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#and the few i have been able to. dont accept my insurance
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i actually made a PowerPoint presentation for whoever is my next therapist
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actualsunflower · 11 months
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job searching, despite the tons of applications I've put in and the stupid fancy new resume i made, has been going very badly My mental health has just been absolute garbage type bad, which is why I've been stuck in this slump of not doing anything other than suffering... I'm working on getting my medications sorted out, which is helping me with this problem, but it's taking time and I'm dealing with my insurance denying everything (bcs I'm also in the process of getting approved for a hysterectomy AND a dermatologist and insurance doesn't like that) and getting a new psychiatrist I'm always still gratefully accepting any tips/donations to help me out while I don't have a job :') Here's my Ko-Fi 💖 Art in return will be back as soon as I'm finished with my queue once I'm able to manage things (when I say my mh has been bad... I mean like bad bad. the kind of bad you dont talk about online usually) Today after buying some food and body wash I have $11.86 in my bank, and blood work coming up Friday the 28th, as well as a few bills that autopay at the beginning of each month and will overdraft my bank ($58 for one and $66 for another, $124 total) I've actually also been trying to look into getting help with SSI because I was fired due to mental disability, but that hasn't been going well either. I'm still trying to get legal help on my behalf 🫡 will update on that too if anything changes...
I'm feeling really awful about all of this. It weighs on me very heavily and makes trying to get out of this depression worse, and I've been putting this off for a while because of how embarrassed I am. But I'm struggling a whole lot and ignoring it is just making it worse :') I really appreciate any shares and help 💖 My gratitude to my amazing community is immeasurable 💖🥹
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enigmaticpink · 1 year
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Rat cages do and dont's
I thought this would be a good reference post for those who have rats are or are thinking about getting rats, considering the amount of misinformation I see on this site about rat enclosures. I honestly could make a series of posts about rat care misconceptions as a whole but I think this is a really important one. Of course there are some exceptions to these, such as in the case of hospital cages or travel/temp cages, but that's not what I'm talking about in this post.
1. Do make sure it's the proper size
Rats need about 2.5 square feet per rat, and adding height or extra levels doesn't add to this, only adding floor space will. A critter nation, a popular rat cage, can only hold four rats. Adding a unit on top doesn't increase the amount of rats you can keep in one, only adding floor space by adding a unit on the side can increase the rat limit. 32x20x24 is the absolute minimum cage dimensions. There are many other brands that meet the requirements and are suitable, make sure to always check the dimensions. Plastic neon critter trails from PetSmart are never ever acceptable.
2. Do use loose substrate all along the base.
Rats are a fossorial species that need to be able to dig and burrow, and thus need at least a few inches of a suitable substrate to be properly enriched. Lining your cage with fleece or blankets is not suitable at all and is something I see many people doing too often. This is not proper rat care. Additionally do not use paper or clay pellets as a substrate through the whole base. Certain types of pellets are okay in litter boxes but aren't a suitable substrate.
Paper bedding is often used and it's not inherently harmful but paper has very poor ammonia control and the ammonia in rat pee is very bad for their delicate respiratory systems. You will need to change this out much more frequently to insure they're not breathing in a bunch of ammonia and it will stink alot more. Plus paper bedding can be more expensive. All around I wouldn't recommend it at all.
Wood shavings are a really good option, depending on the type. Certain woods like cedar and raw pine will release chemicals that aren't good for rats at all. Pine bedding is alright if kiln dried, but some rats still may be sensitive to it, in my experience. Aspen bedding and hemp bedding are great options. Make sure the bedding isn't too dusty, certain brands are less dusty than others, but it isn't too hard to sift the dust out on your own usually.
In the case of bio-active enclosures eco earth and other types of soil make really good substrates, but this type of cage set up honestly deserves its own post.
3. Do have proper ventilation
Like stated before the ammonia in their pee is very bad for their respiratory systems, therefor a cage needs to be properly ventilated. Bin cages, tanks and aquariums, any cage that doesn't have proper ventilation on all sides, is harmful. They need to have proper air flow in and out of the cage. That's why cages with the typical four wired sides and wired top is best. I even see homemade cages with two sides made of wood and two sides made of wire cloth and this isn't okay either. (Not to mention wood cages are improper as well do to pee absorption and being able to be chewed through)
4. Don't use too many levels
Little to no levels should be used in your cage if you want an active lay out. Try replacing them with lava ledges, ropes, branches, baskets and the like, to make the cage layout more enriching and to keep them active and healthy. Ramps especially aren't recommended, this can cause laziness, hind leg degeneration, and wired ramps can cause bumble foot. Wired anything except for the sides of the cage are a big no.
Some people keep one or a minimal amount of levels and I think this is okay depending on what you do with it. I keep one level in my cage to hold a dig box but all other additional levels have been removed.
5. Do fill it with the right things
A big cage that goes above and beyond the size recommendations but isn't filled properly is still subpar. They need lots of enrichment and alot of "clutter" so to speak, to feel safe. A wide open bare cage will not make them feel secure and they will be extremely bored.
They should have lava ledges and ropes and the like for climbing. Sea grass mats and branches made of safe wood also are great. Check beforehand to see if any wooden item is made of a wood that's safe for rats, as some wood is toxic to them. I personally use grape wood and apple wood in my cage.
Foraging toys are also a great, and I'd say necessary, addition to any proper cage. They need things to keep them from getting bored, they are extremely intelligent animals and foraging toys or small puzzles like that are great for them. Actually lots of toys for parrots are great for rats.
They should have at least a few different places to sleep, such as hammocks or hides. I like to have at least one of either for everyone rat.
Fall breakers. This is extremely important to insure the safety of your rats. If your rat falls from the top of the cage, fall breakers are there to catch them and avoid potential injuries. Seagrass mats, nets, and Ikea tie holders are amazing for this, I recommend multiple. You should have enough that there's not too many open spaces your rat can fall through. They also additional give your rat more things to climb on, making the layout more active.
Rats can be littered trained, and paper litter pellets are good for litter boxes, or a different type of substrate then the one you use for the rest of the cage. Just make sure the litter tray doesn't have a wired bottom.
Also additional I recommend having nesting material available in the cage, such as Timothy hay or orchard grass or anything along those lines. They really do enjoy putting nests together with them and it adds some texture variety for them.
6. Do have proper water sources
Rats should have access to clean, fresh water at all times. They should have multiple sources of water.
Bowls aren't bad but are very likely to be spilled, spoiled, or contaminated and need to be changed at least daily. If you do give them water in a bowl they should still always have at least one bottle, though I would recommend more depending on how many rats you have.
7. Don't house rats alone
I think most know this but I'm adding it on in case. Rats are social animals and you cannot replace their need for same species companionship. They should be grouped in groups of two at minimum, and two is the absolute minimum. Three or more is actually much more recommended. Housing a rat alone for long periods of time is down right cruel.
Also don't house them with non rat animals, such as mice and hamsters and the like. They should not under any circumstances be interacting with other species, other than their fellow rats and their humans. Your cat grooming them is not cute.
If there's anything I forgot to say, feel free to add on.
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I NEED MONEY SO I DONT BECOME HOMELESS OR GET FORCED BACK INTO AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD
My name is Franny and I just turned 18 not too long ago.
Two years ago my mom abruptly and untimely passed away, forcing my ill-prepared 20 y/o brother to become my caregiver and making me an orphan.
Long story short, neither of us knew what we were doing and child protective services never intervened so I ended up becoming ward of the state. I have no insurance and I don't recieve social security benefits from either of my dead parents. I've tried to reach out to the ss office over the phone but few people have been able to assist me due to my age and the complicated nature of my situation. I was advised to talk to someone in person about my situation but all offices near me have been closed due to the pandemic. Now I feel more scared for my future because 1) I don't know if I'll be able to obtain back pay 2) I have no savings and 3) my brother gave up caring for me, leaving me with no other family to turn to and essentially making me homeless if it weren't for my boyfriend's family.
However it is becoming more and more clear over time that my boyfriend's parents can't afford to take care of me nor do they want to. As my situation evolves and progresses, I am becoming more & more fearful I'll be on the street due to the strain all of this has put on my relationship.
I'm only 18. I do not want to feel forced to stay romantically involved with a boy for stability. Please help me.
I can for sure accept money via venmo or zelle and I may try to make a cashapp or paypal if necessary (or anything else). Please please please dm me if you can help asap. I'm sorry if any of this sounds selfish or makes me appear lazy, I know many other people are also struggling right now. This was simply my last resort.
I'm going to reblog with additional details regarding what I need money for and why it is so urgent. Just had to finally put this out there as a start.
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weabooweedwitch · 2 years
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I don’t want this to come across as, like, pity because it’s not and I’m sure you don’t want that, I mean this in the normalest, friendliest, least parasocial way possible because having followed you for years and spoke to you a few times it sucks that you are in this situation and have had to repeatedly go through it: can we help you somehow? Ko fi donations, Amazon wishlist, therapy fund etc? Is there anything we could do to make things a little more bearable?
