#and that it did wonders for her mental health
Text
The Eye of the Hurricane [19] - Couples Therapy
A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️
Summary: A therapy session can be enlightening.
Word Count: 2300
Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: Violence, guns, crime, blood, explicit language, dysfunctional relationship. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.
Series Masterlist
It wasn’t like you thought taking Bucky to couple’s therapy for your technically fake marriage was going to be easy, but you didn’t think it would be this difficult.
Bucky bounced his leg beside you on the sofa while you both sat in the waiting room, his eyes darting around the room as if he expected someone to attack him at any moment.
“What happens if she asks me questions?” he asked you gruffly and you pulled your brows together.
“You’ll be fine.”
Bucky huffed out and turned to you.
“How about instead of doing this, I just pay you money to walk out of here?”
“Not gonna happen, Bucky.”
“I’ll put the weekend house under your name, you like it there.”
“The weekend house will be mine once we get a divorce anyway,” you reminded him. “It’s on the prenup.”
Bucky licked his lips. “Do you want another house?”
“Stop trying to bribe me,” you told him as he eyed the door to the therapist’s office before fixing the gun in his waistband and you gasped.
“Why did you bring a gun to the therapy?!” you hissed and he narrowed his eyes.
“We don’t know what expects us in there!” he whispered back, making your jaw drop.
“Do you seriously think—Bucky, look me in the eye and tell me you think our therapist is going to try to shoot us in couple’s therapy—”
“Mr. and Mrs. Barnes?” the therapist’s voice reached you as the door opened and you both turned to her before you smiled at her sweetly.
“Hi!”
“You can come in,” she said, stepping aside and you let out a breath, then stood up, holding Bucky by the arm to signal him to stand as well. Bucky heaved a sigh as if he was being tortured but followed you into the room dutifully and you both sat down on the couch, the therapist taking her seat soon after.
“Dr. Raynor,” you said and she smiled back at you.
“Mrs. Barnes.”
“Y/N is fine,” you said and motioned at Bucky. “And this is Bucky.”
Bucky gave her a curt nod quietly and you cleared your throat, shifting your weight.
“My therapist Dr. Cooper recommended you,” you told her. “She speaks very highly of you.”
“Dr. Cooper is a very respected colleague of mine,” she told you. “The feeling is mutual. So what brings you here?”
“Well, we’ve just got married,” you said. “And I’ve been in therapy since I was a child, basically. Bucky on the other hand has a more distant stance towards it so I figured it could help us both if we did it together.”
Dr. Raynor nodded and turned to Bucky.
“And what about you Bucky?” she asked. “What brings you here?”
Bucky raised his brows before pointing at you with his thumb. “She did.”
You crossed your arms, leaning back in the couch and Dr. Raynor hummed.
“You don’t think you should be here?”
“Honestly doc, I have no idea why I’m here,” he said. “I’m fine, our marriage is fine, so...”
“It hasn’t been a month since we got married,” you added. “Just putting it out there. But I think it’ll help Bucky if we build this—habit.”
She turned to Bucky. “And how about you?” she asked. “How do you feel about therapy, Bucky?”
“My dad would always say whatever your problems are, they should stay between your two ears instead of anyone else’s,” Bucky replied, bouncing his leg again. “Hate to agree with the guy, but he has a point.”
“George isn’t exactly the epitome of good mental health, Buck.”
Bucky shrugged his shoulders. “Either way.”
“Fathers may have different viewpoints especially when it comes to mental health,” Dr. Raynor said. “Given their generation.”
Bucky clicked his tongue. “Well, he and my mother have never been to therapy and they’re fine.”
“Your father had like one thousand mistresses,” you pointed out, making Dr. Raynor raise her brows and Bucky made a face.
“Allegedly.”
“It’s not allegedly, Becca literally told me she once—”
“Bucky, how would you describe your parents’ marriage?” she asked and Bucky heaved a sigh.
“They’re fine.”
“Would you say you look up to their marriage?” she asked. “Or that you want to have a similar one?”
You scoffed. “Good luck with that.”
“You wouldn’t want to have that?” she asked and you shook your head.
“Bucky can’t disrespect me like that.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
You pulled your brows together, then shrugged your shoulders.
“Both,” you said without looking at him. “We have a deal, so I believe he will hold up his end of the deal.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the proud smile curling Bucky’s lips and Dr. Raynor nodded.
“Anything else you feel like you took after your father, besides your opinion on therapy?”
“Why are we talking about my father?” Bucky asked back while you tried to hold back the retort. “I thought this was couples therapy.”
“We can talk about anything you feel like we need to talk about,” Dr. Raynor said. “But most of the time, our parents’ relationship is the blueprint of our own relationships even if we don’t realize it.”
“That’s not what’s happening here,” Bucky said, motioning at you. “It’s different.”
“How?”
“What she said,” Bucky said curtly, nodding in your direction and you heaved a sigh. “He’s good with my mom, and he’s great with my sister, no need to talk about him.”
“But not with you?” Dr. Raynor asked and Bucky dragged his tongue over his teeth.
“He’s fine.”
“Bucky,” said and he shot you a look.
“What?”
“He’s fine with you? Really?”
“Y/N, not everyone needs a father, okay?” he insisted. “Some of us need a boss while growing up in this business.”
“I don’t think you needed a boss instead of a father when you were a kid, actually,” you insisted, making Dr. Raynor tilt her head.
“Would you mind explaining that?” she asked. “That boss comment?”
Bucky drummed his fingertips on his knee.
“It’s a part of…” he stopped himself and cleared his throat. “My father knew what I was capable of, so he pushed me until I saw it. Until I proved myself. That’s not a terrible thing, it worked out after all.”
You licked your lips.
“Really?” you asked. “So you’d be totally okay with following his footsteps?”
That made him stop for a moment and he scoffed.
“Fine, I wouldn’t do the cage fight because that shit’s medieval but it was because he knew I could handle it,” he defended him. “He’s great with Becca, and I don’t need him to be good with me. We don’t have that kind of relationship.”
Your stomach did a painful flip. “I forgot about that.”
“Cage fight?” Dr. Raynor asked and you both turned to her, Bucky crossing his arms over his chest. You nibbled on your lip.
“Um,” you said. “Our fathers are... CEOs and we both have family companies. There’s this tradition that—the family company has a boss and an heir and when you’re the heir, you need to show that you can handle the job.”
She frowned slightly.
“And the job can get pretty physical,” you said as Bucky let out a bitter chuckle beside you. “And one of the requirements is…when an heir is picked after years of training and everything, once the boss decides it’s time for them to prove themselves, they put you in a cage with other um—” you thought for a moment. “Some professional fighters that happen to be in the business as well, working under the family. Bodyguards, if you will.”
Not bodyguards.
They would put the heir in a cage with the best fighters working for the boss.
“But usually the bosses ask the heir to prove themselves right before they pass the crown, so to speak,” you said and stole a look at him. “Not George though.”
“I was ready to prove myself.”
“At sixteen?” you asked him. “No one fucking asks that of the heir at sixteen, Buck. My father didn’t even put Ian through that yet.”
“I was already his heir, he wanted to make sure,” Bucky said. “I beat everyone up in that cage, didn’t I?”
“Your nose was broken,” you counted with your fingers. “Three of your ribs, you could barely see through one eye for like two weeks because of how swollen it was—”
“But I proved myself,” he pointed out, making you clench your jaw and Dr. Raynor sat up straighter, trying to shake off the shock. “I’m glad I did it, I’d do it again.”
“You see?” you asked. “And then he asks me why we need therapy.”
“I don’t need therapy,” Bucky shot back. “I don’t even know why I’m here, I'm perfectly fine.”
Dr. Raynor licked her lips, then grabbed the notebook by her side while Bucky pursed his lips, slipping a little on the couch.
“Great,” he said. “She has a notebook and everything. Charm, how soon can we leave?”
�� *
Well, no one had gotten shot during your first couples therapy session, so as far as you were concerned, it was a success. Bucky had to drop by his office for half an hour to check on something, and after that you figured you could go to lunch together to discuss the next step in your plan so you tagged along.
Becca was already there in his office when you two walked in and Bucky tilted his head.
“What are you doing here?”
“Mom sent me,” she told him before coming to kiss your cheek. “Hey!”
“Hi there,” you said, kissing her cheek back. “We’re going to grab lunch after this, do you want to come?”
“Sure, I could eat,” she said, flinging herself on the couch. “Steve is here too, by the way.”
Bucky frowned. “Did you two come together?”
“Nope, I ran into him by the entrance,” she said while you took your spot next to her and Bucky walked to his laptop to switch it on.
“Mom sent you?” Bucky asked and rolled his eyes. “Let me guess, dad asked her to?”
Becca raised her hands while you gritted your teeth at the mention of George.
“You can’t shoot the messenger, there’s truce now.”
“Then why does it feel like I’m going to get shot by the messenger?” Bucky asked back, making her grin.
“You know how mom is,” she reminded him. “She wants all of us to get along. I take it you’re not willing to have another dinner anytime soon?”
“Fuck no—”
“Hey,” Steve said, knocking on the door and waved at you before turning to Bucky. “You’re busy?”
“Not at all,” Bucky said. “Did we have a meeting today? Did I forget?”
“Nah, I was just around,” Steve said. “Figured I could give you the news myself. Clint is flying to Chicago.”
Bucky pulled his brows together. “What?”
Steve shot him a grin. “My reaction exactly,” he said and came to sit on the other sofa. “How was therapy?”
“Ask Y/N,” Bucky said, clicking on something on his laptop. “She was the one who dragged me there.”
You rolled your eyes at him. “He brought a gun to therapy.”
Becca’s eyes widened. “Did you shoot the therapist, Bucky?!”
“No!” Bucky exclaimed. “Jesus, you two have zero trust in me.”
“How was it, really?” Steve asked you and you shrugged your shoulders.
“He’ll find it easier in the following weeks.”
Bucky frowned at you.
“Following weeks?” he asked. “We’re going there again?”
“Bucky, therapy is not like getting vaccinated,” Becca pointed out. “You can’t just have one session and expect it to fix your shit.”
“I don’t have the time—”
“I already talked to your assistant for the next month, try me,” you said sweetly and Bucky let out a groan, then turned to Steve.
“What is it about Clint and Chicago?”
“Well, he seems to believe that he can convince Rhett.”
Becca’s head whipped up and she blinked a couple of times while you tried to keep a straight face, and subtly pressed your index finger on your lips, giving her a slight grin. She let out a breath, then turned to Steve while Bucky scoffed.
“Yeah, that’s impossible.”
“What’s that about Chicago?” Becca asked and Steve heaved a sigh.
“Chicago’s prince became the new king recently,” he explained. “I thought it was hard to talk to his father, I spoke way too soon.”
“Yeah, he’s a dickhead,” Bucky pointed out while you bit inside your cheek to keep your laughter in. Becca sat up straighter.
“Why?”
“He doesn’t trust anyone who’s not from Chicago,” Steve said. “Refuses to do business with anyone else.”
“But doesn’t he kind of have to do it?” Becca asked. “Even we do business with other cities.”
“Chicago is different, Bec,” Bucky said. “They have their own rules, and as of now, they don’t actually need other cities.”
“Word on the street they might have to do it soon though,” Steve said. “Every boss in New York is trying to convince him, but as Bucky said, he’s a dickhead so…”
“That’s pointless, I’m telling you,” Bucky said as he typed at his laptop, then slammed the lid shut. “Okay, I’m done. Lunch?”
“I have a meeting with Sam,” Steve said as he stood up from the couch and he and Bucky walked to the door while Becca clicked her tongue, turning to look at you with a huge grin on her face.
“So,” she said and you hummed.
“Yes?”
“I take it he doesn’t know?”
“Nope.”
“None of them do?”
You shook your head, still smiling and Becca let out a laugh, then threw her arm over your shoulder.
“Nice plan,” she said and you giggled.
“Thank you,” you said, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Let’s go, you know how hungry therapy makes me.”
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#mob!bucky barnes#mob!bucky#mob!bucky x reader#mob! bucky#mafia!bucky barnes x reader#mafia!bucky barnes#mafia!bucky#mafia bucky barnes#mafia bucky x reader#mob bucky barnes x reader#mob bucky barnes#mob bucky x reader#mob bucky#mob boss!bucky#mob boss bucky barnes#mob au#mob!au#bucky barnes x you
162 notes
·
View notes
Text
Light in the Darkness // Feyre/Rhysand x Fem!Reader
Summary: It wasn't just Rhys who had been caught in Amrantha's damnatation. For nearly 50 years, you'd suffered with him, in her bed. After years of enduring agony, it becomes almost impossible to resist seeking refuge in the platonic refuge of your High Lord and High Lady. However, after one night of drunken indulgence, you're left wondering if everything you've built to protect yourself is now shattered.
Requested by: ~ ☺ -- thank you so so much for all your support and the request! I absolutely loved writing more acotar/sjm!
Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, past rape/non-con elements, trauma, PTSD, nightmares, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, friends to lovers, friends with benefits, flirting, kissing, drinking, threesome (f/f/m), sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, anxiety, happy ending
Words: 9.4k (lol oops)
my masterlist 📚
AO3 Link
Some aspects of life can be predicted. Happiness, sadness, heartbreak, grief. Death. Every ounce of blessings that had graced your life had repercussions and hardships, something that was always centred around the balance of the world. With good comes the bad.
Years upon years had been filled with joy, laughter, and safety with your friends and family. Naturally, being drawn into the inner circle of the Night Court would bring its hardships, but it would be nothing that your friends or your family could get you out of. From outsiders, you were ranked low within the group, not even having a title to the job you provided; however, you often liked to refer to yourself as Rhysand's conscience.
Where Amren would help make significant decisions for the Night Court as the second in command, you'd be there to offer further guidance daily. Every meeting, every decision, every single day, you would be at Rhysand's side, making sure he didn't make brash decisions and, furthermore, protecting his sanity when, on some days, the weight of the world pressed down on him.
Not only did you save Rhys with your words, but as a high fae, you were blessed by the Cauldron with healing and body manipulation powers. The healing was self-explanatory as to why it could help; there were times you'd been able to bring a soul back, even from the point of death. However, such as life, with life comes pain. A power you used so infrequently due to the distress that you'd often forgotten that it was something you could do. Only on a handful of occasions have you needed to use it against an enemy they begged for death in seconds. It was a strain on your mental health to use this, and with Rhys having his own powers, along with his shadowsinger, there weren't many reasons for you to even be needed for this.
Rhysand would never expect or ask you to use this power, increasing your adoration for him tenfold. To say the two of you were close was a complete understatement. When you both live and breathe the same day-to-day life, the form of friendship is bound to shift into something more. Rhys made you feel safe; the scent of night and Jasmine that accompanied him always wrapped around you like a warm hug.
There was no one you trusted more than him, and when the two of you stumbled into bed years ago, it only helped you discover more of yourself, especially with your powers. Pleasure. You could bestow pleasure onto a person with a single thought. Have their knees wobbling, eyes glazing over and back arching as they orgasmed in a single second. It made your nights with the High Lord all the more entertaining.
