#and it makes it so much more painful that jyn brings that side out in him again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

quarantineddreamer · 10 months

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Hi, idk if you're doing the ask game still but if you are, could we get rebelcaptain for number eight?

Hi, anon, thank you so much for the ask 💜 Confession? I read the prompt wrong a bit wrong and got through this whole thing before realizing it was things you said when you were crying 😬 but I'm going to argue that in this they both cry at points, so I hope you'll forgive me my error (and I really hope you like it!!)

things you said when you were crying

It took all of Cassian’s concentration to command his left foot forward, hands gripping the bars on either side of him so hard it hurt–though not nearly as badly as the rest of him.

Every muscle in his body was on fire, every bone sharply aching.

Not even ten minutes into today’s session of physical therapy and he was drenched in sweat, hair plastered to his forehead, shirt stuck to his chest, the salty taste of it on his lips, stinging his eyes. While he glared down at his feet, a large bead of it–containing all the grace of a raindrop and none of the beauty–dragged down his nose and fell to the floor.

The next step hurt just as bad as the last, and the one after that took twice as long and left him trembling, teeth practically rattling from the effort.

But he was determined, eager to heal. The Rebellion needed him. Already he felt like he’d been away for too long. Months spent in and out of surgery, in and out of consciousness, he refused to let any more time go to waste.

Cassian squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, fighting a wave of exhaustion, pain, and nausea that threatened to drown him; they were sensations he had grappled with more times than not since Scarif, and he had quickly learned that each was tortuous in their one unique way.

“Take a break if you need to, Captain,” the medic told him. “You have a long journey ahead, so pace yourself.”

Screw that. He opened his eyes again and, biting back a shout, forced his foot forward again.

But the toe of his shoe slid in a pool of sweat–all of his own making–sending his leg sliding out from under him. He tried to catch himself with his arms–to brace his weight on the bars framing either side of him–but his palms were too slick, making his grip precarious, and he crashed to the floor, the intense agony of his injuries hitting him all over again.

“FUCK!” he shouted, because what else was there to say when you could remember taking down stormtroopers without so much as a blink and now a single step had turned you into a humiliated tangle of limbs, sprawled across the ground.

Fighting for breath, he used what little energy he had remaining to reach up to the bar above his head and pull himself upright, clumsily positioning his back against the wall.

But following that act, he had nothing left with which to defend himself against the frustration, the hurt, the fear that fell upon him, predators on wounded prey–devouring, consuming–until he’d forgotten himself entirely and all he knew was the dark wash of anguish tearing him to shreds from the inside out.

“Cassian, Cassian.” A hand caught his own midair, preventing him from smashing the floor with his fist again.

The touch grounded him, bringing reality surging back to his frayed mind–he found himself wishing it had left him alone.

No…not now. He didn’t want her to see him like this. Couldn’t bear the look of disappointment he expected to find on her face. “Jyn…” He caught her knees on the floor beside him out of the corner of his vision, made himself look up at her, her image swimming before him.

“Let me–”

“What the hell are you doing here?” He tore his arm free from her hand.

“I came to check on you, I wanted to–”

Cassian did all he could to turn away from her. “Don’t,” he said sharply, loathing the tears that were cutting lines down his cheeks.

Before Scarif he had been better than this at controlling his emotions, hiding them from others, but the regiment of medications he was on created a fog so thick he discovered his own thoughts betraying him all the time. If it wasn’t his short-term memory in shambles, it was his temper–forcing everything to be felt with a heightened sensitivity. The perfect storm of conditions under which he was dealing with perhaps the greatest challenge of his life.

It was hell.

“Will you please look at me?”

“Leave, Jyn. You don’t have to be here, this isn’t your problem. Leave.” His head fell back against the wall and he watched as Jyn’s face darkened, her fingers curling into tight fists where they rested over her thighs.

“Is that what you really want?” she asked quietly, fixing him with a hard stare.

No… A strand of her dark hair was hanging across her face and he wanted to push it back–maybe would have if he’d possessed the strength to do so. Force, her eyes were beautiful.

He was on the floor crying from pain and exhaustion; what must she think of him? Weak, pathetic.Yes, yes I want you to leave…

But she wasn’t looking at him like that, no, he wasn’t quite sure what her expression was saying, but it wasn’t that. I don’t know…

“What if I told you I’m not going anywhere?” Jyn murmured, reaching a hand tentatively towards his face, wiping a tear from his cheek with surprising gentleness. She caught his eyes again, still waiting to see if he would offer a reply.

“I’d say it’s just like you not to listen,” he finally sighed.

“It does sound like me doesn’t it?” she teased, lips briefly twitching upward. But her voice was serious, expression intent, when she said, “Cassian, why are you asking me to leave?”

I don’t deserve this… I don’t deserve you… At his best he’d been a mess–so used to playing whatever part the Rebellion needed that he’d half-forgotten himself–what could he possibly offer her or anyone else now? It wasn’t clear yet if he’d ever be able to walk well again, much less run or fight. He would only slow her down, burden her–and Jyn had carried enough in her life as it was without adding his weight to the equation.

But Cassian didn’t know how to put those thoughts into words–or maybe it was that his voice was betraying him as much as he felt his body was–so he just shook his head, looked across the room to where the medic was standing in the distance, awkwardly trying their best not to encroach despite the need to hover.

“I’ve pushed people away before,” Jyn said softly, pulling his gaze back to her face. “Usually when I needed them most… I did it before they could do it to me, because I thought that’s how it always went, that there was no other way that life could go.” Her hand returned to the side of his face, thumb gently brushing over his cheek. “But it’s not like that with you… I said horrible things to you on Eaudu, but afterwards, when I needed you, there you were.”

“This isn’t like that,” Cassian murmured.

“Isn’t it?”

“You can’t help me with this, I might not get better. And then what?” his voice broke on the question, the first time he’d dared to voice the possibility aloud. If he considered the notion for too long he thought it might take life, form the shape of a black hole, a yawning void that would threaten to swallow him alive. Where would I go? What would I do? What now?

Jyn blinked at him. “You think that’s a reason for me to abandon you?”

“I’m not the person I was–I might never be again.”

“Neither am I,” she replied fiercely. “Neither is Chirrut or Baze or Bodhi–any of us. How can we be? After everything we went through? And besides, it’s not the first time any of us have changed–I know you know that. ” He opened his mouth to speak but she held up her hand. “No, listen. I know you’re going to say it’s not the same, and you’re right, it’s not. This is a big change, a hard change. None of it was your choice, and I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through.

“But if you’re trying to tell me that your ability to ‘get better’ is what determines your worthiness? I’m going to…” she took a deep breath, “to have to fight very hard not to strangle you, because whether or not you know this right now, you're worthy no matter what happens next.

“However you have to show up each day, however you’re feeling, the good, the bad, I’m with you. Same as…same as I know you’d be for me.” She cleared her throat, blinked back a watery shine that had fallen over her eyes. “Okay?”

He leaned his head into her palm. “Okay,” he breathed, because even though he knew he might not believe it tomorrow, he believed it for the moment–and he had a feeling if and when he changed his mind, Jyn would do all she could to bring that belief back.

She wiped her tears from her eyes and offered her hands to him, “Can I help you?”

It still wasn’t easy. He still felt some embarrassment, he still held anger and frustration for it all. He still hurt…

But together, they slowly rose to their feet.

#rebelcaptain #rebelcaptain fanfic #b writes #ask b anything #jyn x cassian #this one is long enough im just tagging it as a fic buuut i did write in a drabble mindset #i hope i did this alright tried to draw from my own experience but i know it is a tricky subject #and one in which perspectives and experiences are almost all unique to individuals #okay here goes nothing

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mostthingskenobi · 11 months

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CASSIAN’S RECKONING - Chapter 4: The Expendable

CHAPTER SUMMARY: Tarkin continues to toy with Cassian, allowing his Death Troopers their pound of flesh. Jyn tries to get the Alliance to help.

I feel such gratitude for the reactions I've gotten to this fic. I'm glad you're enjoying it so far 💜

This is a whumpy fic. Please heed the warnings posted on AO3 for your own well being.

READ THE FIC ON AO3

——————–

CHAPTER 4: THE EXPENDABLE

When the water struck a third time, Cassian choked on a scream as he ruthlessly startled awake. He pulled against his restraints, base instinct making him desperate to escape. The cold-shock became more intense with each exposure, causing his breathing and heart rate to spasm. When the downpour ceased, he was left bent forward over his knees, air shuddering through his lungs. He could feel his pulse in his ears and throat and eyes.

A long moment passed before he realized the lights were on and he wasn’t alone in the cell.

“Good morning, Captain.” Tarkin stood between Cassian and the cell door, his hands clasped behind his back. “Has your reality set in yet?”

Cassian looked up at the unfeeling imperial officer, his chest still heaving and his body shaking from the cold. “Am I supposed to answer that?” he finally asked with feigned innocence. “Has the interrogation started?” The room was so frigid his breath came out in visible, frosty puffs.

A predatory smile stretched across Tarkin’s thin lips. “I find your pluck amusing. Let’s put it to the test, shall we.” He nodded to his death troopers. Cassian heard a metal box snapping open on the table behind him, then two troopers came around front with shock cuffs in their hands. They locked one around each of Cassian’s forearms and biceps, then a third trooper approached with a larger one designed to go around his throat. The rebel’s eyes widened but before he could twist away, a trooper grasped him by the hair and immobilized him, allowing the cold metal to easily lock around his neck. He clenched his teeth and tried to subdue any visible signs of fear, but deep down he knew this was not good; his wet skin would magnify the binder’s effectiveness.

“We’ll start with a simple question. Why try and bluff your way onto my star destroyer?”

Cassian knew pain was inevitable. So, rather than start by verbally provoking his interrogator, he chose silence, simply matching Tarkin’s glare.

The Grand Moff understood. They had each picked their strategy and now the only thing left to do was play their parts. “Very well,” he said, turning to the death trooper squad commander. “Soften him up. I don’t have time for his arrogance. Just make sure he can still talk when I return.”

Once again, Tarkin caught Cassian off guard as the imperial officer turned and left him alone with the six death troopers. After the cell door slid shut, the squad commander took Tarkin’s place. He raised his armor-clad hand so the rebel could see the long, metal trigger button held in his fingers. “Go ahead,” he said, nodding to a trooper on Cassian’s left. The hulking figured stepped close, hauled back, and struck Andor in the face so viciously he instantly drew blood, the black gleaming gauntlets cutting the rebel’s cheek, nose, and eyebrow. Cassian collapsed to the side, sliding down in his chair. He didn’t know a man could hit so hard. But before he even had a chance to catch his breath, the squad commander pressed the trigger and sent an electrical torrent into both of his forearms. Cassian convulsed, snapping back against the chair, unable to breathe much less scream. Finally, the trooper paused the onslaught and allowed another man to come forward.

Andor slumped, gasping for air. The attacks were coming so fast and in such unpredictable ways that he had no ability to steady himself. As blood ran down his face and neck, another trooper stooped eye-to-eye. The man reached behind his back and unsheathed a vibroblade, bringing it close to Cassian’s face, placing the tip under the young man’s chin, lifting his head. “This is for Scarif,” the trooper growled.

———��——–

“I assume you’re here looking for Andor.” Draven barely managed to avoid rolling his eyes.

“And I assume you’re doing nothing about the fact that he’s missing,” Jyn retorted as she and the rest of the Rogue Crew circled around the center consul in the ready room.

“He’s not missing,” Draven said, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s out of contact.”

“He’s eight hours outside the envelope.” Jyn struggled to keep her tone from devolving into anger.

“Considering the sensitivity of his mission, which I assume he told you about despite its eyes-only status, eight hours is a reasonable window of error.”

“Is that so?” Jyn said, leaning forward and pressing her knuckles onto the consul in front of her. “How long does Cassian need to be out of contact before you’ll actually take this situation seriously?”

“We take every situation seriously,” a melodic, cultured voice interrupted the discussion. Mon Mothma stepped through the door flanked by her personal aides. “I was told you wanted to speak with me.”

Draven flashed Jyn an angry look, annoyed that she went above his head.

“I want permission to take a ship and a small crew…”

Mothma lifted her hands, cutting off Jyn. “I share your concerns for Andor, but we must be careful. We need to bide our time…”

It was Jyn’s turn to interrupt. “Bide our time? How much time do you think he has if he’s been taken into custody?”

“They are likely to keep him alive.”

Jyn scoffed. “You and I both know how the Empire keeps people alive. The longer we wait, the worse things will get for Cassian.”

Mothma weighed the facts. “You’re right, of course.”

“Cassian put everything on the line for Scarif. He fought through impossible odds, nearly died, all for the Rebellion, to give the galaxy a chance, to stop what happened at Jedha from ever happening again.” She could see in Mothma’s eyes that her message was hitting home. “Now, you send him right into Tarkin’s clutches, and you just abandon him.”

“Tarkin is not supposed to be on his ship.”

“Why are you all so certain that your intel is airtight?”

“It’s a reliable source.”

“After Scarif, nothing is reliable. The Empire’s hackles are up. They’re looking for every excuse to close their fist. And you walked Cassian right into it.”

“He was the best man for the job.”

“He knew the risks,” Draven added. “He’s a good soldier.”

“I’m asking for a ship and for Rogue Crew. Let me go after him. I won’t even ask you for backup.”

“If what you say about reliability is true,” Mon Mothma said, her voice as steady as ever, “then they’ll be expecting you. In fact, they’re likely to hold Andor for an extended period aboard the Executrix in the hopes of luring a rescue party. There is practically no way for you to safely board that star destroyer.”

“I think I can help with that,” a new voice spoke up. They all turned to see General Hera Syndulla approaching.

——————–

END NOTES

NEXT CHAPTER IS CALLED “THE TRUTH" - We start to see Tarkin's real motivations while Cassian struggles to hold his own. Jyn and Hera develop a plan.

Thank you for reading!

Likes, comments, and reblogs are very welcome!

Much love!

——————–

READ IT ON AO3 - Kudos and Comments Welcome :-)

READ CHAPTER 1 “The Razor”

READ CHAPTER 2 “The Scythe”

READ CHAPTER 3 “The Cold”

READ CHAPTER 4 “The Expendable”

READ CHAPTER 5 “The Truth”

READ CHAPTER 6 "The Detritus"

READ CHAPTER 7 “The Salt”

READ CHAPTER 8 “The Power”

READ CHAPTER 9 “The Betrayal”

READ CHAPTER 10 “The Ruse”

READ CHAPTER 11 "The Reprieve"

READ CHAPTER 12 “The Ghosts”

READ CHAPTER 13 “The Redemption”

READ CHAPTER 14 “The Spoils”

READ CHAPTER 15 “The Interrogation”

READ CHAPTER 16 "The Rogues"

READ CHAPTER 17 “The Absolution”

READ CHAPTER 18 “The Reach”

READ CHAPTER 19 "The Hologram"

READ CHAPTER 20 “The Divide”

READ CHAPTER 21 “The Cost”

READ CHAPTER 22 “The Fallout”

READ CHAPTER 23 “The Wounds”

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rogue-durin-16 · 1 year

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THE MOMENT THEY KNEW

Summary: their imminent death brings surprising clarity to both Jyn and Cassian. While one of them surrenders to their bittersweet realization, the other decides to act on it.

Pairing: Jyn Erso x Cassian Andor

Genre: angst

Tags:

Rogue One/Andor: —

Permanent taglist: @elia-the-bibliophile @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog @amourtentiaa @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @comfort-reads

Warnings: broken bones, blaster wounds, major character death, canon compliant, language

A/N: Recently read the Rogue One novelisation in hopes of finding a little kiss in the elevator scene. I was so disappointed that I wrote it myself (I even made some silly little playlists). I was tempted to write a happy ending but I'll leave that for another fic. Enjoy <3

Rogue-durin-16 navigation

AO3 link

Jyn Erso wasn't stupid. She knew they wouldn't make it.

A part of her was made aware of that the moment K2 had shut the vault's gate. Said part kept growing the higher she climbed.

By the time she, through welled up, defiant eyes, saw Cassian Andor holding up a smoky blaster even though he could barely hold himself up on his feet, she knew.

They wouldn't make it to the shuttle. They wouldn't make it out of Scarif.

It didn't matter much to her at first, though; more important thoughts flooded her mind. Thoughts about the Alliance's Intelligence Captain who she had just learned how to read.

She thought about him choosing to grant her cover over saving himself while they had attempted their climb up the data tower. She thought about him plummeting twelve stories down and crawling back up to help her atop the citadel.

She also thought about how he constantly refused to leave her behind, like everyone else had done before.

And she surprised herself being capable of thinking all of that at once throughout the short path she made over the ruined catwalk in order to reach him.

It all washed over her like a tidal wave, erasing the looming planet killer and the suicide mission and the man in white, and substituting it by how beautiful Cassian looked.

Jyn forced her mind to remember she still had a mission to accomplish. Instead of letting Cassian's name slip out of her lips while she threw herself at his arms in a kind of relief she had last felt when she was eight, the woman rushed to the tower's computer and sent the message to the rebel fleet.

At least, she hoped so.

With all buttons pressed and the plans being broadcasted, she still knew that was it, and it still mattered little to her because she wasn't alone. Cassian supported his own body against the concrete column, right by Jyn's side; his chest heaved as much as hers, and his arm pressed at his abdomen as if he was trying to mitigate the pain caused by the fall, but he was smiling.

Jyn hoped he was as happy to see her as she was to see him. She started to step closer to examine him —although she knew she'd be little help for the Captain—, when she heard it. Someone's staggered breath behind her.

The man in white.

The warm feeling coursing through her veins thanks to Cassian's proximity ran cold.

She ran cold, yet rage made her skin burn, because the man who killed her mother, the man who ruined her father, the man who had sentenced Cassian to death even if they were to make it back to the cargo ship, was still breathing on the floor.

