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1427 · 2 months

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When the Levee Breaks (pt. 4)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt. Setting: Highway outside of Atlanta.

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, degrading behavior, season 2 Daryl, smut, oral (m receiving)(kind of) weird. Just weirdo perv (out of desperation) Daryl.

Word Count: 3200

A/N; Daryl’s POV 😩🤷‍♀️ 17+ mdni

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Been keepin’ Merle’s stuff pretty well hidden. Guess I should probably just get rid of it, right? But I can’t. S’not mine to get rid of. So I just hide it. Separate bag from the rest of his meds, all the way at the bottom of a backpack, stuffed under the seat of my truck.

Beatle says she’s been sober off spazz shit for three years. Pretty sure three years ago s’when I met her though, so I’unno how she figures that.

But now we’re ditchin’ the truck and I gotta find a way to carry it without Beatle finding it. Don’t even have time to be upset about my truck. Had it for at least the last ten years. Loved this thing like it was the only thing I had. Basically was for a while.

Takin’ Merles bike. It’s got some dumbass Nazi shit on it, but ‘m not complainin’. That shit don’t matter anymore. Neither does bein’ upset over a truck that’s not gonna do me any good without gas.

Pack myself two bags. One goes with Beatle in Dale’s RV, the other is the pack I’d had stuffed under the seat. Spazz gets hidden underneath a few shirts, smokes, the couple sips left of girlwhiskey, and the rest of Merle’s scripts. Stuff I don’t trust Beatle with.

I think she knows, too. She doesn’t say it but she gives me a look when I tell her ‘m holdin’ onto it. I offer her a whole cigarette. All for herself. And it shuts her up enough not to push it.

Don’t know if I like when she’s happy or not. Kinda makes me feel sick so I try not to think about it. Dunno. Whatever. Don’t got time to think about that shit anyway. S’always somethin’.

Don’t really even got the time to think about what a shit show the CDC was. Just gotta keep movin’. Guess the plan is Fort Bennet? Don’t know. Don’t care. ‘m just goin’.

It’s nice to be back on a bike again. Can’t feel nothin’ but the vibrating underneath me and the air in my face. Can’t hear nothin’ but the engine. By myself. Like all this shit hasn’t happened…

No use in thinkin’ ‘bout it that way, though. Has happened. And I ain’t gonna be one of those sorry sacks that wants to pretend shit ain’t the way it is. That’s one thing I like Beatle for. She don’t pretend shits gonna go back. Don’t miss nothin’, ain’t lookin’ for no one. Far as I see it, she’s happy mostly. Guess it’s easy when someone’s takin’ care of everything for ya. Me. Giving her my smokes and buildin’ fires for my damn self, thinkin’ everything tha’s mine is hers. It ain’t.

Other people makin’ plans. Other people findin’ shelter. Other peoples food.

Too many people in this group ain’t pullin’ their own weight. It’s gonna catch up sooner or later. Beatle’s a weak player. Can’t decide if I should help her out or not. Can’t decide if I should protect her or not. Cuz she don’t want it, she don’t think she needs it. But she’s gonna need it. Sooner or later.

Cuz I know I hate her and all that. Dumb fuckin’ bitch for sure. But after what happened at the CDC? Thought we were gonna die. Thought she was gonna die. Fuck. I’unno. Guess I felt somethin’.

I’m in between knowin’ it and hatin’ it. It can be both right? Cuz it’s definitely both. One more thing I gotta care about. Real fuckin’ stupid.

We’re only on the road a few hours before shit blows. Literally. Dales radiator. Good ‘n done. Then more bullshit happens but ain’t that the way shit is now?

A whole herd of ‘em come through and everyone’s fine. Andrea’s havin’ a panic attack ‘bout the geek that almost ate ‘er, Carol’s kid run off into the woods, and T-Dog’s all but bled out. But to me? Basically fine. No one’s dead or nothin’.

Don’t know where Beatle was when the herd came. But she’s fine too, and any worryin’ I’d been doin was a waste of fuckin’ time. Not gonna waste any more of it bein’ mad I was worried in the first place. That I couldn’t think ‘bout anything else. Just images of her stupid happy face gettin’ ripped apart. Guess I care now. At least ‘bout her not bein’ dead. ‘Bout her bein’ here.

She’s standin’ outside the RV with me, sharing a cigarette cuz I don’t know how else to tell her I’m glad she’s alive. Can’t stop lookin’ at her. She’s either ignoring my staring or pretendin’ I ain’t doin’ it, and ‘m grateful. Don’t wanna talk ‘bout that shit. Just wanna look at her, and fix all those images in my head. Her face still happy and perfect and smilin’ at me like it wasn’t bein’ eaten by monsters a few minutes ago.

I feel sick. Somethin’… different.

“Can I just hug you, please?” She asks like she’s been waitin’ to say it.

“Why?” I squint at her, dragging the smoke. Kinda want to - kinda mad she asked instead of just doin’ it, “Since when do you ask permi-“ I’m cut off by her body wrapped around mine. All four limbs holdin’ on like I’m keepin’ her anchored to the world.

I hug her back, arms pulled tight around her. Why am I doing this? What the fuck is this? Goin’ fuckin’ soft for some dumb little girl. I can hear Merle laughin’ at me from inside my head, and I drop Beatle back down to the pavement.

“I’m glad you’re alive.” She says, and I look down at her. Now she’s all covered in the gross shit I’m covered in. She doesn’t seem to care. Doesn’t even seem to notice.

“Yeah?” I say at her, cuz I don’t know what else to say. Can’t tell her Im glad she’s alive. Can’t give her that. I hugged her back, that’s enough. She should know.

She nods, smiling that stupid fuckin’ smile that I’m startin’ to like. ‘Fore her face starts wrinklin’ up somethin’ nasty. There it is. She looks at me, then down at herself. “What the fuck, Daryl?”

Me?! “‘Pleeeease can I hug you, Daryl?’” I mock her.

“I was worried!! And then you’re alive and okay and I didn’t have time to look at you covered in guts and shit!” She squeals. I swear she knows it irritates me. I can see her goin’ to punch me in the arm so I let her, then pull her into another hug.

Grabbin’ at her head to bring it close to my chest, covered in week old decaying monster meat, “C’mon, Beatle. Gimme a hug!” She’s tryin’ to fight it but ‘m stronger.

She bends her knees and slips down and out of my arms. The blood on my hands making her too slippery to hold onto. She starts runnin’. I run after her til we get to the side of the road and she tries to hide underneath the trunk of a car crashed into the rail.

Maybe this ain’t the time for fuckin’ around, but it don’t matter. Not when I finally got her cornered. The look of fear in her eyes does somethin’ to me. Not real fear. Naw, cuz she’s smilin’. Cuz she’s laughin’. Just excited that we’re both still breathing. Still, smile on her face and laugh in her throat, she’s cowering beneath a cars trunk, beggin’ me to stop. The beggin’s doin’ somethin’ to me too. Fuck.

I pick her up, slingin’ her over my shoulder, she yelps. Don’t she know how this shit works yet? “Fuckin’ quiet, Beatle. Dumb bitch.” I slap her ass once and she fuckin’ yelps again. “Wha’ did I just say?” And I slap her ass again. This time she’s quiet.

Shit, that worked? Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. My dicks hard.

I’unno if it’s cuz I never carried a girl over my shoulder like this, cuz I spanked her couple times, or cuz she listened. My dick gets even harder and I realize it’s definitely fuckin’ all of it. But mostly that she listened when I told her what to do. Maybe I should tell her what to do more often. Fuck. ‘m not helpin’ myself, or my problem, at all.

I dip my head down to smell the sick I’m covered in to make it go away. It works. Even with her ass next to my face. So close I could bite it. For fucks sake. I put her down but she doesn’t run away this time. We walk slowly back to the group. Not sayin’ nothin’. Me, cuz I’m trying to focus on the smell of rotten flesh and definitely not Beatle beggin’ me to stop. Definitely not about what her face looked like when she felt my hand on her ass.

Wonder if she’s quiet cuz she’s thinkin’ about it too.

Wondering what she’s thinkin’ about and tryin’ to will away a stiffy. Fuck this fuckin’ high school bullshit. Like she reads my mind, I feel her needy little fingers snake into my hand. For a second I think maybe I’m smokin’ a cigarette I don’t remember havin’ but ‘m not. She’s just tryin’ to hold my hand.

At first it feels nice, and then I feel sick again. Too many questions unanswered. Too much shit that’s already happened. Can’t trust her. So I shake her hand off, “Stop.”

“Fine. Fuck you.” She stomps away and back into the RV. I’unno what the fuck’s wrong with me that it makes me smile. Do I like when she’s happy? Shit, I dunno. If I did, wouldn’t I not like it when she’s upset? So why does her being mad at me do it for me too?

✨🏹

Whatever.

She comes with me to go look for Sophia. Andrea stood up like she was gonna come too, but once Beatle and I are standin’ next to the RV Andrea doesn’t follow us out.

We don’t stray too far from the road. It’s dark, and mostly just came out here to help ease Carol’s mind. ‘m definitely goin’ soft. But I’unno. Hurts to watch people lose stuff. Their families. Hurts to watch people hurt.

Gonna hurt Beatle in a fuckin’ second if she doesn’t shut the fuck up. We’re walkin’ through the woods. At night. She’s gotta know this shit by now. “Beatle, keep your fuckin’ voice down. Please.” Did I just say please? Fuck me.

“Did you just say ‘please’?” Fuck. Me.

“Shut up.”

“Don’t think I know how.”

“Yeah, no shit.” She laughs, and it makes me smile. And that makes me feel sick to my stomach. Again.

Her voice cuts through while I’m makin’ myself even sicker thinkin’ about it, “You wanna play another game?”

My eyebrows raise in her direction, “Yeah, that went real well for ya last time.”

“Nevermind.” Her face falters and she crosses her arms across her chest.

“What, you don’t wanna get half naked and cry again?” And for fuckin’ once I wish Beatle had somethin’ to say back. Some smartass shit that isn’t even funny but she definitely means it to be. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. She just lets my question hang in the fuckin’ air and suffocate me. Cuz now I’m thinkin’ about her half naked and crying and my fuckin dicks hard again. What is this shit? Rock hard cock every time I pick on her now? ‘m not gonna be able to do this. She’s gonna notice. Where the fuck is a guy supposed to jerk off and relieve some of this shit?

On her fuckin’ face.

Shit.

She’s been quiet for too long and my brain won’t stop. It’s just getting worse. Images of her now, her face covered in my cum, her lips humming together making little bubbles with it, smiling. Shit.

Beatle, say something. Anything.

“How big’s your dick?” Not. Fucking. That.

She listens… right? She wants it, right? Why else would she ask that? Now, when it’s just the two of us out in the woods in the dark. She wants me to show her.

So show her.

“Beatle.” My voice is low, barely there. Just a rasp of a word.

She turns around, ready to explain herself before she even looks at me, “I-“

“C’mere.” If I don’t cut her off she’s gonna say she was just jokin’ but we both know she ain’t jokin’. She wants ta know. So she’s gonna know.

Feel like I can see her blushin’ in the moonlight as she walks toward me, even though I can’t. Just know she is. Smile on her face like I ain’t about to wipe it off with my cock. Shit, hard as a fuckin’ rock right now. I rub my palm over the length of it, and I watch her eyes follow my arm down. Watch ‘em get bigger, wide and nervous, and it makes my dick twitch against my jeans. I pull out a smoke and light one, for a second I see a disappointment in her face, thinkin’ maybe I’d just called her over to share a smoke. Naw. “Down on your knees.”

And Jesus Christ, does she kneel so fuckin’ fast. She stares straight ahead, and somethin’ comes over me. Can’t wait. Don’t want to. Don’t need to. Beatle does what I ask, at least when it comes to this. Like a good little slut would. That is what she’s good at, ain’t it?

So maybe it’s a little fucked up that I grab her head and force her against the rough fabric of my jeans. Pushing my cock into her cheek as hard as I fuckin’ can. Holding her by the hair and rubbing her face on me.

But this little bitch moans. At first I wasn’t sure, but she keeps fuckin’ moaning. She likes this. Somethin’ close to a laugh escapes my throat, past the cigarette between my lips. I take it with my fingers, letting one hand go from her head, the other hand pulls her back to look up at me. Her expression absolutely blown. She just looks at me for a second, before putting her face back on my cock on her own. It’s not the same amount of pressure but it still feels fuckin’ good. And somethin’ about her doin’ it on her own. Like she can’t fuckin’ help it. Like she needs it.

She’s starts to lick at the fabric right where my head is and my dick spasms again at the sight of it. This time she can feel it underneath her mouth. She smiles up at me, smirkin’ down at her. Putting the cigarette in my mouth, I drag it, before bringing it down to her lips. A little reward for listening.

She drags it once and I drop it on the ground. Beatle says “Thank you.” In the smallest voice I ever heard come out of her mouth. Fuck. I could fall in love with this Beatle. It’s just your dick talkin’ Dar, don’t get crazy.

I grunt a laugh and start to unbuckle my belt. Unbutton my pants. Barely have my cock in my hand ‘fore her mouths around it. I pull her back by her hair, sharply. She winces in pain and reaches up to her head where I’m holdin’ on. Her eyes shoot up to look at me.

God, fuck, what I wouldn’t give to have that image burned in my brain for the rest of my life. Her face, all discomfort and contempt because I won’t let her touch me. Like she’s fuckin’ dying for it. “Nah, keep your mouth shut Beatle. Gotta learn ta do what yer told.”

She nods, and closes her lips. Looking from my eyes back down my body again. I lean back, takin’ myself in my hand and pressing my cock into her face.

For a while I just rub myself all over, letting her feel the weight of it. Letting her know just how big it really fuckin’ is. Lifting it off her face and smackin’ her cheeks. Makin’ her flinch, her eyes squish closed but I press my hard cock against her eye and push up forcing her eyelid open. Fuck. I do the same thing with her lips. Smushing and rubbing the head of it into her lips to open them, I fuck against her mouth for a second. Beatles groaning and moaning but she doesn’t open her mouth. Somethin’ about it makes me need to cum. Now. No more fuckin’ around. “Open up.”

She does. I spit into her open mouth, and she moans again, without swallowing it. Like a good slut. “Fuck, Beatle. Shit. Now stick your tongue out.”

She does. I can see my spit falling off her tongue and I quickly catch it with my cock, before smearing as much of the slick spit from her mouth onto me. Taking myself from the base, holding hard to cut off the circulation. Always feels better when I do that. Rubbin her tongue with my cock til I can’t fuckin take it anymore. I’m about to fuckin’ cum. I pull away for only a second, my breathings all fucked and I can barely speak, “Close yer mouth.” She looks confused for a second but closes her mouth. Good. Was about to smack her.

My left hand finds a place on the back of her head again, gripping into her hair to hold her in place. I push my hips forward and put the whole length across her face. My other hand pressing myself down into her from above her. And I fuck myself on her face. Grunting and sloppy and desperate to cum. Never done this before, shit, does anyone do this? But fuck, it’s so fuckin’ hot. Her lips and her cheeks and her eyelids and her nose all squished and being fuckin’ ruined by my cock. Shit. Fuck.

Right as I’m about to cum I put both hands around her head and hump her face like… I don’t even know. I feel fuckin’ insane, but she’s still moaning at the feeling of being used. Not even in a way that should be enjoyable to her.

I don’t think I’ve ever cum that much in my whole fuckin’ life. Most of it ends up in Beatle’s hair, but there’s still a whole lot of it on her face. I mess with it for a second. Swirling my puffy post-nut dick in it before I get oversensitive.

I put myself away, and sit down on the ground next to Beatle. Still in the exact same position. I let her kneel there, don’t tell her she can move or nothin’. Guess that’s why she doesn’t. Don’t think she can open her eyes either. S’funny.

Relighting the short I’d dropped to the ground, I pull a bandana from my pocket. “Is it big, Beatle?” I ask her while I wipe only her mouth off, and put the cigarette between her lips.

She sucks on the filter, and smiles. “Yep.”

Eventually I wipe off her eyes too. Can’t do anything about her hair though, so I promise to find her a hat from one of the cars on the walk back.

And I don’t let myself think about what this might mean. Who cares? I don’t. Don’t think Beatle does neither. We’re just goin’.

pt 5

A/N: Yeah okay, I know. Daryl’s all back and forth. Does he not give a shit about Merle and Beatle? Does he know deep down they never did anything together? Or maybe he just wasn’t thinking about it at the time? He’s confused, guys. He also really doesn’t have all the information (Eventually he’s gonna ask but first we have to deal with Sophia. Sorry. I don’t want to either.)

