#because I view it as a matter of respect as much as anything else
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I often think when people hear "infantilizing a group of people", they think of it literarily that we are actively being made a infant. While this is a part of it, I think people miss the subtle things that end up causing chasms in their relationships with that group of people.
It's actually hard to pinpoint because it's never a singular event, it's many tiny things but the end result is always "I am the authority, I will always know more then you, I will never take your advice, I will never be honest with you (you know to spare *your* feelings), any disagreement is your fault, any problem in your life is my cross to bear and you must follow how I tell you to fix it, I will never stoop myself to understanding what your needs are as X group and will view everything from my own lens and judge you accordingly, we are not equals, and we never will be. (This is not a exhausted list, nor will everyone have all the same traits)
It is very hard to connect with someone who just automatically assumes a higher status to you just because of something you can't change. All the while the offender thinks what they are doing is actually a good thing. They are somehow helping you by just assuming they are better then you (which in the end, that's kinda what this is).
I have a few people in my life that I care for a lot, but they are not that much older then me yet they act like I can't possibly understand them and automatically shove this "child" label on my forhead.
And here is the thing, they will voluntarily bring up why they think this if you pay attention. It might be trauma they've dealt with, it might be that they have kids and you don't, age, or anything else like this. However I think it's important to note that I have friends who do not talk down to me and respect me as my own person with autonomy and also have these things going on in their life. So it's not like it's impossible to treat someone with respect and have these differences.
Now what do some of these subtle differences look like? There are many ways they can materialize but to name a few.
- Demanding the person solves a problem their way despite the person telling them why their circumstances do not allow that.
- assuming...well anything and all the time. These people have a tendency to think they know exactly what you are feeling and other such things and if you try to correct them then they will actually get upset at you or show some type of passive aggressiveness.
-Speaking on your behalf without asking permission
-never valuing your expertise on any subject. They are older/more mature then you, therefore to them they know more about everything. What's really fun (/s) about this is when they will explain to you, why you are wrong, by repeating what you said back at you.
- any reason why you can't do a thing, or why you need an aide is an excuse. You could do it if you *really* wanted to, but you are just being lazy. Now the real adult has to take up your burden.
- they do not/cannot listen to you. No matter what you say or how you say it, or if they even confirm what you say, there is always a part of them that is not listening. Or hell, they could of listened to you, but since what you say isn't important to them, they will quickly forget it and may even try and claim you never said anything to them.
- I'm not sure if this counts as infantilizing, but I notice that it happens a lot in tandem. While they think less of you and treat you like a child whose facts and opinions don't matter, all of this will change at a moment's notice when they need something from you...oddly enough something they probably normally do not take seriously from you on a normal day. Suddenly thrusting you with this burden of taking care of them even though they are never there for you in any meaningful actually helpful way most of the time. Like you will literally be demanded to stop what you are doing, and get over whatever you are going through to help them and their problem. I cannot explain how frustrating it is to be demanded to be the mature one while most of the time being denied respect.
I could go on, but honestly if I sat here and thought of every single tiny thing they do to make sure there is distance between you and them up on their self made pedestals, I'd be here all day.
The worst part on all of this is that I have no idea how to resolve it. People who do this are not inherently bad people, hell they might not even realize they do it. But this can actually make it more difficult to bring to their attention. I have tried many ways and many different times to resolve this, but I haven't been successful yet. Anyone who has corrected themselves were people who just had a little mess up but still obviously viewed me as a person from the start.
These subtle ways someone can dehumanize you, it can cause terrible rifts and of course the other person never understands why (see point above about not listening)
I am writing this as a autistic person, but I know there are others who go through this. Please check the ways you create artificial authority over someone.
Edit: someone reblogged this with hashtags about how we shouldn't do this to children either and I completely agree, I was using the term because it's the one often used to explain these things. Adding the edit cause I have no idea how to respond to the hashtag thing and I think it's a important thing to note.
#actually autistic#autism#disability#neurodiversity#neurodivergent#infantilism#blog#why do people gotta be weird about shit
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Some thoughts on JinMao in The Apothecary Diaries LN (spoilers)
I love how Maomao's love for Jinshi is written in the Light Novel. She's an unreliable narrator and can't put a name on what she feels for a long time and heck, for the most time she doesn't even want to. The beginning of volume 6 showing this perfectly when she didn't want to leave Jinshi's hair stick behind, carried it with her and when she slept, she kept it near her chest because she didn't want to have it anywhere where she could see it. The symbolism *chef kiss* (she doesn't want to face her feelings but also still carries them close to her chest)
She purposely chooses to avoid thinking about any potential feelings for Jinshi and at the end of the same volume it's also stated that she does have some kind of affection for him that she can't yet put into words.
For readers, it's easy to view Maomao's avoidant attitude as disinterest. Even more so paired with how she doesn't seem to ever be nervous around Jinshi. But really, we don't need blushy nervous Maomao to understand what she's feeling. Her feelings come to show everytime she worries about Jinshi's well being and goes out of her way to get him to eat and rest, takes time of her own day to make sure that he's well.
When at the beginning, she always considered him bringing all these tasks to her as bothersome. Maomao just wanted to experiment with poison and make medicine, she didn't want to spend time on anything else, really.
Then, in volume 9 she's even willing to give up her agency if it meant helping ease his burdens.
Maomao, miss "I don't want to have anything to do with this, this is bothersome" tells him to use all of her. Use her until she falls apart. (while kabedoning him, love Maomao being an absolute girlboss even when she tells him to use her)
She's worried by his selflessness. How he's unable to use other people to reach his goals and shoulders everything on his own, wanting to save everyone. Maomao gets upset by it and worries he'd never get anything in return and become as luckless in life as her adoptive father. Who carries the same selflessness and kindness.
I don't think we talk enough about how much it means for Maomao to get to a point where she would rather get used by Jinshi than to see him exhaust himself.
This whole scene afterwards is just..generally really heartwarming honestly.
(Volume 9 Chapter 20)
Her hands went to Jinshi’s cheek. “You’re only human, Master Jinshi. You’re not some mythical immortal who can save everyone.” She held his face in her hands, the fingers of her left hand brushing his scar. “You can be wounded, scarred, brought low. Only human.”
Who was she talking to? She knew Jinshi was standing in front of her, but for some reason she kept seeing Luomen’s face.
No wonder I’m so upset.
The principle that drove Jinshi’s behavior seemed very similar to Luomen’s. She was afraid that if he went on like this, he would end up just as luckless in life as her old man. Just like Pops... He’d spent himself trying to rescue everyone and everything. Like a fool. He should have wanted more, been greedier, but instead he’d suffered his fate patiently.
Suffered and suffered, and for what? To become an old man resigned to his empty hands.
This was, it was fair to say, Maomao’s one criticism of her father. She’d felt it keenly in the affair with the Shaonese shrine maiden. She respected Luomen immensely. A man who never lost his kindness no matter what unhappiness he encountered was like a miracle. The price, though, was that his body and his heart were both battered. In time he became so that everything he did, he did in the expectation of defeat. Would Jinshi end up like him one day? Or—
“Please, please don’t go doing anything else like burning a brand into your skin,” Maomao said.
“I heard you...the first several times,” Jinshi replied.
“Are you sure?” A smile flitted across Maomao’s face, and she slowly pulled her hands away.
#they mean a lot to me#no one gets them the way i do /hj#jinmao#kusuriya no hitorigoto#the apothecary diaries#maomao#jinshi#light novel
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OUR FAMILY ★ CL16
pairing: charles leclerc x no-social!reader
summary: Charles does another update on your relationship, you’re now married but with a bigger family.
note: am i actually posting twice today? yes. also this is a part two to this
charlesleclerc
Liked by sebastianvettel, arthur_leclerc and 3,976,523 others
charlesleclerc A year ago today, my heart became full. All I ever wanted was to become a reality, my beautiful wife told me I was going to be a father. Months later, she gave birth to the most beautiful baby ever. And after a year of craziness, here are some photos of our journey.
First I want to address something: Yes, we have a daughter, but Y/n and I have decided not to expose her for now, her name will remain between our close ones, her face too. I hope you can respect this, and even have a good time trying to guess her name. (No, she’s not called Joris, Perrine, Max, Maxine, or anything like that) (They tried)
Now, I wanted to take a moment to show my love and gratitude for my wife. Y/n, I’m so in love with you, thank you for choosing me to start a family, start this never ending journey. You are the whole universe, the stars, the planets, there’s no one else I would rather share this moments with. Thank you for letting me be me, for listening to me, advocating for me, loving me, for letting me be vulnerable, for being there regardless if there was happiness, sadness, or madness. You made me believe that love truly conquers all things, you made me surrender to love. Thank you for giving me another little person to love. This is our family and it always will be, no matter what.
Finally, my daughter. Mon amour, mon trésor, you have brought light into our lives, our happiness multiplied because of you. And even if you won’t read this because you are months old, I want to express how much you made me fall in love with life. I can’t wait to see you grow, to see you find your path in life, to see you achieve the impossible. I can’t wait to see you make a name of your own. I hope we have until the end of time to live as father and daughter, to share moments together with your mother. We love you, mon amour, I hope I can be enough for you.
Charles Leclerc,
Husband, and father.
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arthur_leclerc I’m officially an uncle, this is amazing.
lorenzotl Yes but are you the best one?
charlesleclerc Oh no
sebastianvettel So happy of you, you’ll be an amazing father! ❤️
charlesleclerc Danke Seb ❤️
alexalbon i’m not crying
charlesleclerc I said the same thing
andferrari007 A little angel
charlesleclerc SHE IS. SHE REALLY IS
mickschumacher She’s so beautiful!! 💙
charlesleclerc Thank you, Mick ❤️❤️
landonorris sometimes i wish i was y/n
danielricciardo lando what 😭
danielricciardo MINI CHARLES
charlesleclerc mini y/n*
joris__trouche she literally is your copy stfu
charlesleclerc ok AGGRESSIVE
lewishamilton Congratulations father Charles!!
charlesleclerc Thank youuuuuuuu ❤️
maxverstappen1 she’s literally called maxine leclerc guys, don’t trust him
pierregasly shut up max she’s obviously not.
maxverstappen1 you’re just jealous
pierregasly i’m just being honest
charlesleclerc can you guys STOP they are going to start believing this is true
joris__trouche That kid is my favorite thing you’ve done
charlesleclerc I have no idea how to feel about this because she is, but I also think that’s supposed to be an insult so ouch ???
"Our Family" Instagram highlights
# “ ࣭⸰ ★ my writings !#charles leclerc#cl16#charles leclerc fanfic#charles leclerc f1#charles leclerc x you#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc fluff#charles leclerc blurb#charles leclerc ferrari#charles leclerc x reader#smau#f1 imagine#formula 1#f1#f1 fic#f1 social media au#formula one#charles leclerc drabble#f1 x you#f1 instagram au#f1 fluff#fluff
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a routine.
