’s really good, you were right.” She sent the photo to House before he could even try to stop her. Chase rolled his eyes. As soon as House got it, he’d do what he’d done with the rest: print it out and tape it to the ddx whiteboard. Foreman would text him to complain about how hard it was to ddx “now that it was a scrapbook instead.” Kutner would use the red sharpie he bought to draw horns on Thirteen and Chase in the photos.

It was a group activity, apparently.

Later that night, Chase and Thirteen crammed shoulder to shoulder at the bar of a centuries-old pub. It wasn’t far from the hostel, and around them spilled French and English and a bunch more languages Chase probably could pick out if he tried.

“Mm, this is delicious,” Thirteen said. “Here, try.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice. He leaned in and took a crunchy bite. It was the best toasted cheese on bread Chase had ever had in his life. “Wow,” he mumbled, mouth full.

“I know, right?”

On their walk back to the hostel, the lights of Paris were glittering. It wasn’t nearly as quiet here as it was in rural Spain, and Chase thought they were both dazzled by the city after that. Paris was definitely a tourist town though. They cut down a side street for a shortcut to their hostel.

Thirteen got distracted by something in a shop window. He wasn’t sure what, because by the time he noticed she was just behind him, a guy was cutting between them. He was a street hawker, with “I heart Paris” lanyards hung all up one arm. And he was getting in Chase’s face, trying to grab him.

“Woah, there, buddy,” Chase said. “Hands to yourself.” But the guy would not lay off. He wasn’t sure what to do. He was probably gonna get pickpocketed if he did nothing. Or worse, he thought darkly, noticing how the guy was subtly directing him towards a dark alley.

And suddenly Thirteen was there.

She slipped her arm around Chase’s shoulders and said, “My brother and I have to go now.” It was just surprising enough that she scooped him away from the hawker and out into the busy cross-street.

“Thanks.” His voice was breathless with relief.

“Yeah, I did not like where that was going. You okay?”

Chase patted himself down, trying to ignore the way “brother” was rotating around in his head. Even if it didn't last… He frowned appraisingly. “Yeah. I’m great.”

Thirteen grinned and they headed into the hostel together, where their room with its two twin beds was waiting.

They had it down to a routine now, so it only took a moment for them to change and crawl into bed. Thirteen turned out the light, and Chase pulled his soft blanket up to his chest. In the darkness, it felt safe to say things. He played the word brother over and over in his head. He knew it was true. But how often do you get that kind of thing confirmed? “I’m glad we made this trip. Me and you.”

“Me, too.” Her voice was warm.

It had been a hard year, but right here and right now, Chase was so, so happy.

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sobeksewerrat · 13 days

Text

Okay so- if you saw my aroace chr headcannon list, you probably saw Adam from Hazbin Hotel on there! It's been a while since I have written an essay, but honestly I really wanted to expand on my asexual Adam thought and @kiichu asked me to so here we go ;)

[ Just. Don't expect any actual thoughtful analysis. I am mostly just grasping at straws and projecting because I kin the dude ]

[ Oh yeah and I will reference the Trans Genesis AU a lot. Nope, Stanley and I did not abandon it. Sorry not sorry ]

First things first, let's look at his first appearance in episode 1.

Needless to say, he was a bit of an asshole. But something really stuck out to me.

In one of the scenes, he was recounting a date/one-night-stand he had to Charlie (because of course he was).

He clearly seemed to be describing the dinner date itself in detail, but he literally just caps it off with "and then we fucked, and it was awesome".

This line can be read in a few different ways, depending on your view.

1. They didn't actually fuck, the woman ditched him or didn't exist to begin with and he's lying to seem cooler.

2. It wasn't awesome (*at least for him, but yk could go both ways) and he wasn't about to go into detail about his less-than-stellar sexual encounter (I feel. Really uncomfortable writing this, I am too ace for this shit).

3. The logical explanation of the writers not wanting to include it for rating reasons and because of the episode's already short run time and also because we as the audience don't really need to know that. Though I think that if that were just that, a better alternative would've been that Adam either continues describing the date or starts describing the sex and either Lute or Charlie (or both) stop him.

For my interpretation of the ace Adam, we'll go with the second interpretation.

Allos love pointing out how "asexuals can still date/have sex" but they always neglect one thing: that's not exactly how sex-favourable and sex-neutral aces work.

I can't speak for everybody on the spectrum (especially since I am mostly repulsed), but wanting to have sex doesn't mean you feel sexual attraction.

So yeah this doesn't disprove him being asexual, though I am aiming for a very different interpretation.

Sex-repulsed Adam.

NOW, PLEASE HEAR ME OUT I KNOW I SOUND CRAZY!!

Ace men rarely get any representation, and a lot of men (especially cis men, but trans men too) don't realize they're ace or are actively in denial about it because of this thing called ✨toxic masculinity✨

I don't think it's too much of a hot take to say that Adam clearly falls into a lot of toxic masculinity stuff.

Being literally the first man, the original dick (or the original pussy if we're talking about the tgau), he is probably expected to uphold these harmful beliefs of masculinity or at least thinks he has to to be taken seriously (or be percieved as cis at least-).

Therefore, he's probably is in deep, deep denial of his asexuality and tries to cover it up by, well, sleeping around I guess (*hopefully not with human souls because i don't need any of the implications that come with that).

But that doesn't necessarily mean he enjoyed it, you know.

Now I don't wanna go too deep into this honestly quite depressing line of thought, so to keep it brief that's probably why he wouldn't go into detail about that one night stand- even though he totally seems like the type of guy who would talk about this stuff in excessive and unnecessary detail (can you tell I love torturing this guy. I mean if yk the TGAU you probably already know but shush).

That or because a lot of aces literally cannot talk about sex seriously. It has to be a joke or about an ao3 smut fic.

*ahem* Moving on-

The infamous "Now, I'm going to FUCK you" scene that every Adamsapple shippers love (no hate to Adamsapple shippers btw, except @roryheart fuck you Rory /lh silly (I love you buddy don't take this seriously)).

Just. Just look at his face when Lucifer says it.

It could just be pure confusion, which is quite understandable tbh.

Or we could go with the funny interpretation of Adam being so autistic and ace, he thought for a second that Lucifer was actually hitting on him this whole time and he just didn't notice. Purely because this has actually happened to me before and I wanna project-

Moreover, he looks lowkey disgusted by it and just attacks Lucifer immediately.

Whatever, now we get to the ✨angst potential✨ of ace Adam.

Elaborating on the bit of toxic masculinity from earlier, maybe he thinks that his aversion to stuff like is why both Lilith (and presumably Eve) cheated on him with Lucifer, because he wasn't a real man.

And if we wanna get really depressing, all we have to do is just remember that his only purpose was to have as many children with Eve (and previously Lilith) as possible to populate the Earth.

Yeah, sounds like a total nightmare scenario.

I have a few other ideas, but they're really half baked and not really well put together and stuff- idk I just think ace Adam is a cool idea.

Sorry if this wasn't exactly the essay any of you were looking for but I genuinely just think it'd be fun and kinda interesting to explore really.

Btw gonna make "sobek rants" exclusively for angry rants and gonna repurpose "brainingsewer" for essays and analysis and stuff. Not that anybody really cares about my tagging system.

#brainingsewer #sewer dump #tw sex mention #the only guy in the bible #idk i am just throwing words into the world

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darkcircles4lyfe · 2 years

Text

Why Tiger is kind of a big deal, actually

Folks, I have a headache. I just spent the better part of my day doing research, and having even less fun than I expected while doing it. However, coming out the other end of it, I can say this: Tiger, in terms of representation of trans male characters in manga and anime, is practically an anomaly. And we should all be more aware of the weight that carries, not just because it shows how little representation we have, but also because maybe this says something about Horikoshi. Before I get into that, though, some backstory.