Her father's revenge was sabotaging the Empire's deadliest weapon; hers would be smashing the Krennic's skull until his brains were poured out on the metallic platform.

Jyn seethed and leaped away from Cassian with a growl. She didn't want to kill Krennic, she wanted to murder him, she wanted to—

"Hey— Leave it, leave it!" Cassian urged as his free hand gripped her bicep, tugging her back and holding her flush against him for good measure.

A part of Jyn wanted to try again, but her rage was subsiding increasingly fast, and the scalding feeling on her skin toned down to a tummy-flipping tingle where Cassian's torso met her side.

"That's it." His voice became a soft, soothing whisper on her ear, and she couldn't help but lean on the wounded man.

He gladly took her in, his calloused digits exchanging her elbow for the small of her back and then her waist. Cassian stayed like that, slowly swaying them both while awaited —maybe a bit too long— for her need to disappear. He wondered whether Jyn's hand clinging on the back of his shirt felt as intimate to her as it did to him.

"Let's go." He finally spoke, bumping his nose on the woman's temple —or maybe she had been the one closing the minuscule gap between them. Cassian didn't dare to assume that.

"Okay." With a nod and a camouflaged sniff, Jyn's fingers slipped away from his ragged up shirt and her blue eyes rose until they met the man's chocolate ones. Cassian was in immense pain, yes, but the way the woman who had fueled the rebellion's dying embers until they'd become a wildfire looked at him made up for it. That longing stirred with worry and fear put him at ease, because he knew he made the right choice when he decided he would die for her.

He was no longer dumbfounded by those sort of thoughts like he had been in Jedha —back when he didn't know why he couldn't leave her behind—, or scared like he had been in Eadu —he had betrayed himself so easily for a woman he barely understood.

No, now Cassian knew. Jyn was a reflection of him —the part of him he had left behind. She was also a force to be reckoned with; a hurricane that had swept him into her chaos the moment they met.

Jyn was everything he had been unconsciously searching for a couple of years already. He would have loved to discover her day by day —the scrappy criminal who had saved him in Jedha; the soft girl who glistened in her tears; the passionate leader who had taken them to a nonstarter victory.

Yet, he accepted they didn't have the luxury of time, so he would take whatever she gave him in those last moments.

"You look like shit." She stated, feigning a nonchalant cynicism whilst giving him an up-and-down.

Cassian let out a half laugh that immediately turned into a grimace due to his most likely broken ribs. How he made it up to the top was beyond his comprehension.

"Can you walk?" She whispered, and this time her true emotions bathed her sentence. Cassian surprised himself by denying with his head.

Without a single word, Jyn awkwardly passed his left arm over her shoulders and hoisted him the best she could. She was limping too, the brunet man realized, although he wouldn't bring it to her attention.

"Do you think anybody's listening?" He asked, trying with all his might not to let his discomfort show. If Jyn heard it, she didn't mention it out loud either.

"I do." she gifted Cassian a smile, genuine and peaceful, before confidently stating, "Someone's out there."

Jyn wasn't the best with words, but she hoped that was enough to hint to Cassian the effect he had had on her. She hoped he understood she decided to fight for the cause because he inspired her to do so.

It took them forever to reach the damn turbolift. Despite Cassian doing the best he could to walk by himself, he could barely take two steps without stumbling, which had Jyn's already sore body tensing the whole time to balance them both. She almost exhaled in alleviation when her hand abandoned Cassian's to press the opening button.

The dimlit elevator gave her a fake sense of security, but did little to erase the concern about the Captain's well-being. Even though she had let go of him and his shoulder blade and crown now rested against the holed up wall, Jyn couldn't bring herself to lower her arms. Out of instinct, she kept them extended towards Cassian, ready to catch him if his legs gave in.

No one could blame her; the man looked like he was about to break into a million pieces.

He would have been bothered by that in any other situation —he was no kid who needed to be pampered, he was capable to hold himself— but the agonizing ache lighting up his body was reflected on Jyn's eyes as they roamed his frame, occasionally looking into his with an unspoken apology.

She didn't know how to help.

K2 would have known, Cassian thought, and felt the nausea coming to him. He had led the droid to his death.

In all fairness, he had probably led every pathfinder to death. Melshi had joked about how Rogue One's mission was a one-way ticket to the hell the had earned.

More nausea.

Did Jyn feel that guilt too? At the end of the day, she hadn't really gotten to know those people. Maybe she did feel it for Chirrut and Baze. Maybe for Bodhi. Maybe even for K2.

At the very least, he knew she felt his own life weighing over her shoulders. With a strained groan, Cassian bit the bullet and turned to face the woman besides him.

Jyn felt her heart skip a bit. With a gasp, she stepped forward, her panicked, shaky hands immediately shooting to hold Cassian's forearms when his position shifted.

He was surprisingly fast to catch one of her hands in his, thumb tracing reassuring circles on its back.

His spy façade had fallen with K-2SO, but only now he was actively allowing her to see through him. She found herself once more admiring how beautiful he was like that; exhausted and calm, still standing strong enough to hold her, staring into her soul with gentle, comforting brown eyes.

"This didn't have to end like this." She confessed, refusing to take a step back and lose the grip she had on Cassian's forearm.

The man inches away from her seemed half taken aback —fuck, even she was—, but not entirely.

"It's alright." He muttered, his free hand squeezing Jyn's own forearm before squeezing her waist. "I chose this."

He did. Jyn tried to remind herself Cassian had been in this fight for long enough to know what was at stake, but it haunted her still, the fact that it took her arrival into his life for it to end.

"I'm sorry."

"Jyn..." She almost preferred the Captain's impersonal front now; the way Cassian's gaze made her feel seen was overwhelming. He carried the understanding of an equal, the tenderness of a friend and the yearning of a lover all at once.

She tried to swallow the lump in her throat while she reached out to cup Cassian's nape.

The man's lids fluttered close with her touch, a content exhale slipping through his parted lips, and Jyn's mind wander what they could have been in a fairer world.

The same Jyn whose life motto had been to live from day to day since she was a child, who had never had the luxury of daydreaming about future plans, became frustrated. She wanted to know this side of Cassian —the genuine, sympathetic Cassian who melted under her touch and smiled proudly at her curt speeches and would die for her in secret—, and it wouldn't even be an option, only a sour what if.

Jyn Erso didn't like the 'what if's. She didn't know if Cassian did, but she didn't really give a lot of thought before standing on her tiptoes to close the embarrassingly small gap between their faces.

It was a just an instant-long abrupt kiss, but for Jyn it sufficed to know it wasn't a 'could've been', but a 'would've been'. The certainty showed in her stomach flipping and the burning feeling on her skin under Cassian's tightening grip and the immediate reciprocation of her actions.

Jyn hadn't imagined that the bittersweet realization that came with that shortlived kiss would bring her peace, but it did.

The badly wounded Captain half chased the woman's cracked lips when she retreated. He didn't have to go far, though, since Jyn's forehead swiftly met his.

He wanted to say something —anything— but words escaped him. Perhaps it was for the best, Cassian thought. Jyn preferred action over talking that might have as well been hot air.

Trusting the woman to keep him up if he lost balance, his right palm abandoned the faux security of the turbolift's wall to caress her dirt-stained cheek with an equally smeared thumb.

Cassian felt a slight relief when her reaction to his touch mirrored the one he was having to her fingers toying with the hair on the back of his neck. He had to use all his willpower not to fall when Jyn snuggled closer, her nose bumping his own.

Having her close felt so natural. It wasn't fair.

Their blown pupils met through low lashes and, right when Jyn seemed to find her voice, an unprompted tremor shook the citadel's tower, making them both stumble and putting out the cold, flickery lights outside the shuttle.

Jyn had been quick to react, acting as a pillar for the pair and simultaneously forcing Cassian's back to lean on the wall again.

"What was that?" She whispered in the dark, and Cassian became well aware of the lack of space between them by the feeling of her hot breath fanning over his neck.

They both knew what it had been, but Cassian chose to shake his head briefly. "I don't know." Shaky breath in, shaky breath out. "We're still going down, right?" He caught himself having to ask. He hated the weak pitch he was forced to use.

"We're still going down." Jyn confirmed, carefully resting her face on his half exposed clavicle.

This time, it was Cassian's right that found Jyn's side, sneaking under vest to feel her closer.

Not even a couple of seconds passed before the lift fully stopped, signaling they had reached the lowest level in a shattered blue screen above the gate.

"Hold on, I'll open the door." Jyn requested in a resolved tone, her fingers slipping away from Cassian's biceps. "I'm going to get you out, Cassian."

That was the first time she used his name with earnest. He liked the way it rolled on her tongue a little too much for someone who was about to die one way or another.

"Wait."

Cassian slightly folded forward to take a hold of his savior's wrist and felt his insides twisting at the movement.

Jyn didn't complain. She didn't rush him or chastise him, she didn't even scold him for coercing his damaged self.

Instead, she obliged and waited; she let herself be brought back to his arms and fisted the collar of his shirt when his mouth desperately found hers once more.

She had had her chance, now he needed his. This time the kiss was messy and rushed and needy —so needy that Jyn wondered if Cassian would have denied it happened afterwards in a more promising scenario.

Cassian was writhing in pain and his own movements were at fault, because he needed Jyn's body burning life in every part of his own her touch could reach. He held her impossibly tight and winced against her lips when her own desperate hands did the same.

He kept up as long as his body allowed him to, moving in sync with Jyn until the pain became unbearable and he had to pull away.

There are worst ways to go, Cassian thought with salty tears caught in his eyelashes and his arms wrapped around the woman whose soul was a bit too similar to his.

"Cassian..." There it was again, that intimate sweetness. "We have to go." She muttered, cupping his stubbled cheeks with her fingerless gloves to plant one last featherlight peck atop his lips.

He nodded and complied, first letting go in order for her to open the gate, then draping his arms over her shoulders so she could drag him out into the unnatural hot of Scarif, and lastly allowing her to choose a place to rest.

A part of Jyn wanted to try and make it to a ship, but she was past the moment of knowing better, so the beach was her best call.

Her mother used to love Lah'mu's shores. 'The sea soothes the soul', she had confided Jyn. She wanted Cassian to have a soothing end, and Scarif's beaches were as beautiful as they could get.

She almost ran out of breath, but somehow managed to get them through the heating sand before Cassian's legs gave in, making them both stumble to their knees.

He had made it further than Jyn fathomed possible, which made a new kind of admiration for the Captain bloom in her chest.

Fixing her hopeless, terrified gaze in the horizon, she surprised herself by thinking how breathtaking the view was. Bizarre was an understatement to describe the uncanny resemblance between the upcoming boiling wave of destruction and the most beautiful sunset she had ever seen.

While she stayed mesmerized by the terrifying sight, Cassian sought comfort in observing her. He tried to imprint her silhouette in his brain through his already blurry glance, in case he would drop dead that same instant.

Her face turned and her apologetic crystal clear irises infused one last bit of life into Cassian. There was a thousand things he wanted to say, but maybe just a handful she would have needed to hear. Cassian wanted to believe he chose the best one.

"Your father would be proud of you, Jyn."

A tight-lipped, grateful smile confirmed it, and he felt content.

Jyn too wanted to return the favor, to give him the closure that, unbeknownst to her, she had already provided, but speech wasn't her strong suit.

Her unsteady hand reached out to his, at first miscalculating but ultimately intertwining with Cassian's fingers. I'm scared, she wanted to say at the feeling of the heat wave scorching her exposed skin.

The man whose job was to read people knew, and with one last effort, he propped himself up on his knees and prompted Jyn to do the same. He found the strength to hold her one last time.

Jyn could have cried in relief right there, but instead enclosed her newfound companion in the tightest of embraces. She heard him sigh peacefully, and felt his palms go all the way up to her shoulder blades while his face snuggled on the crook of her neck.

She plucked up the courage and shielded him from the world as it grew brighter, because she owed him; because he came back and wrapped her in a warm, safe embrace that felt like home at the end of it all.

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mari-beau · 3 years

Text

GIVE ME A REASON: PART SIX - A Rogue One Fanfiction

This is a shorter installment, and maybe pointless… maybe I’m dragging this out too long… But also, who cares, I’m doing this for fun. I just love playing with them!

Read on AO3

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Title: Give Me A Reason: Part Six

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Characters: Jyn Erso POV, Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn (mostly pre-ship?)

Spoilers: Rogue One; Episode IV A New Hope

Setting: Post-Rogue One AU (Cassian & Jyn live); Also during/post A New Hope

Warnings: Some coarse language. References to wounds. And… Cuddling?

Words: 1,720

Story Summary: Jyn’s entire universe has been turned on its head, so maybe she’s clinging a little too hard to the one thing she feels certain of (strangely enough) as she tries to figure out her place in the galaxy. And maybe she’s being a little overprotective of a wounded captain.

Also can be found on AO3.

The Death Star had come for them.

Again.

But Jyn couldn’t bring herself to care. It did seem a little strange to have been spared the last time only to probably be destroyed this time, barely a week later. But either way, it was the end to her life she now knew to be her fate, or whatever. It just felt right. It just was. Not the Death Star specifically, but,

Jyn Erso would die in Cassian Andor’s arms.

Whether it should’ve been on Scarif. Or it was here on Yavin 4. Or the next day. Or thousands of days in the future.

And there was a sort of peace in knowing that. One that allowed her to climb into his bed, slide her arms around him, and bury her face in his shoulder. He stirred and her heart skipped a beat. It was easier when he was unconscious, to consider how she felt about him, how she’d been attracted to men before, even had something akin to a relationship with one or two, but it had never felt like this.

“Jyn…?”

“Yes, it’s me. We’re on the base on Yavin 4. Safe. In your quarters.” It was easier to preempt any confusion or alarm Cassian experienced when he woke from his heavy, partially drugged, mostly just exhausted from his body’s healing, sleep.

“How long?” he asked, then realized there were static-laden voices broadcasting over the basewide intercom. “What’s going on?”

“You’ve been asleep for 12 hours,” Jyn said, moving closer and partially on top of him to prevent him from trying to get up in a rush and falling flat on his face. Also, she was admittedly afraid on some level, afraid to be alone and facing death. When he was near her, when they were physically entwined in some way, she felt like everything would be okay. Even if she died, if it was in Cassian’s arms, then everything would be okay. Irrational, yes. But that didn’t make it any less her truth.

“The Death Star is here,” she said, once she could tell he was awake enough to understand, not muddled by pain meds. “The Alliance is scrambling their forces to engage. They’re leaving the comms open, since you know…”

“We’re all dead if they fail.”

His arms wrapped around her and engulfed her in his warm embrace. Cassian Andor, a man who, she didn’t think she was wrong to guess, hadn’t received much at all in the way of affection in his life, somehow was so good at holding a person he made the pain of the universe go away, made the entire universe fade away except for his hands on her body, gentle and undemanding but also firm and reassuring, his breath hot on her neck, sending shivers down her spine, and his body beneath hers, so strong despite his injuries.

“Are you okay?” she asked, remembering the physical state of him.

“Mmm… Yes.” His hands tightened their grip on her side and shoulder, reflexively, a gentle squeeze as he murmured into her neck. “Feels good.”

He probably meant he felt fine, but oh, yes, it did feel good. Or maybe he was still quite medicated?

“My weight isn’t putting pressure on your injuries?” Jyn asked. “Maybe I should…”

“No.” Somehow he managed to pull her further into him, her breasts flattening against his chest, her hip practically fusing to his, her breath hitching momentarily and then joining the rhythm of his own breaths...in and out… in and out… in and out...

Cassian sighed, made a frustrated, growling sound.

“I need to use the ‘fresher,” he said, loosening his grip on her.

Jyn rolled off from him, swung her legs around to sit on the side of the cot and waited to see if Cassian could manage to stand. He slid to sit on the edge of the bed next to her and took a moment. She didn’t press him, though an instinct inside of her wanted to offer assistance, wanted to take care of him, wanted to ease the pain and struggle his recovery was.

He stood, again pausing for a moment, then walked slowly across the small room to his private refresher facilities. Apparently, it was one of very few benefits to his officer’s rank, for the small quarters were nothing more than a glorified closet. But she supposed it spared him from having to sleep in a large barracks with a bunch of others, not that it would’ve deterred Jyn in the least from crawling into his bed.

Part of her felt like she shouldn’t watch his laborious movements, out of respect, but she couldn’t look away. What if he needed her?

Force, what if he didn’t need her? Not like she needed him? Aw, fuck. She needed him.

She watched the muscles in his naked back twitch, stiff from inactivity and injury. But her eyes were inevitably drawn to the perfectly uniform lines of small circular marks running down his spine. She knew there was a matching sort of trail along his ribs. Injections of some sort of bacta cocktail meant to speed the fusing of the fractures in his vertebrae and ribs, injections straight into the bone. How painful would that have been if he’d been conscious, she couldn’t help but wonder, couldn’t help but want to wrap her smaller body around as much of Cassian as she could, run her hands gently over his scars, old and new, make sure his wounds were healing and his bruises fading, hear him sigh contentedly against her skin, hold him forever.

As he disappeared into the ‘fresher, Jyn realized she was hopeless.

Cassian Andor had taught her about hope. And had made her absolutely hopeless at the same time.

But why fret about it? What did it matter?

Jyn was used to dealing with life moment by moment, day by day. And she might not have many more moments, anyway.

The loud, static-laden voices crackling over the basewide intercom announced the launch of yet another squadron of fighters, then abruptly switched over to some ship’s communication officer announcing visual confirmation of the target. The Death Star.

Looming on the horizon like a moon, a harbinger of death, bringer of eternal night. Cold, austere, which made it somehow more terrifying, somehow worse than staring down an angry brute about to put a knife in you. It was just so inevitable, indomitable. Made her feel so small, insignificant, so alone.

“Do you mind if I turn this off?”

