life is cruel.

it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.

and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.

and cruel.

and horrific.

and unfair.

and beautiful.

Passed Down Trauma

Masterlist

The War Has Begun | Next

“Why are you attempting to assassinate Eito L/N?”

“I’m not.”

“You’re lying, L/N. We found the notes in your home, we found the gun hidden in your car, and all of Japan has seen the video of you slandering your own father. Why did you do it?” Officer Yuikmara slammed his hands on the table in attempts to strike fear in you.

Without faltering, you said with a smile, “I can’t tell you what I didn’t do. . . but I can tell you that you have twenty four hours to let me go before it all gets fully released, Mr. Yuikmara.”

Katsuki and Kirishima stood in the living room of Katsuki’s apartment on what felt like pounds of questions and anxiety. Everything was going smoothly in the operation to protect Y/N and Ryu — now one was missing and the other was in police custody. The tension in the room was thick and despite Eijirou’s tendency to lighten situations, he made no move to ease his friend’s mind. In fact, deep down he wanted Katsuki to suffer for reasons that he knew were selfish and out of line. The unspoken feelings he had for a woman that he shouldn’t want were not hidden, and could not stay silent forever. Especially when that woman’s life was in danger and he couldn’t help but blame Bakugou.

“I’m going to burn that bastard’s house down, and Icy-Hot can put out the damn flames when I’m done.” Katsuki fumed as he paced the floor to try and calm down to think clearly. It was taking everything in him to follow the law and try to take Eito down the legal way, but with every minute he spent working on the case, he realized just how inbedded that man was in hero companies and the police force.

“That won’t get Y/N home, and you know it. What we need to do is wait for her to post bail and find Ryu, she’s probably worried about him.” Eijirou said, trying to find a way to solve all of this and think of what would help Ryu and Y/N.

Katsuki glared at Eiji, “you think you know everything? Y/N wasn’t even phased when we found out he was missing, you idiot!” Katsuki seethed at him.

“I know that Y/N loves her kid more than anything else, so maybe you were too busy being emotional to understand what she was feeling!” Kirishima bit back, not wavering under Katsuki’s harsh gaze.

“You’re just some sad, lovesick moron,” Katsuki taunted. “Why don’t you just admit the reason you don’t believe that she knows where Ryu is, is because you don’t want to believe that she’s hiding things? You think she trusts you so much that she’d tell you more than me? I can guarantee you that, like always, you’ll never be better than me.” Katsuki finished, both of them standing face to face with clenched fists and locked jaws.

The silence was loud like roaring beasts threatening the other to make the first move; two men who fell for the one they couldn’t fully get their arms around. Their friendship was equally as important to both of them, but how could one swallow their feelings for Y/N, simply for the sake of the other? Neither of them thought the other was worthy enough for such a beautiful tragedy you had written in your very bones. There was no personality, no smile, no heart that could compare to you. Even if they fought, the loser wouldn’t dare accept defeat.

A ringing phone broke through the silence, Katsuki’s pocket suddenly vibrating and taking his attention as he pulled it out. An unknown number was displayed across the screen, and in normal circumstances, he would have immediately sent it to voicemail with no hesitation or concern for who was on the other line. Today was anything but a normal circumstance.

“Hello,” he answered in a clipped tone.

“Mr. Bakugou, it’s Nanami. . I have important information I need to discuss with you.”

Rotting in a holding cell wasn’t how you wanted to spend your weekend, but it was better than being dead — you weren’t sure you wouldn’t be dead soon anyway, so you’re savoring just being in jail. You couldn’t even post bail, so you had to sit on the brick like bed and wait for everything to go through. Everything you built was currently being destroyed while you sat here calmly, waiting for the fire that is your father to be put out so you can remove the remains of his hold on your life and be free. . .

. . .Free to do what?

“L/N, you have a visitor, let’s go.” An officer interrupted your peace and opened the door of your cell, and you followed him without a word.

When you entered the small, dimly lit room, a woman sat there with such a crestfallen expression that you could barely recognize her. Her skin that was always flawless with minimal makeup was bare and her color suggested sickness. The gorgeous and bouncy hair that she did her best to maintain everyday was dull and clearly untouched. She looked like a mess, even in her bright flower patterned spring dress.

“Mom?” You said quietly, feeling a twinge of fear towards her when she was in such an unhinged state.

She looked up at you open hearing that word spill from your lips, and her expression brightened ever so slightly. It settled the fear and allowed you to fully fall into worry as you slipped into the chair in front of her — for the first time in years you offered her your hand for comfort. When her cold hand touched yours, you squeezed tightly in hopes of bringing her some warmth even in the cold room.

“I always knew you were secretly a momma’s girl,” were the first words out of her mouth along with an airy laugh. The joke was strange when it came from her, but for her sake you cracked a small smile. “I have a lot to tell you, Y/N.” She said in the softest tone you’d ever heard, grabbing every bit of your attention.

“You don’t have much time, so just say what you have to say.” You urged her, unsure of when you’d be able to speak to her again once she left this room. She had fallen off the Earth after that phone call, and you didn’t want her to leave you with questions.

Your mother began with a deep breath, “I’ve been married to your father for twenty five years. I did it for the money, never once thinking or caring about what he did and how he acted. . . until you were gone. I realized that he was. . different from other people. One day he was kind and compassionate, the next he was ruthless and cold, like a ticking time bomb that kept going off and shortening the time until it’s next reaction. It was easy to ignore at first, I just left him alone as I always did and made sure our interactions were kept completely secret. . Then he saw you on the news with that Bakugou boy-“

“You have five minuets left,” a man called on a speaker into the roo and you gestured for her to get to the point.

“What I’m trying to say is that there’s something wrong with him, Y/N. If you take him down by just destroying all his business and credibility I’m scared he’ll do something drastic that will hurt a lot of people.” Your mother said shakily, and the fear in her face was chilling you to the core, along with the fact that if you looked back you could tell that she was right.

‘What do I know about my grandparents on his side? I’ve never seen a baby picture from him, or even any picture of when he was young! What happened to him that drove him to become the controlling business man that would step on anyone in his way?’ You thought at a rapid speed, finding too many similarities between your reaction to trauma with how he always had acted. If not then more extreme.

“What am I supposed to do?” You whispered, your eyes falling to the cold metal table between you two.

“You have to talk to him,”’ your mother said. “I know you have a way of getting out of here, and when you do, go straight to him and tell no one. . You are his biggest failure in his eyes, and I know you’re the only one who can get through to him.” She squeezed your hand this time, assuring you that what she was saying was true.

“And what about you?” You asked. “Whether I destroy his business or get him the help he needs, you’re still going to lose everything.”

She smiled, “no. I just got everything I needed.”

A/N: We’re getting somewhere :P

Taglist (Closed) <3 : @fandomgirllover @cloudsgathering @that-bipolar-renegade-romantic @jazzylove @that-chick212 @bonbonthedragon @misssugarless @insomniac-nerd-posts-things @bakugous-bakahoe @pinkykookie17 @animexholic @arielting @samkysnks @simpforeveryone @damnirina @deneuves @tsumuuumiyaaaa @vintage-teddyxo @regalmigraine @samvmgh @iamagalaxy @officialtrashbusiness @xwackk @videogameboiwhowins @marajillana @ellasdilemma @plutoneu @saucey-kneecapzz42020 @thestarsanctuary @dewdropwifu @star-light-imagines @kritiiiii @bakugosbottombitch @the2ndl @candybabey @simply-not-the-same @sam-i-am-1025 @mes-bisous @eternallyvenus @peppytine @chaelysian @definitely-yours @oikawarc @suneaterofthebig3 @m0na-l0ver @nkb0048 @losertsukki @notyourfavorlte @caramelsquares @hikaru-mikazuki

Piece By Piece:

Trigger Warnings: Angst, Pregnancy, Mentions of Death, Swearing, Implied smut? idk it’s Peaky Blinders so...yup.

Word Count: 3,540

Characters: Thomas Shelby x Female!Reader

Request: “Can you make one with Tommy where they start a relashionship after Grace when to NY and when she come back Tommy still feels something for her so reader notice and tells him that it's ok if he wants to be with her cause she wants to see him happy and she never tells the family that she's pregnant and just go away and they meet later on (she receives a black hand too) and talk“

Requested by: Anon

Summary: Thomas Shelby always had his eye on Grace, but little did he know after her departure, he’d grow fond of the new barmaid. As time goes on, he realizes where his heart lies, and Y/N realizes her secret can’t be left in the shadows for long, but she never expected a black-hand to bring them back together again.

It had been 2 years since Grace left him for the bright and bustling town of New York. It had been 2 years since heart was ripped apart. But It had taken all of one day for his heart to be put back piece by piece.

“You can’t sit around here looking like that Tommy.” The woman said. She’d worked as the new barmaid ever since Grace’s departure. Helping heal his heart one shot of whiskey at a time.

“Looking like what, Y/N?” He asked, his eyes dull and tired as they glanced at her.

“Like this.” She said, pouring a shot and downing it, while sitting next to him. She did her best to copy his expression, adding an over-exaggerated pout to complete her performance.

Thomas scoffed, taking another shot as he watched her laugh.

“I don’t look like that.” He said, turning his head away and looking out the window of the Garrison.

“Oh, but you do.” She said, taunting him.

“Look Y/N, I’m going to have to go in the snug if you continue mocking me.” He said in a serious tone.

Y/N faked a shocked expression as he got up to leave.

“Thomas Shelby...I never thought you’d go and hide from a lady. What’s wrong did I hurt your feelings?” She asked, getting up and cleaning off the table.

“Don’t have any, sweetheart.” He said, walking towards the snug.

“Bullshit.” She said, smirking as she watched him sneak off to drink away his sorrows.

A half hour passed as she’d finished cleaning up, not wanting to think about what mess awaited her in the snug.

She knocked firmly on the door, hearing a groan on the other end.

“Thomas? Are you dead?” She asked, only half joking.

“Come in, Y/N.” He said, his speech slurring slightly.

“You know I can’t leave until you do right?” She asked, taking the empty bottle from him and bringing the shot glass to the small bar window in the room.

“What if I don’t want you to aye?” He asked.

“I’d really appreciate going home. Been here since 9 this morning Tom.” She said, reaching for the lantern on the table. In a swift motion he clasped his hand in hers, causing her to look into his mesmerizing eyes.

“I know love, but I’d appreciate it if you stayed. I can’t hear the shovels as much. Can’t hear the noise.” He said.

Y/N sighed and sat down next to him.

“Why me? Can’t you go stay at your home? Stay with your family? Stay with a random woman?” She asked.

Thomas put his arm around her shoulder. His words still slurring a bit as he spoke.

“I don’t want a random woman love, I want you.” He said.

Her heart raced as he said that. She knew people always talked nonsense when drunk, but she couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t just the whiskey talking.

Y/N sighed and furrowed her brow, remembering how she’d had a thing for the charming blinder ever since she’d stepped foot in Small Heath 2 years ago. But she never thought she’d end up feeling so strongly over the years.

“You don’t want me, Tom. You still want Grace. I know you do.” Y/N said. It hurt her to say it but it was the truth, at least to her.

“She’s not coming back, Y/N. It’s been 2 years. She has a husband back in New York now. So I’d say she’s not coming back.” He said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself it was true.

Y/N went to get up, wiping away a stray tear.

“Aye, c’mere. Don’t cry love.” He said, pulling her closer.

“Alright Tom, if you want me...you’ll have to prove it you know. I’m not falling for your tricks.” She said, finally getting out of his drunken embrace to finish cleaning.

“I’ll show you. Be outside in 5 minutes.” He said. Although he drowned himself in whiskey, he was much more playful when drunk. At least when he was around Y/N.

5 minutes had passed as Thomas stomped out his cigarette into the cold cobblestones. The smoke coming up from the ground and snaking it’s way through the air as it crumbled under the weight of his shoe.

He looked over and saw Y/N locking the doors and walking over to his car, her hair shining in the pale moonlight.

“You’re not driving this thing in your condition.” She said, pulling her coat tightly around her.

“My condition aye? Well...be my bloody guest.” He said, getting in the passenger side reluctantly. He was still far from sober after all.

Thomas watched as she drove, her hands gripping the wheel tightly as she peered through the windshield at the fog covered roads ahead.

“You’re beautiful.” He said, breaking the awkward silence.

“What?” She asked, the engine slightly growling over his words.

He put his hand gently on hers, urging her to stop the car.

“You’re beautiful.” He said, a small smile playing at his lips.

Y/N’s face heated up slightly, shaking her head as she dismissed his words.

“I heard you the first time. Just wanted you to repeat it.” She said with a playful wink before starting the car up again.

Thomas chuckled lightly as she drove on, his house eventually coming into view.

“Fucking finally.” He said, getting out of the car and walking to get Y/N out.

“So what now Tom? I guess since I drove I’m sleeping in the car?” She asked.

“Come inside. You’re sleeping with me.” He said.

“No. I mean-I’d love to-but...that’s not professional for-“ She started to say, her mind racing with the thought of her wildest dream coming true as Thomas crashed his lips to hers.

The tension between them was almost electric, making their movements frantic as he led her through the door and upstairs to his bedroom.

The next morning, she woke up in the unfamiliar room. Her head pounding slightly as she listened to Tommy’s soft snores beside her. He told her about the shovels before, and about how it wasn’t until he met Grace that they’d stopped bombarding his dreams. But she wondered if she’d ever be that bit of silence he needed, knowing Grace was still out there.

As the weeks went by, he’d show up more to the Garrison, always ordering her to get off work so they could share a drink and mingle with the family. And soon she’d became a welcome face around the Shelby’s, very much the opposite of Grace.

“Y/N, I just want you to know that whatever happens, you’re welcome here. You’re the best thing to have happened to him. Even if he can’t see it yet.” Polly said, taking a swig of her drink.

“You think so? I feel like he’s still on about Grace.” She said, shifting in her seat.

“Men never think with their hearts, nor their heads. But I’d say his is pretty set on you. It better be anyways because we all love you.” Polly said.

Y/N smiled as she watched Thomas and his brothers talking about business, sipping her gin as she sighed, it was the only thing she’d been able to stomach for the past week.

It wasn’t until a week later though that she realized what was wrong.

But her plight only seemed to worsen when Polly gave her a call that morning.

“You deserve to know Y/N, but Grace is back. Tommy just told me, but he’s been late the past couple of days because he’s been seeing her.” She said.

“Oh.......um alright. Thank you for telling me.” She said, tears welling up in her eyes as she hung up the phone abruptly.

It wasn’t until late in the evening that she’d heard Tommy open the door to her apartment, his face slightly cut in various places, but nothing out of the ordinary for him.

She stayed silent as he walked towards her.

“Y/N? What’s wrong aye?” He asked, hugging her as tears streamed down her face.

“I...I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving Thomas. You and I both know it’s better this way.” She said.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, lighting a cigarette as she paced around her living room.

“I’m talking about Grace. I know she’s back. Polly told me.” She said, her voice thick with more tears threatening to spill.

“I was going to tell you she was Y/N. Believe me.” He said.

She shook her head and chuckled lightly as she sat down.

“I don’t know what to believe anymore, but I’ve made my decision okay? I just want you to know that I love you, but if you’re truly happier with her then please, don’t waste yourself on me...on whatever this was between us.” She said, gesturing vaguely and walking past him, crossing her arms over her as she looked out the window.

“Look Y/N...I’m sorry alright? I didn’t think she’d come back...I won’t see her again.” He said.

Y/N wiped her tears and turned to face him, the nausea of the last few weeks eating away at her along with her nerves.

“You only let one thing rule you Thomas Shelby. And it’s not your heart or your brain.” She said angrily before going up to her room and grabbing her bag and her ticket to London.

As she calmed her nerves, she walked reluctantly down the stairs. Her heart breaking at the fact that he didn’t even deny seeing Grace, especially while she was away at work and at home sick.

“You’re just up and leaving then aye?” He asked, an angry tone to his voice.

“I’m doing what’s best for us, Tom. Maybe one day I’ll find it in me to come back. But today is not that day. I’ll see you around.” She said, walking out the door. Leaving her letter of resignation and her last month of rent in the mailbox.

Another 2 years had passed, leaving Y/N alone in a cramped apartment raising their now 2 year old daughter Jane. She was the perfect mix of both of them. Her eyes almost the color of Tommy’s and her hair and smile reflecting her mother. Y/N smiled, thanking the gods above that she got more of her features, often still feeling bitter about how they’d departed.

All was fine for them, Y/N having found a job as a seamstress. And finding some new friends who’d helped her look after her daughter.

But her quaint life was soon interrupted, all by a small letter in the mail one morning.

“I’m aware that you know a certain man by the name of Thomas Shelby. Let him know his days are numbered. Yours will be as well, Miss. Y/L/N.

L. C.”

Her heart sank at the words on the thin piece of paper, her legs growing weak as she looked at the threatening message and even more threatening black-hand that was printed on the front.

It took everything in her to think about what to do next. She immediately checked on Jane, seeing her sleeping in her bed peacefully as her friend Maria watched over her.

“Maria.” She whispered.

“Yes Y/N?” She asked.

“Somethings come up. I-I have to move back to Small Heath.” She said urgently.

Maria got up carefully and went with her to the small kitchen, tears welling up in her eyes at the news.

“I’m so sorry. I know we’ve been friends for so long, but this is dangerous. I-I have to go. I have to protect her. I want you to go home and stay away from this area alright? I don’t know what Tommy’s gotten himself into but I think it’s bad. Someone knows where I live and I can’t have you getting hurt. I’ll ring you once I’m there okay?” She said, tears streaming down her face once again.

“My god...alright. Are you sure you’re okay?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s not the first time I’ve dealt with him and besides...I knew I’d have to come back some day. Just didn’t think it would be so soon.” She said, hugging her friend for what felt like the last time as she raced to pack once more and carefully scooped her daughter into her arms. Leaving into the night and off towards where her heart once belonged.

In Small Heath, Tommy sat at his office, cigarette in hand as he looked over the letters his brothers had brought in.

“Isiah, Michael, Finn, you lot check the warehouses. Arthur you come with me.” He said, getting up just as the phone rang.

“Tommy, it’s Polly. I need you to come to my house.”

“I can’t, not right now. We got black hands and I can’t have the boys end up like Grace and John.” He said, his voice cold and emotionless.

“Should we come to the shop?” She asked.

“No I’ll come there...who is we? Just-never mind. I’ll see everyone later. Be careful Poll.” He said before hanging up and heading out the door.

The Changretta’s once again taunted him. And that was one thing he couldn’t bear from anyone, except for Y/N. Ever since Grace was killed by his men he thought of her. His world came crashing down as he saw the blood leaving her body on the ballroom floor. Clinging on to what little bit of life was left in her as she looked at him. It was Luca and his family who ordered that shot, and it was meant for him, but since he cheated death once again, it was coming to him now two-fold.

“Thank you for letting us stay, Poll.” Y/N said, looking around the lavish house that Tommy had surely acquired over the years.

“It’s no problem dear. I know it’s under the worst circumstances but I’m really glad you came back.” She said, lighting a cigarette as she watched Charlie, Thomas’ son playing with Jane.

“Amongst all this, I came to apologize. I shouldn’t have left, but I had no other choice.” Y/N said, tears threatening to fall.

“I’ve always liked you Y/N and I couldn’t let you go on living without telling you what was going on. I just...didn’t know you were pregnant.” She said, smiling at Jane as she played.

“I uh, just found out that day actually. I didn’t want to tell you all until I told Tommy, but...he didn’t really make that easy aye?” She said.

“No...and it’s a shame Grace passed the way she did, but she at least left Charlie. He’s the one light in his poor life right now. Besides you and Jane of course.” She said.

Y/N shook her head, looking at the boy who shared Tommy’s eyes almost as much as Jane’s did.

“I’m certain he won’t want to see me let alone the daughter he never met. He’s already hurting, I don’t want to hurt him more.” She said, taking a sip of her gin.

“He was torn apart when you left, and you gave very little reason as to why, but now I know and I don’t blame you dear. But even then, I knew that he loved you, he just....let his cock get in the way one too many times.” She said quietly, a chuckle escaping her lips as Y/N smirked.

“I remember I told him something along those lines. I just....always knew he had his eyes on her despite her being thousands of miles away. I should’ve known better...” Y/N said as Jane crawled over to her.

“You did what you had to do, love. Tommy was just too blinded by his past love to see what he was missing. But I assure you he’ll be happy you’re here. You just have to talk to him.” She said.

“If he’s changed as much as you say he has....that will be much easier said than done.” Y/N said, remembering Polly saying that since Grace and his brothers death, he was even more closed off except around Charlie or his beloved whiskey.

“I told him to come here, but he’s off trying to find Luca Changretta and his men. But he’ll be back. It’s safer for us to be here anyways.” She said, blowing out a puff of smoke from her cigarette.

It seemed like ages before Polly and Y/N heard a loud knock on the door, Y/N holding Jane in one arm and holding Charlie’s hand with the other.

Polly looked through the peephole hesitantly, and then nodded at you as she opened it.

Tommy walked in, barely noticing her at first as Charlie waddled over to him. He wrapped him in a hug, a sigh of relief escaping his lips as he looked at Polly.

“What did you need me here for aye?” He asked, none the wiser to the other two people in her house.

“Mama...mama...” Jane said quietly, pointing to the man she’d never seen before.

This caught his attention as he looked over, seeing the one he truly loved over the years carrying the little girl on her hip.

“H-hi...Tom.” Y/N stammered out, her heart racing at the awkward tension in the room.

“Y/N...” Was all he said, slowly putting Charlie down and walking towards her.

His face was cut in various places, almost like she’d seen him 2 years ago.

He looked at the little girl who clung to her mother’s hip, shyly staring at him with her blue eyes that couldn’t fool anyone. She was his and he couldn’t deny it.

“I think we need to talk...” She said quietly, tears threatening to spill as she saw the man who broke her heart all those years ago.

“I think we do.” He said, a sad look to his eyes as he stepped into the drawing room of Polly’s house.

“I’ll be right back love, go play with Charlie yeah?” She asked, sitting her daughter down by the boy that was about her age, playing with two horse shaped toys.

Y/N reluctantly went into the room, Polly giving her a small smile as she sat and watched the children.

“I thought you’d left for good Y/N...” He said.

“I did too, but I got a black-hand letter in the mail. They threatened me and my daughter. I had to come back.” She said, finally letting her tears fall.

She wiped them away as she sat down across from him, not wanting to look him in the eyes.

Tommy rubbed his hand over his face at the fact. He didn’t think he’d try going after her, but he also underestimated him before and it ended tragically.

“When were you going to tell me aye?” He asked, sitting next to her.

“Tell you what? That I got a black-hand or that I was pregnant?” She asked.

Tommy looked away and rubbed his cigarette against his lips before lighting it, just as he always did.

“So she’s mine aye?” He asked.

“Yes. Can’t deny it. Her eyes are practically yours. I could tell you knew as soon as I saw your face.” She said, getting up to pace around.

“I’m sorry for the way I treated you, Y/N. Everyday since you left I regretted it. I loved Grace, and chose her but I really should’ve chosen you and I’ll never forgive myself for that.” He said, watching her pace around the small room.

Y/N nodded, her mind racing with the memories of the past.

“I’m sorry about Grace, Tom. She seemed like a good match for you. I’m glad you have Charlie though.” She said looking out the window.

“Do I still have a chance...Y/N?” He asked. Causing her to look away from the window.

His eyes stared at hers intently. Almost burning a hole through her as she gazed back.

