— 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬.
diluc is hopeless with grocery shopping. luckily, a kind stranger is more than willing to step in and help.
✦ info: diluc has no idea what he's doing and neither does the author, modern au, strangers to lovers kinda, possibility of ooc-ness, grammar mistakes may be present, there is absolutely no logic here, 2k+ words.
✦ warnings: none.
✦ notes: well, it's this fic again! thought i'd repost it because i'm in the middle of working on a sequel. though with my time management please don't expect it to be posted anytime soon lmao (and don't worry! i still have the original taglist saved.)
would it be far fetched to call grocery shopping an art? and to call one able to navigate the labyrinthine aisles efficiently nothing short of a master?
perhaps it would be.
though, if it was an art, you'd be but a mediocre artist. not horribly unskilled, but no one would be in awe of your nonexistent prowess at brandishing coupons at cash registers.
you shake your thoughts away. what are you thinking? who made you so eloquent in the middle of aisle seven? you ask yourself, gaze scanning the various items on the shelves. focus on your groceries, dummy.
okay, let's see, now. you stop in the middle of the condiments aisle, recollecting the items you need. ah yes, ketchup and mayo. hmm, where would they be?
aha! you see two familiar bottles on the second shelf, and you carefully place them in your cart. a glass jar with a green label and a red lid catches your eye. chili paste? you consider your potential purchase. eh, i'll get it. it's on sale.
now, let's get some rice.
you round the corner to get to the grain aisle when you see a man, clad in a brown coat and incredibly polished shoes, with hair so red you'd think his head was on fire, just. glaring. at a bag of rice. you sneak a glance at him, wondering if the rice had wronged him in some manner.
deciding to ignore him, you pick up a five kilogram bag, then heave it into your trolley. and as you prepare to push it with the extra weight, you spy the man picking up the exact same bag, brand, weight and all. huh.
thinking nothing of it, you continue on your merry way, hoping to get your shopping done as quickly as possible, assuming that it'd be the last you'd ever see of the man.
but it appears fate had other plans. you spot him once again in the canned foods aisle, glaring at another innocent, harmless grocery item. the victim this time, you ask? a can of baked beans.
you throw another sideways look at him, lightly tapping the pads of your fingers against the handles of your trolley. who even is this guy? you silently watch as he picks up the same brand you've put in your cart moments before. ah, he was probably just confused.
however, you’re still a little concerned about the man. does a grown man truly not know what he's doing in a grocery store? you scan the shelves for a random item, and your eyes land on a can of baby food. a light bulb goes off in your head, and you decide to test something. quickly, you grab two of them.
you open your mouth the second after he moves to get the same thing. “can i help you, sir?” he freezes at the sound of your voice, hand halfway between his body and the shelf with the exact thing you just picked up, baby food in hand. you raise an eyebrow, "are you aware of what you're buying?"
he sheepishly rakes his hand through his hair and shakes his head. "i'm afraid i'm not." he clears his throat, color beginning to creep up his neck.
you grin at him. “check the label on the can.” you watch as this giant of a man turns the can around, and slowly turns into a human stop sign with the way his face blazes. you know you probably shouldn’t find the sight of the man with such an intimidating expression turning to a flustered mess so adorable.
“my apologies,” he clears his throat again, then rubs the back of his neck, eyes averted. “i’ve never been shopping before.” he sets the can back, refusing to meet your eyes.
“oh, don't tell me.” you tease, lightheartedly. “is it a case of a rich boy living on his own for the first time, without anyone to do things for him?”
the look on his face answers for him. his eyebrows nearly climb to his hairline, and he blinks. you laugh, incredibly surprised at your assumption being true. “in that case, let me help.” you hold out your hand, taking pity on the man. “do you have a list?”
he fishes out a hastily scribbled list from the depths of one of his coat pockets that simply says bread, milk.
sigh. “it seems i have my work cut out for me.” you take a gander at the items in his cart and spot the rice, the beans, along with three varieties of bread and a two liter bottle of milk. well, at least he got the items on his list.
you pick up the bottle, skimming over the other details to find the production and expiry dates. “just out of curiosity, did you check the dates on the milk?”
he slowly shakes his head. “i figured as much.” you gesture to the numbers, and motion for him to take a look. “this expires in two days. i doubt you’ll be able to finish the whole thing by then, so you should probably find a bottle with a more recent production date.”