Jyn startled. How had she not noticed Cassian reappear in the small room? He pointed at the comm, which was broadcasting the prelims of a battle to determine all their fates.

She didn’t want to listen to it either.

“Please do,” she said, already feeling less… alone.

She watched Cassian lean over to switch the speaker off, wincing in sympathy with him as he straightened again, taking a deep breath that expanded his chest and shifted the muscles beneath his skin, mesmerizing her more than a little. His mostly naked body preoccupied far too many of her thoughts.

But what else had she been supposed to do? She’d woken up drenched in sweat that first night in his quarters, had to strip out of the heavy infirmary clothes, found Cassian tossing in his sleep, nearly feverish, removed the sweltering clothes from his body, as well. Little did she know, how enthralling she’d find his lean muscles, the shape of his body, the feel of his bare skin, his-

His hands cupped her face and Jyn looked up at Cassian Andor, his kriffing gorgeous dark eyes fixed on her. His fingers swept some stray hair from her forehead, tucked it behind her ear, returned to swipe gently over the nearly-healed scar above her eyebrow, in her hairline.

“Are you okay?” A knot formed in her throat. Cassian was a good man, despite every questionable thing he’d done and tortured himself over. Of course he would care about her wellbeing. It didn’t mean-

“Ow!”

“Your blaster wound still hurts?” His fingers feathered over her shoulder, not touching the freshly healed injury this time.

“It does when you jab your finger in it.” She grabbed his wrist and tugged his hand away, throwing him off balance so that he fell into her and she managed to catch him and ease him onto the bed, right where she wanted him.

A chuckle escaped him and he smiled, making something flutter inside of her. And then he was reaching for her, pulling her close.

His embrace was everything she’d never known she’d wanted. His hands stroked her back and he buried his face in her neck, nuzzling a sensitive spot just behind and below her ear.

She sighed, wrapping an arm around his middle and burying the fingers of her other hand in his messy, soft hair. She pressed gently as she massaged his scalp down to his nape, eliciting a hum of pleasure from him that vibrated against her bare skin and into her flesh.

If this was to be her last moment, Jyn held no regrets. It was a good moment.

“Jyn?” His voice had a lethargic but happy edge to it, thick and low and sleepy. She could sympathize.

“Yes?” She twisted her finger in a lock of hair curling about his neck.

“Please don’t let me sleep so long this time.” His whisper tickled her ear. “No more than 10 hours. Okay? Please?”

He wanted her to wake him up in 10 hours… Like there wasn’t a battle raging in space nearby… Like he didn’t believe they were quite probably going to die soon, incinerated by a weapon her own father helped design. Like he didn’t believe they were going to lose, after all. Somehow, he believed they would be there, together, ten hours from this moment.

Hope.

Such a man as Cassian… The most unexpected thing she’d discovered about him was his belief in hope. That he possessed any at all after all he had done, all he had seen. And then he’d given it to her.

And again, it warmed her, deep inside, that small seed of hope. She snuggled closer to the man, hoping for something she couldn’t even begin to conceive of. But yearned for it, with every fiber of her being.

#fic: Give Me A Reason #Rogue One #fanfiction #rebelcaptain #my fic #Cassian Andor #Jyn Erso #Cassian x Jyn

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andorerso · 4 years

Text

let the cat out of the bag

Modern AU. M-rated, no smut but lot of references to sex. Super silly!

It starts after the first time they sleep together.

They aren’t dating, they aren’t even friends – but he’s the hot classmate she always had a thing for, and when they’re paired up for a project that leads her to invite him up to her apartment to prepare, she can’t hold herself back anymore.

It’s clearly mutual; she hasn’t picked up on it before, but it’s hard to ignore it then. Cassian is giving her signals, flirting even, and she doesn’t think too much of it before she kisses him. His response is pretty enthusiastic, and it isn’t long before their clothes disappear.

Studying blissfully forgotten – for the time – Jyn has the pleasure of enjoying the best sex of her life. And that’s all it’s supposed to be. They both agree that neither of them has time for a relationship, but that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy the hot sex between them every once in a while, and hot sex, it is. A quick discussion in bed to make sure they’re on the same page, and they move right onto round two. Then three and four.

Truthfully, they don’t get any studying done that night.

Then between rounds three and four, Cassian gets up to get a quick snack for themselves from her fridge while she goes to use the bathroom. She finds him scratching her cat’s ears when she emerges, totally unaware of the incredulous stare she’s giving him.

“Hey, cute cat,” he says, his lips quirking up into a smile when Mimi arches her body towards him, butting his palm with her head. She’s purring, and Jyn feels like she’s in a different dimension. “What’s her name?”

“Uhm.” Shaking her head free of confusion, she says, “Mimi. She usually doesn’t take to strangers like this.”

That’s an understatement. Mimi looks like a harmless floof, and it usually lures unsuspecting victims into underestimating her, which is a big mistake to make. She has a vicious streak; many a guest and even friends have ended up with nasty scratch marks for daring to try and touch her. Bodhi is terrified of her to this day and jokingly calls her Jyn’s “doppelganger.”

“She’s you in cat form,” he told her affectionately. Jyn rolled her eyes but he wasn’t too far off.

Mimi doesn’t like strangers and she doesn’t trust them. She isn’t a particularly affectionate cat to begin with, not even with Jyn – who is undoubtedly the only person she seems to tolerate.

So it’s a shock, to say at least, to see Cassian rubbing Mimi behind her ears and his hand not being bitten off. In fact, Mimi’s eyes are closed in contentment, a low purring sound reverberating through her tiny body. Jyn almost feels a little jealous – but of who, she isn’t sure.

Cassian looks up at her with a quirk of his lips, eyes sparkling in amusement.

“Guess I’m special then.”

Then it goes on.

Jyn brings Cassian home one night, pushing him to the sofa and crawling into his lap without much preamble, attaching her mouth back to his. She grabs his cock, not in the mood for foreplay, and hears Cassian hiss in response. But just as she’s about to take off her shirt, Mimi jumps up on the couch and meows loudly.

Jyn breaks away in surprise. It isn’t like her cat to be so needy – but as she blinks at Mimi in confusion, she realizes she isn’t groveling for her attention.

Of course.

Cassian laughs in amusement, like this is all funny, and reaches out to give Mimi an affectionate pat on the head.

“Hey, Mimi. Missed me, did you?”

What the fuck is going on.

Jyn stares at them both incredulously. She’s just trying to get some good dick, goddammit, and here is her own cat, usually a grouch, being a cockblock because she decided she’s just as putty in Cassian Andor’s hands as any other girl.

He really has a certain effect on the female population but this is ridiculous.

Jyn clears her through loudly, drawing Cassian’s attention back to her.

“Sorry, do you wanna keep playing with that pussy or mine?”

“Jesus, Jyn.”

Surprise etched on his face, she feels a momentary thrill of satisfaction at having scandalized him.

“Too much?”

“No, that’s… that’s fine, just – not in front of your cat.”

“Come on, she can’t understand you.”

“It’s weird.”

As they’re talking, Mimi puts her little paw on Cassian’s shoulder as though she is begging for his attention, like the desperate little whore she is. Jyn gives her a glare. Traitor.

“You just like her because she likes you.”

“Yeah, so? I must be doing something right here.”

“I’ll show you something right,” she murmurs somewhat menacingly, then kisses him again, pushing his chest until he’s lying fully on his back. Perfect.

Maybe she’ll suck his dick now. She would bet he won’t be thinking about her cat then.

Satisfied with that plan, she reaches for his jeans and promptly undoes his zipper. He gives her a weird look and glances sideways at Mimi who’s now sitting on the armrest, watching them curiously. Jesus.

“Uhm, Jyn? Can we move this to your bedroom? I don’t want your cat to see my dick.”

She rolls her eyes but stands up, landing him a hand. “Why not? I walk around her naked all the time.”

“And I’m sure she’s very traumatized from that,” he jokes, earning himself a punch to the chest. As she turns around, his echoing laughter follows her all the way inside her bedroom.

Jyn complains about it to Bodhi a few weeks later, grumbling about how her own cat likes her fuck buddy more than she likes her. It’s some sort of karmic joke for sure.

“I swear he’s the cat whisperer or something,” she groans.

Bodhi hums noncommittally. His expression is too neutral which is… worrying.

“Maybe Mimi is onto something.”

She blinks at him.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that she literally hates everybody but you.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Jyn protests feebly. “She’s just not a fan of people.”

“But somehow, she likes this guy,” Bodhi goes on, ignoring her intervention. “Think maybe she’s picking up on your feelings?”

“You’re reaching,” Jyn tells him firmly, ignoring the way her heartbeat speeds up for some reason. “I don’t even know him.”

“You know him plenty well from what I understand.”

Jyn rolls her eyes again.

“It’s not gonna happen, Bodhi.”

“Sure, okay,” he agrees like the good sport he is. She can tell he doesn’t agree but he isn’t the type to push. “But I’ll tell you this – your cat is smarter than you.”

And Jyn punches his shoulder.

She’s literally riding Cassian when there’s a distinct high-pitched meow from the other side of the door. Jyn stops bouncing on his dick, turning her incredulous stare to the closed door of her bedroom. Cassian laughs.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding with me.”

“Ignore it,” he tells her, grabbing her chin and tilting her face back to his.

“But –” she begins but can’t finish as Cassian gives her a searing kiss and rolls his hips up to hers. Fuck it. Ignore it, she will.

In the end, the noises they make are louder than Mimi’s anyway.

When Cassian is leaving that night, Mimi runs quickly to his feet, a ball of white fluff as she circles his legs, purring. And wailing. Wailing, it seems, to stop him from leaving.

Jyn buries her face in her hand, embarrassed beyond belief, but Cassian is, of course, incredibly amused by all this. She almost wonders if he actually likes Mimi more than her.

“Hey, what is it?” he asks as he crouches down and gives Mimi another good rub under her chin. Jyn’s heart gives a strange beat at the sight. “Wanna come with me? I don’t think Jyn would like that very much.”

“Take her,” she deadpans, dedicated to ignoring the weird fluttering in her stomach. “She clearly likes you more.”

He stands up, smirking at her. “We have a connection. Don’t be jealous.”

“Of who?” she retorts, her tone sarcastic… though, it could have been a serious question.

Cassian doesn’t answer but his smile widens. Almost like he sees right through her act. She can’t tell if it thrills or makes her uncomfortable.

“Goodnight, Jyn.”

He leans in to kiss her cheek, her eyes fluttering shut at the unexpected gesture. She keeps them firmly closed even as she hears him bend down to give Mimi one more affectionate rub before grabbing his coat.

At the sound of her closing door, Jyn’s eyes open, her breath leaving her chest in a whoosh. She stares at Mimi with unconcealed resentment as the cat blinks up at her in innocence.

“This is all your fault.”

So.

Maybe she’s catching feelings. Whatever. It’s fine.

It’s just her stupid cat’s fault – seeing them together, seeing him so in tune with her, it’s messing with her head. Mimi is a pain in the ass but she’s Jyn’s baby, and she’s never met anyone who actually liked her and wasn’t mildly scared of her.

That’s all. If she doesn’t see them together anymore, she’ll be fine.

The next time Cassian comes over, Jyn has locked Mimi in the kitchen with fresh water and plenty of food to last her the night. The little devil has nothing to complain about. But as soon as Cassian arrives and they start taking their clothes off, scattered along the hallway, Mimi begins to scratch at the door, wailing tragically. Jyn pretends she doesn’t hear but Cassian does not.

“Hey, isn’t that Mimi?” he gasps, out of breath as Jyn is kissing down his bare chest.

She glances up at him with a pointed look. “Are you here to see her or me?”

Then she swirls her tongue around his nipple which renders him speechless for a moment.

But he doesn’t give up. “Doesn’t she want to come out?”

Jyn pulls away now, straightening to look at him. “She’ll be fine. But if you don’t have your fingers in me in the next five minutes, I won’t be.”

With that, she pulls him towards her bathroom, and Cassian doesn’t resist any longer.

It doesn’t last though.

She manages to stop them from meeting a few times when Cassian comes over, always getting straight to business, then throwing him out the door the minute they’re done. She feels a little bad about it, honestly – but they agreed on no strings attached from the start so she doesn’t owe him anything. Besides, she makes sure to treat him really well while he’s still here so he has nothing to complain about. She’s a thorough lover.

Still, Mimi gives her the stink eye every time she lets her out of the kitchen, and Jyn realizes she can’t keep this up forever. Not if she wants to continue seeing Cassian – and well, why wouldn’t she? It’s been a few months since they started sleeping together but the sex hasn’t gotten boring yet. She’s prepared to hold out until it does, or until one of them finds an actual relationship. (Which is more likely to be him than her but alas. That’s fine too.)

Yet, the ever-rising threat of catching feelings for Cassian almost makes her reconsider. Maybe it’s better to cut her losses now. She can’t – wouldn’t – get rid of Mimi. If one of them has to go, it would have to be Cassian.

That’s what Jyn is thinking about when Cassian comes over that night and Mimi runs to the door to greet him. She had hidden under the couch the whole afternoon, refusing to move no matter how much Jyn tried. No treats, no food, no toy got her to come out. She waited until the knock on the door came and sprinted straight to Cassian’s legs.

His face lights up in a smile like he’s actually missed the stupid cat too. Jyn can only watch in horror as he crouches down to greet her like an old friend.

“Hey there, buddy. How are you today?”

It’s not like she’s gonna answer you, stupid, Jyn thinks, but she’s aware that she’s being a bit nasty. It usually tends to happen when feelings are involved.

“There you go,” he murmurs, rubbing Mimi’s chin. “Good girl.”

Jyn’s face flushes at that, remembering other times she’s heard him say those words.

“Don’t call her that,” she chokes out, voice a little strained. Cassian looks up at her, his gaze darkening with lust as their eyes meet, but he doesn’t answer. He stands abruptly, walking over to her without a word, and kisses her.

It’s a hard kiss, not something to ease them into it, just getting straight to business. Jyn doesn’t mind but her head reels from the sharp turn as he breaks away to bite her earlobe, his hands groping for her breasts. Her breath and legs are getting a little shaky. With a quick maneuver, he lifts her up, her legs locking around his waist as he carries her into the bedroom.

He goes down on her without even taking off all of her clothes, and right then, Mimi is the farthest thing from her mind.

For the first time since they started having sex, they fall asleep together.

Usually, Cassian takes a shower, gets dressed, goes on about his business. Jyn doesn’t mind, it’s the arrangement they have.

But something about tonight has been… intense and exhausting – in a good way. She could barely feel her limbs by the time they finished, and when Cassian collapsed next to her, breathing heavily, she didn’t say anything. Let him catch his breath, she figured. But the warmth radiating from him was so reassuring and comfortable that her eyes quickly fluttered closed, and she must have fallen asleep after that. When she wakes, it’s after midnight, and though she distinctly remembers resting her head against Cassian’s shoulder, he’s now gone.

Bitter disappointment unfurling in her stomach, she sits up slowly. It’s for the best. She doesn’t need any more confusing feelings. But god, her sheets still smell like him, and she admits to herself that maybe she has a little crush and it isn’t just because of her cat.

It’s a thought she regrets as soon as she walks out of her bedroom. Because there, in all his glory, stands Cassian – petting her cat.

And seeing him half-naked, hair a mess, smile soft and mellow, stroking a purring Mimi is an image that she knows she won’t be able to get rid of. She can’t take back her confession now. The longing she feels as she stares at them is undeniable.

“What are you doing?” she whispers to make her presence known, her voice still sleepy.

Cassian looks at her but his hands never leave Mimi’s head.

“I’m petting your cat.”

“I can tell. You’re supposed to be petting me,” she says, but it’s quiet and lacking the exasperation she usually feels in these moments.

“I already have,” he points out, matching her tone. The smile on his face is gentle rather than smug, in contrast with his words.

“Cassian,” she begins, taking a deep breath before biting the bullet. “You can’t do this.”

“What?” he asks, and he seems genuinely confused.

Jyn gestures around with her hands. “Be nice to my cat.”

His eyebrows rise high, looking more confused than before.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s just – it’s not helping me a lot.”

“With what?”

“With my crush on you,” Jyn groans, giving up on fighting it. What the hell, she might as well see what he thinks. Maybe he feels the same.

And if not – well, she’s only losing the best sex of her life. She can deal with that, probably.

Stunned silence follows. Then he lets out a chuckle, his eyes sparkling in amusement.

“I’m sorry, am I so irresistible petting your cat that you’re literally asking me to stop being nice to her?”

Jyn grumbles. When he put it like that…

“I’m not asking you to kick her in the head. Just stop petting her, maybe?”

“Okay.” He nods a few times, stepping away from Mimi who meows once in outrage. Without taking his eyes off her, Cassian moves closer. “Then I have a better proposal for you. How about you let me take you out on a date and I keep being nice to your cat?”

“I…” Jyn pauses. Oh. She was hoping for this but she didn’t let herself believe in it. A slow smile unfurls on her lips. “I think Mimi would like that.”

Cassian, now close enough to touch, winds his arms around her neck, her hands going around his waist.

“And you? Would you like that?”

“Yeah.” She smiles up at him shyly. “I think I would like it too.”

And when she looks at Mimi, Jyn swears she looks a little smug

#rebelcaptain #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #my fics #i wanted to put in the prompt but i can't link nor put in the picture #because it doesn't show up in the tags that way #sigh #ANYWAY super silly but i enjoyed this #mimi the cat

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incognitajones · 4 years

Text

the final birthday ficlet

many months ago, @glorious-spoon prompted: cassian (/ or &) jyn, subtle kindnesses?

here it is, at last! many thanks for the prompt, and your patience

Jyn rarely bothers to be subtle; she’s usually blunt as a punch to the gut. Not that she can’t be stealthy… but a sneak attack is more her style than a drawn-out siege. When she has something to give someone, it’s generally shoved in their face, the way she thrust a blaster at Kay.

