urgh people are being mean about fics again. can’t we all just be nice to eachother. can’t we all just eat a cake of rainbows and sunshine’s and be happy? y’all feeling the need to tell the whole internet ur negative opinions about stuff is getting super tiring :(

I think I’m going to cry

A Court of Shadows and Sunlight - Chapter One

Oh hey there. I'm still not sure how long this fic will be, and I haven't written since high school. Anyway I can't stop thinking about Gwynriel. Enjoy?

Ao3 link

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Azriel stood across the training ring, watching as the red-headed priestess faced the ribbon she had hung weeks before. At this point, he almost felt sympathy for Gwyn and the other Valkyries in training. The night after she presented the ribbons, Azriel had gone back up to the ring in the dark and attempted the challenge himself. Even after hundreds of years as a warrior, he wasn’t able to cut the ribbon on his first try. He doubted the three females would cut their own any time soon. They were all still so green. 

Being a warrior means our Valkyrie may see battle his shadows whispered in his ear We don’t want her in harm’s way

He shook his head, clearing the bothersome whisps as he refocused on the sight before him. Gwyn stared a hole in the white fabric of her ribbon as she readjusted her hold on the grip of her sword. Slowly, she lifted the weapon into the air. As she brought the blade down in a graceful arc, Azriel could have sworn time slowed to a trickle. Like a minnow flashing through water, the silver blade of Gwyn’s sword swept through the air. Yet to Azriel, it seemed as though it took a lifetime before the glinting blade met white. And then, in an instant, half of the ribbon was fluttering to the ground. 

Valkyrie a shadow whispered in his ear

Azriel couldn’t help his elated smile as Gwyn and the others celebrated her new status. She was a true Valkyrie now. Had been becoming one for a while now. Gone was the quiet, reserved priestess who had walked into Azriel’s ring months before. Gone was the female who could barely meet his gaze. Now, Gwyn met his challenges with ones of her own. She looked him in the eye and pushed at him with taunts and friendly teasing. And cauldron damn him if Azriel didn’t like it. 

You love it, an unhelpful shadow murmured. 

As he mused on their progress and watched Nesta and Emerie beat their own ribbons, his thoughts kept returning to Gwyn. Her laugh. The way the sun caught in her turquoise eyes like water in a pool. The way her leathers clung to her like a second skin. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that Azriel had no awareness of the soft, golden thing that was forming in his chest. Was blind to it and the way it seemed to sprawl out in the air between him and the priestess, reaching for her but not quite connecting the two. He was oblivious, until that golden chord went taught. Until it snapped. 

Surprise forced a huff of air out of his lips. 

Mate! Mate! Mate! His shadows cried, whipping themselves into a frenzy around him until he could barely see what was before his own eyes. 

For a moment, Azriel was overcome with deep, abounding joy. Finally, after hundreds of years it was his turn. The cauldron had deemed it fit to bless him with what he craved the most. Then, that joy curdled in his gut. This couldn't be happening. Someone like her couldn’t be tied to someone like him. Where she was all soft freckles and sunlight, Azriel was quite literally scars and shadow. He couldn’t, wouldn’t, put this on her. Wouldn’t shackle the priestess who had come so far, been through so much, to someone like him. Someone who knew more about how to hurt than he did to heal. 

“Az, you good?” Cassian called from his side of the ring, no doubt seeing the commotion his shadows were still creating. Without a word in response, Azriel stepped into a pocket of darkness and disappeared. 

When he could see again, he stood in a forest clearing somewhere just outside of Velaris. Birds nestled in the trees, their songs forgotten when they felt the turmoil that had just landed in their midst. Azriel paced, thoughts racing so quickly he could barely decipher them as he ran his hands through his raven hair. His shadows still would not settle, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was so royally fucked. He was so caught up in his own misery that he didn’t notice Cassian's approach until crackling leaves announced the general’s landing. 

“Az, what’s wrong” he said as his wings tucked themselves in behind his back. 

