do you know what its like being so absolutely crushed by everything but everyone around you is doing 10x more? And better? to have to constantly try to make yourself more marketable for a job or grad school? I just can't keep up I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to be left behind

My mental health can't possibly good if an essay on the found family trope gives me such an indescribable feeling of hollowness and yearning

Can you talk a little bit about how you became a paleontologist? (like school and stuff).

I went to college wanting to major in paleontology and everybody told me I could major in geology but that being a paleontologist just really wasn't possible.

I did major in geology/archaeology combo major (offered at my college, it's actually a BA, not a BS, which was disappointing), but it's not paleontology and i've been out of school for a awhile and i'm just really discouraged.

ugh welcome to my life. the reason my story is complicated is because of crap like that.

so, I'm going to get very, very, very real here. that means I'm going to reveal some personal details about myself. I'm okay with it. I want to share this. Content Warnings for Parental Abuse, Mental Illness, Physical Disability, and Trauma. Phew. Here we go.

first thing we have to acknowledge: I grew up poor. my mom was a stay at home mom because of mental illness (majorly agoraphobic and huge social anxiety, plus largely untreated OCD). my dad rarely held on a job for very long because of severe untreated ADHD. my parents' primary concern, at all times, was that their six kids (my mom loves kids) would have gainful, steady employment. they are communists, and it was always about how we can't help others effectively if we're not secure in the rest of our lives.

I wanted to be a paleontologist from the moment I could have such a want. But my parents never, never, thought that was a good idea. They wanted me to be a scientist, because they could see my potential, but they didn't think being a paleontologist was a safe career. And, to be fair, they had a point. But I didn't want to be anything else. In fact, the very idea would make me start sobbing. So while I was little, they didn't really do anything about it. Occasionally they planted seeds of "you might not be a paleontologist", but it never went well.

fast forward to me going to college. now they were serious. we were constantly fighting over whether I should be a paleontologist or a medical researcher (MDPhD. you know, the insane degree that insane people get.) (I'm insane, but not that way). because they were paying for, well, some of it (I got a lot of scholarships, b''h), and I was in general dependant on them like most college students are, they picked my classes. I was forced to major in biology (though I probably would have picked that anyway), and I never took any geology classes (well, I took half of one, but had to drop it because of my stupid premed classes).

I got to do paleontology research, but it was kind of in secret - I technically had two different research jobs, one in evolutionary biology, one in paleontology. I took tons of medical related classes, and was forced to take the MCAT twice. I wasn't good at it. Memorizing things isn't my forte, I'm much better at problem solving and finding/evaluating information. I also just wasn't interested in it - I can remember countless dinosaur genera, but ask me to remember really specific medical details and my mind draws a blank.

I did not do well on the MCAT, but I was still forced to apply to MDPhD programs. I also applied to evolutionary biology and paleontology PhD programs on my own. But paleontology is extremely competitive, and I didn't hear back from any of those. I also didn't get anywhere with any of those medical programs. In fact, I ended up getting accepted to a grad program for evolutionary developmental biology, because that was the only thing that had an opening. Rather than go home and be forced to apply to medical school again, I took the out.

I was miserable. But I tried to convince myself it was better this way. That I would have gainful employment, and be able to do science. Meanwhile, I was running this blog, building a community, and constantly thinking about paleontology instead of my actual thesis. Even though paleontology doesn't require field work, I'd convinced myself I could never do it because field work is inaccessible to me - I have had chronically dislocated knees since I was 16, and a few different physical conditions that make me exceptionally heat sensitive. I couldn't do field work, so I couldn't be a paleontologist. I also am fat, because of those disabilities, and there just aren't a lot of fat AFAB paleontologists, so I thought I wouldn't be able to get far for that reason.

But I couldn't finish that PhD. I didn't care enough about it, and I was constantly hitting roadblocks. I wanted the focus to be more evolution based, my advisor told me no. I wanted to pursue a specific question, my advisor advised against it. My wasps kept dying, and I didn't know why. I couldn't get my assays to work. My advisor was always focused on his other students and never me. It was a nightmare. All the while, my blog was exploding in popularity, and I was even going to paleontology conferences on my own dollar and networking there, presenting research about using the internet as an educational tool. And I felt at home. I was with *my people*.

Then the pandemic happened. I was already estranged from my parents for other reasons, that I'd rather not get into (no, it's not cause I'm queer). Everyone was frustrated with my lack of progress at my first program. My spouse, the infinite well of support that he is (url @plokool), gave me the push I needed to drop out with a master's degree (which I had earned at that point). I then was seriously considering becoming a rabbi, because I didn't think I could hack being a scientist at all after that experience.

But, everything felt wrong when I wasn't engaged with paleo. ADAD had gone on hiatus because my artists were persuing other opportunities (and I'm so proud of them!). I just felt empty and lost without paleontology in my life. So I went to the virtual SVP that was being held in 2020, since it was cheaper than usual and online.

And I met my current advisor. We clicked *right* away. We had the same questions about bird evolution and talked for hours. He encouraged me to apply, so I did - just for paleontology programs. I knew if I didn't do paleo, there wasn't a point. Nothing else would hold my interest enough for me to get a doctoral degree. I also talked to the wonderful friends I had made here on Palaeoblr, ones who were also actually pursuing paleo, and they promised me I could do it - that they believed in me. The one thing no one but my spouse had ever really indicated to me. It gave me the push I needed, and when I was accepted to this program, I took it. It also helped that I finally had working ADHD medication, for the first time in my life.

Even though it meant moving from Chicago - nice, at least sometimes chilly Chicago, my home for my whole life - to fucking southern new mexico. I am so hot. All the time now. My feet never return to their proper color. But it was worth the risk.