So Cassian didn’t expect her to be so perceptive, or good at filling tiny gaps.

He finds a small heating pad on his bunk. A newer chair with a more supportive back appears at his usual terminal. Things he could have requested or that the medics might have given him if he asked, but he didn’t because there were people who needed them more.

Still, Cassian hesitates: are they really necessary? But if he didn’t use them, Jyn might be disappointed. And for some reason, he doesn’t want to disappoint her unless he has to.

She’s also good at silent, unobtrusive presence. She understands when not to ask questions. She keeps him quiet company when he’s fresh back from a fruitless mission to Utapau and the thought of having to talk to anyone is intolerable. When a new recruit from the Atrivan sector starts singing a tune Cassian remembers from his childhood, she breaks in rudely to demand something less boring. Stupidly, he doesn’t even realize until the next day that the odds of her knowing that song were nil; he must have given it away somehow, shown some tell he didn’t mean to let slip.

His insomnia, always chronic, improved slightly when he was in the medbay thanks to drugs and exhaustion, but now it’s back. Nights after he’s been in the bacta tank (they still want him immersed once a week for nerve regeneration) are the worst. Jyn sits cross-legged on the floor and talks to him: a stream of observations, caustic and funny, about Rebels she’s met. He doesn’t have to do anything but listen to her soft, steady voice.

Cassian doesn’t have anything nearly as important to give to her. All he can do is make sure she knows that he’s grateful.

Jyn never understood how people were able to just… do things for each other. It’s the sort of calculus that seems unintelligibly complicated from the outside.

Cassian let her keep his blaster, which was more than a small kindness considering what she might have done with it. He got the quartermaster to issue her a new truncheon—which they weren’t keen to do, after she lost the first one on Jedha.

He told her what happened to her mother’s body, which neither she nor Saw ever learned. It’s in the Rebellion files: Lyra was buried by a neighbour who saw smoke rising from the farming machinery Krennic’s troopers destroyed and came to investigate. A small weight drops away from Jyn with the knowledge that her mother wasn’t left to the bonepicker birds.

But it takes her a long time to figure out how to reciprocate. Cassian doesn’t retain objects, doesn’t have any meaningful possessions. Everything he owns is Rebellion-issue: utilitarian, functional, well-kept but thoroughly replaceable. She does what she can to make them more comfortable. And when he gets a migraine from the pain radiating up his spine, Jyn brings him a cup of seagrass tea, the kind her father used to brew for his headaches, and leaves it outside his door.

Later, he finds her and stammers out a thank you so awkward that it’s difficult to say who it leaves more embarrassed, him or her. She wants to run away; instead she tells him there’s no need to thank her, and his face freezes.

It isn’t until the next morning when she walks into the mess and sees that he’s saved her a place to sit that she realizes why it’s so hard for both of them to accept these things. It’s not the tea, or the seat, or the company: it’s the kindness behind it. Neither of them is much good at caring or being cared for. They haven’t had much practice at it.

So she sits down next to him, on the left where she can ward his injured side. He passes her the sweetener for her caf before she asks for it. And they sit there, side by side in silence, and eat their breakfast in a small halo of peace.

#jyn erso #cassian andor #jyn x cassian #sort of #canon divergent au #glorious spoon #prompt fills #birthday prompts #my fic

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lavellenchanted · 4 years

Note

1 or 28 for the cliche tropes?

How about a little bit of both?

1. There’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow, you’re close + 28. We literally ran into each other

A blaster shot echoes through the air, high-pitched and whining, followed by screams and shouts of alarm. Jyn jerks instinctively to one side, just in time as she feels a brief, searing heat catch the side of her face and a blinding brightness momentarily fills one side of her vision.

Hissing as the pain catches up a moment later, she forces herself to keep running, dodging to the left down a different twisting turn in the bazaar in hopes of losing her pursuers. Her heart pounds in her chest, keeping time with her feet as they hit the ground, and she makes liberal use of her elbows to weave her way through the market-goers, many of whom have stopped as they realise something’s amiss. She takes as many turns as she can, zig-zagging through alleyways and between stalls in as random a pattern as she can manage while still moving steadily south to where the ship is – hopefully – still waiting.

What are stormtroopers even doing here? The only reason they’re on this kriffing backwater to begin with is because it’s not supposed to have an Imperial presence.

The possibility of betrayal flashes through her mind. But Mon Mothma only gave her and Cassian the assignment to assess its suitability for use as a Rebel base yesterday, which is surely not enough time for someone to have sold them out and for stormtroopers to be redirected to intercept them.

Cassian.

The thought of him causes an anxious twist in her stomach. When the troopers first spotted them they split up, the better to hide in the crowds and she hasn’t seen him since. Cassian’s been a spy for years, and Jyn knows he can take of himself, that he’s good at blending in and remaining unseen and that he’s escaped many close calls before this one. But that doesn’t stop the fear that prickles at her neck and tangles in her insides when they’re apart and she can’t see with her own eyes that he’s alive and well.

A flash of white up ahead catches her eye and she turns again, not even having to think twice, the reaction of long ingrained instinct. Running is an old, familiar habit. So much so that she almost feels like a teenager again – in those years after Saw abandoned her, when she was hopping from planet to planet, scrounging and stealing to survive until she got too close to Imperial forces or just pissed off the local black market dealers one too many times and had to run again.

A scarf merchant, with a long line of wares stretched out on a line, provides a good cover to switch directions again, but it also briefly blocks her sight of the street and as she turns she slams into something hard and solid and finds herself spinning head over heels to slam painfully into the ground.

Whatever she ran into falls on top of her, winding her and effectively trapping her. Struggling for breath, she thrashes around trying to get herself free and brings her knee up to try and kick it away when she hears a hoarse groan and freezes.

“. . . Cassian?”

There’s a surprised pause, and then the weight is lifted off her as he shifts and his face appears above her.

It’s a good thing she’s already on the ground, because she relief she feels at seeing him is like a physical force sweeping through her and making her tremble. If she were standing, she wouldn’t trust her knees not to buckle.

“Your knees,” he says, “are as sharp as your elbows.”

Jyn gives a huff of dry amusement. “Sharp enough to pierce stormtrooper armour, do you think?”

One corner of his mouth curls up. “Let’s try not to find out.”

He pushes himself to his feet, the same way he does everything – compact, precise, carefully controlled energy coiled tightly in each movement – and holds out a hand to help her up.

It isn’t the first time Jyn has touched Cassian; more than once he’s pulled her from a fight, or on to a moving ship, or slid something into her hand during a mission. She knows his hands are rough and callused, covered in scars much like her own, but surprisingly gentle in their touch. She knows his fingers are long and flexible, the sort that, if life were kinder, would be making music or tending plants instead of wielding blasters and taking lives. She knows that her own hands are small enough that they fit snugly into his palm, like they were made to fit there.

She knows all this already, but that does not stop the warmth that spreads up her arm or the tight flutter in her chest.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He tugs hard enough that as Jyn comes upright she stumbles a step forward. Immediately Cassian’s other arm comes out to steady her and she’s suddenly caught with his one hand holding hers, practically squashed between them, and his other gripping her elbow. Jyn finds herself staring at his collar bone, just peeking out from under his shirt collar. Her mouth is dry, and she doesn’t quite dare to lift her eyes up to look at his face.

It’s no longer the thought of pursuit that has her pulse racing, or the exertion that has her feeling unbearably hot and flushed despite the cool temperature of the air.

Stupid.

“Jyn –”

Whatever Cassian’s about to say is cut off by a shout from behind them. Without hesitation he starts running again, pulling her with him. For a brief moment Jyn struggles to adjust to his longer stride, but he’s shifted their hands so their fingers are interlaced and able grip tighter; they’re not splitting up this time.

They zig-zag around several more stalls and then are at the edge of the bazaar, just an open street again of them. Jyn’s ready to barrel down it as fast as they can go, heads ducked to avoid blaster fire, but Cassian abruptly spins to his left. Jyn hisses through clenched teeth as her arm is jerked so much that it almost feels like it’s going to come out of the socket, and is too distracted to notice where Cassian is directing her –

– until her back is pushed up against a wall and Cassian – Jyn’s heart stutters like a failing engine – Cassian is leaning over her, even less space between them than there had been just a few minutes ago. They’re in an alleyway between two buildings, so narrow that to call it an alleyway seems overly generous. Jyn hadn’t even seen it, but trust Cassian’s sharp eyes not to miss anything.

Those eyes are now fixed on the entrance to the alley. It doesn’t take long for them to hear the clattering of feet and Jyn has to stifle a gasp of surprise as Cassian presses himself flat against her, arms coming up either side to pin her in, his whole body curling around hers to make them as invisible as possible.

Jyn’s nose is grazing the collarbone she was staring at earlier. The smell of him fills her nostrils – the sharp scent of fresh sweat and dirt, mixed with engine grease and beneath that something else, something she can’t quite define but that’s simply, uniquely Cassian. She can feel every line of him, so close it’s as if he’s moulded himself to her. The blaster at his hip is digging uncomfortably into her side, but she hardly cares, not when his heart is drumming out an unsteady beat against her cheek where it brushes his chest.

Turning her head, she’s able to catch a flash of white above her arm as the stormtroopers go running past their hiding place and straight down the street.

“Which way did they go?”

“They must have gotten further ahead of us. Come on!”

It’s only when the footsteps have faded into quiet that Jyn is able to relax, shoulders slumping with relief and a breath slowly escaping her lips. But though the immediate danger is passed her body is still taut with thrumming tensions, and she knows all too well why.

Cassian pulls back a little once they’re gone, but in the narrow space of the alley he’s still closer than he’s been to her since Scarif.

Memories flit through Jyn’s mind – of standing like this with him in an elevator, their eyes never leaving each other’s faces, of a beach and his arms wrapped around her, of clinging tightly to him while she waited for what she thought was the end, breathing him in and wishing, regretting, longing.

They’ve never talked about it.

After their miraculous rescue, after the months of healing and recovery, after Jyn’s official induction into the Rebellion, when they were finally back on assignment together things were . . . different. She can’t quite explain how. Only that Cassian was more careful with her, somehow. He keeps a deliberate distance on the ship, always ensures that there is space between them if he has to move around her, he doesn’t let her too close.

Jyn assumes it’s his way of sending her a message, so she’s done her best to bury her feelings so deeply that one day, or so she hopes, even she won’t be able to find them again.

But in heated moments like this, in the midst of fighting or running for their lives, those walls seem to drop and they crash together again like waves on the shore.

And she finds the longing is still there.

She cranes her neck to look up at him, wishing he wasn’t so kriffing tall. Jyn knows that she’s short, but she’s never so aware of her size as she is when Cassian is staring down at her, the way he’s doing now. The lines around his dark eyes have tightened, and the look in them makes the breath catch in her throat.

Her hands, she realises now, have come up to clutch his shirt. She knows she should let go, remind him that they still need to get to the ship and get away, but she doesn’t.

Cassian’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, drawing Jyn’s gaze down.

She wants – she wants – she can’t even put a name to it, she just wants, fiercely and sharply, little claws digging into her insides. Jyn has always been a creature of razor-like edges and her desires are just the same, rough and jagged things, but she has never wanted anything in the way she wants this. It’s like an ache that radiates through her whole self, burning with all the intensity of a sun on closed eyelids, almost painful in its brightness.

“You’re hurt.”

Blinking through the haze of confused emotion, she frowns. “What?”

With infinite tenderness, his fingers lightly brush over the side of her face and she winces as a stinging pain briefly flares.

“You’re hurt,” he says again, his face clouding.

“Just a graze,” Jyn assures him, her voice only just above a whisper. “Didn’t quite duck in time. Some bacta spray will clear it up in no time.”

“We shouldn’t have split up.”

Her eyes narrow. She’s not such a lovesick fool that she’s about to let him act the martyr and blame himself for something he couldn’t have stopped even if he’d been there.

“We had to. If we’d stayed together we never would have lost them – we’d just have been a more obvious target.”

His mouth twists to one side.

“Cassian.”

“I know, I know.”

His head drops for a minute like he might rest it on her shoulder, and a soft, tender affection the likes of which Jyn did not think she was capable of feeling rises up within her.

When he looks up again, a small, wry smile is curling his lips.

It’s too much for her to bear.

“Cassian,” she says again, more softly, and rises up on the tips of her toes before she can even think about what she’s doing; her nose brushes against his and the blood crashes in her ears as her mouth lifts up and –

“Don’t.”

He breathes the word out so quietly she barely hears it, but it’s like ice water down her spine. She jerks to a stop, flushing with brilliant humiliation. Her hands drop his shirt like it’s burning her, and the worst, worst part of all is the scratching at the back of her eyes.

No. No. She will not cry.

So he doesn’t want her the way she wants him.

It’s fine. She’s used to rejection.

She will not cry. Not in front of him.

“Jyn.”

His arms are still either side of her, holding her in, and it’s infuriating when all she wants to do is storm away. Maybe now is the time to use those sharp knees and elbows.

“Jyn, mi amor, look at me.”

It’s the soft Festian that makes her pause, and slowly lift her eyes to him. There’s none of the pity or revulsion she feared, but a burning entreaty that soothes the defensive surge of wounded pride and sets her heart racing again.

“I need you not to do that just now,” Cassian says, each word deliberate, his gaze never leaving her face, begging her to understand. “Because once you start, I won’t want to stop.”

The thrill that runs down her spine is the most delicious thing she’s ever felt.

“I don’t see how that’s a problem,” she retorts, lifting her chin in a challenge. His eyes flash, and Jyn’s mouth curves into a grin.

“It’s a problem because we still need to get back to the ship and off this world.”

Hmm. It’s fair point.

“And when we’re back on the ship?”

A slow smile, laced with promises, spreads over his face. “When we’re back on the ship . . then I am all yours.”

It’s a good thing, Jyn thinks, that the journey back is going to take several hours. At the very least.

[tropes and cliches prompts]

#rebelcaptain #jyn x cassian #cassian x jyn #jyn erso #cassian andor #thank you so much for the prompt livia!!!!#and I am SO SORRY it took so long #but I hope you like it #felt like mixing it up with a little rebelcaptain #otp: built on hope #my fic #thesokovianaccords

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onthesandsofdreams · 3 years

Text

The Summoning [1/5]

Pairing: Cassian/Jyn Rating: T Summary: One book in particular catches her eye. It’s a deep violet spine with gold lettering, she pulls it out and realizes that it is one choke full of demon summoning rites. Now, that is interesting. Her mother – to her knowledge – had never summoned one, but now, she was curious. She closed her eyes and passed her thumb over the pages, then stopping at random, she opened the book there, when she opens her eyes, the ritual it’s… ridiculously easy. Words: 1061 Notes: Demon, Witches, Magic & Modern AU. Tagging: @mousedetective

Read @ AO3

Jyn Erso is a witch.

It’s something she inherited from her mother, and her mother before her. It’s in her blood as surely as the sun rises. She is who she is and there’s something she can’t quite change, even if some days it would be less painful not to be.

She has been on her own since she was eighteen. Her mother had left her coven for her father, and her father… well, her father could not help being who he was. Even when it ended with her mother dead and she on the run, always hiding from a wizard that calls himself Emperor.

But now, she’s twenty six and she’s finally ready to claim the house her mother left her.

She stands outside the gates, because of course the house is a Victorian-style, with a good yard and high walls and one metal gate that allows people to look into it. She takes a deep breath and pulls the set of keys that Saw had kept for her until she was old enough to be given, she opens the gates and she can’t quite help to shiver as she crosses the entrance, there’s something inside of her that screams that things are about to change.

Squashing the urge to turn and run back to the apartment she and Bodhi share, she locks the gates again, she will not be having any surprises, at least not from the outside. And walks towards the door, the house looks inoffensive, it needs a new layer of paint, but it doesn’t seem to be in need of serious repair. That’s good.

One by one, she climbs the steps and then she finds face to face with the door. It has stained glass, and it’s in form of a heart surrounded by flower, it’s cute. She opens the door and squaring her shoulders, she walks in.

The house is dark, the hallway is full of dust, but the wood doesn’t creak. Something almost screams at her, that she’s finally home. She bites back a curse and walks further in. The living room’s furniture is covered in dust, fortunately, it has blankets over all of it. At least those things that have fabric, wood and glass she can clean.

The walls are painted a yellow she’s not particularly fond of, she’s definitely painting. Searching for a switch, she finds it easily enough and turns the electricity on, the lights work, she might need to change the bulb, but they work, and bless her mother to make sure the bills were paid, and Saw for all his faults, he always kept on time.

Walking towards the kitchen she smiles, the kitchen is spacious, bigger than the one in the apartment. And it’s all white, she doesn’t mind too much, she can always do accent colors. She finds a pantry right next to the kitchen and she near whoops in joy, now she and Bodhi could cook. Well Bodhi cooks most of the time, she orders in.

She carried on with her exploration and finds a small office near the staircase. Oh, that is quite nice, she would have her own space to write. One side of the walls is covered in bookcases, another win in her eyes, the other is plain and she’s already planning to install more.

With one longing look, she goes upstairs and finds the master bedroom easily enough, it’s the biggest one. And she’s giddy with joy at the thought of having a bed and more space for her to walk or add a small reading corner by bringing in a sofa. The adjoining bathroom is larger than the one she has now, it’s old, but there’s a tub and she’s sure she just hit the lottery, because it’s big. And oh, now she can’t wait to take bubble baths there and just soak the days away.

She checks the extra bedrooms, and she finds that one of them, has been converted into a library. And with that, she’s officially in heaven. She explores the attic, and she nearly flees when she finds some books on the occult that her mother owned. They bring out painful memories.

