#and please let it pass without me needing to make difficult lifestyle changes | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ohmyeyesmyeyes · 3 years

Note

Idk if you do one shots inspired in songs, but if so, Would you mind doing one with a Taylor Swift's song which is called "The 1"? With Mason Mount please

< i love taylor so much and i really hope i didn’t completely butcher this, but thanks for the challenge :) >

MASON MOUNT ONESHOT

the 1

( WARNING: little bit of angst and fluff?, swearing )

word count: 1.8k

Things don’t often go as we expect them to, and it’s often incredibly difficult to replan your life around that massive change and adapt your lifestyle so you can — in reality — live again.

It’s like trying to find your feet when you’re in the air — it feels impossible but you know with time you’ll eventually meet the ground again.

That’s what it felt like when you and Mason broke up four years ago.

You were fresh out of uni and at the time, you really thought he’d be it for you, and honestly, so did he. A break up thrown into the mix of having to navigate adult life just seemed to put a huge stopper on all your plans; the holiday you two had both booked for a weekend away in Ireland, the meals out with friends that you had to cancel, and the house showings you were set to attend.

Looking back on your relationship now, you realise it wouldn’t have been the worst thing to end up with Mason. All the years and effort and time put into loving him were — without a doubt — some of the best years of your life (at that stage in life), and did you regret it?

Not one single bit.

But four years is the perfect amount of time to heal, remove the salt from the wound and finish grieving.

But he was here. In real life.

You’d imagined running into him in the supermarket or on a night out with your friends, but a bus stop?

That one was weird. Mainly because you both hated catching the bus with a burning passion.

But it lead to a catch up over coffee.

It was a quiet place, out of the way of the usual lunchtime hustle and bustle in the city, and for that you were grateful. You could hear your own thoughts.

It was awkward at first, you couldn’t keep your eyes from fixating on his figure, his features, because four years can really change a person. He was much broader, his hair a little shorter, but he was still that same Mason you once loved.

You knew that because the first thing he did when he sat down was offer you that cheeky, charming smile that had you hooked from the second you met.

He’d asked how you were, and you answered honestly: you were living well, your best life, and to the fullest. And you knew and he knew that it wasn’t a lie.

He could tell by the smile on your face and the new, sparkling band on your wedding finger. He half expected that blow to sting a little — that you’d found someone and he hadn’t, but he was never one to be bitter whatsoever, at least, not when it came to you.

Instead, he offered his congratulations and the only inkling of regret he held was not being there when it happened.

I guess you never know, never know,

And if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed,

And if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow,

And it’s alright now.

There was silence after that.

You had one thing on your mind, and you knew by the way he was looking at you that he was also thinking the same thing.

You took a sip of your coffee.

He mirrored your actions, seemingly startled when you placed your mug onto your saucer, the chink of porcelain against porcelain echoing around the small shop cutting through the previous quietness.

“I think I hated you for a while.” You murmured, and if Mason wasn’t leant over the table slightly, he would’ve missed the statement completely.

He nodded in understanding, his brown eyes shining with the faintest hint of guilt.

“I think I was so frustrated with the idea that we just…didn’t work, and I blamed it on you.” You paused, fingers twisting your rings.

He paused, mulling over his words, “And now? Still hate me now?”

You bit back a small smile and met his eyes, “No…I think it’d take a whole load of bad shit to get me to hate you.”

He smiled.

“That’s good to know.”

“I mean, I think it was a long time coming anyway, that break up.”

“It didn’t feel right for a while.”

“No,” you agreed, “as much as it hurt to admit, I think we just failed…as a couple. There was a point where we were just together for the sake of not giving up on the relationship, but with no real reason to continue.”

But we were something, don't you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool,

And if my wishes came true,

It would've been you,

In my defense, I have none,

For never leaving well enough alone,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

He seemed to ponder over your words, and although he never voiced it, he came to the conclusion that you’d just put into words — perfectly — the itch that had been tickling his brain for the past few years.

“Despite that, you can’t deny that we weren’t something…” he started, before breaking off and shaking his head, as if the mere thought was ridiculous.

“We were something special. I think, had things stayed like they were in the beginning, that…you and I…” you waved your hand, tilting your head, and he nodded in agreement, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Me too. I think…in another life we could have made each other happy. It would have been fun.”

The words ‘if you would’ve been the one’ echoed in your head, and despite the passive aggressiveness of your conscience, you found yourself holding back a smile.

“Water fights in winter and eggs with ketchup…perfect. I’d never have gotten tired of that.” You mused, and he spluttered slightly on his coffee, laughing along with you in what felt like a decade.

I have this dream you're doing cool shit,

Having adventures on your own,

You meet some woman on the internet and take her home,

We never painted by the numbers, baby,

But we were making it count,

You know the greatest loves of all time are over now.

“Then again, who knows? Maybe you’ll fall over in the airport and some lucky person will help you off the floor—”

“You’re about to say something cheesy, aren’t you?” Mason covered his mouth, scrunching his nose in anticipation as you nodded.

“All this nostalgic bullshit has me emotional! I swear, just this once…just this once, and I promise you can laugh about it afterwards.” You swore, holding out your pinkie for confirmation.

He didn’t hesitate, and linked your pinkie.

“You’ll find someone else. It’ll be love at first sight—hey, let me have this moment…maybe love at second sight, knowing you… you’ll go to some really magical place and have the most amount of fun you’re ever gonna have…hikes, skydiving, looking after animals I’m sanctuaries…you’re gonna have the time of your life — like Grey and Swayze.” You sniggered, unable to hold in your laughs at the ridiculous scenarios.

Mason pulled a face, unable to hide a smile.

“Okay, okay. End of story: they’ll be perfect. The Chandler to your Monica or the Robin to your Ted. But, you understand what I’m talking about, right?” You asked, sighing out of frustration.

“You’re saying I’ll find my person.” He concluded, sitting back in his chair.

“Yeah.”

We were something, don't you think so?

Rosé flowing with your chosen family,

And it would've been sweet,

If it could've been me,

In my defense, I have none,

For digging up the grave another time,

But it would've been fun,

If you would've been the one.

“Like…your grandma and grandad. I want what they have.” Mason smiled.

“They’ll be pleased to hear that,” you said, “I don’t think they’re quite over us yet. You were too…you at family meals. They fell in love with you too.”

This time Mason really laughed. Really laughed. He threw his head back and the people working at the counter turned to look at him, fighting their own smiles at his carefree nature.

What you’d said wasn’t even that funny.

“Too me? Thanks, I think?”

“Oh, that’s definitely a compliment. You’re too damn charming for your own good, it’s a problem. You should come with a warning label on your forehead: EASY TO LOVE.”

“That’ll solve a lot of problems.”

There was silence.

It was relieving to say the least.

“That whole conversation was about four years too late.” You said, pursing your lips.

“Better late than never.” Mason murmured, his eyes trained on you.

The pressure on your shoulders was lifted. All the things that needed to be said were said.

As time passes, the wound heals — sometimes, but in your case, that was true, as hard as it was to come to that conclusion — and it suddenly became easier to recall the loss of what might have been without bringing you back to wishing it would be again.

It was nice.

“Would it be totally inappropriate—”

“Not at all.” You interrupted, shrugging at his raised eyebrows.

“You didn’t know what I was going to say.” He chuckled.

“I’ll have you know that years of knowing you granted me the issue of knowing what you’re going to say,” You said, pointing an accusatory finger in his direction.

“What was I going to say?” He challenged, “If you get it right, I’ll get you tickets to the next game.”

You raised your brows.

“Confident, are we?”

He shrugged, a smug smirk on his lips.

“I don’t think it’s totally inappropriate to be friends.” At your words, he slumped in his chair, hands going to cover his face.

“No.” He groaned, repeating the word like a mantra as you pumped the air with your fist.

“Three tickets to the next game in the bag.” You bragged.

“Honestly.” He whined, peeling his hands away. “Why are you so difficult?”

“You offered the terms.”

“Why am I so dumb?” He rephrased.

“Ah, I'm afraid only you can answer that one.”

“The brain cells I have left don’t have enough energy to come up with an answer to a question as philosophical as that one—yes, it was philosophical to me, okay?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” You promised, putting your hands in the air in surrender.

“Just remember who’s going to give you those tickets, yeah?” He teased, sitting up.

“Abusing your power, nice move.”

“Oh…shut up.”

“Weak.” You coughed, trying to disguise the fact you said anything.

He looked straight at you, highly unimpressed by your tactics.

“Very original.” Was all he said.

“Is it supposed to be this easy?” You blurted out, spitting out the words before you could rethink the consequences of them being thrown into the abyss between you and Mason.

He knitted his brows together in thought.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly, “but we were friends way before, it’s not hard to fall back into old habits. I think that’s why it’s so easy.”

242 notes · View notes

lordkambe · 4 years

Note

Haiii I love you!!!! Could I please request a jealous Rin (free!) smut. Biting, choking the more depraved the better ❤️

🦈 character, fandom, type of reader: rin matsuoka, free, woman reader.

🦈 genre, rating: nsfw. 18+ only.

🦈 themes, triggers: explicit descriptions, explicit dirty talk, choking, biting, jealously that could be interpreted as yandere ngl, daddy!rin,

🦈 author’s note: hey i love rin. very much. very glad i got this. there’s a plot to the p*rn so i apologize if this is kinda long ! aside from that i hope you enjoy this smutty, s-m-u-t-t-y drabble 😏

Following Rin to Sydney wasn’t something you regretted. You’d been to the beautiful city in the past and were set on attending a local university in the city prior to meeting Rin. When he shared his interest in returning to the city himself and pursuing his career as a professional swimmer, it further solidified your belief that the two of you were fated to be together. The two of you had been dating for quite some time but only had taken it a step further when you entered university. To cut your own personal costs, you moved in with Rin and from then forward your relationship with Rin wasn’t casual; the two of you took your relationship seriously and weighed your future in every decision you made. It was healthy, it was nice, and it was the perfect dose of a domestic lifestyle with the man you loved.

Rin had texted you to meet him at the local pub where he would be treating some of his old friends to drinks and given that you needed a break from your studies, you happily obliged. Before leaving you took your time to get yourself put together you couldn’t possibly enter the pub in the pair of sweats you wore. Skipping the formal wear, even the clubwear, you went for something comfortable and casual, however, the v-neck tee boyfriend you wore was somewhat transparent and exposed the black bra you wore underneath; unwilling to change you threw on a light cardigan and headed out to the pub.

Luckily the pub was within walking distance of your shared apartment with Rin but given that you had taken a bit longer debating whether or not to change your shirt, Rin and his friends had already beaten you to the punch. You waved at the group of boys through the window and quickly entered the crowded pub. “Y/N!” Rin greeted you with a toothy smile. He stood from his seat and engulfed you into a hug followed by an obligatory kiss. You then turned to wave at Rin’s old friends from Japan and a few familiar faces struck out enough for you to greet them by name.

A seat next to Rin wasn’t open and instead of making a fuss about it, you sat down next to his childhood friend/rival, Sousuke. You had only heard about him through Rin’s stories and remembered he had issues with his shoulder after a strain. Once the casual conversation with everyone had come to an end you talked to Sousuke and exchanged stories about Rin --- much to his dismay. Rin was busy catching up with his other friends but you felt his eyes on you every second or two. You didn’t give it much attention as you were too entertained by Sousuke’s stories.

Because of the crowded feeling in the pub, the heat within it began to grow. The cardigan you wore was light but even then you felt uncomfortably warm. You took a heavy sip of your water, Sousuke looked at you with a bit of concern,

“you should take off your sweater. I took off my jacket too. It’s really hot in here for whatever reason.” He spoke into the rim of his beer glass before taking a heavy sip from it.

You nodded your head not thinking twice about why you wore a cardigan to begin with. Attempting to wiggle your arms out from the cardigan it was difficult to do given that you were sandwiched between two very broad men. Sousuke stood up from his seat and took your hand.

“Here Y/N, I’ll give you a hand.”

You smiled at his kindness and took his hand. He helped you remove your cardigan in order to place it behind your seat. You sat down and wiggled your shoulders feeling a breeze of cool air sweep past your exposed skin. The hair that fell down your neck was still a nuisance however so you took the hair tie around your wrist and tied your hair into a high ponytail. While doing so the transparency of your shirt was made known to Rin mostly, nobody else seemed to notice or care. The fleeting glances he was giving you from across the table were now replaced with a heavy stare. You looked at him for just a second but before you could say anything Sousuke grabbed a hold of your attention. He continued with his story about how Rin and he had a friendly competition as children.

“So yeah --- as I was saying. There was a time when Rin was trying to catch up with me but didn’t notice his shoes were untied.”

Your eyes grew obviously interested and entertained by the story Sousuke was sharing. He seemed to be vibing with you as well. His eyes were locked with yours and it was evident that he was interested in becoming friends with you. You were Rin’s long-time serious girlfriend after all and Sousuke was a great friend of Rin who cared deeply about him.

“And then he just fell flat on his face. He completely ate shit.”

Concealing a smile you added to the story, “let me guess he started to cry?”

“Oh like a baby,” Sousuke added.

With that, the two of you burst into a fit of laughter that occupied most of the pub. The two of you had an obnoxious laugh, there was nothing more to it. You playfully slapped Sousuke’s shoulder and he dramatically let out a whine and rubbed the place you hit. You were gullible enough to fall for it remembering that Rin had mentioned Sousuke had a shoulder injury.

You sat closer to him, close enough for your chest to press to his side. You rubbed his shoulder in remorse. “Oh my god. I’m so so so sorry!”

Sousuke looked down at you with his sea-green eyes. “You’re just as gullible as Rin.” You ripped yourself from his side and crossed your arms. Cutely, you stuck his tongue out at him. That was it for Rin. He couldn’t just sit there and watch the two of you anymore. He stood from his seat and as he did the dishware on the table clinked together. Without much care to anyone else who was there Rin walked towards you and grabbed your arm forcing you to stand up.

“Hey! Rin! What the hell?”

Rin looked at you, you’d seen that face a few times before but only when someone tried to make a pass at you. He was jealous but you couldn’t understand why he would be jealous.

“Thanks, everyone but Y/N and I are leaving. You have that thesis to work on, remember?”

“Yeah but --”

You took a deep breath and understood that now wasn’t the time to argue with him. So you nodded your head and agreed.

“Yeah. He’s right. I’ve been putting off that thesis for a while. It was nice meeting you guys.”

You looked down at Sousuke and watched as he stood from his seat. He gave Rin a hug and then invited you into one as well. It would be awkward to refuse it. He gave you your sweater but before you could grab it yourself Rin took it for you and with that the two of you were off. The walk back to your shared apartment was quiet. You attempted to break the silence by talking to Rin but he didn’t budge. He trudged his feet forward and you followed behind him. Provided that Rin wasn’t communicating with you the second you entered your apartment you returned to your work.

Rin watched you as you began to open up your laptop.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m working on my paper, Rin.”

Your eyes were busy opening up the tab you left off on. Rin walked towards you and lowered your screen causing your hands to leave the keyboard. He shut the laptop completely.

“Rin what the fuck is wrong with you?” You looked up at him angrily.

“With me? What do you mean what the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You understood he was jealous of what happened at the pub. He didn’t need to say it but this behavior? It was unacceptable. You set your laptop on the coffee table and stood up. He was much taller than you so you looked up at him.

“Nothing is wrong with me Rin. You invited me to the pub to meet your friends. I was getting to know them.”

“Them? C’mon, Y/N. You seemed to only be interested in one person.”

With a shake of your head, you rolled your eyes. Now with your arms folded across your chest, you shrugged your shoulders.

“Sousuke? I was sitting right next to him and I had to make conversation. What did you expect me to do, sit awkwardly and not say anything? ”

“Did you have to take your sweater off---”

You cut him off.

“It was hot! Rin, oh my god. What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing has gotten into me. I’m not that petty. Look at your shirt.”

He pointed at your cleavage.

“You had no business wearing a shirt where everyone could see your bra. That’s only for me to see.”

Your hands came up to rub your temples.

“Rin. I didn’t do that on purpose. Nobody noticed.”

“I noticed.” Rin stepped closer towards you.

“Of course you noticed, your mind is always going someplace perverted.”

You mumbled under your breath -- soft enough where you didn’t think he couldn’t hear.

With his hand, he took your chin and turned it for you to face him, “what the fuck did you just say?”

It was the look in his eyes that was a dead give away to what was about to transpire. Punishment. It happened rarely, you were good. Rin hated punishing you or at least that’s what he swore.

“Nothing.” You said in response.

Rin clicked his tongue.

“You know how I feel about liars, Y/N. You said my mind is perverted. And what about yours, hm?”

The question is rhetorical. You knew this but your pride urged you to respond. Rin covered your mouth preventing you from saying anything further.

“Do you like him... Sousuke? I bet you were thinking about him huh? I can’t blame you, he's a handsome guy. Do you want me to call him? So he can fuck you? So I can show him how much of a fucking slut you are?”

Rin removed his hand from your mouth and ordered you not to speak. With both his hands he tore the fabric of your tee and exposed the black bra you wore. It was nothing sexy. A casual t-shirt bra that was a part of your everyday attire but because of the push-up support your cleavage looked more pronounced than usual.

“I bet that’s what you wanted Sousuke to see. You were just shoving your breasts in his face asking him to bend you over and fuck you.”

You nodded your head no. Rin only chuckled, still not believing your disinterest in his friend. He turned away from you and took a seat on the chair across from you. He sat with his legs wide, wide enough for you to see the growing length between his pants. You stood there silently waiting for what Rin wanted to do with you next.

“Take off your pants, Y/N.”

You unbuttoned the waistband of your jeans and removed them. You picked them up and placed them on the chair behind you. You stood in front of your boyfriend in your mismatched bra and panty set. Rin took out his phone and held it in your direction.

“Should I take a picture and send it to him? Should I let him know you’re thinking about fucking him?”

You shook your head no once more this time with much more vigor. You stepped towards Rin before finally kneeling in front of him. Your hand held his wrist and you lowered his phone.

“You have permission to speak, Y/N.”

You took a breath before opening up your mouth to finally respond.

“Baby. I’m so--”

Rin cut you off.

“Who do you want to fuck, me or him?”

Without missing a beat you responded,

“You.”

Rin shoved his phone into the pocket of his jacket and took your hand. He guided you into the bedroom and threw you on the bed. Rin placed his phone on the nightstand and began to remove his own clothing. With his jacket, shirt, and pants free he only remained in his boxers. Finally, his broad figure hovered your own. Rin took his hand and gently placed it around your neck. His fingers were delicate against your skin but you knew it wouldn’t remain that way for long.

“Who does this body belong to?” He asked, his delicate fingers turned into a grip.

“It b-belongs to you -- Rin.”

The grip he earned felt tighter but the sensation was pleasurable. You felt the heat in your core rise. Rin had a dark expression but his eyes told another story. He was looking forward to pleasuring you even though he was still consumed by his jealousy. Rin lowered his frame closer towards yours and as he did you felt his hardened length press against the inner of your thigh, sending a jolt of adrenaline to surge through your veins. He placed a kiss on your lips and it was gentle, loving despite what the tone of the situation implied. Despite it all his kisses were always filled with so much warmth and care. He loved you, so much.

“And what would you like me to do with your body, Y/N?”

“Anything.”

He repeated, “anything?”

You nodded your head. The grip he earned around your throat loosened. He kissed your lips once more and he began to trail his kisses lower. He took extra time around your neck making sure to leave tender kisses where his fingers dug into your skin. As he continued his task soft moans flew out of your lips which Rin loved to hear. As he kissed lower and lower it was almost like he had memorized the parts of your body that felt the most pleasure. In those places, he opened his both and gently bit your skin. The painful yet pleasurable act always left little marks, little marks you loved to trace over the next day.

“This isn’t one of those fancy bras,” Rin noted with his fingers looped between the straps.

You nodded your head. “I don’t wear lingerie every day, Rin.”

“Well. You should. For me anyway.”

Rin lowered the straps to your bra before opting to shove the cups down instead.

“Better yet you should just stop wearing one... for me though. Me only.”

“Of course only you. Always for you.”

It was the reassurance of your words that caused Rin to look up at you. He smirked,

“Don’t think your cute words are going to let you off the hook so easy.”

Rin kissed the middle of your chest before taking his mouth around one of your nipples. With his tongue, he lapped circles around the sensitive bud. The pleasure from that alone caused your hips to buck forward. You felt his hard cock against your clothed cunt. Rin stopped his movements and shoved your hips back down into the mattress. He grunted in distress.

“You said I was the one with perverted thoughts. Yet with just a little bit of fondling your body is already begging for my cock. Do you want me to fuck you, fuck you so hard that you forget about any other guy?”

You blushed at his remark feeling embarrassed at how eager you were for him. You watched as his eyes trailed down to view the wet spot between your legs. Out of embarrassment, you closed them. Rin sat on his knees and he tore your legs open.

“Such a fucking whore.” He muttered underneath a breath.

“You have such a lewd body. You’re begging me to fuck you and I’ve barely enough touched you.”

He shook his head at you. “Take off your panties for me.”

Without any hesitation, you completed the task. You took off your panties and threw them aside.

“Open your pussy wide for me.”

You’re hesitant. Rin didn’t like your hesitance.

“Oya, oya?”

Rin arched an eyebrow.

“Don’t act shy. Open your pussy for me.”

You brought your knees up and opened your legs wide. With your hands, you opened the folds of your pussy to expose yourself to him. Rin was smiling widely. His eyes were hungry to consume you whole.

“Look how wet you are. Just for me?”

With two fingers Rin gently rubbed your clit. Because you were so eager to be pleasured, the moan you gave was louder than you had anticipated. You bit your tongue but Rin quickly encouraged you to moan to your heart's content.

“You can be a whore. It’s fine.”

It was his weird way of humiliating you and from the looks of it he wasn’t going to stop just there.

He entered both his fingers inside you.

“You welcomed me in without any issue.” His fingers began to thrust in and out of you at a miserably low speed. You kicked your legs and whined at the torturous experience.

“Baby, I can’t have you cum from just my fingers.” He leveled with you.

“Then give me more.” You spoke out of turn but your request intrigued Rin.

“More? What do you want?”

“You.”

“You’ll have to be more specific, babe.”

You clicked your tongue and with an exhale you admitted what you truly desired.

“Your cock.”

“Where do you want it? I can put in several locations.”

His fingers were still within you and with each question, he asked he moved his fingers either further inside you or thrust them in and out. If that wasn’t enough, he used this thumb to gently brush against your clit.

“Inside -- me. Inside my pussy. Please, Daddy.”

Daddy. You’d never used that word before. And it was like something inside of Rin clicked. He removed his fingers from inside you and licked them clean. He returned to hovering above you. He looked down at you with lust-filled eyes. “What did you just call me?”

“Daddy.”

“Do you want daddy’s cock to fill your tiny little pussy?”

You nodded your head eagerly and given that Rin was so turned on from his newfound nickname he was done with his teasing. He removed his boxers and from out sprung his thick cock. The impressive length he had was throbbing and glistening with his precum. You moaned at the sight.

He held his cock in his hands and prevented himself from stroking it. Every ounce of pleasure he wanted would be from what he gave you. He aligned the tip of his cock against the folds of your pussy. He circled the tip around your clit and you pressed your head further into the pillow. Without warning, Rin entered inside of you causing you to grasp at the sheets under you. Once he fully entered he realized he had done so raw. You were now on the pill so neither of you thought twice about the action.

“It feels different raw, doesn’t it?”

He admired how his cock was fully inside you and he continued to watch as he began to thrust. As always his thrusts, to begin with, were slow. He liked to admire how his cock thrust in and out of your pussy. He finally gave you the benefit of eye contact and you put on a show for him. The pleasurable experience of his cock finally inside you caused your face to change in order to reflect the amount of pleasure you were receiving from Rin.

With his hips moving in and out of you at a rhythmic pace he brought his hand up to grasp your neck once more. With his thumb he placed it in the middle of your lips,

“Open your mouth for daddy.”

You did as instructed and began to suck on his thumb imagining if it was his cock instead. You looked at him through half-lidded eyes that were somewhat teary from the mix of pain and pleasure you felt with his large length inside of you.

“Do you wish that was a cock?”

You held his wrist and nodded fervently.

“Maybe I should call Sousuke and ask him to come and shove his cock in your mouth. Maybe that would finally make you shut the fuck up about how I have perverted thoughts.”

Rin continued to thrust in and out of you he didn’t want you to speak. He was fully in control of your pleasure as well as his own.

With his free hand, he reached over to grab his phone that he left on the nightstand. It wasn’t unusual for him to take pictures of you but provided the context you wondered what he was up to.

“I have to take a picture of your face baby. Yo--You’re taking daddy’s cock so well. I h-have to.” His thrusting is scattered and you aren’t entirely sure if he’s going to pleasure you from his cock alone. He was such a tease especially in his jealous state, he could just leave you there. You wrapped your legs around his waist and started to thrust into him as well. Your moans grew louder and louder. Rin laughed in pleasure.

With the phone still in his hands, you took advantage of the situation,

“Are you going to take a picture of me, daddy? Huh? Are you going to show everyone how good you fuck me?”

Rin groaned loudly himself his hands shaking at the immense pleasure he felt from you thrusting alongside him.

