Sometimes I am reminded that people aren’t always aware that folks do not always treat or do treat people the same as in abusers don’t go around abusing everyone in their life. Most often abusers are kind and loving to some while in private with their partner or whom ever is their victim becomes a horrible human being.

This also goes to all sorts of flavour of shitty person, they ain’t always shitty, an asshole to everyone. That’s why when victims of abuse, harassment or have terrible experiences with someone speak out they are met with naysayers because to them that person wasn’t abusive or an asshole, etc. humans are complex even the nasty ones who may be good at hiding aspects of themselves because we all do this to an extent we don’t reveal ourselves fully to every single person.

The Lame Brain Manipulation Game

I recently got a message from a new woman friend -- who's a long-time mutual friend of someone I've known since I was in my 20's -- regarding that last post I made about my recent debacle with the Cracker (i.e. the very odd person I was very briefly almost romantically entangled with -- or perhaps "ensnared" is the more appropriate term).

She pointed out that people like him are very masterful at being manipulative, and that I shouldn't feel responsible or bad about myself for being taken in, however briefly, by his wiles. Which of course is true. Except here's the thing; I thought I was too smart for that sort of thing. And I wasn't. Yes, yes -- the man was a literal genius, it is true. But, I'm no slouch myself, intellectually. A MASSIVE underachiever, yes, but in the ol' brain meats department, I'm certainly not lacking. Which is how we connected in the first place.

That's what I get for thinking I'm so goddamned smart...

So the question becomes, how and why did I get sucked in? Was it loneliness? AM I lonely for a relationship? I've always been quite content to be alone, and am almost always restless, discontented, and unsatisfied in romantic relationships (largely because of the sort of people I tend to attract, which as we've discussed tend to be variations on a theme, the theme being untreated mentally ill, deeply disturbed personality disordered abuser types like my mother); so I'm not really certain if that's the answer. I am leaning more towards boredom, and yes, a need for connection, as well...which blinded me from some of the red flags that came up. And they did indeed come up.

Fortunately, I am not emotionally hurt by this debacle, which tells me my so called "emotional connection" I was so convinced I had was just as much of a confection as he was. Which is interesting. I didn't shed a single tear, or feel even a twinge of loss, which rather surprised me. What I DID feel was mortified, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself.

When will I learn?

Why did I even bother? You'd think that after 8 years of being happily single, with the exception of a nice, fun poly situation that was undemanding and pleasant until things fizzled out without explanation (THAT actually smarted a bit), and a sexual encounter that was predictably unsatisfying, then an assault, which was my last experience before this whole debacle, that I would understand certain things about myself -- or rather ONE very basic thing;

I do not do well in traditional relationships. My radar, when it comes to men in particular, is completely and irrevocably broken.

Ok, that's two things.

I really, really need to stop myself when I am attracted to a guy, for ANY reason. My former housemate Clara yesterday told me, that when it comes to me, I need to do the exact opposite of what my instincts tell me to do. I'm not sure this is accurate, but I get what she's saying. I think I need to do the opposite of what my ATTRACTIONS lead me towards. Because my INSTINCTS, once I met this guy in person, told me to run, after about the first twenty minutes. But I ignored them, because it just didn't make sense, after the months of amazing conversations we'd had.

But, my instincts turned out to be right.

And, if I look back, there were flags even early on in the conversations I overlooked, because let's face it, I'm far from perfect myself, and we all need to make compromises, right?

The problem with people like me, who were raised by seriously fucked up mothers with serious unmedicated, untreated mental illness like bipolar and schizoaffective disorder, and personality disorders like NPD, ASPD, BPD, etc, we learn to NOT trust our gut feelings, because we are gaslit constantly, in the actual, true sense of the word, all the time. The upside is that when the Cracker tried to pull that with me, I was able to spot it, and I called him on it, which made him lose his cool (always a sure sign that you've got them). It's impossible to gaslight me, because I can see it from a mile off.

But as for the other stuff, the learning to trust my gut instincts...well, clearly I still have a long, long way to go with that. Although, to be fair, this time it took me a lot less time, a lot less investment than the last go-round. The last time, I moved in with the guy and lost 3 years of my life and ended up in the hospital.

So, I guess you can call this progress.

I also just really think I need to accept that I cannot do relationships. And this, I will admit, makes me a bit sad, on some level. Because I would like to think that even someone like me could find someone that makes sense. Who would treat me well, and not use the things I've opened up about like a weapon against me, or try to manipulate me, or to gaslight me, or all the rest of it. But, with my shitty health being what it is, I simply can't risk it anymore. It's literally too bloody dangerous for me to take that chance, now.

Choose the wrong person, and it could actually harm me. I learned that the hard way in my last serious relationship. And I just can't take that chance, I can't allow myself to be put in that situation, anymore. Because I just don't seem to have the proper tools to be able to navigate a healthy relationship. Which is kind of seriously fucked up. But, it's not entirely on me. I was raised by a wildly sick, abusive, fucked up mother. I've been fighting against the damage she did to me my entire life, and really, I've made a lot of progress.

But ultimately, I simply don't know how to choose a good mate. And I don't think I'll live long enough to get where I'm at the point to ever learn how to do so. Realistically, at my age, it just doesn't seem feasible at this stage. And I have to be OK with that.

I think I am OK with that. I've always been autonomous, independent, and even a bit of a loner, and maybe that is partially what's informing my choices, too. Maybe, deep down, I don't WANT to be in a traditional relationship...?

Wherever the true answer lies, I need to start to learn to trust my gut, really truly trust it, even when it's inconvenient, even when I don't want to, even when the rest of me is screaming against it. Because it is never wrong. It's the desires that are wrong, the intellectualizing and the need for connection that leads me to wrong choices, not my deep down gut instincts.

And THAT'S the truth.

(I just asked if you watched the episode 3 promo, because I don’t want to spoil you.)Do you think the presence of the documentary crew has a significant influence on the characters, especially on Guillermo? More and more I get the feeling that Guillermo would sometimes behave differently or say different things if the cameras wouldn't be around. (1/3)

For example if one of the vampires says something totally outlandish, Guillermo gives the camera a certain look, which says as much as: “Can you believe they say something that silly? Of course they’re wrong. No, I would never agree/ do such a thing.”

From time to time it feels like Guillermo wants to convince the crew?/ the viewers?/ himself? that he is completely “normal”. So no, of course he would never look at the new, enhanced dick of his master /roommate /friend /Nandor ? Of course not, never. Such a crazy idea… (3/3)

--------------------

No, I'm happy you asked! Sorry if I came off as short, I was genuinely asking if you had any questions for me. I just woke up, lmao. So sorry if I sounded terse, I was just groggy and trying to parse if there was something in particular I was supposed to be saying.

As for your actual question... I think he definitely plays up his responses some? I think that, for all that he was very shy about expressing himself in the first season or so, Guillermo is actually kind of a histrionic person lmao. He really likes the attention, once he allows himself to have it, and he can be very. um. Theatrical.

I also think he's very conscious of his audience, when he has one, and is constantly tailoring his reactions to that. I mean that as in the physical audience, us, but also that he's very good at code-switching, for lack of a better word. Guillermo is actually fairly good at reading a room and acting accordingly. He seems to know, for the most part, when he needs to be quiet and watchful, when he should be deferential, when he needs to kick ass, who he can be a little sassy with... The way he behaves with his own vampires vs. other vampires vs. his family vs. the neighbors vs. the cameras, etc. changes so rapidly.

I'm not sure he's even conscious that he's doing it; in fact, when he tries to manipulate audiences, he's kind of shitty at it. But when he's doing it unconsciously, he's actually rather good. When he does overstep, it's almost always because he wants to be part of things so badly that he allows himself to try it, even though he knows he'll probably get slapped down.

(This... can actually be a pretty telltale symptom of abuse, actually. Tailoring your personality to what you think is "safe" around different groups and consistently trying to put on the "right" version of yourself so people will accept and like you. It comes from constantly having to manipulate situations with abusers in order to extricate yourself safely. Though whether we're talking about abuse at the hands of the vampires or due to his poor childhood is up for debate. We know that at the very least he was physically bullied in school...

When it comes to response to danger, there's fight, flight, freeze, or fawn, and boy have we seen Guillermo do all four -- but he does seem to have a certain learned fondness for fawn.

This ability to change your personality for safety can also be a symptom of being closeted throughout your formative years, but I guess we don't have all the details about that.)

Anyway, I think Guillermo realizes what the camera crew wants him to be and he plays into that. He seems to be the only character here who knows what The Office is lmao. He's also been miffed before at what he perceives them as wanting from him (when he was mad about being interviewed with Doll Nadja) so I think he's highly conscious of how he's being treated and depicted in this "documentary program". I think he often tries to position himself as the straight man (so to speak) even though he is just as patently insane as the rest of them.

All that said, I do think that Guillermo's always had a sort of fundamental discomfort with Nandor's sexuality that I don't think he needs to play up that much. (See: whirling around to hide when he walked in on him and Gail, cringing when trying to describe his sex acts in The Orgy, etc.) I think if anything, he was covering up his discomfort with a joke towards the camera, though it's hard to know for sure because the clip was so brief. Like we know he's seen Nandor's erect dick before, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable with purposefully looking at it, even if Nandor invited him to. (Maybe especially because Nandor invited him to.)

Plus, I mean, we know that Guillermo is extremely loyal and he does have a boyfriend now. We have no way of knowing if that loyalty is currently misplaced (as it... so often is, with Guillermo) but I mean. He probably has a lot of reasons for not wanting to look at his master's dick on camera, honestly. He'll probably end up doing it anyway (I don't know that he'll have a choice in the matter) but I can see him wanting to put up at least a token resistance. lmao

That said, we do know that he definitely does have a prurient interest in Nandor's dick despite his attempts to hide it so like. It'll be fun to see how that goes.

Some of the things I have been through...

Back in my hellementary school days, there were a few teachers “2 in particular (A couple, there last name being Cole, which was very fitting for their hearts) and as for the other, even though he wasn’t nearly as bad, he was still able to make my list” (And 2 IAs, one in particular who was rarely around but was a much bigger bully) that were bullies along with 4 students in particular who were notably worse then the other bullies. I went through a lot, believe me. To top it all off there was this one time when I went to the principal's office to talk to the vice principal about the bullying from the teachers and other students and I was angry, sobbing and the works and I did not hold back on how I felt or on what I was saying, but little did I know that the system for the entire schools speakers was on, so everyone in the entire school heard everything...

Now, some of the things that was done to a good friend of mine (Who has Cerebral Palsy), well, she had an instructional assistant (Same one I had) who at times put the lock of her locker on backwards as she was being timed, sometimes also having her wear an intentionally heavy nap sack when she was walking with her crutches when she already had a hard enough time with nothing extra weighing her down, on the odd occasion had her crutches put towards the classroom door so she had to use the desks to balance herself to get to them, one day she slipped and fell in the mud on her way to one of the portables and she was forced to enter the classroom… (As for me, I have roughly 30 regular sized pages with regular sized font single spaced “I think it was around 50 or so before it was edited for me” of a bunch of the BS that happened to me).

Anyways, after the schools PA system incident, the bullying got even worse. It did not matter that mom and dad called and tried to help. No one was able to do anything at all for me, nothing (I was a caged animal with no escape/no way to get any kind of help. Even now, emotional abuse is not something that the cops will typically intervene in)... Then one day towards the end of the 7th grade I just snapped completely on one of the bullies, ripped his shirt, tackled him to the ground and would not stop going completely ballistic on him/just absolutely out of control... The lunchroom/recess supervisor who basically did pretty much nothing against emotional bullying ended up pulling us apart and if she hadn't have stepped in then I would not have stopped...

The thing about these days is with the internet, social media/etc it just seems like there is a lot more evil stuff going on because it is a lot easier to uncover it, and kids/teens (As well as adults/seniors/etc) need to be encouraged to stand up to bullies (If they can), and to stand up against bullying when they see it happen and to secretly record if things get bad enough (Recording live stream if possible just incase they get caught.having those recording being recorded to some secret place on the web that the victim can have access to those files when and if they ever need them. Recordings that will never be seen/known by the bullies if they do happen to snatch the recorder, if this advanced type of option is even possible).

As for the job end of things, with my second last boss he was a real master at manipulation (Could be one of the most vicious to one of the most loving people you have even met on the drop of a dime/flip of a switch) and knew how to pull peoples mental/emotional strings, and believe me when I say that I make a really good target especially during some days when I was the first/only one there where at times there were alcohol and beer bottles over the floor and during those time especially he had the kind of rage that literally shook my body and went right through to my very soul.