So she leaves quickly, she decides to check the basement. And when she gets there, she finds much to her surprise that there is another library. Curiosity gets the best of her and she walks in front of the books, they are magic, but a darker shade than the one her mother had used, but her hand is itching to pick one and read.

One book in particular catches her eye. It’s a deep violet spine with gold lettering, she pulls it out and realizes that it is one choke full of demon summoning rites. Now, that is interesting. Her mother – to her knowledge – had never summoned one, but now, she was curious. She closed her eyes and passed her thumb over the pages, then stopping at random, she opened the book there, when she opens her eyes, the ritual it’s… ridiculously easy.

She can’t quite help the snort that comes, how can summoning a demon be that easy? According to the ritual, all she needs is intention, to understand the possible consequences and be ready for it. And yes, she knew all the consequences about summonings, she was ready, so she took the book to where a small window was letting light in.

One by one, she recited the words. She could feel her own power surging, and the letters on the book shone gold for a brief moment and then… silence. Nothing, not a single thing that hinted that the ritual had taken place.

She let out a nervous laugh, this was stupid. There had to be a catch, no demon summoning could be that easy. She placed the book back into its spot and went back upstairs. She needed to fetch things from her car, she had intended to spend the night here and continue to check how things worked and return to the apartment the following morning, thankfully, it was Saturday.

When she finally went to sleep, after finishing a nice dinner of Chinese, sleep was claiming her fast, and she nearly fell asleep the moment her head touched the pillow. And her sleep was deep enough, that she didn’t feel someone climbing to the bed next to her.

#RebelCaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #dailyrebelcaptain #cassian x jyn #jyn erso #cassian andor #rogue one #rogue one fic #au: witches & wizards #au: demons

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themangoyogurt · 4 years

Text

Misguided Youth: The Second Misunderstanding

Chapter 2

It was time to atone for the sins of last night, and that meant having to face the mysterious man who both infuriated and intrigued you. And to make things harder, it turns out that his friends were the type to meddle.

It was time to atone for the sins of your past. Rolling over onto your side, you heaved into a waiting trash can. You felt like shit - both physically and emotionally. You hated being that friend, and Jyn already had enough issues in her life without you being one of them. Making yet another mental promise to get your act together, you reached over to your side table to text her an apology.

Somehow Jyn had been able to deposit your body into bed, and the saint had not only left some aspirin next to a bottle of water, but had also made sure to charge your iPhone. Checking your messages, you almost dropped the device in shock.

General Hux | 9:39 PM | Where the fuck are you asshole?

Big Titz | 11:42 PM | Kyloooo. Come fuck me.

Phasma | 11: 45 PM | Hux said you got your ass handed to you by a girl.

Phasma | 11:46 PM | It is now my life’s mission to meet her.

Big Titz | 11:58 PM | I’ll let you cum in my mouth.

You dropped the phone in disgust. Of course the man from last night would be type to just input “Big Titz” instead of an actual name. What a douche. You’d rather just chuck the damn thing out the window, but unfortunately you’d need it as collateral to get your own phone back. You seriously needed to stop drinking so much. After all, it wasn’t like you had the stamina from undergrad anymore.

Sitting up with your chin perched atop your knees, you tried to shake the demons out of your mind. You were so lost - scared to admit that you only signed up for grad school because you weren’t sure what to do with your life. All you knew was that in the blink of an eye, it seemed like all of your high school buddies were getting married left and right. Doing adult things like joining book clubs, having kids, and arguing over paint chips at Home Depot.

You took one look at the scene and promptly thought “fuck that”.

You parents had been lackluster at best. On bad days, they found amusement in belittling your passions and thoughts. On good days, you were simply ignored. The moment 18 years rolled by, you were swiftly out the door with a one way ticket to New York City. You swore that nobody could ever convince you to have kids. Just in case you were a shit mom and perpetuated the cycle of neglect and pain.

Why did you even bother thinking about your parents? Now you were going to be in a crap mood for the rest of the day. As if on cue, the cosmos decided to add fuel to the fire when you phone number lit up on the glass screen.

Sighing, you picked up with a lazy, “Hello?”

“Is this the bitch who stole my phone last night?”

You immediately swept your feet to the side of your bed to stand up. So the leather jacket clad creep wants to start a fight? You were more than happy to oblige.

“Depends. Is this the old man from last night? The guy who has to prey on younger girls because women his age can see through his bullshit?”

The sound of something smashing echoed in the background, and you couldn’t help but smirk. He huffed, “Just give me my goddamn phone back!”

You snapped, “You’re the one who took my phone. Nobody wants your filthy manslut machine.”

“Whatever. Let’s just meet and get this over with. Can you come down to Brooklyn and meet me at the Starbucks on Bedford and 7th?”

Rolling your eyes, you muttered, “You’re lucky I live in Brooklyn, too. What if I lived on the Upper West Side or something? Also, of all the coffee places in fucking Williamsburg, you want to meet at Starbucks?”

Glass shattered in the background as Kylo seethed, “I’m not drinking the fucking coffee with you. We’re just meeting somewhere public.”

“Jesus. Calm down, I’m just joking.”

This guy could seriously go from zero to one hundred in a flash. You shuddered thinking about someone that huge running around throwing tantrums. You set a time with Kylo for later in the afternoon, eager to get off the phone. You couldn’t resist one last taunt though. Just before hanging up, you teased, “By the way, your friend ‘Big Titz’ sure has a way with words. I can’t wait until she finally gets the Pulitzer she deserves.”

The last thing Kylo heard was your cackle and then the line went dead. He had had remind himself that he was holding someone else’s phone, and he couldn’t slam it down the fire escape. Even if he really wanted to. He stared out the window, still seething with irritation.

Who the hell was this chick? Stomping around just saying whatever the hell she wanted. Kylo huffed and crossed his arms. He hated that despite his general disdain for you, a small part of him was intrigued. It had been ages since anyone worked him up like that. Made him feel anything at all. Somehow, he was already developing an appetite for your snark and attitude.

Maybe he was looking forward to meeting you at Starbucks after all.

He couldn’t wait to push your buttons some more. Maybe, he couldn’t wait to feel you push back.

･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

Kylo felt his chest tighten, and he hated it. The man had half the mind to just turn around and walk home. Phones were overrated anyways. He watched you standing on the street corner, waiting for the light to change before crossing over to his side. You looked like you really didn’t care about meeting up with Kylo, and somehow that managed to bother and fascinate him at the same time.

Your hair was pulled up in a messy top knot - baby hairs sticking up and loose strands framing your cheeks. A thick knit cardigan was slung over your shoulders, but he could see some sort of graphic tee through the opening. Black ripped skinny jeans topped off the look, and heather wool socks peeked over a pair of Dr. Martens that had certainly seen better days.

God, someone this annoying shouldn’t look so cute.

“Hey, you’re actually here on time!” You chirped. Without the influence of alcohol, you were actually in a rather good mood. Kylo’s brow twitched at the assumption that he wouldn’t have been on time. Noticing his balled up fists, you quirked an eyebrow and flatly replied, “Relax, Goliath. I didn’t mean it that way.”

Kylo felt surprise at the fact that you could read him so clearly. Before he could respond, you fished out a black iPhone and waved the device around in his face.

“This yours?” You joked. Kylo huffed and moved to seize it from your fingers. Quickly whipping your hand out of the way you continued, “Nuh-uh. Not until I see mine.” He rolled his eyes and pulled out a similar, yet distinctly more battered, phone. Your lips split open into a wide smile as you swapped devices. Turning it on, you checked your messages and made sure that everything was in order.

“As if I’d snoop through your messages. You’re not nearly as interesting as you think,” Kylo dryly spat.

You looked up from the phone and grinned. “You’re right. I don’t have the pleasure of being friends with ‘Big Titz’.”

“Jesus, again with the name! I don’t even remember her! I don’t think we’ve even hooked up.”

Giving Kylo a look of faux innocence, you replied, “You don’t have to convince me, Kylo. It’s not as if I’m judging you or anything.”

He threw his hands up in frustration and began a sharp retort when a tall blonde woman suddenly appeared and threw an arm around Kylo. Her British accent seemed to dance alongside her jovial expression as she teased, “I hope you’re not punching walls again, Kylo. People Magazine would go nuts.”

Kylo grimaced as a third individual materialized next to him. You recognized him as the “General” from last night. Although he was dressed down in dark-washed jeans and a cable knit sweater, he still held an imposing air around him. Judging by his sharp gaze and rigid demeanor, you could see where he got his nickname from.

The man sized you up, and then a wicked grin spread across his face. Turning to Kylo, he softly spoke, “I didn’t realize that you were bringing a friend with you to brunch.” You quickly raised both hands up and replied, “Oh, no. I didn’t...”

The man quickly cut you off and interjected, “No need to be polite! It’s my treat anyways. A friend of Kylo’s is a friend of ours. I’m Armitage. You can call me Hux, and this is Phasma.”

You looked between the trio - Kylo’s ears were reddened, and you couldn’t tell if it was from embarrassment or anger. Phasma looked like she was eating the whole scene up as her mischievous smile matched that of Hux’s. You really weren’t in a position to turn down free food, and agitating Kylo seemed to be an added bonus.

An equally evil grin spread across your face as you chirped, “Sure! Thanks for the invite.”

Kylo groaned, “Fucking hell.” Everyone ignored him though, and Phasma slipped an arm around your shoulder. Leaning against your ear, she whispered, “So. I’ve been meaning to hear all about how you almost punched Kylo last night...”

･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.

“So how long?”

Phasma looked up from pouring syrup on her waffles and quirked an eyebrow. “How long since what?”

“How long has your friend Kylo been suffering from being a total dick?”

Hux choked on his bacon as Phasma burst out into laughter. The blonde reached over and snatched you phone up before inputting her number into the device. “Here’s my number. We’re totally hanging out later, okay?”

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Don’t encourage her. She’ll just develop bad habits.”

You stuck a tongue out at the man and retorted, “Too late for that.” He groaned and speared a sausage with his fork. Watching you joke around with Hux and Phamsa, gave Kylo an odd sense of satisfaction as he watched the natural joy that spread across your face. His friends weren’t exactly easy people to get along with, and he was surprised by how effortlessly you seemed to assimilate into the group.

Phasma was mid-laugh when she noticed the way Kylo was eyeing you. You were giggling over some nonsensical thing Hux was talking about, and didn’t notice how soft Kylo’s gaze was as he took in the way your shoulders would shake every time you exhaled a puff of air. An idea suddenly popped into the woman’s head, when she asked, “Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?”

Kylo and Hux both swiveled their heads to look at the blonde woman. You shrugged your shoulders and replied, “Nothing, really. Why?”

“Phas,” Kylo flatly interrupted. She turned to Kylo and gave him a defensive stare. Hux responded by nudging Kylo in the shoulder, and you quietly watched as the three seemed to engage in a silent conversation. You guessed that Kylo was the one to relent, because the man slumped backwards into the booth and threw his hands up with a sigh.

The tall blonde asked, “Want to see a show with us tomorrow?”

You pushed a potato wedge into your mouth and nonchalantly shrugged. “Depends on who is playing.”

Hux coughed and you swore that Phasma’s eyes glittered. “Have you heard of K.O.REN?”

Kylo stared at your relaxed demeanor in agitation as you worked on shoveling down more potatoes. He felt completely offended that you were unaware of the fact that you were eating brunch with one of the largest rock bands in the world. They played international stadiums for fuck’s sake, and here you were packing home fries into your mouth like it was your last meal. You shrugged your shoulders again and replied, “Who’s that?”

“Who?! As in you think K.O.REN is one person?” Kylo incredulously spat.

“I don’t know! Karen is a pretty common name!” You defensively retorted.

“Karen? Karen?!”

Hux moved to push Kylo back into the seat while Phasma kneeled over in laughter. Wiping a tear from her eye she gasped, “No. Knights of Ren. Shortened to ‘K.O.REN’. They’re a band.”

Your wide eyes blinked a few times before yet another shrug graced your shoulders. Kylo swore that he was going to lose it. Don’t you use the internet? Social media? Anything? Which rock in Central Park did you drag yourself out of? Noticing that Kylo was about to lose it for real, she quickly continued, “Look. One of my good friends is covering the show and we can get you backstage passes. Do me a favor though, and don’t look up the band prior to going. He’s wants to get some opinions from people who have never heard the band before. Something about a ‘fresh perspective’ or whatever.”

Hux watched in amusement as your fork reached over the table and began to pick at his bacon. The fact that you were now helping the bassist clear off his plate didn’t go unnoticed by Kylo either. Swallowing once again, you replied, “Can I bring a friend?”

“Sure. But you can’t tell her...or him...who the band is. Deal?”

“Deal.”

Phasma gave Kylo a wicked look as she stressed the word “him”. Kylo rolled his eyes and feigned nonchalance. You could bring whoever you wanted to the show. It was none of his business. If you wanted to get drunk and make out with some douche...

He hadn’t even realized that he was balling up his napkin in an angry fist. Her suspicion now confirmed, Phasma quietly began to plot in her head. This was going to be the most fun the woman had since the trio were just teens playing shitty covers in her parents’ garage.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren #misguided youth

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lollercakesff · 4 years

Text

Rekindled

The first touch comes after Scarif. It's brief and painful and riddles up my arm like a stinging nettle, but it's there.

I manage to glance over my shoulder, the effort draining after so long in this hospital bed. Jyn rests her head in her arms, hair strewn across her cheeks and mended cuts spattering her skin. She's beautiful but I can't get the words up my throat and to my lips because a tube blocks their progress. It aches and my throat constricts and I tap my finger against her elbow again because the panic is chasing up my spine and threatening to tear me under.

"Captain," the droid greets as I become aware of the beeping alarms, the flickering light in the hallway.

Jyn shifts at the noise, rouses herself, and glances around before sitting up like a shot. Her eyes fly open, wide and white, before she lurches to her feet and the touch of her hand against mine is gone.

I miss it like fresh air, my fingers reaching across the mattress as I try to bring her back. My eyes are pleading, surely, come back, but she can't hear me because the droid is barking orders and Jyn is pressed against the wall and there's a tube in my throat stealing my voice. She looks frightened and I beg her to look at me, to see me, but she can only keep her gaze high up, up, on the ceiling.

Please, my mind screams, my throat making strangled noises around the tube. I pat the bed again, harder this time, and Jyn finally blinks and looks over. Her eyes land on mine and the shock is electric, her whole being stumbling towards me as she realizes I'm awake.

"Cassian," she warbles, her voice shaking. Her hand wraps around mine and I cling to it, afraid to let go as the droid yells at her to stand back. She refuses and her hand lifts to my chin, to thread her fingers through my hair. "I thought you were dying," she whispers, pained.

I shake my head and try to lift my other arm but the movement hurts and my whole body tenses with it, shaking at the effort.

"Captain, you must refrain from moving. Your injuries are severe."

"Listen to it," Jyn urges, pressing my arm back into the mattress and then returning her palm to my cheek. "I'm here. You're alive. It's going to be okay."

The drugs the droid must be pushing take me over again and I feel myself fading fast, her touch on my skin the last thing I remember before I fade out again.

---

I learn quickly there are many types of touches that one endures when confined to the medical bay. There are guiding ones, instructive and determined, retraining muscle movements forced onto my body as I recover from the damage that Scarif has done to me. Some are probing, prodding and painful, jabs and measures of sensing if my limbs are still functioning. Others are disinterested, the ward droid who helps me roll over to avoid bedsores, the other droid who helps me eventually to the fresher.

There are frustrated ones too, punches and kicks, painful thrashing as I push away helpful hands while I'm neck deep in a vicious dream or when I don't meet my recovery target. Those usually cause more damage, the rage bottled up in my chest making me shiver when I snap and let something fly across the room. The droids ‘tsk’ and the physical therapists give me exasperated looks, the unbroken condemnations causing more destruction than words ever could. They tell me not to get so angry, to calm my mind, but I can’t when I’m already using so much of my energy to just stay alive. They don’t understand how much I need those outlets too.

Rarely, I’ve noticed there are thankfully also soothing touches, like Bodhi's gentle squeeze of my shoulder after a long day, or Mon Mothma's easy pat on the back of my hand as she welcomes me back from the metaphorical dead. The best ones though, I’ve found, are Jyn's desperate reminders of her presence, the near constant fingers against skin, reminding me, reminding herself, that I'm here and I'm not gone. That I came back. Those ones keep me steady when the doctor tells me how many more days I have on the ward, when I find out that my follow-up surgery is scheduled for the next day and I’ll be back unconscious once again. I need those touches to remind me of good things.

"It's late," I say one day after a particularly brutal rehab session, the cold of Hoth pressing in on us as she sits shivering at my bedside. Her lips are tinged blue and she doesn’t have the benefit of the warming blanket and mattress I’m curled up on, but she stays anyways with her fingers linked through mine.

"Don't care," she responds and only wraps her hand tighter around mine. I squeeze her fingers and enjoy her company for as long as she'll give it. I don’t want to give up her touch.

---

I'm released later to a double-bunk room equipped with its own 'fresher, the space small but economic, a retractable desk tucked in the closet and my trunk of clothes shoved at the end of a bunk. Jyn stands in the doorway as I hobble inside, looking for a trace of my roommate's things.

"Who is the other?" I ask quickly, working to come to terms with sharing a space with a stranger. I was never comfortable with sleeping around others but I’d overcome due to sheer exhaustion after days like today.

"No one as of yet. Draven ordered a private space for you to finish your recovery," she forces out and I don't believe her, my brow lifted in question. It's not likely that they would give up a bed like this, especially not when it could be occupied with some other soldier, but I don’t know how to challenge her on it and so I don’t, dropping onto the bottom bunk and looking up at her. “Do you want me to run and grab something from the mess? For dinner?” She asks awkwardly, still maintaining her distance.

It seems odd, to watch her shift nervously against the steel, almost like she was trapped and I was her captor. The feeling churned in my gut and though I was hungry, I wasn’t prepared to subject her to discomfort longer than I needed to.