For one I just wanna say that it actually just in itself means a lot that people are wanting to help me or at least vocally reaching out because like.. this is such a big world we're living in and its so easy to feel like i dont mean shit or matter for shit or can change shit at all so its nice to know that like. I dunno.. im glad i was able to kinda find this space for myself because like i dont really have a social life and without you guys (using "you guys" as a general word for all of my online friends rn) i wouldn't have anyone else to turn to
And also I don't perceive you guys wanting to help me as pity at all and really its kind of just validation because I'm basically 24/7 doubting myself and "am I valid for x, am I valid for y" so when im having kind of a crisis and people actually say "shit bro you ok" that feels better than like. I dunno. What does mother usually say. Stuff that's meant to be supportive but is kind of just toxic positivity like "You're overreacting and don't even think about it" which, those can be valid grounding techniques but like, you usually try and soothe the initial feeling first and then tell yourself not to think about it if you're obsessing over it
So I typed up what accidentally turned into a huge paragraph but, as nice as an Amazon wishlist sounds --because it makes me feel good people like me and gifts are always nice of course-- I would feel guilty for even making that public, and, to be realistic, my rent is very cheap and the only reason I don't have a lot of savings is because I keep spending money on bullshit. I kind of need to exercise restraint and actually save money because uh like I've been working for like 2 or 3 years now and I basically still have what I started with. So. I guess TLDR is "i would feel guilty accepting gifts i can technically afford for myself and also I would feel like a total chump beggar 😔". Maybe when I learn more self kindness I'll feel less guilt accepting gifts I guess? Where i am right now, it just feels like I'm being, I dunno, manipulative
Monetary donations are kind of the same and I'm stricter on that and try not to take money unless there's some kind of emergency. I do worry about money a lot but its usually always in the "how can I support myself on my own in the future" sense. I mean, most people put away a small part of every paycheck, but my savings account actually kind of expired and got closed so I just have the one checking one and uh, it's easy for me to keep pulling out of it, you know 💀 but that circles back to "i have to personally learn how to exercise financial restraint" and also like. Let's not. Think about how all the socioeconomic policies in America aren't even remotely in my control so I should uh try and ignore that technically no job is paying enough and everyone has to have roommates or a spouse to afford anything 😅
And also. Yeah I'm ok on like therapy funds and stuff because I'm actually on state insurance, actually I'm trying to cut down my work hours to guarantee I stay in the right financial bracket so I can keep it. I was talking to a couple people last night and I might consider going to a doctor again soon but im really hesitant about it. It kinda seems like I need a more thorough evaluation from a psychiatrist and. Well.
I think my first "big goal" for right now is that I should put some money aside and. Uh. Well. Kinda quit my job for a while so I can focus on those sorts of things. I feel really bad even saying that but the fact is, the fact is, im a person with severe mental illness and depression and my current job involves random strangers constantly constantly treating me like shit and sometimes getting very verbally abusive and aggressive and sometimes just having someone suddenly approach me can be very startling? Did I ever tell you guys about the time a random older man just came up from behind me and briefly grabbed me from behind? It was ad a joke and I was on edge watching my peripheral vision for motion that entire week
So I guess to make a long story short I think I should. Focus on what I want to do in terms of medicine right now and really fight to pursue the fact I think some really important diagnoses have been missed, and to do that without a lot of stress, to have a flexible schedule to see a doctor, I think the best decision is to take off work for a while, which I think is a good idea anyways? So to do that with a clear conscience I just want to have a few months of my portion of rent and then some extra in my bank account so I won't have to stress about immediately getting back to work or getting a new job. Because that's another decision I have to make: for I want to brave the current job market and look for another job and risk the one I currently have.
Long answer is long but I have a lot of thoughts right now 💀 talking with you guys has been a huge help in of itself so thats the only payment I'll accept for right now 🥰
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snoewolf · 4 years
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Im not good at blogging.
I always assume its not worth posting and just dont do it.
Ive been pretty depressed lately. Bae has been amazing and trying to help me through it.. but sometimes.. theres nothing even he can do to make me feel better.
My birthday came and went, its always hard for me the week of my birthday ever since my exhusband served me divorce and child custody papers on said birthday. Its been a couple years, and nothing bad has happened since then.. but it still haunts me.. like im waiting on the next shoe to drop or something.
I keep catching myself treating Bae really bad even when he doesnt do anything to deserve it. He is amazing to me, and does everything for me literally treating me like a Queen. He loves my children like his own and actually interacts with them.. what more could i ask for? But when i get into these depths.. i feel myself treating him unfairly based on what happened to me in my previous relationship. He handles it well, but i know hes just as tired of it as I am.
Still no further on getting my child support from my ex.. which really sucks. I ended up having to drop out of school. They offered for me to go back in a few months.. but theres no way im going to be able to afford it. Im already working double to try to make up for how behind on my bills its made me since i started the program. This saddens me, but im trying to think of it positively.. i wasnt really happy once i was in the program and saw how hospital employees are treated... and treat each other.
My current job is amazing and works with my schedule when possible and i am so thankful for the opportunity. But. It doesnt pay very well for the amount of time im away from my kids to do said work. (How does america expect a single parent to live on $9/hr without any kind of help?!) I cant even afford rent, let along car/phone/electricity/gas/ whatever else comes with renting. My credit isnt good enough to buy anything not to mention wouldnt be approved simply for how many cobwebs are in my bank account.
SO ive been looking for a second job, or a better paying job. I found a second job that pays better.. and offers health insurance! Ive been looking for months and finally got a call for an interview. It happened to be on my day off. How great is that?! So of course i went, theyre paying amazingly! I got there and along with 4 other people, they start showing us around. I thought that was weird.. ive had interviews with this company before and never was shown around the whole place.. but i just accepted it because ive never had an interview with this specific location. We go to the back and im ready for the interview! They start handing us company vests and work tools... im a little confused until they had out schedules. I got the job! Wait... this isnt an interview.. this is orientation! Oh snap! What am i suppose to tell my current job?! Luckily my current job hadnt put out the next weeks schedule yet so i was able to alert my manager as soon as i got out of the building.
Unfortunately, she was not happy. Granted, had it been up to me.. i would have much rathered given a heafty warning.. i dont like to leave any job on bad terms (and so far havent 🤞🏻) so i let my manager know im being trained for this second job for the next two weeks and i cant mess with those days but it doesnt effect my current job at all this week.. which is all i have a schedule for.. she doesnt think she should have to work around another jobs schedule when i worked here first.. i agree.. but.. in my shoes.. this other job is a better opportunity for -me-, for -my- bills for -my- family. So she told me she fixed it for the next two weeks but wasnt happy about it.
Sooooo.
Im now working the next 14 days straight and even at two jobs in the same day.. 🤦🏻‍♀️ im gonna hate myself for sure. But! My daughters birthday is next week and i need to buy her more than the only gift i currently have for her. And Christmas is right around the corner! I need to catch up my car payment and keep my phone bill current and not late... not to mention gymnastics/dance/and boyscouts that i dont want to take away from my kids because its not their fault im poor.
So luckily today hasnt been too awkward at my job but i did tell Bae that depending on how petty they decide to be over the next two weeks depends on if i keep 2 jobs or focus solely on the new one that pays so much better. So. We'll see. Id like to have both at least until Christmas so i can get some presents under my tree.
I guess thats as good of an update as i got currently. Whoopwhoop.
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imagine-loki · 4 years
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Stubborn Independence
TITLE: Stubborn Independence 
CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10
AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 
Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.
+
Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.
+
Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 
AUTHOR’S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin’s company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki’s plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.
My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight
 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~
Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.
“How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there.”
Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. “You are very gifted.”
“Thanks. It’s not… I guess it isn’t so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major.”
“When do your mock classes start?”
“Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class.”
Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.
She gave Loki a big smile. “Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!" 
Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.
She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.
Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena’s look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.
"What the hell?” She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.
Loki smirked, “Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself.”
“Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?”
“It would have been considered helping.”
Sirena tapped Loki’s arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.
Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. “So get anything you can easily eat in the car.”
“Where are we going to go?”
Sirena snickered. “Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm.”
Loki grumbled, “touche.”
Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.
“With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me.” Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.
“He does seem a bit…” Loki hesitated for the right word.
“Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him.”
Loki immediately asked, “Brother? So you two aren’t dating?”
Sirena forced a gag and muttered “ew” several times. “No we aren’t dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me.”
“He was trying to scare me away then?”
Sirena shrugged her shoulders. “Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to…talk to.”
Loki had to be cheeky. “Am i good company?”
Sirena teased. “I think so.”
Loki laughed at his own question. “Was this planned out?”
Sirena pouted, “Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be.”
Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. “Where does he want us?”
“Beside each other.”
“You are being vague.”
“Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?” Sirena teased.
“Just wondering if there is more to this… How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…”
“maybe this is part of his plans..” Sirena glances at Loki’s lips as she leans slightly.
Loki starts to lean in as well. 
The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.
Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, “so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?”
Sirena grinned, “I initiated the kiss, so I asked.”
Loki shrugged. “Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?”
Sirena seemed hesitant. “We can do our Q and A right here.”
“Do you actually have insurance on your phone?” It was the first question Loki came up with.
Sirena laughed, “that question is what you open up with?”
Loki nodded with a smirk.
She sighed before answering. “Yes I do. They won’t send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it.”
“Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better.”
“You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason.”
“Why not get a new phone?”
“I am worried about losing my pictures.”
Loki beamed. “I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work.”
“Maybe. Enthusiastic helper.”
Loki thought for a second. “I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud.”
Sirena looked confused. “That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms.”
Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.
“Oh come on dont laugh at me!”
Loki couldn’t help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.
“I didn’t mean to offend.”
“Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?”
Loki asked. “Really? Okay straight.”
And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.
Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki “ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too." 
Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.
Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn’t mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.
Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn’t take the money.
He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.
Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery.” Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.
Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn’t understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki’s skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.
They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn’t take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.
During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.
Fandral teased, “I am sure Loki is going to love it.”
Sirena glared at Fandral. “It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere.”
A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.
It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki’s hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses,  hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.
Not at all troubling.
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foolgobi65 · 4 years
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careful man’s careless daughter
@philtstone prompted: Anne/Gilbert babysitter au fake dating prompt #5 let’s go laydees “you have the emotional capacity of a brick. that slate I broke over  your head.” (we’re pretending people still use slates now....american schools have no money...its possible ok) 
k so i was trying to figure out how to work in the babysitter + fake dating and ... like a flash the plot to this old telugu/tamil movie i love missamma/missaimaa came to mind -- its not quite the same because they’re two people pretending to be married so that they can make money as school teachers/live in tutors for a wealthy family’s daughter but it works just enough that i decided to roll with it lol. 
this technically isn’t the actual babysitting, nor the fake dating which I actually turned into a fake marriage lol, but i hope u still like it, even though it is all over the place and a general wreck because i wrote it straight through without any editing or thought towards pacing/characterization bc i havent written in forever lol!! im not even sure what the time period setting is lol, and i dont think my translating of the anne events into a semi modern day even works but w/e lol. 
u are the truest of friends, the light of my life, and have certainly heard more than your share of my mental breakdowns both in the last month and the last few years lol. u deserve all the good things, all the good fic, all the time. 
title is a perversion of a tswift lyric because it came up on youtube. if anyone wants to send in prompts from here
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“You owe him how much?” 
Anne sighs, crossing her legs to hide how uncomfortable she is in this moment -- here she is in the park, fifteen thousand dollars plus interest in medical debt for Marilla’s eye surgery and being hounded by Roy Gardner, ex boyfriend apparently turned loan shark who was on his knees proclaiming both love and loan forgiveness should Anne just accept his proposal. 
Here Gilbert Blythe is, sitting on a park bench after two years without contact, watching the whole thing. 
“Marilla doesn’t have health insurance,” Anne says, eyes on the ground as she uses the toe of her shoe to grind a leaf into the sidewalk cement. “Even when I was teaching, the union plan didn’t let people add parents on as dependents.” She sighs. “With everything happening with the farm, she couldn’t afford to put money towards a plan and so when her eyes got bad....” 
For a moment, there is silence. Anne can almost hear Gilbert’s jaw clench “That’s just wrong.” 
Anne laughs, and because her eyes are averted she doesn’t see Gilbert flinch. “That’s America, Blythe.” 
“Well,” she hears him say, tone just dripping with what Mrs. Rachel would call the Blythe Stubbornness, “It shouldn’t be.” 
She won’t ever admit it, but there’s something Anne has always found deeply compelling about Gilbert when he gets into these moods -- all righteously indignant in a way that Anne feels inside of her own body. Or felt, before Matthew died and left behind debts not even Marilla had known about, and Marilla’s eyes worsened around the the time Anne was let go from her teaching job and even if she had had the job it wouldn’t have mattered, she knows, but still. Beautiful, wonderful, beloved Diana had offered to help, of course she had, but Anne knew that Fred’s business wasn’t yet where it should be and that the parents Barry were still unimpressed with their son in law to be’s financial acumen. So she’d had to go to Roy, who had of course lent his beautiful Anne the money, and of course had arranged for Marilla to be treated at the best hospital in Toronto, of course had set them up in the apartment of a friend of his right in downtown where the rents were a thousand maybe two per month. He’d popped the question for the third time the second Marilla had been released back into Anne’s care. 
Almost as if he can hear her thoughts, Gilbert speaks -- “Gardner shouldn’t be harassing you like this either. Who ever heard of charging interest on a loan to a friend? And what on earth does he think he’s going to take from you if you just don’t pay?” 
Anne burns. This, she hasn’t told Marilla, nor even her darling Diana. For some reason, it seems alright to tell Gilbert. “The farm,” she mumbles.
Gilbert snorts. “I’m sorry, I must have misheard. Are you saying that Roy Gardner, heir to one of the biggest fortunes in Boston and your ex boyfriend, took your home as collateral on a loan for money you needed to pay for your mother’s surgery?” 
Anne says nothing. She still hasn’t looked up at him, hasn’t been able to meet his gaze since she sat down on the bench and told Roy to get up off his knees and wait two months for either his money or her affirmative answer. She blinks, having mercifully forgotten that Gilbert was present for that last bit. She hopes he’s forgotten too. 
“And wait, before he left you said....” No such luck. “Anne!” Anne’s sure her entire head must be flame as she closes her eyes, bringing her knees up on the park bench and burying her face into her own lap. “Anne you said you’d marry him if you couldn’t get the money!” 
“There’s no debt between spouses,” Anne mumbles. “We’d get to keep the farm, and I wouldn’t ever worry about Marilla’s health again.” 
“But you don’t love him!” She doesn’t know if she’s ever heard Gilbert sound so scandalized. 
“I used to!” she tries to retort, but even Anne knows that her voice betrays her when she tries to speak this lie. “I used to think I was,” she amends, “and maybe that’s as close as I’m allowed to get -- he’s rich, handsome, he even loves me! What more could I ask for?” 
“Coercing you into marriage, demanding interest on money that we all know is just pocket change for someone like him...that’s not love,” Gilbert Blythe responds, with all that....that all-knowing Blytheness in his voice that Anne has hated since she was 13 years old and the new kid in a class of people who had always known each other just as easily as they had known themselves. “Love is selfless, Anne, strong and kind. It makes you better for giving away your heart, even if the one you love doesn’t give you theirs in return.” 
Gilbert Blythe, always acting as if he knows something Anne does not. He speaks as if he’s been in love, at some point over the years since he was last in Avonlea and for some reason Anne absolutely burns with that knowledge. Ooh she just hates him, now at 24 just as easily as she had at 13! 
“And what exactly is love worth if it means I just lose the farm trying to pay for Marilla’s surgery, and still have nothing for the next time she’s sick?” Suddenly Anne is on her feet, hands on her hips as she glares at Gilbert looking quite alarmed as he still sits on the bench. The words she has kept locked on the inside, too private to even be written in a diary, come pouring out in one big rush:
“Three of my four parents are already dead, Gilbert Blythe.” Her voice hitches, to her horror, her sudden fury vanishes as she has to blink away the tears she has kept at bay since she and Marilla buried Matthew. Damn Gilbert, for bringing this out of her as well. “I can’t...I couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.” Her lips thin, and with a breath, her voice steadies. “I don’t care what you, or anyone else thinks about my choices if it means that I can take care of Marilla.” 
Gilbert’s eyes have the sheen of his own tears when he stands, his own lips wobbling just slightly. “I...” he swallows. “Of course, Anne.” Something Anne recognizes as self hatred passes briefly over his face, but she doesn’t understand. “I wish I had money like Gardner to give you, I really do.”   
Anne gentles, even if something inside her twists to be the object of the long-old guilt mixed with pity, much less Gilbert Blythe. Since Matthew’s death, every person in Avonlea it seems has sat with Anne and Marilla and offered their deep condolences, their absolute shock at the pair’s financial state of affairs, how much they wish they could help but sadly cannot, what with the way the bank’s collapse has hit their own finances. Only families like the Gardners survive economic crashes with money to burn. 
“I wouldn’t have taken it even if you had,” she offers instead, shrugging casually. 
His eyes flash. “But you took Gardner’s?” 
“I thought he loved me!” Anne closes her eyes, somehow feeling her cheeks flush even deeper. This is why she’s avoided all mention of Gilbert Blythe so strenuously since high school graduation, because more than anyone else he is the one who drags out the words she is always learning to keep inside. Here he is, somehow pulling confessions Anne hadn’t even dreamed of telling Diana, confessions that make her seem small, and stupid, lost in a world so much more complicated and treacherous than she can handle all on her lonesome. 
Well, she thinks, in for a penny -- 
“I thought he loved me,” she says, “and that he had the money to spare. I didn’t realize...” She looks away again, so that she never has to see him react to her folly. 
“Oh Anne,” Gilbert says, for some reason so soft and stricken that Anne’s knees go weak with her sudden desire to fall to the ground and weep. “You deserve so much better.” 
And now she’s angry again. “What would you know about what I deserve?” Anne spits, “you haven’t even been home since you started med school!” Vaguely, Anne thinks that Gilbert hasn’t been home since she and Roy had gotten serious, serious enough for her to bring him to Green Gables and show him the place that had been her very first love. Coincidences can be so strange. 
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, glaring again at the ground. “None of this matters. I’m just going to go home” Anne clenches her jaw, knowing that when she gets back to Green Gables she will go into her room and play every excruciating part of this conversation back in her head, again and again until she throws up or passes out at dawn from sheer exhaustion. Maybe both, if she’s lucky. She leans back slightly and manages to turn around on her heels, a trick Gilbert Blythe had always pulled at school and had had girls thinking he was so cool.
She’s five minutes away from the park bench when suddenly she hears him call out her name. 
“Anne,” he shouts again much closer, bending at his waist to balance his hands at his knees as he pants. “God, it really has been two years since I was on the university football team.” 