But I'm not doing field work! I've had to take a lot of remedial geology classes, but all my work has been computer and lab based. And I've done so much already! I've published a new bird, I've done excellent in my classes and teaching, and I'm currently compiling my own database of Paleogene bird fossils. Last year was a little rough because of trauma things, and the gd-damned adderall shortage, but I'm moving forward. I am hoping to go into museum work, because I love museums, and I believe in them and their ability to educate people (I also want to help the museum field decolonize itself, but that's a different discussion.) I've even made a design for an evolution of dinosaurs exhibit that my professor wants me to make into a real thing someday.

So... yeah. I became a paleontologist by being the world's most stubborn mother fucker alive. I decided I wanted to be as a kid, and I never could let it go, even when it would have been better for me to. But I'm glad I didn't, because now I'm here, and I'm doing well. When i can focus, at any rate. Because I'm only at peace when I'm around dinosaurs.

(P.S. I've even repaired my relationship with my parents, and they support me as a paleontologist now! just took 30 years for them to realize they couldn't fight me on this, I guess... or they're old and tired of fighting. one of the two.)

You know what? My meeting is boring and was moved to 100% online this morning, so y'all get my head canons on what the main 8 characters of Hetalia + Romano and Canada would be as grad students.

Mind you, I'm in a materials science and engineering, so I don't really have a connection to what soft science (like political science or history), medical, or humanities grad school is like (and those are all valid degrees)

America: Everyone in his life from when he was in middle school knew that he would end up becoming a doctor of some sort. Getting into a PhD program wasn't actually that hard for him and he probably came straight from his undergrad degree (skipping the masters). He never has imposter syndrome, but is kind and encouraging to others.

England: He knew he wanted to be a professor when he graduated, so he took on every teaching opportunity the school offered. Sure, his research might have suffered some, but by his last year he was teaching a class on his own.

Russia: Other students rarely ever see him in the labs or office. He attends all meeting virtually, so some of his lab mates don't even know what he looks like. However, he always has new data meetings.

China: New students believe that he is a professor when they join the department because he's been a graduate student for so long. The admission chair silently hates him for not leaving (and his advisor for not letting him graduate) because he has single handedly brought up the average years to graduation.

France: He is involved in the graduate student government and attends every outreach program that his department put together. Others aren't sure how he has time for this and his research and classes, but he makes due just fine.

Italy: Somehow, he always makes the most beautiful figures for his papers, posters, and presentations. The process involves using Adobe products that no one else understands, and everyone is always asking for his help making their key figures. He's also won some competitions for his figures.

Germany: He went to work in industry for a few years before going back to school. He is exceptionally good at leaving work at work and not working late into the night or for the entire weekend. He tries to encourage new students to go home sometimes and have a hobby.

Japan: He is somehow always in the labs or offices, but not always doing work. Other students question if he even has a home to go to, or if he just likes being at work. And despite always being at work, hardly anyone ever holds a conversation with him.

Canada: His name is under the dictionary definition of Imposter Syndrome. He studied hard to get into grad school, but often feels inferior to his peers. However, his advisor is always proud of him and his work.

Romano: He is always running late to meetings and time slots he booked on instruments. He's also late to turning in manuscripts for his advisors to revise. However, his work is usually of pretty good quality.

Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you want to see any other characters.

Ghoap College AU

Soap, who loves to read paranormal romance is convinced that his classmate, Ghost, is a vampire.

He only ever sees him when he's covered head to toe during the day. At night, Ghost works at a convenience store where Soap goes all the time to get late night study aids (energy drinks and candy bars). That's the only time he ever sees any skin from Ghost (who switches from a balaclava to a medical face mask when he's working per his boss's request).

Soap is always snacking, but he never sees Ghost eating, and after they've been friends for a bit, Ghost will drink around him, but it's usually from his own cup that has a straw to sip from under his mask.

The class they have together is taught by Price, and it's a gen ed that Ghost put off to his senior year (Soap is like a sophomore/junior).

Eventually Soap gets close enough to Ghost that he starts lifting his mask a bit so Soap's like "I'll keep your secret for you ;)" and Ghost is like ok??? bc he has no idea what Soap is talking about, but just let's him keep thinking whatever's in his head bc it's kinda funny.

They do get together, and when they're having sex, Soap tells Ghost he can bite him, and once again Ghost is like ok??? and just assumes it's a kink Soap has.

Soap does eventually learn that Ghost is not, in fact, a vampire, he's just a regular guy with sensory sensitivities. This conversation happens in front of their friends who then proceed to make fun of Soap (it eventually becomes a recurring joke that Soap thinks everyone is some kind of paranormal creature).

Additional notes:

Laswell is their academic advisor or maybe the chair of their department

Alejandro and Valeria are academic rivals fighting for the top spot in their department (they're both going for a very competitive grad school program)

Gaz is on the football (or soccer depending on where they're going to school) team with Soap.

He and Price have a will they/won't they thing that everyone has bets on (Price doesn't want to jeopardize Gaz's academic career, Gaz is like "We're not even in the same department???")

I may eventually write this once I'm further in with Called Home.

I got this idea thinking about the aesthetics of Soap and Ghost sitting on a curb at night lit by the neon lights from the convenience store.

Hii!

I'm an undergrad psych student that dreams to be where you are in the future (studying clinical psych)!

I'm striving to be a psychologist but I've heard how competitive it is. As someone who is in postgrad, I was wondering if you'd be okay giving some advice, what scores you had to get in ungrads and honours, what volunteering you maybe did and how postgrad life is!!

♡

Hey! It’s so awesome that you want to go into clinical psych!