Originally, I wanted to do this as quantitatively as possible, show you how much representation there is, where and when and who it comes from, regardless of how subjectively good or bad it is. Basically all I wanted to say was, “look, there isn't much.” But even I didn’t realize just how bad and messy things were going to turn out to be. I’m not going to show you my spreadsheet because it’s a fucking dumpster fire. For starters, there are a lot more instances of trans female characters, some that could be described as non-binary, genderfluid, or otherwise ambiguous, and very few trans male characters. I ended up with a list of about 20 alleged trans male characters, spanning roughly 40 years of Japanese media. (Not exhaustive, especially because not everything is available in English) Of those, some turned out to be inexplicit/vague/unclear, some were tragic, some were demeaning, some were very minor characters, and some belonged to creators and/or stories with exceptionally problematic aspects. Again I’m not gonna show you my spreadsheet because it got messy and subjective and honestly I was so frustrated I kinda lost my patience. In the end, only one survived as a manga I will definitely be seeking out for substantial, gratifying, therapeutic representation of someone like me. That one manga is Boys Run the Riot, by the way. I wish I could say more about it here, but I haven’t read it yet! Anyway, a few more did survived this filtering process excluding the fact that they’re minor characters, and Tiger was one of them. I want to reiterate how utterly abysmally tiny this pool of characters is. But I swear I still want to have some fun with this post, so let’s talk about Tiger, aka Chatora Yawara.

And what’s more fun than calling out our good buddy Mr. CC on his translating bullshit! Yeah! This all started when I was looking back at ch 72 and I realized something didn’t make sense:

Like, what does this even mean? “Genre?” “Wrong??” I can’t even understand what this statement is referring to exactly, just that it sounds bad. Seems very much like something got lost in translation. I unfortunately can’t really do the work myself, especially without access to the original Japanese, but sometimes I like to try to triangulate with multiple translations put together. Btw though, if you have access to the Japanese versions and can/want to translate, please do reach out to me to either confirm or deny all this. For now, here is a side by side comparison of officials (blue) vs. available fanscans (yellow) for Tiger’s introduction:

It’s subtle, but the officials get things a little more muddled. The most glaring difference is that CC has Aizawa refer to the whole hero team as “these ladies,” which sounds very bad! Idk if the original Japanese has any gendered language to justify translating it to “ladies,” but I’m guessing probably not. My interpretation of what went wrong here is that CC thought Horikoshi wanted to make Tiger being trans part of the joke, playing it for shock value, when really what was meant by “wrong gender” was more like “the only Pussycat who isn’t a woman,” and not “wrong” as in “mutilated woman who thinks she’s a man” (yes, transphobes call us that). After all, how would Deku be able to tell Tiger is trans and be shocked about it anyway? The other comments make a lot more sense with the added translator note in the fanscan as well, letting us know that the whole bit is a reference to Billy Blanks. Hence the “wrong genre.” Basically, all put together, the scene is actually just a joke about Tiger being a hard-ass buff dude instead of a cute, fun little kitty. So yeah, this is all fine. Cannot stress enough how refreshing that is after the research hell I went through today.

Now let me get into what takes Tiger from okay to great in terms of representation. I want to underline the seemingly tiny detail that he is 31 years old and has been a part of his team for 12 years, so since they were 19. That likely means they were all friends in high school and had already been planning to work together for years. Perhaps their friendship even dates back before Tiger came out and started transitioning. I mean, imagine young Yawara happily befriending a group of girls (same bro, same) but being uneasy about the fact that the hero agency Ryuko is dreaming of starting is going to have them all themed as catgirls. Like, if he comes out, will he ruin that dream? But no, he cares enough about them and they care enough about him that it makes no difference whatsoever, and he even has fun going along with the theme too. Seriously, the fact that he has a gender-nonconforming style of hero costume is some next level shit.

The other thing that makes him great is he’s just, there. Doing his thing. No one questions him, acts like he’s a fraud, scandalizes or misgenders him. His being trans at all is only mentioned in a quick note next to his sketch page, which is fine by me tbh. Better that than some dramatic reveal. He also doesn’t have any stereotypical traits. I mean, I guess some trans men being gym rats is kind of a stereotype, but not a bad one? It’s more of an actual thing that we can joke about. A negative portrayal I would expect might emphasize a trans man’s “womanly” body, for example, simultaneously fetishizing and mocking it. If anything the fact that Tiger’s body is very masculine suggests he was designed by someone who knows how medical transition works, and the fact that he happily participates in gender-nonconformity suggests he was designed by someone who understands the complexity and diversity of gender presentation. He’s just ya know, casually and quietly one of the most genuine representations of a trans man in manga ever.

Horikoshi does seem to have a way of making even the most minor characters feel real and complex. But with this there’s more to it than that. Trans men fly under the radar constantly. People don’t know shit about us. They forget we even exist. No cishet man who decides on a whim to make up a random trans male character magically gets it right. So lemme just point at Tiger with every ounce of emphasis I can possibly cram into my finger, and look you in the eye with the war-hardened stare of someone who has seen just about goddamn everything: This. Is. Significant. In a world where trans men get next to zero representation, let alone decent representation, this isn’t just good, it’s suspiciously good. Like Horikoshi Knows Things type of good. I hate to go here, but I don’t know how else to articulate this... like, in my spreadsheet elimination, the only examples that fared as well or better than Tiger were written by actual queer people and/or come from stories with more major queer characters. At the very least this means that for a cishet man, Horikoshi is way more knowledgable of lqbtq+ issues than average, and at most…well, you know what I’m getting at. I will also go ahead and say that a character like Tiger could very well be a sign of Horikoshi testing the waters for other more central queer characters in the future, getting a read on his audience, editors, publisher, etc. and how they react to it.

Regardless, I’m writing this post not to speculate, but because I want y’all to be armed with the confidence to say Horikoshi is on your side, and not the side of the ignorant dudes who think bnha is their personal plaything. I’m tired of those people pissing all over this manga like it’s their turf. You know, the kind of people who tell you bnha is a shounen, which means it’s “for boys,” straight, cisgender boys, and you don’t belong here so you should shut up or go read something else. Please take this post as a reminder that you’re not delusional, you do belong here, and you're in good hands with Horikoshi, whether you’re queer yourself or just enjoy a good queer ship/headcanon.

Anyway have a nice rest of your Pride Month everybody <3

^also enjoy this little exchange with class A, it’s very cute

#this post is a long time coming #I'm entering my no-bullshit-tolerance era #chatora yawara #wild wild pussycats #Tiger #trans character #bnha manga #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bkdk #bakudeku #dkbk #dekubaku #also ps if you've read this far #yes I thought about talking about Magne too #but since I'm not a trans woman I don't want to act like my opinion of her matters much #so I'll just leave it here in case you're wondering #personally I was horrified when she was killed #but that's technically not a crime I guess #she is tragic in much the same way the rest of the main villains are #so it's okay #but y'all deserve better than okay obviously #again it's not really my place #if it’s any consolation #I did see someone suggest Tiger could encounter Magne’s friend at some point #and provide some kind of closure and/or bridge #it’s also possible Hori wanted to do more with Magne but had to cut it due to popularity issues with the villains in general back then #bnha meta #lin speaks

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scenetocause · 1 year

Note

i would love more of this pregnant max if you ever feel so inclined

(nsfw, mpreg, ambiguously trans max)

"I think it's a hangover, buddy. Like, I don't think we can jump to conclusions going on a podcast with Clem has magic fertility powers when there's a pretty clear explanation." Max groans, wishing Lando would stop talking about this. Or at least, do it quieter.

