okay so a very long post incoming.
the shock still hasn’t worn off. i asked misha about bi buck after days. weeks. of talking about it as a hypothetical and i got the BEST answer ever and caused extreme disarray in the destiel fandom.
people in my discord group can attest how often i was like ‘ooh i hope someone asks misha in a panel this weekend.’ ‘maybe we can all go in on a cameo and ask him that way instead?’ i was pretty annoying about it, i just. i NEEDED TO ASK.
so i got to the con thinking if only i could ask a question. then i went to misha’s solo panel but didn’t line up for some reason and then by the end, i regretted it because there was no last question and even misha commented on it. i thought damn now i only have tomorrow’s panel to do it. but i wrote down my question anyways and i thought i’m already here, i have to at least TRY.
i complained to my mother about how i really wanted to ask a question, but no way could i tell her i wanted to ask about buck and tommy kissing and destiel. she doesn’t even know destiel is a thing and she would not approve if she did. but i went to the panel by myself, luckily she didn’t have a ticket to the con anyways so she just waited in the hotel lobby after checking out (which was her choice. she listened to misha’s first panel on saturday from outside the room and didn’t want to sit through one again)
anyways so i go to the tomer/karen panel that was before his panel, and i’m on the right side right at the back, the complete opposite side where the people who ask questions are. then towards the end of that panel i move to the left side. i’m still at the back but i’m at the end of the row so i can easily move when i need to. then when the panel ends i go to ask a person who works at the con about asking a question. she says there are still people who didn’t get to ask their questions yesterday so they get priority, and the rest aren’t lining up yet. now i’m pretty confused because there was a distinct lack of questions at the end yesterday but whatever.
so i go to sit back down but there’s a line of people right where the question line was on saturday, so i join it thinking just in case she was wrong. well more people start to line up and she says ‘nobody is lining up to ask yet!!’ and i’m like okay so it’s fine, we really aren’t going yet.
then i sit back down and a few minutes later i see her directing like 4 or 5 people onto seats after she raises a paper saying ‘reserved for questions’ or something like that. so i think okay it’s my chance. i go up and she directs me into these seats that are closer to the front and is filled with like TEN people who are sitting in that ‘reserved for questions’ section. i think oh my god. there are so many people here. i text the discord saying ‘IM IN THE LINE.’
then the panel starts and i’m like okay well i’m towards the end and i’m close to the front now, i’ll take some pics. and as people ask their questions and sit in their original seats, we have to keep moving along the row of seats so we keep getting closer to the middle near the mic.
but then there’s half an hour and one of the people working for the con comes and says to the girl after me in the queue and the people behind her that they weren’t gonna get to ask. she tells the people at the front of the queue ‘i think just the first few of you will get to ask’ - at this point i’m like the 5th/6th in line (after the person at the mic and the person waiting behind them) so i’m not very optimistic at all. and then.
so i tell my discord ‘yeah i don’t think i’m gonna get to ask’ because i’m still pretty far from the end by the mic.
and then the panel goes on and there ends up being two people, one at the mic, one standing behind them. and one of the people working for the con tells me, THE NEXT PERSON IN LINE, ‘sorry, you won’t get to ask.’ and i am DEVASTATED. i tell the discord ‘yeah i’m definitely not gonna ask.’
i’m thinking I SERIOUSLY just wasted this whole panel shuffling seats and worrying for nothing (i had also just left my bag with all my stuff on a random seat!) so i sit there annoyed and sad for a minute until i see sean (the con organiser) by the stage and he tells her that i can go up last i guess. so she comes up to me and tells me i will be up next and to stand behind the people at the mic and i’m SHAKING.
i get in the line and i text on the discord that i’m the last question.
then i stand there listening to the questions before me just thinking oh my god misha is right there and i’m gonna be the last question and oh my god it’s gonna be such a good question. because i saw how much chaos misha caused with his questions on saturday and in this panel i don’t think anyone asked about destiel. so i thought!!! this is gonna be good!!!
and then i get to the mic and they’re all on stage and sean is next to it and says it’s the last question so it’s gotta be a good one. and then alex and rob and misha are all like oohhh it’s the last question but then MISHA. FUCKING. comes off the stage and comes up to me holding the mic and is two feet from me and looks me in the eyes and says ‘don’t fuck it up.’ but i’m like it’s on my phone! i got it written down! and well you’ve all seen the pictures of him looking right into my eyes but i’ll show you again.
so the first two four of these next photos we were making eye contact. i remember when he came up to me i was looking at all the lines on his face thinking man he’s so pretty and he’s right in front of me what the fuck.
but in these last two i wasn’t looking at him. he was just looking at me. which is just insane to see in retrospect.
after this i think he went back to the stage and i was like okay this last question is for misha and he cheered i guess. i think i blacked out tbh.