“Well...all things considered...It seems like we’re staying here a while so that’s up to you as well. Are you going to see someone else?” She asked.

“No.” He said, walking over to her. He was inches from her as he spoke, his eyes hurt but still shining. His face more cut up and wrinkled in places than the last time she saw him. But one thing remained. His smile that he’d only shown for close family had appeared again. Making her cold heart melt at the sight.

“I’m not making that mistake again, Y/N.” He said, brushing a tear from her cheek.

“Do you promise?” She asked.

“On my life.” He said, before bringing her into a kiss.

When they pulled away, she heard Jane and Charlie playing, causing her to smile.

“I’ll have to visit Charlie more often, he’s a sweet boy.” She said.

“You won’t have to visit love. You can stay with us.” He said.

“Tommy...no I can’t do that...” She said.

“I promise you can. There’s more rooms in that house than I can keep up with and it would be nice to have someone I love besides Charlie walking around there again.” He said.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yes.” He said.

Y/N sighed and nodded, pushing herself up on her toes slightly to kiss him again. The electric spark still there after all those years. It was like she’d never left, and this time, she planned on staying.

Thomas Shelby Tag List:

(If you’d like to be added/removed just shoot me an ask!) :)

@msbzowy, @nofckingfighting, @aranoburns, @sighonahurricane, @ugly-crying-over-bucky-barnes, @gaytommyshelby, @wowjeena, @fifty-shadesof-tommyshelby, @inglourious-imagines, @thebloodyshelbys, @tsolomons, @blinder-secrets, @reveparade, @shelby-fanatic, @ta-ka-shi-ma, @psychkunox, @peakyxtommy, @captivatedbycillianmurphy,@dreamwastakenx, @lovemissyhoneybee, @thomashelbyswhore, @xxbeckybeexx-blog

February prompts by @creativepromptsforwriting.

1 - Love letter 💌:

The letter arrived in the mail; hadn’t it been for that corner of the envelope peeking through a slit of her folder-sized mailbox, she would have completely forgotten the thing existed. Who sent letters nowadays? She left the bags on the floor and went to pick it. Given the red wrapper and the heart sticker, it was obviously a Valentine’s Day letter — which made it all the weirder because it wasn’t Valentine’s Day yet. 

That morning’s shopping spree was part of her yearly ritual actually, celebrate all February but Valentine's. She didn't need anyone treating her anything. 

She didn't need an excuse to dress up to a fancy dinner. 

If she wanted to do any of that, she would, by herself. 

And red wasn't her color either, whoever sent the letter should have known. 

It probably was some prank from someone in the building who knew her aversion — (it wasn’t a vendetta) — against the festivity. Whatever. She didn’t have time for it. Taking her bags again, she kept the letter in her hand, unwilling to allow the bad energy of such a childish joke near her new Neiman Marcus purse. She then left it on the table once she got to her apartment, it didn’t have a remitter, so there wasn’t anyone to respond anyway. That gave her a reason to leave it there for the rest of the day... Week... Two weeks. 

It had become one of those left-aside papers waiting to be brushed away, along a few sticky notes and receipts. Finally, the dreaded day came, and it was time to do all her least favorite things. Including cleaning and confronting things she meant to avoid. 

She opened the envelope by removing the heart-sticker. Oddly enough, the letter was less holiday-ish on the inside, and written with a purple pen. Her favorite color. 

Jersey, 

A groan. The nickname told her exactly who sent the letter. How did he find out where she lived though?

Don’t panic, your parents told me your address, I’m still their neighbor. 

I know you don’t celebrate Valentine’s, and some of that might have to do with me, but it isn’t fair that you are alone the day supposed to be about hearts and chocolate and love. So, strategically, I made this letter themed on your LEAST favorite day, and sent it earlier to make SURE you opened it the day you do all the things you don't like to do. Boom! Made you look!

I’m sure you look beautiful right now <— (Please don’t kill me, I had to add a romantic line for the sake of love-letterism.) Happy Valentine’s Day!

P.S.: I bet you thought I had forgotten your favorite color. 

Simple like that. 

She took her car keys, didn’t bother to change from her leggings and pink t-shirt — very fitting for the occasion — and drove to her parents’ house. 

Her parents had always been a very lovey-dovey couple, they made today a Halloween with happy-endings-only and gave decorated packs of chocolates to the visits. She saw them lined up in the table when her mother opened the door. 

“Sweetheart!”

“Mom!” Her hug didn’t lack enthusiasm, but the strong squeeze was more due to anticipation. “I was driving by and decided to say hi. Do you mind if I pay a little visit next door and the come back?”

Her mother’s eyes went in the direction she was pointing. It was a little tease, they both knew where she meant, and her mom was a little too excited about it, “Of course, honey!”

She went, knocked the door twice. 

He opened. 

And the ‘the themed letter’ shoved into his chest. Hard. “Happy Valentine’s Day to you too, jackass!”

The city should rename that street to ‘Where Nobody Knows How To Hide Their Smirks’ — even when they are keeping papers from falling down. “I made you look and come by. Is this my gift?”

Damn his dimples! (And damn his rock-hard chest! Her palm stung and he looked like only a feather had brushed him.) “It isn’t.”

The two stood silently in the doorway. Several minutes passed before any of them spoke again; the sun was already coming down, the sky had a shade of pink that matched her shirt. 

“In case the letter wasn’t enough, I was going to send you hot-cocoa mix and heart marshmallows,” he said. “Wanna come look for them inside? I can prepare it myself and save you the trouble.”

He moved aside to let her come in. She did, with firm steps and her head high. Very dignifying. 

Spanish Translation:

La carta apareció en el correo; de no haber sido por la esquina del sobre saliendo por una rendija del buzón, ella se habría olvidado de que esa cosa existía. ¿Quién envía cartas estos días? Dejó sus bolsas en el piso y fue a recogerla. Por el papel rojo y la pegatina en forma de corazón, obviamente era una carta de San Valentín — que hacía todo aún más raro porque ni siquiera era San Valentín. 

Las compras de esa mañana eran parte de su ritual de cada año, de hecho: celebrar durante todo febrero excepto San Valentín. Ella no necesitaba que nadie le comprase cosas. 

No necesitaba una excusa para vestirse elegante y salir a una cena. 

Si quería hacer esas cosas, las haría, sola. 

Y el rojo ni siquiera era su color, quienquiera que enviase la carta debería haberlo sabido. 

Probablemente era una broma de alguien en el edificio que sabía de su aversión — (no era una venganza) — contra San Valentín. Lo que sea. No tenía tiempo para eso. Tomó sus bolsas de nuevo y mantuvo la carta en su mano, no estaba dispuesta a dejar que la mala energía de una broma tan infantil tocase su nuevo bolso Neiman Marcus. Luego la dejó en la mesa una vez que llegó a su departamento, no tenía remitente, así que de todas maneras no había nadie a quien responder. Eso le daba una razón para dejarla ahí por el resto del día... Semana... Dos semanas. 

Se convirtió en uno de esos papeles dejados de lado esperando que los tirasen, junto a algunas notas adhesivas y recibos. Finalmente, el temido día llegó, y era el momento de hacer todas sus cosas menos favoritas. Incluidos limpiar y confrontar lo que prefería evitar. 

Abrió el sobre removiendo la pegatina de corazón. Fue extraño, la carta era menos festiva en el interior y estaba escrita con un bolígrafo morado. Su color favorito. 

Jersey,

Un gruñido. El apodo le decía exactamente quién envió la carta. ¿Pero cómo sabía dónde ella vivía?

No te asustes, tus padres me dijeron tu dirección, todavía soy su vecino. 

Sé que no celebras el día de San Valentín, y eso tal vez sea por mi culpa, pero no es justo que estés sola el día que se supone es sobre corazones y chocolates y amor. Así que, estratégicamente, hice esta carta temática de tu día MENOS favorito, y la envié antes para ASEGURARME de que la abrieses el día en el que haces todo lo que no te gusta hacer. ¡Boom! ¡Te hice mirar!

Estoy seguro de que te ves hermosa ahora <— (Por favor no me mates, necesitaba una línea romántica para que fuese una carta de amor.) ¡Feliz día de San Valentín!

P.D.: Apuesto que pensaste que había olvidado tu color favorito. 

Sencillo como eso. 

Ella tomó las llaves de su auto, no se molestó en cambiarse a otra cosa que no fuesen sus leggings y una camiseta rosa — muy apropiada para la ocasión — y condujo hasta la casa de sus padres. 

Siempre habían sido una pareja melosa. Hacían del día un Halloween con finales felices y daban paquetes adornados llenos de chocolate a las visitas. Ella los vio alineados en la mesa cuando su madre abrió la puerta. 

“¡Cariño!”

“¡Mamá!” A su abrazo no le faltaba entusiasmo, pero el fuerte apretón era más por la anticipación. “Pasaba por aquí y quise saludar. ¿Te importa si le hago una pequeña visita a alguien en la casa de al lado y luego regreso?”

Los ojos de su madre fueron en dirección hacia donde ella apuntaba. Era un pequeño chiste, ambas sabían adónde se refería, y su madre estaba un poco demasiado emocionada por ello, “¡Claro, cariño!”

Ella fue, tocó la puerta dos veces. 

Él la abrió. 

Y ‘la carta temática’ lo golpeó en el pecho. Fuerte. “¡Feliz día de San Valentín a ti también, idiota!”

La ciudad debería renombrar esa calle como ‘El Lugar Donde Nadie Sabe Ocultar sus Sonrisas’ — ni siquiera cuando evitan que caigan papeles al suelo. “Te hice mirar y venir hasta aquí. ¿Ese es mi regalo?”

¡Demonios, sus hoyuelos! (¡Y demonios, su pecho sólido! A ella le dolía la mano y él se veía como si lo hubiese tocado una pluma.) “No.”

Los dos se quedaron parados en silencio en el umbral. Varios minutos pasaron antes de que alguno volviese a hablar; el sol ya estaba cayendo, el cielo tenía un tono de rosa que combinaba con la camiseta que ella traía puesta. 

“En caso de que la carta no fuera suficiente, iba a enviarte mezcla de chocolate caliente y malvaviscos,” él indicó. “¿Quieres venir a buscarlos? Yo puedo prepararlo por ti y ahorrarte los problemas.”

Se hizo a un lado para dejarla pasar. Ella lo hizo, con paso firme y la cabeza alta. Muy dignificante. 

Sweet Little Thing

genre: smut | yeosang x fem!reader

word count: 3.1k

warnings: explicit content, unprotected sex, oral (female receiving), praise kink

event: valentine’s day prompt ask by @svt-mangos

summary: a new bakery opens at your city and you find yourself mesmerized by how amazing their cakes are, yet it’s their waiter, kang yeosang, who catches your eye first.

It was your first time going to that bakery. It had just recently opened and some of your friends told you how amazing their desserts were, you just had to try them. The looks attracted you right away. All the colors, smells, sizes. You felt like entering a wonderland. 

“Don’t just stand there.” the waiter giggled beside you “Order something.”

“But they’re so many. I can’t choose.” you drew closer to the cake showcase and hummed in confusion.

“Let me help then. Go for the strawberry angel food cake.” he points at the sugary pink cake “It’s really sweet. I think it goes well with you.”

For the first time, you look at him, in surprise by his flirt. Time seemed to stop when you locked eyes with each other. Maybe you did enter wonderland. Do wonderlands have princes? Well, this one had, and he was standing right there before you.

“Do… Do you want it?” he asked, not so flirty nor confident this time. “Want what?” you bluntly responded, not paying the minimum attention. “The cake. Do you want to taste that cake?”

“Oh, the cake right.” you free yourself from the thoughts and smile awkwardly “Sure. I’m going to sit over there. Oh and a cappuccino please.”

He smiles and leaves to prepare your order, while you just head to a table near to the window. After that encounter, you just had to sit down and recover your senses. You had never seen him before. Not in university nor anywhere in that city. You would remember if you did, certainly, such a pretty face like that is hard to forget.

Once again he approaches your table and you feel your heart rhythm fasten as if he wanted to run away. You watch him place the cake in front of you, and then your drink. Something in the way his blond hair was held by two baby blue hair clips turned him even more charming. While lost in your own world you didn’t notice how the boy looked at you too. 

“Would you like something else?” he smiles.

“No, thank you.” and it’s when he’s preparing to leave that you decide to take the first step “Actually..”

“Yes?” he gazes back at you and you can clearly see a glimpse of hope shining in his eyes. 

“I’d like to know your name,” you admit shyly but he seems to enjoy it a lot. “Kang Yeosang.” he points at his name tag and you chuckle. “Sorry, I didn’t pay much attention to that.“ 

"I wonder why.” tilts his head to the side making a pensive face “Maybe you just were too distracted looking at my face." 

Your eyes widen in surprise and a hint of red grows in your cheeks. You shyly mumble an apology and Yeosang laughs sweetly. 

"Don’t be sorry. I liked it. I think you were too distracted to even realize I was looking at you the same way.” he smiles. 

His confidence seemed to have boosted and you couldn’t help but smile at his statement. That means something, right? Because you could really kiss his beautiful lips right that instant. 

“I hope you enjoy your food.” he suddenly goes back to his waiter state and points at the cappuccino “I hope you like that cappuccino. It comes with a surprise." 

You look at him in confusion and Yeosang just waves as he walks away. What did he mean by surprise? Did he put something in the drink? How lucky could you be to meet a nice handsome boy yet he would just drug you? Too many scenarios. Maybe there really is a good surprise. 

Warily you just take a sip of the drink, which seems to be fairly normal. Shaking your thoughts away, you just have a normal meal, being delighted by how heavenly that cake tastes. Your friends were right. You could feel how much love the baker had put into it. 

When finished, you decided to send a pic to your friends, along with a long review paragraph of how you would definitely be back to taste more of their cakes. Between the many replies you got, one of them caught your eye. 

"What is that black stuff written on the cappuccino cup?" 

You immediately looked at the cup and saw a couple of lines coming from under the bakery label. Curiously you rip the little sticker off, only to show a cell phone number and the ‘KY’ letters under it. Of course, it meant Kang Yeosang and it obviously was his number, but your mind couldn’t really process the fact that the cute waiter that had just flirted with you gave you his number. 

So, after that day, besides being at the bakery most days you also texted Yeosang frequently. Both of you really enjoyed the talks you had on the phone throughout the entire dawn and, for some odd reason, Yeosang made you feel wanted. More than you had ever been.

Apart from the hours-long phone calls and your routine visits to the bakery, you two didn’t really see each other often, it could be because you don’t study in the same university, or just for the fact that you haven’t had the guts to ask him out on a date. But neither does he, well, until one day.

“Here’s your order.” he happily rushes to your table setting down the food “I have one thing to ask you.”

Taking a bite to the piece of cake you sign for him to keep talking. Curiously Yeosang had developed a way of talking to you that made you blush every two words. He would either finish his sentences with pick up lines or just softly compliment you. It wasn’t like you didn’t enjoy it, all his words boosted your ego, but you never knew how to respond and he would just stare at you, with a victorious smirk on his face, waiting for a response.

“Go on a date with me. This Saturday,” he said it so easily yet you were almost choking on your food. “A what?” you mumbled between coffs. “You heard me.” he chuckled “I’ve been meaning to ask but it never seems to be the right time. But I’m taking my chance with the pretty girl now.” 

“You sound like a true gentleman.” you smile, awkwardly trying to hide your blushed cheeks “And where are we going?”

“Oh, that’s a surprise. Just meet me here. I leave at six so we can go together, okay?” 

“Seems good. I’ll wait excitedly for it.” you smile and once again he resumes his work.

Saturday didn’t take much time to come. The week seemed to fly just for you to have your so awaited date. You still visited the bakery every day after university, but the thought of the two of you finally being able to hang out together was driving you nuts. So, on Saturday, there you were, munching something to make time for Yeosang to leave his shift. 

Half an hour before, he was already looking enthusiastic passing through your table every five minutes telling you how he was almost leaving. You could only laugh at his cuteness. 

You were waiting outside by the door when his shift finally ends and you only now got to see in person how good looking Yeosang is without his uniform. Not that it really matters, but his style surely helps, especially when he’s wearing a leather jacket.

“You look good.” you shyly admit referring to his clothing. “Thanks. But, don’t I always look good?” he teases you and you just decide not to fight back. “Anyway, where are we going?” 

“We are going to my house.” he takes you by the hand guiding you to his car. “To your house?” you look a bit taken back by his words but he quickly eases you. “You told me once that you wanted to learn how to bake some of the cakes we have at the bakery so I thought it would be a good idea to teach you,” Yeosang explains as you both enter the car “I would do it at the bakery but my boss didn’t allow me. Since I have all the tools and ingredients at my house I figured it’d do. I hope you don’t mind, we can do something else if you want.”

“No!” you cut him off quickly “Baking seems like a fun first date.” 

It didn’t take long to arrive at his place and you sure got surprised by how tidy and clean Yeosang is. Yet he doesn’t seem to be the only one living there, due to the number of jackets on the hall hanger.

“Do you share the house?” you curiously question while roaming around the living room, feeling the nice fruity smell it holds. “I do, with seven of my friends. But they’re not here today, I told them I wanted privacy.” he chuckled at his own words and guided you by the hand to the kitchen. It was starting to become a habit, holding your hand and leading you. Not that you were complaining, he has really soft and warms hands.

All of the utensils and ingredients were already set on the table which meant he had prepared it all before going to work. Realizing that, you looked at Yeosang with the most loving eyes, like you were falling in love with him. Perhaps you really were.

“What?” he smiles taking off his jacket and replacing it with his apron, giving you one right after “Are you falling for me already?”

“Let’s cook.” you cut him off and he laughs at your embarrassment. “Ok, let’s start.”

Saying it was an easy task would be a lie because Yeosang wasn’t properly the best teacher. He would simply skip some steps and not tell you what it was supposed to be done and then just laugh at your pouty expression. He would also grab your arms to explain to you how you were supposed to beat the eggs or mold the fondant, it drove you insane. 

“Ok, now, carefully, put it in the oven,” he instructed and you did as told. “Are you sure I did a good job?” you asked while closing the oven’s door but you didn’t get a reply “Yeosang?”

As soon as you turn to face him your face is hit with a good amount of flour, much of it going inside of your mouth. “You’re dead,” you say playfully taking the bag of flour from his hands and throwing some on his face. And right at that instant, a war started. You ran around the table with Yeosang chasing you, both of you giggling like little children and spilling flour everywhere. You were so distracted running around that you didn’t even notice him right in front of you with his arms open, ready to catch you.

“Gotcha.” he happily sings after grabbing you in his arms. The problem was how close you two got at that moment. Both your noses rubbing each other and you could swear he was able to listen to your unsteady heartbeats. His eyes trailed up and down, switching between your eyes and your mouth.

“Can I kiss you?” that’s all he asks yet you felt like fainting. You didn’t give him a proper answer, confirming with a head gesture was enough. His lips tasted like flour, which was sort of inconvenient, but you could still taste his sweetness and feel his warmth. Yeosang didn’t rush it, it was indeed the most loving and deep kiss you have ever had and it made you feel out of this world. 

When he parted his lips from yours you whined lowly, you wanted more, a lot more. He surely noticed how your expression changed and grabbed your hips to draw you closer to his body. Your legs got shaky and he smirked.

“Did I just make you wet with just one kiss, sweetheart?” 

If the kiss didn’t make you, which was highly unlikely, the way his eyes darken as he said that sure did. You just looked away from him embarrassed, he has such a strong gaze, so hard to resist. Yeosang rubbed his finger on your cheek cleaning some of the flour that still covered you and leaned closer.

“We should really take a shower. What do you think?” he whispers right by your ear and his words slide quickly down to your core. “Together?” you ask innocently, obviously you knew the answer. “Of course, sweetheart. Unless you don’t want to, I’m fine with that.”

You smiled at him, touched by his gentle preoccupation with getting consent. “I would really love that.” you take the opportunity to kiss his lips again, a bit more hungrily this time. Yeosang lifted your body up, and so he carried you to the bathroom, rather clumsily since he was more focused on giving your lips attention. You giggled when he just kicked the door desperately, he was really eager to have you. 

“Yeosang, put me down.” you laughed as he started to kiss your neck “I can’t shower with clothes.”

“Oh.” he laughed awkwardly and let you down to your feet, only to grab you again “I’ll take care of that.”

Every one of his moves was gentle, soft, and warm and you enjoyed every single one. It didn’t take long for him to be on his knees and face to face with your clothed core. His eyes widened at the dark wet spot on your underwear.

“You’re this wet just for me?” his finger met the stain and you whined softly. “Don’t make those embarrassing questions…”

“You’re so shy.” he chuckles. His breath comes closer to your core and your hands instantly move to his hair. Not so gently now he removes your underwear and, with the most hungry eyes you have ever seen, he lets his tongue travel between your folds. “And you taste you sweet.” his hands grab your thighs firmly to spread them more, giving him more access to play with you.

Small moans start to fall from your lips and it only fuels Yeosang’s ego. His tongue finally meets your desperate aching clit and you shake at how good it felt. He knew exactly what he was doing, playing with it at a steady pace yet sending shivers down your entire body. One of his hands releases your thighs and slowly travels to between your shaky legs. 

“You’re so good for me. So beautiful.” he hums into your core “I can’t get enough of your sweet moans, baby.”

You gasp loudly when you feel two of his fingers slide inside you and coming out again. Your eyes meet Yeosang’s and you can feel how satisfied he is by eating you out like that, but the bulge in his pants started to hurt every second he didn’t give it attention.

His fingers thrust into your wetness again and he starts moving them quickly and steady as his lips are busy sucking and playing with your sensitive clit.

“Yeosang… I’m going to cum,” you mumble between pants, your head was thrown back and your breath completely unsteady. He knew you wouldn’t last longer too, that’s why he decided to stop. Before you could cum he took his fingers out and moved his mouth away from you. You whine at the sudden emptiness and look at him unsatisfied.

“Don’t look at me like that, sweetheart.” he says playfully as he stands up and starts to undress “I can’t let you cum just now.”

“Why?” you ask, quite lost on his body, devouring him with your eyes. “I want to look you in the eyes and make you mine.” 

Your expression softens as you hear his words and he turns to turn the shower on. “Come, sweetie. I want to make my pretty little baby feel good a bit more.” he reaches out his hand to pull you to under the shower “And, of course, I want to hear how good you sound once I make you cum.”

His words hit the pitch of your stomach and you take no time in kissing him feverishly. You two weren’t going to play any games now, both of you needed release so much that it hurt.

While one of his hands roamed through your body, the other one was busy giving a few pumps to his needy cock. Yeosang grunted in between the kiss and it was the sexiest sound you have ever heard. You grabbed his face with both of your hands and locked eyes with him. “Yeosang, please…”

It only took you one plea to make him do as told. Without ever taking his eyes from yours he carefully slid inside you. He held himself onto the cold tiles of the bathroom wall and waited for you to give him permission to move. Taking a look down he saw the way his cock fitted perfectly inside you and grunted with satisfaction.

“Fuck, you take me so well.” his thumb caresses your lower lip “And you feel so good.”

You can only smile at his words, giving him a sign to start moving. And so he does. Unhurried he slides almost completely out of you, only to sink deep once again. And as he promised he was looking right into your eyes as he made you his’. Every hard thrust seemed much more intense with the two of you looking eye to eye and moaning each other’s names uncontrollably. The water just dripped from your bodies, taking with it all the sweat, and muffling the erotic sounds your skin made as they met each other with every thrust.