"Mmm," Lando's chewing his nails. "It's just you've been sick a few times and - I don't know, I guess you'd know best but I feel like... it's just a feeling."

"Yeah, Bob. So let me go back to sleep." Max rolls over, grabbing for Lando and shoving him back down into the sheets. "Be nice to me, I'm a delicate man right now."

"I'm gonna be the nicest," Lando promises, hand running over Max's back. "You're, like, honestly. I know we don't really - y'know - but I, you're really important to me."

"Fucking hell," Max snuggles closer, lets Lando scritch his scalp and feels the way Lando's unnatural body heat eases the slight nausea. "I didn't realise you were so jealous of Marcus."

After five months he doesn't exactly start to show, unless you've got your hand in his boxers and there's really only one person that does that but he does realise jeans aren't particularly comfortable anymore, switches over to stealing Lando's joggers. It's odd, he can feel little movements now sometimes, isn't imagining them anymore but his body looks virtually the same, which is kind of a relief.

As is knowing he's more than halfway through it. His silhouette might be unchanged but the swollen ankles and nausea he can do without. And as much as he's constantly telling Lando he's not fucking delicate he is annoyed by how much faster he gets tired, how sensitive he is to sound and lights suddenly, like Lando's fucking baby is transmitting all his weird tics to Max.

But then, it's their baby. Which they're going to have to explain, at some point but for now Max is fine with no one really knowing, only some wry comments about them really being inseparable when Max packs up his stuff (or lets people Lando's paid to pack it) and ships it to the south of France.

Lando is predictably gross about it, sticking his cold fingers under Max's hoodie so he can feel up the not-bump between Max's hipbones. Max has the simultaneously horrible and exciting feeling this isn't going to be the only time Lando manages to do this to him, which is nice because Max wanted kids, plural but also Lando's so into it he feels like he has to be a little bit grumpy about it, get Lando to make it up to him.

He does, with bubble baths and back rubs and letting Max watch his favourite films without a question and then barely taking the piss while Max is crying on him at the end of Notting Hill. By letting Max ride him, the pad of Lando's thumb over his clit, until they both come.

By month seven he does actually have to buy some larger hoodies, to hide it but so long as he keeps his shirt on no one really seems to notice. It just looks like he's getting fat, he guesses, curled half-on-his-side in the McLaren hospitality, waiting for Lando to get out of debrief.

He'd thought it would bother him more, doing this and maybe if it was obvious it would but now it's into the definite phase, a recognisable little human on the scans, he kind of likes it. Knowing his body's made something, brewed up him and Lando into someone new and exciting to meet.

They're gonna be cute, he knows it. Everyone's gonna be disgusted by how cute they are and Lando's gonna get another million Instagram followers.

He's vetoed any name in any way referencing the number four, that's a step too fucking far. As well as finding out the gender, the idea of it makes him squirm in a way he hadn't thought about for a long time. Fortunately Lando seems not to give a fuck about anything other than them both being healthy and also seems to get unstoppably horny every time he sees a scan, has mutated his general obsession with Max's body into a specific fascination with this.

Lando buries his head in Max's chest, pressed close along his side so that Lando's warm abs are against the bump and he must be able to feel them kicking. A DNF is never fun and Max is happy to hold him, hold them all together, feeling Lando's nose digging into his ribs.

Because Lando has stupidly huge hands it only really takes one of them, touch light and delicate, to span most of the bump still. Max figures (if he's honest, is hoping, never keen about pain at the best of times) maybe their baby will take after Lando and be miniature until they're eighteen or so. A long time after Max has had to extract them from his body, at least.

Like he's thinking the same thing, Lando shoves himself further up, rubs his dick, inevitably, against Max's hip and says. "I dunno how you're - do you still want to?"

Max shrugs. "It's supposed to help, apparently."

"Really?" Lando sounds deeply cynical. "I mean, how would that-"

"I don't know, mate. But yeah, not like it's easy for me to reach now and you've been away for like two weeks." He can feel his cheekbones burning but, honestly, it's felt like a long time and a man has needs.

"Oh," Lando wriggles round to be on his knees almost frighteningly fast. "Fuck, yeah, I can - one second."

Logistically it's not totally straightforward, Max having to cant his hips back on a pillow so Lando has more room but otherwise it's as good as ever. Maybe even better than normal, Max ultra-sensitive to where Lando's tongue's lapping at him sloppily.

"You taste," Lando mumbles, before diving back in again and not really finishing his sentence. "It's so good."

"You just love it," Max manages to hiss back, before he stops thinking at all and just enjoys Lando's fingers inside him, tongue on his clit. It's not a surprise, in retrospect, that Max's sloppy approach to birth control of just assuming it wasn't really going to happen got taken apart by Lando's enthusiasm for getting inside him.

They fuck with Max on his hands and knees, Lando's fingers spanning his chest to play with his nipples and Max doesn't know if he really believes jizz helps hurry up labour but he can imagine if anyone's did it'd probably be Lando's. Just his luck to fall in love with the bloke with magic balls or whatever.

He decides not to do it with any fanfare, just switches his PC on, baby in one arm and starts the stream. Waits until there's a thousand or so people on, titles it might be streaming less and takes a deep breath before he switches his camera on.

"Yeah, so." He suddenly can't think what to say, even though he'd gone through it in his head so many times. The whirl of his chat is distracting, trying to catch the words and then Kit wriggles a little bit, jogs him out of the trance.

"Yeah, I've - well, not just me, Bob was involved - had a baby." He glances down the responses. "How long ago? How old does Kit look? Babies are pretty little, though - not long."

"Yes, I'm gonna bring the baby to races. No, just me and him, no girlfriends. Yeah, we live in Monaco now, it's easier for us all. No, we're not married. Not yet. Yeah, the baby's name is Kit."

Right on cue, Kit makes a snuffly little noise and Max is distracted for a second. There's, it turns out, very little quiet as emotionally compelling as looking at the sleepy face of your three-week-old baby and it's honestly pretty embarrassing how much time he spends literally just doing that but it is what it is.

"But yeah, maybe not much streaming for a bit. Got a lot going on, some getting used to it and that. Yeah, Bob's helping - he's been really good, he's at the gym now. No, he's still annoying, just like. He helps."

Max can't stop himself yawning, Kit mirroring it with a soft, babyish noise that makes him melt inside. "Alright, nap time for both of us. Yeah, I'll post baby pictures. Bye chat, love you."

When he turns around, Lando's standing in the doorway. It's not where Max had expected him to be, genuinely thought he'd gone to the gym and he raises an eyebrow at realising Lando's been watching him, instead.

"I missed you." Lando doesn't even look apologetic about it, which is fine because it's Jon he needs to say sorry to, really.

"Alright, buddy." Max stands up, juggling Kit against himself. "You coming for a nap?"

"Yeah." Lando wraps his arms round them both, kisses Max's forehead and then the baby's. "Then I wanna make you dinner and eat you out."

Max rolls his eyes. Of course he fucking does but Lando can actually cook pretty well these days and he's not gonna argue with the other part.

Lando sleeps in his arms, cheek against Max's chest and snoring slightly. Their bodies still fit together perfectly, even after making a third one, snuffling in the crib at the side of the bed.

#emptyhalf fic

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 2 years

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how does thinking that it’s bad to insult other people’s bodies make me uptight lol. stede obviously needs to be more open with ed but it shouldn’t be his responsibility to unload all of his trauma just so his friend doesn’t let this random guy insult him. i’m not saying ed needed to cause a scene, because a “hey man maybe don’t” would have sufficed, rather than putting the responsibility on stede to be gracious about being insulted for something he literally cannot change.