now when he got back to the stage i think this was when rob started singing the last question song because i remember thinking like damn i need to ask this question before i cry or something. misha was just standing there and looking at me - from the stage this time and i was. freaking out.
after that singing was done i said ‘this question is kinda about destiel, just to warn you in advance.’ and then apparently rob said ‘perfect last question’ and i started asking my question.
i started with saying ‘so there’s this show called 911’ and SO many people started cheering. i was immediately so much more comfortable because i could tell people would know where this was going. especially when after i carried on with: ‘it moved networks from fox to abc in it’s 7th season. and there’s a main character named buck who in the 4th episode kissed another man’ and then people started cheering AGAIN.
and anyways you all know the rest by now. i said ‘the actor who played him reported that they wanted to do something like it earlier in the show, but when they moved networks they were allowed to make it happen. if supernatural moved networks earlier on, or if it was made later on, do you think something like that could have happened with dean and cas?’
and we ALL know misha’s reply by now. ‘if the cw wasn’t so homophobic, dean and cas would have been balls deep for sure.’ i vividly remember being like OH MY GOD (in my head) and then i put my head in my hands a little and apparently. so did misha. which is to be expected i mean that was wild.
after that he said he was gonna actually give a semi earnest answer and said some things that are shown in these tweets. i remember bits and pieces because i was trying to hold eye contact with misha but i occasionally looked down and played with the mic a little but didn’t want to seem too uninterested. i loved his answer. the thread in this tweet has the general gist of it.
and if you wanna see the question i had written down and open on my phone, which i edited RIGHT before the panel as you can see from the timestamp (don't judge me for the second question it was just a backup) and a picture of misha looking at my phone. here it is.
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CW: Mentions of physical violence and weapons.
"I am thinking I want a tattoo"
Remus felt happy and warm even if was winter, almost Christmas. Remus was feeling the festive mood for the first time. Besides the cold, besides the fact he had been robbed, that he didn't have a phone or the little money he kept, besides the fact that he had been hurt and that he missed his best friend already. Remus was relatively happy. There was one person to blame. And he was sitting next to him, very close to him.
"A tattoo?" Remus asked as he smiled.
"Yeah" Sirius nodded. He was drawing a friendly dog in the foggy window of the London Tube "I was thinking what Fen said yesterday. Do I really look like a delicate prince?"
Remus laughed despite the fact that it hurt to think about Fen and the boys. How they once were Remus's family. And just yesterday they tried to hurt Sirius and him. They hurt Grant. But luckily Grant would be safe and sound in Brighton by now.
Sirius’s dog had a speech bubble next to it. It read: "Hello Moony". Remus smiled.
"I want to look more badass if I am going to live in London" Sirius added.
"You're going to live in a posh neighborhood anyway, so it's fine"
Sirius poked out his tongue.
Sirius had been absolutely adorable during their trip to London. It was the first time Sirius visited the city for real. And though their mission had been to rescue Grant, which they managed successfully despite everything, Remus could tell Sirius had enjoyed it. He wanted more than ever to move into his Uncle's apartment.
"I am sorry for bringing the subject, Moony"
Seeing Sirius’s eyes of concern, Remus realized he had a sad expression. And he hated feeling that way for those people. But nobody understood what they had meant for him. Maybe only Grant.
"It's okay, I am fine"
"No, you are not" Sirius prompted "And it's okay. I get it"
Fen had been drunk and probably on drugs when he took out his knife. And when he hit and kicked Remus on the ribs. He still had the bruises. More than the ones he used to have. But what he said had been circulating Remus's brain all day: "Ye'r a traitor! Yeh abandoned us to play to be a posh boy in a posh school. We've used ter be Yer family and yeh left us"
Remus didn't regret going to Hogwarts. It had been the best decision of his life. Not only because he was able to see Sirius again. But in Hogwarts he had met the best people he could find. Now comparing with what he used to have with Fen and the others, Remus realized he didn't know what real friendship looked like, what real love looked like.
"I tried distracting you with Andromeda and Ted"
"And Nymphadora"
"Just call her Dora" Sirius shivered "That name is horrid"
Remus laughed.
Sirius’s smile showed how much he liked his little family. He only had Andromeda and Regulus now. He had been so happy to spend the day with them. Right before The Holidays. Probably it hadn't been like with The Potters. But they were his family.
"I had a really good time with them"
And it had made Remus love Sirius more. He didn't think it was possible to love someone so much. Even if they were just friends.
Sirius, now bored with the drawings on the window, found another distraction in playing with Remus's wrist bands. Every time Sirius touched his skin, Remus felt shivers down his spine.
"I didn't want to let Regulus go" Sirius added with a sad tone.
