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harryspet · 4 years

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why won’t you love me | peter parker

[Warnings] peter parker x dark reader, yandere reader, sub!peter, dom!reader, crime boss au, stalker au, senior year au, kidnapping, violence, underage drinking, noncon sex, oral sex (male receiving), bondage, peter and reader are 18

A/N: This is inspired by two ideas I received as well as the lyrics “I will have you, yes, I will have you. I will find a way and I will have you. Like a butterfly, a wild butterfly, I will collect you and capture you.” Obsession- Animotion for @mariessecretfantasies 500 Follower Writing Challenge! Please go follow her and read her dark fics :)

TRIGGERING ADULT CONTENT AHEAD

In which Peter won’t love you so you force him to.

word count: 3.4k

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Mr. Shum was famous. You, his daughter, were not. This led you to hosting parties at your father’s mansion to up your cool points. It was senior year and, since everyone wanted to party, you were often the one people called. Your father didn’t mind, it only solidified his cover as a gracious and kind businessman. His kind eyes and humor was enough to make a lot of believe it but you knew that you were the only person he was kind to.

You’d seen enough severed limbs to know that was true.

Brad had set the entire thing up and all you had to do was order your servants to get things in order. Peter was coming tonight and you’d finally get the chance to properly thank him for saving your life a few months ago. Maybe you’d even confess your feelings and the life you always dreamed of would start tonight.

Maybe you’d start with like instead of love. You loved him but maybe telling him that would scare him away. You didn’t want him to run from you.

You had known Peter since fifth grade but he still felt out of touch with him. You were never more than friends. Not even close friends, practically acquaintances. That was going to change.

The dress you were wearing was completely out of your comfort zone but you did your best to dress like the other girls did at your school. It was a silver body con dress that gripped your curves and highlighted features that you didn’t even know you had. When Brad saw you, his mouth was completely agape, “Woah, you look great!” Your mouth began to tug into a smile but, before you knew it, he was shoving a large paper bag into your hands, “Put this in the punch, will you?”

You looked down to see several bottles of vodka, “Is that safe?” You asked, your tone worried.

“Yeah, of course,” Brad insisted, starting to walk away, “This is going to be amazing, Y/N!”

You sighed walking over to the refreshments table. People were already starting to show up and soon the entire senior class would be there. You twisted open the bottles and poured them to the glass bowl. It wasn’t long before kids were shoving their red cups into the mixture.

After you were done, you simply dusted your hands together and went to look for your spider darling. Your giant living room flashed with multicolored lights as a song by a rapper you didn’t know played loudly over everyone’s shouting. Like instinct, you could sense where he was. You found him slouched against a white pillar, sipping at a red solo cup.

He was wearing one of his nice button ups and a pair of jeans. Oh god, you loved the color blue on him. Any color looked good on him actually, “Hi, Peter,” You smiled, tapping his shoulder. He seemed to be distracted but you blamed it on the alcohol, “Enjoying the party?”

As his head turned and those brown eyes looked into yours, your heart melted, “Y-Yeah,” He stuttered awkwardly, leaning his hand against the pillar, “Your house i-is beautiful … nice decor.”

“You think so?” You tried not to seem eager as you imagined Peter coming over all of the time. After school to study … maybe the two of you taking a dip into the pool. You imagined that his body was heavenly. Sculpted by a God-

“Yeah, it’s great,” Peter grinned. He grinned at you, “Y-You look nice. I’ve never seen you dress like that.” Did he think you were cute or was he trying to spare your feelings? Did he prefer how you normally dressed? You were overthinking.

“I’m trying something new. You look nice too,” Peter nodded his thanks, “You’re drinking?” You gestured to his cup.

“Nope, sprite,” Peter said, “May would kill me and I have to make sure Ned gets home in one piece. I don’t know if alcohol is really my thing…”

Did he look down on you because you were throwing a party that was serving alcohol? Did he look down on you because you were drinking? You held your cup close to your side as you said, “Me too. I mean, I don’t really get the people who can only have fun when they’re drunk …” You were sure your conversation wasn’t going well but Peter still seemed to be receptive to you. Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he did have feelings for you, “So, we’ve missed you at Academic Bowl.”

“I’ve missed you guys too,” Peter said, causing your cheeks to heat. You knew he was referring to everyone in Academic Bowl but you couldn’t help but take it personally, “I wish I had the time. This moment right here is the only freedom I’ve had in like six months.”

“And you’re spending it caring for a drunk Ned?” You raised an eyebrow.

Peter shrugged, chuckling, “Well, when you say it like that it sounds crazy,” You loved his laugh. You loved how he nervously tucked his hand into his front pocket.

“Peter, I’ve been wanting to tell you something for a while,” He perked up and looked at you attentively like he actually cared. You played with the ends of your dress nervously, looking down a bit as you decided to finally let your feelings go, “That day on the bridge when our bus was about to go over the edge … I never knew real fear until then. I thought I’d experienced all the trauma in the world but nothing could compare to that a-and you save me. I’ve never really met someone who’s cared for other people so much … It made me start thinking,like actually thinking about things and-”

As you looked up, you noticed he was looking past you. He had completely tuned out of your speech, and as you turned your head, you got a glimpse of what he was looking at. MJ was standing by the mantle of the fireplace, talking to some girl.

You couldn’t breathe. Your heart was shattering. Peter reached out to grab your shoulder, “I’m so sorry. Keep going, please.”

You shook your head, a fake smile on your lips, “It’s fine. I have to do something. Thanks for coming!” You scurried off before he could utter another world. The moment you turned back, he was already gone and walking over to MJ.

You crushed your cup, causing the liquid to spill out.

You could kill MJ. She already broke Peter’s heart so why was he running back to her? Why couldn’t she let you have him? Why was everyone so hell-bent on destroying your happiness? Your thoughts were overwhelming and the only thing that seemed to keep them at bay was Brad’s special punch.

You tossed your cup down, watching it fall three stories to the ground. Looking over, you wondered if you could survive the drop. As you lost your balance for a moment, you pressed your back against the roof, giggling. Your world was spinning so much.

It was a wonder that you hadn’t fallen off from climbing up here in the first place. You took a deep breath and pulled out your phone. You scrolled through your contacts, your vision blurry, before recognizing the heart emojis attached to his name.

You closed your eyes for a moment as you pressed the phone to your ear. You guessed he was in the middle of a conversation, the hint of laughter and joy in his voice, “Y/N? You’re calling me from your own party?”

His voice only reminded you of why you loved him in the first place. You hated the control he had over your every emotion. You hated how you craved him and he remained oblivious to it.

“I didn’t … I didn’t want to throw the party. I just wanted to see you. I wanted you to see me in this dress,” Your voice was solemn as you slurred into the phone.

“I got that you had to tell me something but then you stormed off … You sound very drunk. Where are you exactly?”

You shook your head as if Peter could see you right now. You opened your eyes and the night sky was above you, “I try so hard … nothing ever works out the way I want.”

“You try so hard to do what? Where are you, Y/N?” You could hear him moving around, his feet shuffling, and the murmur of Pop music.

You looked around, “On the roof … I needed fresh air.”

“On the roof? And you’re drunk?”

“I think …” Your voice trailed off, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m over everything. I was being crazy. I get so attached sometimes even though it hurts me-”

“Please don’t move, Y/N, I’m going to help you down,” You sat up from your position which only made your head spin more.

“Peter, just listen to me! You never listen to me,” You pouted, “You never see me. I have to accept that it’s never going to change. You’re gonna chase the girls who break your heart, not the ones willing to love you …. Peter? Peter?” You heard nothing from the other side.

Before you even had time to be disappointed, Peter’s head peeked over the side of the roof, “How did you even get up here?” Peter groaned, lifting himself up. He was still a good twenty feet away from where you had wandered on the slanted roof.

Peter actually came. He cared enough to talk to you in person. You’d been wrong about him. It caused you to grin but Peter’s face only held worry. Peter began to slide towards you, even taking a second to look over and see how far the drop was, “Give me your hand,” He ordered you as he moved closer.

You proceeded to pull your feet from over the edge and try to stand up, “Just let me tell you how I feel-”

“Y/N,” He whisper shouted your name, attempting to not frazzle you, “Sit back down, please.”

“If I don’t tell you now then I’ll never get the chance!” You slurred, trying not to stumble.

“You’re going to kill yourself, please sit back down,” Peter said back, every step closer only caused you to step back. Peter stopped, subtly trying to equip his web-shooters.

“It doesn’t matter! I don’t want to live in a world where you’re not mine-” A shriek left your lips as you finally stepped the wrong way and you fell over the edge. You waited for the impact but the jolt you felt was not from the pavement. You were spinning and, as you looked up, a web was connecting you to Peter.

Peter let out a heavy sigh as he pulled you up. He carried you back to the balcony. The two of you didn’t stay upright for long because your knees gave out and Peter caught you with his arms. He softly brought you to the ground and you stared up into those brown eyes with admiration.

He saved you.

You reached up to touch his cheek, “Y-You love me?”

“Jesus,” Peter shook his head, “What?”

Suddenly, you were sober.

You noticed a crowd had gathered around the two of you. You looked like a disaster, your dress riding high, and your mascara running down your face. Peter pulled your hand away, an exhausted look on his face. He stood up before saying, “Can someone get her some water? And find her somewhere to sleep?” That was all he said before he left the balcony.

This was different than any other rejection you had ever felt.

“Darling, it’s the ninth day you haven’t gone to school.”

You didn’t look up from your desk as your father entered your room. You were still typing at your computer, writing a scientific article for your organic chemistry class. You were still typing away as you felt a hand on your shoulder. It caused you to pause as your lips pressed into a thin line.

“I’m getting my work done,” You said to him, still not willing to look at him. You weren’t going to school and you were using your work to distract you from the fact that you asked Peter Parker if he loved you in front of a bunch of people. Not to mention that you drunkenly fell off your own roof.

Peter hadn’t attempted to contact you, and judging by the talk you heard online, you were officially psychotic in everyone’s minds.

Your father set a white box on your desk and you immediately recognized the log. DONATELLI”S PASTRIES. You opened the box to find your favorite, a red velvet cupcake, “Thank you,” You said, your mood threatening to improve.

Your father sure did know how to buy your affection.

He sighed before saying, “I hate to see that boy breaking my little girl’s heart. First, he threatens my business, a goddamn child is getting my partners arrested, and now this. I preferred it when he was fighting aliens.”

Your fist clenched tightly as you listened, “Superheros think they can do whatever they want.”

Your father agreed, “I really came in here to propose an idea to you,” You perked up at that, “What if I told you I could take care of your spider-boy problem?”

“How?”

“It’s a matter of keeping him distracted long enough to strike. Putting civilian lives on the line seems to do it for him. Besides that, I’ve come into a very valuable resource that will keep him sedated long enough to toss him into the Hudson and makes sure he sinks to the bottom.”

You thought for a long moment, “I don’t want you to kill him, Dad.”

Your father cocked his head to the side, his eyebrow raised, “You know you collect things … Mr. Medina’s left pinky … that police officer’s badge,” Your father was well aware of what he did with his enemies but he had not expected his daughter to take after him, “I want to add him to my collection.”

“I see,” Your father nodded, “Then it’s done. Anything for my little girl.”

A spider for your collection.

You smiled wickedly.

It was a screaming bus of children. That’s what landed Spiderman in the clutches of Mr. Shum. Luckily, they had survived but Peter wasn’t sure if he would. His face was dripping with blood and the bullet wound to his abdomen didn’t look to be healing anytime soon.

Peter hung from the ceiling by his wrist, the chains he suspected were made of vibranium or at least a knock off version of it. His spidey sense was completely off and his swollen eyes didn’t even allow him to see the punches as they came.

Peter fought as hard as he could but the darkness eventually consumed him.

He awoke to the feeling of warmth being pressed to his skin. As his eyes slowly opened, he found a smiling you hovering over you. Immediately Peter jolted up but was pulled back by chains attached to the bedpost. As he attempted to move his legs, he felt the same thing.

You shushed him, “Hey, calm down, you’re going to tear your stitches,” You whispered, dabbing the wet cloth against his face. Peter flinched at your touch but you kept it up. You were straddling his waist and as Peter looked down he realized he was completely naked, “I didn’t think you’d wake up so soon-”

“Y/N, what the hell is going on?” Peter’s voice was tired, desperate, his face starting to turn red, “Where are my clothes?”

“I had to give you a bath, it’s been days since you passed out,” You told him and it frightened Peter how calm you were, “I’m not like my father, I’m going to take care of you. He just had to show you what would happen if you tried to hurt me.”

Peter watched as you hinted at his bandaged abdomen, “Why? Why are you doing this?”

“Because I love you,” You grinned, running your hands over his muscular chest. You assumed right. His body was completely perfect and now it was all yours.

“Don’t say that,” Peter winced.

You leaned down closer to his face, “I’ve loved you for a long time, Peter.”

“Don’t say that!” Peter started pulling at the chain again which only led you to press your fingers, hard into the bandage on his abdomen. The boy cried out in pain and it broke your heart.

“Why don’t you love me too?” You asked, starting to grow frustrated, “I love you so much but you don’t even care! Why can’t you just love me back?”

“Because that’s crazy!” He shouted back, “We’re only friends and kidnapping me is not going to change that!”

“Kidnap?” You questioned, shaking your hand, “You are my one and only love, Peter. How can it be kidnapping if I must be with you? If I must have you as my soulmate?”

“Y/N, please. My family and this city needs me-”

“And MJ needs you?” You pressed your hand against his chest, staring him down, “Huh? The girl who rejects you and yet you chase her while I’m here willing to love you. If only you loved me back-”

“Y/N,” Peter tried to calm himself and ration with you, “If you just let me go, we could make this work. You’re right, I’ve been blind. I’ve been chasing MJ when I should’ve been chasing you.”

Your shoulders slumped and your eyes seemed to lighten as you heard his words, “You mean it?”

Peter nodded eagerly, “Y-Yes, and we could go on a date together. We could get to know each other more,” You were nodding now, the idea of it sounding completely magical. This was all you ever wanted, “If you undo the chains, we could do that.”

Your mouth quickly turned to a frown and you sighed. Peter watched as you went still, “I can’t risk it. You’ve shown me time and time again that you don’t know what’s good for you,” Peter shook his head, the fear starting to settle in as your hands rubbed up and down his chest. Peter continued to flinch as they moved lower, towards the area between his legs, “You’ll have to learn to love me, Peter.”

“S-Stop,” Peter begged as you finger traced along his length. Like the teenage boy you knew he was, he easily started to grow hard beneath your grasp.

“I’m not one of those girls who thinks you should save your virginity for marriage. I think you should wait until you meet the right person,” You palmed his cock in your hand, feeling it getting harder. You watched as he pulled at his chains and his face contorted into different expressions of disgust and desperation, “And you’re my person, Peter.”

You licked your palm, lubricating it before placing it back on his cock. You pulled and tugged, pumping up and down. You smirked as moans threatened to escape those pink lips. You leaned down and, as Peter turned his head, you placed kisses along his jaw.

“Y/N, please…” He begged.

“Please keep going? Please show your love for me by milking me dry?” He shook his head and you grinned, “My hearts been a toy for you all these years, perhaps now you'll understand what it is to be someone’s toy.”

You moved down Peter’s body, planting kisses and hickies before your mouth reached the member between his legs. Peter lifted his head, watching, “Okay, okay, I understand! Don’t please!” You felt his legs thrash as your tongue licked his pink tip.

You held onto his muscular legs as your tongue swirled around his tip. Peter’s head flew back in ecstasy as you took him further into your mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, your tongue still swirling.

His deep groans effectively soaked the area between your legs and you loved how they turned to whimpering and pleading. Peter lasted longer than you expected but it wasn't long before his body contorted and warm liquid sprayed down your throat and into your mouth. As you removed your mouth, you continued to pump his softening cock which caused him to thrash around even more from the over stimulation.

You swallowed what was left in his mouth and began to kiss up his body. His eyes gave a look of defeat, “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell you how much you liked it,” You said as you kissed his neck, “Baby steps, right?”

You laid down beside him, basking in his warmth. Now you weren’t just the awkward daughter of the famous Mr. Shum. You loved somebody and that somebody was going to love you.

You deserved that love.

hope you enjoyed this!

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alj4890 · 3 years

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Prompt Request

(Thomas Hunt x OC*Amanda) with the prompt, "Well...that was mean." as requested by @krsnlove in celebration of 500 followers.

(Thomas Hunt x OC*Amanda) as taken from the Choices: Red Carpet Diaries/ Regency AU storyline, None But You

A/N For my BFF who loves Regency romance just as much as I do, I'm going back to the series she encouraged me on (pretty much like she does with all my crazy ideas) for this prompt. I adored how perfect Thomas Hunt seemed in this time period. His proud, abrupt ways were made for the early 1800s. For this one, we will go even further back to Thomas and Amanda's courtship that wasn't quite a courtship 😂

@graceful-popcorn @krsnlove @alleksa16 @hopelessromantic1352 @emceesynonymroll @buzz-bee-buzz @hopefulmoonobject @rainbowsinthestorm @lxaah11 @my-heart-beats-for-ya @everythingmarvelsherlockspn @friedherringclodthing @aworldoffandoms @ab1901 @sophxwithers

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Inclinations

Lord and Lady Clifford's Ball, London...

"Oh!" Millie gripped Amanda's arm. With a jut of her chin, she hissed, "Can you believe the gall of Ms. Timmons? Look at her! That is the fifth time within the last few minutes that she has walked past Lord Summers and Lord Hunt."

Amanda covered her mouth with her fan when Millie compared the unfortunate young lady to a peacock strutting about to show off her plumage.

"If she adjusts her curl once more over her shoulder..." Millie glared at the spectacle. "I've never seen a lady more determined to catch a rich husband."

