i was thinking about reborn au & the iwa chunin exams and i..... genuinely do not know what tori can actually do?? cut also contains me whining about timing of events

okay, so my timeline:

i usually do everything timeline-wise relevant to team 7's age, so: itachi is ~5 years older than sasuke, which makes tori ~4 years older. i headcanon the hyuuga affair as being part of the end of the third shinobi war, so tori would be ~7 when that happened.

the ame trio prevent a lot of fighting happening in rain country, so sound is actually a lot worse off than the original timeline (although tori... doesn't know this). her adoptive clan is having SEVERE supply issues so she doesn't actually get much instruction with anything metal until orochimaru officially unites the sound country clans into oto. i'm debating the effect of ame not being the stage for war having the effect of making it last longer, so tori is anywhere from 8 to 10 when suddenly she's part of oto

i'm not sure what orochimaru implements in terms of training? the Vibe i was going for is that he wants to improve childhood training because his next move is going to be icing out (or murdering) the adults bc he wants a hoard of shinobi who are 100% loyal to him. idk, maybe he unites them before the end of the war and sends a lot of adults to their deaths. so tori might have actual instruction from like 7-8?

i don't think tori actually LIKES most training. she doesn't super care about being a badass; she wants to research how chakra works and make a lot of insane seals to test her theories. so she taps out of training whenever she can in oto, which becomes increasingly often as she's given more independence as a researcher.

i think orochimaru would base any training program on the konoha academy curriculum, so tori definitely knows the basic 3 jutsu. since she spends all her time thinking about chakra, i think i'll let her have pretty good instincts on how to mold chakra. she rarely struggles to learn ninjutsu, but she doesn't have a ton of chakra and she doesn't have a lot of motivation or teachers available. no one's formally taught her treewalking bc anything beyond the basic training in oto is sort of chaotic and she doesn't have a built in family structure to learn it from, so she's self-taught (she self-taught wrong LMAO) and also she didn't really bother with it until she fled oto. i'm going to let her know some techniques which are TECHNICALLY medical but she learned from orochimaru to do surgery in the name of science. she doesn't like using them in combat because they're..... messy

i think orochimaru is the type to make children fight each other. tori relies a lot of children just being kind of stupid rather than any actual combat skills, but as she gets older this strategy works less well. her taijutsu is therefore....... iffy. for weapons she's most competent with a staff (from the ol' bamboo pole days) but she doesn't like it bc it's very Sound Country(tm) and she doesn't really identify as an Oto-nin. her aim with a kunai is... okay?

With Team 4, I think Kushina really quickly is like "okay, so this team is about making sure tori can hit someone properly (and me teaching this one transport seal to her for the mission)" and tori just doesn't think this is very fair. why aren't you teaching her MORE seals, instead? They only get ~3 months so i don't think she makes insane progress, but she gets better!!

tori's fighting style is very "i will seem harmless until very suddenly I Am Not" so she gets kind of into trying to come up with a technique that gives her a one-hit kill. for this she turns to misapplied medical jutsu and kushina is just like "wow, horrifying, keep it up."

(fuinjutsu is actually pretty tricky to incorporate into active combat, because even if you have pre-made seals, it'll take you a hot second to active them, which is often a hot second too many)

tori's skills are all over the place in a way that seems completely illogical unless you ARE her, and also her measuring stick is Akatsuki, so tori is like "oh yeah, no, i think the average genin could obliterate me?" but the SECOND she realizes that winning her first tournament match means she'll fight itachi, she's like "actually i am going to dedicate my whole month of training to that fight" with the assumption she'll just win against unknown genin #2. whatever, tori knows what a real threat looks like

(also, a WEIRD part of the team 4 dynamic from an outsider's POV is that itachi and deidara don't, like.... disrespect tori? yeah her taijutsu is horrific but also she's INCREDIBLY skilled in a handful of other areas and they're acutely aware of this, but like. they shouldn't be LMAO)

anyway, i want them to run into sasori on a mission, and ORIGINALLY i was going to make this their one c-rank pre-exam. but also i think the exam is the turning point for minakushi to be like "ONE OF US" wrt deidara & tori, and i think "buddies with sasori????" would uuuuh not fly (at least with mianto) until after this turning point. so my new concept for their pre-exam c-rank is they run into chump shinobi and kushina is like "NO TORI HAS TO FIGHT THEM" even though literally any other member of team 4 could win in their sleep. she believes in you, tori!!!

so i think the sasori mission happens post exam? i'm not 100% sure how team 4 functions post-exam. it seems like kind of a waste to have itachi & deidara running c-ranks (esp itachi since he already has a record with konoha), but maybe minato is like "hey buddy..... so upon reflection and reviewing a lot of your files, maybe you should have friends your age??" so then the Point of Team 4 becomes integrating tori & deidara into konoha, and they take progressively more insane missions. the missions get more insane & less frequent as they figure out their own paths. itachi steadily starts getting tapped for ANBU again and tori starts rotating in R&D and gets strong armed into field medic training. i think deidara..... would also go into R&D, because his art is technically jutsu development. this is the funniest thing that's ever happened to tori

tori STILL doesn't like training but she has to log a certain number of hours to maintain her status as an active shinobi and her main sparring partners are like. insane s-rank people. so.............

(tori: I AM GOING TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH NORMAL PEOPLE (makes enemies instead) how)

hi ash, i think i may have asked this before, but from one asian diaspora to another, i was wondering how, if you're able to, you keep up with your chinese practice in a country that's dominated by english (and/or french canadian since ik you live in canada). bc i know a lot of suggestions are like turning your tech to the language you want to learn, put sticky notes on objects with the name in the language you want to learn, etc. but like. i feel like it doesn't matter how much i try and practice bc i'm not in a class, so i don't get it consistently enough, and the rest of my day is filled with english bc, well, that's my first language, and what is needed for my job and every day living. do you have any recs, strategies, or tips? i'm getting desperate; i used to be so much better than i am now. thanks!

hi! honestly, most of my chinese upkeep since i stopped taking mandarin classes (which tbh was relatively recent; this april, and then i'll be taking a cantonese class next term so i can learn to read it) has been a lot less I Need To Practice My Chinese through exercises or dedicated study time, and more just making sure i have frequent exposure to the language that i'm also engaged in. which is a long way to say that basically c-media is how i'm maintaining my proficiency.

i listen to music, i watch dramas and variety shows, look up other vids on bilibili that catch my interest, sometimes read articles, and (very slowly) read fanfic, with pleco open to note new words. just generally scrolling through chinese social media has helped too. having that environment i can immerse myself in helps me learn new vocabulary and practice using what i already know + listening skills, but it also doesn't feel like work or study, just dealing with things i like and am interested in. (this is important for me because i'm so exhausted when i get home every day lmao, if language upkeep outside of class felt like additional Student Time i might have tapped out on attempting it. this way turning on a c-drama at the end of the day just seems like relaxation first and then chinese exposure on top of it).

just by poking through c-drama or fandom things, i know my vocabulary has definitely expanded since i finished my last class, instead of shrunk. even though i watch c-dramas with english subtitles (or chinese and english depending on the platform), i've still picked up stuff from them, and when it comes to things like variety shows i don't rely on subtitles anymore/make myself not. you absorb a lot more of a language than you think just through exposure, imo. although as a caveat for reading specifically, picking up new characters, recognizing them, and reading has been one of the easier parts of learning chinese for me, when it's probably the inverse for a lot of people. i don't know how well just casually reading things will work as a method for others, ymmv.

the thing that i struggle with is getting opportunities to practice speaking, because it's english in my classes and usually with my friends, and either english or cantonese with my family (and i'm not living with them right now). however, i do have a lot of diaspora friends given that i'm in vancouver, and we occasionally dip into speaking mandarin or cantonese. this isn't perfect, but hopefully in future i'll be able to get more speaking experience somehow. what's also helped me with keeping up pronunciation despite these limits is learning to sing chinese songs. singing is one of my hobbies anyway, so i'll use pinyin or jyutping as a guide (getting better at sightreading characters for singing though!) and it's helped me work on certain sounds i had trouble with, and improved my accent. (watching c-dramas even if i don't speak as often has also aided on that front tbh; i listened to recordings of myself from last year and i sound less canto when i speak mandarin now compared to back then, or even earlier this year).

