You know what? I’m gonna say it: Thomas Astruc is just the gender-flipped version of VivziePop!

Hello, I was wondering how you feel about the "Cat Blanc" ML episode? It thought it strange for reasons I can't really articulate so I was hoping to read your thoughts. I am not that good at analysis but I love your episode reviews. They are very insightful and usual help me understand why I liked/didn't like a certain episode.

A belated review/analysis of Chat Blanc! Here we go!

So, Chat Blanc… It wasn't all that great, now, was it?

The good:

Gabriel's motives are made crystal clear once more, which makes his pushing them to their very limits all the more shocking. The Agreste family vault looks impressive, almost church-like, it's some pretty strong imagery. Not outstandingly original but pretty good stuff nevertheless.

Angry Rose is funny.

Marinette's “Know what I won't take for an answer?” and a smash cut to Nathalie's “No.” That's good comedy.

Ladybug goofing around in the Burrow. It's harmless, she's a kid, these different points in time look interesting.

Chat Blanc's future looks eery and white and blue and it really works, we rarely see post-apocalyptic landscapes like this one, usually it's all muddy and dark and this isn't the case here. I appreciate that. The first wide shot in which the camera spins around Montparnasse tower is great.

Chat Blanc's animation is really creepy and for the most part, it's intentional.

if you’re a sucker for mid 2000s evil sadboys aesthetics, you’ll love this.

Have a montage of Adrienette being sickeningly cute.

I’m watching this in French and let me tell you, Benjamin Bollen might have to work with terrible lines but he’s doing a damn fine job with them

That shot in which the debris and Ladybug break the water’s surface, the bubbles and all… It looks great. I don’t know who is in charge of this but it looked genuinely great.

Chat Noir’s akumatisation and his trying to control his power and not hurt anybody is pretty great, as a concept.

The final scene is a nice parallel to the one earlier in the episode. Repetition with variation is an easy way to make me like things and it works nicely.

The bad:

The Girl Squad bullying Marinette is… Eh.

Stalkerish obsessed Marinette is a joke that overstayed its welcome by that point. Had this been an early season 2 joke, it would have worked. It's a late season 3 joke, it's honestly a bit creepy at this point.

That reveal is fanfic-worthy. It feels really light, and not as big a deal as would have been the case if that episode had any consequences. You can already tell this'll be retconned by the end of the episode.

Bunnyx's burrow. It's unimpressive. It's neither bizarre enough nor flashy enough to really work for me. And that TARDIS joke made me roll my eyes.

If you hate mid 2000s evil sadboys aesthetics, you’ll hate this.

They re-use the same two cars for Ladybug to jump on and it’s pretty obvious. There are smart ways of recycling assets. This isn’t one of them.

Wow, that’s a terrible first kiss, the shot is… Pretty bad.

Gabriel being an asshole and breaking Adrienette up for the stupidest, most selfish reasons feels unfair and that’s the point… But also that scene at the bakery is pretty lame, it doesn’t flow very well, the characters are oddly static and not expressive enough for it to be striking, the lighting doesn’t work with the mood of the scene at all. It feels abrupt, yes, but also cheap.

“It was our love that did this to the world milady.” What a stupid, edgy line.

Bad low-res textures being stretched are clearly visible in quite an awful lot of shots.

Wow. Destroyed Paris is the exact same city as usual, just as empty, only this time they replaced the sky with a “water surface” animation loop. It’s… Underwhelming. You had a great concept and this is what you do with it?

Can you believe they made destruction on a cosmic scale look so bland? How do you mess up that bad?

That confrontation between Hawk Moth and our heroes. This should be season finale material. It’s considerably cheapened.

The ugly:

With the few exceptions listed above, the rendering is not good at all, the lighting is flat and inexpressive which could give everything a kind of otherworldly feel if only used in some sequences (and that would be clever!)… Only it's off, all of the time. Chat Blanc is the only character that looks okay in his timeline.

The animation is off when it shouldn't be, outside of the exception listed earlier. Everything is much too stiff, characters' expressions are off, the timing is off. It's a shame, really. The action sequences are decently boarded but look pretty bad.

“Just because I know her secret identity doesn't mean she has to know about mine.” That's a terrible line. And we're supposed to be rooting for that kid. That's not how healthy relationships work, the episode never addresses that because Adrien is perfect, he's just sad and understandably troubled by these revelations.

Do you remember when Gabriel was shown to care for his son, the complex character drama that could have arisen from that? Well it sure as hell ain’t there.

That Guy boarded that episode. He has a weird, err, fixation on a 14yo girl’s butt and makes sure to include a shot in which it is shoved at the viewers’ faces. Seriously? What is wrong with you? If you so badly want to sexualise characters, it’s not like there aren’t any adults in Miraculous.

Perfectly good ideas are skimmed over in a matter of seconds because this episode is only 22 minutes long. The audience is bombarded with pretty major turning points in a matter of seconds and can barely process any of them.

If the point of your episode is, “it’s better if it doesn’t exist” then you obviously shouldn’t be making this episode… Right? Seems pretty obvious to me, but apparently it isn’t since Chat Blanc exists.

That end card has Hawk Moth look like he’s rolling his eyes and so was I by the end of this episode. The overwhelming feeling of all of this for nothing but the reassertion that these two are “made for each other” which, yawn.

Perfectly good ideas wasted on an episode with mediocre writing and bad animation and rendering.

It's a pretty forgettable episode, funnily enough, I had to rewatch it to be able to write this review.

Hope this helped, Anon! Thanks for the compliment!

Didn’t Need Burrow (July 13th-July 19th)

Anonymous asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: No matter how badly Alya going behind Marinette's back to let Nino know that she's still Rena blows up in the heroes' faces, the series will act as though the REAL lesson is that Ladybug should have trusted Chat Noir with HER secret identity.

Which is going to be so “hilarious” when Marinette now has confirmed trauma from “Chat Blanc.”

emikogale asked:

I don't need a burrow to know that similar to Kagami, Luka will do a 180 and declare Marinette and Adrien are "ZOMG! Made for each other!"

Bonus if the episode itself showcases the typical reasons why the love square is awful.

Anonymous asked:

DNB to know Maribug will start to have feelings for Chat after his big blow up this season (AND/OR) the big reveal

Bonus: Adrichat starts having feelings for Marinette after the reveal (kinda already confirmed in ChatBlanc ik but I mean it happens in the canon timeline too)

Ah, the eventual “joy” of Marinette falling for the guy she’s constantly picking up the slack of. :|

neyla9 asked:

DNB: At some point, we're gonna get an It's a Wonderful Life-style episode, showing Marinette or Adrien a timeline where they didn't exist Hawk Moth won or got more miraculouses and everything is awful; if it focuses on Marinette, everyone in this alternate timeline will blame and shame her for not being there, telling her it's all her fault this happened. If it focuses on Adrien, everyone will coddle and love him and talk about what a shame it is that they were never able to meet him before. Bonus points if Marinette/Adrien meet the Chat Noir/Ladybug of this timeline, and it is just the exact same thing: Chat Noir being angry at Marinette for not being there, and Ladybug stroking Adrien's ego about how funny and amazing he is, and it's no wonder she failed to defeat Hawk Moth when she didn't have him.

Honestly, just the episode being “It’s a Wonderful Life” style in general is a red flag regardless of what they do.

If they do one where everyone’s actually better off, it’ll be in specific areas to be some sort of lesson on how Marinette isn’t 100% perfect and she needs to strive to be better. If they do one where everyone’s worse off, it’ll be a lesson on how Marinette needs to solve everyone’s problems and squeeze herself dry.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Alya will ultimately be PRAISED for lying to Marinette about the Nino situation and/or other matters, because Mari is Always Wrong.  Even if her fears about the potential consequences of Nino Knowing prove 100% justified, the fallout is blamed 100% on HER, while Alya is absolved of all blame and told her judgment was sounder and that she was Right to not listen to Marinette.

The thing that terrifies me most about this one is the fact that they would clearly go for this idea that Marinette has been working herself into a panic over “nothing” despite the fact that MARINETTE HAS BEEN TAUGHT THESE RULES, SHE DIDN’T MAKE THEM UP.

It’ll basically be like Alya brushing her off in “The Puppeteer 2” (with the whole “nooo, I didn’t tell him anything... and even if I did--ugh, it doesn’t matter!”) but worse.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Marinette renounces the Miracle Box and passes it on to Alya, nobly forfeiting all her Miraculous-related memories in the process.  Alya promptly makes her Ladybug again.  This does NOT restore her memories, but is used as an easy excuse for her to make more mistakes/suffer for her inexperience.  Alya, Adrien, Tikki and others angst over her 'selfish decision' while Mari is expected to just keep trucking along, accepting all the blame and responsibility heaped upon her shoulders.

Honestly, it’ll probably be used as some sort of triumphant thing, like we as an audience aren’t supposed to be happy at her giving up Ladybug so this is supposed to be a good thing that she’s getting it back.

Anonymous asked:

DNB: Love Square gets reversed by Marinette giving up Guardianship to Alya and losing her memories.  Alya forces her to be Ladybug again, starting over from scratch, and she starts falling for her 'more experienced' partner.  Adrien, meanwhile, resents the reset because he hates that she's forgotten him, that he has to be more responsible (actual responsibility on his part optional), and other self-centered reasons, so he takes it out on her.

How did you make the above one even worse, I’m hurting!!

Anonymous asked:

DNB: The fact that Nino BLATANTLY STALKED ALYA when he suspected her of two-timing him with Chat Noir will be used as justification for Adrien amping up his own behavior and trying to stalk/spy on Ladybug, because iT's NoT fAiIiIiIiR that she's not giving him everything he wants, relationship and all.

God, these two just giving each other “””advice.”””

Anonymous asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: That Lukanette Instagram Scene was meant to push the LS or LukZoe agenda :)

:)

Part of me is just waiting for Marinette to reveal her identity with Luka in consideration of them trying again, but Luka misunderstands in someway due to Adrien being nearby and he tells her all about how he’ll support her with Adrien (bonus if LukZoe has either happened off-screen or is clearly going well) and Marinette is just, “o-oh... yeah, right--”

Because Marinette is always late to everything since she’s living two lives at the same time and doesn’t have room to sort out how she feels at the same speed as everyone else.

Anonymous asked:

Didn't Need Burrow: Chat will get angry about LB refusing a reveal when Rena and Cara know each other's identities. He'll act like he has a right to know and since she's the Guardian now the rules should be different. They have an argument and hello, Chat Blanc 2. Alternatively they will reveal themselves and Marinette will be upset her crush is the same guy who won't take "no" for an answer.

I’ve basically just accepted “Chat should’ve been told first/Chat had a right to know,” and it’s just a matter of how...

Anonymous asked:

Don't Need a Burrow: Finally we will get Ladybug with wings... but this will be due to Wings Power-Up potion. Obviously Chat Noir and Rena Rogue/Furvit will also get this power-up.

If she gets nice things, Chat has to get it too.

(no, I don’t count Charm Bug considering that that’s just them putting her slightly closer to having an outfit as complex as his)

Anonymous asked:

Sort of a theory but putting in as Didn’t Need Burrow: The love square will switch with ladybug starting to feel like Chat Noir is more respectful and helps keep her balanced (she doesn’t know about his emotions so don’t anyone try and pin that on her) and Adrichat will start to like Marinette as she provides him comfort (even if she might not know the full extent). This is all done for the big ladynoir fallout to *drumroll* hurt Maribug in the most possible way!! (This can be manipulated however you like, I just wanted to share my thoughts 💖) ((And to anti-salters who want to call me out for this thought, >;P ))

So basically, Ladybug/Marinette getting closer to their respective interests just to make the hurt for her all the stronger.

Adds up, honestly.

Hey! You're a fan of Bee Holder AUs right?

I got one on the Chlolix Blog (one of my side blogs).

It's called the "Bee Sisters" au if you didn't know.

Basically Chloé and Zoé have a better relationship as sisters & they actually share the Bee Miraculous.

That...actaully sounds like a really cool AU! I'll look into it when I get a chance, ok?

TBH, my feelings about Chloe and her character tends to go back and forth (same with Zoe Lee). I was a anti Chloe fan back in the old days when I first got into Miraculous, but now? I have a “love and hate” relationship with Chloe. I tend to go back in forth with her. 

One minute, I REALLY dislike her and think she doesn’t deserve a miraculous. However, whether if we like it or not, Miracle Queen (episode) IS canon now. Also, it doesn’t seem TOO OOC for her to mess up at the last minute to me, despite what Thomas wants.

However, I really relate to Chloe! She actaully reminds me of myself while I was growing up. She’s an example of bratty kids who aren’t evil, but just need the right guidance. Also, I DO admit that she’s funny sometimes, and I DID like how it seemed like she was improving, even if it was a little bit every episode. 

I also like Queen Bee and her whole set up! Her homemade bee light/symbol, her secret base, her father using the whole floor of the hotel for a private gym for Chloe to train etc. But alas, I honestly feel that if Chloe EVER redeems it probably will be in the last few episodes in the series 😓 Chloe is certain...a very...complex character. All in all, Chloe is ok, but I just don’t like what she does (and I hate it when people justify it and act like she doesn’t do anything wrong ALL THE TIME). 

As for Zoe Lee and Vesperia? Even though I do agree that Zoe is a very controversial character like her sister, Zoe is....a bit bland. I feel like she was only added:

-To be a EXACT replacement of Chloe/Queen Bee, but 100% nicer.

-To be a Marinette/Rose/Sabrina copy.

-To be Thomas’s over-glorified creator’s pet.

...However, I still have faith that Zoe WILL get more character depth in the future, because honestly? I’m REALLY enjoying season 4 so far and it seems like it’s starting to get in depth with a lot of topics and plots. So I’m just here supporting and routing for Zoe’s character growth and improvement! Listen, I'm always down for more fics and AUs that puts both the sisters in a good light! 

Also, am I the only one who wants these kind of AUs to happen in the actaul show? Have Chloe still get POSTIVIE character development, while have Zoe gain more depth and character? And while we're at it, how about we create a way where both Queen Bee and Vesperia can CO-EXIST with each other, be supportive of one another? Sure, that don't have to be prefect, but knowing Chloe at least tries her best WHILE having Zoe still love her sister despite still calling her out every now and then, it's just VERY wholesome to me😌

I imagine 3 ways that this can work:

1). There's actaully a wasp miraculous/Kwami out there. What if Ladybug and Chat Noir finds it? What if Chloe shows good behavior and growth, they even entrust her with the Wasp, or give it to Zoe in place of the bee miraculous? And then give the bee to Chloe?

2). Some plot device, “AU Trip”, or something that messes up reality can cause the bee miraculous to duplicate it’s self, which again, if Chloe shows good behavior and growth, they can entrust her with the bee miraculous again.

3). Tied with number 2, Shadowmoth finally learns how to duplicate certain kinds of miraculouses and he chooses the bee as a test run. Somehow, Ladybug gets it and keeps it until she finds another trustful ally to hold it. And, of course, maybe that can be Chloe once she improves?

For one, two, or all of these reasons, the bee sisters can co-exist with each other, improve their relationship, work together, train together and all of this would just be so wholesome to me 🥰🥰🥰

Just some ideas that I wanted share for this blog! I know the Chloe v.s. Zoe wars is a thing and probably won’t die anytime soon, but for fans of Chloe AND Zoe, lets keep supporting a more healthier relationship between them in hopes one day it will get better for the both of them! :)

🐝GO BEE SISTERS!🐝

~Buzz Out

Those Worth Fighting For Part seven

Part one          Part two

Part three        Part four

Part five           Part six

Part Seven (You’re here)       Part eight 

Taglist:

@ladybug-182 @fruit-snacc-ace @miraculous-simmer7 @lavenderjunes 

@use-flamethrower @fan-written @all-mights-asscheeks @birdie-posts

Sorry if the tags aren’t working, I tried and I’m not sure where I went wrong with it? 

If I have time the next part will come out with some art! Don’t expect the art to be any good though lol

“So then, I go to the window and there is Adrien on Kagami’s front lawn with a big sign that says prom on it, and by the way neither of us knew he was going to be in France at all. It was a total surprise. So I’m so shocked my mind completely blanks out and I shout down to him that yes, I’ll go to prom with him. He yells back ‘tall Kagami’ and I turn around and just ‘your boyfriend just asked to go to prom with me.’ Without skipping a beat she leans out of the window and tells him he’s too late, she already asked me.” Marinette laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye that began to form from how hard she was trying to not burst into a fit of giggles until the story ended. “In the end the three of us went to prom together.”

The four around the table shook their heads. “Mari, dude, if you can’t get through that story without laughing how are you supposed to do your toast?”

“I’ll just practice it a lot until it’s no longer funny to me, simple. I’m not even going to worry about it anymore.” The blue haired girl shrugged. When she was younger she would have worried about that, but she was long since past that. At least, she hoped she was. She had done enough interviews with Alya in her teen years, and then enough speeches as Ladybug to fill her with a confidence she lacked as a teen. She was nervous, but instead of the all consuming nervousness that would make her fumble and trip over her words it was now an excited nervousness. She was excited about it. 

“I think you’ll do fine,” Felix winked at her, his face never changing from the impartial look he had on since he came into the restaurant.

They all had made their way back to the same place after the amok, even if Felix was late once again. The blond had made his excuses of needing to take care of some errands that he had forgotten, but it hadn’t mattered much to any of them. Marinette had saved a seat next to her for him and he was more than happy to take it.

“Why not talk about the moment you realized those two were perfect for each other?” Nathaniel asked, playing with the straw in his drink. “I know you have a million stories about that.”

“Something like Adrien saving Kagami from a bully, or a dance of just the two of them where they lock eyes and suddenly the whole room disappears?” Marc hummed, their author brain going into overdrive at the thought of romance. “Maybe you saw him protect her against an akuma or amok?”

Marinette thought for a moment. What was it that made her realize that they belonged together? After all those years fawning over Adrien, it was Kagami’s love for him that made her step down, but what was the exact moment? 

“It was at Chloe’s fifteenth birthday party.” Marinette started, recalling the time before Hawkmoth had lost and her world began to fall apart and fix itself simultaneously. “Adrien’s dad thought it would be a good idea for Kagami to go with him and keep an eye on his son, and they started the evening miserable because the paparazzi outside the hotel told them that they always looked so perfect that it made sense that they would be perfect together. I only got to spend a few minutes with them before being pulled away by Chloe, but when I went to find them and bring them some hot chocolate they were on the roof ruffling each other's hair and talking about anime, and goofing around like I hadn’t seen either of them do before.” 

“They saw that the other understood their background and chose to help break out of that image with each other and just be kids.” Felix’s words surprised her, but he understood exactly what had happened. 

“They were so embarrassed when they saw me that I challenged them both to hot chocolate drinking contests to ease the awkwardness. They didn’t even realize I didn’t have one for myself before chugging theirs and burning their mouths at the same time.” Her two messy friends meant the world to her, and she knew no one would understand them like they understood each other. Both of them had strict parents that would only let them escape and be kids when they were with the other, and they took those opportunities and made every moment count. They were what each other needed, and then when they got their freedoms they were still the ones they chose. “I think that’s also when they stopped acting perfect in front of me. Adrien really started to bug me to watch anime so he could talk about it with someone other than his girlfriend, and Kagami soon demanded to be my dress up doll because she never got to do that growing up. They became my best friends and honestly, I think I’m better for it too.”

“How romantic.” Marc swooned, leaning against Nathaniel who caught his significant other with a laugh. “Childhood friends, to rivals, to lovers. 50K slowburn.”

“Once there was an akuma trying to hurt Adrien and Kagami picked up the nearest weapon she could find and just went at ‘em and I have never seen Adrien’s face light up like that. The boy just wants to be loved and protected.” Nino joined in. “Alya and I were shocked, we both had our money on Adrien ending up with someone else, but we’re both happy about it. Speaking of which, I gotta update her on what’s going on here. She’ll flip.”

Felix shifted in his seat, catching Marinette’s eye as Nathaniel and Marc continued talking about Kagami and Adrien’s relationship. He wasn’t there for all those moments, he wasn’t a long term friend of everyone so he didn’t know Alya or Chloe and she wouldn’t doubt it if he had felt out of place in the conversation. 

“Pst,” she scooted herself over, getting closer to him and leaning over to whisper at him. “You look nice today.”

Felix blinked in surprise. Within seconds his face was growing warm and he used his hand to cover the lower half of his face as inconspicuously as possible. “Aren’t I the one who’s supposed to say that, Miss. Dupain-Cheng?”

“I’m afraid I beat you to it, Mr. Graham De Vanily.” She whispered back. “But it’s okay, you might get me next time.”

How long had it been since she was able to flirt with someone without losing herself in the what-if’s and teenaged anxiety that had plagued her? How had one battle fighting side by side with Ryuko, Alley Cat, and the others given her so much confidence that she hadn’t had even during the fight itself? Was it that damned cat’s words? He had unknowingly complimented her to her face and she was still beaming with pride over being called brilliant. Being complimented on her looks was nice, but the way he had complimented her on her mind was something else. She supposed that was what did it, after all. Being told that she was great because of who she was and not because of how she looked filled her with a pride she didn’t even want to describe lest it dampened the feeling inside her chest. 

“Well then, until next time, you look wonderful. You’re outfit choice is on point, as always.” His comment hit straight to her heart. There it was again. A comment on something she chose being good. “And although you are trying to start a fire with my face, I am enjoying this time with you away from colour pallets and order forms. I like seeing this other side of you, Marinette.”

“I’d like to say the same thing, but it has come to my attention that you seem to only wear suits, Felix. This is the same side of you I always see.” She couldn’t help her grin. There was a strange formal banter between them that she found exhilarating. In it’s own way it made her feel like part of the aristocratic world that he and Adrian and Kagami belonged to, without having to deal with the fakeness that the latter two often complained about. “Dare I say, I don’t believe you own anything that isn’t a suit.”

