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teddyoverthinks · 2 years

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Fanfiction Prayer Theme: Self Worth

Hopeful Prayer format

Let me believe that I am not expendable. Let me know that I am intrinsically important; that my worth just is. If someone asks me to prove my worth, let me remember that I have the option to say “I am important, and screw you, if you think otherwise.”

Self Assuring Affirmation format

I am not expendable. I am intrinsically important. I know that I am important, and that my worth just is. If someone asks me to prove my worth, I have the option to say “I am important, and screw you, if you think otherwise.”

Willful Vow format

I choose to believe that I am not expendable. I will know that I am intrinsically important; that my worth just is. If someone asks me to prove my worth, I will remember that I have the option to say “I am important, and screw you, if you think otherwise.”

Original Quote

“No, don’t sulk,” Pansy said unhelpfully. “I just thought it would be useful to point out that you are entirely expendable, while Draco is very much not, if you take my point. Understand?”

“I am not expendable,” Harry said, thinking this was a bit much.

“No?” Pansy said, opening up her handbag and pulling out a lipstick and a mirror. “How are you important, then?”

In this reality, Harry hadn’t saved the world; he had, it appeared, lived a life so colourless it had left barely any trace at all. But… “I just am,” he said firmly, realising it even as he said it. So what if he hadn’t saved the world? He could save himself, this time around. “I am important,” he repeated. “And screw you, if you think otherwise.”

—who_la_hoop, Star Quality

Context: In this fic, Harry got himself stuck in an alternate universe where he isn’t famous, but Draco is (as a muggle pop star). Nobody remembers Harry’s sacrifice, or magic, or their lives at Hogwarts (except Draco). Harry realizes that he had been perceiving his worth as dependent on his heroic sacrifices—not least because outside of that world, he had been treated as though he had no worth at all. With this realization, he manages to heal a little, even amidst the stress of being almost alone in a very different world.

Times I Use This Prayer

Self worth is important all the time. I think this prayer is especially helpful in light of its context. Most of us are mundane, trying to do good deeds when we can, but never, ever quite managing to save the whole world. Those of us who do manage to save part of the world know others’ gratitude doesn’t fulfill our need for self worth. We must understand intrinsic worth in order to accept our own failures.

This lesson also extends to our treatment of our fellow imperfect beings. Respect is founded on an assumption of worth, and we must be in the habit of assuming intrinsic worth for everyone. All of us are worthy of grace, mercy, and the basic human rights we are supposed to agree on. The right to our own bodies, the right to safety, the right to liberty.

It is my hope that those who read this dedicate themselves to respecting themselves and others. We are all important. We just are.

explanation of what you just read

In her book Praying With Jane Eyre: Reflections on Reading as a Sacred Practice, Vanessa Zoltan explains and demonstrates how she treats literature as sacred text. I highly recommend reading this book, as it’s incredibly interesting, helped me grow as a person, and explains the concept and process more thoroughly than I do here.

In short, the idea is that sacred texts aren’t accessible to everyone—some of us have religious trauma, for example—but there are other ways to find spiritual expression. In Praying With Jane Eyre, Zoltan references scenes from Jane Eyre, Harry Potter, Little Women, and The Great Gatsby where most sermons would reference the preacher’s chosen holy book. I grew up hearing sermons that referenced Christian bible stories, and I’d get caught up in my discomfort with the text. In some ways, that protected me from internalizing the biases of the religious community. Yet it also kept me from taking comfort in the words that genuinely helped others through hard times.

I feel the need to clarify that Zoltan’s process isn’t about forming religions around books not intended to be religious material. Instead of mentioning a story about how David faced Goliath, she mentions a story of how Jane Eyre faced her abusive aunt. Sometimes, she prays with a quote from the book by adapting the words of the text into a self-affirmation. Zoltan doesn’t assume that everything in the text is good—for example, she doesn't assume that the ending of Jane Eyre is a happy one (which would have troubling implications). She simply assumes that there's a lesson buried within the text.

Zoltan’s process works much better for me than any associated with the organized religion I grew up with, but I’m not as close to the text of Jane Eyre as she is. I also found myself uncomfortable with treating Harry Potter as sacred, so Zoltan’s podcast Harry Potter and the Sacred Text was, unfortunately, not for me. I decided to begin collecting quotes from what I do read—which, okay, I’m an English major, so I could have used folk tales or ancient epic poems or twentieth-century short stories, because I do read plenty of those. It would work fine with any of them. Sacred reading even helps me understand folk tales from the audience’s perspective.

But I also read a lot of fanfiction, and I wanted to think about it in a new way. Fanfiction is a modern method of retelling stories. The act of retelling a story over and over is evidence that it is important to a great deal of people. Fanfiction is, legally speaking, not for profit. In this capitalist society that means people are telling these stories solely because they want to. That, in my opinion, creates an exponentially more spiritually honest work than one edited and sold to a publisher. Fanfiction writers, especially those who use the archive, trust that their target audience will find them.

I don’t mean to put fanfiction on a pedestal. It has its pitfalls, especially when it comes to elements of craft like visual description and reliance on clichéd tropes. Frankly, when I started, I thought I would get no more than a few good quotes, mainly from the really long fics. I didn’t expect my google doc of fic excerpts to grow to 200 pages and counting within a few months. But it did. Fic writers impressed me over and over once I began to look.

I wasn’t really sure what I planned to do with the quotes for a while, but I knew I wanted to share them with the world. Ultimately, I wanted to write sermons which pulled from transformative works as well as personal anecdotes—but this took time and practice. I began by simply sharing quotes that struck me, occasionally adding analysis in the tags.

Now, this account also has several prayer sheets like this. I always include Zoltan’s self assuring affirmation format, as well as my hopeful ‘let this happen’ prayer format and willful ‘I will work to make this happen’ vow format. Personally, I cycle through all of them, because I think all three versions of the prayer are important to internalize.

I have also written sermons as well as essays with discussions of sacred reading and retold stories. If you like this, you might be interested in the rest of my page!

#self worth #sacred reading #fanfiction #Harry Potter #drarry #fanfiction quotes #prayer #affirmations #mantra #found on ao3 #archive of our own #prayers and affirmations #teddy's rants #fanfiction recc

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pedrito-friskito · 2 years

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the way we were / the way we are - chapter 3 - I got soul but I’m not a soldier

summary: bucky gets his orders, and you go see the future.

warnings: none, mentions of sex but nothing explicit

a/n: I have no idea how the army works LOL so anything about Bucky’s uniform/orders are completely out of pocket and tweaked to fit the story

also I was watching CA:TFA while I was writing this, so 99% of the dialogue is straight out of the movie. obviously tweaked a little to include reader in the scene. also also Steve/reader are gonna be best buds, that'll get explored a little more in future chapters

(series masterlist) (main masterlist) (ao3)

June 1943

Married life is harder to settle into when your husband is a soldier.

You don’t begrudge him anything; you know what you signed up for when you said yes. And it’s Bucky. There was no other answer, not to you.

It’s early summer, the heat not having quite settled over the city like it usually does by now, like a thick blanket of humidity. It’s still cool enough to wear a sweater when you go out, and most of your time is spent wandering the city with Steve and Becca, reading books behind the register of Barnes & Noble, and kissing your husband in the car at Lover’s Peak when he’s home for the weekend.

Every weekend, when you meet him at the station, you’re holding your breath, begging to whatever God might be listening that when he gets off that bus, you’ll see the same casually-dressed man you’re waiting for.

Because if he gets off that bus in full uniform, you know what that means.

You’re waiting (mostly) patiently for the bus to pull up, and you see when it rounds the corner, excitement filling in your gut. It comes to a stop at the curb, and you hold your breath as the doors slide open.

Every man who steps off the bus is in full uniform, and you’re quite certain your heart is in your throat. Bucky’s face appears, eyes locking at yours from under the brim of his hat. “Hey, doll,” he says as he approaches, holding out his arms. You collapse into his chest, gripping the lapels of his jacket. He puts his free arm around you, squeezing tight, and kisses the side of your head. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“Where?” you manage to squeak out. Your knees are shaking so hard it’s a miracle you haven’t crumpled to the ground.

“London.”

Fear twists at your insides. “When?”

“Tomorrow. They gave us a day to come home, say goodbye. Gave us all tickets to that Stark Expo, too. I got extra, figured we can drag Steve and Becca along, Jane if she’s up for it.”

You’re nodding, but the words are barely making it to your ears. London. Halfway around the world. He’ll be halfway across the world, and you’ll be stuck here, without him, probably worrying yourself into an early grave.

Bucky notices the faraway look in your eye, the blank expression on your face, and leans down to kiss you. It breathes a bit of life back into you, and his hand moves to your cheek. “I’ll come back to you, Y/N. Always. No matter what. You know that, right?”

You just nod again, blinking away the tears that have already started to gather. “I know.”

“C’mon then, I wanna have a good night with my best girl and my best friend.”

You let him lead you away from the station, bag in one hand, yours in the other.

You stop by the bookstore to say hello. His mother is a sobbing mess when she sees him in uniform, and his father just gives him a brisk nod and a tight hug. “Be safe, son,” he says, and it makes your heart crack in your chest. His mother grips your arm as she watches the goodbye, and you pat her hand, trying to comfort her.

Becca follows the two of you out, practically falling over her own feet when Bucky announces he has tickets for the Stark Expo. It’s a semblance of normal, the two of you flanking Bucky as you walk down the street, each of you with your hands tucked into the crooks of his elbows.

You pass the movie theatre, heading in the direction of Steve’s house, when a loud clang makes you all stop short. Bucky cranes his head back, peering down the alley beside the theatre, and starts shaking his head.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” he mumbles, and releases you both, heading down the alley.

“Bucky, be careful!” Becca yells, grabbing your arm.

You can already see the small figure at the end of the alley, a larger man throwing punches at Steve, who has the lid of a trash can in his hand, trying to block the man’s blows. You hear the sickening crunch of his fist connecting with Steve’s face and cover your hand with your mouth, wincing slightly.

“You just don’t know when to give up, do ya?” the man shouts, winding his fist back.

Steve puts up his own pathetic fists, clearly winded but still swinging. “I can do this all day.”

There’s another crunch, Steve falls to the floor, and then you hear Bucky’s voice echo through the alley. “Hey! Pick on someone your own size.” He grabs the man by the shoulder and hefts him back. The man takes a swing at Bucky, but he dodges the blow easily, returning it with a swift uppercut that sends the man wheeling back. He kicks him in the ass for good measure, and the guy takes off, clutching his jaw, barely sparing you and Becca a glance as he runs from the alley. You wait till he’s out of sight and then head down the alley, dragging Becca along with you.

Bucky is already giving Steve the gears when you reach them. “You know, sometimes I think you like getting punched,” he says with a shake of his head.

“I had him on the ropes,” Steve says, getting to his feet. There’s a bit of blood beneath his nose, and you rush forward, taking a handkerchief from your pocket and handing it to him. “Thank you, Y/N.”

Bucky bends down and picks up a piece of paper from the ground, and when he straightens, you see it’s an enlistment form. With Steve’s name on it.

“How many time is this?” Bucky asks him, looking down at the form.

“Paramus?” you ask, reading the form over Bucky’s shoulder. Becca is still clinging to you. “You’re from Paramus now? You know illegal to lie on the enlistment form, Steve. They could put you in jail for that!”

“And seriously, Jersey?” Bucky says.

Steve shrugs you both off, wiping the rest of the blood from his face and the dirt from his clothes, straightening to his full height. The top of his head barely reaches you chin. He takes in Bucky, the hat and uniform, then your still tear-streaked face and Becca clutching your arm. “You get your orders?”

Bucky’s face falls, and he looks down at his shoes. You reach out, take Steve’s enslistment form from him and tuck it into your purse, then grasp his hand in yours, fingers interlaced. His wedding ring is warm against your knuckles. His brow twitches and he lifts his head, looking at Steve. “The 107th,” and you hear Steve’s wheezy inhale. “Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.” You squeeze his hand and he glances over at you, sad smile on his face. “They gave us a night to come home, say our goodbyes, kiss our wives.”

The look on Steve’s face makes your heart break even harder than it already has, and he wipes at his nose again, another drop of blood sliding onto his lips. He shakes his head, looking down at the ground and scuffing his show across the pavement. He gives you a brief look, his eyes shining, and you blink hard, lifting your chin slightly. “I should be going,” he says quietly.

Steve brushes his hands off and Bucky just nods, then lets out a laugh. “Come on, man,” he chuckles, throwing his arm around Steve’s neck and all but pushing him up the alleyway. “My last night! We gotta get you cleaned up.”

“Why?” Steve asks, looking between the three of you. “Where are we going?”

“The future,” Bucky says simply, handing him one of the Expo tickets. Steve blinks down at the piece of paper. “Courtesy of the US military. One last hurrah before I head across the water.”

Steve looks at you, then at Bucky, and back again. “You sure about this? You don’t wanna spend your last night with your family, Buck? With your wife?”

Bucky tugs lightly on your hand, lifts his arm so you can slip beneath it. “I said goodbye to my folks already, and I’ll see them again when I take Becca home later. And I don’t plan on spending a minute apart from my wife until they put my ass on that boat. But you? You’re my best friend, Steve. You’re my family, too. So let’s go.”

You stick your hand out towards Steve. He glances between you one last time, then laces his fingers with yours and lets you lead him out of the alleyway, Becca at your heels.

The Stark Expo is nothing short of incredible. Your eyes are wide and your jaw is gaped from the second you step through the gate. Bucky is equally as impressed, his arm still around your shoulders, pointing out everything that catches his eye. “Y/N, look!”

Crowds fill every space on the Expo grounds, people gathered around small kiosks and stalls. Fireworks crackle in the sky every few seconds, all different colours casting a glow on the crowds below. Futuristic looking buildings fill the grounds, thirty different flags flying on masts that tower above your heads. There’s a large metal sculpture in the centre of it all, a wrought iron globe on a slight tilt. A pathway winds it’s way around, patrons filling the space, and there’s some kind of train zipping it’s way through, the cars moving from side to side, suspended in mid air from a high track. “Can we ride it?” Becca asks, and you just laugh, pulling her out of the way as more people barrel past.

Despite all the awe and hubbub surrounding you, Steve is still melancholy, and you have to fight the urge to join him in his feelings. Bucky, however, keeps trying to lighten the mood. It’s an act, you can tell. Your husband is scared out of his mind, but he won’t show it. You can see it, in the slight waver of his gaze, the way his hand shakes ever so slightly in your grasp, the way he keeps whispering I love yous in your ear because you know that after tomorrow? After he gets on that boat? You don’t know when the next time you’ll hear one.

“I don’t see what the problem is,” he’s telling Steve. The two of them are leading you towards one of the buildings. You have a tight grip on Becca, tugging her along; she’s just as awed as Bucky, and keeps pointing things out every few feet. “You’re about to be the last eligible man in New York. You know there’s three and a half million women here?”

You follow the boys down a set of stairs. “Well, I’d settle for just one,” Steve says. He glances over his shoulder at you, and Bucky follows his eyes. “Besides, you married the best one in Brooklyn.”

You stick your tongue out at Steve and he laughs.

“What about Jane?” Bucky says, eyes darting to you. He reaches for you again, pulling you close. “Y/N, you should set the pair of them up on a date. As my parting gift.”

You laugh, leaning up on your toes to whisper in his ear. “I have other ideas for your parting gift, Sergeant Barnes.” You settle back onto your feet and shoot Steve a wink. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Have you told her anything about me?” Steve asks. You tsk, swatting at his arm.

“Only the good stuff,” Bucky laughs, his arm settling around your waist. “Now, come on!”

Bucky leads the way into the building you’ve approached, and when you walk inside, you’re only more amazed. The space is huge and sprawling, easily as big as a Dodger Stadium, and same as the outside, filled with people. Small pavilions are set up everywhere you look, people milling about and inspecting the circular displays. Your feet drag a bit as you walk through, your eyes taking in every detail around you. The Earth’s Treasure. The Synthetic Man. It’s endless.

You walk around for a bit, and eventually Bucky catches a glimpse of a shiny red car on a stage along one of the walls, calling to Steve and Becca and leading you all over. “Welcome to the Modern Marvels Pavilion and the World of Tomorrow!” an announcer says over the loudspeakers. “A greater world. A better world.” Music plays over the speaker once he finishes, and you hear Becca behind you.

“Oh my god,” she whispers, tugging on the back of your sweater. “It’s starting!”

“Ladies and gentlemen!” a woman calls, her voice amplified by a microphone, and you see the stage light up, revealing the woman and four others in front of the red car, all identically dressed in striped vests and top hats. “Mr. Howard Stark!”

The audience erupts into applause as Howard Stark walks onto the stage, impeccably dressed in a perfect black tux and a top hat. He’s a handsome man, dark slicked hair and a perfectly combed moustache. The woman who had announced him walks across the stage and meets Howard halfway. He tips his hat to her, she takes it from him, and then he grabs her and plants a kiss on her. The audience goes crazy and the woman just winks to the crowd, handing Howard the microphone.

“I love you, Howard!” you hear a woman somewhere behind you yell.

Howard just smiles and pulls out a hankie, wiping the woman’s lipstick from his mouth. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he starts, “what if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won’t even have to touch the ground at all?” The crowd lets out a quiet gasp as the four women on stage walk around the car, pick up the tires, and pull them away from the car, revealing strangely-shaped mechanisms of some kind where the tires should be. “Thank you, Mandy.” He pulls a small control panel on a stand towards the front of the stage. “With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you’ll be able to do just that.” With a final wink to the crowd, Howard adjusts one of the knobs on the control panel and flips a switch.