Even with the closeness the two of you shared, there was still the label of friendship. You loved Rhysand, and he loved you, but the two of you were still keeping back, aware of the possibilities of mates, and until any bond arrived, the friendship would continue with the thrill of pleasure.
As your role to be by his side continued, this was the unfortunate or devastating mistake of how you were in attendance at the ball that Amarantha had created. All it took was a gathering of high lords and a drink of the magically spiked wine, and the world of Pyrthian would be forever changed. The magic within the High Lords was leashed, and no one was safe from the wrath of the Red-Haired Devil.
You could have driven yourself mad with hindsight, regretting not listening to your gut feeling of not trusting Amarantha. Only the knowledge of being able to keep the rest of your family and friends safe in Velaris was the only blessing, even if it meant a life of agony for 50 years.
Amarantha, in all of her cruel ways, personally picked the High Lord of the Night Court with her need for revenge for Rhys' father, killing her closest ally - Tamlin's father. Rhys had always had a formal villainous reputation amongst the other courts, but now, this is further shadowed by the different courts as Amarantha uses him. To hurt others, break them in a split second, and furthermore, keep him leashed to her bed. He was simply her whore and nothing more to the others throughout Pyrthian. This mighty High Lord, probably the most powerful High Lord there had ever been, had been degraded and dehumanised to nothing.
Nevertheless, where Rhysand stayed, you were by his side.
Rhysand had protected Velaris, the rest of his friends and family that remained at home, keeping them locked away from Amarantha using his Daemati skills, but could not save them.
The first few weeks of the new reign of the Red Devil, you'd been chained in a cell with only darkness and the drip of the waters running down the walls to keep you company. You'd even convinced yourself she had forgotten about you, willing to let you rot away. However, you were forced to kneel before her, and Rhys stood by her side.
There was never a second where you'd blame Rhys for what happened. In fact, over the 50 years, he had saved you in more ways than you could ever repay him for.
You were forced by Amarantha to admit why Rhys kept you so close by. The healing, the pain, the pleasure. Everything spilt from your lips with a single snap of her fingers. Rhysand was her whore, and you were downgraded to being her Harlot, except there was no exchange between sex and money, only sex and not being killed.
Rhy was forced to control minds and occasionally cause pain before death. You were just there to deal unimaginable pain until death, and then both crawl into Amaranthas bed and pleasure her until she promptly sleeps, wakes and starts the process again.
As the years trailed by, the only sight that would keep you going was the flickerings of stars that would light in the depths of Rhysand's eyes when the two of you were briefly alone for mere seconds.
Amarantha kept a tight leash on the two of you. When in her bedroom, you and Rhys were never allowed to touch, and most frequently, you were forced to kneel next to the bed and watch or tie to the bed with the Red Devil straddling your waist with Rhys pleasuring her from behind. You would watch and watch, and then her fingers would snap, and you were forced to make her orgasm, over and over, even with Rhys having spent hours pleasuring her.
These moments were where Rhys would provide support. Even though your eyes had to remain on Amarantha, Rhys would slip through your mental shiels and make you feel numb whilst remaining mentally close so that you didn't feel alone. Often, you would wake without any recollection of the previous night's antics, all thanks to your High Lord, and you wished and begged to the Cauldron that one day you could repay him for keeping you from slipping into the depressive pit that you would never be able to return from.
Then, at the risk of his life, Rhys admitted to having dreams. 47 years, the two of you had been trapped, and he'd been lost to the Red Devil, but hope came to him with glimpses of a woman's life. Hope. It had to be hope, and even though you could only see foggy images that Rhys would share of this person, the two of you would hope that this was a sign of someone who was bringing salvation.
Nearly 50 years had passed, and Rhysand finally admitted to meeting her whilst visiting the Spring Court, falling for the callings coming his way to draw him closer to her. Nothing came as easy as an overnight saviour, but at least you had a name. Feyre. Sweet Feyre. A human girl who had nearly stolen Tamlin's heart arrived under the mountain to declare her love for him and stand up to the Red Devil.
So young and yet defiant. Despite the pain, the torture and helplessness, she never back down. Something in your heart called to her. Maybe it wasn't right to put so much pressure on her to save Pyrthian, but even if it meant you had to take your last breath, you would try anything within your power to save this woman.
Superficial wounds you couldn't heal, but the pain you were quick to vanish as she was kept in her cell between the trials. Moreover, you were more than aware that Rhys was doing just as much to keep her from losing her sanity by having her close to his side, forgetting the world as she drank faerie wine.
The fateful day came, and so many events spiralled into utter chaos. After the final trial, Feyre figures out the riddle but still dies in Amaranthas's hand. Tamlin finally finds courage and slaughters the Red Devil and the High Lords, gathering to bring Feyre back to life as High Fae.
Freedom was unforgettable, and leaving the depths of Under the Mountain was something you'd only dreamed of, but there was now the weight of Rhys' mating bond snapping into place that had the next chapter in your lives beginning.
There was no time to be happy for your High Lord as the King of Hybern began his war whilst simultaneously trying to prove to Feyre that she was safe within the Night Court and away from Tamlin and that you were thanking Rhys and Mor for stealing her from the dreadful place.
Years continue to fly by. Wars, fights, numerous deaths, including Rhys for a moment and finally, FINALLY, the Night court could be at rest and for once indeed be happy with their High Lord and Lady protecting the lands with the inner circle close by.
Having been in turmoil for so long, adjusting to returning home, being surrounded by friends, and trying to remember what it was like to be genuinely safe was more difficult than anticipated.
It was almost like having to try and learn how to live again. What hobbies would truly distract you? What job could you do from day to day as it wasn't necessarily for you to be on Rhysands' side now with Feyre there to aid in the decision-making? There was also the destruction of having survivor guilt and horrific nightmares that had you afraid of the sun slipping behind the mountains every day and night, replacing the light. No amount of talking, counselling or breathing exercises could remind you that Amarantha was truly dead and that everything was fine.
This was how you began to depend on your High Lord and Lady. Both of whom were closer to you than it seemed to be anyone else. Most days would be spent around either of them, whether to help with court business or simply sitting next to them as they continued their lives.
You had realised long ago that you were mostly in love with Rhys and Feyre and depended on them more than others. They never made you feel guilty for this. Neither seemed to mind and often would seek you out if you were starting to feel guilty and keep them safe; they needed comfort and support just as much as you did.
The damage and trauma from Under the Mountain also fleeted from just your mind. You couldn't train with any of the others; even the slightest touch against your skin would trigger red nightmares. You were unsure if it was the saviour complex you'd built around Feyre or Rhys, but you'd only allow them through your hard outer shell.
"Come back to me. Come back to Velaris. You're safe; I'm here; take a deep breath with me" Feyre's soothing voice drifted through your tense consciousness as she blew out a long breath so you could hear the steadiness of her slow breaths. The sweetness of her scent, lilac and pear, then licked through the wind across the skin of your cheek as she knelt in front of you, grasping your hand firmly and helping to ground you.
Your eyelids fluttered first, testing the movements as your mind and body began to return from the horrors within. The rich blueness of Feyre's concerned eyes is what you forced on first, then the rise and fall of her chest as you attempted to copy the movements. It was the first draw of breath that you realised just how long you'd been holding your breath as your lungs burned and your head spun.
The air of Velaris tasted sweet, or maybe it was the lingering taste of Feyre in the air as the ache in the centre of your chest eased and you became more present. The trembling throughout your body continued, no matter how many times Fey's thumb brushed against the back of your hand.
"You're always safe here, with me. It's just us together. Look outside; the sun is still shining, and there's no darkness here". Feyre continued to gently soothe you with her elegant voice.
You'd always found it so ironic that a place called the Night Court, the power to bring forth shadows and darkness from its High Lady and Lord, was actually the brightest and most beautiful home. Free. Unlike how it was Under the Mountain.
Tension struck your spine as your thoughts drifted back to the nightmarish place. Feyre's grip on your hand loosened as she shifted closer to cup both hands around your face, forcing your eyes on her again.
"Don't go back there, stay with me. Talk to me, I want to hear your pretty voice, Honey". It was both the use of her nickname for you and the warmth of her fingers on your face that brought you back from the dizzying nightmares.
Opening your mouth to follow your instructions, you were unsure what to say at first, worried that all that would dribble out would be frightened whimpers, but then a little fleck of something at the corner of Feyre's eyelid caught your eye as your fingers hovered above the area.
"You have a freckle right here that I've never noticed before", you say in a whisper before clearing your voice and smiling at your High Lady.
Feyre matches your grin, showing her teeth whilst doing so and tilting her face so that you're not cupping her face just as she was yours. "Do I? I've never noticed before. Guess I'll have to add it to my portraits".
Your index finger stroked over the freckle as your thoughts spoke before you could probably think as you admitted, "It's beautiful". Usually, only her mate caused the pinkness to blush across her cheeks as she tried to duck and hide her face, the golden hair half drawn into a ponytail now curtaining her away.
Instinctively, you brushed the offending pieces behind her pointed ears, giving you a clearer view of the beauty of Feyre Archeron-Moonbeam. As her sky-stained eyes flicked back up to yours, she coyly softened her smile. And you're a big old flirt; she uses her daemati skills as her lips remain still so that only you can hear.
Only for you, my High Lady, you respond similarly. However, the flirtatious talk was then interrupted by a third, more silky, deep voice joined as the scent of Jasmine and the crispness of night wrapped around you in a warm hug.
I object. I, too, think you're a big old flirt to me, too. It could be my handsome good looks and effortless charm. The intense eye contact with Feyre snapped as you both turned toward the doorway where Rhys now casually leaned against the doorframe, his hands in the pockets of his black trousers and not a single hair out of place. The hypnotic violet eyes wandered over Feyre's form first before doing the same with you before the tension eased in his shoulders.
Scoffing as you and Feyre stood, releasing each other's faces and turning towards him entirely, you spoke the following words aloud. "Excuse me, Almighty High Lord. I think you'll find that you're older than me and a much bigger flirt".
Feyre laughs as she naturally falls into his side, their arms wrapping around each other's waists and his lips dipping to kiss her tenderly across the forehead before focusing his attention on you with a wicked grin.
"I don't know what you're talking about, Love. I only flirt with my darling Feyre". His mate gently slaps a hand against his chest. As you all know, that was one of the biggest lies to slip from his lips. Rhys simply grabs her tattoo-covered hand and kisses the knuckles before venturing further into the room, only stopping when toe-to-toe with you.
Your neck ached as you stared up at him, admiring the twinkle of stars in his eyes as he asked, Do you want to talk about it?
You knew he was referring to your momentary lapse in consciousness moments ago. Losing the courage to maintain eye contact, you look across Velaris, noticing how the sun reflected and sparkled against the water flowing in the Sidra.
Suddenly having no energy, your shoulder shrugs nonchalantly, even though you knew the man before you could read you better than any other. "Not really".
Warm, calloused fingers grip your chin, turning your face back towards Rhys as you find that Feyre is now by your side, her fingers interlocking with yours, both touching you, the only two to have done so since being Under the Mountain, even if they were innocent touches.
"You can always come to us, day or night. You know that, right? Just call out for us, and we will come", Rhys reassures carefully, his eyebrows drawn together with concern.
Glancing between the mated pair, you try to ignore the burning behind your eyes from the threatening tears as you squeeze the hand holding yours and smile up at Rhys. "What would I ever do without my favourite High Lady and Lord".
Rhys grins down at you, keeping his hold on your chin as he leans down to kiss your cheek, remaining there for a second longer than socially acceptable as you suck in a quick breath as Feyre copies the kiss on the opposite cheek. The two of them move away at the same time as you struggle to control your pounding heart and ignore the desperate throb that warmed your core from being between them both.
It was always like this with the three of you. The longing touches by both of them. The ones that would fuel the dreams would leave you feeling regret for thinking of your friends in such a way, even if it distracted you from your dark thoughts.
To everyone else, it seemed that you were all close. Still, when the three of you were alone, something constantly shifted, and as much as you tried to remember they were mates and nothing further would ever happen, the lasting effects of the increased pulse and arousal remained. Even though you would never act on these feelings, they made you feel alive and safe.
You noticed it then, the shadows that creep into their eyes as their nostrils flare, smelling your dampening arousal. Like always, you take a step back and try to regain control over your actions, masking your emotions with humour.
"You two are naughty. Do you often kiss your friends like that".
Feyre's giggle only adds to your body's reaction as she links her arm through yours and shrugs her shoulder, "I don't know what you're referring to. We were just being supportive", her tone was laced with sarcasm.
Rolling your eyes, your arm taps the arm holding yours, "Of course you were". Leaning into her side, the two of you glance up at Rhysand, who is silently watching the interactions. Eventually, his eyes flicked to Feyres, who tilted her head with a knowing smile. Looking between the two, you sigh dramatically, "I hate when you both talk like that. It's like you're showing off that you can speak mind to mind. Some would call it rude to talk like that without including your company".
Rhys finally smirks as you notice the sweet and seedy tang that now invaded your scents, mixing with the smell of your arousal quickly; you take a step back from them, assuming they're both flirting mind to mind as you can now smell how horny they both were.
"Alright, well, now I know what you're both thinking. I'm going to take that as my opportunity to leave, " you explain whilst walking towards the exit like you usually did when the mated pair became obsessed with the other in similar situations. However, a shadow wraps around your wrist and halts your movements, so you must turn back and watch as Rhys' arm secures Feyre's shoulder.
"How do you know what we are thinking about?" Rhys asks casually.
Once more, you roll your eyes in exasperation, "because I can smell it, and you are both anything but subtle".
"Hmm", he contemplates for a second. "And what exactly do you think we're dreaming about?"
Your tongue suddenly lay heavy in your mouth as you look confused between them both, noting that Feyre's cheeks are once more flushed with embarrassment, or was it arousal?
"Is this a fun game for you both? I'm not sure I'm interested in guessing what you two do behind closed doors". A lie, but they don't need to know this as those thoughts had been fueling your quiet nights between your sheets.
The High Lord and Lady's eyes both lower to watch as your thighs squeeze together to ease the worsening ache there, not realising how noticeable your movements had been as you cough to recapture their attention back to your face.
"Maybe I should have phrased my question differently", Rhys begins to say as he licks his lips. "Who exactly do you think we are dreaming about?"
Your frown deepens with the confusion that only seems to worsen with each word Rhys says. Feyre takes control of the conversation as she steps forward and out of Rhys' hold until she is in front of you, looking like the beautiful High Lady that she is. Her shoulders rolled back, her head held high, and the confidence only added to the pulsing and fire between your legs.
Carefully, you watch every single flicker of emotion and movement from Feyre. From the way her lips part to take in a deep breath, the subtle hardening of her nipples beneath the thin blue shirt she wore, to the way her pupils expand to match the sweet scent in the air. "I, for one, was not and am not thinking of Rhysand", she speaks in a lower undertone than usual, not flinching from your unending stare.