“I’d hate to inform you of this, but you’re incorrect on that front.” Felix moved the hand that was covering his face to let himself rest his chin upon it. “I do, and I’d prefer it if you don’t go to the press with this, own a few sets of pajamas.”

“And are they silk and made to look like a suit?” She asked, now leaning against him to softly poke at his arm. “I bet you had them custom made so that you would never appear unprofessional.” 

“Well, well, aren’t you curious to see my pajamas? Shame you won’t get to see them until our fourth date.” Felix leaned his head against hers, and her heart began to race. 

“So, are you two actually a thing?” Nino’s voice broke them out of their moment. Marinette and Felix realized how it must have looked to the others and immediately sat straight in their seats. 

Nathaniel elbowed Nino in the ribs. “Dude!”

“What? I’m just trying to clear things up for my daily Alya report.” Nino tried to defend himself from the onslaught of hands trying to hit him from Marc and Nathaniel. “It gets complicated sometimes and you know my girl won’t let anything rest until she has all the info!”

“If Miss. Dupain-Cheng would like to, as you put it, actually be a thing, then I would be honoured to.” He said it so simply that Marinette wasn’t sure why she had hesitated before. He did like her. 

“Only if you wear your pajamas to our next late night planning session.” Marinette wasn’t willing to let the pajamas slide. “I have to see you out of a suit before we get all lovey dovey. It’s a rule.”

“Did you make that rule just for me?”

“Of course.”

“Well, don’t I feel special.” Felix thought to himself, making a bit of a show of it as he tossed his head side to hide. His braid that previously rested on his shoulder now swinging back and forth behind him, looking like a cat's tail as it got ready to play. “I think I have room to negotiate here, so if I may I am going to put the added condition that you must also wear your pajamas.”

“I don’t think this is supposed to be a business transaction, dude,” Nino tried, but Marinette held her hand up. She could negotiate. 

“I’ll accept those terms on the condition that you buy coffee, and we get to watch a movie together with some popcorn.” Marinette raised her brow, daring Felix to try to get a better deal out of her. 

“If I am purchasing coffee, popcorn, and a movie, then I will push for some baked goods from your parents bakery.” Felix held out his hand. “Well?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mr. Graham De Vanily, but I accept your terms.” Marinette took his hand and shook it. That was the most fun she had ever had while figuring out plans for a date, and she knew she’d have more fun watching the movie with Felix than she just did. “A movie date in our pajamas with snacks it is.”

“I’ll pick you up friday night at eight?” 

“I can’t wait to see your suit pajamas.”

“I bet you have frills on yours.”

“And you don’t?”

Miraculous New Jersey Special Part 1/3

1 /2 /3

Miraculous rewritten masterlist

Miraculous New Jersey masterlist

Summary: The class is going to Metropolis! Marinette has to decide if her crush on Damian is really worth it if he's not looking for love, Jon has to worry about his relatives liking his superhero boyfriend but on top of it all, Hawkmoth follows them there and Batman and Superman might not like their kids going back to Paris. Everything is legal in New Jersey.

...

Jon looked up seeing a mass of birds flying over him and sighed ready to have to make some sort of excuse to slip away from Damian who would, in turn, do the same.

"It's the bird guy again," Jon said smiling as Mr. Pigeon on round 69 at this point and a pigeon landed on Damian's head pecking him once before Damian shooed it away aggressively with his hand.

"I HATE BIRDS! They are literally flying rodents!" Damian yelled as another pigeon attacked him walking along with Jon.

"Funny coming from you, what do you think about this whole field trip thing to you know, home?" Jon asked as a pigeon landed on his shoulder and ladybugs fixed everything around them. Marinette and Adrien had everything handled this time so Jon was finally able to catch up with Damian and not run off as Multimouse or Superboy.

"I'm sure it'll be just fine, we're going to Metropolis not Gotham at least they won't be on father's territory," Damian said and Jon just sighed.

"I personally can't wait, dad's gonna meet Adrien for real this time and who knows maybe my teen wishes of having a boyfriend that my dad actually approves of might come true," Jon said hands held together smiling like a little lovesick girl.

"Ugh, I'm gonna vomit," Damian said shoving Jon who laughed shoving his hands in his pockets. "You are the exact reason why I don't do relationships," Damian added standing outside his residence.

"You never know who you might find Damian, keep an open mind," Jon said looking slightly above him to see Ladybug swinging away clearly heartbroken.

"What a great start to a weird day," Chat yelled off the rooftop behind Jon and Damian rolled his eyes opening the door to Nino's giving a nod to Jon and closing the door behind him.

"I just want them to get together already," Jon said as Chat landed next to him throwing an arm around his shoulder.

"Think, a week of bonding in Metropolis will have to get them together, there's no way they both come out of this single," Chat said and Jon frowned.

"Promise?" Jon asked and Chat tugged at the collar of his uniform nervously.

"Well, not promise but they'll at least be closer, Marinette never meddled with us and we turned out fine," Chat said smiling which made Jon relax a little.

"I guess you're right, no meddling," Jon said and Chat jumped away waving and going home to pack on a trip that his father for once agreed with was important because he would be meeting Jon's parents. Oh no, Jon's parents, they'd hate him. He acts like a flirt, dresses in leather to fight crime, and not to mention gets Jon in a bunch of trouble superhero-wise. Adrien flumped down against his bed letting out a groan.

Marinette sighed in her room staring at a picture of Damian on her phone when she heard a knock on her trap door and saw Jon peeking his head through.

"Hey," he said not even trying to act happy about what she had heard. "Uh, sorry for grossing Damian out of love?" he offered trying to make her laugh before floating over beside her with Mullo and Tikki running a hand through her hair comfortingly. "He'll get over himself soon enough I promise," Jon said and Marinette pushed Jon away.

"I don't want him to change Jon, I want him to stay the same and if he doesn't believe in love then I'll just find someone who does, Luka's nice," Marinette said and Jon laughed a little.

"Uh-huh, very nice, good at the whole kissing thing too," Jon said and Marinette turned red.

"I forgot about that, shit!" Marinette said laughing slightly.

"We have a trip to pack for, you want to impress Kara and Connor right?" Jon asked reminding Marinette about Jon's cousin and brother whom she hadn't met yet.

"Oh no!" Marinette said running around her room pulling out outfits and panicking.

"You know we all just wear flannel or leather right?" Jon asked and Marinette sighed.

"You guys really need a new wardrobe," Marinette said packing a dress carefully.

"You can't take the Kansas out of the aliens trust me," Jon said thinking back to a time when Kara tried on heels for the first time and then proceeded to burn them with her heat vision claiming they were evil.

"Go pack Jon, we have to get to bed early tonight so we can be ready to go tomorrow," Marinette chided with a wave of her hand. "Be sure to pack clothes I made you, I want to show you off!" she called after him and Jon poked his head back in her room.

"Already done Marinette."

This field trip had to go well, for both of their sakes.

"We're going to be late!" Marinette yelled as they rushed out of the house suitcases in hand.

"There is no way we're going to miss this plane Marinette, not today," Jon said nodding to her and she got on his back as he grabbed the bags running to the next stop around the corner where the bus would stop to pick up Damian and Nino for the trip before stopping at the airport.

"Damian!" Jon said exhausted seeing his friend.

"Didn't you two have your own stop?" Damian asked and Nino smiled at Marinette starting to make small talk.

"You know we're both late to everything, can't have that here though, I've been thinking all night about what I'm going to say to mom about Adrien when I first introduce him," Jon said pulling out a small notebook from his bag. "Can you go through these?" Jon asked smiling cheekily.

"No," Damian said as the bus pulled up and Jon sighed.

The actual ride went without a hitch until they arrived over actual America. Laughter and screaming could be heard from around the plane as an engine was taken out.

"Who gave the Joker a fucking jetpack!" was screamed from one of the passengers and panic consumed the entire plane.

"You have got to be kidding me," Damian sighed from next to Jon who went to get up but saw another red cape outside the plane along with a jet and he knew they would be fine, everyone else on the plane didn't exactly get that message through as Batman poked into the com system.

"Everyone relax, and let us do our thing," Batman said and that caused more hysteria.

"We're all gonna die!" Kim screamed and lasers were suddenly behind him in the form of Supergirl's heat vision.

"No one is dying," Supergirl said grabbing parts from inside the plane and Kim blushed sitting down but staring at Supergirl as she worked. "This good enough?" Supergirl asked holding up the part to Batman who nodded and she started to assemble the plane's engine while Superman and SB Prime were fighting the Joker who seemed to get his upgrade from Lex.

"One more screw should do it Supergirl," Batman said getting out of his jet setting it to autopilot to join the blonde just to make sure she wasn't missing anything. "Heat it up and we're good to go," he added and the class stared in awe at America's heroes who by then had Joker jetpackless and quivering in the clouds.

"Welcome to Metropolis," Superman said hands on his hips in classic hero position while Supergirl and SB Prime just laughed at him and Batman hopped back into his jet.

"Enjoy your stay," Supergirl said and Prime just saluted as they left the plane.

"This is going to be crazy," Alix said and Kim nodded watching the girl of his dreams descend the clouds. "Oh you are out of your mind," Alix added as the plane landed.

The kids got off the plane and were greeted by Clark, Lois, Kara, Connor, and surprisingly Bruce.

"Ready?" Jon asked Marinette, Adrien, and slightly Damian who shrugged as they walked through the gates and suddenly a lot more people than just Bruce from the Wayne family were there.

"You know I didn't believe you before Kent, but perhaps this will be more fun than expected," Damian said tapping his shoulder before going over to greet his family and Jon buried his head in Adrien's shoulder.

"Let's go."

...

JPS:  @crystalangelluna @liquid-luck-00 @thatonecroc @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @shadow-mystic @mochegato @wannajointhecrabcult @ranger-gothamite @moonspiritwolf1 @mochinek0 @toodaloo-kangaroo @ash-amg @enchanted-nerd @hateswifi

Road to Home #11

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Master List

----

Marie devoted herself to observing her classmates, being the only place she could choose, although she was also observing in her only class outside of school where she shared with other people, which is swordplay, however, she did n't see anyone worthy.

However, as the school year progresses, she begins to befriend two girls: Alix Kubdel and Rose Lavillant (in addition to a relationship I hate you today, but maybe not tomorrow with Chloe. A weird thing, she doesn't even want to think much about that).

And since Master Fu repeats to her every day to trust her instincts, well, she has invited the three girls to join her Judo classes (which is the most normal thing, she would not know how to explain to them why she's learning a technique of Combat designed by a specialized military team, yes, she's not having that conversation... until the time comes.)

With the end of their second year living with Master Fu, the four girls become friends. Of course, with the peculiarities that the clash of personalities entails because: how have a light person, a daughter of the night, a queen bee and an antisystem have been coupled without diverging? Miraculous, Fu would say.

This is how she has come to the exact situation where she must reveal the greatest secret of her life... no, not as dramatic as that. Her biggest secret is Tim, sweet Tim, who is sure he's getting into trouble somewhere other than Gotham because, surely, HE'S TRAINING TO BE A ROBIN. When she sees him, she's going to hit him, not for being Robin but for putting himself in danger. It's funny how she became so attached to a child with whom he only had a relationship for a month and a half.

But that is not the issue there, the issue is that she has brought them together so they can start training with prodigies. She chose her allies and must prepare them. That is her first mission as a future guardian, really, after two years, the imminent death of Master Fu feels painful, hopefully he will see her graduate from school... although she doubts it.

"So, Todd, why so much secrecy? Where we are? "Chloe grimaces as they walk through the building where she lives, which is only inhabited by them.

"My home."

"So many laps around town to come to your house, Marie?" Alix asks incredulously. Well, she hasn't shared much about her life, other than mentioning that she was adopted in Germany by her grandfather.

"I have my reasons." She says cryptically when they reach the door, she opens it immediately and is greeted by the empty place. Better this way, she will be able to talk to them under her own rules.

The girls come in and watch the decor, the Chinese influence is clear all over the place. Marie invites them to sit down while she goes to get some cookies and tea, she has the selected boxes ready and will put them on the table too. Doing it in those moments will allow the training sessions to be more varied, she will not launch anyone into any battle just knowing Judo, they need to develop combat styles in conjunction with the weapons of each Miraculous, especially those less orthodox like yo-yo or the spinning top, who came up with it?

"I have gathered you here to discuss something important."

"Will you enroll us in a sect? I knew you were part of a sect! "Alix cheers and giggles, Rose just hides a giggle and Chloe looks at her unimpressed.

“Todd. I'm not missing my afternoon spa just for tea and cookies. "

"Sure…" Marie just sighs and settles, again, how did she come to a cordial relationship with Chloe Bourgeois when the first few months narrowly didn't punch each other? Well, it only remains to go with the flow and when everything ends up going into Arkham because she went crazy. "What do you think of being heroes?"

"Heroes? Something like Superman? "Alix questions intrigued.

"That would be incredible! Can you imagine the attention we would receive? ”Chloe seems to have stars in her eyes at the idea, Marie winces.

"She was talking more about fighting and saving people."

"Why, Marie?" Rose speaks for the first time, curious about the direction of the conversation.

"At some point in the next few years, a villain will appear in Paris and heroes will be needed to fight him. A special type of hero, in the best Maho Shoujo style.

"The anime genre?" Alix seems doubtful, so Marie takes out the boxes and opens them one by one revealing the chosen Kwami.

Tikki, Pollen and Trixx appear in front of the three girls.

"Oh God!" Alix jumps back at the sight of the three creatures and is more exalted when she sees a fourth emerge from Marie's jacket. "What are they?"

"Kwami, do you want to hear a story?"

And so she begins to explain about the Kwami, about the lost prodigies and about their future role, if they accept, of course. The four girls remain silent, Marie waits patiently for them to decide, if they refuse, she begins to review the different spells that she can use to erase their memory and pretend that the meeting never happened.

"Is that why you invited us to Judo, Todd?"

"Yes."

"Amazing, but we are children. "

"I am aware, but I do not trust adults and that is why I tell them in time. We will prepare, we will be as amazing as Wonder Woman."

"You talked me into Wonder Woman, Marie." Alix smirks, Marie has never done anything she didn't plan to, so she will trust her and help her. The other option is for the girl to do it all by herself and she would be a very bad friend if she allowed it, total, they just have to fight a villain at some point in the future and they will be ready.

"I don't like violence, but if someone wants to hurt people, count on me." Rose murmurs with some doubt, but with clear intentions.

"Todd, you've earned a new level of respect. Do I have to save my identity?

"Yes, no one should know who we are. Start thinking of names. ”Marie smiles and proceeds to give the respective jewels. "Rose Lavillant, I give you the Miraculous of the Ladybug, it gives you the power of creation and to purify evil. "

Rose takes the box that she offers and smiles at the stained Kwami, who spins around her and greets with joy for the choice of Marie, a pure and innocent soul with a lot of creative potential, she just needs to teach him to exploit him to better synchronize with his powers . Since Marie was a soul of creation born in a bad luck well, she can no longer synchronize with the powers of the ladybug and became a perfect pair for Plagg, the other side of the coin.

"Alix Kubdel, I grant you the Miraculous of the Fox, he gives you the power of illusion."

The girl looks curiously at the little fox, who analyzes her head-on and soon the two of them are colliding the five as if they had read the mind. They both thought the same thing: it will be fun.

“Chloe Bourgeois, as a worthy queen, I grant you the Miraculous of the Bee, she grants you the power of subjection. "

Chloe marvels when the little bee bows to her, much to her ego? Well, Marie will have to get used to it.

"I'm the bearer of the Miraculous of the Black Cat, grant the power of destruction."

"A cat? Lovely. "

"I'm not adorable, girl, I'm a god."

"Plagg." Tikki says.

"What? It's the true. "The black Kwami goes to the kitchen leaving them in the living room.

"Well, Pollen likes honey." Chloe nods, agreeing to let Pollen lie on her head, already thinking about how she will use the comb to include it in her style. "Trixx loves carrots. ”Alix nods, picking up the necklace and putting it on, thinking it's too flashy to just  wearing it on her clothes. "Tikki is a fan of sweets, especially cookies, he really liked those at the Dupain-Cheng bakery near the school. "

"I love those cookies, too!" Rose shines for having an excuse to buy daily, she will be able to share a lot with her new friend.

So they spend the whole afternoon refining the details and agreeing on what they will do to improve in combat, leaving them to decide the style they want to follow. In addition to explaining the weapons and her recommendations.

-----

Well, here it's after so long. I have actually momentarily paused the writing of this fic, but I intend to follow it soon.

Tag list: @tori-mmm

Draco : “Untold Tales” Part II

Part I

Words : 1682

Warning : Slight angst?

 Y/N’s POV

 I was peacefully enjoying a book Hermione suggested a month ago in the comfort of the Gryffindor common room when Ginny occupied the seat next to me to deliver a news I bloody did not need right now.

 “I got you a date!” I gave her a puzzled look which she rolled her eyes at. “Klove, of course.” I almost hit my face with my book in frustration and had to bit my lower lip to contain a groan which she mistook for being shy. “You’ll do great, come on!”

  Her encouraging smile did nothing to assure me.

I’ve been actively avoiding Draco since that night in that closet and it’s been a week! I’m pretty proud of myself for being able to avoid the Slytherin Prince that much. We argued before because he spoke foully of my friends yet I kept crawling back to him and he must’ve expected me to do the very same with how little effort he put in to getting me back.

 I admit it hurt and made my decision of walking away right more. “Thanks Gin.” I genuinely thanked her with a small smile because as much as I hate the idea of going on a date while I just ended whatever with Malfoy, I recognize her effort. “Just don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well.”

 *

 It went amazing! Klove was nice and really sweet but our date felt more like hanging out with an old friend. I was comfortable with him, he was funny and undoubtedly smart. If only I got attracted to him, than that damned ferret.

 We came to a halt in the great hall where we parted for dinner, he sent me a small smile and I waved to sit with my friends who cheered me on. I blushed in embarrassment, settling down beside Hermione and Dean. Ron was stupidly wiggling his eyebrows at me and I threw a small piece of chicken at him.

  It stuck to his hair and the disgusted look on his face satisfied me that I ignored their stupid cheering earlier to enjoy dinner after such a fun yet eventful day in Hogsmeade.

“You look like you had fun,” Hermione from beside me spoke up, this was all her! I remembered my anger for her but it melted away when she wasn’t looking me. I followed her line of sight and saw Draco who is glaring at me. I felt like shrinking in my seat that I quickly hid my eyes behind Hermione’s shoulder and turned back to my plate.

  Hemione did the same and hummed in satisfaction, “He’s mad,” I whispered like it was a bad thing and it bloody was! I suddenly remembered our last fight that almost left me unable to walk to class the next morning because Draco takes out his anger in such a way that would make my mother pass out if she ever knew.

 “Exactly,”  I frown at Hermione’s triumphant grin. She met my frown and shrugged. “You obviously weren’t making an effort to fix your mess of a relationship- wait, no there’s not any. Which is the bloody point of making him jealous,” she paused to lower her voice and Ron raised his eyebrows at this.

  I gave him a look and he turned away, “He’ll realize just how much you’re worth, what you deserve and how much of a git he is.” I still didn’t quiet understand but I knew from the start that she had a plan, having the smartest witch of her age for a friend had it’s perks.

  *

 I almost screamed when I was grabbed from the hall and into a broom closet. Bloody again. I was quick to grab my wand and point it at the idiot, I casted a lumos and found I’m dangerously pointing my wand at someone’s neck. “It’s just me,” he assured me with raised hands and I sarcastically smile.

 “Exactly, it’s just you.” I refused to put my wand away for a solid minute and gave in, he smirked at this which I hated. He already thinks I’m caving in so when he tried to reach for my waist I stepped back and crossed me arms with a stern expression.

  “What was that yesterday at dinner?” he cleared his throat and stepped closer, I stepped back and it went on like that until my back softly collided with a wall and he towered over me. His hooded eyes showing desperation.

 “I had a date,” I innocently smiled up at him and I didn’t miss the shifting of his mood. I couldn’t read his expression but it certainly meant the opposite of delighted. “Now step away, I need to meet him for a study date.” It was a lie and Klove is most definitely not waiting for me in the library.

 “What game are you playing?” he stepped closer and the little distance we have disappeared into nothingness when his chest pressed against mine and I had to fight back the urge to pull his tie and lock his lips with mine.

 “What game?” I asked with feigned innocence.

 “We both know you’re doing this on purpose,” he stated in a matter-of-fact tone, “To make we want you more? Afraid I’d get tired.”

 Before my head could process his hurtful words that cut me up like knife, my hand swung. My palm collided with his pale cheek that gained the bright color of scarlet, “Don’t you ever come to think that I just realized I deserve better than a loathsome ferret like yourself?” angry, hot bead of tears rolled down my cheeks. “I deserve more than to be snogged in a dirty broom closet, disregarded whenever you’ve got a hoard of girls fawning over you!”

 If looks could kill, Draco Malfoy would be on the floor right now with a heart refusing to beat. “Y/N. . .” he whispered my name but I didn’t give in, him merely mumbling it would’ve had me weak in the knees but not anymore.

 Only then when I walked away from him for the second time did I realize how damned I am. I’m in love with Draco Malfoy.

  *

 A month. That’s how long time has passed since I made myself clear with Malfoy. I didn’t go to any more dates but Oliver and I became close friends and a week in in our friendship I told him about my Malfoy situation which he was shocked to find out. His words being: “I never expected, you’re friends with Harry and you’re a Gryffindor while he’s. . . him.”

  I remember laughing because he and I really are an unlikely couple.

 “I don’t see Klove pulling any move on you,” Ginny boredly muttered behind me, I’m sat on the floor while Ginny sit on the couch to braid my hair. She’s not the best at it but she tries and I’m more than willing to volunteer to be someone she could practice on.