Ok girl... I'm gonna start with the picture this time.

If "hey man maybe don't" would have sufficed for you than why didn't it? He told him to stop. Ed did what you're asking him to do. Why isn't "Would you fucking stop?" good enough for you?

also *clears throat, taps mic*

JACK'S NOT JUST "SOME RANDOM GUY" HE'S ED'S BUDDY

Insults have context. The thing I think makes you uptight is the part where you can't seem to understand how Ed might perceive who's the big gal as innocuous. It's the part where you don't seem to understand that if Jack had said a similar thing to Ed Ed would have insulted him right back and they would have laughed about it and so that's where Ed's brain is at. Not all insults are that deep. Jack probably means it in a mean way, because he's coming into this already not liking Stede because of the circumstances, and Stede takes it in a mean way because he's been bullied, but Ed who doesn't know either of those things assumes he means it in the same way he calls Ed a bastard, which by the way is also something Ed can't control if its true and not something to even be ashamed of if its false, so idk why being called a bastard is so much less bad than being called 'big'. So no I don't think you're uptight because you think it's bad to insult someone's appearance I think you're uptight because you can't seem to imagine a situation in which an insult (yes even one about the dreaded appearance, sacred though I know you think it is) could be playful. Because playful is how Ed is clearly reading the situation. He's wrong, but he has reasons to read it that way that are understandable but you want to take him to task for it because you clearly think that being mean should be off limits. I disagree, I think it depends on the context, but that's because I clearly run in different circles from you.

Now, I wouldn't insult someone's size personally, because I'm skinny and I've never had to navigate situations like a physician telling me to loose weight when I come in for an unrelated reason and denying me health care, or everyone looking down on me and treating me like I'm grotesque (at least not because of my size, I've had that because I am genuinely grotesque <3/j trans and gnc and autistic), and I certainly wouldn't want to pile on more things for a fat person to deal with. But I have insulted by friend's appearances in other ways and they've insulted me right back and we've laughed about it. And maybe once or twice I've done it to a friend of a friend because me and my friend were already in that mode and I was trying to invite them in. I'm not saying that's what's happening here, but you know, it's relevant because I'm pretty sure that's what Ed thinks is happening.

Ed could have probably done a better job preparing Jack and Stede to meet each other if he had known Jack was coming. he could have told Jack "hey Stede's a little sensitive tone it down." and he could have told Stede "Jack's a little rowdy and a bit crass I've told him to tone it down but maybe you could also try not to take it too seriously." and if Jack had been there under other circumstances they might have met in the middle and actually gotten along.

I am absolutely sympathetic to Stede, I think that Stede and Ed should talk about it actually, but this isn't an example of Ed being a huge douche bag it's an example of a simple miscommunication, but you're treating it as if Ed is in the wrong, no one is in the wrong here except maybe Jack. Hope this helps.

#stede anon gate

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cyrusstarchaser · 1 year

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Ok, I just have to tell someone this cause I can't stop thinking of it so sorry every one. Ok, so I have two statics: My ulit group and my savage group. My ulti group is made up of my friends and peers and, because this is FFXIV, is made up mostly of POC and/or queer people. It's actually been ages since I raided in a group that was majority cishet white man, I would wager the last time was Stormblood. Also for non-FFXIV players a static is a raid group, static is just our word for it. Well all that said my current savage group is pretty heavily weighted towards cishetwhitemenness, but, well, that is part of my current problem.

Now, I play FFXIV themed DnD with some people from a past ulti group. One person (who I have never raided with but is friends with some of my friends) heard that I needed a savage group. (The reason I needed a savage group was because my friends had a lot of irl issues so we flew solo for savage and I also had my bottom surgery coming up) ANYWAY, this miqo'te woman was like "Hey Niam, my FC has a casual group that is looking for a phys ranged" and when I talked to them they were ok with me being gone for surgery and also playing with one arm, so I joined up. I'm still with them even though I've healed because A) it's not like I have an open invitation to a better group and B) I mean...it was nice of them to let me join even knowing that I was going to be playing one armed and drugged for months.

Ok, SO: We're playing DnD and the miqo'te woman is asking after the static and I'm trying not say that I am leaving the first chance I get but also sorta making it clear that this will be my one and only tier with them.(literally if this post gets a single like I might start just being all 'dear diary you'll never FUCKING believe this' because these guys are fucking WILD) She brings up the samurai player in the savage static. For context the SAM player has never, to my knowledge, used a mic. Real chatterbox in text, but I've never heard her speak.

So miqo'te woman asks me what I think about that and I say my piece in regards to like, ya know. I can think of a dozen reasons why someone wouldn't use a mic. I've raided with people who had accents or lisps they were ashamed of, I've raided with people mid transition, raided with people with loud families. Hell, the savage static said that the SAM had Tourette Syndrome and I'll be honest: I don't know if they were pulling my leg but...it's not my place to doubt that. The SAM is refereed to as a woman and that's final. ANYWAY, miqo'te woman goes "My partner and I have a rule: If you never speak in discord, then you're a man" and I was so flabbergasted I think the DM sensed it through the mic and tried to change subject at mach speed.

Yall...I'm trans, the miqo'te woman I was talking to is trans and I am like 80% sure her partner is also trans. LIKE??? How you gonna say that? How are YOU gonna say THAT about HER, ya know??? And she's like "Yeah, no, all that stuff you said but like...she's a guy right? Like c'mon" and it's like GURL. Bless my buddy the DM for understanding I was about to go off on this catgirl, bless. Hanging out with those Gamer Boys has CLEARLY rotted this woman's brain I stg This woman out here trying to get me to play Gotcha Gender with her, like I'm gonna be down for that wtf

Anyway this is why I can't socialize cause people will say some real Dumb Shit and then I'll bluescreen.

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newxdiary · 2 years

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--THE MOST REPULSIVE MEN AND WOMEN---

June 25, 2022

Coffee Time: 6:44 pm

Pink Floyd, ANIMALS The Doors, STRANGE DAYS David Bowie, SCARY MONSTERS The Clash, COMBAT ROCK The Cure, SEVENTEEN SECONDS

Today is the day after the overturning of Roe vs Wade. Still such strange feelings about doing the daily things that I must do. Everything feels sickening, either because it’s on topic or because it’s off topic. Everything is needfully serious and unbearable at the same time. It’s hard to sit still

Today is as strange as last night: last night was strange. My first customer was a trans woman who just calmly advised that we burn it all down. I tried to make the point that that was more often than not self-destructive and ineffective, but she just kept repeating herself. I couldn’t blame her, with the iron so hot, rage just makes a lot of sense.

All while driving, people seemed to be airily wandering around. I don’t know if it was a brave smile masking fear, pain, and sorrow, but to me, they seemed like they were all on acid; maybe some of them were.

I kept at it. I got my regular customers, “D” “L” and Frank number 2 and we didn’t’ talk too much about it, except with “D.” He understood the catholic boy mindset. I got through several customers, until I picked up a man named Brandon.

Brandon had a difficult night because he thought his car had been stolen. He looked all over for it, until he remembered that his girlfriend dropped him off at work. Then he went to a buddy’s house and after some more booze, he called a cab and got me. His girlfriend, as I understood, was going to be pissed at him. I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but he was suddenly telling me that he has never voted because he didn’t believe in it. Now I’ve encountered this sort of person many times, but today I am meeting one on the day that something monumental has happened. The overturning of a woman’s right to choose to by the Robert’s court is something that happened because of how people voted.