#daryl dixon smut #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon imagine

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arcadian-litterateur · 3 months

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sick of kissing you in my head (when can it be real instead?) | modern au!gally x fem!reader

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summary: your boyfriend, gally, is across the country, and despite the struggles a long distance relationship can bring, your love is strong enough to carry you through the long distance season of your relationship. but spending your birthday without him is different than spending normal days separated, and you know deep down that nothing will make you happy on your birthday when he’s all you need.

word count: 8k holy—i really didn’t even realize how long this was till i checked the wc omg

warnings: emotional meltdown, mention of anxiety and anxiety meds, brief mention of panic attacks

a/n: hey guys! i love love love the song this is based off of: all i need (the distance song) by avery lynch. it's such a good song. this was supposed to just be fluff about visiting your bf gally, and then it turned into a whole thing lol. so yeah, i hope you guys enjoy this long ass one shot. i really really enjoyed writing it.

“𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘧 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦. 𝘪𝘧 𝘪 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥. 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵’𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥.”

𝗥𝗢𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 onto my side, legs brushing against my sheets, I smile at the FaceTime call on my phone, but it's bittersweet. On the other end of the video call sits my boyfriend, the soft smile on his face mirroring my own. From where he sits, I can see the San Francisco skyline out his hotel window, highlighted by the rising sun.

“I miss you,” I mumble, studying the lines and contours of his face and wondering if they've changed since the last time I saw him in person. If I've missed any change; any detail while we've been separated. If anything has changed or tipped the balance since we've been apart.

I'm not insecure in my relationship with Gally, but be long distance for enough time and everyone gets in their head about it. Catches themselves wondering; doubting.

“I miss you more every time we have to part,” I add, watching the bitter take over the sweet in my boyfriend's eyes for a few seconds before he replies.

“I know, baby, I know.” His gaze wanders into the space between the atoms, his mind leaping forward into the future as he assures both me and himself, “Once my contract with WCKD Enterprises is up, I'll be able to move back to Denver. We'll be back in the same city.”

My smile is tired, only half there, and Gally knows it. It's been months since I've held him in my arms. This long distance routine is wearing us both out. We're both running out of steam—not for each other; not for our relationship, but for the complexity that being long distance has brought to our relationship. Conflicting schedules, spotty internet, the deprivation of physical contact with the person we crave it from the most…it's all beginning to pile up, and we both know it.

In an attempt to change the subject, I ask, “When is your flight back to Chicago again?” I already know, but I'm not sure what else to say, and besides, it's always good to check.

“Your birthday,” comes the cheeky reply, my eyes rolling of their own accord as I secretly admire the handsome grin on my boyfriend's face. But all too soon, his grin fades.

“I'm sorry I can't be there for your birthday,” he says gently. I wave him off, assuring him that I'll be just fine.

“Bren, Tes, and Sony are planning something. Won't tell me what, though.” I sigh before admitting, “It won't be the same without you. But your work's important.” Gally smiles gratefully, but there's cracks in the smile, and my stomach sinks. Guilt over my last comment settles in my digestive tract. “Sorry,” I mumble.

“No, no, don't apologize,’’ Gally says quickly. “You're allowed to be sad that I can't be there.” His amiable grin morphs into a scowl, “Tried to get Janson to give me the time off, I really did. But that rat wouldn't do it.” I give Gally what I hope is a reassuring smile.

“It's okay, babe.” We fall into silence, not necessarily comfortable, but not bad either, before Gally interjects,

“It'll be nice to be in my own apartment, though. I'm getting sick of all these Californian hotels. I'll be glad to be home, smog and noisy L-trains galore.” I chuckle, knowing that Gally loves Chicago because of its quirks, not in spite of them.

Still, Denver has always been home to me. But Gally and I've decided to cross that bridge when we get to it. We've got enough to think about as it is.

I'm trying to come up with another conversation topic, since I don't have work until later today, but unfortunately, Gally isn't so lucky. It’s the perks of working from home as a crisis hotline counselor, I guess. The hours aren’t as demanding, since the work itself is.

“Shoot, I have to go,” he hisses. “I'm sorry, princess. I'll call you tonight?” I nod, forcing myself to look forward to tonight's call, rather than be sad that this one is ending. “Alright, good that,” Gally grins. “I love you, babe!”

“I love you, Gal,” I smile and wave goodbye. The half-baked grin melts right off my face once he's hung up. Gosh, I miss him so much.

There's only so much comfort a video call can give.

Teresa calls me soon after Gally hangs up, blabbering on and on about a date she'd had with some guy named Ben, but I can't focus on her stories like I normally would. Usually, I'm all in to hear my friend's tales, but my mind is still fixated on the miles separating Gally and I. Something in me wonders how much longer we'll be able to go without holding each other. How much longer we can stand to be separated.

When we first started dating, I could have gone months, as long as we were still interacting. But as my love for Gally increased, the length of time I could stand to be without him decreased.

I'm fully, unashamedly in love with Gally now, and part of me wonders what I would do to be living in the same place as him. To be in his arms for good. The easy answer—the most raw answer—is anything. I'd do anything for him.

“(Y/N)?” Teresa's voice brings me out of my thoughts, her suspicious tone confirming that she's noticed my lack of focus today. “You weren't listening, were you?” To an outsider, her tone might sound harsh; reproachful, even, but I know her too well. She's not mad. Just annoyed she'll have to repeat her story if she wants me to hear it.

“I'm sorry,” I mumble, and it's sincere. I am sorry that I lost focus. But I don't apologize for pining after my faraway boyfriend. There's no reason to, for one, and two, I won't ever apologize for thinking of him. For missing him.

Teresa is grinning at my distracted tone, I can tell. Even through the phone, I can tell. “You're good. Dreaming about your bae, aren't you?”

I don't hesitate to admit, “Yes. I miss him more than I thought was even possible.” I hear Teresa's hum from the other end of the phone.

“You need to see him,” she declares. I scoff.

“Believe me, I know, and we're trying to figure out when he can next visit, but we're both just so busy.” Teresa clucks her tongue, the sound distorting oddly through the phone speaker. I imagine it running across the telephone poles, through the wires, twisting and bending and knotting out of shape as it flies all the way to me.

“I didn't mean like that, (Y/N). You need to go see him.” I chuckle, I wish I could.

“He's busy, Tes. Besides, he isn't even in Chicago right now,” I reason. This doesn't deter her.

“Well, when will he next be in Chicago?”

“His flight's on my birthday.”

“That's perfect!” Teresa squeals.

“How is that perfect?” I huff.

“You can fly out and spend your birthday with him! Surprise him!”

I actually laugh at this. “Um, no, I can't. I don't have the kind of money to just throw down for plane tickets. Besides, weren't you, Brenda, and Sonya planning something?”

“Well, yeah, but we could always change plans if we needed to,” Teresa says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. On any other day, I would entertain this kind of silly daydreaming, but today, I already felt lonely enough.

“Sorry, Tes. Those spontaneous decisions are not my cup of tea,” I sigh, and I think she can tell I'm shutting the conversation down. She lets it go, and I thank her silently, forcing the ache in my heart left by Gally's absence to venture to the back of my mind. If I waste the day away, it'll be evening again, and then he'll call, just like he said.

And so despite the fact that I know wasting the days away is bad for me, I do it anyway. Just today, I tell myself. Just today.

Of course, I know I'll do it again tomorrow, and the next day, and all the hours in between my calls with Gally. It's ridiculous, how they all say having space helps one think clearer, when having space just distracts me by making me miss him that much more.

When he's gone, I'm reminded that much more that he's all I need.

_______________________________

𝗜𝗧’𝗦 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗡 p.m. by the time Gally calls, his eyes lighting up when he sees me despite the exhausted, burnt out look on his face. I'm equally as ecstatic as he is to revel in the gaze of my lover, both of us simply brushing every inch of each other's faces with our eyes, memorizing each other for the millionth time. It won't be the last time, either. I could never get tired of scanning my gaze across his skin, memorizing every inch of his beautiful face.

In our current situation, it's the closest I can get to kissing every inch of his beautiful face.

Gally is the first to break the silence, and I'm okay with it. He's the one who's had a long day. He knows what he needs to talk or not talk about. I just love hearing his voice.

“How was your day, baby?” he asks, a tired sort of happiness seeping into his voice. Like I'm giving him some kind of rest just by smiling at him.

“It was good. Uneventful.” I shrug, knowing that I'd barely moved from the chair I occupied now. “The real question is, how was your day, my love?”

Gally grins at the pet name. He always does. It's the same reaction that I have whenever he uses terms of endearment on me. It's our own personal love language of sorts. How many different ways can I call you mine?

“My day was okay,” Gally says quietly, sighing when he sees the look on my face. The one that tells him to lay it on me; rant if it'll make him sleep better tonight. “Well, it was…mediocre,” he amends, running a hand through his short hair. “Tim was being an ass. As always.” I nod sympathetically, understanding the deep hatred he harbors for his coworker.

Why Gally doesn't like Tim, I'm not exactly sure, but I know it has something to do with taking credit for a project that Gally did all the work on. It resulted in a harsh lecture from their boss for Gally, who was presumed to have slacked off, and a promotion for Tim.

Anyone who knows Gally knows that he would never slack off. He takes duty and work seriously; more seriously than anyone else I've met, in fact. I know my boy. He wouldn't hurt his company's productivity, even if his boss is an asshole like Janson.

“I'm sorry Tim was giving you trouble, baby,” I croon, watching the aches and tension of the day seeping out of his stiff shoulders at the sound of my voice. His smile weaves its way back onto his face. It's a soft, vulnerable smile, the one that makes me want to take him in my arms and just hold him like the precious treasure he is.

“I wish I could hug you,” Gally groans, rubbing his chin with his fingers before trying to regain his composure. “Sorry…I don't mean to bring everything up again. I just…I just miss you.” My comforting smile wobbles, knowing that those same thoughts are eating away at me inside, but I bring the happy thoughts back to the surface and my grin rights itself.

“Soon, love, soon,” I murmur, knowing I can't truly promise anything with how busy our lives have become. But soon doesn't have a time slot or expiration date. I can promise soon and define it later. All I know is that it brings a smile to my boy's face, and that's what I need right now.

We spend the rest of the night talking, lifted by the promise of Soon, love, soon, knowing that it could very well mean a long, long time.

_______________________________

𝗦𝗨𝗡𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗦 in my bedroom window, blinding me when my eyes flicker open. But once I blink away the black spots in my vision, I see that the sunlight isn't the only reason I was pulled from the comforting arms of sleep.

Brenda, Teresa, and Sonya are standing at my bedside, my sheets in a bunched up ball in Sonya's hands. I groan, trying to roll away, but Bren, ever the fearless one, grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to face them.

“Get up, (Y/N). No spending the day moping,” she orders. I heave out an exaggerated sigh, making my body intentionally limp as Brenda and Teresa each grab one of my arms, pulling me upright until I have to support my own weight.

“Sometimes I really regret giving you guys my apartment passcode,” I comment, leading Sonya to pinch my arm. I yelp, rubbing the red mark as I get manhandled out of my pajamas and into a new outfit by my best friends. “What—what are you crazies doing?” I splutter, quickly taking the pair of jeans from Teresa's hands before she can try to shove them on my legs, opting to put them on myself.

“We aren't letting you mope around until Gally visits. Who knows how long that would be? It's not healthy,” Sonya explains, linking an arm through mine as the three girls drag me to the bathroom. Brenda shoves my toothpaste-loaded toothbrush into my hand as Tes starts pulling my hair brush through my hair.

“Ow,” I complain around a mouthful of toothpaste suds, pulling away from Teresa's assault on my tender scalp momentarily to spit. She and Sonya make quick work of my slightly frizzy hair, tag teaming it to create a fun yet elegant braid.

“Beautiful,” Sonya sighs, leaning back to admire her handiwork. Brenda, on the other hand, seems to have some kind of mental checklist, full of all the tasks she must see me complete.

“Breakfast is next,” she commands, and I find myself being pulled into my kitchen, watching helplessly as my friends dive into making us a scrumptious, sugary feast.

I have to admit, the fluffy blueberry pancakes filling my stomach certainly make venturing out into the world much easier than I expected. I only feel the need to text Gally three times before leaving my apartment with my friends, rather than the usual five to ten. Whether these texts are to let him know I'm fine or to make sure he's fine, I've never been able to figure out. Maybe they're both. Either way, it's a good thing Brenda shoved my meds into my hand before breakfast.

When I'm here alone, I don't take them. Sometimes I skip them on purpose, sometimes I just forget. But either way, I don't take my anxiety meds unless Brenda is there to shove them down my throat. Thinking about it, I'm grateful she's here to force me to take them today. With all of these mixed up feelings about being separated from Gally for so long, having more control over my anxiety will be good.

A day shopping with my best friends is a good distraction from the painful loneliness I've been feeling without Gally. It's not exactly a cure, but it's close. My friends know this; know their own limitations, and so they do the best they can.

And I'm so grateful that they've put in the time. Put in the effort. All for me.

“Thank you,” I whisper to them as we sit in our favorite coffee shop, sipping oat milk lattes.

“Of course,” Brenda immediately responds.

“We love you,” Sonya adds.

“We know we aren't your boy,” Teresa chimes in, “but we're your best friends, and that means we stick by you. No matter what.” She leans over to rub my arm. “When you're down, I'm down. We wanted to help pick you back up.”

The smile on my face is genuine for the first time in a long time, knowing that my friends love me enough to support me despite having the knowledge that they can't give me everything I need. They give what they can, and accept me when it doesn't fix everything.

I haven't always had friends this good, and I look up at the sky, thanking the heavens that I've been blessed with such good friends now.

_______________________________

𝗧𝗪𝗢 𝗗𝗔𝗬𝗦 before my birthday, I can’t get Teresa’s half-joking, hare-brained idea out of my head. Realistically, I know that the likelihood that I could find a flight on my birthday to Chicago that isn’t full (or way too expensive) is slim. Realistically, I know that I don’t have the money for plane tickets right now. Realistically, I know that flying halfway across the country on a whim to see my boyfriend is ridiculous.

But when Gally sends me his flight information, knowing I like to watch his progress and get confirmation when he lands safely, I find myself checking flights from Denver to Chicago, telling myself it’s just out of curiosity. Because what if there is a flight to Denver from Chicago on my birthday? What if there is a possibility that I could see Gally on my birthday? What if there is a chance that I could have this gift; the only one I truly want?

If there’s even a chance to see Gally on my birthday, I want to know.

Gally’s flight information is pulled up on my phone, which is next to me on my desk as I scroll through flights on my laptop. My right thumbnail is between my teeth, bitten down to the quick and then some. It seems that flying is a popular travel option right now, as flights are filled even into places like Dawson County, Montana. Every flight I find from Denver to Chicago is either full or too expensive for someone just out of college, like me. The cheapest is $374, and I know rationally that blowing through that much money would be devastating for my finances.

I swear under my breath, angry at myself for even getting my hopes up. It was a stupid idea to check the flights, and I find myself wishing I could go back in time to stop myself from looking. The disappointment grows even larger knowing that there would be a way to get to him if I wasn’t a broke post-college student making minimum wage in the Mile-High City. Then the disappointment and anger melt away, leaving me with a heart wrenching sadness that feels so empty and yet so all-consuming that I can’t help but break down into tears.

I don’t want to let myself cry about a silly daydream that was unlikely to happen anyway, but I’d let myself entertain the thought of seeing Gally soon; of holding him close and kissing him until we couldn’t breathe, and now everything else seemed pale in comparison. It wasn’t that my life had no purpose outside of him—I’d made it very clear when we started dating that the two of us needed to make sure we had lives outside of our relationship, too. But Gally had become a part of me; my favorite part of me, in fact. I was perfectly happy with the life I had, but Gally made it even sweeter. And knowing that sweetness was mine but was inaccessible made the absence of it even more palpable. Even more unbearable.

Crumpled into a heap on my floor with tears slowly leaking from my eyes is how Teresa finds me when she opens my door fifteen minutes later. “Hey, girl—” she calls before seeing me, rushing to my side with a worried, “Oh, my gosh, what’s wrong, (Y/N)?” I just shake my head, the waterworks turning back up to full blast.

“I miss him so much,” I sob as she gathers me in her arms, unable to care that I sound pathetic.

“Oh, I know, darling, I know,” Teresa coos, rocking back and forth with my shaking body, whispering comforting words into my ears just like she always does when I get so worked up. My chest heaves as I try to catch my breath, hand flying up to wipe the snot from my nose, but of course, the minute it’s gone, more replaces it. I’m past the point of an easy calm-down, instead finding myself close to the edge of hyperventilating. Thankfully, Teresa isn’t a stranger to my emotional meltdowns, and she isn’t afraid of them, either. Instead, she’s the kind of friend who will take my hand and guide me through it.

“Did you take your meds this morning?” she asks cautiously, to which I shake my head in embarrassment. Tears are still pooling in the corners of my eyes as I manage to get out,

“I’m sorry.”

Teresa just shushes me calmly. “Don’t apologize. It’s in the past now. I just wanted to know.” I nod shakily, the soothing pressure of her hand rubbing my arm helping me steady my breaths slightly. “What set you off?” she queries, squeezing me a bit tighter when the tears speed up again.