if you want a place to start that i personally think has helped me maintain chinese proficiency, i would choose a variety show you're interested in and try watching it without english subtitles, when you've got free time and want to do something fun. most will have chinese ones you can use to practice reading along with listening, and people usually speak at a conversational enough level that it shouldn't be too difficult to follow along (for ref, after a year and a half of heritage learner mandarin classes at uni i could watch 《我们的歌》/Our Song without english subtitles and understand most of it). variety shows are also really accessible lmao, so many have full seasons on youtube.

tl;dr it's been media exposure for me all the way down since i left classes, wherever i can get it.

not sure how actually helpful all this rambling might be, but this is what i do to keep up my chinese proficiency and keep learning in daily life nowadays! hopefully maybe you or someone else will be able to get something out of it :)

i saw your post about anime bullshit vs ifmlam and can i just say im so glad you're having so much fun writing? i discovered you through ifmlam but i've been shoving your other fics and patreon and original stuff straight into my mouth because i love your style and knowing that you're having a good time even with the fic that definitely comes from a Different Time Of Your Life is just. really cool idk

aaaaah thank you so much!!!! 

yeah it's really fun and funny looking at my writing over both short and long time frames because there's so much of me stamped in? like there are the tiny things like sometimes when I'm lazy coming up with idiosyncrasies for characters (everything from "I'm going to give you my coffee order" to "I'm going to give you my childhood hyperfixation with volcanoes"*) to obviously with my fanfiction there is the Piece Of Fiction I Was Obsessed With At The Time but also a lot of the original fiction that I have I can pinpoint the setting influences and vibe influences of both stories that I liked but also Other Things That Were Going On In My Life and it just kind of feels like my whole body of work traces my emotional state and the things I was excited about and loved and hated in weird subtle ways and I really like that, the same way that like. the playlists that I've made and listen to on repeat for months at a time have. 

and it also kind of feeds into most of my projects are multi-year projects to ever finish but I never really try to build them around the expectation that I'll feel the same way for a decade, I build them around feelings that I know will be meaningful time capsules? like the way that I choose tattoos: as things that will mean something to me because they represent something important that I felt, not that I feel 

and I guess I'm really glad that I'm in a space where ifmlam is actually exciting to me again, bc it was something that was a huge positive to me for so long and it was a piece of work that not only am I really proud of what I'd written but there are so many upcoming parts that I'm even prouder of and I'm really glad that I never gave up and posted the outline of the rest of it bc it is fun to look back on who I was and how I wrote and take a break from who I am and what I've been doing for the last 5-6 years and return to a previous place both with what's changed and what hasn't. it's nostalgic and it feels right. I think I needed the break but also never needed to throw out the baby with the bathwater and I'm glad that I didn't. and like. maybe I'm having Emotions bc my life is Changing right now faster and more drastically than it ever has before and I think vastly for the better? but boy is it Emotions.

anyways this is a long and rambly way of saying that yeah, ifmlam is officially coming back; there are 2130 words of the next chapter (and oops a bit of a life update) on my patreon right now, and whether or not the patreon keeps voting for that as my open work to guarantee my working on it, I think enough momentum is built up that a new chapter will be posted-posted in like. 3ish months tops? and I'm loathe to make predictions about my life given how unpredictable my life is being right now but maybe possibly it's getting to a place where ifmlam is back on a "sporadic every few months updates" track rather than a "several years of hiatus in between new chapter drops" track???? but I guess we'll see. I'm really having a fun time letting my patreon vote on stuff bc while "wait for inspiration to strike for any given project" is a fun way to do things, I've also realized that I've got so many multi-year projects to finish that crowdsourcing some of what I'm working on makes me feel like I'm making progress on things that matter rather than stalling out on everything bc it's all going at once 

although also speaking of next few months and things no longer stalling even with it being The Most Anime Bullshit thing I've ever written GODS am I excited for Opus I and I think that one's also???? coming really soon??????? as in only a few months??????????

*neither of these have appeared yet in anything published please no one waste time pouring through everything I've ever published to try to find these examples

What’s the new idea??

ALSO HOW WAS THE GHOST HUNTING?!

it was a 3 am (1:30 am) thought and i am SO happy i remembered bc i was so tired i didnt want to write anything down

anyways i was talking with my uncle earlier in the day about believing in ghosts blah blah and he taught me about the multi-verse theory for a ghost's existence which is pretty much the thought of someone from another reality glitching or inputing things into this reality! and as i am a multi-verse enthusiast i enjoyed this idea quite a bit,,,,

SO my idea is that a borrower is living in an old abandoned house. just completely run down and not even remotely historical or really anything special. the old owners left and no one's been there since.

and so this borrower doesn't really know or try to entertain the idea of ghosts, but they do know that there's fucking startling things happening around the house. voices, noises, even occasionally a warp in the atmosphere. things will feel like they're touching the borrower or walking past them.

and yet there doesn't seem to be any kind of cat or raccoon that's around. no humans (except for the occasional trespassing teenagers). nothing. just some bugs that occasionally blend in with the scares.

and on the opposite end, in another reality, there's a human who's convinced they're haunted. there's constantly little scurries in the walls and occasionally voices or even things that constantly go missing right under their nose. there's no evidence of bugs (and believe them they've looked)

very similar to ff1970 but better. also not sad. might do tallerduo or twinsduo for this if i ever finish my 234858912 other things to do </3

more under cut (talking about ghost tour :D)

first off it was AMAZING. loved it. ghost enthusiasts can be a bit much sometimes but honestly it didn't even matter

i see all the time on ghost hunting shows them sitting down criss-cross with the equiptment all around them and a spirit box in the middle and actually getting to do that felt so surreal i know i'm definitely overexaggerating the coolness of it (i felt like it was AMAZING but i think my perception of things is pretty eager) but GOD it was cool.

but the spirit box is annoying as shit

hhhh we went to two places for like 2 hours each and the first place was definitely my favorite,,, lots of area to cover n all and also i got to mess around with some toys up in the attic so i was definitely occupied,,,,

(you can see i had a great time)

also it was very calm up there. it was so mf quiet that it wasn't even scary it was just peaceful as hell :D

the second place was an old school house which i think was a little bit more neutral, but it was still very calm. got jumpscared by jesus though dsshdfsh and hhhhh we sat in silence for a while and got a pic where it looked like i was balding lmaooo

but other than that no activity or anything which is what i expected

ALTHOUGH some guys got some activity in the kitchen which was conveniently when i told my uncle to knock on the wall while we were upstairs to see if anything would respond 😭😭😭

and the fooooog it was so heavy it was amazing >>:)))))

thas it tho. i wont go as into detail about stuff as i did with my family sjdsjd. but it was lots of fun, definitely worth the wait!!!!

you say I'm being nice, i say I'm being honest (I also say yes to your marriage proposal, no takebacksies)

as an engagement gift to us I thought I'd give you some book recs:

She Who Became the Sun, by Shelley Parker Chan

This book had me floored at certain parts where it navigates gender, sexuality, identity and purpose. I would be sat there feeling so captivated by the exploration of the MC's discovery of self that I knew it would stay high in favourites no matter what I would end up feeling about the plot lol. The good news is I like the plot too ahaha. I think it could be considered a slow burn for excitement levels, I know I recommended it to a friend who didn't read further than the first 1/4 bc it just didn't captivate them. It's the first physical book I bought and read after a long reading lapse, initially pulled in by the beautiful cover, fully intrigued by the author's explainer about where the book came from & very satisfied by my overall experience with it.

Iron Widow, by Xiran Jay Zhao

I basically read this book in two sittings and finished it immediately wanting to read the second (gotta wait a couple months yet). This book is interesting. The pose isn't particularly poetic or elaborate, and some things definitely feel over explained to the reader, however I think that tone adds to the attitude/charm of the book. The voice of the protagonist is incredibly refreshing and invigorating to become one with. I don't think many of the reveals/twists will sneak up on you, but I found that I didn't mind that I could see where most things were leading & just wanted to see MC follow their path. However there was one outcome that I was pleasantly surprised by that I've since seen the author openly talk about on their social media, so I wouldn't follow them until you've give it a read if you're interested. I'm excited to read the second book to see the MC find more of their power within themselves and take more power from the world around them.

Although both books very much have Chinese historical fiction as a genre in common, She Who Became the Sun is more historical fantasy whereas Iron Widow is more futuristic/historical sci-fi.

.. Those were all over the place reviews. yeehaw.

Also, I sent asks a couple weeks ago telling you that your words are that of a surprisingly good published author and I stand by it so hard. I find myself reading and thinking that your writing would be perfect on the printed page and honestly better than so much that's already out there and well acclaimed. I would eat dirt to see a fully fledged book of your fantasy worldbuilding.