“No, I think I want to lay down for a bit first,” I answer evenly to her quick nod.

“Alright. I’ll just - “

“Did you want to join me?” It falls out of me unexpectedly, the question blundering out of my mouth before I could draw it back. I don’t - can’t - look at her and her inevitable rejection. I couldn’t do it.

“We’re not huddling for warmth in the med ward anymore,” she answers tightly, her cheeks pink.

“Sure,” I pause, locking eyes as she twists her hands anxiously. “But do we have to be? Or can the request just be enough of a reason?” She stalls for another minute, turning it over as she clenches and unclenches her jaw before me. I hold my breath until I’m dizzy with it, the need for her closeness so intent that I feel like I’d crumble if she didn’t hold me together one last time. I need her. I want her. “It’s okay if you don’t. I get it,” I manage to grumble after her silence has gone on for a beat too long, the rejection stinging.

“No - I do. I do,” she urges and steps forward, finally closing the distance. Once she does it’s like a magnet has come to life, her body sinking down beside mine as we sit with our thighs pressed together on the mattress. “I just - don’t know how to do this. Everything before this wasn’t - it didn’t mean anything.”

“It doesn’t need to be more than just laying with me,” I whisper, glancing down towards her as she shifts and looks up at me through her bangs. “It can just be us, here.”

“But what if I want more?” Her voice is strained and it runs a thrill down my spine, one that aches as it fumbles back up my insides and awakens a long dormant stirring.

“Then we’ll figure it out. Together. But right now, just lay with me, please?” I counter and she nods, getting to her feet and pulling at the thin blankets covering the bed. I let myself fall back and crawl under them, my body giving up as soon as I’m horizontal once again.

For a brief second I worry she’s going to run, her eyes flicking nervously around the room before she darts towards the closet. With a quick jump and a slap of her hand, another compartment pops open and she pulls out a thick comforter that she tosses over me. I smile in thanks and shove towards the cold wall, making room for her on the tight mattress.

She pulls at my feet and removes my boots before dumping her own at the side of the bed, crawling in under the blankets and curling herself into my desk. Her cold fingers burrow into my collar and I sigh, my breath fanning over her head as she forces a breath out and her shoulders purposely relax against me.

“Wake me before dinner rotation ends,” she whispers, her lips brushing along my shoulder. I let my arm settle along her hip and I nod, holding close to her, revelling in her touch along my broken frame.

---

She recoils like I've burned her, like my touch has scalded her skin and the pain has forced her back and away. Maybe it has. Pain can be a mental game that wounds as much as the physical. We both know that better than everyone else in this miserable cold hell.

She’s just come back from a mission in the Outer Rim and she looks a wreck, her face bloodied and bruised and her arm tucked in a sling. It hurts to look at her as she hobbles off the ship’s ramp, Kes Dameron at her back and ensuring she doesn’t fall over as she puts one foot in front of the other.

“She took a hard hit to the head, Andor. We’re heading to medical - “

“No,” she hisses, pulling away from Dameron’s guiding arm. Panic spills over her face with the suggestion and she looks around for an escape, anything. I know the look well by now.

“You’ve gotta go Sarge, this isn’t a request,” Dameron continues, grabbing her collar when she evades his hand again. The move is wrong, triggering, and Jyn yelps and bolts forward so quickly that she loses her footing and crashes down the ramp until she’s curled on the floor in the fetal position.

My heart hammers in my chest as I watch it happen, my movements too slow to intervene until she’s already down. The best I can do is sink down beside her, my hands reaching for her shoulder as I try to keep her from injuring herself further. It’s wrong again and she thrashes out, a brutal scream ripping from her chest as she knocks her elbow into my chin. The contact is jarring and dizzying and when I finally get my head back on straight she’s already pulled herself to two feet away.

"Jyn," I whisper, hands up. A sign of innocence, of offering.

"Leave me alone," she responds tightly, her voice high and her cheeks flushed. I'd only meant to help her, to offer her comfort, but she was pulling away like I was a threat ready to be taken down.

"You’re hurt. I’m trying to help you," I call as she reaches for her blaster, her eyes skittering around before landing on me and shuttering. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

"I can't," she whispers painfully, her brows tight. I don’t dare look away as Dameron silently orders a sedative, the other Pathfinder coming up behind her as silent as he can.

“It’s going to be alright,” I assure her as the Pathfinder lunges and gets the plunger in her arm. She jerks and fights until her hands go weak, her whole body sinking down to the floor with the drug’s near instantaneous effect. I scramble to her side and lift her head into my lap, brushing her hair back from her face as we wait for the droids to bring a stretcher. “It’s okay. You’re safe Jyn. You’re home.”

---

It takes four days in med bay and two weeks of Jyn sleeping alone on the top bunk for her to come back to me.

Her mission had been rough, a fact finding infiltration and destruction of an Imperial outpost that had gone almost off the rails as soon as they’d touched down. The injuries she’d sustained had been as they were trying to bug out, a Stormtrooper had caught her off guard and pulled her into an office and it had taken too long for the rest of her unit to figure out where she’d been taken. The beating had been harsh and the memories stolen from her precious. At least that’s what I’d been able to gather from the reports, Jyn was unable to fill in any of the voids left for what had really happened to her behind that closed door and I didn’t press, not wanting to push her.

“Can I lay with you tonight? Is that weird?” She asks one night after coming out of the fresher, her hair damp and her thick wool sleeping clothes wrapped around her. I look up from where I sit on my bunk with my datapad, surprise prickling within me. She hadn’t made one move towards me since getting out of the med bay and I’d let her keep her distance, unwilling to break our careful agreement.

“It’s not weird,” I answer because I have no other way to make it sound like I wasn’t desperate for her to join me, even though I was. She nods and steps forward, setting her things down on the desk before dropping onto the edge of the mattress.

“It’s cold up there. I don’t remember it being so cold, before,” she admits and glances towards me before looking back at her feet. “So I figure body heat is probably good. If you don’t mind.”

“Jyn,” I start, reframe my thoughts. How to tell her I missed her without pushing her away? “It’s a good idea. Do you want to lay down?” She nods and I put my datapad aside, shifting the blankets to open a cocoon for her. Sliding in quickly, she looks up at me as I linger, her gaze faltering as I kneel at the edge and our hands brush.

“Cassian.” All at once her eyes widen, her lips part and she reaches for me, her arm wrapping around my neck in a painful hug that must hurt her still-healing shoulder. “I remember,” she whispers into my collar and my whole body relaxes against her, my arms coming up to pull her closer. “I remember all of it. All of you. Of us.”

“Okay,” I murmur because to say anything else would give away the burning tears in my eyes and the rasp in my voice. She looks up at me then and leans forward, asking for permission before I close the distance between us.

The kiss is seeking, soft and patient, a return of old lovers, a slow walk over an aged bridge. She sighs into it and her touch drifts along the back of my head, down my shoulders until I can feel her fully against me for the first time since before she left.

“I missed you, I think,” she whispers, guiding us down onto the mattress. I follow because I’d follow her anywhere, our hearts linked together like fates intertwined. She cradles me against her and I debate rolling, pulling her above me, but she wraps herself around me and doesn’t let go.

“You came back,” I mumble into her neck, my lips trailing over her skin. She sighs and tangles her hand in my hair, tugging lightly to draw my gaze back to hers.

“Of course I came back. I just got lost,” she adds and I can’t stop the smile as I run my fingers along her cheek. “But you helped me back. You always help me back.”

“You helped me come back too, after Scarif,” I respond and her lips curl up at the edges, her breath soft against my mouth.

There’s not much talking after that, not as she tilts her hips below me, her hand dropping to tug my shirt loose and slip up against my skin. She grazes her nails against the scar along my spine and lets me kiss her until we’re both breathless, shivering and wanting. When she reaches to pull my shirt over my head we both turn our attention to disrobing under the blankets, truly huddling for warmth as the cool air in the room prickles at our exposed flesh.

She doesn’t let me drift below to chase my mouth down her stomach, her hands solid on my shoulders as she holds me close.

“I want to see your eyes as I touch you,” she says against my lips, rolling her hips as a hand slips down between us. She palms my length and I shudder, holding tight to her as I suck a bruise into her collar. A few swipes of her fist and then she’s pulling me on top of her, her legs spreading as I settle between them and she lines me up at her entrance. “I’ve missed you.” Her words follow me as I thrust myself inside her, sinking into the hilt as she clenches and clings to me.

“I’ve missed you too,” I murmur as I try to keep my head about me. It’s hard when she whimpers, when she scrapes her nails into my skin and nips at my lip to drive me crazy. We take it slow as we work together, hands drifting and breaths mixing as we push and pull.

When she cries out, heart rate spiraling as she comes apart below me, I can barely keep myself from falling apart as she drags me down for a blinding kiss. I come deep within her, my whole body wrapped up in and around her as she holds tight to my frame. Her touch along my skin is what brings me back from mindlessness, her hands drifting through my hair and her lips along my chin.

“Jyn, I - “ my throat swallows, the words tangled up like that tube after Scarif has returned. I want to say I love you and don’t leave me again but I can’t because that’s not who we are. But she must hear it in my head, or my heart, because she smiles and rubs her thumb across my cheek as her eyes flicker in the low light.

“I know, Cassian. Me too.”

#rebelcaptainweek #rebelcaptain #rc week: day one #rebelcaptain fic

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sleepykalena · 4 years

Text

Ten Songs to Get You Through the Plague (Hallyu Edition)

How dare you all, daring me to make a list even though I declined because I said it was just a whole lotta kpop. :P

@skitzofreak, @crazy-fruit, and @funkygourmetrva-blog apparently REALLY wanna be “enlightened” or something like that so here it goes~

(under the cut because long post is long)

ON (BTS) - This song slaps, and is one of like...three(???) songs that I like from BTS. This is a straight-up fight song- it’s hesitant, a little scared, but embraces a self-professed insanity as a motivation to keep going, and that’s pretty damn inspirational (and also very Jyn, I must say. That’s been on my mind). This song and Mikrokosmos are helping me write Parka. Favorite Line(s): Can’t hold me down cuz you know I’m a fighter / 제 발로 들어온 아름다운 감옥 [translation: Carried myself into this beautiful prison] / I’m alright, bring the pain on, yeah / I’ma fight, bring the pain on, yeah

Mikrokosmos (BTS) - I love a good song that compares feelings of love and companionship to stars in a night sky. This baby got me through writing about half the chapters in Parka, and is gonna help me write the remaining 3-4 chapters before I move on to Scarf. Favorite Line(s): 어쩜 이 밤의 표정이 이토록 또 아름다운 건 / 저 별들도 불빛도 아닌 우리 때문일 거야 / You got me / 난 너를 보며 꿈을 꿔 / I got you / 칠흑 같던 밤들 속 / 서로가 본 서로의 빛 / 같은 말을 하고 있었던 거야 우린 / 가장 깊은 밤에 더 빛나는 별빛 [rough translation: It’s possible that the night is beautiful not because of the lights or stars, but because of us / You got me / I see you as I dream / I got you / in the darkest of nights / The lights we saw in each other / were saying the same thing / A starlight that shines brighter than the deepest night]

Bad Buy (Cover) (Eric Nam) - I was really uncomfortable with the idea of a female minor talking about how she’s the type to “might seduce your dad”, but under the lens of a “guy next door” in his late 20s/early 30s, it seems...more like a strange quirk than some lolita thing. But also, Eric Nam has no business being this attractive and making this super smooth cover. Seriously. No business whatsoever. *fans self* Favorite Line(s): Duh. (SERIOUSLY. That’s the favorite bit. I’m not even joking.)

Double Knot (Stray Kidz) - I heard the English version of this first and thought, “hot damn, these kids go HARD”. And then someone pointed out that they were literally singing about tying their shoelaces and now I can’t stop laughing. I actually have had this in my rotation because it helps me get in the mindset of the show I’ll be working on next (which has a similarly hilarious juxtaposition), because I hear this song and literally imagine a bunch of 13 year olds trying to act hardcore with a song as G-rated as this (I’m still laughing just thinking about it) Favorite Line(s): Dramatic cutscene every scene is the best of the best / 'Cause my life is a five star movie / I'm not done yet so / Tight-tight, go brace yourself / I tighten my double knot

HIP (Mamamoo) - This song is a huge critique on the kpop industry and their rather restrictive and fat-shamey culture, and I AM HERE FOR IT. Plus these gals are just GORGEOUS. This one got me exposed to Mamamoo and I have zero regrets. Songs like this always make me feel super empowered <3 Favorite Line(s): 논란이 돼 My fashion / 별로 신경 안 써 그저 Action / 자꾸 Click me click me 홀린 듯이 Zoom / Close up close up close up HIP 해 [localized translation: Your controversy is my fashion / I don’t care, it’s just an action / Go and click me, click me, like a stan, you zoom / close up, cuz you know I’m HIP, hey]

Regular (NCT 127) - Pretty sure this has been living in my playlist for most of 2019, and it hasn’t changed much since. Definitely makes me feel like a baller while I (used to) commute in shitty traffic, so listening to it now that I’m practicing social distancing is more about mentally taking myself to a place of normalcy than anything else. Favorite Line(s): I like shining, you be lying / I be grinding, you waste time / Know you wanna roll with me / Cause you know I put it down / When I show up, I’m the one and only, nah nah nah / Yeah, pull up in the jag / Haters gon’ be mad

Kill This Love (Blackpink) - This is also an empowerment anthem that also helped me get through my (former) commute! When you spend all this time indoors, you’re bound to overthink your life, so it’s nice to have a song remind you that you need to assess those relationships and, if the relationship is hurting you more than helping you, “kill this love”. Deffo applicable to your relationship with yourself (e.g. if you’re wallowing in negative thoughts on a detrimental level), or even with others on a platonic level. Favorite Line(s): 나 어떡해 나약한 날 견딜 수 없어 / 애써 눈물을 감춘 채 / 사랑의 숨통을 끊어야겠어 [translation: What do I do? I can’t stand being this weak / While I force myself to hide my tears / I need to bring an end to this love]

POP/STARS (K/DA) - My previous editor showed me this song at the start of this year before he left for a new show and it slaps so hard that I’m mad at how much of an earworm this is LMAOOOOOOOO (side note: has anyone noticed that I’m picking these songs based on how upbeat they help me feel since I’m stuck indoors all the time?) Favorite Line(s): Ain’t nobody bringing us / Down down down down down down / They could try but we’re gonna wear the crown / You could go another round / Round round round round round round / Wish you luck but you’re not bringing us down

Dr. BeBe (Pentagon) - The song is just really catchy. The lyrics is really possessive in a helpless kind of way, and that’s sort of the flaw with most pop songs, it’s also strangely self-aware of what it’s going through. So meta LOL Favorite Line(s): 너란 벽에 갇혀 몸부림쳐 / 상처 나도 / 벗어날 수 없는 울림 [translation: I’m stuck inside your walls / struggle to escape / and get hurt]

AND THE ONE SONG THAT ISN’T KPOP:

Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD) - Came for the two folks in Godzilla suits, stayed for the lyrical mastery. I think even my partner was shocked that I liked this song, but honestly? It goes pretty hard, it’s a bit rude and taunting, which is just the kind of salt that I sprinkle in my head. Plus it’s fun to try and get even a FRACTION of the speed that Eminem raps. Favorite Line(s): You're bringin' the killer within me outta me / You don't want to be the enemy of the demon who entered me / Or be on the receivin' end of me, what stupidity it'd be / Every bit of me's the epitome of a spitter / When I'm in the vicinity, motherfucker, you better duck / Or you finna be dead the minute you run into me / A hundred percent of you is a fifth of a percent of me / I'm 'bout to fuckin' finish you, bitch, I'm unfadable / You wanna battle, I'm available, I'm blown up like an inflatable / I'm undebatable, I'm unavoidable, I'm unevadable

Is there anyone left to tag? Making this post was exhausting, so tag yourselves if you want in LMAO

#sleepy tags #tag game #10 songs

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gloves94 · 4 years

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White Holes [Cassian Andor] [10/10]

Warnings: None Tags: Death Pairings: Cassian Andor/OC

Summary: Captain Cassian Andor was an Officer of Rebel Intelligence for the Alliance. An emotionless tool. There was nothing more to his life than following orders and working for the Resistance. Hell! His only friend was an Imperial droid named K-2SO. So what happens when he is struck by love at first sight and meets Dr. Lya Stryker? Will their story has a happy ending? (CassianxOC)

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T

*** 3 Years Later ***

Adair sprinted to Dr. Stryker's home. He wasted no time in banging on the door. It only took a moment for the woman to answer the door. Her hair swayed as she did it rapidly.

She would never say but she had been patiently waiting for her significant other's return. She had a bad feeling about this mission. She could feel her stomach twisting in anxiety with every second of Cassian's absence.

"They're back," the male doctor nodded. His face was pale and his tone was one of seriousness. Her heart stopped. Dr. Lya Stryker looked back at the Imperial droid that had been reprogrammed recently. "NA-2, it's time." She quickly rushed back to a room which had been built in the back. There was a toddler sleeping on a small bed.

"I'll be back Jorel, mom is going to go get dad," she kissed the child's curly topped head carefully not to awaken him and rushed out of the house whipping her lab coat over her shoulders.

She had begged him not to go.

"Cass," She pleaded leaning over her kitchen counter.

"You always have bad feelings," Cassian sighed. "You have to admit you just don't want me to go."

"Well- of course not," She exhaled in frustration. It was like this every time. Except this time it was somehow worse.

Vital information about a weapon of mass destruction called the Death Star with the power to obliterate planets was just intercepted by rebels. However, it was potentially just a rumors. If it wasn't true- it was a trap and if it was true- what choice did the Rebel Alliance have? Would the galaxy be condemned if they didn't fight? What were the chances? What were the choices that they had?