 “Is that a bad thing?” I asked, stifling a snort because I know where this is going.

 “Be honest with me,” she began and I animatedly gulped, “Did you start to lose interest in him once you got to know him better?” I didn’t answer. “It’s alright, that’s normal. That just means it wasn’t love. Just a crush.” She hummed and used her wand to conjure flowers to decorate on my hair.

  “Turns out he’s not my type,” I mumbled bitterly, he should be my type because he’s the exact opposite of a certain ferret yet I just see him as a friend and the platonic feeling is mutual.

  “Then what is your type?” she asked with a playful tone, she really is a Weasley. No doubt in that.

 “My type is. . .” a blonde Slytherin boy with hypnotizing silver eyes, sly smirk, bratty personality and oh he hates all of my friends! “A typical misunderstood, bad boy.” She giggled at my answer and gestured me to sit beside her. She propped one leg on the couch to face me and smiled.

  “I never took you for being one of those girls,” she teased and I shake my head laughing.

“You have no idea.” I reply and our conversation is cut short when Lavender Brown walked in adoring my hair.

 *

 The Summer Ball about to be held a month before the end of our term, exclusively for sixth and fifth-years, turned Hogwarts into a frenzy. Girls obsessing over their looks; figuring if they looked pretty enough, a boy would ask them because Merlin forbid they go alone. Boys on the edge of their seats because they’ve been tasked with the lovely task of asking the girls to be their dates to the said ball. It was unspoken but the world seemed to agree that men should be the one to pursue women.

  “I thought you didn’t like Klove anymore? Why are you going with him?” Ginny asked me while she make sure the dress Molly sent was to satisfaction.

 “I don’t. We’re going as friends Gin.” She narrowed her eyes at me and I dismissed her with a wave, checking my own dress.

 With how much chaos seemed to fall upon me this year this ball is gonna be one good thing. I will enjoy myself with my newfound best friend who happens to be male and good-looking and dance and laugh with my friends and eat. Most specially eat.

 I expected the evening to go well, but apparently that was too much to ask for when as I was dancing with Oliver a hand reached for me to pull me away.

  To be continued. . .

 -

 Am I dragging this on? Maybe but it’s my fic so I’m allowed to do that muahahaha!

By the way, thank you so much for the nice feedbacks on this dragged out imagine, I am also thankful for the 49 followers I miraculously earned in just 3 imagines posted! I still accept requests~~~

Bellarke AU for To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before!!!!!! Pretty please! Thank you for doing this every year, you’re the greatest!

when I wake up in the morning and post this, it will be my 500th t100 fic on AO3, so that’s a cool milestone

Bellamy Blake does not identify as “good at feelings.”

Well, okay, that’s not entirely true. Realistically speaking, he gets that he’s better with feelings than a lot of people, especially in the teenage boy demographic. He’s empathetic and fairly good at helping other people through their own emotional issues. It’s more that he’s bad with his own feelings, especially romantic ones. He’s bad at developing feelings for appropriate and realistic people, he’s bad at dealing with those feelings, and he’s bad at getting over those feelings.

Which is how he came up with the letter thing in the first place. He’d had a stupid, incoherent crush on Clarke Griffin which was bad before she started dating Lexa Commodore, and once that happened, he felt not only annoyed but actively like an asshole about it.

So he wrote a letter, explaining how he’d come to like her–one stupid kiss in one stupid game of spin-the-bottle–and all the reasons he really shouldn’t like her, starting with how they couldn’t stop fighting and ending with the way she was possibly not even into guys and he should respect that, covering pages of ground between the two.

It wasn’t a particularly good letter, but it was a great way to purge his feelings, and over the next few years, any time he caught himself watching the curve of Clarke’s smile or agreeing with her in a debate for once, he’d go home, read the letter, and remember all the very good reasons he didn’t have a crush on her anymore.

It worked so well that he did another one explaining to himself why just because he and Echo Argent made out at one debate-club tournament, it did not mean they were going start a functional long-distance relationship, and then another reminding himself that John Murphy was weirdly attractive but it would absolutely never work between them.

And then his last, for Nathan Miller, which really only needed one reason: he was dating Monty.

He came up with other reasons too, obviously, but Miller dating his foster brother was the biggest one. He could get over the fact that Miller is one of his best friends–that’s a plus, mostly–and get over the fact that Miller was kind of a crutch after his mom died when his whole life was in chaos. After all, he’s doing a lot better now. Monty’s family is great, Octavia’s largely stable, his life is in order. But Monty and Miller are together, and that means he will not and cannot have a thing for Miller.

Which is why the two of them breaking up is so catastrophic, and why he goes to find the letters in the first place. There was probably some valid reason to not like Miller somewhere in there. Once he gets going, he can usually keep going for a while; his letter to Clarke was like five pages long, and turned into, not to be too Hamilton about it, an itemized list of thirty years of disagreements.

So all he has to do is reread the letter, and he’ll remember all the good reasons that Monty and Miller breaking up doesn’t mean his Miller thing is allowed to come back. He can even add a post-script: siblings’ significant others are off limits, even after they break up. That seems like a good rule. If he was dating someone and they broke up, he’d think it was weird if Octavia or Monty picked them up on the rebound.

He’s working through the exact wording of the planned post-script when he realizes that he can’t find the box of letters, and his whole body goes cold.

His first, obviously incorrect, thought is that he misplaced it during the move to the Greens’ house, but he wrote the Miller letter after that, and then he put it in the box with the other letters, and put the box in the corner of his closet. He’d even brought it down about a couple months ago to reread the Clarke letter again after they were in the same group for an English project and it went really well. He remembers thinking about editing it, since she’s single again and he knows she IDs as bisexual, but it didn’t seem particularly important.

“Must have moved it somewhere this weekend,” he mutters. Monty was getting packed for his semester abroad, and it was a good excuse for everyone to reorganize and purge.

But he turns the room upside down and finds nothing, ends up sneaking into Monty’s empty room next to make sure it didn’t end up in there somehow. He doesn’t look inside anything, doesn’t violate privacy any more than he has to, but if his foster brother somehow ended up with a box that contained a “why I don’t have a thing for your ex-boyfriend anymore, really” letter, Bellamy needs to know that.

Of course, even though the box isn’t in Monty’s room, he could have taken it with him for his semester abroad. But if he did, there’s no way of knowing that, so Bellamy lets it go, tries not to think about the box stowing away in Monty’s luggage. It’s got to be somewhere in his own room, he just hasn’t figured out where yet.

He goes on not telling himself that right up until Wednesday morning, when Murphy leans against his locker to say, “You’re right, it never would have worked between us.”

“What,” he says, flat.

“It’s a little weird to send a whole letter about it, especially when I never asked if you wanted to fuck me, but I guess it was cool to find out you were thinking about it. Even if you decided to give it a pass.”

Bellamy’s stomach drops so low it feels like it’s actually left his body. He looks up at Murphy, sees he’s got the letter in his hand, the familiar envelope the most horrifying thing Bellamy has ever seen.

“What the fuck,” he says.

“That was my reaction, yeah.”

“Seriously, where did you get that, Murphy?”

He rolls his eyes. “In the mail, where else would I get it? It’s a letter.” His eyes flick up and down Bellamy. “You actually wrote it, huh?”

“It was a moment of weakness. I wouldn’t fuck you if you paid me.”

“That’s cool, I’ve got better things to do with my money anyway.”

“Glad we’re on the same page,” he says, and then he sees Clarke, down the hall at her own locker. She’s watching him, and he realizes, rapidly, that if Murphy got a letter, Clarke probably got a letter, and Miller got a letter, and his whole life is going to unravel very, very rapidly. “I gotta go,” he says, and ducks into the men’s bathroom before Clarke can come his way.

Murphy’s not a real problem; he and Bellamy aren’t friends, he was never a real crush, and he’s got a girlfriend now. He thought it was funny, but it’s not going to go anywhere else. Echo isn’t either, she lives on the other side of the state, and even if she gets the letter, they don’t really have a relationship to ruin.

Which leaves him with two crises: Clarke and Miller.

Clarke’s the less obvious but more pressing problem, as she’s in his grade and a lot of his classes, including his first-period history class. Miller’s a year younger than the two of them, so Bellamy won’t see him until after school, if not later. He can avoid Miller.

Unless he cuts class, he has to see Clarke. And his letter to her is definitely rough. He can’t imagine she needs a list of reasons they’ll never work, and it’s been years since that stupid spin-the-bottle kiss, at this point. She’ll probably figure out that something weird happened, but he can’t imagine she’s just going to let it go.

And then, miraculously, she does. She doesn’t look at him in history, or in English. He skips lunch because he and Miller have the same lunch period that day and doesn’t talk to Clarke through two more classes before the final bell rings and he escapes to his locker.

He’s almost convinced himself that she’s going to let it go when he hears her ask, “Hey, Blake, you want a ride?”

He glances up at her, but her face is blank, her expression giving nothing away. Clarke’s always had a good poker face.

“You don’t have stuff to do?” he asks. “Practice?”

“Nope. Do you want the ride or not?”

If he says no, she might never mention it again. This could be her way of asking if he wants to talk about it, and if he turns the ride down, this will be the end of it. She’ll let him off the hook.

But then he’ll never know what she thinks about the letter, and that’s always going to bug him. Plus, he and Miller take the same bus. He’d been thinking about hiding in Mr. Pike’s room and waiting for the late bus, but if Clarke’s willing–

“I would love a ride,” he says, shouldering his backpack. “Thanks.”

He and Clarke still aren’t friends, but they get along better than they did when he had his stupid crush on her. They mostly just don’t interact unless they have to, and Bellamy can admit he avoids her a little. There’s always this worry at the back of his mind that whatever weird fluke that caused him to like her in the first place will flare back up, and everyone in the world is convinced she and Lexa are going to get back together any day now, so that would be bad.

Although it might not be worse than having a crush on his foster brother’s ex-boyfriend. Seriously, if he could just opt-out of romantic feelings entirely, that would be great. He doesn’t need this.

“So, how old was that letter?” Clarke finally asks.

“End of eighth grade. I decided I was going to get over you so I could have a summer romance.”

She snorts softly. “How did that work out?”

The truth is that his mom was starting to get sick and he didn’t really have time for that kind of thing, but it doesn’t seem worth spoiling the decent mood they’ve got going. “Well, I got over you.”

“And you found the letter and got nostalgic and decided to send it to me after all?”

“No.” He leans back in his seat, rubbing his face. “Fuck, I honestly have no idea how they got sent out.”

There’s a long pause, and then Clarke says, a little prickly, “What do you mean, they?”

“This is how I get over crushes.”

“You write down a list of all the reasons you hate them?”

“Why we wouldn’t make a good couple.”

“How many did you write?”

“Four.”

“Who else got one?”

“You know Echo from debate?”

“Sort of. You had a crush on her?”

“We made out in ninth grade. It wasn’t that great, but I still kind of fixated for a while.”

“So the letter was basically you will have better makeout sessions?”

“And closer ones. She lives like four hours away, it wasn’t practical.”

“Okay, that’s two.”

He debates which one to share next, goes with, “Murphy.”

“Like–John Murphy? Murphy Murphy?”

“I had this dream about making out with him and it fucked me up for like a week, until I wrote down a complete list of reasons I didn’t want to actually make out with him.”

Clarke clucks her tongue. “It seems like a lot of your crushes start with kissing. Have you tried casual sex? Just to see if it’s an option for you?”

Bellamy hasn’t tried sex at all, but he’s not telling her that right now, or ideally ever. He’s not hung up on virginity or masculinity or whatever, it’s just not something he wants to discuss with her.

“Maybe I only kiss people who are really good at it.”

“Thanks, I think.” She pauses. “Was the list of reasons not to date Murphy longer than the list of reasons not to date me?”

“No, yours was the longest. I was inspired.”

“Thanks. You know I’m bi, right? Not a lesbian. And Lexa and I broke up.”

“I didn’t in eighth grade. It’s not like I go back and edit them,” he says, conveniently omitting that he’d been thinking about doing just that.

“And neither did whoever sent them out.”

“It must be my sister,” he says, sighing. “It’s not like Monty’s parents would do it.”

“Did you guys have a fight? Is she pissed at you?”

“She’s twelve, she’s pissed at the world.”

“That sounds right.” She shoots him a look. “That was only three. Who’s the fourth?”

He sighs. “Miller.”

“Shit,” she breathes. “Like–Nate Miller. Like Monty’s boyfriend.”

“Ex-boyfriend,” says Bellamy. “Yeah. It was mostly before they were going out. When I was dealing with all the stuff with my mom, he was really great. I kind of imprinted.”

“But he and Monty broke up, right?”

“That makes it slightly less awkward, yeah. But only slightly.”

“Was your whole reason for not liking him that he was dating Monty?”

“Pretty much.”

“So if he gets it–”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t actually know what you’re agreeing to. I was going to say he might be interested, but you sound like you’re dying.”

“I was going to say it would be really awkward.”

“It never occurred to you that someone you like might like you back?”

“It’s not going very well so far.”

“Isn’t Murphy not being interested kind of a good thing?”

“Kind of.” He sighs. “Thanks for being cool about this, by the way.”

“It’s flattering, right? Finding out someone likes you?”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never found out anyone likes me.”

She takes the left turn onto his street without his having to remind her. “I knew how to spin a bottle and get it to land on the right person even in seventh grade,” she says, once she’s pulled into his driveway. “Good luck with the whole Miller situation.”

He’s not sure what to say besides, “Thanks for the ride.”

“Don’t mention it,” she says, and he watches her drive away.

It definitely could have been worse.

*

Miller doesn’t call or text that night, which he tries not to let bother him, and Octavia denies any knowledge of the box or the letters or anything convincingly enough that he has to believe her. He has no real grounds for accusing her of doing anything once he’s asked and she’s said no.

So he’s back at square one, Murphy smirking at him in the hall, dodging Miller when he sees him, feeling a weird lurch every time he sees Clarke. She looks worried, like she’s actually dwelling on this, and that’s weird too, and not something he’s prepared to deal with.

But it means that when Miller makes a beeline for him Friday morning, he feels comfortable assuming Clarke will have his back, so he ducks into her conversation with Raven Reyes and slides his arm around Clarke’s waist.

Raven’s eyebrows shoot up. “Blake.”

“Reyes.” He wets his lips, turns his attention to Clarke with an expression that he hopes somehow pulls double duty as “adoring boyfriend” to Raven and “damsel in distress” to Clarke.

It must get across some message, because her expression softens and she leans into him. “Morning, Bellamy.”

Impossibly, Raven’s eyebrows go even higher. “Bellamy?”

Bellamy goes by his last name because Mr. Hartford, their seventh-grade science teacher, misread his roster and thought Bellamy’s name was Blake Bellamy, which is, admittedly, a much more normal name. But Bellamy didn’t correct him, and no one else did either, mostly because they wanted to see how long it would go. And once you’re in the habit of calling someone something, it sticks.

He calls everyone else by last name too, mostly to remind them that Blake isn’t his name, but that’s more of a personal preference.

“Did you forget I have a real name?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m the one acting weird here.”

“I told you Bellamy and I were hanging out,” says Clarke, which he wishes he could react to but probably can’t.

“Not that you were on a snuggling before first-period basis. Did you know about this one, Miller?”

Miller goes by his last name to avoid confusion with Nate Thompson, which is a much better thing to think about than what is actually happening in his life. It’s hard to believe pretending to date Clarke beats having a conversation with Miller, but somehow here they are.

“Nope, this is news to me,” says Miller. “Is this why you’re suddenly skipping lunch?”

It’s only been a couple days, so Bellamy doesn’t feel judgement for his life choices is entirely warranted, even if he has been being fucking weird. It could have just been a busy couple of days, and Miller would have been reading into things.

At the same time, it’s not normal for them to go this long without talking, and Bellamy is avoiding him, so he has no real right to get indignant about the whole thing.

“He’s been helping me with a project,” Clarke says, smooth. “You have late lunch today, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. We should be done in a few days,” she tells Miller.

“Sorry I’ve been busy,” Bellamy adds. Miller hasn’t mentioned the letter, so maybe they can just pretend it never happened. It was clearly older, just like Clarke’s; he doesn’t date them, but the information was from just after Monty and Miller started dating. And if Miller doesn’t feel the same, he’ll probably just let Bellamy off the hook. He’s not Murphy. Or Clarke, for that matter.

“Are we still on for gaming this weekend?” he asks. “Or are you going to be too busy?”

“Saturday should be fine,” he says. Octavia will be there, so it won’t be that weird. Probably. And he can’t actually avoid Miller forever. He doesn’t want to.

The first bell rings, and to Bellamy’s shock, Clarke takes his hand as they walk to first period. It’s not a big deal, really, but it’s public and unambiguous and everyone is really going to think they’re together.

“I could use a fake relationship right now,” is how she explains it at lunch. They’re in Ms. Rodriguez’s room, since she likes them and has a free period right now.

Of course, she’s also still in the room, so that’s weird.

“Excuse me?” she asks.

“Just plotting,” Clarke says, flashing a smile. “Bellamy is having a minor crisis.”

“Why do you need a fake relationship?” he asks.

“Because everyone is convinced me and Lexa are going to be back together any day.”

“But you’re not?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know her that well,” he admits. She’s popular, maybe more popular than Clarke, but in that aloof way he associates with teen movie villains. Everyone says they like her, but she’s not that close to anyone.

Not that Clarke is a social butterfly. But he can’t help wondering how much she’d fly under the radar if she hadn’t been one of the first kids in their grade with a steady relationship, and a queer one at that.

“I like her, we’re still friends. But she’s got this–I like that she’s passionate and driven. But she can be myopic.”

“Good SAT vocab there.”

She elbows him. “You know what I mean. Have you and Miller talked at all?”

“No.”

“Would you want to date him?” She sounds curious, a little small. “If it wasn’t for the whole Monty thing.”

“I don’t know.” He pushes his hair off his face with a huff. “I think when Monty’s back, they’ll get back together. I get why they broke up, but I don’t think it’s going to last.”

“Does no one at this school understand what breakups are?” Clarke grumbles. It sounds like she’s only half joking.

“If Monty was still here, I’d say they were broken up,” he says. “But he’s spending a semester in France and he’ll be back in the spring. I’m not going to be the reason he comes home and finds out his ex really did move on.”

She winces. “Yeah, okay. But what if they’d never dated? Would you want to date Miller?”

“Who cares?”

“You sent four letters,” Clarke says. “And if they were all like mine, they weren’t love letters. They were anti-love letters. They were lists of reasons why your crushes were stupid and you shouldn’t have them. Have you ever had a crush you didn’t write to and tried to actually date?”

“No,” he admits.

“And if Miller hadn’t been dating Monty, you would have come up with another letter talking yourself out of liking him.”

“Probably, yeah.”

“And you’re pretending to date me just to get out of having a conversation with him. Can’t you just tell him it was an old letter and you’re not interested in him? Why is Miller different from me and Murphy?”

“Because I’m actually friends with Miller,” he says. “No offense, but it’s not like you and I hang out. There wasn’t much to ruin.”

“Nowhere to go but up.” She sighs. “You really want to lie to your friend about your relationship to get out of having a conversation?”

“Just until the end of the semester,” he says, even though want is a strong word. But if Clarke wants a fake boyfriend and it would help him, it’s a victimless crime.

Like Clarke said, he wouldn’t be dating Miller anyway.

“End of the semester,” Clarke agrees. “I can live with that.”

“You know I’m going to gossip about this with the other teachers, right?” Ms. Rodriguez asks, dry.

Clarke doesn’t miss a beat. “As long as it’s just the teachers, sure. We deserve it.”

“Yeah,” Bellamy agrees. “We definitely do.”

*

Fake dating someone isn’t nearly as difficult as Bellamy would have expected. If anything, in fact, it’s too easy. The biggest change is how much time he spends with Clarke, but as it turns out, spending more time with Clarke isn’t bad. When Bellamy was in middle school, he hadn’t yet learned how to disagree with people without it becoming this giant argument, but now that casual shit-talk is a hallmark of most of his close relationships, being with Clarke more is easy. They can tease each other, but they have a lot in common too, share a lot of classes, are applying to a lot of the same colleges. She hasn’t played a lot of video games, but she’s interested to learn, and she has a lot of good Netflix recommendations for him. She even gets along with Octavia, which is a minor miracle.

Then again, she is giving them rides every day. Octavia loves anyone who keeps her off the school bus.

The major miracle is with Miller, who is being so normal it’s actually a little unnerving. They hang out and play video games the Saturday after the fake relationship starts, and Miller has a lot of questions about how and why he and Clarke got together, but they had the group project they were working on that had inspired Bellamy to revisit his letters in the first place. It was easy enough to turn that into a relationship origin story, a crush that somehow didn’t go away over the summer.

And once he’s done that, Miller is just Miller again. September bleeds into October and November and absolutely nothing about their relationship is different, not even slightly.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” Clarke asks. It’s a week before Thanksgiving and she’s on his couch with her feet in his lap, doing her reading. No one else is home and won’t be for hours, so there’s no even real reason for them to be hanging out, but his family will be home eventually and Clarke was bored. “The whole point was that stuff was normal with Miller.”

“I know. I’m just still waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“So you bring it up. Hey, remember that weird letter I sent you? That was weird, right?”

“Wow, what a great conversation starter.”

She digs her heel into his thigh. “I’m trying to help. If you want to talk to Miller about it, you don’t just have to wait for him to start it.”

“If I mention it, he’ll think I care.”

“You do care.”

“It is weird, right? You told me about getting the letter, Murphy told me about getting it, Echo’s came back with a wrong address. And Miller just doesn’t care?”

“Maybe he never got it.”

He frowns. “Never got it?”