"Have you not?" Amanda managed to say without laughing. "Isn't that the point to coming to London for The Season? Aren't we all attempting to land ourselves a husband who assures us a life of comfort and security?"

"Hmph." Millie flicked open her own fan and began to use it vigorously. "Be that as it may, we at least attempt to attract gentlemen with decorum." A smile formed. "Of course, you don't have to worry about such a thing anymore."

"I do have to worry about it." Amanda argued. "No man has made me any promises or given any declarations."

"My dear friend," Millie linked her free arm with Amanda's, "some gentlemen make declarations without saying a single word." She gestured with her fan towards Thomas. "I've seen him attend more outings and balls since you first arrived than in the past two years that I have taken part in ton’s gatherings."

Amanda shook her head while her heart began to hope that her friend wasn't simply exaggerating the viscount's surprising appearance once more.

He had at past parties and balls admitted to her that he did not enjoy such and preferred the quiet life at Kirkwood Manor, his estate in Norfolk.

She wondered if he was attending these to see her.

Perhaps, then again, perhaps not.

He had not sought her out this evening for a dance nor for conversation. He had locked eyes with her from across the room and then bowed his head in greeting, but other than that he had not so much as glanced her way.

Which as much as Lady Amanda despised herself for her weakness for him, she had still peeked over at him whenever she could.

Could he possibly feel as I do?

She wished with all her heart that he felt the same for her.

"Pardon me, my lady, but may I request a dance?"

Amanda blinked and refocused on a gentleman she had only seen in passing. "Yes of course, my lord." She handed over her dance card.

*****************

"Do stop glaring, Kirkwood." Ryan insisted. "You'll scare all the ladies off if you're not careful."

Thomas merely shrugged while surreptitiously glancing over at the reason he had journeyed once more into yet another matchmaking mothers' den.

Lady Amanda Bridgerton was smiling and laughing at whatever Lady Millicent Rawlings was saying. Thomas felt his own lips curve upwards when she used her fan to try to hide her amusement.

Her happiness brought a warmth to his heart.

"There now." Ryan patted Thomas on the back. "That wasn't so hard was it?"

"What are you blabbering about now?" Thomas bit out.

"And it's gone." Ryan shook his head and heaved a deep sigh. "Why do you persist in staying away from her?"

"From whom?" Thomas nearly bit his tongue for tempting his friend into pointing out once again that he felt something more for the dark haired lady standing on the other side of the ballroom.

"Hunt." Ryan shook his head in resignation. "Why do you insist on tormenting yourself?"

"Tormenting?" Thomas chuckled as he took a sip of his drink. "I see you are finally seeing these balls in the same light as I do."

"That wasn't what I meant. I intended for you to leave my company for the one you prefer." Ryan grinned at the frustrated anger forming on his friend's face. He couldn't resist adding, "You cannot deny that Lady Amanda's is the one you desire above all others."

Thomas turned his attention once more toward the subject that he was having difficulty ignoring.

"Let's see now." Ryan continued. "I believe you have complimented her intelligence. I have overheard you mention how lovely her appearance is. Ah! And let's not forget that a moment with her has you smiling and even chuckling upon occasion."

"Absurd." Thomas huffed. "Once again, Summers, you turn a mere friendly admiration into some frivolous love story that young girls are want to dream about." He hmphed while studying Amanda. "I do worry about your mind at times. It is becoming even sillier than the ladies twittering about during their first season."

"Well...that was mean." Ryan's rich laughter drew attention to the two of them. "I believe I will find someone to soothe my damaged feelings with a dance."

Thomas rolled his eyes as Lord Summers finally took pity on the unfortunate Ms. Timmons and her efforts to try and gain such an offer from one of them.

Then he noticed their hosts' younger son, who just so happens to have a highly suspect reputation, approach Amanda.

Cursing under his breath, he began to make his way over to her side.

****************

"Shall we?" Lord Roderick Clifford held his hand out toward Amanda.

She smiled and began to take it, only for her hand to be captured in an all too familiar grip.

Her eyes widened at Thomas's nerve.

Millie simply beamed at his actions.

"This is my dance." He said, tucking her hand within the bend of his arm. "You'll have to forgive my tardiness, I was caught in an unfortunately long conversation with Summers."

Roderick merely cocked an eyebrow. "Your name was nowhere on her dance card."

"An oversight of my own, I assure you." Thomas brushed past him, pulling a bemused Amanda in his wake.

Once clear of being overheard, she squeezed his arm.

"I don't recall you requesting a dance from me this evening, Lord Hunt."

"Like I said earlier," he took her into his arms and began to waltz, "it was an oversight on my part."

She shook her head while fighting back a delighted smile. "I do not know what to think of you at times."

"Am I that difficult to figure out?" His frown softened. "I think I am a fairly average gentleman."

"Nothing about you is average, my lord." Her smile grew when she noticed the flush upon his cheeks. "You are an intelligent and interesting gentleman to be sure and yet you rarely converse with others here." She tilted her head as if pondering this great mystery. "Why is that?"

His lips parted then closed. His brow furrowed for a moment. "I suppose it is because I do not enjoy striking up conversations with people I do not know well."

"You struck up one with me when we first met." She reminded him. A soft laugh escaped her lips. "And every moment since then with you only proves that anyone would be fortunate to engage in discussions with you."

His lips curved once more as he held her gaze. "I think of the two of us, it is you that anyone would be fortunate to talk to. You have that rare gift of putting one at ease as he tries to speak."

She beamed at him. "That is a lovely compliment. Thank you for that, Lord Thomas."

He had to bite back the many other compliments that came to mind as he looked upon her. "It was merely the truth, nothing more."

"Just the same." She insisted. "Thank you."

He nodded and happened to glance up to see Ryan's smug smile nearby.

Glaring at the reminder that he had only proven his friend correct, he guided Amanda a few steps away from his nosy friend.

"I meant to ask you, is there something about Lord Clifford I should avoid?"

He focused once more upon the lady in his arms. "Yes, he er..."

Thomas wondered how to delicately say that the man was practically living at some of the brothels that some gentlemen amongst the ton preferred to visit. If not for his elder brother and father physically removing him from such a disreputable establishment, he doubted the man would be wooing ladies in a ballroom this evening.

The thought of Lady Amanda stuck with such a man for even a dance had not sat well with him. It was becoming hard enough to see morally respectable men waltz with her, much less one not fit to even touch her hand.

"His activities of late have caused a strain amongst his family and those close to him."

Her eyes narrowed somewhat as she tried to guess what the man had done.

"Is it," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "gambling?"

"No, though he is a prolific gambler." Thomas muttered.

"Is it--"

"It is not a topic for ladies' ears." He blurted out.

Her eyes widened. There was only one topic that young ladies without a husband were forbidden to discuss.

Her cheeks burned as she lowered her eyes. "I see."

Thomas relaxed somewhat once he saw she was not going to bring Lord Roderick up anymore.

"That's why you insisted on dancing with me." Amanda mumbled.

He blinked at the disappointment he heard in her voice.

Could she have actually wanted to dance with such a libertine?

Amanda sighed over the fact that Thomas was merely acting the gentleman once more. There was no true interest in his lying about this being his dance other than his chivalrous nature needing to protect an innocent lady.

She began to wish that he didn't see her as some damsel in distress in need of a knight to charge in and save her from unsavory men at every single turn.

She wished...it was foolish to wish for something that wasn't there nor would ever be. There was no jealousy or need to be by her side.

He simply was a true gentleman.

"I had planned on asking you to dance earlier." Thomas said, wondering at her despondent expression. "And in all honesty, I was looking forward to continuing our discussion on Persuasion."

She nodded. Of course. The book he insisted she read without spoiling the ending was his true interest.

She forced a smile. "Captain Wentworth, in my opinion, is a character who is determined to make himself miserable."

Thomas nearly missed a step as they made another turn about the ballroom. "What makes you think that?"

"His attempts to keep away from Ann, yet keeps finding himself drawn closer whenever he sees her or hears her voice." She raised her eyes back to his. "Why would he do such a thing, hurting them both in the process, when it is obvious she would welcome his affection?"

Thomas swallowed. "Perhaps...perhaps Captain Wentworth doubts that he could truly hold her heart. He needs to protect himself, even to the point of heartache knowing that Ann is the only one who could truly wound him."

"But he is missing out on a chance for true happiness." Amanda slowed her steps as the music began to die down.

Thomas kept her hand in his as he led her off the floor. "He is a fool." He turned back toward her. "It seems a man's inclination to be foolish when presented with the very object he yearns for most in the world. He at first doubts it's existence then fights against the very notion that it is all he truly needs. Then once the realization strikes, he is at a loss at taking the first step to secure his happiness."

Amanda took a step closer to him, inexplicably drawn by the emotion in his dark eyes. "Do you think that you would ever behave in such a manner when shown what your heart wants most?"

His grip on her hand tightened as he raised it to his lips. "I might be the most foolish of them all." He bowed his head to her. "Thank you for the dance, my lady. I hope that you will find it in your heart to save me another one when next we meet."

Thomas reluctantly released her hand and quickly left the ball.

#thomas hunt x oc #none but you #Thomas Hunt #rcd thomas hunt #thomas hunt x amanda #500 followers celebration #choices red carpet diaries #rcd regency au

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sergeanttucker · 4 years

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Uniform-/Praise Kink

Summary: Nat tries to convince (Y/N) to finally make a move on Steve, but she refuses. Unfortunately, Steve heard their conversation on a mission and now wants to know if she really wants him.

Warning: SMUT!, some dirty talk, praise, the damned stealth suit, teasing, oral (m receiving), unprotected sex (don’t do this)

Word count: 4074 (it wasn’t supposed to be this long)

AN - I’m so fucking sorry all of this took me so long.

AN2 - This is part of my 500 Follower Celebration.

AN3 - Feedback appreciated

Living in the tower was great for the most part. There was everything you could ever need and you did not have to worry about anything. Well, apart from the alien attacks and looming apocalypses.

The only thing that drove (Y/N) crazy was the blonde super soldier aka. Captain America aka. Steve Rogers. The perfect gentleman, always attentive and helpful, perfect body, perfect hair and a much too attractive face. Was it even allowed to look that good?

Right now, he stood at the end of the table and explained the plan for the mission, which would take place next week, but (Y/N) could not concentrate on what he said, too busy watching the muscles working under his much too tight shirt.

"You're drooling." Natascha's voice hit her ears, she had moved closer to her to whisper in her ear, a grin on her face.

"I can’t help it, why does he have to wear those tight shirts? It's his fault." (Y/N) defended herself. Natasha's grin grew. "Maybe you should finally do something about it, tell him you want him."

(Y/N)'s eyes widened as she looked at her friend. "Oh yeah, good plan. 'Hey, Steve, you may not have noticed it yet, but I'd appreciate it if you fuck my brain out.'"

While (Y/N) was talking to Natasha, Steve had stopped talking and looked at the two of them, anything but a happy expression on his face. "Are the ladies done with whatever there was to talk about, and can return their attention to the meeting?"

"Yeah, we're done." Natasha was still grinning and winking at (Y/N) as she turned her attention back to Steve. The hard tone of his voice sent a shiver down her spine as she blushed, pressing her thighs against each other. "I'm sorry, Captain."

For a moment, (Y/N) thought she had seen that Steve was clenching his jaw as she addressed him with his title. But she had only imagined it ... right?

Steve looked at her for a moment before clearing his throat and continuing with his talk. (Y/N)'s eyes darted to Natasha for a second, she was still grinning. (Y/N) slumped back in the chair, a heavy breath leaving her. For the rest of the meeting, she tried not to let her mind wander to the nasty corners of her brain.

----------

Two weeks had passed since the meeting and the mission was over. The only thing (Y/N) wanted to do now was fall face first into her bed, forgetting everything that had happened the day before. The reason she wanted to forget was that Steve overheard a conversation between her and Natasha.

Of course, it was again one of those conversations in which Natasha tried to persuade her to take the first step before anyone else did. After Steve heard everything, he had tried to talk to (Y/N) about it, but she had stopped him before he could say anything and had been avoiding him ever since.

The entire flight back to the tower, (Y/N) could feel his eyes on her, but she never looked at him, and left her eyes on the book in front of her. Even before the jet landed properly, (Y/N) jumped out and sprinted towards her room, the confused glances of her teammates following her.

After a long, hot shower, she wrapped a fluffy towel around her body and dried her hair before stepping back into her bedroom. She almost dropped the towel when she saw Steve sitting on her bed, still dressed in his stealth suit. She grabbed her chest and tightened the towel around her. "Steve, what the hell, what are you doing here?"

The soldier got up and scratched his neck strangely as he blushed, his eyes wandering briefly over her body. "I um ... I just ..." He cleared his throat and forced his eyes to look her in the face. "I wanted to talk to you."

(Y/N) sighed heavily and took a few steps toward her dresser, starting to look for underwear in one of the drawers so she would not have to look at him. "Steve, just ... just forget what I said, it's strange enough that you heard it, do not make it even weirder by telling me how inappropriate it was ..."

The next time he spoke, his voice sounded much closer, the small hairs on the back of her neck straightening up. "Did you mean it?" He was only an arm's length away, his voice calm. "Steve, I ..."

"Did you mean what you said?" His voice sounded demanding as he interrupted her. He had come even closer, close enough for (Y/N) to feel the warmth of his body. As she moved in her place, the fabric of his suit brushed against her, sending a shiver down her spine.

She licked her dry lips and dropped her head as she nodded slightly. "Yes." It was little more than a whisper, but it was enough for Steve. He pressed the entire length of his body against her back, effectively trapping her between his body and the dresser as he gripped her hips, his mouth pressed against her ear. "You could just have told me, doll, I'm more than willing to give you what you want." He pressed his crotch against her ass and bit her neck lightly, leaving her gasping at the sudden action.

"You know ..." He pressed kisses over her neck and shoulder. "... I've noticed you watching me for a while ..." Sucking her throat, he made her moan softly as one of his hands stroked over her thigh toward her pussy. "... especially when I train or wear this suit, you like the stealth suit, don’t you?"

(Y/N) grabbed the edge of the dresser to stabilize herself as his fingertips swept over her slit with barely noticeable touch. "Yes, Steve."

"No, no, doll, what's my name?" He pulled his hand away from her pussy, making her complain about the loss of skin contact.

"I love your stealth suit, Captain." Steve chuckled darkly at the needy tone in her voice and put his hand back on her pussy, pressing one of his fingers between her folds to lightly touch her clit. "That's a good girl."

His finger lightly dived into her entrance, groaning deeply against her neck. "You're so wet, doll, who are you so wet for?" His finger circled her clit, her hips jerking against his hand to get more friction. "You, Captain, always for you."

Steve growled and turned her around, the towel falling to the floor between them, leaving her standing naked in front of him. Strong, rough hands stroked her hips before he lifted her and put her on the dresser. His eyes wandered over her body, sending shivers down her spine, because of the hungry and greedy look in them. His hands were on her knees, spreading her legs as he stepped between them. "I knew it would be worth the wait ..."

Suddenly he grabbed her jaw and pulled her face closer to him, their lips touching slightly as he began to speak. "Tell your captain what you want."

A whimper fell from her lips as he withdrew his head as she tried to kiss him. "I want you, please fuck me, Captain."

Greedy lips pressed against hers as Steve took a hold on her hair, angling her head so he could push his tongue into her mouth. Finally, (Y/N)'s dreams come true. She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him further between her legs to grind her pussy against him. The friction of the suit felt heavenly against her most sensitive part, causing her to moan into the kiss.

Steve bit her lower lip as he broke the kiss, tugging her bottom lip as he gripped her hips to stop her movements. "You really like this suit, huh?" He smirked when she nodded frantically and tried to rub against him again. "I'll tell you something ... If you're a good girl for your captain, then maybe I'll keep the suit on while I fuck you."

A needy sound fell from her lips, which made Steve's grin even wider. "Yeah? This sounds good, huh? You will be my good girl?"

"Yes, Captain. I will be your good girl." Steve's grin turned into a smile and he stroked softly over her cheek before he pressed his lips against hers again, this time it was a gentle kiss. He kept his face close to hers, whispering against her lips. "Get on your knees, babygirl."

Like the gentlemen he is, he took her hand in his and helped her off of the dresser, looking down at her as soon as her knees hit the carpet. He carded his hand through her hair, smiling down at her. "Good girl. Now, you're going to make your Captain feel good, yeah?"

(Y/N) nodded excitedly and shuffled closer to him, eyes fixed on his face. At first, Steve wondered why she didn't start until he realized she waited for permission. The realization of it made him even harder than he already was, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Go on, babygirl."

Without hesitating, she reached for the utility belt of his suit. She had problems opening it because her hands were shaking with excitement. Just as she was about to sigh in frustration, she could hear Steve chuckle. "Do you need help, babygirl?"

(Y/N) pouted at the amused tone of his voice, which made Steve's grin grow. Replacing her hands with his own, he opened his belt with only one practiced movement before throwing it on a nearby chair.

The rest of his pants (Y/N) managed to open alone despite her trembling hands, she pulled down his pants just enough to gain access to his boxer-clad cock. Immediately her eyes were drawn to the growing bulge and she bit her lip at the view, she had always suspected that Steve was well endowed, but seeing it now made even more wetness grow between her thighs.

Actually, (Y/N) would like to let him wait a little, tease him until he was just as desperate for her touch as she was for his, but she herself was far too impatient. For an eternity, she had been waiting for a moment like this, she just did not have it in herself to wait any longer.

Her hands stroked his thighs until her fingers pushed into the waistband of his underwear, slowly she pulled it down until his cock finally jumped free. The relieved sigh of Steve when his erection was released from his prison was drowned out by the needy whimper of (Y/N).

(Y/N) kept eye contact with Steve as she leaned closer and she could see his Adam's apple pacing up and down as she stuck her tongue out. Steve took a deep breath as the tip of her wet muscle stroked from his base to the sensitive head, circling it before slowly disappearing between her soft lips.