Of course, Brandon had been drinking, and there was no interjection that I could make to arrest his spiel. He talked about how much it didn’t matter, blah blah blah. I finally was able to make the case that if Al Gore had become President, and if HRC had been elected in 2016, then this decision would never have been made. To this, Brandon said, “It’s all going to be ok.” I said, that’s easy for you to say, you didn’t lose your right to choose to have an abortion.

Then he said the most amazing thing. It’s amazing because it’s utterly predictable. He said, “I’ve never needed an abortion, so I don’t have to have one.“ He then said, Abortion will always be legal in Oregon because it’s legal to have up to 2 grams of crack. Without letting myself get distracted by his bizarre example, I said that if the Republican candidate for governor is elected, she will do everything she can to outlaw abortion here. The logic of what I had said made no traction in this man’s mind, and here I discovered the real essence of white, male privilege. He doesn’t need to comprehend the basic mechanics of politics and the American system of government. He will survive all of its effects anyway. He has the privilege to stay ignorant and conserve his stupidity by avoiding any education of the matter. Why not? He won’t need an abortion. His life won’t be risked by an unwanted pregnancy. He’s a man. He’s not even impacted by forgetting where his car is.

Aside from the stench of this man's thought process, my next customer sat in a wet spot. Apparently, he peed his pants before sitting in my cab.

#diary of the the New Mr. X #diaries #ambitious projects.#people who live and work at night #cab drivers #diary #scotus

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soft-boi-eli · 3 years

Text

Mcyts helping a trans masc after top surgry (part 2)

Tw:swearing, mentions of surgry, softness.

Karl

This sweet ass man.

You are just laying on your bed, well sitting really, when he came in.

He had a fuck ton of balloons. And a large box.

Karl seemed like a child on christmas.

Placing the balloons down he handed you the surprisingly light box.

He was gently bouncing as he waited for you to open it.

It shocked you how it even fit in the box.

It was a huge frog bed.

You realized with a pillow you would be able to sleep in it perfectly.

"I knew it was uncomfortable sleeping like that so I got something that should make it a bit more comfortable."-karl

You loved it.

Sadly you couldnt use it till those drains were out though.

He was right though that was definitely more comfortable then laying on a bed only.

He didnt think it through though. And got sad when he wasn't able to fully cuddle you.

But he found out that he could lay on your lap and legs.

You both enjoyed it.

Also he might be a bit squeamish when it came to your chest drains but he was helpful with them.

He helped you clean them and your wounds, he was very, very gentle.

He didnt want to hurt you.

"You know it's ok to do it a little harder. It wont hurt."-(y/n)

"But I dont want to hurt you. I know this doesn't hurt."-karl.

It was sweet. But got kinda annoying sometimes when he couldnt get something off. But he never got angry or frustrated. Just kept very gentle.

I imagine that when he was cleaning your new scars, Jimmy came to see if you got his balloons and if you doing good.

You two were in the living room bowl of warm soapy water, in a large plastic bowl, and karl gently wiping off all of the crust around the scars.

You fell asleep before karl finished and karl was finishing up when jimmy came in.

"Karl. They're alseep."-jimmy

"Yeah but this needs to be cleaned. It doesn't hurt them."-karl

Jimmy and karl literally just sat there till you woke up.

You thanked jimmy for the balloons and thanked karl for helping you clean those wounds.

Karl didnt mind though. Cause this sweet heart cares for you and just wants you to feel better and feel comfortable.

Quackity

He loves you and all but dont expect him to help with the surgical sight.

He'll do everything for you except clean your wounds and drain those drains.

He loves to hug you and kept you warm.

He would stream but you were always behing the green screen so no one would see you.

"Alex. Can you get me to book I left in the living room. I feel like shit still."-(y/n)

He was very quick to get it. And I mean he bolted out got it and brought it in the span of a minute. He gave you a light kiss on the forehead, and whispered.

"Anything for you mi amoir."-quackity.

You gave him a smile.

"Simp."-(y/n)

He gasped offended and looked at you.

"Well only for you though."-quackity.

I imagine as a get well gift quackity would get you something to remind you of him when he streams.

Large duck push.

He knew that his streams could last a long time so he decided it was best if you had a snuggle buddy to help you stay in position.

If the duck got dirty he was cleaned nearly immediately by quackity.

If the duck falls off the bed quackity gently yeets it onto the bed where you can reach.

He might of gotten jealous of the duck a few times. But he seemed to get over it when you went to hugging him instead. Sadly it wasnt that easy to but still none the less you gave him hugs too.

Dont neglect you quack boi.

He needs hugs like you do.

Give them to him. These are the only times you get cuddles. Other then that he is making food, getting you comfy, and fixing your pillows and shit like that.

He is now a maid.

Not sexually though. He just cleans the house, get you things you need, and makes food.

He is helpful.

Just not with the cleaning process of your wounds. And that's fine. He keeps you comfy and that's all that matters.

Also if your cold in the middle of hot ass summer and asking for more blankets he would look at you crazy. Like what the fuck?

But you have them lightly fluttered over you.

He wants you comfy. Even if that means you looking like your boiling alive in the middle of july.

If your happy he's happy. That's how it goes

Badboyhalo

Badboyhalo?

More like dadboyhalo.

He is not going to let you do anything.

Your surgical incisions? He's cleaning them.

Your drains? He's got you.

Your getting alot of soup and smoothies. He even joins in on your so called diet so you wont get jealous about what he has.

Rat is all over you. Sensing the pain you were having and cuddling you completely. Your laps is almost always taken by rat.

Badboyhalo doesn't really care if rat gets alot of attention by you. He just wants you to be comfortable.

But sometimes he gets sad that he cant fully lay with you.

But he enjoys just sitting with you and talking through the nights you cant really sleep.

He gets you a stuffed cat, you use it mainly as a pillow and sometimes hug it when bad is streaming.

"It reminded me of you when I saw it."-bad

Your heart melted.

He loved your reactions to the little sweet gesters he did. It brought him joy to know you were able to relax and trust him at this moment and time.

You get a free swearing pass. He knows you hurt really bad at times but he lightly says language when on stream.

You understood though. He had kids watching too.

You were grumpy one day, bad took rat because of a rat cam stream. And all you wanted was to be warmed up by something else then a blanket.

You were sittinging there looking at bad as he streamed.

You could technically get up and grab rat but he my tell you not to.

So you quietly patted your lap.

Rat immediately seemed to notice and run over to you, jumping onto the bed and laying in your lap.

You felt accomplished and tired so you fell asleep.

Rat leaving made the chat confused but bad explained that you were healing from a surgery.

Chat wished you a good recovery and told bad to go and comfort you. Even though you were asleep.

He tried to explain it but the donations kept yelling at him.

So he ended stream and laid next to you and rat.

This was comfortable.

Eret

Eret, they were a whole 'nother story.

This fabulous being is like a maid service in one.

They have two outfits they wore when you were upset.

A maid outfit and a butler outfit.

You just got home, you were in pain, sitting up and swaddled in blankets and Goose was trying to smother you at this point.

Eret was streaming and you were sitting there in the background, blankets, pain, and goose exsiting.

You didnt know eret was talking about you because you were falling asleep. Eret nor you expected what their followers did.

Her door was bombarded with packages addressed to you. Decorated with words about getting well soon, that they were proud of you, even some saying you were their rolemodle.

Eret decided to have a stream of you opening them.

Let's just say alot of them were food, candies, even foreign food and drinks. Someone made you a homemade blanket in the trans colors.

Best part about that blanket, it was heated.