“Can you cum for me now, baby?” his words came one by one between his pants “Because I will.”

You shake your head as you felt the heat rush through your body. Your walls started to feel tighter around his cock and Yeosang was a mess just by the feeling of you clenching around him. You felt him throb him inside you and just couldn’t contain yourself anymore.

With a loud moan, you came undone on his cock and fell on Yeosang’s arms as he pulled out of you and came on his own hand. He held you close to him and played with your hair until you recovered your senses and were finally able to stand up.

“Now we should really take a shower.” he laughs and you join him.

Like the gentlemen he is, Yeosang made sure you were all cleaned, from the flour and the cum, and his aftercare actually felt really good.

As you both were stepping out of the shower something in your head clicks and you look at him. 

“The cake!” it was most likely all burnt by now.

OMG OMG OMG YOU’RE AN AMAZING CAROL X READER WRITER I LOVE THE SERIES FICS FOR HER U HAVE RN! Since requests are open, can u please write about carol x reader where carol is very romantic and affectionate and does stuff like driving with her hand on the reader’s knee, kissing her hand, getting caught staring and stunned her beauty, spooning, hugging from behind anything I just want soft romantic carol. Please write it at your own time, I hope you have a great 2020!

A/N: aww thanks. And I edited the request slightly so Carol does all of these things but because she came back from a mission and is super clingy. I really hope that’s okay I just needed a little backstory for it, anyway here:

“Carol here!!” You shouted, waving your cardboard sign above your head as Carol walked over to you.

Carol had just come back from a mission and decided to take public transport instead of Tony’s jets just for the fun of it. So, you, her girlfriend had come to pick her up.

You wore your fav/color t shirt and navy jeans with white adidas. Completely casual. Carol wore a black tank top, signature brown leather jacket and navy jeans with black sneakers. Somehow she managed to look even better with her aviators on top of her head.

Her eyes lit up instantly as she saw you. She ran over to you quickly and hugged you, leaving the suitcase behind. The hug knocked the air out of you and almost made you fall over.

“I missed you too,” you croaked as carol tightened her grip slightly, aviators almost falling off her head as she breathed in your scent. “But you’re suffocating me Car.” You said, carol chuckled slightly then pulled away, grinning.

“I did miss you a lot though y/n.” She said softly, taking her suitcase in one hand and your hand in the other as you walked out towards your car. “Wait what does that sign say?” She asked, you tried to hide the sign with a small smile on your face.

“It says carol.” You stated, trying to hide the sign.

“Y/n?” She asked, you looked at her, she had raised her eyebrows and was looking at you skeptically. “The sign.” She demanded.

You showed her the sign with a small sign on your face as you reached your car. It had Stargirl Danvers written on a white piece of cardboard in all caps with red and blue surrounding it. You expected her to be slightly pissed but she just grinned instead.

She lifted up the hand she was holding and gently kissed the top of it as you opened your car. You felt heat come to your face at the action.

“I love it.” She said, then let go of your hand and headed towards the driver's seat.

“Wait, you, uh you want to drive?” You asked, still flustered at the sudden show of affection.

“Yes I want to drive.” She said after loading her suitcase in the trunk. Then after seeing your worried expression added “I can fly relax, I’ve driven before.” She reassured you and got in. You sighed and got in as she started the car.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Turns out carol was an even better driver than you thought. A bit rash for sure, she even yelled at someone mid sentence for cutting her off. But still, better than you.

Throughout the journey to your house, she told you about the exhausted and unnecessary prolonged mission. Once she got the hang of the car, she rested one hand on your knee as she drove.

“Stargirl don’t you dare crash my car.” You said, flustered again at the sudden action. She laughed slightly at your concern, then rubbed your knee slightly.

“Don’t worry, we'll be fine.” She said, smirking at you as she looked over to you.

Then she immediately looked back towards the road as she continued rubbing your knee. You could feel the heat radiate off her hand as it was set on your knee. She rubbed it occasionally as you spoke or just whenever. It felt nice, all the affection carol was giving you, it felt great actually.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

She pulled into the driveway and sighed happily, glad to finally be home. Carol loved the feeling of coming home to your shared house, it felt better than anything. It wasn’t like the freedom of flying, or the adrenaline rush, it was a comfort, a rarely felt but nevertheless an amazing comfort.

“Let’s go inside,” you said after an awkward silence. She looked at you then got out of the car.

You went to the trunk to try to get her suitcase but it was impossible heavy. You tried twice before you noticed carol was staring at you with a cocky grin.

“Need help babe?” She asked. You rolled your eyes and tried to lift it up again, succeeding this time.

But the suitcase was heavier than you thought and it fell on you. You fell into carol. Carol managed to pick up both, you and her suitcase easily and started to carry you inside as you kicked the trunk shut.

“Carolllll I can walk.” You whined, squirming in her arms with the suitcase on top of you. The suitcase was practically crushing you.

Carol set you down, the suitcase dropping on the ground as you gasped for air. You glared at her and opened the door as she laughed a little.

You walked in, expecting carol to follow. She picked up her suitcase and followed you in. Carol almost dropped it at the sight, everything was right where she’d left it. It was almost like nothing had changed. It was a bit surprising and almost overwhelming.

“Carol you good?” You questioned after no response. She looked around with wide, watery eyes and then looked at you with a soft smile.

“Of course,” she said, then stepped forward to engulf you in a warm hug. “I’m home.” She murmured into your shoulder.  she murmured into your shoulder where her head currently reste.

You wrapped your arms around her as well, heat returning to your cheeks at her words. Carol’s head rested in the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent, the scent of home. You stood with your arms wrapped around Carol as she squeezed you slightly. You loved the feeling of her finally coming back home to you. You missed her.

As much as you wanted the moment to last forever, your stomach growled loudly. You chuckled slightly at the absolutely AMAZING timing. You had forgotten to eat lunch in your excitement to finally bring Carol home, though you’d never admit this to her.

“Someone’s hungry,” Carol said, pulling away with a soft smirk on her face. You nodded, and then reluctantly pulled away, missing her warmth.

You took her hand and led her to the kitchen where you were hoping the two of you would cook something. But Carol needed to shower and clean up before.

“Carol you should go shower, I’ll make something to eat,” You said, taking a large pan out to make pasta. Carol continued smiling almost dreamily at you. “Earth to stargirl,” You joked, snapping your free hand in front of her face. She snapped out of her trance then nodded, you giggled at her reaction as she went upstairs.

“Don’t burn it!” You heard her yell from upstairs and laughed slightly.

After chopping up some salami, bell peppers, mushrooms and olives, you put on some music on your speaker and started singing a bit. The pasta was cooked, you dumped it into the large pan to mix, humming softly to yourself the tune of ‘Graveyard’ by Halsey as you cooked.

Carol came out of the shower, hair dripping wet as she towel dried it with one hand. She stepped out of the shower with only a towel covering herself. She headed to the closet and skipped over her clothes, deciding to wear yours instead. She wore one of her old short sleeve t-shirts, your hoodie and sweatpants paired with it.

While she was putting on her clothes, she heard some sounds. She stopped with the hoodie half-way on to listen. It sounded like you singing. She smiled, sitting on the bed and listening to you sing for a song. She loved the feeling of being home more than anything. Carol looked around the room to find nothing had changed since she left. She had been gone for almost a week but it still looked like nothing had changed.

Though it never showed, her worst fears were often related to you. She dreaded the thought of coming to the house only to have the door opened by someone else. She hated the thought of you breaking up with her. It tore her apart to think you could get hurt because of her. You were the most important thing to her, you were her home, and she would do anything to keep you close.

Carol shook the thoughts out of her head after smelling pasta and headed downstairs hungrily. She saw you singing as you mixed the pasta and sauce together and decided to sneak up behind you as soon as it was safe.

As you were mixing, you didn’t hear Carol sneak up behind you and continued singing. Carol wrapped her arms around your waist from behind you, resting her head against your shoulders. You almost jumped at the sudden contact. When you realized it was Carol, you stopped singing, smiled softly to yourself and hummed softly to yourself.

“Noo I like you singing,” She said, turning her head so her chin was in between your shoulder blades.

“Someone’s clingy today,” You said quietly, not that you minded of course.  

“I just missed you a lot,” She said, pulling away and resting one elbow on the counter as she looked at you with a small smirk.

“I missed you too,” You replied through your blush.

“I was talking to the pasta,” She joked, then tried to poke a fork in it to try it. You batted her hand away as you laughed. She pouted at you, you then scooped some of the pasta onto plates and handed one to her, guiding her to the couch in front of the TV.

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The pasta had been eaten hours ago, but neither of you really wante to move. This was your 10th episode of stranger things. You got tired but didn’t really want to sleep yet and leaned your head on Carol’s shoulder. She instead, lied down with her head on the armrest, she tried to pull you on top of her but you decided to lay down in front of her. She whined at the loss of contact but then wrapped her arms around both sides of your waist, snuggling into you as she rested her head in your hair.

She spooned you tightly as you watcfed the show. She wasn’t even interested anymore, she wanted to cuddle with you and it didn’t matter what you were doing. Carol knew she was being clingy but, after being on her own for about a week, she got homesick.

Carol was thinking of inviting you to come with her to the compound next time she went. She started daydreaming about what would happen if you came. Eventually, those daydreams turned into normal dreams as she fell asleep, finally home.

Growing Pains - Chapter Fifteen - Wish Tree

Victor sat me on my bed, carefully, kneeling on the floor and taking my foot in my hands.

“It doesn’t look broken. Does it hurt when I do this?” Victor asked, rotating my ankle.

“I told you my foot is fine. Is this what all of that was about?” I asked coldly, referring to him insisting to carry me.

Victor raised his eyebrows.

“Are you mad? Why do you care what those people think?”

“Shouldn’t I? Aren’t you the one always telling me not to embarrass myself?”

Victor looked down, apparently lost in thought, absentmindedly massaging my foot in his hands. I remembered how he held me in my apartment, when I was falling apart. The anger miraculously vanished.

“The other day, in my apartment…” I started. “I’m sorry I dumped it all on you. It’s a heavy subject.”

Victor looked up to me, a touch of surprise in his eyes.

“You have nothing to apologize for.”

“It’s ok, I know that’s probably why you’ve been keeping your distance. It’s too much. It’s not the first time I had friends avoiding me because they didn’t know how to handle the subject. It’s hard to deal with, I get it. I actually don’t blame you.” I kept my expression and tone sweet and calm. I didn’t want him to feel guilty about it. However, as I looked in his eyes, I could see nothing but guilt.

“That’s… That’s not why.” Victor sighed. “The morning I saw you with Levi… And then when you asked me why I was there in the first place… It made me wonder if I have been forcing myself into your life.”

“Levi?” I frowned. “I told you before, I’m not that close to Levi. I haven’t even seen him since that morning.”

“He doesn’t know?” Victor seemed surprised.

“About my close encounter with Ted? No.”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“I didn’t need another person babying me. I have you already.” I feigned annoyance. Victor smiled.

“Why would you think you were forcing yourself into my life?” I looked him in the eyes. Victor sighed.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You mean the producer?” Victor’s eyes widened in surprise. “You know how gossip works.” I grimaced inside, wondering if he could track my words back to Goldman. But Victor was oblivious to that at the moment, his eyes low to the ground, a sad look on his face.

“Do you still love her?” I asked. Victor sat by my side on the bed, admiring the view through my window.

“She was an important and painful chapter in my life. And I did love her. I thought I wouldn’t ever love anyone else.” He paused, letting out a deep breath. “As far as I was concerned, she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with. It was fate, it was meant to be. No one else could take her place.”

“What went wrong?” I asked, already knowing the answer. But I wanted to hear it from him. See how invested he still was in his past.

“Nothing went wrong, exactly, because we had no relationship to begin with. Every time I would imply something more serious, she would blush or act embarrassed, and somehow I convinced myself it was because she was still very young and naïve. Truth is, it was all in my head. She had no problem dating another man and marrying him. I was the one forcing my way into her life, trying desperately to fit in there.”

“That must’ve been hard.” I felt like resting my head on his shoulders, give him some warmth. Obviously I didn’t.

“Yes. I wanted to be the one that would make her laugh, give her comfort, and it hurt to know that I wasn’t. It’s not that I have low self-esteem, but I know I am not an easy person.”

“Understatement of the year.” I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“Shut up.” I could see a faint smile trying to creep in. "Anyway, as time went by, I realized something.”

“What was that?”

“That I’m too stubborn for my own benefit. It dawned on me that, even though I did love her, or thought I did, I didn’t like her very much. She was a handful.”

“Well, some girls are high maintenance.” I quipped.

“Saying she was high maintenance would actually be the understatement of the year.” Victor chuckled. “She was extremely clumsy and innocent, always sticking her foot in her mouth, it was a disaster sometimes. And although I called it endearing, I hated it. To be honest, I think I created an image of perfection about her over the years and held on tight to it, but I didn’t stop to evaluate my feelings for her. I wanted so bad to reach the destination that I didn’t even care to see if I was enjoying the trip. And when I realized that, she simply slipped my mind.”

Even though Victor told me he didn’t love her anymore, I couldn’t help but feel jealous for the girl that was such a big chapter in his life.

“You must be tired from the flight. I should let you rest.” Victor cleared his throat, getting up. I felt my chest tighten. I missed him. I didn’t want him to leave.

“At what time should I meet you at the lobby?” I asked.

“Our visit to Mr. Mills orchard is scheduled to 10 am. Have a good rest. I'll see you at 9 am.”

“Victor?” I called, before he walked out the door.

“Yes?”

“For whatever it’s worth, you didn’t force yourself into my life. All the moments you were there, I wanted you there, even if sometimes I didn’t know it at first. And they wouldn’t be the same without you.” I mustered the courage to say.

Victor walked slowly to me. He bent down slightly and reached for my face, gently stroking my cheek.

“I mean it, I’m not saying it because…“ Because you showed me your fragile side, I thought.

“Thank you.” His hand was still on my face, tracing my jawline softly.

He seemed to hesitate for a moment. He tilted my head up and gave me a soft kiss on the forehead.

“Get some rest.” He looked me in the eyes, his expression one I couldn’t figure out. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched him walk out the door, my heart thumping hard in my chest.

 I woke up slowly the next morning, the rays of sunshine beautifully bathing my room. Unexpectedly, it was sunny outside. I looked at the clock, it was 8:20. I had overslept for 20 minutes.

I ran to shower and got dressed in record time. As I was leaving my room I was startled by Victor, standing right next to me, doing the exact same thing as I was.

“Where are you coming from?” I asked, surprised.

“Our rooms are adjacent. Didn’t you notice the locked door?”

“Actually, I was wondering what that door was for… Maybe a secret door to Narnia.” I said playfully, as we waited for the elevator.

“Narnia?” Victor frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“The Chronicles of Narnia? The movie?” Victor glared at me. “Ok, never mind.” I gave up.

“No heels today.” He looked down at my flats. “Wise choice.”

“We are visiting an orchard. I didn’t think it was wise. So, where are we getting breakfast?”

“I thought we could benefit from the sudden good weather and have breakfast outdoors. I know a great patisserie nearby. Are you ok to walk? Or do you need me to carry you?” Victor mocked.

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” I said, making Victor chuckle.

After breakfast, we drove to Mr. Mills orchard. The place was idyllic, beautiful trees still bearing the autumn colors in its leaves lining up on the sides of the road, and making infinite rows through the field. Mr. Mills greeted us like we were family, inviting us inside his manor, serving us tea and a fruit platter he made himself. Victor and Mr. Mills had a sort of odd familiarity with each other, like they knew each other for a long time, almost like they were good old friends. To make things even weirder, Mr. Mills addressed Victor as Boss.

“I was so happy when the Boss told me he would be bringing you here. Finally you get to visit my orchard.” Mr. Mills smiled widely at me.

“It’s a pleasure.” I smiled back. “Your orchard is beautiful.”

“Maybe next time the Boss can bring you during Spring or Summer, during harvest season. Sometimes tourists ask us to participate in the harvest, and enjoy our after-work parties.” Mr. Mills explained. “We are between harvests right now, just taking care of the land. We have already finished the last summer harvest, and are waiting for the winter harvest, for citrus fruits. Eating an orange right out from the tree is a whole new experience.”

“If Andrea wants to come, I’m more than happy to bring her.” Victor quipped. I blushed, not exactly sure why.

We took a tour through the orchard, and Mr. Mills explained to us how everything worked: how fruits were picked from the tree with love, so they wouldn’t turn ugly or oxidize as easily when cut, or how after each day of work there would be a small party to show gratitude to nature, among other little superstitions that brought color to the life in the orchard and, surprisingly enough, didn’t make Victor’s eyes roll.

Mr. Mills led us to a pond from which the whole orchard was watered. By the pond, there was a weeping willow tree, almost naked due to the season, with colored ribbons tied to its branches. I was amazed by the tree’s beauty, and curious about the ribbons.

“Who decorated the tree?” I ask, my heart jumping with curiosity. “It’s amazing.”

“People from the village, the workers. They call it a wish tree. I like to call it Hope Tree. The ribbons have words in it, if you take a closer look. They write a quote, a wish, a thought, something positive that they are thankful for or want to see more of in their lives, and tie it to the tree, to connect it with nature and bond it with their lives. To make it natural, in more meanings than one.”

My eyes widened when Mr. Mills extracted from his pocket two purple ribbons.

“I would be honored if the Boss and you left a message on the tree. Anything you want, as long as its coming from your soul.” He handed a pen and a ribbon to Victor. When he gave me the same similar items, his hand lingered in mine.

“Do you know the meaning of purple, Miss Jones?” He smiled meaningfully.

“No, not really.” I grimaced.

“It can mean many things, actually. Purple is considered the color of strength, but not the strength that comes from here” Mr. Mills touched my arm. “But from here.” He touched my chest. “Also is the mix of two colors, red, that is a bridal color, and also means good luck, and blue, that represents growth and healing. Can you understand the message?”

“You wish me to heal, to grow and to love?” I smiled.

“You are very bright, Miss Jones. In more meanings than one.” Mr. Mills squeezed my hand. “Now don’t let an old man stop you. Go write your wish and tie it to that tree.” Mr. Mills said, pointing to a stone table with benches near the tree.

I sat and looked at my ribbon, pen in hand, wondering what I was going to write. I decided on a quote I read online. I took the pen and started writing on my ribbon.

“What are you going to write on your ribbon?” Victor asked, already done with his.

“I’m not telling you. It’s personal.” I joked, hiding my ribbon with my arm.

“Aren’t curious to know what I’ve written?”

“I am, but I’m not going to ask you because I know it’s probably personal.” I said, glaring at him.

“Fine, I won’t ask anymore. I’m going to tie mine to the tree so you won’t see where it is.” He joked.

I read my ribbon. It said: When surrounded by darkness, may you find the light in yourself.

I walked to the tree and, to my disappointment, noticed that the lowest branches had no space left for my ribbon.

“I can lift you, if you want.” I heard the low voice mocking me. I felt like sticking  my tongue out, but he was right. I could use his help.

“You don’t mind?” I asked casually, like having the CEO carrying me once again was the most natural thing in the world. It wasn’t.

He stood in front of me and bent his knees to make himself slightly shorter than me.

“Grab my shoulders to steady yourself.”

I supported myself on top of his shoulders and he lifted me with ease, grabbing the back of my knees, as I tied my ribbon to the closest tall branch.

“I need just a second more. Don’t let go of me, ok?” I warned, as I struggled with the ribbon.

“Never.” He spoke softly.

After I was done, he loosened his grip on my legs, making me slowly slide down, using his body as support. We stood like that for a moment, looking in each other’s eyes, our bodies touching.

“Thanks.” I broke eye contact, so I wouldn’t give in temptation and kiss him.

The trip to the hotel was a silent one. Victor was probably tired, and I had this whirlwind of emotions inside that I was trying to keep at bay. The last hours had been a beautiful experience with Victor, and it was almost over, since the following day I was flying back to Loveland. And for a minute I left myself wonder if these moments meant to Victor as much as they meant to me.

“What are you doing tonight?” Victor broke the silence.

“Well, if you have nothing else for me to do, pretty much pack and sleep.”

Victor was silent for a moment.

“Come have dinner with me.”

“Sure. What time should I meet you?”

“No. I don’t mean for work. I’m not asking you as your boss.”

I didn’t know what to say. Victor’s expression fell slightly.

“You are allowed to say no if you don’t want to.” His voice felt tired again.

“What if I don’t want to say no?” I smiled at Victor. He smiled back.

“I’ll pick you up at seven.”

I’m Fine! (Colby Brock Imagine)

Hey guys! This was sort of requested by @sp00kybrock so I hope that it’s good for you. I had a lot of fun writing this so let me know what you think and requests are open!

——————————————————————————

“Are you ready?” he asked you before he got out of the car. You looked at him, admittedly a little terrified.

“Do I even have the option to say no?” you replied, making him laugh as you both got out the car. Colby took you towards the trunk and set his camera up. You walked and stood beside him as he hit record.

“What’s up guys it’s Colby Brock here with my amazing, wonderful, spectacular girlfriend (Y/N) and we are here today to do some exploring.” You blushed slightly as he gushed over you and made you feel special. “Today we are here to explore an abandoned hospital,” Colby says and begins to explain the video. You guys had been prepping for this for a couple of days and you were excited to go but you were nervous as well. You didn’t tend to go on too many exploration videos, but Colby had pleaded with you to go with him, so you did.

He wrapped up his intro and then held his hand out to you. You took it as you started walking along a deserted road. It wasn’t dark out yet, so you guys should have plenty of time to explore and come back. You were both laughing and sometimes singing and then you finally made it to the building.

This place looked creepy. It was pretty tall, with maybe five or six floors. It was gray on the outside and you could see some fit from the gaping holes on the wall. You weren’t sure how long the place had been abandoned, but you thought it had to be closed for at least ten years. There was graffiti in many different colors all over the walls and what you could see of the floors.

Colby turned to you and smiled. “Ready to put the masks on?” You both slid your masks over your face and took a few pictures for your Instagram. Colby climbed through the hole in the fence almost effortlessly and you went after him with less grace. You walked and Colby went through the front first after checking for any security.

You went behind him and as soon as you walked in, you tripped. Your hands made a slapping sound against the concrete. Great.

Colby rushes over and helps you up. “Are you okay?” You could bear the concern in his voice.

“I’m fine!” you reply and you dust yourself off. You can hear Colby chuckle from beside you.

“I love you, clumsy,” he says. You playfully shove him and you roll your eyes. You look around at your surrounding and you’re amazed. It’s completely empty. It’s not dark because the light is pouring in through the holes in the walls. It showed some of the beautiful artwork on the floors. Colby pulled you away from your thoughts and showed you around. You guys walked around and walked into some abandoned rooms.

You turned and you ran right into the corner of a counter top. Colby looked at you and raised an eyebrow.

“I’m fine!” you repeat and walked around. There was a metal table towards the side of the room with some cabinets that were falling apart and some countertops with peeling laminate. You walked and ran your hands over the cool metal in the table. You heard Colby set the camera down and then you felt his hands on your hips.

“You know,” he said, mumbling in your ear, “you could lay back in the table. Maybe you need an examination,” he said, trailing his fingers down your side. You spin around so you could face him and you took his face in both your hands.

“Colby, I love you, but if you think that I’m gonna lay on this nasty, abandoned, old table just to have some fun then you are wrong,” you say and walk away. You hear him groan from behind you and you laugh, just as you run into the wall.