It was your turn to open your mouth, licking the dryness while attempting to think of some kind of response, but it seemed that your mind was void of all conventional thoughts. So much so that the arrival of Morrigan as she winnowed into the room had the three of you flinching and jumping to face the new arrival.
The tall blonde's nose wrinkled as she glanced between her cousin and his mate, "By the Cauldron, will you two leave the poor girl alone with your nasty thoughts? It smells like a Pleasure house in here", Mor claims as she flicks her luscious hair over her shoulder.
You take a step back, thankful that Mor only thought the thick smell was from Feyre and Rhys and not you as well.
"Morrigan, a pleasure as always, dear cousin", Rhys drawls as he casually picks off some invisible lint from his shoulder. This sight has you smiling, knowing he was covering his discomfort with the movement.
Mor flicked her gaze over Rhys before dressing each of you with enthusiasm, clasping her hands together, "So tonight I've convinced the others to come to Ritas, and I need you three to also join to have the complete team there".
"I'll be there, " you say quickly, deciding you need something more substantial to drink after this conversation.
"Us too", Feyre answered as she glanced over her shoulder towards you with a not-so-subtle wink.
Hours later, after the sun had set and your anxiety had risen for a moment, you were now encompassed in the inhibitions of the alcohol humming through your veins. Ritas was as busy as always, and being surrounded by friends, good music and even better drinks, you were very much in your element of happiness.
Despite your friends being gathered around the table you always resided at or in the centre of the dancefloor, you were happy in your little corner of heaven in Ritas, where you could sway on the spot without worrying about feeling strangers' bodies knocking into yours.
The conversation continued to play over in your mind as you felt the coolness of the sweat dripping down the middle of your spine. As much as you love Mor, you could have cursed her to prison for interrupting before discovering who Feyre and Rhys were referring to because even though your heart screamed that it was about you, your mind tried to convince you otherwise. There was no way that your mated friends were turned on by you.
You're drawn away from your thoughts as a slender arm slides around your neck, and the sweet smell of Feyre wraps around you, replacing the salty sweat from the room. Her grin matches yours as she tips her head back, swaying her hips in time with yours as your fingers clasp to the thin material of her peach dress around her waist, pulling her closer.
From the way she laughed, you knew she was just as drunk as you but nevertheless still as beautiful as ever, even with the way her golden hair stuck to her face with the sweat and the glassy sheen over her eyes. You were happy to see her letting go and fully relaxing; she deserved it more than most.
You weren't sure which of you tightened your hold of the other, but now your faces are pressed together, her lips hovering next to your ear so that you could hear her say, "We didn't finish the conversation earlier".
Your feet somehow become tangled with hers as you both lose your footing, but a steady hand from behind keeps you both upright as Rhys' chest presses against your back. One of his hands remains on your waist, his thumb brushing in a circle, and the other reaches around your side to grip Feyre, pulling her even closer against your chest until your breasts are squished against hers.
"Wh-What conversation?" you pretend to forget, the rest of Ritas drowning away in the background.
"Don't play coy with us; I can smell your arousal already", Rhys growls into your other ear. You forget to breathe momentarily, so Rhys's tone calms, "Easy, breathe for us, it's ok. This will always remain a safe space". You appreciated his comfort, but for a moment, all you could think about was the way his lips caressed the shell of your ear.
I think you're beautiful, Honey. Feyre speaks dreamily mind to mind as she pulls away to look deep into your mind mesmerisingly. Her delicate fingers stroke down your cheek as her eyes flick between yours and the lips you're biting. I want you. She states this with such confidence and not an ounce of alcohol slurring her words that your knees wobble.
"I want you too", you finally whisper to her, unsure if the alcohol was giving you courage or making silly decisions on your behalf.
"And you know that Rhys wants you too; nothing about that has changed", Feyre continues as you glance over your shoulder to look up at Rhys as he kisses the side of your head. You nod, understanding that she was referring to your past with him.
"I think we should find somewhere more private, don't you?" Feyre continues as you agree with her.
One second, you're in Ritas, and the next, you're in the comforting bedroom in the townhouse of Feyre and Rhys. The instant calmness of the loud music faded, and the delicate touch of the wind as it floated through the open archway to the balcony. Sighing at the coolness as it kissed against the exposed skin of your arms, you let it distract you from the chaos erupting in your heart and mind.
Rhys moved away first, and before you turned to see what he was doing, Feyre stepped back and grabbed your hand. The two of you laughed wholeheartedly while stumbling over to their gigantic bed.
You both collapse into the centre, laughing at nothing as the springs cause you both to bounce before settling and wrapping your arms around each other.
Rhys leans against the bedpost at the base of the bed, smiling down at the two of you, especially as Feyre lifts her feet and wiggles them in his direction. "Come on, High Lord. Look busy", she giggles as Rhys smirks, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and dragging her feet into his lap. Carefully, he unbuckled the straps of her heels, dropped the shoes onto the floor and carefully kissed the top of her knee as the dress she wore now pooled midthigh no that she was lying down, and then his sights were set on you.
With long strides, he's around the other side of the bed, now closest to you, and begins to remove your shoes as well, but then your feet remain over his thighs, and the reality of the situation finally dawns on you. Like he had with Feyre, his eyes never leave yours as you forget to breathe altogether, and he kisses your knee delicately.
Feyre raised to lean on her fist so that she could look down at you as your gaze turned from one to the other.
"You'll tell us if it's too much, I mean", she asks, appearing more sober as you, too, notice the liquid courage seems to have disappeared from your system as you nod in agreement at her. She smiles as Rhys' fingers caress from your ankle up to your calf. "I've never kissed a female before", she admits as the hand she isn't leaning on reaches across to run her fingers down the side of your face.
"I think you'd enjoy it", you say, sounding breathless, becoming lost in the desire that darkens her usually bright eyes. You're encouraged to continue as her fingers continue to explore your face and linger on your lips. "Kissing a man is nice and dominant, rough. But with females, they're soft, sweet, gentle but demanding if needed."
Feyre bites her lower lip as she glances at Rhys for a split second before turning her attention back down to you. "I want to kiss you", admits eternally.
"I don't think your mate would appreciate me touching what's he", you say, trying to remain as level-headed as possible, knowing that the mind between mates should not be interfered with.
Feyre's eyes gleam with mischief as she looks down at her mate, who has remained silent so far. "My mate wants to kiss you too", she confirms.
"More than you could know", Rhys then speaks, his tone taunt and deep, like he is trying to hold back, but it is all the confirmation you need.
Reaching up to your High lady, you cup her jaw and pull her close, meeting her halfway as your lips connect. The two of you forget to breathe momentarily, simply remaining in place and allowing each of your emotions to escalate before your movements finally catch up to your pounding heart.
Your lips press more firmly, moving against hers until they relax and open, giving you the perfect position to tease your tongue between her lips. You both moan, especially now that you can taste her, feel her loosening and falling more into the kiss, finding the courage to push your head back onto the bed and become more demanding.
Your fingers slip through her hair as you greedily try to taste the other. She was sweet, oh so fucking sweet you could have drowned in her and thanked the Cauldron for giving you the opportunity. Her full lips are cushioned against yours until you're both starving of oxygen and needing to pull back to breathe.
A second, this lasted before her face wasn't above yours anymore, and your High Lord was leaning over your body, his hand now cupping the entire side of your face as he kissed you with greed. The sensation of nostalgia hit, the taste that you'd grown fond of over the years of intimacy before Feyre crashed through your senses. Yet, there was something new and exciting with this kiss, even as you continued to stroke through his mate's hair and hold her to your side as Rhysand bruised your lips, his tongue entering your mouth for a brief second as you moaned.
Then he's pulling back, and you're welcomed to the beautiful sight of Feyre and Rhys desperately kissing. You'd seen them kiss more times than you could count, but being this close, having each of them still clutching onto your body in some way.
Feyre was the first to ease away, tilting her head slightly so that Rhysands lips could move to the slop of her neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses until reaching the strap of her dress on her shoulder and easing it down. Coping his movement, you, too, moved the strap off of her other shoulder and the material pooled below her ribs, exposing her breasts to you. There wasn't a second wasted before you moved to lick one of her perked nipples as Rhys nibbled on the other.
The soft moan from Feyre lit a fire in your belly as you continued to taste the sweetness of her skin, but then your head was moved back as Feyre demanded your mouth with hers once more.
With your back pressed against the bed, Feyre attempts to move over you but then halts herself, "I don't know what I'm doing" Feyre giggles.
Grinning up at her innocence, you admire the way that her eyes are half-lidded and swollen lips are pulled between her teeth as Rhys continues to caress her nipples and breasts with his mouth and hands.
Tucking a stray curl of golden hair behind her ear, you explain, "Touch me like you'd touch yourself. Do you touch yourself?" you ask, clarifying. The apples of her cheeks had already risen from the alcohol and kissing, but now they deepened in the shade as she said yes. Rhys growls against her chest at the thought of her touching herself and then begins to remove her dress further down her body until she's naked. You see, seeing that she'd gone without underwear and reached to touch her now slightly sensitive nipples.
Once more, you admire how she hitches a breath at the touch. She still seems hesitant as her fingers draw your dress's edge against your collarbones. Rhys, also sensing her nerves, lies on the other side of you, resting his head on his fist as he wraps his large hand around Feyre's small one.
"Here, let ms show you, Darling", he explains lowly, and you notice that he's now topless, the muscles flexing with his movements and bat wings flared out behind him, hovering in the air.
You and Feyre watch as Rhys moves her hand over your chest, cupping your breast over your dress and squeezing firmly. You can't help but rub your thighs together as the low pleasure builds in your already aroused body, the air thick with seedy scents from all three of you.
Rhys then catches your eye, winking cheekily with a handsome smirk. Within a blink of an eye, all clothes that remained on his or your body disappeared, and now Feyre's hand was pressed directly against your skin.
Your back arches slightly into the touch, pushing your breast into her hand, and then it's your turn to gasp as Rhys moves her fingers to pinch your nipple fiery, tugging it away from your body and then pressing a thumb against the aching area.
It was a sight you adored watching as Feyre tentatively began to learn how to touch your body. There was so much you wanted to do to both of them, and as much as you wanted to give Feyre a chance to move lower, you didn't like the attention just on you. It was challenging to decide whether to touch him or her, but as it was Feyre's first time with a girl, you wanted to see if she enjoyed your face between her legs.
"Feyre, can I be on top of you?" you ask her with a surprisingly pitched voice.
She grins as her eyes glow ever brighter as she rolls onto her back, "You don't have to ask".
Returning her smile, you slip around Rhys and straddle Feyre's waist, leaning down to kiss her hungrily for a few seconds before moving backwards, lower down her body. "I want to taste you". Your words pressed against her skin as your mouth journeyed south, kissing the peaks of her breasts down her sternum and toned stomach. Her breaths were coming out in quick huffs as she squirmed on the bed, legs spreading as your body fit between them, your face pressing against the softness of her thighs.
Feyre's arousal was evidenced by the wetness that now caressed your cheek as you nuzzled yourself closer, resting your weight on your chest and arse perked in the air as you felt the High Lord move behind you. Blowing cool air over Feyre's beautiful cunt, you loved how responsive she already was as she shivered and gripped tightly to the sheet beneath her, looking down her body at you.
Whilst holding her eye contact, you finally lowered your mouth to her, tongue sweeping over her labia and tasting her salty but uniquely beautiful juices. The High Lady's gasp was like music to your ears, especially as you pressed more firmly, dipping beneath and stroking over her clit and feeling it throb against your tongue. "You taste so fucking good".
Rhys, who was licking his lips at the sight, began to hover over both of you, kissing down your spine, causing goosebumps to rush to the surface of your skin. He, too, began to use his tongue to pleasure as he knelt behind you, flicking his tongue into your cunt and pushing in. You groan, and in turn, Feyre does, too.
"I've missed this", Rhys admits from behind as he circles your hole with his fingers, carefully easing a single digit within. This was the first time you'd been penetrated by anything in over 50 years. Amarantha had often tortured you with your arousal, making sure you were never given anything to ease the ache, but then after her demise, even when you touched yourself, you were so sensitive it would only take clitoris to play for you to orgasm.
Your back arches, pressing your breasts further into the bed and arse harder into Rhys' face as he rocks his finger in and out before adding another and beginning to curl his fingers until your whimpering into his mate's cunt. Warmth flushed over your face as you realised just how quickly you were close to orgasm, so you moved with more enthusiasm as you sucked on her clit and then pressed your tongue firmly against it. Then, for the first time in 50 years, you used your powers because you wanted to, not because you were being forced to.
Rhys and Feyre both moan loudly enough that the bed trembles. You'd caused the sensation for him that his cock was now being wrapped tightly down someone's throat and Feyre to fill full internally, with someone caressing the sensitive nerves within her cunt, both nipples being sucked on by an invisible force.
"What was that?" she cries out as she closes her eyes, her hips now rotating on their own accord as she chases her high. You could have made her orgasm with your powers but didn't want to overwhelm her immediately, so you settled in softly as you continue to circle her clit.
Not stopping to answer her question, you match the sensations you're going through and then as Rhys' thumb pressed against your clit and the hurricane of an orgasm pulsed through your cunt and abdomen, you made sure that both mates also came at the same time.
Rhys grunted, one hand coming to rest on your hip and squeezing the flesh as he humped against the bed, staining the sheets with his seed, and Feyre coated your mouth with her arousal, her thighs almost crushing you in the process, but you would have died happy right there.
While still trying to catch her breath, Feyre suddenly announces loudly, "Sit on my face". You and Rhys' face snap up to look at her, laughing at the crudeness of her words that aren't usually that forward. She appears sheepish for once, asking, "What? Did I say it wrong?"
"Not at all", you begin whilst crawling up her body until you're face to face. "Are you sure?"
"Yes!"
With Rhys' steady hands on your hips, you moved to kneel on either side of your High Lady's face, looking down your body at her excited expression. Still reluctant, it takes Feyre's tattoed fingers to wrap around your thighs and pull your body down before her mouth is on your intimate area. You weren't sure who moaned louder, you or Feyre, as she started by licking and tasting between your folds before building more enthusiasm and dipping the tip of her tongue into your pussy.
"You're doing so good", you praise whilst holding one hand on the headboard of the bed and the other slipping into Feyre's hair. Glancing over your shoulder, you admire Rhys, who was on his knees watching the two of you, his hand wrapped around his surprisingly already hard cock. He looked almost godly in this position, the tattoos of the mountains on his knees gleaming at you for more than one reason, his wings spread wide behind him. "Look busy, High Lord; I think our beautiful High Lady's cunt is looking lonely down there".
"It would be my honour, Love", Rhys agrees, moving closer and easing his mates legs over his thighs as he lowers the tip of his cock over her clit, teasing her for a second before entering her. You could feel the rush of air against your pussy as she gasps, rotating her hips as she rocks against Rhys.