The Black Brothers were a total Rollercoaster. Remus had seen them fight like cats and dogs one moment. And then act like best friends at the other. While at The Tonks' they had been at peace. Teasing each other occasionally, but fine. Until Regulus said he was coming back to Grimmauld Place for the rest of the Holidays.
"I can believe he keeps choosing them over me"
"He is going to be fine, Pads"
At this point, they were gently touching each other's fingers and palms. Innocent play. But with a lot of meaning in between.
"He is too vulnerable" Sirius added with disdain "Reg is going to let them manipulate him. Something they wanted to do with me"
Remus couldn't help but rub his shoulders. Something a friend would do to comfort him.
"Regulus is very clever. He won't do anything he doesn't want to"
Sirius took a deep breath "Let's not talk about it. It's almost Christmas. I want to take advantage of our moments together before going back to Hogwarts"
"What do you want to do?" Remus asked in amusement "It's almost midnight and we don't have any money left"
"Only what Andy gave to me" Sirius smirked
"For our train tickets for tomorrow" Remus reminded him.
"We still have something left to buy some wine"
"She said that was for tickets and food"
"I am not hungry. Ate plenty at The Tonks. You?"
Remus wanted to smile. Remus wanted to say yes to everything. Remus wanted to follow Sirius anywhere. And do whatever he said. Because Remus loved him.
"I am always hungry. You know that" Remus teased.
"We'll buy some snacks with the wine"
Remus smiled now "You are impossible" he said. Sirius smiled innocently. Remus wanted to kiss him. "Add some fags to the list. Fen left me clean"
That made Sirius laugh "Deal"
The whole ride back to Alphard's flat was full of gentle touches and closeness. Remus let Sirius place his legs on his lap. They were wrapped around each other like some puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. They held hands. Sirius was scooping closer and closer. Placing his head on Remus's shoulder. Remus was getting addicted to Sirius’s smell and warmth.
Somehow it was a mixture of perfection and the slow craving of more. Remus didn't want to think how friends weren't supposed to do this. He didn't want to measure how romantic or how platonic this was. It was just happening.
They had always been close. Even before they started kissing and doing other stuff. Especially now that they had shared secrets and everything was at the open. It was clear they loved each other. And if Remus didn't think much about how or what they were, he could enjoy what he was having with Sirius.
"We should probably call Prongs to tell him we are alive"
Once in the flat, Remus was at ease. He didn't want to think about the fact that he would spend the night alone with Sirius. The night before, Grant had been something to focus. But now, it was only the two of them.
"Call him. I'll light the fireplace. It is freezing in here"
In front of the chimney and after several glasses of wine and some cigarettes, Remus was relaxed and warm.
"Alphard had taste for many things, not for decorating I am afraid" Sirius commented as he looked around.
Remus had been too worried about Grant last night to appreciate this place. Now more at ease, his eyes wandered around. Everything looked expensive and luxurious. Only the best that money could buy. Though Sirius was right. The decorations made the place look a bit ancient.
"Did you know my Uncle used to make hell of parties in this very place?"
Remus smiled "Yeah?"
"Brought many lovers in here as well" Sirius added, then chuckled "Imagine all the sex these walls had witnessed"
Remus was mid sip of his wine when he choked by the comment.
"If walls could talk" Sirius raised his eyebrows teasingly.
"I'm not sure you'd want to listen to those stories" Remus commented.
"My Uncle was a true slag" Sirius took a sip of his drink "At least he had fun"
Remus couldn't believe he was blushing. He was a bit drunk. And fuck it, he was getting hornier. He had promised himself he could be just Sirius’s friend. But it was impossible not to want him if he was so bloody pretty.
"How about you?" Remus asked with stupid drunk confidence "Are you bringing lovers when you move in?"
"I am having parties as well" Sirius answered looking only to the fire.
"What about the lovers?"
Sirius’s eyes fixed on Remus. The boy was out of breath for a second. Sirius scooped closer. Time felt like it had been stopped. Sirius hesitated before touching Remus's curls. Remus let him. Sirius’s hand moved towards his ear. Remus froze. Sirius caressed his neck delicately. Remus closed his eyes because the gesture was giving tiny shots of pleasure.
"I brought you, didn't I?" Sirius whispered before leaning in for a kiss.
It took all the strength in the world to look away and not kiss Sirius back.
"Sirius," Remus began with a trembling voice "You know we can't do this"
Sirius wasn't expecting that answer clearly. He looked hurt. And a bit confused.
"Yeah sorry" Sirius pursed his lips in disappointment "Just best friends, I get it"
"You were the one who said you needed time to figure things out" Remus snapped angrily.
Sirius wasn't supposed to be the hurt one. Not after everything he had made Remus go through.