I went to a pretty competitive university for undergrad and majored in Psychology with a minor in Disability studies. I ended up with a 3.8 major and overall GPA and graduated Magna Cum Laude. I worked as a FWS student on a clinical trial that focused on helping people with intellectual disabilities access mental health care as well as some odd jobs here and there. I also volunteered at my state department of mental health during the summers while I was home from school and with the National Counsel for Mental Wellbeing as a state captain for Hill Day.

I applied to a small college in my hometown for Postgrad because I wanted the small college feel and it is a really reputable program whose grads see a lot of success. I got in and I absolutely love it. The program has wonderful professors and they are really focused on graduating strong therapists. I will be a masters level Licensed Professional Counselor when I graduate in May 2025.

My advice for you is to find a place to volunteer at that will get you some good hours and face time with the right people. You don’t have to always be doing psychology related things with them. When I volunteered for DMH, I helped with their mental health conference and with Santa’s helpers which purchased presents for kids of patients at the center. I wasn’t always doing psychology stuff but I made some really strong connections and they wrote me excellent letters of recommendation. I wish I had gotten more acquainted with my professors in undergrad but it was hard because I went to such a large school. Find the people who value you and your work and they will give back by writing you glowing recommendations which go a long way in the application process. The more you volunteer and get experience, the more you’ll have to write about in your admissions essay, which I think carried me through the process.

Post grad is hard but it’s focused on what you love and is training you for your dream career. It’s worth every minute. Get as much experience as you can, clinical or not, so you make those connections and get to know people who have influence in different areas. Keep doing what you’re doing! We need people like you in our field! Hope this helps!

tomorrow is my first back to teaching and the day after is my first day back to my phd program. wednesday, in other words, is the first day of the second year of my program. i can't really fathom how quickly the time passed, how fast the summer came and went. last year was a mixed bag -- my first semester was something out of a dream, in some ways, but the second was a lot more turbulent. in the end, i suffered some real blows re: attempts at making friends and connections. i felt, in some ways, really chewed up and spit out, you know?

and i still don't know what to do about that now.

do i enter into my second year more guarded? do i dare be vulnerable at all? do i never offer a compliment or help or a kind word? do i just throw in the towel and accept that academia can often be a very isolating machine? maybe i should've never looked to classes as a place to potentially make friends. maybe i should just treat everyone the way i would treat a coworker: friendly enough, but careful to never bring my personal life into any of it. i mean, i worked nearly a decade in the library and less than ten people ever even learned that i was queer.

i haven't quite made up my mind yet. i was so excited around this time last year and now i'm nervous and kind of sad, to be honest, about the difference in headspace. a little down about having to sort of clip what comes naturally, like sharing a kind word when it strikes me or being a supportive classmate as best i can to anyone around me, and unsure if that's the right call to make in the first place. for the longest time, i wanted to live by the notion that this work -- being in a phd program or any kind of grad school -- isn't a competition, it isn't a solo race. we can push each other to the finish line. i want us all to win. but now . . . i don't know. i still don't want anyone to lose but maybe it was naive of me to think i was ever on a team in the first place.

do you enjoy being a violinist? im thinking of pursuing a music degree and yk, its always nice to hear from actual musicians

this is a long post so continued under the cut for the sake of everyone’s dash

heya!! it definitely has its pros and cons. self esteem and motivation is hard to maintain in any arts field, and you’ll feel it strongest when you’re in school surrounded by similarly skilled people. this is one thing i personally struggled with a lot 🥲 imposter syndrome/the feeling of being left behind is a lot to deal with, especially if you’re in a competitive program like i was. But! you also get to do tons of really cool things and play lots of beautiful music, and you’re surrounded by such amazing people who inspire you to become better. one of the things i miss most about the music program is having a group of people around me who had similar worries, goals, and skills. there’s nothing like serenading the music faculty headed to a meeting with an impromptu kazoo choir with your world music class……..

i would definitely recommend figuring out if/how much you enjoy teaching. it’s a given if you’re going for music ed, but most performance majors also end up with some form of private studio. that’s just kinda the way it goes in such a competitive field where professional performance opportunities are scarce. teaching is probably the most reliable path for most people, but it isn’t the only path!!

the last thing i would say (trying to keep it brief) is to make the most of the time you’re in school, try to meet lots of people, and take any opportunities you can. everyone’s experience is different based on their instrument and whether they’re performance or ed, but personally, i got to do lots of awesome stuff- traveling, accompanying world famous musicians, playing pit for operas and ballets, among other things :] i would also recommend making sure you get along with your private teacher, since you’ll be working very closely with them.

finally, being an outstanding musician is only half of the job; most performance opportunities (especially post graduation) come from people you’ve built a relationship with, so don’t be afraid to network and try out new things! right now i’m teaching students for a reliable income and accepting every gig offered to me, even if it’s out of my comfort zone. im pretty directionless right now, but the hope is someday i’ll come across something i really love, and that’s only possible if i keep doing random stuff.

i hope this helps!! let me know if you have any other questions or want me to elaborate more, and keep in mind this is from the perspective of a fresh college grad :] and remember you aren’t locked into anything!!! if music doesn’t work out that’s totally fine, and vice versa. U CAN DO IT I LOVE YOU!!

hi, i'd appreciate a little advice on this. as someone who is currently seeking a career in creative writing similar to yours, do you have any advice for those just starting out? i don't have much connections to my local industry and i don't really have a mentor that would help me with this.

if it helps, i am an undergrad (but soon to be fresh grad).

congrats on your soon to be graduation!