Both Steve and (Y/N) groaned as she sucked him deeper into her mouth, his hand reaching for her hair and holding it out of her face so he could see her face more closely. "Fuck, babygirl ... your mouth feels like heaven."

(Y/N) hummed contentedly and began slowly moving her head up and down, tongue pressing against the prominent vein on the underside of his cock.

A deep groan erupted from the soldier and his head tipped back as his tip reached the back of her throat. How long he had waited for this to happen he didn't know exactly. The only thing Steve did know was that it was well worth the wait and that if he didn't stop her now, this would be over way too soon.

He used his grip on her hair to gently pull her back up to her feet. Two big hands cupped her cheeks and pulled her into a heated kiss, tongues battling for dominance, but, of course, Steve won. He walked her backwards until her back hit the nearby wall, hands gripping her thighs before he hoisted her up and wrapped her legs around him.

"I need to be inside of you..." His voice was deeper than (Y/N) had ever heard it, it sent shivers down her spine and made a whimper fall from her lips as her eyes darted between his. His forehead was pressed against hers as he waited for her consent, which she quickly gave. "Please, fuck me, captain."

A deep groan followed by a bruising kiss was his answer to her plea. He pushed one of his hands between their bodies and took a hold on his leaking cock, positioning it at her entrance before pushing into her in one slow stroke.

(Y/N) had to break the kiss, her mouth opened for a moan but no sound came out as her head slumped back against the wall. The feeling of his cock stretching her walls was overwhelming and she even thought she would pass out once he bottomed out. "F-fuck..."

A deep groan rumbled in Steve's chest as her walls stretched to make room for him. It was a tight fit, tighter than he thought it would be. He let his head fall against her shoulder, face scrunched up in concentration. He wanted nothing more than to pound into her to make her scream his name at the top of her lungs, but he knew, he had to let her adjust, after all, he wanted it to be pleasurable for both of them. "Fuck, babygirl.... you're so f-fucking tight. Please tell me I can start to move."

A breathy laugh hit his ears, making him look up at her in wonder. (Y/N) had a grin on her face and whispered "language," before she tried to move against him.

Steve raised an eyebrow at her as a grin of his own spread over his face. "Oh, you're in for it now, babygirl. Better hold on tight."

The witty remark (Y/N) wanted to throw at him died on her tongue and made place for a surprised high-pitched moan as Steve thrusted into her once. "You wanted to say something?"

(Y/N) wanted to slap the shit-eating grin from his handsome face, but just as she opened her mouth to say something, he thrusted into her again. "F-fuck, Steve... s-stop teasing me."

"Since you asked so nicely..." His hands wandered from her thighs to her ass and gripped the flesh there tightly to keep her steady in his grasp. His eyes were fixed on where they connected, a groan rumbled in his chest when he pulled out of her and saw his dick covered in her juices. He thrusted hard and fast back into her before he repeated to slowly pull out.

(Y/N)'s mouth opened in silent moans when she felt how fucking deep he was. Her nails bore into the muscles of his strong shoulders as his thrusts gained speed. Steve chest rumbled with a deep groan when her silky walls clenched around him after a particular hard thrust. He averted his eyes from where they were connected and leaned forward to press rough kisses against the sensitive skin of her neck, all the while hammering with perfect precision into her g-spot.

"Shit, Steve... you feel so g-good inside of m... oh, fuck..." She was interrupted by a moan as her nipples dragged against the rough material of his stealth suit. Steve noticed this and wrapped one of his arms around her back to press her breasts harder against him, a smirk tugged at his lips when more broken moans and gasps fell from her lips.

Shortly after, Steve walked over to the other side of the room and dropped her in the middle of the bed. A sound close to a pathetic whine left her and she would probably be embarrassed about it later, but in that moment, she was too far gone to be ashamed. Steve stood in front of the bed and mustered her with an unreadable expression before he gripped her ankles and pulled her closer to the edge, causing a squeak to fall from (Y/N)'s lips.

"Spread your legs babygirl. I want to see your dripping pussy." His voice was hard as he watched her.

"Yes, Captain." A slight blush covered her cheeks when she did as she was told. Of course, this is what she always wanted, but it was kind of embarrassing to be exposed like this. She bit her lip when she heard the appreciating moan as his eyes fell between her legs.

"Look at you, baby. So obedient and so...," he kneeled on the bed between her legs and stroked a finger through her folds, gathering her wetness and smirking at the little gasp. "...so wet." He stuck his finger into his mouth and groaned at the taste of her, keeping eye contact with (Y/N) whose mouth was slightly opened as she watched him.

He let go of his finger with a 'pop' and smirked down at her. "You are delicious, darling. I will eat this little pussy of yours next time though." (Y/N)'s head dropped back with a moan at the thought, a tingling feeling spread in her stomach when she imagined the delicious burn of his beard between her legs.

Steve grinned smugly before his face went dead serious and made a gesture with his hand. "Turn around. Hands and knees. Don't move once you're in position."

As quickly as she possibly could, (Y/N) rolled over onto her stomach and lifted herself up like he wanted her to, licking her lip in anticipation as the mattress near her feet gave way under Steve's weight.

A deep chuckle behind her sent a shiver down her spine and she jumped slightly as a single finger stroked over her neck and shoulders, down the entire length of her spine and then detoured over her left ass cheek. "You're such a good girl, baby. So eager to please your captain. I'm so proud of you."

(Y/N) whimpered needyli and bucked her ass back against him, rubbing against his achingly hard cock, but before she could get a rhythm going, Steve gripped a handful of her hair and pulled her up, her back hit his chest as she squealed. He made a 'tsk' sound and feigned disappointment. "Not even two minutes ago I told you how proud I am of you and now this."

He tugged again, making her hiss at the sting and growled dangerously into her ear. "I thought you were my good girl?" Another whimper she would later deny ever making fell from her lips and even though Steve already voiced his displeasure about her lack of obedience, (Y/N) had a hard time not to rock back against his cock that was trapped between their bodies, leaking onto her skin.

"I-I am your good girl! Please, St-... captain! Please, I wanna be your good girl, I..."

"Shh..." Steve hushed her gently and instead of tugging at her strands now massaged the sting on her scalp away. "It's okay, babygirl." He pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "Just make sure you don't misbehave again."

"Y-yes captain."

"Good." He let her drop back onto the bed and tugged her hips upwards before he took a hold on his cock and nudged it against her opening. "Now be a good girl for me and don't move."

(Y/N) bit her lip and clenched the sheets in her fists as Steve circled the tip of his cock around her clit, his other hand had a firm grip on her hip. Steve took his time to tease her until she trembled violently before him and he fucking loved to see her like this.

He could see how hard it was for her to keep still, to be his good girl and he was so proud that she didn't budge. He leaned over her and gathered her hair to one side, exposing the right side of her neck and her shoulder. He pressed a single kiss against the spot right under her ear and whispered a "good girl" before he finally, finally, pushed back into her in one slow thrust.

Steve was rewarded with a hoarse moan of his name as he bottomed out. He pressed his forehead against her shoulder and scrunched his eyes shut. She was so fucking tight, he thought he would explode at any moment.

"Please move..." Her sweet whispered words pulled him out of his thoughts and, with one last kiss to her shoulder, he straightened back up again and slowly pulled out before pushing in again.

The pace he sat was steady, not too slow nor too fast, not too soft nor too hard. It was perfect. (Y/N) could feel herself getting closer to release with each drag against all the sensitive spots inside of her. She was dizzy with desire and need and had long ago dropped down to mattress, her arms just weren't strong enough to hold her up any longer.

Steve didn't seem to mind that she had moved, too occupied with how she felt wrapped around him. "You feel so good babygirl. So warm and wet... you were made for this, made for me, weren't you?"

"Yes..yes..." She couldn't form a proper sentence anymore, the only sounds falling from her lips beside the word 'yes' were moans of his name and breathless gasps when he perfectly hit the spot that made her see stars.

Steve groaned deeply when he felt her walls clenching and angled her slightly different so he would hit that spot over and over again. A high-pitched moan tore from her throat at the feeling, how it was possible to hit that deep was a mystery to her, but to be honest, she didn't really care as long as he kept going.

"F-fuck... I can feel you clenching my cock. You're close, aren't you?" Steve's voice sounded strained, as if he had to hold back or else he would cum right then and there.

"Yes!" She frantically nodded her head and pushed back against him, but to no use because as soon as she announced her coming release, Steve pulled out and quickly flipped her over onto her back. She whined in disappointment, but not for long. Steve spread her legs wide before he entered her again, leaning forward over her until the only thing she could see and feel was him.

"I want to see your face when you c...." This time, Steve was interrupted. (Y/N) had wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a heated kiss. Steve growled and immediately took control over the kiss while his hips continued to hammer into her.

The moment her nipples rubbed against his suit again, (Y/N) had to break the kiss for a loud moan. Steve grinned down at her and pressed himself harder against her. "You like this, huh? Like the way my suit rubs against your pretty tits?"

"Yes..please don't s-stop... I'm so close, please..."

At her plea, Steve pushed a hand between their bodies and begun to rub circles around her sensitive nub. (Y/N) jumped slightly at the sudden touch and tried to press herself harder against him which was impossible since she was completely blanketed with the strong super soldier above her.

Steve pressed his forehead against hers and stared deeply into her eyes while he panted "You gonna cum babygirl? Yeah? Wanna cum around my cock? I know you do. Be a good girl for me and cum. Now."

She didn't need any further encouragement and not even a second later exploded around him. Her legs and arms tightened around him the same way her walls did around his cock. A loud broken moan erupted from her throat and it didn't take long for Steve to follow her over the edge. He groaned into her neck as he pumped his seed into her and didn't stop grinding against her until he was sure both of them rode their orgasms out.

They lay like that for a few more minutes; wrapped tightly in each other’s arms until their breaths were more even again. (Y/N)'s hand stroked through his slightly sweaty hair as Steve pressed kisses to her neck, a content hum left his lips at the feeling of her nails scratching his scalp. "Remind me to thank Nat later.” Steve just chuckled and pressed a kiss to her lips.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader smut #steve x reader smut #steve rogers fanfiction #marvel x reader #marvel smut #avengers x reader #avengers smut #steve rogers #jelly writes

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uponrightful · 3 years

Note

Hi! I’ve just finished Welcome Company-it was so good, your writing is amazing! I have a question about one of the last scenes if that’s OK? Partly about Pups point of view, because a lot of what happened to her post Order 66 is clearly in her mind, but seems to read differently emotionally later if that makes sense? I’d also like to know why you decided to include the scene of Pup having to fight one last time. -RebelMedic99

“Wolffe! Please!” She sobbed through the pain and fear, whimpering when the kid pulled her own arm around her throat, locking in a chokehold she was unable to break from. He laughed dryly in her ear, yanking on her broken wrist to elicit another scream.

“He’s not coming back you little slut.” He fell into another fit of laughter, “And even if he did you’ll be so used he won’t even want to look at you.” His evil words cut right through her. She was already broken, and yet another piece was about to be taken, and smashed on the floor right in front of her. She felt the pain of his remarks, feeling just as useless as he’d appraised.

She wanted to fight anyways.

The pain in her wrist didn’t subside, but it wasn’t going to stop until she got his filthy hands off her. And without that blaster, she really didn’t have a chance at getting off the ship, or keeping the ship safe until Wolffe got back. She struggled to keep her breath even, fighting to pull her broken wrist out of his grasp so she could get free.

Think fast…

Get him off guard…

“You really want me?” She choked out, wincing from the abrasive words cutting at her tongue. If he was that young, there was a chance he’d fall for it and drop the -hopefully- act long enough for her to grab the upper hand.

“You’re a fucking slut! Already turning towards the closest man you can get in your pants!” He snarled, yanking her wrist again. The girl held back her cry, again repeating the question for him, praying it would make a bigger impact this time.

“I’ll behave. I promise.” She faked convincingly enough through her tears. The kid’s grip faltered just for a second before retaining its unflinching need to inflict pain again. Yet, by miracle, he released her wrist and stepped back with the blaster dropped down at his side. Miraculously, his anger suddenly disappeared, and a look of disbelief came over him.

“Pick me.” He ordered harshly, as she turned to face him.

Everything moved so quickly.

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*send one in here*

This one is challenging, but we'll see if I can explain it without sounding like a complete dumbass... 😅

***

We'll start with addressing her emotional shift towards Order 66 first, and that will help set up the reasoning why she had this "last stand" at the end. (This won't be from her POV, it'll make things a little simpler.)

Pup's true knowledge of what Order 66 is comes in small bits and pieces after she flees Coruscant. It's obvious right away that something changed, but it's not for a really long time that she finds out that there might be something "unwilling" about the whole situation. In this time frame -of a couple years- she's actually left to her own devices and thought-process to make sense of it all. And a couple of years can really take a toll on someone's perception of what is really going on.

There is talk of manipulation, and how 'robotic' the clones are. All of it culminating in a bunch of half-assed theories as to why they suddenly have this unbending will for the Empire when they fought for the Republic for so long. (The bar fight Wolffe was in, is where I tried to explore this a little bit with the Cerean.) But Pup only hears rumors, and those weak excuses aren't enough to dissuade her fear of seeing troopers again. Because ultimatley, there are hundreds of them who'd been to her home, and in her mind, it's possible that they could come after her and punish her for that. It's not a realistic fear, but if you combine it with her last experience with a clone, it's one that would easily create a serious emotional trigger.

I meant for it to be a tad bit confusing when reading her emotions. Pup wants to love the clones -and she still does- but seeing one of them in real life would be fucking terrifying. Their sweet memories are always there, and she does her best to only think of those. However it's easy to be reminded of why she can't still see them, when she's living on a backwater planet to try and reassure herself that she'll never have to risk seeing a clone again. Because all of the love that they'd given her -in her mind- is completely gone the second she's shot by one.

And her entire being is damaged assuming that Wolffe is no different than the rest of them. Pup knows all the clones are acting this way, and Wolffe is really no exception. So even though she loves him dearly it's really scary when she sees him for the first time after all these years. Is he safe? Is there something still wrong with him? Does he want to take her with him, back to the Empire? These are all questions she has, because she's never seen a clone after Order 66 without a functioning chip.

The reason her change of heart is so sudden, is because Pup didn't let go of the good memories she had of her troopers. That integral part of her character is to forgive and be patient -even if she's been damaged by something or someone. Yes, she keeps it bottled up. But that was because she couldn't get rid of her base traits. You can't wholly change your personality very easily, and Pup never really wanted to in the first place. She was just forced to create this harder persona so she could survive. Then after Wolffe comes back, and he's painstakingly careful in trying to prove that he's not under influence any longer, it makes that desire to care for him -like she's always had- come back much smoother.

(It's a continuity error that I never gave a proper scene dedication to it; But I did have a draft that included an Order 66 conversation with Rex and Pup during that scene in Chapter 14.)

I chose not to include it because I wanted someone to focus on Pup's traumas faced during the transition period of planet-hopping. It might sound cruel of me to not include his struggles, but they've been covered so many times in other fics, that I gave the assumption my "Initial Implementation" scene and "Chip Removal Scene" would be emotionally sympathetic and exploratory enough of how Wolffe felt during and after, without needing to express it to you directly. Not to mention, after Pup and Wolffe are reunited, she's not stupid enough to not infer that it was against his will. She quite frequently notes throughout that his guilty looks and hesitancy to make physical contact with her are very noticeable and telling of how he feels about his time with the Empire.

All of this said, now her fight scene:

Right before they leave the cabin, she's feeling a little loss of home. But really, Pup never had too much of an attachment to her house on Takodana in the first place. What's really getting her emotional at this point is the realization that she finally has Wolffe back. It's security she's wanted this whole time, and although the boys aren't letting her help with the bounty, she's willing to do whatever they want because she understands that they've got the experience here. Plus, she's really not physically able to do a whole lot after her slight hypothermia exposure.

I wanted her weak for this: Emotionally, physically, mentally. It had to be that way for a reason.

Until this point, Pup hasn't ever shown a real motivation to fight for anything, other than making the trip to the outpost to save her friend. BUT. That's risking herself to save someone else. Pup has never done anything for her own benefit, without it being equally helpful for someone else. Even when she got Wolf, it wasn't just for herself. Iahcen was getting something out of it as well.

I know it's cliche, but her last moments alone on that ship waiting was where her character development needed to reach and end. Because I made the overarching plot of fighting for love, but I needed that same lesson to be learned in-story, as well to round it out. It had to be Pup, because she's been running this whole time. Wolffe can't learn it, because he's been fighting the entire time.

The kid is a symbol of kindness not being returned. This is key, because Pup has always been nice -even when she didn't need to be. And he attacks her for that. He comes in as the tool to show her that being kind doesn't always work; And sometimes you have to stand against something, instead of running or letting someone run over her. I also made certain to have the kid attack Wolffe's character. This was essential, because Pup has nothing else she wants to fight for. Wolffe has always been her one essential thing, and he was what made her realize that being a little selfish and desiring something isn't a bad thing. This kid is a product of her sympathetic nature, and he's willingly insulting and threatening her chance at having the one thing Pup has always wanted.

Pup needed fight or flight, and the only time her 'fight mode' kicks in, is when she realizes there's something she wants. On Coruscant, she had nothing, so she ran. Pup wanted to live for Wolffe, in the hopes that he might still be alive, and that was the first time her fight response kicked in. Then her friend was in danger of dying, that was the second time she chose to fight.

Her love and security in Wolffe was being threatened, and that was Pup's final character development, and why she needed this fight scene without Wolffe -or anyone else's assistance- in the matter.

***

I hope this wasn't garbage 😅 and I explained it decently... If not, please let me know. I'll do anything I can to answer your questions!