"Yeah I know" Sirius shrugged, trying to sound uninterested "I just wanted to kiss you" he looked down to his empty cup "It's probably the wine"
But Remus's temper had changed. Everything was so fine with Sirius, so glorious, so brilliant, until he ruined it all.
"Fuck it, Sirius, you know very well how I feel about you" Remus said as he raised to his feet to pour himself more wine. He needed to be drunker.
"It was just a silly kiss, Remus, relax"
Remus turned in surprising speed, almost spilling the bottle on the carpet.
"I do want to kiss you!" And maybe he raised his voice a little "I love you!" he added, taking Sirius by surprise. Although he had said it many times already "But all you do is play with me when you want. You might be used to everyone being at your feet and maybe I used to be at your feet myself. But I can't do this anymore"
Sirius’s expression turned to fury. Eyes glistening by tears. He rose to his feet as well.
"You think I do this to mess up with you? Of course not, Moony! I want you for real"
Their yells echoed through the empty walls reminding both that no one had lived in that place for months. The ghost of the lonely man that used to own the flat was long gone. Perhaps the place hadn't known love. Maybe sex, fun and parties but not love.
"I know you do" Remus answered "But I don't want to be wanted by you. I want to be loved by you, Padfoot!"
Sirius opened his mouth to say something he didn't dare. Instead he replied with:
"Fuck me, Remus! You love to play this game as well. Who was touchy touchy with me in tube just hours ago? You've been all over me all day!"
Remus snorted in disbelief.
"You are the one who taunts me all the time with your touchy shows of affection and your flirtatious words!" Sirius replied with rage "I said I needed time!"
"What do you want me to do? Bloody ignore you?? We were supposed to be fucking friends, weren't we?"
"I don't think we can be friends" Sirius tutted "Everything is ruined now. Are we going to be awkward forever?"
"You are the one who made it awkward"
"Fuck you! You were practically begging me to kiss you!"
"Fuck you! You're the slag that threw himself at me!"
"And now you're acting like a prude, ha?"
Just like that the little spark turned into a fire, burning everything around them. How easily they exploded with words that hurt each other like daggers when minutes before it was good between them. Remus was sick and tired of how much Sirius made him hate him. Just like he was tired of how much Sirius made him love him. All at the same time.
"GO FUCK YOURSELF, SIRIUS!"
Sirius’s force was unstoppable as he approached.
"FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!"
Before Remus could react, Sirius pulled him by his neck into the most passionate snog, the hottest kiss he had ever experienced.
And God knows Remus tried to fight against it, but seconds later he gave into it faster than falling from a cliff. He opened his mouth for Sirius’s tongue. Remus tasted heaven for a second before Sirius broke apart. Remus would have protested but Sirius only needed seconds to whisper the next words:
"I am crazy in love with you, Moony. You drive me insane"
Sirius’s words were rushed and Remus didn't have time to process them. Sirius was attacking his mouth again. Remus was distracted with pinches of pleasure on his mouth as he felt Sirius’s tongue again. And pinches of pleasure when Sirius’s fingers ran through his hair.
When the message was processed by his brain, all Remus could do was smile between kisses. And he carried on. He carried on. Nobody could stop him now.
Remus didn't know how they got to one of the rooms, probably Alphard's, Remus didn't care. They were suddenly fully snogging on the softest bed Remus had touched. Sirius on top of him.
Remus's body raised in temperature. He realized he was only a human and needed air to survive only when Sirius detached his lips from Remus's mouth to his neck. Remus had only microseconds of air until it became difficult to breathe again for the delicious thing Sirius was doing to his neck.
Remus's instinct was to press him closer to him. And the sound that came out of their mouths was almost animalistic. It made Remus laugh.
"God, I love you"
Sirius let out a little snort on his collarbone.
"Moony, Moony, Moony.... I love you more"
Remus felt like fireworks on his chest. Those three words were better than any kiss or touch that Sirius could give him. That euphoric feeling made him smile to the dark.
Sirius giggled "Of course I love you. And I am scared of how much"
Remus caressed Sirius’s back in response. Then he stroked his soft hair.
"Sorry," Sirius added, looking down at Remus. They smiled at each other "I swear I didn't bring you here for this. And I certainly wasn't planning to confess my feelings like that. But, oh Moons, you made it difficult"
Remus chuckled "Well, you shouldn't have tried to kiss me in the first place"
"You looked adorable and irresistible" Sirius pouted. "What was I supposed to do?"
Remus let out a little laugh.
Sirius began playing with Remus's hair as if that gesture didn't drive him crazy.
"We don't have to do this if you don't want" Sirius said. Remus noticed the nervousness in his voice. He adored this vulnerable Sirius.
"You mean..."
Sirius bit his lip "What I said about my Uncle is true. But it was stupid to bring it up. You make me say stupid things, Moons"
"Yeah, blame me" Remus teased, making Sirius hit his arm playfully.