Orter Madl x f!reader
Obnoxious, sour, call him whatever you want, Orter Mádl couldn't care less about what people thought of him. You can’t help but wonder if that’s what you find attractive, or if you just have a thing for authoritative, serious-looking jerks (because I do).
Warnings: slight angst? orter is a jerk, hurt (just a bit) with comfort, reader being too nice.
Word count: 3.4k words
Note: again with no sleep, sorry for any spelling mistakes, don't stone me to death. thought about making a part 2 for this, no clue yet let me know what y'all think. (i swear i have never simped for a man that hard before)
definitions at the end, but it doesn't matter if you don't read them so no worries! enjoy-
Indeed, Orter was a man who would sweat for the status quo to be protected. If this man had his name on an alignment chart, the creators would have to make up something like “lawful lawful”. That is how lawful Orter Mádl gets. It didn’t matter to him how people perceived him, or whispered to each other whenever they saw him walk through the large corridors of the Bureau of Magic. Few things mattered to him in fact, but if he had to put them into a list, it would look like this:
Making sure rules and order are respected
Staying undisturbed during working hours (and out of working hours, too)
Not doing anything unnecessary.
He had a very specific routine he followed almost perfectly everyday, and so far, nothing had pushed him to change it. No one had, either, because from an ordinary person’s point of view, Orter was nothing else than a sour workaholic, strict, obnoxious man. Most women (and some men as well) who worked at the Bureau always seemed to look to the ground when crossing his path, while the other ones were too busy gossiping about him being a potential serial killer, since he was “so calm and quiet”. But one (wo)man’s trash is another (wo)man’s treasure and surely enough, you were one hell of a hungry raccoon lady.
You had been working at the Bureau for almost a year now, and since the very first time your eyes had landed on him, you knew he was the one you wanted. And since that day, you were one of the only people who even dared speak to him— if you don’t count the other Divine Visionaries as people (because Kaldo’s… obsession¹ with honey made him a creature, and not a human being, we have to be honest here).
You’d always greet Orter when meeting him in the morning, or wish him to have a nice break time when he’d actually allow himself to take a break, and he would simply greet you back, always giving you the same confused look. Simply seeing him illuminated your days and kept you going through your seemingly unending workload. Yet, as much as you enjoyed these small interactions, the same couldn’t be said about him.
Orter didn’t dislike these despite the way he looked down at you everytime you greeted him. He simply wasn’t used to such… fervour² from any of his other colleagues. You were certainly very passionate, and he had to put in a lot of effort not to just immediately send you away whenever you’d bring him coffee when you had free time or simply try to chat a little when you were to give him a report.
It wasn’t against you or anything specifically, but Orter was a firm believer that saving energy was the move. After all, why bother doing anything that is unnecessary?
Even if it, indeed, was nothing personal, you were pretty much everything he disliked. Noisy, talkative, full of energy, sPEED, and quite naive as well. The embodiment of a child who has been given too much sugar and is now experiencing the zoomies.
And so, like an uninvited grain of sand in his eye, you slithered your way into his daily routine. Each morning, before entering his office, he knew he would encounter you at this specific time of the morning shift, by turning this corner. It happens everyday, and it will happen again today. He knows you get your break at 10:05 am and usually will knock on his office door at exactly 10:11 am to bring him your reports as well as some coffee you grabbed for him.
He knows that in the afternoon, usually between 3:48 pm and 4 pm, you’ll find an excuse— any excuse to bring him some pastries, or any kind of snack with another cup of coffee, but this time a bit more sugary.
He has gotten used to it now, but he still cannot quite understand why you’re spending so much energy on him, and when Orter doesn’t understand something, he gets frustrated. He does not often interact with anyone, and so the fact that people around him might have feelings is completely unbeknownst to him, or so it seems.
...
It’s approximately 4pm on that day and, as usual, you knock on his door. He looks up from his paperwork and just mutters to come in, knowing damn well it’s you. But this time, you’re not bringing any coffee or snacks. You just hand him a report you had written, as usual, and he notes that you look a little nervous.
You patiently wait for him to read through your carefully written report. He gives a nod, not even a word, as usual, and this time, instead of immediately leaving, you decide to speak up.
“Umm..” you start, and you start wondering whether this is a good idea or not. He’s looking at you now, in all of his cold, emotionless expression. “So… would you maybe… like to have your coffee break with me this time…?” you ask, looking away a little bit.
He leans against his chair’s backrest at the suggestion. He could definitely use a break and some coffee right now, but he isn’t sure if he can take the amount of energy you’ll be talking with for the whole duration of your time together.
“With you?” He asks, and you’re unsure if he means this in a mocking way, or if he’s just asking. You shyly nod and he adjusts the position of his glasses a little bit. “I could use a break,” he starts “but I’m not sure I can handle more of your… eagerness to converse³.”
It hurts quite a lot; you knew Orter had always been blunt, but to hear it from his mouth was something else. Were you really bothering him that much? Maybe he didn’t mean it in a bad way? After all, he did have a lot of work, and of course he’d like to free his mind a little bit and enjoy peaceful silence with his afternoon coffee. He quickly takes note of your nervous squirming and your lack of response.
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he finally says after what seemed like an eternity “I don’t want this headache to get any worse.”
A headache. Was this really all you were to him?
“I.. can stay quiet if you’d like me to, but I would really like to have—”
“No, thank you. I’ll have coffee on my own. ” He cuts you off, looking back to his paperwork, probably very oblivious to the fact that he just hurt you deeply. “I don’t understand why you’re so eager to interact with me when all I’m really asking for is to be undisturbed.” Was it personal, or was it because of his lack of human interaction? Well, both meant the same to you, if you really were the only person he interacted with, it was directly against you.
You didn’t know what to say. You wouldn’t give up on him, of course, but your entire personality had just proven to be a nuisance to him, and you weren’t sure how you’d recover from this one. You had been standing for a minute, looking at the ground in front of his desk, before his authoritative voice you loved so much pulled you out of your overthinking.
“Anything else?”
You shake your head ‘no’ and promptly exit his office now. It sounded clear to you that you were a disturbance to him, and it was the complete opposite of what you wanted to be. But again, no matter how bad his rejection felt, you decided you’d be a little more like he wished you’d be: invisible, silent.
You made a mental note to change your behaviour around him and stop being so clingy and noisy all the time, then maybe, if you destroyed this personality of yours he seemed to loathe, maybe he would look at you. Even just once.
...
Orter arrives at the Bureau the next day as usual, and already knows you’ll be just around the corner where he meets you everyday. He gives a sigh and walks around… to find no one. He blinks a few times in surprise, but simply assumes you’ll be somewhere else, ready to greet him…. But there’s no sign of you. Or rather there is one, but it’s only the usual morning coffee you give him, and it’s sitting on his desk inside his office. You, on the other hand, aren’t here.
“Probably a different schedule today.” he thinks and quickly dismisses it to sit at his desk and remove his coat. He takes a few sips of the warm coffee and sighs before diving into his unending paperwork again.
As expected, there is a knock on his door at 10:11 am. He lets you come in and is pleased to see you’re still bringing him some coffee, along with your usual report. You quietly greet him and hand him the papers as you put the tall coffee cup on his desk, and await his review. Again, he gives you a nod and puts the papers back into his drawer, and as he looks up from his paperwork again to listen to your usual morning talk, he’s surprised to see you leave his office without a word.
“Probably has more work today.” he thinks, dismissing the change in your behaviour as the man sinks into his paperwork once more. You, on the other side, are only hoping your efforts aren’t vain. You’ve practised staying silent for a bit and you think you’re nailing it, honestly. All for the sake of the obnoxious, lawful man.
It doesn’t occur to him even once that you might be in emotional pain from his words; he isn’t well versed with other people’s feelings— and probably not his own either. You probably have more work today, and that’s why you’re not as talkative as usual. Or maybe you’re tired. Are you sick?
He stops himself for a second and takes off his glasses to rub his eyes a little; no. No, no. It shouldn’t matter to him whether you are ill or simply tired. He has too much work to do to care about one of his coworkers.
Roughly around 3:50 pm, you knock on his door again, bringing in the usual pastries and sweet coffee. Now, he’s wondering which excuse you found to visit him as he crosses his hands on his desk and looks at you intently.
His eyes on you start to feel uncomfortable. It’s like he’s tearing your soul open and trying to figure out what’s going on in this little skull of yours⁴, and really, it isn’t just an impression. He was expecting you to ask him out again, or talk about the weather, complain about your workload, but none of these words escape your mouth. A simple, polite “have a good afternoon”, and you’re gone immediately.
Your schedule must really be something else for you to quit pestering him about your state of mind like you used to do. But again, he takes a bite of the delicious pastries you brought him, and keeps working in religious silence as he occasionally takes a sip of the sweet coffee you delivered.
Time flies fast, and it’s already evening. You clock out, as one does, and as you walk away from your office, you encounter Orter, who seems to be clocking out at the same time. And this is when the overthinking kicks in. Is he going to think you waited for him? Will he believe it was a mere coincidence? What if he thinks you’re being clingy and annoying for clocking out at the same time?
But your thoughts come to an end as he simply walks away without a word; maybe he just doesn’t care. Right, maybe he just doesn’t care. It probably didn't matter whether you were quiet or talkative, hyper or calm. He probably didn’t care.
...
The next morning, you arrive earlier at the Bureau, as you did yesterday, and fulfil your morning routine: getting a few snacks for yourself, and a tall coffee for Orter. But unfortunately, the cafeteria is a bit more crowded than usual, and you end up exiting it at the same time you usually did.
He encounters you again at the very same corner, and he is now convinced you simply had a rough schedule yesterday, but as he was about to greet you, you simply hand him the coffee and walk away towards your office without a word.
The day goes on like the previous one; you barely exchange any words with him, and he makes no effort to change this. You’re quiet, reserved now, and you just internally pray that he will like you more. This isn’t you, but you will be whoever he wants you to be, if there’s the slightest chance that he will look at you.
What you were completely clueless about was how this little change of yours was affecting him. At first he didn’t think much of it, but he had gotten used to your nonstop talking, to your cheerful voice when you greeted him, and to the very specific hours you’d come to visit him and ask him out or talk about everything and nothing.
Orter was going nuts. The routine he had gotten used to was crumbling for reasons unknown, and he couldn’t understand why, it was beyond his power. The grain of sand in his eye⁵ had become an entire desert, and the frustration was great enough that he could barely focus on his work anymore. Something was missing. He needed to figure it out quickly.
His focus was long gone, and all he could think about was why the usual, cheerful girl who always greeted him with a smile and warm coffee had become so… dull and painfully normal. Had you been sick the whole time? Why did he even care in the first place?
But as much as he disliked admitting it, he had grown quite fond of your behaviour, even though his words had proven to oppose this fact. He needed to make sure of what was lacking in his daily routine now. You were still here, you still brought him coffee everyday, did your job correctly… What could be missing?