I was mentally/emotionally trapped there for like 8 years and as such I have lots of stuff that I typed about that job/torments as well as a couple videos I made of shots that I took in secret), there was one time in particular where the boss (A strong guy) took a large post and just chucked it at me in a way so it barely missed me…

Since we are in theme, can I ask your optinion on Angbang?

I M really curios.

Sure! This is going under a cut because it got uhhh LONG. also content warning for discussion of sexual abuse and other very dark topics. these are bad guys, everyone.

So, I do think there was something really intense and interpersonal going on between Sauron and Melkor. But I don't think it was True Love, and I don't necessarily think it was even sexual - at least not at first.

In my view, the Ainur are not inherently sexual beings. Those of them who are connected to nature and life - Yavanna, Orome, Vana, Nessa, Melian, etc. - inevitably develop relationships to that life that often will lead to sexual feelings. (I have a fondness for horny Yavanna x stone Aule...and not just because of the pun, lol. Basically I think he just does not get the appeal of sex at all but he does it because he loves his wife and she enjoys it. But anyway.)

So, to begin with, Melkor is not at all sexual. It just isn't how the Ainur operate in their default state. He may be "corrupted" or "discordant," but sex and desire are not necessarily either of those things. So for the first part of his existence, Melkor is much more interested in creation and destruction through magical/metaphysical means. Except he can't create on his own. So...he manipulates the existing creations of Eru and the Valar, and eventually decides he needs some backup.

Enter Mairon. As a Maia of Aule, the creator god, he's a perfect candidate for corruption. (I imagine most, if not all, the Balrogs are also former Maiar of Aule. I think he lost the most servants to Melkor of all the Valar.) So Melkor seduces him to the dark side. This is not a literal seduction as we view it in modern terms, but rather the kind of seduction Tolkien probably meant by the word. (Though when it comes to later seductions...I definitely lean on the sexual connotations there, lol.)

Now, we know that Melian, at least, is capable of producing offspring. I don't think that's the kind of thing Melkor had in mind, but there are some parallels between them. Melian binds herself to Thingol, to a specific physical form that can bear children, and as long as she remains in Doriath she cannot shift shape and form the same way she could before marrying Thingol.

Melkor is also bound to a physical form - but in a much different manner. I think that when he was taken into Mandos the first time, the Valar had to bind him to a specific fana while he was in captivity. When he was released, his powers were restored, but limited since he hadn't used them in a long time and was out of practice. When he steals the Silmarils, though, that's when his physical form gets bound permanently. He cannot will his injuries away: his hands remained blackened, and when Fingolfin stabs him in the foot he limps forever after. His possession of the Silmarils and his violent manner of taking them binds them to him in a way similar to Melian's voluntary binding to Thingol.

This makes him more of an incarnate being than most Valar. Melkor becomes less aethereal and more...'human' is not the right word, especially since humans aren't around yet, but you get the gist.

Now, all this time, Sauron has been ruling in his master's stead. I do think he was deeply loyal to Melkor, but having his own power without a boss over him...he liked it. He got used to it. He's not super pleased when Melkor shows up half-crazed and injured and weak. But even weakened, Melkor is still stronger than he is, so Sauron hands power back over to him and bides his time. I also think that for Maiar who have bound themselves to the service of a Vala, that submission is kind of woven throughout their Song: with Melkor back, Sauron is feeling his master's power over him in particular, and even if he's scheming in the back of his mind, most of him is now subservient to Melkor.

Also in this time, Sauron has taken over Melkor's project of creating orcs. He has a much better understanding of how to twist and corrupt elvish hroar and fear than Melkor; he's better at picking up subtleties. Melkor only thought to use brute physical violence against the Eldar; Sauron implemented psychological torture against them. (These are Bad Guys, y'all. No way of getting around it.) And Sauron also discovered how to combine physical and psychological/spiritual torment, in the form of sexual abuse to elves, which if it doesn't kill the elf is a key factor in turning them into an orc, and also a great way of creating more orcs the 'old-fashioned' way. Yikes.

So Sauron shows off his new discoveries to Melkor...and Melkor, newly limited in his physical capabilities, experiences a bit of an Awakening. Basically: Melkor discovers sex, which is in his mind inherently connected to rape, and no one has a good time. Orcs, elves, Umaiar - all of them are subject to Melkor's 'experimentation,' especially Sauron, who is shocked to have his own tools used against him, and shocked at how effective it is. But this new physical/sexual aspect of his relationship to his master only reinforces his bond to Melkor, tying them even closer together, in an incredibly unhealthy and extremely dubiously consensual way.

I do think they have some fun in there. I don't think it's all horrible and nonconsensual, I think there are times Sauron enjoys it and initiates it, but I don't think they're 'married' and I don't think this relationship was ever equal. It was always abusive; now it's only more so. But Sauron is a master manipulator, and he's figuring out new ways to bend Melkor to his will. He just has to be very, very subtle about it, because Melkor is his master, and at the end of the day he is bound to Melkor - he belongs to Melkor.

Let's fast-forward to the Lay of Leithian.

At this point Sauron has gained some more independence. He's the Lord of Werewolves, he's got his own island getaway! He's enjoying the power, and the distance from Melkor. Along comes a ragtag group of elves and one human, and he has his fun killing them all - until Luthien shows up, and humiliates him and casts him out. Sauron flees to Tar-nu-Fuin - not back to Angband, critically, but Tar-nu-Fuin. I think the next time the narrative addresses him is at the end of the War of Wrath.

Luthien then makes her way to Angband, Beren and Huan in tow. Melkor looks upon her in lust and desire, things he is now capable of, where he wasn't before. But Luthien escapes in semi-victory, leaving Melkor furious and unsatisfied.

I do think Sauron returns to Angband eventually, before the Nirnaeth. But I think by the time he goes back, he's gathered enough internal strength to resist falling back fully into Melkor's control. He lets Melkor use and abuse him, he helps plan the Fifth Battle - but never again is he truly loyal to Melkor, and from that moment on he's always plotting his master's downfall, and his inevitable escape.

Well, in the end the Valar come for Melkor, he's thrust into the Void. Sauron is free of him. If his first crucial decision point was the Seduction way back in the Years of the Lamps, this is the second: does he repent and submit to the Valar, or not?

He submits to Eonwe. But Eonwe wants him to come back to Valinor for judgement, and Sauron knows he can't escape punishment if he returns. So instead he flees into the East, and starts building an empire of Men.

The third crucial decision point is, as I mentioned in the previous ask, Sauron's time as Annatar. Here he has a friend, a real friend, who is kind and good and trusting and willing to work with him. I do think Celebrimbor and Annatar engaged in a relationship that was almost romantic, and I only qualify because I headcanon Celebrimbor as arospec and Annatar is never quite sure about what he feels, either. But this is an opportunity for him: he can turn away from his evil schemes, become a new person. He doesn't have to follow through with his plans. The Men he rules over will be fine without him. He doesn't have the Nazgul yet. If he can only let go of his ambitions...

But he can't. And in the end, the possibility of a healthy relationship with Celebrimbor is ruined by Sauron's own choices. It's a twisted echo of his relationship with Melkor, with Sauron placing himself in Melkor's position with Celebrimbor as his subject, his vassal, his plaything.

As for Numenor, and the Cult of Melkor: as much as Sauron hated and feared Melkor, he never could quite shake himself from his service. He was still a Maia who bound himself to a Vala. And while of course the main reason he had the Numenoreans worship Melkor was to further their own downfall, there's a part of him that was soothed by directing some worship to his old Master.

When they finally reunite in the Void, it is not a happy meeting. Sauron is at his absolute lowest, but Melkor's had two Ages to slowly, slowly recover some of his strength. He's a long way off from the Dagor Dagorath, but he's stronger than Sauron. I don't think it's a warm welcome Sauron receives.

So, that's my take on Angbang: yeah, they fucked. But it was fucked up. It was unequal. It was not loving, even if there was obsession and attachment. Melkor was incredibly abusive - and Sauron was no better, even if he was the victim of Melkor's abuse more often than not. These are bad, evil, guys, no matter their original intentions. And I want to make it clear that I don't think they are incapable of love - I think there are aspects of romantic love to both Sauron's relationship with Melkor, and Sauron's relationship with Celebrimbor. But Sauron chooses to abuse that feeling, to find the worst parts of it and exploit them.

Sauron can be fun to write. He's incredibly multilayered. There were moments when I do really think he could have changed. But time and again, he passed those moments by, and committed himself to further evil. He wasn't always that way, and he was greatly shaped by Melkor's evils, but in the end? I think Sauron was worse than Melkor. He had much more time, much more influence. And in that, at least, he won out over Melkor. Even if he was defeated by hobbits, where it took the Host of the Valar to bring Melkor down, Sauron survived so much longer and had so much more impact. Melkor may have been the first Dark Lord, but Sauron was the worst.

okay welcome to the worst post of all time ! ballas edition

this is the one where i’m mostly leaning towards devils' advocate, because this kind of prompt has a hold on the essay-loving side of me and when i tell you it's got claws i Mean it. i have the post clowning on the more. uh clunky and jerky side of the storytelling for this guy and his entire master plot drafted and in the works but this one got Too Long on its own

also, this post is intended as a jumping-off platform for further takes! think of this as me saying “is the earth flat? discuss” but abt whatever the Heck was going on with ballas. varying perspectives etc., and there are some points that i didn’t consider, so with that said i’m all for some further add-ons! this thing is also Not itemized at all it’s potpourri it’s also like 1k words [general content warning here for verbal and emotional abuse/unhealthy relationships, and likely incomplete analysis thereof; also lots of spoilers from the second dream to the new war]

so, ballas. executor of the seven, one of the last surviving orokin, all-around dubious person - but it seems like from the second dream to the sacrifice to the new war, he looked at the slippery slope from “the wet-socks feeling distilled into a man” to “outright abusive in a pretty unfunny way” and he really did grab the sled there now, im not going to b out here dropping phrases off the bat like "rampant narcissistic manipulation" n stuff bc its. a very particular type of language u are employing when you start pulling out the AP psych terms and slinging them around without justifying or dissecting them and also, while DE was very deliberate in the way they wrote him, he is still a video game man. i do, however, find the way he's written to gradually show his worse traits to be really fascinating. like, from the start you know that this guy is kind of bad news and doesn't really care much about how his actions affect others mostly seeing them by the light of his own ego. re: his treatment of margulis, there's always been this almost? dismissive? tone he takes when it comes to the things she has resolved to do on her own? mostly i'm thinking abt some of the lines you hear whispered in the second dream

"Hush, my wilted love. ... tomorrow, you must renounce before the Seven."

i can almost describe the tone here as condescending? like he takes it for granted that his way is correct and that her resolve is this childish thing that he is brushing aside as silly. and then later, after he personally delivers the death sentence, he still seems to believe it's her own fault (!).

"Seven hands raised. For your apostasy, the judgment is death. Margulis… why?"

and my guy knew why; she was very clear in why she chose death. she loved her children too dearly and held her convictions too fiercely, refusing to bow to the court, but instead of acknowledgement, all you get from ballas’s end is this sting of betrayal beautifully delivered by max howarth (in two words no less!! i love this guy's acting). he conveys so well that ballas's disbelief is because she hurt him with her choice, and that's what stood out to him more than anything else. all the way through his story's end, it's like this perceived failing on her part never stops rankling at him and he never stops blaming everyone for it even long after the fact

ballas has a couple traits that start shining through clearer and clearer every time he makes his appearance. there’s his need for control, there’s his vindictiveness, and there is his ego.

he was in one of the, if not the, highest echelons of orokin society. he was one of the executors; he oversaw the creation of the warframes. his influence was such that he could easily silence a dax soldier without raising undue suspicion. ballas comes from a place of power, and even just factoring in the orokin sense of self-aggrandization and superiority, as well as ballas’s own personal character flaws, that makes for a potent mix of prideful and obsessive with the teeth to back it.

but how does his betrayal of the orokin factor in?? how does he handle the hypocrisy that comes from turning his back on his people, because he hurts really badly when the same thing is done to him?? and he doesn’t. he’s already justified himself in his own head (there’s the ego! there’s a refusal to accept blame!). the rest of the orokin made him do this. it’s only right that he turn on them, because they made him pass judgment on margulis, and margulis made him speak the judgment that the orokin forced on him, and he is the blameless one so why shouldn’t they get what they deserve? this mans does olympic level gymnastics jumping through this many mental hoops

so when a particular dax catches wind of his deceit and ballas finds out, his response is nowhere close to shifty or guilt-ridden or anything that would imply he feels Bad about turning on the orokin. he’s angry, and he’s smug, and it’s the first time we see fully just how ugly this man is. rotted through and through

"I've had lifetimes to plan my defection. You spied on me, intercepted my communications, but I saw your move long before you took it. And so... we come to the consequences."

consequences. like justifiable comeuppance? this isn’t the talk of a man who believes he’s wrong and it’s awful bc he’s like that!! the whole time!! he didn’t have to do any of it to umbra; he could have just killed him on the spot. but he drags it out instead, and he doesn’t let it stop at umbra himself, or even just at isaah. ballas makes it clear that in retaliation, he’s going to wipe out everyone umbra cares about.