“Yeah. Maybe it went to the wrong address or his parents misplaced it before he got it or he lost it or something. What if Miller just never got the letter and he has no idea why you were acting weird for a week or two?”

“It wasn’t that long.”

“It really was.” She smiles at him over her book. “You got better.”

“Thanks.”

“I still don’t get what exactly you want,” she says, and it’s so quiet, like it’s this giant revelation. Like she spends a lot of time wondering about what’s going on with him. “Are you still in love with Miller?”

The answer comes quickly. “No.” He sighs. “Honestly, I don’t know if I ever was. I don’t know if I really wanted to date him. Jesus, I probably suck at dating.”

“No, you don’t.”

“We’re not really dating.”

“So, you think if we were, you’d be bad at it? It’s pretty much the same skill set.”

“There’s no pressure,” he says. “I’m not worrying about being a good boyfriend or making sure I’m paying enough attention to you or whatever. And I don’t have to kiss you.”

“Wow, you don’t have to kiss me. Lucky you.”

She sounds genuinely hurt, and he can’t blame her. “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. It’s not like–of course I want to kiss you, but I’m not, so it’s not–I don’t have to worry about being bad at it.”

“I thought you made out with that girl from debate club.”

“For ten minutes. It’s not like I got feedback. I really didn’t mean it like that,” he adds, softening his voice.

“Do you really want to kiss me?” she asks.

It had not, at any point in the entire course of their relationship since seventh grade, ever occurred to Bellamy that kissing Clarke Griffin outside of a spin-the-bottle game might have been an option. It hadn’t occurred to him he could kiss her during a spin-the-bottle game until they were there, on the floor across from each other, and she was doing her first spin. As the bottle went around, he thought, wildly, that she might kiss him, and then she did.

He’d kissed four girls that night, Clarke only once, but he’d already liked her before then. She hadn’t been his crush because she kissed him, he’d just been denying it. Giving himself reason after reason to not like Clarke Griffin, rereading them every few months, when he wanted a reminder.

He’s spent so long telling himself he didn’t have a crush on her, that it wasn’t even slightly possible. Not having a crush on Clarke Griffin was a part of his identity, a personality trait.

One he had to work very hard at. One he had to remind himself of almost constantly.

“Yeah,” he breathes, and she puts her book away and climbs into his lap.

It’s nothing like the spin-the-bottle kiss, not light or quick, no circle of kids around them, giggling at the first press of lips. It’s just him and Clarke, her mouth so warm and close, her fingers tangling in his hair, his hands sliding up under the back of her shirt, time losing meaning as their mouths slide together.

“I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore,” Clarke murmurs, bumping her nose against his.

“Yeah,” he says, breathless, stupid, gleeful. “Definitely not.”

*

Octavia owns up in February, once Monty is home and he and Miller have reconciled and Bellamy has almost totally forgotten about the letters going out in the first place. He knows, of course, that his girlfriend has a long list of reasons he said he’d never date her, but it was that list that make Clarke think he might actually like her, since about half of them were things he resented liking about her and the other half were either outdated or his protesting too much.

On reflection, he was talking himself into liking Miller and out of liking Clarke, without even realizing it. It’s a miracle it ever got sorted out.

So when Octavia comes in with the box of letters, he’s not as mad as he could have been. But still, he is her brother.

“So, you lied to my face, huh?”

“Yeah,” she says, at least sounding a little guilty about it. “You would have killed me!”

“You would have deserved it.”

“Because that letter to Clarke turned out sooo bad,” she says, with a roll of her eyes.

“It could have. And that was just one letter, the one to Miller–”

“I didn’t send that one,” she says. Bellamy blinks, and she nods to the box. “Open it, it’s still there.”

It’s a little surreal, opening up the box and seeing the single remaining letter, addressed to Miller in his own blocky hand. Clarke asked him once why he’d put actual addresses on there, and he’d explained it added to the sense of closure. It made the whole thing real.

“Jesus, Clarke was right. Why not?”

“Because I wanted him and Monty to get back together, duh. I wanted you to date someone, but it was supposed to make my life less stressful because you had something to do other than worrying about me. You hooking up with Monty’s ex would have just made everything worse.”

“That was still a shitty thing to do and then lie about. You’re really fucking lucky it turned out okay.”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over how much you owe me forever for this.”

“O.”

She huffs. “Fine, I’ll never help you again. Happy?”

He puts his arm around her, gives her a squeeze. “So happy, yeah.”

10/15/19 the accompanying story 3

This one is called Ersatz. I don’t feel super confident about it, ‘cuz it’s kind of a deviation from the norm. 

******************************************************************************

The word ersatz is funny to me in that it seems antithetical to its own definition. Ersatz (pronounced air-sotts) basically means an inferior substitute for something. But I think the word ersatz is a better alternative for ersatz terms like worse, false, and artificial. It’s just so much more gut-punching. It’s a fancier upgrade from those blasé other words. There’s no room for misinterpretation. Anyway, enough about that. 

******************************************************************************

Her therapist had told her to treat sophomore year with a more open mind. Stop doubting. Start doing. She didn’t really leave any alternatives.

Her parents had told her that she was wasting her best years on feeling sorry for herself. ‘You’re fine, baby,’ they would say. ‘College makes everyone feel bad. This therapist is unnecessary.’ They didn’t really get it. 

Her friends, if you could call them that, were dwindling. The few that tried to coax her into coming out with them did their best to show disappointment when she declined. They gave up, eventually. They didn’t really care. 

Which was fine. She wasn’t really doing a great job on her end, either. She understood. 

Despite the advice, despite the scolding, despite the concern, she just felt empty.

******************************************************************************  

She wasn’t exactly sure when, or why it started. Maybe it had been all of a sudden. Maybe it had been a slow burn.

She had been so self-assured in high school, just two years ago. She knew what she wanted from life, and usually ended up getting it. She only did, never doubted. 

And now...

Lately, it felt like she was playing a parody of herself rather than actually being herself: she responded how she thought she would’ve responded, and engaged in activities that she thought she would’ve liked. Doubted every action she made.  

A shoddy replica of the person she wanted to be. An ersatz mockery of the real thing. A hollow shell, a melancholy reminder, of whatever she had been before. 

She realized that she hated herself. She saw herself crying as she sat alone, scarfing down sorry excuses for meals between classes. When she could stomach food. She felt herself losing weight because she was too tired to do anything besides sleep.

(running shoes lay fetal, just as motionless as she was)

Her housemates didn’t care much to talk to her. She was a random, and they had all been a friend group before she moved in. 

Her friends weren’t real. They were satellites, orbiting cautiously around her, and stayed that way because she was too scared to let them get close to her, but too needy to let them drift away. She was ecstatic when they opened up to her, and devastated when they found better friends. 

Her romantic endeavors were nonexistent. It should be said outright that she didn’t care for relationships. She understood attraction. She understood physical intimacy, though she didn’t really want it. But she could not wrap her head around meeting someone and basing one’s life around them. She did not want to give up her time for someone else. She did not want to share in someone else’s problems. She had enough problems already. 

******************************************************************************

Back in high school, she had had a best friend. They were like equal and opposite reactions. He was her exact counterpart: sharing humor, worldviews, and interests, but never sharing the same opinion as her. They eagerly argued about the same books and movies. They tried and failed to outwit the other. Their friends said they bickered like an old couple.  

She still smiled as she recalled the many late nights they spent trying to do homework together, only to give up and watch T.V. instead. Just passing time with him made her feel good.

She was pretty sure it was love. She didn’t feel empty, back then. He was her everything. Fleeting thoughts of him would sprint through her head all day: a goofy laugh, a witty joke, a serious, handsome expression. Her lips would always curve into a smile at the thought of him, and she resented the effect he had on her.  

Of course, it did help that he was terribly good looking. She would never have said so to his face, though. Like he needed the ego trip.    

They didn’t talk anymore. They weren’t friends anymore. She had been stupid.

(what else is new)

It was like a cliché movie scene. High off of feelings, of nostalgia, of pent-up adoration, she had taken him aside on their senior night and confessed that she had feelings for him. That he felt like her soulmate. That she needed him to feel like herself. Back then, she only did, never doubted. 

He held her shoulders gently and exhaled shakily. Equal and opposite clichés. Just like a movie scene, she was the first person he would ever come out to. 

They could have remained friends. In fact, it was probably awful of her to have cut contact after he came out. Probably made him feel like garbage. Probably made him feel how she did. But it was too much for her to try and act like nothing had changed. She realized she had already thought of them as a couple. That best friends and lovers were interchangeable. Indistinguishable. She had expected too much, and it had scarred both of them. 

The one silver lining was that she came to a very important realization: love, in all of its messy, convoluted, and emotionally exhausting glory, was merely a delusion that tangents from friendship. 

A painful variation of what she had had with her best friend. A shoddy replica of companionship. An ersatz mockery of the real thing. 

A meaningless reminder on how to lose your soulmate.

******************************************************************************

As she ruminated on her sordid backstory for perhaps the five-hundred-millionth time, she felt herself coming fully to consciousness. She groaned and flipped over her phone, which lay buzzing by her head. 

It was half past two. Both her classes for the day were already over. She had slept through the day without having once really fallen asleep. It was upsetting how routine this had become.

Her roommate was long gone, having started her day at 6:30 as usual. There was muffled laughter coming from the room next to her. 

One of her other housemates had their boyfriend over, and they were both giggling while watching some stupid show. She was surprised the racket hadn’t woken her up sooner. 

She groggily flopped out of her futon and oozed onto the carpet. She felt like jelly, but she swore she heard her knees creak when she moved her legs. Her roommate had left the window open (‘The weather is so lovely in fall!’) and cold air continued to spill into her room, making her teeth clatter against one another. 

Through sheer force of will, she stood up, slammed the window shut, and went to the bathroom to start her day. 

******************************************************************************

She had been a pretty decent student in high school, so she acted how she thought she would have acted. She sat at the desk in her room and started leafing through a textbook that cost more than three sessions with her therapist. Idly, she mused that her parents found the book a worthwhile investment, but not their daughter’s sanity. 

Another giggle sounded from the other room. She was starting to get annoyed.

She sighed and heaved all her school supplies into her backpack, and dressed to go out. Her baggy sweater and sweats made her look shapeless, and she smiled at the thought. 

The walk to campus was uneventful. She realized upon reaching the library that she had put her headphones on, but forgotten to play any music. She shrugged and took them off. Music wasn’t fun anymore, anyway.

******************************************************************************

The library was abuzz with other students also desperate to cram information between the folds of their brains. The constant white noise of backpacks unzipping, papers rustling, and students quizzing each other was kind of comforting for her. She preferred noise to no noise. She preferred crowded places to vacant ones. She didn’t like when things were empty.  

The table she decided to sit at was far in the back of the building, where students were less intent on focusing and more interested in socializing. It definitely wasn’t conducive to a healthy study environment, but she didn’t care. Studying while others slacked off inspired her. She had to be better than someone. 

She got out her laptop and notebook and started copying lecture slides down. She had no context for them, so she heaved her textbook out, as well. From the corner of her eye, she could see a boy ask to sit down next to a girl and started talking with her. From their body language and expressions, it seemed like they weren’t previously acquainted. 

They were hitting it off, though. And why wouldn’t they? They were both happy, healthy, attractive individuals. The boy seemed a little shy, which made his initial approach all the more endearing. The girl was laughing at his jokes and making a few of her own. And after maybe ten minutes of talking, they both had their phones out and were exchanging contact information.

Upon seeing this, she rolled her eyes. A part of her found the whole courtship ritual cute, but she felt committed to deriding romance as a whole. A waste of time. An ersatz companionship. She wanted someone to talk to her like that understand that. 

A couple of times freshman year, she had been like the girl she was now furtively observing. There had been boys who had miraculously taken notice of her. Asked to sit with her. Asked for her number. She loved the attention, though she did not do anything with it.

Gradually, the attention stopped. She did not want it to stop, but it did. She had been ecstatic when people took an interest in her. She was devastated when they found better people to care for. 

Her inbox had been empty for a while, now. 

******************************************************************************

The budding couple she had been watching had left long ago. Others came and went as the hours waned on. She looked out the window once and was startled to see the street lamps flickering on and the horizon sporting a deep violet. 

There weren’t many people left in the library. Even where she sat, the noise and conversation had significantly subsided. 

But from the corner of her eye (which she made excellent usage of) she saw a lanky frame draw near. 

Nearer.

Wait, too near. 

The boy was standing right next to her. His lips moved, forming words, but she didn’t really register them. She took off her utterly silent headphones and made a quizzical expression. He looked familiar.

In a smooth, deep voice, the boy repeated his question:

‘Can I sit at this table?’

‘Uh, sure.’ Her voice was raspy from disuse. Her heart rate had quadrupled. ‘If you want to.’ 

He smiled disarmingly and put his things down, taking the seat directly across from her. 

******************************************************************************

Half an hour had passed, and she was sweating. The boy had stuck around, studiously scribbling into a notebook. He was looking more and more familiar, too. Which made no sense, because she didn’t know enough people for anyone to look similar to another. She cautiously watched him, taking note of his dark hair and symmetrical features. 

The boy looked up from his laptop and laughed at her pensive expression, and she quickly averted her eyes.

She realized why he looked so familiar, though. 

He was the spitting image of her best friend. 

It was uncanny, actually. Her throat closed. She tried to steal glances at him occasionally, but his soft gaze always greeted hers, his brown eyes twinkling mirthfully. 

After a few such interactions, his lips curled into a rosy smile

(just like his) 

and he spoke. 

‘Hey! I, uh, snuck a peek at your textbook, and I think we might be studying for the same class. Do you–would you wanna study together? Today’s lecture went completely over my head.’  

His voice was so smooth. She could only hope she sounded nearly as effortless in her reply.

‘...Sure. That’d be nice.’ 

He beamed and walked around the table to sit next to her. And she suppressed her desire to melt into nothingness. 

******************************************************************************

There were a few key differences, she thought, between the boy and her friend from high school. 

The boy had asked to walk back with her, because it turned out they lived in complexes near one another. Who was she to say no? And so they ambled on, side by side. The streets were empty, and the crisp fall air nipped at their exposed necks and face. 

They had gotten to talking, and he was very much an open book. She was ecstatic that he was so willing to talk to her about personal topics. And she was devastated when he affirmed that he was like this with most people.  

Yes, only a few differences, but significant ones. The boy wasn’t nearly as quick-witted as her old friend had been. He had struggled the entire time with learning the class material, despite having attended class that day. She had to explain the lesson to him.

She had tried cracking a joke, a stupid pun, and he stared blankly at her with a puzzled, but friendly smile. She gave up on humor, after that.

And somehow, she could feel his openness by the way his face looked. There was no extra layer to his smile, no hidden depths in his eyes. She could tell that she was interacting with the entirety of him. 

Her friend from high school had been mysterious, like he was guarding some painful secret that tortured and ate at him. Well, actually, that was what he had been doing. With this new boy, she did not need to do any work to see his secret sides. They came up naturally.

She felt awful for constantly comparing this boy to her friend from years ago, but she continued to do so. 

The boy was talking about feeling sad and out of focus after his breakup, which had happened about a month ago. He had looked meaningfully at her when he mentioned that. Her heart skipped a beat, but she convinced herself that she was overthinking things. 

It turned out that he had always been with someone since his sophomore year of high school. She smiled inwardly. He couldn’t handle being alone, either. 

There was something about the night air, or the boy, or maybe just having someone’s attention that made her open up, too. She admitted that she didn’t understand love. That she thought it was a waste of time. That it was like getting a dog: investing in future pain and sadness. 

He laughed at that last part. ‘You’re quite the cynic,’ he chided. 

Her friend would’ve had an ironic, fourth-dimensional quip about how the term cynic came from a Greek word that meant dog-like. 

But the boy continued. He confessed that he didn’t know what love really was, either. He just knew he needed to be with somebody to feel like somebody. And he needed to feel like somebody.  

They fell into comfortable silence. 

They had reached her apartment complex. She shyly waved goodbye, but the boy stopped her before she walked away. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, and asked if they could please exchange contact information. For talking. About school. 

(don’t do it don’t do it you’ll be such a hypocrite don’t do it please don’t)

She smiled and said that that would be very nice.

******************************************************************************

Her inbox was no longer empty. It now housed a hey there! how’s it going? :) 

******************************************************************************

She tossed and turned in bed that night. She was thinking about the boy. 

Why had he taken an interest in her? Why was he so easy to talk to? What did he see in her? Why did he have to look so much like–

–the fact that the boy might have taken an interest in her was the last key difference between him and her old friend. It confirmed that the boy was just second best. A stand-in. A replica. An ersatz mockery of a soulmate. A reminder of whom she had lost.

And that was okay.

Eyelids suddenly heavy, she fell into a deep sleep. 

******************************************************************************

A month after they had met, the boy asked her out. They had been hanging out frequently to study together, get meals together, and just pass the time together. He made sure she was eating. That she was waking up in the mornings. She didn’t feel quite so empty around him. 

Apparently, she made him feel like somebody, too. At least, he said as much. So she said yes. She hated herself, but she said yes. She was scared of losing him.  

She knew she was setting herself up for failure. That it would end badly. That love would screw her over, again. 

But she said yes. 

******************************************************************************

Having never been on a date before, she didn’t know what to expect. She kind of thought it would all crash and burn. 

The food was nice. It was a fancier restaurant, so they shared a meal. She didn’t feel like eating much anyway, though. She was full off of a couple bites. 

They didn’t really know what to talk about. Most of dinner was just them smiling at one another awkwardly. Sitting with one another. Ersatz companionship. 

He paid for the bill (thank God) and they left. He took her hand and she resisted the urge to melt into nothingness. 

He guided them to a part of campus that she wasn’t super familiar with. They sat on a bench there, side-by-side. 

Empty words exchanged. Kind of sweet to hear, but that was about it.

Then he kissed her. She closed her eyes. Wasn’t bad. Wasn’t great. Too late to just stay friends. 

******************************************************************************

One year after they had met, she had her last appointment with her therapist. She mentioned that things were getting serious between her and the boy. They were planning on living together after they graduated and found jobs. Her therapist had told her that their relationship was unhealthy. That it wasn’t love. That it was a shoddy imitation of it. That they were using one another as crutches. A reminder of their inability to live their own lives. The term codependency was thrown around quite a bit. 

She decided to finally heed her parents’ advice.

******************************************************************************  

Two years after they had met, she was heaving a suitcase onto his bed. He was smiling gently at her as she unpacked the last of her belongings for their shared apartment. 

She was pretty sure she loved him. It was similar to what she’d felt for the better version before. She was able to feel without the constant fear of losing him, this time. He was her everything. His problems were hers. She didn’t feel empty when she was with him.

She was pretty sure it was love. 

And she thought she was good for him, too. He was driven, focused. He always told her that she made him feel like somebody. She was happy to be of use.  

He didn’t really tell her that he loved her, very often. But she could feel it through his actions. He stuck around because he had to have loved her. 

****************************************************************************** 

Five years after they had met, they went out for dinner. He was paying, and she was thrilled. She kind of liked the big fuss he was making over it, especially because lately money wasn’t as easily come by for either of them. He didn’t usually make such gestures anymore. 

A fancy restaurant. Like their first date. Roses and wine. They dressed to fit the part. He looked handsome in his black coat, which they both knew was a knockoff. 

Prior to this anniversary, she had also done some research into gemstones. Diamonds. Not for any particular reason. She’d also left the tabs open on her computer for him to see. Not for any particular reason.  

Here with him, she felt content. She felt a sense of pleasant inertia. She felt full to the brim. They had been looking for houses for a while, now, and she appreciated the routine. The safety of having someone to share her days with. 

Briefly, she wondered if this feeling was her settling down

(or just settling)

and looked back up at him, smiling sweetly. 

Dinner was served. They shared a meal. They didn’t talk too much. 

It was there, after the plates had been whisked away and as the patrons began to dwindle that the boy, now very much a man, got out of his chair. He got down on one knee in front of her, and opened a small felt box that he produced from his breast pocket. 

She grinned and felt, deep in her belly, the bubbling of what she thought was happiness.

She was nodding before he even asked the question, embarrassed to find tears rolling down her cheeks. Like a cliché movie scene. He laughed handsomely and slipped the beautifully shining ring onto her finger, and she raised it to the light to admire it.

The lack of discernible color, the lack of optical flaws, the obvious discrepancy in weight. 

He had bought a fake diamond ring. Cubic zirconia, she recalled from her research. A shoddy replica. An ersatz mockery of the real thing.

She could feel something draining out of her, emptying her, and he hugged her, whispering sweetly, lovingly:

‘It reminded me of us.’  

Hey I’m coming out of hibernation to give my unasked for opinion on season 4 and the opinion is: ....good?

I LOVED three episodes, tolerated two, and just... straight up didn’t watch episode 4 because it’s useless filler that completely decimates the pacing and tone of the overall season.

I didn’t ENTIRELY skip it. I watched enough to determine that it was gonna be filler, then skipped through it to see if there would be plot-relevant information, which there wasn’t, then decided to just skip to episode 5 because I don’t care for VLD’s filler epiosdes.

Alright, let’s first see what I liked about this season:

 First off: Episode two is a masterpiece. 

My only bit of criticism is that Matt and Pidge’s dialogue during the reunion sounded a bit off, but aside from that it was absolutely amazing.

Is it just me or did the art really shine in ep 2? I love how soft and light Pidge’s memories are coloured, and the entire graveyard scene had some brilliant backgrounds and animation angles (like focusing in on the teardrop from the inside of Pidge’s helmet). It was fucking gorgeous.

Pidge jumping Matt and dancing around her room after hearing that he got into the Garrison is the epitome of cute.

AND PIDGE! Her gathering intel from the unilu guy was great, I loved her exasperated attitude, and the raw emotion radiating off of her when she thought about Matt and when she thought he was dead... god I love Pidge.