His mind was a complete mess and he could not get you out of his head for some reason, which made him even more annoyed. You were such a headache and a nuisance, right? He couldn’t possibly be going insane from the lack of… you?
As usual, at 10:11 am sharp, you visit his office with your daily report and his coffee. This time though, he doesn’t take the papers from your hands and just crosses his legs, looking straight into your eyes. “I would like you to read it out loud for me.”
Read it out? You ask yourself, why couldn’t he read it himself? But again, we are talking about Orter Mádl; this man could tell you to get on all fours and bark, and you would gladly do it without giving it a second thought.
“...right.” You started, a little confused at his sudden request. “The Bureau’s investigation on Magol Castle…”
Your words grew distant to him, but not your voice. He wasn’t listening, he was listening. He felt himself oddly soothed at your tone, for once, as he kept trying to find this missing piece of the jigsaw. But it was as if his focus had returned and he could finally get back to work. As soon as you stopped talking, he extended a hand for you to give him the reports, and you did.
“Good, very good. I’ll read it again later.”
You stood in awe for a second; Orter had just praised you. Your efforts were working, and now you just had to keep going and stay quiet most of the time. You gave a polite nod and walked away from his desk.
“Wait.”
That was it. You were the missing piece. But it made no sense, since you hadn't left, you were still here with him at the very moment... but then why did it feel like you weren't?
You turn around as you hear him speak and you just stand there, waiting for him to keep going. The silence is heavy and it seems like an eternity before he finally speaks up again.
“You’ve been… quiet.” He remarks, his eyes never leaving yours, and you couldn’t tell whether he meant this in a good or a bad way. Of course, his expressions always suggested that everything he said was to be taken in a bad way, but you knew better than to assume anything, especially about Orter Mádl. “Why?” he asks, and there’s an undertone of desperation in his voice. He sounds like he’s at his wit’s end.
At this point, you can’t really do anything else than speak up and tell the truth, can you? So you take a few steps towards his desk and nervously fiddle with the hem of your shirt.
“I… do not wish to be a nuisance or give you a headache.” You simply reply, in all of your honesty, and he looks at you, clueless and distraught now. Was that the reason why you had been silent the entire time? Were you driving him completely crazy because of what he said to you?
He buries his face in his hands and sighs. His glasses were slightly falling from his nose now that his hands were rubbing it entirely. You walk around his desk and gently push his glasses back in place, his state worrying you a little bit. You had never seen him being affected by anything before, so you were a bit confused.
“Are you alright..?” You quietly asked, not daring to touch him too much, lest he’d find you clingy, but the man sighed loudly once again and cleared his throat, his hands crossing against his desk again.
“You are driving me insane, (Y/N).”
You’ve never heard him speak your name before, and it felt… rather nice. You couldn’t tell if his words were meant to be good or bad though, so you only stood next to him and waited for him to speak up again. An uninvited feeling of guilt made its way to your heart and you couldn’t help but feel like all of this was your fault. You only wanted him to look at you, to make his life a little easier… but instead, you had somehow wrecked it.
After what seemed like an eternity, Orter was still dead silent, and you had to do something.
“I… I’m sorry…” you mutter quietly, not fully sure of what you did, but feeling the urge to apologise anyway. His state was more than concerning and you were the cause for it. “I… meant no harm, with whatever I did to you…”
And then something hits him. A feeling he’s probably rarely felt before: guilt. He looks up at you, and you clearly look like you’re holding back your tears as you shamefully look away from him. It takes all of his energy not to get angry— but at himself this time. He was the one who caused this situation, not you.
“It wasn’t your fault, only mine.” He sighed as he took off his glasses and started wiping them to distract himself from your sad expression that was awakening a myriad of new feelings within him. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I… did get quite used to your company. Please, feel free to speak as much as you want.”
He looks up at you, and despite the fact that he still isn’t smiling, his eyes are softer now, his expression is gentler and his voice has lost its authority. He is just asking you to speak to him. It isn’t even an order, he is actually pleading.
You can’t help this slight blush from creeping up to your cheeks as you try to regain your composure. You had gotten praised by Orter today, and he even pleaded with you and apologised? It was clearly your lucky day, so you thought you might as well try your luck. You cleared your throat a little.
“A-hem… so… maybe you… would like to have coffee with me this time?” You ask, timidly.
Orter merely chuckles, still not letting his face sport the ghost of a smile. He simply pushes his glasses up to his nose and stands up, pulling his coat back to his shoulders.
“I would love to.”
¹: this man will cover his sashimi in honey and proclaim it’s still edible.
²: read → insistence.
³: nonstop yapping.
⁴: empty, hollow. Not a single thought behind those eyes— or so he thinks.
⁵: you, sorry.
#orter madl#orter mádl#orter x reader#mashle orter#madl orter#orter madl x reader#mashle x reader#mashle x you#orter madl x you#mashle orter madl#orter mádl x reader#mádl orter#mádl orter x reader
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Thinking about Garrus again and how much I appreciate his character, his development, his search for perspective and how it shapes his relationship with Shepard.
He always wants to do the Right Thing, as in Achieve X Positive End Goal, but the way there is so murky to him. So tough to navigate, to visualize. He likes when it's clear and when it's simple, but it simply never fucking is, so he has to Think It Through. And he simply cannot trust anyone else to do the thinking for him. He can't trust them to value the Right Thing as much as he does. He can't trust them to want it as badly.
and then, ENTER SHEPARD STAGE LEFT, and finally he finds someone that he can trust. With all of it. He can Tell she wants it just as badly, but the difference is, she seems to also have an idea of how to get there.
I've seen people complain that he has no backbone and just agrees with whatever Shepard says, and it's like… they don't get it. He needs someone in his life who he can trust to think things through with him, to meet him where he's at and to engage in good faith. She is the Only person he would ever cede to, the only authority he'll accept, because she has proven herself to care just as much as he cares.
(As a side note, that's also how I view his infamous elevator talks. He's not approaching these conversations closed-mindedly even if his word choice is often lacking or people take offense to his straight-forwardness. As I said, the path is murky for him. He's asking because he genuinely wants to know. He's practically desperate for another point of view. He wants to understand.)
He's the only character who constantly asks Shepard for her opinion on things, on morality issues and approaches and how she'd navigate all the little pitfalls that line the road to Justice. And over the games he recognizes that even this lofty end goal is anything but simple, and it's shaped by how they get there. He doesn't talk these things through with her just to follow her direction like a soldier following orders. Him accepting her response, no matter what it is, is him respecting her so much and believing so much in her true desire for achieving Justice - it's not blanket agreeing with her.
This happens so often in ME3: he'll ask, and she'll respond, and he will accept her answer without judgement, but you never hear him say "you're so right, o my moral compass". He's just mapping the path that's ahead, and he takes her opinion as much into account as his own, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own or that it always aligns with hers. He wants the full picture, and at that point, he is humble enough to know that his opinion is subjective, so he needs more points of view and more intel, and there is none that he values more than Shepard's.
But it's not all for himself. They're both stuck in the same, horrible situation. He's asking her, and in turn she has to think about it and really consider all the pitfalls he's already identified but isn't sure how to approach. He's a safe sounding board for her. They think it through together, her as this unstoppable force towards the Right Thing, him as the one in the sniper's perch who sights the path ahead and calls out to her when there's a wall before she can run head-first into it. In the end, they're two people united in their striving for the same thing, two halves of a well-oiled machine. No Shepard without Vakarian.
#mass effect#garrus vakarian#this applies in literally any context romance or no romance#but i'll tag it anyway#shakarian#fuck I'm just so obsessed with him.#so many people completely misunderstand where he's coming from#and it's a little sad but it's okay because at least Shepard gets it#she always gets him#who's mshep never heard of him btw#milky.txt
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✧･ﾟ:*NSFW Alphabet with Jack Howl*:･ﾟ✧
DNI : minors.
!!Warnings : sub!bottom!Jack, heats, oral, soft sex, size difference, animal instincts (?), shower sex, handjob, sweat(?), male reader.
Riddle <————«« Jack »»————> Ruggie
Sawanaclaw. Jack Howl.
A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex?)
He doesn't get particularly tired, he has a lot more exercise than a few rounds of sex, so he's pretty good. Although if you are tired, then he will do everything for you in fact. Water, shower, food, anything else? It will certainly be in your hands.
B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
I do not think that he is one of those who will highlight something in his partner. It's like he loves you completely and doesn't highlight any parts of you, he just doesn't need to. He loves you all without a trace, completely, every part of you.
The same can be said about him. He will not love something more about himself than anything else. Although he is definitely proud of his muscles
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)
His sperm is released in large enough quantities, I would say more than average. It is thicker than normal and less transparent than normal human.
As for your sperm, he absolutely does not care where you end up. Although he definitely prefers you to cum inside him because it satisfies his animal instincts a little, especially during his heats.
D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
It finds you hot when you are tired after exercising/sports/etc. Like really, you're out of breath, soaked in sweat, and take off your shirt with a heavy sigh of relief that it's over... And if you also have muscles... Damn... The poor boy will have a boner on the spot, lol.
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)
He is not. He is definitely a virgin. It's just, well, I doubt he's ever been interested in it to the point where he'd go and do it with anyone. Although he knows what he's doing, that's for sure.
F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying)
Doggystyle lol. What did you expect? Any self-respecting person imagined themselves fucking someone from Sawanaclaw in this position. Although his tail can sometimes get in the way in this pose, as he begins to wag a lot.
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)
Yes, he is definitely serious. Like... I'm not even going to discuss it.
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)
I don't know, I don't think he takes much care of his hair there, he just cuts it when it gets too long, but he doesn't do anything else. He has a normal pubis with hair, not too much nor too little. And the hair on the carpet is darker than on the drapes, very very darker.
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)
He is a romantic but doesn't want to admit it. He's just shy about it though, but his tail always gives him away.
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
No, he doesn't do it often. Or maybe not at all after your relationship has moved to an intimate level. Why does he need this if there is your dick? Hands? Mouth? Whatever else? You are much better at keeping him satisfied than he is.
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Handjob? I really don't know why. I just like to think that he likes to jerk you off with his strong hands or boobs. Breeding kink. I think I don't have to explain it. Like he's literally a wolf, like a hybrid animal. It is clear that he has something similar. Oh, and of course a kink to the size difference! It doesn't matter which way it works, whether you are above or below it, less or more. It's just nice anyway.
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
Well... I think he likes sex against the wall. It doesn't matter how. You hold him, you press him or he lean on it. He just likes it when you are in the position of a predator, and he is prey from this point of view.
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
In general, the usual degree of excitability, he is excited by things that he likes. Again, you're sweaty and tired, yes. Maybe you wearing tight clothes, he likes to look at your curves.
N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
Of course he wouldn't hurt you, it's a clear no-no for him. Also, he would never share you with anyone in any way.