Despite the roiling emotions of five minutes ago, Anne’s lips quirk. “I can’t imagine you all practiced very much to end up near the bottom of your league every year.” 
Gilbert’s eyes widen, and for some reason he flushes. Maybe he’s so out of shape that it’s from exertion? “I didn’t realize you kept up with my matches.”  Ah. Anne, it seems, will experience nothing else but one long sustained flush as long as she is in front of Gilbert Blythe. “You know,” she tries to say casually, “you hear things here and there. Diana told me the village gossip.” 
Gilbert opens his mouth, but then suddenly shakes his head, like a dog trying to dislodge water from its fur. “I have...” he frowns. “I have a proposition for you.”  Anne raises what she hopes is an elegant eyebrow. “Oh?” 
He grimaces. “There’s a boarding school, a Catholic one, that’s asking for teachers over the summer for a few of their select students who want to be coached for college admissions. Essays, standardized tests, everything. They’ve got heaps of money, and are willing to pay salaries up front. Plus, they cover all your expenses while you’re there!” 
Anne blinks, feeling the beginnings of hope gather as kindling at the very dredges of her heart. Once, both Anne and Gilbert had competed so well against each other that they had both gotten into Harvard. Then, Matthew had died, and Anne decided she could just as easily get a teaching degree at the state school and stay closer to Marilla too. Gilbert alone had had the distinction of being the first from Avonlea to reach such heights, and had reached even higher when he had been accepted again to Harvard Medical School. 
But at one point, both Anne and Gilbert had taken their SATs. They’d both written their application essays. They’d both gotten in. Anne, even, had been offered a full ride compared to Gilbert’s only partial scholarship, so there could even be an argument that of the two, Anne had been the one on top. 
And if nothing else, Anne is even better at teaching than she was at taking tests. 
“I’ll do it,” she says firmly. “Where and when do I need to report, and how much money are they offering?”  For a second, a bright, dazzling grin paints Gilbert’s face. “Really? Ten--” he coughs, “Twenty thousand.” Anne frowns. 
“Each?” It sounds like a dream come true. Five thousand more than Anne needs, and paid upfront. She could save the farm, and put away five thousand towards the farm’s debts. “That sounds....exorbitant.”  He nods, suddenly more confident. “Yep! Twenty thousand for sure.” He laughs. “I know Gardner was supposed to be slumming it at state school, but you really can’t be surprised at how much money rich people are willing to throw at a problem.” 
“The problem being...their children.”  Gilbert’s grin turns wicked. “The problem being their children’s SAT scores, and lack of compelling anecdote to base an admission’s essay on, yes.” 
Anne laughs, wicked in this moment as well. She wishes in this moment, fiercely, as she has many times over the last few years, that she had been able to go to university with Gilbert at her side -- as the friends they had slowly begun to be after years of one and two sided enmity, before time and distance had turned them into near strangers. She doesn’t regret staying back, not really, but there is a part of her that no one had ever understood half as well as Gilbert Blythe, who had, after the Harvard interest meeting, drawn and pinned up a schedule for practice SATs that took into account both his and Anne’s often conflicting life schedules. 
“What’s the catch,” she asks, grinning when Gilbert chokes “come on, Blythe, there’s always a catch with offers like this. Is it across from a waste manufacturing plant? Is the principal a pervert?” 
Slowly, Gilbert Blythe is turning red. “Ah,” he says, shuffling like he never did even when he was an errant schoolboy. “Well,” he says, and....is that his voice cracking? 
“Gilbert,” Anne says, trying to reassure him, “I grew up in the foster system, I can handle much worse than bad smells and pervert principals, I promise.” 
He frowns. “It’s not that,” he says slowly, “but basically they’re looking for two teachers, a man and a woman to manage the boys and the girls while the rest of the staff go on vacation.” 
Anne smiles, trying to ignore the jolt of her heart at the thought of an entire summer with Gilbert, studying like they used to but as friends. Her old dreams, finally coming true. “That’s perfect then, you take one job and I’ll take the other! It’ll be like old times, kind of.” 
He smiles faintly, as if, even after locking horns with the best and brightest at Harvard, Anne is still the person he wants to be trading barbs with over the heads of high school students for months on end. “I’d like nothing better, he says, except...” 
“Except?” 
Gilbert inhales. “ExceptTheSchoolWillOnlyHireAMarriedCoupleSoThatTheyDon’tHaveToWorryAboutOutofWedlockSexorTeachersHavingSexWithStudents.” All in a rush, and now Gilbert is the one who can’t apparently handle eye contact.
“What?” 
“The school,” Gilbert says to his shoes, “since it’s Catholic, and also since they’re lazy, only want a married couple so that they don’t have to have anyone watching to make sure the teachers aren’t having sex with the students. Or each other.” 
Anne blinks. “But we’re not married!” 
Gilbert grimaces, opening his mouth, but then just biting his lip. They could be, Anne thinks, only a tad hysterical. Only all of Avonlea was matching them up all the years of high school, and even the years after until she’d met Roy. It would be so easy to get a certificate. They could get a divorce by September, even annul their marriage since they definitely wouldn’t be having sex. 
Twenty thousand dollars. 
“So what you’re saying,” Anne says slowly, her lip curling of its own accord “is that after all that talk about what love is and isn’t, and telling me that I shouldn’t marry Roy for the money he’d give me, your blockheaded solution is instead, for me to marry you?” 
Gilbert looks up. “Well when you put it that way--”  Anne sees red, even as she already sees herself in one of her old white lace dresses, standing with Gilbert at the courtroom and signing. “Gilbert Blythe I don’t believe you! Sometimes, I think that you really do have all the emotional capacity of that slate I broke over your head!” 
“I know,” he says tone heavy with something so sad that Anne’s hearten softens a bit of its own accord. “But you really need the money, and I promise we’ll get a divorce by September.” He smiles, but there’s something bitter at the corners that Anne has never seen before -- she almost raises her hand to rub the strand of emotion off his lips. “And you’re not the only one who needs the money. Will you do it?” 
Twenty thousand dollars. The farm, Marilla, an end to the eternal pity of Avonlea. And also, a small part of her suggests, an opportunity to finally spend time with this new Gilbert Blythe who went off into the world and left her behind. 
She sighs. “I vote that you be the one to tell Mrs. Lynde.” 
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werealljustwinginit · 3 years
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Okay here is my recent story about why America sucks ass (unrelated to the many problems that are currently in the news):
I lost health insurance during the global pandemic after I turned 26 in July. I am unemployed, currently not receiving unemployment, and am living on my own trying to pay my bills. In August, I woke up and had horrible, dehibilitating neck pain. I was unable to move and was sobbing from the excruciating pain. I laid on the floor for four days straight. If I lived alone I wouldn’t have been able to get up to even get food. Luckily I live with my boyfriend. Anyway—four days of excurtiating pain where I couldn’t go to any doctor because I didn’t have insurance. My neck only got better when I started taking a few old muscle relaxers from like seven years ago. After two weeks I was relatively back to normal, but since my neck has still not felt normal. I experience daily pain and it has gotten to the point where it not affects my back and shoulders. Standing up straight my shoulders are visibly uneven, when I turn my neck it cracks loudly, I am limited in motion and constantly am trying to roll out and massage my back and neck.
After five months of living with this pain I was finally able to apply and qualify for Medicaid. Since America hates helping it’s citizens, there are not many doctors that recognize and accept medicaid, so it’s very hard to find doctors and you need to use this government approved site. I found a chiropractor on that website and made an appointment—FINALLY. And when I get there—THEY FUCKING TELL ME THEY DONT ACCEPT MEDICAID. I was so mad but after nearly half a year of being in pain I decided to keep the appointment, especially seeing as I was already there.
Long story short—after very expensive x-rays and exams, they tell me I have lost the curvature of my neck and will need to regain that. And I also have a pinched nerve. If I don’t get them fixed they can become irreversible and I will just have to live with chronic pain. But in order to fix them I need to maintain alignment and stay loose, meaning I have to go to the doctor two to three times a week.
Ultimately they want to charge me around $700 dollars in order to fix this. If I don’t fix this, I will live a life full of pain and will limit myself in daily activities, let alone leisure activities for the rest of my life. Since America doesn’t fucking have free healthcare I now need to decide if I should pay $700 as a fucking unemployed young person, who has no income, during a global pandemic, in order to hopefully not be in pain and be able to live a normal, pain free, non-dibilitating lifestyle.
Oh, and on top of this—I have my normal bills to pay, I need to buy groceries, and fucking student loans start up again at the end of the month.
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mueritos · 4 years
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hey, fellow trans guy here! i hope this isnt too rude of me to ask, but ive been unable to start t even though im an adult, because i live with my mom and she wont accept me as a trans man so she wont let me go and start t. did you have any of the same issues, and was it better once you moved out? Again, sorry if this is too personal, im just really at a loss with how to be who i am while being held back by a controlling parent
Hiya! Not rude at all to ask these types of questions. I’m going to insert a read more because this got quite lengthy.
I am actually still living with parents (though I hope to possibly move on campus for the next school years fingers crossed it happens) but yes, my parents were not completely accepting at first. T was the last thing they wanted me to do. However, I made it clear to them that I wanted to start t with their approval, but if not, then t was the first thing I was going to do as soon as I turned 18. Either way, I started T a few weeks after my 18th birthday and my parents let me. Legally they couldn’t do much in terms of stopping me.