"This one, a brother. These three, his children. And on and on, all of these gone to the Jade Light."

altogether so far there’s this unwavering belief that he can do no wrong, that nothing in the world is ballas’s fault, and underneath it there’s this malice that just undercuts the whole thiiiing this man is so ugly im. theres no other word for him hes just Ugly great job DE

the thing abt ballas when it comes to margulis the archimedian is that, from his perspective, he seems to have? , really loved her? now, full stop, the problem is that his idea of love is warped beyond all reason. it isn’t the right kind, and it isn’t the healthy kind, and to say that he could do with a reality check or five is an understatement. ballas’s perspective on margulis can be boiled down to I love her, and she is mine to be loved by me, and I know what is best for her. you don’t see him valuing her decisions or taking into account the things that she wants.

re: the flaws of ballas’s relationship to margulis, lundy bancroft puts it pretty succinctly: “Genuine love means respecting the humanity of the other person… This kind of love is incompatible with abuse and coercion.” and he failed on all counts, -11/10

margulis as a character has direction. she has wants. she wants to protect her children. she wants to solve the problem of transference. she wants to salvage the survivors of this wreckage before the orokin destroy them all. she is a brilliant scientific mind and a keen force for compassion and by all accounts, on encountering the zariman problem, she makes the children the focal point of her life, even at the cost of her health.

what ballas sees is margulis turning her back on him to make way for the little void demons. and it’s subtle, the why behind his dislike of the tenno. he’s been calling them devils from that hell the entire time, distrustful of them and reluctant to make use of them.

then the new war happens and it’s. so loud and in your face it’s jealousy this man is jealous of a child because he felt it divided margulis’s affection for him and that possessiveness is integral to what makes him such a shriveled up little pest okay.

and the way he just takes his anger at margulis and places it onto the lotus too? the compartmentalizing is almost impressive. the dissonance. i can’t wrap my head around how this character must think, like??? margulis left me for the demon children. margulis rejected me and chose death instead. she is wicked and spiteful and she is the perfect lover and i miss her every day. the lotus is the new and better margulis. she refuses to be the better margulis??? she is wicked and spiteful unlike my perfect lover margulis like ????? the circles??? the loops??? i dont???

thinking abt why he was like that to the lotus at the end as well, in a lot of ways, ballas finally snapping when he feels an imminent loss of control is like? yeah i can see it. his plan of complete dominion did not succeed completely, and where it did he’s immensely unsatisfied with the shallow compliance of the veiled. but where it didn’t succeed, that’s his focal point, and once he’s getting into his head that he doesn’t have what he wants and it’s all because of this scrawny devil child and the Lotus, who rejected his affection - what else is there to do besides rage?

on that note i still cringe thinking about every single thing he says to her it was textbook. the name-calling. the derision. the refusal to accept blame. i was hiding behind my blanket the whole time

re: the whole eat the sun to power a bus ride to tau thing, ballas did??? speak of tau pretty highly i suppose??? speaking of how the sentients were to bear them “a new, promised land.” maybe?? hes like well who else deserves to see the cool new system than ME and ONLY me. if i can’t have my lover and if i can’t have total control of Everything, Ever then i guess it’s time to Jump Ship and start My Own Club of One. Me.

sigh. the sun-eating thing was. i mean at least there’s a flair for the dramatic that never really goes away

there was a lot of yelling and a lot of doomsday grandstanding and at the end of the day im just glad to be rid of sandal-socks steven

Syndicate's Magic System

Syndicate (working title) takes place in Calson City, a fictional city, in an undetermined but america-like country. The time period is roughly drawn from 1950s-1990s, the variation due to their world being different than ours.

Like alot of of systems, there are different types of magic. Each person-- and this includes everyone-- has an inherited affinity for each type.

Although everyone has a natural affinity, magic is not practiced by everyone for various reasons. Magic is really hard to learn. Theoretically, someone can leanr any type of magic eithin their type, but the skill is so difficult to master most people end up learning one spell within their feild , if any. Magic also takes a lot of energy, limiting how much they can cast, though like many things the more you've practiced the easier it is.

The types and names for people who use each type of magic are:

Gaian: nicknamed as such out of a comment on them playing at gods, Gaian manipulate the energy of the natural world. This includes water, gases, fire, electricity, metal, rock/stone, etc.

Gaian magic is the most accepted, taught, and celebrated. Gaians are the backbone of the work force. One of the most important spells to learn is heat manipulation, as this allows the city to run on Gaian-controlled generators rather than fossil fuels. But Gaian spells make up most of technological advancements, not just energy generation.

Vival: Vival magic is focused around life and the body. Vivals are very valued but the magic taught is highly regulated. The focus has to be on healing, as Vivals can also learn magic rhat takes away life. Vivals who choose to learn magic are often doctors, but some focus on gardening. Vivals can also learn a spell that allows them to determine what type someone inherited.

Chaf: Chafs, or Chaffers, are communication magic, but as Chaf magic has been studied more it was found to be able to explore the connections and bonds between people. Advances in magic are looking into magic that can heal relationships and recover/sever bonds, though most predict that regulations are soon to follow. Commonly, Chafs are very useful in communications, which led to tech such as radios, phones, and messege books.

Nance: comes from "enhance." While most practioners manipulate energy that is already there, Nances can strenthen or raise energy. Nances face the least restrictions but also have the least advances in study. Most use small spells to help out normal life functioning rather than using it as a profession.

Nyp: comes from the derogatory "manipulator," Nyp magic and teachings aren't just regulated, it's illegal. Nyp magic is mental, and Nyps can enter, look inside, and change one's mind. Many can do so just by talking to someone, and fear of them is widespread. No one teaches Nyp magic (other than those connected to illegal interests) and people inheriting Nyp abilities are often not told about it, which isn't that odd since plenty of people go about their lives never learning any spells.

Now looking at those you may think there could be some overlap. Nance and Nyp abilities overlap in abilities to enhance a mental function, Nyp and Chaf when dealing with relationships, Vival and Gaian surely overlap in some ways. And absolutely-- what was once, in this world's history, considered distinct categories is now being studied as possibilities for multidisciplinary magic. The scientific study of magic, Visigiology, is a new feild just starting to make significant discoveries. And remember-- magic is a hard skill to learn. Most master one spell in their lifetime. Finding possibilities of overlap takes great skill and dedication, and these overlaps are rare.

Whispers are the basis of much of this world's advanvements. A whisper is a plant pod from a particular plant, a pod that is miraculously able to store a spell, only casting when the pod is broken. The ability to not have a caster present has led to most of the major technological advancements. No longer does one need a Vival present to heal, a Gaian present to cook, a Chaf present to send messeges (of course, other ways of doing this are possible, non magically, but whispers quickly became preferred due to convenience). And spellcasters have an easier way to make money that takes up less of their time-- before they may need an office,to make appointments, to physically go to the places they are needed. Now they can simply sell spells, created at their convenience. Whispers are as regulatored as spellcasters, with Nyp whispers being illegal for ex, but there is an added protection. A Nyp before getting caught would automatically call for imprisonment. An undetermined person simply selling Nyp whispers can easily claim someone else sold it to them and get off with a fine. Whispers are still on the new side so it hasn't been mastered the besy way to regulate them.

Important Characters & Magic:

Terran: Terran is a Nance who almost exclusively uses the spell "focus." It keeps him thinking, alert, and ready, but as Raymond observes, also makes him not care much about others. His constant spell use exhausts him, making him constantly tired but often not aware of it. The focus spell makes ot very hard for Nyps to get into his head, as does the persona he adopts.

Raymond: Raymond is a VERY talented Nyp. Most people have an interest in and learn to understand their magic. Raymond naturally connects with it, and his magic is a natural and integral part of him. He is so in tune with the minds of those around him that he is able to test the limits of Nyp magic, including able to undo Terran's focus spell. He's studying psychology to better understand it, something that most colleges bar Nyps from learning for this very reason.

Mika: Raymond’s twin sisyer and also a Nyp. She has less of an affinity for it and doesn't test it partially because she's afraid of how people may take advantage and even has some moral reservations. Her specialty is emotional manipulation, where Raymond has a more cognitive interest, she can draw out different emotions. She can tell when people are lying to her very well.

Zachary: Terran's uncle, guardian, and mentor. Gaian with a fire/heat focus. Zachary uses this ability in assassination but also to control those around him. (TW: abuse) He used burning as a punishment in order to train Terran when he was teaching him to be an assassin.

Jodi: A bit of a more minor character, a Chaf who is studying Visigiology. A freind of Raymond’s. Not a master, but good enough to do some more advanced Chaf magic, specically dealing with bonds. She's interested in the theoretical overlap of different magic types.

I don't actually have a Vival character (I think the Judge is but I haven't introduced him yet).

So... What do you think about revisiting Danny phantom in general? Revisiting the fandom I've noticed a lot of fanfic that have Danny's parents finding out his deal rather violently, or generally having more violence/angst than the original show..

I’m assuming you’re sending me this ask because of my recent burst of Danny Phantom art, so, it’s probably not a surprise to say I’m doing a certain amount of revisiting myself, and certainly not about to shame anyone else for it. It was a very dear cartoon to me in many ways and left some enduring hallmarks on my own writing, and I can absolutely understand people feeling the same way.

That said, as someone who’s been in this fandom for a while, albeit quietly- there certainly is a thread of macabre interest in fandom spaces, one I don’t always know that I agree with, especially when it comes to the Fentons.

My personal verdict on the Fenton parents specifically is I think they are not handled fairly by canon. This is a problem that Danny Phantom as a show shares with Fairly Odd Parents, though I would argue the Turner parents in FOP are quite a bit worse at this.

Roughly, I think how the Fenton parents are canonically depicted suffers from a phenomenon that affects many parts of the show: DP, as a series, has a bit of a sense of confused priorities between comedy and drama, and as a result, what’s 'real’ in-universe and what’s “just supposed to be a joke”. The kind of humor that DP tends to spring for is exaggerated or shocking behavior- it also tends to be a humor that hinges on the idea that other people are generally inconvenient to the main character. So humor-characterization is inconsistent here- Jack is negligent until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as overbearing (see: Girl’s Night Out and other cases he desperately wants to bond with Danny) he’s a recluse only loved by his wife until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as having an active social life (Masters Of All Time and that he and Maddie are going to a themed party so they’re dressed ‘weirdly’ in public)

A big victim of this is Jack’s sense that ghosts aren’t people and his desire to dissect them. Because here is the thing: it’s all talk, in the worst way. It hinges on the idea Jack- someone who knows enough of what he’s doing that along with Maddie and, in the past, Vlad- ripped two different holes in reality hard enough to permanently alter someone’s relation to undeath- has never seen a ghost before the series as he says in Mystery Meat.

The series has a big problem where it hinges on the Fentons’ inventions and expertise but also wants to treat them like idiots constantly. And if you notice how much I’m talking exclusively about Jack- that’s part of the problem. Maddie, in many ways, outside of episodes that throw her a bone, despite constantly being told by people she’s too good for Jack, is really treated as an extension of Jack. Masters Of All Time even suggests that her choosing Jack in the first place was just a path of least resistance between her two college friends, and she’d have married whichever one stuck around. 

The Fentons are not respected as experts, so Jack is given his ignorant line about dissecting a ghost. The Fentons need to remain exaggerated, ridiculous, an inconvenience to Danny- so they threaten his alter ego and point guns at him, but this is funny and not serious and not a reason to be worried about them as parents, because they are not on Danny’s level. Nobody is ever on Danny’s level. There is literally an episode called The Ultimate Enemy. The antagonist is an evil future Danny. The only person who could ever be Danny’s ultimate nemesis is Danny himself. 

And when the series stops milking the Fentons for jokes about how they’re so stupid and how Jack is an idiot and Maddie married that idiot but even she doesn’t respect him even though she loves him and dutifully follows him everywhere and god how can these people care about ghosts they’re so ignorant and out of their league- 

-then it kinda shuffles its feet awkwardly and goes, yeah. the Fentons love each other, and love their kids.