“F-fuck you’re such a fucking whor-whore.”

He’s panting and you clenched around him causing him to further fall down the spiral of his ecstasy. He threw his phone elsewhere and grabbed your legs. He removed them from around his waist and held them open wide.

You sobbed at the action as his cock was thrusting deeper inside you and hitting the spongey spot that brought you the utmost pleasure. You felt his entire length thrust inside of you and just sit inside the pit of your stomach. With his large hands forcing your hips into the mattress it was impossible to move. You were chained to him and so desperate to reach your state of euphoria.

“Do you like that. Huh? You’re clenching. Mmmm---fuck Y/N!”

Rin began to move faster in and out of you.

“Daddy’s cock is deep inside your pussy, you love it don’t you? You little fucking slut. You just --- just love daddy’s cock filling your pussy up with his cum.”

He then takes both of your legs and swings them over his shoulders. Your hips hovered above the mattress and the pleasure you felt was immense. The sound of your flesh slapping against his alongside your loud, nearly screaming moans filled the room. Without warning him you clenched around his throbbing cock and reached your peak. As you did something inside you snapped, you squirted around his cock, and the second you did you felt the thick spurts of his hot cum coat the inside of your pussy.

His body went limp and came crashing down to lay on the bed next to you. Rin had his face flat on the pillow, he was breathing heavy and as were you. You laid with your hand on your stomach feeling oddly full but empty at the same time. You touched your pussy but it was so sensitive from the pleasure you twitched at a simple graze.

You turned your head to Rin your body was too weak to fully face him. Rin turned his head as well and looked at you. The two of you chuckled,

“That was amazing,” Rin said.

With a weak, tired voice you asked. “Are you still mad at me?”

With whatever strength he had left Rin came closer towards you and kissed you.

“Call me daddy again.”

“--- Daddy.”

Rin kissed you.

“Nope. Not mad.”

#rin x reader #rin matsuoka x reader #free x reader #rin matsuoka x y/n #rin x y/n #free x y/n #rin matsuoka #free! dive into the future #free! take your marks #free! smut #nsfw.#rm.#tm.#free.#Anonymous

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darkdevasofdestruction · 4 years

Text

When You Become A Fallen

(( This premise is about reader being one of the Seraphim, and she was/fell in love with one of the brothers, which made God shun her from the Celestial Realm, and thus, how each of the brothers helps her through her transformations to a Demon and her new lifestyle. ))

---

LUCIFER

Quite frankly, he took it the hardest, as he too was a Seraph back in the days, God’s most beloved angel, and the descend changed him a lot, even if he doesn’t want to admit.

When he saw your broken form on the ground, he cradled your body close to his chest, feeling fear and panic just as when Lilith almost died, so he went to plead to Diavolo to allow you permanent stay in the Devildom as well, saying that he’ll do anything for this favour, just like before.

Centuries passed since he descended, and while he still has nightmares of what happened, the pain and transformation were something that he forced himself to forget, at least for his own pride and ego, but seeing you in such excruciating pain was an even worse torture than before.

He knew there was little he or anyone else could do regarding all this, but he will be there by your side for the whole duration of it, no matter how long it took, be it days, weeks or months, he wouldn’t be pried away from you.

For the most of the day, Lucifer had you sit on his lap, both of you wearing light sleeping wear, so you could feel each other’s body heat, thinking it would help ease the pain, even by a little.

However, as soon as your 3 pairs of majestic, pure white wings started blankening, while one of the pairs also started burning, feather by feather, you became unreasonable, as you couldn’t even think or speak properly because of the agony surging through your every artery, vein, capillary and nerve in your body.

You were desperately clinging to him, scratching his back and arms, screeching for forgiveness, begging him to kill you already and end this pain, questioning what you did wrong, except have pure and unwavering feelings of love for someone, and all Lucifer could do was hold you tightly, a had on the back of your head, putting your face on the crook of his neck, while the other was on your back, putting you glued to his chest, trying to keep you still and potentially causing yourself more damage.

“WHY, GOD, WHY?! WHAT HAVE I DONE SO WRONG TO FALL OUT OF YOUR GRACES?! IS IT REALLY FORBIDDEN TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND FEELINGS?! CURSE YOU! CURSE THE CELESTIAL REALM! CURSE ALL YOUR FUCKING ANGELS! YOU ARE A MONSTERS!” you kept crying out, cursing the skies, and Lucifer, in his head and heart, was yelling the same thing as you were.

His own heart was crying out in despair seeing his beloved like that, and for the first time since Lilith, he shed tears of pure sorrow, cursing God, the Celeastial Realm and all the angels there, and more, cursing himself for allowing both of them to become lovers back when they were angels, because his act of rebelling against God only brought you intense suffering.

There is nothing Lucifer wouldn’t do for you, no matter how impossible it seemed, but you are the only person he ever had such a connection with, so he treasures you as much as his own brothers.

He knows how difficult it was for him to completely accept he was a Demon and blend in to this new place, but he will be there for you to guide and teach you with every step you took, always holding you hand, always giving you genuine and tender smiles to help you feel more at ease, and of course, he will make sure you room with him so you won’t ever be alone and afraid again.

---

MAMMON

He freaks out so bad at first, questioning you out loud a thousand questions, while fidgeting from leg to leg and looking around for help.

Why were you here? Why were you injured? What happened? Are you alright?

Of course you weren’t alright, damn it! Stupid Mammon! Do something!

He picked you up and brought you to Lucifer, crying desperately and asking what the hell he was supposed to do, because he had no idea what the hell happened and why you were the way you are, and for the first time in ages, Lucifer didn’t yell at him, nor did he insult him - He actually helped him as much as he could, because he knew what was going on, and his heart broke at seeing his beloved little brother crying like that.

In his room, you wouldn’t stop crying and holding your head - You had migraines, your scalp was burning, your whole skin felt ablaze, you felt akin to a witch being burnt alive, and poor Mammon was crying along with you, not knowing if he should touch you, in fear of hurting you more, or holding you tightly and letting you cry away everything that hurt.

Mammon tried to kiss your tears away, put on music to help you keep your mind away from the pain, tried to tell you silly stories from his failed plans, or from his brothers to make you laugh, but in the end, nothing really helped, and he felt that the sky fell on him.

That is, until he turned away from you, gripping his hair in despair as he was running out of ideas to help you and his heart was being ripped apart more and more...But you gripped on his jacket and pulled him in a tight embrace from the back, resting your forehead on the blades of his shoulders, making him stop dead in his track, stiff as a board.

“Mammon, it hurts...Mammon, don’t leave me, please...Please keep on staying me me. Don’t leave me again. I missed you so much...So much that I didn’t even realise that the whole Celestial Realm knew I was in love with you ever since you were an angel...Everyone knew, except for me...But I missed you so much...And they said it’s forbidden. But I can’t live without you.” you sobbed, your fingers and nails digging into his chest as you confessed your sin and the reason you got in this position, which frankly, it made Mammon feel both guilty and even more head over heels with you.

Honestly, nobody ever expressed their feelings to him the way you did, unless it was Stupid Mammon left and right...But you...You were being so genuine and pure...You were real...You loved him...And now there was no barrier between you two...

He cursed himself for being happy with what happened, despite your agony, but he was a greedy man, and he craved your affection more than flowers need the Sun, so he continued to try to put a smile on your face and make the transformation easier to bear with.

Realising that your horns were beginning to grow, he transformed into his demon self and taking your hands in his gingerly, he put them over his own horns, reassuring you that everything will be okay, that they will grow pretty fast and all the agony will go away soon.

When the transformation was done, he was extremely overprotective of you becoming a student at RAD, dragging you with him everywhere, but he tried to be more responsible this time, as he had to take care of you and he couldn’t risk some angry witches or other demons attacking you to get to him.

--- LEVIATHAN

Kinda like Mammon, he was panicked beyond belief, not understanding how the hell did you get yourself in that position, but instead of freaking out, he kinda looked at you, stunned, unmoving, until he finally managed to snap out of it and carried you to his room, while calling Lucifer and telling him the gist of it.

Levi knew that his room was incredibly aesthetic and relaxing, having an aquatic theme, so hopefully, it will help you bear with the transformation and adaptation to this new life-style easier, and hopefully, not have any problems with blending in, especially since he will be there for you at every step you took.

And if that wasn’t enough, since Levi barely leaves the room, he would shelter you like a mother would her little baby, coddling you, wrapping his tail around you protectively, helping you take slightly cold baths to get rid of the burning and itching sensation of your horns and wings transforming, and showing you Henry 2.0 and promising you that he will be your best friend too.

However, the transformation for you wasn’t as bad as the spiraling and paranoia that seemed to completely engulf you, which made you quite hysterical for a while, and no amount of video games and anime could prepare Levi for this mess.

“Levi, what if they come after me? What if they aren’t happy with me being alive? What if they take me back and try to torture me to death? I don’t want back there again...Levi, I’m afraid, please protect me.” you clutched his blouse while sobbing in his shoulder, and all he could do was hold you tightly and promise you that everything will be okay and he would let nobody touch you again.

He would then start telling you about TSL and how The Lord of Shadows will always be there to protect his Henry, which is when you asked him if he would be your Lord of Shadows, and his face started blushing like crazy, and he vowed to himself that you, his most precious person, will never ever have to feel any kind of pain ever again, and he will be there for you no matter what.

Levi understands what’s like being afraid, nervous, anxious, which is something he often feels himself, and thus, the reason for preferring to take online classes rather than going physically to a classroom, which is something that he will ask for for you too, and thankfully, Lucifer approves of it, understanding the situation.

His hectic sleeping schedule is always messed up by his love for binge-watching and binge-playing, something you often partake into as a way to keep the intrusive thoughts away from your head, and it is rather effective.

However, on the occasions that you’re having a mental breakdown and start spiraling once again, no matter what hour of the day or night it is, Levi will be there to tell you how he loves you, how you’re safe with him, that nobody would ever dare cross Diavolo’s rules on his own domain, and that those angels up there were shitheads for prosecuting you for something as pure as loving someone.

--- SATAN

Out of all the demon brothers, he is obviously the only one who didn’t have to go through the whole metamorphosis ritual, because he never was an angel to begin with.

He knows, however, the excruciating pain that you’re going through, as him and Lucifer share some of the more powerful emotions and memories he used to have, and so, he has an idea, backing up all the stories he heard from 3rd parties, from his brothers and from books.

Satan will make all of his brothers send him thorough voice messages to explain what they went through and how he could help you, and thus, he would be pampering and taking care of you every second, without a second thought.

He couldn’t believe that you truly fell for him after just one year of spending time together, during the exchange-student program, when you came to Devildom...I mean, he was a demon, and while yes, he too fell for you, he was in shock hearing that such a pure and perfect being such as yourself would ever harbour such feelings for him, a demon, and the Avatar of Wrath nonetheless...

“Satan...Why...Why is it such a sin to fall in love? What have I done so cruel...So unforgivable...That I deserve to go through all this pain...All this agony...All I wanted was to be happy...Is that so selfish of me to ask? Am I not allowed to live the rest of my life with someone that I genuinely cherish so much...?” she cried with so much self-hatred that it made Satan want to burn the whole Celestial Realm and torture and rip apart every feather, every limb of those stupid angels and flay them alive, letting the lesser demons eat them.

The pain you’re being subjected to is exhausting you so much, but if you stand still, it feels like it’s hurting tenfold, so you try to keep yourself moving around the room, until you collapse from over-exerting your already frail body.

Satan would only look at you in pity, as he tried to hide the burning rage he harboured in his heart, along with all the death-threats he wanted to throw away at God and all the stupid angels who dared do this to you, so he picks you up gently, putting you on his bed, puts a light blanket over you and goes to prepare a cup of calming tea that has somnolent effects, hoping that it would help you heal faster and regain some of your strength through resting.

He would hold you close to his chest, kissing your forehead, stroking your hair, trying to keep you drowsy and calm, while also reading you one very interesting book, Harrison Porter, as it had lots of magic spells and he could show you the spells, to fascinate you, and try to keep your thoughts away from the pain.

Of course, he would be researching all remedies, spells and treatments to help ease the pain, so he would be rubbing creams with and lotions on your back and on your wings, to calm down the pain, would put spells on you to give you sweet dreams every night, and would always hold you tightly and promise you that nobody would ever come with any ill-intent towards you, and that he would kill anyone who dares even look at you the wrong way.

Since he has always been a demon, he is very popular and sociable, so blending in would be much easier with him by your side, as he would take you as his date everywhere - Be it a sports game, a theater play, an opera play, a ballet, a social gathering, a ballroom dance, a drive-outside cinema, or colour festival, a concert...Or literally anything.

---

ASMODEUS

No matter how dramatic and extra Asmo loves to be, this was no joking matter, and the person he knew he could always rely on, and that was his eldest brother, Lucifer, the only being that he ever looked up to, that he ever admired - Lucifer, the one who used to be a Seraph, just like you.

He wanted to understand what Lucifer went through, because sure, Asmo knew the physical transformations his brother went through, but he couldn’t know of the emotional trauma, or how different it was for him, as he was, after all, the highest-ranking angel in the Celestial Realm.

He then correlated with how disgusted he remembered both himself and Lucifer felt when looking into the mirror and realising they weren’t the divine beings from before, but a wretched abomination, and how long it took them to come to terms with the idea, and finally try to find the specks of beauty that others saw in them, despite the changes.

It was true, you went through a lot of pain, exhaustion, mental breakdowns, trauma, all because of how agonising the transformation was, and Asmo was there for you to brighten up and ease you through everything, not wanting you to be alone, like they were, so seeing his gorgeous and loving smile always seemed to make the corners of your mouth tilt upwards, even by a little bit.

Asmo would cuddle you and pamper you with an infinite amount of kisses, and of course, would give you frequent back rubs, wing massages, scalp massages, knowing that those were the most painful and affected areas, and thankfully enough, all the beauty products he used on you were cool and had calming and painkilling effects, so at least was better for you.

When it was all over, however, the horror didn’t end, as you saw yourself in the mirror and fell to your knees shrieking at your new appearance...That wasn’t you...It couldn’t be you...This...This abomination...This tainted thing...

Your desperation and self-hatred were so through the roof that you punched the mirror and clutched the shards in your hands, not even feeling any pain, because everything was ablaze anyway, and not even your tears could pull out the fire inside you.

Asmo was devastated seeing you like this, it made him want to sob, to pull you to his chest and cry out, telling him how he hates seeing you like this, that you remind him of himself, that deep inside him, despite all the narcissism he puts on display, he is also still a bit insecure and wishes he had the same appearance as before...But what hurt him the most was seeing you hating yourself so much, and having ended up like him, just because your heart chose the wrong person to have such intense feelings for.

“This is not me...This can’t be me...Asmodeus, what the hell is wrong with your mirror, it’s broken...It’s cursed...This isn’t me, this isn’t how I look...It can’t be...My wings...My feathers...They are all black...And these horns...And this gem...And the markings...This new outfit...What is this...Why...Why me...Why...?! Why am I being cursed for being in love?! Is this how ugly, tainted and abominable my soul is?! Is that why I look like this?! Is that WHY I became this?!” you tore away at your hair, as Asmo could only fix the mirror quickly, to avoid you getting more injured, and cradled your smaller form to his chest, whispering reassuring words and compliments.

He would do all his beauty routines with you, would compliment you endlessly, would make you try out a thousand and more outfits that he bought for you, showing you off, taking pics of you and boasting with you on DevilGram, since you’re the most gorgeous babe alive and he’s lucky to have you in his life, and now, you and him are the most beautiful couple ever to exist, without a doubt.

He would never tell you all the emotional trauma and self-hatred he went through, because as long as he could make you smile and help teach you how to love yourself again, and see the beauty in your new appearance, Asmodeus was happy and didn’t need anything else.

--- BEELZEBUB

For poor Beel, this was the whole Lilith problem all over again, blaming and hating himself for letting her die (sort of), and now, here you were, a Fallen, broken, lost, depressed, all because you loved him, and he loved you, but he rebelled and now you were caught in the crossfire.

No matter how kind and sweet he is, this is the second time the Celestial Realm crushed his heart and stomped on his feelings, hurting the people he loves most, and this was too much...He would never be able to forgive them, no matter what...And especially not his Father for being so cruel with the angels that loved him so much and were beyond devout to him.

For him, the changes weren’t as painful, and that may be because of his built, and how he finds it easier to deal with physical pain, rather than the emotional one, as he feels like he’s getting blow after blow in that aspect, but he must be strong, for you, for Belphie, for Lilith and for his brothers too.

Beel knows he’s very physically strong, even by demon standards, so he will be a bit afraid at the beginning to touch you, fearing that he will make you hurt more than you already do, but as soon as you nestle yourself in his embrace, he can’t help himself and he puts his arms around you, making you feel safer, protected, and you can deal the agony better, even by a bit.

If he could, he would take away all the pain that you’re feeling, he would go through all that agony a thousands times, just so he could spare you all this pain, he would volunteer to get his wings burnt, grow a new set of horns, would even let himself go through all the paranoia, the nightmares, the burning feeling of your skin...Even the incapacity to eat demon food...Only to spare you of all that horror...

But that wasn’t possible, unfortunately, so all he could do was stay by your side through all of it and try to make it more bearable, because, after all, he still had Belphie, so he wasn’t alone, and neither will you be.

He completely forgot how, at the beginning, for quite a long time, his body refused to digest demon food, so he would get sick and vomit every time he would try to eat something, but was quickly reminded when you made a sprint to the bathroom and he could only hold your hair as you puked your guts out, crying at the pain.

“Why do I have to go through this...God...Why...The wings...The horns...And now, I can’t even eat? Am I supposed to just starve to death...? Is that what you want, Father? Is this the Divine Punishment I get for wanting my loved ones to be safe? That I wanted to see you and tell you how much I care for you, because I never got the chance when you were still an angel? Is that how angels should really be? Hateful of others? Then I’m glad I don’t have to associate myself with such cruel creatures like you, Father!” you growled in anger, frustration, pain, hatred and agony, letting out all your feelings that have been bottled up for so many centuries, but at least now, Beel was there to hold you tight and tell you that everything will be okay, and you still have him.

He would completely stop eating around you, because despite being the Avatar of Gluttony, he couldn’t possibly tempt you with food and make you feel worse, so every so often, he would bring you some light human food, like crackers, water, milk, some vegetables, toast, to help you get some nutrients for your body, so you won’t collapse, at least, even though it was obvious you were becoming paler and skinnier, which worried Beel a lot.

Even so, Beel was always by your side, carrying you if you felt weak at some moment, helping you eat bit by beat, making sure you get a healthy portions, and just the right foods, integrating some little bits of demon food, and before you knew it, you were completely able to have a proper demon meal, and were getting better.

From then on, you will always sleep in his bed, either cuddling or holding hands, because both of you are afraid of losing the other, of having through go through all that torture again, but at least the day was much brighter and you could inally go out together and live your life as a normal student in Devildom would.

--- BELPHEGOR

The Avatar of Sloth has so much pent up rage and hatred, that he may need to take over the title of Avatar of Wrath before long.

First, hating the whole human world, because of Lilith’s death, hating demons because of the misunderstanding with Diavolo and Lucifer, and now, wanting to burn and torture to death the whole Celestial Realm for shunning you like that, letting you to rot, broken, on the ground, as if you were worth less than a vermin.

It took every ounce of self-control Belphegor had to stop himself from unleashing his hatred on the world, and get you to his room to tend to you, hoping and doing his best to make sure you are alright.

He is going to force Beel to keep him awake, because, due to his Avatar Sin, he is prone to falling asleep quite easily, which would only be counter-productive and he wouldn’t be able to sooth your pain and fears this way, so he’s going to sacrifice days and nights of sleep just to make sure you’re not crying anymore.

No matter how harsh his speech is, it does a complete 180 when it comes to you, he will speak in the softest voice possible, would look at you with the most tender look on his face, would give you lost of reassuring gentle kisses, would stroke your hair soothingly, while also humming an old lullaby that Lilith used to sing to him, and would brush away the hair from your face, to see your gorgeous eyes sparkling.

He hates seeing you in so much pain, but every time he curses the angels in his head, he’s just going to hug you tighter, as a way to stop himself from crying at your misfortune, because you’re too pure and kind, you don’t deserve to go through all this pain, it’s just not fair...

What was worse is that, after all this physical mess ended, the emotional and mental one only began, as you weren’t able to get a wink of sleep, because of all the nightmares plaguing your mind all the time, waking you up, making you cry and scream, tremble in fear and anxiety, while all Belphie could do was to hug you tightly, turn on the light, and tell you the same generic reassuring words because...What else was there for him to even say anymore?!

“I’m scared, Belphie, I’m scared...I’m afraid that if I fall asleep, I’m just going to get more nightmares, and maybe I won’t even wake up after that. I’m afraid that if I wake up, you will be taken away from me...Or that they will drag me back to the Celestial Realm to torture me for treason...I’m afraid I’ll have to go through all that over and over and over again...Belphie, I’m exhausted, I’m losing my mind...I just want to have one fucking night of proper sleep...Just one...Is that too much to ask? Am I really that undeserving of feeling rested, just because I fell in love? Is that how things are for those perfect frauds up there?!” you sobbed, clinging on Belphie, as he could only curse them together with you, giving you approving words, and cuddling with you, you try to fall asleep on his cow-patterned pillow, lights still on, drinking a cup of hot milk with honey, thanks to Beel who went to prepare some for the both of you.

Even for him, who has been a demon for so long, nightmares never ended, but at least they weren’t as frequent as yours, so to help you out, even by a bit, he started looking around for remedies, spells, drinks, to get you into a deep sleep with no dreams, at least for now, to help you regain even a bit of your strength back and not be a zombie anymore.

Belphie would get incredibly passive-aggressive and protective of you, growling at anyone that may be considered a threat to you, that approaches you, and wouldn’t let you alone for even a second, in fear of somehow losing you - You’re either with him, or with one of his brothers, or in yours or his room, and frankly, you’re happy knowing that you can finally feel a sense of security after so long.

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acertainsomeone · 3 years

Text

Surrendered-EdSer OS

Eda did not know what she was doing, or why she was doing it. This was the first time in 25 years of her life that she had felt defeated and helpless. Caught in a series of unfortunate circumstances, and life’s treacherous ploughs, she was once again left alone. Her parent's untimely death had left scars on her soul, she could not escape the demons of her past. When Serkan entered her life, she believed that life would be easier. She will finally have someone, who will help her to breathe in the confines of a dark, closed room.

Little did she know, life does not work according to our beliefs. Destiny had plans for her, thrilling yet gruesome. She had imagined getting graduated, with a degree in landscape architect with hope and happiness in eyes. She did graduate, but there was nothing instead of anguish, and loneliness in her eyes.

Not even in her wildest dreams she had imagined to lose Serkan, her first true love. She was so used to be pampered by his love and affection that for once not being on the receiving end broke her into pieces.

It had been eight months since that fateful day. They heard that his plane went missing, they were supposed to get married. Once she had waited for her parents to come and take her away, but they never came back. This time she waited for Serkan to come and make her his lawful wife but he never.

If this trauma wasn’t enough already, she was met by another volcano that hit her so hard that she couldn’t believe she had managed to survive that pain.

He forgot her.

He didn’t have any memories of her.

He hated her.

Serkan Bolat was no longer her Robot Bolat.

After his arrival to Art Life, Eda had imagined it would be difficult to revive those memories he had forgotten but she hadn’t imagined that it would be nearly impossible to win back his love. It was as if he had returned with a stone instead of heart.

Her numerous attempts, pleadings, actions, could not move him. She wondered what was missing that he could not see her as his soulmate anymore.

She tried and tried and one fine day, Eda gave up, for his sake. It took a great deal of courage for her to accept the fact that he was not in love with her, and he won’t fall for her again. It was useless to torment him with her forceful behavior.

He wanted the holding. Of course

It was exactly why he had borne her existence around him for six months otherwise, he would have kicked her out of his life the moment he back to Art Life that day.

Yes, she was giving up on love. Not because she was a coward but because she was selfless, and she chose his happiness over hers. His happiness lied with his work and Selin.

Selin was his logical decision. She was the one, who fitted his lifestyle.

After the failure of her attempts, Eda decided to accept the job proposal from a renowned architect company in Paris, Alcmea.

She had been disregarding it for his sake but eventually Eda decided that it was meant for her. She was longer meant for Serkan or Istanbul. She had to leave for his peace and her sanity. There was no point of living in Istanbul after selling her shares to Serkan, there was no point of breathing the same air after losing him to Selin.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One last time

She breathed nervously, wearing her silver earrings gifted by Aydan Bolat herself as a graduation present. Ferit and Ceren had thrown her a part before her farewell party, there was no excuse to avoid for otherwise they all would have thought that she is leaving with a sad heart.

Not that they were believing her otherwise.

She had to wear the mask of a jubilated Eda, who finally got the chance to work abroad, and make her dreams come true. She had a long way to go and Eda had decided that she won’t allow her failed love story to come in the way of her career. That’s something she was assertive of.

Clad in a long black evening gown, she looked breathtaking like always.

Yet he won’t notice. Neither her dress nor the charm bracelet she was wearing tonight. Not as a hope but as a way to get rid of some memories.

If she had decided to move on, and leave everything behind, she had to let go.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Eda arrived late at the party; it was her way to avoid him. She wanted to meet everyone one last time for few minutes and leave as soon as possible.