“Nothing,” Azriel replied, allowing an air of practiced neutrality to take over his demeanor. He bottled that thing tightly in his chest, refusing to allow it to burst free. 

“Bullshit,” Cassian answered, “they finally cut those damn things, and instead of congratulating them, you just, what disappear?”

“No,” Azriel replied, too riled to respond further. He was worried that if he tried to craft a response, his frayed nerves would force him to let out the truth. Already, some deep, primal part of him wanted to shout it from the rooftops. She was his. His mate. He burned with the need to claim, to take what was his. 

Mate! Mate! Mate! His shadows still whispered, even as the more loyal ones had slipped off to keep tabs on Cass. 

“Az,” Cassian started, placing a hand on his shoulder. At the touch, something broke inside of Azriel. He couldn’t contain enough of this new thing, this new need, within himself. He whirled, landing a punch square to the general’s jaw. 

“What the fu-“ he was cut off by another jab, this time square to the gut. Azriel stepped back, fists raised as he gave Cassian a moment to get into a stance of his own. He had to work off this energy. Had to blow off some steam before he was able to go back up to the house of wind. He damn well couldn’t go back there like this. Couldn’t face Gwyn when he still felt more beast than male. 

With a challenging grin, Cassian struck out. Azriel knew the blow was coming for his jaw. Had plenty of time to block, but he let the hit land. Let it rock though him. Let it distract him from her. From the way he longed to step into that library and take what his instincts said was his. 

Once his blurred vision steadied, he struck out, aiming for Cassian but missing by a mile. Cassian swung again, landing a solid fist in his gut. Azriel, usually the better fighter of the pair, was getting his ass handed to him. 

While Azriel tried to catch his suddenly lost breath, Cassian seized the moment, taking the fight to the ground. The two warriors struggled among the twigs and leaves,  each fighting for dominance before Cassian finally won out. 

“I’ll say it again,” Cassian ground out, spitting blood, “What. The. Fuck”. Azriel shifted his gaze, unable to meet Cassian's glare. A calloused hand gripped his jaw, wrenching his face back to look at the lord of bloodshed. Csssian waited, staring down at him in a way that said he would stay here all day, pinning Azriel into the forest floor until he told him the truth. Knowing Cassian, the stubborn ass probably would hold him there until he spoke true. There was no choice but to tell him. 

Azriel took a deep breath, overcome by the sudden appearance of a lump in his throat. There, held to the ground by his brother, he felt as though his very soul had been ripped out of his chest for the other Illyrian to see. Blinking furiously, he forced himself to look Cassian in the eye as he quietly, almost inaudibly gasped out. 

“She’s my mate”

Baby Octavius spending time with mom and dad. He a chunky olive baby

I’m jumping you back into the hp fandom. I need to know your in depth opinions on jily!

Are you sure? I mean, are you sure?

...Alright, then.

WARNINGS: This is going to be so very extremely anti. Anti-Lily, Anti-James, Anti-Jily, Anti-JKR. Just... so much negativity. Seriously, please don't read this if you like even a part of any of these.

Are we clear?

Okay.

So, to begin with, James and Lily are held up as paragons of virtue for a lot of the first half of the series, and I'm honestly convinced that's what JKR intended them to be. Even when she tries to make them more like characters than ideals, it's fairly half-hearted from an author who has brought us such great examples of depth and complexity as Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore.

There is so much room for extrapolation and fan interpretations, not least of all because both of them exhibit some deeply disturbing behaviour that mostly gets glossed over by the narrative. And my interpretations aren't going to be kind. Mostly, I'm sad to say, as a reaction to 1) fans of Jily trying to shove it down my throat when I was a teenager and 2) JKR's anti-trans warmongering making me highly critical of a lot of her attitudes towards gender, sexuality, and relationships.

So, first, I'm going to try and detail what we actually know about them from canon. Then, I'm going to talk a bit about how knowledge of JKR's prejudices and biases have affected my interpretation. Then... I'm going to drag Jily through the mud.