She would plead for him not to go and he would return would a few souvenirs in the form of scars and bruises. Lya snaked around the counter and wrapped her arms around his arm. She leaned her head on his shoulder and kissed his arm. "If it were up to me I'd be selfish and keep you here all to myself." "If it were up to me I'd let you," he smiled at her. That ages smiled that made the edges of his eyes crinkle with affection.

"We have to go, get our hands on those plans. We've all done terrible things on behalf of the rebellion. Everything I did, I did for the Rebellion, for a better future and every time I walked away from something that I wanted to forget I told myself that it was for a cause that was worth it, for something that I believed in. But now, if everything is lost, everything would've been for nothing. I couldn't face myself if I did nothing." She looked down her eyes stung as they filled with hot tears, the grip became tighter around his arm.

"I'm doing this for us," he said taking her face in one of his hands. "For Jerol," he nodded his head over to the bedroom at the end of the hallway. "For me?" "For you," he leaned in and kissed her forehead. "For Esli?"

"Esli?" His eyes narrowed in confusing. "Who's Esli?"

She looked at him before cracking a weak smile. Her eyes lowered to her not yet swollen stomach.

It was a complicated time during the Galaxy War for children to be born, but alas life had to go on.

"A-Are you sure?" His eyes went wide. "Another one?" he beamed. He wrapped his arms around the doctor and hid his smile on her hair. He hid his smile, his tears, Cassian knew he wouldn't come back. He took everything in, her smell, her touch, the way her body felt against his.

He remembered the first time he ever laid eyes on the doctor. His heart had stopped, he had been so persistent in loving her since.

"Oh, Lya, my love, my all," he closed his eyes and pressed a kiss on her forehead. Like a broken damn the tears streamed down her eyes silently as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him as if it were the last time.

They made love one last time and her parting words to him were.

"May the force be with you my love,"

That had been yesterday.

Lya had not slept all night, she had been praying with every action and every step she took. Preparing the medical ward for the return of the brave volunteers who had decided to partake on this dangerous mission.

Beds were prepared, medicine was restocked and everything was ready the return of any fallen heroes.

Fighter ships and U-Wings were coming in ignited in flames. Survivors were rushed in to the ward. Medics began running left and right, there was pain, fire, blood, screaming and death quickly filling each and every one of the beds in the ward.

Lya kept her eyes sharp her senses on edge. She remained attentive to every individual that was checked in. Surprisingly there weren't that many survivors, there were beds to spare. She did a round around the ward desperately looking for Cassian. She kept her eyes open looking for Jyn Erso, K-2SO, anybody that could have whereabouts about Cassian.

Time flew by in the ward, and with every aching minute she knew.

It was around midnight when the Rebel Alliance had gathered at the main headquarters for a final update on the results of the mission.

By this time Lya already knew. She could feel it in her gut. She walked as tall as she could as she entered the crowded room. At the center stood the leaders of the Rebellion. They honored and praised the fighters that sacrificed their lives for the purpose of the Rebellion. They announced that thanks to these brave souls the mission had been a success and because of that the Rebellion actually stood a fighting chance against the Empire.

Holographic figures began glimmering in the projector with their names spelled above. Names and faces of valiant soldiers killed in action began flashing before the crew. Lya's face was stoic. Adair stood at her side analyzing her composed expression. Some of the faces flashing were familiar, some weren't.

Her heart was at her throat.

Beating.

Hammering.

Her breathing, however was not.

She looked over her shoulder briefly. Wishing, hoping that Cassian would be casually leaning against the wall. His dark, bottomless eyes lingering on her as they usually would. K-2SO would come in and make a blunt sarcastic remark. But that wasn't the case today.

Her eyes returned back to the screen when they landed on her beloved for the last time.

Everything she feared had just been confirmed.

Just like that she felt something shatter inside of her. She stumbled backwards on her feet, the breath she had been holding choked out in scattered fits.

Her blood ran cold as she lost her footing and collapsed. She couldn't hear Adair calling her name, hoisting her up and dragging her limp body to the back of the crowd.

He knew what this felt like. He had felt it when Lux, the light of his life, had perished.

Her eyes remained fixed on the blue hologram of the man she had come to love, the father of her children, the martyr. She had known that choosing Cassian as her significant other would lead to this, however, she had not planned for it. It was never something she had wanted to witness. And just like that it flickered away, on to the next fallen soldier and the next, and the next.

Her hands began trembling as she allowed ragged breaths to escape her cloudy eyes. Dr. Stryker could feel an icy numbness consuming her soul, the tears came without a warning burning down her face.

He was gone.

Cassian had passed in Scarif.

Lya didn't know how it had happened. Nobody knew how or who he had been with. All that she knew was that it had been unstoppable. The planet had literally been obliterated. The only thing that brought her peace was knowing that it was fast and that if anything he hadn't been alone.

His death had not been in vain.

She liked to think that his spirit was with her. Comforting her throughout her mourning, keeping a watchful eye over Jorel, their child. She held the toddler's hand in hers. Everyday he was beginning to look more and more like his father with those dark eyes and his wavy brown hair.

They stood next to a memorial in front of her house. It was simple, just like he would've wanted it.

'In Honor of Captain Cassian Jorel Andor, who sacrificed his life for the Rebel Alliance and died in Scarif. Loving friend, father and husband.'

There was no use in hiding their relationship now. The two had been wed in secrecy. People around the base would gossip and whisper about the doctor and the mysterious parentage of her children.

However, that was now over, there was no more hiding, no more secrets. The only thing left to do was to move forward, and Cassian wasn't completely gone. He lived on, through his children, through his legacy, through the words and actions of those still fighting against the Empire with tooth and nail.

Lya would make sure that legacy stayed alive. She would keep fighting with her whole heart, even if she had just had half of it. For her, for their family, and specially for Cassian.

Author's Note:

I'll admit it.

This story was supposed to be 12 chapters long and I had already written them out, but then my OneNote crashed and everything went down the drain.

*Shoots a hole through my laptop*

So it is time to bring the story for a close. However, I have been wanting to start a Kylo Ren fic with Cassian and Lya's child Esli, so maybe that will happen one day. If it happens keep an eye out for Black Holes.

Thank you so much for the support and patience everyone.

All my love,

Prev: Chapter 9

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padfootagain · 5 years

Text

Choices

What?! I'm writing for Jyn?! What?!

Yes, I am. It's Jyn's appreciation week!! So here I am, writing for yet another character, but as you wanted me to write for more SW characters, I'm sure you'll like this addition to my masterlist!

I'm answering today's challenge for Jyn's appreciation week, the writing prompt is 'hidden', so here we go with Jyn and the reader hiding…

Ha, what a beautiful mix it makes, when there's both angst and fluff! You know I can't resist it ;)

I hope you all like it!

Gif not mine

Word count : 2351

The stars were calling for you. A thousand lanterns held up against the infinite ink of the sky. White and cold for most of them but some held yellowish or reddish shades as well, and some others were almost blue. If you took a careful look at them all, you could see how each of them was unique. You had always dreamt to visit them all…

Through the tiny hole in the brick wall that sheltered you from the outside world, you stared at the fires illuminating the night. The moon was hidden, and her disappearance made all the shadows of the world a little darker than usual, a little scarier as well… After all, it was in all beings' nature to be afraid of the unknown. Everything that your eyes couldn't see had to be mistrusted. Through the dark street, you couldn't see anything but the vague form of the building on the opposite side. There were no neon signs nor lights in this street. One of the many reasons you had chosen this spot to hide, actually.

But now, what would you have done to go walk through these shadows instead of staying here, hidden in that tiny room? Anything.

You longed for freedom, you always had. You used to be reckless, but by then you were on your own. And now… now what could you do but hide? Not for yourself, but for her.

Jyn was lying on the ground in one corner of the room. Her eyelids were closed, and yet, by the rhythm of her breathing, you knew she was awake. Of course you did, you knew her better than she knew herself.

Was she faking to be asleep, or was she earnestly resting? It was hard to tell. But you were almost certain that the first option was the right one. She was avoiding you. You couldn't hold it against her, though. Maybe she was right about it all, but how could you live with yourself then?

You had lived the first years of your life in a constant oblivion of all the dangers you kept on diving into. It didn't matter if you could have died, it didn't matter if you were wounded, the pain was an old friend and you were always ready to welcome it. In the depth of Coruscant, the underworld thrived better than insects. Crimes, gangs, black market, bounty hunters and assassins… nothing belonged to the light there, only to the shadows. And growing up in such a place, where the only moral compass was to find something to eat and survive, where death was easier to find than a smile, what else could you do but the same as everyone around you?

But then Jyn had appeared out of the blue. A lost girl who had run away from the man who had raised her. An orphan who's family had been torn apart by the Empire, just like yours had been. She had fallen down from the upper levels to this hell just like you had. And in her eyes, you could see your own. Or rather… the gaze you used to have years before.

Before you would let the shadows that surrounded you get under your skin and to your soul. Before you stopped believing in tomorrows. Before you stopped caring about the right and the wrong. Before you mimicked the wrong people. Before you lost yourself in this blackhole…

How could you not help her?

And through her, you could distinguish something that you had not seen for many years…

Hope.

Hope. The word was almost foreign to you when Jyn stormed into your life, and now… now it was the only thing keeping you on your feet. Hope for something better than this life in the rotten streets of a devouring city. Hope for a reason to keep this heart in your chest beating. Hope to fight for believing again in tomorrows…

But changing your life was not such an easy task. Getting out of the hands of these thugs who had control over you was easier said than done.

Two weeks spent in this shithole. Two weeks staring at the stars through the holes in this brick wall. You were becoming crazy, trapped like this between four walls.

But what else could you do? There was a bounty on both your and Jyn's head. It was too dangerous to get out. You were too afraid to step out of this place you hated so much. Because at least, for now, you and Jyn were alive. And every minute spent by her side made this hiding worth it.

But you were so tired of hiding. You couldn't do it anymore. And Jyn? You knew she didn't like the situation either, but you weren't sure that she would agree to take the risk of getting outside and steal a ship. That was you would need to do to get out of this place. Steal a ship and fly as far as you could. One of these stars up there held the key to your freedom. You just had to reach it and grab it and never let go.

Or actually, you knew that she would agree to this plan. But you wanted to do more than that, and about that part of your plan, you weren't sure Jyn would agree.

Because it would mean hiding all over again. Could you really live on like this? Could you really accept that your life would never be better than a quick glimpse over your shoulder, scared of your own shadow, unable to trust anyone but the woman you loved more than anything, because trusting meant creating weaknesses…

That was not the life you wanted for Jyn and you. You wanted to get a house somewhere, anywhere, it didn't matter. Plant trees and watch them grow. Have a family. Have a home. You wanted to be able to go downtown and through the market without being afraid of Imperial troops or bounty hunters. You wanted to breathe in the wind without being afraid of the storm it could be carrying.

There was a better life possible. You knew there was. And to you, it was worth taking the risk to lose it all to get there. Would Jyn feel the same though?

You heard her stirring and getting up, but you didn't turn to look at her. Instead, you kept on staring at the balls of gas burning. And as you watched them consume themselves, you realized that even the stars, one day, must die…

"What's going on in there?"

Jyn's teasing tone made you smile. You couldn't help it. Jyn's voice always made you feel better, safe… like a warm fire in a snow storm.

"Nothing," you lied, and Jyn was not fooled.

"You have that posture every time you go through an existential crisis."

"I don't go through any existential crisis."

"You do. Right now. And it's a severe one."

"Well, of course… you've been avoiding me for three days."

"I'm not ignoring you."

"Yes, you are."

Your voice wasn't harsh. It wasn't aggressive. It didn't hold any reproach. You weren't putting the blame on her, and Jyn could hear it in your voice. Your tone held nothing but sadness.

She heaved a sigh, and came closer to you, wrapping her arms around your frame and resting her cheek against your shoulder blade.

"We can't stay here, Y/N."

It was your turn to heave a sigh.

"And what would you propose to do? Get killed at the corner of the street? Brilliant plan."

"And you used to be reckless."

"But then I found someone worth living for."

You heard the sharp intake of breath that Jyn took in. She shifted, moving to your side, staring at you until you couldn't keep on looking away.

"You make it all worth it for me too," she gave you a smile filled with emotions, her eyes shining in the dim starlight with withheld tears.

Your hand slipped in hers, and she gave your fingers a tender squeeze.

"So, what do you propose?" you asked, bringing back the conversation on this subject you yearned to avoid, but knew you had to face.

"We can't stay here forever. We need to find a ride out of here."

"Steal a ship? And then?"

"Then we leave for the furthest system we can reach."

"And we hide again."

"Not in this kind of cell."

"We can't keep on hiding, Jyn."

"It wouldn't be this kind of hiding."

"But we will never find peace. We'll always be on the run. From the Empire, from the gangs…"

"There's nothing we can do about that."

"There is though."

She pulled away, shaking her head, her brown hair colliding with her cheeks.

"I thought we had agreed on this matter."

"No, we didn't. You stopped the conversation and barely spoke to me in three days. That's not what I call agreeing."

"We'll get killed. Is that what you want?"

"Of course not…"

"We finally have something to live for. This," she went on, pointing at you, and then at herself. "It's worth surviving."

"It's worth fighting for, Jyn. And perhaps we should fight."

"We can't risk everything we have!"

"But we have nothing, Jyn!" you argued. "We have nothing except each other. And of course, that's enough. Of course, I would rather have you than anything else in this galaxy. But we'll never be safe, Jyn… we'll never be able to settle down and make a life of our own. How could we? We'll always be on the run. And I don't want to keep on taking the risk. I want to be able to live with you, not just survive!"

"We're not heroes! What are you going to do? Get out of here, pick up a blaster and get stupidly killed?!"

"If we don't fight for a better world, then who will? The Empire took everything from us. It destroyed both our families. It turned us into criminals, and then fugitives. We've been struggling to get scratches from the street. And now we have a reason to get a better life than this. If we don't fight, Jyn, then who will?"

"Anyone but us."

You shook your head. You knew what she was doing. She was trying to protect you. But you didn't want to be safe anymore, you wanted to be free.

But instead of arguing again, you closed the gap between the two of you, held her face between your hands, and kissed her lips. A slow, tender kiss that had her melting in your embrace. And when the two of you finally broke apart, it was only to rest forehead against forehead.

"I want a better life for us. I want a real life, Jyn. You made me want more than survival. I want to live now. And we can't do that as long as the Empire exists. We won't be free before the entire Galaxy is too. We have the same enemy as all people do."

"And what if we get killed?" she asked back in a whisper, keeping her eyes closed.

"Then… then at least we will have tried. We will have tried to fight for what is right. We will have tried to turn the world into a better place for ourselves, but for others too. We have to make sure that no child suffers the way we did. Everyone's not as lucky as we are. We found each other, but what about all these people who are still alone? I'd rather die trying with you than hide all my days."

She pulled away just enough to stare at you.

"I've always promised myself that I wouldn't get so stupidly killed… we don't have a choice."

"There's always a choice, Jyn. We have a chance to do something good. Are you really going to let that chance slip through your fingers?"

"What if we get killed?" she asked again, her voice shaking.

You could see the fear in her eyes, and you recognized it. The same terror was burning through your veins. This fear of losing the one you loved. But you couldn't let fear get the best of you, not anymore.

You heaved yet another sigh, and Jyn realized then how tired you were. The black lines under your eyes seemed darker. The flame that used to burn through your eyes had faltered. But when you spoke again, your voice was calm and determined.

"I won't do it if you don't want me to. I'll always be here for you, Jyn. But I think it's worth the risk. It's worth it. What we have is worth fighting for. And getting a better world for you is worth risking it all too. Because I want to build a life with you. Raising children, tidying a garden, flying through the dead of night and stargazing together... But we won't have any of that as long as we're not free. And if we are to have this family I wish so hard for… then I want a better world for our children. I don't want to live with the fear that our kids could go through the same hell as we did. Actually… actually I don't want any child to go through that life. We must do something, Jyn. We have to. Because if we don't, then all we will own is a mirage, instead of a tangible truth. We will imagine that we have a life, but all we will have is the fear of losing everything. And I'm ready to fight to have the real thing."

She remained silent. And for a moment, you didn't know if she would agree or push the thought away. Her expression was unreadable.

But then, slowly, she took your hands in yours, and a smile formed on her face. And you knew then, before she spoke the words, what her decision was.

"Well… you've always had a talent to make me change my mind. I guess that if we can't be criminals, we should be rebels."

*******************

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65 notes · View notes

andorerso · 4 years

Note

Hiya, I'd love Rebelcaptain and a kiss that we had to wait for, if that inspires you. Thank you!

Thanks for the prompt! I took my time with it but I really wanted to do a five + one fic so here we are. Hope you enjoy :)

ONE

His face is shrouded in shadows as the elevator moves towards the bottom, each floor taking them one step closer to impending doom. Cassian looks delirious, half-dead already, and he’s never been more beautiful to Jyn. He stares at her, all the missed opportunities and what-ifs and what-could-have-been wrapped into one painful longing gaze. She’s aching.

She thinks she wants to kiss him. But it’s not the right time, not the right place. Jyn was given something she’d never thought she’d have, something she can barely put a name to, and for the first time in her life, she wants to do it right. It’d be a cheap kiss if she kissed him only because she knows they’re not going to make it. They’re about to die so why not?

But she doesn’t want it like that. This connection between them, it doesn’t need actions. Doesn’t need physical proof.

And maybe they’ll never get a second chance, but she’s content to hold him close and be by his side as the end approaches. It’s enough.

TWO

Cassian is watching her through the eyes of Joreth Sward: flirty, leering, a bit cocky. It’s disconcerting.

She wouldn’t mind if this was the real him but the real him would never look at her that way. He’s too respectful or he just doesn’t see her like that; whichever it is, Jyn knows this is all fake. Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop her from longing. And it certainly doesn’t stop her traitorous body from reacting.