He was looking for someone, her heart did not skip a beat because it wasn’t her. His eyes immediately caught Selin’s and she could tell his eyes only searched her.

Ferit announced everyone to get on the floor with their respective partners for a dance. Well, she didn’t have one so he offered her his hand immediately. Probably to save her from the embarrassment.

“You don’t have to, I’m fine.” She muttered shyly.

“Oh, come on! By the way, I wasn’t going to invite Selin, Ceren insisted because then it would’ve been odd.”

“That wouldn’t have changed anything! There’s no way he’s coming back even if Selin isn’t around.”

“He’s brainwashed by her Eda-”

Eda cut him off immediately, “Don’t- Ferit please Don’t. Have you brought the ring? Ceren is anticipating the proposal, if you’re late this time she will probably fly to Paris with me.” She joked, hiding the pain behind her eyes.

“All’s set. It will be soon, and you’ll be the first person to hear about it.” He winked and twirled her.

He caught her.

She was in his arms just like old times.

Breathe Eda. Not Anymore.

She held her head high in defiance, acting unaffected by his touch. She didn’t blame him for anything. It did hurt her though that he didn’t keep his promise of falling in love with her hundred times.

He had said that if he was born a hundred times, he will fall for her. He couldn’t live up to his words in the same life. Yet, she had no complaints, she accepted this as destiny’s decision and decided to remain determine in her stance.

She was acting good enough, not even for a second he could feel her nervousness or accelerated heartbeat.

She remained silent, closely following their twirling feet, and entwined hands. Acting as if perfecting this dance was the only thing she was interested.

He broke the silence by clearing his throat. “When is your flight?”

“Tonight” Her reply was simple, devoid of any emotions.

“have a safe flight Eda Yildiz.”

“Sao” She passed an awfully professional smile, avoiding to look at him in the eye. Though she could feel his gaze on her. His eyes hadn’t left her face for a second.

Why does he want now?

He placed his hands on her waist, his masculine hands perfectly fitted her petite waist like always.

Her arms were entwined around his neck securely. One last time, she wished to touch him. There were boundaries by inhaling his wood scent was more than enough.

Gladly, he pulled her closer by himself. She didn’t have to struggle. There was nothing intimate about that gesture. He was just dancing.

‘You look beautiful.’ He uttered silently. Eda knew him enough to tell that his compliment escaped his lips without taking permission from his mind.

It doesn’t matter.

“You too.”

“Beautiful? Me?” He raised his eyebrow in curiosity.

“Pardon if you don’t appreciate to be referred with a feminine adjective.” He was trying to be funny but Eda was beyond exhausted to indulge in a friendly conversation. She was not going to surrender.

‘I- I didn’t mean that.” He attempted to explain himself. “Where would you be staying in Paris?”

Eda wanted to tell him that she had chosen the apartment that he had bought for them few days before their wedding. She wanted to tell him that their apartment in Paris was waiting for them but she decided against it.

“Deniz arranged a place.” Something inside her pushed her to say that.

“His place?” He asked incredulously, tightening his grip around her waist.

“You need not to know.” She denied him simply. A part of her knew that he wasn’t affected by these childish jealousy stunts but yet her impulsive self couldn’t from being so open about it.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to ask you about it.”

He waited for her to say anything but she remained awfully quiet. He was not used to this. He was not used to her ignoring him.

Eda began to feel suffocated, the tips of his fingers were drumming against her bare back, synching with the music of piano. She had to let go or she would faint in his arms or breakdown into tears immediately.

“Excuse me.”

She distanced herself from his embrace, they hadn’t realized in the darkness of the room that they had been barely inches away from each other.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This place was special, they had their contract right at this spot, fought, expressed love, he broke up wit her here, and the last beautiful memory was, when he gifted her that charm bracelet.

She was wearing it tonight.. Of course, he hadn’t noticed that too.

Eda was staring at the stars, this was her last night in Istanbul. She didn’t plan to come back ever.

“It must be hard for you eda hanim” Her thought process was disrupted by Erdem. Their bond had strengthened over the course of eight months.

“You know very well that I have seen experienced something even harder than this Erdem.” She replied in misery but both knew that Eda was talking about something. Something that was known by him but not anyone else in that office.

“Don’t you think he should know?” Erdem said, scared of her reaction

“There is nothing he should know, as if what he knows already had made any difference”

“I always wonder if I had told fifi about my feelings in a much serious manner, she might had stayed.” Erdem sighed. This side of Erdem was only known to Eda, even she was amazed that this one existed.

“We can't stop the ones who want to leave”

“But he deserves to know- at least- about the baby” Erdem hesitated, he did not want to bring this up but considering this as her last night in Istanbul he wished she’d listen to him.

“Erdem git.” Eda looked at him surprised. Her eyes brimmed with tears and pain. She wasn’t mad at him but surprised that he chose to remind her of that night.

“I’m stupid, an absolute fool but I do know one thing that no father deserves-” He wasn’t stopping, he mustered the courage to finish his sentence.

“I’ve already burdened him with the forgotten memories of our love. I can’t make him think about a baby who died before coming to this world.” Hiding her pain behind her mask, she took a sip from her wine. Showing as if talking about this wasn’t shattering her soul into a million pieces.

“Erdem, You and leyla are the only ones who know about my miscarriage. You have kept your word till now, I expect that both of you will keep your word and continue to hide this truth from everyone.”

“Till my last breath, Eda hanim.” Erdem’s voice broke, he hugged Eda instantly. She led out a chuckle and hugged him back.

Erdem was indeed annoying but he had been there for her at a very crucial stage of her life. His support helped her through the most difficult phase of her life.

She had kept her pregnancy as a secret. She was not in the condition to come to terms with the fact herself.

It was only leyla and erdem, who knew. They were there, that night when it happened.

“I have to go.” She sniffed.

Erdem bid her goodbye and turned his back to find a stumped figure of none other than Serkan Bolat himself.

They froze.

What do you know about pain?

It never ends

What do you about healing?

It takes time

What do you know about realizations?

They arrive when it’s too late

#eda yildiz #edser #serkan bolat #sen çal kapimi #sen cal kapimi #sen çal kapımı #sen cal kapımı #turkishdizi #hande erçel #kerem bürsin #edser fic

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argumentl · 3 years

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The Freedom of Expression - Ep 36 The banning of snacks and sweet drinks displays from next to cash registers.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome. Ok, today lets get straight on with it. Joe could you please...

J: Yes, lets have a look at this news. Snack and sweet drinks displays next to cash registers banned in Berkeley, California, USA. In the university city of Berkeley, northern California, a law has been passed this week banning the sale of junk food next to cash registers in supermarkets. According to local media, this is the first of its kind in America. The law, unanimously voted for by Berkeley City council, targets cheap, unhealthy products next to cash registers which 'encourage impulse buying, and burden parents of children who want them', with the aim of promoting healthy lifestyles. Products with over 5g of added sugar or 250mg of added sodium, and drinks containg a lot of sugar or artificial sweetners have been banned from sale next to cash registers. The ban will come into effect from next March. In the city of 120,000 people it will be imposed in 25 large scale supermarkets. The progressive city Berkeley, on the outskirts of San Francisco has been taking health initiatives before now. In 2014 they imposed a tax on soft drinks, and according to a survey from last year, consumption of soft drinks had halved by 2017.

K: Its true though, the cash registers over there have so many snacks near them.

J: They do, don't they?! They are really colourful. But banning it by law is really stepping in, isn't it?

T: Yeah.

J: The supermarkets aren't stopping it through self-restraint, its been forbidden by law, so if they do it will they be penalised?

T: Yeah, wow.

J: I think this is a warning that in America this kind of health damage caused by excessive additives and sugar in food is becoming a serious problem.

K: Yeah, people just end up picking it up.

J: When im waiting in line at the supermarket, its the same in Japan...in the convenience store in Japan, I wait till the last moment and always end up picking up those little Tirol chocolate squares.

K: Oh yeh, they have those out, don't they?

J: They do! Don't those chocolates just call out to you at the last minute? I always end up buying a few.

T: I buy 'Bikkuriman'. For the sticker.

J: Oh yeh. Still?

T: I just sometimes get the feeling like I want to open it. I reminds me off old times, haha. I throw it away straight away though.

J: Kaoru, what about you?

K: I don't buy that stuff.

J: Oh, you don't?

K: No, I just buy what I was intending to buy before I went. If Im walking around the store and I see an interesting new product or something, I might buy it, but the stuff near the cash register seems more like left over produce to me.

J: Ah, close to expiring?

K: Yeh, it looks like they really want you to buy it, so they put it there. I don't really feel like picking it up.

T: Ah, I see.

K: But in supermarkets they have gum and stuff near the registers, don't they?

J: Yeah.

K: I do buy gum.

J: Ahh, yeh...Kami? What do you think?

Kami: I pick all of it up.

T: Nice, Kami.

Kami: I get tonnes. 1000yen worth.

T: Haha

Kami: Maybe 500yen, not 1000.

K: Do you like sweets, Kami?

Kami: Yeh, i do. I pick them up straight away. Um, there's often drinks on display too, right?

J: Yeah.

Kami: If there's cola or fanta, I will buy both.

T: Haha

Kami: If I go to buy tea, I will buy all that.

K: You like sweet stuff, right?

J: Yeah.

Kami: No, its not that. Its just that it all looks delicious. It makes you forget *1

T: I see, yeh.

J: In that sense, its part of the store's strategy.

T: Yeh, Kami seems like he would hate that kind of strategy, but he still falls for it.

J: Yeh, he seems like he would be opposed to it, but he still buys tonnes, right Kami?

Kami: Yeh, I really jump on the bandwagon.

K: This stuff must sell a lot.

J: Yeh, I think so. This kind of food looks visually fun, right? Colourful and stuff. Kids get pulled in by it. Like, 'I wanna eat this!'. Its pretty amazing to pass a law in this. That would be impossible in Japan, right?

T: I feel like Japan has more freedom. I had the image since I was small that America is the country of freedom, but recently if you look at America, there is ban after ban...it seems like life there is getting more restricted. And in Japan, even with covid we can still go outside, or go to restaurants and stuff. It made me think Japan is quite free. Its a weird feeling.

J: Ahh, the rules in America are stricter?

K: Overseas, they were quite strict about indoors. Japan is only just getting like that recently, right?

J: Yeh, America was a lot quicker to regulate indoor smoking.

T: Its like that with alcohol too. When one of my best friends was in America during his student days, he once wore a Budweiser tshirt and he was told, 'Its illegal', and he had to change it. I thought that was pretty strict when I heard.

K: You can't carry it around with you either, can you?

J: Yeah, you have to put it in a bag.

K: I stepped outside a venue without knowing this while I was holding a beer can once, and I was told that isn't allowed.

J: Yeh, yeh, yeh. Well, it does depend on how you look at it. Its often said that in Japan, rather than having rules...well, in America there is a kind of society that is governed by rules, but in Japan its more about community, so rather than having rules, peer presure is very strong. People worry about what others think. Its very Japanese, 'other people are saying this, so...', or 'other people are doing this, so...'. People adapt themselves to that first of all.

T: I wonder which style is better?

J: Yeah. They are both different.

T: Its not nice being told by the government to stop something, is it? I understand the reasons though.

K: Well, people do protest that kind of thing.

Kami: But I think this law is good.

J: It is good.

Kami: I think its really good, because you can finish up without buying stuff.

K: Well, it is good.

Kami: Its really good. I thoroughly agree with it.

K: Kids won't pine for sweets either.

J: Yeh.

Kami: I do think its good to buy sweets for kids though.

J: Oh really?

K: Yeh, but just not there, right?

Kami: I wanted sweets when I was a kid.

K: Me too.

T: Yeh, me too.

Kami: I really wanted all those sweets by the register when I was a kid, but I never got them.

K: There are those socks full of snacks at Christmas, right? I wanted one of those.

T: Yeh, me too.

J: If you think about what made you excited as a kid, basically its the sweet shop, right?

K: Yeh, I used to go there.

J: Whenever I ate sour plums and stuff from the sweet shop, my tongue went bright red *2

K: They were crunchy, right?

J: Yeh! I would drink up all the syrup.

K: Haha.

J: I bet that would be no good under that tax in Berkeley.

T: Yeah.

K: Ahh, sweet shops...

T:???

J:???*3

K: I still feel like eating those kind of sweets sometimes.

J: Yeah. There aren't many sweet shops around these days, in the Tokyo area.

T: Yeah, there aren't.

K: But there are sections in other shops that sell those kinds of sweets.

T: A long time ago there was an izakaya in Sangenjaya that only served sweets as beer snacks.

K: Oh, there was, wasn't there?!

T: Yeh. I went a couple of times, cause its unusual, but sweets...

K: You can't withstand it?

J: After you become an adult, right? At first you are like, 'Woah, so nostalgic', but ..

T: Yeh, it gets boring.

J: You start to think halfway, 'this needs to be more tasteful!' Uh, in the precincts of Kishibojin there is apparently Japan's oldest sweet shop or something still there. Its a famous old man, or old woman who runs it.

K: I recently went to Kawagoe.

T: Oh, Little Edo!

K: Yeh, there is a sweet shop street there. The people there were amazing. Well, I mean they were all wearing yukatas and stuff, and eating.

T: Its made me want to go to a sweet shop!

J: Ah, there is a tonne of good places to eat there, isn't there?

K: Oh, is there? In Kawagoe?

J: Yeh.

K: As for sweet shops, the ones that have a downtown feeling are the best.

J: Yeah.

K: Its nostalgic, going to the sweet shop in the evening, and getting those colourful squeezy things to drink...

J: Yeh!

K: And eating sweets at the same time.

J: Which was your favourite sweet, Kaoru? From the sweet shop?

K: From the sweet shop? I liked Curry rice-crackers, and 5yen chocolate, and those gummy type things in a box, that you pick up with a little stick.

J: Oh yeh.

K: I used to eat that kinda stuff.

T: What about you, Joe?

J: I liked plum jam, I sandwiched it between those kinda soft rice-crackers. And I liked the Castella.

T: Oh yeh, they had those small ones.

J: Yeh, they were on a skewer. I used to eat them a lot.

K: Tasai?

T: I used to get those squeezy things too. And wasn't there always like a 10yen game outside sweet shops? I would win more sweets with that.

K: You won?? More sweets came out of the game?

T: It was like a 30yen ticket, right?

J, K: Ehh?

J: I never saw that.

T: Didn't you? Like, where you try to get the ball in the hole for ten yen? And if you win, you get a ticket?

K: Ah, I remember something like that where you can win, but I don't remember tickets coming out. It was little freebies. Ah, its nostalgic. Should we try going to a sweet shop on this show?

J: A sweet shop?? Should we??

K: Yeh.

T: Thats a good idea. With 100yen in change.

K: Actually, that place in Kawagoe was closed.

J: Haha, really?

K: I went all the way there, but..

J: Just for that?

K: Yeh.

J: Really?

K: Well, lets go to one on this show.

J: Yeh, lets do it! Film on location!

K: Ok, lets plan something. Lets fill ourselves with unhealthy snacks.

J: Ah, but it won't be that much.

K: Well, yeh.

J: It'll be limited to what you can get at the sweet shop.

T: Sounds good.

K: Is this ok? Us ending up talking about this?

T: Its ok, it feels good to talk about it.

J: It does, haha.

K: Ok, well, we'll finish here. Please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1, 2 Difficult to hear, but i think its this.

*3 Couldn't catch.

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

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astrognossienne · 3 years

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tragic star: keith moon

“If you don't like it, you can fuck off!” - last words of Keith Moon

This one was a long time coming, but frankly, it took me a while to get interested enough in the subject to actually do this analysis, let alone finish it. At any rate, Keith Moon, like most of the drummers from the rock ‘n’ roll period that we still read about today, led a self-destructive lifestyle. A close friend of his once said the drummer was “like a train ride you couldn’t stop.” Not only was his drumming chaotic – so was his life. According to some, he was at his core a kind and generous soul, but to others, he was lost, lonely soul, and terribly immature throughout his adult life. Perhaps it was the sudden success, upon joining the rock band The Who, when he was only 18 (although plenty of others of the same era were as young, or younger, and survived just fine), but Keith was so eager to please and make everyone laugh that he eventually became the “Moon the Loon” character that he was portrayed as in the media. It got to the point where he wasn't sure who he really was. A true Leo, he made a circus out of everything and he wouldn't walk into any room and just listen. He was an attention seeker and he had to have it. He used amphetamines, tranquilizers, drank way too much alcohol, destroyed hotel rooms and friends’ homes, threw TVs into swimming pools, set fires, and the list goes on. He was ultimately unable to outrun or outlast his demons; whether it was the wife and child he drove away, the friend and chauffeur he accidentally killed in early 1970...whatever else haunted him, it ultimately caught up with him just as he was finally trying to improve his life. Friends were well-acquainted with the many sides to Moon’s strange personality; one minute he was insulting, exaggerating, joking – the next minute he’s a wide-eyed, innocent-looking drummer boy. The public Keith Moon was The Who’s manic drummer and hellraising, daredevil comedian; a man who only ever lived in the moment. However, the real Keith Moon was a son, a brother, a father and a deeply insecure man. A man of extremes, his was a complete shitshow of a life.

Keith Moon, according to astrotheme, was a Leo sun and Cancer moon (the moon is speculative). Moon was born to working class parents in Wembley, London, England. He was a hyperactive child by nature and a mediocre student at school. His art teacher said in a report: "Retarded artistically. Idiotic in other respects". His music teacher wrote that Moon "has great ability, but must guard against a tendency to show off." At the age of 12, he had joined the Sea Cadet Corp and was given his first musical instrument, the bugle. He left school by 15 and was in his first band, The Beachcombers. While performing with the Beachcombers, he used to attend concerts of a band called The Detours. At that time The Detours were planning to sign a deal with Fontana Records and for this deal, this band required a new drummer. The Detours changed their name to The Who in 1964. When Moon learned about the band’s need for a new drummer, he approached them for an audition. After the audition, he became their new drummer, and performed with The Who for the first time in 1962.

From the moment he joined, musically the band was complete, although adding his already volatile personality to those of the other three equally headstrong members meant that the early years of the Who's career were fraught with drama and violence, despite their almost immediate success. Much of the tension came from the fact that Keith readily joined in on popping pills with guitarist Pete Townshend and bassist John Entwistle, while lead singer Roger Daltrey (with whom Keith was never particularly close) didn't. After sacking Roger for two weeks in mid-1965, he was reinstated, band relations improved, and the Who continued to release a string of successful singles and albums before a downturn in their fortunes in 1968. However, the release of the album Tommy in 1969 turned them into international megastars overnight and from that moment until the day Keith died, they would remain one of the top rock bands in the world. Running concurrently with the Who's rise to stardom in the 1960s was Keith's relationship with his wife Kim. She first met Keith in 1965 when he was 19 and she 15, and while they fell in love rather quickly, he exhibited twin streaks of jealousy and insecurity and Moon was occasionally violent towards Kim. While his mental issues, which would now be readily (and correctly) diagnosed as a combination of ADHD and BPD, reared their ugly heads on innumerable occasions, Keith's true personality shone through enough that Kim stayed with him; she decided to marry him when she became pregnant within a year of dating, and they got married in 1966. Their daughter Amanda was born on 12 July. In those days, there was a belief that married rockstars with kids weren’t as appealing to their mostly female fans, and the marriage (and child) were kept secret from the press until May 1968. He loved his daughter, but his absences due to touring and fondness for practical jokes made their relationship uneasy when she was very young. "He had no idea how to be a father", Kim said. "He was too much of a child himself."

The chaotic sixties would not hold a candle to what the new decade had in store for him, however. Shortly after New Year’s in 1970, Moon accidentally killed his friend, driver and bodyguard, Neil Boland, outside the Red Lion pub in Hatfield, Hertfordshire. Pub patrons had begun to attack his Bentley; Moon, drunk, began driving to escape them. During the fracas, he hit Boland. After an investigation, the coroner ruled Boland's death an accident; Moon, having been charged with a number of offences, received an absolute discharge. Those close to Moon said that he was haunted by Boland's death for the rest of his life. Moon had nightmares about the incident and said he had no right to be alive. Also, compounding this tragedy, was the fragile state of Moon’s marriage. Even after marriage and his daughter being born, he was still jealous, self-centered, and abusive to his wife Kim, both verbally and physically. His mental state also deteriorated as his appetite for all manner of pills escalated and he exploded into a full-blown alcoholic. Even after separating for a year, Kim returned to him, hoping that he had finally changed, but the insane lifestyle Keith kept up at their house became too much. Kim and Amanda (nicknamed “Mandy”) finally left for good in 1973. Since his marriage was a central part of Keith's life, their divorce would come to affect him perhaps more than any other event in his adult life and it was a devastation Keith would never recover from. While most people would use an event like this as the impetus to clean up their act, Keith used it instead as an excuse to drive himself further into oblivion.

Moon's lifestyle began to undermine not only his health but his career. During the 1973 Quadrophenia tour, at the Who's debut US date, Moon ingested a mixture of tranquilizers and brandy. During the concert, Moon passed out on his drum kit during the song "Won't Get Fooled Again." The band stopped playing, and a group of roadies carried Moon offstage. After he was given a shower and an injection of cortisone, he was sent back onstage. Moon passed out again during "Magic Bus," and was again removed from the stage. The band continued without him for several songs before Pete Townshend asked, "Can anyone play the drums? – I mean somebody good?" A fan in the audience, who happened to be a drummer, came up and played the rest of the show. During the opening date of the band's March 1976 US tour at the Boston Garden, Moon passed out again over his drum kit after two numbers and the show was rescheduled. By the mid-1970s Keith was living in Los Angeles and getting up to even more insanity with John Lennon, Ringo Starr, Harry Nilsson, and other stars. Even a new love in his life, Swedish model Annette Walter-Lax, couldn't get him to slow down and take control. There were even stints in psychiatric wards after some mental breakdowns brought on by his despair at losing Kim and his daughter and his drinking. His alcohol and drug abuse was now not only affecting his health (he put on a significant amount of weight at this time due to infrequent gigging) but sadly, his drumming. In 1978 soon after he recorded Who Are You, his final album with The Who, depressed by the deterioration of his drumming and threats from the rest of the Who to clean up his act or else, that he finally decided to get some help. By the summer of 1978, he seemed to be trying to get his life in order, staying sober and solidifying his relationship with Annette. He was terrified to go into rehab or under psychiatric evaluation, however, and instead self-medicated with Heminevrin, a drug used for treating acute withdrawal from alcohol. However, he took too many on his final night and sadly died on September 7, 1978 at the age of 32.

Over forty years after his death, it's still difficult to think of Keith Moon as anything more than just a hard-drinking insane rock star who would smash his drum set on stage or destroy a hotel room. But regardless of the human being behind the drumkit, the legendary drummer should be remembered as the man who forever changed the sound of rock 'n' roll.

Next, I’ll go back to my beloved star analyses by covering a personal favourite of mine; a force of nature and an unsung pioneer of cinema whose death was ridiculously sensationalized and whose colourful life was almost as wild as Moon’s: Cancer Lupe Vélez

Stats

birthdate: August 23, 1946*

*note*: due to the absence of a birth time, this analysis will be even more speculative.

major planets:

Sun: Leo

Moon: Cancer

Rising: unknown

Mercury: Leo

Venus: Libra

Mars: Libra

Midheaven: unknown

Jupiter: Libra

Saturn: Leo

Uranus: Gemini

Neptune: Libra

Pluto: Leo

Overall personality snapshot: He may sometimes have wanted a safe, simple life where he felt emotionally contained and able to pursue his own creative interests. Then, however, the compulsion to strive for a more central, leading role reared its challenging head, and he knew he had it in him – so out into the spotlight he went. So immense was his creative energy as well as his warm feeling for others that he could become both the artistic home-maker and the home-loving artist/writer/entrepreneur. His personality was large and welcoming, colourful and theatrical because he had such an uncanny knack of dramatizing his vivid impressions and selling himself in the most genuine, heartfelt way. Both the paternal and the maternal urge was strong in him. He needed to use his will to project and establish your identity in the world, and to use his instincts to nurture and protect his emotional and material security. The Sun and the Moon are in their ‘home’ signs here, so that potentially he had the creative vision of Apollo and the lunar wisdom of Diana all rolled into one. This could make him pretty overpowering at times, and indeed he needed a partner and a family on whom he could lavish his emotions. His bearing was often aristocratic, sometimes haughty, oversensitive and self-absorbed, but he always seemed to have enough affection to go around so that no one felt left out. He also managed to remain approachable and compassionate because he was so aware of his own vulnerability and need to be loved. Thus he made a warm and understanding friend, and he enjoyed expressing his feelings with original flair and thoughtfulness.