This brings me to another thing I liked: Matt.

It’s funny how well the fandom actually managed to guess his character? Of course he’s better written than the fandom, but it’s roughly the same guy everyone expected, which is funny to me.

I love how much he loves Pidge? There isn’t a single moment where he’s like “damn I wish I was the paladin of voltron not katie”, no he is so excited about everything she’s accomplished and so proud of how far she’s come, and I just really appreciate that.

Also @ him meeting Allura: same.

I also really liked how they handled Keith this season. By far the most interesting parts of his character are his hesitation to be the leader he could be and his single-minded dedication to Voltron’s cause. It was really interesting to see how they played against each other this season, even if Keith was only in it for like, two or three episodes.

Speaking of characters I liked this season: Lotor. He’s never been particularly interesting to me, but I admit, I’m intruiged. Why does he want harvest the dimensional rift’s quintessence that badly? What’s his deal?

I really liked the little tidbit of Olkarion building homes for refugees. It was nice to see this adressed in-show, and really helped the worldbuilding.

I loved seeing Keith’s leaving of the team parallel Pidge’s attempt in season 1. It felt really interesting to see Keith do the exact thing that got him so angry in the first season.

I loved how they integrated Hunk into Pidge’s and Matt’s tech relationship immediately. Though I’m still on the edge about his writing this season, I think they gave him proper respect and he even had a stand-out moment in the Galra communications center.

“Allura, you’re Keith. It’s easy, just act really moody” *Allura pouts and folds her arms* “Good!”

Yes that’s just about the only scene I sat through in its entirety in ep 4 and though I hate that episode I gotta give it credit where credit is due: I laughed out loud.

Allura and Lance’s relationship this season is A++++ 

Lotor’s girls are no longer Lotor’s girls and honestly? Good for them.

Haggar continues to be the only competent member of the Galra empire. Just give her the throne already she’s the only thing sustaining you guys.

The last episode was really, really good. The entire planet is a bomb? Damn. AND THAT CLIFFHANGER.

Things I didn’t like:

I didn’t like the coalition worldbuilding. This is what I was looking forward to the most, because I LOVE this stype of worldbuilding, but Voltron really disappointed me with it. There’s more to building an alliance than just putting on shows. What about the cultural differences between planets? How are they dealt with? If planets refuse to join the coalition, do they still receive aid from Voltron? If so, what is Voltron’s bargaining chip for when planets don’t want to risk their lives fighting the Galra? This and many more questions should have been asked, but nope. It’s shows everybody. Razzle dazzle!

I felt like Keith’s connection to the Blades should have been built up more. Season 3 neglected to show Keith building the relationship to the Blade that he showed in the first episode of this season, which really threw me off. As a result, his decision to leave Voltron and join the Blades felt somewhat rushed and forced. It was a decent solution all-together considering the piloting problems with Voltron (though I don’t expect it to last), but it could’ve been built up more.

In fact, continuity problems are something that has really started bugging me since season 3. 

They really started in season 2, but became noticable in season 3.

Season 2′s problems were self-contained; the continuity issues weren’t so much plot threads that were left hanging, but rather tone inconsistencies (re: Space Mall). They were fairly mild though, and not worth complaining about.

But then season 3 rolled around and really started dropping the ball on it. Plot threads introduced in season 2 (Allura’s powers, Slav) were never mentioned again, and even within the season itself there were events that didn’t seem to have any resolution (Lotor’s take-over of Puig). 

Season 4 really suffers from season 3′s confusion. For example: Allura’s powers being brought up felt weird because we never saw her telling the team about them. Season 3 should’ve worked to establish their presence before they got used in this season’s finale, because, well, now I’ve just dubbed them “Allura’s Deus Ex Machina Powers”.

For fuck’s sake, we don’t even know what they ARE, exactly! The closest we have to a confirmation came from a non-canon guidebook! Like! FOR FUCK’S SAKE THIS IS INTERESTING SPEND TIME ON THEM.

Other examples of season 3 failing to establish season 4 include Zarkon’s miraculous and completely unforshadowed recovery, Keith’s sudden Blade missions, and the building of a coalition that seemed to only be present in I think one episode of season 3?

Season 3′s failure to establish the groundwork season 4 seems to be built on is just really bad writing that affects my enjoyment of season 4 and it pisses me off.

What I’m getting at is that season 3 and 4 should’ve been one season and that there should’ve been more cohesion between them and the previous seasons.

Tone inconsistency was also a problem in season 4. Episode 4, as stated, was a complete waste of time and animation and should’ve been brought out as an OVA or something. Episode 3 also had serious tone problems, flip-flopping between light-hearted cow shenanigans and super serious Galra bullshit. It was jarring.

All in all: this season lacked cohesion and it was annoying.

Overall I have some mixed opinions on this season: I think it had some really great moments and episodes, but at the same time I felt like it didn’t mash well enough with the other seasons and lacked build-up.

I thought I was the only one until I read this! I believe that there are many, many out there who can identify with the writer. Very well written! I’m fed up with church. This isn’t coming from an atheist or someone who despises everything related to God. This isn’t coming from a former man of faith who decided to give up on his spirituality. This is coming from a sincere Christian who’s been attending church for most of his life. Yes, you read that correctly: I’m a follower of Jesus who hates going to church. That probably sounds like an oxymoron to some of you. Well, before I continue expounding upon this in much further detail, I want to clarify a few things: Many people who read this blog will be very quick to criticize and judge me for it. I guarantee that some will indeed be very angry and offended at what I’m about to write (even at what’s already been said in the first few sentences), and I may also lose a few friends in the process. This topic isn’t meant to be taken lightly; we’re talking about an area of life that most Christians consider sacred and of utmost importance in their relationship with God. I’ve been accused of being unloving, disrespectful, dishonoring to church leaders, and so many other things simply because I bring up the issues and inconsistencies that I and countless others have PERSONALLY experienced while being at church. Until now, I’ve even screened my content and limited how much I challenge those problems for fear of hurting and offending others. It’s time for me to be honest. I’m done with living in the fear of man, worrying about offending Christians just for sharing my heart. I’m done with watching congregants crumble under the controlling, manipulative hand of religious leadership and not saying anything about it because I don’t want to be “dishonoring” to those in “authority.” I’m done with caring what people think or say about me for fear of rejection. So many people feel the same exact way about these things as I do, but are too afraid to speak up about it. If I can’t be brutally honest with others, how can I be honest with God? And if my friends are willing to disown me and never talk to me again because of something I believe, then were they really my friends to begin with? Was our friendship actually based on love, or just a common ideology? If you can’t handle my honesty and me sharing my experiences, then with all due respect, you don’t have to read my blog. I’m not shutting up anymore. Hate me, call me what you will, but I must stay true to myself and the conviction that God has placed on my heart. My reasons for posting this are not only to challenge certain aspects of what church has become, but also to help bring awareness of the freedom we can have from a system that’s held many of us captive for so long. Please keep in mind that I’m NOT encouraging Christians to stay away from their local churches or trying to convince you that going to church is a bad thing. These experiences and thoughts are MINE, and although many other people have experienced similar occurrences, my words don’t epitomize every single church group that exists in the world. I hope that my intentions will be more clear as you read further along. If you’re still reading this and haven’t completely shut me out by now, thank you for your patience and openness. I’ll now continue forward: Defining the Church: A Building or a Body? What is church? When I say that I hate “church,” I’m not referring to the Body of Christ or any specific group of people. This is where a bunch of readers get mistaken when it comes to my content. They see me talk about church in a negative way and assume that I hate Christians. This can’t be further from the truth; I love people. Jesus loves his children and I believe that I should express that love too. I wouldn’t write the things that I do if I wasn’t trying to HELP people. Also, when I say that I hate “church,” I’m not referring to the gathering of a community of believers in fellowship. Fellowship and community are incredibly important when it comes to our relationship with God and the world. Some of the most precious times in my years being a Christian were during times of discussing, worshiping, and praying with other believers. When I say that I hate “church,” I’m referring to the religious, organized, over-packaged, monotonous, manipulative system/cycle that disguises itself as the true Church. WE are the true Church; the Church is the Body of Christ, the children of God. Should there be community within the Body? Of course! But so many Christians have confused the Body with a building. We’re taught that in order to grow closer to God and to experience his presence, we need to go to a specific location, enter a specific building, sing a few specific songs, sit down and listen quietly to a specific person, and go home just to repeat the same cycle the next week. Is that what the Christian life is about? I was practically born in church. I started attending church with my family even before it was a personal choice of mine. “Going to church” regularly was a part of my life. As far as it becoming a choice, I started choosing to attend weekly services at around the age of twelve. Often times, I would attend more than one service per week. I’m twenty-three years old now, so that would mean I attended 2-3 services a week for over ten years. That’s at least 1,560 church services since I began voluntarily going (and that’s not including the times I went against my will). I don’t write this to brag, because I honestly don’t see that as something to brag about. I’ve done the “good Christian thing.” I’ve gone to the same building to “meet with God.” I’ve sung the same old tired worship songs. I’ve sat down quietly and listened to pastors preach their sermons. I’ve given money that I didn’t have to support all of it. I’ve done this repeatedly for years… and I’m sick of it. I’m bored. I feel like every time I sit in a church or at school chapel, I don’t want to be there. Can anyone relate? I’m tired of doing the same old routines and expecting new results. This is NOT how Jesus described the Church. This is not how it was in the book of Acts or in the lives of the apostles/disciples. They saw power! They built relationships with sinners, drunks, pagans, the outcasts of society and saw miraculous things happen! What’s interesting is that the Bible never commands us to GO to church; it commands us to BE the Church! Jesus commanded believers to go make disciples of ALL nations and to bring the kingdom. He didn’t say to go gather as many Christians who think the same way into a building every Sunday, sing songs about him, listen to one person speak about the Bible, and pay tithes. Please hear that I’m not condemning you if you participate in any of those things. If you find meaning and purpose in them, then by all means keep doing what you’re doing. I even occasionally listen to sermons online every now and then. But for many of us, that just won’t settle anymore. If you’re content with attending weekly services and feel that they’re beneficial to you, then I bless you in your endeavors. However, the point that I’m making here is to say that “going to church” is simply a personal choice and not a requirement for spiritual growth by any means. House of the Lord? One of the main reasons I attended weekly meetings was to experience the presence of God. I believed that because the church building was dedicated to worship, it was a place where the Holy Spirit dwelled. If I wanted to encounter God in a tangible way, I could go to this place and meet him. God was more in that place than he was with me at home, so I had to go there as much as possible. This is a common mindset to many people, especially those in Charismatic circles. The idea that some buildings are more holy than others and that we have to go to a specific location if we want to experience the anointing is not only an Old Covenant way of thinking, but it’s also plain silly. God is everywhere, and his presence is the same everywhere. If he lives in you, then you have as much anointing as any building does. You don’t have to go into a building to experience God; you can experience him wherever you are! One excuse that I’ve heard for making weekly services an obligation is this verse: “Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God” (Psalm 92:13). The attempt is to prove that the Scriptures support going to church as a means for spiritual growth. But what’s funny about this interpretation is that the “house of the Lord” mentioned in this verse isn’t referring to an American piece of architecture. It’s referring to the ancient Hebrew Tabernacle/temple, where the Holy Spirit resided under the Old Covenant. Under the New Covenant, what is the house of the Lord? That’s right: WE are the temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19)! The house of the Lord isn’t a building; our bodies are the houses of the Lord. The Facade of Fellowship “Don’t stop meeting together with other believers, which some people have gotten into the habit of doing” (Hebrews 10:25). This is another reason I always hear to support going to church. But you’ll notice that “don’t stop meeting together with other believers” is very different from “don’t stop attending scheduled meetings every week and sitting under the pastor’s teaching.” Again, I agree that fellowship and community are both necessary and important for Christians to mature and grow, but the manner of how we fellowship shouldn’t have to be micromanaged by any specific religious system. I find that a major problem in many churches is that they claim to be a community and contain fellowship, when in reality, those things are nowhere to be found. We may not like to admit it, but church just isn’t designed for fellowship. The function of churches that I’ve been to my entire life has been as follows: The congregation walks in, starts up short conversation before service begins, sings a few worship songs together, sits down to hear the sermon, and then leaves. In many cases, the members desire to talk with one another after the service is over, but are often ushered out of the building. I’m not sure about you, but his was how my experience was. Is that really “fellowship?” The system of church functions allows for minimal involvement with other Christians during the service. The majority of our time is spent sitting in a pew, looking at the back of someone’s head who we may have swiftly greeted in passing, and then it’s over. We come back the next week and call it “fellowship.” In my experience, the REAL fellowship and community came AFTER the service, when the members would meet up for lunch and talk, or when a small bunch of us went to a home group. You know, actually getting to know each other. Imagine that! How can we get to know each other and claim to have fellowship if all we do is sit and listen to one person speak for an hour and then leave to do it all over again? That’s not fellowship; that’s a classroom. I’m an experiential learner. I personally don’t learn very well through lectures (I never have). School was never my thing, and I always hated sitting in a classroom listening to professors lecture because 1) it was impersonal and boring, and 2) if I don’t get involved somehow through hands-on activity, I tune out and don’t learn anything. I can understand that some people enjoy those types of systems, but people like me can’t learn that way. If I’m not a fan of school lecturing during the week, then why would I want to learn about God that way on weekends? This revelation hit me hard when I participated in a college play earlier this year. I spent hours each day with the cast, not because it was a matter of obligation, but because I got to know them well and enjoyed spending time with them. We became like a family; we had fun together, we talked about God together, and we enjoyed serving each other. And you know what? Not only did I feel a deeper sense of fellowship and community at rehearsals than I did at church, but I learned way more about myself and God in a few months with the cast than I did in years of going to church meetings. Did I learn a lot in church? You bet. Did I also have to UNLEARN a lot that I was taught there? You bet. I enjoy learning and growing through experience. Jesus didn’t only teach; he demonstrated and brought the disciples into a lifestyle they could see and touch. They had hands-on training. Jesus met with them personally and enjoyed spending time with them. The disciples didn’t go to church, they WERE the Church. Ask yourself this question: If real fellowship happens only after the main service during meals or home groups, then why is the actual service necessary for fellowship? What’s it’s purpose? To experience God? We can do that anywhere. To hear a message? We can do that online or even hear from God ourselves if we want to. To see a fiery preacher? That would make church about one person. To sing songs? We can do that with Christians anywhere. To pay tithes? Is money what church is all about? Think about it. Conditional Community In my neighborhood, there’s a small park that has a lot of heritage. But another thing that this park is known for is the people who go there. It’s constantly full of homeless people, drunks, and drug addicts. Those in New York City who have no place to live often sleep in this park. The poverty and hurt there is incredibly tough to look at. The church that I attended for ten years was right across the street from this park. You would think that a place which is supposed to offer hope, love, and comfort to those in need would do something to help these homeless and hurting people, right? The church did nothing. There was no outreach or continued evangelism program that reached out to these people at all. They weren’t even invited to attend services or experience God. They were completely ignored like a piece of litter on the street, while the children of God (representatives of Christ) sat and listened to someone preach prosperity. The church prided itself on doing good around the world and legitimately helped many people in other countries, but didn’t even help those right in front of them. A friend of mine told a story of when he volunteered to give out free invites for the church to people outside. This friend mentioned that he tried giving invites to the homeless people in the neighborhood park, but was then told by someone in leadership: “Don’t give those to them. Those aren’t the kind of people we want.” Are you kidding me? What are the “kind” of people Jesus hung out with and came to save? That’s your sense of community? The people Jesus had fellowship with are the very people the church often rejects. It’s disgusting, and don’t think I’m attacking one church or am saying these things because of animosity against certain leaders. It’s not just one church. These types of situations are happening in churches all over the globe. People call themselves a light in a dark world, the salt of the earth, and the ambassadors of the kingdom, but they’re doing nothing to shape the community around them. I know that I’m not perfect and that I can also do much better in helping those in my neighborhood, but the church needs to wake up and act like Jesus. We can have seven different churches in one town, yet the community isn’t changing. We talk about transforming the world, meanwhile the people in our congregations are complacent and people on the street corners are dying right in front of our eyes! CAN’T YOU SEE THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG HERE? Church has made community conditional: we say that we accept everyone but we really don’t, whether the cause be financial status or even skin color (I’ve seen it). One of the happiest moments of my life was when a friend and I found a drunk man out on the street and brought him to church with us. He smelled horrible, slurred his words, and cussed like a sailor. We didn’t care; we brought him to the meeting and he sat down next to us. Those in the building turned around and gave us funny looks, but this man stayed for the entire duration of the meeting. He finally found someone who accepted him into an environment that usually wasn’t accepting of his “kind.” THAT’S community. That’s the kingdom. Business Church has become more of a business than a place of community and servanthood. The system can’t function unless it receives donations or “tithes” from it’s members. The leadership says the money goes toward missions and organizations in other countries (which is great), but often times the people in the congregations themselves are struggling financially and the churches don’t do anything to help. The goal is to get as many butts in the seats as possible and to fill up as many services as they can. Jesus told us to go OUT and preach the good news to the world, but we’d much rather try and get the world IN to our orderly scheduled meetings. My mother is one of the most hard-working people I know. She’s busted her behind my entire life, trying to make sure her children are taken care of and financially stable, even at the cost of her own expenses. When it comes to her kids, she’s the most giving person I’ve ever encountered, regardless of what she has. But my family has always struggled to pay rent and other expenses at certain times. God has taken care of our needs, but there have been plenty of times growing up when I remember us having little to no money to spend. We’ve had the electricity in our apartment shut off more than once because we couldn’t pay the bills. One week, I opened the refrigerator only to find a jar of applesauce. That’s all we had to eat in the entire apartment. My mother had to humble herself and borrow food from the neighbors just so we could survive the week. I’ve had my fair share of rough times. But we still decided to go to church and give ten percent of what we had because we were promised a “harvest” in return and because it was worship that God desired. Christians are promised a financial blessing if they give money to keep the system running, but they’re left watching as only the leadership receives all of the benefits. I remember watching one time as the leaders of a church decided to appreciate its own staff by buying them all iPhones. They proceeded to give out these gifts to the staff in front of the entire congregation during the service. Meanwhile, there were people sitting in the seats who couldn’t even pay their phone bills that month. I’m not saying that giving and receiving expensive products is bad. I’m all for having nice things. But if churches can’t even take care of their own members, how can they say they’re helping people? The leaders have nice cars, houses, and other things that have been paid by the attenders’ offerings, and the attenders’ are living paycheck-to-paycheck. That’s not right. I’d like to think I’m a giving person. I love doing things for others that they won’t be able to repay me for. When it comes to church attendance, it’s not about the tithes and offerings. I’d much rather give money to a friend who’s struggling to pay rent or one of those homeless people in the park than to give 10% of my income to a place that doesn’t care about them. I’m looking forward to the day when church offerings look like this again: “All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need” (Acts 2:44-45). “All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need” (Acts 4:32-35). This was how money worked in the early church. It wasn’t about making sure a building could stay open or a pastor could get rich; it was about the Body of Christ caring for each other and supporting each other for whatever they had need of. A Hierarchy of Control & Exclusive Leadership “But what about accountability? Who’s your “covering”? I get this a lot. The intent is to say that because I choose not to attend regular weekly meetings, I somehow won’t have accountability or discipleship for my relationship with God. Well for one, Jesus is the head of the Church. The pastor is NOT. Any leader who claims to be the head of any church is lying and is on a power trip seeking to control people. Jesus is the ultimate authority in any group of believers. I can have accountability through friends and family, but most of all, the Spirit of God who lives in me. I can respect authority figures in the Church, but that doesn’t mean I need them breathing down my neck and managing my every move in my walk with God. There are many leaders that I look up to, but God alone is my “covering.” He’s all I need, and he can lead me perfectly fine. One thing I adore about home groups is that although there are clear leaders, no one person is above anyone else. Everyone has an equal opportunity to share revelation that God has given them, or to operate in their spiritual gifts as they see fit. The leaders make sure that this is done in an orderly manner. However, in the church system, you have one person (pastor, bishop, priest, etc.) who gets up in front of everyone and talks for an hour about their interpretation of the Bible. There’s no form of interaction between Christians because they all must sit quietly and listen to one person give THEIR opinion about God. What happens then is this one person has now built a platform in which THEY are the anointed leader, and anyone who challenges or questions them and their views are automatically wrong. The challengers are accused of being “dishonoring” or not “submissive” to authority, even though they’re only sharing their opinions. I have friends who’ve been in ministry for years and are more than qualified to preach and teach others about the Lord, yet pastors refuse to ordain them because they aren’t quite “ready” yet. So when is “ready”? When their theology becomes the same as everyone else? When they’ve been a Christian long enough? When they earn a college degree? Jesus called his disciples and immediately sent them out to minister. How many of the apostles were legally ordained? None. But of course, the “anointed” clergy in the church had the final say. I visited a church in Vermont once, and after the service ended, the pastor stayed at the altar and spoke/prayed with anyone who needed it. I thought to myself, “This pastor actually sticks around for a long time and serves people? How awesome!” I was used to pastors who’d preach their sermons and immediately leave when it was over. They claimed they were “too busy” or that there were just too many people who wanted to pray. This is why I kept my mouth shut for so long. I had so much respect for religious leaders just because they were the ones “in charge” and had superior knowledge of theology, that I never brought up any of the problems I’ve previously mentioned in this blog. I knew that there were issues in the churches I attended, but I was afraid to speak up because I was told to respect my elders and to “submit to authority.” “Touch not the Lord’s anointed,” right? Ha. I’m no longer scared to write about these things because just like getting out of a bad relationship, we always have 20/20 hindsight when we’re finally free. I didn’t want to admit that I felt trapped at the time, but now I feel what so many Christians before me have felt: frustrated. I was the youth leader of a church once. It all ended when I posted a Facebook status sharing my honesty about certain things I believe. I was called “un-Christian” and told that I was causing “disunity,” “confusion,” and “disturbing the peace” of the church. I was told that I “gave up the right” to share my opinions on social media when I joined staff. Talk about control, huh? I then decided to leave because why should anyone want to stay in a position where they were being accused of those things? They couldn’t handle me being part of their leadership just because they disagreed with me on something. Can anyone else relate? The week after I left, an entire sermon was preached on why what I believed and briefly mentioned in that status was heretical. I wasn’t mentioned by name, but the damage was done. I was the heretic, the deceived one, the one preaching a false gospel… All because of one Facebook post. Since then, only one or two people in the whole congregation has even contacted me (none of which were on staff). Not a call, not a text, not an email, or even a Facebook message. This was the place I dedicated my life to for almost ten years. I trusted these people. I practically grew up there, but am now treated like an outcast that never existed. I was quickly replaced by another youth leader as if my time there had meant nothing. I can only pray that everyone there is blessed, regardless of how I was treated. These types of things are happening over and over again in the world. You’d be amazed at some of the stories I’ve heard. It’s not about the people in leadership as much as it’s the legalistic concept of what it means to “do church” and the pride that it brings to those with a ministry platform. Conclusion This is why I write what I do. There are people who love Jesus out there, just like me, who are fed up with church. The religious system of control will continue to keep Christians in slavery if things don’t change. There are many wonderful pastors and leaders in the Body of Christ, and not all of them are the way I described throughout this article. As I said earlier, these are MY experiences that others have similarly gone through. If you “go to church,” you’re not a heathen. Likewise, if you don’t go to church, you’re not a heathen either. I get you, and I completely understand your struggles for true community. I have no problem visiting church meetings and worshiping there, but until I find a place that will accept me regardless of my theology, allow me to get involved without micromanaging me, or actually care enough to stick with me through my honesty and hard times, I won’t commit. Jesus always accepts me. I won’t sit under any ministry that claims to care about people but doesn’t help to change their own community or those in its own circle. If you’re a spiritual leader in any way, I hope you think hard about what’s been written here. While I’m angry about the manipulation that goes on in many areas, I long to see the Church fulfill its purpose: to love and to serve. If you say you want to minister, then do what comes with the job description and serve people. If you’re not a leader, but a person who regularly attends church meetings, I want you also to think about these things. What do you get out of going to church? What SHOULD you be getting out of it? Do you find it easy to be open and honest with your church leaders? Could you challenge and question your leaders, or will that get you into trouble? Is your church about programs and traditions, or about power and world change? Is your church doing more to help itself grow, or is it actually attempting to bring transformation to its community? Get honest with yourself, your mentors, and with God. Many people go to church their whole lives and never change, not because going to a place to worship is awful, but because Church isn’t a place you go to; it’s who you are. God is much bigger than your four walls. ~One Liitle Spark 🙏😎✝️