Much Love, Rightful 🤍

#commentary track #welcome company #commander wolffe #Pup #uponrightful #uponrightfulwrites

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dreams-got-dimmer · 4 years

Text

NEW GIRL (BolinxReader)

PART 1

Summary: multiple part fic?? + AU kind of (The reader is 18, Bolin is 18 and mako is 20) Reader desperately needs a place to live and finds an advertisement for two brothers who need a roommate. Maybe more than just living arrangements may come out of this deal... (reader x Bolin) (slow burn)

Warnings: abandonment??

Word count: 1600~

—————

Time was running out and I still didn’t have a place to stay. I can still hear my fathers voice telling me that no bender belongs in their family. I never asked to be born a bender, but it was a part of me. Something I couldn’t deny and my parents didn’t want to accept that. I had tried to keep my practicing a secret but my little sister let it slip that I was working on fire bending. I thought I would resent her for the slip up, but nothing in me could hate her for it, she meant no harm. Even still that slip up cost me my relationship with my family. There was no hesitation in throwing me out. We fought and screamed and eventually I lost my temper and my emotions boiled over. As tears spilled down my face I burned down our whole dining room area. That right there is what solidified me never being able to return to my family.

“You monster! Look at what you did! Get your things and leave, you’re not our daughter anymore,” my mother spat at me in disgust. I ran as fast as I could to gather my things and slipped out in the dead of night.

Since then I haven’t seen or heard from my family and it hurt so bad. Even if they didn’t accept who I was I just wanted to be loved and cherished by them and I would never get that. It was hard to go a day without a lump forming in my throat and my eyes welling up, but I had to be strong and determined for myself. Three weeks at the shelter had already been wasted and they only allotted a month for you to get back on your feet.

Most days were spent trying to find some sort of income, most jobs were just quick money, but I was closer and closer to finding steady income soon. If I wasn’t looking for a job I was trying to find a place to stay. Most, of not all were out of my price range. I ended up back at the shelter day after day discouraged and frustrated by my lack of luck. The staff at the shelter were getting increasingly annoyed by my outbursts of anger and flame and I’m sure they were happy that I was almost out of there. Granted I felt bad about being destructive but they always gave me a tight smile and assured me that things will get better.

And today was the day things got better. I almost squealed out of happiness seeing the paper plastered on a bulletin board at the pro-bending arena. I thought I wasn’t reading it right, but after a few moments I knew it was true.

The poster read,

“2 BROTHER IN NEED OF A ROOMMATE

•Three bedroom loft just above the pro-bending arena

•Great view of Air temple Island

•100 Yuans a month

If interested just knock on our door

- Mako and Bolin”

That’s all I needed. I ripped off the poster and made my way to the loft. I didn’t care who they were, just the fact that 100 yuans was totally doable. I had about 500 yuans saved up from the little jobs I had done here and there and the little bit I had saved from birthdays. I nearly sprinted my way to the loft and left myself breathless in front of the door. I was too excited to even feel nervous as I started knocking. Practically banging until the door swung up.

“Is it that necessary to bang?” Before me stood a very attractive. Like very attractive man. Tall and even a bit lanky. He towered over me. And while he seemed serious he didn’t seem too intimidating. Maybe it he was and I just couldn’t realize it because I was so determined at this opportunity.

“Yes. Definitely,” I rushed out quickly as I pushed past him. I took a look around and while it was simple, it was perfect. Roomy and open and a great view through big windows. The light flooring made the place seem so much bigger too. “Are you going to tell me who you are since you just barged in like you own the place?” I turned back towards the tall man and saw him narrow his eyes and his hands twitch. His eyes were like fire.

“Oh yeah sorry, I’m y/n and I’m most definitely going to own this place,” I nodded my head assuringly, more for myself then for him, “well not own, but at least pay rent,” I waved the poster a bit.

“Okay okay before you introduce yourself let me guess which brother you are,” I surveyed him and then looked at the poster with the names. Bolin didn’t really seem to fit so I went with the latter. “I’m gonna guess your Mako. I feel that it fits with your whole persona you got going on,” I smiled, but he just stood there wordlessly, “Oh wow I’m so sorry I know I must sound crazy and very upfront right now. I’ve just been desperately trying to find a place to stay. My parents kicked me out and I have no where else to go. I’ve been stuck at the shelter and my time is almost up and I saw this poster and I thought this was my lucky break. Now I’m just rambling...” I trailed off and was surprised at how honest I was.

“Mako! Who are you talking to down there?” My head whipped towards where the sound came from and saw a form jump down the stairs and landed loudly on our level. And once he straightened out I was faced with ANOTHER gorgeous man. What the hell have I gotten myself in to!? My breathing stopped as I got a good look at him. He was stocky and you could tell he had thick arms and legs without him even taking his clothes off. His broad build and wide stance lead me to believe he was an earth bender and his emerald green eyes were something to get lost in. I shook my head waving these thoughts away. These are potential roommates, not people to drool over.

“I’m y/n I’m trying to find a place to stay and I luckily found your poster. I hope no one has taken you guys up on the offer,” I smiled sheepishly. I fiddled with the poster looking down, “I promise I’ll be a great roommate, I can cook and clean and I’ll stay out of your way-“ I was trying to plead my case and ultimately got cut off

“You’re perfect!” Emerald eyes broke out into the cutest grin there could be “let’s get you moved in right away! Are you a bender? I’m an earth bender,” he flexed his arms subtly, “My brother and I are pro-benders and that’s how we get to live up here in the loft. Oh by the way I’m Bolin. We’ve had people try to be our roommate, but they’ve all been a bit... how do you say serial killer-esque,” he grimaced at the last sentence. He was so much more talkative and charismatic than Mako who I guess was the older brother. Had to be serious to contain this ball of energy.

“BOLIN! you can’t just let her move in we need to discuss this together. We barely know her!” Mako clenched his jaw.

“Well, what do you want to know?” I asked quietly looking back and forth between the two.

They both started firing questions at me. Bolin a bit more enthusiastically than Mako. His questions were also a bit more light hearted. Favorite color, food, what my hobbies were and easy things like that. Mako on the other hand was digging real deep asking questions that I wasn’t even sure I wanted to answer, but I knew they had to be said.

“What did you do to get kicked out?” Mako looked at me with an accusatory glare.

“I didn’t do anything!” My eyes welled up, “I got kicked out for being who I am! I’m a fire bender and no one else in my family has there bending ability. They are so against it. My whole life was a battle. I wished so bad they would love and cherish me even, but all they wanted to do was suppress who I am,” I started crying without shame and I knew the boys didn’t know what to do, “My sister let it slip that is have been practicing bending. I’ve gotten away with it for 10 years and it just now became known,” Bolin handed me a tissue with the utmost concern in his eyes. Even Mako looked a little sad, “Well, my family disowned me immediately and in the midst of our fight I lost control and burn our dining room to bits and that made them hate me even more. So, here I am a month later trying really desperately for two brothers to let me become their roommate,” I smiled weakly my face sticky with drying tears.

“Alright you can stay but I need the first two months rent right now. Please don’t make us regret this. I feel for you and your hardships, but if you do anything to fuck over what we have I won’t hesitate to throw you out,” Mako looked at me sternly and Bolin was almost jumping with excitement.

“REALLY!??” I practically screeched. I rummaged through my bag and threw the money at Mako all while pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. I moved to Bolin and did the same thing.

“You guys won’t regret this I promise!”

#lok #legend of korra #atla #avatar the last airbender #bolin #bolin x reader #bolin au #slow burn #thicc boi bolin

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deathonyourtongue · 3 years

Text

Calling on the Rain

Summary: What’s a first date without an interlude from Mother Nature? Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC (part of the Yvonne/Ray/Arlo series which I’ve yet to name. 🤦🏽‍♀️) Word Count: 2.1K Warnings: All the fluff! A/N: This was a request from the lovely @livinglifeformemyselfandi ! Enjoy!!

Completing a PhD in clinical psychiatry at Cornell tended to leave one without time for any sort of social life. Lately however, Yvonne had found herself trying to carve out little bits of it here and there. All because of a guy.

Being 26 with an MCAT score in the 500’s, Yvonne had breezed through her undergraduate program, but with her time at med school coming to a close, the pressure was on. She could start applying for her residency positions next year, and while she was beyond excited, the major shift didn’t come without a healthy dose of fear. She needed some time to simply…be, and since she wasn’t a fan of being alone, finally accepting a date from the guy in her neuro class seemed like the best idea.

Arlo was from London, and though he’d explained it more than once, Yvonne still couldn’t fathom why he’d chosen to do his med program in the States. It didn’t matter however; the moment he’d opened his mouth, she was a goner.

The plans for the day were simple. A walk around town, taking in the sites, lunch at a little cafe that had an unbelievable dessert selection, and finally, a late show of a movie they’d both wanted to see.

Putting on a pair of Navy shorts, a cream tank top, and a matching pair of strappy sandals, she checked her hair and makeup one last time before heading out to meet Arlo in the common room. To say she was nervous was an understatement, but Yvonne knew that if she chickened out or cancelled on him again, she’d lose her shot with him and that was the last thing she wanted.

Arlo’s glance up at her put an ear-to-ear smile on Yvonne’s face, flustering her to the point where she had to keep her hand on the railing despite usually being okay without it.

“You look lovely,” he said as he extended his arm to her, Yvonne taking a moment to take him in before linking her arm through his. She was glad she wasn’t over or underdressed, and couldn’t help but smile a little brighter when she realized they matched.

“And you look very handsome,” Yvonne replied, her nerves easing a bit as they got moving.

“How’re you doing on your project?”

“Nope. Don’t wanna talk about it. Any topic other than school,” Yvonne grinned before playfully letting her head fall to his shoulder as though she were going to faint. Arlo laughed warmly, squeezing her hand as he thought about other topics. Never once did he ask her to move her head, and never once did Yvonne entertain the notion. After a few moments, his arm came around her, tucking her in close.

“Any topic other than school. Fair. What’s a movie that you can watch over and over again?”

“The second Mighty Ducks movie,” Yvonne answered sheepishly, pushing her face into Arlo’s chest as her cheeks caught fire.

“Didn’t take you for the sports type. I’ll keep that in mind come winter,” Arlo grinned, giving her a playful wink. It was his words that caught Yvonne’s heart in her chest however, the easy way he promised that they’d still be a thing at least until next winter. It intrigued her and Yvonne couldn’t help the excitement she felt at the prospect of actually having someone to be with.

“What about you?”

“Mine? I’m gonna have to go with...The Professional. Still holds up.”

Arlo held the door for Yvonne as they veered into one of the first shops along their walk, a place that sold a variety of different knick-knacks, from old skeleton keys to little frog statues, and even street signs. Though the aisles were narrow, they manage to stay side by side, Yvonne relaxing more and more into the warmth of his chest as they browsed.

“What’s one dish you’d never stop eating if there was an endless amount of it in front of you?” He asked as they checked out postcards, the majority related to their chosen alma mater.

“Ooh, good question! Fettuccine. Always. So yummy,” Yvonne answered, hoping her stomach wouldn’t growl at the thought of her favorite meal, especially since she’d skipped breakfast on account of nerves.

“Yeah, Fettuccine’s great. Personally, I’d be really sad if the world didn’t have pizza,” Arlo chuckled, letting her lead the way to the back of the store, where they had all sorts of games and toys, a few that harkened back to childhood.

Yvonne couldn’t help but reach for the magic 8 ball as soon as she saw it, her grin turning excited as she shook it.

“Will we enjoy the movie?” She asked, one eyebrow raised as she gazed up at Arlo, giggling when his expression mirrored hers. When the liquid settled, the window read a clear answer.

Outlook good.

“I hope so. Everyone can’t stop talking about it,” Arlo laughed, shaking his head before taking the 8 ball from Yvonne and giving it a shake of his own.

“Will my devastatingly smart and beautiful date find me up to snuff before the night is out?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice soft in the quiet store. Yvonne couldn’t help but cover her mouth to muffle her laughter when he showed her the answer.

My sources say no.

Arlo pouted, giving her his best puppy dog eyes, hunched shoulders and all.

“That’s not true!” Yvonne shook her head, giggling as she reached up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, unable to help the little flutter in her heart when his already ruddy cheeks went a shade pinker. The blush was made even better by his smile, the genuine happiness bringing out a more youthful side to him.

Taking the eight ball back, Yvonne shook it vigorously while she thought of a question to ask. She wanted it to be something outlandish, a prediction that couldn’t be true in a million years. Something that would cement this as the best date she’d ever been on, were it to come true.

“Will it rain on our date? Maybe right at the very end so I don’t have to walk around with frizzy hair all day?” Once more her eyebrow went up, part of her hoping it happened, and part hoping it didn’t, if only because she’d just gotten her hair done two days before and she’d opted for a silk press. As gorgeous as it was, it wasn’t rainproof in the slightest, and Yvonne didn’t want it to get ruined.

Better not tell you now.

Shrugging, she smiled sweetly at Arlo before wiggling her eyebrows, eyes wide. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

“That was…”

“Delicious,” Arlo agreed, taking Yvonne’s hand as they made their way out of the restaurant, having a little time--and a small walk--to the theater.

They’d both chosen the Fettucine--hers with chicken and his with steak--and a glass of wine, and though the cafe was somewhat empty given the time of day, it might as well have been last call, because Yvonne felt like there was no one else in there with her except Arlo and she couldn’t have been happier.

He’d paid without even asking, so as they approached a candy store, Yvonne all but pushed him inside, giggling like a mischievous kid as she did so. “My treat. Can’t go to the movies without a few essentials.”

Shaking his head in amusement, Arlo let her lead him through the aisles, picking out things here and there, wondering how much of it would be used as study fuel later on when they headed back to the reality that was med school.

“So we’ve got Reese’s Pieces, gummy bears, fuzzy peaches, Milk Duds, and of course, Junior Mints.” Yvonne explained her haul as they left the store, carefully putting each candy in her purse and shuffling things around so that nothing bulged inconspicuously.

“I’ll never understand why theaters get upset when people bring their own candy. It’s not as though we haven’t already paid for the tickets,” Arlo mused, gently shifting Yvonne out of the way of a cyclist who was careening down the sidewalk. Startled to be moved so suddenly, Yvonne was about to say something to Arlo when the gust of wind caused by the passing cyclist nearly took her off her feet.

“Thank you,” she whispered, one eye half shut as she tried to blink the dust out of it. Yvonne’s breath caught in her throat when she felt Arlo’s warm hands cup her face. “Open as much as you can, and I’ll try and blow it out,” he explained, keeping her face steady and waiting until he saw her brown eyes fully opened before letting a quick burst of air escape his lips.

“Better?” Arlo asked, ducking his head to meet Yvonne’s gaze.

“Yes, much better, actually. Thank you. Again,” she smirked, leaning up to give him another kiss on the cheek, this time unable to help but smooth her hand over Arlo’s blushing cheek.

Yvonne would later chalk it up to misleading marketing and the exhaustion of med school, but after sitting through the first half of the movie--and half a bag of gummy bears which she shared with Arlo--she found her eyes growing heavy. Before she realized it, she was out like a light. Far from being put off, Arlo carefully lifted the armrest that separated them and tugged her in close, letting her head rest on his chest as his arm cradled her gently. As the credits rolled, he rubbed her back gently to wake her.

“Oh my god, that’s so embarrassing!” Yvonne groaned as she straightened herself out, realizing what she’d done. Arlo couldn’t help his big grin, finding her utterly endearing in her half-awake state.

“You didn’t miss much, believe me. I’ve half a mind to petition the movie studio for my money back, it was so boring.”

“Okay, so it wasn’t just me. Good. That makes me feel a little better,” she shook her head, remembering what little she’d seen of the movie and how she kept waiting for the action to begin.

“Ah, well, two out of three isn’t bad. Overall I think we did alright, no? As far as first dates go?” The anxiety and hope in his facial expression made Yvonne smile, knowing full well he was wishing on every last star in the sky that she would feel the same.

“I think we did more than alright. I think there’s second and third date potential there, mister.”

This time, Arlo blushed hard enough that he had to look away, though there was no missing the big, bright grin and the excitement in his eyes. Yvonne held him a little closer as they walked through the theater’s lobby, her own smile unwavering until she took a look outside.

“Oh my!” Arlo exclaimed, his expression a mix between true shock and more than a little amusement.

“Guess the 8 ball was right,” Yvonne answered, cringing momentarily before dissolving into giggles. “I just had to ask about rain, huh?”

“That just means you’re magic, love. True magic,” Arlo’s laughter sobered as he spoke, his blue eyes softening as he gazed down at Yvonne, looking for all the world like a man head-over-heels in love.

Pausing to think for a moment, Yvonne weighed their options; a taxi back to student housing (which would cost a fortune) or ruining her hair (which would also cost a pretty penny) on the first date with the first guy she’d truly been interested in since her childhood crush on her brother’s friend. Taking a deep breath, she took Arlo’s hand and tugged him through the door, knowing they were both about to get soaked to the bone.

“Love, what are you doing!?” Arlo called over the pouring rain, squinting against the drops and trying his best to pull Yvonne back into the building.

“Come on! I’ve always wanted to dance under the rain!” Yvonne answered, beaming at Arlo despite the drops that battered down on them.

Though he couldn’t hear it at first, when Arlo finally reached Yvonne, the soft sounds of music coming from a nearby restaurant were clear. Pulling her flush to his chest, Arlo took her hand in his and slipped the other around her waist.

Time ground to a halt as they slow danced, forgetting the rain, the cars going by, or even the people watching from inside the stores. There was only the rain, the stars, and the other person.

Their eyes met as the rain began to slow from a downpour to a sprinkle, and without a moment’s hesitation, Yvonne reached up on her tip toes and pressed a sweet, gentle kiss to Arlo’s lips, capping off the best date she’d ever had, ever.