He was protective, possessive and clannish, a stalwart member of his family, group and nation, and utterly devoted to his ideals. Deeply honourable and dependable, he brought an attitude of devotion and romantic style to all he did. He may have actually had a good head for business because he possessed an instinctive knowledge of security needs as well as a shrewd understanding of people, their desires, fears and foibles. His refined taste for comfort and beauty was part of the impetus for success – he knew his own mind and did not easily budge from his preferences and high standards. Aesthetic sensitivity was strong, and combined with his innate tenacity and quiet ambition means that he was quite successful in the arts. Even though he readily turned a bright face to the world, he did not always feel confident and strong. He had a lively sense of individuality, but his potency was sometimes too dependent on emotional familiarity, and the range of his self-expression too circumscribed within repetitive emotional patterns. Inwardly he shied away from encounters with the big, bad world, and early in life he may have needed to find ways of handling challenges that normally push the panic button. This wouldn’t have been hard for him because his creative drive was tremendous and his individuality needed recognition.

He was ambitious, sound at giving orders, carried responsibility well and was a good teacher, especially able to bring out the best in children. He believed in herself and generally knew the right thing to say at the right time, although he could show a stubborn and dogmatic side. He had a high opinion of his mental powers, and it was certainly true to say that he had plenty of mental energy. He was quite sociable and expected other people to behave well at all times. He was eager for close personal relationships, so he tended to have a wide circle of friends. Self-indulgence was a problem for him, as was laziness and conceit in relationships. He tended to be impatient with superficial details, preferring large-scale situations, and he disliked being tied down by obligations over which he had little control. Conservatism may have affected his creativity, artistic values and love affairs. This expressed itself as self-imposed restrictions or as selfishness. He often felt inadequate, which created an insidious form of oppression over all his forms of expression. He could also take herself so seriously, that people think that he was older than his years.

He was part of a generation that was strongly interested in humanitarian ideals, new avenues of communication and progress in mechanical skills. As a member of this generation, he was able to bring original ideas to both his career and spare-time interests. Crises in thought and ideology arose because he looked beyond tradition and old attitudes towards new original and inventive ways of looking at things. His active mind tended to need constant stimulation and his tastes could be quite fickle and difficult to satisfy. He belonged to a time of peace-loving idealism when the family unit and the way relationships were managed underwent great changes. He could be too idealistic and a little unrealistic when it came to matters of love, sex and romance. As a member of this generation, he tended to need to be motivated to make the most of his potential, because the line of least resistance appeared very attractive, especially when it involved pleasure-seeking. He embodied the Libra Neptune generation in the sense that he was a huge part of a time when beauty reappeared in fashion. He was part of a generation which was highlighted by the clash between authoritarianism and individualism. As a member of the Leo Plutonian generation, he wanted freedom in his relationships and demanded the loyalty of his friends as a right. As a member of this generation, he wanted power over his own life and was prepared to challenge established structures. He didn’t feel comfortable being dictated to, unless he in some way agreed to it beforehand. He was a part of excesses of the sixties. He was part of a generation that brought about a revolution in forms of entertainment, recreational activities and leisure time, as well as attitudes towards children.

Love/sex life: He was a lover so in love with the idea of love that nothing else matters. At times his whole-hearted idealism made him too optimistic and too easily deceived by people who promised to fulfill his ideals and then renege but, as delicate and unworldly as his romantic fantasy may seem, it was remarkably durable. Though he may have been misused and hurt, he never lost his faith in the power of true love. Issues of the flesh were always secondary to him and he was apt not to give them much thought. If such urges must be satisfied, then so be it. If sex proved useful in reaching other goals, that was fine too. As long as sex did not intrude on his ideal of perfect love such physical inconveniences hardly mattered. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the world did not agree with him on this point and, measured by their standards, his sexual behaviour may have seemed immoral or at least strangely naïve. He needed to learn to allow for such harsh realities even as he strove to create that grand idyll of perfect love.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Gemini

Lilith: Capricorn

Juno: Libra

Chiron: Libra

Vesta: Aries

Ceres: Aquarius

Pallas: Sagittarius

His North Node in Gemini dictated that he needed to prevent his idealism from influencing his thoughts to such a high degree. He needed to consciously develop a more clear-minded and analytical approach involving his thought processes. His Lilith in Capricorn dictated that he was dangerously attracted to women who had a scrappy plucky attitude hot-wired into their psyche. Against his better judgment, he liked to be around a woman who needed to be in control and to be mistress of her own destiny, because her life was in the control of not-so-well-meaning others as a child. Juno in Libra, he sought a mate who was harmonious, artistic, musical and intelligent. He liked beauty and balance at home. He believed in equal partnerships where all lived up to the letter of the law. Chiron in Libra, he often felt wounded in relationships and could wound others in retaliation. He may have felt he was constantly hurt or rejected in relationships. Through learning that he was whole on his own, he could have freed himself from this destructive pattern. He would have benefited from a partner that could have helped him heal in some way. Vesta in Aries, he was incline to initiate work for religious and humanitarian projects. Action came from a desire to improve every situation. There was a great deal of insecurity in self-evaluation. Ceres in Aquarius, at his best, he had tact and the ability to compromise, making him well liked by all. Pallas in Sagittarius, he had the ability to evaluate true personal worth enabling him to use his resources in the most advantageous ways. Other people may think he was lucky. Ideally speaking, he could have been generally positive instead of being wasteful, and he could have been confident and reliable. Nonetheless, he still used his ideas in a practical way, especially in his career.

elemental dominance:

air

fire

He was communicative, quick and mentally agile, and he liked to stir things up. He was likely a havoc-seeker on some level. He was oriented more toward thinking than feeling. He carried information and the seeds of ideas. Out of balance, he lived in his head and could be insensitive to the feelings of others. But at his best, he helped others form connections in all spheres of their daily lives. He was dynamic and passionate, with strong leadership ability. He generated enormous warmth and vibrancy. He was exciting to be around, because he was genuinely enthusiastic and usually friendly. However, he could either be harnessed into helpful energy or flame up and cause destruction. Confident and opinionated, he was fond of declarative statements such as “I will do this” or “It’s this way.” When out of control—usually because he was bored, or hadn’t been acknowledged—he was bossy, demanding, and even tyrannical. But at his best, his confidence and vision inspired others to conquer new territory in the world, in society, and in themselves.

modality dominance:

cardinal

He was happiest when he was doing anything new, and he loved to begin new ventures. He enjoyed the challenge of claiming territory. He tended to be an initiator—and a bit territorial as well. Also, he had a tendency to start more things than she could possibly finish.

planet dominants:

Moon

Sun

Venus

He was defined by his inner world; by his emotional reactions to situations, how emotions flowed through him, motivating and compelling him—or limiting him and holding him back. He held great capacity to become a part of the whole rather than attempting to master the parts. He wanted to become whatever it was that he sought. He had vitality and creativity, as well as a strong ego and was authoritarian and powerful. He likely had strong leadership qualities, he definitely knew who he was, and he had tremendous will. He met challenges and believed in expanding his life. He was romantic, attractive and valued beauty, had an artistic instinct, and was sociable. He had an easy ability to create close personal relationships, for better or worse, and to form business partnerships.

sign dominants:

Leo

Libra

Cancer

He loved being the center of attention and often surrounded himself with admirers. He had an innate dramatic sense, and life was definitely his stage. His flamboyance and personal magnetism extended to every facet of his life. He wanted to succeed and make an impact in every situation. At his best, he was optimistic, honorable, loyal, and ambitious. He loved beauty in all its guises—art, literature, classical music, opera, mathematics, and the human body. He usually was a team player who enjoyed debate but not argument. He was, at his best, an excellent strategist and a master at the power of suggestion. Even though he was likely a courteous, amiable person, he was definitely not a pushover. He tried to use diplomacy and intelligence to get what he wanted. At first meeting, he seemed enigmatic, elusive. He needed roots, a place or even a state of mind that he could call his own. He needed a safe harbor, a refuge in which to retreat for solitude. He was generally gentle and kind, unless he was hurt. Then he could become vindictive and sharp-spoken. He was affectionate, passionate, and even possessive at times. He was intuitive and was perhaps even psychic. Experience flowed through him emotionally. He was often moody and always changeable; his interests and social circles shifted constantly. He was emotion distilled into its purest form.

Read more about him under the cut.

Keith John Moon was an English drummer who played with the English rock band the Who. He was noted for his unique style and his eccentric, often self-destructive behaviour. His drumming continues to be praised by critics and musicians. He was posthumously inducted into the Modern Drummer Hall of Fame in 1982, becoming only the second rock drummer to be chosen, and in 2011, Moon was voted the second-greatest drummer in history by a Rolling Stone readers' poll. Moon grew up in Alperton, a suburb of Wembley, in Middlesex, and took up the drums during the early 1960s. After playing with a local band, the Beachcombers, he joined the Who in 1964 before they recorded their first single. Moon remained with the band during their rise to fame, and was quickly recognised for his drumming style, which emphasised tom-toms, cymbal crashes, and drum fills. He occasionally collaborated with other musicians and later appeared in films, but considered playing in the Who his primary occupation and remained a member of the band until his death. In addition to his talent as a drummer, however, Moon developed a reputation for smashing his kit on stage and destroying hotel rooms on tour. He was fascinated by blowing up toilets with cherry bombs or dynamite, and by destroying television sets. Moon enjoyed touring and socialising, and was bored and restless when the Who were inactive. His 21st birthday party in Flint, Michigan, has been cited as a notorious example of decadent behaviour by rock groups. Moon suffered a number of setbacks during the 1970s, most notably the accidental death of chauffeur Neil Boland and the breakdown of his marriage. He became addicted to alcohol, particularly brandy and champagne, and acquired a reputation for decadence and dark humour; his nickname was "Moon the Loon." After moving to Los Angeles with personal assistant Peter "Dougal" Butler during the mid-1970s, Moon recorded his only solo album, the poorly received Two Sides of the Moon. While touring with the Who, on several occasions he passed out on stage and was hospitalised. By their final tour with him in 1976, and particularly during production of The Kids Are Alright and Who Are You, the drummer's deterioration was evident. Moon moved back to London in 1978, dying in September of that year from an overdose of Heminevrin, a drug intended to treat or prevent symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. (x)

#keith moon #leo #tragic stars #long ass post #star analyses #astrology #mine

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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 4 years

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History (JJ Maybank x reader) pt. 1

Summary: You and JJ have history together; you two were high school sweet hearts until your father decided to take a new job across the country. It is not until 8 years later you find yourself back at the island, what will happen between the two of you?

A/N: This is another short little mini series i’ve decided to start. I’ve actually had this first part in my drafts for maybe a month?? It will probably only be 3 parts but we shall see.

The Best of Me by Nicholas Sparks was the inspiration behind this new fic. I know a lot write about the younger pogues, but I decided to skip some years where they are all adults.

I hope you guys like it!! xx Please leave feedback/thoughts on this! :)

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: OPEN {CLOSED}

** Who I Write For **

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

You were high school sweethearts, but best friends since elementary school first. Inseparable even with the different lifestyle. JJ Maybank was from the poor side of the island, the cut, and you were on the rich side of the island, Figure 8. However, due to the location of your home, the two of you attended the same elementary school and that’s where you two met and became best friends. Then years later, the two of you found love with each other.

You father had signed a 10 year contract that brought his work to the Outer Banks. You were terrified of the new place, only 7 and small. You didn’t know anyone as your parents led you through the colorful hallway of the school and into your new classroom. Your hair was braided into two pig tails, a pink backpack on your back and a matching lunch box in your hand. Your new teacher introduced herself, then your parents left you in the room. As the class began to fill, a small boy took a seat next to you. The one who would soon become your best friend, your protector and later your lover.

Ten years later, the two of you would experience the most difficult decision. Your father had been offered another job and would be moving off the island and across the country. He holds you in his arms as you cry, trying not to cry himself. You’d come straight to his house after hearing the news from your father. “Don’t cry baby… it’s okay..” His arms tightened around you.

“it’s not okay! We’re moving across the country.” You pulled away to look at him, “What are we going to do? What’s going to happen to us?” Your eyes are red and puffy, tears streaming down your cheeks.

He pushes a piece of hair off your cheek and behind your ear, “I don’t know baby.”

“We can.. we can do the long distance, right?” You look up at him hopeful, “I mean we’ll talk all the time. We can skype and then I can come visit or you can come visit on the weekends.”

Both of you would be starting college soon, living separate lives. Would the two of you find time for each other? He wants you to succeed, to have fun in college. He wants you happy. He was probably never going to make anything of himself, but he knew you would. You deserved a man who could provide and give you anything you needed. Something he couldn’t give you.

“Maybe.. maybe we should just part ways.” He sadly whispers. He can see your eyes change from hopeful to sad in seconds. That was not what you expected him to say. You were hoping for a yeah of course baby. We’ll talk all the time. I’ll come visit or you can come to visit. You suddenly feel angry that he could even suggest that instead of fighting for the two of you. You pull away from him, standing up straight, “Fine.”

“I just.. y/n I want you to be happy. I want you to enjoy life and if it means I’m not a part of that then okay. It was only a suggestion.” He sighs.

You shake your head, “No I understand. This is goodbye then.”

“I don’t want to end on bad terms.” He reaches for you, but you pull away, “y/n. Come on.”

“Goodbye.” You whisper before turning around and walking out the door. That was the last time you ever spoke or even saw him again.

~ 8 years later ~

You never expected you would be standing on this ferry heading back to the place you wanted to forget. However, your parents had made their move back to the island after your father had retired a few months ago.

Your hands gripped the railing of the ferry as the dock came into view.

“You okay?”

You look up at your fiancé, Chris as he places a hand on your back.

You force a smile, nodding, “Yeah, just ready to get off the ferry is all.”

He kisses your head, “Me too. I’m in need of a nap.” He chuckles. There was a reason you were heading back to the island. In a week, you would be marrying your fiancé; the “love of your life.”

JJ Maybank points at the blueprints, showing his workers what’s going where. He’d made something of himself. He hadn’t attended college as planned. He ended up getting a job in construction and was now the owner of his own company. He had become one of the kooks. He’d come from the cut to figure 8, living a life he’d always wanted. However, he felt empty even with everything good in his life. He felt like something was missing. More like someone was missing.

“Did you hear who is back in town?” John B asked.

“We saw her in town this morning.” Pope adds, looking at JJ.

JJ takes a bite of his food. They’d arrived at the Wreck for dinner a little bit ago. It was still afloat even after all these years. Kie ended up taking over the business and opened a few more restaurants around the island. Her business was booming. She’d married a lovely woman a few years ago that helped her keep business afloat.

John B was working his own fishing boat and was making good money. He was dating the long time girlfriend, Sarah Cameron. He’d be proposing soon, just needed to find the right time.

Pope was the local coroner and married to a lovely woman he’d met in college. They were trying for a baby. Somehow everyone found their ways back to the island and instead of living life as pogues on the cut, they were living the kook life. Something neither of them ever imagined.

“Who?” JJ asks, wiping his mouth. He really had no clue, nor did he really care. It was probably one of John B’s girls from high school or some touron girl JJ had a fling with summers ago.

“Y/n.” Pope says, and it feels like JJ’s seat had been kicked out from under him. It had been 10 years since he’d seen you, since he’d let you go. He never once tried to get in touch with you. It was for your own good. He wanted the best for you and if it meant without him, he was willing to do it. It doesn’t mean he wasn’t heartbroken. He was devastated. He’d kept himself locked in John B’s spare bedroom for weeks before he finally made an appearance. Since then he’d worked himself almost to death to keep his mind occupied.

“I heard her parents moved back to the island a couple weeks ago. Her father retired.” John B adds.

JJ brushes it off like it was nothing, “Really? That’s great.”

John B and Pope exchange glances, “That’s all you have to say?” Pope asks.

JJ looks up at his friends, “What do you want me to say? I mean I broke her heart. I’ve moved on and I’m sure she has too.”

John B and Pope exchange another glance. They’d seen you had moved on, a nice-looking man on your arm.

“She’s moved on...” Pope says.

JJ acts like he’s not surprised, “Good for her. She deserves to be happy.”

“They’re getting married this week.” John B adds. “Sarah... is the one planning the wedding. Apparently, her parents are arranging everything and called Sarah’s company to plan it.”

JJ’s quiet as he takes another bite of his food. He wasn’t surprised about the fact you’d be getting married. It hurt in all honesty. The fact it wouldn’t be him standing next to you, saying I do, but he’d lost that chance years ago and it was all his fault.

“Congrats to her.” He mutters, sipping on his beer. He decides he doesn’t want to talk about you anymore and changes the subject, “Pope, how’s the lady doing at home?”

Your fiancé, Chris, holds your hand as he drives down the main road. You gaze out the window. Nothing much had changed. There were a few new stores, some of the old ones gone. You see the Wreck up ahead and smile to yourself. It was still there, even after all these years. It was your favorite place on the whole island.

Your breath hitches in your throat as you see that familiar blonde walk out of the front door. John B and Pope following behind. He throws his head back in laughter and you feel your heart is about to drop out of your chest. He still looked the same he did 8 years ago. You can’t help but let your head turn back to see him once more as Chris drives passed the restaurant.

When you arrive to your parent’s home, the place is a mess. There are people all around, carrying table and chairs, décor, and a white tent being put up in the back yard, facing the water.

You stepped out of your car and you notice a long blonde-haired woman standing in the midst of it all. That looked a lot like.. “Sarah Cameron?”

She faces you and she looks the same she did when you’d left. Of course, she did. Her eyes light up, “Y/n!” She hurries to you, clipboard in hand and pulls you into a hug.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, surprised to see her of all people. She pulls away to look at you, “Didn’t your mother tell you? She hired my company to plan your wedding.”

“Oh wow, no she didn’t mention a thing.. Well, how are you doing? Married with kids? Dating someone?” You laugh a little.

She smiles, “Me and John B are still going strong.”

“oh that’s wonderful.” You smile, “I knew you two would..”

She turns around to see someone carrying something off to the wrong place, “I’m sorry, excuse me.” She quickly rushes to them, giving them orders.

Who would have thought John B and Sarah would be the couple to make it? You’d always expected it to be you and JJ…

Obx taglist: @poguestyleskye , @alexa-playafricabytoto , @kaelyn-lobrutto24 , @prejudic3 , @turtlee-says-rawr , @outrbank , @k-k0129 , @annedub , @rockyyc77 , @ilovejjmaybank , @treestarrrrrrrr , @thedarkqueenofavalon , @write-from-the-heart , @eclecticpuppyhollywoodhumanoid , @lasnaro , @kiarasgold , @normatural , @kaylinfayezink , @lordsagittarius , @moose-squirrel-asstiel , @thelovelydreamer17 , @chasefreakinstokes , @fanficscuziranout , @diverrdown , @tregua-oca , @junkiemuppettxx , @afterglowsb-tch13 , @hardyxlove , @cinnamon-roll-seth

JJ Maybank // Rudy Pankow taglist: @thatweirdblonde , @saltwatercowb0y , @popcrone818 , @thee-sex , @coni-martina , @pm-my-hubbies , @timotaychalabae , @katiaw2 , @maybebanks , @sataninsatin , @obx-beach , @fangirlvoice , @lolitstiana , @teamnick , @danicarosaline , @losers-club6 , @bananasfromtarget , @jasminesuperstar123456789 , @fratboystark , @notmcchkn , @obx-beach

All my works tag list: @blossomreed , @mggstyles , @simonsbluee

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twisted-tales-of-all · 4 years

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Persistence and Resilience

Lee Junho (2PM) x Reader

Anon Request: Hii! I know this might seem a little old, but can I request a scenario for 2PM’s Junho? Can I request an arranged marriage angst-fluff scenario where he already had an evil girlfriend and he’s cold to you somehow when you are so kind to him, then when you can’t take it any longer, you left and he started to miss you and realize that his girlfriend is cheating on him,,, fluff ending hehehe! I’m sorry if this is too hard though 😅

Summary: You accepted your life as the second child to a father with a big corporation a long time ago. You knew the arranged marriage would happen one day, but you expected a partner who also accepted their fate. However, the suitor your parents choose for you acts immature and unreasonable. Can this even work?

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: Arranged Marriage AU. Contains angst, slight (implied but not described) smut, and a fluff ending. Strong language once or twice, slight violence

A/N: It isn’t exactly what was requested, but I started going based on the request and let my creative mind lead me where it did. I hope you still like it!

You knew the day would come, but you never expected it to be this chaotic. As soon as you reached a certain age, your parents started introducing you to sons of other big industry owners as your possible suitors. They only needed you as a pawn in the grand company scheme. Ultimately, neither you nor your brother could avoid it. Eventually, he'd inherit and run the company despite his dream of managing a small coffee shop, and you'd soon be forced to marry someone that could help business.

You met him twice before the marriage was announced, and he never paid you any mind. He never expected anything to happen. Plus, he has a secret model girlfriend, so why worry about his parents forcing him on dates? However, the announcement sends him into a rampage, especially since he hears the news from media outlets rather than from his parents.

You and your parents meet with his parents to discuss the wedding date and other important details when Lee Junho bursts in, fuming about the arrangement while dragging his clearly-bothered girlfriend behind him. Calmly, his father stands up, turns to Junho, and slaps him hard across the face.

"You will marry her. I don't care about your wants. The company comes first, and, as the oldest, it's about time you recognize that. You don't have to love each other; you only need to tolerate one another for the sake of our companies." Sitting back down, he turns to you, "I apologize for my son's attitude. Please, forgive him. He'll come around, but he's far too used to getting everything he wants."

"No worries, Mr. Lee. I understand his feelings and can look past them for the sake of this arrangement." You smile back, watching as your fiance shoots his father a disgusted look before storming out with his girlfriend.

"Thank you, Y/N." Mrs. Lee adds, "Your daughter is very well-mannered. She will be a welcome change to my son's wild lifestyle. Thank you for this opportunity, Mr. and Mrs. Y/L/N."

The dinner continues as boring as you expect. The next few months don't improve much either. You rarely see the man chosen as your husband, and his attitude never really improves. You try your best to be friendly and kind to him whenever you two interact, but he always blows you off.

The wedding day approaches, and, for once, Junho acts nice to you. Of course, you recognize that it's an act for the families and media, but it's the first time he hasn't treated you like dirt, so you enjoy the day as best you can. There isn't a honeymoon. Instead, your parents bring you and Junho together to explain that you'll be moving into his house by the end of the week to show the media that the relationship works well. They want people to believe the motivation for marriage is more than a simple merger.

Without a doubt, this infuriates your now-husband. He rarely meets his girlfriend to eliminate any potential gossip, and now he has to share his home with the one person he blames his suffering on. You, on the other hand, try to be optimistic and see this as an opportunity to become friends, regardless of how difficult the task may be. Slowly, you move your belongings into his house. He gives you a personal wing of the house, hoping to limit interactions between the two of you.

Over the course of the month, you learn Junho's typical schedule. Exercise in the early morning, followed by breakfast and a shower. Then, he stays in his office room most days until dinner, unless there's a company meeting he's forced to attend. After dinner on Thursdays and Saturdays, he leaves for hours, and you can only assume by the state of his clothes and hair upon return that he meets with his girlfriend on those nights. When you understand his schedule enough, you begin eating or cooking at the times he usually does, in hopes to grow closer. He accepts your presence but hardly talks to you. Any conversations you start with him fall flat quickly. Tonight, you decide to make Junho dinner.

He thanks you and sits down to eat. As you sit down across from him, you ask him about his girlfriend. This time, he finally decides to talk with you.

"She wants to go on a vacation soon, but I don't know how to go with her when I still have to think of my father's stupid company."

"Do you want help? We can pretend to go together. I'll bring my friend so it looks like a double date situation. Only if you want, though. I don't want to force you if it'll be a pain dragging me along."

He stares at you for a moment, wondering why you still try being nice when he's been nothing but mean to you, "Are you sure you'd want to do that? You won't feel weird about the situation?"

"Why would I? We don't have feelings for each other. This marriage is for our parents, but that shouldn't stop us from living how we want. If we help each other, it shouldn't be too hard to fake a healthy marriage."

Suddenly, Junho smiles brightly. You've never seen him smile so genuinely, so it shocks you enough to get your heart racing. As he thanks you and explains his plans, your mind wanders, thinking about how handsome he is when he's happy. When he asks whether you'd be okay with his plans, you snap back to reality and blindly accept his proposal.

As it turns out, the plan included a trip to an island your parents own. They agree without issue, hoping you and your husband can bond. The only setback to the trip is that the two rooms are separated by gender, meaning you'd be sleeping in the same room as his girlfriend while Junho rooms with your friend. Junho's strange optimism insists that this will give him an easy excuse to sneak into his girlfriend's room, as he can claim he wants to see you.

At first, you didn't see the issue with his plan. However, the asshole returns as he decides to make out with and even have sex with his girlfriend despite you being stuck there with them as a cover for him. After a few days, you give up. Your kindness can only extend so far, so you storm out as the lovebirds undress each other without a care in the world.

You stroll along the beach, meeting up with Changmin, the friend you brought along for company. You sit on the beach and talk. He tells you all about his fiancee and asks how you feel about your forced marriage. Changmin has been your close friend for over a decade, so he could see your frustration. He tells you to talk to Junho about his behavior. With a sigh, you admit that he's right, and you head back to your room, fully expecting him to still be there.

When you arrive, you hear moans through the door and decide not to enter until they're finished. Turning around to head back to the beach, you accidentally bump into someone directly behind you. Trying to make eye contact to apologize, you see Junho, who looks past you and at the door. Your eyes grow wide as he passes you, yanking the key from your hand and storming into the room. You rush after him in case you need to stop a fight, even though you're scared of that possibility.