your best bet is going to be applying for cw MFA programs, which would offer both connections and mentorship. you're going to want to look for fully funded programs, which is to say, programs that cover your tuition and offer a monthly stipend in exchange for teaching composition or cw. don't apply anywhere you have to pay for. it's never worth it to go into debt, and moreover, paid programs are a nightmare mix of gross wealth and competition for what little funding there is.

but! if you're still in your early 20s, there's no harm at all in holding off on the MFA to work somewhere full-time for a while. i thought my 5-year gap between my undergrad degree and my grad degree made me a poor candidate for grad school but really that's what most people do. undergrad puts you through the ringer and there's no shame in recovering from academic burnout for a while. one good thing about a career in writing is that there's genuinely no hurry. the more life experience you can pick up, the more inspiration there is to draw from. so have fun, don't rush, live your life as close to the way you want to live it as possible.

the first and maybe hardest thing to accept about a career in writing is that you'll always have to split your attention. almost no one is a full-time creative writer. but the good news is that there are lots of jobs related to writing. you could go into publishing and be an editor or agent. once you get your MFA you can teach college courses or work in a writing center. or you can go into commercial copywriting or copyediting (that's where the big money is). it's hard to make enough money to live on just your creative work, but there's a ton of money in adjacent fields.

as far as pursuing publication, i would focus on short form. read short stories, write short stories, publish short stories. (or if you write nonfiction, focus on essays.) short form allows you to practice the complete drafting, revising, submitting, and publishing process in a safer and more contained space than novel publishing. once you go through the entire process over and over again, you gain the extremely valuable, extremely rare skill of knowing when something is finished. it's absolutely necessary to reach that feeling, that little click when you know something you've written is the best version of the thing it is and more edits will only turn it into something different, not better. getting to that point lends you confidence and security in your own work.

more specifically, i recommend writing one short story, max 4k words, the best work you're capable of. now you have a writing sample for applications and awards, and something to publish. getting a good sample ready will start opening doors for you.

while you're doing research on figuring out what lit mags to send to, keep an eye out for publications looking for slush readers. there is no experience more valuable than putting yourself on the other side of the submission window. you get a very rapid understanding of what editing really is, what kinds of stories are out there, and where your own work stands. you'll also gain some connections that way, and maybe some editorial mentorship. these positions aren't paid, but they also aren't a huge time commitment, and it's worth its weight in gold in helping you accept rejection. the rejections you receive hit different when you know how it feels to vote thumbs down on someone else's work.

if your goal is to eventually get an agent and then a book deal with a big publisher, know that the road there is a long one, and that's a good thing. i feel horrible for writers who debut at 25 to major acclaim. it may seem like a dream come true, but it's a curse. first of all, now that i'm in my 30s, i'm glad it's taken me this long to get where i am, because i'm confident enough in my work and i know what i'm doing well enough to push back on things like bad edits. i can, and have, turned down people interested in my work who didn't actually vibe with it. you want to hold out for the people who love your work for the same reasons you love it. it takes a long time to cultivate that kind of security, the belief that you and you alone know what's best for the story you're trying to tell. too many voices too early on can ruin something beautiful.

also, in literary fiction, the debut novel is a big deal. it might be in other genres too but specifically in literary fiction, a book deal isn't just a book deal. it's your introduction into the community. once you have a book out, you'll start getting ARCs for blurbs, requests for interviews, signings, juror requests, maybe even commission work from big magazines. so it's not just "oh i finished a novel time to publish it i guess." a debut is "this is the absolute best work i'm capable of, i know and have faith in what it's doing, i know my own unique style and aesthetics, i know where it belongs, and i'm ready to share it with others."

that might be hard to take in and i know i didn't listen at all when my mentors told me not to rush publishing. i put a lot of undue pressure on myself when i should have been focusing on craft, and i also queried agents when my first manuscript was only half-baked. i can't tell you how badly i regret that. i went out with my second manuscript instead, which was a bigger risk but i was far more confident in it, and which signed me an agent and got me on the desks of dozens of editors. one editor put a bid in but her publisher said no. so i ran a marathon only to get to the finish line and have to turn back. i started writing it in 2016; the last round of submissions was late 2021. five years, and it's still not published. and it may never be. but there will be other manuscripts, other editors, and other opportunities. and as time passes i only gain a sharper understanding of what i'm trying to get on the page.

meanwhile, there's plenty to do before big publication. put your work out there. apply for workshops, residencies, grants, awards. start building up your CV. keep writing and generating new work to build up your portfolio. keep an eye out for opportunities that come your way. just yesterday a residency reached out to me to ask me to be a juror on their application board and in exchange they're giving me a month-long stay at their place (i can't tell you how much i love residencies. pain in the ass to apply for but a godsend once you get in). you just never know what's going to open doors for you; a publication in a small magazine might net you award nominations, maybe even award wins. the more you put yourself out there, the more rejections you'll receive, yeah, but the acceptances can be huge. unfortunately that means it's hard to plan your future, but it also helps you develop faith in yourself knowing good things will come your way at some point, as long as you keep writing and sharing your work.

i'm a current law student and i didn't decide officially to go to law school until like a month before applications were due but i'm so happy i did! it's definitely a more competitive environment than what i've seen from other grad programs, but honestly i'm really enjoying it and highly recommend it if law is something you really want to do. i'm glad i didn't get discouraged by all the people who have had negative experiences because i've found that it's really not as bad as some people say it is.

for some reason im just now seeing this lol...thank you for the advice tho im leaning toward phd now!

what did you study in college & did that help you with what you’re doing as a career now? Any advice for a gal struggling through undergrad trying to go to grad school?

behind the cut - this reads more like a collection of thoughts, i feel very unqualified to give advice!