—
if there ever was a god of grocery shopping, diluc ragnvindr would be the bane of his existence.
why were these stupid stores so confusing? why were there so many brands of everything? why in the hell were there so many types of oranges? and these trolleys, good lord. just why were they so difficult to maneuver?
all the aisles blend into each other, and all diluc can do is stare emptily at each product he finds, unable to make a decision.
he'd have better luck finding his way around if he was randomly dropped in a venetian calle.
diluc has no idea what he's doing— in the store, at home, even in life.
living on his own for the first time since his dad passed away, in an apartment much tinier than the lavish mansion he was used to, struggling to keep his head above water, the young ragnvindr only knew ingredients once they'd been taken home and properly organized in containers and shelves.
he'd rather the world not see him fumbling, though. so he decides to do the only logical thing one can do in his situation. he picks a person and does exactly what they do.
after all, when one is in rome, do they not do as the romans do?
in hindsight, he should've just researched online. he should have decided his purchases earlier. or ordered the damn groceries online. because then he'd be able to avoid the embarrassment of being tricked with a can of baby food.
baby food, of all things! why couldn't it be something a little more dignified?
he watches you quickly replace the offending item on the shelves and push your cart in another direction before he could react. “come on, then. off to the dairy section we go.”
not wanting to be left behind in this headache inducing location, he hurriedly pushes his trolley too in an attempt to keep up with you. kaeya would never let me live that down, he thinks as he does.
with a pang, he shoves down the memory of his brother as far and as deep as he can, choosing to focus on the present, lest he end up in another spiral.
you lead him to milk he was supposed to get, and he watches you carefully as you examine the dates on the bottles for him. moments later, you beckon him close with a curl of your palm. leaning slightly, he peers over your shoulder.
“always try to get the one most recently produced,” you tell him, and he nods. he follows the movement of your finger tapping your chin, clearly pondering. his gaze travels a bit higher, and as he sees your lips move, he realizes that he completely missed what you were saying.
“pardon?” he stumbles ungracefully on the initial sound.
“what's your favorite fruit?” you repeat. “that'll be first on our list on what to get for you.”
his favorite fruit? he didn't think he had one. “peaches,” he blurts, finding himself unwilling to disappoint you with his lack of proper response, his eyes falling on a peach milkshake drink.
his ears note your change in tone, voice turning excited. “oh, they're one of my favorites too!” warmth engulfs his gloved hand and he finds himself being dragged to the produce section.
“what about the trolleys?” he asks, mind still reeling from the sudden hand grabbing on your part.
you wave off his concerns. “oh, they'll be fine parked to the side.” you all but drag him to the peach display. “now, pay close attention, okay?”
as if he needed you to tell him that. “i'm listening,” he says.
you pick up a peach with bruising. “when you're sorting through peaches, look for the ones with no blemishes. they don't spoil as fast. same with apples and pears and such.” now this, he knew. but he still nods along, a picture-perfect student. he sees your eyes and wonders how anyone's could be so gorgeous.
later, he dutifully nods a little more as you explain the specifics of choosing potatoes.
“the potatoes should be firm, and there should be no signs of green,”
should he be taking notes? he stamps the involuntary urge to hunt for a notepad in one of his pockets down, deciding he did not want to embarrass himself any more in front of you.
you seemed to glow even under the unflattering light around you, hair lit by it as you tell him about how to look for the right cauliflowers and broccoli.
how could someone look so ethereal while standing next to onions?
diluc ragnvindr. get. a. grip. they're only talking about vegetables.
you ask him to tell you the price of the eggs while you sort through carrots for both him and yourself. he walks over a couple of yards, carefully examines the label and returns to report the number.