"I want you" Sirius added, and the way he said it sent shivers down Remus's spine "But it's okay if you want to wait"
"Are you proposing me to have sex with you in the same place your Uncle probably had sex with several men?"
"Way to bring the mood down, Moony"
Remus giggled. He was an idiot. He had only said that to hide the fact he was really really nervous. He admired Sirius for talking about this upfront. That's how Sirius got what he wanted most of the time.
Remus had wanted this for a long time. He had imagined it in his head. They were alone. Something that would be difficult back at Hogwarts. And he was completely in love with this boy. So why not? The only problem was that Remus was utterly scared. Mainly of what Sirius would say about his body. What if he didn't like it? What if he found it disgusting?
Stupid bloody fear.
Sirius must've read his mind because he took it as a red light. So he rolled to the side, panting to the ceiling.
"We should probably finish the wine and go to sleep, Moons. Prongs made me promise we would be at the Castle in the morning. It's Christmas Eve tomorrow, remember?"
Remus didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to lose the opportunity to be with Sirius. He was dying to touch him and show him how much he loved him. Hell, he was a teenage boy in love. He couldn't wait to have his top surgery to have sex, right? He wanted Sirius more than he had wanted anything.
So he rolled to his side, took Sirius’s shirt and pulled him into a wet desperate kiss. Sirius responded willingly.
In no time, they were all over each other again.
Remus pulled Sirius’s shirt off. And Sirius did the same with his. Sirius kissed the bruises and scars Fen had left the day before.
"I want you to be the first, Sirius" Remus whispered to the other boy in the dark. "I want to be yours forever"
Remus felt how Sirius's heart speed up with his words and Remus could've sworn seeing him blushing even in the poor light. Sirius was absolutely gorgeous and God how much Remus loved him.
"But I am not taking this off" Remus added, pointing to his binder "Is that okay?"
Sirius nodded at once. His eyes were shining as he said: "You're so beautiful, Remus".
The fact that he used his name made everything more real. Remus believed him.
"I love you" Sirius added shyly.
Remus smiled.
"I think I've loved you since the first day I saw you. I just didn't know it. I was a fool ten year old boy"
Remus touched his cheek. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He couldn't believe Sirius felt the same. Remus had loved this boy since he was a kid. This love had seemed impossible, unreachable and one-sided for so long that Remus couldn't believe it had been the same for Sirius. They had been terrible idiots.
"If you're saying things to get me horny, let me tell you I already am"
That comment made them laugh but also break the ice. And cut the little tension they were having for their potential first time.
"And here I was trying to declare my sweet love to you, Moons" Sirius tutted "You have to make everything sexual..."
"Shut up and kiss me" Remus interrupted with a sweet delicate kiss.
A kiss that started everything. Nothing stopped them after that. There was no time for words. But they told each other everything with touches and sighs of pleasure. The walls of that flat witnessed something extraordinary. Not only hot and messy sex once again. But the most honest demonstration of love. Remus liked to believe they had been the first ones to make magic while making love.
Remus would remember it as the happiest night of his life.
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Can I be transparent for a sec? Mmkay.
I lost my job back in January over some racist ass mean girl shit and I haven't been able to find a job since then. It's almost may. By the grace of god, am I still held together but man if a bitch don't cry.
Bills never stop. Life don't stop. The fact that some over aged bully brought problems to her SECOND job and got an innocent black woman fired is crazy to me, I feel like they even blackballed me ya know? Nobody wants my ass.
Soon as I send the application off, it's coming back with a fat red NO on it. And I ain't never not do my job, so to pats that off as the THIRD and final excuse as to why you fired me is crazy.
Almost two years and still had that key in my possession til I brought it back to her ass, after she fired me. There's bitches that didn't even have codes to get in the building! I had that AND a key! Mind y'all, this was my second boss. First one got fired cause she truthfully ain't do her job, but me, always on time and ready to do my job.
We got paid $12 and hour! Who tf ain't finna do this silly shit? All I do and ring bitches up. So you saying I never rung a bitch up? Never opened/closed the store? Never cleaned my area? Never did a return? Never help a vendor? Never turn the fountain on/off? Never turned the lights on/off? Tv, either? Never put anything back? Never took something down for someone? Never carried something out for customers, which i eventually stopped on my own cause I ain't finna be no liability. This is not Lowe's. Never answered the phone? Nothing?! I just came to work and disappeared to narnia, apparently, and have y'all my ass to kiss? Yeah, okay. And how do y'all think that'll stand with no paper trail to back it up.