I'm so excited for every fic you're gonna release this year. So excited.

Also also

on second thoughts it would probably more appropriate to say dark fae jimin will eat me (and I certainly won't be complaining)

OKAY SO I HAVE SHE WHO BECAME THE SUN ON MY BOOKSHELF! It's on my TBR list but I just started Wheel of Time so we will see how long that takes me. It is a solid 900 page per book so I will most likely read other things between each novel. I am so excited to read it, especially now. You have no idea.

I have read Iron Widow and I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL HEAVENLY TYRANT COMES OUT! I absolutely ADORE Xiran and that story made me look more into Chinese history and theology. I love that it is technically a retelling, in a way. I thought the lore of the crysalises and the dynamics between riders and the use of xi is so!!!! She is such a fantastic writer and I also really enjoy her as a person and her straight-forward approach to publishing.

THAT WAS YOU!?!?!!? WELL I am glad that we are now engaged. You get first dibs if I ever figure out how to publish a book bestie. Honestly, I just try to like... absorb all the big fantasy writers and apply it to my writing. I think the first time I ever realized I wanted to do writing was when I read Eragon in middle school. It's just. Such a masterpiece.

Fae Jimin will 100% eat you he is going to be kind of unhinged I am not sorry!

Ask meme: 6, 9, 16, 30 & 50 😊😊😊😊

6. What are you excited for?

Oh, we're starting with the hard questions right out of the gate, are we? Hmmm... I am excited for summer. I guess. I do so much better in the warmer weather than the cold. The last two days were beautiful and I got to break out some cute summer dresses. I love it. I really cannot wait for the real long lasting heat to begin.

I want to say I'm excited for Christmas, but... I guess I am kinda neutral about it? Like, it's a good thing, but the stress, omg. I *do* have a brand new cute christmas dress though, it's very swirly. It *is* a bit more low cut and thin strappy than I had planned for, so I am going to have to invest in a strapless bra sometime soon.

9. Is confidence cute?

Omg. Confidence is hella sexy.

Although, there is a difference between confidence and arrogance and arrogance is defintiely not.

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

I mean, I don't *expect* to change that drastically in the next three months, but how can anyone ever be sure? I am noticably different now than I was 12 months ago and people have remarked to me recently that I look very well. Which... I haven't noticed?

But, I have recently completed a round of dentistry which has greatly improved my confidence, so that's always a bonus and has to effect how I am coming across.

I, personally, don't expect to change. My life is stable, my job is stable, my kids are honestly (although sometimes frustrating, bc teenage boys, omg) the light of my life... I don't really see any of that changing. I'm returning into fandom activity after several years of nothing, which feels good, and I don't see that changing.

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

You really come out swinging, don't you?

I want to say yes. I want to say that people grow and can change and they deserve the chance to do that. And in most circumstances, I would definitely say yes.

But there are some things that are unforgivable and some people do not deserve to be in society.

I am a pretty forgiving and tolerant person. It takes a lot to upset me to begin with and I will usually get over it when I do. That said, my patience only goes so far. There is a line and once it is crossed, I will cut you out so badly it's not even funny.

(For instance: I have forgiven and remain friends with my ex-husband, the man who cheated on me when I was in the hospital trying not the die while giving birth to my youngest child, so I can forgive almost anything if you try to make up for it... but I have a sister that I was very close to growing up that I refuse to speak to, I won't go to her house, and give her only the briefest of cursory responses when I am forced to be in the same room with at famly functions, because she has crossed the line too many times and has reached into irredeemable territory).

I guess, second chance, yes, but when you start getting into third/fourth/fifth chances then obviously some people aren't going to change. They're set and that's who they are. You know the saying, when people show you who they are: believe them.

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Used a bow and arrow? Yes.

Mastered and/or been good at a bow and arrow? No.

I have been on school camps where archery was a thing and I liked it. I have been to a few places where archery is a thing as an adult and I've tried again there (like adventure parks, or Kryal Castle).

Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be doing that again, my shoulder has a tendency to weakness and I can't push it. And shoulders are very necessary when pulling back that string. The tension and strength to hold and focus it, I just don't have that anymore.

But, yes, I have done it before.

@rowark, you picked some interesting questions. Yikes. Thanks for playing!!!

...

So my partner is amazing and let's me ramble about RE to them whenever I want to, and even sat down to watch Vendetta with me when I bought it, so the other day I was like explaining Leon and Chris' characters (bc my partner knows how much I love them both lmao so of course that's what I was talking about), and we have both come to the conclusion that Leon is a bisexual disaster, and Chris is a homosexual. The running joke is that Leon is also just generally a whore, out there living his best life, and Chris is the kind of gay guy who no one expects to be gay bc of stereotypes and his habit of never really talking about himself, but he also was never really in the closet about it, so he's surprised whenever people are surprised to learn that he's gay lolol but in all seriousness Leon is not only bisexual, but he's the type to fall in love easily despite all of his background and trauma related to betrayal, so his heart is almost continually broken, either bc he's betrayed or he loses whoever it is he's found himself in love with (and sometimes both i.e. Krauser, and Ada at the end of RE2), either through death or just leaving bc he knows he can't stay/can't be with whomever. As for Chris, maybe I'm reading into it wrong, but despite all of the like, romantic connotations they try to put into some of his games (which I don't. Really see? Like there was some in the first game with Jill but I just cannot see them together like that, neither seem interested in one another like that. And of course, Jessica, who I can't stand, and who Chris is supposedly totally oblivious to? Like she thinks he didn't notice her flirting in RE revelations, and Parker is like "is it that, or is he maybe interested in someone else?" And the assumption there is that he means Jill, but again, I don't see it? Even in that game! But that line of Parker's always makes me think "yeah, he's more than just interested in someone else, he's playing for a whole nother team entirely!" lmao. And I haven't seen much for 5 but I'm sure it's there between Chris and Sheva, and then for 6 from what I understand there really is hardly any talk of Chris in regards to any women at all? 8 has nothing, as well, and the DLC for 7 is just another "Chris loses his entire team in horrific fashion yet again" side plot, so nothing there either), he never seems interested. He's always focused on the task at hand, not letting emotions get in his way, and like, some could argue that that's why he doesn't show interest or why Capcom doesn't create more romantic lore around him, but if they really wanted to Make Sure he was straight and Make Sure everyone playing these games knew that, I imagine there would be some one line little hints in the games of him talking about how he can't let himself get distracted, or in his line of work there are no happy endings or what have you, but. There's none of that. Bc he isn't forcing himself not to be interested, he isn't purposefully focusing on saving the day so he doesn't have to get hurt knowing he can never have whichever high potential for a dope ass protag female character who's constantly sacrificing herself to save him bc what better purpose could they serve, right Capcom?, he's just. There, doing his job and trying to save whoever he can, not getting distracted in anyway whatsoever by any of the women in his life, romantically at least. He still cares way too much, but it never comes off as romantic to me in pretty much any way. Also the note he leaves in his STARS locker in RE2remake, Claire being like "this doesn't sound like Chris at all!" Is funny to me bc like, I don't really remember so correct me if I'm wrong, but she doesn't elaborate on WHY that note doesn't sound like Chris lmao is it bc he's respectful to women at all times and doesn't ever objectify them, probably hates when other people do? Or is it bc he would never be interested in women in this way ANYWAYS, the man is so gay, he must have left this note so that Claire would know something is Up, bc her brother is Such a homosexual.