There’s a low humming sound, and you watch, dumbstruck, as the whole car lifts into the air, the mechanisms replacing the tires hovering nearly five inches off the ground.

“Holy cow,” Bucky mumbles, and you squeeze his hand. When you look up at him, there’s this stunned smile on his face, and he’s shaking his head slightly. “Flying cars.”

You laugh, and then a strange, warbling sound takes the place of the humming. The car wavers in the air, and then crashes down the short distance to the stage. The mechanisms spark, and the lights on the car go dark. The crowd is silent for a moment, and then scattered applause starts.

Howard is unfazed. “I did say a few years, didn’t I?” He laughs for a moment as the crowd continues to applaud.

Demonstration over, Bucky is ready to find something else. “Hey, Steve,” he says, squeezing your shoulder, “what do you say we treat these girls…” He trails off, his grip on you loosening so he can turn around completely. You follow him, realizing that Steve is no longer behind you. “Did you see where he went, Becca?”

She shakes her head, and Bucky lets out a huff, lifting his head so he can scan the crowd better. You do the same, and when your eyes land on the poster of Uncle Sam that’s taped up to one of the pavilions, an arrow pointing the way to recruitment. You reach for Bucky’s hand. “I know where he is.”

The recruitment building is just outside of the Expo; you’d had to walk by it to get in, and had been sure to distract Steve with some question about baseball to keep his attention elsewhere.

Sure enough, Steve is walking up the steps. Bucky releases you and takes the stairs two at a time, grabbing Steve’s shoulder and turning him. You stop at the bottom of the steps, close enough that you can still hear their voices. “Come on,” Bucky says, “you’re kinda missing the point of enjoying my last night in the city. We’re taking the girls dancing.”

“You go ahead,” Steve replies, shrugging off Bucky’s hand. “I’ll catch up with you.”

You can see the prickle in Bucky’s shoulders. “You’re really gonna do this again?” His voice sounds exhausted. You think about the enlistment form currently tucked in your purse; since Bucky’s enlistment and attendance to the training camp, Steve has tried to enlist four times in total, claiming a different residence every time, being turned away for his medical conditions each time.

The pair of you had met up to see a movie one day, something to fill the space between Bucky’s visits, and Steve had shown up nearly an hour late. He’d walked past one of the recruiting stations on his way to meet you, and had gotten…side-tracked. That was the third time he’d tried to enlist, and you’d berated him for it. “They’ll find out you’re lying, Steve,” you’d said. The movie had started long before he’d arrived, so you’d ditched that plan and opted for milkshakes instead. You gave him the same speech Bucky would have between sips of strawberry ice cream. “Or worse, they’ll take you, and you’ll end up dead. And where does that leave me?”

You’d felt guilty playing that card, but it was a last resort. Steve had quickly become one of your best friends, and not just because your only common thread was Bucky. Steve was the most genuine person you’d come to know in the city. He’d gone through hell, lost his whole family, but he still tried to look on the bright side of things. And he stood up for what he believed in. You knew that meant fighting the war, but it still didn’t hurt any less knowing that if Steve went across the sea, you’d be left alone.

He glances at you over Bucky’s shoulder now, but his voice doesn’t waver when he speaks. “Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck.”

“As who, Steve from Ohio?” Bucky bites back. He’s exasperated now. You take one step up the stairs, but he holds up a hand to stop you. “They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you.”

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do this,” Steve says. The defeated look on his face makes your chest hurt.

“This isn’t some back alley, Steve,” Bucky says, and his voice is climbing now. “This is a war!”

“I know it’s a war,” Steve replies.

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs.”

Steve blinks up at him. “What do you want me to do, Buck? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?”

“Yes!” Bucky nearly shouts, throwing his hands up. “Why not?”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.” Bucky tries to cut him off, but Steve keeps talking. “Bucky, come on. There are men laying down their lives.” His eyes cut to you for a second. “Men leaving behind everything they love and care about to fight. I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.”

“Right,” Bucky says after a beat, nodding his head. “’Cause you got nothing to prove.”

Steve heaves out a breath, and Bucky opens his mouth to say more, but you call out, “Honey, come on, let’s go dancing.”

Bucky turns to you, holds his arms wise. “Of course, doll. We’re going dancing.”

You smile at him, try to convince him to drop the fight with your eyes, and you don’t miss Steve’s appreciative look behind Bucky, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Then Bucky turns back to his friends, his head shaking slightly, and even from your spot you can see the wetness of his eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid till I get back,” he tells Steve, and takes a step down the staircase.

“How can I?” Steve retorts, a tiny grin tugging at his mouth. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky bounds up the steps then and pulls Steve into a tight hug. “You’re a punk.”

“Jerk,” Steve throws back, but it’s half-hearted. They clap each other on the back and Bucky pulls away. “Be careful. Don’t win the war till I get there!”

Bucky takes one step back, salutes Steve, and then turns on his heel, hurrying down the steps and joining you and Becca. “Come on, girls,” he says, reaching for your hand, “they’re playing our song.”

You head for the dance hall, the same one where you’d had your wedding reception. Becca quickly finds a few of her friends on the dance floor, leaving you and Bucky at the table you’d snagged the moment you walked in the door. He’d ordered a bottle of champagne, and you’re well into your second glass.

“You gotta watch out for Steve,” Bucky says. He’s leaning forward in his seat, elbows on his knees, one of your hands between his. He keeps kissing your knuckles, rubbing his thumb over your engagement and wedding bands. “While I’m gone. You gotta make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Like fight the war?” you ask. Something flickers in his face and he pulls back, still holding your hand, but his brows pull together. “I didn’t mean that.”

“You said you weren’t mad about it, Y/N,” Bucky says, eyeing you. “You said you weren’t mad at me for enlisting.”

“I’m not mad at you, James,” you say, sipping your champagne. “Don’t put words in my mouth.”

He raises his brows at you. “Easy.”

You set the glass down on the table again. “I’m not mad at you, I’m not mad at Steve. I’m mad at the world, Bucky. I’m mad that I finally found you, found something that was mine, that no one else could have, and now it might be taken from me. Forever.”

He pulls you to your feet in an instant, one hand held in the air, his other on your waist, yours on his shoulder. His face has softened completely, and he leads you over to the dancefloor just as the band starts playing something slow and sweet, and you realize after a moment that it’s the same song you’d danced your first dance to on your wedding night.

“I’m not in the business of breaking my promises, Y/N,” Bucky says, his voice low in your ear as you start to sway. “Especially not to you. Never to you. I’ll always come back.” He brings your clasped hands to his chest, and you can feel his heart beating like a racehorse beneath your hand. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you reply, your voice betraying you and coming out all shaky and sad. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, doll,” Bucky says, kissing your forehead. “Just dance with me.”

You dance until it’s nearly midnight, and you’ve finished off the bottle of champagne. Becca wanders over to the table, yawning around her words and asking if you’ll take her home. Bucky pays the tab, gathers your coats, and you leave the hall, hailing a taxi to take you back to Barnes & Noble. Becca gives her brother a long hug before she disappears up the stairs, wiping the tears from under her eyes as she goes. Bucky waits until the door shuts behind her, and then takes your hand again, leading you to the small backroom of the shop.

It used to be an office, you think, but since you’ve been married, Bucky had turned the room into a small getaway for the two of you. The mattress on the floor is a bit lumpy, but you don’t really care. The room smells of books and there’s a few candles in the corners and on the desk that takes up the far side of the room. You light a few of the candles as Bucky removes his uniform, the buttons taking forever to come undone. He groans, frustrated when one of them gets stuck and you swat his hands away, pushing the button through its hole with ease.

He kisses your temple once. “What am I supposed to do without you, huh?”

You let out a little scoff as he finishes undressing, and you do the same, shrugging out of your sweater and starting on the buttons of your dress. It drops to the floor with the rest of your clothes and Bucky is on you in an instant, starting at your lips and kissing his way down. His fingers hook in your stockings, dragging them down your legs as he presses his mouth to the inside of your thigh. The familiar heat sparks in your belly and he pulls your stockings off slowly, followed by your undergarments.

“Even if this is my last night on earth,” he whispers, fingers tracing along your chin, tilting your head up so he can brush his mouth across yours, the lightest of kisses, “there’s no one else I’d rather spend it with.”

It’s slow. Slower than you’d gone on your wedding night, when you’d been nervous and new to making love. You’ve learned over the months since then, learned what he likes and doesn’t like, and more importantly, learned what you like and don’t like. Most of his weekend visits have been full of secret trysts, hiding from both your families, but this is different. There’s a certain kind of slowness to it.

He’s taking his time, you finally realize. He’s tracing your outline under his fingers, committing you to memory, memorizing the way you taste. Because it could be the last time he’ll have the chance.

Afterwards, you lie in each other’s arms, Bucky trailing his fingers up and down your spine while you lay on his chest. His heartbeat is steady beneath your ear, and the movement of his hands is lulling you to sleep, but you can’t bring yourself to close your eyes.

“We really need to find Steve a girl,” Bucky says after a long silence, and you huff out a quiet laugh.

“He’ll find one,” you say, “when the time is right.”

“I meant what I said about setting him up with Jane.”

You wrinkle your nose. “I don’t think she’d go for it.”

“No?”

You let out a yawn, cuddling deeper against Bucky’s warm body. “No.” You lift your head for a moment to kiss his lips once, then settle down again. “Goodnight, Mr. Barnes.”

Bucky presses his lips to the crown of your head and pulls the blankets tighter. “Goodnight, Mrs. Barnes.”

It’s raining the next morning when you wake, droplets pelting the window in the office. The sound is soothing, a steady beat against the glass, but it’s fitting, you think. A grey atmosphere for a grey day.

You’re only just blinking your eyes open when Bucky starts to rouse, body shifting beneath you. You’re still on his chest, his arms still twined around you. He mumbles something you can’t make out, hands starting to trace shapes up and down your back.

“I’m gonna fall asleep again if you keep that up,” you whisper into his chest, turning your head to plant a kiss in the centre of it.

“Wish I could, doll,” he murmurs back. He kisses your forehead. “We should get up. I have to be at the station for eight.”

You just nod, following Bucky’s lead as he shifts you off of him, pushing the blankets back and rising off the mattress. He walks around the office, collecting the discarded pieces of his uniform and brushing them off. You watch him from your spot, still on the mattress, clutching the blanket to your chest.

You’re struck by how handsome he is, how his body moves as he dresses. The muscles of his back are sculpted and defined, and after a moment, you rise from the bed, blanket still tucked around you, and loop your arms around his waist, pressing your face into the dip between his shoulders. He lets out a low hum that vibrates through his body, covering your hands with his own.

“It’s selfish,” you mumble against his back, “but I don’t want you to go.”

He turns in your grip, brushing his fingers through your mussed hair. “I don’t want to go, either. I don’t want to leave you. I want to stay here, start our life together, see what’s in store for us. But if I don’t go out there and fight, if I don’t try and help us win the war, that might never happen.” He kisses your forehead. “And as much as I hate to admit it, Steve is right. There are men laying down their lives, and I got no right to do any less.”

You just nod. “Wish that kid wasn’t so well spoken.”

Bucky barks a laugh. “You and me both.”

You both dress quickly, you helping with the buttons and straightening the lapels of his jacket. You brush off his hat and hand it to him, and Bucky runs a hand through his hair before placing it on his head.

Before you leave, Bucky goes upstairs to say goodbye. You linger in the shop, wanting to give him some time alone with the rest of the Barnes family. You can hear his mother sobbing even from your place in the shop, and you do your best to ignore it, although all it does it add to the pain that’s started in your chest. Pain you don’t think is going to ebb anytime soon.

He comes back down, wetness rimming his eyes. You stand at the bottom of the steps. “Ready?”

Bucky lets out a little huff, but his back straightens and he lifts his hand in a salute. “As I’ll ever be.”

There’s a crack in his voice, but before you can say anything, he surges forward, gathering you into his arms and dipping you low, kissing you deeper than he ever has before. You cling to him, returning the kiss with just as much enthusiasm. He lifts his mouth from your after a long moment, the both of you breathless, and shuts his eyes, just holding you close in the back of the bookstore.

“Let’s go,” he says finally, straightening you in his arms and pushing a piece of hair behind your ear. “Before I change my mind.”

You leave the bookstore, arm tucked through his. You’re leaning against him the whole time, your head pressed against his shoulder, gripping his sleeve as though your life depends on it.

“Is Steve meeting us there?” you ask as you get closer to the station. Anxiety and sadness had been pooling in your gut from the moment you left the store, and it’s only building as you walk, making your hands shake.

Bucky shakes his head. “I don’t think so. We said our goodbyes last night. I need you to keep an eye on him for me, will ya? You know I worry about the kid.”

“I know,” you say, nodding, “and I will. Best I can.”

His hand covers yours on his arm and squeezes your fingers. “That’s my girl.”

You walk the rest of the way in silence, and when the bus station comes into view, your breath hitches in your throat. Men in uniform litter the station, families of all shapes and sizes gathered around them, wishing them well. There are a few young couples, not unlike you and Bucky. Most of the women are weeping, wet hankies in hand, and the men are shushing them and holding them close.

You freeze in place, Bucky still carrying on until your grip on him yanks him backward. He turns and looks at you, and you know your face is a mess of emotions, of love and sadness and terror. “Hey,” he whispers, pulling you close. “I’m coming back, Y/N. No matter what.”

You nod into his shoulder, but your mind is a mess. This is not real, this is not real, this is not real. This is some cruel joke being played on you. This isn’t happening.

The bus horn rings out twice, and the men start to shuffle onto it. Bucky looks over his shoulder, watching his comrades board. He hugs you tightly, nose buried in your hair for a moment, and then drops his chin, kissing you hard.

You’re reluctant to let go of him, and he almost has to pry your fingers from his jacket. “Go find Steve, okay?” he tells you, rubbing his hands up and down your arms. “Go find Steve, and I’ll write you, okay? I’ll send letters, Y/N, as often as I can.”

You’re nodding, you realize, tears slipping down your cheeks silently.

“Go find Steve,” Bucky repeats, kissing your forehead and then your wet cheeks. “I love you, Y/N.”

You just keep nodding.

One more kiss is pressed to your lips, and then he’s gone.

And your heart goes with him.

#the way we were / the way we are #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes smut #the winter soldier fic #the winter soldier smut #bucky barnes x y/n #my fics

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bluefirewrites · 2 years

Text

More 50's Juke

continuation of my quick little ‘50s juke blurb along with the full pic of my artwork (the drawing in the middle)

click on pic for better quality

"Hey,"

Greaser Boy had hung back, leaning against the classroom door once she and Flynn stepped into the hallway.

His unexpected greeting startled her, but it was taking all of Julie’s willpower not to cower under his open, public acknowledgement.

"Hi," she said, which triggered a subtle elbow to her side from Flynn, who was trying to tug her down the hall, away from trouble.

Julie let her friend lead the way.

But trouble still followed.

He hustled over, dodging the oncoming crowd of students hurrying about trying to leave school, "Need, uh, any help?"

She blinked at him, "Excuse me?"

The Greaser ticked his head towards her belongings.

"With your books?"

Julie nearly stumbled on her Mary-Janes, but Flynn steadied her. They shared a look.

Did he really just-?

The inner monologue of hers was screaming. Because it was one thing to say hi to her.

It was another thing to offer help her with her books that was a gesture none would take lightly.

They- she, her bestie, and this oddly-chivalrous Greaser- were still walking the halls, heading for the exit.

"Uh," She kept glancing between him, Flynn, and the sweet sweet freedom that was the open door leading out to the bright blue skies.

"No thanks," Flynn answered for her, smiling sickly sweet at the Greaser, which basically read as 'Get lost'.

It only made the boy chuckle.

Julie frowned, opting to be nicer, "No, that's very nice of you-"

"Luke," he introduced.

"-Luke. But Flynn and I have plans at-"

"-Salt and Pepper?" He must have caught her look of apprehension and held his hands up in surrender, "Lucky guess. It's just the spot for your group."

Her group. The cream of the crop at Los Feliz, who always had pocket change on them for a quick dance and shake at the diner. A place were she rarely saw anyone the likes of Luke hang out.

"Oh. And where does your group go?" she inquired.

And there was that smile again.

"Wouldn't you like to know..."

Much to Julie’s horror, she did want to know. She had always been a curious person and she did wonder where all the Greasers would meet. She would watch them from time to time, getting up to their own fun near school grounds, listening to music that Julie’s dad wouldn’t want her to listen to.

And was this Greaser- sorry, Luke- just as curious about her? And her world? What were his intentions anyway? If this was some sort of prank, some prelude to trouble she wasn’t ready for? She had to know.

Suddenly, she gave him a grin, seemingly normal but to Flynn it held the hint of mischief.

“Well since you know where I’m gonna be, you should come by. To S&P.”

Flynn’s eyes bugged out of her head and for a moment Luke was thrown off too. She had extended an invitation to the most Soc place in town.

Then after some careful scrutiny, he smirked. And called her out on her bluff, “Yeah. I’ll be there, Julie from History.” “Yo, Luke! Come on man! Let’s go!” A group of boys glided by, all sporting the Phantom crest on their leather jackets, and picked up Luke, who went without protest.

Flynn would end up calling her different shades of crazy all the way to the diner, where they meet the rest of their group at their usual booth.

Julie spent the whole time at Salt and Pepper anticipating Luke's arrival.

She didn't mention it to anyone else apart from Flynn who had been there when it happened. So she sat in the booth, flanked by Kayla and Carrie, trying to keep up with conversation regarding their next choir practice.

But mostly spotting the door for any flash of a chain, a switchblade or even the sheen of greased up hair.

An hour passed but everything carried on like normal. She should have known. This wasn’t his scene.