So, James and Lily met on the train to boarding school at eleven. James picked on her friend based on a social prejudice that's new to her, and she removed them from the situation. Over the following years, James picks on her friend frequently, which she doesn't ever seem indignant about, culminating in the event where James, who's had a crush on her for a while and obviously enough that Severus noticed it, tries to threaten her into dating hi., Lily puts him down harshly, and then leaves her newly ex-friend to his mercies after he insulted her. At some point about a year to a year and a half later, they start dating after 'James deflated his head a little'. They marry straight out of school, and join a vigilante group to fight terrorists together. Also, James goes into training to become an Auror. There is no mention, afaik, as to what else Lily is doing in that time, besides that we know that she and James 'thrice defied' Voldemort, presumably in person, given that I'm sure a lot more couples 'thrice defied' him in some way during the course of those three years. They have a child two years into joining this war, and go into hiding to protect him. They know there's a spy in the Order, and this fractures their friendships (well, James's we're never told who Lily's friends are besides Severus except that she has them), while James chafes at the restrictions of being in hiding. Eventually, Voldemort finds them, and James tries to hold him off without a wand while Lily runs upstairs to get Harry, then stands over his crib begging Voldemort to spare her baby.

That's... pretty much all we know of them from canon.

Metatextually, we know that Lily is meant to represent the unconditional love of the mother, the selfless sacrifice, and James is meant to represent the ideal that Harry's striving to become. (Ask me some time about how disturbing I find the parallels between Jily and Hinny.) And that together, they are meant to be the shining example of love and happiness and bravery and justice. (Also ask me some time about how there isn't a single adult in Harry's life who looks at him and cares (or doesn't care) about him for him, instead of because of who his parents are.)

And given what I now know about JKR's ideas about gender, gender roles, and therefore the standard hetrosexual relationships of our society... The disturbing inconsistencies between what we're told about Jily and what we actually see of their relationship begin to make a lot more sense.

So on the one hand, I fully believe that Lily and James belong together and deserve each other. On the other, I don't really mean that as a good thing.

James's feelings towards Lily are not selfless and they're not kind. He bullies her friend and tries to use that as leverage to get her to date him, and literally only stops where she can see him after that. Lily... finds that good enough. Frankly, given some of the details and turns of phrase in the the Prince's Tale, I would go so far as to say she passively encouraged him even before that. Look at the way she talks to Severus about the bullying. She condemns James's behaviour once, in passing, to stop Severus from bringing him up so that she can continue to scold him. (I'm not passing judgement on whether that scolding was justified or not, that is a whole different meta.)

We don't know what they looked like while they were dating, but we do know they probably weren't even dating for a full year before they got married. Understandable given the state of war their world was in, but... not something I'd hold up as a sign of good decision making on either of their parts. James 'got the girl' (I don't think I need to elaborate on why I find that whole dynamic skeevy) and Lily... I get some serious 'I can fix him' vibes from her decision to date him, and that never ends well. After that, we're told that James and Sirius are trying/want to become Aurors. (I think. I can't actually remember where... Please correct me if I'm wrong and that's only fanon.) With no mention of what Lily's doing afaik.

We know she fights for the order, but... I expect, if you asked JKR what Lily's career was, the answer would be 'housewife'. Within a year or so, she's pregnant, a year later, she's in hiding, a year later, she's dead.

Now, I do understand that part of the justification for all of this will be 'it was war, they were young and in love', but it seems like a really stupid thing, to me, when they've been personally and repeatedly targeted by Voldemort himself, to have a baby. They're really young, James can't possibly be out of training yet, there is a mass-murdering dark wizard gunning for them, Lily is part of his preferred demographic to torture and kill, and their reaction is 'you know what would make this situation better? A baby!'?!

Now, why would Lily, who from what we've seen was a passionate, (self-)righteous person, be willing to take time off from fighting a war that's both extremely personal to her and also escalating fairly quickly, to dedicate herself to raising a baby? Because motherhood is the epitome of womanhood. How could she not?

Hello, JKR, I can see you there behind the curtain again.