Two things were certain to Yvonne as she and Arlo slowly parted from their kiss; she’d have to make more time to simply be, with Arlo, and she’d have to go back for that Magic 8 Ball soon.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #deathonyourtongueoriginals

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3pirouette · 3 years

Text

The Honey Trap (5/?)

Title: The Honey Trap

By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette

Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

A/N- Keep an eye ont he time stamps- it brings us back to chapter one somewhere around the middle- then we’re moving on from there with less jumping around :)

Chapter Summary: The holes in their story kept her up some nights. He acknowledged them, and often. She felt like he was trying to appease her, but every now and again it tickled something in her gut that made her queasy.

Chapter 5: How It’s Supposed to Go

~*~ November, 1944

There were bugs in the kitchen and sightlines out of the living area to a Hydra surveillance flat across the street, but Peggy thanked their lucky stars no one surveilled the shared loo or Richard’s bedroom.

She’d done things she wasn’t proud of before for her work, but repeatedly sleeping with a man she neither was married to or loved in any way was crossing a line she wasn’t prepared to step over.

Not when she still believed Steve was waiting for her and loving her.

She didn’t mind the kissing, was only occasionally bothered by the wandering hands on the couch, and she’d gotten very good at pushing him away and playing coy, at protesting that the shades were wide open and someone could see, before leaving early for the night or slipping into his bedroom.

Richard was also getting very, very good at sleeping on the floor.

“They’re less suspicious, you know, now that you’ve started staying over,” he observed, fluffing his pillow and dropping it at his feet. He smiled at her.

Peggy shook her head, unbuckling her shoes but not taking another thing off before slipping under the blanket on the bed. “Pigs, if you ask me. A woman’s desire to know a man biblically before they’re married has nothing to do with how much she loves him or how devoted she is to him.”

“I never said they were smart. Or understood anything.” He pulled his tie off and started loosening the buttons if his shirt. “If they were smart, they wouldn’t believe us at all.” He pulled it off and set it to the side, sliding out of his belt as well, but staying in his undershirt and trousers. “Our cover is good, but it isn’t foolproof.”

“Hardly,” she snorted, knowing that the holes in their story kept her up some nights. He acknowledged them, and often. She felt like he was trying to appease her, but every now and again it tickled something in her gut that made her queasy. Peggy leaned over and stripped the top quilt, handing it to him. “I’m starting to wonder why they haven’t questioned it more.”

Richard Wallace, Peggy had found, could be a hard man to read. The one thing she enjoyed about their little charade was that in his bedroom, more than any other place she’d ever been with him, he let his guard down. He frowned at her, and she could see the dark circles under his eyes and the frustration in his shoulders. “They’re desperate.” He shook his head and kneeled, setting up his little bed across from her. “I’ve never seen these men so scared and at the same time so daunting. The things they want to accomplish, and the lengths they’ll go to get them…” He sighed, sitting down heavily. “These men are so much scarier than Hitler, Carter. The things I’ve heard… We can’t let them win. Whatever it takes.”

Peggy knew, without a doubt, that he meant it. Even in the dark, the fear in his eyes was real.

~*~ The Same Night, 500 miles away at the French border

Bucky elbowed Steve, getting his attention and passing the canteen over. “I’m not missing the corn ring,” he joked, looking out into the night, his voice soft, “though I could do with a little turkey and gravy.”

Steve smiled a bit, a happy sound on his lips as he finished a gulp of the whisky. “Your ma’s gravy…” He hummed happily and slipped the canteen back to Bucky. It was a quiet night, and they were in friendly territory, which made it almost safe to spend their watch reminiscing about today being Thanksgiving.

“Yeah, and then a slice of your mom’s apple pie.” Bucky smacked his lips loudly, taking another swig of the whisky before he sealed the canteen and slipped it back into his pack. He looked out into the darkness, shaking his head. “I miss that apple pie.”

“Me too,” Steve whispered softly, the happy memories mingling with the loss of his mother that would never leave him fully.

Bucky sensed his melancholy and elbowed him. “She ever teach you how to make it?” Bucky smiled at his friend. “When we get home, you can make a million bucks with it. Everyone would eat it up, literally. Imagine it: Captain America’s All American Apple Pie.”

Steve laughed lightly, shrugging. “She worked off a recipe from my grandmother. It’s all stained and half smudged, but it’s at home, in the trunk I left at your Ma’s, I think.”

“We’ll take it on tour, like the USO.” Steve smiled as Bucky started spinning the tale, his excitement something easy to lose himself in. “We’ll have stands at every state fair from Brooklyn to San Francisco.”

“As long as I don’t have to dance.”

Bucky huffed out a laugh. “Dance? Nah. We give you an apron and a spoon and you’ll have all kinds of girls just eating outta your hands.”

Bucky saw the way his lips turned down even though he tried to avoid letting anything show. Bucky let out a long, slow breath and leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “When are you going to tell me?” he asked softly.

Steve barely even moved his lips he was so stoic. “Nothing to tell, you know that.”

“What I know,” he started carefully, “is that all of a sudden, you two started acting stupid, then Phillips missed a detail the size of a blimp, and then instead of getting rid of you, who he’s considered a thorn in his side since the day you showed up at Lehigh, he shipped off his right hand woman and best spy to the typing pool.”

“Senator Brandt—”

“Senator Brandt my ass,” Bucky didn’t let him finish, and his frustration made his words harsh and clipped. “There are plenty of other bases they could have sent you to, hell- the Pacific theater’s been begging to get the 107th for months.” The way Steve wouldn’t look at him told Bucky all he needed to know. He softened, “So it’s bullshit?”

“It’s not—" Steve huffed, shaking his head and letting it fall into his hands.

“You can’t tell me.” It wasn’t a question, and he tried to keep it from being an accusation.

“No, I can’t.”

“We have the same clearance—”

“Not for this we don’t.” Steve almost barked. “No one has clearance for this.” The fight left his words and his frame. “It’s not even... there’s no paper trail even. Strictly need to know, full deniability.” Steve looked his friend in the eyes sadly, “As far as anyone knows, yourself included, we fucked up. Badly. And she paid the price. And that’s all there is to know.” Steve let his head fall again, watching as he drew patterns in the dirt with the toe of his boot.

Bucky filled long moments of quiet with pulling the whisky out again and slowly unscrewing the cap. He wasn’t sure what he could ask and what he couldn’t, but he knew he couldn’t leave it where it was. He took a long, slow breath and a quick swing of the burning liquid. He passed it over and rubbed his hands together, waiting until Steve had swallowed before speaking again. “Were you… did you…?”

His voice was almost too quiet to hear. “Once we heard what was at stake? We agreed to it, yeah.”

“And is it… is it over between the two of you? For real?”

Bucky looked at him, but Steve didn’t lift his gaze from the ground. “I hope not.”

Bucky rubbed his palms together slowly, not knowing what to say or do. His friend had held it in for so long, and he knew if he pushed too hard, Steve would let it all out and then hate himself even more in the morning. “Well, we better get looking for that apple pie recipe, huh? If you’re gonna have to win her back, better put your best foot forward.”

Steve almost, almost laughed.

~*~ December, 1944

Her heart was pounding in her chest. It had been months since she’d seen him, and she was supposed to somehow keep her cool.

Wallace had arranged it. He’d be arranging all of it from now on, which she didn’t particularly like. Peggy played with her wine glass, only half listening to the woman across from her. The microdot plastered to the back of her tooth tickled her tongue, and she had to sip the wine in such a way that it didn’t dislodge the precarious gluing job she’d done.

Her stomach was sick with worry and anticipation. If her companion for the evening didn’t buy the little skit they were about to put on, if she noticed that Peggy enjoyed kissing Steve a little too much or if she looked him his eyes a little too long, the whole thing could go up in flames.

The whole operation moving forward, and all they’d sacrificed up until now to get here, hinged on Ava, the girlfriend of a Hydra General, believing that she loathed Captain America enough that she’d betray him.

She didn’t even have to look to know when he walked in, she could feel the hairs on her arms rise. She took a deep breath, and turned her head.

~*~ January 2, 1945

The middle of the day was a risk she didn’t like. The harbor was a risk she didn’t like. Out in the open was a risk she didn’t like. Pretending to “run into him” was a plan she didn’t like.

Peggy wasn’t supposed to be a spy, she was supposed to be a scorned, confused woman willing to sell out the Allied powers for true love. No matter how long she lived with this cover, she didn’t think it would get any easier.

She wasn’t supposed to know Wallace was out there with one of the Hydra agents, watching her every move and listening to every word. Those above him had come up with the plan, had fed Wallace the idea who’d sent it to Phillips in a coded newspaper ad before he’d even run it by her. He’d made a convincing argument that trying to come up with a better plan would out them, and they needed to be one step ahead.

Somehow, she still felt like she was one step behind. She hated not being in control of the operation, not having final say on what she did or how she did it. The lack of input was starting to sew a seed of distrust in her. She wanted to believe Wallace, wanted to trust him, but he was cutting her out and partners didn’t do that when so much was on the line.

She was finding that little hint of queasiness deep in her gut was starting to happen more and more often. It was setting her on edge, and jeopardizing the mission.

She was going to find a way to change that.

She turned into the wind, letting it push her hair behind her instead of in her face. It wasn’t long before she could hear the footfalls behind her. He stopped only a few feet away, far enough that she couldn’t quite feel the heat from his body. She turned, shaking her head to keep the tendrils of hair out of her face. “How did you find me?”

He looked out over the harbor then back to her, shoving his hands in his pockets. “It’s not like you’re hiding.”

She could see how he fought to keep the smile off his face, she had to bite her tongue to keep from giving up any emotion at the sight of him. “I’ve said all—”

“And I haven’t, Peggy.” He stepped closer, moving to trap her in against the rail quickly. Her heart fluttered as she realized that he’d turned her just enough to keep their faces out of Hydra’s sight line. He pressed his forehead against hers, and she couldn’t stop herself from clutching at him, wrapping her arms around him under his coat. “I miss you so, so much, Peg.”

He pulled back just enough to see her lips, and she couldn’t keep the sadness out of her eyes when she mouthed me too to him just before she spoke. “And I haven’t spent a moment thinking about you at all, Steve.”

She saw him take a deep breath before pulling away. “That’s a lie.”

“I’ve moved on,” she touted, pushing away from him and back into view of the surveillance team. She let clutching at her jacket in the wind cover the sleight of hand where she pulled the coded message from his belt and slipped it into her own pocket.

“Please,” he begged, his own desperation easily seeping through the words. “Hear me out. Just… just talk. Dinner, maybe?”

She pretended to think it over, spent long seconds pushing the hair out of her face when she wanted to jump at the chance to be with him for more than a few seconds. “I’m seeing someone new.”

She couldn’t tell if the hurt was real or feigned, but the way his shoulders sagged made her heart ache just the same. The wind whipped up around them and he stepped forward, taming her hair behind her ear and taking her face in his hands. His kiss was soft, and so much more than their last rushed one was where they were fighting for the little dot of film between their tongues. This was soft, and filled with emotions. It was the “I love yous” they couldn’t say, the lonely nights and the frustrating days, the gentle ache that was always there while they were forced to be apart.

It was over far too soon.

He stepped back, just out of reach. He looked like he was coiled up tight, holding himself back from kissing her again. “The pub at the crossroads, you know it?”

Peggy nodded, unable to trust her voice.

“I’ll be there tonight at seven.” He swallowed hard, eyes pleading. This wasn’t part of the plan. The plan was a few chance encounters. A tidbit of dropped information here and there. Her constant refusals and her continued allegiance to Richard and Hydra. Not whatever was starting to come to life behind Steve’s eyes.

She was terrified and thrilled at the same time. It might risk it all, but it could finally give her a chance to take control of the little game they were playing. “Steve…” she croaked out, unsure of what she could say, how she could convey the emotions and the tactical necessity of what they were about to do.

He stepped forward swiftly, kissing her again. It was quick and passionate and everything she needed to be reminded to trust him, just like she always had. He left his forehead pressed against hers. “I won’t go another day without you, I won’t.”

His hand reached for hers, and when she laced her fingers with his, she felt another note, one that she hadn’t been expecting. She palmed it quickly and pulled back, crossing her arms and slipping the note into the inner pocket of her jacket. “You’re assuming a lot.”

“The pub. Seven.” He looked her up and down, then started backing away, slowly. “I’ll wait for you.”

She watched him until there was nothing left but a speck on the horizon, and kept her eyes peeled for him even when that speck turned past a building and couldn’t be seen anymore. Richard came up behind her, right on cue, just as Steve was nothing but a memory.

It had been the plan that she was “supposed” to be meeting Richard. That Steve was “supposed” to find her and beg her to come back, which would fuel her need to betray him even more. She turned and looked at Richard, who was smiling at her and babbling away about where they should go for lunch, “unaware” of what had just happened.

She was sick and tired of what she was “supposed” to do.

She followed him down the walk along the harbor and to a small stand that sold fish and chips. They weren’t as flavorful as she wanted them to be, and the vinegar tasted old and too sharp on her tongue, but few things seemed to be what she wanted them to be lately. Richard rambled on in the background as they paced the small waterfront in full view and in good hearing range of the Hydra agent.

She’d play her part, for now. “I saw Steve,” she blurted, stopping and waiting for him to turn to her, picking at the chips in the newspaper in her hand. “He’s still… he’s still hopeful.”

Richard tried to hide his smile. “And you’re…”

She sighed. She was supposed to say something like angry. Or upset. Or vengeful. She was supposed to make it so easy, too easy, for Hydra to want to use her for information. But she wasn’t an idiot, and neither were the spies Hydra employed. Sometime between the meat locker and now, something had changed, and no one was telling Peggy what that was or what it meant for the op. She was done leaving her fate in the hands of other men.

“I’m uninterested,” she replied quickly, “but I am going to meet him tonight. Hear him out.”

Richard blanched before her. “Maggie, do you really…”

“I want to hear what the man who ruined my life has to say for himself,” she huffed out, starting to walk again towards his flat. “Let’s get inside, it’s far too cold out here.”

~*~

Once inside the flat she let him kiss her, like she always did, and let him move her to the bedroom where he held his hand out for the little slip of paper she’d procured from Steve once the door was closed.

They both read it quickly. The encryption was simple, and she was convinced more than ever it was for show. She didn’t need a piece of paper to tell her that the 107th would be heading back to the front in three days, it was in half the communications she encrypted on a daily basis this week. She knew more about troop movements just from being a part of the typing pool than he was getting from this. “This is fantastic,” Richard smiled at her, pocketing the paper. “You don’t need to go see him now, we have what we need.”

Peggy smiled, but shook her head. “I think I need to go. Make a good show of it, you know?”

“You don’t—”

“I do.” She was calm but firm, and stepped back from him. “A woman doesn’t just walk away from a man like Captain America, especially if he’s coming to find me.” She tried to let the smile she faked be a balm. “It will be more suspicious if I don’t go, trust me.”

She saw the flicker of concern in his eyes before he nodded, giving in with what appeared to be good humor. “Very well. You’re not the best for nothing.”

Peggy turned, picking up her coat on the way out of his flat. Damn right, she was the best, and that was what made it so easy to see through the game he was playing.

It was only a few blocks to her own flat, which she knew was bugged and under watch, as well. She hummed and dawdled, picking out a dress and pretending, for all intents and purposes, that she was fairly unbothered by her meeting tonight.

Maggie would be unbothered, but Peggy was downright anxious. She couldn’t pinpoint where the nervousness ended and the anticipation began, but the pub he’d picked was an Allied strong hold. Even if a Hydra agent made his way in there, the men in there would cover their backs. If not for Peggy, then absolutely for Steve.

She palmed the second note Steve gave her, even though she was fairly certain they couldn’t see into her apartment with the windows closed, and slipped into the bathroom. She turned the shower on full blast and hummed loudly as she unfolded the scrap.

It was a receipt for one lighter. Peggy looked it over, tried to apply every decryption she thought Steve would know, and a few she knew he wouldn’t, to the scant few words and numbers, but came out with gibberish. She was about to give up when she had an idea.

Peggy pulled over the candle she kept of the vanity after finding out the hard way the loo was the last place she wanted to be without matches or a candle when a blackout hit or the air raid sirens went off. She lit it and blew out the match, a smile forming on her face. Very slowly she let the paper sit over the flame, the heat permeating it and the words slowly becoming visible.

“My clever, clever darling,” she whispered to herself, pulling it away when she was sure the full message was visible.

It was a string of numbers that only the Commandos used to create short messages to one another. The combination was simple, but effective, once she translated it in her head.

Danger. Cover blown.

Peggy passed the paper over the flame one more time to make sure she hadn’t missed anything as her heart pounded in her chest, then lit the corner on fire and dropped it in the sink, watching it burn until the paper was nothing but ash. She turned on the tap and let the remnants flow down the drain, mind moving quickly.

She was meeting Steve in a few hours. Until then, she had to make it seem like business as usual. Tonight, he was either pulling her out, or they were going to make a play for something bigger.

She wasn’t sure which option she wanted, but she knew now she had an even better partner, one she trusted completely, and the queasiness she’d been feeling was gone.

#Steggy Fic #steggy bingo bash #3P's Fic #The Honey Trap

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rosyk · 3 years

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Changed

pairing: yang jeongin (as John) x reader (as Sera)

genre: light academia(at least that’s what it’s supposed to be), light angst, girl in love, romance, fluff, royalty

warnings: mentions of blood and self harm

word count: 5.0k

inspiration: White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: Yes this is the same inspiration from the past post I had but the story is more directed from the song than the other one. It came out different than I thought it would be(quite disappointing), but I hope you’ll like this one as well! Just some little angsty angst.

White flowers. It was once a symbol of our relationship. I loved how they look so peaceful and pure, exactly like how you described me. They were either standing on my porch, sitting inside the mail in front of my tiny house, or lying under the mat. I loved finding my favorite ones whenever it’s our anniversary or on my birthday and let them inside the drawers for safe keeps. You never failed to place thrill in this us. When did I deserve such a guy?