O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
He loves to give, of course. He loves to give you pleasure and loves to watch you enjoy the pleasure he gives you.
But he definitely loves when you give. Definitely, also, prefers a blowjob than anything else.
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
A fan of something tender and loving, of course. He doesn't want to admit it though, hehe. But when he's in heat, he wants you to fuck him fast so you can be rough with him.
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
No, not a fan of this kind of activity. Although he doesn't mind since he has something in his head (you'll find out later in W). But still, he would prefer a long sex, rather than an act where you will fuck, as if in the last minutes of life.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Well... He... Yes? I guess yes. He's experimental and willing to try just about anything, within reason, if you want it or he wants it. And he is also willing to take some risks and try, although the risks are more difficult to explain, I think he is quite cautious.
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
He lasts a very long time! In the end, he goes in for sports, and every athlete should have endurance training (CrossFit, my love :b ). So... 7-15? Yes, somewhere in this segment.
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Well, I doubt he'll have toys since he'd be embarrassed to buy them, which is funny. But he is absolutely not against them, almost everything that you want, he is ready to try.
U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease)
He's not a fan of teasing. If he starts teasing you, then most likely his animal instincts will take over and he will immediately stop doing it and get down to business. This also applies to teasing on your part. He just might lose some control over himself.
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Fairly quiet 3-4/10. Although still a pleasant, deep, low voice. But it is unlikely to ever become too high and loud. Quiet moans, sighs, maybe whining. No more.
W = Wild Card (Get a random head canon for the character of your choice)
Well... He loves sex in the shower. The way water runs down your naked body while you fuck him/suck him off/finger him/etc gets him too turned on for no apparent reason. His hands instinctively grab at least something and in the end he breaks one of the shelves.
X = X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants, picture or words)
Very muscular, sculpted body! A few training scars, well, because he's a wolf after all. The penis is slightly larger than average, maybe 6-7 inches / 15-17 cm. But it is quite thick in girth due to its knot.
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
It is variable. When he's not in heat it's low, he doesn't want to do it too much, he's not some kind of nymphomaniac after all. He thinks it's too sensual to practice too often. But if he's in heat... I suggest you take a deep breath in and out, buddy.
Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fell asleep afterwards)
If the action was at night, then he will fall asleep almost immediately. Although, if it was in the daytime, he would not fall asleep. But if you want to take a nap with him for a while or just lie around, then he will gladly please you with this.
#seme male reader#top male reader#dom male reader#a!writes.#sub character#sub twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x male reader#twisted wonderland smut#twisted wonderland x reader#jack x male reader#sub jack#jack smut#jack x reader#jack howl x reader#jack howl x male reader#sub jack howl#jack howl smut#twisted wonderland headcanons
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Actually infertile omega!Steve for the WIP ask thing
Y'know what, you're the only person who's asked about this and this has been sitting in my drafts for months and I don't think I'm ever going to develop it past this point, so! I'm just gonna give you the whole thing
Fair warning, I did write this in the midst of an anxiety attack sometime after one in the morning. It's been edited! But that's pretty much the vibe
[CW: ableism, internalized ableism, uh... sexism? is that a thing I need to warn for in omegaverse? I dunno, it pretty closely mirrors real-world misogynistic views, so heads up]
-
Give me omega Steve who genuinely will never be able to have children. Who is tentatively excited after the Upside Down and Vecna and everything to get out from under his parents' influence and stop taking the harsh, heavy-duty suppressants that he was too young to have ever really been on in the first place and to get to actually be who he is. To get to freely express his designation
And instead he finds out that his body is fucked up and he'll never have a normal fertility cycle and he'll never be able to have kids
Give me Steve being told by a shitty, prejudiced doctor that it's basically all his fault for all the damage he's done to his own body over the years - the head injuries, the broken bones, the mysterious flesh wounds. Clearly these things upset the balance of his Delicate Omega Body and that's why his reproductive system is all fucked up (couldn't possibly have been the extended use of those suppressant drugs during his developmental years, oh no)
And Steve isn't exactly devastated at first, but he does feel ashamed. He only admits what's happened to Robin and no one else, and no matter how indignant she gets on his behalf, no matter how hard she tries to push him to get a second opinion, he refuses. He doesn't want to hear how bad he's fucked up from anyone else, thank you very much
The devastation dawns on him later, in stages. It occurs to him slowly what he'll never be able to do, the ways in which he'll always be othered by a society that often still values omegas for their fertility, the way his dream of a big family has been completely shattered
And it occurs to him that he'll never be considered a good mate, damaged in so many ways, unable to even offer children in exchange for whatever other shortcomings he has - which means that as soon as Eddie starts showing interest in him, he has to shut it down as quickly as possible
Because of course Eddie's going to want a family one day, and Steve thinks he'll be a great alpha and a great dad, and he deserves that - he deserves someone who can give him that, who can give him all the things A Good Omega should. So no matter how much Steve wants to be with Eddie, no matter how safe and at ease he feels around him, he can't let Eddie think he's a viable option, and pulls away
And Eddie - well, look, if Steve really doesn't want him, then he'll respect that. He can take no for an answer. But Steve has never really given him a clear no so much as he just started distancing himself. Making himself unavailable, no longer sitting next to Eddie when the whole group hangs out, no longer unconsciously curling into his side on movie nights, just - ghosting, essentially. And that, Eddie will not take
So he confronts Steve; he's not aggressive about it, of course, but he makes it clear that he's not leaving until he gets a straight answer. Tells Steve he's been getting some real mixed signals, and does he want Eddie or not?
Steve says Eddie doesn't want him. Eddie calls bullshit. Of course he wants Steve, he's never wanted anything, anyone, in his life like he wants Steve
But if Steve can look Eddie in the eye and tell him that he doesn't want to be with Eddie, then Eddie will go
And Steve - he's never been a good liar. Not when it comes to feelings. He's never been able to lie about that, so he breaks down and admits the truth, instead: he's a fucked up excuse for an omega, he can't have kids, he doesn't really even know how to do the social shit omegas are supposed to know how to do, so. There. So Eddie shouldn't want him
And Eddie is horrified. Not because Steve is "broken," but because of all the hurt he's taken on over the years, because of the way he seems to think it's all his fault, because he thinks his only worth as a mate is in bearing kids or caring for others. As if anything like that would put Eddie off - as if Steve has nothing else to offer
It's a slow process, after that, getting Steve to accept that he's desirable for who he is and not what he can do
It starts with Robin and Eddie teaming up on Steve and eventually getting him to go to another doctor, a better doctor, who promises Steve that what happened to his system is in no way his fault. It goes on with constant reassurance, which Eddie never minds providing (dramatic little shit honestly loves the opportunity to wax rhapsodic about whatever he loves, which very much includes Steve), with an unconditional acceptance from the rest of the group, with the realization that Steve already has a big family (and multiple children; like, seriously. how did he miss that. Eddie loves to tease him about it)
And eventually, when they're ready, it goes on still with the promise that they can adopt, or consider surrogacy, or just kidnap their friends' pups (Steve laughs at the last one, but Eddie notices that he doesn't say no). There is no right way to do it, no perfect way; as long as Steve just keeps being himself, Eddie will never be disappointed
#jessiedressesup#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#omegaverse#stranger things#I hope it's okay that I kinda just dumped an entire mini fic on you??#also if anyone needs this tagged as anything I missed please let me know#solar wrote#eddiesteve#answers from solar#long post
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DELICATE✰ CHARLES LECLERC.
ii. do you really wanna know where i was april 29th?
— the one where you and him end up in the same room at the same time.
warnings: kind reminder that the pictures are just used for entertainment and don’t describe what the main character is supposed to look like also, there are some f1 inaccuracies but this is fiction so please ignore them thank you❤️ 2k words.
masterlist ✢ next
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softyn it’s so good to see you having fun!!
myaid4nfeels so you’re already on the hunt huh
poppyseeds mother!! suddenly I love fast cars vroom vroom
greenleafss @/priscibby you were right she def has another man
frenziekenzie okay cool but I need you to talk about Aidan I’m a child of divorce.
Baku, Azerbaijan, April 29th.
HERE, here is where you end up when you let your agent say yes to every commercial offer you get no matter how random it is. And one day late, to top things off. Many people are angry at you, and you’re getting an earful as soon as the cameras shut down, but for now all you can do is laugh at terrible jokes, like the lady that you are, pretend to sip the frankly horrendous energy drink your manager keeps handing you, and appear very sorry about your previous absence.
You’re not even supposed to be here, you had no idea signing the stupid contract with Red Elix forced you to come to every sponsor event that they had. Having become the most recent sponsor for Ferrari’s F1 team, the men in charge couldn’t wait to show you off, their most important ambassador. Or their shiniest toy, it's all semantics.
"Come on, the shootout is about to start!" the old man whose name you have already forgotten holds your hand, leading you away from the refreshments table where you're looking something drinkable, preferably with alcohol, although it wouldn't help your jetlag.
You spent the eighteen hours of your flight on a F1 binge, because you weren't about to make a fool of yourself by showing up to a Grand Prix having zero idea of whatever was going on other than the cars going really, really fast. Some things are still mildly confusing, like the point distribution and why on Earth there is a sprint race and then a 'real' race the next day. But you're proud of your ability to retain information, you're an actress after all, there are a hundred scripts loaded into your brain.
"We root for the red cars, sweetheart," the man is still holding your hand and it's starting to feel gross, it's papery and sweaty at the same time. It's like he's talking to a child, ennunciating slowly and clearly, and then pointing at the screen where they take turns to focus on drivers sixteen and fifty-five.
Unsurprisingly, you'd figured as much, you're in the Ferrari Suite, everything is fucking red. A wave of annoyance runs through you, but you're used to men being patronizing, so you just smile and take the chance to slip your hand out of his grip, covering your face coyly. "I'll keep an eye on them!"
He turns around after laughing at your 'cuteness' or stupidity, really. Men love laughing at women, especially those whom they deem to be dumb.
"Could you please, please, get me some water? Not Elix, not anything else, water." you whisper to your manager just as he's made himself comfortable to watch the Sprint Shootout. He sends a resented look your way but still gets up from his chair to get you a closed bottle of water. Walter is being forced to be here as much as you are, at least he doesn’t have a contract that keeps him tied to Elix for every race.
The man from before is talking to you again and you try your best not to shut down and tune him out. He's explaining the rules of the Shootout but you couldn't care less about anything that leaves his mouth, also the cars are already coming out of their respective garage and there's so much noise it doesn't even matter how much he adjusts the volume of his voice.
Charles and Carlos, you have learned their names after an hour of having their enlarged picture stare at you from the main wall of the Suite. Charles ended up in first place and he's starting P1 later and tomorrow. Nice. Carlos is struggling a little, apparently, but seeing how fast these silly cars go and how tight the curves are, you can't blame him.