about me and my degrees:

i studied english and creative writing in college, which according to articles i've read, almost nobody does anymore. the liberal arts are a field that's cleared out at dusk after all the players have gone home -- or to STEM fields, in this case.

the job i'm in now is entirely based on my degree -- can't have this job without it. but i've been part time for ten years, because getting a full-time job is a crapshoot, and part time pay is shit. but the time i tried to switch jobs, i got so profoundly depressed (in the clinical sense) i had to go back to this job. i'm just trying to embed myself until they hire me full time.

english grad school is, moreover, unlike many graduate school programs because (functionally) nobody goes unless they’re getting it for free, which means needing a fellowship or grad assistant program that pays for everything and awards you a small (unlivable) stipend. the second option is what i did. (essentially they’re training you to be a college professor, and you’re studying for free and getting food money.) fellowships usually pay more but are more competitive — but the process of getting into grad school for english or creative writing is equally a crapshoot. the first year i tried, i didn’t get in; the second year, i applied to more schools and a couple of them took the bait. i picked the school that gave me the best package.

bottom line is, it would really depend on your program. i have zero knowledge of other fields, sadly, because almost everyone i know who did grad school was in english like me. of the english MA/PhD people i know, they've worked in publishing, teaching, writing, and coypediting. so the fields have all been english adjacent, because typically you don't get a grad degree in a field unless you're committed to it.

(some people just daisy-chain MFA programs. they go from one to the other, living on fellowships. you can get multiple grad degrees. i once met a guy at a party who was even going for his postdoc at MIT. that's real commitment to the grad life.)

i don't regret my degrees or graduate school -- i had a great time in both. however, i also got out with no debt, since college was cheaper then and i got scholarships to schools that weren't exactly high brow. i also just really enjoyed being in school because it suits my habits and personality, and i was studying something i loved. a lot of people very much do not feel that way -- if you're struggling... :(

there was also nothing else i could've effectively studied. i am only competent in liberal arts. if i'd taken a STEM track, i'd have failed out or had a nervous breakdown from not understanding my classes. no joke.

advice, such as it is:

i was reading an article about the ratio of people who regret their degrees, and people tend to regret it the most due to two factors: debt obtaining it and hire-ability afterward. yeah, no surprises there.

for advice pertaining to your specific field, i'd ask your professors -- they had to go to grad school, obviously, so they'd be more knowledgeable about what it's like. if there are younger professors around, that might be more helpful, since their experiences would be more recent. unless the older ones have kept up with the times, a lot about the job market, and academia, has changed in the last 20 - 30 years. is there any teacher you'd feel comfortable talking about it with?

i'd also be clear to yourself on why you want to go to grad school. if you're already considering it, you probably have heard all this before/know it already, because grad school isn't a common thing -- i just have to say it anyway. i don't know why you, specifically, are struggling with undergrad or if you even want to disclose the reasons, but even though i'm primed for academia and was studying what i enjoyed, grad school was tough. in undergrad there's typically a lot more leeway, but in grad school they do not let anybody fuck around. everybody is an A student. they're dead serious, and you (general you) can get kicked out for poor performance, especially if you're getting money from the school to even be there. not to say you're the fuck-around-and-find-out-type -- i definitely wasn't -- just that it adds pressure. i didn't even go for the PhD but stopped at the MA track. so i would just advise caution in the deliberation. if debt is an issue, for example, and your chosen degree would only add to it, i would be very clear on the finances.

of course, take all this advice with the caveat that it's entirely based on my experiences and perspective, and i don't consider myself to be a very wise or practical person! i just muddle along.

Would you mind describing the process of applying for an MFA program or what you did to qualify? Also, when you say you’re going to grad school after, is that a PhD or a Masters in English Literature or something similar?

Let me just put both your anons here so I can get em both at once :) sorry for the confusion! I do not have an MFA, I am graduating from Boston University with my bachelors in creative writing. BU has a very old and prestigious MFA program that they don't shut the fuck up about and they writing pilled me so hard. Any writing workshop you take within the department is taught by someone currently getting an MFA or part of running the program. When I said MFA professor in that ask earlier, I was referring to my professor herself, who is an MFA grad and that's why she was there. She's not a teacher by trade, she teaches because she's there for the program. Does that make sense? I shouldn't have phrased it that way and I am so sorry for the confusion. There is such thing an an English PHD, I've only talked to three people who've ever gone higher than an MFA, and all were successful novelists while doing so. We cannot all be Leslie Epstein, and let us not aspire to be.

That being said, I hope I can still help, because I am applying to MFA programs in two years and started applying this year before eventually deciding to give it some time. Every workshop you take they literary pill you and they spend a whole class answering MFA questions and walking you through the process as well. I've never felt more knowledgable about a subject I have no authority on in my life, so let me try to answer your questions and I hope it helps! I apologize for how long as fuck it's going to be.

So qualifying for an MFA is easy; be good at writing. Like, really good. They really don't give a shit about anything else you have to turn in. If it's been a while since you've been in school, you'll be delighted to learn that no MFAs take GRE scores anymore, and every single one that asks for a 3.0gpa also includes a caveat where they're like "with exceptions." It's because if your writing is that good they legit do not care what else you bring to the table.

Bad news bears though, that means you gotta be really good. Not to be like, discouraging, but the general acceptance rate is about 3-5% for all programs across the board. I only know minute details about fully funded MFAs (my google spreadsheet could end lives) because I am of the mindset that paying extra education in this economy instead of being paid for extra education is insanity of the highest degree. That being said, if you expand to non fully funded program, I think your chances get a percentage higher? If you have the means and you want to, go for it, but I highly suggest the fully funded route. Every MFA grad I've every talked to has always said that they don't suggest getting one ever unless it's fully funded. That being said, I have a lovely mutual on here who got hers and it was not fully funded, and she loved her experience. I can definitely direct you to her as well.