[3RD PERSON]

“My lady, a letter has been sent” Mr. George called up to the lass as she immediately rushed down the long, grand marble stairs in a fluttering flowy dress.

“I’m coming!” she responded and was skipping throughout the whole dash to the point that the lady didn’t even notice her parents with her fellow friends sitting near the courtyard, having some tea.

“Oh dear,” the father massaged his forehead and cried out. In response, the men in the room laughed in the view in front of them. Who’d knew that the respectable man from the authorities would be anguished over a simple matter? Frowns were apparent after the father in despair continued his exclaim. “Just wait until your daughter would find a new kid better than his daddy.” Now, it was time for the ladies to laugh.

“Stop being dramatic, love. Things will always get to this. They’d soon start to be like us and even have new kids!” The wife interrupted, teasing his husband a bit more.

“Let me guess, the mother-daughter bond was closer together?” The damsel who sat directly in front of them started a conversation the man least wanted to hear. It was a rare sight to see so they took the opportunity.

“Be careful, Dieur. Your wife was against men in the past. She must’ve talked bad about you.” The father’s closest friend decided to speak up and join the amusement. Despite the father having a bad mood, the atmosphere lightened up. They continued to chat while staring at the young lady in love from afar.

“Mr. George, is it from him?” The lady in the dress who wasn’t able to sleep well because of excitement asked the butler. As if he knew who she meant all along, he passed on the letter with a sealed stamp.

“It’s better to see it for yourself, my lady. Though there are no other more possibilities to receive a letter from anyone different” the butler smiled as he replied. It was pleasing for him to see Sera finally receiving love from the people outside, and not just the ones in the household.

“Oh thank you so much! You’re the best!” Sera hugged the old butler that was flustered and surprised by her sudden actions. He melted in the embrace of the younger one because he acted like her father who was always there for her when Dieur is busy with court duties.

Sera rushed up back to her room and ignored her mother’s muffled words as she was already far away. Tiny heels were clicking and that served as a reminder to the maids that she had already arrived. Plopping herself in bed, the girl squealed with delight.

Barging in the lady’s room, the housekeepers couldn’t hold themselves back. “So, what did he write this time?” Their eyes shone stars and a few tiny jumps were done. Each one of them bickered and shared their opinions on what he’d say for the grand day.

The girl holding the love letter shushed the rowdy crowd and stood up to do her usual routine. The audience knew what she was doing and sighed in frustration. Of course, it was an important letter for Sera. She had to make sure she read it in a room she’s comfortable in to make the writings unforgettable and imprinted in her mind. Firstly, she pulled the big and red curtains, leaving them untied, to cover up the whole scene and feel the calmness of the room. The ones waiting, hurriedly fixed her letters inside the drawer in order but the lady shot them a glare. They whined in response, but all Sera could do was chuckle. After arranging the love letters collected, she positioned herself on the chair beside the bed and turned on the lampshade. As if she was telling a story, the maids began to encircle her at the moment she started to read it aloud.

“How enchanting! It feels so dreamy!” Vanessa, one of the viewers, clasped her hands together and danced with an imaginary partner, earning herself giggles from everyone in the chamber.

This act reminded another servant and made sure to ask her regarding the grand ball. The maids once again clapped in enthusiasm. If anything, they’re the ones who anticipated the male more than Sera herself. Lily, the youngest maid who was 14, opened up first and visualized how the male would arrive.

Their talk reached hours and honestly, Sera was excited with the discussion although she seemed to turn down the ideas a moment ago.

[NIGHT]

The lady wanted to sleep so she could wake up early as soon but the thoughts were forcing her not to. She reminisced their memories before finally deciding to follow the call of her bed.

They haven’t seen each other for years but it remained vivid in her. She remembered how he’d confess out of the blue, sneaked in her room without her parents knowing so she’d be able to sleep well, calls every night, and made sure she was confident with herself. That’s how ideal this guy is.

[NARRATION]

Sera knew it was morning either because she was woken up by the noises from the crowd gathering or she hasn’t slept well again because of excitement. Fortunately, the guy in front of her didn’t know she was really tired, or else he’d be worried and force her to leave the ball and sleep. Of course, the girl never wanted that to happen because she wanted to spend more time with the perfect figure she’s been dancing with.

“Sera, did you have a good night's sleep?” The girl’s little prince asked. Sera hesitated and gulped as she looked into the man’s face who seemed to be amused with what he’s seeing. Okay, maybe he did know things after all.

“Not to worry, I know you had awaited this ball years ago. I won’t let you leave” The man chuckled in delight and it surely made her flutter. What made it more interesting was the fact that he didn’t know she’d cry over this ball just to see him in her sight. Oh, how the lass loved to be in his embrace once again.

The boy placed his huge arms behind the girl’s back and pulled her closer to him. Resting her head in between his neck and shoulder, as they danced to the lovely melodies of the piano playing “ A dream is a wish your heart makes”.

“John, I kept all your love letters in my drawer” Sera boasted proudly and wore a tiny smirk that made John smile. It took seconds before he could reciprocate what Sera just said. As soon as he got the grasp of it, both of his eyebrows rose.

“But I’ve written those way before I courted you!” He whisper shouted in shock which caused him to grip her hands tighter but not to the point that it hurt. The girl too was influenced by his sudden emotions and looked at him blank, blinking quite a few times.

“Is it bad?” Sera’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. Negative thoughts came up to her; what if he wouldn’t like me or did I do something wrong? She bit her lip and sulked a bit, forming a little pout in her seemingly heart-shaped lips.

“I’ve probably sent 500 of them by now” John’s expression was clear. He was confused, thinking how ridiculous the idea might have been. He sent letters for her to read but not to the point of storing everything when he had done that years ago.

“It’s actually 678” The girl looked down without knowing why. He couldn’t stare at his eyes, wondering whether it’s because of the embarrassment that made her wished to be swallowed up by the ground any moment now or maybe because of her guilt as if she had done something wrong because that’s what John made her feel.

The man decided to shrug the idea off because he realized how the girl felt. This wasn’t their expected first encounter after she had been waiting for months and he thought it was probably just him dramatically overreacting towards a simple matter. He wanted to cheer her up so he gave an unforeseen remark.

“You just love me, don’t you?” Sera managed to look back at him just to see a teasing smile. She giggled softly and pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes as if she was thinking. John groaned playfully with the fake hesitation the lady was showing.

“Do I?” Both of her eyebrows rose in shock and questioned. The lass took her hand off his to brush his shoulder, tidying the non-existent dust in a sassy manner. John broke out a tiny smile before choosing to join in her play.

“Oh I know you do, love” He stated and retrieved her hand in the right place it was destined to be. They began waltzing in a slow tempo as he kissed her hand in between, which left the lass in true shock because of his sudden movements. A grin was evident in the man and so she began to laugh quietly, shaking her head on both sides as a matter of disbelief.

“But I don’t think so” Sera kept teasing as John continued to respond so cheekily. She tiptoed a bit to reach his height as she went closer to her face. Of course, John wouldn’t give up in this encouraging situation.

“You do”

“I do?”

Their faces went closer until Sera tried to cover up her blushing face with her hands. The man wouldn’t let her hand go and so as she tried to stand properly on the ground and lowered herself from tiptoeing, he placed his hand at her back and pulled her closer. The girl flinched quite a bit in his touch, which the guy never failed to not notice. He wore a smug look and rose one of his eyebrows, tilting his head to look straight at her eyes. The lady’s face started to heat further than ever. Thus, she struggled away from the embrace but the more she tried, the little the gap is in between their faces. It was all fun and games until their nose brushes against each other and they could hear breathings.

“I could hear your heartbeat from here” John’s whisper sent chills to the lady all over her body. Because he doesn’t want anyone to hear for the moment, he lowered the volume of his voice causing him to lower the tone unintentionally as well. The best description would be a seductive whisper girls would swoon over. That was how lucky Sera was, she thought.

John looked at her lips and tilted his head, in which she could assume he was going for it. She gulped and just as she was about to close her eyes, loud claps and squeals echoed around the room. Right, they were in the ball and they’ve almost forgotten, she reminded herself. John kissed her forehead that made her cheeks blush, now looking very obvious. Despite that, she still wished her first kiss would be taken away by him.

[NIGHT AFTER THE BALL]

Sera couldn’t get over the ball yet. While she was eating, reading, and in every step she took, she’d always hum the song played in the dance. It was like a magnificent dream to dance with her prince charming. Her father would start to get annoyed as the maids get jokingly jealous of how lovely she looked being so happy. Though it was already 3 in the morning and the lady was waiting for the call. He never missed a night without calling her until she looked up the letter given. The handwriting wasn’t really clear but it was obvious he wrote it quickly. It says he couldn’t be able to talk on the phone tonight as he had lots of things to do. It wasn’t deep and she knew she should’ve been glad he took time writing the letter just to stop her from worrying. But despite the optimism, she forces herself into, she broke down in tears. Cuddling her pillows as she wept is something that isn’t unusual. It’s been months since he was gone and it’s also been months when she started crying herself to sleep. Even a single evening without him would crash her heart and tear herself apart. It’s also been a long time since she thought if he had lost interest in her. A single missed call is enough to harm the lady so pure.

With nails digging, she just watched the blood flow through her glass skin. It was painful but much better than the call she wasn’t able to receive. Isn’t she enough? Insecurities passed by her mind and all she could do was wail silently that only she could hear, with voice cracking out.

[TIMESKIP- AFTERNOON]

“So I’ve thought about your wedding....and” Before continuing to speak, Sera’s mother took a sip from her cup in the same favorite courtyard she’d always be.

“We could plan the wedding, sooner but not now” Sera casually talked as her parents both stared at her in surprise. Her father choked on his tea and continued coughing, while Sera patted his back and asked if something was wrong in what she just said.

“My, my.... is that really you?” Her mother explained in an accent and scoffed. She wondered when her daughter started to act so maturely as if she didn’t just whine and force them to marry the guy she really loved about a year ago. Was this the effect of the man leaving her for months?

“The drama is real”, Sera thought.

“You’ve grown more mature” The father mentioned like it was the biggest miracle he had seen. He was in delight but turned the usual grumpy old man, the moment her wife started to speak.

“It’s the boy’s effect” The wife tapped his husband’s shoulder to hit his ego, though the context seemed to be like a warning. Sera noticed how off it was for her to mention John so to be rest assured, she asked her mother.

“Boy’s effect? You mean John?” She chuckled and pressed her lips together, waving her hands to dismiss the idea and hoped it isn’t as obvious as it seems. The father on the other hand still doesn’t get the hang of it; john and everything that relates to that bloody guy.

“Yes!” The mother joyously raised her tone and turned herself to have her body directly at Sera. This lets her know that her mother is trying to explain something complicated or unseen. “You have changed greatly, don’t you think?” She continued.

The daughter was left confused and had her eyebrows furrowed. “Changed?” She tilted her head in question and took some time to let the information seep into her mind. Though, she remained clueless.

“In the past, you used to talk about your everyday lives to the point that I grew tired from hearing your stories. But your father? He loved them and wanted to hear more of it. But now that you’ve grown, everything we hear from you is about John” Sera’s mother laughed in a low volume. The conversation ticked the father off so he decided to interrupt and share his thoughts.

“John here, john there. You wouldn’t even bother choosing your wedding because you decided to go with what he wants, even though you’re the bride here. You wore clothes that would impress him every day and can’t stand a night wherein he wouldn’t be able to call. Goodness gracious, where did this john come from?” Dieur ranted and lifted his hands in the air for disapproval. Pity the father, as the ladies could only laugh at his speech. He looked at the two in bewilderment and just after he thought of scolding them, his wife spoke.

“We can’t blame love like roses” The mother stood up and was ready to leave due to an appointment. Once again, Sera was perplexed. She felt like everything her mother says went out of the blue. Is it just her guts or feeling? Or maybe it’s indeed the reality she failed to notice? To calm herself down from the sudden panic that came out of nowhere with no further reason, she asked about it. The father answered the question whilst thinking his wife couldn’t hear the daughter’s request.

“Typical roses where love and passion are as deep as its color and signifies that both partners are ready for commitment. It’s commonly used on marriages, just like the one you’re planning” the father scrunched his nose a bit to show how annoyed and cringe he must’ve heard that statement. Dieur can’t stand the topic and so he left first. Her mother didn’t know he was gone but at the same time, she also hoped her words reached her daughter. Thus, before talking to someone and preparing to step into the little and open carriage, she continued. Her daughter heard it quite muffled and unclear, but her wish and intentions came true.

“Not that one, darling”

[TIMESKIP]

It’s been days since Sera heard her mother’s quote but still doesn’t understand the meaning behind it. It would be pointless to keep asking as her mother makes excuses and changes the topic. All she’d heard from her was “trust me, you will regret hearing this”, and with a smile contrasting the words she spoke, she left the house for a business trip with her father.

“My lady, didn’t you want to visit the garden?” Another butler she hadn’t seen before, which she assumed was new, stepped in after knocking. “The carriage is ready” He bowed and was ready to leave until she called her out.

“Is John already here?” The servant was taken aback by the question but was luckily able to respond.

“Not yet, my lady” He replied and observed her lady’s expressions. Thinking it is about the garden, he was left surprised.

“We’ll wait for him” Sera replied with a tiny smile and shifted her position to get ready. He had it coming but not a single thought came up to him that she’ll risk such an opportunity. It was her dream to get into the secret garden her mother had when she was young. She had waited to step into the magical place for years because it amazed her how the flowers planted are changing every 4 years, but now he’s considered John again.

“Milady, what if he couldn’t come as usual?” He asked once again, tone slightly higher than he intended. All the lady could do was stare at him in frustration as if asking if he would dare repeat the question. He didn’t expect the lady to have a frightening aura, so he apologized for digging in further into personal matters.

The lady exhaled and fidgeted her fingers due to the slight guilt and awkward tension she had created. “That man is just..” trying to find the right word for it, she snapped her fingers. As soon as she got ahold of the perfect one, she continued with a change of mood. “Everything I cannot do without” she smiled and ask for him to leave, which he immediately and willingly did.

The butler walked slowly within the halls and was snapped out of his thoughts after hearing a maiden’s voice and a tap on her shoulders, asking him what’s wrong. He said he was fine but was still confused after the words he had heard; because the man being everything the girl can’t do without, seemed like she was lost in love.

[AFTERNOON]

Sera was figuring out everything she had done wrong as she walked back and forth in her locked room. It also had been weeks since the man said he’ll be hers forever. If you’re thinking that was romantic, that isn’t how it is to her. Somehow, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Thoughts were rambling inside her head and she felt close to breaking down. “He wouldn’t call it off with me right?” the vulnerable lass fell to her knees and covered her face as she tried to fight back the tears. What would she do if he was planning to leave her? She took a rest while tears were still flowing non-stop.

Hours later, she was woken up by knocks on the door and her tears had dried up. Just to make sure, she placed on little makeup where it was light enough to be noticed. Of course, she’d cry without seeing him for the past months so she should know what to do in order to not get caught.

“Come in” she acted as if she was fixing the books on the shelf but was stunned by the figure standing in front of her. She thought he wouldn’t be able to come, but now here he is.

“John!” She went up to him and hugged him immediately. The man in response hesitatingly stroked her hair. The lass noticed the change and asked him what was wrong.

“Are you fine?” The lass widened her eyes in concern and bit her lips. She was scared and thought about what would happen if her nightmare would turn into reality because there is indeed a possibility. “But that can’t be right?” She thought again, trying to change her mindset for a thousandth time today.

John sat down on her bed and sighed, patting the space beside him. Sera walked slowly and tried to hold his hand but he was quick to pull away. And that’s when she knew, it’s finally happening.

“Don’t you think it’s not working out?”

The lady hiccuped and tried to compose herself. Her hands were shaking and no matter how clear the statement John said, she tried searching for other thoughts that make her rest assured just like the usual. Unfortunately, nothing did make her calm down. “What..what do you mean?” She chuckled as a sign to tell the man it isn’t what she thinks it is; though nothing could change something that already did change, as what the man had thought.

“You turned different, Sera” John looked down and felt guilty but all Sera could do was stare in disbelief. She knows herself so why do people think she had changed? For her, it’s a useless excuse everyone had been using. It’s messing with her mind and made her frustrated with how people acted as they knew her in the very beginning.

“Is this a way of defending yourself?” She spoke in annoyance, which caused John to slouch a bit, feeling apologetic but also tired. He had it coming but never did say he was ready for this talk.

“You don’t understand-“ John had his head up to meet Sera in the eyes and explained himself but was immediately cut off which made him get frustrated as well.

“What don’t I understand-“

“Everything!” The tone John showed was a lot harsher than he thought, but he stood unknowingly due to the patience running out. He pulled his hair and his voice started to crack. It was the first time he showed such a painful sight to Sera, which made the lady sob as well. “I loved you. I loved the girl who made me smile but it felt like the girl just remained in the past. You appreciated me but now, you demanded more. Everything you’re doing makes me feel insecure, Sera. Was I never enough?” The man gripped the sheets and felt the pain hit straight into him. He tried to lessen his cries but the feeling was just too much for him to fix. The partner in front of him placed her hand on his face and managed to wipe her tears, despite the continuous flowing of it. It made her tear up because that was the exact thought she had in mind, turned out it backfired against him.

“No... please, you’re perfect. You loved me perfectly.” Sera managed to talk in between the sobs and stutter. John took off her hand from his face and sighed in a shaking manner. He bit his lips to quiet down his cry to the point that it bled a little.