Anyways sorry, I just wanted to ramble/get your opinion on this. Over-analysing RE is actually really fun lmao

haha not gonna lie, I opened your ask in the car on the grocery store parking lot and tried to read it on my phone, and gave up squinting at the small screen halfway through :'D now that I'm back at my laptop though, lol, all good :'D

first of all I'm happy you have someone to ramble to even though they aren't into the thing themselves! :D I regularly rant about RE fandom things to my brother haha and he listens patiently although he isn't in the fandom at all, he's only played the games and that's it. but he still listens to my shippy rambles lol.

as for your thoughts? makes sense to me tbh. I definitely headcanon Leon as a bisexual disaster most of the time, because it does seem fitting. maybe it's partly because I think he's absolutely breathtakingly stunning and it'd be a shame to deny anyone that, so, naturally he wouldn't care about such trivial things as gender, pfth, love is love.

also Leon falling in love easily? absolutely. too damn easily. c'mon this is a man who gets attached to anyone who shows him even the tiniest amount of basic kindness in the matter of minutes. he canonically forms attachments with Claire, Ada, Krauser, Helena, Buddy and JD (JD 😭)... whoever else am I forgetting? but this is the guy who meets someone and would die for them five seconds later. so. it tracks.

and you know what, I can 100% see Chris being only into men. because like. I don't see the romance there either when he's interacting with the women in his life? okay, sure, I could imagine something there between him and Jill if pressed seeing the way he so single-mindedly wants to save her and then holds her in the scene after they get that thing off her chest. maybe. but even there it doesn't really feel super romantic to me, personally.

in the first game with Jill there's not... a lot of romance I don't think? sure she falls asleep against his shoulder in the evac helicopter but i mean, i've fallen asleep against a friend like that? not an indication of romance? they're clearly important to each other! i am not trying to diminish their importance to one another at all! they'd die for each other and they'd do anything it takes to protect each other and i do think their relationship is compelling but... i don't really see anything inherently romantic in it.

and Jessica, yeah, Chris is 100% oblivious to her advances. it is implied in the game that he's into Jill instead but other than that there's again zero actual romantic interaction between Chris and Jill. I was actually talking about this with my brother, who said the same, like there were so many chances in Revelations to put something romantic in there between Chris and Jill but there just. isn't? anything? except for Parker's comment. which is why it felt so damn out of place? (and like my brother would've wanted to ship Chris and Jill, he was kinda bummed about this i feel :'D) so interpreting it to mean he's not interested in women at all would actually make more sense lmao.

as for RE5, I've played it twice (with my brother lmao do we see a theme here) and honestly I don't remember anything in the game that would've insinuated anything more than solid partnership between Chris and Sheva?? if someone who's more familiar with the game wants to correct me on this, then please! but at least off the bat I can not remember anything so I think they actually didn't try to even hint at romance for them?

and in RE6 Chris is way too focused on killing "Ada" to have any thoughts about anything else :'D so no. no mentions in there regarding him and any women. at all. not even hints of Jill which is so incredibly weird (and stupid tbh) bc she was made to be so important to him in RE5 and then doesn't even get a mention in RE6? (/shakes fist damn you capcom! the characters exist outside the games they're in!)

I think that's pretty much the main difference between Chris and Leon tbh. Chris sees the job at hand, and he knows it'll help, he knows it'll save people and it'll make the world safer and he's so single-mindedly focused on the job that he sees nothing else. while Leon sees people, for the better or for worse, and he is willing to take detours if it helps even one person in the meantime. like in RE6, Leon willingly ignores the task at hand to go help just about anyone. Chris doesn't want to pause even when pressed bc he has an end goal in mind.

and bear in mind, I am not trying to say this somehow makes Leon better or Chris better or anything. they're both doing this to help. they both have their heart in the right place. they both care. but they're just so different! their personalities, and their way of dealing with things is different! I feel Chris is really target oriented and wants to get the job done. while Leon's easily distracted from it, because of all the damn feelings :'D

but yeah. i love them both, and i think it's really damn fascinating how they're both the good guys, the heroes of the franchise, but they both take to things so differently.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, I think i rambled too :'D but hey-o, it was fun lmao.

and hey no need to apologize at all!! always feel free to shoot me a message if you wanna chat!

Hi! I was wondering if could get your opinion on classpects? About a year or 2 ago I got really into classpects, I went through bard, prince, rogue, mind, rage, heart, and void. The last time i thought about it i settled on page of heart, but a part of me still questions if i am or not.

When I first tried to figure out my classpect, I was in a really unhealthy mindset. I was really anxious and probably the lowest I've ever been. (If you know about enneagram, I was a 9 disintegrating to 6). I took quizzes and would question myself every time I didnt get bard. I was positive that I was a bard, mostly bc of my unhealthy mindset at the time. I really didnt want to be page, but the moment I realized I was a page, all my anxiety went away regarding classpects.

Some things arcs I noticed growing up:

growing up I felt generally ignored. I always had low self esteem and assumed people didnt like me. I was, and still am really quiet. But I remember being really social before that. I wanted to be the person that could make everyone happy, I wanted to be a fun person to be around. But after a while I realized that I was ignored, so I stopped less and less. I'd only try with close friends. It wasnt until middle school where I was given a friend group did I feel myself again

I always idolized fictional relationships. I envied them and wanted to be in one so bad. It wasnt until middle school did I start entering relationships. I was surprised people liked me. Everytime I was with someone I felt a bit of anxiety. I questioned if I really liked them, if they liked me, why I didnt like physical affection. I wanted a relationship so badly, but I wasnt sure why I felt that way. This caused me to have a on and off relationship for over a year. Eventually it stopped, I grew and figured myself out, and I'm back with them for good.

About 2 years ago I took personality tests, and at that moment I gradually started to realize that I fidnt know myself at all. I had about a year long identity crisis and looked to personality theories like mbti and enneagram to find out more about myself and form some sort of identity. I'm at a good place now, I know myself better and I feel more comfortable in my skin.

Some things:

I adore art. It's been a huge comfort for me ever since I was a kid, I love creating things and it's been a huge passion of mine. I'm really into personality theories. I'm a huge nerd for anime and cartoons, I grew up with them and was always fascinated with how it was all made

I tried to put in everything I thought could help, if it's too broad or if you need more then I'd be down to send more! Thanks for reading

I honestly think you've classpected yourself well with Page of Heart. Although you could consider Rogue as well. Heart is clear - you value things like personality, identity, and relationships. It doesn’t sound like you destroyed/ghosted it, hence why I don’t suggest Bard/Prince (which would make Mind show up more in your info, which it hasn’t), but it definitely was lacking at some point in your life. This can suit both a Page and Rogue.

They both might also be options because it’s not clear if you’re serving or relocating Heart - did you serve yourself identity through learning about personality theories or did you relocate information from them to form your identity? The focus on doing it for yourself does suggest Page rather than Rogue, but perhaps the relocate term suits you better.

Pages and Rogues both risk being ignore - however, a Rogue tends to constantly help others even if they go unacknowledged. Withdrawing into yourself could definitely be Page behaviour. Especially since you idolised fictional relationships - Pages do tend to focus on an ideal, although they usually try to take on traits relating to it. This could have also manifested as your unhealthy focus on being a Bard. Finally, although you could consider Rogue, I would say finding that your classpect anxiety mostly disappeared with Page really does suggest it’s the right one for you. 

HAY. djwkf Can I maybe request 'Shit, how'd you make me blush like this?' (bc there needs to be more flustered Laxus) or 'Right.. Well.. I'm not sure how we ended up kissing like that.. ' for Fraxus?

Hello!! Here you go, both of the phrases are in it ! Fraxus fic under the cut

Watching the seconds tick away isn't an activity that Laxus is in any way, shape or form fond of, but he finds solace in the knowledge that eventually, the time for him to be released from this hellish place will arrive. He's the youngest in the room and now that the meeting is over, the old people have found a new form of entertainment in bothering him.

Curse his grandfather for demanding him to come along. Hell, the man hadn't even decided yet who'd become the next master. Technically, there's no reason whatsoever for Laxus to be here and to be ribbed as though he's their communal annoying nephew. He isn't.

Of course, it turns to the topic of dating. Laxus suspects that these people have got nothing going for them in their respective personal lives, so they're vigorously trying to live through him. When asked if there's anyone he's interested in, he plans to firmly deny by simply grunting. His mouth betrays him however, and before he knows it, he's adding fuel to the fire.

"Dunno." Oh. Oh no. He's opened the gates towards the possibility of old people giving him horrible advice and they are jumping at the opportunity. "That's not a no", Babasaama feels the need to say, grin adorning her face and Laxus shoots his grandfather a face that essentially says "please help me". His grandfather artfully ignores it, throwing dirt on the hole that Laxus dug himself into. Betrayal sure tastes good in the morning, especially served with a side dish of unpleasantness.

"Attraction is weird", is the answer he settles on, deciding that it's both vague and definitive enough to satisfy these hawks. It doesn't, so he tries to talk himself out of it. He really should've known better, should've been more self-aware. Although he's best friends with a master of words, he himself is anything but.

"You know...", he fumbles, "Or rather you don't, well I don't. What's love like? Like, strangers never really appeal to me. People who go on dates and say it was nice are definitely liars. Love is a bit of a scam, I think."