“I’m fine!” you yell exasperatedly before he can ask if you’re okay. You didn’t know why you kept hurting yourself, but you knew it couldn’t be good for an exploration video. You were determined to truck it through anyway.

You walked around the floors for a little longer and then Colby decided to go to the roof. You ran into more tables and chairs, tripped while going up the stairs, and fell over backwards while you looked at the ceiling. You yelled “I’m fine!” each time and hopped up and kept going. You knew you were gonna have some bruises in the morning.

Somehow, you made it to the roof without any more injuries. You got to the roof and you looked around at the view. You could see more of the city and the cars going by but they had do clue you existed. It was a strange yet wonderful feeling.

Suddenly, a gust of wind blew last at you were knocked to the floor. Colby practically dove on top of you to keep you from rolling of the roof.

“I’m-“ but Colby’s hand went over your mouth before you could finish.

“Don’t say it,” he snapped and looked at you. He slowly moved his hand from your mouth and he sighed. “You know, you could’ve almost died? You may be fine, but I’m not. I’m sure I’ve got enough footage, let’s just go home.”

Colby got up and didn’t let go of you as you walked down the hall to get to the stairwell. You walked straight down but you saw some of the stairs crumbling as you made your way down. You made it to the second floor before you told Colby you didn’t feel safe going down the stairs. You looked out and saw a fire escape at the end of the hallway. The only problem was the hole in the middle of the floor. You figured you would take your chances with the hole and you started to walk that way.

“I’m jumping first,” Colby said and looked at you. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and he leaped over with ease. Now it was your turn. You got in your running stance and sprinted as fast as you could. You pushed off of the one side and stretched to reach the other side. Your foot made contact, but it slipped and you were free falling. You saw the look of panic on Colby’s face and then you shut your eyes as you fell. You landed on your butt and a jarring pain went up on your back.

“Owwwww!” you moaned from the first floor. You saw Colby’s head poke over from the hole above. He then sprints to come down and you hear his footsteps echo off the concrete. He appears at your side moments later and his face is panic-stricken. He runs his hands over you, checking for any hurt spots.

“I’m fine!” you say with a smile and hold your hands up.

“I swear if you say that one more time,” he threatened with and angry look. He stood up and looked down at you. “Since you can’t be trusted to walk anymore, I’m giving you a piggy back ride until we get to the car. Then we’re going to a hospital.”

“Why go to a hospital when we’re already in one?” you joke, trying to lighten the mood.

“If you weren’t hurt right now you’d be paying for that,” he said and helped you up. He got down and he helped you up. He loaded you on his back and you winced when you wrapped your legs around him. You decided not to say anything and you just buried your face in his neck. He brought you to the fence and set you down so you could both climb through. Just as he promised, Colby carried you all the way to the car and he helped you get in. He didn’t say anything as he drove, he just squeezed your hand tightly.

“What’s wrong?” you ask him as he drives.

He looks over at you with sad eyes. “I didn’t really think you were that clumsy, but I still shouldn’t have pushed you to do it. You would’ve been alright if you just hadn’t gone.”

You use your free hand and stroke his cheek. “Listen, believe it or not, I had a lot of fun going with you and I would’ve been upset if I had stayed home. And I’m gonna be f-“

“I swear if you say that one more time I will crash this car right now.”

“I’m going to be okay. Just don’t worry about it,” you say. He sighs and throws his head back against the headrest and you rub his knuckles. “And,” you add after a moment of silence, “the doctor might need a second opinion or a follow up examination,” you say with a wink. He laughs and you lean over and kissed his cheek.

“I guess that you’re okay after all,” he says and smiles.

glade playlist

got two likes on my post so that’s literally 20% of my readership saying hell yeah fuck yeah glade playlist. i am a servant to the masses. here it is, w descriptions under the cut.

some warnings: don’t expect this to be good. this is Vibes Only and an excuse to talk about Him. the order of the songs tells no story and thus does no sin. skip the songs you don’t like because it makes no difference at all.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ZJRrektFybq9vksjnWGnh?si=jhSi_lBeThqaB74HO1UrQA

1. Above The Clouds Of Pompeii by Bear’s Den

Just don't cry Hold your head up high She would want you to She would want you to You said stay in the car and wait There's just some things I have to say Don't you know I miss her, too I miss her just as much as you So my father and my son As you end what she's begun You'll lie patient by her side With roses red come lilies white

this came from a magnus/julia playlist originally and it fucks, but it’s more here for the Vibes than anything else. if I had to explain it, I’d say this is immediately post like. lent coming home and telling glade that she doesn’t remember anything about him. this is the vibes of red being down for her nap, blissfully unaware that the motherfuckers have left and glade sitting down heavily on the couch of the home they shared and finally, tiredly, burying his face in his hands as he processes the fact that when lent first saw him, there wasn’t a spark of recognition in her eyes, and how much that hurts even if she’s promised to come back to him anyway. thats the vibes.

2. Best Intentions by Hodera

I guess we'll just stop talking then We can forget this ever happened 'Cause it's obvious I can't just be your friend I'm going in circles 'cause I only have one paddle out here alone Got back to shore 'bout 2AM I grabbed your jacket on the boat dock And I pulled you in and we kissed It was so dark, I found your lips Only because I felt your breath I know that soon I will be fine You left this void the size of pines lake Now I'm filling it up one cup at a time And if I knew that was the last time I'd see you I might have said Hey Mary, that was one crazy summer I know after this we'll never see each other I'm old enough now to know nothing lasts forever The only thing I ask is please Remember every detail of this moment Because once you close that door you'll never see me And some day you might remember When we drove out to the lake And stole a boat to see the moon eclipse go by

this one is a break up song so it’s here for the Vibes. i’ve kind of been envisioning this as the song glade would have written/sung if lent decided that she’d rather have amaunator than him, when he told her that he was a criminal. it’s about a summer romance that didn’t go far enough, and it fucks majorly, and it comes from a universe just a little bit to the left, where glade and hymn met but never actually took all the steps glade and lent did.

3. New Religion by The Heydaze

A city of strangers, the streetlights, they change us We all need a little bit more, we all need a little bit more The saints and the liars, the dealers and buyers We all need a little bit more, we all need a little bit more But somewhere there's a light A sign that it's alright I find it by your side People get lost in repetition Working and watching television Hard to wake up in the morning It's hard to wake up in the morning I'm watching you dancing in the kitchen I could call you my new religion You're waking me up in the morning You're waking me up in the morning, yeah

IF YOU LISTEN TO NO OTHER SONG FROM THIS PLAYLIST. LISTEN TO THIS ONE. sometimes I listen to this song and I get stuck in a loop where it’s the only music anyone has ever listened to because I love this song so much. anyway this is a REALLY good gladelent song. Vibes of them falling in love that first time, and lent’s recovery when she’s started getting her sight back, probably after she takes relentless as her next virtue name, and glade finding her dancing and singing to herself in the kitchen they now share, and just watching and loving her so much because he forgot how good it was to see her happy.

4. Gray Flowers by The Gray Havens

They cried, We told you stay away, From that crazy color, Turn around if you don't we'll break you, And you don't have anyone to save you, He said, She needs me to stay, Cuz gray can take her sorrow, So I will die tonight so she will know, That gray will stay in the color-code, For my love I will die you know, But before I do let the record show, That I brought her flowers every day, And she loved them, She loved me she'd never felt that way, So if you feel you need some gray, That's ok child, cuz you know you've just got to Ask, And I'll come back

this ones about love transforming a society around them. idk i like it. the townspeople who hate the color gray are the crownsguard @ gladelent. is that anything??? who cares not me it’s on Here one way or another!

5. Two by Sleeping At Last

I know exactly how the rule goes Put my mask on first No, I don't want to talk about myself Tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up 'Til you're good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too I don't even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached And what a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you up

this one is about loving someone despite not loving yourself quite yet and like. it’s a good one for pre-fall gladelent. glade was a squatter and a thief trying to provide for himself; he wasn’t exactly his own biggest fan, but love happens when you aren’t expecting it sometimes, and There He Was, head over heels for a woman who could have been (and should have been) arresting him. it is simply. a good love story.

6. Ezra by Becca VanDerbeck

Someday you'll find a Place where you belong Somewhere to settle down and plant Your roots, and grow up strong Oh, I hope that you'll remember all My silly little songs Honey, please remember these Few things in all you do Won't you always love your neighbor Wear a smile, and tell the truth Don't be scared of what you don't know And don't be afraid to lose Cause there’s a lesson there for Learnin', there's a lesson if you choose Oh and listen, kid, I promise I will Always see you through Cause Ezra, I love you, I love you, I do Oh Ezra, I love you, I love you, I do Ezra, I love you, I love you, I do

this is a glade and red song. i actually sing it as “red, girl, I love you, I love you, I do” bc I so strongly associate it with Them. it’s just a good, sweet song! glade dances red around the living room while singing it and she babbles along and maybe she sings it at him when she wants to be danced, because she’s a baby with both fangs and tusks and its SO hard to use words but humming a vague melody and clapping at your daddy gets you what you want so why would you Talk? smh. (someone needs to stop me before i get really emo about this tradition continuing into red’s childhood and adolescence and how when she’s upset glade will hum it to her when he hugs her and uh oh..... misty about this now................. they are a Fambly.........) all his kids get their own songs but reds song is Special, I think, in this way.

7. Black Coffee Morning by Bluebiird

Just too tall to comfort Just too big to hold But I'll fit you inside my future At least that's the lie we told And it's a black coffee morning on the east side And I'm singing all the time today Cause you're saying that you love me with your big eyes But your words don't come out that way Oh, play it again for me Big bright moon in the sky And give me one more night with my baby And that'll be alright

this is a little bit of a bitter one, as the name including black coffee implies. I imagine this one as a vibes of, “my wife went out to adventure again and I haven’t seen her in three weeks as a consequence.” like does he respect that lent has a ton of wanderlust? yeah. does he wish she’d stay home safe with him so he never has to worry when he goes a few days between Sendings from raini whether she’s alive or dead? also yeah. this is the song that plays the morning after lent left for hell, after two years of being not quite satisfied with retirement. this is the song that glade wakes up to, his bed empty, because they have an agreement now that lent sneaks out rather than glade potentially having to say goodbye for a Last Time. this is red babbling questioningly at him when mama hasn’t been home in hours and glade picking her up and singing to her rather than answering.

8. Band of Gold by The Gray Havens

I'm never get'n over you No I never will be over you Yes I threw away the key That bound my heart to yours To the bottom of the sea I don't need it anymore No there's no turn'n back for us There's only movin' forward Cuz this love is a band of gold When the fire's burn'n and When the embers feel cold So when I hold you in my arms I hope you know That this love is a band of gold

note: did NOT know i had two songs by the same guys on here! nice going gray havens. this is a good marriage song. that’s the vibes of this one. staying together through thick and thin, waking up and choosing to love that one person every single day, smiling down at your wedding ring even when they’re not around you for the symbol and reminder that they love you just as much, that they made that same commitment.

9. Farther Along by Josh Garrels

There's so much more to life than we've been told It's full of beauty that will unfold And shine like you struck gold my wayward son That deadweight burden weighs a ton I go down to the river and let it run Wash away all the things you've done Forgiveness alright Farther along we'll know all about it Farther along we'll understand why So cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine We'll understand this, all by and by, oh yeah

so, full disclosure, some of these songs came from my godfucking/religious trauma playlist. this is one of these songs. as such it’s? more of a Vibe than the other songs. it only kinda fits as a song of faith that things will get better even if you don’t understand why they are the way they are right now. I think of it as like. kind of glade’s relationship with faith? he hopes it’s all for a reason, that one day he’ll understand why bad shit is happening, but he doesn’t have a lot of faith in any actual god. but mostly this is just vibes.

10. How To Be Yours by Chris Renzema

You say that you love me, don't say that you love me 'Cause I don't know how to be yours You say that you want me, don't say that you want me 'Cause I don't know how to be yours I still act like an orphan I guess And my hard heart breaks to confess That even while you hold me As I cry on the floor I still don't know how to be yours So love me or hate me I'm not going anywhere Leave me or take me You still bear my signature Know me or not Seen or forgot I'm not walking out on you

lent and glade are both orphans and this is the song about doubting the love that comes your way even when you’ve not necessarily been given a reason to. it’s sung both by the doubter and the person refusing to leave them just because of that, and I think it’s nice! glade and his doubts, come amnesiac lent, that she will actually want to stay with him once she has her grace back with amaunator, and lent and her doubts, post fall, that he’ll stay with her now that she’s no longer good or righteous, now that she no longer deserves the name hymn.

11. Take Me To Church by Hozier

My lover's got humor She's the giggle at a funeral Knows everybody's disapproval I should've worshiped her sooner If the Heavens ever did speak She's the last true mouthpiece Every Sunday's getting more bleak A fresh poison each week "We were born sick", you heard them say it My church offers no absolutes She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom" The only Heaven I'll be sent to Is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well A-, Amen, Amen, Amen Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life Take me to church I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife Offer me that deathless death Good God, let me give you my life

obligatory hozier song. it’s horny and it’s religiously themed. this is also from my godfucking/religious trauma playlists. there’s not a whole lot to say here except that I wanted some hozier on this playlist bc glades og design/concept was “half orc hozier” and take me to church slaps. next song.

12. Belly of the Deepest Love by Tow’rs

The beats of hammers felt like drums of war Killed for the words you swore From the belly of the deepest love, The hills trembling throats sing hallelujah Like the flowers on a dogwood tree Blush with blame you took for me Oh how you wish to be with me Oh how you wish to be with me Do you remember seeing the man Covered by the same blood he damned Join the song with the sky in the darkest hour I need something to hold on to Stronger than the iron that held you Louder than the roar of the crowd that day

I think this one is pretty immediately post lent’s fall too. it’s got jesus imagery in there but I think that fits. this one doesn’t have a whole lot behind it except for post fall vibes.

13. One Jump Ahead by Brad Kane

Gotta keep One jump ahead of the breadline One swing ahead of the sword I steal only what I can't afford (That's Everything!) One jump ahead of the lawmen That's all, and that's no joke These guys don't appreciate I'm broke

this is a fun little song about scoundrel!glade! I thought it fit nicely and also it makes me think about the Aladdin au slash novel Lex and I have where glade lifts something valuable (her holy symbol I think?) off of lent and shows it to her and basically says, “I’ll just keep this so I know you’ll come see me next time” intending it to be a tease and then her gripping her sword hilt and holding her hand out with this fake smile and going “or you’ll give it back Now” (because she Can’t let him get away with that) and him going “or I can give it back now! great idea!” he really Thot it would go over better. but it’s okay bc they fell in love anyway.

14. Karma by AJR

I've been so good, I've been helpful and friendly I've been so good, why am I feeling empty? I've been so good, I've been so good this year I've been so good, but it's still getting harder I've been so good, where the hell is the karma? I've been so good, I've been so good this year Time, I know we're out of time But what if sad thoughts come and I can't stop it Bye, I don't wanna say bye If only I could keep you in my pocket To give me some diagnosis of why I'm so hollow Please give me instructions, I promise I'll follow I tripped on my ankle and fractured my elbow But doesn't that mean that the tour's gonna sell though? I try to explain the good faith that's been wasted But after an hour it sounds like complaining Wait don't go away, can I lie here forever? You say that I'm better, why don't I feel better? The universe works in mysterious ways But I'm starting to think it ain't working for me Doctor, should I be good? Should I be good this year?

similar vibes to farther along but much less hopeful and more desperate while still trying to sound like an upbeat song. this is glade telling amaunator off for letting lent go when she is nothing but Good. this is glade when he’s still a thief, going hungry because he fed his sister tonight rather than himself, asking whatever god might be listening why it was them who were punished with this because they weren’t doing anything wrong. this is glade setting the table for the motherfuckers, smiling even though it’s immediately post lent’s rez ritual, because they were the ones who actually saw her die, not him, and they’re good people who need to catch a break so here he is, getting them to joke and laugh with him while lent sleeps off her resurrection sickness in the other room.

Heaven-Sent

Summary: When your marriage falls apart before it even starts, you set off to Atlanta for a new beginning. You decide to face your fear of skydiving. Your guide? Jung Jaehyun. 

Multi-part series: Part 1 - Part 2 Preview - More Coming Soon

Part 1

Word Count: 2,931 words

You were preparing for the best day of your life so far. You were marrying the man of your dreams come to life. He was everything to you. He was your reality. He was your escape from the other realities you wish you didn’t have to carry with you.

But then.

It all happened so quickly.

You walking down the aisle to the altar. The flashes of cameras. The look on Chanyeol’s face when you lifted your veil and there was no trace of warmth on his face.

There was nothing there.

You’ve never seen him like this before.

It was as if someone who looked a lot like your fiancé was standing in for your fiancé.

Maybe it was the nerves, you told yourself. Maybe he was stunned by how beautiful you looked.

You felt and knew how lovely you looked that day. For the first time, you were truly happy and aware of your beauty.

The priest began, “We are gathered here today to witness the union of Park Chanyeol and Y/N.”

You smiled at Chanyeol. His gaze shifted away from you and out to the crowd.

What was going on?

The priest continued with the motions and when it came time to recite your vows, Chanyeol was up first.

“We’ll begin with the groom,” the priest said.

“Y/N, the brightest star in my galaxy, I-“ Chanyeol forced himself but halted.

You froze.

The pews of the grand church fell into silence.

Chanyeol looked into the crowd again. You chose to follow his gaze to see a woman in a cream colored dress that almost dared to be white. Her long black hair and bangs were straight as a pin. She was otherworldly.

She looked pleadingly at Chanyeol, you noticed.

And then she saw that you caught on. And, at long last, she looked guilty.

“Chanyeol,” you started.

Chanyeol was caught red handed. But why, you tortured yourself as you wondered. What did he do, you tormented yourself. What could he have done to warrant such a look of shame on his face?

He forced himself to look at you. “Y/N, I am so so sorry. I can’t do this.”

Everything that followed happened even quicker. Chanyeol running down the aisle. The black haired woman meeting him at the door. Him opening the door for her. Her running out. And him following after her.

Never looking back.

No remorse.

He was gone.

You had your back straight and head held high. The crowd was in chaos. Your mother wailed from her pew. Your father was controlling your wailing infant half-sister. Your closest friends were in different parts of the globe and couldn’t make it for your big day, which made you wonder if you had any real friends at all.

Who could you turn to, then?

So you ran. You ran back to the dressing room. Changed into your favorite Shinee tee and most comfortable pair of jeans and a pair of brown cowboy boots.

You didn’t shed a tear. Not just yet. You could hear people in the hallway coming to find you but for what? Most of the people at the wedding were here for  Chanyeol, anyway. Your bridal party was Chanyeol’s sister, Yoora and her friends. She was the designated maid of honor. But now everything felt like a lie. An obligation.

“I can’t believe that Seulgi,” you heard one of the bridesmaids say.

You heard knocks at the door.

“Y/N,” Yoora called out. “Are you alright?”

Was she for real?

You didn’t answer.

“Y/N. I know you’re in there. I can send the girls away if you want it to just be me.”

Again, you said nothing. You found your bag and debated how you would escape without anyone trying to bullshit a conversation with you. You really had nothing to say to anyone at this place.

You looked at the window hidden behind the elegant curtains and unhooked the latches. You jumped out the window with your bag and ran to the parking lot to get in your Jeep Cherokee. You drove the hell out of there. Not bothering to look back at what you left behind.

π

Thank goodness you and Chanyeol hadn’t moved in together yet. Otherwise, where could you have gone now?

You recalled how upset you were when he refused to move in with you or you with him. How could you not have noticed his hesitation? What he had to hide?

You sighed. Your phone was ringing nonstop that you put it on silent. You had missed calls from Mom, Yoora, and Mrs. Park. None from Dad.

You checked your texts, only paying attention to your mom’s.

Mom: I hope it’s okay. I took your plane tickets and decided to take the trip with Terrence. That piece of shit Chanyeol is paying every cent for this.”

Was that supposed to make you feel better?

You only stared at your mother’s message. You weren’t that shocked, truthfully. Your mother was a selfish woman that loved herself more than she loved her own child. She had no grace or delicate touch in all of the years she raised you. It’s no wonder Dad left her and remarried and in the process, let you become an afterthought. It’s no wonder you were so gullible when it came to Chanyeol.

You clenched your fists. All Chanyeol had to do was say the right words and he had you. But deep down, you knew it wasn’t love he had for you.

You wanted to believe it. So desperately. That you could have a happy ending. After all of the years of shortcomings and heartbreak in your family.

But why play you the way he did? Why go through with any of this?

Chanyeol was a fucking coward. Seulgi had the nerve to look ashamed when she was a show runner for your wedding gone to shit.  

You went from shock to anger. And then, the sadness came up from underneath it all and you cried. You cried for hours, curled up on your couch in the living room. You played your favorite crying song because any sane person had a crying song. You cried until you couldn’t cry anymore.

But it seemed like the tears were endless.

You went up to the rooftop of your apartment building and took refuge in seeing the city lights. The sun was setting. It was your favorite part of the day and you felt some relief from the travesty of this day.

You took some deep breaths and found some of the pain in your chest fading. At least for now.

Your life wasn’t over, you told yourself. You had a lot going for you. You were young. Had a successful job as a concert promoter. You could leave Los Angeles. Start over.

And so that was what you did.

π

1 month later

You were settled in Atlanta. Burying yourself in work. Monsta X was your client, embarking on their fourth US tour. Everything was going seamlessly. The venues were cooperating with the company’s demands and specifications. The band’s schedule wasn’t crammed to the brim so the band was happy. The band performed well. Their company performed well. As the middle woman, you were doing well enough to keep your job. Some may say thrive.

You had some time before the band had to travel down to Miami for their promotions and their show. So you could unwind for a bit until then.

Your co-worker Ally joined you for lunch at a small Italian restaurant close to the State Farm arena.

“Y/N? I wanted to know if you’d be interested in skydiving,” Ally said.

You coughed. “What?”

“I take it you don’t like heights?” Ally asked.

You shook your head. “I’m afraid not.”

Ally sighed. “The thing is I had a session scheduled for tomorrow that I can’t go to. It’s too late to cancel it and I would hate for it to go to waste. I kinda figured you hated heights when you refused to go on the rides at Six Flags so I tried asking everyone. You’re my last resort.”

Your heart started racing. “I don’t know, Ally.”

Ally gave you the ticket anyway. “Look, go or don’t go. Maybe you can find someone else who’ll take it off your hands. Just take it. It’s yours now. Do what you want with it. Sound good?”

You nodded. You put your fingertips against the laminated piece of paper. You read the ticket.

Highway to Heaven and Back: Skydiving Expedition

You raised your eyebrows at it.

You thought about it. One moment you said yes. To try it. Feel something new. Get over one of your greatest fears. Feel something other than the perpetual loneliness and betrayal you felt every day.

The next moment you wanted to hide in your downtown apartment and order Chinese and watch Riverdale. For the fifth time.

You decided to throw caution to the wind and go.

π

The skydiving place was located in Upson County, an hour north of your apartment. It was a mini-airport and you could see a couple of small airplanes that were transporting skydivers.

You participated in the training session so you could know everything there was to know about the journey you were going to embark on. The instructor Mr. Davies taught you and the other initiates the do’s and don’ts. You learned about the steps to safely skydive. How to put your body in the correct freefall position. What to do in cases of emergencies. Operating the parachute after freefall. How to land. And to actually land.