Then it was eventually time to go, although most of her friends kept the little party going. But Julie had a ways way get home so it was best to start going now before it got too dark.

She and Flynn exited the diner and started making their way towards the street when all of the sudden they were bombarded by frantic honking to their right.

The vehicle in question stuck out like a sore thumb, less shiny and new like the other cars in the park. And as Julie walked over for a closer look, she could spot the telltale swoop of the ‘Curve's curve running along the body.

"Luke?" The greaser's name was readily waiting on her lips that she forgot she had only heard the name once a few hours ago.

This time around a pair of shades were perched on the bridge of his nose, his arm hanging out the window, fingers drumming along the exterior.

"Hey, Candy Girl”

The newly minted nickname brought on the encore of blushing.

Coughing, she stamped down the awkwardness, "Uh. Did you just get here?"

He shook his head, "Nope. Just been waiting."

"For what?"

The boy disembarked his vehicle, slamming the door and leaning against it. She could see his hands twitching to reach into his pocket and pull out a cigarette before deciding against it.

He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Do you need a ride home?"

Okay. Julie needed... to process this. After weeks of nonverbal exchanges, now all of the sudden he was offering to carry her books and take her home?

“Yeah,” Julie said. There was just something about Luke, something genuine about his concern. Luke offered the same to Flynn, who seemed to want to keep Julie in her sight at all times. “Julie?” Carrie had come out, along with a crowd of kids, and was making her way towards them. Deciding to be brash and bold for once, Julie practically leapt into the passenger seat, Flynn doing the same for the back. Luke sent an amused glance to the group of Soc’s, saluting them before returning to the wheel.

With a rev of the engine, the ‘Curve peeled out of the lot, leaving the rest of Julie’s friends dumbfounded. She couldn’t help but giggle at their expressions in the rearview mirror. The ride home had been fun, with Luke cranking up the radio and bursting into song, delighting Julie, who sang along with him (and bewildering Flynn, remaining silent). Flynn was the first to be dropped off, not too far from Julie’s. She left with a very poignant warning directed at her best friend, “Don’t make me call your dad if you never come home.” Luke waved at her good naturedly, not offended in the slightest. All too soon they arrived at Julie’s, though safely concealed behind a bush. If her dad was home, he wouldn’t be able to spot her from inside.

Luke seemed to know this already. Or was smart enough to know what would happen if someone like her was seen in his car.

“Thank you, Luke,”

“It’s no problem,”

“But can I just ask?” Julie gestured at the space between them, “What is this?”

Luke ducked his head, scratching the back of his neck, “Um, isn’t it obvious? I’m, uh, trying to court you.”

“Yeah but why me?”

“‘Cuz you’re sweet and pretty and talented. Why wouldn’t it be you?”

"I could say the same about you,” Julie recalled his singing from earlier. He sounded great. Would make a great addition to the school choir. But that didn’t seam feasible for him. Luke didn’t seem to go to school regularly. Except for their shared class.

“Look, I know it’s a gamble, I’m a gamble, but how about one date? Passion pit’s playin’ that cat Dean’s movie tomorrow night?”

That sounded so enthralling too.

Julie risked a glance at her house and then she nodded, “What time?”

Luke beamed, a full on goofy smile, which was uncharacteristic for a Greaser like him, “I-I mean I got help the boys out at the garage, but after, ‘kay? 7. I could pick you up?”

“Or I could meet you at the garage?” She knew where it was. Her mom had made sure she knew, “I’ve seen you guys working on that Oldsmobile. A ‘55? It looked like.”

Stunned, Luke struggled to speak, “You know cars?”

Julie wasn’t ready to divulge too much about that. Instead she shot him what she hoped was a flirty smile, “Goodnight, Ghost Boy” “Goodnight, Candy Girl.”

She exited the car and hurried to her door, hoping her neighbors hadn’t caught her yet. Her dad wasn’t home. Neither was her brother, and so Julie made a beeline to her room, collapsing onto her bed with breathlessly.

She had a date. With a Phantom. A greaser. Tomorrow night.

And she didn’t mind one bit.

Tagging @blush-and-books @lydias--stiles @teenagepeanutbird @thedeathdeelers @shelvesofgold @untidytowns @echocharm17618 @hey-there-juliet @ourstarscollided @pink-flame @missjoolee @smolfangirl @story-courty

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #juke-box #palina #julie x luke #luke x julie #50's AU #btw 'soc' is pronounced as 'soshe' as in short for 'social'#i think #i watched the Outsiders once and-#Greaser!Luke and Soc!Julie

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dongofthewolf · 3 years

Note

Omg I’m sorry for not realizing u had a list 😅 but I wasn’t wondering if u could do 41 with Abby and could u make it like rlly angsty but with some fluff or smut at the end

Everything Good in Life Seems to Lead Back to You

Abby Anderson X Reader

Prompt: 41. Overhearing they have feelings for you

Warnings: blood and injury, canon typical violence, swearing, fluff, angst (I tried anon I tried), Owen slander once again (sorry not sorry)

Gender neutral pronoun for the reader (if you’d like your request to use specific pronouns please add to the ask)

Link to the prompt list here

A/N: it’s safe to say that I wrote this with the speed of a thousand blazing horses if that even makes any sense. I hope that you all enjoy this lovely word vomit (esp if you requested) it was a blast to write !!

btw the Virginia Woolf reference is from her letters to Vita Sackville and the Jane Austen one is from Pride and Prejudice. What can I say? I guess I’m just a hoe for old love, baby.

Abby spent a lot of time reading; so much so that she had created this false expectation of what love was supposed to feel like. Abby believed that love was supposed to be strong, and passionate, and bright—an everlasting devotion. Of course she shrugged it off at first, they were just books after all—pieces of fiction to fantasize and dream about. Love wasn’t something you could define in a book nor could it ever live up to the likes of Shakespeare or Virginia Woolf.

Abby had never been in love; she sometimes believes she came close to some iteration of it when she was with Owen, but looking back now she realized that what she felt wasn’t love. It was a desperate attempt to be wanted—to be needed, a manifestation of her desire for approval. And after her falling out with him, Abby had come to accept that she simply wasn’t made for love, and that if by some miracle she ever did fall, it definitely wouldn’t be like the books.

That was Abby’s initial perspective on love, but oh how times have changed. The moment you waltzed into her life, every sad, pathetic notion she had about love was thrown out the window in a matter of seconds. Never in her most outrageous dreams did Abby expect to fall this hard, especially since the two of you were practically best friends.

In fact, it had been very platonic at first; Abby was your superior and you often worked together on missions. She didn’t know what compelled her to talk to you but when she did, the two of you hit it off immediately. You started training together, then working out together, and eventually you were spending almost every minute together. The two of you could literally correctly predict every thought that went through each other's head, all except of course (in Abby’s case) for one. It even got to the point where you both somehow knew when the other couldn’t sleep, so much so that Abby had grown accustomed to opening her door to see you holding a glass of milk and a plate of cookies like a little kid on Christmas. She had spent so many sleepless nights alone only to realize that the one thing she was missing, was you and your adorable midnight snacks.

Abby never entertained the thought of professing her slightly less than platonic feelings for you, because she had become content with the idea that you’d simply never feel the same. However, while she had come to accept her unfortunate situation to be a permanent one, it still hurt her when she saw you flirt with other people. And she’d be lying if she said your absentminded touches didn’t still send her soaring. Sometimes she hated how naturally affectionate you were, it made it so hard for her to not love you.

The box that Abby had continually shoved herself into so she wouldn’t fuck up your friendship was almost starting to feel like home, and as uncomfortable as it was, she knew it was for the best. Almost nothing could compel Abby to leave this torturous, self-inflicted prison she was trapped in. Almost nothing.

—

The mission was supposed to be a simple one: get in, get the weapons, get out. A mission so simple, the both of you could’ve done it in your sleep. In fact, on a few occasions after a long night of drinking, you had practically done just that. You met up with the group of traders who you were well acquainted with, and the deal went down smoothly. Everything was going according to plan, which is why you and Abby were completely caught off guard when a group of rogue hunters suddenly began firing shots like it was a fucking carnival.

Turns out there was a new rival group in town, and someone had tipped them off. You and Abby luckily were able to find cover from their relentless fire, but not before you got a bullet straight through your left thigh. You didn’t even realize it at first, the adrenaline coursing through your veins still working to protect you from the devastating pain that was to come. When you did notice it, you had already lost copious amounts of blood. Then the dizziness began to set in, and soon after the pain. Abby hadn’t even realized you were injured till you slumped over on the ground next to her.

Looking down in horror, Abby lifted you into her arms. “Y/N? What’s wrong? Why are y-” Then Abby noticed the blood, and suddenly she was panicking. “Oh shit. Oh fuck, Y/N we have to get you out of here.”

“T-the package, we need the package. Can’t leave without it.” Your response was weak, desperate. You had to finish the mission, the WLF was in dire need of these supplies and you were not going to be the one to tell Isaac you failed.

“Fuck the package, we need to get you back to base.” Abby removed her belt, turnoqueting your leg with such surprising ease that you nearly didn’t notice the agonizing pain in your leg. Nearly.

You groaned when Abby hoisted you into her arms bridal style, careful not to move your leg too much before she booked it to the truck. When she plopped you down into the passenger's seat and began to speed away from the scene, you suddenly felt your eyes becoming heavier. You were so tired. You had lost so much blood already and your body felt like it was shutting down.

Abby was frantically racing towards the base, eyes fixed to the road until she heard you let out a small whine. “Abby, I‘m so tired. Need to sleep.”

Abby noticed you drifting off and she reached her arm out to shake your shoulder violently. “No. No sleeping, you gotta stay awake Y/N.”

Though Abby didn’t mention it, she was terrified. When she looked over at you, you were pale and cold to the touch, drifting off while your leg continued to bleed profusely despite her tourniquet. This could be it; you could die right now, and Abby would have lost the one person in this world she cared about most. She couldn’t let that happen, she wouldn’t.

You were equally as terrified as Abby; every natural instinct in your body was begging for you to sleep and you were becoming tired of trying to ignore it. The last thing you remembered was the look on the face of the girl you had fallen for, her eyes brimming with tears while she wore a desperate, horrified expression.

—

You laid unconscious for what felt like an eternity and Abby never left your side. She had abandoned her duties (with Isaac’s permission) and spent every second next to you, her head resting on the edge of your bed while she waited for you to wake up. The only thing that prompted Abby to step away was Manny, who had heard what happened and went to check on her.

Manny knew full and well that Abby was in love with you; in fact, almost all of Abby’s friends knew. Abby had confided in him during many torturous nights and he was a surprisingly good listener. He understood her circumstances and never pushed her to confess her feelings for you, even if it did annoy him how oblivious Abby was to the fact that you obviously felt the same way. “Abby, I heard what happened. Is everything okay?”

Abby was exhausted, she hadn’t slept at all since you made it back to the base and she couldn’t get the memory of your cold, pale body out of her head. “I almost lost them, Manny. Y/N could’ve died out there without ever knowing how I feel about them.” Tears threatened to fall but Abby did her best to keep her composure.

“It’s going to be okay, Abby. Y/N’s here and they’re alive, and that’s all that matters.” Manny’s hand was on Abby’s shoulder, trying his best to comfort her. “You should tell them how you feel though.”

“Huh?” Abby hadn’t expected that. Manny knew her situation well enough to know that telling you how she felt was a bad idea… It was a bad idea, right?

“It’s like you said, Y/N could’ve died without ever knowing how you feel about them. Wouldn’t it be better to have no regrets at all?” The words stopped Abby in her tracks. She never thought she’d actually agree with Manny.

“It’s just- I love Y/N so much, and I don’t want to lose them this way.” Abby was on the brink of tears, her voice turning into a desperate plea.

“I’m not going anywhere Abs.”

Abby froze, turning around slowly. You were gripping to the doorway for support, limping on one leg and looking extremely weathered.

“Y/N!” Abby immediately ran to put your arm around her shoulder while she carried you back to your bed, setting you down carefully. “You shouldn't be on your leg, you could make it worse.”

There was genuine concern on Abby’s face and in that moment you weren’t sure you could love her any more than you already did. She was so incredibly sweet and caring and no one had ever shown this much concern for your safety and well-being. You had heard her through the door and you couldn’t stop yourself from interrupting her. There was so much about Abby you absolutely adored and she had no idea. How could she not have known you were hopelessly in love with her? Was she truly that oblivious to your obvious flirting? All the subtle touches, the pathetic excuses to sleep in her bed, the fact you literally went out of your way to find rare coins so you could bring them back to her, it all just flew over her head. You couldn’t believe it.

Abby was still rambling about your leg, clearly trying to pretend like she didn’t just profess her love for you while you were standing right behind her. Instead of speaking, you wrapped your hands around her neck before leaning in, silencing her with a kiss so perfect you could’ve passed out right there. You could tell she was stunned at first, but soon enough she was kissing you back. Her fingers were running through your hair and when you pulled away she leaned her forehead against yours, not wanting to part from you.

“Did you mean it?” You pulled away to look Abby in the eyes, your hands still wrapped around her shoulders.

Abby had a dumbstruck look on her face. “Mean what?”

“When you said you loved me, did you mean it?” Your eyes searched her face for an answer while your heart was beating a million miles a minute.

Abby smiled, her eyebrows furrowed as she spoke. “Y/N, I have loved you for as long as I can remember. I’m so hopelessly in love with you that it’s almost pathetic. You have no idea how essential to me you have become—how many nights I’ve stayed awake because you weren’t there to hog all the blankets. Y/N, you have no idea how ardently I love you.”

You smirked “Abigail Anderson did you just quote Virginia Woolf and Jane Austen?” You couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, Abby could be such a nerd sometimes.

“I just confessed my ever-lasting love for you and that’s the first thing you say?” Abby was smiling widely now, relief flowing through her now that she no longer had to conceal her feelings for you.

“I love you too Abs, so fucking much. Also I do not hog the blankets, your comforter is simply too small.” Abby chuckled before she leaned in for another kiss, the worry suddenly disappearing the moment her lips touched yours.

Although Abby had never really known what she expected love to be, this is what she imagines it’d feel like, and you bet your ass it was better than the books. To tell the truth, it was better than any other conceivable thing on this entire planet. Nothing could beat the way Abby felt now that she had finally broken free from her excruciating self-inflicted prison.

Abby pulled away from the kiss, gazing at you lovingly. “Are you hungry?”

God damn Abby, it was like she knew exactly what you were thinking. You didn’t know how long you had been unconscious for, but you were ravenous. “Starving.”

And almost as if you were telepathically communicating, the both of you spoke at the exact same time.

“Cookies?”

“Cookies.”

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson imagine #the last of us imagine #abby anderson #abby tlou #tlou2 #the last of us 2 #fluff #angst #requests #perhaps cookies will be our always #yes I did use an AURORA song for my title #that song literally cured me okay #if you made it down this far just wanted to let u know that I’m big gay #okay bye

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traincat · 3 years

Note

I feel like I've read a ton, but I'm honestly still pretty new to comics rn. That being said... What is one more day? Ik we don't like it and it happened a while ago, but that's about it [,=

Time for Spider-Man History With Traincat: Highly Controversial Storylines! And that feeling is totally normal with comics with huge canons -- you can read a ton and still have some fairly big blindspots in your understanding of the total picture. That being said, this is kind of a big one, both in terms of Spider-Man history/canon and in terms of how Spider-Man fandom functions. I would say probably no other storyline has had quite as much impact on how the fandom views and interacts with the source material as One More Day/Brand New Day. It's been the Wild West out here ever since it happened. (Which was in 2007, so like, yes, fairly long ago, especially when you look at how Spider-Man canon has evolved since, but in the grand scheme of things, also kind of recent. One More Day is not old enough to rent a car.)

So when people talk about Spider-Man's One More Day, they're usually actually talking about two related arcs: One More Day and Brand New Day. For the sake of simplicity, I'm going to be covering both. For the sake of transparency, I am going to admit that I think One More Day, as a self-contained story, is good, actually. This is controversial! I admit that! But I stand by my stupid opinions on this blog, for some reason. I think One More Day when you examine it on its own, by which I mean you ignore the decade and a half worth of canon that came after it, as a Spider-Man story and as a PeterMJ-centric story holds up under scrutiny and that people who don't like it don't like complicated love stories and might actually throw their own mothers under buses. No offense to the OMD haters. Little bit of offense to the OMD haters. Brand New Day, which is the continuation of One More Day, on the other hand -- largely bad. Very largely bad.

But let's backtrack. One More Day is a four issue crossover storyline that takes place directly after Civil War, during which Iron Man and Captain America got divorced and divvied up the superhero community and Spider-Man made some startlingly bad decisions and made a fugitive out of himself and his family in a manner that got Aunt May shot, and Spider-Man: Back in Black (Amazing Spider-Man #539–543) which examines Peter's actions immediately after Aunt May is shot and ends with him humiliating the Kingpin in front of an entire prison. One More Day consists of Amazing Spider-Man #544 -> Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #24 -> Sensational Spider-Man v2 #41 -> Amazing Spider-Man #545. In One More Day, Aunt May is dying, all of Peter's efforts to save her have thus far failed, and, consumed by guilt, he is rapidly running out of time. Approached by Mephisto, a literal demon from hell, Peter is offered a deal: Aunt May will live -- and Peter's identity, which was previously revealed to the world at large during Civil War, will once again be hidden from the memories of all but a select few -- if Peter trades him his marriage to Mary Jane. Peter and Mary Jane struggle with this, but eventually both agree to the deal. The clock strikes twelve, the deal is done, and Peter and Mary Jane's marriage fades into history.