You match the movements, rolling your hips against her face as her nose knocks against your bundle of nerves and her tongue moves ever deeper. Everything felt so good; your body was alive with emotions and buzzing nerves. You could have died happy right there, especially as your face is then tilted back and Rhys' mouth is on yours, kissing whilst fucking his mate.
Even with his tongue down your throat, you wish you could praise Feyre; she makes you feel so good, even though it is her first time doing this. And Rhys, he always knew how to leave you breathless and begging for more.
You weren't even prepared as your orgasm rocked you very well. Rhys had to half hold you up as your body trembled, cunt squeezing and pulling around Feyre's tongue until the sensations lessons at you collapsed next to the pair, trying to catch your breath.
Then you watched, with awe and amazement, as Rhys fucked Feyre, their fingers all over each other, grasping and holding as both of them eased closer to their peak. But even then, when both were breathless and arching their backs, you were still being grabbed and included with kisses and touches until all three were motionless in the middle of the bed.
To say you were exhausted was an understatement, having not had two orgasms in quick successions in so long, and the thrill of emotions was enough to have you falling asleep almost immediately. Not before you're checked in by both of them, Rhys wraps an arm around your waist, and Feyre's head rests against your chest.
"Are you ok? I mean - was that alright for you?" she whispers, sounding just as exhausted as you.
"It was perfect", you respond before closing your eyes and falling asleep.
Waking up was not the blissful peace you'd hoped it would be. The thrill of the alcohol had completely gone from your body, and all that remained was a heavy sickness of guilt in your stomach. Last night was beyond perfect. Everything you could have wanted and more, but reality was your worst enemy.
Feyre and Rhys were mates, not only this but your High Lord and Lady. A fun night of relieving tensions for them meant so much more for you; emotions that had attempted to lay dormant were now screaming in your mind that you'd made one of the worst mistakes yet. They wouldn't want you. They couldn't have you anyway. No matter how deep the feelings ran, there was no such thing as a mates pair having a third join.
When the pair would wake, you knew it would be full of awkwardness and 'let's never do this again'. So, with great difficulty, you began to untangle yourself from the duo, careful not to wake either of them as you climbed out of bed.
It wouldn't happen again, and the sooner you realised this and came to terms with it, the easier the pain in your heart could ease. Grabbing your dress that was folded on a nearby chair, you slipped it on and, with your shoes in hand, left without glancing back at the sleeping couple.
You had a room in their house, much like the rest of the inner circle, but there was no way you could remain in the same room as them for a day, at least so, after changing into more comfortable clothes and hiding under a coat, you left to go to your own home.
It was on the other side of Velaris, and on the walk there, with the sun slowly beginning to rise and wake up the other occupants of your home town, you had time to overthink every single touch and moan from last night. Eventually, you arrived at your abandoned apartment, having hardly slept here since your nightmares were so crippling that you needed to stay near Rhys and Feyre at all times.
You attempted to distract yourself by scrubbing your skin raw, trying to remove the scents of both of them away, but when that didn't work, you moved to deep cleaning your home, which now had a thick layer of dust and cobwebs across the surfaces. This was until you could collapse with exhaustion into your cold bed.
The nightmares were there, so violently, in fact, that you were startled awake because you couldn't breathe. Your mouth opened to scream for Rhys to save you but stopped, biting on your tongue until blood coated your mouth. Scrubbing a heavy hand down your face as you caught your breath and eased the ache in your chest, you glanced out of the window, seeing the sun high in the sky, meaning it hadn't been that long since you'd fallen asleep.
Your stomach gave a hungry growl as you sighed, collapsing back onto your pillow, staring aimlessly towards your ceiling.
I was going to give you one more hour of rest before coming to find you, but it seems you've beaten me to it. Rhys' voice echoed in your mind in a deep drawl that had a fluttering of pain seep into your chest as you remembered last night. Deciding to do something you've never done before, you tried to ignore him, turning over and pulling your bed sheet over your head and shutting down your mental shields, but he simply pushed them aside with his talons.
Why are you there and not at home?
Without thinking, you snapped back sassily, This is my home.
He didn't comment on your tone as he continued to ask. Why did you leave?
I needed to shower. You answered simply, knowing it was a useless excuse.
We could have showered together. Rhys purred back, and even his tone was your core warming. Unsure of what to reply with, you decide remaining silent was your best option, so he filled the silence with more questions. I don't want to intrude on your personal space but don't block us out. Last night was-.
I know. You cut off his sentence, not wanting to hear his rejections. It's fine. I'll just speak to you later, Rhysand.
Rhysand? When do you ever call me that? He sounded more urgent with his questions, so you try even harder with your mental shields until a thick wall separates the two of you, and his words are finally silenced. Your emotions finally snap as you sob until you can't breathe.
You remained in this position for the rest of the day. Your hunger is now dormant with the sickness in your chest. The tears would dry and then start again as you feel the ghost of their lips against your skin with the memories that continued to spiral through your mind over and over again. Eventually, the sunset, and you were left with the shadows from the fae lights to keep you company.
Deciding the bedroom only made you feel worse; you move into the living room, sit on the couch, and stare at the wall.
At one point, you could feel the stroke of gentle fingers against your mental shields, but you kept them in place, deciding it was best to ignore Feyre as well. However, a firm knock came on your door late into the night. You wanted nothing more than to ignore it, to leave whoever was there to think you were asleep, but as the knock came again, you decided to just get it over and done with, already knowing who was there.
Opening the door, you're greeted by Feyre and Rhys, holding a plate of your favourite food and both smiling gently towards you, their eyes searching over your body to check you're well but noticing how red and bloodshot the whites of your eyes were.
"A peace offering": Feyre offers the place towards you, but you don't take it; you step out of the way and allow them to enter your home. Moving further into the room, you returned to the corner of the couch, avoiding their eye contact as you tucked your knees beneath you and hugged a pillow to your chest.
Feyre places the plate on the small table before you and sits to your right, while Rhys sits opposite in the armchair.
"I've never actually been here before. It's cute." Feyre continues trying to cheer you up somehow, but you ignore her.
"I'm sorry", you finally painfully say, wanting to get it over and done with.
"Sorry?" Rhys asks in confusion, leaning forward until he rests his elbows on his knees. "For what?"
You couldn't help but flinch, turning your shoulders in to appear smaller. "For last night. For overstepping in your relationship. I shouldn't have let my emotions dictate my actions. I've- I've just been so lonely, and I trust you both more than anyone, but you're mates, and I know what's happened is unforgivable and-".
A delicate hand covers your mouth, stopping your flow of words as Feyre leans forward with fire lighting her eyes, eyebrows set furrowed. "Would you stop trying to say how me and Rhys feel, please? Because I think you'll find you're incredibly wrong with every single thing that you say". Her hand begins to lower, and you open your mouth to battle what she has said, so she quickly keeps her hand over your mouth. "Nope! No talking, just listen. We don't regret anything about last night".
Without using your mouth, you roll your eyes, but that only earns you a squeeze against your cheeks. Rhys then begins to talk, "She's not lying. There isn't an ounce of regret in my body" his eyes remain steady as he stares at you.
"Yes, Rhys and I are mates, and the thought of someone touching what's mine fills me with murderous rage, but when I watched the two of you touch and kiss, I felt anything but negativity. You've not just been anyone to me; you're special to both of us. More than you could ever know."
"You saved my life under the mountain. Without you, I wouldn't have survived her", Rhys admitted, referring to the one person you hated more than the King of Hybern. At seeing your relaxed state, Feyre finally loses her hand from your face as you stare at the deep, raw emotions on Rhys' face, the sharpness as his jaw tensed.
"You saved me too", Feyre continues as you look towards her now. "In those dark dungeons when you would visit to keep me company or healy my body and mind, there's no way I would have survived it all".
She takes your hand, squeezing your fingers as she talks. "You haven't just been a friend to us. Even now that I and Rhy are mates, I feel this longing to be near you. I often thought maybe we are meant to have more than one mate because the way I feel for you isn't just lust".
Your breath was out heavily, not realising you'd been holding your breath as they both spoke, a lightness filling your heart and mind. "I thought you both would come to regret what we did. That my emotions were just one way because you saved me more times than I could ever begin to list. You're my closest friends; save me from the dark each night, but after what we did, I thought I'd overstepped the boundary, and you wouldn't want to see me again".
"Well then, you don't know me then, do you? Because I don't back down from what I want, and I meant what I said when I said I wanted you," Feyre responds passionately as your gaze flicks from her eyes to her lips before Rhys inches forward until kneeling beside you both, his hand resting over yours and Feyres joined hands.
"This may be difficult to understand. Yes, we are mates, but you have always meant something close to me, and I've known for a long time that Feyre feels similarly. I want you, Love, like I want Feyre. The thought of not being able to have you or someone else's hands on you makes me want to strike everyone down" he pauses to take a deep, steadying breath as he rolls his neck to ease the tension and anger that burst from him as his jealous emotions overtake him. "If you don't want to be with us, we'd understand and return to how we have always been. But we can't lose you, even as a friend".
You scoff, unable to hold back your reaction, as you sit up with a burst of energy, looking between them. "Of course, I want you both! I thought it was obvious. There's no way I'm letting either of you go" Your fingers tighten in their hold as you finally smile. Rhys and Feyre sigh in relief. "I don't understand how this is going to work, though, between the three of us. How do we even explain this to the others?"
Rhys shrugs his shoulders, "It's not for them to get. This will be understood with time, but let's concentrate on each other, being together and learning this new dynamic. It's not anything to rush, just that we each understand that we have each other".
Life came with its highs and lows. Even at its lowest, the smudging of hope could draw you out and lead you on a whole new path. All those years ago, never would you have thought you could be with two of the most remarkable people of all of Pyrthian, but by the Cauldron, you were going to hold onto them so tight and never let them go.
#feyre archeron#feyre x reader#feyre x rhysand#feysand#feysand x reader#feyre archerson smut#feysand smut#feysand one shot#rhysand#rhysand x reader#rhysand smut#acotar#acotar smut#acotar one shot#rhysand one shot#mine*
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
Levi x reader, SFW, Fluff, Fem!reader, Househusband!Levi, Second person POV
Been having brainrot about Levi with a little daughter lately, so I wrote this quickly. Named the daughter Valentine but you can name her whatever you'd like ♡
The chocolate chips formed a clattering sound within the glass jar as he poured them into the large bowl, humming a soft tune to himself. His bangs were held back by a pink princess clip that he had borrowed from his generous daughter. He didn't bother keeping quiet, as he knew you were still working, hidden away within your office. Your constant workaholic attitude troubled him. He only wished for what was best for you and your daughter, yet he could see that your unending exertion had been taking its toll on both your physical and mental health. Despite his attempts at pleading with you to take a break, they all proved to be utterly futile. He would have to settle with taking on the task of attending to your beautiful little daughter.
Your ego wouldn't allow you to give in to his pleas just yet, so you'd have to satisfy him by eating the baking he was currently making. Chocolate muffins.
One hand holding the bowl with the other stirring the mix, he glanced at the closed front door. He hummed, wondering when you'll finally decide to come home just to refuse rest. He didn't mind, your attitude amused him greatly.
He felt a little tug at the hem of his shirt. Tilting his head down in search of the source, his gaze met his daughter's big doll eyes and beaming grin. She spoke in an eager manner, “Papa, can I help?”
His eyes softened at her innocent request. The corners of his lips curled upward to form the gentlest of smiles. He tilted his head to the side, gesturing towards a small stool, “Go get something to stand on.”
The little girl, whom he had named Valentine, rushed to retrieve the stool, her chubby legs skittering across the wooden floor. She returned quickly, pushing the small chair up to the counter and struggling to climb atop it.
He chuckled softly, leaning downwards to lift her and assist her up onto the stool. Her tubby fingers gripping the edge of the marble, her curious eyes peered up at the muffins her father was making.
She seemed to be taking a particular interest in the chocolate mixture. Looking down at her with a soft smile, he asked, “Val, do you want to try it?” He raised the spatula coated with chocolate, placing it into her tiny hands.
She hesitated for a moment. She looked up to him, her large eyes beaming with curiosity before sticking her little tongue out and licking off the chocolate. He watched her with a fond gaze as she grinned at him whilst suckling on the tip of the spatula. He opened his mouth to speak, but was quickly silenced by the sound of keys jingling outside the door. He knew you were back from work, and so did little Valentine. She squealed in excitement and plopped the spatula down onto the counter, jumping off the stool and quickly scampering towards you as you came in. You kneeled down, opening your arms to welcome your daughter in a tight embrace. She ran into your arms, “Mama!”
“Hey, baby!” You greeted her with a gentle smile, slowly rocking her back and forth as she excitedly rambled to you about her day, “Papa's making muffins!”
“Is he?” You inquired softly, smiling at your husband, who stood near whilst wiping his hands with a kitchen cloth.
“Uh-huh! Come eat with us, mama!” The little girl exclaimed cheerfully. She shrieked as her father snuck up behind her, quickly scooping her up into his arms.
“Let's let your mama rest for a bit, yeah? She's tired from work,” He explained to her gently, “Why don't you go play for a bit? I'll call you when the muffins are done.”
Valentine nodded enthusiastically. Seeing her response, he smiled softly and gently set her down. She quickly ran off to play her little games in her bedroom. He watched her lovingly, before turning towards you. He snaked his arms around your waist, planting a soft kiss to your cheek and resting his head upon your shoulder, “How was work, darling?”
“Mm, the usual,” You answered in a quiet voice, running your fingers through the dark strands of his hair.
“The usual?”
“Mhm.”
“The usual is usually not very good, is it, darling?” He lifted his head to look at you, concern evident on his face.
“It's good enough,” You replied in an attempt to downplay your exhaustion.
“Yeah, alright,” He agreed, his tone dripping with sarcasm. He leaned down and lifted you up into his arms, carrying you off towards your shared bedroom.
He wasted no time undressing you and gently lowering you into the bath. The warmth of rose-scented water engulfed your senses, easing your tension of the day. He sat by your side, his sleeves folded up to his elbows whilst he ran a sudsy washcloth along your skin, washing away any dirt and grime that had accumulated throughout the day. You lay in the tub, your eyes fluttering closed as he replaced the cloth with his hands. He placed his hand beneath your chin, tilting your head up to meet his gaze, and leaned in, planting a gentle kiss upon your lips, “I love you, angel.”
You peeled your eyes half-open, a small smile gracing your lips, “I love you, too.”
Without another word, he lifted you out of the bath, wrapping a warmed towel around your body and carrying you out of the bathroom. He ignored the mess of water on the floor. He'd clean it up later. For now, you were his priority.
He slowly placed you down on the bed and quickly left to get you the clothes he had prepared just for you. You watched him fondly as he rushed to return to you and get you dressed. He kissed your forehead, helping you slip on a satin nightrobe, “You'll catch a cold like this. Let me dry your hair.”
You gratefully complied, tilting your head back to grant him access to your hair as he grabbed a brush. Whilst he brushed out and dried your hair, your daughter came bursting into your room, “Mama, papa!”