"Love doesn't have to be new and exciting, darling boy. Most of the time, it's comfort, a stability you build together." Although the added wink isn't necessary, the point master Bob tries to bring across does make sense. "Like home in a person", he states and immediately one person pops up in his mind. When he looks at the geezers, he can see that they're picking up on it. In return, the heat in his face gets worse and he scowls at them.

"Alright, that's enough", Makarov mercifully cuts in. "I'm taking my brat home. Laxus, kiss your aunts and uncles goodbye." Rolling his eyes, Laxus manages to somewhat politely nod at all of them. "Last time I checked, none of them are related to us."

"Family is in the heart, brat."

"If I have to cram that much people into it, I'll die."

"Too late, they're already there."

They keep bickering until they have to part ways. "See ya this evening. Freed invited you for a nice family dinner or something." Makarov raises a brow. "My grandson-in-law works harder for this family than you and I do. I'll be there."

The little 'grandson-in-law' comment doesn't really hit Laxus until he's stepping over the treshold of his own home. Deciding to put that thought aside, he enters the living room. " 'M home", he mumbles and lays eyes on Freed, settled comfortably on his couch. Seeing Laxus, he smiles. "Welcome home."

After that, he resumes tugging at the strings of his guitars and sings the sweet lullaby that Evergreen is very fond of. He seems to be completely unbothered by Laxus' presence. His green hair is loose and partly draped over his shoulder, the waterfall of silken strands effortlessly establishing a picture of elegance. The seamless image of elegance is continued in the man's whole posture, loose but dignified nonetheless.

Freed as a whole, is a work of beauty that Laxus finds himself appreciating at this very moment. As he lays his head down on Freed's shoulder, he marvels at Freed's muscled frame. Usually his form tends to be hidden by layers of clothes, masking brutal strength in a nice package. Most things about Freed are like that, deceptive. His hands are unblemished, nails manicured and taken care of. Once turned around, his palms are rough and calloused.

His manner of speech is to the point, effective and refined. That refinement easily turns into harsh word that shape an even harsher reality, if he so wishes. In eyes clearer than the bluest of skies, lurks a darkness that no storm Laxus could ever muster would compare to. Handsome, socially graceful, polished in both skill and manners, friendly (if he wishes to be so), smart... Freed truly is the sort of man that many only could wish to be.

"What are you thinking so deeply about?" Freed asks, halting his musical endeavours to place Laxus head in his lap, playing with his hair. Staring up at the man, Laxus finds himself momentarily unable to answer, reddening instead. "Ah shit, look at this." He covers his eyes with his arms and Freed, not known for being merciful, laughs at him. "How'd you make me blush like this?" he asks faux-accusingly.

"It's rather easy", Freed grins and the sight of it makes Laxus' heart skip a beat and his blush gets worse. "See?" Freed points out. "I think you're just easily affected by me", he continues smugly and Laxus makes a face at him. "Am I now?" he challenges the man, already knowing he's going to lose.

"I don't know", Freed hums, dragging his pointer finger from Laxus' jawline all the way down his chest, where he rests the finger. Laxus' breath stutters and the fingers drags back up, slow and tantalising, forming a hook under his chin and tilting it upwards. As Freed demands heavy and loaded eyecontact from him, he smirks. "But I like to think you are." He bows down, breath hot and heavy against the side of Laxus' neck as he whispers : "Wouldn't you agree?" in his ear.

When Freed draws back only to give him a charming smile and demands him to kiss him, Laxus doesn't even hesitate. He wants to convey as much worship and sensual heat as humanly possible, but doesn't really know how to. Luckily for him Freed is there, taking the lead and making his life easier as always. It's not purely the mouth-on-mouth part that makes his head spin (though that definitely contributes to it), it's mostly the tiny gasps that escape them as they reconnect, trying to leave as little time between kisses as possible. It's the moments where their eyes meet and say more than words ever could, the hand Freed has on the back of his neck, steady and sure. It's his cologne, it's the feeling of his other hand travelling wherever it could reach. The feeling of his own hands on the man's hips, in his hair. It's everything and somehow more than that.

Once they've calmed a bit down, he murmurs a bit out of breath : "Right...well...I'm not sure how we ended up kissing like that." Freed, who has decided that Laxus' chest makes for a nice pillow, flops around so they lay chest on chest. "Meetings with the elderly has never been particularly arousing, but if that's what gets you going...", the bastard trails off, smirk evident in both his voice and on his face. "You're a little shit", Laxus tells him and Freed laughs at that. "And I love you", he adds. "I see that you have your priorities sorted out", Freed dryly bemuses before kissing the tip of Laxus' nose. "I love you too."

Hey, so, i hope you're not bothered or annoyed by this, you can really just ignore me if you are... I just wanted to know if you could tell us about the future of yofa, bc I'm a shitty reader and too obsessed by your fic to sit and wait for the next chapter, although you're so amazing and super fast with the uploads. Like, is mcdaniels gonna play a role, or will tim have breakdowns or fights with the others, or anything else that would be okay to share? I'm really sorry for being like this

Ha, you're not annoying. I'm quite pleased to know that I have readers who are impatient for more, truly. The problem is that I don't really have answers for you, because I don't know. I've talked about this on my blog before, but I am very much a seat-of-the-pants kind of writer, or a gardener. I don't make outlines, because it's not fun for me to write like that. When I write a long, detailed outline, I lose all interest in actually writing the story, because it feels like I've already done it. It becomes work instead of play at that point, and fanfiction is very much my playtime.

I like to plant ideas and watch them grow, or dig the story up from the dirt of the subconscious like a big boulder (Stephen King's analogy for how he writes). One of my favorite writing quotes is about how writing a novel is like driving a car at night--you can only see as far as the headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. I believe that's from E.L. Doctorow, and I don't know who that is, but I agree with that philosophy.

This has the downside of me having tons of WIPs that will probably never be finished, at least one in every fandom I've written more than a one-shot for. But the upside is that I have a lot of fun writing, and I go through the same emotional rollercoaster as my readers. I often feel compelled to keep writing because I want to know what happens next, just like you do.

That's also why I don't have an update schedule. That would require me to have, like, a backlog of chapters, or at least some idea of what's happening next. I tend to write a chapter over the course of three or four hours, give it a cursory reading for typos, and post it immediately. I usually only figure out what the next chapter is going to be about after cogitating on the last one I wrote for a few days. Right now, I'm thinking that the next chapter will be about Tim's friends visiting him at the manor, but I need to read more Young Justice before I feel comfortable writing Conner, Bart, and Cassie, so it might be a while before that chapter comes out. Or I could realize that something else needs to happen first, as has happened several times over the course of the story.

I do have...vague ideas about what might be up ahead in the future. Someday. Maybe. These ideas might or might not happen, or they might be in a different form by the time I get to them. I'll put them under a read more, just in case anyone wants to avoid even possible spoilers.

Edit: Frigging heck, tumblr won’t save the read more line. Whatever, if you don’t want to see possible spoilers, hit J on your keyboard now.

As for McDaniels, he will be returning to the story, but I'm not sure when. It might be at the end, as some sort of catharsis for Tim, or it might be in the middle as part of a plot complication. For now he's too much of a useful motivation for Tim to have anxiety and Jason to want to protect him, therefore keeping Jason in the picture when he might otherwise take off. The family and their allies will keep looking for him, and it's going to be a major frustration and source of friction that he's so hard to find. I definitely have a picture in my head of Tim going out in the city for the first time since the incident and thinking he sees McDaniels, then having an anxiety attack that Jason or someone else will have to comfort him through. That idea has been in my head since very early in the writing process, but who knows if it will happen.

Tim having breakdowns? Very probable. Fights? Maybe. Eventually he and Dick do need to work out the hurt between them. But Dick has promised to let Tim take the lead on that, so it will have to be on his terms, and I don't know when Tim will be ready for that conversation.

I have ideas about Damian. I'm thinking that Tim is going to be very bored, waiting for his body to heal enough that he can do things again. He can't even exercise until his ribs and knee heal up some, he can't swim with his casts, he can only type with one finger, and that kind of hurts...all he's going to be able to do for a while is sit around and watch TV or listen to Jason read to him, and that's going to get old, fast. So he might take an interest in Damian. Damian is puzzling, and Tim likes to solve puzzles. It remains to be seen whether or not Damian will appreciate the attention. Probably not.

But Damian's feelings are evolving, too. He hasn't been in prolonged contact with Tim...ever. And he has promised to be civil, as well. It's going to force them to find new ways to communicate, new ways to be around each other. Jason might also be helpful for bridging the gap there, since he spent time with the League and will probably understand Damian in a way no one else does.