Cassian – Joreth leans down towards her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. His face is so close she can feel his breath warm on her cheek, and her heartbeat picks up. His hand lingers on the side of her neck and her bare skin prickles. His touch is burning. He leans closer still, closer than she thought he’d go, his lips an inch away from hers. Her thoughts fall away; it’s all white noise in her head.

Then he breathes, “Would you like to go back to my hotel room?”

She swallows. His voice, low and sensuous, sends a shiver through her. She imagines what it would be like to hear it from Cassian and not his cover persona. She hopes he doesn’t see the goosebumps on her arm.

She has to focus. This is a mission and his words tell her he’s completed what they came here for. The obvious sexual tension they carefully built up the entire night is just an excuse to leave early.

Jyn knows that. But her body can’t remember it. Cassian looks at her like he wants to ravage her and she can’t find it in herself to look away, nodding mutely. At least, to anyone watching, she’ll look convincing. She’ll look damn convincing because she’s not pretending at all.

He pulls away and the spell is broken. Jyn almost staggers as she breathes in deeply, the noises around them slowly trickling in again through the confused haze of her mind. Cassian puts his hand on the small of her back and gently guides her through the crowd. Jyn can’t forget about his breath on her face for the remainder of the night.

THREE

“Ah,” she says, accepting the caf from Cassian as she sits, almost slumped over her report, “you’re the best.”

It slips out without thinking and she tries not to wince. It shouldn’t be a big deal. It’s not a big deal. She’s just grateful for the caf that he brought her without asking because he knows her that well. She’s just grateful to be known and cared for. But it feels like a big deal when she knows it’s so much more than that.

Cassian’s mouth quirks. Jyn has discovered that he smiles with his eyes rather than his mouth and those rare exceptions are to be treasured. She files away every single smile he gives her, eyes or mouth, and keeps them hidden in a corner of her mind reserved just for… stuff about Cassian. The way he takes his caf. The way his eyes sometimes light up when she grins at him. The way his voice sounds when he’s giving orders, gruff and commanding. The sound of his quiet laugh that she’s only heard on a couple of occasions, or the huff he makes under his breath that passes for a chuckle with him.

Jyn has never been so fixated on someone in her life and it’s a bit wondrous and a lot frightening.

He says nothing. Jyn is still somewhat frozen in place after that minor slip up but he doesn’t seem to read too much into it. That’s good, she supposes, except sometimes she wishes he’d pick up on the clues she gives him, realize they both feel the same way, and make the first move for her. Of course, he’d have to feel the same way for that.

Jyn has never minded making the first move before but the idea that he might not react well makes her so terrified that she’s almost sure she’ll never say anything. It wouldn’t be worth the pain of losing him.

She’s rationalized this a hundred times, but she can barely remember it now as she looks up into Cassian’s eyes, taking a sip.

“Good?” he asks, and she nods, not trusting her voice to speak. Her hands are clutching the cup too tightly and Cassian is hovering above the desk – is he leaning in towards her? Is she imagining it?

It seems impossible to tell what he’s thinking, those dark hooded eyes boring into hers, making her brain short-circuit. He doesn’t drop his gaze. The world tilts; perhaps Jyn is leaning towards him too, pulled in by his magnetism. She feels a little light-headed, a heavy feeling in her stomach. Anticipation and terror war with each other.

Maybe she’s misreading the signs. Or is this finally it?

“Hey, you two,” Bodhi says, appearing out of nowhere. Jyn startles, almost dropping her caf. She loves Bodhi, she really does, but she could punch him right now. No, that’s too harsh. Maybe she’d just glare really hard and say a few choice words about timing. Read the room, Bodhi.

Well, it’s not his fault, she thinks as she takes another sip of her caf, avoiding Cassian’s eyes. He’s pulled away too, his posture much more closed off than before. Even if Bodhi hadn’t interrupted, Jyn knows she’s too afraid to have gone through with it.

Cassian Andor has made her a coward.

FOUR

There are two single beds in the dingy little motel they’re staying in, and it’s almost disappointing. She always sleeps better with Cassian’s arms around her. He’s a safe place to land, a shelter in a storm. He anchors her, brings her back to herself when she feels lost, and she tries – hopes she does the same for him. Those are her best nights, when they can bask in the comfort of each other.

Of course, it’s not every night. Far from it. And it’s not fair to put her attraction on him, she knows. But she’s selfishly hoped this could be a night like that. Having Cassian so close but not right next to her will be torture.

And it is. Jyn tries to sleep but her thoughts keep her in the dusty room, acutely aware of the space between her and Cassian. It should be, she muses, that she can’t fall asleep with Cassian next to her, not the other way around. But as much as she longs for more of him, his solid warmth against her back is too comforting to keep awake. It is the absence of him that pulls at her heartstrings. So close, yet so far away.

She shifts her head towards him, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest and the smooth expression on his face. He looks, for once, void of stress or anxiety.

Then his voice rings out, “You okay?”

Jyn startles. She didn’t think he was awake, too. Feeling a bit awkward at having been caught, she bites down on her lip. “Can’t sleep, I guess.”

He opens his eyes to look at her, his gaze unreadable. His voice is quiet but calm in the dark. “Come here.”

She pauses. Looking at him, she can’t quite tell what he’s thinking, but she knows he’s serious. He never jokes around with her. And why should she refuse, when she can spend the night in his arms, even if the bed is small and they won’t have much room to themselves. She slowly gets up, watching as Cassian scoots up against the wall to make room for her. Jyn lies down facing him, putting her hands under her head to mirror his pose. Cassian stares at her, both of them silent in the dark. The only sound she hears is her loud heartbeat thumping in her ear.

Maybe she should turn to the other side, she thinks but doesn’t make any move. It’ll be easier to fall asleep if he’s not looking at her like that. Like he feels and wants the same things she does.

But she feels braver in the dark, and slowly, she scoots a little closer, almost so that their noses are touching. Her eyes stray to his lips and she sees as his mouth moves to form the sound of her name.

“Jyn…” It’s quiet, trailing off when she presses her finger against him.

“Shh.”

She doesn’t think about actions and consequences as she leans in a bit, but pauses to see his reaction. He’s not pulling away, not questioning what in the force she thinks she’s doing, which she takes as a good sign. She catches his eyes one last time and he never looks away, watching, waiting to see what she’ll do.

And then his datapad beeps. Jyn closes her eyes and turns her face into the pillow as he reaches out a hand over her head for the bedside table. She hears him tapping away for a minute but she keeps her eyes closed, even as he sets it down again and pulls his arm back to his side. His gaze settles on her for a second; she can feel it, almost see his eyes running over her face. She knows he’s not buying that she’s fallen asleep but he doesn’t say anything. It’s just another missed opportunity like the rest of them.

FIVE

“Cassian!” She throws herself at him as soon as they find his cell, letting his embrace carry away the anxiety of the past couple of days. His arms wrap around her, holding her just as tightly, as if he, too, has been terrified that they won’t see each other again. Jyn closes her eyes and lets herself hold him for a second or two before she pulls away.

Her hands frame his face, grasping at him like a drowning woman at a lifebelt, but she doesn’t even care because he’s here, he’s safe, and he’s not going away again. He looks a bit battered and bruised but uninjured for the most part and she can’t begin to describe the relief she feels at knowing he’s okay. His hand settles on her waist, holding her gaze with a strange intensity, and the familiar desire to kiss him burns in her veins. The thought of losing him was enough to scare her into realizing she can’t dance around her feelings forever, and overwhelmed at seeing him, she has half the mind to just press her lips to his now and screw the consequences. There’s something in his eyes, something quiet and hopeful, that almost begs her to do it.

“Ahem.” She swivels around to see Kay looming in the doorway, judgment written all over his metal face. “Now is not the time or place.”

Right. Jyn regretfully lets go of Cassian, reaching for her blaster at her side. They still have to fight their way out of this mess.

“You okay?” she asks Cassian, just to make sure, and hands him his own blaster when he nods. He holds her gaze for one more second, some unidentified emotion in his eyes, but when he turns away, it’s gone, replaced by calm cool professionalism.

She thinks she sees him throw a dirty look at Kay before they go.

+ ONE.

She’s not sure how she ended up on her back with Cassian more or less straddling her but it’s incredibly distracting.

One second, she’s looking at him, taken aback by his sudden closeness as they sparred, the next she’s on her back with her hands pressed against the mattress and his solid weight pushing her down. Fuck.

“I win,” he says and it barely registers over the loud thumping of her heart. His voice is scratchy and deep, quieter than usual. His eyes are dark this close, hiding a world of secrets, and she thinks she can see the same want she feels mirrored in them. But all she can do is blink dumbly, acutely aware of every inch of her body touching his. Too paralyzed to even make a move.

Cassian stares like he’s waiting for something but when a few silent and unbearably long seconds pass, he swallows and pulls away. Jyn is immediately hit with the loss of him as he gets up and rolls his shoulders, avoiding her eyes. She stares after him dumbfoundedly. That’s it, she’s done. She’s not playing this stupid game anymore.

In one swift move, she swipes his legs out from under him, barely pausing when he lands with a soft “oof.” She grabs his shirt and pulls him on top of her and kisses him, finally fucking kisses him without pausing to think. Cassian is clearly taken aback, frozen against her lips at first, but then he comes to his senses and kisses her back, letting his body settle on top of hers. Jyn moans quietly, his hand sliding into her hair, his hips pressing against hers, her hand on his back. Boldly, she throws a leg over his waist, smiling when he groans and presses against her a little closer.

“Force,” he mutters as he breaks away but keeps his face close, his hands holding her face, “you’re going to be the death of me.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” she gasps, out of breath and a little strangled.

Cassian pulls away and lands on his back next to her, both of them breathing like they’d just ran a marathon. She stares up at the ceiling as she tries to calm her racing heart and hears him chuckling abruptly.

“What are you laughing at?” She turns to him, her own mouth quirking up at the smile on his face.

“It’s just… This is so you.”

“What do you mean?”

“This.” He gestures between them, letting out another small huff. “The way you just pulled me down to kiss me. Very Jyn of you.”

“Well,” she drawls as she turns on her stomach and puts a hand under her head so she can look at him. “I wanted to win,” she finishes, and she’s not quite talking about the sparring match.

#rebelcaptain #dailyrebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #my fics #i lowkey hate number four and the last one rip #but the others i'm actually satisfied with so it's something #oh-nostalgiaa #replies

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lesceriises · 4 years

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[ 🍒 ] — gracing the tags with my presence before i go work on replies. hi. i’m elle. i’m mostly here for mxf shipping tbh, but i love platonic/family plots too. i have adhd which means i like jumping into things and figuring out what works and doesn’t without beating around the bush. send me memes!! send me ideas!! i love brainstorming. i have a bunch of muses right here & you can check out my open starters here.

if you’re curious about what fcs i like + what types of plots i’m interested in, click the read more.

come write with me!!!

🍒 FCS I WANT TO WRITE AGAINST 🍒

alfonso herrera, alvaro rico, chris pine, dacre montgomery, david giuntoli, edgar ramírez, jake gyllenhaal, kit harington, luke pasqualino, michiel huisman, oliver jackson-cohen, oscar isaac, ryan guzman, santiago cabrera, sean tealea, simon baker, tom ellis, tommy martinez, tyler hoechlin, zane holt, alicia vikander, alycia debnam carey, eleanor tomlinson, gugu mbatha-raw, imogen poots, johanna braddy, lupita nyong'o, margot robbie, oona chaplin, poppy drayton, ruth negga, saoirse ronan, shelley hennig, shannon purser, zendaya, zoey deutch.

🍒 PLOTS I’M INTERESTED IN: GENERAL VIEW 🍒

drama, over-the-top drama, cheesy drama, angst, romance, manipulation, lying, cheating, pregnancies, horror, supernatural, ghosts, historical, crime, royals, modern royals, fake relationships, unrequited feelings, bad timing. you can check a few plots i’d like to do here.

🍒 PLOTS I’M INTERESTED IN: SPECIFIC 🍒

if fandom isn’t your thing, i’m also v interested in rl / historical plots. you can find a list of those here.

CHOICES GAME APP & STORYSCAPE: plots based on: titanic, the perfect match, rules of engagement, desire & decorum, the royal romance, and the elementalists. we don’t have to play the “main” characters or follow the original storylines tho.

TITANIC/1900s: legit just... any and all dynamics lmao the list is infinite there’s so much potential. if you’re familiar with the game i’m looking for something taken from storyscape like matteo x adele dynamic (long-story short, matteo is a valet for a wealthy man and adele is someone who is being blackmailed by said wealthy man) or charlie x adele (charlie is a steward who befriends adele, helps her navigate her situation, and the two become very close - esp interested in a dynamic post-titanic too where he's trying very hard not to hold things against her but is struggling tremendously with guilt, ptsd, and his idealism) or a dynamic based on zetta x adele (zetta is famous and adele's employer, and adele is being blackmailed into ruining her engagement - but it'd have to be an mxf one because that's the only kind of romantic pairings i write).

THE HUNGER GAMES: capitol citizen x capitol citizen, mentor x mentor, victor x dead tribute’s sibling/dead tribute’s best friend, literally any other combO!! smth with spies would be great too like spy rebel working a the capitol x capitol staff.

VIDEO GAMES: plots based on until dawn!!!!!!!!! which is one of my favs tbh (there’s SO MUCH POTENTIAl but i’m particularly weak for “we had a ‘opposites attract, will they don’t they’ thing going on and smth was about to happen between us at the cabin but then my sibling/best friend vanished and everything went to shit and we haven’t spoken in a year even though we miss each other dearly”.

HARRY POTTER:

workaholic diplomats with a fuckton of baggage and personal struggles who are really good at their jobs and always butting heads… falling in love (bonus: maybe one of them is a squib)

pureblood order member is essentially kidnapped by their own elitist family and has their memory tampered with, meaning they now believe they’ve always just been a spy for the death eaters. they’re engaged and their significant other starts to notice little things that feel odd and unusual.

i muggleborn who started lying about her blood status and is passing as elitist pureblood who ends up getting engaged to a pureblood.

before the first wizarding war, two purebloods get married. it wasn’t an arranged marriage and for all their differences they brought out the best in each other. their families were iffy about each other but they made it work. she remained mostly a housewife, enjoying the work and taking care of the children. things were good until the war rolled around and slowly, gradually. it became clear that his family (and he himself) were prejudiced against muggles and muggleborn. in the end they end up on opposite sides of the war, and it gets ugly.

arranged marriage between two people. he’s a widower and a grump, no one really finds him good company and on top of that his wife died in questionable circumstances (everyone thinks he did it, but it was actually his parents). his parents picked her because she seems easy to manipulate and air-headed. they never thought they would end up gradually growing very fond of each other to the point of love - they have the same humor, he helps her try not to please everyone and she helps him allowing himself to be himself - and that he’d start standing up to his family.

ANGELS / DEMONS / NOT FANDOM SPECIFIC: angel x fallen angel (please. think of all the pain and angst) or demon x redeemed demon or smth of the sort (the betrayal!!!)

X-MEN: literally too many possible combos to list and i want them all!!! the angstier/messier the better.

THE MUMMY: doesn’t have to be based on the movie, i’m going for the ~vibes~ here. we can do: explorer/archaeologist x non-explorer, explorer/archaeologist x journalist, explorer/archaeologist x doctor, explorer/archaeologist x explorer/archaeologist…. they can be any age too! even exs with children, the options are endless.

PACIFIC RIM: trainee x trainee, pilot x scientist, pilot x pilot, doctor x pilot

OUTLANDER/TIME-TRAVELLING IN GENERAL: could be intentional, accidental, to the future or the past, etc so many options!! we can mix time-travelling with other fandoms too!!

TOMB RAIDER: feel free to make suggestions but here are some ideas: (a) and (b) have a long history (platonic, romantic, siblings, idc). they’re both explorers who for the most part have been on the same side. two peas in a pod. two sides of the same coin. etc etc. while trying to put together a mystery, and trying to beat the “bad guys” to it, they realise the object they are looking for can change the past or bring the dead back to life…. this is where (b) turns against (a), who, unlike them, wants to take the object and keep it safe inside a vault.

STAR WARS: literally too many options to list but i’ll try: “jyn” x “cassian”, spy x traitor, pilot x spy doctor, former stormtrooper x spy, former stormtrooper x regular person, spy x regular person, diplomat x pilot, diplomat x former stormtrooper, idk there’s so many possible dynamics i couldn’t list them all legit anything in this universe im begging lmao!

STRANGER THINGS: so many possibilities?? could be set at any point in time too… and/or make our characters older and have them revisit things that happened to them in the past.

MARVEL/MCU: superhero x human , superhero x superhero, hero x law enforcement, a verse where heroes are “banned” (think incredibles 2)… all of these could go in so many ways?? the sky’s the limit. reminder that i don’t write canons but i don’t mind writing against them!!

ANASTASIA: lost princess/prince x kitchen boy/girl turned con-person who is at first using them for money but ends up falling in love with them and oops turns out they are the real deal.

THE LITTLE MERMAID: mermaid x prince, mermaid x human, mermaid x pirate, “ursula” x “eric”

ALADDIN: “i pretended to be a rich prince/princess to impress the their/heiress to the throne bc i’m poor as hell and i just want to stop being poor lmao … but oh boy i’ve fallen in love…….”

FROZEN: “hans” x “anna” or “hans” x “elsa” (i just think “hans” is a great character and there’s a lot we could do with him tbh) oc guard or commoner x “elsa” “anna” and “kristoff” but their relationship isn’t working out the dynamic between “anna” and “elsa” bc i’m a sucker for sibling dynamics we could also explore the relationship of anna and elsa’s parents!!!

#indie starter #open rp #mumu rp #indie oc rp #indie horror rp #open starter

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