You were thankful Ally bought the package that included an experienced instructor to be your guide. There was no way you were going to solo skydive. If you had to do it with a stranger, at least it would be with an experienced one. The stranger was paid to keep you alive. Not deterred completely from the experience, you thought you could actually do it.

You put on a red jumpsuit, a harness attached to the parachute, goggles, an altimeter, and a black helmet. Then, you and the other skydivers were partnered up with instructors.

“Y/N! Well...if it isn’t your lucky day, you’re going up with Jaehyun,” Mr. Davies said as he read out from his clipboard. “Get on over to plane 214! Jaehyun’s waiting for you there.”

You liked the feel of your shoes against the tarmac. You were more fond of the ground than ever, it seemed. You reached plane 214 and a man stepped off the plane with his forest green jumpsuit and skydiving gear. He had Ray-Ban Aviators on. He looked like he was ready for a reboot of Top Gun.

And so were you.

He made Chanyeol look like a before picture.

He smiled, blowing you away with his dimples. His dark brown hair was wavy and swayed gloriously against the wind. He was slender but you can tell he was well-built under his gear. His muscles protruded from the arms of his jumpsuit. 

Lord.

“Y/N?” He asked

“Yeah!” Well, that was the most alive you sounded since the rehearsal dinner.

“I’m Jaehyun, your instructor. We are going to get pretty close with each other in the next hour. So look forward to it!”

With a smile and voice like that, how could you not?

He shook your hand and you couldn’t explain it. You felt ease. Joy. Hope.

And not like you were about to fly 14,000 feet above the ground.

When he released your hand, those feelings didn’t fade. But they weren’t as pronounced as when you made physical contact with Jaehyun.

No need to get so excited, you told yourself.

Jaehyun got you up onto the plane and you fastened your seatbelt when you sat down. Jaehyun, much to your delight and nerves. sat across from you. You looked out the window and saw that you were ascending.

Oh my Lord.

You felt like a weight was on your chest. You gulped. You began to sweat profusely.  You had to catch your breath. Oh God don’t panic, please. You don’t want to panic. You don’t want this. Why can’t you do something bold for once? Why do you let yourself feel this way? Stop getting in your own way!

“Y/N?” Jaehyun frowned. He was worried. He inched forward and made eye contact with you.

“Look at me,” he said quietly.

“Jaehyun, I’m so sorry. I-I can’t do this. I can’t.” You sobbed. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. The nerves and the self-doubt were all at the forefront of your mind and you didn’t know how to make it stop.

“Y/N, give me your hands, please.” Jaehyun, while he looked anything less than calm, sounded so serene and sure of himself.

You gave him your hands and he squeezed them. “You can do this. I am right here with you. You’re not alone. We are in this together, okay?”

Those words. You would replay them multiple times after that day. He said all of the things you’ve longed to hear your whole life.

You sniffled. You wondered how your makeup must look and you shuddered. Well, that was a good sign. You were panicking about something else now.

Speaking of panic, the feeling began to fade. You felt the tranquility you did before when you shook Jaehyun’s hand.

“Breathe,” he said. “In. Out.” He did the breathing as well as he watched you.

“Thank you,” you said.

He smiled. “You’re not the first person to get like this.”

You continued, “I don’t know what comes over me. I’ve never liked heights but I thought maybe today could be the day that I could overcome it. At least confront it. I wanted to try. I do.”

Jaehyun was attentive to your words, your expressions, and everything about you. He could sense the pain you’ve endured. It was written in his eyes.

“I think today’s going to be the day, Y/N. Just wait and see.”

π

It was time.  

Jaehyun opened the exit door and your side bangs got into your eyes. The wind was intense and a little fucking scary. Jaehyun backed up and you got yourself in front of him. You both sat on the floor of the plane. He would be on your back as you guys jumped off.

You looked down. And oh, how you regretted it.

Everything was so small and far away. You felt even smaller.

You felt Jaehyun secure himself behind you. “Ready,” he said.

Jaehyun’s presence was calming. Was it enough to ease the fear completely? Hell, no. But the feel of his body against yours gave you the courage to jump.

And you did. Together.

You yelled. Holy shit. This was happening. You felt sorry for Jaehyun’s ears. Your freaking out turned into laughter.

“Oh my God!” You yelled.

Jaehyun laughed. “You got this!”

“I got this!”

Jaehyun cheered. He steered you guys as you descended.

You were flying. The most dreadful part of the experience was gone. The dread of what was to come. You were in the moment. You flailed your arms, thinking you were Peter Pan. You laughed and felt happy tears leave your eyes.

“Jaehyun!” You yelled.

“Yeah?!” He responded.

“Thank you!” He had no idea what he did for you. He went above and beyond and helped you face and even conquer your fear.

“You’re welcome!” He yelled back.

It was incredible. This had to be one of the best moments of your life. You remembered to give Ally the biggest hug when you saw her on Monday.

π

When you landed, you almost wanted to kiss the floor. The nerves never completely went away. Hey, you were human.

Unabashedly, Jaehyun gazed admiringly at you. He was so proud of you and even more overjoyed to see you happy for once.

You felt a surge of newfound confidence in you. Ask him to dinner, you told yourself. As a thank you. And if he wants it to be something more, roll with it. Because that’s what you really want.

You were about to approach Jaehyun, who was taking off his gear. He had accumulated a crowd of admirers in less than 15 seconds. It was to be expected.

One girl with a midriff and booty shorts was in his breathing space. Another girl had her phone out, taking pictures of him, like he was a pop idol. The rest of the girls just...looked at him. At a loss for words.

Relatable.

Your confidence dimmed a little. Maybe it was for the best that you left. You could’ve come on too strong if you asked him to dinner.

You grabbed your gear and stuffed it into your backpack and made your way back to the training center to return the gear to Mr. Davies.

“Y/N!” Jaehyun yelled.

You turned around and Jaehyun was running up to you with his bag.

“Let’s go back together,” he said.

“Won’t your fan club be disappointed?” You joked.

Jaehyun shook his head. Was he genuinely confused? “Fan club?”

“Don’t be so modest,” you said.

“I’m not sure what you mean, Y/N. They were nice but if they want to see me again, it would have to be for a skydiving lesson.”

You blurted, “And what if I wanted to see you again? But like on the ground?”

He was shocked at your reply.

You bit the bullet.  “Jaehyun, what time do you get off work?”

His shock faded and he gave you a knowing smile. “You were my last appointment of the day.”

Part 2 (Coming Soon)

Author’s Note: Shoutout to Skydive Atlanta for the info! Maybe someday I’ll come visit and get my butt on a plane and MAYBE go through with skydiving!

This Autumn Day

Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: You committed suicide a month ago, but Tom got a message from you today. 

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, lots and lots of that  t h i c c  angst, some fluff if you look at it with a microscope

Word Count: 2.6k

A/N: This wasn’t originally going to be a suicide story, but as the idea progressed it made the most sense to have Y/N die that way. Please be careful of triggers, warnings are up there ^ My inbox and asks are always available if you need to talk about anything. Lots of love. 

Thirty-two days. Thirty-two days of grief-stricken tears and paralyzing sadness. Thirty-two days since she died. 

It had been only thirty two days, but it felt longer. 

Tom hadn’t stepped foot out of his apartment since her funeral, only allowing his family and Harrison to visit occasionally. Their company never helped ease the sadness in his chest though; it only made it worse, knowing they were worried for him. It made it worse because he couldn’t care enough to pull himself together. Not when she was gone. 

He was always alone, the curtains perpetually drawn to keep out the light and the air silent as he’d never known before. Tessa was gone, his parents having taken her to relieve him of the responsibility of caring for her. He was grateful, seeing as he couldn’t even take care of himself. 

He took a break from acting. No one blamed him, but he still felt slightly guilty for taking away Spider-Man from the world. It didn’t really matter though, when the world had taken her away from him. 

He spent his days trying to take the edge off his sorrow with countless bottles of beer, staying up late into the night and sleeping the day away. He hadn’t showered in two weeks or eaten a proper meal since her death. How could he, when she was longer here? 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tom expected the day to be the same as the thirty-one days before it. Wake up around two in the afternoon, drink a bottle of beer for lunch, maybe some food if Haz or his mom visited and made him eat, then lay back down to stare numbly at the ceiling until it was dark. Down a couple more beers until he passed out, and wake up in the middle of the afternoon the next day. Repeat ad infinitum. 

It was all ruined when his phone chimed with a text at eight in the morning. 

Right after the news of her death got out, his phone had blown up with notifications from family, friends, and worried fans. It was exhausting and bothersome when he himself was shaken and broken to the core, and he'd blocked all of them and deleted his social media. 

Haz, his parents, his brothers, they all were given a free pass on the account they wouldn’t bother him. And they didn’t, too worried for his mental state to push him. So who was texting him so early in the morning? 

Tom blinked, his eyes sticky from sleep, and pressed his fingers against his temples with a groan. He had a killer migraine, and really didn’t appreciate getting woken up so early. 

His phone pinged again and he grumbled angrily before reaching to grab it, ready to block whoever had the nerve to bother him, when he saw it. 

It was her.

“Hey Hero, it’s Y/N…..” the notification read, right below the contact name he’d given her and didn’t have the heart to change after she’d died. My Beautiful Future Wife. 

But that was impossible. She was gone. 

Yet here she was, texting him like she’d never left. 

Tom was too shocked to respond properly, only automatically unlocking his phone to check his messages. 

And there it was, the first message he’d gotten since twenty-eight days before. 

He clicked it open and started reading, feeling his hands shake violently as he sat hunched over his phone. 

“Hey Hero, it’s Y/N. I know this is a shock to you, but if you’re getting this, I’m most definitely dead.” 

Tom let out a shaky breath. She was dead. She wasn’t alive, and he'd known it, but the crushing disappointment weighed down on him anyways. 

“Darling, please don’t beat yourself up over it. It isn’t your fault, or anyone’s, really. I’ve been planning it for a long time, but being with you let me live my last year happily. You made me happy, but I think that it’s time for me to go now. Knowing I’ll be leaving you is the worst part.

I’m sorry I couldn’t leave you a tangible letter, something you could hold on to like I’ve done for my family and friends. I’ve tried, but none of them really felt right. I decided that writing these texts is the best I could do, and I’ve been putting them away for a long time. But this first one I wrote right before my death. It’s the only one that feels perfect. I’m really not the best writer though, so I’m sorry I can’t tell you everything I want to, to express how much that I love you, so this will be the best you’ll get. I’m so so sorry. 

I’ll be honest, I sat with that plastic bag and canister of helium for a long time, wondering if what I’m going to do is what I really wanted. I started thinking, ‘Maybe I don’t have to die.’ You made me happier than I’ve felt in a long, long time, and for a few minutes I imagined just living another day. I would be alive to see you come home after your meeting, alive to see your face once again. But one more day would make it another week, then another month, and another year. And I would keep hurting. Today is the day; I have to be strong. But today was perfect as it was. I woke up next to you, and we made breakfast together listening to our favorite songs. That is enough for me. I was happy. Tom, thank you for that. You made the last year of my life the best one. 

The death won’t be painful. It’ll be like falling asleep. I’m not worried, and as I’m writing this, I just feel peaceful. It’ll all be over. 

I just hope you won’t be the one to find me. I don’t want you to see me like this, and instead remember me as the way I looked when you left the house a few hours ago. I’d put on my biggest smile for you, and I’d worn your favorite clothes on me. I made sure to tell you that I love you. I don’t regret anything. I’m happy, knowing you loved me and that I loved you, and that I’ll pass peacefully still loving and being loved by you.  

I’m not scared. I think it’ll be warm and bright. I’ll think about you as I take my final breaths.”

Tom could barely see the next message through the tears in his eyes, but he managed to read it silently, his chest tight and achy. 

Just three words: “I love you.”

He felt his lip tremble as his tears finally spilled over in thick streams down his cheeks and off his chin. He heard a low keening, an animal sound that cried of loss and utter pain and it was only after a few seconds that he realized that it was him. 

He couldn’t breath, couldn’t see, couldn’t move. He could only cry, and remember that last, bright smile she’d given him as she closed the door behind him. 

I love you. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For exactly three-hundred-and-sixty-five days after that, he received messages from her everyday. Some were questions, others consolations. There were little inside jokes, affectionate teasing, and gentle encouragements. 

“My hero, how are you today? I hope you ate something and had a little time to just relax. I know how hard you work yourself. Visit that little cafe we love in town for me today, alright?”

“Tommy, have you ever wondered what rainbows look like to other animals? Even though they don’t see the same colors as us, I bet it’s just as beautiful.”

“I really do wish we could’ve gone stargazing in the desert like we’d planned. Why don’t you take Haz and your brothers instead? Think of me while you’re there.” 

“If you’re ever feeling down Honey Bee, just remember that time we went to the beach together and you taught me how to surf. It was super sunny and the water felt amazing, remember? I wiped out a dozen times but you always laughed and helped me back on my board. It was such a great day, I hope you experience many more like it.”

“Make sure to give yourself a little love today, okay Tommy? You deserve it, and so much more.”

“I think the best day we’ve ever had was when we went to that children’s hospital two months after we met, when you dressed up as Spider-Man to cheer up all the sick kids. They were overjoyed to see you, and you were so happy to make them happy. I think I fell in love with you that day.”

Little by little, with every message from her, Tom improved, taking baby steps back into the world since her death. 

He stopped drinking, and started eating again. He went to sleep a little earlier, and started waking up earlier too. He showered, he shaved, he started looking after himself properly.

On one overcast day, he cleaned himself up and stepped foot outside. He breathed in the crisp autumn air, so different from the closed, musty scent of his apartment, tugged his jacket closed, and trudged all the way to his parents’ house.

They were elated to see him and he let them hug him for the first time in two months. His brothers cried when they saw him, Tessa wouldn’t stop barking happily, and they spent the day together as a family. As dusk fell, they bought a cake and some candles, and Tom whispered “Happy Birthday, Y/N,” as he blew out the candles for her. 

When the first snowfall arrived, Tom drove to the cafe in town and bought himself his and her favorite drinks. He took them to the cemetery with a bouquet of red flowers, visiting her grave for the first time since the funeral. “Miss you tons,” he told her as he placed the drink and the flowers in front of her gravestone. “Thank you for your messages.” 

When spring arrived, he took Haz and his brothers to the United States, driving out to a desert in the middle of nowhere at night. They sat on the roof of their truck together, gazing up at the starry sky that spread out above them like a blanket. “Hey Y/N, just letting you know I’m thinking of you,” he said, feeling his brothers’ eyes on him. Haz slung his arm comfortingly around his shoulders and added, “We all are.”

As the days got hotter and spring gave way to summer, he went to the same beach he had gone with her two years ago and taught his family how to surf. He laughed every time one of them fell off their board and helped them back on. It was a beautiful, sunny day and the water felt cool against his skin. He’d brought a necklace of hers, and sealed it into a clear wine bottle with a cork before flinging it into the waves. “I hope this makes its way to you somehow. Knowing you, you’ll find a way to get it. Love you so much.”

The days got cooler and summer ushered in the melancholy breezes of autumn. Tom finally started acting again, cast in another movie as Spider-Man. One day, he took his suit and a few fellow actors to visit the children’s hospital. They were so so happy to see him, and seeing their smiles brought a smile to his own face. He visited her grave again later that day, still wearing the suit. “I’m hoping you’re still in love with me, but if you aren’t this better make you love me again,” he joked. 

The anniversary of her death finally arrived, and with it, her final message to him. Tom woke up with Tessa laying next to him, the curtains drawn to let in the watery sunlight of fall, and fifteen new notifications on his phone. 

Two messages were from his brothers, one was from Haz, and the next ten were from his other friends and co-workers from the studio. 

The last two, though, were the two he cared the most about. The ones from her. 

As he clicked the message open, he had a feeling that these were her last texts from her. Instead of feeling lost or broken as he might have before, though, he felt a deep, warm gratefulness spreading from his chest. He began reading. 

“Dearest Tommy, 

It was this day last year that I left the world. I hope that today, you can let me go too. You see, before I started actually thinking about dying, I always felt that everyone who’d loved me should always love me, even after I died. They shouldn’t move on, they shouldn’t feel better, because I was gone. It wouldn’t be fair, right?

But as I’m writing this, I’m watching you and Tessa run through the leaves at the dog park and I can hear your laugh and all I can think is, it wouldn’t be fair for the world to never hear that laugh again. 

I can’t bear to think that my death will leave you broken and unable to love again, that I’m the one to rob you of happiness. You deserve all the happiness in the world, darling. You are such an amazing, kind, generous, silly person and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have had you. 

I’ve been writing a bunch of texts to you since two years ago, but this one is one I’m writing now. I still haven’t written the first one you’ll see yet, but I’m sure it’ll come to me soon. 

I’m going to die next week, on the first of September. Until then, I’m going to spend all my time with you, with so much happiness. It’ll be a good way to go, I think. 

You’re calling me over now, but there’s one more thing I have to tell you. 

Do you remember that time, two years ago, when we went to Switzerland and visited that quaint little cafe in the small town in the mountains? We both drank a chai latte and had a sugar cookie, and for the whole day I could feel the warmth of the latte in my throat and the sweetness of the sugar cookie lingering on my tongue. And as we hiked around the mountains, hand in hand, I could smell the unique scent of autumn as we walked through patches of sunlight that looked like it was made out of pure gold as it filtered through the leaves. I felt such a strange, pure joy then, and sometimes I think of that day and feel a little ache in my chest that makes me smile to myself. 

I think that’s what heaven will be like. Just a constant autumn, a little sad, but a little happy too. I’ll walk the mountains by myself, thinking of you and our sweet three years together. I’ll miss you so much, but I hope that all that’ll be left of me is a faint warmth in your throat and a lingering sweetness on your tongue that’ll make you smile a little to yourself when you remember me. 

For the very last time, I love you Tommy.”

Tom got out of bed, stretched, and opened the windows. He inhaled the unique scent of autumn and smiled into the golden morning sunlight.

Just Friends Pt.3

Pairing: KamilahxMc

Disclaimer: The characters are NOT mine, they belong to PB

Prompt: “She was able to catch your eye at the minute she stepped into the same environment as you. She was gorgeous, kind, interesting, brilliant and... Single. I never thought my type would be a serious, tall woman, who loved suits, with straight hair down her shoulders and beautiful brown eyes until I met her. It was very easy to fall in love with Kamilah Sayeed, the CEO, billionaire, she was out everyone’s league, the difficult part of the task was to make her love you back. But this was a task that I was more than happy to accomplish”

A/N: This is my newest work, I'm working on this fanfic which is basically the fluff / smut style, since you guys filled my message box with requests for smuts and I've only been writing so much angst lately XD This is for all the anons who asked this ❤️Anyway I have not abandoned my previous works, which will eventually be posted. The events occur after the battle against Vega

Ahmanet Financial

Kamilah’s pov

"Are you free tonight?" Hayley asked softly on the other end of the line.

"That depends on your definition of free,” I replied as I reviewed some contracts that were on my desk. It was about 18:00 pm when Hayley called. She was anxious, I could feel it in her voice. I had to admit that hearing her voice for the first time that week was very good, but I would not say that to her.

"Oh, come on. I have plans for us today, if you are available. And before you arrange any excuses, I've already asked Adrian and you both has no council meeting scheduled for today. So there's no place you can runaway, Miss Sayeed” She said boldly and I smiled at that.

"Us?" I asked, frowning with that unexpected word. “I have to admit I’m surprised with your call.” I said.

“Since you did not show up at the office this week, I found myself thinking about you and I thought it would be nice if I called you..."

"So you admit that you were thinking about me?" I teased with a smile on my face. She was thinking of me, that precious little human thing, how she always capable of surprising me. In my time of life, only few people were able to surprise me, but Hayley did it with great ease. She was impulsive, young, stubborn and extremely unpredictable.

"I... Um... Kamilah!"

"You said so."

"I didn’t meant that—“

"Oh, I think you did. It’s alright. I'm not mad at you thinking of me," I said with a smile and I heard her sigh.

"Yeah...Um... I ... I was just referring in case of the two of us... You know, maybe we could—" I smiled involuntarily, as I heard her stammer, imagining that cute red blush on her cheeks. "...You know, maybe we could go out and do something nice.”

"You know, I'm busy now, right?" I told Hayley, holding my phone in my ear.

"I know, I know! But you're always busy! And I do not want to bother, but you said you would release a day on your agenda,” she said, remembering my words perfectly, I sighed.

"I think I underestimated your memory. May I ask what your plans are?"

"So you're interested?" She asked, laughing.

"Maybe," I said with my eyes on my computer.

"I can guarantee you'll have fun," she said excitedly. "Sooo... Are you considering leaving work early for us spending some time together?"

I spent a few seconds reconsidering that, a part of me strangely was eager to spend time with her. And the other part thought that going out early work would not be a very responsible act on my part.

I sighed. I could hear her breathing perfectly on the other end of the line, eagerly awaiting for the answer. I wanted that. I really wanted spending so time with that young mortal. Who am I and what have I done to Kamilah Sayeed?

The irresponsible part won obviously, that was exclusively Hayley’s fault. Spending so much time like this with her, make that effect on me.

"Okay, I believe I can release my agenda for you, Miss O'Connell."

"Thank you, Miss Sayeed. You will not regret it.” She said and I could feel the smile in her voice.

Hayley’s pov.

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" Kamilah asked as she drove through the streets of Manhattan.

I looked at her. She was unbelievably beautiful that night, which was not much of a struggle for her, but today she wore something different and casual that fits her nicely. She wore a white Gucci sweater, skinny jeans, oh my god, Kamilah was in jeans... She looked fantastic in jeans.

"It's a surprise! It would not be fun if I told you,” I said with a smile. I was grateful that she had not chosen a more formal look because the place I chose was far from something she was accustomed to.

"Can I at least know what we're going to do on Chinatown?" She asked curiously.

"Let's have fun! It'll be cool, Lily and I we used to go there all the time,” I said excitedly.

"I hope it's worth the time of drive." She said with her eyes on the street.

"Don’t worry." I touched lightly on her hand that was on top of the cambio. Kamilah stiffened, but did not take her hand under mine. "You worry too much when things are out of your control, right?" I said with a smile.

"Just a little," she said with a small smile. Stroking my hand lightly. “You look beautiful, by the way.” Kamilah said casually, and I felt my cheeks burn and my ears turn red. "And here we go, you're blushing again." She laughed.

Another twenty-five minutes of traffic and finally we arrived at our destination. Kamilah looked around at people walking through the streets and fireworks scattered around the shops, all well-colored, music echoing from everywhere.

"Can you explain now what we're doing in Chinatown?" She said impatiently again.

"Park there!" I said pointing to a spot that was a few feet from us. Kamilah rolled her eyes, but did as I said and parked the car.

I got out of the car and threw the handle of my bag over my shoulder. Today I had chosen something for myself, Lily was not at home so I had to turn myself, then I chose something more my style. A black tank top with several necklaces on my neck, shabby jeans with all star and my cross purse plus my beige leather jacket hanging on it. Kamilah got out of the car still looking around, as she was in a hostile environment, I believe she's never been here before.

"Come on, it's going to be fun. I'll introduce you to my favorite restaurant.” I said excitedly.

"Your animation is definitely contagious." She watched around and started to walk beside me. "I've never been here before."

"I love this place. It’s amazing"

"Is that so?" She replied with her eyes narrowed. She was so close. Oh my god, she smelled so good. That perfume...

"Oh, serious? Has not Mama Sayeed taught little Kamilah not to judge without knowing?” I asked with folded arms, standing in front of her. She studied me for a few seconds, before letting out a laugh that made me smile.