Levi immediately softened further at her sweet voice, giving your shoulders a gentle squeeze before making his way towards her.
“Do you need anything, sunshine?” He asked softly.
“Can I brush mama's hair?”
He looked at you, awaiting your response. With a warm smile, you nodded, granting your permission to her. Following an excited squeal, she skittered towards you, climbing onto your bed and grabbing the brush. Your husband sauntered over to the two of you and sat alongside you, running his fingers along Valentine's hair.
“I'll go take the muffins out of the oven, alright?” He informed quietly, before standing up and leaving the room. Soon enough, your hair was dry and Levi was calling you down to the table. Both you and your daughter quickly went downstairs, Valentine tugging you along with her all the way. You sat at the table. You had offered to help him plate the muffins, yet he refused, insisting you spend the rest of the night without completing any form of work. He soon joined the two of you, setting the plate of a dozen muffins at the center of the table.
You both smiled at your daughter as she immediately reached over with a chubby hand, grabbing a muffin and taking a bite out of it. She beamed up at him, “They're so good, papa!”
“Yeah?” He murmured with a smile, his cheek resting in the palm of his hand.
She nodded eagerly, taking another big bite. He chuckled and wiped the crumbs away from her lips with his thumb. You watched this scene unfold with an affectionate stare, admiring the sight of your husband while taking care of your daughter. He would always put the two of you at the top of his list of priorities. Forever and always.
1,327 words, 7339 characters
#levi ackerman#attack on titan#levi x reader#aot#levi#levi aot#levi ackerman x reader#shingeki no kyojin#snk#captain levi#snk levi#shingeki no kyoujin levi#levi ackerman fanart#levi attack on titan#levi fluff#levi x y/n#levi shingeki no kyojin#attackontitan#attack on titans#attack on titan x reader#attack of titan levi#attack on titan levi#aot x reader#aot fandom#aot anime#snk x reader#levi snk#snk fanfiction#shingeki no kyoujin#levi fanfiction
68 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Burned Memories | Prologue
❥︎ The Burned Memories | Navigation
Prologue | chapter 1 | chapter 2..
❥︎ summary - You, a woman in her mid 20s, moved in your hometown as your father decided to leave your mother alone. Feeling nostalgic you decided to take a scroll through your childhood. Remembering your childhood friend, that meant the world to you, you wondered if he still lived here. Still feeling a bit mad at him after he didnt fulfill his promise, you decided to find him.
❥︎ word count - 1.2k
please read the tws before deciding to read this story. You may find them in the navigation and remember your mental health matters!
I'd like to apologize for any gramatic or any other errors English is not my first language!
Moving in your hometown was awfully hard for you. The feeling of nostalgia washed over you, as you saw the forest that you used to play in, when you were a kid. The trees have grown, indeed. You walked up to the old entry, that you and your friend created. It was extremely hard to expose the hidden and abandoned path for two small children. It took hours! However when you two finally succeeded, you had to go home since it was already late and you had to eat dinner.
You truly cherished the memories that you shared with your close ones here. You remembered every story like it happened yesterday. You were a bit shocked to see the path fully exposed. Back in the old days, it was only a little hole that only children could fit it. Half of you was happy, knowing that you won't have to crawl and struggle through the hole that didn't exist anymore. However the other half of you was disappointed, 'cause your hard work got wasted.
Deciding to take a scroll through the forest, you followed the familiar path. Noticing how half of the forest turned into an hunting area, you weren't surprised at all. The hunting season was just around the corner and you were not happy about that. You moved into your old household as your father decided to leave your mother alone. She needed your help and you provided it as you loved your mother dearly. He, himself found a better house in a wealthier area. Unfortunately for you, your house was very close to the once so familiar forest. When you were little everything looked so big and magical but now? The magic had dissapered from the once fairy tale space.
Turning around on your heel, you faced with an abandoned playground. Kids, including you, used to play here a lot. You were shocked when you saw it in its terrible state. The slide dirty with mud and weird black substances, rotted and once more, everything was terribly rotted. After a while of thinking, you began to understand why this place went abandonment. Really, whose idea it was to put a playground inside of a forest?
Continuing your scroll, you began to remember your old childhood friend. What was his name? You couldn't remember. You didn't believe that you forgot such an important thing. His whole face was a blur, yet you still remembered that charming smile of his. Somehow he always managed to make you smile and laugh. You started wondering if he is still as funny as he was in the past. Wait.. Does he still live here? Does he still remember you? You hoped that the answer to both of these questions were positive.
By the time you came back home it was already dark. Walking in, you greeted your mother, apologising for taking so long. She just brushed it off saying that "you don't have to spend all of your life in this house." Chuckling a bit you mentally agreed with her.
Looking around, your eyes were met with your luggage that you did not unpack yet. A sigh escaped your lips as you made your way over to your belongings. The truth is that you were too exhausted to unpack them, however you knew that they just wouldn't unpack themselfs.
Walking into your old room, that holds so much lovely memories from your childhood, you noticed a newspaper on the floor. April 11th, 1929, yesterdays date. Your mother must have opened the window in your room, and the newspaper must have flew it way in here. Dropping your belongings, you just noticed the cold temperature in the room. Freezing even. Closing the window you picked up yesterday's newspaper to look at it.
The axeman of New Orleans attacked again!
There's an axeman going around? How didn't you know that there's a murderer in the place where you grew up in? Anxious, you decided to sit down on your bed and read the rest of the article.
Time flew by and you grew more and more disappointed of the news you just read. No wonder father moved out you thought leaving the newspaper on your nightstand and rubbed your eyes. Tommorow will be a hard day and you knew that. The luggages didn't unpack themself yet so you had to finally do it. Wanting to forget about the informations that you acknowledged you moved to your belongings and started unpacking.
There wasn't really a lot of things there; just some clothes, hygiene stuff, basic writing supplies and some of your most important things that you could never get rid of.
9 pm. That was the time on the clock when you finished unpacking. Exhausted you rolled in your bed, not even thinking of changing into your pijamas. Your mind started to thrift to the events that happened today. The memories of your childhood were truly worthy being in an museum.
Just as you were about to fall asleep, your mind decided to remind you of him, once again. Wait.. What if he was killed my the axeman? You truly hoped that it wasn't true. You thought that maybe, just maybe you two could get the chance to catch up. However the promise.. You had no idea why didn't he keep the promise. Before you could think more about it, your eyes closed by themself.
"Tag, You're it! " You giggled before running deeper into the forest. You heard footsteps mixing with your own behind you, signalling that he was chasing you. Turning, and making an unexpected turn, you failed to notice how your dress got all muddy. You had no idea that you would get scolded after you'd came back home by your mother.
You laugh, as you turned around to see that you successfully lost your friend. Hiding in a bush that slightly tore your dress, you waited for him to give up or to just walk by so you could scare him.
"Boo!"
You screamed as, to your suprise, your friend found you. "not fun.." You mumbled as he helped you get up. "You cheated!"
"I didn't!" He argued, giggling a bit at your indignation. "You're just too easy to catch."
"No i am not!" You gasped in annoyance.
Your argument went on and on, you accusing him of cheating and him defending himself as he told you that he just creeped behind. Before you knew it your legs were leading the way to your houses.
Soon enough it was time to say your goodbyes as you both were standing beside your homes.
"Despite everything, I enjoyed hanging out with you today, ..." Your younger self confessed to him. Wait, him? You clearly heard you say his name. Why couldn't you remember it? Why couldn't you remember his name.
Before you knew it, you were dragged to a pitch black hole. You wanted to scream, but for some reasons you couldn't manage to utter anything.You turned around as you heard a familiar voice calling your name. Nothing was there. You gasped when something dragged you by your legs, finally screaming to let you go.
You jumped out of your bed, sweating in a middle of the night. You could hear the birds chipp as the rain continued to pour rather aggressively.
It was just a nightmare
taglist:
@sodavizz @nyx91 @lemonyboy97 @sirens-and-moonflowers @crescentparadise
hii!! The author here. I'm so so so sorry for the wait I had to plan this story out and I'm not very good at posting regularly!! I'm trying my best and I hope you understand. 🥹Also I apologize for such a short prologue but I promise the next chaoter will be longer. Love y'all!! 🫶🫶
#alastor x reader#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel x reader#alastor#alastor the radio demon#hazbin hotel alastor#human alastor x reader#human alastor#human alastor x you#human! alastor x reader#human alastor fanfiction#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel fanfiction#alastor fanfiction#fanfic
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)
Read chapter 1 here
Chapter 2
Summary: Dr. Vis gives you the responsibility of the patient in room 393.
Warning: 18+, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking.
Note : This fic is a bit of a slow burn so don't expect overly heated smut in the second chapter itself.
Species dysphoria, that's what they called it, a feeling of displacement or non-belonging in one's own species and feeling as if you belong to another. Your mother used to talk about one of her patients who felt this way and believed he was a crow - he would make crow sounds, walk and act like one, and even attempted to fly like a crow, which led to him breaking most of his bones.
Upon learning about Daemon's condition, you recognized the similarity to the patient who thought he was a crow, but you also recognized that Daemon was not constantly pretending to be a dragon, he just said that he was one, not just a dragon but a hybrid instead. As you had woken up this morning Mona had informed you that Dr. Vis wanted to meet you which had immediately made you all nervous.
“Good morning Dr. Vis” you mumbled politely so he gestured to you to sit down. He was an intimidating man with brown hair and few wrinkles that came with age of course, eyes always hidden behind those thick glasses, and you had never seen him in anything but the professional suit he would wear and of course the doctor's coat. As the silence made you uncomfortable you began to pick on your nails nervously like you always did in anxious situations.
“The new patient in 393 is not allowed to leave his room for two days, I want you to make sure his meals and medicines are taken care of” he passed you a piece of paper as he spoke so you nodded. The paper contained a breakdown of the patient's diet plan and a list of medications.
“Anything else sir?” You asked him so he gave you a smile,
“Don't be fooled by his charm, he's insane but very sharp minded, he can read weaknesses and he will try to manipulate you”
You felt slightly offended at his words, just because he was a semi good looking man that didn't mean you were going to salivate after him like Shyla and others.
“Don't worry sir, I don't get overly involved with patients”
He gave you another smile but it only made you more uncomfortable.
“That's why I'm giving you this responsibility, get going now”
You got up and proceeded to step out of his office, there was always a shortage of staff in the center, the main reasons being that it was located right in between the dense woods where it wasn't really possible for everyone to spend hours commuting back and forth everyday, and not everyone was willing to stay here 24/7, only single people and those desperate for a job did so. People like you.
During Lunch time you grabbed the plate for Daemon and placed it on a tray as you made your way to room 393, you knocked on his door twice before you entered yourself.
It was dark in there as the blinds were off so you placed the cart on the side and were about to open the blinds when you heard his distinct voice.
“Don't do it” his voice came out all groggy so you hummed in response and turned on the bedside lamp instead to not irritate him further.
“You need to eat before your medication” you mumbled softly as you neared the bed, he was laying on his front with his head squished into the pillow, as usual he didn't have a shirt on. You couldn't help but stare at the large, diagonal scars that stretched across his back, which looked like they'd been inflicted by a large object. Despite the urge to touch them, you refrained but you wondered how he had gotten them.
“Daemon?” You called out his name again so he rose from the bed and stepped towards the bathroom, letting out a low moan of discomfort. You had to turn around quickly because as the sheets dropped his naked sculpted behind came into your view. His room was also freezing cold so you wondered how Dr. Vis had allowed him this privilege in this cold weather.
As Daemon stepped out of the bathroom he smirked as he saw you standing with your back against the bathroom. You had your usual work uniform on, a light brown colored dress with a cardigan on top.
“Never seen a man naked before?” He asked as he pulled his pants up you so you rolled your eyes, that was none of his business even if you hadn't.
“Don't speak to me like that, I'm not your servant” you warned him as you turned around hoping that you'd not see him naked again.
“Mmmmmhhhmmm of course you're the doctor's servant aren't you? That is why you are here, attempting to impress him with a job well done so perhaps he'd pity fuck you finally and you'd get a promotion?” He spoke with that annoying smirk on his face but his eyes softened as you teared up, you had never been spoken to this way, people mostly respected you here, patients and staff alike.
“Finish your food, I'll be back in half an hour” you told him sternly as you walked past him but your breath hitched as he grabbed your upper arm.
“Stay, I'm sorry, I don't want to be alone” the tone of his voice had changed suddenly so you sighed,
“Will you behave?” You asked him sternly so he nodded before he sat down on the bed so you passed him the plate of food you had brought for him.
“I'm not your enemy alright, i have been assigned to take care of you-” before you could even finish your sentence he cut you off and looked you in the eye,
“Take care of me? Pretty girl you have no clue what you'd have to do for me if you really want to take care of me” he mumbled as he shoved a piece of steak into his mouth. You never had an urge to slap a patient until now.
“You're doing it again”
“I'm jesting..I'm bored senseless,”
“Well you must have pissed them off to deserve the confinement, otherwise you'd have been out there doing fun activities with other patients” you retorted so he opened his mouth and smirked again,
“Does the fun involve orgies?”
Taking a deep sigh you didn't respond this time as you didn't want to encourage him. When he was done eating you made sure he had ingested his medicines before you left him alone for good.
After two days of isolation, Dr. Vis had granted Daemon the brief privilege to take a walk outside. You were entrusted with accompanying him throughout the premises. Despite the fact that he was handcuffed, you couldn't help but feel nervous about being alone with him, given his unpredictable nature.
As the two of you reached the conclusion of the walking path, Daemon chose to settle on a grassy patch, he seemed calm for once so you didn't want to disturb him.
“Sit with me y/n” he mumbled softly so you nodded and sat down next to him to offer him some company. Isolation wasn't pleasant.
“What's a lady like you doing around here? Does the constant exposure to such madness not drive you mad as well?” he asked you with a touch of curiosity so you turned to look at him.
“First of all What do you mean a lady like me?” You asked him so he made eye contact with you before he smiled like a cheshire cat.
“You're too pretty to be cleaning up after crazies” your face felt warm as he said that, you didn't appreciate him calling the fellow patients crazy but his compliment almost sounded genuine and you weren't used to being complimented this way, it also sucked that he was kind of sort of beautiful, you couldn't help but stare at his sharp features, perhaps those strange features contributed into making him believe that he was an otherworldly creature that don't even exist..
“What's wrong with helping people? Besides they're not crazy…most of them are just sick and traumatized from their past, there's a reason behind every ailment” you emphasized so he let out the sort of smile that you could hear.
“How old are you?” He asked you so you shrugged in response.
“30..close to 31” you mumbled softly and you could tell he was surprised by the knowledge.
“You don't look a day older than twenty five darling”
“Well there's not much difference between 25 and 30.. how old are you?”
“Why would you want to know?”
He asked you and you almost felt embarrassed, now you could see what Dr. Vis meant when he said that Daemon was a charming man.
“I'm just countering your questions buddy”
He chuckled as you said that.
“I'm thirty four sweetheart”
“Mhhhm and since when you feel that you're a uhhh…a dragon?”