You both see Junho's girlfriend and some random younger boy pushing away from each other. She hides her naked body under the covers while he quickly stumbles into his clothes on the way out. You expect Junho to scream at his girlfriend or punch the boy, but he just points to the door and tells her to leave and never talk to him again. She tries to apologize and beg for forgiveness, but Junho doesn't let it happen.

Raising his volume and strengthening his glare, he demands, "Get the FUCK out of my life!"

She wraps herself in the complimentary robe, grabs her bags, and rushes out the open door. Silence falls over the room. The scent of sex lingers and haunts him. He drops his arm and falls to his knees as he stares at the floor and tries to comprehend what happened.

You help him up from the floor and onto the bed. At that point, the man who appeared to lack a heart breaks down crying. You pat his back, so he leans his head on your shoulder. Ever since you've met him, you've never seen him drop his guard and be vulnerable. You stay with him until he cries out all his tears. When he composes himself, he apologizes, but you insist that it's perfectly fine.

After a short silence, he looks at you and asks, "Can I sleep next to you tonight? I think I need the comfort of another person."

"How about we sleep in your room then? The smell in here doesn't seem to be going away any time soon."

He agrees with a nod, so you both head to the next room, and you explain the situation to Changmin. He apologizes to Junho and asks if either of you need anything. When you both insist that you're fine, he retreats to his bed and puts his attention to his laptop. You and your husband get in the other bed together. He lays under the blankets and moves close to you for comfort. Not quite ready to sleep, you sit in the bed with his head in your lap as you scroll through your phone.

When your body finally relaxes, you put your phone on the bedside table and lay down. As you shift your body, you disturb Junho's sleeping form. He manages to find a new comfortable position with his head close to yours. In his sleep, his arm moves across your body, moving you closer to each other. You try to focus your mind on anything other than his closeness, and you eventually join him in sleep.

You wake up to movement and let out a groan as you stretch and open your eyes. Sitting on the bed, fully naked, is your husband. You quickly avert your eyes, making Changmin laugh at your shyness.

"Haven't seen your husband naked yet? Jeez, what will you do when your parents start bugging about having kids?"

You throw a pillow at him for even suggesting the idea, even though you understand that it will happen one day. Junho, however, decides to further provoke you by joining forces with your friend. He moves to you and hovers above you with a smirk.

"Should we make this fair? I haven't seen you naked either."

"I didn't look, so it's still fair right now." You speak quickly, hoping to escape the situation as soon as possible.

The boys just laugh at your reaction as Junho rolls off you and pulls on his underwear. When he tells you that it's safe to look, you finally begin to relax. You still avoid looking in his direction, but you're glad to know that he can still joke around despite the scene he witnessed the day before.

For the last day in your vacation, the three of you decide to roam around and have a good day despite the previous issues with the trip. At the end of the night, you head back to your room and begin to pack for the 3 AM flight back home. When Junho finishes packing, he heads over and asks whether you need any help. Since you're nearly finished, you thank him but decline his offer.

He sits down on the empty bed and looks at the wall before opening up, "Y/N, I'm sorry for how I treated you because of my girlfriend. I never expected her to be that person, but seeing her cheating on me made everything click into place. But, also, thank you so much for being so kind to me despite my terrible attitude. If you'll forgive me, I guarantee you that I'll be a lot less rude and a lot more open with you."

"Hey. Calm down with that heartfelt stuff. You're forgiven, Junho. I'd still like to have a working marriage with you for the sake of our families, so this is a good step forward." You place a hand on his shoulder and send him a smile as he turns to face you.

When he sends a warm smile back, you believe that good things will finally come after your persistent kindness and resilience with your husband.

#kpop #kpop boys #kpop boy scenarios #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop writing #kpop requests #2pm #2pm scenarios #2pm imagines #2pm writing #lee junho #2pm junho #lee junho angst #kpop angst #2pm angst

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hunflowers · 4 years

Text

MYTHOLOGY (I)

Word Count: 6.4k

Requested? Not exactly, but you always can here :)

A/N; OMGGG it’s finally here. I’m sorry for the long wait but I really hope you all enjoy the first part of demigod!Harry. And listen, I’m gonna be honest, this part is probably a little boring bc this is all about background/the past leading to the present, so pls bear with me because i promise it’ll be good! Anywho onwards to the story, have fun! *nose boops*

tag list: @thicksniall @meetmeinfleetwood @afire-hes @pradaxstyles @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @gotmyhandonmyheart @burberryharold @harrymoncheri

Life is a funny thing.

Everyone thinks they know who they are and how their life is going to pan out. There’s a meticulous planning to life that people try to control; a plan that decides where they end up, who they end up with, and how happy they end up. But it’s so far out of everyone’s control, and not a single person could claim they were successful.

Calista thought for once she was in control, that maybe if she took matters into her own hands, everything was going to go the way she wanted.

And everything was starting to look up.

From birth to present, her life has always been one filled with uncertainty. Uncertain about where she was going to live, if she was going to eat, if she’d ever find a family that would love her. All her life she wished for something to go her way, for something to go right instead of left.

When she hit the turning age of eighteen, things did start to look up for her. All her life she’s been on the lower level standards of society, grazing by, by the skin of her teeth. She figured her life was doomed from the start considering she never really had a true family, or a true support system.

As a baby she was left on the doorstep of some random woman’s house, and then that woman handed her over to the nearest orphanage, which then turned her over to the foster care system. From the moment she was born she hadn’t been wanted by anyone, not even her own parents, and all her childhood was between homes and ignorant foster parents who hardly ever cared for her existence, but rather the check she brought in for them.

A person’s childhood is meant to represent the happiest portion of their life. Being able to look back on memories that last forever, memories that weld nostalgia, and memories that you’ll forever hold close to your heart.

This wasn’t Calista’s case.

For Cal, all she can remember is the constant bullying from foster siblings because of her innate ability to be a good student; The constant slaps and kicks and punches thrown her way because she was too slow to stop them; The never ending verbal abuse of being alone with no friends.

Every day she went to school and wished she could never leave, because at school people at least left her alone. No one cared to talk to her so that meant she didn’t have to deal with anyone, and she liked that more than anything. It was going home that was the problem. There were plenty of times she contemplated running away, finding a home that would accept her, but she always talked herself down, saying one day these people will be nice to her. She had high hopes and tried to see the best of every situation, but time after time she was let down when she was pushed into a wall or tripped on the sidewalk.

The last home she was in before she turned eighteen had been the worst of them all. Every night she cried herself to sleep, and prayed to whoever would listen that she needed to be saved, that she shouldn’t have to live her life like this and that hopefully one day, things will start to look up. Then they did, and it was incredibly shocking. Cal was awarded a full ride scholarship to the University of Cambridge, a goal she’d never think she would achieve. The moment she got the news she made sure to put in extra hours at work and even get a second job so the moment she graduated high school she could leave, and head straight for England.

She had been tempted to tell her foster parents, to see if maybe they would be happy for her, but every time she tried, they shot her down and forced her to do work around the house or banished her to her room for the night and left her starving. No words could ever properly convey how excited she was to put this part of her life behind her, to start somewhere new, and to hopefully make better memories along the way.

So, her eighteenth birthday passed and high school graduation flew by, and before she knew it, she was packing up without a word to anyone, and moved away. She didn’t really have a plan as to what she would do once she got there, but anything was going to be better than her old life.

Calista had bounced around a few motel rooms over the course of a couple months before she moved into her dorm room, keeping herself busy with a few different jobs to try and save up a bit of money. Even here it was difficult trying to stand on solid ground, and she can’t say she expected much else with the cards she’s been dealt in life, but with this new start she figured it would be at least a little better than life back over the ocean.

Then the unexpected happened.

She made a friend at the restaurant she had been working at.

Trinity Kim, the bestest friend Calista could ever ask for. Usually, when people talk of soulmates, they talk of significant others. If anyone were to ask Cal who her soulmate was, she’d say Trinity, Trin for short.

It’s almost as if they were destined to be friends. They were alike in every way possible, but they were also so different which kept things interesting. For example, they both had lived pretty tough lives before meeting one another. Though Trin wasn’t in foster care her whole life, her father and step-mom had been involved in her life so little that she nearly forgot they ever existed. Their biggest connection had been that they never had met their birth mothers, which at first was oddly coincidental, but now, a few years later, it was strangely comforting for them to have something so deep in common. It’s hard to relate to people who have stable homes, because for Calista, well, she doesn’t; And not that she wants people to feel the way she does, but for some reason, when she found out Trin had a bit of a messed up life too, it helped her feel not so alone in this scary reality.

Then they found out they’re actually going to the same University, and that’s when they knew they’d be inseparable. Because what’re the odds of that?

Adapting to this new lifestyle was a rollercoaster for Calista, not that she expected any different, but three years later, she still found life a little overwhelming from time to time. Though this life was infinitely better than her one back in the states, it didn’t stop her underlying insecurities of not fitting in anywhere. She has Trin, and the few other friends she’s made over the years, but no matter where she was she never felt this sense of… belonging.

A lot of people she knew at school were business majors, looking to go into finance and everything else associated with the program, because they were trying to build stable careers. Calista on the other hand invested her life into the classical studies program, because for some reason she had this weird fascination with ancient life ever since she was a little girl, finding Greek and Roman life to be so interesting. It wasn’t a popular major, and people she told always tried to bring her down because of it, claiming she’d never get anywhere in life knowing stuff about mythological gods that never existed.

She’s learned to grow a tough exterior, not letting people and their dumb criticisms get in her way anymore. She’s a blooming adult, and she’s learned the hard way that sometimes people are just mean for the sake of being mean, so she’s put on her big girl pants and sticks up for herself now, never giving anyone the chance to walk all over her anymore.

Trinity has also helped Calista in boosting her self-confidence, giving her that little push to bite back at people that bark. There was one time they were at a party, and a girl came up to Calista, claiming she had been flirting with her boyfriend - and truth is, she had been, but she wouldn’t have if she knew he had a girlfriend - and when she starting calling her names, Calista spat right back at her, telling her to get a better boyfriend if this one was flirting with other women, and that maybe she should get a better taste in men.

Normally, Cal would’ve just apologized and moved on, but she’s so sick of people thinking they could just say or do whatever they want to her.

That’s why on one special night, Calista’s life changed forever.

She had been coming home from work with Trin, their job only a few streets away from their shared apartment, so they walked. It had been a nice night out, the moon in its crescent phase, glistening in the indigo sky, accompanied by a few scattered stars. It was a night just like every other one, until it wasn’t.

“Trin, I’m telling you, Niall likes you.”

“Please! He likes you, I know he does.”

“How could he like me, if he’s told me himself that he likes you?”

Trinity paused in her steps, halting Calista a few steps ahead of her, looking over her shoulder with a confused look. Trinity was looking around, as if she saw something Calista didn’t, a worrisome face etched into her features. “Trin?”

The situation wasn’t helped by the fact they were in a more remote part of the city, no cars or people around at this time of night. They were both too poor to afford a car, hardly getting by with their rent money, and this is when that lack of money would bite them in the ass. The weird part was, Trin didn’t really seem unnerved about her surroundings or anything, she just looked confused. That’s when Calista saw something move in the corner of her eye, or someone actually. They appeared from the alley a few feet away, as if that wasn’t creepy at all, and stood beneath the streetlamp that hovered above them, illuminating a dull golden glow around them.

There were two people, a boy and a girl watching the two friends, hands at their sides, holding some sort of… weaponry. It was hard to tell, but from a distance it almost looked like they were holding swords. All Calista could think about, rather than her fear of being killed, is who uses a sword anymore?

Their faces seemed oddly recognizable even though she’s pretty sure she’s never seen them before. Yet, she felt like she knew them. Though, it seems Trin does when she speaks nonchalantly to them, shoulders relaxed in relief of it not being some crazed serial killer. “What the fuck do you guys want?”

The girl ignored her, keeping her dark eyes fixated on Calista, skimming the length of her body in disgust, a grimace resting on her features as she rolls her eyes at Calista just simply standing there. “We were told to relay a message to you.”

“And this had to be done at ten at night, next to an alley?” Trin deadpanned, crossing her arms over her chest. Cal stood off to the side, lost out of her mind as the three bickered back and forth for some odd seconds, wondering what in the hell was going on. She still couldn’t even pinpoint where she knew these people from.

Not to mention, she was still beyond confused about why they had fucking swords.

The boy caught her eyeing the metal, pushing the material of his jacket back a little bit so the silver shined under the streetlamp, either showing it off or trying to taunt her. Yet, her only response to that was an eye roll and a tap of her foot as she continued to ache from her six hour shift. It was weird how she didn’t feel at all threatened in this situation, but something in the back of her mind told her that if it were to go south, she’d be okay. Maybe not, she’s hardly ever been violent in her life, usually taking pain but never giving it.

“Tell her yet?” The girl jutted her head in Calista’s direction, again eyes raking her body with a look of disgust written on her lips.

“No, they said not to,” Trin replied, side glancing to Cal quickly, praying in her mind the curly haired girl didn’t ask questions when they left.

The thing about Trinity is that although to Calista, her appearance in her life seemed completely natural and as if they bonded purely on their backgrounds, that wasn’t completely true. For three years Trinity has been keeping the biggest secret of her best friend’s life and it’s been eating her alive ever since the small age of thirteen. When she was younger, she was told about how her future was meant to unfold with the mystery girl from across the atlantic, and how she was sworn to secrecy because it could end both of their lives if any wrong person found out the truth.

It was a lot for a thirteen year old to take in, but Trin knew she had to be strong.

But, when word got around that Calista was making her way over, that’s when Trinity was told to ease the girl as slowly and painlessly as possible into her righteous lifestyle. Trinity though, couldn’t grow the balls to ever do that, always fearing that she’d cause pain to her newfound friend and that -- from personal experience -- finding out the truth can be very, very difficult. So she hasn’t told her about her true history, and she’s felt awful about it.

Though, due to Cal’s impeccable speed, she beat her friend to the answer of that question, “Tell me what?”

The short blonde girl looked to her opposer, a smirk sliding across her lips before she glanced up to the guy, nudging his arm with her elbow. “This is gonna be good.”

“Can someone tell me what’s going on right now, or?” Calista pressed, looking at all three of them, no one jumping to give her the answer she had been looking for, for the past five minutes.

Trinity looked nervous, gnawing at her bottom lip as she seemed to be in pain with whatever was going around inside her mind. Her lack of talking spoke volumes louder, though; Because her silence meant she was keeping a secret. It was hard to gauge whether or not the impact this secret would have, but a secret was a secret, and Calista hates secrets.

Her whole life had been nothing but a secret considering she had no idea who even birthed her, or if she had any family that was maybe looking for her, or what day she was even born on. Her declared date of birth was the day the woman found her on her porch. She had secrets up the wazoo, and anymore was just bound to break her.

Again, Trinity wasn’t the one to speak up, as now the guy decided to open his mouth, “What do you know about Greek mythology?”

Calista was taken aback by the question, stumbling around in her mind how that was at all relevant. It was also oddly concerning a question so random held so much relevance in her life considering her studies focused around this area of history. “Uh… why?”

“Don’t listen to them, Lis,” Trin interjected, taking a small step forward between her friend at the two a few paces away.

“Well, if you’re not going to, we will,” the girl retorted, now taking her own step forward. From the looks of it from Calista’s point of view, any more hostility verbally, those weird fucking swords of theirs were going to come in handy. And even though she had the slight fear of being impaled to death, something inside of her sparked some sense of nobility, going to stand next to a frustrated Trinity.

“I think someone should tell me something soon before I lose my mind.”

“Well, c’mon then Trinity, tell her. Mr. Cirillo said you have twelve hours, or we’re coming back and doing it ourselves; That’s why we’re here,” the girl shrugged, picking at the chipped black nail polish on her thumb.

Trinity scoffed, rolling her eyes, “Why wouldn’t he just tell me himself?”

“Because he’s tired of telling you and you not listening,” she spat back. “Look, I’d rather her not know either, because I don’t need any more competition for my title, but there’s apparently been a threat, and we need all the hands we can get in case a war breaks out. Plus, it’s unfair for her to keep living a lie. Twelve hours.” And then they walked back into the alley, and disappeared as if they hadn’t been there in the first place.

Calista’s mind was swirling down a very long drain to say the least. A war?Living a lie? Competition for a title? None of it made sense and she wasn’t sure if it ever would. Silence fell upon them the moment they started their journey back home again, not that she knew what to say. She had so many questions buzzing around her brain that she didn’t even know where to begin. Who even were those two?

And what the fuck was Trinity keeping from her?

The second they stepped through the door of their apartment, Calista flopped herself down on the couch, clutching her head as a migraine began to seep its way into her problems for the night. She didn’t want to be the one the break the thin ice they’d been itching their way across for the past fifteen minutes, but as Trinity paced around, biting at the tip of her thumb, clearly lost in her own thoughts, Cal figured she’d better be the first to speak before she bursts at the seams from anticipation. “Trin, help a girl out, what the hell is going on?”

She stopped her walking, head snapping to the side as her eyes frantically observed the sitting girl that was pushing her sweaty hair back from off her forehead. Whenever everything was dealt with, they seriously had to talk to their landlord about the excessive heating in their flat. It was as if they still had the heat on even when it was blazing outside.

Trinity took a breath, closing her eyes shut for a brief moment before collecting herself and sitting down on the available leather cushion. “I need to start this off by saying I’m sorry.”

“For wha--”

“Please… just let me finish.”

Calista nodded her head, silently agreeing to let her continue, slowly bracing herself for whatever was bound to be revealed. This deep pit nestled in her stomach, gravity weighing her down as anxiety built up inside pouring out of her as she continuously carded her fingers through the ends of her knotty hair.

“I’m so fucking sorry for lying t’you, and for keeping shit a secret -- even though I was told to -- and I need you to know that it has been my fault for you not knowing any sooner than tonight.“

“You’re really sca--”

Trin gave her a pointed look, causing her to shut her mouth nearly immediately. “Do you… remember when Damien, uh, the guy from before, asked you about Greek mythology?” Calista nodded her head in remembrance, choosing to keep her mouth shut in fear of being told to shut up again.

“The reason he asked you is because, well, it’s not exactly a myth. It’s quite real and well, you’re a part of it. And by that I mean uh… you’re the daughter of the goddess Athena.”

❊ ❊

Calista couldn’t fall asleep that night.

She laid in bed, covers pulled up to her chest as she stared up at the ceiling, hands resting on her chest as the last of her tears dried on her skin. Her mind hasn’t given her a moment to calm down, thought after thought popping up as question after question runs around, giving her feeling after feeling of all different types of emotions.

She wasn’t happy, that much was for certain given the circumstances. I don’t think anyone can have their life flipped upside down so drastically and be happy about it. But, she wasn’t exactly sad about it either. It’s not everyday someone finds out they’re a literal demigod. Truth is, she doesn’t really know how to feel, because how does one feel when they find out why her life turned out the way it had?

When she came to college, this wasn’t the Greek life she imagined herself joining.

Her mother, Athena, goddess of wisdom, warfare, and handicraft met her father twenty-one years ago. Her father wanted nothing to do with her and well, Athena couldn’t exactly be a proper mother with her god duties and such, so Calista was left alone. It’s said that her mother watches over her everyday, but if that were true why would she allow her daughter to lead such an awful life?

When Calista was thirteen, supposedly people had come to her house to take her to her awaited lifestyle, something she never knew happened. But, her foster mother at the time told them she didn’t want to go with them and that she was happy where she was -- which was a complete lie, because that woman most likely slapped her five minutes prior. Conveniently, not even two weeks later Calista was transferred to a different home because the woman couldn’t take care of her anymore.

This explains her interest in classical studies, considering she’s technically part of those studies, but her choice to Cambridge was a complete chance, in Trin’s words. But, when news spread that she was coming over seas, that’s when these people felt it was finally time to reel her in. Calista isn’t exactly sure who these people are, because Trinity was pretty vague in her explanations, but from what she can gather, they’re other demigods and mythological creatures and whatever else that are part of this life.

Aside from this whole new truth being exposed to her, the thing battling with her most is what she’s gonna do about Trinity. She’s her best friend, she loves her more than she loves herself, but she can’t put aside the fact that she literally kept the biggest secret of her life from her, because she wasn’t ready to tell her. Trinity was being selfish, and Calista doesn’t know what to do.

All her life she’s dealt with people being the worst to her, and for once she thought someone was different. Turns out, everyone is a liar and chooses to be the worst possible person in front of her. It’s this constant tug of war going on in her brain, that she’ll never be good enough for anything or anyone, and the moment she accepted that, she got Trin. But of course, that was ripped right from her, just like everything else.

Fuck, she’s not even good enough to be a demigod.

The following few days they had hardly spoken to one another. Calista because she was still holding this frustrated anger within her that she’s not exactly certain how to express without blowing her top; And Trin, afraid to get her head chewed off with a promising breakdown following on her part. They were walking on eggshells around one another, to the point they sort of avoided each other to the best of their abilities in their small apartment.

The first time they genuinely spoke was when Trinity said she had to bring Cal to a discreet location where she’ll get more answers from people that know just a little bit more. It was explained though that this is where Trinity ventured off to in the summertime when she went away on “vacation.” Vacation just simply meaning travelling to this camp/school site where she trains and learns more about her true heritage.

It’s hard for Calista to understand what exactly she’s training for, but she guesses that’s why this little trip to this place is necessary.

When they arrived, she was in pure awe at the inspiration of old Greek architecture, noticing the ionic columns lining the front of the big building. Μυθολογία was nestled into the marble, the translation from Greek meaning Mythology, which Trin had mentioned at some point that the name of this place was simply named Mythology because that’s what all of this is supposed to be.

A myth.

“This is where everyone basically sleeps and where we train if it’s raining. There are also a few offices for like, the ancients, so,” Trinity explained, walking them up the set of steps that led them to the main door.

Calista could hardly pay attention to what her friend was saying as she gawked at the intricate and beautiful layout of the foyer in front of her, admiring the various statues and paintings that contained her… mother. “She’s a beautiful woman, isn’t she?” A voice spoke behind her, causing her to whip her head around, coming face to face with an older man that had greying hair and a few wrinkles lining his face.

Oh, and one eye.

“Stunning,” she replied, taking one more look at the goddess before giving her full attention to the man.

“I’m Mr. Cirillo. It’s an honor to meet you, Calista,” he stuck his hand out, which she grasped in her own, shaking it firmly, trying not to stare too hard at the fact that he has one eye but she also doesn’t want to be rude and not give eye contact.

She gulped, taking a look at Trin who was busy on her phone, before smiling softly back up at the tall man. “I’m sorry… I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this,” she apologized, taking in a deep breath and looking at the few people that walked by them in the foyer, making an awkward eye contact as they started whispering to themselves about her.

Great, even when she’s meant to fit in, she still can’t.

“Believe me, it would be more concerning if it wasn’t a lot to take in. I’m not going to overload you just yet, Trinity will be showing you where you’ll be staying and then head to the cafeteria, you must be hungry from the ride here,” he suggested, placing his hand on hers and Trin’s shoulders, guiding them in the direction they were meant to be.

Then, Trinity was taking her hand, leading her up the grand staircase in front of them, leading them down endless hallways to finally get to their shared room. It was a decently sized room, half of it clearly inhabited by Trin as it was messy and had a few of her signature posters lining the wall. The other half however was very empty, only adorned by the full size bed and wardrobe and small nightstand table. “You’ve been set as my roommate since I first moved in,” Trinity spoke quietly, picking at her fingernails as she sat on the edge of her own bed.

Calista nodded her head, setting her suitcase down next to her bed. Walking over to the window seat, sitting herself down on the soft blue cushion, overlooking what must be a courtyard as across from her just seemed to be more rooms that were down a different hallway. They both sat in silence for some odd minutes before Calista took the plunge and said, “I just wish you told me.”

Nearly immediately Trinity responded, jumping up from her seat and padding over to her friend, standing a couple feet away. “I’m so sorry, Lis. I have no good reason to explain why I didn’t, but I regret it so fucking much. I shouldn’t have been selfish and I need you to know I’m just so, so sorry. I probably screwed up your trust in me, but I’m going to do whatever I can to fix this.”

Both of their eyes watered, emotions flooding through both of them as they wind up in a few more moments of silence. They’ve never not talked or hardly ever got in fights, and by this point, they were both just sick of the never ending silence and wished everything could just go back to the way it was. But, it can’t, though they’ll both do everything they can to resume some sort of normalcy and hopefully repair this strained relationship.

Calista looked to her friend, nodding her head in a silent acknowledgement that she knows she’s going to try hard, and stands up to bring her in for a hug. It was the most awkward hug of their life, but it definitely was a start. They both cried a bit, but when they separated they raised their hands and wiped away each other’s tears, laughing a bit to themselves.

Sniffling, Trin stood straighter, gesturing around the room, “Alright, well this is our lovely humble abode. You can do whatever you want to your side and uh… Oh! These small little statues,” she pointed to the small sculptures that were in little cubbies by the window, “are our mothers. So, y’know, Athena is on your side and Artemis is on mine. As if we don’t see their faces around here enough, but honestly I think it’s so no funny business can go down in our rooms because, well, our parents are watching which is weird.”

“Trinity Kim, has any funny business gone down in this room?” Calista questions, raising her eyebrow at her friend. She immediately turned red at the inquiry, turning hot on her heel and over to the door. “C’mon, let’s get some food before it’s all eaten.”