Askplosion #12 4/4:

(I would like to state for future reference that, while I do not mind long/multi-part asks, if you’d like to engage in actual discussion with me over a non-Miraculous topic, my DMs - Tumblr Messenger - should be open; I lost pieces of three multi-part asks this time just due to Tumblr not sending the remaining part(s) so yeah, I just wanted to make that clear)

(like, this askplosion ended up being super long because of this section and that’s not really what I want to have going on since I’m supposed to be a primarily Miraculous blog; I don’t want to have to stop answering non-Miraculous related asks but I might have to if this keeps up:)

.:New non-Miraculous Asks:.

Anonymous said:

What are your experiences with some really rude anons?

It’s partly my fault when it happens. Like I’ve said before, I’m an aspie, and part of what that means is I struggle to understand situations emotionally. I can come off as insensitive or read the mood wrong which often leads to people misunderstanding my intentions or where I’m coming from.

More often than not, what I’m saying will make 100% sense to me but not the person/people reading it. I also stick a lot more firmly to my opinions than I should because people tell me I fold too easily, and I come off as more egotistical than I actually am to cover up my low self-esteem lol.

So yeah, can’t think of any experience in particular but sometimes it might be my fault? At least I suspect that it is?

Anonymous said:

“Killed by kindness” makes me think of an assassin who kills people by giving hugs and compliments to people and the occasion gift that isn’t tampered until thre target does like Conrad Birdie making women swoon into fainting by singing.

omg

yes

Anonymous said:

You're watching Yashahime right now? rip

MARINETTE TAKE 2 MOROHA DESERVES BETTER

SETSUNA HAS SO LITTLE REASON TO HANG OUT WITH THE OTHER TWO GIRLS

IF I SEE ANOTHER DEUS EX TOWA I’M GONNA KICK SOMETHING

(so yes, I’m watching Yashahime)

Anonymous said:

Since someone recommended Remarried Empress, I would like to recommend my own webcomic: Princess Love-Pon! It's about a young girl named Lia Sagamore who becomes the titular magical girl and purifies people's hearts when they're tainted by the Dark Queen! It's really cool due to its diversity, the main character is black and her best friend is Afro-Latina, the villain and her prince son are also black, and there's a Japanese girl, a black guy, and an Indian girl. Plus, loads of pink and frills!

Thank you very much, though I actually don’t take recommendations, even from close friends. The Remarried Empress anon wasn’t a recommendation; they were more pointing something out to me and then I went to confirm.

Anonymous said:

Unrelated to MLB: Which Pokémon are your favourites?

I used a “Favorite Pokemon Picker” because I prefer going by generations to pick favorites and that was the easiest way of going about it. I struggle picking super favorites so here’s what I got form each generation! (my only rule was “one Pokemon per evolution line” with an exception of the Eevee line since they’re different types, and also Alolan/Galarian forms)

(note: the blue-patterned Vivillon is my favorite and I honestly don’t like Charizard normally but the Y version actually slims him down and gives him the wings I feel he should have; it’s an improvement of the design so it gets my seal of approval, I don’t like the X version at all)

(lol I was looking through this after I was done and find it really funny how it’s like, 50% cute things and then the other 50% is just EDGY, there’s very little in-between with me I guess)

Anonymous said:

Bridgerton the Series: Yay or nay? Sorry if you haven’t seen it or it’s not your thing. I was just curious.

Never seen it, though when I brought up to someone, they didn’t recommend it to me at all ahaha.

Anonymous said:

I previously kept having this argument about The Bechdel Test with someone. She keeps insisting that the test is invalid because there's nothing wrong with talking about men and that it was created for lesbians only, and not for feminists, with the implication that being a lesbian somehow means that you dislike men or want them gone. And she also thinks the test is about NEVER talking about men, rather than merely occasionally talking about other things. I keep telling her otherwise, but...

jdfhkgdfhjgdfg “lesbians only”

now all I can imagine is “lesbians only” sections at restaurants and such

Anonymous said:

Have you ever played Akinator, with or without the Miraculous Ladybug characters? Because I played it with Ochaco from MHA and Marinette and he guessed them within a second(can your character control gravity? Is your character a protagonist?). I even played it with myself as the "character" and he guessed "your shadow" lol. How about you?

I’ve played Akinator before but I don’t specifically remember what I was searching for lol.

Anonymous said:

The cast for the newest Power Rangers series got revealed, and I hate that as soon as I saw the Pink Ranger's bio mentioned she was an internet journalist, I thought of Alya. I really hope she doesn't have the same problems as Alya in the series proper.

fhgdfkgd journalists have been ruined for us forever

Anonymous said:

Have you noticed that in many shows, especially shonen shows, people tend to hate the most "feminine" female character? Like, in Naruto it was Sakura, in Death Note it was Misa, in My Hero Academia it was Ochaco(although a lot of people like her so I'm not so sure about that last one?). The most hated character in one too many a shonen is almost always the "girliest" of the characters. They're always claimed to be useless or reliant on a man. And this is within the fandom who should know better!

It probably didn’t help with Sakura that she was decked out in pink hair; that’s an instant girl label for you (or lesbian label, depends on the person :P).

I don’t think I’ve been in enough fandoms to have such an experience but I definitely see where you’re coming from.

Anonymous said:

Rewatching Chat Blanc and Here To Help from Star vs. and hearing Adrien/Marco tell Marinette/Star that they always liked the girls from the beginning makes me so pissed. It's not that I don't ship Starco(I do! But I also like MarcoxJanna), although I don't ship the love square, but I'm so annoyed with writers finding the need to make the audience "know" that the main ship's characters "always" liked each other, as if that makes their love for each other more true, even if it's obvious they had other crushes? Like, what happened to Kagami Tsurugi? Jackie-Lynn Thomas?

News flash: Teenagers are allowed to have crushes on multiple other people before they find "the One". It doesn't mean their love for that "One" is any less valid. And if you still want to pull the "they always liked each other since they first met", at least make it actually TRUE!!! Don't have them have crushes on other people before moving on to the "official" crush and be all like "Oh, by the way, I liked you from the start," when it's dead obvious they didn't. You're doing a disservice to the romantic "false" leads.

I'm willing to forgive Star's crush on Oskar and Tom since she's not the one claiming she always liked Marco(even though she fell in love with him LONG before he fell in love with her, which is a nice turn of events), although her "love" for Oskar was merely an infatuation at most and I personally don't see why it was needed. Why don't they just say that their old crush didn't do it for them???

UGH, I remember watching that show and being so annoyed because I really liked Marco and Jackie and wanted them to be a thing but I knew that they’d pull Starco in the end because of course they would.

It also totally makes it seem as if love is the most powerful relationship there is (aros would like a word), which is so bizarre when there are so many “power of friendship” tropes. Like, a male and female lead have to get together because their relationship is the strongest.

The love square would hold so much more meaning to me without this love drama nonsense. It’s tiring.

Anonymous said:

Have you seen Yuki Yuna Is a Hero? If so, then what are your thoughts on it? I was thinking of watching it but it seems to be another "taking away the empowerment of the magical girl genre by making the girls suffer instead" type story. I read about it on TV Tropes and apparently it's a deconstruction that takes after Madoka Magica which already puts a bad taste in my mouth, but then I got to the examples and they're basically about how girls who get magical powers lose their body parts one by one and that the reason only girls can be heroes is because "young girls have always been sacrifices".

Not to mention it was written by a man and aimed towards a seinen(adult men ages 17-35) demographic, making it torture porn for adult men. Also, both the laconic page for Yuki Yuna and Madoka Magica say "Being a magical girl sucks."(though for Yuki Yuna it adds "Unless you have the power of friendship.") and to be honest that kills any desire in me to watch the show. Should I give it a chance?

Oof.

Yeah, after bringing it up to a friend of mine, it was instantly recommended of me not to watch it, so I’d say, “no.”

Anonymous said:

Let's make one thing perfectly clear. I, love, love, LOVE Sailor Moon. And I love the transformations, too. But if there's one thing I don't love, it's that their outfits all look pretty much the same but with different colors/different lengths of gloves and shoes and stuff like that, and that they all have the exact same body type save for the one fat girl who's made to look bad. I don't like Madoka Magica, but at least they all had unique/different costumes(but they still have similar bodies).

We’re not allowed diversity here. Take your different body types to a show that cares; we’re all about femininity here and how girls can be beautiful and powerful no matter wha--oh wait...

Yeah, I don’t care for the design in Sailor Moon, but that’s because skirts don’t interest me design-wise unless it’s really unique/interesting.

(note that there’s a lot of talk about tomboys, sexism, and TV tropes and such below, and then Madoka Magica after that; that’s basically the rest of this askplosion:)

Anonymous said:

I just saw the thumbnail for a video called "Why You Should Watch Princess Tutu(Yes, I Know The Name Is Stupid)". Umm, why is it stupid exactly? Because it's "girly"? What is with people thinking that in order for a girly show to be good they have to first separate the show from its girliness in order to enjoy it? It's like how men will say a show is good despite it being girly, or that since it's good it's no longer girly. Nobody does this for boy shows, because boy things are "never" stupid.

Princess = girly thing

Tutu = girly thing

girly things = bad

That’s the formula~ They should’ve called it something edgier and manly so that more people would be interested.

Anonymous said:

I'm wary of any woman or girl who says, "I'm a girl, but I'd rather read books about guys" or "I'm a female writer but I mostly write stories about male characters". I feel like those women are the "not like other girls/one of the guys" type who suffer from internalized misogyny and don't like female characters. I also feel like they're the type to not care about female representation, because in their minds, girls shouldn't care about female role models. We can enjoy males just as much! I do!

To be fair, they might also just be writing about shirtless men doing “handsome” things. ;P

But nah, I see your point. Me personally, I try to find a balance of writing both, but I do think there can be bias.

Anonymous said:

Do you think it's okay to like a ship but acknowledge that it wouldn't be safe or healthy or condonable in real life? Because I was just thinking of how a lot of people like some really "toxic" ships like Veronica/JD in Heathers, Yuno/Yukki in Future Diary, Madoka/Homura in Madoka Magica(although some people don't like it because of its toxicity/like it but don't realize it's toxic), almost any villain/hero ship, the list goes on. But they're aware of the fact that it's not a good standard for healthy relationships in real life.

An alternative I've seen is people having a crush on "dangerous" characters like JD and Yuno, or Karma from Assassination Classroom(there's not a single video on YouTube with him in it that DOESN'T have comments full of people saying they want Karma to father their children), but still being aware of the fact that the character is a) not real and b) wouldn't be a good partner if they were real(and that's assuming they even want to be with you. But sometimes there's a good reason for falling in love with a "toxic/dangerous" character.

Take Monika from Doki Doki Literature Club! She's obsessed with the player(not the player CHARACTER, the flesh and blood player themselves) to the point of killing off all the other girls and "trapping" you in a room with her where she talks endlessly about lots of things. But she's actually a lonely girl who's driven insane by the fact that nothing around her is real. She latches on to you because you're the only other person who's real and sapient and has got a mind of their own. You're literally her outlet to the outside world.

She's personally my favorite character in the game due to her actually being a more fleshed out, sympathetic(and not in the idealized "moemoe" way), and realistic take on the Yandere archetype(which, like many moe archetypes, is kinda misogynistic in nature in that it reinforces submissiveness; it's basically animes version of "woman scorned".). So it makes sense that people would sympathize with her and want her to become real, because all she's ever wanted was to be real and to talk to real people. Especially since she really did care about her friends and even returned them back to life because she saved their backup files, taking herself out of the picture.

I read a few "Monika becomes real and lives with you" fanfictions where she's really sweet and not at all crazy and cares for you a lot, and it's never felt the same as all those other "Yandere/psycho lives with you and is your girl/boyfriend" type stories precisely because those stories tend to just glorify possessive partners that kill your loved ones, drive your family members to commit suicide, and tear up your stuffed animals and dollies for the sake of it, rather than go into why they're so crazy for you, and often reinforce Stockholm Syndrome.

Plus, those "things" she talks about in the empty room? They're actually quite smart and make you think about the world for a bit. Not many "crazy" type characters actually get that. They're all about how "I'll slice your boyfriend open with an axe if you don't date me wa ha ha", and even if they're not, it's all the fandom will focus on, to the point of ignoring any and all other aspects to their character. Because that "crazy in love" aspect is the most appealing part of them. Maybe it's due to forbidden fruit/bad boy(or girl) appeal? Who knows? But I'm starting to wonder if it's still as bad if people recognize the problematic aspects of "crazy in love" characters or "dysfunctional" relationships.

Because if they recognize it's not real and don't really want it for themselves, then it's probably not much of a problem. But if they just go on wanting it to be real and never take a step back and go "wait a minute, this isn't real love; they're only together because he latches onto the first girl to show him any kindness and affection and she's a doormat who doesn't want something bad to happen if she leaves him", then that's bad.

Obviously it's not as bad as being in love with literal stalkers, killers, and rapists in real life(which is an actual thing, believe it or not, it's called hybristophilia), because fictional characters will never be real. Karma Akabane will never be real. Yuno Gasai will never be real. JD will never be real. But loving fictional characters who do those things and not realizing the problem with it may cause people to seek out real criminals, so it's best to separate fiction from reality.

I can’t help judging a little internally, but yeah, I think people can ship whatever as long as it has that “not in real life” scenario going for it. It’s ultimately fiction, so just because I don’t like it and/or think that it’s bad doesn’t mean other people can’t ship it.

Anonymous said:

I'm getting tired of all the racists on TV Tropes getting upset whenever a trope has a Japanese name. Whether it's Tsundere, Yandere, Meganekko, Genki Girl, Bokukko, or any Japanese anime name, people will complain that the trope exists beyond anime so it shouldn't have a "cute anime name", and that it should instead just be given a broader(read: English) name with the same meaning. Or that the site is too obsessed with anime. I'm just sick of people saying that anime names are bad.

The other thing is that we don’t actually have English words for certain things? I mean, the whole reason we say, “tsundere,” is because it says everything in one word. It’s easy.

(Also, people are aware the the English language isn’t some unique thing that takes no inspiration from other languages, right? It’s a mix of things, so accept that other languages exist because we literally wouldn’t have English without them.)

Anonymous said:

Have you seen the TV Tropes reviews for "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic"? Holy crap, they are all a perfect example of the "Real Women Don't Wear Dresses" phenomenon that I have mentioned earlier and is so fucking present on this site. While some reviews praise the show for showing that "it's okay to be strong AND girly"(such as Hadles' review, which was really splendid), and that girl shows are no less good, others either insult the show by calling it "girly, saccharine, and stupid" as if "girly" is synonymous with anything bad about a show, or feel the need to distance it from its girliness in order to praise it as if a show can't be good if it's also girly.

Some people were saying things like "the show might seem girly at first, but it's actually a good, brilliant show with intricate plot twists, well-developed characters, and even some scary moments" and "the characters aren't just shallow girly-girls, they have depth!" So what, girliness is mutually exclusive to anything of value? One person even said that the Girl-Show Ghetto was the reason they couldn't get into the show or respect it. Just...wow.

And one review even said "Rarity's pretty tough for a girly girl!" Excuse me? Tough FOR a girly girl? So being a girly girl somehow automatically disqualifies you from being tough? Like "yeah, she's tough despite being a girly girl! Because girly girls aren't supposed to be tough."

It reminds me of the phrase "you're pretty for a black girl", which, while it's never been said to ME, I have heard other people complain about. It's sick and it hurts, just like this. And the few people who didn't say things like that still said that they couldn't get into the show at first because it looked "girly and vapid", before changing their minds and thinking that the show either proved their biases about girly shows wrong, no longer think it's girly since girly shows "can't" be good, or like it "despite" it's girliness.

And there were 70 reviews in all. 70 reviews full of this misogynistic "girly is bad" shit. So in conclusion nearly all the reviews on TV Tropes for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic were along the lines of one of three things. 1) "This show is girly so I looked past it because girly shows are dumb." 2) "This show is good despite being girly/the characters are good despite being girly." and 3) "This show is not girly to me at all because it is well-written and captivating and girly shows aren't capable of such things."

Granted, some people there were able and willing to call out those who judged the show badly for being girly(or gave it the "not like other girls" treatment, but in show form), as well as people warning other potential viewers to get rid of any potential bias they may have against it due to it being girly. But there were still more people insulting its girliness as a reason they think it sucks or denying its girliness to justify their liking of it than the other way around.

I would've accepted it in the form of "If you think this show is bad because of its inherent girliness, then you are wrong!" or "This show is proof that a show being girly or aimed at girls doesn't and shouldn't take away from its value, as people seem to believe." or "A girl can be girly and be a strong female character.", but no, instead I got shit like this. It's especially insulting when TV Tropes is a site that devotes itself in part to critiquing sexist tropes found in media, only to turn right around and reinforce them.

I don’t read TV Tropes that frequently, so I fortunately missed out on all of these complete idiots who associate girly products with being bad.

(that “pretty for a black girl” comment makes me hate all aspects of “expectations of beauty” and it’s like--plz let these die)

I could maybe see an argument for criticizing a girls show for being “saccharine” if it were like, “girls’ shows written by men who clearly don’t know how to write girls are usually bad,” because then it’s not a criticism of girls’ shows exactly but rather who keeps being put in charge of writing them.

Anonymous said:

I get so annoyed when people get upset when confronted with the matter of female representation with "what's so wrong with one show having a male protagonist or mostly men and one/a few women? Why do we have to include women in everything?" These people clearly do not understand that one show doing it is one thing, but when multiple shows do it, it's an obvious problem. It's even worse when they turn around and diss shows with largely female casts for "not having enough men".

And as for people getting upset that "every show has to include women/come with a checkbox nowadays", as if it's bad to include women in your story...look around. Women make up 50% of the population. They're literally everywhere. What reason do you have to not include a substantial amount of women?

These people act like male is the default and women are a last resort. They see no problem with men dominating a cast because it's justified(despite that not reflecting real life), and yet having female characters, or, hell, a female-dominated cast(I know they also don't reflect real life, but there are still female-dominated spaces; most colleges are 2/3 female) is "unrealistic" trying to fulfill a quota, or a straw feminist agenda, as if characters can't be female for their own sake. You shouldn't have to be forced include women because their presence should be a given.

How many stories nowadays take place in the war front in Viking times or whatever? A lot of men just don't want to include female characters or see them represented(well) in media because those who are overrepresented tend to want to stay that way. They likely also have insecurities about their masculinity and are worried about female characters flooding their shows with estrogen and ruining the shows they love, because they can't relate to female characters or enjoy shows about them without negating their girliness(ie. This show seems girly, but it's actually good), since they're ashamed to associate themselves with anything feminine due to looking down on women or seeing them as bad.

Plus they want to be the center of everything so the second a show is about mostly women they get upset and claim it's "sexist against men" because it's not about them. Hence why bronies(bless their souls) are made fun of for the grave sin of enjoying a female-centric show with a female protagonist and largely female characters. Granted, there are some freaky fans, but there's still some sexism at play here.

