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sl-ut · 4 months

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random college!abby hcs

more!college abby

warnings: mentions of sex, drinking, drugs, and nudity, cursing, mild hint homophobia

first things first: jerry is alive and abby is his pride and joy

i'm serious... her mom died when she was a toddler and jerry hasn't had a long-term relationship since, so he's the only parental figure that she has

he took every precaution while raising her to make sure she always had everything she could ever need while also making sure that she didn't end up being an entitled brat

otherwise, she is very close with both of her father's siblings (her aunt is the only maternal relationship she has and definitely relied on her for all of her personal issues as a teenager), has a good relationship with jerry's mother and step-father

her mother was an only child, but her parents always come over for thanksgiving and even christmas sometimes

she was very supportive of her father taking in yara and lev after she moved out. she knew he was suffering from a severe case of empty nest syndrome. she def makes them feel so welcome right away like those strangers became her siblings in a matter of minutes

i'll only say it once ppl: OLD MONEY

jk i'll say it again. the andersons are a long line of surgeons and doctors so obvi they're gonna be well off

like, not "fund a research facility to get my kid into college" rich, they're more "i casually have a summer home, a ski chalet, and a ridiculously nice house to live in year round" rich.

her only real relationship was in high school (trigger warning: it was owen)

our bby had a bad case of comphet as a teenager

like fr she had not even considered the fact that she might be gay until she was two knuckles deep in some sorority girl during a party in her freshman year

after that she sort of just accepted it, she had no concern of her dad bc obviously he would be so accepting and supportive, but a few of her relatives def had an issue with it right off the bat (old money, old values)

she's been friends with manny, nora, owen, and mel since middle school, and the only one whose view of her seemed to change was owen (and mel too ig bc she stopped seeing abby as such a threat)

he drunkenly questioned her about it once, saying something super gross and along the lines of "you didn't seem gay when we were together"

to which she responded by offering him two choices; he could sit down and shut up or she would knock him tf out

he's cooled it since then but everyone knows that he still has a big fat crush on her so he still wants to believe he has a chance (even tho he was literally already talking to mel before they broke up and announced they were together only a few days after)

she's pre-med, majoring in bio and minoring in something totally different like classical lit or history or something

she's gonna end up being an orthopedic surgeon but later on in her career i can see her turning to teaching at a university or something

like doctor!abby turned prof!abby???? omg

is very health conscious

she's a gym rat, this we already know

she also takes her diet very seriously as well, but always has a secret stash of junk for when she really needs it

also careful with her alcohol/drug intake

she drinks on occasion (birthday, christmas, new years, etc, etc) but usually not very much (will almost always be sober enough to be the sober driver if need be)

she refuses to do any drugs during lacrosse season. she's so strict with her diet during the season that she won't ingest anything other than quality, nutritious food. she also needs to submit a drug test a few times per season so she doesn't wanna risk it.

in the off season, she's more willing to have a puff or two at a party or take an edible before a movie night or something (i don't see her doing any drug other than weed)

she lived with manny during her freshman and sophomore years

they had a shitty little apartment a few minutes away from campus

it was the only one that manny could afford on a student budget, and he refused abby's offer to get a nicer apartment and let her pay a larger portion of the rent than he did

they still had fun either way

manny loved having another person he could talk about girls with (he was initially gonna move in with owen but then he got ditched for mel)

every sunday morning they would get takeout for breakfast so manny could recount his night with the girl that had snuck out only a few hours earlier

she was a little hesitant to join in and share her own stories, but she finally got more comfortable in talking to him about it (RESPECTFULLY!!!!!!! she was so scared that she was gonna end up sounding like a literally disgusting pig but she keeps the details to a minimum and only says nice things unless the girl was a major bitch)

she's a lululemon/gymshark girly. her go-to style is definitely any variation of athlesiure. she wears lots of joggers, dry-fit tops, and the cleanest pair of white sneakers you'll ever see

underneath, i'm picturing her as more of a bralette type of girl. obviously she wears a sports bra to the gym, but on a regular basis, she likes wearing bralettes over bras bc she doesn't need that much support so they offer just enough without the discomfort of a bra

i'm settling the debate rn everyone, college!abby wears boxers AND panties

she finds boxers more comfortable on a day to day basis, but she likes wearing cheekies and thongs especially when she's wearing leggings

so dorky

she was definitely a sci-fi/fantasy kid

she grew up on harry potter, lord of the rings, star wars, etc etc

would love a partner who would watch them with her and actually enjoy it

unironically makes gym thirst traps on tiktok

her followers always comment supportive things like: looking good!, major gainssss, muscle mommy come destroy this pu-

still wears the iconic braid, but usually only when she's on the field. she occasionally wears her hair down, but i hc that she still likes to wear her hair pulled back in a cute little braided ponytail or a messy low bun

when she's older SHE CUTS HER HAIR OMG OMG OMG like literally i'm purring rn

like ik you've all seen that edit of her with super short hair omg she's so hot

in her junior year she decided to live on her own

manny moved in with jordan, who had been begging him for a while since the rent was more than he could handle on his own, though manny's rent would actually be cheaper than it was in his apartment with abby

they still do their traditions tho, still having sunday breakfast, still going to the campus pub on fridays for trivia, still going to the gym together on wednesdays...

they're actually besties i love them

when she's on her period, she craves salty foods

is so frustratingly confident in her emotions

will always try to diffuse the situation and pissing the other person off with her calmness

takes really good care of her skin

her favourite drink is diet cranberry gingerale

she's a dog person, but she would definitely enjoy having a cat around too

adopts a rescue dog a few weeks after finishing her residency

uses old spice fiji body wash and deodorant (SHE SMELLS SO FUCKING GOOD) and a musky vanilla body spray

likes to feel and be clean, but isn't too fussed about her body hair so long as it looks tidy. she isn't anti shaving, and will probably make an effort to shave more regularly in the early stages of a relationship until she's more confident and comfortable around the person

NSFW

down-there hair? duh

like i said, she likes to keep things tidy so she'll trim and maybe shave her bikini line if she's feeling it but that's it. she's not fussed with body hair, whether it's her or her partner's

again, she'll make an effort to keep herself looking neat and tidy for the first bit of a relationship but after a few weeks she's not afraid to go full-bush when she doesn't wanna shave

she doesn't love penetration. fingers are one thing, but she has only had not-so-great experiences with sex that involved a penis-like object. she'd wanna be the one wearing the strap for the most part, but she'd be willing to try it again with the right person

slow and passionate sex >>>>>

considers herself to be very vanilla but she's actually kinda kinkyyyyy (she gets so embarrassed and blushy when anyone calls her out for it)

she prefers scissoring to using her strap (but she LOVES her strap)

she doesn't like to choke her partners, but she will reach her hand up and just hold their throat while they're fucking

she's always so sensitive

came in like thirty seconds during her first time with another girl

she's noiiiiisssyyyyyyyy

she usually starts out with just heavy panting breaths, then they turn into deep grunts, then she begins to whine from low in her throat, and finally she begins to gasp out words of praise or curses

she squirts teehee

like i said she's always so sensitive, so if she's any ways worked up when someone's going down on her they better watch out bc they're in the splash zone

her strap is purple and sparkly

abby anderson eats ass

her nipples are super sensitive too

not really nsfw but she really loves casual nudity with her partners, changing in front of each other, hopping in the shower together, using the bathroom with the other person in the room...

she's a boob girl. doesn't matter if they're big, small, saggy, or perky, she just wants to suck them

when she's on top, she likes to pull her partner's leg over her shoulder and will just start like trailing kisses along the length of their calf

she's a literal munch

will use it to her advantage too

tells her partner she'll go down on them if they finish their assignments

#reader insert #x reader #imagines #lesbian #abby anderson #abby anderson imagine #abby anderson x reader #abby anderson x you #abby tlou #college!abby anderson

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blinkpen · 4 months

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nother lil life update!

appointment with housing admin lady got rescheduled to tuesday, but that's not too big a deal since that is the soonest day they could officially open up that apartment for me anyway, so if the answer was going to be yes, rescheduling when i get the yes to said day, doesn't delay the move-in, except by like, maybe, one more additional day of just. going back to get/move my stuff? so i am Unbothered and maintain the same level of cautious optimism leaned optimism as before

and again my stress level is way lower now knowing there is likely a light at the end of the tunnel (hell that a tunnel even EXISTS now) and mom is, at least for now, sobered by the intervention of other adults for whom going

"ummmmm but the very existence of trans identity is a personal attack against me and my beliefs bc i believe their existence is blasphemous they stole the rainbow from christians and desecrated the noah's arc story that's why i'm so mean to [not my fucking pronoun] whenever anything remotely close to the topic of gender comes up, asking nicely to so mach as -gag noises- humor they/them is a deliberate attack on me first, and forcing the queer agenda on me, so i get to attack back with full venom unloaded and vote in favor of making queer peoples' lives more difficult if not impossible, so like, i'm the victim actually? [not my fucking pronoun] needs to stop being so entitled and unholy and learn to deal with Different Opinions and stop Undermining me"

will not fucking fly and she can't make inflict Power Word: Guilt Trip to make them crumple away the way she does to me to instantly win and make the argument stop so she is now not pushing buttons and keeping her toxicity to herself methinks bc "ah fuck, an actually benevolent authority figure nobody in town would question is looking at how much my grown but wingclipped and disabled child's mental and now physical health has deteriorated to life-threateningly poor levels and looking in my direction while Knowing details i cannot possibly spin in my favor to outside observers; the only people who'd swoop in to take my side would only make me look worse by association, though i'll probably still refuse to think about The Implications of that, so i will Be Mask On now about it if nothing else"

like she got a stark fucking reminder i think of the fact she is a mean person who publicly boasts about being mean because she thinks its funny and also equates being smart with being cynical and therefore if you're aggressively cynical you're automatically smarter than whoever you are talking to or about, and is the kind of person who literally owns a "leftist tears" coffee mug, while claiming herself a Good christian just because she didn't kick me out for being queer like the Bad christians do, but like, she can still give me shit for being queer as much as she likes and if i stand up for myself i'm an ungrateful little bitch, those are her Vibes,

and being that way, makes it hard to defend yourself as totally innocent of any wrongdoing and victim-blame someone most people in town know, by contrast, as "the borderline mute Always a Hoodie n Headphones kid who spends a lot of time just wandering around town for the heck of it and seems a bit touched in the head/lost in their own little world, but is unfailingly friendly if you do try to talk to them for whatever reason, and will sincerely ask if they could be of any assistance to anyone who enters their cone of vision who seems to be in a pickle" once they start developing what seems like a wasting illness and an aura of hopelessness they didn't have before and finally show up at the hospital looking like they're about to drop dead from what is clearly several months of physiological stress and self-neglect and they don't even have their meds handy because you locked their disabled ass out in retaliation for leaving for one single night because you wouldn't stop screaming at them about how their gender thing is blasphemous and [checks notes] eavesdropping in on them while they shower to make sure not even their anguished crying and muttering to themself even in there isn't saying anything you don't like??? what the f-

even the crusty old farmer i know who i guess probably would go "not sure i like that but whatever" about transness otherwise enters "now what makes you think that makes [not my pronoun but i forgive bc its not done Maliciously] less of a person, what makes you think that's okay" mode over that

lol, said the frog, as a human hand scoops it out of the water just in time, and places it on a nice log where it may recover from the sting, while pointing to the sinking scorpion suggesting they go to therapy instead of stinging everyone around them and going "but i'm a scorpion so that means i am not responsible for my actions and nobody is allowed to expect better of me" lmao,

okay that went from a life update to me venting a bit? but. i eared that i think, it helps keep my grounded, hoenstly.