“I—I decided to check the flights for my birthday,” I answer, sniffling as my best friend strokes my hair lovingly. “It was stupid, because it just made me upset. They’re all too expensive, and I knew they would be, and it just made me miss him so much more.” Admitting it out loud makes me feel even dumber, the guilt creeping into my stomach. “I did this to myself,” I mumble. Subconsciously, my nails find their way to my arms, digging into the delicate skin and leaving pink crescents behind. Teresa pulls my hands away from my arms quickly.

“Stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong. I would’ve done the same, (Y/N).” I know she’s trying to comfort me, but I just squeeze my eyes shut.

“Yeah, and it wouldn’t have caused you to end up on the floor like a pathetic child.”

“(Y/N)! Stop!” Teresa scolds me. “Stop with the negative self-talk.” I try to protest, but she fixes me with that no-nonsense look that can get anyone to agree to anything, and I find myself nodding meekly. “None of this is your fault. You’re in a difficult situation, being separated from your boyfriend, and your heart isn’t sure how to handle it. That’s okay. You don’t have to know how to handle it perfectly yet.” I sigh, leaning into my best friend’s shoulder, feeling slightly calmer now. She always knows the right words to say when I’m in too deep to think straight.

Teresa coaxes me into the kitchen to drink hot chocolate once my breathing has steadied somewhat. She’s looking at me with an odd look that I can’t quite place, as if she’s…proud of me?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask warily over the top of my steaming mug. My best friend grins, staring at me for a couple more seconds before replying,

“You’re just, like, the strongest person I know.” My face turns what I assume is beet red at the compliment, not expecting such high praise from the woman who just held me in her arms as I sobbed like a baby. But then again, Teresa is special. She doesn’t judge based on outward appearances or impressions. She can see right into the heart of people, as if she can sense their goodness; their potential, and then she nudges them down that path. Helping them choose the sunshine. The good side. The light.

Knowing her compliment is slightly overwhelming, Teresa shrugs and changes the subject so fast I think I get whiplash. “You should call Gally,” she suggests. “Tell him that you were missing him and ask him for some love.” I cringe, turning away from her.

“I don’t want to make him feel bad that he isn’t here. I think I’ve already done that too much this week.”

Teresa scoffs, “That’s nonsense. He’ll be happy that you reached out to him after your meltdown. He’ll be touched that you wanted to let him know how you’re doing. He’ll feel honored that you’re willing to be vulnerable with him.” I know deep down that she’s right; that the only thing he’d do is make me feel better. Never after calling Gally do I feel worse. I know I’m just scared to hurt him, but he always assures me that I don’t need to harbor that fear. I don’t need to hold onto that anxious voice in my head that whispers, You don’t deserve him.

I can even imagine him next to me if I try hard enough, murmuring, “You’re perfect, baby,” when I grow insecure. Whispering, “I’m so lucky to have you” in my ear when I doubt myself.

“Okay,” I agree, letting Teresa take my phone and FaceTime him. Despite the fact that it’s the middle of the work day, Gally picks up on the first ring, a concerned look decorating his handsome face.

“Teresa? Wha—”

“She’s fine!” Teresa rushes to assure him, motioning for me to join her on the couch. I pop my head into the frame, wincing as I see how swollen and puffy my face is. Gally’s forehead immediately creases upon seeing me, obviously still worried when he sees the tear stains on my cheeks.

“Babe, are you okay?” he asks. Teresa silently asks if I want to take the phone, but I shake my head. My hands are still slightly shaky, and holding the phone is an added stressor. Teresa understands and angles the phone towards me.

“Yeah, I’m okay, don’t worry,” I whisper, my boyfriend’s shoulders relaxing only slightly. “I just had a bit of a meltdown. Teresa found me and helped me calm down.” Gally’s eyebrows soften, his mouth tilting down in a sympathetic frown.

“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “What happened?”

“I just miss you,” I mumble sheepishly after a second’s pause. It seems kind of silly once I admit it out loud, and I start to duck my face away when Gally gets my attention.

“Hey, (Y/N), (Y/N),” he says, waiting until I’ve turned back to him before continuing, “You don’t need to feel embarrassed. I miss you, too, okay? I miss you so much. You don’t need to feel ashamed for struggling.” He waits for me to respond, and I nod slightly. Truth be told, just hearing his voice has made me feel better; stronger. There’s something about his comforting, strong tone that soothes me. Just his voice can make me truly believe in myself. I swear, this man could make me believe anything as long as he says it aloud.

“Thank you for picking up,” I smile, finding my mood lightening as a grin finds its way back onto his face. “Seeing you helped.” Gally blushes slightly, rubbing a hand along his chin.

“I’m glad I could help, baby.” Offscreen, someone gruffly commands him to get back to work, and he mutters an apology before turning back to the screen. “I’m sorry, but I have to go. But call me if you need anything, okay?” I nod, trailing my eyes over his freckles one more time as he thanks Teresa for taking care of me and then hangs up.

“It helped?” she asks, as if double-checking to make sure I truly am feeling better.

“Yeah,” I grin sheepishly. “You know what you’re talking about.” With a roll of my eyes, I joke, “You should be a counselor for a living. At this rate, you’re better than me at my own job!” Teresa just laughs.

“Well, now that you’ve cracked a joke, I know you’re feeling better.” She pulls me into a hug, and I gladly return it, silently wondering how I got blessed with such an amazing best friend.

“Hey, I’m here for you,” she reminds me one more time as she leaves, her meticulous check-ins a promise for the next few days.

“I know,” I assure her. “I promise I’ll call if I need to.”

“Good,” she says, smiling as she waves. “I love you, babes!”

“I love you, too, Tes!” Feeling a bit lighter, I wave back as I close my front door.

_______________________________

“𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡’𝗧—I can’t take this,” I stutter the next day, wide-eyed at the wad of cash Teresa is currently shoving into my hands. Brenda and Sonya are flanking her on either side with looks that imply they’re attempting to telepathically convince me to take the money.

“Yes, you can,” Teresa sighs exasperatedly. “Like I already told you, it’s the money we were going to spend on your celebration pooled together. But we all know you’d rather spend your birthday with Gally, and we want you to be able to, so we’re giving you the money for that plane ticket you couldn’t afford. It would be a waste to throw you a party you don’t want to be at. Helping you see your boyfriend is a much better use of that money. We all agreed.” Brenda and Sonya both nod, Teresa shoving the cash even further into my palms. I take it shakily, counting silently as I gape at them. “But—but this is nine hundred bucks! I can’t—I can’t take this, I’m sorry!”

“Don’t be sorry!” Brenda sighs. “Just take the money! It’s our birthday present for you!” I look back and forth between my three best friends, realizing that there is no way they’re letting me reject the money. But it feels so weird having this many fifties weighing heavily in my grasp.

“Please take it,” Sonya says softly, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “We want you to be able to go see Gally. We want you to enjoy this birthday. You’ll be giving a gift to us by making this impulsive choice to do what makes you happy.” My resistance gets melted away by her words, knowing that this was their tactic all along. Get (Y/N) all toughened up to the ‘just take it’ ruse and then let Sonya slip under her defenses when she least expects it. But I’m not annoyed by it. Instead, I let Teresa close my fist over the cash.

Immediately, the three start cheering, but before I can even blink, they’ve moved on from celebrating and are pushing me towards my laptop where, just as I’m sure Teresa suspected, the flights from Denver to Chicago are still pulled up. Teresa obviously asked Gally to share his flight information with her, because she seems to have it memorized as she scans the flights.

“Alright, here’s the best one,” she announces after a few minutes of looking. “United, nonstop, leaving at 9:30 a.m. MT and arriving at 12:56 p.m. CT. It’s in the same terminal as Gally’s flight, and he lands at 2:23 p.m. CT, so that gives you a little over an hour to get to his gate and wait for him. Sounds good?” I nod wordlessly, still slightly in shock over the way my best friends have handled this so nonchalantly, as if their friend flying across the country on a day’s notice is just a normal part of their lives.

Sonya pulls me towards my room as Brenda takes the stack of cash back from me, mumbling that Teresa insisted they have it for show but was just planning on Venmoing the cash to me. I laugh at our friend’s antics before following an impatient Sonya, who grabs my suitcase from my closet and starts making a list of what I should pack.

“We’re not buying you a return flight,” she explains, “because we didn’t know how long you’d want to stay, and we figured you didn’t know either. Just bring your work stuff and you can work from Gally’s apartment, and use the rest of the money to buy a return ticket when you decide to come back.” I shake my head in awe at the schemes of my friends, who have obviously thought of every single anxiety I could have because of this plan and have set out to refute them.

With Sonya helping me pack, a task that would usually take me at least three hours, two cups of coffee, and a panic attack is done in under one hour, no coffee or panic attacks in sight. While I wouldn’t have minded the coffee, the no panic attack part is nice, and I decide I can live without those two cups of coffee if it means my peace of mind is intact.

And the next morning when Teresa drops me off at the airport, my medicine taken and an ample breakfast eaten, the nervous butterflies in my stomach don’t feel scary. In fact, they feel almost…exciting. And I feel crazy for doing this; for flying halfway across the country to surprise my boyfriend so I can kiss him on my birthday, but I also feel so alive.

And today, the idea of living doesn’t seem as scary anymore.

_______________________________

𝗔𝗦 𝗜 wait at my gate and sip my Starbucks latte, I answer the countless birthday texts I have already received, smiling at the overflow of love from people I talk to everyday and people I barely even know. It’s funny, knowing that there are people out there who remember my birthday but don’t talk to me otherwise. Some might feel disheartened at the idea, but I just giggle quietly to myself, wondering if I’m going crazy for feeling so lighthearted.

Maybe it’s the adrenaline, I think to myself. The adrenaline from doing something so stupid and yet so exciting. Shrugging to myself, I take another large gulp of coffee, finally getting to the text from Gally. I saved it for last, knowing it would be the best one. And sure enough, as I read the message, I feel happy tears pricking my eyes. As always, he’s sweet; sappy, even, but his message also holds the serious intensity that he always has around him. It’s like an aura, telling those around him that he does everything fully and completely, never giving only half of his effort. That intensity is probably why I love reading texts from him over and over. Even if it’s a simple good morning, his texts always seem to scream I love you from between the lines.

I text Gally back, thanking him for the love he’s sent zipping along telephone lines, across the country and all the way to me. I suck the last dregs of liquid from my Starbucks cup, finally accepting that the beverage is gone as the gate attendant calls for Boarding Group 1. I find myself bouncing from foot to foot, realizing once again that I’m really doing this. I can’t bring myself to sit down as I wait for my group to be called, instead standing by the gate’s charging station, fidgeting like I’m about to run the 100 meter dash. By the time I’m boarding, I’m breathing heavily like I just sprinted up Pikes Peak. Whether from nerves or excitement, I can’t really tell, but it’s enough that the flight attendant touches my arm as she checks the cabin.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” I look up in surprise before giving her a quick grin.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous.”

She smiles empathetically. “Is it your first time flying?”

“No. I’m flying out to surprise my boyfriend, and I guess I’m just hoping it all works out like I planned,” I explain.

At this, I receive an even bigger grin from the flight attendant, who thinks that is just—“the most adorable thing ever!” I nod along, unsure whether I’m actually smiling or just masking my anxiety. Either one is a plausible explanation, and I’m pumped so full of adrenaline that all of my emotions currently feel interchangeable.

I spend the entirety of take-off nervously fiddling with the little screen in front of me, trying to distract myself. Once we’re at a constant altitude, the flight attendants offer drinks, and I ask for a ginger ale, my go-to drink on airplanes. It calms me down, the comforting security of it helping me stay rational. Unfortunately, the ginger ale combined with my anxious thoughts cause my bladder to reach its limit quite quickly.

I hate the little bathrooms on airplanes. So loud, so claustrophobic, so turbulent. It’s like trying to pee while in the middle of an earthquake. But my bladder isn’t playing games today, and the last thing I want to do is ignore it and then pee myself. The intrusive thoughts fight to take over as I rush through the motions, washing my hands as quickly as possible, but I stave them off and make it back to my seat in one piece.

The remaining hour until landing is the longest hour of my life.

When we finally touch down and taxi to our gate, all of the tension that has built up inside me feels ready to explode, but I hold it in, knowing that I can let it all out once I see Gally. It’s barely even occurred to me that I’m a year older now—that it’s my birthday—because all I can think about is getting to hold my boy.

I almost trip getting off the plane, too busy checking his flight’s progress and landing gate. His flight is still an hour and thirty minutes out, giving me more than enough time to go to the bathroom, get some food, and wait for him. I pull my suitcase behind me, so glad I decided to take everything in my carry-on, as I’m now realizing that baggage claim is outside the secure area of the airport. I break free from the flow of traffic heading in that direction, redirecting towards the bathroom.

One bathroom trip, makeup refresher, and food court scavenger hunt later, I’m standing against a column at Gally’s gate, drinking my second Starbucks latte of the day. Normally, I wouldn’t let myself indulge like this, but it’s my birthday, so I feel justified. I even treat myself to a slice of sweet bread, too. I’m too anxious to eat a full lunch. Besides, I’m sure Gally will be happy to get lunch on our way back to his apartment. He’s always willing to eat, no matter the time of day.

I’m trying my best not to look suspicious. There’s a flight leaving from this gate after Gally’s flight arrives, so I blend in, but my leg is bouncing nervously and my hands are shaking slightly. I’m a naturally energetic person, but the fidgeting increases exponentially when I’m either excited or nervous. Right now, I’m both.

Thankfully, no one seems to notice me or think I’m behaving weirdly. I’m simply overthinking, like I often do. At least it passes the time. I only have thirty minutes left to wait.

I run back to Starbucks and buy another latte. It’s gone within ten minutes, my anxious energy prompting me to gulp it down like I’m dying of thirst. Then I’m running to the bathroom again, bladder shouting angrily at me for the caffeine abuse I’ve been subjecting it to. It’s unpleasant, but it kills more time.

Ten minutes to go. I’m staring at my phone, Gally’s flight details pulled up, reloading the page over and over in hopes that magically, they’ll teleport and be here instantly. With anyone else, I wouldn’t be this obsessive; impatient, but it’s Gally. I could obsess over Gally for days on end with all the love overflowing from my heart. So I pass three minutes refreshing the page persistently, watching the minutes countdown.

I let out a quiet, barely there gasp when my phone screen tells me he’s landed. I can barely contain my excitement, nervous energy causing me to wiggle my hips like a rhythmically challenged dancer. His plane is on the ground, taxiing over, right to where I’m waiting. He’s going to walk through that gate, and I’m going to see his beautiful face, and I’m going to run and jump into my boyfriend’s arms.

All of a sudden, doubt crashes into me like a fucking tidal wave. What if he doesn’t want to see me? What if this is weird, and he’s going to be all awkward about it? What if this was one huge fuck-up? I can feel myself starting to spiral, starting to lose touch with the confidence I’ve been channeling all day. The panic has started to grow, and it surges through my veins, reaching to the tip-top of the cliff that is followed by a plunge off the deep end. Thankfully, though, with only a few minutes to spare before my boyfriend gets off his plane, a little girl in a princess dress bumps into me, hard, causing my knees to buckle and my head to snap out of the spiral it’s in.

I catch myself against the trusty column I’m leaning against, looking down to find a young girl, maybe six, wearing an Elena of Avalor dress-up costume with a stuffed animal that looks like some kind of leopard with bird wings.

“Amity!” her mother scolds her, ordering her to apologize for bumping into me. Amity looks up at me with big, brown doe eyes and a huge, genuine grin.

“I’m sorry, Ma’am,” she chirps. I smile back, making eye contact with her mom, before crouching down to her level and holding out a hand to shake.

“I forgive you. I’m (Y/N). Want to know something?” Amity shakes my hand, grinning widely, before looking at her mom as if to make sure it’s okay to talk to me. Her mom gives a gentle nod, a kindness in her eyes as they meet mine. “Well, Amity, you actually helped me just now. I was feeling super duper nervous and it was making me get shaky and worried. But then you bumped into me, and I saw your smile, and it made me feel a lot better!”

I can tell Amity’s mother is touched, and I make sure to assure her that I’m doing better. That Amity’s little scuffle with my legs was truly helpful. And then Amity and her mom are on their way, Amity’s tight hug and whisper of “You look like a princess” giving me the last boost of confidence I need.

Right as I finish waving goodbye to the adorable little girl, I hear the sounds of passengers starting to come down the jetway. I suck in a sharp breath, making sure my small suitcase and jacket are safe by the column before stepping closer to the junction between gate and jetway, watching passengers closely as they start to trickle into the airport.

It’s no surprise that I can pick Gally out of the crowd immediately after he walks out of the jetway, his head easily peeking over every other passenger. He doesn’t see me at first, focused on trying not to trample the small toddler whose family is trying desperately to get him to behave as they walk in front of my boyfriend.

I wait until he’s right there, just the toddler’s family in front of him, to call his name. “Gally!” His head snaps up, eyes scanning the surrounding area before settling on me, his jaw going slack, falling open in surprise as the toddler’s family quickly moves out of the way.