“that much?!” you eyes widen. “my goodness, that should be considered robbery!”
...was it? he thought it was a reasonable price for a carton of eggs. still, he blindly agrees. you smile, having caught on to the fact that he had no idea what the price should be, and he can't help the pride that spreads its wings in his heart. (though he probably shouldn't be, considering why you smiled, he was glad that he was the cause of it.)
the rest of the shopping goes in a similar manner. you tell him things. he nods, he observes another one of your features, then notes down whatever you tell him mentally.
by the time you reach check out, both of your trolleys are filled with the exact same items in the exact same quantities. except for two items in his cart that he reached for out of instinct when he saw them on the shelf: a chocolate his brother liked, and a snack his father used to eat often.
he contemplates leaving them behind, but decides against it at the last minute just before the cashier scans them.
he sees you reach into your pockets for a wallet, and sees an opportunity to repay you for your help.
he's quick to pull out his own and hands his card to the cashier before you can say a word.
“i insist,” he says, when you protest. “it is only fair i do this in return for you helping me,”
you sigh, giving him another one of the smiles he had started to adore. “alright, thank you.”
the two of you walk outside the store together. cool wind ruffles both of your hair. “well, i guess this is where we part ways,” you say with a laugh and a wave. he manages a soft smile in return.
“farewell, then.” he watches you walk away, still standing at the entrance, shopping bags in hand. "dammit." he curses under his breath.
he'd forgotten to ask for your name.
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Paint Night Headcanons
Anyone can add on with any character, "duplicates" absolutely welcome. Want to pass around a prompt?
Basic Prompt: "Paint Night" or "Paint and Sip" with the Obey Me Characters! MCs and OCs are welcome, but limit or exclude any romance and ship/self-ship elements please!
Barbatos: If he is in charge of it that is guaranteed to be the Devildom equivalent of the Sistine Chapel quality. He favors realism and hyper-realism, subconscious horror or otherwise unsettling elements are unintentionally included.
Diavolo will do anything he possibly can in order to own Barbatos's paintings of Lucifer or MC to keep in his personal art gallery though. Sometimes he wins, most often he loses.
This got long lmao!
Who Barbatos loves to pair up with:
Diavolo: Everything the Young Master makes is precious to him and he praises him highly. He has an area dedicated to Diavolo's artwork spanning from his youth to his most recent boredom doodle cataloged like a museum. He allows Mephistopheles to tour the "Gallery of Lord Diavolo" in both journalist context or just for leisure. It makes Mephisto so emotional every time which pleases Barbatos greatly and he has gifted pieces to Mephistopheles as thank yous and hush money. He lets MC see "exclusive" artwork though.
MC: He additionally brags and rubs anyone's nose in it that it's his and not theirs ^_^ He has positive feedback, praise and compliments for MC's artwork no matter if it's a stick figure, a "Bold and Brash" or Fine Art. He has a soft spot for sincerity and soulfulness, but he is not opposed to tongue-in-cheek or intentionally bad artwork as long as it's for fun. If MC does him dirty in a mean-spirited way he gets >:( and withholds treats from them as punishment.
Luke: Because Luke is very serious about his quality and technical skills, but it's an adorable trait. Barbatos loves seeing everything he makes in his style is too. Luke is always blown away by Barbatos's skill so he enjoys that it inspires and flatters Luke. He encourages Luke like he does in baking and buys him coloring + sticker books and sketchbooks with cute covers. (This section can apply to MC too if your MC enjoys this)
Who he hates to pair up with:
Beel and Belphie: Everyone hates to get paired with them, there's no way to candy coat that fact. But Barbatos still finds Beel's endearing and the inclusion of food and the personality that both twins imbue in their artwork is cute to him. He was absolutely appalled that the wilted asparagus that Belphegor made was meant to be him.......