If I NEVER did anything, why was I still here and never written up a single time? You were my boss for five months and never wrote me up? Didn't confiscate my key? CONTINUED to let me open the store up? Tried to make me your errand girl? Picked a bitch who don't even clock ten hours a week your part time assistant manager but kept running to ME when shit would get weird and if redirect your ass to your OTHER assistant manager, because EYE do not get paid to be a secretary. Remember who you gave that job to, especially after being warned that she wouldn't be able to do the job.
Y'all, what the fuck is a part time assistant manager? Any other assistant manager we ever had clocked the full 40, cause it's a REQUIREMENT. Duh. Now part time and full time employees? Sure, but nothing else. Can't be a part time manager of a fucking establishment, that's so ass backwards.
So who would be asked to open the store a LOT if the other assistant was on vacation or whatever? Me.
If a bitch didn't ever do her job? Why call on me? Rely on me to fix problems with certain customers because you knew I'd handle it. Hell, I was helping this girl sell spaces in the store! If I never did my job? Why constantly ask me how many hours I wanted? Tell me about the other girls and how they're not doing what you want and yadda ya.
When girls started quitting, I took those long eight hour shifts to the chin to help you out. And you thanked me! Y'all she was on the phone talking to my assistant manager and they got me right before I left work to thank me for staying so late and being the only one to step up and be a team player and they appreciate me (mind yal I don't care about team player bs it just felt nice to hear that I was appreciated) and all that, just to turn around a MONTH later and say I never did my job?
I got fired over the phone because she knew how it woulda went down in person, but she also thought I wasn't smart enough to fight. First mistake.
This feels like a book lmao I'm knowing y'all prolly don't care but I just have to write this out somewhere, I just have felt so sad and angry.
Anyway. Painted tree is a boutique where people sale their wares, handmade jewelry, food, clothing items, candles, paintings, etc. you could either buy a kiosk or a booth and you were responsible for that and that alone!
So of course, there's vendors that sell shit outta their house cause they know nobody is paying attention, one of them any things this new manager was being brought in to fix cause it was starting to look like a hot mess, I'm not gonna lie to y'all, but I just worked there so whatever.
Of course me being me, I would also make a point to say something every now and again because you can't have us giving a spiel to the customers about the store, while not making sure that your current vendors are following those rules we're giving the new ones! Like???
Old manager was even telling her assistants to sale the spaces sight unseen and why make me privy to this cause you know ima tell y'all how illegal that is!
So the same part time assistant manager is involved in what ended up getting me fired. We started around the same time as cashiers and she's been trying her hardest to get this promotion at her other job, the full time job, but she's up against some sixty year old lady who's been in the company forever, so she's got seniority. Y'all already know how this ends up going. Shorty ain't get the promotion, right around the same time she gets promoted where we work.
On top of that, her husband should choke on something. I won't get into that but there was a point where she'd cry to us about him leaving her and even pimp herself to customers! I'm talking about"if y'all have any single daddies, older brothers, friends, tell 'em I'm ready to mingle!"
Inappropriate.
During the same time, Christmas Eve of 2022, to be exact, we get a text from our manager that the power was out and whoever was scheduled wouldn't have to worry about coming in. So I'm like sweet, see y'all Monday, merry new year whatever.
Of course this bitch gon text back and ask about the possibility of the lights coming back on and I'm like oh my god really. So managers like I'll let y'all know if I hear anything and get y'all to come in. Of course.
So what we ain't know was that this girl was camped out in the job parking lot, waiting to see if the lights came on.
Sure enough they did, cause why not?!?!? And she calls manager and tells HER that SHES gonna drop her kid off, change her clothes and come back to work! Told HER manager what the plan for the day was and you know it actually went down?!?? Cause she was a known snitch at head office, they don't like this girl! Our manager told us that they don't like her.
Anyway, so of course we have to come to work for like three hours and it's a waste because there was like 10 customers at most! My co worker and I are giving her shit because why were you in the parking lot waiting for the lights to come on?! You had nothing better to do cause your husband still hasn't come home?! DO NOT MAKE THAT MY FUCKING PROBLEM WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!
She's telling the customers that we're making her feel bad and I'm just saying "good, I hope you do feel bad" got our asses at work for nothing, yeah feel bad! I could still be in the bed! Last minute Christmas shopping my ass! I'm mad!
So why does she end saying she wants to leave early?
Not the same person who said we should thanking her for getting us more hours? Not the one who was trying to gain sympathy from the customers? NOT THE ONE WHO CAMPED OUT IN THE PARKING LOT?!!!!
When I say my head swivelllllllled, it almost came off. All my coworker did was stare at her but eyeeee had words for her ass.
No way you just said sumn bout leaving early??? You literally waited for the lights to come back on so you could get us to come to work! We're here and only been here for like 2 hours, maybe her 3, and you wanna leave early?! You ain't going nowhere. If anything ima hitch a ride with coworker and we gon leave you here to lock up. That was funny of you to think you were leaving early.