Calista gasped at her blatant avoidal of the question, “Trin!”

❊ ❊

There were a lot of people around. A lot more than Calista could expect.

And surprisingly, aside from when she first entered and people were whispering about her, a lot of people were completely welcoming. She was the talk of the town apparently, everyone knowing who she was and crowding around her to introduce themselves. She felt bad since she had not a clue who any of them were but it seems none of them cared.

The thing that surprised her most was to see Niall, another friend of hers and Trin’s that went to school with them, here. It makes her wonder who else she knows from school that’s here.

And apparently Niall is the son of Poseidon? Which is pretty fucking cool, and explains a lot about him, like his obsession with pool sports. Or, just water in general.

But, now that she knows Niall’s here, she wonders if he’s who’s been in her room with Trin. She tried to pry it out of her friend before, and she was so close to getting an answer, but then Niall came over to them and she immediately shut up.

She also saw those two people from the other night, Damien and Wren, that sat by themselves in the corner of the grand room, seeming completely uninterested in anything that involved everyone else. Trinity had explained that they think they’re better than everyone else here so they hardly take time out of their day to engage with others.

Damien’s Zeus’ son, so because his father is Mr. Almighty, he basically thinks he holds that same title, when in reality he’s just a dickhead. He’s mediocre at best at combat, with or without weapons, and is just plain rude and egotistical. Wren is the daughter of Ares, so she thinks she’s something special because she’s the best female fighter this place has ever seen. Which, it’s pretty cool to be the best, but that doesn’t mean she has to be a bitch about it.

Their whole dinner, Trin and Niall tried giving her the scoop of everyone deemed necessary -- their words -- but one person in particular stood out to her. He was on the opposite side of the room, and even though he’s sitting at a table, it looks like everyone sitting with him, is there just because he is. Calista could admit it is difficult to not pay attention to him, his vibrant smile and glowing aura drawing anyone to him.

His name’s Harry, and according to Niall, he’s the best male soldier this place has ever seen. It was hard for Niall to admit it, but he can’t avoid the truth. Unlike Damien who despised Harry for it, them two supposedly always going head to head about who was better. “Damien can never get the hint that he, well, sucks ass,” Niall digressed, sipping on his drink, raising his eyebrows in an ‘I’m not wrong’ manner.

It also doesn’t help Damien’s case that Harry is a genuinely nice guy. Aside from the battle field, Harry will go out of his way to help anyone, bringing joy and happiness to everyone around him. He’s the son of Apollo, god of the sun which makes sense since this guy basically radiates energy like he himself is the sun.

He was definitely someone she wanted to befriend, and she’s a little saddened he was part of the masses that had introduced themselves to her earlier.

“He’s right. A lot of people wish they were as good as Harry, but it sort of just comes, uh, natural to him,” Trin shrugs in agreement. Calista looks past her friends to take a look at him one more time, noticing he’s no longer sat at his table anymore.

But, then a voice speaks from right next to her, startling her and causing her to jump in her seat as she notices the guy suddenly sitting next to her. “You always know how to warm my heart Trin,” he smiles, placing his hand on his chest over where his beating muscle lies, before extending it out to the new girl.

“Hi, I’m Harry.”

Never mind, she’s happy again.

Calista takes his hand now, shaking it with a response of her name, all but falling in love with him immediately on the spot. How is someone allowed to be this good looking? It surely must be a crime.

“How’re you liking things so far?” He asked, keeping his eyes locked on hers and a small smile on his face, as if he was always such a happy person.

Calista swallowed, “I’m adjusting.”

“Understandable. It’s easy getting used to though, especially since you already have some friends here,” he smiled kindly, bringing his hand up to brush through the few fallen strands of hair that adorned his forehead.

“Well, look who finally showed up,” another person spoke from behind her, everyone’s eyes snapping towards the direction it came from. Wren stood at the end of their table, a cynical smirk plastered on her face as a bored looking Damien stood behind her. “Nice to see you again, Newbie.”

Though the tone in her voice suggested otherwise. So, Calista called her out on it, “Is it?”

Wren scoffed, rolling her eyes dramatically as a drawn out groan escaped her mouth. “Let me guess, they told you how I’m the biggest bitch around and that all I care about is staying at the top.”

Calista looked around at her silent friends, nodding her head in agreement, “Mm, yup.”

“Good, then we have an understanding. Don’t get in my way, and I won’t get in yours,” she grinned, placing the palms of her hands flat on the table as she leaned forward, her face about a foot away from Calista’s.

It was clear she was trying to be intimidating, her stern face probably scaring away anyone she laid her eyes on. Though, just like a few nights ago, Cal was far from scared. Something about this girl was far from threatening, so without a second thought, Calista leaned her face a bit closer, a small smirk of her own forming on her mouth.

She didn’t like bullies, and she was tired of running away from them.

“And if I do?”

Wren’s eyes lowered into slits, her smirk dropping as her upper lip nearly raised into a snarl, clearly not enjoying the fact that someone wasn’t intimidated by her.

“You’ll wish you didn’t.” And with that, she stood back up, skimming her eyes over Calista again before walking away, grabbing Damien by the wrist dragging him away from his little glare-off with Harry.

“Wow…” Niall, spoke up, looking around to his friends, “I hate them.”

“Oh my gods!” Trin gasped, pulling on her friend’s hands, tugging her nearly halfway across the table. “Lis, we’ve got Leaderships in a few weeks, you’re gonna beat her.”

Calista looked to her Trinity in confusion, scrunching her eyebrows together as to what the fuck she was talking about. “Um, what’s Leaderships?”

“It’s basically just ranking everybody in order of first line of defense to last,” Niall explained.

“So, Harry here is the best male, and Wren takes pride in being the best female, but, I think with a couple weeks of good training, you can knock her right off that fucking pedestal of hers,” Trin continued, smiling with excitement and shaking Calista’s hands vigorously.

It was a tempting offer. Being new and being the best sure had its perks. But, even though she can’t stand the girl, Calista can’t see herself surpassing Wren. That girl has probably trained her whole life to be where she is, there’s no way a new girl, who didn’t even know this place existed a couple days ago, can sweep in after a few weeks and take that position.

It was tempting, but it was near impossible.

“Trin, I don’t think that’s gonna be possib--”

“A few days ago you didn’t even think this was possible, yet here we are. Anything is possible, plus with help from us, and the fact you’re mother is the goddess of battle strategy, you’re destined to be the best. Right guys?” she turned to the two guys who were caught up in their own conversation, not paying attention to a thing she said.

Niall yelped in pain, his shin burning from the ferocious kick Trin delivered to him. “Wha’ was that for?!”

“Trin, why don’t you just beat her?”

She scoffed at the question in return, “I’ve tried. The bitch is a fucking cheater though, nearly sliced my achilles tendon in two.”

“So--”

“But, it’s time someone else takes a hold of that precious title of hers,” Trin finished, letting go of her friend’s hands now.

“She’s right,” Harry spoke from beside them, looking away from them and to the corner the couple had resided back into. “Both of them think they run the fucking world, and it’s getting t’be a bit sickening.”

Looking back at the curly haired girl, he smirked, sitting up just a bit straighter, “Whaddya say, love, wanna be the best?”

The first thought that popped into Calista’s mind though, was how the fuck did her life change so much?

#HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED!#mythology series #harry styles series #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles one shot #harry styles au #harry styles x ofc #harry styles writing #harry styles smut #harry styles blurb #harry styles soft #1d fanfiction #1d fanfic #one direction fanfiction #harry styles

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tuanhood · 4 years

Text

gamma

pairing: christian frat!park jinyoung x sorority!reader

genre: lil angst at the beginning and a LOT of fluff at the end

warnings: some language, also a bit of slut shaming/yugyeom kind of being terrible :( i’m sorry!

word count: 8,900+

summary: you’ve always thought the christian frat on campus was judgmental towards you and your friends in greek life, but when you somehow find yourself at their “water on the row” event, you realize there’s one alpha gamma omega boy that may just change your mind.

a/n: hello guys! so I just want to do a disclaimer in case and say that i don’t think christianity or all christian organizations/entities are judgmental or act like this. this is purely for narrative purposes and based on one conversation i heard once! so please take with a grain of salt as you read! also for my smut lovers all three of the next parts will include smut! this takes place inside the same universe as lambda so enjoy! :) please let me know what you guys think! even if it’s in the tags!!

“Okay so spill, did you kiss him or WHAT?” your friend Katie slurred as you both stumbled back and forth on the sidewalk. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep walking back home, you were starting to enter the phase of drunk where you just wanted to sit down for a while and drift to sleep.

“Who do you think I am?” You asked her in fake shock, “of course I did.”

At your words, you had to stop her from falling down to the ground at how hard she was laughing and squealing, “I knew it! I knew it!”

The two of you had spent the last few hours at a local club in town. It was certainly a risky bet by going there considering most of its customers were people you probably knew or someone you’d at the very least share a mutual friend with. But you go to frat parties with guys we know, many of the sisters in your sorority pointed out. Which was very true, but for some reason it felt different hooking up with a frat guy you knew at his house versus hooking up with him in town at the local bar. You wanted to lead separate lives.

You laughed along with her and attempted to ultimately calm her down so you could keep walking back towards the house. It was a little early to already be heading back on a Friday night, but the two of you had drank a lot in a short amount of time, already going through the mode of intoxication between drunk and sleepy.

“I’m starving,” Katie suddenly mumbled, taking ahold of her stomach and stopping in her tracks, pulling you back towards her, “I need something to eat.” Despite your overly intoxicated state, you were still coherent enough to be annoyed at your friend’s sudden whining, “we’re already close to the row, I’m not going back into town.”

She pouted and you could tell by the methodical look on her face that she was calculating in her mind some sort of plan. Suddenly she snapped her fingers together – or at least tried to considering the alcohol she had consumed earlier – and pointed at you.

“Water on the row!”

Immediately you began to shake your head at her idea. You didn’t care how hungry she was, there was no way you were making a stop at the AGO house.

Water on the row was an event or “thing” put on by the brothers at Alpha Gamma Omega – the Christian centered frat. Every Friday night some of the members would pass out pancakes and water to drunk people that were coming home from their night out or even still in the middle of it.

The boys from Alpha Gamma Omega had always been… disconnected from the rest of the fraternities and sororities on Greek row. Which was why they started “Water on the Row.” So it would give them more opportunities to interact with other orgs but still keep up their “alcohol-free” house lifestyle.

In theory it was a nice thing to do, but you had your own personal vendetta against AGO. You had no issue with their beliefs, religion or what their frat stood for in general, but many of the interactions you and others you knew had with their members were not positive. They tended to look down on other fraternities and sororities due to their “lifestyles” which didn’t exactly make them the most popular on the row. However, when most people were drunk out of their minds, hungry and dehydrated they would willingly take all the pancakes and water they could.

You scoffed, “I don’t want anything from those judgmental Jesus lovers.” Even the thought of passing by them as they handed out their pancakes and water thinking they were saints made your skin crawl.

“Are you really still upset about that guy from recruitment in the plaza? That was like over a year ago.”

“It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, it’s still annoying and hurtful to me.”

Often times words didn’t really get to you. Being in Greek life and involved in all aspects of it you were used to catty and hurtful things being said or thrown around, but roughly a year ago you had let your guard slip down.

It had been a warm September day and you had been assigned to run the table for your sorority that day in an effort to get underclassmen – primarily freshmen – to sign up to rush to be in the Fall pledge class. You had already been in a bad mood since when you showed up to your school’s plaza to be assigned a spot to set up, the student union had decided to give you a location that was not highly desirable. You were squashed in between one of the medical professional sororities and the Christian fraternity Alpha Gamma Omega.

Compared to the other sororities you were getting less prospective members coming over to your table. When many glanced over in your direction, they would see who you were stuck next to and automatically assume you weren’t a top tier sorority on campus. It irked you. Roughly an hour and a half into tabling and recruitment, your friend Mark from Lambda Chi Alpha had come to visit you.

“Not a great day, huh?”

You had scoffed and looked up at him from your seat, “I’m pretty sure Ben from student union has it out for me because I wouldn’t sleep with him.”

Mark had thrown his head back and laughed, grabbing the boy at the Alpha Gamma Omega table’s attention.

“You know next time you just have to let me know and I’ll set you up really well. I’m pretty sure Jennifer from student union wants to sleep with me so I could put in a word for you.”

Your eyebrows had furrowed in confusion, “don’t you have a girlfriend?”

��Yes! And I’ve told Jennifer that six times!”

Then it was your turn to laugh, “guess she’s committed to waiting around. Can’t say the same about Ben though. Said no to him once and now I’m stuck back here in the shadows.”

Mark had frowned, “if I see any girls come my way while I’m up there, I’ll be sure to tell them to come back here. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks Mark, you’re the best.”

Mark had always been like a big brother to you. You had met him very early on at a party where weirdly enough you had tried to hit on him. Looking back it was embarrassing considering the fact at how now you could never see dating him. He was a year older and always looked out for you in the hectic system that was Greek life.

He leaned forward to rub your shoulder comfortingly, “any time sis.” As you had watched him walk away back to his table in a prime location, you sighed hoping that he would keep up his promise of sending girls to your corner of the plaza.

“Slut.”

At first you had thought it was some kind of mirage or hallucination as the temperature was arriving at heatwave level, but as you whipped your head to the Alpha Gamma Omega table you were met with almost venomous eyes staring you down. You looked at him with mouth agape, unsure of how to answer his completely incorrect and uncalled for assessment of you.

“Excuse me?” You had been able to muster through a somewhat shaky tone.

The boy in AGO letters suddenly looked at you cluelessly, “what?”

You blinked a few times to wonder if you had indeed imagined being called a slut, but you realized that you hadn’t come out here in hot weather on a Tuesday afternoon to be gaslit.

“You just called me a slut and I’d like a fucking apology.”

The boy looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t intended on you saying anything or confronting him. His eyes remained blank, but for a moment you can catch a flicker of acknowledgment behind them – he had known exactly what you were talking about. “Sorry, but I think you must have misheard. I would never say that.”

“Uh like hell I misheard you. I know what you said and I want you to apologize.”

He leaned back in his chair and looked around, surveying if anyone had been paying attention to the spat between you two. “I’m not apologizing for something that’s the truth,” he said under his breath. Despite the attempt for you not to hear him, the look on his face was loud enough for you to detect his answer.

Ever since that day you looked at AGO differently and tried your best to avoid everything and anything that had to do with them.

With the current conversation, you could feel yourself sobering up and suddenly realized that you didn’t want to. If Katie was going to make you go over to Alpha Gamma Omega, you were going to give them what they wanted which was an intoxicated hoe.

“Do you have anything left in the flask?”

Your friend looked at you surprised, “I think so. You want more?” She pulled the silver flask out from inside her coat and shook it to see what was left. Without a word you grabbed it from her and poured all of the liquid into your mouth. The burn in your throat was just what you need to get through this.

“AGO house it is…” you mumbled, wiping the vodka that had dribbled onto your chin and grabbing Katie’s hand. She continued to thank you for being such a good friend all the way to Greek row and until you’re both standing in a line in front of Alpha Gamma Omega.

At a glance at the lengthy line – full of people you recognized – you heard Katie whine beside you. Suddenly you felt that feeling you only got when you were drunk and feel the need to sober up because someone more wasted than you was in trouble. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” You asked her.

She turned to you with a scowl on her face, “I don’t want to stand in this line, I just want to go home… call Jaebeom over or something.”

You shrugged your shoulders, “I mean you’re the one who wanted food. I’m fine with just going back,” you began but she immediately shook her head, “no I still want the pancakes. You can just bring them to me at the house once you get to the front of the line.”

“What? Are you joking? I’m not standing in this line alone when you’re the one who wanted food.”

As much as you loved the girls in your sorority especially Katie, you had to admit there was a huge difference between your friendships in the chapter versus your friends who were unaffiliated. For example, you were pretty sure your nonaffiliated friends wouldn’t leave you slightly intoxicated in line for pancakes from the Christian frat that once called you a slut to go home to hook up with her “are they, aren’t they” boyfriend.

She shrugged, “I’m sorry Y/N… Just in one of those moods and you know Jaebeom is the only one who can bring me down.”

You opened your mouth to protest, to call her out and tell her how annoying and infuriating she was being, but nothing came out. She took this as your approval and smiled brightly, leaning forward to kiss you on the cheek, “thank you! You’re the absolute best!! Just knock three times on my door when you get back to the house with the pancakes. Ya know just in case…” with a wink she’s gone down the street, pulling out her phone most likely to call Jaebeom.

After about ten minutes in line, it occured to you that you could have just said no and gone with her, but at that point you realized two important things. You were a pushover and you were already at the front of the line.

“Here you go.”

When you looked up at the guy, you felt yourself freeze. The man in front of you gave you a pleasant smile, his hand extended towards you with a plate of pancakes and a water bottle. He looked at you unemotionally, waiting for you to take it out of your hands, but you can’t. You couldn’t move. He was the most gorgeous man you had ever seen in probably your entire life. He looked like a prince or an actor. He looked like someone who deserved to be stared at and adored all day. You weren’t a photographer but you would become one just so you could take photos of him and open up an exhibit where everyone else could be exposed to his beauty.

You were already calculating in your head who you knew with an art gallery connection.

It was clear the man felt uneasy or at least from your point of view he did. He shuffled over to the side so the next person in line could be helped by one of the other AGO guys. “Are you okay?”

With his concern, you suddenly remembered why you weren’t a fan of this frat. His questioning of whether or not you were okay probably wasn’t genuine or authentic. He most likely was thinking about it from a stand point that he’s the virtuous one who’s giving out food and water, while you’re the drunk one, therefore you must not be okay.

Rolling your eyes, you moved to the side with him, “yeah I’m fine thanks.”

It’s clear he’s thrown off by your tone and instead of ignoring it, handing you the pancakes and sending you on your way, he continued, “sorry… I just wanted to see if you were alright. You were kind of not moving for a while.”

“And what? I have to move every second to make people think I’m okay? FYI just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.” Your feisty attitude was a clear tell-tale that the vodka from the flask was hitting you.

The guy looked at you curiously. He had his fair share of interactions with drunk people on the Friday nights he did Water on the Row, but this felt different. It was almost as though what he had said you had taken as a threat or a personal attack and he wasn’t sure why.

“I-I know that,” he stuttered a bit. Despite him standing over you and being much broader, he felt intimidated by your presence – but not necessarily in a negative way.

“I am drunk okay and the only thing that’s difficult is dealing with you right now.”

Even you were surprised at the words you were spitting out at him. You’ve had your cruel drunk moments, but you had never acted like this with a complete stranger before.

This time he didn’t have a reaction for your words. Instead, he looked from you to the rest of the guys next to him and then back to you, “are you here with anyone?”

You snorted, thinking about how Katie had just left you to fend for the two of you.

“No.”

Once again, he looked between you and the other guys. It made you shuffle in place of where you’re standing, feeling uncertain for the first time since you’d laid eyes on him.

“Why don’t I walk you back to your house?”

The first thought in your mind was that he was just offering to take you home as an AGO move to prove that he was a saint, better than any of the other countless frat guys that had been with you at the end of the night while you were drunk. It’s the softness of his eyes and the nervous biting of his bottom lip that made you realize he’s actually being genuine. You don’t know why, but you start to feel nervous, even after alcohol which usually makes you confrontation and confident.

“I don’t typically go home with strangers so… I’ll need your identification.”

He laughed at your formality and you almost feel your heart jump out of your chest when you see the crinkles that appear near his eyes when he smiles. You tried your best to push your feelings down when you realize it wouldn’t be so bad keep making him laugh.

Playing along, he reached towards his back pocket to pull out his wallet. Surprisingly, he handed his driver’s license to you which you accepted willingly.

You get annoyed at first glance when you see how good he looks in the photo because you’ve truly never seen anyone look that good in an image meant for an ID of any kind.

“Park Jinyoung,” you read off the license, and Jinyoung almost feels his own heart stop. Handing it back to him quickly you shrugged your shoulders in a nonchalant way, “I trust you.”

“Wow is that all it takes these days?” You rolled your eyes to stop yourself from smiling at his joke, you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, “I guess for little old intoxicated me on a Friday night it is. Now come on,” you waved your hand taking a step onto the pavement but he held a finger out to stop you.

“Let me just let the guys know I’m going.”

You almost want to laugh at him but you nodded instead. Usually the people you surrounded yourself with would just drift off and disappear, not bothering to let anyone know where they were going. You couldn’t understand if it was an AGO thing or if it was just a Jinyoung thing. You hoped it was just a Jinyoung thing.

Taking a few steps further away from the AGO house, you watched as Jinyoung spoke to some of the members at the table passing out food and water to the line that hasn’t shrank in size. The guy he’s talking to looked at you and you gave a small wave; he didn’t return it but turned back to Jinyoung. The discussion between them seemed more heated than it should be, it immediately makes your mind go to the headspace of being judged.

After a moment, Jinyoung reunited with you on the sidewalk and smiled, “all good to go,” gesturing, you go in front of him and lead the way.

Being back on the sidewalk, you felt more of the physical effects of the alcohol. Every part of your body wants to start walking from side to side for some reason, but with every piece of strength you have, you forced yourself to walk forward. You really didn’t want this Jinyoung guy to think you were that much more of a mess.

At first the two of you walked in silence, carrying your plate of pancakes in one hand and your water bottle in the other. You took a glance at the AGO boy at your side, wondering if he thought this whole thing was as ridiculous as you did.

“I like your shoes.” His comment catches you off guard. Somehow it made you even more skeptical of his motives.

Calm down, he’s just trying to be nice.

“Thanks…” You wanted to leave it at just that and have the remainder of the time the two of you spend together be silent, but drunk you wanted to play games. Looking at how innocent he was, the clear fiddling of his hands in his hoodie’s pocket and the nervous clicking of his tongue set you off, “the guy I was with tonight didn’t really think so.”

When you hear Jinyoung inhale strongly, you smiled. It was a clear signal of him being uncomfortable. You thought that now was where the real silence between you and Jinyoung could begin, but you were surprised to hear him urge you to continue on.

“Oh… why not?”

Even though you didn’t have sex with the guy from the club tonight – clearly – you felt like you would have to play it off that way to get the maximum reaction from this goody two shoes who probably had never even touched a girl before. When your eyes narrowed in on his arms through his sweatshirt, however, you realized that maybe that was an outlandish assumption.

“Too much work for him to take them off.”

It’s almost as though Jinyoung has to take a moment to calculate in his head what exactly you’re referring to. When he finally got it, you heard him kick rocks underneath his feet. For some reason this pleased you.

“Ah I see. I guess it could be kind of…” he cleared his throat again, looking down at your shoes “complicated in those situations.”

“Especially in the bathroom,” as soon as the words are out of your mouth you regretted them. So caught up in your fake antics of making Jinyoung uncomfortable, you didn’t even think about what you were saying. Sex in the bathroom? And you wanted to take your shoes off? Just doesn’t make sense.

You hoped Jinyoung didn’t think about it too much.

“So, you had a fun night?” He questioned. For some reason it made you stop in your tracks and begin to laugh. You almost dropped the pancakes completely. Jinyoung on the other hand looked at you as if you were crazy. He felt embarrassed, he knows that he’s probably not the coolest guy or the first choice to walk you home, but he certainly didn’t think he was the worst option, “did I say something wrong?”

When you finally caught your breath, you looked at him and noticed how he’s begun to bite his lip again. Most of the frat guys you knew had this cocky attitude to them – you were friends with many of them of course – but they didn’t have whatever it was you were seeing in Jinyoung. From the outside he looked like someone who was so sure of themselves – one would with those looks – but you could see the insecurities or the naivety that laid behind his exterior.

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong… To be honest I don’t even know why it’s that funny. I guess just typically when people drink on Friday nights, they have fun.”

He nodded his head as if you had just explained a math equation and continued to follow you down the street, “Right… but not necessarily all the time. You know you can have just as good of a time without drinking.”

You snorted, “please spare me any of your AGO lectures.”

“I don’t intend on lecturing you. I’m just saying…”

“You know it really pisses me off how you guys think you’re better than the rest of us. Why? Just because you’re a Christian frat? Just because you guys don’t drink or go to parties? Just because you guys spend your Fridays passing out breakfast to wasted kids? That doesn’t make you any better, just so you know.” He didn’t say anything and for a second you felt bad, as if you’d struck a nerve with him, but then you’re taken back to that moment in the plaza. He was probably like that guy.

“I know it doesn’t make us any better. We just wanted to…” he paused, trying to find the right word, “help and be a better part of the community. We know what you guys think of us and we’re trying to change that. That’s all.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, “That’s… understandable. Maybe you guys would be more connected if you didn’t ridicule us…” you snorted in the middle of your suggestion, “or maybe did a shot or two.”

Jinyoung laughed and you continued to push the thought of wanting to make him laugh forever out of your head, “you know… I have had alcohol before. AGO just doesn’t do parties and stuff like that. It’s an alcohol-free house, but it doesn’t stop members from doing stuff outside of that.”

“But most of you probably don’t.”

He sucked a breath in, you had gotten him there. Most of the guys didn’t bother with drinking, not even socially. “Well… yeah lots of the guys don’t, but some of them do.”

“Like you?”