Yeah, Jack has framed photographs of Maddie, Jazz, and Danny on his personal workstation.

Yeah, in Mystery Meat Jack was seriously debating walking away from his lifework because it upset one of his kids. 

Yeah, every time in canon the Fentons find out Danny’s secret they’re immediately all in supporting him.

Yeah, even not knowing it’s Danny, Jack has an amiable conversation with him in Million Dollar Ghost and the ghost containment units designed by the Fentons get some jokes about that they’re a little cramped but they aren’t horrifying prisons of inhumanity- and as soon as Danny Phantom the ghost boy has a good point, Jack lets him go on purpose. 

Yeah, Jack is a competent ghost hunter who can take on Skulker and win as well as beat down the giant lake monster Skulker brought with him in Girls’ Night Out and would do this in a heartbeat, no jokes and no sidetracks, because that monster just chewed on his baby boy and nobody does that to his baby boy.

Yeah, Maternal Instinct is an entire episode of Maddie throwing hands with (or deceiving and manipulating) literally anything she thinks was responsible for getting Danny in this dangerous situation.

...And then the series says “but that’s not funny! Here, have jokes about the Fenton Stockades, that exist and have spikes and Jack wants to put his kids in them for time out, when the spikes apparently don’t hurt given Jack is not injured for being put in there. Here, have a joke about Jack attacking Jazz with a vacuum cleaner because he gets hellbent on the idea she’s possessed for no good reason. Here, have an uncomfortable joke about how badly Jack Fenton wants to vivisect a ghost while it screams. Funny funny funny. Why- why are you flinching?”

It basically creates a comedic situation where the show is constantly winding up like it’s gonna punch you- with the idea that the Fentons are bad parents and this has consequences for Danny and Jazz personally- and then laughs in your face if you flinch. It’ll never actually punch you- but it will sure keep swinging its hand really close to your face and laughing at your reactions.

This is, I’m just gonna say- one of the worst elements of the series, this weird relationship it has with “hahaha are we depicting an abusive family or not? ;)” where its actual point is that Jack Fenton is a person who should be shamed for being overzealous, for caring about this niche field, because nobody cares about ghosts! (unless the entire premise of the show does) Nobody wants to think about ghost science! That’s LAME! (unless Vlad does it)

So I think ultimately this creates a polarizing experience in the fandom. What part of this information do you take?

Do you take, say, my personal approach, which is: 

“Hey, so it’s pretty clear and consistent that the Fentons love their kids and wouldn’t hurt them. The Fentons are nice people. They can be obsessive or headstrong but there’s nuanced and salient ways to examine this in the basic framework that they care, both about their family specifically, and in general- and while I think they can have flaws or conflicts with their kids, and with ambient ghosts in the world, I really don’t think they’re in danger of torturing a sapient entity in their basement and it frustrates and annoys me that canon ‘makes a joke’ of them doing these things because it thinks they’re so incompetent that these things are not really malicious actions, when- whether or not you successfully shoot them, it takes a certain kind of person to point a weapon you know is dangerous at something that looks, and talks, like a fourteen-year-old, especially when you’re a parent who has probably at least once in your life worried about something happening to your kids, and the ghost of a teenager means something happened to someone’s kid, in a general sense.

So my end conclusion on the Fentons is I think they are being depicted in a kind of metatextual bad faith, that they are not cruel or malicious people, and in my personal take or understanding on the series, I’d massively dial down those elements, and if any remain, take them seriously as problems they have in their relationships with other people.”

Or do you take an approach more rooted in,

“If the Fentons are shown to be negligent parents they are negligent parents, I’m going to examine and depict them as that, and I find this very hard to forgive, so it’s going to have real and nasty consequences.”

Both are basically valid. The place where I tend to get a little uncomfortable is twofold:

First, I think sometimes people just really want some fictional tragedy to either create or consume, and to that end, you aren’t going to get much juicy drama out of the Fentons being reasonable people. This isn’t evil or unforgivable, but for me, it’s definitely my least favorite fannish content to create or consume. I’m no fan of angst for angst’s sake, and I feel like there’s enough misery and heartbreak in the world that I’m not interested in wallowing in it unless it’s got something interesting to say.

Second- and this is a point I’m gonna be saltier: A lot of abusive Fenton fics that refuse to forgive them for the poorer-taste jokes the series makes, simultaneously give Vlad a blank check, when he has done targetedly malicious things to Danny. 

Now- do I also have a more sympathetic read on Vlad, and feel like canon also gives him a bad rap? Yeah! But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say, “I can’t forgive the Fentons for stuff that was tagged onto them because canon thought it was funny, but I’m gonna editorialize Vlad’s depiction to lionize him as the ideal parent figure for Danny to run into the arms of.”

And the main reason I get so worked up in this, is I feel like Jack in particular (when Maddie is characterized as subordinate to Jack, following his cues, etc., and that’s its own demon) is... characterized as kind of a mocking caricature of traits that I personally recognize as an autistic and ADHD person.

Because the reality is? In many practical ways, I am Jack Fenton.

I like a bunch of weird stuff people find unacceptable or gross, like bugs

I’m hyperlexic (that means I talk, a lot)

Scatterbrained, forget words or where I left something or, sometimes, to do something important

Passionate and excitable including and especially in situations where it’s not normal, or expected, to have this much energy

I absolutely can forget birthdays, even for people I love dearly that mean the world to me! It’s horrible! There’s almost nothing I can do about it! My brain refuses to hold onto this information reliably and no amount of caring fixes it.

And being this way, living like this? My worst nightmare has always been that people think I either don’t care or that I’m just too much of a stupid, flippant buffoon to get right.

The thing about Jack is he’s “a person like me” and he’s “a person like me” who was designed to be a joke. We’re clearly expected to view him as untrustworthy, stupid, just like a big dumb dog of a man who barks in the wrong directions, who sometimes, when it counts, fetches a stick like he’s supposed to. Good job, Lassie. You got little Timmy out of the well.

And I am going to say with certainty and confidence that feeling like this is how people see me is the most unbelievably crushing feeling I have ever experienced in my life. That my excitement and passion means I’m unprofessional, stupid, don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s nearly painful for me, as an adult, to watch Danny Phantom because the show can never get off Jack’s case. And the few times it does, he hauls overtime arduously to make a difference, to help, to build something that will protect others, to put his own life on the line to stop hostile ghosts.

And immediately, then he goes back to being stupid stupid dog man. ha ha. why does his wife love him? no wonder his kids don’t ever want to be seen with him. no wonder his best friend is trying to kill him and he doesn’t even know, the big idiot.

(never mind that we see a scenario where he does know. and admits he would’ve forgiven Vlad anyway. but he can’t forgive Vlad hurting Danny.)

So to rein in this wild tangent: I’m not saying all must love Jack Fenton and despair. I’m not even telling people to hide their angst. If I have a sincere request, it’s this:

If you’re inclined to thinking of Vlad as a cool, troubled, complex person (as I do!) and are haunted by the implications of The Ultimate Enemy specifically for Vlad, that when Danny lost everyone else in his life that Vlad really genuinely tried to help, and was not gloating and happy and victorious to have Danny as his protege, and when that went badly, he was haunted to the end of his days by not having been able to help-

-but immediately turn around and think Jack is just a rotten awful person who’d absolutely hurt his own kid in spite of canon to the contrary (when there’s just as much, if not more, canon of Vlad being willfully hostile)

It might be good to examine why you’re feeling this way, and if this might not come down to the fact that even when canon has people call Vlad a desperately lonely fruit loop, it has a lot more respect for him than it does for Jack, and this isn’t because it’s actually taking a stance against any of the qualities it gave Jack that someone might find disagreeable- it’s because Jack’s just “a big old fat idiot nobody likes, right?”

and that’s... not something comfy to buy into.

Yes let's go for a summary !

This isn’t the first anon, but I too have never watched succession but I too accidentally got a bit attached to Tom without having any idea what was going on 😅 (Although enough people I follow have gotten into succession that I think I’ve gathered the gist of it now)

SO. I imagine you've gathered that succession is a show about bad rich people with feelings yes? the main family in particular the roy siblings are all children of an abusive, manipulative father (and an emotionally neglectful mother). In their world everyone is manipulative to get to the top.

Tom though is an outsider. he's from that world of rich business people to some extent or he rose to that position from upper middle class presumably. but his position is precarious. He is Diana Spencer marrying into a rich, royal family trying to navigate it and gain approval.

He is sooooo sososo fascinating because his behavior is incredibly different depending on who's talking to. He's dating the boss' daughter so he's a bit of a suck up and he's over eager to please. Except with Greg who he feels a sense of kinship with since theyre both outsiders and Tom is thee People's Princess. so he takes on this mentor responsibility for him and gets a sense of power/control through their working relationship due to company and social hierarchy. Not to mention he has very genuine feelings and undeniable attraction to greg too so his interactions with him are comically bizarre and downright feral sometimes. he can verbally abusive and physically aggressive at best earlier on in the show.

A lot of that comes a place of needing control and an emotional outlet for his sadness/frustration/anger that he feels in his marriage to a powerful woman who has much more conditional love. I think he genuinely loves her as much as he can love the "real" her but their marriage is fairly empty and devoid of genuine affection emotional fulfillment that tom really craves.

They're all not good people who lie, manipulate, blackmail etc etc but Tom is not the worst by far in my humble opinion. the more negative/toxic relationships he has are with his wife and with greg. over time him and greg essentially become good friends and gain respect/trust for the other (relatively speaking, it's not 100%). and with his wife shiv... we see him get manipulated, emotionally neglected, cheated on etc. so much in that you can't help but root for him to please please Get A Divorce!

Also, I get the sense that Tom is not a wholly bad person who does bad things by nature; rather he will do bad things to outsmart and outwit the competition and to survive in their corporate world and societal snake pit. He desperately wants to gain trust, and to be kind and loving to those he loves, but at this same time he is the epitome of "you accept the love you think you deserve." Though I credit a lot of his recent growth in that respect to his budding relationship with greg next to his worsening marriage. so he's finally growing a spine and that's really exciting.

everything i've wrote i stand by but all feels woefully inadequate. i could write a master thesis on tom wambsgans probably.

OC Music Meme

I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad​ , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim​ , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!

Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣

        List one or more songs that relate to the following

*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!

reminds you of them most:

Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right

Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3 

Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)

Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).

reminds another character of them:

All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.”  Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.

Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)

Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.

Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.”  This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)

Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.

Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.

Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO  Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of  Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)

Prostitution or sex work? Language matters

This article is by Laura Biggs, from the Marxist-Feminist blog On the Woman Question.

The term ‘sex work’ has come to replace the word ‘prostitution’ in contemporary discussions on the subject. This is not accidental. The phrase ‘sex work’ has been adopted by liberal feminists and powerful lobbyists in a deliberate attempt to steer the narrative on prostitution.

Smoke and Mirrors

Superficially, the term ‘sex work’ is intended to make prostitution sound more palatable. It is used to remove the negative connotations of the sex industry and those who work within it. However, sanitising the horror of prostitution with such benign terms is a monumental disservice to the tens of millions of prostituted women around the world. Their experiences cannot be celebrated as ‘work’. The vast majority of their experiences are dirty and degrading. What a handful of relatively privileged Western women working in the sex trade may deem to be ‘work’ is perceived as humiliation and degradation by millions of others. Some argue that the term ‘sex work’ removes the stigma and vitriol directed at prostituted women, but this fails to address the problem. Prostituted women are hurt and violated by buyers because the sex trade enables abusive men — not because of the language used to discuss it. Suggesting that the word ‘prostitution’ is to blame for the suffering of prostituted women shifts blame away from the perpetrators of male violence and overlooks the institutional systems which allow it to flourish. It is absolutely vital that we do talk about the ugly reality of prostitution, and to do so we must begin by naming the issue in no uncertain terms: prostitution.

Reinventing prostitution as ‘sex work’ also masks the deeply misogynistic nature of the sex trade. The word ‘prostitute’ is one which is heavily gendered; it connotes women. The Oxford English Dictionary acknowledges this in their definition of the word: A person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment. So gendered is the word, in fact, that when referring to men in the sex industry, the descriptor ‘male’ is added in order to make the distinction (male prostitute). This is not an outdated, sexist misconception but an accurate reflection of the gender balance within sex trade. The vast majority of those who are prostituted are women and girls while the vast majority of buyers and pimps are men. Obfuscating the gendered nature of prostitution by rebranding it as ‘sex work’ erases the millennia of misogynistic oppression inherent in the sex trade. It is likely that commercial prostitution (separate and distinct from temple prostitution) is derived from ancient slavery. The physicality of male slaves meant that they were often utilised for manual labour whilst female slaves were more likely to be reserved for domestic or entertainment purposes. In many Ancient societies, women could not own property and therefore slave masters were predominantly male. As a result, female slaves were often used for the sexual entertainment of their male owner. Slave owners frequently rented out their female slaves as prostitutes and even set up commercial brothels. Prostitution, born out of sexual slavery, has always disproportionately affected women belonging to lower socioeconomic classes. It is crucial to acknowledge the origin and history of prostitution in order to understand that it is not ‘work like any other’ but an industry built upon the oppression of poor women.