Also, bored Tim results in Jason taking him on rides on his motorcycle. Great bonding. Tim likes to go fast.

Once the casts come off and the pins comes out, Tim's hands are going to be very weak and shaky. He's going to need a lot of therapy, and it's going to be frustrating and painful. Also: hand massages help. (Dick is also going to keep treating his back, trying to minimize the scarring from the whip marks. Because it really, really sucks for a teenage kid to have whip scars.) So they're all going to take turns massaging Tim's hands when they get cramped, and it's going to turn out that Damian is the best at it. Damian is going to be territorial about this, because it's something tangible he can do that is visibly helping, and as much of a brat as Damian is, he also has the heroic, helpful impulse as well. Once the dust settles and Damian and Tim are more like friends and brothers than they have been in the past, Damian will be just as protective of Tim as everyone else in this story. That's the end goal I have for them.

One thing that will happen relatively soon is Bruce enacting a Big Comfy Couch Protocol, or BCCP for short, in order to be a better dad to his children, all of whom have trauma of varying levels. When one of the kids is having a bad day, or feeling fragile, or suffering nightmares or flashbacks or what have you, or just needs their dad for whatever reason, all they have to do is tell Bruce that they need to activate BCCP, or BCC Protocol. Bruce will nod seriously, then set aside at least an hour in his schedule. And they will go sit together on a big comfy couch in a quiet room, just the two of them. It might involve cuddling, or talking, or just being together, whatever the kid needs. But it'll be just the two of them, no work, no books or movies, no distractions. Because Bruce needs to be very deliberate about connecting with and being there for his kids, and putting a structured protocol in place to make sure that happens is a very Batman thing to do.

Tim will probably drag Jason along for his BCCP time, because of the bodyguard thing. (And because Jason would never do it for himself, and Tim knows he needs it and is not even a tiny bit above manipulation to get his way or help other people.) Eventually they're all gonna like it, though.

And...that's pretty much it, so far. I think about this story a lot, so new ideas pop up and float away in my head all the time, but they're mostly about what's going to happen or might happen in the next chapter. Like, I imagined the conversation between Jason and Bruce going a bunch of different ways. Once I actually sat down and wrote it, though, it turned out differently than anything I'd come up with in my head before.

And that's why I like writing this way. It's always surprising. I let the characters go, and they do things I don't expect ninety percent of the time.

Can we please stop comparing South Asian people to each other? I remember when Dev Patel won his Oscar and people kept saying that his win mattered more than Ben Kingsley's for Gandhi. Now, I do remember that the point some people were trying to make was that because Ben Kingsley was of mixed race while Dev Patel was "fully Indian" it made Dev's victory different. As someone who is fully South Asian myself, I can kind of understand that way of thinking especially since I know that one person who made a comment about it was a mixed race Indian themselves. However, I do think that it's important to remember nuance in cases like these as well. In Ben Kingsley case, several factors were at play that go beyond him being half-white. First of all, he is a phenomenal actor who did indeed deserve his award. Also, names matter too. Now, I'm not going to criticize him for changing his name bc that is something that plenty of actors have done both back then and today. Reason being, it makes them more palatable. Dev Patel on the other hand does have an "ethnic" sounding name and that does make things much harder. I also remember that the person who spoke about being mixed race Indian talked about being light skinned. Now I definitely agree that being light skinned can make a difference but it is very important not to use that as a blanket statement. Light skinned people do face vile racism themselves. Just look at Zayn and the racism that has followed him around his whole life. And Zayn, being of mixed heritage is lighter skinned than the average South Asian. 

There is also the issue of erasure of mixed race people. There are way too many people out there (and POC are sometimes guilty of this as well) who will say that bc someone is half white that means they don't count. Once again, I am a "full blooded" South Asian and obviously can not speak on behalf of mixed race people but I have heard enough from those who are to know that this kind of thinking is very hurtful and alienating to them. A mixed race person has every right to explore their non white identity. It is also important of course to acknowledge the difference between a mixed race person who presents as a POC and one who is able to pass as white. Zayn for example has always walked through life as a POC and that is how he's always been treated. Gigi Hadid on the other hand is able to pass for white and while that obviously does give her certain privileges, she has always stood up for her Palestinian heritage. And she has every right to embrace that part of herself. Especially since she has always been very vocal in standing up for the rights of the Palestinian. Granted, much of the bs that both Zayn and Gigi get comes mainly from white people who have no place in the conversation to begin with but it doesn't make it any better. And as I mentioned above, POC may not be as bad about it but they are not 100% innocent either. The amount of mixed race people I have seen say that they actually feel guilty when trying to embrace their non white heritage is heartbreaking to me. And also, those who are of mixed race have just as much right to be a part of their people's stories as anybody else. So, if an actor who is of mixed Indian heritage decides to play the role of an Indian character, he has every right to do that. Although, I will say that it does depend even in that case. As much as I love Gigi, I'm not sure I would've liked to have seen her as Jasmine (not that she was even in the running but bear with me) simply bc she is able to pass for white and I do think that it is important to showcase brown girls who go through life as brown. Also, all love to Mena Massoud but Zayn as Aladdin would've been a dream come true (his version of A Whole New World will forever have a special place in my heart). And to go back to the beginning of this long-ass post, at the end of the day, the most important thing is that we need to stop pitting South Asians (and POC as a whole) against each other. Instead, let's allow ALL POC, whether mixed or otherwise, to live their truths and stop this nonsensical purity testing because all that has ever done and will do is keep alienating people and furthering the already far too deed divide.

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

Hi! Do you still post about camp unirondack? I'm 14 and am going for the first time this summer, and I was wondering if there was anything you wish you'd known before you went for the first time?

Oh, hi! I’m surprised you found that post, I wrote it years ago! I don’t post about it but I’d be happy to talk about my experience with Unirondack! I’m sure things are gonna be different this year due to COVID prevention measures (and the fact that I haven’t been to camp in a few years) but here’s some advice:

- Make sure to bring: bug spray (it’s less buggy than you’d think but the mosquitos are still annoying), a flashlight, a fun outfit you can dance in, an outfit you can get really dirty in, a swimsuit, a water bottle (this one is REALLY important, you’re absolutely gonna get dehydrated if you’re not paying attention), hiking boots/sneakers

- Only camp counselors have internet access and there’s little signal so while you can bring your phone, it’s only gonna be useful for taking pictures

- Whatever hobby you have, there’s definitely gonna be other people who share it, so feel free to take knitting needles, sketchbooks, books, etc! Also there’s mandatory cabin hangout time every day so you’re gonna want something to do while you chill

- The environment is super friendly and open so don’t hesitate to introduce yourself to people and try new things. It’s the perfect place to get out of your comfort zone! I’ve made tons of great friends through Unirondack and I did things I never would have done otherwise!

- Bring a bit of cash bc occasionally on the Thursday excursion people get ice cream or something. You don’t need much, just like 5-10 dollars

- You’re gonna be going up and down LOTS of stairs. It’s gonna be rough the first few days but by the end of the week you’ll have gotten used to it dw

- If you have the option, bring a duffel bag, not a suitcase. Suitcases rarely fit underneath the bunk beds and the cabins aren’t exactly huge so the squishier the bag, the better. Backpacks work too, although they’ll need to be p big to fit all the things you need for a week

- If you like singing or have any poems or short stories you wanna share, print them out and bring them because every night at campfire people share that sorta thing!

- You’re probably gonna feel delirious at the end of your first week; it’s kind of a whirlwind from beginning to end. Prepare to take a long nap on the car ride home!

Feel free to send me any more questions you have, and I hope you have a fun (and safe) time!

Hello! I read your Toshinori scenario and I'm blown away by your amazing writing and accurate representation!! Can I have a scenario of Toshinori being a worried and clingy boyfriend when his s/o comes back late (like 3 am late) because she went drinking with some old friends during a reunion?

aw thank you! sorry this is so late, school’s really beatin my ass rn lmao. also, i’ll be using gender neutral pronouns so everyone can enjoy it! enjoy

here’s the previous posts

word count: 2420 

“Please leave your message for-”

“Shit..” Toshinori uttered.