More specifically on writing though, MFA's are incredibly literary writing places. If your style is more eclectic then an MFA program could be quite stifling. If you are more into genre fiction, romance, speculative fiction, sci-fi; most MFA programs are not for you. There are a few new highly competitive ones that specialize in genre fiction, but again, highly competitive.

Another super important point; writing in a workshop environment, especially an MFA, requires very thick skin. Creating a story for a workshop is like birthing a child, and then giving it to a classroom of 10-15 people to beat to death in front of you while they tell you how ugly it is and how you could've done better. But then you get to do it to them too it's literally my favorite thing in the world. I called someone's story gimicky last week, that's like a writing slur. But if that sounds like no fun at all, that's what the entirety of an MFA program will be. The crotchety 84 year old man who runs BU's MFA program (it's Leslie again), while a delight and a legend, referred to one of my pieces as having a "surprisingly homoerotic moment" and then the entire class informed him it was actually, very clear the entire time. I should include a list of meanest comments I've ever gotten after this, that's so fun.

Also also; each MFA program varies wildly, but most from what I can tell from my research require you to teach a class during your time there, and your final thesis is basically a completed manuscript of a novel.

I can tell you that I think there is absolutely nothing wrong at all with applying for an MFA program in your late twenties. In fact, they prefer it. I ending up holding off based on feedback I got from people I asked for rec letters and advise, all who told me applying right out of school is hard because they take you much less seriously. They like it when you've gone out, gotten real world experience, and proved you're committed. I know older people in the MFA program who were published authors and screenwriters, and people who got in right out of school and only published afterwards. Again, it's really all down to how good you are, everything else they don't care about as long as you are good enough to make anything else not important.

As for old writing connections; don't worry about that. MFAs require 2-3 rec letters. My professor advised that if it's been a while, you email to ask and you send along what classes you took with the professor, what year it was, and a current writing sample. It makes it as easy as possible on your rec. She argued about it a bit with another MFA grad who she brought to class; he said if they don't remember you they won't be a good rec. I don't really have a huge stance, thought I'd give both viewpoints they gave. It's hard to decide, I have a rec that would swing a lot of weight in the literary world but also I had a little beef with the professor so I'm on the fence about if his would be good or not. It's such a dumb problem but now I'm just venting every MFA related thought at you.

Finally; I will tell you what my current plans are for the two years before I apply to, idk, Rocky training montage myself for MFA applications. Basically my goals are to finish one of my books (generous goal that one is FLEXIBLE), get a few short stories published, and hopefully make a website. Every serious writer has a website and they all hate it. But, it's good to have things to actually put in your blurbs when you submit for publishing.

I am happy to give advice on the publishing process as well if that would help you, anon, or anyone else. I currently am a reader for a lit journal and I have worked for a WIDE variety of publishing companies, from lil baby indie ones to bigger editing companies. There is a market for everything if you know how to market yourself and where to look, and you do not need an MFA to do that. Stephanie Meyer would sooner have turned into a vampire herself than have been accepted into an MFA, but her ass is widely successful. Get ur bag.

- My ARC application was accepted! I paid the fee! As far as I can tell, if I want a physical card I need to go pick it up at immigration or something (there seems to be an electronic option but that’s no fun now is it?). On one hand, my dreams of residency are finally realised! On the other hand it’s very short-term and completely contingent on my studies, so I’m essentially still living in three-month increments. I am probably going to keep taking class til March cause I didn’t go through this epic bureaucratic slog just to have an ARC for one semester (and I would like to finish the textbook we’ve just started, as it’s finally challenging and I feel like I’m consistently learning new things instead of just solidifying a base with some occasional unfamiliar words.)

- Speaking of semesters, I’m now finally on break. I was hanging on by the skin of my teeth for a while there, but yesterday I came home and had the energy to do battle against the long-accumulating dust bunnies in my room. I can’t relax entirely because I still have to write an end-of-semester oral presentation plus the speech for this competition I did end up signing up for, self-study the chapter I’ll be missing over break (it’s on the vocational school system so I’m not too aggrieved about skipping it), research grad program applications, read doctor reviews in Mandarin and re-enter those treacherous waters, not to mention organise a trip down south cause I need to get out of the city. Or at least my apartment. Which reminds me I need to renew my lease, largely because it’s still tolerable, the bathroom set-up is a rare find, and I just can’t be arsed to look for a new place right now.

- In general though I feel like I have a somewhat viable plan for the future, which in turn makes me very skeptical because whenever I’ve felt that way in the past some shit hits the fan. Or could it be that I’ve spent so much time dealing with the shit-fan that my plans now are devised with some hard-won wisdom and experience, and the expectation of attainability is slightly less naïve and more reasonable? Time will tell, time will tell.

Across The Universe

Detroit: Yuri’s done the math. He done the research and the consideration and the planning. This will be his last year of competitive figure skating, and this time next year, he’ll be moving on to grad school. No matter what, though, Yuri hopes to hold onto Victor in any way that he can. Even if he has to compromise and change his own dreams to do it.

St. Petersburg: Victor is tired of compromising. Tired of having dreams deferred, of stealing moments in the off season and after competitions to spend time with Yuri. The way he sees it, there are only two options: keep Yuri in competitive skating, or find a way to stay by Yuri’s side after this year is through. Because if there’s anything that Victor knows for certain, it’s that he’s never letting anything come between him and his soulmate ever again.