anyway we gotta send my doc a fruit basket or somn

#cw for discussions of transphobia and all that

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holiciouspursuitofenvy · 9 months

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It took me a really long fucking time to acknowledge why i can't handle boundaries/end up being manipulative as fuck to real and sometimes online people.

EVERYBODY FEELS LIKE I HAVE TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS WITH! I truly did not understand stand that consciously, i only ever chalked it up to social anxiety. No matter how many times i told myself i wish there was a class on how to talk to people and what people will judge you on.

I grew up with parents who would be gone from home long periods of time (due to their jobs bc we were poor and childhood divorce). And when they came home would either fight eachother or their children (me and my siblings). Belittling us for little things we did or want which oftentimes was extremely normal kid stuff. And because i was the youngest, i was an honorary child of the eldest teenage sister who obviously was a bad mother but also actively bullied me for years.

Not to mention parents who would constantly tell me don't trust anyone, everyone is judging you and out to get you. So they sheltered you home minimizing play time or hanging out with other kids. I actively remember being a kid and trying to set up healthy boundaries like "hey mom, it really hurta me when you yell at me for crying when i get shots or needles, I'm trying my best." And her going "fuck off, you're just sensitive and you need to get over it by now." Or my dad actively triggering me when he does his angry sound tell so i asked him to please do it less and he angrily calls me a child in a long drawn out paragraph and huffs away.

I was/sometimes still am stuck in a toxic cycle of needing to learn how to set up boundaries for myself and telling people, namely my family, to fuck off if they don't. I used to have a hero complex where i would help people at the expense of myself to often but then i said fuck that and now I've made my over defensiveness even more obvious.

But i also couldn't acknowledge this extends to EVERYTHING. In real life when someone says you did a bad thing suddenly it feels like a volcano of the most angry emotions stir inside of me BECAUSE I AM FURIOUS.

I'M FURIOUS that no one acknowledges how hard it was to walk on eggshells all the time. How I'd need to pat myself on the back every time i completed a social interaction successfully or comb through every detail of them to find something to improve on. I never felt i was progressing to normal but that i was stuck incompetent forever.

I get told a lot that I'm very mysterious and never tell anyone anything and this is why. I HAVE MAJOR TRUST ISSUES. This is where the hyper-independence, the closed offness, the combative nature against people i trust especially comes in. Why I'm always surprised people who don't see me everyday or run to me anytime the see me say I'm their friend. I'm sure i came off super cold when i asked them why but i was genuinely surprised. Because being teased, bullied, and dismissed by everyone close to me growing up fucked up my view of people and relationships.

I don't mean for any of this to come off as an excuse but as an explanation. And me trying to reach people who've gone through the same things i have but kept getting back into the cycle of needing to defend yourself by all means possible to people who just said "please stop, i don't like this," or any other variation of you have done something wrong. Especially if you went over the line online and someone said "hey thwt way too over familiar, don't talk to strangers like that." because yea STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET ARE NOT YOUR THERAPIST OR PUNCHING BAGS.

I really need people to understand this isn't from entitlement, it's subconscious mistrust in everyone you meet bc subconsciously i believed everyone was out for me. Someone i needed to defend against before or after they talk to me. No matter how nice and gentle it comes doesn't matter. Everyone has to be lying and think it's the biggest deal in the world actually or this is a greater sign of you being awful all along. Like everone did that to everyone elae. And if anyone just casually calls this narcissism I'm hitting you with a 2x4. Those posts never resonated with me. They felt dismissive for me personally.

I AM ALWAYS IN A PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE VICTORIAN ENGLAND TEA PARTY WITH A BAD REPUTATION. Or better yet I'm always walking on eggshells with people.

Coming from someone who knows they're mentally fucked up but not knowing exactly how for all your life but especially in the past 5+ years of not going to therapy except when it was closeby and free a couple times but never being truly open with them because you learned vulnerability equals dismissal and pain 99% of the time.

So yeah, i highly recommend looking back on your childhood and examining when you were dismissed or had your boundaries broken. Then work on active trust with people and be open to more people because not processing my trauma but trying to steamroll being a functional persom also fucked me up.

#Mental health #Therapy #Trauma #Emotional abuse #Manipulation #Neglect #rant #God that felt good to finally say #I will block any and everyone who tries to dismiss this post as me excusing my bad behavior or “needing to grow up”#Paranoia #Trust #Coping mechanisms #Obviously it's not just a personal responsibility thing but a social norm symptomatic of society that rewards and encourages abuse.

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drabbles-of-writing · 4 years

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I know you said no hard angst for beta lumity au but can we have a Little angst.,,., as a treat

n e ways, beta lumity are fighting again and one of them (prolly amity tbh) takes it a little Too Far, either with words or punches, and their usual angry-but-still-good-vibe gets ruined and luz kind of just. leaves and amity is just standing there like 🧍‍♀️⁉️

you may have a little angst. I will spoil you for today, my children.

honestly? she’d probably take it too far in words. They can pack a PUNCH but you bet your ass Luz wouldn’t end it over a broken arm. yeah, she’d be a little ticked off but she’s used to getting beat the shit out of. that is not a good thing but we ain’t here to focus on that.

I’m tryin to Think of somethin and a mutual of mine brought up Amity insulting Luz’s mom bc Amity has Shit Parents and doesn’t realize that sometimes people have really close relationships with their parents. Amity would joke about her parents being disappointed or shit all the time with her friends and thought that was just how all people were. We love miscommunications because of a terrible upbringing.

Amity says some shit like “how’s your mom feel that your a junkie, huh?” or “betcha your mom’s real proud of these messes you get yourself in” or “god your mom must be shit if you turned out like this” Obv this is said in a sarcastic casual-bitchy manor of Amity, but Luz takes it hard. She’s already got a dad who left and a mom who works her ASS off to provide, and she’s already feeling bad enough about the occasional weed she takes and fights she’s always getting into and hiding from her mom.

Luz bites back a strained retort and Amity keeps taunting her on this because she’s socially Stupid and doesn’t realize Luz is actually pissed off and then Luz just,,,,swings a punch and breaks her nose without ANY warning. That’s the thing with witches. It’s a weird system, but if your warned beforehand, it’s seen as ‘not meaning it.’ There’s a Real Fight, and then there’s the Casual Fights. You WARN before you get into a Casual Fight. Luz doesn’t know this witch rule, but she still followed it. So when Luz suddenly threw a punch without warning with THAT amount of force, Amity was quick to realize she Fucked Up.

Amity is cradling her broken nose and with a spat Luz is quick to get up and leave. She didn’t even drive she just walks home. Amity is trying to apologize but she still doesn’t quite know what she’s apologizing for and she’s still got a broken nose so she loses Luz and ends up just going to the hospital to fix her busted face.

Luz avoids her completely. Amity tries to play off she doesn’t care bc that’s how she always is and Socially Stupid Amity is just “if I act like it’s the same Luz will eventually come back, it’s just like fights with Boscha or Cat.” but it doesn’t. it doesn’t change and Amity is already getting anxious very soon in and is BEGGING Willow and Gus for help because she doesn’t know how to fix it and is just completely confused.

Meanwhile Luz is hanging more with crackhead Eda and King and ranting. She kinda feels like shit, too. Amity’s words hurt especially since she was actually starting to like hanging out with her. But Amity is a Blight, and rich kids don’t change just because they hang out with you. They’re still entitled and demanding.

Luz has a mom who cares so much, and Amity has parents who don’t care at all. Something like that is bound to have a bad mix.

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jennycalendar · 3 years

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What do you think would've happened if Wesley was Buffy's first watcher in Sunnydale and Giles came in to replace him in season 3?

Also what if Jenny didn't die while this was happening bc like. If we're having fun anyway we gotta include Jenny she's The Most Fun

oh my god i think that's the buffy and jenny timeline. i really do.

see, wesley is so not a good watcher when he shows up in sunnydale. i've always been of the mind that giles is a horrible dad and an AMAZING watcher, specifically because a watcher's job is to train and prepare a slayer for the mission ahead -- and buffy's unwavering devotion to giles means that she is totally willing to follow his lead if she finds his requests reasonable, plus giles's love and respect for buffy means that he in turn is willing to listen and adapt if buffy thinks his methods unreasonable and unfair. thing is, though, wesley does not have any interest in fostering that kind of camraderie with a girl who he sees primarily as a disobedient disciple: he feels WAY too entitled to buffy's respect to ever actually EARN it, because he is gonna constantly treat her like she's lesser for not just perpetually following his lead. which of course will not fly well with buffy AT ALL.

so you know who i think buffy is gonna start turning to? jenny. like, if her two options are 1) her watcher, who has absolutely no sympathy for her as a human person because she refuses to be a cookie-cutter council-approved slayer and is therefore a Rebellious Waste of Resources or 2) the technopagan who helped cast a demon from the internet, knows a TON about magic, is willow's favorite teacher, and is very willing to help buffy when she needs it? buffy is absolutely going to go straight towards jenny.