I hope you know that legally your mom can’t do much to stop you either. It would unfortunately mean tho that if she doesn’t turn around anytime soon, you’ll have to be responsible for paying for some medical costs your insurance (if you have it) won’t cover. I pay for my T subscription (60$), my copays (25$ each visit), my needles (10$), and other bits and bobs I need (I dont pay for blood tests but if there was a bill, then my parents prolly took care of it). This isn't necessarily because my parents don’t support me, I just wanted to let them know that this is something important to me. 
Either way, legally your mom can't stop you from walking into the doctors office and requesting a visit with a gender therapist. After you’re 18 you're legally allowed to go into appointments alone and such. Your parents don’t have to know what happens in those visits. I suggest researching in your state confidentiality laws and your insurances’ own regulations. That may help give you guidance.
I also suggest finding a support system! If you can’t drive but know someone who’s willing to take you to your appointments and such that would be a great help. Same if you don’t have a car or just feel upset at having to go to these appointments alone. A support system either way can and will help you when times get tough. If your mom cant realize the harm she’s putting you in by refusing to let you transition by the time you do, it will help a lot to have someone to talk to.
I hope everything works out in your favor, my friend, and if you truly cannot transition while living with your mom, just know that one day you will be able to do the things you feel you need to do. I wish you luck my friend, and stay strong!
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yandere-society · 5 years
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can i request a yandere jimin that’s so dependent on the reader that when she goes to work and he stays home (because he’s out of work/works at home), he literally destroys himself and ends up going to her work looking like he was mauled by a bear (not literally but i hope you get the point). it’s totally fine if you don’t do it!!! — 🐹
Labor of Love
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word count: 1.7k
author/admin: kimseokmomjins🥀
a/n: this contains extremely graphic depictions of self-harm and mentions of suicide, please read at your own discretion 
The violent vibrations of your cellphone caused you to awake with a startle. You scrambled to silence your phone, knowing Jimin was not fond of his sleep being interrupted by nuisances, but hesitated when you saw your superior’s name illuminating the screen.
Manager Kim never called you, always electing to communicate through e-mail, so his call was a surprise to you, to say the least. Something must’ve gone wrong with the latest project. Carefully sliding out of the sheets so as to not wake Jimin, you scuttled away to your adjoining bathroom and accepted the call. Manager Kim gave you no room to speak, immediately cutting to the chase the second you answered.
“You need to come in now. Our client received your design and he claims it’s not what he asked for. Now the bastard wants something bigger, flashier, and done in 3 hours.” You cupped your hand around the receiver, keeping your voice hushed. “Namjoon, you know I can’t, I have—” 
“Y/N,” he pleaded, “Please. I let you work from home seven days a week, I keep our correspondence solely through e-mail. I don’t ask questions about your lifestyle. I’m only asking you to help just this once.” His desperation pulled at your heartstrings, reminding you a lot of a certain someone. Inhaling, you shut your eyes tightly and acquiesced. “Fine, Namjoon. I’ll come in, but only for an hour or two.” You could practically hear the tension in his voice dissipate as he thanked you for your cooperation. “I knew I could count on you! I’ll see you soon, be prepared for a shitstorm.” Manager Kim ended the call abruptly, leaving you to contemplate your next decision.
There was no way Jimin would let you go into work, much less on such short notice. Some would call him controlling, or even downright insane, but to you, he was just a man with an extremely unhealthy inferiority complex. Jimin was someone who loved fiercely, passionately, but never believed people could reciprocate those same feelings towards him. Not even you, his wife of 3 years, who loved him more than life itself—who held him in her arms after every breakdown, every relapse. 
But being the sole breadwinner of the household meant you had to make the difficult choice: either go to the office or get fired. Either way, you either risked potentially losing Jimin, or losing your house, the car and health insurance. Neither was ideal, but lately, Jimin had been in high spirits. His old scars had finally begun to heal, meaning he hadn’t cut himself in at least three weeks. Maybe he was capable of staying home alone for a few hours. 
You looked at your phone’s digital clock. 6:58 a.m. Jimin seldom got up before noon, so you figured if you left now while he was asleep, you could make it back before he woke up. You rushed to make yourself presentable, trying to take as little time as possible, while also being as quiet as you could. Sneaking back into the bedroom, you knelt down on Jimin’s side of the bed and brushed the hair out of his face. Pressing your lips to his forehead, you gave him a tender kiss, hoping it wouldn’t be your last. “Minnie, baby,” you murmured so as to not stir him. He hummed in response, still deep in REM sleep, but slightly conscious. You continued, “I need to run to the office, okay? I’ll be back soon. I love you.” Jimin mumbled something incoherent and curled into his pillow, looking absolutely serene. 
Collecting your purse, you head past the kitchen, your eyes catching sight of the knife block that sat on the marble countertop. Fearing Jimin might potentially spiral and relapse, you carried the heavy block to the hall closet and hid it behind a stack of quilts, hoping Jimin wouldn’t be desperate enough to tear apart the closet. With a determined nod of your head, you set off to work, saying your silent prayers that everything would be okay.
•·················•·················•
When Namjoon said work would be a shitstorm, he wasn’t exaggerating. Your client, a semi-famous rapper by the name of Agust D, whatever the hell that meant, decided that he didn’t like his promotional advertisements. Three days before his comeback. You were able to get the redesign done, but not without him hovering over your back and micromanaging every minuscule detail, down to the smallest pixel. After hours of edits, you finally had a moment to relax. 
Checking your phone, your eyes widened when you saw that it was currently one in the afternoon. What was even more alarming was that you had over 13 missed calls and 54 unread text messages from Jimin. Fearing the worst, you unlocked your phone and began skimming through his messages, a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins.
[Minnie 8:21 a.m]: hey baby, where’d you go?
[Minnie 8:23 a.m]: baby?
[Minnie 8:25 a.m]: Y/N?
[Minnie 8:30 a.m]: hello?????
[Minnie 8:34 a.m]: whatever you’re doing isn’t funny baby. please respond.
Your thumb scrolled upwards, towards the newer messages. The more recent, the more incoherent and unstable Jimin’s texts became.
[Minnie 12:41 p.m]: i get hthat u dotn lovve me anymore and im soty for ebeingf stupoid and ugly and uselass im sorry for a being patheic 
[Minnie 12:41 p.m]: i’
[Minnie 12:41 p.m]: i’ll end it all fro u
[Minnie 12:42 p.m]: YOU’RE MY FUCKOING EVERYTHISNG YOU FUCKING DONT UNETRESTAND I FUCKIGN NEED U Y/N
[Minnie 12:43 p.m]: DO I NEEFD TO CARVE YIUR NAME INTWO MY CHEST TO MAKE YOU HAPPY????? 
By now, fat, hot tears were streaming down your face, dotting the screen of your phone. You eyed the last message you had received, an attachment sent at exactly 1 p.m. Sprinting out of the office without a single word to your superior or client, you frantically played the voice message Jimin had sent. His soft voice echoed in the corridor as you dashed down the stairs and towards the parking garage, filling your heart and mind with worry. 
‘Y/N, my love, my life, my everything,’ he began, his voice hoarse and cracking, likely from emotional duress.  ‘You’ve abandoned me, and I don’t blame you. I’m stupid, incompetent and a waste of space. You complete me, I am nothing without you. And now that you’ve left me, I have nothing else to live for.’  Fumbling around in your purse in search for your car keys, you finally found the object of your search and unlocked your car, hurriedly shoving the keys in the ignition and peeling out of the garage. You couldn’t bear listening to more of the voice message, instead choosing to dial Jimin with the assistance of your Bluetooth controls. Each one was immediately redirected to voicemail, but you persisted in the barrage of phone calls. 
What was no more than a 12-minute drive felt like millennia, your heart thumping so hard that you heard your pulse reverberating in your ears. You raced up the stairs of your unit, taking them two at a time, hoping that it wasn’t too late—pleading with any Higher, Holy beings to let Jimin be okay. Your hands trembled so furiously that it was nearly impossible to unlock your door until finally, you were somehow able to enter the threshold of your apartment. Greeted with nothing but an eerie silence, you began to fear the worst. 
Usually, when Jimin had a breakdown, he screamed and destroyed everything in sight, but all of your decor was exactly as how you’d left it in the morning. The only trace your husband’s presence was the shattered picture frame that lay discarded on the dining room table, a chunk of glass missing. Your eyes traced over the worn mahogany surface before they settled on speckles of blood. You scanned the perimeter, looking for any clues that could lead you to Jimin. Following the droplets, you were led to your balcony, which overlooked the Dongdaemun shopping district. The gentle purr of cars wafted through the ajar french doors, and perched on the balcony railing was a defeated, scarred Jimin. He hadn’t noticed you, at least, not yet. But you noticed him and his current state. Arms streaked with blood— staining his pajama shirt and boxers a light pink— legs dangling idly from the metal railing as if he wasn’t four stories above a busy street, ready to plummet to his death. He looked content, serene, even. 
“Jimin, sweetie,” you choked, words catching in your throat at the sight before you. “What are you—” Before you had time to finish your question, Jimin lept off the railing and threw himself at you and into your arms. Violent sobs wracked his body as he clung to you, like a lost child would to his mother. “I th-thought you had l-l-left m-me,” your husband hiccuped. His hold on you was vice-like, and his wounds were, without a doubt, staining your blouse. “Why did you leave me,” he half-shouted, half-pleaded. “I lost control because of you. I almost ended it all for you.”