A Wide Umbrella

‘Sex work’ is a vague term which refers to people selling their own sexual labour or performance. This can therefore include any number of professions such as webcamming, stripping, hostessing, escorting etc. Whilst any profession which exists solely to sexualise women is objectively antifeminist, it is important that we acknowledge that prostitution is distinct from these other milder forms of objectification. Clearly, the experiences of a student flirting with strangers via webcam to top up their student loan differs greatly from those of a vulnerable sixteen year old girl, trafficked from Romania, walking the streets. The job description of a prostitute lists acts and risks which are not common to other jobs: risk of STIs; unwanted pregnancy; unprotected handling of bodily fluids; degrading, painful and even tortuous sex; vaginal and anal tears; high risk of PTSD — not to mention the significantly increased risk of rape, assault and murder. Even within the sex industry, the experiences of prostituted women are uniquely harrowing and so it is essential that we prioritise these women in legislation on prostitution reform. By grouping all sex-related professions under the wide umbrella of ‘sex work’, those in less dangerous and degrading jobs have now been given the authority to speak on behalf of prostituted women, thus silencing the most oppressed voices within the sex industry. Individuals whose experiences have little in common with those of prostitutes are spearheading movements whose aims will have a direct and adverse effect upon the safety and wellbeing of these vulnerable women. The wide scope of the term ‘sex work’ allows wealthy lobbyists to use compliant liberal women as the mouthpiece for their damaging narrative whilst simultaneously pushing the experiences of those who are worst affected by the sex trade into the background.

In some cases, the term ‘sex workers’ is so broad that it includes pimps. Borrowing the language of the labour movement, pro-decriminalisation lobbies brand themselves as ‘collectives’ or ‘unions’ and demand decriminalisation under the pretence of ‘worker’s rights’. Douglas Fox, of the International Union of Sex Workers, describes himself as a sex worker yet is the co-owner of the one of the largest escort agencies in the country. The agency’s website argues that pimps are ‘sex workers’ and Fox also shockingly states that ‘the fact that paedophiles produce and distribute and earn money from selling sex may make them sex workers’. Similarly, the Sex Workers’ Outreach Project USA was founded by Robyn Few, a self-proclaimed sex worker who has a conviction for conspiracy to promote interstate prostitution (pimping). Unionising prostitution legitimises an industry which causes untold suffering to millions of women around the world. It is absurd to allow pimps to join these unions alongside those who they abuse and exploit. No amount of ‘worker’s rights’ will ever make prostitution a safe or humane profession. An inherently unethical system cannot be fixed through reform. A radical solution is needed: abolition.

An Appeal to Socialists

Describing prostitution as ‘work’ and its victims as ‘workers’ is a cheap and transparent appeal to socialists. Using Marxist jargon to describe prostitution as ‘work like any other’ is an insult to history’s great communists who condemned prostitution as counter-revolutionary. Under Mao, whose policy of criminalising pimps was implemented as soon as he took power, prostitution was virtually nonexistent. Engels himself asserted that communism would ‘transform the relations between sexes into entirely personal relations’. Therefore, any economic relationship between man and woman, particularly the grossly exploitative one between prostituted women and buyers, is inherently anti-communist. Lenin, too, commented that ‘so long as wage-slavery exists, inevitably prostitution too will exist’, demonstrating that he also believed prostitution to be inextricably bound to capitalist exploitation.

However, a significant portion of the woke left insist upon misinterpreting and misapplying Marxist theory to legitimise the continuance of the sex trade. They claim that by declaring prostitution to be ‘a specific expression of the general prostitution of the labourer’, Marx understood the position of prostituted women to be identical to that of all exploited workers. However, this wilfully overlooks Marx’s use of the word ‘specific’. In reality, Marx is suggesting that, whilst prostitution falls under the general banner of exploitation, its reliance on the oppression of women differentiates it from the ‘general prostitution of the labourer’ and makes it ‘specific’ to the female condition. If capitalist exploitation were removed, labour would continue to be necessary for the subsistence of any given society. In contrast, prostitution without capitalist exploitation ceases to exist; sex, devoid of economic coercion, would become a purely interpersonal relationship. In Private Property and Communism, Marx goes on to say that communism aims ‘to do away with the status of women as mere instruments of production’. Pro-prostitution arguments which characterise prostitution as ‘work’ inherently reinforce the perception of female bodies as machines which produce a commodity (sex) for male consumption. The objectification of female bodies, whether exploitative or not, is plainly incorrect and so cannot be supported by any Marxist movement.

There’s More to it Than Money

Framing prostitution as ‘work’ deliberately reduces it to a purely economic analysis. Any analysis devoid of historical materialism is wholly inadequate and will invariably fail to offer a comprehensive examination of the issue. It is vital to acknowledge the social factors which lead women into prostitution: low self esteem, childhood sexual trauma, incest etc. It is unsurprising that some of these vulnerable women embrace the ‘sex work is empowering’ narrative. Language which clouds the abject reality of their situation is undoubtedly appealing and so it is all the more immoral and manipulative for pimps, traffickers and lobbyists to push this sinister doublespeak. The insistent claim from liberal feminists that prostitution is merely ‘sex work’ does not recognise the existence of the social factors which predispose women to sell sex and so naturally prevents positive change to combat them. Prostitution, therefore, is much more than capitalist wage slavery and so we must reject any attempts to render it mere ‘work’.

Who are your top 10 female villains? And your top ten male villains? Thank you!

Oooooh. Well, in this list I am including antagonists (people I see as conflicted/not committed to like, the bad side, if there even is a bad side, but basically oppose the protagonist at some point). Also, they are in no particular order:

Female Villains:

Cersei Lannister (A Song of Ice and Fire)

She's sympathetic enough so that we understand how she came to be the way she is, yet terrifying and depraved enough that we fear for the characters around her. I don't think that's an easy balance to strike for a character: if you make them likable it's hard to keep audiences from rooting for them, but the balance is struck perfectly with Cersei.

Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

As @aspoonofsugar wrote recently on Azula, I think she is a fantastic female villain. I think she is sympathetic despite her actions, and I wish the story had explored her redemption, which was clearly hinted.

Claudia (The Dragon Prince)

The first three seasons have kind of been Claudia's fall. While as a whole I don't think TDP is very well-written, I do think that Claudia, Viren, and Soren's family dynamic is a polished gem of writing that literally carries the story. I fully expect to see redemption for Claudia down the line, but not until she spirals further and further. At the end of season 3, Claudia resorts to killing someone to save her father's life when she has nothing and no one else left, and she makes this choice after her brother Soren (now redeemed himself) chooses to kill their father in front of Claudia, devastating her. Their choices are clear parallels and both are somewhat negative, somewhat sympathetic. Soren can't kill his past: he has to live with it, and Claudia can't cling to the past: she has to let it go.

Delores Umbridge (Harry Potter)

She is awful and I hate her, but you're also supposed to hate her. Her comeuppance is hilarious ad perfect, and just--I think she's a fantastic villain because she reminds every single one of us of an albeit exaggerated version of a teacher we all know.

Karren von Rosewald (Tokyo Ghoul:re)

Karren is TG:re's best written character in my opinion. Her tragic arc takes place throughout the first three arcs, which imo is also the highest point in the series. Karren just wanted to be loved, and if she had to die, at least she got to die as herself. 

Nora (Noragami)

Nora! The reason I read Noragami is pretty much for Nora and her redemption arc. The fandom hates her for... reasons, but she's always been primed for redemption. Her name is in the title (which yes also refers to Yato, etc.) She's important. I wrote a few metas on Nora, notably here.

Enoshima Junko (Danganronpa)

Despair. It's fun to find a character who is, well, just plain fun, but who is also bored, despairing, cruel, and terrifying. She's unique and a brillaint character.

Toga Himiko (Boku no Hero Academia)

I'm not the first one to say that Toga is BNHA's best written female character, but I do agree that she is. She, like Junko, is fun and interesting, and she has an arc that is compelling. Her actions directly move the plot; she’s bloodthirsty and yet uniquely empathetic and compassionate. 

Yoshimura Eto (Tokyo Ghoul)

Eto's backstory and her motivations were fascinating. She was one of the most complex characters in the entire story, and despite the fact that you understood why her father gave her up, you also understood her pain and justified anger at his doing so. She perfectly illustrated the divide between human and ghoul.

Male Villains:

Shigaraki Tomura (Boku no Hero Academia)

BNHA's best-written male character, imo. His backstory and the current chapters that focus on him are extremely well-done, thematic and full of character development, and detailed artistically. He gets so much focus that I can tell he's important to Horikoshi, and I'm excited to see where he goes.

Dabi (Boku no Hero Academia)

I'll admit there's a lot missing here. Namely, we don't know his identity for certain, but it seems basically certain that he's Todoroki Touya; however, we still don't have his backstory. Still, his fury at the presumed father who destroyed his family and yet has the audacity to be a "symbol of hope" is fascinating to me, and I'm excited to see how he develops as well. (Both Shigaraki and Dabi seem primed for some kind of redemption).

Adult Trio: Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka Morow, Chrollo Lucilfer (Hunter x Hunter)

Am I counting these three as one so that I can get extra characters? Of course I am. In all honesty I really think all three of these antagonists are really well done, sympathetic and/or likable. They're the shadows of the three MCs they foil: for Illumi, Killua, for Hisoka, Gon, and for Chrollo, Kurapika. They represent the traits the three protagonists (sorry Leorio) don't want to acknowledge in themselves, and therefore their encounters with their shadows are particularly thematic and powerful. Also, one doesn't usually kill their shadow, but instead integrates with it, so I highly doubt the three of them will be killed by their respective protagonist.

Meruem (Hunter x Hunter)

Yes, again, HxH. It has great antagonists. But Meruem's development is literally one of the most powerful I've ever read about. I don't know anyone who starts his story not loathing him, hoping he dies, and then by the end of it, ebfore you've even realized it's happening, you're crying for him and Komugi. His arc explores human nature at its finest, most horrific, and ultimately most beautiful.

Furuta Nimura (Tokyo Ghoul:re)

Furuta's a fantastic villain whom I wish got a better ending (not even redeemed really, but just... something more). He was so damaged by the system of an unfair world that he made it his life goal to become the villain and burn the system down, destroy it no matter what it took--and also hoped to destroy himself in the process, as he was born knowing he would die young and longed for it. I wish he had been forced to live.

Mori Ougai (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Mori's utilitarianism is chilling. He's not exactly unlikable, despite being absolutely morally repugnant, and the Beast AU from Asagiri himself shows us that Mori is certainly capable of a positive life and positive change; however, within the canonical story, I don't see that for him. He's been set up IMO as the final boss of the series, and his habit of targeting the most vulnerable (especially children) to control people is almost certainly going to bite Dazai in the ass eventually.

Eren Jaeger (Shingeki no Kyojin)

I can't believe I'm writing this. I don't know what to call Eren: he's the protagonist, and he's sunk to becoming the final boss. While it's possible he, like Furuta and like Lelouch of Code Geass, is playing the villain, I really hope not, as I think the themes are much more powerful if Eren sincerely believes what he proclaims to believe. He's a kid who has always wanted to fight for freedom and for the people around him, and now we're seeing the dark side of those traits, wherein he's destroying the world via genocide to save the people close to him. He's driven by fear and by anger at the cruelty and unfairness of the world, and he's forgotten the beauty of it. I hope Mikasa can  remind him before the end.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky (Bungo Stray Dogs)

MY BOY. Look if a character is named after my very favorite real-life author, I must stan. But actually I do think Fyodor is well written and a master manipulator. He's modeled after my favorite character in all of fiction, Dostoyesvky's Demons' Alexei Kirillov. He really seems to want human connection, to live, and has forgotten that empathy is an important and necessary part of both of those. I hope--and think it is likely given BSD's prolific redemption arcs--that he will remember eventually.