It’s like we’re living in slow motion, the way I watch Gally’s backpack slide out of his hand and hit the floor with a thump, his look of shock morphing into a state of joyous disbelief, as if he’s not sure he’s truly seeing me. He looks frozen in this state, unable to move towards me, but I don’t care. I’m already running up to him, happy tears gathering in my eyes as I jump into Gally’s arms, my head burying itself in his neck before I lean up to kiss him with all the pent-up love, tension, and nerves that have been coursing through my body all day.

His lips are warm just like they always are, soft and full and inviting as we kiss passionately; shamelessly, right in front of everyone waiting to board their flight. I can’t bring myself to care, anxiety nowhere to be found now that I’m here. In his arms. Held tightly, kept safe, flooded with warmth, just like I’m supposed to be.

He pulls away first, still in shock as he scans my face, as if expecting to find some imperfection that reveals me as a doppelganger. “Baby—” he chokes out, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes, my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “Baby, you’re here.” He lets out a giddy, confused laugh, cupping my cheek with his hand as he wipes the remnant saltwater away with his thumb.

“You’re—you’re here. In Chicago,” he repeats, putting my feet back on the floor so I can stand there with my arms around his neck, his other hand coming up to cup my other cheek. “You’re—it’s your birthday!” he says, and I can’t tell if it’s another reason he’s confused I’m here, or if it’s just an observation. Well, probably both, so I just giggle.

“Yes, Gally, it’s my birthday.”

“But—did you—when did you get here?” he asked, bewildered, a lovestruck, excited smile lighting up his whole face. I run my hands through his hair, admiring his gentleness as he cradles my face in his palms.

“An hour and a half ago, I think. I’m not sure the exact timing,” I shrug. He gasps.

“You flew on your birthday?” I give him an odd look.

“Yes…why? Is that illegal or something?” Gally chuckles through the joy-filled tears still drifting down his face every once in a while.

“No, baby. I just thought—most people wouldn’t be willing to fly or even be at an airport on their birthdays. Don’t you have cool stuff to do? Fun people to see?” I shake my head, pulling him as close as I can, our lips hovering inches apart.

“You’re the only person I wanted to see. This is my birthday present.”

Gally’s eyes water even more as he presses his forehead to mine, running his hands through my hair. “Baby, I—” He pulls away to wipe a tear from his eye and then leans back down, pressing a gentle peck to my forehead, “I love you so much.”

“I love you even more, Gally,” I whisper back, staring into his teary eyes with my watery own. He chuckles, shaking his head.

“Not possible.”

“It is, too,” I giggle, still whispering as I press a kiss to his lips, “and I’m the birthday girl, so you have to let me win the arguments today.”

“Oh, that’s how that works,” Gally laughed, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Well, I suppose I can let you win this one, since you did fly all the way to Chicago on your birthday.”

“Oh, but that was selfish,” I smiled. “I wanted to see you. I needed to see you. It was purely selfish.” Gally just hugged me tighter, pressing kisses to the top of my hair as he admitted quietly,

“Well, I needed to see you, too. I needed to have you in my arms.” I relax into the warmth of my boyfriend’s chest, the material of his hoodie tickling my nose. I endure it because it smells like him, and that makes it the most calming aroma in the world.

“Being in your arms is all I need. You are all I need,” I whisper.

I kiss him again, a loving, sweet kiss, reveling in the presence and taste of my boyfriend, a sense of peace and safety wrapping its warm arms around me.

Nothing else matters in this moment. Not my job, or my life in Denver, or my birthday. All that matters is that I am here, in my boyfriend’s arms. In Gally’s arms.

Right where I’m supposed to be.

the end

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bugs1nmybrain · 7 months

Text

Shoulder - Tomura x Fem!Reader ◇ Non-S3xual MDLB

Listen I've put myself in a rabbit hole. I am embarrassed and ashamed. I am so sorry. My heart tugs for this boy. It was actually very sad to write this and I teared up a little to be honest. I want to hold him so bad, even if I die at contact. I don't know if I can tag this sfw only because I know the mommy dynamic weirds people out sometimes, but there is nothing sexual in this story at all.

This isn't a sexual fic but I would prefer minors to not interact.

Warnings: non-sexual mdlb (i am so ashamed), is it problematic? I have no idea, angst, reverse comfort, Tomura cries pretty hard, panic attack, unprescribed use of anti-anxiety meds, PTSD, mommy issues, nausea and vomiting, abandonment issues/separation anxiety, season 5 blue hair Tomura era (ignoring the Gigantomachia canon), reader is probably older than Tomura, reader is resistant to Tomura's quirk because the plot requires it, reader's POV, a lot of paragraphs start with "you" and "he" I'm so sorry

He was silent when he came home, not saying a word as he entered the bedroom. You watched as he just slid his shoes off and slumped himself on the bed, with himself turned to face the wall. He didn't acknowledge you.

This was unusual for him. It wasn't out of character for Tomura to be in a bad mood, but quiet wasn't typical. Usually, he would come complaining to you with his nasal voice, moaning and whining about how much he hated something or how bad his day went. It wasn't just that his silence that was concerning you. When you looked at him, he was breathing so heavily that you could see his back expand and shoulders rise and fall. At first, his breathing was slow and heavy, but it continued to build.

You left him be for a moment, not wanting to invade his personal space. Maybe he just needed a little time to himself. But when you went back to resume the task that you were doing before, you began hearing verbal, raspy breaths that sounded as if he was suffocating. You turned around to see Tomura's shoulders shaking, and he was closed in on himself. You realized that the only hands he had on him right now were the ones on his neck. His mother's.

You didn't want to upset him more, but you couldn't just watch him like this. You slowly approached him from behind and sat on the bed next to him. You didn't want to touch him yet, worried that he'd be startled or angered by the sudden sensation.

"Tomura?"

"What?" he rasped out, still gasping on the oxygen he managed to inhale.

"What's wrong?"

He didn't respond. His shaking got worse, and his breath seized to function. You could tell because his shoulders and back were no longer moving, and he was rigidly still.

"Tomura..." you reached out to rub his back, fearing that he'd snap, but he didn't. "Tomura, you need to breathe, okay?"

You rub firm circles on his back, and then motioned up and down. He was now only allowing small exhales come out through his nose, and his shaking stopped. Now, though, his body was tight and tense. You couldn't see it, but he was beginning to sweat.

"Tomura-"

"I need a bucket."

"Huh?"

"Now! I'm gonna puke!"

You didn't hesitate and rushed out of the room to grab a mop bucket from the kitchen closet. You returned fast, Tomura was now lying on his back with his eyes closed and furrowed, hands on his stomach.

"Here."

"I-" he was huffing in between words. "I" "I can't move" "I'm gonna throw up." "If I move I'm going to puke."

"It's okay, please sit up. You'll feel better if you let it out."

It takes you tucking your hand underneath his head and helping him to sit up for him to move. The moment he sat up, he snatched the bucket and hurled it into it. The sounds of him puking made you uncomfortable, but it sounded much more painful for him. It went all out quickly, though.

He holds out the puke bucket, signaling that he's finished.

"Are you done, baby?"

His mouth formed into an uncontrolled pouty frown and he held his head down. He only motioned a nod to tell you yes.

"Okay. I'm going to go put this outside for now and come back with a water."

Tomura mumbled an "mhm" and criss crossed his legs, head still facing downwards. You took the bucket and brought it out into the alleyway outside. You'd take care of it sometime later, but not now. All you wanted to do was make sure it wasn't stinking up the house, and to get back to your boyfriend to make sure he was okay.

When you came back your heart shattered. You watched in silence as Tomura sat there with a palm holding the sides of his face, crying. His sounds were very vocal, but when he realized you were back he began concealing them. He itched himself red as he cried, as if bugs were biting him all over. Slowly returning to his side, you began to stroke his long, blue hair softly. He shakes at your touch and his cries became uncontrolled, with breathy sobs and tears falling out from underneath his hand and he scratched vigorously.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You soothe at him gently.

"I can't-I can't breathe."

He was indeed still shaking and he sounded like he was choking on air. Your glance met the hands around his neck again, and you worried that they were causing more discomfort. You reach out to cup them, a little freaked out by it initially. They were dead hands, after all. Cold and lifeless.

"Maybe you should take these off."

"I can't. I need them! They're suffocating me! I hate this! I hate it..."

"I know, baby," he sobbed harder when you said that. "But they're hurting you. Just for a while, okay? You can put them back on later, once you've had a chance to catch your breath. Is that okay, sweetheart?"

His hand lifted off his face. He still averts his gaze, but he nods with a deep sigh. "Yea."

You proceed to remove the hands. It was hard, actually. They were snug on his neck so tightly, clasped together, and very difficult to separate from each other. You made sure to put them with the others, where they would be safe.

When you sat back on the bed you continued to rub Tomura's back. His tears soaked his lap, and his face was red.

"Hey, hey, hey..."You ran your fingers on his scalp for comfort. "Come here, Tomura..."

You gestured him toward your embrace and he latched onto you. His hold was tight and needy as he tugged on the back of your shirt and rested his face on your chest. His cries drenched your shirt and you could feel his heart pumping rapidly against your body. It felt like he was on the verge of a heart attack. You couldn't bare it.

"I have some anxiety meds, do you think that would help?"

He nods into your form and you try to get up from his embrace to get the medication. As you rise he pulls on your shirt, "please come back."

"I will, I promise."

It was sad, given that the meds were only inside of a drawer close to the bed. You got out a couple of pills and grabbed the water that you had gotten him earlier. Tomura wasn't prescribed these medications, but frankly, it didn't really matter right now. It wasn't like he hadn't committed far more severe crimes. He needed to calm down, or his body was going to collapse.

You move back on the bed and hold out the medicine and drink for him. He takes both with his trembling hands as you put your hand on his tense back again. The medication goes down easy, and he sits there with the water in his hand, shaking.

"You should drink more. You're going to be dehydrated because of crying."

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to be, I want to make sure you're taken care of."

The pout that returned on his face made your heart thump in sympathy. What was going on? You had never seen Tomura in this kind of state before. It was unlike him.

"What's wrong Tomura? Please tell me. I don't mean to be nosy, but I can tell something is hurting your feelings and I want to help if I can."

Tomura turns back to snuggle you close, holding your body as if his life depended on it.

"I don't know how to explain it. I don't understand why I'm like this right now. I just...I feel empty. I think I miss her? Like I'm grieving something I don't even know. I don't get it. I fucking HATE this so SO much!"

You didn't need clarification on who he was referring to. The hands, the needy physical touch, the balling whenever you would stroke his hair or call him "sweetheart" and "baby"...It was clear to see that there was a void within Tomura. One that he'd never be able to fill. He must have felt grief for what he didn't have, what he lost a long time ago.

"I'm sorry, babyboy. I really am."

The grip he made almost suffocated you, but it was okay. He needed this, and you wanted him to feel nurtured. Loved.

"I can't get her back. I never will. What if I lose you, too? What if you stop being resistant to my quirk? I don't want you to, I can't bear even thinking about losing you. It makes me feel sick."

"You won't lose me, I promise," there was something you weren't sure would help. You expect a negative response somehow, but you try to test the waters to see what could comfort him right now. "Mommy's not going anywhere."

If Tomura wasn't crying before, he surely was now. You were scared that you broke him, but his grip around your waist didn't loosen, and he held you so hard that you felt stuck. His tears seeped out harder as you stroked his hair with his head buried in between your warm chest.

"Does mommy love me? Have I been good for her?"

"Yes, baby. You're my good boy and you've been more than good for me. Mommy loves you with her whole entire heart, Tomura. I'll never let you go for as long as I have you."

The exchange of words was foreign and was awkward to process, but it felt natural even so. There was nothing about it that seemed sultry. It was a need for him. You were simply substituting a void for him, and you couldn't feel ashamed for being there to give him that affection and nurture that he hadn't had since murdered his family. You only knew about what he had told you, and he only knew about what his master told him. This regression was heart breaking for you to witness, but if you could comfort him, maybe it would be all better.

"I love you. I love you so much, mommy. I need you to be here. I need you to hold me."

"I will. I'll hold you all night long. You're such a perfect little boy, do you know that?"

Tomura snickers as tears escape his eyes, "Thank you."

"Of course, baby boy. You should rest, though. You've been through a lot."

"Will you sleep with me?"

"Yes. I'll be right here with you and beside you when you wake up, okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you, Tomura."

"I love you too."

#shigaraki tomura #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x fem reader #shigaraki angst #tenko shimura

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venturelovebot · 4 days

Text

A/N: It's night time and I feel like shit so fuck it we ball also not me recycling a text post I literally just made! Awesome

Premise: Anxious!reader headcanons because I need them rn

Warnings: Mentions of flashbacks and self harm. Nothing graphic. It's safe otherwise!

Buys a fidget ring for both you (to wear when you're not together) and them (to wear when you're together and need comfort). TEEHEE

Let's you hold their hand while using their fidget ring.

Always makes sure beforehand that anything you do together will not trigger your anxiety under any circumstances.

If they know something is going to trigger your anxiety they avoid it with you at all costs, unless you want to step out of your comfort zone in which they'll be with you every step of the way.

If someone else triggers your anxiety they'll personally deal with them. Usually isn't a person that does physical altercations but will not hesitate to knock someone out bop someone on the head if they're triggering you.

Will act as your "mouth piece" so they'll talk on your behalf if you're not able to do so.

Does the thumb thing.

If you need to cry just let them know and they'll hug you so close that it hurts.

Reminds you that they're here for you, that they aren't leaving you and that they'll always love you no matter what.

If you have flashbacks they'll do their best to bring you back to the present, but if they can't for whatever reason they'll bring you to a calm safe space until it's over.

Buys you a weighted plushie of your favorite animal so you can bring it with you wherever you go.

If you have a comfort object they will always be sure to bring it with them. Will protect it with their life, regardless of what it is!

If you take anxiety meds they have a pill case decorated with stickers they also carry around so you can take it when necessary.

If you're prone to self harm they make sure you're not alone whatsoever, even if that means hopping on the transatlantic monorail from Cairo at three in the morning because you woke up screaming and crying.

They always make sure there's nothing you can use to hurt yourself with before leaving just in case. It's not that they don't trust you, they just can't stand the thought of you even thinking about hurting yourself.

Doesn't mind if you call them super early in the morning because they know you need someone to talk to. Even if you fall back asleep they won't hang up the phone just in case.

If you struggle with self care they make a little reward sheet and every time you take care of yourself a certain amount of times they give you a reward (usually ice cream)!

If you're really, really struggling then they'll help you take care of yourself until you're able to do it on your own again. They won't ever let you go too long without proper self care.

Will not, under any circumstances, let themself be separated from you during a panic attack unless you strictly need to be alone, in which case they will always be nearby.

Whenever they have to leave they'll always be sure to call and text every day, but they'll also keep an "emergency kit" of things to do when you need it. It's full of things like stickers, stim toys, a couple of plushies, a soft blanket and handwritten notes you can read when you need them. ♡

Whenever they come back from traveling/studying/field work you're always the first person they visit, just to make sure you're okay. Always brings you back a little gift from wherever they go.

Loves and cherishes you despite your anxiety and always makes sure to remind you that you're not a burden to them in any way!

#i kinda went ham on these wow #:•)#now i feel better #overwatch #overwatch 2 #venture x reader #venture x you #venture overwatch #overwatch fanfiction #overwatch x reader #overwatch x you #sloane cameron #sloan cameron #ovw #ovw2 #f/o #why so many tags...............................

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useramor · 1 year

Text

of firefighters and french toast rating: G | word count: 2k

the one where dr. salazar and eddie's will lawyer are best friends (disclaimer, patient/client confidentiality? nonexistent for story telling purposes. pls ignore <3)

Aline Salazar didn’t often spend much time thinking about her patients. She went to work, took care of people’s hearts, sent them back into the real world, and when she went back home she made sure to leave all of their life stories in the hospital. It wasn’t a weight she needed to carry.

If she let herself get dragged down into the heart problems of Los Angeles, she’d drown.

So she does a good job at separating it. She has her wife at home, her two girls, and a small black cat that likes to curl around her ankles when she walks through the front door. She has her life at work, her coworkers that drive her up the wall a little bit but who she’s secretly incredibly fond of, and the secret stash of Reese’s peanut butter cups that she keeps in her office.

But she has to admit: the men of the 118 tend to linger in her mind.

The women, too. Hen’s well known. Badass paramedic who’s performed some tricky operations in the back of a moving ambulance. Aline’s heard the stories.

She’s never been in her office, though. Hen’s heart seems to be relatively intact.

Aline knocks on wood, just to be safe. The 118’s been through enough, they don’t need to send yet another member of their team to her. Keep them on the other side of the hospital doors; Aline’s starting to worry.

It’s Eddie that she thinks about most. Or, not most, but he’s crossed her mind more than once. Especially after Buckley got brought in after being struck by lightning, and one of the new doctors was complaining that Diaz was yelling at them as they wheeled him through the hospital doors.

Aline didn’t snort, because that feels a little rude and dismissive, and she does her best to not be either of those things, but…

It’s Buckley and Diaz. She’s seen them on the news—hell, she’s pretty sure most of Los Angeles has. They’re not celebrities or famous, but really (unless you count hospital fame, because, seriously, how are these men not dead yet?), but Eddie got shot in front of Buck. The video of Buck throwing him over his shoulder has just under a million views.