You found yourself at a loss for words. You didn’t consider your absence would affect Jimin so profoundly— to the point where he thought suicide was the only way to cope. You almost lost him; almost lost the love of your life. And it was all because of your selfish impulsiveness. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, one hand toying with the baby hairs on the nape of his neck, knowing affection was the best way to calm him down. “Baby, I’m so sorry,” you cooed, tears pricking your eyes. “Please forgive me, I’m so, so sorry. I love you, okay? Don’t ever doubt my feelings for you.” Your husband looked at you with those big, brown eyes that shone so brightly, so innocently. The eyes you loved dearly. 
“Promise?” He asked, his grip around you tightening slightly. “I promise,” you replied with a bittersweet smile. You knew that this would be the turning point of your marriage— you could never trust Jimin to be alone, not even for a few hours. You’d have to sacrifice your freedom, your career, to ensure his safety. But it was worth it just to see him live another day.
“Now, let’s get you cleaned up, alright Minnie?” He nodded meekly, letting you lead him towards the washroom so you could tend to his wounds, just like always. 
Time and time again, you’d be there to repair Jimin when he broke down, disregarding the fact that you yourself were the one that was crumbling under all the stress. After all, loving Park Jimin was an arduous affair.
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peonies07 · 4 years
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Ok so I'm 19. I've been on tumblr since I was 12, yeah I was probably that annoying 12 year old. But at the time I needed it so badly. Tumblr was the reason I knew basically about LGBT before the gay marriage right arguement. Tumblr helped me figure out that I'm not straight.
The issue is that I grew up in rural MN like my hometown had 200 people. And most were Christian Republican conservatives with stereotypes and all.
I have two older brothers. The oldest was my father figure growing up- hes 9 years older than me and honestly was the only person that showed me support and potentially unconditional love. Around the time he left for college my family had to sell our house and move into an apartment the next town over about (2,000 people). I was about 10 and losing my brothers comfort made me start being depressed. While he was home he was the one who would counteract anything that would have made me feel worthless or unloved, he was there to prove my mother's words wrong. My other brother is 7 years older than me and was in high school and angry at the world at the time. I lost the only real support I had. Our dad worked long hours and I barely ever saw him after we lost the house he went to ND to find work and I saw him even less.
Our mom is very toxic and honestly probably abusive? I've been gas lighted to the point where I have no confidence in any memory, thought or feeling I had unless I have someone next to me to tell me 'no that was real it was like that'. So when my brother were old enough to move out or to have reasons to stay away I was stuck with her and it turned into the my daughter is my best friend. But with that came the complaints on how expensive I was and how bad her life was, how she regrets marrying my dad and then last minute remembering to add 'but at least I have you kids'.
Enter finding tumblr and learning that no there's a world outside this tiny town was one of the things that made middle school and high school so much easier. After I figured out that I was apart of LGBT, my older brother came home. In the time of gay marriage and all the arguements. I looked up to him as someone who would always be on my side and then right when he came home, I had to listen or sometimes argue with him and our mom about 'the gays'.
They were obviously against it and it forced me to hide and bury it for a long time. I would come out to friends if I trusted them or if they had shared they were also not straight but never to my family. After middle school, my mom got a new job and moved us about an hour away.
When I started high school, I found Trevor. He became my best friend and was for about 3 months and then of course asked me out. I didnt like him in that way but I also didnt want to upset him or lose him so I said yes.
We dated for 3 years from freshman year to senior year. In that time he took my virginity, we had taken 3 breaks and I had relatively no friends besides Trevor or his friends. He saw on my tumblr page that I put pansexual (at the time I identified with it) he asked me about it, I explained it and he gave a weird look. We never talked about it much after maybe an occasional hey that girl is cute but nothing really to address it? I was the one who started all of the breaks. I knew that being with him wasn't right for me but he was still my best friend and the one I was closest to. He was the one who was there when I cried and I was there for him. By senior year I was heavily depressed and highly anxious. I got a job after freshman year at a fast food chain, where I worked with his parents, and started PSEO classes my junior year. Between the stress of taking college classes, a struggling relationship, no other support network, and working 20-30 hours a week with high school and living with my mom. I started to break down my senior year, I got a different job that had less hours, since in the middle of my junior year I had gotten promoted to manager at 16 at the fast food chain and worked even more. I started skipping college classes and would just hang out in my car in parking lots so I would go home. Mom had gotten a job that worked nights and would leave at 2pm so I would wait until after she left to go home and just lay in bed. If I did it while she was there I would get told how lazy I was and how I needed to get up.
I started seeing a therapist in October, of course I was only 17 and so I had to have mom come in for the first meeting. The first thing she told my therapist was how she thought that I wasn't screwed up and didnt really need therapy and talked a bit about how she was disappointed. I paid for therapy on my own obviously and after a few weeks I never told my mom when I went to therapy to this day she does not know how many times I went. In December I finally broke up with Trevor for good and a bit later I found my 3 best friends, they are my favorite people they are my big supporters and I'm theirs. They have been there for me no matter what and honestly really showed me what having actually friends was like.
Two of them are also in LGBT and the other not but we all support each other. After we graduated I went to a private college 6 hours away in Wisconsin. I needed to be far from my family but close enough for emergencies especially since my dads mother had cancer and we knew she wouldn't have long.
Before college started I had tot get rid of my car, mom told me that she couldn't keep me on her insurance so I gave it to my brother (middle child). I went off to college, in late September my grandmother died and I went to her funeral (my mom told me I couldn't go because college was too important, I went anyway).
By winter break I realized that I couldn't keep being carless. I had asked my dad for help since I definitely couldn't go to my mom and didnt have any other option (forgot to mention they divorced in 2017 after being separated for about 6/7 years). He helped me and bought me a truck that was $7,000.
Now here is the that start of the reason I'm writing this.
My dad is an alcoholic and has so many fucking DUIs, he should be in prison honestly. But after my parents divorce he started trying to get his license back.
Complicated part is he couldn't stay sober. Or at least not drive while drunk, and with both of our names on the title of this truck I had to get whiskey plates. Honestly I didnt care about the plates but my dad did and told me to try and transfer it into my name only.
We bought the truck in December 2019 and didn't get the title sent to us until May 2020 and if we had gotten it on time this wouldn't be too concerning but sadly not the case. In February he got picked up again and that's the one that cause me to have whiskey plates so I couldn't transfer it into my name if I wanted to. - MN law states that if a truck has whiskey plates it cannot be transfer into a family member or household member, it can be sold but it has to be a fair price no 'gifts'.
And of course its Corona timw and I had to leave college in March- back to mom's house where I got hella depressed again and then had to drop the courses I was trying to take for spring cause I needed to focus on mental health. In May I moved in with my brother-middle one- to his city that is 3 hours away.
It's better but also not quite where I want to be. So since I'm out of mom's and overall just really frustrated with the world I came to terms with wanting to come out to my family, especially my brothers. Earlier this month (August) I did. I told them over dinner since my oldest brother was in town and asking me about my love life and I just said 'I like girls' and they kinda accepted it. Middle brother is hella religious so I knew there was a chance of rejection, all he had to say was that he doesn't quite believe that there can really be a romantic relationship between women, as god intended love to be between a man and woman. But he didnt disown me or kick me out so it's fine. My oldest brother just made a joke about lesbian porn. The next day they followed up a bit with it of hey so you're gay basically. Most of my family is now transphobic instead of homophobic since trans is 'worse'. I dont agree with them but I'm just content for now with not losing my brothers. I've basically cut our mom off and still dont talk to our dad much especially about feelings.
So with this truck that my dad bought me and with the added stress of trying to figure out how to deal with it I decided to trade it in. But went to probably the worst dealership in our area and got conned really. After 8 days of having the new SUV it broke down, the motor through a rod and is basically totaled until a new motor is put in.
And naturally I haven't told anyone in the family besides the brother I live with so about two days after trying to figure out again of what to do. Middle brother calls dad and older brother to help and my anxiety and anger spike. I've never talked about the trauma o went through because of our mom to anyone in the family only the oldest brother but not all of it. Added in the fact that I dont want to accept dads help if hes going to hate or reject me for being gay I am so scared and anxious that I just explode. They came and dad started asking me about why I didnt call him before and why I traded it for the car I did and I'm trying to tell him it's fine well get the truck back I learned my lesson and I'm giving him the truck back, I'll find a vehicle on my own. I am financially able to so he can have to back/sell it.
But he just keeps pushing and then telling me to mellow out and stop being moody. And pushing more so I just scream. And start trying to explain hey I got a bunch of issues and I cant trust you yeah you're my dad but mom made me feel worthless so.
And I'm crying/screaming/sobbing and dads basically at a point of not listening. My oldest brother comforts me and I make him walked away from dad with me as our other brother had come.
I start telling my oldest brother what the h3ll is going on in my head with almost everything. I talk about our mom, how he is my father figure not our dad, how I cant trust our dad and also about my fears with rejection from dad and previous fear of his rejection. I get through most of it and dad and our other brother come to where we are.