“Then why do you feel like I didn’t love you like any other? Why do you feel like I’m not giving you the attention you need? Why do you feel like I’m tired of you? Why can’t you make decisions without me as if I feel like I’m trapping your freedom? I just noticed it was different after you scolded me because I wasn’t able to call you the night before. You relied on me wholeheartedly but acted as if I never did gave you almost everything I could” John sighed and walked up to the door. Sera was pleading, begging hopelessly for him not to leave her behind, but he took another step outside the door. She regretted it deep and straight from the heart because unknowingly, it made John feel the pain. She made her insecure after all the overthinking she did in the past nights. It felt as if she didn’t trust John at all.

After a few hours of bawling her eyes out, she ran unto the garden expecting white flowers. She barged in the place, knowing it was probably the time they’ve finished growing the flowers she’d wanted to see with him all this time, yet failed to. But looking around the vast field, it was all red roses. “Maybe it isn’t fate,” she thought and reached out to one of the roses. She was lost in the sight of the magnificent flower that felt different among the others, it was tempting not to touch this one. While wiping away her tears, she felt the thorn under instead and hissed in pain. Looking at the blood, she finally understood her mother’s hidden words.

“At first, before stepping inside, the flower looked the same among all the other roses but I enjoyed the view. I noticed a single flower and loved how deep red it was. Except, it was too enticing that I decided to get in contact with it. I felt the thorn and pain but brushed it off since it was a small one. That’s the context my mother was trying to say all along” she thought and finally figured it out but it wasn’t a celebration to call on, indeed she faced regret.

Their love isn’t as pure as a white flower, but as dangerous as red roses. It was captivating that once she’d entered, there is no escape. John started as someone she passed by through. A typical stranger, nothing new and nothing special. But knowing him better, made her smile. She thought at first it was all happiness and cherishing the moments they’ve created with John, but giving all her mind and focus on him, made her feel the pain that she decided to forget because she thought it would pass by at some time. She placed all the hurt aside because she was too distracted with John.

Sera was crazy in love; except it wasn’t sweet anymore. She changed because of the warmth she felt from the guy but can she blame him? No. And the fact that this matter can’t be solved anymore is what wound her the most. No matter how much she tries again to mend herself and start over with John, it wouldn’t be like those silly fairytales. Because if it’s him, she knew her world would stop again for him to continue.

If only someone had told her what she knew now; losing herself in someone isn’t heaven, it’s hell. But if her mother told her what she noticed, it would be enough for Sera to cut off ties with her parents. That’s how head over heels she was. John was at first her happy pill, which became her dose of medication. It felt like a disease that only he could treat from time to time. It couldn’t even be considered as a cure, because she needed him every day in her life. Her mindset of receiving love from him took an effect as if it were drugs. It pulled her closer and closer that it affected her psychologically, messing with her mind. She was pure but everyone knows she wasn’t naive. But the thought of the lady being too much never went across Sera’s mind; it’s like sinking and sinking in reality though she felt like it was a dream. It was this care given that kept her having the perspective that madness to others, is love to herself. It wasn’t because he was the first one to make her feel the butterflies, she forced her thoughts thinking he was distinct from all the guys that had hurt her. Either it was this drive of finding someone who’d treat her good, or just wanted more of what John could give. “I need you like a heart needs a beat“ didn’t feel pleasing after all. It’s all because she perceived their relationship as building her life on his attention, on being an object of his affection. But all John wanted to have was Sera, the one who’d motivate him to get up from his bed. It hurts the most because even Sera misses herself. But “you can be who you wanted to be“ wasn’t true all this time because as simple as going back to her usual self, isn’t a piece of cake when John is around. It’s not that they weren’t meant to be, it all just went wrong because she loved him unhealthily to the point that she had forgotten why he had loved her in the first place. Her love reached beyond the limits; pulling her closer to insanity.

Now crazy in love don’t feel sweet, cause I’m with you but I miss me

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sunlightdances · 4 years

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Public Relations (Bucky x Reader Oneshot)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader Prompt: “I’m a woman with a brain and reasonable ability” Author’s Note: Written for @captain-kelli’s 500 Fam Writing Challenge! Congrats, Kelli, and thank you for hosting! Takes place post-Endgame, but with some adjustments to canon (Tony and Nat are alive, Steve stayed). This has a lot more dialogue than I initially planned! Hope it’s not too choppy. My love of commas is also evident in this piece. *shrug emoji* Disclaimer: I don’t own Bucky, Marvel, or any other related characters or events. The other details of the plot are mine, including the characterization of the “reader”. Please don’t post my work on any other sites without my permission! If you liked what you read, please consider reblogging to help my work be seen. I would love you forever!

Let’s clear one thing up straight away: Bucky Barnes is not an asshole. He has a chip on his shoulder, sure, and it’s also true that he can be grumpy from time to time.

But can you blame him, really?

His life after age 26 has been one giant shit show that he’s just starting to get back on track, so he thinks the world at large could forgive him if he’s not super nice to the reporter hanging around outside the coffee shop or if his resting face sometimes looks like he wants to punch someone.

Still - he’s working on it. Trying to appear a little softer around the edges, trying to remember how to be the person he once was, not because he thinks it’s healthy to try to go back to that time, but because that’s the last time he actually remembers liking himself.

But, again, he’s not an asshole. Or, he tries really hard not to be. A fact he has to keep reminding his friends of (and he uses that word loosely, sometimes), especially when you’re around.

Everything just comes out of his mouth wrong when you’re there.

Probably because you’re around all the time, and you’re smart, and funny, and pretty, and-- nope. He’s not going there. Because reminding himself all the reasons why he likes you just makes him feel more guilty about the way he acts around you. He’s just too chickenshit to admit that he likes you, and ends up being a dick.

As soon as he walks into the Tower, you’re there.

After Thanos, the Avengers returned to New York City. There’s not much left of the Compound upstate to live in right now until the rebuild is done, and he’d been thinking about Brooklyn anyway. Manhattan is different, but he feels better in the city. He thinks the rest of the team likes it here too - it reminds them of the old days, or whatever.

“Sergeant Barnes,” you greet him coolly, matching his stride as he heads towards the elevator. “There’s a meeting in fifteen minutes in the main conference room.”

Bucky makes a noise of acknowledgement, stepping into the elevator and hitting the button for the tenth floor. “Do I have a choice to attend?”

“No you do not.”

“Great.”

He thinks you’re trying not to smile. He grinds his teeth.

“Good afternoon, Sergeant Barnes,” FRIDAY’s voice comes through the overhead speaker. “Captain Rogers requests that you, and I quote, don’t even think about it.”

You snort, and Bucky rolls his eyes. “Punk,” he whispers. “Thanks, FRIDAY. Tell Captain Rogers I said, and I quote, to shove it--”

“Thanks, FRIDAY,” you interrupt, “Thank you so much.”

The few remaining minutes in the elevator are in silence, and you push your way out of the elevator before he can even take a step when it stops. Bucky follows you reluctantly to the conference room where some of the rest of the team is waiting.

Nat looks barely awake (she has trouble sleeping after literally coming back from the dead when Steve returned the stones, what a shocker), Sam is spinning in his chair, and Steve is patiently listening to Peter prattle on about some project he’s working on for biology.

“We’re just waiting on Tony, Bruce, and Scott,” you say, heading towards the head of the table. “Wanda is on a mission with Clint, and Thor is off world. No word from Carol in a few days, either.”

Steve waves you off. “Don’t worry about it. We can fill them in later.”

Bucky’s brow furrows. “Wait, this is your meeting?” He asks you. “What was the point of the AI-assisted lecture from you--” he pointedly glares at Steve.

“Because I knew you’d try to get out of it, so I asked for some help.” You smile sweetly at him.

The rest of the team files in over the next few minutes, and Bucky watches as you shuffle through a few papers before turning on the overhead projector. He has to admit, while he absolutely despises public relations, he has a lot of respect for what you do.

He knows it’s not easy wrangling Tony’s ambitions plus whatever manic situations the team get themselves in on a daily basis. Trying to do press for the Avengers is probably akin to wrangling cats, he supposes.

“So,” you clap your hands together, “the event at Children’s Hospital is in two weeks. Can we please, please avoid any earth-threatening situations that might take precedence over this? We missed it the last few years, obviously, so we need to get out there and make some kids happy.”

A murmured agreement goes throughout the room, and Bucky tips back in his chair, counting down the minutes until he can go literally anywhere else. It’s not you, really. It’s the idea of public appearances. He hates them. People still think of him based on who he was, not who he is now. Despite the fact that Steve and the rest of the team have publicly vouched for him and are working on clearing his name, he sees how people look at him.

You’re tied to that feeling, even though he knows that isn’t fair. He has a hard time separating you from your job.

“The next thing -- and I don’t want to hear about it --” You look around, eyes landing on him meaningfully, “-- there’s a magazine feature for the anniversary of the Battle of New York.”

“Well, that’s me off the hook,” Bucky says flippantly, grinning smugly at Sam, who high fives him.

“No, it absolutely doesn’t,” you argue.

“I wasn’t there, in case you forgot.”

You glare. “Thank you for the reminder.”

“Guys--” Steve tries to interrupt.

“You have to participate, because this article is about the team and how it’s grown since the inception of the Avengers.” You say, almost sounding bored. Probably because you and Bucky have this argument at least once a week.

“Bucky, it’s an hour.” Steve says gently, trying to barter.

“Whatever.” Bucky grumbles, “You know what they’re going to ask,” he says, suddenly angry. “Where was the elusive Winter Soldier during the Battle of New York? Do I remember it happening, or was I in the middle of being frozen or wiped for the thousandth time?”

You shift your weight, looking down at the floor. He feels guilty for a half second. “I won’t let them ask.”

His heart thuds weirdly in his chest at how earnest you sound, but he just can’t help himself, apparently. “Because you’re so sure they’re going to listen to you.”

Hurt flashes across your face so quickly he thinks he’s imagined it, but he knows he hasn’t. Again - he’s not usually an asshole. He still hates himself for it, though.

“Alright, we’re done here.” You say quietly, gathering your paperwork. “I’ll email you all the details.”

Sam elbows him, and across the table, Steve is giving Bucky a look that he’s come to associate with a lecture.

He sighs and rolls his eyes before getting up and heading out of the room, his friends at his heels.

“Wow, a five minute meeting,” Sam is saying, sarcastically. “Gotta be a new record, don’t you think, Rogers?”

Bucky’s new plan is to ignore Sam at all costs. It’s not a plan he thinks is going to work out in his favor, but it’s what he’s sticking with.

“You can’t ignore me forever.”

“Are you a mind reader?” Bucky asks, hitting the button in the elevator for the residential floors.

“It’s two events, Buck.” Steve sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You can handle it.”

“Yeah? Why don’t I let you field the questions I normally get, and we’ll see how you like it.”

“I’m not doubting you. I just don’t understand why you always have to take it out on her.” Steve’s voice is so disappointed, Bucky almost wants to laugh. When his best friend turned into such a mother hen, he’ll never know.

“Don’t be late!” Sam calls as Bucky gets off on his floor, leaving the other men in the elevator.

Flipping him off over his shoulder, he hears Sam’s chuckle and Steve’s sigh before the doors close, and finally he’s alone with his thoughts.

Turns out the interview happens before the hospital visit.

Bucky is in an uncomfortable chair, a reporter across from him, and you behind the reporter, fidgeting slightly. He feels almost relieved that you seem to be as nervous as he is.

“Mr. Barnes,” the reporter begins, a smile Bucky already hates on his face.

“It’s Sergeant.” You say quietly from behind him, and Bucky meets your eyes briefly, seeing the resolve there.

“Of course.” The reporter says smoothly, offering another smile to Bucky. “Sergeant Barnes, you weren’t in New York for the Chitauri invasion, were you.”

“No.”

If the reporter thought he’d elaborate, he doesn’t let on. Bucky saw these questions coming a mile away, and isn’t going to give anyone the satisfaction of saying something he’ll regret. Well, he won’t regret it. But it’ll be a pain in the ass for everyone if he can’t keep his cool.

“This was the first official Avengers event. Do you remember hearing about it?”

Bucky wants to laugh. “Do I remember-- no. I don’t think I was awake for much of 2012.” You fidget again, shifting your weight, and Bucky sighs, grinding his teeth. “I’ve been fully briefed on the invasion and know that what the Avengers did that day saved the world.”

The reporter looks at him for a long moment before shifting the papers on his lap around a bit. “The Avengers have changed a lot in all those years since that first mission. Can you tell me a bit more about your role with the team?”

Bucky relaxes a bit. This is the part he prepped for, the part he could recite in his sleep if he had to. Whatever instinct he had back in the day that allowed him to lead a unit and report to his CO is still there, especially for questions like this. “I work mainly with Captain Rogers and Sam Wilson to coordinate missions and do strategic planning. Recon and research are my main areas of focus, but I go on missions too if needed as backup, or if it’s an all hands on deck situation.”

“So you’re not handling any weapons?”

Bucky blinks. Over the reporter’s shoulder, you frown.

“All Avengers team members undergo weapons training.”

“During the War, you were a sniper with the 107th, correct?”

“Yes.”

“So you’d say that you’re pretty proficient with a gun?”

Your eyes are flashing now. “I’m sorry - none of this was on the list of pre-approved questions.” You interrupt, and the reporter holds up a hand to stop you, causing you to make an affronted face.

Bucky would laugh if he wasn’t feeling so sick at this turn of questioning. Every time. No matter who they vet, no matter how many times reporters insist they aren’t trying to catch him in a question he can’t or doesn’t want to answer… this is why he hates interviews.

“I’m just saying -- you’re one of the world’s most accomplished assassins. I guess I wanted to know why you’re doing research and recon when you could be on the front lines with the team? Are they worried you’ll have a setback?”

Bucky barks out a laugh.

You start, taking a few steps forward. “That’s enough. We’re done here.”

Bucky’s already standing, pulling out the chair from behind him as you come around to follow him out, until the reporter stops you, a hand firm on your elbow. You freeze, and Bucky’s eyes narrow on the point of contact, an unfamiliar feeling surging through him.

“Do you know who I work for?” The reporter hisses. “You told me I’d have a half hour.”

“That was before I knew you were going to ask questions that have nothing to do with your article.” You reply, face darkening when he still hasn’t let go.

Bucky waits, waits for one more sign that you’re uncomfortable before he steps in.

“If you ever want to get another high profile piece done on your team you’ll let me finish here.” He threatens, hand tightening.

You sigh, almost looking bored, and in one swift move, you’ve shifted enough of your weight to turn, pulled the elbow he was holding out of his grasp, and driven it into his ribs, simultaneously kneeing him in the groin.

Bucky’s eyebrows raise, and you look at him, rolling your eyes. “What?”

“Didn’t know you had it in you,” he says, letting a smile slip out so you know he’s kidding.

The reporter is doubled over, still making threats, but neither of you pay him much attention as you walk out the double doors of the conference room in the unfamiliar magazine office, heading towards the lobby.

In the car that’s waiting for you outside, Bucky watches you carefully as you roll your shoulders a bit, clearly smarting from the move you pulled back there.

“If I would have known you could do that, I would have been a little nicer,” he teases, but there’s an undercurrent of truth to his words. Not that he thought he’d ever piss you off enough for you to hurt him, but that he wishes he was nicer to you in general.

You glance at him, face neutral. “It wasn’t that hard. Everyone who works for the Avengers goes through basic self defense training, and I’m a woman with a brain and reasonable ability.”

Bucky nods. “Still. Thank you, by the way, for putting an end to that.”

You sigh, sitting back in your seat, all the fight leaving you. “It’s nothing.” You dig your phone out of your pocket and he watches as your thumbs fly across the screen before you hold it to your ear. “Hi, Steve.” A pause, “No, that’s cancelled. You’re not doing it. Tell Tony I’m cancelling the rest of the interviews. We’ll find some other place to get it published.”

He knows he’s staring and he knows he should stop before you notice, but he just… can’t take his eyes off you. The way you stood up for him, the way you promised him you would even when he was being a total asshole… he has no idea what he did to deserve it, but he’s damn grateful.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You ask, your tone softer than he’s ever heard it.”

He shakes his head, looking down at his feet. “No reason. Just-- sorry I’m such a dick sometimes.”

You laugh, and he immediately wants to hear it again.

“I mean it,” he continues, “I don’t mean to be. You don’t deserve it.”

“Bucky.” Your voice is even softer, quiet, and he struggles to think if you’ve ever called him by his name before. You wait until he meets your eyes. “It’s fine. We’re all-- just trying to get through this.” You shrug. “I know it’s not easy for you. Just… Trust me sometimes, will you?”

“I do trust you.” He replies immediately, absolutely sure of himself for once.

It’s your turn to be a little surprised.

He rubs his hands together, a nervous tick he’s never gotten rid of. “I’ve been trying to distance myself because I like you. And that honestly scares the shit out of me. I don’t know--” He stops, frustrated. “I don’t know how to do this anymore. And all I keep thinking about is what could go wrong.” He takes a chance and glances up at you, and the look in your eyes… it’s more than he expected. He feels his heart take off in his chest.

“We’re both so stupid, Bucky.” You tell him, but your words are light. “You should have said something.”

He rolls his eyes. “People always say that. But when has a conversation like this one ever been one that someone wants to have?”

“Maybe when the other person feels the same way?”

Bucky can’t breathe. He never even considered it. It was always a forgone conclusion in his mind. He thinks you’re beautiful, and you never think about him at all. That was always the truth that he thought he knew. “Go out with me.” He blurts, and then feels his face redden. “I mean-- let me-- will you let me take you to dinner?”

The car stops in front of the tower and you’re opening the door before you say anything, making him panic a little. A look over your shoulder, “I’ll see if I can pencil you in somewhere.” You say, and then with a wink, you’re gone, leaving him scrambling to get out of the car to catch up to you.

Before you can, Steve is there, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Not now--”

“Can’t help it. She called a meeting.”

Bucky stops in his tracks, and laughs. “Did she.”

“She must know how much you love them. Come on.”