This reminds me of a post I saw about a boy who actually looked up to female characters because you can pick a role model who doesn’t fit your gender. Crazy concept, I know. ;P

And yeah, that’s how it goes with equality. People who are best/most represented don’t want equality because they think it means less for them and they don’t want that, like a child who doesn’t want to share their cookies with everyone else.

Anonymous said:

I love TV Tropes, but if there's one problem I have with it, it's how often it associates femininity with weakness. The "Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy" trope is a good example of this, but the worst offender in my opinion is the Girly Girl With a Tomboy Streak, as most of the examples there are simply of girls who are strong-willed or fierce or can fight. Because you know, those traits are male. It's bad because there are ALREADY tropes for girly girls who can fight, Girly Bruiser and Lady of War (which TV Tropes even goes out of its way to SAY shouldn't be counted as a "Tomboy Streak" and yet does stuff like this), but it's also bad because ANY girly girl with these qualities, no matter how feminine they are otherwise, will be seen by TV Tropes as having to be at least somewhat tomboyish(read: masculine) in order to have those traits. Because regular girly girls are just weak and fragile and only want to be housewives.

It's even worse when you realize that much of these characters are created with the exact purpose of subverting the stereotype that girliness equals weak, and instead present a new and more empowering form of femininity: that femininity is strong and DOES NOT equal being a passive sex tool for men's pleasure. They're MEANT to show that being a tomboy is not the only way to be strong, and TV Tropes acknowledges that! But then they also go and claim these characters have "Tomboy Streaks" thus undermining the positive message by insinuating that you have to be tomboyish to be strong and that even girly girls have to have some level of masculinity to be deemed respectable and equal human beings, plus manipulating many impressionable folks into thinking strength and bravery is automatically tomboyish.

Worse yet, they often put a character here because "she's a big eater" or "she burps/farts a lot". Gee, I didn't know women had bodily functions? I didn't know women had digestive systems? So basically any time a girl shows that she is a human being and not a pretty, passive doll to be idealized, she is acting like a man. Because only men are fully-fledged human beings. Even outside of that, look at basically any masculinity-femininity contrast trope(Tomboy and Girly Girl, Sensitive Guy and Manly Man, Masculine Girl Feminine Boy, etc.). The "masculine" character will often be described as dominant, assertive, or outspoken, and the "feminine" character will often be called weak-willed, passive, emotional, and timid. It's fucking sickening.

The Tomboy With A Girly Streak trope is similar to its inverse in that a tomboyish girl will often be placed under this trope with their proclaimed "girly" streak being that she's tender or cries a lot or is soft spoken/a doormat. Because being girly is about not taking up too much space, not having any ambition or aspiration, and overall being a weak and shallow waste of space. For a site that claims to dismantle such sexist misconceptions, it sure does reinforce them just as much.

I almost want to stop using TV Tropes based on that and many other reasons, but it's a genuinely informative site that at least tries to avoid these stereotypes(plus it's edited by more than one person), it just doesn't do enough. For example, they made an awkward claim once that women can't fight while on their periods, and even have an Improbably Female Cast trope, as if it's abnormal that a cast could consist of mostly women and demands an explanation. To them, femininity=inferior.

And then in comes the “anti-girl tomboy” characters who basically do everything “girls don’t do;” glares at things like make-up and such, rolls eyes at the subject of “girl talk” or “romance,” drinks anything carbonated and spreads their legs wide open, etcetera.

Guys really don’t get the same version, at least not that I’m aware of? Like, at best, they don’t participate in “guy things” but that’s about it.

Having characters acknowledge it just makes everything more blatant, like if a woman comes by and the guys have to assure “DON’T WORRY, SHE’S LIKE ONE OF THE GUYS.”

It’s like a woman can only hang out and engage in “guy talk/time” (the concept of which I hate but that’s besides the point) if they can crush a beer can against their forehead.

Anonymous said:

OMG TV Tropes called Cirno the Ice Fairy from Touhou a "tomboy"? Why? Because she's boisterous and outspoken and not a "shy girly-girl" like Daiyousei! TV Tropes clearly believes that any girl or woman who is more than just a pretty face(which ALL women are, by the way), who takes up space, who has a dynamic personality and isn't just a weeping wallflower(which I'm not saying Daiyousei is) is a tomboy. Because she's acting like a man that way. Ugh, so over TV Tropes and their sexism.

And all the girls in Touhou(including Cirno) wear big frilly dresses anyway so it doesn't really make sense to see ANY of them as tomboys. But no, apparently any girl who is rowdy or tough or is active and not passive is a tomboy. You gotta be a tomboy to have attitude. You can tell they think so because they often say things like "strong, but still feminine" as if those things are opposites. They even described femininity as "weak and susceptible, vain and superficial". Like, ugh, kill me now.

I legitimately want to see a bullet point list here of what qualifies as a “tomboy.” Like, what, anyone who does one thing that isn’t “girly”?

Can we just throw out all of these terms; not even replace them, just throw them out?

(the below ask is incomplete - the first part is missing - but the asker clarified after I asked them, so clarification is below:)

Anonymous said:

Tropes is because I'm working on a story and I hope when it becomes famous that TV Tropes will write about it, but as it stands, I'm beginning to wonder that TV Tropes undermines most stories or plots to do with women one way or another. I mean, they constantly create tropes with the intent of calling out inherent biases, yet reinforce those biases themselves.

For example, they have a trope called Men Are Generic, Women Are Special, which points out the bias of male being the default, and yet on almost every other page on the wiki describing a trope, the default character will be a "he"(especially if it's a character trope), and whenever they mention "The Hero" or "The Big Bad" it's always a he unless it needs to be female(like if the heroine is in a romance story, or if the villain is a seductress). Female characters at best, can hope to be "The Heart" or "The Chick" of the group(which is often used in a demeaning way).

They even have a trope called "Improbably Female Cast" in which they point out all the instances of a story's setting having an "over-abundance" of women or girls with no men in sight, and claim that such stories have majority female characters when it is "unusual" "unlikely" or "lacks justification". Someone even suggested that the trope should be called "Where Are All The Men?" as if there's something inherently weird or wrong when a story is dominated by female characters, and like the story is in dire need of men, as if only men can be protagonists.

Even if the story has a justifiable reason for having mostly women, the fact that the writer made that choice at all is somehow deserving of mention. The mere fact that there's no "Improbably Male Cast" trope shows where the site's biases lay. They don't see anything wrong with a show being dominated by men with little to no female representation(ex. Death Note), and yet a show dominated by women(ex. MLPFIM) is somehow an anomaly and demands an explanation(even if the story does provide a reason for it, TV Tropes will still list it and presume it "improbable", as if to say "I mean, yeah, but there's no reason why you couldn't just make them mEn instead", as if writers who have mostly female characters are going out of their way to steer away from the "default" males.

In fact, they even admit that "Men Are Generic, Women Are Special" is their reason for having such a trope, but not the inverse. They even say that it's not the trope if the show revolves around a group of girlfriends with no indication of the gender ratio in the wider setting. So any time the females outnumber the males a story it's instantly labeled "improbable" because there's NO WAY any setting AT ALL could have more females than males. That's improbable! You see, this is why when women are 1/3 of the people in a given space men perceive it as "majority female" because they're uncomfortable with women having more of a presence than men.

We'll never have true equality if shows with majority female casts continue to be scrutinized under a microscope and assumed to be of inferior, lesser quality, just because there's no male characters around and it's women who are driving the plot. My problem isn't that they have a trope for majority female casts, it COULD be a testament to gender equality(ie., "there used to not be a lot of shows revolving around women, but now they're becoming increasingly common and well-known), but it's that they single out such stories as "unlikely" and thus discredit them.

And worse yet, they refuse to change the name, because they don't see a problem with it. So now every single show that doesn't have an equal number of males and females or more males than females is going to be called "improbable" by TV Tropes, because there's something(bad) to be said about shows that choose to make most of their characters women. Death Note and Naruto can slide by the radar of having loads of men, but Madoka Magica and Touhou are "improbable"? Because they have loads of women?

the clarification:

Anonymous said:

I started out complaining about how TV Tropes says that boys will watch Star Vs. The Forces of Evil only because of Marco(who's great, but it comes off like boys can only relate to boy characters) and that the show only looks girly but has a deep complex plot with scary moments(as if a show can't be dark and complex and still be girly; girly=shallow, watered down fluff), hence my complaint about TV Tropes undermining girly shows or anything "girly".

Yup, exactly like I said.

Good stuff in “girly” things is the exception. Good stuff in “manly” things is expected.

Which is funny when you consider stuff like “edgy” reboots of things. Like, Disney remakes their original movies and that usually means making them worse (like in Beauty and the Beast - god I hate that remake - where the objects are going to become complete objects when the last petal falls even though the enchantress is explicitly a good person and it comes off as super cruel and unnecessary), but that seems to just be its own breed of bad I guess.

Then there are terms like “chick flicks” and “soap operas” which are usually women-oriented and tend to be considered dumb/over-dramatic.

You know, not like MEN shows with their sexualization of women, guns and MEN things.

Anonymous said:

Remember what I said about TV Tropes being sexist? Well, they also have a trope called "Girly Run". Like, that's literally the name. Girly. Run. Thankfully the first example(which is under advertising due to the forms of media being in alphabetical order) is an aversion from the blessed Like A Girl campaign, but...just reading the page lets the casual-yet-bold-faced sexism speak for itself.

why can’t things just be like the Sims where characters can wear whatever the hell they want and have any personality without any judgment or criticism from other Sims?

(more Madoka Magica talk - and ONLY Madoka Magica talk - below because I’ve unleashed a monster apparently:)

Anonymous said:

I know you don't like Frozen but I saw a theory somewhere that Elsa's powers came from making a contract with Kyubey and her wish was to impress her sister and anyway I can't stop rolling my eyes. This isn't(just) because of my distaste for Madoka Magica compared to my love for Frozen, but if Elsa's a Puella Magi then why didn't she become a witch long ago? How did she make it to adulthood? How did she become emotionally stable? And why do her powers have to come from a negative source?

I think it might just be people looking for excuses to do their crossover fanfiction which--yeah, I’m not crazy about that.

Anonymous said:

Did you know that Cristina Vee voiced Homura Akemi in the English Dub? It's very noticeable, especially during the Cake Song, where I could've sworn she sounds exactly like Marinette. By the way, I'm still not sure what the hell was going on in that song. Could you please explain it to me(if you know)?

Nooooo don’t make me think of Homura when I think of Marinette!! fjkdgjnfdg

lol but seriously, I think the Cake Song is just meant to be one of those “weird but meant to be dEeP” things that shows do sometimes to be cool (not a criticism technically; depends on how it’s used).

I think the cake is the labyrinth and Homura saying that she’s the pumpkin makes her the odd one out since pumpkins are associated with scares and halloween, so it’s “foreshadowing” her being the witch. The things that they say they are... they’re like--ingredients for a meal, but not a cake, so the the cake is the labyrinth and they’re the things that would go inside it.

Homura and Madoka are the only ones who really get descriptions to go with them. Homura says that she’s “full of seeds” (despair?) and Madoka implies that it’ll bring sweet dreams once she’s sliced (which is either referring to the godly freedom given to magical girls before they turn into witches, or foreshadowing Madoka being “split” after Homura stops Madoka from purifying her, leading to Homura’s “sweet dream” of what it’s like when everything is “normal” after her reality twisting).

Anonymous said:

May I ask what you don't like about Kyoko's character? Is it because she was the stereotypical "jerk with a heart of gold"? Or because the writer made her flip from hating Sayaka and wanting her dead to suddenly dying for Sayaka even though she barely knows her compared to Madoka(because the writer doesn't understand how girls' relationships work)? For me it was a mixture of both(though I still don't mind KyoSaya!), but I still liked her enough, she just felt a tad stereotypical. Your thoughts?

It’s both. I just don’t like characters like her at all and the runtime of Madoka Magica can’t maintain all of these characters, “developing” them, and then killing them off. I don’t even have any time to get attached to them because they’re dead within a matter of a few episodes.

And it’s always like, “okay here’s this character’s backstory to make you feel emotionally attached--HA NOW THEY’RE DEAD. SEE??? WE TOTALLY GOT YOU.”

Like, no, you didn’t. I didn’t even have time to care about THEM, much less their actual death.

Anonymous said:

What about the girls in Madoka Magica? Do you think they're strong female characters? Now, obviously the show is not feminist, since it misses the whole point of Magical Girl, which is to empower girls and show them that girls can be powerful and feminine and can find strength in solidarity with each other by instead making them suffer and fight each other and have their power come from their emotions, which are exploited and turned against them because women can't be powerful, but still...

It’s the same way I feel about Marinette; there are some who I want to say are strong characters, but the writing is ready to just kill them off at any time and bully them for essentially having emotions.

Basically, imagine a male writer hands you a character sheet and is like, “AW YEAH CHECK OUT THIS sTrOng FEMALE CHARACTER I WROTE.”

Like, even if they were right, their ego and obnoxiousness about the whole thing, along with what they actually do to said character, makes you not want to give them any credit for it.

Anonymous said:

How do you think Puella Magi Madoka Magica would be different if they had magical boys as well(which can mean either gender-bending canon magical girls or introducing original magical boys)? Do you think the show would be better? Worse? Or would it be just about the same?

Personally I feel like having magical boys would be good and bad; good because there would be no more of the “teenage girls are hysterical” crap and it wouldn’t just be girls suffering because they can’t handle power, and bad because it would still be problematic(for stereotyping all teens as over emotional and deserving to be taken advantage of by the Incubators, and it would still be about kids suffering in a genre meant to empower girls, having some of them be boys wouldn’t help that much).

I also feel like Gen Urobuchi would still make the girls suffer more and have them be more emotionally and mentally unstable. Holy crap it feels like he read up on Aristotle’s views on women while making this show.

It would at least be more balanced I guess? Like, teenage years are a fragile time, so it would make sense for both girls and boys to be taken advantage of. I still wouldn’t like it but it would be nice to point out, “there are emotional boys as well as emotional girls.”

Anonymous said:

Literally all the problems with Treatment of Marinette, Chat's Entitlement(TM), and the sheer sexism in general(ex. all the teenage girls and even women villains being catty and bitchy, while the male villains are cool, suave, and calculating; female villains being irredeemable scum while male villains are "not as bad as they seem", etc.) could all be solved if the show just got some more female writers! You know a show isn't feminist like people claim if none of the writers are women.

That's what I love about Friendship is Magic; the show is written and directed by a woman and actually has a variety of both male and female writers! Plus, Lauren Faust explicitly identifies as a feminist and claims her works are meant to empower women and show them that there's no wrong way to be a girl. And the show reflects that! There's no "token girl" who checks all the boxes; the females have realistic flaws, diverse personalities, and let's not forget ARE THE HEROES!!! Not to mention that the cast is actually PREDOMINANTLY FEMALE. Do people have any idea how refreshing that is?!

And that's why whenever people claim that shows like Madoka Magica are feminist when it's written by men for men while also dismissing actually feminist shows written by women for women as "sexist" or "demeaning", I cringe inside. It's not just what the show looks like, it's what the people behind it say.

And Gen Urobuchi is not a feminist. At all. Just listen to the things he says about the girls, that they're terrorists who are full of hubris and destined to be alone, and that actual magical girl shows weren't his inspiration beyond the show's cosmetics, he just based it off of porn games. He only watched those shows after making Madoka Magica and admitted they were weird to him. Well, maybe they wouldn't be weird if you actually used them as inspiration! Why are you even making magical girl? So basically he admitted that all the suffering the girls go through is because it's his fetish.

I knew I wasn't imagining things when I saw all those weird shots and angles(ex. zooming in on Sayaka's thighs and breasts when she collapses to the floor, Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her legs when agitated, zooming in on Kyoko's ass when she takes her phone out of her shorts' back pocket, it's all for cheap titillation). And yet people keep saying the show is devoid of male gaze and sexism and why? Because apparently men know how to represent women better than women themselves.

you said “Madoka gripping the bed sheets between her thighs” and it gave me an immediate flashback, I hate it

I find that it’s a similar thing with gay anime/manga; I’m more likely to trust a F/F story if it’s written by a woman since they’re less likely to sexualize everything.

Anonymous said:

Homura in Puella Magi Madoka Magica: But Madoka, what's going to happen to you? You'll end up all alone here forever! You'll never be able to see your friends and family! Homura in Rebellion: Haha, screw Madoka's friends and family! Only I am worthy of Madoka's love! That girl belongs to me! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!(I'm sorry for the over exaggeration, but this is how it felt for me.)

Apparently, it was better for Madoka to just have all of her memories and powers yoinked away.

Sayaka is Madoka’s right hand girl so idk why Homura has this idea that she needs to sAvE Madoka. The fact that this whole thing comes out of a misunderstanding (because Madoka doesn’t have her memories) is so irritating.

Anonymous said:

I actually love Madoka Magica, but I completely agree with you on the hysterical women thing. Why couldn’t they just have... both magical girls and magical boys? Like, just mention that magical boys are a thing? They don’t even have to change anything but that, they don’t even really have to show it, just be like “yeah there’s magical boys too but that’s not really what this story is about, it’s about our characters we have here”. I don’t know, feels like that would have at least helped stuff.

Yeah, they don’t have to bother having the magical boys around. Just to know they exist would be enough. I mean, the fact that the focus is on them would still be bothersome (they’d probably do a thing where each girl represents a different emotion that is easily manipulated/easy to control), but it’d be something.

Anonymous said:

One thing that weirds me out when people are talking about Madoka Magica is when people refer to the characters as "little girls". Like, excuse me? They are not "little girls". They are teenagers! All of them are at least 14 years old! I hate when people call them "little", it's just so condescending and infantilizing, especially when the show does enough of that to them already. After all, no one makes that mistake with the heroines of Lucky Star and Hidamari Sketch(who are also drawn by Aoki)!

I feel like it’s the equivalent of when people call women “girls,” y’know? Sort of a “treating females as younger than they really are,” which is probably what gives guys the feeling that they have control.

For a gender that claims to be so dominant, certain ones sure have to delude themselves a lot to make themselves feel better.

Anonymous said:

I was thinking about what you said about Puella Magi Madoka Magica passing the Bechdel Test, and if it counts if there's barely any men to talk about. And while I do agree that it counts, I also feel that it doesn't really matter much in shows such as Madoka. This isn't even about feminism, this is about the fact that if a show has next to no men in it at all then it's pretty much a given that they won't talk about them since it would be impractical to talk about something that doesn't exist.

So because of that, I think there should either be an alternative test which only applies to shows that have a significant or equal number of male characters and yet the ladies still pass the test(making it feel more "real" since the option to talk about men is there), or the test should be rewritten entirely so that it only applies to shows in which the cast is either equally gender-split, or has a majority male cast/significant amount of males even if the females still outnumber them.

Reminds me of how, on TV Tropes, someone suggested that there should be a "Weak" and "Strong" Bechdel Test, where "Weak" refers to the women talking about something other than men because it is literally what's relevant at the moment(such as two female police officers discussing how to catch a female killer), thus applying the Bechdel Test there seems semi-void, while "Strong" is when they could talk about men but choose not to(ie. two female students talking about their grades during lunch).

And just to clarify about the "Strong" one, when I say they could talk about men but choose not to, this isn't to imply that female characters should talk about men, or that something's wrong with them for not talking about men, just that there's nothing stopping them from doing so, but they choose to talk about something unrelated to men. I think this strategy is much better than the test we have because it makes conversations between female characters seem more real since they're discussing things other than men of their own volition, rather than the non-male-centered talk being because they have to talk about it in-universe. I say that because The Bechdel Test serves to show that women's lives don't and shouldn't revolve around men, and they can talk about other things if they want to, but if the conversation is because they have to(like the example I gave), that gives sexists the opportunity to go "Yeah, well, they're only talking about it because it's their job!"

But if the female characters talk about things other than men of their own free will(as in, when the option is still there), then it shows that women really do have their own free will to talk about their own things and that there is NO REASON to not pass the Bechdel Test in today's day and age(I keep hearing people claim the test is stupid and doesn't matter, but then it should be easy to pass). "Oh, but if they had the choice, they would talk about men." No, because men don't sit around and talk about the women in their lives all day so why should women talk about the men in their lives all day? And to the people saying these types of tests are getting in the way of their "creativity", well, now that we know that you think female representation is stupid and something you have to be forced to do, we don't have to listen to a word you say. ;)

I like the idea of adjusting the Bechdel Test for other circumstances and expanding it as such!

You could also extend it to things like sexualization, because--I mean, having two female characters who talk to each other probably doesn’t mean much if they’re half-dressed or the writer wanted to make them bisexual for “The Fanservice.”

Anonymous said:

To be honest deconstructions of Magical Girl confuse me. There are some good ones out there(such as Princess Tutu and Revolutionary Girl Utena, so I know they're not all just torture porn, my only gripe with Utena is the implication that girls who take on the feminine "Princess" role are weak), but at its heart Magical Girl has always dealt with death, gore and pain just as much as female empowerment.

It makes me feel like the people who write these stories haven't seen magical girl and think it's all just sunshine and rainbows and that just because it's "girly" it's vapid and has no substance, and since the only way to have substance apparently is to be "dark", they go "screw it with all this princessy magical shit! Let's make our show dark instead!" When in reality if they had just sat down and watched a magical girl anime, they would understand that this is not the case.

Not to mention that many of them tend to have fanservice and the idea that magical girls have to suffer, so instead of empowering young girls, they end up misrepresenting the genre and turning it into fetish fuel torture porn for adult men(Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna are very good examples of this; the writer of Madoka says that the girls are terrorists and full of hubris and that he was inspired by porn games). It's not that you can't deconstruct the genre at all, but it's almost never done tastefully and the magical girl themes are just a cover used to explain the suffering the girls go through. :(

Another thing about magical girl deconstructions is that they often reinforce patriarchal themes, like that girls shouldn't want things for themselves and that genuinely doing something for someone while also having ulterior motives that help yourself are a BAD BAD BAD thing, no matter how ultimately harmless they are, even if they help everybody involved. They also tend to reinforce Tall Poppy Syndrome and portray the powers as harmful or a bad thing, implying that girls shouldn't have power.