You were using it immediately as you were freezing.

Eret just chuckled and rubbed your shoulder as you opened them.

Needless to say they are proud of you, happy that you were one huge step closer to who you were.

All they wanted was your happiness.

Niki

She's a sweetheart.

Need I say more?

Well I will because fuck you I can.

Constant cuddles, be it only her head in your lap, it is almost always happening.

When you have to take your pain meds she is instantly on it, do you want soup or a smoothie? You cant decide? She'll make it a surprise.

If you dont live with her then you're staying with her while you are recovering. She doesn't want you alone when you are in pain.

You'll be bedridden until she thinks you're okay.

If she deems you as not fit for doing something she's on it. Drop you glasses for reading/drawing/writing/typing. You bet your ass as soon as she heard that clack and you groan she's picked it up and it's on your lap.

Also makes sure you're good with streaming.

If you say your good with it that day it's a calm stream. There is no lore happening when you're healing everyone was fine with that due to the fact that niki would have to sit out and the lore was with her as well so that couldn't happen.

Will came to visit...

Saw you, took pity, and now you're stuck with two people showering you in affection and comfort.

You saw Wilbur as a brother. And wilbur saw you as his younger brother. So he literally felt the pain when he saw you wince.

Niki thought it was cute and comforted both of you.

Anyways she saw something before your surgery and decided that you needed it.

It would make you feel better.

It made you laugh.

You regretted laughing but loved the hoodie.

It fit so well and it was beautiful, you also were thinking about buying it one day because you could.

But niki beat you to it.

Wilbur didnt stop laughing.

I mean who blames him.

You literally just Yeeted your tits. And niki got you something that said yeet right on top of it.

It worked perfectly.

Also when niki's not cuddling you zuko is.

End of story, you're seriously stuck with cuddles no matter what. Be it from an animal or a human.

Wilbur wont cuddle you more of give you head pats.

Niki normally streamed with you there with her unless lore stream.

So when the second day after your surgery, she had streamed, and you weren't there her chat started asking questions. Wondering if you were good, if something happened.

That's when you raised from your dead sleep, zuko falling off your stomach, shirtless, just to go grab some sock as your toes felt like they would fall off.

Chat seemed relived but started questioning the binder and all that.

Niki explained that you got top surgery and that you were healing still.

"He's looking like he wants to die right now. Are you sure he's fully okay?"-dono

"Yeah I'm good. Just stubbed my toe as well."-you.

Niki was quick to rush over and help you back to the bed.

"Just sit down I'll get you your water hun."-niki

She was quick to fill your bottle up and place it next to you on the table next ot the bed.

She's such a big help not matter what honestly.

She loves you and will do anything for you.

I am sorry this took so long. Just had a very unstable mental state. Also sorry if they seem oc. I'm once more not on a good mental state and have been trying to work on this.

So yeah if I dont post in a bit I'm so sorry just stressing alot. Insomnia is kicking me so hard.

My grandma broke her foot, she's all good though.

And I have taken up most things in my house as I live with both my mother and grandmother still.

But yeah I apologize for the break just gonna try to let myself get better. It might take a bit. It might be quite short I dont know. I just need to get more sleep.

Eli is very tired now. Bye.

#karl x reader #niki x reader #eret x reader #quackity x reader #badboyhalo x reader #mcyt x reader #mcyt fluff

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flying-elliska · 2 years

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So idk if you still watch 911 but I’m feeling some type of way about it lol. So I’ve always been on the camp that buck and eddie are 100% queer coded but I never really thought the show would take it there because that’s the tale as old as time lol. But it’s never changed the fact that I definitely see a romantic quality to them. More so than other ships in shows that are canon 😂. But one of the peeps in charge basically said something along the lines of: it was never intentional on our part but when it goes out into the world people can interpret it how they want. People will see what they want to see and I’m not gonna tell them they’re wrong. And then she kind of proceeded to justify why people who see buck and Eddie has romantic as wrong 😂😂 what do you feel about them as a pair? I’d thought I’d lost any hope but what she said made me so mad. Not just buddie not being a thing or whatever, but more so what she said felt triggering in the sense that people across time have always told queer people that they read too much into things that aren’t there. When they are! And queer ppl are made to feel like they’re crazy. Idk it’s gotten me down that this shit is still happening. I’m glad that a show like that show you’re now reblogging about a lot exists. Not only pirates but gay ones. Subtle but the context is that they’re into each other. No reading subtext “wrong”. It’s refreshing lol

hello anon ! sorry that you're feeling down, let's see if I can lift your mood with one of my customary rambles lmao

I wasn't impressed with 911's last half season but I will probably catch up at some point. Anyway, I am also a Buddie shipper but I've always tried to keep my expectations low, because I've been there before.

Like, some of my first OTPs were a lot like this, and possibly worse (Destiel/Supernatural or Stucky/Marvel, for instance) - two badass dudes who'd go to hell and back for each other, closer relationship than with any female love interest, high levels of chemistry and subtext, would 100% be seen as romantic if it was a man and a woman, massive queer following writing meta and fic with more depth than canon ever had...and creators who kept insisting again and again and again that it was entirely straight. I got really tired of it, honestly. I know how it feels to get super hyped and to really see it and to end up feeling delusional. It's a waste of emotional and creative energy for me these days, so I'd rather invest in actual canon queer pairings - or keep my expectations very low.

I think it comes down to the same thing : heteronormativity. See, I think the creators are telling the truth - they didn't intend it as romantic. But sometimes stories get away from their writers, they end up writing something they didn't intend ; the question is, are they flexible enough to go with the flow, or are they going to stick to their first idea even though the characters might have evolved beyond it ?

I think there is very much a generational gap here. Most of the showrunners and writers involved in this grew up in the old school world where queer stories were almost inexistant, and the queer stories that did make it were firmly segregated - queer characters existed in this sort of contained ghetto where they were clear stereotypes, doomed to be tragic, evil, unhappy, etc - still at the very best there was always this very clear line between gay and straight people (and simply forget about bi/trans/nb/etc characters). Viewers had to be told right away who was gay and who was straight, otherwise it was uncomfortable. And generally if a character came out it would immediately become their entire story. You had Gay Stories TM - it was a genre in itself. The best version is where the gay character exists to carry a message, teach a lesson, or Provide Good Representation TM - but they still have to be Gay for a Purpose. There is this belief that there is a deep and fundamental division between straight and gay people. There's a reason why the rare bisexual in this model is almost always an evil slut - because they threaten this strict division, so their sexuality has to be attributed to their lack of morals or mental instability. Now, in these more progressive times, a lot of older people want to do better, but I think these writers still have this line in their head that separates gay from straight characters and it's impossible to cross. Even if they're queer themselves.

Meanwhile you have a newer generation of writers and audiences that are getting increasingly used to better, more explicit representation, where queer people are just people with complex stories that are just as rich and diverse, where the queerness is an explicit part of who they are that's not shoved under the rug but not the entirety of who they are either. Boundaries are more fluid, some characters experiment with gender and sexuality and it's less and less of a big deal, some people don't feel a need for boxes. Queer culture is acknowledged, queer identity is uplifted and analyzed in its full richness and nuance, it's part of the humor, there's obvious flirting, joy, playfulness - we delight in queerness, it's not just An Issue TM. A macho macho guy might turn out to be gay after several seasons and it's not considered absurd or weird. There is no longer this belief that that somebody's gayness has to be visible from outer space, or that there is something fundamentally distinct about men and women, or about m/f or m/m or f/f relationships - in fact some people might be neither or both and that's also great. Queerness bleeds into the mainstream instead of just seeking to assimilate. Some characters start out not written as queer but then the writers realize that wait, actually, this character being queer or these two characters being in love might greatly expand the story in incredible ways, so why not seize the opportunity and make queer fans really happy on the way ? And this is also a new language of love in general, based more on equal partnership, intimacy, wonder, mutual respect and support, transformative love, or even in more toxic dynamics, a mutual level of change and impact, etc - rather than an old fashioned thing with the strict gender roles where the dude is the savior/protector/etc and the girl is the prize/damsel in distress.