(ASM #545) A reasonably simple premise for a story that caused so many problems -- most, I would argue, not actually the original story's fault. So obviously, this was an unpopular move -- Peter and Mary Jane had for a long time been a fan favorite Marvel couple, and in a fictional universe where most relationships are doomed as soon as they begin, the enduring Spider-Marriage was sacred ground. And then, with a snap of its fingers, it was gone: Peter wakes up in Aunt May's house, no longer married, with Mary Jane out of the picture. (She would not return to the book on any sort of consistent basis for over 50 issues.) In the wake of One More Day began Brand New Day, which is basically what it sounds like: a promised "brand new day" of "exciting" Spider-Man content and a publishing schedule where Amazing Spider-Man came out three times a month. (Which sounds good on paper but I think in practice caused more problems than it created good storylines.) Peter, newly single again, had new love interests! And also Harry Osborn was alive again for some reason! I generally like Harry's post-BND stories so that part's fine with me.

But overall? Brand New Day is a mess. It knows it wants to tread new and exciting ground with Peter -- tell new stories! ensnare new readers! make them fork out for a book three times a month. -- but it doesn't know what those stories should be. Readers who were invested in Peter and Mary Jane's relationship -- a major facet of Spider-Man comics for decades at that point -- felt rightfully betrayed that the marriage could be so easily traded in and that Mary Jane herself, perhaps the second most important figure in Spider-Man comics after Peter, could be tossed aside. From a personal point of view, I think Brand New Day fails in large part because it abandons what has always made Spider-Man such a compelling series, and that's the mix of Peter's personal life with his vigilante life. BND sees Peter with new friends, new jobs, new love interests, etc -- it is very much a brand new day! But it isn't a better day compared to the stories that came before it. I do like some post-BND stories, especially American Son (ASM #595-599) and Grim Hunt (ASM #634-637), but compared to pre-BND where I think the majority of canon is good, it's a very lacking body of work that is hurt by the way it divorced itself from the PeterMJ marriage as Spider-Man's central relationship.

"But Traincat, I thought you said you liked One More Day?" Yeaaaaah. I do. This is why I keep saying I like One More Day on its own merits, and not on the merits of the stories it opened the doors for. I like a good romantic tragedy in fiction, and the way Peter and Mary Jane's final scene in One More Day plays out is beautiful. I like the idea of Peter caught in this impossible situation, being asked to choose between two women he loves more than his own life. A really common criticism I see leveled against One More Day is that Peter should have chosen his relationship with Mary Jane over May's life, which is -- okay, I think it's weird that people keep insisting on this, not in the least because by asking Peter to sacrifice his aunt's life they're essentially demanding he commit a callous, out of character act in order to further his own interests. It's also weird because the thing is, Peter already chose Mary Jane over May -- that's what gets them into this situation. It's literally in the scene where May is shot:

(ASM #538) When the gun goes off, Peter's spider-sense kicks in, and he covers Mary Jane, leaving May in the path of the bullet. He does choose Mary Jane over May, regardless of whether he realized what he was doing. And that's why he can't make that choice a second time. His actions in One More Day do make sense for him as a character, whether or not any individual reader likes them, and Mary Jane's actions make sense, too -- after all, she's the one who ultimately tells Mephisto that they agree to the deal when Peter can't bring himself to voice it.

A lot of people also like to nitpick One More Day by going, well, why could (x) or (y) with life saving powers save Aunt May which is like -- yeah, I guess, but if we're going to ask that about this specific comic book near death setup, you kind of have to do it with every single one, and I'm not going to stake every single moment of comic book drama on whether or not that gold kid from the X-Men was busy at the time. Comics are soap operas in flimsy paper form: serialized longform storytelling that relies heavily on melodrama. Sometimes you have to go with things. Sometimes you sell your marriage to the devil. Stuff happens. That in and of itself doesn't make One More Day a bad story -- and while some people blame the Spider-Marriage's dissolution entirely on One More Day, I think that's a little shortsighted when you look at the history of Spider-Man since the turn of the century. It's clear -- and Marvel themselves have been perhaps a little too open about this -- that Marvel in the past few decades has had trouble with the direction they want to take Spider-Man. They WANTED Spider-Man to appeal to a distinctly youthful audience that they didn't think they were actually reaching -- understandable, considering that Marvel nearly went bankrupt around 2000 and was saved by Ultimate Spider-Man, an out of main continuity series which retold Spider-Man from the beginning and focused heavily on Peter as a teen -- but the problem was Spider-Man in the main continuity was at that point in canon a happily married man who was pushing the dreaded 30 whether or not they wanted to admit that. This is also why Marvel has continually pivoted away from Spider-Man having kids, because they feared that making him a dad would age him too much and make him unrelatable to their coveted audience of Teens. (This is also why almost every new Spider-Man property, especially the live action movies, perpetually stick him back into high school, despite that occupying a very small slice of 616 canon.) So around the year 2000, they started trying things in relation to the Spider-Marriage, which was viewed as a major problem -- after all, what's more adult than being married and liking your wife. First, they had Mary Jane presumed dead. Then, they had Mary Jane and Peter separate. Then, when Mary Jane and Peter had only recently gotten back together, One More Day struck. If One More Day specifically hadn't gone the way it had, it's pretty clear that the Spider-Marriage was going to go one way or another -- it's a little bit of a shame it happened when it did, because OMD is the end of J Michael Straczynski's run, and JMS wrote a really beautiful Peter and MJ relationship. But Marvel as a company and especially editor in chief at the time Joe Quesada viewed Peter and Mary Jane's relationship as a major problem in how they wanted to portray Spider-Man and thought that striking the relationship from the books would allow them more freedom in their portrayal of him as younger and more relatable to their Desired Audience of people who I guess really wanted to see Peter sleep with characters who weren't Mary Jane.

(ASM #546. Younger! Fresher! Less attached! Kissing random women in the club!)

The problem with One More Day has always been in the follow through -- from the content of Brand New Day to the pacing of events to the fact that Marvel withheld key information for such a long time that it allowed misinformation to thrive. After all, what does it MEAN to trade Peter and Mary Jane's marriage to the devil? It altered the events of canon in Peter and the majority of other characters' memories so that the marriage didn't exist, but it left people wondering -- did the relationship as they remembered it existed? How much of Spider-Man canon was altered? And the answers didn't come for over 100 issues of Amazing Spider-Man. One Moment In Time or OMIT (Amazing Spider-Man #638-641), which revealed that while Peter and Mary Jane never got married in the altered canon they did continue their long committed relationship up until just after Civil War, was published in 2010, so essentially readers were hung out to dry without answers for three years. That's a long time to string people along, but not as long as it took Marvel to confirm that the popular fan theory that Mary Jane retained her memories of the original timeline as part of her own deal with Mephisto was also true, which happened this year. I would say, at least from my perspective, a lot of the frustration doesn't come from the individual One More Day storyline so much as how Marvel has continually dragged out the aftermath, using the promise of a Spider-Marriage return to keep fans on the hook. Which is why One More Day continually comes up in discussion of current Spider-Man, because Spencer's run has relied very heavily on imagery from that period with a serious question of whether or not there actually was going to be payoff, something which is still up in the air.

This has been Spider-Man History With Traincat, brought to you by anonymice like you.

#traincat talks comics #long post #*replies

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myhauntedsalem · 3 years

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13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps

Death, illness and tragedy have long been part of the history of insane asylums, and for as long as they have existed, so too have the scary stories associated with them. From haunted hospitals to sadistic doctors and nurses, psychiatric wards have been the inspiration for many of our favorite horror movies and books. Yet, the true stories told by the psych ward workers below far surpass any horrors that we might have seen at the cinema or read in a book.

Without further ado, here are thirteen of some of the creepiest psych ward stories on the internet that have been shared by health care professionals.

1. Holding her own Eyes

My mom told me this story from her time at a neuropsychiatric ward while she was in grad school. She was making her routine room checks and happened upon the most horrific scene I’ve ever heard.

This was during the night shift, and generally, all the patients’ bedroom doors should be closed. So my mom turned a corner and noticed an open door. She saw a staff member’s legs on the floor, halfway out the doorway.

When she looked into the room, she saw the patient, a woman with a severe postpartum psychiatric disorder, who had just gouged both of her own eyes out with her bare hands. She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, holding her eyes in her hands.

The first staff member to witness the scene, who was now lying face down on the floor, had a heart attack when he first witnessed the woman while he was making his rounds.

My mom screamed for help and frantically tried to perform CPR on the staff member. All the while, the woman just sat rather calmly, holding her own eyes.

2. The Saw

I work as a psychotherapist in a hospital system. My definition of creepy is probably quite a bit different from other medical professionals.

The one that got to me the most was a patient who came to us after attempting suicide by sawing both his arms off at the forearm with a table saw. His arms were reattached, fairly successfully too, with only limited impairments in mobility. All I could think was how bad it would have to be to live in his head that sawing his arms off seemed better than that.

He has since completed suicide.

3. Jane?

We had a young lady in our custody with quite a few issues. We’ll call her Jane. Jane’s first night at our facility staff doing a bed check found Jane in a puddle of blood. Turns out Jane had been slicing the skin around her shin with her finger nails and was pulling her skin up her leg, essentially de-gloving her calf.

Jane also had a ritual she performed every night before bed. While in her room she would run between walls in her room touching them in a crucifix pattern. After doing this for a few hours she would sit on her bed and go to sleep. This particular night Jane was frantic in her pace, practically running between walls. Our night staff observed the entire interaction and reported Jane screaming late into the night. When the staff went to check on Jane she reported Jane standing in the doorway smiling. The staff asked what was wrong and Jane replied, “what makes you think you are speaking to Jane?”

4. The Vampire

My mom worked in mental institutions in her younger years (and actually worked at a large, well-known asylum before it was shut down.)

There was one woman there that thought she was a vampire of sorts. She was only allowed out one hour a day, and they had to use safety precautions. She had already attacked and killed at least one hospital worker before these were enacted.

When my Mom asked about her, it was revealed that she had killed at least two of her children, wounded another as well as her husband because she had some sort of physical condition called Porphyria, which apparently made her crave blood.

By the time that they discovered there was something physically wrong with her, she already had lost her mind from guilt and grief.

5. The Spitter

I’m not a psychologist but my friend is. She told me about a patient of hers who was HIV positive and a paranoid schizophrenic. He thought that the nurses who worked at the hospital he was in were trying to kill him, so he would frequently bite his tongue, and spit HIV positive blood into their faces/mouths. When they had to come into contact with him, they were required to wear full masks and gloves.

6. The Only One

I once knew a woman who had spent part of her residency at a psychiatric hospital for people with severe mental conditions. Apparently, the grounds had a lovely, enclosed greenhouse. One day, one of their schizophrenic patients was sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette, as a heron frantically flew around. It had found its way in and, not being able to escape, it was smashing into the large panes of glass. The man just sat there watching.

Finally, my counselor asked him if the bird was bothering him and he kind of sighed and said, “Thank god, I thought I was the only one seeing that.”

7. Family Photographs

My sister is the director of a psychiatric hospital. There was recently a lady there who would cut her arms, legs and torso open and place photographs of her family under her skin.

8. Under the Bed

Once, a fellow female patient told me she found writings under her bed. They were just old, small wooden bed frames with hard mattresses that would make all kinds of noises when you rolled over, but I still wondered what exactly she was doing lying under her bed to find these writings.

When she first told me, I thought it was a joke. But sure enough, one day during group we managed to sneak away, and she showed me. Indeed, there were stories written under her bed. After that, we had everyone check under their own beds, and there was more writing under every single bed.

They were stories of patients who had stayed here before, or ways they were planning on killing themselves, or who the good and bad nurses were. It creeped me out.

9. Time of Death

Well, my mother was a nurse that specialized in geriatrics, and she worked for several hospice hospitals for many years. She often described situations at her work with several of the patients. She would say that each person tends to have a very similar “checklist” that they follow right before death. This checklist often ended in a very similar way.

They would get caught talking to someone that wasn’t there. When asked who they (otherwise lucid people) were talking to, they would describe an individual who was already dead. When asked what they were talking about, they would say that their relative wanted to know if they were ready to move on. A pretty common response would be, “Yeah, he/she said that she will take me tomorrow at 3:00.” Well, it would often happen that they would die at the exact time their relatives quoted.

10. The Test Subject

I had an hour-long conversion with a delusional guy who was confined to a mental health facility, and who was probably smarter than I am. Lots of these folks believe that somebody – often the CIA – is either beaming thoughts into their heads, or has implanted a microchip in their brains for this purpose. This guy was offering a very thoughtful argument as to why such claims should not be so quickly dismissed.

“It’s precisely because such delusions are so common that mental patients make the best test subjects,” he said. There he was, confined and protected, constantly observed, his health and behavior documented, and there is zero chance that anyone would ever take his concerns seriously. How else would you test and improve such technology? Does the government not have a strong motivation and a plausible ability to create such a device?

“You can see I’m not irrational,” the man said. “I’m just straight-up telling you that they are doing this to me. I know just how unbelievable it sounds, and yet, here I am.”

11. The Boy who Loved Knives

As a tech in psych years ago, there was a 7-year-old kid sent to the floor because the mom didn’t know what to do with him. Sadly, common thing to happen, even if the kids don’t have psych issues. Anyway, the mom was shaking and crying, and they had to take the kid into another room. She was genuinely afraid of her own son. She had suspected something was wrong when she kept finding mutilated animals in the backyard, but never heard or saw coyotes or anything around. The neighbors smaller pets started disappearing. The boy had an obsession with knives, hiding them around the house. Denying anything when the mom confronted him. Then when the two started getting into arguments, he would get really violent and hit her, push her down and kick her, threaten to kill her. On multiple occasions she woke up in the middle of the night with him standing beside her bed, staring her in the face. She put extra locks on her bedroom door to feel safe while she slept. The last straw was when she lifted up his mattress and found 50+ knives of all shapes and sizes under there. So she brought him to us.

I remember talking to him, treating him like he was just any other kid that came through. He seemed remarkably normal, until you spoke directly to him. He had this way of looking right through you, or maybe like he didn’t see you at all while you were speaking.

He would respond like a robot, like he was just saying words because that’s what we wanted to hear. And he would always put on this creepy, dead-looking smile. Like all mouth and no eye involvement in the smile. Especially when he would get away with something, like taking another kid’s markers and they couldn’t figure it out. Still gives me chills laying here thinking about him.

I believe I met a 7-year-old psychopath.

12. The New Mom

I was a pharmacy technician at a hospital with a psych ward for some time. We would have to go around with a cart and dispense the patients’ medications, and being a 5’2″ girl, a security guard or male nurse would accompany me, just as a precaution. I never had any real issues other than the occasional death grip onto my arm or manic outbursts, but there was one boy who was entirely different.

His chart said he was nine and he had pale skin, dark hair, and huge bright, green eyes. He always greeted me in the most polite way, asked how I was doing, and always found something different to compliment me on every time. He was extremely well-spoken and mature for his age, so I began looking forward to seeing him, as normal small talk is definitely cherished in that setting. If he saw me outside of his room in the halls, he made sure to say hello and always called me “Miss Jones” or “ma’am.”

One day, a couple of our female nurses saw me pause to chat with him in the hallway, and waved me over to ask if I was out of my mind. Apparently, when he was in kindergarten, he grew an intense attachment to his young female teacher.

This escalated to the point of him calling her “Mom” and leaving notes for her about how he wished he were her son. He had a normal home-life with both parents, and the teacher tried to explain to him that she couldn’t be his mom because that would hurt his real mother’s feelings, and that she already had that job covered.

So, he went home and, killed his own mother in her sleep by cutting her throat, so his teacher could be his mom. The female staff had a general rule of not interacting with him excessively to prevent any kind of attachment from forming.

13. Bugs

Nothing I can say can possibly describe the year I worked in Psychiatric Intensive Care. Creepy isn’t the thing that comes to mind when I think back on it…more heartbreaking and horrifying. But creepiness was a part of it. Especially evening and night shifts, naturally.

There is always something disturbing about watching someone while they hallucinate. You can tell it is 100% real to them, and something about that makes you believe it, on some level. A lot of stories end with, “and of course, I had to look over my shoulder to make sure”. You see the emotions it brings out.

There was a woman that came in and sat down across the table from me for her admission interview. She had bandages all over her arms and scotch tape over her mouth and ears. She looked very uncomfortable and wouldn’t really sit still. When the nurse would ask her a question, she would peel the corner of the tape back and answer, then stick the tape back on really fast.

We eventually found out that she saw and felt bugs crawling all over her, and they were trying to get inside her body. The tape was to keep the bugs out. The bandages were because some bugs got in and she had to dig them out. She couldn’t sit still because she felt the bugs all over her even while we sat and talked. The worst part was, she had some idea that it was her mind playing tricks on her. Can you imagine going through your life, feeling like someone is continuously dumping buckets of cockroaches on your head, feeling like they’re all over you and getting inside of you to the point that you’re digging chunks out of your flesh in a panic, all while knowing intellectually that none of it is real?

#13 True Horror Stories from the Psychiatric Ward that Will Give You the Creeps #shared stories #paranormal #ghost and spirits #ghost and hauntings #haunted salem #myhauntedsalem

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atalho-s · 3 years

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Sweet Sugar

4 | Crosses

pairing: tom holland x reader

warnings: swear words, underage drinking (not much tho, nothing descritive and nothing like “Skins” lmao), suggestive scenes in some chapters, not smut!! but minors be aware. Fluff/angst/drama/ Y/n and Tom being stupid teenagers with feelings.

words: 2.5 k

a/n: english it’s not my first language, Sorry for any mistakes! If you want to be tag on the next chapters, please let me know

Summary: Y/n, Harrison and Tom has always been best friends. Since childhood they’ve always been close, but what happens if after a break up with her first boyfriend, she starts to feel something more about Tom

PART 4! If you want to read the other parts click here

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I woke up the other day feeling a little better, which was good. I washed my face thoroughly, put on a pair of jeans, a Beatles T-shirt along with a jacket and left my room, ready for another week of torture.