This had been the third time he’d called his significant other and the third time it had gone to voicemail after listening to the dull tone on the opposite end. An anxious sigh escaped him as he stared down at the phone in his large hand. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed since his partner left but he knew they had been out entirely too long in his book. He wasn’t a boyfriend to become possessive and intrusive of their privacy, no! He trusted them as well as their choices because he knows they wouldn’t do anything to betray him. He knew they were fine and having fun with their friends. But there was something that kept telling him that something was wrong if they didn’t send him any quick messages or answer his calls. It made him worried. Very worried.

Being a hero was a tough job, of course he loved being able to protect the innocent and make sure they’re alright, but it also heightened his senses to know when something was wrong. It also made him think that something is always wrong too. That could just be his anxiety creeping up on him now that he thought about it.

“A-Alright.. I know they’re fine. I know that.” He breathed out, calming himself.

He repeated phrases of this sort - “It’ll be okay.” “They’re fine.” “They’re safe.” - under his breath to comfort himself. It became a soft mantra that soothed him little by little. There was no need to be as freaked out as he was. But he couldn’t help it either, with the things he’s seen, fought, talked to, and put in jail, there was a good reason for him to be worried. There could be a villainous attack with people getting hurt or buildings falling or cars crashing or fires starting or anything that could hurt them! Well, great. Now that’s all he could think about. The small moment of peace he was able to find had dissipated. Toshinori paced in front of the couch as he continued to think about the worst case scenarios and he didn’t even realize how deep he was diving into these negative thoughts. His eyes shot to the digital clock sitting on a nearby counter. Midnight.

The hero plopped down on the edge of the couch as he rest his elbows on his knees, covering his face with his hands then letting them slowly run down. The skin on his cheeks were slightly tugged down along with his hands. His hands remained in front of his mouth as he stared at the television screen in front of him. He was watching some random variety shows in order to pass the time and it worked for a while until he noticed how late it was getting. They had left only a few hours before, eight o’clock or so, and he managed to be fine with it for a majority of the time. They said they were with friends they hadn’t seen since high school for a mini reunion and he was comfortable with that. What was genuinely getting to him was how late it was, the fact their phone seemed dead, they were drinking, plus, he wasn’t sure when they’d come back home. On top of his embedded worry he didn’t want to seem like the type of person who would get over protective and manipulative over them either! It was almost frustrating.

Scratch that, it was frustrating. Unbelievably and annoyingly frustrating. He was by no means mad at his significant other nor the fact that they were having fun and he wouldn’t ruin for them whatsoever but he was mad at the fact that he couldn’t seem to get over the paranoia nagging at him as a hero. He huffed, drumming his fingers across one of his knees and staring at the television once again. Maybe watching the shows again would help him although he was doubting it at the same time. He thought of doing something else but then he couldn’t think of anything else to do, so, he stuck with watching the dumb late night shows. Certain guests were entertaining up until his eyes involuntarily flicked towards the digital clock shown on the cable box and he nearly fell off the damn couch.

“T-Two thirty in the morning!? How can the tv waste so much time..” He exclaimed, putting a hand to his forehead as he reached for his phone. He paused midway.

He really did not want to seem clingy or overbearing over his significant other but he felt the worry starting to consume him. His hand slowly retracted from the device on the coffee table as he looked down to the floor with another sigh leaving his lips. There were so many things to be worried over about but at the same time he could be absolutely worried about nothing at all. Then he heard a soft buzz from his phone and he jumped before diving for it, snatching it off the table immediately. He swiped his thumb across the screen, typed in his password, and stared at the notification at the top. After opening it, he felt relief flood throughout his body as it was a text message from the very person he’d spend the most of his night thinking about. They said they were leaving now and they’d be home in about thirty minutes or so. Then another message popped up as soon as he finished reading the first one claiming they’re getting a ride home from a friend they assigned as the designated driver. A smile crept up on him, he felt a bit proud that his s/o had thought that far if they were to drink too much.

One more message came up on screen.

“Heyyyyyyy Toshi~! Have i told u how much i luv u????? BC i REALL Y do.” He read. Wow, they must have been pretty drunk to be texting so oddly.

“Yes, you have. I love you too. I’ll be here when you get home.” He sent back. Now that the worry left, his body felt like it was full of lead and he had to sit back down on the couch, sliding down into a slumped in position.

Not too long later, his phone began to buzz again but this time in a longer and more consistent pattern. Who was calling him this late- or rather, this early? It left him dumbfounded for a moment before he lifted his phone up to read the name. He raised a brow when it was revealed to be his partner and he tapped the screen to answer the call, raising his phone to his ear. He was first greeted with the sound of giggling then small sniffs followed by more laughter mixed with soft sobs. There went his heart rate again. It spiked and he sat up straight, sputtering and fumbling over his own words for a moment. They shh’d him which just confused him as he listened to what he assumed was them trying to compose themself enough to speak.

“You really love me?” They asked. He felt his body become weighted with relief again as his back hit the couch.

“Yes! Of course I do.” He answered, laughing lightly at the sound of them crying harder. He didn’t mean to laugh, really, but he honestly thought it was a bit cute that they were crying over something as simple as their feelings for one another. “Are you almost home?” He asked.

“Yeeeaaaaah. I think so? Yeah. Yes. Yuup.” They seemed to have stopped crying already. “Definitely yeah! I see the.. The-the thing. What is it?” He could hear them speak to one of their friends and describing something even he couldn’t figure out. “It’s like.. Tall and bright.. And.. uh.. And tall!” He snickered. “Don’t you laugh at me Toshi! You nerd.” He could only snicker again. “Wait.. Do you mean that lamppost over there? The one with a plastic flower taped to it?” “YEAH HOLY SHIT THE LAMPPOST!” Now he totally lost it. He was holding his stomach, leaning over doubled with laughter. He felt a few tears prick the corners of his eyes as he gasped for air and in between each little breath he took, he tried to explain to his partner that they were just entirely too funny like this. Once he calmed down, he let out a cough, and find himself smiling like an idiot.

“Well, I’m glad you closer to home than I thought. Do you want to stay on the phone or hang up?” Toshinori offered as he knew they were only a few blocks away from home. The lamppost with the plastic little flower was a somewhat special place for the two. They had ran into each other there, met there for their first date, even shared their first itty bitty confession of feelings there too. He wasn’t sure how it all ended up happening in the same spot every time but he was glad they were able to have such memories. And every time he sees the lamppost with the flower, he’s always reminded of them. Whenever someone would take the flower down one day, it be back there the next. It was odd but cute.

“No, talk to me. I like it when ya talk.” They chuckled and he hummed, thinking of something to say.

“Hmm.. You know you nearly gave me a heart attack staying out so late. I’m not trying to lecture you or anything stupid like that. It worries me, seeing what I see, doing what I do. I’m just more than happy that you’re safe and seem to be in a great mood. It’s also made me realize you mean so much more to me than I even realized before and.. I can’t think of anything better that’s happened in my life than you.” He supposed it was a bit too sentimental to say when they’d most likely forget this the next day but it was also all the more reason to keep talking. He needed to get a bit off his chest. “You’re safe, you’re happy, you’re healthy. I can’t believe you were out so late too! Ahh, I know you wanted to be alone with your friends but I wish I could have gone with you to see what kind of drunk you are or see what kind of trouble you go into.” He chuckled at the mere thought. “Then again, I think when you get home it’ll be better than any night out with a group.” He paused then became silent after that.

The silence remained for a few more minutes and he wasn’t sure what was happening at the moment until he heard keys jingling outside the door. He heard them drop before standing, walking over, then opening it to show the slightly messy looking person he loved on the other side. Their hair was a bit fuzzy, shoes in one hand, phone in the other, and the keys were somehow hanging from their mouth. His eyes went from bottom to top and when he noticed that there were a tiny formation of tears coming to their eyes, he froze. Had he said too much? Did he sound clingy? Was he annoying them? Did he kill their buzz? His eyes flicked from them to the floor and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I, uh.. Sorry abou-”

Before he could complete his sentence, they jumped onto him in a hug but he stumbled over and fell right on his ass. They didn’t seem to care as they only pushed themself closer to him. His arms instinctively wrapped around their waist and he felt their face being pushed into his neck. There were warm tears falling onto his skin. He wasn’t necessarily sure what was going on nor what they were thinking and he could only assumed this was somewhat good. That or they were planning to squeeze him to death.

“You dummy. You can’t say all that stuff when I’m drunk! I’ll cry! How can you make your loving and perfect little significant other cry like this? Being all nice.. And loving.. Ugh.” They whined, words slurring slightly.