Shoulda seen her face, like dare you!
I said if our manager goes for it and you leave early, I got words for her too. I bet she ain't get work early.
My manager and I even agreed that she was being ridiculous to even ask that question, being the one who made us come to work!
Yeah she ain't like me ever since that, but she also ain't buck her shit after that either.
So when we get our new manager, she feels like she got someone on her side because let me make note that the old manager was the best friend of the assistant manager that she works alongside now. So the playing field is leveled now.
So my sister and I have a kiosk to share, my art and her baking. We get both of the week and I make it look all pretty with our candy jars and cookies and paintings and jewelry that my mom made and what have you.
I come in a day before my week is up and my stuff isn't there. In fact, that now part time assistant is standing in front of a table, taking down a coffee display.
Do we do this on Saturdays? Absolutely. Do we use the other side to display our coffee so these booths of the week can still be presented? Also, yes.
So why is mine the one you MAKE SURE you take down? Right.
So I clock in and tell my assistant manager that I needed to go to my booth. I go to my booth and our stuff is out back crazy! I call my sister while I'm putting everything back. I mean candy dishes on the edge of the shelves, my paintings on the floor, cookies put behind things. Like she just dropped it off and kept it moving.
So were upset and I call my manager and let her know what's happening and she's telling me head back up front cause conveniently both assistant managers were leaving early so I needed to watch the front so I'm like okay just call her and tell her that I don't appreciate her just throwing my stuff around and she assures that she will.
So that ended up being translated like something to brush off cause when I had to call her back cause I couldn't find one of my stand to my paintings, which I ended up finding in the office on a shelf?! Which also ended up not being a big deal to my manager which I noted was not cool, she just kinda passed off a message like we she didn't know where your things went.
She coulda left my shit where it was sitting and let me know to move it when I got in. Could moved it into the office and let me put it back myself. I got agreement on this from my manager. So I'm just like okay whatever just tell her not to touch my stuff anymore if that how she's gonna do me. That was the end of it for me, cause just let me get my money pls.
So the next day we work together again, and like any other day we do not speak to each other cause she's wishy washy and I don't get paid to speak to you nor do you get paid to speak to me. So I speak to my other coworker cause she's not an asshole to me and I go about my day.
Why does the next day roll around and my manager asks me what do we need to do to solve the tension? I'm like what tension? I'm good. When she wants to start treating me like a human, then maybe she'll get so here with me but EYE am not the problem here?? I didn't do anything to her??
She's like, well she told me that you came in and didn't speak to her but you spoke to everyone else.
I'm sorry, I'm we in high school? Didn't I tell y'all that we are not friends? I know I've told y'all that so what's this about?
I told her that I'm not rolling out a red carpet for this girl and making her feel comfortable cause she's definitely not doing that for me! Like be real! Be serious! If I told you every damn time she ain't speak to me, you woulda been tired of me long time ago! I don't come to work for that! Tell her come talk to me and I get a comment about my attitude and I shrug it off like okay haha cause I'm not confrontational all the time, it didn't cost for that ya know? So the comment was unnecessary.
So a couple days go by and I end up texting my manager to chat when I got to work later that day just letting her know that I needed to get everything off my chest about this while situation cause it was starting to bother me how the whole thing was being handled.
In that conversation, I pretty much reiterated that I just would like to continue doing my job and not worrying about catering to anyone's feelings, cause we do not get paid for that. This girl had been treating me like an outcast for a whirl and it feels racist sometimes and she's quick to defend her cause duh and I tell her that I don't need anyone to tell me what they think about it so pretty much like girl save it, I still think it's racist and she tells me to send part time assistant manager a message to say like here's where we stand and we don't gotta get along but we gotta get back to work and let it be.
So I'm like ok cool, I type it up in my notes and send it to my homegirl like girl read this and lmk what you think cause she privy to everything that's been going on!
She like that's cool but I don't think sending her that will make a difference, cause I agree with you that she should do her job just mediate or something instead of getting you do it! Remember, YOU didn't do anything to her!
So my sister came right around that time cause she was picking me up, also putting labels on her products cause again we own a kiosk, and so I tell her about it and she immediately is like do not send her anything cause they can use it against you.
So part time assistant manager ends up coming in and when I say she beelines straight for the office, she almost hurt herself getting in there.
So my assistant manager ends up telling me that if I wanted to go home early o could cause we were really slow so I was like yeah I'll see y'all tomorrow, byeee
So a couple hours later, I get a text from my manager asking me if she could call me. I already knew what it was but I'm like there's no reason why she would do that.
So she calls me and someone from corporate was on the other line! wtf? So she goes into this spiel about cutting hours and then abruptly says that here's where we part ways.