The look on his face changed as you brought it up , he turned his whole body towards you and scooted closer as he looked at you intently.
“Don't mock me frail little thing, it would do you no good” he hissed his words, perhaps in an attempt to intimidate you but he was handcuffed. What's the worst he could do? And why did you want to figure it out so badly?
“I was just asking you a genuine question”
“Did Vis ask you to shove your nose into my personal business?” he questioned so you shook your head immediately.
“Noo i am curious”
“Ohhh I know you're curious”
He tilted his head and pressed his nose against your neck to sniff you again, this time in broad daylight, if someone was to see you like this it wouldn't go down well.
“You didn't answer my question”
You mumbled gently so he dragged his nose over the vein on your neck before he stepped away, that's when you were able to let out the breath you had been holding in.
“For as long as I could remember, I knew what I was”
His voice was deep as he whispered, pupils dilated now as if he was drunk or high on something all of a sudden.
“Why do you sniff me like this?” you asked him, curiosity apparent in your tone.
“To read, to assess, to judge”
“What are you assessing?”
“Assessing whether you are as sweet on the inside as you smell and look”
“Alright…umm we need to get back now” you stood up suddenly so he snickered as if he was proud of himself.
You knew you had to maintain some professional distance from him if he was going to sniff you out of nowhere.
And you knew you had to deny the fact that it made you feel so warm and tingly sudden whenever he was so close to you.
Perhaps you had an ailment of your own because you had never really felt a genuine sexual attraction towards a man all your life, the only crush towards the opposite sex you remember having as a child was on this actor from the movies, Paul Newman. Men didn't attract you, nor did women, you loved the idea of romance and love but you had never experienced it, you never found yourself thinking or dreaming about anyone constantly. It made you yearn for that sort of connection but you were never able to find it in a man. You had learned to accept it as it was.
But something changed that night, as you laid down on your bed you found yourself thinking about him, his hazel eyes that you could have sworn were glowing under the sunlight, his silver hair longing to be touched.
“Fucking stop it..he's sick ..he's sick…he's a patient, you're responsible for him in a way so stop indulging him” you mumbled in your head over and over again until you were drifted into sleep.
But the sleep didn't bring you any relief, it worsened it instead. You saw him in your dream, you saw yourself laying on the same patch of grass and he was on top of you all naked, as you pressed your head up you realized you didn't have any clothes on either, your legs were secured around his slender waist, his hair falling on your face so you tucked them behind his ear, that's when he lifted his head up to look at you.
He licked your lips with his tongue, before he kissed you and it was as if you could feel his touch all over you, he was burning like a fire but you didn't feel uncomfortable, it calmed you instead. The wet grass beneath your flesh, the warmth of his body all around you, the smell of the forest, everything intoxicated you.
He then let out a growl as his hips moved slowly against yours,
“Daemon–” you couldn't help but moan his name, your fingers clutched onto the strands of grass so he grabbed your hands and placed them over your head,
“You're mine you know that right? I have got my eyes on you and I'm not leaving without you, the moment I saw you i knew you belonged to me, a part of my soul that I have been missing”
He mumbled between his staggering breaths and all you could do was whine and whimper in response, your arms wrapped around his upper back and then you felt something.
Something protruding out of his back, wings, you felt the wings….
That's when you were awakened by the loud sound of your alarm, drenched in your own sweat, breathing was faster as if you had raced away from something, and worst of all your panties were soaked.
“What the fuck…the fuck” you groaned as you got out of the bed.
The dream, it was so vivid, it felt so real. It felt like a memory you have never lived.
That afternoon you were asked to grab his meal and leave it outside of his room but that bothered you. Why wasn't he present in the cafeteria with other patients? Had he done something to warrant confinement again?
As his plate was made you placed it on a cart along with a glass of water and made way to his room..
You were instructed to leave the food outside his room with a knock but you felt restless. Why weren't you allowed to see him?
After wrestling with your thoughts for a moment you decided to enter instead, there was no one around the hallway and if you were caught you'd simply tell them that you only went inside to check up on him because he hadn't come out for his food in a while.
As you stepped inside his room you found him on the floor instead of the bed so you quickly closed the door behind you,
“Daemon.. hey” you crouched down to check up on him as he wasn't conscious and immediately checked his pulse for signs of life. Upon confirming that he was indeed breathing, you proceeded to look around for signs of injury or drug overdose, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Desperate to awaken him, you snatched the glass of water and sprinkled the droplets over his face.
And it worked, you saw him moving his eyes before he opened them up slowly,
“Heyyyy ..oh thank God, are you okay” you asked him worriedly so he sat up slowly. He was still in his uniform as he had returned from his therapy session with Dr. Vis.
“What happened?” He asked you so you looked at him worriedly.
“You were unconscious..I don't know for how long” he placed his hand over his head and that's when he cursed loudly.
“The bastard zapped me”
“What?” You asked him confused so he groaned as he tried to stand up on his own but his body felt weak so you offered your support and that's when it clicked what he had meant.
“He used a stun gun on you?” You asked him as you helped him sit down on the bed.
“Leave me alone” he mumbled as he placed his head down into his palms so you sighed and got up,
“Will you eat?” You asked him and perhaps it was the gentle tone of your voice but as he looked up at you, his eyes were teary
“Don't go…don't leave me alone”
The sad murmur of his voice made you feel really awful for him, the constant mood swings, the way he seemed so broken bothered you alot.
“I can't stay, I was asked to leave your food outside, I'm already breaking my code”
You said to him so he grabbed your hand, his thumb ran over your fingernails, they were red and flamed from the recent biting and picking and you felt a little embarrassed by them, not to mention his touch was making you feel weak at the same time.
“Why did he use a stun gun?” You asked as you crouched down on your knees and placed your palm on his shoulder to comfort him.
“So I'd accept that I'm not a dragon, that I'm just an ordinary man like him.. like all of them”
He mumbled somberly, his words were broken in pieces and it made your own eyes tear up “I am not crazy y/n”
“I know, you just need help-”
“I don't need help, I need to be understood”
“I..” you were at a loss for words as he said that, you wanted to comfort him but you didn't want to lie to him.
“Understood?”
“I know what I am..I'm not delusional or whatever they're trying to make me believe”
“Okay..then why did you agree to come here?”
He went quiet as you questioned him. This wasn't an asylum where people were forced against their will, it was a wellness center. If he didn't want to get better then why did he come here?
“I made a mistake out there .. I didn't know.. couldn't control my powers–they come and go in waves..i have no control..no–” the moment he saw the perplexed look on your face he stopped his rambling, he was saying too much too soon, you weren't going to believe him, nobody believed him “Just go ..I'm done talking”
You nodded as he said that as you didn't want him to get upset or mad again but before leaving you made sure that he was fed.
You felt conflicted about him, he didn't seem dangerous, sure he had his moments of aggression but so did several other patients, why was he being treated so harshly by Dr. Vis?
You couldn't stop thinking about him even when your shift had ended. Sick people were capable of convincing you that they were not sick at all, it wasn't their fault, that's just how their brain operated but Daemon seemed different, you couldn't put your finger on it but he seemed different from the rest of the patients.
That week you didn't see much of him because you weren't really allowed to, Dr. Lisa had informed all the members of the staff that Dr. Vis didn't want anyone interacting with Daemon due to his aggressive and unstable temperament.
Such restrictions only made you want to seek him out further, your mother always told you that patients flourished when they were allowed to be free and form human connections with their caregivers and fellow mates so why was Daemon being treated so differently? That night on the way to the terrace you knocked on his door twice before you climbed the stairs, as you reached up there you didn't lock the door this time from the inside,
“And here I was thinking you were a stickler about this job”
You heard his voice so you smiled and turned around, you had your coat on and your arms crossed together due to the cold but he was without a shirt again. Why didn't he feel cold? Or was he good at pretending he wasn't affected in the slightest?
“I am not going to offer you a cigarette if that's why you came here” you told him so he walked closer to you.
“Tchhh that's a bummer but this ain't too bad either”
He mumbled as he walked past you and leaned against the ledge to look at you intently. What was he thinking you thought, perhaps the fact that you had invited him upstairs when you had no obligation or rights to do so.
“You're cold” he mumbled softly so you chuckled in response
“It's cold out here”
“Mmmhm come here” he tilted his head as he spoke and it made you nervous, the look on his face sent shivers down your spine. You had to remind yourself of your situations to snap back to reality.
“So they will be lifting the restrictions tomorrow..you must be doing well in the therapy” you switched the conversation so he rolled his eyes in response,
“I'm doing what he want me to do”
“And why is that?”
“I want my freedom” he mumbled so you nodded but what he said next made your heart skip a beat “and i miss a certain lady's presence in my room and her forcing me to fucking eat all the time”
You couldn't help but smile as he finished his words.
“Do you feel better?” you asked him in the hope that he won't notice the warmth his words had brought.
“I do now”
Was he flirting with you? You couldn't really tell, you had no idea what he was planning in his head.
“Okay we should go back now–” you mumbled softly so he followed you as you walked side by side, being as careful as you could be.
As his room arrived you whispered a soft good night so he grabbed your hand in his own, his eyes then raked over your fingernails before he looked at you intently
"Next time you're anxious you can use my flesh to pick on, don't ruin yourself"
And then he went in without causing a scene. You hadn't realized all day that you had been smiling constantly these days for some reason. Perhaps you had a crush on him, if this is what a crush on a real man felt like. It was wrong, completely wrong but a crush was just that, a crush. You'd get over it, you were confident about that.
However the next morning you were greeted with an unexpected turn of events as you arrived at the staff area. Mona informed you that Shyla was let go that morning so you'd have to take up double shifts for a few days until the new member was hired,
“Wait ..what happened?” You asked her worriedly so Mona's expression turned serious as she glanced around, ensuring no one was in earshot before stepping closer to you.
“She was caught fooling around with the dragon boy, such a stupid girl”
😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
Taglist
@anukulee @ammo23 @littledark11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting
#daemon targaryen x female reader#daemon targaryen x reader fluff#daemon targaryen#daemon targaryen x reader smut#daemon targeryen x reader#daemon targaryen x reader angst#modern day au#non canon au#modern daemon targaryen
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
Huge vent: My parents don't know how someone with autism struggles with some stuff, and if I tell them that I am struggling because I am autistic, they will say I'm using my own neurodivergence as an excuse. Yipee
Some time ago, my psychologist wanted to take some neurodivergence/QI tests with me because she saw some autistic behaviors and wanted to find out through tests.
I asked myself this too, because I was seeing too many behaviors in myself that neurodivergent people say it comes from their neurodivergences, I always felt a "weirdo" my whole life because I had these behaviors, like hyperfocus, hating how people don't directly communicate with eachother, picky eater, can feel when something has changed in a recipe, have a low social filter like you tend not to notice when people are making fun of you or someone says you acted in a "rude" manner when in fact in your head you were just being nice, masking expressions and memorizing lines to get along in social situations
When I told my mom this and showed her some neurodivergent people on the internet talking about unusual experiences and feelings that were exactly like the ones that I have but said that it was because of their neurodivergences, my mom rolled her eyes and spoke rudely to me "Everyone is autistic/has ADHD today. People like to get attention. Daughter YOU ARE NORMAL, just because you identify with people on the internet doesn't mean you have anything. Everyone can relate to things like this."
But after I asked her so many times to try having those tests, she finally decided to let me do it. I think it was because she thought I wouldn't have anything and I would finally understand that I'm """normal"""
So after I told my psychologyst and my parents that I was suspecting that maybe I had a neurodivergence, after tons of asks, they finally started doing the tests.
Because I carried out these tests in several consultations with a psychologist every few weeks, they lasted for a few months. At first my psychologyst told me that they were just IQ and mental health tests, but one day my family and I went out to dinner and my mother said "we asked your psychologist to do tests on you to find out if you have any neurodivergence, and also your mental health and IQ, because you wanted to know if you had it" and that left me a little confused because that wasn't what the psychologist said, so I realized that something didn't made sense there. At the next appointment I looked at the book where the tests were and the word "neurodivergence" was also written there, so I started to wonder why my psychologist wasn't telling me this, but I decided not to say anything to her and continued taking the tests.
Minimal detail that confused me even more: During those months between tests, I traveled for a weekend with my parents. They left the house angry because we were late and we didn't had breakfast, so we went to a snack bar to buy some snacks for the trip. I ordered a food with chicken filling (brazillian food, like the famous coxinha, but it's called "salgado pastel", same dough just a different shape) and because of the rush we got into the car and only on the road I found out that the filling was actually ground beef, which I hate because of the texture, I always did, so I couldn't eat it. For some reason my parents were very angry about this, and they said things like "you have to stop creating these blocks in your head, just eat, you eat meat, it just has a different texture" and I said "I know that, but chewing it makes me sick, I can't eat it, makes me wanna puke" and they know that very well.
Until my mother said "you have no justification for this, your psychologist said that you are not autistic, you don't have any neurodivergence, so there is no reason for you to create these mental blocks" (them: personal boundaries and preferences)
Her telling me this made me even more confused, because I had already been adapting to the idea of being autistic for months, I knew I was, and being autistic explained everything about me that I thought was "weird" my whole life. So after hearing my parents yelling at me for 20 minutes straight, what my mom said kept playing in my mind and I thought "I can't believe it. So these doubts I have about myself, these questions I've had my whole life of 'why am I like this? why am I weird?' will never be answered. And in the end, I'm just an outcast for no reason."
Time passed and I kept doing the tests. My psychologist said that as soon as the tests were finished she would call my parents to see the results. When they were finished, I spent time waiting for the results, weeks, thinking about what would appear on paper. I sometimes saw my psychologist on the street and she said she was just waiting for the results, the documents, I'm not sure. So I was really anxious for a few weeks. She set the day for my parents to go there, and they finally went. They arrived home at night and invited me to talk at the dinner table with the results at hand. I won't say much about it, but it was there, confirmed, I am level 1 autistic. My parents' reaction was funny, they were reacting like straight parents who found out that their son is gay, "it's okay son, we still love you, even if you're like this. This doesn't change anything at all, you're still normal to us" 😭 their choice of words and point of view is questionable, but they don't do it on purpose, it's because of the generation they grew up in, at the end their intentions are good, they just don't know how to put them in practice properly.
I went back to my psychologist and we talked about it, she asked me about how the conversation went, my reaction, what my parents told me, and I said that they told me everything, they read all the papers one by one showing me the page per page, they even let me read it, so I knew everything that was written there. And then my psychologist told me something. That before starting taking the tests, SHE had spoke to my parents about it because SHE saw some autistic behaviors in me, so it wasn't just me who was thinking about this.
She told me that she spoke to my parents about it and they said "yes yes our daughter was really talking about this" and they decided to do it, BUT, they told her that they weren't sure if taking a neurodivergence test (that means, discovering how my own mind works and understanding myself better) would be a good idea cuz if I found out I'm something, I'm going to use this info to "play the victim" like HELLO??? LIKE WHEN DID I?!?? HOW?!???!?