(this is getting long lmao so more under the cut!)

the change in giles was something that came about because he saw himself in buffy -- she is rebellious in a way that comes from a very compassionate person not being listened to when they say that they have been wronged. wesley, imo, would be far less willing to cut buffy slack, because he is a lot younger and therefore a lot more attached to ideas that aren't his own. he relies on the council because he doesn't know who he is without it. (same as giles, but giles is a little more okay with that ambiguity than wesley, i think. it's hard for him but it isn't the level of Life-Shattering Change that wes went through when the council kicked HIM to the curb.)

so in this version, wesley and jenny are pretty much constantly at odds, but they reach this weird little detente wherein wesley is willing to let jenny handle his slayer's unfathomable emotions and mentor her as long as he's allowed to drill her and take her on patrols and stuff. while wesley and buffy are nowhere near as close as buffy and giles, i do still think that by season three, they have a kind of weird understanding and a pale, watery imitation of buffy and giles's bond. buffy likes wesley well enough. she kinda looks at him like he's this golden retriever puppy she needs to keep an eye on sometimes.

JENNY, however, is the one who buffy has latched onto with all of her might, which in turn has caused a quiet little fissure between buffy and willow (who was jenny's unequivocal and obvious favorite before buffy came along). there are a lot of girls vying for mom's attention in season three -- faith is jealous of buffy like nine times more than in canon, because everybody gets a boring old watcher, but buffy gets a biological mom who is around AND a mentor/unofficial BONUS mom who understands how hard it is to be a slayer. it is literally such a mess and jenny is handling it to the best of her abilities but does not have half the support she needs wrt getting shit done.

the cruciamentum pretty much goes down as it does in canon -- i do think that wesley would falter, because he is a good guy at his core, and the truth of what the council is doesn't seem like something he was willing to accept in canon's season three (if the way he handed faith unceremoniously over to the council goons is any indication). but having to see firsthand this kiddo who he has trained go into a situation where he's certain she'll die? he can't do it. so he tells jenny that he's struggling, because he knows she will flip, and she DOES, and everything kinda goes to shit. wesley gets fired for involving a civilian in watcher matters, JENNY gets forbidden from EVER seeing buffy again, and giles is sent down to reinforce this doctrine.

now, bear in mind, this is a version of giles who has not spent three years with buffy. but this is ALSO a version of giles who, as every version of giles does, falls in love with jenny from the very fucking moment she storms up to him and starts yelling at him about how inhumane the council is. all of the kids are kind of expecting jenny to win against the guy they have unkindly dubbed "wesley 2.0" (god that is such a cursed phrase to type when referencing GILES), seeing as wesley kinda crumbled after two seconds of one of jenny's lectures, but giles gives as good as he gets. giles is not just gonna take insults to the council lying down.

so giles and jenny probably might have spent like the next four seasons screaming at each other if not for the fact that this is also when faith kills a guy by accident. and this is of course a situation that resonates HUGELY with giles! jenny and wesley are both ultra defensive and expecting him to immediately be like "i't's my responsibility to report this to the council," but giles instead is very firmly like. the council is understanding when it comes to youthful accidents, but they're not gonna take kindly to this situation, so we're all going to need to put our differences aside and figure out a way to help faith.

i think giles is actually what pulls faith over to the scooby side for good! like, he is this misfit who the others don't like, he GETS what faith has been through, he's able to relate. they form a very solid and special connection. (this thought was very much inspired by this post by @restlesshush where she mentions that giles and faith overlap significantly, so that's a definite influence wrt my convictions.) faith really likes feeling special to somebody, i think, and it means a lot to her that it's somebody who everyone else is still on the fence about. she gets to be someone's favorite slayer. i feel like she might have at one point wanted that with wesley in canon, before actually meeting him -- hoped on some quiet level that she'd matter More to somebody. and then of course she saw him and was immediately like. yeah. absolutely not.

meanwhile JENNY is seeing giles step up for this traumatized kid and make sure she is okay and run interference with the council to buy them all time while they figure shit out, and suddenly she's like. 💕 oh no. 💕 and buffy is so so viscerally horrified by this reaction.

#asks #anonymous #headcanon #this would be SUCH a good fic actually holy SHIT.

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petewentzisblack1312 · 3 years

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if i ever get money im sending u flight and ticket money i s2g we gotta get u to a fob show

i appreciate that v much lmao. cw for mental health stuff i guess?

the funny thing is i actually got really close, ive mentioned this before but when the mania tour was announced a friend of mine tried to wire money for a concert ticket but it didnt go through for some reason but THEN my mom decided to buy me the ticket anyway even though she couldnt really afford it because my dad promised to send me up to new york to see it, but he kept like, changing the terms and conditions?

like first he said hed go with me then he said he was too busy so i said id go alone then he suddenly decided he didnt want me going alone so i asked if hed send my sister with me and it was weird but i didnt really realise it bc i was so excited, but then a couple weeks out from when we were supposed to go, he just told me he changed his mind and he didnt think i could handle it and that he wouldnt be paying for my flight, but id gotten vip so i couldnt resell the ticket, so i just had to sit and watch all the pictures from what wouldve been my date from saint lucia. and then i got hit by a van.

i feel really stupid for how upset i am about it because like, its a luxury. i live on a caribbean island, sometimes we dont have running water or power, sometimes my family doesnt really have food to eat, sometimes theres a hurricane or an earthquake or both that takes us years, maybe a decade to recover from, and here i am being hung up on not getting to go see a band in america. like even having that opportunity was extremely privileged and i really feel conceited and entitled to be upset about it. its expensive to leave the caribbean and i know that and like, my dads really well off, he has a lexus and remodelled his house while he was supposed to be paying for me to eat, but like its not like its required for me to live or anything. i dont have the luxury of wanting luxuries but im still genuinely deeply upset about this. a different friend offered to buy me a ticket for the hella mega tour but they were sold out bc the connection at my schools really shitty and tickets never go on sale at like a convenient time.

the fact is they are never going to play in the caribbean, save for that one time they played in puerto rico, which is still america and still requires a visa and tickets are still more expensive for me. going to a show requires a round trip out of the caribbean and finding a place to stay and actually buying a ticket, all of which is priced in a currency with way more buying power than the eastern caribbean dollar has. maybe if i actually get out of saint lucia and go to school and start my life but every time i have a mental breakdown because i feel stuck i get even MORE stuck because no one thinks i can handle being on my own without supervision no matter how much i say i am losing my mind because other people are micromanaging my life.

sorry. this is a lot. i love my home but this is a small town you need an expensive plane ticket to leave and im just watching it die and be exploited and i just kinda have to live with the fact that when or frankly if i ever leave ill never be able to afford coming back home and all of that is just kind of represented by the fact that i dont think ill ever be able to afford seeing fall out boy live even if i did live in a place where there are shows and even if i could itd be between seeing them live or seeing my family and home in person.

#dils declares #dils is depressed #i hate it here.

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a-a-a-anon · 3 years

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my crack sunny wlw ships no one asked for

1. dee x maureen (deereen?)

aka crazy cat lady with dog shit breath x crazy cat lady with dog shit breath

no okay but imagine if they got together after Dennis Gets Divorced. dee is pissed at bill and maureen is still looking for ways to screw dennis over. what's better revenge on those guys than banging their sisters? so dee and maureen bang each other but it turns out they like it quite a bit and actually connect... so they get impulsively married (dee maybe secretly less impulsively... in Mac Fights Gay Marriage she says, “marriage is a wonderful thing. it's between two people who decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together because they love each other very much. I'm all for it, and I think everyone should be entitled to it.” ... it’s not often she says something so not cynical like that, and I think she may have been personally invested in the idea that anyone should be able to marry someone they love... I’m saying that our girl may have wanted to get gay married, y’all).

dee delights in rubbing her gay marriage in homophobic season 6 mac's face and maureen enjoys the flabbergasted look on her ex-husband and his boy toy. also, they both have a grudge against dennis and make fun of him by exchanging embarrassing memories of him in high school. and independently of their mutual grudge against the guys, i 100% see their manipulative, vindictive, and unhinged personalities meshing quite well.

also, maureen died in canon because she was dancing on the roof because she believed she was a cat. the weird cat surgery only happened post ponderosa/mcpoyle wedding and was probably a response to the trauma of all the carnage of that day. so if she married dee back in s6 and never had the traumatic bath salts zombie wedding with the mcpoyles..... just saying maureen would still be alive if RCG just let her and dee get gay married smh my head 😔

2. artemis x roxy (artxy?)

no they never even came close to meeting in canon BUT still... their personalities seem like they would compliment so well? they would be such a powerhouse! I feel like they wouldn't even have met bc of their mutual acquaintance with the gang/frank. their crazy insane lives would've just naturally led them to each other. and they'd have such a good time together!!

3. ruby x the waitress (waiby?)

no but just imagine.... once again in my head their personalities actually compliment each other well, specifically if they got together right after Charlie and Dee Find Love. and I say that bc we can see the waitress, when she isn't directly being harassed by the gang or isn't mad at charlie, can actually be quite soft and sweet and normal (I know dee describes her as a bitch but she's only bitchy towards the gang because the gang pushes her to her limits. like do you remember how soft and cute the waitress was in the part of Mac Bangs Dennis' Mom before she realizes how horrible the gang is?? same in The Gang Group Dates). that sort of personality is similar to what we see of ruby's personality. so I think if the waitress could interact with a character who is genuinely nice and sweet (ruby would be such a breath of fresh air after 10 years of knowing the gang) she'd have such a lovely time and her soft side would have a chance to come out again, this time for someone who deserves it (just saying that bc the waitress’ cute affections were totally wasted on dennis in the early seasons smh). initially ruby and the waitress bond over their shared batshit experiences with charlie but they soon forget him. ruby can afford to actually enforce the restraining order against him, maybe they hire protection from being harassed by the gang ever again, and she and the waitress live their best lives together riding off into the sunset, or something.