But how far are Yuri and Victor willing to go to protect the other’s dreams? And with a whole universe separating them, will a soulmate bond really be enough to hold them together when it matters most?

**Part Three of the Defy the Stars Trilogy**

Soulmates!AU • College! AU(kinda) • Happy Ending

Read Chapter Thirty-Four here!

In which Victor and Yuri celebrate Valentine's Day.

Posting every Friday (ish), chapter preview below the cut

It didn’t feel like Victor and Yuri were over anymore. It more felt like they were up in the air again. Victor kept on waiting for Yuri to make some sort of move and bring them back to earth and his soulmate, infuriatingly, kept on not making one. Did he really think the quad flip was going to be enough? Come out and do a jump that really only Victor was doing and have that be enough to patch things up between them? That Victor would just fall to his knees and cry hysterically in Yuri's arms and say that everything was okay, and forgiven, and it didn't matter if they never figured this whole thing out, or listened to each other, because they had extravagant displays of affection to keep them together?

Victor felt like an intolerable prima donna, ricocheting between dreadful, self-righteous fury and sappy, absurd romanticism in the span of a single breath just thinking about it. Which wasn’t exactly to say he was ashamed of how we was acting, but he did feel a certain amount of chagrin over what a cliché he’d become. 

Really, he needed Yuri back. He was much more even-keeled when he was in his soulmate’s orbit. 

Still, even with how uncertain and unresolved everything suddenly felt between him and Yuri, and with no promise it would actually get any better in the future, near or otherwise, there was one moment that left even more of an impression on Victor than Yuri’s quad flip, and that was the medal ceremony following the team competition. A wonderful, if peculiar, thrill ran through him when Yuri and the rest of the Japanese team stepped up on the podium next to him. Above him. Yuri was officially an Olympic gold medalist, and it was well and truly deserved. 

(That skate! The flip! Victor was going to be thinking about it for ages). 

Victor almost broke his self-imposed silence to talk to Yuri about it after the medal ceremony, but his soulmate slipped off too quickly. And he hadn’t been at practice the next day either, which was fair and fine. Victor only went because Yakov was a tyrant who didn’t want to leave anything up to chance. But it was Wednesday now, and although Yuri had been at practice this morning, taking it easy, Victor had lost most of his nerve. Also Junichi had been stuck to Yuri’s side like glue in every free moment. Also also Yakov was insisting, yet again, that the program components were off on his free skate and that they needed work. He hadn’t allowed Victor a moment of distraction the entire time. 

Thankfully, it was all over now. Thankfully, he could sit in the peace and quiet of the apartment he was assigned with a couple of the other Russian skaters, alone with the copy of Whitman’s Leaves of Grass he’d brought with him, and just enjoy his evening. Everyone else was out. It was Valentine’s day, after all. And if they weren’t out with sweethearts, they were definitely off galivanting with Chris in his blowout birthday celebration. Victor had been invited, but he’d begged off. One, he still hadn’t fully forgiven Chris enough to succumb to the temptation of revelry and two, he was sure Yakov would kill him if his coach found out he’d been partying before the competition was over. 

So he was alone. With his poetry and the champagne the Russian Olympic committee sent over in celebration of their medal the other night and some chocolates he’d bought for himself down in the village. He could go down to the dining hall later and bring up a nice dinner for himself. He could be happy with that. Perfectly happy. 

He had just started reading—literally just started, he was only on the third line (“For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you”)—when the knock came at his door. Victor stared at it in cold contempt for a minute, daring the knocker to knock again. He was sure it was one of his teammates, their key forgotten. Or Chris or one of his envoys, maybe, asking him to come join the party. Or Zarya. It would be like Zarya to jilt the world and come impose on him instead. 

Continue on Ao3

so um… ghul… I need advice (if you can give it)?

So you’re a college professor right? Well, for a while now I’ve really been thinking about going back to school (I’m 25, by the way) because I’d also like to become a college professor, ideally in creative writing/something in the writing field.

So I was wondering if there was any advice/warnings/general information you might be able to share that you think would be useful.

You don’t need to spend too much time answering. I don’t want to inconvenience you. But I could just really use any words of wisdom since this is something I really really want but am scared I’ll be blindsided by something (I did a little college back when I was 18 but ended up having to leave due to personal reasons, so I have some experience on what to expect, but not a ton).

Anyway, hope you’re having a good night.

Hi! Always happy to give advice and warnings about the dumpster fire that is academia, so I definitely don't mind the question or feel inconvenienced. I should clarify though that I'm a PhD candidate, not an actual professor--so basically, I'm a very advanced graduate student who teaches instead of taking classes. But, being a professor is the goal and I'm pretty well versed in the ups and downs of pursuing an academic job.

And I have warnings. So many warnings!

The first thing to consider is just the amount of time it takes to become a professor. While you can get some jobs with only a Master's degree, they're few and far between, and especially precarious. For anything secure, you basically have to have a PhD. That means 4-5 years of undergrad, assuming you're starting basically from scratch, and then at least another five years for the doctoral degree. Keep in my mind that most people take longer than that to finish a PhD, too--I'm in my eighth year of grad school (sixth year in my actual program because I did a master's beforehand), and the average time to degree for my department is seven years. I know people who took ten. I may take ten!

Second, the academic job market is terrible. In many, many ways. There are basically two options--tenure track and adjunct. Tenure track pays better, comes with stability, and is probably what most people think of when they think of being a professor. Adjunct positions are short-term teaching contracts that only last for a semester, and often pay worse. (Imagine cobbling together a full-time job by teaching multiple classes a couple universities to make $30k a year with few benefits, if you're lucky).