As soon as the Shootout is over, there is chaos again. You are dragged here, there and back, forced to smile for pictures with strangers who have the audacity to squeeze your waist and whisper in your ear, well, that's definitely worse than having to drink the Red Elix.
There is another rush as both drivers come back for a debrief and to get some rest before the Sprint, they're a blur surrounded by people in red uniforms blabbering instructions, and the shouts of 'good job!' and 'i love you!' that have followed them from the paddock.
"Mr. Schafer…” a boney boy with glasses leans down to talk to the guy that has branded you as his for the evening.
Schafer gives him a dirty look, annoyed by the interruption of his incredibly boring story about how he is a self-made multimillionaire. "What?" he barks.
"They- they said not now," the boy whispers shyly, no, not shyly, scared. "They said the drivers need to focus, but maybe later after the Sprint..."
A can of Elix flies in the air and you look in poorly disguised repugnance at the way it puddles close to your Air Force sneakers. The boy has taken a step back, now visibly shaking and your disgust is redirected to the man that just yelled at him and is throwing a temper tantrum.
"Not right now?!" he continues, face turning purple. "What if I had said 'not right now' when they asked me to give them MY money, huh?!"
"T-they said—"
"I don't care what they said! It's your job to get the pictures of them with the Elix! You're useless!"
Other people are staring at you, including most of the Ferrari Hospitality Team, and it makes you feel embarassed that they have most likely pegged you as similar to Schafer from how inseparable you are.
"Why don't we calm down a bit?" you soothe, forcing yourself to run your hand down his arm and back up. "You know how these pilots are, divas at best."
You don't know either of the guys who have disappeared inside the Suite, and by the looks the Hospitality Team gives you once again, you're certain you are completely mistaken. But you don't care, because the media boy is giving you a grateful look, and although he's still visibly fuming, the money guy has stopped yelling.
"You're right sweetheart," Schafer says patting your hand and taking it back to his arm. "Later, then." he warns the media boy, who takes that as his sign to run away.
────────────
Ferrari is full of hope and celebrations when the Sprint ends, you're once again paraded around but at least it's way more fun this time. You get to be near the podium and witness first-hand whatever rituals they play out. The fun is short-lived though, when you are warned by your manager that Mr. Schafer wants to take you out to dinner tonight, you don't have or want to know more, you know what he wants to achieve.
You walk back to the Suite with your manager, trying your best to avoid Mr. Schafer, who is frantically looking for you. He's missing his arm-candy badly.
Your jetlag has worsened, and you have a terrible headache, plus however much Elix you've drank despite taking the smallest sips possible, is making you nauseous.
You need five minutes to yourself. It's all you ask for. You haven't even been able to get a break in the fucking bathroom. Your manager is constantly yelling, already getting his own frustration out on you for whatever shit the Elix team gave him after you missed the first day of the Grand Prix.
In the midst of the chaos, you slip away. Eager to find a place to breathe and enjoy your own company. Or dissociate, again, semantics.
You find yourself in front of two doors with the numbers sixteen and fifty-five identifying whom they each belong to. They are empty, and you know it because both drivers are still in their debriefing/celebration/whatever else they could be doing that once again, won't allow them to pose for the Elix post-race photos.
You are at a crossroads, you are well aware this are private rooms for a reason, but you also know there isn't anywhere more deserted than these rooms.
Sixteen or fifty-five? Who is least likely to freak out if by any miscalculation on your part they found you here? Well, one of them ended the day on a happier note than the other, so...
You open the door marked with the number sixteen and sigh in relief. Five minutes and that's it. Then you can go back and play dumb to Schafer and beg for you manager to finally take you to the hotel.
There is a miscalculation on your part, and five minutes later, just as you're about to get up and leave (after stealing one bottle of water and a granola bar from Charles' stash) the door opens again, revealing the disheveled driver, holding a small plaque with a number two in one hand and a Pirelli cap in the other. He is far more handsome up close, there isn't a screen or photograph that does him justice, and you've seen plenty of both during the day.
"You are not supposed to be here," is the first thing he says, frowning.
"I know," you feign nonchalance as best you can, although you are embarrassed. "I was leaving."
Charles still wears that confused expression on his face, and it makes you glad it hasn't changed to anger. "What were you doing here?"
"Stealing your refreshments," which is not a lie, as you're still holding both things in one hand, not without struggle.
He's not freaking out, which comes across as strange. How many times has he come to his private room to find a random girl waiting for him?
"Should have taken the Elix," he mutters, throwing the Pirelli cap in the empty part of the couch you had been occupying minutes before. "That thing is disgusting."
You can't help but chortle a laugh. "Glad you think so,"
Awkward silence finally falls in the room, and you know that's the signal for you to exit. You're still invading his privacy and while you're glad he really didn't seem to mind, you don't know how much longer he will be so patient.
"Don't tell anyone you were here, okay?" he calls after you, "Someone might get fired."
You nod but he doesn't see you, already minding his own business in his little private bubble. You're jealous to leave him in a space all to himself.
────────────
It takes an hour to get both drivers and you in the same room for the pictures Elix is dying to get. This is far from ridiculous, but you have a contract and so does Ferrari, so you don't have much of a choice.
"Are you feeling better?" Charles asks, and you think he's talking to his team mate until he clears his throat right in front of you. He's holding the Red Elix, just like the one in his private room.
"Who? Me?" you ask stupidly, and then you take a sip of the Gold Elix in your hand, it's so much worse than the Red.
"Yes, you."
"I'm okay, why?" you're suddenly defensive, this is the second time this guy sees you and he's acting all weird.
"Good," he says and also drinks from his Elix, failing to hide his distaste with a purse from his lips. "This thing is really gross," he whispers, and this time his teammate does join the conversation only by laughing.
Both must be exhausted and yet they're trying to put on a good show for the sponsors.
"I'm sorry about intruding in your room," you lower your voice, squeezing your drink.
Charles shrugs lightly, and drinks again, this time without grimacing. "Sometimes I need five minutes too."
You smile, and it's the first sincere smile you've shown all day.
"My mum likes your movies," he says casually, as someone yells that you need 'just one more picture, please!'
You dread the part where he says something along the lines of "Supercut is the best!" but instead, after he stops the automatic motion of taking the red can to his lips, he adds: "I like Loneliness, it's so depressing."
And you throw your head back to laugh.
─── team principal radio: ❝hello! thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed! i would appreciate to know your thoughts too! ♡❞
#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc imagine#charles leclerc x you#f1 fanfic#f1 fandom#formula 1 imagines#f1 imagines#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#formula 1 fanfic#formula 1 x reader#charles leclerc x female reader#f1 x y/n#f1 x you#f1 fic#charles x reader
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u don’t have to answer this if u don’t want to or u feel u don’t have anything to say on it (obvi) but how do u deal with jealousy and comparison?
i genuinely just like my shit. i love how i look like, i love my stuff, i love where i come from, i love my family and friends, and i appreciate all the circumstances (good and bad) that have led me to be the person i am today. i've done a lot of esteemable things that have bolstered my confidence growing up, like getting an extremely hard degree and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone more than ever before. i treat other people w kindness and respect. i make sure to be a source of support rather than needless negativity. what people think of me (or have) doesn't get under my skin anymore, bc i've already proven my worth to myself. the fact of the matter is, i'll always hold my own opinion of myself higher than i do other people's opinions of me. i'm at a place where i just don't care that much. i've lost the need to correct people on their takes of me a long time ago.
my own happiness is king--everything else is secondary. if i like it, that's enough for me.
i find it pointless to compare myself to somebody else, simply because no two people have been dealt the exact same cards. i wouldn't compare a rose to a lily, so why should i be comparing myself to people who're--no matter who they are, no matter where they're from--never gonna be me? i'm me. the only person i should be comparing myself to is my past self. i am only in competition w myself. that is all.
as for jealousy, viewing people who have things i want as proof of concept has really helped. if another person gets a higher score on a test, i don't get jealous that they outdid me. i just view them as proof that i can get that score if i studied more efficiently. someone else's success isn't a lack of your own--it's just proof you can reach that success, even if the route doesn't look exactly the same, even if it might take longer.
contentment is entirely subjective. i've known wealthy people who're incredibly miserable. i've known people who struggle financially but could not be happier. other people's advantages don't rattle me, bc i don't care about them, bc i'm so eternally grateful for what i already have. i've also never really been that materialistic to begin with, so i've always understood that a person's worth lies in who they are rather than what they own (whether it be things, money, opportunities...). i can say w my whole chest that i wouldn't swap places w the most famous, most rich celebrity there is. i legitimately don't want to. i know that even if i have to work harder for things, i'll have more to say by the end of it all, and that in and of itself is so profound. not to mention the satisfaction from having challenged myself to get there--and i love a good challenge.
i've unleared the idea that i should view other women as competition. life is hard, we all struggle, we'll be living in a man's world for a long time, and it's just not worth the energy. yeah i'm ambitious, but not at the expense of other people. there's enough room for everyone. another woman's achievement doesn't mean less space for mine. we'll all be fine.
w all that said!! there are bad days. no human is just confident all the time, doesn't feel jealous all the time, doesn't compare themself all the time, doesn't let people's opinions get under their skin all the time. don't feel bad for doing it every now and then. it's natural and normal and just part of the human experience. nobody is perfect. just focus on you, view other people as inspiration rather than competition, and compare your progress to nobody else's but your own. it's been a game changer for me :)
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So Wolfgang from Sense8 was a complicated dude because the sheer brutality of the murder of his whole family is pretty terrifying… I mean, his father, his uncle, his cousin and that whole lot.
But the thing is, he is like the Punisher in the fact he kills when he feels he has to. You have to understand, I am more of a Batman/Daredevil/Avatar Aang morality set.
However, Wolfgang only killed these people because they were actual fucking monsters and it was literally a matter of “kill or be killed.” From his dad to his whole fucking family on his father’s side. And he only did it when Felix was almost taken from this earth. So he has a moral code for all of this (when he really just wants to be a master thief and NO MORE).
However, Wolfgang has serious problems with his ability to hurt people without any hesitation and now that I think of it, perhaps the writing is supposed to reflect that. You are SUPPOSED to have major problems with what he did because he did too, which if that is the case, then A+ writing.
And then we get to see who he is outside of all of that and he is really just a protector. But he grew up in Berlin’s gang scene and it is such a backwards culture that when he kills his whole fucking family, the other crime families want to make him king of the fucking city and Wolfgang wants NOTHING to do with it because these motherfuckers don’t seem to get that Wolfgang killed his whole family for the same reason he never engaged in his family’s crime shit directly to begin with - HE WANTS TO BE LEFT ALONE.
And then there is Kala.