#yeah i dont know what came over me but i thought these up and genuinely enjoyed the concepts lmfao #no i don't think there's a HINT of these ships in canon of course. in my imagination tho so true #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #ships #dee reynolds #maureen ponderosa #artemis dubois #waitress #ruby taft #shitpost #but a shitpost i really mean #i only call these crack bc these ships barely interacted in canon... rcg cut those scenes out bc they were too sexually charged of course #both the reynolds twins fucked maureen on her wedding night so true #(separately)#im still staunchly chardee but deereen... also fun

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oofchris · 3 years

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⌠ MADISON BAILEY, 19, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, CHRISTINA ' CHRIS ' ANDERSON! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MACGYVER SURVIVAL SKILLS & NAVIGATION + PROTECTION & ENFORCEMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( speckles of dried paint on fingers, cruising round on a longboard, joints tucked behind ears wrapped in colourful papers ). when it’s the ( sagittarius )’s birthday on 12/27/2001, they always request their PHO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ mochi, 24, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro

hi uwu, here is a new baby who is not very baby but still a lil baby

. . . it got quite long so tldr; she’s a stubborn art hoe from california who’s dad died so she’s come to gallagher bc her mom is a professor in the p+e major <3

parallels

wyldstyle — the lego movie: 85%

mulan — mulan: 84%

nymphadora tonks — harry potter: 83%

princess fiona — shrek: 83%

robin buckley — stranger things: 82%

here is a full list

HISTORY

potential triggers — car accident, parental death, divorce

so she’s grown up on on the west coast p much ??? her whole life. her mom worked as a bodyguard for sum famous peeps, dad was doctor but occasionally also a medic in the field — they didn’t always see eye to eye and divorced when chris was around nine. it was mostly to do with chris’ future like whether she’d go to spy prep school and follow in their footsteps and her dad didn’t want that for her so they disagreed, and she lived with him instead, living a more or less normal life. her mom then moved away when the opportunity to become a professor at gallagher presented itself, so they’ve really not been close at all since then

lived fairly comfortably, either way her dad had money and her mom sent support too. her father definitely earns less from no longer being in the spy world but he vowed to leave that behind when he divorced his wife and other than a few people from his past popping up unannounced, he kept that vow. they moved around a couple times in order to keep chris safe, and especially when someone did find them ( even if it was friendly ) but mostly grew up in california, and a lot of it is to do with the fact chris loves it there so much

but chris knows about the spy world, what her mom does and the type of school she works at, but it never interested her enough to try and reach out or fight her dad on it as she enjoyed her life

she remembers her mom as someone stubborn, argumentative, volatile which is the opposite of her dad who was patient, loving and endearing — so it’s a no brainer for her, she loves her dad a lot and he gave up a lot for her while her mom gave chris up for that world, her job, etc aka nada

BUT her dad died in a car accident recently that she was also in but was only a bit beaten up at most ( has some cuts / new scars, learn more below ) leaving her mother to swiftly pick her up and enrol her into gallagher, more to keep an eye on her than anything.

her mom chose her majors and some of her classes for her, which chris is mad about, but mainly bc looking at what ones were offered she’d def pick macgyver anyway, and her mom argued p+e was a step into the physical and combat side of thing without being too heavy on it ( tho it’s the major she teaches so she’s biased and chris just thinks she wants to be closer ) but tbh ? chris just doesn’t want her mom to be right whatsoever or have the satisfaction of thinking she knows her daughter in anyway at all but she knows if she went undecided she’d probably pick those up again in her second year so she’s just ‘ going with it ‘ begrudgingly as if she has no choice

PERSONALITY

extremely stubborn, which she gets from her mom, would rather ruin her life than go back on something or admit she was wrong, if she apologises for something she'll find a way to do it where she's not actually ever saying the words ' im sorry ' or ' i was wrong ' and would rather start another argument than do that — but obviously she loves other people apologising to her

she is generally nice ??? i just think she can be irritated easy ?????? like a bit of a hot head tho she'd argue she's chill, she is mostly chill but likes to debate, be right, and can be very my way or the high way at times — i’ll figure her out more as i play her bc i can’t tell if she’s mean or not but i don’t think so, just a bit tougher than she needs to be

in my head she’s like a seb/luc hybrid so . . . take that as you will

doesn’t dislike gallagher ( mostly ) but thinks all the legacies — even tho she technically is one, she doesn’t identify as one — are entitled spoiled brats and should get their heads out of their ass, doesn't like that being a legacy is even a thing though a lot of it definitely comes from her bitter resentment towards her mom and how she'd have rather leave her and her dad than leave the spy life hbsjhbsjhb also i think bc of her mom she has level 5 clearance which . . . she’s not complaining about but definitely complaining that clearance levels are even a thing, she’s gonna contradict herself a lot, i feel it

MISC

i THINK she’s only arrived, like, at the start of spring semester tbh, she wasn’t here for fall so she is new new

halfway through her first year at stanford studying art alongside film and media as a minor before her mom brought her to gallagher — which she's kind of not happy about like she understands her dad didn't want it for her, she also wanted to just stay in california but the only family she has now is on her mom's side.

she's still enrolled at stanford, though dropped her minor, and is studying online for her major as she's made it clear to her mom she doesn't want to be a spy so she pulled a few strings with the stanford admission board to allow her studying to continue ( idek if this is allowed i'm just pretending her mom is powerful enough to do it ) — it was a big reason chris agreed to come to gallagher, not that she had much of a choice, bc she wants her ‘ normal ‘ life and her ‘ normal ‘ degree regardless of being at a spy school

only her mom calls her christina and she actually hates it so pls dont unless you are trying to get on her bad side — also she probs avoids her mom like the plague so don’t bring that up either

often covered in little cuts and bruises from her skating but she’s got two fresh / soon to be scars on the left side of her face on the top of her cheek bone and on her jaw from a shards of glass when she was in the car accident — she is the type to pick her scabs until they bleed again, too, so i picture her with loads of little scars especially on her hands, elbows and knees

she did learn self defense from her dad growing up and she has studied jiujitsu and akido since she was around thirteen, she also boxes but it's more casual like for stress and stuff rather than something she takes overly seriously

she likes surfing, diving, enjoys the kind of world that exists underwater where it's just peaceful and calm so she will be around the lake a lot / at the pool if you need to find her

she’s 5’3 and never wears heels

pansexual and while it might change i wanna say she's not overly sexual, like wouldn't have hookups for no reason ?? but potentially some one night stands or drunken mistakes or whatever. doesn't look down on sluts but i think she doesn't have the most confidence in that area, or in self esteem in general, so she'll ??? only really have a frequent thing if she feels Hella comfortable

the type to have crushes tho, but not act on them at all bc again self esteem issues

bit of a tomboy, skater, stoner — though she wouldn't identify as one — really loves movies and can be a proper filmophile, probably has more film soundtracks on her spotify unwrapped than she does actual artists and don't get her started on Women— in film bc she won't stop

very active, sporty, probs trying to parkour around campus

enjoys painting, sketching, simply creating things — often is filming, riding a longboard, working on some kind of little project she'll take too seriously but won't show people until it's perfect

is a little pretentious at times ??? doesn't necessarily mean to be but if it's a debate on a topic she's passionate about ( such as art, film, etc ) then she will try to ensure you know just how knowledgeable she is on it, she's not afraid to flex but she wouldn't outwardly flex for no reason if that makes sense

she also . . . feels p dumb at gallagher tbh, a lot of her strengths lie in her creativity and art and now she’s very ??? wtf am i doing ?? but she will continue to act like she knows !

can speak english, french, german and spanish all pretty fluently, italian well enough to get by, knows a bit of japanese bc she’s . . . a weeb sometimes but also bc of her martial arts

CONNECTIONS

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( SPY ) — so this would more than likely be before her parents divorce, but she’s not against keeping in contact a little if she liked you, it could have also been a family who reached out to her dad afterwards because while he’d move away / hide his location promptly after, he would still help them if they needed it ( 1 / ? )

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( NON SPY ) — same thing, but would have probably been after the divorce, just normal families that her and her dad knew, neighbours, work colleagues, school friends, would more than likely have also needed to be west coast sorta area but if your muse was there briefly, they could have kept in contact once they’d left ( 0 / ? )

LEGACIES — she potentially . . . won’t like you if you’re a legacy and you are egotistical / assholey even a tiny bit, bc that basically proves her argument that they’re ALL like that jshbjsbjs but i wud like her to have legacies that she . . . hates that she likes as well, i think she’ll realise p quickly most are fine lmao

ART HOES — whether they’re into painting as well and they do it together or they let her paint them !

SMOKE / SKATE BUDS — one or the other, both, whatever !!

A HOOK UP THAT’S EITHER ALREADY HAPPENED OR GOING TO — in my head she’s a bit ??? w sex tbh so maybe plot this out a bit more but can be a ?? positive relationship or a negative one idm

CRUSHES !!!!!!!!! — she’s not even been at the school long but im certain she probs has some already

i’m not good w wanted connections so pls just hmu if u have ideas and as usual like dis for plots / jus message me, i’ll be on discord !! if you don’t have/use discord just message me first on tumblr bc otherwise i wont realise jhbsjhbjhbsj

#GOD ITS SO LONG #gallagher:intro

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ziracona · 4 years

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please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness.

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist.

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost.

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

#long post #dead by daylight #dbd #Philip Ojomo #Dwight Fairfield #Jake Park #Claudette Morel #Meg Thomas #I love doing these but I have like 6000 headcanons and I'm not good at picking one TuT I'm happy to do more but please help me give me an #area to focus on I'm dyin' scoob I'm boo boo the fool #Too many thoughts head full #the wraith #ask #anonymous #In Living Memory #In Living Memory (fic)

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jimmymcgools · 4 years

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From ch 17, "Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky." all the way to the absolutely perfect ending! (since I'm about to chonk on this chapter 🥰❤️)

♥️💙♥️💙 thank you so much! this one got long, wow

fic commentary meme and my answers

i am WEAK for an indulgent callback and this ending is the most indulgent and callbacky thing i’ve ever done. i really hoped it would give the chapter a sense of closure and finality -- or at least that’s the excuse i gave myself to go absolutely ham.

Through his airplane window once, Albuquerque had looked like an afterthought, dwarfed by the sky.

i didn’t do it deliberately at the time i wrote chapter one, but at some point i noticed that interesting quirk of jimmy’s very first observation of abq. it’s all sky and mountains and nothing of the actual city: “Albuquerque makes a disgustingly beautiful first impression: the sky as big and curved and blue as he’s always heard it can be, streaked with paintbrush clouds.”