So, let's go back to the old school generation of writers. Under the heteronormative model, you write m-m and f-m relationships very differently (this is also the logic behind 'men and women can't be friends' - and lazy straight romance that assumes you will see a m/f pairing as romantic simply bc they stare at each other for too long). A m-f set of characters's default is romantic and a m-m pairing is platonic by default. So the same scene - for instance, a charged, long stare - is going to be seen as romantic for the m-f pairing and platonic for the m-m couple. This is what the writers assumed the audience would see. If you want a m-m pairing to be seen as romantic you have to explicitly label it as gay (generally with a lot of angsting, clichés and Lessons etc to signal to your straight audience that this is a Gay Story TM so they can prepare mentally and distance themselves without having to question their assumptions)

But our dear new generation doesn't fucking get that. They think it's absurd, and for good reason. Why should the same gesture be interpreted so differently depending on the gender of the people involved ? So then you have this m/m type of ship. The shippers are going to see the same language generally used in straight romances - heart to hearts, life or death situations, agonized looks, sacrifices for the other, symbolic parallels, commitments, long gazes, teasing, emotional intimacy, etc etc...and read it as also romantic, without the heteronormative lens that prevents the older generation from seeing this potential queerness.

Ok but - what happened in the writing room for us to get there ? Why do old school writers do use those tropes so damn much for their male characters ? Why are so many modern stories centered around 'bromances' ? Well, they're popular, for one. But another thing : homosociality is at the core of traditional masculinity, which is build by excluding anything female/feminine. And yeah, that's kind of gay, actually. But straight people have been raised to ignore that as hard as possible. And to go one further : queerness is one of the pillars of traditional masculinity - but straight people don't see it. Not just because this masculinity constructs itself with queerness as a boundary, as an other of 'what you should not be' (but end up being anyway because the ideal is impossible. under the regime of idealized toxic masculinity any man is always on the edge of falling into queerness. it's a regime of perpetual threat that always needs to be enforced harder and harder. lmaoo gay) Historically a lot of the typical, glorified spaces of masculine socialization and action hero icons - rugged cowboys, sailors, pirates, adventurers, soldiers, etc etc - tended to attract a lot of queer people, and so the same stories that serve to codify ideal masculinity are actually deeply queer in their fabric. Also there has been this tradition of idealizing these deep, 'brotherly' bonds between men, who tended to play a big role in idealized male socialization, as more noble and true and free than the utilitarian relationships between men and women that are limited by the constrained ideal of marriage, reproduction, family and home life. And these supposedly platonic male relationships are ultimately closer to the modern ideal of romantic love based on equality and partnership and emotional intimacy.

So you have your old school writer setting out to write a tough, cool action hero. He needs to get the girl to be cool but he can't get too close or emotionally involved with the girl or see her as an equal, because that's not cool. So any kind of deep relationship by default ends up being with men. Second step, your old school writer is going to use lots of macho very masculine tropes without realizing they're actually pulling on queer culture. One of the text book examples of this is SPN's Dean Winchester, whose creator, Eric Kripke, said he was inspired by Dean Moriarty from the beat novel On the Road. Now, Dean Moriarty is inspired by a real guy, Neal Cassidy, who was bisexual in real life, and there's actually an uncensored version of On the Road that is a lot more explicitly queer. Did Eric Kripke know this ? No, probably not. He pulled from On the Road because he wanted to allude to that sort of drifter, unattached, adventurous masculinity, he wanted that macho glory for his character - without knowing that in real life, a lot of those guys were, obviously queer as hell - makes sense for queer men to congregate at the margins of society, to need that freedom and that wilderness of the road, just as it makes sense for fans to read Dean Winchester, living on the margins, always fighting his demons and that heavy masculinity imposed on him by his father, as queer. The delusional ones here are not the fans ; really the problem, I would say, are the heteronormative blinders and lack of culture of the old school writers. They are using a slowly fading (but still annoyingly persistent) language, that of this willful ignorance that allows the heteronormative illusion to persist, this idea that the relationships between people can be arranged in neat little boxes.

I think when it comes to the 911 writers, they're obviously trying to be more progressive and enlightened than anything SPN ever did, but it's still a mainstream American procedural show, and I think they still have a lot of those old boxes in their heads. I don't think they intended it as queer and yet it's kind of crazy to me nobody realized the gay vibes of Eddie's introduction to the show and his rivalry with Buck at the start lmao like that gym staring scene ???? can you imagine if Eddie or Buck was a woman how that would have been read ? That's some heteronormative blinders right there, damn

And there's a reason why a lot of these controversies tend to happen around pairings of two tough, action hero, hyper-masculine characters. They're the last great bastion of heteronormativity. For a long time intimacy btw men was only shown in the context of death and violence, to mitigate any accusation of softness. Can you imagine how incredibly threatening it would be for your average straight dudebro viewer if this cool action hero guy they identified with turned out to be gay 'out of nowhere' ? (ie, without the usual Gay Story ahead please disidentify warning signs). The 911 writers know this, and they wouldn't risk it because I don't think they have either the guts or the creative leeway. On the other hand they know that the gay reading is popular with another viewer segment that is younger, more queer and female, so they keep playing up the vagueness and the allusions a little, which for me is the more reprehensible aspect of it all. This is how you get queerbaiting.

Anyway, what is my point ? Well, you're not delusional, darling anon. But I would also advise you to guard your heart a little, and maybe feed yourself with more explicitly queer stories, who do deserve your investment more with their courage. But I don't blame you for wanting more from these big mainstream stories that everyone watches on prime time TV. You deserve more, we all do.

I think we need to keep talking about heteronormativity and double standards and old hat narratives. The conversation around these ships frustrate me so much because they often, to me, focus on the wrong things - about what the creators secret intentions are or aren't. I think we should take them at their word when they say they didn't intend to make it queer, and then we should keep talking about how it is, anyway, and if they didn't intend that, that's their problem, not ours. We need to keep talking about the lazy, flimsy straight instalove story lines that are somehow held up as more valid romances than these really intense and intimate connections between men - why ? We also need more super tough macho guys to be revealed to be queer after a whole season at least of them kicking ass (did you see Black Sails yet lmfao best heterobaiting in history)

Now with Buddie I do have to add a caveat - there is this argument that because Buck and Eddie are basically co-parenting Chris, they have to be in love. I don't like that - I deeply believe in the importance of showing more platonic, friendship centered family arrangements and stuff that deviates from the nuclear family ideal, gay or straight. Like, some of my parents' friends basically helped raise me, they weren't in love with my parents lol. That said, this didn't convince me Buddie were not in love either. But my point is, I would find this story of platonic family bonds more interesting and revolutionary if it was actually a man and a woman helping each other raise a child without ever being romantically involved, just as friends. I want more stories that center the importance of friendship too, but I think it should be about m-f dynamics first. It's only fair lmao, because this whole 'they're just friends' thing has been used for way too long to dismantle queer readings of closeness.