Honestly, Aline doesn’t know how she didn’t recognize him when he came in for his panic attack.

It was probably the girlfriend that threw her off. To be fair, the girlfriend seemed to be throwing Eddie off, too.

And, yeah, that’s the reason he’s stuck with her more than most.

She shakes her head. The only reason they’re even on her mind is because Evan Buckley just left her office. Because the man got struck by lightning.

Seriously, she can’t tell if God or the universe or whoever wants the 118 alive or dead. If it’s alive, they’ve sure got a twisted way of showing it. It’s getting to the point where, if Aline didn’t literally have access to their medical files, she’d probably assume they were supernatural at this point.

Currently, she’s in her car, on her way to meet up with her best friend for Monthly Mandatory Monday. It’s something Melanie came up with when, during her time in med school, they went almost six months without seeing each other, despite living in the same city. Melanie, her best friend since high school, decided that was unacceptable.

So now they clear out one Monday every month to get dinner and catch up. They usually see each other more often than that, considering life is finally in a place where it’s a little more settled, but the tradition stuck.

Her phone pings with a text where it’s sitting in the cup holder. She checks it at a red light.

Melanie:

Are you on your way 😁

Aline:

ETA 10 min

She gets a notification that Melanie liked the message, putting her phone away when the light turns green.

It takes her closer to fifteen minutes to get to the restaurant—a little French bistro that’s definitely more suited for brunch, but Melanie’s always insisted that food should not exist within societally constructed time frames, and if she wants berries and french toast for dinner, then she will have them.

Frankly, Aline’s always down for some well made, fluffy, cinnamon-y french toast.

“You, Dr. Salazar, are late.”

“You, Ms. Green, didn’t have any actual clients today.”

Melanie shrugs. “Mondays are paperwork days. I did not realize there would be this much of it.”

“That’s because you didn’t pay attention in class. Pretty sure anyone who goes to law school knows there’s gonna be paperwork involved.”

Melanie, unsurprisingly, has nothing to say to that.

“Anyway, how was your work day today?”

They’re briefly interrupted by a young girl coming by to take their orders. They don’t even need to look at the menu, both of them getting the same thing they get every time they come here.

She comes back with their drinks quickly, telling them with a polite smile that their food will be out shortly.

“As you were saying?” Aline turns back to her friend as the waitress walks away.

“Work? How are the hearts of the citizens of LA doing today?”

Aline chuckles, pouring water from the pitcher the waitress left into a mason jar.

“You remember that firefighter that got struck by lightning? I treated him today.”

Melanie perks up. She’s got an odd fascination with the LAFD.

“I feel like LA has some of the weirdest fire fighting accidents I’ve ever seen. I doubt Montana has this much excitement with their fire department. Just off the top of my head there’s been that weird blimp incident—didn’t realize blimps still existed, by the way—, two years ago all of the animals at the LA zoo were released onto the streets, we had a tsunami. Did you know the last time a tsunami hit the United States was in 1964? In Alaska.”

Aline smiles. “I did not know that.”

“Well, now you do.”

“Tell me about the firefighter. I saw some coverage of it on the news, he looked really familiar.”

“Pretty sure he’s been on television multiple times by now.”

Melanie takes a sip of her spiked lemonade, because her best friend has the alcoholic drink preferences of a high schooler.

“Probably. What about that other guy you saw a while ago? The panic attack one, have you seen him since?”

Aline snorts.

“No, but I’m pretty sure the lightning strike guy is his boyfriend.”

“Wait, didn’t he have a girlfriend?”

Aline nods. The waitress appears with their food, smiling kindly at them before leaving again.

The first bite is perfect, as it always is. The homemade syrup from the berries mixing with the cinnamon-sugar of the french toast is heavenly. She didn’t even realize she was this hungry until the flavors hit her tongue.

“God, this place is so good.”

“I know,” Melanie agrees. “Back to what you were saying?”

“Yeah, he had a girlfriend, but I’m pretty sure his panic attack was because of her? Probably some heavy repression and internalized sexuality issues. Not that I’m speculating about someone’s sexuality, but as a gay person who only realized her sexuality at thirty, I recognized some of his panic.”

“Classic. And he’s dating lightning strike guy?”

“I think? I mean, I’ve seen them at the hospital quite a few times. They always seem very friendly, I guess, for lack of a better term, and I heard through the grapevine that Eddie—panic attack guy—was yelling at the doctors when they brought the other guy in.”

Melanie lights up. “Man, why are Eddie’s so—I don’t know—weird? I have a client, his name’s Eddie, too. Did I ever tell you about him?”

Aline shakes her head no, sitting back in her chair knowing she’s about to get an earful of Melanie’s rambling. They’ve been this way since they met. Aline was shy and quiet, kept to herself. Didn’t know anybody at her new school after moving to LA with her family from Florida.

Melanie saw her first day of Sophomore year. She was loud and bright and hilarious. All over the place and terrible student, but incredibly smart. They sat next to each other in biology. Aline helped her cheat on her exams, Melanie invited her to tag along to games and parties, and they’ve been sort of inseparable since.

And one thing about Melanie that hasn’t changed is that she can talk for hours. Lucky for her, she has a best friend willing to listen.

“Okay, so, this is a few years ago, okay? Setting the scene, it’s—huh. I don’t actually remember what month it was, but it was unusually cold and rainy. This is relevant. This guy came in, he had made an appointment over the phone, and I told him I’d have availability in about two weeks, but he said it was urgent, and that his schedule is unpredictable and asked if I could squeeze him in the next day.”

Aline’s eyebrows raise.

“I know, right? Felt a little rude the way he was so snippy over the phone, but then he comes in and stiltedly spills his entire life story. This guy is, oddly enough, actually, also a firefighter and an army vet, and he’d recently experienced yet another trauma. Remember what I was saying about rain? He’s the guy that got trapped in that well years ago.”

“Oh wow.”

“I could tell it was serious, even though he brushed it off. You don’t go to a lawyer with an impending sense of doom and urgency if what you experienced isn’t serious. Whatever, I didn’t push.”

Aline snorts. She’s not sure there’s a world that exists where Melanie doesn’t push.

“Shut up, asshole.”

She throws her napkin across the table, and lands it firmly in the potted plant beside Aline.

“I didn’t say anything,” Aline says, raising her hands in surrender.

“Your laugh did. Whatever, I didn’t push. I didn’t. This was the cagiest man I’ve ever seen. I had to ask him what he was there to do about three times, because he was so shifty about it.”

“Well. What did he want?” “Okay, more backstory, this man is a widow with a son. He has extended family that he’s supposedly close to, but he wanted me to update his will. So that, in case of emergency—and, seeing as he’s a firefighter, those happen often—, his son would go to his best friend.”

Aline frowns. “Okay? Like a godfather? That’s not that out of the ordinary, is it?”

Melanie grins like Aline just fell for the set up hook, line, and sinker.

“His best friend? Completely unaware. Eddie asked me not to contact him or anything. And when I said you know, he could refuse, this man looked me in the eye for the first time that entire conversation and said with more certainty than I have ever seen anyone possess he won’t. I swooned a little. I hope those two figured it out, honestly.”

“That’s…wow. Yeah, I hope so, too. I’m just glad my Eddie seems to finally be dating Evan. The lightning strike guy. They’ve been through a lot together.”

Melanie pauses, lemonade halfway up to her lips. “Wait. Evan? As in Evan Buckley?”

Aline blinks in confusion. “Yes?”

“Holy shit, I think we’re talking about the same Eddie. Evan Buckley’s the guy in his will. Diaz? Firefighter with the 118?”

Aline throws her head back and laughs. “Yes.”

Melanie raises her glass and waits for Aline to do the same. “To the same idiot firefighters that happen to be paying for both of our bills.”

Aline snorts. “What you said.”

The rest of the dinner passes by too quickly, the way time between them always seems to. They talk about everything; Melanie shows her all the options for birthday gifts for Aline’s oldest daughter, Aline asks what TV she’s watching now because Melanie has the best taste in sitcoms, and it feels like minutes but it’s actually hours by the time they ask for their check and leave.

“See you this weekend, right?” Aline asks.

Melanie scoffs. “As if I’d miss Maia’s birthday. I need to maintain my position as her favorite Tia.”

Aline pulls her in for a hug when they reach the front of the restaurant. Melanie’s already called her uber, and Aline told her wife she’d be home in time for them to watch an episode of Extraordinary Attorney Woo.

“Hey!” Melanie calls out as Aline’s walking away. “If you see Eddie anytime soon, tell him congrats on finally getting it together and telling Buckley.”

Aline laughs. “Will do, Mel.”

#this is absolutely ridiculous #btw #it just came into my mind and it wouldn't leave me alone #bia.fic #buddie fic #buddie #911fic

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esbee-daisy · 9 months

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Second attempt at tumbling a sickfic prompt. Do we use that as a verb here? Anyway…

It’s the holidays! Let’s say Christmas or thanksgiving. Modern day. Big group of tight knit friends. But all going separate ways for the holidays.

A gets a text from C…turns out B hadnt been feeling well the last few days, and after C already left to go to their family’s holiday, found out B was uninvited from their own family’s holiday plans because they’re sick.

Everyone knows B is the caretaker of the group but is hopeless about taking care of themselves. A needs little persuasion from C to go over and check on B, especially since A is the only one still in town. Also doesn’t hurt that A has had a (unknowingly mutual) crush on B for years.

A goes over with meds and comfort food, all ready for a fun movie night with some extra forced pampering, but is not at all prepared for what they actually find

Maybe B comes to the door after an agonizingly long time, barely able to support their own weight against the doorframe, clearly feverish and dizzy from the short walk to open up. Bright red cheeks against a sickly white face. Glassy, unfocused eyes.

Or maybe B doesn’t come to the door at all, but luckily A knows where the hide-a-key is and let’s themselves in. Only to find B asleep, or are they unconscious? On the couch. Buried under blankets and looking absolutely pathetic and miserable and so small. Sweating and shivering profusely.

A gets to work straightaway trying to support B to their actual bed. It’s freezing in the foyer and B is already shaking relentlessly. If B is unconscious, maybe they come-to in A’s arms, but fever is so high they don’t recognize them right away and try to struggle out their grasp. Maybe A wasn’t expecting the sudden struggle and drops B who whacks their head and only ends up more petrified.

Or if B is awake initially, A pulls them up to get them into bed, only for B to crumple to the ground absolutely overcome with lightheadedness.

B can barely process that A is there since last they heard, everyone was out of town. They undersold how sick they were when they talked to C because they knew if they expressed how bad it really was, C would cancel their own plans and B would never want anyone to do that for them. Even though they would and have done it for all their friends in the past.

Maybe B starts crying hysterically when they realize A may be sacrificing their own holiday plans to care for them. Trying to push them away when really all they want is to be held and taken care of. Their own family doesn’t care enough about them to even have them in their home when ill…why would A want to be around them?

Maybe A is tracking B’s fever, which starts in the 103’s and gradually starts creeping up as the night goes on. There’s talk of bringing B to the hospital but as soon as that’s mentioned, it sends B into a delirious panic attack. Their body is already weak and ravaged by illness and really can’t handle the stress the panic is putting on their system. Their already pale face becomes positively ashen, their ragged breaths become whistling wheezes, and theyre trembling so hard A is afraid they’re going to crack a rib. Maybe the only way to get B to calm down is for A to promise not to bring them to the hospital. Maybe A remembers B has some trauma with doctors and feels awful for not recalling to begin with. So now A is faced with caring for B alone despite the fact that their already precarious health seems to be declining fast.

A promises to do everything they can to take care of B themself, but that means B has to stop fighting them at every turn

That means letting A feed them. It’s clear B hasn’t eaten properly in days and their weak body desperately needs the nourishment. But their hands are too weak to hold a spoon up to their mouth, even trying to push themselves up with their arms to sit results in the room spinning and B losing consciousness for a brief moment. A moment in which A is besides themselves with worry and trying to frantically rouse them while also being gentle as to not hurt or scare B

That means letting A give them a cold bath or shower to get the fever down when things keep getting worse. Maybe B tries to walk themselves only to collapse into a heap on the ground, trembling like a leaf from the exertion. A bridal carries B to the bathroom and is concerned by how little they seem to weigh. How uncoordinated and limp all their limbs are

That means letting A see them at their most vulnerable, rattled with nightmares and tears and delirious ramblings at night and allowing A to comfort them back into a restless sleep. With gentle touches, hair stroking, promises that they’re safe and not alone. That they won’t leave them no matter what. That they deserve to be taken care of.

I could go on and on but this is supposed to be a prompt I think so…I’ll stop here?

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chishiyasleftnut · 5 months

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Masterlist

Here you will find an easy overview of all of my writing.

As of right now I only do Chishiya x Reader stories. If this changes, I will update this text with what characters.

Requests: I accept requests! Whether it’s smut, fluff, headcanons or other things you are more than welcome to request it. Feel free to suggest anything and I will get to it as soon as I can :)

Click here to see all of my writing:

Smut:

♥ The Meeting Room (part 1/x)

Chishiya catches fem!reader looking at him during an executive meeting. He decides to take advantage of her obvious attraction to him.

♥ The Hotel Room (part 2/x)

Unable to forget what happened in the meeting room, fem!reader seeks out Chishiya again. Continuation of The Meeting Room.

♥ Cold Hands and Laughter

Quiet morning sex with Chishiya always calms down fem!reader. Smut w/ lots of fluff.

♥ Positions

Fem!reader presents Chishiya with a Kama Sutra book she found. Chishiya takes it as a challenge and doesn’t want to back down. Comedy smut.

♥ Merry Christmas, Chishiya

Fem!reader is upset that Christmas in the borderlands is so somber. Chishiya cheers her up by being cheesy.

♥ Nothing but short, short skirts

Chishiya made fem!reader upset during an argument, causing her to withhold sex until he apologises. Of course, that’s easier said than done, so fem!reader decides to seduce him.

♥ Tongue

Chishiya is tense after an executive meeting. Fem!reader decides to make him relax with a blowjob.

♥ Panic Button

Virgin!Chishiya had recently become curious about sex - does it really live up to the hype? With the help of fem!reader, Chishiya explores this aspect of life.

♥ Safeword

In the heat of the moment, Chishiya accidentally pushes past fem!reader’s comfort zone, prompting a needed talk on consent and boundaries.

♥ Stuck With You [Part 1] [Part 2]

After getting separated from Arisu and the others when the King of Spades attacked, Chishiya and fem!reader camps out together on the outskirts of Tokyo.

♥ [REQUEST] Seven Minutes in Heaven

Awkward med-school!Chishiya and med-school!reader gets challenged to do Seven Minutes in Heaven at a get-together.

♥ [REQUEST] Groupwork

Awkward med-school!Chishiya and med-school!reader have to work together on a group project for school. They quickly realise their attractions to one another which sidetracks them for a bit.

♥ [REQUEST] "Look"

Chishiya brings fem!reader to a love hotel with a room covered in mirrors.

♥ [REQUEST] Slow and Steady

Virgin-fem!reader is finally ready to take the leap with Chishiya. He guides her through her first time and makes sure it’s a nice experience.

♥ [REQUEST] Thinking of You

Chishiya can't stop thinking about fem!reader. However, as she was off partying and therefore not available to help him out, Chishiya decided to take matters into his own hands.

♥ [REQUEST] Delayed Valentine's

Chishiya wants to surprise fem!reader with something special for Valentine’s Day, but his plans don’t go as expected.

♥ [REQUEST] Behave

After a long and tiring day, Chishiya and fem!reader cockwarms on the couch. The power position Chishiya gets from cockwarming gives him energy to take things further, making sure to make fem!reader beg for his touch.

Headcanons:

[REQUEST] Sexting Chishiya NSFW. gn!reader tries to sext Chishiya while he is at work.

SFW Stories:

♥ [NEW!] [REQUEST] Silly Thoughts

Gn!reader suffers from social anxiety, leading them to cancel an event hosted by Chishiya’s work. Chishiya, who does not understand anxiety, tries to figure out why and attempts to help gn!reader overcome their anxiety.

♥ [NEW!] 2+1

After a long day at work, dad!Chishiya contemplates about his new role as a father. Is he even cut out for the job?

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camp-counselor-life · 1 month

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Ok, so I had an anxiety attack last night on a date and I'm trying to parse out what happened and my mental state. Is anxiety often irrational? Yes, and this definitely was. But also I feel like this would give neurotypical people anxiety, so justified? IDK.

TW: ableism

So here goes. The gal I am dating invited me to a gymnastics meet. Now, I love gymnastics (our shared university has an excellent team) and haven't been to a meet in eons, so I agreed. Did not think it through, just said yes. In the back of my brain, I knew there could be some issues, but dammit, let's just stuff those down and pretend.