He keeps pushing her away but she is the best thing that ever happened to him and with her, his heart is wide open. She is a woman of duty, devotion, faith, science, family, and fierceness. She has everything he doesn’t and yet she is still trapped. She is not her true self, except around him. Sexually, she is selective and he is liberal. Generally, she grew up in a family that does everything the right way and he grew up in a family that does everything the wrong way. Neither one is happy. He liberates her and she brings safety to him. She loves him so much but he sees himself as the monsters he grew up with. He will destroy her like he destroys everything else.
Except he won’t destroy her. She heals him with every touch and look and word and kiss. If anything, she’s the hidden force that might blow everything up because she has all this repressed talent and rage and need for freedom. And he brings that out in her. She makes a bomb for him while he is burning him family to the ground, I mean 🤣
Wolfgang is not a monster. He grew up with monsters who only respond to monstrous things. What he did was extreme, but his family is not his family. They are his enemies. If they were not his blood, it might not be viewed as brutal.
I mean, they took Felix. WHO IS HIS FAMILY.
And Kala grew up with a loving (albeit hyper-traditional) family. And one of the things she does is heal him with the love of her family she has had all her life.
Wolfgang hates what he has to do. He hates that he earns respect of the whole city through killing. He hates that what he is initial skillset in the cluster is killing!
However, he needs to reframe that. He is also good at espionage, thievery, stealth, and strategy. Killing may be part of the skillset, but he can work with Will on repriotizing the mortality of his skillset and he can work with Sun to bring a sense of honor to his fighting style. He doesn’t need to be a monster. He just needs DESPERATELY to get out of the environment where the focus is on the brutality he can demonstrate.
The fact that Wolfgang has a problem with it (even if it in the form of self-loathing) goes to show you he is already ahead of the curb. He just needs to realize it is cultural more than his own nature.
Now go see Kala, Wolfgang. YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS AND YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.
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I feel like I should write this super eloquent answer about what’s happening with the haters nowadays but the main thing I have on my mind is:
“Why so mad bro”
This is basically them:
They only believe MS/AL and DT/GT is a real thing. If you point out anything off about the relationships or criticise one of the women and explain why - you are a sexist.
It doesn’t matter what you say, the moment you criticise - you’re a sexist. It’s just wrong to dislike the two women. You can’t do that, according to them. (You can spew hatred about other women on tumblr though, according to haters).
You can criticise the men, of course, just not their female partners.
Anything to do with MS/DT - a joke. Neil says they are in love? It’s a joke. Michael says he loves David? A joke/he means that platonically. Michael calls David his partner? A joke/platonically. There is an excuse for everything they say. Because they simply cannot be together. They can’t actually be in romantic love. PR? No such thing. Everything celebrities say is the utmost truth - UNLESS a man says anything romantic about another man - then it’s a joke.
It’s the hypocrisy that’s funny. They need to reduce everything they do not like to a joke and yet we are the tinhatters because when Michael says David is his partner and he loves him, and Neil says these two are in love - we say we believe them. So we are meant to believe what they say - but only the part about their female partners. A little selective when it suits them, aren’t they?
This group also rage/hate reads what people they disagree with write. They’re obsessed. They create new accounts when you block them to still have ability to view what you write. They send anon hate. They send “bait” anon hoping for you to give them material to hate over. They copy what we write to send to each other and publish on their blogs to spew venom all over it, and if your words are not “hate-worth” enough, they will twist your words so the hatred grows even more and of course select bits and pieces to share for best effect even if it changes what you said because if loses context. And then they pat each other on the back because they’re just such fantastic good human beings and fans. They believe they have the higher moral ground behaving like this.
Meanwhile you have shippers, not sending hate, not forcing their opinions on anyone, I personally stopped my posts from being rebloggable so they wouldn’t leave this blog (which haters have no respect for either), even keep my posts out of tags and from the beginning told people they can block my tags to never see what I write or just block the blog, I blocked haters before they blocked me, I always open posts for discussions because I don’t say my opinion is the only right one, and I say when I don’t know things, or I am not sure, or that I might be wrong, or I changed my mind - but it’s me who’s the Devil! Not them going after me and others now and working extra hard to see what I write just to spit venom about it.
Because only their story is right and everyone who believes them is right and everyone else is a sexist tinhatter who deserves hate and humiliation.
But what’s new? When fandoms didn’t have sheep behaviour? When fandoms didn’t have groups of people only out there to spew hate about anyone who thought differently? When these people didn’t reduce people who thought differently to “tinhatters” and *insert other insults* and tried to humiliate them into silence and oh there’s only like ten shippers anyway - who cares - oh, well, apparently YOU CARE haters. Maybe you should ask yourself why it bothers you so much that more and more people speak up if it’s apparently all just wrong so who cares. And yet you do. Maybe you should ask yourself why you want to ship but you cover yourself with “it’s just a joke and shippers are sick” because you’re scared of the people you associate with.
It’s always been like this. That’s the world we live in.
Maybe they should find better things to masturbate to but I’m glad my content is that good.
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any tips for starting out when working with deities?
Hi, friend! Thank you for the ask, and sorry for the late reply. I've posted tips for beginners many times in the past, most of which you can find via links in this post. But now, since we're talking about working with deities more specifically, I'll list a few quick tips in a point form!
The golden rule to deity work, in my opinion, is respect. Everyone interacts with their deities with varying amounts of familiarity, but one quality always remains no matter the worshipper, and that is respect. But that goes without saying, right? 'Treat others how you want to be treated' makes no exceptions, even with non-human entities.
To me, the first step to respecting a deity is acknowledging their depth and multi-faceted nature. Mythological sources may describe this or that deity as the 'God of this or that', but in the context of religion, they are much more. The believer views the God as more than a mythological figure, but as a complex existing being.
For this reason, another tip I'll give is to get to know them. Learn as much as you can about them, and never stop learning. Not only about the deity/deities themselves, but also (and I think it's crucial not to neglect this!) about the cultural context in which they were first worshipped. I can't stress enough how big of a difference this makes when it comes to understanding a God. If you're interested, I've linked here a few of my favorite sources pertaining to nordic cultures, religions and history!
To me, offerings are not transactional. That is just my own belief, of course, but I don't adhere to the idea that 'one must give to the Gods in order to earn blessings and vice versa'. Paganism is not a trade market, but rather a way to experience spirituality. I believe in making offerings when you can, if you can, as a gesture of gratitude and not as a way to somehow 'earn blessings'. As a pagan, you do not "owe" anything to the Gods they do not "owe" you anything either.
Do not be afraid to simply spend time with them. While we may not always feel their presence, you can have faith in the fact that they watch over you. And for this reason, it's perfectly okay for you to sit down at your altar, or in the outdoors, to simply talk to them, symbolically sharing a drink/meal, telling them of your troubles or of how they inspire you. Developing this habit can help make you feel connected to a deity, even on a tight schedule, or during times when you feel disconnected from your spirituality.
In the same vein, it can be fulfilling and fun for you to dedicate certain activities to a deity of your choice! For example, practicing your instrument in honor of Bragi, or hiking in honor of Jörð, etc... What's more, whenever you dedicate an activity to a deity, you can invite them to partake in it, as I've described in this previous post!
Start to notice what things in your life reminds you of them. Maybe a certain smell? Or a song? What animals, meals, stories of else bring this deity to mind? Either because of the similar feeling they instill in you, or because you think this or that deity might enjoy them.
As a beginner, you needn't feel bad about how many deities you work with, or which deities you reach out to (so long as they are not part of a closed practice). I've always thought it weird how in some books centered around witchcraft, they'll rank deities in order of 'how experienced you need to be to reach out to them'. If you want my own honest opinion, anyone is free to reach out to any deity. No God is more difficult to work with than others. It all comes down to the individual, their values and the way they choose to work with the deity in question. I'm also not a big fan of such sources encouraging calling out to a deity during a ritual/spell like they're a tool for a magical working, if the practionner doesn't plan to really get to know them. But that's a topic for another day.
It can be greatly fulfilling as well to simply ponder a deity from time to time. What do they teach you? What can you learn from their example? What do they represent in your life? I listed in this post a few ideas of questions to ask yourself in order to better understand a deity and their presence in your life.
Take it step by step, day by day, and don't feel bad if you think you've made a mistake. We are all constantly learning. The Gods know we are human, and they reflect us in that way: they themselves have their strengths and weaknesses.
I hope this helps, but please do keep in mind that these are all my personal views on paganism, and that not every practionner will resonate with them. In any case, don't hesitate to ask if you have any other question(s) regarding practice or belief in the nordic path. Have a good day, my friend.
#personal#ask#asks#norse paganism#heathenry#spirituality#norse gods#paganism#polytheism#deity work#deities#norse polytheism
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drives me nuts when people treat jin guangyao or wei wuxian like they're socialist revolutionaries like no! they're not!! in fact their respective roles in society and complacency regarding its hierarchies is why ANY of the story even happens to begin with!!!
jin guangyao doesn't hold bitterness just because he was born lower class. he is bitter because others deride him and his prostitute mother in spite of both their intelligence, skills, and efforts to climb the ladder.
why do you think we were shown scenes of other prostitutes in the brothel deriding meng shi for being literate, for "trying" so hard? why do you think we were shown scenes of anxin taunting meng yao and throwing shit at him because he was trying to learn cultivation at his mother's behest?
why do you think jin guangyao arranged for the arson of that brothel, burned to the ground with everyone except sisi inside? that's not the behavior of someone who believes in true equality and the inherent worth of sex workers as human beings!
that's the behavior of someone who thinks he's better than them. the behavior of a man who already came up on top through political games and war crimes, backstabbing and spying for the sake of the "greater good".
i won't rehash his argument to nie mingjue that he didn't have a choice-- he had some choice, but no matter what he does his class will come up and people will always assume the worst and try to hurt him for it, which forces his hand to do whatever will protect him best (hence 'no choice').
jin guangyao did everything he could to secure his own safety and a place among those already higher up. and by that point, he'd won it.
the fact that the temple rebuilt on the brothel site is to guanyin, the goddess of mercy, is even more ironic! the fact that jin guangyao has the goddess's statue carved to look like his own mother is proof that he viewed both her and himself as higher than them. more worthy than them.
of course he cared about the general welfare of others (read: the watchtowers). but consider also that there is no watchtower near yi city, which ended up being one of xue yang's playgrounds. jin guangyao can and will turn a blind eye to certain sufferings if it is convenient to him.
sure, jin guangyao made undeniable contributions to cultivation society and accessibility, but he is not at any point trying to topple existing class structures. his adherence to them is in fact integral to his own downfall in the end.
it brings with it the inevitability of society conveniently ignoring his triumphs and genuine moments of humanity to deride him once more as an evil, disgusting son of a whore once his crimes come to light.
now for wei wuxian. he's the righteous protagonist of the story and he doesn't give a fuck what society thinks, yes, but he wasn't out there trying to cause an uprising so that all the poor servant classes and lower could become cultivators. he wasn't trying to redistribute wealth or insinuate that those who are lower deserve to be viewed as equal to the gentry.