Lee Yut-Lung (Banana Fish)

Again,, he's less a villain than an antagonist. Like Ash, the main character, he is a teenage boy betrayed by the people who were supposed to protect him and abused his whole entire life. He's driven by a desperate need to be loved and jealousy that Ash is loved while he is not. His ending, when Sing finally tells him he will in fact be staying by Yut-Lung's side and will help Yut-Lung redeem himself, "because you're in pain... your soul's bleeding, even now" is literally the perfect ending for him.

Jin Guangyao (Mo Dao Zu Shi)

I've written a lot on Jin Guangyao, but he's a walking tragedy. He ties with Wei Wuxian, the protagonist, as my favorite, and the reason is because they are two sides of the same coin--in fact, they're the same side of the same coin. They're not very different, and the fact that he finally at least got empathy in the end and was able to push the person he loved most to safety because of that--well. Brb time to cry.

Uriel Zeriah • 38 • Male (he/him) • Metahuman • Nephilim Physiology • Nephilim

BIOGRAPHY

Uriel was born in a small town to a single mother who died during childbirth. He was raised in an orphanage run by the local church. The local pastor in charge of the orphanage was a very hellfire and brimstone style preacher who harbored anti-meta bigotry and passed this bigotry on to the orphans that were in his charge. In addition to his preaching style, the pastor was a firm believer in the ‘spare the rod; spoil the child’ parenting style. The children in his care were beaten and starved for the smallest infractions, including the circumstances revolving around their births. Uri was often a victim of these abuses considering he was born to an unmarried woman who had what the pastor considered ‘loose morals’.

One day, Uriel was once again the target of the pastor’s ire. During this particular tirade, the pastor was beating Uriel, lecturing on the evils of metahumans and how they were a curse visited upon humanity by god for their wicked ways.  Uriel snapped, his powers coming to the fore and blasted out from him, killing the pastor and setting fire to the orphanage. Uriel was one of the few children to survive, the adults having been caught in the burning building. After being rescued by the local authorities, all of the children were placed under medical and psychiatric care to reverse the damage that had been done to them, but it was too late for Uriel. Uriel had internalized the pastor’s teachings, but his personal revelation that he was a meta, twisted the man’s teachings. Uriel became convinced that metas were not a plague on humanity but instead the result divine interbreeding by the fallen angels, the Nephilim reborn.  Uriel believes that it is the destiny of the metas to regain their rightful place as the rulers of the Earth and the masters of humanity.

Uriel managed to hide his beliefs from the psychiatrists and nursed it internally, becoming more and more firmly seated in his delusions that metas were superior to humans. Unlike his delusions however, Uriel reveled in his powers, finding any excuse to bask in the glory he felt they would lead him to. As a teenager, Uriel was captured by bounty hunters looking for metas for underground fighting arenas. Instead of fighting against his captors Uriel used this opportunity to push his ideology, converting strong but weak minded metas to his cause. As his fighting fame grew, he was sold to Moxxi’s Madhouse where he continued his quest to raise a meta army to enslave humanity. Uriel’s fame continued to grow until Moxxi made him a partner in her organization. Uriel uses Moxxi’s organization, wealth, and influence to further his goal; converting the strongest and smartest fighters to his ranks.

After establishing the Nephilim in Pansaw and setting them on the path to reclaim their lost glory, Uriel left Pansaw to track down and assassinate the senator who authored the Metahuman Registration Act. It was a fairly simple task for someone of Uriel’s ability but something happened on the way back to Pansaw. Uriel’s powers began to metamorphosize. Instead of drawing on the power of Light, Uriel began to sense more changes in both himself and his power. Determined to get his changing powers under control, Uriel remained absent from Pansaw until his powers were fully under his control.

After leading his people on an attack, Uriel was defeated by the combined might of CARMA, the Rebel Army, and various Civilians, his body destroyed beyond recovery.  Since that point, Uriel’s essence existed within the Aether itself.  Once he had gathered himself once more, Uriel reached out to Mari through visions and dreams, guiding her along the path to resurrecting him once more.

POWERS

NEPHILIM PHYSIOLOGY: The power to have the traits and powers of a nephilim.

WEAKNESSES

Danger Intuition – May be unable to sense remote dangers, may be unable to divert oneself from attacks, could be fooled by someone you trust. Flight – may require air/atmosphere to maintain lift, cannot go beyond borders of atmosphere, may suffer from cold/altitude sickness without adaptation skills. Semi-Immortality – may still suffer from mortal wounds and death/dying. Supernatural Condition - Given how obviously superior the user is compared to the normal members of his/her species, some level of megalomania, messianic complex and/or similar problems with attitude are a very real possibility. Aether/Nether Manipulation - Distance, mass, precision, etc. depend upon of the knowledge, skill, and strength of the user, and their power’s natural limits. Extensive use of powers over a long period of time could deplete one’s energy reserves.

PERSONALITY

+ Charming + Persuasive + Determined

– Delusional – Narcissistic – Megalomaniacal

30 Uncommon Character Development Questions: Noara Starspark

No one asked, but I wanted to do these for Noara. Writing the last little bit has been a struggle (between new job, this quarantine stuff and the fucking earthquake it’s a wonder I can concentrate on anything) so making myself think about these questions is a good exercise. Plus it was a good reason to use this beautiful sketch that @dingoat​‘s Ahuska did of my beautiful Jedi girl. 

30 Uncommon Character Development Questions and because I did all 30 of them I put it under the cut, just to be polite.

What position does your character sleep in? ( i.e; stomach, side, back, etc. ) Describe why they do this — optional. In a bed that is in a safe location, as much ‘hers’ as any bed ever is, Noara is a starfish. Stretching out across the surface, wrapping the blanket around her limbs, moving in reaction to whatever is happening in her mind. In the field? She doesn’t move much, sleeping lightly enough to wake if anything about her environment changes. It’s not about getting a good night’s sleep in that situation, just getting enough rest to keep going.

Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etc. Noara has a noticeable scar on her right cheek but few people look close enough to see the claw mark scars on her neck that she received at the same time. The wounds there were thankfully not as deep as the one on her face.

Does your character have an accent? What does it sound like? Not really, she grew up on a planet that isn’t known for any particular accent and speaks a fairly basic form of Basic with little deviation/special pronunciations.

Do they have any verbal tics? Do they have trouble pronouncing certain words or getting their thoughts across clearly? When she is flustered or nervous she doesn’t quite stutter but she has a hard time getting the words out and will often start to say one and then have to stop midword to change it because it’s not the one she wanted to say.

What are their chief tension areas? Her shoulders and lower back. She tries her best to present an image of a strong, mature Jedi Master that is capable to carry the heavy responsibilities given to her.  

If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why? Choosing just one is hard, I have a whole playlist for her and most of them could work as the “one” song to sum Noara up but I think I need to go with Brighter by Patent Pending. It is a great mix of being optimistic about the future but also jaded and weighed down by the past, which is very Noara. She has a hard time dealing with everything that has happened to her but refuses to let it define her and never looses sight of the hope that life will get better.

How does your character perceive themselves? Positive? Negative? Neutral? She tends more toward the negative. Noara has no illusions about her lot in life, she is important to a lot of people but not because of who she is - just for what she can do. Her abilities are far more valued than she is for just being herself. Depending on the version of her this is more extreme, in I’ve Got You she is very convinced her abilities are the only why people are around her, in Jedi Sitters she feels like she is a failure as a Jedi because of what happened when she was under the Emperor’s control (and the very fact she was able to being manipulated so completely) and my Sith version of her that I don’t talk about as much as I would like to has no illusions that anyone cares about her until a very stubborn Mandalorian/Republic spy Fynta enters her life.

Are they a quick thinker or do they need time to sort through their thoughts? Quick for sure, she is pretty impulsive actually. When she has time to sort through her thoughts she usually ends up second guessing and doubting herself. Gotta make those choices before her insecurities can catch up.

Does your character dream or are their nights filled with an empty blackness? Describe a dream they’ve had or a night they couldn’t sleep and what they did to preoccupy their time. This one also depends a bit on which version of Noara. In I’ve Got You she doesn’t dream often, or even deal with nightmares, until Valkorian decides it’s a good way to try and manipulate her. Jedi Sitters Noara has constant nightmares and avoids sleep as much as possible, staying up later with caf or meditating until she passes out from exhaustion. Sith Noara’s life is a nightmare, why would sleeping be any different?

If they had a choice, would they prefer a subway or a bus for public transportation? It would be a major trial for Noara to ever be on a subway, it would be very triggering for her claustrophobia. Busses only work because she can see out the windows, doesn’t feel as trapped as she would knowing she was inside a tunnel underground.

What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like? Noara trusts in the Force but has never been a very religion driven person. She knows the Force is there, and what it does, but big questions like “how did life begin?” don’t really concern her much. Scholars can figure that out as far as she is concerned.

Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has. 

Despite being a virginal space monk, she loves romance stories - especially ones with hot scenes she can live vicariously through; 

Rarely sits in a chair the way it’s meant to be sat in, like perched on the back of a chair or couch, lying on a couch so her head hangs off the cushion and her feet are draped over the back, both feet folded underneath her when on a bench type seat; 

Exercises almost obsessively, always working out because sitting still is difficult for her unless she has something to occupy her mind; 

Taps her fingers, shakes her leg or fiddles with her thumbs when feeling impatient or anxious; 

Wears dark purple makeup in a traditional Nabooian style because it makes her feel like she belongs somewhere, like she had a home at some point, and she doesn’t openly acknowledge the reason being that she has no idea where she is from and feelings like she is missing part of herself by not knowing.

Have they ever been so overwhelmed they had to stop and take a break from something? Yes, it usually ends up with her chasing the bottom of a bottle or working out until she can’t go on anymore.

Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo? This is such a hard choice for her, Noara likes having people at her back but hates the idea someone could get hurt if she messes up or isn’t fast enough.

Can they multi-task or must they focus on one subject at a time? She is very tunnel minded when it comes to a task, until that one is done she doesn’t really notice the other things she needs to do and often gets overwhelmed if there are too many things to do all at the same time.

What are their best school subjects? What are their worst? List five of each. 

Best: Physical Education, Technology/mechanics, Languages, Flight/piloting, Literature. 

Worst: History, Philosophy, Biology, Home Economics like sewing/cooking, Math.

Is your character an introvert or an extrovert? How do they handle big crowds of people? Extrovert, even if she has to force it sometimes. She likes crowds because the focus isn’t going to be on her when there are lots of other people around.

Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether? Noara is in a weird place where this is concerned. She leads, because people look to her for it, because the Jedi Council assigns leadership positions to her, but in almost every case she thinks there is someone else would would be better qualified.

If your character was suddenly challenged, would they rather run away or stay and fight? Noara is a fighter through and through, sometimes to her own detriment, but running away is never her first, second or even third choice. Lana getting her out of the spire was a test of the Sith’s patience in every way.

If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would that person be and why? This depends on the version of Noara. 

In I’ve Got You that was the Emperor, but she would never consider that murder. It’s justice and he earned it. 

In Jedi Sitters she would give anything to be able to kill the Sith who controlled and abused her after the Emperor “gifted” her to him. 

Sith Noara would kill… well most people she has interactions with, but Darth Ira who stole her from the Jedi would be at the top of that list.

Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why? 

First she would wish for peace between the Empire and the Republic - even with magical wishes she doesn’t think they could ever merge into one collation but if the Empire and Sith could see reason and stop the needless violence she would be satisfied. 

Second, Noara would ask for the ability to save all the people under her protection - failing to keep someone safe who trusted her is devastating every time it happens. 

Third she would want to know her family, who they are, where they are, why they let her go.

Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone? It depends how well she can read them through the Force. If she can feel their sincerity she trusts fairly easily, even when the person is a Sith like Lana. If someone is shielding their intentions from her she is very cautious about them.

Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart? Affection. Romance for so long is such an unattainable concept to her but affection is rare, something that makes her want to reach out to the person offering it and never let go. Touch starvation is very much something Noara deals with before she has a certain Mando to cuddle next to at every possible opportunity.

Does your character have any enemies? If so, who and why? The Emperor, Valkorian, comes to mind. Most Sith would see her as their enemy as well.

Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks? Because so much of her life is making choices and giving orders she doesn’t feel qualified to give, she likes letting someone else take charge. She isn’t a sub in every encounter, but Torian having his way with her - and giving her firm directions - is a sure way to get her going.

How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble? When on her ship or whatever location is serving as a home base at the time, she cleans her face and lets her hair down, changed into pajamas if she doesn't expect a sudden awakening.  In the field she doesn’t do much other than assure herself she found a safeish location though her preference is to use an energy stim or two and stay awake and aware - something she has done for days at a time before finally crashing.

