enjoy the visual path my brain just took after the first paragraph which was what this post was supposed to be:

i can be gender fluid and nonbinary at the same time right? cause that’s what feels the most right. i don’t feel like a boy or a girl but some days i feel like a masc lesbian and other days i feel like a bi femboy that only dates masc women….

do i like men or did i confuse myself again? bc i find men attractive bc i don’t think of gender when i look at people off the bat but once i know they id as a man i usually lose interest in anything past their looks. sometimes when it’s more of a ‘femboy’ day i do feel more attraction to men but i think it’s because of the thought of being in a queer relationship.

even then, i don’t really see myself long term with a man or anyone really. im still hoping between demiromantic and aego/cupio romantic bc i’ve never actually been in a romantic relationship. i’ve had opportunities but i’ve never wanted to take that step but i don’t know if it’s because im genuinely not interested or if it’s bc im scared to be in a romantic relationship.

i think i’d be more comfortable in a relationship with someone who isn’t a man.

some days i feel very no gender, ie: nonbinary and very queer. that’s really the only way i can describe it without sounding stupid but i also usually find women and non-men more interesting past looks so what im saying is. i dont think i like men

how they look? yeah, but the fact that they’re men? no.

why can’t we be born with out sexuality’s already figured out. it would make life so much easier to someone who has trouble perceiving myself and also commitment issues.

have any stupid style headcanons?

oh SO many dude you have no idea

stan will wear the stupidest outfits of all time, go around with his hair unkempt and greasy, have the worst eyebags you’ve ever seen, and kyle will look at him like god…….isn’t he just so dreamy???

they alternate between who cooks and who cleans but by god is stan ALWAYS doing repairs. it’s not just because kyle is lazy (that’s part of it) or that he doesn’t want to get dirty and sweaty (that too) but it’s also that kyle simply has no idea what he’s doing. one time he feels emasculated by the fact that he just sits there while stan does the repairs so he tries to help but he does it so poorly that stan gets pissed and tells him to just let him do it himself, which makes kyle all huffy

stan is in kyle’s phone as “Stan Marsh” and people think he’s a total freak for it. he justifies it by explaining that everyone in his phone is first name last name, even his parents, but that just makes it even more offputting

on that topic, they don’t really do pet names besides the occasionally baby or honey once in a while when they feel really affectionate or the other is in a kind of pathetic state. they mostly call each other by their names or like dude or man. sometimes kyle uses “stanley” as a kind of pet name but he also calls him stanley when he’s really really mad so it’s a bit hard to tell sometimes!

stan gets more jealous than kyle because for all of kyle’s insecurities, he knows stan isn’t going to leave him for some rando. stan also knows this at his core but it doesn’t stop him from getting unbelievably mad when another guy has the audacity to flirt with kyle. he doesn’t even try to hide it either. this isn’t an issue for kyle it makes him twirl his hair and kick his feet almost every time (the only reason for the almost is the times where it’s inconvenient so then it’s just irritating)

stan tries to be a good shiksa boyfriend and participate during jewish holidays, which kyle finds sweet, but he gets SO embarrassed when stan is reading a prayer in front of his parents because his pronunciation is just the worst and it’s basically incomprehensible. he doesn’t blame him, it’s just so so painful and kyle stands there like 😀 the whole time

when they were like 11-15 years old one of their most important intricate rituals was competing over height. kyle was taller than stan for most of those years but there were two occasions where stan outgrew him, and on the second occasion it was permanent because kyle definitely stopped growing by like 14. it was also intensified by the fact that stan was bigger and stronger than kyle, who isn’t exactly weak or anything it’s just. comparatively. the first time kyle notices this he has to fight so hard to pretend like it isn’t making him swoon because having a crush on his best friend is so humiliating.

stan is a vegetarian when he’s an adult but he goes through a two year vegan phase in his early 20s and whenever kyle eats meat he gives him these sad puppy dog eyes about it, which doesn’t actually change kyle’s dietary habits and really just serves to annoy him

stan enjoys working out as a kind of catharsis, mostly like lifting weights and hiking (which has the added benefit of being in nature and giving him the chance to see cool animals) and kyle hates doing this stuff so bad but sometimes he’ll tag along because stan likes it so much that he wants to support him. every time he joins stan on a hike he feels like he’s about to die and it makes him feel like a huge loser because like how is he struggling more with this than his boyfriend who is literally asthmatic. it’s not that kyle hates anything athletic it’s just that what he considers a tolerable form of working out is COMPLETELY different to what stan likes

kyle makes a point to be extremely aware of what’s going on in the world, be it politics, pop culture, or niche internet drama. stan doesn’t give a shit even a little bit. a lot of the time when kyle complains about something some extremely famous person did stan will go “is that a coworker of yours?” and kyle is like ?????no. when kyle explains hyperspecific discourse stan will nod along and smile at him because he doesn’t understand a single word he’s saying but he loves hearing kyle talk

they both like watching football to a certain extent but stan is the only one who actually is invested. kyle only cares if the broncos are close to or actively winning the super bowl, and even then it’s nowhere near as serious as stan takes it. kyle will try to proposition stan in the middle of an important play and stan will move his hands away and go “can’t. i’m watching.” which makes kyle get SO offended

kyle facebook stalks their old classmates and stan thinks this is the actual stupidest past time in the world. every time he does this stan goes “hey dude, have you been outside today? wanna go on a walk?” and kyle says something like “did you see that clyde got divorced again?” and stan goes “kyle, i literally doesn’t care at—wait, really?”