I show up at her apartment nearly 10 minutes earlier than we agreed. She informs me that she thinks they have a clear bag policy (at all times, I carry a large black purse with all the stuff in it). We look and it says you can bring a purse. So cool, we will see if they'll let it in.

Now we're driving and there's traffic (the team is a big deal). And we're struggling to find a place to park (I had suggested we take the train bc that's how much I hate traffic and parking). We park somewhere that I am not 100% sure is allowed, but we're like 99.5% sure. This fact will come back later.

We get to the door. The man informs me my purse is too big. In a moment of panic, where I am about to be separated from my meds and inhaler, I inform him that it's got medical equipment in it, something my date does not know and this of course reveals that I have some sort of disability where I cannot be separated from the contents of my purse. He gives me a special tag and I get to take my bag in.

At this point, my date (who is aware I am autistic but nothing else) could be thinking one of two things: I have lied because I want to bring my purse in or I have some sort of shameful medical condition bad enough to require a purse-full of items I didn't tell her about. Both run through my head along with the thought of "I am going to hell, did I just lie to bring in my purse?" and it's not a lie, I do need to drag that stuff around, but also I probably could have made it 2.5 hours without it. I also decided that this would be a good way to phrase my discomfort to several friends, all of whom were like what?

We sit down and at this point I am so anxious and uncomfortable and ashamed that I barely talk the entire meet. It is also extremely loud, crowded, and the guy behind me is wearing strong cologne. We make small talk and hold hands, which I think was fine.

In the fourth (and final) session of the meet, probably almost 1.5 hours in, I have finally calmed down enough to enjoy myself. The shame is still there, and I don't know how to fully explain this to people, so I'm writing about it on tumblr for y'all to ignore.

So, what does this mean? I am probably not as "at peace" with my disabilities as I thought. The shame is real and strong and I feel like I could have had so much better of an experience if I had just done something differently. It's my fault.

And then I had a nightmare about the stadium last night, so that was like the cherry on top.

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itsnotmyfaultsomepeoplecantread · 21 days

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I'm tired of people arguing with me about dumb shit, so I made a list of what people are saying vs what I'm saying.

Things people (especially my "progressive" family) say are my fault:

- Literally everything

Things people in my life say are specifically causing problems for them:

- Being anxious

- Not wanting to debate my own validity

- Sensory overload

- Crying

- Being "weird"

- Preferences that affect literally no one else (food, movies, shows, clothes, etc.)

- Sources of comfort

- Babbling

- Feeling overwhelmed

- Retreating to safe spaces

- Focusing on one thing too long

- Being young

- Miscommunicating

- etc.

Things I do that are actually problematic that I've spent a decade in therapy trying to be better at:

- Emotional reactivity

- Emotional dysregulation

- Panic attacks

- Argumentativeness

- Anxiety/depression

- Rejection sensitivity

- Interrupting people when they talk

- Jumping to worst case scenarios

- Over-explaining and making things worse when I'm misunderstood

- Etc.

Things I was diagnosed for as a kid:

- Anxiety

- Depression

Things that didn't get diagnosed for until adulthood and separation from my family:

- ADHD

- Autism

- PTSD

- Degenerative and disabling medical conditions

- etc.

Symptoms of these conditions:

- See list 2

- Most of list 2 is symptoms of autism

Things I literally can't fucking change:

- Being fucking autistic

Things my own family doesn't want to do:

- Respect peoples' pronouns

- Stop fat shaming

- Stop hyper fixating on peoples' cultures/skin colors

- Stop having debates about my fucking disabilities

- Listen when I talk about things I HAVE DEGREES IN

- Listen to me at all??

- Go to therapy

Things I don't do:

- See above

Things I am willing to do:

- Listen to peoples' perspectives

- Change my opinions

- Adapt my communication style

- Try new things even though they make me uncomfortable

- A lot of things if they help people feel good

- Work on myself and reflect on my actions

Things people want others to change:

- Their identity

- Their pronouns

- Things we literally can't help

- Harmless quirks

Things they're willing to change:

- Absolutely nothing (they say this specifically)

Things people are asking of them:

- Criticizing literally every tiny aspect of someone else's life/saying they're just doing it wrong, without offering any genuine support

- Not complaining about the use (not even using, just the usage in general) of they/them pronouns

- Pretending to listen/empathize/care for five seconds instead of just rolling their eyes

- Have a single fucking ounce of sensitivity

Things I'm not asking them to do:

- Change their entire use of language

- Change their personality

- Become different people

-etc.

Things people say I and others are asking of them:

- "Walk on eggshells"

The only things I wish they'd actually do:

- Treat others like human beings

- Stop criticizing me for things I can't fix/change

- Stop yelling at me and saying I'm the problem

- Do their own damn research instead of asking me questions and then telling me I'm wrong

In conclusion, there's a reason I needed antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds forever, and I'm tired of that. So my new motto is that everyone can go fuck themselves, and if they have a problem with my existence, then they shouldn't be surprised if I walk out.

I am not perfect. But Jesus Fucking Fuck. No wonder I have so much freaking social anxiety.

#audhd #disabled #actually autistic #midwest #family #fuck this #democrats

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halsteads-obsession · 2 years

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Panic attack

Having a doctor as your brother was hard but having a doctor AND a detective as a brother was even more difficult.

Will was always fretting about you whenever you had a temperature or if you had a cold and if you came home from college upset Jay would immediately be there to bombard you with "did someone hurt you?" "What happened?" "Y/n please talk to me." However doubling that with both Will and Jay being concerned about you was one hell of a show. They sometimes overreacted but they were your brothers so of course they would overreact... they just wanted you to be okay.

Lately days had been mashing together, making you forget your days the days simply turning into nothing. You had a lot on your shoulders with college, work and other life things and it was starting to take a toll on you however you took in the halstead "stubborn" gene and wouldn't admit it and so here you were sitting near the table studying your ass off for your assignment "Hey kiddo you're up early," Jay spoke his hand gently resting upon your head as he ruffled your hair ever so slightly "yeah couldn't sleep so I decided to do some work... you know..." you murmured not really looking at him as he hummed nodding his head "right yeah. Well I'm proud of you for getting on with it. It'll all pay off in the end." He assured noticing the slight concern in your tone. "Anyways, have you eaten?" He asked and you shook your head "alright I'll make some breakfast for you." He spoke with a small smile.

Jay had left a while after making you your breakfast and Will was still in med, he definitely overworked himself- hell both your brothers did but they were hard workers and again you followed suit with that working incredibly hard and sometimes pushing yourself harder than needs be.

As the day went on you got through five coffees and as you got up to go make your sixth thats when it hit you like a truck, the dizziness the fatigue. All of it made you feel ill- sick to the stomach your eyes landing on the work in front of you all the paper scattered all over the table adding as a tough reminder that you hadn't even done half of it yet and that's when the panic set in, your breathing growing heavier your hands getting clammy and you prayed that it was simply a cold setting in but that was ruled down as your symptoms were soon followed by your lungs betraying you, your airway closing up as panic began to form within you your hands beginning to tremble and as you attempted to pat down on the table for your phone you heard it ping in the kitchen, your stomach dropping and you attempted to stand to get your phone but your legs weakened as you fell to the ground your chest hurting as panic mode truly set it, grasping at your chest as you began to gasp for breath and you soon realised that this was no cold... no... this was a panic attack.

Will was exhausted from his shift to say the least, but it was simply another day in the office. He liked to say that to remind himself to separate his work life from his personal life as sometimes working as a doctor did affect you. It was harsh sometimes but it was also rewarding. And as he made his way to jays apartment he simply expected to be able to chill and relax however as he unlocked the door he heard soft cries and heavy wheezes and he automatically became concerned his only thought being you.

"Y/n? Hey you in here?" He called placing his medical bag down onto the floor as he made his way into the kitchen seeing you on the floor grasping at anything you could, your face wet with tears and he immediately fell to his knees beside you "you alright? Hey it's okay... I'm here..." he gently rested his hand upon your shoulder rubbing up and down your back slowly and gently as he was immediately able to diagnose what you were going through your eldest brother going into immediate doctor mode "okay I need you to breathe with me... here hold my hands." He took your hands into his as he looked into your eyes "when I squeeze your hands I need you to breathe in... and when I don't squeeze breathe out." He said calmly and carefully before he squeezed your hands as you took a deep breath in holding your breath before he let go of your hands as you exhaled and he began doing exaggerated breaths to get you to follow him however it only worked for a couple of minutes and before you could even help it another wave of panic flooded over you.

"Will- wi- I cant... I cant put up with the pressure anymore what if- what if- what- I- fail- you and Jay- be disappointed-" you struggled to get out as pain formed in wills eyes and he shook his head "no we'll never be disappointed in you y/n... never..." he said worried about you as none of his attempts were helping you calm down you were working yourself up more and more to the point you could easily pass out "I- but- I- I... Jay... please get Jay... I- need-... both of you..." you stuttered out and without even hesitating Will was calling Jay not giving Jay a second to talk as Will was quick to explain what was going on "y/n cant calm down she won't. I've tried everything. Get here asap." He spoke before hanging up immediately pulling you close to him once again "jays coming... he's on his way."

Jay immediately burst through the door his eyes filled with worry "Jay we're in here! Grab my medical bag would you!" Will called and Jay was quick to grab the bag before rushing to you and will and as he saw the state you were in his eyes filled with even more concern "oh y/n," he murmured as he immediately held your hands in his "I can't bre- I cant-" you wheezed out terrified "Jay keep her distracted." Will said as Jay nodded "okay hey tell me four things you can see..." he said as you gazed into his eyes "you... will... your eyes... will's med bag." You said and Jay smiled nodding "good good. What do my eyes remind you of?" He asked as Will silently prepped a nebuliser for you "the sea... uh... the blue dog that I painted you when I was five." You said and Jay smiled letting out a soft laugh "that's right. What was that dog paintings name hm? I swear it was something like mr waffles..." he said your eyes lighting up at the memory as you smiled "yes! Mr waffles-" you cut yourself off as you began to cough just in time for Will to place the nebuliser over your mouth resting his hand on your shoulder "just breathe. You'll feel better soon." He assured with a soft smile "Jay keep an eye on her whilst I get her some water." And Jay nodded "will can I get some Pepsi?" You asked and he looked at you a disapproving look on his face before he smiled "sure, but just because you aren't doing too good." He said smiling as he simply wanted you to be okay and happy.

Later on that evening everything was much more calmer and you had managed to relax and get a decent amount of sleep however you couldn't sleep anymore so you decided to watch a movie and halfway through it the lights flicked on as jay stood silently in front of you "cant sleep either?" You asked and he shook his head "nope. Came here to also check you were okay." He murmured sitting down beside you as you looked at him "oh don't go into detective mode jay I'm fine." You said with a soft laugh and he smiled "I'm just making sure you're okay. But... what caused that panic attack?" He asked concerned and you sighed softly debating on whether to tell him before you let out a little sigh knowing you weren't going to get out of it, you'd have to tell him sooner or later "I haven't been sleeping properly and I just overloaded myself with work I guess and I just didn't want to be a burden as you and will have enough on your plates as it is." You admitted and he frowned "y/n, you're our sister. It doesn't matter how much or little we have on our plates you're always going to be our priority. Always." He said lightly stroking a hand over your hair, something he had always done since you were little as it was something your mother did to relax you and he inherited that act to help you during tough times.

You leaned into him as you let out a little sigh "thanks jay." You whispered and he smiled "no problem now how about you try to go back to sleep and tomorrow you, me and Will can help you with your revising. Will purposely asked for the day off tomorrow so we could both help you." He said and you smiled slightly "that sounds like a good idea." You said nodding and he smiled "good. Now get some rest."

And as promised jay and will both worked with you to make sure you got your work completed without any stress and making sure you took breaks whenever you needed, Will promising you a takeaway afterwards to get you through the difficulty of everything and as you came out the other side of things you realised that having your two older brothers as a team really did pay off.

I hope you all liked this one! Thank you so much for reading. Don't forget to leave requests in my inbox/ the comments!!

Word count: 1694

#will halstead #jay halstead #chicago med #y/nhalstead #y/n #halstead sister #halsteadsiblings #comfort characters #comfort character #comfort #requests open #sweet #panic attack

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mischiefmanifold · 9 months

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since you’re level 2 can I ask if my experience sounds similar to yours? im trying to figure out which level I am and everyone says different things abt each. i am med? support needs and do need help with BADLS, change has always been distressing for me, verbal loss episodes I think, in general knowing what to say and translating my thoughts into sentences can be hard and social interaction is hard, hard to not just say the same things all the time bc idk how to respond and how to rlly make a friend even after knowing a. Person for years so I only have three/four, I rarely talk sometimes and am rlly quiet and hard to not be quiet and extremely shy, extreme sensory issues, flat effect, big introspection issues, don’t know what counts as being able to masking or not bc even if I could try I know I don’t come off “normal” all the time although to some (who don’t realize the behavior is off bc they’re also autistic or have adhd lol), aaah etc etc idk could u tell me some about your experience?

Some of My Autism Symptoms (From a Level Two Autistic)

Extremely poor interoception (I regularly piss myself and can't control my bladder, as well as not being able to tell when I'm hungry or have to use the bathroom)

Incredible difficulty forming thoughts into words and even separating thoughts

Frequent periods where I can't speak at all, and when I can speak it's hard for me to sound coherent without LOTS of scripting

Meltdowns from very small things such as touching the wrong texture

I have panic attacks or meltdowns when plans change suddenly or without my input

I accidentally eat too much food because I can't tell when I'm full

I can't identify sarcasm in others and also can't use it correctly myself

My repetitive behaviors are so bad I regularly injure myself (I bite my nails past the start of my fingers, causing bleeding and infection, meltdowns cause bruises and scratches)

When having meltdowns I become a danger to myself and anyone in my vicinity (I once threw books all over my room because a plan had changed)

I have only had two or three real friends in my entire life

I do not initiate social interactions unless I am speaking about my special interest (at which point I will not shut up)

Poor affect and ability to match my facial expressions to specific emotions or situations

I have such big issues with food that I can only eat like seven different textures/flavors of food (ARFID is a bitch)

Even if I try to hide my autism symptoms, I am still noticeably autistic

#as for your question: some sound similar to me but I can't assign you a level #asks answered #anon asks #autism #level 2 autism #level 2 autistic #moderate support needs #moderate autism #medium support needs #self harm mention #sh mention

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ellerosie2332 · 2 years

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Sebastian x sister reader

They’re on set because Seb invites her from time to time and what’s their on set because of separating / social anxiety of meeting some of the new cast, the anxious tics that she has get the best of her and Chris finds her having a panic attack with a tic attack combined in Seb’s trailer whilst looking for Seb as he’s needed on set. He finds Chris trying to calm her down and has to intervene as he knows how exhausted and how much it takes out of her, but he does have to use her meds to help her relax a little more but it’s basically pure fluff and brother x sister bonding

Hopefully this makes sense I hope your okay too

Sending love 💕

Separation Anxiety

Sebastian Stan x Sister!Reader

(A/N: I have combined two asks for this as I found them really similar and the plot would be the same if I wrote them as separate fics. Thank you for the requests though. This isn’t my favourite one but I loved writing it and I related it to my own anxiety. I also added in a method my therapist told me to use, which really works for me. - Ellen)

Word Count: +1.1k

Warnings: Reader has severe anxiety.

Masterlists | Requests are open | Taglist

For as long as you could remember, you suffered from anxiety. With all the moving around you, your brother and your Mom did when you were little, you found it hard to be away from either of them. Sebastian never made you feel bad for constantly being around him. When you and Seb got to be adults, everyone expected your dependence on Sebastian to decrease. But it didn’t.

Sebastian became an actor and you wanted to become an author. When Sebastian traveled, you were able to go with him. This pleased your mother as she knew that you would be safe with Sebastain especially with your anxiety.

Soon enough, Sebastian got a job on Gossip Girl. Most of the cast loved you and understood why you were always around. Even if there was a problem, no one ever mentioned anything to you or Sebastian.

As Sebastian’s career furthered, he took you with him. People would rarely find you without Seb or Seb without you. When Sebastian got cast as Bucky Barnes, no one was more excited for him than you. He brought you to almost every set he was allowed to with the exceptions of when the location was secret.

The sets were incredible. It’s not often that people are allowed on big sets if they don’t work there, but your brother Sebastian and the producers came up with a deal. As long as you signed an NDA and followed their rules, they would allow you on set whenever. You became friends with a lot of people on set and they all included you as if you were a member of the cast.

One morning you decided to go to the set of Infinity War with Seb. You had been working on your book for the entire week and hadn’t gone in a while. You had been feeling cramped all week, sitting at your desk, in the temporary office in the rented apartment you and Sebastian were sharing. You didn't want to admit it to Seb but you had been struggling a lot that week.

You knew he had a lot on his mind and there was a part of you that didn’t want to bother him. He had helped you deal with your anxiety since you were kids and a part of you didn’t want to burden him.

You both got onto set and Sebastian had to go to wardrobe almost immediately. You weren’t too bothered about what Seb was doing though. Your editor needed a new chapter by the end of the week so you had plenty to keep you occupied until Sebastian had finished filming. The more you were writing the more stress you were feeling.