It had looked like something ready to be forgotten

another callback to chapter 1. “Here, the architecture feels almost temporary, as if it’s been carelessly dropped on some enormous play-mat and forgotten.” i always try to use jimmy’s observations of abq to reflect how he feels about himself at that point.

along with the thought of the heavy suitcases that he’d watched slip and shift in the overhead lockers before takeoff

i don’t think it really stands out enough to be anything, but i was stuck for list items here and i ended up trying to fold in some of that slippin’ jimmy gaze. the idea that maybe he’s not only looking at people to read them / figure out how he could scam them, but looking for these liability insurance $$ payouts waiting to happen.

... along with the thought of their drive out to O’Hare, Jimmy silent in the passenger seat of the rental car, the radio off and Chuck’s grip tight on the steering wheel.

oops--just remembered jimmy says chuck’s waiting in a taxi!

Jimmy had listened to the line ring for what felt like forever, each silver chime spinning a silver thread across the city, winding toward his mother’s living room.

more damn callbacks! when he thinks about calling his mother in chapter 9: “He imagines a line emerging from the handset, a thin silvery thread spinning off from his room and his street and then out of Albuquerque, crossing over the Sandias and shooting northeastward, over rivers and fields and Dust Bowl states, until finally arriving in Cicero, in his mother’s living room.”

It echoed through the handset like it was being piped back to him, like the prison phone was just a sick joke, a closed loop, locked inside

so much of acb is jimmy trying to break out of these closed loops

In a bright and steady voice, or at least his brightest and steadiest, he had said, “Hey, Mom. Something’s happened.”

law offices of james m mcgill, how may i direct your call! 🙂

It seems unfamiliar at first, but then the city starts to take shape, and he thinks he can see the squat skyscrapers of downtown, the geometric cubes that rise from the flat land.

i wanted this to be the end point of a series, where jimmy’s first impression is the beginning, and him arriving back from cicero is the middle, and now only here is he finally familiar with the city. the next few sentences are kind of a walk through acb -- "squat skyscrapers of downtown” is similar to how jimmy sees the city in chapter 7 when they go to the movies, then we get central avenue/route 66 “historic and neon-glowed”, and then finally the airport on the “desert shore” like in chapter 14.

Might even see Chuck’s house, still lit by lantern light.

ofc jimmy’s thinking of the luminarias but the dramatic irony here was too good to pass up 🔥🔥🔥

And in the west now, clouds. As the sun vanishes below the horizon, they become briefly clear, shadowed with lilac and orange, and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them.

you’re going to have to forgive me for how damn metaphorical this is gonna get, but thinking of metaphors is one of the big ways i spark ideas for description, and this ending is really just an enormous chunk of description, so 💀

these clouds. these damn clouds. ever since hamlin snr told jimmy to find a space in the world only he can can fit, jimmy’s thoughts have kept returning to that idea -- and his mother’s innocent words, too: “you were really in no shape”. so the idea that, if he can figure out what shape he is, he’ll know which space he can fit.

and throughout the fic when i was stuck on kim description i’d play with light, and the idea of kim being a source of light, like the sun. the fireworks sequence is a big example, where i wanted to make her as bright as the fireworks, or at the holiday party: “Beneath the hanging Christmas lights, she’s luminous.”

so when i wrote “and Jimmy can see their shape by the light on them” i was thinking about him seeing the shape of himself and therefore his place in the world because of kim.

... but the clouds only become briefly clear.

(it’s also a little bit of inspired/stolen phrasing from the end of no country for old men: “and i could see the horn from the light inside of it.”)

If he watched for long enough, he thinks that he could also see them moving slowly, driven by high winds.

oh did you think i was done talking about these clouds? ☁️☁️☁️

this from chapter 11: “A display entitled Surviving in a Moving Landscape shows how the dunes can shift almost forty feet a year in places, driven by high winds”

“surviving in a moving landscape” ♥️ i always thought that was a really nice way to look at the characters of bcs. they’re the animals in the dunes having to adapt to survive, but also the dunes themselves. moving slowly because of these intangible forces on them, adapting to the forces, but changing forever for it.

The winds move through him, too, hollowing him out.

a future callback, i borrowed "hollowing him out” again for chapter 5 of safs, so keep an eye out 👁

In the darkness, the flat land below the Sandias seems to go on forever, black and flickering with dying embers: scorched earth.

if i had seen this specific image of abq from the sandias before i wrote the chapter, the light on the clouds would’ve been the city lights of abq -- even BETTER than the sunset! look at it! LOOK!

He can even smell them on the wind: the woodsmoke scent of evening

jimmy thinks of night smelling like woodsmoke on their drive along route 66, and then again on the forecourt of clines corners. bringing that back here with the idea that it’s coming from those imaginary fires of the city lights.

And he thinks that his whole life since arriving in Albuquerque has been like a controlled burn: searing away the silk shirts and the fake Rolexes and the ice of Michigan Avenue until nothing remains—breath on a cold mirror vanishing—a blank slate.

(peter griffin voice 👉AHH, AHH, 👉THERE IT IS)

the end here is inspired by this from “how to embrace a swamp creature” by tmg:

Alone with your bathroom mirror Try to get my head straight Breathe on the glass and wait for it to clear Clean slate

Burned back and clean. So he thinks about what he could build.

jimmy thinking very much like kim here, and especially what she said in the last chapter about the desert being sterile.

He thinks about his brother on a park bench, surrounded by luminarias. He thinks about a paper-wrapped book with fourteen words inside it.

i really wanted there to be some of chuck in this moment, even though i’ve ended up in such a shippery/kim place.

He thinks of letting her move against him, move over him, move around him. Of letting her define the edges of him.

the same idea as the light on the clouds, but hopefully a little more apparent! 😂and more returning images, and the seed planted by kim in the white sands motel.

there’s something so fragile about jimmy’s realisation here, i hope. he really is still doing so much of this for other people. it’s hard -- there’s something about slippin’ jimmy coming to abq and deciding to *dedicate years and years of his life to becoming a lawyer* that’s just... incredible. i tried to get to a place by the end of this fic where it made sense, and of course we all know he ends up doing it, but -- i always wanted there to be this inspiration from within himself to do it, too, outside of him just doing it to follow kim or to make chuck proud.

but i don’t think he’s found it here, as much as the shape of himself is briefly visible atop the sandia peak.

Jimmy wonders if he’s allowed to stay here all night, up on the Sandias. Up on this one high place.

oh jimmy if only you could stay up there forever. hamlin snr voice: perspective!!

He imagines waiting exactly here until the sun returns, until it rises behind him and breaks over the mountains. Like sitting beside Kim on the trunk of her car, their legs pressed together beneath the blanket.

this specific idea of holding off on seeing 🌄morning over the sandias 🌄at the end of chapter 16 came as i was planning that chapter. i was worried that ending with a sunrise would seem too final, seem too much like the ending of the whole story, and that chapter 17 would then end up feeling tacked on.

Then, the dawn had seemed to reach out close enough to touch them, huge and breathless, warm fingers on his skin.

three rapid fire callbacks in these next sentences. first an inverse of this from chapter 6, when kim takes a cup of coffee from him: “He can feel the ghost of her fingers like sunlight on his skin.”

And Jimmy had inhaled the colors of it: blue and gold and orange, streaks of brightness across the enormous sky.

then white sands: “as Jimmy inhales the air and the colors he thinks that there could be nothing more opposite of a Cook County jail cell than this exact spot in the middle of the White Sands National Monument.”

Morning sliding over the land.

and this is so niche and impossible, but it’s “I watch the sun rise over this wall / I watch it break and slide” from “graffiti” by throwing muses, which is on the road trip playlist and shows up in chapter 10 with: “A smile crests Kim’s face like the sun over a wall.” but, you know. callback?

And now he stands on the edge of the viewing platform and he looks out into the darkness of the city. And he imagines it all bathed in light.

i said that i decided to shift the idea of the sunrise here because it felt too much like an ending -- and man, the noise i made when i realised that jimmy imagining the sun rising behind him was jimmy imagining the world before him finally illuminated.

i also loved the idea of the weird clash of him standing there at sunset, at night, and imagining dawn.

🌄🌄🌄☁️☁️☁️ thank you so much for asking!! 💙

#commentary ask meme #asks #the-parallax-of-rain #a controlled burn

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faejilly · 4 years

Note

Not to be suddenly serious on your completely justified salt re: Jace -> my salt was bc s1 Jace was insufferable and frustrating!! Every time I really truly wanted to let it go or maybe cut him some slack bc I'm not entirely unsympathetic to him, he somehow managed to double down on his bs :/ Like I was willing to move on from him acting pissy when werewolves took Clary and the infamous 'maybe your mom..." in 1x05, but he, no, he dropped "yes, you did. you lost her" when Alec said he didn't do

anything Jace hadn't done before. What is worse this shit was followed by his entitled self-righteous behavior in 1x06 like you don't get to treat Alec crappy and then demand his help and act as if he's supposed to simply come around (unpopular opinion but I don't like their scene at the end of 1x06). And this is only one example! Thus, I'm like Alec's punches, verbal and actual ones alike, were lethal and brutal and I'm not unsympathetic to Jace but his stupid dumb ass had it coming

[re: this post]

I mean

I agreed with your salt the first time nonny, but

The show tells us that Jace loves Alec and would die for him. It tells us that he’s a good Shadowhunter, an excellent fighter and a valued soldier. That means that for everyone to believe such things (and they clearly do), historically he gets the job done, values the parabatai bond itself (we see that he was the one who pushed for it, in fact) and regularly protects Alec to the best of his ability. The show explicitly tells us all these things, makes it clear that’s how everyone else views their relationship, that that past is both well-known and well-supported by the other characters’ behavior.

Does the show actually show us any of that beyond a few brief moments in s1? No. But. It’s not, on a technical level, a very good show. It frequently says one thing and shows something else and clearly never notices the disconnect.

This means, if we’re stupidly invested in the characters (like I am, obviously) we need to look at the show and decide what we think canon was trying to say, whether that’s actually what it said or not.

Where does that leave us with Jace?

You can absolutely look at canon and decide Jace is a spoiled asshole who they’d mostly be better off without. (Obviously that’s not where I ended up, but you do you, darlings. It’s ok to hate the fictional character, god knows there are a ton of them I think their assorted media would be better without.)