"For your government..." She said approaching me until we were inches from each other. Being so close to her kept me from forming concrete thoughts. "...My mother never said that." She said her lips so close to mine, her beautiful brown eyes burning mine.

"Sometimes I forget you're royalty, ma'am. I bet you had a lot of servants to straighten your shiny, moisturized hair with a comb, you have until today.” I said with a boldly smile and kept walking beside her.

"Not that it's in your best interest, but my hair is naturally smooth..." She said walking beside me, I could feel the smile in her voice. "But you're right, they used to comb my hair, but it was me who held the extra comb." I laughed out loud.

"I can not believe you're joking." I touched her warm hand, curling my fingers into hers.

"You're a bad influence," she said with a smile.

We went to my favorite restaurant, and I must say the food was great. They always surprise me every time. Kamilah tried not to show, but I'm sure she liked it. After dinner we walked the streets and watched the fireworks, we bought ice cream, which made the evening even better. When was almost midnight Kamilah stopped the car in front of my apartment and I saw the light of the room lit, Lily had already arrived.

"I hope you enjoyed it," I said looking at her. Kamilah smiled, a small smile, and I saw a sparkle in her brown eyes.

"Very much," she said. "But, if you do not mind..." She leaned forward, touching my face, I swallowed hard as she approached. Kamilah kissed me then, her lips were soft and her perfume made me lose my senses. At first she was gentle, but as the seconds passed, the kiss became rough, and when I found myself, I was out of breath, my tongue against hers, my mind spinning, and clinging to Kamilah's sweater. "Let's go to my house," she said between kisses.

"But, I told Lily..." I stopped kissing her breathlessly and looked at her. Kamilah looked back at me with pure desire in that brown eyes. Fuck. Was that what I was supposed to do? I mean, it's our second date, but we already sleep together. Twice. And just now we were going out, if I lower my guard now... would that be wrong? Oh fuck, but she's looking at me with those eyes, I can not even breathe when she looks at me like that She wanted me and I wanted her. "... Forget what I said, let's go to your house.” I said impulsively and Kamilah opened a widely grin.

Lily and Hayley's apartment 9am

I unlocked the front door and entered the apartment, closing the door behind me. Still with a smile on my face and with the memories of last night in my mind.

"Look who's come, if it's not the Obi-wan of sex." Lily greeted me with a sly grin on her face as she made pancakes. I felt my face turn red, left my purse on the armchair, and approached the counter.

"Obi-wan of sex?" I frowned at her. Trying not to turn red, obviously staying the same way.

"You are obi-wan and Kamilah is clearly Yoda. How was last night? You not came home,” she said with a laugh. She and her Star Wars references.

"Ah ... Um ... It was good. We talked a lot. She is pretty funny"

"My ass you both kept talking all night. You smell like sex girl, I smell her perfume on you, it's really good, by the way.” she said with a laugh. "I bet Kamilah bang you yesterday. You're even with a hickey on the neck.” She said pointing at me with a spatula, I tried to cover it uselessly.

"Lily! This is not a hickey here! This here... Is... accidentally I fell." I said embarrassed.

"I bet it fell down. In Kamilah's bed, that’s right,” she said with a laugh and I covered my face. “Girl look at yourself you look red as tomato. But if want to keep acting like nothing happened, so nothing happened.” She gave me a wink with a smile.

Ahmanet Financial 7pm

It had already been two months of weekly dates, sex nights at Kamilah's house, outside our relationship, the only person who knew was Lily. And it's been great, all the time I spend with her, my feelings only increase, if that's even possible. I could almost say we were dating, things have been going very slowly between us. Kamilah was not a big fan of the G word. So today I decided to briefly go over at her job to see her before going out with Lily for a girls night, since Adrian had given me the night off.

"Honestly, I do not care," she said as I walked beside her through the hallways of her office. She was dazzling in her black suit that looked perfect on her body, her black blouse had a neckline that valued her breasts, and I swear I had to stop staring. "Hayley, serious? Could not you send me a message instead of coming to my work to say you're going out with Lily?” She said.

"Hey, one day you'll thank me for giving you satisfaction where I'm going to you. And you do not check your cell phone at night, what would be the purpose? Besides, I wanted to see you.”

"That's cute, but I'm working." She stopped in front of her office door. A young brunette girl who seemed to be older than I was standing watching, with a tablet in hand.

"Hi!" I said as I caught her looking and her cheeks burned as she was caught looking at us. I reached out my hand and she hurried to squeeze it

"Hi, I'm Karen. Mrs. Sayeed's assistant." She said with a smile.

"We were finally introduced. I'm Hayley, Kamilah's future girlfriend. Nice to meet you,” I said and saw the horror in Kamilah's eyes. Karen tried to hold back the laughter.

"We're just friends," Kamilah said, trying to correct me seriously.

"Anyway, she is, but I’m not. How long have you worked here?"

"Ten years," she said.

"Holy shit. You've been working here for a long time, tell me, the job comes with a health plan, a dental plan?”

"Okay, Hayley. I have to work and you have to do whatever it is, come on.” Kamilah said pulling me into the elevator.

“Bye Karen!” I stopped in front of the elevator. "But I did not even tell you where I'm going with Lily tonight," I said looking at her.

"OK. Where are you going? "She asked impatiently with her hands on her hips. I prepared myself for her response after what I was about to say.

"So... Priya invited me to come to her club. Basically, we are going to one of Priya's shows,” I said, and at that moment I saw her features change. Kamilah's look of impatience turned to hidden anger behind those brown eyes.

"Are you serious?" She said.

"I came to warn you and ask if everything was fine. I know you and Priya are not very close," I said, watching her features. Kamilah sighed and ran her hand over her face.

“Oh, come on. It's just a show, and it's going to have electronic music and drinks, it's going to be amazing” I said excitedly.

"Of course not, why would bother me. You going to one of Priya’s shows, knowing perfectly what my feelings are towards that particular person and how she behaves when you're around?"

“Yeah...?”

"Go ahead then. If you want.” She shrugged.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Um... So we're cool about that?"

"Sure why not?" She snapped angrily.

"Alright then! I'll call you when I get home.” I said with a smile and gave her a quick kiss on the lips, stepping into the elevator.

Hamilton High School AU 71

"Hey, John." Alexander smiled as he saw him. "Get a lot of painting done?"

"Yeah, actually." He'd woken up early that morning and gotten quite a bit done in the early hours of the day.

"That's good." He sat with him in the front row and spent the time waiting with him.

Thomas warmed up with the rest of the group in the back, his voice a bit off.

"What's the matter? Your voice never waivers," Lafayette pointed out.

"Long day.. I don't really want to talk about it. I'll be alright, I just need a bit of warming up."

"If you say so.."

He nodded and kept warming his voice up, getting back into the swing of things a few minutes before curtain call. Good. He got into his place waiting in the back and listened as Lafayette began the show.

It was another successful show, another more than pleased audience, and Thomas felt more relaxed than he had that entire day, even without smoking. He smiled and took a bow with everyone else before going to the back and changing, going home with John.

Alexander walked John to Thomas's car, kissing his cheek as they left. So much for being too tired to pay attention to John...

John pecked Alexander's lips before getting in the car and waving as Thomas drove off. "Do you want to tell Alexander about this?.."

"No." he said firmly before sighing. "Sorry.. He's just not somebody I want knowing about this. Not until I get back on my feet. Do you think you could make up something for now?.."

"No problem." He held his hand.

Thomas smiled and squeezed his hand. "Where's Lucy? With your friend Maria?"

"Yeah. She likes her daughter, Susan. They get alone well."

"That's good." He drove them back to the apartment. "Do you.. Do you think she could watch her for the night?.. I just want some time with you.."

"I already asked when I dropped her off. She said it's no problem. You need a break after today.."

"Thanks, sunshine.." He smiled. When he got to the apartment, John opened the gate and got back in the car, then got out to go inside with Thomas. They headed to their room and Thomas practically collapsed onto the inflatable mattress.

John sat beside him and rubbed his back. "You're doing great. I know what you're going through is stressful and I'm here to help you through it."

Thomas reached back and pulled John down to lay with him. "I'm alright with you here to help me."

He smiled and pecked his lips. "I'm just doing my best.."

"And your best is so much more than enough."

John sat up. "Can you get on your stomach? Alexander gave me a back massage once and I want to try and give you one, too."

Thomas nodded and rolled onto his back. "Shirt on or off?"

"Off."

He did just that and sighed as he felt the heels of John's palms digging into his muscles, immediately relaxing into his touch. "You're a miracle. You know that, don't you?"

"Whatever you say," John chuckled, running his hands over Thomas's back. "You deserve this. You've had a long day."

"You can say that again.."

John nodded to himself and massaged a knot out of his shoulder. "Now, it's just time to relax. Alright?"

He nodded and let his eyes fall shut, letting John work his magic. He was no professional, but he wasn't bad at it, either.

John smiled and kept working at it until he saw noticed that Thomas's breathing had steadied. He slowly eased up before pulling the blanket over him, beginning to get up when Thomas grabbed his wrist.

"I'm not asleep. I'm just relaxed. Come lay with me."

John got down and laid beside him. "I hope I helped.."

"You really did. I honestly feel a lot better after that, thank you." He kissed his forehead.

"Good." He smiled and pecked his lips. "Are you going to be alright with everything?.."

"My mom's still supporting me financially. I just need to find us a place to stay. I can take care of Lucy just fine." He practically had been already for a while. "You don't need to worry about me. Just be here for me, okay?"

"Of course. I'm your boyfriend. I love you."

Thomas smiled. "I love you too. And I love hearing you say that.."

"Then I'll say it again. I love you, Thomas Jefferson."

"I could listen to that all day.."

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

He chuckled and leaned down, kissing John softly and sighing contently against his lips. It really had been a stressful day and it felt like it lasted a week, but unwinding with John made everything better. John made everything better. He wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer, feeling his warm hands rest against his chest and move over his shoulders before resting around the back of his neck. He moved his own hands under John's shirt and held his hips, carefully pulling away from the kiss. "How does this work? This whole color system thing?"

"You just ask for my color."

Thomas nodded. "Color?.."

"Green." John smiled.

"Good.. Tell me the second it changes." He kissed him and held him closer, moving his hands up his back until John had to pull away again for the shirt to come off. "Still green?"

"Still green." He took the shirt from Thomas and tossed it away, letting him shift to lean over him.

"We don't have to do anything.. We can just do this and stop when you want."

"I know. I'm okay for now." He wrapped his arm around Thomas's neck and pulled him back down, resting his forehead against his.

"I'm just making sure.." Thomas muttered, taking in every detail of John's body. His skin was far from smooth, he had scars and stretch marks especially around his sides, but it didn't do a thing to mask how beautiful John was. He remembered the first time he saw him shirtless, how he gawked and stared to the point where John became bright red and flustered.

"What are you thinking?.."

"I'm remembering the first time I saw you like this.. How much of a dork I was."

"Oh, please. I was worse.." Poor John had gotten so embarrassed after seeing Thomas shirtless that he shut his eyes and tried to run out of the room, only for him to run right into the door frame.

Thomas smiled at the memory. "Yeah.. But things have changed since then. You're still as beautiful as ever, though.." He slowly kissed down his stomach, stopping at the waistband of his pants. He looked up at John and tugged at them. "Color?"

"Green," John replied without a doubt.

Their first time was different from John's with Alexander. Thomas took his time with things, partly to enjoy every last moment and partly to make sure John was enjoying every last moment. Of course, John still loved the intimacy between himself and Alexander. He enjoyed helping him through it and knowing that Alexander was at almost the same level of experience as himself. But.. he couldn't complain about how experienced Thomas was in that field. He knew exactly what he was doing and where to kiss and touch John to elicit the perfect reactions. It was amazing for both of them, though it was far from perfect, especially on the air mattress. There was also, of course, the occasional yellow that John brought up. Thomas made sure to wait until John was certain he was okay before continuing and it was far from a bad thing, no matter how much time it would eat up. John felt secure and Thomas felt better about potentially hurting or scaring John, the last thing he wanted to do. After the act, Thomas kissed John's forehead.

"I'll be right back." He got up and left the room for a minute, getting rid of the used condom and coming back as fast as he could with a warm washcloth. He cleaned John off, he and Alexander normally used tissues, and kissed over his skin gently. "Do you need anything?"

John shook his head. "I just want to cuddle."

"Alright." He put John in a clean pair of boxers and a clean shirt, then put up his clothes for him before laying down with him and cuddling with him. "I'm so glad you could trust me enough for this.. I loved it."

"Me too.." John smiled and rested his head against Thomas's chest, sighing contently as he put his hand on his back.

"Good.. That was my main goal." He kissed the top of his head and pulled the blanket up over them, covering John up to his neck. "Let's get some sleep, okay?.."

John nodded and fell asleep in seconds, Thomas close behind him.

In the morning, John woke up first and got up, going to the kitchen with a slight limp and making breakfast before getting dressed. As he pulled his shirt on, he heard Thomas behind him.

"Good morning.. How did you sleep?"

"I slept well." He smiled. "And I made breakfast."

"Thank you.."

"No problem.." John couldn't help but ask something he'd been wondering all morning. "Is... Is that how you were like with all of your one night stands?.." He'd been so caring the night before.

Thomas furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head. "Of course not. Most of them were gone as soon as I woke up and I never really cared about giving them after care since they probably didn't need it like you did. And, before you ask, nobody ever did that for me. I always topped, anyways."

That was actually John's next question. "I was just wondering." He smiled a bit, though he couldn't deny that it would've made him a bit insecure if that hadn't been Thomas's answer. He didn't need to be special, but it felt nice knowing that he was the only one who got that treatment.

"Trust me, you're beyond special to me, sunshine." He sat up and got himself dressed before following John back to the kitchen and making some coffee. "Still don't drink coffee, do you?"

"Not really." John had never been a big coffee drinker, only really drinking it when he needed the caffeine boost that he'd never grown out of.

"Alright." Thomas made himself a cup and went out front as he waited for it to boil, asking for John to watch it for him. He hadn't smoked in a few days, but he'd been craving it like crazy. He wasn't quite addicted, it was more of an occasional thing, but he did smoke a lot for the few days before just cutting off. It was starting to bother him a bit.

John sighed and stayed inside, watching the water for him. He made the coffee for him, letting him take his time, before going outside and getting him. "I made your coffee for you."

Thomas had been on his second cigarette by then, the first stomped out on the floor. "Thanks, sunshine." He went inside and brushed his teeth as well as he could before going and drinking his coffee.

As he did, John went downstairs and got Lucy. "Did she behave herself?"

"She was great. I'll watch her whenever you need me to."

"Thanks, Maria." He smiled and carried Lucy back up to the apartment, taking her inside and to the kitchen, letting her eat breakfast with him and Thomas. It was a quiet morning, the silence only broken when Lucy left the table to get her things ready to take a bath.

"I can go ask to see if there's another apartment while you're giving her a bath, if you want."

Thomas hesitated before nodding. "Yeah.."

"Is something wrong?"

"I don't know.. I just can't help but think about life after college and all that. I feel like I'd love living with you and I want to start now.. But I don't want to be a bother. I know you need room for your art stuff."

John kissed his cheek and held his hand. "I get it.. You don't need to feel bad about it. You'll be right in the same building and you know you and Lucy are welcome over at any time."

He smiled and kissed his hand. "Thanks, sunshine.."

"Of course." He smiled back. "I'll go do that. You go take care of Lucy."

He nodded and got up, going and keeping an eye on Lucy as she took a bath.

John left the apartment and went down to the main office, going to the manager of the building. "Hey, Monroe, I've got a friend who needs a place to stay. He's good on money and he has a little girl with him. Are there any free apartments?"

"Hmm... Let me check." He turned to his computer and checked for a few minutes. "Alright. I have a few apartments. The one right beside you is open. Two bedrooms like yours, same rent every month."

"That sounds good. I'll send him down to talk to you."

"I'll be right here."

John smiled and went back up to his apartment.

Thomas was still watching Lucy when he got back.

"Hey, they found somewhere. Right beside me, so you won't be too far."

Thomas smiled. "That sounds perfect. I'll go down there in a bit. Can you watch Lucy for me?"

"Yeah, no problem." He took Thomas's spot and stayed with Lucy as Thomas went downstairs and talked to James Monroe, getting the apartment. He was even able to move in that day. He went back upstairs and smiled as he saw John helping Lucy get dressed.

"How'd it go?"

"He said we can move in today, so I'm going to start on that. Thank you for everything. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"I'm glad to help." John smiled back at him before turning back to Lucy, letting her leave when she was dressed and going out to help her and Thomas get their things.

Thomas took everything over to their apartment and John helped them get unpacked while Thomas went back to his house for the rest of their stuff. It took a few trips, but he was able to get pretty much everything from their house and bring it to the apartment, John helping him get everything upstairs and into it. Lucy helped as best as she could too, pouting when Thomas and John had to take the heavier things themselves.

Once everything was inside, they put it all where it belonged and made their beds, since the apartment was fully furnished. John actually had to request that the second bed got moved out a bit after he'd first moved in. It took a few hours, but they were eventually done, all plopping down on the couch afterwards.

"Well, Lucy, this is our new home."

She nodded and yawned, curling up against John's side. "Can I come see you whenever I want?.."

"Of course you can. Just make sure to ask Tommy first, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled and let her eyes fall shut, exhausted from the hard work of the day.

Thomas smiled and followed her example, letting himself take a power nap in the few hours that remained before he had to go out to drama.

John carried them both to their beds and made them lunch in his own apartment before bringing it over.

It was a couple of hours before they both got up and joined him on the couch, eating. It was peaceful and quiet, like a regular Sunday. It was nice.

"Do you want to come grocery shopping with us later, sunshine?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And.. If you want to bring Alexander, you can. I've been thinking about it and I was being stupid. He's not going to like if I just happen to show up whenever and he's going to ask questions. I want to tell him that I'm moving in over here."

"Are you sure?.."

Thomas nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright. If you're sure." John smiled and kept eating.

Just like the day before, when it was time for drama, Thomas left half an hour before John dropped Lucy off with Maria and met Alexander at the school.

"After this, I'm going grocery shopping with Thomas. Do you want to come?"

He was a bit hesitant. Of course he wanted to spend time with John, but... "I don't want to be in the way.. Like I don't want it to seem like I can't even let you go grocery shopping alone with him."

"It's fine. We have to talk to you about something while we're there.."

"What is it?"

"We'll tell you later. It's nothing bad, I promise." He kissed his cheek and held his hand as they sat, waiting to see the musical again.

"Okay.. I'll go with you guys."

John smiled. "Lucy's going to be with us, too. Maybe Susan, if she wants to come."

"Even better." Alexander adored little Susan and was more than glad that she seemed to like him as well. "It actually sounds kind of like fun.." If John really was serious about dating them both, it could've been a tiny glimpse into the future.

John knew that as well and he adored the idea. Seeing what life would be like with both of his boyfriends... It sounded perfect.

They both smiled as the show started, Lafayette once again making the perfect Veronica. If anything, the show was even better than it had been going, especially for the Heathers. Frances definitely seemed to have a new spark of energy after her lunch date with Lauren. It wasn't much, just sitting and talking in the park, playing on the playground like a couple of dorks, but Frances loved every minute of it. They even already scheduled a second date for that next Saturday, same time and same place. She was so excited she almost forgot a line. Almost.

After the show, John took Alexander's hand and walked him to Thomas's car, waiting for him to come over.

When he did, he let the two into the car and got in himself before driving back to the apartments, deciding to explain to Alexander on the way there.

"I have to tell you something.. I live in the apartment next to John now, with Lucy."

Naturally, Alexander's first thoughts were that this was an attempt to get close to John, to steal him from Alexander... But he pushed those thoughts out of his mind and just asked the obvious questions. "Why?.."

"Because my mom's boyfriend hates her and he wants to get rid of her, so I'm taking custody of her and I'm keeping her with me. I am not letting that asshole get her taken from me." He seemed to grip the steering wheel a bit tighter.

"Oh.. I'm sorry.."

"I'm just doing what I have to do for her.. And it's not like I don't already take care of her most of the time and my mom's still going to give me money. We're just living somewhere else now. That doesn't mean you get any less time with John or that I get anymore. It's not about that."

Alexander nodded. "It's fine, you don't have to explain yourself. So, I guess that's why we're going grocery shopping?.."

"Yeah.. I figured you should know because Lucy really loves him and she'll definitely want to go visit all the time, so I don't want you thinking she has to be there while you and John are together. And I don't want you thinking I'm living there just to live with John. It's cheap and close to our school and Lucy's."

"No, I understand. I'm not against it or anything. It's not my place to be."

Thomas smiled and got to the building, now able to open the gates himself. He did just that and waited in silence with Alexander as John got Lucy from Maria, Susan tagging along.

John got her car seat and put it in Thomas's car for the time being, Alexander sitting on the right of both seats. The two girls were buckled in and they were off, going to the grocery store.

Roses

Welp. I finally finished and feel as if this beast is ready. It started as a tiny fic based on a song (as always) and turned into this emotional mess. So be prepared and I hope you like it.

Roses

It was the tenth of February and he brought not one, but a dozen, to my door. I always hated roses, but for some reason I loved the white ones in his hand. Whenever I think back, that’s how I see him. Standing there holding a dozen roses with a smile on his handsome face. I guess in my head he’ll never fade. Him standing there with that stupid rose. That crooked smile that pushed the dimple into his chin. The way he made my heart flutter. The fact that he knew he could make my knees weak by combining all the moves.

I still don’t know how he knew it was my birthday.

But nothing could wipe that smile from my face. The one he always knew how to bring forth.

It took him three months to break me. I have no idea how he did it. Maybe it was because he refused to take my no as an answer. Maybe it was because he wouldn’t stop coming around every time I thought I had finally gotten rid of him. Either way he managed to do what no one else had ever done. He won me. And once he broke me, I gave him everything.

Before I knew it four years flew by and I couldn’t see anyone else but him in my future. I didn’t want anyone else but him in my future.

Roses became our thing. He brought me roses and somehow the girl who once hated flowers fell in love with flowers from him. They made me feel classic. Cassian with his leather jacket over his button down shirt. Me with my sweetheart dress that made his eyes linger. God we were my idea of perfect.

It was amazing; while it lasted.

I never thought time would change, I never thought anything would happen to break us. For the first time I was confident in myself. I was in love with Cassian and I wanted everyone to know it.

Four years together and yet it still felt brand new.

It was my 25th birthday. Cassian brought pink roses this time. He knew I hated the color pink and yet he brought them anyways. He showed up while I was still getting ready, my dress wasn’t even zipped yet. He was all put together, that leather jacket, faded with time and love, pulled on over his dark gray button down shirt. His hair was slicked back behind his ears. It was almost to his shoulders now. God I loved and hated that hair.

It was perfect for our nights together. But sometimes I wanted him to cut it all off.

“Happy birthday my love,” Cassian’s deep voice made the fact that I was holding pink roses disappear. I smiled as he kissed me gently, pulling the door closed behind him.

I blushed as a shiver ran down my spine from the cold air that had made it’s way inside, “thanks Cass. These are very… pink.”

I grimaced as he wiggled his eyebrows, “I know. You’re welcome.”

I rolled my eyes. He was cocky as always. Sometimes it was endearing, sometimes it was annoying. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it tonight seeing as it was my birthday and he should’ve gotten me flowers that were to my liking. I took them to the kitchen, my bare feet barely tapping against the floorboards as I walked. I felt Cassian’s eyes on my back as he followed me. I put the flowers in a vase that I had already filled with water.