Upstairs he finds his usual seat next to Sam and across from Steve, but when you gather your notes and meet his eyes, yours absolutely sparkling, he finds he’s not dreading this one at all. He still wants to take you to dinner though, so he might have to try to break his own record.

A 5 minute meeting so he can convince you to go on a date with him? He thinks he can swing it.

End

#captainkelli500fam #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1167

surveys by emptyliketheocean

Brand of cigarettes you smoke? I don’t smoke cigarettes, or at least I never buy my own packs.

Should you be trusted with a person's life? Idk, that’s for them to decide.

How's your life in general? I lost two relatives from Covid this week alone. So, not very dandy. Still in shock. Waiting for it to all finally crash down so I can grieve and mourn properly. Scared of more losses and hoping there aren’t any more to come.

Have you ever put lipstick on anything besides lips? I don’t wear makeup, but when my friends have put some on me in the past there were a couple of times they dabbed lipsticks on my cheeks.

Have you ever picked a fight you knew you would lose? Metaphorically speaking, yeah. I don’t get into physical fights.

What's something you think is crazy about the world? The concept of centibillionaires and the fact that there are multiple ones who exist.

What do you think about religion? I think the only upside to it is how it has helped save lives for some and how it serves as a guide for others to spread good in the world. Like if your religion has given you purpose and strength, that’s great. But ultimately, I’m not a fan and I most definitely don’t think religion is necessary to be a kind person. In fact, I think it works the opposite...most of the homophobes, misogynists, pro-lifers, and sexists I know are from the Christian faith. Cringe.

What about when religion causes violence? Well I definitely have a bone to pick with this lol. The only reason the Philippines is predominantly Catholic today is precisely that when the Spanish arrived, they used violence to forcingly convert Filipinos - who were then living in peace with their own culture, government, and religion system - to Christianity. And now we’re ‘celebrating’ 500 years of Christianity in the country this year, which was always so off to me because why are we celebrating colonization lol????????????? But anyway, yeah, that is another issue I have with religion. I want nothing to do with it.

What color is one of your hats? I have an off-white summer hat but I have literally never used it in public because it’s huge and it’s 100% going to draw attention.

How do you feel? My shoulders are sore and I’m feeling slightly irritated because of them. I’m also starting to get a bit hungry.

Have you ever gotten in trouble for laughing? A few times.

Something that makes you smile: Free food.

What do you think about surveys with lyrics as the title? Surveys with random lyrics usually end up being the ones with interesting questions, so I actually am more likely to check it out.

Do you have any clothes with small holes in them? Maybe one or two.

Do you think the way you live is really okay? I think I am already quite fortunate with what I have considering what others don’t, so it’s definitely been a while since I have complained about anything during this whole Covid situation, living-situation-wise. Even though we’ve lost a few things, like having to sell one of our cars and with my mom being retrenched, we still get by and have a roof over our heads with working water and electricity and a stocked pantry; and I make enough money to hand a portion of it to my parents twice a month and still treat myself with things I want. There is nothing to bitch about.

Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No.

Have you ever felt fire? No, but electricity, yes. I’ve been shocked before but that was also my own fault lol.

Have you ever seen a person light themselves on fire? Jesus no.

Have you ever used crutches when you didn't need them? Yes. I used to horse around with Katreen’s crutches when she injured her legs in 3rd grade, when she wasn’t using them.

If you had 15 beers you would be: Dead.

Are you as bored as I am? No, I’m good.

Why are you taking this survey? I feel like it.

What would you say if a person asked you why your face was so messed up? “How do you want me to react?” Easiest way to shut a person up and passive aggressively tell them to watch what they say.

What would you do if your first love asked you back out? Be very confused and ask why the sudden decision.

What's your home life like? It’s very routine, due to having to stay at home. I work a 9–6 on weekdays, follow that up with dinner, and use a few hours to scroll through social media until it’s time to sleep. Then on weekends I use the free time to recharge by taking surveys and watch videos of whoever and whatever I’m interested in at the moment. Just waiting for all of this to blow over so I can finally do the things I’m meant to be doing.

Do you have a talent that you don't do anything with? I don’t write a lot for myself these days. I do write frequently for work, which is great - press releases, event scripts, all your PR essentials - but I don’t get stimulated enough since everything is written in the same tone. I really should pick up a notebook and pen soon...

Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yes. Not that she’s in my life anymore.

What do you think about your mom? I think she tries her best. But I wish she were more emotionally in touch. And that she starts being politically correct.

What do you think about your dad? He’s worked hard and continues to, and I appreciate all his efforts; and I can’t wait to be able to buy him all the things he wants.

Which parent do you respect the most? Who do you think? Hahahaha.

Is there anything someone could lie to you about that you couldn't forgive? I suppose, like cheating.

Who do you love unconditionally? My two best friends.

Pick an element. Oooookay? Zirconium.

Have you ever wasted a great amount of time and felt horrible about it? It always feels that way on weekends these days because there’s only so much that can be done while stuck at home because of Covid. But I do try to justify it by telling myself I already work too hard during weekdays so it’s ok to bum around at home and do nothing, because using the time to recharge is still productive.

What is something that's been said about you that isn't true? My mom has said a lot of hurtful things directed towards me that I internalized for a very long time, but I’ve since gained the strength to no longer let those words get to me.

Who do you want with you when you're scared? Anyone who can be calm while I’m not.

Know any bands that not many people have heard of? Many of the punk bands I listen to are virtually unknown on this side of the planet.

Do you have any advice for people in general? Don’t be racist.

What's something you like to do in the summer? Complain about the heat.

What's something you like to do in the winter? We don’t get winter here, but I’ve always thought I would love snow if I ever saw it, and that I would probably make a lot of snow angels and play snowball fights.

What do you think about marijuana? I don’t have a strong opinion on it as it’s still a very taboo topic where I’m from and I’ve also been lacking on research. I do know people who use it for recreational purposes and I’ve never been against that.

Do you wish anyone death? Just politicians.

Have you ever felt like you weren't getting anywhere with a person? Yes, it felt that way for a long time. I just was too afraid of confrontation to do anything about it.

What do you feel for the person you first fell in love with? Resentment and a whole lot of nothing.

Where are you? I’m in my bedroom.

Are you waiting for something? Hmm, not necessarily.

Who is someone you just think has a hole in their brain? People who still think Covid is a hoax.

A candy you like? Gummy anything.

Does any part of your body hurt at the moment? My shoulders and neck, hence the neck pillow I’ve since put on while taking this.

Explain how you got the last bruise you had. I honestly have no clue. I currently have a big black circle on my right thigh that just suddenly showed up, and I can’t recall a time I must’ve hit it somewhere.

Are you tired? A little bit because I got up as soon as I woke up, but I wanted to maximize my free time this Sunday before another work week starts. Last Friday would be our last non-working holiday in a while and we’re not getting another one until August. :(

Explain how you got a scar you have. A distant cousin hurled a glass jar towards me when I was 3, during a family reunion. He initially went for my eye because I guess he wanted to blind me, but he missed and ended up hitting my eyebrow instead. My mom has since banned him from talking to me ever since, and I don’t think I’ve ever even seen him since the incident.

Have you ever owned anything illegal? Illegal copies of movies I’ve torrented, sure.

What do you dream about? The most random scenarios. I’ll get the occasional nightmare, but those only happen when I’m going through a period of depression.

Do you ever daydream? Not anymore these days.

How do you feel about vegetarians? I don’t really think anything of them. There are days I’ll particularly feel for them because there aren’t a lot of restaurants with good vegetarian options where I live, though.

A fruit you like: Avocado, in very limited options.

Have you ever seen a person eat a bug? Only bugs that were already prepared a certain way and meant to be eaten; but I’ve never seen a person that just picked up a bug off the ground and went straight to chewing. I imagine I would freak out and gag.

Something you worry about too much: How much is in my bank account.

How do you feel about smoking? I hate how the smell clings to your clothes and all your things when you’ve been smoking or when you’ve been around people who smoke. I also wince when people pose with their cigarettes just to look badass and cool; but as someone who’s since picked up vaping as a habit, my once-intense hatred for smoking and smokers has since changed lol.

If you had to move out of state, where would you go? I would move to a big city. Somewhere noisier and with a lot of lights and foot traffic and general activity.

What is your favorite vampire-related movie? The Twilight Saga hahahahahaha

Is there a person you keep coming back to? My best friends, I guess?

If you're listening to music...Give me a lyric from the song you're listening to. I’m not listening to anything.

#survey #surveys

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vortexs · 3 years

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I’m usually a vivid dreamer.

I’ve had dreams where I had powers. Or dreams where I saved the world. Or dreams where I go through an apocalypse.

Sometimes it’s just going through an exaggerated day. Sometimes it’s not me at all. I find that it’s an odd mashup of my feelings, stresses, and fears coming up & encouraging me to deal with them. More often than not, if I don’t deal with the issue, I continue to have the dreams.

Dreams are a fun place for me, and I haven’t had nightmares – true nightmares – in so long. But for the last year they’ve been more apparent, and for the last month, almost every night.

I know it’s because I’m grieving, and I’m not sure /how/ to grieve.

My grandma’s death was something I always saw coming. Looming over the horizon, peeking over the fence every time I looked at her. She’d been sick my whole life. Nearly every birthday wish I had was for her. Wishing for another year. Wishing for her health. I stopped wishing when I visited her one year and she was practically bed ridden, turning black and blue in the tips of her fingers and on the soles of her feet.

My stomach would fall, and my eyes would water. I knew it pained her to live more than it would pain me to see her go. I started dealing with her death long before she passed away.

It still hurt of course. But she lived a long life. A happy one. Full of love, and family. She loved me so much. I loved her so much. Its enough for me to know she is no longer suffering.

My cousin’s death gave me the entirely other perspective. He was young, younger than me. Still, we grew up together. He was the goofy one. The positive one. Always calm. Always kind. The kindest of his brothers, & the most determined to do life Right. No gangs. No violence. No drugs.

His death didn’t make sense to anyone. Didn’t make sense to me. His death was…complicated. Complicated because it was one of those deaths that many people wouldn’t feel bad for when you told them the story. One of those deaths where people /said he deserved it/ when it hit the news.

They didn’t know him. That’s what I tell myself. That it doesn’t matter what other people say, but fuck it still hurt. He deserved everyone to miss him. He deserved everyone to give their condolences and mean it. He deserved to graduate college, and achieve his dreams. He deserved to live longer.

This one hurts because I never saw his death coming. When I looked at him I didn’t see skeletons in the closet, or tragedy in his eyes. I dealt with this by trying to be there for everyone else. For my aunt and uncle who gave him his chance, for his siblings – my cousins who grew up with him. I wanted to be there for them to lean on, for us to celebrate him the way he deserved to be celebrated. That’s how I dealt with this.

But my dad. My father passing away. I don’t know where to begin.

It’s funny that I said my cousins’s death was complicated, because my dad’s feels 100 times more so. His is the type of complicated where I was told to lie. His is the type of complicated where I have to keep track of what I say, and who I said what to.

If I thought I couldn’t tell people how my cousin died, I definitely cannot tell people how my dad died. /Why/ he died.

I wish I could. I want to. But the reasons for it create complicated feelings in myself.

My dad was a great man. He raised me with stars in his eyes, & laughter on his lips. Growing up, I’d meet his friends or talk to extended family & they’d lean back, smile at me, and say “Ah, you’re definitely his daughter.”

My dad was goofy, and positive, and tough. Always encouraging, always behind my decisions. I adored him. I was a daddy’s girl through and through.

That’s not to say he was perfect. He wasn’t, and his faults are what ended he & my mother’s marriage. But like I said, he was tough, & he pushed forward. He’d tell me that later in life. To keep pushing forward. To not let anything keep me down.

“Look at me,” he’d go. “I’ve been through a lot. But I keep going. You have to do the same.”

As I got older, I could tell things were getting to him. Whether it was because life was harder for him, or because I’d been hardened, I don’t know. I began to see the tiredness in his eyes, the stress. Instead of him asking if I was okay, I started asking him.

“I feel bad,” he’d go. “I wish I could help you more. I wish I could be there for you. I wish you called me.”

I always told him that it was okay. That he was. He was there for me when it mattered, that I never thought of him and wished he’d do more. I told him that it’s hard for me to call anyone. He never believed it. That I knew. I chalked it up to some weird, macho man thing. You know, men always want to be the providers. Be the one for everyone to depend on. Everything I said was true. Still is.

He was remarried. He had a wife, and more kids. He did great with me, & I thought he’d be even greater with them. Everything that bothered him about our relationship he could fix and improve on with them.

And he did. For awhile. I like to believe it was all the way until the end.

The last time I saw him was on Father’s Day. My sister and I spent the day with him, and I could tell he was happy I came to see him. I was happy I did, too. He was very open this visit. I’d asked him for help (with getting my license lol) & he was very adamant that we would get it as he was teaching my step-sister as well.

“Of course! Come any time. I’ll teach you, and you’ll definitely pass.”

Maybe it was because it was the first time I’d asked something of him. Maybe he felt good that we’d share this milestone together. Maybe he was just happy I wanted to spend time with him.

I never followed through. The summer was so busy, and I was too short on money to make it back to him. I didn’t tell him this. Why? Because I knew he’d send me the money. I knew he’d give me the time. Neither of which he had much to spare (he’d vented to me many times about his money issues). I didn’t want to add to that.

I thought that once my job started I’d be able to go to him in the fall, instead.

He contacted me, which he rarely does. It was a strangely emotional text, in a good way.

“Hi baby! Are you still coming to see me? I really want to help you get your license!”

It made me happy, and I felt guilty I hadn’t told him why. I was reminded of how he felt like he failed me, and that I didn’t want to depend on him. That I thought lowly of him, or something. I told him I just didn’t have the money at the moment, but that I would see him as soon as I did.

“I want to get my license with you too!!” I’d said.

“How much do you need?” He’d sent back. I didn’t respond. I didn’t want him to send me money.

He still did.

A day later: $500, and a caption that read “My baby.”

I cried. I don’t know why, but I did. I think it was because I felt the weight of his love for me in that moment. Not that I ever thought he didn’t love me, but…he always struggled with showing his emotions. To me, this showed a lot. Not the money, but the caption. My baby. My baby.

I saw a lot of my dad in me. From his interests, to his ideals, to his personality. I never realized how much of me reminded me of him until he passed away.

It was a few days after my birthday. He sent me a nice message, & I told him how excited I was to see him. “See you soon.” I’d said.

A few days before he passed, I was informed that he’d done a terrible thing, & that he’d left his house & was unreachable. No texts. No calls. No tracker.

Knowing my father, as soon as I learned of the situation, I knew it was the beginning of the end. He was a prideful man. He wouldn’t want sympathy, he’d just want justice. He would never let himself get away.

I cried that day, when he was still alive. I just knew my father was gone. The man I knew, he wasn’t there anymore. The next few days were full of anxiety. I kept checking my phone, waiting for a call or text. About him. Or from him.

I actually did text him. I was afraid that if I contacted him & he knew that /I/ knew, that it’d speed up the process. That it’d send him over the edge.

I texted him, asking him to stay. Asking him not to hurt himself. Asking him to come back. I told him I loved him, that I appreciated him, & that I needed him.

He texted me back. He told me I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He told me that he wished he could’ve done more for me. He told me he was ashamed. Of what? Of everything, I think. Of his whole life.

He told me he only wanted 3 things from me. To be a strong, independent woman. To take care of my sister. And to always be grateful to my aunts.

I texted him multiple times after that. I never heard from him again.

A couple days later his body was found in another state. A “hiking accident” the police ruled it. I knew it was a suicide. I knew his reason for it. I knew that he said he didn’t want a funeral. I knew that he said he didn’t want us to mourn him. I knew that he didn’t want to be remembered at all, as he deleted all his social media, all his pictures.

Hardly anyone will ever know the man I adored ever existed.

The police said he needed to be cremated. They were adamant about how much we should not see the body. They told us that he was unrecognizable. That they only identified him through fingerprints. Out of everything I knew, I wish I never knew that.

I’ve never seen the body, but when I go to sleep at night I see it. I see him standing on the edge of the cliff. I feel his pain, his turmoil. I feel him thinking of his family. Thinking of his life. Thinking of me. I see him make the decision. I see him take the step. I see him fall. I hear him scream. I see him become mangled beyond recognition. I see him. I see him.

In my dreams I see him clear as day. In my dreams I speak to him. I chase him. I beg him to stay. He tells me no. He runs away from me. He tries to go away, but I see him.

I wake up, and I don’t see him. I wake up, and I know he’s gone away. I know that if there is an afterlife he will not see me, he wouldn’t allow himself that. I know that the last time I saw him, on father day, is the last time.

So then the dreams. The dreams where I chase him. Where I beg him. Where I look at him & he looks at me with pain in his eyes & guilt under his skin. Still, I wake up and fall into another nightmare where I lie about how he died and why.

I’m torn then. I want the dreams to stop, but I like seeing him. I’m scared to lose this, because then I will have lost all of him, maybe. I don’t know. Grief sucks. This sucks. I know I need to deal with this, but I don’t know where to begin. Or how. Maybe this is the first step. Getting this down. Even after writing this much about it I can feel how much more needs to be said.

Like, maybe I haven’t driven home how much he meant to me. Maybe I haven’t driven home how traumatizing it all is. Maybe I haven’t explained how my childhood was filled with him teaching me all the skills I utilize today, or how all my favorite interests started with him. Maybe I haven’t made it clear how I look in the mirror, or I speak, or I do my favorite hobbies and am reminded of him.

Grief sucks, but at least in my dreams, everyone is still there.

#this is a really really really long late night vent #basically a journal entry except I can’t stand writing in a journal so now it’s on my *blog* wow #lots of trigger warnings #tw death #tw suicide #I will need therapy for this eventually #when I’m ready #I think this is a good start #I don’t remember what I tagged text posts under #I’ll start a new one lol #tp

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