Is he a con artist who wants to be thought of as a good man and has somehow fooled the entire NY Institute with his charm and ability to kill things? (Jace would say yes, he has several moments where he refers to himself as irredeemable, or monstrous, or dark, or useless. He believes he’s a terrible person.) This is, tbqh, supported by a lot of his behavior towards Alec, he’s lashing out and cruel and dismissive in a way that is very hard to watch, and doesn’t seem to actually have much to do with Clary at all, even though she’s positioned as the reason for this behavior. (I think, instead, she is, as usual, the catalyst for change rather than the cause.)

But Alec and Izzy clearly adore him, and they’re not generally tolerant of cruelty.

So what the fuck is he doing?

Jace was an abused child, who’s still very young, and is aggressively against any sort of self-assessment or self-reflection, because he’s sure if he looks too closely he’s going to see that he’s a monster, that his father broke him, that there’s no coming back from that. (And in some ways, he’s right, he’ll never know what it’s like to be a person who wasn’t abused, and for as long as he tries to pretend it doesn’t matter, he’s never going to be able to set it aside.) So he doesn’t, on any deep level, know who he is. He relies on other people to define himself. (He relies on Alec, and then Izzy, and then the rest of the Lightwoods, and after that maybe everyone else, but clearly they’re not that important.)

I think, based on how angry he is when Simon tries to call out his behavior towards Alec, how confused he is when Alec isn’t just always there at his shoulder for whatever insanity he’s trying to do next, Jace’s entire life is framed around an idealized version of Alec as his center.

He doesn’t really relate to Alec as a person. Alec is his proof of humanity. Alec is his parabatai, they share souls, Alec is the reason Jace isn’t entirely a monster.

Just mostly.

Now, Jace knows Alec is gay. Jace cannot deal with that fact, because Shadowhunters are not allowed to be gay. Jace seems aware of this in a way that Isabelle isn’t, seems aware that if Alec is forced out of the closet that he could lose his brother, his anchor, his soul-bond.

And I like to think it’s because of Michael Wayland.

The show never addresses this, but the books do, and we know everyone making the show read the books, so. We have Jace, who knows his “father” was Robert’s parabatai, (that’s why he got sent to the Lightwoods after his father’s death, after all) and also that, despite being parabatai, they weren’t together anymore. Their bond was so weak Robert didn’t even know when Michael died. (He can’t have, or Valentine’s masquerade never would’ve worked.) It’s not an entirely unreasonable leap to assume Jace would’ve wanted to know why, how such a thing happened to a literal soul-bond... and that he found out that Michael was gay, and that was probably why he’d been “exiled” away to his estate. Whether Michael self-exiled to get away from Robert’s reaction, or Robert discreetly ‘encouraged’ him to get away from The Clave kind of doesn’t matter... the end result was that Jace was alone in the Wayland Estate (with a monstrous father) for the first ten years of his life, and he can’t let that happen again, not to himself, and not to Alec.

(Is this in canon anywhere? No, but it fits, and I like it, so.)

If Alec admits he’s gay, Jace will lose him. So Jace can’t let him do that. Which means he clearly can’t ever address Alec’s infatuation with him, either. Which means a lot of conversations about emotions or friendship or personal beliefs can’t be had, because Jace is always almost as much on guard against Alec’s secrets as Alec is, and every time they don’t talk about any of the things they know about each other, that’s another layer of armor between them and the truth (and a better relationship).

But that’s ok with Jace because he’s doing it for Alec. (Whether it seems like that to Alec himself or not.) Alec is the one who made sure the Lightwoods were Jace’s family, not just a place to stay. Alec saved him, from his father, from his past, from a future where he never did anything right.

There’s a line when they’re outside the City of Bones, when Alec is asking Jace why this girl? and Jace says something about Lightwoods take in strays, don’t they? And he is so clearly trying to be a Lightwood, (not just Jace Wayland), trying to do for Clary what Alec did for him, making that behavior an explicit compliment to Alec. (I am being like you.)

And instead of affirming that, yes you’re a Lightwood, yes you’re doing the right thing, yes you’re saving someone, I’m so proud of you, Alec says you’re nothing like her.

Now, Alec says “you were never a stray” because protecting Jace & Izzy is important enough to him that he’s afraid of protecting Clary, because it’s going to put Jace & Izzy in danger. He’s saying you’re better than her, you’re more important to me.

But what Jace hears is you’re not doing the same thing, you’re not doing the right thing, you’re not like me.

And for all there’d been sniping and aggravation earlier, for all Jace met Clary and went ooooh, shiny, and made a whole slew of reckless decisions, I really believe that that moment outside the City of Bones is when their relationship broke. (Which makes the fact that the physical conflict in their relationship breaks free outside the City of Bones as well several episodes later surprisingly poetic.)

So now, for the first time, Alec disagrees with Jace, and Jace can tell he’s serious about it... and Jace thinks he’s wrong. And Jace doesn’t know what to do with that. (If Alec is an ideal rather than a person, than Alec can’t do anything wrong, and Alec going along with all of Jace & Izzy’s shenanigans must mean they weren’t that wrong either, not that Alec is too over-protective and has massive issues regarding responsibility and self-esteem and personal value.)

When someone falls off the pedestal you’ve put them on, it’s only human nature to blame them for failing you, rather than realize that pedestal wasn’t fair and you’re the one who put them up there, and pushed them off again when they couldn’t meet your impossible expectations. So Jace lashes out, because how dare you, the only person I could trust and respect unconditionally, be wrong!

Which is egregiously unfair, so I agree, he deserved Alec practically trying to kill him, though it’s obviously horrifying that that’s how far it had to go for him to realize what he was doing.

But it’s not surprising, both because of his inability to look at himself and that pedestal he’s got Alec on... it would take something cataclysmic to break through both those mindsets.Which is why it took Clary breaking the entire Shadow World to also break their issues out into the open. They were both too well-guarded to do it themselves.

#shadowhunters #sh meta #my sh rambling #jace wayland #jace lightwood #parabatai feels #I guess?#sorry nonny this got a little out of hand #again #*snorts*#Anonymous #jilly answers

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transrightsjimin · 3 years

Text

facemasks are FINALLY mandatory in at least a bit more places in the Netherlands since December 1st, nd my municipality sent us two disposable facemasks this week along w a message that the letter is meant to make us feel less lonely? we've been in this pandemic for 10 months now and only recently do i see more ppl in (poorly worn) face masks 💀💀💀 fucking hell, initially a lot of types of face masks weren't even allowed to be worn in public transport, which was the only place a few months after that where you were obligated to wear one, bc we were told medical face masks were scarse nd would take away from the ones medical staff need, which in reality turned out not to be the case at all nd there were a lot of fuckups in receiving help from otyer countries or rather refusing to.

but ALSO there are still potential plans to allow more groups of people to gather together for christmas like R U FUCKING KIDDING ME my mom recently asked if i had big plans for christmas or if i wanted to wait until the PM's announcement nd i was just like??? neither???!!?

like the dutch governments role in this whole thing is making PSAs with information that is a bit off and already too lax when compared to the WHO's advice, but also the only actual policies were barely there nd kept being dropped

while the dumbass self entitled general public that has no sense of community or empathy has acted like jackasses for months abt the idea of wearing masks or social distancing nd were only prepared to take covid measures if enforced by law WHICH IT MOSTLY ISNT

at the start of the pandemic, the fucking dutch government donated MILLIONS to the airport of Schiphol and flight corporation KLM despite the owners making enough money anyway, homeless ppl still arent given permanent shelter, nd the already deteriorating social systems nd underfunded sectors will now prob get budget cuts again, that the working class have to pay for in not only taxes but moreover through losing jobs, cultural facilities, and housing. fucking hell, the main reason the hospitals have no capacity for covid patients and other patients is these very budget cuts on healthcare, leading to hospitals having to close before this pandemic started!! im fucking tired of capitalism nd the apathy in this country nd normalized fascism that blames the very immigrants who are either exploited here or dying at the borders of fort europe, blaming them for the very shit that the people racists vote for have caused to the domestic economy!!!!

my cousin has covid, my 85 yr old demented grandma has covid nd is getting extra oxygen transferred(? is that the word), my capitalist uncle nd aunt flew here from the US to first get tested nd then visit her in this suit thing nd theyre staying here in the home of dutch friends who r currently in the dutch colony Curaçao which makes me even more frustrated bc these white people can just go on vacation in this dutch colony while the actual population was fucked over by the dutch government nd left jobless in the pandemic nd told to suck it up nd once ppl revolted, the dutch govt sent the military to 'regulate'. like wtf and white dutchies just travel to carribeans from a covid-infested country for their fun little vacation bc oh it is so suffocating when at home in a safe home!! like the fucking privilege of it all!! like im so fucking tired nd sick of this crap!!! im SICK of it all nd i dont even have the fucking virus

#rambles #ok to rb #dutch stuff

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mitchsmarners · 4 years

Note

You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to bc I know (and agree with) your ST3 feelings lol but I was going through your ST tag and got emo so,,,, 8. “Well…this is where I live.” for byeler? 🥺 ily btw

Byeler + #8: “Well… this is where I live.”

Author’s note: Logan! This got so long, I apologize lmao. Happy Stranger Things Day to Logan and Logan specifically. This plot has nothing to do with the prompt at all, but I hope you like it anyway! I needed to get my Mike feelings and dwellings OUT of my brain!

Warning: Vague notions of potentially suicidal thoughts (aka references to 1x06- the monster.)

Will didn’t need any sort of supernatural telepathy to know that something was off. He didn’t feel it like goosebumps on the back of his neck or a sudden shaking of his hands. It something deeper, an unsettled feeling in his stomach. A jumping, something just beyond what he was able to describe. Almost like being nervous but… nervous without a cause.

“What’s wrong?” El asked, sitting across from in cafeteria. Dustin, never far behind El these days, sat beside her with his face buried in a large bag of salt and vinegar chips. Despite the worry in his gut, a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips at the thought of the disgusted face and fake gagging Lucas would dramatize at the sight. “You are being quiet today.”

“I’m always quiet.” Will said, slowing pulling the crusts off his tuna sandwich. Dustin pulled a disgusted look at the sandwich of choice, as though he wasn’t currently ripping the bag of chips open and licking at the salt directly from the inside.

El didn’t seem to so much as blink as she sat across the table from him. She was staring him down with unwavering intensity and Will knew what she was going to say before the words had a chance to leave her mouth. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Friends don’t lie.”