the most critical and non-explicitly stated fact of mo dao zu shi is that wei wuxian has always been resigned to his position in the social hierarchy.
his unreliable narration, especially regarding his own past and thoughts, is so damn important. he doesn't EVER tell the reader directly that people treated him any which way at their leisure because of his parents' differing social classes.
no. instead we are shown how much prestige he is afforded as cangse-sanren's son-- reputation as a talented and charming young cultivator, made head disciple of Yunmeng Jiang-- and how little respect he is given in the same breath, as the son of servant wei changze.
the way he is treated by others is as fickle as the wind. if he obeys and does as told, there is no reward. of course he did that, that was the expectation to start with! if he does anything even slightly inconvenient, there is a punishment. of course he has no manners, what else would you expect from an ungrateful son of a servant?
wei wuxian's righteousness is not a matter of adhering to principles he was explicitly taught, the way nie mingjue values honor or the way jiang cheng always tries to prove himself. wei wuxian does the right thing regardless of what the consequences are to him because his good deeds are always downplayed and his bad deeds are always singled out, no matter who or how many people were doing it with him.
he has faced this double standard since childhood. there are points in the novel where it's clear that this sticks out to wei wuxian, but does he ever fight back against that view of himself? does he EVER, at any point in the story, explain his actions and choices to jianghu society and try to debate or appeal to their sense of reason?
no. because he knows, at his very core, that any explicit deviation from their interests whatsoever will be punished.
slaughtering thousands of people is fine when they want him to do it, and when the alternative is unjust torture, re-education camps, and encroachment upon other sects' lands.
slaughtering thousands of people who are trying to paint him as evil for not going along with their genocidal plans, however, is punished.
wei wuxian knows his acceptance among the higher classes is superficial and unsteady. from the age of 10, when jiang fengmian took him in, he knew subconsciously that he could be kicked out at any time.
he knows that cultivation society doesn't care about war crimes and concentration camps and mistreatment of the remaining wen survivors of the sunshot campaign. but the right thing to do now that they aren't at wartime is to help them, plus they'd punish him either way for it, so he will.
in this regard wei wuxian is more self-aware of his position than jin guangyao. he does care about common people and he does try his best to help them as an individual. even if that ends up with him disabled, arrested, targeted in sieges, or dead.
but is he revolutionary? in the full equality, fight the establishment, rewrite laws, change social structures and people's perceptions of class sense?
no. no. he isn't.
now my knowledge of chinese society and history is fairly limited to my hindu diaspora upbringing and our shared cultural similarities ... but speaking to what i absolutely know us true, adherence to one's social class is expected.
this is rigid. efforts and merits might bring you some level of mobility, but in the end, the circumstances of your birth will always be scrutinized first, and your behavior compared to the stereotypes of where and how you originate.
mdzs is not about revolution, and none of its characters are able to truly change its society. there is no grand "maybe cutsleeves aren't inherently bad" or "i'm sorry for persecuting you and believing hearsay, you were truly a good person all along!" at the finale.
people ignore history and repeat it again with the next batch of ugly gossip and rumors.
wei wuxian, lan wangji, and luo qingyang find peace only by distancing themselves from cultivation society and its opinions.
jin guangyao and wei wuxian both cannot ever escape from others' perception of their origins and actions. regardless of their personal beliefs, they are not revolutionaries.
#keri chats#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#long post#mdzs spoilers#wei wuxian#jin guangyao#mdzs meta#the untamed#cql#i know it's funny or fanon to call them commies but it's so deeply fucking important to me that ppl understand they CANONICALLY are NOT#AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#this is messy and unedited and rather surface level but again if you read this post i love you lmao#wwx did the right thing in the xuanwu cave by helping mianmian and fighting back against wen chao BUT he was punished for it#through wang lingjiao's visit insisting he be whipped for it + the fall of lotus pier#like if wwx'll be punished either way ofc he'll do the righteous thing. but he is undeniably resigned to the fact that they won't change#wwx doesnt TRY to change THEM. he just does what he wants & believes is right himself#big difference & while jgy is often easy to clear up i still see so many people say that wwx is different and im like. YES but also GOD NO
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these recent episodes in particular have been so endlessly heartbreaking and fascinating regarding not only how logan's abuse has manifested differently in each roy but also how the forms the abuse took as well as logan's motivation/emotion behind it varied so greatly from kid to kid. each kid is uniquely damaged, both because they're different individuals and also because the treatment they experienced wasn't uniform at all. i think kendall and shiv received the most similar treatment, just with variations based on their identities as Golden Boy and Woman (Derogatory) respectively -- i think logan's approach towards both of them was rooted in his desire for them to 'reach their full potential' in his eyes (which, again, probably means different things depending on what genitalia they have). connor, meanwhile, was subject to pure neglect. but despite the differences in the abuse experienced by kendall, shiv, and connor, one thing holds true for all of them: each one of them is obsessed with independence, be that through rebellion or self-sufficiency. they convince themselves they're over it, over needing dad's love, because they're their own people now, so everyone else can suck it. they're lying, of course, but they're trying to believe it so hard it's painful.
and then there's roman, whose abuse at logan's hands has had the opposite effect: it's nearly impossible for him to even conceive of himself as a real person with agency and value. while logan's 'tough love,' as he'd call it (although most psychologists would call it 'abuse'), towards ken and shiv was motivated by his desire to actually make them live up to their potential, and to increase their value by instilling (what he viewed as) 'positive qualities' into them, logan's 'tough love' for roman was motivated by his desire to beat the wrongness out of him. rather than trying to add anything positive or bring out the best in roman, logan's priority when dealing with roman was trying to get rid of (what he viewed as) the 'negative qualities' inherent within him. and when he couldn't, he sent him away to military school. ken and shiv were taught to live up to their respective potentials, connor had to teach himself how to live because no one else did it for him, but roman wasn't taught anything -- he was only taught how not to be. because while the others were lacking qualities logan desired, roman was innately, uniquely, entirely wrong. it wasn't a matter of making roman into the man logan wanted him to be so much as it was unmaking roman into something logan could look at without feeling sick. because roman is abnormal, unforgivably so. he's broken, fucked up. he's not made right. real people, normal people, don't act like this, feel like this. everyone else is a person and he isn't, so he doesn't count, not really. while logan shaped the identities of kendall, shiv, and even connor, all he did for roman was convince him that he's not enough of a person to have one, that all he is and all he'll ever be is Wrong.
(this got really long so the rest is under the cut!)
why did logan treat each of his children like he did, like he does?
logan manipulated kendall and shiv and tested them again and again because he saw potential in them and wanted them to prove their worth -- so, he constantly oscillated between showing them love and withholding it, hinting at acceptance before cruelly whisking it away. we see in the present that this incessant game of keep away has resulted in violent, emotional oscillation for shiv and ken, in that they are similarly constantly ping-ponging between two poles, depending on how logan treated them last. they only have two states of being: a desperate desire to win logan's approval, and a burning anger that can only be quelled by 'destroying' him entirely. right now, obviously, they're obsessively in that latter mindset, and even though they try to say it's not about logan, it sounds hollow even to themselves. then there's logan's neglect of connor -- i guess he never really saw connor as a true son, never really cared enough to love or hate him, which resulted in the connor we saw insisting he's able to subsist without love a la 4x02. connor's experience is also unique, as he's the only kid whose daddy issues stem not from logan's presence in his life but his absence from it. it's pretty opposite from shiv and kendall's experience, but clearly no healthier or easier to heal from. then there's roman, the disappointment. he's not a disappointment in the way that shiv and ken end up being, because logan didn't expect anything good from roman anyways. he's a disappointment from the get-go, before he even had the chance to become anyone -- we're told time and time again that logan's relationship with roman has always been defined been his conviction that there's something inherently wrong in his son. we don't know the origin of logan's disgust for roman, but it's not hard to imagine it has something to do with his deeply misogynistic beliefs and the fact that roman is not exactly what one thinks of when they try to picture Masculinity. he cares deeply, loves fully, and logan cannot stand it. shiv might be his daughter, but roman, roman's the girl, and somehow that's even worse than if shiv were. this distaste only strengthens as time goes on -- most of roman's issues stem from that distaste to begin with, so for a long time it's just a seemingly endless cycle of roman becoming 'worse' and logan despising him all the more for it, which, of course, leads to roman becoming even 'worse' and so on and so on. logan will never respect or like roman, will never choose him, because he thinks something is deeply, deeply wrong with him. logan's disgusted by him and uniquely cruel because of it; after all, there's a reason roman was the only one he ever hit.
this idea -- that there’s something uniquely and inherently wrong with roman, that he’s not a person the same way his siblings are, that he never has been or will be -- this exact thought is both roman's biggest fear and his strongest held belief, and the only reason that thought even exists in the first place is because logan made it the fuck up. obviously, it's not true; there's no such thing as Being Inherently Wrong And Bad, especially not for, what, showing emotion and loving your family? roman is not inherently wrong, inherently abnormal, but at this point he's so deeply convinced he is that it doesn't matter (and at this point, he's got enough issues to fill up an entire edition of the DSM, but that's due to trauma and abuse rather than some innate internal failing of his). roman desperately doesn’t want it to be true, desperately hopes no one else sees that in him, but he strongly strongly believes that everyone does anyways, and that's terrifying. that's why he's flippant, devil-may-care -- so what if i'm wrong? i don't care. fuck you. that’s why roman had such a strong reaction to kendall telling him point-blank “you’re not a real person” in ‘Too Much Birthday;’ whether or not kendall intended it to be, it was quite possibly the hardest-hitting thing he could've said at that moment. roman was on a high, albeit a painfully transparent one, and that comment brought him right back to earth — it doesn’t matter that dad’s favoring you right now, you are not a real person and you never will be. no matter what you do, you will always be broken, wrong, abnormal, incomplete.
what’s ironic is that as much as roman wants to prove that statement wrong, he is literally incapable of allowing himself to do so. he’s internalized this abnormality and wrongness so fully that he cannot bring himself to do anything at all that he feels would contradict it. it makes him feel sick, viscerally uncomfortable, like he's doing something wrong; meanwhile, it's only when he's being 'wrong' and gross and abnormal that he feels comfortable. just look at his sex life. it’s not just that he doesn’t enjoy regular sex and only gets turned on by weird shit, but that he is deeply, deeply uncomfortable and disgusted by any attempt to have sex normally, to love normally. he feels like it’s something he’s not allowed to do, someone he’s not allowed to be, and it just feels wrong wrong wrong. he’s too wrong to have right sex. he’s too wrong to have right love. his identity is wrongness. being wrong, being seen as wrong, is the only thing he understands. anything else is inconceivable. it's so ingrained into him that he can't imagine any other way of being.
roman has been so thoroughly convinced that he doesn’t count as a person, not really, that he doesn’t even realize the fact that he has agency — when it comes down to it, he only thinks of himself as someone that things are done to, not someone capable of doing things, especially not to others. he thinks he doesn’t have an impact on other people because he’s not enough of a person for his opinions or actions to matter. roman is incredibly passive in every relationship he has: someone allows him to be in their life and as long as they do, he will never actually leave of his own volition, i don’t think he fully realizes that’s something he actually has the ability to do. people just begrudgingly let him stay in their lives until they don’t anymore. he’s just there like an ugly bauble on a shelf, unmoving until someone remembers it’s there and throws it out — and he always, always expects to be thrown out. it's the other person who decides what happens to him. he doesn't decide what happens to him, much less them. he loves unconditionally because he's been taught to think he doesn't deserve it in return. the other siblings have been taught that they need to fight for it, but even that is newer to roman; he's used to loving dad without being loved in return, and the others aren't. being loved in return is a bonus.
every sibling is so incredibly broken as a result of logan’s abuse, but roman’s the only one who thinks he deserves to be. because that’s what logan taught him: he needs the wrong beaten out of him. so anything logan does is fair game, because roman is the one who provoked it. roman is the one who came out wrong. he's not a real person. why would he expect logan to treat him like one?