Tenure track jobs have more stability, benefits, etc., but are also really fucking competitive. It's not unusual to have hundreds of applicants for one position, and even then it likely still won't pay as much as most other jobs requiring that level of education. On top of that, you generally have to also hustle to public papers, present at conferences, etc., just to be competitive for these jobs. And, as a bonus, it's almost guaranteed that you'll have to relocate to find a position, so you could easily find yourself moving to Arkansas to make $45k a year after a decade of schooling. Things are especially competitive and underpaid in the humanities, like writing-related fields, too.

Now, it's not like it could hurt to pursue it as an option, but going back to undergrad just for that being the goal is maybe not the best idea; it's definitely better to go in with a few possible paths in mind. Because it's a big time commitment for very little guaranteed payoff, and that's without even considering that just getting through grad school is fucking hard, and pretty much guaranteed to leave you with a lot of debt unless you have a partner to financially support you. And there are things that are great about it--you get a lot of autonomy, and I really love teaching so I have a great time--but I also pretty much agree with the advice I was given before starting, which was: if you can picture yourself doing anything else, do that instead.

I'll take #5 for the asks. Thanks!

5 times you did the right thing

1--This is kind of one thing but also two things at the same time: going to grad school and subsequently not staying long enough to finish a degree--That lets employers, etc. know that I have the academic skills to be accepted to an exclusive program, yet I entered the career (not just job, but career) market young and with a hugely competitive corporation. I can't work at that level anymore due to chronic illness, but having my undergrad degree, grad education experience, and career experience give a solid background in how the adult world works when it comes to having... how to put this...like, understanding the cycle of planning-structuring -materializing-error checking-using product, all whilst communicating with others. A lot of stuff (directing a film, performing an audit, launching a new product, etc), require the same steps/skillset.

2--This is really hard to put into a box in general, and the label of "good choice," or even "choice" at all, while it's probably the best way to define it, almost seems inapplicable. I believe I have relayed some of this before, but, in an absolute nutshell, (this was, like, 2018?) I found myself needing mental health services, and I needed intervention immediately. The clinic I was using for physical health had a mental health NP, but I couldn't see her soon enough, so I just went to a random clinic on my insurance's list of preferred providers. There had been kind of a miscommunication, and I wanted to call my regular GP to make sure she knew what was going on with the psych person I'd gone to, and I really wanted to leave an answering machine message, but OMG they had an answering SERVICE where a human being who had no idea who I was or what I was trying to do answered the phone. That was... not ok. Huge panic attack. I don't want to be triggery or really think about it too much, but it was... probably the worst. ever. But then @xxx-cat-xxx magically appeared on my phone, texting me in real time! I started texting back right away, and I was able to tell her that I was in a terrible state, and with her help and encouragement, I was able to get to bed safely and wake up in the morning. That was...maybe a month or so before I got close with DD? I'm very glad I stuck around to get to experience that.

3--Getting a hamster. Sif, bless her soul, was with me for 2 years and 8 months. I did register her and get her ESA card, but that was mostly because I needed her to fly in-cabin with me. We went to DD's on 31 January 2019 (when it was 0 degrees F, and actually warmer in Antarctica than in Chicago). I'm not sure if it's a me thing, but I do have reason to believe it's a more generalized sensitive, caring people thing, but knowing there's a tiny friend relying on me for food and treats and water and toys gives me at least one thing to live for. I had Livinia for a long time, and training her from wild, neglected-pet behavior to the sweetest social, come-when-called, and even lick -no-bite for tiny kisses... it made me feel so good to share time and love with her. My Mary Hamster, now, is a more independent girl, but she also goes through her clingy-cuddle times when she wants close body heat and nose nuzzles.

4-There was this one time in college (I was living with my parents and being a commuter student); I was sitting on a bench outside the classroom, waiting for the previous class to leave so our class could go in and get settled. My friend S came and sat next to me and showed me this random military ID card he'd found on the floor. My dad, retired officer turned flight school instructor, worked on the military base, so I offered to take it from S and give it to my dad, who could then turn it in to the sensitive material "lost and found" on base. S was like, yeah, sure. He didn't want to have troubles if someone thought he stole it or something. So I gave the ID to my dad when I got home, and, the next time I saw him after that, he said he'd turned it in. I now also have experience working on a military base (as a civilian contractor), and I've sat through some extensive trainings about PII and data sanitization and this, that, and the other. So, in the eyes of the stupid PII checklist, I may have apprehended a terrorist. What I probably did was make some college kid hanging onto their parents' insurance receive a really embarrassing phone call from security forces. But no buildings were blown up in the process.

5-Ok, so, let me just remind you that these 5 things are random and unranked. I might be leaving a lot of stuff out, but this is what I'm feeling right how.

Writing Battle of Troy. I completely played by NaNo rules--nothing pre-written, and every word of the first draft penned (typed) between 01 and 30 November 2018. I actually ran 02 Nov-29 Nov. The novel runs something like 74k words. I wrote a solid bit of Novemetober as well, bringing my total for the month to just over 90k. During that time, I was.... Not well. I had a status migraine (and neither I nor my medical team at that time knew what that was), was experiencing the effects of what's unfortunately a common set of circumstances felt in the older teens and young 20s of individuals with BiPolar disorder and Schizophrenia.

I pretty much never went home. I would just tote my laptop all over the place and go into one of the four or five coffeehouses I knew of, open my draft, and just keep going at it. I was having some stomach issues as well, so a diet of coffee, a winter hat pulled down to my eyebrows, and full investment in Troy's world... It made that stretch of 4 weeks not so bad.

Maybe I should've been hospitalized. Maybe I should've been under observation by...doctors? Police? Parents?

But, I chose book-writing, and nothing caught on fire.