“Like me,” he confirmed.

You stopped again, this time to place your hands out and in front of Jinyoung, stopping him as well. “Okay, but have you ever even been drunk before?”

Jinyoung pursed his lips. At first, he considers lying to you, but if he was already going to act out of character tonight, he wasn’t going to add lying to the list. “No…”

You suddenly get an idea. The picture in your head is of you and Jinyoung – the Christian sweetheart you barely knew – sitting on the floor of your room giggling about how stupid Greek life reputations were. You would show him your favorite song they play at your favorite club and he could read you Bible verses or… something? You weren’t really sure if that’s what they did all day at the AGO house, but the bottom line was you would show him a piece of your world and he would show you his.

“We can change that tonight. I have an entire bottle of Ciroc under my bed,” you have to stop your hand from grabbing his.

His heart raced at your suggestion and he felt the two sides of him battle with one another. Ultimately, the AGO side won, “N-No… I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

You pouted. Drunk you was truly insane. You led him to believe that you had sex with some stranger in a bathroom and now he probably thought you were trying to get him into bed as well.

“Why not? I’m even offering you the good stuff. Not any of the watered-down shit.” He flinched at your cursing and it makes you annoyed and swoon all in one.

Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice how painfully beautiful you looked under the glow of the dim street-lamps that lit the sidewalk. He swallowed thinking about how much he disagreed with his words, “I just really don’t think it’s a good idea.”

You turned away from him to hide the embarrassment you felt. He probably thought you were suggesting a promiscuous evening, but you didn’t want that from him. For some reason you just felt a want to talk to him and pick his brain – he was a lot different than the typical Alpha Gamma Omega members and you wanted to know why. You wanted to know why he is the way he is. Apparently Jinyoung didn’t want that from you.

Wordlessly, you continued your walk home and Jinyoung followed close behind feeling like an absolute jerk. Caught up in your thoughts, when you finally looked around at your surroundings, you realized you had arrived at your front door.

“This is me.” Jinyoung looked up at the house, taking in the letters and once again nodding his head thoughtfully, “thanks for letting me walk you home.”

You looked at him confused, “why are you thanking me?”

Tightly smiling, Jinyoung feels his stomach flip. He’s never needed approval from someone, especially not someone he just met, but he feels like he wants to convince you he’s actually a good person. That he’s not pretending. It almost feels suffocating with how much he wants to prove himself. “I just liked walking you home.”

“Even despite my rude and drunk behavior?”

Jinyoung shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his AGO hoodie, “you don’t seem drunk anymore.”

“Trust me… I am,” since Jinyoung clearly didn’t have an interest in speaking to you any further than this moment, you felt as though you could say whatever you wanted to him. You figured that the best thing to do was reveal his attraction level since he already thought you were trying to fuck him.

“If I wasn’t drunk, I wouldn’t be thinking about how handsome you are,” Jinyoung looked down to hide his smile and you continued, “not just in a normal way but in a classic Hollywood kind of way… but I guess that happens with good Christian boys. For some reason they usually end up hot.”

Again, those eye crinkles appeared as he started to laugh, his cheeks even going as far as turning a light pink color. It looked really good on him.

“If you ever need me to set up a Tinder account for you, just let me know… I’m an expert, I’ve done all of my friends’ profiles. My success rate is a hundred percent,” your hand settled down on the door knob. The next obvious step was to turn it, but you just wanted to suck this moment dry and take as much as you could before you two went your separate ways. “Nah… not Tinder you’re a Bumble or Hinge guy for sure. I can still offer my services… I know how tough it must be living in a house of all boys all the time.”

“Thanks for… the compliment? And offer?” He questioned. He probably wasn’t used to the girls he was usually around commenting on his appearance or saying such things. It made you roll your eyes again, “yes I was complimenting you so just take it AGO.”

Turning around, you went to unlock the front door and head inside. Jinyoung mindlessly watched you until it dawned on him that he missed something important. Your name.

“Wait!” He called from behind you. It caused you to turn around, waiting. “You never told me your name.” He looked so cute, kicking his feet on the ground and biting his bottom lip again, patiently waiting for you to reveal yourself to him, but you can’t shake the feeling that’s bubbling up inside of you. Before you could stop yourself, you’re shaking your head at him, “let’s be honest… you’re not going to need it.”

Jinyoung furrowed his eyebrows, confused by the rejection of just being told your name. With a final frown on your face, he watched you go inside and shut the door behind you. On his walk back to the AGO house all he could think about was that frown.

“You can’t possibly still be thinking about that girl from Friday night,” Yugyeom snorted.

Unfortunately, he very much was thinking about the girl from Friday night, even though he knew all the guys would ridicule him for it. The fact that this comes across as his first thought makes him wonder if you were right about them.

Just as Yugyeom finished his sentence, Jackson settled down at the table next to Jinyoung, already devouring his fries.

“What girl?” Jackson asked both of them, a speck of fry coming from his mouth and onto the table when he speaks. It makes Jinyoung want to vomit.

Almost annoyingly, Yugyeom turned to Jackson, “A girl Jinyoung met at ‘Water on the Row’.” The way he said it is almost venomous, as if he’s ultimately disgusted at the thought and mere situation. Jinyoung wanted to say something, to defend the girl - but he doesn’t even really know her.

Jackson stopped chewing for a moment, thinking, “oh...”

“Yeah,” Yugyeom paused, turning to glance back at Jinyoung, shooting daggers at him that practically tell him not to do anything stupid, “I know...”

“Don’t you think you’re kind of being judgmental? And isn’t that kind of our whole thing? To not judge, but to serve others?”

His outburst seemed to surprise his friends at the table, both of them looking at one another at Jinyoung’s out of character behavior. Usually he maintained composure and silence in conversations such as this and in the past, he’d definitely been the contributor to the judgements. But for some reason this particular conversation about this particular girl was rubbing him the wrong way.

“I mean yeah… but Jinyoung, come on… you can’t be with a girl like that. The drinking, the partying and the sleeping around? It’s just kind of too much, don’t you think?”

“Yugyeom, dude… you don’t know if she’s like that,” Jackson piped up, going back to eating his fries.

“Let me repeat the fact that he met her at Water on the Row… so she’s exactly like that. She probably has like a Tinder or something too.”

“What’s wrong with Tinder?” Both Jinyoung and Yugyeom look at Jackson who suddenly opened his mouth quickly to defend himself, “I mean I don’t have it or anything, but I’m just wondering what’s wrong.”

“No one on there is looking for an actual committed relationship Jacks, it’s just people who want to hook up. Like most of the girls who show up on Friday nights.”

Jinyoung wanted to agree with Yugyeom and put this all to bed. That would be the easiest thing for him, if he just concurred that the girl from Friday night was not right for him and the fact that she liked to drink and go out disqualified her from ever being someone he wants to get to know. However, he didn’t want to. For some reason, for once he wanted the complicated option. The option most of his friends in Alpha Omega wouldn’t agree with.

You had no idea why your room was the “hangout” room in the house. Or at least it was for Katie and Jaebeom. One would think that they would want to be alone together, but instead they loved coming up to your room and laying on the floor whenever Jaebeom came over to the house. Usually people didn’t like having a third wheel intrude on time with their “significant” other – or whatever it was that these two were doing – but they loved being in your room.

“I think we need to get Y/N a boyfriend…” Jaebeom said very suddenly, throwing down the magazine he was reading. Why he wanted to read your old Cosmos from freshman year? You had no clue.

Katie squealed in delight, fascinated by this plan that had yet to be approved by you. However, knowing her she already had at least five guys in mind. “How about Ryan from Sigma Chi?”

You let out a response to convey your disgust at the same time Jaebeom clenched his jaw.

“He’s literally been with everyone,” you rolled your eyes, trying to focus on the work on your desk that you had diligently been doing before Jaebeom’s quest to end your single life.

“Not to mention he’s a misogynist who displays sociopathic tendencies,” Jaebeom scowled, surprising you so much so that you turned around to face him.

Katie looked at him with big eyes, as if she were about to jump him at any moment, “Babe, I didn’t know you knew words like that.” He shrugged in response, “Mark’s girlfriend teaches me well.”

You smiled, “I like her more and more every day.”

The room is filled with silence and you realized that they were both waiting for you to say something about Jaebeom’s overall statement of getting you a boyfriend. They wanted your feedback, your questions, comments and concerns – they wanted to play the role of matchmaker, that much was clear.

You shuffled uncomfortably in your seat, “I don’t need a boyfriend.” Jaebeom tried to reason with you, “okay but you want one.”

Sometimes your friends really didn’t get you. You’d never been successful with commitment and long-term boyfriends in the past, why was it suddenly going to work out any differently just because Jaebeom and Katie were trying to set you up?

“We’ll get you a really good one. Someone in Greek life, but someone loyal…” Katie paused to turn to Jaebeom, “who do you think the most loyal frat on campus is? Lambda?”

He brought his hand underneath his chin and tapped it slowly, considering. “Hm… I mean Lambda is good, of course,” he smiled at the acknowledgement of his own frat, “but actually… I feel like the most responsible frat is AGO.”

Katie immediately burst out into giggles, Jaebeom soon following. “Y/N could never be with an AGO. My accountant stepdad is more interesting than any of the guys over there. She would go crazy dating one of them. If any of them even talk to girls that is.”

For some reason her words made your skin crawl. AGO was the subject of a lot of jokes on Greek row and in fact, you were used to being the one that made them, but for some reason you felt sick. You couldn’t help but think about Jinyoung.

He was genuinely nice to you and although he had rejected your offer, he was a decent guy. Not feeding you any of his bullshit lectures that the AGO guys were known to give. He didn’t even really fight back with you when drunk you pretty much called him fake.

Oh god you had lectured him. It felt like it was all coming back now.

You had asked him to get drunk with you and invited him to your room. You had told him he was handsome. You had offered to make him a Tinder profile.

“Y/N are you okay? You don’t look good…” Jaebeom pointed out, “we won’t get you a boyfriend if the thought of it makes you this sick.”

Why did you care that you had drunkenly embarrassed yourself in front of Park Jinyoung? You barely knew the guy; you didn’t agree with most of his frat’s values and outlook on others in the Greek system. Hell, he was probably friends with the guy that called you a slut.

As if you had been stuck in a trance, you blinked and looked at the two friends sat in front of you. They look as though they’re about to admit you to the local hospital.

Clearing your throat, “do you guys think that they have the same guys working at Water on the Row every Friday?” Katie squinted at you, “how are we supposed to know that? I mean… probably not.” You nodded and turned back to your desk in silence, staring at the schoolwork in front of you blankly.

He probably wouldn’t be there. You probably didn’t need to go. It was probably a sign.

A sign that you probably just… shouldn’t.

Another week rolled around and it soon became Friday again.

Jinyoung wasn’t supposed to be on pancakes and water duty this week, but he had told Jackson he would take his shift. At first Jackson was reluctant to give it up after what the three of them had talked about when they went out for dinner, but when he looked at Jinyoung’s sad pleading face he knew he couldn’t say no.

He knew there wasn’t a guarantee that you would be returning to the house, but he figured that this would be his only opportunity to see you again. If Jinyoung had to spend another Friday night passing out pancakes and water to drunk people just for the small chance of you showing up, he’d take it.

“Dude ya’ll are like the sober crew,” some guy from Lambda said grabbing the plate of pancakes from Jinyoung, the guy’s arm wrapped tightly around a girl who looked annoyed.

“Come on Mark,” the girl groaned, dragging him out of line.

They both stumbled down the steps and to the sidewalk, Jinyoung watching them go carefully. “I love you so much,” Mark told the girl. She threw her head back laughing, still trying to carry Mark’s weight, “I know you idiot. I love you too.”

When they kiss, Jinyoung looked away not wanting to intrude on their moment. He felt a strange knot in his stomach as he thinks about the two. They both seemed wildly different, but you didn’t have to be an expert on love and romance to understand the affection and fondness that was between the two of them.

Jinyoung’s mind quickly went to you, but he shoved it to the back of his thoughts when he reminds himself that he didn’t know anything about you. He had just met you.

“Any luck?” Yugyeom asked, coming up on Jinyoung’s side to surprise him, “don’t act dumb… I know why you took Jackson’s shift tonight. I know why you’re here.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, turning away from the boy and grabbing another water bottle to hand to the next person in line. He used this opportunity to scan the queue and see if you were in it – no luck.

“Just be careful man… I mean knowing her type she’ll probably back, but just remember what I said.” The grasp of Jinyoung’s hand on the water bottle tightened with Yugyeom’s words and he felt like something inside of him was going to snap soon. He wasn’t sure what he had done or said to welcome unsolicited advice from those around him. The reason he joined Alpha Gamma Omega was to be a part of a likeminded community with similar beliefs to his own. Never did he anticipate whatever this was.

“Girls like her… they’re sluts you know.”

Jinyoung turned to Yugyeom and shoved the water bottle into his hands almost violently, “what did you say?”

Yugyeom looked at him with wide eyes, as if not expecting this kind of reaction, “Jinyou-”

“Save it,” He spat.

Jinyoung didn’t want to be anywhere near Yugyeom or the AGO house. Maybe you were right when you alluded to him putting on a nice guy act. He probably had been for the last two years he was a part of the org – judging others, thinking he was better than others involved in Greek life, just because he was in a Christian frat. For some reason meeting you and having you question his “goodness” caused him to finally wake up from the fantasy of the person who he had thought he was all along.

By the time Jinyoung reached the end of his self-loathing thoughts, he realized he had carried himself all the way over to your sorority house. He knew he probably shouldn’t even be standing on your front doorstep, but something in him stopped him from turning around. Instead, he reached out to ring the doorbell.

“Can I help you?” a girl asked, poking her head out through the door.

He cleared his throat, “yeah actually… I’m looking for-” that’s when Jinyoung cut himself off and realized that he actually didn’t know who he was looking for. He had never got your name… All he knew about you was were you lived… and that’s pretty much it.

The girl looked at Jinyoung in confusion, glancing at the letters he was wearing and sighed, “You’re from AGO?”

He nodded, “I actually don’t know her name…”

She waved her hand as if this was a usual thing and opened the door more to welcome him inside, “let me see what I can do for you… Just wait here.” The girl begins to head up the stairs of the house, then Jinyoung suddenly remembers a detail, “she went out last Friday night if that helps.”

She laughed at him and shook her head, continuing her walk up the stairs, “typical AGO,” she muttered. For once in his career at Alpha Gamma Omega, Jinyoung doesn’t feel hurt or annoyed by her assessment of him. She was right.

“Hey do any of you guys fuck an AGO?” you heard one of your sorority sisters, Melanie ask through your headphones. Taking the music listening devices out of your ears you went to your open doorway, “what did you say?”

Melanie glanced over in your direction as she thanked one of the other open rooms for participating in what sounds like a very strange survey.

“There’s a guy downstairs from AGO and it’s pretty sad, he’s looking for someone in the house but doesn’t even know her name. He’s here’s so late I’m just assuming that he must be looking for someone he slept with,” she gets a panicked look on her face, “fuck do you think one of us took the dude’s virginity and now he’s here to kill us all?”

You smiled tightly at Melanie. Some of the girls in the house were not the brightest.

“Don’t jump to conclusions like that Melanie… I doubt most girls in the house would go even within ten feet of a guy from Alpha Gamma Omega.”

“Well… what about you? Do you know anyone from AGO?”

You were about to shake your head no and deny knowing anyone over there, but then you stopped yourself. It couldn’t be… could it?

“Why don’t I just go down there and take care of this?” Somehow your words made her exhale and she looked instantly relieved, “thanks so much Y/N. Also do be warned… he is kinda good looking. Ugh I can’t believe I just said that.”

Nodding at her, she thanked you a final time before disappearing down the hallway to her bedroom.

There was no way it could be Jinyoung… right?

Despite your initial thought that it couldn’t be Jinyoung, when you reached the bottom of the stairs, you’re met with the back of the same boy you met a week ago. It was creepy but you could tell it was him just by the way he stood, with his shoulders back and posture erect. You don’t say anything, not wanting to sneak up on him, but you took notice of the way he seemed to be talking to himself. For a moment you swear you heard him ask himself what he was doing here.

That would make two of you.

“Jinyoung?” You said to grab his attention. He quickly turned around to face you and it’s easy to sense how weird he feels just being in your sorority house. It made you even more confused as to why he’s there.

“H-hey… you…” He wished he could greet you properly, but he still doesn’t know your name. That detail isn’t lost on you, but as you had told him before, you weren’t really sure if there was a reason to give him your name. The two of you didn’t really “mix” well.

“What’s up?”

For some reason this response to Jinyoung showing up at your house annoyed him. Sure, he hadn’t originally intended in coming here after his outburst with Yugyeom, his feet made the final decision to arrive at your home this late at night, but the nonchalant “what’s up” irked him.

He decided to take a risk by asking you what had been his mind for the last few hours he had been stationed at the AGO house handing out pancakes. “Why didn’t you come by the house tonight?” The tone shocked you. Rather than the gentleness he had spoken to you last week when he walked you home, this was something else entirely.

Unsure of what the acceptable answer would be to please him, you went with the obvious response – the truth, “I just didn’t need to go over there tonight… You know despite what you and your brothers might think, I don’t get wasted every single weekend.”

There was also the fact that tonight you had thought about going over there many, many times. You had even got dressed three different times and considered pretending like you had gone out tonight, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You were too scared of what your friends would think, what the AGO members would think and most importantly what Jinyoung would think.

At your words, once again Jinyoung felt attacked. He didn’t know why it was so important to prove himself to you or why it mattered so much that you didn’t show up at the house tonight. Now you probably had an even worse impression of him for coming over to your place at nearly two in the morning. Something that would never be condoned by the guys he lives with.

“I know that. I was just hoping that…” he drifted off and your breath hitches. You think that maybe you know what he’s alluding to, but you want to hear him say it.

In any other situation, Jinyoung knows he wouldn’t say it. He would be too afraid or too stuck on what – once again – others would think. Instead, Jinyoung surprises both you and himself. He says it.

“I was hoping that you would want to see me again as much as I wanted to see you,” Jinyoung takes a step towards you and it feels as though you’re about to fall apart at any moment, “I don’t really understand or know why… but I feel this weird pull towards you.” You could tell he was getting shy from the way he looked down at his feet and dragged them against the hardwood floor of the foyer.

Nervously, you tapped your fingers against your thigh to distract you from instantly agreeing with him – to tell him that you knew exactly what pull he was referring to. Alternately, you fill the conversation with more doubt, “then why did you reject me that night?”

His mouth hung wide open and he became perplexed, unsure of what you were talking about.

“What do you mean rejected you?”

You brought your hands up from your thighs and crossed your arms against your chest, “I asked you to come up and drink with me.”

Jinyoung’s eyes fluttered closed as if thinking about something. As quick as he shut them, he opened them at the same suddenness, “I didn’t mean it as a rejection. I just didn’t think it would be a good idea…”

Shrugging your shoulders, “In normal Greek life that’s rejection Jinyoung.”

He brings his hand to massage the back of his neck, “I really didn’t realize it was that… complex. Sorry. You’ll have to be patient with me about those kinds of things. It’s true what they say about AGO, we really don’t pick up on social cues very well.”

You’ll have to be patient with me.

His words rang in your ears and you swore you heard a Harry Styles song play in your head as you looked at him smile sheepishly at you.

“I…” somehow the words are hard to get out, you’re not used to being this candid with a guy – especially not sober, “I know what you mean about a pull.”

Jinyoung took another step forward towards you and you exhaled deeply at his closeness. He was just close enough to-

“C-can I kiss you?” he stuttered and you felt your heart skip a beat. You would be lying if you said that you hadn’t been thinking about Jinyoung all week. The eye crinkles, his pink lips and the softness of his tone, it had all played on repeat in your mind. The stupid rejection thing didn’t even matter anymore.

When you didn’t answer right away, you heard him take a deep breath in, “I know it’s kind of forward, but I really want to kiss you.”

Your eyes flickered down to his lips and you wet your own instinctively. A thought suddenly enters your head and you begin to wonder how many times he’d done this before. Was he a rookie just as he had been when it came to drinking? Not that it mattered to you… you were just curious and-

“I have kissed girls before you know… I’m not a prude. Now please just let me.” His desperation to put his lips on yours makes you realize that you’re just as desperate if not more to feel his mouth move against yours.

“Please,” you murmured.

He leaned his head forward closer into you until his lips just ghosted over yours. Bringing his hand in between your faces, he traced the line of your cheekbone until your cheek laid in the palm of his hand and he cupped it gently. Finally, he closed the space between your lips and connects them softly. It’s clear that he feels hesitant, scared and excited all at the same time, but you let him control the pace not wanting to push him.

Soon you felt him relax more into the kiss and you could sense how delicate he was being as his lips moved softly against yours, treating you like a china doll that he wanted to protect. You’d had many kisses with many guys before, but none like this. Those were just kisses and this was much more than a kiss. Behind this kiss you could sense Jinyoung’s fondness for you, his intrigue, his longing and his desperation for the two of you to be in a different time, a different place and a different space. You felt it all from him. Every single emotion. It made you feel dizzy, the moment blurring satisfaction that you had never felt from just a kiss. You had never wanted anyone like this before.

You sighed into the kiss and Jinyoung pressed you even closer to him, kissing you harder and more feverishly. It was a side of him you hadn’t been expecting you, but it made you smile against his lips, wanting him closer, closer and closer.

When you finally break apart, Jinyoung breathed heavily and you’re surprised you can let out any air at all. It felt like he had taken all the breath out of you and consumed every piece of you. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, but simply stared at you until you broke out into giggles, looking down shyly.

“Y/N,” you whispered, finally telling him your name and he felt his heart flip.

He grinned, “Well Y/N... I could definitely do that again.”

So he does and your mind becomes dazed once again, not thinking about the rest of the world or what anyone thought about the two of you.

For right now it was just you and Jinyoung, and somehow that was enough.

#got7 fanfic #got7 #park jinyoung fanfic #jinyoung fanfic #park jinyoung #got7 fic

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flow-green · 3 years

Text

19-08-2021

“I think I’ve never had more chaotic year than this one,” I confessed one evening when we drove in a car somewhere. My SO gave me a warm look and I checked to the back seat where my Charlie-baby was sleeping. If somone would have told me year and a half ago that 2021 will be a true turnaround in my life, when I will throw away all the life chains and take full control, I would have rolled mye eyes and gotten back to my endless vicious circle of career. I think ever since 17-years old I have followed the norms the society has set up: graduate high school, sprint through university, meanwhile make sure you work so you won’t get drowned in depts, get a job for your field of interest, in the meantime take some loan for some random house and if you have a moment, please, make some babies. Ever since I was a child, I knew right away: that’s not me. I don’t know what it is that makes me want to break these frames. But, oh well, there is no point to raise my voice for my own good as all the other people around me are nicely stable in the system. Some of my exes are on the same line: if you are not a parent by age 31 and do not own a gorgeous house in the suburbs while paying a sickly huge loan, meanwhile ignoring your family, friends and hobbies to make ends meet just so you could work yourself to deah by age 40, then you are a loser.

Few weeks ago in Saaremaa, while tipping my toes and feet into the warm and comforting waters of Estonian sea, I realized where I have drifted with my life. Only now I have started to realized that, f**k me sideways, I am actually a living human being. A LIVING person. I LIVE.

About 2 months ago, near summer solstice, I finally felt the finalizing ticking in my brain that pushed me gently to the edge of unknown. “Will you?” the life asked and motioned me to jump. “Or will you stay here forever, wondering what’s down there?” And so, with shivering hands, I clicked ‘send’ button on the mail that delivered my resignation letter to my boss. Done. Over half a year full of mental terror and a slow suicide will come to an end. At this point I had insane regrets. How am I supposed to throw away an opportunity and 6-year long career just because I do not want to live anymore? Now you’re probably thinking I am being a drama queen and overexaggerating. Oh, dear god, no. There were days, where everything started to tumble down in one go: my love life, my family relations, friends and work relations. On these days I switched myself and my phone off, listened to some serious melancholic tunes, sat alone for hours or drove around with a car and now, admitting for the first time: I hoped that something will happen and I do not need to live here anymore. I admitted this once also in my therapy, that I have frozen up while driving, not really giving a damn about my leg on gas pedal and about the speed.

I am once again a fat, useless, lazy, clumsy, slow and unorganized. Blessed with sore black eyes, a girl with unstable nervs and flaked nails. And all this just to give myself to a work which does not appreciate any sacrifices I make.

And I did it. This is MY life. My path and my decision, I ain’t going anywhere and even if I do, I’ll go with a smile on my face and as a queen for a day.

Few days ago I realized with full heart that this was one of the most important decisions in my life. I went for a run, as I have started to pick it up again. I went and set a goal to run approx 20 minutes. I had time. No rush. Only responsibility waiting for me was one project to improve a home page of our fresh company, but there was no strict deadline nor a passive aggressive boss-lady stalking my every move and making sure I am around even off-hours. So, my 20 minute run became to a 1 hour run, which was successful, nicely progressive and easy. I enjoyed every minute, because I was present. I had nowhere to hurry. I did not worry about the future or the past. I was just excisted. And I breathed.