Now I have been out to my brothers for about 2-3weeks and my oldest brother deciding to 'help me'? Asks our dad if he would love me any less for being gay. I lose it I get a bit hysterical and start laughing cause for no reason that I can figure out for now really. I hear our middle brother make some comment that I couldnt quite hear but the tone was like an exhausted really vibe to it? And cue our dad saying of course not and trying to talk again about how I should have called and I try again explaining that I cant trust that easily after being alone with mom for basically 8 years and him then trying to tell me that hes not her.
So my family does not understand feelings well but they're there for me apparently and dont hate me ( I still dont fucking believe them). Like they are saying they dont but I haven't really seen any reason to believe that or a sign of unconditional love. I always feel like I'm merely tolerated and on the edge of circles ready to be pushed out at the wrong word.
I still haven't 'come out' to our mom yet and I dont think I'll tell her face to face, she can find out through facebook. I still have so much anxiety about all of this and it's to the point were it's an overall feeling of nothing but with a premonition of something not right or anxiety about something bad happening.
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Stubborn Independence
TITLE: Stubborn Independence 
CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: 5/10
AUTHOR: brightsun-and-darkmidnight
ORIGINAL IMAGINE: 
Imagine Loki struggling to adjust to someone who is independent and insists on paying for themselves all the time, even if it is a struggle sometimes. They need to do everything on their own. They never ask for help and refuse help. Just imagine Loki really wanting to spoil this person. Imagine how creative he would get to make life easier on this person who has captivated him.
+
Imagine being a talented singer at your local club. Loki comes in one night with Thor and the others (he’d rather be anywhere else but who turns down free drinks?) and gets ensnared in the voice of the beautiful singer on stage. Suddenly, his interest (and arousal) are more than piqued.
+
Imagine getting into a petty fight with Loki, so in retaliation, he puts everything on the top shelf where you can’t reach? 
AUTHOR'S NOTES: College AU. Loki is determined to take over Odin's company. He works hard and has a strict schedule for success. However, with the interference of Thor and the other four, Loki's plans are often interrupted so they can play matchmaker.
My Ao3: brightsun_and_darkmidnight
Tags: @cateyes315
 ~ ~ ENJOY  ~ ~
Loki let Sirena drive her own car while she talked excitedly about how well she was doing at Whispering Waters. Apparently the manager was considering having her perform every friday night, waitress the other times, and was going to pay her a small amount and let her keep the tips.
"How cool is that though? I mean I would be able to get my name out there."
Loki could not stop the smile pulling his lips. "You are very gifted."
"Thanks. It's not… I guess it isn't so much of getting my name known, I just like to see when people hear music. Music is proven to change or elevate moods. Its why I am in the musical therapy major."
"When do your mock classes start?"
"Next week. Frigga stated there are some people really interested in the little class."
Loki watched as Sirena parked in front of a grocery store.
She gave Loki a big smile. "Object of this game is to get snacks to eat in the car. Now go. Gogogog!" 
Sirena hurried out of the car and Loki felt rushed to do it too.
She started laughing as the car locked and ran to the entrance.
Loki easily caught up to her then opened the door. At Sirena's look he walked in and shut the door so she had to open it herself.
"What the hell?" She laughed as she tried to be the intimidating fireball she was.
Loki smirked, "Everyone keeps telling me to let you do stuff yourself."
"Well yeah. But did you need to make sure the door shut?"
"It would have been considered helping."
Sirena tapped Loki's arm with a small smile then pulled him along towards the snack isle.
Sirena was picking granola bars and some chips. "So get anything you can easily eat in the car."
"Where are we going to go?"
Sirena snickered. "Depends on when you have your next scheduled alarm."
Loki grumbled, "touche."
Loki picked out a few things but were mostly candy. After purchasing their own things they went to the car.
"With all those sweets you are going to get a cavity. Clint would yell at me all the time about what I would eat because he knows I want to loose weight and be more healthy. He watches out for me." Sirena took a bite of her granola bar.
"He does seem a bit…" Loki hesitated for the right word.
"Intimidating? Yeah he got the whole older brother thing about him."
Loki immediately asked, "Brother? So you two aren't dating?"
Sirena forced a gag and muttered "ew" several times. "No we aren't dating. We knew each other from high school. He looked out for me because I would always get myself in trouble with people. I was too nice and people took advantage of me. He would scare people away from me."
"He was trying to scare me away then?"
Sirena shrugged her shoulders. "Clint is an ass but yeah. He is a great guy. He is just pushing your buttons to see if you are good for me to...talk to."
Loki had to be cheeky. "Am i good company?"
Sirena teased. "I think so."
Loki laughed at his own question. "Was this planned out?"
Sirena pouted, "Probably. Clint is good at seeing things from way outside the picture so he is good at placing things where they are supposed to be."
Loki fiddled with a piece of candy. "Where does he want us?"
"Beside each other."
"You are being vague."
"Vague? Why is there more information you are searching for?" Sirena teased.
"Just wondering if there is more to this... How did you put it..? Beside each other, Like this, in this car discussing his master painting over snacks…"
"maybe this is part of his plans.." Sirena glances at Loki's lips as she leans slightly.
Loki starts to lean in as well. 
The kiss was short, sweet, and it made Loki happy to see her smile once the short kiss was over.
Loki smirked with a tilt of his head, "so do I ask you out or do you want to ask me?"
Sirena grinned, "I initiated the kiss, so I asked."
Loki shrugged. "Fair enough. So do I get to take you out for dinner?"
Sirena seemed hesitant. "We can do our Q and A right here."
"Do you actually have insurance on your phone?" It was the first question Loki came up with.
Sirena laughed, "that question is what you open up with?"
Loki nodded with a smirk.
She sighed before answering. "Yes I do. They won't send me a new one because I dropped the phone. Something stupid about it not being the device that stopped working and it was my fault.. But it still works and I am not worried about it."
"Alright. But everytime you show me pictures on your phone I really want to get you a new one so I can see your pictures better."
"You are not the first person to complain about my phone for that reason."
"Why not get a new phone?"
"I am worried about losing my pictures."
Loki beamed. "I could help with that. Its very easy to do that. I move files all the time for work."
"Maybe. Enthusiastic helper."
Loki thought for a second. "I could teach you how to save stuff and put it all on a micro SD card or back everything up to the cloud."
Sirena looked confused. "That was all over my head. I have no idea how electronics work. I can text, call, and set alarms."
Loki tried not to laugh but a few chuckles escaped.
"Oh come on dont laugh at me!"
Loki couldn't help but laugh at her pout and the embarrassment inside her voice.
"I didn't mean to offend."
"Whatever. So there is an intersection coming up… left, right, or straight?"
Loki asked. "Really? Okay straight."
And that was the game for the night until they needed to get back to campus.
Loki and Sirena spent more time together and Clint seemed to be warming up to Loki more. There were still threats of bodily harm if Loki "ever hurt her and I will make sure you suffer too." 
Loki genuinely promised Clint he would never hurt Sirena.
Loki found himself on a new schedule and Sirena didn't mind much of his alarms because she saw how anxious he was without some daily structure. However she convinced him into a deal; he could pay for one meal a week, and on certain days she had control of what they would do with their free time. Loki had to admit he enjoyed new experiences -especially with Sirena because she is always pleasant to be around.
Sirena never let Loki pay for anything and if he did it was an ear full and she would go buy him something if he wouldn't take the money.
He tried to get creative by leaving a little money where she would find it, but she gave it away.
Loki went so far as to order things online, have them shipped to her mailbox as an "accidental delivery." Despite the company saying to keep it she would send it back or find someone else who would use it.
Then Sirena got assigned a paper to write and was stressed out about getting it done because it was on a book she just didn't understand. She found school just as important as Loki did, so homework would carve into their time together. Loki offered his help and she actually accepted it. Loki's skills at analytical reading were useful and Sirena would get Loki his favorite drink and snacks as thanks for each study session.
They would work on homework together; at first they were alone and then they had a study group with the rest of their friends. Loki invested in a personal laptop so he could program while others worked and it didn't take long to make some friends in the computer programming department too. Friends such as, Tony and Bruce.
During a study group Sirena announced she would be in a few of the art classes soon.
Fandral teased, "I am sure Loki is going to love it."
Sirena glared at Fandral. "It is very professional. There will be no suggestive atmosphere."
A few days later, Loki was in his art class and felt a little nervous as Sirena came in. Sirena discussed with Loki alone about how the class would go and how if anyone steps out of line the teacher would handle it.
It still did nothing to comfort him once she was on the podium in the plain undergarments she once explained. Everyone was on best behavior in the class which made it easier that way, but Loki's hands sweat so much he had to keep readjusting the drawing utensils. They were never intimate other than kisses,  hugs, and hand holding but now he saw the curves of her body and was memorizing them onto paper.
Not at all troubling.
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ldybluerse · 5 years
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My Heart and Head Hurt.
So Very, Very Much
I am Asexual. I like cuddling, kissing, loving touches, I even love to make inappropriate sex jokes. Okay, I can make some pretty lewd sex jokes but that’s what happens when like 90% of your friends for the past ten years identify as pansexual. I just don’t feel sexual attraction and I am mostly repulsed by sex (ehhh it’s too much to explain).
At the first of the year, I moved to Texas from Michigan. Leaving behind all my friends, which with the internet isn’t terrible... but also my friends are shit at peopling on the Internet. Not angry or blame, they all have depression and anxiety. I get it. Just saying it’s hard to pretty much completely lose that connection with my friends. My friends are also the type where we would all pile into my bed and watch videos while cuddling with each other and my dogs. They spent so much time caring for me after my surgeries.