- Good morning mom... - I was saying going down the stairs, but I remembered that she had already left for work. Which was good, because that way I didn't have to talk about the party.

I had my coffee, in the silenc and soon after opened my phone, until I got on Instagram and saw that Tom had posted pictures of the party. The caption said: Thank you all! you guys are awesome! The photos from the party were great 😂

I was scrolling the photos, the first ones were all of us at the table, some were blurry of the people dancing... until I saw one of him with other people from school: Meghan was hugged him from the side making the peace sign with her fingers and he was kissing the top of her head. I sighed feeling my eyes fill with tears again. Okay, maybe I wasn't as ok as I thought.

I blocked my phone and put it in my pocket, taking my backpack and leaving the house, otherwise I would going to be late. I had to focus on school, not crying for silly things, I had to pay attention in my tests, that was more important than anything.

I went down the street and found Haz already waiting for me in the same place, I approached him and when he looked at my face, he made a pitying one.

- You saw the photos didn't you? - he asked and I nodded as he hugged me.

- It's alright Haz, I'll be fine- I said releasing him after a few seconds and he looked at me raising an eyebrow doubtingly - It's no big deal! By the way, I won't talk about it anymore, if we don't go now, we'll be late for school. - I said pulling him and we started walking.

- Okay... But just to close this subject, Tom sent me a message yesterday asking if you were okay and if there was anything wrong because you left early without saying goodbye.

- Hmm, and you didn't say anything right?

- Of course not! I just said that you weren't very used to drinking and that was all, and he believed... - Haz said and I breathed a sigh of relief.

- Good... He also texted me yesterday, he even wanted me to go to his house to tell me about Meghan.

- Well, whether way, he still thinks he's your best friend, nothing more than that...- Haz said, and I hated that he was right.

- It's true, and he's just my best friend, nothing more... - I emphasized the JUST- Did he tell you anything else about Meghan? - I asked and when Haz was going to answer I cut him - Never mind, It’s better if i don’t know. - I said waving my hand in the air.

- If you want it that way... - he replied. - Oh god you two have the same class today right? - he asked and I put my hand in my forehead. I had forgotten that I had English today for the first two classes and Tom would be sitting right next to me.

- I had even forgotten about that. But you know what? I'm going to stay there like a champ and ignore everything. - I said determined and Haz laughed feeling a little sad for me.

- Okay, I support that, but...- he was talking and I cut him again saying: shhh.

- No buts, and now enough of this subject, because we're already arriving. - I said and he rolled his eyes in agreement.

We arrived at the corner and Tom was already waiting for us as usual. He wore a blue sweatshirt and a backwards cap, black jeans and white sneakers. Obviously he was gorgeous as usual, which was ridiculous, but no sign of Meghan, which was good for now...

I tightened my grip on Haz's arm that I was hooked on and he smiled encouragingly. We got closer and Tom looked up from his phone, hanging up and putting it in his pocket.

- Hey strangers! - He said putting the backpack on his back, shaking hands with Haz and me with the usual kiss on the forehead. I lowered my eyes, smelling his scent and smirked. - You better y/n?

- I am, staying in bed all day yesterday did me good. - I said as we headed towards the stairs.

- That's good! And even better that now you have two classes with me- he said winking and Haz looked at me apprehensively.

- HA-HA, very funny. Too bad I'll have to pay attention in class and I won't be able to talk to you. - I said shrugging and Tom looked at me with an ironic face.

- Wow shortie, I felt rejected now. - He said pouting and I rolled my eyes. Of rejection I knew well.

- Well, I have to go because I have a presentation about geography, so, see you guys later? - Haz said when we arrived in the hallway, waving and looking at me discreetly as if he was saying: good luck.

- Let's go, grumpy face? - Tom said pointed for me to go ahead. I rolled my eyes looking at him, which he laughed and we went to the class.

I sat a little further back in my usual seat and Tom sat behind me. I was feeling claustrophobic, but it was only two classes, I could survive this. But when Mr. Ribbs came into the room and started talking, I lost all courage i had.

- Good morning students! Today the two classes will be more dynamic. As I know you had a difficult week, with so many papers and tests, I decided to leave these classes for you to go to the library and pick up any book to read and then give me a summary about it. - he was talking and I was excited, because I loved reading and I could still get my book and be quiet without having to talk to Tom, right? - But... I want you to do this in pairs. - wrong - Happy reading! - He said and everyone stood up forming their pairs and leaving the room one by one.

I felt someone nudge my shoulder and tooking a deep breath I turned around, seeing a smiling Tom.

- Good, reading... At least you like to read, because I with my dyslexia... - he laughed.

- Yeah good... it fit like a glove... Shall we go? - I said and we got up going towards the library. If Tom thought my way of talking was a little dry, he didn't react, which was good.

We arrived at the library and I was looking among the shelves for something easy and good for us to read.

- Y/n, darling... I have to tell you about yesterday - Tom started talking excitedly as he followed me through the halls. - After you and Haz left, a lot things happened...

- Hmm, I'm glad you had fun Tom. - I said a little disinterested picking up some books and looking at the synopsis.

- Yea! I had a lot of fun, but what happened was...

- Hey, how about we read Pride and Prejudice? It's one of my favorites, I think it's a good one, because we just need to read the main parts to refresh our memory. - I said, interrupting him.

-Yeah... Sure, I think it's a good one. - he said as I grabbed Jane Austen's book off the shelf and headed toward one of the tables.

- Shortie, how about if we read this outside? I think it's better than staying here, besides, we can talk better. - Tom said and I stopped turning around. Damn it, I was counting on staying there in the library anyway, so he wouldn't be able to say anything about the night before, because they were going to tell him to be quiet.

- Okay, good idea... - I said, giving up on to try to inventing another excuse.

We left the library and headed towards some tables outside. They were empty, except for a couple of couples scattered around the yard who had the same idea. I sat down and Tom sat next to me putting the book on the table and pulling out his notebook so we could write something down.

- So, as I was saying... We were on the dance floor, right, and Meghan and I were talking about the theater and other things, until... Guess what? - He started talking and I raised my eyebrow, while trying to distract myself with the book. - She said she thought I was cute and that I had a cute, sexy look. - He continued and I laughed ironically.

- So far so good, right... Until she just kissed me in the middle of the dance floor! - He said as if it were the most extraordinary thing in the world. Yeah, I thought with myself, I was there and saw everything, that's why I'm feeling bad and I can't even look at your face right now... I wanted to say it, but I just looked at him pretending to be interested.

- And mate, it was the best kiss of my life! We stayed together practically all night... Damn, I've dreamed about this so much since childhood...

- Good Tom, it must have been a really good birthday gift, right? - I said, looking at the book again.

- Yea! It was perfect...- he said and I could feel him staring at me. - Hey, you don't seem very excited about my little conquest... - he nudged me pouting and I looked at him.

- Nah, it's just that you guys are always hooking up lately, so I'm just not surprised...- I replied shrugging.

- Y/n Meghan is not just a hook up, she is an old passion, she is special - he said and I felt my heart ache a little while looking away. - You dont like her?

- It's not that I don't like her... I don't even know her, I just... I think she did it after you started getting more popular with the theater, because before that she didn't even look at you...

- That's not true, besides, people can change right? Maybe she realized that I'm not as bad as she thought before... I don't know... But as you said, you don't even know her, so I didn't understand you being mad like that. -he said scribbling in his notebook.

- It's not that I'm mad, I just... I didn't wake up very well today, that's all...

- Yeah... But you don't need to project that to others around you, I thought you'd be happy for me.- Tom said and I looked at him ironically.

- Yeah, but there are days when we're not okay Thomas and not in the mood to be throwing confetti at every girl your friend kiss at some party. - I said and regretted it right away, it wasn't fair to him.

Tom looked at me in surprise, as I had never talk with him like that. Even as kids we didn't fight, why was I being such a bitch now? He took his things in silence and walked away leaving me with tears in my eyes.

I shook my head trying to get rid of what had just happened. I picked up the book and tried to read it, but I couldn't even get past the first line. Damn, why did I have to have those feelings? It wasn't fair.

I thought about going after Tom and apologizing, but I don't think he wanted to see me right now. A few minutes passed and the class was almost finishing when I felt someone nudge my shoulder. I turned in hopes of seeing Tom, but was surprised to see Steven standing up in front of me.

- Are you okay? I heard you fighting with Tom earlier, I never saw you guys fight like that, so I was worried. - he asked.

- I'm fine Stev, it was just a silly disagreement, nothing to worry about. Are you okay? - I asked trying to change the subject.

- Yeah, just studying a lot, you know, I have to go to business school. - he said and I agreed. Steven always wanted to work at his father's company, but for that he had to go to business school in Japan, because there was one of the company's units there and that's where his father wanted him to live. A lot of his family was Japanese, so he had an advantage with the language and culture. But that was one of the reasons we broke up, after fighting a lot about who was going to live where. - And you still focused on journalism?

- Of course, forever and always. - I said and we laughed, hearing the bell saying the class are over.

- Well, I have to go, I have to meet Elle, good luck with your essay. - He said pointing to the book.

- For you too. - I said smiling and he left towards the building.

I got up to get my things, scanning the yard with my eyes, but there was no sign of Tom. I sighed and put my headphones on, heading towards our tree. As I was already out there I ended up arriving first, so I sat down and played the song Crosses by José González.

I waited a few minutes and saw Haz approaching and I took off my headphones as I watched him sit beside me.

- So..How everything went? Where is Tom?- he asked looking around.

- A disaster... - I said, rubbing my hands over my face. - We ended up arguing, I said some things without thinking and he left without saying anything.

- Oh y/n... I don't even know what to say, but did you confess something to him? he asked and I widened my eyes.

- No! Are you crazy? I told him I didn't trust Meghan, but in a rude way... - I said and Haz took a deep breath hugging me sideways.

- Well, you can't control your feelings...

- But I can control my tongue. - I said and we laughed a little. - How was it with Gracie? Did you guys talked today? - I said changing the subject.

- I talked to her a lot by text during class, I even asked her if she wanted to spend some time with us now, but she said she had to hang with her friends...

- Hmm. - I said putting my hand on my chin losing myself in thoughts as I watched the patio to see if I could see Tom. And after a lot of looking I found him. And there he was sitting on one of the benches near the building with Meghan hugging him, she with his cap on her head and the two of them were laughing and talking excitedly to each other. Until he gave her a kiss and she reciprocated.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland friends to lovers #tom holland series

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iamthenightcolormeblack · 3 years

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My Thoughts on Pride and Prejudice 1980: The Ladies Take Center Stage

It's easy to forget that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of other Pride and Prejudice adaptations because the discussion is generally limited to "1995 versus 2005." The subject of this review is the 1980 BBC miniseries adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, which stars Elizabeth Garvie as Elizabeth Bennet and David Rintoul as Mr. Darcy and consists of five 1 hour long episodes. Some Pride and Prejudice fans consider this show as the definitive version of the book, since it was one of the first adaptations that attempted to be faithful to the story by incorporating much more of Austen's dialogue compared to previous adaptations.

1. THE PRODUCTION

The video quality is blurry (typical with 1970s/1980s BBC TV shows), so this adaptation is hard to watch compared with the 1995 and 2005 adaptations. While I like the historic houses used in the miniseries, boring, stuffy studio interiors are used for the interior scenes (except for Pemberley). I would only recommend this adaptation for extreme Pride and Prejudice fans/completionists.

Each episode's opening credits are accompanied by illustrations of what happens in the episodes, reminding the viewer that they are watching a filmed version of the book. The caricatured figures are not appealing to the eye and look dated. It doesn't help that they all are accompanied by "ye olde timey" music.

The costumes are for the most part very historically accurate for the early 19th century Regency Era, possibly even more so than the 1995 version with open chests, since the women's day dresses cover their necks as well. The costume designer mastered the famous Regency era white dress; I liked Elizabeth's white day dress and Jane's white evening gown. However, not all the costumes are flattering; some of the ugly floral patterns and garishly bright colors come straight from the 1970s, while a lot of decent evening dresses are ruined by fake lace or clunky 1970s bibs.

The hair is mostly accurate, with the exception of Mary's straight bangs and pixie cut. Unfortunately, the makeup is of the 1970s, especially with the penciled eyeliner/eyebrows on Jane and Caroline Bingley. Poor Mr. Bingley meanwhile has the most unflattering 1970s "helmet bowl" hairstyle.

2. PLOT AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

The adaptation focuses heavily on the female relationships within the book, much more so than other adaptations. Throughout the episodes, there are many slice-of-life scenes in which the Bennet sisters are gathered together in conversation while occupying themselves with typical activities for women of the Regency era (sewing, flower arranging, trying on clothing).

Charlotte Lucas has a larger role here than in the book. In this adaptation, she frequently visits the Bennet sisters at Longbourn, and the screenwriter uses her dialogue as a representation of the Regency perception of marriage as an economic proposition.

Mary Bennet also receives more screen time, and like Charlotte, she voices Regency attitudes towards women in general through her didactic remonstrances.

The many scenes in Elizabeth and Jane's bedroom are a means for Elizabeth to express the feelings and attitudes that she keeps hidden from society.

Elizabeth's favoring of Mr. Wickham is more obvious; she even pronounces him to be "above everyone, in person, countenance, [and] air" and is delighted that Wickham's trash-talking of Darcy confirms her hatred of him.

Inner monologues highlight Elizabeth's mental transformation as she grapples with the consequences of her prejudice against Mr. Darcy and considers the consequences of her family's social gaffes.

I dislike that the show chose to end with Mrs. Bennet's joy over the advantageous marriages of her elder daughters. It reinforces the perception that these marriages are ultimately for money rather than love.

The cast consists of largely unknown (to a mainstream audience) British actors whose portrayals of the characters are solid and replicate the book exactly. The rest of the supporting cast portray the characters just as they are in the book, but do not otherwise stand out. Here are my comments on the lead actors and other supporting cast:

Elizabeth Garvie: Garvie effectively portrays Elizabeth's wit, intelligence, and poise. She also looks right for the part, as she is believably youthful and has captivating eyes. Her pride is not so obvious because Garvie acts like a proper Regency girl, but it is brought out by the way Elizabeth looks people straight in the eye and addresses them directly while confidently stating her opinions, however flawed. My only minor nitpick is that Elizabeth is less vulnerable here; most of the time she is confidently in control of every situation she faces and has a smile for everyone.

David Rintoul: Rintoul looks the part, as he is tall, handsome, proud, and carries himself gracefully. However, he is too stiff and boring like a robot. In many scenes, even private ones with his close friends, he is always standing at attention like a soldier. With the exception of the Pemberley visit and the second proposal, he never smiles, and his voice is very monotone, even in the key romantic scenes where he is supposed to lose himself to his great passion for Elizabeth. Though he tries to appear amused at times, and shows some intelligence, his stiff body language never changes, undercutting the meaning behind his words.

While fans of this show have praised Rintoul for being stiff, like book Darcy, this stiff portrayal hinders Darcy's character development, since he must change his cold manners in order to be worthy of Elizabeth's love. There are MANY instances in the book where Darcy shows some emotion; he smiles as he teases Elizabeth at Rosings, becomes angry when Elizabeth rejects his first proposal, and blushes when he sees Elizabeth at Pemberley. This Mr. Darcy is "all politeness" and we don't get to see Elizabeth peeling back his cold exterior to reveal the good man underneath, unlike in the book.

Malcolm Rennie as Mr. Collins: His portrayal of Mr. Collins is very similar to 1995's Mr. Collins, as both are fat and simpering (maybe 1995's portrayal of Mr. Collins is a copy of this one, except even grosser). I also like how he is super moralizing and preachy in this version. He even walks like a penguin too!

Casting I disliked:

Moray Watson as Mr. Bennet: His Mr. Bennet is thoroughly unsympathetic; he does nothing but scold the family, slam doors, and drink tea. While Mr. Bennet is a neglectful parent, he expresses his dislike of the family in far more subtle ways and does not get into fits of anger easily.

Judy Parfitt as Lady Catherine de Bourgh: While the adaptation makes clear that Lady Catherine likes getting her way, this Lady Catherine isn’t intimidating enough to frighten anyone into submission. What doesn't help is that the scene where she interrogates Elizabeth about her family situation is cut; this scene is important in establishing Lady Catherine's tyrannical personality.

The actresses hired to play Kitty and Lydia Bennet are far too old for the parts; they do not look like teenagers!

Scenes I liked:

The opening scene -- the adaptation gives Charlotte a larger role, as she visits Elizabeth at Longbourn right after the news of Bingley's arrival. She also reveals her practical view on marriage as a necessity for securing comfort, which is at odds with Elizabeth's view of marriage as an equal partnership between people who love each other.

"First Impressions" -- Elizabeth shares her bad opinion of Darcy with Jane and reveals that the Bingleys earned their wealth in trade, making them "new money" as opposed to the Darcy family, which has many generations of nobility. This detail about the origins of Bingley's wealth could explain Caroline's extreme arrogance and make Jane's separation from Bingley on the basis of her poor connections more cruel.

Elizabeth at Mr. Lucas' party: This adaptation includes a scene from the book which isn't in many other adaptations, not even the 1995 miniseries. Elizabeth, acting impertinently to catch the attention of Darcy's "very satirical eye," addresses him sarcastically. Charlotte then gets Elizabeth to play the piano and she takes another opportunity to show off her wit:

"There is a fine old saying, which every body here is of course familiar with - 'Keep your breath to cool your porridge', and I shall keep mine to swell my song."