“Well don’t just stand there. Be useful and zip me up,” I waved my hand over my head waiting for him to come and assist me.

Cassian snorted, but I heard his heavy footsteps make their way towards me. Then his cold fingers brushed against my back, “usually you’re begging me to take your dress off.”

Cassian’s lips pressed against my neck before I could even think of a response. I shivered against his touch. Four years together and he still gave me butterflies. My heartbeat picked up, my own hands started to shake as he kissed up my neck, his breath tickling my skin.

“If you want to take me out to dinner,” I could barely form a sentence as his hands touched my hips. The cold seeped through my dress, “we can’t get distracted.”

Cassian’s teeth grazed the skin on my shoulder. I had to bite my lip to suppress my moan, “what if I want to distract you?”

I giggled, “as much as I love you, as much as I love this, I am also starving and you promised me food.”

His nose pressed against my shoulder and his laugh hit my skin, “yes. Yes. Don’t worry, I’ve got an exciting night planned for after dinner. I know you, food always comes first.”

He winked and I couldn’t help but laugh. God if I could’ve froze that moment I would’ve lived in it forever. Me and him standing there in the kitchen, those stupid pink roses on the counter. I wish I would have let him distract me.

I wish we would’ve left that restaurant late, or taken a different way home. I wish I could have changed everything that had happened that night. But that’s the thing about wishing. No matter how hard you wish it will never come true. You can’t change the past, you can’t undo something that has been done.

That’s probably the hardest thing I’ll ever have to accept. There was nothing I could’ve done. Nothing I could’ve changed. It all happened too fast. It all happened on time.

“Nes,” Cassian’s voice stopped me as I slipped on my shoes. He was smiling when I turned around and looked at him. He stood in the doorway, looking at me with those big puppy dog eyes. I let out a slow breath and I felt the air in the room change. I smiled back at him, “I wanted to give you your present now. Instead of at the restaurant.”  

I raised an eyebrow, “okay?”

He cleared his throat and fiddled with his pocket, “I love you, Nesta Acheron. Even when you’re hard to love, there’s no one else i’d rather be with. I’d rather fight with you than get along with anyone else. And I know you’ve always said you’re happy with the way things are. But, well.”

He knelt down on one knee and my breath caught in my throat, my chest squeezed tight, “I don’t see or want a future without you, Nesta. You’re my rock, my love, my life. Will you marry me?”

My eyes filled with tears as I covered my mouth with my hand, in shock. I never thought this moment would come, this moment would ever be real. And yet here was this man who I loved with all my heart proposing to me. I couldn’t believe it, and yet I couldn’t deny it either. I nodded my head slowly, my head taking a moment to catch up with my heart.

“Yes. Yes, oh my god. Yes I’ll marry you.”

His smile was blinding. I jumped into his arms as he stood up after pushing the beautiful vintage ring onto my left hand. It fit perfectly, as if he had been planning this whole thing for longer than today. I kissed him as his arms wrapped around me, my hands framing his face. I laughed, tears falling down my cheeks. I was happy. Happier than I had ever been.

“I love you,” I whispered, “so much, Cassian Moten.”

“I was,” he paused as I kissed his mouth, then his nose, then his cheek. His laugh vibrated through his chest into me, “going to wait for dinner. But then the light was there, the roses beside you. It just felt right, to do it here, in our home.”

I smiled, his arms tightening around me, “I love you. I can’t wait to be your wife.”

Cassian’s heartbeat mirrored mine as I pulled away. I brushed my nose against his as he slowly lowered me to the ground. Cassian kissed me hard once more before he pulled back and laced our fingers together. The perfect birthday. At least that’s how I thought I would remember it.

It was a dream I never knew I had come true. A dream that turned into a nightmare in the blink of an eye.

“We have to get going if we don’t want to be late,” Cassian’s dimple pressed against his chin as he continued to smile.

I sighed happily, my ring sparkling as I grabbed my bag off the counter. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face if I tried. I never thought I could be so happy, so in love with life. I went from a cold and bitter person, closed off and wishing love would never try to find me again. To finding a man who saw me. Who looked at me and for some reason thought I was worth all the trouble in the entire world.

I held Cassian’s hand as we drove down the quiet street, the sun already starting to set so early in the winter’s evening. There was snow on the ground, but it was warmer than a few nights ago. My birthday was weird that way, in the middle of winter. It could be snowing or it could be slightly warmer. Cassian drove slow, just to be safe, as we made our way to my favorite little italian restaurant in town.

Cassian spoiled me. He had a good job working with his friends. He told me he prefered to spend his money on me than spending it on himself, than spending it on anyone else. So he took me places, he showed me the world. He showed me what I never knew I could see. Places I never thought I could go.

I grew up with two little sisters and a father that checked out the moment our mother died. She died and we lost our money and our father lost his spirit. So Feyre took over, she took to providing for us, when it should’ve fallen to me. But I was selfish and I was cruel, so I did what I always did. I pushed my sister's away. Because if my father could check out that easily, then so could they.

Cassian grew up without a family. HIs mother never knew his father, who left the moment the night was over. She abandoned him on the doorstep of a firehouse and he was floated from foster home to foster home until he was old enough to venture out on his own. Then he met his brothers, Azriel and Rhysand. Not brothers by blood but brothers by choice. He found a home for himself among the wreckage of his life.

Maybe that’s why we fit together. My family has been torn apart by grief, he never had a family to call his own. Maybe two broken souls finding each other is the perfect remedy to mend the hurt inside of us.

I leaned into his side, holding up my hand, “Cassian it’s beautiful. It’s perfect,” I whispered softly, “I love it. How did you find it?”

He kissed my other hand, the one holding his, “your sister helped me. We went to a lot of pawn shops, antique stores. We called out of state and even overseas. It took a lot of searching. Hell I’ve been looking for the past two years.”

My heart stopped, “what?”

Cassian laughed as he pulled into a parking spot, “I knew I wanted to marry you the moment you agreed to that first date. I didn’t want to scare you, so I waited. Then when Feyre told me your love of old things I started small. The stamped locket, those shoes you always wear. I knew then that I had to find the perfect ring. An old one, with a story to come with it.”

When he mentioned the locket I instinctively touched the pendant that never left my neck. It was stamped with a beautiful vine like pattern and inside were Cassian’s initials beside mine and the day we started dating officially. It was the sweetest thing I had ever received and I cherished it above everything else. If I had to take it off it never went far. I loved old things and Cassian had found the perfect old thing when he bought me this locket.

“No story will be as beautiful as that one,” I whispered softly, brushing my nose against his. I let out a breath and kissed him softly. He shut off the car and ran his fingers down my cheek.

“Nessa. If you keep doing that we won’t make it inside,” he whispered, his eyes still closed as he nibbled my jaw.

I giggled, “maybe that’s my plan, sweetheart.”

“Hey that’s my line,” he opened his eyes and smiled, “don’t worry there will be plenty of time for that later. First I feed you. Then we dance. Then we go home,” he wiggled his eyebrows and opened his door. I never wanted this night to end. I never wanted to lose this moment, this feeling. I knew it was fleeting, I knew it would never last.

But for one night I knew what it felt like to fly. To fall in love all over again.

Somehow we got free wine with our food. Someone saw my ring and then we were telling the story of getting engaged. The wine poured and we drank more than we should have. We laughed and ate food, we talked to the people around us. Time seemed to be a figment of my imagination. Before I knew it Cassian took my hand, dragging me out onto the dance floor. He was steady on his feet, his hands solid on my waist. He pushed hair off my neck and leaned in to kiss me.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

I didn’t have time to reply, to even thank him for the words that never seemed to lose any meaning whenever he whispered them to me. He spun me around quickly, making me giggle as he dipped me down. My cheeks were flushed, but my heart was full. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders as the song changed and we danced slowly together.

“You’re sure you want to spend forever with me?” I asked as I took in a breath and steadied myself in his arms. His grip was loose but firm as he held my hips. I ran my fingers across his scalp. Cassian leaned in like a cat would when you scratched their ears.

He laughed, a sound I would spend forever trying to produce, “Yeah. I think I am.”

He leaned down and kissed me. I still had to stand on my tiptoes to reach his mouth. His arms were tight once they wound around my waist and I couldn’t help but remember all the moments he would pick me up and hold me close as he devoured me. God I loved this man. I would spend forever trying to understand what I did to deserve a love like him.

Cassian pulled back, something flashing in his hands. I watched as he brought it up and then his fingers pressed a flower in my hair, right behind my ear. I had no idea where he had gotten it, but it was a pink rose. Exactly like the ones he brought me. The stem scratched my skin as it situated itself behind my ear, “you’re beautiful, Nesta. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I did. I love you.”

I brushed my nose against his as I traced my fingers down his cheek, “yeah. I think I might just love you too.”

We swayed together as the wine coursed through our system. Cassian was warm, so was the air in the room. I smiled as I took in a deep breath, pulling myself closer. I laid my head on Cassian’s chest and closed my eyes, imagining the rest of our lives together. This moment was just the beginning. I could spend forever in his arms, in this moment. I was happy, safe, content, and in the love of my life’s arms. I felt his lips on the top of my head, it was sweeter than anything I had ever felt before.

And even though it was far too good to be true, I let myself believe that my happily ever after was finally coming true.

***

There was blood on my engagement ring. It’s the first thing I noticed as the lights brightened and the room became clear and my eyes adjusted to the hospital’s waiting room. Not only was there blood on my ring, but it was covering my hands too. There was blood all over me, my dress was ripped, my hair was a mess. I’m sure there was blood in there too.

It was nothing compared to the mess of my emotions. The chaos inside of my head. In the ambulance they said I was in shock. I could barely tell them my name let alone look at anything other than Cassian laying there bleeding on their bed. My hands shook as I continued to stare down at them.

It wasn’t my blood, I was aware enough to know that. The blood that covered me was not my own, although it felt like it could be mine. It belonged to the one person who’s life meant more to me than my own. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stop myself from replaying the accident yet again.

The waiting room was empty save for me. The quiet unsettled me as I sat there staring at the doors, waiting for them to open. I opened my eyes and looked at my hands yet again. The light cut across my ring, scattering patterns across the waiting room ceiling. No one was telling me anything, no one had come out from that back room in what felt like hours. I shivered, pulling the sleeves of Cassian’s leather jacket closer to me.

It still smelled like him. It smelled like home.

I didn’t like to cry. But my body was tired of fighting. Tears gathered in my eyes, my throat felt like it was made of glass. My fiance, my best friend, the love of my life, was on the other side of that door. And I had no idea if he would live or die. I had no idea what was happened to him.

All I knew was that when the ambulance arrived they took one look at him and I knew it wasn’t good. Their faces paled and they started to talk in numbers and riddles that meant nothing to me. I was assessed, but Cassian was the priority.

I looked at my left hand, trying to keep it together. I realized as I sat there that the ring had little roses on the side, outline in black with a little diamond in the middle. Roses. I couldn’t help but smile, even when he wasn’t, he was here. My throat closed up, Cassian was a pain in my ass. But he was my pain in the ass. He loved me, for some reason the roses on the side of this ring made it even more real.

When we first started dating he thought it was weird, the fact that I hated flowers as much as I did. Maybe that’s why he was so hell bent on bringing me roses. Because I wasn’t the kind of girl he usually dated. I didn’t want flowers or fancy dinners. I didn’t want to be spoiled with gifts every other day. I just wanted someone who would be there when he said he would. Someone who realized that when I pushed them away I really wanted them to force their way through my walls.

Cassian proved time and time again in the last four years he could be both. The guy who brought me flowers and the one who stayed even when I was convinced he would walk away. No matter how much we fought, we always found our way back to each other.

The first sob escaped my throat the moment the lobby doors slid open and my little sister walked in. She didn’t stop walking until she was right there in front of me. Feyre wrapped her arms around me as I finally fell apart.

“Nesta we got here as soon as we could,” she hugged me tightly, then slid down so she was on her knees at my level. Her blue eyes, the ones we both got from our mother, met mine. Her hands were warm against my knees.

I hiccuped, “I don’t know what’s happening. No one has told me anything.”

Rhys sighed, “okay, let me see what I can do.”

I nodded as Feyre stayed in front of me, trying to comfort me and yet give me space. Her hand brushed my ring and she smiled, “he finally did it.”

I couldn’t help but smile myself, “yeah. Before dinner. But then we were driving home and he swerved. I kissed him, we were happy and celebrating. I had a little too much wine and he was excited to get me home. There was ice and I shouldn’t have distracted him. The truck came out of nowhere,” I stopped as the memory played, I choked, “we spun, then the car flipped. They said I was lucky to get out without a scratch.”

Feyre slid into the seat beside me, “he’s strong,” she pushed my hair behind my ear, “he’ll find his way back to you, I know he will.”

I closed my eyes willing off the tears, but they wouldn’t stop. My little sister kept touching me and I wanted to scream, to tell her to stop. I didn’t want touched, I didn’t want to be here. I wanted this all to be a dream. But I knew it wasn’t and that made it worse.

“Are you sure you shouldn’t be back there getting checked out?”

I shook my head, something tickled my scalp, “no the paramedics said I was fine. Just superficial wounds, nothing major. I’m fine. They need to focus on him, on Cassian.”

A noise came from the back of Feyre’s throat, but I ignored it. I reached up to push my hair out of my face. That’s when I caught my finger on something. I pulled and then a rose fell from my ear into my lap. There was blood on the light pink petals, it was crushed. But even in the middle of all this chaos it had survived. My heart squeezed and the world tilted on itself.

It was as if a little piece of Cassian was here with me. His jacket. This rose. My ring. My heart hurt but I held onto the little shred of hope I had in my hands.

“Where did you get that?” Feyre’s voice cut through the humming inside my head.

“Cassian,” I lost air as I said his name.

He put it behind my ear while we were dancing what felt like hours ago. I could see it all happening as I sat there, my heart hurt. He told me I looked beautiful and that  the pink matched my black dress. I told him he was full of shit, laughing as he spun me around. It felt like a lifetime ago, when we were celebrating our engagement. When life seemed like a dream instead of this nightmare.

But it had only been a few hours at best. Hours since we laughed and kissed. Hours since I knew what my future held. Now I had no idea what would happen when the doctors finally walked through those doors.

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to breathe as I pushed my arms through the sleeves of his leather jacket. He couldn’t be broken. He would be okay, they would fix him. People got into car accidents all the time. He would survive and we would live happily ever after. I refused to believe anything else.

“They said he’s in surgery,” Rhysand broke the spell of the floor I had been focusing on to keep more tears from falling, “he’s pretty bad, Nesta. Broken leg, a  few broke ribs. Apparently he took most of the collision. He’s got swelling in his brain, which they’re concerned about..”

I bit my lip, “but is he going to be okay?”

“They aren’t sure yet. They said the doctor will find us when he’s out of surgery.”

I nodded, looking away as Rhysand sat down beside his girlfriend and wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t fair, that they got to lean on each other and I was left to wait to hear if my love, my life, would walk out of these doors again.

——

It felt like days later. The sun had set long ago, the cold was coming in through the sliding doors. We were the only people left in the waiting room, the quiet was even more unnerving than before. I could hear the ticking of the clock above us. The lights flickered every three minutes. Someone was tapping their foot on the tile floor. Feyre was falling asleep, her head on Rhysand’s chest. I blew out a breath as the doors finally opened.

“You came in from the car accident?” The doctor asked, his eyes glancing over me. The blood all over me clearly gave him the answer before I could.

I stood up and met him halfway into the waiting room. Rhysand was there beside me. I all but leaned on him for support. “Yes.”

He nodded, pulling off his hat, “okay well your boyfriend is lucky. He had a lot of bleeding but I believe I stopped all of it. There’s a lot of swelling in his head, but that will have to heal on it’s own while he’s sleeping. Now he’s got a broken rib, a fractured calf, a shattered ankle, and a sprained wrist. We’ve fixed everything we could in surgery and set him up in a few casts.”

“But he’s going to be okay?”

He nodded slowly, “Time will tell for sure. But he’s out of surgery and resting. You can go back and see him if you’d like.”

My chest expanded, as if knowing he was on the other side eased the pressure that had been building inside of it. I all but ran to the doors once the doctor told us which room he was in. Rhysand and Feyre followed behind, letting me go into the room first.

I had known Cassian for a long time now. We had only been dating for four years but he had been in my life for longer than that. It took me a moment to process what I saw when I opened the door to his room. I had never seen him so vulnerable, I had never seen him so broken. He looked like a little boy laying on the bed, his leg elevated up in a cast.

“Cass,” my voice broke as I took the chair beside his bed and took in a deep breath. I picked up his hand and kissed the back of it, “you scared me. You promised me forever, I’m holding you to that promise.”

Rhysand let out a sigh as he came into the room and Feyre held him while he tried to hold himself together. I took in a deep breath as I watched them come around to the other side of the bed. I wanted to crawl in and curl up beside him. But there were so many casts, so much damage I didn’t want to hurt him. So I wrapped my arms around his forearm and kissed his shoulder.

I was ready to settle into this spot until he opened those brown eyes of his.

“I remember when Cassian met you, seven years ago. God he was in love with you the moment you kicked him in the shin. He told me you were the girl he was going to marry,” Rhysand’s eyes were filled with tears as he looked at me, “I told him he was crazy, since I had known you for longer than a day and I knew you weren’t the marrying kind. At least not according to Feyre. But Cassian likes a challenge. You were his biggest challenge yet.”

I smiled, “he never did give up. I was so mean to him too, he never let that scare him. He told me he would prove to me he was worth it.”

“Did he? Prove that to you?”

My eyes were bright when tears as I looked at Cassian’s brother from across the small room, “no. I knew after that very first date he was too good for me. And yet. He never looked at another girl.”

Feyre wiped away a tear as I looked away from Rhysand. That was the truth. Cassian never needed to prove to me he was worth it. He proved that on our very first date. He proved to me he was out of my league and yet for some reason he only wanted me.

It took me four years to truly believe I was worth it. That I was worthy of him.

I squeezed Cassian’s hand three times, something he used to do whenever we were together in the early days and I was afraid of people seeing us. He would squeeze my hand to reassure me that everything was okay, that we were supposed to be together. A tear slipped down my cheek, I waited for him to squeeze it back. But he didn’t move, his fingers didn’t even curve around mine. He looked so vulnerable, so pale and injured that my chest squeezed tightly. .

I needed him. I never let myself admit that I did, but I didn’t want to go on without him. I wanted that wedding, I wanted a house with a fence and little ones that looked more like Cassian than me running around in the yard. I wanted to spend forever rolling my eyes at his stupid jokes and wondering why he puts up with my moods.

There were a million ways to say I love you without ever uttering the words. I didn’t realize it until that moment but every day Cassian said the words without saying them. Proving to me yet again that I didn’t deserve him.

But that didn’t mean I loved him any less.

“You should wear mom’s dress,” Feyre was staring at my hands. They were still covered in blood, I needed to wash them. I needed to change, but I didn’t want him to wake up alone. I wanted to be here when he opened his eyes again, “when you two finally set a date.”

I laughed, “well right now that is the last thing I’m worrying about. I’ll marry Cassian naked if I have to,” Rhysand’s cheeks flushed as I looked at my sister, “I just want to marry him.”

“Well that would be one hell of a wedding ceremony,” Feyre smiled as I looked back down at the man I loved laying there on the bed. I took in a deep breath and reached up, pushing a few strands of hair away from his face.

The room was quiet for a few moments, the three of us sitting there waiting for the man we loved in different ways to wake up and tell us all to stop crying. I knew he wouldn’t want us to cry, he would tell me to man up, be the hard girl he had tried so hard to break, because he wasn’t going anywhere.

I let out a slow breath, “one of our first nights together Cassian told me how he met you and Az,” I brought my eyes up to Rhysand’s and felt my chest squeeze. My sister’s boyfriend raised his eyebrows, “he said that until that moment he never met anyone he wanted to be friends with. He was rowdy and angry as a child and then you came along and gave him a run for his money. You gave him a black eye and Az gave him a cracked rib. He said he knew it would last after that.”

Rhysand laughed, “he was this big kid who shouldn’t have looked as big as he did. He was awkward and clumsy. He thought he would bully us and I made him think twice about laughing at the skinny kid who looked like he couldn’t hold his own.”

“He loves you,” I said softly as I leaned into his shoulder, “he’s never uttered a bad word about either of you. You’re his brother. He calls you family. I know he wants you there for our wedding, for our life. I can’t see it happening without you or Az or Fey or Elain.”

Feyre leaned into Rhys and he kissed her temple, “don’t worry. Cassian already has it all planned out. He doesn’t want to do it without your family either.”

I nodded, “he’s always been my family, with or without this ring.”

I let out a slow breath as I brought our clasped hands up to my forehead and leaned against his warmth. His hand was still bigger than mine, his skin was still a shade darker. I just wanted him to open his eyes and tell me everything would be alright. I wanted him to be the strong one, like he always was.

Time seemed to stretch on forever. Feyre was falling asleep on Rhys’s shoulder. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open, but I didn’t want to fall asleep until he was awake. I knew that the chances of him waking up soon were slim to none since he had been hurt so badly. I sighed, closed my eyes and holding onto him. The machines kept beeping, his chest kept going up and down with each breath he took.

I counted each breath he took. It passed the time, it helped ease my fears. He was still here with me, on this earth. Even if his eyes were closed he was breathing. He was breathing on his own. There were no tubes helping him take in air. That was a good sign. At least that’s what the nurse kept saying. That and the swelling in his head was going down. The doctor said he would wake up faster once the swelling was down.

I was almost asleep when his hand moved. I had let go of his hand when it got warm and sweaty. Instead I crossed my arms and laid my head on the bed. My neck was stiff and my body was sore and I was exhausted. I felt the bed move and my heart soared. The sun was starting to come up, it was a new day. A new day to erase the nightmare that I had been living in for the past however many hours now. I sat up faster than I should have, my body groaned.

Despite the circumstances, I couldn’t help but smile when his eyes fluttered and I knew he was coming around.

“Nessa?” Cassian’s voice was soft and scratchy. He opened his eyes slowly. His hand started to move around the bed, searching for something. He smiled weakly when  his fingers once again found mine. I gasped, all but crawling into his arms as he opened his eyes.

A sob escaped my throat, “I’m here,” I said softly as he sat up and I wrapped my arms around him. I was gentle, but Cassian’s lips found mine before I could be sure this wasn’t a dream, “I thought I’d lost you.”

He smiled as he pulled away, the tips of his fingers grazing my cheek, “never, Love. Forever, remember?” He touched my ring and I smiled.

“Forever,” I agreed. I closed my eyes and shook my head, “do you remember? The accident?”

He shook his head, “barely. I swerved so they wouldn’t hit you. We rolled. It was cold. I remember darkness. But I heard you,” his deep voice got smaller, “begging me to stay. I held on to that voice, I held onto you.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, “I didn’t think I’d would ever get to tell you I love you again, Cass. Because I do. I love you so much.”

“I know,” he kissed me again as the door opened, “but I love hearing you say the words out loud.”

The nurse smiled when she saw Cassian awake, I pulled away but he held me in place there beside him. I kissed his temple as she checked his vitals, “I’ll go get the doctor, we didn’t expect you to wake up so quickly.”

I held onto him, afraid he would fall back into that restless sleep again if I let him go. I never expected to need him, to miss him as much as I did when he was hurt. I took in a deep breath as he brushed his fingertips up and down my thigh, as if he took couldn’t bare not to touch me now that he was finally back with me. I kissed his cheek, trying to be positive.