Honestly, I think there can totally be even more substance in magical girl anime that doesn’t have to resort to “make it eDgY” (which I feel like is a slippery slope that can easily come off as lazy); for example, I’d really enjoy seeing something deeper to magical girl powers than something like, “oh, this magical girl happens to have the power that fits their personality,” such as a magical girl who has a power she feels she doesn’t fit but it’s a matter of perspective/seeing herself differently, or a magical girl who does have the powers that “fit” her personality - like a “fiery” girl with fire powers - and the weaknesses in her powers correlate to the weaknesses in her personality, so she has to either iron out those issues or find workarounds, as true “perfection” isn’t possible nor practical, which is something all the girls have to accept despite whatever pressure they’re under.

.I dunno, I like lore and powers revolving around metaphors. It’s fun.

Anonymous said:

About what you said in regards to "no pueri magi because it doesn't hit the shock value threshold enough", I remember this interesting comment I saw on an article called "The Problem With The Dark Magical Girl Genre"(which I would totally recommend checking out, by the way!) which said that shojo magical girl and seinen magical girl both embrace a different philosophy regarding strong female fighters. In shojo, they tend to embrace femininity as a strength and show girls that they have the power to do whatever they want and undergo dangerous professions. But in seinen, which conveniently enough is more likely to "deconstruct" the genre(ugh), rather than admiring the girls and supporting them in their endeavors, the girls are meant to be pitied(often to the point of infantilization) when bad things happen to them, with the fact that they are girls serving to make everything worse. It operates under the idea that girls are fragile, in need of protection, and shouldn't be fighting at all.

That's why deconstructions like Madoka Magica and Yuki Yuna don't sit right with me, and also why I don't consider them feminist series. People can say whatever they want about Sailor Moon and Pretty Cure, but ultimately they also had dark and dangerous themes(to the point where some kids had nightmares), but ultimately allowed the girls to rise above the hell they went through and find the strength in them to save the day. We feel bad for them when they die, not because they're moe girls, but because we were actually given the time to form a connection with them and want to see them succeed, rather than just be expected to pity them because they're cute manipulated girls. That way, when they ultimately save the day, it's all the more satisfying. Princess Tutu was a deconstruction that actually went about it in the right way, because the girls eventually found the courage to defeat their enemies in a way that made sense. Why the hell is it a "good" thing to subvert that?

No clue, but I basically agree with everything there. I mean, Madoka Magica’s entire stick is basically that all the girls are like “uwu” in terms of the style (with Madoka being the “cutest” of them all) and then being put in this dark and edgy plot+setting; it’s for both the shock value and the “contrast” of having “moe” characters be thrust into these situations to essentially die.

And the conclusion doesn’t end up being satisfying (at least to me) because the villain doesn’t have emotions so he’s just like “owo” (seriously, I wouldn’t hate on Rebellion so much if Kyubey had been given emotions rather than going crazy; Homura can basically do whatever she wants and it was SUCH A MISSED OPPORTUNITY) so it ends up being more about the journey getting there like wow look at all the sUbvErSiOnS and dEaTh we had along the way!

Because at the end of the day, it’s still like, “the girls give into their ‘hysterical emotions’ in the end basically no matter what,” even if they get saved by Madoka in the end.

Anonymous said:

Do you remember, in Madoka Magica, when Kyubey said that humans would still be living in caves if not for the Incubators? First of all, keep in mind what Incubators do. Their entire purpose on this earth is to feed off the emotions of young teenage girls as they spiral into despair as a result of their delusions of power. Like wow, let that sink in. Apparently humanity's advancement relies on the exploitation of women. We are literally the punching bags of the universe. Isn't it lovely?

No! You see--we’re so important to the world! If we weren’t emotionally exploited, the world wouldn’t be the way it is now! :D

(kill me)

Anonymous said:

I once saw a tag on tumblr that read "The only good magical girl anime is Madoka Magica because it's gay, and even it has problems." Like, ugh. Really? Has this person not watched ANY other magical girl anime? Such ignorance. So many things wrong with that statement that I can't--and WON'T--even begin to unravel here.

MADOKA MAGICA IS NOT GAY AND I’M SO TIRED OF PEOPLE CLAIMING IT IS

s T O P

I DON’T EVEN CONSIDER YURI ON ICE TO BE GAY. MADOKA MAGICA? NAH MAN.

Anonymous said:

Do the girls in Madoka Magica even have transformation phrases? You know, like how Marinette says "Tikki, spots on!" or how Sailor Moon says "Moon Prism Power! Make-up!" or how Iris in LoliRock says "Iris! Princess of Ephedia!" etc. But in Madoka Magica, there doesn't seem to be any of that. At least in Yuki Yuna they pressed a button on their phones. But how do the Puellae Magi even transform? Just goes to show you how Gen Urobuchi knows next to nothing about the genre he claims to deconstruct.

Transformation phrases are magical and cool and you can’t take that away from me.

Anonymous said:

I had a shower thought about Madoka randomly in bed last night: If a Magical Girl's Soul Gem loses control over its user when 100 metres or further away from it, that meant that when Homura got Sayaka's Soul Gem back for her, Sayaka should've regained consciousness once Homura was less than 100 metres away, even if she didn't have her Soul Gem yet. I also love to ponder why on Earth Homura would even bother retrieving Sayaka's Soul Gem if she only cares about Madoka and Madoka's well-being.

I think it’s just a complicated process of Homura trying to make sure Madoka doesn’t fall into despair herself (in a non-witch way) and is convinced to make a wish.

Anonymous said:

The more I think about it, the more I realize that Sayaka really got the worst deal out of the whole thing. While her story may seem more "mundane" compared to the others(she just wanted the token Ill Boy osananajimi to like her back), she's the only one who somehow isn't brought back when Madoka recreates the universe, loses her Soul Gem on more than one account(and on the second, she starts decomposing and her crush sees her and calls her a monster because he thinks she's pretending to be the REAL Sayaka), is supposedly the weakest Magical Girl, getting swiftly taken out by both Kyoko AND Homura(the latter of which doesn't even make sense, if her body can heal why was she taken out so quickly?), takes a long while to show up in Magia Record, and Gen somehow finds it suiting to single her out as the one who is "destined to die" every time she makes a contract. Apparently the series director wanted Sayaka to live/be brought back, but Gen refused because it just had to be edgy.

Of course, MEN are allowed to have wish fulfillment power fantasies and dream like the sky's no limit and aspire to be all they want to be, but the second WOMEN try to be the strong ones, the powerful ones, or dream of something for themselves and others, they have to learn a lesson about how unrealistic their fantasies are and how they'll never live out their dreams. Hence why Sayaka puts the blame all on herself, saying that she's not a hero and was stupid and selfish the whole time.

"token Ill Boy osananajimi“ dfhbgjhfdgdfg

It was a real shame because I liked Sayaka somewhat (not saying much but still) and she was such a predictable one to go. Like, “oh wow, an angst-y anime all about shock value? so basically the best friend is dead then with no chance of survival.”

I think I do remember being told/reading somewhere (so don’t quote me) that Sayaka is the one that’s hardest to keep alive in the games, so you have to work hard for it. It just sucks.

Anonymous said:

Yet another thing that bothers me about Puella Magi is how the show frames the young ladies as if everything is their fault even though they have no idea what they're getting into because the person who makes the deal doesn't even bother explaining shit to them and all the show's attempts at deconstructing is just taking lighthearted elements meant to empower girls and show them that they can be brave and strong as well as feminine and make them dark and morbid.

Like, I get the whole "having young girls fight is a little unrealistic" aspect, but most magical girl shows actually do touch on that! Only difference is that over time, they become stronger and better at fighting(which is only to be expected, whether you're a teenage girl or not) and become more competent along the way because the whole genre is about FEMALE EMPOWERMENT.

Not to mention how the show seems to forget that the Incubators are villains and even seems to put them in the right and the girls in the wrong, what with the claim that they rationalize with the girls they make contracts with like sentient human beings(yeah, because emotionally manipulating young girls and literally taking their souls out of their bodies and making them liches without their consent is definitely treating them like sentient human beings), and that they always follow up on their end of the deal whereas it's the girls' faults their wishes go sour because they never wish for what they truly want(I'm sorry, but I simply DO NOT buy that. Homura and Mami outright wished for what they wanted. Their wishes went sour because the plot "decided" that they should have wished in a different way; plus, you're telling me that if Sayaka had outright said she wished "for Kyousuke to love her back" that the show wouldn't just "make" him mind-controlled or have Sayaka "outgrow" her feelings by the time he falls in love with her, all the while making it out to be "her" fault he's so heartbroken because she was some kind of tease or whatever, further demonizing girls' sexualities?).

Plus they explicitly claim that every woman in history was a magical girl and that without them, humanity would still be in caves(as in, humanity wouldn't be able to progress without the oppression and exploitation of women, and women can't gain power without going insane because female power is some unhealthy, inhuman, infernal thing.). Even if we take this all as a reflection of patriarchal society(which I highly doubt it was, if anything, it reinforces it), all it does is imply that the oppression of women is the natural order of things, required even.

As for the girls themselves, they routinely beat themselves up and the show makes no effort to tell them they're wrong(up until the massive cop-out of an ending), like how Sayaka's last words before becoming a witch are literally her "admitting" that she was "stupid, so stupid" for wanting a boy to love her and be healed of his infirmity. It just seems like we're supposed to think "you know, maybe the Incubators aren't that bad!" while ignoring that the girls are being treated like the disposable trash bags of the universe. This show already does the magical girl genre dirty but treating it like everything the Incubators did was necessary and like it's all the girls' faults these things happened to them in the first place is the icing on the stale, sour cake. Nothing like a giant heap of sexism to help get you through your day. :/

I’ve noticed this a lot in Miraculous, but Madoka Magica somehow does it worse; this “one (supposed) mistake leads to all of these consequences you never saw coming.”

Like Ladybug calling Lila out. We know that Lila’s pettiness in “Chameleon” shows that it wouldn’t matter whether Ladybug yelled at her or not; the simple fact that Marinette opposes a liar led to Marinette getting expelled, even if only for a while. Then there’s “Miracle Queen” and all that garbage that came with it.

These two shows put their teenage girls through hell for having emotions and there’s no way to undo it.

Anonymous said:

Honestly, the Madoka Magica fandom is basically the magical girl equivalent of "not like other girls" type women. I can't say I'd be surprised if they didn't watch a single magical girl show other than Madoka because they're all "stupid and girly but this one is edgy and dark" just because those shows are written by women to inspire other girls and show femininity as a strength while Madoka Magica is written by men for men who want to see young girls suffer without any actual feminism.

Like, let's go through their arguments one-by-one to prove that they don't hold up. They love to say that Madoka Magica is better than other Magical Girl shows because "it's dark and edgy and shows the downsides to being a Magical Girl unlike other shows where it's all sunshine and lollipops". First of all, other Magical girl shows also got very dark. Princess Tutu and Utena are also "darker" takes on the genre, but even more lighthearted shows like Sailor Moon and Precure had scary moments.

The only difference is, with them, they still managed to critique problematic aspects of the genre and actually provided ways to improve it, while STILL managing to keep their target audience(FEMALES) in mind, without condescending to them and infantilizing them. And they still showed the girls being empowered and overcoming the darkness.

In Madoka, there's none of that, there's no actual critique of the genre because Gen didn't have the respect for it to do his research, it's aimed at men so it doesn't keep female viewers in mind by definition(which is also another reason why it can't be a deconstruction; deconstructions should be done FOR its target audience), and the girls are constantly put down and treated like Moe crybabies by the narrative even when they're not(cause, you know, teenage girls are "emotional"!). And it doesn't offer ways the genre could improve, it just takes a female-empowering genre and twists it to be this system of oppression that the genre is meant to avoid.

Magical Girls tend to have a very strong focus on girls empowering girls and all that awesome stuff, and yet when Madoka and Mami form a special bond and Madoka encourages Mami by telling her she's not alone? It makes her big-headed and overconfident and she gets devoured by Charlotte. See what happens when girls rely on each other? Madoka is Sayaka's best friend, but gets pushed aside in favor of Kyoko, who later dies for Sayaka because girls who want to help each other had better be prepared to suffer and die for their beliefs. Sayaka loses everything, which happens to include her best friend, over a guy. And the whole witch process means that any female solidarity that could be found in the show is thrown out the window since the core concept of the show is girls being forced to brutalize and kill and exploit each other.

People act like Madoka is Yuri when it's not, Gen was asked if Homura really was in love with Madoka and if Kyoko really was in love with Sayaka, and what did he do? He beat around the bush. Naoko Takeuchi and Kunihiko Ikuhara(the latter of whom also worked on Sailor Moon R; woah, what a surprise) both admitted that there was gay love in their stories, yet people act like Madoka is super progressive regarding homosexuality when it's just implied and those shows were MUCH more open! Doesn't stop people from claiming the show is "honorary yuri" and saying that the meaning of "yuri" should be broadened to include any close bonds between two female characters, whether or not it's actually romantic, AND favoring the show(and HomuMado) above actual yuri shows that are made to appeal to women. If all this were actually valid, Sailor Moon would be yuri as hell.

I hate seeing people fap over this show and act like it's so revolutionary for recycling things that the genre was ALREADY DOING, because I know full well that the ONLY reason it gets this wide acclaim is because Magical Girl shows have traditionally been written for women and this show is aimed at men. That's literally it. Because nothing a woman writes is good enough, especially when it dares to go against patriarchal constructs of femininity as weak and docile by portraying it as cool and awesome. It doesn't matter how cool and dark and diverse and inclusive and complex Sailor Moon and Precure and Princess Tutu and Utena are, they're written by/for women with the intention of empowering them so they're automatically invalid, cheap, happy-go-lucky crap where nothing bad ever happens and anything those shows try to do ought to be discredited because they don't appeal to men like they should so what's the point?

But the second a MAN comes in and intrudes on a female-dominated space by doing all of those things but with a very shallow understanding of how they ought to be executed, people are all over it because a MAN did it and now it's interesting and respectable! I have seen so many people say that they don't like Magical Girl because it's girly and shallow and stupid, but then they praise Madoka for things that the girly and "shallow" shows have already done! Men are always taking away things meant for women and distorting it to fit their patriarchal views and yet when they do it it's somehow better and anyone who complains is simply a whiny straw feminist!

The fandom does it all the time, someone complains about the show and why they don't like it and find it sexist, and the response is always "you're just not smart enough to understand it; you have no idea what you just watched". Because obviously since it's made by a man it's sooo much smarter then the traditional sappy stuff made by women. That's why it's so annoying when others praise it at the expense of other works in the genre: they know their reasons for liking it are, more often than not, rooted in sexism against female-aimed and female-empowering works, so the only way they can praise it is at the expense of said works, hence them being just like girls who claim they're "not like other girls" when there's nothing wrong with girls being feminine and in fact many of those girls may like the same things you do!

So while I'm not saying there's anything inherently WRONG with liking Madoka, I DO have a problem with people who act like it's better or more serious than other shows in the genre and simply discard them on the grounds that they're "for girls", since they obviously didn't watch them.

me when I initially watched Madoka Magica: I don’t get why this exists.

me when I learned it was written by a man: ohhh, now I get it.

I also take issue with people comparing things that are made for different demographics. Like look, I don’t care if you enjoy your angst display over here, but also maybe don’t compare it to the stuff not even made for you unless you’re willing to get into a fight over it?

It comes off wrong, like they have to trash on stuff because it wasn’t made for them, y’know?

Anonymous said:

Honestly, I am so sick of people saying that Magical Girl shows are sexist or anti-feminist, when all they do is portray girls being awesome and powerful while also being feminine at the same time, because "Well in Japan it's actually gender conformity because it's telling girls they can only be strong if they're feminine! You're just projecting your Western values onto an Eastern work!".

First of all these shows are made by women for women and often have explicit feminine messages that you literally cannot miss unless you are simply blind or trying not to see them. And they also tend to have a very strong focus on women supporting or empowering other women. Just think of Sailor Moon, which constantly gets this "criticism", and yet there's an episode where the girls explicitly protest against a villain who claims women are all shallow and useless and can't do anything without men's help. Would Naoko Takeuchi put that in the show if she weren't a feminist?

And then there's the fact that she has said that one message she wanted the female leads to convey was to value their relationships between other girls because girls are strong and don't need to waste time depending on men. There's also the fact that most Magical Girl shows tend to treat the powers as something special and awesome that's unique to women and girls, paired with the coming-of-age themes present in the show, and you get a magical equivalent of female puberty, with magic mixed in.

But no, all of that gets thrown out the window because they dare to be "feminine" while doing all of that stuff and the Japanese are forcing their girls to be girly through Magical Girl propaganda. And I just HATE when people act like anything feminine must be societally forced onto girls, rather than girls just happening to like them. In addition, stating that they are simply reinforcing gender roles by being feminine is such bullshit because the whole purpose isn't about conforming to patriarchal femininity, it's about reclaiming femininity.

Too often, femininity is associated with being weak, powerless, helpless, submissive, docile, vapid, catty, bitchy, petty, vain, stupid, the list goes on. Magical Girl saves femininity from a bad reputation. It shows femininity in a new light, as something strong and powerful and, hell, even admirable! It's about telling girls "Hey, you can be strong and powerful and smart, but you don't have to be a tomboy or act like a man to do so". Girls are always told they have to act masculine to be taken seriously because the only way to be respected is to be like a man, which is an indirect way of saying that only men deserve respect.

Magical Girl does away with all that in favor of showing the feminine as something innately powerful, and yet naysayers MISS the point and say that it's just stereotyping girls instead. To see people claim that Magical Girl forces girls to fit a feminine ideal to be respected is just disappointing. It's supposed to be a female power fantasy for young girls that shows them as the ones being powerful and empowering each other.

Take how in Sailor Moon the heroine often says something along the lines of "I won't let you take advantage of girls", which Wedding Peach went on to imitate. The purpose of the genre is for girls. To empower girls. So why on earth would they show them fitting into a "male" mould of power? Do these people think that any time women are shown acting distinct from men that they are doing something wrong?

And the hypocritical part is that nobody pisses on male-oriented anime for reinforcing a harmful narrative to boys that they have to be masculine to be valued and respected. Of course they don't! Because being "masculine" is never seen as a bad thing to be. It's assumed that masculinity is always strong and good and awesome and there's nothing wrong with boys being forced to be masculine because you're supposed to want to be masculine. You're not supposed to want to be feminine.

So of course people will shit all over Magical Girl for embracing, empowering, and reclaiming femininity, because it's not supposed to be that way! You're not supposed to be feminine and also be strong. You're supposed to deny your identity as a woman and assimilate into the boys' club because only boy things are worthwhile! And they cover it up by saying that Magical Girl forces girls to be feminine, when in actuality the WORLD forces girls to be MASCULINE. Magical Girl doesn't force girls to be feminine, It ALLOWS them to. Do you see the difference there?

Another thing I'd like to bring to the table is that the claim is racist and here's why: The claim that "Magical Girl shows are seen as feminist in the US for portraying femininity as a source of strength but not in Japan because it's telling girls they have to be feminine"...what does that mean? Japanese people can't be feminist? All Japanese people are sexists and think girls have to fit in a certain role? Do Japanese feminists HAVE to be anti-femininity? Are there literally no Japanese people who think you can be feminine AND strong(who also obviously identify as feminists?) Because it seems hella sexist to insinuate that Magical Girl shows are sexist because they're made in Japan and they don't believe you can be feminine AND strong there.

While there is some credibility to it since Japan IS, by and large, much more strict with gender roles, hasn't it ever occurred to these people that these types of shows exist to counter that belief? Not only that, but it implies that people aren't allowed to have opinions on works that aren't made in their culture, and that anyone who sees those shows as feminist are just projecting their Western beliefs onto an Eastern work. And even worse, when people say that, they don't have the same opinion of Western Magical Girl works.

Just look at LoliRock, Miraculous Ladybug, Winx, W.I.T.C.H., Star vs the Forces of Evil, and countless other European/Western Magical Girl works. Where are the people saying "They get their power from femininity and that is sexist!"? Nowhere! They're silent! Even though those are very much like Magical Girl works from Japan(although I don't think the genre originated from there), while still being original.

It's because people think that any media exported from Japan is automatically sexist and demeaning and so anything they create, no matter how empowering their intentions, gets twisted into something that's somehow toxic or unsafe for girls to watch. But when Europeans do the exact same thing nobody complains. Because Japan is not allowed to do anything empowering whatsoever; something's always wrong with it, apparently.

So that's why I have a problem with people who say those things; it's so problematic because they think they're being all open-minded and aware/respectful of other people's cultures, but all they're doing is reinforcing negative stereotypes further. It's kinda like what I said earlier(in another ask) about how people love to praise Madoka Magica for being a unique, dark, and interesting take on the genre when all it did was rehash elements of the genre that already existed, strip away the female empowerment, and gear it towards grown men, which is why people like it more. How about instead of speaking for Japanese people you let them speak for themselves?!

I would also like to add that there’s even a limit to women acting masculine because that’s still “not enough” for those kinda of men who would promote those beliefs. Women need to act more masculine to “be taken seriously” but then you have men who’ll tell them to “dress less” or whatever.

I think what it comes down to is that they want women to not be “emotionally taxing” with all those dAmN eMoTioNs of theirs (unless it’s for the sake of their angsty magical girl anime where the girls suffer for having emotions), but they also need to look pretty and be sexualized.

We can’t win.