Solomon: OM!Barbatos enjoys painting Solomon and they have fun together often challenging one another to use inspiration from artists they are less familiar with. NB!Barbatos resents getting paired with Solomon for obvious reasons, but because Solomon is a good painter who isn't interested in creative interpretation unlike with his "food" he doesn't get insulted by his art as much. Barbatos takes everything he does seriously so he would not create something foul, insulting or mediocre, but NB!Barbatos uses the entire evening to stare at Solomon like he's a wretched insect, or makes Solomon self-conscious from his judgmental glaring and passive aggressive attitude about having Solomon as his subject. Solomon drinks a lot more when it's with NB!Barb...
Asmodeus: He dislikes Asmo-chan as a partner because Asmo will nitpick, criticize and make suggestions even though it's the closest to perfection that can be made. That HURTS HIS SENSITIVE ARTISTIC FEELINGS. Because Asmo likes to add sex appeal in his artwork it's disconcerting, but he appreciates Asmo's glamorous and aesthetic art style. Asmo's focus on beauty means that he'll never make an unflattering image. Asmo gives him big sparkly eyes which amuses Barbatos endlessly.
Leviathan is always a ??? because while Barbatos appreciates his skill, imagination, range and attention to detail it depends completely on what Levi's favorite anime or manga is at the time. He has been stylized in everything from Moe to Anthropomorphic and Mecha, he is often drawn in cosplay. Barbatos adds special things to Levi's pictures by putting stylized Ruri-chan or other characters in with him because he likes to watch him cry his eyes out
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spins in a swivel chair
HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT I HAVE A REVIEW RANT THIBG!! YK THISE THINGS I DO EVERY BLUE MOON ON SOMETHING OTHER THAN HELLUVA BOSS? YEAH! WE ARE DOING THAT?
ABOUT WHAT EXACTLY??
YUP! THIS HORRIBLE WEBTOON. I won't be talking about the creator controversy
Look I couldn't even get past the first few episodes. I had to watch summary videos that's how much I hated it.
So!!
Yeah
So using what I've learned ima. Review it.
Story first!
So it's a romance (WHY) between Nelle and of course Jeff the murderer- sorry killer. Anyway. Nelle at the beginning attempts to get a job at Arkham asylum, but isn't allowed to due to not having any experience. Nelle why is this the first thing you tried to do after getting a degree- you could be a therapist. (Wait she was a child therapis?? Oh) anyway. Nelle runs into Jeff and. Nelle gives the obvious psychopath a ride to HER home. WHAT??
Shit happened and Jeff ends up living with Nelle, and ig. They start falling in love?
Yeah.
This is written like a fanfic. You know what it reminds me of?? IT REMINDS ME OF STOLITZ!!
Which brings me to the next point
The writing/dialogue
Everything feels uncomfortable and stiff. It also feels really robotic- it's just. Not good.
Jeff is really creepy. I mean yeah he's a murderer but he calls Nelle 'kid' with the sexual tension going on and it feels weird. WHY KID. God Jeff also gives off that 'alpha male' dude vibe it was just. I'm crying. BUT THE SHOW MUSt GO ON!!
This webtoon and it's characters feel so soulless and Nelle is so obviously this adorkable self OC god.
Next part.
The art.
AUHHJJ- ITS ACTUALLY TERRIBLE- MEDIOCRE AT BEST
It looks like Vivziepop art, but at least her newer art is consistent
This also has ZERO artistic growth!!
Now I'm a young artist, and I don't normally hate on other's art but this??? It's so Incredibly painful, and it doesn't even feel like it's trying to be good
Liker here are a few panels that I read that were really inconsistent
As well as some Google images.
God
Anyway rant over
Do you friends, have some shitty canvas webtoon you want me to review?? TELL ME!! I'll probably do it lmao.
Ig I'll call this series 'Bargain comics' because it's a bargain if I will be traumatized for the rest of my days
Anyway, I'm Dotty, and I wanna die
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