If your character had one thing to say to their parents before they died, what would it be? Why didn’t you keep me?

Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets? Before Torian, no. She never questioned that she would become one with the Force and it would be a more peaceful existence than her life was. After, and especially after learning his people’s thoughts about the afterlife, she has many doubts about what she believes and if they would be together again. Regrets are a big problem for her, no matter how she feels about death she is going to have plenty of those.

Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why? So restless! Noara always needs to be doing something, even if it’s meditation. If her mind or body doesn’t have something to do she gets anxious.

Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why? Well most of her life she has eaten prepacked field rations, the Star Wars equivalent of MREs. So making a responsible, balanced choice she would say those. She needs the nutrition to keep up with both her active lifestyle and maintain her muscle mass. As a petite woman with a high metabolism she has to be conscious of what she eats to keep herself in good condition. Idealistically? Cake, with the loophole that it can be ANY kind of cake. She enjoys sweets and they are such a rare treat for her, the idea of getting to try lots of different varieties and flavors would be very tempting.

The Investment of an Antagonist - Part Three

Entry 04 continued. [Trigger warning content: post contains discussion of Far Cry 5 details for the main villains including violence, brainwashing, torture, child abuse, neglect, emotional manipulation, dark backstories, drug use, cult content, etc. Spoilers for Far Cry 5 inherent. Part 03 of 03.] [Link to part one here.] [Link to part two here.]

— Faith —

Lastly we have Faith, née Rachel Jessop, the youngest of the Seed family. The easiest themes to assign to her are unsurprisingly drug-use and escapism. She is an intriguing and complex character with some very beautifully done layers, in particular playing with gender expectations of behavior both in-world and on the meta in what may have been either intended brilliance of foresight or fridge brilliance by the dev team.

Thematically speaking though, as with the other Seeds, she is projecting her past experiences onto others and turning into the abuser in the recreation of her trauma. In this case, it could be taking up the role of a manipulator using soft-coded presentation and masking shaming techniques with positive wording and oblique expectation-pressures to get people to go along with what she’s saying...as well as making them more pliable via the Bliss. It could be that part of her escapism theme manifests as disassociation, separating one’s self and in this case Rachel from Faith, her followers from their worries and problems, and at the most extreme end the Angels from essentially their entire personality and past. In contrast to John, Faith seems to be much more so about forgetting/burying/separating one self from one’s past problems, sins, unhappiness, etc rather than facing it head on. In a way, it could potentially be interpreted as a denial of those aspects of a person, and herself, through the Bliss. This could be a better parallel to how Jacob also breaks the unwilling down in his Trials, albeit for more specifically war-like purposes than Faith. We don’t get to hear if John has opinions on how the “new recruits” up in Jacob’s neck of the woods are treated well or not, but he doesn’t include Jacob in his jab. The absence could be used to infer that John has either separate issues, less issues, or no issues with how Jacob runs things, but that’s the problem with this kind of absence: it lacks definite, concrete matter to build with. We hear only a very vague telling of the details of Faith’s life from Faith directly, which in this instance is going to be presumed to be true, albeit perhaps glossing over the details and told from a carefully crafted perspective for a desired end result. Others also have their own opinions to fill in on the details of Faith as she is and was, and her life before, including but potentially not limited to Tracey and Sheriff Whitehorse, as far as I’m aware at this time. What’s really interesting is the almost split presentation we get at times with Faith: in some moments she is the epitome of her title the siren, bright, friendly, seemingly warm and enticing. Other times she has some lines that cast very long, dark shadows. Three of the phone calls one can find in the Henbane are particularly dark, if one assumes the call with the sounds of a crying woman on the other end to be Faith. Even disregarding that third one, the other two show more of Faith’s darker aspects, as noted below: “Rachel’s so sad and alone. Once was lost, never found. She lead a faithless life and it brought her low. Faith rose up in her, but Rachel stayed low, down. Faith flies divine, and Rachel...Rachel gropes around in the darkness. I left her there, a long time ago.”

The second phone call text:

“A baby is a sack of screaming, shitting, crying impulses with no personality, no thoughts, no understanding of the world beyond feelings. It has no soul. You have to give it one. The only soul we ever have, we receive from others. And it is only others, who can take it away.” One possible interpretation from these two comments from Faith would be that she was very strongly shaped by her family and friends before she ran away with Tracey to join a commune out west. Not into total obedience without personality, but perhaps instead placation and appeasement behaviors, attempting to make the other people in her life “happy” as a form of self-protection coping mechanism to deal with living in an abusive home environment, and later on refined into intentional choices as these lines from her might strongly suggest: "All my life I dealt with people like you. People who underestimate sweet, innocent Faith. You see what you wanna see... a playful butterfly, a delicate flower... a child with childish thoughts. It's easier to disregard a child. Tracey made the same mistake as you. While you all ignored me, I walked right through every one of you." From Faith’s wiki page, it also states that Sheriff Whitehorse talked about “Tracey and Rachel, who were friends, 'joined a free spirit movement in the west, smoking doobies, banging on drums’. But Rachel and Tracey fell on harder drugs and fell out of favor with their community. Tracey searched for a new home and found the Project at Eden's Gate, and Faith decided to return with her to Hope County to join the cult.” From there, with Rachel going through the painful and dangerous process of withdrawal symptoms while attempting to end her addiction, it might be that she also felt that her new self, Faith, or Faith-to-be, was shaped by Joseph and the Project. That this new self was a new soul, and that her old soul, her old identity, Rachel, had been cast away. Perhaps that was another motivation for her to possibly split with Tracey, staying with the cult over staying with her best friend whom she had left her home behind with once before—the friend she’d run away with into the unknown at what was likely a rather young age. Perhaps staying with Tracey, Faith felt too much of Rachel remained. Rachel, the addict. Rachel, the powerless. Rachel, the abused. Perhaps those reminders were too painful for Faith, and she wanted to separate from them as much as possible. If she wanted Tracey to stay though...perhaps she had also hoped Tracey would have a fresh start. That Tracey would be “happier” at the Project. That the two of them would be born anew and cleansed of their sins, as the Project promises. All of the Seeds are in this interpretation trying to cope with their traumas. Faith in this aspect is perhaps the one closest chronologically in time to her trauma, being the youngest, and thus perhaps still emotionally rawer at times underneath it all. Rawer in a more youthful sense, not related to the innocence she tries to project as a front, so much as how she cries out in panic and fear during her boss fight’s finale, when the Deputy strikes the final blow, and how her tone changes when she’s threatened during the fight, talking about how Joseph threatened her and plied her with drugs. In this regard, it is very easy to read Faith as still placating, still coping, still appeasing the powers that be in her life, in this case the Project, Joseph, and the other Seeds to a degree. With being Faith, and not even the first and only Faith but at the very least the third in a series of adopted “sisters,” the danger of being killed, cast aside, or deemed unsatisfactory for whatever reason is very real, and could echo possible fears she’d harbored of her parents, other friends, and community members in her past. How much danger she was in from her parents is unstated as far as I’m aware, but that she was abused and likely was afraid is enough. Fear itself is real enough and a weighty factor in any situation where it exists, as it was meant to be by biological design. So in recreation of that potential trauma-build, Faith placates all of her followers with the Bliss and gentle words, making some members of the Resistance note in commentary that they feel special, loved, cared for. Drawn in to become a part of Faith’s idealized dream of everyone being predictably calm, and open to suggestion. While it is still technically appeasing behavior, with Faith being in control of the Bliss’s drug production and seemingly also the hallucinatory effect it has on people, she is also master of the realm and thus the one with the keys to the kingdom, and I daresay enjoys her power with how she mocks the Deputy upon their return to the Jail after the cutscene of her reasserting control over Burke and the ensuing happenings. Her methods on the surface are soft and appealing seemingly, but she is ultimately now able to control those in her region and under her power with a far more beautifully beguiling and insidious form of puppeteering. She makes a splendid contrast in that regard with how Jacob brainwashes people, with making Angels versus the brainwashed fighters of Jacob’s. Another piece of interesting dialogue regarding the Angels as mentioned by Faith in I believe the Whistling Beaver Brewery is as follows: "Have you seen their faces? On the Pilgrimage? Oh, you should see it. To see the sin fly from their heads and their faces slacken to peace. The vanity shaved from their heads, evil taken from their lips. Never to speak a sinful word, any word, again. It gives me life. Every time a bell rings..." Combining that with the above comment about how Faith believes people don’t have souls until given them and shaped by the others around them, Faith certainly seems to have grabbed the reins on shaping who people are, with the intent to “smooth out” any disagreeable parts. To the point of perhaps erasing a person’s individuality entirely, thus producing an Angel. She like her brothers is also driven by purpose, as she mentions in her first cutscene of being given purpose, and from the random encounter line below: “I’m going to tell you a secret... Eden’s Gate is not here to fix your life. That’s your own selfish dream... No! Eden’s Gate exists to save something greater than you and me. It is here for the Father to bring salvation to the world’s very existence, and you’re trying to destroy that. I put so much hope in you. I thought you’d be special. Was I wrong?” That first bit about not fixing one’s life feels like a potentially open admittance that the Project is not trying to fix people at least in her region, so much as to re-purpose them to the Project’s own ends, and Faith fulfills that with a gentle kind of at-times-gaslit brutality that she selectively applies more forcefully when someone isn’t playing according to Faith’s own preferences. While the doubting may also be real in her case in the later lines, it also serves as shame-based social pressure to not disappoint her, directed at the Deputy as an attempt to erode any resistance they have to conforming to doing the “right” or “sympathetic” thing—as defined by Faith anyway. Its a good bit of manipulation, leaving it blurry whether its outright just intended to influence the Deputy or if she indeed has any doubts. I lean towards the latter for added nuance of emotion, though I do think she’s more than capable and willing of violence and brutality when desired. One minor example among others that comes to mind would be the signs of violence and likely death in the Chan residence, with the implication that Faith sent some of her people to deal with Jasmine and likely kill her, per the blood on the floor and the unsent note contents: “To whom it may concern, Thank you for addressing my complaints about all that noise coming from that Eden’s Gate construction site. One of your representatives (I think her name was Faith, not sure) passed by and said she’d have a word with the people building the statue. She even said she’d make them come by to apologize in person. Although we may disagree on some philosophical matters, it’s nice to see some neighborly etiquette. I look forward to resolving this amicably. -Jasmine Chan” Aside from that, there are also other mentions such as Ethan Minkler overdosing on the Bliss (while that may be a possible accident, the point likely remains that he either died or became an Angel, much to the mayor Virgil Minkler’s grief,) comments by Resistance NPCs about how forced-pilgrims on the Path are sometimes made to crawl on their hands and knees until they bleed, the ones made to jump from the Statue of Joseph and land among the littered bodies of those who did not survive, etc. Ultimately what all of that might be mirroring is her own treatment at the hands of her family and other people in her past, as well as perhaps what Joseph, the Seeds, and the Project asked of her: not to be fixed, but re-purposed. It was never about her, but what she could do for someone, be it her family, friends, or the Project. In that, the Angels are an elegantly simple solution: they are obedient to the wishes of the Project, and are loyal to a fault without any chance of wanting anything to the contrary than what is asked of them, provided they are provided with a steady supply of Bliss (presuming they require it as a continued addiction, though that is purely speculation.) The Angel’s Grave in the Horned Serpent Cave seems to be a lake of boiling muck that is implied to be a mass grave for Angels, per the Grieving Note found therein: “Lana. Christ in heaven what they did to you. The fact that they could make you believe all that nonsense, make you forget yourself so hard. Forget your own name? How, Lana? What did he say to you? What kind of fucking dirtbag blood ritual could make you think your name was “Faith”? Doesn’t matter how, I guess. He told you you were special, but in the end he threw your body in here to disintegrate in the boiling muck, like a common Angel.” This certainly shows the Project has little to no respect for the dead, or at the very least those turned into mindlessly loyal Angel minions. It echoes back to the lack of individuality Faith may struggle with internally as a theme—it may also be that her parents abused her through the unrealistic-expectations archetype of wanting and pressuring her to be what they wanted, without any regard of who she was as an individual or what she wanted out of her life. Perhaps during her life she was treated as nothing more than a commodity, trying to forever appease and live up to her parents’ expectations. I sadly have very little on the Jessop family as a whole, so this is all once again pure fabricated speculation. This lack of personal worth through individuality does thread through the recurring instance of there being multiple Faiths before Rachel, and it is shown in the notes to the two known previous Faiths, Lana and Selena (both referenced from Faith’s article the wiki.) “You’re not the first one, Selena. You’re not the first woman he’s used up and thrown away. For years I’d been hearing this Faith Seed was tall as her brother, with black hair. Couldn’t miss her. And then I saw you in one of their trucks last week, yellow hair in the breeze, and heard them calling you Faith. He thinks he can just SWAP YOU OUT. Like you don’t got a brain of your own. God knows who you are, and so do you. Selena. I love you. Don’t lose yourself to this.” Both of the above notes have mentions to identity issues with taking on the new name of Faith, of losing oneself or forgetting oneself. With the note to Lana and the last note from one of the Faiths there is also the double mention of “being special.” “I just wanted to be special. When Joseph came into my life, I felt like you’d given me a true gift, Lord. That a man who talks to you would bring me in on your holy conversation..? And so I too the name that you gave me, Lord, through Joseph: “Faith.” And I am a woman made anew. But now, I’m ashamed to say, even though I carry this name, my devotion to the Project is..plagued. By Doubt. What do I do? I know you will forgive me, dear Lord. I don’t know if Joseph will.“ The above note titled “A Confession” on Faith’s wiki page is possibly from Rachel, though the wording has me contemplating that it’s likely from someone a bit older, and the style I’m uncertain if I’d attribute to Rachel though I acknowledge that writing and speaking can present very differently. I would expect her to write with a more direct style of wording since presumably she had internet access and was familiar with texting, speculating off of Tracey’s note in the convent that mentioned Tracey being “tired of this 19th-century-ass writing shit.” The pauses via commas and more formal-yet-casual feel of the written cadence, along with more talk of God feels like someone else’s voice rather than Rachel’s, but I could be wrong. But that’s also fitting with the theme of uncertainty of who’s who beneath the name of Faith. Therein lies the loss of individuality and lack of clear denoting of which Faith this was, or is.