Jane and Elizabeth at Netherfield. In a series of scenes, Elizabeth confides in Jane her true thoughts and feelings about Darcy, the Bingleys, and the Hursts. For instance, she theorizes about why Darcy stares at her and rants about how disagreeable and annoying the Netherfield party are. It's really entertaining to see Elizabeth driven to frustration by the arrogant rich people.

Any scene with Mr. Collins in it, but here are the funniest ones:

Mr. Collins eating with the Bennet family: I laughed at how he examines the food with a critical eye before shoving it in his mouth quickly. It perfectly captures Mr. Collins' arrogance combined with bad manners.

Mr. Collins at the Netherfield Ball: he cannot dance and embarrasses Elizabeth (definitely a parallel with the 1995 version, where he bumps into the other dancers and apologizes profusely).

Mr. Collins' first proposal to Elizabeth: I laughed at the added flourish (not in the novel), where he bends down on one knee, but instead of professing love for the intended, states proudly to Elizabeth that the main benefit of the marriage is the patronage of Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Collins' proposal to Charlotte Lucas: this is not in the original book, as it is (mostly) limited to Elizabeth's point of view, where she only finds out about the proposal after it happens. This comical scene begins with pleasant music and blooming flowers to establish romantic connotations, before it cuts to an awkward Mr. Collins following Charlotte Lucas. When Charlotte accepts Mr. Collins, they are sitting together by a rosebush, and his pure joy at the unromantic, arranged marriage, combined with the floral imagery from earlier, elevate the situational irony and make for a good laugh. The flower imagery also ties into Charlotte's earlier comparison of marriage to growing a plant; Elizabeth challenges Charlotte's assertion by asking her what would happen if the soil was poor (metaphor for the respect Elizabeth feels is a foundation for a loving relationship).

Aunt Gardiner's advice to Elizabeth: This scene isn't included in other adaptations, not even the 1995 miniseries. Here Aunt Gardiner warns Elizabeth against falling in love with Wickham, telling her that she needs to keep her common sense intact; Elizabeth dismisses this, fully confident in her powers of judgment. It's great that this exchange is included because it foreshadows the discovery of Wickham's true character, and hints that Elizabeth's perceptions of others may be wrong.

Scenes I disliked:

The romantic scenes. This adaptation unfortunately fails in the romance department; there is zero chemistry between the actors; even the otherwise wonderful Elizabeth Garvie is not exempt. (more about this later).

The first country ball. The interior is dark, small, cramped and stagey. Also, the dancing and overall manner of the guests is very sedate and orderly; it’s so quiet you can hear the dancers feet scrape the floor in spite of the music. This isn't very realistic compared with the other adaptations, where we are presented with much more boisterous country dances.

The activation of Stalker Darcy: While Elizabeth plays the pianoforte, Darcy, while shrouded in darkness, moves like a ghost among the crowd until he all of a sudden appears very close to the pianoforte and golf-clapping. perhaps Darcy is a blood sucking vampire? Though this scene is entertaining for all the wrong reasons, it doesn't make sense that Darcy's love for Elizabeth makes him even more robotic and creepy.

Lady Catherine confronting Elizabeth: While the dialogue for this scene is lifted straight from the book, there isn't quite enough fury and anger on the part of either person.

3. THE SCRIPT

What makes this adaptation stand out is the script by Fay Weldon. While the majority of the script is taken directly from the book, many have commented that her interpretation of Pride and Prejudice is much more feminist because of the greater emphasis on Elizabeth's point of view, as well as her relationships with other women. Many of the creative changes made emphasize the ridiculousness of the patriarchy and Elizabeth's outspokenness. In addition, Austen's narration slips into the dialogue of the female characters; for instance, Mary proclaims the village's judgment of Darcy as "the proudest most disagreeable man in the world."

Creative Changes/Great Quotes from the Script:

Darcy adding further insult to injury: after proclaiming Elizabeth to be unattractive to him, he adds: "She has too many sisters."

Mrs. Bennet criticizing poor Mary: “You read too much! No wonder you’re shortsighted.”

Elizabeth has had enough with Darcy, the Hursts, and the Bingleys: “Jane, they are monsters! They like nothing and dislike everything!"

Elizabeth has no patience: "This is unendurable! Mr. Darcy has scarcely spoken more than 10 words to me during the whole of today!"

Mary Bennet praises Mr. Collins' writing skills: "But he is intelligent. In point of composition the letter he wrote Father was not deficient and it was very long."

Mr. Collins scrutinizes Longbourn (his future inheritance) Part 1: "The hall. The hall should be imposing. This one is spacious enough but a little dark..."

Mr. Collins scrutinizes Longbourn Part 2: "Truly a gracious dining room. Lady Catherine de Bourgh would not be ashamed to dine here...The table, though a trifle rustic, is solid and a good match."

Mr. Collins provides much needed moral lessons to Kitty and Lydia: "I have often observed how many young ladies are very little interested in books of a serious stamp, though written solely for their benefit. Certainly there can be nothing so advantageous to them as instruction."

Mr. Collins on Anne de Bourgh: "She is agreeably fragile, and she is to marry Mr. Darcy."

Lady Catherine de Bourgh supporting the patriarchy: "If I were to have more children, they should all be sons."

Mr. Collins' Aquatic Hat: In one of many examples where Lady Catherine micromanages everyone's life, she orders Mr. Collins to plant bulrushes by the lake and per her instructions he orders an ugly top hat with a shower cap inside it to prevent himself from drowning. Charlotte and Elizabeth laugh about it when Mr. Collins isn't looking.

Darcy is a dog person, how sweet! Before the first proposal and before he meets Elizabeth again at Pemberley, Darcy is accompanied by a dog. Perhaps if he brought his dog to the first proposal it would have succeeded?

Elizabeth's internal monologue after she reads the letter: I normally dislike internal monologues because they detract from the action or become redundant, but I like how this adaptation utilizes the internal monologue to show Elizabeth actively confronting her prejudice against Mr. Darcy and acknowledging that she has acted wrongly in judging him harshly. Some adaptations reduce or even leave out this fundamental part of Elizabeth's personal growth. My only quibble with this scene is that Elizabeth lets go of her prejudice too soon and in too calm a manner. In the book, she is initially angry at Darcy and needs to reread the letter multiple times before she starts to form a grudging respect for Mr. Darcy. For Elizabeth, letting go of her prejudice is a slow, exhausting, and emotionally taxing process, unlike in this adaptation, where her logical reasoning allows her to quickly overcome her unreasonable hatred of Darcy.

4. THE ROMANCE (or, to be more accurate, lack of)

Many of the key romantic scenes between Elizabeth and Darcy are shortened, which surprised me because the length of a miniseries in general allows for more character development. I was hoping to see a fuller picture of Darcy and Elizabeth's relationship than could be provided in a movie.

While the female characters of the adaptation are fully rounded and have many opportunities to express their perspectives, the male characters remain one-dimensional and do not get the same treatment as the women. In other words, the male characters are reduced to mere objects of affection.

Some critics have argued that Darcy is irresistible to women in part because he is mysterious. Even his appearance is left to the reader's imagination, as Austen only notes that Darcy has a "fine, tall person, handsome features, noble mien...[and] ten thousand a year." Thus, the reader gets to craft their ideal version of Mr. Darcy; he could look like any handsome man. When the "historically accurate Mr. Darcy" image was released several years ago (where he looks like George Washington); many, including me, were disappointed because we all have different images of Mr. Darcy in our heads (or more likely, we pick between Colin Firth and Matthew Macfadyen). This adaptation capitalizes into the mystique of the character by leaving the viewers to guess Darcy's intentions. Since we do not have access to his internal thoughts or motivations, we are limited to what we see before our eyes, much like the Meryton villagers. We do not get to see how Darcy develops feelings for Elizabeth; nor do we see how he is like in private occasions (even when alone with his friends, he says little and reveals little).

Other critics/Austen scholars/fans have argued that the one-dimensional treatment of male characters is in keeping with the unique writing style of Pride and Prejudice. Typically, female characters were the ones reduced to objects of affection for the male characters. Austen reverses this norm by focusing more on Elizabeth's viewpoint while Darcy remains mysterious.

Though a more reserved Darcy may work in the book, it does not serve the development of the romance well. Darcy's falling in love with Elizabeth is characterized by a gradual loss of control over himself; in his words he was "in the middle before I knew that I had begun [falling in love]." After all, he cannot stop staring at Elizabeth and frequently tries to keep talking to her at Netherfield before he begins to feel "the danger of paying Elizabeth too much attention." During his first proposal, he is agitated, and when Elizabeth rejects him, becomes angry. It is obvious, in the book and in the 1995 and 2005 adaptations as well, that the man is clearly an emotional train wreck.

The conflict between Darcy's outer shell and inner self is a key part of his falling in love with Elizabeth, and the adaptation misses out on this with a stiff, wooden Darcy who always carries himself properly and never smiles. In general, the most entertaining romances have this tension between self-control and passion, with lapses in manners usually the only sign of the passion beneath the surface; after all, in Elizabeth's words, “Is not general incivility the very essence of love?”

Back to the idea of the one-dimensional Darcy being an inversion of gender norms in writing: I have to disagree with this because (this is obvious I'm sure) Darcy is still a fully rounded character and does undergo his own journey, since he has to change his manners to earn Elizabeth's love. This quote shows what Darcy has learned about himself:

"I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was...given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son, (for many years an only child) I was spoilt by my parents [who] almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing, to care for none beyond my own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world, to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own."

Though some fans of this adaptation like how the other relationships are treated with equal importance as the well-known love story, the romance is important as a source of personal growth for Elizabeth as well as Darcy. After all, they do have to overcome the "pride and prejudice" that separates them.

The marriage of Darcy and Elizabeth is a feminist triumph for Elizabeth Bennet; in my review of the 2005 movie, I noted that Elizabeth Bennet is revolutionary because of her unwillingness to compromise on her belief that marriage should based on love and respect, contrary to the prevailing social view of marriage as an economic proposition. While it seems counter-intuitive for a repressive institution like marriage to be a feminist triumph, Austen's heroines use marriage as a means of gaining not just material comforts, but ultimately the self-respect they desire by uniting themselves with partners whom they are equals with. The marriages Austen's heroines make are testaments to their independence, as they are choices made by the women themselves. Even Charlotte Lucas' otherwise unhappy arranged marriage works for her, since she enjoys the freedom that running her own household gives her. Not focusing on the romance of Elizabeth and Darcy leaves out Austen's complex perspective on marriage as a social necessity but also an unlikely route to freedom.

Here's my breakdown of the Elizabeth and Darcy scenes in this adaptation and why the romance fails:

"She is tolerable:" Elizabeth reacts rather too sedately to the insult Darcy gives her (and he also makes an added comment about her having too many sisters); unlike in other versions where she attempts to suppress a laugh or even taunts Darcy outright. The adaptation diverges from the book by having Elizabeth tell her mother instead of her friends about Darcy's insult; it does not make sense why Elizabeth would confide this in her mother, given that she knows her mother is a fool.

Netherfield dance: Darcy attempts to flirt with Elizabeth during this dance (which only lasts one minute!), but doesn't succeed because of his poor social skills and her prejudice. It's also an amazing battle of wits, as Darcy counters Elizabeth's accusations while admonishing her not to trust Wickham.

Unfortunately, the adaptation cuts out essential dialogue revealing the extent of Elizabeth's prejudice and foreshadowing the discovery of Wickham's true character. For example, what isn't included is Elizabeth's accusations that Darcy is to blame for ruining Wickham's life, to which he replies that Wickham is capable of charming others but not necessarily of retaining good friends.

More significantly, the adaptation cuts Elizabeth's admission that she cannot figure Darcy out:

"'May I ask to what these questions tend?' 'Merely to the illustration of your character,' said she...

'And what is your success?' She shook her head. 'I do not get on at all. I her such different accounts of you as puzzle me exceedingly.'

'...I could wish, Miss Bennet, that you were not to sketch my character at the present moment, as there is reason to fear that the performance would reflect no credit on either.'"

The development of the romance is harmed due to the omission of the portrait metaphor. Here, Darcy shrewdly observes to Elizabeth that her judgment of character may be flawed and foreshadows the discovery of her prejudice against him. After his many observations of Elizabeth, Darcy knows her so well that he can read her like an open book (though he underestimates the extent of Elizabeth's prejudice against him). The metaphor of the picture as a representation of character also becomes literal through Darcy's portrait at Pemberley; Elizabeth only falls in love with Darcy after examining his character through the portrait.

Ultimately, the Netherfield Ball dance between Elizabeth and Darcy is essential in demonstrating the fallacy of first impressions, and reducing the dialogue only to the beginning part where Elizabeth teases Darcy on his inability to make small talk undermines the richness of the story.

Darcy's first proposal: This scene is definitely the worst one in this miniseries because it fails on so many levels. First, this Darcy remains stiff throughout the entire proposal, like he was at a public ball rather than declaring love. This is a total contrast to book Darcy; who, though formal, is "agitated" and "pale with anger" at times. Those famous opening lines ("In vain I have struggled...") are delivered so quickly and without any sort of overwhelming passion. What should be the climax of Darcy finally letting the volcano of his repressed emotions erupt (with bad consequences for him) instead becomes a cold recitation of the script. Elizabeth also becomes robotic as well, repeating her lines back with a detached tone of voice as if reading a teleprompter. I'm warning you: be prepared for the worst 5 minutes of your life.

Visiting Pemberley: The adaptation utilizes Elizabeth's inner monologue as she praises Pemberley; it's interesting to people who have read and re-read the book, but I don't think it's necessary to "copy and paste" large portions of the book and read them to the audience.

I do like that this adaptation clearly indicates that Elizabeth still stands by her decision to reject Darcy's first proposal, even though she really likes his great big house:

"'And of this place,' thought she, 'I might have been mistress! 'I might have rejoiced in [these rooms] as my own, and welcomed to them as visitors my uncle and aunt. - 'But no'... 'I should not have been allowed to invite them.'"

Most adaptations include the "Pemberley could have been mine" part, but don't include Elizabeth's realization that Darcy's class prejudice would have estranged her from the Gardiners (unfortunately that includes the 1995 miniseries). Including Elizabeth's thoughts about her aunt and uncle dispels the perception that she is a gold-digger who marries Darcy only after realizing how rich he is.

The portrait: why, why, why does Darcy not smile in his portrait?! The book LITERALLY EMPHASIZES that DARCY SMILES in his portrait, revealing a more sensitive side to him than his cold and formal appearance would otherwise suggest. Big mistake.

Lydia's elopement: the adaptation messes up this scene so badly, which is unfortunate because the scene is important in showing how much Elizabeth trusts Darcy and how much he still loves her, as shown through his concern for her. First, it diverges from the book by having Elizabeth run several miles to Pemberley (while fully outfitted in a spencer, bonnet, and long dress) and somehow she doesn't sweat or faint from the exertion. Running to Darcy to tell him the news doesn't make any sense, since the book makes clear that she did not want anyone outside her family to know about Lydia's elopement, or else her marriage prospects would certainly be ruined; the news devastated her because she feared losing Darcy's respect due to his social prejudice. Darcy learning of the news was purely a coincidence because he happened to be waiting for her at the inn where she was staying (aw how romantic!). As for Darcy, he remains cold and doesn't seem concerned enough for Elizabeth, in contrast with the book, where he immediately springs into action. The adaptation also omits Darcy's kindness by cutting out the part of the scene where he consoles Elizabeth, gets her to sit down, and brings her some wine.

Second proposal: Darcy breaks the rules of social etiquette by going out alone with Elizabeth before proposing to her, unlike in the book where they are with Jane and Bingley, but this scene is still thoroughly unromantic because the two actors have zero chemistry.

5. CONCLUSION

Although this adaptation has some good moments, the dated production design, underdeveloped romance, and wooden acting means that I will only recommend this version to Pride and Prejudice nerds/extreme book purists. The adaptation is boring to watch unless you know the book by heart.

This script highlights Austen's wit and sarcasm, but the performances don’t always do it justice. The feminist approach to the novel makes the adaptation stand out, but comes at the cost of Darcy's character development and the central love story.

Purists and casual book fans are better served by the 1995 BBC miniseries, which has the right balance of entertainment, historical accuracy, and faithfulness to the novel.

Thanks to JASNA (Jane Austen Society of North America) for all the wonderful online articles that I pull many of my ideas from. I spent many hours entertaining myself by reading their scholarly analyses of Jane's other works as well as those related to Pride and Prejudice, and they have really helped me as I write these reviews.

@princesssarisa @austengivesmeserotonin @dahlia-coccinea @obscurelittlebird @appleinducedsleep @colonelfitzwilliams

#book adaptation #pride and predjudice #pride and prejudice #elizabeth bennet #mr darcy #mr bingley #long post #tv show review

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brawltogethernow · 3 years

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a while back you said that you don’t think mj is cis, and that you have specific scenes informing that idea abt her.... do u mind if I ask what are the scenes? and what’s the gender diagnosis? 👀

I don’t have a concrete conclusion, just a vague impression and a habit of getting out my phone at five a.m. and texting my brother stuff like, “I feel like MJ would try out the label he/him lesbian but like, primarily on a personal Twitter account profile.” But yeah, she has two recurring traits that inform the bulk of this for me.

The first is her habit of inserting herself into traditionally masculine roles. I figure the writers were probably gunning for an exaggerated/comedic level of feminism. (It didn’t all age perfectly, but the other women of the cast were already written as feminist.) If you think speaking up for equal rights is cool, wait until you see...MJ try to singlehandedly destroy the gender binary? In practice you get this theme where MJ observes dubious male-coded behavior and then instead of going, “Stop doing that,” goes, “I am also going to do that.”