“O-Oh, I, well, I-I.. I didn’t think you’d react like this. I apologize.” Toshinori began to hold them in his lap and gently pet the top of their head in hopes to calming them down. “I’m glad it made you happy though. I was worried it sounded differently. But never mind that now, let’s get you cleaned up and into bed.” He hummed, scooping up from the floor and closing the door with his foot. He managed to lean down and lock it as well.

He strolled into their bedroom, turning right and walking into the next door that connected to the bathroom. He set them down to be sitting on top of the toilet seat then pressed a quick, gentle kiss to their forehead before turning away towards the cabinet behind him. There he pulled out a washcloth and the bag of makeup removing wipes that he saw his s/o using after a night out. He tugged two makeup wipes out of the bag then proceeded to gingerly clean the makeup from their face. They would tell him about their night as coherently as possible as he did so. He couldn’t really understand what kind of story was being told but they enjoyed their night and looked cute too so he didn’t mind. After using both wipes, he made sure to wet the washcloth and wipe down their face one more time for good measure. Once their face was clean, he walked them back into the bedroom to help them change into their favorite baggy pajamas. The way they would lift their arms and giggle after having their dress pulled off reminded him of a small child. He found it endearing, in a way. Soon they were ready for bed and he laid them down, laying next to them and pulling the covers over both. Although neither party hardly made an effort to sleep. So, they talked until the sun rose but even then Toshinori didn’t sleep. 

He didn’t want to despite his s/o telling him he should. 

They had fallen asleep first and he simply watched the peaceful person before him. He smiled as he held them closely to himself and, eventually, he fell into a blissful sleep too.

Hi! I'm glad requests are open again. I was wondering if you could maybe do a scenario of Kirishima asking his s/o to move in together, and then maybe write a little about their interactions. Like maybe they cook each other breakfast, give goodnight/good morning hugs, lifts or kisses? or anything of the sort?? Thanks! I really enjoy your writing!! ^^

alksd Yes more Kirishima requests! I love this boy he’s such a good I would die for him. Thank you anon for this quality request (sorry I couldn’t get a lot of your suggestions in bc if I did this would have been like a short novel omg I could go on forever writing fluff for this boy)

It was early morning, the golden rays of sunshine gently filtered in through the slits in the curtains. Kirishima sat at the foot of his bed, phone in his hands, trying to patiently wait for a reply. He had been hinting to something for the past few days, nothing saucy or anything like that, but more of a wholesome idea. His idea was, of course, that he wanted you to move in with him. Although, he had just now had finally been able to put his thoughts into words. Staring at the screen of his phone he wondered if you were even awake at this hour. Sending you a text asking about a possibly sensitive topic probably wasn’t the best move now that he thought about it. He nevertheless waited for your answer. After all, he did have his own apartment and you had been complaining about your roommates for as long as he could remember. In his head it all made sense. The two of you had been dating since high school and things have been a little lonely for him since Bakugou had moved out. 

Kirishima got up to move to the main room and into the tiny kitchen to browse his options for breakfast. With a frown he picked up some leftovers of whatever the hell he managed to make from the night before and shoved it into the microwave. Classy. He moved to get a glass of water and nearly choked on his water when his phone buzzed and he saw the preview for your text. Without a moments hesitation he unlocked his phone and practically flew to the door, grabbing his keys and ignoring the beeping of the microwave. 

As soon as he arrived at your apartment he got the stink eye from one of your roommates when they answered the door. He ignored them and waited for them to yell at you to come to the door. The second you appeared in the door frame he reached out and grabbed you pulling you into a tight hug, lifting you up and spinning you around. You laughed at his excitement and gave him a quick kiss as soon as he let you go. Looking like the love struck fool that he was, he followed after you as you beckoned him inside the apartment. 

“You sure got here fast.” You laughed giving him a coy look. He responded by tugging you over to you to pepper your face with kisses while you giggled your little butt off.

“I was just so excited! This is so exciting!” He beamed after his onslaught of kisses. 

“Just help me pack already.” You said tossing him a few things. “I didn’t ask for you to come over just to talk.”

The both of you managed to pack things up relatively fast. You hated to admit it but you hadn’t even unpacked most of your things since moving in with your awful roommates. It was a mixture between procrastination and the slow realization that your roommates, were in fact, awful. You had decided to leave things packed in a few large boxes in case you had the chance to flee this place. Although you were a little hesitant at first, thinking that they would be upset with you for moving out you almost refused Kirishima’s request for you to move in with them. Luckily for you, as one of your roommates screeched across the apartment that you were, “out of ass wipe,” definitely swayed your choice. 

You arrived to your boyfriend’s apartment in record time considering it was pretty much down the street. It was clear that the two of you wanted to get there and spend some time together. So after hefting all the boxes up the stairs to his apartment you flopped down onto the couch, reveling in the new found freedom. It wasn’t long before Kirishima joined you and pulled you to him. He nuzzled his face into your neck and blew a few raspberries earning some surprised squeaks and sputters from you. 

“This is so unfair!” You managed you yelp through laughs. 

“Well now that you moved in I get to torment you with affection!” He grinned before continuing to tickle and kiss you.

“No, stop! It’s too much I swear you’re going to get kicked and it’s not going to be my fault!” You almost wheezed. “Someone help! I need a hero!” 

“Oh well that’s just cruel. Are you calling me a villain now?” He said with a pout. He feigned being hurt and stopped, putting a hand over his eyes and pretending to cry. You jabbed him in the side and he lifted his hand giving you a coy smile. 

“You’re such a butt Kiri, are you going to be this dramatic all the time?” You asked poking his cheek. 

“You should know by now how I am you know.” He said poking you back. 

“I know exactly how you are unfortunately.” You said. “And I know that you probably don’t have anything here for lunch do you?”

Kirishima sighed letting his head fall back onto the couch, thinking back to his forgotten leftovers in the microwave. He didn’t try to negate your statement which gave you your answer. Getting up you sauntered over to the little kitchen and opened up some of the drawers and cabinets. You frowned and looked over to the small pantry seeing that there was barely anything in there. 

“Kiri, this is just sad.” You called to him. 

“I know it’s bad.” He replied weakly. “I’ve been meaning to go shopping but..”

“I’ll see what I can do.” You huffed putting your hands on your hips. He perked up and poked his head up from the couch. 

“You’re cooking?” He asked. 

“Well you have enough for… some things at least.” You said. “It’s going to be better than whatever is seeping out of the microwave.”

You jabbed your thumb over your shoulder to the very sad looking microwave. Kirishima felt bad for leaving such a horrid thing in there. He’d have to open it to clean it but he wasn’t looking forward to the smell. He let out a groan and slowly got up to make his way to the small kitchen. You watched as he carefully opened the microwave and take out the smelly leftovers. 

“Gross…” You gagged and pinched your nose while fanning the air in front of you with your other hand. “Just put it in the trash already!”

“I’m going, I’m going!” He said rushing to the trash and slamming the odorous mess into it. 

You turned away and gathered things for whatever your could make out of this very limited amount of supplies. You knew it was definitely going to include rice considering you pretty much lived off the stuff yourself. Sometimes you just need to eat a bowl of plain rice and deal with it. After cleaning up his mess, Kirishima turned his attention to you and watched in admiration as you started to prepare something for lunch. He was completely smitten with you and he’d shout that to the heavens if you so much as asked. With a little smirk he slowly made his way over to you and snaked his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder. You huffed and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. 

“Oi, if you’re gonna stand here and be a nuisance you’re not gonna eat.” You said attempting to try and combine ingredients. “Here, chop these things up and be useful.” 

“Yes ma’am!” He chirped taking the assigned ingredients and moving to the side. His heart was soaring just being able to cook with you and he kept glancing at you like some sort of middle schooler with a crush. After cutting up all he needed to cut he leaned over and threw it into the pan as you instructed him to. Of course he didn’t do this without stealing a little kiss from you. You shook you head but he knew you were secretly delighted. It took him a second to realize that you had set the lid over the pan to let things simmer letting him try to take this opportunity, 

“(Y/n)...” He cooed. You turned around and yelped as he lifted you up and set you on top of the small counter. His hands rest on your thighs while your hands had flown up to his shoulders instinctively. He reached up and brought your face down a bit to kiss you. His lips were a little chapped but you didn’t mind because they were warm and inviting. You were lost in the feeling and as he pulled away you found yourself cupping his face and bringing him into another kiss instead. He hummed into the kiss obviously pleased with his own decision to put you on the counter. You broke and nuzzled your nose with his, both of you grinning at each other like idiots. Oh how you could get used to this…