—  Conclusion —

What I find absolutely fascinating about all of these villains is how they tell the story of the trauma and past experiences through their actions, dialogue, beliefs, and all while moving the main story forward. We do have some direct story telling in the sense of them telling us about those key moments that lead to their revelation and some backstory details, but the fact that even afterwards in a lot of what they do if not all of what they do we can potentially draw more inferences of how they came to be who they are? That is some very beautiful story and character construction in my opinion. In how the past influences their present and relatively speaking future events, so too does their present and future come circling back to tie to their past. This possible feedback loop of influence is just so neat in my opinion and is particularly pronounced here with the Seed family and how they are presented in-game. I feel it works exceptionally well for antagonists but could in theory also work for any main character. The sheer weight of how their past influences them so profoundly is really interesting, and while we all are shaped by our past, it’s particularly highlighted here with the Seeds. Often the trope of a character having a dark backstory is presented as the reason they’re doing X, or are prone to behaving in a certain way (one such popular demeanor being say brooding,) and is particularly common for villains. What I think makes the Seeds for me more interesting in that regard is how individualized their processing of their traumas is. It’s not just out to do evil because they are simply evil and have a backstory to facilitate handwaving as to why they are evil, they’re going about it in a particular way, and have all developed a nuanced system of belief relating to that and likely significantly influenced by those around them as well, with the Seeds all I would say influence each other to varying degrees. Them being a group of villains is part of that complexity with the layers of them having a family dynamic, the cult hierarchy, significantly different styles of managing their affairs while still sharing some core elements, and being such diverse personalities. The Seeds in their entirety as a group are what make or break the story in my opinion, since to have really good conflict I would say you need excellent villains or antagonists, and the Seed family fits that bill in my personal opinion very well. It feels like there was a lot of time and care put into each of the Seeds in different ways and in crafting their stories as well as fitting those stories to the main story of Far Cry 5. The speculation I personally take away from this in terms of developing interesting characters is that sometimes having a very detailed background and having it influence a character heavily and actively both in-scene and on the meta of writing the scene can be really interesting. Obviously sometimes not knowing a character’s past and leaving it a mystery works very well too. But if there’s been care put into how the character is developed and there are in-world, albeit unknown backstory reasons for their actions, words, and beliefs? Then even if we the audience don’t know the reasons, that can make for a very compelling character for audience members to speculate and fill in the blanks about. Obviously there are other builds and exceptions and such for making compelling characters and in particular villains and antagonists, but I do think this style of character construction in relation to the overarching plot is honestly quite gorgeous as a story infrastructure element in its own right and worth taking a look at should it appeal to one to examine it. It’s a really lovely echo of how much investment the dev team’s put into the characters themselves that those characters in-world also care and are heavily invested in what they’re doing and saying too, as an added accent to it all. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, hope you all have a good day/night! [Link to part one here.] [Link to part two here.]

Hannibal Lecter Headcanons

(my gay ass over here thirsting over a godamned cannibal, why did god create this walking disaster of horniness and unbridled depression)

S F W :

- as you may know, Hannibal Lecter is a man no short of expectations, a walking spectacle of perfection itself on the surface but a complicated being underneath to test the limits of what a monster really means

- he smokes

- while he's not an avid chain smoker he does do it every once in a while, like after killing someone who was particularly difficult or pondering something that requires deep thought

- he understands if you don't smoke or don't want to have him smoking around you, he'd rather be polite than give into whatever desire he's feeling. he can't stand the shitty ones though, they're just nasty

- he's had a lot of lovers in his life, but he only remembers vividly the few that did not try to change some of his habits out of fear

- he doesn't feel much emotion at all, but that doesn't mean he doesn't feel

- although he may not admit it, he wants to be accepted by whoever he cares for over all else. this can tie back to his sister, although he barely feels it since when he was a very young man, not long after her death. he'd rather feel needed, wanted really. but this is only felt in certain moments, such as sitting in silence in a room with someone or watching their movements as they do basic actions that's can entail deeper meanings

- he's very, very good at body language and how to interpret it (obviously) and how to deal with social situations

- as a physiologist he's seen a lot of different mental cases, states of mind, viewpoints, problems, etc. and so being in a relationship with someone who might have something along those lines is literally not a problem (i mean he technically fell in love with will so-)

- I mean it's his job, so he knows how to calm down someone having a panic attack in no time, but if it'ssomeone closer to him he may have a moment of concern before dealing with it accordingly

- feelings aren't exactly something he's used to, for the most part so it'll freak him out a little if he finds himself caring for someone fairly easily. of course he still feels, it's just not as intense as it used to be. it's partially why he “slips” easily when there's a particular event with someone he genuinely cares about, leaving him in a slightly shocked state of acting upon instinct before treating it like anything else

- he's very self controlled, both physically and mentally

- I headcanon that when he was a teenager/young adult (watch Hannibal Rising to get what I mean) he was much less in control of what he felt in that moment. for instance, crying when Lady Murasaki told him to forgive the men he was intending to kill. it must've hurt to have someone so close to him be so disgusted with him like that

- this can also mean that he only feels afflicted emotionally by those he's very close to. lovers not really, but people he considers as those he needs to be up to a particular standard to outside of the realm of decency? it hurts when you look at him like you're scared of him, dissaproving of what he's doing as if you're negating his efforts

- he cares about you, only you

- seriously, there's not much he genuinely cares about enough to want to keep safe for all eternity, but you're his everything. you're not just some fucktoy, you're a person, a mind, and he wants to control and watch you tick like a clock he intends to take apart and rebuild. seriously, he just wants you to love him as much as he loves you

- it's very likely that you were kidnapped against your will

- he doesn't want a partner he can control, or minipulate easily without a serious challenge. he's not much of a sadist, but he'd like to see you strain under whatever kindof inflictions he's dealing mentally. he wants to see you resist, try to fight back. it's no time any fun to dissect something that's fragile and weak

- like Michael Myers (Aka: 100% That Bitch) he wants someone strong and full of courage, someone he can see fighting for the innocent or fighting to protect something till the end of the line. your courage is what really gets to him, the fact that you won't let anyone run over you regardless of who they are

- your fighting spirit also gets him just a little bit exited when you talk back to him or snap at him when he's angry with you just an fyi

- anyway back to the less horny shit

- this may seem off topic but do you remember when deadpool’s creator said he was “pansexual” by giving a really bad definition for it and lowkey seeming kindof ignorant on what being pansexual is?

- Hannibal is sort of like that pansexual, but think of him as only liking someone when it's convenient. usually he only pretends to be romantically interested in someone because it gains him the upper hand, both males and females, but down to his core he's probably not capable of falling in love with someone unless he seriously, genuinely means it. so far this has only been males and females (cough cough lady murasaki, will graham, etc. cough cough)

- for him to genuinely love someone you need to first love him platonically, actually giving off the feeling of really caring for his wellbeing, even if he does eat people. unless he doesn't really like you prior to having you love him, he'll end up finding himself drawn to you

- it's very rare that he'll love someone first, but in the instance he does it'll probably end in a Stockholm Syndrome sort of thing where you end up loving him eventually. it's kindof dogmatic, but I mean that's just how it is. he's an intelligent psychopath with an understand of humans’ brain patterns. do you really not expect him to use that to his advantage?

- if you do expect it tho and you're still into that then you may just be a horny bastard dude idk what to tell u

- phsycially id suspect that he'd want someone who physically is weaker than him. it's a reminder of sorts, that he still has power over you no matter what. if you're shorter he's definitely into that too but this doesn't mean he isn't into beefcakes

- tbh, he kindof likes a rugged sort of look on someone. while he does like to feel powerful, he also enjoys being able to have a worthy opponent. scars are also fascinating to him. to him it's almost like art, precious and unique in their own way. plus, he himself said they were reminders of the past, so they must have good stories attached to them

- oOO ppl in suits are nice too. like godam dude if you walk up wearing a nice suit looking all clean cut n shit there's a 100% chance you're getting rawed before you can even walk out the door

- in his free time, he'd rather spend time with you above all else. simply having you in the room is nice for him, regardless of how busy he is. if he's working he'd prefer you on his lap or sitting right next to him

- physical affection is something he's actually pretty damn good with, considering his hand is almost always on you. you can think of this as one of his Jedi mind tricks to let you know you're his, but he's kindof shy about it in public the first time

- but his shyness changes once he sees that if his hand isn't directly on you people...gawk at you. and he HATES that

- you'll feel a sudden hand fly to your waist, pulling you closer as he seems not to even register what he's doing. you squeak

- “h-hey! What was that for?”

- “Should I have asked permission first, or do you like the roughness?”

- “Is this because that guy was looking at me too much?”

- “...are you implying that I'm jealous?”

- “Oh my god-”

- yeah, he’ll deny it when asked if he's being jealous, but he is. he's very, very jealous and very very possessive. of course he's already pretty well composed, and he's a master at hiding his facial expressions, but that doesn't mean he won't quirk a brow or exhale slowly if you're being provoked in any way shape or form. expect the person who was annoying you to be gone. but don't worry about their suspicious dissapearence, instead sit down and have dinner! he's serving a nice pot pie with some Brussels sprouts and whatever other side dish you want! where'd the meat come from? that's not important, just relax

- he's sure he made the person more exquisite now that you actually enjoy them without having to talk to them

- oh! he obviously does most of the cooking, but if you can cook he's definitely up to critique and give you advice. of course you can only use his cuts of meat, and he'd much rather help you with cooking than let you do all the work. domestically he's the perfect partner since he's already fairly good at living on his own, and prefers to take care of others rather than get taken care of

- idealy he'd like to go out to a nice place to eat for a date, or just spending some time alone with you in front of the fire is fine with him. as long as you're near him. he dislikes places where there's too many people or just not a good area of town to be in in the first place, but honestly he's always been inclined to things that reek of upper class or fancy themes

- he loves to spoil you too, buying you nice things or nice clothes and making you wear them almost all the time. he doesn't really expect anything in return, but if you can't figure out a gift that's within your paycheck you can always make him something or pay him in - EHEM - other ways (you know what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

- although it's kindof sad, he's got a lot of ptsd from when he was a child. of course he's not open to talking about it, but just staying with him when he has a nightmare or placing your hands on his waist when he's in that state will calm him down in no time, although it's very rare 

- he'd never hurt you, but he can grow a bit distant at times when he's particularly angry. if your relationship is more manipulative, he might resort to mental abuse as a way to keep you in line. but it's unlikely you'll even be living for very long if that's what your relationship is

- hannibal’s a man of few words, so he may not say I love you very often. he means it though when he does, although it's hard to get out the first time

- he's a one of a kind lover outside of the whole killing people thing, so once you actually get used to his cannibalistic ways and meet all his standards so as not to hurt you, expect to be treated like a queen/king that even outshines the greatest nobles. you are his, and it will take divine intervention from Satan himself to keep you apart as far as he's concerned