He chose to ignore that he and El were a little more than friends at this point. Since the… horrific events at the Starcourt Mall four months ago- the loss of Hopper- El had moved into the Byers House. After three weeks of sharing a bed, and sharing a bedroom since then, Will knew they had a connection that was much deeper than simply being friends. In the deepest, and most innocent of ways, El was his other half. Maybe friends didn’t lie, but Will couldn’t lie. Not to El.

“I just feel weird today.” Will said with half a shrug. “It’s not a big deal. It happens.”

El frowned, eye still narrowed. Will reached across the table and gripped her hand. Her expression softened, and she squeezed Will’s hand back even though he knew it wasn’t comfortable. Even over a year later, Will Byers still struggled to stay warm.

Lucas and Max loudly made their way over then, chattering (arguing? Sometimes it was hard to tell) and Will felt his heart sink when he realized that Mike wasn’t with them. El squeezed his hand once more before pulling away. Will thought maybe he saw her drop under the table towards Dustin, but well- Will wasn’t going to dwell on that. Everybody was entitled to their secrets, he knew all about that.

“Where’s Mike?” Will asked Max as she sat down beside him. Lucas, as predicted, had launched right into an argument with Dustin over the empty bag of chips. Max rolled her eyes at them, and immediately turned to grab fries of Dustin’s tray while he wasn’t paying attention.

“Dunno.” Max said through a mouthful. Will frowned and her could feel El watching them. “Asked to go the bathroom halfway through last period and never came back. Guess he took off.”

“Mike wouldn’t do that.” Will said loyally. Lucas and Dustin’s debate slowed to silence and El stared down at her hands. Max was looking at Will almost sadly. Because Mike had been doing stuff like that lately.

“Well, where could he go?” Will asked heavily, leaning forward on his elbows. He rested his chin on his tightened fists. “It’s not like he’s going to go home in the middle of the day. If he’s not here, where would he go?”

Nobody had any answer for him, and the table was quiet for a moment before Dustin caught Max attempting to steal more fries from his tray and they quickly fell back into chaos. Will continued to shred the bread into tiny pieces and they tossed the baggie into the garbage as the bell rang for class.

“Hey, Will.” Dustin called after him. Will turned around and frowned. He’d thought he’d been trailing behind the rest of his friends but it seemed while he had been lost in his own thoughts, he’d walked a little faster than he’d thought. Dustin was walking towards him, El by his side. Her arm was definitely linked with Dustin’s, cheek against his shoulder in an all too familiar stance. Will raised his brow at her and El smiled shyly.

Not ready to talk about it. Will could understand that.

“What’s up?” Will asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dustin cleared his throat, scratching at the back of his head with the hand that wasn’t currently in El’s grip. “I think I might know where Mike is.” Dustin said, voice low. Will took a step closer to hear him better. “I mostly pretend I.. don’t know he goes there. But before I tell you, there’s something else you need to know first.”

Will looked between Dustin and El, Dustin looking in dead in the face and El staring off slightly in the distance with an angry frown on her face. . “What is it?”

“It’s uhm.” Dustin swallowed roughly. “When you were… missing… something happened. With Mike.” Will felt his breath begin to pick up, and El’s gaze jerked up from the floor to look at him. “Lucas doesn’t know, either. Things were just really crazy, and by the time everything had calmed down, and you were back and El…” A pained expression came over Dustin face and he cleared his throat again, eyes dropping away from Will’s for the first time since he’d started speaking. “Mike didn’t want to bother you guys with it, and I didn’t think anything of it but. I don’t know if he ever got over it.”

Will glanced between Dustin and El again, willing himself to breathe normally. “What is it? Dustin, seriously, just tell me, just-”

“Mike and I ran into Troy at the top of the Quarry cliff.” Dustin spit out. “The same one the police were saying you fell off and drowned. El had made Troy piss himself in front of everybody at your service for upsetting Mike-” El gave a half smirk, and Dustin matched it-”and he was so pissed. He grabbed and he pulled a knife. He threatened to cut my baby teeth out if Mike didn’t jump.”

“Jump off the Quarry?” Will asked, voice feeling stuck in his chest. “That’s…”

“Psychotic?” Dustin said darkly. “Yeah. It is. I tried to beg him not to jump, but-”

“Wait, he jumped?” Will squawked, then looked around wildly. The cafeteria had completely emptied and Will shook his head. “He jumped off the Quarry? How is he even alive? This doesn’t make any sense-”

“I saved him.” El interrupted Will’s panicked rambling. “With my powers. I held above the water and brought him back up to the top. I saved him.”

Will held eye contact with El for a long time, matching pained expressions on their faces. The difference being, El was from memories and Will’s were from horrified images drawn up from his imagination.

“He didn’t so much jump as just…” Dustin pursed his lips. “He just walked up to the ledge and stepped off. One second he was there, and the next he was disappearing into thin air. And Troy was holding me back, I couldn’t get to him if I tried. I thought he was gone, man.”

Will’s stomach was fully in his throat now, hands shaking at his side. El reached out and took Will’s shaking hand with her free one, uniting the three of them in some sort of half circle.

“I saved him.” El repeated firmly. “I saved him. He’s okay.”

Will nodded and closed his eyes. Images flashed in his mind, getting back from the Upside Down to find out Mike had died while he was gone. He wasn’t sure he could imagine anything worse, having to go through everything that came after without him. Or maybe he never would have gotten back at all, without Mike.

“But he still goes there. I think.” Dustin said quietly. “He said something once, after the mall that made me think but I never knew how to bring it up. But if you’re looking for him, that’s where he might be.”

Will nodded and forced himself to return the smile El gave him as they walked out of the cafeteria. Will sighed. Looks like he wasn’t going to be making it to his afternoon classes, either.

He skidded to a stop near the top of the cliff, and he spotted Mike immediately. He was sitting up at the top, legs dangling over the edge. Will walked towards him, slowly to not startled Mike over the edge. There was no El here to catch him, and after Starcourt… she couldn’t even if she needed to.

“Go away Dustin.” Mike said. His voice was deeper than usual, thick with what Will knew must have been tears. Will’s heart clenched in his chest.

“It’s not Dustin, Mike.” Will said softly.

Mike flinched slightly and turned away from the edge, looking up at Will with big, wide eyes. “What are you doing here? Your mom is going to be so freaked when you find out you bailed out in the middle of the day.”

“And yours isn’t?” Will inquired, taking a seat next to Mike with his feet dangling off the edge of the world. “You know what I was thinking the whole way over here?” Will asked and Mike hummed in response, stubbornly not looking at him. “I was thinking that the worst thing I could imagine was if I came back from the Outside Down and you weren’t here.”

Mike squeezed his eyes shut. “Who told you? Dustin or El?”

“Both?” Will said with a forced laughed. “They’re sort of a package deal now, if you hadn’t noticed.”

Mike crinkled his brow, opened his mouth then shut it quickly. “Why did you come here?” He asked. “You shouldn’t have come. I’m just. My sister calls it agonizing.” He said the last word in higher pitched, but almost cripplingly angry voice.

Will wanted to reach out to hold his hand, but couldn’t. Best friends since kindergarten or not, but Mike wasn’t El and Will couldn’t just hold his hand. “You guys are fighting again?”

“No.” Mike said shortly. “It’s not- this isn’t about anything, I just.” Mike shook his head. “Well.. this is where I live.”

Will frowned. “What?”

Mike squeezed his eyes shut and his bottom lip shook. Will’s hands twitched in his lap, desperate to give comfort he didn’t know how. “It’s like. I didn’t hit the water but I never really came up either. It’s so stupid that after everything we’ve been through, all the monsters and bullshit we’ve seen and been through- it’s the water coming up to greet me I dream about.”

Will through his judgment away as he tossed an arm around Mike’s shoulder. He squeezed Mike tightly and tried to ignore how his best friend shook beside him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Mike said. “I can’t believe I’m crying to you about this like a bitch. You’ve been through so much, all of you have, and I can’t even-”

“It’s not a race, Mike.” Will said softly. “We all went through stuff and we help each other. Okay? We can’t help you if keep it from us.”

“No, I just-“ Mike hands were shaking between his knees and Will rubbed at Mike’s back. “It’s like I went into the Upside Down at all, or like my dad died or my brother or I got kidnapped by Russian spies or-”

“Stop.” Will said sharply. Mike whipped to look at him, guilty. “You’re not any less of a victim then any of us.”

“I am though.” Mike said so quietly that Will almost didn’t hear it.

He grabbed Mike by the shoulders and tugged him to look at him. They sat nose to nose. “Don’t say that. You lead everybody to find me when I disappeared. You watched the girl you love disappear into thin air and spend an entire year being the only person who still thought she was alive.”

“I saw them pull your body from the water.” Mike said, eyes dancing over Will’s face. Will’s heart nearly exploded in his chest. “We all did. Lucas, Dustin, El.. We were all there and they found you. You were dead and I… I didn’t even know how I supposed to keep existing. What I was going to do next.”

Mike swallowed roughly and turned away, looking over the across the almost black water. “That mouthbreather Troy told me to jump and I looked down and I thought. Maybe you were dead. Or you weren’t and we’d never find you and that would be my fault. For chasing El away, for getting rid of the chance to find you.”

Will stared at Mike’s face, mouth half open.

“I don’t even remember jumping, Will.” Mike said in a broken voice. “I just remember thinking you were gonna die, and then the water was coming up to my face.”

Will let out a short, rough breath and grabbed Mike’s face. He kissed him quickly, so quickly that he pulled back before Mike even seemed to have reacted to what had happened.

“I’m right here.” Will said, tears in his eyes. “I’m here because you never gave up on finding me or helping me after you got me back. Okay? So this thoughts, wherever they come from, and whatever they are… we can past them but you have to talk to me. Or El. Or Nancy… somebody… Okay?”

Mike was staring at Will with a dazed expression.

“Okay?” Will pressed him again, squeezing Mike’s shoulders.

“Okay.” Mike breathed out, nodding once. He and Will held eye contact for a long moment before Mike’s nose crinkled up. “Wait. What were saying about Dustin and El?”

Will laughed.

#stranger things fic #stranger things fanfiction #byeler #byler #byeler fic #byler fic #logan :)

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hobiwonder · 5 years

Text

~just relax, dummy~ | (m)

Pairing: Tae x reader

Genre: Insomnia AU.