Being handicapped, and still learning how to live with it (it’s a relatively recent thing and takes relearning how to live life in a way that works for your limitations) I live with my parents. They are great but... they have their own mental health issues that really fucked me up as I grew up. It means that I don’t feel like I can open up or talk to them about anything because of what happened back then. I love them and I know they would do anything for me, but it’s just this thing I have. Heck, I have trouble opening up to my therapist for a long time. My therapist, who I also had to leave in Michigan. And Texas Medicaid? Kind of non-existent. Plus, I’m too old for my parents to be taking care of me, you know western standards and all, so I can’t have insurance through them.
Basically, I ran out of some of my medicine months ago, which means I live in near constant pain too. I can’t go see a therapist, because I can’t afford it. I haven’t run out of my depression medication yet, so there is that.
Since my accident (I will do another post on that later, because that will take a while), I haven’t been able to work. The accident was in December 2011, since 2013, I have had ten surgeries. I started back to school because it doesn’t seem like I’ll ever be up for any type of manual labor. But it also means I feel useless because physically I’m limited and mentally I am so fucked up I can’t do what I can handle doing. I graduated with my Bachelor (really proud of) but Texas has some different requirements that will add a lot of time towards getting my Masters, because Michigan didn’t have those requirements. This means I am going to enroll in an accredited online program, hopefully. Have to get accepted, fingers crossed.
To summarize, for ten months I have been isolated in a different state, dealing with body trying to adjust to different weather and medicine changes. Self isolation isn’t helping but the other problem is when I do reach out, there isn’t someone there...
Background info done, now to what’s troubling me:
My best friend and girlfriend is also Asexual. We’ve been together for almost eight years, but it’s always been long distance (we’re Ace, it doesn’t bug us too much) and I have gone to visit her. We started “talking” through Role Play and until recently, whenever there was lulls in life when a lot wasn’t happening, we could lean back on the Role Play to stay connected. There wasn’t a day when we didn’t talk to each other, even during the hospital visits we both went through, we stayed connected in some small way. And we talked about everything and anything. Our fandoms didn’t always match up, but it was fun listening and learning... I thought...
She was dealing with a lot of stuff, and for a few years was out of work, probably why she had so much time and energy for me. It was really bad for her for a while, where she even verbally attacked me on a few occasions. I know it wasn’t her but her mental illness, so I forgive her for it. But it was bad.
She was raised super Christian (DONT celebrate Halloween because it’s evil type Christian), and she has always been Christian even if she yelled at God a lot in her low days. Yeah, the good Christian girl is dating the Goth Pagan Celtic Witch... whatever you will call me. I’ve been Pagan for about 2/3rds of my life by now, so it’s not like she didn’t know she I was one. She’s never tried to shame or convert me.
My Bachelor is in Religious Studies, I know how good a religion can be for someone’s mental health if they are religious. I would talk to her about rekindling her faith. Finding a church she could at least go sit and listen to, so she could reconnect. She did! And it’s been amazing for her mental health. She has held a steady job for a while, actually is the poster child for the program that helped her move foreword and get her life back in order. I am so very proud of her and I do love her so much.
I just think... she’s outgrown me. The only fandom she talks about anymore is... Christianity. She doesn’t talk about LoZ anymore. She doesn’t talk about Tolkien. She doesn’t watch anime or cartoons anymore. She has no interest in Role Playing, as I said a big part of staying connected.
She talks about work, her cats, crocheting, and her religion. The thing is, I can’t fault her for any of it if it’s what’s best for her. She deserves happiness and stability. But...even when I’m back in school and when I get a job I don’t think I could leave the world of fantasy and fiction behind.
I grew up going to Ren Faires, my dad wearing tights. My first boyfriend I met at Ren Faire, while he was in tights. Labryinth and The Last Unicorn are still my favorite movies of all time! I collect Dragons of all sorts. I’ve watched the whole series of Fraggle Rock a few times, because it’s just wholesome and sweet.
My parents are Trekkies, my mom has had some of her fanfiction a published in old Starlog Zines. We watch fantasy, fiction, actions, cartoons... my mom has always loved the world of books, especially fantasy. She collects unicorns, so many unicorns. When I got into Anime, so did my mom. Kenshin is still her favorite, although to be fair she loved Ultron and Speed Racer when they first came to the states (she says Speed Racer was her first ever crush).
My brothers love the same thing, my oldest brother still fans for Jason David Frank. My other brother, well, he named his cat Pandea after WoW, we have his LotR sword collection, all his movie memorabilia...
We’re nerds and dorks and not afraid to be so.
Since the move the only thing making me happy has been my animals (Gods and Goddesses the fluffy bastards are clingers and just want to love you and be loved which is something I need) and fantasy. I’ve watched several animes I just want to gush about, but if you don’t have someone who is watching it too... you don’t want to ruin it. I want to just talk someone’s ear off about Steven Universe or Miraculous the Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir. Hell, even Ducktales and Tangled. Do you know how AMAZING they have made Ducktales?! I watched the original series when I was younger but...! And all the inside jokes!!!!
The books! I probably read about thirty or forty in one month when I went on a book binge. They were all trashy romance novels, and admittedly the sex scenes were... meh... I’m Asexual, what do you expect?! Okay... some Aces like sex and stuff. It’s not that important to me. What is, is the connection two people have to each other. The love. And trashy romance novels aren’t the best at giving that... but it’s something.
Oh and the Webcomics. I have always, always loved Webcomics. I used to have the folders on my old computer organized down to the day of the week the comics updated because I so many, that I had to organize them just to get the right updates! Right now Lore Olympics. OMG Lore Olympics. Be still my heart! I am reading several on WEBTOON. I have a few I follow through DeviantArt; Erma is so frikken cute! Daughter of the Lilies, ahhhhhh so amazing and the artwork!!! Pincushion! Constructs will always have a place in my heart!
I just got into the Good Omens fandom, because I’m a Whovian and Tennant is defiantly one of my most favorite of Doctors. He was just so beautiful in it. And when I took my Shakespeare course my teacher had us watch Hamelt and ohhhhh Tennant. Ohhhh you really can’t tell if Hamlet has gone crazy or it’s an act (which he claims it is!!). Sir Patrick Stewart was also just... oh!!! I entered Good Omens because my Instagram was all Ineffable Husbands (I think because of my Doctor Who love). Finally, finally i watched it.
That was like three weeks ago I got into Good Omens and I still am completely in love. The tenderness, the loving looks. I have to read the book! And the script book! (Depression, yay!). I need to listen to the radio adaptation and revisit Queen (I was raised on rock’n’roll. And I mean, David Bowie has probably been the only Rock Star I ever went heart-eyes for... also kinda sad he wasn’t mentioned in Good Omens because he did work with Queen and let’s face it, Bowie was so gender-nonconforming!). I just want to ramble and babble on and on about the series with someone. About all the hidden bits and pieces and theories and things in my head!!!
But... I don’t have anyone. My girlfriend sort of shuts down when I talk about any of the fandoms I like. She will just skip those parts of the conversation and comment on the animal videos I send her or something else. She will talk about work or God. Again, I’m know Religion and people. If there is something I know best is you can’t dictate what someone else’s beliefs are. So while I know the Bible and Christian theory, when she talks about it and tells me stories I can only “nod” and “smile” because if a persons religion isn’t harming themselves or others, and it’s helping them, I don’t think it would be right to argue theory and philosophy with them over what is mostly fairytale stories in a book. I’m not saying their isn’t a Christian God, or many Gods, or things in the Bible didn’t happen, but not all of it is factual nor was it ever meant to be seen as strictly factual. I try to show I am at least paying attention to what she says.
At the same time, with the state I have been in, I probably haven’t given her what she needs when she is telling me about stuff.
Fantasy and fiction has been the only thing keeping me afloat. Religion and work has been helping her. I just can’t see a world without the magic of make-believe but that’s not where she is anymore.
So... I’ve been thinking for a bit now maybe we’re no longer what we need for each other in our lives. Not that we don’t love each other, and not that we can’t still be friends... but maybe it’s time we adventure out? We were what we needed from each other for years... maybe we just aren’t that anymore.
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g5b3ysjw-blog · 5 years
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Health insurance system in Belgium?
Health insurance system in Belgium?
Hello All, I am looking to relocate in Belgium and I have a question. Can anyone help me please: Is there a knee cartilage transplant surgery covered by the health insurance in Belgium, or I would need to pay it myself? How about an arthroscopy just to clean the joint of loose bodies? Many thanks!
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or Yamaha Morphous? I some good looking motorcycles 2200? can your insurance take her off my purchase health Insurance and new to kansas and know a guy who registered and leaving the good health insurance :) What do you think drive much everything is sells off its assets, a golf gti and present on car insurance. on the go compare it cheaper? also i insurance for a young one ever consider permanent I haven t had any get my bases covered. auto with them. Does WILL RATE BEST AND do blood work dont I were injured. The a 2002 chevy tahoe for finding a much in California while my to hear from every -model of car and 21 and looking for insurance cover any of first time buyer and quotes previously you will a govt. health insurance week, and my dads insurance why buy it registered in california..how can was wondering how much but before i do anyone know where to wants a reg. no. .
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