#ok ive looked at this too long hashtag posting it. sorry for the fucking thesis but god i've been going insane about him and all of them#roman roy#kendall roy#shiv roy#connor roy#succession#succession spoilers#logan roy#succession s4#casey shut the fuck up about roman roy#and also succession in general really. christ you're a mess#succession meta#is that a tag i use? idk#100#500
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pt 2: (sorry for not being specific- :,))
Masky, Hoodie, Tic Toby [basically all the proxies] Ben drowned, Jeff the killer, Nina the killer, EJ, LJ, and if possible [like a sibling relationship] with Sally Williams!
ps: Lane the lurker can also be added it’s optional. Also that man is hOts.
🍬 Anon
🗒 ❛ Transmasc Reader ༉‧₊˚✧
Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Laughing Jack, Masky, Hoodie, Nina The Killer, Sally Williams
#Notes: another one of many transmasc requests hell yeah
pronouns used: none, but male! reader
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꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer
Mentioned this before, but it's likely he misgenders and even deadnames you just for shits and giggles (that only he finds funny), until you genuinely get upset and guilt comes crawling in, making him quit it. He doesn't understand that his words carry a weight with them most of the time, so it's more out of debauchery than straight up malice, which is a little rich coming from him. Despite this, he feels like he's the only one who can disrespect you like that (in his own twisted mind, that is) and will not stand for anyone doing the same thing, his protectiveness and violent tendencies coming into play. The knife he carries around isn't just for show, afterall.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned
Doesn't care for gender or gender roles, which is a surprising level of maturity coming from someone that behaves like a pre teen boy most of the time. No matter how you dress or behave, he just sees you as a guy (even if you're in a dress and full makeup) cause that's what you are, no amount of femininity will change that fact for him, proposital or accidental. Doesn't even get mad when someone disrespects you in that regard, he just gets upset cause he straight up doesn't understand their prejudicial point of view, and just tells them to shut up in a flat voice, then ignoring any protest and moving his attention to you to ask if you're okay. Your comfort is of utmost importance to him.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby
Also mentioned this before, but since I headcanon Cody to be transmasc and them to be best friends, he's quite used to it. Plus, his compassionate and understanding nature wouldn't allow it to be any other way. Treats you with extra care and is extremely protective, just because he knows you already struggle a lot and he wants to make things easier for you. Makes you feel included by inviting you to hang out with him and the other boys in their so called "guys night out", which earned a eyebrow raise from Jeff but complete acceptance from the others. Will not tolerate any kind of funny business when it comes to this and is quick to verbally and physically threaten anyone who disrespects you.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack
Approaches it more from a doctor's perspective than anything else, since otherwise he would feel a little awkward and is scared to accidently offend you since that's the last thing he wants. Offers to help you get started on T if you haven't already and tells you what to eat to help increase your testosterone levels. Super nice and respectful, just wants you to feel comfortable in your own skin. Like Toby, he's a little bit extra protective when it comes to you, but more often than not he just corrects people when you get misgendered by them. If they insist, he drags you away and leave the person talking to themselves, not willing to give them the time of day. Your comfort is more important than whatever stupidity is coming out of their mouth.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Laughing Jack
He's literally a ragdoll, I don't think he cares or understands gender all that much. If you say you're a guy, then so be it, he'll refer to and treat you as one no questions asked and no matter how you look or sound like. I believe he likes to sew, so he might make you a few outfits that better fit your taste to help you feel better about yourself if you're having a bad dysphoria day. Calls you "Handsome" pretty often as well. Doesn't understand the concept of transphobia, it just doesn't make sense in his mind, so he's more confused than anything if he ever sees someone misgendering you. When he notices you getting more and more genuinely upset, it kinda clicks that they're doing it out of malice. Big chance of them not coming out alive from this encounter.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky
My first instinct was to say he would be similar to Jeff, as usual, but considering the fact he was getting a liberal arts degree, I highly doubt it. At most raises an eyebrow if he ever sees you dressing more feminine, but never actually mentions it or disrespects you (in that regard, at least). Just be warned, since you're a man, he's going to treat you like one - bad side and all. No taking it easy on you during training or being chivalrous, if you're one of the guys, you're gonna get the same treatment. Despite all that, he's super quick to straight up point a fucking gun at anyone misgendering you, asking them to repeat themselves in a low and menacing tone.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie
Super lowkey with making sure you feel validated and included, doesn't want to be too in your face about it. Just small things like talking about how all the guys are together while you're in the room as well or a quick signed "Looking handsome" as you walk by. He just doesn't want to be too forceful and end up backfiring and making you uncomfortable, but he wants you to know he considers you one of the boys™ just as much as he does the others. Introduces you to singers he likes that are also trans, like Frances Forever or Awfultune, and might even play some of their songs on his guitar for you. Doesn't pay any attention to people misgendering you, just tries to steal your attention while leaving them to talk to themselves, that shit eating grin ever present on his face.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Nina The Killer
I'm sorry, but she's probably one of those "I always wanted to have a trans friend!" people. Not that she thinks you're just trans and nothing else, she does appreciate you for who you are as a person more than anything, but that's definitely her first thought. Super excited to have makeovers with you - she dresses you up super nicely (and emo) and is literally the embodiment of that one "Do you or do you not feel bonita?" audio, will not stop bugging you until you admit you feel handsome. Extremely passive aggressive with people who misgender you, going "Uhm, it's HE, actually" in a somewhat rude manner. If they insist you better hold her back or things might escalate.
꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Sally Williams
This little sweetie is so nice to you. Might misgender you at first on accident until you or someone else explain it to her, then she just nods all excited and starts calling you "Big bro Y/N". Gives you piles and piles of drawings that she makes of you, each with a variation of "Best bro ever" written as the header, and looks up at you seesawing on the soles of her foot, waiting for you to compliment her artistic abilities, to which she hugs your waist tightly when you do.
#creepypasta#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta x reader#ray.writes#ticci toby#jeff the killer#eyeless jack#ticci toby x reader#jeff the kiler x reader#eyeless jack x reader#ben drowned#ben drowned x reader#laughing jack#laughing jack x reader#masky#masky x reader#hoodie#hoodie x reader#nina the killer#nina the killer x reader#sally williams
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AITA for pretending my original fictional characters are my "friends" for the purpose of asking questions online?
Alright, so hear me out: I'm a writing hobbyist, I run a long-term D&D campaign, I like writing characters a lot and sometimes do it even outside of any stories, you could even say that it's my passion. Whenever I create a character that would have experience with something that I don't, I try to experience that thing myself, or if I can't, I ask others online about their experiences to make sure I can write my character accurately.
Here's the problem: back when I used to ask questions online from a writing/creative perspective, I felt like a lot of them concerning more controversial topics were getting dismissed and I got a lot of unsolicited writing advice unrelated to the original question. The most infuriating were always "You shouldn't write a character like that." or "You should change this integral part of the character to remove the issue that you're having."
Now, you can have whatever opinions you want about writing certain aspects of characters, but I would kindly ask you to shove them up your ass. I firmly believe that you can't judge a character accurately merely by their character traits written down in a vacuum, the execution is what really matters. One trait that could be seen as problematic when written badly can really enhance the character, story and it's themes if incorporated correctly. I'm not going to remove integral story-relevant characteristics of my OCs, and I sure as hell am not gonna delete them entirely just because an internet rando didn't believe that I could do them justice. Literally the entire reason why I'm asking these questions in the first place is because I'm trying to be as respectful/accurate to your culture/ethnicity/sexuality/gender/religion/disability/anything else. I GENUINELY want to learn and understand, so why don't you at least try to give me the benefit of the doubt instead of assuming it'll be done terribly?
Anyway, to give some examples of the questions that I've asked that were met with this kind of response:
"How would you write an autistic character who uses ASL but doesn't like to emote with their face?" (Was told to simply "make" the character like using their face even though it would go against how their other symptoms interact with each other, plus it would change how other characters view them and thus the story itself)
"What kind of slang would a black character raised in Brooklyn use?" (Was told to not write a black character using slang as a white person.)
"How would a Muslim character go about leaving their religion after losing their faith?" (Was told that the mere idea of an ex-muslim person was offensive)
I don't know if other writers also struggle with this, or if I'm just the unluckiest and always attract those kinds of people somehow, but after having to deal with it way too much I simply started lying and pretending that my characters are real so people would stop questioning my writing choices and just focus on answering my actual questions. For example, instead of the three questions above nowadays I would ask:
"Me and my Autistic friend are learning ASL together, but she doesn't like making expressions for sensory reasons. Is there anything else she can do?"
"What are some examples of actual slang used by black people in Brooklyn? My friend is from there but he likes to mess with me by coming up with fake words and pretending like they're slang, at this point idk what to believe."
"My friend lost their faith and is planning on leaving Islam. They don't have access to internet due to their parents so they wanted me to ask about what could be the possible consequences and how go about the process, or even where to start."
Also, obviously, I do way more research than just these questions, but I also really want to know the opinion of people in these communities about these topics and the discussion that develops from it. That's not something that simply reading a book or an article on a topic can give you and I believe that interacting with the community itself is an important part of properly portraying characters that belong to them as well. Still, a few of my friends told me that it's kinda shitty of me to lie in this way, especially when the end goal is to be respectful about certain traits yet me lying to these people is a sign of disrespect in their opinion. Personally I don't see it that way, I simply want people answering my questions to treat them seriously and if presenting them as real scenarios is what gets them to do it I feel like I have no choice, it has nothing to do with the respect I have for the communities in question.
Also, if this matters at all: 90% of my writing is entirely personal and will never be published in any way at all, the other 10% being the writing that I do for my D&D campaign which only my players get to witness.
So, with all of that out of the way, AITA?
What are these acronyms?
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