Cassian sighed, “well this might sound weird but I’m tired.”

I pressed my hand against his forehead and he leaned into it. The nurse stopped checking his vitals and nodded, “it’s probably the medicine. I’ll get the doctor and be right back.”

She disappeared out the door as quickly as she had appeared. Feyre was still asleep, but Rhys opened his eyes and smiled when he saw Cassian awake, “Cass. You had us all worried you giant prick.”

He laughed, then winced as the vibration hit him, “well I couldn’t let Nesta get all the attention,“ his thumb touched my ring once again.

I squeezed his hand and this time he squeezed mine back, “I love you,” I whispered softly as he kissed my temple.

“I love you, sweetheart. I’m sorry you worried,” he sighed as he leaned back against the pillows and blew out a breath, “just preparing you for the rest of our life together.”

I glared at him as the doctor came in, “if you do something like this again I’ll kill you myself.”

He laughed and it was the best sound in my world, “I wouldn’t put it past you, love.”

----

They promised me that he was out of the woods. They even said they would release him soon. He was talking and smiling, he even held me before he fell asleep the first night. It looked like we were going to make it to the other side. The doctor couldn’t believe he was awake and alert, that his injuries weren’t giving him more problems. Everyone said his recovery was truly a miracle.

But then it all fell apart overnight. One of the machines woke me up, beeping loudly and wildly. Cassian was pale, coughing up blood. He was sweating and breathing heavily.

The doctors rushed in before I could process what was happening and pushed me out of the way. His brown eyes held mine before they took him away. I held that stare, praying it wouldn’t be the last time those beautiful hazel eyes looked into mine.

Snow fell as I stood there beneath the oak tree. The ground was already cold where we buried him. All I had to remember our life, our laughter, our love, was a tiny dash between two dates. It was so small and yet his life had been so big. All I had left of the beautiful man whom I loved, who had fallen in love with me, was his ring. The ring I refused to take off my finger.

His promise of forever. I guess our forever wasn’t as long as I believed it would be.

I still don’t truly understand what happened. When they told me he was gone I collapsed. I woke up and they told me my body had shut down with the news. They told me I was in shock and that I needed to rest. I fell apart, I demanded to see my fiance. Feyre was the only one who thought it was a good idea. She took me to see him and then she’s the one who told me what the doctors were too afraid to tell me.

I held the roses be had brought me for my birthday. They weren’t fresh anymore, some had wilted. The cold bit into my fingers, I couldn’t see for the tears in my eyes. I took in a breath and laid them gently on the dirt pile in front of his grave. It was easier now, to stand there and look at his stone. It wasn’t as world shattering as it had been the day of the funeral. When Feyre and Rhys were the only ones who held me together.

It wasn’t hard to let go of the future we were supposed to live together. The wedding, the idea of marriage, I let those things go when they told me he didn’t make it. I let the future I never knew I wanted dissolve as quickly as it had appeared. Because I didn’t want that future with anyone else.

What I couldn’t let go of was him.

He came to me at the end of my world. When I thought life was over. When I thought love would never find me again. He had been the light at the end of a very long tunnel. My knight in shining armor if you will. Cassian came and saved me. Even when I didn’t want to be saved.

Now I would never be able to give my heart away again. Because he had taken it with him.

Everyone had given me space at the funeral. They let me grieve as we buried him, but now they started to worry. Feyre refused to leave me alone now that everything was said and done. She followed me home and held me while I cried. She stayed that night and now she wouldn’t leave. She made me dinner, she forced me to get up. To shower, to get dressed. My little sister forced me to live when I didn’t remember how to live without him.

Fourteen days. I had survived fourteen days without him. I just had to learn how to live the rest without him now too.

I pulled his jacket closer to me, it was too big to do it’s job and keep me warm. But I wore it because it was the last thing that still smelled like him, like home. It was the last piece of Cassian I had left to get me through the day. To remind me of the happiest moments in my life, wrapped up in his arms.

Tears filled my eyes as I held the locket in my hand, my wrist resting against my neck as I held it close. I would never let Cassian go, I would never forget the way he made me feel. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl in the world, like I was the only girl in his entire world. He taught me that love could be real, that love could be all consuming. He taught me that even at the end of the world there was someone waiting there to save you.

“You changed me. You made me into a girl I barely recognize, the girl I always wanted to be. You loved me for who I was, even when I was cold and hard. I used to wonder why you bothered, no one ever cared to stick around as long as you. When you didn’t leave, when our first fight didn’t scare you away I started to wonder if maybe I finally found someone worth giving it all to. I gave you everything, Cass. Every piece of my heart is yours. You took it with you and now I don’t know how I’ll ever find it again. Because I don’t want someone to replace you. I don’t want someone else to love. I just want you.”

The snow kept falling as I let out a breath, “god this feels like a cruel dream. I mean, I keep thinking I’ll go home and find you waiting for me. I turn the corner and wait to see you standing there holding a dozen fucking roses. God I hated roses. But I loved the ones you’d bring me,” I sighed, “I’m so mad. You left me, after you promised me forever. You forced your way in, you’re the first person I wanted a forever with. The only one. God I loved you. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you.”

A tear fell down my cheek, “I love you. I hate you. Because I don’t remember how I ever lived without you. I don’t know what I did, who I was, before I was yours. Cassian,” my voice broke. I shook my head, “I wish I could go back and change it. I wish I could’ve asked for one more glass, or danced with you a little longer. I wish.”

I stopped, the quiet surrounded me. I’d never hear him laugh, or listen to his boring stories again. What I would’ve give to be annoyed with him one last time, “it doesn’t matter. Wishing won’t bring you back. Nothing will bring you back.”

I brushed my cold hand across my eyes and shook my head. I had no idea how to even begin to move on without him. God I missed him, every day it felt like I lived with a knife inside my chest. I missed the stupid fights, the stupid moments. I missed the life we had made together.

But I knew I would do it all again. If only to learn a real love, to find a true love. I would rather have loved him for four years than to have never loved him at all.

“I won’t forget you, ever. I wish I could go back and tell you that in person. I wish I could look into your eyes and memorize every color, every sparkle that made you, you. If I had known it wouldn’t last. That you wouldn’t make it. I would’ve held you tighter, I would’ve kissed you longer.”

Another tear slipped down my cheek. I ran my hand over the stone. My ring clicked against the cement. The cold hit me straight down the middle. It numbed the pain that would never go away. I would have to learn to live without him, I knew time would never completely heal the break inside my heart.

“I wish they could’ve met you,” I whispered as I pressed my hand against my stomach, “I wish you could have met them. I don’t know how I’ll do it without you. I never wanted this without you.”

I had to figure out how to become someone I never thought I’d be. But would do it, because Cassian would want me to be strong. Especially now, since there was a piece of him still inside me, one that would grow. One that would one day smile at me they way he used to. I knew it would shatter my heart when it happened.

If that was the price I had to pay, then I would. To carry him inside me. To remember what it was like to be happy. To let his love consume me. To pass on the things he taught to me to someone who was the last piece of his soul.

I took in a deep breath and closed my eyes, making him one last promise. I spoke the vows I never knew I already had written, to the cold stone grave. I tried not to dwell on the fact that he was suppose to be my future. Instead we were given a tragic ending to our love story.

“I promise to remember you, to always love you. I promise to smile, to laugh the way you taught me to,” I smiled despite the ache in my chest as I opened my eyes, “your child will know you. They will love you as fiercely as you would’ve loved them. As much as I will always love you.”

I ran my finger over his name, tucking my beautiful brown eyed boy back inside my heart. Where I would carry him for the rest of my life.

“You used to bring me roses. Now it’s my turn to bring them to you.”

LOVE TRIANGLE

We were holding hands. Walking through the crowds of handsome men in suits and women in gorgeous dresses and beautiful faces. Photographers would stop us and yell our names just to get pictures. I was living in the moment. Abel was squeezing my hand, showing me a sign of protection, while I was taller than him in my heels. We would stop everytime to greet and be greeted by famous faces. His eyes were always focused on me. His hands were sweating. „What’s wrong?“, I asked. He shook his head and whispered: „Nothing. Baby girl.“ Something was up. U felt it. I knew that. I tried to wipe it out of my mind. But i couldn’t. My mind was focused on that the whole evening. Abel knew too. He saw it in my eyes, even though I didn’t say a thing. I felt guilt in him that he couldn’t control. His body was lacking his usage of drugs. I tried everything. Seeing him like that. My heart started beating. My mind was blank. He squeezed my hand and asked like he had no idea what was happening: „Baby, are you alright?“ My heart was racing to his words. I didn’t say anything. I just placed a light kiss on his cheek ending with a laugh and my teeth touching his skin. He smiled. „Let’s go“, he said. My eyes widened. „Finally“, I thought. He pulled my body close to his in order not to lose me in the crowd. I had an unusual grin on my face. The way he touched me. The way he treated me. I couldn’t help it. He was turning his head my way. I turned my head away, pretending I was looking at something. Abel’s eyes widened. That was his girl. In the beautiful black dress perfectly tailored to match her curves. With light curls falling down her open back. She was absolutely stunning. We were heading out to our car. He opened the door. He placed his head lightly on my hip, leading me in to the car. We sat down. We exchanged looks. I placed my legs in his lap. Abel smiled. Placing his hands on my legs carresing them. I felt adrenaline rush through my body. In that moment i forgot everything. I know, I’m weak. I couldn’t help it. The way he touched my body. It was magical. Abel was avoiding eye contact. His hands lightly sweating. It wasn’t good. I moved slowly towards him. Grabbing him by the neck and kissing it carefully. He turned immediately. A big smile was suddenly on his face. We started kissing. That was completely normal for our driver. It was the same after every show. One of his hands was touching my cheek and the other was supporting my bare back. We broke apart. „I love you so fucking much“ he said with passion. He was fond of his curse words. „I know baby boy, I love you too.“ Then I sighed. „Do you really have to?“ I asked in dissapointment. He knew exactly what I was thinking of. His face made a sad expression and he turned to face the window. I immediately felt regret. He said still facing the window: „I don’t.“ I didn’t know what to say. An awkward silence filled up in the back of the car. „But will you?“, I asked with hesitation. He removed his hands of my body and my legs of his lap. He put them on his beautiful face, covering it and putting his head between his knees. He pulled back up and looked at me helpless. I hugged him. I saw weakness in his eyes. He slowly put his hands around my waist. „I’m sorry, hun“ he said. I ran my hands through his hair. „It’s okay, it’s my fault, I shouldn’t have asked.“ He placed a light kiss on my lips. I embraced him and we both smiled with weakness. Deep down the fight wasn’t over. We both knew the problem. Of course I had the urge to help him. I just didn’t want to hurt him. Our house was quite far away. With us being famous, we had a wealthy place. Not everything in my life was about money. It didn’t feel the same for Abel. We talked the rest of the drive. I laughed at his humor and he was a proud boy. The car stopped. We exchanged looks before we got out. He gave me a hand ‘cause I was tired walking in these heels that were actually his gift. We got to the front door. He opened the door and let me in first. Always a gentleman. We were holding hands the whole time. He lead my way to the wine red couch with huge windows looking to the city skyline. He went down and got off my heels and kissed my legs. He sat down. I followed up and sat on his legs crossing them behind his back. There was a wine bottle on the side table next to the couch. He reached out his hand grabbing the bottle while again supporting my back with the other. We were talking about everything and anything. There was no silence. Not even for a minute. After a while pf giggling, talking, kissing, I forced myself up and went upstairs. I was walking up the stairs. Abel was still sitting on the couch with the wine bottle in his hand looking out, probably thinking about something. I got to the bedroom door. I closed my eyes, inhaled, and then exhaled. I opened the door and went to the bathroom. Abel didn’t follow me upstairs. He never does. I took of my black dress, standing in nothing but underwear. I put on a silk slip on dress and some socks. It was freezing. I pulled my curls in to a messy bun. I took of m heavy makeup which Abel didn’t prefer anyway. He liked my face bare. I turned on the water. I splashed on some water and washed my face with a face wash. My mind wouldn’t stop picturing Abel. Guess that was good. I wiped down my face with a charcoal colored towel so the makeup wouldn’t leave stains. I heard beeping. My phone. I always leave my phone at home. I prefer actually talking to people and not being occupied with my phone. As i thought, my notifications were filled with a special name. It was Shawn. The sweet boy who wouldn’t do anything to make you feel bad. He was the second man in my life. I have known him since he has started with his music. My favorite shoulder to cry on. I left him messages saying things like: „Abel is fine.“, „The show was amazing.“ And so on. I felt better. I closed my phone and proceeded my way downstairs. I saw light coming out of the black marble kitchen. My heart was beating uncontrollably. I got down and stood right in the door frame. I froze. There he was. Doing it. With parallel white lines and credit cards on the kitchen island. Even though I see this everyday, I felt like today was different. I had enough. I know it wasn’t a good idea to run, but my head was messed up. He didn’t notice me untill I dropped my phone which I didn’t really care about at this point. He picked up his head from the kitchen island. He pinched te bridge of his nose trying not to see me. I didn’t know why, but at that moment I have never felt more heartbroken in my life. I picked up my phone, ran in to the hallway, grabbed my bag and shoes. I didn’t even say goodbye. I don’t know what I was thinking. I shut the door behind me. He was still there. He couldn’t move. He banged on the island with his hand making the cocaine fly all over the kitchen. He fell down with his back leaning against the island. There was only one person on my mind at this point. It was Shawn. I texted him saying: „I’m coming.“ He replied with a bunch of messages. But I didn’t. Once I got to his place I parked the car and rang the bell. He opened the door. His face was saying it all. He was suprised, scared, confused. He hugged me. Of course, his first words were: „What did he do?“ I wasn’t suprised. Even though he said he liked Abel, he was always a bit iffy about it. He put his hand around my shoulder and guided me to his living room. I sad down. It reminded me of tonight. Then I started crying. He was just holding me. He knew I was to weak to say anything. Couple of minutes passed, I said: „He just wouldn’t stop.“ He knew everything and he wasn’t happy about this the moment Abel and I started going out. An hour has maybe passed by. I controlled my feelings pretty well. As long as he didn’t mention Abel it was all good. I was there in Shawns arms. I felt guilty. I would be lying if i sad i didn’t. Shawn got closer. I was confused. I don’t know what he was doing. Suddenly I fell soft and warm lips touch mine. I closed my eyes before pulling him away. Now I was furious. Not even sad but furious. I stood up and I was gone. I was driving in my car. I wasn’t going anywhere. I just didn’t want to be there. With him. No. Should I call anyone else? What should I do? I started sobbing. I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was killing me. Then I remembered. A special place. I wasn’t there with anybody, only two people know about this place. It was a small clif, looking to the lake. I turned my car around and drove there. I parked my car. Tears were falling down my face, causing the left over mascara to run down my pale face. I sat down on the ground. My mind was empty. I had no thoughts. I stopped crying. My mind was a bit clearer. The moonlight was shining in my face. I heard cars. Not one but two of them. I knew what was going on. They are here. Both of them. I turned around. The car light was blinding me. I stood up and went slowly toward the cars and stopped a couple feet away. They were both leaning against the car. Shawn with his hands in his pockets and Abel with his arms crossed. I collapsed down. It hurt me. Abel was approaching me slowly. I didn’t give him a sign to stop. I knew I wanted him. I was sitting there, looking down on the ground. I saw legs im front of me. I slowly lifted my head up when I saw him. My baby boy. His eyes were all read. Probably from crying too. He crouched in front of me. His hand going towards my cheek but I grabbed it. I was holding it hard. Screaming as loud as I could. He closed his eyes and squeezed them. He couldn’t hear me like that. I got enough power to hug him. I didn’t want it to end. I closed my eyes. He whispered: „I’m a fucking idiot.“ With a shaky voice. I was soothing him. „Don’t ever. Ever. Do that again to me“, I said. He just squeezed me inside his arms. I opened my eyes again. I saw him. Shawn. He was broken. He couldn’t see me in his arms. He pushed himself of the car. Glancing at me. He loved me. But why? How? I saw it then. When he kissed me. He knew, he didn’t have a chance. But he wasn’t mad. He didn’t have a reason. He knew I loved Abel. If i loved him I wouldn’t be in his arms now.

| I hope you enjoy my first fanfiction. I was thinking about this story for a long time so I decided to share it with you.

Everything is blue (Ethan Nestor x male reader) [part 11]

Ethan POV

I was laughing my ass off from (M/N)'s antics. He always had a joke at the ready, or trick up his sleeve. He leaned down and kissed me, something he doesn't usually do on camera. He pulled away and ruffled my hair, exiting the recording room. Words can not describe how much I loved this man. I don't know what I would do with out him. He's been here for the last four years, he was always there for me. I met him when he thought there was nothing left in the world for him. His family hated him for being gay, he was depressed and suicidal. I checked on him everyday, for months we went through that routine. I will always remember one night though. It was late, I couldn't sleep, and I had been ignoring call all day from people. But when (M/N) called me, I picked up on the first ring. He was emotional, but not crying. He refused to cry. I talked him through it, I stayed up till six the next morning just to make sure he was okay. From that day on, we called every night. I made time for him anyway I could, and started to fall in love with him. I'd always thought he wouldn't love me though. He was gay, but I didn't know what type of people he was into, or even he saw me in that light.

And I remember the night I told him everything. He didn't hesitate in responding. He was the first person I came out to before Amy. I felt so safe when I was talking to him, and I felt even safer when I was in his arms. I wanted to spend my life with him, till we crumbled to dust. This was the man that I had fallen in love with four years ago. The guy that I watched change into this amazing man that wasn't afraid of anything, that didn't care what people say. He was so happy to be who he was now. And I couldn't help but smile whenever I thought of him.

I ended my stream and hour late, and got ready to leave and go see wedding venues. There were three we were looking at.

Where dreams come true

Garden dreams

Wood land loving

~~~~~~~~~~Time skip~~~~~~~~~~~

The first one was really over the top. It wasn't us, both me and (M/N) agreed on that. The Garden one was beautiful, but what if it rained? And it was a little small. We weren't planning to have a super big wedding, but even for the number we had already decided on, there wasn't enough room. The third one, woodland something, was perfect. It had room for dancing, it was good for indoor/outdoor use, and it just felt....magical. So we rented it for September 12. I sent pictures to Amy, and she said she loved it. (M/N) grabbed my hand and led me back to the car.

"We have an appointment for picking up the cards love. We can send them out today if you would like."

"Yeah, are you going to send any to your family?" I knew I had to tread carefully, he didn't like talking about them, and I understand why.

"I'll send one to Tom, but I could care less about the others."

I squeezed his hand, and he smiled at me. I couldn't help but blush. He made me feel like I was always on cloud nine. I woke up next to him every morning, went to sleep next him at night, spent almost every moment with him.  He was my Prince Charming, a knight in shining armor. He was everything I wanted and then some. He did all the house work, which I tried to help, but he wouldn't let me. He treated me like a king, and I do my best to make him feel the same.

(M/N) POV

Ethan seemed distracted. He was staring out the car window, looking at the rolling fields. He was thinking about something, but I couldn't tell what. My phone buzzed, and it jostled him out his thoughts to look at it. It then started buzzing as if there were a million texts coming through. Ethan expression changed when he was reading them. He now looked really sad, I could barely focus, I can't do anything when my blueberry is sad.

"(M/N)..." Ethan said looking up from the phone, "it's your mom."

"Just ignore it" Ethan set it down, but it went off again, only constantly buzzing. It was a call.

"It's your mom, do you want me to ignore it?"

"I'll give her five minutes to talk, if she's says something I don't agree with, then I'll just hang up and turn my phone on silent." Ethan nodded and put the phone up to my ear.

"(M/N) Francesca (L/N), what the hell do you think your doing? How dare you dishonor me in such a way. Your a disgrace to this family. How dare you Marry him. How can you be so mean that you wou-"

"Shut the fuck up. I did not ask for your opinion, nor do I care to fucking hear it. You kicked me out and disowned me four years ago. It's my life, my choice, and I'm going to marry who ever the duck I want. I don't care what you think, I don't care what the rest of the family will think, and I don't care if I disgrace the family. I'm not part of it and have no interest to be part of it."

"You listen to me and listen to me good. Your going to bre-"

"Bye" and I hung up, "I'm so done dealing with her Ethan. Why can't she just leave me alone. I love you, we have a life together, why would I want to throw away something I worked so hard for."

Ethan grabbed my hand,, "it doesn't matter, is she didn't want you back then, why should you want her now. Everything will be okay. I promise." I squeezed his hand.

"I believe you. Your my world Ethan....you mean everything to me.  I'd do anything and everything to keep you in my arms."

We drove the rest of the way to  pick up the invitations, then went to the post office and mailed them, then went to the grocery store. We picked up a few things we needed, like Tylenol and coffee. Then headed back to the apartment. It was 3:00, we missed lunch, but that was fine. We had some coffee and blueberry muffins, and sat down on the couch together, Ethan's head in my lap. I was absentmindedly  running my  hands through his hair. I was completely lost in my thoughts as I scrolled through my phone. After a while, I noticed Ethan had fallen asleep, and I couldn't help but smile.

"Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so, you say your mother only smiles on her tv show. Your only happy when your sorry head if filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day your twenty eight years old."

Ethan POV

I heard (M/N)  singing, he hasn't down that in awhile...

"your dripping like a saturated sunrise, your spilling like an overflowing sink. Your ripped at ever edge but your a master piece, and now your tearing through the pages and the ink." There was a lot of emotion in his voice, I knew the call with his mom shook him up a little, but I didn't know if this emotion was from it.

"Everything is blue. His pills, his hands, his jeans. And now I'm covered in the colors pulled apart at the seams. And it's blue, and it's blue. Everything if gray. His hair, his smoke, his dreams. And now he's so devoid of color he don't know what it means. And it's blue, and it's blue."

(M/N)'s hands were running through my hair, twisting it around his fingers, and then letting it go.

"You were a vision in the morning when the light came through, I know I've only felt religion when I've lied with you. You said I'll never be forgiven till your boys are too. And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you."

(M/N) kissed my forehead, his hand grabbing my mine.

"You're dripping like a saturated sunrise, your spilling like an overflowing sink. Your ripped at ever edge but your a masterpiece, and now your tearing through the pages and the ink."

(M/N) trailed off, sounding distant, but yet so close. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, tell him everything would be okay. I'd opened my eyes at this point, but he hadn't noticed.

"You were red, and you liked me because I was blue. But when you touched me, I became a lilac sky. And you decided purple just wasn't for you..."

Tears were  rolling down (M/N)'s face, leaving wet trails behind them. I gently squeezed his hand, and he jumped a little.

"What's wrong (M/N)?"

"Dont worry about it Ethan"

"I can see that your upset. Your crying, and you have so much emotion in your voice, you can't hide it from me"

Thats when (M/N) pulled me into his lap and sobbed into the crook of my neck. I held him close, I wanted to him to know that I loved him. About twenty minutes later, his cry had almost stopped.

"I'm sorry Ethan"

"What do you mean"

"I can't even hold myself together, I'm a mess. I can't think straight, I can't focus. I feel so lost....all I want to do is hold you until we fall asleep. I want to ignore the rest of the world, I just want to be free from my family. They don't care about me, so why should I care about them?  I can block out everyone in the universe, but you and sometimes them, are the only ones who bring me to my knees."

I pulled (M/N) forehead to rest against mine, and I softly kissed him. I was determined to make him feel better, no matter what it took...