Put this together with that situation of my mom saying "everyone is autistic today, people like to get attention", or my parents mad because I didn't wanted to eat something and saying I had no excuse for creating those "mental blocks" because "my psychologist told them I wasn't autistic, so it didn't made sense". I TOLD MY PSYCHOLOGYST THIS AFTER I SAW THE RESULTS, AND SHE SAID SHE NEVER SAID THIS TO THEM! EVER! Actually, what she did told my parents was that I had SEVERAL autistic behaviors and she offered trying to do tests, nothing more.
My parents told my psychologyst to tell me she was only making "QI and mental health" tests, because they were afraid of me faking the test to get the result that I want (?!???!?). And my psychologist found that really weird because she really doubted that someone who doesn't know a thing about psychology could fake those tests, so me knowing it was a neurodivergence test or not it wouldn't change anything, I couldn't fake it even if I wanted to! But she decided to respect their decision. Like parents what the actual fuck
And it's weird that THEY told me it was a QI + mental healt + neurodivergence test, after they told my psychologyst not to. Maybe they stopped caring mid tests about me finding out, maybe they thought a little more about what my psychologist said about not being possible to fake that test. Maybe having that conversation:
Parents: We want her to do the tests but don't tell her what it is fully for cuz she might fake the results (which doesn't make any sense why the hell would I want to fake something like this)
Psychologist: um actually you can't fake it even if you wanted to, so it doesn't change anything
*and after that conversation two things happened: my psychologist respected their decision about not telling me, and my parents got out of there thinking "well, she said it doesn't change anything so let's tell our daughter ourselves"*
Which made this whole mess
It turns out that I am indeed autistic; despite doing the tests blindly, despite not really knowing what it was for, despite my mom telling me 191892827 times that I wasn't and lying to me about my psychologist saying that I'm not (which never ever happened)
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE: They weren't even sure if they would tell ME about MY OWN NEURODIVERGENCE, because they were afraid I would use it to "play the victim" LIKE I'M THE KIND OF PERSO WHO DOES THAT
WHAT THE FUCK #!?!?#?@? WHAT??#??@?
I spent an unhealthy amount of time wondering why my parents were trying to keep this from me, and why do they see me like this.
I am fully aware that for many years, since childhood, my parents do not accept that I have different tastes and preferences.
My mom doesn't accept me dressing how I want, there was a time when I was very insecure and dressed tomboyish in an attempt to hide myself, but I dreamed of wearing anime skirts and being a soft girl style, I just didn't have the confidence (we are talking about 2018/2019). My mom complained a lot back then about how she couldn't dress me anymore. Nowadays, after recovering, I wear coquette style clothes, which is what I always liked but I just didn't had any confidence. And she even says "If you let me dress you, you would see how many compliments you would get", and I always answer "I don't care about the compliments, I just want to feel good in my clothes"
She keeps repeating comments about how "when I was young she dressed me I looked like a princess". Everyone gave me compliments, she gets a lot of compliments on the clothes she wears, my father says "daughter, your mom knows about clothes, let her dress you" and I don't even wear a style that would make their internalized homophobia frustrated like a masc style, IT'S COQUETTE! IT'S EXTREMELY FEMININE! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME WAAAA
That's my pinterest board. I LITERALLY HAVE some of these clothes and make outfits that are similar to these. What are they talking about why are they mad
They don't like the idea of me having boundaries. Whey they do something that I don't, like eat something that I don't, wear something that I don't, do something that I don't, they always said I'm creating a "psychological block", I'm stopping myself from doing things because I put it in my head. "You don't eat something because it gives you the ick? Stop putting that in your head, everyone does it" "You don't wear the clothes I wear? Stop putting that in your head daughter, everyone does it"
And you know what's funniest for me? Of everything? I've been told all my life that I put things in my head about things that are actually boundaries and personal tastes, but now that I discovered that I'm autistic, I actually discovered that this is related to my autism!
I don't eat corn, peanuts, or any grains since I was younger, and they've been treating me like I'm crazy since always, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TEXTURE! AUTISM!
I don't wore jewlery for a long time and this made my mom pissed for years, till this day I don't wear rings or bracelets because they make me uncomfortable, AND IT'S BECAUSE OF TEXTURE AGAIN! AUTISM
I had crazy "anxiety attacks" when I entered highschool, everything was too noisy, too hot, too many people, too many voices, closed in four walls for 9 hours per day, when it was too much I felt like I needed to scream, I cried, felt my chest hurt, and the people talking around me were still too loud, I didn't know why. I WAS OVERESTIMULATED!
"We don't know what's wrong with you, you keep putting those things in your head" NOW YOU DO! I'M AUTISTIC AND THESE WERE MY AUTISTIC BEHAVIORS! YAY!
And to make matters worse, remember how I said that my parents said they didn't want me to find out that I'm autistic because I would use that to "play the victim"? These behaviors of mine that they condemned for so long were autistic behaviors. And now that I know what they are, I can't say that I have difficulties because of my neurodivergence, because for them, I'll be playing the victim.
I've always had these difficulties, such as sensitivity to loud noises. But if I say "my ears are sensitive because I'm autistic" my parents will say that I'm using that as an excuse for something. "before you found out, you didn't use that as a justification for everything" DON'T YOU SAY!
I have a neurodivergence. I have difficulties with it and I need support, I always did, but now I found out the reason and I need you to understand that my brain doesn't work like yours. But if I tell you "my brain doesn't work like yours" you'll say "stop using that to victimize yourself! You're ""normal""
No hell I'm not neurotypical. My world isn't the same as yours. How am I supposed to ask my parents for support when we're at a party and I'm feeling overestimulated and the noises are too loud, if they answer with "stop using this as an excuse"
They didn't told me this yet, but it's because I'm not mentioning my autism in front of them. Some time ago I was playing videogame with my brother and the volume was too loud, it happened once, I told him
"arrgggg turn down the volume, the sound is too loud and it hurts my ears",
my brother said "it doesn't hurt mine"
and I said "you know i'm autistic"
but then he started saying "ever since you found out you're autistic you've been playing the victim."
I tried to explain to him that I always were, and now I can explain where my behaviors came from. I said "if you discovered that something you endure with is actually because of your neurodivergence, wouldn't you explain it to people? After all you're not like everyone else, you need support in some areas" and he said "lol no I would only make jokes about it BC it's nothing at all" (he's the kind of boy who makes fun of it)
I don't wanna try to do this next to my parents. I will hear worse stuff and only be reminded about how my parents don't respect my boundaries. This week there was an interclass championship at my school, the noises were very loud, very very loud, my ears were hurting so much that I couldn't stand it to the point of not giving a damn about what the teachers would say about "staying on the court" and I just left running out of there with my ears covered, extremely overstimulated. My mother stopped by while I was still there, I don't know exactly what she was doing there, but she greeted me and everything. And at that time the entire stand started shouting about a goal, and I already had my ears covered and an extremely uncomfortable expression on my face. When I got home later I talked about how being on the court was stressful and there was a lot of noise, and she said "yeah, I saw you there"
And I just. Couldn't tell her about the struggle I was in and how this was related to me being autistic. Because she wouldn't understand.
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#called my mom at 7am out of a desperate need for validation#had a 37 minute long convo that amounted to ‘you should look into therapy’#(in a much nicer and more constructive way it was actually a very good conversation’#and she told me that she’s been in therapy for the last year#and that it did wonders for her mental health#and that she went from being on the verge of divorce#to looking forward to spending her retirement with my dad and expanding her home business to cover health insurance#since my dad is currently unemployed and most likely isn’t getting another job (industry and & age related reasons)#and ofc I’m glad to hear that they’re doing better#but I’m wondering if she got thru everything she needed to in therapy#and if she’s sorry about last winter#when for two days in a row she screamed at me for hours on end#about what a failure I am and how much I’m a drag on the family#how I was responsible for their impending divorce#and she was going to gift my dad divorce papers for Christmas and it would be my fault#how I looked like a clown at my recent graduation#and a bunch of other things#if she’s sorry for how every year since I was 14 she’s screamed at me about how I’m responsible for their being on the rocks#how it’s my fault my siblings will grow up in a broken family and we’ll have to sell the family house of 25 years to pay for the divorce#for when in April 2020 she tried to [redacted] herself in front of me while telling me it was my fault and I’d pushed her that far#all while I whisper-screamed for her to stop bc it was midnight and my siblings weee sleeping in the next room#she has never apologized for any of those and I don’t want to bring it up now#bc I don’t want to relive the past#but I wonder#mother mention cw#negativity cw#divorce cw
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
imagine your f/o doing everything in their power to ease the stress and/or pain that you're currently experiencing
even if they're busy with work and other important duties, helping you with whatever is troubling you becomes a priority
#this is super specific but i am going through it at the moment#stress and constant pain does wonders for one's mental health (heavy sarcasm)#my favorite war criminal <3 would find a way out of whatever important galactic business she was roped into and spend time w me#she would try to get me to vent to her about my own problems even if i thought she had more pressing issues to worry about#professor sexy would have eezo keep me company while she did her teacher duties#she would insist on going to the arena and getting me to go destroy virtual enemies w her for getting my emotions out#the host of my heart would plan a night of b movie horrors and comment on them the entire time while we cuddled on the couch#between movies she'd encourage me to let it all out while my head was on her shoulder (and throwing in some compliments when she could)#i have plenty more to write for all of them but for the sake of not writing a story i'm stopping here#imagine your f/o#f/o imagines
102 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wish my psychiatrist was more interested in actually listening to me than trying to prove that she's right about everything 🙃
#she uses up all of our appointment time telling me stuff i already know#or just ignoring me and pretending that im dumb and self diagnosing with every single mental illness which im not even close to doing#people like her motivate me so much to work in the mental health field#i finally convinced her that i have ptsd but of course she had to say that not everyone who would be in my situation would develop ptsd#and i probably did because im an exessively anxious person#and she doesnt believe im autistic because according to her autistic people are emotionally disconnected and only ever think with logic#and she doesnt see that in me#she told me that im not full on autistic but neurodivergent because i have autistic traits but not enough#she asked me if i wanted her to write down the word neurodivergent for me to look it up later#and i was like its okay i already know that word..#then at some point she was like “youre not schizophrenic” and i said no and she said “youre not bipolar” and i said no#and then she said “you have anxiety problems” and i said yes#but i said no shit sherlock in my head lmao#i never said i thought i was schizophrenic or bipolar so idk why she was telling me this in the hopes of offending me#oh and she says i used to have a problem with cutting myself only because of teenage hormones so thats wonderful
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Going from straight A closeted college student to openly queer college dropout will really make you question your whole life
#I’m very high#not open about the nonbinary thing but yeah#gotta love that burn out lifestyle#🥲#woopsie#the validation of good grades is gone but at least I don’t want to die I guess#I’m contemplating all my failures#I still don’t know if the older girl who was my friend was queer though and that still bugs me#ma’am where you flirting with me#or just being nice#I still wonder#I should clarify class friend#we didn’t stay in touch#god I think half the class had a crush on her though#I certainly did#where is the post going#tw high#high posting#my post#for the first time in a long time I’m wondering if choosing my mental health over college and good grades was worth it#could I have survived it if it had been on antidepressants#at the time#idk
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
My mom: Please tidy the bookshelves
The bookshelves:
Me: *does as told, talking to myself quietly about the books and trying to track down different pieces of at least five different series' at once*
My mom: You sure like talking to yourself, huh?
Me: Why not? It's not as if I'm going to tell myself to stop talking
#personal#not lu#my family y'all#i mean#did i make a point?#i wonder if she caught it#she likes saying she's concerned for my mental health because i talk to myself so much#but like#she tells me that i'm always too loud?#who does she want me to talk to?#the people around me?#because lady#do you realize the last time i did that you sat me down for a two hour lecture about#'telling lies about her to people'#and to this day guilt trip me about it?#yeah#talking to myself is safer#besides#i happen to think i have very interesting opinions!#:)#also#we have a lot of books lol#this is only one wall of them#T-T
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)
Chapter 1
Summary: In 1985, you were assigned as a custodian in the King's Landing Psychiatric inpatient and wellness center after your mother's passing. Your job was mundane and boring, but that was until a new patient arrived, a young man with a wild and eccentric personality, harbouring a secret that will change your life forever.
Warning: 18+, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking.
“Room 393 needs cleaning up, new guy is coming” you heard your supervisor Mona so you sighed and quickly nodded. Working as a custodian in a mental health facility wasn't ever really a dream job for you but you didn't have any option at the moment. Your mother had worked all her life for the center and when she passed, as per her request beforehand, the job was immediately offered to you, and you had debts to pay so you couldn't really deny that offer.
At thirty you didn't really see your life heading towards anything better anyways and you didn't really despise working here. Helping people feel good at times. Your job wasn't limited to cleaning services, you would often get assigned to patients who needed a caregiver for physical and emotional needs.
King's landing psychiatric inpatient and wellness center was a six floor building at the outskirts of London, it was established in 1955 and your mother had started her job the same year, it's been thirty years now and two years since she had passed, she was living nearby because she was married and had a child, you on other hand didn't want to travel back n forth so you chose to live here itself as a permanent live in staff of the wellness center.
You were accustomed to seeing patients coming in for various disorders, most were delusional at worst or suffered from some sort of dysphoria. However, the patients at the King's Landing Wellness Center were not usually considered dangerous and you had never felt threatened by any one of them except a few women who lashed out at you and pushed you around last year. But with time, you had learned to provide them with the care and attention they needed instead of judging them for the outburst.
“Are you listening y/n?” You snapped back to reality as Mona called your name and gathered your cleaning cart to go fix room 393, there was this girl that had just gotten released from the facility, Tanya, she was a shy, quiet girl in her mid twenties with a debilitating case of multiple personality disorder.
You mostly kept to yourself at the facility as you didn't want to get involved or too overly attached with the patients.
The moment you took the mattress off to deep clean the bed, you discovered a piece of paper underneath. Curiosity got the better of you, and you decided to open it. Once you saw the writing on the paper, a feeling of unease coursed through your body, the words seemed almost ominous
“They are going to hurt me. I know, I'll never get out of here, if you find this please make sure to check up on me please”
You sighed before you folded the paper and placed it inside your apron quickly before it would get lost. What did she mean you wondered? The centre was under the supervision of three doctors. Doctor Vis was a man in his early forties and he was the most feared of all three because of his unorthodox methods of treatment but the other two doctors, Lisa and Darren seemed more approachable.
As you made your way out of room 393, you saw Doctor Vis standing in the hallway, having a conversation with another man. The other man stood with his back against the wall while Doctor Vis stood uncomfortably close to him, he was handcuffed so you assumed that he was being aggressive in his therapy session, as you walked past them you looked at the man briefly and normally you'd have looked away but this time you couldn't for some reason, he had a shiny silver hair that you had never really seen on a man before and it caught your eye immediately. The uniform he had on wasn't a surprise as it was a dress code for the patients, a white shirt and same coloured trousers.