So I'm like why am I getting fired? She dances around the question and goes on to say something about an attitude, and so I ask her if it's about the situation between we and ptam (got tired of writing that out) and if it is about that situation, is she also getting fired? Cause never did I speak to that girl about any of this, it was my manager and I talking. And she doesn't answer any of what I asks, she just keeps going back to its best that we do it like this and I'm like why? She then goes on on to say she knows I wasn't happy and I'm like how?? Why would I come to work to take your shift, both assistant managers and my own in this mf if I hated my job? Girl shut up! Like not making any sense?
So the lady from corporate takes over and starts talking like an inspirational speaker about how she met me and I can go anywhere and be the best I can be and there's better opportunities and I end up zoning out cause I'm just like how tf am I gonna pay my bills now? I don't have a job lined up. I cannot believe I just got died and she didn't even give me a reason— she thought I hung up and I'm like nah I'm here but I don't wanna hear anything else or continue this conversation, you want your key back? Cool. Do I even have a shift still, tomorrow morning? No, of course not. K, you'll get it back, bye.
Immediately I send a long email to corporate and tell 'em everything that's gone on, even told em how my manager has her boyfriend/fiancé drive an hour back down the road to another location for some damn labels because ours hadn't shipped out yet. This man is NOT employed there so there's no reason why he should be being employed to do her job for her!
I also terminated the contract for my stand cause now I'm no longer there to watch my stuff and if bitch gets away with throwing shit around once, she gon do it again. Told her rip that shit up.
Now my sister was mad at me but not for long cause she knew i was upset but I was NOT talking outta anger, I mean what I said but she wanted to see if she could figure out what's going on cause I'm not the only owner of the kiosk which is fair, so we head up to the job and the assistant manager that I worked closely with was there, looking like a deer caught in headlights. This is her norm but it pissed me off more than usual.
She tried breaking bad on me, telling my sister that I called this person and that person and told em all types of shit, now me being me again, I'm asking wtf I said cause when we first started asking her questions, she wasn't aware of this and that and wasn't even allowed in the email anymore lmao and for an assistant manager, that's a bold face lie to tell cause how the emails get answered? It's just you here, dummy! YOU KNOW WHATA GOIN ON BITCH!
So when I asked her what I said in the email she just said she wasn't allowed in, she gon smirk at me and say "you know what you said"... nah! Since YOU know what's in the emails, you tell ME what I said. After that she sobered tf up and that smirk went bye bye. She even backed away from the counter cause I was getting so agitated, and she's scared of me. We've also had it out before so she knows her limits and me not being her coworker anymore, she knew better than to test me.
So I end up separating from my sister cause the conversation was going nowhere, only for us to find each other again and assistant manager told her that I never did my job. Crazy as hell.
When I say I sent a total of three emails and called corporate and only one person responded to my email— the chief of staff, mind y'all! I'm thinking she finna come with it, right? Wrong. Everybody full of hot ass.
She telling me that there were concerns— none of which were brought me but ok— about my work ethic and there's claims from SIX of my coworkers that support me being away and not ready for work but clocked in, also multiple screenshots that support the idea of me not being fond of my job.
I asked that bitch to send me this concrete ass evidence so EYE can see what EYE said and y'all know I ain't get shit back. Not even crickets. Not even a tumbleweed, bitch.
One thing about me, ima ask to see the evidence. Y'all not finna act like y'all got something on me and not share it with the class?!? Come on, where's the fun in that?!
Couldn't take the time to fabricate some text messages or print out a write up and forge my signature! Nothing!
So when it came time for me to get my unemployment, of course they tried making that difficult too! But ima fight for myself. I've come to far in that, not to.
Got them ppl sending me questionnaires and in ever text box they provided, I went into lengthy detail about this whole situation, I was so tired of telling mfs that I wasn't aware of why I was even fired, it made me literally ill.
It was like I was talking in circles and nobody was listening to me, which is something that makes me physically violent. So something needed to be done asap, cause if I gotta sit my black ass at home, I'm getting my duckets in the meantime!
So I got fired of the 16th of January, right? On the 17th of February, I log into DES and guess who was approved for their well deserved mf money cause them bitches ain't have no evidence to support me never doing my mf job?! Yeah! YEAH!!!! I cackled all morning long bitch, it was so funny and hilarious and delightful!!!
But I've been looking for a job for the last three months and it's about to be May. By the grace of god and my mama do I still have money in the bank, but the unemployment is on its last leg and it don't know what to do. I just feel like a failure a lot of the time, it really sucks to keep getting rejection letters in my email but ima keep trying. Just don't know how much try I have left in me.
So yeah, if y'all made it to the end of my long ass diary entry, I appreciate y'all and hope y'all take care of y'all selves at these jobs cause they give not one fuck about ya, k? K, stay lovely and spicy 😘😘😘😘
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