As for James in all of this... Well, I've written a draft ranting about James Potter that I didn't post because I try not to spew negativity all over the internet anymore (I tried that once, it wasn't fun for anybody). But I will say that I think there are some deeply sinister interpretations of a rich spoiled bully immediately going into law enforcement after school while his 'headstrong' wife ends up staying home to watch the baby.

TL;DR: Lily and James are that perfect married couple who on the surface appear to be every romantic dream made real, but when you scratch the surface, a lot of ugliness oozes out. At best they were young and stupid and made some significant mistakes that they never got the chance to learn from and reflect on because they died so young. At worst they were a toxic, abusive mess vying for power over each other and we only never got to see them fall apart because they died so young.

(Of course, they never would have, because we know that this is JKR's idea of an ideal relationship. Yikes.)

They are so severely fucked up, and if they'd actually been presented that way, I might have actually found them engaging and interesting, as individuals and as a couple. But I took a hard right into 'I'm fucking done' because so many people bought into the stereotypical heteronormative love story of a couple who can do no wrong.

wait... if anyone can be creecherified, and your into aa, does that mean aa creechers exist?

i was waiting to see how long it would take for someone to request this

You ever read a thing that clearly fundamentally misunderstands a thing you know something about and you think briefly about trying to educate people but then you come to your senses and just keep scrolling?

THAT’S SELF-CARE BABY!!!!

Most people aren’t truly living…

They’re just existing.

Doing the bare minimum to get by.

No ambition…

No drive…

No enthusiasm…

No purpose.

Just floating through life.

People like that don’t win championships.

They don’t make a lasting impact on society.

They don’t contribute to anything.

…and nobody remembers them after they’re gone.

I bet since you’re reading this … you don’t want to end up that way.

You need to make the right choices on a daily basis that push you forward…

…and stop pushing everything off until “the timing is right.”

Life moves fucking fast.

Days turn into weeks…

Weeks turn into months…

Months turn into years…

…and if you don’t take action, you’ll end up looking back at your life with a massive feeling of regret.

Don’t just exist…

Live your life.

I hope this helps <3

Folks: Let art be bad again. Let people express their feelings and thoughts and wants and pain and whatever else even in ways that are messy and sloppy and unpolished. Let art come from anyone, anywhere, whether or not you personally like it. Let it be whatever it is to whatever audience it attracts.

Taylor Swift: =drops a new song/album=

Same Folks: .......well, actually--

I finally got around to making a page about fusärk lore (that's what my fursona/sporesona is). This took way too long to make but here it is I guess.

The text reads...

Fusärk Documentation

Fusärks have a reptile-like snout, horse ears, tusks, antennas, fluffy manes, bird wings, opposable front paws and canine back legs with a long fluffed dino tail. They usually have shades of yellow, brown & grey fur but some of the unusual variations can be, light yellow/cream, white, dark purple and dark blues. Their eyes are most commonly blue, green, yellow and purple. Rarer variations are red/pink, silver and orange.

Fusärks originated from the planet Verdantis, a lush planet covered in different creatures. They can regulate their body temperature in most climates with their antennas, despite having so much fur. They are also omnivorous but most tend to enjoy fruits and greens over fish and meats, their tusks help them bite into large, tough fruits and vegetables. They are also fairly swift fliers but they can tire quickly from flight.

Civilizations of fusärks and their captains usually favor non-violent means of doing things, this is also why it's looked down upon to eat lots of meat. They are usually friendly when visiting an alien planet and towards alien visitors. They can be unfriendly towards other fusärks who have failed to do so.

Fusärks are an intelligent spacefaring species that tend to favor a non-violent approach to most situations.

Their fur tends to be some shades of yellow, brown & grey and their mouths blue and or purple. There are rarely variations from this.

They mainly eat things made from fish and fruit, some do occasionally enjoy cooked meats but it's looked down upon to eat a lot of meat.

The planet Verdantis is home to the fusärk population but is also home to many other wild, tropical creatures.