You were struggling to find inspiration. Your ideas seemed rubbish and you were honestly struggling. Deciding that you weren’t going to write anymore for the time being, you got up to go for a walk. You remember from the first day Sebastian brought you to set, which parts you were allowed in and which parts you weren’t. You walked around the ‘village’ of trailers and tried not to think about your book.

Realizing that you’d been gone an hour, you thought it best to head back. The only problem was you couldn’t remember the way.

Taking a deep breath, you turned around and tried to retrace your steps but you could feel your anxiety creeping up on you. It had been about fifteen minutes and you still didn't recognize your surroundings. You felt your chest tightening and sank to your knees behind a random trailer. The only thing you could think of was the sheer panic that was currently running through your body.

You didn’t know how long you were sitting there for but you could distantly hear a voice in the background. You couldn’t recognize the voice so you didn’t look up. The only thing you could think about at that point was how much you needed Sebastian.

“Y/N? Can you hear me?” You barely react as you don’t know who it is talking to you. You feel a warm hand on your knee. That action has you jolting your head up quickly to see who is in front of you.

It doesn’t take long for you to recognize the person as Chris Evans. You relax slightly knowing that he isn’t going to hurt you but still remain having the panic attack that you are struggling to come down from.

“Y/N, I need you to breathe for me.” Chris told you. You saw him get out his phone and send a message before shoving it back into his pocket and returning his focus to you. “I need you to open your eyes for me and tell me five things you see.”

You did as he said and told him five things that you could see. He then told you to say four things you could hear, three things you could smell, two things you could touch and one thing you could taste.

By the end of it you were absolutely exhausted. It soon became obvious that the person Chris had messaged earlier was Sebastian as he came rushing over to where you and Chris were now slouched against a trailer.

Chris quickly stood up and moved out of the way to allow Sebastian to sit next to you. Seb quickly pulled you against him and you felt yourself relax completely. You could hear Sebastian and Chris talking to each other before you saw Chris walk away.

“Did you take your medication this morning?” Seb asked you when he felt you breathing normally again. You were silent for a moment while you thought back. You realized that you had missed your dose of medication this morning. You had been thinking so much about the book you needed to write that it had completely slipped your mind .

“Umm.” You mumbled quietly.

“Y/N.” Sebastian said sternly.

“It’s just that my editor wants this next chapter ready by the end of the week and I have not finished it yet.With everything it just slipped my mind.”

Sebastian just sighed.

“Okay, let’s get you back to back to my trailer and you can take the rest of the day off. I have finished all my scenes for today so we can go grab something to eat.”

You nodded in agreement. “I’m sorry Sebastian.” You apologized. The last thing you wanted to do was disappoint your brother.

“You don’t have to apologize Y/N/N. You have a lot of pressure on you and I know things have always been hard for you.” Seb smiled as he gave you another hug before helping you stand up.

For the rest of the day Sebastian made sure you were alright and he even helped give you inspiration for your book. You were really lucky to have Sebastian as your brother.

***

Sebastian Stan Taglist:

@ctlywoo

@hehehehannahthings

@princess-baby18

@ccmarvelxx

@evans-stan-thirstthotts

#sebastian stan #fluff #angst #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan x female reader #sebastian stan x sister!reader #x sister!reader #sebastian x reader #platonic!chris evans x reader #chris evans #sebastian x sister #sebastian x sister!reader #seb stan #seb stan x reader #anxiety awarness #anxeity

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vizthedatum · 11 months

Text

Surreal

During the last week of my relationship with my ex/spouse, I was in constant terror. I was popping klonopin and taking edibles as much as I could. I was dabbing as much as I could. I was on the couch (almost the entire time) trying to listen to music and apply to apartments CONSTANTLY. I was freezing and fawning so bad. Most of the time, I was naked or partially naked. I could barely function.

I wanted to be back in their arms so badly - to really make things work - to try everything to make our relationship work. They sent me these messages right before I came inside:

I would have isolated from society forever. I would have carried out our plan of living separately but still isolating myself so that I could save the marriage. The burden of saving our marriage was on me - because I was the problem. They started a new job, and they told me they couldn't do this relationship and the job at the same time. I needed to stop being a problem.

They accused me of cheating and turned on me within an hour of when I got home. They told me that my hair burned them. I managed to yell out saying that YOU NEED TO GO THERAPY - THIS IS NOT WHO YOU ARE. And they yelled THIS IS WHO I AM. And I saw how monstrous the person who I had married... who I was deeply in love with... looked. Then at some point, I somehow went up to my room? They had told me to get out of their sight. I think it was around that time when their mom convinced them not to take my meds away from me. Then they sent me messages saying I could come down again and it wasn't a trick. (Messages three hours after the 'reading manual' one)

We took our last two selfies together - they looked manic - I just... I loved them, and I desperately wanted to be together. I wanted to make it work.

The yelling and terror continued the whole week. Intermixed with offers to help me pay off all the money I spent on moving my brother out of my parents' home - a very traumatic and involved trip to Minnesota that I absolutely had to do.

(Funny - I ended up going into debt anyway by escaping, paying the lease break fee (of which they are paying LESS THAN HALF (I guess getting a hella expensive lawyer really pays off, huh? You fucking absolute thief)), supporting myself through medical bills (including getting myself checked out for the IUD THAT THEY PULLED OUT OF ME and STI testing because I literally cannot remember if they used protection the last time they had sex with me (raped me, because they forced me to verbally consent, kept fucking me while I had a panic attack, and then somehow I ate and left the home?! I had ingeniously (hah) told them that they couldn't touch me after that unless they could commit to making me orgasm (something they hadn't been able to do in a very long time because they don't make me feel safe). In a daze.), supporting myself through months of wading through life the best I could, fighting to get my stuff back, cleaning or throwing away my things because so much was infested with grime and rodent droppings, etc.)

They would yell how I wasn't trying hard enough to get an apartment and get out of there - I was trying so hard - masking so hard when I'd make phone calls - I received messages from potential landlords correctly assuming I was being abused - I got scammed maybe like 3 times and lost money - I was messaging my friends non-stop WHILE apartment hunting for my life. For us.

I couldn't get high enough. I couldn't stop feeling so horrible. I wanted to die. I thought it was over. They kept trying to talk me out of my touch boundaries while I just looked at them and trembled in fear - I don't think any of my emotions registered to them.

I watched how they chose to appear sane during work calls... and chose to be completely unhinged with me.

I was texting my MIL - trying to explain my affairs (we were poly and open) in detail and how I told Jon what I was up to - I needed to be honest - I told her how they kept trying to touch me without my consent.

So many things happened all at once. I wanted to focus on my friends and the good things in my life. Lose myself in the fantasy of life being okay. I hated being how I was. I was talking to my partners, random lovers, friends, etc. just to know that I was wanted by someone - it felt good.... while my mind and body were falling apart.

They really wanted me out of there - while telling me that they loved me. So much yelling. I was packing.

I finally broke up (Thurs? Fri? The days blended together) with them but they still wanted to be married. They were relieved (they said) when I broke up with them. I told my MIL - (Please note that my ex has friendships I know nothing about, conversations with their really weird ex that I have no idea about, they send money to their ex, I have no idea if my ex cheated on me or not - I literally have no clue - meanwhile they go around slut shaming me even though THEY ARE POLY AS FUCK (but also super controlling)):

We kept doing our marriage ritual - nothing changed. Now I was married in a partnerless relationship where I was still being controlled. We still said we loved each other.

My credit got approved for a place that didn't check employment paystubs (Sat).

And then I got myself flowers.

The next day I left (Sun). I wrote my MIL on Mon:

On Nov 21, 2022, I called my MIL (with the help of a friend) and told her it was DV. And then I posted on Facebook:

"CW: straight up DV

Don’t tell my brother (or my immediate family) any of this. He is blocked from reading this. And I got him out of an abusive situation and he’s doing so much better so please don’t ruin the strides I’ve made with him. I waited my entire life to get him out and safe, so just don’t.

I’m safe. It has unfortunately dawned on me that I’ve been in a DV situation once again - and I didn’t know - it wasn’t until I went to MN and got clarity - I’ve been in several different DV situations and well, I didn’t want to believe it because it was literally the best relationship I ever had? Because well, who else would love me like they would? They were loving and caring and kind - they supported me through surgeries and dr appts and so much shit. They were my rock and my everything. I don’t regret any of it. I really don’t. I loved them and they loved me. Our vows were fucking poetry and it symbolized the love we shared and built together. Our wedding day was unforgettable and beautiful, and I’ll never forget it. I think I’ll always love them.

I deluded myself because - I never thought I could have this. No one ever loved me like that. And that’s why I denied it for so long. The love was and is there but it’s not enough. It hurts to say that I deserve more, but I do.

I left my home Sunday night. I packed what I could in my car and left because I didn’t feel safe. When I came home to them last week, I thought it would be fine but it wasn’t. It was the worst it’s ever been. My heartbreak is beyond belief.

I have a plan moving forward. I need a salaried job and while I know I can get one, my brain is not what it used to be. I think I’ll snap back once I’m living on my own again. I can do certain types of data analysis in my sleep, I swear.

My spouse is going through a lot right now, and that comes with its own challenges, but I refuse to be gaslit and taken advantage of anymore. They DO need support, but I can’t do it anymore. Please know that they’re not a “bad” person - they’re scared and I don’t think they know what’s going on. They need support I can no longer give. This is a nuanced situation. Abuse isn’t black and white - it never is or was. (And fucks sake - don’t any of you call the police - my spouse is a black queer person who is trying the best they can and I fucking love them. We are separated and they’re safe and I’m safe. Just don’t dare do it. I am begging all of you to just listen.)

*I need to put myself first and this is me doing that.*

They aren’t in their right mind right now and will likely say things that paint me in a bad light. I’m putting my truth out here to fight against this inevitability. I am definitely not faultless (a relationship - even a dysfunctional one - takes more than one after all), but I deserve more. I don’t believe that I deserve more but I do and I’m trying to believe it.

I am seeking a divorce from my spouse and going no contact with them except for the logistics of divorce and lease conclusion. Any attempts to contact me on their behalf will be construed as siding with my abuser.

This is a recent realization. I need time to process. Yes obviously I see a therapist. If you contact me and I don’t respond, please know that I’m safe. I’ll try to send my contact info to people before I delete this account."

Since then, I've come a long way.

It has come clear to me that much of the emotional and narcissistic abuse was intentional and that they need serious help if they want to stop emotionally abusing other people in the future. It takes time to realize, process, understand, recognize the patterns, and move forward. For both victims and abusers alike.

I am healing.

I never want to be with them again. I hope they find peace one day.

They fucked me over financially with their lawyer (confirmed this morning, and I have been recovering since that phone call - my finances have been the worst of my adult life since I left, and after growing up in a family that financially struggled, I hate that they put me in this situation). After putting me through all of that.

I absolutely gaslit myself through much of our relationship.

I am more stable every day DESPITE the emotions. I will never betray my body or self by not listening to my emotions. My anger is justified. My grief is justified. My joy is so so so real. My health is improving. I am going to succeed despite it all.

It's so surreal.

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passerine-writes · 1 year

Text

Silent Sparks - Volt 35

Warnings: It's a rollercoaster of emotions and basically every warning used up to this point applies to this chapter Word count: 5394

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts Rayquaza is Midoriya's contact name Jangmo-o is Mic's contact

Masterlist

Volt 34 | Volt 36

I stood outside of the police station nervously after taking the first train I could back home. After calling Pops back and sitting on the phone with Toshi for half the train ride, I still wasn't ready to face my fears. But I was ready to get some answers.

I slowly made my way in, the person at the desk directing me to my family. The three of them surging up at the sight of me, my parents pulled me into a hug and my brother gave me a separate one before rifling through his pockets for his phone.

"I like the change in style, little listener. It looks great." Pops said with a proud smile on his face.

"Thanks.. Mina made me wear it. I think I might like my sweaters better though." Dad chuckled and ruffled my hair.

We sat there for twenty more minutes before Tsukauchi came out, the detective looking exhausted and worn out.

"Eraser, Mic, we can't get her to talk and I hate to ask this but-"

"I'll do it." Everyone looked at me baffled. "It's pretty obvious what you were going to ask. So I'll do it if you need me to but I have questions for her. She might be the only one who can give me those answers. If me talking to her means we can get a restraining order renewed faster or something done sooner, then I'll do it." The room soon became more glum and dreadful, Tsukauchi silently asking my parents approval before he nodded.

"Okay, but first I have to tell you what to expect so you aren't going in blind." I nodded and stared at my feet. "She just got here today after being in the hospital for detox, so she may be irritable and frustrated. Her mood might flip on a dime. She's in there with a lawyer right now, a public defense attorney, he'll probably tell her not to answer certain things but it's okay to push. Your family and I will be right behind the glass at all times so if at any point you want to leave, say the word and you're done in there." I nodded along and took a deep shaky breath. "Is there anything you need before we do this?" I fiddled with my bag and found my panic attack meds, taking two quickly as a preventative before setting my bag down.

"I'm ready." Tsukauchi laughed under his breath and nodded. The five of us walked down a few hallways before stopping outside of a door. An officer opened the door and waited for me to be inside before shutting and locking it, I shakily made my way to the open chair across from two adults.

"Really? They're so desperate they sent in a kid?" The attorney scoffed but all I could feel were Shiroka's eyes on me.

"Baby? What are you doing here? Oh you look great, I've missed you Onryo. When will you come home?" I bit back the wave of nausea, disgusted by her sickly sweet tone.

"I have questions that my Dads can't answer. You're the only one who can. I can answer some of your questions too, I don't know how helpful they'll be to you, but I want answers." Shiroka nodded frantically, her appearance being similar to a skeleton.

"Yes, yes I'll answer what I can. Oh I've just missed you so much." I ducked my head down, not wanting to jeopardize using my quirk on accident, until I felt it turn off.

"Who even are you, kid?" The man who was balding asked, clearly already annoyed with my presence alone.

"My name is Tsukare Onryo. She's my birth mother." The man looked at me wide eyed and at a loss for words. "Why did you give me up?" Shiroka looked at me wide eyed for a moment this time before collecting herself.

"I wasn't in a good place, your father left me and I wouldn't have been able to care for you the way a mother should." I cringed at the words, not liking the titles she gave to strangers who contributed to me being alive.

"How did you get our address a few years ago?" I made sure to keep my voice relaxed, not wanting to accidentally set her off and have this all be for nothing.

"Don't answer that." The attorney chided but Shiroka ignored him.

"I talked to a lady that used to run the foster center and she had some things to say about the people that adopted you, I took that as a bad sign. I just knew I had to get you out there and bring you home safe. She gave me the address really quick." I took a shaky breath, thankful that I took my medication before this.

"Do you have any questions for me, before I ask more?" This seemed to catch her attention, her eyes practically twinkling.

"Why do you have so many doctors? Is everything okay?" That piqued my interest, knowing that that was in fact illegal and a HIPAA violation.

"I was born with a common heart problem, so once every few years the cardiologist likes go check that everything is still running smooth. I have ADHD, and the doctors like to check that my attention is as well as it can be. I have my pediatrician like everyone else. I have a doctor for my ears. And I've been in and out of hospitals for a bunch of different things.. but you already knew all of that." Her eyes widened larger than Australia, an undeniable reaction. "If you knew where I was for the first eight years of my life, why wait until I was in a stable home after being legally adopted to try and see me? Let alone try to kidnap me and then follow me places?"

"I just wanted my baby back, a mothers instincts are one of the strongest things out there after all." I rested my forearms on the table, leaning against them and having them slightly bent, but she still saw. She practically lunged forward and I instinctively pushed back out of her reach. "What happened? Who did that to you?" I took a shaky breath and let it out of my chest, fighting to keep myself grounded.

"This happened from me developing an unhealthy coping mechanism to cope with middle school bullies and being stalked every time I set foot outside. Most of the other scars on my body are from all of the horrible foster homes I went to before I was taken in by my dads. Do you have any other questions for me?" She sniffled and took a shaky breath, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"How's U.A. treating you?"

"It's amazing, all of the teachers treat me like family and I've made a lot of friends so far." She nodded with a smile.

"Will you finally come home?" I shook my head, fearful for her reaction. "Why? Please honey, I'm sorry that I've messed up. I'll do better just come home baby."

"I'm done with questions right now. However, one thing that I've learned is how to read people. It's a really good trick I've learned. So let me tell you what I've put together in our almost fifteen minute conversation and you can tell me if I'm right or wrong. You've gathered personal information illegally, along with gathering my medical records illegally which is a HIPAA violation. You haven't been able to stop looking at me because I presumably share a large resemblance to my birth father, along with his quirk. The only other reason you might be staring this much is because of the scar on my face and if that's the case then that's just rude. After you heard of who my parents are, you probably did some research to try and dig up something bad so you could petition to get me removed until you realized they were both squeaky clean pro heroes who teach at a prestigious school.