Warnings: smut. porn watching. foreplay. exam stress.

words: 2.1k

Summary: tae has been promoted to ‘bf’ status and he’s using it to get you to relax before your exams.

a/n: request was that tae distracts you from studies bc you're stressed so here ya go. i added it to the Insomnia AU so new readers; maybe read that first. not proof read as always. i got carried away bc this tae is a little shit and too adorable. i hope you guys like. let me know :)

“Taehyung, stop.” You shrug your shoulder when he’s resting his head on it for the hundredth time and this was not the time for him to be distracting you. You had your genetics exam in two days and you still had two modules to go through!

“No you.” He mumbles like the five year old he is before resting his chin on your shoulder again to see what you were doing. Which was mostly just taking notes, colour coordinating them according to the topic and the questions that could be on the exam.

“Tae!” You shrug his off again – a tad bit more aggressive than you were going for and he ends up bumping back into your bed frame as a yelp leaves his mouth because of hitting his head on it.

“Ow.” The pout is visible and you are instantly turning around to rub at his scalp, mumbling your apologies while he revels in the attention.

“Ugh. Sorry. I’m just stressed. I didn’t mean to.” You’re gently rubbing his scalp as he watches you with the cutest pout on his face. Your boyfriend was cute as fuck ugh. Shortly after being in a friends-with-benefits arrangement, he’d finally asked you out. And you’d taken even longer to come to terms with the fact that you’d be in a relationship with one of the most popular man on campus and you were not ready to leave the little you’d been in for a while. Minding your business and enjoying your studies. But of course, this was new for Taehyung as well. The boy had been a slut – full offense to him – before he swore to be monogamous and asked you out.

The change in your life had seriously taken a toll on your studious nature because it was so easy for the handsome boy with his golden skin and broad shoulders to distract you. Whether it was you two going out to do normal boyfriend-girlfriend stuff or back at your dorm clung to each other like koalas. Though it never ended up as innocent as you always wanted to keep it. He was your safe haven to explore everything you’d only thought or fantasized about – which wasn’t too much until you’d come to know him – because that boy was game for anything. Anything. It was thrilling and kind of scary all at once but you were falling deepr and deeper for him because of the side of him that only came out to you as cliché as it sounds. He was a great listener. He’d figured you out so quick and knew exactly how to wind you down – help you through your panic attacks after you’d started to see the psychologist for your insomnia which was a story for another day.

What you are trying to say was that – he’s your now. And you want him to be in your tomorrow too. And that was saying something coming from a girl who’d let everyone go in her life to become someone so she didn’t have to rely on anyone. Taehyung was understanding, he didn’t pressure you but boy did he know how to slacken your guard. Which was exactly what his stupid handsome face was doing as you tried to study.

“You’re way too worried babe. You’re the second smartest girl I know. You’ll kill this exam.” Your frown doesn’t go unnoticed and taehyung just smiles his adorable smile.

“Who’s the first one? All your friends are at best average, no offense, at their studies.”

“Oh none taken. I was talking about my mom.” Your eyes widen – smile threatening to break because you almost forgot that he was a complete mama’s boy.

“oh of course. How could I forget.” He only chuckles before kissing your cheek sweetly while your gentle rubbing where he’d hit head had turn in to a scalp massage. He was such an attention seeker. Like a puppy. Yup. He was a giant puppy you somehow adopted.

“What you do need to forget about though,” he takes his hands off his head, bringing them to his lap to hold them with his own and looking at you so seriously you’re perking up too – he may actually have a good sugges-”

“We need to watch porn and get your mind off this exam.”

You spoke too soon.

“Ow! Stop abusing your boyfriend! You’re so violent …gosh you turn me on.” You throw the cushion in your lap at his head – perfectly aiming.

He only smirks, wiggling his eyebrows before he’s reaching behind him and grabbing your laptop from the bed – you both were sitting on the floor which he still objected to. Entitled asshole. Good thing you liked him. You couldn’t go to his house because you weren’t ready to be heard by the whole frat house. You were uh – loud, just a little. But it was Taehyung’s fault. He was too good at sex things ugh. Fuck him. Wait you had. You chuckle to yourself remembering last night.

“What are you giggling about.” He’s typing something on your laptop that you can’t see but when he glances at you he’s grinning, “ see? I knew you wanted me to distract you.”

“Even so, my mind din;t exactly think up watching porn together you horn dog. Is sex ever off your mind?”

“Nope.” He doesn’t look up when he replies. Only asking you to sit on his lap after he’s done typing and has set the laptop on the side – the back of it facing you.

“No way. I’m not going to sit on you Tae. I still remember how it went the last time I did that.” Which you riding him reverse cowgirl. Yup. He was a major horn dog and he kind of melted your brain whenever he was around and you two ended up just going at it for hours – gosh even your sense of time was at risk when he was around.

“Just come here you party pooper.” When you shake your head again, glaring at him he sighs like you’re the one being unreasonable.

“I have to study!”

“You need to have a break…. We can make fun of the terrible plot?” Your lips are pursing at the suggestion. Hm. You did like to dislike things. A lot. Especially people.

“Ugh… fine. I choose the clip!” Taehyung only smirks wider as he pats his lap with the greasiest look and you can’t help but laugh at his goofy face.

“Stop. You’re making me rethink my decision.” He just rolls his eyes as you settle between his legs, his on either side of you as he rests the laptop near your knees so both of you could see the explicit contents of the screen that have you blushing already. Everything was just so… out. Penises everywhere. Ugh. They were ugly. Why didn’t tae look this ugly? He had a pretty one. Thank god. Wait what is happening to your brain.

“y/n, pick already. You’ve been staring too long.”

“R-Right.” You scroll through the site, most videos containing pictures of girls with semen all over their faces and wow… you can’t believe this was actually, kind of, tiny bit, arousing you. And you hadn’t even clicked on one yet. After another minute of scrolling – one catches your eyes. The thumbnail contains a close up of a girl’s vagina with a veiny hand caressing her folds.

“Slow, clit rubbing orgasm.” Taehyung reads the title out loud and you just notice how close he was to your ear. His voice had dropped an octave and before you know it, he’s clicked on it when he notices you pause on the video for a little too long.

“You want to watch this baby?” His voice is soft and he’s leaning over to look at your face from the side – his larger frame has you surrounded and his hands have slipped around your waist. Incapable of words at the moment – why were you so affected so suddenly? God, he was right again – you just nod. You did need to unwind.

The video has nothing else but a close up of the girl’s labia, pussy spread apart and swollen as a hand – considerably larger than her smaller hips, much like you and taehyung – is softly caressing her folds. The man is spreading the wetness around to lubricate for a smoother glide and you both can now hear the girl’s soft mewls. Taehyung is watching you. You can tell because his gaze is almost burning the side of your head. But you’re too in to the video that you don’t care that he can probably see each shift in your breath, expression and posture.

The wetness in your undies isn’t unnoticed by you as much as you try to ignore it.

“She likes it.”

“uh-huh.” Taehyung chuckles at how mesmerised you sound. Your lip is being held hostage by your teeth, hands suddenly grabbing at Taehyung’s wide thighs, watching the incredibly hot scene unfold right in front of you. There is nothing to make fun of for you in this video, damnit. The man in the video has now started to gently circle the girl’s clitoris, never breaking pace, pulling back the hood of her clit to zero in on the spot as her soft mewls turn in to needy moans. God, this was hot.

“You would like it too, huh? You like it when I rub your clit?” Taehyung’s words aren’t helping you snap out of this haze – instead pushing you further in to the lust that was fogging up your brain.

“Y-Yeah.” His hands are gently massaging your waist and you’re trying not to squirm on his lap. The man on the screen is still insistently rubbing the girl’s clit, slowly but surely building her up. Just then, Taehyung’s hands – both of them – slipped inside your shorts and it’s even easier for him to locate your clit and start palming it gently because of the missing piece if underwear. You always went commando at home and Taehyung loved it.

“T-Tae, not now i-I have to- fuck.” The high pitched moan comes out automatically when you glance down, watching Taehyung’s vascular hand inside your shorts as his long fingers slowly work your clit – mimicking the actions of the man on the screen. You’re still watching the video, the girl is louder than ever and now her legs are twitching – all the while Taehyung is slowly building up a pace on your clit, rubbing small circles on it as his other hand spreads he wetness that’s leaking steadily from your pussy. The feeling of one of his hands constantly rubbing your clit in wide circles and the other caressing your swollen labia and rubbing the swollen nether lips is indescribable. You feel like you have a fever and your hands are scratching at his thighs while you can’t take your eyes off the erotic video.

“Shh. Just let me make you cum baby. Relax.” You can only moan in response, your legs now over his own as you are spread open like you’d been countless times before. He loved having you on his lap. But when Taehyung slips two fingers from his other hand inside your clenching walls, the video is all but forgotten.

“Tae! F-fuck. Right there.” He’s rubbing the spongy spot inside your channel – not thrusting, just grinding his fingers inside you while his other rubs away at your swollen, blood reddened clit.

“Right here baby?” Your dry sob confirms his rhetorical question’s answer as you pant in his lap, head lolling back in his chest. You were so close.

“Cum for me baby. All over my hand.” And that’s all it takes before you’re grabbing fistful of his trousers in your hands as Taehyung still continues to rub your clit at the same pace and when you do cum – it’s nothing like what you’ve experienced before.

“Oh god! Tae.” You’re crying out as wave after wave goes through your already weary body. The blissful climax seems to last forever, slowly washing over you – just like the not slow and not fast paced rubbing he was giving you - your clit twitching every time Taehyung’s fingers swiped over it.

You’re heaving, limp in his lap when you’ve finally come down from your high, laptop all but forgotten on the side. Taehyung gently leans down to your head that’s resting back on his chest – taking out a hand from your short to push his sullied fingers in your mouth that you eagerly suck with a moan.

Taking out his fingers – he replaces them with his mouth, taking your lips in a sweet and dep kiss that has you sighing in contentment. For the next few minutes, he just kisses you slowly, tangling his tongue with yours – just some good old making out (what Taehyung would call it). You had become fluent in Taehyung speak.

“You’ll do great baby. Take it easy on yourself.” A soft kiss is placed on your forehead while your eyes automatically close, nestling your face in his neck.

God, you’d fallen hard for this horn dog.

a/n: i love this giant puppy. thanks for reading and please do drop by to let me know what you thought.

#bts #bts smut #taehyung x reader #taehyung #insomnia drabble

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