I think I have cried more this year than in total for all past years. In my 9 to 5 appartment cubical lifestyle I always pushed away everything that demanded at least some movement out of comfort zone. For exaxmple I always closed in when my ex partner had an idea to do some changes. Well, true, his changes did not comply with my dreams. I did not want to get a huge loan to buy a house and sprint out 2 babies just because ,,Martin and Marge had their second kid in their gorgeous house and Martin is only 1 year older than me.” OK, is nice for them I guess? Every time these silly arguments started to come up, I switched myself off into my safety bubble, all alone. I let no emotions, chaotic situatons to influence myself and I just slowly flew on my laid down path, with eyepatches on. I always knew I want something different. I wanted to fight and be heard. Every time there was a conflict at work, with a friend or family member or with a partner, I eliminated it in the early stages and just ignored the rest.

And when these eyepatches were finally removed, everything else followed. I had no pink glasses or filters for emotons. Real life was there for me, but not always in a bad way. Real life offered everything, you only had to have guts to reach out and take it, with all its plusses and minuses. Take it, dominate, take responsibility, but don’t just float by. Get yourself togeter, notice, do, learn and experience. If not now then... when?

This half of a year has thrown so many obstacles and opportunities on my way and I have caught most of them. I guess one of the most difficult period was spending some insane time at a house in the middle of nowhere, without any water or normal comforts. This has made me appreciate small benefts of our everyday life.

I think I have mentioned this earlier as well, that February and March were probaby the hardest months this year. I was given a challenge to overcome and boy, it was tough. Namely, I got pregnant. As a woman who has never wanted to become a mom due to several and long reasons which I will not discuss today, I was in a cocmplete shock. I felt happy, scared, angry. Why now? Universe has its twisted sense of humour and it turned out that the pregnancy is not carriable for medical reasons and abortion is a must. I did not have a single day to stay home and mourn and endure grief. Oh, no, they needed me back to work ASAP. So I ignored the pain of loss and carried on with even more enormous work tempo to keep up. This period started a chain reaction which pulled me cruelsomely to the edge of the cliff. Work does not sleep, it waits impatiently. Even on these two horrible days I had to go through with the process, I did some work since I had become irreplacable.

All the emotions sealed up just blasted out as soon as some smaller bebble hit my bicycle. I cried hysterically, screamed. There were no days where my eyes weren’t bloodshot and with dark underlines.

In some sort of a sick twisted way I felt good, since I was needed, everything depends on me and I am sure it will get paid off nicely in the end when I have worked until my nose bleeds. In this tunnel vision I did not realize that skipped recovery and unresolved grief had made me this maniacal, delusional self-centered zombie, who lived for her workdays. All my free time I spent worrying about next work day. I did not notice anymore how my mom is doing, how are my friends and what is my partner up to. Every time we went off to one of our van trips I just existed somewhere in my thoughts about how much there is still to do. And it’s even more sadder, that I did not even notice myself anymore in the free world.

“Yea, but how would you go on?” was the main question I was asked when with a shaky voice I admitted that I need to quit my job right now and don’t want to take such responsibilities for a while now, only for myself. Everyone can do it. If there is a will, there is a way.

I am happy that I have at least won almost the entire battle with eating disorder, although I have to admint I am not proud over the inner criticizm about my body, which has grown 8 kg heavier since last summer. This means I still have days I hide under baggy clothes and just wait until these dark thoughts pass. There are days where I absolutely veto going to the beach because ‘it’s cold’. Actually I am reminding myself of that year where I had a killer six-pack, hip bones and tiny bikinies fit me so well, but now I look more like a curvy, slightly soft female not nearly showing signs of being physically active. Although, I am now in that golden zone where my weight is not going up nor down almost at all, no matter how much or little or what kind of foods I eat (plant based always of course). I guess it is positive, my body has found it’s perfect zone, but I--- don’t really like it. This mentality here is something now that I have to work with, with all my spare and peaceful time.

Since 25 July I am (f)unemloyed. And happy. I have made sure that I will be secured, will not be homeless and have food and I have a first step of a plan prepared. Priority for now is to help myself out of this destructive black hole that influences not only me but other close ones as well.

I don’t have black shadows under my eyes anymore. I sleep deep, without any random wake ups, I finally have time and motivation to cook, bake and test out recipes that have been collecting dust since forever. From day to day I get back to introduce myself to my long lost hobbies like kite surf, reading, writing, drawing and yoga.

I have finally startrd to realize that next to me there are people that I love unconditionally and to whom I have shown insanely rude attitude. Have you ever felt that re-falling in love again? I am currently feeling it with tripple multiplications, because I have once again fallen in so much love with my dog, my boyfriend and my hero on this topsy-turvy road, my family, friends and life itself.

I will not even take a glance anymore to that 100 promises I made earlier this year. Life is just so much different with completely new challenges. If anything, then I can mark this time period here as my new and fresh chapter for my life.

#ed recovery #ed #self care #quit my job #my life #adventure #van life #carefree #my story #blogging

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dutifullybitchypeach · 3 years

Text

My two cents worth for the first six chapters and some reasoning around IC and Nesta. All my own personal opinion. Read if you want but it's just my general thoughts. Please, please don't flip if you disagree. I love Nesta and the darkness she is in right now and her behaviour is taking over this sassy no nonsense Queen and it needs to change.

THIS INCLUDES SPOILERS.

....................

Is the House of Wind a prison...technically no. Nesta just does not have the ability to fly or winnow. And no one is on standby to be her taxi. She can leave by walking. Amren threw her that challenge on purpose. She's not alone, Az and Cassian live there. And the Priestesses. Yes it has dark memories. Yes. I know that and I take it on board.

On a side note, it's irritating to hear 'I'm not your prisoner" from Nesta (who I like!!!!) I think of Azriel, Feyre, all the Fae Under the Mountain, even Elide 💗. Then again everyone's idea of prison is different. But the fact remains. She CAN leave. It's just bollocks hard. For a reason

But we know it's what she needs. We know that. We don't have to like it. Not one likes the reality. The ultimatum is uncomfortable and harsh. Our way or fuck off. They are not suggesting manual labour or degrading her. They suggest training, food, working in a library, purpose, being part of something. This doesn't sound bad to me. It just sucks it comeing across as an order. But this is Nesta's POV and she doesn't do requests or pretty please. The fact I got riled up reading it is a compliment to Mass. I had to take a major step back and reassess. Nesta sees everything as an attack. And no that is not her fault. Stay with me! I agree people enjoy provoking Nesta ( Rhys, Morrigan, Cassian) and then get affronted when she bites back. At some point I'd enjoy her retaliation akin to her ripping their head off :) And their vow to never go there again.

The IC 'review' is what annoys me. The "we" will decide where you go from here if you play ball. My hope 🤞 is that Nesta will TELL THEM where she will go/what she will do with sass. But right now sitting on a rock instead of trying to train is fucking juvenile (Again I stress I like Nesta). She hates her power as far as I can tell. But she is so low she can't see the wood from the trees. Or the hand that is been given to her.

Does Feyre have a right to be embarrassed. Yes. I'd die of shame if my sister (I have 3 btw) kept at that again and again and again all on my families dime. Without even being polite or respectful to anyone. She's only ever provided for Nesta. Period. Not to mention being a high lady with all the responsibilities that entails. Living her own life (well earned) and well life in general! I mean Jesus, Nesta is not her only priority. She maybe ours lol! But Feyre has 101 things going on. Give her credit. She tried with Nesta several times. Gave her space and time which Nesta wanted while still making the effort to reach out. Nesta needs to acknowledge that. Feyre was bankrolling her self destructive lifestyle and it had to stop.

The whole "your behaviour reflects badly on us". Well yes it does. Nesta doesn't get a free pass. The whole of Pyrithian is rebuilding and our girl is pissing away money. That's not even hers! Her behaviour does undermine the Court, folks must eye roll when IC lay down the law when your sister/ sister in law is prancing around being a with a big fuck you. Everyone is broken and rebuilding. And it's a slap in the face. Is the saving face irrelevant to Nestas issues, yes! But is Feyre allowed to feel fucked over, yes! Sisters say shit when they fight. Arguments are not flawless debates. Their emotive and bring out the worst in people. Feyre darling is feeling the pressure of being high lady and it came out all wrong. Especially when it's your sister acting up.

And Nesta never tried (as far as Feyre can tell) WE know Nesta IS trying, and surviving every day is a battle. But Feyre doesn't. Why would she. Nesta doesn't speak to her. But their relationship is so toxic that it's beyond Feyre to get it. And that is not her fault. NO ONE is perfect. There is only so much responsibility Feyre can CONTINUALLY take.

Rhys being there. I have a feeling that a male will not let his pregnant mate anywhere near someone he is afraid of. It's instinctive. Someone who hasn't trained to control their powers especially. He is on High Lord mode cause guess what he is a High Lord. This is his court and the people in it his responsibility. Not to mention the oncoming drama with the queens on the horizon and general court bullshit. Does he abuse his position of power.... well in this world the HL have the power. Everyone is answerable to one. Even Amren obeys the rules. Nesta doesn't/won't recognize that. Which is rare. They tricked and lied to get her "consent" surprise surprise a dick move from Rhysand/Feyre. We know they will do that for the "greater good". Lie, steal etc all in the name of saving the day. He screwed Morrigan over in front of her ass Father for flip sake! My point is the NC stability is his priority now more than ever if impending fatherhood is on the way. It's no surprise he wants Cassian to take on more responsibility. Nesta is a liability cause she is AWOL. It's worth noting he had this plan for months but Feyre refused preferring to give Nesta space and the opportunity to decide for herself what she wanted. So we could assume if Rhys had his way Amren and Nesta would have still been friends and it would have been far different. Amren would have been by her side. Do I condone his domineering behaviour, no not in a million years. And neither did Feyre. Will he apologise? Probably not he's an arrogant ass. And wanted to control the room. Fact. He wants/needs Nesta on board the team to bolster his ranks. She is that powerful. We KNOW he will do anything to protect his family (baby on the way).

Morrigan and her nasty comment on sending Nesta to The Court of Nightmares. Cassian acknowledges it's an insult but also the truth. That's a harsh fact on how Nesta is percieved right now. But I believe she wouldn't just thrive there, she would CONQUER ;) I don't know if Morrigan is referring to the people that abused her or the "type" of people that live in Hewn City...? Will we give HER the benefit of the doubt... hmmm.

Morrigan and that comment on good people giving Nesta the benefit of the doubt...that's Morrigans issue. She never gave Eris the benefit of the doubt and yet he proved her wrong with Keir. She's all over the place as a result . And she's been lying for 5 centuries. To her family. Cassian said he values the raw honesty that he has with Morrigan. Wow is he going to get a shock some day. Nesta may be a bitch but at least she's an honest one. And Morrigan knows it which must rattle her to no end. Point is Mor isn't supposed to be in this story very much and Nesta never really cared for her opinion anyway. So neither should we. I've checked out of Mor. Knowing she won't give Azriel closure or honesty just makes me not consider her opinion. It suits her to keep Nesta down in the gutter so her lie can continue.

Amren - her behaviour. I have to remind myself Amren is OLD, a stint in the Dungeon is probably a standard response! Her idea after the Summer Court fiasco and the jewels was to go there and crush them. Amren is by nature harsh. Which is why she gets on with Nesta the most. Cassian tells us she cares. Nesta can't see this. Her comment on Nestas sex life in ACOFAS. People ran with that. Fae lifestyles always kind of disgusted her. She wasn't Fae so bodily functions were an alien concept. Now she's Fae she's slightly horrified. Also no one else has much to say on Nesta's bedroom antics. Cause it's a non issue Mass doesn't do slut shaming. So neither should we. Speaking as a woman also here.

Elaine - we know Elaine craves peace and quiet. Confrontation is not her thing. Being there would mean Nesta would use her as a crutch, and I'm not sure Elaine wouldn't cave. Nesta pushed her away on purpose and Elaine choose to try and find some sort of contentment. That's her right and choice. Agree or disagree. She walked away or decided she can't deal with Nestas difficult behaviour. I don't know. Or is she oblivious to the situation ?! Who knows. Elaine is an enigma! It's the first 6 chapters! Right now they are two different people and have been drifting apart since ACOWR. Nesta is a dichotomy of pushing people away and hurt when they stop trying. It's exhausting for the people that have to deal with it. Who are not perfect and have their own issues and lives. Elaine has stepped back from this situation. Because either she recognizes it needs to happen or cannot sway the majority. Though I think Elaine did say something to Feyre, cause when Nesta pressed her she refused to say what Elaine thought. Just that she wasn't there and not part of the issue. Feyre is high handed when it comes to her sisters. Because that's the role they allowed her. Nesta is fighting back. And Feyre takes it personally. Which is only natural. They're sisters.

Cassian! Ah Cassian. He was spectacularly rejected and being around Nesta is a constant reminder. That's enough to make me cringe in a corner. He acknowledges he stayed away cause it hurt too much. He's a soldier and has serious self discipline. He has no idea how his behaviour/comments hurt her until she confronts him. Deliver him a few home truths. Another well deserved kick in the balls. Flirting with Mor, not sure his behaviour there has ever changed. He keeps it normal cause being around Nesta gives him the shakes!! Lol. He is slack jawed after Nesta and wants her badly, passion we know is big thing for them. It ignites them. Raw and real. Recognising Morrigan is aesthetically beautiful is just a fact. We know she's a looker. So what. Meh to this issue some people have.

We know from spoilers they start training and communicating and Mass is a Nessain ship so I'm excited to see this grow and flourish! I've read spoilers here on these two so I've no qualms.

Cassian for me is right. He and others have been through similar situations before so can empathise. But until she answers him back without snapping he won't be able to be that shoulder to lean on or turn too. He's not going to be her Prince though. Nesta is her own Queen!

I've read some spoilers on her friendships and I'm so happy. I've no idea how it will go but it says to me that the IC have a block when it comes to Nesta and don't see her the way others do and Nesta opens up to people who don't have a predisposed prejudice.

Also the IC have no idea how Nesta is going to react at any stage. It's like walking around on eggshells. Why would anyone actively choose to be around someone like that. That and very obvious fact they are BUSY AF. They don't have time to have a daily bollicking from Nesta. Yet all fall in when the plan is announced. Make what you will of that.

Some further musings:

Nesta being reminded she has to be respectful to Clotho and the priestesses is sobering. Like wow, people can't trust you will have basic manners. Again I know this is Feyre saying it but Christ to worry about that. Will be interesting with Gwyn and that friendship and a nice reality check for the IC.

I spent 4 God damn books understanding Rhys motives. He's a prick yes. Which I enjoy. But the bastard people are making him out to be I don't agree. Half of Pyrethian hates/hated him, Nesta hating him won't stress him. Or her for that matter. They have a 2 people they both care about in common and will just have to deal.

Training in Illyria, well Nesta is powerful, training in the mountains is probably damage control if she explodes. And a change of scenery from her prison!

Rhys was controlled for 50 years, Amren escaped worlds to be free. I don't believe they want to control Nesta.

Families are messy and fucked up. The intervention is a perfect example of how arseways it can get.

Azriel being Azriel I'm not sure about anything with him right now. I've read the snippets and spoilers and I'm all over the place. He is one of my favourites. FYI when I say IC I never mean Azriel I don't know why but I always imagine he finds it just plain drama and avoids it at all costs. Nesta is drinking and gambling away her life. Okay! Nesta is now training and we are all on board to help. Okay! Nesta is a powerful Queen and we are all afraid. Okay! Nesta has turned Cassian into a drooling mess and hes ass is hers. Excellent ;)

Sisters! They need to deal and respect each others independence. They are all in the wrong. It's just annoying at this stage. Personally I'll rip into my sisters when I need to but usually get a red mist when anyone else does. Even if they are in the wrong. I have a habit of always defending them.

So overall the angst killed me in the first 6 chapters. Did Rhys dominant shite irritate me? Yes. Do I want Nesta to make it clear she's not a pawn in his/their world? Yes. In spectacular fashion please.

Did Feyre handle it well? No. Does she ever deal with Nesta well? No. Perhaps only when Nesta is more inclined to talk. Which is rare. The ultimatum we know from Cassian sickened Feyre she recognizes it for what it is it but really cannot see any other option. Her fault or a combination of factors you decide. It was hyper tense situation we all just wanted to get through.

Would we be so angry if this was a soft approach headed by Elaine/Feyre/Amren? Would Nesta even react?

Cassian compared Nesta to a sleeping dragon who has just been woken up. Nesta needed a kick in teeth. A major reality check. Life in Pyrethian is hard. This a fae world. She is angry and incensed they have dared to 'interfere' and 'assume' she will be controlled. I want her to tackle her demons, confront her fears her issues with herself and others and live! Live! I've no idea what she wants and can't wait to find out.

***I've read some spoilers on the end. The rumours and the actual basic plot ending. I'm like Mass I love a HEA. And am hopeful I'll be satisfied. I had a similar theory when I heard the pregnancy rumour. A move by Nesta that would never have anyone doubt her.

#acosf spoilers #a court of silver flames #acofs #nessian #nesta archeron #nesta and azriel brotp

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the-blind-assassin-12 · 4 years

Text

Lonely Stranger

Word Count: 1,340 (+ lyrics- in bold italics) Character: Ryan Brenner A/N: This was a real damn treat for me to write, as well as an agonizing experience. I’ll explain a little more. Title of this drabble and lyrics used belong to Eric Clapton, not Ryan Brenner or I... and if you haven’t heard the song, please listen before, during or after you read this.

(ARTIST APPRECIATION SUBMISSION)

Happy Sunday everyone! I am so pumped to share this next submission for the fanart appreciation event, for many reasons. First of all, the art itself is literally breathtaking. The incredible attention to the smallest of details in this not only show how badass this artist is, but perfectly mirror Ryan’s attention to the little things. The moment that I got this submission from @something-tofightfor to write for the piece that @gollyderek did that was inspired by Neon Lights, I just about exploded with excitement. First of all, Neon Lights is my favorite piece of fanfiction on this or any plane of existence. If you haven’t read it you absolutely have to. Secondly, Laura’s artwork for it was and still is my happy place because it so perfectly depicts the magic of the moment that reader first sees Ryan. In fact, it makes lots of people’s days better, Laura. When she submitted this request, Rachael told me that this artwork makes her happy even on bad days.

So the chance to write about not only a beautiful work of art, but one inspired by a beautiful work of fiction was sort of fricking amazing! I decided (with @something-tofightfor ‘s blessing, of course- Thanks for trusting me, Rachael!) to write this from Ryan’s POV.

Anyway! I could continue to gush about how talented both of these ladies are and how much both of their works mean to me, but let’s get on with it. Laura, from Rachael (and I) to you: THANK YOU FOR GIFTING US ALL WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART. YOU ARE TALENTED. YOU ARE APPRECIATED. YOU ARE A FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH. Keep fuckin shit up in the best way.

(Can you hear him singing? I can. Good Lord, I can.)

Lonely Stranger

Once his fingers began to work at the strings, the guitar in Ryan’s lap stopped being separate from him. Hunched over the body and curved around the neck, he let the faces in the small crowd that had gathered disappear and gave all of his focus to the song he was playing. While he enjoyed playing for people, even taking requests to ensure that he played things that they actually knew and wanted to hear, what he enjoyed the most about music was the way that it didn’t begin and end with just his voice or his guitar. It required more than that. Soul and memory. Joy and mistakes. Got plenty’a both.

Making music was about feeling all of these things and using them to say something through song, regardless of whether or not it was one he’d written. It was his chance to talk to people he might otherwise not get the opportunity to. Just as they slipped beneath the notes he played and the lyrics he sang, he felt himself become invisible to them. His dusty boots, stained jeans, roughly inked digits and all of the preconceived notions that they carried became muted details that mattered less and less with every pluck and pass of his fingers and thumbs, every line he belted out. Ryan became invisible enough to connect with these strangers, just enough to make them smile and keep him believing that people were better on the whole than the worst of their parts.

They didn’t mind that they’d never see him again, and the older he got and the more he traveled, he realized that he didn't either. Ryan had a few people in his life that he knew would always be a part of it- Georgie and a couple of the friends that they played with together, Virginia, even if every day it got closer to too long since he’d seen her. Cowboy, even though he was gone. Ryan’s closed eyelids wrinkled as he connected that loss to the story he was telling with his song.

I must be invisible No one knows me. I have crawled down dead-end streets On my hands and knees.

The people who knew him weren’t the ones standing in front of him as he sat perched on a milk crate suspended over the Strip. Those people were scattered elsewhere, acting as anchors for him to return to when needed, as he was to them- people who understood him, accepted him beyond what they could see and without trying to change him. Those people were few and far between, both figuratively and in miles, and Ryan had recently decided that that was for the best. He hadn’t left his home looking for someplace to settle into a new one, he’d done it to live on his own terms. It had been years since he’d met someone who had seen him beneath what they guessed about him, those guesses more often than not being wrong, so he’d stopped hoping for it.

'cause I'm a lonely stranger here, Well beyond my day. And I don't know what's goin' on, So I'll be on my way.

It was easier to just make these little connections through music, to focus on the details of the city he was in. The skyline, the way clouds gathered and the colors that they cast over the landscape, cobbled streets and gravel roads, highways and bright lights and everything that made each place he visited different from the one before. That’s why he’d chosen the life he had, regardless of what people thought, and it was easier to enjoy those things than it was to try to find another person who saw them the way that he did, saw his lifestyle as a series of intentional choices and not one of circumstantial consequence.

The desert heat hadn’t left with the sunlight, and though sweat ran in beads between his shoulder blades and left salty trails from his forehead and temples that dried on his skin before reaching his beard, he hardly noticed. He opened his eyes briefly as he played between lyrics, a few more people stepping up to join the audience, their featureless faces reflecting the colors of the neon lights that brought the city to life. Just people on vacation, checking “watch a street performer” off of their Vegas to-do list. Crinkled dollar bills and a small cache of coins littered the lining of the guitar case at his feet, and he was grateful for every cent of it because it allowed him to continue to live the life he wanted, even if it meant becoming a small detail in the scrapbooks of other people’s lives.

He blinked as a drop of sweat rolled into his eye, and shook his head to clear it without missing a beat. Opening both eyes again, Ryan expected to be met with the same cluster of strangers that he’d just seen, but where before when his eyes had been able to skim across the crowd with ease, this time they found a sticking point- a young woman standing off to the side in a simple black dress, a soft pink glow illuminating her from behind. What? Ryan’s brow wrinkled, and he gave another small shake of his head as though trying to clear a mirage from his mind.

But you were still there, your eyes wide and your mouth slightly open, body entirely still. But she’s… listening. Ryan closed his eyes, tight, and sunk himself back into the song. Doesn’t matter.

Some will say that I'm no good; Maybe I agree. Take a look then walk away. That's alright with me.

But you hadn’t heeded the warning in the song. You’d stuck around as most of the crowd dispersed, continuing on to the destinations that his presence on the bridge had delayed them from. Why? He looked down as you tossed a bill into the case, the green paper landing on the small pile of other bills but standing out starkly due to the number in the corner being much higher than any that it sat atop. Oh. That’s…

“That’s too much, you don’t have to-” he said aloud, assuming that you’d meant to slip something smaller into the case. Bringing his eyes up to yours, they locked onto something there that surprised him. Lips suddenly dry, his tongue darted out to wet them. “Please, that’s not-”

But you wouldn’t let it go, insisting that he take the tip and the praise that came along with it. You didn’t run off, having checked a box and eager to check another, but stepped aside as he briefly thanked those that did have somewhere else to be. You stayed through another song- one he’d written- watching and listening with the same look on your face, closer now, the curve of your cheek and the tip of your nose highlighted by the yellow orange glow of a different set of lights. She’s… he thanked the couple in front of him, giving them a genuine smile and telling them to have a nice evening, but he was still stuck on your eyes. She’s stunning but I...it... When you’d overheard him answer someone else’s question of what his name was, you hadn’t waited for him to introduce himself to you before using it yourself, and when you did he could feel the way that his own eyes lightened, smiling from the unexpected way you’d maintained the connection that others so easily dropped the second the last note faded.

Close enough now to see even more than he’d been able to before, Ryan realized what had made you different, even if he couldn’t fathom how he knew it. She’s been lonely, too. Knows it's not all bad, bein’ alone. It wasn’t sadness in your eyes that gave that away, it was clarity. Damn. But instead of looking for a way to cut it off, Ryan held onto the connection that the two of you shared, offering to play a song of your choosing.

To him, your choice had only confirmed what he didn’t know how he knew about you. The odd comfort and jarring change of being seen, even if just for the length of a few songs adding to the list of things he’d add to the guitar, to his voice: Soul and memory. Joy and mistakes.

And this… no matter what category tonight falls into.

And now I am going to go cry about how much I love Ryan Brenner and this perfectly frozen moment in time that @gollyderek captured from @something-tofightfor ‘s beautiful words. SWOON and SIGH. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it even if it made me nervous AF and choosing a song for Ryan to be singing was more difficult than it should have been. Thank you a million times to all of you fabulous artists! If you are an artist in the Ben Barnes fandom, or you want to surprise an artist with a quick drabble based on their art, send me a message and link me to the posted artwork. Let’s show these talented folks how much we appreciate them and the things that they create!

#ben barnes fanart appreciation #ben barnes fanart #ben barnes character fanart #gollyderek #something tofightfor #neon lights #ryan brenner #ryan brenner fanart

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