His eyes met yours briefly and he smirked so you looked away immediately ,
“You didn't tell me you hired such beautiful chicks around here to be your servant-” Daemon had barely finished his sentence before Vis grabbed his collar to warn him. Vis looked as you walked past them and turned to make left into the hallway, disappearing out of their sight.
“Don't make this more difficult than it already is you moron”
Dr. Vis escorted Daemon into the room where he was immediately uncuffed. With the doctor now gone, Daemon let out an angry roar before throwing the chair into the room's window, shattering it into pieces.
“New guy is here” you mumbled as you reached the canteen. The rest of the staff members, including those from the pantry and cleaning services, were already gathered at the table. Shyla, who was the same age as you approached you. But in contrast to you, Shyla appeared to have a backup plan in mind after her tenure here.
“Oh god have you guys seen him, he's really hotttt in a really weird way”
You gulped as she said that, she always lived on the edge, it was unprofessional and unethical to talk about patients this way. Besides, he wasn't hot at all.
“Cut out with the heart eyes girl he must be a cuckoo to be here”
Another woman, Dina , intervened as she whispered very quietly, you didn't appreciate her language but then she wasn't wrong, sane people didn't come here.
“Hey y/n, new patient broke the window in 393, clean it up”
Mona suddenly entered the canteen so you sighed but then you were left feeling confused.
“How did he break it? Those windows are supposed to be unbreakable” you asked her curiously as the windows in the patient's room were specifically designed to withstand extreme conditions and were built to be unbreakable for security reasons.
“Don't question what's and how's, do your job girl” she glared at you so you picked up your cleaning cart again.
As you entered room 393, you spotted the new patient on the bed, seemingly engrossed in a book. Your brow furrowed as you took in the sight of the debris of shattered glass scattered around the room. Quickly, you grabbed a broom and began the cleaning process, starting from the corners to ensure that you picked up every last shard. As you swept, you couldn't help but feel puzzled as to how the window was broken in the first place,
“You shouldn't be doing such things, they are not afraid of sending violent patients to the lone ward” you mumbled so he looked up from his book and then glanced at you from top to bottom before he let out a snicker.
“Awnnn do you get paid to offer advice around here or cleaning is your only area of expertise?”
You glared at him as he said that but you remained calm, you couldn't raise your voice with patients even though you had been wanting to do it for a long while now.
“Sir im just-” you cringed internally as you addressed him as sir, it wasn't a norm but then you didn't really know his name yet. He had changed out of his uniform so you couldn't even read the name tag.
“Do your fucking job girl and get out”
You cut back on your words as he spoke rudely to you, perhaps he was admitted for extreme anger issues, whatever it was you just wanted to get out and not see him at least for a day.
You missed Tanya, she was a sweet girl, and you hadn't forgotten the note you had found under her bed this morning but then she wasn't exactly stable in her mind, people often scribbled down their most intrusive thoughts in their free time, and there was abundance of that around here. Besides you had bid her goodbye, she had hugged you warmly and she seemed happier for once.
During the lunch service you saw his smug face again as he sat down in the corner of the cafeteria, his eyes met with yours and he gave you a small smile but you didn't return it. Though you didn't want to take his words personally, he was dealing with something and that's why he was here.
“Mrs Rodriguez, are you finished with your food?” You asked the elderly lady so she snapped out of her thoughts and nodded but as you raised your hand forward to pick up her plate she grabbed your hand,
“Simon thinks i should eat less” she mumbled almost fearfully and your heart clenched for her, Simon was merely a figment of her imagination.
“Well he's wrong because you are eating as much as you should” she let go of your hand and smiled as you said that to her. When you reached around his table you noticed that he hadn't even touched his food,
“Are you going to eat sir? Your half an hour is almost over” you asked him so he chuckled. New patients in the center had strict rules and regulations to follow during the beginning of their treatment.
“Who should I be asking around here for a smoke?” He asked you and your brows furrowed.
“That's not allowed, i will help you with a nicotine patch if you're feeling restless -” he rolled his eyes as you said that.
“I don't need that shit” he grumbled under his breath so you looked at the time. Looking at him you couldn't really tell what actually was wrong with him, well besides the anger issues obviously, he seemed almost normal, almost self aware which really wasn't usual around this place.
“Please finish your food, dinner service is around 8 and a man of your size won't get any nutrition from the snacks we offer during tea time” you spoke a bit sternly and the corner of his mouth curved into a small smile.
“What's your name y/n?” He asked you so you looked at him baffled, he clearly read your name on the badge and he said it as well.
“I don't know your name either” you mumbled politely so he gave you a smile
“Daemon”
“Have an easy day Mr. Daemon, first few days are always difficult” you ultimately grabbed his plate as you left because he didn't seem to be in any mood to eat at the time.
Around evening as you finished your shift you made your way to your room at the fourth floor to take a shower and relax a bit. You took out the note you had found under Tanya's bed and placed it inside your cupboard safely, a part of you continued to feel uneasy about this thing, another was thinking about Daemon.
Why was he there? What had he done? You were not allowed to enquire about these things unless or until you were told the information by the authorities.
Daemon couldn't really sleep at night, how could he? He was locked up in here and was being treated as if he was crazy but he knew what he was and he wasn't delusional about it either. Even as sleep came for him he had a horrible nightmare that had him tossing and turning in his bed again so he woke up and stepped out of his room quietly as the room was starting to suffocate him. That's when he found the window at the end of the corridor and that was all he needed.
Around 2 at night, you were enjoying a peaceful moment to yourself on the terrace of the building, taking a break with a cigarette. As you were absorbed in your own thoughts, you heard a loud thud sound from behind you. Startled, you jumped and quickly turned around, only to find the new patient, Daemon, standing there. You couldn't believe how he had gotten there, he didn't have the key to the door and you clearly remembered locking it when you had gotten in. The terrace was strictly off-limits to patients for obvious reasons.
“What..are you doing here, you can't be here mister” you almost sounded frantic and kind of scared to be honest. And why didn't he have a shirt on? It was freaking cold out here. And why was he so freaking ripped?
“Hooking me up with a bloody nicotine patch when you got this sweet thing right here?” he asked you as he approached you so you took a few steps behind you until you had hit the ledge. You quickly threw the cigarette butt on the ground and crushed it under your flip flops before he could attempt to steal it from you.
“Now that's a waste of a good cigarette” he almost seemed offended with his brows furrowed and scowl on his face.
“Look, don't come near me alright?” You warned him so he crossed his arms and stepped closer to you despite your warning.
“I'm not going to harm you, I can, don't get me wrong.. but I won't”
Was that supposed to make you feel better?
“Please come with me, let me take you to your room .. please”
As he heard your gentle voice his teeth gritted together. “Please just listen to me ..it's only best for you” You brought your arm forward to grab his forearm but you flinched away as soon as you had touched his skin.
“Are you sick? You're burning like a furnace” You asked him worriedly so he scratched his scalp before he looked around and took a deep breath “And how did you get here?”
“I'm not sick, do I look sick to you?” He asked you so you shook your head but that was pointless, if he was a regular smoker, perhaps he was feeling the withdrawal.
“Just one puff, I'll be indebted to you forever darling, please, what do you want me to do beg? I can beg on my knees .You want that?..”
“Ohhh shut up for god's sake -” You cut him off mid sentence as he started to ramble but the stupid smirk on his face was still there. “I'll lose my job Daemon -”
“Nobody will know”
“I can't do it.. please understand please..”
He sighed and the pleading look on your face made him willing to listen to you ultimately.
How did he even come up here? You had come via the main entrance and it was locked from inside. As you escorted him back to his room, you mumbled a quick good night but he suddenly grabbed you by the shoulders and pushed you against the door, your heart was right into your mouth at the moment for several different reasons, you had been pushed over by several women at the facility but never a man, especially not a man like him who seemed so strong and so unstable. If worse comes to worse you knew you wouldn't be able to defend yourself.
“Daemon let go of me” you mumbled sternly but his hands were on your upper arms, holding you tightly still. He wasn't hurting you, not yet at least.
“Shhhhh shhh shhhh” as he whispered in your ear you were going to scream but nothing came out of your throat, not even a squeak, you feared that he was going to touch you inappropriately, if this wasn't inappropriate as it was, but then he placed his nose on the crook of your neck and took a sniff. Like a wild animal he sniffed you, literally.
One sniff, two sniff, and then one two three at once, you couldn't help but wonder why you weren't feeling as uncomfortable as you should have in a similar situation.
“What are you doing?” You asked him gently to not aggregate him so he looked you right in the eyes before he cupped your cheeks and stared at your lips, his nose rubbed slightly against yours before he closed his eyes, grunted a little and finally stepped away from you. His chest was heaving from breathlessness, same as yours as you both stared at each other for a moment. What the hell was that?
“Get out lady”
He mumbled so you immediately got the fuck out of there, you were looking behind every step of the way to see if he was following you but he wasn't. At the end of the corridor you stopped as suddenly, your feet came in contact with a piece of fabric on the floor, and when you bent down to investigate, you realized it was Daemon's shirt but it was completely shredded in several pieces - the same shirt he had worn this evening.
The realization left you feeling even more puzzled and disoriented. How had he managed to enter the terrace when it was locked from the outside. It seemed impossible. It was impossible. Or perhaps there was another way? Or maybe you were going crazy yourself? Now that was possible.
As your head hit your pillow you ran your fingers over your neck, right where he was sniffing, he seemed so...so primal in that moment, so animalistic, if that was the right choice of word. Did you atleast smell good? God you hoped so. Or not. He was a patient, you had to keep that in mind, he had issues.
The next morning while Daemon was away for his therapy session with the doctors you decided to clean up his room, he had left you feeling a bit unnerved last night with his strange behavior but you weren't really scared of him and then you wondered why you weren't scared of him after what he had done.
The iron bars on his window were the first thing you had noticed as you had entered the room. As you heard loud footsteps approaching the room you quickly collected your stuff to prepare to leave.
As Dr. Vis entered with Daemon he looked at you and spoke politely “Will you please step out ?” Vis asked you so you nodded immediately.
“Yes doctor, I'm almost done” you grabbed your cart and walked past them, your eyes met with Daemon and he seemed angry, but also really sad? His eyes were read and teary, such a contrast from his snarky demeanor yesterday.
As the door slammed shut, you found yourself in a state of morbid curiosity. So instead of minding your own business as you should have, you pressed your ear against the door instead, hoping to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside. Why did he look so sad?
“You had promised you wouldn't start with the absurdity right off the bat” Dr. Vis yelled at Daemon and that bothered you. Why was he yelling at a patient like this on his second day?
“Absurdity? You think me speaking of my true self is absurd?” Daemon asked the doctor and you didn't understand what was happening, what was he suffering from?
Dazed and confused as you reached the staff area Shyla walked around the table with a smirk on her face so you finally gave in.
“What?”
As you asked her she slammed her hands on the table in a dramatic manner.
“I found out why the new guy is here”
You weren't the one to gossip but you really wanted to know why Daemon was there? Why was he here? What was hurting him?
“How did you find out?” You asked her to seem disinterested as you didn't want to make your interest apparent.
“I have my source girl” she patted herself on shoulders so you crossed your arms together.
“Uhuh and what did your source tell you?”
“Well you're not ready for this-"
“Just spill it already” you chuckled as you spoke but the way she was stalling had only gotten you more curious.
“He thinks..now listen to this..he thinks he's a dragon” she mumbled excitedly so you stared at her all perplexed.
“What?”
“The new guy believes that he's a human dragon hybrid or something like that.. unbelievable right?”
Oh well!! That was a big problem huh.
👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
#daemon targaryen x female reader#daemon targaryen x reader fluff#daemon targaryen#daemon targaryen x reader smut#daemon targaryen x reader angst#modern day au#non canon au
58 notes
·
View notes
Text
Also wonderful touch on the whole Soul merging as one thing that happened is that when first dealing with and battling "yourself" the previous version of your character of course appears as the default character sprites, as it's how they died as and what got resurrected to start the story. And it will vastly differ to your own version of yourself (if you hadn't changed back to your default after chapter 9, at least)
But when confronting the Puppet Master, after you beat them once, they appear as your what you actually look like now before merging their souls with your own. To me that feels like a small way to signify how while technically different people, that old version of them has fully accepted the MC as they are and the groups acceptance on being one as the Interceptor.
Also I feel that it also solidifies the MC into actually looking like they do permanently. Rather then being the mess being the schmorgishborg of souls causing the MC to look different to every individual.
#idk if that makes sense to anyone but me#but like i do feel that whole event does give Aevia/the MC some solace in who they are#because at least by my own HCs prior to this piint due to the scattered memories and odd information regarding her#Aevia was entirely unsure of who she was due to all the scattered memories and the falsified memories being all but gone#and the whole event of becoming one with the other 6 souls and finally solidifying themselves probably did wonders on their mental health#lemon rambles#pokemon#pokemon rejuvenation#pokemon rejuvenation spoilers
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
How do you explain to your mom that you can struggle with mental health even tho she has it worse than you, but like, without actually explaining it to her
#communication on those subject are impossible#but she makes me feek like a failure every time#because she did and still do so much even with her issues#while im just going day by day with mine#and everytime i know how it's going to end#and yet evertime it fucking hurts#let me tired and depressed please#acknowledge it#tbh this is the kind of thing that makes me wonder if i should do something drastic for it to be acknowledged#anyway back to feeling soery for myself#mental health#La minute Camille
1 note
·
View note
Text
It's really fucking annoying how much a good nights rest and exercising again is really helping my mental health
#before i moved i worked out for 30 min every weekday and for an hour on Saturday#it was easy cuz my mom set up her gym stuff in the basement#my apartment doesn't have a gym in the basement cuz I'm not in a complex#but moving out did such wonders for my stress that i wasn't super concerned about not working out as consistently#then late January/early February happened and did some reason my mental health took a nosedive for like 3 weeks#absolutely insane how much better i felt after taking some some benadryl to sleep for 11 hours after only getting ~5 for weeks#and then i had energy to work out in the morning again!#it's only been 5 days but holy shit is crazy how much better i feel#still have an anxiety disorder but it's so much more manageable#I'm not spiraling over everything everyday. it's just the usual amount of anxiety
0 notes
Text
reading posts abt how fandom treats women characters is making me reaaallly wanna write a longpost abt poppy bc there is no dimwood fandom and she's one of my favorite characters of all time and she fucking deserves it
#she's so many wonderful things#she's emotional and sweet and poetic#but also badass and smart and thrill-seeking#her entire series is about falling in love with life in multiple ways#also she's fat!!!#and the book describes her as very pretty !!#I can tell you that the description 'gracefully plump' did wonders for my mental health & self image#I fucking love poppy so much why does nobody talk abt her#I know I'm not the only one that read these books as a kid
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
stanleysports
Manager of Chinese inline skating factory
noeldeswild
Noel Deswild
sarahlib
sarahlib
spicebabies-blog
Spice Babies - The Next Generation of Spice
varietycannedmeats
What Year Is It??