#buddie #9-1-1 #911 on fox #heteronormativity #also pls watch our flag means death if you haven't yet #it's balm for the soul #lgbt representation

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moonyswriting · 3 years

Text

Monopoly

Big thank you to @ttylfedora for helping me with this and just writing one of the paragraphs :)

Charcters are by @lumosinlove with minor changes

Requested by an anon on my main blog, i know it took me over a month. But today is the perfect day to post this.

HAPPY TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY! 💕🥳

TW: coming out

They heard a knock and Finn got up from their couch, reluctantly removing himself from his lovers’ embrace to open the door. That only got Logan told hold Leo tighter, wrapping his legs around the taller person’s body, pulling them down so they were pressed together as close as possible.

“Regulus. Hey, man, how’s it going?”, they heard Finn’s voice from the door.

“Good, good. You?”

Finn and him held up easy conversation on their way back to the living room. “Reg!”,when Leo spotted their friend, they couldn’t help the blush that spread onto their cheeks. Yes, of course, he knew about the Cubs’ relationship and had seen them cuddling more often than not, but Leo still felt like it was an intimate moment. It was obvious that Leo tried to move out of Logan’s hug, to sit up on the couch and greet Regulus properly. Their smaller boyfriend had something else in mind. The blond was now sitting upright on the couch with a human koala pressed into their side. Leo didn’t complain.

“Nice flag you got there.”, Regulus noted as a grin split his face, looking from the trans flag the cubs hung up today to his friend, who had a similar expression on their face.

Leo looked up at him and answered smugly, “Thanks. I know.” They still couldn’t believe Logan and Finn had just accepted them so quickly. It was surreal really, thinking about how much time Leo had debated about what to do if they didn’t. But they had. They did. They hugged Logan tighter and looked up at Finn, who practically threw himself on the couch and onto his lovers in the process.

After leaving them to a moment of affection – because he knows they would want that – Regulus cleared his throat. “Leo. We have to go. The reservations are made. We can’t be late.”

It was something Leo had noticed. Reg got extremely anxious at the thought of being late. They didn’t know if it had something to do with his and Sirius strict parents, but he really didn’t need to know. Since they didn’t want their friend to get uncomfortable, the blond tried to get up again, with minimal success.

“Guys, you have to let me go.”, Leo whined, “It’s only for one night. I’ll be back tomorrow.” They turned to Logan, who had a pout on his face, clearly not happy thinking about Leo having a sleepover at Sirius’ and Remus’ place.

“But I need you to cuddle me.”, he whined holding his partner tighter.

“Logan,” Leo wiggled around in their boyfriends embrace to be able to look Logan in the eyes, “You have Finn for tonight and I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” They leaned in closer and added in a quiet voice, “I’ll cuddle with you the whole day. I promise.”

Logan seemed to be debating their offer, only to squeeze their body one last time and then loosen his arms and press a kiss to their nose. “Fine. The whole day.”

They rolled their eyes, but stood up and walked over to Regulus. “Alright. I’ll be back tomorrow. Love you.” Leo turned towards the door and suddenly felt a heavy weight against their back.

“Love you too, Nutter Butter Baby.” Finn said, kissing Leo goodbye.

Logan moving next to them kissing his lover afterwards “Love you. See you tomorrow, Peanut.”

Leo leaned into the kiss, staying tucked into their boyfriends arms for a second, until Regulus fake coughed behind them and they let go.

“Alright Nutter Butter Baby. Can we finally go now?”

Leo turned around, facing their friend with eyes that could kill, but a slight smile on their lips. “Oh, do fuck off.”

The laughter echoed into the staircase as the friends made their ways into town for a round of bowling.

“So.”, Regulus asked picking up a bowling ball from its mount and stepped up to them lane. “Do you know what you want to say?” The ball, as it left his hand, went straight for the side and all the way to the end without hitting a single pin.

Leo swapped places with the other, “No.”, they groaned letting their head fall back for a second. “Is it not weird for you that I’m coming out to your brother before you do?” They both watched the ball hit three of the ten pins, “Ha! I’m in the lead!”, Leo celebrated before sitting back down.

“Okay, first of all”, he carefully selected a ball, “No. For me it’ll just be a spur of the moment thing, I won’t plan it and you’re ready now and he’s your captain. Go for it.” Regulus reassured them and rolled the ball down the line hitting three pins aswell, but waiting for one more to fall at their impact. “And Second.” he started again, “I am in the lead now, bitch.”

Leo laughed and rolled their eyes. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”

They played on for three hours, talking about everything that came to mind and being incredibly glad that they were able to change their shoes again. Leo’s had been a tiny bit too small and Regulus would have been able to fit in his wearing seven pairs of socks.

They arrived in front of Sirius’ and Remus’ place later that night, walking inside, toeing off their shoes and being greeted by the smell of fresh cotton and the sight of the couple sitting at the big table in the middle of the living room. There was a monopoly board on the table and Remus grinned up at them both.

“You up for a game?”, Regulus asked Leo as he got a glass of water for both himself and his friend.

A smile spread onto their face, “Only if you’re up for loosing.”

After a while, Sirius noticed the persistent bounce in Leo’s leg – a bounce he knew well enough to associate with nerves. The first thought that flashed across his mind involved the current game, but Leo was, in general, a good player. Whenever they played, Leo would put on the ‘goalie face’ – intense, focused, but relaxed. He turned to the younger one to get a further read on them. Leo had furrowed their brow and was rolling their bottom lip between their teeth – another two nervous habits Sirius had picked up on from working with Leo near on every day.

“Everything okay, rookie?”, Sirius asked.

Leo’s head snapped up from where they had stared at the board, lost in thought. They laughed stiffly, becoming more and more nervous by the second. It would be fine. They had done this once, they could do it again. Sirius and Remus would be fine with it. Leo was sure they would. Well, almost sure. “Yeah, yeah. I’m wonderful.”, they answered, voice a bit raspy.

“Nothing you want to get off your chest?”, Sirius prompted further, giving Leo the opportunity to talk, but not forcing them.

Leo knew he could see their leg bouncing. It was even moving the water in their glasses, there was no hiding it. They let out a sigh. Now or never. Although the statement was not completely true, it provided them with enough courage to actually spit out what was burning on their tongue. “Could you maybe, possibly refer to me with they/them pronouns from now on?”, Leo’s voice got smaller closer to the end but they were pretty sure both other man had understood.

“Of course, Knutty.” Sirius told him, as if Leo had just asked him to pass over the salt. “Whatever makes you most comfortable. Do you want me to tell the team or do you want to do it?”

That was not what Leo had been expecting. Looking over to the other, Loops just smiled at him and continued to stare daggers at his boyfriend, who had just cost him half his money.

“No. No that’s fine thank you, I’ll tell them.”, Leo told him, the surprise still evident in their voice. “Your support means the world to me.” they added a disbelieving smile on their lips, looking at the couple on the other side of the table.

“Yeah, no worries, buddy. We’ll be here every step of the way.” Remus told Leo, which almost made their eyes tear up. How did they deserve a team like the Lions.

Sirius rolled the dices and landed on one of Regulus’ hotels. “Pay up.”, Reg told him, with a bright grin. It seemed like the younger was going to win.

Sirius just pouted, turning to his boyfriend and started whining. “This is so unfair! I got onto his property five times already.”

Regulus didn’t even look up from where he had been checking what Sirius was due, just simply told him “Their property. Agender. They/them, thank you.”

Sirius didn’t even hesitate, before starting his sentence again. “I got onto their property five times already. Come on, this is cheating.”

Regulus often seemed like they didn’t care, but they flashed Sirius a grateful smile, receiving a loving one and a wink in return.

“Love you.”, Sirius mouthed as Remus continued the game.

Regulus felt it wash over them, warmth spreading through their body. “Love you, too.”

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