We see her take the reins of a date more than once on panel to literally go, “Wait, let’s do some very traditionally gendered date shit. And I am going to be the man.”

Physically taking Peter’s key to open his own door for him in ASM 136.

Playing out the ancient ritual of carrying his books for him in ASM 141. Both times she lampshades this as chauvinism and dramatizes the problematic subtext of how these are supposed to go down. In 1974 when these were published I’m pretty sure book carrying as a courting ritual was already considered a dated, cheesy trope living on only through media.

I wish guys pathologically trying to get the door had gone the same way, buuuut. Sigh. But personally, when dudes slow down our travel progress by stopping me and then making a big production of opening a door for me, I follow their lead by slowing us down even further and refusing to go through the door until after they’ve gone through, and when I’m with dudes who are not trying to do a gender at me I full stop don’t think about these behavioral habits unless a recent encounter has left me twitchy. But I don’t get a hit of gender euphoria from doing man shit, and MJ...might?

What other interpretation of this is there, really? Preemptively punishing Peter to get in ahead of it just in case he comes over weird and traditional on her, three in-universe years into their friendship? Nah, she’s literally just having fun with genderplay.

Also... Peter going along with it but very visibly not Getting it with a single bone in his body... RIP. Or not, because this read intensifies the ways MJ acts as a foil for Peter and Gwen by contrasting their traits.

Gwen’s way of addressing gender stereotypes, to have a point of contrast, were more along the lines of calling Peter a chauvinist when he tried to make decisions for her, and jabbingly cheerful reminders that she was a cute blonde girl and a science major.

The second trait is weaker evidence but still, like...noticeable? And less dismissable as a kink thing. That being MJ’s recurring tendency to parse emotionally complex situations happening to other people by zooming in on one of them and going, That one is the me of this situation and analyzing through that lens. Her pick is always a dude. If there are four women and one man, she’ll pick the man.

^literally recollecting her own sister’s divorce by her deadbeat husband, who if anything she should be comparing to their deadbeat father

SSM 96, ASM 259, ASM: Parallel Lives

This could just be the writers themselves overempathizing with men and discounting women! It’s definitely not deliberate. But also, there are lots of other women in this franchise, who don’t do this as far as I can think of. There are lots of women in these parts of MJ’s story who she is deliberately compared against, like, the Bechdel test is being passed.

And yet, most times I can recall where MJ compares herself to women are explicitly aversive, like how she’s terrified of ending up living a life like her mother’s.

Parallel Lives, incidentally, is wild, because it is simultaneously going “here’s how a man and woman met and got married👫” and dishing a condensed Mary Jane backstory that has every single “the one queer relative” marker. Young Mary Jane, inexplicably different from her family members in an ostracizing but decidedly stylish way, finds her mother and sister’s insistence she follow a normal path through life re: romance and relationships “suffocating” and generally existentially abhorrent. The only one willing to humor MJ is her unmarried aunt, though Anna's support is in the form of optimism about MJ’s potential within the expected romantic paradigm. Simultaneously MJ’s sister, whose trauma as a child of a bad marriage is identical to MJ’s, does hit all the life path checkmarks people expect to see from MJ. Okay. MJ’s main emotional conflict is literally: “A man: Is that my father, or is that me? (These are the only choices.)” ...Okay.

Bonus points granted for self-identifying by the gender-neutral nickname “MJ” over other nickname options that were available if she just wanted to ditch her uncool two-part first name. (Dubious for obvious reasons but we know her father calls her “Janey”, for example.)

Off in some other area of the great gender blob, MJ performs femininity with deliberate, studied exaggeration, and has clearly sampled what she likes from the chocolate box of womanhood and thrown out the rest. Citations: Literally every scene she is in from her introduction up until at least the 90′s Clone Saga.

What does any of this mean!? I dunno. Smells genderqueer tho.

#mary jane watson #spiderman #spiderman meta #spidey #marvel #someone finally gave me an excuse to compile this #anonymous #asks answered #essays

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dreamer213 · 3 years

Text

Broken Machines: Lights The Dark

Chapter 5: Lesson Plan: Orientation

Penny sat nervously on the train car as it began to move upwards towards the city. She’s looking down at her feet and legs, now dressed in a pair of black stockings and a pair of brown Mary Janes, her rocket boots was now sat at her side in shape of a handbag. She had gotten up early that morning to make sure she got ready on time and looked nice. She even double checked after her morning patrol but she was still absolutely terrified! But what girl wouldn’t be if the cute boy she met at an evening party, who’s life you saved, and shared an amount magical evening with agreed to be your etiquette teacher.

Penny: Is like a something out a romance novel. The perfect scenario for a modern take on the charming prince falling for the ditzy commoner girl. There’s even a twist on the trope with the prince protecting the girl not with a sword but with his wit!

Penny blushes her head fulling with different possible romance scenarios that could happen during her lessons. But soon her better judgment makes her recall why she was doing this in the first place. She takes both hands and smacks her cheeks until she’s forced the romantic thoughts out of her head.

Penny: No, no, NO! Bad Penny! These lessons are supposed to help you with the investigation. This is a meeting with comrade NOT a romantic encounter! There is simple plan in place for this mission and I am following it! I am going to take these lessons, learn to act like an Altas elite, investigate the suspects, find the spy, get “the project” back on schedule, and help protect EVERYONE! That is what I’m here to do and that is all I will do.

With that reaffirmation Penny feels motivated and gets pumped up. She starts bouncing in her seat as the car nears the station. Soon the train comes to a stop, she’s arrived at the station. Penny quickly grabs her things and heads out the doors when they open. She makes her way though the station and once she’s outside she looks for the car mentioned in last night’s message. She only has to look for few seconds before she spots man in a Chauffeur’s uniform standing outside an expansive looking black car holding up a sigh with “Ms. Polendina” printed on it. It was unbelievably, the limousine for the evening party was understandable but this was just over the top, Penny could barely process the sheer amount of shame and embarrassment she was experiencing but still she knew she has to get in. Penny hastily walks over to him once she gets close enough the chauffeur, Godfrey, calls out to her.

Godfrey: Good Day, Ms. Polendina.

Penny: Good Afternoon, Mr..?

Godfrey: It’s Godfrey, Ms. Polendina.

Penny: It’s nice to meet you Godfrey and you don’t have to call me Ms. Polendina, please just call me Penny.

Godfrey: Alright then Ms. Penny shall we be on our way?

Godfrey sits the sign in front passenger seat then opens the back passenger door for Penny. Penny gets inside, sits, buckles up, and looks around. The interior was spacious with black leather seats with a built in cooler full of bottled sparkling waters. It’s such an overall lavish scene inside and out that it’s honestly overwhelming.

Penny: Is this really necessary? A taxi would have been much more practical and cost effective. And much less overwhelmingly obvious.

Godfrey: Ready to go?

Penny:Oh! Yes, I’m ready to go!

Godfrey starts the car and pulls out onto the road. During the drive Penny looks out the window, the streets were so different from Mantle’s much cleaner and less populated, so many fancy shops, cafes, and skyscrapers, but somehow it felt unauthentic like the city itself was all for show. After an hour or so the car finally comes to a stop in The Schnee Manor driveway. Godfrey opens the door for Penny and walks her to the front door where a maid stands waiting. Once they’re at the door Godfrey tips his hat to both the maid and Penny then leaves. With him gone Penny turns her attention to the maid, the maid bows to her then looks Penny directly in the eyes and speaks.

Mary: Good Afternoon Ms. Polendina Welcome to the Schnee Manor. I am Mary Shallor, I am here to escort you to the Young Master. Please follow me.

Mary walks inside with Penny trailing behind her. After going through several hallway they arrive at one of the libraries where another maid stands waiting. The maids share a nod and Mary leaves, the other maid ups the door and guides Penny to the back of the library. As they go deeper into the room Penny spots someone sitting at by table next to a window reading a book. Once they’re close it becomes clear who it is. There he is Whitley Schnee dressed in his everyday business causal wear, sitting cross legged in an arm chair, sunlight beaming down on him, reading a book on art theory, topping his finger against leather covered spine as he reads.

Penny starts to fidget and looking around, trying her hardest to focus on literally anything besides the literal daydream come to life sitting in front of her. But she just can’t keep her eyes off him no matter how hard she tries. She can feel herself tensing up and her cheeks are starting to go red again. She tries change tactics by focusing on her mission and repeat the purpose of this meeting,

Penny: This is a formal meeting with a comrade. You are here to learn about etiquette and investigate the thefts. This young man is your instructor. This is a professional meeting nothing more-

At that moment Whitley looks up from his book, they’re eyes met, and Penny’s mind goes blank. He sets the book down on the table and gestures to the seat across from him. All while wearing a picture perfect smile.

Whitley: Good afternoon Ms. Polendina, I’ve been waiting for you. Please come take a seat.

Aaaand there goes her plans to be professional about this. Instead her head starts feeling hazy and the drumming in her chest returns as she sits down. Her legs are shaking and she can barely keep her composure. It was just so strange that one smile could make a battle android like her feel so painfully nervous.

Whitley: Now before we get start the orientation we need to get couple things out in the open. First I need you to go over the case details you already have so I can figure out which events you’ll need to attend and which families and or business groups you’ll need to focus in on. Second I need to know just how much you know about etiquette so we can make you a proper lesson plan.

Penny: W-while that’s a reasonable request, for the first subject I can not give you many specific details as the matter is still classified.

Whitley: That’s fine all I need to know is the crime and a list of suspects, nothing more.

Penny: A-Alright I can give you that much. In the past month several supply trucks carrying military equipment have been stolen while in route from the shipping facility or direct from the factories. It appears that someone in a position of high authority is divulging classified information to help facilitate the thefts.

Whitley: That’s very unfortunate. And the suspects?

Penny: Regina Holly, CEO of the Holly HighTech communications technology company, Elio Brugmansia founder and president of Mansia Mobile, Julia Primrose of Inscribed cellular, Arthur Hemlock Vice President of Hemlock Steel, Matthew Datura primary shareholder of Arum Iron and Steel, Alejandro Altissima head of Altissima Fuel, Sylas Foxglove owner of FastFox Fuel and Jospeh Speedwell chairman of Speedway Energy and Fuel. Half were suppliers of the now stolen equipment and Many of the others are also contracted suppliers but could not be ruled out as suspects. At least not yet.

Whitley: My, my, my, that is quite the list, a lot of big players and old money in there. Hmm, one more question Ms. Polendina. Why did the military contract so many different companies at the same time, especially since several are known rivals in their industries?

Penny: With the loss of global communications everything had to be bought or made locally and with most local companies being cut off from their other factories and facilities, no single distributor could supply enough material to fulfill the contract completely so the order was spilt and divided amongst several companies instead.

Whitley: I see. Now on to the etiquette lessons. How much do you know about etiquette and manners?

Penny: I’ve been taught to say please and thank you as a sign of gratitude, to not place my elbows on the table at a meal, to never talk when my mouth is full of food, to always smile when I greet someone regardless of they’re attitude, to hold the door for the person behind me when entering a building, to give up my seat for any person in greater need of it on public transportation, and to say bless you when someone sneezes near me.

Whitley: That is…not exactly what I…….Never mind.

There is a moment of silence as Whitley digest this information. The situation was not the best, too many people on one job makes things too complicated. Especially when dealing with egotistical elites with little empathy or impulse control. And with the current state of the the economy things could only get more complicated.

Whitley: Every person on that suspect list has more then enough means and motive to pull a stunt like this. Could be attempting fraud or price gouging or just a new means to undercutting their competition or something else entirely, there’s no storage of possible motives. And with the market tanking and global trade slowing to a near standstill they’ve probably grew desperate to maintain their business a float as well. (Sighs) Every suspect is the perfect suspect and their motives are endless. Ugh this investigation is going to be absolute nightmare.

Trailing off from that Whitley looks over at Penny, when her identity as a soldier and a huntress were revealed Whitley had assumed that her appearance was just a sort of camouflage to disguise her true nature but it would what seem that was not the case.

Whitley: How she could have possibly became a huntress skilled enough to be recognized by Ironwood himself and yet still retain such an childish and innocent mindset is beyond me. Still she follows orders well and speaks much more properly then I expected so it’s not completely unusual. And it’s not as though having an innocent personality is a bad thing, in fact given the situation we’re in this might make things a little easier.

Whitley stands up from his chair and walks over to Penny, he holds out his hand to her and gestures to her to stand. Instead of just standing up Penny takes his hand as she pulls herself up and out of her seat. The moment they’re hands touch Whitley suddenly feels a tingle, a sort of warm jolt his never experience before. He had held her hands before, at the evening party, but at the time his focus was on getting out of the situation and getting her to Ironwood rather then how her hands felt but right now things were different. Right now she had his full attention and something about her just made him feel so….different. He didn’t why but this one touch just felt so odd like he was burning from the inside but it didn’t hurt. Instead it feels. It feels. He doesn’t really know though some small part of him, almost desperately, wants to know. But now is not the time for this.

Whitley quickly pulls his hand back, causing Penny to pull hers back as well. There a few seconds of awkward silence before Whitley regains his composure and clears his throat.

Whitley: Since it appears that you’ll need a bit more teaching then original thought we’ll have to readjust your lesson plan. So for today we’ll just take a quick tour of the areas we’ve already prepared then you’ll be dismissed.

Penny: Un-understood.

Whitley: Good then we’ll start here. This is the east wing library. It’s stuck with numerous text on almost every topic one could think of. History, Classic literature, Science, the list goes on.

Whitley begin walking through the library towards the entrance with Penny and the maid following close behind. He holds the door for the ladies as they exit from the library and move to the hallway. From there the tour begins with the three walking to the different area in manor, Whitley gives a quick bio of the room or area, then moving on to the next.

First up, a room with a large cream colored L shape sofa paired with a glass coffee table with wood trim was a few magazines, an ashtray and a small phone, and a matching loveseat, a few paintings in walls, potted plants, and a fireplace.

Whitley: This is one of our many lounge rooms. It’s primarily use for entertaining guests or as a sitting room for business colleagues. It’s also used as a rest area for tired or inebriated guests during parties. The small phone on the table has three set speed dials 1 is our in house physician 2 is for the kitchen and 3 is for the clean up crew.

Penny raises her hand to ask a question, Whitley notices and points to her.

Whitley: Yes.

Penny: Why is necessary to have a speed dial for the clean up crew in a lounge room?

Whitley: I’d rather not say but if this investigation last longer than let’s say a month you’ll probably be here for my father’s next black and white party. And if he serves red wine and the good rum again trust me, you’ll find out.

Penny: Oh.

Whitley: On to the next room.

Next stop seems to be a studio, there some sound equipment and speakers, wood floors, and a large mirror covering the entirety of the back wall with a ballet bar going across it.

Whitley: This is the dance studio. Here myself and many others were taught to dance, walk, maintain good posture, and to greet properly. Soon you will learn the same.

Penny takes a moment to look around, she remembers seeing rooms like this in some books and magazines. She runs her hand across the bar as she reminisces about her days in the lab, training her fighting abilities and learning about human through books and old movies. She stands on her toes and does a little twirl, emanating the dancers she’d seen so long ago. Whitley lets her enjoy herself for a bit then calls her back so they can continue the tour.

Next up , a room full of instruments mainly a selection of violins and cellos in various size, a few flutes, three pianos, a record player, and several bookshelves filed with a variety of records and sheet music.

Whitley: Welcome to the music room, this addition built almost forty years ago. During that time a number of people have learned to play their chosen instruments with most advancing to an expert level, myself included.

Penny: You’re a musician?

Whitley: Yes, a pianist to be exact. In the music world I am known as the Silver Maestro of Atlas, I perform every 50 days sometimes solo sometimes with an Orchestra.

Penny: Amazing. May I come see you perform someday?

Whitley: Hmm. Given that most of the venues I play in are usually elites parties and high profile concerts you’ll most likely have to attend one during your time here.

Penny: Wonderful! I’m excited to hear your music.

Whitley says nothing and heads towards the next room with Penny and the maid in tow. While walking towards the next area they pass a large window with a view into a grand garden. They are about to pass the hall to gardens main entrance when Whitley spots Willow walks past on the other side of the glass, a bottle in hand and several more being carried by Mary most being empties. Whitley stops the two women almost trip trying not to run into him. Whitley turns around with a almost stranded smile on his face, he stands there for a few more seconds until he knows Willow has passed their field of vision then taps the window and gestures for Penny to look throughout it.

Whitley: If you look over here you’ll see the famous Schnee Manor garden, home to several hundred different types of flora and fauna, many of which can only be seen here or at the Atlas Botanic Garden. This garden was built by my grandfather Nicholas Schnee as a birthday gift to his dear daughter Willow, my mother.

Penny stares at the window in awe, her face almost pressed to the glass. There’s so many flowers in some many pretty colors. She hadn’t seen many flowers since she’d been stationed in Mantle, outside the ones in pots hung on houses as décor and the few stray wildflowers that grew in the parks so seeing something like this was just incredible. It was like field of eternal spring with roses, lilies, tulips, even some of her dad’s favorite,Yellow Snapdragons! So gorgeous she could just run inside and spend the day there, just watching, picking, and smelling flowers for hours and hours. She looks over to Whitley her eyes practically shining in excitement.

Penny: It so beautiful! I’ve never seen so many flowers in one place! Whitley could we please go-

Whitley: NO!

There was a surprised silence, Everyone, including himself were stunned, shocked by the volume of the young Schnee. It was very very rare to hear him speak so loud and when he did it was always a sigh of something unpleasant happening. Once out of his shocked state Whitley looks a bit uncomfortable and ashamed.