"So then you went with grander measures, you forced your way into our home, tried to take me, and when that failed you opted to following me around outside whenever you could. After the first restraining order was filed, you kept your distance and started watching me from the minimum distance you could legally be near me once you figured out that loophole until it's time was up and it expired two weeks ago. You saw me on the news and showed up in Hosu and tried to get your way into my hospital room for the second time. You say you care and you love me but you don't have that maternal instinct, if you did you never would have put me in the system to begin with when you know just how horrible it is.

"Your financial instability however, would've gotten me revoked either way but the icing on the cake was you chose drugs over what was supposed to be your child. You used drugs while pregnant with me and, I'm guessing from your appearance, you have a new vice. This tells me the first time you tried getting clean is when you showed up to my house almost three years ago." I took a deep breath and stood up. "Now, attorney person, I'm sure that I, a high school student, won't have to explain to you what position Shiroka has put herself in. Shiroka, I know it will hurt to hear this but you aren't my mom, because a mom would never have let her child go through what I did. I hope you realize that if you went about this differently then you might have had a chance at being apart of my life in a positive way. You might have been involved after you showed up, but you ruined any chance of that happening a long time ago." The door opened and once I set foot outside of the stuffy room, I allowed the first tear to fall. My parents immediately pulled me into a hug, Hitoshi joining in as well.

"You did great, Onryo. You did an amazing job." My dad mumbled to me before I started sobbing, everything that just happened sinking in. I clung onto my family desperately, finding temporary solace in their embraces.

It took about ten minutes for the tears to stop falling, hiccups punched their way out of my body and the shaking slowly stopped. I turned towards the glass, completely tuned out from what was being said in there but from how it looked, the attorney was clearly stressed about something. Our parents lead us over to some chairs, Hitoshi and I sitting down until Tsukauchi came over to us. The detective crouched down in front of me, his forearms resting on his knees as he looked up at me.

"Tsukare, you did an amazing job back there. You should be very proud of yourself, I know your family is." I swallowed nervously, not liking where this was going.

"But it wasn't enough, was it?" Tsukauchi shook his head solemnly and I willed myself not to cry out of pure frustration. "So what's gonna happen?" I tried to keep up my cheerful act, not wanting anyone outside of my family see me hurting. Even the officers gave us space in the hallway earlier.

"Her attorney is trying to make a deal. Extended restraining order in exchange for information. So far it's looking to go in her favor." I nodded and put a small smile on my face.

"At least somethings getting done, right?" Tsukauchi let out a sad laugh with a nod.

"Something will get done in the end. And if hero work doesn't work out for you in the future, try your luck as an interrogator. I've been doing this for years and not many people are that naturally gifted with that ability. And if going pro works out for you, I look forward to working with you and your brother." I gave him a quick nod and he stood up, bidding his farewells to us before retreating down the hallway again. I felt three sets of curious eyes on me, but I shrugged them off, knowing it was just out of concern.

"I'll be okay. Just processing it all." It was painfully obvious none of them believed me. I held my head in my hand, now realizing how bright the light really was in the station while a dull ache started spreading through my head. "Can I go home?" I asked quietly, completely drained after the days events. Our parents nodded and we left as soon as possible.

The whole car ride home I was lost in thought, I didn't notice if anyone was talking to me or talking at all. I just stared out the window and watched the buildings rush past until we pulled into the driveway.

As if I were on autopilot, as soon as I got inside, I beelined to the kitchen and started making the only thing that could bring me happiness right now.

Peppermint hot chocolate with whipped cream on top.

I ignored all sets of eyes on me as I made my way to my room with my drink, both cats trailing behind up the stairs and to my bed. I took my hearing aids out and set them up on their charger, changed into sweats and a hoodie, wrapped myself up in two soft and fuzzy blankets and watched random videos on my laptop.

I don't know how much time had passed, but enough for my computer to lose over half of its battery and my drink to be mostly gone and cold. I did get confused when I got a text from Pops, his designated vibration pattern alerting my senses.

From Jangmo-o: Hey little listener, are you awake?

To Jangmo-o: Yeah, Mittens and Spots are sleeping though

From Jangmo-o: Can I come in?

From Jangmo-o: If you still want some space and alone time that's okay too, I just wanted to check in on you

To Jangmo-o: Yeah you can come in

I set my phone down and watched Pops poke his head into my room which earned me a sad smile. He was in his house wear, a baggy t-shirt, joggers, his regular glasses and his hair pulled back in a bun. He gestured to the bed and I nodded, the blond adult gently sat down on my bed a little bit away from my feet.

How are you holding up?

Just tired and kind of out of it. But I'll be alright.

It sucks though, and you're allowed to be upset and angry about it, okay?

I know. I think I'm just still processing all of it.

That's okay. Y'know, I remember when I first met my birth parents.

How did it go?

Well, I met them when I was probably about eighteen or nineteen. Sho and I brought them over to our first apartment, and it didn't go as well as we were hoping. I finally got to ask the questions you did and they told me they gave me up because they wanted a girl, then said with my long hair and the fact I was happily engaged to your Dad I might as well be one if it weren't for the parts I was born with. I asked them if they wanted to be apart of my life at all and they got really quiet and told me no and that they gave me up for a reason. They said they were happy that I reached out but after seeing the lifestyle I chose, they didn't want to see me anymore unless I changed. I was about ready to cry until Sho kicked them out and said a few choice words. We got our first noise complaint because of him shouting at them.

You got a noise complaint because Dad was yelling? That's out of character for him.

Yeah, it is. Not nearly as chaotic and nerve racking as yours, but it wasn't great.

I nodded and he looked hesitant to ask something. He stared at the comforter on my bed intensely until I nudged him slightly.

What's up?

I've been wanting to ask you and Hitoshi this for a while now. I asked him about it earlier, but Sho and I have been talking and figured it might be worth mentioning. Do you want to find out who your birth dad is and meet him if possible? We won't be offended if you do, you and your brother will always be our sons no matter what, but from going through it myself and your Dad watching me go through it, we know how important it is to some kids that went through the system to meet their birth parents. Some have no interest in it, but others crave it.

Honestly, I haven't even really put much thought into finding out who he is, let alone meeting him. There's too many unknown factors right now, so I don't know yet.

Okay. Well if you decide just let us know, no matter what it is. Alright?

I will. Has Toshi made up his mind yet?

I don't think so. Are you two going to have one of your brother talks tonight?

You know about those?

Of course we do, we should probably lecture you about your sleeping habits but it's not going to change anything. Sho and I know how hard it is to sleep sometimes, but as long as you two are safe, we aren't mad.

What gave it away that we have our late night talks?

Well, the one time I went to the bathroom and heard you go into his room but the smell of coffee gives it away on the nights your Dad doesn't have patrol.

No wonder you're a pro hero.

The comment made him laugh a little, making me smile in turn. Being able to make people smile makes a lot of things worth it.

Is there any reason in particular you took your ears out?

I chewed on my lip and nodded, knowing my answer would worry him but also knowing him and Dad want the truth from me.

Sometimes the silence is better. It makes everything feel calmer even though I'm stressed. Being in the quiet feels nice once in a while.

I get it. That's why I take them out for lazy Sundays. It's calming once in a while.

I nodded, glad that he understood and leaned forward for a somewhat hug. My head rested on his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me, tugging me close to him. He rubbed soft circles on my back and just held me for a moment. After a minute or two, he gave me a kiss on top of my head and left my room, I took a minute to check my phone seeing multiple messages.

From Espeon: Bro talk tonight?

From Boldore: Hey bro, everything okay?

From Pikachu: Hey

From Scraggy: Hey Tsuka, how're you holding up?

From Venomoth: Hey Tsukababes!

From Rayquaza: Hey Onryo, Hitoshi filled me in on what happened today.. Are you okay?

Tsukababes Pokémon

(Boldore - Kirishima, Venomoth - Mina, Scraggy - Sero, Pikachu - Kaminari, Whismur - Tsukare)

From Venomoth: Has anyone heard from Tsukababes? I tried texting him but I haven't heard anything

From Boldore: No, I tried texting him too

From Scraggy: Same here

From Pikachu: Me too, do you guys think he's okay?

From Scraggy: I hope he is

From Venomoth: I texted his brother asking if he was okay and he said he hasn't come out of his room yet so he might be taking a nap

From Boldore: Maybe he is, I mean, if I had to go for a family emergency I'd probably stress nap

From Pikachu: I don't know guys, I'm really worried about him

From Venomoth: Kami, we all know why you're worried ;)

From Pikachu: Not the time Min, I'm serious :/

My heart sank as I read all the texts, I felt horrible knowing I worried everyone when I put my phone on silent, the only reason I saw Pops' text being that he's an emergency contact so he has emergency bypass.

To Espeon: Yes please, Pops talked to me a little bit ago

To Rayquaza: Hey Izu, I'm doing better, sorry for the late response I had my phone on silent

Tsukababes Pokémon

From Whismur: Hey guys, I'm sorry for worrying all of you

From Whismur: My phone was on silent, I'm really sorry

From Venomoth: TSUKABABES!!!

From Boldore: BRO!!!

From Scraggy: How are you holding up Tsuka?

From Whismur: I'm alright, just kinda meh and out of it

From Pikachu: How did it go with Shiroka?

From Boldore: Who's Shiroka?

From Whismur: She's my birth mom.

From Whismur: And it was fine, just more legal stuff

I locked my phone and tossed it on my bed, already somewhat drained with talking about it. I turned back to my laptop, ready to hit play on the paused video until a video call started coming through from Denki. Confused, I answered and quickly asked him to wait a moment so I could get my hearing aids in.

"Hey." I said awkwardly, still confused about to impromptu call. The blond sat on the other end playing a video game, sitting back in his gaming chair and I couldn't help but notice his hair mostly pulled back into a small ponytail and enunciating his jawline.

"Hey!" He said with a bright smile.

"Uh, what's up?" I asked hesitantly.

"I wanted to see how you were doing. You went MIA for a few hours and saw Shiroka. After last time.. I was worried." His voice grew soft towards the end, heavily showing just how concerned he was.

"I'll be okay." I told him with a small smile on my face. He looked off put for a moment before speaking again.

"So what happened?" I rearranged my area to buy some time but to also get more comfortable. I sat up straight in my bed and moved my laptop in front of me more.

"She got arrested." He paused his game and turned towards his camera completely.

"I'm gonna add Sero if that's okay." I nodded and watched the screen split before he joined.

"Hey Tsuka, you doing alright?" I nodded again and he looked slightly relieved. "Not mad that I was added, but why was I added?"

"Onryo was about to fill me in and since you're the only other one who knows about Shiroka I figured you might wanna be here so he wouldn't have to explain everything all over again." Sero hummed in understanding and asked what happened.

"She was arrested and my parents called me down to the station." Sero's eyes looked ready to jump out of his head.

"Woah." He slumped back at the news and ran a hand through his black hair. "What was she arrested for?"

"She got a few charges. The initial one was stalking followed by a harassment charge because when I was in the hospital in Hosu, she showed up and from what I was told, had to be dragged out." The two looked at me in shock and I anxiously fiddled with my fingers as I worked on getting the next slew of words out. "When they arrested her, she got charged with possession and drug misuse. So she had to detox in the hospital before they brought her in." The mood grew somber from the two and I started beating myself up for causing that shift in the atmosphere. "It's okay. I finally asked her what I wanted to, so I guess going there was worth it." I told them with a small smile, hoping it could be convincing enough.

"How come you went in to talk to her if she wasn't in a cell? They allowed that?" Denki asked, confusion written all over his face. So I explained everything for the most part, why I went in there, that she's getting a deal, and that I'll probably have to make an appearance in court.

"Are you sure you're doing okay, hermano?" I nodded quickly at Sero's question, wanting to erase all of his concern.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I hoped that my smile helped ease any of their worries. They shouldn't have to worry about me. Sero looked like he wanted to say something but ghost attention got redirected to his door.

"¡Baja en un minuto! Sorry, I have to go eat dinner. I'll see you both tomorrow. Text or call me if either of you need something." We both gave him a thumbs up but his comment struck an odd chord with me.

'Why would he say that to both of us?'

"Are you sure you're okay?" I nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, it's just been a weird day." He looked like he wanted to say something but didn't. "Sorry again, for worrying you guys. I didn't mean to."

"You don't have to apologize, it's okay!" He gave me a bright smile, the gesture contagious and making me smile as well.

"Alright.. What game are you playing?" He looked at the other screen and back at me before he started rambling.

His voice alone brought me comfort, let alone hearing him ramble about something. It was cute, listening to him go on about something that gave him joy. He talked for a good twenty minutes before he awkwardly smiled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Sorry.. I was rambling, huh?" I giggled and nodded.

"Yeah but it's okay. I- uh, it's relaxing." He gave me a playful smile.

"Nope, what were you going to say? Hmm?" I rolled my eyes jokingly at his teasing.

"I don't know what you're talking about." It was his turn to roll his eyes as he kicked back in his chair.

"C'mon, Onryo. I wanna know." I sighed and gave in, ducking me head slightly in hopes of hiding the blush that was working its way onto my face.

"I was gonna say that I like hearing you talk. But it is relaxing, you rambling about stuff, it's easy to keep up with." He smirked and turned his head but I could've sworn I saw him blushing.

"Do you want me to keep talking about stuff?" I nodded bashfully before he started talking about miscellaneous things again.

I tried my hardest not to stare and if he caught me then he didn't mention it, thankfully sparing me the embarrassment. But I have to remind myself that he's just a flirt. I've seen him flirt with Jirou and Momo, I've seen him check out a few people in our class. I have to get my feelings in check and push them down so I don't get hurt.

After a quiet dinner on my end and talking to Denki for a while until he fell asleep on the phone, I made coffee and met my brother in his room. Both Spots and Mittens already in there and Toshi with his array of blankets.

I take it Dad and Pops talked to you too?

I nodded slightly, still trying to wrap my head around it.

Yeah. What do you think about it?

I don't know. I don't know who either of my birth parents are and what if they turn out psycho? I don't know if I'm ready to know why they gave me up. What about you?

My file from the center has my birth dads name blank. He didn't sign my birth certificate either. So the only ways to go about it is question Shiroka again or doing a DNA test and finding out he's a criminal or dead. I already went through the freak show once with Shiroka, I don't know if I want to chance it again.

I don't blame you for that. Mine was a closed case though, so I don't know if it's even possible for me to find out. What do you think I should do?

I think if you have even an ounce of curiosity, or you want to ask them the questions I got to ask Shiroka, then go for it. If you want to know, Dad and Pops won't get mad. Pops went through the same thing with Dad by his side. What do you think I should do?

He thought for a moment, hands stilling in front of him.

I think the same thing you told me. And Onryo? I tilted my head to the side and hummed. If I meet them, can you be there? I know Dad and Pops would want to but if I meet them, two heroes in the room might scare them and I don't think I would be able to do it alone.

Of course. If I meet him, will you come too?

He nodded and we nursed our coffee. The cats also earning some well earned head scratches.

"Come in." Hitoshi said and I looked to the door curiously. The instinct to cover my arms slipping into my brain as I wore a muscle tank making me freeze for a moment before I relaxed.

Pops peaked his head in and sat on the bed beside me. His glasses on and hair messily tied out of his face.

"Just checkin' in, everything alright?" He asked, signing as he spoke. I nodded and Hitoshi did as well. "I'm sorry for springing the heavy question on you two listeners earlier. I probably should've waited."

It's okay, Pops. We were actually just talking about that.

"I figured as much. Either of you reach a decision or still thinking on it?"

Still thinking on it, but if either or both of us choose to, we decided that we would go together. Figured that you and Dad being there with one of us might overwhelm people a bit.

He laughed a little and bowed his head.

"Fair point, little listener."

Pops?

"What's up, Ryo?"

How did you know that you wanted to meet your birth parents?

"Well, my adoption story is a little different than yours."

"Can we hear about it?" Toshi asked before I got the chance. Pops looked shocked for a moment before the soft smile fell on his face again and he got comfortable.

"Alright, so like both of you, I was in and out of some pretty bad foster homes. I didn't get adopted until I was almost sixteen. As soon as I graduated I was forced to move out, so your Dad and I got our first apartment together. My adoptive parents aren't the worst but they have their views and grew up in a different time yada yada. Part of the reason you haven't met them is because they've made it clear that they love me but not that I'm married to Sho. And I don't want you two facing that negativity. But for a while, I wanted to at least know who my birth parents were. Curiosity and all. When I moved out though, I started thinking about it and finally did some digging after a while with the help of your Dad. It didn't go well by any means, but it helped to finally get some answers." I let what he told us sink in, absorbing his words.

Thank you, Pops.

He nodded and gave each of us a kiss on the head.

"I hope that helped at least a little." Toshi and I both nodded. "I'm going to go to bed now. Both of you try to get at least a little sleep before school, alright?" We agreed to his request and he gave us each a hug and ruffled our messes of hair. "Good night, I love you both."

I love you too.

"Love you too, Pops."

He left the room and gently shut the door behind him, my brother and I turning back to each other.

Do you know what you want to do?

Yeah. Do you?

No.

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