kyle is really controlling of the decor for their house once the two are like actual adults with real jobs. he wants their house to be neat and mostly minimalist and reflect their maturity (save for some photos and cute little tchotchkes) which conflicts with stan’s desire to fill their living space with anything and everything. stan will bring home some shit like a sexy leg lamp or a 6 foot framed and signed poster of john elway and go “living room?” and kyle will screech “NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT GET THAT OUT OF HERE.”

the decor issue is a trauma response to when the two of them shared an apartment with kenny for like 4 years and stan and kenny were allowed creative control, which meant some of the dumbest dude decor ever. it was acceptable at like 22 but by the time they’re 26 kyle is practically begging them to stop

whenever stan and kyle get into a big argument they use comparing each other to randy or sheila to be particularly nasty but they use comparing each other to cartman as like an ultimate trump card. it eventually gets banned because it’s too powerful and that’s not really fair!

the way tumblr talks about medicine makes me wonder how many of us here actually have critical thinking skills

My brain has gone back and forth on between which anime if arma or new is my favorite. Cause even with all its issues Arma means a lot to me, it’s the reason I got into getter and helped me through one of the worst times of my life- But then new is objectively better written and it drives me nuts compared to arma it’s not talked about ENOUGH despite all the stuff you can poke at from it’s plot and I’m trying to pinpoint that reason since the general consensus is “no one hates new and it gets a lot of fanart in the Japanese community yet it’s never deeply acknowledged so it feels unpopular”

So my standpoint is “do I keep investing into the popular iteration despite its issues or do I invested into the less flawed unpopular iteration when it comes to introducing getter to new people?” cause man as much as I’m a critical person of media I still can forgive some messy writing if I have a good time with it and can clearly tell the staff had fun making it, which is definitely armas case. (Though they absolutely had fun with new too)

i may know it’s healthy to interact with people and be social, but that doesn’t mean i find it easy in any way

magical john drag king is exactly what alan moore meant about the ideaspace this absolutely existed in our collective consciousness as a human species

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bad enough that i am stuck in my life but even worse when i have to work through / around the stuckness in front of people i care about / explain it / be perceived in experiencing it. UGH!!!!!!

my mom’s about to be the reason i off myself exactly a week before graduation if she keeps bitching about every little thing

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The Defenders (1972) #75

i figured this week was gonna cause a meltdown, i just hoped i’d make it til friday :/

im scared bc now that i’m essentially getting this public school job i know my body and mind have begun to settle into its fugue state where i have no thoughts and make no progress and waste literally all the time in the world because i just can’t imagine any other options it’s how i wasted four years with my major it’s how i ended up joining gr**k life it just feels like this is it and i trap myself

I just wanted to tell you that your post about families and wedding stuff was relatable and I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of that. I can’t relate 100% since I am not getting married, but I’ve also never thought about it too much, since I have this fear that people who accept me now won’t accept me if I tell them I’m marrying a woman one day. I dunno, I think straight people are weird when it comes to weddings, like they didn’t think you were serious before that? Like it was a phase? (cont.)

I haven’t played any legend of Zelda games (friends have though. I feel like it would be more surprising if none of them had) but you guys talking about botw and totk make that link seem so feral and scrunkly that I’m actually considering playing the games. Tumblr fans do better marketing than the actual companies sometimes

I don’t think I’m going to be able to convince my parents that Palestine is the victim. My Dad is so aggressively for them every since he heard the propaganda about Hamas “killing thousands of children”, and nothing I could say sounded like it was getting through. He’s a republican so i guess it was kind of fucked from the start. It fucking sucks I had to go to a doctor’s appointment and the tv in the waiting room was just. full blown Israeli propaganda and support and when I tried to ease into a discussion he started acting like I was being tricked and brainwashed and that he was the only one who knew how to find correct sources (his source is Fox News so. and he doesn’t believe in researching both sides, he pretends he does but he doesn’t) I had to leave bc I got called in and pretend I wasn’t shaking with rage and fear. It’s terrifying to see what my Dad has become in recent years. He falls for it every time there’s a “rage bait” propaganda bc he gets so mad he refuses to even entertain that it’s not true. He also refuses to entertain that he could be wrong about anything he believes. It’s fucking mortifying to witness all of this and then watch my family align themselves with such fucking abhorrent evil people. colonizers naturally align with colonizers I guess. I wish I could show them how wrong they are and peel the film off their eyes. I wish I could do something more to make up for their heartless, callous cruelty.