Whitley: I a-apologize for that, it was inappropriate of me to yell. (Coughs) To answer your question, No there’s working been done inside right now so we can’t go into the garden today.

Penny: Okay.

Whitley: We’ll go in at another time just not today. Let’s just continue the tour.

The group continues walking in complete silence. They continue going to the few more room but the mood has taken too much of a downward turn. They ended at the ballroom standing in the middle of the room Whitley gives his last speech before the end of the tour.

Whitley: This is Ballroom, a place I’m sure you’re at least a little familiar with.

Penny blushes a bit puts her head down and nods.

Whitley: There’s really no need for a lot of explanation, this room has only one use, to host all the manor’s grand events and parties. Be it evening parties, charity galas, dinner parties and so on, this is where some of the grandest parties in Atlas are hosted and only a select few get to attend this events often for others it’s a once in a lifetime experience. And with that this is the end of our tour.

Penny gives an enthusiastic round of applause to which Whitley gives a slight chuckle and a few dramatic bows.

Whitley: Thank you, Thank you, your too kind. Now since the tour’s over you’re dismissed for the day, I’ll have your new lesson plan sent to you before tomorrow morning so please remember to check your scroll for it before you return. Have good day and Ms. Polendina, Genevieve Please see her to the car.

Penny: Thank you for having me. I look forward to seeing you- You all to-tomorrow.

Penny gives a small wave as Genevieve guides her to the front door, Whitley gives her a smile and wave back. Once she’s out Whitley turns around and heads back to his room to his desk. His day has just begun and he had a mountain of paperwork and studies that need to be done before dinner. Meanwhile Penny’s back in the car with Godfrey, heading back to station she looks out window and chats with Godfrey until they get there. Once she gotten out from the car into the station, and on the train back down she looks at her scroll and realizes that it’s still quite early and she still has a lot of work to do. But despite that fact she didn’t feel groggy or groggy or deflated like most would. Oddly enough she actually felt sort of calm, relaxed and ready to get to work. When the train car finally stops in back at the Mantle station Penny gets off the train, heads outside and sits at the near bench, puts her boots back on, and gets back to work!

After another long day of protecting Mantle Penny goes home, has dinner and family time with her dad, then head to her room to get ready for bed. Sitting in her pajamas brushing her hair, Penny think back on all that’s happened today and what could happened tomorrow when she remembers what Whitley said about sending her new lesson plan. She picks up her scroll and looks through her messages to see if Whitley’s sent the new lesson plan for her or if he sent it through Ironwood instead. She looks and looks but finds nothing, it getting late and she needs to rest so she plugs herself in to charge but keeps looking at her scroll waiting for his message. She knows it’ll come before she leaves for patrol in the morning but she wants to read it the moment it’s sent to her, she wants to see his message.

Penny pauses for second and realized what she was actually doing. She was unnecessarily waiting up for a work related message just because he was the one sending. Suddenly she recalls everything she said to him today and starts to blush again. She buries her face in her pillow and starts screaming into it.

Penny: Did I really stutter that much? why did I asking so many unnecessary questions? Why did I grab his hand like that? He pulled his away so fast he must have felt so uncomfortable! How could I be so stupid!

She continues to whine and worry about how she might have come off for another hour or so, never once let her scroll go as she turns into a blushing embarrassed mess.

Whitley sits at his desk typing away at his laptop. He had finished his work hours ago but he still had to update Penny’s lesson plan and find an easy event for her to attend as soon as possible to help jump start the investigation. He was almost done with the lesson plan but still needed to find a more causal event with the right people in attendance to send Penny to. He’s typing away at his laptop with one hand and looking through his scroll at the local social media with the other.

With global communication gone the elites had lost most of their social media audience and now only had fraction of onlookers to watch them flaunt their wealth so the local servers had become a giant message board were young elites post about the parties they’re having, dangerous pranks they were pulling, stupid stunts, petty drama, and weekly shopping hauls.

Whitley detested using social media as it was full of amount nothing but vapid idiots looking for validation but it was the easiest way to keep up with happenings of Atlas youths so he checked it every few days. After scrolling through countless food pics, videos of people being stupid, morons screaming at each over things they don’t really understand he puts his scroll down leans back, and puts his hand on his face, completely frustrated.

Whitley: If I have to see another picture of an idiot eating dish cleaner for attention I’m going to have an aneurysm. (Sighs) Why I am even doing this we only agree to teach her and get her into events not to hand pick them for her.

He looks up to the ceilings and and recalls the events of the afternoon. She had only been in the manor for a couple of hours but he had learned quite a lot in that time.

Whitley: That girl, She’s definitely a intelligent, driven, and strong person, the way she spoke about the case was concise but clear, not hint of worry, doubt, or deception just cold facts. Her articulation and vernacular while a bit stiff were also far more advanced than I was expecting. If she learns quickly and keep her head on straight she should do fine but-

The memories of that afternoon flash in his mind, her twirling by ballet bar, the excitement in her voice when she discovered he had musical talent, her vibrant green eyes staring with wonder at the garden. A soldier she made be but that wasn’t all she was. She was sweet, innocent, excitable, and very much vulnerable. She could become a true darling in high society if trained right but right now she’s too gentle, like a hummingbird flying without fear if she gets too close to wrong flower a predator could rip her apart before she could even put up a fight.

Whitley sits back up, stretches his arms the gets back to searching. He calls for a maid to get him a cup of coffee, takes off his vest, and settles in for a long night of work.

#penny polendina #whitley schnee #broken machines #rwby #rwby fanfiction #fanfic #the real story begins now

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austen-tatious · 3 years

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Northanger Abbey Lee Miller

Prior to this year I hadn’t read Northanger Abbey or Pride and Prejudice, surprisingly as a fourth-year English major. Even more surprisingly I liked Northanger Abbey the best out of all the Jane Austen works I’ve read, more specifically, I think that Henry Tilney is the most attractive Austen love-interest.

I made this meme to represent my hot takes on Austen-men that I’ve developed from this class. I didn’t use a template, but rather edited photos over stills from the TV show “Dance Moms”. I chose the “Dance Moms” pyramid scene because It reminds me a lot of our discussions every week in class; we often circle back to debates around which Jane Austen love interest is the best, and the “Dance Moms” pyramid functions in the show to do just that—rank each week’s best performer. If you follow the show, you will understand more, but if you don’t, allow me to try to explain. One of the running themes in the “Dance Moms” TV show is that every week when they do the pyramid, Maddy is on top, because Maddy is Abby’s favorite. This favoritism is evident even outside of the pyramid—Maddy can truly do no wrong in Abby’s eyes and she is constantly rewarded with solos, praise, and one-on-one practice sessions with Abby free of charge. Likewise, all of the other girls have to work twice has hard (if not three times as hard) in order to get recognized by Abby, and even when they do just as well as Maddy, they are still not praised for it. Abby talks more critically to these girls, specifically the Chloe, who is the closest in age and talent to Maddy. Now, this isn’t to say that Maddy isn’t an amazing dancer, she is, and since the show she has gone on to be very successful. However, she is not necessarily better (at least not all the time) than the other girls, especially Chloe. Now, Abby represents the Janites, Maddy is Darcy, and Chloe is Henry Tilney (for the purposes of this post I am only including Austen love interests from the books the have read thus-far), which is why I chose a rare scene where Chloe ends up on the top of the pyramid, Maddy coming in second. I also took the liberty of filling in the other open slots, which I feel like I could get some back lash for that bottom row, but I feel pretty strongly about it.

I personally believe that Darcy is over-hyped. I think that this is partially due to the movies that have come from Pride and Prejudice. This lends into our discussion around cannon and what is accepted as cannon in the Jane Austen fan base. Pride and Prejudice, unlike almost all of the other novels, has a film version that has a fan base that hasn’t read the book, as well as a fan base that has. The move over-romanticizes Darcy in a way I don’t think that the book does. Something we haven’t talked about yet that I feel like we need to, is how intertwined erraticism and fan-made works are. For example, 50 Shades of Grey was a Twilight fan-fiction, just as Twilight was a Harry Potter fan-fiction and each one is more sexual than the next. There are no sex scenes in Harry Potter, however there are several in Twilight, and all of 50 Shades of Grey revolves around sex. Fan fiction and fan art revolve around sex, filling in the blanks of the intimate between characters, and even fostering relationships between two characters who don’t actually have any romantic relation in the original story. I think that this romanticized Darcy is the one that people chose to picture and fawn over—not the Darcy that is on the page of the book.

Henry Tilney is charismatic, smart, mostly handsome, and rich enough. Further, Henry mentors Catherine in his own quirky way, preparing her more for the real world than the manipulative Isabella and the diluted Mrs.Allen. He isn’t afraid to show his feminine side, which is a more-modern taste than one of the period. Like Elizabeth Bennett, I don’t think that TIlney would struggle if he were yanked out of his world and placed into ours—perhaps he too is “born out of time”. More so, I would argue that Tilney is more selfless than Darcy because he defies his father for Catherine forsaking the most important thing to a man in the 18th century—his money. Would Darcy give up all of his wealth for Elizabeth? Would Darcy have any good qualities if his wealth didn’t permit him to be selfless? I personally don’t think so. While Tilney falls for Catherine because she loves him, Darcy falls for Elizabeth because she doesn’t—and he becomes obsessed, which I personally would find annoying and maybe even creepy if I were her. If in modern times an older man was paying for everything for a woman, proposing to her every few months, and yet still treating her as if she is lesser-than him, we would call that a sugar daddy, not a love-interest. Instead, I believe the reason we like Darcy (even in the book) isn’t just because of the movie depictions that glorify him, but because we like Elizabeth, just as we dislike Henry because we don’t like Catherine (at least in the beginning). Through free-indirect discourse we get proportionately more of the female characters than the male, and thus our judgements are based more on their interiority than on the male characters themselves. Like Abby Lee Miller in “Dance Moms”, the fan base has an undying biased towards Darcy, but there is so much more to Austen then a rich bachelor.

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heavencollins · 3 years

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Top 10 Films of 2020: Part One

2020 was a rough year for a lot of reasons, but even more rough due to the lack of an existent film industry for over half of the year. Sure, there are small productions happening and movies being released on VOD, as well as some in theatres, but so many great films were pushed back this year—movies I was excited to possibly have on my top ten. Minari, Promising Young Woman, Zola, The Green Knight, Saint Maud. Okay most of those are A24 releases but A24 literally released next to none of their slate for this year and it’s one of the most disappointing things to happen in the entertainment industry in my opinion.

Alas, I still found cinema through streaming, paying $20 for a VOD rental, and those amazing $1.80 rentals from Redbox (remember when they were only a dollar? because I do). And honestly? It was probably the hardest time curating a top ten that I’ve had in a long time; with so much just available through the internet and owning every single popular streaming service, it was both impossible to watch everything I wanted but also since I watched a lot of what i wanted, I ended up loving most of it. For a year that was so dismal in every other way possible, the films that were released ended up being a shining light more often than not. Of course, like every other year, a lot of hot garbage came out too, but that isn’t the focus of this—the great, amazing, can’t believe these are real films.

So let’s start from number ten. This was my first and only $20 rental this year, starring a man who I personally admire: Pete Davidson.

10. The King Of Staten Island, directed by Judd Apatow and written by Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, and Dave Sirus.

Judd Apatow is one of the first directors who I watched religiously, and hearing that he was doing a film with Pete Davidson that was essentially based on Davidson’s life meant that I knew I’d have to watch it. Scott, played by Davidson, is a twenty-something with no direct path in life; he lives with his mother, his sister is going off to college—something he never attempted—and he has no real career. His father died in a large building structure fire, much like Davidson’s actual father, a firefighter who passed away while responding to the twin towers during 9/11. Scott is emotionally a wreck, plagued with depression and anxiety, a chronic weed smoker, and dreams of being a tattoo artist that he practices by tattooing his group of rag-tag friends, but none of the tattoos are very great.

The thing about an Apatow film is they border the line between comedy and drama very well, kind of a complicated little dance. But, King of Staten Island is very much a drama more than a comedy. Bill Burr plays Ray, the father of a kid that Scott tattoos earlier on in the film. Ray comes stomping up to Scott’s mother’s house, and Margie, played by Marissa Tomei, opens the door. It’s essentially love at first sight. She hasn’t dated since Scott’s father passed, and to make matters worse, Ray is also a firefighter. This complicates emotions for Scott, as he loves his mother but also doesn’t know how to deal with the feeling that his mother is finally moving on and may face heartbreak again.

Davidson puts it all on the table in this film. It’s poignant and realistic; at the start, Scott is driving down the highway and closes his eyes, way longer than you should. It sets the tone from the start that this man isn’t okay, but also he’s scared of dying because as soon as he opens his eyes again and sees he may be about to crash, he quickly panics and readjusts his wheel. This struck a chord with me as most people know that Davidson has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past. It’s a beautiful film that memorializes both how much Davidson’s father meant to him, but also the cycles of grief and trauma that last throughout your life.

9: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), directed by Cathy Yan and written by Christina Hodson.

Suicide Squad is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen period, fact. Birds of Prey is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen period, fact. I never, ever, ever thought I’d see a day where a DC movie was in my top ten, but this year anything is possible. Birds of Prey is a display of feminism, badassery, and all around perfection. You jump right into the story, hearing Margot Robbie’s classic Harley Quinn voice laid over an animation showing what we missed in her life so far, which means you don’t have to have any previous knowledge of the other films. Birds of Prey is meant to stand alone from any other movie preceding this one, and that’s just part of why it’s so great.

This film knows not to take itself too seriously. Margot Robbie is a dream as Harley Quinn, using just the right amount of playfulness to put a little edge on her, while also maintaining the manic-panic-pixie-dream-girl effect. Perhaps the best scene is when Harley goes and purchases the perfect egg breakfast sandwich, and then she drops it, causing a dramatic slow motion effect that proves she really does love that sandwich more than anything in the world. Or her realistic apartment, nothing truly fancy, just a little hole in the wall above a rundown Chinese restaurant. But then she has an amazing ensemble of other women actors around her, which are what really uplift her performance.

The funhouse fight scene at the end may be the best in superhero movie history. I mean, I guess, is Harley Quinn really a superhero? She’s kind of the anti-hero, which is what makes her so great. She’s somebody who isn’t even close to perfect but she still succeeds and tries to help and uplift the other women on her team. There’s just something special about this movie that made me smile and laugh the entire time. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to have fun every once in a while.

8: The Assistant, directed and written by Kitty Green.

For those who don’t know, I work as an assistant during the day for a small business here in Vermont. The work is mundane but it’s a job that’s giving me experience for the future. In The Assistant, Jane, played by Julia Garner, is an assistant to a “powerful entertainment mogul.” She gets lunch, answers phones, is the first one into the office, the last one out of the office, finds herself overshadowed by her male counterparts and getting the majority of the “grunt” work, and becomes more and more aware of what’s really going on at this office throughout a day in her life.

What’s interesting about this film is nothing is ever seen; everything Jane starts to feel is just based on intuition. Her boss is tricky, finding ways to keep his abuse of women out of the public eye, out of the eye of any female employees. This is obviously in response to #MeToo, Times Up, and the Harvey Weinstein news from the last few years, and it works surprisingly well as a film that just unnerves you and gets under your skin.

The reality of assault in the film industry is that until it’s widely public and known, nobody is going to know about it. You can report it to your company, to other women, to other men, to anybody, and nobody will take you seriously until they either experience it themselves or know somebody else who has. The Assistant hits the ball out of the park with the ending, even if it doesn’t give a vindictive satisfaction to viewers, because it’s simply the truth of the matter.

7: Tenet, directed and written by Christopher Nolan.

I really don’t know what to say about this one. It’s really controversial to like it but I absolutely LOVED this movie, it’s pure fucking vibes. A lot of people are cinema purists, which I am not, and will never claim to be, which was a huge deal with this film. Personally, this works way better at home than it ever would in a theater. It’s slightly long, the sound mixing makes it so it can be hard to hear dialogue over loud noises and the score, and it’s the type of movie you may have to rewind a few times.

My partner and I watched this in 4K Ultra HD with subtitles on, and let me tell you, it was amazing. Everything about the acting, the diversity in the film, the fact that Nolan literally has a character say “Don’t try to understand it, just experience it”???? VIBES. That’s all I can say about it. Plus, Elizabeth Debicki plays an actual badass who stands against her abuser and that enough is five stars. A tall queen standing up against her short joker—absolute feminism.

Sure, no character gets any development, but is that seriously necessary for every film? It’s an action flick about time and space and none of it makes sense and you can’t force it to. Why does everything need to make sense in a time where we are literally living through a pandemic? Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience of Tenet. It’s more fun when you don’t take it seriously.

6: The Devil All The Time, directed by Antonio Campos and written by Antonio Campos, Donald Ray Pollock, and Paulo Campos.

I never read the book this was based on, but this film made me want to. I love a film where multiple plot lines converge into one central story and this one did it so well, all with the same theme surrounding every single character: the guilt of sin and how no matter how much you think you can save yourself, you can’t truly save yourself. I’m not a huge fan of Tom Holland, but he shines as Arvin from beginning to end. Pattinson brings a creepy southern preacher to life with an accent that he will never be able to match again. Keough gives a performance you can only sympathize with as you know she’s being manipulated the entire time. Every character in this is corrupt in their own way but some in worse ways than others.

I don’t know how much to say about this one without spoiling it, either, because the core of this film is on the characters and what leads to their untimely ends, because pretty much everybody ends up dead. It’s grim and dark but it’s so beautiful and tells the story in a way that keeps you interested throughout the entire run time. It surprised me but there’s never truly been a Robert Pattinson starring movie that I’ve hated, so am I really surprised? I’m a TwiHard at heart even at age 22.

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